Fanfiction Reruns

[Rebel the Wolfgirl]

“If one wishes to be a tyrant in the vast, untamed world, than heed this warning well. Don't tangle with the likes of the Earth-pig born, or the safety of your life cannot be guaranteed over the long term.”

~The Green Hood, date and original source unknown.

“A Fistful of Gold Pieces”

In a dusty, dry desert, long forsaken by water and common decency, the only things that find their home here, are the likes of snakes, vultures, and the occasional tumbleweed. And yet, even in this vast, unforgiving terrain, there are people who have tried to make their home, and their living, out in the blistering heat. And yet, as often happens in Acheron, whenever usually decent folk try to make an honest living in a frontier town, there come vicious, ruthless archers who come fast on horse-back, to scare the townsfolk into doing their evil bidding. This particular town, being mentioned, has become so destitute and forlorn, any knowledge of its original name has faded, even from the memory of the elders. It is now known simply as Daltonville, so named because of a ruthless band of brothers, who have usurped the town, and are using the townspeople to run their arduous gold-digging operations in the hot sun. To make matters worse, the Dalton brothers are with-holding, even the basic necessities from these towns-people. Water, food, shade, good health, even a discreet spot to relieve themselves; none of these can be had without working for the Daltons. And there is no relief to be found in the town. The town is run right down the middle, on two opposite sides, by two dueling Daltons. By name, they go by Dastardly, and Dirty Dalton. Even though Dalton brothers are notorious for dueling against each other, neither one will refuse to give up their claim to the town, or risk their own lives to put an end to the other. So all the towns-people can do, is endure, until the day that a brave warrior will come along, and rid the town from the plague of Daltons, that have been ravaging their land...

Walking through the dusty sand and the sweltering winds, is the Earth-pig born, Cerebus. Walking and drinking, trying to forget and numb the pain of the memory of Ebony, without much success. Never one to think about saving some supplies for the future, he has already run out of booze and food. Cerebus says: “By Terim, how did Cerebus ever find himself here? Cerebus must find a near-by town, or else Cerebus will surely shrivel up from thirst.”

Than Cerebus looks around, and sees a row of wooden houses and buildings, shimmering off in the near-by distance! It would almost certainly be mistaken for a mirage if going on by sight alone, but the sounds of hooting and hollering from this town, make it clear to Cerebus, that the town is indeed real! Cerebus says: “It seems that Terim is smiling on Cerebus! Cerebus shall slake my thirst in this strange, small town, until Cerebus can figure out where Cerebus is going next.”

Cerebus starts walking forward, until a mysterious voice says: “Stop!”

Cerebus turns around, and quickly unsheathes his sword, and looks at a mysterious stranger, taller than he his, wearing a mysterious green robe all around his body, but not posing any immediate threat. Still, never one to take any strange, new occurrence lightly, Cerebus stands his ground with caution. Cerebus shouts: “Who are you stranger?! Reveal yourself!”

The stranger's voice is clearly male, but beyond that, Cerebus can determine nothing about him. The stranger says: “My real name is not important to you now. You may simply refer to me as the Green Hood. The fact of the matter is, I have been documenting things as they are happening in this time, because these events are too important, to be lost to the mists of time.”

Cerebus asks: “What the HELL are you TALKING about?!”

The Green Hood says: “Your language is MOST offensive to me, as is your monochromatic view of the world. You may find that as you continue your journeys, things are not always as simple as they appear to be. You will find complex people, fight evil villains, and travel across many strange, different lands.”

Cerebus asks: “Why do you think that you KNOW what Cerebus will do or not do?!”

The Green Hood says: “Because there is a belief by many, that YOU are the Earth-pig born, who will fulfill the sacred prophecy, and usher in a golden age of peace and prosperity, the likes of which will not be seen again for another 14,000 years.”

Cerebus is intrigued, and says: “A sacred prophecy, huh? That sounds like something Cerebus can get behind! What does Cerebus have to do in order to fulfill this prophecy?”

The Green Hood says: “I'm afraid I cannot guide you through these adventures. I'm afraid this is a path you must carve out on your own. You will surely make mistakes, you will make unlikely companions, unwanted adversaries, and not everyone will like you; some of it warranted, some of it not. But if you truly wish to fulfill this prophecy, and become MORE, than just an Earth-pig born; if you truly ARE the one, who will fulfill the sacred prophecy, you will know it yourself, when you find the ability to fight for something more, than just yourself.”

Cerebus asks: “Something more than just myself? What does THAT even look like?!”

The Green Hood says: “That question is not mine to answer. It is something you must find out for yourself. But I can point you to the start of your long journey. If you truly want to start finding answers about yourself, than go to the nearby town, there are people waiting there for someone like you to help them! There will be gold, there will be liquor, and there will be someone who will prove to be very valuable to Cerebus on his journey!”

Cerebus excitingly asks: “Who will Cerebus meet in this town?!”

The Green Hood simply says: “You will know, soon enough.”

And the Green Hood begins to walk away. Cerebus asks: “Wait! Where are you going?!”

The Green Hood replies: “I go wherever I am needed, and I am no longer needed to send help to the town. It is already on its way. But I am certain that one day, we will meet again. And maybe, someday, you may be able to find out who I TRULY am, when you are ready to accept the possibility of being a complex creature. Until that day comes, I bid you farewell...”

And the Green Hood suddenly vanishes, as if he disappeared RIGHT with the blowing wind! Cerebus says: “There is something very strange about this Green Hood that Cerebus can't put his sword on. But prophecy or none, this town will be a good place for Cerebus, to get his fill of gold and beer! Time to find this person, that the Green Hood has spoken of...”

Cerebus walks onto the main drag of what has been labeled as Daltonville. Despite, the earlier hooting and hollering, that Cerebus has heard earlier, everything is now eerily quiet in this small town. All Cerebus can see, as he's walking, looking for a place to get his fill, are nervous-looking people, either quickly running inside and locking their doors, or taking quick glances through the shadows of the drapes in their open air windows. Cerebus suddenly smells something funny, and he looks around, and he sees a very crudely drawn sign that points to a place in the ground, where a big hole has been dug, that is CLEARLY not for anyone to go down, because the sign as written, says: “Shitting Spot: 5 Gold pieces, DON'T be chintzy!”

And sure enough, Cerebus gazes in bewilderment as an elderly, old man, quickly runs toward the hole, puts five gold pieces into the big, glass jar, than quickly removes his trousers, and does his, 'business', in a way that even CEREBUS finds repulsive! Cerebus says to himself: “Forget saving the PEOPLE! These people need to learn a little something called common decency!”

Eventually, Cerebus finds what he's looking for. A place, with big red letters, called “Dastardly Dalton's Smiling Saloon.” And in smaller, red letters, reads: “Drink and gawk at your OWN risk!”

Cerebus shrugs says: “Cerebus doesn't know what this 'gawk' means, but as long as Cerebus can drink, than that's for Cerebus!”

Cerebus walks into the saloon, and all matter of uncouth, barbaric low-lifes are hanging out in the saloon, while a seemingly Western tune version of the “Tatooine Cantina Band Music” plays in the back-ground. A Black-haired man, wearing a brown, cowboy-like hat, with a black mustache, beady eyes, and wearing clothes that are both fancy and seemingly DRIPPING with snake-skin oil, jostles the drink-mixer of the saloon awake, and in a Southern-type drawl, he says: “Get a look at this, Dry Dalton, we've got a live one here!”

And in a dry-type voice, the pale, bald-headed man wearing a monocle and fancy clothes, Dry Dalton replies: “A live one? We haven't had one of those in a while, Dastardly! Maybe we should treat him to a drink and a show!”

Dastardly Dalton chuckles, and says: “I'll get the saucy ringer out! She ALWAYS knocks them off their feet!”

Dry Dalton says: “You sure do like to make MONKEYS out of these rubes!”

Dastardly Dalton says: “Why not? Business is business! And it's always business!”

And Dastardly Dalton rushes off into the back room. Cerebus makes his way to the counter, and unable to see anything above the counter due to his short height, he gets up on a high chair, in order to see his drink selections properly. Cerebus asks: “May Cerebus ask what you and that tall man were talking about?”

Dry Dalton says: “Merely talking about our best business move for ourselves today! What would you like on this hot day?!”

Cerebus sharply says: “Something STRONG; and something wet!”

Dry Dalton eagerly says: “OOH! Straight AND to the point! We like that in a customer! I'll get you the Dry Dalton Deluxe!”

Cerebus asks: “Just out of curiosity; how much IS this Dry Dalton Deluxe?!”

Dry Dalton says: “Normally, we charge ten gold pieces. Five for the drink, and five for the show! But for you, our SPECIAL guest, the drink is on the house, and the show...well, we'll let YOU decide how much you want to give...HER!!!!”

And Dry Dalton passes the potent mixture to Cerebus! Now, normally, the mixture of moth-balls, dragon sauce, horse-radish, ghost peppers, and Tequila Sunrise would be powerful enough to knock out a raging BULL!!!! But Cerebus, having had a LONG history of drinking such strong mixes in his life; his fur merely stands on end, on the back of his tail! Than Cerebus turns around in his chair, and looks on, as the show begins to start!

And a pair of shapely legs steps out, as a blonde-haired woman, wearing nothing more than a gold coin-plated bra and bikini, steps out to soft drum music. Dastardly Dalton says: “For your discerning entertainment pleasure this afternoon; our top draw in this town; ladies, gentlemen, and aardvark, the one and only, Red Sophia!”

In a sultry, sweet voice, Red Sophia starts singing her rendition of “Why Don't You Do Right?”; with her own suitable lyrics of course. Red Sophia sings: “You had plenty of money, when you were 22. You let other women make a fool of you. Why don't you do right like some other men do? Get out of here, get me some money to. You're sitting down wondering what it's all about. If you got no money, they will put you out. Why don't you do right like some other men do? Get out of here, get me some money to. If you had prepared years ago, you wouldn't be wandering from door to door. Why don't you do right like some other men do? Get out of here, get me some money to.”

Than she approaches close to Cerebus, and teasingly touches him, as if she's singing DIRECTLY to him! Red Sophia sings: “Get out of here, get me some money to. Why don't you do right like some other men, do?” / And the sultry song ends as everyone in the saloon, out of fear or not, applauds loudly!

Cerebus suddenly perks up as Red Sophia goes to her dressing room, and Cerebus asks: “Who is that woman's name?”

Dry Dalton says: “Her name is Red Sophia. Where she comes from, we have no Earthly idea, nor do we much care! All we care about is whether or not she can knock them off their feet! And she NEVER disappoints! I've got a feeling, she wants a guy like YOU; to help her 'out', so to speak!”

Cerebus, drunk both off booze and with lust, eagerly says: “Cerebus MUST get to know this Red Sophia BETTER! She MUST be the one Cerebus was meant to know!”

Cerebus heads up to Red Sophia's dressing room, which at least has a swinging, wooden door unlike the rest of the poor town. Cerebus knocks on it, and Cerebus asks: “Woman, acquaintance would like to meet your Cerebus! I mean, meet acquaintance like would to Cerebus your! I mean, Cerebus your acquaintance like would to meet your!”

Red Sophia, still dressed in her show-gear, opens the door, and she simply says: “For future reference, when you're trying to introduce yourself to a woman, especially one of my exceptional status, it might be a good idea to do it, when you're NOT completely drunk like a skunk!”

Cerebus shakes his head, and regains some of his composure! Cerebus says: “You must forgive Cerebus, if that is actually possible! Cerebus doesn't get much practice having to actually 'talk' with people, as it were.”

Red Sophia eyes Cerebus, as if 'sizing him up.' And while she inwardly LIKES what she seems, she acts as though she is potentially disinterested, mainly saying: “You're not wearing any pants!”

Cerebus says: “Cerebus has never needed them, being an Earth-pig born. They just act as a liability in combat, and they DON'T allow Cerebus to breathe where Cerebus really NEEDS it!”

Red Sophia says: “You're a warrior, aren't you? You must be, otherwise, you wouldn't be carrying that insanely huge sword around!”

Cerebus says: “Cerebus is the finest warrior you will ever meet in all of Estarcion, or Acheron for that matter! Terim has been good to Cerebus in that regard!”

Red Sophia says: “And judging by your 'immense package', I would say that puberty has been EXCEPTIONALLY kind to you!”

Cerebus says: “Cerebus just works with whatever Cerebus was given!”

Red Sophia says: “So, what are you here for; business, or pleasure?”

Cerebus says: “If you're so inclined, both!”

Red Sophia scoffs, and she says: “Oh, you're another one of THOSE types of warriors, who think that they can just 'have their way' with any woman alive, just because of their fighting skills, or because of their package! But there's something you need to know about me, I can be QUITE capable with a sword if I am needed to! For instance, I will NEVER give sex to ANY man, unless they are able to defeat that man in fair combat!”

Cerebus merely responds: “That is the single stupidest thing that Cerebus has ever heard! And furthermore, if you're so good with a sword, why are you working for THESE bozo's?!”

Red Sophia gets close to him, and whispers quietly: “Keep it on the down-low, but I'm not exactly 'working' for these creeps because I enjoy it! I'm not sure if you've noticed, but this entire town is being exploited by a bunch of creeps! They're forcing these towns-people to pay for EVERYTHING! Even that, 'Pooping Pit'!”

Cerebus says: “It's called a 'Shitting Spot', and that's PRECISELY what people seem to do when they need to relieve themselves! The question is, why PAY to do what is absolutely necessary?”

Red Sophia says: “These Dalton Brothers may be creeps, but they're NOT unskilled! They are EXPERT archers! Riding on horse-back, they are able to hit a target from 400 feet away, and hit something as small as a garbanzo bean on a wooden fence!”

Cerebus merely shrugs his shoulders, and he says: “Cerebus has fought much worse, AND far more competent! Cerebus will take care of these creeps! What exactly will Cerebus have to do?”

Red Sophia looks at Cerebus strangely and asks: “First, answer me one question. Do you ALWAYS refer to yourself in the third-person?!”

Cerebus says: “Cerebus does not know who this 'third-person' is, Cerebus merely talks the way that Cerebus has always talked!”

Red Sophia still looks at Cerebus weirdly, but decides to drop it, and she just says: “I guess we could STILL make something work!”

Cerebus says: “So, did you happen to have anything in mind?”

Red Sophia says: “The double-agent play. You pretend to want to work for Dirty Dalton, the brother of Dastardly Dalton. But in reality, you're really working for me!”

Cerebus asks: “How does Cerebus KNOW that Cerebus can trust you?!”

And before Cerebus can even blink, Red Sophia draws out her sword, and stops INCHES from his left ear! Red Sophia says: “If I wanted to cut off PART of your left ear, I could do it BEFORE you even had a chance to BLINK! The only reason I don't do so, is because I personally despise having to shed blood needlessly! Violence isn't always the answer!”

Cerebus says: “You're faster than Cerebus initially gave you credit for, but Cerebus has never ran into a situation that didn't end up requiring Cerebus to fight!”

Red Sophia thinks about it, and she says: “All right, how about a little incentive? You take care of these Dalton brothers; not just for my sake, but this whole town. And, depending on your, 'performance,' I will personally accompany you as your, 'morality pet' wherever you may go.”

Cerebus says: “The journey that Cerebus travels on, does not know where it will ultimately lead. It is NOT for the faint of heart!”

Red Sophia says: “I can take care of myself, and anybody else we may end up picking up! I'm NOT just another pretty face, you know!”

Cerebus says: “So, you're saying you won't LEAVE Cerebus, once this adventure has begun?”

Red Sophia says: “I'm not scared, I'm not incompetent, and I'm not a cynic! I will NEVER abandon you on your journey! You can COUNT on that!”

Cerebus says: “That remains to be seen. Actions speak louder than words.”

Red Sophia says: “So, does that mean you won't cause excessive HARM to the Dalton brothers?”

Cerebus seriously looks at her, as if TRYING to wonder for just WHAT purpose Red Sophia would ASK such a question! But seeing as how Cerebus is a...pretty POOR judge on just why a woman would ask him a question of ANY nature; Cerebus merely says: “Cerebus makes it a point to never make a promise that Cerebus can't keep. Just know this; Cerebus isn't noble, and Cerebus isn't nice!”

Red Sophia asks: “So, what separates YOU from the Dalton brothers?”

Cerebus says: “One important difference; Cerebus NEVER lies about Cerebus' true intentions! And you would do best to remember that difference well!”

And Cerebus leaves to enact his plan; and Red Sophia can't help but be slightly impressed by Cerebus' sincere, if blunt, honesty! Cerebus heads across the street, to a building that reads in grimy, brown, dusty letters: “Dirty Dalton's Gambling Hall”. And in smaller, brown letters, reads: “Try your luck, if you DARE!”

Cerebus groans, and says to himself: “Cerebus cannot BELIEVE the audacity of these people!”

As soon as Cerebus walks into the Gambling Hall, he immediately notices the change in the very AIR he is smelly! While nowhere NEAR as smelly as the “Shitting Spot”, or as slimy as the Saloon, the air seems to be FILLED with dirt and dust, either over the dumb, or the desperate, who are trying their luck to win at the RIGGED games of chance! Looking around, Cerebus sees a roulette table, a game of Craps, Poker, and a shell game that uses ACTUAL living turtles! The dirt and dust, seems to becoming from one man! A tall, burly, brown shaggy-haired man, that seems to have NEVER taken a BATH in his entire life! Cerebus, dead-pan, asks himself: “Gee, I wonder if THAT is Dirty Dalton?!”

As if seeking to answer his question, a small, dwarfish, little man with brown hair and a brown hat, runs up to the tall man, and asks: “Who is that man, Dirty Dalton?! I have never seen him before?!”

And Dirty Dalton's intelligence, or rather, severe LACK thereof, comes on display immediately! Dirty says: “Gee, I don't know, Dinky Dalton. Perhaps we ought to run some games of CHANCE against him! Deadpan Dalton, set up a game of cards against this...creature thingy!”

Cerebus angrily mutters: “Cerebus is NOT a creature thingy! Cerebus is an AARDVARK!”

A tall, thin, Goth-looking, black-haired man, wearing lots of black eye-liner, wearing black clothes, but his skin as pale and plain looking as snow, unenthusiastically says: “Hey. I'm Deadpan Dalton. So named because over the course of my entire, uneventful life, I've never cracked a smile or uttered a single joke, or said anything remotely funny. So come with me, we're going to see how lucky you are at playing cards if you're up for it.”

Cerebus sarcastically says: “GEE, you're Mr. Sunshine, aren't you?!”

Not picking up the sarcasm, Deadpan Dalton says: “I'm allergic to sunshine, I break out in hives, which is why Dirty and Dinky never let me out of this saloon. Anyways, we're going to be playing Full House. I'm sure you've heard of it. We each get a set of cards, and whoever has the higher scoring set of cards will win the house pot of 5,000 gold pieces, or a Fistful of Gold Pieces. That would make for a nice title for a chapter of your biography, wouldn't it?”

Cerebus doesn't understand Deadpan's way of talking, and Cerebus merely says: “For the life of Cerebus, you do not make yourself very clear to understand.”

Deadpan Dalton says: “I'm not supposed to. Anyways, here are YOUR four cards, and I'll pick MY four cards!”

Deadpan ruffles through the cards, while Cerebus DISCREETLY notices that every FOURTH card that Deadpan picks out until he picks out four, is discreetly marked with a TINY red mark, that would almost certainly be MISSED to the untrained eye! Deadpan picks out his cards, and even though he still HAS a good hand, he unenthusiastically says: “Wow. I've got a rare royal flush with a Jack of Diamonds, Ace of Spades, King of Clubs, and a Queen of Hearts. What do YOU have stranger?”

But Cerebus has FINALLY lost his patience (or what little he HAD to begin with, and STABS his sword through Deadpan's heart, and sharply says: “I got two pairs of three's!”

Deadpan weakly says: “Beats me.”

And Deadpan drops over...well, DEAD! Dinky suddenly rushes and says: “Deadpan! What did you DO to him, you...rapscallion?!”

Cerebus scoff and says: “Rapscallion?! Look who's talking! How do you expect ANYONE to win against the house, when the house itself CLEARLY plays with a RIGGED deck?!”

Dinky simply sputters and says: “WHAT?! How did YOU know that this house used a loaded deck to swindle customers out of their money?!”

All the paying customers shout: “WHAT?!!!”

Cerebus smiles and says: “Simple. First off, Cerebus NOTICED the red marks that Deadpan pulled out on every single card he used to try to beat Cerebus, forgetting that a SHARP sword BEATS a Royal Flush every single time! Second, you just told EVERYONE in the gambling hall HERE, you MORON!”

Dinky looks nervous, and shouts: “Dirty! Call the brothers! There's a dangerous BARBARIAN here! You've got to GET--!!”

But Dinky NEVER gets to finish his thought, because Cerebus quickly SWIPES Dinky's head clear off his shoulders! Cerebus says: “Now you can be called DECAPITATED Dalton!”

Than, four identical looking Dalton brothers suddenly swoop down, hidden in the rafters of the roof of the gambling hall! In unison, from left to right, they say: “We're the Dalton Brother quadruplets! Damon, Darren, Derrick, and Dillon! We're the best archers in ALL of Acheron! And YOU better run for your life!”

Cerebus merely says: “You don't scare Cerebus. You don't know that Cerebus NEVER runs away from ANYONE! The Dalton quadruplets say: “How INTERESTING! Well, you have until the count of FIVE to change your mind, and surrender ALL your gold pieces to us, to make up for killing two of our comrades!”

Cerebus quickly looks around, and sees a GIANT chandelier with candles, hanging OVER the four Dalton Brothers! The Dalton quadruplets say: “One, two, three, four--!!”

Cerebus shouts: “Five!”

And Cerebus THROWS his sword in an arcing motion, that manages to CUT the rope holding the chandelier up, which falls ONTO the Dalton Brother quadruplets, CRUSHING them BELOW the wooden floor! The lit candles IGNITE the place on fire, and Cerebus says: “What are you waiting for?! Get out of here NOW!!!!”

The remaining spectators waste NO time in complying with Cerebus' orders, except for Dirty Dalton, who's too busy SCRAMBLING for the gold pieces scattered around the building, instead of trying to escape with his life, and his clothes ignite on fire! And he simply runs around, SCREAMING like an idiot, making the fire on him WORSE, until the fire COMPLETELY consumes him, and he's reduced to a burnt HUSK of a man! Cerebus says: “Eh, he was too dumb to live anyways!”

Cerebus and the other spectators rush out of the burning building, and they watch in fascination as it BURNS to the ground! Dastardly and Dry Dalton come out of their saloon, with their hands CLENCHED in rage, and Dastardly asks: “What, have, you, DONE?!!!”

Cerebus says: “Cerebus merely did you a favor, and RID you of your rival Dalton Brothers! That IS what your loyal employee, Red Sophia, TOLD Cerebus to do!”

Dastardly angrily says: “I merely wanted you to TRICK them into running out of town, so WE could have the ENTIRE business ALL to ourselves! How are we supposed to do that if HALF of it has burnt to the ground?! What gives you the RIGHT to do that to us?!”

Cerebus says: “First off, your businesses are dishonest and crooked! You look for every single conceivable way you can to make a few gold pieces off these people, and you take it! Secondly, you're both hypocrites and liars! BOTH of you! Did you think that just because Cerebus was some sort of stranger, that Cerebus wouldn't immediately see through your crooked game?! You never had any ACTUAL animosity towards your other brothers, you just PRETENDED to, so that these towns-people wouldn't see THROUGH your little ruse of trying to control both sides of the town, and make these people THINK that they didn't have any power AGAINST you OR your brothers!”

Dry Dalton smirks, and says: “No POWER, huh?! We'll SEE about THAT!!!! Dangerous Dalton, come hither! And bring that HOSTAGE!!!!”

The sounds of a woman SCREAMING are heard, and Cerebus and the rest of the towns-people hear the sounds of some HEAVY footsteps THUDDING into the ground, until the sight of a muscular, brawny, red-haired man, looking to be about 6 feet, eleven inches comes into view, holding Red Sophia HOSTAGE!!!! Dastardly turns around and gleefully says: “You see what kind of power I wield?! This is DANGEROUS Dalton! The biggest, meanest, nastiest, and most POWERFUL of the Dalton Brothers! That's why the other Dalton brothers never DARED to make a move against me! And I also use him as an insurance policy, so if anyone even THINKS about not paying up for something, ESPECIALLY the Shitting Spot, there will be HELL to pay for them!”

Red Sophia struggles, and she angrily shouts: “Let me go, you muscular CREEP!!!!”

Dastardly Dalton gets a WICKED smile, and he says: “Oh, I'm afraid I can't DO that, you FILTHY little SLUT!!!! This CREEPY low-life needs to be taught a LESSON in what HAPPENS when you CROSS the Dalton brothers! I'm going to DEFILE you and PERSONALLY work your body ALL over ANYWAY I want TO, doing every single NASTY thing I can THINK of, and if Cerebus tries to STOP me, I'll have Dangerous Dalton BREAK that pretty little NECK of yours, and I'll defile your dead CORPSE anyways! What do you say to THAT, you filthy WHORE?!!!”

But Red Sophia indicates just WHY she is named Red Sophia, as she gets a CRAZED, blood-red look in her eyes, and she defiantly says: “Red Sophia is NO WHORE!!!!”

And she KICKS Dangerous Dalton in the balls, than takes out her SWORD, and IMMEDIATELY starts SLASHING Dastardly Dalton, once, twice, thrice, four, five, six, seven, eight...she cuts Dangerous Dalton SO many times, that Cerebus loses COUNT altogether! And Red Sophia doesn't STOP until Dangerous Dalton is COMPLETELY cut to RIBBONS!!!! Even Cerebus is impressed by Red Sophia's ruthlessness, and he says: “WOAH! Cerebus CLEARLY underestimated you!”

Dry Dalton starts shaking nervously, and he says: “But that sword was for SHOW!!!! You're not supposed to...!”

Red Sophia angrily seethes, SPITS on the cut corpse of Dangerous Dalton, and finishes: “Be able to CUT anyone to pieces?! You despicable pieces of FILTH TRASH, Red Sophia---DAMMIT!!!! Now I'M starting to talk in the third-person just like Cerebus! Anyways, I was NEVER just your PRETTY little employer, keeping tabs on your competition, and working the customers over! I was aware of your little game, I just never realized just how LOW you were willing to stoop to keep your pathetic little positions over this town! I had a REAL sword, and I swiped out your SHOW sword AGES ago! I could have cut you up anytime I wanted to, and the only reason I didn't, was because I thought you might actually have a little DECENCY!!!! But you've shown your true colors to me! And NOW you must face the WRATH of the she-warrior, Red Sophia!!!!”

Dastardly Dalton quickly says: “Dry Dalton; protect your family legacy and ME!!!!”

Dry Dalton scoffs and says: “Screw the family LEGACY! I want to LIVE!!!!”

And Dry Dalton tries to QUICKLY run away, only for Cerebus to throw his sword forward VERTICALLY, cutting his body in two, separating his TOP half from his lower half, and he bleeds to death and loses consciousness! Dastardly Dalton says: “What kind of FREAKS are you?! You think you can just WALK in here and take away EVERYTHING the Dalton Brothers have worked for?! We MADE this town! We OWN it! This town would be NOTHING without us!”

Cerebus says: “It would be a lot NICER, that's for sure! Now, here's a sadistic question for YOU; since you seem to like them so much! How would you like Cerebus to KILL you?!”

Red Sophia gets a sly look, and she says: “Oh, death would be MUCH too good for a sniveling little COWARD, like Dastardly Dalton! After all, if you KILL him, he learns NOTHING! Why don't we show him what HAPPENS to someone who TRIES to cross Red Sophia?!”

Cerebus asks: “What did you have in mind?!”

Red Sophia says: “I have something VERY fitting in mind for a piece of SHIT like Dastardly Dalton! Put HIM in the Shitting Spot!!!!”

Dastardly Dalton desperately says: “Not the Shitting Spot! NOT the SHITTING SPOT!!!! ANYTHING but the SHITTING SPOT!!!!”

But Cerebus and Red Sophia pay him no heed, and throw him RIGHT down into the Shitting Spot, which is filled with the most disgusting sorts of human AND animal excrement that one can imagine! Cerebus smiles, as he looks to the towns-people and he says: “Citizens of Daltonville, you're now free to do your 'business' wherever you may please. But first, why don't you exact some poetic justice on Dastardly Dalton, by BURYING him in something that he tried to profit from?!”

Dastardly Dalton screams: “Don't DO what I THINK you're going to DO!!!! PLEASE let me OUT! I'll give you ANYTHING!!!!”

Cerebus merely says: “If you TRULY had anything that Cerebus wanted, Cerebus has already TAKEN it from you! And now, I'm taking your DIGNITY and life with it! Citizens, if you will!!!!”

Than everyone in the whole town gathers, removes their trousers or dresses, and squats really hard, as Dastardly shouts: “No, NO, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” (PLOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

And the sound of Dastardly's screams die off, as he is BURIED in a pile of human excrement! The old geezer, that Cerebus saw earlier, walks up to Cerebus and says: “On behalf of the people in this town, we would like to thank you for ridding us of the menace of the Dalton Brothers! Those men were EVIL fiends, trying to run our lives! But you two, took it upon yourselves to take down these Dalton Brothers, and save us from salvation! How can we ever repay you?”

Red Sophia says: “First, do one thing. Can you do SOMETHING about that 'Pooping Pit? Maybe build an enclosed building around it, so that people can do their business in PRIVACY?!”

The old geezer says: “Yes, Red Sophia!”

Cerebus says: “Secondly, we need some money, food, and liquor before we head out on our way. Not all of your money, just 5,000 gold pieces will do.”

The old geezer says: “We can give you a three week supply of food and liquor. And 5,000 gold pieces is a small price to pay to have our lives back!”

The people give the gold pieces to Cerebus, and the supply of food and liquor to Red Sophia! Cerebus turns to Red Sophia, and he says: “So, where should Cerebus and Cerebus' morality pet go next?”

Red Sophia says: “Hold up! I said I would join you based on your performance today! I wanted you to do it WITHOUT causing unnecessary violence and blood-shed! I did NOT say to go nuts!”

Cerebus says: “Would you PREFER that Cerebus had done NOTHING, and you had gone ON with your life, ignoring the SLIMY advances of Dastardly Dalton until he had gotten you ALL alone, with NOTHING to defend yourself?! You weren't exactly merciful with Dangerous Dalton when you cut him to pieces YOURSELF, you know!”

Red Sophia, despite not WANTING to admit that she DID go nuts herself, just merely says: “The fact that I USED violence MYSELF, to keep myself safe today, doesn't make YOU right!”

Cerebus says: “Of course not! Being RIGHT, would make Cerebus right! See how that works?! Besides, I thought you were only interested in having sex with a man that you had beaten in fair combat! But, you didn't beat ME in fair combat, now, did you?!”

Red Sophia gets a sly smile, and she says: “Of course, I never said the sex HAD to BE with the man that I beat in fair combat, did I? I mean, I DID technically beat Dangerous Dalton in combat, didn't I?! And, before you say I should have sex with him, I completely cut him up to ribbons, so...I obviously can't have sex with HIM now, can I?!”

Cerebus says: “Are you saying, that you're going to utilize a LOOPHOLE to have sex with Cerebus?!”

Red Sophia smiles, and she says: “I won't tell anyone if YOU won't! Why don't we head out? We can find a traveling caravan somewhere, and see where our adventures take us from there?!”

As Cerebus and Red Sophia walk out of Daltonville, Cerebus smiles lovingly, and he says: “Red Sophia, Cerebus has the feeling that this is the beginning of a BEAUTIFUL friendship...!” /

Episode Notes: First appearance of a being known as The Green Hood. He will appear periodically throughout Cerebus' adventures in season one, often to kick-start his adventure at wherever Cerebus will be needed. First appearance of canon character, Red Sophia, who, despite having the same name as her canon namesake, is actually a hybrid characterization of BOTH Red Sophia and Jaka, two of Cerebus' canon love interests! Featured music in this episode: A Western version of the “Tatoonie Band Cantina Music,” and “Why Don't You Do Right?”; sung by Red Sophia.

Personal Notes: There were some tropes that I wanted to introduce into this episode of “Cerebus,” which will surely make their appearance again in other episodes. One overall trope that will appear throughout the story arc of “Cerebus”, is the “Sliding Scale of Optimism Versus Cynicism.” The other, is “Jerkass Has a Point.” While Cerebus is not exactly the best character in his OWN story, the reason why HE'S the central protagonist of his own story, is that unlike the villains he fights, he is HONEST about his own character faults! Another trope I used was “Rule of Cool.” That's why a Western version of the “Tatoonie Band Cantina Music,” and “Why Don't You Do Right?”, based on the Amy Irving version appearing in “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?”, appear in this episode, despite this episode taking place 14,000 years before EITHER of those pieces of music even came into existence! Finally, the main trope of this episode was a “Fistful of Rehashes.” This episode was loosely based on the Spaghetti Western movie, “A Fistful of Dollars”, which is why the episode is titled “A Fistful of Gold Pieces.” There are other tropes that appear in this story as well, but I will save them for when it comes time to discuss them on the Tropes utilized in “Cerebus” topic thread discussion. I know this episode is a little short compared to Renegade's first episode; just consider this episode as getting my feet wet, and as a warm-up for later episodes that I write for “Cerebus!” / Enough said, true believers!

•  

[4EverGreen]

Shock the Monkey!

 

Captain Retro narrates, and he says: “Previously, on Power Rangers Multiverse Force...

I brought the Power Rangers and several of their friends into the Command Center, to show them memories of their past, to educate them and to help prepare them for the upcoming battles ahead. There, they learned how D.O.G., first got his collar, why Radiguet became such a great evil, what makes Mrs. Little who she is, how I first met BlackHawk, why Woolbur hates Dr. Maniac so much, and we found out just WHAT the Chaos Gods are planning with the other Rangers! And very soon, the Power Rangers and Woolbur will find themselves TESTED by Dr. Maniac himself, in a place that BlackHawk is very familiar with, from a place he spent much time in his youth...”

 

The scene opens up in the Command Center, where BlackHawk and the other Power Rangers are still standing around, wondering to do with all of this new information they have acquired. Naruto asks: “What should be our first order of business now?”

 

Omnus says: “Patience! Whatever Queen Beryl has planned, we have to wait for her to act before we can make a move! Then, and ONLY then, can a proper judgment be passed on her Youma!”

BlackHawk says: “I don't know about you, but personally, I'm going for another SESSION in the Simulation Planet!”

Alpha Eight asks: “Already? Haven't you had enough for one day?”

 

BlackHawk says: “Come on! Punch it up! Or do you think I'm already as strong as Usagi?”

Alpha Eight says: “The scanners indicate that you currently have a power level of 21,000. Usagi has a power level of at LEAST 24,000, if not more!”

Queen Hedrian excitedly asks: “And what's MY power level?!”

Alpha Eight scans her, and he chuckles, and says: “Sorry! You only have a power level of about 16,660! Your sister, the Magi Mother, has a power level of about 180,000! That's at least ten times STRONGER, than she EVER was, when she USED to be evil!”

Queen Hedrian flatly asks: “Seriously?”

Usagi says: “WOW!!!! BlackHawk and I could BOTH kick you around the PARK if we WANTED to!”

BlackHawk says: “Well, 21,000 isn't strong enough for me! I need to be at LEAST as strong as Usagi, if we're going to have a decent shot against Queen Beryl!”

 

Omnus says: “Look; dedication is ONE thing, but if you let it, this whole business of being a Ranger can chew you up and SPIT you out! Do you want to look like JUSTIN when you hit forty...ish?”

BlackHawk says: “I DON'T want ANY of us to become a Scrappy or a Butt-Monkey like Justin! Not even Ebony! All I want for us, is to be prepared for whatever the next threat ends up being!”

 

Captain Retro warps back into the Command Center, and he says: “And I'm afraid the next threat has just landed RIGHT on your door step, BlackHawk!”

 

Pinkie asks: “Back so SOON? Did you forget something?”

Captain Retro shakes his head and says: “No. The Magi Father just intercepted an URGENT message, from Camp Kidney; BlackHawk! You DO remember that place, don't you?!”

BlackHawk asks: “How could I ever forget?!”

Captain Retro says: “Well, this message came from an old friend of yours, BlackHawk! The hamster named Samson! I'll have the Magi Father play you the message now, but just be prepared! Samson has changed QUITE a lot since you met him last!”

 

BlackHawk says: “Well, ever since I introduced Samson to those holistic treatments to take care of his seasonal allergies, Samson DID mention something about starting to work out more. I wonder how that ever worked out for him?”

 

Captain Retro excitedly says: “Oh, it worked out for HIM; and a good thing, to! Just watch!”

On the Viewing Globe, the message plays. In a dark, underground basement, a very tall, very MUSCULAR anthropomorphic hamster is hiding with some familiar old FRIENDS of BlackHawk's! Namely, Edward, Chip, Skip, Almondine, and Freddie. BlackHawk is taken aback, and he says: “WOAH!!!! That guy got RIPPED in the past five years!”

 

Samson says: “BlackHawk; are you out there?! You once told me that I could call on you whenever I needed your help, right? Well, I need your help now, more than ever. WE need your help now, more than ever! A terrible, technological mad scientist who calls himself Dr. Maniac, has descended upon our peaceful community of Prickly Pines, and has STARTED capturing ALL of our civilians, and taken him to his top secret scientific lab, hidden within the forest! I managed to save a few of my friends from being captured; but our other friends were not...I don't know what Dr. Maniac might be DOING to them, or what he has planned in store! But you were ALWAYS capable of doing astounding things, even if the rest of us didn't understand how you did them! You're the only guy we can turn to now! BlackHawk, PLEASE help us!”

 

Captain Retro says: “We just got that message only a few minutes ago! You're going, aren't you?”

BlackHawk seriously says: “Of COURSE we are! I could NEVER leave my old friends alone; especially not if we're finally going to MEET Dr. Maniac face to face!”

 

Captain Retro turns to Woolbur, and Captain Retro says: “Woolbur, you will accompany BlackHawk, Lettuce, and Pinkie for this very important mission! Just remember, don't let ANYTHING that Dr. Maniac and his cronies SAY to you; GET to you! They WANT to push your Berserk Button, Woolbur! The trick is, that you don't LET them; no matter what! Got it?!”

Woolbur looks seriously, and he says: “I understand, Captain Retro. You can COUNT on me!”

 

Toby asks: “But what about the REST of us?!”

Captain Retro says: “I need some Rangers to stay here and keep things safe; just in case Queen Beryl decides to send another Youma to Coastal Falls while the rest of us are away. Besides, with a MOSTLY human Dr. Maniac terrorizing Prickly Pines right now; the anthropomorphic animal civilians probably AREN'T going to be too happy to see any MORE humans wandering around in their little town.”

 

Ebony says: “It's not like it's OUR fault Dr. Maniac is around!”

Captain Retro seriously says: “Regardless, I don't want to send ANY of you into ANY situation that you might not come OUT of...ALIVE!!!!”

D.O.G., and Coop warp into the Command Center, and D.O.G., says: “And we're coming, to!”

BlackHawk says: “You don't need to do that! We're FINE on our own!”

 

Coop seriously says: “BlackHawk, you once told me, when you first joined the Woo Foo Warriors, that when faced with a REALLY bad situation in which there appear to be only TWO bad choices to make, you should ALWAYS take a THIRD option!”

 

BlackHawk asks: “But putting BOTH of you into harm's way?! That's NOT exactly the third option that I had in mind!”

Coop seriously says: “BlackHawk, you can't make me stay HOME for this one! I already TOLD mother that I was going to NEED to travel to Prickly Pines for a little friendly re-union with your old friends! Our mother thought that was a GREAT idea, and she's taking me and D.O.G., to Prickly Pines! We'll meet you; once we ALL get there!”

 

BlackHawk seriously asks: “You're bringing our MOTHER along?! What were you THINKING?!”

 

Coop seriously says: “Well, she wouldn't LET me take your Vespa, even WITH D.O.G., for such a long ride to Prickly Pines alone!”

D.O.G., says: “It's true. Your mother can be PRETTY stubborn when it comes to things like knowing exactly WHERE the two of you ARE at any one time!”

 

Coop says: “But don't worry, I have some good news for you as well! Billy, Alphys, and I, have FINALLY finished your NEW power Vehicles! Omnus, bring them in!”

 

Omnus zaps Billy into the Command Center, and with him five IMPRESSIVE new Power Vehicles! Toby says: “WOW!!!! This is SO cool!!!!”

 

Billy says: “Usagi, you get a brand-new solo vehicle; the Sailor Moon Cruiser!!!! It's capable of traveling into space, of speeds of up to Mach FIVE, or into the deep ocean! It is pure, white as snow, can be piloted by one person, and can comfortably fit up to eight Rangers in there, in case ALL of you need to jet out of somewhere in a hurry, and it has all the latest space laser technology, energy missiles, and energy torpedoes, that you could ever need!”

 

Usagi jumps up with joy, and she says: “AWESOME!!!! I'll take it!”

 

Billy says: “As for the rest of you; we managed to modify your OLD vehicles, so that they could work with your brand new powers! Ebony, you'll now be piloting the Electric Shocker with Pinkie Pie! And don't worry, we repainted YOUR half of the Electric Shocker black, to give it a much COOLER edge!”

 

Ebony says: “That is SO awesome!”

Pinkie says: “And I don't GET many opportunities to just TALK to Ebony about stuff that isn't just ABOUT our loving boyfriends! I'll take it!”

Billy says: “Naruto, your Fire Blazer is basically unchanged; the main difference is that it can now actually TRANSFORM into a FLAMING ball of energy for a finishing attack; as well as SCORCH enemies with a brand new flamethrower option!”

Naruto says: “That is HOT!!!!”

Billy says: “Lettuce, your Verde Aeroplane is NOW the Verde Starship! It's also capable of outer space travel now, capable of reaching speeds up to Mach FIVE, we've souped up your energy torpedoes, it can fire lasers now, and it can link up with the Sailor Moon Cruiser to form a cool, miniature Megazord if the need arises!”

 

Lettuce says: “I think I can safely say that no penguin on EARTH; with the possible exception of the Penguins of Madagascar, have EVER gotten to fly as much as I have!”

 

Billy says: “Toby, your Ice Smasher is now capable of going through ANY environment on Earth, can convert water into DEVASTATING energy attacks, and can link up with the Electric Shocker, to form another cool, miniature Megazord!”

BlackHawk asks: “And what about me?”

 

Billy says: “We've been trying to study the nature of your Woo Foo Powers, and transfer them into a cool new vehicle, much like your Vespa, to transform into any fierce energy animal you WANT to; but I'm afraid there's just so much about Woo Foo Magic that I don't understand. Coop has certainly been helping out a lot, but I would need YOUR help, if I'm ever going to make any progress!”

 

Omnus says: “It will have to wait for another day. And one last thing, your Power Vehicles are still capable of transforming into a Megazord just like before. It can either be piloted by YOU; or by your fellow Auxiliary Power Rangers, such as Billy, Rocky, Woolbur, StarHawk, and Kira, or whoever happens to be available. We will let you know of any NEW tricks we can make your Power Vehicles do, once Billy is able to finish up BlackHawk's Power Vehicle!”

 

Captain Retro says: “The time has come, my fellow Power Rangers! You'd better morph now, in order to PREPARE for whatever Dr. Maniac has in store for you! The Magi Mother and I will monitor your battle, and in case things start to go south, we'll send the other Rangers in, to help you out!”

 

Pinkie says: “Don't worry! We're ready for anything, RIGHT?!”

Her fellow anthropomorphic animal Rangers say: “Right!”

 

Lettuce says: “It's MORPHING TIME!!!!” /

 

BlackHawk says: “Spinosaurus!” / Woolbur says: “S.P.D. Emergency!” / Lettuce says: “Power of Jupiter! Lightning!!!!” / Pinkie says: “Power of Venus! Aether!!!!” /

 

The four Power Rangers land in the middle of Camp Kidney, and everything looks remarkably similar to what it was when BlackHawk was there last, the major difference is that there is now electric power running all throughout the camp! BlackHawk says: “Slinkman got electricity?! I guess Edward's complaining about the 'No Electricity' rule must have finally got to him!”

 

Woolbur says: “But it all looks so deserted! And it's quiet! TOO quiet!”

 

Then suddenly, a bunch of Mecha-Clones, black robots with red eyes and silver faces appear! Pinkie asks: “What are those things?!”

Woolbur says: “I remember those things; those are Mecha-Clones, Dr. Maniac's personal batch of cloned, mechanical goons!”

 

Lettuce says: “Dr. Maniac must definitely be around here, SOMEWHERE, then!”

 

Then suddenly, Captain Retro telepathically says: “This is Captain Retro, for 97.3, and 107.9, KEBF and KZSR the ROCK; with all your Retro Rocking music! Coming to you NOW is a hit single from Weird Al Yankovic, which I just found out, came out in 1988 off of the Even Worse album, titled I Think I'm a Clone Now, which is of course, parodying Tiffany's 1987 hit song, I Think We're Alone Now! I hope you enjoy this Retro Rocking hit from this Retro Rocking D.J.! Enjoy!”

 

And sure enough, the Power Rangers start hearing the tune as they start to beat up the Mecha-Clones! /

Weird Al sings: “Isn't it strange? Feels like I'm lookin' in the mirror. What would people say? If only they knew that I was part of some geneticist's plan! (Plan-plan-plan). Born to be a carbon copy man! (Man-man-man). There in a petri dish late one night; they took a donor's body cell and fertilized a human egg and so I say, I think I'm a clone now! There's always two of me just a-hangin' around! I think I'm a clone now, cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down! Look at the way, we go out walking close together! I guess you could say; I'm really beside myself! I still remember how it began! (Gan-gan-gan). They produced a carbon copy man! (Man-man-man). Born in a science lab late one night; without a mother or a father, just a test tube and a womb with a view! I think I'm a clone now; (a clone now)! There's always two of me just a-hangin' around! I think I'm a clone now; (a clone now)! Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down! I think I'm a clone now; (a clone now)! And I can stay at home while I'm out of town! I think I'm a clone now; (a clone now)! Cause every pair of genes is a hand-me-down!

Signing autographs for my fans! Come and meet the carbon copy man! Livin' in stereo, it's all right! Well, I can be my own best friend, and I can send myself for pizza, so I say; I think I'm a clone now! Another one of me's, always hangin' around! I think I'm a clone now, cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down! I think I'm a clone now; (a clone now)! I've been on Oprah Winfrey; I'm world renowned! I think I'm a clone now; (a clone now)! And every pair of genes is a hand-me-down! I think I'm a clone now; (a clone now)! That's my genetic twin always hangin' around! I think I'm a clone now; (a clone now)! Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down! I think I'm a clone now; (a clone now)!” /

 

And the epic song ends as every single Mecha-Clone is smashed onto the ground, and their bodies evaporate into nothingness! BlackHawk says: “You can always count on Captain Retro to provide us with the right song for whenever we need it!”

Lettuce looks off into the distance, at a very FANCY limo, and he says: “And just in time!!!! Your mother, brother, and D.O.G., must be arriving; because who ELSE besides ME, could own such a fancy ride?!”

Pinkie says: “We better de-morph for now, so your mother doesn't question why WE are here, and YOU are not!”

They duck behind a cabin to turn back to normal, then they rush outside, to meet with BlackHawk's mother and brother! D.O.G., runs out first to GREET them! D.O.G., says: “WOW!!!! What a fantastic PLACE!!!! There are so many INTERESTING things to SMELL here!”

 

Mrs. Little gets out, and she tries her BEST to swat all the mosquitoes away, who are ATTRACTED by the sweet smell of her perfume! Mrs. Little says: “There's too many BUGS here!!!! Whoever invented these pests should DIE!!!!”

Coop gets out, and he seriously says: “Well, this IS basically the wilderness, and you DID insist on coming here WITH us!”

Mrs. Little says: “This ground isn't NEARLY soft enough for my feet! Thankfully, for us, I can FLY!!!!”

 

And Mrs. Little undoes a back-strap on the back of her dress-shirt, and her back wings are allowed to stretch themselves free, and she just hovers in the ground, not having to actually touch it!

 

Lettuce scoffs, and he says: “Show-off!”

 

BlackHawk chuckles, and he says: “It's good to see that you managed to drive all the way here, safely! I trust that Coop managed your driving directions carefully?!”

 

Coop says: “Of course I did! Heaven KNOWS where our mom would end up if it WEREN'T for me! She'd probably be lost in Lost Hills, California right now!”

 

Mrs. Little groans, and she says: “That's just GREAT!!!! ONE time, and you LABEL me for LIFE!!!!”

 

BlackHawk says: “We told you a MILLION times to stop and ask for directions, but you JUST said; 'This G.P.S., is never WRONG; that's why I BOUGHT it'!!!!”

 

Mrs. Little SCOFFS, and says: “Last time I ever BUY anything CHEAP off of the Internet!!!! Unless I see it work PERSONALLY for myself, I won't TRUST it! So, where will WE be staying?”

 

Woolbur says: “There are a couple of hotels in Prickly Pines, California. You should be able to find a nice spot, there!”

Mrs. Little says: “Well, I packed enough stuff for all of us to enjoy an extended vacation here! BlackHawk, you better come along with us so we can pick out a hotel that works for you!”

 

BlackHawk asks: “What are you TALKING about?! I've NEVER found a hotel that DIDN'T work for me!”

 

Coop says: “She probably means ONE, where you DON'T complain about her SNORING!!!!”

 

Mrs. Little seriously says: “You didn't NEED to provide THAT unnecessary sub-text, SON!!!!”

 

Coop blushes, and annoyed, he says: “Yes, SIR!!!!”

 

Mrs. Little seriously says: “And STOP calling me, 'sir!!!!' You don't see any 'Y' chromosomes within THIS body, do you?!”

D.O.G., says: “I believe Coop was being sarcastic!!!!”

Coop rolls his eyes, and says: “Thank you, Captain Obvious!!!!”

D.O.G., completely MISSES the sarcasm, and he genuinely says: “You're WELCOME!!!!”

 

The seven of them hear a cellar door unlocking, and it opens, and Samson, Edward, Chip, Skip, and Almondine come out of it! Chip, Skip, and Almondine just basically look taller than they were, when they were twelve, Edward is now wearing fancy, feminine male clothes which make him look pretty, and Samson is all muscles, and all HE is wearing is a TIGHT, red loin-cloth!!!!

 

Edward nervously asks: “Are they gone? I thought they would NEVER leave!!!!”

 

BlackHawk happily says: “Samson!!!! It's so GOOD to see you again!!!! I would say that you haven't changed a bit, but that's CLEARLY not the case!!!! You really turned your life around, haven't you?!”

 

Samson seriously says: “It's all thanks to you, BlackHawk. You took out that malfunctioning ball factory, showed me those holistic treatments that worked wonders, and you inspired me to start working out. Now, thanks to you, I'm in a WONDERFUL relationship with Almondine, as well as a loving relationship with Lazlo AND Edward!!!!”

 

BlackHawk asks: “Wait! How can you have TWO functioning relationships at the exact same time?!”

 

Almondine says: “It was Lazlo's idea! Samson was really fond of all THREE of us, but he didn't know which one he should choose! So Lazlo suggested; why not be in love with ALL of us?! After all, Love knows no limits, or how much you SHOULD love! There's enough love for ALL of us! So, we'd have what you might call an 'Open relationship'.”

 

Mrs. Little seriously says: “And you're telling me, this 'Open relationship' thing, WORKS?!!!”

 

Samson says: “It works perfectly for us! Besides, when it comes right down to it; for us, it's all about the LOVE THING!!!!”

 

And Samson FLEXES as he says that; and in DOING so, his loin-cloth snaps RIGHT off; revealing ANOTHER impressive appendage!!!! But instead of blushing, Samson smiles, and he just says: “Darn loin-cloths, ALWAYS snapping off!!!! No matter HOW often they try, they can NEVER give me a set of clothes that is STRONG enough to withstand my FLEXING!!!!”

Edward says: “Fortunately for you, ever since that incident ten years ago, Camp Kidney is now a clothing optional place! Even the girls come around here more often to see what they WANT to see, or to let it all hang out for themselves!!!!”

BlackHawk smiles, and he says: “Mom, I just found out WHERE I want to spend all of MY summer vacations from here on out!”

Mrs. Little seriously asks: “Samson, how OLD are you and your friends?!”

Samson seriously says: “We're all eighteen and legal. Why?”

Mrs. Little SERIOUSLY thinks about it, but she says: “NOPE!!!! Samson is too young, too inexperienced, and too immature for MY personal tastes!”

Samson says: “No offense, but your not my type EITHER, whoever you are! I prefer people when they're NOT trying TOO hard to impress everybody else!”

 

Mrs. Little says: “By the way, do your FRIENDS need a place to stay? I've got MONEY!!!!”

Lettuce asks: “How much are you worth?”

Mrs. Little smugly says: “$4.44 billion in money, endorsement deals, and personal belongings! Why?!”

Lettuce says: “My family is worth at LEAST $7.77 billion; so don't talk DOWN to me!”

Mrs. Little blushes, and she genuinely says: “My apologies! I didn't REALIZE you came from THAT family! Perhaps we can invite you OVER for dinner sometimes, and YOUR family can take a look at MY trophies!”

 

Lettuce seriously says: “Maybe some other time! We're going to have a look around here, to see what wonders of NATURE, we can find!”

And Lettuce discreetly WINKS to his fellow Rangers, so that they get the HINT of what they are TRULY doing, but Pinkie asks: “Lettuce, do you got something in your eye?!”

 

Woolbur seriously asks: “Seriously?!”

Lettuce ignores him, and he says: “We're still working on it! She's not perfect, but I STILL love her as my loyal GIRLFRIEND!!!!”

Pinkie genuinely says: “I love you more!!!!”

And Lettuce says: “No; I love YOU MORE!!!!”

And they passionately kiss each other, causing Mrs. Little to FAKE gag, and she says: “UGH!!!! You two are SO sweet together, that it Tastes Like DIABETES!!!!”

 

Lettuce seriously says: “Don't talk that away about Pinkie!!!! Haven't YOU ever been crazy for someone else in your entire life?!!!”

 

Mrs. Little seriously says: “I WAS crazy about a guy once, but he disappointed me! I can't stay married to someone like that! It's not GOOD for my personal IMAGE, you know!”

 

Pinkie says: “You know, there are more important things in life than WORRYING about your own image!”

Mrs. Little asks: “Like what?!!!”

 

But before anyone can answer, a deep, cackling laugh can be heard! Woolbur's wool immediately stands on end, and he sourly says: “That LAUGH!!!! I know that laugh!!!!”

 

And in the next instance, something temporarily blocks ALL sunlight in the sky, making things PITCH black!!!! Mrs. Little gets scared, and asks: “What is THIS?!!! A FREAK-OUT?!!!”

 

Coop seriously says: “There wasn't any Solar Eclipse planned for TODAY!!!! What's going ON; here?!!!”

BlackHawk gets concerned, and he seriously asks: “D.O.G.!!!! Where are you, D.O.G.?!!!”

 

Than the sunlight reappears, and everyone GASPS in horror, as Psygorn has GAGGED D.O.G., so that D.O.G., can't BITE them, has captured Woolbur as well, and has put ROPES around their arms and legs!!

Edward sourly says: “Not him!!!! Not PSYGORN again!!!!”

 

Samson seriously says: “Just like all the other times that HE and his fellow...TOADS; would capture somebody innocent!!!! They'd do...SOMETHING, to block out the light of the sun; and CAPTURE everyone they could during the chaos and confusion of the black-out!”

 

Woolbur angrily says: “Psygorn!!!! I should have EXPECTED to find you here holding Dr. Maniac's leash! I recognized YOUR foul stench the MOMENT I arrived at this Camp!”

Mrs. Little suddenly gets an EPIPHANY, and she seriously says: “Dr. MANIAC?! Why does that name sound SO familiar?!!!”

Psygorn just flashes a slasher smile, and he says: “Woolbur, you're still charming after ALL this time, to the last! You have no idea what Dr. Maniac and I had to go THROUGH to set up this little SURPRISE for all of you!!!! All those ANNOYING civilians, were UNUSUALLY persistent and stubborn, fighting off our Mecha-Clone troops!!!! It took us at LEAST four TRIES before we were FINALLY able to over-whelm all of those TWERPS!!!!”

 

BlackHawk seriously says: “You know what YOUR big problem is?! Your over-confidence is your GREATEST weakness!”

Psygorn seriously says: “Your faith in your FRIENDS, is yours!!!! Dr. Maniac has wanted these citizens, these old FRIENDS of yours, for a very specific PURPOSE!!!! Soon, Dr. Maniac will TEST his latest creation, the Anthropomorphic Transformer!!!! It will be capable of turning any normal, 'Peace-loving', animal, into a VICIOUS, EVIL, and completely LOYAL Bio-Beast, to Dr. Maniac!!!! Soon, you and your fellow POWER Rangers won't just have Queen Beryl's YOUMA to deal with, we'll have an inexhaustible supply of Bio-Beasts, that YOU will HAVE to KILL in order to stop, and it will NOT matter that they are your FRIENDS, because they will no longer have any memories or FREE WILL that can STOP them!!!!”

 

Mrs. Little shouts: “POWER RANGERS?!!! Coop, did YOU KNOW?!!!”

Coop blushes, and says: “Oops!!!!”

Psygorn chuckles sadistically, and he says: “Fare well, though I know you won't!!!!”

 

And Psygorn warps away with D.O.G., before anyone can do ANYTHING to stop him!!!! Mrs. Little seriously asks: “What's going ON here?!!! There BETTER be a GOOD explanation for all of this!!!!”

 

Edward says: “We'd like to know, also! When did YOU become a Power Ranger, BlackHawk?!”

 

BlackHawk sighs, and he says: “I'm sorry you had to find out this way, Mom, Samson, Edward, and all my other friends. I didn't WANT to put ANY of you into danger like this! Pull up a stump and sit down, and I will tell you ALL what you need to know.”

 

Pinkie asks: “But what about...?”

 

BlackHawk discreetly whispers into Pinkie's left ear, and he says: “Don't worry, I'll leave out about the part with the four Chaos Gods. They'd probably just freak out if they knew about that!”

 

Pinkie says: “Good call! I'm glad I didn't listen to the NICE One's stupid suggestion just THEN!!!!”

 

BlackHawk says: “Very well, then, here is what you need to know about us...” /

 

Some time has elapsed, and it is no longer morning, it is the afternoon. BlackHawk finishes, and he says: “...And that's the whole story so far! Captain Retro contacted us, to tell us that Camp Kidney was in danger from Dr. Maniac! So that's why I HAD to come back here in order to protect all of my old friends! I'd never abandon you when you would need me the most!”

Mrs. Little says: “In retrospect, it's NOT that surprising! I mean, I DID get REALLY suspicious when you STARTED to wear ORANGE clothes at about the SAME time the ORANGE Ranger started appearing in battles to help out the Power Rangers!!!!”

 

Pinkie seriously asks: “SHE made THAT connection, TO?!!!”

 

Lettuce says: “BlackHawk, your entire FAMILY is Genre Savvy!!!!”

 

BlackHawk says: “I HAD to get it from SOMEWHERE!!!! And mom, now you know why I have truly come here, and I have to find Woolbur and D.O.G., as FAST as I can!!!! I could never FORGIVE myself if something BAD happened to them!!!!”

 

Mrs. Little's head hangs down, and for the first time in a LONG time, she really has to THINK about a really DANGEROUS situation, SERIOUSLY!!!! Mrs. Little says: “On the one hand, I should be angry with you; you never TOLD me about your being a Power Ranger, and you would always tell me a LIE that you were doing something else! On the other hand, you and your fellow Power Rangers HAVE saved countless lives, that probably WOULDN'T have been saved if you hadn't acted! But I DO still love you and I want to protect you from this...whole thing!!!! And yet, I also realize that somehow, this has all happened before. Not the exact same characters and details; but Dr. Maniac, the Power Rangers, and having to rescue their friends from danger. The answer, is CLEAR to me. I may not personally like this, but something INSIDE me, is telling me that letting you stay ON in your mission to be a Power Ranger is the right thing to do! Besides, you'd probably just be stubborn and REFUSE to listen to me ANYWAYS even if I DIDN'T want you to be a Power Ranger ANYWAYS; right?!”

 

BlackHawk seriously says: “I am NOT that predictable!!!!”

Mrs. Little seriously says: “In any case, you MUST find Woolbur and D.O.G., and all of those other civilians as quickly as possible! I'll stay here and hold down the fort with your friends! Trust me, I'm capable of protecting myself in a fight!”

Samson says: “And you'll need ME to get you to Dr. Maniac's secret base! I'm the only one who has been BRAVE enough to venture out to explore ever since Dr. Maniac came around, and I've been able to take down a squadron of those Mecha-Clones single-handed! Besides, I've smelt a RAT around this place ever since Dr. Maniac came about, and I DON'T mean Psygorn!!!!”

 

BlackHawk says: “Than lead the way, and we'll provide back-up! BACK into action!!!!”

And BlackHawk, Lettuce, and Pinkie morph BACK into their Ranger forms!!!! Mrs. Little says: “Wow!!!! They look SO impressive!!!! But why am I SERIOUSLY getting the feeling like I have seen THIS for myself, so many years AGO?!!! If only I could REMEMBER!!!!”

 

BlackHawk says: “Coop, you keep mom safe, and use your Woo Foo Aura if you HAVE to, in order to protect everyone here!”

Coop seriously says: “You can count on ME, big brother!!!!”

Samson seriously says: “Come on! We've got to get GOING before it's too LATE for them!!!!” /

 

In a futuristic, capsule-shaped building, gleaming a sinister SHADE of crimson red ruby, somewhere in a dank, and DARK cellar, BlackHawk's old friends are being held in jail-type prison cells; including Lumpus!!!! Lumpus RATTLES his bars, and he asks: “WHY does this keep HAPPENING to me?! No sooner do I get my clean bill of health, indicating that I'm SANE, than do I get CAPTURED by these...FREAKS!!!!”

 

Patsy Smiles shakes her prison bars HARD, to no avail; and she yells: “Let me OUT of HERE!!!! Do you have any idea who my FATHER IS?!!! Do you KNOW who I AM?!!! I'm Patsy Smiles!!!!”

 

Psygorn acts FAUX affably evil, and he fakes sincerity, as he says: “Oh, you're Patsy Smiles!”

Than his mood sours, and Psygorn evilly says: “SHUT UP!!!!”

 

Gretchen tries a different approach, and she gets CROCODILE tears in her eyes, cries, and she says: “Why are you DOING this to ME?! Please let me go! I'll be a good girl!!!!”

 

Psygorn taunts her, and he seriously says: “Keep it UP, you TWERP!!!! Biting off the legs of any Mecha-Clone that gets close enough to HELP you!!!! I can spray MACE in your FACE!!!!”

Gretchen smiles, and she says: “When I get out of here; I'll BITE you MYSELF!!!!”

 

Slinkman angrily says: “Let us out!!!! LET US OUT!!!! This is NOT DIGNIFIED!!!!”

 

Clam and Lazlo are in the same prison cell. While Clam is working FRANTICALLY, trying to find a way out of the jail cell, Lazlo is just MEDITATING in the middle of his cell, COMPLETELY naked, and doesn't even have his EYES open!!!! Clam says: “We've got to get out of here! We've got to get out! This is NOT good! Lazlo, how can you be so calm at a time like this?!”

 

Lazlo seriously says: “A wise man once said, that iron bars do NOT a prison make, nor stone walls a jail!”

Clam says: “Yeah, but they sure HELP!!!!”

 

Lazlo calmly says: “They can jail your BODY; but they CAN'T jail your heart and mind! Free your mind, and the REST will follow!”

 

Clam seriously says: “I wish I could do that ZEN stuff as EASILY as YOU can!!!!”

 

Nina Neckerly and D.O.G., are sharing the same prison cell. Nina Neckerly, being a giraffe, feels REALLY cramped, and she says: “This cage isn't NEARLY large enough for someone of my needs!”

 

D.O.G. Is trying to scratch around, seeing if he can DIG his way out, but to no avail. He sniffs around, looks around, then asks: “Psygorn, is it?! It's too DARK in here!!!! The place is TOO smelly, and I haven't had a bite to eat since I GOT here! Can't you at LEAST give me a bowl of WATER or something?!”

 

A female body-guard, looking like a CAT; SLAMS on D.O.G.'s prison cell, trying to get him to SHUT up!!!! She says: “Keep talking like THAT, and I can take you in to where WOOLBUR is now!!!! I'm Farrah Cat!!!! Loyal body-guard to the illustrious FARA!!!! You'll get NOTHING and LIKE it!!!!”

 

Psygorn flashes a sinister smile, and he says: “Tell it like it is, SISTER!!!!”

D.O.G., says: “I don't want to be treated like a King; but I STILL have my rights! All I want is my fair share!”

/ In a private chamber, littered with LOADS of DUBIOUS credentials, and various scientific and academic awards from evil academies, but strangely NO pictures of Prince Maniac, is the swank and POSH lair of the EVIL Dr. Maniac!!!! In the middle of the room, Woolbur Fleeceley is still BOUND by his ropes around his arms, and Dr. Maniac is dressed in a dress-shirt tuxedo, apparently being TOO cheap to buy a REAL one! Dr. Maniac is enjoying himself, but Woolbur clearly isn't!

 

Woolbur angrily asks: “Do you remember the first time you MET me?! I remember it, well! You captured me, to USE me in one of your illegally BANNED scientific practices, all to satisfy your scientific curiosity, as to whether or not a Woolian from the Planet Fleecia could be turned evil! My brother and his fellow Power Rangers came in, and with nothing more than SPACE pistols, managed to beat back your ENTIRE legion of Mecha Clones, and rescued me from your awful lab! In your so-called 'genius', which is nothing more than COWARDNESS; you installed a trap which my older brother RAMONE, had to SACRIFICE himself in order for the REST of us to escape!!!! A FINE fate!!!! You couldn't even grant him the courtesy of giving him a WARRIOR'S death, such as the ORIGINAL Yellow Ranger of the Power Rangers Bionic Force suffered! In my anger, I CUT off your left arm; as a permanent REMINDER as to what HAPPENED to you on that AWFUL day in 2028!”

 

Dr. Maniac finishes listening, and he casually says: “I'm sorry, I don't REMEMBER the death of your older brother, or of my son, Prince Maniac!”

 

Woolbur seriously asks: “You DON'T remember?!”

 

Dr. Maniac goes into his closet, changes out of his fake tuxedo outfit, and back into his Mad Scientist garb! Dr. Maniac casually says: “You see; for you, the day that Dr. MANIAC, took away the life of your older brother, and cost me my arm AND my son, was the MOST important day of YOUR entire LIFE!!!! But for ME; it WAS a Tuesday!” /

 

Samson gets the Power Rangers to the outside of the futuristic, capsule-shaped building, gleaming a sinister SHADE of crimson red ruby! Samson says: “This is the place where all of our friends being held prisoner, BlackHawk. That much I DO know! But how to get in? That part, I DON'T know! I think you've got to put in the secret password on the keypad to get in!”

 

BlackHawk scoffs, and he says: “That's no problem! The password is OBVIOUS!!!! I mean, this is Dr. Maniac we're talking about! What is Dr. Maniac's most favorite thing in the whole world?”

Pinkie answers: “Dr. Maniac?”

BlackHawk says: “Right, his birthday!”

 

BlackHawk punches in 10-30-47, and tries to open the door, but it doesn't open! Lettuce mimics an incorrect buzzer, and says: “EHHH!!!!” And this makes Pinkie LAUGH!!!!

BlackHawk says: “All right, his measurements!”

 

BlackHawk punches in 17-32-42, and tries to open the door, but it STILL doesn't open! Lettuce mimics an incorrect buzzer again, and says: “EHHH!!!!” And this makes Pinkie laugh AGAIN!!!!

 

BlackHawk suggests: “The bar-code number of his favorite shampoo?”

But without BlackHawk even DOING anything, Lettuce mimics an incorrect buzzer and says: “EHHH!!!!” And this makes Pinkie laugh a THIRD time!!!!

BlackHawk screams: “STOP DOING THAT!!!! Like YOU COULD DO any BETTER!!!!”

 

Lettuce calmly says: “Actually, I can! Watch THIS!!!! Thunder Hammer!!!!” And Lettuce swings his Power Weapon AT the door, and BREAKS it open!!!!

 

Samson gives Lettuce a LOOK, and Samson says: “You know, you COULD'VE done that 44 seconds ago and SAVED us all the head-ache of trying to figure out the pass-code!!!!”

 

Lettuce chuckles, and he says: “Yeah, could have! But I REALLY wanted to do my BUZZER impression! It ALWAYS makes Pinkie laugh!”

 

Pinkie says: “It's true! I think the most IMPORTANT thing in ANY loving relationship, is always having the ability to make each other--.”

 

(BLARE!!!! BLARE!!!!) BlackHawk says: “Not so LOUD; LETTUCE!!!!”

Lettuce seriously says: “Do you HONESTLY think I can sound like THAT?!!!”

 

BlackHawk, stunned says: “Now that you say it out LOUD, like that; I can't honestly say that I CAN envision you SOUNDING like that!”

 

Dr. Maniac's voice comes over the loud-speakers in the secret, scientific lab, and he screams: “ATTENTION, minions!!!! Some annoying POWER BRATS have DARED to break open the door to MY secret lab, and they didn't even use my secret PASS-CODE to do it!!!! And by the way, TWERPS; the answer was '42-42-42', because that's the answer to LIFE, the UNIVERSE, and EVERYTHING!!!! Or so I saw in that movie, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy!!!! Minions; HURT the Power Rangers a LOT!!!! Hurt THEM, their FRIEND, and BlackHawk's STUPID family, TOO!!!!”

 

BlackHawk seriously shouts: “Threaten ME all you want, but keep my family OUT of this!!!!”

 

The intercom is TWO-WAY, and Dr. Maniac TAUNTS the Rangers, and he says: “My communications system is two-WAY, you miserable excuse of Mulan Szechuan McNugget SAUCE!!!! Or haven't you NOTICED?! And I'll make all the threats I WANT to; for the SCIENCE!!!!”

 

And a BUNCH of familiar monsters, from the days of Power Rangers Bionic Force, zoom OUT of the broken door base! In addition to what LOOKS like new and improved versions of Aquaiger and Gargoyle Falcon, there is a bionic gorilla, a bio-mechanical slime creature, Psygorn, a big BRUTE of an android, a more human looking version of Farrah Cat, Farrah Cat, and the lone human cyborg sorcerer of the group!

 

Dr. Maniac says: “Meet my loyal Bio-Beast Generals! Neo Aquaiger! Neo Falcon! Bio Gorilla! Mettzler! Psygorn! Bio Monster! Fara! Farrah Cat! And Meison! With my Mecha Clones, they will make SHORT work of you! I particularly like Neo Aquaiger and Neo Falcon myself! I busted the ORIGINALS out of those S.P.D., holding cards, and used the left-over genetic material from Grzrg and Bzrk respectively to make them STRONGER!!!! Fare well, though I know you won't!!!! Speaking of Mecha Clones, some of them will keep YOU busy while some others will take that MONKEY, that PYGMY Albanian Rhino, and that STUPID dog into my lab for TESTING, while I deal with this wooly BRAT personally!!!!”

 

BlackHawk begins to say: “If you HURT either D.O.G., or Woolbur in ANY way--!!”

And Psygorn SHOOTS the loud-speakers, and he says: “Boring conversation, anyways!!!!”

 

Pinkie sarcastically says: “THAT'S just wonderful! There's a whole BUNCH of them, now!”

 

Lettuce gets STUNNED, and he asks: “Pinkie, where did THAT come from?!”

 

Pinkie says: “I think that was the NICE Chaos God talking in my head! I don't know what to DO whenever I hear HIS voice in my head, so I usually just repeat what he says so that I really understand it!”

 

BlackHawk says: “At least you're not going INSANE!!!! That's the LAST thing we need!” /

 

In the Command Center, the alarm rings! Alpha Eight says: “Aye-yai-yai-yai-yai! The Power Rangers are out-numbered at LEAST eight to three!”

 

Captain Retro seriously says: “The rest of us must go to Camp Kidney immediately! I have a feeling that D.O.G., might be in DANGER there!”

 

Usagi says: “Agreed! Kras'hir, you do your usual patrol of Coastal Falls and KILL any EVIL Demons you can find, and seal any Demon Portals you come across! The rest of us have a mission to go out on! It's MORPHING time!!!!” /

 

StarHawk says: “Shift into Turbo! Phantom Ranger, Turbo Power!” / Naruto says: “Power of Mars! Fire!” / Toby says: “Power of Mercury! Water!” / Ebony says: “Power of Earth! Air!” / Usagi says: “COSMORPHER! Sailor Moon! White Ranger Power!” /

 

They arrive at Camp Kidney just in time to meet the Mecha-Clones! Naruto says: “I see Dr. Maniac has his own set of discount goons!”

StarHawk says: “I recognize MOST of these creeps! I saw their earlier historic battles in the historic archives of my home planet!”

Ebony asks: “I thought Radiguet ERASED all the historical records of the Power Rangers BEFORE the Mighty Morphing Power Rangers team?!”

 

Captain Retro corrects her, and says: “He only erased the records on Planet EARTH!!!! As far as everyone else in the universe is concerned, the Power Rangers Bionic Force were a VERY well-respected team!”

Usagi says: “I'll take Gill-Man, that Gargoyle Falcon, and all those Mecha-Clones! I want to see what my White Ranger Power can REALLY do! The rest of you, pick a monster and FIGHT!!!!”

Toby says: “All RIGHT!!!! It's time to get this PARTY started!!!!”

 

Captain Retro rushes off, than rushes right back with an old-fashioned boom-box from the 1980's! Captain Retro says: “And that's MY cue, to play the appropriate MUSIC!!!!” /

The song, “Get this Party Started,” by Pink; plays as Lettuce uses his Thunder Hammer against Bio Gorilla, who can STILL hold his own against the mighty weapon; Pinkie uses her Plasma Pistol against Mettzler, but he KEEPS re-forming his original shape after every BLAST, Naruto fights against Bio Monster, but they are evenly matched, Ebony fights with Fara, and they BOTH use claw attacks against each other, Captain Retro fights against Farrah Cat, and his canine might is MORE than enough for the evil FELINE, Toby fights against Meison using his Chain Ax with his freeze attack, but Meison keeps COUNTER-ATTACKING with a FLAME attack, some of the Mecha Clones choose to attack Samson INSTEAD of Usagi, but he MORE than holds his own against the Mechanical creeps, and BlackHawk and StarHawk both double-team against Psygorn, who is STILL strong enough and capable enough of fending BOTH of them OFF at the same time! And while the fight is going on, the hit song by Pink plays loud and strong! /

 

Pink sings: “I'm comin' up, so you better get this party started! I'm comin' up, so you better get this party started! Get this party started on a Saturday night! Everybody's waiting for me to arrive! Sendin' out the message to all of my friends! We'll be looking flashy in my Mercedes Benz! I got lots of style, check my gold diamond rings! I can go for miles if you know what I mean! I'm comin' up, so you better get this party started! I'm comin' up, so you better get this party started! Pumping up the volume, breaking down to the beat! Cruisin' through the west side, we'll be checkin' the scene! Boulevard is freakin' as I'm comin' up fast! I'll be burnin' rubber, you'll be kissin' my (distorted)! Pull up to the bumper, get out of the car! License plate says I'm styling #1 Superstar! I'm comin' up, so you better get this party started! I'm comin' up, so you better get this party started! Get this party started! (Instrumental solo)

 

Making my connection as I enter the room; everybody's chilling as I set up the groove. Pumpin' up the volume with this brand new beat; everybody's dancing and they're dancing for me! I'm your operator, you can call anytime! I'll be your connection to the party line! I'm comin' up, so you better get this party started! I'm comin' up, so you better get this party started! I'm comin' up, so you better get this party started! I'm comin' up, so you better get this party started! Get this party started! Get this party started, right now! Get this party started! Get this party started! Get this party started right now!” / And the epic song ends as all the Mecha Clones are destroyed, and Farrah Cat is beaten down to the GROUND!

 

Farrah Cat seriously says: “This is NOT what I was PROMISED would HAPPEN!!!! Dr. Maniac said we'd have no PROBLEM thrashing YOU twerps! And he said NOTHING about there being some super-powered canine dog, besides!”

 

Captain Retro seriously says: “Your 'Doctor', if he can be CALLED that; needs to do more RESEARCH! And while I'm not interested in destroying YOU, personally; I can't honestly say that Usagi will be THAT merciful to you!”

 

And Captain Retro points to Usagi, who is MERCILESSLY thrashing Neo Aquaiger and Neo Falcon! Usagi says: “It's time to send YOU bozos back to the SCRAP HEAP!!!! Heavenly light of the Emperor!!!! Aura BLAST ATTACK!!!!”

And Usagi focuses a WIDE, white light of DEVASTATING spiritual power which completely DECIMATES Neo Aquaiger, and Neo Falcon does his BEST to dodge the attack, but the entire left SIDE of his body, is burned as a result!

Neo Falcon desperately cries: “Meison; HELP me!!!!”

 

Meison asks: “And what makes YOU think that you WON'T fail us again?!”

Neo Falcon says: “Use the left-over genetic material from Neo Aquaiger! I KNOW I can increase my powers with what HE used to have!”

Meison sighs, and he says: “Very well! Psygorn, Fara!”

Meison snaps his fingers, and the two goons come RUSHING to him! Fara asks: “What do you want, Meison?”

 

Meison says: “Fara, take Neo Falcon and the left-over genetic material from Neo Aquaiger, and combine them together on Queen Beryl's spaceship! And make SURE that once you're finished, Neo Falcon is no longer a spine-less coward who BEGS for help at the first sign of when things get TOUGH!!!! Psygorn, go to the lab and TEST the experimental device NOW!!!!”

 

Psygorn flashes a SLASHER smile, and he asks: “On WHO?!!!”

Meison smiles, and he says: “Take your PICK!!!! It matters not WHO we use the device on first. If they DIE in the process, we'll simply make adjustments so that the NEXT one won't die!”

Psygorn creepily says: “I'll get started on it RIGHT away!”

And Psygorn rushes INSIDE!!!!

 

BlackHawk says: “You're not going ANYWHERE!!!!

Meison chants: “SLOWAGA!!!!”

 

And he zaps ALL the Rangers, Samson AND Captain Retro with a cream-colored ray of energy, that seems to slow them WAY down, because; with the exception of Pinkie and Captain Retro, they can't even RUN at normal speed! Lettuce asks: “What happened to us?! We can barely MOVE!!!!”

 

Captain Retro says: “He copied that SPELL from Final Fantasy VI Advance! I'd know my borrowed spells from just about ANYWHERE!!!!”

 

Toby asks: “So how come you and Pinkie can still run at a normal speed?”

Pinkie says: “For me and Captain Retro, running at a normal speed IS slow!”

 

Ebony says: “Good point!”

Usagi says: “You two run on ahead, and we'll try to catch up until this spell wears OFF!”

 

Meison groans, and he says: “Always got to do things the HARD way! Bionic Gorilla; why don't you 'PLAY' with Captain Retro and Pinkie for a while? And by 'Play', I mean DESTROY!!!!”

 

Bionic Gorilla merely grunts in the affirmative, and gets a MEANER look on his face! Captain Retro sarcastically says: “Oh, yeah! This will be REALLY fun!”

Meison says: “The rest of us shall retreat to Queen Beryl's spaceship for now! We're DONE here!”

 

And everyone EXCEPT Bionic Gorilla WARPS away! Pinkie says: “He sure has a LONG face! Why don't you turn that FROWN, upside down?!”

Bionic Gorilla angrily grunts, and in a low voice, he says: “I AM SMILING!!!!”

Pinkie jokingly says: “Somebody should tell that to your FACE!!!!”

But Bionic Gorilla angrily pounds his chest, and Captain Retro says: “Pinkie, that IS his face!!!!”

 

StarHawk asks: “Could you take care of this?! We would, but we can STILL barely move!”

Captain Retro says: “Pinkie Pie, we'd better do this thing FAST; I have a feeling that Lazlo is getting the SHOCK treatment right now!” /

 

And no sooner does Captain Retro say that, then does another song play from Captain Retro's boom-box, this time, of Peter Gabriel's “Shock the Monkey!” While scenes of Pinkie and Captain Retro fighting Bionic Gorilla are shown, it is interspersed with scenes of Psygorn trying to electrically SHOCK Lazlo! /

 

Peter Gabriel sings: “Cover me, when I run. Cover me, through the fire. Something knocked me out of the trees! Now I'm on my knees! Cover me, darling please! Monkey, monkey, monkey! Don't you know you're going to shock the monkey?! Fox the fox; Rat on the rat. You can ape the ape; I know about that! There is one thing you must be sure of; I can't take any more! Darling, don't you monkey with the monkey! Monkey, monkey, monkey! Don't you know you're going to shock the monkey?! Shock the monkey! Monkey, wheels keep turning! Monkey, something's burning! Monkey, don't like it, but I guess I'm learning! Shock! Shock! Shock! Watch the monkey get hurt, monkey! Monkey, wheels keep turning! Monkey, something's burning! Monkey, don't like it, but I guess I'm learning! Shock! Shock! Shock! Watch the monkey get hurt, monkey! Cover me, when I sleep! Cover me, when I breathe! You throw your pearls before the swine! Make the monkey blind! Cover me, darling please! Monkey, monkey, monkey! Don't you know you're going to shock the monkey?! Monkey, too much at stake! Monkey, ground beneath me shake! Monkey, and the news is breaking! Shock! Shock! Shock! Watch the monkey get hurt, monkey! Shock the monkey, shock the monkey! Shock the monkey, shock the monkey! Shock the monkey to life!” /

 

And the epic song ends, as Captain Retro and Pinkie Pie FINALLY manage to beat Bionic Gorilla down on his back! Bionic Gorilla grunts, and he says: “You may have beaten ME; but you will NEVER save your friends before it's too LATE! Count on IT!!!!”

 

And Bionic Gorilla disappears before the Rangers can do anything else! The other Rangers are STILL moving slowly, even though they've only progressed THIRTY feet! Ebony says: “We're STILL coming! Why didn't I pay more attention in SPELLS class, to see if there was any spell to help you MOVE fast?!”

 

Captain Retro says: “I'll teach you the Hastega spell, ALSO from Final Fantasy VI Advance, when I get a proper chance! For now, Pinkie and I have to rescue Samson's friends! I hope nothing BAD has happened to ANY of them!” /

 

Psygorn is STILL trying to shock Lazlo, but he's BARELY reacting to it, in his zen state of meditation! Psygorn groans, and he says: “COME ON!!!! The least you can do is to PRETEND to act like you're in pain! Do you THINK that I'm ENJOYING this?!”

 

Clam angrily says: “YES!”

Psygorn chuckles sadistically, and he says: “Be that as it may; I'm growing IMPATIENT, and time is of the ESSENCE!!!! So tell me, which one of YOU two will SACRIFICE himself for the OTHER?!!! You, or LAZLO?!”

Clam angrily says: “You're not transforming Lazlo!”

Lazlo says: “You can not spin straw, into gold. You cannot make someone be something that they simply are not!”

A familiar voice, with an Indian accent says: “Still insisting on that FREE LOVE for everyone CRAP that you're ALWAYS preaching about?!!!”

 

Clam asks: “RAJ?!!!”

And Raj appears out of the shadows, looking a LOT heavier, and WAY angrier, than he ever was as a kid! Lazlo opens his eyes, and he says: “Raj; you came to free ME!!!!”

 

Raj flashes a FAKE smile, at Lazlo, goes up to Lazlo, and SLAPS him across the FACE!!!! Raj screams: “THAT'S FOR NOT CHOOSING ME WHEN YOU HAD THE CHANCE!!!!”

 

Lazlo asks: “RAJ!!!! WHY?!!! I thought of us as FRIENDS!!!!”

 

Raj angrily says: “We WERE friends, until that one summer, ten years ago, when we fought for the love of that mermaid! When we held that contest to hold our breath the longest, we both HALLUCINATED, and thought of each other as the mermaid! In that madness, I KISSED you; and I fell in LOVE!!!! LOVE, which you apparently didn't think of as IMPORTANT enough as RETURNING that affection to ME!!!!”

 

Lazlo is disappointed, and he says: “But Raj; I told you back THEN that love isn't quantified by just being in love with only ONE significant other! Besides, I thought we were better off as FRIENDS! Besides, I was ALWAYS more compatible with Samson and Edward, anyways!”

 

Raj angrily says: “How DARE you refuse ME?! Even NOW, when I COULD have SAVED your LIFE!!!! I made a DEAL with Dr. Maniac, to ENSURE you WOULD love me, by ANY means Necessary!!!!”

Lazlo asks: “But kidnapping innocent towns-people?!”

 

Raj seriously says: “I'd help kidnap a THOUSAND innocent towns-people before I let YOU choose SAMSON over ME; and I will SILENCE anybody who GETS in my WAY!!!! If YOU won't LOVE me; than YOU must PAY the PRICE!!!! Psygorn, DO it TO HIM!!!!”

 

D.O.G., loudly shouts: “WAIT!!!!” And Lazlo, Clam, Raj, and Psygorn all LOOK at him!

D.O.G., sighs, and he says: “Test it on ME first, instead!”

 

Psygorn thinks about it, and he says: “Why NOT?!!! Perhaps a little DEMONSTRATION of what this Anthropomorphic Transformer can DO; will make Lazlo RECONSIDER his notions of REFUSING your LOVE, Raj!!!! If you don't mind!!!!”

Raj thinks about it, and he says: “Well, he WOULD be easier to LOVE as a NORMAL monkey!”

 

Psygorn TAKES D.O.G., out of the cage, and puts him in the Anthropomorphic Transformer, straps him in, and Psygorn evilly says: “By the way; once I TRANSFORM you into a LOYAL Bio BEAST, you CAN'T be transformed BACK!!!! MWA, HA, HA, HA!!!!”

 

And Psygorn ACTIVATES the EVIL device, which PULSATES with LOADS of evil energy!!!! /

In the basement cellar, Captain Retro and Pinkie are finishing up releasing all of the OTHER prisoners being held captive by Dr. Maniac!!!! Patsy says: “Thanks, you two! I thought we'd NEVER get out of here!!!!”

Gretchen says: “I REALLY wanted to bite Psygorn, though!”

 

Nina says: “It feels so GOOD to stretch again!”

Pinkie asks: “Where are Lazlo, Clam, and D.O.G., right now?”

 

Lumpus says: “I think Psygorn took those three into the back room!!!!”

And the lights inside flicker on and off, due to the coursing electrical surge!!!! Slinkman worries, and says: “I think something AWFUL must be happening to one of them right now!!!!”

 

The other Power Rangers have FINALLY arrived down there, with the creamy-colored glow around their bodies having FINALLY disappeared!!!! Usagi says: “FINALLY!!!! The spell wore off!!!!”

 

Captain Retro seriously says: “Toby, you and Ebony take these anthropomorphic animals to safety! Psygorn is going to PAY for whatever he is doing RIGHT now!!!!” /

 

D.O.G., howls in pain, by what the Anthropomorphic Transformer is doing to him!!!! It STIFFENS up his spine, and turns him into an UPRIGHT, walking canine!!!! It changes his HIND feet and legs to have more muscles, and be more like HUMAN feet and legs! He gets stronger stomach muscles, and his front paws turn into human-shaped hands!!!! It makes him taller, at LEAST the height of the other normal Rangers! His brain is affected to, allowing him to see ALL visible colors, and changes his VOCAL tubes to announce human speech WITHOUT the use of his electronic collar, which BREAKS during the process!!!! And even D.O.G.'s normally ignored appendage, is made VERY prominent now, sticking out due to the process of what Psygorn did to him!!!!

 

Psygorn says: “The test subject didn't die!!!! What WONDERFUL news for Dr. Maniac!!!!”

Psygorn opens the Transformer door, and he says: “Now, my PRETTY; THRASH that MISERABLE monkey until he agrees to LOVE RAJ!!!!”

 

D.O.G., looks around, and speaking without the collar, for the first time, he says: “Funny; I'm not THINKING any differently! Did I just talk without my COLLAR?!!! Am I walking around on TWO feet?! And what are all these NEW colors that I've never seen before?! I got my WISH!!!! I'm an anthropomorphic canine now, just like Captain Retro!!!!”

 

Psygorn angrily says: “What the HEY?!!! Why isn't the device WORKING?!!!”

Captain Retro appears in the room, and he says: “Because D.O.G., is an Eltarian canine, just like I am! And anyone with an ACTUAL credential KNOWS that you CAN'T force a dog, let alone an Eltarian dog, to become EVIL, you SICKO!!!!”

 

Psygorn angrily says: “Well, that's just FINE with ME, because I was going to transform Lazlo and Clam ANYWAYS; REGARDLESS of what D.O.G., did, and KILL everyone in Prickly Pines, ANYWAYS!!!!”

Raj seriously says: “WAIT!!!! Dr. Maniac SPECIFICALLY told me that he was going to SPARE Lazlo and the others! Killing the towns-people here was NEVER part of the DEAL!!!!”

Psygorn creepily says: “I am ALTERING the deal!!!! And since you seem to have SUCH a problem with it; I think I'll start by altering YOU; FIRST!!!!”

And Psygorn SHOVES Raj into the Anthropomorphic Transformer, and pushes the button which activates the device!!!! Captain Retro shouts: “Don't let Psygorn corrupt YOU!!!! You've got to FIGHT it!!!!”

 

Psygorn evilly says: “He's not fighting ANYTHING!!!! Just TRY and get past ME!!!!”

The other Power Rangers come in the room, and BlackHawk says: “With Pleasure!!...D.O.G.!!!! What happened to YOU?!!! You're TALL now!!!!”

 

D.O.G., says: “That's not all. I can TALK without the collar now, to.”

Pinkie says: “And...you're naked!”

 

D.O.G., blushes, and he says: “Yeah, I guess that WOULD be more noticeable, now that I'm completely anthropomorphic like the REST of you!”

Raj screams, and in pain, he yells: “What's HAPPENING to ME?!!!”

 

Lazlo seriously says: “STOP!!!! You're HURTING him!!!!”

Psygorn sadistically says: “Doesn't he DESERVE it for the way he THREATENED all of YOU?!!! He's going to make YOUR lives a living NIGHTMARE by TORTURING you to DEATH!!!!”

 

Usagi angrily says: “You'll never get AWAY with THIS!!!! DIE!!!!”

And all the Rangers CHARGE at Psygorn with their Power Weapons, but he easily BLOCKS all of their attacks with EASE, and KNOCKS them all back to the WALL with little to no effort on his part!!!!

 

Psygorn creepily says: “Did you ACTUALLY think you could destroy me? ME?!!! The very SAME monster that DESTROYED the original Yellow Ranger of the Power Rangers Bionic Force, and BUILT the trap that KILLED Ramone Fleeceley?! The deaths of Power Rangers make me grow STRONGER!!!! You have no CHANCE against ME!!!! Now DIE!!!!”

 

(CLANG!!!!) And from out of NOWHERE, a Frying Pan of DOOM slams against Psygorn, knocking him to the ground! The one who did it, is none other than Mrs. Little! Mrs. Little chuckles, and she says: “Frying Pan of DOOM!!!! Never leave home without it!”

 

Coop appears, and he says: “D.O.G.!!!! You're all right!!!! I mean, you're naked, upright, and TALL now, but you're all right!!!!”

 

Mrs. Little asks: “What happened?!”

D.O.G., sighs, and says: “Dr. Maniac, happened!!!! He's like a VILE virus!!!!”

 

Mrs. Little gets an epiphany, and she says: “Vile VIRUS?!!! I REMEMBER now!!!! Dr. Maniac!!!! He WAS the one!!!! The one TRULY responsible for unleashing the Venjix Virus in that Alternate Dimension of Earth, on the City of Corinth, for the Power Rangers R.P.M.!!!!”

 

BlackHawk asks: “Are you SURE?!!!”

Mrs. Little seriously says: “I saw an old-fashioned newspaper article hanging around the office of Core Earth's President when I last DATED him, and it SAID that the culprit behind the releasing of the Venjix Virus was NAMED Dr. Maniac!!!!”

 

StarHawk says: “We've got to STOP this MONSTER!!!!”

BlackHawk says: “But we've got to save Woolbur, first!!!! Mom, Coop, D.O.G., you better get D.O.G., out of here NOW!!!! Things are about to get DANGEROUS!!!!”

 

Mrs. Little sighs and says: “Oh, all right. Come, D.O.G., we better see if we can find any CLOTHES that will fit you!”

Coop says: “But what about RAJ?!!!”

 

Than they hear an EXPLOSION behind them, and Raj walks out; now looking green, wrinkled, and with FOUR arms, like the mystical Hindu Deity, Vishnu! Raj growls, and he angrily say: “I am Rajnu!!!! Bringer of DEATH!!!! Destroyer of your WORLD!!!! Gaze upon me, and COWER in FEAR!!!!”

 

Captain Retro says: “Retro Force Field!!!!”

And Captain Retro throws a green sphere of energy around the transformed Raj, temporarily holding him in place! Captain Retro says: “I don't know how long I can hold him!!!! Free Clam and Lazlo NOW, Coop! And GET OUT!!!!”

 

Coop seriously says: “You don't have to tell ME twice!!!! Woo Foo PUNCH!!!!”

And with a fire-blazed punch of energy, Coop breaks open the prison cells, holding Lazlo and Clam free! Clam says: “Thank you, for that!”

 

Lazlo says: “But I can't just LEAVE Raj like this!!!!”

Captain Retro seriously yells: “This is NO TIME to ARGUE!!!! TRUST me when I say that Raj doesn't HAVE any positive EMOTIONS for you ANYMORE! HE will no longer FEEL GUILTY IF HE KILLS YOU OR ANY OF HIS FORMER FRIENDS!!!! ALL HIS MIND THINKS OF NOW IS ANGER, WRATH, AND RAGE!!!! LEAVE WHILE I CAN STILL HOLD THIS THING!!!!”

 

Lazlo realizes the AWFUL truth, and he cries, and says: “Forgive me, Raj! I TRIED!!!!”

And everyone who ISN'T Captain Retro and the Power Rangers, bolts out of the room! Captain Retro releases the Force Field, and he says: “Power Rangers, hit him HARD, and hit him FAST!!!!”

 

Toby says: “Chain Ax!!!!” / Pinkie says: “Plasma Pistol!” / Ebony says: “Thunder Claws!” / Lettuce says: “Thunder Hammer!!!!” / StarHawk says: “Delta Blaster!” / Naruto says: “Fire Crossbow!” / BlackHawk says: “Electric Saber!!!!” / Usagi says: “Heavenly Blade!” / The Power Rangers simultaneously say: “Fire FULL arsenal!!!!”

 

And they fire everything they CAN at the mutated Raj, and it makes him EXPLODE instantly!!!! /

 

In Dr. Maniac's swanky room inside the secret lair, Woolbur is rolling his eyes as Dr. Maniac has been BUSY talking about ALL the credentials he has received from other VILLAINS!!!! Dr. Maniac says: “...And this was actually my FIRST award; given to me by the Dark Kaiser, himself! This one, was for services rendered to Fuhrer Saturn! But my PROUDEST one, was the medal of certified GENIUS scientist, given to me by Professor Bias HIMSELF!!!! Isn't my LIST of accomplishments SOMETHING?!!!”

 

Woolbur, unamused, says: “I WOULD say they were SOMETHING, but you wouldn't LIKE that 'SOMETHING', that I would HAVE to say! And by 'SOMETHING,' I MEAN; BORING!!!!”

 

Dr. Maniac angrily says: “Everyone is a CRITIC!!!!” (BLARE!!!! BLARE!!!!)

Dr. Maniac says: “IMPOSSIBLE!!!! They DOWNED my mutated RAJ already?!!! I didn't even get to the part where I tried to offer you to WORK for me!!!! I had a WHOLE speech planned, and everything!”

 

Woolbur seriously says: “Like I'd ever accept it! And quite frankly, I have had ENOUGH of this CHARADE!”

And Woolbur EFFORTLESSLY breaks out of his rope bonds, and performs a FLYING kick on the unprotected portion of Dr. Maniac's face; than Woolbur pounds his FISTS several times into Dr. Maniac's STOMACH, than PULLS an insanely SHARP cutlass out of his wool, and SLICES Dr. Maniac's left leg CLEAN off!!!! Dr. Maniac screams: “ARGH!!!! My LEFT leg!!!!”

 

Woolbur angrily says: “Two more limbs, and you'll be a quadripilegic for LIFE!!!! I WAS going to kill you, but I realized that Ramone wouldn't have wanted that; I don't want that; and even though you've never GIVEN mercy to ANYONE in your life; I choose to take the HIGHER moral road!!!!”

 

Dr. Maniac screams: “Psygorn, I NEED you!!!!”

Psygorn wakes up, and he RUSHES to Dr. Maniac's side! Psygorn creepily asks: “You CALLED, Master?!”

 

Dr. Maniac says: “Get me to Queen Beryl's spaceship on the double so I can re-place my left leg with my emergency cybernetics! In the mean-time, I'll use my Bigga Ray on Raj, and BLOW this place UP!!!!”

 

Woolbur says: “Back into ACTION!!!!”

And Woolbur morphs, and into his communicator, screams: “Rangers, get OUT of here!!!! Dr. Maniac's going to BLOW this place UP!!!!”

 

Pysgorn and Dr. Maniac warp OUT of the building, and the Rangers RUSH out of there in time, and rejoin all of their friends who have gathered a safe distance away, and they watch as the BUILDING explodes into FLAMES!!!! Lazlo cries, and he says: “Raj! I LOST you!!!!”

 

But then Raj ROARS back into life, as his mutated form grows into a GIANT monster!!!! Raj angrily says: “I am RAJNU!!!! And you will have NOWHERE to hide from MY wrath NOW!!!!”

 

Clam seriously says: “Rangers, take him OUT!!!!”

Woolbur says: “Right! Rangers, I'll get them to safety! You call upon your zords and take him out!”

 

Woolbur leaves with the innocent towns-people, and Usagi says: “We need Cosmic Zord power, NOW!” /

 

Usagi says: “Cancer Crab White Cosmic Zord Power!” / Naruto says: “Taurus Bull Red Cosmic Zord Power!” / Lettuce says: “Sagittarius Centaur Green Cosmic Zord Power!” / Toby says: “Pisces Fish Blue Cosmic Zord Power!” / Pinkie says: “Scorpio Scorpion Pink Cosmic Zord Power!” / Ebony says: “Aries Ram Black Cosmic Zord Power!” / BlackHawk says: “I call upon the power of the Spinosaurus!” / StarHawk says: “I need Delta Megazord power, NOW!” /

“They've got, a power and force that you've never seen before! They've got, the ability to morph and to even up the score! No one, can ever take them down! The power lies on their side-ide-ide-ide-ide! Go, go, Power Rangers! Go, go, Power Rangers! Go, go, Power Rangers!” /

 

The Cosmic Multi-Megazord is fully formed, and the Power Rangers say: “Cosmic Multi-Megazord, activate!” /

 

Rajnu says: “It's time to PLAY!!!! And by 'Play,' I mean, DESTROY!!!!”

Toby groans, and he asks: “Don't they EVER get TIRED of SAYING that?!”

 

BlackHawk says: “Probably not!!!! Get a taste of THIS!!!! Fire FULL arsenal!!!!”

 

And with his Spinosaurus Zord, BlackHawk fires his FULL range of energy torpedoes and missiles at Rajnu, and knocks him DOWN!!!! StarHawk says: “My turn! Delta Megazord, Shooting Star Attack!!!!”

 

And the Delta Megazord fires a BUNCH of energy projectiles that look like shooting stars, and it WEAKENS Raju further!!!! Than unexpectedly, Raj's REAL voice BREAKS through!!!! Raj says: “Power Rangers, SAVE me from this! Don't LET me continue to be a MONSTER!!!! Grant me peace, so I can LEARN from my mistakes, in my NEXT life-time!”

 

Than Rajnu growls ANGRILY, indicating the monster is in control! Lettuce sighs, and he says: “We've got to do it, whether we WANT to or NOT!!!!”

Usagi says: “I'll make the call! Time for the Power Sword!!!!”

 

And the Multi-Megazord REACHES into its sheath, pulling out an INSANELY sharp blade!!!! It EFFORTLESSLY slices CLEAN through Rajnu's body, as Rajnu's body crackles with electicity, Raj's voice says: “Thank you.”

 

And Rajnu COMPLETELY explodes!!!! Pinkie seriously says: “Dr. Maniac, no matter what TWISTED scheme you come up with, you will NEVER stop us from doing the right thing!” /

 

Back on Queen Beryl's spaceship, Dr. Maniac is putting the finishing touches on his new, cybernetic left leg!!!! Ahminnan comes in, and he says: “I heard the might Dr. Maniac severely underestimated the very Power Rangers he SOUGHT to kill! How does it FEEL to be out-classed by a bunch of WEAKLINGS?!!!”

 

Dr. Maniac seriously shouts: “SHUT UP!!!! OR I'll TURN YOU into Mulan, Szechuan MCNUGGET SAUCE!! This is ONLY a minor set-back, and BESIDES, this will actually get me CLOSER to my goal of becoming ALL MACHINE, and ALL perfect! Besides, you've gained a LOT today! Now, you have an entire LEGION of my troops at your beck and call! And my Mecha Clones are much EASIER grunts to create and find than those Necron troops are! They'll overwhelm the Rangers, soon enough!”

 

Queen Beryl says: “Meison, your magic skills are quite impressive! And you would be a much better SERVANT to us than Jaedite ever was! Would you care to take his place as one of MY loyal magician's?!”

 

Meison says: “My loyalty lies FIRST to Dr. Maniac!!!! BUT; I WILL help you out as the need arises! Whatever Dr. Maniac wants, I want as well!”

 

Kunzite says: “Nephrite, how long do you think all these NEW guys are going to last?!”

Nephrite nervously gulps, and she says: “Hopefully, a lot longer and a lot BETTER than Grzrg and Bzrk did!” /

 

Around Camp Kidney, order has been restored, and life gets back to what can be considered 'normal,' for the community of Prickly Pines. Samson shakes BlackHawk's hand, and he says: “Thank you for everything! We owe YOU, one!”

 

BlackHawk smiles, and he says: “Not necessary. All par for the course for me, all things considered.”

Lazlo sighs, and he says: “I can't believe Raj would throw my friendship away like that! How could he?”

 

Captain Retro sighs, and he says: “Lazlo, this might be hard for you to believe and accept, but NOT everyone always ends up changing for the better! All you can do is to continue to grow and change to the best of YOUR abilities, and hope that you'll inspire others to do the same!!!!”

 

Than suddenly, ADAM with his Green Zeo Ranger Powers warps in, and he says: “Where's the emergency?! Omnus called, and he said you guys could use some help!”

 

Toby chuckles, and he says: “Thanks for the offer, but we've already taken care of it!”

Adam says: “I would've gotten here sooner, but Alpha Six and I just got finished opening up another new gym in our branch of gyms! It's in Coastal Falls! I'm hoping to help get people to the next level! It could be very USEFUL for you Power Rangers, in your everyday training!”

 

Samson smiles, and he says: “I think we'll take you UP on that! Lazlo, Clam, Edward, Almondine, pack your things! We're moving to Coastal Falls! If whatever BlackHawk is doing is IMPORTANT to him, we'll do whatever we can in order to help him out!”

 

Mrs. Little and Coop comes back, hiding SOMETHING behind them! Mrs. Little says: “And you WON'T be alone! Say hello to D.O.G., now!!!!”

And they reveal D.O.G., who is now wearing Khaki's, a Hawaiian shirt, and green sun-glasses. D.O.G., asks: “BlackHawk, do you think this is me? This is all they had in Prickly Pines!”

 

BlackHawk smiles, and he says: “It's fine. No matter what happens to you, we're ALWAYS going to be friends forever! That will NEVER change, no matter what!”

D.O.G., smiles, and he says: “Thank you, BlackHawk, that means a lot to me!”

 

Lettuce says: “And remember, if Dr. Maniac ever comes back HERE again, always feel free to call for help!”

Slinkman says: “You can count on it!”

 

The Power Rangers all put their hands together, jump up, and shout: “Power RANGERS!!!!” /

 

Episode Notes: First time that an episode recap at the beginning of an episode has actually been NARRATED by someone! In this case, it was Captain Retro, who was IN the previous episode, as well as appearing in THIS one!!!! Lazlo, Samson, Clam, Edward, and Almondine, all from “Camp Lazlo”; become recurring characters starting with this episode. They will appear from time to time to offer advice and other services to the Power Rangers as needed. Samson is REALLY muscular now, having turned his life around! The Power Rangers new Power Vehicles are introduced to them in this episode, even though they end up not NEEDING them for this mission! Featured songs in this episode are, “I Think I'm a Clone Now; Get This Party Started;” and “Shock the Monkey;” which is ALSO the episode title! Like her son, it is revealed that Mrs. Little ALSO has back-wings, and can FLY when she wants to! BlackHawk's mother and some of his friends from Camp Kidney FIND out about the fact that BlackHawk AND his friends are all Power Rangers, and most of what they have gone through AS those heroes! It is revealed in this episode that at the very least, Pinkie Pie is starting to hear the voice of HER Chaos God (Nurgle), inside of her head, but she doesn't know what to DO with his voice, so she usually just ends up repeating whatever Nurgle has just SAID to her! All of Dr. Maniac's loyal goons officially debut in this episode! With the exception of Neo Aquaiger, who is destroyed, they will all become regular nuisances to the Power Rangers! First time that Captain Retro has actually JOINED the Power Rangers in on a fight! Due to the effects of Dr. Maniac's Anthropomorphic Transformer, D.O.G., is permanently transformed from looking like a NORMAL canine, to looking like a tall, upright walking, English talking, anthropomorphic canine being! Samson, Lazlo, and the now-upright D.O.G., all appear naked in this episode! This episode marks the first time the Power Rangers were FORCED to destroy something they didn't want to destroy; (in this case, the brainwashed and crazy mutated version of Raj), and it probably WON'T be the LAST time! Woolbur Fleeceley cuts off Dr. Maniac's LEFT LEG in this episode, forcing Dr. Maniac to replace it with a cybernetic one! /

 

Personal Notes: While D.O.G., has always been a useful character ally to the Power Rangers, I always felt that his uses were LIMITED, due to the fact that he was more of a NORMAL canine! So I got the idea sometime ago, to have SOMETHING happen to D.O.G., that was BEYOND his control, to transform him into an anthropomorphic creature much like Pinkie, Lettuce, and BlackHawk are! And while BlackHawk has always been affectionate to D.O.G., you can expect that affection to deeper even MORE; now that they are EQUALS with each other, in terms of intelligence and abilities! I've always been a fan of “Camp Lazlo,” that's why I wanted to find a way to introduce these characters into the story-line for “Power Rangers Multiverse Force” proper. And also, I thought the bad luck Samson experienced on “Camp Lazlo” was TOTALLY undeserved; so letting Samson become strong and muscular was a way to make up for the hard life that Samson experienced as a kid. Also, it wasn't easy to decide which character would end up being SACRIFICED, as a “Family Unfriendly Aesop” for this episode. I mean, it was easy for me, since I never really LIKED Raj anyways; but I just wanted to make sure, first! Thankfully, I consulted with Renegade, and he felt that my decision was fine. There was at least one other thing that I wanted to do for this episode, but I felt that it would've made the episode run too long, and it was already long enough as it was! We'll just have to wait and see as to whether or not the thing I had planned, will end up getting used in another future episode! /
 

That's my episode idea for today! Enough said, true believers!

[Rebel the Wolfgirl]

Sister Act

 

The quiet of Queen Beryl’s court was interrupted by gunfire and screams coming from just outside the doors. Her guards were fighting an intruder...and losing. Badly.

 

“...Just what in the name of Metalia is going on…?” she muttered, slowly arising from her throne and walking towards the door to see the commotion. Before she could reach the doors, they burst open, one of her guards staggering inside. Beryl covered her mouth in surprise, muttering, “Sweet merciful heavens…”

 

Nephrite arose to aid the guard. “Who did this to you, sir?”

 

The guard didn't answer. Instead, he fell forward, a dagger sticking out of his back.

 

“O-oh, God…” Zoisite muttered, trying not to vomit up his dinner.

 

“Hm.” said Nephrite, analyzing the dagger meticulously. “If I had to make a guess, I would say this is a Hawkian dagger.”

 

“An accurate assumption.” said a female voice, coming from the darkness just outside the doors.

 

“Identify yourself, intruder.” Beryl demanded coldly. “Otherwise, I will send my strongest adviser after you and place your head on my mantle.”

 

“No need for that, Queen Beryl.” came the reply, before a female Hawkian stepped out of the shadows. She wore a dark purple outfit which left very little to the imagination, along with a long, flowing cape. She entered the throne room casually, a coy smirk on her face.

 

“How do you know who I am?” Beryl questioned.

 

The Hawkian said, “You do not need to know that, as it isn't relevant to why I came here.”

 

“That doesn’t explain who you are, nor why you attacked my fortress.”

 

“I attacked your guards because they were in my way. As for who I am…you may call me Firehawk.”

 

“Are you related to the female called Starhawk, by chance?” Nephrite asked.

 

“Unfortunately.” Firehawk said dryly.

 

“I would ask why, but that isn’t relevant.” said Beryl. “Why are you here?”

 

“I came here to propose an alliance.” Firehawk replied. Beryl’s mouth turned into a grin, as she raised an eyebrow in intrigue.

 

“Oh, do tell. I am curious as to what you can provide for me, and vice versa.”

 

“Allow me to kill my sister without interference, and I'll tell you how to bring the youma known as Abaddon back under your sway.”

 

“Deal.” said Beryl.

 

“Y-your Majesty…” said Nephrite. “How can you be swayed so easily?”

 

“She gave me exactly what I asked for, in straightforward terms.”

 

Firehawk looked at Nephrite, before saying, her tone cold, “Sit down, adviser. Your guidance is not needed.” Nephrite nodded, remembering what she had done to the guard.

 

“Now, there is the matter of the Power Rangers.” said Beryl. “I suspect that they may interfere in your goal. But fear not, Firehawk. I will send a youma down to their city...but merely as a distraction.”

 

Firehawk shook her head. “No. Leave the Rangers to me. If all goes according to plan, there won't be any fighting. You see, I'm not going to attack them head on. No, I'm going to play them like fiddles, and convince them I've changed my ways. Then, when I have their trust…”

 

“...you will crush them like insects.”

 

“Exactly.” Firehawk said, before turning towards Ahriman and tossing an object to him. He caught it, examine what she had given him. It was a scroll, along with a crystal.

 

“Use the incantations written on that scroll to summon Abaddon through the crystal.” Firehawk said, before leaving the palace, heading for Core Earth.

 

Meanwhile, Kras’hir was engaged in the most high stakes battle of her life...a staring contest with Sally-Anne. Alpha was honestly amazed that a Daemoness was being beaten in this sort of thing by a toddler. Sally-Anne stuck her tongue out to distract her older sister...or ‘mother’, as Kras’hir considered herself. The Daemoness stuck her tongue out as well, narrowing her eyes. “NYEEEEH!” said Sally-Anne, narrowing her eyes even further.

 

“You won't win, kid.” Kras’hir said playfully. “I've been doing this since before your great-grandparents were born.”

 

“W-well, I’ve been doing this since I was in diapers!” Sally-Anne retorted.

 

Kras’hir chuckled. “Blink. Come on. Your eyes must be getting a bit dry.”

 

“Yeah, so?” she said, narrowing her eyes to the point of squinting.

 

“Blink. Blink. Blink. Blink.”

 

Sally-Anne squinted her eyes further...and ended up blinking.  Kras’hir grinned.

 

“I win, girlie.” the Daemoness said.

 

“Well, ah...I’m gonna go hit the sauce with Uncle Sans.” Alpha burst out into laughter, as did Hedrian.

 

“From the mouths of babes…” Hedrian commented. “Clearly she has no idea what the sauce is.”

 

“Oh, it is literal sauce. Sans gets drunk off of ketchup.” Kras’hir said.

 

“...Well, that is certainly a way to drown your sorrows.” Hedrian said, as Sally Anne walked into another room, where Sans was chugging some ketchup. Sally grabbed a purple bottle; one of those ‘fun’ ketchups for children. She opened the ‘EZ squeeze’ cap, and started drinking. Kras’hir, meanwhile, sharpened her blades, humming as she did so.

 

“You are lucky to have her as a daughter.” said Hedrian. “Even if she does not see herself as such.”

 

“Hey, Kras’hir?” Sally-Anne asked. “Do we have any fries? Uncle Sans wants some for his ketchup!”

 

The Daemoness replied, “They're in the drawer right next to where he's sitting!”

 

“i’m too lazy to get them myself, so that’s why i had sally ask.” Sans said.

 

“...Remind me why you let him hang out in our base?” Alpha asked Kras’hir. “With Sally-Anne, I can understand. Omnus adores her. But with him…”

 

She shrugged, continuing to sharpen her blades. “Hell if I know. Ask Omnus.”

 

Alpha did so, using the name Sally-Anne used: Grandpomnus. This caused Hedrian to laugh uproariously. “You’re joking, right? Grandpomnus? That’s absolutely adorable!”

 

Omnus snorted as he entered the room. “It is, isn't it? I am sure you can see why I worship the ground that little girl walks on.”

 

“Yes, I can.” That was when Sally ran into his arms, purple ketchup all over her mouth. He laughed, twirling her around.

 

“Hello, Sally!” he said cheerfully.

 

“Hi, Grandpomnus!” she giggled. “Wanna join Sans and me for a ketchup party?”

 

He looked at Kras’hir over Sally’s shoulder, mouthing, “I blame you for this.”

 

She grinned. Omnus said to Sally, “Not right now, little one. I actually have a gift for you.”

 

Sally pouted. “Is it a morpher so I can be a Power Ranger too?”

 

“No. You have to be quite a bit older to be a Ranger. Instead, I got you something a bit more your size. Now, I'm going to set you down. When I do, I want you to close your eyes, and not open them until I say. Alright?”

 

“Alright…” she said, closing her eyes. After a minute, Omnus said, “Alright, open your eyes.” She did, her eyes wide at the sight of her gift. Omnus was holding a German Shepherd puppy, swaddled in a blanket. “PUPPY!” she squealed happily. “Where did you get him?”

 

“Oh, I have my ways.” Omnus replied, holding out the bundle to her. “You have to be gentle with him, Sally.”

 

She nodded, and held the puppy close. “I’ll take good care of him. I’ll feed him, clean up after him, and take him out for walkies.”

 

“As long as a grown-up’s with you.” Alpha reminded.

 

“What are you gonna call him, Sally? Every pup needs a good, strong name.” Kras’hir said.

 

“I’ll call him Karanak. Isn’t that what your daddy calls his puppy?”

 

Kras’hir didn't know what she found funnier: Lord Khorne being called her ‘daddy’, or the most fearsome Flesh Hound in existence being called a ‘puppy.’

 

“Isn’t it?” Sally-Anne asked.

 

“...Yes.” Kras’hir replied. “I'm sure dad will be happy that you named your puppy after His.”

 

“Oh, sweet merciful Emperor…” muttered Alpha, his processed laughter hushed. “This is hilarious.”

 

“My uncles will certainly be amused.” Kras’hir said. “Or, my uncles and aunt. It really depends on his...her...their mood.”

 

The puppy barked happily, jumping out of Sally-Anne’s arms and running around.

 

Kras’hir snorted. “Just like Karanak. Minus the ‘ripping people to pieces’ bit.”

 

“...And now he’s making chocolate all over the floor.” Alpha said. Omnus sighed, going to find something to clean it up with. Artemis looked out from behind one of the computers and hissed instinctively.

 

“Hi, white kitty!” said Sally-Anne. “Where’s the other kitty?”

 

“With Usagi.” Artemis said. “Now, why’s a dog in here?”

 

“He was a gift.” Omnus said, having re-entered the room. Artemis quickly calmed down.

 

“Sorry...force of habit.”

 

The newly-dubbed Karanak proved to be less ferocious than his namesake, having backed away and whimpered when Artemis hissed at him. “You scared him, meany kitty.” Sally said, frowning.

 

“Oh, dear.” said Luna, entering the room with Usagi in tow. “What have you done this time, Artemis?”

 

“I scared Sally’s new puppy…”

 

“Puppy?” Luna said, before noticing Karanak. “Ah. I see.”

 

“Oh, Omnus.” Usagi laughed. “You spoil my sister so much.”

 

Omnus shared a knowing look with Kras’hir. He knew how the Daemoness really viewed Sally, but chose not to comment on it.

 

“Anyways,” said Artemis. “Where were you guys?”

 

“Band practice.” said Usagi.

 

Kras’hir continued sharpening her blades, the soft scraping of metal on metal the only sound coming from where she was. Sally, meanwhile, asked Luna and Usagi to join her and Sans’ ketchup party. Luna politely declined. Usagi, on the other hand, accepted. When they got to the room, it seemed Sans had drank both bottles of ketchup, passed out on the floor. Kras’hir sighed, sheathing her blades.

 

“That little girl is my daughter. I don't care how she feels about me, that won't change.”

 

“Yes,” said Hedrian. “But she may not see you the same way.”

 

“I don't care. Like I said, my feelings on the matter won't change.” Hedrian sighed. Kras’hir leaned forward.

 

“Let's get one thing straight right now, Hedrian. I don't trust you. I think you're a backstabbing, power-hungry bitch who would stick a knife in the back of everyone in here if you thought it would benefit you. So, to be honest, your opinion means very little to me.”

 

“I am offended, madame! ...I’m not backstabbing or power hungry. Just a bitch.”

 

This made both Omnus and Kras’hir turn and stare at her. “What?”

 

Neither of them replied. Omnus turned back to the console he was standing at, while Kras’hir left the room, going to find Starhawk. She was drinking mustard, and eating unusual pizza in Undyne and Alphys’ apartment.

 

“Hello, Star.” Kras’hir said as she entered.

 

“Oh, hello. Care for a drink?”

 

Kras’hir considered it, then shrugged. “Eh, what the Hell. Sure.” Starhawk offered her a bottle of spicy brown mustard, grinning widely. The Daemoness drank. Starhawk said, “I have been thinking about Blackhawk as of late. He seems to be what you call ‘the bi’.” She then got a faceful of brown mustard in response. “Why did you spit take, Kras’hir?”

 

“Why in the name of Christ have you been thinking about Blackhawk?”

 

“Why? I can see he has feelings for me, still. But do not get the wrong idea. Have you seen how he has been looking at Toby?”

 

“No, and I'd prefer not to. I have enough nightmares without thinking about those two sleeping together.”

 

“Well, I think it is cute. It would be amazing if those two got together.”

 

Kras’hir snorted, grabbing a rag and wiping off Starhawk’s face. “Apologies for spitting mustard all over you.”

 

“Accepted.”

 

Meanwhile, in Blackhawk’s home, the Hawkian male and his best canine companion were sitting on the bed, deep in thought. A silence hung over them, until D.O.G. asked, “You seem...conflicted recently, Blackhawk. What troubles you?”

 

A brief silence, then Blackhawk replied, “I think...that I am starting to fall in love with Toby.”

 

“Do tell. I’m here to lend an ear. That rhymes!” D.O.G. replied, briefly losing his train of thought. “I’m your friend, Blackhawk. You can tell me anything.”

 

Blackhawk did, explaining how confused he was about his own sexuality, and about how he felt towards both Toby and Ebony. D.O.G. only nodded, thinking about how to approach this. “Hmmm...well, I can’t say I know how you feel, but I can say this: be honest. If Usagi, Starhawk, and Kras’hir can enter a polyamorous lesbian relationship, then you can do something similar with Ebony and Toby.” he said. Blackhawk nodded.

 

“Thanks.” He said, before getting up and leaving his home, going to find Toby and Ebony. Kras’hir, meanwhile, had sat down on the couch in Undyne and Alphys’ apartment, Starhawk on her lap. “This is nice.” the Daemoness said softly.

 

“Yes, it is.” Starhawk said. “It is so nice when almost no one is here.”

 

Kras’hir nodded. “Can I ask you something?”

 

“Anything.”

 

“What is it about me, as broken and angry as I am, that you fell in love with?”

 

“You are a passionate warrior, who stands up for what is good.”

 

“That is a recent development, Star. For most of my life, I have killed and killed without much thought for who I am killing.” the Daemoness said softly.

 

“...Even so, you are still a passionate warrior.”

 

“Indeed.” Kras’hir replied, snorting.

 

“Alphys, Billy, and Coop are still working on vehicles for the team. It is quite sad knowing Coop spends a majority of his time here and not with his brother.”

 

“Eh.” Kras’hir said, shrugging. As the two snuggled, Rocky briefly came by to grab a can of soda.

 

“Hey, guys.” he greeted.

 

“Hey, Rocky.” Starhawk responded lazily.

 

“Oh, by the way, Starhawk, a letter came for you earlier.” Rocky said. “From a...Firehawk?” The Hawkian immediately bolted upright, eyes wide.

 

“Oh, Jesus fucking Christ…” Kras’hir muttered.

 

“Was it something I said?” Rocky asked. “I mean, I wanted to tell you earlier, but I’m busy with this project…”

 

The Daemoness cut him off with a wave of her hand. “Just give Starhawk the letter.” He did as she asked, the trembling Hawkian taking it warily.

 

It read, “Hello, sister dear! I was curious as to whether you would like to meet. You see, I have done a fair amount of soul-searching recently, and I have realized a few things. Namely, how wrong and evil the things I did to both you and are home really were. I want to make up for it, in any way I can. I would like very much to meet with you to discuss the matter further. Best wishes, Firehawk.”

 

“I...I do not believe this. How could she say such LIES?!” The letter instantly caught aflame, disintegrating. Kras’hir blinked, having never seen Starhawk so angry.

 

“While I would agree with you,” said Rocky. “I’d take this as an honest effort on her part. You never know. She might want to repair the bridges she’s burned.”

 

Kras’hir could see Rocky’s words hadn't helped Starhawk calm down at all. She looked at him.

 

“Would you mind making yourself scarce, Rocky? Starhawk and I need some time alone to talk.” He nodded, and ran back to the lab. Starhawk still seethed with rage, her eyes glowing a bright green. Kras’hir gently put a hand on her shoulder. She instantly calmed down, sighing.

 

“She is lying. I know it.”

 

“And yet, part of you still wants to give her a chance, right?” the Daemoness asked.

 

“Right.”

 

Kras’hir hugged her, sensing that the Hawkian needed it. Starhawk hugged her back. “You always know how to make me feel better, love.”

 

“I do my best.” Kras’hir said, gently rubbing her back. Starhawk smiled.

 

At Ebony’s home, Toby looked at Blackhawk, shoveling a Cauldron Cake into his mouth. “So let me get this straight, no pun intended. You, the great Blackhawk Little, are in love with me.”

 

“Yup.” the Hawkian said flatly.

 

“And you want to form a triad like the one Starhawk is in.” he continued, offering a cake to Blackhawk.

 

“Yup.” He replied, taking it.

 

“...I’m cool with it.” said Toby. “How ‘bout you, Eb?”

 

“Yeah. But he’s gonna have to be OK with the fact that this’ll be non-monogamous and that you and I smoke pot and sometimes drink.”

 

“I'm not. In fact, I think you two are crazy for smoking like you do.” Blackhawk said. “However, I can live with it.”

 

“That’s what I meant, dumbass.” she said jokingly. “You may not smoke the grass, but we do. You just gotta roll with it. Aaand maybe do a BDSM orgy every once in awhile.”

 

“Nope.” Blackhawk said, getting up and walking out of the room. “Nope, nope, nope, nope, so much nope…”

 

“Come on, it was a joke!”

 

“LIES!” He shouted back, before the front door could be heard opening and shutting.

 

“...Well, that went over smoothly.” said Toby, taking a puff of a newly-rolled joint. “It’s gonna be a fun relationship, I can tell you that.”

 

“Yeeeep. Hey, can you pass me a Cake?”

 

“Sure, babe.”

 

“So, how’d it go?” D.O.G. asked once his owner returned.

 

“I hate Ebony even more than I did before.” He said bluntly, the resentment he had kept hidden for a while flaring up.

 

“What happened?” D.O.G. sighed. Blackhawk explained. “She was joking about the BDSM orgy, right?” the canine replied.

 

“That's what she said, but I doubt it was entirely a joke. Christ, why can't things be as simple for the three of us as they are for Usagi, Starhawk and Kras’hir? Those three are so deeply in love, without any real complaints or problems.”

 

“That’s what you might think.” stated D.O.G. “But a relationship has to have effort put into it. Would you honestly want Ebony to be faithful to you and Toby, given her allegiance?” His tone was sincere, yet flat.

 

“No. In fact, I'd rather she not be part of the equation at all.”

 

“You’re still mad about her sleeping with that Draco guy, aren’t you?”

 

“No. I'm mad that she still fantasized about him when we were together. I'm mad that she is dragging Toby into her destructive habits. I'm mad that she sold her soul to an evil God who demands that she spend the rest of her life behaving like a whore.”

 

“...Even still, fate says you’ll end up with her sooner or later. And she’ll become a Daemoness of pleasure who will spend eternity with you and Toby. There isn’t a way around this as far as I know, Blackhawk. You can’t fight fate.”

 

“...Fuck that. I'll kill her myself before I spend eternity on some Daemon World, bending the knee to false Gods.” Blackhawk declared.

 

“Not if T’char Himself has anything to say about it…” D.O.G. muttered. This declaration from Blackhawk would have long-lasting repercussions, though at that moment it wasn't apparent to either of them.

 

Kras’hir, meanwhile, was out on a hunt. Numerous criminals were violently slaughtered in less than an hour. It came as quite a surprise when she was discovered skinning one of the criminals she had executed in Toby and Ebony’s weed garden. “Hey!” Toby shouted at Kras’hir. “You just can’t do that to our crop, Kras’hir!”

 

She pulled out a lighter, flicked it on, and tossed it into the plants next to her, all without saying a word or pausing in her skinning of the corpse in front of her. The pot fumes wafted into Ebony’s living room, getting the two baked almost instantly from the potency. Kras’hir got angry, and stomped on Toby’s leg. Hard. “OW! Hey, man, don’t do that! That shit hurts!”

 

She did it again. Toby kept screaming, much to Ebony’s amusement. Kras’hir counted on her being so high she wouldn’t notice. The Daemoness had resented the two of them for a long time, ever since their disgusting relationship had begun. She had seen a portion of the vision that Ebony had not: Kras’hir was destined to slay Ebony in the far future. This made the Daemoness happy. For now, however, she was content to beat the ever-loving crap out of Toby while he was high as a kite. And his whore of a girlfriend refused to do a thing about it. This made Kras’hir even angrier. Angron would have been proud of what she did next. A moment after Kras’hir turned to glare at her, Ebony had been thrown through the roof. She landed in the center of Coastal Falls, crashing down on top of a tree.

 

“Holy shit…” she commented. “I flew without a broomstick. Awesome!”

 

Omnus had seen all of this through the Viewing Globe, his head in his hands.

 

“What’s the matter, Omnus?” Hedrian asked. “I think it’s hilarious those two are getting what they deserve.”

 

Omnus couldn't bring himself to disagree, honestly. He had told Toby and Ebony numerous times how foolish they were being. On the other hand, he was relieved that Justin Stewart, the Turbo Blue Ranger and a fine warrior for his age, was no longer the universe’s unwilling punching bag. He thought, as Kras’hir began gleefully punching Ebony in the face after making her way to where the latter had landed, that the universe had found someone else as a replacement. Or, unfortunately for Toby, two replacements. Why should his own Blue Ranger have to suffer so needlessly? He hadn't deserved it. Toby and Ebony, on the other hand, had more than earned it.

 

“What the hell’s your deal, Kras’hir?!” Ebony yelled. “What’d I do to you?” She fumbled for her wand, hoping to cast some defensive spells. Kras’hir stomped down on her hand just as she grabbed it, shattering both the wand itself...and her fingers. “OW! SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK?! WHY THE SUDDEN HOSTILITY?!” she asked as she tried escaping to get to a hospital.

 

“YOU SOLD YOUR SOUL TO MY MORTAL ENEMY! YOU ACT LIKE A COMMON WHORE, AND DRAG OTHERS INTO YOUR WRETCHED LIFESTYLE! YOU HAVE STRENGTHENED THE MIGHT OF THE GOD I OPPOSE, AND THIS, THIS MORTAL TRANSGRESSION, I CAN NEVER FORGIVE!”

 

“WHAT, DO YOU WANT AN APOLOGY OR SOMETHING!? I CAN DO THAT IF IT’LL MAKE YOU STOP BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF ME!”

 

“No. I do not wish to hear the poisonous deception that you would whisper in order to get me to relent.” the Daemoness growled, her rage having suddenly cooled from a boiling inferno to cool, calm hate. “You would say anything to save your own skin, wouldn't you?”

 

“If it could stop you from beating the fuck out of me it would!” Ebony shouted, trying desperately to climb down with her good hand and get help. Kras’hir snorted, before grabbing Ebony and hanging her from a long tree branch by her collar, positioning her in such a way that she couldn't free herself.

 

“Have fun up there, worm.” She said after she had leapt down from the tree, before walking away. Ebony squirmed, trying to get someone, anyone, to free her.

 

“SOMEONE, ANYONE, HEEEEELLLPPP!”

 

In an instant, someone she couldn't quite see clearly flew by, grabbing Ebony and safely setting her down on the ground. An unfamiliar voice asked her, “Are you alright?”

 

“Y-yeah, I’m fine...unless you count one of my hands being smashed to shit.”

 

That was when she noticed who had helped her out of the tree. A female Hawkian stood in front of her. She resembled Starhawk, though her feathers were darker. The outfit she wore, like Starhawk’s, left little to the imagination, though this stranger wore a cape. The Hawkian was looking at her, an expression of concern on her face. “I swear, I did nothing to that fucking Daemon to deserve what I got.”

 

“You don't have to explain anything to me. I just wanted to help, and make sure you were alright.” the Hawkian said gently. After a brief pause, she said, “Oh, I almost forgot to introduce myself. My name is Firehawk.”

 

“Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way. But you can call me Ebony. I have no clue why my parents gave me those other three names.”

 

Firehawk chuckled. “May I see your injured hand? I promise to be gentle.” She nodded, holding out the appendage in question. The Hawkian began to slowly manipulate the broken bones, gently shifting them back into their proper position. Almost instantly, the pain subsided.

 

“Thanks. Wanna go grab a bite? I’ve got the munchies real bad.” Ebony said, then remembered Toby. “...Shit! I forgot about Toby!”

 

Firehawk said, “Go on. Check on your friend. We will meet again later.”

 

“Thanks again, hot stuff.” Ebony said casually, then attempted to Apparate to her home. She succeeded, and found Toby was fine, albeit still high as balls and lying in what remained of their garden.

 

Firehawk, meanwhile, decided to explore Coastal Falls. Her outfit, as she expected, drew many stares. Especially from males. She then saw the Juice Bar nearby, and decided to see what was inside. Immediately, she was greeted with the harmonies of (who else?) the Beach Boys as they belted out the first few notes of I Get Around; Papyrus and Undyne were behind the counter, and both greeted her cheerfully.

 

“Heyo.” greeted Undyne. “What can I getcha today?”

 

Firehawk shrugged. “I’ll take whatever you make for me. I'm not too choosy when it comes to refreshments.”

 

Papyrus immediately presented her with a massive pile of food and drinks, ranging from burgers and fries to odd-looking smoothies and creamy milkshakes. “IT IS ON THE HOUSE!” he said happily. Firehawk chuckled before beginning to eat. And eat. And eat. Undyne and Papyrus stared, impressed at her appetite. “WOWIE. NO ONE HAS EATEN THIS MUCH BEFORE. WELL, ASIDE FROM MY BROTHER SANS, LETTUCE, PINKIE, EBONY, AND STARHAWK.”

 

At the mention of her sister, Firehawk spat the smoothie she had been drinking directly into his face. Papyrus wiped himself down, sighing irritably. Firehawk cleared her throat.

 

“Apologies. I was just caught off guard when you mentioned my sister.”

 

“You’re related to Starhawk?” Undyne asked. “Cool! That earns you double awesome points from me!”

 

“AND ME AS WELL!”

 

Firehawk nodded, going back to eating. As she ate, the Beach Boys had begun singing about California girls. The melody and instrumentation was oddly soothing. Firehawk rose from the stool she was sitting on, before giving in to the urge she felt. Slowly, the Hawkian began to dance.

 

“Well, at least someone here likes the Beach Boys.” Undyne said.

 

“HEY!” Papyrus defensively replied. “THEY’RE GOOD, BUT NOT THAT GOOD…” he muttered under his breath. Firehawk grinned.

 

“He is correct. I am not dancing because I like these ‘Beach Boys.’ I am dancing because the beat of the song appeals to me in a way I can't explain. You see, we Hawkians love music. Our dances are primal, passionate affairs, as we act out our inner desires with our partners.”

 

“YOU MEAN YOU HAVE SE-” Papyrus began, before remembering he was in public and therefore impolite. “APOLOGIES. I WAS THINKING OUT LOUD FOR A MOMENT.”

 

Firehawk continued to dance, her body contorting and moving in ways that most humans wouldn't be able to repeat. It was very sensual in nature. This caused Undyne to blush furiously and look away. To her, it seemed like Firehawk was tempting her, and she was already taken by Alphys. Firehawk, in reality, was barely paying any attention to Undyne. She approached various people in the Juice Bar, dancing flirtatiously around them, a smirk on her face. The fact that Surfer Girl, a rather beautiful number, was now playing didn’t hurt. “Milkshakes and a show?” someone asked. “Thanks, Undyne!”

 

“Absolutely repulsive.” muttered an old woman trying to enjoy her food. “Young lady, I am a very important person in this city, and I will not have your filth sullying my lunchtime.”

 

“Ah, shut up, ya hag!” said a man about her age, who was watching Firehawk intently. “You'll be dead and buried in a few years, anyway.”

 

“HOW DARE YOU, SIR?! I AM EDNA GRANBO, CHAIRWOMAN OF THE MORALITY SQUAD, AND I WILL NOT TOLERATE A CITIZEN SUPPORTING THIS DEBAUCHER-” the hag said, before being thrown out, quite literally, by Papyrus.

 

“AND STAY OUT!”

 

When the Rangers, save for Usagi, Toby and Ebony, arrived not long after, it came as quite a surprise to see Firehawk dancing with one of the patrons in the Juice Bar. “Well, this is something.” said Naruto.

 

“You’re telling me.” said Lettuce. “Isn’t that Starhawk’s sister?”

 

Firehawk turned towards them, continuing to dance with her partner, having heard them mention her sister’s name.

 

“Well, helloooo nurse.” Lettuce said, then looked at Pinkie. “...What?”

 

“No comment.” said Naruto. Pinkie merely sighed. “Why so down, Pinks?” he asked.

 

She didn't reply. Firehawk continued her dancing, leaving her partner behind, approaching the Rangers at a slow, leisurely pace. “Hello.” Naruto greeted. “You must be Firehawk. Naruto Uzamaki’s the name.”

 

“A pleasure to meet you.” Firehawk replied, stopping in front of him.

 

“I’m Retthi Manchot.” Lettuce greeted, kissing her hand. “But you can call me Lettuce. Everyone does.”

 

“Hello, Lettuce.” She said pleasantly, smiling.

 

“Hello to you too, Firehawk. That’s Pinkie, by the way.”

 

“Hey.” Pinkie said, doing her best to sound cheerful. Firehawk nodded, still smiling.

 

“Greetings, Pinkie.” She said.

 

“Care to join us for a few drinks?” Naruto offered.

 

“I would love to.” Firehawk responded.

 

Naruto and Lettuce bought their usual, and walked over to a table. Notably, Pinkie didn’t follow. Firehawk sat with them, having grabbed a smoothie from the massive array of food and drink that still remained at her earlier spot. Lettuce gave her casual compliments and unintended flirtations, Naruto made small talk. Firehawk merely listened, only speaking when directly addressed. Lettuce noted that Pinkie kept giving him dirty looks from afar, much to his confusion.

 

Meanwhile, in the Command Center, tensions were high. Kras’hir and Ebony were arguing, shouting back and forth at each other. “WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HATE ME ALL OF A SUDDEN?!” Ebony hollered.

 

“I HATE YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE A WHORE!” Kras’hir bellowed back, glaring at her. Usagi tried acting as a mediator to the argument, to no avail.

 

“WELL, AT LEAST I’M NOT A COLD-BLOODED KILLER!” Ebony fired back.

 

“AT LEAST I DON’T SLEEP WITH EVERYTHING THAT MOVES!” Kras’hir roared in response.

 

“I DON’T!”

 

Kras’hir snorted. “LIAR!”

 

“I ONLY SLEEP WITH GUYS AND GIRLS!”

 

Another snort.

 

“No response? Pfft.”

 

Kras’hir merely glared at her.

 

“What?”

 

“You're still a whore.”

 

“And proud.”

 

“You disgust me.” Kras’hir growled.

 

“Fangz, I try.” Ebony said, sticking her tongue out.

 

“You little bitch.”

 

“Didn’t know you were talking about yourself.”

 

The Daemoness growled, her fingers twitching. Ebony flipped her off.

 

“You know you remind me of?” Kras’hir snarled. “My father.”

 

“...Didn’t he rape you?” Ebony asked. “How the fuck am I like that scumbag?”

 

“You're like him because you, like him, are an arrogant, prideful, promiscuous shit-heel.”

 

“At least I don’t deny it.”

 

“And that's your problem. You act like being a whore is something to be proud of, when, in fact, it makes me want to strangle you.”

 

“BYE, FELICIA!” Ebony shouted, flipping her off and exiting the Command Center. The Daemoness watched Ebony go, angered to the point that her body was shaking.

 

“She’s gone.” reassured Usagi. “Calm down.”

 

“One day, I am going to kill her.” Kras’hir said softly.

 

“...She’s my friend. Don’t.”

 

“And is she really worth your friendship, Usagi? Tell me, what has Ebony done to earn it?”

 

“She...she...she’s my teammate?”

 

“Is that all?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Kras’hir snorted. “You have proven my point.”

 

“Does that mean I should hate her lifestyle? No. I may not approve of it, but it’s her life. She can live however she likes.”

 

“Have you forgotten who she sold her soul to?”

 

“No, but have you forgotten all of us sold our soul to a God to get our powers?” Usagi retorted. “Ebony is in a grey area. She has to do as Slaanesh asks lest she lose her powers, and none of us want that.”

 

Kras’hir grudgingly conceded the point, though she wasn't happy about it. “If we’re being honest here,” said Usagi. “Blackhawk is more aggressive towards Ebony. He keeps putting up this whole ‘we’re good, Chaos is evil’ argument whenever I ask him. It’s very black-and-white.”

 

“That's because most servants of Chaos are manipulative, insane, violent sociopaths. The only exceptions are servants of Nurgle, who have a sense of morality so twisted most people can't make heads or tails of it.”

 

“That may be true, but our circumstances are dire; we need to grey our perceptions of good and evil, with some exceptions like Diabolica and Radiguet. Blackhawk’s immature way of thinking will get him killed if he doesn’t change.”

 

“You want to know something funny, Usagi?”

 

“What?”

 

“I have to restrain myself from killing you, Starhawk and Sally whenever we are together.”

 

“That’s not funny at all.”

 

“You're right, but it's true. Those urges I have to kill have not just gone away. I have to restrain them, every time I am around those I have come to care about. Do you know how hard it is to fight against my very nature, all for the sake of not violently murdering those I call family?”

 

“I can’t imagine.”

 

“Which is better, Usagi? To be born good, or overcome your evil nature through great effort?”

 

“Hard question.”

 

“I consider myself evil. The only things keeping my urges to maim, kill, slaughter and burn in check are you, Starhawk and little Sally.”

 

“You may consider yourself evil, but you care about the three of us. You have a good heart.

 

“I do my best. My point is that a black-and-white view on morality isn't necessarily immature. Most people who pledge themselves to Chaos, no matter their intentions, lose themselves eventually. You can't tell me you don't feel it. The allure of power, tempting you to sink ever deeper into the pit that is Chaos.”

 

“I do feel it...it nibbles away at my mind.”

 

“That is why I spend a lot of time meditating, doing my best to keep the beast within calm. When I go off alone, that is often what I do. You may benefit from doing the same.

 

“I think I will.”

 

Kras’hir nodded. “Hey, do you know where Starhawk is?”

 

“No. Do you?”

 

Kras’hir shook her head. Firehawk, meanwhile, was still talking with Naruto and Lettuce. Their conversation was interrupted by the arrival of Ebony, who took immediate interest in Firehawk. Firehawk smirked at Ebony.

 

“Why, hello there.” She purred.

 

Hello yourself, hot stuff.” Ebony replied. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”

 

“I could say the same to you.”

 

“You guys have met?” asked Naruto.

 

“Long story.” Ebony said. “But yeah, we met earlier today.” She then blew a kiss towards Firehawk before sitting next to her. Firehawk continued to smirk. “So, babe,” she said casually, making Naruto’s and Lettuce’s jaws drop. “How are you liking the city so far?”

 

“Compared to other cities I have visited, it is pretty dull, honestly.”

 

“Yeah. It gets pretty boring, unless the Power Rangers are fighting the usual weekly monster.”

 

“Monster? I have heard of the so-called monsters the Power Rangers fight. Compared to some of the horrors I have seen out in the cosmos, the foes they slay are infants.”

 

“It’s a wonder that the giant robot they pilot doesn’t cause massive property damage.”

 

Firehawk chuckled. “You want to hear about a city that is exciting? The city of Brexian on Epsilon V, now that is a metropolis that is far from dull. The place is absolutely crawling with mercenaries, crime lords and assassins. If you don't spend every moment there expecting to be stabbed in the back and planning accordingly, you likely won't make it out alive.”

 

“Reminds me of Mos Eisley.” Ebony said, smirking.

 

Firehawk nodded, having learned a fair amount about pre-Imperial entertainment. “Exactly.”

 

“Sounds like my kind of city, especially if it has booze and sluts.” she continued, licking her lips seductively. Firehawk smirked back, the expression equal parts predatory and inviting. Ebony kissed her, much to Naruto’s shock.

 

“Damn it, Ebony…” he muttered. Seeing Lettuce becoming a bit invested, he slammed the penguin’s head gently onto the table, much to the latter’s irritance. Firehawk began kissing Ebony back, pulling her close. Ebony moaned softly, adding in her tongue. Firehawk purred, adding her own tongue just as the door to the Juice Bar opened. Firehawk turned to see who had entered, just as a fist slammed into her face, sending her crashing into another table. She rubbed her cheek, groaning a bit.

 

“Hello, sister dear.”

 

“...Why did I expect anything less; you canoodling with someone of the same sex, much less one of my friends?”

 

Firehawk shrugged, getting up. “She was practically begging me to ravish her. A shame you interrupted.”

 

“Yeah.” Ebony interjected. “And I’m still begging her to ravish me!”

 

“Quiet, Slaaneshi whore!” Starhawk screeched, then turned to Firehawk. “I have no idea what you are doing here, sister, but I know it isn’t to show you’ve changed.”

 

“I merely wanted to see my little sister again, and my, how you've grown!” Firehawk taunted, dodging the punch she knew was coming. Starhawk swore in her native tongue, trying to punch her sister multiple times.

 

“Depraved, incestuous cunt!” Starhawk yelled. “You’re here for something! Now tell me, what is it?!”

 

“I just told you! I came here to see you again, darling sister. Why do you doubt my word?”

 

“Because you are nothing but a liar, a cheat, and a genocidal warmonger!”

 

“By the gods, tell me how you really feel.” Firehawk retorted mockingly.

 

Starhawk stopped attacking, and stared. How did she really feel, now that she thought about it? Sighing, she looked at her sister. “I absolutely despise you...and yet, I have wanted to see you again for a very long time.”

 

Out of all the things Firehawk thought Starhawk might say, that was not among them. She paused, her eyes widening a bit in surprise.

 

“...Truly?” she asked.

 

“Truly.”

 

Firehawk was silent, having been stunned by her sister’s words. What was even more surprising was Starhawk hugging her sister tightly. Firehawk, after a moment, hugged her back. Perhaps, she thought, her initial goal to kill her sister was not the way to go about things. Perhaps...or perhaps not. Firehawk would have to bide her time and see what proved to be the best course of action. She held her little sister close, gently stroking her head. “This is heartwarming and all,” said Ebony. “But can you hurry this up so I can get ravished?” Starhawk glared intently, sending chills up Ebony’s spine. She immediately shut up. Firehawk ignored Ebony. She had been a fun distraction, but nothing more. Pouting, Ebony ordered a root beer float and cheeseburger...then, walking over to the counter, ate the rest of the massive plate of food from earlier.

 

Firehawk continued to hold Starhawk close. After another minute of silence, she began to softly hum a tune that Starhawk recognized instantly. It was the song Firehawk would sing to Starhawk when they were both children, in order to calm her little sister down after a nightmare. She smiled, snuggling into her sister with nostalgic joy. Firehawk smiled, beginning to softly sing.

 

“Do not fear, I am here,

I will love you always, sister dear.

Be not afraid, close your eyes,

Dream of flowers and endless skies.

Dream not of monsters and scary things

Dream of summer, and the peace it brings.

Hold me close, and be afraid no more.

Dear Star, I will be with you, for all that's in store.”

 

Starhawk softly cried tears of joy. Just for a moment, all of the horrible things Firehawk had done were forgotten, and the two of them were children again, her older sister a guardian against all of the monsters she faced in her bad dreams. “I love you…” she whispered. “...so, so, much, sister dear.”

 

Firehawk began to weep as well, hugging her little sister tighter. “I love you, too.”

 

“This is so sweet.” Naruto observed.

 

“Ain’t it?” replied Lettuce, having freed himself from Naruto’s gentle grip. “Hey, Pinkie? Look at this.” he called. She did, before smiling softly. “How sweet…”

 

Lettuce nodded. Firehawk didn't pay any attention to them. She continued stroking Starhawk’s head gently. Starhawk closed her eyes, resting her beak on her sister’s shoulder. Firehawk smiled, kissing her little sister’s head. Soon, Starhawk drifted off into sleep, snoring softly. Firehawk gently picked her sister up, holding Starhawk in her arms as she walked over to where Naruto and Lettuce were sitting.

 

“Where should I bring her?” Firehawk whispered.

 

“Bring her to this address.” Naruto said, and wrote down the address to Undyne and Alphys’ apartment. Firehawk nodded, leaving the Juice Bar and heading to the address he had provided. Coop answered the door...and immediately laid an egg in fright, which shattered upon hitting the ground. “W-what do you want?” he asked, afraid. That was before he noticed she was cradling Starhawk.

 

Firehawk said softly, “I just want to find a bed to lay my sister down in.”

 

“Oh, well...come on in.” he said, and led Firehawk to her sister’s room. She set her sister down on the bed, covering her with a blanket. Coop had listened to her talk on the way, and realized that Firehawk had made a good first impression on him. “You know, you aren’t so bad.”

 

“Thanks.” She said dryly, sitting on the couch in the living room.

 

“If you’re wondering about how I was able to lay an egg...don’t ask.”

 

“I wasn't going to, because I don't care.” Firehawk replied.

 

“Sooo...what do you wanna do?”

Firehawk shrugged. Coop just sat, pondering what to do. Firehawk quickly got bored, getting up and heading for the door. “See ya, I guess.” said Coop. She tossed a communication device to him.

 

“Contact me when my sister wakes up.”

 

“Mmkay.” When Starhawk awoke sometime later, Coop did as Firehawk instructed. She returned ten minutes later. Starhawk walked out of her room, and hugged her sister. Firehawk hugged her back.

 

“Hello again, Firehawk.”

 

“Hello, sister dear. Did you sleep well?”

 

“Very much.”

 

“Good.” Firehawk replied, smiling. Starhawk continued hugging her. Firehawk rubbed her sister’s back. They hugged each other for a good while before Starhawk broke it. Firehawk stepped back, placing her hand on Starhawk’s shoulder.

 

“I may have been mocking you when I commented on how you've grown, but you truly have. My little sister is all grown up now.” She said, still smiling.

 

“And I apologize for calling you an incestuous cunt.”

 

“Hey, only the first of those two insults is a lie.” Firehawk said, giggling a bit. Starhawk looked at her quizzically, before laughing with her. It was clear she hadn't quite understood what Firehawk meant, but was laughing in order to avoid embarrassment. When Starhawk stopped laughing, she smiled at her sister. Firehawk smiled back, before stepping away.

 

“Now, sister dear, care to show me around this city of yours?” she asked.

 

“Of course.”

 

“Lead the way.” Firehawk said. She did, walking out of Alphys and Undyne’s apartment. With a soft ‘meh’, Coop made his way back to the lab to continue working. Firehawk followed her sister as they walked through Coastal Falls, the warmth of the day comforting and peaceful.

 

“So...how did you end up here, Star?” she asked.

 

She explained, in detail, how the ancient sage Zordon sent her to Core Earth in order to combat the oncoming threats of the Necrons, Radiguet, and eventually the Great Devourer. Firehawk snorted, taking out a cigarette and a lighter. She stuck the cigarette in her mouth, lit it, then said, “I should have known that old bastard Zordon was involved somehow.”

 

“He is not an old bastard. He is one of the most important historical figures, as far as the Power Rangers go.”

 

Firehawk exhaled smoke, silent for a moment. “His prophecies aren't good for much except getting people killed.”

 

“Even though deaths are not his intention.”

 

“The humans have a saying; the road to Hell is paved with the best intentions. That fits Zordon quite well. He tells people about the visions he has, regardless of how it will affect them.”

 

“That is because he is but a mentor; he lets those under his wing figure things out for themselves.” Then she muttered, “Unlike his so-called student Gosei…”

 

Firehawk snorted, tapping ash off the end of her cigarette. “Right, he lets those he mentors figure things out for themselves. That explains why he told me that I was surrounded by great darkness, and that evil and death would follow me wherever I went, when I was eight years old, without explaining what he meant.”

 

“It isn’t as bad as the Inquirians.” Starhawk said. “They talk in nothing but questions.”

 

“Oh, I know. It drove me crazy trying to speak with them after Zordon refused to tell me anything more.” Firehawk replied. Starhawk nodded, remembering how frustrated she was when she was first given the Phantom Ranger powers. When she had tried to figure out how they worked, the Inquirians refused to tell her anything useful. Firehawk decided not to mention she had returned to where the Inquirians lived and slaughtered them all about a year earlier. They had begged her not to kill them. She had pretended to be merciful, promising to let them go...if they burned their vast collection of books and scrolls, effectively destroying thousands of years of recorded history. The Inquirians, prideful of their vast collection of knowledge, refused. Firehawk remembered her words well: “Such a shame. You'll just burn with your books.”

 

She hadn't been lying. The Inquirians were chained together in their library, each of them gagged and blindfolded. Firehawk then set the shelves around them ablaze, leaving them to slowly be consumed by the raging inferno. Soon, their entire world had burned. Firehawk slept soundly that night, the destruction of the entire Inquirian order not making her feel any  guilt. She was shaken out her line of thought by Starhawk looking at her expectantly, waiting for an answer to a question Firehawk hadn't heard.

 

“I'm sorry, sister dear. What did you say?” she asked. Starhawk repeated what she had said. The question had been, “So, why are you really here, Firehawk?”

 

Firehawk considered it, then said, “I was telling the truth in my letter. I came here to try and atone for what I've done.”

 

“Bullshit. I can see you’re here for something. Now what is it?”

 

“No bullshit? My original goal was to kill you.”

 

“Original goal, hmm? So you don’t plan to?” Starhawk asked hopefully. Firehawk sighed.

 

“No. No, I don't. I can't.”

 

“And that makes you a better person for it.”

 

“I mean, how could I kill you? How could I kill my dear sister, who was once an innocent little girl, waiting for me to read her a bedtime story and sing a lullaby?” Firehawk whispered, looking away.

 

“As you just said, you can’t.” Starhawk said. “But know this. I, along with my friends, know that almost anyone deserves a second chance.”

 

“Even me? After what I did to our parents, our home?”

 

“I cannot forgive that, yes; but I can see that you want to forgive yourself.” Starhawk said. “And I will help you.”

 

Firehawk smiled, taking the dagger she had intended to kill her sister with, snapping it in half, and tossing it aside. “Thank you, Star. Sincerely.”

 

“No problem, as they say.”

 

Firehawk took her sister’s hand. “Let's keep walking, shall we?” Starhawk nodded, smiling. They walked, enjoying a comfortable silence.

 

Kras’hir, meanwhile, was being lectured by both Omnus and Usagi. She didn't say a word, merely listening.

 

“What, exactly, are you disciplining her for?” Hedrian asked. “She has done nothing wrong.”

 

Omnus sighed. “She can't just attack her teammates whenever she gets angry.”

 

“Even if they deserve it?”

 

He sighed again, letting Usagi speak.

 

“Kras’hir...what you did to Ebony was absolutely uncalled for.”

 

Kras’hir still didn't speak. Her face was completely devoid of any emotion. Omnus sighed for a third time.

 

“Kras’hir, you can't just do whatever you feel like to people. When you do, you're no better than your father was.” Usagi winced, looking at Omnus.

 

“....Omnus…”

 

Before he could fully realize his mistake, Kras’hir’s hand had shot out, wrapping around his throat. She began strangling him, Omnus beating her arm in a futile attempt to get her to let go. Usagi unsheathed the Full Moon Blade, muttered an apology, and struck her girlfriend’s arm with it. She struck much harder than intended. The blade cut clean through the Daemoness’s arm, and Kras’hir howled with pain, the sound piercing. “S-SHIT!” Usagi said, tears filling her eyes. “KRAS’HIR! I’M SO SO SO SO SO SO SORRY!”

 

Omnus pried the hand off his throat, the severed arm thumping to the ground. He coughed, before bending over and vomiting, both due to being strangled, and horror at his comment, and what it had led to. “It’s going to be OK, Usagi.” said Alpha. “We can fix this...hopefully.”

 

Kras’hir was backing away from them, fear in her eyes. “Please, Usagi...don't hurt me anymore. It burns...it burns…”

 

“I-I’m not going to…” Usagi replied, moving towards her slowly after dropping the Blade. Kras’hir continued backing away, afraid. Usagi kept moving closer...then pulled her into a hug. Kras’hir broke down, weeping openly. “Shhh...it’s OK…” Usagi whispered. Kras’hir held her girlfriend close, sobbing into her shoulder.

 

“You can, I dunno, regenerate your arm, can’t you?” Hedrian asked. Kras’hir turned to stare at her. If looks could kill… “Sorry. I just guessed, being a Daemon Prince and all, you were the equivalent to a demigod…”

 

“Not helping, Hedrian.” growled Usagi, who then turned to Alpha. “Get Kras’hir to medbay, stat. I’ll come with her.”

 

“Right.” said Alpha, who somehow was able to lift Kras’hir’s severed arm over his shoulder and carry it into the medbay. Usagi walked with Kras’hir and laid her down onto the bed. “We’re going to perform a quick and painless surgery.” the robot explained.

 

The Daemoness snorted, grabbed the arm, put it against the point where it had been severed, and growled, “Get to work, Alpha.” He did, and in a matter of minutes, the arm was reattached.

 

“Better?” Usagi asked. Kras’hir flexed her arm, chuckling.

 

“Much.” Usagi led her back into the main base of the Center, and looked at Omnus. He, in turn, looked at Kras’hir.

 

“I cannot express how deeply sorry I am for what I said.” Omnus told her, avoiding her face.

 

Kras’hir grinned, punching his shoulder playfully. “It's okay. I wasn't really all that mad. Well, okay, I was, but not angry enough to actually kill you.”

 

He let out a sigh of relief. “That is good. After all...who else would officiate your wedding?”

 

This caught Usagi off guard. “You mean…” she asked, surprise in her voice.

 

“Yes. I plan to be the one to guide you three through saying your vows.”

 

“OK, hold up.” interrupted Hedrian. “When was this...a thing?”

 

Kras’hir looked at her. “When was what a thing?”

 

“A wedding.” Hedrian snarked.

 

“Since now, you snide bitch.” Kras’hir snarked back.

 

“Buuurn.” Hedrian said dryly.

 

Kras’hir snorted.

 

“Anyways, Kras’hir, I hope that this taught both of us a lesson.” Usagi said.

 

“Yep. I should have broken both of Ebony’s hands.” Usagi glared at her.

 

“What? You expect me to feel sorry for what I did?”

 

“No, but I want you to promise me to never harm Ebony again.”

 

“I would, but it would be a lie. However...I will do my best.”

 

“Good.”

 

Omnus then asked Kras’hir, “You met Horus, right?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“What was he like?”

 

“Oh, he was incredible.”  The Daemoness said.

 

“You’re being sarcastic, right?” Usagi asked.

 

“No. He was the epitome of what mankind should aspire to be. If the False-Emperor was God, then Horus Lupercal was Jesus Christ.” Kras’hir replied sincerely. “That is, before he fell to Chaos.”

 

“...And, if my future shown to me is correct, Horus will only see me as a replacement?”

 

“Indeed. You know, when I was fighting in the Heresy, I would have gladly died fighting for Horus if the need arose. Most of the others who followed him would say the same.”

 

“But even so, he killed my Father...and that was only the first in a 50,000 year-long conga line of trauma for the latter.”

 

“I really, sincerely hope you're not expecting me to pity your tyrant of a father.”

 

“He was no tyrant.” said Usagi. “Ask Omnus.”

 

Kras’hir cut off whatever Omnus planned to say by snarling, “Ask Lorgar. Was your father kind and benevolent when He burned the holy city of the Word Bearers to ashes and forced Lorgar and his men to kneel and pledge never to praise His name again?”

 

“I...uh...ummm…”

 

“Was He kind and benevolent when He forcibly took Angron away from his brothers-and-sisters-in-arms, denying the Red Angel the chance to go down fighting with the people he cared about, spitting in the face of oppression?”

 

“I-I don’t know, I’ll have to ask him…”

 

Kras’hir laughed. “Ask Angron? I wouldn't advise it. His temper flares up enough without being reminded of that particular day. Sister or not, you bring it up and he'll tear off your head.”

 

Usagi sighed, and teleported to her bedroom, wanting to be alone.

 

Meanwhile, in Queen Beryl’s fortress, Ahriman was hard at work, attempting to summon Abaddon.

 

“Why bother?” asked Nephrite. “You can just create another youma and not worry about Abaddon.”

 

Ahriman said slowly, as if speaking to a child, “This youma was clever enough to be able to betray us. Imagine what we could do with it under our control.”

 

“Not much, considering our energy-storing machine is still broken.” Zoisite replied.

 

“While all three of you have good points,” Beryl said. “Ahriman is right. Imagine the goals we could accomplish with Abaddon alone.”

 

Ahriman continued his work, and eventually, the spell was complete. He summoned Abaddon.

 

“Greetings, Abaddon.” Beryl said. “Are you ready to serve me once more?”

 

Then the fog from the spell cleared...and it was not Abaddon, the youma, that stood in front of her. Rather, it was Abaddon, the Warmaster, who wasn't the slightest bit amused at being summoned.

 

“Well, fuck.” Nephrite said. “We’re screwed.”

 

“That little bitch tricked us…” Zoisite muttered.

 

Then, Abaddon began to laugh. The laughter continued as he changed forms, the youma of the same name revealing himself. The spell had worked as intended after all. “No. No, she didn't. Hahahahahahahaha…”

 

“Now, are you ready to serve me once more?” Beryl asked. The laughter stopped, before his tail shot out, wrapping around her throat and lifting her into the air. “ACK...Let me go, you...brute…”

 

“You think yourself above me, Beryl?” He asked, almost pleasantly, before letting her go.

 

“Yes…” Beryl replied between loud coughs. “I am your mistress, and you will obey me, youma.”

 

And if I don't? What will you do then?”

 

“I will destroy you.”

 

Abaddon laughed. “It would amuse me greatly to see you try.” Beryl grinned, and she unleashed one of her more powerful attacks: a shadowy energy wave. This proved to be more dangerous than the youma expected, forcing him to create a shield of energy to block it.

 

Beryl then said, “I am far more powerful than I seem, youma. This should be proof enough that I am your superior.”

 

Abaddon stared down at her, before curling his wings, causing the shield to harden into glass. After a moment, he flicked his wings outward, causing the barrier to shatter, sending shards to rain down on Beryl and her advisors. Beryl shielded herself, looking at Abaddon fearfully. Ahriman wasn't so lucky, with one of the shards going through his stomach. Several servants ran to help him, removing the shard from his stomach. The sorcerer was still bleeding, the floor beneath him becoming soaked and red. He looked at Beryl, a mirthless smile on his face.

 

“I never was all that great with healing spells.” Ahriman said, coughing. The Queen began crying softly, asking Kunzite to heal him, or at least try. Kunzite had no warm feelings for the sorcerer, but he could tell Beryl loved Ahriman deeply. He rushed over to the sorcerer, beginning to cast a healing incantation. Abaddon had backed away, his point made. Kunzite asked his Queen as he worked, his tone one of amazement, “You really are in love, aren't you?”

 

“Yes…” she whispered. Kunzite nodded.

 

“Do not fear, Your Grace. I will heal him.”

 

“Thank you, Kunzite. I am ever grateful.”

 

“Of course.”

 

Beryl cast a glance at Abaddon, and muttered, “You are lucky that I fear and find you useful.”

 

The youma merely snorted.

 

“Go.” she ordered. “Do as you wish.”

 

The youma did...but not before repairing the energy-gathering machine with a casual flick of his tail and burst of energy.

 

“Well.” Zoisite stated with widened eyes. “That was quick.”

 

“Make no mistake, Beryl.” Abaddon said. “I did not do this to be charitable.”

 

“Then why?” Beryl asked.

 

“Patience. You will know what you need when you need to know.”

 

With that, he disappeared, leaving them to wonder what he meant. Meanwhile, Firehawk sat with her sister on a park bench, enjoying the sunshine. The two of them were still holding hands.

 

“This is nice.” She said.

 

“Indeed. Shall we go grab the bites, as they say?”

 

Firehawk stifled a laugh. “Sure.”

 

Starhawk led her to a hot dog cart, run by Sans. “What are you doing here, skeleton friend?”

 

“my job.” Sans said. “wanna buy a hot dog? it’s only a dollar.”

 

Firehawk paid for them both. “come again soon.” said Sans, who began stuffing his mouth with hot dogs, much to Starhawk’s amusement. Firehawk was amused as well, snorting as she lit a fresh cigarette. Sans looked at her, and pointed to a sign that read, ‘NO SMOKING WHILE NEAR THE HOT DOG CART.’

 

Firehawk rolled her eyes, beginning to walk away. “Sister,” Starhawk said while eating her hot dog. “When did you take up smoking? It is bad for your health.”

 

“I have done a fair amount of travelling across the multiverse, Star. I have been to many alternate Earths, including one where the Third Reich dominates the globe. While there, I managed to seduce a rather influential officer. It was from him that I picked up the habit.”

 

“Was he a good bedmate?” Starhawk snorted.

 

“Oh, yes. Who knew Nazis could be so gentle, yet so firm?” Firehawk replied, grinning. Starhawk snorted again, stifling a giggle.

 

“A Nazi does not compare to a female Daemon.” Starhawk retorted.

 

“Oh, I beg to differ. He would trace out the names of German territories with his tongue when he went down on me. It felt unbelievably great.” Firehawk shot back.

 

Starhawk stared, both amused and aroused at the thought. Firehawk began to eat, putting her cigarette out. Her sister handed her a bottle of mustard which she’d been drinking out of.

 

“This is a fine beverage.” Starhawk said, smiling.

 

Firehawk put some on her hot dog. Starhawk shrugged, then drank.

 

“Mustard is not something people here drink, sister dear.” Firehawk informed her. “It is a condiment.”

 

“Sans drinks ketchup.” Starhawk said, pointing to where the hot dog cart was. “He introduced me to mustard.”

 

“Sans is an exception. Most people on this planet don’t drink ketchup or mustard, but hey, I won't judge. Drink away.” Starhawk chugged down the entire bottle, then another landed in front of her. Firehawk continued eating. When they were done, Starhawk got up. Firehawk did the same.

 

“Where shall we go next?” Starhawk asked.

 

Firehawk shrugged in response. “It's up to you, sister dear. I'm following you, remember?”

 

“Hmmm...shall we go back to Undyne and Alphys’ apartment?”

 

“That sounds so very dull. You haven't shown me very much of this city. Is that because you have chosen not to, or because there is not much to see?”

 

“There isn’t too much of interest, but I could show you the woods outside of the city.”

 

“That sounds wonderful. Lead the way.” Firehawk said in response. Starhawk did, flying with her sister for several miles, then landing in a forest clearing. Firehawk landed next to her, stretching.

 

“Ah, I do love flying. It is…” she trailed off, unsure how to finish her thought.

 

“...exhilarating?” Starhawk replied.

 

“Indeed. Exhilarating...and liberating.”

 

“Of course, you yourself feel very liberated.” Starhawk joked playfully.

 

Firehawk raised an eyebrow, replying in the same tone, “And what, my dear, sweet, darling sister, is that supposed to mean?”

 

“You feel free to do as you please, such as smoking or fooling around with Nazi officers.” she replied, trying to hold back the laughter.

 

“Oh, fooling around with Reinhard was fun. Getting shot at by his men was not.”

 

“His men shot at you?”

 

“Yes. It caused quite a stir when one of the most powerful men in the Reich was discovered in bed with a non-human. The SS guards were not very amused. Hence the gunfire.”

 

“Ah. I ought to introduce you to my friend Blackhawk. He is a fellow Hawkian like us. His mother’s an absolute bitch, though.”

 

Firehawk clicked her heels and saluted in the same way the Nazis did. “Ja, zat sounds like a gut time.” she said with an exaggerated German accent.

 

“Perhaps we will meet him after we walk through nature for a while. To get our minds off of things.”

 

Firehawk nodded, beginning to walk. “It may surprise you to know that I ended up losing that little confrontation with the SS.”

 

“But you’re still alive.” Starhawk said. “How did you end up losing?”

 

“An artillery shell detonated right next to me. Knocked me off my feet and dazed me long enough for them to sweep in and knock me unconscious. After that...I spent about a year in one of their little camps.”

 

“Oh dear.”

 

Firehawk nodded. “That wasn't fun. At all. In fact…”

 

She extended her right arm, allowing Starhawk to see small patch of skin that lacked any feathers. On it was a tattoo, a number: 3451. Starhawk put a hand over her mouth, gasping in shock.

 

“By the gods…”

 

Firehawk nodded again. “Yes.”

 

“Even though you have done terrible things, you did not deserve to be held prisoner.”

 

“It gets worse. About halfway through my incarceration, Reinhard, excuse me, Obergruppenführer Heydrich, came to visit. He told me, a calm, pleasant smile on his face, that any feelings I had thought he felt for me were just a cruel illusion. He had been planning to get me captured by the SS the whole time.”

 

“That bastard.”

 

“Of course, I had been playing him the same time he had been playing me. I stole files containing intel about the camp I had been sent to right out of his office without him noticing a week before I was captured, just in case. My escape six months after his visit was flawless.

 

“You always were clever, Firehawk.”

 

“Indeed.” Firehawk said. Then, after a brief silence, “Everything I just told you was a lie, sister dear.” Starhawk stared, too shocked to say anything. Firehawk put her hand on the patch of bare skin, before peeling it off, revealing it had just been an elaborately-made sticker.

 

“I made up this whole cover story in case I got captured by you or your allies, in order to gain sympathy.” she said, suppressing a grin.

 

“You mean you didn’t come back to make up with me?!” Starhawk growled, her voice filled with unbridled anger. Firehawk put a hand on her sister’s shoulder.

 

“No. At least, not initially. As I said back at the Juice Bar, I cannot kill you, little sister.” she said, pulling Starhawk into a hug. “I cannot, and I will not.”

 

“What then, Firehawk? What will you do?”

 

“For now...I want to walk through the woods with you, sister dear.” This eased Starhawk, at least for now, and she walked with her sister. After spending a while in the wilderness, the two of them went to see Blackhawk. They found him back at Ebony’s home, drinking a 12-pack of root beers with Toby and listening to one of the latter’s newfound favorite albums: Cruising With Ruben and the Jets by Frank Zappa. Firehawk entered first, shutting off the radio and sitting down in a chair. Toby, no longer high on pot, glared at her.

 

“Hey, put that back on. We were listening to that.”

 

She reached over to the radio, making it look like she was going to turn it on again...before ‘accidentally’ nudging it off the table, causing it to smash on the floor. “Oops.” she said, not sounding remorseful in the slightest. “Guess I pushed it too hard.”

 

“That was my only copy of the album!” shouted Toby in anger, ignoring Blackhawk’s attempt to calm him. “YOU’LL PAY FOR THAT!”

 

“Will I, now? What are you going to do to a poor, defenseless girl like me?” Firehawk taunted.

 

“I’M GOING TO...GOING TO…” Toby screamed, then realized that he, being human, was defenseless against a Hawkian. “...I’m gonna calm down. I can always get another CD.”

 

“Good.” Starhawk said. “If you were to hurt her, Tobias, then you would have to face me. And neither would want that, now would we?”

 

“No…” Toby admitted. “I’m sorry, Firehawk. I shouldn’t have yelled.”

 

“Aww, I was hoping you would try and take me on. Watching my dear sister kick your ass would have been fun.”

 

“Violence is never the answer over petty crap. Right, Blackhawk?” Toby asked.

 

“Hey, don't ask me. I'm still upset Kras’hir didn't ask me to help her beat the snot out of Ebony.”

 

“Anyways, I’m gonna go out to buy three things: more root beer, a new radio, and a new copy of Cruising.” Toby said. “You three behave yourselves, mmkay?” He then went to his room and grabbed a credit card Ebony had given him. With that, he went out the door and walked away, humming a doo-wop melody

 

“Sooo…” Starhawk said. “How are things, Blackhawk?”

 

“Could be better, but they could also be worse.”

 

“Are you and Toby...together, for lack of a better word?”

 

Blackhawk snorted. “As much as I would like to say yes...no. No, we're not. At least, not the way I'd like us to be.”

 

“How would you like to be together, then? You both seemed fine when we walked in, drinking soda and listening to the doo-wop.”

 

“He and Ebony both seem to be convinced the sun shines out of their asses, unfortunately.”

 

“Toby is a fine friend. Why does he seem so attached to Ebony?” Starhawk asked, opening a can of root beer.

 

“It's the drugs talking. Those two are high all the time.”

 

“Then why don’t you get him away from her?” Starhawk asked. “It should be easy enough.”

 

“I don't want to hurt him. I think he is falling for her, just as I fell for him.”

 

“Then what will you do?” Starhawk asked. “Get them off the drugs?”

 

“I don't know.” He said. Firehawk got up, walking over to the window near the table. She lit a cigarette as she looked out, exhaling smoke.

 

“Blackhawk,” Starhawk asked. “What is it about Toby you love?”

 

“His sense of humor. His smile. His personality...I could go on.”

 

“Oh, I think both of us would like to hear your thoughts on the ever so handsome Toby Jones.” Starhawk said, nudging Blackhawk playfully.

 

Firehawk responded, not turning around, “Speak for yourself, Star. I didn't come here to listen to your friend describe his schoolboy crush.”

 

“Well, I would like to help my fellow Hawkian win that schoolboy crush, thank you very much. Now Blackhawk, what else about Toby do you enjoy?”

 

“I've told you enough, I think. Those are the three major things.” At that point, Toby’s pet Pikachu Zappy nuzzled up to Blackhawk.

 

‘Pika?’ he asked, climbing into the root beer box and drinking a few cans. Thankfully, Blackhawk had learned from Toby how to communicate with Pokemon. Zappy had asked where his owner was. Blackhawk told him where Toby had gone, drinking more of his root beer. The Pikachu hopped into his lap, and settled down for a snooze.

 

“Toby has a pet?” Starhawk asked. Blackhawk nodded, stroking Zappy’s head. Toby soon returned with the items he’d bought.

 

“Quite a few, actually.” he said. “All of them Pokemon. And I see my best buddy is sleeping on the lap of the greatest guy I know.”

 

Blackhawk smiled a bit at this. Firehawk put out her cigarette, crushing it between her fingers.

 

“Well.” she said. “This is painfully dull.”

 

Toby looked at her. “We can listen to some music, if you want.”

 

“No thanks. That would bore me even more. It's funny. A week ago, I was being hunted by a team of elite assassins. Now? I'm on Core Earth, spending time with the sister I never thought I'd be able to speak civilly with again.”

 

“Life is funny like that.”

 

She nodded. “I killed those assassins, you know. And their families.”

 

“Whoa.”

 

“I like killing. Death is the only inevitability of life, and I enjoy being the one to usher it in.”

 

“You remind me of a friend of mine and Blackhawk.”

 

“Oh? And who is that?”

 

“Krystal. Her name is Krystal.”

 

She nodded. “Hey, Star?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Is this Krystal a friend of yours, as well?”

 

“She is my girlfriend, actually.”

 

“Oh? I never would have thought you swung that way, dear sister.”

 

“I do, and you have to deal with it.” Starhawk said playfully.

 

“I swing both ways myself, so I am hardly one to judge.”

 

“I think you’d like Krystal.” said Toby.

 

“Why? What's she like?”

 

“Violent, yet noble.”

 

Firehawk nodded, turning back to the window. Toby merely stared at Blackhawk, much to Starhawk’s amusement.

 

“Oh, why don’t you two just kiss already?”

 

“Buh-wuh?” Toby responded, looking at her weirdly.

 

“It is only a joke, Toby.” she said, then muttered, “...mostly.”

 

Blackhawk muttered, “Oh, screw it.” Then, he kissed Toby for all he was worth. The latter blushed intensely, relaxing into the kiss after the initial shock. Blackhawk added tongue, pulling Toby close. Starhawk moved over to the window as the two made out, sitting next to her sister. Firehawk cleared her throat, getting up.

 

“I'm, uh, gonna go outside, because this is getting weird.” she said before exiting the house.

 

“I will join you.” Starhawk said, leaving Toby and Blackhawk alone with each other. It wasn't long before they moved to the bedroom. Firehawk, meanwhile, sat with Starhawk, her eyes closed. “I am happy for those two.” Starhawk said.

 

“Eh.” Firehawk replied, her eyes still shut. They sat in silence, the only sounds coming from Toby’s bedroom. Firehawk began to feel quite sick hearing the two of them going at it. Starhawk noted her discomfort. Firehawk turned to her. “Can we leave now?”

 

“Of course.”

 

The two of them left, going to meet Blackhawk’s mother, at Firehawk’s suggestion. She wanted to see if this woman was truly as terrible as her sister claimed. When they arrived, Mrs. Little greeted them amicably. “Ah, you’re Blackhawk’s girlfriends, yes?”

 

Firehawk raised a brow. “Girlfriends?”

 

“Of course. I knew he’d be a winner, but him having two girlfriends? What luck!”

 

“I just met your son today, lady.” Firehawk said.

 

“Yeah yeah yeah, whatever. Come on in, you two. Would you like to see my, I mean, our trophy room?”

 

“Certainly.” Firehawk replied pleasantly, hiding her annoyance. Mrs. Little told her about how she was glad Blackhawk had two beautiful girlfriends like a winner should, and not any sluts or-dear God!-boyfriends, which offended Starhawk, though she didn’t show it.

 

Firehawk said to her sister, “That story I told you? It wasn't a complete lie. I really did sleep with a Nazi leader. I just never got captured by the SS soldiers under him. In fact, I got fucked by at least fifteen of them.”

 

“Do not let Mrs. Little hear you. She will consider you a slut, and therefore not a winner.”

 

“...Do not tell me her opinion actually means anything to you.”

 

“It...it doesn’t…” Mrs. Little, meanwhile, discussed her greatest ambitions: to court the president of Core Earth, and become the ultimate winner. Firehawk looked at the different trophies, silent.

 

“There are two kinds of people in the world, ladies: winners and losers. I used to be a gawky, ugly loser until I became a winner.”

 

“And how did you do that?” Firehawk asked, her tone flat.

 

“I married a winner and sold his story to Hollywood, of course.” That seemed to explain the overinflated ego.

 

“I consider myself a winner as well, you know.” Firehawk replied.

 

“Of course. You’re dating my son.”

 

“No, that's not it. I consider myself a winner due to my own deeds.”

 

“Got any trophies to show it?”

 

“Certainly. The trail of bodies I have left behind in my travels. The families I have slaughtered. The rulers I have assassinated. The worlds I have conquered. The fear I have inspired in the populations of countless worlds.” Firehawk could see fear in Mrs. Little’s eyes.

 

“Those aren’t trophies…”

 

Firehawk laughed mockingly. “Do you really think these worthless awards you have acquired mean anything?”

 

She picked one up at random from the case, looking at what it was for. Baseball. “Did one of your sons earn this? Or did you?”

 

“My husband Ace did...b-but I ditched that loser…” she replied, even more afraid. “...why do you ask…?”

 

“Why was he a loser, hmmm? Was he into men? Promiscuous? A drinker?”

 

“He lost a martial arts tournament.” How petty. “...though him being into men would have made him more of a loser.”

 

“I've slept with women. Does that make me a loser?”

 

“Yes. Get. Out.”

 

“You stupid. Nazi. Bitch.”

 

“I’m not a Nazi. I. AM. A. WINNER.”

 

Firehawk, without changing her expression, backhanded Mrs. Little. She fell, clutching her cheek. “YOU DON’T DESERVE MY SON! ONLY YOUR SISTER DOES!” she screeched.

 

“Your son.” Firehawk said, her voice seething with barely-restrained anger. “Is in bed with one of his male friends right now. They are expressing more love and compassion right now than you ever will in your entire life.”

 

“STOP LYING, YOU LOSER WHORE!”

 

Firehawk turned to her sister. “Star?”

 

“He is, indeed, bisexual. And by the way...I swing the other way.” This caused Mrs. Little to scream at her in Hawkian. Firehawk clasped her hands together behind her back, saying to Starhawk, “Restrain me, will you? Because if you don't, I'm going to see if it is actually possible to tear out someone’s kidneys with my bare hands.” She nodded, and held her back.

 

“...You will be my son’s girlfriend, Starhawk. He will be a winner. You nor your sister can stop me.”

 

Firehawk didn't need to see Starhawk to know how enraged her sister was getting. “In a minute, I might need to restrain you.”

 

“Please, sister dear.”

 

Firehawk did, keeping her sister from leaping on Mrs. Little and ripping out her throat.

 

“You will make my son a winner…” Mrs. Little hissed. “...even if I must force it.”

 

That was the final straw. Firehawk let Starhawk go, before she leapt on Mrs. Little. The ferocious beating that followed lasted five minutes. Starhawk swore fiercely, and when the beatings were over, Mrs. Little only smirked. Firehawk hissed, “What are you grinning about?”

 

“Blackhawk will be a winner...if he wants my love and respect.” she stated. “Now get out.”

 

Firehawk kicked her in the head, knocking Mrs. Little unconscious. “Sleep well, you uptight cunt.”

 

“Well, that was a disaster.” said Starhawk, who went back to Ebony’s home to tell Blackhawk what his mother had said. Firehawk arrived just after her, the unconscious Mrs. Little thrown over her shoulder.

 

“...You’re shitting me.” Toby deadpanned, his voice seething. “She really said that?”

 

“Yes, and she is still intent on making Blackhawk love me.” Starhawk said.

 

Blackhawk walked over to his mother, who had been dropped on the floor by Firehawk. He began roughly shaking her. “Wake the fuck up.”

 

“Mrrr...hmmm?” she groaned, looking around groggily. “Blackhawk?”

 

“Yep. It's me.” He said angrily.

 

“What are you doing sleeping with some boy?” she growled. Blackhawk’s eye twitched, his fists clenching.

 

“You wouldn’t punch your own mother, dear...now would you?” she taunted.

 

“...Your son and I are Power Rangers.” Toby said. “So, you’re pretty outmatched, lady.”

 

“Am I now?” Mrs. Little continued. “Come on, Blackhawk. Let’s make you a winner.” That was when Toby launched himself at her, Zappy joining in with lightning attacks. Firehawk caught them both, hauling them back like disobedient children.

 

“This is not your fight. It is Blackhawk’s.” she said. The Hawkian in question said softly, “You're right, mom. I won't punch you.”

 

“You won’t? Just like your father. Not man enough.”

 

He promptly kicked her hard in the throat. “ACK!” she choked out, coughing heavily. He said, smiling dangerously, “I kept my word. I didn't punch you.”

 

“Touche...you’re still a loser, however…”

 

“No, I'm not.”

 

“If you weren’t, you would be with a girl instead of this experimental bullshit.” she said, venom in her voice. “So, get with Starhawk and be a winner. Now.”

 

“Starhawk has two girlfriends. Why don't you run this idea past them and see how they take it?”

 

“I will. Where are they?”

 

Blackhawk turned to Starhawk. Starhawk gave her Usagi and Kras’hir’s address, and like an idiot, she took the bait. Mrs. Little, when she got there, smugly proposed her idea. Kras’hir looked at Usagi, before cracking up. “Why are you laughing?” Mrs. Little protested. “It’s a good idea.”

 

“Says you.” Usagi snorted. Kras’hir put an arm around her girfriend, laughing harder.

 

“Seriously, is there a joke I’m not getting?” Mrs. Little asked.

 

“Actually, yes.” said Usagi. “Your idea to break up our relationship is hilarious, all so you can satisfy your ego.”

 

“Seriously, why Starhawk? I mean, I get why you would want him to date someone like her, but why does it have to be her, and no one else?” Kras’hir asked.

 

“Because she’s a winner sort of girl, and lesbians are LOSERS.” ...Uh-oh, Usagi realized. This wasn’t going to end well. At all. Kras’hir didn't get angry, though. She simply continued laughing.

 

“...If you won’t take this seriously, then I’m leaving.”

 

“Why would I take you seriously?” Kras’hir asked.

 

“Because I’m upper-class?”

 

“So is my girlfriend. Both of them, actually.”

 

“...” Mrs. Little said nothing. She had discussed her plan in Undyne and Alphys’s apartment. Right in front of them. Which meant that there were now four people glaring at her.

 

“Alphys?” said Undyne. “If you will?”

 

Alphys gently gripped her girlfriend’s shoulders, keeping her calm and restraining her from leaping at Mrs. Little.

 

“Get. Out.” growled Undyne.

 

“No, no.” Kras’hir said. “I'm quite interested in the rest of this plan. What if Starhawk refuses to break up with us? What will you do then?”

 

“...I will force Blackhawk to be with her.” This sent Undyne into a frenzy, only restrained by Alphys.

 

“That's not love.” Kras’hir said, her previous amusement gone. “That's rape.”

 

“Says who?”

 

Kras’hir was shaking with rage, too angry to speak. “Leave.” ordered Undyne.

 

“No, loser.” Undyne now had to restrain Alphys. Kras’hir removed her ring. She snarled, her voice now much more imposing, “Leave, or by the Gods, I will make you leave.”

 

“You don’t scare me.” Mrs. Little said, unnerved.

 

“Liar.” Kras’hir said. “I know fear when I hear it.”

 

“Stay away from me!”

 

“I only fight the strong, and you, whelp, are not strong.”

 

“So you’ll leave me be to make my son a winner…?”

 

“No. You try and force my girlfriend to date your son and I will disembowel you. Slowly.”

 

“He will be a winner. No one can stop me.”

 

Kras’hir threw her out the window, sending her sailing across the city.  She literally flew back to her house, scared out of her wits deep down. Kras’hir made sure she wasn't coming back, before putting the ring back on and sitting down with Usagi.

 

“Rotten lousy bitch.” Usagi said. Kras’hir nodded.

 

“Aye. A real piece of work, that one.”

 

“I wanna strangle her.” said Undyne.

 

“Get in line.” Alphys said angrily.

 

“Gladly.”

 

“I’m just worried about what Blackhawk will think.” said Usagi. Her thoughts were interrupted by her communicator beeping. “What is it, Omnus?”

 

He replied, his tone one of panic and concern, “Sally is missing.”

 

The color drained out of Usagi’s face. “...She can’t be missing. What happened?”

 

“As you know, Alpha and I were keeping an eye on her. She asked if she could use the bathroom, which I, of course, let her do. Twenty minutes passed, and she still hadn't returned.”

 

“...Do you know who took her?”

 

“No. If I did, we wouldn't be speaking. I would be going after her kidnapper myself.”

 

Usagi shut off the communicator, and morphed into her White Ranger form. With a yell, she jumped out of a window and landed on a nearby building. A thud came from behind her, before the now familiar voice of Angron rumbled, “What troubles you, little sister?”

 

“Sally’s been kidnapped. I’m going to find the bastard who took her.”

 

“Do you have any idea who might have done it?”

 

“Abaddon.” Usagi realized. “...Not the Warmaster, dear brother. The youma.”

 

“What of Firehawk, the sister of your paramour, Starhawk? She is well-known for acts of evil and cruelty.”

 

“What use would she have for a three-year old, Angron?”

 

“Sally Anne would make a useful hostage. If Firehawk threatened Sally with death and pain, you would do anything she asked, wouldn't you?” Usagi shuddered at the thought of her adopted sister being hurt, and nodded.

 

“Good point.” she said, before teleporting to Blackhawk’s house. After knocking at the door for a minute, Toby answered, much to her surprise.

 

“Usagi, what are you doing here?”

 

“Sally Anne’s been kidnapped.” she replied. “Is Firehawk still here?”

 

“You’re talking to the wrong guy. I just got done doing...things...with Blackhawk, so I wouldn’t know. Ask him.” Usagi nodded, entering the house and walking to Blackhawk’s room.

 

“Blackhawk, I don’t know if you heard or not…” she began. “But Sally’s been kidnapped.”

 

His eyes widened. “Do you know who did it?”

 

“Angron says it might be Firehawk.” she said.

 

“No…” Toby said slowly. “Are you sure it’s her?”

 

“I don’t know. I think it’s Abaddon. But I stopped by to see if Firehawk was still here in case she had an alibi.”

 

Firehawk spoke from behind her, “You know that old saying: ‘Speak of the Devil, and he shall appear.’”

 

Usagi turned around and whispered harshly, “Did you kidnap Sally Anne?” She then drew the Full Moon Blade. “Answer truthfully.”

 

“...Who in the name of the Gods both old and new is Sally Anne?” Usagi demorphed, and explained the situation.

 

“My brother, the Primarch Angron, honestly thought it would be you.”

 

“He is not wrong in that assumption. I have done similar things in the past.”

 

“That isn’t helping your case, Firehawk.” Toby said. “But you have an alibi, and that’s what matters.”

 

“What were you doing when I came in, anyway?” Usagi asked Firehawk.

 

“Honestly? Pleasuring myself in a spare bedroom.”

 

“Gross.” said Usagi, who was visibly blushing.

 

“Hey, it could’ve been worse.” Toby said. “She could’ve been with Starhaw-” Usagi then punched him. “...Ow…”

 

Firehawk grinned. “I mean, Hawkian royal families often preferred to keep it...in the family, if you know what I mean.” She said, winking at her sister. Starhawk blushed, but winked back.

 

“Now, Sally Anne’s been kidnapped?” Starhawk said, getting out her Turbo Morpher. Usagi nodded. Firehawk sat down in a chair, crossing her arms.

 

“So the great and powerful Omnus is just as fallible as I suspected…” she muttered to herself.

 

“Don’t go blaming him for this.” Usagi warned. “She was going to use the bathroom, and the next thing he knows, she’s gone.”

 

“So you mean to tell me there were no security systems that could have detected the intruder? No alarms, no cameras, nothing?”

 

“There are, but it seems the intruder was able to circumvent them.” Toby said.

 

“And how do you know these things?” Starhawk questioned.

 

“Blue Ranger, duh. I’m naturally inclined to be the group’s resident brains, for whatever reason. Don’t ask.”

 

This made Firehawk laugh. Hard.

 

“What’s so funny?” Starhawk asked. “I am a Ranger too, don’t forget that, sister dear.”

 

“Albeit an auxiliary one.” Toby pointed out.

 

Firehawk replied, completely serious, “My sister could fight all of the battles your team has by herself. You see, before coming here, I studied the Power Rangers quite extensively. ‘Know thine enemy’, and all that. Quite honestly, I was unimpressed with the current team.”

 

“Which is us.” Toby deadpanned. “Thanks for the compliment.”

 

“I will compliment you, Tobias Jones, when you stop acting like a brain-dead child.” Firehawk snapped.

 

“I DO NOT act like a brain-dead child!” Toby protested.

 

“Really, now? So, tell me, how exactly does smoking ludicrous amounts of marijuana every day make you a better warrior?”

 

“Erm…” Toby said, looking at Blackhawk.

 

“Don't look at me. I agree with her.”

 

“Says the guy who’s former summer camp is now an effective hippie and nudist commune.”

 

Firehawk interrupted before Blackhawk could reply, “You are just proving my point.”

 

“You know,” said Usagi. “I think you and Toby should go back there at some point if you feel that Toby needs a different form of rehab; getting back to nature and socializing, ya know, Blackhawk?”

 

Firehawk cut him off a second time, much to his irritation, “It is good you spoke, Usagi Tsukino. It gives me the perfect chance to discuss your flaws.”

 

“My flaws?!” Usagi said. “I don’t have time for this. I need to go find my sister.”

 

“I'll tell you how this will go. You will charge blindly after whoever kidnapped little Sally. The kidnapper, or kidnappers, will likely expect this, and set a trap. You will run straight into it, get yourself killed, and leave Sally at the mercy of whoever took her.”

 

Usagi realized that Firehawk had a point. “...What would you suggest?”

 

“Don't take the bait.”

 

“And let her be at Abaddon’s mercy?!” Usagi screeched.

 

“You see, that is your problem. You assume you know who took her. What if Abaddon didn't take her, hmm? What if you went after him, thinking he had, and this allows him to capture or kill you? He would decapitate your team in one stroke, leaving the Rangers with no leader.”

 

“Then what do you suggest I do, oh incestuous princess of the Hawkians?” Usagi asked sarcastically. This made Firehawk angry. The Hawkian grabbed her by the throat and hauled her into the air.

 

“Listen to me, Sailor Moon, and listen well. I am attempting to help you find Sally Anne. I am doing this because I believe it to be the right thing to do. I do not need you to insult and mock me while I attempt to help you.” She hissed, before letting Usagi go. Starhawk placed her hands on Firehawk’s shoulders and rubbed them in an effort to relax her.

 

“...Then what do you suggest I do?” Usagi asked.

 

“Get your Daemon girlfriend to seek out where she is through mental contact. She's a psychic, remember?” Firehawk replied, leaning back against her sister and closing her eyes. Usagi nodded, and contacted Kras’hir.

 

“Seriously, this subtext between you two is disturbing.” Toby said to Starhawk. “And besides, aren’t you, Usagi, and Kras’hir in a relationship already?”

 

“Yes, and your point is…? There is nothing between my sister and I.” Starhawk said. Toby just sighed, and rolled his eyes.

 

Firehawk said, not opening hers, “Roll your eyes again, Toby, and you lose them. All jokes about incest aside, my sister and I share a bond that only siblings can. I trust her with my life, and all of my darkest secrets, things I wouldn't tell anyone else. I am sure she feels the same towards me.”

 

“Yeah, she feels something alri-” Toby said, before being punched by Blackhawk of all people. “OW! What was that for?!”

 

“You make such a crude comment about Star again, I'll emasculate you, my feelings be damned.”

 

“You’ll make me more masculine? HELL YEAH!”

 

“...He means to cut off your balls, stupid.” Usagi said.

 

“Oh.” Toby said. “In that case, I’ll be a good boy, I promise.”

 

Firehawk snorted, still leaning on her sister. Ten minutes later, Kras’hir arrived. “I found little Sally.” She said as she entered. “I found our daughter.”

 

The Daemoness caught what she had said a second too late, her eyes widening.

 

“Daughter?” Toby asked. “I thought she was your sister…?”

 

“I don't consider her to be a sister.” Kras’hir admitted. “I consider myself her mother.”

 

“Kras’hir, I never knew you thought of her that way.” said Usagi. “In any case, where is she? Who took her?!”

 

“Some cunt calling herself...what was it?...Vipera.” This sent chills down Usagi’s spine. No...she couldn’t have returned, could she?

 

“Vipera…” Toby said, looking at Blackhawk. “She’s back…”

 

Blackhawk could only nod in response, shock in his eyes.

 

Meanwhile, Vipera, sitting on her throne, regarded her new captive. Sally did not react the way she expected to being kidnapped. She was oddly calm, almost like she thought it was a game. Vipera thought her demeanor was eerily reminiscent of Hedrian.

 

“This is a fun game, Mrs. Lady!” she said. “When can I go home?”

 

“Empress.” Vipera corrected her for the third time. “And you can go home when I say so.”

 

“Okay, Mrs. Empress Lady!” Sally replied. “Can I at least get a snack, maybe apple juice?”

 

“On it, boss!” came Kraky’s voice, handing an entire package of Oreos and a large bottle of apple juice to Sally. “This’ll keep you quiet, at least for awhile.”

 

Vipera muttered, “Thank the Gods…”

 

“I enjoy children.” Kraky said.

 

“That’s because you are one!” shouted Circe, who was creating something in her cauldron.

 

“Quiet, Miss Piggy!” Sally said. “Or you’ll be in trouble with Mrs. Empress Lady!”

 

“Why you little-” Circe began, before several Imps restrained her. Vipera waved them away.

 

“Oh, you all can go. Circe wouldn't dream of harming our guest, would she?”

 

“Yes! I-I mean, no! I wouldn’t want to become dinner at the next feast!” Circe squealed in terror. Vipera grinned.

 

“Good. Now, Sally Anne, how are you feeling?”

 

“Fine, now that I have cookies and apple juice.” Sally replied.

 

“I just realized something, boss.” said Kraky. “What if the Power Rangers come and save her?”

 

Vipera laughed. “Have you seen our defenses, Kraky?”

 

“Yes, but what about this mysterious Kras’hir Sally mentioned? That sounds like a Daemon’s name.”

 

Vipera stopped laughing, looking at Sally. “Can you tell me about this Kras’hir?” Sally did, and it was clear to Vipera that Kras’hir was more than a normal Daemon. She was a Daemon Prince of Khorne, an effective demigoddess of war. She let loose a chain of extremely vulgar curse words, getting up and pacing.

 

“May I suggest something?” Circe said. “Why not send a monster and some Imps to distract the Rangers? We can use the formula of battle to our advantage.”

 

“That isn’t that bad of an idea.” Kraky said. “While the Rangers battle the monster, we can make our escape, with little Sally coming along.”

 

“No.” spoke a female voice that wasn't Vipera, coming from an unknown source. “Little Sally will be released, or you will face my wrath.”

 

“Who are you?” Circe asked, though Sally gave the answer right away.

 

“Kras’hir! Meet Mrs. Empress Lady. She’s been real nice to me while we play games.”

 

Vipera was indignant. “This child is insane!”

 

Kras’hir chuckled. “Course she is. Oh, and someone else would like to speak, someone you all know personally, I've heard.”

 

Firehawk then spoke, her voice calm and flat, “Hello, Empress Vipera.”

 

Vipera’s eyes widened. “You…”

 

Circe stood in terror, Kraky beside her. “...The Necron Prophet…” the latter whispered.

 

“Indeed. I am also known as the Death Bride, the Lady of Darkness, the Queen of Dynasties, the Harbinger of Apocalypse, the One Who Shall Rule, the Machine Priestess. All who hear my name tremble, and rightly so.”

 

“What do you want?” the Zero Girls asked collectively.

 

“Release Sally Anne. Now.”

 

Vipera replied, her tone angry and irritated, “No.”

 

“We’re taking her with us.” said Circe. “...And making her princess of the Tauran Empire.”

 

“Not if I have anything to say about it.” said Usagi, who stepped into the room...with the other Rangers.

 

Vipera said, her tone bored, “Computer, initiate defense protocol Omega. Activation code: 1745329.”

 

“What protocol is that again?” Circe asked. She got her answer when all of the Rangers, save for Usagi and Starhawk, who were able to dodge, were instantly locked inside secure, small cages.

 

“Hey, what gives?” said Lettuce. “I’m not a zoo animal!”

 

“Kinky.” deadpanned Ebony.

 

“Just what I needed: a nice cage added to my day.” Toby said.

 

“You won’t get away with this!” shouted Naruto.

 

“Oh, SHUT UP!” Vipera shouted, before pressing a button. The floor of the cages became electrified, forcing the imprisoned Rangers to hang on to the top for dear life. Firehawk and Kras’hir then entered the room. Firehawk was now wearing purple and black battle armor, complete with a long flowing cape. She advanced on Vipera and her allies with steady stride, her expression unreadable.

 

“Get away!” shouted 01 in fright. “We will do as you ask!”

 

“Give us the girl.” Starhawk said, morphing into her Phantom Ranger form. “And we will go.”

 

“Mrs. Empress Lady…” Sally whined. “This game isn’t fun anymore…”

 

Firehawk acted before anymore could be said, crossing the room and snapping 01’s neck in one fluid motion. Her neck was not twisted far enough to kill her, however, but more than far enough to leave her paralyzed. 02, 03, and 04 did nothing, too afraid to say anything.

 

“Now,” said Starhawk. “Will you let Sally go, Empress Vipera?”

 

Vipera rose from her throne, before extending her left arm. Instantly, the weapon gifted to her by the Warmaster flew into her hand. This, in turn, led to her armor coming to her and assembling on her. The Empress extended her weapon, currently in spear form, and said calmly, “I will let her go when I am dead.”

 

“So, that is how we’ll play it, hmm?” Starhawk said. “En garde.”

 

The two of them dueled, their clashing blades the only sound that could be heard in the throne room. Starhawk was a warrior, first and foremost, and her blade was far superior to Vipera’s to boot.

 

“You are naught more than a vain Caligula.” she taunted. “HAVE AT YOU!”

 

Vipera was far from harmless, despite her lack of training as a warrior. She made up for her lack of experience with steady strikes and cool, icy calm. Starhawk looked at Usagi, and mouthed, “Go. Free Sally and leave, quickly.” Usagi nodded, unsheathing the Full Moon Blade once more, destroying Sally’s cage with it and scooping her up. Holding the toddler in one arm and slashing at the Imps with the other, Usagi destroyed the cages that held her teammates once she got to them. Starhawk, meanwhile, had paid for her moment of distraction, as Vipera had slashed her across the face with her spear. The Empress turned towards Usagi, throwing her spear into the latter’s back. Toby, Lettuce, and Blackhawk caught her, Usagi slowly bleeding out.

 

“Usagi…” Lettuce said. “You’re bleeding…”

 

“That’s OK.” she assured them, slowly pulling it out. “I swore myself to Khorne, remember?” Usagi then called on the Blood God for His blessing, and her Mark glowed. With a loud, unearthly yell, she threw the spear back at Vipera, cracking the latter’s armor. Firehawk, meanwhile, was fighting the Zero Girls. 02 launched her weaponized playing cards at her, smirking. Firehawk grinned back at her, winking, before casually dodging each card.

 

“Impressive.” said 02. “You are far more capable than the last time we met, Firehawk.” 03 went next, attempting to slash at her with double swords. She was astonished at Firehawk’s casual dodging, so 04 attempted to bind her with the weaponized yo-yos she carried. Unfortunately, she found herself bound by them instead. Firehawk snickered, not even remotely intimidated by them. While the battle went on, the now-free Rangers stared down Vipera before the main team aside from Usagi morphed in order: Naruto, Toby, Lettuce, Pinkie, Ebony, and Blackhawk.

 

“You’re outmatched, Vipera.” said Naruto. “Let us leave with Sally, and you won’t be pummeled.”

 

“Yeah.” agreed Ebony. “It’s a fairly simple choice, so I suggest doing it the easy way.”

 

“You mean like how you got by through wizarding school?” Toby quipped.

 

“No time for jokes.” Usagi reprimanded. “Now, make your choice, Vipera. The easy way - you let us go with my little sister; or the hard way - we kick your ass.”

 

“May I suggest the easy way?” asked Kraky. “Just look at those weapons. Those look like ones from the Imperium.” Circe slapped him.

 

“Or there’s an even harder way: Usagi here calls on her big brother.” Naruto said, presenting a third option.

 

Vipera snorted. “You are not the only ones who are allies with a Primarch. Who do you think gifted me with this armor and weapon? The Warmaster rewards those who do what he desires well.”

 

Usagi snorted. “Does it look like I care. No. Now make your choice.”

 

“You will care when you learn what Abaddon is planning: A Black Crusade. You kill me, he will set his plans in motion that much sooner, and Core Earth will be nothing but ash and bone long before the Necrons arrive.”

 

“So let us leave peacefully.” Usagi urged. “Then we won’t kill you.”

 

Vipera took out her final gift from Abaddon: The summoning stone. She regarded it, running her fingers along the edges, but before she could use it, Firehawk struck, blasting the stone out of her hand.

 

“Now’s your chance!” yelled Ebony. “KILL HER!”

 

“...No.” Usagi said, looking at the others. “All of you. Stand back.”

 

All of them did. All of them, that is, save for Firehawk, who continued her advance towards Vipera and her allies. “Do not harm them.” Usagi hissed. “I will take care of this.” Slowly striding towards them, Usagi prayed for the Emperor to send her foes into the Warp, then threw the Full Moon Blade at the wall behind Vipera’s throne. Firehawk caught it, before turning back towards Usagi.

 

“Stay out of this, you foolish child.” She growled, tossing the sword back to Usagi. She then took a small device out of her armor, pressed a button, and dropped it at the foot of the throne.

 

“What, exactly, is that supposed to do?” Kraky asked.

 

“It's a homing beacon. Care to guess who is receiving that signal?” Firehawk asked as the device began beeping.

 

“You got any idea, Circe?” The pig woman shook her head.

 

“What about you, my Empress?” she asked. Truly, these two were dumber than bricks.

 

“Necrons…?” Usagi guessed with horror.

 

“Yes. The Stormlord is coming…” Firehawk said, her voice trailing off ominously.

 

“Sister...they’ll kill us all…” Starhawk said. “Don’t you realize what you’re doing?!”

 

“That is why you and your friends will hide, and observe.” Firehawk replied, her voice serene and calm. Usagi nodded, and ordered the other Rangers to hide. They complied and observed as Circe, Kraky, and the Zero Girls began to panic. Vipera was eerily unafraid, sitting down on her throne and not moving. She said, “02, 03, and 04, get into defensive positions. Circe, conjure the strongest shield you can. I know how often you have been practicing barrier spells. Kraky, assist her.”

 

“But these are Necrons…” Kraky insisted, still afraid.

 

“Yes, they are, but they, like any other enemy, can be delayed and driven back. After all, there is one more among us who will have a part to play. Lightning, dear? Do you recall the plan we discussed, in case Imotekh ever came for us?”

 

“Yes, my lady. Now it is time for action.” Lightning Galaxy, who had been sitting beside her Empress and (more shockingly) lover the entire time. Slowly rising, she loaded her pistols and holstered them. Circe set to work with Kraky, while the remaining Zero Girls gathered around Lightning Galaxy. Vipera rose from her throne, walking over to where 01 had fallen. She snapped her neck back into the proper position, allowing 01 to move once again. Vipera helped the Zero Girl stand, handing the latter her weapon. “Join the others, 01. There is work to be done.”

 

“Ja, uberlegen. I will follow you to the end of my days.” 01 replied, taking Vipera’s weapon and joining her comrades. Vipera wouldn't need it. She had other tricks up her sleeve. Befpre she could return to her throne, thumping footsteps echoed. Kras’hir had emerged. She walked over to where the Zero Girls were...before nodding at each of them in turn and turning towards the entrance.

 

“Where are you going, Kras’hir?” hissed Usagi.

 

“I don't like Vipera or any of her lackies, but there is fighting to be done, and I will not stand by and watch while it happens.” Kras’hir responded, noting with amusement the offended looks she received from the Zero Girls. Sally looked at her, tears in her eyes.

 

“Don’t go, mommy…” she said. “I’ll miss you…” Usagi was surprised by what Sally had called Kras’hir. Kras’hir blinked, genuinely confused.

 

“I'm not going anywhere. The Necrons are going to enter this room, and this is where the fighting will be.”

 

She noticed this didn't make Sally feel any better, so she said softly, “Know this, little one: Everything I do, I do to keep you safe. Do you understand?”

 

“Yes. I love you, mommy…”

 

The Daemoness knew that her resolve would break if she kept looking at Sally, so she turned away. She drew her weapons, giving each of them a few swings. Sally buried her face into Usagi’s shoulder, the latter trying to comfort her. The little girl whispered something, and Usagi relayed a message to Kras’hir:

 

“Have some Oreos for luck.” The White Ranger offered Kras’hir several cookies, and had mysteriously filled the Daemoness’ flask with apple juice. Kras’hir did as Sally requested. She then, to bolster the resolve of both herself and her temporary allies, recited a bit of poetry.

 

“Hew down the bridge, Sir Consul,
With all the speed ye may;
I, with two more to help me,
Will hold the foe in play.
In yon strait path a thousand
May well be stopped by three.
Now who will stand on either hand,
And keep the bridge with me?"

 

“How appropriate.” remarked 01. “It does indeed boost my morale and resolve.”

 

“There is a saying amongst Daemons of Khorne. Only cowards die lying down. Tell me: Would you rather be on your knees, and die for nothing? Or on your feet, and die for something?”

 

“We Zero Girls were created to die for something: Fuhrer Saturn. And our commander Vipera. Is that answer satisfactory enough?”

 

“No. Being willing to die for a leader you admire is well and good, but only if you choose to. You four were created to.”

 

“And where is the problem in that?”

 

“Soldiers who go to their deaths because they were created to are little more than mindless drones, acting as ordered. There is no belief, no spirit, no conviction. You four don't even care about each other, do you?”

 

“We do.” answered 01. “We are more than drones. We are comrades. Sisters.”

 

“The enemy that is coming does not care about the bonds you have formed. They are truly drones, machines meant for war and conquest. They think that organic life forms are weak and flawed, meant only for being purged from the face of the galaxy. Today is the day we prove them wrong. Are you with me?”

 

“We are with you.” 01 said. “Sisters?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Ja.”

 

For Kras’hir, that wasn't good enough. The blood of a warrior needed to boil before combat began. She didn't want the Zero Girls to speak; she wanted them to howl.

 

“I didn't hear you! I said, ARE YOU WITH ME?!”

 

“JA, KOMMANDANT!” they replied. Vipera noted, unhappy, that, in an instant, she had just lost their service and loyalty. They had a new commander now, and the Empress could do nothing about it.

 

Kras’hir said to the four who stood behind her, “Follow me, and I will give you worthy foes to fight. Will you do it? Will you follow me from this day, to your last day?”

 

“YES, KOMMANDANT! WE, THE ZERO GIRLS, SWEAR LOYALTY TO YOU!”

 

Kras’hir grinned. A moment later, the Necrons began arriving. The shield protecting the doors began taking heavy fire, Gauss rounds hitting it and going off, causing a rather eerie light show. The Zero Girls stood in position, their weapons ready. “We are ready when you are.” said 01.

 

“Show me the weapons you wield, so I may decide how to put the four of you to work.” Kras’hir commanded. 01 presented her spear, 02 her cards, 03 her double swords, and 04 her yo-yos. Kras’hir nodded.

 

“04, you will wait by the doors until the shield breaks, then begin trapping Necrons with your yo-yos. 02, once she does this, you will begin disabling them with your cards. 01 and 03, you two will stay by my side, and fight with me once the Necrons break through.”

 

“Understood.” they said, and got into position. Vipera could do nothing but watch. She knew that the Zero Girls would ignore any orders she gave, so she didn't bother trying. It certainly came as a surprise to the Rangers, who were still hiding, that 01, 02, 03 and 04 were moving like an elite military unit, considering how easy dealing with the four of them had been in the past. Circe knew that when, not if, the Necrons were defeated, she, Kraky, Lightning Galaxy, and Vipera would be dealt with. All she could do was maintain the shield and dread when that moment came. Firehawk, meanwhile, stood on the other side of the room, leaning against the wall, content to watch.

 

Soon enough, the shield finally shattered, and the Necrons began marching in. They moved in perfect harmony, their march uniform and unwavering. The Zero Girls worked in perfect formation, carrying out their duties with terrifying efficiency. It was abundantly clear that the only reason they had ever seemed like a joke was due to Vipera being their commander. Now the Rangers could see exactly why they were considered the best spies and assassins of the Black Magma Empire. Under the right leader, such as Kras’hir or Fuhrer Saturn, they were terrifying.

 

Once the Necrons made it past 04 and 02, Kras’hir ordered the two of them back to her side. 02 and 04 soon joined their sisters in battle, striking at their foes with all their might. The five of them fought the Necrons to a stalemate, fighting with enough discipline and ferocity to keep the machines from reaching the throne. Lightning Galaxy was blown away by the efficiency. It now made perfect sense that Vipera was not putting the Zero Girls to their best work. Still, she decided, she would not betray her Empress. Instead, she began firing at the five, laser beams flying at them. The Zero Girls easily redirected the lasers back, not taking their eyes away from the Necrons. The fighting continued, neither side gaining much ground. Lightning Galaxy stared at Vipera, confused as to what they should do next. Vipera didn't say anything, instead continuing to watch, unintentionally emulating Firehawk. 01 threw her spear straight into the lead Necron’s head, shattering it. The Necron promptly exploded, knocking several others back. 01 picked up her spear, and impaled the knocked-back Necrons with it. Upon doing this, she jumped back into her posse.

 

Kras’hir laughed as she cut Necrons down, the combat as enjoyable for her as ever. Circe and Kraky grew more and more afraid with each Necron killed. It soon became clear Imotekh hadn't come. The Stormlord had considered the assault to be not worth his time. When Lightning Galaxy realized this, she swore. Any hopes of the two sides wiping each other out had just been reduced. Once the assault was wiped out entirely, Circe and Kraky realized the dreaded moment of judgement had come. Usagi stepped out of the shadows, ready to make Vipera pay for kidnapping Sally. “Hm...how will I deal with you, Empress? I cannot kill you, nor let you off the hook so easily.”

 

Vipera regarded the Zero Girls. “I never expected the four of you to betray me so easily.”

 

“You misused us, made us less efficient.” 01 pointed out. “We betrayed you so easily because Kras’hir gave us an opportunity.”

 

“Yes.” agreed 02. “We are now, for lack of a better term, with the good guys.”

 

Kras’hir snorted. “Stick with me for long enough, and you'll reconsider whether you have truly joined the good guys.”

 

“Fair point.” said 03. “...Where is 04?”

 

Their question was answered when they found her making out with Ebony, much to Toby’s chagrin. “...I swear, everyone’s attracted to her.” said Naruto. Kras’hir pulled 04 away.

 

“Awww, I was having fuuun…” she whined. Kras’hir swatted the back of her head.

 

“Remember yourself, soldier.”

 

“Yes, Kommandant.” She then slyly winked at Ebony, who winked back. 01 slapped her sister once more.

 

“Now.” said 02. “What will be done with our former commander, the oh-so mighty Vipera?”

 

“What, indeed.” Kras’hir murmered.

 

“I was going to banish her into the Warp, just as Diabolica was.” said Usagi. “Fitting, yeah?”

 

“Agreed.” said 01. “Mein kommandant?” She turned to Kras’hir. The Daemoness considered it.

 

“I was thinking we cut off her hands, then cast her in. Oh, and her feet, too.”

 

“Gladly.” said Usagi, who slowly walked up to Vipera with the Full Moon Blade raised. With a stoic expression, she cut off Vipera’s limbs, then she prayed to the Emperor, gesturing for everyone to stand back. She then performed the same action from earlier, this time uninterrupted. In an instant, Vipera vanished. The others vanished into the Warp shortly thereafter, seemingly to follow their Empress into an eternal hellscape.

 

Usagi demorphed, as did Starhawk and the other Rangers. “Can we go home now?” asked Sally Anne.

 

“Of course.” said Usagi, holding the toddler in her arms. They all returned to Coastal Falls. Upon arriving, Kras’hir turned to the Zero Girls.

 

“You all fought with courage, strength, and conviction. It pleases me to call the four of you my sisters-in-arms.”

 

“As do we.” 01 said. “In return, you have become an honorary Zero Girl.”

 

“ZERO GIRL 05! HEIL KRAS’HIR!” the other three said. Lettuce, Naruto, Toby, and Ebony noted how awkward this seemed. Kras’hir pulled the four of them into what could only be described as a bear hug, though she was still (mostly) gentle. The Zero Girls were caught off-guard, having never experienced any sort of affection from a commander before. She held the four of them close, before letting them go and embracing each Zero Girl in turn. After a bit, the Zero Girls each hugged her, seeing that Kras’hir saw them as more than just pawns or subordinates. Kras’hir then said, “I see the four of you as more than just subordinates, soldiers to be used and discarded at a moment's notice. I see you all as comrades, soldiers I would gladly trust with my life.”

 

“Thank you.” said 04. “That means a lot. We were raised as a collective, not as individuals. So decreed Hell Saturn, Fuhrer of Black Magma.”

 

“But,” said 02. “Perhaps under your command, we can become individuals.”

 

“I want each of you to tell me something: What do you wish to do with your life?”

 

“We do not know.” said 01. “We were never raised with a purpose outside of serving the Fuhrer and his empire.”

 

Kras’hir looked each of them over, properly taking in their appearances for the first time. They were all identical, save for their jumpsuit colors. All of them were young Asian women. The Daemoness noted the lack of any scars on their bodies. This was in stark contrast to herself. Her skin was an art gallery of scar tissue.

 

“Will you give us a purpose?” asked 01. “Perhaps even...identities?”

 

“From this point forward, you four will no longer be known by numbers. You will have names, names that each of you choose for yourselves.” This concept seemed foreign to them, though at the same time, it was something they all wanted.

 

“We will get names?” 01 asked. Kras’hir nodded. “Then I wish to be called Eva.”

 

Kras’hir nodded. “Then Eva you will be called.”

 

“May I be called Thea?” 02 asked.

 

“You may, Thea.”

 

03 thought about her name for a while. She then said, “I wish to be known as Nena.”

 

“And I will be henceforth known as Hedy.” said 04.

 

Kras’hir nodded. “Eva, Thea, Nena and Hedy. Very good.”

 

“It will take some time getting used to being called by names, rather than numbers.” Eva remarked. Kras’hir nodded again.

 

“I have many names, you know. Some of them are rather infamous.”

 

The former Zero Girls listened as Kras’hir listed her various titles. Impressed they were, as Fuhrer Saturn only had his title to him. Some of the many, many titles were the Butcher of Mareen, the Red Phantom, the Slayer of Kings, the Breaker of Moons, the Beast of Revelation, the Howling One, and the Forsaken Daughter. Eva responded with a salute...not the traditional Black Magma salute, but a proper salute. Kras’hir returned it with a traditional show of respect on her home world of Valeria, placing her right fist on her chest and bowing from the waist up.

 

“We will serve you as long as you wish. We will not go anywhere.” Hedy said.

 

Kras’hir nodded. “It honors me greatly to have such noble warriors at my side.”

 

“Thank you, Kommandant.”

 

She gestured for them to follow her, as she walked through Coastal Falls. It was a beautiful day. “I do love the sunlight on warm days like this. It makes me feel so alive.”

 

“We have never experienced such beauty.” said Eva.

 

“You will experience plenty of it here.” the Daemoness said, kneeling and picking a flower. The park they were in was filled with budding plants, with flowers of all colors in bloom. Kras’hir sniffed it, inhaling deeply. “Ah, such a nice scent. Here.” She said, offering it to Eva. She took it, and sniffed it carefully. She was overwhelmed with its scent. Kras’hir picked three more, offering them to the others. They took them, and were overwhelmed as well. Krashir sat down on the grass, having put her ring on in order to avoid unwanted attention. Eva noticed this, and asked, “A camouflage device?”

 

“Aye.” Kras’hir said, nodding.

 

“Impressive.”

 

“Danke.”

 

“You speak the mother tongue.” said Eva.

 

“Ja, freund. Ich spreche die sprache von Deutschland.”

 

“Excellent pronunciation. German is rather difficult for some.”

 

“I am fluent in 65 languages and passable in 35 more. I've had a lot of time to practice.” Kras’hir replied.

 

“Granted, you are indeed a Daemon.”

 

“No shit. Any other astute observations?” Kras’hir snarked.

 

“Your wit is as sharp as your blade.” Eva replied.

 

“Anyone else got anything to say?” Kras’hir asked. “It's starting to get a bit boring only talking to Eva.”

 

“You are beautiful.” said Hedy. She looked at Thea and Nena. “What?”

 

“Forward, aren’t you?” said Thea dryly.

 

“Yes, why? Am I not allowed to compliment our Kommandant?”

 

“Oh, there is no problem with an innocent compliment. But we all know it was far from innocent, don't we?” Nena said. Hedy blushed furiously.

 

“Come now, Hedy. We all know you enjoy women’s company.” said Eva, smirking.

 

“I do not!” said Hedy, now even more flustered.

 

“Yes, you do!” Thea chimed in.

 

“...To be fair,” said Eva. “It is not like Fuhrer Saturn forbids it.” She did not care to elaborate. “The Fuhrer cares not for sexuality, as long as you follow his ideals.”

 

Firehawk suddenly spoke from behind them, “He is far kinder than the leaders of the Reich, then.”

 

“Granted, his central ideas are based on the Reich’s, so it is a, how do you say it...grey, almost black, area of morality.”

 

“In the Reich, there is no tolerance for homosexuals. Anyone suspected of engaging in homosexual activities is immediately castrated or given a forcible cliterectomy, then departed to a forced labor camp. Anyone caught engaging in it is executed by firing squad.”

 

“That is horrifying.” said Hedy. “Black Magma is far more tolerant of homo and bisexuals, as well as women. Though it is still a very iffy sort of society. Very subjective, I think.”

 

“Agreed.” said Eva. “Which would be better: a racist, misogynist, homophobic empire, or an admittedly more tolerant, yet still racist space empire? Neither are very nice.”

 

Firehawk said, “I would take the Reich any day.”

 

“...You monster…” said Hedy. “Now I distrust you even more.”

 

“At least the Nazis are honest about their intentions. Do you think there is any way to achieve ‘racial purity’ without mass genocide? No. No, there isn't. A lot of people will have to die before Fuhrer Saturn’s ambitions are realized, but he won't admit it. The Nazis will. After all, what reason would they have to lie? They aren't ashamed of their deeds.”

 

“That is true, and only complicates the matter further.” Eva said. “Again, neither are nice places. Absolutely nightmarish for the non-Aryans and non-humans Saturn wishes to eliminate.” She then realized that she and her sisters were part of the problem, and she broke down crying. Thea awkwardly hugged her, patting her head. Hedy joined her. Firehawk then said, “I am sure you must be wondering how I know so much about the Third Reich.”

 

“Indeed.” said Hedy.

 

“I slept with Reinhard Heydrich. I assume you've heard that name at some point.” The women nodded, wincing.

 

“Saturn does not mention him.” said Eva. “...Because he wishes to distance himself from Hitler.”

 

“The problem is,” elaborated Hedy. “He is Hitler. Technically, he’s a clone.”

 

“Hitler, at least, the Hitler of the world dominated by the Reich, is dead. He's been dead for twenty years.” Firehawk said.

 

“What year did he die?” asked Hedy.

 

“1995.”

 

“So it is 2015 in their universe.” Hedy said. “Do they rule the entire world?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Do tell. What is culture like in this Nazi-dominant world?” asked Eva.

 

“Are we talking about films? Music? Literature?”

 

“All three, I suppose.”

 

“The propaganda machine of the Reich is more pervasive and powerful than you can imagine. The Nazis pump out marching songs, Party-approved literature and propaganda films at a dizzying rate.”

 

“So there is no jazz? No rock and roll?” asked Hedy.

 

“Of course there is.” said Eva. “Though it is likely far underground, so to speak.”

 

“Oh, it is public...as long as the Party approves of the band in question. If they don't...well…” Firehawk said, trailing off.

 

“Oh.” said Hedy.

 

“Personally, I am more of a punk, metal, and grunge sort.” Hedy said. “I suppose at some point, those genres did spring up, albeit twisted into a racially-charged form?”

 

“Naturally.” replied Eva. “No matter what sort of music the youth enjoys, an oppressive government will twist it into propaganda.”

 

“There was a show at one point in Berlin, similar to Woodstock in America in the distant past of this world. Many bands came together to perform, and thousands of those deemed ‘subversives’ by the Reich attended. About halfway through the show, the Nazis firebombed the place. 50 people died instantly, with over 100 dying of their injuries later on. In total, there were 600 casualties. Those who weren't killed were taken away and sent to concentration camps.” Firehawk said, her tone flat and emotionless.

 

“Do you remember the year?” Hedy asked, her tone one of shock and disgust.

 

“1990. The Führer was 100 years old when it happened. He didn't order it, though. The Minister of Propaganda did.”

 

“1990…” said Hedy. “That would’ve been one year before the breakout of grunge into the mainstream.” Eva stared at her blankly. “...What? I know these things because I read about them.”

 

Firehawk shook her head. “In this world, that is true. In the world of the Reich...well, grunge was smothered in its crib. Those who would have made it mainstream were shot, their bodies strung up for all to see.” Kurt Cobain had quoted Neil Young in defiance of the Reich: “Better to burn out than to fade away.”

 

Firehawk then said, noting that the Rangers had arrived, but not greeting them, “Of course, the most powerful organization in the Reich is the SS, or Schutzstaffel. Their black uniforms can inspire terror unlike anything else in the citizens of the Third Reich.”

 

“...Sorry to interrupt, sister.” said Starhawk. “But Lettuce and his band are holding a small, private concert to welcome you to the city. Would you like to come?”

 

Firehawk turned to her, irritated at the interruption. “...I will consider it.”

 

“Come on, guys.” Lettuce said to Usagi, Toby, and Ebony. “We gotta do a soundcheck.” And so, the four of them left, leaving Naruto, Pinkie and Blackhawk the only Rangers left. Firehawk sighed, putting her head in her hands.

 

“What’s wrong?” Naruto asked.

 

“Oh, nothing. I am just...exhausted, mentally and physically.”

 

“Maybe you should meditate. That always helps me.”

 

“I'm not going to that fucking concert. I have little interest in whatever music they are creating.” she replied. “...On the other hand, Starhawk will be sad if I don't go. Fuck me, when did I grow a conscience?”

 

“What do you think, Blackhawk?” Naruto asked.

 

He replied, “I think she should go, but I am not going to push the issue. To be honest, Firehawk, you scare me a bit.”

 

She smirked. “Good. You are smarter than most of your team.”

 

“Hey.” Naruto protested. “We’re not stupid.”

 

“I never said you were stupid. I merely said he was smarter than you for being fearful of me.” she said, getting up. “Fine, I'll go to the damn concert.”

 

And go she did, listening to the band play. It was fairly odd music, with no sense of traditional structure, and often changing genres and styles at the drop of a hat. And yet, due to both Toby and Usagi’s more poppish and simplistic leanings, it was also fairly catchy. Firehawk still wanted to slit her own throat by the time they finished. However, she was surprised when they informed her that her sister would be singing a song herself, in order to display just how happy she was to have her sister around again.

 

“And now here’s Starhawk with...hold on a minute…” said Lettuce. “God Only Knows by the Beach Boys? Didn’t we just do a couple covers a bit ago?”

 

“Yeah, why?” Toby asked. “Is there a problem?”

 

“Nononono...it’s just…” said Lettuce.

 

“Just what?” asked Starhawk. “This happens to be a song Zordon taught to me.”

 

“...OK. Fine.” said Lettuce. “One, two, three…”

 

Starhawk’s voice filled the room, the sweet melodies soothing:

 

“I may not always love you

But long as there are stars above you

You never need to doubt it

I'll make you so sure about it

 

God only knows what I'd be without you

If you should ever leave me

Though life would still go on believe me

The world could show nothing to me

So what good would living do me

 

God only knows what I'd be without you

 

God only knows what I'd be without you

If you should ever leave me

Well life would still go on believe me

The world could show nothing to me

So what good would living do me

 

God only knows what I'd be without you

God only knows what I'd be without you

God only knows what I'd be without you

God only knows what I'd be without you

God only knows what I'd be without you

God only knows what I'd be without you

God only knows what I'd be without you

God only knows what I'd be without you

God only knows what I'd be without you

God only knows what I'd be without you

God only knows what I'd be without you…” As Starhawk sang, her voice got closer and closer to breaking until she was bawling through the last chorus.

 

Firehawk sniffed, tears welling in her eyes. “Come here, little sister…”

 

Starhawk stage dove into her sister’s arms, crying her eyes out. “Erm...welcome to Coastal Falls, Firehawk! Good night!” Lettuce said before hastily dropping the microphone and running back home. Firehawk held her sister close, stroking her head.

 

“I love you.” whispered Starhawk. “You will always be my big sister, no matter what.”

 

“I love you, too, Star. No matter what happens, no matter what you or I do or where we go, that will never change.”

 

Ebony, Usagi, and Toby still stood there, awkwardly watching. Ebony began jamming on her guitar, and Usagi joined her, Toby finalized the jamming, and they played a serene, calming instrumental. Firehawk looked at them. “Get out.”

 

The three nodded, leaving hurriedly, but taking their instruments. Toby handed Lettuce’s keyboard to Pinkie, and said, “If you see Lettuce, tell him he forgot his damn keyboard.”

 

She nodded. Starhawk cried until her eyes were red, holding her sister. Firehawk kissed her head, gently rocking her sister back and forth and humming to her. She fell asleep, just as soothed as she was when she was a child. Firehawk picked her up, carrying Starhawk to her bedroom in Undyne and Alphys apartment.

 

“Have a good time?” asked Undyne. “Planned the concert myself.”

 

“Most of the songs were shit, honestly, but the one my sister sang more than made up for it.”

 

“Yeah, Lettuce’s music isn’t for everyone. But I’m glad your sister showed her appreciation.”

 

Firehawk nodded, gently setting Starhawk down on her bed and covering her with a blanket.

 

“What’d she sing?” Undyne asked. “It was probably a cover of some kind, since I don’t see Starhawk as a songwriting type.”

 

“She sang God Only Knows.”

 

“Classic. Really fitting too, considering you’re her sister.”

 

Firehawk nodded again.

 

“Well, welcome to Coastal Falls. If you want, you can move in with us. Alphys and I have far more space than we know what to do with.”

 

“That sounds lovely. Thank you.”

 

“No problem.” Seconds later, Starhawk’s room had become mysteriously bigger. At least, large enough for a second bed and second set of drawers to appear. “...Did I mention our apartment is built like a TARDIS?”

 

Firehawk blinked. “...No. No, you didn't.”

 

“Like I said, far more space than we know what to do with.” Undyne said. “Make yourself at home.”

 

Firehawk asked, “Do you have tea? I would very much like a cup.”

 

“Lots.” said Undyne. “Lemme got getcha some.” And with that, she left. Soon, there was a knock at the door of the apartment. Undyne opened it. “Yello?”

 

A human man stood there. He had short, cropped black hair, narrow, curved cheeks and pale skin without much color. His eyes were dark blue. He wore a black dress uniform, complete with a black overcoat, trousers and tie, shin-height boots and an officer’s hat, the hat in question bearing both the Reichsadler and the Death’s Head, a symbol of the SS. His uniform also bore various symbols of the Reich, including an armband bearing the swastika.

 

“Who the hell are you?” asked Undyne, recognizing the symbols and aiming her spear at him. “And what do you want?”

 

He merely smiled thinly, the expression cold and devoid of mirth. “I am Obergruppenführer Reinhard Heydrich of the Schutzstaffel, Fräulein. May I come in?” His tone was polite, yet cool and reserved.

 

“While I am usually a polite hostess, I don’t trust a Nazi. Why are you here?”

 

Firehawk answered before Heydrich could, “He is here to speak with me. Hello, Reinhard.”

 

“Greetings, Firehawk. Wie läuft es so bei dir?”

 

“Es läuft gut, Reinhard.” she replied, before turning to Undyne. “Let him inside, at least for now.”

 

“Oh, alright. Why don’t you come in and have some tea, Mr. Waffle?” She then saw he was glaring at her coldly. “I mean, Mr. Reinhard…”

 

“Danke, Fräulein.” He said, entering and sitting on the couch.

 

“My name is Undyne, by the way.” she said. Heydrich didn't acknowledge her. His silence expressed his indifference towards her better than any words. “...Would you like to meet my girlfriend?”

 

Firehawk winced, facepalming. Heydrich said, his voice contemptuous, “Nein.”

 

“Fine, then.” Undyne muttered, and handed him some tea. He drank, an awkward silence settling over the room. After Heydrich finished his tea, he turned to Firehawk. “I came here to discuss an important matter with you.”

 

“Which is?”

 

“Do you recall the project that the good doctor was working on just before you left the Reich?”

 

“Of course.” Firehawk said. “His work was coming along well, if memory serves.”

 

“Ja.” He agreed. “However, the project failed. His work backfired, and 300 engineers and technicians died in the explosion that followed. As far as the citizens of the Reich know, it was a tragic mining accident.”

 

“I don't know what's more sad: The fact that the mining accident excuse is used every time a project goes wrong, or that that the people believe it every time.”

 

“Regardless, our work has been set back. I need you to return. You always did have a keen eye and precise hand suited for such projects.

 

Firehawk thought about it, silence falling once again while she considered his proposal.

 

“Just what is this project?” Undyne said, contempt for the Nazi in her voice.

 

Heydrich said, “Be silent, Untermensch.”

 

Untermensch. Sub-human. Firehawk cringed at the insult, glad that Undyne didn't speak German. Billy, on the other hand, did. Thankfully, he was unaware of the Nazi in the apartment.

 

“Whatever you just said, I don’t like it...Mr. Waffle.”

 

Heydrich looked over Undyne’s shoulder, before nodding. Undyne was promptly struck in the back of the head with a rifle butt, courtesy of the SS guard that had followed Heydrich in without her noticing. Undyne fell unconscious, Starhawk having woken up from all the commotion.

 

“What do you plan to do with her?!” she yelled. Heydrich said, completely unfazed, “Nothing. I merely wished for her to stop talking and stay out of the way.”

 

Starhawk merely glared, and went back to bed. Now that they were alone, Firehawk and Heydrich had a long discussion. This discussion would have lasting repercussions, with the plans made during it having drastic and dire effects on the entire multiverse…

 

[4EverGreen]

Follow You, Follow Me

The scene opens up in Ebony's house, it is night time in the late evening, and BlackHawk is in Ebony's room with Ebony. Ebony says: “Well, BlackHawk, it's nice that we FINALLY managed to get some alone time together for a change!”

BlackHawk says: “You said it!”
 

Ebony asks: “By the way; how DID you manage to convince your mother to get to see ME tonight? From what you told me, she considers ME to be nothing more than a two-bit FLOOZY!!!!”

 

BlackHawk says: “And that's HER being generous! But I just told her the honest truth; that I was having a sleep-over at Lettuce's house, to see how my MOTHER'S house stacks up against the 'competition'!”

 

Ebony shockingly says: “BlackHawk! That's LYING!!!!”
 

BlackHawk seriously says: “It's only a LITTLE white lie; not a BIG fat lie! And if it makes my MOM happy, WHY rain on her parade? Besides, Lettuce and his parents are cool with it, they're willing to cover for us. And just in case my MOTHER calls over there, then their butler can imitate my voice and talk to her!”

 

Ebony says: “Clever!”

 

BlackHawk says: “Anything is worth getting to spend an evening with you. It's a shame that Toby can't be here with us.”

 

Ebony says: “You can't really BLAME Toby, though. When he heard that his little brother's condition was improving; he had to rush to...where was it again?”

 

BlackHawk says: “Either Johto or Sinnoh; where they only have 493 Pokemon to catch!”

 

Ebony says: “Right! Either way, he had to rush to the hospital to be by his brother's side for when he wakes up!”

 

BlackHawk says: “You got to admire a man who shows love and devotion to his family! I just wish my MOM would be more understanding of us! I'm hoping I can convince her that I'm trying to make a WINNER out of you! At least THAT way, I wouldn't have to make up stories about TRYING to see you!”

 

Ebony says: “Your mother has WARPED ideas on what is IMPORTANT in this world and in life!”

 

BlackHawk says: “She SAYS she just wants what is 'best' for her two children. Like SHE would be the best judge on what is best for me! She wants to give US the opportunities SHE was never given, all because she was bullied for her child-hood looks. Also, if I can TRULY believe her; she was APPARENTLY abused at age six by her parents just for being 'ugly'. So, I guess that makes me a LITTLE sympathetic to her needs, but she REALLY needs to get over it, and STOP living her life based on her child-hood trauma!”

Ebony says: “You said it!”

 

BlackHawk says: “So, are we REALLY going to go ALL the way tonight?!”

 

Ebony says: “I want to! Not because SLANEESH wants me to!”

 

BlackHawk says: “Ebony; you KNOW how I feel about actually MENTIONING the names of the Chaos Gods in normal conversation, let alone INTIMATE moments together!”

 

Ebony blushes, and she says: “Sorry. BlackHawk, do you think Toby and I have replaced Justin as the designated butt-monkeys of the Power Rangers?”

 

BlackHawk says: “Ebony; where on Core Earth would you get a RIDICULOUS idea like that?!”

 

Ebony says: “I don't know. It's just that lately, everyone has seemed to start treating us DIFFERENTLY! It's subtle, but I just don't feel as respected as I USED to!”

 

BlackHawk says: “Well, you DID lie to me about Draco Malfoy, for starters!”

 

Ebony adamantly says: “WHICH I have constantly and PROFUSELY apologized for, I might add! It was a MOMENT of weakness! The JERK never even called me BACK; I hope he burns in HELL!!!!”

 

BlackHawk says: “I wouldn't wish that. Just having to settle for some second rate WITCH would be punishment enough for me!”

 

Ebony sighs, and says: “Yeah; I guess that would be punishment enough for me, to.”

 

BlackHawk says: “Look; let's just agree that there will be NO more deception between us. I'll be completely honest with you, if you are completely honest with me. After all, isn't that the POINT of this open relationship between the three of us?”

 

Ebony says: “Yes. You don't even HAVE to do this with me because it's what the...Pleasure God wants; do it, because it's what YOU want!”

 

BlackHawk says: “Well, seeing as how NEITHER of us wants to DIE a virgin, even though you're not, I DO want to do it with you because it's what I want!”

 

Ebony happily says: “Awesome!!!!”

 

BlackHawk dims the lights down low, making the action HARD to see! BlackHawk says: “Are you READY for it?!”

 

Ebony says: “Always!”

 

BlackHawk says: “Then here it is, in ALL its glory!!!!”

 

And the sound of BlackHawk's CLOTHES hitting the ground can be heard! Ebony says: “I've been around, and nobody has QUITE the appendage that YOU do!”

 

BlackHawk says: “Well, when you have the dad that I have, you will realize that there is NOTHING little when it comes to the male appendage in our family!”

 

Ebony says: “I believe that! Now, how about me? Do you like what YOU see?”

 

And the audible sound of Ebony unbuttoning her clothes can be heard! BlackHawk gasps, and he says: “Ebony, on a scale of 1 to 10, with ten being the HOTTEST; you'd be a MILLION!!!!”

 

Ebony says: “BlackHawk, don't just say that because things didn't work out with StarHawk.”

 

BlackHawk scoffs, and he says: “Like I WANT to think about that! She and that LECHEROUS 'sister-wife' of hers, who I STILL don't trust as far as I can throw; which is PRETTY far, are off on their honeymoon, searching for Necrons to KILL!!!!”

 

Ebony asks: “Why would FireHawk do that?! I thought she was the one who RELEASED the Necrons on Planet Hawkia in the FIRST place!”

 

BlackHawk says: “Well, apparently StarHawk was able to convince FireHawk that the Chaos Gods, might want to USE the Necrons in one of their many nefarious plans! And because FireHawk doesn't like them...well, that's why she's now willing to HUNT them!”

 

Ebony asks: “Than WHY don't you completely trust FireHawk yet?”

 

BlackHawk says: “Because if I COULD trust her, than she WOULDN'T have seduced her own sister into MARRYING her! I won't break the bad news to StarHawk, because I PERSONALLY think she's too naïve and trusting; but you've got to admit, FireHawk's motives seem a little...suspicious.”

 

Ebony says: “She got rid of Usagi's devotion to the Blood God, didn't she?”

 

BlackHawk says: “Maybe so. But when she is willing to do the same thing for you, Pinkie, Toby, and Lettuce; THEN I will feel like I can totally trust her, and NOT before! I have made the mistake of BLINDLY trusting women MORE times than I would CARE to admit; I will NOT make that same mistake with HER!”

 

Ebony shrugs, and she says: “Fair enough. Why are we even TALKING about her, anyways?! Let's focus on us, here and now!”

 

BlackHawk says: “Agreed! I know I'M not your first time, but I hope to be your BEST time!”

 

Ebony says: “And I'll actually be ABLE to enjoy and remember it! I've been clean for THREE days now!”

BlackHawk says: “Impressive! Now let's see YOU impress me more, by seeing how LONG you last!”

 

Ebony seductively says: “I might be able to pleasantly SURPRISE you!”

 

BlackHawk says: “Well, don't tell ME how it ends; I don't want any SPOILERS for MY first time!”

 

Ebony says: “Fair enough. Do...what you NEED to do, then!!!!”

 

And they dive underneath the covers, and in the background, the radio begins playing an APPROPRIATE song by Michael Jackson; “P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)”!!!! /

 

Michael Jackson sings: “You know, you—you make me feel so good inside. I always wanted a girl just like you. You're such a P.Y.T., pretty young thing. Where did you come from, baby? And ooh, won't you take me there? Right away; won't you baby? Tender; only you've got to be! Spark my nature sugar, fly with me! Don't you know now is the perfect time? We can make it right, hit the city lights! Then tonight, ease the love and pain. Let me take you to the max! I want to love you (P.Y.T.) Pretty young thing! You need some lovin' (T.L.C.) Tender love, and care! And I'll take you there, take you there! I want to love you (P.Y.T.) Pretty young thing! You need some lovin' (T.L.C.) Tender love, and care! And I'll take you there, take you there! Anywhere you wanna go (Yes, I will.) Nothin' can stop this burnin', desire to be with you; gotta get to you baby! Won't you come, it's emergency! Cool my fire yearnin' honey, come set me free! Don't you know now is the perfect time? We can dim the lights just to make it right! In the night, hit the lovin' spot! I'll give you all that I've got! I want to love you (P.Y.T.) Pretty young thing! You need some lovin' (T.L.C.) Tender love, and care! And I'll take you there (Yes, I will.) I want to love you (P.Y.T.) Pretty young thing! You need some lovin' (T.L.C.) Tender love, and care! And I'll take you there, take you there! Pretty young things, UHHH!!!!! Pretty young things. Pretty young things, UHHH!!!! Pretty young things. Pretty young things, repeat after me; say 'Na, na, na.'
[P.Y.T.'s] Na, na, na. [Michael] Na, na, na, na. [P.Y.T.'s] Na, na, na, na. [Michael] Say 'Na, na, na.' [P.Y.T.'s] Na, na, na. [Michael] Na, na, na, na, na. [P.Y.T.'s] Na, na, na, na, na. [Michael] I'll take you there, take you there! I want to love you (P.Y.T.) Pretty young thing! You need some lovin' (T.L.C.) Tender love, and care! And I'll take you there, take you there! I want to love you (P.Y.T.) Pretty young thing! You need some lovin' (T.L.C.) Tender love, and care! And I'll take you there, take you there! I want to love you, and treat you right. I want to love you and treat you right! You know, I think you are really nice. You're such a P.Y.T. Pretty young thing. I just wanna love you, you know, it's...I'd give you all.” /

 

But unbeknownst to EITHER BlackHawk OR Ebony, a SINISTER secret robotic drone has been RECORDING their intimate 'romance' session, and quickly FLIES off when the epic song ends! /

 

In Queen Beryl's sinister space ship, Dr. Maniac is reviewing the footage that his SECRET robot drone has picked up for him, and he openly GAGS over it!!!! Dr. Maniac sourly says: “Look at BlackHawk and Ebony openly making sexual 'LOVE' to each other! THEY MAKE ME SICK!!!! How does a guy even GET a male appendage THAT big?!!!”

 

Meison says: “Well, he IS a Hawkian; you know! The males DO tend to have impressive appendages, and they CAN mate with just about ANY species in the known multi-verse! It's one of the secrets to their reproductive success! Don't tell me you're JEALOUS of them?!!!”

 

Dr. Maniac scoffs, and he says: “ME; jealous?!!! I'm too SMART to let myself succumb to PETTY, USELESS emotions! I'm a man of SCIENCE!!!! And as such, I have no USE for things that would get in my WAY of pursuing the knowledge of SCIENCE!!!! My emotions are DEAD to me!!!!”

 

Psygorn sinisterly chuckles, and he says: “Let's hope you're RIGHT for your own sake! If you were LYING and were STILL holding onto some emotions, even NEGATIVE ones, it COULD come back to HAUNT you someday; like, once you become FULLY robotic like you INTEND to be!”

 

Fara says: “IGNORE HIM!!!!”

 

Dr. Maniac says: “Noted, moving on! Their love is a WEAKNESS!!!! Love gets in the way of training and duty! It messes you up! When you get attached to something; you will INEVITABLY lose it! I need a Youma to BREAK up the little love fests going down on Core Earth! Got any ideas, Queen Beryl?”

 

Queen Beryl says: “You know full well that there is no POINT in ME sending down any Youma, as long as our energy STORAGE unit is BROKEN!!!! That traitorous Abaddon really did a NUMBER on what we were using! Even with the skills of my three...well, FOUR great wizards COUNTING Meison; it is taking them MUCH longer than expected to get our machine back up and running!”

 

Dr. Maniac scoffs, and he says: “Slackers! Fortunately, I've devised something that will help us out in the mean-time! I hope you APPRECIATE it!!!!”

 

And Dr. Maniac unveils a portable energy storage unit! Kunzite says: “Gee; pretty fancy-schmancy! I guess if you invest your money WELL for two centuries, you can BUY something pretty nice!”

 

Dr. Maniac says: “Buy nothing!!!! I made THIS baby from SCRATCH!!!! Not only can this portable energy storage unit COLLECT the energy from the YOUMA, it can also collect the energy my BIO BEASTS can gather! Granted, it can't store all the energy your HUGE machine can collect, being a PORTABLE unit! It's not a permanent solution, but this little baby will solve our energy dilemma for the time being.”

 

Ahminnan says: “Why not simply have those NAZI soldiers do your dirty work for you?!”

 

Dr. Maniac almost VOMITS for real, and he FORCEFULLY swallows and says: “I just threw up a little bit in my MOUTH!!!! Those JERK FACES left a bad TASTE in my mouth, in more ways than ONE!!!! I mean, NAZIS?!!! Did I miss the memo saying that we were fighting against the very FIRST Power Rangers team, the Power Rangers Valor Force; or the FIFTH Power Rangers team, the Power Rangers Solar Force?! THEY both HAD to fight, and eventually WON; against the forces of the Nazis, I CAN'T endorse having the forces of any NAZIS facing against a team of Power Rangers, and LOSING a THIRD time!”

 

Fara asks: “Can't; or won't?”

 

Dr. Maniac says: “BOTH!!!! Either/or; I don't want to, for won't; and I can't, because my Wormhole Creator, which allows us to ACCESS the Nazi realm dimension as I like to call it, is EXPENSIVE to run and maintain. My Wormhole Creator isn't exactly CHEAP, you know! I can only run it for like, every other monster we send down to Core Earth!”

Queen Beryl sighs, and says: “Fine! What do YOU propose we do THIS time?!”

 

Neo Falcon walks in, and he boldly says: “Allow me the chance to REDEEM myself, for the last time!”

 

Nephrite nervously says: “HIM?! Are you sure that's a good idea?!”

 

Benzite says: “This little clown nearly fell in BATTLE against Usagi in his last fight! What makes YOU think that you'll do any better THIS time?!”

 

Neo Falcon says: “Because I have the added genetic material of the fallen Neo Aquaiger inside of me! With it; I have DOUBLE the power that I did the LAST time! Besides, Dr. Maniac has received some very VALUABLE information! While FireHawk MAY be a nuisance to us, she DID do us the favor of getting RID of Khorne's influence over Usagi! Without the mark of Khorne, she can no LONGER feel the rage and blood-lust that she USED to feel! In fact, she will probably become PUTTY in the hands of ANYONE who is NICE to her, which, will fit PERFECTLY in our plans!”

 

Farrah Cat says: “And besides, IF you fail, I'll still be around to FINISH the job after Nephrite's NEXT monster creation INEVITABLY fails!!!!”

 

Nephrite asks: “Why would you think that I would fail MY queen?!!!”

 

Mettzler says: “Because you're a coward and a liar!!!! And from OUR perspective, that's even WORSE than being a blood-thirsty TRAITOR the way Jaedite was, and Radiguet is!”

 

Bio Gorilla just grunts, and says: “Be careful you don't CHOKE on your own cowardice, Nephrite!”

 

Neo Falcon says: “Meison, use all the magic skills you know of to back me up, and I'll take care of everything else on Core Earth!”

 

Meison says: “Crush the Rangers with EVERYTHING at our disposal!!!!”

 

Neo Falcon says: “If all goes well, I might even TAKE one of the Power Rangers WITH me! Or I'll DIE trying in the ENDEAVOR!!!!”

 

And Neo Falcon, dons a protective space energy suit, and FLIES down to Core Earth! Dr. Maniac says: “Soon the Power Rangers will know the TRUE threat of my genius, and they will FOREVER remember THIS important fact; Dr. Maniac ALWAYS manages to kill at least ONE Power Ranger member of ANY team he FIGHTS against! They can COUNT on it! MWA, HA, HA, HA, HA!!!!” /

 

Meanwhile, from FAR off in Outer Space, Radiguet's EVIL space ship, and his evil force of Vyram loyal cronies, are busy attacking, and DECIMATING, most of the forces of the LESS evil Irken empire!!!! Radiguet is SO confident in the abilities of his forces, he doesn't even BOTHER to fight with them, knowing that the Irkens are NO match for his superior fire-power, even though they ARE prolonging their demise as long as possible, just to PISS him off as long as they can! Radiguet sighs and says: “I wonder if I will actually have to go out and blow up all these glorified, over-grown grasshoppers away MYSELF?!!!”

His robot Gray, says: “I honestly don't know, sir.”

 

Radiguet rolls his eyes, and he says: “You know; you COULD give it a SHOT and; PRETEND to be HAPPY for our continued success ONCE in a while!”

 

Gray, continuing his monotone way of speaking, says: “Believe me; I am just BURSTING to the limit with EMOTIONS!!!! If I felt ANYTHING more inside of me AT all; I would LITERALLY explode from the excess of all the feelings INSIDE of me!!!!”

 

Radiguet excitedly says: “OOH!!!! SARCASM!!!! We're MAKING progress! I might as well take this time, and set my sights on Core Earth! Queen Hedrian MUST be dead, by NOW!!!! After all, MISERY has fore-seen it, so it must have happened!!!!”

 

Radiguet uses his psychic sight, and looks down onto Core Earth, and he says: “Insects, peons, barely-evolved pond scum everywhere; totally convinced of their OWN superiority as they scurry about their SHORT, POINTLESS lives!!!! Totally unaware that I will someday SWAT them ENDLESSLY! It's too bad that PITIFUL little Queen Hedrian is...ALIVE?!!!”

 

And Gray tenses up in nervousness, as Radiguet ANGRILY knocks his glass of blood-red WINE to the ground, SHATTERING it, and Radiguet glows an unhealthy, very VIOLENT shade of RED!!!! Gray shudders, and moaning, says: “Oh, no! Not THIS again!!!!”

 

Radiguet FLIES out of his space ship, and announces his arrival to ALL the Irkens!!!! Radiguet angrily says: “ATTENTION PITIFUL WORMS!!!!”

 

Tallest Red says: “THAT'S the one in CHARGE!!!!”

 

Tallest Purple says: “How DARE he subject us to this?!!!”

 

Radiguet laughs maniacally, and says: “Don't take this the wrong way, you've been SURPRISINGLY entertaining, but I'm afraid I've found out some news that has GRAVELY upset ME!!!! And do you know what happens when I get upset? I get ANGRY!!!! And when I get angry, entire RACES DIE!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

And Radiguet QUICKLY and EFFORTLESSLY powers up a HUGE energy ball of crimson red power, and Tak just sourly says: “Power Level 530,000?!!! Oh, SHI--!!!!”

 

But she NEVER gets to finish her thought, because Radiguet FIRES onto the ENTIRE Irken army, killing all who are present, save for TWO Irkens; Skoodge, and Zim! Zim hollowly asks: “What...have...you...done?”

Radiguet flies down to Zim, and Radiguet casually says: “NOTHING!!!! Well; maybe just one TEENSY, TINY little THING...I DOOMED your ENTIRE little RACE!!!! That's all! MWA, HA, HA!!!!”

 

Zim boils with anger, and he says: “You KILLED them!!!! YOU KILLED MY PEOPLE!!!! DIE!!!!”

And Zim ANGRILY fires at Radiguet with his laser gun, convinced that he has GOTTEN his revenge, but Zim recoils in HORROR when the smoke clears, and Radiguet didn't even BOTHER to flinch, and he doesn't have a SCRATCH on him!!!! Radiguet is bored, and he asks: “Did you actually think you could POSSIBLY harm me with a puny laser gun, with a paltry power level of only 13,000? I eat guns like that for BREAKFAST!!!! WATCH!!!!”

 

And Radiguet TAKES Zim's laser gun, and eats it whole, and just burps SMOKE when the contents explode in his stomach! Radiguet says: “THAT'S a spicy meatball!”

Than Radiguet gets serious, GRABS Zim by the neck, Radiguet lifts Zim up, and Radiguet creepily says: “Listen now, and listen WELL, sole survivors of the Irken race; if you WANT to continue LIVING, you will go down to Core Earth, find the evil witch, who calls herself Queen Hedrian, and you tell her that if Doctor Maniac and Queen Beryl don't end her MISERABLE existence, that Radiguet will personally come and do the job himself, and he will NOT do it quickly and MERCIFULLY the way he DOOMED the Irken race!!!! Do you UNDERSTAND?!!!”

 

Zim angrily says: “Go to HELL!!!!”

 

Radiguet yawns, and he says: “You mean the Chaos Realm? It's REALLY not all the Chaos Gods hype it up to be! I should know; because I just went there myself, to STEAL the son of NERGAL!!!! He won't even notice it for a YEAR; because I left behind a CONVINCING look-alike MONSTER! But when he does, he will have no CHOICE but to come face me; and DIE!!!! Because I will STEAL his power and make it MINE! Those Chaos Gods, they make me SICK!!!! They have infernal powers, infernal legions of soldiers to FIGHT for them! But they don't USE them effectively!!!! The multi-verse DESERVES a better class of VILLAIN, one who doesn't HESITATE to use ALL the powers at HIS disposal, and I intend to give it, to EVERYONE, whether they WANT me to or NOT, and NO one can STOP me!!!! And don't THINK YOU can stop me, or I'll take away the one thing you value MORE than your INSIGNIFICANT pride; your secret and SINFUL love for that FILTHY human, Dib!!!! Because I can and WILL kill him, unless you DO as I SAY!!!!”

 

Zim gasps, and he says: “You wouldn't DARE?!!!”

 

Radiguet chuckles, and he says: “So naïve!!!! If I can kill a BILLION Irken EFFORTLESSLY, killing one more human is NOTHING for me at ALL!!!!”

 

And Zim shudders in horror, as he realizes that Radiguet isn't bluffing!!!! Radiguet says: “And now you bore me, because all your bravery and bravado has been forever shattered, leaving you NOTHING more than a mere shell of your former self! I'll leave you two to wallow in your self-pity, while I seek a NEW target, the WORTHLESS planet of Edenoi!!!! Hopefully, they'll be more of a challenge than YOUR race WAS!!!! Enjoy the rest of your lives...while you CAN!!!! MWA, HA, HA, HA!!!!”

 

And Radiguet flies back into his spaceship, not even BOTHERING to look BACK at the two Irkens! Skoodge, goes to Zim, and Skoodge asks: “What are we going to do, Zim?! He killed all the other Irkens like they were NOTHING to him!!!!”

 

Zim says: “Well, I don't think immediate extinction for everyone living on Core Earth is his ideal goal. If it was, he would've killed US, to; and thought nothing of it! It seems he enjoys TORTURING those he conquers BEFORE he gets bored and KILLS them!”

 

Skoodge asks: “So why did he just kill OUR race?”

Zim breaks down, crying sulfur, and says: “Because...something, made him MAD!!!! And we HAVE to warn this Queen Hedrian! Because if we don't, Dib, and all the REST of his fellow Earthlings, will suffer a fate WORSE than WE did!!!!” /

 

Back in Radiguet's space-ship, Gray asks: “Radiguet, did you HONESTLY have to blow up every single LAST Irken that COULD have been a threat to you?”

 

Radiguet says: “Of course NOT!!!! I also blew up MOST of the ones that could NEVER pose a threat to me! But you know how I am; I always leave at least TWO survivors of any given race that I kill, just so they can SPREAD the tragic word, of how I was the LAST thing MOST of THEIR pathetic race ever saw in their ENTIRE existence!”

 

Gray sighs, and says: “Of course. You're ALWAYS so classy like that!”

 

Radiguet scornfully says: “I have every RIGHT!!!! My mother tried to MURDER me you PATHETIC pile of scrap metal! This universe OWES me the debt of letting ME conquer it! The only one who is ALLOWED to kill those PATHETIC Power Rangers is ME!!!! Dr. Maniac can have ONE if he must, but the REST of them are reserved for MY personal enjoyment alone, to TORMENT for however long I see FIT!!!!”

 

Gray, seeing no point in continuing to try to REASON with Radiguet, merely sighs, and says: “Yes, sire.”

 

Radiguet says: “Well, as long as Queen Hedrian IS still alive, I might as well POSE as Khorne again, just to give her a HOPE SPOT that I can SMASH when I inevitably hurt her in the most SADISTIC way POSSIBLE!! Oh, I just LOVE it when I'm NASTY!!!! Which is all the TIME!!!! Ha, HA!!!!” /

 

Queen Hedrian is in her secret room in the Command Center; a pile of crumpled, lousy plans for trying to conquer Earth litters the ground, rejected either for being too pointless, or for a lack of available resources. Queen Hedrian is meditating, and has her eyes closed. Queen Hedrian says: “Khorne, please talk to me again! I, am LOST!!!! Omnus is my sworn enemy! Zordon's heir! He is everything my father has told me to HATE and destroy! Why can't I find it in me to do what I KNOW should be done? Am I not CAPABLE of taking his life, after all this time? I felt NOTHING when I pretended to fall in love with my LAST two husbands! So...why have I not been able to commit to killing Omnus? I can't actually LOVE an Eltarian! It...is SO forbidden! My father would never FORGIVE me for even THINKING such a thing! And yet...Omnus has opened something inside me that I have NEVER felt before! And the more I try to understand it; the less able I am to think straight and clearly about my intended goals of trying to conquer Core Earth. Is this romance, right? What should I DO?!!! I wish you would give me some sort of a SIGN, or something!!!!”

 

Omnus unexpectedly walks in, and he says: “Forgive me for the intrusion, Queen Hedrian, but I just wanted to tell you that breakfast was ready.”

 

Queen Hedrian fake-coughs, and she says: “I could stand a little brekky. Some brain food ought to help me out! I was...trying to seek counsel with T'zeen...the Chaos God Drako used to worship.”

 

Omnus, seeming to know MORE than Queen Hedrian is letting on, doesn't let HER know that; and Omnus merely asks: “Did he help?”

 

Queen Hedrian sighs, and she saids: “Silent as the stars. My father would NEVER...”

 

Omnus chuckles, and he says: “Oh, Queen Hedrian; you expect SO much that you NEED to walk the path that Master Vile set down for you, that you never stop to look at your OTHER options!”

 

Queen Hedrian asks: “What?! How did you know that I was feeling conflicted?!!!”

 

Omnus chuckles, and he says: “Queen Hedrian, I know all about the Chaos Gods, just as well as you do! Once you get to really know me, you could really LOVE me!”

 

Queen Hedrian nervously says: “No!!!! Let me go away! FAR AWAY!!!! If Master Vile knew I was taking refuge with you, he would KILL me, and he would NOT do it with MERCY!!!!”

Omnus asks: “Aren't you being a LITTLE overly dramatic? Master Vile doesn't even understand things like love, or compassion, or, the joy of helping others! You know; sometimes, I don't think he's REALLY that happy, personally speaking!”

 

Queen Hedrian asks: “And how often do YOUR mentoring duties let you go out and about?!”

 

Omnus says: “That's totally NOT the point, Queen Hedrian! And even if it was, I would STILL be a better expert at understanding other species than YOU do, because I actually KNOW and understand what having empathy for others FEELS like!”

Queen Hedrian says: “I don't know if I CAN have empathy, or even if I should. Besides, an Eltarian and a member of the Vile clan? We could NEVER get along together!”

Omnus asks: “Queen Hedrian; how can you possibly KNOW if an Eltarian and a Vile CAN'T get along with each other, unless we experiment for ourselves?”

Queen Hedrian asks: “Are you suggesting...what I think you're suggesting?”

Omnus says: “I've always wanted a family, and I think you do to. You've lost your older brother Rito due to a pointless fight. Don't lose your chance at happiness, just because your father wouldn't approve of it. Think of what would be best for YOURSELF, for a change, and NOT what your father would or wouldn't approve of!!!!”

 

Than suddenly, Radiguet's creepy voice fills the air, and he says: “DON'T LISTEN to that lying CREEPAZOID OMNUS!!!!”

 

Queen Hedrian shuts her eyes, and says: “Khorne, I HEAR you!!!! What do you want?!!!”

 

But Queen Hedrian is unaware that Omnus is REACTING to everything that Radiguet is SAYING to her! In the mental vision conversation, Radiguet says: “Simple; my faithful servant, Queen Hedrian! I want you to take the magic staff of your goody-two shoes SISTER; Rita Repulsa, who otherwise calls herself the Magi-Mother, and USE it to STAB Omnus to DEATH!!!! By doing so, not only will you KILL your ENEMY OMNUS; but you will GET your old SISTER back; and TOGETHER, you can RULE Core Earth the way you were ALWAYS meant to!”

Queen Hedrian nervously says: “I...can't!!!! It's ONE thing to maybe kill Omnus, but I can't BETRAY my own sister!!!!”

 

Radiguet says: “You're NOT betraying her. You're doing her a FAVOR!!!! Do you HONESTLY think that anyone in the ENTIRE universe actually WANTS to be GOOD?! Everyone is just LYING to themselves about what IS and isn't MORAL!!!! Why worry about society and rules?! You should be able to TAKE what you can; WHEN you can, without ANY regards for what is 'good' and 'moral'! The ONLY thing that EVER actually matters is about making yourself happy, because EVERYONE else is completely WORTHLESS!!!”

 

Than Queen Hedrian suddenly tenses up, when OMNUS enters the conversation, as Omnus angrily says: “You would KNOW; wouldn't you, RADIGUET?!!!”

 

Queen Hedrian can only SEE the image of Khorne, and she says: “That's not Radiguet, it's KHORNE!!!!”

 

Radiguet/Khorne says: “Give it UP; Omnus!!!! You CAN'T DEFEAT me!!!! I am THOROUGHLY WRAPPED AROUND Queen Hedrian's BRAIN!!!! She will ONLY see what I WANT her to SEE!!!! And if you try to free her, you will make her DIE!!!!”

 

Omnus merely chuckles, and he says: “You must REALLY think I'm an AMATEUR; DON'T you, Radiguet?!”

 

Radiguet/Khorne yells: “WHAT?!!!”

 

Omnus screams, and with a stunning flash of BRIGHT light; he REPELS the invisible MIND tentacles MIND-RAPING Queen Hedrian's brain, and DESTROYS them, ERASING the image of Khorne OUT of Queen Hedrian's mental image, and leaving ONLY Radiguet!!!! Queen Hedrian gets scared and says: “YOU?!!! You were the image of...KHORNE?!!!”

 

Radiguet angrily says: “Yes. And how DARE you, Omnus?!!! I had a WONDERFUL thing GOING; constantly MIND-RAPING Queen Hedrian's MIND without her even KNOWING it! The activity filled me with SUCH joy! But now you've RUINED it, and you have DOOMED the ENTIRE Core EARTH to DIE by MY HANDS!!!!”

 

Omnus angrily says: “You FOOL!!!! That is NEVER going to happen even if you DID still have control over Queen Hedrian's MIND, so it really doesn't MATTER now; does it?!!! Get out of Queen Hedrian's mind, and don't you DARE let me CATCH you talking to her AGAIN; or next time, I'll leave a scar on your FACE!”

 

And before Radiguet can even BLINK; Omnus FIRES a POWERFUL blue energy wave at Radiguet, knocking his image OUT of Queen Hedrian's mind, and the mental conversation ends! /

 

In Radiguet's Space-ship, Radiguet finds himself KNOCKED BACK from his evil bed; and to his DISGUST, he finds the image of a hawk-shaped burn mark, from Omnus' attack, INGRAINED on his stomach!!!! Radiguet yells: “Tranza, my son! What was Omnus' power just now?!!!”

 

A young Asian boy, with Vyram shaped ears, walks in, and he says: “The scanner level showed that the extent of Omnus' full power, registers at 530,000! Does that mean he is...?”

 

Radiguet finishes: “As strong as me? Of course not! He merely caught me off-guard! I had no idea the heir of Zordon would actually have SOME fighting abilities available to him! So, it seems that Core Earth isn't as COMPLETELY defenseless as I initially thought! It looks like conquering it just got a LOT more INTERESTING!!!! Omnus is stronger than I gave him credit for, but he will NOT catch ME off-guard again; you BETTER believe THAT!!!!”

 

Tranza asks: “Do you want Maria to whip you up a potion to get rid of that burn mark on you?”

 

Radiguet seriously says: “No. I think I'll keep it. This will serve as a healthy reminder to US, that the Power Rangers are NOT to be taken lightly. And when you FIGHT against them, you will NOT show them any mercy!!!!”

 

Tranza seriously says: “I don't even know the MEANING of that word! And by 'word,' I mean, 'MERCY'!”

 

Radiguet creepily says: “GOOD!!!! So much for being able to DICK around with Queen Hedrian! But at least I can still pursue my OTHER goals! Stay on course for Edenoi! Their champion, the Masked Rider, should be no match for MY superior fire-power!” /

 

Back at the Command Center, Queen Hedrian sobs, and says: “Radiguet.”

 

Than Queen Hedrian screams a great, big: “NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not RADIGUET!!!!”

 

Queen Hedrian falls to the ground to cry, and Alpha Eight says: “Aye-yai-yai-yai-yai! That is ONE powerful and angst-filled scream!”

 

Queen Hedrian actually cries, and says: “It's all been a joke! All my plans to conquer Core Earth have been NOTHING but a big fat joke!!!! Demon King Banriki, he WARNED me not to LISTEN to him! But, I was SO consumed by my want for REVENGE, to take out my anger on the Power Rangers; I pushed him AWAY!!!! I pushed EVERYONE who could have WARNED me away! I was so INTENT on making the Blood God proud; I wouldn't CONSIDER anything else!!!! And that CREEP; Radiguet, he was MIND-RAPING me this WHOLE time; and I LET him do it like a STUPID CHILD!!!!”

 

Omnus hugs her tenderly, and he says: “I don't think you're stupid. Selfish? Yes. Misguided? Yes? Misinformed? By FAR!!!! But you are NOT stupid! All things considered, you're one of the more CLEVER villains the Power Rangers ever fought against!”

 

Queen Hedrian asks: “So WHY did I fall for it? How could I let myself be DECEIVED by Radiguet?!”

 

Omnus says: “Sadly, you are hardly the first that Radiguet has LIED to in such a way! At the very least, Trakeena, Queen Bansheera, Master Org, Lothor, Mesogog, Emperor Grumm, Dai Shi, and even Emperor Marvo, all listened to and DIED by the advice of Radiguet posing as Khorne! If it weren't for Radiguet, there is a very GOOD possibility that Trakeena, Mesogog, Emperor Grumm, Dai Shi, and Emperor Marvo WOULD have won in their fights against the Power Rangers!”

 

Queen Hedrian says: “My whole BODY of work has been MEANINGLESS!!!!”

Omnus says: “Only your EVIL body of work!!!! But Radiguet is GONE, NOW!!!! He KNOWS that I'm protecting you, NOW; and he WON'T risk getting attacked mentally ever again by trying to deceive you!”

 

Queen Hedrian gets up off the ground, stops crying, and she says: “Well, I guess there's no more point in trying to scheme behind your back, anymore. I'm not completely sure how much of it was my own petty behavior, or just Radiguet trying to get me hurt or WORSE; but there is clearly no way I COULD succeed as things are; I'm HORRIBLY over-powered, and with no resources or loyal crew to back me up!”

 

Omnus asks: “So are you willing to officially join us now?”

 

Queen Hedrian says: “I don't know why Radiguet wanted to go after me, and I'm not sure I want to know. But...I do know, that I'm TIRED of being lied to! I'm tired of being treated like just SOMEONE who is useful to do the dirty deeds of someone else! I'm tired of living that way, Omnus! Let the Chaos Gods do whatever they WANT to me when I die! All I care about, is being with the first being, who has EVER cared about me for MORE than just the things I can DO for them! Someone who cares MORE about me, than I EVER cared about myself! Omnus...I'm not sure if this is really love; or if this is what love is supposed to feel like. But...whatever it is; I think I would be a lot happier living WITH you, than living without! There will be no more schemes from me; that part of my life, is over.”

 

Omnus happily says: “That's all that I EVER wanted to hear from you, Queen Hedrian.”

 

Queen Hedrian says: “Machiko. My first name is Machiko.”

 

Omnus leans in close to her, and he says: “All right, Machiko.”

 

But before they can DO anything; they hear a space-ship crash right near the Command Center! Alpha Eight says: “Aye-yai-yai-yai-yai! An Irken space-ship has CRASHED right outside our door!!!!”

 

Omnus says: “That's strange. I'm detecting no malice from them!”

 

And a strange beeping alert comes through the Viewing Globe! Alpha Eight says: “Aye-yai-yai-yai-yai! They're actually sending us a DISTRESS message! It's URGENT!!!! It seems that they NEED to talk to us immediately! It is of the UTMOST importance!!!!”

 

Omnus says: “Than we must find out what it is! Transport the Irkens in here IMMEDIATELY!!!!”

 

Alpha Eight pushes some buttons, and Zim and Skoodge are warped into the Command Center! Zim gasps, and he says: “HELP!!!! Queen Hedrian! Irkens! Crushed, DESTROYED!!!!”

 

Omnus says: “Just take a deep breath! And tell us what the problem is.”

 

Zim says: “Have you ever heard of the Vyram alien who calls himself Radiguet?!”

 

Omnus says: “We kind of just had our own situation with him! What happened?!”

Zim, holding back tears, says: “Radiguet just DECIMATED our entire race! He KILLED us all! He must have been IRRITATED about something regarding Queen Hedrian!”

 

Queen Hedrian says: “I'm Queen Hedrian! Why is Radiguet irritated about me?”

 

Zim says: “I have no way of knowing; but in any case, he sent us to tell you, that if Dr. Maniac and Queen Beryl don't end your life first; than HE will come to Core Earth, and end your life in the most HORRIFIC manner you can THINK of; maybe even WORSE!!!!”

 

Queen Hedrian gulps, and nervously asks: “ME?!!!”

 

Omnus sighs, and he says: “I didn't think Radiguet would find out this soon. Apparently, Radiguet is NOT as arrogant as I thought he would be. It seems that he IS amassing power for one REAL purpose; he INTENDS to attack and attempt to conquer Core Earth again!”

 

Queen Hedrian says: “But my sister; Rita, the Magi-Mother; you said that her spell is PROTECTING Core Earth from any attacks by Radiguet!!!!”

 

Omnus says: “I think the connection is CLEAR; as to WHY Radiguet has been USING and abusing you! Without even realizing it, YOU were attacking us in SUCH a way, that it was actually WEAKENING the very barrier, keeping Radiguet OUT!!!! In other words, Radiguet was USING you, to ACCELERATE your OWN demise!!!! Radiguet ALWAYS WAS sadistic in the ways he CHOSE to torment his opponents!”

 

Zim says: “And he wiped out our entire RACE!!!!”

 

Queen Hedrian asks: “All one billion IRKENS?!!! That's not true!!!! That's IMPOSSIBLE!!!!”

 

Skoodge speaks up, and he sadly says: “It's true. Zim and I; we're...all that's left. We're the last two of our race left alive.”

 

Omnus says: “That's Radiguet, all right. Only he would be so MEAN, as to only leave TWO of a race he annihilates alive. He wants you to spread the word, and fear, that what has happened to your race, will eventually happen to Core Earth; but NOT before he TORTURES all he finds amusing enough to keep alive! That's ANOTHER part of his sadistic, and twisted nature!”

 

Zim asks: “What are we going to do?”

 

Omnus says: “Well, unfortunately, it's too late for your race. I honestly don't know what to say. But you're STILL relatively safe here, for the time being! I don't know the current strength of Rita's barrier spell, or how much longer it's going to last! That, I'll have to consult with Rita about it, and see if anything can be done to boost the strength and/or length of her spell! But we'll find a safe place for you, just as soon as we can!!!!”

 

(WHIR!!!! WHIR!!!!) The Alarm in the Command Center goes off, and Alpha Eight says: “Aye-yai-yai! Even MORE trouble abounds!!!!”

Omnus says: “Switch on the Viewing Globe; immediately!!!!”

 

Alpha Eight does so, and they see Neo Falcon, flying around the town of Angel Grove; specifically ATTACKING couples who are in love with each other! Queen Hedrian says: “I SWEAR!!!! Doctor Maniac is SO predictable!!!! No sooner do I decide that MAYBE I'm actually falling in LOVE with you for real, does he decide to send a monster to ATTACK couples who ARE in love with each other!”

 

Omnus says: “This has nothing to do with us; I'm afraid. Skoodge and Zim, can the two of you hold on for a while? I'm afraid we've got urgent business to take care of.”

 

Skoodge says: “It's not like we're in a great big rush! Our species is extinct, either way!”

 

Omnus says: “Not entirely. Zim has just recently discovered that Irkens are actually reproductive compatible with HUMANS!!!! And because of your unique alien gender alignments; you can actually reproduce either as the male, or the FEMALE of whoever you mate with!”

 

Skoodge gasps, and asks: “Is this...TRUE Zim?!!!”

 

Zim blushes, and he says: “Well, I always DID fantasize about me and Dib together! So...I kind of took some D.N.A.; samples to see whether the two of us could...do it together or not!”

 

Skoodge happily says: “Suddenly, the outlook for the two of us doesn't look so bad!”

 

Omnus says: “That will do! I must contact the Power Rangers right now!!!!” /

 

In Adam's Gym, in Coastal Falls, the action shifts inside! While Alpha Six has done an AMAZING job with the gym, filling it with unique alien machines and exercises from around the cosmos, the action focuses in on one of the physical classes being taken inside. The class is called “Naturalist Yoga”; so named, because all who are IN the class are stretching NAKED!!!! Although to be fair, only anthropomorphic animals and space aliens from other planets seem to be in the class. Among them, are Lettuce, Pinkie Pie, the anthropomorphic D.O.G., Coop, Samson, Edward, and Almondine. Lazlo is leading the class.

 

Lazlo says: “Welcome students; to our first session of Naturalist Yoga. I want each of you to thank Adam for being so understand of my desires and needs, by letting us have this class without question. Now, for our first session, we are going to learn how to find the energy within ourselves; or, what the Japanese call; your 'Chi', and bring it to the surface!”

 

Edward asks: “Just one question; what does this 'Chi'; look like or is SUPPOSED to look like?!”

 

Lazlo says: “Well, it's kind of like a...sort of like a...this could be harder to explain than I thought.”

 

Coop says: “It's like THIS!!!!”

 

And Coop produces a green fireball of energy from his left hand, sends it flying all around the students, grabs it with his right hand, than sends it FLYING into a piece of wood being held by Adam, and it disintegrates! Adam says: “Wow! You are definitely BlackHawk's younger brother all right!”

 

Lazlo says: “Yes; it's like that. As our student Coop has shown us; energy exists not just outside us, but is accessible with our bodies. But many humans, and a good number of anthropomorphic animals and even some aliens, don't understand this concept. The reason for this, is that they do not appreciate who they TRULY are! They do not appreciate the goodness in others, just because they have different values! But just because they have different values, that doesn't automatically make them bad! We need to realize the potential within ourselves! Because we ALL have the potential for being able to utilize the energy within each and every one of us! And once you find it; you never lose it! Simply start, by finding the energy inside yourself; or, what the Japanese call; your 'Chi', and bring it to the surface!”

 

Coop, being a Woo Foo Warrior, creates a healthy-sized green energy ball almost immediately; but everyone seems to really STRUGGLE with it! Pinkie asks: “Doesn't this seem ODD to you?!”

 

Lettuce asks: “Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black; or something like that?! Besides, BlackHawk suggested that this class would be a GOOD thing for us! If we LEARN how to harness our inner energy, we can USE energy attacks the way HE can! It will help us become better fighters, and will give us an edge against those CREEPS we have to fight against!”

 

Pinkie says: “But I don't want to BE a fighter! I want to be an artist!”

 

D.O.G., says: “I personally don't want to fight either. But you Power Rangers could use all the help you can get! And confidentially, BlackHawk told me that having a good mastery of your inner energy, can also help you FLY!!!!”

 

Lettuce excitedly says: “You mean if I master my inner energy, I can eventually FLY?!!!”

 

D.O.G., says: “Sure! StarHawk once told me that on her home planet, even a new-born can experience the joy of flight! It all comes from being able to access your inner energy!”

 

Samson says: “I think I got something! It's faint, but it's there!”

 

And sure enough, a small, but very VISIBLE point of white light, radiated from Samson! Lazlo, Edward, and Almondine all follow suit, but they quickly collapse. Samson stops, and he says: “That's not as easy as Coop makes it look!”

 

Coop says: “Don't expect to get it as fast as I did! I've TRAINED in these special techniques for a while, so it's only natural that I'd be better at it!”

 

Lettuce says: “I think THIS is IT!!!!”

 

And Lettuce produces a BRIGHT, green fire-ball of energy, that manages NOT to hurt him!!!! Coop is visibly amazed, and he says: “WOW!!!! Impressive!!!!”

Pinkie says: “Like THAT?!!! Let me SEE!!!!”

 

And Pinkie produces a BRIGHT, pink fire-ball of energy, that manages not to HURT her!!!! Coop says: “Most impressive! Make that; MOST of you shouldn't expect to get it as fast as I did!”

 

D.O.G., says: “I think I've got something! WATCH!!!!”

 

But instead of producing a bright fire-ball, many rays of LIGHT flood the room; and would've BLINDED everyone if they didn't QUICKLY close their eyes!!!! Lazlo asks: “What is THAT?!!!”

 

D.O.G., says: “I don't know! I was just thinking about how happy I was to be with BlackHawk and everything; and the next thing I know; a bunch of LIGHT shot out from my hands!”

 

The light dies down, and everyone gets up!

Samson says: “I think there's more to this energy stuff than simply HAVING the necessary strength to express it. I think you also have to have the proper emotion needed to attack with. If you have a strong emotion, you might have a stronger attack!”

 

Pinkie says: “That makes sense! Just like the love Lettuce and I have for each other! We'll have to keep that in mind for our future fights against bad guys!”

 

(Beep! Beep! Ba-Beep! Beep! Beep!) Adam says: “And speak of the devil! It sounds like your alarms are going off now!”

 

Alpha Six says: “Aye-yai-yai-yai-yai! That definitely takes ME back; all right!”

 

Lettuce, D.O.G., and Pinkie quickly put their clothes on; and Lettuce activates his communicator! Lettuce says: “Talk to me Omnus; what have we got?”

 

Omnus says: “Rangers; Dr. Maniac has sent his evil soldier; Neo Falcon, to attack loving couples in Angel Grove; including Alphys and Undine!”

 

Pinkie says: “Can't we EVER catch a BREAK from this routine?!”

 

D.O.G., says: “I've been asking myself the same question for the past 200 years, and the answer is apparently NOT!!!!”

 

Adam says: “Trust me; from personal experience, it is a LOT better to have reliable morphing powers and NOT need them; than to NEED them and NOT have them!”

 

Over the communicator, a familiar voice is heard! Tommy says: “I'm in the area! I'll hold them off!”

 

Omnus says: “Tommy! NOT...he's not answering! He IS brave; I'll give him THAT!!!!”

 

Lettuce asks: “What GOOD is bravery if it ends up getting you KILLED?!”

 

Alpha Six says: “You SHOULDN'T worry! He's HAD like; five major RANGER powers in his life, I think he's going to be okay!”

 

Pinkie says: “Yeah, well; Kendrix thought she was protected by her powers, and it ended up COSTING, her own physical body, for a good CHUNK of her journey to Mirinoi!”

 

Omnus says: “I've already contacted the other Rangers! But Toby won't be able to help you. He's busy attending to his younger brother!”

 

D.O.G., says: “We'll just have to get by without him. I mean, Tommy is like PLUS Two Rangers, anyways!”

 

Lettuce says: “We better get to the Command Center; it's MORPHING time!” /

 

Lettuce says: “Power of Jupiter! Lightning!!!!” / Pinkie says: “Power of Venus! Aether!!!!” /

 

Lettuce, Pinkie, and D.O.G., warp to the Command Center, and upon arriving there, Lettuce and Pinkie take off their helmets. They are soon joined by Naruto, Usagi, BlackHawk, and Ebony! Ebony sourly says: “This BETTER be FREAKING important! BlackHawk and I just got FINISHED 'performing' in MANY various stunts of the Kama Sutra!”

 

Naruto shouts: “EBONY!!!!”

 

BlackHawk protests, and asks: “WHAT?! We DID!!!! And since Ebony likes to brag; I'll save her the trouble, and admit that we DID it for the first time; 44 TIMES!!!!”

 

Ebony says: “Apparently; once a Hawkian's sexual drive is turned ON; it's hard for them to turn it back OFF again!!!! I'd chalk it up to reproductive instincts!”

 

Usagi says: “Well, it's time to turn off such unimportant talk! I'd like to be with Kras'hir; but she heard that evil members of Team Rocket were lurking about in Johto, where Toby and his younger brother currently are, so she went off to kill them so they wouldn't interfere with the recovery of Toby's younger brother in Johto!”

 

Omnus says: “Save your conversations for later, Rangers! You must deal with Neo Falcon and some Mecha Clones attacking Angel Grove! Tommy is currently holding them off! But with their Mechanical resistance, even HE is having some difficulty!”

 

D.O.G., says: “The rest of you, better morph as well!”

 

Usagi says: “Good call, D.O.G.! It's MORPHING time!” /

 

BlackHawk says: “Spinosaurus!” / Naruto says: “Power of Mars! Fire!” /

Ebony says: “Power of Earth! Air!” / Usagi says: “COSMORPHER! Sailor Moon! White Ranger Power!” /

 

Tommy, clad in Green, and with his short hair-cut and goatee from his days in “Power Rangers Dino Thunder;” is GRADUALLY wearing down the Mecha Clones, who can't keep UP with all of Tommy's superb martial arts skills!!!! Neo Falcon screams: “He's just ONE human!!!! Just HIT him, already!!!!”

 

But despite their best efforts, the Mecha Clones are unable to do so, and they finally ALL fall down, and disappear BACK to Queen Beryl's ship!!!! The Power Rangers warp in, and Naruto says: “We're here to help...TOMMY?!!! Don't tell me that you managed to beat ALL those Mecha Clones by yourself?!”

 

Tommy chuckles, and he says: “Come on! You don't THINK that everybody ELSE calls me the BEST for NOTHING; do you?!”

 

Neo Falcon says: “Very impressive...for a MERE human, but such tactics, will not work against ME!!!!”

 

Tommy says: “Lucky for me; I AM no mere human! I'm a Power Ranger! And I have my choice of four ADDITIONAL powers that I can use for such an occasion! The FIFTH one; I have to SAVE for a SPECIAL occasion! (Tommy pulls out his Dragonzord Morpher!) It's been a while, but; It's MORPHING TIME!!!!”

 

/ Tommy gets an IMPROVED morphing sequence, SIMILAR to Adam's from “Once a Ranger!” Tommy is standing on a busy ocean port, the wild waves SPLASHING all around him! The Green Mighty Morphing Power Ranger costume surrounds him, while the Dragonzord RISES out of the ocean to celebrate his morphed appearance! The morph finishes, and Tommy says: “Dragonzord!!!!” /

 

Tommy says: “Witness what a fully-powered Dragon Dagger can do!!!!”

 

And with incredible SPEED; Tommy BLASTS two green lasers from his Dragon Dagger; hitting Neo Falcon TWO times in his left wing, SEPARATING the wing from his body! Than Tommy fires two MORE green lasers from his Dragon Dagger; hitting Neo Faclon in the right wing, separating the wing from his body!! Neo Falcon says: “You JERK!!!! I just UPGRADED my wings from stone to flesh! Now I'm REALLY mad!!”

 

Tommy says: “Your powers and strategies are about two decades out-dated from MY personal perspective, and about two centuries out-dated from Toby's and Lettuce's perspectives!”

 

Neo Falcon says: “Lucky for me; I've got an improvised TRICK for this occasion, just for YOU!!!! MWA!!”

 

And concentrating REALLY hard; Neo Falcon produces TWO giant sized monsters, giant versions of Neo Aquaiger and his OLD Gargoyle Falcon form! Neo Falcon says: “CHOOSE; RANGERS!!!! Do you prevent ME from attacking LOVING couples, or do you SAVE the city from the giant MENACES?! FAREWELL!”

 

And Neo Falcon zooms off TOWARDS the mountains on the out-skirts of Angel Grove! Usagi says: “Fool! I may not be controlled by the Blood God anymore, but I can think up of good plans BETTER than ever! BlackHawk and Tommy, you double-team and take out the giants! The rest of us will go after Neo Falcon and stop him before he HURTS anybody!!!!”

 

BlackHawk says: “I've always wanted to FIGHT with the legend himself!”

 

Tommy says: “You're pretty tough yourself, from what I've been hearing!”

 

BlackHawk says: “I need Dinozord power, NOW!!!!”

 

The Spinosaurus zord hears BlackHawk's call, and runs to him! Tommy, uses his Dragon Dagger as a flute, and summons the Dragonzord from the sea! It emerges as fresh and as pristine as the last time it was summoned! Tommy says: “You've got to admire the unique metal from Edenoi, used to construct the Dragonzord! No matter how long it sits in the ocean, it NEVER rusts!”

 

BlackHawk says: “I always DID wonder about that! Let's do it!”

 

And they both jump in their zords! BlackHawk says: “Tommy! It looks like our zords our compatible with each other! We can link them up, and do REAL damage to those freaks!”

 

Tommy says: “All right! Time for some mega-zord ACTION!!!!”

 

The chest and the tail separate from the Dragonzord, and it's primary head recoils, revealing a WARRIOR head! The Spinosaurus tail separates, and forms a POWERFUL drill! The Spinosaurus jumps into the reformed Dragonzord; and form a POWERFUL coat of armor protecting the Dragonzord! With a powerful Spinosaurus Drill and powerful Dragonzord tail now functioning as a powerful drill spear; Neo Aquaiger and the giant Gargoyle Falcon REALIZE they are horribly out-matched!

 

BlackHawk and Tommy say: “Legendary Dragon Megazord!!!!”

 

Neo Aquaiger says: “Are you going to fight us with those TOOTHPICKS!!!!”

 

Tommy says: “We're not going to FIGHT you! We're going to destroy you!”

 

BlackHawk says: “Double DRILL attack!!!!”

 

And powering up the two weapons, they bore right THROUGH Neo Aquaiger and the giant Gargoyle Falcon!!!! Neo Aquaiger says: “NO!!!! Our atoms are DISINTEGRATING!!!! We're gone...for GOOD!!!!”

 

And they both hit the ground and EXPLODE!!!! Tommy says: “That was one cool maneuver!!!!” /

 

Neo Falcon reaches the mountains just outside of Angel Grove; and begins attacking couples who have decided to hike up there today! Neo Falcon says: “For humans, they sure can DUCK fast! I've got to be QUICKER on the draw! My master needs the ENERGY!!!!” /

 

On the mountains, just WHO should be walking around except Bash and Smash, walking with Alphys and Undine, who have Sans, as their GUIDE?! Sans says: “You guys are lucky! Today is my first day as a guide for the scenic Angel Grove mountains! You'll see many native varieties of pines and fir; which, despite it's name, does NOT give you fur coats for the winter time!!!! Ha, HA!!!!”

 

Smash Swallow sighs, and asks: “Remind me; why did I AGREE to do this with you again?!”

 

Bash Buzzard says: “Seriously?! My parents are HOUNDING me about the LACK of my good grades! We've got an important test coming up in Geography class, and it's worth like, sixty percent of our final grade at LEAST!!!! We NEED to ace the test, Smash; and Sans can help us with ANYTHING!!!! I'm not sure how, but he SOMEHOW, always KNOWS just HOW we need help!”

 

Alphys says: “It's too bad you weren't born as a naturally smart, yellow lizard thing, like I was. I got straight A's; and I managed to skip the first, third, fifth, seventh, ninth, and eleventh years of my academic classes! I graduated when I was only twelve!”

 

Smash Swallow sarcastically says: “How GOOD for you! In the meantime, the rest of us actually have to STRUGGLE to get ANYTHING near a good grade!”

 

Undyne sighs and says: “It's not like YOU two are the only ones who don't WANT to be here! I would rather be back HOME; polishing up on my warrior skills, just in CASE, Alphy's Mettaton creation ever MALFUNCTIONS again!!!!”

 

Alphys groans and says: “COME ON!!!! ONE malfunction, and you LABEL the thing for LIFE!!!!”

 

Bash Buzzard asks: “Why do you even HAVE that thing?”

 

Alphys says: “For RESEARCH!!!! I want to study it's brain patterns, and analyze it's way of thinking, in order to create a more compassionate, more understanding artificial being! I just LOVE making things BETTER than they already ARE!!!!”

 

Sans says: “I kind of NOTICED!!!! But Undyne; why are YOU here, if you don't WANT to be here?!”

 

Undyne sighs, and says: “I lost a bet. Apparently; Yami Yugi in Yu-gi-Oh DOESN'T win every single duel by playing the Exodia cards!”

 

Smash Swallow says: “Even I knew that Yugi didn't do that; and I watched every single episode of the FIRST two seasons!”

 

Sans says: “Can we FOCUS on why THREE of you need to be here?!”

 

Alphys says: “Research on the local flora and fauna!”

 

Bash Buzzard sighs, and says: “Basically, the same. But for school, not for curiosity!”

 

Smash Swallow says: “Ditto! But that doesn't mean I have to LIKE it!!!!”

Bash Buzzard says: “You don't even like MIGRATING back to San Juan Capistrano, for your annual family reunions every summer, but you do it anyway!”

 

Smash Swallow says: “I only do it just in CASE my parents have changed their minds about DUMPING me with my aunt and uncle! So far, no dice!”

 

Bash Buzzard says: “Well, maybe if you ace THIS test, they'll change their minds!!!!”

 

Than Neo Falcon zooms in, and starts BLASTING them!!!! Sans says: “WATCH it! The ground around here is very UNSTABLE!!!! It could give AWAY if you're not careful!!!!”

 

Neo Falcon scoffs, and says: “Do you think I care about that?! Which of YOU are loving couples?!”

 

Smash Swallow nervously says: “For the record; Bash and I are just good friends! No shenanigans go on between the two of us; like, EVER!!!!”

 

Bash Buzzard says: “Agreed! I only like GIRLS!!!! Granted, I haven't MET a girl who actually LIKES the fact that I sometimes eat rotting carcasses; but STILL...!”

 

Undyne angrily says: “Alphys and I are a loving couple!!!! You've got a PROBLEM with that?!!!”

 

Sans says: “OOH!!!! You pressed her BERSERKER button!!!! If you keep going on the way you are now; you're going to have a bad...”

 

Neo Falcon angrily says: “SHUT UP!!!!”

 

And Neo Falcon SHOOTS again; and the ledge that Sans is standing near gives WAY; and he APPEARS to fall down a SHEER cliff; and the sound of the BLAST causes rocks from FARTHER up the mountain to FALL down BEHIND Neo Falcon, leaving the now FOUR victims trapped between ROCKS and a SHEER drop-off!!!! Alphys says: “Undyne! We're TRAPPED!!!! Sans is...GONE; and I don't think MERCY is going to be an OPTION with this monster!!!!”

 

Sans shouts: “I'm FINE!!!! There was this CONVENIENTLY located, little tree that STOPPED my fall!!!!”

 

(CREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!) Sans seriously says: “But Undyne! You and the others MIGHT want to hurry! Even with MY light weight; I don't think the tree will hold ONTO me much longer!”

 

Undyne angrily says: “If you PUSH me; you're going to be DEAD!!!!”

 

Neo Falcon says: “I want to push you around! Oh, I will! I WILL!!!! I want to PUSH you DOWN!!!! Well, I will! I WILL!!!! I want to take you for GRANTED!!!! I want to take you for GRANTED; and I will, I WILL!!”

 

But before Neo Falcon can fire, Lettuce's NEW Verde Starship Blasts the rocks blocking the path back down, and shoot Neo Falcon DOWN to the ground!

Lettuce says: “Flying in the air! It's the ONLY place for a BIRD to be!”

 

Ebony and Pinkie zoom in on the Electric Shocker; and Pinkie says: “Do you trust me?!!!”

 

Smash Swallow LITERALLY gets hearts in his eyes, and he says: “More than ANYONE else on Core Earth!”

 

Ebony says: “Than come with us, if you want to live!”

 

Bash Buzzard asks: “But what about our RESEARCH?!!!”

 

Alphys says: “I'll e-mail you my notes, later! Just don't copy them, verbatim!”

 

Bash Buzzard sighs, and says: “Oh, all right!”

 

And Bash and Smash both get in the car with Ebony and Pinkie, and they ZOOM back down the mountain! Naruto charges up on his Fire Blazer, and he asks: “Alphys and Undyne; are you BOTH okay?!”

 

Undyne says: “We're fine! But Sans is in trouble! He's trapped on a tree below the ledge! He needs a Ranger's help!!!!”

 

Naruto talks into his communicator, and he asks: “Usagi; you've got this?!” /

 

In her Sailor Moon Cruiser, Usagi says: “With this machine, I can do ANYTHING!!!!” /

 

Sans looks up, and he says: “Cool! It's a Power Ranger! My life is--!!”

 

(RIP!!!!) Sans' clothes are RIPPED off him by the thorny tree and Sans screams: “SAVED!!!!”

 

Thankfully; Usagi ZOOMS in at super-sonic speed, and opening the passenger door, flies DIRECTLY underneath Sans at the PRECISE right moment, and Sans hits the CUSHIONED interior of the plane!

 

Neo Falcon gets up, and he angrily says: “I've had ENOUGH of you meddling TWERPS!!!!”

 

Lettuce says: “Give it up, Neo Falcon! You're out-numbered in terms of numbers, and fire-power!”

 

(BOOM!!!!) And everyone turns around to see that Tommy and BlackHawk have finished with the giant monsters! Naruto says: “And NOW; you're out of giant monsters to send you back-up!”

 

Neo Falcon yells: “What about my PROMISE?!!! I was going to KILL at LEAST one of you!”

 

Naruto says: “Have you even CHECKED your own power level?! It's only a power level of 17,000! If it had been four months ago, you MIGHT have been a challenge for us! But the way things stand, you don't have a CHANCE against seven of us! EIGHT; if you count Undyne!”

 

Neo Falcon, thinking quickly; rushes over, and KNOCKS Alphys down! Her scientific equipment and plant samples fall to the ground, and Neo Falcon GRABS everything he can! Neo Falcon says: “I'll get even STRONGER than this, from THESE things, and I'll be back to FINISH you!!!!”

 

And Neo Falcon disappears!!!! Lettuce says: “Come on! At LEAST; give us a chance to USE our new Power Vehicles against you!”

 

Naruto asks: “Alphys, did he grab anything important?”

 

Alphys nervously says: “I don't THINK so! But given that it's Dr. MANIAC we're talking about; there's no telling what he could do with all of that replaceable stuff!” /

 

Ebony and Pinkie finish driving down the mountain with Bash and Smash, and they let them out of the car! Pinkie says: “This is as far as we can take you! You can call for help for here, and get to wherever you need to go to! We've got Ranger duties to take care of!”

And they drive back up the mountain!!!!

Bash Buzzard says: “That was INCREDIBLE! That was AMAZING!!!! Our lives were saved by the Power Rangers THEMSELVES!!!!”

 

Smash Swallow lovingly says: “I know! The Pink one was pretty cute!”

 

Bash Buzzard says: “Cute?! Think CRITICALLY; for ONCE, in your life! The Power Rangers saved our lives, and we have NO idea who they are! We NEED to find out their secret identities, so that we can thank them PROPERLY for what they have done! Besides; think of how JEALOUS Pinkie Pie will be, when you TELL her that you're DATING the Pink Power Ranger!!!!”

 

Smash Swallow asks: “Do you really think the Pink Ranger would be attracted to a guy like me?!”

 

Bash Buzzard says: “She's BOUND to be attracted to SOMEBODY!!!!” /

 

In Usagi's Sailor Moon Cruiser; Sans, not realizing himself, says: “Thank you SO much for saving my LIFE; Usagi! Is there ANYTHING I can DO to repay you?!”

 

Usagi takes one look at Sans' NAKED skeleton body, and she says: “Would you PLEASE put a pair of CLOTHES on?!” (Gilligan Cut!)

 

In Usagi's house, Usagi is back in her civilian clothes; Sans is now WEARING clothes, and Sans says: “Thank you SO much for saving my LIFE; Usagi! Is there ANYTHING I can DO to repay you?!”

Usagi says: “What are you TALKING about?! I'm a Power Ranger, and you're my friend! So, that kind of makes it a DOUBLE duty thing for me, to do for you!”

Sans says: “But I'm just SO indebted to you! I would do ANYTHING for you, in order to pay you back!”

Usagi gets a funny look, and she says: “Wait a minute! This isn't that whole; 'I saved your life, so now you're going to follow me ANNOYINGLY around EVERYWHERE until you eventually pay me BACK,' Plot; is it?!”

Sans, deadpan, says: “It is!” Than Sans faces a fourth wall, and he says: “Sorry; but we had to get around to DOING it, sooner or later!”

Usagi asks: “Sans; who are you talking to?”

 

Sans turns back to face Usagi, and he says: “Nobody; in particular!”

Usagi turns back from Sans, and out loud, she says: “You know; it actually doesn't sound like a BAD idea at all! I mean; BATMAN gets to have a butler!”

 

Usagi turns back to Sans, and she says: “All right! It's a deal! I'm the boss lady; you're the servant skeleton! Your job; is to do the cooking, sweeping, dusting, mopping, scrubbing, polishing, mending, knitting, shopping, laundry, washing, drying, and ANYTHING else I can think of!” /

 

A montage of scenes is shown. First, Usagi is shown watching a brand NEW 72-inch screen H.D.T.V., eating a box of chocolate strawberries that Sans is feeding her! / Usagi is in a limo that SANS somehow has; and she's eating a box of popcorn and drinking soda at a drive-thru movie that no one ELSE is using for the night! / Usagi wakes up, and gets to eat breakfast in bed, INCLUDING French Toast actually MADE in France; and Belgian Waffles imported directly from Belgium! / Sans holds up a white sweater, and he says: “I got the YELLOW out of your sweater!”

Usagi says: “It WAS a YELLOW sweater!” /

Sans holds up a yellow sweater, and he says: “I got the YELLOW back INTO your sweater! Let's just leave it to the IMAGINATION as to HOW I did THAT!!!!” /

 

The montage ends, and Usagi says: “What a wild couple of last days THOSE were! Bossing Sans around to do my bidding sure gets tiring! I think I'll take a break and get myself a bite of LUNCH to eat!”

But before Usagi can GO anywhere, she nearly BUMPS into Sans, who is STANDING right in front of her! And instead, Usagi FALLS over; in the hilarious fashion of “Dragonball fall-overs!!!! Usagi asks: “How did you DO that?!!! You're almost as sneaky as Droopy Dog, whenever he outwits that dumb, bad WOLF in those old Tex Avery cartoons!”

 

Sans says: “I replaced ALL your silverware with smart, self-cleaning SILVERWARE!!!! Now you will NEVER need to worry about dirty utensils EVER again!!!!”

Usagi says: “You didn't throw OUT all my OLD silverware, did you?! My human MOTHER gave me some of that silverware! It's IRREPLACEABLE!!!!”

 

Sans says: “That's not what Papyrus said! Confidentially; your mother got ripped OFF!!!! $20.99 for a FULL set of silverware?! PLEASE!!!! I UPGRADED for you! And I was able to convert your OLD silverware into nice little PLANT holders for your Back Garden!!!!”

 

Usagi laughs, and she says: “I DON'T have a back garden!!!!...(beat)...Do I HAVE a back garden?!!!”

 

Sans says: “Well, you do NOW!!!!”

 

Usagi runs into her back yard, and she sees the ENTIRE, formerly GREEN yard; converted into a greenhouse FILLED with plants from every SINGLE climate on Core Earth; including a HANDFUL of exotic alien plants that Sans got from WHO knows WHERE!!!!

Usagi says: “My BEAUTIFUL back YARD!!!! I was MAYBE going to convert it into a swimming pool, one of these days!”

 

Sans excitedly says: “OOH!!!! That's the plans for the FRONT yard! You'll NEVER have to go swimming at a public pool EVER again!!!!”

 

Usagi gets exasperated, and she says: “Will you PLEASE just STOP?!!! I don't want you to do any more CONVERTING; any more PLANNING; any more SHOPPING; or any more ANYTHING; got IT?!!! I just want a NICE, quiet, LUNCH for myself, that I will pay for, by MYSELF!!!! I don't want anybody pre-chewing my food so I don't HAVE to; I don't need ANYBODY testing my food to see if it's POISONED; and I certainly don't NEED to be carried there; I am perfectly capable of WALKING!!!!”

 

Sans thinks about it, and he winks, and he says: “I GET YOU!!!! You're just TESTING me, to see if I'm going to abandon you in your time of NEED!!!! Don't worry! I won't let down the girl who saved me!”

 

Usagi says: “You're NOT letting me DOWN!!!! Now stay, RIGHT HERE!!!!”

 

Usagi begins to walk, but she hears Sans feet SHUFFLE right behind her!!!! Usagi stops, and she hears Sans stops! Usagi steps once, and Sans steps once! Usagi steps three times, and Sans steps three times! Usagi quickly points up, and she says: “Look at the DISTRACTION!!!!”

 

Sans quickly looks in Usagi's pointed hand direction, and he says: “WHERE?!!!”

 

And Usagi QUICKLY runs off while Sans is distracted!!!! / A montage of running scenes is played, as Usagi keeps TRYING to find different places to hide, and different DISGUISES to use, in order to ESCAPE from Sans' pursuit; but just like Droopy Dog, Sans KEEPS finding Usagi EVERY single time; all to the tune of a FAMILIAR hit song by The Beatles! / “It's been a hard day's night, and I've been working like a dog! It's been a hard day's night, I should be sleeping like a log! But when I get home to you, I find the things that you do, will make me feel all right! You know I work all day to get you money to buy you things! And it's worth it just to hear you say, you're going to give me everything! So why on earth should I moan, cause when I get you alone; you know I feel OK! When I'm home everything seems to be right! When I'm home, feeling you holding me tight, tight, yeah! It's been a hard day's night, and I've been working like a dog! It's been a hard day's night, I should be sleeping like a log! But when I get home to you, I find the things that you do; Will make me feel all right; ow! (Guitar solo)

So why on earth should I moan, cause when I get you alone; you know I feel OK! When I'm home, everything seems to be right! When I'm home feeling you holding me tight, tight, yeah! It's been a hard day's night, and I've been working like a dog! It's been a hard day's night, I should be sleeping like a log! But when I get home to you I find the things that you do; will make me feel all right! You know I feel all right! You know I feel all right!” /

 

Usagi is meeting with the other Power Rangers, using the Simulation Planet for training, and instead, using it for hiding; hiding on a SIMULATED version of the Planet Mirinoi! Usagi says: “It's the most BIZARRE thing!!!! No matter WHERE I go; no matter WHERE I hide, he ALWAYS finds me!”

 

Naruto says: “And that's frustrating HOW?! You're the one who WANTED him as your butler!”

Pinkie says: “Exactly! You told me it would be FUN!!!!”

 

Usagi says: “Well, it WAS fun; at first! But now, it's just ANNOYING!!!! I can't even get a moment's PRIVACY to myself, the way he follows me AROUND!!!!”

 

Toby says: “I've missed the past three days, because I've been with my younger brother! By the way; he's almost all better! He's going to move back in with my mother and me, said he's had enough of Pokemon catching for now! It certainly makes my mom feel better!”

 

BlackHawk says: “That's good to know! By the way; Usagi, I noticed that Sans isn't with you right NOW!! How did you manage to ditch him THIS time?!”

 

Usagi says: “Simple! I ordered him to do the ONE task that Sans can NEVER do! Even WITH his crazy, capable, skeleton skills!!!!” /

 

Sans is BUSY (in VAIN!!!!) trying to teach Luna and Artemis (Usagi's cats), DOG tricks!!!! But all Luna and Artemis are doing are just SLEEPING on their cat beds!!!! Sans says: “Come ON!!!! Sit up!!!! Beg!!!! Roll over!!!! Fetch!!!! Play dead!!!! Will you PLEASE think about for something OTHER than yourself for MORE than a NANO-SECOND?!!!”

 

And Luna and Artemis unleash their cat claws, and start SCRATCHING Sans in a cartoon dust cloud! /

 

Back in the Simulation Planet, Ebony says: “Well, teaching two cats, DOG tricks, isn't going to keep Sans occupied forever! He's either GOING to give up the task EVENTUALLY; or he will FIND a way to DO it! THEN; what will you do?!!!”

 

Usagi says: “That's why I ASKED you to HELP me! To come up with an idea to STOP this whole STUPID idea, of Sans being my BUTLER!!!! He's TOO good at it; and he's TOO intrusive!!!!”

 

Lettuce says: “Well, the way I understand it; the whole thing STARTED when you saved HIS life, so if you get him to save YOUR life; that would make the BOTH of you, even!!!!”

 

Usagi scoffs, and she says: “Him save MY life to repay me saving HIS life?!!! You would THINK we could come up with something MORE original than THAT!!!!”

 

Naruto asks: “You've GOT a BETTER plan?!!!”

 

Usagi gets an anime sweat drop, and she sighs, and says: “Sadly, no.”

 

Toby says: “Don't worry. We'll set you up with something EASY!!!! Something that even SANS could save you from; and it won't ACTUALLY threaten your life even if something goes wrong!”

 

Usagi sighs in relief, and she says: “Thank you, I feel SO much better!!!!” /

 

Back in Queen Beryl's space-ship, Dr. Maniac is putting the FINAL touches, on using ALL the materials Neo Falcon has given him, in an attempt to STRENGTHEN him ONE last time! Dr. Maniac says: “That should do it! With the modifications I made to the supplies you stole from Alphys; you will be UNSTOPPABLE!!!!”

 

Farrah Cat says: “You're not HONESTLY going to try to strengthen up Neo Falcon AGAIN; are you?!”

 

Dr. Maniac says: “Don't try and STOP me!!!!”

 

Farrah Cat says: “Either YOU succeed, and he destroys the Power Rangers; or the process blows him up and I get MY shot at killing the Power Rangers! Either way, my day doesn't end up TOO badly!!!!”

 

Dr. Maniac says: “Use the energy from my portable Energy unit, and RECEIVE your power NOW!!!!”

 

Dr. Maniac FIRES at him, and turns Neo Falcon COMPLETELY gold; BULKING up his muscles, and giving him BRAND new WINGS; and laser RED EYES!!!! In a bold voice, Neo Falcon says: “I have the POWER!”

 

Meison sighs and says: “Dr. Maniac NEVER quite got over the cancellation of the ORIGINAL 1980's version of He-Man!!!! He kept hoping Skeletor would FINALLY get to kill OFF the blasted hero!”

 

Dr. Maniac says: “He-Man was GAY!!!! I can PROVE it!!!! But in the mean-time, why don't you USE your new-found POWERS, and DESTROY the Power Rangers ONCE and for all?! You can START by going after that BLASTED Tommy Oliver! He has been a THORN in the sides of evil for FAR TOO LONG!!!!”

 

Neo Falcon boldly says: “Dr. Maniac's sworn enemy, is MY sworn enemy!!!!”

 

And Neo Falcon flies BACK down to Core Earth, not even NEEDING a space suit this time around! Dr. Maniac chuckles, and he says: “The advantage ball, is in MY court NOW; PUNKS!!!!” /

 

In Angel Grove, Billy and Rocky are finishing up putting the finishing touches on their 'rescue' plan for Usagi! At the old Juice Bar; they have set up a ladder, a bucket of non-toxic white paint, all in a way which could CAUSE both the ladder AND the bucket to FALL on Usagi! Usagi says: “For the record; I still think this is a LOUSY plan! This is NEVER going to work!!!!”

 

Billy says: “For the record; the word 'Never'; is not a term that you will find me USING!!!! At least, not in terms of me coming up with a plan! I mean, have you ever known a plan of mine to NOT work, when it's NOT tampered with by somebody EVIL or something like that?!”

 

Rocky says: “Billy came up with the holistic rejuvenation remedy that cured my broken back after my days of being a Zeo Power Ranger ended! I'd trust Billy with my life!”

 

Usagi sighs, and says: “Fine! If you can trust Billy with your life, I guess I can, as well! I just hope that I don't get white PAINT over me!”

 

Lettuce says: “I'd be more worried about the ladder! We got the lightest one we could FIND; but still, I wouldn't WANT it to fall on me!”

 

Toby says: “Just stick to the plan; and Sans will take care of the rest!” /

 

BlackHawk is flying in the sky, talks into his communicator, and he says: “The hero is on his way! Take your positions and hide! We want to make SURE Sans doesn't doubt his own abilities to save Usagi!!” /

 

Pinkie says: “Will do! Break a LEG; Usagi!!!! Not; literally, of course!!!!”

 

The other Rangers hide; and stilted, Usagi 'accidentally' drops her paint roller! Usagi says: “Oh, no. I accidentally, dropped my paint roller on the ground.”

 

Ebony yells: “Is THAT the BEST that you can ACT?!!!”

 

Usagi says: “Does anyone WANT to be my stunt double?! I didn't THINK so!”

 

Usagi waits, and she sees Sans come into view, she 'accidentally' stumbles, and she says: “Oh, no. I accidentally TRIPPED on the ground, and TWISTED my ankle! I sure hope the PAINT can and LADDER that I set up; don't accidentally FALL on ME!!!! That would be TERRIBLE!!!!”

 

Neo Falcon appears, and he says: “Yes, it WOULD!!!!”

 

And a familiar voice flies in, and says: “HI-YAH!!!!!”

 

Rocky asks: “TOMMY?!!!”

 

Billy groans, and says: “Why does HE always HAVE to save the DAY?!!! He even SAVED Justin once; it's like an ADDICTION, for him!”

 

Tommy is now wearing all black, and he says: “Back for more?! I thought you would be!”

 

Usagi says: “Tommy; get OUT of here! You're ruining the...surprise!!!!”

 

Toby asks: “What surprise?!!!”

 

Usagi improvises, and she says: “The grand re-opening of Lieutenant Stone's Juice Bar; with a brand new paint of coat and EVERYTHING!!!!”

 

Tommy says: “I'll take care of the monster! Skeleton boy; take Usagi to safety!”

 

Sans says: “Yes, sir! As you wish, sir!!!!”

 

Neo Falcon says: “Do you think I'm just going to let them LIVE?!!!”

Tommy GRABS Neo Falcon's firing arm, and yanks it PAINFULLY away, but he fires DIRECTLY at the paint bucket, which teeters over, KNOCKING the ladder askew, and Sans dramatically says: “Usagi!!!!”

 

And in what SEEMS like a SLOW-MOTION sequence; Sans rushes in, PUSHES Usagi out of the way; but is unable to get OUT of the way of the falling ladder and white paint bucket HIMSELF!!!! The slow-motion sequence ends, and Usagi says: “Oh, no! Sans! SANS!!!!!!!!!!”

 

Tommy says: “I'm going to FINISH YOU!!!!”

 

Usagi, angrily says: “Don't you DARE!!!! This piece of meat is all MINE!!!!”

 

Neo Falcon says: “WHAT?!!! Power level 27,000?!!! Your power was supposed to go DOWN without Khorne's influence!!!!”

 

Usagi angrily says: “You don't know the first thing about us; do you?! We didn't GO to the Chaos Gods for help because we wanted to; we did it because we had to! And did you ever stop to THINK that MAYBE; just MAYBE the Chaos Gods were actually holding us BACK from reaching our TRUE potential?! That maybe their AFRAID of our TRUE powers, and were TRYING to limit us?! But without their INFLUENCE; I can achieve my OWN true potential, and I will USE that potential to bring you DOWN!!!!”

 

Sans weakly says: “You ARE a true hero! I was hoping that you would see the light, eventually!”

 

Neo Falcon angrily says: “So, you STILL live?!!! But you're a SKELETON!!!! You're DEAD!!!! I'll make you DOUBLE DEAD!!!!”

 

Usagi angrily says: “Wrong, again!!!! Because we're going to STOP you! Back to ACTION!!!!” /

 

A split-screen shot shows the Power Rangers; except for Usagi, morphing simultaneously. Than it shows Usagi's morphing sequence separately! / Tommy says: “Dino Thunder, Power up!!!!” /

 

Tommy doesn't GET an improved morphing sequence this time; instead using the same morphing sequence from his days as a Dino Thunder Power Ranger! Tommy says: “Brachio power, Dino Thunder!” /

 

BlackHawk says: “I don't know what kind of new powers you got, but it WON'T be enough to stop us!”

 

Neo Falcon says: “You can't beat me! I'm a better bird than YOU'LL ever BE!!!!”

 

BlackHawk says: “Those are fighting words! Lettuce, let's double-team this creep!!!!”

 

Lettuce says: “Right! Thunder Hammer!!!!”

 

And he SWINGS the Thunder Hammer at him, but it only knocks him back a few feet! Naruto says: “I think these creeps are getting STRONGER! This one can actually TAKE a blow to the head!”

 

Tommy says: “You've got new Power Vehicles, right?! Use them!!!!”

 

Toby says: “Good call!” /

 

Usagi says: “Sailor Moon Cruiser!” / Naruto says: “Fire Blazer!” / Lettuce says: “Verde Starship!” / Toby says: “Ice Smasher!” / Pinkie and Ebony simultaneously say: “Electric Shocker!” /

 

They all jump in their Power Vehicles, and Toby says: “Feels so GOOD to be back in a Power Vehicle!”

 

Lettuce says: “Let's show this creep what we're made of! Fire FULL arsenal!!!!”

 

And FIRING every single power weapon in their artillery, they fire upon Neo Falcon, and he says: “A combined power level of 58,000?!!! How; is that POSSIBLE?!!!” (BOOM!!!!)

 

Neo Falcons' body chunks fall to the ground, and Tommy says: “That's what I'm talking about! These creeps are no match for you!” /

 

Dr. Maniac angrily says: “Don't party just yet! That was just the appetizer! Now, try the main course! I hope you brought PLENTY of Mulan Szechuan McNugget Sauce!” /

 

And Dr. Maniac FIRES his Bigga Ray; and restores Neo Falcon, and makes him bigger!!!! Pinkie says: “Sheesh! These guys just never know when to QUIT!!!!”

 

Tommy says: “I've got this one! Brachio Staff!!!! Change modes!!!! Power of EARTH!!!!”

 

Tommy charges up his Brachio Staff, and it powers up an EARTHQUAKE that rocks the ground beneath Neo Falcon!!!! Tommy says: “Change modes!!!! Power of WIND!!!!”

 

Tommy's Brachio Staff powers up a HUGE twister; which KNOCKS Neo Falcon all around with its INTENSE powers, tearing off his WINGS let again!!!! Tommy says: “Final mode!!!! Power of FIRE!!!!”

 

And from the caverns of Core Earth, huge molten LAVA washes over Neo Falcon, destabilizing his body!! Neo Falcon says: “Dr. Maniac, I'm finished!!!! Eviscerate these BRATS for ME!!!!” (BOOM!!!!)

 

Tommy says: “If you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen!!!!” /

 

Queen Beryl sighs and says: “Looks like all of Neo Falcon's claims to strength weren't all they were cracked up to be! You've lost yourself a loyal soldier, Dr. Maniac! That does NOT look very good on you!”

 

Dr. Maniac sarcastically says: “I am SO worried!!!!” Than he seriously says: “As IF!!!! At least Neo Falcon got us some VERY valuable energy for us! We can store it for Queen Metallia's eventual revival! Neo Aquaiger and Neo Falcon were my two weakest soldiers, anyways! Although admittedly, they did last a lot LONGER fighting against the Power Rangers Bionic Force! That only means these Rangers are STRONGER than those older Rangers! Which means that my soldiers will just have to fight HARDER against them in order to kill them! I TRUST; YOU won't fail when it's YOUR turn; RIGHT, Farrah Cat?!”

Farrah Cat fiercely says: “With KHORNE as my WITNESS; I won't let you DOWN!!!!” /

 

It's later, at the newly re-opened Angel Grove Juice Bar. Sans is all cleaned up, and all patched up. And BlackHawk and Ebony are dancing together. Usagi looks at Sans; sighs, and says: “Sans, I need to, apologize to you. I took advantage of you. I REALLY thought having a butler would be a good thing! But, you just got TO into it! I wasn't thinking and...I'm really sorry about the whole thing. I guess, even without the Blood God's influence, I'm still capable of making a bad idea decision.”

 

Sans says: “Forget about it. You realized that you did something wrong, and you apologized. That takes a lot of courage, Usagi! There are FAR too many who NEVER admit it when they're wrong! And because they don't, that just causes FAR more problems for others, and eventually, themselves; than would occur for them if they would just ADMIT their mistakes in the FIRST place!”

 

Usagi says: “So; we're even, right?”

 

Sans says: “Of course! A life, for a life; to paraphrase the old saying! Besides, if you HAD kept going on the way you were going, you were GOING to have a BAD time!”

 

Usagi says: “You know, I really wish I knew I could tell whether you were JOKING whenever you made that statement, or not!”

 

Sans says: “I don't think you WANT to know! And quite frankly, I hope that I NEVER have to find out for myself, either!” /

 

Epilogue: BlackHawk and Ebony are slow-dancing at the Angel Grove Juice Bar, while a familiar tune by Genesis is being played. / Phil Collins sings: “Stay with me. My love, I hope you'll always be, right here by my side if ever I need you! Oh, my love! In your arms, I feel so safe and so secure. Every day is such a perfect day to spend, alone with you! I will follow you; will you follow me? All the days and nights that we know will be, I will stay with you; will you stay with me? Just one single tear in each passing year. With the dark; oh, I see so very clearly now. All my fears are drifting by me so slowly now; fading away. I can say, the night is long, but you are here. Close at hand, I'm better for the smile you give! And while I live, I will follow you; will you follow me? All the days and nights, that we know will be. I will stay with you, will you stay with me? Just one single tear in each passing year there will be! (Drum solo) I will, follow you; will you follow me? All the days and nights that we know will be. I will, stay with you; will you stay with me? Just one single tear in each passing year, I will, follow you; will you follow me? All the days and nights that we know will be. I will, stay with you; will you stay with me? Just one single tear in each passing year, I will, follow you; will you follow me? All the days and nights that we know will be. I will, stay with you; will you stay with me? Just one single tear in each passing year.” /

 

Episode Notes: Final appearances of Neo Aquaiger, and Neo Falcon, as they are both destroyed permanently in this episode. First appearance of Invader Zim and Skoodge in this series. Sadly, they also both lose the REST of the Irken Empire in this episode, because Radiguet DESTROYED the rest of them! Queen Hedrian officially renounces her evil ways in this episode, and reveals her first name to be Machiko. First time that Tommy has morphed since “Legendary Battle”, and he morphs into TWO different Ranger forms! The Dragonzord Green Mighty Morphing Power Ranger, and the Brachio Black Dino Thunder Power Ranger! First time that the Power Rangers have actually USED their new Power Vehicles in a fight against a monster! Bash and Smash make it their NEW goal to find out the secret identities of the Power Rangers; in a nod to the sub-plot Bulk and Skull had during season two of “Mighty Morphing Power Rangers!” Featured songs in this episode: “P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Things)”; “A Hard Day's Night”; and “Follow You, Follow Me”, also the name of the episode title!

Personal Notes: While I have HAD the idea of utilizing the whole “Someone Saves Someone's Life; and that someone feels that they have to repay their debt”, plot idea, since season one, this was the first opportunity I had where I could implement it. Also, I feel as though the series is kind of straying from it's roots as an action-adventure oriented series. Personally though, I feel that what season two seems to be doing, is showing that while saving the world is EASY for the Power Rangers, they have just as MUCH of a difficulty, living their own PERSONAL lives, as every other normal person does, as well! And the reason why Radiguet appears in this episode? To REMIND viewers/readers that he's STILL out there, waiting in the wings! So, even if the Power Rangers prevail against Doctor Maniac and Queen Beryl, there is still Radiguet's evil crew to contend with! /

That's my episode idea for today! Enough said, true believers!

[Rebel the Wolfgirl]

 

Germany Rising

 

The meeting of the top officials of the Reich was scheduled for 10:30 in the morning, in a large room with a long table and many chairs. This room was inside the Reichstag in Berlin,  and was originally intended for meetings between the Führer and his advisors. Now, it served a similar function, as the various power players of the Nazi hierarchy met and discussed various matters. All of the men who gathered had their own ambitions, none of which agreed with the desires of the others.

 

Heydrich arrived first, dressed in his usual attire, and took a seat at the head of the table. He nodded to the next man who entered. “Good morning, Herr Goebbels. Heil Hitler.”

 

“Greetings, Heydrich. Heil Hitler.” Goebbels said, taking a drink of his coffee. Heydrich noted that neither he nor Goebbels looked a day over forty, despite both of them being over a century old. They could both thank the work of the Alchemists for that. The Reich relied on supernatural advancements just as much, if not more, than technology. Heydrich leaned back in his chair. Himmler entered next, nodding at them both and taking his seat. “Greetings, gentlemen. A wonderful morning, isn't it?” he said, his voice soft and polite.

 

Heydrich nodded. “Ja, it is, indeed.”

 

Then the door opened again. “Ah, Hermann! It is good to see you.”

 

“It is good to see you too. Heil Hitler!” Hermann Göring replied. “Now, onto today’s business. I understand, Herr Reinhard, that you have reaquainted yourself with the one known as Firehawk, on a planet called Core Earth?”

 

Heydrich nodded. “Indeed, I have. She has proven to be most useful, as I am sure we are all well aware.”

 

Albert Speer, who had entered just after Göring, was taking notes, and caught on to the double meaning of Heydrich’s words. He suppressed a snort.

 

Himmler responded, “The technology from her homeworld has certainly helped the SS. With it, the combat equipment available to the men of the Schutzstaffel has jumped forward twenty years.”

 

“Now, this Core Earth…” Göring said. “There appears to be a...let me get this straight...color-coded team of heroes known as the Power Rangers, according to what Firehawk has said in her report.” The look on everyone else’s face upon hearing this was priceless. Goebbels just stared, understandably thinking this was a joke.

 

“You are pulling my leg, yes?” he asked.

 

“Do not ask me.” Hermann said, staring at him flatly. “Ask Reinhard.”

 

Heydrich said, his voice flat and devoid of humor, “No, he is not pulling your leg. This team is real.”

 

“Well, what exactly are they?”

 

“A team of young men and women who protect a single, island-like city called Coastal Falls which is located off the coast of what appears to be California, or at least their world’s equivalent.” Goring elaborated. “Mostly, threats seem to come in the form of weekly monster-like creatures.”

 

“Then they will not be a problem?” Goebbels asked.

 

“Do not assume, Joseph, that because this team only protects a single city and fights a recurring threat, they will not be a hindrance to whatever plans we will have for this world. For all we know, the large mechanical weapons they pilot, which they call ‘Zords’, could easily surpass our own technology.” Hermann replied.

 

Heydrich replied, pouring himself some scotch, “That, old friend, is where you are wrong. Our Hawkian friend graciously provided us with the schematics to these Zords in her last report. Our engineers have already begun work on creating machines of equal power. Now, you will all get a laugh out of the members of the team. Hermann, if you would please list them off?”

 

“Usagi Tsukino and Naruto Uzumaki, Aryan humans. Tobias Jones, also human. Retthi ‘Lettuce’ Manchot, a...penguin. Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way, also human. Pinkamena Diane ‘Pinkie’ Pie, a pastel-colored horse, as well as the penguin’s mate. Blackhawk Little, also Hawkian.” This caused the entire council to laugh uproariously.

 

Heydrich was grinning a bit. “Ah, but you have not heard the best part yet. All of the members of the team, save for the pony and the male Aryan, are bisexual or homosexual.”

 

“...” A silence fell over the council, disgust in their expressions. Finally, Goebbels spoke.

 

“Then they will be easily eliminated.”

 

Himmler said, “As much as it pains me to say it, I fear killing them will be easier said than done.”

 

“Oh?” Goring replied. “Do elaborate, old friend.”

 

“I have read the report from Firehawk, as well. There is one ally of the Rangers you failed to mention: The Bloodthirster.”

 

“There is a reason why. The Bloodthirster is a Khornate. You do not play games with Khornates.”

 

Heydrich said, his tone as flat and bored as if he was discussing the weather, “Which is why one of my contingency plans for dealing with the Power Rangers is destroying their city with a nuclear warhead.”

 

“...You are insane.” said Goebbels. “Do you realize that if you drop a warhead onto that city, then the government of Core Earth will retaliate with appropriate force?”

 

“Project Valkyrie is complete.” Heydrich responded. “Dr. Mengele sent his formal report announcing it this morning.”

 

“Ah, yes. And the Project will act as a springboard for our plans towards Core Earth?”

 

“Ja. The good doctor has done much in the name of the Reich’s advancement, wouldn't you agree, gentlemen?”

 

“Agreed.” said Goring. “And once we claim this world for the Reich, then conquering the rest of this ‘Federation’ will be easy enough.”

 

Heydrich nodded. The rest of the meeting was much less noteworthy.

 

Meanwhile, in Coastal Falls, the day seemed like any other: the Rangers were meeting at the Juice Bar as per usual, each of them trying to figure out what they’d do for fun. Pinkie and Lettuce were playing checkers, Naruto was running laps outside, Ebony was listening to Green Day and eating a pot brownie a la mode, Usagi and Kras’hir were chatting with Papyrus and Undyne, and Toby was making out with Blackhawk in a far isolated corner.

 

“Check mate!” said Lettuce.

 

“That’s chess, stupid.” muttered Ebony.

 

“Hey, who’s the one playing checkers here, you or me?”

 

“Hey, Lettuce?” Toby said.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Shut up. There’s no checkmate in checkers.”

 

“How do you know?”

 

“...Ask the Chaos God who plays chess.” Toby snarked.

 

Kras’hir, meanwhile, was telling war stories. Undyne listened intently, with Papyrus feigning interest. He wasn’t big on violence, to put it lightly, and Kras’hir’s war stories disinterested him. The story Kras’hir was currently telling was of a time, before she became a Daemon, where she had held off an entire army for several hours, in order to allow her allies at the time to escape.

 

“That’s awesome.” said Undyne. “Then what happened?”

 

“I got set on fire, shot in the head, and run over by a tank.”

 

“But you survived.”

 

“Rage is one Hell of an anesthetic.” Kras’hir responded.

 

“Amen to that, sister.”

 

Toby looked at Blackhawk, and asked, “Isn’t it kinda, y’know...awkward making out like this?”

 

“Nope.”

 

“Well, we are pretty far away from the others…” Toby said, blushing. Blackhawk grinned. Kras’hir turned to Usagi. “Hey, where's Starhawk?”

 

“She’s watching Sally Anne with Firehawk.”

 

Meanwhile, Firehawk, who was sitting in a chair as she watched Sally, was beginning to regret her agreement to do so. Starhawk was playing with the toddler, tossing a ball back and forth. Firehawk was bored out of her mind, her head in her hands. Sally tossed the ball, which was soft and rubbery, at Firehawk’s head. The Hawkian caught it, smirking a bit.

 

“Nice try, kid.” She said, tossing it back. Sally caught it, and tossed it to Starhawk. The game quickly grew boring, and Sally dropped the ball. Firehawk stood. She had taken the Zero Girls on a shopping spree for clothes not long after the four of them had arrived in Coastal Falls. She had bought clothes for herself, as well, including the dark purple longcoat she was currently wearing. Firehawk began to pace, still bored. The Zero Girls were in another room, playing poker.

 

“Go fish!” shouted Hedy. Eva groaned.

 

“This is poker, not Go Fish.” she said.

 

Thea said, “To be fair, none of us have played poker before. I'm still not sure of all the rules.”

 

“I know only a few. We’ve been making up the rules as we go along, it seems.” Eva said as Hedy began eating her cards. Thea and Nena both stared at her, eyebrows raised.

 

“Hmmm? I invented a new rule.”

 

“...Care to explain it?” Thea asked.

 

“Eating the cards means I forfeit.”

 

“...” Thea said nothing, continuing to stare, completely bewildered. Hedy got up and left. Thea blinked, turning to the others. “...What just happened?”

 

“Not sure.” said Eva. Nena looked equally confused. “Shall we go do something else?” Eva suggested. Nena and Thea both nodded. “What do you suggest?”

 

Thea considered it. “We could go for a walk or something. I don't know. I've never had to think of things for us to do in our free time, because we've never had free time before.”

 

“True. A walk does sound nice.” said Eva. Nena nodded in agreement. Thea said, “Very good, then. Let's go for a walk.” Eva led her three remaining sisters out, Hedy unintentionally staying behind. Firehawk had sat down in a chair near a window, having lit a cigarette. She looked at her coat. “I do like this longcoat. The color is beautiful.” She said, exhaling smoke.

 

“Indeed it is.” said Starhawk, who had put Sally down for a nap. “It looks good on you.”

 

Firehawk smirked, doing a little twirl. “Stop it, sister. You are making me blush.”

 

“It’s true. It’s just as beautiful as you, sister.”

 

Firehawk’s smirk softened into a genuine smile, before she walked over to Starhawk and kissed her cheek. “Thank you, sister dear.” Starhawk blushed, hugging her sister. Firehawk hugged her back.

 

“It’s good having you back, Firehawk.” Starhawk said. Her sister continued to smile, holding her close. Starhawk kissed her cheek, smiling. Anyone watching would have sensed the semi-incestuous tone of their interactions. Starhawk hugged her sister, enjoying her company. Firehawk continued to hold her close, stroking her sister’s back.

 

“Starhawk?” Sally asked, having woken up from her nap a bit early.

 

“Erm...go back to sleep, Sally.” said Starhawk.

 

“Why are you hugging your sister like Mommy hugs Usagi?”

 

Firehawk coughed awkwardly. She was blushing heavily, feeling very...warm in more than one place.

 

“Erm...because I love her?” Starhawk said-asked. Firehawk nodded in agreement.

 

“We are hugging like this because we haven't seen each other in awhile.” She said.

 

“OK. Can I get some water? I’m thirsty.”

 

Firehawk went to the kitchen, got a glass, filled it with water, and handed it to Sally. She drank and went back to bed. Starhawk sighed, relieved. Firehawk promptly embraced her again, the gesture far from an innocent, sisterly hug. This surprised Starhawk, who pushed her away. Firehawk smirked at her.

 

“Come now, sister dear. Do not act like Sally catching us ‘in the act’, so to speak, did not get you flustered. You were enjoying that embrace just as much as me, and not in the ‘I love my sister very much’ sort of way.”

 

“Yes, but it is taboo in this culture.”

 

Firehawk purred in her ear, her breath warm on Starhawk’s neck, “But do you really care?”

 

“I’m taken by two beautiful girls...you know that just as well as I do.”

 

“Again. Do. You. Really. Care?” Firehawk purred, already knowing the answer.

 

“No.” Starhawk admitted.

 

Firehawk said, “Then do what you've been wanting to for five minutes now.” Starhawk pulled her sister into a kiss: a long, deep, passionate kiss. Firehawk returned the kiss just as passionately, purring. Starhawk broke the kiss, overcome with a sense of guilt...but at the same time, euphoria. Firehawk felt nothing but euphoria, a pleasant chill running down her spine.

 

“This is absolutely wrong…” said Starhawk.

 

But it feels so right…” Firehawk whispered. Starhawk continued making out with her sister. It wasn't long before the kissing progressed into groping, and they soon moved to a bedroom. When they had finished, Starhawk purred softly. They laid together, naked and drained, panting. Starhawk grabbed one of Firehawk’s cigarettes, lighting it. Firehawk chuckled, stroking her sister’s back and hips.

 

“I see you have learned of the rather odd custom of smoking after great sex.”

 

“Yes. Kras’hir does it all the time.” said Starhawk. “...Now that we, to use the impolite term, fucked, what does this change about us? I cheated on my girlfriends…”

 

“If you'll recall, they are only your girlfriends because Kras’hir cheated on Blondie.” Firehawk said. Firehawk had started calling Usagi that the day before, much to the latter’s amusement.

 

“That is true.” said Starhawk. “But this is entirely different. I’m not sure they would be enthused to learn I just slept with my own sister.”

 

“Which is why we don't tell them.” Firehawk replied. Starhawk nodded, but still felt guilty. This sounded like one of Usagi’s romance mangas. Firehawk lit a cigarette of her own, taking a long drag. Starhawk noted this was very similar to, nay, exactly, the plot of one of the romance mangas Usagi read.

 

Firehawk said dryly, “You're in the top five on my ‘most pleasurable lovers’ list, Star. Congratulations.”

 

“Ummm...thank you, I suppose.”

 

Firehawk put out the cigarette, getting out of bed. She entered the bathroom attached to the bedroom, and got in the shower. Soft singing could be heard coming from the bathroom as she washed herself, cleaning her feathers with meticulous precision. Starhawk got up and joined her. This led to another round of lovemaking. When they got out, Starhawk dressed and looked at her sister. “...Does this change everything about you and I?”

 

“No. You're still my little sister, and I still love you. This just changes the way we interact, that's all.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

Firehawk smiled. Meanwhile, Heydrich was engaging in much less...pleasant business. He was standing in front of a line of people, all of them guilty of homosexuality. He stared them down, his face blank and expressionless. “I assume you all know why you have been arrested, ja?”

 

“Fuck you, you Nutzi bastard.” one man said, spitting at Heydrich. “You will never destroy us. Being gay is not a choice.”

 

In an instant, a shot cracked, the bullet tearing through the man’s throat in less than half a second.

 

“...You monster…” said a young woman. Heydrich looked at two nearby SS guards.

 

“Mach weiter, jungen. Sie ist jung und reif für die einnahme. Habe spaß.” He said, knowing that neither the woman, nor the other homosexuals, spoke a lick of German.

 

“The hell are you saying?” Another man asked.

 

“I said, ‘Go on, boys. She is young and ripe for the taking. Have fun.’”

 

“Oh, fuck…” the woman said as she ran. Another shot rang, and her left knee began to feel like it was burning. Her pained screams echoed for miles, and she fell onto her knees. The SS guards walked over, before beginning to drag her towards a nearby alley. Her pleads fell on deaf ears, as no one came to her aid, and understandably so: they would be shot if they did. The screaming grew louder and more high-pitched once the guards...got to work. Once the SS guards finished with her, another shot rang out. The woman fell, dead. Heydrich turned around. “Emma? Darling? Come here, will you?”

 

Emma was his daughter. Heydrich could see her nearby, watching. He noted she was wearing her SS uniform, the insignias marking her as a Sturmbannführer, the Schutzstaffel equivalent to a major. She marched, saluting her father briskly. “HEIL HITLER!”

 

He saluted Emma in return, before pulling her into an embrace. This came as a surprise to the SS men that were with him, as Heydrich was never this informal. That is, he was never this informal unless his daughter was around. “Ah, it is good to see you, sweetling.”

 

“And it is good to see you, father.” Emma replied. “A message for you.” She handed him a telegram. It was from a man calling himself Dr. Maniac, and he said that he wished to ally himself with the Reich, at the very least for one time only. Heydrich read the message, then pulled out his lighter, setting the telegram on fire and burning it to ash.

 

“Thank you, Emma. Now, it is fortunate you arrived when you did.” He said. “Do you have your sidearm?”

 

“Ja, father. Why?”

 

He said, gesturing to the line of homosexuals, “Kill one of them. Which one you shoot is up to you, along with how slow their death is.”

 

The men and women in line looked at her, before beginning to plead desperately for her to spare them, tears in their eyes. Emma pondered this, and said, “Nein. None of you deserve death.” She smirked. “All of you will be transported to my personal camp for...reacquaintance with the opposite sex.”

 

One of them spat at her. “Stupid Nazi cu-”

 

Heydrich had cut off the insult by shooting the man in the face. The bullet entered his eye and came out the back of his head, spraying blood and brain matter across the wall behind him. A soft groan escaped his lips before he fell forward, the tar beneath his head turning red with his blood. Heydrich holstered his sidearm, turned to Emma, nodded, then walked away, ignoring the desperate pleas coming from behind him. One of the women in line looked at Emma, whimpering, “W-what are you going to do to us?”

 

“I am going to give you a better life. You will not be put to death, nor forced to work.” On the surface, this was true. Emma’s personal camp was a comparative paradise, where you were treated relatively well as long as you did as she said. But Nazism, like all totalitarian regimes, has a funny way of having double meanings in everything those who follow its ideals say. One of the men stared Emma down, well aware that this wouldn't be as great as it sounded.

 

“I would rather die on my feet than live on my knees, serving you.” He said, before running at her, letting out a defiant scream. He was immediately shot in the stomach.

 

Anyone else willing to defy me will be shot. Those of you who value your lives, trust in me.”

 

The man gasped, “Don't...don’t listen to her. She's lying through her...fuckin’ teeth.”

 

Then, he died. Less than thirty seconds later, everyone in the line was glaring at Emma. All of the fear that had been there before was gone...and she was outnumbered by 50 to 1. They promptly ran at her...before automatic gunfire began echoing. The homosexuals were promptly shredded by machine guns, limbs, heads and chunks of flesh being blown off as they all collapsed, their corpses almost unrecognizable. By the time the guns went silent, the street looked like it was covered in raw meat.

 

“What a shame.” she said. “You would have enjoyed life in my camp.”

 

She was told not long after via telegram that a much larger group of ‘convicted sexual deviants’, as the message put it, had been sent to her camp. She grinned. This would be fun.

 

Heydrich, meanwhile, went to meet this ‘Dr. Maniac.’ The message had said to come alone. Heydrich, who was a distrusting man by nature, brought his personal SS guard unit along. Dr. Maniac, surrounded by Mechaclone bodyguards, extended a business card to the Man with the Iron Heart reading, “Dr. Maniac, Ally to Queen Beryl, Ruler of the Neo Empire Gear, and Mad Scientist by Profession.”

 

Heydrich asked, “Did this ‘Queen Beryl’ send you, or did you come on your own?”

 

“Oh, I came on my own, good sir. My intentions are purely for science, you see.” Dr. Maniac scribbled on another card, ‘EEEEVIL villain and arch-nemesis of the Power Rangers, also by profession.’

 

Heydrich was unimpressed. Any man who considered himself evil was deluded, and could never truly be devoted to his cause, as he would be too focused on committing ‘evil’ acts. “I call myself evil purely for bragging rights, though I am not like that bastard Radiguet. You want someone who is deluded, let me tell you…”

 

Heydrich didn't say a word. His guards stood nearby, watching, waiting, in case anything went wrong. After another minute of Dr. Maniac rambling and muttering to himself, Heydrich cut him off irritably,  “I trust there is a point to this meeting. I am a very busy man, Doctor, and I cannot afford to have my time wasted.”

 

“Ah, yes. You and I have the same goal: to defeat the Power Rangers. A common method, if you have not read the report sent to you by madame Firehawk, among enemies of the Rangers is to send a weekly monster into the city in which the current team is based. My proposition is that you try out the method for yourself via one of my Biobeasts, created through a process of genetic engineering and mind control in my Anthropomorphic Transformer machine.”

 

Heydrich smiled thinly, the expression cold and empty. “Ah, but we have already created a monster. Well, mostly. There is still some work to be done, which I am certain you will assist us with, ja?  After all, it would be most appreciated.”

 

“If it is for science, then yes.” Dr. Maniac said. “Please, do tell me about this monster of yours.”

 

Heydrich took him to an underground lab, where Dr. Josef Mengele, the infamous Angel of Death, was waiting for them. “Ah, Herr Reinhard! And you must be Dr. Maniac.” Dr. Mengele said, shaking the latter’s hand.

 

“Indeed I am, Dr. Mengele. It is nice to meet you.”

 

Dr. Mengele nodded, smiling. “The feeling is mutual.”

 

“So, Reinhard tells me that you are testing the normal method of battling Power Rangers. Do tell me, doctor, about this monster you’ve created.”

 

Dr. Mengele said as he began walking, “It began with Project Valkyrie. This highly classified operation was intended by those who planned it to create a new superweapon for the Reich. A living superweapon, completely under our control.”

 

Dr. Maniac followed him, writing down notes. “While I would normally ask why your monster does not have some sort of pun-based name, I can understand that the Reich is not much for humor.”

 

Mengele nodded in response. “We call it the Höllenbestie, or Hellbeast.”

 

“Much more fitting than some pun.” said Dr. Maniac. “Are you also aware that Rangers and monsters engage in banter during battles? I have always wondered why, despite my own place as an arch-enemy of Power Rangers.”

 

Both of the men had stopped, staring at him. “...Banter?” Heydrich asked. “You mean these Power Rangers spend time jesting with their foe instead of killing it?”

 

“Oh, no...they engage in rather snarky banter while trying to kill it. My best guess is that it keeps them more focused, as well as releasing any sort of tedium.” Dr. Maniac said, shrugging.

 

“What a complete waste of time.” Heydrich said. “Every soldier should be focused on the task at hand during combat, not telling pointless jokes. Believe me, this beast will engage in no banter. It is designed for killing, and nothing else.”

 

“Ah, good.” said Dr. Maniac. “What, exactly, do you need me to do?”

 

“Dr. Mengele will show you. I, alas, have other business to attend to. Good day, gentlemen.” Heydrich said, leaving. Mengele led Dr. Maniac to a rather large room, containing equipment, other scientists...and human test subjects. For the latter, this seemed like he’d died and gone to heaven, judging from his childlike expression of wonder. Mengele walked over to one of the restrained subjects. “Hello, Marie. How are we feeling today?” He asked softly and pleasantly, almost sounding like a doctor carrying out a routine checkup.

 

“Go to hell, Mayonnaise…” she growled, deliberately mispronouncing his name. “I WANT TO SEE MY HUSBAND AND DAUGHTER AGAIN!”

 

He said, his tone bored, “Do you know how often I hear that? People always want to see their families. Always. They never appreciate the work we are doing here. Such a shame…”

 

He shook his head, beginning to clean a scalpel. “You know, Mengele, I had a son once…” Dr. Maniac said. “His name was Prince, which is both a pun on his former status as my heir and my favorite music artist. How I hate him for betraying me. He deserved his death, as far as I am concerned.” Marie stared at the latter in horror.

 

“How can you say that, sir? You are just as callous as Mengele here.”

 

“I do not think of myself as callous. To do so would mean showing my emotions...disgusting things, they are.” Dr. Maniac said, which led into another rambling.

 

Mengele hummed to himself, before saying, “Marie, today is your lucky day. I am feeling generous, so I am going to release you.”

 

“Thank Gott…” she said, tears in her eyes. “Now I can see my family again…”

 

“I have already gotten all that I need from you.” He said, removing her restraints. “You may leave now. Eric over there will escort you out.” Mengele gestured to a nearby SS guard, who gestured for her to follow him. “Come, Frau Weber. I will take you home.”

 

“Danke…” she whispered, following him. Mengele continued cleaning his scalpel, humming once again. Maniac stopped rambling, looking at him.

 

“You let her go? Why?”

 

“She is no longer useful to me, but she is still useful to the Reich. As such, I let her go home.”

 

“I would have killed her. She has outlived her usefulness.” Dr. Maniac said.

 

“She is Aryan. She was here because she volunteered. She just didn't know what she was volunteering for.”

 

“I do not care. I despise organic life, ‘Aryan’ or not.” Dr. Maniac replied. “She would have died under my care.” This was unsettling, even for Mengele, it seemed.

 

“If you despise organic life, then why are you working with the Reich?” He asked.

 

“Because we share a common goal: to destroy the Power Rangers.” Maniac replied. “Though, as mentioned before, this is for one time only. Now, what are my duties in creating the Hellbeast?”

 

“Do you see the console in the corner?”

 

“Yes.” Dr. Maniac replied. “What is it?”

 

“Turn it on. There will be a list of files. Select the one titled ‘Valkyrie’, and follow the instructions.”

 

Dr. Maniac opened said file, and read the instructions. Following them required doing gruesome things to test subjects, such as flaying off skin and removing organs. Dr. Maniac followed them to the letter, enjoying the screams of his victims. What he was doing seemed pointless, but it served a purpose: The pained souls of the victims would be the power source for the Hellbeast. They would direct it, unleashing the hatred and rage they felt on the Rangers. The Hellbeast itself would be a gruesome creation, which would be demonstrated soon enough. For the time being, the two doctors continued their work.

 

Meanwhile, Firehawk and Starhawk snuggled, both of them still nude. Starhawk kissed her sister, smiling. They had made love for several hours, and were now too tired to move. Firehawk kissed her back, her hands running gently over her sister’s body. Their cuddling was interrupted by Undyne and Alphys, who’d walked in to check on them.

 

“What. The. Actual. Fuck.” Undyne said, her jaw dropping as Starhawk hurried to cover herself. “Did you two actually...you know…”

 

“Sleep with each other? Yes.” Starhawk said, looking at Alphys shamefully to see if she would say anything. Alphys merely stared, blinking repeatedly.

 

“That’s disgusting.” said Undyne. “Coop and his brother playing video games naked is one thing; there’s nothing sexual about it. This is entirely different.”

 

Firehawk stretched. “I don't regret any of it. My sister is quite skilled with her tongue. And, all things considered, this is hardly the worst thing I have ever done.”

 

“Still,” said Undyne. “It’s called incest. And besides, Starhawk cheated on her girlfriends with her own damn sister. That’s not only disgusting, but absolutely disrespectful.”

 

Firehawk stood, staring Undyne down. “Disrespectful? To who? Blondie? I'm sorry I'm not bowing down and licking her toes like the rest of you seem content to do, but she is not my superior, nor will she ever be. She is nothing but a naive, impulsive girl with a god complex.”

 

This angered Undyne to the point where she threw a spear at a wall near Firehawk. Firehawk snorted.

 

“Ooh, scary. Was that supposed to make me feel sheepish and apologize? Well, I'm not sorry at all. My sister and I fucked, and we will continue to fuck.”

 

“Get. Out. Neither you nor your sister are welcome here.” Undyne growled. Firehawk turned back to her sister, dreading the expression she knew she would see. Starhawk was on the verge of tears as Billy, Rocky, and Coop went to see what all the commotion was about. Firehawk spat in Undyne’s eye, before getting dressed, wrapping her sister in a blanket, and gently picking her up.

 

“Come with me, sister dear. It appears we are no longer wanted here.” She said softly, before beginning to walk towards the door leading out of the apartment. Starhawk followed her, Coop looking at Alphys.

 

“What the hell happened here?” he asked, confused.

 

“Incest happened.” Undyne said. “Good riddance.”

 

Firehawk stopped in her tracks, having heard what was said. She could tolerate insults to herself, but any insults towards Starhawk, direct or not, were unacceptable. She began to shake with rage, her jaw clenching. In an instant, one of her daggers had been thrown, embedding itself in the wall less than an inch from Undyne’s hand.

 

“While I disagree with the newfound relationship,” said Billy. “Don’t you think this is going a bit far?”

 

“...No.” said Undyne. Billy nudged Rocky and mouthed ‘Back me up on this, dude. I wanna know what you think.’

 

“What do I think?” Rocky began. “I think Undyne is being a bitch about it.”

 

“Don’t go comparing your relationship with Billy to that filth.” she growled.

 

“He isn’t.” said Billy. “You are being a bitch about it, even though I feel that the path those sisters are going down isn’t the best one.”

 

Firehawk entered the room. She stared at Undyne, before saying coldly, “My sister is in tears because of you. I hope you are pleased with yourself.”

 

Undyne said nothing. “Yeah, you went too far.” Coop agreed. “I’ll say it right now: incest is gross. But you overreacted, Undyne.”

 

Undyne ignored him, looking at Alphys. Alphys said, “I...am not sure what to think. I can see where you are coming from, dear, but I also see why they are upset.”

 

“So, you guys are gonna pull ‘middle ground’ crap?” Undyne muttered. “Fine. I’ll be in my room, polishing my weapons.”

 

Firehawk stepped in front of her. “No. You don't get to run off and sulk, Undyne. You made my sister cry, and I can't just let that go. I understand the incest taboo. Really, I get it. However, that is no excuse for being so harsh towards my little sister.”

 

“Fuck. You.” Undyne said. “Or, in your case, Fuck. Your. Sister.” Undyne said, turning away. Firehawk’s eye twitched, before she punched Undyne in the face. Undyne fell from the impact, staring at her. Firehawk knelt next to her.

 

“Brothers and sisters of noble Hawkian families are often wed. Did you know that? This custom exists due to wanting to keep bloodlines pure. My sister and I are merely engaging in a modified version of that same custom. It is not accepted here, but I don't really care. I love Starhawk deeply, and this is just another way of expressing it.”

 

“Get...out…” Undyne said.

 

“No.”

 

Coop, Billy, and Rocky backed away. Undyne just lay there, groaning. Hawkians were much stronger than they looked. Starhawk watched, still crying. Firehawk walked back over to her, pulling her little sister into a hug. Her tears subsided, and she kissed her sister. Firehawk kissed her back. Together, the two walked away from the apartment, hand in hand.

 

Meanwhile, Heydrich had returned home, and was reading the newspaper, waiting for his wife to finish preparing the evening meal. He was also waiting for Emma to arrive, as she had said she would be joining her parents for dinner that night. There was a knock at the door, and Emma entered. “Hallo?” she asked. Heydrich called to her from the living room, “In here.” Emma walked into the living room, and sat next to her father.

 

“Hallo, Emma.” He said.

 

“Hallo, mother. Hallo, father.” Emma said, before she snorted, giggling to herself.

 

“How goes work, Emma?” her mother asked.

 

“Well, as usual.” said Emma, turning on the TV. A documentary on popular music of the 1960s was playing. Heydrich lit a cigarette.

 

“Emma? What were you laughing about a moment ago?” he asked curiously.

 

“Oh, a curious little novelty song.” said Emma. “It goes, ‘Hallo mother, hallo father, here I am at camp Granada…’”

 

“Curious…” he said, taking a deep drag off his cigarette. “Who is it by?”

 

“Oh, a man called Allan Sherman.” Emma answered.

 

Heydrich snorted softly.

 

“What is the matter, father?” Emma asked.

 

“Oh, nothing. I just am not overly fond of his work.”

 

“Ah. I am more of a Yankovic fan, myself.”

 

“He’s hilarious.” said her mother. “I enjoy his songs about food the most.”

 

“You would, Liesel. You love food.” Heydrich said dryly.

 

“Oh, do be quiet, Reinhard.” Liesel snarked.

 

“And if I do not? What will you do?” he asked, smirking.

 

“I will not give you any sex tonight.” she replied. This got a laugh out of Emma. Heydrich snorted.

 

“Very well. I will simply go and visit my mistress.” He said dryly.

 

“Go ahead.”  Liesel replied.

 

“Or I could bed Emma, if you want me to keep it...in the family.” He snarked. Emma’s eyes widened in surprise.

 

“Let us make it a threesome.” Liesel shot back.

 

“GOTT IM HIMMEL!” Emma shouted in exasperation. “BOTH OF YOU ARE CRAZY!”

 

Heydrich chuckled. “What? You wouldn't do It? Your mother and I are quite flexible in the bedroom.” He said, deliberately ribbing Emma.

 

“Gott, nein!” Emma said, putting her head in her hands. “There are still boundaries, no?”

 

“Nein.” Liesel said, now laughing hard. Emma ignored her mother as she watched the documentary she’d put on. After it ended, a documentary on the history of the SS began. Emma watched it boredly, having known all the information already.

 

“Emma?” Heydrich said.

 

“Yes, father?”

 

“Are you and Karl still seeing each other?”

 

“No, unfortunately. It turns out he was bisexual, so I sent him away to my personal camp.” Emma said. “Rather sad, really.”

 

“It is a shame. I was certain you two would marry.”

 

“As was I.” Emma said, hoping her ‘guests’ were doing well in adjusting to their permanent residence. It was true that they were not to be put to death or work, and were supposed to be treated relatively well. On the other hand, the paradise that was the camp had a dark secret, naturally. It was still better than Auschwitz. Emma had put her most trusted advisor, Ilsa, in charge for the night; she had told her she could do as she wished as long as it fell in the jurisdiction of her three rules.

 

Heydrich had met Ilsa before. He had hated the woman almost as soon as they met. He had lost count of the number of reports he had received from SS officers complaining about her for various reasons. Among other incidents, she had been having her way with male prisoners in various concentration and death camps. Her latest liaison with a young Jew had nearly gotten her shot. The only thing preventing this was Emma, who knew Ilsa suffered from extreme nymphomania. The SS had little pity for Ilsa’s condition, but had pardoned her at the insistence of Heydrich, who convinced his fellow officers that she was still useful.

 

The SS viewed Emma’s own camp as, in essence, a dumping ground. It was a home for deviants who weren't worth the time it would take to execute them. For so-called “deviants” who didn’t know better, Emma’s camp was a godsend. For those who knew of its secret...it was hell. This secret was dark and sinister, with very few aware of it. But what was it? Indeed, what was it? Emma knew what it was. As did Heydrich, Himmler, Goebbels, Göring, and the other highest ranking officials of the Reich. No one said a word about it, however. Emma pushed these thoughts out of her head as she put a record on: Remember the Zoo by the Beach Boys, an album considered one of the Reich’s greatest modern musical pieces.

 

Heydrich listened as the music played, his expression flat. His mind wandered back to 1988, when he had executed Brian Wilson, who had long since left the group at that point. The man’s mental health had been on a steady decline since the late 1960s, and had culminated in him living in isolation for the next decade and a half or so. When he finally came back into the public eye, his music had changed. No longer was it sweeping orchestral pop lyrically rooted in personal experience. It was now critical of the Reich and its practices, using baroque, jazz, and polka influences for irony. The Gestapo had been spying on him for the three years before his arrest, monitoring his every word and action. No longer was he spending every day in bed with personal servants catering to his odd whims. He was now fit as a fiddle, bursting with misplaced creativity, in the Reich’s eyes. He clearly thought the SS had no idea what he was doing, as he had, on several occasions, gone on long rants about the Reich, the people, and the Führer. He’d been listening to banned music, such as that of Frank Zappa, The Residents, Captain Beefheart, and the more politically-charged punk artists.

 

Heydrich remembered the day Wilson had finally been arrested well. The latter had been recording his solo debut album, entitled Sweet Insanity, when the SS had arrived. Fifteen heavily armed officers had entered his recording studio, automatic rifles in hand. Brian had been defiant the entire time, and his trial and execution had caused a media frenzy, especially among those close to him. His wife, sons, and two of his siblings were shot dead during a standoff with the SS a week after his execution. Now, the Beach Boys consisted of Mike Love, Al Jardine, his son Matt, Bruce Johnson, and David Marks as a Reich-sanctioned touring band.

 

The media frenzy hadn't been helped by how gruesome the execution was. The first shot Heydrich fired went into Wilson’s brain, but didn't kill him. Instead, the round came to rest in the lower part of his brain, the shot acting as a rather crude lobotomy. Heydrich had been forced to shoot him four more times before he finally expired. Marilyn Wilson and Brian’s two brothers Carl and Dennis were, as noted, killed a week later. The SS had murdered Marilyn’s entire family as retribution for her defiant stand. After a long legal battle wherein Mike Love had to fight for his right to live due to being a cousin of the Wilsons in 1992, the Beach Boys were pardoned and approved to record their next album.

 

Heydrich remembered they had come back into the public eye again for a reason unrelated to music in 1995 when it came to light that one of Brian Wilson’s granddaughters had been raped, repeatedly, by an SS-Sturmbannführer. Mike Love was in charge of the latter’s execution, on his request. The Reich wouldn't have cared if the girl in question, Maria, hadn't been Aryan. Heydrich, looking back on it, regretted not wiping the whole group out and being done with it. His thoughts were interrupted by a plate of food being placed in front of him.

 

“Ah. Danke, Liesel.” He said, beginning to eat.

 

“You are welcome.”

 

Heydrich ate in silence, enjoying the taste. He noticed Emma singing along to the album. Emma sang along to God Only Knows, one of her favorites. He smiled a bit. As cold and pitiless as Heydrich was, he did love his family.

 

“You have a lovely voice, Emma.”

 

“Danke.” Emma said.

 

“You have grown from a beautiful, strong young girl to a lovely, strong young woman, and I am proud of you. Very proud.” He replied. Emma blushed.

 

“You are too kind, papa.” she said, hugging him.  He held her close, gently stroking her hair. She smiled, closing her eyes. He continued to hold her, resting his chin on her head. “I love you, papa. So much.”

 

“And I love you, sweetling.” Emma soon fell asleep on his shoulder. He kissed her head gently, before laying her down on the couch and covering her with a blanket. Liesel looked at him, smiling.

 

“How sweet. Our little girl is all grown up in body, but never in mind.”

 

“Oh, Emma is grown in mind, too. You have never played poker with her.” He replied, his voice just above a whisper.

 

“I should sometime.”

 

“She played poker with Hermann, Heinrich and myself at one point. She acted like she had no idea how to play, and Hermann, ever the charmer, offered to show her the basics. She seemed to catch on quickly, and played like a newcomer for a while...but by the time we finished, Emma was 5,000 Reichsmarks richer.”

 

“Smart, just like her father.”

 

“You should have seen Hermann’s face when he realized he had been hustled. I don't know what was more amusing: his look of complete shock and dismay, or the tirade he went on afterwards.”

 

“Probably both.”

 

“You know Hermann. He can never resist helping out a young, pretty girl. I remember how he tried to seduce you about two years before we married. Do you remember that?”

 

Liesel laughed. “Oh my, yes.” she replied. “He was very persuasive.”

 

“You were topless and kissing him quite passionately when I entered. I took one look, blinked, then walked back out. Did you have a good time with him?” Liesel blushed, and nodded. Unlike the residents of Core Earth, the citizens of the Reich were very open and liberal about sex, both in terms of having it and discussing it. For example, affairs were very much a non-issue among the upper echelons of the Reich. Heydrich himself had several mistresses, including a young, vibrant girl named Lucy Wilder, an American-born immigrant to Germany. Her stepbrother, a young man named Tobias, had a fling with Liesel in return. Heydrich kept his rather...unseemly feelings about his daughter to himself. Now that he thought about it, that Tobias fellow seemed oddly familiar. He made a mental note to follow that thread, before pushing the matter aside. He, against his own better judgement, was fantasizing about Emma. His daughter was unaware of this, as she still slept.

 

Meanwhile, Dr. Maniac continued his operations for powering and stabilizing the Hellbeast. The creature was enormous...and horrific. It looked to be made of various body parts from human test subjects, sewn together crudely into a quadrupedal body. The Hellbeast was approaching completion, but there was still a lot of work to be done. Dr. Maniac was reminded of a film he...semi-enjoyed, about a doctor who sewed three people together. He couldn’t recall the title, but he was eerily reminded of it by the Hellbeast’s appearance. Their work was making swift progress, but it would be another two days before they could finish it. There were several lengthy steps that absolutely could not be rushed.

 

Meanwhile, night had fallen in Coastal Falls, and Firehawk was tired. She yawned, stretching, as she laid in a bed. She and Starhawk had purchased an apartment to live in together. It was small, and contained only the bare necessities, but it was liveable. Starhawk stretched out onto the couch, until a knock was heard. She opened the door, and saw Blackhawk at the door, a disappointed look on his face.

 

“Oh, ummm...come in.” Starhawk said. “How did you find us, and why, Blackhawk?”

 

“I know what you two did.” He said, his tone equal parts angry, bitter, sad and confused.

 

“So?” Starhawk said, the guilt in what she did coming through.

 

“Why did you do it?”

 

“Why? ...I don’t know…”

 

Firehawk spoke, walking up and standing next to Starhawk and putting an arm around her shoulders, “I know. You did it because you love me just as much as I love you.” Starhawk continued looking at Blackhawk. Firehawk put a finger on her sister’s chin, gently turning her head. “Look at me, Star. Please.” Starhawk did, blinking. Firehawk kissed her gently, pulling away after a moment.

 

“I love you. You know that, right?”

 

“Yes…”

 

“Then why do you feel guilty? Love should feel liberating, not oppressive.”

 

“But I cheated…” she replied, looking at Blackhawk. “Right?”

 

Before he could speak, Firehawk began to softly sing.

 

“Love, love, love
Love, love, love
Love, love, love

There's nothing you can do that can't be done
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy

Nothing you can make that can't be made
No one you can save that can't be saved
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time
It's easy

All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need

Love, love, love
Love, love, love
Love, love, love

All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need

Nothing you can know that isn't known
Nothing you can see that isn't shown
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be
It's easy

All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need

All you need is love 
All you need is love 
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need
Love is all you need 
Love is all you need 
Love is all you need 
Love is all you need 
Love is all you need 
Love is all you need 
Love is all you need 
Love is all you need 
Love is all you need 
Love is all you need 
Love is all you need 
Yee-hai! 
Love is all you need 

Yesterday 
Love is all you need 
Love is all you need 
Love is all you need 
Oh yeah! 
She loves you, yeah yeah yeah 
She loves you, yeah yeah yeah…”

 

Starhawk snuggled into her sister, smiling. “I love you too.”

 

Blackhawk, despite how strange he thought the whole situation was, sniffed, wiping a tear from his eye. The song was beautifully sung. Firehawk held Starhawk close, kissing her head. Starhawk smiled, holding her older sister close. “I did not know you enjoyed the Beatles…”

 

“I'm full of surprises, aren't I?”
 

“Yes you are.”

 

Firehawk grinned, embracing her younger sister tightly. Starhawk stared at Blackhawk. “I am surprised that with how genetically diverse our species is, inbreeding is not more common.”

 

He looked quite ill at the thought. Starhawk smirked, giggling. Firehawk did, too. It appeared her little sister was far from innocent, after all. She stepped back, gesturing for Blackhawk to enter. He did, after a bit of hesitation. “I apologize for how bare it is.” said Starhawk. He waved it off.

 

“I would take this place over my own house any day.”

 

“With your narcissist bitch of a mother, I agree. I suppose it was Coop who told you about...my deed?” Starhawk asked. He nodded.

 

“Yep. Coop told me everything, including how Undyne swore she'd kill you after you left.”

 

“She’s that angry, hmm? Coop probably told her off. Kid may be near Toby’s age, but he’s far beyond his years mentally.” Starhawk said. Firehawk snorted.

 

“I'd like to see her try. I am as feared as I am for good reason.” She said, lighting a cigarette. She offered one to Blackhawk, who politely declined, then to Starhawk. Starhawk took it, then looked at Blackhawk.

 

“Please, do give us the ‘and knowing is half the battle’ speech.” she said dryly before lighting the cigarette. Blackhawk snorted.

 

“I'd just like to see my mom’s expression if she found out you two were sleeping together.”

 

“She would call us loser incestuous whores.”

 

Firehawk said, her voice calm and serene, “She ever insults you again, I'm going to cut her throat open while she sleeps. Slowly.”

 

Blackhawk cleared his throat awkwardly.

 

“Erm...so, make yourself at home.” Starhawk said. He nodded.

 

“Thanks, Starhawk.”

 

“Can I get you a drink?” Starhawk asked. “Maybe some food?”

 

“Sure. I'll take anything.”

 

Starhawk went and got him some barbecue sauce. He blinked.

 

“...Okay, maybe not anything…”

 

Starhawk noted his expression, and got him some water. He thanked her, beginning to drink. Starhawk stared at Blackhawk, watching until he finished. He looked back at her. “What?”

 

“Are you finished?”

 

“Yeah.” He replied. She took his glass to the sink, and sat on the couch. Firehawk took her sister’s hand, squeezing it gently. Starhawk smiled, and kissed her. Firehawk returned the kiss, pulling her sister onto her lap. Starhawk broke the kiss, looking at Blackhawk sheepishly. He said flatly, “I can leave and give you two some alone time, if you want.”

 

“Yes, please.” replied Starhawk. “...Unless you want to join.” she joked. Blackhawk got up and hurried out the door. Starhawk looked at her sister. Firehawk pulled her close, beginning to kiss her neck. Starhawk smiled, stroking her sister’s back. It was only when the kisses trailed lower that the moans began. After yet another round of lovemaking, the two of them laid in their bed, snuggling. “I love you, Firehawk…”

 

“I love you too, sister.”

 

“Never leave me.”

 

This was a whisper, a quiet, terrified, insistent whisper. Firehawk said, tears running down her cheeks, “I don't plan to.” Starhawk’s response was to kiss her again, holding her close. Firehawk snuggled up against her sister, resting her head on Starhawk’s shoulder. Starhawk stroked her hair.

 

“All you need is love…” she whispered.

 

“Love is all you need…” Firehawk replied. Starhawk kissed her again, still stroking her hair. Firehawk returned the kiss, humming. Starhawk broke the kiss, and began humming Wouldn’t It Be Nice. Firehawk smiled, humming with her.

 

“That song speaks to me. No...to us.” Starhawk said.

 

“Indeed, it does. It fits our situation so well.”

 

“One day, you and I will be wed. And then we’d be happy.”

 

Tears were still running down Firehawk’s face. However, now they were happy tears. “Yes. I would be very happy if we were wed.”

 

“But, if Primarch Magnus is right, and I am destined to be with Usagi and Kras’hir for as long as I live...then how will we be together?”

 

“There is no future but what we make, sister. Our fate is never set in stone. Never.” Firehawk said, her tone firm and defiant.

 

“We will rule Hawkia as queens. I will promise that.”

 

Firehawk nodded, grinning. She went to the kitchen, retrieved a bottle of expensive scotch she had purchased earlier that day, poured a generous amount into two glasses, then handed one to Starhawk, before raising her own. “To our bright future as wedded queens.”

 

“Here, here!”

 

They clinked glasses, and drank together. And drank they did, until they passed out. Firehawk woke up the next morning with a pounding headache and a nauseous stomach. She ran to the bathroom, immediately throwing up into the toilet. She would notice Starhawk was gone, out to buy some breakfast. She learned this by reading a note her sister had left. Firehawk sat in a chair near one of the windows, lighting her first cigarette of the day.

 

Usagi, meanwhile, had learned of what Starhawk had done. She was devastated, and yet she noted the irony, considering how Starhawk got involved with her in the first place. For Kras’hir,

 

the irony hit even harder, which extinguished the anger in her gut before it could be expressed. The Daemoness growled, pacing. “...Funny, isn’t it?” said Usagi sadly. “First you cheat on me with her, then she cheats on both of us with...blegh...her sister.”

 

“You go to Hawkia, which I have, you'll learn pretty quick how common it is for siblings to fuck each other.”

 

“Thank God Blackhawk has different cultural values, otherwise he’d be screwing his mom, Coop, or possibly both. Ugh…”

 

“His mom was likely a product of inbreeding, which would explain a lot, come to think of it. She, in turn, likely married one of her brothers. Hawkians are religious about ‘pure’ bloodlines, after all.”

 

“Ebony would tell you all about her culture, where ‘pureblood’ wizards like that Draco asshole look down upon those who aren’t inbred.”

 

Kras’hir said, “Let's just stop talking about incest, okay? Considering my...past experiences with my father,  I'd prefer to avoid thinking about inbred pregnancies…”

 

“Yeah...I still can’t believe Starhawk cheated on us, though…”

 

“...Have you seen Firehawk? Most men, and women, with a pulse would give just about anything for a night alone with her. Maybe she wanted to try her hand at seducing her own sister.” Kras’hir replied, before cringing. “Fuck me, that makes it worse.”

 

“Yeah, let’s stop talking about it, OK?”

 

“Agreed.” Kras’hir said, nodding. The two of them then moved onto other topics. Firehawk, meanwhile, are breakfast with her sister.

 

“I was in a rush, so I bought something from MTT-Brand Burger Emporium.” said Starhawk. “Burgers made of sequins and glue. Who would have thought that would taste soooo good?”

 

Firehawk, who wasn't overly fond of chugging condiments and eating random things, disagreed. She felt nauseous again, and immediately went back to the bathroom and threw up. Starhawk shrugged, and finished her two Glamburgers. She then ate the ones she’d bought for Firehawk. Firehawk exited the bathroom, wiping her mouth.

 

“I appreciate you buying me food, sister dear, but burgers made of sequins and glue? Really?”

 

“I am odd, I know.” Starhawk said. “But those Glamburgers are heavenly.”

 

Firehawk spat into the sink, before opening the fridge, and tossing her sister a bottle of mustard. “Here.”

 

“Ha, ha. Very funny, sister dear.” Starhawk said, but chugged the mustard anyway. Firehawk grabbed her coat. “I'll be back. I'm going to go find myself some breakfast I actually can eat without puking.”

 

She left, heading out into town. It didn't take her long to notice she was being followed. But by whom? She rolled her eyes when the little mystery was solved: She was being followed by the Rangers, save for her sister (obviously) and Usagi.

 

“Uhhh...Firehawk?” Lettuce said. “We gotta talk.”

 

“Yeah!” said Ebony. “Fucking your own sister?! That’s hot.” Toby then slapped her.

 

“No, it isn’t.” said Toby. “In fact, it’s...wrong. I won’t beat around the bush. Firehawk, we’re not being bad guys here, it’s just…”

 

“...we’re concerned.” Naruto finished. “When we heard what happened with you and Undyne, I knew we all had to have a talk. We just don’t want to see you getting hurt.”

 

Firehawk stared at them, before she snorted, beginning to laugh. “You're worried about me getting hurt? Me? The Necron Prophet, the Death Bride, the Lady of Darkness, the Mistress of Pain? You're worried about Undyne hurting me, and not the other way around?”

 

“Not physically hurt.” said Toby. “Emotionally hurt. Pinkie, would you like to say something?”

 

Firehawk rolled her eyes. “Spare me the ‘and knowing is half the battle’ speech, pastel pony. I've heard it all before, so save your breath.”

 

Pinkie, who had been about to speak, closed her mouth with an audible clack.

 

“Umm, you OK, Pinks?” Lettuce asked. She nodded. Firehawk snorted.

 

“Let me tell you something about emotions: I don't feel them. The only person in this multiverse I care about is my sister. Beyond that? I don't care about anyone else.”

 

“Well, she isn’t a total sociopath.” said Toby. “That’s...good, I suppose.”

 

“Let’s get back on track here.” said Naruto. “We’re concerned because of what other people will think of your relationship with Starhawk.”

 

Firehawk rolled her eyes once again. “I couldn't care less what people think if I tried.”

 

“Forget it.” Naruto said to Blackhawk. “She won’t listen.”

 

Firehawk glared at him, before muttering a few choice phrases in her native language, phrases which made Blackhawk cough awkwardly, blushing. “I'm...not sure whether I should translate what she just said.”

 

“Ooh, what’d she say?” asked Lettuce.

 

“Well...she told you to lick Pinkie’s...rear, because you might like the taste. She told me she hopes I get sodomized by a serial killer with a pickaxe. She told Naruto to go eat his own shit. She expressed her belief that Toby was ‘ass-raped’ by a clown as a young child. Finally, she called Ebony a...ahem…’giant, putrid, flaming cunt.’”

 

“What colorful vocabulary.” deadpanned Naruto. Firehawk made an extremely crude gesture in his direction before walking away. Blackhawk said, “We should follow her, guys. We still need to talk.”

 

“Are you sure?” Toby asked. “I was never ass-raped by a clown. I did meet a clown once, but all he did was offer me a balloon and told me that they all floated down somewhere…”

 

Pinkie said, “I agree with Blackhawk. I think Firehawk just needs friends to talk to. Let's follow her, and try to talk.” Toby sighed, and nodded. He wished he could talk to that clown again. Maybe he would take the balloon this time. Firehawk walked, completely ignoring them, until she eventually stopped, spun around, and snarled, “You want to talk? Fine. Let's fucking talk.”

 

Pinkie approached her, hesitantly. She looked back at the others, gesturing for them to do the same. The others followed her example. “So...what do we talk about?” asked Lettuce.

 

Firehawk said, her tone angry and irritated, “I don't know. This little talk wasn't my idea.”

 

Pinkie asked her, “Why are you so mean? We are just trying to be friendly.”

 

“Friendly? Is that what you call it?” Firehawk replied, snorting. “Fuck you.”

 

“Hey! Don’t talk to my girlfriend that way.” Lettuce growled.

 

“I can talk to her however I feel like. I was just trying to get breakfast, but you all had to follow me, because you were ‘concerned.’”

 

“And we are.” Naruto pointed. “And if you’ll just sit down and listen to us…”

 

She sat on a bench, crossing her arms. “Fine. I'll bite. Say what you came to say.”

 

Naruto looked at Blackhawk. “Blackhawk, if you’d like to start, say something.”

 

“Firehawk, we…” he sighed. “We are concerned about how this may affect not just you and Starhawk, but Usagi and Kras’hir, as well.”

 

“Yeah.” said Toby. “It’ll affect them just as much as it will you.”

 

Ebony sighed, and said, “I hate traditional relationships, I’ll admit it. I can’t help it; I’m a very sexual creature. But Kras’hir and Usagi, while their relationship with your sister isn’t traditional, they still hold those kinds of values of commitment.”

 

“Not just that,” pointed out Lettuce. “But they’ll be just as hurt by how people react as much as Starhawk will be.”

 

“My sister and I are already planning our future.” Firehawk replied. “We have both decided that what people say doesn't matter.”

 

“Your funeral.” Ebony said, sighing.

 

“...Yeah, she isn’t gonna listen.” said Lettuce, hopping onto Pinkie’s back.

 

“Firehawk, it’s obvious you don’t want to hear what we have to say.” said Naruto. “That’s fine with us. But just know that we won’t be so open to discussing our own problems when you start getting harassed.”

 

“You know, Rangers, the last people who harassed me in any way were the people known as Inquirians.” Firehawk replied. “They aren't around anymore.”

 

Blackhawk’s eyes widened. “You didn't…”

 

“I did. They wasted my time by asking only questions instead of providing answers, so I chained them together in their precious library and set it ablaze.”

 

“Holy fuck…” Toby whispered.

 

“The screaming and pleads for mercy went on for several hours, before the fires devoured them all. The Inquiran Order perished that very day, the only legacy left behind one of ash and death.”

 

Naruto whispered, “Maybe we should leave her alone…” His tone was absolute terror. Toby, Ebony, and Lettuce nodded. Firehawk said, her tone oddly cheerful, “No, stay. Please. I insist.”

 

“Uhhh...no thanks. We gotta be somewhere.” Lettuce lied.

 

“Oh? Do tell. Where do you have to be?”

 

“Somewhere.” Lettuce responded.

 

“We...have to go fight a monster!” Toby added.

 

“Yeah!” finished Ebony. “A big, scary one, too!”

 

Firehawk looked around. “Huh. That's funny. I don't see any monsters.”

 

She called to a man walking by, “Do you see any monsters, sir? I certainly don't.”

 

“Nope. Monsters usually come by once a week.” the man said, then continued walking.

 

“Shit…” Lettuce said. “Thought that would’ve worked.”

 

“How stupid do you think I am?” Firehawk hissed.

 

“Ummm...is this a trick question? Because you aren’t stupid at all.” Lettuce replied.

 

“Did you think I would fall for that? That I would be convinced there was a monster, and let you all fuck off to wherever you would go in order to avoid me?”

 

“Yes.” Toby said flatly. “It’s one of the oldest tricks in the book.”

 

“Not helping.” Naruto hissed, smacking Toby in the back of the head. Firehawk snorted, lighting another cigarette, before offering the case they were in to the Rangers. Ebony took a cigarette, the other Rangers didn’t. Firehawk lit Ebony’s cigarette.

 

“I assume you've smoked before, yes?” she asked.

 

“Course I have. Smoking’s cool.” Ebony said.

 

“That's quality German tobacco you're smoking. I recommend long, deep drags, myself. Really lets you enjoy the flavor.” Ebony took a drag, letting the flavor through her nose.

 

“Wow. That’s some good smoke right there.”

 

Firehawk grinned. “It is, isn't it?” She said, taking a long drag and exhaling a cloud of smoke. “Anyway, there was a point to this conversation, wasn't there? You're all concerned I'll be harassed for my relationship with Starhawk.”

 

“Exactly.” said Naruto. “People will think you’re degenerates.”

 

“Degenerates, eh?” she said dryly.

 

“Yeah. Degenerates.”

 

“Very Nazi-esque language right there.”

 

“Oh, umm...sorry. Didn’t mean it like that…”

 

“You assume I care what people will think. I don't...though Star likely will.”

 

“Exactly my point.” Naruto said. “You won’t care. She will.”

 

“So, what do you suggest?

 

“Keep the relationship secret.”

 

“Oh, I will. And you will all do the same if you value your lives.”

 

“That is a promise we can keep.” Naruto said.

 

“Good. Do not think I will hesitate to slaughter you all if this promise is broken, heroes or not.”

 

“OK…” said Lettuce. “Hey, who wants to go play video games at my place?”

 

Firehawk was already gone, going to buy her breakfast. She purchased two breakfast sandwiches from a cheap restaurant, then went back to the apartment. Starhawk waited for her, hugging her sister when she arrived. “Hello, dearest Firehawk.”

 

“Hello, sister dear. Apologies for being gone so long.”

 

“It is no trouble.” Starhawk said, kissing her. Firehawk kissed her back, purring a bit.

 

“Gods above, I love you.” She said after after pulling away.

 

“I know. And I love you too.”

 

Firehawk grinned. “Got any ideas for what to do today?”

 

“No.” Starhawk said. Firehawk considered it.

 

“Hmmm...what is there to do around here?”

 

“We could go see a movie.” Starhawk said.

 

“Maybe. What's playing at the moment?” Starhawk listed several movies, all of them varied in genre. Firehawk shook her head at each one, until she heard the last title. Sisterly Bond. It was a romantic comedy/exploitation film, it seemed. An interesting combination.

 

“What's it about?” Firehawk asked.

 

“Two sisters involved in a...taboo relationship.” Starhawk said. “...How appropriate.”

 

They went to see the movie. Firehawk noted with amusement they were the only ones in the theater. The film was humorous, but also titillating. Firehawk was not ashamed to admit she pleasured herself multiple times throughout the movie. Starhawk may or may not have helped in that. In any case, the two had a nice time. Firehawk walked out of the theater with her sister when the film ended, noting the strange looks they were getting. Starhawk was more emotional, looking at those who stared, afraid. One of the people working at the theater said, “Strange choice in film, but who am I to judge people for what they enjoy?”

 

“That is true.” said Starhawk. Firehawk exited the theater. It was now the early afternoon. Starhawk held herself closely to her sister. Firehawk whistled as they walked through a park, looking for all the world like a woman spending time with a normal girlfriend. Starhawk relaxed, smiling at her ‘girlfriend.’ Firehawk grinned back at her. “Today is a nice day.” Starhawk said.

 

“Indeed. A lovely day. Almost as lovely as you.” Starhawk blushed. Firehawk chuckled, pulling her sister close as they continued to walk. She noticed that they were being followed, much to her irritation. Hopefully, it wasn’t the Rangers again. She turned around to look, and swore. It was, indeed, the Rangers. Apparently they had noticed that she and Starhawk were out on the town. Starhawk waved. Usagi, who had joined her friends, didn’t even look at her. Firehawk sighed, lighting yet another cigarette. She could hardly be faulted for it. The day had been more stressful than anticipated.

 

“The fuck do you all want?” she asked, not bothering to hide her irritation.

 

No one spoke. Firehawk snorted.

 

“That's what I thought. You're not heroes, Rangers. You're all cowards.”

 

“They didn’t come here to talk to you.” said Usagi. “I came to talk to Starhawk.”

 

“Then why are they here?” said Starhawk. “...And Firehawk? They are not cowards.”

 

Firehawk crossed her arms. “They've figured out that talking to me about our relationship won't work, so they're here to talk to you, instead. Is that correct?”

 

“No.” said Naruto. “Usagi’s the one who dragged us along.”

 

“Ah. Why did you bring your friends along, Blondie?”

 

“Don’t call me Blondie.” Usagi said. “And I brought them along for support.”

 

“Support?” Firehawk asked, raising a brow.

 

“Yes. Because I would end up getting very angry at Starhawk otherwise.”

 

Firehawk stepped in front of her sister protectively. She didn't even think twice about it.

 

“What do you want, Usagi?” Starhawk asked. “My sister already talked to your friends.”

 

“That's true, but I'm not dating your sister, am I?” Usagi replied.

 

“...So I am lovers with my own sister. What is the big deal?”

 

“You just said it. You're sleeping with your own sister.”

 

“Again...I...I…” Starhawk said. “I love her…”

 

Firehawk cut in, knowing her sister was getting upset and flustered, “Hey, Usagi?”

 

“What?”

 

“Let's play a game, shall we? It's called ‘Fuck Off.’ You go first.”

 

Usagi looked at her, and walked away...but not before saying to Starhawk, “I think we need to take a break in our relationship.” This caused Starhawk to start crying. It would be said later that Firehawk’s enraged shriek could be heard from space. It took Blackhawk, Toby, Naruto and Pinkie working together to pull her off of Usagi, the Hawkian having leapt on her and started punching the White Ranger's face in. Usagi ran off crying, with Ebony going after her. Firehawk sat down on a nearby bench, taking deep breaths in order to calm down.

 

“That went well.” snarked Toby. Firehawk glared at him, before getting up and walking over to her sister, who was turned away from her.

 

“Starhawk? Star?” Starhawk cried softly, not looking at her. Firehawk put a hand on her shoulder.

 

“...” Starhawk still said nothing, the Rangers staying because they wanted to help. Firehawk, without a word, pulled her sister into a gentle embrace. Starhawk smiled softly, holding Firehawk close. Firehawk gently wiped away her sister’s tears.

 

“I'm sorry, Star.”

 

“What for?”

 

“Hurting Usagi like that.”

 

“It’s all right…”

 

“She made you cry. I just couldn't let that happen and not do something about it…”

 

“You did the right thing.”

 

Firehawk said, “I know what she said may have hurt, but look at it this way: You've still got me, sister dear.”

 

“I do, don’t I?”

 

“Now and always.” Starhawk kissed her passionately, the remaining Rangers having left. They went back home together, hand in hand. Meanwhile, Blackhawk, having followed Ebony, was trying to help Usagi calm down. Usagi’s cries had now become whimpers, Ebony trying to comfort her. Blackhawk rubbed her back.

 

“It's alright, Usagi. Let it out.” Usagi cried until her tears were spent. Ebony had pulled her into a hug, stroking Usagi’s blonde locks until the tears subsided. Blackhawk smiled gently.

 

“Do you feel a bit better now?”

 

“Yeah...I do.”

 

“Trust me, Usagi.” said Ebony, for once showing who she was beneath the uncaring Slaaneshi whore facade; the person the Rangers had befriended in the first place.

 

“Heartbreak is never easy. But you know what helps through the pain?”

 

“Ice cream?”

 

“That, and those you’re close to.”

 

“Yeah.” agreed Kras’hir, who had just arrived. “Like me. Come here, Usagi.” Usagi jumped into her arms, snuggling into her.

 

“You know what’s funny, Blackhawk?” Ebony asked. “Those two remind me of how we acted when we were together…”

 

“Yeah...before you began to stink of weed all the time. Seriously, it's like you use pot cologne.” He said jokingly, lightly nudging her.

 

“Yeah. I’ve been thinking about this, and I wanted to see what you thought, but do you honestly want a triad relationship? I promise I’ll get my pot habit under control.”

 

His response was to pull her into a kiss.

 

“Is that a yes?”

 

“Indeed, it is.” he said, before kissing her again, this time with more passion. Ebony kissed him back, which escalated into something more, much to the displeasure of Usagi and Kras’hir’s rage. The Daemoness pulled them apart, roughly swatting them both on the back of the head. She made them both look at a nearby family in the park, a family with two young children.

 

“Oh, ummm...sorry.” Ebony said, before Apparating herself and Blackhawk to her home. Kras’hir continued to hold Usagi close, stroking her head.

 

“I love your hair, you know.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“It is no trouble. It's just one of the many things about you I love.”

 

“Awww, thanks.” Usagi said, kissing her softly.

 

“Do you wish to hear some of the others?” Kras’hir asked after breaking the kiss.

 

“Yeah, if it makes me feel better.”

 

“Well...the first thing I have to mention is your smile. You have an absolutely radiant smile, one bright and pretty enough to light up any room.” Usagi blushed hard.

 

“W-what else?”

 

“Oh, so much. Hmmm...your eyes. They are so beautiful and bright, I could get lost just staring into them.”

 

Usagi giggled, snuggling into her. “Go on…”

 

“Like I said previously, I love your hair. It is beautiful, soft and vibrant, which makes it wonderful

 

for me to run my fingers through. It complements your gorgeous face quite well.”

 

“You think I’m gorgeous? Really?”

 

“Gorgeous, adorable, beautiful, sexy...I could go on.”

 

“I could say all that about you, you know.”

 

“You could, but you're the one who's getting the ego boost here, so hush.” Kras’hir said playfully.

 

“Oh, do feed my ego more, darling.” Usagi said, imitating a posh British accent. Kras’hir snorted.

 

“You have a very nice laugh. Hearing you giggle always makes me feel better.”

 

“And you’re returning the favor.” Usagi observed.

 

“Good. Hey, maybe the whole thing with Starhawk won't work out. At least we've got each other, yeah?”

 

“Yeah...though I still love her. And I know you do, too.” Usagi whispered.

 

“You're right, but I love you more, and I don't want to see you get hurt.”

 

“I know you do.” Usagi said, kissing her. Kras’hir kissed back, holding her girlfriend close. Usagi smiled, closing her eyes.

 

“Hey.” Kras’hir said. “Don't you sleep on me, now. I need someone to talk to.”

 

“Okay. Talk.”

 

“Do you want to know what it was about you that made me fall in love, above all else? Your courage.”

 

“My courage? What about it?” Usagi said. “All my friends and I did was journey into the Warp to bargain with the Powers. Why? We had no choice.”

 

“But you still willingly ventured into the Warp. Whatever your reasons, that takes guts. However, I wasn't just talking about that. I was also referring to what I saw inside your mind. You see, when we met, I glimpsed your memories. I saw your exploits as Sailor Moon. I have to admit, I was impressed.”

 

“You were?” Usagi asked, surprised.

 

“Yes. You, a child, saved the world multiple times. I was, indeed, impressed.”

 

“And that’s why you fell in love with me?” Usagi asked.

 

“It was one of the reasons, yes.”

 

“What was the other?” Usagi asked.

 

“I already listed the physical reasons. In terms of personality...you, my dear, are strong, kind, merciful, playful, friendly, loving...need I say more?”

 

“I’m a brave leader…” Usagi bragged. Kras’hir nodded in agreement.

 

“Yes, you are.” The Daemoness said. Usagi smiled.

 

“I feel a whole lot better now.” she said.

 

“Good.”

 

Meanwhile, Dr. Maniac had finished work on the Hellbeast. Much to his surprise, and irritation, it would still be another day or so before it was completely finished. Dr. Mengele informed him this was because the Alchemists needed to come in and conduct various lengthy rites, rituals and ceremonies in order to make the creature ready for battle.

 

“Will we at least be able to grow it into a giant after it’s defeated the first time?” he asked.

 

Mengele bit back a sigh. He had been asked this question, along with many others, multiple times. He replied, “It will be sent at a massive size to begin with.”

 

“But the formula, doctor! Firehawk outlined the formula!” Dr. Maniac insisted. “Don’t ask why, but these battles tend to follow a formula!”

 

Dr. Mengele said, having heard this before many times, “Guards? If he mentions this formula again, shoot him.”

 

“...Eep.” came the response from Maniac. “OK then, no growing the monster...can I at least send my own cannon fodder into the fray?”

 

Mengele ignored him, instead focusing on his own work. Heydrich, meanwhile, was preparing to do something he really disliked: Inspecting his daughter’s camp. While he conceded that her methods were effective, that didn't mean he agreed with how she chose to run it. Emma met him at the gates, gesturing for him to come in. He entered the camp, his personal SS guards following him. He knew his daughter hated it when he brought his guards along, as it made her prisoners uncomfortable to see men with guns. That was evident from the way the inmates looked at Heydrich as he passed them.

 

He asked Emma, “Have there been any problems with your camp lately?”

 

“Nein, father.” Emma said. “Things are running smoothly.”

 

“Good.” He said. “Where is the She-Wolf?”

 

That was what everyone called Ilsa. Any man or woman who served in the SS for long enough was bound to gain at least one intimidating title, and she was no exception. Emma trusted her for a reason. “She is in her office.” she answered. Heydrich respected Ilsa, despite her...odd tastes. She was feared by the inmates of the camp for a very good reason.

 

He ordered his guards to stay by the gates, then went to see the She-Wolf of the SS. He approached her office, inside the main building at the center of the compound, and knocked on the door. A rather well-endowed woman in an SS uniform answered. “Ah, Reinhard. It is good to see you.”

 

“The feeling is quite mutual, Ilsa. May I come in?”

 

“Please do. I am doing paperwork and listening to Wagner.” she said, gesturing for her supreme officer to enter. He stepped into her office, hanging his hat and overcoat on a hook by the door. The room was spacious, with a large mahogany desk, comfortable leather chairs, and a roaring fire. He sat in one of the chairs. Ilsa sat in the other, her beauty masking the terrifying femme fatale underneath. Heydrich had heard the stories. Inmates being led into her bedroom and never coming out. Torture devices hidden in her desk. All of the men she had dated or married ‘mysteriously’ turning up dead. Ilsa was a very dangerous woman, which was part of why Heydrich respected her as much as he did. She was as cruel and pitiless as him, after all.

 

“So,” said Ilsa as she took a long, almost seductive-looking drag of her cigarette. “What brings you here?”

 

“I came here to inspect the camp.” Heydrich replied, lighting a cigarette of his own. “My, it is warm in here. Perhaps you should remove that coat of yours? You must be sweating underneath it.”

 

Ilsa smirked at him. “Not even bothering to hide your...affection, are you?”

 

“Nein. I fail to see the point of hiding it. Any man with a pulse would feel what I am feeling. That uniform, after all, leaves so little to the imagination.” Ilsa got up from her chair, and kissed him. He kissed her back. After breaking it, he looked her over.

 

“Give me a show, Ilsa. Remove your uniform. That is an order.” Ilsa complied, grinning all the way. When she was finally naked, Heydrich went to her. For the next hour, anyone listening at the door would have heard nothing but the desk creaking, soft gasps and moans, the sound of a hand slapping flesh, and the occasional German expletive. When Ilsa and Heydrich finally emerged from the former’s office, she was wearing his coat and hat, the latter had a rather noticeable love bite on his neck, and they were both smirking. Emma had been waiting, and she was understandably uncomfortable. Heydrich said as he approached her, arm in arm with Ilsa, “Lead on, Emma. I still have a job to do.”

 

“Yes, father.” she said, looking at Ilsa, who merely smirked. Emma led him through the camp, showing that everything was in working order. That was, until one of her inmates got into a shouting match with one of Heydrich’s guards. The reason? She felt threatened by his rifle.

 

“For the last time, Fraulein, I am not putting my gun down!” the guard shouted, his response as tame as it was due to the fact that Heydrich had ordered them not to fire on the camp inmates unless necessary. Emma ordered the inmate to be restrained. Heydrich watched the situation unfold, deciding not to act unless it became necessary. The inmate resisted the other two who attempted to restrain her, breaking free and rushing at the guard. She was shot by five rifles before she got close. She fell like a puppet with its strings cut, blood leaking from multiple gaping wounds. Heydrich barely reacted to this. His expression didn't even change. Ilsa snorted haughtily.

 

“Good riddance.” she said. Heydrich snorted.

 

“Indeed. The only thing worse than a homosexual is a Jew.” Ilsa not so coyly winked at Emma, knowing Heydrich would see this. He did, but chose not to comment on it. Even if Ilsa were to commit so called “deviant sexual acts”, she could effectively get off scot-free. Officially, that was true. Officially, the authorities would look the other way. However, as Heydrich knew well, SS officers rarely considered such things as pardons when dealing with criminals; they only thought about the act being committed, and how it was disgusting, inhuman, and so very...un-Aryan. Many officers would shoot Ilsa in the face upon discovering her committing homosexual acts, regardless of whether she had been let off scot-free for it previously. Her skill at seduction would not be able to save her from it. So, Heydrich hoped she had enough sense to be discreet.

 

He said to Emma, “Show me the rest of the camp.” She nodded, doing so. Once the ‘public’ face of the camp had been completely shown, he told her, “Now, show me the...secret part of it.” She marched to the dark secret of the camp: it was an effective rape farm. Homosexual women were taken to this secret part of the camp, before being forcibly impregnated. The children then were either taken away, going to German families as adopted children...or became the subjects of horrific experiments. What determined the fate of the child was whether it fit the racial standards of the Reich. Healthy, ‘Aryan’ children were allowed to live normal lives. Infants who were disabled, or not ‘Aryan’ enough? Well...there was a reason this was such a closely-guarded secret. Emma looked in on one of her ‘guests.’

 

“W-what did you do to me? WHERE AM I?!” the woman screamed.

 

“Oh, nothing, Fraulein. You are merely here to carry out a purpose: birthing the next generation of the master race.”

 

“Y-you're insane…” the terrified woman replied. “J-just let me go home. Please…”

 

“I cannot let you leave, at least for some time.” Emma said, calling in one of her guards. As the three of them walked away, the screams began, as the guard did what he was summoned to do. They could hear him laughing, the gleeful cackles resounding off the walls. From far  away, an infant cried, the sound soon smothered by a whirring saw. Although Emma was used to such horrors, this sent a chill down her spine. As they emerged back into the camp proper, gunshots could be heard. Pop, pop, pop...the rhythmic sound of a sidearm being fired.

 

“The hell is going on…” Emma wondered. They soon got their answer. The source of the gunfire was a man, dressed in the uniform of an SS-Hauptsturmführer, a rank equivalent to a captain in the Reich army. He had short black hair, and dark blue eyes. He was sitting in a wooden chair, casually shooting inmates with his sidearm as they attempted to run. “Stop.” Emma ordered. “These prisoners are not target practice for you.”

 

The man got to his feet, holstering his sidearm and walking over to her. He said politely, “Ah, I did not realize these men and women were under your protection, Fraulein. My deepest apologies.”

 

He took her hand in his, gently kissing it. “My name is Amon Göth, Fraulein. It is very nice to meet you.”

 

“I have heard of you, Herr Göth. It is a pleasure to meet you as well.” Emma said. “What brings you to my camp?”

 

Göth’s lips twitched, before he turned to Heydrich. “You have not told her?”

 

Heydrich shook his head. Göth told Emma, “It is no longer your camp, Fraulein. It is my camp.”

 

“W-what?!” Emma asked. “Did you know about this, Ilsa?”

 

“Ja…” she replied. Göth pulled out a folded message, handing it to Emma. Emma read it, and looked at her father.

 

“...Papa...you can’t let him take this, my pride and joy.”

 

“I was overruled, Emma.” Heydrich told her. “The Reichsrat is skeptical of your ability to lead an...efficient camp. They feel that your, to quote Herr Goebbels,  ‘feminine inclinations’ make you incapable of making the ruthless decisions a Commandant needs to.”

 

“Feminine inclinations. So, Goebbels thinks I cannot run a camp because I am a woman?! Chauvinist pig…”

 

Göth said, “Oh, do not worry, Fraulein. I will still have use for you. I could always use a good secretary…” Emma punched him rather hard in the groin. Göth didn't show any signs of pain. Instead, he drew a knife out of his belt, twirling it between his fingers.

 

“Now, Fraulein, that was impolite.” He said softly.

 

“Impolite?! Why, I ought to…” Emma said, before Ilsa placed a hand on her shoulder.

 

“Calm yourself, Emma. There is nothing you can do.” she said, discreetly kissing her cheek. Emma blushed furiously.

 

Heydrich whispered in both their ears, “Do not anger him, either of you. Göth is the type of man who will speak softly to you one moment, then cut out your eyes and slit your throat the next, just because he got bored. He enjoys killing people more than anything else.”

 

“What can we do then, father?” Emma whispered back. “Sit around and do nothing?”

 

“No. Continue to do what you have been. Just don't get in Göth’s way when he does as he pleases.” Heydrich said. Göth, meanwhile, was addressing the inmates.

 

“Do any of you know who I am?” he asked.

 

“Nein, and we don’t care to.” A man responded. Göth promptly drew his pistol, walked over to the man, and shot him in the back of the head, blowing out his brains. The other inmates ran back in fear. Göth, raising his gun, commanded them all to stop, and kneel. They refused. He shot twelve of them dead before the rest got the hint and did as he said.

 

Emma took note of this, and said, “You will take note of the rules I have established.”

 

He turned to look at her. “And those would be…?”

 

“These inmates are not to be put to death or work, and are to be treated relatively well.” Emma said. Göth considered this.

 

“So, what is the purpose of this camp, then? No one bothered to inform me in the message that told me I was to command it.”

 

“It is...a dumping ground.” Ilsa informed him. “For those that the Reich does not bother with executing for various reasons.”

 

“Ah.” He said, before walking over to a young woman, kneeling in the dirt. He knelt in front of her. “What is your name, Fraulein?”

 

“Geneva.” she said.

 

“A beautiful name. I need a secretary, Fraulein. Are you willing to take the position? It will get you out of this damned cold, and spare you from any back-breaking labor.”

 

“J-ja.” she said. “Danke.”

 

He helped her stand, before ordering two of the guards to get her some warmer clothes and hot food. They did reluctantly. Göth then turned to the other prisoners.

 

“These three rules are no longer going to be in place. You will work, and you will be killed if I deem it necessary.”

 

“Will we be treated well?” a man who’d been deemed ‘homosexual’ asked. Göth walked over to him.

 

“Why are you here?” he asked. “What crime are you guilty of?”

 

“Crime? Is my orientation a crime to you?” he growled.

 

“Ja.” Göth replied.

 

“Then I suppose we’ll be put to death, then.”

 

“Eventually, all of you will die, yes. Whether that is due to execution or exhaustion depends on how skilled you are as workers.”

 

The man spat in his face.“Screw you.”

 

Göth took a rag out of his coat, wiping the saliva off his cheek. He holstered his sidearm,

before taking his knife back out. He promptly stabbed the man in his left eye,

beginning to twist the blade and move it around. He screamed, blood dripping out of the socket. Göth pulled the knife free, the mangled remains of the eye coming with it and landing on the ground. He then stuck the knife in the man’s left ear, doing the same thing again, twisting and moving the blade around inside. His screams continued, more blood being drained. Next, Göth began cutting off fingers. Then toes. By the time he finished, the man had lost six of his fingers, four of his toes, one eardrum, one eye, and his tongue. He limped away before falling to the ground, dead from blood loss. Göth cleaned his knife.

 

“She-Wolf.” He said.

 

“Hmm?” replied Ilsa.

 

“You and Heydrich’s daughter. I want you two to hang him from the gates, so incoming prisoners know what happens to those who are defiant.” Ilsa nodded, Emma helping her. Göth, meanwhile, went to check on his new secretary. Geneva was eating ravenously. He sat down across from her.

 

“Hallo.” she greeted.

 

“Hello, Geneva. I can see you are quite hungry. How long has it been since you have had a warm meal?”

 

“Months.”

 

“I assume you are a homosexual, ja?”

 

“...Pansexual.” Geneva said. He raised a brow.

 

“It is another word for bisexual.”

 

“Ah.”

 

She nodded, still eating ravenously. Göth lit a cigarette, before offering her one. She politely refused.

 

“No, but thank you.”

 

Göth nodded, shutting his cigarette case and putting it back inside his coat. He took a deep, slow drag off his cigarette, exhaling smoke.

 

“Before you were arrested, what did you do for a living?” he asked her.

 

“I organized files.” she replied. Göth snorted.

 

“That must have been very dull.”

 

“Oh, it was.” she replied.

 

“I assume you know the usual policies of the Reich regarding sexual deviants, ja?”

 

“Ja…” she replied, afraid. He chuckled.

 

“Oh, relax, Fraulein. I'm not going to shoot you.”

 

“Obviously, seeing as you made me a secretary.”

 

Göth leaned across the table, before whispering, “There are plenty of pretty young girls out there who would kill to be in your position. You are not special, Fraulein. I could just as easily put a bullet in your head right now and find another woman to replace you.” Geneva blinked. Göth leaned back, taking another drag off his cigarette.

 

“Where are you from, Fraulein?” he asked, instantly returning to acting polite and soft-spoken.

 

“Denmark…”

 

“Ah, Denmark. I went there on vacation about five or so years ago. A quaint little country, perfect for spending time outside of the chaotic clutter and noise of Berlin.”

 

“It is very peaceful, sir.”

 

“Indeed. Now, if you will follow me, I will show you to where you will be working.” He said, getting up. Geneva got up hesitantly, walking with him. Her desk was just outside of Göth’s new office, which had previously belonged to Emma. Her belongings were still inside, and he found Emma inside the office once he had helped Geneva get situated.

 

“What are you doing in here, Fraulein Heydrich?” he asked her, sitting down at the desk.

 

“This is my office.” she said. “Well, was. I am merely getting my belongings.”

 

“Sit, please. I insist. There are a few matters to discuss, anyway.” He replied. Emma sat. He offered her a cigarette. She took it, lighting it and taking a drag.

 

“You will still be running this camp, for all intents and purposes, Emma. May I call you Emma?”

 

“Ja.” she replied. He didn't bother hiding the fact he was looking her over.

 

“I respect you, you know. For all those who believe this camp is a refuge, there are blessed fee who knows it's true purpose. This is, in large part, due to the public image you have created for yourself as a benevolent caretaker.”

 

“Indeed. But as those who are aware of this camp’s purpose know, I am far from benevolent.”

 

“You are very benevolent on the eyes, if you catch my meaning.” Göth responded, smirking.

 

“Oh, you are not the first man to notice.” Emma said, smirking back.

 

“Have any men, shall we say, acted after noticing?”

 

“Many.” Emma said. “I am my father’s daughter, after all. And that means having as many men as I wish.”

 

Göth said, beginning to unbutton his coat, “By the time I am done, Emma, you will not wish to have any other man.”

 

Emma smirked. For the next half-hour, all that exited the office was the sounds of pleasure coming out of the two. When they were finished, Göth laid with Emma on the couch near the fire, stroking her hair. Emma kissed him softly, smiling. He kissed her back, before lighting a cigarette. He took a few drags, before offering it to her. Emma took it and smoked for a few minutes.

 

“Was it good for you?” Göth asked, already knowing the answer.

 

“Very. I have never been satisfied like that before.”

 

“I am a man of many talents, Emma.” He said, chuckling.

 

“Try saying that to Ilsa. No man can satisfy her appetite.”

 

“Oh, I have no intentions of seducing the She-Wolf. I've heard the stories.”

 

“Her talents are useful, no?”

 

“Indeed.” Göth said. Emma kissed his cheek. He kissed hers in return. He then pulled a blanket over them both. They fell asleep together.

 

Meanwhile, Ilsa smoked and drank with Heydrich. The alcohol was expensive French wine. For SS officers, no expense was spared when it came to satisfying their own desires. They were hedonistic and proud. Heydrich didn't usually partake in the same activities as his subordinates, but this night was an exception. He noted that Ilsa was still wearing his hat and coat. Ilsa smirked.

 

“Looks like I’m the superior officer now.” she teased. Heydrich smirked back at her. Emma had been wrong about there being no man able to satisfy Ilsa’s appetite; Heydrich was capable of doing just that. Ilsa kissed his cheek, grinning widely. He pulled her onto his lap. “I think I am in love with you.” Ilsa said.

 

“Really?” he asked, surprised.

 

“Yes.” she answered.

 

“I must say that this is...unexpected.”

 

“Oh?” Ilsa answered. “And you lusting for your own daughter isn’t?” She smirked. Heydrich briefly recoiled as if he had been struck, blinking a few times. “Oh, don’t act like you have no idea what I’m talking about. I can see how you look at Emma.”

 

His hand shot out, wrapping around her throat and beginning to squeeze. He knew it would bring her pleasure. Or, at least, it would initially. Indeed, she let out a moan before the sound was replaced by her struggling to breathe. He let her go, before drawing his sidearm and putting the barrel against her forehead.

 

“Does Emma have any idea?” he asked.

 

“Of course not. I have no intentions of telling her, anyway.”

 

“Good, because if you ever do...I'll kill you myself.”

 

“I will keep this secret, if you allow me a favor.” Ilsa said, smirking. He pulled back the hammer on his pistol.

 

“I am listening, Ilsa. However, I would choose your next words carefully.”

 

“I will give you what you most desire. The position of Fuhrer of the Third Reich.” Ilsa replied, stroking his thigh. That certainly got his attention.

 

“And how, exactly, do you plan to accomplish that?”

 

“Oh, I have my methods, sir. Just leave everything to me.” she said before kissing his neck. This led to another round of lovemaking. SS officers were also well known for being very sexual creatures. This little fact made them very susceptible to Slaanesh’s influence. However, the top echelons of the Reich were well aware of the Powers, and how easily they corrupted hearts and minds. This got in the way of Nazism and its ideals, which encouraged total, blind obedience to the state. So, while hedonism was allowed for SS officers, those who went too far with their pleasures were shot.

 

Meanwhile, Dr. Maniac sat around his and Mengele’s shared laboratory, rather bored. While the Hellbeast was complete, it was not stable. The Alchemists were still carrying out their rites, the ceremonies they conducted long and lengthy. Dr. Mengele occupied himself by visiting another room in the facility: The Twin Room. He had always been fascinated by twins. They shared so much in common. His experiments were meant to find out just how much. The subjects he was currently examining were twin sisters, two ten year old Jewish girls, named Rachel and Sarah. They were afraid, wanting to know when they could go home. He knelt in front of them.

 

“Do you girls like candy?” he asked gently.

 

“Ja...but our mother said to never take candy from strangers…” Rachel said.

 

“When can we go home?” Sarah asked.

 

“Soon.” He replied, before holding out a bowl of lollipops. “Come now, girls. Take one. They aren't dangerous, I promise.”

 

Sarah took one. Rachel refused. Mengele shrugged, putting the bowl away. Sarah, ever impatient, bit into the lollipop, not liking the almond taste. She suddenly fell, choking. Rachel covered her mouth, looking at Mengele. He smiled...before sliding the blade of his scalpel across her throat, slicing it open instantly. He caught her as she fell forward.

 

“Shhh...shhhh...it's alright, child.” He said softly, stroking her cheek as she died in his arms. Then, his work began. As Dr. Mengele performed the autopsy, Maniac was busy experimenting with new Biobeasts, namely by putting two animals in the Anthropomorphic Transformer and seeing the results. His first ‘subjects’ were a cat and dog. The result was...terrifying to say the least. Compared to the work Mengele was performing, however...well, suffice to say, Dr. Maniac looked like a saint compared to the man known as the Angel of Death. The Cat-Dog Biobeast was four-armed, with eight legs much like a spider’s and four eyes. It crawled out of the Transformer, howl-meowing in pain before dying. It was shot in the head twice just to make sure it stayed dead. Maniac took notes, mumbling that he would need to conduct more tests to improve the process.

 

Dr. Mengele soon entered the room, his lab coat stained with blood.

 

“Oh, hello.” said Dr. Maniac. “Your experiments have been going well, I see.” His tone was emotionless, as if he had lost all compassion years ago. Mengele nodded. After that, the two men watched as the Alchemists continued their work.

 

Meanwhile, it was night in Coastal Falls, and Firehawk had returned to the apartment, her little sister just behind. Starhawk smiled, having had a nice time. Firehawk pulled her into a hug.

 

“I love you, sister dear. So much.” she whispered.

 

“I love you too, Firehawk.” she whispered back. “My sister, my love.”

 

Firehawk smiled. “You are my love, as well, Star. I wish to spend the rest of my life with you, if you'd have me.”

 

“I would.” said Starhawk. “Forever.”

 

“Yes. Forever and a day. Just like in the marriage oaths.”

 

Starhawk smirked and whispered, “You may kiss the bride.”

 

Firehawk did so gleefully. Starhawk kissed her back, lost in the passion of their forbidden love. Firehawk looked over her sister’s shoulder as they kissed, idly staring out the window. She noticed something on a nearby rooftop. The glint of a scope. Her eyes widened, as her sister was closer to the glass, her back to the window. In an instant, Firehawk spun the two of them around, just as the Necron Deathmark outside the window fired. The shot that was meant for Starhawk hit her in the back instead. Starhawk broke the kiss hurriedly, looking at her sister.

 

“F-firehawk...please tell me you’re alright…”

 

Firehawk smiled, blood leaking out of her mouth, before she fell to her knees with a coughing gasp. “I..agreed...not to lie to you...anymore, remember?”

 

“Yes…” Starhawk said, trying to hold back tears. The Deathmark, seeing that she was still out of cover, fired again. What happened next came as a surprise to the emotionless machine. The round had impacted its intended target, as expected. However, instead of entering Starhawk’s chest...she had caught it.

 

Starhawk grinned widely, her eyes becoming saucers as she held the round. “You hurt my sister…” she said, her tone as monotone and emotionless as the Stormlord’s. “Now, I will hurt you.” With a loud screech that pierced the heavens, she threw the round back at the Necron dead center at its chest. The Deathmark, critically damaged, did something it's kind were never thought to be capable of: It fled, teleporting back to the base it had come from. Cradling Firehawk in her arms, Starhawk flew out of the apartment in an effort to look for aid. Angron, sitting in his usual spot as he watched over the sleeping Sally Anne, noticed her. He passed word of her frantic state, along with the injured Firehawk, to Usagi. Usagi was understandably still angry. And yet, she knew that Starhawk’s act of love transcended the taboo circumstances behind it. She rushed towards the Command Center, where Starhawk found her and Omnus waiting.

 

“I...must...see...Zordon…” she breathed. “He...can...heal...my sister...my lover…”

 

This was the first Omnus had heard of the situation regarding the...interesting relationship between the two sisters. He made a mental note to talk to Usagi about it later.

 

“Contacting Zordon would take too long. Your sister doesn't have much time. We need to operate right now if she is to stay alive.” He said, before leading them to the medbay. He sedated Firehawk, before he and Alpha got to work on treating the wound. Alas, the dosage of sedatives was not quite enough, as Firehawk woke partway through the operation. She did not see Omnus and Alpha, however. She saw Dr. Mengele and his assistants.

 

“Gottverdammt, she is waking. We cannot allow our work to be interrupted. Give her another dosage of morphine, and double it this time.”

 

“But doctor, we do not know what this will do to her mind! That much morphine in her system...it could be catastrophic.”

 

“I did not know you cared so much about this alien, Albert.”  Mengele said, retrieving a fresh scalpel.

 

“I don't, but Obergruppenführer Heydrich ordered us not to-”

 

“I am aware, but Herr Reinhard is not here, Albert. I am, and you will follow my instructions.”

 

“...Yes, doctor.” Albert said, jabbing a needle into Firehawk’s neck. The last thing she heard was Mengele beginning to cut into her again.

 

On the operating table in the medbay, Firehawk was screaming and thrashing, lost to her memories. Omnus had to give her a much stronger sedative in order to put her under again. It was only at the end of the operation that he noticed the jagged scars running across Firehawk’s stomach, scars that weren't there before she had been shot and they had started operating.

 

“My God…” he muttered as he and Alpha bandaged the area they had operated on. “What could have caused those scars?”

 

“I have no idea.” Alpha replied. “And I feel that it should be left unanswered.”

 

Firehawk woke again twenty minutes later. She rubbed her eyes, sitting up and looking around. Starhawk entered slowly and carefully, smiling at her sister and still crying, this time out of joy. Firehawk smiled tiredly, opening her arms.

 

“Come here, Star.” She did, hugging her gently. Firehawk snorted.

 

“This is much more gentle than your usual hugs, sister dear.”

 

“You just got done having surgery.” Starhawk said. “I need to be gentle with my loving.”

 

“If the Nazis couldn't break me, then your hugs certainly won't, either.” Firehawk replied. Starhawk nodded, tightening her embrace.

 

She turned to Omnus and said, “I am sorry that yourself and Alpha had to find out my sister and I were in a forbidden romance this way, Omnus and Alpha.”

 

“I don’t care if it’s taboo or not.” said Alpha. “You were willing to help your sister when she was wounded and in critical condition. If that isn’t an act of true love, then what is?”

 

Omnus nodded in agreement. “Love is love, as far as I am concerned. Your frantic rush to save your sister’s life proves without a shadow of a doubt that you two love each other, taboo or not.”

 

“I agree.” Usagi said, stepping out of the shadows. Starhawk narrowed her gaze at her, still upset over their fight earlier. “Starhawk, I’m sorry I yelled at you like that. I just...I was angry and disgusted, and wasn’t thinking straight.”

 

“Do not lie, Usagi.” said Starhawk. “I can see that this apology is a backhanded attempt at getting back together, just like in your romance fantasies.”

 

Firehawk was glaring at Usagi as well. If looks could kill, the Rangers would be short a leader. “I don't care who you are, or who your father is, or what you've accomplished. You make my sister cry again, I'll remove your organs. One. At. A. Time. Do you understand that, Blondie?”

 

“Go fuck yourself.” said Usagi. “I try and apologize, and that’s the response I get?” Alpha looked at Omnus. Though he had nothing to indicate emotion, the man he called his father figure picked up everything the little automaton wanted to say. Omnus looked back at him, not saying anything, either. Firehawk snorted.

 

“What? You thought you could come in here, apologize, and everything would be hunky-dory again?”

 

“Honestly? Yeah.” Usagi spat.

 

“Well, you are not going to get it.” said Starhawk. “Leave, or I will make you leave.”

 

Before Usagi could either storm out, or make Starhawk act on her word, Firehawk spoke again.

 

“You want to know something funny, Usagi?” she asked, her tone and usage of the White Rangers actual name, instead of the nickname, making it clear she was being dead serious about whatever she was about to say.

 

“What?” Usagi responded flatly.

 

“That Deathmark was originally ordered to go after my sister...by me.” Starhawk said nothing, Usagi glaring at her.

 

“Still a traitor, huh? Shoulda known…”

 

Firehawk spat at her. “Get your head out of your ass and listen for a moment, Tsukino. If I wanted you and your teammates dead, I would have slipped poison in all of your drinks during one of your excursions to the Juice Bar. I've killed hundreds of people, Usagi. As dangerous as your team is, you are still children, and still vulnerable. And, regarding the Deathmark, I ordered it to stand down about two hours after my arrival. However, Deathmarks, once sent after a target, never lose it. Star, did you ever notice how often I looked out the window, or at rooftops, when we were alone together?”

 

“Yes...you were looking out for me…” Starhawk said. Firehawk took out one of her daggers, offering it to Usagi.

 

“Go on, then. You want to kill me for treason? Go ahead. I won't resist.” Usagi was about to take it, until she was stopped by Alpha.

 

“Don’t. Neither killing Firehawk nor forcing forgiveness will get Starhawk back together with you, Usagi.”

 

“What will?” Usagi asked.

 

“...Leaving.” Alpha replied. “I will offer a nugget of wisdom to you; a kind of life lesson. Forgiveness won’t instantly come to you at the end of the day. Forgiveness must be earned, and only when someone is ready to forgive you.” He looked at Omnus.

 

“Usagi?” Omnus said softly. “Can I talk to you alone?” Usagi reluctantly nodded. She left with Omnus to a different part of the base.

 

“You are hoping I have advice that will instantly fix your problems, aren't you?” he asked as they walked.

 

“Well, yeah. Zordon was your great-grandfather, and he gave out advice to the Mighty Morphin and Zeo teams that solved every problem, right?”

 

“No. You see, Zordon, as wise and ancient as he is, is just as flawed as all other living things. Some of the advice he gave was misguided, and had disastrous consequences. Usagi, there are no easy answers here, as much as it pains me to say it.” Omnus replied.

 

“But is what Alpha says true? I can’t get forgiven that easily, as much as I want to?”

 

“He is correct. I know you want Starhawk to forgive you, and even love you again, but attempting to force her to will only make her angrier. Also, I assume you have figured out that act with the dagger was Firehawk testing you. She wanted to see if you'd be willing to kill her if it meant getting her sister to give you the forgiveness and affection you crave. Alas, you failed. Miserably.”

 

“I know. I’m stupid. I should’ve realized it was a test sooner.”

 

“Stupid?” he said. “You? Usagi, you are many things. Stupid is not among them.”

 

“...How do you explain my poor grades, then?” she replied dryly.

 

“You and I both know that when the threats banging on the gates of this world, and so many others, arrive, poor grades will be the least of your problems.”

 

“If I’m so smart, then why was I picked as a Ranger? You wanted the ‘best representatives of goodness and humanity in the multiverse’, or so you say.”

 

“If I may say something so bold, Usagi...you are the best Ranger I have ever trained. Ever.”

 

“I am? Then what about Naruto, Lettuce, Toby, Pinkie, and Ebony later on? Why were they picked, Lettuce and Ebony, especially? One’s a talking green penguin from an Antarctic island where all they do is work, play, and have parties every so often. The other is an angsty emo witch.”

 

“I chose them for the same reason I chose you: I could see great potential in you all. Some of you were even heroes before I recruited you.”

 

“Naruto, Toby, and Pinkie, yeah. Naruto is one of the greatest and most powerful ninja in his universe, Toby was able to save his world several times from when he was only ten, and Pinkie is an Element of Harmony. Where do Lettuce, Ebony, and myself fit in?”

 

Omnus noticed three things then: Usagi was looking away from him, she sounded sad and uncertain, and she had an unbelievable lack of self-esteem. He frowned.

 

“...You don't think very highly of yourself, do you?” he asked, his tone soft and sad.

 

“No. I’m a klutzy crybaby who eats a lot, and I’m slightly chubby.” she said. Usagi was thin, with no sign of chubbiness anywhere. Omnus, closing his eyes, called Kras’hir, who arrived in less than five minutes. He left the two of them alone. Kras’hir walked over to her girlfriend.

 

“Hey...what's wrong?” she asked gently. Usagi explained the whole situation. Kras’hir put a hand on her shoulder.

 

“Look at me, my love.” The Daemoness said. She did, tears in her eyes. Kras’hir pulled her into a hug.

 

“You are not chubby. You do not eat too much. You are not clumsy. You are not a crybaby.” Kras’hir whispered. “You are the most beautiful girl in the multiverse, Slaanesh and Their servants be damned.”

 

“You really think so?”

 

“Think, nothing. I know so.” Usagi smiled, booping the Daemoness’ nose, or the area where it would be if she had one. Kras’hir chuckled, before her amusement faded.

 

“Now, I want you to give me the names of the assholes who made you feel this way.” The Daemoness growled. Usagi listed the names of her childhood bullies. Kras’hir held her close after hearing this.

 

“How could anyone ever call you chubby? You are about as far from being overweight as humanly possible.”

 

“It’s because I tend to eat a lot.”

 

“Yes, but so do I, so don't feel bad. Now, I have to express my confusion as to why you don't think yourself worthy of being a member of the Rangers. Why do you think that?”

 

“I’m not a capable leader. That honor goes to Naruto. Red Rangers are more inclined to be leaders, I think.”

 

“Is it that you don't consider yourself a capable leader? Or is that you don't think you were a hero before joining the team? Or both?”

 

“I’m just not a capable leader. Being Sailor Moon is one thing. Being a Power Ranger is another.”

 

“...No, it isn't. From where I stand, your time as Sailor Moon was more impressive than a lot of what you have done as a Ranger. Why? Because, even though you were a schoolgirl, you did not run from the threats you faced. You spat in their faces, fought them, and won.”

 

“That’s true, but I did run from the threats early on.” Then, as if from nowhere, Luna appeared, having seemingly overheard the conversation. “Luna? Were you spying?”

 

Kras’hir, irritated at the interruption, cut off what Luna was going to say by picking up the cat and tossing her outside the room, locking the door. Luna hissed at this, muttering a few unladylike words to herself. The Daemoness ignored her.

 

“Where was I? Oh, yes. You said you ran early on. So? True courage, my dear, is not living without fear. Rather, it is knowing your fears, and facing them down. You did that, Usagi. You ran at first, yes. But you eventually stopped running.”

 

“That’s true. I did. So what? I may be a capable leader in battle, but when it comes to helping my teammates in personal problems, I don’t have a clue. Look at Toby, for example. His brother, who is only 12, mind you, is dying of cancer. What am I supposed to do other than give him emotional support?”

 

“That is enough. You can't save everyone, Usagi. Sometimes, people die. It just happens. You can't hold yourself responsible for every bad thing that occurs. All you can do is help your teammates out and give them support when they need it.”

 

“I heard Toby’s sister came over to Ebony’s house earlier to talk to him. She seems even more devastated than Toby or his mom…”

 

“Usagi, there is no need for you to feel guilt for not acting. There is nothing you can really do, my dear, except offer support to Toby.”

 

Usagi sighed, and nodded. Kras’hir stroked her hair. “Can I tell you something?”

 

“Anything.”

 

“Everyone has someone they consider to be their hero. For me...it's you. You're my hero, Usagi.”

 

“You look up to me, Kras’hir?” Usagi asked, smiling.

 

“Yes. Do you want to know why? I am sure this is surprising to hear.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Let me tell you something I've learned, Usagi. You can order a soldier to fight. You can order him to take a hill or invade a city. But you can't order a soldier to believe. Your teammates follow you, Usagi, whether you believe you are fit to lead them or not. There is no real reason to believe any of you will survive what is coming, and yet they follow, anyway. Why? You inspire them, give them the courage and strength of will to follow you into battle. That is why I look up to you, Usagi. You bring them, and me, hope.” Usagi stared at Kras’hir for several minutes, before kissing her passionately.

 

“Thank you.” she whispered. “That means a lot…”

 

“Anytime. You need another esteem boost, just let me know.” Usagi nodded, and left the Command Center with Kras’hir.

 

Firehawk, meanwhile, was still in her bed in the medbay, her eyes closed. Starhawk stroked her hair, softly humming. “How long must she recover for?” she asked Omnus.

 

“Your species is remarkably resilient. Hawkians heal from injuries much faster than humans ever could. She should make a full recovery within two days.” He replied.

 

“Thank you, Omnus. You helped my sister and me in a time of crisis. That is an honor.”

 

“Think nothing of it. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I turned either of you away when you needed my help.”

 

“Kindness will repay you one day.” Starhawk, before gently kissing her sister’s forehead. “I will return soon, Firehawk.” With that, she left. She walked, seeing what shops were still open. Omnus idly watched her through the Viewing Globe. He smiled when he realized what she was doing: She appeared to be looking to purchase a gift for Firehawk, in order to help make her recovery more bearable. Or, perhaps, merely to express her love. Either way, Omnus approved. She entered a music shop, and exited with a cheap electric guitar and several records, mainly Beatles ones. She returned, and laid the gifts beside Firehawk. “For you, my love.” she whispered. “When you awaken, I hope you’ll like them.”

 

Before she could leave, her hand was grabbed. Firehawk had reached out, taking her younger sister’s hand as she slept. “Don't go…” she whispered.

 

“I won’t.” Starhawk said, sitting down next to her. “I love you. Always and forever.”

 

Firehawk opened one eye, whispering, “Forever and a day.” Starhawk smiled, and sang to her sister in hushed tones. Firehawk embraced her, singing along. When they had finished, Starhawk smiled.

 

“Do you like your gifts?”

 

Firehawk nodded. “Thank you, sister dear. You really didn't have to, you know.”

 

“I didn’t, but I did. Because I wanted to make your recovery more bearable. But I did it out of love, more importantly.”

 

“Thank you.” Firehawk responded, smiling.

 

“You’re welcome.” Starhawk replied. After that, a peaceful silence fell.

 

Meanwhile, Göth was still laying with Emma on the couch where they had made love, gently stroking her hair. Emma smiled, kissing him. He kissed her back. “I love you.” she said, running her fingers over his chest. He smirked.

 

“Do you, now?”

 

“Ja, Amon.” she replied, smirking back. He chuckled, kissing her again. She kissed back, which devolved into more carnal lovemaking. When they had finished, it was Emma stroking Amon’s hair.

 

“And that is why I love you.” she said.

 

“Because of how skilled I am with with my tongue?” he asked, grinning. She nodded.

 

“I wonder what your father will think when he finds out about this little relationship, hmmm?”

 

“He will surely approve.”

 

“Surely. And if he does not, well...there are ways around it.”

 

“Indeed. I will check up on the progress of Dr. Mengele and his new colleague in their little project.”

 

“Nein. Let those science types handle themselves. You and I have a camp to run.” Göth responded. Emma nodded, and redressed. He did the same, walking over to the window. The inmates had gone to bed early, it seemed. He snorted, walking to the rather dismal building all of them slept in. He entered, looked at all of the resting inmates, then drew his sidearm, shooting a round into the ceiling. They awoke, standing at attention. He walked between the two lines of inmates, counting them off. Every fifth one was shot in the head. The remaining inmates looked at Amon, scared beyond beliefs.

 

“All of you, outside. Now.” He ordered. They obeyed without question. It was raining, and soon enough, the inmates were soaked and shivering. One woman was foolish enough to ask for a blanket. She was shot, this time by Emma.

 

“Anyone else?” she asked coldly. No one answered. “That is what I thought. Now get to work.”

 

The inmates did, secretly noting Emma’s change in attitude. The mask of a benevolent caretaker she had worn was now gone, and they all got to see the ruthless, cruel, pitiless woman that lurked underneath. Emma supervised them, refusing to give them food when they asked. Those who kept annoying her were shot. When the inmates had finished working, it was nighttime. “Now, wasn’t that enjoyable?” Emma asked.

 

“Go to hell.” someone said before they were shot by a guard. The inmates were then led into the part of the camp that functioned as a cafeteria. Their dinner consisted of cold soup, lukewarm coffee, and old bread. Edible, but miserable to eat. Göth, Emma, Ilsa, Geneva and the guards, meanwhile, had a grand feast laid out. Turkey, pork, chicken, roast beef, wine...if It could be named, it was likely part of the meal they ate. To rub more salt in the wound, they all had their food in the same room as the inmates. Geneva was taunted at by several prisoners, all calling her a traitor. Ilsa made motions to shoot at them, but didn’t. Instead, she ordered them to be taken to her office. The guards knew exactly what this meant. As did the inmates, who instantly began to beg and plead for mercy.  They were ignored as guards dragged them away. Göth ordered the guards to stop before they reached the door.

 

“Do not take them to the office of the She-Wolf. Take them to the dark place, instead.” The guards nodded, grinning. This would be much more fun. The inmates were wailing now, begging for Göth to change his mind. He ignored them. When the guards returned, the defiant prisoners were gone. Göth noticed two inmates, both female, whispering to each other.

 

“You two. What are you talking about?”

 

“Our love for one another.” one inmate replied defiantly.

 

“Lies.” He said, his tone bored.

 

“We don’t lie.” she replied.

 

“People of the same sex can't possibly feel genuine love for each other. It is unnatural.” Göth said.

 

“Screw you.” she replied, jumping at Göth to attack him. He caught her by the throat, smiling coldly.

 

“Oh, dear. Aren't you in trouble now, you foolish woman.” He said, chuckling. He pushed her towards one of the guards. “Take her to my office. I shall deal with this one personally.” They nodded, the woman screaming and cursing at him. She was taken to his office, before being gagged, bound and blindfolded, the guards putting her in a chair. Göth came to her ten minutes later, taking off the blindfold and removing the gag. She glared at him, eyes narrowed.

 

“Hello, Sofia. That is your name, right?”

 

“Ja, bastard.” she answered.

 

“She doesn't love you, you know.”

 

“Yes. She. Does.”

 

“She's the reason you're here. She sold you out, and told the Gestapo all about your little relationship, all in the hope that they would be merciful.”

 

“Now who’s the liar, you or I?”

 

“I have no reason to lie. I merely wish to prove my point: She doesn't love you. She wanted mercy for herself, not you.”

 

Sofia growled. “Fine then. Put me out of my misery. It would satisfy you, yes?”

 

“No. I don't want to kill you. You don't deserve it.”

 

“Don’t lie. In your eyes, you think I deserve it for being ‘deviant’, right?”

 

“I don't believe you are a deviant. You have never loved women, have you, Sofia?”

 

“I have.” she replied, irritated.

 

“You haven't.” He said. “You only claim to because you had a bad experience with an older man when you were younger, and you have been scared to try and date someone of the opposite sex ever since. Is that correct?”

 

Sofia knew she had been bested, and she nodded. He put a hand on her cheek.

 

“You do not have to fear me, Sofia. I am only trying to help you. Is that what you want?”

 

“Yes.” she said, tears in her eyes.

 

“Do you promise, on pain of death, to serve the Reich, the SS, and myself until you are released from duty?”

 

“Yes.” Sofi replied, her voice breaking. He embraced her.

 

“Tell me what you want, Sofia, and I will give it to you. You have my word. It can be a warm bed, a hot meal, the freedom to visit your family. Whatever it is, I will provide it.”

 

“I want love.” she whispered. He grinned, pulling her into a kiss. She kissed back, melting into Amon’s embrace. They proceeded to make love in several creative positions. When they finished, Sofia wrapped her legs around Amon’s waist. He smirked.

 

“Satisfied?” Göth asked.

 

“Of course.”

 

“Good. Now, let's return to the cafeteria, shall we? You could use a hot meal.” He said, taking her arm in his as they returned to the room in question. Emma glared at Sofia, taking an instant dislike to her. For Sofia, the feeling was mutual. She sat, eating her fill. Göth picked up on the mutual jealousy almost instantly, smirking into his wine. This would be an interesting dynamic. He noticed Sofia’s former lover looking at the girl in question, a look of betrayal on her face. Sofia ignored her, eating. The girl continued to stare.  A guard shot her, not even bothering to look her in the face. She slumped over the table, a gasp escaping her.

 

“Sofia...why?” she managed to say, the words just loud enough for her former lover to hear.

 

“Because I was never a deviant.” came the chilling response. The girl, whose name was Liana Mengele, coughed up blood.

 

“I loved you, you know…” Liana whispered, not caring about the Nazis around her. “It doesn't matter if you never loved me in return. I just...had to say it.” Sofia ignored her, which made Liana realize something in her last moments: Sofia was fully consumed by her blind obedience to the state, and nothing would change that. Liana smiled, pulling an object out of her shirt. A popping sound could be heard, followed by the sound of a small metal object bouncing off the table and onto the floor. Liana held up the grenade she had managed to steal, still smiling.

 

“Burn, motherfuckers.” She said, her final words before the grenade exploded. The Nazis were very good at making grenades. The explosion instantly killed every inmate in the cafeteria, save for the ones at the farthest table from her. Several guards were killed, with several more either blinded by the explosion or lacerated by shrapnel. Göth was thrown backwards, his head slamming into the wall, the blow knocking him out. Sofia held onto him, trying to protect herself as well. Emma and Ilsa guarded one another. All three of them had been hit by shrapnel, but the cuts were minor. When the dust cleared, Emma dusted herself off, as did Ilsa. Geneva was dead on the floor, a shard of wood lodged in her throat. Sofia looked at her, then Amon.

 

“A waste.” Emma observed.

 

“Yes.” Ilsa agreed.

 

 

Dr. Mengele received word of his daughter’s death twenty minutes later. He was silent for a moment, before he screamed, beginning to stab the body he had been working on with his scalpel. Dr. Maniac sympathized with Mengele, or would have if he still felt anything for his dead son. He told Mengele as much, which was a bad idea, to put it lightly. Mengele promptly shot him in the chest. Maniac cough-laughed.

 

“Is that meant to kill me, doctor?” he said. “I take most injuries as if they were nothing.”

 

Mengele threw down his gun. “Get out.”

 

“No. I will not leave until the Hellbeast is unleashed upon Coastal Falls.”

 

Mengele turned away from him, before leaving the facility and heading for the camp where Liana had been held. Emma met him at the gates, and offered her condolences.

 

“I am sorry I had to tell you.”

 

He drew his gun, putting the barrel against her temple. “Save it. Take me to Göth.” Emma nodded, taking him to Göth’s office.

 

“Amon? Josef Mengele wishes to speak with you.”

 

Göth noticed that she was being escorted at gunpoint. He asked casually, “What can I do for you, Josef?”

 

“My daughter is dead, Göth. What did you, Fraulein Heydrich, and the She-Wolf do to cause it? I know you three played a part in it.”

 

“It was suicide, Josef.” Emma said matter-of-factly. “She used a stolen grenade.”

 

“Ja, I know. I read your report. However, I knew my daughter well enough to figure out that she wouldn't do something like this for no reason.”

 

“She did it because a ‘lover’ of hers was taken under our wing.” Ilsa said. “She thought it was a crime of passion.”

 

“Ja.” Emma agreed. “She was intending to take all of us with her.”

 

Mengele laughed. “Good. I wish she had.” Emma stared at him, jaw dropping. Mengele nodded.

 

“I've despised you for a very long time, Emma.”

 

“Why?” she asked, curious.

 

“You act so much like your father, but you lack his cunning and political savviness. You intimidate people without much thought of the repercussions. In short? You're just like any other SS officer.”

 

“Your criticisms, they mean nothing. I am like any other SS officer, and I am proud.” Emma said, sneering.

 

“Do you know that difference is between you and I?” Mengele asked. “The work I do has a purpose. Yours just serves as an outlet for your sadistic impulses.”

 

That is true.” Emma said. “Though, my work involves killing undesirables, which does serve a purpose.”

 

“Also, your schoolgirl romance with Amon Göth makes me feel quite sick.”

 

“I do not care.” Emma said. “That is irrelevant.”

 

“It is. He'll kill you when he gets bored, you know. I assume you can guess what the consequences of that will be.”

 

“Again, I do not care.” Emma replied, bored.

 

“Your little camp will be investigated by the Gestapo, you stupid girl. What do you think will happen if they find the...secret part of it?” Emma said nothing, looking at Amon. She was at a loss for words. He shrugged.

 

“I don't plan on killing you, Emma, so his point is moot.” Emma nodded, looking at Mengele. Mengele lowered his gun.

 

“I lowered my gun, She-Wolf.  You can lower yours.” Ilsa did so warily. He looked at her.

 

“My, my. I see the rumors about how you dress are certainly true.” The doctor said mockingly.

 

“Oh, do shut up.” Ilsa responded. “I happen to like my outfit.”

 

“I am sure most men would agree. And many women.”

 

“Indeed they would.” Ilsa replied.

 

“Unfortunately for you, I am not like most men. So, also unfortunately, you will not be able to use your feminine charms to convince me to do what you wish.” Mengele said before standing up. “I must return to my work, but know this: I will not forget what happened to my daughter. After all, she did spend time in the secret part of your camp, didn't she?” Emma nodded.

 

“She put up a struggle, but it was worth it.” Her tone was smarmy, rubbing salt into Mengele’s wound. He, without a word, struck Emma across the face. She fell, clutching her cheek. He pulled her to her feet, before striking her again. She rose, then rightfully struck back. This soon devolved into a full-on fistfight. Ilsa attempted to pull them away, but was unsuccessful. Göth was content to sit back and watch. Ilsa joined him, resigning herself to watch the fight play out. Emma emerged cut up and bruised. She looked at Mengele, scowling. He grinned.

 

“Get out.” Emma hissed. “Get out now. Before I kill you...”

 

Then, out of the blue, he kissed her. It was purely heat of the moment, of course. Or, at least, that was how he rationalized it. Emma punched him in the teeth.

 

“Never kiss me again, Josef.”

 

He spat out a tooth. “I'll kill you one day.”

 

“Try and see what happens, Mengele. Now leave.”

 

He did...while covertly sending a message to the Gestapo, ‘suggesting’ they search the camp. They sent a message back, considering it. An hour later, three men in suits approached the camp gates. Emma recognized them as Gestapo agents, refusing them entry.

 

“Go away.”

 

One of them spoke, “Nein, Fraulein. We have a job to do.”

 

“I said leave.”

 

“Nein.” Emma sighed, and reluctantly let them in. They entered, beginning to look around. Emma led them around, knowing exactly what they wanted. Eventually, she had to show them the secret part of the camp. She did so, but was defiant to herself all the way through.

 

She showed them every square inch, then said, “Go ahead. Kill me, as you intend to do.”

 

They didn't. Instead, one of them said, “We will not kill you. Rather, we intend to have you continue your work.”

 

Emma was certainly surprised, but was nonetheless relieved. “Danke.”

 

“It will continue under the supervision of the state, Fraulein. You will be closely monitored.”

 

“Understood.”

 

The Gestapo men left as quickly as they'd arrived. Emma retired for the night, sleeping in her office. In Coastal Falls, meanwhile, morning had arrived, the sun beginning to peek over the horizon. Toby had spent the previous night crying on Ebony’s bed, the former and Blackhawk trying their best to make him feel better. Ebony laid Toby on her lap, stroking his hair softly. Kras’hir slept with Usagi, her slumber, for once, free of nightmares. Usagi groaned, slowly waking up. Kras’hir snored softly, turning onto her side. Usagi looked at Kras’hir, smiled, and snuggled into her. Starhawk, meanwhile, had fallen asleep next to her sister. Firehawk had woken up when the light of the sun began to shine, and was now rubbing the crust out of her eyes. She smiled, kissing her sister’s head. Starhawk slowly woke up, smiling.

 

“Good morning.” Firehawk said softly.

 

“Good morning, good morning.” Starhawk replied, singing softly. Firehawk giggled. “Are you feeling better, Firehawk?” Starhawk asked.

 

“Much.” her sister replied, stretching.

 

Starhawk smiled. “Good.” She then kissed her sister. Firehawk kissed her back, purring. “What shall we do today?” Starhawk asked. Firehawk sat up, wincing a bit, before getting out of bed. Starhawk rose, taking her hand. Firehawk stumbled a bit, before steadying herself.

 

“I don't know. What do you want to do?” she asked, giving her sister’s hand a gentle squeeze.

 

“I’m not sure.” said Starhawk. Firehawk thought about it.

 

“Hmmm...we could go flying.” Starhawk looked concerned.

 

“Are you sure you’re well enough?”

 

Firehawk nodded. “I need this, my love. The freedom of flight will help make the healing more bearable.” Starhawk nodded, hugging her sister. They walked outside, and took off into the sky. Firehawk laughed as they flew, the wind whistling past her ears. Starhawk laughed with her, loving the feeling of spending time with her sister.

 

“I love you so much, Firehawk.”

 

“I love you more, sister dear.” Firehawk replied. Starhawk kissed her suddenly, both managing to stay in the air. Firehawk kissed her back, the two of them spinning in midair like dancers. Starhawk broke the kiss, grinning madly. Firehawk kissed her again, this time on the neck. Starhawk let out a moan, which echoed across Coastal Falls. Firehawk smirked. Starhawk smirked back, holding her sister close.

 

“Shall we join the mile high club?” she whispered. Firehawk nodded, continuing to smirk. And so, the two made love in midair, their sounds echoing across the sky. The love the two of them shared was heard all across the city below. Lettuce and Pinkie heard it as they were out to get breakfast.

 

“...Well, I guess I’ve heard everything.” the penguin snarked. Pinkie felt a bit sick, pushing her food away. “My thoughts exactly.” Lettuce said. Kras’hir was sitting on the roof of the apartment building, smoking a cigar, when she heard it. Her eyebrows rose, but that was her only reaction. Usagi was sitting a bit away, and she felt queasy. Ebony was instantly turned on when she heard it, Toby not so much. He stared at Blackhawk silently. Blackhawk shrugged. Starhawk landed on a cloud, snuggling her sister. Firehawk panted, grinning.

 

“That was amazing.” Starhawk said, purring. Firehawk nodded in agreement.

 

“Indeed.”

 

Starhawk grinned. “That was the best loving I have ever had.”

 

“Truly?”

 

“Truly.” Starhawk said, stroking her sister’s hair. Firehawk smiled.

 

“Good.”

 

“Shall we go do something else?”

 

“Sure. Any ideas?”

 

“Let’s go eat something.” Starhawk suggested.

 

“Alright.” Starhawk went bought some sandwiches after landing, ignoring the stares she got. Firehawk followed her, smirking at those who stared. Starhawk sat at a bench and ate. Firehawk ate with her, a comfortable silence falling over them. “I can’t believe we are being stared at.” Starhawk said.

 

“Well, we did just screw several miles over the city. Loudly.”

 

“Yes. It was pleasurable for both of us.” Starhawk said. “People seem to think I am innocent. I am not. At all.”

 

“Oh, I know.”

 

An idea then popped into Starhawk’s head. “I think we should make our own music. For the fun.”

 

Firehawk considered it. “Hmm...maybe.” Starhawk wrapped an arm around her sister. Firehawk grinned, continuing to eat. When Starhawk had finished, she hugged her sister tightly. Firehawk hugged her back, noting that people were still staring.

 

“Why do you stare?” Starhawk asked a nearby man. “Making love several miles in midair is no crime.”

 

“You're right. But did you really have to be so damn loud?” he replied dryly.

 

“Yes. You can be as loud as you want when you’re making love.” Starhawk replied, equally dry in tone. He snorted.

 

“Whatever. I know what you Hawkians can do, and I'm in no hurry to irritate you.”

 

“Good.” Starhawk said, going back to cuddling her sister and preening her affectionately. Firehawk giggled, leaning into Starhawk and stroking her hair. The crowd around them dispersed, the people in it heading home. Firehawk hummed to herself, kissing her sister’s head. Starhawk looked at her, still preening. Firehawk grinned.

 

“I know I have said it many times lately, but I love you, Star.”

 

“My feelings haven’t and won’t change.” Starhawk replied.

 

“Good. That is good. If you ever leave me...I don't know what I'll do.”  Starhawk didn’t answer, as she was finishing preening Firehawk. Firehawk stretched, leaning back against her sister again. She looked to her left side, smiling lazily.

 

“Hello, Rangers.” She said, her tone quiet and relaxed.

 

“Hello.” Usagi said bitterly. “Don’t mind us. We’re just walking around.”

 

“Hey, Usagi? I've got a gift for you. You know those big, rubber exercise balls? I got you one of those, with a sex toy attached to it. The thought being you can sit down on it...and go fuck yourself.” Firehawk replied, her tone now an irritated hiss.

 

“Why I oughta-” Usagi began, but Toby, Ebony, Naruto, and Blackhawk held her back.

 

“It isn’t worth it.” Naruto said. “Lets just go.”

 

“No.” said Firehawk, getting up. “Let her finish! What ought you do, Usagi?”

 

“I oughta punch you for stealing my girlfriend from me.” Usagi said. Naruto facepalmed, Toby mouthed to Blackhawk, ‘Oh boy…this is gonna be fun, lemme tell ya’, and Ebony backed away slowly.

 

Firehawk frowned, turning to look at Starhawk. She knew how angry that comment had made her sister, but wanted to see it for herself. Starhawk’s face had contorted into an expression of rage, and she swore in the most ancient and rainbow-filled curses of the Hawkian language.

 

“Yeah…” Toby said. “Don’t bother translating, Blackhawk. I don’t wanna know what she just said.”

 

Firehawk smirked, before ‘helpfully’ acting as a translator, “She said, quote, ‘Why, you stupid, shit-licking, ass-eating, twat-sucking thunder-cunt! I hope you get violated by your own ancestors, you dumb fucking bitch! I hope your God-Emperor father force-feeds you his manhood, slut!’”

 

“That didn’t help.” Toby commented.

 

“Let’s just go. said Usagi, trying to keep her cool. “These two are a waste of time.”

 

That was a foolish thing to say. Firehawk narrowed her eyes, before launching herself forward. She grabbed Usagi by the collar, before pulling the girl forward, her free hand, curled into a fist, colliding with Usagi’s nose. She felt it crack, and grinned savagely. Usagi covered her nose, blood coming out of it. Firehawk stepped back, before rolling her eyes as the Rangers moved in front of Usagi protectively.

 

“I’m not sure if you just broke Usagi’s nose, but you’d better apologize.” Lettuce said. Firehawk looked at her sister.

 

“Star, do you feel I should apologize?”

 

“Not at all.” Starhawk said.

 

“Alright, then.” Firehawk replied. “I apologize, Usagi. I should have hit you harder.”

 

Usagi cried, Ebony stopping the flow of blood. “Let’s go.” she said. “We don’t need any more trouble.”

 

Firehawk waved as they began to leave. “Good. Go. Fuck off. Don't come back, you uptight, pompous pricks.”

 

“IGNORING!” shouted Toby as they walked away. Starhawk huffed, crossing her arms. Firehawk spat, lighting a cigarette.

 

“Gods, they get on my nerves.”

 

“Agreed. You did not ‘steal’ me, Firehawk. We merely took our love to the next level.” Starhawk said, taking a cigarette of her own out. Firehawk lit it for her.

 

“Sister dear, you cannot be stolen like some trophy, anyway. You are capable of making your own choices.” She said, exhaling smoke. Starhawk nodded, smoking with her, the exhaled smoke forming the shape of a heart on close inspection. Firehawk took her sister’s hand, smiling softly. Starhawk smiled back.

 

“All you need is love.”

 

“Love is all you need.” Firehawk replied, smoking her cigarette down to the filter and flicking it away, before pulling her sister into an embrace. Starhawk hugged her back, kissing her warmly. Firehawk kissed her back, before reaching into her coat and taking something out. Starhawk, after a moment, felt something being placed around her neck, then being clicked. Firehawk had gotten her a necklace. Starhawk smiled.

 

“Another gift.” she said. On it were the phrases ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE and LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED engraved on two halves of a heart. Firehawk smiled sheepishly.

 

“On Hawkia, when a male or female decides to wed their partner, they present them with a necklace to mark the occasion. So, I got you this because...well…”

 

“You wish to wed me.” Starhawk said. “I accept.” She then hugged her sister. “I love you, my bride…”

 

Firehawk held her close. “We will be wed as soon as...as soon as we find someone here willing to wed us.”

 

“Really?” Starhawk whispered. “I would love that.”

 

“That is, if there is anyone in this city, or on this planet, willing to wed us. Our relationship is taboo, in the eyes of humans, remember?” Starhawk sighed, nodding.

 

That was, until Sans seemingly appeared from nowhere. He appeared to be dressed in Imperial Ecclesiarchal robes, grinning widely as he always did. This was at the same time that an elderly man, dressed in the clothes of a Christian minister, happened to be passing by, as well. He had overheard the two of them talking, and walked over to them. He spoke, completely ignoring Sans, as if he wasn't bothered by the walking skeleton, “I would be more than willing to wed the two of you, if you like. As far as I am concerned, love is love in the eyes of the Lord, regardless of who shares it.”

 

“my thoughts exactly. this is father johnson. i’m currently working for him as an ordained minister.” said Sans. “the both of us can get you guys sorted legally, if you want.”

 

“That would be wonderful!” Starhawk said. “Thank you, Sans.”

 

Firehawk nodded in agreement. Father Johnson smiled warmly. “Lovely. Come along now, children. Let's go to the church. It's just up the road. We need to make wedding preparations!”

 

With that, the old minister set off, whistling cheerfully. Firehawk followed him. As did Starhawk and Sans, who assagued Starhawk’s fears about what people would think, telling her that he and Papyrus had given Undyne hell for her actions. Papyrus, being a nice guy, was a bit more forgiving. Sans, understandably, was still angry with Undyne.

 

“It’s good you gave Undyne the same sort of treatment.” Starhawk said. “They say that there is a Golden Rule: treat others as you would want to be treated.” Sans nodded in agreement. Upon arriving at the church, Father Johnson led them to his office. He sat at his desk, taking out a pen and paper. He motioned for Firehawk and Starhawk to sit. Firehawk took a seat. Starhawk did the same. Sans sat at his own desk, which was much smaller. He began sorting out the legal affairs such a marriage would entail. He had told Father Johnson, upon being ordained, that he did not hold down a job too long out of his own volition. Father Johnson had simply smiled and said, “The Lord has His own path laid out for you. I wouldn't dream of interfering with it.”

 

The minister in question clicked his pen. “Now, I am going to ask the two of you a series of questions regarding what you want your marriage ceremony to be like. First question: How many people should we expect to be coming?”

 

“This will be a small ceremony.” Starhawk said to her sister. “Agreed?”

 

Firehawk nodded. “The only person I think will come is Blackhawk. Beyond that, I don't know how many people will want to attend.”

 

“One or two people, then.” Starhawk said to Father Johnson. “Close friends of ours.”

 

He nodded. “So, you will not need invitations made, then. Hmmm...you obviously know I am a man of God. So, the next question I have is this: How do you wish for me to conduct the ceremony? Do you want me to do it in my usual way, asking you to say your vows before the Lord, and requesting He bless your union? Or would you prefer it to be done in the name of the Emperor? Or would you prefer me to leave religion out of it entirely?”

 

“The Emperor we can strike off.” Starhawk said. “I do not have good experiences in recent memory with His kin. Leaving out religion entirely, I am unsure. So, unless my sister objects, we will go with your usual way, whatever that may be.”

 

“That works for me.” Firehawk said. He nodded.

 

“Alright. Hmmm...so you will not need a party to be planned for after the service, due to how few people are coming. Alright, that is all. I assume you two wish to have proper wedding gowns, or dresses, or whatever you choose to wear, before the ceremony is conducted?”

 

“Yes!” Starhawk said, elated. Firehawk grinned, nodding in agreement. Father Johnson smiled softly.

 

“Well, I won't keep you. Go on.”

 

“Thank you.” said Starhawk, getting up. Her sister did the same, before the two of them ran out of the church. They spent the next three hours looking at various wedding dresses, before they both finally found one they liked. Both were purple and black, matching traditional Hawkian royal colors. Firehawk was elated when they exited the clothes shop.

 

“I can't believe this is really happening.” She said, laughing happily.

 

“As am I.” said Starhawk, hugging her sister. “We will be married, and then we’ll be happy…” she sang softly. Firehawk, despite knowing how many of them would reject it, contacted each of the Rangers, extending invitations to the wedding. The only ones who accepted it were Lettuce, Ebony, Toby, and Blackhawk. The latter extended the invitation to his brother, who accepted. Billy and Rocky politely declined, citing a busy schedule. Kira accepted before Firehawk finished asking, saying brightly that it would be her pleasure to attend. This left Firehawk stunned for a moment. The incestuous aspect of the wedding hardly seemed to matter to Kira. She knew love was love, as long as it was not breaking any laws. The rather rushed wedding took place an hour later. Along with all of the Rangers who had attended, there was Coop, and Omnus, who had decided to attend after overhearing all the talk about the ceremony. Starhawk was elated as she kissed her sister, much to the delight of the crowd.

 

The after party did end up happening, after all. It was rather mellow, with the guests drinking champagne and idly chatting.

 

“Congrats, you two.” said Lettuce.

 

“Thank you.” Starhawk said. They had decided that Jacques Manchot’s restaurant would be suitable for the after party, the house band led by Lettuce playing big band versions of Beatles songs. The two brides had danced to All You Need Is Love, it being the first song that was played. Now, the music had faded to the background for Firehawk, who was holding the hand of her new wife. Starhawk smiled, eating a slice of cake prepared by Jacques himself. When he had heard from his son about this unexpected party, he was certainly surprised. Nonetheless, Jacques was a kind penguin, and it was not hard to see where Lettuce had gotten his good nature from. Firehawk was rather glad the other Rangers hadn't shown up. The ones who hadn't shown were the ones who annoyed her the most.

 

Toby was drunk on champagne, much to Ebony’s and Coop’s amusement. He was busy trying to hit on one of the female house band members and failing. Kira was laughing at a story Blackhawk was telling. The story wasn't exactly humorous, but Kira had been laughing at everything, due to being a bit drunk. Ten minutes before, she was laughing at a lamp. Lettuce was chatting with Kira at the same time, letting his band do jazzy Beatles instrumentals. Omnus was content to sit by himself, his glass of champagne untouched. Lettuce jokingly suggested to Kira they play Seven Minutes in Heaven. He laughed it off, thinking nothing of it for a few minutes. It took him that amount of time to notice her staring at him. “What?” he asked.

 

“I'm not playing that game with you.” She said, snorting.

 

“I know. It was a joke.” Lettuce said. Firehawk stood, clinking a spoon against her glass.

 

“I'd like to make a toast, if I may! A toast to my lovely sister-wife, the band which has played so many lovely songs, and all of you, for coming! Thank you all for making this wedding ceremony and party great!”

 

“Here here!” Starhawk said, kissing her sister-wife. Firehawk kissed her back, smiling widely.

 

“Ah, young love.” observed Jacques. “Is it not grand, Retthi?”

 

“Yeah.” Lettuce agreed. “It may be unorthodox, Dad, but as long as they’re happy, it’s all that matters.”

 

Omnus said, idly sipping his champagne, “I am just glad Usagi didn't attend. The last thing we need today is any drama regarding her feelings for Starhawk.”

 

“Oh?” said Jacques. “Do explain. Usagi is one of my son’s friends, yes?” Jacques knew that his son was a Power Ranger, as were some of the other guests. He was very proud, but this was the first time he was really speaking to their mentor face to face. Omnus was considered to be a living legend by some, death incarnate by others. People speaking to him for the first time tended to feel a bit overwhelmed.

 

“Have you met Krystal yet, Jacques?” Omnus asked curiously, thinking he already knew the answer.

 

“Yes, though I have not had a chance to speak with her.” Jacques said, pouring himself a combination of champagne and scotch. “She is Usagi’s girlfriend, or so my son says.”

 

Omnus nodded. “Yes, she is. You see, Krystal and Starhawk slept together, while Krystal was in a relationship with Usagi. Now, contrary to what you may think, this did not make Usagi angry enough to end the relationship. Rather, this led to the three of them entering a polygamous union. This didn't last long after Firehawk here came to Core Earth and ended up seducing her sister. Strange, isn't it?”

 

“Very.” Jacques said. “It reminds me of the romance novels I read before I met my wife.”

 

“Usagi’s temper doesn't help the situation much. Neither does the fact that Firehawk broke her nose this morning.” Jacques looked at his son. Lettuce winced.

 

“Yeah...don’t ask, Dad. I don’t wanna have to remember what happened.”

 

“That is fine. I can see that Omnus doesn’t wish to recall anything, either.”

 

Omnus nodded. “The only part of that whole ordeal that could be considered humorous was the long chain of vulgar insults Starhawk let out after that rather stupid comment Usagi made. Firehawk was actually being tactful when she translated what was said.”

 

“She was, huh?” Lettuce replied. “Dad, pass the scotch. I’m gonna need it.” Jacques nodded, handing the bottle to Lettuce. He opened it, taking a massive swig. Omnus finished his champagne.

 

“I'll admit, as someone who is quite fluent in Hawkian, I cracked up after she finished cursing Usagi out.” He said. “Even you, Lettuce, can say that Usagi’s comment was unbelievably foolish.”

 

“Pretty much.” Lettuce said. “Not even my mother, who’s a Jungian psychologist, would have been able to solve the dispute.”

 

Speaking of, where is she?” Omnus asked. “I thought she would be here. Or did the whole affair make her uncomfortable?”

 

“She is here.” said Jacques. “Just a bit farther away, at that table in the corner.”

 

“Yeah...she likes focusing on her work.” said Lettuce. “She’s not the socialite type of lady.”

 

Omnus nodded. At that moment, Firehawk, clearly having had a bit too much to drink, began juggling three of her daggers. Considering the blades were coated in a fast-acting neurotoxin, this was more dangerous than it seemed. Starhawk, being more sober, snatched the daggers away from her in a panic. Firehawk pouted.

 

“You're no fun, sister dear.” She said, her voice a bit slurred.

 

“That is because you could have ended up killing yourself just now.” Starhawk said. “You are drunk, Firehawk.”

 

“Drunk? No, no, no, I'm Firehawk. Just Firehawk. My name isn't Drunk Firehawk, you silly bitch…” she replied, giggling to herself. Starhawk glared at her, unamused.

 

“Are you even aware of where you are, my love?” she asked, concern in her voice.

 

Instantly, Firehawk straightened up, the slur in her voice disappearing as she giggled and said, “Hehehe, I got you good, sister!” Starhawk didn’t laugh. Instead, she tried holding back tears. Firehawk hugged her, kissing her cheek and wiping away her tears.

 

“I was never truly drunk, sister dear. I knew what I was doing the entire time.” She whispered. “Don't be afraid.”

 

“You could have killed yourself…” Starhawk whispered. “And after our wedding, no less…”

 

Firehawk casually twirled one of her daggers idly. “I trained for about five years with these daggers, Star. The day I manage to cut myself with one of them is the same day I shave off all my feathers and fly into the sun.” This made Starhawk feel better, at least mostly. She kissed Firehawk softly, warmth filling her body. Firehawk felt the same warmth as they kissed, a wide smile appearing on her face. Lettuce tapped his own glass as he walked back to the stage, sitting at the grand piano.

 

“I’d like to dedicate this next song to the couple of the hour.” he said. With that, he began to play.

 

“She belongs there, left with her liberty

 

Never known as a non-believer

 

She laughs and stays in the

 

Won- won- wonderful

 

She knew how to gather the forest when

 

God reached softly and moved her body

 

One golden locket quite young

 

And loving her mother and father

 

Farther down the path was a mystery

 

Through the recess the chalk and numbers

 

A boy bumped into her

 

Won- won- won- wonderful

 

All fall down and lost in the mystery

 

Lost it all to a non-believer,

 

And all that's left is a girl

 

Who's loved by her mother and father.

 

She'll return in love with her liberty

 

Just away from the non-believer

 

She'll sigh and thank God

 

For one won- won- wonderful…”

 

Firehawk and Starhawk had danced to the song, the two of them gliding slowly and gracefully across the floor. Starhawk smiled, putting her head onto her sister’s shoulder. Firehawk kissed her head, softly humming. “I love you…” Starhawk whispered.

 

“I love you too.” Firehawk whispered back. Starhawk smiled, and kissed her sister as Lettuce and the house band launched into a rendition of Wouldn’t It Be Nice. Starhawk listened as Lettuce sang, the song fitting the situation even better now, especially when Lettuce changed a lyric: ‘We just got married/And now we are happy’. Indeed, they were married. And they were happy. Firehawk felt happy and joyous, for the first time in a long time. Starhawk broke the kiss and looked into her sister’s eyes. Firehawk smiled at her.

 

“You will never leave me. I know it.” Starhawk whispered. Her tone was confident, and yet that deep-seated fear of abandonment returned, if only briefly. Firehawk hugged her tightly.

 

“You are correct. I will never leave you, Starhawk. Never.”

 

“Never?” she asked, reassured.

 

“Never. I will never leave you again.” Starhawk smiled.

 

“You are my soulmate forevermore.”

 

“Forever and a day, sister dear.” Firehawk said in a sing-song voice. Starhawk giggled. Firehawk did, too. When the party died down, Starhawk headed back to the apartment, her gown still on. She carried Firehawk bridal-style, kissing her all the way. Firehawk kissed her sister back passionately, purring. They consummated the marriage when they got home, their passion and love kindled further.

 

Meanwhile, the Hellbeast was near complete stabilization. Mengele ran a final test to ensure it was ready, then sent it to Coastal Falls. It's arrival was marked by a massive explosion, the portal it entered through causing the blast as it opened. 200 people were killed instantly by the shockwaves, another 300 receiving grave injuries. The Hellbeast threw back its head and shrieked into the sky, spreading the fleshy wings on its back. Alarms blared at the Command Center, Alpha trying to contain his usual panicking. Omnus was as calm as usual, contacting the Rangers to inform them of the situation. Moments after the final message was sent, he noted that Starhawk and Firehawk were already attacking the creature. Apparently, the two of them had paused in their lovemaking long enough to realize what was going on. They were fighting as best as they could, firing energy beams at the Hellbeast at a rapid pace. The Hellbeast shrieked again, swatting at them.  Firehawk dodged lazily, continuing to fire energy beams at the creature's head. Starhawk was putting in much more effort, nearly exhausting herself. The Hellbeast took advantage of this, swatting her aside. The blow sent her flying through several buildings, before slamming into a large tree. Firehawk screamed her name, going to help her. The Hellbeast got in her way, and paid dearly for it. Firehawk hit the creature in the jaw with all her strength, sending it flying several miles into the air. She flew up with it, before slamming both fists into its chest, sending the Hellbeast plunging into the center of the city. That was when the Rangers arrived, already morphed.

 

“We’re going to need the Cosmic Multimegazord.” said Usagi. Naruto, Lettuce, Toby, and Ebony agreed. Firehawk continued beating the shit out of the Hellbeast, each blow cracking the ground beneath her. The Rangers summoned their Zords, each one attacking the Hellbeast. The Bullzord let off a stream of fire, the Fishzord cooling it with a small tsunami. The Centaurzord kicked the Hellbeast repeatedly, then stabbed it with a massive sharpley-bladed arrow. The Ramzord slammed into the Hellbeast, the Crabzord held it down with its massive claws, and the Scorpionzord stabbed it just like the Centaurzord did. Starhawk slowly got up, groaning. She was hurt, but she was still determined to defeat the Hellbeast. Slowly rising, she gathered her energy, and remembered a move from a show she once watched.

 

“Ka...meh...ha...me...HA!” she yelled, releasing a massive blast of green energy which hit the Hellbeast in its only open spot: the crotch. The beast let out a howl, before throwing all of its attackers off with a flick of its massive wings. All the Zords fell to the ground, damaging the ground even further. Slowly getting up, the Zords combined into the Cosmic Multimegazord, and stood its ground against the Hellbeast. That was when Firehawk realized something: The Hellbeast’s roars of anger weren't roars at all; the creature was screaming in pain. The Hellbeast was trying to relieve its own pain by inflicting it on others. Starhawk then got an idea: she flew up to the beast and began singing softly to it. This was an incredibly stupid move, at least from the Rangers’ perspectives. In the context of what Firehawk had just realized, however, it was viable. The Cosmic Multimegazord attempted to get Starhawk away from the Hellbeast, but she refused to move.

 

“Friends, do you not realize violence is not the answer to this battle?” she pleaded. “If you keep attacking, it will only grow stronger. Recall Blackhawk’s experiences under Mt. Ebott: he did not fight.”

 

The Hellbeast crooned, the pain in its voice fading for a moment. Firehawk backed away from it, wiping the blood off her fists. Starhawk softly sang a Hawkian lullaby as the Rangers watched from within their mecha. Dr. Mengele, watching through a surveillance device in the Hellbeast’s brain, was stunned at this development. Dr. Maniac had left the base, back to Queen Beryl’s fortress. Starhawk continued to sing, smiling warmly at the Hellbeast.

 

“Fascinating…” muttered Lettuce. “Music soothes the savage beast indeed.”

 

Then, the pain came back, and the Hellbeast shrieked. Starhawk was thrown back, hitting the ground again. Dr. Mengele grinned madly, watching as the fight began again. The Cosmic Multimegazord began slashing at the Hellbeast with the Power Sword, while Starhawk began unleashing more Kamehameha attacks. The Hellbeast gave as good as it got, lashing out at the Cosmic Multimegazord with quick claw strikes. “Hey, Blackhawk?” Usagi said over the comms. “Why don’t you, y’know, actually try and help us?!” As she said this, the Cosmic Multimegazord was getting thrashed. She received no answer, as Blackhawk was busy fighting a much smaller creature the Nazi Alchemists had sent to distract him.

 

Firehawk, meanwhile, had an idea. She drew a pair of her daggers, before flying at the Hellbeast. With a shriek, she dove into its open mouth. Starhawk screamed her name, almost breaking down again. The Hellbeast howled again, before it was cut off. The beast grunted, clutching its stomach. From inside, bursts of purple light emerged. Those watching through the surveillance device looked intently. Starhawk’s heart leaped into her throat as the lights grew brighter and brighter. After another moment, the Hellbeast’s stomach exploded outward, a tidal wave of blood and gore spewing out. Out of the mound of guts and blood emerged Firehawk. She was drenched in blood, her feathers, beak and clothing completely red. Starhawk hugged her as the Rangers took the opportunity presented to them and stabbed the Hellbeast in the exposed wound with the Power Sword. It ripped the blade out, before swatting the mech aside with contemptuous ease. It tried to rise, before collapsing. Firehawk, shrieking in rage,  brandished her daggers and leapt on the Hellbeast’s face. She began stabbing the creature in the eyes, jaw, throat and snout, her arms moving so fast the blades were impossible to see. Starhawk joined her, using her talons rather than energy attacks this time. It didn't take long before the two Hawkians were absolutely drenched in blood, both of them shrieking ferally. It was rather unnerving to witness, especially as the Hellbeast was twitching and writhing beneath them. Usagi, taken with Khornate bloodlust from watching the sisters give into instinct, burst from the mech, Full Moon Bade in hand. She screamed praises to the Blood God as she stabbed the prone Hellbeast, becoming equally drenched.

 

Firehawk glared at her, before catching the blade mid-strike. “No, Blondie. This is my kill.”

 

With that, she punched Usagi in the face with all her strength, and the two of them began fighting. Usagi growled, screaming curses in a Daemonic tongue as she and Firehawk fought. Firehawk pinned her to the ground, sending the corruption inside Usagi’s mind and soul. She didn't like the girl, but she liked the Chaos Gods even less. She began to chant.

 

“Wind Goddess, Lady of the Hunt, grant me thy blessings. Scourge the taint of Chaos from the soul of this warrior. Show her your light, grant her your boons, and make her path clear. Wind Goddess, hear me now.” Firehawk whispered, running her fingers along Usagi’s back, tracing the holy symbol of her people across the thrashing girl’s flesh. Usagi let out a primal scream that could be heard throughout the entire multiverse as the Daemon was expelled from her body. The Mark of Khorne glowed brightly before disappearing in a flash of light. Firehawk let out a sigh of relief, getting off of Usagi and helping the girl stand. Usagi looked at her and for a brief moment smiled kindly at Firehawk. Firehawk, their rivalry forgotten, pulled Usagi into an embrace. Usagi was certainly surprised, but accepted the embrace anyway. Things were made even more awkward as Starhawk joined them. Firehawk pulled back after a moment.

 

“Do you feel calmer now, Usagi?” she asked.

 

“Much calmer. I can’t thank you enough for what you just did, Firehawk.” Usagi said. “I know this sounds old and worn, but I’m sorry for the way I acted towards not only you, but Starhawk especially.”

 

“I am sorry too.” said Starhawk. “I should have invited you to my wedding.” Usagi did a double take and looked at her.

 

“What…” was her only response. Firehawk snorted.

 

“I tried to invite you, Blondie. You cut me off after three words by telling me to go fuck myself.”

 

“...That was because I was still pissed off about our fight.” Usagi said. “I’m willing to let bygones be bygones because you saved my life.”

 

“Are you, Usagi?” Starhawk asked. “Because I cannot stay mad at you. I am, by my own admission, too nice.”

 

“I'm not.” Firehawk said. “If you're willing to let all of this go, I am, too. However, if you are not ready to let all of this go...you and I will have problems.”

 

“I’m willing.” said Usagi. “Again, you saved my life. That proves that even if you’re angry with me, you’ll still lend me a hand.”

 

“That wasn't the reason I helped. I just hate the Chaos Gods more than I could ever hate you.”

 

“Still, I owe you my life.” Usagi said. “Now, are we going to finish off this Hellbeast, or what?”

 

The Hellbeast could hardly muster the strength to groan when Firehawk approached it. She kicked it in the chin at full strength, the blow caving in its windpipe and snapping its spine. The Hellbeast gasped, it's head slumping. Before it's eyes shut, a voice whispered on all of their minds.

 

“Thank you…”

 

“Did it just say thank you?” Toby asked.

 

“Yep.” said Ebony.

 

Firehawk said, “We freed it from a painful life.”

 

From Dr. Mengele’s office, his assistants were stoic, observing that the monster tactic didn’t work after all. Mengele himself was unsurprised. They sent a report to Heydrich on the matter. Ilsa received it, and gave the file to him. He read it, before chuckling a bit.

 

“So, the tactic used by Doctor Maniac failed. I am not shocked by this development.”

 

“Neither am I.” said Ilsa, who sat on Heydrich’s couch next to Liesel. “It is ineffective in our case.”

 

“So what will you do about it?” Liesel asked.

 

“We will continue to do what we have been doing already: Observe and wait. Our time will come.”

 

Ilsa nodded, wrapping an arm around Liesel, who didn’t mind. Heydrich went to make coffee. When he returned, he found Ilsa making out with Liesel, who was clearly enjoying it. Liesel broke the kiss in shock, turning to her husband. “Erm…” she began. Heydrich didn't even change his expression.

 

“For the love of God, be discreet.” was all he said. Liesel nodded, and went back to making out with Ilsa, who winked suggestively at Heydrich. He left the room, leaving the two of them alone. He would hear the two women engaging in carnal activity from the next room sometime later.

 

Meanwhile in Coastal Falls, Usagi had met Starhawk and Firehawk at their apartment to discuss matters pertaining to the former’s relationship with her. “So, will we get back together, as they say?” Starhawk questioned.

 

“I don’t know. You two are married now, and I wouldn’t feel right intruding on that.” said Usagi.

 

“Good.” Firehawk said. “This isn't a polygamous marriage, and I'm the clingy, jealous type.” Starhawk sighed.

 

“Don’t be sad.” said Usagi. “So things won’t work out between us right now. That doesn’t mean we still can’t be friends.”

 

“That is true.” said Starhawk. “But Kras’hir is still in love with me. I am not sure how she’ll react to my new marriage.”

 

“Don’t worry. I’ll make sure Kras’hir doesn’t go berserk.” Usagi said.

 

“I'd hope I wouldn't, considering I was invited to the wedding.” Kras’hir said, entering the room. “Don't worry, Starhawk. I've considered it, and I've realized I think of you as more of a little sister than a lover.”

 

Starhawk nodded, smiling. “Danke, as Firehawk likes to say.”

 

Kras’hir nodded, sitting on the couch. Usagi sat next to her. “I’m pretty angry at Undyne, you know.”

 

“I think I can guess why.” The Daemoness responded. Usagi nodded.

 

“Why we’re still recording that damn album at her place is beyond me.” muttered Usagi. Kras’hir shrugged.

 

“I have been wanting to record music recently.” said Starhawk. “It would be fun for both myself and Firehawk.”

 

Firehawk nodded in agreement. “It does sound fun.”

 

“I can get you some recording equipment.” Usagi said.

 

“Oh, please!” Starhawk said. “I wish for it to be subpar.” Usagi looked at her oddly. “I am fascinated by ‘lo-fi’ music, as it is called.” she elaborated. Firehawk was staring at her oddly, as well.

 

“As a perfectionist, I have to politely disagree with you, Star.” She said dryly. Starhawk stuck her tongue out playfully.

 

“I can get you some moderately-priced, but good equipment from my friend Kira.” Usagi said.

 

“Oh, I have met her before.” said Starhawk. “Where do you think I got Firehawk’s guitar and several records?”

 

Firehawk said to Usagi, “We'll take the equipment. I'll consider it a wedding gift.” Starhawk squealed in delight.

 

“I’ll make sure Star gets a guitar too.” said Usagi, which made the Hawkian more delighted. A few hours later, Usagi returned with various recording tools and another guitar. Starhawk hugged her, having been writing down potential duo names. She had decided on ‘Taboo Sisters’. Now all she needed to do was tell Firehawk. Once she did, Firehawk considered it, then shrugged and said, “Fuck it, let's go with it.” Starhawk began to practice on her guitar, though she didn’t understand the idea of chords; only melody. Firehawk thought she was doing a good job, considering that was her first time playing. Her admittedly bad playing was masked by experimentation in noise and feedback, combined with an extremely low tuning, giving it a ‘punk’ feel. Firehawk lit a cigarette as she listened to her sister-wife play, a small smile on her face. After a minute or two, Starhawk stopped, gesturing for Firehawk to join her.

 

“Come, sister, dear. Let us practice seeing how well my playing goes with yours.”

 

Firehawk grinned, and a minute later, the two of them began to play. Starhawk’s noisy, grindish melodies jarred with Firehawk’s more simple, poppy chords, which was seemingly perfect to the two. Kras’hir didn't like it, and did her best to resist wincing at the noise. Usagi cringed inwardly, but figured that if the sisters liked it, then that was what mattered. Kras’hir took a long swig from her flask, hoping it would help dull the pain in her ears. As Starhawk played, she began singing random topics that popped into her head. Firehawk was content to play, keeping her singing voice out of it. Starhawk stopped playing when she ran out of lyrics, and found some paper and a pen. She began writing lyrics down, occasionally tapping the pen against her beak in thought.

 

Kras’hir cleared her throat. “Fuck me, that was painful to listen to.” Starhawk looked at her sadly.

 

“You didn’t like it?” she asked.

 

“I did.” said Usagi.

 

“Okay, it wasn't terrible.” Kras’hir said. “But the playing styles you two use don't mesh all that well.”

 

“If you don’t know anything, then that gives you more opportunity.” said Starhawk.

 

“Hey, you can play however you want. Just be aware that people may hate your music because of how much your playing styles clash.”

 

“We are not making music for other people. We are making music for ourselves.” Starhawk said before she went back to writing lyrics. Firehawk sat with her, helping her sister with the writing process. Starhawk’s lyrics were jumblings of words that popped into her head. Firehawk took the pen from her sister and began rewriting these word jumblings into proper song lyrics. Starhawk looked over at her work. “That is very good, Firehawk.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“What, exactly, did she write?” Usagi asked.

 

Firehawk handed the lyrics sheet over to Usagi. The name of the song was “We Don't Care”, the lyrics addressing people who felt any discomfort and disgust about the relationship the two sisters were in.

 

“I swear, people are going to label you guys as a punk band.” Usagi said.

 

“If they will label us as such, then so be it.” said Starhawk.

 

“I have bigger things to be worried about than the genre of music we fit into.” Firehawk said dryly.

 

“Such as?” Usagi replied.

 

“My role as the Necron Prophet, for one.”

 

“Oh, that.”

 

“Yes. That.” Firehawk replied.

 

“Nothing is set in stone.” said Starhawk. “You do not have to be the Necron Prophet.”

 

“You're right. I don't have to. I want to.” Starhawk hugged her tightly. Firehawk could sense how much what she had just said had scared her sister. She was nearly shaking. Firehawk stroked her back, humming softly. Starhawk instantly felt better. Firehawk smiled, kissing her head. Starhawk snuggled into her, smiling. Firehawk rested her chin on her sister’s head.

 

“Should we leave?” Usagi asked. Kras’hir nodded. Usagi got up and exited the apartment. Kras’hir followed her. Firehawk began humming again. Starhawk soon fell asleep, still holding her sister. Firehawk carried her to bed. Starhawk mumbled, “Don’t leave.”

 

“I won’t. Not now, not ever.” Starhawk didn’t answer, but smiled in her sleep. Firehawk laid down with her, and soon fell asleep herself.

 

In the deepest levels of the Reichstag, Dr. Mengele met with Heydrich and Goth. Both of the Nazi officials hated him with a passion, but neither could deny his scientific skills. They had worked out a deal: He would have access to the scientific facilities of the Reich, and the two Nazis, along with the rest of the Reichsrat, would be allowed to meet with Queen Beryl. Mengele opened communications with her, and she greeted them amiably.

 

“Ah, it is nice finally meeting you. I am to assume Dr. Maniac gave you no trouble, Mengele?”

 

“Nein...well, unless you count his rambling. But that is neither here nor there.”

 

“Ah. You two must be Reinhard Heydrich and Amon Göth.” she said.

 

“Ja.” Heydrich said. “And you must be the elusive Queen Beryl.”

 

“I am she, yes. What is the purpose of this meeting?” Beryl asked.

 

“For the moment, Frau Beryl, our goals align. The Power Rangers must be destroyed.” He replied.

 

“Agreed. But how will we accomplish this goal, seeing as neither of our methods work?”

 

“There is a simple answer. We must stop relying on such flashy methods to kill them.”

 

“Flashy? My youma are not flashy.”

 

“Your youma are about as subtle as a nuclear bomb, Frau Beryl. The Rangers will always see them coming.”

 

“That is true, but they are the only viable way to gather energy.”

 

“That may be so, but your goal of gathering energy is irrelevant to the Reich. We only care about killing the Rangers, so they will not interfere when we invade.” Beryl narrowed her eyes.

 

“I am intent on reviving my Great Ruler to consume the planet. Our goals are different.”

 

“Indeed. You are unworthy to conquer Core Earth, Beryl. You will die like all other aliens and sub-humans.”

 

“While I am considering cutting off communications because of that remark, I will not. Instead, I will listen to what you have to say about new methods.”

 

“Well, we have gone over many plans. One of them was kidnapping a member of the Rangers as they slept, then torturing him or her to draw the others into a trap.”

 

“Interesting. What else?”

 

“Poisoning their meals. Sending an assassin to cut their throats while they sleep. Sending a sniper to put a bullet in each of their brains. Planting a bomb in the places they gather.”

 

“All viable methods. I also hear you are building your own Zords to combat theirs?”

 

“Ja, but you are missing the point. We must come up with a method to kill them all that will prevent them from being able to use their Zords.”

 

“Why are their little machines so important?” Beryl asked.

 

“Alone, they can be handled rather easily. However, if they manage to unite…” Beryl realized what he meant.

 

“I see.”

 

“Ironically enough, it is not the Rangers that concern me most. It is Firehawk, the Necron Prophet, that is the most uncertain variable in this whole situation.

 

“We will get rid of her first.” Beryl decided. Heydrich decided to show her the footage of Firehawk pounding the tar of the Hellbeast. “...Hm. Perhaps we will use her sister, the one called Starhawk, as bait.”

 

“...I wouldn't recommend it.” Himmler piped in. “Firehawk is like a force of nature when she gets angry. I've seen her slaughter dozens of heavily armed men with nothing but her bare hands.”

 

“Hmmm...we will decide on what to do later.” said Beryl. “For now, let us go our separate ways, onto our own plans.”

 

“Oh, and did I mention that the two of them are...well, wed?” Heydrich said, completely casual. Beryl stared, eyes wide.

 

“They...wed?”

 

“Ja.”

 

“That is...interesting to know.”

 

Heydrich nodded, ending the call. He leaned back in his chair, lighting a cigarette.

 

“Hm.” said Mengele. “That was rather quick.”

 

“Ja. Queen Beryl is not our friend, Josef. We will have to eliminate her when the need arises.”

 

“Mm-hm. I will be in the science facilities, continuing my work. I will see you gentlemen later.” He then saluted before leaving. Heydrich turned to Göring. “Has Shadow Squadron returned from their mission yet?”

 

Shadow Squadron was the most elite team of pilots in the entirely of the Luftwaffe. “Nein.” Goring answered.

 

“Recall them early. Their current task was rather minor anyway.” Hermann obeyed, and the Squadron returned. Once they had assembled, Heydrich gave them their new orders: They were to travel to Coastal Falls, using a portal device that didn't official exist, and fly over the city in the most advanced stealth aircraft in the Reich. They were to observe what was going on below, returning to their homeland periodically to refuel and report back.

 

“Ja, mein Fuhrer! HEIL HITLER!” they replied before getting into their jets, turning them invisible, and flying into the portal. Once they had gone, Heydrich returned home. Emma was waiting for him, laying on the couch.

 

“Hallo, Emma.” He said, hanging his hat and coat on a hook.

 

“Hallo, father.” she purred. Wait...purred? Something was amiss. He turned to look at her, his eyebrow slowly rising. She was dressed in a far more seductive version of her SS uniform, the top buttons of the shirt undone. He coughed a bit in surprise.

 

“E-Emma?”

 

“What?” she said, her sultry tone not changing.

 

“Why are you dressed like that?”

 

“Because I am trying, to put it simply, seduce you. I thought about my conquests earlier, and realized there was one man I wanted to sleep with. You.”

 

“What caused these feelings, Emma?” he asked, unashamedly looking her over.

 

“I can see you lusted for me during the inspection, as cleverly as you tried to hide it.” she said. “I am not stupid.”

 

“Nein, you are not.” He said, walking over to her, undoing the rest of the buttons on her shirt, and pulling it off. Emma kissed him, French-style, as she ran her hands over his body. He roughly groped her breasts, gasping into the kiss. She pulled away, smiling ferociously. He kissed her again, this time on the neck. Emma held him close, a small gasp escaping her lips.

 

“I love you, father…”

 

Heydrich smirked, pulling off the rest of her clothes. He kissed her everywhere, her lips, her neck, her breasts, her thighs. He relished the gasps he drew out of her. She grinned, turning out the lights as they got down to business.

 

Firehawk, meanwhile, was fast asleep, when a device in her coat began buzzing. The Stormlord wished to speak with her, it seemed. She got out of bed, crept out of the apartment, and went to the roof. She pulled out the device, set it down, and pressed a button. Almost instantly, a hologram of Imotekh appeared, which she bowed to.

 

“My Lord. You wished to speak?”

 

“Yes. What is your progress?” Imotekh asked.

 

“The task you gave to me is easier than expected. I have gained the trust of the Rangers, just as you wished, and they have started trusting me with their secrets. Not all of them, but some.”

 

“And your sister?”

 

“She is in love with me, as I am certain you already know.”

 

“I am aware. Do not let this interfere with your mission.”

 

“Do not worry, my Lord. My sister will not be a problem.”

 

“Good. Farewell, Firehawk.”

 

“Farewell.” She said, his hologram fading. She put the device back in her coat before heading back inside. Starhawk was still asleep, thankfully. Firehawk laid down with her, before whispering, “One day, Stormlord, I will tear out your metal heart...”

Edited September 6, 2018 by Renegade the Unicorn

[4EverGreen]

We're heading into the final home stretch! It's time to get the show on the road for a new episode of “Total Cartoon Global Cruise!” / Sniz is in a hotel lobby, and he says: “Last time on Total Cartoon Global Cruise, it was down to the Final Four! Suzie, Patrick, Skipper, and Reggie, were all vying to wind up on top, in order to be able to be the rightful winner, of $44.44 million in cold hard cash! The competition had led them to Chicago, Illinois, where one final contestant would face an elimination, out of the game. Suzie Carmichael had no end of trouble. Her partner, Otto Rocket, took off on his own, forcing Suzie to skip an important part of the challenge, and losing valuable time, when Otto had to carry her up all the way up the Willis Tower, on 103 stories of stairs! OUCH! As if that wasn't bad enough, Suzie's safety harness suddenly broke, forcing Otto Rocket to quickly descend all 103 stories, to try to save her. He succeeded in saving her, at the cost of Suzie, accidentally breaking every bone in his body! Now THAT'S tough love! Wracked with guilt over having caused the incapacitation of her boyfriend, Suzie decided to drop out of the competition, in order to take care of her beloved. Leaving with $41 million, for all her troubles. Now, with 55 contestants eliminated, we are finally down to the Final Three! Patrick Star, Skipper the Penguin, and Reggie Rocket! Their travels and challenges, have seen them compete in Japan, the tundra of Alaska, San Francisco, Death Valley, New York City, the Amazon rainforest, Paris, Mexico, the Grand Canyon, San Marino, Greenland, India, Mount Everest, Area 51, Australia, China, the Congo, Vietnam, Canada, Norway, Egypt, Pakistan, Slovakia, and more! They have beaten other contestants like Jimmy Neutron, Kitty Katswell, Haggis McHaggis, Lil Deville, Angelica Pickles, Treeflower Fields-Beaver, Judy Funny, Sway-Sway, Harvey Beaks, Super Chum, Invader Zim, Keswick, Kaput, Oonski the Great, Otto Rocket, Buhdeuce, Spongebob, Larry, Master Tigress, Daggett and Norbert, Gonard, Master Po, Dog, Stimpy, Wally, Dudley, Zarbon, Bulma, Captain Retro, Chameleon, and others! They've beaten every other challenge thrown at them so far! Now all that's left is the race that will get them to the final challenge, and the only competition left, is with each other! Three finalists will enter, but only one can claim the grand prize, on this penultimate episode, of Total Cartoon Global Cruise!” /

Instead of the normal show open, a montage of all the destinations and challenges that the Final Three have been through, are played throughout the entire season, is played, while a popular 1979 song plays over the montage. / Genre: Progressive Rock. Sub-genre: Supertramp. Song: “Take the Long Way Home”. Sung by: Supertramp! / Roger Hodgson sings: “So you think you're a Romeo, playing a part in a picture-show. Take the long way home. Take the long way home. Cause you're the joke of the neighborhood. Why should you care if you're feeling good? Take the long way home. Take the long way home. But there are times that you feel you're part of the scenery. All the greenery is comin' down, boy! And then your wife seems to think you're part of the furniture. Oh, it's peculiar, she used to be so nice! When lonely days turn to lonely nights, you take a trip to the city lights! And take the long way home. Take the long way home. You never see what you want to see. Forever playing to the gallery! You take the long way home. Take the long way home. And when you're up on the stage, it's so unbelievable! Oh unforgettable, how they adore you! But then your wife seems to think you're losing your sanity! Oh, calamity, is there no way out?! Oh, yeah! (Instrumental solo) Ooh, take it, take it out! Take it, take it out! Oh, yeah! Does it feel that your life's become a catastrophe? Oh, it has to be, for you to grow, boy! When you look through the years and see what you could have been. Oh, what you might have been, if you'd had more time! So, when the day comes to settle down, who's to blame if you're not around? You took the long way home. You took the long way home. Took the long way home. You took the long way home. You took the long way home, so long. You took the long way home. You took the long way home, uh, yeah! You took the long way home. Long way home. Long way home. Long way home. Long way home. Long way home. Long way home.” / And the epic song ends! /

“Life Is a Highway, Route 66, That is!” / The episode opens up properly, and Sniz is waiting outside of a fancy hotel, for the other contestants to come out! Sniz says: “Welcome to what is surely to be one of the most intense match-ups of the entire season! We've got a three-way battle heading into this final stretch, but there can only BE, one winner! The other contestants are getting their things all ready, to prepare for today's challenge! But before they get out here, we asked them all earlier, to make one FINAL airplane Confessional, in regards to what THEY think their chances are winning the grand prize, on the final episode of this season! Roll the D.V.D. Clips!” (Confessional)

Patrick and Pearl are together. Patrick says: “Well, I'm here! SOMEHOW, despite all the odds against me, through sheer luck and stamina, I made it to the Final Three! Now that I'm here, I guess there's only one thing I can do, and actually try to WIN this whole thing! I have to PROVE to everyone in Bikini Bottom, that a sea star CAN do something great and productive in his life! And right now, the greatest thing I can think of, is trying to win this entire game!” Pearl says: “And maybe after that, you can defeat the Little Monkey Man and save the EIGHTH Dimension!” Patrick says: “One difficult task at a time, Pearl. One difficult task at a time!” / Skipper and Marlene are together. Skipper says: “I can't BELIEVE some fools actually believed that just because I got voted off TWICE this season, that I honestly WOULDN'T make it to the Final Three this season! But I'm HERE, suckers! So WHO'S laughing now?!” Marlene sighs and says: “Skipper, maybe we should just quit and just walk away with third place, right now!” Skipper asks: “Why?” Marlene says: “Well, this whole thing about YOU being eliminated twice, and then being inexplicably brought back twice; it feels like we've CHEATED our way to get to this point!” Skipper asks: “What are you saying?!” Marlene says: “I'm SAYING that it feels like we took AWAY a chance for someone MORE deserving, someone who actually WORKED this entire season to try to GET to the Final Three, and you were just GIVEN a chance when, if EVERYONE is being COMPLETELY honest with themselves, we don't REALLY deserve to BE here!” Skipper asks: “Why do you THINK that?!” Marlene says: “I'm just saying that I feel GUILTY about being here, and the only reason why we're BOTH here, RIGHT now, is simply to PANDER to a demographic, that we should have NEVER pandered to!” Skipper groans, and says: “So NOW you want to try to develop a conscience, after leading on Captain Retro for an entire season, temporarily breaking up with ME for acting crazy, and NOT whaling on Bulma when you had a chance?! How CONVENIENT! If you had CARED about the truth from the START, I NEVER would've been eliminated in the FIRST place!” Marlene sighs and says: “I know that if Captain Retro were here, he would say that he could only protect us from Bulma's plan. He couldn't protect US from our own mistakes!” Skipper asks: “How is MY being here a mistake?!” Marlene says: “THINK about it, Skipper! This show has already had TWO...well, THREE back-to-back male winners in the past two seasons! This show is over-due for a FEMALE winner! And with Suzie gone now. Well...” Than Skipper FINALLY has his epiphany, and he says: “Holy SHI--!!” (Camera Cuts)

Reggie and Rocko are together. Reggie says: “I had a rough time getting my proper footing, initially. I was on a losing team, Bulma put an emotional micro-chip on me, I cast a throw-away vote Suzie's way because I couldn't vote off Angelica, and I had a tough time trying to shine with Captain Retro trying to draw Bulma's attention. But despite all of that, I made it all the way here!” Rocko asks: “Did you ever doubt yourself?” Reggie says: “Well, the thought that I COULD have been voted off at any point was always a thought in my mind! But now that there are NO more Elimination Ceremonies scheduled; there are only two options left to us now; either go big and WIN this whole thing, or go home! And I have NO intention of going home now!” (End Confessional) The three contestants and their partners walk out of their rooms, and Skipper STILL has a shocked look all over his face! Sniz asks: “What's the matter with Skipper?” Marlene sarcastically says: “Oh, his life is over!”

Skipper screams: “My LIFE is OVER!!!! A whole SEASON'S work of effort for NOTHING!!!!” General Barracuda says: “You have no one to BLAME for this predicament except yourself! If you had JUST accepted your initial loss from the START, you wouldn't have set yourself up to face disappointment in the Final Three!” Patrick says: “I'm not expecting disappointment in the Final Three.” General Barracuda says: “I wasn't talking to you!” Marlene says: “The odds are AGAINST Skipper, it's true! But that doesn't mean that he can't POSSIBLY win, does it?!” General Barracuda sighs, and says: “All right. Learn your lesson the HARD way!” Reggie asks: “So, why did you ask us to make one final Airplane Confessional? Don't we NEED the airplane to go to our NEXT destination?” Sniz says: “Not this time, because we are in the HOME stretch! There's only ONE final challenge left, and it's ALL the way, in Hollywood, California! But, there's a catch!” Pearl says: “Somehow, I figured there WOULD be one!” Sniz says: “If you want to participate in the Final Three Challenge, you have to MAKE it to the Final Three Challenge, and you need to make it there BEFORE this episode is over!” Rocko asks: “So, how are we going to make it there without the aid of the airplane?” Sniz says: “Simple, my marsupial friend! Have any of you heard of a historic highway, called Route 66?” Marlene raises her hand, and she excitedly says: “Ooh, I have! Will our getting to Hollywood, California have ANYTHING to do with Route 66?” Sniz says: “Getting to Hollywood, California will have EVERYTHING to do with Route 66! But just to make sure that EVERYONE is on the same page, we will give you the run-down, just like the Rolling Stones!” /

Genre: Rock and roll. Sub-genre: The Rolling Stones. Song: “Route 66”. Sung by: Sniz, General Barracuda, Marlene, Skipper, Patrick, Pearl, Reggie, and Rocko! / Sniz: “Well, if you ever plan to motor west; just take my way, that's the highway, that's the best! Get your kicks on Route 66!” Marlene: “Well, it winds from Chicago to L.A.! More than 2,000 miles all the way! Get your kicks on Route 66!” General Barracuda: “Well, it goes from St. Louis, down to Missouri! Oklahoma city, looks oh so pretty! You'll see Amarillo, and Gallup, New Mexico! Flagstaff, Arizona!” Patrick: “Don't forget Winona!” Reggie: “Kingman, Barstow, San Bernardino!” Sniz: “Would you get hip to this kindly tip? And go take that California trip! Get your kicks on Route 66!” Sniz says: “Sing-along time!” (Green words appear on the screen, and the whole cast sings along) Everyone: “Well it goes from St. Louis, down to Missouri! Oklahoma city, looks oh, so pretty! You'll see Amarillo, and Gallup, New Mexico! Flagstaff, Arizona; don't forget Winona, Kingman, Barstow, San Bernardino!” Rocko: “Would you get hip to this kindly tip? And go take that California trip! Get your kicks on Route 66.” / And the epic song ends! /

Sniz says: “So, to clarify matters, here is what you must ALL do today, if you want to get to the Final Three challenge! You will start here, from the eastern end of Historic Route U.S. 66, at Lake Shore Drive. From here, you must follow the historic corridor as much as you possibly can, making sure to stop at designated stops in order to pick up your colored flags! Reggie and Rocko will be picking up the green flags, Skipper and Marlene will be picking up the blue flags, and Patrick and Pearl will be picking up the purple flags. You will need to present ALL your flags once you get to the designated finish, the Hollywood Bowl, located at 2301 Highland Avenue, north of Hollywood Boulevard, and south of U.S. Route 101! Only IF you arrive with all of your flags, will you be able to qualify to participate in the final challenge! And NO, Patrick, none of you may find out what it is, until AFTER you've completed THIS challenge!” Patrick says: “Wow! It's like he's PSYCHIC or something!” Sniz says: “Now, it's time to find out the cities you must stop at, in order to collect your flags. Now, with the addition of myself and Fondue, along with the 55 contestants you've beaten, that makes for a total of 57 flags altogether, which we have decided to divide evenly among all three of you! That way, you ALL get to do the same amount of work! That means, every single one of you, will have to collect 19 flags in total! Now, onto where your flags are located within the historic corridor of Historic Route U.S. 66!”

Wanda poofs up a map of the United States, for Sniz to point to! Sniz says: “The cities you must stop in, are in Springfield, Illinois; St. Louis, Missouri; Rolla, Missouri; Joplin, Missouri; Galena, Kansas; Miami, Oklahoma; Catoosa, Oklahoma; Oklahoma City, Oklahoma; Amarillo, Texas; Adrian, Texas; Glen Rio, Texas; Tucumcari, New Mexico; Albuquerque, New Mexico; Gallup, New Mexico; Holbrook, Arizona; Winslow, Arizona; Flagstaff, Arizona; Barstow, California, and San Bernadino, California. Once you have all the flags, you will all race to get on-stage at the Hollywood Bowl! If all goes well, maybe ALL of you, will get to participate in the Final Challenge!” Skipper says: “Um, you still haven't told us just HOW we're supposed to GET to all these cities, OR Hollywood, California!” Sniz says: “That's because today, you are going to IMPROVISE! It's a FREE for all, in getting to the Final Three challenge! Use any method you can think of to get to the Final Three challenge! Cars, trains, hot-air balloons, anything goes, as long as it's legal! THAT means YOU, Skipper!” And Skipper just growls angrily! Sniz says: “And don't forget to stop at the cities I mentioned to pick up those flags! You will need those flags, to verify that you did INDEED, stop at the cities you needed to visit, as well as gain entrance into the Final Three Challenge! This challenge is for ANYONE to win or lose! Hopefully, nobody loses it today! Fondue and I will go on ahead, and see you at the Hollywood Bowl! General Barracuda will record and track your progress from the ground, and if you need to record a Confessional, just signal the General, and he will use the Confessional Camera, to record your private, intimate moments! Don't forget what you're playing for! The contestant that wins first place, can get up to $44.44 million in cold, hard cash! Let's make this challenge exciting people! We'll see all of you later, hopefully! Good luck!” And Sniz and Fondue board the Emerald, Green, “Total Cartoon Global Cruise” plane, and it jets off in the direction in Hollywood, California, until it vanishes out of sight! Pearl asks: “So, NOW what do we do?!” General Barracuda says: “You're going to DO, what Sniz WANTS you to do! He wants you to IMPROVISE! Wouldn't be as challenging, otherwise! Just think, how are YOU, going to get to the Final Three Challenge?!” Rocko looks at Reggie, and he says: “I've got that red car that Po has! He gave it to me as a loaner, and I can drive us to our destinations!” Reggie says: “I'll take it!” And they run into the hotel parking lot to get into Rocko's borrowed car! Marlene looks at Skipper, and she says: “Despite what anyone thinks, it's not over until it's over! Think of a way to get the two of us to Hollywood, California!” Skipper says: “I've swiped a bunch of hot-air tanks from the plane before it took off! We can make a make-shift hot-air balloon, and get to Hollywood, California!” Marlene says: “I can't argue with that! I wouldn't know how to!”

And Skipper and Marlene rush off to get their necessary supplies! Pearl says: “Patrick! The other contestants are getting AHEAD of us! Think of SOMETHING!!!!” Patrick says: “Pearl! You KNOW that I'm not EXACTLY the best contestant when it comes to THINKING!” Pearl says: “There's no better time to START than now! There are only TWO whole other contestants still LEFT in the game! It CAN'T just be ENTIRELY dumb luck that you got to the Final Three!” Than Patrick ACTUALLY thinks of something, and he asks: “Pearl; do you HAVE your cell phone on you, and does it HAVE internet access on it?!” Pearl says: “Yes, and yes. Why do you ask?!” Patrick says: “One important reason! Can you access the train schedule, that will take us on a transit route THROUGH the cities we need to go through, that will get us to Hollywood, California?!” Pearl says: “Just a minute and...YES!!!!” Patrick says: “Good! Book us on the quickest, preferably CHEAPEST route you can find, that departs IMMEDIATELY! There's not a moment to lose!” Pearl says: “I've found one that leaves in fifteen minutes; but there's one catch; it's only going to have a fifteen minute lay-over in EACH of the cities that we need to stop in! That means, to be on the SAFE side, we're only going to have fourteen minutes to FIND our flag, and get back on the train! There's no telling how long we'll have to wait or how much we'll need to pay, to get on another train!” Patrick says: “It's a desperate plan, but by working together, I KNOW we can do it! To the train station!”

And Patrick and Pearl rush off for the nearest train station and the next departing train to their destinations, and General Barracuda chuckles, and he says: “Well, folks! Looks like we officially have a three-way race underway! Rocko and Reggie are the FIRST to take the lead, heading off in their red car to Springfield, Missouri! Skipper and Marlene are close behind, flying in a make-shift hot-air balloon, while Patrick and Pearl are forced to spend precious minutes getting their boarding passes, and getting all their stuff onto the train! HEY! I have to actually FOLLOW them! WANDA!!!!” Wanda says: “No need to yell, I'm STILL right here! What do you need?!” General Barracuda says: “The fastest motorcycle you can poof up, with unlimited gas, and make if FAST!!!!” Wanda mockingly says: “So it's OLD Wanda, to the RESCUE again!” General Barracuda says: “Wanda, hurry UP!!!!” Wanda mockingly says: “So it's 'Hurry up, Wanda?! I wish for THIS, Wanda, I wish for THAT, Wanda', and what thanks do I GET, for my services, might I ask you?!” General Barracuda says: “I make my honor as a General on you! Help me with this wish, and I will PERSONALLY treat you to an all-expenses paid trip, to your most FAVORITE place on Earth; Chocolate City, Utah!” Wanda ecstatically says: “Chocolate City, Utah! All right, you got yourself a deal!” And Wanda waves her wand, and poofs up a COOL-looking, green motorcycle, and helmet for General Barracuda to wear! General Barracuda says: “Most appreciated! I'll see you at the finish line!” And he races AFTER the racing contestants! In the plane, which is already ABOVE Tulsa, Oklahoma, Sniz says: “The contestants are on their way, with General Barracuda in hot pursuit! Who will win, who will lose? Who will make themselves potentially look like complete fools and jerks?! Those questions, and others, may be answered, when we come back, on Total Cartoon Global Cruise!” (Commercial Break) The contestants and their partners, all using their different methods of transportation, are making their way to Springfield, Illinois. Rocko says: “This is probably one of the best ways to get to the Final Three challenge, Reggie! I do all the driving, and all you need to do is just relax, and save your energy for catching the flags!” Reggie says: “Believe me, I really appreciate you doing this for me! It makes me feel really confidant about my own abilities!” Rocko says: “Where do you think our flags will be located within these cities that we have to visit?” Reggie says: “Probably somewhere significant within each city that we visit. Should be a prominent spot that's relatively well-known within each city. That's USUALLY how Sniz has operated SO far this season! Just make sure to keep an eye on the gas, and I'll take care of the rest! I've got my eyes on the prize!”

(Camera Confessional) As Rocko is driving, General Barracuda's camera is focused on Reggie! Reggie says: “At this point, I can't afford to think about the possibility of winning now! That way of thinking, is what ALWAYS gets Otto into trouble! I can only afford to think about one flag at a time, and I'll work my way up from there!” General Barracuda says: “Sounds like you've got your game-plan all figured out!” Reggie says: “Well, it's better to have one and not need it, than to need it and not have it!” General Barracuda says: “Truer words have never been spoken!” (End Confessional) In the hot-air balloon, Marlene and Skipper are looking out for any tell-tale signs of where they are! Skipper says: “I thought the FREEWAYS were supposed to be blue, like they look on the map! All I see is a bunch of GRAY! Lots and LOTS of gray!” Marlene says: “Blue, is just the color they use to indicate that it IS a freeway! Don't CONCENTRATE on the symbolic colors of the map! Try focusing on the very REAL, physical colors of Rocko's car! It's red, so use that!” Skipper says: “I spot it, right down below us!” Marlene says: “Our plan to get you to the Final Challenge COULDN'T be simpler! We let Rocko and Reggie guide us to our destinations, keeping them in our sights, and once we have the final flag, we'll zoom on ahead of them, and get to the Final Flag first! We'll have the $44.44 million in no time!” Skipper says: “Except that we STILL don't have any idea, of what the Final challenge is going to be all about! Besides, we technically STILL haven't done our mandatory song yet, so we'll have to do that first, before we do anything!”

(Beep! Beep! Ba-Beep! Beep! Beep!) In the train, Pearl says: “It figures. No sooner do we get all boarded and relaxed, does the show tune start!” Patrick says: “I think it's fun! I mean, it's one of the FEW things this season that I've actually been ABLE to do with consistency! At least it's something I'm good at!” Over the communicators, Sniz says: “That's very true! And for this song, I want you to sing all about how life is a highway! To be specific, the Tom Cochrane version!” Rocko says: “Reggie, it's time for us to rock this song!” Reggie says: “I'm with you there! Let's make it happen!” /

Genre: Rock and roll. Sub-genre: Heartland rock. Song: “Life Is a Highway”. Sung by: Rocko, Reggie, Skipper, Marlene, Patrick, Pearl, and General Barracuda! / Rocko: “Life's like a road that you travel on, when there's one day here, and the next day, gone. Sometimes you bend, sometimes you stand. Sometimes you turn your back to the wind.” Reggie: “There's a world outside every darkened door, where blues won't haunt you anymore. Where the brave are free and lovers soar, come ride with me to the distant shore.” Skipper: “We won't hesitate, to break down the garden gate. There's not much time left today.” Marlene: “Life is a highway! I want to ride it all night long! If you're going my way, I want to drive it all night long!” Patrick: “Through all these cities and all these towns, it's in my blood and it's all around! I love you now, like I loved you then! This is the road and these are the hands!” Pearl: “From San Francisco, to those Paris nights!” Rocko: “The Snake River, to El Paso's lights! Knock me down, get back up again! You're in my blood I'm not a lonely man!” General Barracuda: “There's no load I can't hold! The road's so rough, and this I know! I'll be there when the light comes in, just tell them we're survivors!” Everyone: “Life is a highway! I want to ride it all night long! If you're going my way, I want to drive it all night long! Life is a highway! I want to ride it all night long! If you're going my way, I want to drive it all night long!” Skipper: “There was a distance between you and I.” Marlene: “A misunderstanding once, but now, we look it in the eye! Oh!” (Harmonica and guitar solo) Patrick: “There's no load I can't hold! The road's so rough, and this I know! I'll be there when the light comes in, just tell them we're survivors!” Rocko: “Life is a highway! I want to ride it all night long!” Marlene: “Hey!” Reggie: “If you're going my way, I want to drive it all night long!” Pearl: “Life is a highway! I want to ride it all night long!” Patrick: “If you're going my way, I want to drive it all night long!” Skipper: “Life is a highway! I want to ride it all night long! If you're going my way, I want to drive it all night long!” (Harmonica and guitar solo until the epic song ends when all the contestants reach Springfield, Illinois!) / Rocko and Reggie pull over to the side of the highway, and stop their car! Rocko says: “Okay! Let's think logically! Besides Route 66, what is the most IMPORTANT thing about Springfield, Illinois?” Reggie says: “That it's clearly NOT the Springfield of a certain animated show that's been around LONGER than even The Rugrats have?” Rocko says: “Well, yes, but there's something else it's known for! What is it's biggest feature?!”

Reggie says: “It's the birthplace of Abraham Lincoln!” Rocko says: “And isn't his tomb located HERE in the city?! The question is, which cemetery is it located at?!” Reggie says: “Oak Ridge! Don't forget, I got Straight A's in geography, and I remember, having picked him as the hypothetical president that I would most want to be like in case I ever became President, during my 4th Grade President's Day Holiday assignment! I had to learn ALL about him, and NOT on the Internet, to ensure my teacher that I didn't cut any corners!” Rocko says: “Well, for once, it looks like your school studies are going to come in handy!” (Camera Confessional) Reggie says: “Unlike my brother Otto, I take the time to memorize all the different things I study about! You never KNOW when they might come in handy again later!” Rocko says: “Case in point, the situation we're facing right now!” (End Confessional) Patrick and Pearl get off their train, and Patrick says: “Okay, no pressure! Strike that, make that a maximum 14 minute amount of pressure to be on the safe side, for us to get back on the train! We got to figure out where we need to go, and we better figure it out fast!” Pearl says: “I don't think I've EVER seen you this pressured!”

Patrick says: “Well, I've never had a REASON to get this pressured before! There's up to $44.44 million in stake! That's a lot of PENNIES you know!” Pearl asks: Why do you say THAT?! Do you want a PENNY for your thoughts!” Patrick says: “Well, there's someone FAMOUS on the penny! And I think he was born and buried here, if my BRAIN coral is cooperating with me!” Pearl says: “You're right about THAT! He had to fight a WHOLE Civil War!” Patrick says: “He's also on the $5 dollar bill!” Than Patrick gets his epiphany, and he says: “LINCOLN! That's the guy's name! I remember, because Lincoln Loud once told me that his first name, is the same as that President's LAST name!” Pearl says: “THAT'S how you remember a former U.S. President?!” Patrick says: “Well, it WORKED, didn't IT?!” (Camera Confessional) Patrick says: “Trying to get my Brain Corral, to divulge important information to everyone else, somehow doesn't seem as easy as it USED to be!” Pearl asks: “You don't think the BRAIN Coral is expiring, do you?!” Patrick says: “I hope not! All of our hopes and dreams for getting a win this season, all RELY on my Brain Coral to be fully functional! But if my Brain Coral is reaching the end of it's NATURAL life-span, it will be no more useful to me than my ORIGINAL brain, which wasn't very USEFUL, if you remember all the trouble I've put Squidward through over the years!” Pearl says: “Well, I STILL wouldn't worry about it TOO much! Even if your Brain Coral IS expiring, I still have enough brains for the BOTH of us!” Patrick says: “Maybe, but do you have enough skills and SAFETY insurance for the both of us?!” (End Confessional) Rocko and Reggie race towards the tall obelisk, that marks the location of Lincoln's Tomb! Reggie says: “Our first flag has got to be in there somewhere!” Rocko says: “And there's no other contestant in sight!” Skipper shouts: “And what do you call ME?! Chopped liver?!” Marlene says: “Actually, you smell more like salmon and sardines, which is just the way I LIKE my man to smell!” Reggie says: “You FOLLOWED us!” Skipper asks: “What was your FIRST clue?! Don't answer that, it's a rhetorical question!” Rocko says: “Thank you Captain Obvious!” Marlene says: “Sorry, but it's FAIR play! We need to do this thing, just as much as YOU do!” Reggie asks: “So why not follow your OWN path?!” Skipper and Marlene anchor and tie their hot-air balloon to the ground, and get off. Skipper says: “If heaven WANTED me to follow my own path, it didn't leave me any CLEAR directions to do so! Now if you will excuse us, we have a challenge to complete!”

(Camera Confessional) Skipper says: “Some may say it is a RATHER underhanded tactic to use, letting some OTHER poor schmucks do our hard work FOR us!” Marlene groans, and she says: “PLEASE don't talk like that! You are tempting FATE again! You do this EVERY single time we gain a SLIGHT lead!” Skipper shouts: “COME ON!!!! Do you HONESTLY BELIEVE, that Patrick could have ANY chance of BEATING US?!” And in the distance, a bus pulls over, and out pops Patrick and Pearl! Patrick shouts: “Whoo-hoo! The tour bus took us right here!” Pearl shouts: “And we STILL have ten minutes to spare!” Marlene says: “Well...” Skipper says: “Don't say it!” Marlene continues: “I don't want to be the first one to tell you this, BUT...!” Skipper SHOUTS: “DON'T SAY IT!!!!” Marlene sings: “YOU ARE AN IDIOT!!!! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!” Skipper fumes, and he says: “That's somehow WORSE than what I THOUGHT you were going to say!” Marlene says: “I'm just telling you the way it is! Every time you tempt fate, irony almost IMMEDIATELY proves you wrong! It's like, the whole THEME of your time as a contestant on this show! And the fact that you STILL haven't learned this lesson, THIS late in the game, simply astounds me! Honestly, talking to you, is like TALKING to an eggplant! I almost WISH that I NEVER tried to save YOUR game, by standing up to Bulma Briefs!” Skipper seriously says: “YOU SO DON'T MEAN THAT!!!!” Marlene seriously says: “Don't tempt me! Even in SPITE of breaking up with Captain Retro, I STILL had a pretty decent shot of actually WINNING this season, and do you want to know WHY I gave that up?!” Skipper says: “Well, it's not EXACTLY like Bulma and Zarbon made that choice EASY for you!” Marlene says: “It didn't have to be THAT way at all! Captain Retro TOLD me, that either ME, or YOU, would be going home, no matter what EITHER of us did; and I went out of my way, to ensure that it wouldn't be you!”

Skipper says: “How would YOU know that?! He could have just SAID that, to put that idea into your head!” Marlene says: “I KNEW Captain Retro, for like almost 2/3rds of the ENTIRE game! And he never ONCE told me ANYTHING, that made it seem like he was saying something, just for the sake of trying to get himself further in the game! And he told me that, even in SPITE of the fact that I had broken UP with him! He didn't tell me that for himself! He told me that for ME!!!! And EVEN for you, despite not having any REASON to! I'm sure he was hoping that I would save myself, but I CHOSE to save YOU, because I believed that you were WORTH saving for a change! Everything I ever did for Captain Retro, wasn't because I believed in him and me; I believed in me and you! Only YOU; ever MEANT enough for me to sacrifice my own game for! Only YOU, ever meant enough for me, to feign a relationship for nearly THIRTY-FOUR whole EPISODES, with a guy I didn't even LIKE, because I KNEW that would get me closer to WINNING! He was even WILLING to help me out ONE last time, even AFTER I broke UP with him, because quite frankly, I think he rather PITIED the fact that I had played him along, just to help YOU; of ALL PENGUINS! Did you EVER stop to THINK that MAYBE this whole PROBLEM, of YOU always constantly being so WRONG all the time, all your LACK of ever being to win CHALLENGES at any given time, ISN'T the fault of anybody ELSE?!” Skipper asks: “Well, if it isn't the fault of anybody else, whose fault IS it, then?!” Marlene says: “It's YOU!!!! It's ALWAYS been you! The only reason any of this has HAPPENED to the both of us, or the reason that you eliminated yourself TWICE, was because of YOU!!!! Sure, you ALWAYS claimed that someone ELSE gave you the idea, or convinced you that I was in DANGER of LEAVING you, and the only reason THAT seemed to HAPPEN to you, was because you MADE it happen, with your paranoid delusions of self-grandeur, that you convinced yourself that nothing COULD possibly trip up YOUR scheme to try to win $44.44 million, when deep down, you KNEW as well as I did that such a thing could NEVER happen to YOU!!!!” Skipper asks: “And just WHY, pray-tell, is THAT?!”

Off in the distance, Reggie and Rocko run back to their car, and they say: “We got our flag! See you later!” And they drive off! Marlene says: “Need I EXPLAIN the fail?! If you REALLY wanted the chance to win, you wouldn't have tried to FORCE it to happen! That's why it's not HAPPENING! Because by trying to FORCE something that all the OTHER contestants didn't want to have happen, even Sniz HIMSELF didn't want it to happen, and he only let it happen, because King Julien PAID him $30 million of his own MONEY!” Skipper says: “Which we're going to pay BACK once we WIN!!!!” Marlene says: “Even if we DID win, that would STILL leave us with only $14.44 MILLION of the initial MONEY!! That's not even DOUBLE what I could have won LAST season! Now, I will be the FIRST to admit that the game I played was flawed; but that was MOSTLY out of sheer naivety on MY part! But YOU?! You're SHEER ignorance! You keep plotting away on your own course, IGNORING the signs all around you! And when you get eliminated, you actually WONDER how it is that such an OBVIOUS elimination could have HAPPENED to you! It happened to you TWICE, and it would have happened a THIRD time, if I hadn't stepped in to take, which in retrospect, was a huge CANNONBALL!!!! I let myself get publicly HUMILIATED, on international TV, just to spare YOU!!!! And now here you are, standing around, not letting this CRUCIAL information sink in, and I'm SURE that if Patrick and Pearl were to run out RIGHT now, you would have the audacity to say it was MY fault!!!!” Skipper says: “Wouldn't it be, though?!” Marlene says: “Well, if you had the capacity to LISTEN to ANYBODY with common sense from the BEGINNING, this wouldn't be happening right now! The way I see it, there are REALLY only two viable solutions for you! Either you STOP tempting fate, and just LET this competition unfold the way it's SUPPOSED to, or you deliberately continue to sabotage us, with another one of your pedantically USELESS suggestions!” Patrick and Pearl rush out, and they say: “We found our flag! We can still make the train!” And their bus takes off! Skipper sighs, and says: “FINE! You win! I won't try to force this thing anymore! I messed up ROYALLY! I did a lousy thing!”

Marlene says: “A lousy thing?!” Skipper admits: “All right! I did a LOT of LOUSY things! I LEFT Team Retro because I couldn't stand to see YOU with Captain Retro! I hooked up with King Julien in order to make you JEALOUS!!!! I got ELIMINATED the first time, because I let my stupid vanity and pride, admit that my relationship with King Julien wasn't REAL!!!! I got OBSESSED with trying to beat you after King Julien got eliminated! And when I couldn't, I hooked up with Blonda in an attempt to make you jealous a SECOND time! I listened to Taotie when I shouldn't have, and suggested that Spongebob should be ELIMINATED, which got ME eliminated after Blonda won herself immunity, and left ME holding the bag! I LET Zarbon convince me that the photograph of you and Sniz sleeping together was genuine, even when I should have known full well that it WASN'T! And I let myself be BLIND to Bulma PRETENDING to be your friend could have POSSIBLY been a good idea for EITHER of us, and should have KNOWN that Bulma would try to torpedo one of us, the minute our relationship became a genuine THREAT to her! I ADMITTED everything I could remember! I did a LOT of lousy THINGS trying to win this season! But, I only did it out of LOVE! Isn't THAT what counts?!” Marlene says: “Well, admitting what you did wrong is a start! But all those things you said? That's NOT how you show someone else you LOVE them! That just shows how you're obsessed about something! True love comes from within you! You want to prove that you truly love me? Than you have to promise me something RIGHT now! Even if you DON'T win, you're not going to CRY, you're not going to WHINE, and you're NOT going to complain about how it should have been you! I mean, even Captain Retro sang himself, that you can't always get what you want! And that song, certainly isn't exclusive to referring to ONLY himself; it can refer to ANYONE! The question is, are you going to be mature enough to handle the out-come, when the time comes?” Skipper sighs, and says: “I'll try!” Marlene seriously says: “You don't TRY!!!! 'Trying', indicates that you're not going to take something SERIOUSLY!!!! Either you DO, or you do NOT! There IS no 'Try'!” Skipper says: “All right! I promise, I WILL be mature about the outcome! No matter what it is!” Marlene says: “Than let's stop wasting time talking, and get that flag! No matter how we finish, we're going to finish on OUR terms! And even if it ends up that SOME people might not LIKE the outcome, that's THEIR problem! Not ours! After all, we can't hope to please anyone, if we don't try to be true to ourselves first!” Skipper says: “You're right, Marlene! As long as we're not hurting anybody else, we should have ALWAYS been true to ourselves! I'm sorry it took ME so long to realize this lesson!” Marlene says: “The important thing is, you're realizing this NOW, when you need to learn this lesson the most!” (End Confessional)

In the “Total Cartoon Global Cruise” airplane, it is already flying over Santa Fe, New Mexico. Sniz says: “Here we are to give you an update on your favorite contestants locations! Rocko and Reggie are currently in the lead, heading to St. Louis, Missouri! Patrick and Pearl are following behind in their train, with Marlene and Skipper still INEXPLICABLY at the Lincoln Tomb...no, wait! There appears to be movement there! It seems that...YES!!!! They've got their first flag, and are taking off in their balloon! And it looks like they might be able to catch up to Patrick and Pearl, cause their train is slowing down to a halt! It seems like Otis and Pig from Back at the Barnyard have stopped the train!” / The camera switches to the train tracks, and Pig asks: “Remind me, why are we doing this again?!” Otis says: “The game is called, 'Chicken'. And if YOU panic and move out of the way of the train first, you LOSE, and you are the 'Chicken'!” Pig says: “This is a STUPID idea for a game!” Otis says: “Says the pig who PREFERS to be a CHICKEN!!!!” Pig says: “I'm no CHICKEN! Peck is the chicken! Technically, a rooster, but you KNOW what I mean!” Pearl asks: “Conductor, is this going to AFFECT our train schedule?!” Gordon Quid turns around, and he says: “I'm afraid it is, lassie!” Patrick asks: “Gordon Quid?! What are YOU doing, running the train?!” Gordon says: “This is my last chance this season to get a decent cameo in, and I didn't want to waste it!” Pearl says: “I don't blame you for THAT!”

Gordon says: “But the bottom line is, the longer they stay there, the shorter amount this train will HAVE at the station!” Patrick says: “This is NOT an efficient use of our TIME! We already know that Rocko and Reggie are ahead of us; and even if Skipper and Marlene HAVE gotten into another one of their bickering quarrels like they have in the past, they probably have already made up by now, and will soon catch up with us!” Pearl asks: “But what can WE do?!” Patrick thinks about it, and looking at Pig and Otis, he SEES an answer! Patrick says: “Desperate times, call for DESPERATE measures! We're traveling on steer, AND pig back!” Pearl says: “Sorry, Gordon! We're getting off the train!” Gordon says: “Be sure to give this train service a positive review on Yelp!; if you still use it!” Patrick says: “We will!” And they get off the train, and Pearl says: “Sorry, Otis and Pig, but this is an emergency!” Otis says: “What's the emergency?!” Patrick says: “The two of us; well, technically, ME partnering up with her, are competing against Reggie and Rocko, and Skipper and Marlene! I've been through FAR too many hopeless situations, and too many times, I relied on dumb luck to see me through the situation! But that's NOT going to cut it here! So instead, I propose a NEW, BETTER game for the two of you!” Pig asks: “Oh, and what game would that be; RUNNING?!” Pearl says: “This isn't just, 'Running'. This is something that needs ENDURANCE! Something that needs STAMINA! Like, 'LONG Distance Running! CROSS Country Running'!” Otis says: “We could do that! It sounds like it could be fun!” Patrick says: “Good! Because YOU'RE going to be our RIDES! We've got a LONG way to go, and you're GOING to take us there, and you're NOT going to give us any TROUBLE about IT! RIGHT?!!!” Pig says: “NO!!!! That's not going to be a problem!” Pearl says: “Good!” And Pearl gets on the back of Otis, and Patrick gets on the back of Pig! And Pearl says: “Now, get!” And Otis and Pig start running forward on the train tracks, and Pearl says: “I guess it was a false alarm! I guess your brain coral is working perfectly fine!” Patrick says: “I just hope my brain coral continues to hold out!” Otis says: “I hope my STRENGTH holds out!” Pig says: “I hope our LEGS hold out!”

(Camera Confessional) Patrick and Pearl are riding on Otis and Pig! Patrick says: “Do I feel bad about riding on these two? Kind of! But you got to understand; this is PRACTICALLY a once in a lifetime opportunity! And you know what they say about opportunity! The postman always rings twice! WHOOPS!!!! Freudian slip! Said, 'Postman' and 'Rings twice', meant to say 'Opportunity' and 'Only knocks once'!” Pearl says: “All right, I guess maybe I SHOULD worry about the Brain Coral after all!” (End Confessional) Reggie and Rocko pull up to St. Louis, Missouri! Reggie says: “At least the location for our next flag will be OBVIOUS this time! It's got to be in the Gateway Arch!” Rocko says: “But where?! That's the $44.44 million question!” Reggie says: “Somewhere! I'll start from the right side, and work my way to the left! You go and get some gas while I'm working, and meet me back at the left side as soon as you can!” Rocko says: “Good plan, Reggie! I always KNEW you had a beautiful mind, inside your beautiful head on your beautiful body!” Reggie says: “Well, exercising daily always helps!” (Camera Confessional) General Barracuda is panting, and he says: “I made it! There's too much distance to travel between all you three duo teams! You have GOT to slow down the frequency of your confessionals!” Rocko says: “Well, WE will be sure to keep THAT in mind! Can't make any promises for the OTHER two duo teams!” Reggie says: “In any case, a beautiful, athletic body can get you MANY places! But only a GREAT mind can open the doors to endless possibilities! Exercising my mind is just as important as exercising my body! It's one of the secrets to my great track record of success!” (End Confessional) Reggie rushes into the right side of the Gateway Arch, and Rocko drives off to get gas, but BOTH miss seeing Patrick and Pearl ride in on Pig and Otis! Otis sarcastically asks: “Could you be a little MORE degrading to us?! This is HUMILIATING!!!!” Patrick says: “Too bad! We were thinking of treating you to some Goofy Goober Ice Cream once this whole ordeal is over!” Pig says: “On second thought, feel free to degrade us all you want! It wouldn't be the FIRST time this has happened to us!”

Pearl asks: “Where do we go now?!” Patrick rhetorically answers: “Maybe, the giant, CONSPICUOUS Arch that's FILLING the landscape in front of us?! Kind of BIG, kind of 'Archy', can't MISS it! Well, I guess, technically we COULD have missed it, but then we'd be out of the running for $44.44 million! Even I'M not that dense!!!! Well, usually, I'm not ASKED to be!” Pearl says: “I'm sorry I asked! I'd just feel more comfortable if we could get this challenge accomplished as soon as possible!” Patrick says: “Trust me! I'm with you there!” (Camera Confessional) Patrick says: “Don't get me wrong! We've been in challenges where we've been under SOME kind of time pressure before! But it really MEANS something, when it means the difference as to whether or not you will be able to compete for $44.44 million! All of the sudden, you can't just play with just a few of your best cards and hope that it will be enough! You better be prepared to go all in, or there is no WAY you will be able to play with the BIG boys!” Pearl says: “And believe me, it DOESN'T get any BIGGER than this!” (End Confessional) Patrick says: “I'll go into the left side of the arch, and work my way to the right! You get Otis and Pig some food supplies, so they'll keep willing to keep carrying us!” Pearl says: “Well, I guess I better do it fast, because Skipper and Marlene are off in the distance!” Patrick says: “I need my glasses!” And once again, he comically looks through two DRINK glasses, and sees their balloon off in the distance! Patrick removes them, and he says: “YEP! It's them all right! Time is DEFINITELY of the essence!” Pearl says: “You heard the man! The sooner you take me to the store, the sooner you BOTH get to eat!” Otis says: “I can't argue with THAT!” Pig says: “I wouldn't know HOW to!” And Patrick dashes into the left side of the arch, while Pearl rides off to the nearest store! In the meantime, Skipper and Marlene are closing into the Gateway Arch! Marlene says: “The others have only gotten to the Arch and haven't left yet! With no forcing ANYTHING! See what happens when you LISTEN to your BETTER half?!” Skipper says: “The term, 'Better', is CLEARLY subjective depending on YOUR definition of it; but seeing as how ARGUING against what YOU have said has only PROVED to be counter-productive to me, during the whole ENDEAVOR of this season, I'm going to let it slide!” Marlene says: “Thank you, precious!” Skipper says: “And do me one more favor!” Marlene asks: “What's that?” Skipper says: “Remind me to NEVER enter this INSANE, and INANE cartoon, competition show AGAIN after this season is over! I don't want to disappoint any of my fans ever AGAIN, after all the stupid stunts I pulled!” Marlene says: “No promises!” /

In the arch, Reggie is approaching HER green flag in the exact MIDDLE, top center of the arch from the right, going to the left! And Patrick's flag is close to the EXACT same place, as he's approaching from the left, going to the right! And Skipper, uses one of HIS drills, to drill a HOLE into the center, and all THREE contestants manage to PLUCK their flags at the exact same time! Patrick says: “Well, if this isn't evidence that synchronicity exists, I don't know WHAT is!” Skipper says: “Technically, we already KNEW that synchronicity exists! Reggie says: “And it's NOT just a popular album released in 1983 by The Police!” Skipper says: “You just LOVE spouting off FACTS that Captain Retro told you, don't you?!” Reggie says: “It's a gift!” / The “Total Cartoon Global Cruise” plane is flying over the Grand Canyon, in Arizona! Sniz is in the cock-pit, and he says: “The action is heating up, and is HOTTER than ever!” Fondue says: “Let's run through the high-lights of all their stops SO far!” / Genre: New Wave. Sub-genre: The Police (the musical group). Song: “Synchronicity I” Sung by: Sting and The Police! /

During the song, a montage of all three duo teams, visiting the Stonehenge Replica at the Missouri University in Rolla, Missouri; the Carnegie Public Library in Joplin, Missouri; the Galena Water Tower in Galena, Kansas; the Coleman Theater in Miami, Oklahoma; the Blue Whale Waterfront Structure of Catoosa, Oklahoma; the SkyDance Pedestrian Bridge in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma; the Santa Fe Building in Amarillo, Texas; the Lions Antique Museum in Adrian, Texas; the Glen Rio Welcome Center in Glen Rio, Texas; the Blue Swallow Motel in Tucumcari, New Mexico; the Kimo Theater in Albuquerque, New Mexico; the historic El Rancho Hotel & Motel of Gallup, New Mexico; the Wigwam Hotel in Holbrook, Arizona; Standing on the Corner Park in Winslow, Arizona; the Orpheum Theater in Flagstaff, Arizona; and the historic House of the Desert in Barstow, California; are seen. They all usually arrive at all these locations, more or less at the same time, each collecting their flags close to each other! /

Sting sings: “With one breath, with one flow; you will know, Synchronicity! A sleep trance, a dream dance, a shared romance, Synchronicity! A connecting principle, linked to the invisible! Almost imperceptible, something inexpressible. Science insusceptible, logic so inflexible! Causally connectable, nothing is invincible! If we share this nightmare, then we can dream Spiritus mundi. If you act, as you think, the missing link, Synchronicity! A connecting principle, linked to the invisible! Almost imperceptible, something inexpressible. Science insusceptible, logic so inflexible! Causally connectable, nothing is invincible! We know you, they know me! Extrasensory, Synchronicity! A star fall, a phone call, it joins all, Synchronicity! A connecting principle, linked to the invisible! Almost imperceptible, something inexpressible. Science insusceptible, logic so inflexible! Causally connectable, nothing is invincible! It's so deep, it's so wide! Your inside, Synchronicity! Effect without a cause, sub-atomic laws, scientific pause, Synchronicity!” / After the epic song ends, the camera switches back to Sniz and Fondue, who are now waiting with all of the relevant former contestants at the Hollywood Bowl, waiting for the arrival of one of the duo teams! Sniz says: “Well, it's taken the better part of THREE days, but at long last, our three duo teams are in the NEAR final stretch! All three duo teams have gotten 18 of their flags, and they just need to collect ONE more in San Bernadino, California! Let's check back with them, as they each make another Camera Confessional!” (Camera Confessional) Reggie says: “Out of all the places I've visited so far within this particular trip challenge, I'd say the most interesting were the Stonehenge replica, and that Blue Whale structure!” / Patrick says: “The most interesting places I saw, included that Galena Water Tower, and the Blue Swallow Motel!” / Skipper says: “The most interesting places that Marlene and I visited, were the Carnegie Public Library, the Coleman Theater, the Kimo Theater, and the Orpheum Theater!” (End Confessional) Fondue says: “I will say this for the three contestants, they've managed to keep even US guessing, and WE'RE the hosts!” Sniz says: “So don't bother asking US to help fill out YOUR private lottery game guesses! As far as we're concerned, the answer is STILL up in the air!” Fondue says: “Now, time to get back to the MAIN attraction! And check our contestants progress!” /

The camera switches back to the three team duos, who are looking southwest, down the isolated stretch of historic Route 66. And they all know that only one more flag separates them, from being able to participate in the Final Three challenge! Reggie sighs, and says: “Well, this is IT!” Rocko says: “Only one more location to visit, before our race to the Hollywood Bowl!” Skipper says: “The culmination of 51 episodes of waiting and working have led to this moment!” Marlene says: “Throughout all our mistakes, all the misunderstandings, and all our errors, we persevered just to get this far!” Patrick says: “All we have to get is ONE more flag!” Pearl says: “Than after that, it's anyone's game to win or lose!” And they all simultaneously say: “To the game!” Reggie jumps back in the red car, and says: “Let's go!” Rocko begins to start the car, but it sputters out and STOPS cold!!!! Reggie says: “NO!!!! NO! No, no, no, no, no, no, NO!!!! Not here, not NOW!!!! We were SO close!!!!” Marlene says: “Too bad, so sad! More money for us!” (Camera Confessional) Marlene says: “Just when I think I've figured luck out, it manages to surprise even me! It seems that fortune is FINALLY smiling on us; just when we need it MOST!” Skipper says: “And to think, it ONLY took 51 episodes for Irony to FINALLY work in OUR favor!” (End Confessional) Skipper and Marlene get in their hot air balloon, and Marlene says: “See you at the finish line! If you can even GET there!” Patrick and Pearl turn to Reggie and Rocko, and Patrick says: “Sorry about the car breaking, but, THOSE are the BRAKES!!!! Get it?!”

Reggie says: “Unfortunately, yes! And I wish we didn't!” Pearl says: “Meanwhile, we've got a challenge to WIN!!!!” Otis and Pig begin to notice that their LEGS are wobbling, and Otis says: “Guy, girl! I DON'T think we can CARRY you MUCH...!” (KLUMPF!!!!) And they collapse, and Otis finishes: “LONGER!!!!” Rocko says: “So, what were YOU saying about THOSE being the BREAKS?! Or did you mean the OTHER type of brakes?” Patrick says: “I meant the first one, but I think the STUPID sub-titles said the OTHER one ON PURPOSE!” Pearl says: “Is this show getting META again?! I thought we DROPPED that after the San Francisco episode!” Reggie says: “I guess this show really IS finishing the way it WANTS to! But that doesn't mean that WE'RE finished! We've come TOO far to just quit now!” Patrick says: “But how are you going to get to the Final Flag AND the Hollywood Bowl WITHOUT a working car motor?!” Rocko asks: “Who needs a car motor?! I've been saving something for just such an emergency!” And Rocko goes to the back of the car trunk, and he sighs, and says: “I hoped I would NEVER have to utilize THIS device again, but desperate times, call for DESPERATE measures!” And Rocko opens the trunk, and pulls out, The “Suck-o-matic 3000!!!!” Patrick says: “WOAH!! You're NOT going to utilize THAT dangerous piece of machinery again! That vacuum cleaner has been RECALLED!!!! You can't even BUY that machine anymore, unless you live in TEXAS!!!!” Rocko says: “Relax! Jimmy Neutron and Keswick modified this little baby THEMSELVES!!!! Now, instead of cleaning up everything in sight, it has been FIXED, so that it can only blow OUT air, instead of taking it IN! And we'll use WIND power, to propel our WAY into victory!” And Rocko TURNS on the vacuum cleaner in reverse, and points it BEHIND the car, and sure enough, the FORCEFUL blow pushes the car FORWARD down the highway, to San Bernadino, California! Pearl moans, and sadly says: “MAN!!!! Now we'll NEVER win!” Patrick rhetorically says: “NEVER?! That's preposterous! Why, we've made it all the way HERE, haven't we?! And how DARE you waste such potential, by simply giving up! Shame on you, shame on you, SHAME on you! The worst part of it is, you truly made me believe that I was SPECIAL! That I had a CHANCE! That I truly HAD a purpose! And do you want to KNOW something?! YOU were RIGHT! And I STILL believe IT! And I, for one, am NOT going to give up my dream HERE!!!! Grab some wooden planks, some rope, and find something to make a sail! We're going to make a LAND boat, and push ourselves into victory!” Pearl sighs happily, and she says: “Patrick, I always KNEW that SOMEHOW, you had a BRAIN!” Patrick says: “I'm sorry it took me so long to FIND it! But if there was any time to use it, that time is NOW!!!!”

(Camera Confessional) Patrick says: “All this time, I think the thing that held me back the most, was actually not me thinking that using my Brain Coral would turn ME into a JERK! I think that deep down, I was AFRAID! Everyone always telling me that I was STUPID, or that I was BRAINLESS, or that I was IDIOTIC!!!! I may usually ACT happy, and carefree; but deep down, those comments HURT me! I mean, if someone cuts me, do I not BLEED?! If someone tickles me, do I not LAUGH?! I have FEELINGS, just like everyone else! And every time someone insulted me, it HURT me deep inside; and I think that's why I didn't use the full capacity of my Brain Coral sooner. It's because I was afraid that deep down, they were RIGHT, and it sent me down a spiraling case of pity and self-loathing, that I came to believe for myself! I looked to everyone else for help and advice; because I felt that if I didn't, I would be left behind! But I realize now that the reason they were INSULTING me, might not have been because they actually HATED anything I did on Spongebob Squarepants! I think it was because that they were AFRAID of what I could do, equipped with the Brain Coral! That if I ever FOCUSED and released its TRUE potential, AND mine, I would be an UNSTOPPABLE threat to them! So I'm no LONGER going to listen to their INSULTS! I'm going to do what I SHOULD have done from the START, and listen to my brain, my heart, and my ONE true LOVE!!!!” Pearl says: “Patrick, that is poetry in motion!!!!” (End Confessional) With Patrick's Brain Coral firing on all cylinders, Pearl and Patrick are able to EASILY find all the materials they need!

Pig says: “I'm sorry you have to go, and sorry we can't be of anymore help to you! But we still wish you the best of luck in your quest!” Patrick says: “Don't worry! You've helped us MORE than enough! And we'll still GLADLY take you to the Goofy Goober when all is said and done!” Otis says: “We'll be sure to take you up on that! Just as soon as we regain the feeling in our legs!” Patrick and Pearl, get on their make-shift land boat, and Patrick says: “Pearl, you know what you need to do! Use your whale spout, Pearl! And breathe harder than you EVER have before!” Pearl says: “You've got it, Patrick!” And Pearl begins doing so, and soon enough, the race is once again a three-way competition! / The camera focuses in on Skipper and Marlene, still in their hot-air balloon, and are now looking over the city of San Bernadino, California! Marlene says: “This is it, Skipper! The final flag has GOT to be located in the ORIGINAL McDonald's Restuarant, located in this city!” Skipper says: “Than let's drop in, and pick up our flag!” Marlene looks behind her, and in the distance, she SEES Reggie and Rocko coming down the highway! Marlene says: “And we BETTER do it fast! Reggie and Rocko are STILL in the game!” Skipper says: “I am SO glad I didn't say anything stupid! Otherwise, it would be WORSE right now!” Reggie and Rocko look forward, and they see Skipper and Marlene descending to the ORIGINAL McDonald's Restuarant! Reggie says: “It's just as WE anticipated! Our final flag is located at this restaurant!” Rocko says: “Kind of convenient! We can pick up a meal, AND the final key to our victory! Metaphorically speaking, of course!” Skipper and Marlene settle down on the ground, and securely fasten their hot-air balloon to the ground, and Reggie and Rocko pull up to the restaurant! They rush up to the take-out window, and who should they see EXCEPT Bubble Bass at the window! Marlene asks: “Bubble Bass?! What are YOU doing here?!” Bubble Bass says: “Well, if you folks MUST know, my Grandmother thought it would be a GOOD idea for me to acquire some actual WORK skills, should an opportunity ever arise that allows me to have a girlfriend! And if that ever happens, I need to be able to give her the things she wants and needs!” Reggie says: “Sounds like a good reason, to me!” Skipper asks: “So how do we get our final flag?!” Bubble Bass says: “You got to order something! That way, you'll help ME, and you'll be able to help yourselves!” Rocko says: “We'll order a Big Mac Meal and our flag to go!” Marlene says: “We'll have the same!” Bubble Bass says: “Two orders, coming up!” Reggie looks behind, and she says: “And make it fast! Patrick and Pearl are STILL in the game!”

Pearl is STILL breathing on the sail, and Patrick says: “Keep breathing, Pearl! We're almost there!” Pearl gasps, and she says: “I'm not...sure, how much...longer, I can...keep this up!” Bubble Bass says: “Two Big Mac Meals, each with a flag for the BOTH of you!” Rocko says: “Thank you very much!” Skipper says: “Likewise!” Bubble Bass says: “And good luck to the BOTH of you!” Reggie and Rocko turn on the Suck-o-Matic 3000 again, and continue in their car! Skipper and Marlene get in their hot air balloon and leave! Patrick and Pearl arrive at the McDonald's restaurant. Patrick looks, and he says: “GREAT! Just who we needed to SEE; Bubble Bass!” Bubble Bass says: “Oh! I remember YOU! You're Spongebob's friend! Well, if you think I'll give you the last flag you need, than YOU are sadly mistaken!” Pearl grabs Bubble Bass by his throat, and she angrily says: “Now, YOU listen here! I have just BREATHED a land boat, across a HUNDRED miles of DESERT to get the both of us HERE!!!! We only need ONE more flag to participate in our final CHALLENGE, and if YOU don't give us our final flag RIGHT now, I will DO something, NOT NICE!!!!” Bubble Bass nervously says: “I-I-I w-w-w-will get you, a meal and a flag, r-r-right away!” (Camera Confessional) Bubble Bass says: “General Barracuda, PLEASE do me a gigantic favor! Remind me to NEVER make Pearl MAD again!!!! Like, EVER!!!!” / Patrick says: “WOW! Pearl! You really took Bubble Bass DOWN a notch!” Pearl gasps, and she says: “I'm tired, I'm exhausted! I don't think I have it IN me to get us any further!” Patrick says: “Than we've just got to find something HERE that will help us on our way to get to the finish line!” (End Confessional)

Patrick says: “Bubble Bass! Do you HAVE anything in the restaurant that can help us GET to the Hollywood Bowl?!” Bubble Bass gives them their meal, and their final flag, and he says: “Well, the only other thing we DO have, is some firework rockets, left over from the Fourth of July!” Patrick says: “We'll take every one you've GOT!!!!” And Bubble Bass hands them a BIG supply of rockets, and Patrick ties them to the back of their land boat! Pearl asks: “Patrick!!!! Are you SURE this idea is actually SAFE?!!!” Patrick says: “On a scale from 1 to 10, this plan is EXTREMELY dangerous and has a very HIGH risk for getting us both EXTREMELY hurt! But this might be our only option LEFT for getting to the finish line on TIME!!!!” And Patrick lights a match, and IGNITES all the rockets! Pearl says: “Next stop, Hollywood Bowl!” Patrick says: “Wait a minute! I just lit a bunch of ROCKETS!!!! Rockets EXPLODE!!!!” And the rockets FIRE, and pushes Patrick and Pearl's land boat INTO the air, and it heads DIRECTLY for Skipper and Marlene's Hot Air Balloon, and Marlene screams: “NO!!!! You're heading STRAIGHT FOR US!!!!” And Patrick and Pearl's Land Boat pokes INTO the Hot Air Balloon, and ALL four of the contestants begin CAREENING through the air, WILDLY out of CONTROL!!!! / At the Hollywood Bowl, the previously eliminated contestants are STILL waiting around! Daggett asks: “Do you KNOW how much LONGER?!” Norbert says: “Daggett, I told you a HUNDRED times, the contestants will get here whenever they are good and ready!” Treeflower says: “Well, they better do it FAST if they want to get here in time!” Sniz looks through his binoculars, and he says: “And we've got our FIRST duo team here!” Reggie and Rocko pull their car into the parking lot, and they RUSH inside, and GET onto the stage! Sniz says: “And our first duo team to arrive is Reggie and Rocko!!!!” Otto says: “YES!!!! Way to go, sis!” Fondue says: “Well, is anybody ELSE going to get here?!!!” And as soon as he ASKS that, they hear the HISSING of a hot-air balloon, and Skipper, Marlene, Patrick, and Pearl ALL screaming: “WOAH!!!!!!!!!” (KLUMPF!!!!) And all FOUR of them land onto the stage of the Hollywood Bowl at the exact same time! The four of them all get out of the deflated hot air balloon, and Skipper asks: “Wait a minute! We actually made it ALL the way here?! Alive and unscathed?!” Marlene says: “It's incredible!” Pearl says: “It's amazing!” Patrick says: “So if Reggie got here first, which one of us got here SECOND?!” Sniz looks at his watch, and he says: “I'm afraid I cannot answer that. Because as of right now, we are completely, actually, totally, and irreversibly, all out of...(GONG!!!!)...time.” Blonda says: “Oh, I just HATE it when that happens!”

Sniz says: “You'll just have to relax and tune in next time, to find out just what is going to happen, on the FINAL episode of this amazing season, of Total Cartoon Global Cruise!” / Episode Notes: Featured songs in this episode are “Take the Long Way Home, Synchronicity I,” and “Route 66” and “Life is a Highway”, the latter two songs of which are BOTH part of the episode title of this episode! Cameo appearances in this episode include Gordon Quid from “Catscratch”, Otis and Pig from “Back at the Barnyard”, and Bubble Bass from “Spongebob Squarepants,” making the latter his THIRD cameo appearance in a row! / Personal Notes: It certainly wasn't my intention, nor my design, for this season to take almost PRECISELY three exact years for me to complete, from start to finish. But as it turns out, that's how this turned out! No spoilers, no details, and no surprises will be will revealed from me! You'll just have to tune in and find out, just exactly how everything will be resolved at the end of the season! / That's my episode idea for today! Enough said, true believers!

[Goobz]

The Goofy Gooberz Show - S1 EP13 - Atlantis SBCPantis

 

Jjs: HEY GANG!

OBAB: What is it now jjs

Jjs: WERE GOING TO…

SquiddyFace: Lumoshi Land? 

GoofyGooberz: Tyler Town?  

Jjs: No… we’re going to ATLANTIS!

Honest Slug: Boo! Boo! Atlantis sucks!

Winter: WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY FAVORITE S5 EP

BenPaz: FIGHT! FIGHT!

Everyone! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

Jjs: Cool it!

Jjs: We’re going to Atlantis and that’s final.

Hippy: Can we go to S8 City instead?

Jjs: No.That place is full of crackheads.

GoofyGooberz: Heheheheh. Head. 

Jjs: To the bus everyone.

Everyone: YAY!

Honest Slug. Whoop dee fucking doo.

Jjs: SHUT IT BEFORE I DROP YOU OFF AT S6 VILLE!

Honest Slug: Alright, alright. Just never drop me off there. Season 6… *shivers*

GoofyGooberz: OOH! I LOVE ROAD TRIPS! HEY SQUIDDY WANT TO SING FLAREON AND UMBREON’S GAY LOVE SONG?

SquiddyFace: DO I?

SquiddyFace and GoofyGooberz: OHHHHHHH----

Jjs: Shut it, we’re here.

Winter: It’s- it’s BEAUTIFUL! *crys tears of joy*

Honest Slug: Pfft. Season 6 is better than this :trash:

Jjs: I’LL DROP YOU OFF THERE WITHOUT HESITATION! 

Honest Slug: Oh god no, I was just kidding!

Jjs: Here it is, hello there Mr. Guard sir!

Guard: ...

Jjs: Watch this guys, I can speak Atlantian.

Jjs: *gasps*-

Guard: We speak.. English here also.’

Jjs: Oh. OK! Come on guys!

Guard: Pfft… SBC Admin Supremacists I tell ya.

Hippy: Woah, look at this interior.

Winter: OH MY GAHHHHH!!!!!!

GoofyGooberz: Atlantis is good.

Jjs: No one asked Goofy.

GoofyGooberz: Atlantis is good.

OBAB: Goofy tf is wrong with you what are you, Krab Borg?

GoofyGooberz: *shoots laser out of eye*

OBAB: AHHH! SHIT DUDE WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU?

Slam Lord: *rips off GoofyGooberz costume*

Slam Lord: AHA! IT IS I, SLAM LORD!

Jjs: Oh boy…

Jjs: SLAM LORD, I DIDN’T INVITE YOU FOR A REASON!

Slam Lord: Huh?

Jjs: YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO KEEP WATCH OF SBC!

Slam Lord. Whoops.

SOF: I’m sure SBC is fine, let me check-

SOF: Aw shit

SOF: Slam Lord, you done goofed.

Slam Lord: GODDAMMIT!

Jjs: Whatever, let’s just continue the trip.

Slam Lord: Wait guys.

Jjs: What?

Slam Lord: Fools. That’s what you all are. Do you not know I am the owner of Atlantis?

Jjs: THE FUCK?!

Slam Lord: Yep, here’s my certificate saying so.

Guard: …

Jjs: Is this legit?

Guard: Sure is.

Jjs: Uh, uh, uh, uh

BenPaz: RUN!
Slam Lord: GUARDS! GET THEM!

SquiddyFace: I hope I don’t damage my lucky UnderPants Slam Charm.

SquiddyFace: Ugh. GET IT TOGETHER, SQUIDDY! NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO THINK ABOUT A CHARM FOR UNDERPANTS SLAM CHA-

SquiddyFace: Wait. Slam Lord. My charm.

SquiddyFace: *tearing up* Goodbye charm, but it’s for the greater good!

SquiddyFace: *drops charm behind him*

SquiddyFace: I’ll risk it all, for SBC!

SquiddyFace: VIVA LA SBC!

Everyone: Huh?

Jjs: Guys, what in God’s name…

Slam Lord: OOH! OOH! UNDERPANTS SLAM MERCH!! *GASP*

Slam Lord: It’s beautiful… *looks at charm in awe*

Jjs: Um, shouldn’t the guards be attacking us?

Guards: Nah, we quit. We can’t take another mention of that game ever again.

Guards: C’mon guys, let’s get out of here, I heard TRAFON is in need of guards

Guard: Of course he needs guards with the stuff he tweets.

Jjs: Yeah, we’ll just be on our way.

Back at SBC…

WhoBob: Hey, by the way, what happened to GoofyGooberz?

In GoofyGooberz room…

GoofyGooberz: *snore* Yes, I love you too Season 4!  *snore*

GoofyGooberz: *snore* Huh? Eh, fuck off Season 9a, lick a dick. *snore*

Jjs: Must’ve slept in late.

 

The end

[4EverGreen]

Vision Quest Part I: Head Games!

(Warning: Walls of text ahead)

Captain Retro narrates and says: “Previously on Power Rangers Multiverse Force; a powerful psychic girl named Alma was released from her catatonic prison, and began toying with the minds of the Power Rangers, getting them to distrust each other! Desperate, the Power Rangers decided to resort to drastic measures, and unleash a nuclear bomb in order to get rid of her! But, the tactic failed MISERABLY, and instead ruined most of Coastal Falls, leaving most of the Power Rangers without a proper place to call home. If that wasn't bad enough, when BlackHawk revealed the secrets of his gunslinger past to Ebony, she wasn't impressed by it, and BlackHawk broke up with her; again! Now, as Coastal Falls is left to pick up the pieces after the last attack, the Power Rangers must now find and locate Alma, before her psychic powers fall into the wrong hands, or used for an evil purpose...”

BlackHawk is sleeping in his temporary apartment room, surrounded only by his video game systems, and a handful of the trophies that his family managed to take before his old mansion house was destroyed. As he is sleeping, BlackHawk questioningly asks: “Dad? Ace! Father! Where are you?!” /

The action flashes into BlackHawk's dream. In it, BlackHawk sees himself on a beach, completely naked! But there is no one else around to see him anyways! BlackHawk asks: “Why am I seeing myself like THIS?! I shouldn't be seeing myself like this!”

A familiar voice says: “You're seeing yourself the way you WISH to be seen by your friends, and the rest of the world, as well!”

BlackHawk asks: “Captain Retro; is that you?!”

Captain Retro suddenly appears, but HE is fully clothed! BlackHawk asks: “How come I'm NAKED and you're NOT?! Isn't this MY dream?!”

Captain Retro says: “I'm afraid it's more complicated than that! I'm currently asleep myself, and I'm seeing the exact thing as YOU are. But, I'm afraid I'm NOT in control of this, either!”

BlackHawk asks: “How could we NOT be in control of what we're dreaming?!”

Captain Retro SLAPS BlackHawk in the face, and Captain Retro angrily asks: “How DARE you and your fellow Power Rangers NUKE Coastal Falls the way you DID?!!! What the HELL, heroes?!”

BlackHawk seethes, but he calmly says: I HATE it when you utilize TV Tropes against me like that! But for the record, I personally THOUGHT it was a bad idea! How would YOU have fought against Alma?!”

Captain Retro says: “Well for starters, I wouldn't have done ANYTHING that drastic without exhausting ALL my other options! Besides, you of ALL Rangers, are the most fond of Taking a Third Option when it comes to bad decisions! And more importantly, I think that it's BECAUSE of Alma that we're even SEEING the same thing! She IS psychic, after all! She may be PLAYING with your minds, right NOW!”

BlackHawk asks: “Why would she do THAT to us?! We aren't even BAD guys!”

Captain Retro says: “As far as Alma is concerned, you might as WELL be! You didn't EXACTLY make the BEST first impression on her, you know!”

BlackHawk asks: “But what I want to know is, why are we HERE?! One minute, I was LOOKING for my father, even though I KNOW that he's dead; than the next minute I'm HERE! It looks like the coastal town of Avila Beach, California!”

A voice that sounds like Jason David Frank suddenly says: “That's because it IS!!!!”

And Captain Retro and BlackHawk stare in agape and AWE, as the muscled figure of a NAKED Ace Little, appears in FRONT of them! BlackHawk asks: “Dad?! But you're...DEAD!!!!”

Ace says: “I won't be for long! Not once Alma gets to me!”

Captain Retro asks: “Why would Alma go to you?”

Ace says: “I think you already know the answer. Alma MAY be powerful, but she's STILL a young girl! She can be EASILY misled by someone who does NOT have her best interests at heart!”

BlackHawk's eyes open WIDE in horror, and he says: “Radiguet is POSING as a Chaos God to HER!!!!”

Ace says: “Precisely! Radiguet WANTS Alma to REVIVE my body, so that he can USE it as a vessel to enter this world IMMEDIATELY, and FIGHT against you personally! Even though my powers would be WEAKER than his, he STILL wants REVENGE against you, for what you DID to his weaker alternate personality in that mirror dimension!”

BlackHawk asks: “How can you KNOW about this?! And how are you talking to me?!”

Ace says: “You are my first born son. My blood runs through you. My knowledge is your knowledge. Your Vision Quest will start soon. Whatever you do, you must...not...let...Radiguet...succeed.”

And Ace's vision begins to electronically fade away! BlackHawk says: “Father, don't LEAVE me!”

Ace says: “Alma...getting closer...must...stop...now...” /

And suddenly, BlackHawk jolts awake! This also wakes the anthro D.O.G., and D.O.G., asks: “BlackHawk, what's wrong?”

BlackHawk notices he's sweating, but he just breathes, and says: “I know where Alma is going to!”

Than his cell phone rings! BlackHawk sees that the caller I.D., says “Captain Retro.” BlackHawk answers it, and BlackHawk asks: “What's going on, Captain?” /

From Root Core, Captain Retro asks: “BlackHawk, you just had the SAME vision that I had, didn't you?”

Over the phone, BlackHawk says: “You mean of seeing my father alive again, in Avila Beach, California? Kind of hard to forget, seeing as how me and my father were NAKED in it!”

Captain Retro says: “Well, I already asked the Magi-Mother to run a diagnostic on it!”

Rita comes in, and she says: “I'm afraid your suspicions are correct, Captain Retro. Alma IS heading towards Avila Beach, California, and I have a sense that Radiguet IS the one guiding her!”

BlackHawk asks: “Is Alma's mind REALLY powerful enough to bring someone back from the dead?!”

Captain Retro says: “Anything is possible, once you're a Power Ranger! I'll call the other Rangers, and have them meet us at the Command Center. You come join us as soon as your ready.”

BlackHawk asks: “You're going to help against Alma?! What can YOU do that we couldn't?!”

Captain Retro says: “My powers are magic and psychic based. I may be able to help you fight her on her own level, and EXPEL Radiguet's influence AWAY from her! But if Radiguet is getting THIS brazen, than that can only mean he's DESPERATE to control the powers of the four main Chaos God's, and make their power, his own! And we cannot allow THAT to happen; or the fate of the universe, will be WORSE than what happened at the end of Avenger's Infinity War!” /

BlackHawk says: “Agreed! I'll see you soon! BlackHawk, out!”

BlackHawk, completely naked, faces D.O.G., and BlackHawk says: “D.O.G., I have to go and face down Alma. So, if my mother and brother wake up and ask, you must tell them!”

D.O.G., says: “BlackHawk, I wish you didn't have to go. I get WORRIED whenever you have to go away on one of these missions without me!”

BlackHawk says: “I'm glad YOU'RE worried! I can't IMAGINE Ebony ever being worried about ME, let ALONE WHO knows how MANY people she slept with, than LIED to me about it?!”

D.O.G., says: “BlackHawk, if it's any consolation, I love you.”

BlackHawk says: “I know that, D.O.G.! You tell me that every day!”

D.O.G., gets up, and gets close to BlackHawk, and D.O.G., says: “No! I mean; like LOVE, love you!”

BlackHawk asks: “You're serious?!”

D.O.G., sighs and says: “I've felt something special between us, since the first time I saw you. Somehow, I ALWAYS knew, that there was a bigger bond connecting us, than just a good friendship. However, as I was just a regular Eltarian dog before, it never felt RIGHT to me, to act out on my inner feelings for you, because I KNEW the world would NEVER understand or comprehend the way I felt. But, ever since I was turned Anthro, I've suddenly felt brave enough to express my feelings for you! I truly love you, BlackHawk! And, if you feel the same way about me, as I do about you, I hope you will tell me that you love me, to.”

BlackHawk smiles, and he says: “D.O.G., I really DO love you, but I'm afraid I don't have time, here and now, to express it to you.”

BlackHawk puts his orange clothes on, and BlackHawk says: “But D.O.G., when I come back, we WILL spend some quality time together! You can COUNT on it!”

D.O.G., smiles and says: “Thank you, that's all I wanted to hear!”

BlackHawk says: “I'll see you later! To the Command Center!”

And BlackHawk warps in an orange streak of light! /

BlackHawk arrives at the Command Center, and the other Power Rangers and Captain Retro, are already there!Lettuce says: “There you are! What took you, so long?”

BlackHawk says: “Not that it's any of EBONY'S business, but if you MUST know, D.O.G., was just telling me how much he TRULY loved and CARED for me, in a ROMANTIC matter, which is SOMETHING that Ebony would know NOTHING about!”

Ebony gasps and akss: “WHAT?!!! You're telling me that you're going to trade ME, for a canine who is now ANTRO?!”

BlackHawk says: “I think you gave UP your vote on who I chose to love, when you were DISGUSTED by how MY Gunslinger past turned out!”

Ebony says: “It was supposed to be DRAMATIC and exciting, like all the GOOD Western films I've seen in my LIFE!!!! Besides, it's not like YOU'RE the only one who has had something DRAMATIC happen in their personal lives!”

BlackHawk scoffs and says: “I'm not even JEALOUS of you, and Toby! Besides, you know as well as I do that he DOESN'T measure up to me!”

Toby gasps and says: “I'm right HERE!!!! I can HEAR every single WORD you are SAYING!!!!”

Ebony sarcastically says: “Like you're the LEAST bit shocked and insulted to hear that?! If I'm going to be STUCK with just you, the LEAST you could do, is be a little more FLEXIBLE, if you know what I mean!”

Toby says: “I can't CONTORT myself into all the various positions of the Kama Sutra OVERNIGHT! I haven't HAD about the equivalent of 100 Earth years of PRACTICE that BlackHawk has had!”

Pinkie asks: “Lettuce, what's the, Kama Sutra?”

Lettuce groans, sighs, and calmly says: “Pinkie, I'm afraid I have to tell you a VERY necessary truth!”

Lettuce whispers into Pinkie's ear, and she screams: “The Kama Sutra involves WHAT?!!! Are you telling me that MEN, put THEIR Nether regions, into the TENDER spot of a FEMALE, than after WRITHING and MOANING around, they RELEASE tiny things INTO the woman, in order to cause the creation of LIFE?!”

Usagi rolls her eyes, and says: “Pinkie, SURELY you've HAD Sex Ed on Equestria, or at least HERE?!”

Pinkie loudly asks: “What is SEX ED?!!!”

Naruto groans, and sarcastically says: “THANK YOU draconian budget cuts enacted by SO many Republican lawmakers!”

Pinkie defiantly says: “Nobody is going to put NO part of THEIR body into me! I forbid IT!”

Lettuce says: “We're in a RELATIONSHIP now! And if you EVER want to have children of your OWN, you're EVENTUALLY going to have to let someone IN!”

Pinkie says: “I don't HAVE to HAVE this thing called, 'sex'. I have a note!”

Kras'hir suddenly appears, and she says: “Like THAT would be the WORST thing to EVER occur to you! There could be FAR worse things that can happen! Trust somebody who KNOWS from experience!”

Usagi says: “Glad to see YOU'RE here!”

Kras'hir says: “Sorry I'm late, but things have been REALLY unstable in Coastal Falls as of late! With the town in disarray, there have been PLENTY of demons running amok, I needed to run around not just to satisfy my OWN needs, but to keep Sally Anne safe as well! Sans has agreed to watch her while we do this thing!”

Pinkie just seethes, and says: “The discussion is CLOSED! I would NEVER do something as IMPURE and INDECENT as THAT!!!! It VIOLATES everything that EVERY pony in Equestria has ever STOOD for!”

Naruto takes a knowing glance at Lettuce, and Naruto says: “I TOLD you being in a relationship was a bad idea! Looks like you WON'T be having any children AFTER all, WILL you?!”

Lettuce says: “Pinkie is just in denial! She'll have to learn acceptance sooner or later!”

BlackHawk says: “Let's FOCUS!!!! We need to get to Alma, and we NEED to get to her fast!”

Omnus says: “Agreed. Alpha Eight has already put in her coordinates, and you will MEET her, right away!”

Captain Retro says: “Better be mentally prepared! There's no telling WHAT kind of psychic tricks she might throw at you!”

Alpha Eight says: “Good news! Kira Ford is in the area! I'll contact her, and have her MEET you there!”

Lettuce says: “It will be good to see at least ONE lady who isn't in denial!”

Pinkie asks: “How could she be in denial?! The Nile is a river in Egypt!”

Kras'hir says: “Totally NOT what Lettuce means! I better go, to. I have a feeling you'll NEED me!”

Usagi says: “Let's do it! It's MORPHING time!” /

BlackHawk says: “Spinosaurus!” / Naruto says: “Power of Mars! Fire!” / Toby says: “Power of Mercury! Water!” / Pinkie says: “Power of Venus! Aether!” / Ebony says: “Power of Earth! Air!” / Lettuce says: “Power of Jupiter! Lightning!” / Usagi says: “Cosmorpher! Sailor Moon! White Ranger Power!” /

The seven Rangers, Kras'hir, and Captain Retro, land on a Bike Path just outside of Avila Beach, California. It is a bright, sunny day here, but the place seems strangely silent! Usagi says: “I don't like this!”

Naruto says: “Agreed! It's quiet. TOO quiet!”

A familiar voice says: “Thank goodness you're here!”

BlackHawk says: “Kira, you're here!”

And Kira rides in on her Dino Thunder Motorcycle wearing a yellow helmet. She takes it off, and she says: “I've already checked out the town! Everything seems frozen in place!”

Toby says: “It must be the effects of Alma's psychic powers! She couldn't be too far away!”

Lettuce asks: “But why would Alma come HERE, out of all places?”

BlackHawk solemnly says: “Because, this was my Dad's final resting place. He asked to be buried here, in case he ever met an early, untimely end.”

Kira sighs, and she says: “I know how you feel. My dad was an unaccomplished, alcoholic, who wanted to be a singer/musician, but did not have the drive nor the determination to pursue his goals. He died of liver cancer. I guess that's partially why I wanted to become a famous singer/musician. To accomplish what my father dreamed of doing.”

Lettuce says: “Look, let's not talk about that! Why don't we talk about something important to Pinkie?!”

Kira asks: “What would that be?”

Lettuce seriously says: “Kira, would you PLEASE tell Pinkie that having SEX is just a natural part of LIFE once you get OLD enough, and if she EVER wants to have a FAMILY, than she's going to have to REALIZE that, and just ACCEPT it!”

Kira seriously says: “I'm afraid I can't do such a thing!”

Lettuce asks: “Why ever NOT?!”

Kira says: “I hardly think I'm in ANY position to tell Pinkie what she SHOULD or shouldn't do! After all, there ARE genuinely asexual people and/or creatures living in this universe, who choose to NOT have sex at all! I'm not saying Pinkie IS asexual, but if she IS, and you TRULY love her, you'll have to ACCEPT that!”

Pinkie says: “I never said I WAS asexual! I just can't STAND the thought of having somebody ELSE'S body entering into MINE! Not even, what I ASSUME, is a healthy, normal-sized seven inch appendage!”

Lettuce shockingly asks: “WHAT?! Now you're some sort of FREAKY psychic appendage ruler?! Listen, if YOU won't play BALL with me, I think I KNOW of somebody who WILL!”

Pinkie scoffs, and she says: “As IF!!!! Who would THAT be?!”

Lettuce seriously says: “Miss Kira Ford! I've entertained thoughts about you for a long time, but since Pinkie is being UNREASONABLY defiant; I think I'm going to pursue them! After all, you believe in ALL sexual pursuits equally!”

Kira says: “Just because I BELIEVE in it, doesn't mean that's the goal I PERSONALLY follow!”

Lettuce is momentarily stunned, but he regains his composure and asks: “What do you mean?”

Kira says: “My mother did not RAISE me to have SEX outside of my SPECIES, or she'll DISOWN me from her will! That's a line I can't CROSS, Lettuce, even if you DO truly love me!!!!”

The sound of a bunch of GLASS plate-ware inexplicably breaking is suddenly heard, and Lettuce drops RIGHT down to the ground! Ebony asks: “What HAPPENED to him?!”

Captain Retro puts his right hand over Lettuce's power suit, and Captain Retro says: “Physically, he's perfectly fine. But mentally? He's in catatonic SHOCK!!!! The revelation that Kira will NOT ever date him, as long as her mother is alive, was a thought that Lettuce just couldn't comprehend! He's gone STRAIGHT into depression!”

A haughty voice says: “I NEVER would've figured that HE would be the first to crack!”

BlackHawk groans, and he says: “Just what I NEEDED to see; FireHawk and her sister wife!”

StarHawk flies in just behind, FireHawk, and StarHawk says: “I HAVE an actual NAME!!!! Why don't you TRY it, instead of being INSULTING?!”

BlackHawk says: “My anger has NOTHING to DO with you! It has EVERYTHING to do with a certain HAWKIAN, who shall FOREVER be NAMED FireHawk!”

FireHawk chuckles, and she says: “Jealous that I managed to win StarHawk's love SO easily, while YOU fell FLAT on your BEAK?!”

BlackHawk says: “You WISH that I envied you! I'm just CONCERNED about StarHawk's well-being! What have YOU ever done for her, that DIDN'T involve anything that SOLELY benefited YOU?!”

FireHawk says: “I HOPE you don't expect me to DIGNIFY that with a response!”

Usagi gets irritated, and she yells: “That's ENOUGH guys! StarHawk, we would be HONORED to have your Morphed help on this mission of ours!”

StarHawk says: “That's what I'm here for! My Hawkian sensibilities attuned me to trouble in this area! Shift into Turbo!” / StarHawk says: “Phantom Ranger, Turbo Power!”

And StarHawk morphs! FireHawk charmingly says: “I love a REAL soldier in UNIFORM!!!!”

BlackHawk seriously says: “Like you LOVED all those Nazi soldiers you said you CARED for, but then FRIED them to a CRISP?! Even if they actually DID nothing WRONG?!

FireHawk seriously asks: “WHAT?!!! How did YOU know I FAKE-LOVED a bunch of Nazi soldiers, than FRIED them to a CRISP even if they actually DID nothing WRONG?!”

BlackHawk smugly answers: “Because you just TOLD me, FATHEAD!!!!”

FireHawk literally gets RED in the face, and she says: “I HATE it when someone uses an engineered confession to extract information out of me!”

StarHawk seriously asks: “Sister; is what BlackHawk saying is the truth?”

FireHawk says: “Depends on how you...I mean, there ARE other ways, to...”

But StarHawk grasps FireHawk's arms tenderly, and FireHawk sighs, and says: “It's true.”

StarHawk gasps, and she says: “How COULD you?! You told me you had REFORMED, sister! Was THAT another lie?!”

FireHawk looks at Captain Retro, and she asks: “Captain Retro, you KNOW the truth as well as I do!”

Captain Retro shakes his head, and says: “Sorry, I don't intervene whenever a LIAR gets the KARMA they deserve, which YOU should have thought of SOONER, Necron Prophet!”

StarHawk says: “I LOVED you! I trusted you! How could you BETRAY my trust like this?!”

FireHawk says: “That happened LONG ago in the PAST!!!! You have NO idea what it was like trying to SURVIVE in the Nazi Dimension! None of YOU were there! None of you KNOW the extents of the EVIL that all those CREEPS were doing!”

Captain Retro says: “Even so, that was NO excuse for you to KILL the innocent.”

FireHawk says: “They are freaking NAZI'S!!!! They don't know the MEANING of the word; 'Innocent'!”

Captain Retro says: “You DON'T get to DECIDE that, even WITH your powers! Ransik once went down the path YOU are going down on; the path of REVENGE, and it ALMOST cost him the one thing he held DEAR more than anything ELSE!”

FireHawk bitterly says: “This has nothing to DO with REVENGE! It's about obtaining the power that I DESERVE!!!! What is my BIRTHRIGHT!!!! I've spent too many YEARS in exile! And I'm GOING to come back to Planet Hawkia a WINNER!”

Captain Retro says: “If you EVER want to be a winner, you'll stop DENYING and BARGAINING, and ACCEPT the truth that you need to ATONE for your sins, if you EVER want your sister to truly LOVE you!”

Naruto says: “Enough chit-chat! We got to get a move on! BlackHawk, where was your father specifically buried in this town?!”

BlackHawk says: “He was buried on the beach! Of course, there HAS been about 100 Earth Years of ocean tide activity, and continental drift, so his position might have shifted!”

Usagi says: “Just look for Alma! We find Alma, we FIND Ace's body! Is Lettuce feeling BETTER yet?!”

Captain Retro places his hand on Lettuce's power suit again, and Captain Retro says: “STILL nothing! I think I better carry him until he's better! Once we get into danger, I'm SURE he will spring back into action again!”

Pinkie says: “Let's hope so! Because unless my Pinkie sense is acting up thanks to Alma, than I have the STRANGEST feeling that Alma and Radiguet aren't the ONLY ones we need to worry about! After all, Doctor Maniac and Queen Beryl might be monitoring this situation, and they are HARDLY the only evil threats that are lurking OUT in the galaxy!” /

On the distant, wild western monster planet of Onyx, a purple streak of light streams WILDLY towards the ground! It crashes into the rocky terrain, and it's revealed to be the BADLY scarred, missing most of her limbs, Vipera! Vipera, feels as BAD as she looks, as she wearily groans, and says: “Must...make it...to the town. Must get...help!”

But Vipera is STOPPED in her tracks, by a sinister, old man/cyborg, Doctor Maniac!

Doctor Maniac chuckles, and he says: “So, still alive, are you? I guess even at their most blood-thirsty, Usagi and Kras'hir STILL couldn't find it in themselves to finish you off! Which actually fits into my plans, rather PERFECTLY if you ask me!”

Vipera groans, and she says: “Would you SHUT UP and stop lording your SUPERIORITY over ME?!!! I've only got ONE arm, most of my armor has been BLOWN off, and I don't have a single LEG or minion to SPEAK of!!!! Circe and Kraky have run off to who knows where, and Galaxy Lightning has ABANDONED me to go BACK to that Fuhrer Saturn that she used to work with! And I don't even NEED to tell you what happened to Baphomet and Kraky!”

Doctor Maniac says: “What would you say, if I told you that there was a WAY for you to get EVERYTHING you had BACK, and MORE?!”

Vipera says: “I'd ask, what's in it for YOU?!”

Doctor Maniac asks: “Why are you so SUSPICIOUS?! Come ON!!!! We BOTH want the SAME thing, the complete and UTTER annihilation of those POWER brats!”

Vipera says: “Do you think I'm currently looking like THIS by getting on Master Vile's BAD side?! What miracle do YOU possess?!”

Doctor Maniac holds out a box, and he creepily says: “The DISTILLED essences of FIVE of the most FEARED evil BEINGS the cosmos has ever KNOWN; the PSYCHO RANGERS!!!!”

Vipera says: “The Psycho Rangers were DESTROYED after they faced off against BOTH the Astro Rangers AND the Lost Galaxy Rangers! They are no more!”

Doctor Maniac says: “Before they were DESTROYED, they were DOWNLOADED onto a super computer in Secret City! And I was the one, who re-discovered them!”

Vipera shockingly asks: “That was you?!”

Doctor Maniac says: “Indeed! And with their file cards, I discovered that not only COULD I revive them, I could DUPLICATE their powers, and I have their life-source RIGHT here!”

And he opens the box, and it PULSATES with evil energy; Red, Blue, Black, Pink, and Yellow vials of evil energy, that entices Vipera! Doctor Maniac says: “I will give the power of the RED Psycho Ranger to you, which is fitting for a leader such as yourself. In exchange, you must DO something for ME!”

Vipera groans, and she says: “I KNEW it was TOO good to be true!”

Doctor Maniac says: “No, REALLY! It's no big deal! You know those Zero Girls who USED to work for Fuhrer Saturn until they BETRAYED him and left his evil employ? With the remaining vials of Psycho serum, you can INFECT each one of the Zero Girls, and even THEY would be POWERLESS to RESIST the evil energy within! They would not JUST become the Zero Girls again, they would become the Super PSYCHO Zero Girls! The energies of TWO evil Ranger teams, combined into ONE! A team that will KILL one of those PATHETIC POWER Rangers! After all, it IS what Psycho PINK did to Kendrix back on Terra Venture all those years ago!”

Vipera says: “I want this! No; I NEED this! I HAVE to have my REVENGE!!!! But I can't DO this by myself, all on my own!”

Doctor Maniac says: “Just cooperate with me, and you won't BE alone!”

Vipera says: “Very well! Do your WORST!!!!”

Doctor Maniac says: “My WORST is NOT an option!”

And Doctor Maniac makes Vipera DRINK every single last drop of the Psycho Red serum, and sure enough, Vipera's missing limbs COMPLETELY regenerate, her armor is not only restored, it TRANSFORMS into an even more POWERFUL red-coated armor, and Vipera pulsates with energy she has NEVER felt before! Vipera shouts: “This is AMAZING!!!! I can DO this!!!! I can WIN against the Power Rangers! No matter HOW strong they get, I WILL win AGAINST them!”

Doctor Maniac says: “Now it's time for me to fulfill MY end of the bargain, to you, Vipera! I've got something I think you will be MOST happy by!”

And Doctor Maniac pulls out two tiny capsules; he tosses them, and just like the capsule technology of “Dragonball Z”, they poof to reveal the contents of one badly MANGLED Baphomet, and one frozen to death Drako! Vipera gasps, and she says: “That's the dead bodies of Drako and Baphomet! How did YOU come across them?!”

Doctor Maniac says: “I found Drako floating in the abyss of space after he FOOLISHLY wished to escape the deteriorating situation with your FORMER Emperor! And to get Baphomet's body back, I had to promise the return and/or destruction of at least 200 Necron robots. No EASY task, I might add! That's where you and your resurrected RECRUITS will come in!”

Vipera excitedly asks: “You're going to bring Drako and Baphomet back to life?!”

Doctor Maniac seriously says: “IF you PROMISE to use the Psycho serum vials on the Zero Girls, AND hunt down the 200 Necron robots for me! Oh; and DON'T think this is one of those PROMISES that you can MAKE to me, and decide to BREAK, like you constantly did with the Power Rangers! I added in a little something EXTRA to that Psycho serum I gave to you, so that if you ever TRY to use the gifts I gave to you, AGAINST me, you will feel pain and agony BEYOND your IMAGINATION!!!!”

Vipera seriously says: “I don't know. I can IMAGINE a lot! But since I'm not INTERESTED in feeling pain, I'll agree to your circumstances! It will be GOOD to get my loyal crew BACK again!”

Doctor Maniac has his portable energy unit warped in, and Doctor Maniac says: “Seeing as how Queen Beryl's USELESS magicians STILL haven't fixed the proper Youma energy unit, I see no point in keeping this stored energy sitting around; so I'll use it, to restore Baphomet and Drako BACK to life!”

And Doctor Maniac turns ON the energy unit, and sure enough, Drako begins to thaw out, and regains the feeling BACK in his body, while all of Baphomet's cuts and scars disappear, and his wings even regenerate! The glowing fades off, and Drako suddenly shouts: “Goodness me! How am I here?!”

Baphomet says: “The last thing I remember, was riding into battle to beat down those despicable demons! Than I SWEAR that I felt my HEAD leaving my body, then, nothing!”

Vipera says: “I'm afraid that wasn't a dream, Baphomet, and Drako, I'm disappointed that you would try to LEAVE us in our time of need. Unfortunately, with things the way they are now, I NEED you!”

Drako says: “Oh, dear! Why on Core Earth and/or Onyx do you NEED us?!”

Vipera says: “Emperor Diabolica has abandoned us, and I am the NEW Empress now. However, taking care of those Power Brats has proven to be...far more problematic than I thought it would.”

Baphomet says: “Aren't Queen Hedrian and Fuhrer Saturn still helping you!”

Vipera angrily says: “NO!!!! Fuhrer Saturn has gone off to SEEK the Spirit of the Dark Kaiser, and FIND the fabled Nazi realm! Queen Hedrian did one even WORSE, and has JOINED Omnus!!!!”

Drako sighs, and he says: “I should have expected that something like this would happen. It IS what happened to Queen Hedrian's older sister, after all.”

Vipera says: “But once you and I get Kraky and Circe BACK, we won't NEED Queen Hedrian and Fuhrer Saturn! Not with the tools that Doctor Maniac has just provided to us! AND for giving you BACK your life! With our NEW resources, I have every confidence that we will SOON be BACK on top of the most EVIL Villains in the Cosmos list! And I will rule Neo-Austrailasia at last!”

Baphomet romantically says: “Some things NEVER change!”

Doctor Maniac hands Vipera the box containing the vials of Psycho Energy serum, and Doctor Maniac says: “Don't you DARE forget what I have TOLD you about this deal! And under no circumstances, will you EVER let that narcissistic psychopath RADIGUET find out about this! Even Radiguet finds the prospect of the Psycho Energy Serum a bit too unnerving for his taste!”

Vipera says: “Don't worry sir, WE won't let you down!”

Doctor Maniac says: “Let's HOPE not!”

Vipera says: “We shall take our leave now, and maybe someday, our paths shall align again! Let's GO, my fellow cohorts!”

And Vipera and her resurrected followers warp back to the Diabolic spaceship, and Doctor Maniac says: “Good luck! You just might NEED it!” /

The Power Rangers and their warrior friends, are running down the road, that is right above the beach, and BlackHawk says: “It can't be much farther now! The beach we need is right up a—OOF!!!!”

And suddenly, BlackHawk is bounced BACK, by something invisible! Kira asks: “What happened?!”

Captain Retro says: “I have a hunch. Kamehameha!!!!”

And Captain Retro FIRES a blue wave of energy STRAIGHT ahead, revealing a BLUE energy force field! Captain Retro says: “We've been cut OFF!!!! Radiguet is very genre-savvy for a villain, I'll give him that! He KNEW we would try to come and ruin his evil plot early, so he had Alma set this up, to buy himself the time he would need!”

Toby says: “But we've GOT to get through! We can't let Alma bring Ace back to life!”

BlackHawk chuckles nervously, and he says: “Toby, you're not SPEAKING for everybody who might not FEEL the same way about it that YOU do!”

Ebony says: “As a certain animated movie that had a popular song in it, once sang; let it GO!!!! It's time to put the past BEHIND you!”

Usagi says: “Well, unless you LEARN from the past, things are NEVER going to get better for you!”

StarHawk says: “Don't stand there talking! We've got to BREAK this force-field down! I just hope we're not too late!” /

On his evil spaceship, Radiguet is ENJOYING dinner, which just HAPPENS to be a bunch of EVIL Mogwai, but even THEY are terrified by Radiguet! Radiguet sinisterly chuckles, and he says: “Poor, simple FOOLS!!!! Don't you know it's ALREADY TOO LATE?!!! I will not be DENIED my PRIZE this time!!!!”

And Radiguet SWALLOWS the biggest evil Mogwai he can get his hands on, in one gulp! Radiguet says: “To think, SOME Earthlings actually FIND you creatures TERRIFYING! But even the most VICIOUS of creatures, COWERS at the feet of Radiguet! Tranza!!!!”

His son comes in, and he says: “Have you finished dinner, now?”

Radiguet says: “Yes, my son! You, Maria, and that little BRAT of Nurgle's may have the rest! I must now FINISH what I set out to do! I shall be temporarily inhabiting a new body, until I have finally KILLED those Power Brats PERSONALLY! They will NOT make a FOOL out of Radiguet, AGAIN!!!!”

Tranza says: “Understood. I'll see to it that GRAY does NOT try to disturb you from your mission!”

And Tranza takes the dinner plate away, and Radiguet sits on his luxurious emperor's chair, and he closes his eyes, and starts speaking to Alma, in T'zeen'tch's voice! Radiguet says: “Alma, my dear. It's time!” /

Alma's eyes open up, and she says: “I hear you! Where are you?!”

Radiguet, with false sincerity, says: “FOLLOW the sound of my voice! SOON, you will HAVE the father you have ALWAYS desired, and get REVENGE on those EVIL Power Brats soon enough! /

The Power Rangers, and Kras'hir, are all brandishing their weapons and power attacks, but they're not even making a CRACK in the Force-field! Naruto pants, and he says: “It's no use! We've tried everything!”

Captain Retro says: “Maybe not! If we all FIRE at the Force-field at the EXACT same time, I bet we can BREAK it THEN!!!!”

Pinkie says: “It's sure worth a shot!”

Usagi says: “Then ready!”

BlackHawk says: “AIM!!!!”

And everybody simultaneously says: “FIRE!!!!”

And they unleash everything they have, and sure enough it not only CRACKS the entire force-field, it completely SHATTERS it, and it dissipates into nothingness! StarHawk says: “There's Alma! Directly ahead on the beach!”

Toby says: “Alma! Alma, wait!” /

Radiguet says: “Those Power brats are COMING!!!! Say the SPELL I taught you!” /

Alma, in a foreign language, says: “Zimmer zot, radi-tot...”

Kras'hir says: “Alma, NO!!!!”

Alma loudly says: “KAZORDNEE!!!!”

And red lightning FLOWS into the sandy ground of the beach! It flows FROM the sky of the Earth, PENETRATING through the Force-field set up by Rita, and Radiguet chuckles, and he says: “Vengeance will SOON be MINE!!!!” And his body goes comatose as his spirit LEAVES his body, and flows THROUGH the lightning, and into the spot on the ground, where the red lightning is going into!

To everyone's sheer amazement, Ace's body enters RIGHT out of the ground, as it is RESTORED, and REGENERATED to the way it LOOKED before he was killed! And as Ace's body pulsates with EVIL energy, Ebony just stares dumbstruck, as she can't BELIEVE how INCREDIBLE Ace looks, in all his naked glory!

Ebony says: “That's your FATHER?!!! RATS!!!! Now I feel AWFUL for having TOLD you to let him go, BlackHawk! No WONDER you wanted him back so bad!”

BlackHawk says: “Not like THIS!!!! And the proper term is, 'badly'!”

Ebony sarcastically says: “Great! Even my GRAMMAR is being criticized, now!”

Alma excitedly says: “You CAME!!!! Just like the nice god, T'zeen'tch SAID you would! He said that once I revived you, that you would LOVE me, and take CARE of me! I always BELIEVED that you would!”

Ace turns around, and smiles, but in a creepy blend of a voice that sounds like Jason David Frank's, and Radiguet's, Ace sincerely says: “My child; if only somebody truly DID love you, you STUPID little FOOL!!!! You just brought to Core Earth the GREATEST threat the Power Rangers have ever known, all because some invisible voice CHARMINGLY told you to do so! And you actually BELIEVED all those LIES I fed to you, now, didn't you?!”

Alma looks dumbstruck, and she says: “But, you SAID, you LOVED me! Don't I DESERVED to be LOVED?!”

Radiguet/Ace menacingly says: “It doesn't MATTER what you DESERVE! Now that you've brought me here, I no longer NEED YOU!!!!”

And Radiguet/Ace quickly KNOCKS Alma to the rocky outcrop of rocks lining the sea wall at the edge of the beach, and Captain Retro seriously says: “Are there no DEPTHS you won't SINK to, Radiguet?! You want to try to kill us? FINE!!!! But when you MESS with a helpless little girl, there WILL be a price to PAY!!!! We will NOT let you get AWAY with this!”

Radiguet/Ace says: “The prodigy of the Magi-mother. I've heard quite a BIT about you! You are SO idealistic! Always so righteous and moral, aren't you?! If your so-called FRIENDS ever HEARD about your checkered past, they would TURN on you in an instant!”

Naruto says: “Captain Retro, what is he TALKING about?!”

Captain Retro says: “Don't LISTEN to him! I've got NOTHING to be ashamed about! He's LYING!!!!”

Radiguet/Ace asks: “Oh, I'm the LIAR now, am I?! Why don't you tell that to Naruto? Or as YOU called him, once you first GAINED your powers; the most USELESS, ANNOYING, YOUTUBE POOP OBSESSED, PATHETIC, DISGRACEFUL EXCUSE for a Z-Grade NINJA!!!!”

Naruto reels back, and he asks: “Captain Retro, is that TRUE?!!!”

Captain Retro sighs, and says: “Yes, it's true. But I was YOUNGER than! I wasn't as enlightened as I am now. I have come to realize that if I ever wanted to achieve REAL power and real friendship, I would have to put my preconceived notions of you aside! And work with you in SPITE of the differences I feel with you, because I believe TOO strongly in the goodness of the Power Rangers, to let THAT deter me, from helping you out in a fight!”

Radiguet/Ace sarcastically claps, and he says: “Bravo, Captain Retro. Truly riveting. You almost moved me to TEARS...if I even KNEW what crying FELT like! But what will USAGI say, when she finds out that despite your CONTINUED promises to research her historic and heroic life as a Sailor Moon Scout, you STILL don't know MUCH more about her, than you DID when you first MET her!”

Captain Retro says: “I'm LEARNING how to be virtuous and powerful enough to fight the likes of you! Which is something YOU would know NOTHING about! That takes dedication and patience! It's not a question of 'If,' only a question of 'When'. I don't KNOW when I will get the time to research Usagi's life, but I WILL find out more about her, so that when she TELLS me her stories about her heroic past, I will be able to RELATE to it!”

Radiguet/Ace says: “And what about Ebony and BlackHawk; or Lettuce and Pinkie?!”

Lettuce FINALLY comes to his senses, and asks: “Did someone just say my name?! Oh, CRUD!!!! It's Radiguet in Ace's body, isn't it?!”

Ebony sarcastically says: “You catch on fast, don't you?! And what about us?!”

Radiguet/Ace says: “The fact that BlackHawk has ABADONED Ebony and gone to D.O.G.; or that Ebony is now with Toby, or that Pinkie REFUSES to get together with Lettuce, or that Lettuce TRIED to dump Pinkie for Kira Ford, has not STOPPED you from having SUCH deviant fantasies, like BlackHawk and Ebony making such TENDER love together; or Lettuce and Pinkie writhing around NAKED, as they enter--!!!!”

Pinkie covers her ears and she loudly yells: “WHAT'S THAT?!!! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!! IT'S LIKE 'LA, LA, LA!!!! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!!!! LA, LA, LA...'!!!!”

Radiguet/Ace's voice suddenly BOOMS to overcome Pinkie's self-distraction, as he reverberates: “AND DRAWS NASTY PICTURES OF YOU DOING THE NASTY TOGETHER, WITH THE HOPES THAT ONE DAY, HE WILL BE ABLE TO PUT IT ON--!!”

Captain Reto yells: “SHUT UP, HANNIBAL!!!!”

And Captain Retro ZOOMS and SUCKER punches Ace/Radiguet in the GUT!!!! FireHawk asks: “Did YOU just punch out C'thulu?!”

Radiguet/Ace reels back in pain, and asks: “What kind of FREAK ARE YOU?!!!”

Captain Retro asks: “I might ask you the SAME thing, Radiguet! How can you LIVE without such things as Empathy and Sympathy?!”

Radiguet/Ace says: “Such petty emotions would only hold me BACK, from DOING what I must DO to achieve my DESTINY!!!!”

Captain Retro says: “I figured you would say that, but I had to at least TRY to reason with you! But since that won't work, I guess I'll just have to go with Plan B!”

Radiguet/Ace says: “You are a FOOL to challenge me! I may ONLY be in Ace's body, but I am STILL far more POWERFUL than all of YOU!!!!”

Captain Retro skeptically asks: “Is that so? Then why don't you take a look through THIS?!!!”

And Captain Retro throws a power scanner, to Radiguet, and Captain Retro says: “I know you can't sense energy, the way that BlackHawk and I can, so I gave you something to compensate, for your utter apathy and LACK of comprehension of how many LINES you just CROSSED with all of us today!!!!”

Radiguet/Ace puts on the power scanner, and he says: “I know you're BLUFFING!!!! You DON'T have the power it TAKES!!!!”

Captain Retro asks: “If you're SO confidant, than try it for YOURSELF!!!! I should warn you, I don't GET much practice powering up to my FULL potential!”

Radiguet/Ace turns the power scanner on, and he says: “I KNEW it was a fluke! Only a power level of 4!”

Captain Retro says: “First impressions can be deceiving! I thought you were DIFFERENT!!!!”

Radiguet/Ace yells: “I'm the most POWERFUL BEING in the UNIVERSE—WHAT?!!! 77? 400? 700? 4,000? 4,400? 7,000? 33,000?! 44,000?! 70,000?! IMPOSSIBLE for an Eltarian Dog! And yet, it's STILL going UP?!!! 77,740?!”

And Before Radiguet/Ace can even BLINK, Captain Retro charges head FIRST, and HITS Radiguet/Ace STRAIGHT in the gut! Radiguet/Ace agonizingly says: “You...only hit me TWICE so far!!!! So, why do I feel SO WEAK?!!!”

Captain Retro says: “Let me put it into terms that even YOU can understand. When Ace was originally killed, he only had a power level of 66,600. While you PERSONALLY have a power level that I estimate to be at about 666,000; as long as you're in Ace's body, you can only use 10% of your TOTAL power, and I already SURPASS it!”

Radiguet/Ace creepily smiles, and he says: “I still HAVE a BACK-UP plan!!!! ALMA!!!!”

And Alma suddenly wakes up, and she asks: “What's going on?”

Radiguet/Ace says: “Captain Retro is using HIS psychic powers to DECEIVE you!!!! Immobilize him, so that I may take care of him FOR you!!!!”

Captain Retro says: “I would never DO such a thing! I would NEVER lie to you the way Radiguet has!”

Alma looks uncertainly, and Radiguet/Ace yells: “Are you DEAF as well as BRAIN-DEAD?! I'm giving you a direct ORDER!!!!”

Ebony sarcastically says: “Sure. Berate and insult the one person who can HELP you! That will get you far...NOT!!!!”

Radiguet/Ace shouts: “Alma! I'm NOT going to tell you AGAIN!!!! Stop standing around and FREEZE Captain Retro in a MIND trap!!!!”

But Alma has turned around, and Radiguet can't SEE that she's starting to look REALLY irritated! Radiguet/Ace says: “FINE!!!! You want to ACT like a child?! Than I'll TREAT you like a CHILD!!!! You HAVE until the count of THREE!!!! ONE!!!! TWO!!!!”

Alma shouts: “ENOUGH!!!!”

And with a BLAST of psychic energy, her mind waves ripple through EVERYTHING within a 40 mile RADIUS, stopping the normal flow of time through that area, and FREEZING Radiguet/Ace solid!!!! Radiguet/Ace says: “What's THIS?!!! I...can't MOVE!!!!”

Captain Retro says: “Kamehameha!!!!” And he TRIES to fire at Radiguet/Ace, but nothing comes out!

StarHawk draws out her weapon, and says: “Phantom Blaster!” But it doesn't work!

Usagi says: “What gives?”

Alma says: “I have been told many things by this T'zeen'tch, Radiguet, Ace...whoever he TRULY is! And everything he has said to me, has seemed to be at odds with each other. Captain Retro; you, on the other hand, even when Radiguet confronted you with ugly truths that you didn't necessarily want other people to find out, did not try to DENY any claims. Rather, you told us all what had happened, and told us what it was like from your personal perspective.”

Usagi asks: “Are you gonna restore the flow of time here? We've got to STOP Radiguet before he USES Ace's body to try to harm anyone else!”

Alma says: “I haven't made my decision yet! Captain Retro has learned Acceptance, but the rest of you have NOT!!!! Some of you are strictly in Denial, some of you are in Anger, some of you are in Bargaining, and one of you is in Depression. Therefore, I think I will test you with a Vison Quest and some head games. If you can LEARN to move PAST your various stages of not being in Acceptance, I feel that I will be able to TRUST you, and I will allow you to finish off Radiguet as you see fit!”

Kras'hir says: “Bad idea! She's talking about taking us into the realm of our MINDS! We'll have no idea if Radiguet/Ace is being frozen while we're GONE or not!”

Captain Retro says: “Not necessarily. We HAVE Kira Ford! Kira, you will keep an eye out for all of while the rest of us dive into the realm of our minds. I'm afraid it's the only way to earn Alma's trust.”

Kira says: “But Alma said that you have already LEARNED Acceptance! Why do YOU need to go?!”

Captain Retro says: “Just think of me as a referee/guide. I just want to make sure everything is straight and on the level. But otherwise, I don't intend on stepping in, or interfering, if I don't have to.”

Toby asks: “Will you at LEAST be able to give us advice?!”

Alma says: “As your friend, Papyrus is so fond of saying; 'I will allow it!' You'll need all the help you can get to confront all your inner demons, Ebony and FIREHAWK!!!!”

Ebony says: That's how SANS talks, you TWIT!!!!”

Naruto asks: “Like YOU'RE some text expert?! Besides, YOU are in NO position to talk DOWN to her, right now! So I suggest we cooperate with her, if we want to get THROUGH this, with both our sanity, and our dignity intact!”

Ebony sighs, and says: “Yes, Naruto. Sorry, Alma.”

Alma says: “Apology accepted. Time to dive INTO your minds!”

And with Alma's psychic powers, she conks out everybody EXCEPT for Kira Ford, and as they mentally dive into their own minds. Captain Retro plays a familiar song by Foreigner, as various mental images flash by throughout ALL of their minds! /

“Daylight, alright. I don't know, I don't know if it's real. Been a long night, and something ain't right. You won't show, you won't show how you feel. No time ever seems right to talk about the reasons why you and I fight. It's high time to draw the line. Put an end to this game, before it's too late. Head games, it's you and me baby! Head games, and I can't take it anymore! Head games, I don't wanna play the, Head games! I daydream for hours, it seems. I keep thinkin' of you, yeah, thinkin' of you. These daydreams, what do they mean? They keep haunting me, are they warning me? Daylight, turns into night. We try and find the answer, but it's nowhere in sight. It's always the same, and you know who's to blame. You know what I'm sayin', still we keep on playin'; Head games, that's all I get from you! Head games, and I can't take it anymore! Head games, don't wanna play the...Head games! So near, so far away. We pass each other by, 'cause we don't know what to say. It's so clear, I'm sorry to say. But if you wanna win, you gotta learn how to play; Head games, always you and me, baby! Head games, 'till I can't take it anymore! Head games, instead of makin' love! Head games, ooh! Head games, always you and me, baby! Head games, 'till I can't take it anymore, no more Head games, instead of makin' love, we play Head games! Head games, in the first degree! Head games, yeah, always you and me! Head games, why do you do it baby? Head games!” /

And the song ends, as the Rangers, Alma, and their selected friends wind up in what looks like a replica of Riley's HEAD-quarters after it was remodeled, from the animated movie, “Inside Out!” Pinkie says: “This is what our MINDS, look like in the inside?! I thought MY mind would have more cotton candy and rainbows in it!”

Captain Retro says: “This isn't REALLY what your minds all look like. Alma just chose an image of a mind that she KNOWS and can UNDERSTAND! And quite frankly, most of you, especially BlackHawk, probably DON'T want to know how a mind can TRULY look like!”

BlackHawk asks: “What do you mean by that?”

Captain Retro says: “All I'm saying is, that if it weren't for your discipline, your mind could go to some pretty DARK PLACES! No offense to any dark places you've actually BEEN to!”

BlackHawk says: “No offense taken.”

Alma says: “This is the thinking and processing center. It is here, where I will determine your various performances. Since it would be too problematic for me to monitor your activities all at the same time, I shall instead break you up into groups. Pinkie, Toby, Ebony, and StarHawk will all be facing Denial, the First Stage. Kras'hir, Naruto and BlackHawk will be facing Anger, the Second Stage. Usagi and FireHawk will be facing Bargaining, the Third Stage. And Lettuce will be facing Depression, the Fourth Stage. Once you all get past your stages, I shall free you from this realm.”

Toby asks: “Can we trust her?”

Usagi says: “We don't have much of a choice, at this moment. Very well, begin your tests.”

Alma mentally opens up a swirling portal in the simulated mind. Alma says: “Pinkie, Toby, Ebony, StarHawk, and Captain Retro will come with me. The rest of you STAY put!”

And the six of them travel through the swirling portal, and it closes! BlackHawk says: “Not a lot to look at in here! She could have at LEAST mentally left us some electronic games or something while we wait for them to return!” /

Alma, Captain Retro, StarHawk, Pinkie, Toby, and Ebony, exit out of the swirling portal that looks like a land of pink cotton candy clouds, rainbows, sunshine, lollipops, gumdrops, and every other kind of sweet that one could possibly think of! Toby says: “Woah! I think this is where AIR fresheners come from!”

Alma says: “Actually, this is a visual representation of Pinkie's mind. I've chosen this one to take you to, since it's the one that is the MOST in denial! And you KNOW what you're in denial about, don't you, Pinkie Pie?!”

Pinkie says: “I refuse to answer that, or participate in ANYTHING that will FORCE me to see such things that I am NOT ready to 'un-see'!”

Captain Retro says: “Why don't you get back to Pinkie later? For now, just focus on the others.”

Alma sighs, and says: “Very well. First of all, StarHawk, I know it's hard for you to accept the enigmatic nature of your sister.”

StarHawk says: “I just don't understand how she can still be the so manipulative? I thought that time and perspective would change all that for her.”

Captain Retro says: “This might be hard for you to accept, but there are some creatures out there who will NEVER change how they behave and/or feel, not even if they were given all the time in the world. The sad fact is, the reason for doing this is not always the same. Sometimes, it may just be their true nature, or a defective or recessive gene, or the way they were raised. But the philosophy that I always followed, and one that was followed by the late, great poet Maya Angelou; is that when somebody shows you who they are, believe them!”

StarHawk says: “I can't just turn the feelings for my sister off.”

Captain Retro says: “None of us are asking you to do that. All we want you to do is think for yourself, and not let others tell you how to think. You can't just feel with your heart to get through every crisis. Life isn't always going to be that simple. Sometimes you have to look with your eyes, listen with your ears, and think with your brain, in order to figure out who's being truthful, and who is just lying to you!”

StarHawk sighs, and says: “I understand. I won't abandon my sister-wife, but I will at least take the steps I need to take, so that FireHawk will be the more truthful with me.”

Alma says: “As for you, Ebony and Toby, you are BOTH in denial, in regards to your relationship status with everyone else at large! Do you want to know the REAL reason why nearly everyone else has been treating you like a BUTT Monkey lately?! Toby; your reason is that you have become a blatant drug user, and you REFUSE to clean yourself up and become a good role model to your younger brother! And Ebony, you CALLOUSLY disregarded BlackHawk's problematic past, with NO regards to his feelings, LIED to him about being a squeaky clean version, promiscuously sleep with everybody that you possibly can, and yet somehow WONDER why it is that nobody truly loves you!”

Ebony defiantly says: “Draco Malfoy LOVES me!!!! He and I have a thing together that you would NEVER understand! He's the greatest! He would NEVER do anything to BETRAY my trust!”

Captain Retro sighs, and says: “Ebony, I hate to be the bearer of bad news to you, but in the time that you've been away from Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy has become a Death Eater.”

Ebony shockingly screams: “He WHAT?!!!”

Captain Retro nods, and he says: “It's true. He even disarmed your beloved headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, just so Severus Snape could swoop in, kill him, and claim the Elder Wand for his own!”

Ebony dumb-founded, says: “Not MY Draco! Not Draco Malfoy!”

Captain Retro says: “I'm afraid it's only going to get WORSE for you. In the next few months to come, You-Know-Who, the man who USED to call himself Tom Marvolo Riddle, will infiltrate and take over the Ministry of Magic, as well as the Hogwarts School. Your parents are going to flee from their jobs, and take refuge BACK in your house with you! You're no LONGER going to be able to cavort and flirt with any guy you see FIT! You WON'T be able to get away with anything you WANT, anymore!”

Ebony sobs, and she says: “But, that's not FAIR! I merely told Draco that he should take some more initiative! I never told him to aid and abet a MURDERER!”

Captain Retro says: “If you had TRULY not WANTED this to happen, you would have focused more on learning and applying magic as it would have been used for your everyday life!”

Toby says: “Well, if Ebony's parents are going to come back into the picture, I guess that's just one more reason for us to stop using drugs. If your parents ever saw us using drugs, they'd report the activity BACK to my mom, which would NOT be good for EITHER of us!”

Ebony says: “The drugs, we can live without! But what about OUR relationship together?! I'm not even IN denial about what went wrong with BlackHawk, or even holding onto any false hope that he will come back to me! What I'm wondering is, how am I supposed to please Sla...the Pleasure God NOW?! I can't do it by JUST being with Toby!”

StarHawk asks: “Can't you? The Pleasure God only wants you two to have pleasure. He never SPECIFICALLY said how MANY you had to have pleasure with! And if you have pleasure in many DIFFERENT ways with the same person on multiple occasions, isn't that just as good as doing the same thing with many different people on one occasion?”

Ebony says: “I never thought of it that way before. One thing's for sure, once we take OUT the drugs, we'll be a lot more FOCUSED, and have a lot more TIME, for making love with each other, Toby!”

Toby says: “And I bet that once we clean up our act, people will probably start respecting the both of us a lot more than they are right now!”

Alma says: “That just leaves Pinkie Pie! Now, Pinkie Pie, we must discuss the issue of--.”

Pinkie yells: “NOT INTERESTED!!!!”

Captain Retro says: “Come on! It's NOT going to be as BAD as the time you were FORCED to watch Usagi and Kras'hir make love together. Besides, it's standard knowledge you SHOULD know!”

Pinkie defiantly says: “NO!!!! No, no, NO!!!!”

Captain Retro seriously says: “Pinkie Pie!!!! I'll have the Magi-Mother TURN you into a HUMAN if you won't cooperate with us!”

Pinkie says: “You wouldn't dare!”

Captain Retro says: “I will! So help me, I will!”

Pinkie Pie groans, and says: “All right, all right, all RIGHT!!!!”

And Pinkie Pie finally stops sitting and joins everyone else! The others look at Captain Retro, and Captain Retro says: “Works EVERY time! Just like magic!”

Alma says: “Now, like I was saying before you so RUDELY shot me down; we must discuss the issue of, as Salt-N-Pepa once sang; 'Let's talk about sex, baby. Let's talk about you and me'!”

Pinkie Pie groans, and asks: “Why do I HAVE to talk about it?! I simply DON'T want to have anything to DO with it!”

Captain Retro rolls his eyes, and he asks: “Seriously? How do you think YOU were born?!”

Pinkie asks: “What do you mean?!”

Captain Retro, more seriously, asks: “HOW, do you THINK, you were BORN?!”

Pinkie Pie stammers: “UH...a magical stork from Canterlot came to my parents and left me as a baby like every other single Pony in Equestria is?”

Captain Retro, sighs, and seriously says: “Oh, for crying in mud...EBONY!!!!”

Ebony says: “Got this!” And she walks RIGHT up to Pinkie Pie and SLAPS her in the face! Ebony says: “Man! It feels GOOD to not be the Butt-Monkey of a statement for once!”

Than Ebony straightens up, and gets serious, as she says: “But seriously, get your proverbial head out of your proverbial BUTT and think about it LOGICALLY!!!! Your parents had SEX!!!! It's SEX!!!! That's how YOU were even created in the FIRST place! That's how you were BORN!!!! Your parents had SEX; and YES, they probably really ENJOYED it! The parents OF your parents had SEX with each other to give BIRTH to your parents so THEY could eventually have SEX, and so on and so FORTH!!!! Everyone who has EVER had a family, has been born, or WILL be born, with the possible exception of clones, will be created SPECIFICALLY through SEX!!!! That's the basic fact of LIFE!!!!”

Pinkie says: “But...I was always taught that the physical coupling of a mare and a fillie was NEVER to be TALKED about! That such matters were a PRIVATE concern, and little colts and ponies did NOT have to KNOW about!”

Toby says: “But you're NOT a little pony anymore, are you?! You're 16 years old! You're not a little child any longer! You no longer NEED to have someone hold your hoof, tell you that rainbows have a pot of gold at the end of them, or that the Tooth Fairy doesn't exist!”

Pinkie screams: “The Tooth Fairy doesn't EXIST?!!!”

Captain Retro says: “You're dramatically missing the point! The point is, real life isn't like one of those Fairy Tales you have probably read a million times in your story books. Real life is often messier, more uncomfortable, confusing, problematic. But; it can also be richer, more exciting, more fun, more enjoyable, and YES; even more intimate! Pinkie, do you truly LOVE Lettuce?”

Pinkie says: “More than any other penguin, that I have ever met. Even if he DID try to dump me for that Kira Ford!”

Captain Retro says: “He ONLY tried to do that, because he felt like you were being unreasonable.”

Pinkie sighs, and says: “Well, it's going to take me some time to come to terms with this whole...Sex thing. But, since I don't want to lose Lettuce to anyone else, I'll stop being in denial, and come to terms with the truth, whatever that ends up being.”

Alma says: “And with that, you have ALL overcome Denial!” /

The scene dissipates, and they arrive right back in Head-quarters! FireHawk says: “Finally! Took you long enough to get BACK here!”

StarHawk firmly says: “Sister-wife, no more lying, and no more deceptions between the two of us! From now on, if you WANT my love and trust, you're going to have to EARN it just like everyone else! I'm no longer going to be cool with you trying to LIE to me, and I'm NOT going to just forgive you anymore if you try to LIE to me! If you want me to STAY with you, than you're GOING to have to be HONEST with me! That's the only way our relationship together is EVER going to work!”

FireHawk is taken aback, and seriously asks: “WOAH! What happened to YOU in there?!”

Captain Retro says: “You'll find out when it's YOUR turn!”

Pinkie says: “Lettuce, I just wanted to say I'm...sorry, about before. It was uncomfortable for me to think about SEX as something the two of us will one day have to do together, rather than just some nasty thing that little ponies aren't supposed to know about.”

Lettuce, sighs, and says: “That's wonderful.”

BlackHawk sarcastically says: “Great! He's STILL in depression!”

Alma says: “And I'm afraid that it's time for the next group! Naruto, BlackHawk, Kras'hir, you're coming with me and Captain Retro!”

Alma opens another swirling vortex, and Kras'hir asks: “Captain Retro, do you know where we're going to wind up?”

Captain Retro says: “That would be telling, wouldn't it? Besides, I already revealed the future to ONE person today! I'm afraid I can't go over my quota for that!”

Kras'hir looks at Usagi, and Kras'hir says: “I tried!”

Alma says: “Enough! Into the vortex!” And the five of them enter through the swirling vortex!

Usagi asks: “Pinkie, do you think they'll be all right?”

Pinkie says: “Probably. But unless my Pinkie sense is acting up yet AGAIN, there's someone with a LOT of anger somewhere in Core Earth, looking for SOMETHING, and SOMEWHERE important to him!” /

A familiar villain, decked out in Nazi regalia and propaganda, arrives at the site of one of the most infamous Nazi Concentration camps; Auschwitz II-Birkenau in Poland, where at least 1.1 million prisoners were exterminated and slaughtered, purely for their religious beliefs and/or ethnicity. The villain, Fuhrer Saturn, in a German accent, says: “Mein Hitler; SO many things you did to bring about the creation of a master race! So much HATRED you must have felt against the Jews! So much RAGE you had against the Poles, the Slavs, the Russians, the Gypsies! All those backwater countries of Europe, who tried to keep you down before! You had a vision, and you were going to pursue it. I have LONGED to complete your DREAM of a master Aryan race, but I am at a standstill. I am NOT; a perfect clone of you! A FAILED experiment of one of those 'Boys in Brazil' project! That's what they called me! Injected into the egg of a Japanese Mother, I was to be the perfect combination, of the Japanese Warrior, and the German spirit! But the project's plug was pulled OUT; before you could see me rise up properly, to achieve your goals! Now, I stand here, looking for some kind of sign as to what to do next. I have Galaxy Lightning back, but I need MORE!!!! If your spirit still roams this world, than show yourself to me NOW!!!! Show me that I am the Chosen One, that YOU have always WAITED for!”

A black colored spirit, decked out in Black Colored clothes, with the decorations of the old German Kaiser's rises out of the ground! The spirit creepily says: “If you've come here looking for the spirit of Adolf Hitler, you have wasted your time. All the old spirits of the Nazi's in THIS world have been banished to the Demon World, with but ONE exception! I am like you; the LAST of our kind in this world! In life, I was the very FIRST real enemy the Power Rangers ever fought! I am the Dark Kaiser!”

Fuhrer Saturn gasps in awe, and he says: “Dark Kaiser! I've heard about you! You lasted against the Power Rangers for FAR longer than any other major enemy...with the exception of Rita Repulsa and Lord Zedd, of course! Is it TRUE that you created a monster that destroyed the SECOND Yellow Ranger of the Power Rangers Valor Force?”

Dark Kaiser says: “Aye. That is true. That is one of the greatest events of my life...when I WAS alive. But ALAS!!!! Now, I am DEAD!!!! I have been waiting in limbo for untold YEARS waiting for a worthy warrior to join forces with! I tried once with Emperor Marvo, against the Power Rangers Super Mega Force. Needless to say, we were LESS than successful in conquering the Earth!”

Fuhrer Saturn says: “No WONDER those Rangers had to pull out all the stops in trying to DESTROY him!”

The Dark Kaiser says: “But I believe YOU may be DIFFERENT! After all, you are a Nazi Warrior just like ME! We both THIRST for the destruction of the Power Rangers, by any means NECESSARY!”

Fuhrer Saturn says: “And the creation of a Master Race, like Hitler always DREAMED of!”

The Dark Kaiser says: “It is STILL possible! I KNOW what you seek! A realm where the Nazi's GOT what they always dreamed of, what WE deserve! I have the POWER to give you what you seek; but I NEED to inhabit the body, of a warrior who is worthy, in order to access this place! Tell me you are the one that I have been waiting for ALL these years!”

Fuhrer Saturn says: “I am! I shall let you inhabit my body, and give me INCREASED power, and the ability to access this Nazi realm, at anytime that I PLEASE!!!!”

And the Dark Kaiser's spirit FLOWS into Fuhrer Saturn, and the energy is jarring, even to Fuhrer Saturn! With a loud crackling, and purple-black lightning flowing out, a menacing voice says: “The Dark Kaiser is in COMPLETE control and power ONCE again! This NEW body is INCREDIBLE! I'll make short work of—Ack! ACK!!!! What is happening to ME?!!!”

Fuhrer Saturn shouts: “AHHH!!!! You FOOL!!!!”

The purple-black lightning turns into red-black lightning, and Fuhrer Saturn says: “Dark Kaiser, did you think I was some NAIVE fool you could JUST take control over?! I am a NOBLE DEMON!!!! And this Nazi Realm that I know of, it is NOT the Nazi Realm that should exist! They are HARSHLY unfair against people who are Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Queer, or have some other form of biological sexual condition! Treating them badly is NOT something I would WISH against them! Even EVIL has standards! I will NOT be Hijacked by Ganondorf today; thank you very much! But, your evil spirit SHALL become my OWN spirit! Purified by my noble blood and ambitions, I shall henceforth be known as Dark Fuhrer Saturn! But; perhaps this Nazi Realm could still be, of use to me. I think the time has come, for this Nazi Realm to be under New Management, so to speak. I shall free these people with biological sexual conditions from their unfair punishments. It's the LEAST I can do, to make their realm a LITTLE more pleasant! After all, no need to create dissent and distrust, where there doesn't NEED to be any! Now, let me find out more about this realm, from my loyal servant Galaxy Lightning!”

And though physically, Dark Fuhrer Saturn himself doesn't look any different, his Gold Plated Armor and Red Cape now contain jagged black lines and jagged purple lines running through them respectfully, indicating the presence of Dark Kaiser inside of Fuhrer Saturn! Dark Fuhrer Saturn then sees the image of Galaxy Lightning in the sky, hailing through a magical dimensional channel. Galaxy Lightning says: “Fuhrer Saturn?! Is that still you?”

Dark Fuhrer Saturn says: “Pretty much. My journey has proven successful. I have absorbed the spirit of the Dark Kaiser, so I will expect you to refer to me properly as Dark Fuhrer Saturn!”

Galaxy Lightning says: “Understood. Are you ready to review the people you need to meet and know once getting into this Nazi Realm?”

Dark Fuhrer Saturn says: “Of course. They are OBVIOUSLY inferior to me, but they might STILL be very useful to me, so long as I use them PROPERLY!”

Galaxy Lightning pulls up a 3-dimensional computer screen, and she shows images as she describes who the people are. Galaxy Lightning says: “There are four people of note. Reinhard Heydrich; the de facto leader of the Third Reich. In his dimension, Adolf Hitler dubbed him the Man With the Iron Heart. He is cold, cruel, ruthless, cunning, and a sociopath. He cares very little about his enemies.”

Dark Fuhrer Saturn says: “So in order to get control of the Nazi's, I need to handle HIM first!”

Galaxy Lightning says: “The next person is Amon Goth. He is considered to be the most dangerous man on his version of Core Earth. He is a cruel, vicious, unpredictable sadist. He is hated and feared by everyone who knows his name.”

Dark Fuhrer Saturn says: “I know nothing of fear ever since I sold my soul to Satan, the master of Queen Bandora. Still, I shall handle him with extreme caution and care.”

Galaxy Lightning says: “This next person has NO history on OUR version of Core Earth, but on HER version, Emma Heydrich is Reinhard's daughter! She is just as cold as he is, but can hide behind charisma when the need arises. She serves as both a spy, and an assassin. She uses her guile, seduction, stealth, and martial prowess to carry out the tasks that she is assigned. She's very good at what she does. And if the RUMORS are to be believed, she is FAR closer to her father than a NORMAL daughter SHOULD be!”

Dark Fuhrer Saturn says: “She sounds VERY interesting! We could USE someone like her in our crew!”

Galaxy Lightning asks: “Aren't you worried that she could BETRAY us?!”

Dark Fuhrer Saturn says: “I wouldn't doubt, that would be one of the first things on our mind! BUT; it's important to have at least ONE of these people around to KNOW how they think! You know the old saying; 'Keep Your Friends Close, and Keep Your ENEMIES Closer! If you catch her trying to betray either of us, you shall handle her with EXTREME prejudice; to send the message that I shall NOT be trifled with under ANY circumstances!”

Galaxy Lightning says: “Of course. And the last person is Ilsa, the She-Wolf. If one did not know any better, it would be EASY to mistake Amon Goth and Ilsa for twins! But Amon prefers conventional torture, whereas Ilsa, deals with pain of the sexual nature!”

Dark Fuhrer Saturn's mask GLOWS a crimson shade of red, indicating an angry face beneath his yellow mask! Dark Fuhrer Saturn says: “And no doubt she INFLICTS this pain on these people with biological sexual conditions, that they cannot control! Thank you for informing me, Galaxy Lightning! I shall handle everything else from here!”

Galaxy Lightning says: “Yes, sire!” And her image dissipates.

Dark Fuhrer Saturn than turns on his red lightning energy and aims it STRAIGHT forward into the air; prying open a portal between the realm of Core Earth, and THAT of the Nazi Realm! Dark Fuhrer Saturn says: “There it is! It's time to see if my new underlings will be as happy to see me as I HOPE they will be! Because if they're not, they're going to be SORRY they ever treated people with biological sexual conditions SO badly!” /

In the Nazi Realm, at their version of Auschwitz II-Birkenau, it is another dreary, down-trodden day for anyone unfortunate enough to be a prisoner there, which includes WELL over 1.3 million people, which would be basically anyone who is NOT a blond-haired, blue-eyed German of the fabled Aryan race! Reinhard Heyrich, is currently supervising the prisoners forced to break apart rocks to make raw materials for Nazi weaponry and technology! He is BRUTALLY whipping them, as he says: “Don't slack off! Get back to work! You had a break three days ago!”

Amon Goth says: “Let me use the mace! I want to use some mace!”

Reinhard says: “Not unless someone TRIES to start something! After all, they're already WORTHLESS compared to us! No need to make them USELESS as well, by making them BLIND in their eyes!”

Emma seductively says: “You're such a strong, WISE leader!”

And Ilsa says: “Personally, I couldn't CARE less! There's not a single guy OR girl among this group, that I would want to--!”

And someone shouts: “FIRE!!!!”

And all four of them look, and sure enough, a BLAZING fire appears right in the middle of the Concentration Camp, and out of it appears Dark Fuhrer Saturn! Emma asks: “Who is THIS new guy?!”

Dark Fuhrer Saturn says: “Just another proud member of the Aryan race! I'm here to light your path to a brand new avenue of opportunities that you never KNEW existed!”

Amon Goth angrily asks: “Well, if you're so PROUD of being Aryan, than WHY do you wear a MASK?!”

Dark Fuhrer Saturn says: “I am Dark Fuhrer Saturn, and I DON'T need to dignify THAT with a response!”

And Dark Fuhrer Saturn EASILY knocks Amon Goth to a far-away wall, putting many fractures and cracks into the bricks! Reinhard seriously asks: “Just a minute! You can't just BARGE in here! Who do you think you are?!”

Dark Fuhrer Saturn says: “I am a clone of Adolf Hitler. I am the leader THESE poor souls have been waiting for!”

An old man asks: “Are we saved?”

Dark Fuhrer Saturn says: “Only if you have a biological sexual condition. Otherwise, I would say more like, you're under new management!”

Reinhard says: “You can't just come around here and bark out orders! We TRUE Nazi's won't allow it!”

Dark Fuhrer Saturn says: “And what are you going to do about it?”

Emma asks: “Do you want ME to take care of him?”

Reinhard says: “I'll handle him MYSELF, my PRECIOUS daughter! It's been quite a long time since I've had a WORTHY challenge!”

Dark Fuhrer Saturn says: “You seem confident! Let's see if that confidence is well-placed!”

Reinhard takes his shirt off, revealing his ripped muscles! Reinhard says: “You'll see a lot more than that! Now, let's have at it!!!!”

And Dark Fuhrer Saturn BARELY has time to react, and just NARROWLY misses being hit by a powerful LEFT hook! Dark Fuhrer Saturn quickly counters with a strong uppercut, but Reinhard dodges backward, and the two of them QUICKLY break into a melee of punches and kicks! Even though BOTH of them have exceptional strength and speed, neither of them seem to be gaining an edge over the other! Finally, Dark Fuhrer Saturn says: “Most impressive! I didn't THINK there was a MERE mortal who HAD such strength, other than the Power Rangers of course!”

Isla asks: “Wait a minute! You KNOW the Power Rangers?!”

Dark Fuhrer Saturn says: “I've tangled with them on several occasions. They are QUITE the nuisance!”

Reinhard says: “Than WE have a common enemy! We want REVENGE on the Power Rangers to! Doctor Maniac tried to partner up with us in order to use our resources to DESTROY the Power Rangers, and instead they HUMILIATED us, by defeating our latest biological weapon in NOTHING flat!”

Dark Fuhrer Saturn says: “Well, I'm not a scientific blowhard like Doctor Maniac is! I won't make you promises that I can't keep! But, perhaps we can arrange a working relationship that would benefit ALL of our needs!”

Reinhard says: “Very well!” He puts his shirt back on, snaps his fingers, and just like that, Amon Goth wakes up and joins the rest of them! Reinhard continues, and he says: “We're listening.”

Dark Fuhrer Saturn says: “I want to DESTROY the Power Rangers! I have the magic necessary to KILL them, but I need some warrior resources to turn into Black Magma monsters! Since you CLEARLY don't want to take care of these ethnically inferior races, I think I have a solution to your lodging problem. You can send me your best-bodied prisoners, to become MY new, unwilling employees!”

Amon asks: “And what is in it for us?”

Dark Fuhrer Saturn says: “You will be able to sleep easier, knowing that potential riot threats to your reign are being BETTER used, once they are BRAINWASHED and transformed into MY monsters!”

Ilsa says: “I don't like this plan! Less prisoners means LESS people for me to exploit my sexual prowess on! I say, don't go for it!”

Amon says: “Kill him NOW!!!! That jerk HIT me!”

Emma asks: “After all, how do we KNOW we can even TRUST you?!”

Dark Fuhrer Saturn says: “I wouldn't expect you to. But, I KNOW that having control of ONE Core Earth isn't enough for you! There IS one where, as much as you DON'T want to hear this, Hitler and his Nazi forces LOST World War II! Adolf Hitler committed suicide before the war ended, and most of the Nazi's were forced either into prison or into death for what they had done at Concentration Camps like this one! Don't you want to go to this alternate version of Core Earth, and show them that the Nazis do not TAKE being humiliated lightly at ALL?! It would be a good opportunity to AVENGE their loss, and strengthen your reign over ALL inferior races!”

Reinhard says: “You make a point I cannot refuse. Very well, I shall SEND you my best-bodied prisoners. I'm afraid I can't spare more, though. We're currently dealing with a problem of our own. We're currently dealing with an alien threat who simply calls himself the Guillotine. There's also this giant robot called GR-01, and we're not entirely sure whether we can trust it to stay loyal to us, since a young boy is the one who pilots it and all.”

Dark Fuhrer Saturn says: “That is all right. Any help you can spare is better than no help at all.”

Amon says: “Just don't tell us what to DO, anymore!”

Dark Fuhrer Saturn says: “You're LUCKY Reinhard has exceptional strength, and what appears to be SOME form of superhuman invulnerability; otherwise I would rip that tongue right out of your MOUTH right now!”

Isla says: “Straight and to the point! I like his style!”

Dark Fuhrer Saturn says: “I'll be watching you, to make SURE you don't treat prisoners with biological sexual conditions TOO badly! After all, even though you don't have to WORRY about protecting your leader Reinhard, I'm not sure if Reinhard doesn't have to worry about protecting YOU! After all, your technology, while impressive, is very dated compared to Doctor Maniac's inventions!”

And Dark Fuhrer Saturn disappears in a blaze of fire! Emma asks: “Are we REALLY going to help this...OUTSIDER who questions OUR methods of dealing with prisoners?! He's not even a TRUE clone of Adolf Hitler! A TRUE clone wouldn't hide his face behind a mask!”

Reinhard says: “True. But, this world has grown rather soft, and broken! We Nazi's ALWAYS do our best when we have some other threat to deal with! And if we focus on THIS distant threat, it will help us stay prepared for REAL threats here at home!”

Amon says: “You are VERY brilliant, Reinhard!”

Reinhard says: “That is true! But Ilsa; DO try and show some restraint when dealing with your...sexual play-things. I can't exactly afford to replace you, after all.”

Ilsa sighs, and says: “I shall simply have to...refine my approach, sir.”

Reinhard says: “Very well. Emma, Amon; round up all the able-bodied prisoners you can find! We have an obligation to fulfill to Fuhrer Saturn!” /

Meanwhile, back in the mental Head-quarters envisioned by Alma; the psychic girl takes Naruto, BlackHawk, Kras'hir, and Captain Retro into a place that looks a LOT like the inside of Barrel Volcano from “Super Mario R.P.G.: Legend of the Seven Stars”!

Captain Retro says: “1996 Retro 16-bit graphics! This is SO cool! I mean, hot!”

Kras'hir says: “I imagine that the reason WHY we're here, has to do more than just pleasing us with very good video game aesthetic design.”

Alma says: “Very perceptive! I have simply taken all the rage, anger, and residual hatred residing in the minds of THREE of you, and transformed it into a physical representation that you can understand. Any idea why I chose THIS particular area to represent your feelings of anger?”

BlackHawk says: “Is it because Barrel Volcano is one of the hardest areas in Super Mario R.P.G.: Legend of the Seven Stars, and can CREATE anger if you don't know how to survive in it?”

Alma says: “Precisely. Now, are we going to be able to talk about WHAT you're angry about, or are you just going to be STUBBORN in being angry about it?”

Naruto says: “No, Alma. The sooner we get out of here, the better. Not that this ISN'T enlightening and necessary for at least SOME of us! No offense to Ebony, of course!”

Captain Retro says: “Actually, she learned HER lesson faster than Pinkie Pie says! DON'T assume anything before you SPEAK, Naruto! Or would you rather I refer to YOU as the designated Butt-monkey of this particular Power Rangers team?”

Naruto sighs, and says: “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed anything. Very well, then. I'm angry about a couple of things. I'm angry that Usagi has taken my place as leader of this particular Power Rangers team, and I'm angry that every single time I get a little bit close to BlackHawk's power, he SURPASSES my strength and power yet AGAIN!”

BlackHawk says: “That isn't even ABOUT me wanting to surpass you anymore; it's a matter of necessity! After all, we now have RADIGUET to worry about! He's right outside this mental realm waiting for us!”

Captain Retro says: “And not very happily, I might add! Of course, given that it's Radiguet, I think he's only REALLY happy when he's inflicting pain and torture! He's VERY sadistic like that!”

Alma says: “I quite agree. I was in...denial myself, about why I continue to feel such pain in my life. Radiguet sensed that, and offered me an easy fix to my problems! And I was in SUCH denial about how I SHOULD deal with my problem, I convinced myself that letting Radiguet guide me to where BlackHawk's father was buried, would offer me the answer to everything.”

BlackHawk asks: “Are you saying that you've learned something as well?”

Alma says: “Yes. I'm no longer in denial about what Radiguet has done, but I'm STILL angry about it!”

BlackHawk sighs, and says: “I know. There is plenty that I have been, currently am, and maybe will always be slightly angry about. I'm still slightly angry at myself, for not being stronger and smarter when I was younger, and just starting my gunslinger career. If I had, I might have been able to help my fellow gunslingers from being...well, you know. It was while I was away, that my father was killed. I was angry for not being around to protect him. And of course, I'm REALLY angry at Ebony for lying to me, and disrespecting my past as a gunslinger!”

Captain Retro says: “Well, you can either CONTINUE to just be angry at the facets and facts of your life. Or, you can choose to do something constructive about it.”

BlackHawk says: “I AM doing something constructive about it. I'm building up my strength, so I can be better prepared for future threats to Core Earth. And I'm choosing to pursue a brand new, romantic relationship with my special friend, the anthropomorphic D.O.G.!”

Captain Retro says: “He is a very good choice. I hope you treat him well.”

BlackHawk says: “You know I will! But why does it mean anything to you?”

Captain Retro sighs, and says: “Because D.O.G., is much more than just a fellow Eltarian canine of mine. He's my older half-brother; Aaron Muttson. Same father, but different mothers. That's why we look so different from each other.”

Kras'hir says: “He sure doesn't treat you like you're his younger half-brother.”

Captain Retro says: “It was a condition of me signing up with the Magi-mother, in order to obtain my powers. D.O.G., was never SUPPOSED to become anthropomorphic the way I did. The Magi-mother never foresaw that happening in any of her future visions. Which causes me to worry a little bit, that Radiguet may be affecting the powers of the Magi-mother more than she would care to admit. In any case, please keep this information to yourself. I don't want my older brother to know about his relationship to me just yet.”

BlackHawk says: “Understood.”

Alma says: “And Kras'hir, you're still angry because...?”

Kras'hir just leers angrily, and asks: “Do you want the LONG story, or the short version?”

Alma says: “Since I don't want to be here any longer than YOU do, the short version.”

Kras'hir says: “Very well. Let's just say I have a few ISSUES with my MASTER, the Blood God. And I'm not sure what I can do about it, other than kill criminals to keep myself sane!”

Captain Retro says: “Kras'hir, the Blood God is NOT as powerful, as he would LIKE you to believe!”

Kras'hir says: “That's just what YOU would like to believe!”

Captain Retro says: “No. That's what the DOG Guardian told me!”

BlackHawk asks: “So, Clifford is still alive?!”

Captain Retro asks: “He goes by MANY different names. Huckleberry Hound, Scooby-Doo, Hong Kong Phooey, Courage, and even the obscure Shag from the Road Rovers. In any case, of COURSE the Dog Guardian is still alive! With the exception of Aslan, he is the strongest and WISEST of all the guardians! He has seen ALL that has been, and all that will be!”

Naruto asks: “So, he's omniscient. Can he tell us how to STOP Radiguet?”

Captain Retro says: “The Dog Guardian can only PRESERVE the balance of life between good and evil. He cannot choose sides. That's why he has me, among other warriors, to ensure that the balance is maintained and kept intact.”

BlackHawk asks: “But what about the Tower?”

Captain Retro says: “It's not a physical building, as YOU have come to know it! The truth is, even I don't know how the Tower TRULY looks like, because mere mortals aren't SUPPOSED to know how the Tower actually appears! The only reason WE see it as a tower, is because that's a form we can understand.”

Kras'hir says: “Kind of like how Alma keeps taking us into places that a child would be familiar with. They are all forms of things that she can understand.”

Captain Retro says: “Precisely. As for your problem, Kras'hir. You don't need to face your problem alone. You have Usagi who can help you, and Sally Anne who NEEDS you, to help her grow up into a fine, young women someday. And as for the Blood God, I'm not sure that any of you have noticed this, but as the Emperor of Light begins to awaken, the powers of the Chaos Gods are growing weak. That's why Radiguet was ABLE to steal Nurgle's son away from him SO easily! They can't send anymore demons into our realm anymore, let alone directly interfere with Core Earth itself, anymore! And Radiguet knows this, to! I think that's the main reason why he was so desperate to come here! He wants to DRAW out the Chaos Gods, before they WEAKEN any further!”

Kras'hir says: “Does that mean the Blood God doesn't have any influence over me anymore?”

Captain Retro says: “I don't know that for sure. The Magi-mother will have to run some more tests, before we can confirm or deny anything.”

Kras'hir says: “I'm glad you told me this. I feel like I'm ready to finally let go of my anger.”

Alma says: “And with that, you have all passed the stage of Anger! Time for the next group!”

And with that, Alma, Kras'hir, Naruto, and BlackHawk all pass through the Swirling Vortex, and appear back in Head-quarters. Usagi says: “Kras'hir, you're back! You seem...happier, somehow.”

Kras'hir says: “Well, I feel happier than I have felt in years!”

Alma says: “FireHawk and Usagi, it's your turn.”

FireHawk rolls her eyes, and derisively says: “It's about TIME!”

Alma says: “You NEED to be careful about what you say! After all, time is just about the ONE thing YOU don't have MUCH of!”

FireHawk asks: “What's that supposed to MEAN?!”

Usagi says: “I think we'll know, soon enough! Come, Captain Retro! I have a feeling that this won't be an easy test for FireHawk to face alone.”

Captain Retro says: “And that's putting it mildly! We better get through this fast! Things on Core Earth aren't as static as any of us would LIKE them to be!”

And Alma takes Usagi, FireHawk, and Captain Retro through the swirling vortex! StarHawk says: “I do so hope my sister-wife is able to get through her test safely!” /

Meanwhile, back in Coastal Falls, the former Zero Girls, Eva, Thea, Nena, and Hedy, are busy helping Billy, Rocky, Adam, Alpha 6, and Karone, with the reconstruction of the city. Billy says: “Eva! Are you able to handle all the heavy lifting by yourself?!”

Eva says: “No problem with a strong girl such as myself!”

Rocky says: “Thea, give me a hand in stabilizing this exterior framework for this building!”

Thea says: “Sure thing, Rocky!”

Karone says: “Nena, you're doing a good job of painting this new building.”

Nena says: “You're not so bad, yourself!”

Adam says: “Hedy, thanks for re-opening the abandoned mine quarry, and getting us the raw materials we needed to help rebuild this city!”

Hedy says: “Anything for our friends! We've got to get this city back up and running again!”

Alpha 6 says: “Aye-yai-yai-yai-yai! That is certainly the truth!”

And they all begin laughing, until one by one, Rocky, Alpha 6, Karone, Billy, and even Adam are all ZAPPED with an immobilizing electricity, and the Zero Girls gaze in fear, as the Diabolic comes OUT of space, and a familiar voice they NEVER thought they would hear again, BOOMS to them LOUDLY! Vipera, with fake seduction and sincerity, smiles with glee as she now has her FULL crew back with her!

In the Diabolica, Circe groans, and she asks: “Remind me, Kraky, how did I EVER let you talk me into joining up with VIPERA again?!”

Kraky says: “It's not like we could refuse! She said she would hit and YELL at us every five seconds we remained indecisive about the whole situation!”

Vipera says: “Hello, Zero Girl TRAITORS! Remember ME?! The Empress you ABADNONED so the Rangers could so EASILY maim me?! Did you THINK I wouldn't take that PERSONALLY?! Well, now, you're going to PAY for your lack of LOYALTY and OBEDIENCE to me!”

And Vipera zaps the former Zero Girls with immobilizing electricity, rendering them completely incapacitated! Vipera then descends from the Diabolic, and the Zero Girls gasp in SHOCK not just at how she looks completely restored, but looks STRONGER than ever! Eva asks: “HOW?! Usagi completely DECIMATED you!”

Vipera says: “Let's just say I met a certain DOCTOR, by the last name of MANIAC, who made me an offer I couldn't REFUSE! Besides, it will mostly benefit ME, anyways! Did you really think you could simply STOP being evil anytime you WISHED?! I think we need to make EXAMPLES out of you!”

Thea says: “We will NEVER go back to working with your crew! So do whatever you want with us, we WON'T be a part of your EVIL any longer!”

Vipera says: “Oh, we'll do what we WANT with you, but you WILL be evil again! Drako!”

Baphomet carries Drako down, and Drako is HOLDING a familiar case filled with pulsating vials of EVIL energy! Karone's eyes open WIDE in horror, as she says: “NO!!!! Don't TELL me that's the Psycho serum!”

Adam asks: “The WHAT?!!!”

Karone says: “The Psycho serum! That's what I used back when I was Astronema, to create the Psycho Rangers! I thought with the destruction of the Psycho Rangers, there would BE no more Psycho serum! But if Doctor Maniac revitalized Vipera, he MUST have been the one who FOUND the file cards of the Psycho Rangers, before having his go-between give it to Deviot and Trakeena!”

Vipera says: “How VERY perceptive of you!”

Nena says: “What do you plan to DO with us?!”

Vipera says: “Very SIMPLE! Not only WILL you become the Zero Girls again, you will become even STRONGER, thanks to the POWER of the Psycho serum! And you will FINALLY, KILL one of the Power Rangers, to SATISFY Doctor Maniac's NEED to KILL a Ranger among EVERY Ranger team he fights! And the BEST part of all of this, is that YOU don't have any CHOICE in the matter!”

Hedy says: “You WON'T get AWAY with this!”

Vipera says: “Watch me! Baphomet, pour the VIALS!!!!”

Baphomet says: “With PLEASURE!”

And one by one, Baphomet pours the Pink Vial into Eva, the black vial into Thea, the blue vial into Nena, and the yellow vial into Hedy! And soon enough, their bodies all begin to shine with UNNATURAL, glowing red energy, and the four of them all scream: “No, NO, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

And they all transform!!!! While they DO look like the Zero Girls, their armor looks a LOT more impressive and STRONGER than it EVER did! With a lot of jagged edges and bulging muscles, rippling within the super-strong armor! Eva says: “Super Psycho Zero 01 is BACK in business!!!!”

Thea says: “Super Psycho Zero 02 will EXTERMINATE the Rangers!”

Nena says: “Super Psycho Zero 03 won't let the Rangers get away!”

Hedy says: “Super Psycho Zero 04 will GRIND the Rangers into dust!”

Vipera says: “And since I have the Red Psycho serum in me, that makes ME your official leader! If you want, you can call ME, the Super Psycho Zero Queen, of you Super Psycho Zero Girls!”

The newly christened Super Psycho Zero Girls, all bend down on their knees, and they simultaneously say: “Our loyalty is only to you! Lead us to victory, and we shall CRUSH the Power Rangers!”

Vipera flashes a SLASHER smile, and she says: “MOST excellent! Drako! Find out where Usagi is right now! WE have some unfinished BUSINESS to attend to! NOBODY makes Vipera look like a FOOL and gets away with it!”

Drako says: “Of course not! I am on it, right away!”

Vipera looks to the immobilized Rangers, and she says: “And don't think you can stop us THIS time, or what happened to KENDRIX, will happen to you TO, TRAITOR Karone!!!!”

And with that, the Super Psycho Zero Girls, Vipera, Drako, and Baphomet, all warp back onto the Diabolic, and it disappears with warp speed! Alpha Six electronically says: “Omnus, we need your help right away!” /

At the Command Center, Omnus says: “Machiko, use one of your spells to remove the electricity surrounding Alpha Six and the Legendary Rangers!”

The former Queen Hedrian says: “Goodness! I didn't think I would have to utilize these new, GOOD magic spells so soon! What was it?! Hocus-pocus, abracadabra...whatever!”

And she simply ZAPS in random directions with her magic wand, and amazingly, it WORKS!!!! A flash of BLUE lightning comes and removes the white lightning surrounding the Legendary Rangers! Adam says: “Thank you, Omnus! We've got to warn Kira!”

Adam pushes his communicator, and he says: “Kira!” /

Kira reaches for her Dino Morpher, and pushes the communicator button, and she asks: “Adam, is that you? Why are you calling me?” /

Adam says: “We have a situation! Vipera has returned, and she's STRONGER than ever! And WORSE, she got her hands on PSYCHO serum! She USED it to revive and STRENGTHEN the Psycho Girls! They want REVENGE on Usagi! They may be coming!” /

Kira says: “Adam, you and Tommy are the only ones who have any SPARE emergency Ranger Powers! You better call Tommy and have him come meet you in Avila Beach, California! That's where I'm at! And you better come FAST!!!! The current Ranger team is STILL dealing with something, and I don't know how much longer they will be!”

Adam says: “Got it, Kira! We're practically on our way!”

Kira turns off her communicator, looks at the angry frozen, Radiguet/Ace, than she looks at the immobilized bodies of Alma, FireHawk, Captain Retro, and the Power Rangers. Kira says: “You all better come back here SOON, or you MIGHT not be able to come back at ALL!!!!” /

To Be Continued... /

Episode Notes: The Anthropomorphic D.O.G., reveals that he romantically loves BlackHawk, and BlackHawk returns the affection. Second time that Radiguet has DIRECTLY threatened the Power Rangers, and the first time he has done so in season two! Alma revives Ace's body, and Radiguet steals it in order to fight the Rangers! Vipera is restored and strengthened thanks to Doctor Maniac, and he also brings Drako and Baphomet back to life! Fuhrer Saturn meets the spirit of Dark Kaiser, absorbs him, and becomes Dark Fuhrer Saturn! He establishes an uneasy alliance with the Nazi Realm! It is revealed that D.O.G., is actually Captain Retro's older half-brother! Vipera captures and RESTORES Eva, Thea, Nena, and Hedy into becoming a newer, stronger version of the Zero Girls, becoming the Super Psycho Zero Girls! Featured song in this episode: “Head Games.”

Personal Notes: I was originally going to have “Head Games” be a separate episode from the two part “Vision Quest” episode sequence I had originally envisioned. However, this episode was starting to drag and last for too long for my tastes. So I decided to link the events of “Head Games”, with the rest of what I had envisioned for the “Vision Quest” two part sequence, so that it is now a three-part sequence! This way, I can write everything I wanted to write for “Head Games,” but not have it drag ON for however much longer it ends up lasting, and make my three part “Vision Quest” sequence be that much more epic! Needless to say, with the presence of the Super Psycho Zero Girls on the scene, there WILL be blood, soon, and it MAY NOT just be the BAD guys who shed it THIS time! / That's it for my episode today! Enough said for now, true believers!

[Goobz]

The Goofy Gooberz Show - S2 EP1 - Jjs’ Target Run

 

Jjs: Alright guys I got to go to Target who’s coming

Prez: OOH ME! ME! I FUCKING LOVE TARGET!

Jjs: Anyone else?

GoofyGooberz: OOH! IF PREZ LOVES TARGET, THEN I LIKE TARGET TOO!

Prez: Umm…

GoofyGooberz: 

Prez: ...

Jjs: Alright, last chance.

Patty: Can I go too?

Squiddy: Ooh, me too!

Jjs: Alright, get in.

Prez, GoofyGooberz, Squiddy, and Patty: *gets in jjs’ car* YAY THANKS JJS!

Jjs: Just let me drive happy, ok?

At Target…

Jjs: Okay, let’s see: eggs, milk, bread… wait a minute!

Jjs: We’re a forum for fucks sake!

Jjs: Oh well, I needed a break away from there anyways.

Prez: HEY LADY DO YOU HAVE ANY BUNNICULA DVD’S!? 

Cashier: I- I- I don’t know… ask her! *points at DVD stocker*
DVD Stocker: AW GODDAMNIT WHY DO YOU ALWAYS GIVE ME THE BUNNICULA GUY?!

Cashier: You work with the DVD’s bitch.

DVD Stocker: Oh yeah. Alright, come on, let’s check the back.

Prez: OOH BOY!   

GoofyGooberz: Got any SB DVD’s?

Electronics Worker: Nope, we’re out.

GoofyGooberz: WHAT. THE. FUCK?!

GoofyGooberz: HOW DARE YOU, I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW I CANNOT WAIT FOR A DVD TO COME AFTER ORDERING IT A WEEK AGO YOUPIECEOFSHITHOWDAREYOUASKTHATKINDOFQUESTIONYOUSTINGYSONOFABI-

Squiddy: Calm down, Goofy. By the way, do you guys have Sonic Unleashed?

Electronics Worker: No, we don’t. Also, don’t know why you would be looking for that game. It sucks ass lol!

Squiddy: HOWFUCKINGDAREYOUSAYTHATYOUDIRTYBASTAR-

GoofyGooberz: Tell me to calm down… hmph.

Patty: Hmm… this is a nice Target!

Patty: *looks down on floor and gaspes*

Patty: Aw! What a cute Amy plush!

Kid: *kicks Amy plush*

Kid: Ew, Amy.

Patty: …

Patty: *walks up to kid and taps his shoulder*

Kid: Huh?

Patty: Let’s go.

Kid: Where?

Patty: FIGHT. LET’S FIGHT!

Prez, Squiddy, and GoofyGooberz: *walks by Patty complaining about Target employees*

Prez, Squiddy, and GoofyGooberz: FIGHT! FIGHT! GET ‘EM PATTY! GET THAT LITTLE PUNK!
Patty: *runs to kid* YOU’RE GONNA GET IT NOW!

Kid: *runs away* AAAAHHHHH!!!

Patty: RRRRAAHHHHH! *kicks kid*

WHAM!

Kid: *flings to the other side of the store* TELL MY MOMMY I SPENT 200 DOLLARS ON HER CREDIT CARRRRrrddd….

Patty: No one talks shit about Amy.

Prez, Squiddy, GoofyGooberz: WOW! THAT WAS SO COOL PATTY! SHOW US YOUR MOVES BACK AT SBC!

Jjs: There you guys are-

Prez, Squiddy, GoofyGooberz, and Patty: Uh…

Security: Sir, did you have the responsibility of these people?

Jjs: Well, I am the admin and they are members and uh….

Security: Are members lower ranked?

Jjs: Yeah!

Security: Yeah, well you’re going to jail for child endangerment buddy.

Jjs: WHAT?! BUT, I DIDN’T EVEN, THEY AREN’T EVEN CHILDREN FOR GOD’S SAKE!

Security: Tell it to the judge, pal.

Jjs: Prez, Squiddy, GoofyGooberz, Patty!!!! When I get out of jail, I’ll, I’ll, I’LL-

Security: SHUT. IT.

Jjs: NOOOOOOOO!!!

Prez, Squiddy, GoofyGooberz, and Patty: *stare at each other*

Prez: We’re not children?

Squiddy: *shrugs*

 

The end

[4EverGreen]

Vision Quest Part II: Orange Sunset!
 

Captain Retro narrates and says: “Previously on Power Rangers Multiverse Force;BlackHawk and I both received an unwelcome vision. Radiguet, posing as one of the Chaos Gods, was manipulating Alma, to revive Ace's body, so that Radiguet could use it as a vessel, to invade and threaten our world! Despite our best efforts, we were unable to stop her in time! I began to do battle with the evil tyrant, only to be stopped by the psychic powers of Alma, when she decided that she needed to test the other Power Rangers, to see if they were ready to pass their various stages of not being in acceptance. Seeing no alternative, we agreed to her request. Seven of my friends have passed their tests so far, but three others remain. And the longer we stay in the realm of our minds, the greater the risk is, that there will be an attack by the force of evil against us! It is now a race against time, to see if my remaining Ranger friends can pass their tests, and prepare themselves for the next threat against Core Earth, before it is too late...”

Captain Retro, Usagi, FireHawk, and Alma arrive within a cold cave, which has the grave of a Goron in it, seen in “The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask. Usagi says: “Strange. Why has Alma taken us somewhere that's inside of a video game originally released in 2000?”

Captain Retro says: “Because this section of the game, actually revolves AROUND Bargaining, which is the main reason why Alma has taken us here. Isn't that right, Alma?”

Alma says: “Your perception is quite correct. Usagi and FireHawk, why do you continue to try to bargain your way out of a situation, that you KNOW you can't bargain your way out of?”

Usagi, looks down, and she says: “Truth be told, I never ASKED to be a super-hero, I never asked Queen Beryl to swear any kind of vengeance on me.”

Captain Retro says: “You didn't NEED to ask to become a super-hero, you were BORN to be one! The Emperor of Light chose YOU himself! You HAVE everything you NEED to defeat Queen Beryl AND Queen Metalia INSIDE of you! If you didn't, the Emperor of Light would NOT have chosen you to begin with!”

Usagi says: “Then tell me this; if I have the power inside of me, why is it do I not FEEL confident enough to express the power within myself?”

Captain Retro says: “True power comes NOT from wanting it BADLY enough; even RADIGUET has had to fight amongst MANY beings across the universe to get to become as powerful as he already has! True power doesn't even come from confidence! Truth be told, I may SEEM to be completely cool, calm, and collected on the outside, but inside, facing Radiguet, I'm really scared about what he could DO if we don't stop him!”

Usagi asks: “You're AFRAID as well?!”

Captain Retro says: “It's not just you. EVERYONE has something they're afraid of! But you want to know something? That's not a sign that you're weak, it's a sign that you're NORMAL!!!! True bravery doesn't come from NOT being afraid; true bravery comes from doing the things that HAS to be done, even in SPITE of the fact that you're afraid! You WILL be able to defeat your enemies when the time comes, and the power will come within you, to do what needs to be done!”

Usagi sighs, and she says: “You're right. It IS my destiny, but not because somebody else SAYS that it needs to be, it's because I CHOOSE to have this be my destiny, because it's the right thing to do!”

Alma says: “FireHawk, you're STILL trying to bargain with StarHawk, even after EVERYTHING you have done against her, and trying to increase your power through scrupulous methods. What do you hope to gain out, by DOING such nefarious deeds?”

FireHawk says: “My fellow Hawkians are FOOLS! There were ALL these Necrons laying DORMANT on our home planet! They had such POTENTIAL! But the elders wouldn't SEE the truth for themselves! That's why I HAD to awaken them, to SHOW them what they were capable of! And HOW did I get repaid for showing them the LIGHT?! I was BANISHED and EXILED from my planet, while my SISTER got to enjoy all the PERKS of being treated like a princess, for doing NOTHING!!!!”

Captain Retro asks: “You call, becoming the Phantom Ranger, and training with Demitria NOTHING?”

FireHawk says: “Demitria was a Grade A IDIOT!!!! She couldn't even defend HERSELF, let alone teach the SECOND team of Turbo Power Rangers how to successfully DEFEND against lame-brain Divatox! Killing her was PRACTICALLY a GIFT to the Universe, for getting RID of such a dead-weight!”

Captain Retro than forcibly GRABS FireHawk's left arm, and twists it HARD, causing even the normally steadfast FireHawk, to WINCE in PAIN!!!! Captain Retro seriously says: “During the Great Battle 10,000 years ago, against the forces of evil, Demitria helped Ninjor and Zordon more than YOU could ever know! My single greatest regret is that Divatox ZAPPED Demitria before Divatox was initially exiled from Planet Earth, which made Demitria the way she behaved to the Power Rangers!”

FireHawk is actually STUNNED, and she asks: “You mean it WASN'T Demitria's fault that she behaved so STRANGELY; and she could have been FIXED?!!! Now I feel AWFUL about what I did to Demitria, which is something I never thought I COULD feel about ANYONE, let alone, Demitria!”

Captain Retro says: “You should feel more AWFUL about the way you have treated your sister, StarHawk! She has looked up to you, she has TRUSTED you, even though she has SO many reasons as to WHY she shouldn't! And despite her trust, you continually plot and scheme behind her back, looking for ways you can get your hands on MORE Necrons when the opportunity arrives! I know all about your secret dealings with Queen Beryl and Ahminan, and how you've been offering to spy for them! You think you can keep your sister safe from THEM?! Well, you're WRONG!!!! You can't trust THEM to NOT attack your sister! They WILL attack, they WILL hurt her, and they WILL kill her if you let them have a CHANCE! And Doctor Maniac HIMSELF, won't STOP his blood-lust against the Power Rangers, and won't feel satisfied until he has managed to KILL at least ONE Power Ranger! Do you WANT it to be your sister, who SUFFERS for YOUR foolish mistakes?! Doctor Maniac has ALREADY sent out a revived Vipera, to do what you could NEVER do; capture 200 Necron soldiers, for him to control and command! You see, FireHawk, you were NEVER in control of what Queen Beryl could and couldn't do, no matter WHAT you told yourself! And now the one thing you claim to love, StarHawk, is in DANGER, because of your FOOLISH bargaining!”
 

FireHawk actually reels back in a combination of guilt, and HORROR, at what she has just found out! FireHawk desperately says: “I never meant to...put StarHawk's life in such danger! I wanted the strength to protect StarHawk myself! I never wanted her to be endangered by some alien freaks! No offense to YOU, of course!”

Captain Retro says: “If you TRULY mean that, than you need to be HONEST with StarHawk, stop trying to scheme behind everyone's back, and make things RIGHT with StarHawk while you still have a CHANCE! Don't let there be any parting word regrets between the two of you.”

FireHawk asks: “What do you mean by; parting word regrets?”

Captain Retro says: “If you TRULY love StarHawk, you need to MEAN what you say, while you still have an opportunity to do so! Only then, will your soul be at rest!”

FireHawk says: “Well, I don't know what my soul has to do with anything, but, I know that I DO love StarHawk, more than anyone else in the universe!”

Captain Retro says: “Than think about what would be best for HER, and NOT for yourself!”

FireHawk sighs, and says: “If that's what it takes to get StarHawk to trust me and love me again, than that's what I'm going to do.”

Alma says: “And with that, you have all passed Bargaining.” /

The four of them warp back into Head-quarters, where everyone else is waiting. Kras'hir asks: “Usagi, did you learn what you needed to learn?”

Usagi says: “Yes. I'm still nervous about what I need to do, but I realized that I'm going to have to rise above it, and summon my inner courage, for when the time comes to deal with both Queen Beryl, and Queen Metalia!”

Toby says: “Just remember; we'll all be by your side, so you won't have to do it alone!”

FireHawk, sighs, and says: “StarHawk, this isn't easy for me to say, but, I was wrong, in everything that I've done to you, and what I've tried to do, in trying to achieve greater power for myself. I cursed you with that lesbian hex, in order to make ME feel better about myself. I tried to control the Necrons, because I thought that would give me the power I thought that I wanted! I even thought I could handle Queen Beryl and Ahminan, so that they wouldn't harm you! But, I know now, that I can't trust them. I'm REALLY sorry about all the lies I've told you before! I know I don't deserve this, but it would mean a lot to me, if you could find it in your heart to forgive me, for everything I've done.”

StarHawk says: “Sister, that is ALL I ever wanted to hear from you! Of COURSE I forgive you!”

They hug each other, and FireHawk genuinely says: “I love you!”

StarHawk says: “I know.”

Captain Retro says: “Eh...still a better love story than Twilight...BARELY!”

Alma says: “Only one test left. Lettuce, I hope you're ready!” /

In Queen Beryl's spaceship, Doctor Maniac warps in, and in a falsetto, Spanish accent, he shouts: “Lucy, I'm HOME!!!!”

Ahminan says: “I'll NEVER understand you Earthlings and your fascination with pop culture references!”

Queen Beryl asks: “And WHO is Lucy?!”

Doctor Maniac says: “I thought for SURE that at least the ORIGINAL I Love Lucy airings would've reached YOUR galaxy by now! But, whatever! I'm here to announce that ALL of our problems will SOON be over! I've restored Vipera, and ordered her to use the Psycho serum on the Zero Girls! By now, they SHOULD already be transformed into the Super Psycho Zero Girls, and on their way to confront the Power Rangers! And they will not REST until they have KILLED someone! My plan on vengeance will be enacted VERY soon! And I will SAVOR it with McDonald's Mulan Szechuan McNugget sauce!”

Kunzite says: “Good! We can USE their antics, to power up the device that will RESTORE Queen Metalia!”

Mettzler says: “You mean you FINALLY got it fixed?!”

Benzite says: “Yes! We finally got it fixed! No thanks to Nephrite!”

Nephrite says: “I REALLY think this is too DANGEROUS what Doctor Maniac is doing! Everyone KNOWS the Psycho energy is unstable, ESPECIALLY when introduced into the bodies of soldiers who are already capable of transformation! Even RADIGUET is afraid of it! I think we should just call this whole invasion thing OFF!!!!”

Psygorn sarcastically says: “No, I have a BETTER idea! Why don't we turn ourselves into the Chaos Gods? Than we can ROT in that Hellish pit of the Demon realm until Core Earth enters a new Ice Age!”

Nephrite says: “I was JUST thinking...”

Farrah Cat says: “Doctor Maniac doesn't PAY you to think!”

Doctor Maniac says: “I'm not paying her at ALL!”

Meison says: “Same difference!”

Doctor Maniac says: “What do you think, Bionic Gorilla?”

Bionic Gorilla grunts, and says: “Nephrite's cowardice has disgusted ME, for the last time!”

Queen Beryl says: “It shames me to say this, but Doctor Maniac and HIS cohorts have a point, Nephrite! You have caused EVERYONE here NOTHING but delays, by dragging your feet, hesitating, and NOT performing to the BEST of your ability! You can't even create a decent YOUMA! I cannot tolerate cowardice and incompetence! Maybe you need to be punished just like Jaedite!”

Doctor Maniac says: “Hold up! I have a much better idea in mind!”

Fara says: “This ought to be good!”

Doctor Maniac says: “I'd like to perform an, 'experiment' on her. And if it WORKS, she will become much more USEFUL as a soldier on the field of battle! If it kills her, it's no skin off YOUR nose! But if it works, I can USE my invention to turn otherwise innocent humans into tools of WAR, and brainwash them into killing THEMSELVES!!!!”

Queen Beryl says: “That's DEMENTED!!!! I like IT!!!! Do what you will!”

Nephrite pleadingly says: “Please, Queen Beryl! Give me another chance!”

Queen Beryl says: “You HAD your chance, Nephrite!”

And Doctor Maniac grabs out a blow-gun, and blows a sinister looking DART into Nephrite's face! She quickly removes it, but it's apparent that the dart has already DONE it's job! Because Nephrite begins changing, from an untrustworthy looking woman with brown, spiky hair, wearing purple clothes, into a monstrous, pumped-up, giant-sized brown rat with torn, purple clothes! Doctor Maniac asks: “How do you like Nephrite NOW?! Or as I like to call her, NephRAT!!!!”

Queen Beryl says: “Very NICE!!!! She is definitely an improvement over her normal form!”

Doctor Maniac says: “And since the experiment didn't kill her, I will be able to utilize this SAME experiment, to transform HUMANS into monsters! My mutating blow-darts, will be able to turn humans, into a monstrous version of whichever animal, they have the CLOSEST relationship to!”

Kunzite says: “That explains why Nephrite turned into a rat, because she IS a rat!”

Benzite says: “That's my GIRLFRIEND you're talking about!”

Farrah Cat says: “You'll get over it! Besides, if she fails, I'm eating her for DINNER if the Power Rangers don't DESTROY her first!”

Doctor Maniac says: “With Nephrat's new skills, it probably won't come to that. She WILL help the Super Psycho Zero Girl's destroy one of the Rangers, and maybe PERMANENTLY knock out the REST if we're REALLY lucky! Our moment of glory is at hand!”

Queen Beryl says: “And Queen Metalia's revival is ALL but assured! Send her down, NOW!”

Doctor Maniac says: “With PLEASURE!!!!” And Doctor Maniac shoots a warping gun at her, making her disappear out of sight!

Ahminan says: “Soon all of our troubles will be over. Sailor Moon will be gone, and we will make SWEET love to each other, over the BURNT remains of her CORPSE!!!!”

Queen Beryl says: “I just LOVE it when you whisper sweet nothings into my ears!” /

Kira looks up startled, as the Super Psycho Zero Girls suddenly swoop in! Kira says: “Here they come!”

Adam says: “And so are WE!”

And Adam, Rocky, and Tommy suddenly jump in, with Adam wearing black, Rocky wearing red, and Tommy also wearing red! Tommy asks: “Rocky, what are you doing here?!”

Rocky says: “Billy was monitoring the situation, and he thought it might be a good idea if I helped! You guys aren't the ONLY ones with spare Ranger powers, you know!”

Super Psycho Zero 01 says: “You foolish Rangers are no match for us! Why don't you TRY to take us on?!”

Tommy smiles, and he says: “I was hoping you'd say that! Are you ready?”

Rocky says: “Always! It's Morphing Time!!!!” /

Rocky gets an upgraded morph, just like Adam's from “Once a Ranger”, and he says: “Tyrannosaurus!” And the Tyrannosaurus Red Dragon Thunderzord soars over a cracking Earth, filled with hot magma, as a volcano spewing lava, erupts in the distance, as Rocky morphs into the Mighty Morphing Red Ranger! / Adam says: “Mastodon!” And he utilizes his special, upgraded morph, seen in “Once a Ranger,” morphing into the Mighty Morphing Black Ranger! / Tommy says: “Shift into Turbo!” And Tommy appears in a desert, and his Red Lightning Turbo zord zooms in as he morphs into the Red Turbo Ranger! Tommy says: “Red Lightning Turbo Power!” /

And the three Power Rangers say: “Power Rangers!”

Nephrat, in her new, monstrous form, jumps in, and she says: “Do you think that we're impressed by THAT?! Don't make me LAUGH!!!! We'll finish YOU, and your fellow Power Rangers!”

Adam says: “You'll have to get past us, first! Kira, you better make sure everyone in Avila Beach is safe! This could get dangerous! We'll take care of the current Power Rangers!”

Kira gets on her Dino Thunder motorcycle, and as she rides away, she shouts: “Don't get yourself KILLED, you guys!”

Tommy says: “Death is not an option!” /

In Head-quarters, Captain Retro's eyes suddenly open wide, and he horrifyingly says: “Oh, no! They're here EARLY!!!!”

Naruto asks: “Who's here?!”

Captain Retro says: “The Super Psycho Zero Girls! That COWARD, Doctor Maniac got Vipera to use the dreaded Psycho formula on them to turn the Zero Girls into super-powered, Psycho versions of themselves! They won't stop until they're DEAD!”

Toby says: “I can't believe this is happening, though I can't say I'm surprised at this, given how this is Doctor Maniac we're talking about!”

Captain Retro says: “I've got to get the rest of you OUT of here so that Adam and the others have an actual CHANCE against them!”

Pinkie says: “But what about Lettuce?! He STILL has to go through his test! He can't do it alone!”

Captain Retro says: “You can help him, Pinkie! You're the one and ONLY one who can!”

Pinkie, slightly unsure, still simply nods, and says: “I know. Somehow, I've always known.”

Captain Retro says: “You help Lettuce out, we'll deal with the Super Psycho Zero Girls!”

Alma says: “Right!”

Captain Retro starts to head for the vortex exit, but he suddenly freezes, and he shouts: “STOP!!!!”

Ebony asks: “What is it now?!”

Captain Retro gazes into SOMETHING with his green, prophetic vision, but he doesn't move from his spot or express any emotion, by what he is seeing. Captain Retro simply says: “ONE of YOU, will SOON die, and there's nothing I can do, to STOP it!”

Usagi asks: “NOTHING?!!!”

Captain Retro shakes his head, and the vision stops! Captain Retro says: “Sorry! I can only see a few PAGES into the future! Most of it is just a blur right now, I can't make out any other details clearly! But when something IMPORTANT comes into focus, I HAVE to tell anyone who might be involved about it!”

StarHawk asks: “What are we going to do?”

FireHawk says: “We're going to FIGHT, like always! If they want to get to you, they're going to have to go through ME, first!”

BlackHawk says: “Are you saying that you REALLY love your sister THAT much?!”

FireHawk defiantly says: “I would DIE for her!”

BlackHawk seriously says: “Well in that case, I don't have to worry about YOUR safety than, do I?”

Kras'hir asks: “Do you really trust Captain Retro to be accurate about this?”

BlackHawk says: “I would trust him with my life! Captain Retro has never gotten anything wrong before, he never lies, and he has no intention of lying, or being wrong now or ever!”

Captain Retro says: “That is true! Pinkie, I leave this in your care! Good luck!”

And Captain Retro, Kras'hir, FireHawk, and the other Power Rangers except for Pinkie and Lettuce, exit the mind vortex! Alma says: “Pinkie, Lettuce, it's time. Come with me through the vortex to finish the final test.”

Lettuce just depressingly says: “Oh, I sure hope Captain Retro KNOWS what he's doing!”

Pinkie says: “Of course he does! I mean, I sure certainly HOPE he does!” And all three of them enter into the vortex that Alma has created. /

Captain Retro, FireHawk, and the other Power Rangers appear back on the beach in Avila Beach! But Captain Retro is REALLY surprised to see Nephrite looking like a mutated rat! Captain Retro says: “WOAH!!!! Looks like I REALLY made the right call THIS time! Doctor Maniac has gotten his mutating process perfected! Nephrite is now a monster!”

Usagi asks: “And that's a BAD thing, right?”

Captain Retro says: “Let me put it this way. In her normal, human-esque form, Nephrite was a cowardly joke. But in this mutant RAT form, she's actually fairly COMPETENT!”

Super Psycho Zero Girl 02 says: “You can't POSSIBLY fight us off! You will DIE if you try!”

StarHawk says: “You don't know what you're DOING! Remember, you LEFT Vipera! You MAIMED her! You wanted nothing to DO with her! Remember what you PROMISED Usagi, and you'll FIND the truth!”

Vipera chuckles derisively, and she says: “I don't think THAT stunt will work on them! You see, the Psycho serum is too deeply ingrained into their D.N.A., for any words but MINE to work on them!”

Naruto says: “Vipera! I should have EXPECTED you find some way to come BACK! Did the not-so-good DOCTOR fix you up?!”

Vipera chuckles gleefully, and she says: “Isn't it obvious? I've got a full body make-over, and now I've got powers you've never even DREAMED of!”

FireHawk angrily says: “We dismembered you ONCE!!!! We'll do it AGAIN!!!! FIREBALL!!!!”

And before anyone can blink, FireHawk SHOOTS a flaming ball of fire at Vipera's left arm, incinerating it upon contact! FireHawk says: “All too easy!”

Vipera says: “You'd THINK so, wouldn't you?!”

And to the horror of ALL the good guys, her left arm starts REGENERATING itself right before their eyes, looking completely BRAND new! Toby says: “Oh, CRAP!!!! She's inherited some form of reptilian regenerative abilities from the serum Doctor Maniac gave her!”

Ebony says: “So shooting off her limbs won't work. Why don't we TRY chopping off her HEAD?!!!”

Vipera says: “I'm not going to give you FOOLS the chance! Get THEM!!!!”

Radiguet/Ace suddenly chuckles, and he says: “I think you're FORGETTING something!”

Kras'hir looks on in horror, and she says: “Not NOW!!!!”

And Radiguet/Ace, through SHEER will-power, finally BLOWS away the electric force barrier that's been keeping him in place! Nephrite, though now transformed into a STRONGER form, is STILL afraid of Radiguet's capabilities! Nephrat says: “Not Radiguet! He'll DESTROY us all!”

Queen Beryl's face suddenly appears in the sky, and she says: “Nephrite, you are NOT leaving this fight!”

Nephrat says: “But Radiguet is TOO powerful! He could kill us ALL! I have to get--!”

Queen Beryl screams: “NO!!!! I will NOT tolerate FAILURE and COWARDICE from YOU anymore! You WILL stay, you WILL fight, and you WILL win!”

Captain Retro says: “You'll have to get past all of US, first!”

Tommy asks: “What's the plan?”

Captain Retro says: “I'll handle Radiguet/Ace, I'm the only one who can. StarHawk and FireHawk, you protect Alma, and the comatose bodies of Pinkie and Lettuce, if they're destroyed, they can't come back from Head-quarters! Usagi, you handle Nephrite's new monster form, since you've had EXPERIENCE against her! Everyone else, pick a target, and DON'T STOP FIGHTING!!!!”

Nephrat gets her nerve back, and she says: “I can handle USELESS in my monster form easily enough!”

Usagi angrily says: “The name's USAGI!!!!”

And Usagi starts running into Nephrat HARD, punching and KICKING her with an IMMENSE amount of force! Radiguet/Ace evilly says: “Captain Retro, you're mine!”

Captain Retro says: “I'm sorry about what I'm about to do, BlackHawk! But it HAS to be done!”

BlackHawk sighs, and he says: “I understand.”

And Captain Retro flies forward, and starts to drive against Radiguet/Ace, parrying against him, as Radiguet/Ace attempts to BLOCK his every attack! And while he's succeeding, he's CLEARLY wincing with every blow Captain Retro lands against him! Super Psycho Zero 03 says: “Super Psycho Zero Girls, ATTACK!!!!”

And as soon as she says that, a BUNCH of Imps, AND MechaClones jump in! Rocky says: “Just what we needed to see! The GOON squad!”

Tommy says: “Just follow my lead! I've fought against the MechaClones before! They're not THAT different from the Putties and Cogs we used to fight!”

Adam says: “Just focus on the REAL monsters! We'll get these guys!”

Super Psycho Zero 04 says: “That's fine! That means the REAL Rangers are all for US!!!!”

And Super Psycho Zero 01 begins attacking against Ebony, Super Psycho Zero 02 begins attacking Kras'hir, Super Psycho Zero 03 begins attacking Toby, Super Psycho Zero 04 begins attacking Naruto, and Vipera begins attacking BlackHawk! BlackHawk says: “I'm surprised to see the LEADER of the group trying to fight against me! I thought you would go for one of the RED Rangers!”

Vipera says: “Rocky was NEVER a leader! Naruto is no LONGER the leader! And even I'M not STUPID enough to try to take Tommy on by myself! Let's just say this is PAYBACK for the thrashing you gave Baphomet during that Mustang Sally business!”

BlackHawk says: “What I can't understand, is why you villains can NEVER just take your bitterness, and do something more constructive with it! Like, create some angst-filled ART paintings, or something!”

Vipera angrily says: “Don't tell ME what to do!”

Toby says: “Pinkie and Lettuce, you better hurry up and get yourselves OUT here!” /

Alma, takes Pinkie and Lettuce, to the ruined town of Mobliz, from “Final Fantasy VI Advance,” AFTER the ruination of the world in the game! Pinkie asks: “Why have you taken us to this 32 bit video game?”

Alma says: “This is the scene of one of the most depressing tragedies, to ever occur in a video game. I think it's a pretty fitting place, for us to deal with the depression that Lettuce is facing.”

Lettuce just sighs, and he says: “Kira rejected me. How can I go on?”

Alma says: “I know it hurts. Believe me, I've been going through my own journey with you guys. I was ANGRY before, because of what I've gone through in my life. But your friends have shown me, that it IS possible, to deal with your anger, and move ON from it! Also, your other friends, some of them were trying to turn to bargaining, to try to make their problems go away. But they realized that there are problems that you CAN'T bargain away! You have to deal with them head-on!”

Lettuce asks: “But how do you make something as strong as depression, just go away?”

Pinkie says: “Lettuce, I was WRONG to be afraid of sex before! I'm sorry I shut you out! I wasn't ready to hear the truth! But I got some sense knocked into me, and I've got the BRUISE to prove it!”

Lettuce asks: “So, what's the truth that I'm supposed to learn here? What great lesson can I learn from being rejected by Kira Ford?”

Alma says: “Look, I know it hurts to be shot down by someone you thought cared for you. To learn, that they didn't feel the same way about you, that you did about them. But being depressed about it isn't going to solve anything. You have to move on from it. Depression, isn't going to fight Radiguet/Ace, only the Power Rangers can!”

And a GREAT cracking in the mental realm is heard by all three of them! Pinkie shouts, and cries: “What was THAT?!!!”

Lettuce says: “You know SOMETHING has got to be wrong when PINKIE Pie is worried, because she's NEVER worried!”

Alma says: “I was SO focused on trying to solve YOUR problems, I forgot to keep reinforcing the barrier that had been surrounding Radiguet/Ace! He must have broken FREE!”

Pinkie angrily says: “You should have LET us KILL him when we had the CHANCE!!!!”

Alma says: “I'm SORRY! I didn't think this would HAPPEN! But I can't let you out until Lettuce has learned his lesson!”

Pinkie asks: “Can't, or won't?”

Lettuce says: “Pinkie, this is no time for semantics! If Alma says she can't, than she can't! Whatever reason she may have!”

Pinkie asks: “Lettuce, you can't HONESTLY tell me you're taking HER side?!”

Lettuce sighs, and says: “Look, Pinkie. This whole mess with Alma STARTED, because we JUDGED her, based on purely observational information, from someone who had not SEEN her, in quite a good, long while! Alma IS a powerful psychic, but she's STILL just a little girl! She was young, scared, and frankly, just plain terrified of us! Wouldn't YOU be, if you saw eight costumed fighters, and one cranky Hawkian, walking through what WAS her house in the middle of the night?!”

Pinkie asks: “What are you saying, Lettuce?”

Lettuce says: “All I'm saying is, like it or not, we messed UP in trying to handle the situation the way we did! We TRIED to resort to destroying it, when what we SHOULD have done to begin with, is to try to understand it! That's why Captain Retro was MAD with BlackHawk! That's why he was upset; because we didn't explore that option!”

Pinkie says: “We didn't even think it WAS an option!”

Lettuce says: “Well, now we DO know it is an option, in certain circumstances like THAT one! But I think I see what the whole point of this test was! Denial, anger, bargaining, depression; none of THOSE things are going to help us solve the problem at hand! All we can do is ACCEPT what has happened, move on from it, and keep the lessons we have LEARNED from all this, to do better in the future!”

Alma gasps, and she says: “You did it. You actually passed the test! I didn't think it was possible, for anyone, let alone, a whole group of people, to get past all their individual hang-ups!”

Pinkie asks: “So you're going to let us go now, right? You promised!”

Alma says: “You all got over all of YOUR problems, but what about MINE?! My father is DEAD, he USED me as his scientific play-thing; I indirectly caused all of YOU to be hated throughout Coastal Falls, and I brought that CREEP Radiguet to Core Earth, in the body of BlackHawk's father! How am I supposed to DEAL with that?!”

Lettuce says: “You saw how all of US dealt with OUR problems, you can use the SAME principle to deal with yours! Besides, Radiguet TRICKED you into doing that! It wasn't really YOUR fault! You can SHOW him that you're not going to STAND for being tricked! You can fight against him, you can STILL do the right thing, by Blackhawk, by the Power Rangers, by everyone.”

Alma sighs, and she says: “You're right. I KNOW what I have to do! Stay close to me, I'm going to take us back to the physical world!” /

And Pinkie and Lettuce each grab one of Alma's hands, and she warps them out of the Mental Realm, and they all wake up back in the physical world! Ebony looks back at them, and she says: “Speak of the Blood God, Toby! Lettuce and Pinkie are BACK!”

Lettuce says: “Sorry we're late! We've got some business to take care of! Pinkie, help the Legendary Rangers take out those annoying Imps and MechaClones, so they can help the others fight some of the Super Psycho Zero Girls!”

Pinkie says: “With pleasure!”

And using her super speed, and her Plasma Pistol, Pinkie quickly RACES around all the Imps and MechaClones, taking all of them out with just one blast of her gun! Rocky says: “Wow! That was AMAZING! Thanks, Pinkie!”

Pinkie says: “No problem!”

Lettuce says: “I'll help Usagi take out Nephrite!”

Usagi is clearly causing damage to Nephrat, but Nephrat is STILL getting back up and coming back for more! Nephrat derisively says: “Not so ANGRY without the BLOOD GOD to fill your BLOOD Lust anymore, HUH, USAGI?! Face the facts, Sailor Moon! Without the Blood God, you're NOTHING!!!!”

Lettuce says: “She's EVERYTHING!!!!”

And Lettuce leaps from high up, and slams Nephrat's mutated body with his hammer! Nephrat yells: “AHHH!!!! What have you DONE to me?!”

Lettuce says: “I've set her up, now YOU can make the finishing blow!”

Usagi says: “You've got it! Heavenly LIGHT of the EMPEROR!!!!”

And Usagi fires a HUGE beam of pure, white energy at Nephrat! Nephrat yells: “NO! Not ME!!!!”

And with just ONE blow, Nephrat blows up into chunks, and Lettuce says: “That's a bad guy for you. No sooner do you get to know them, than they just fall ALL into PIECES over you!” /

Doctor Maniac growls angrily, and he says: “Nephrat, you have NOT finished your purpose YET!!!! Meison, activate the BIGGA Ray!” /

The Bigga Ray starts coming down toward Core Earth, and Radiguet/Ace says: “Here's my CHANCE!!!!”

Alma yells: “STOP!!!!”

And Alma FREEZES Radiguet/Ace again, preventing him from INTERCEPTING the Bigga Ray, and it HITS Nephrat's remains as intended! Nephrat says: “Now THIS is the kind of power I've been seeking!”

Radiguet/Ace bitterly says: “You insolent BRAT!!!! You got in the WAY!!!! I'm going to torture you inch by BLOODY INCH!!!!”

And Radiguet/Ace BREAKS free, and starts charging toward her, only for Captain Retro to grab him, and keep him from charging forward! Alma says: “Captain Retro, hold him still! I'm going to get RID of Radiguet, and expel his WICKEDNESS out of Ace's body!”

BlackHawk shouts: “But what will happen to Ace?!”

Alma sighs, and she says: “Ace will live. I'm going to sacrifice MY life, so that Ace can TRULY be brought to life, once again! That's how I will make things right with you. A life, for a life.”

Radiguet/Ace sneers, and he says: “You won't go THROUGH with it! You don't HAVE the GUTS!!!!”

Captain Retro says: “As usual, you underestimate the capacity to which SOME will carry out justice! But even if I WANTED to, it's not in MY place to finish you off here or now; but your day WILL come someday, Radiguet! And it will come when it is MOST inconvenient for you! Alma, do it, NOW!!!!”

Alma closes her eyes and chants: “Weebo, reebo, tick-tock. Weebo, zeebo, zip, zap, ZAG!!!! AHHH!!!!”

And Alma's spirit materializes and LEAVES her body, and ZOOMS forward into Ace's body! Radiguet, with only his own voice, screams: “NO!!!! Your presence is too MUCH!!!! I can't, keep, HOLD!!!! UHHH!!!!”

And Radiguet's evil energy is FORCED out of Ace's body, and zooms BACK towards his spaceship! But Radiguet's voice shouts out: “I'll come BACK to TORTURE you!!!!”

Captain Retro sighs, and he says: “You WILL be back! But, we will be a LOT stronger, the NEXT time, you try to fight us!” /

In Radiguet's space-ship, Radiguet's physical energy re-enters his body, and he wakes up, with LOADS of bitterness and angst towards the Rangers! Radiguet angrily says: “Blast that meddling Captain Retro! Blast that meddling Alma! She MESSED with the WRONG space tyrant! The only thing, I'm glad about, is she had to sacrifice her own life, in order to DO it!”

Tranza comes in, and he asks: “Back so soon, master? Did you forget something?”

Radiguet sighs, and says: “Merely a temporary setback. I didn't destroy the Power Rangers today, but I did learn something important, in regards as to WHY my Dark Mirror Dimension self fell so EASILY to the Power Rangers!”

Tranza asks: “What did you learn?”

Radiguet says: “As hard as it is to believe, there ARE some beings in this universe, who will willingly sacrifice their OWN lives, just to make SURE that I DON'T win!!!! We'll just have to start keeping track on the kinds of creatures that are willing to do that, so THEY never get a CHANCE to! Am I RIGHT, Tranza?!”

Tranza says: “You are correct, as usual, master.”

Radiguet sighs, and says: “Shall we continue on our course, to Edenoi?”

Tranza says: “Better not waste your time, Radiguet. I just intercepted some interesting news. It seems as though the planet is dying, and they've already sent their Champion, Masked Rider, to Core Earth to become another hero. I expect that Count Dregon and his creeps will pursue him, for their own evil purposes. Do you want to destroy him and usurp his powers?!”

Radiguet says: “Those little INSECTS?! They're NOT even worth the TIME, let alone the energy, it would take to pursue and destroy them! They're small BEANS compared to what we're TRULY after! Change our course! We'll instead go to the dimension of thePower Rangers R.P.M.! And if the Venjix Virus hasn't finished them OFF yet, I most certainly WILL!”

Tranza says: “A most wise decision, as usual!”

Radiguet, takes one last glance, as if LOOKING for Core Earth, even though it's nowhere in sight from his current position. Radiguet simply says: “Mark my words, you haven't seen the last of ME, Power Rangers! I WILL come back to Core Earth again! And when I do, you BETTER be prepared to face against me! Because play-time will be OVER, once I come back again! Count on it!”

And Radiguet's space-ship turns around, and heads for the dimension of the “Power Rangers R.P.M.!” /

Alma's spiritual energy flows around Ace, purifying it of the evilness that once plagued him. It heals him of all his wounds; and soon enough, it dissipates. Ace shakes his head, and with a sense of familiarity, he asks: “Where am I? How did I end up here?”

BlackHawk shouts: “Look out!”

And Nephrat tries to CRUSH Ace, but Captain Retro QUICKLY grabs him and zooms him out of harms way! Ace asks: “What's going on here?! And why am I naked?!”

Captain Retro says: “There's no time to explain! I've got to get you out of here! Someone needs to take care of Nephrat!”

StarHawk says: “I can take care of that! I call on the Delta Megazord!!!!”

And through the vast reaches of space, the Delta Megazord zooms forward, and StarHawk jumps into it! Nephrat says: “So, it's just me, against the PRETTY Hawkian! This will be easy!”

FireHawk angrily says: “How DARE you imply that only StarHawk is a pretty--!”

Super Psycho Zero 01 says: “An OPENING!!!!” /

And before anyone can BLINK, Super Psycho Zero 01 sticks a glowing SPEAR of pulsating evil energy, STRAIGHT through FireHawk's heart! Rocky screams: “NO!!!!!!!!”

And Super Psycho Zero 02, 03, and 04, quickly turn around, and VICIOUSLY knock Naruto, Toby, and Ebony to the ground, de-morphing them with just one blow! As FireHawk falls to the ground, Super Psycho Zero 01 turns to Pinkie, and points to HER, indicating that SHE'S next! Lettuce gets in front of her, and determinedly says: “Not my Pinkie, you BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!”

And with a FIRE of determination he has NEVER felt before, Lettuce charges FORWARD with his Hammer, able to hold his own, even AGAINST Super Psycho Zero 01 and her super-powered spear! Adam says: “Somebody HELP FireHawk!”

Vipera asks: “But how can you do that, if you can't even help YOURSELVES?!”

And she blasts a POWERFUL blast of lightning at the Legendary Power Rangers, but Naruto, Toby, and Ebony INTERCEPT it, taking the BLAST for them! Vipera screams: “You little BRATS!!!! You got in the WAY!!!!”

A surge of energy enters into the bodies of Naruto, Toby, and Ebony, DAMAGING their Morphers in the process, as they are propelled BACKWARDS into the side of a rocky hill! Pinkie angrily says: “You're SO despicable!!!!”

And she FIRES a Plasma Pistol at Vipera's head, but her hand QUICKLY shoots up, and grabs it, as she is propelled some feet backwards! Pinkie cautiously goes up to her, wondering if Vipera is truly knocked out, but Vipera's hands fall down to the ground, and REVEALS that she CONTAINED the blast of Pinkie's Plasma Pistol in her hands! Vipera asks: “Did you think THAT piddly weapon was ACTUALLY going to hurt ME now?! You guys are ALWAYS in my way! This is IT!!!! I'm taking YOU out once and for all!”

A bleating voice says: “Not on MY watch!!!!”

And a familiar Fleecian jumps in, and KICKS Vipera several feet away! Toby says: “Woolbur Fleeceley! Are we ever GLAD to see you!”

Woolbur says: “I got over to the construction site to help Karone and the others rebuild Coastal Falls. But when Karone informed me of the situation, I knew that I had to help!”

FireHawk wearily says: “StarHawk, HELP...me!”

Nephrat evilly says: “You'll have to deal with ME first!”

And Nephrat starts firing crimson red laser BEAMS out of her eyes at random targets, not CARING if it hits friend or foe! Seeing that Nephrat means business, StarHawk sighs and says: “I wish it could be different, Sister. But the safety of the MANY, must come before the safety of the FEW! Or the ONE! I will STOP you!!!!”

Nephrat says: “Hit me with your BEST shot!”

StarHawk says: “I will!!!! Energy FIST!!!!”

And a glowing ray radiates from the left hand of the Delta Megazord, and FIRES in the shape of a fist; knocking some SENSE into Nephrat! StarHawk says: “Shooting Star Attack!”

And she fires a bunch of small, energy stars at Nephrat, damaging her MORE!!!! StarHawk says: “Buzz Saw Cut Spin!!!!”

And the Delta Megazord curls up into a ball, and begins SPINNING like Sonic the Hedgehog! It charges forward, and SLICES Nephrat into two! Nephrat screams: “Forgive me, my QUEEN!!!! Avenge ME!!!!”

And Nephrat's body falls forward, and EXPLODES!!!! StarHawk fiercely says: “No one messes with MY sister, and ESPECIALLY not my WIFE!!!!” /

Queen Beryl's face appears in the air, and she angrily says: “Super Psycho Zero Girls, those BRATS DESTROYED my LOYAL servant! NOW, I have GOTTEN REALLY angry!!!! KILL THEM; NOW!!!!”

And the Super Psycho Zero Girls, get FILLED with blood-rage, and start attacking with HYPER ferocity! Vipera chuckles at Usagi, and she says: “Now you're in for it! My work is all done, HERE!!!! Later...oh, WAIT!!!! I guess there won't BE a later! Will there, LOSERS?!!!”

And Vipera warps away! Super Psycho Zero 02, says: “Vipera LEFT us!”

Super Psycho Zero 01, says: “Forget HER! We don't NEED her! I can FINISH off ALL the Power Rangers, all by MYSELF!!!!”

BlackHawk angrily says: “I won't let you! FireHawk may not have been trustworthy, but she was STILL one of us, despite all her flaws! You think you're so STRONG, why don't you take ME on?!”

Ace shouts: “Don't do it! It's too DANGEROUS!!!!”

BlackHawk says: “I just got you BACK! I lost you ONCE, DAD!!!! I'm not going to LOSE you AGAIN!!!!”

Ace asks: “BlackHawk, is that YOU?!”

Captain Retro says: “No time to explain!!!!”

And Captain Retro grabs him, and zooms toward Naruto, Ebony, and Toby, and throws a force field around all of them! Captain Retro says: “Usagi, Kras'hir, Pinkie, Lettuce, Woolbur, Adam, Tommy, StarHawk, beat the other Super Psycho Zero Girls off! BlackHawk will take care of Super Psycho Zero 01!”

Pinkie asks: “Alone?!”

Kras'hir asks: “But what about FireHawk?!”

Captain Retro says: “Rocky, get FireHawk back to the Command Center! It's the only safe place!”

Rocky grabs hold of FireHawk's wounded body, and FireHawk weakly says: “No need, to show any pity on ME! StarHawk, I was a FOOL, to think I could control the Necrons! Once I'm gone, Vipera will SURELY be able to gain control over them, and do what I never could!”

StarHawk says: “Don't talk like that! You're going to be fine! You're going to get better, and we'll destroy the Necrons ourselves!”

FireHawk smiles, and she says: “I...know you will. StarHawk, find someone...be it man, or woman, who will treat you, with all the respect, you deserved from me. I...love...you.”

And she collapses unconscious in Rocky's arms, and she is no longer breathing or moving. StarHawk gasps, and just hollowly says: “I know.”

Rocky groans, and he says: “Zordon is going to have a field day when he hears THIS one!”

And Rocky warps to the Command Center with FireHawk's body! /

BlackHawk beats Super Psycho Zero 01 into a cave in the hill side! Super Psycho Zero 01 laughs derisively, and she says: “Do you think BEATING me is going to make a bit of a DIFFERENCE?! FireHawk is DEAD!!!! Destroying me will NOT bring her back to life, the way Kendrix was restored!”

BlackHawk says: “It's not ABOUT saving FireHawk's life, it's about exacting justice!”

Super Psycho Zero 01 says: “You are a FOOL to challenge ME with your out-dated powers! You KNOW the power of the Spinosaurus is INFERIOR to my Psycho serum energy! I'm all-powerful compared to you!”

BlackHawk says: “I'm not some pushover the way FireHawk was! I DO have the power to take you out!”

Super Psycho Zero 01 asks: “The question is, does the power of the Orange Ruby, have the ability to keep up with YOU?!!! You KNOW I'm speaking the truth; this fight is wearing you DOWN; you're trying to GET more energy from the Orange Ruby, but it's already STRAINED to its maximum potential! If you keep pushing, you'll destroy the Orange Ruby AND yourself in the process! Do you WANT to DIE for NOTHING, you FOOL?! Is THAT what you WANT?!!!”

BlackHawk defiantly says: “You're the FOOL!!!! Even if that IS the truth, I'm NOT going to let it STOP me from destroying you, so it doesn't really MATTER, now, DOES it?!!!”

BlackHawk thinks to himself, and in his inner mind, he says: “The truth of the matter is, this fight IS wearing me down! But I can't give up the fight. My dad never gave up, no matter HOW hopeless the fight seemed! Super Psycho Zero 01 has got an edge on me. Power, stamina, speed, skill. And the Orange Ruby is maxed out to its limit! But I CAN'T give up! I HAVE to push for more! This won't be the end for me! I DECIDE, when I'm DONE!!!!”

And charging forward with renewed intensity, even though it causes his Orange Ruby to glow and rattle around his neck, BlackHawk KEEPS pushing forward! /

Woolbur says: “I think we could use a little extra fire power!” He pulls out his S.P.D. Morph device, and says: “S.P.D., emergency!” And he does his traditional morph, into the S.P.D. Green Ranger!

Super Psycho Zero 03 says: “Another Ranger for us to destroy! How fascinating!”

Adam says: “We'd NEVER let you destroy a Ranger so easily! Power Ax!”

Tommy says: “Turbo Sword!”

Pinkie says: “Plasma Pistol!”

Woolbur says: “S.P.D. Blaster!”

StarHawk fiercely says: “Phantom Blaster!”

Lettuce says: “Heavy Hammer!”

Usagi says: “Staff of Light!”

Kras'hir says: “And my trusty sword!”

Captain Retro says: “This is your last chance, Thea, Nena, and Hedy, surrender, NOW!!!!”

Super Psycho Zero 02, says: “Those NAMES, no longer have any meaning to us!”

Captain Retro sighs, and he says: “Than the Rangers have no choice! FIRE!!!!”

And they do so, unleashing everything they've got against the Super Psycho Zero Girls! When the smoke clears, they're STILL standing, but a good CHUNK of their armor has been BLASTED off! Usagi says: “It wasn't enough! Fire again!!!!”

Super Psycho Zero 04 says: “We can't take another blast like that! RETREAT!!!!”

Super Psycho Zero 03 says: “Right!”

And they warp just MERE seconds before another power blast can hit them! Tommy says: “CRUD!!!! We almost HAD them!” /

Super Psycho Zero 01, is pounding BlackHawk around, knocking him with her powerful energy spear! Super Psycho Zero 01 says: “What's the matter? Out of power, Power Ranger?!”

BlackHawk says: “You don't even know the true MEANING of the word, power! If you knew the Guardians like I do...”

Super Psycho Zero 01 says: “The CRIMSON KING doesn't BELIEVE that the Guardians will be able to do anything to STOP him! And NEITHER can you, or ROLAND!!!!”

BlackHawk says: “Than Eva is TRULY dead!”

Super Psycho Zero 01 says: “Is this the part where I'm supposed to be SCARED?! You've got NOTHING left to fight against me with!!!!”

BlackHawk is breathing heavily, and he yells: “Yes, I DO!!!!”

And he charges up even MORE, but it begins to CRACK the Orange Ruby! /

Captain Retro turns around, and he shouts: “STOP!!!! BlackHawk! It's too MUCH!!!! If you continue to DRAW power from the Oranger Ruby, it will--!!” /

But BlackHawk is filled with too much adrenaline, and screams: “Electric Sabre!!!!”

And with ALL his available energy, he drives FORWARD, right THROUGH Super Psycho Zero 01, and STABS her RIGHT through the heart!!!!

Super Psycho Zero 01 gasps, and she says: “If I go down, I'm taking you WITH ME!!!!”

And Super Psycho Zero 01 EXPLODES herself in a MASSIVE explosion!!!! BlackHawk, already exhausted BEYOND the point of being able to escape, can only BRACE himself in futility! The explosion THROWS him backwards, and his Orange Ruby SHATTERS into three distinct pieces, and his costume AND clothes are completely burned OFF by the explosion, as the cave collapses around him! /

Ebony and StarHawk simultaneously shout: “BlackHawk!!!!”

Everyone runs forward to the collapsed in cave! Woolbur asks: “What are we going to do?!”

Captain Retro says: “Stand back! Kamehameha!!!!”

And Captain Retro blasts a hole through the debris, opening the way back into the cave! Captain Retro says: “Wait here!”

And Captain Retro rushes in! Ace looks at Ebony and StarHawk, and he asks both of them: “Are YOU, BlackHawk's girlfriends?!”

StarHawk says: “Kind of...now that FireHawk's Lesbian hex is no longer in effect.”

Ebony says: “Sort of...especially if BlackHawk destroyed Super Psycho Zero 01.”

Than they both say: “It's...complicated.”

Captain Retro comes out, carrying the slightly charred, but otherwise physically okay, looking BlackHawk! Usagi says: “BlackHawk! Is he...?”

Captain Retro sighs in relief, and he says: “Don't worry. He's alive. He destroyed Super Psycho Zero 01, but it COST him all of his Ranger power to do it. Look at what happened to the Orange Ruby.”

He holds the three pieces of what USED to be the Orange Ruby in his hand, but now, all the Orange and shining power has gone out of it. Toby says: “What's going to happen to BlackHawk now?”

Captain Retro says: “Like I said, BlackHawk is alive, but the fight took a LOT out of him! I'm afraid he may have suffered from Heroic R.S.O.D.! He will recover eventually, but we'll need to keep him someplace safe until that happens! And Ace, you'll have to keep a low profile for a while! It's going to kind of be hard to explain how YOU'RE suddenly alive again, while BlackHawk is currently out of action!”

Naruto says: “He's not the only one! Three of our morphers have been FRIED! Toby, Ebony, and I have ALL gotten our morphers fried by taking that blast from Vipera!”

Captain Retro says: “The Magi-Mother can FIX those morphers, and also SEVER your connections to the Chaos Gods as well! As for BlackHawk, he's going to need rest, and the pieces of the Orange Ruby, in order to recover.”

Adam asks: “Why the pieces of the Orange Ruby?”

Captain Retro says: “Because, the Dog Guardian TOLD me to!”

Kras'hir says: “I thought you WERE the Dog Guardain!”

Captain Retro says: “I am only acting as his avatar. I am ALSO my own being! There may be others like me, creatures chosen by the Guardians to serve there will, throughout the universe! As to who they might be, I am not sure of. That, we'll have to figure out for ourselves!”

Tommy sighs, and he says: “You better take BlackHawk to Billy's, then. As much as I hate to admit it, Billy has got one of the best track records among us Power Rangers. It makes me ashamed that I used to make fun of him so much.”

Woolbur says: “You can apologize to him once you see him again.”

Captain Retro says: “Right, Woolbur, you, Kras'hir, and StarHawk head back to Coastal Falls to help with repairs, and keep watch over what remains of the town. And if the remaining Super Psycho Zero Girls return, you shall inform us, at once!”

StarHawk determinedly says: “I'll make them PAY, for being involved in the MURDER of my sister! You can COUNT on it!”

Captain Retro turns around, and is amazed by the ORANGE SUNSET!!!! Captain Retro says: “Very strange. The sun is setting orange, on the day that BlackHawk lost his Orange, Spinosaurus Ranger powers. I have a feeling, you Rangers are going to be in for a LONG night, this night! This is just a short break, before your NEXT battle against the Super Psycho Girls!”

Usagi says: “I don't doubt that for a minute, Captain Retro! I certainly don't!”

And everyone warps to the Command Center, as the Orange sun disappears beyond the horizon!

To Be Continued... /

Episode Notes: Alma sacrifices her life, to successfully expel Radiguet out of Ace's body, and give Ace his own life back. Nephrite is mutated and dies in this episode, she is killed by StarHawk. FireHawk dies in this episode, she is fatally stabbed by Super Psycho Zero 01. BlackHawk kills Super Psycho Zero 01, but loses all of his Orange Spinosaurus Ranger powers in the process! Naruto, Toby, and Ebony temporarily lose their ability to morph, as their morphers are fried by Vipera, and they need the Magi-Mother, to repair and fix them, as well as sever their connections to the Chaos Gods!

Personal Notes: I think this episode marks a personal record for me, in terms of just how many significant characters, got OFFED in just one episode! While this is still relatively tame compared to the amount of character deaths that happened in “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows,” I do feel that in order to significantly MOVE the overall story arc of “Power Rangers Multiverse Force” forward, that some characters NEEDED to die, and not just a villain, or a misunderstood girl. The reason for FireHawk's death, is to send the Power Rangers a CLEAR message, that whatever preconceived notions of showing restraint towards the villains they fight, they NEED to throw them OUT the window now; because the villains will no LONGER be playing around with them, so they can no longer afford to play around with the villains, either! As for BlackHawk, his story and significance in “Power Rangers Multiverse Force” hasn't come to an end; not by a LONG shot! As to how he will remain relevant?! As has often been said in the “Power Rangers” series itself; “You shall know, soon enough.” /

That's my episode idea for this time! Enough said, true believers!

[Goobz]

The Goofy Gooberz Show - S1 EP3 - SSJ SUCKS!

 

Jjs: Hey guys I was just talking to ssj and

RDSP: SSJ SUCKS! I'LL HAVE A WORD WITH HIM! DID HE BULLY YOU JJS????

Jjs: no...

RDSP: ALRIGHT THAT'S IT COME ON GUYS LET'S GO RAID SBM

Everyone: Follow RDSP!

Ssj: Ah, what a nice day on the forums. 60 members logged in today! Wow! Even worse than before!

Everyone: Hey ssj...

Ssj: Oh boy

GoofyGooberz: *makes topic on why Jack M Crazyfish is DUMB THICC*

Prez: *makes topic on why Squnschpunsch is real and the government has convinced it is not*

Cha: *makes topic on why her girlfriend thinks Choir Boys is godly*

RDSP: *makes topic on why the Actors scene is better than all of S3*

Trophy: *makes topic on why Squid Girl is epic and why everyone should watch it in the form of a 50 page essay*

SquiddyFace: *makes topic on why Flareon is gay*

BenPaz: *makes topic on why Ice Age Live! is better than The Godfather

Winter: *makes topic on why the SMFA butts are sexy af*

Everyone: WE DID IT! WE BEAT SSJ!

Ssj: NOOOOOOOOoooooooo......

Everyone: Let's celebrate on the Discord! YAY!

GoofyGooberz: Guys can I invite jack m crazythicc to the party

Prez: No

GoofyGooberz: Awww

 

[4EverGreen]

Vision Quest Part III: Golden Sunrise!
(Warning: Walls of text ahead!) 

Captain Retro narrates, and he says: “Previously, on Power Rangers Multiverse Force, after Usagi and FireHawk finished their portion of Alma's psychic test, I came to the dreaded revelation that the Super Psycho Zero Girls, having been forcibly brainwashed into being evil again, had joined forces with a newly mutated Nephrite, to bring an end to the life of one of my friends. A fate that I soon foresaw happening! Desperate, I left Pinkie to help Lettuce finish his test, while I got the other Rangers out of the mental realm! No sooner did that happen, than Radiguet/Ace freed himself from Alma's metal freezing, forcing me to do battle with him, while the other Rangers had to deal with the combined efforts of the Super Psycho Zero Girls, and a super-powered Vipera! Lettuce, Pinkie, and Alma managed to return from the Mental Realm in time, with Lettuce having passed his test! Alma decided that the only way to get rid of Radiguet, was to use her own life-energy, in order to expel Radiguet out of Ace's body, and restore Ace's life with his own soul. But no sooner was Ace's life saved, than was FireHawk's life taken, by the energy spear of Super Psycho Zero Girl One! Filled with righteous fury, StarHawk used the Delta Megazord to destroy Nephrat, and BlackHawk proceeded to do the same to Super Psycho Zero Girl 01, despite her CLEAR superiority in terms of power, over him. BlackHawk, DESPERATE to destroy her, pushed the powers of the Orange Ruby BEYOND their limits! Although he succeeded in giving Super Psycho Zero Girl 01 a fatal blow, she used all of her available energy to blow herself up, and succeeded in destroying the powers of the Orange Ruby, and the Spinosaurus Orange Ranger powers it contained. Now the Rangers have gone to Billy's, where we hope BlackHawk will be able to recover, and Naruto, Toby, and Ebony, will be able to get the Magi-Mother to repair their morphers. It is bound to be a long night, for all the Power Rangers...”

Captain Retro, carrying BlackHawk's unconscious body over his shoulder, walks into Billy's lab, which has gotten an emergency hospital bed situated in it! Sans walks up, and he says: “You're very lucky, today! My job for today, involves delivering hospital beds to people who needed it. Billy thought something bad might happen, so he asked me to deliver a hospital bed to him! Pretty good call, huh?”

Captain Retro sighs, and he says: “Yes, it is. I wasn't really able to witness BlackHawk's battles, while he was in the underworld with you guys. Has he ever had such a tough time like this?”

Alphys nervously says: “I can answer that! Mettaton was...kind of in a 'kill anything that moves' mode for some reason when BlackHawk first met him! It wasn't easy, but BlackHawk endured Mettaton's attacks, and saved him! Compared to that, this is like a minor BRUISE to him!”

Ace walks in, now wearing a giant-sized green parka over him! Billy asks: “Aren't you a little over-dressed for Coastal Falls?”

Lettuce walks in, and he says: “Look, if Ace is going to be alive and kicking, it would be improper for him to do it buck-naked! So I got him one of my dad's old hand-me downs! It was the only thing he was willing to part with!”

Ace says: “Believe me, I really appreciate it!”

Than a familiar female voice bursts in, and says: “Where is HE?! Where is my darling boy Black--!”

Than Abby stops, as she suddenly stares at someone she NEVER thought she would see again! Ace sweats nervously, and he says: “Did it suddenly get hot in here, or is just me?!”

And not even thinking, he takes off his parka, forgetting that he ISN'T wearing anything underneath! Abby says: “Ace, it IS you! But; HOW?”

Ace says: “I'm a little sketchy on the details myself, but according to Captain Retro, I have a little psychic girl to thank for getting Radiguet out of my body, and bringing me back to life properly.”

Billy asks: “The question is; Abby, what are YOU doing here?!”

The Anthropomorphic D.O.G., appears, and he blushes, and says: “Sorry about that. But Abby got SUSPICIOUS! BlackHawk wasn't returning her calls, he wasn't at any of his usual hang-out spots, so Abby got all accusatory and personal! I panicked and told her that BlackHawk might be here! Naturally, she got Coop to confirm it WITH her!”

Coop appears, and he nervously giggles, and he says: “Hi, dad! Long time, no see!”

Ace says: “I'm sorry we couldn't reunite under better circumstances.”

Abby asks: “You THINK?! BlackHawk is unconscious AND naked!”

Pinkie comes in, and she asks: “And his being naked surprises you HOW?”

Abby says: “I don't recall asking for YOUR opinion! What matters is, can you tell me that BlackHawk is going to be all right?!”

Captain Retro says: “Abby, don't worry. BlackHawk IS going to be fine! He just needs to recover his energy first. Far more critical now, is whether or not Naruto, Toby, and Ebony, can get their Power Morphers fixed.”

Usagi walks in, and she says: “I can answer that. Naruto, Toby, and Ebony have already arrived at Root Core to see the Magi-Mother. She says she can restore their morphing powers, AND detach them from their connections to the Chaos Gods!”

Lettuce asks: “But then, where will their powers come from?”

Captain Retro says: “From the Magi-Mother herself! That's where my powers come from! Quite frankly, you all would be faring a lot better right now, if you had just taken MY suggestion in the FIRST place!”

Pinkie asks: “So what about the two of us? Me, and Lettuce, that is. Can't WE get our powers separated from our Chaos Gods, yet?”

Captain Retro sighs, and he says: “Sorry, but it's a VERY complex, and very energy consuming ritual! As such, the Magi-Mother only HAS the ability to sever it from THREE people at any one time. If she tries to do anymore, it would run the risk of draining her OWN life-force and killing her! But let me put it this way; if the right opportunity presents itself for the two of you to be separated from your Chaos Gods, then it will. Personally, I try to NEVER do anything unless it feels natural! Usagi, are Woolbur, Kras'hir, and StarHawk helping the others rebuild Coastal Falls? And is StarHawk holding up well enough?”

Usagi says: “I talked to Kras'hir recently. They, along with Undyne, Papyrus, and some of the other Legendary Rangers, are repairing Coastal Falls as best as they can. But Rome wasn't built in a day. StarHawk says she still hurts a little emotionally. But thankfully, having gone through Alma's test, seems to have helped prepare her for this. She says she will be able to love again, and wants to apologize to BlackHawk personally for how badly she handles BlackHawk's FIRST attempt at a relationship with her, even if it wasn't really her fault that it went sour.”

Captain Retro says: “Don't worry about it. I'm sure BlackHawk will be VERY happy to hear the news, once he wakes up.”

Coop asks: “Is there anything WE can do?”

Captain Retro says: “It's best to just let him rest right now. In fact, it would be a good idea for all of us to rest, while we can. We have no idea when Doctor Maniac will bring back the remaining Super Psycho Zero Girls for a second attack!”

Lettuce says: “I quite agree. Even at my most rage-filled, I could barely make a DENT into the armor of Super Psycho Zero Girl 01!”

Pinkie says: “In that case, we'll go home for now. I'm sure all our parents are worried.”

Lettuce says: “I'm with you there, Pinkie.”

And Lettuce and Pinkie warp back to their respective homes!

Abby groans, and she says: “Man, I wish I could do that!”

Coop says: “I've been practicing! I could take us all home, if you want!”

Ace says: “First off, we'd have to come up with a good cover story as to how I am suddenly alive again! After all, if anyone else besides YOU guys saw me; they would want to know what was up!”

D.O.G., says: “Why don't we stay here with BlackHawk for now? I'm sure Alphys can set you up with a room in her flexible apartment.”

Alphys says: “Absolutely! You can have FireHawk's old room. I'm sure she won't mind since she's been...permanently, indisposed.”

Abby says: “Humph! Serves that little JERK right! I never DID like that upstart hooligan ANYWAYS!”

Usagi says: “Just don't EVER let StarHawk hear YOU say that about FireHawk! She may not be as LENIENT as I am! Anyways, I better go, as well! Sally Anne will be worried about me!”

Captain Retro says: “See you later, Usagi!”

And Usagi warps to her home! Coop asks: “Captain Retro, do you want to spend the night with us? I'm sure Abby would appreciate the company, of having a reliable guy such as you to protect her!”

Captain Retro says: “I wish I could, but the Dog Guardian says I'm needed here!”

Coop says: “In that case, I guess I'll be the man of the house for a while!”

And to the amazement of everyone else in the room, Coop suddenly transforms from looking like a dorky, stereo-typed nerd wearing eye-glasses, to looking like a cool, black-haired, black-shirted, shades wearing bird! D.O.G., says: “WOAH!!!! Look who just got a coolness upgrade!”

Abby says: “Coop, it's been quite a while since you've needed to utilize your special transformation powers! I almost forgot how awesome they were!”

Coop says: “I haven't had the NEED to use them, until now! We don't EXACTLY want to draw the attention of Doctor Maniac, now, do we?”

Sans says: “I certainly won't argue with that!”

Abby says: “Suddenly, I feel a whole lot better about this night! Take me home, Coop!”

Coop grabs Abby's hand, and he says: “Don't worry, dad! I'll keep her, safe!” And he warps her back to their temporary home!”

Ace says: “I'm sure you will!”

Captain Retro turns to Sans, and Captain Retro asks: “Sans, aren't you going to go back home and sleep?”

Sans just bluntly looks at Captain Retro, and Sans says: “I'm a skeleton. I don't sleep. Blessed with suck, or cursed with awesome; you be the judge! But I do need to get back to Papyrus! I don't want him to worry about me!”

And as Sans walks out, Captain Retro says: “See you around, then!”

D.O.G., asks: “Where is a bed around here?”

Alphys says: “You'll have to share it with Ace, for now. Hammerspace isn't the EASIEST thing in the world to manipulate, you know!”

Ace says: “That's fine with me. BlackHawk is sure lucky to have a companion like YOU around him!”

D.O.G., blushes, and he says: “Thank you, Ace. That means a lot to me, to hear you say that.”

And they both head off into Ace's apartment. Captain Retro turns to Billy and Alphys, and Captain Retro says: “You two see to it that BlackHawk and I are not disturbed. BlackHawk's body may be recovering, but his mind is a different story! I have a feeling that this is why the Dog Guardian wanted me to be around him! I didn't want the others to know about it, because there's nothing they could do to help them, and they'd just worry needlessly. All I know is, he needs the pieces of the Orange Ruby; that are being held in his hand.”

And Billy and Alphys stare at the three shattered pieces of the Orange Ruby, being held in the grip of the unconscious BlackHawk. Billy says: “If my suspicions are correct, he's about to go through something mystical! Something strange, no doubt.”

Captain Retro says: “I wouldn't doubt that you're right. You usually are.”

Alphys says: “Don't worry about it. Billy and I will sleep in shifts tonight, with one of us ALWAYS standing watch! You can count on us!”

And they both head outside, to patrol the perimeter! Captain Retro sighs, and he says: “Very well, then. All right, Clifford. It's time to show me what this ordeal thing is all about! Time for ME, to return to BlackHawk, who is now BACK in the Mental Realm!”

And Captain Retro closes his eyes, and puts himself into a meditative stance! He subconsciously drifts from the physical world, and projects himself into the subconscious state of the mental realm! When he is there, he can hear BlackHawk shouting: “What's going on here?! Where am I?!”

Captain Retro says: “Focus, you MUST focus!!!!”

BlackHawk calms down, and sure enough, the darkness and the swirling dissipates, and slows down, revealing a vast, empty desert, similar to the Bonneville Salt Flats in Utah. BlackHawk opens his eyes, and he says: “I'm all right! And--.” He looks down, and sees he isn't WEARING anything, and he finishes: “Naked, AGAIN!!!!”

Captain Retro says: “What do you expect?! Super Psycho Zero Girl 01 blew herself up, and the explosion destroyed your costume, your clothes, AND shattered your Orange Ruby! It used up the LAST of it's power to keep the explosion from destroying you!”

BlackHawk sighs, and he says: “It wasn't a dream, then. If only I had access to stronger powers, than maybe this whole mess wouldn't have happened!”

A small, condoning voice says: “He's having serious self-doubts about himself!”

A bigger voice says: “His appendage is certainly impressive, though! He could probably father a LOT of Hawkians if he wanted to!”

A wise voice says: “Use some discretion. He is in an unfamiliar place, and doesn't know what's going on right now!”

Captain Retro says: “Show yourselves!”

And out of the mists, step out three familiar figures! The visual representations of the rat, the rabbit, and the eagle guardians! The rat says: “I'm Templeton! I'm sure you've heard of me!”

Captain Retro says: “Very much so! From the time and the dimension that I come from, you were an undersung, but very important part of the story and the 1973 animated film of Charlotte's Web!”

The rabbit says: “I'm Bigwig! A family man to, many!”

Captain Retro says: “I'm not familiar with YOUR published work, but I have seen the 1978 animated movie version of Watership Down. It's still a pretty intense film, in my original time of 2018!”

The eagle says: “And I'm Garudia. Winged lord of the cosmos, second only to Aslan, rest his mighty soul, wherever it has gone to.”

BlackHawk says: “All right. You seem to know who I am. Can you tell me why I'm here?”

Garudia says: “Of course. The Dog Guardian, Clifford has agreed with all of us. The Crimson King has made a critical error, in using Jardis, the White Witch to destroy Aslan, and the time has come to restore the balance to the Cosmos, and the Multi-verse at large!”

Bigwig says: “And that's where you come in!”

BlackHawk asks: “But, why me?”

Templeton says: “Apparently, all the planets and stars or something are in alignment. That means the time is right, for someone of noble heroics, and a heroic blood-line, to step into the picture, and make what is wrong, turn out right; and the best candidate we could find for that position was you; so lucky YOU! You have a chance to fulfill an ancient prophecy passed down by Aslan himself!”

BlackHawk turns to Captain Retro, and BlackHawk asks: “Captain Retro, is this true?!”

Captain Retro closes his eyes, and he says: “I'm afraid I'm not quite sure. I haven't gotten the chance to read ALL of the Akhasic Records that Clifford has available for me. But if my understanding of this whole thing is correct, it refers to a prophecy that was passed, even BEFORE the dawn of what WE would call time! Unfortunately, only Aslan had such knowledge of what the prophecy referred to, and he is in no position to tell anybody his secrets!”

Garudia says: “This is what you need to know. We have prepared a Vision Quest for you, to see if you are worthy of receiving a legendary power. The power of which I speak, has been kept secret by the Guardians, lest it fall into the wrong hands. But now the time has come for a mortal to possess it, in order to bring justice to Doctor Maniac, who has already broken 3.2 sins on the Scale of Scientific sins!”

Bigwig says: “Doctor Maniac has turned his back on his fellow humans, and everything good that science can be used for! He needs to be brought to justice!”

Templeton says: “And once he's gone, maybe you can do us a favor, and get rid of Radiguet and the Crimson King!”

Captain Retro says: “We'll cross that bridge once we come to it!”

Garudia says: “The decision is all up to BlackHawk's to decide! But be warned! Once this Vision Quest properly starts, you can NOT turn back or quit for ANY reason! You will NEED to stay on it, until you have completed all THREE tasks that we have set up for you!”

BlackHawk asks: “Three tasks?”

Bigwig says: “One task, for each piece of the shattered Orange Ruby.”

And the three guardians each hold out a piece of the now dormant, Orange Ruby.

Templeton says: “In order for you to receive this power, we need to have something we can put it in. And seeing as how the Orange Ruby has nothing inside of it anymore, we think it would be the perfect tool to do the job! And if it works, you will get a power that's stronger than anything you've EVER been able to do before!”

Captain Retro asks: “Well, BlackHawk, what do you think?!”

BlackHawk says: “I'll do it! I mean, I kind of NEED to do this anyways! After all, Doctor Maniac and Queen Beryl's forces are significantly stronger than Emperor Diabolica's ever were. We could use something that could give us a better edge over them!”

Captain Retro says: “Very well! But just know something, BlackHawk; I'm only allowed to watch your progress. I cannot be allowed to interfere or give you advice. You go through with this, you'll truly be on your own.”

BlackHawk sighs, and says: “Wouldn't be the FIRST time!”

Captain Retro says: “Still, maybe you should face this looking a little more presentable.”

And Captain Retro takes off his own cape, and wraps it around BlackHawk, like a make-shift loin-cloth! BlackHawk seriously asks: “This?”

Captain Retro says: “Well, it's the best I can do on such short notice! It's better than nothing!”

BlackHawk says: “I'll take it!”

Templeton says: “BlackHawk will take MY test first! After all, if he can't get past ME; he won't have a SHOT of making it past either Bigwig OR Garudia!”

Bigwig says: “Very well. We will see you at the pass.”

And Bigwig and Garudia disappear. Captain Retro says: “You're on your own from here, BlackHawk. I'll see you late--!”

(POOF!!!!) And Captain Retro suddenly vanishes from sight! BlackHawk says: “He disappeared!”

Templeton says: “Well, yes, and no. You see, Captain Retro is still technically in this realm. He's just been cut off from your personal senses of sight, hearing, smell, touch, and even taste just to be on the safe side! That's why you're on your own for this challenge!” /

Captain Retro can see BlackHawk and Templeton talking, but he can't make OUT what they're saying! Captain Retro says: “I've been cut OFF!!!! It's all up to BlackHawk, now! Good luck!” /

Rocky, Adam, Tommy, Karone, Kira, Woolbur, Kras'hir, Papyrus, and Undyne are still busy working in trying to put Coastal Falls back together. Undyne says: “You know what's funny? I always thought that if any of us ever had to rebuild this city, it would be because of an attack made by the forces of evil; not some stupid nuclear bomb!”

Woolbur says: “Well, I don't think we'll ever have to worry about THAT happening again! Not after the riot act that Captain Retro gave the other Rangers!”

Kras'hir looks at StarHawk, who's just gazing off into outer space, as if looking for something that's beyond her sight. Kras'hir asks: “StarHawk, is anything the matter? You've been awfully quiet tonight.”

StarHawk says: “It's...kind of hard not to be. After all, I woke up today, not having the slightest inkling that everything I thought I knew how life would work for me, would be changed, all because of some evil scheme perpetrated by some evil doctor!”

Woolbur says: “Welcome to the club! You're not the only ranger here who has lost someone they love, to that evil fiend! It really hurt me, to lose my older brother Ramone.”

StarHawk says: “FireHawk, may have had some selfish reasons, for doing what she did, but in the end, she was still my sister. I guess, the reason why I wanted to marry her, was because I was a little selfish myself. You see, family is very important in Hawkian society. I'm sure that's why BlackHawk, was so determined to protect his father at ANY cost, even going so far as to risk his own Ranger powers, to destroy the being that killed my sister. I owe it to him, to make things right with him. Now that I am no longer under a Lesbian hex, I'm sure that I could truly love BlackHawk the way he WANTS to be loved. That is, if BlackHawk will take me back.”

Papyrus says: “Of course, BlackHawk will take you back! He knows that it wasn't your fault that the initial relationship between the two of you got soured!”

StarHawk says: “Nor will it EVER be soured again! All of you need to promise me something! IF; on the hypothetical off-chance that SOMEONE comes along, claiming to look like me, sound like me, and maybe even try to ACT like me, but say that they are into Lesbians, know that it is some kind of imposter, designed by Doctor Maniac or something, who knows absolutely NOTHING about me!”

Karone says: “That's...pretty specific!”

StarHawk says: “After all the trouble the Rangers have gone through, thanks to Doctor Maniac and their various trials with the Chaos Gods, I think it would be a good idea for us to be specific!”

Kira says: “StarHawk, does it hurt you that FireHawk is gone?”

StarHawk says: “A little. It will always hurt that my sister is gone. But my sister wouldn't want me to just mope around and be sad forever. She'd want me to carry on. She would want me to love again. And I will love again. I did not come to Core Earth, to focus on what could have been. Only what can be.”

Rocky says: “That's a pretty good idea, if I know my good ideas!”

Adam says: “Agreed. Let's get back to re-building this city!”

Tommy says: “The sooner we finish, the sooner that everyone else can move back into their proper homes and apartments!” /

On Queen Beryl's ship, Meison is using his magic to electrically blast the remaining Super Psycho Zero Girls! Doctor Maniac says: “Enough, Meison! They've been punished enough!”

Queen Beryl says: “I'm very disappointed with the three of you. I commanded you to destroy the Rangers. You did not. I ordered you to fight, and you FLED!”

Super Psycho Zero Girl 02 says: “We had no choice! Their combined fire-power was too strong! It would have KILLED us!”

Ahminan says: “You should have done what Super Psycho Zero Girl did! Use your powers to take out your attackers, for the GLORY of Queen Metalia!”

Psygorn says: “Exactly! And where was Vipera during all of this?!”

Kunzite says: “Queen Beryl! We're receiving a transmission from Vipera now!”

Benzite says: “Speak of the Blood God! I suppose you've suffered enough for what happened to my girlfriend Nephrite, for now! But don't think this is over! Vipera, to what do we owe this transmission?”

Vipera appears on an electronic screen, and she says: “Greetings. First of all, I would like to personally thank Doctor Maniac for giving me the Super Psycho serum formula, and revitalizing, and enhancing my powers. Even BlackHawk wasn't able to put a scratch on me! Secondly, I would like to thank you for reviving my loyal servants, Drako and Baphomet. Their knowledge and abilities will prove to be most useful to me.”

Mettzler asks: “And why is that?!”

Vipera says: “Simple. I've completed the first of my obligations. I injected the remaining four vials of Super Psycho serum into the Zero Girls like you wanted.”

Farrah Cat says: “The Power Rangers were STILL able to fight them! Perhaps Doctor Maniac's research isn't as all-knowing as he CLAIMS it to be!”

Bionic Gorilla grunts, and says: “Doctor Maniac is SMARTER than all of you put together! He SAVED me from an evil poacher, and repaired me, when my life was in danger, from the injuries the poacher inflicted upon me! I trust him with my life! You would be WISE, to do that to!”

Fara says: “Agreed. At least Super Psycho Zero Girl 01 DID kill that meddling twerp FireHawk! With her gone, Vipera will be able to obtain sole control of the Necrons ALL for herself! Not to mention, that the powers of the Spinosaurus Orange Ranger are now gone, as Super Psycho Zero Girl EXPLODED herself, to bring an END to those out-dated powers!”

Vipera says: “That is an additional reason why I'm calling. With FireHawk gone, it is time for me to fulfill the second part of my bargain with Doctor Maniac. I shall now go off to the worlds that have been infiltrated with Necron robots! I will not return until my troops have successfully captured 200 of them functioning, for your scientific purposes, Doctor Maniac!”

Doctor Maniac says: “Very well! Inform me at once, as soon as you have completed your evil task!”

Vipera says: “Will do, Doctor!” And Vipera's image disappears!

Psygorn asks: “So, what do we do now?”

Doctor Maniac says: “Easy! We have the Power Rangers on the ropes! Naruto, Toby, and Ebony had their morphers fried, when they intercepted the attack meant for the legendary Rangers! They are surely going to get their morphers repaired, but in the mean-time, we use their absence to launch a counter-attack, to take out the OTHER meddling Rangers OUT of the picture, PERMANENTLY!”

Kunzite says: “You're forgetting one crucial detail! When Rangers are backed into a corner, they have a tendency to fight with everything they've got! Not to mention, StarHawk now has the death of her sister, to fuel her ambitions! And with the remaining Super Psycho Zero Girls in their weakened state, they won't be able to put up much of a fight against the remaining Power Rangers!”

Doctor Maniac chuckles sinisterly, and he says: “Oh, thee of little faith. I ALWAYS have a contingency plan for just this sort of occasion! Psygorn, the energy vials you've collected, if you will!”

Psygorn says: “Yes, master! It will be my pleasure!”

And he pulls out three powerful vials of energy, filled with a silver color in them! Doctor Maniac says: “This is the left-over energy, from those who fell in battle! Alma, the Psychic girl. FireHawk, the traitorous Hawkian! Nephrite, the cowardly minion. And Super Psycho Zero Girl 01 herself! I have removed all of their inherent weaknesses, enhanced their initial strengths, and turned them into a formula, to strengthen the fighting strength, of the remaining Super Psycho Zero Girls! With their new strength, the Power Rangers won't be able to just BLAST them, the way they did before!”

Bionic Gorilla says: “I told you, Doctor Maniac would have a plan!”

Mettzler says: “Plans only go so far! Actions, speak louder than words!”

Doctor Maniac says: “Agreed. Super Psycho Zero Girls, would you LIKE the chance to redeem yourselves from suffering a fate WORSE than death?!”

Super Psycho Zero Girl 03 says: “Those Rangers made FOOLS of us before! We won't stand for that!”

Super Psycho Zero Girl 04 says: “This means MORE than mere revenge NOW! This is PERSONAL! To avenge our fallen COMRADE!”

Super Psycho Zero Girl 02 nods, and says: “We will do whatever it TAKES, to bring you victory!”

Doctor Maniac says: “I KNOW you will! It is IN your programming to DO so!”

And he injects them with the colored vials, and not only does the energy repair their shattered armor, it makes it even DENSER, TOUGHER, and SPIKIER than it was originally, making them look even MORE like psychotic monsters than they did before!”

Benzite gasps in fear, and he asks: “Doctor Maniac! What...have...you...done?!”

Doctor Maniac cackles with INSANE glee, and he says: “I have DONE it!!!! I have SUCCEEDED in destroying all TRACES of the Super Psycho Zero Girls' former personalities! There is NOTHING of their humanity left IN them! They are all rage, all combat, all desire, and glory, for bringing victory to ALL of my dreams, and my visions! In other words, they are now 300% MORE AWESOME!!!! Not to mention, I have just broken my 3.3 scientific sin! I made my cybernetics EAT their SOULS!!!! And they are GOING to destroy the Power Rangers, or I will ENSURE, that they are destroyed themselves, if they FAIL me, which, won't HAPPEN if they know what is BEST for them!”

The Super Psycho Zero Girls, stripped of all their personalities, only cackle in glee! Doctor Maniac says: “Go, and do NOT fail me again!”

The Super Psycho Zero Girls warp out of the space-ship! Benzite turns to Kunzite, and Benzite says: “This is getting out of hand! Now he has broken 3.3 whole SINS of scientific sins!”

Kunzite simply nods his head, and says: “Queen Beryl should NOT have aligned herself with this deranged megalomaniac!” /

In Root Core, the Magi-Mother is blessing Naruto's, Toby's, and Ebony's morphers, with holy magic, to purify them, and expel all the influences of the Chaos Gods, out of them. Ebony asks: “So, is this magic of yours really going to work?”

The Magi-Mother says: “Unlike your Inept Mage ways, which is completely your OWN fault for not studying more, my magic always does EXACTLY what it is supposed to do, and nothing else! Repairing your morphers was EASY! But getting rid of the Chaos influences, that's the tricky part!”

Toby says: “Well, how long is THAT going to take?!”

The Magi-Mother says: “By my calculations, ten hours.”

Naruto asks: “Ten HOURS?! You could get a PIZZA delivered, from Neo Chicago, faster than that!”

The Magi-Father walks in, and he says: “Watch your mouth, boy, or I can melt your mind to the point where you will live the rest of your life under the delusion that you are a six-year old girl!”

Naruto asks: “You can DO that?!”

The Magi-Father says: “I'd have Pinkie Pie braid your hair.”

Naruto sighs, and says: “Fine, I get it. True magic is complex and tricky, and takes a while. So that means our morphers won't be ready until the crack of dawn.”

The Magi-Mother says: “Unfortunately, that is the case. So I suggest you go into the old bedrooms used by the Mystic Force Power Rangers. They aren't using them right now, so go ahead and get some rest. The Magi-Father will be keeping watch, to sure nothing bad happens to you.”

And the three Rangers all head off into separate bedrooms. The Magi-Father says: “You didn't tell them, that you know that Doctor Maniac is going to send down the Super Psycho Zero Girls again.”

The Magi-Mother says: “They can't do much of anything without their morphers. We've already lost Alma and FireHawk today. Not to mention, that BlackHawk is temporarily out of commission! I can repair a set of morphers, I can't restore a human life!”

The Magi-Father says: “Then we must leave the rest to that student of yours, Captain Retro. And hope that he knows what he is doing, by giving BlackHawk the Vision Quest test.”

The Magi-Mother says: “BlackHawk WILL be successful! I'm sure of it!” /

Meanwhile, in the mental realm, BlackHawk and Templeton are still in the desert. BlackHawk asks: “So, what's the first test that I have to pass with you?”

Templeton says: “First off, let me explain a little something about myself. You see, a lot of more 'higher-evolved creatures', frown down on me, because I take things that weren't mine to begin with. But in reality, they are missing the point of what I'm doing. The truth of the matter is, I am a scavenger by nature. I have to be! I'm a rat! Nobody is going to feed me, so I have to live by my wits, and eat what I can get, lest I starve to death! But there is one thing I'm proud of; I only take what somebody else, has already disposed of, and therefore, no longer wants. That's why I feast on the scraps and left-overs; that others leave behind. It's my small way of cleaning up the planet.”

BlackHawk says: “Very insightful. And I assume there's a point to this?”

Templeton says: “Naturally. This test, is to see if you can THINK like a rat, in a maze!”

And Templeton snaps his little rat fingers, and suddenly, a giant, life-sized maze springs up in front of BlackHawk and Templeton! Templeton says: “Here is your first test. The test is, to see how good you are with your memory skills, and your ability to locate things that aren't necessarily within your sight. You see, sometimes your sight isn't the most important thing in solving a puzzle. Sometimes, you must rely on your other senses, in order to find what you are looking for.”

BlackHawk says: “I see. And what exactly is it, that I'm going to be looking for in this maze?”

Templeton says: “You need to think like a rat! You are looking for the cheese, at the end of this maze! Oh, and don't get any funny ideas, about trying to fly OVER the maze, or simply trying to blast your way through the walls! The sky is protected by an electric current that will zap you if you try to fly, and the walls are reinforced by Guardian magic! You'll have to solve this maze the old-fashioned way! Through trial and error!”

BlackHawk says: “Is there a catch?”

Templeton says: “Just a couple. There are a few hazards located within this maze. But if you think like a rat, they shouldn't be too hard for you to overcome! Now, based on your average speed and strength in your abilities to take down monsters; I'd say you should be able to solve this maze in one hour!”

BlackHawk says: “I see. And by solving this maze, I receive a piece of my Orange Ruby, correct?”

Templeton says: “IF you survive! I'll see you at the end, if you're lucky!”

And Templeton disappears! BlackHawk says to himself: “Okay! Nobody can help me here! I have to rely on myself! Think like a rat, THINK like a rat! How does a rat even think?!”

BlackHawk concentrates, and reaches an epiphany! BlackHawk says: “Templeton told me not to rely on just my sight! I need to rely on my other senses! If I were a rat, I'd use my sense of smell to find the cheese, and use my sense of hearing to stay alert for any dangers in the maze! All right, I have a plan! Captain Retro, even though I can't see you, I know you can see me! Your training is paying off!”

And BlackHawk charges his way into the maze! /

Captain Retro looks on as BlackHawk enters the maze, and Captain Retro says: “Good luck, BlackHawk! The other Rangers are counting on you!” /

BlackHawk reaches the first fork in the maze, and he stops and sniffs the air for the faint fragrance of cheese. BlackHawk says: “The smell of the cheese seems to be coming from straight ahead, but just to make sure...”

BlackHawk blasts a char mark into the side of the maze wall, indicating which direction he chose first! BlackHawk says: “Better to be safe than sorry! An ounce of prevention, is worth a pound of cure!”

BlackHawk keeps running forward, but using his keen sense of hearing, quickly JUMPS forward, to avoid a GIANT mousetrap that springs up behind him! BlackHawk says: “I see what Templeton meant! There are TRAPS in this maze! No doubt, designed to test someone with rat-like reflexes! I can only imagine, what rodents like Templeton have to go through every day. They might be vermin to some, but even mice and smaller mammals like Templeton have loved ones. I must push forward, no matter the odds. No matter what other tricks await me, I shall continue until the way forward reveals itself to me!”

BlackHawk comes to another fork in the maze, and smells the air again. BlackHawk says: “The smell of the cheese SEEMS to be coming from the right! Still, I shall proceed with caution!”

Than; BlackHawk suddenly tenses up in alarm, as he suddenly senses something else sinister, that he's smelling in the air! BlackHawk turns around, and ducks just in time, to avoid a GIANT cat trying to swipe its CLAWS at BlackHawk! BlackHawk shouts: “I'm no Tweety bird dinner, go away!”

But the cat lunges forward, forcing BlackHawk to shoot electricity at it! BlackHawk says: “Reasoning with this over-grown feline isn't going to work! If I had my Ranger powers, I could deal with this thing properly! But since I'm at a little bit of a disadvantage, I'll have to make a run for it!”

And BlackHawk begins to sprint forward as fast as he can, taking care to make quick char marks on the side of the walls, to indicate where he turned in order to follow the direction of where the smell is coming from! As he's running, he hears an UNPLEASANT sound; the sound of the brick tiles COLLAPSING behind him! BlackHawk asks: “How many traps does this maze have, anyhow?!”

And increasing his jog to an incredible speed, he manages to get AWAY from the section of the collapsing floor, and looks back behind him, as the giant cat meows angrily, as it can't reach BlackHawk now! BlackHawk says: “One thing is for sure; once I get out of this, I'm going to have a new-found appreciation for all the different kinds of trouble that Templeton and his kind must go through just to get food and shelter on a daily basis!”

Thankfully, BlackHawk manages to get through the rest of the maze without incident, and at the end, he FINDS the cheese! Feeling weak and exhausted from all his running, BlackHawk grabs a chunk of cheese, and eats it! Templeton suddenly appears, clapping his tiny hands! Templeton says: “Well done, BlackHawk! You made it through the maze faster than I thought you would! Only fifteen minutes! Then again, I was high-balling my estimate to make it easier for you. I guess I didn't need to do that AFTER all! You really learned how to think like a rat! After all, there's no telling just WHEN you'll be able to get another opportunity to eat again, within this Vision Quest, now is there?!”

BlackHawk says: “I was just trying to stay alive!”

Templeton says: “This was a test of necessity! If you didn't think like a rat and take the cheese, you WOULD have failed! That was the whole point of my little test!”

BlackHawk says: “You call, running away from a giant cat LITTLE?!”

Templeton says: “I just wanted you to see things from a rat's perspective! Anyways, I gave my word. Here's the first piece of your shattered Orange Ruby.”

And Templeton hands one piece back to BlackHawk. Templeton says: “I see that you definitely have a lot of fight still within you! The question is, will it be enough?!”

And Templeton suddenly warps away, and BlackHawk shouts in futility: “Wait! What are you talking about?!” /

Captain Retro looks on, as the maze disappears, along with the desert, and the mental realm swirls as it prepares a new location for BlackHawk. Captain Retro says: “Well done, BlackHawk. So much for the warm-up. Now here is where things will REALLY get challenging!” /

In Coastal Falls, in Abby's temporary apartment, Abby is resting on her bed, but she is having trouble sleeping. Coop knocks on her door, and he asks: “Is everything all right in there?”

Abby sighs, and she says: “Not really. I'm just feeling kind of lonely tonight.”

Coop comes in, and he asks: “Mom, would you tell me what's wrong?”

Abby asks: “You wouldn't have any way of knowing, whether or not BlackHawk's status has improved, would you? I just thought I would hear something by now.”

Coop says: “BlackHawk WILL be back!”

But Abby just looks away out at the night sky, looking unsure. Abby says: “I wish I had the same degree of confidence that YOU seem to possess! I wasn't EXACTLY born with the best sense of self-esteem, lest anyone FORGET that important fact!”

Coop says: “I know something that may make you feel better. Some of BlackHawk's personal favorite music choices!”

Coop rushes out, than brings in an old-fashioned Janet Jackson compact disc. Coop says: “BlackHawk told me, he would always play the hit song, Come Back to Me, whenever he needed to feel better about something. Maybe it will make you feel better, as well.”

Abby says: “Well, it's not like I can think of anything better to do! Might as well give it a shot!”

Coop says: “Anyways, staying up all night won't do you or BlackHawk any good. You'll see him as soon as he's well again.”

Abby sighs, and says: “I know.”

And as Coop exits her bedroom, Abby turns on the C.D., to the appropriate song, and as she sleeps, her mind flashes back to her memories, of all the times that BlackHawk has shared with her, even BEFORE his adventures as a Power Ranger had begun, while the song is playing! /

“Looking through my old drawer, came across the letter you wrote. Said you needed time away. That was so long ago. All my life I've waited, to see your smile again. In my mind I hated; not able to let go. Come back to me. I'm beggin' you please. Come back to me. I want you to come back to me. I'm beggin' you please. Come back to me. Lord knows that I have tried to live my life as one. Friends tell me to hold on. Tough times don't last for long. My abandoned heart, just doesn't understand. My undying love for you, just won't let me wait. Come back to me. I'm beggin' you please. Come back to me. I want you to come back to me. I'm beggin' you please. Come back to me. Please come back to me. I miss you so much. Wherever you are, I love you. All my life I've waited to see your smile again. In my mind I hated; not able to let go. Not able to let go. I don't know what else to say.” /

 

Meanwhile, back in the Command Center, Alpha Eight is nervously pacing around, constantly checking to see if anything is happening on the Viewing Globe! Omnus says: “Please, calm down Alpha! You'll reach you 100,000 mile warranty at this rate!”

Alpha says: “I can't calm down! This just feels so stressful! It's like being a juggler, who's already missed one shoe, and now you're waiting for the other shoe to drop!”

And as if on cue, the alarm in the Command Center blares! Alpha Eight says: “Aye-yai-yai-yai-yai! And speak of the Chaos Gods! There it goes now!”

Omnus looks at the Viewing Globe, and is understandably distraught to see the Super Psycho Zero Girls so horrifyingly mutated, there's no longer any trace of humanity within them! Omnus says: “I always knew it was only a matter of time, before Doctor Maniac would stoop so low, as to break a whole 3.3 sins, on the scale of scientific sins. The cybernetics he gave the Super Psycho Zero Girls, mixed with their mutated powers, have completely eaten their souls! Even if Naruto, Toby, and Ebony already HAD their morphers completely repaired, they might not be a match for the Super Psycho Zero Girls, the way they are now!”

Alpha Eight asks: “What are we going to do?!”

Omnus says: “Remember the code of the Rangers; help will always come to those who both ask and deserve it! There are Rangers out there with spare Ranger powers! We shall call on their aid, to help us out until the other Rangers are able to come!”

Alpha Eight says: “All right, then! Let's see if your theory is correct!”

Alpha pushes some buttons, and sure enough, the entire second “Power Rangers Turbo” team, minus Justin, is warped into the Command Center! T.J., asks: “We came as soon as we heard the call! What's the problem?!”

Omnus says: “The Super Psycho Zero Girls are causing more trouble in Coastal Falls! The other Rangers are unable to deal with them at the moment! You must fight them until the Multiverse Force Rangers are able to join you, so they can finish them off, once and for all!”

Carlos says: “Don't worry about anything, we'll take care of them!”

Cassie asks: “But what about Justin? Why isn't he here?”

Omnus says: “Unfortunately, the powers that be have told me; that it is not yet time for Justin to play a part in saving the world yet. But rest assured, when his time comes, it will be for a VERY good cause!”

Ashley says: “Seems fair enough to me! Shift into turbo!” /

And all four of the Rangers get a single, upgraded morphing transformation! They are all standing in a desert, with colored flashes of their respective ranger colors, flashing around them, transforming them into their Power Ranger outfits, while their respective Turbo Zords zoom in behind them! /

T.J., Cassie, Ashley, and Carlos, quickly zoom in to where StarHawk, Sans, Papyrus, and the other Legendary Rangers are working, and they find that the Super Psycho Zero Girl Monsters have just arrived, and they’re already starting to ZAP everything in sight with their lasers! T.J. says: “Hey, spike-bodies! Why don’t you leave THOSE beings alone, and tangle with somebody on your OWN power level, like US?!”

But the Super Psycho Zero Girl Monsters act like T.J. said nothing, and they try to AIM at StarHawk! StarHawk says: “Hawkian Force Field!”

And she throws up an ENORMOUS green, electric force field which nullifies the blasts of the Super Psycho Zero Girl Monsters! StarHawk says: “That was a POOR decision on YOUR part! You mess with a Hawkian, you’re going to be in for a world of PAIN! Shift into Turbo! / Phantom Ranger, Turbo Power!” /

StarHawk morphs into her Ranger form, and she says: “My friends, you better get out of here NOW! We can’t afford any more collateral damage!”

Rocky says: “Take these creeps out, for your sisters’ sake!”

StarHawk says: “You know we will!”

The others run away to a safe space, and StarHawk takes down her force field, and joins the others!

Ashley says: “Glad to see you’re still on our side!”

Cassie asks: “You mean the Phantom Ranger is a GIRL?! MAN, my theory of Jason being the Phantom Ranger was WAY off then!”

Carlos asks: “But why didn’t the Super Psycho Zero Girls respond when T.J., told them to leave our friends alone?”

StarHawk says: “I can sense their auras, and the answer is not pleasant. They have been reinforced with cybernetics; that have eaten their very souls! There’s not a single trace of their original humanity left in them anymore!”

T.J. says: “If we can’t reason with them, then, what can we do?”

StarHawk says: “Only one thing we can do; we have to drive them away from the city, and stall for time, until the other Power Rangers are able to join us!”

Ashley says: “I’m with you there, StarHawk! Turbo blasters, NOW!!!!”

And the Turbo Power Rangers begin blasting at the Super Psycho Zero Girl Monsters! Even though the blasts aren’t hurting them, the blasts STILL annoy them, and they eventually begin running away from the city, forcing the Turbo Power Rangers to chase after them! Cassie says: “So far, your plan seems to be working, StarHawk!”

Carlos asks: “But how long are we going to need to fight them?!”

StarHawk answers: “However long it takes! The safety of Core Earth depends on us right now!” /

Meanwhile, BlackHawk is still in the mental realm of his Vision Quest. And he now finds himself, in a big, HUGE, red, enclosed castle structure; within a vast, green forest; that looks like it has seen countless battles and struggles over a long history of battles and struggles. BlackHawk hears a distant voice that says: “BlackHawk…MWA, HA, HA, HA!!!!”

BlackHawk says: “Something tells me I’m not in Coastal Falls anymore.”

Bigwig says: “Or Neo Chicago.”

And Bigwig appears right in front of BlackHawk, wearing some ancient, animal armor; that, while well-worn, still looks PRISTINE and protective! BlackHawk says: “Where on Core Earth are we NOW?!”

Bigwig says: “It’s actually more of a ‘When’. But WE are in the ancient animal abbey known as Redwall! Fortress to protect the small and meek animals of Mossflower Forest, founded by Martin the Warrior himself! Does the location sound familiar to you NOW?!”

BlackHawk says: “Yes. I’ve read some of the Redwall novels. I just never realized that they were actually historical documents before!”

Bigwig says: “You have shown that you can think like a rat. Now, we shall see if you can be as quick as a rabbit! You see, many small animals have called Redwall home. Including mice, squirrels, rabbits, and the occasional badger! But even in a protected place like this, there is always the threat of an invasion, from some evil, plotting animal villain, like a fox, or a wolf, or something like that! Your test this time, is a test of stamina, speed, and endurance! You will be tested, to see if you have the qualities of a rabbit! You must vanquish a total of 100 enemy ferrets, weasels, foxes, and wolves, while simultaneously protecting my many rabbit relations, within the walls of Redwall! If you can simultaneously defeat 100 enemy forces, and protect all my relations in one hour, you will receive another piece of your Orange Ruby! But I cannot let you take this test unprotected!”

And Bigwig snaps his fingers, and a brand-new suit of animal armor magically appears over BlackHawk! Bigwig says: “Your test begins, now!”

And as soon as Bigwig disappears, the ferrets, weasels, foxes, and wolves start to charge forward from the Mossflower forest! BlackHawk says: “Now THIS is the sort of challenge I expect from a Vision Quest! It won’t be easy, since I have to keep the citizens of Redwall safe, but if Anubis ‘Doggie’ Cruger can take down 100 of Emperor Grumm’s best foot-soldiers, I can take down 100 of these vicious fiends!”

Captain Retro can see the action from a distance, but an invisible force field is blocking him from being able to get any closer to viewing the action! Captain Retro says: “BlackHawk, I may not be able to help you directly, but I hope that this song that I send your way will help propel you to victory! So take it to the limit, one more time!” /

And sure enough, as BlackHawk begins beating up all the different bad guys and saving all the innocent citizens of Redwall, one of The Eagles’ signature hit songs can be heard playing in the background. /

Randy Meisner sings: “All alone at the end of the evening; when the bright lights have faded to blue. I was thinking 'bout a woman who might have loved me and I never knew. You know I've always been a dreamer. (Spent my life running 'round), and it's so hard to change. (Can't seem to settle down). But the dreams I've seen lately, keep on turning out and burning out, and turning out the same. So put me on a highway, and show me a sign! And take it to the limit one more time! You can spend all your time making money. You can spend all your love making time. If it all fell to pieces tomorrow, would you still be mine? And when you're looking for your freedom, (Nobody seems to care). And you can't find the door. (Can't find it anywhere). When there's nothing to believe in; still you're coming back, you're running back; you're coming back for more! So put me on a highway, and show me a sign! And take it to the limit one more time! Take it to the limit, take it to the limit! Take it to the limit one more time! Take it to the limit, take it to the limit, take it to the limit, one more time! Take it to the limit, take it to the limit, take it to the limit, one more time! Take it to the limit, take it to the limit, take it to the limit, one more time! Take it to the limit, take it to the limit, take it to the limit, one more time! Take it to the limit, take it to the limit, take it to the limit, one more time!” /

And the epic song ends as BlackHawk successfully defeats 100 bad guys, and has managed to keep every single citizen of Redwall safe! Bigwig reappears and he says: “Wow! That was REALLY impressive! You’ve done this BEFORE, haven’t you?!”

BlackHawk says: “Once or twice.”

Bigwig says: “If I had known that you could defeat 100 bad guys THAT easily, I would’ve made you fight 200, in order to make it a REAL challenge! But, a deal is a deal, here is another piece of your Orange Ruby, and you can keep the armor I gave you as a bonus, as a signature of our friendship.”

Bigwig hands over another piece of the Orange Ruby, and it magically reconnects to the piece that BlackHawk already has! Bigwig says: “You’ve passed two tests so far. Now, we’ll see if you can pass your toughest challenge yet!” And Bigwig suddenly disappears!

And BlackHawk says: “Like that LAST test wasn’t tough?” /

Captain Retro says: “Only one test left to go! This is where BlackHawk can TRULY prove himself! Garudia, I know you won’t make it easy on BlackHawk! But if anyone can pass your test, it’s BlackHawk!” /

The Turbo Power Rangers and StarHawk, have driven the Super Psycho Zero Girl Monsters to the abandoned rock quarry outside of Coastal Falls! T.J. says: “I don’t think we’ll be able to push those monsters any further away from the city! We’ll have to take them out here and now!”

Cassie asks: “But how? They’re so powerful!”

StarHawk says: “Just blast them with everything you’ve got! My friends were able to blast these creeps ONCE! We can do it again! They HAVE a weakness! Everything does!”

Carlos says: “StarHawk is right! We’ve just got to keep fighting until we find their weak spot, than we blast them continuously where it REALLY hurts!”

Ashley says: “I like the sound of that plan!”

StarHawk says: “Then hold nothing back, Turbo Rangers! Fire until you can’t fire anymore!”

And the Turbo Power Rangers continue their desperate attempt to stall for time, even though the Super Psycho Zero Girl Monsters show no signs of slowing down or weakening! /

At the Command Center, the alarm is blaring again! Alpha Eight says: “Aye-yai-yai-yai-yai! The Turbo Rangers aren’t making any head-way against the Super Psycho Zero Girl Monsters!”

Omnus says: “We have no choice. We must alert the available Multiverse Force Rangers immediately, and hope that they are enough to turn the tide on Dr. Maniac’s evil creations!”

Alpha Eight nervously says: “Oh, I was AFRAID you would say something like that!”

And Alpha Eight pushes the intercom buttons, to call the available Rangers! /

In Lettuce’s cool, ice-block filled bedroom, he is the first to answer the familiar, (BEEP! BEEP! Ba-BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!), signal, of his communicator! Lettuce answers it, and he asks: “What’s the problem?”

Omnus answers: “The remaining Super Psycho Zero Girls have been transformed into monsters, stripped of any former trace of their humanity! Usagi and Pinkie are being called right now, and they will join you, to help the second team of the Turbo Power Rangers and StarHawk, at the abandoned rock quarry outside of Coastal Falls, to deal with the situation!”

Lettuce says: “We’re on our way! To save the day, or night!” / And Lettuce warps out of his bedroom! /

Lettuce, Usagi, and Pinkie find themselves a safe distance away from the Super Psycho Zero Girl Monsters, but Pinkie cannot HELP but be repulsed by their horrific make-overs! Pinkie says: “EW! The Super Psycho Zero Girls look even WORSE than they did before! I didn’t even think that was possible!”

Usagi says: “It doesn’t matter what they look like! We’ve got to stop them now, or they’ll wreak havoc on what remains of Coastal Falls!”

Lettuce says: “I agree with you there! It’s MORPHING time!” / Lettuce says: “Power of Jupiter! LIGHTNING!” / Pinkie says: “Power of Venus! AETHER!” / Usagi says: “COSMORPHER! Sailor Moon! White Ranger Power!” /

The three Power Rangers do their signature jump-ins, and T.J., says: “Lettuce, Usagi, and Pinkie! You came in at the right time!”

Cassie says: “We’ve been firing like CRAZY at these guys, but nothing we’ve tried has even made them flinch, or slowed them down!”

Pinkie says: “Than it’s a good thing WE showed up! Plasma Pistol!”

And Pinkie FIRES her weapon at Super Psycho Zero Girl 02, and her left arm is COMPLETELY disintegrated! Pinkie says: “So much for HER! Who’s next on the chopping block?!”

But before anyone else can comment, all of the morphed Rangers are HORRIFIED to see Super Psycho Zero Girl 02’s disintegrated arm, REBUILD itself using the advanced cybernetics that Dr. Maniac INSTALLED into her! Then suddenly, a giant hologram of Dr. Maniac appears in the air, and he cackles and says: “MWA, HA, HA, HA!!!! Did you REALLY think it would be as simple as BLASTING them AGAIN?! The Super Psycho Zero Girl Monsters, are remotely connected with my super computer, and if there HAPPENS to be ANY problem WRONG with them, my computer can FIX the problem, and STRENGTHEN them so that the problem doesn’t happen AGAIN! Now, my pretty little monsters, DESTROY those MISERABLE Power BRATS, and turn them into McDonald’s Mulan Szechuan McNugget Sauce!”

Lettuce says: “So much for just being able to BLAST them!”

Usagi says: “We’ll just have to keep on fighting! Try and stay out of their range, but don’t stop ATTACKING! We’ve got to wear them DOWN eventually!”

StarHawk says: “Oh, where’s BlackHawk when you NEED him?!” /

BlackHawk, however, is still in the mental realm of his Vision Quest, and he is now on Bird Island, in the universe of “The Angry Birds Movie”! BlackHawk says: “Okay, this is weird, even by Ranger standards!”

And suddenly, a GOLDEN version of Tommy’s White Ranger Weapon, Saba, appears close to BlackHawk! BlackHawk grabs it, and turns around to face the awesome power of Garudia! BlackHawk says: “I had a feeling I might run into you!”

Garudia says: “You’ve come a long way just to get here. Your powers are quite impressive! You’re no ordinary mortal if you can pass BOTH Templeton’s and Bigwig’s tests! But this is where we separate the true heroes from the jokers!”

BlackHawk says: “I see. And what exactly is my test going to be this time?”

Garudia says: “A test of TRUE strength and power! Only by being able to beat ME in combat, will you be able to be deemed WORTHY of Aslan’s power! The sword you’re holding now, is just a small sample of what Aslan can give you, if you are indeed WORTHY of it!”

BlackHawk says: “You’re REALLY going all out for this test, huh?! Well, in that case, so am I!”

And BlackHawk and Garudia take to the sky, and start SWOOPING at each other, trying to punch, kick, swipe, and hit each other with EVERYTHING they’ve got, causing the birds of Bird Island; Red, Chuck, Bomb, Terrence, and Matilda, to look on in wonder, as they rarely get to see birds fight it out in their natural element! Captain Retro, invisible to the birds, looks on in wonder as well. Captain Retro says: “At long last, I get to see one of the Guardians in actual combat! And if my guess is true, he’s only using a SMALL sample of his true power, and he’s STILL more than a match for BlackHawk! But BlackHawk can’t give up now, he NEVER would! I just know that no matter how difficult the odds, BlackHawk will find SOME way to win!” /

Meanwhile, the alarm in the Command Center is blaring again! Alpha Eight says: “Aye-yai-yai-yai-yai! Even THREE of our Power Rangers fighting isn’t enough to stop the Monsters! They keep regenerating any arm or leg that the Rangers are able to blast off!”

Omnus says: “You call Woolbur Fleeceley, and have him aid the Power Rangers in battle. Meanwhile, I’ll contact the Magi-Mother, to see if the others are ready to join them in combat!”

Alpha Eight says: “I sure hope the Magi-Mother has been firing on all eight cylinders tonight!” /

Sure enough, at Root Core, the Dark Magic that has been infesting the morphers of Naruto, Toby, and Ebony, have all been absorbed into the crystal ball of the Magi-Mother, and the Magi-Mother says: “By the power invested in me, by the forces of Zordon and the Guardians, I hereby BANISH this dark energy BACK into the Chaos Realm, from which it shall NEVER return!!!!”

And the black energy EVAPORATES out of the crystal ball, until there is nothing of it left! The Magi-Mother collapses in exhaustion on a comfy chair, and tired, she says: “It is done!”

And suddenly, in her Crystal Ball, Omnus’ face appears! Omnus says: “Magi-Mother, have the morphers been fixed and expelled of their dark magic?”

The Magi-Mother says: “Yes, Omnus. I just finished extracting and dispelling the last of the dark magic energy from their morphers. Now their powers will flow directly from Root Core, to them.”

Omnus says: “Good. Because the other Rangers are needed to join the others, fighting against the Super Psycho Zero Girl Monsters at the abandoned rock quarry, NOW!”

The Magi-Mother says: “I understand, Omnus! I’ll send them there right away! Naruto, Toby, Ebony! Wake up, right NOW!!!!”

Toby, dreamily says: “But MOMMY! I don’t want to go to SCHOOL today! I want to stay home and bake COOKIES with you!”

The Magi-Mother says: “Oh, WAKE UP!!!!”

Naruto jolts awake, and he says: “All right! We’re up, we’re UP!”

Ebony says: “This better be important! I was just DREAMING that BlackHawk had told ME, that I was going to be his Hawkian QUEEN!!!!”

Toby says: “Oh, you’re not fit to be Queen of…NAME a PLACE!!!!”

Ebony suggests: “Barstow, California?”

Naruto says: “ESPECIALLY Barstow, California!”

The Magi-Mother says: “This is no time for hurling insults at potential butt-monkey targets! This is the time to take your repaired, and improved morphers into battle! Now that they are free from the influences of the Chaos Realm, you’ll be able to fight much more effectively, AND have more strength available to you! Just be careful; the Super Psycho Zero Girls are super-powerful MONSTERS now, stronger than ANYTHING you have fought before!”

Toby says: “Well, it doesn’t matter HOW strong they are! We have to fight them anyways!”

Ebony says: “No amount of insurmountable odds would EVER stop BlackHawk!”

Naruto says: “And we’re not letting them stop us, EITHER! It’s MORPHING time!” / Naruto says: “Power of Mars! FIRE!” / Toby says: “Power of Mercury! WATER!” / Ebony says: “Power of Earth! AIR!” /

The Turbo Rangers, StarHawk, and the three Multiverse Force Rangers are still DESPERATELY trying to take down the Super Psycho Zero Girl Monsters! Pinkie says: “This fight isn’t so easy without BlackHawk and the other Rangers!”

Lettuce says: “This fight isn’t so easy, PERIOD!!!!”

Usagi says: “We have to keep FIGHTING! If we don’t, who WILL?!”

A familiar voice says: “I will!”

And everyone looks up, as they see Woolbur Fleeceley, decked out in his S.P.D., uniform gear! StarHawk says: “Woolbur! We could certainly use your help!”

Woolbur says: “And I’m here to give it! S.P.D., EMERGENCY!!!!” / And Woolbur jumps into the power suit of the S.P.D. Green Ranger, in his morphing sequence! /

Woolbur says: “S.P.D. Blaster!”

And he begins firing RAPIDLY at the Super Psycho Zero Girl Monsters, taking their arms and legs off, blast by blast! T.J., says: “Hurry and attack them! Before their limbs have a chance to grow back!”

Naruto, Toby, and Ebony jump in, and Toby says: “We’ll help you out with that! Power Weapons!”

And all of the Power Rangers together, start chopping INTO the Super Psycho Zero Girl Monsters, like there IS no tomorrow, trying to blast them ALL into oblivion! But as FAST as they blast them, they seemingly reform just as FAST!!!! Woolbur says: “These girls just don’t give up!!!!”

Naruto gets angry, and he says: “Why won’t you just DIE?!!! Firefox BLASTS!!!!”

And Naruto FIRES a bunch of molten fireballs out of his fists, seemingly burning up ALL the Super Psycho Zero Girl Monsters into a crisp! The Power Rangers FINALLY collapse onto the ground, gasping and panting for breath, but on the top of the mountain-top of the abandoned rock quarry, they gaze at a NEW horror, as they see Three HUNDRED of the Super Psycho Zero Girl Monsters, lined up to attack them! Lettuce says: “I heard of stacking the odds, but this is a little much even for ME!!!!”

The hologram of Dr. Maniac maniacally says: “MWA, HA, HA, HA!!!! Like I said, my super computer can fix ANY problem WRONG with my Super Psycho Zero Girl Monsters, even if the problem IS that there is only ONE of EACH of them! So, I must ask you; if you had such a problem destroying just ONE of each of them, how will you FARE against an army of 300?!”

Carlos says: “Well, I guess we won’t know until we try, will we?!”

Ashley says: “We won’t survive this, will we?”

Cassie says: “Unlikely. Well, it was nice working with all of you!”

Usagi says: “Just KEEP fighting! It’s not over, until we SAY it’s over!” /

Meanwhile, high above Bird Island in BlackHawk’s Vision Quest, BlackHawk is trying as HARD as he can to even put a SCRATCH on Garudia, but nothing that he tries even seems to FAZE Garudia! Garudia says: “Why don’t you just GIVE up the FIGHT?! You know better than ANYONE how powerful I truly am!”

BlackHawk says: “That’s the one thing I can NEVER do!”

Garudia says: “Than I guess I have NO choice!”

And BlackHawk prepares for Garudia’s strongest, but instead, Garudia kneels down, and holds out the final piece of the Orange Ruby. Garudia says: “You passed the test, BlackHawk!”

BlackHawk says: “Than what was all this fighting about?”

Templeton, and Bigwig reappear, and Captain Retro finally reappears to BlackHawk’s view. Templeton says: “You haven’t REALLY been fighting against our tests! You’ve been fighting for your right to live!”

Bigwig says: “And you’ve shown that your stamina, strength, endurance, and inner strength, are more powerful than any Ranger power!”

Captain Retro says: “You’ve proven yourself worthy of Aslan’s strength! Now, the last piece of the Orange Ruby, is yours!”

BlackHawk takes it, and it magically re-connects, to make a FULL Orange Ruby! But, INSTEAD of glowing a glow of Orange, it begins to magically CHANGE, and gets infused with a GOLDEN light of power! A lion ROARS in the distance! BlackHawk asks: “What’s happening?!”

Captain Retro says: “It’s the ancient prophecy Aslan foresaw! The Orange Ruby is changing to fulfill its ultimate potential! It’s becoming the Golden Gem, and its power is connecting you to the Morphing Grid!”

Sure enough, the spirit of a fierce lion FLOWS into the NOW Golden Gem, and BlackHawk TRANSFORMS, into a GOLDEN Ranger, with an orange power vest, and the emblem of the lion on it! And a holster, for the golden version of Saba still in his hands! Garudia says: “You have earned the right, to become a new Power Ranger! The Power of the Sun, and the Leo Lionzord, are now yours to command! And with your new-found connection to the Morphing Grid, these powers can NEVER be overcome by the forces of evil!”

BlackHawk says: “Thank you guys, for everything!”

Bigwig says: “If you should ever need us again, we will ALWAYS be watching!”

BlackHawk says: “I’ll be sure to keep that in mind!”

Captain Retro says: “It’s time for us to go home, BlackHawk! The other Rangers need us!”

BlackHawk says: “Right! Back into action!” And the two of them WARP out of the mental realm! Templeton looks on, and he says: “Good luck, Power Ranger!” /

The other Power Rangers are getting knocked AROUND by the countless copies of the Super Psycho Zero Girl Monsters! Toby says: “These creeps are TOO strong!”

Pinkie says: “Our power are evaporating FASTER than water through a spaghetti strainer!”

Naruto says: “This CAN’T be how it ends!”

And a big voice says, “NO!!!! This ISN’T how it ends!”

And the Rangers look on top of the mountain-top, and as the SUN is rising, it’s shining a GOLDEN light, on the NEW Golden Ranger, on top of the hill! Lettuce asks: “A new, Gold Ranger?!”

And BlackHawk jumps down, and lands on the ground effortlessly! The hologram of Dr. Maniac evilly says: “Get him! KILL HIM!!!! TURN INTO MULAN SZECHUAN MCNUGGET SAUCE!!!!”

BlackHawk says: “Okay, Saba 2, time to see what you’re TRULY made of!!!!”

And with an INCREDIBLE speed and fury the Power Rangers have NEVER witnessed before, the Gold Ranger EFFORTLESSLY speeds along, and starts HACKING up the Super Psycho Zero Girl Copies one by one, making them LOOK like they’re standing STILL, and EASILY dodging their best blaster attacks! Dr. Maniac’s hologram screams: “Are you BLIND as well as USELESS?! He’s JUST ONE STINKING POWER RANGER!!!!”

BlackHawk says: “Maybe you haven’t heard, but ONE, can make ALL the difference in the world! Solar light STRIKE!!!!”

And using the power of the SUN itself, powerful solar energy POURS onto the Super Psycho Zero Girl Monsters, and Dr. Maniac screams: “STOP!!!! You’re disintegrating their VERY molecular BEINGS!!!! I can’t bring them back from nothing! STOP!!!!”

But BlackHawk pays no heed, as all the Super Psycho Zero Girl Monster copies EXPLODE into nothingness, except for the ORIGNAL three that have WEARILY grabbed onto each other, but are EXTREMELY exhausted from having to endure BlackHawk’s attack! Dr. Maniac says: “FINE!!!! You can take care of 300, but how about fighting against THREE giant-sized Super Psycho Zero Girl Monsters?!”

And Dr. Maniac fires his Bigga Ray at the monsters, and grows them into giant size! BlackHawk says: “Stand back, guys! I’ve got a brand new zord! Let’s see how it works!”

And a familiar, slightly altered tune plays in the background, and sings: “Gold Ranger Lion Power! Gold Ranger Lion Power! Gold Ranger Lion Power! Gold Ranger Lion Power!”

And a giant, Golden Lion Zord, comes running from across the rugged terrain! BlackHawk flies up to the cock-pit entrance, and he says: “All right, Aslan! Let’s see if this zord is as powerful as YOU say it is!”

And BlackHawk jumps inside, where there are a bunch of different spheres of energy, with descriptive symbols on them, hanging in the back of BlackHawk’s zord! BlackHawk says: “Let’s CUT these monsters DOWN to size!”

And the Lion Zord flashes forward with solar light, slashing into the monsters a BUNCH of times, but the monsters are STILL standing! BlackHawk says: “That was just a warm-up! Convert into Warrior mode!”

And the Lion Zord, changes from looking LIKE a lion, to looking like a giant, golden warrior, with the face of a lion on the front of his chest! The lion is holding a giant sphere of blue energy in his mouth, from which the attacks that BlackHawk fires can be fired from! Naruto says: “That’s incredible! Why can’t MY personal zord do that?!”

BlackHawk says: “Let’s show Dr. Maniac what REAL power looks like! Fire up the Solar Sword!!!!”

And BlackHawk grabs out, what at FIRST, looks like an empty holster, but by FOCUSING the power of the sun INTO the holster, it creates a super-charged, physical saber of ENERGY!!!! BlackHawk says: “Solar Sword STRIKE!!!!”

And BlackHawk cuts into the Super Psycho Zero Girl Monsters once, twice, and THREE times each, and the over-whelming power of the zord is TOO much for them to handle, and they all collapse and EXPLODE on the ground! BlackHawk says: “Dr. Maniac, it’s time you got the message! The Power Rangers are HERE to stay, and you are no match for our combined powers!” /

Meanwhile, Dr. Maniac is positively FURIOUS about this latest out-come, and he’s electrically BLASTING at everything in sight, with his cybernetic arm!!!! Fara says: “Your grace! My great master! Take a moment to cool down and watch your blood and oil pressure!!!!”

Dr. Maniac angrily says: “I thought I TOLD EVERYONE THAT I WANTED THE POWER RANGERS DEAD!!!!”

Mettzler says: “Indeed you did, sire! And we WILL kill them, as soon as we can!”

Dr. Maniac says: “Than why are they not DEAD ALREADY?!!! When I want a Power Ranger DEAD, they become DEAD!!!! AND WHO DO I HAVE TO KILL TO GET SOME MULAN SZECHUAN MCNUGGET SAUCE?! I WANT THE MULAN SZECHUAN MCNUGGET SAUCE!!!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! I WILL NOT REST UNTIL I AM ABLE TO POUR THAT SAUCE ALL OVER THE CARCASSES OF THOSE DEAD POWER RANGERS!!!! I WILL MAKE THOSE POWER RANGERS SUFFER LIKE NEVER BEFORE!!!!”

Meison says: “Kunzite and Benzite, you had BETTER be careful! I don’t think Dr. Maniac will tolerate ANOTHER humiliating loss like the one he had today!”

Kunzite says: “Oh, boy! I sure do believe THAT one!” /

The Rangers run forward to meet the new, Golden Ranger, who was able to do so effortlessly, what they had STRUGGLED to do! Lettuce says: “From one Ranger to another, we must truly thank you!”

Pinkie says: “Yeah, you took down the Super Psycho Zero Girl Monsters so EASILY! You’re amazing!”

Captain Retro flies in, and he says: “Of course he is! He’s BlackHawk!”

Everyone else says: “THAT’S BlackHawk?!!!”

And BlackHawk takes off his power helmet, and reveals himself to the other Power Rangers! StarHawk says: “BlackHawk, it IS you! I am SO glad!”

BlackHawk says: “You’re not too sad about what happened with your sister?!”

StarHawk says: “She placed a Lesbian hex on me, remember?! I just wanted to apologize for the way I handled our relationship before!”

Ebony says: “Just a stinking minute! I had my eyes set on BlackHawk long before YOU ever thought of coming to Core Earth! I call first dibs!”

BlackHawk scoffs, and says: “Not on your LIFE, Ebony! You turned DOWN my opportunity of loving you TWICE!!!! I’m not letting you do it again! You WANT Toby so bad, you can HAVE him!”

Naruto glances at Ebony and Toby smugly, as if to say, “I told you so!” And Ebony and Toby just growl angrily in response!

BlackHawk says: “And StarHawk, I am willing to give you another chance, if you don’t mind sharing me with the anthropomorphic D.O.G.! He has also expressed an interest of loving me.”

StarHawk says: “As far as I’m concerned, that would HARDLY be a strange relationship after all WE’VE gone through! Besides, if it means I get to be with you, I am all for it!”

BlackHawk says: “Sounds like a date, then!”

StarHawk says: “You know it does!”

And they both, romantically walk into the sunset. BlackHawk says: “StarHawk, I think this is the beginning of a BEAUTIFUL friendship!”

The End! (For Now!)

[Goobz]

The Goofy Gooberz Show - S2 EP11 - A Forum Full of Eevees

 

Mythix: Just another day in #pokemanz…

Pokecord: An Eevee appears!

Mythix Ooh! An Eevee!

Pokecord: Multiple Eevees appear!

Mythix:  WOW! THEY’RE SO CUTE!!!

Mythix: P!catch Eevee!

Pokecord: Multiple Eevees have been caught.

Pokecord: Would you like to send them to SBC?

Mythix I’ve never seen a response like that from Pokecord before… but okay! 

Mythix: Yes!

Pokecord: Success! Now to look at SBC!

Mythix: *switches to SBC*

Mythix *gasp*  THERE ARE EEVEES ALL OVER SBC! AND THEY’RE ADORABLE!

Jjs: *logs in* Alright, what’s going on tod-

Jjs: What the… EEVEES?! WHY ARE THERE EEVEES ALL OVER SBC!

Eevees: *prancing around*

Jjs: I. HATE. EEVEES! *faints*

GoofyGooberz: *drinking soda* Hey jjs, why did you die?

GoofyGooberz: *looks at Eevees* Oh… boy.

Mythix: THEY’RE SO CUTE!

GoofyGooberz: THEY ARE!!!

Winter: *logs in* WHAT THE-

GoofyGooberz: Oh don’t tell me you’re going to faint too, Winter.

Winter: No... I. REALLY. HATE. EEVEES!

GoofyGooberz: That’s not good…

Mythix: EEVEES! RUN FREE! *throws bag of PokePuffs*

Winter: Looks like my forum scavenger hunt skills are finally coming into play! Heheh!

Winter: *pulls out net launcher*

GoofyGooberz: Wow, Winter! You have a net launcher? *gasp* And it looks like the one in Sandy’s Rocket!

Winter: Yep!

Winter: …

Winter: *runs off to search for Eevees* GET BACK HERE YOU RODENTS!

Mythix: I don’t think so! *runs after Winter*

GoofyGooberz: WAIT UP MYTHIX!

GoofyGooberz: *sees something and halts* Huh? Did jjs add a new subforum?

GoofyGooberz: *walks towards unknown subforum* It has no name on it. Just a bunch of… wingdings?

GoofyGooberz: I’m going in. *walks into subforum*

In the subforum…

GoofyGooberz: *echoes* Hello? Is anyone in here?

GoofyGooberz: *sees light at the end* Huh? *runs towards it*

GoofyGooberz: What the? *feels the floor escalating*

GoofyGooberz: *stops and sees chair in front of supercomputer* That’s a big computer…

Squiddy: *turns around in chair* HEY GOOFY! 

GoofyGooberz: SQUIDDYFACE?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!

Squiddy: You see, Goofy… these Eevees… were from the Discord… Pokecord went agianst its code and gave out commands I programmed it to give out and I hacked SBC also… for all these Eevees to be here.

GoofyGooberz: But… why?

Squiddy: Well, I was bored and Eevees are cute! But I see Winter does not like them. He doesn’t know what they’re going to do next… Heheh.

Meanwhile…

Winter: GET… OVER… HERE!!

Eevees: *stop*

Winter: *catches up* Bingo!

Winter: *is about to pull the trigger on the net launcher*

Eevees: *stand up and dab* DAB ON ‘EM!

Winter: *launches net* Heh, like that’ll stop me!

Net: *bounces off Eevees*

Mythix: *catches up to Winter* What the…

Net: *catches Winter and Mythix*

Back at the empty subforum…

Squiddy: Sorry Mythix… but this is my forum now! And I say this is now… THE EEVEE COMMUNITY!

Squiddy: *over shoutbox* EEVEES RUN FREE! FREE! THIS IS YOUR FORUM NOW!

Squiddy: Sorry Goofy. *pulls out net launcher and catches Goofy*

GoofyGooberz: Jjs, somebody help!

Squiddy: Shouting won’t help you! 

Jjs: *wakes up* Huh? I feel a disturbance… a member needs help.

Jjs: Help, with a problem… a problem AN ADMIN LIKE ME CAN HANDLE! *grabs banhammer*

Jjs: What the? I didn’t make a new sub-forum! So why- oh, that must be whoever’s behind this’ “secret lair”

Jjs: *looks closely* A light! That must be where their at!

Jjs: *jumps into Squiddy’s lair*

Jjs: *sneaks up on him*

Squiddy: HAHHA! THIS IS SO GODLY!

Jjs: See ya, Squiddy.

Jjs: PERMA AND IP BAN… PLUS ULTRA!

BOOM!

GoofyGooberz: I didn’t know you liked My Hero Academia, jjs!

Jjs: I don’t! I just learned being a weeb makes you slightly powerful.

GoofyGooberz: Oh. So what about all these Eevees?

Jjs: EEVEES?! *faints*

GoofyGooberz: Sigh…

 

The end

[Rebel the Wolfgirl]

THE RENEVERSE

A quick announcement.

Spoiler

Another work is being created as a supplementary series in the Reneverse.

Coming soon.

 

[Goobz]

The Goofy Gooberz Show - S2 EP4 - Shitposter’s Night Out

 

Squiddy: Hey RDSP, get coffee and tell him to get Winter.

RDSP: Got it. *walks to coffee’s room*

RDSP: Hey coffee, get Wintermelon43 will ya?

Coffee_lover: Ok. *walks to Winter’s room*

RDSP: Hey Win-

Winter: I heard you from the other room. 

RDSP: Let’s just get back to Squiddy already.

Back at Squiddy’s room…

Squiddy: Fellas, tonight we party.

RDSP: ROCKERS IN THE HOU

Winter: SE TONIGHT! 

RDSP:  

Squiddy: You’ve got the spirit already!

RDSP: Whaddya mean?

Squiddy: Tonight, is Shitposter’s Night Out.

Winter: AYYYYYY!!!

Coffee: AYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

RDSP and Squiddy: AYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Squiddy: Well, it’s 4 PM so I’ll just take a shitposter’s nap

RDSP: I’ll play on my shitposter 3DS!

Coffee: I’ll make shitposter’s coffee.

Winter: Wow, this shitposter phenomenon sure is spreading fast.

Squiddy: As planned!  Shitposters…

Squiddy: Shall rule tonight… heheheh…

At 7 PM…

Squiddy: Gather around shitposting squad!

Coffee, Winter, and RDSP: *line up*

Squiddy: Are you ready?

Coffee, Winter, and RDSP: YEAH!

Squiddy: Then let’s goooo!!!

In Squiddy’s car...

Squiddy: Fellas, this is the shitposting mobile.

Coffee, Winter, and RDSP: Woah…

Coffee, Winter, and RDSP: So many memes on it… LOOK A FUG KEYCHAIN!

Squiddy: Enough gawking, fellas! Onward!

Squiddy: *starts car and drives off*

Squiddy: First stop, SBM.

Coffee, Winter, and RDSP: Oh yeah…

Squiddy: There it is, up ahead…

Coffee, Winter, Squiddy, and RDSP: HEY SSJ! YOU SUCK! *throws rolled up newspapers at him*

Ssj: Huh? WHAT THE?! HEY!

Ssj: *unfolds papers*

Ssj: *reads papers* SBC gets 75% more activity than SBM…

Ssj: *walks inside in shame* Oh…

Coffee, Winter, and RDSP: BAHAHHAHHA!

Squiddy: Good one fellas!

Squiddy: Next up, a Sonic forum.

Coffee, Winter, and RDSP: Are you sure Squiddy, they have the wildest opinions in the Internet West!

Squiddy: Just watch.

Squiddy: *pulls up to Sonic Stadium Forums*

Coffee, Winter, and RDSP: *watch nervously* What’s his move…

Squiddy: Hey.

Sonic Stadium: What?

Squiddy: Sonic Heroes…

Sonic Stadium: Yeah…

Squiddy: IS BETTER THAN ALL OF THE CLASSICS! SEE YA!

Sonic Stadium: GRRRR LEMME AT HIM, LEMME AT HIM! D:<

Squiddy: HAHAHAH! Now that was good.

Winter: Nice lie, Squiddy!

Squiddy: Whaddya mean, I was telling the truth!

Winter: Uh- nevermind…

Squiddy: Woop! That was a hoot! Let’s head home!

Coffee, Winter, and RDSP: Thanks for the night out Squiddy!

Squiddy: No probl- *sees mirror of behind the car*

Coffee, Winter, and RDSP: *look behind*

Coffee, Winter, and RDSP: Yes problem.

Squiddy: IT’S THE INTERNET COPS! WE MUST’VE OFFENDED SSJ AND SONIC STADIUM!

RDSP: They are pretty proud of their forums. :smirk~1:

Squiddy: THIS IS NO TIME FOR JOKES, WE GOTTA GET BACK TO SBC!

Squiddy: That was pretty funny though… :smirk~1: :smirk~1:

Squiddy: TIME TO SHIFT INTO MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE!

Squiddy’s car zooms off a cliff!

Squiddy: Oh boy.

Coffee, Winter, RDSP, and Squiddy: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

CRASH!

Coffee: Ugh, where are we…

Coffee: LOOK IT’S SBC!

Coffee, Winter, RDSP, and Squiddy: *enter SBC*

Internet Cop: HANDS IN THE AIR! WE HAVE A WARRANT FOR 4 SHITPOSTERS ON THIS NIGHT… WHERE ARE THEY?!

Jjs: *yawn* Guys, what are you doing up so la-

Jjs: WHAT THE?!

Jjs: What is going on here?!

Internet Cop: Hey… my buddy who works for security at Target told me about you…

Internet Cop: You must’ve been behind this, so you’re going downtown buddy.

Jjs: WHAT?! I JUST GOT OUT OF JAIL?! I WENT TO JAIL IN THE FIRST EPISODE OF THIS SEASON FOR GODS SAKE! NOOO!!!!!

Coffee, Winter, RDSP, and Squiddy: …

Coffee, Winter, RDSP, and Squiddy: GOOD NIGHT!

Coffee, Winter, RDSP, and Squiddy: *go to their rooms and turn off the lights*

RDSP: At least jjs won’t bug as anymore 

Squiddy: LMAO  

 

The end

[4EverGreen]

This was a piece of literature I initially created for the 2018 Halloween Scary Story Contest. I know it's a little late (early) to post this, but I want to in order to FORCE myself to create new works of literature to re-run. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it!  /

A mysterious voice says: "Submitted for your approval; there is a place underwater, where the normal rules of logic and coherency do not apply. While this is normal for the standards of these sea creatures, there are some events that go beyond what even THEY can comprehend and accept. When this happens, perceptions are shattered, viewpoints are altered, and beliefs are challenged, as to what is, and what isn't real. This is a zone not defined by geography, but a zone defined by mind, superstitious beliefs, curses, magic, and mundane made awesome. This is a place simply referred to as: The Tidal Zone." /

"The Sea Monkey Hypothesis" . The Mysterious voice says: "We open up on an ordinary day, in the busy, busting town of Bikini Bottom. Home to many interesting sea creatures with various character traits and quirks. But our story today, focuses on one character known as Spongebob Squarepants. A plucky, lovable, if somewhat annoying to SOME sea creatures, guy, who is an all loving character to children, pets, and a certain squirrel by the name of Sandy. So naturally, when Spongebob sees an ad that tugs at his heartstrings, he HAS to react to it." The ad plays Sarah Maclachlan's "Adia" over a montage of tiny sea monkeys (who resemble ACTUAL monkeys), looking really sad, abused, and neglected! A beautiful fish, RESEMBLING Sarah Maclachlan (and VOICED by her), says: "Hi, I'm Sarah Maclachlan, and this is a stereotypical song recorded by me, to guilt-trip you into feeling for these tiny creatures. These creatures, through no fault of their own, have been abused, mistreated, neglected, or just not been walked in three days. But there IS hope! For just the low, LOW price of $19.99 (quickly) plus $8.99 shipping and handling (normally) YOU can provide a safe, happy, loving, nourishing home for these sea monkeys!" Spongebob asks: "Who, ME?!" Sarah Maclachlan says: "Yes, you! Just dial our toll-free number; 555-5555, to find out how YOU can provide a home to 4,444 sea monkeys!" Spongebob asks: "Wait a minute. Isn't that the EXACT same phone number for every single OTHER ad and/or place of residence and/or business that I know of in this town?" Sarah Maclachlan says: "Just make the call. It's the only phone number we are ALLOWED to say, where we WON'T get sued!" Spongebob picks up the phone, and says: "Makes sense to me!" /

The scene cuts to Spongebob getting a knock on the door, and Norton says: "Package for Spongebob!" Spongebob opens the door and says: "That was FAST! It felt like only FIVE seconds passed!" Norton says: "Really? Felt more like FIVE hours to me! Which is STILL kind of fast for a delivery of this nature if you THINK about it!" Spongebob hands over the money and says: "Here's the $19.99, plus $8.99 for shipping and handling!" Norton says: "Thank you. Now be careful that you don't--." But Spongebob SLAMS the door in Norton's face! Norton just shakes his head and sighs: "They NEVER listen to the warning!" Spongebob says: "Gary, my latest contribution for the betterment of Bikini Bottom has arrived!" Gary inquisitively asks: "Meow?" Spongebob says: "Yes, it HAS, Gary! Sea Monkeys! All 4,444 of them!" And Spongebob holds up an aquarium FILLED with water, but it looks like there's nothing in it! Gary angrily says: "Meow, meow, MEOW!!!!" Spongebob asks: "What do you MEAN, 'I got ripped OFF?!' The Sea Monkeys ARE in there, they are just TOO tiny to be seen by the untrained eye! Luckily, I have a magnifying glass so we can observe for ourselves!" And Spongebob pulls out a magnifying glass, and looks into the aquarium. Sure enough, he SEES a bunch of tiny sea monkeys in the aquarium, acting like ACTUAL monkeys, by hanging around in the coral trees, scratching themselves, and eating THEIR equivalent of bananas. Gary groans, and says: "Meow." Spongebob says: "I KNOW it doesn't LOOK like they're THAT exciting, but I'm sure that once you get to know them, they're quite fun!" Gary shakes his head, and says: "Meow, meow, meow!" Spongebob says: "What do you MEAN by, 'Every time I take in a pet OTHER than you, it always ENDS in disaster?!' That's NOT true, is it?!"

Gary says: "Meow! Meow, meow!" Spongebob groans, and says: "Fine! There was that time I found a wild seahorse that ate some of Mr. Krab's money, and the time I tried to take care of a wild sea bunny, and ESPECIALLY that time with the Nudibranch, which I have PROFUSELY apologized to you over a MILLION times for, but I'm a MUCH better pet owner for having gone through those experiences! I'm not going to make THOSE same mistakes again!" Than the door slams open, and Patrick says: "Hey, Spongebob!" Spongebob says: "Oh, hi Patrick!" Patrick asks: "Want to see the latest Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy movie?! It's playing downtown at The Reef, for PG-13 audiences ONLY!" Spongebob says: "I've already seen that movie THREE times already! Besides, whoever Mr. Lawrence is, he can't replace the ACTUAL Mermaid Man! At least, not in MY books! And besides that, I've got 4,444 sea monkeys to take care of!" Patrick asks: "Monkeys?! Well, where ARE the monkeys?!" Spongebob says: "They're inside this little aquarium, but you need this magnifying glass to see them though." Patrick says: "Cool! Let me see!" Patrick peers through the magnifying glass, and sees a bunch of monkeys going behind a bush. The camera pans BACK to Patrick's face, and he makes a CLEARLY grossed-out face, saying: "EWWW!!!!" Spongebob asks: "What?! What did you see?!" Patrick says: "Trust me. You do NOT want to know! TAKE my WORD for it! Let's just say whoever RAISED these sea monkeys, did NOT teach them the proper manner for going to use the restroom. Honestly, it's almost as gross as the time Bubble Bass said he would PAY me two nickels to make lemonade out of Squidward's ink AND make ice cream out of a toilet!" Spongebob asks: "THAT'S why you did those things?!"

Patrick says: "Spongebob, I don't do something BLATANTLY out of character for ME, unless I get the PROPER incentive to do so! EVERYBODY has standards, you know! In any case, what's so great about watching a bunch of sea monkeys?! They're small, they're tiny, they're petite, they're miniature, and furthermore, they're the opposite of BIG!" Spongebob says: "Patrick, those words ALL mean the exact same thing!" Patrick says: "All right, here's a different reason, and I speak from PERSONAL experience, they're DUMB!!!! There's no movie theaters, no arcade centers, no restaurants, no plumbing, no...architecture!" Spongebob says: "First of all, I'm SURPRISED that you even KNOW what the word 'architecture' MEANS!" Patrick says: "I surprise myself sometimes." Spongebob says: "Secondly, what were YOU expecting?! They're just SEA monkeys! Living the simple life is all they KNOW!" Patrick says: "Well, it's STILL boring! I wish we could SOMEHOW make them scientifically smarter! I wish we could just SOMEHOW find out what they are thinking, just to know what they're like!" Spongebob says: "Than why don't we just use Sandy's 'Make Sea Monkeys Scientifically Smarter-o-macrifier' thingy that she built last Tuesday?" Patrick is drinking some Pepsi, and he SPIT takes it onto Spongebob, who absorbs it, BEING a sponge! Patrick gasps and says: "What a BRILLIANT idea! You absorb information like you're...part SPONGE or something!" Gary sarcastically says: "Meow." Spongebob rolls his eyes, and says: "It's EASIER just to play along with him." /

The scene changes to the inside of the Tree Dome, where Spongebob and Patrick are wearing water helmets, and Sandy is dressed up like a scientist. Sandy says: "I sure am glad you fellas came over to ask ME my personal opinion on the whole matter! It's mighty mature of you!" Spongebob says: "Well, I didn't want to jump to conclusions or anything; not like the time I ASSUMED everyone in Bikini Bottom was aliens, or that time that I accidentally warped ourselves into the Doodle Dimension!" Sandy says: "Well personally, I've been looking for an excuse to try out an experiment like this! It would make for a PERFECT candidate for the best Scientific Study of the YEAR award! It might even win me the Nobel Prize!" Patrick asks: "What's a 'No BELL' prize?!" Spongebob says: "It's pronounced 'NOBLE', and it's kind of like the award YOU won for doing absolutely nothing LONGER than anyone else, only fancier! You could probably WIN one if you EVER decided to read a bunch of BOOKS again!" Patrick says: "Only when I'm outside! Learned MY lesson the last time!" Sandy says: "Trust me, this scientific experiment should prove to be VERY interesting! Why, I'm sure with the THREE of us working together, we'll make scientific history!" Patrick nervously says: "Uh, I wasn't told there was going to be any WORK involved!" Sandy says: "Don't sweat it! I mean, it's no big deal! All you have to do, is to use this special monitor that I've installed over the sea monkeys, in order to monitor their progress. I want to see what happens, when knowledge is introduced into a wild sea creatures! That way, we can finally find out once and for all, if it is KNOWLEDGE that causes critters to become dangerous, or is it the misuse of knowledge that makes all the difference?" Spongebob asks: "You mean there's risk involved?"

Sandy says: "Sure. Practically everything revolving around science involves SOME risk, but what fun WOULD science be without the risk?! Well, I guess it would TECHNICALLY still be science, but it would feel like SOMETHING is missing. Something that feels...risky!" Spongebob asks: "So, what kind of risk are we talking about?" Sandy says: "Well, I had the foresight to install a Danger-o-meter on my monitor. It will monitor the intelligence and the behavior of the sea monkeys, to see if they're capable of BEING a danger to US and the world at large!" Patrick asks: "What happens IF they become THAT smart?!" Sandy HONESTLY looks stumped, and she says: "I don't know, but THAT will never happen!" Sandy goes to her computer pushes some buttons, than goes to the BIG, red, start-up button, and she says: "Okay, THIS probably won't explode!" Spongebob shouts: "Wait, the WHAT?!!!" And Sandy PUSHES the Big Red Button, causing a BIG ray gun, to shoot a BURST of electricity into the sea monkeys aquarium, infusing them with the genetic code for intelligence and wisdom! When the ray gun is done firing, Sandy says: "It's a success! The sea monkeys LIVE! Let's see the results!" And when they peer at the monitor, they are amazed when one of the formerly WILD Sea Monkeys runs over to a burning branch, picks it up, and to the tune of "Also Sprach Zathrusa", holds it up triumphantly, runs back to his fellow sea monkeys, puts it on a circle of firewood, creating THEIR very first fire! Sandy says: "AMAZING! They've only been intelligent for fifteen seconds, and they've ALREADY discovered how to use FIRE! Usually, you have to pay EXTRA for that!" Patrick says: "Cool! What happens next?!" Sandy says: "Unfortunately, these kinds of experiments take TIME to fully determine what's going to happen."

Patrick asks: "So, how much time are we talking about?" Sandy says: "I don't know. Maybe, NINETEEN years, at the most!" Patrick is once AGAIN drinking Pepsi, and spit takes it onto Spongebob, who absorbs it again! Spongebob says: "AGAIN with the spit-take?!" Patrick doesn't even answer him, and Patrick asks: "NINETEEN years?! I'm not spending nineteen years living in a tree dome! It's no PLACE for a sea star!" Sandy groans, and says: "Fine. I only need ONE other person helping me out with this experiment anyways!" Spongebob waves his hand excitedly, and says: "Ooh, ooh! Can I be your one other person?! We can be MARRIED!" Patrick asks: "Aren't you ALREADY married?" Sandy says: "Are you talking about that play we did?" Patrick asks: "That was a play?" Spongebob says: "The minister said he didn't KNOW it was a play!" Sandy says: "We REALLY need to get some kind of clarity on that matter!" Patrick says: "Well, in any case, I'm out of here! Spongebob, when you're ready to do something fun, you know where to find me." Spongebob says: "But spending time with Sandy IS fun!" Patrick looks dumb-struck, and he says: "It's STARTING!!!! You THINK you KNOW a guy!" And he walks out of the tree dome! Sandy says: "Don't listen to THAT sour sea star! He's just acting petty and jealous! You'll have PLENTY of time to spend with him once the experiment is over! After all, nineteen YEARS isn't forever!" Spongebob says: "Exactly! It's the same amount of time a couple of animated, popular, sometimes controversial, sometimes cancelled shows have been on the air. Maybe even LONGER! In any case, I always like spending time with you, Sandy!" Sandy says: "I do to, Spongebob!" She yawns, and she says: "Well, it's getting pretty late. Why don't we hang up our Tesla coils for the night and call it a day?"

Spongebob says: "Sounds good to me, Sandy! We can have a sleepover! Only with more science! I've always wanted to HAVE a SCIENCE sleepover!" Sandy says: "You mean to tell me you've never HAD a science sleepover before? How do you even know if it's something that you've always wanted?" Spongebob says: "Well, I don't KNOW that I want it or not, but I won't know until I've HAD one, will I?!" Sandy looks speechless, and she says: "Well, I can't argue with you THERE! I guess even a broken clock is right at least TWICE a day, unless it's on military time, in which case it's only right once!" / The scene shifts to night time, Sandy is sleeping in her bed, while Spongebob is sleeping on a mattress outside in a swimming pool. At least, Spongebob sleeps until his stomach growls, and he wakes up. Spongebob asks: "How can I be hungry at a time like this, when Sandy is counting on me to be super-focused on her scientific experiment? I'll just go inside and check her fridge. I'll just write an I.O.U., in case I take anything." Spongebob puts on his water helmet, walks to the tree, than pauses to check the monitor of the aquarium containing the sea monkeys. Spongebob says: "I wonder how my little friends are doing? I'm sure Sandy would WANT me to check on them, to make sure that they're all right." Spongebob looks at the monitor, and sees a bunch of sea monkeys living in caves, wearing lion FISH skins, and it looks like they have chalk and chewed up berries for art materials, but they're just sitting around, not having any appropriate art inspirations! Spongebob says: "Oh, man! The sea monkeys are all BORED! I don't want my little friends to be bored! But if I can't see THEM without the monitor, how can they possibly hope to see ME?!"

Than Spongebob perks up and he says: "Of course! My magnifying glass! If it can make SMALL objects appear LARGER, maybe it can allow SMALL objects to see LARGE objects! I mean, it's worth a shot!" Spongebob tiptoes to the aquarium, and GENTLY puts the magnifying glass pointing outwards from the tank. Spongebob says: "Now, to provide some suitable artistic images for my tiny friends to be inspired by! Spongebob grabs his bubble wand, and blows images of manatees, sea lions, seals, and sea horses, AND himself! Spongebob says: "And with my super-duty, super-strong, super-tough, super-durable bubble soap, guaranteed to last ten times LONGER than ordinary bubble soap or DOUBLE your money back, they'll see my artwork AND know of the artist who CREATED them! I can't WAIT to see what they create!" And Spongebob rushes off into the tree for something to eat, unaware that the sea monkeys have FOUND the magnifying sea glass, and are SEEING the bubble creations from THEIR perspective... / The scene shifts to morning, as dawn breaks across the ocean, as well as the aquarium. Spongebob wakes up, puts on his water helmet, than a clam crows like a rooster, and Spongebob sees the crowing be LOUD enough to cause the bubbles to BURST! Spongebob says: "Oh, MAN! Now the sea monkeys will never see the--." Sandy says: "Spongebob! What's with the I.O.U. Note on my fridge?" Spongebob says: "Well, it was late last night and I was hungry and--." Sandy shouts: "And what in TARNATION have the sea monkeys been up to?!" Spongebob asks: "What do you mean?!" Sandy shouts: "Just take a look, on the monitor!"

Spongebob rushes over to the monitor, and he sees a bunch of cave paintings, that are drawn to RESEMBLE the bubbles he had blown! Spongebob says: "Ah, the sea monkeys DID see the bubbles I blew for them after all! That's good!" Sandy says: "Not THAT, silly! I mean, THIS!!!!" And Sandy SWITCHES the monitor view, to show a HUGE to the sea monkeys (but only knee height to Spongebob), PYRAMID, complete with a sphinx shaped like Spongebob, and a bunch of statues carved in Spongebob's image! Sandy says: "This is simply ASTOUNDING! How the HECK did this happen?!" Spongebob says: "Well, the sea monkeys were bored, so I thought I'd provide them some artistic inspiration. But, I never taught them HOW to make pyramids, or sphinxes shaped like me, or for them to carve statues in my image!" Sandy says: "How would they even KNOW what you LOOK like?! From their perspective, you should be too far AWAY to see properly!" Spongebob nervously says: "I, MAY have put a magnifying glass inside their aquarium, so they can see us, the way WE can see them! Is, there a problem with that?!" Sandy says: "Spongebob, you've given them THEIR equivalent of a TELESCOPE! You introduced a piece of technology that they SHOULDN'T have for...however long THEIR equivalent of thousands of years ends up being!" Spongebob says: "Is that a BAD thing?!" Sandy says: "Well, I'm not sure WHAT it means! All that I can conclude is that BECAUSE you provided the sea monkeys with art, they SEEM to have come to revere you as some kind of...GOD." Spongebob says: "But I can't be a GOD!!!! Remember that one time Neptune tried to make me a Fry Cook of the Gods?! That didn't pan out, remember?" Sandy says: "I'm not ASKING you to be a God!"

Spongebob asks: "But if they're treating me like a God, doesn't that give me some sort of supernatural responsibilities?" Sandy says: "Spongebob, for the sake of the scientific experiment, I forbid you from interfering in their evolutionary endeavors any further! Besides, the LAST thing you want is for those innocent sea creatures to think that they can depend on you like you're some sort of GOD! Trust me, you do NOT want that kind of attention! Nothing good can come of THAT, mark my words! It's all too easy to jump off the slippery slope of morality by doing that!" Spongebob says: "But I never INTENDED to jump off the slippery slope, nor do I WANT to do that! All I'm SAYING is, since I CAUSED this to happen, don't I bare some sort of obligation to make sure nothing BAD happens to them!" Sandy scoffs, and says: "Oh, PLEASE! What could POSSIBLY, happen?!" Spongebob asks: "WHAT could happen?!" Patrick yells: "GIANT SEA SPIDER!!!!" Spongebob POINTS at the ANGRY, giant red sea spider running towards Patrick AND the Tree Dome, and Spongebob says: "THAT could HAPPEN! And to THINK, usually it's Squidward, Plankton, or Mr. Krabs who TEMPTS fate in one of THESE scenarios!" Patrick rushes inside the tree dome, and quickly puts on a water helmet! Spongebob asks: "Patrick, what did you do THIS time?!" Patrick says: "I'm SORRY, Spongebob! Just make him stop!" Sandy says: "Don't worry! We're protected by the space-age technology of this ultra-duty plastic! NOTHING can get inside THIS Tree Dome!" And the giant red sea spider ANGRILY slams one of his strong legs into the Tree Dome, and creates a sickening CRACK in the Tree Dome, producing a serious leak! Sandy gulps, and says: "Well, ALMOST nothing!" Spongebob asks: "TWICE with the tempting fate?!"

And the giant red sea spider continues to RAM his strong legs into the Tree Dome, causing MORE cracks and leaks! Sandy gulps and says: "Not good!" She puts on her air helmet and space suit, and yells: "EVERYBODY abandon TREE DOME!!!!" They immediately do so, only for the Tree Dome to completely BREAK and fall apart once they exit! Sandy yells: "MY TREE DOME!!!! SEA SPIDER!!!! I hope you have INSURANCE, BUSTER!!!! NOBODY messes with the Tree Dome of a Texas SQUIRREL!!!! (Jumps off-screen for battle discretion shot) Hi-YAH!!!! KI-YAH!!! WASABI!!!! TAKE THAT!!!!" And Sandy walks back on-screen, slaps her hands together, and she says: "Next time you'll THINK before picking on someone SMALLER than yourselves! My POOR Tree Dome! It will take WEEKS to repair!" Spongebob says: "Forget about the Tree Dome! What about the sea monkeys?!" Sandy says: "Fortunately, it seems our monitor was undamaged by the attack! Maybe the sea monkeys survived somehow!" Patrick says: "Spongebob, if I EVER get the INSANE idea to listen to another one of Bubble Bass' CRAZY plans to make two nickels off of him, PLEASE hit me hard in the head!" Spongebob starts to raise his hand, and Patrick says: "Not NOW!!!! Any FUTURE occasions!" Sandy gulps, and she says: "Spongebob, we're looking at a total LOSS here!" Spongebob says: "What do you MEAN?! Total loss!" Sandy says: "You do NOT want to see the devastation that happened! Take my WORD for it! All their technology, their buildings, and all the sea monkeys are GONE! All 4,444 sea monkeys!" Spongebob just looks despondent, and he says: "Poor sea monkeys! All I wanted was to give them a chance to know knowledge. Now, we'll never know WHAT they were capable of."

Sandy sighs, and she says: "Well, maybe it's better this way. There's no telling WHAT might have happened if the sea monkeys survived long enough to imprint Patrick or ME as one of their Gods! THAT could have ended up TRAGICALLY for them! AND for us!" Patrick nervously says: "Spongebob, I just had a REALLY scary thought! If the sea monkeys could think of someone as big as YOU could be a God compared to THEM, what's to stop something bigger than US, acting like GODS compared to us?!" Sandy is drinking some Pepsi, and spit-takes it on Spongebob, who absorbs it! Spongebob asks: "Why does everyone keep spit-taking on me?!" Patrick says: "Because it's funny!" Spongebob says: "No, it's NOT! It's just STUPID! It's almost as DUMB as that time I spent almost an entire DAY naked because I gave away everything I own to purchase that Le Spatula 3000!" Sandy says: "Well, I spit-take because I find Patrick's entire proposal PREPOSTEROUS! I mean, SURELY WE would be smart enough to realize, that there WERE something bigger than ourselves, WATCHING us all the time! Right! RIGHT?!" Spongebob says: "Sandy, don't go tempting FATE again...!" / 

And the action ZOOMS out to live-action versions of Tom Kenny, Bill F., and Carolyn Lawrence, holding up clay-models of Spongebob, Patrick, and Sandy! Carolyn says: "Okay, Spongebob, I won't go tempting fate on YOU anymore!" Tom says: "Oh, Sandy, you are SO romantic! Kiss me, my sweet! Kiss me!" Carolyn says: "Okay!" But instead of Tom and Carolyn kissing each other, the clay models of Spongebob and Sandy kiss each other! Carolyn says: "That was more fun than roping runaway boars on the Fourth of July in El Paso, Texas!" Bill F. says: "This is the WEIRDEST Halloween idea we've EVER come up with for Spongebob Squarepants!" / The screen switches to a swirling circle of black and white, and pans to feature Gary, who suddenly starts SPEAKING in the voice of the mysterious Narrator! Gary says: "What you have just witnessed was a particular scenario of weirdness and mystery that neither Spongebob or his friends could ever hope to comprehend. They have learned that the price for playing God is not something that should be taken lightly, and that they should always think about the consequences of their actions. Will they EVER become aware that they are the subjects of a highly successful animated show themselves? Watched, adored, and sometimes critiqued by millions of viewers and/or critics? Perhaps, perhaps not. But as The Beatles once sang, Tomorrow Never Knows. And maybe Spongebob and his friends will never know, that they have just experienced a journey in, The Tidal Zone!" /

Episode Notes: This special is a parody of a segment by "The Simpsons" called "The Genesis Tub", which in itself was a parody of an older segment featured on "The Twilight Zone!" Sarah Maclachlan guest stars as a fish version of herself, while Tom Kenny, Bill F., and Carolyn Lawrence all appear in real life footage, as well as voicing their respective characters. The song "Adia" is heard in this episode. Continuity references in this episode include "My Little Sea Horse; Bunny Hunt; A Pal for Gary; Appointment TV; Ink Lemonade; Krusty Cops; The Algae's Always Greener; Sandy's Rocket; Doodle Dimension; Big Pink Loser; Library Cards; Spongebob B.C.; Truth or Square; Not Normal; Neptune's Spatula; Feral Friends;" and "All That Glitters". Tropes utilized in this special include, "555; Other Darrin" -- in Universe in regards to Mermaid Man; "Take My Word for it" -- twice; "Out of Character Alert/OOC is Serious Business ; Department of Redundancy Department; Hidden Depths; Contrived Coincidence; Character Development; It's Pronounced 'Tro PAY'; Continuity Nod/Call-Back; For the Science!; Fauxshadowing; Medium Awareness/Leaning on the Fourth Wall; Strawman Has a Point; A God I Am Not; Jumping Off the Slippery Slope; Tempting Fate; Berserk Button; Battle Discretion Shot; Mind-Screw; Rule of Three" -- to both spit-takes, and tempting fate; "Self-Depreciation; Lampshade Hanging; Troperiffic"; and "The Narrator Was the Cat All Along".

Personal Notes: To date, I think this might actually be the FIRST episode in a LONG time that I have written that I am intending to put SPECIFICALLY within the continuity of "Spongebob Squarepants" itself, something I have not done since my early TV.com days, BEFORE I even wrote "Spongebob and Friends". When trying to come up with an idea for this Halloween Special, I had to think to myself; what could I do that was recognizable, yet distinct enough on it's own to stand up to any other story ideas? And than the idea came to me, to take a familiar episode of "The Twilight Zone" (which more people might recognize as being a segment of the "Treehouse of Horror" on "The Simpsons"), and adapt it to "Spongebob Squarepants" standards. Naturally, since "Spongebob Squarepants" is "Lighter and Softer" compared to "The Simpsons" and "The Twilight Zone", I decided to turn the conflict from being about "A God Am I"; to being "A God I Am Not". Also, Patrick WAS somewhat responsible for the ruination of the science project, just not directly. And he WAS sorry about it, making for "Character Development" for HIM as well! And I also wanted to do a great big twist ending that NO one would see coming, by showing the LIVE-action actors playing with the toys of the characters they VOICE, and the narration being voiced by GARY! I hope you enjoyed reading this Halloween special as much as I did writing it! Enough said, true believers!

[Goobz]

The Goofy Gooberz Show - S2 EP2 - SplittyFace

GoofyGooberz: Hey Squiddy I’ve been wondering…

Squiddy: What?

GoofyGooberz: Who is OBAB on SBC and the Discord?

Squiddy: Oh, that’s just my other part of me! My personality is split, you see.

GoofyGooberz: Oh…

GoofyGooberz: So, are you the serious personality and is OBAB the shitposting personality?

Squiddy: Exactly!

OBAB: Hey guys!

OBAB: Oh hey bro.

GoofyGooberz: Hehehehe… come on OBAB! How about we go raid SBM?

OBAB: Alright!

Squiddy: Why is he being nice to OBAB all of a sudden? Does he not want to be my friend anymore?

Squiddy: Nahh!

Squiddy: Ok, well let me call him to be sure.

Ring! Ring! Ring!

GoofyGooberz: Hahahah, oh OBAB! *answers call with butt*

Squiddy: Hello?

GoofyGooberz: Oh, OBAB! You are so much better than Squiddy!

Squiddy: Oh. I see how it is. Well, OBAB, it’s time for you to go.

GoofyGooberz: Huh?

OBAB: What was that?

GoofyGooberz: Eh, who knows? Probably Squiddy being annoying again lol!
Squiddy: OBAB!

OBAB: Yeah?

Squiddy: I have had it with you.

Squiddy: And you, Goofy! I’ll deal with you later

GoofyGooberz: Squiddy, what are you doing?

Squiddy: *pushes GoofyGooberz* Out of the way, OBAB… you are done for.

OBAB: Oh yeah?

OBAB: I’m done with you too.

OBAB: *pulls out shitposting sword*

Squiddy: *pulls out SpongeBob sword*

CLASH!

Squiddy and OBAB: *struggle pushing swords against each other*

Squiddy: THIS… IS…. A… FORUM FOR SPONGEBOB… DISCUSSIONS!

OBAB: BUT… MEMES! MEMES, SQUIDDY!

GoofyGooberz: WAIT! STOP!

Squiddy and OBAB: *stop fighting*

Squiddy and OBAB: WHAT?

GoofyGooberz: One of you, I like for who you are… one of you are one of the best people I’ve met… and I will always treasure the moments we have had on SBC and the Discord…

Squiddy and OBAB: WELL? WHICH ONE OF US IS IT?!

GoofyGooberz: I choose you…

GoofyGooberz: Squiddy. 

Squiddy: *sniffles and nods*

Squiddy: Ready to kick some OBAss?

GoofyGooberz: As always! 

Fist Bump plays on a nearby speaker

Squiddy: Heh. Time for the two of us to team up!

Squiddy: It doesn’t matter what obstacles they put in our way!

GoofyGooberz: …

Squiddy: ....

OBAB: …

GoofyGooberz: We’ll blow past everything they throw at us!

OBAB: *thinking* Is that a fucking Sonic reference?

GoofyGooberz and Squiddy: DOUBLE BOOST!
OBAB: If only I did Sonic shitposts more often, then I would’ve known what they meant by that…

OBAB: SHIIIITTTTTTT-

BOOM!

GoofyGooberz: Hey Squiddy.

Squiddy: What?

GoofyGooberz: Besties?

Squiddy: Sure.

 

The end

[4EverGreen]

And then there was one...after all this time, you will FINALLY learn the results of what 52 episodes worth of plot boils down to. I admit, that while this season has had its share of trips and stumbles, some of it even my OWN mistakes due to misreading and wrong-guessing about what my core audience wanted; but overall, I STILL think that overall, this is STILL the best season of the “Total Cartoon” series that I have written so far! I'm sorry for dragging my feet on this for so long, but due to recent events relating to “Spongebob Squarepants”, in a case of “Real Life Writes the Plot”, this season will have an ending, that I never thought would be an actual ending; but I think it will still be a good ending regardless. I hope you're ready for the thrilling conclusion of this ride! / (Dedicated to the memory of Stephen Hillenburg).

Sniz is at the Hollywood Bowl, surrounded by all the former contestants who were previously eliminated after and INCLUDING Snaptrap, surrounding him. Sniz says: “Previously on Total Cartoon Global Cruise, you've seen 58 different contestants duke it out against each other in all kinds of different challenges, as we cruised around the world, seeing many different locations, and seeing lots of character development! But out of the 58 possible contestants, only THREE could emerge, to make it to the Final Three! Reggie Rocket, Patrick Star, and Skipper the Penguin! Skipper had no END of trouble this season! Marlene pretended to hook up with Captain Retro in order to get HERSELF further in the game, causing Skipper to feel kind of 'Ouchy', and get jealous! Skipper became the FIRST contestant in Total Cartoon history, to find a way to lose, un-lose, lose again, and then UN-LOSE again, and SOMEHOW make it all the way to the Final Three! Patrick has had to struggle against IMMENSE odds; battling his crippling paranoia about not being smart or good enough to compete against his fellow contestants, and finding a way to rise above his many detractors, and never giving up, in trying to make it to the Final Three! Reggie Rocket had a bit of trouble in the beginning. Bulma Briefs TRIED to eliminate Reggie, by manipulating her emotions with a micro-chip. And when THAT didn't work, she framed Snaptrap for the job, in order to get him eliminated! Reggie also had to deal with the fact, that Angelica had become TOO difficult of a person to keep in the game! And even in SPITE of Angelica's overwhelming nastiness, Reggie STILL couldn't bring herself to vote Angelica off, and even though she KNEW her vote against Suzie was basically a throw-away, Reggie STILL managed to feel GUILTY about doing it! Finally, Reggie found herself over-shadowed by awesome this season; mostly due to Captain Retro! But after the teams merged, she found herself becoming more relevant, and being able to win more solo challenges, and more than EARNED her slot in the Final Challenge! And the question that remains to be answered is, who is JOINING her in the Final Challenge?! You'll find out soon, on the Grand Finale of Total Cartoon (sings) Global Cruise! Best season EVER!!!!” /

A montage of the Final Three's best moments in season three are shown. Particularly, whenever they helped one of their teams score a win, or whenever they won a solo challenge, and the montage is set to a very well-known Tina Turner hit song! / Genre: Rock and Roll. Sub-genre: Tina Turner. Song: “The Best”. Sung by: Tina Turner! / Tina: “I call you when I need you. When my heart's on fire. You come to me, come to me; wild and wired. You come to me, give me everything I need. Give me a lifetime of promises, and a world of dreams. Speak the language of love, like you know what it means. It can't be wrong; take my heart and make it strong, baby! You're simply the best! Better than all the rest! Better than anyone, anyone I've ever met! I'm stuck on your heart! I hang on every word you say! Tear us apart? Baby, I would rather be dead. In your heart, I see the start of every night and every day. In your eyes I get lost, I get washed away. Just as long as I'm here in your arms, I could be in no better place. You're simply the best! Better than all the rest! Better than anyone, anyone I've ever met! I'm stuck on your heart! I hang on every word you say! Tear us apart? No, no, no; baby, I would rather be dead. (Trumpet solo) Each time you leave me I start losing control. You're walking away with my heart and my soul. I can feel you even when I'm alone. Oh, baby, don't let go! You're the best! Better than all the rest! Better than anyone, anyone I've ever met! I'm stuck on your heart! I hang on every word you say! Tear us apart? No, no; baby, I would rather be dead. You're the best!” / And the epic song ends! / “Shattered!” /

The action returns to the Hollywood Bowl, and Sniz says: “Thank you for joining us on the final episode of Total Cartoon Global Cruise! Now, it's time to answer the question on everyone's mind!” Angelica yells: “When are you giving ME my (BLEEP!) MONEY?!!! You're STILL censor swearing ME?! OH, MY, GOD!!!! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS DIRTY, STINKING, ROTTEN, LOW-DOWN, MOTHERBLABBIN, GASAFRACKIN, TERRAMACKIN, BLASTERCRACKIN, FLAFFERMATTIN, SPEFFERSCRATTIN, RASAPACKIN, WRATHATERRIN, PERRAVERRIN, HAFFAGAFFIN, LASTAPLASTA, COUGHAHAFFA, NEEDLEWHACKIN, NO-GOOD MACHIAVELLIAN JERK!!!!” Harvey's eyes open up WIDE, and he says: “WOW!!!! Angelica Pickles really MUST be evil!!!! Instead of using ACTUAL swear words, she went OUT of her way to make up her OWN ones!” Taotie scoffs, and he says: “Her OWN swear words, my FOOT!!!! She just MEMORIZED the made-up swear words I said against TIGRESS, and is utilizing them to generalize HER feelings toward Sniz!” Sniz says: “Ignoring Angelica Pickles on her FINAL day of tyranny and tirades on this show, the question on everyone's mind is, who is joining Reggie Rocket in the final challenge? Well, we looked over the last episode, and our judges have determined in a BIZARRE twist of fate, both Patrick AND Skipper, managed to BOTH step onto the stage at the EXACT same time! So, we have graciously decided that the Final Challenge WILL be a Final THREE challenge after ALL! Makes it more exciting for us, and more unpredictable for everyone else! Anyways, here is the FINAL Challenge, of this season! We have decided to make the Final Three a celebration of what season three has been ALL about; the SINGING!!!!” General Barracuda says: “UH, you're joking, RIGHT?!”

Sniz rolls his eyes and says: “PLEASE!!!! How many people have actually WATCHED this season, or even the whole show, for the PLOT?! If they had, we would have won AWARDS for this show EIGHT YEARS STRAIGHT! But then again, most true art often goes unappreciated in its own time. Anyways, you three are going to mix it up with the excitement and singing of Total Cartoon Global Cruise! We've got some rocking songs for you to sing in this challenge!!!! I want you three to rock your hearts out SO much, the Hollywood Bowl itself will figuratively become SHATTERED!!!! See how I worked the episode title INTO this actual episode?! Speaking of, since we began this season with a mandatory song by The Rolling Stones, it's only FITTING that the last mandatory song should be by The Rolling Stones as well!”

(Beep! Beep! Ba-beep! Beep! Beep!) Sniz says: “This is it, contestants! Let's end this season on a HIGH note! But not SO high, that you BREAK your voice! Little singing humor, there!” Skipper says: “Don't worry about us! At this point, we're ready for just about EVERYTHING!” / Genre: Punk Rock. Sub-genre: The Rolling Stones. Song: “Shattered!” Sung by: The Cast! / Cast: “Shattered, shattered!” Captain Retro: “Love and hope and sex and dreams are still surviving on the street!” Haggis: “Look at me; I'm in tatters! I'm a shattered!” Cast: “Shattered!” Angelica: “Friends are so alarming, and my lover's never charming! Life's just a cocktail party on the street!” Reggie: “City of Angels!” Patrick: “People dressed in plastic bags directing traffic! Some kind of fashion.” Cast: “Shattered!” Skipper: “Laughter, joy, and loneliness, and sex and sex and sex and sex!” Treeflower: “Look at me, I'm in tatters! I'm a shattered!” Cast: “Shattered!” Po: “All this chitter-chatter, chitter-chatter, chitter-chatter 'bout Shmatta, shmatta, shmatta; I can't give it away on LaCienaga Avenue! This town's been wearing tatters!” Cast: “Shattered, shattered!” Snaptrap: “Work and work for love and sex; ain't you hungry for success, success, success, success?! Does it matter?” Cast: “Shattered!” Bulma: “Does it matter? I'm shattered! Shattered! Ah, look at me, I'm a shattered!” Sniz: “I'm a shattered! Look at me- I'm a shattered, yeah!” General Barracuda: “Pride and joy and greed and sex! That's what makes our town the best!” Taotie: “Pride and joy and dirty dreams and still surviving on the street! And look at me, I'm in tatters, yeah! I've been battered, what does it matter?!” Tigress: “Does it matter; uh-huh!”

Kaput: “Does it matter; uh-huh, I'm a shattered!” Marlene: “Don't you know the crime rate is going up, up, up, up, up?! To live in this town you must be tough, tough, tough, tough, tough!” Dib: “You got rats in West Hollywood, bed bugs in San Fernando, what a mess; this town's in tatters! I've been shattered!” Patrick: “My brain's been battered, splattered all over Manhattan Beach!” Zim: “Uh-huh, this town's full of money grabbers!” Oonski: “Go ahead, bite the apple, don't mind the maggots, huh!” Buhduece: “Shadoobie, my brain's been battered!” Stimpy: “My friends, they come around; they flatter, flatter, flatter, flatter, flatter, flatter, flatter!” Dog: “Pile it up, pile it high on the platter!” / And the epic song ends! / Patrick asks: “So, tell me, how exactly is this challenge going to work?” Sniz says: “Well, hopefully it SHOULD be a simple one, but depending on WHAT you know, or how GOOD you are at singing songs, it might NOT be!” Stimpy asks: “Will this be a scary challenge for them?!” Sniz says: “Not as long as they have a scary game FACE that they can make at anyone that antagonizes them!” Lil says: “OH! I can make a REALLY scary face! Watch this!” And Lil makes a WEIRD movement with her tongue, and tries to touch it to her left eye, and she says: “Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.” Stimpy says: “Oh, that's NOT scary! I think that's kind of CUTE!” And Lil SCOWLS angrily and Stimpy says: “WOAH!!!! Now THAT'S scary!” Sniz says: “Now, since Skipper and Patrick are kind of HANDICAPPED, compared to Reggie who's been firing on all four cylinders this entire season, every contestant can ask for TWO former contestants of their choice, to provide them with backup, to the songs they have to sing!” Angelica screams: “ANYONE EXCEPT REGGIE ROCKET TRY AND PICK ME!!!! I DARE YOU!!!!” Reggie nervously says: “No, lets...go with Captain Retro and Rocko!” Rocko says: “Seriously?!” Reggie says: “Statistically speaking, other than me, you two are respectively the smartest and most skilled within this entire season!” Captain Retro says: “Good call!” (Make-Up Confessional) Captain Retro says: “Wow! They brought back the Make-up Confessionals from season two! I always WANTED to use this room! Anyways, I'm just really excited that I get to help Reggie Rocket out in this final challenge!” / Angelica asks: “Whatever happened to being MY best friend?! Why doesn't anyone just TRUST me ANYMORE?!” (End Confessional)

Angelica asks: “Reggie, don't you TRUST me anymore?!” Reggie says: “Come ON, Angelica! It's not that I DON'T trust you...well, actually it's pretty much THAT!” Skipper says: “I'm going with Marlene, and Po for MY picks, for brains and brawn respectively!” Po says: “I get why you would want Marlene with you. But, why pick me, as well?” Skipper says: “Basically, it boils down to the fact that you're all covered in black and white like me. Besides, I feel like I can trust you, like I trust the back of my flipper wings.” (Confessional) Po says: “Honestly, the inner machinations of Skipper's mind never fail to confound me! His brain is like a mystery wrapped up in a riddle, sealed inside of an ENIGMA! In other words, even a panda of MY talents has trouble trying to follow his train of thought!” (End Confessional) Patrick says: “I know that I could go with ANYONE, but I still feel like I should go with Pearl and Spongebob! I mean, if it wasn't for the support and the sacrifice of both of you, I probably NEVER would've made it THIS far to begin with!” Pearl says: “I'm just flattered that you picked me, since I was voted so EARLY off!” Patrick says: “I just think that you deserve to be here more than I do. Honestly, I completely lucked OUT to get to this point! I know that if it were you, that you would've done more to EARN getting here than I did!” Spongebob says: “Patrick, you're not nervous about this, are you?” Patrick says: “How could I NOT be?! My performance in this challenge, will basically represent the sum total of everything that I have ever DONE this season! If I don't do well here; I'll be treated like a bigger joke by Squidward when I get back home than I was before!” Pearl asks: “THAT'S what you're worried about?! Trust me when I tell you this; if it weren't for that whole 'Ink Lemonade' incident, Squidward wouldn't even KNOW that you EXIST!”

(Confessional) Patrick says: “I'm hoping that if I do well in this Final Challenge, I can re-negotiate my contract on Spongebob Squarepants, and make it so that from now on, my character will never be asked to do humiliating or demeaning things to other characters. Because the way things stand now, I HAVE to do what the writers ask me to do, or else I can get fired and replaced, the way that Ren Hoek got fired and replaced from season three of Ren and Stimpy onward! If it weren't for the fact that Stimpy can imitate Ren's voice flawlessly, seasons three through five of THAT show would have NEVER worked out at all! Of course, Stimpy didn't LIKE most of the episodes he HAD to work on in those seasons, but at least he DID them! Now THAT'S what I call dedication!” (End Confessional)

Sniz says: “So, it's all settled, then! And yes, Reggie. I'm well aware of your agreement with the fifteen Team Retro contestants you made an agreement with back before the Paris Challenge. If YOU win the Final Challenge, we WILL honor your promise, and split the Grand Total Prize Money between each of you evenly! Now, can anyone answer the question--(Captain Retro and Bulma quickly raise their hands)--BESIDES Captain Retro AND Bulma--(Captain Retro and Bulma put their hands down)--of what $44.44 million divided by 16 is?” Patrick says: $2,777,500.” And everyone looks at Patrick strangely! Patrick says: “WHAT?! I'm allowed to pay attention and remember things from this season TO, you know! Don't act like this is all about YOU, Skipper and Reggie!” (Confessional) Skipper nervously says: “Wait a minute! Patrick has actually been paying ATTENTION, to EVERYTHING, that has happened to HIM and to EVERYONE this SEASON?! THIS...could be TROUBLE!” / Reggie is intrigued, and says: “So, Patrick has actually been paying ATTENTION this season, huh? This challenge just got a whole lot more interesting AND challenging for me! But then again, I am the type of person who actually thrives better when there's a challenge on the line! Well, Patrick, you've thrown down the gauntlet! Now, time to see if you can deliver!” / Patrick says: “I plan to deliver! I mean, I kind of HAVE to, but I want to, anyways! This Final Challenge could change everyone's perspective of me! If I win this, it will prove that I'm NOT just an idiot, I am someone who can amount to and BE something! This is my chance to SHINE!” (End Confessional)

Sniz says: “Wanda, prepare the Hollywood Bowl!” Wanda says: “You got it!” And the Hollywood Bowl gets decorated with loudspeakers, spotlights, and all the instruments a rock and roll band could need! Reggie says: “This is it, you guys! No matter what happens from here on out, it's anybody's game! And it doesn't matter whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game!” Sniz says: “Here is how the challenge is going to work! Each of you will pick a total of four different songs to sing during this challenge. The catch is, you can't sing any song that has already been performed this season, and you can't repeat a song that somebody else has already sang this season! Now, who would like to go first?” Skipper says: “Oh, I'll go FIRST!!!!” Sniz says: “Sounds like SOMEONE is confidant about his chances!” Reggie says: “I'll go second!” Patrick says: “I guess that means I'm LAST again, as USUAL!” Larry says: “Don't count yourself out just yet! After all, it ain't over until the fat lady sings!” Patrick says: “But we don't HAVE a fat lady!” Larry says: “It's just an expression!” Patrick says: “Oh!” (Confessional) Patrick says: “I still can't quite figure out why it is that I have managed to last this long, and all my friends got eliminated before me! Is it because I'm THAT insignificant of a threat, or was that the universe's way of showing a little pity on me? I REALLY hope it's the second one!” / Angelica FUMES, and she says: “How DARE Reggie not pick ME, ME; after EVERYTHING I TAUGHT her for her to GET to this point! Okay, technically, she never DID anything that I would have done to get to the Final Three, but that's TOTALLY NOT the POINT! Well, I'll show THEM!!!! If I can't get the spotlight to myself, I'll make their ENTIRE little SHOW a disaster! If I can't WIN the $44.44 million, than NOBODY CAN!!!!” (End Confessional) Sniz says: “All right, contestants! Have you decided on the songs that you're going to sing?” Skipper says: “Me and my partners have, and we think you're going to get a little THUNDERSTRUCK by our first pick!”

Patrick says: “Could you repeat that last--?” But Patrick NEVER gets to finish his thought, because Skipper and his band-mates begin playing a very familiar, rocking song, as Angelica goes to the circuit breaker box, and begins trying to ZAP EVERYONE present with LIGHTNING, but she ONLY ends up hitting the other former villains, and HERSELF, and just makes the whole sequence look even cooler! / Genre: Heavy Metal. Sub-Genre: AC/DC (the band). Song: “Thunderstruck”. Sung by: Skipper, Po, and, Marlene! / Skipper and Po, harmonizing throughout: “Thunder! Thunder! Thunder! Thunder! Thunder! Thunder!” Skipper: “I was caught in the middle of a railroad track! I looked around and I knew there was no turning back! My mind raced and I thought, what could I do? And I knew there was no help, no help from you!” Marlene: “Sound of the drums, beating in my heart!” Po: “The thunder of guns, tore me apart!” Skipper: “You've been, Thunderstruck!” Po and Marlene: “Thunderstruck, thunderstruck, thunderstruck!” Skipper: “You've been, Thunderstruck!” Po and Marlene: “Thunderstruck, thunderstruck, thunderstruck!” Skipper: “Rode down the highway, broke the limit, we hit the town! Went through to Texas, and we had some fun! We met some girls, some dancers who gave a good time! Broke all the rules, played all the fools! Yeah they blew our minds!” Po: “And I was shaking at the knees, could I come again, please?” Marlene: “Yeah, THOSE ladies were TOO kind!” Skipper: “You've been, Thunderstruck!” Po and Marlene: “Thunderstruck, thunderstruck, thunderstruck!” Skipper: “You've been, Thunderstruck!” Po and Marlene: “Thunderstruck, thunderstruck, thunderstruck!” Skipper: “Thunderstruck!” Po and Marlene: “Thunderstruck, Thunderstruck, Thunderstruck!” Skipper: “It's alright, we're doing fine! It's alright, we're doing fine, fine, fine! Thunderstruck, yeah, yeah, yeah!” Po and Marlene: “Thunderstruck, Thunderstruck!” Skipper: “Thunderstruck, baby! Thunderstruck, you've been Thunderstruck!” Po and Marlene: “Thunderstruck, Thunderstruck!” Skipper: “You've been Thunderstruck!” / And everyone EXCEPT the former villains applaud after the song ends! Taotie screams: “ANGELICA, you IDIOT!!!! Are you TRYING to KILL US as WELL as YOURSELF?!!! STOP messing AROUND for ONCE in your MISERABLE life and ACCEPT defeat with DIGNITY like the REST of us!!!!” (Confessional)

Angelica screams: “UGH!!!! What the HEY?!!! WHY AREN'T MY IDEAS WORKING?!!!” Than a familiar male voice says: “Because you KNOW you don't HAVE what it takes to truly be EVIL!!!!” Angelica tenses up with fear and she says: “My DADDY?!!!” And Charlotte comes in with Drew, and she says: “And your MOTHER!!!! We have seen EVERYTHING you've done the past three seasons, and we must say that it's APPALLING!!!! Where do you GET OFF, THREATENING people in the OPEN?!!! It works much BETTER if you just DO what you're thinking instead of saying it out LOUD for EVERYONE to HEAR, like we've done with YOU the past 18 years, or have we NOT spanked you and HIT you enough for you to get the FREAKING message?! Drew, take her AWAY!!!! If you want a dirty deed done right, a woman's got to DO it herself! Angelica, you will NEVER be half the cut-throat woman that I am, EVER!!!! Drew, please POUND her firmly on the buttocks AND the head until her skin turns RED!!!! Maybe THEN, she'll finally get the message STRAIGHT! I'll take care of things ALL by myself!” And Angelica just gulps nervously! (End Confessional) Skipper says: “All right! It's time for our second song! We're playing a little Pinball WIZARD!!!!” Charlotte GRABS Blonda, and gags Blonda over her mouth until they're in a discreet place! Blonda says: “ANGELICA!!!! CHARLOTTE?! What are YOU doing here?!” Charlotte says: “It has become QUITE apparent to me that Angelica will NEVER succeed at being the cut-throat woman I want her to be, and I decided that if she is TRULY that incapable and incompetent of winning the money that I DESERVE to have, than I JUST HAVE to get it MYSELF!!!! And YOU'RE going to HELP ME WIN IT!!!!” Blonda says: “And what if I REFUSE?!!! What THEN?!!!” Charlotte says: “Do you want to go BACK to being the PATHETIC Fairy actress who could NEVER win an AWARD at ANYTHING?! The person who ALWAYS comes in LAST, like TIMMY TURNER?!!!” Blonda GASPS in horror at the prospect, and she says: “Well, NO!!!!”

Charlotte smiles smugly, and she says: I KNEW you would help me!” (Confessional) Charlotte says: “It takes a firm, STRONG hand to get anything you want done in this world! A TRUE woman would KNOW about THAT! If you DON'T take charge, than you get LEFT behind! I've spent 27 YEARS clawing my way to the top, and no SECOND half-rate daughter or wanna-be fairy actress is going to get in MY way, of staying on the top NOW!!!!” / Blonda says: “Every time I TRY to get OUT of being evil, THEY pull me back IN!!!! I mean, the 'They', is always subjective, but you know what I MEAN!” (End Confessional) Charlotte says: “Now, you SEE the former contestants out there?! SMASH them all into PANCAKES with giant PINBALLS, or I'll reveal EVERY SINGLE DIRTY SECRET about you to the entire UNIVERSE, and you'll be BLACKBALLED for LIFE!!!!” Blonda says: “THAT'S BLACKMAIL!!!!” Charlotte says: “That's SHOW Business! Life, Camera, ACTION!!!!” Captain Retro suddenly gasps, and he says: “I'm seeing something disturbing! But HOW?! Every single contestant has been ELIMINATED! And who would START something NOW?! It's NOT Angelica, she's WAY too incompetent to pull something like this off! Unless...GASP!!!! It's her MOTHER!!” (Confessional) Captain Retro says: “I guess Rosseau truly WAS right! People ONLY become evil due to the circumstances of which they were raised! Well, it's no WONDER Angelica is SO messed up in her way of thinking! Look at the PARENTS that RAISED her! Where do they get OFF, on treating their own DAUGHTER so SHAMELESSLY?! Well, if Charlotte thinks she can succeed where her daughter failed, she's WRONG! I've spent the entire season protecting these contestants, and I'm not about to stop NOW!” (End Confessional) Po says: “All right, let's get this show on the road!” Genre: Hard Rock. Sub-Genre: Elton John. Song: “Pinball Wizard” Sung by: Skipper, Po, and Marlene! /

During this sequence, Blonda keeps 'Poofing' up human-sized pinballs to try to flatten various characters, but Captain Retro keeps blasting them and turning them into harmless fireworks, once again making the show look more amazing! / Skipper: “Ever since I was a young boy, I've played the silver ball. From Laughlin down to Long Beach, I must have played them all. But I ain't seen nothing like him, in any amusement hall. That deaf, dumb and blind kid, sure plays a mean pinball! He stands like a statue, becomes part of the machine. Feeling all the bumpers, always playing clean. He plays by intuition, the digit counters fall. That deaf, dumb and blind kid, sure plays a mean pinball!” Marlene: “He's a pinball wizard, there's got to be a twist! The pinball wizard's got such a supple wrist.” Po: “How do you think he does it? I don't know! What makes him so good?” Skipper: “He ain't got no distractions, can't hear those buzzers and bells. Don't see the lights a-flashing, plays by sense of smell. Always has a replay, And never tilts at all. That deaf, dumb and blind kid, sure plays a mean pinball! I thought I was the Bally table king. But I just handed my pinball crown to him. Even on my favorite table, he can beat my best! His disciples lead him in, and he just does the rest.” Marlene: “He's got crazy flipper fingers, never seen him fall!” Skipper: “That deaf, dumb and blind kid, sure plays a mean pin ball!!!” Marlene: “He's a pinball wizard, there's got to be a twist! The pinball wizard's got such a supple wrist.” / And the amazing song ends! Captain Retro says: “BLONDA!!!! I KNOW that you're the one doing this, and WHOEVER is putting you up to it, you BETTER stop NOW, your evil endeavors can ONLY end in TEARS!”

Charlotte asks: “WHAT?!!! Angelica said NOTHING to me about some over-powered dog with super-powers protecting all the other contestants! What GIVES?!” Blonda smirks, and she says: “You're not the ONLY one who's capable of deceit! I've been intercepting Angelica's e-mail letters to you, and CHANGING the content of them MAGICALLY, to remove any MENTION of Captain Retro, in order to keep YOU in the dark! Looks like you HAVEN'T thought of everything!” Charlotte says: “Oh, this game is FAR from over! We are simply going to keep trying again, and again, and AGAIN, and AGAIN, until I FINALLY WIN!!!! Comprende?!” (Confessional) Bulma says: “SHEESH!!!! Did I sound THAT CRAZY and psychotic when I was telling Zarbon what to do?! I am SO over the 'Trying to be evil' bit FOREVER!” (End Confessional)

Blonda simply sighs and says: “I should have signed with Hanna-Barbera! They NEVER would've allowed THIS nonsense to happen to me!” Skipper says: “Our next song, shall be, Cold As Ice!” Charlotte says: “He WANTS cold?! We'll GIVE him cold, WON'T we Blonda?!” (Confessional) Blonda groans, and she says: “This challenge isn't going to get any BETTER for me, is it?” / Captain Retro sighs, and says: “Looks like Charlotte has to learn her lesson the HARD way, like her daughter; figures! And by the way, for those of you keeping score at home, as of right now, the score is Karma 43, Blonda zero!” (End Confessional) Po says: “All right, let's get this show on the road! Whatever THAT means!” /

Genre: Foreigner (the band). Song: “Cold As Ice”. Sung by: Skipper, Po, and Marlene! / During this sequence, Blonda cranks up the air-conditioner to be SO cold, it produces, icicles, snowballs, and blizzards, but Captain Retro flies around SO fast, the resulting friction in the air MELTS the snow before it can reach ANYBODY, and turns into a nice, refreshing mist, that cools them down on a hot, summer day! / Skipper: “You're as cold as ice. You're willing to sacrifice our love. You never take advice! Someday, you'll pay the price, I know! I've seen it before, it happens all the time! Closing the door, you leave the world behind! You're digging for gold, yet throwing away, a fortune in feelings! But someday you'll pay! You're as cold as ice, you're willing to sacrifice our love! You want paradise, but someday, you'll pay the price, I know! I've seen it before, it happens all the time! Closing the door, you leave the world behind! You're digging for gold, yet throwing away, a fortune in feelings! But someday you'll pay!” Po: “You know that you are cold as ice!” Skipper: “As cold as ice to me!” Marlene: “Cold as ice!” Skipper and Marlene: “You're as cold as ice! (Cold as ice)! Cold as ice, I know! You're as cold as ice! (Cold as ice)! Cold as ice, I know! Oh, yes, I know!” Po: “Cold as ice!” Skipper and Marlene: “You're as cold as ice! (Cold as ice)! Cold as ice, I know! (You're as cold as ice)! Oh, yes, I know!” / And the amazing song ends! Charlotte groans and says: “UGH!!!! Why can't that FREAKING dog just MIND his own BUSINESS?!” Blonda says: “Captain Retro has had a HABIT of doing that this season! And let me tell you, once he gets his mind SET on something, there really IS no stopping him!” Charlotte furiously says: “Oh, there ISN'T; is THERE?!!! WE'LL soon SEE about THAT!!!! I'll just come up with a plan that Captain Retro can't POSSIBLY STOP, and YOU have the power to MAKE it happen!” Blonda says: “Every other villain this season has tried something STUPID and moronic to get their way that didn't work! What miracle do YOU possess?!” Charlotte says: “Something I KNOW about your past, that comes OUT of your OWN playbook! The MILLI VANILLI show-stopper!”

Blonda gasps in horror, and she says: “No, NO!!!! I ALWAYS regretted granting that wish that RUINED the lives of Rob Pilatus and Fabrice Morvan! I won't DO such a horrible thing, I CAN'T!!!!” Charlotte SCREAMS: “DO IT!!!! Or I SWEAR, I'll MAKE you WISH you had NEVER been BORN, because I'll mess up your reputation SO MUCH, you'll become an UNPERSON!!!! Is THAT WHAT YOU WANT?!!!” Blonda groans in agony, and she says: “I HAVE no CHOICE!!!!” Charlotte smugly smiles and she says: “I know you don't!” (Confessional) Blonda groans, and says: “UGH!!!! Why can't I ever just catch a BREAK during this episode?! Have I really been THAT unsympathetic this season?! Or am I JUST that unlucky?! Either way, neither scenario is a really pretty one to face up to, but I REALLY hope I'm not unlucky, it would make surviving THIS final challenge suck THAT much more!” (End Confessional) Blonda grants Charlotte's insidious wish, and a strange feeling comes over Skipper, Po, and Marlene. Skipper mindlessly says: “For our final song, we will play, Girl, You Know It's True.” Charlotte says: “OOH!!!! NASTY!!!! I KNEW YOU had it IN YOU, BLONDA!!!!” Blonda snarks back, and says: “Your approval fills ME with SHAME!!!!” / Genre: Dance pop. Sub-genre: New Jack Swing. Song: “Girl, You Know It's True.” Sung by: Skipper, Po, and Marlene? / Even though the song SEEMS normal, Captain Retro SENSES something is OFF, because the voices everyone is hearing don't SOUND like themselves, and their lip movements look a little OFF, compared to the words! /

Marlene?: “So what are you doing back?” Skipper?: “Well, I sat back and thought about the things we used to do. It really meant a lot to me, you mean a lot to me.” Marlene?: “I really mean that much to you?” Skipper?: “Girl, you know it's true. I'm in love with you girl cause you're on my mind! You're the one I think about most every time! And when you pack a smile in everything you do, don't you understand, girl, this love is true! You're soft, succulent, so sweet and thin, that's kind of like a vision upon your skin! It lightens up my day, and that's, oh, so true! Together we're one, separated, we're two!” Po?: “To make you all mine, all mine, is my desire! Cause you contain a quality, you, that I admire. You're pretty plain and simple, you rule my world, so try to understand!” Skipper?: “I'm in love girl! I'm in so love girl! I'm just in love girl! And this is true! Girl, you know it's true! Ooh, ooh, ooh, I love you! Yes, you know it's true! Ooh, ooh, ooh, I love you! Girl, you know it's true, my love is for you! Girl, you know it's true, my love is for you! This is some sort of thing, girl, I can't explain! My emotions starts up when I hear your name! Maybe your sweet, sweet voice would ring in my ear, and stimulate my senses when you are near! Come with your positive emotion, love, making, enjoying; that's for me to bust, it's like a girl and a boy!” Po?: “These feelings I get, I often wonder why, so I thought I might discuss this, girl, just you!” Skipper: “And I know what you're wearing, I don't care, as I've said before! No reason that I like you, girl, just for what you are! If I said I'd think about it, you rule my world, so try to understand! I'm in love girl! I'm in so love girl! I'm just in love girl! And this is true! Girl, you know it's true!” Marlene?: “Ooh, ooh, ooh, I love you!” Po?: “Yes, you know it's true!” Marlene?: “Ooh, ooh, ooh, I love you!” Skipper: “And girl, you know it's—girl, you know it's—girl, you know it's—girl, you know it's--.” (Confessional)

Skipper says: “I have no recollection of HOW it happened, but there we were, standing on stage, lip-synching to a Milli Vanilli song, when all of a sudden, the record started skipping, and it was like, 'Girl, you know it's—girl, you know it's'—at least 80 million PEOPLE watching this, mind you! 'Girl, you know it's—girl, you know it's'—and I can't keep repeating that 15 times, so I did the only thing I could possibly do under the circumstance that I found myself in!” (End Confessional) The record keeps playing: “Girl, you know it's—girl, you know it's--.” And Skipper runs off-stage, and he looks for a record player, finds a very WORN copy of a Milli Vanilli vinyl, SMASHES it to pieces, and quickly pulls DOWN the curtain over his CLEARLY embarrassed band-mates! Po shakes his head and asks: “What HAPPENED to us out there?!” Marlene says: “We were HIGH-JACKED!!!!” Skipper says: “Worse! I think we were brainwashed, and her NAME starts with Blonda!”

(Confessional) Skipper says: “This is the LIMIT!!!! They can set me UP with King Julien, they can LIE to me about eliminating Spongebob to be a good idea, they can EVEN make a FAKE photograph of Marlene sleeping with Sniz! But when you MAGICALLY brainwash me into LIP-SYNCHING a GOD-AWFUL Milli Vanilli song from 1989, that's where I draw the LINE!!!! Blonda is going to PAY for this, in SPADES!!!!” / Patrick says: “Look, I feel bad that this sort of thing happened to Skipper, but as far as I'm concerned, he DID have it coming for what HE did to Spongebob! It feels pretty good for somebody ELSE to be on the other end of being humiliated for once!” (End Confessional) Skipper, Po, and Marlene march towards Blonda, but Charlotte is nowhere in SIGHT!!!! Po says: “Blonda, we NEED to have a TALK with you, NOW!!!!” Sniz sternly says: “WRONG!!!! I need to have a talk with you, in regards to that stunt you just pulled, and what it MEANS for your prize money!” Marlene says: “Actually, we were meaning to ask that to you. I know that stunt looked REALLY bad! But there's a LOGICAL explanation! We can explain! Anyways, I guess we were wondering about the $42 million that Skipper has to have won!” But Sniz doesn't respond. Marlene says: “The $42 million for third place, when does Skipper get it?” Sniz says: “He doesn't.” Marlene says: “Why not?” Sniz says: “Because he BROKE the rules!” Skipper asks: “What rules? We didn't see any rules, did we now?!” Sniz asks: “Wanda?!” Wanda says: “You've got it!”

And Wanda 'Poofs' up a movie screen, playing a familiar scene from “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory”, and Gene Wilder says: “Wrong sir, WRONG!!!! Under section 37-B of the contract SIGNED by him, it states quite clearly that ALL offers can be made null and void IF, and you can read for yourself in this photo-static copy: 'I, the undersigned, shall forfeit all rights, privileges and licenses, herein and herein contained, etc., etc.! Fax, mentis, encendium, glory accountem, etc., etc.! Memo bliss, purietem encottom! It's ALL there, black and white, clear as CRYSTAL! So you get NOTHING!!!! You LOSE!!!! Good DAY, SIR!!!!” Skipper says: “You're all crooks! You're all cheats and SWINDLERS, that's what you are, how could you DO a thing like this?! Build up a little bird's hopes, and then SMASH all his dreams into pieces?! You're an inhuman monster!!” Gene Wilder says: “I SAID, GOOD DAY!!!!” (Confessional)

Charlotte laughs evilly, and she says: “HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!!!! HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!!!! Oh, MY!!!! Oh, IT HURTS!!!! I haven't laughed THIS much since Hurricane Katrina DROWNED New Orleans!!!!” Blonda appears in the trailer, looking glum. Charlotte says: “Come ON! Blonda! Isn't THIS what you've ALWAYS wanted?! You're doing a GREAT job!!!!” Blonda groans, and she says: “Oh, when can we STOP?!” Charlotte says: “Just as soon as I have HUMILIATED every single PERSON who HUMILIATED ME in this COMPETITION!!!!” Blonda says: “You MEAN, HUMILIATED Angelica!!!!” Charlotte screams: “I SAID, HUMILIATED ME!!!! When they HUMILIATE my DAUGHTER, they humiliate ME!!!! AND I can't have THAT, now, can I?!” Blonda says: “No WONDER you married a last man with the last name of Pickles! Please, stop this! Even your own DAUGHTER doesn't want this! It isn't FAIR!!!!” Charlotte incredulously says: “FAIR?! I'll tell YOU what's not FAIR; spending a LIFETIME, consigned to the sidelines, watching every OTHER single Nicktoon with NO talent, get FAR more screen-time than YOU!!!! Well, finally, my waiting has paid off, and no second-rate, wanna-be super-hero dog, is gonna mess it up for me NOW!!!!” / Captain Retro says: “I got to hand it to Charlotte, that was a clever, dirty trick! Dirty, but still CLEVER all the same! She KNEW that I could just STOP any physical attempt to get rid of the contestants that she could think of, so she decided to go for a more mental approach, by having Blonda magically brainwash the contestants, so that they couldn't stop themselves, until it was too late! And since Sniz thinks that Skipper broke the rules on purpose, he won't LISTEN to them! I'll have to figure out a way to expose Charlotte, and show her the consequences of what scheming leads to, once and for all!”

(End Confessional) Skipper says: “Come on, Marlene, let's get out of here! WE'LL get even with these guys if its the LAST thing we ever do! One way or another, we'll GET that $42 Million!” Sniz orders the curtain rolled back up and he says: “I'm sorry for that UNFORTUNATE debacle that was put on display here, folks! I TRUST that nothing like THAT will happen with the OTHER finalists, now, WILL it?!” Reggie says: “Of course not! You can always count on US to play a straight game!” Sniz says: “Let's hope so! Because your band is on NEXT! You HAVE picked the songs you want to play, don't you!” Reggie says: “Of course we have! All approved by Captain Retro himself!” Captain Retro says: “And I'll be keeping a close eye on EVERYONE IN the Hollywood Bowl, so if anyone even ATTEMPTS to try anything to SABOTAGE Reggie Rocket, they will be EXPOSED to the ENTIRE UNIVERSE, and will have their name FOREVER associated with MUD!!!!” Blonda says: “I guess humiliating Reggie Rocket is a no-go, then!” Charlotte says: “Oh, we're HUMILIATING her, when they LEAST expect it!” Captain Retro can't keep his guard up 24/7!” Reggie Rocket says: “Our first song is a really, rocking favorite of ours, and since this is our last chance this season to perform it, here is Welcome to the Jungle!” / Genre: Heavy Metal. Sub-Genre: Guns N' Roses (the band). Song: “Welcome to the Jungle”. Sung by: Captain Retro, Reggie Rocket, and Rocko! /

Captain Retro: “Welcome to the jungle, we've got fun and games! We got everything you want! Honey, we know the names!” Reggie: “We are the people that can find, whatever you may need!” Rocko: “If you got the money, honey, we got your disease!” Captain Retro: “In the jungle, welcome to the jungle! Watch it bring you to your, cha-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na, knees, knees!” Reggie: “I wanna watch you bleed!” Captain Retro: “Welcome to the jungle, we take it day by day!” Rocko: “If you want the money, honey, you are gonna bleed!” Captain Retro: “But it's the price you pay!” Rocko: “And you're a very sexy girl! That's very hard to please!” Reggie: “You can taste the bright lights, but you won't get them for free!” Captain Retro: “In the jungle! Welcome to the jungle! Feel my, my, my serpentine!” Reggie: “I, I wanna hear you scream!” Captain Retro: “Welcome to the jungle, it gets worse here everyday! Ya learn ta live like an animal in the jungle where we play!” Reggie: “If you got a hunger for what you see, you'll take it eventually! You can have anything you want, but you better not take it from me!” Captain Retro: “In the jungle, welcome to the jungle! Watch it bring you to your cha-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na, knees, knees!” Reggie: “I'm gonna watch you bleed!” (Guitar solo)! Rocko: “And when you're high, you never, ever want to come down, so down, down, yeah!” (Guitar solo continues)! Captain Retro: “You know where you are?! You're in the jungle, baby!” Rocko: “You're gonna die!” Captain Retro: “In the jungle, welcome to the jungle! Watch it bring you to your cha-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na, knees, knees! In the jungle, welcome to the jungle! Feel my, my, my serpentine! In the jungle, welcome to the jungle! Watch it bring you to your cha-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na, knees, knees! In the jungle, welcome to the jungle! Watch it bring you to your...” Reggie: “It's gonna bring you down! Ha!” / And the epic song ends! /

Reggie Rocket says: “This doesn't seem possible! We performed an entire song, and nothing happened to us! Something is off here!” (Confessional) Reggie Rocket says: “From my personal experience on this show, whenever something bad DOESN'T happen when I think that it SHOULD happen, that's when I start to REALLY worry! I mean, there are a NUMBER of things that could go WRONG in a rock show, as demonstrated by Skipper, so why did nothing happen to me? I mean, I would hope that it might have something to do with my good karma; but in reality, I think SOMEONE is just waiting until Captain Retro lets his guard down to do something TRULY humiliating! I don't think they'll try the brainwashing trick again! Besides, such a tactic would NEVER work on Captain Retro! But if that's not the tactic they'll use, I shudder to THINK of what they might TRULY have in mind!” (End Confessional) Captain Retro says: “Look, Reggie, I know that you're worried, and that you have very good reasons to do so. Unfortunately, I don't think worrying is going to help anything! Besides, we've got six eyes between the three of us, so it's going to be pretty hard for anyone to get the drop on US! Nobody's going to pull any tricky tricks as long as I'm around! You better believe THAT!” Rocko says: “It's time for our next song! It's kind of a more obscure one, but we hope that you'll like it! It's called, I Could Give You a Mirror!” / Genre: New Wave. Sub-Genre: The Eurythmics. Song: “I Could Give You a Mirror.” Sung by: Reggie Rocket, Captain Retro, and Rocko! / (Instrumental opening)

Reggie: “Oh, how can you be so cold, with my arms to hold you? How can you be so cold, with my arms to enfold you? I could give you a mirror, to show you disappointments. I could give you a history. Could you ever listen in to me?” (Instrumental solo) Captain Retro: “Oh, how can you be so cold, when there's a fire burning?” Rocko: “How can you be so cold, when all the ice is melting?” Reggie: “I could give you a mirror, to show you disappointments. I could give you a history. Could you ever listen in to me? Oh, ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh. I could give you a mirror, to show you disappointments! I could give you a history! Could you ever listen in to me? (Instrumental solo) Oh, how can you be so cold, with my arms to hold you? How can you be so cold, with my arms to enfold you? I could give you a mirror, to show you disappointments. I could give you a history, could you ever listen in to me? I could give you a mirror, to show you disappointments! I could give you a history, could you ever listen in to me? I could give you a mirror, to show you disappointments! I could give you a history! Could you ever listen in to me? I could give you a mirror, to show you disappointments! I could give you a history! Could you ever listen in to me?” / And the epic song ends! /

Reggie says: “Okay, now I KNOW something is seriously wrong! We're two for two, and STILL nothing has gone wrong! What could the plan possibly be?!” (Confessional) Reggie says: “What I've learned from my experience in the game show, is that when anything suspicious DOESN'T happen, that's when I KNOW that something really SERIOUS is about to happen! Could Angelica REALLY be that callous and disrespectful to ME?! After all the PITY I showed to her?!” / Captain Retro says: “Come on, Charlotte! What is your GAME plan, here?!” (End Confessional) Charlotte chuckles, and she says: “The time is right, to TARGET Reggie!” Blonda asks: “REGGIE?!” Charlotte scoffs and says: “Oh, PLEASE!!!! Do you think I would waste my time trying to make a plan that involves Captain Retro?! He's an annoyance, yes. But if I try to humiliate him, it wouldn't work, and he's not who really counts ANYWAYS!!!! Reggie is the one I the competition, SHE'S the one we MUST humiliate! And you can HUMILIATE her, the SAME Way Bulma Briefs AND Janet Jackson were HUMILIATED!!!!” Blonda gasps, and she says: “Not a WARDROBE malfunction! The show could get CANCELLED!!!!” Charlotte flashes a SLASHER smile, and she says: “EXACTLY!!!! And THEN, I WILL FINALLY BE THE QUEEN OF ALL NICKTOONS, just like I was ALWAYS MEANT to BE!!!!” Blonda says: “That's WHAT all this scheming and conninving to Angelica has been ABOUT?! Trying to get YOUR show back on the air?! It's been FIFTEEN YEARS, it's OVER!!!! To continue pursuing this FANATICAL dream of yours is PURE INSANITY! Honestly, it's like CERTAIN people holding out for the NON-EXISTANT chance of EVER getting to have SLAVES again which SPOILER alert, is NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN!!!! In fact, there's a FAR better chance that the people who WANT slaves will become SLAVES instead at THIS rate, which would be a VERY meaningful irony as far as I'm concerned!”

Charlotte says: “Why don't you take that PREACHING of yours, and SHOVE it up your--!” Blonda says: “Watch your MOUTH! You can get censored swearing just as easily as Angelica can!” Charlotte says: “Irrelevant! You WILL make Reggie Rocket LOSE her top and EXPOSE her BREASTS to the ENTIRE UNIVERSE!!!! Of course, you KNOW what will happen should you, CHOOSE to go against me!” Blonda briefly trembles, than she defiantly says: “I Don't CARE!!!!” And Blonda madly begins firing her wand around, hitting a bunch of former villains in the process! Blonda angrily says: “You can DO whatever you WANT to MY reputation, but I WON'T be a part of your EVIL any longer! I will NEVER stoop that low!” Charlotte gets red in the face, and it looks like she's about to SCREAM and lose it, but she quickly calms down, and she says: “Very well, then! Since YOU won't do it, I'll guess I'll have to do it MYSELF!!!!”

(Confessional) Charlotte angrily pushes buttons on her I-Pad, and she says: “Publish EVERY single ROTTEN secret about Blonda! Send it to EVERYONE!!!! SEND, SEND, SEND!!!! Now that I've RUINED HER life, I'm going to RUIN the lives of EVERYONE else! NO ONE is going to keep ME out of the spotlight! Just you WAIT, Angelica! I'm going to succeed for YOU, and I'm going to succeed for ME!!!! This is my moment of GLORY!!!!” (End Confessional) Rocko says: “You've got to tell us, Captain Retro, what's going on?” Captain Retro sighs, and he says: “Charlotte Pickles, is what is happening. She is here because Angelica FAILED her, and now she's here to do what her daughter could not or would not do!” Reggie asks: “You mean, Angelica is NOT the one who ordered Blonda to brainwash Skipper, Marlene, and Po?” Captain Retro says: “As devious as Angelica is, she was holding back. She knew that if she ever TRULY did anything to betray YOUR trust, it would be the END for your friendship with you, and that friendship is the one thing that Angelica was NEVER willing to betray, no matter WHAT her parents did to her! She might have been a Karma Houdini on her show, but she's had SUCH a miserable life in real life! Don't hate her, for what her parents have done to her!” Reggie says: “You mean, Angelica never went as FAR as Charlotte or Drew wanted her to? Why?” Captain Retro says: “Simple. Because you were kind to her. And you're the only person who has been, in her entire life so far!” (Confessional)

Reggie says: “Oh, man! Now I feel really AWFUL about all the bad stuff that has happened to Angelica this season, which I didn't even think was POSSIBLE, let alone PLAUSIBLE! How could Charlotte and Drew be THAT cruel to their own DAUGHTER?!” (End Confessional) Reggie asks: “What should we do?!” Captain Retro says: “Keep playing. I have a feeling that Charlotte's scheme is going to end up back-firing on her in the most karmic way possible, and it will be COMPLETELY her own fault! In the mean-time, we've got a song to play!” Rocko asks: “What shall we play?” Captain Retro says loudly: “Our next song shall be, The Pleasure Principle!” Charlotte says: “And it will be the LAST pleasurable thing Reggie will EVER sing in her ENTIRE life!!!!” And Charlotte hooks up a giant HOOK to a construction working truck, and turns it on! Charlotte says: “Crud! I forgot the WARM-UP time for these things! It will take at LEAST two minutes before this thing can rip OFF Reggie's top!” / Genre: Dance Pop. Sub-Genre: Janet Jackson. Song: “The Pleasure Principle”. Sung by: Reggie Rocket, Captain Retro, and Rocko! / During this sequence, Charlotte tries to WIELD the hook to keep grabbing at Reggie's top, but it keeps MISSING because Reggie keeps DANCING out of the way! /

Reggie: “You might think I'm crazy, but I'm serious! It's better you know right now! What I thought was happiness was only part-time bliss! You can take a bow! It was all just one big night out on the town, riding in your limousine! We turned right, and I say wrong, which brings us to a stop, as the light is changing! Oh, my meters running, so I got to go right now! It's the pleasure principle, oh, oh, oh!” Captain Retro: “It's the principle of pleasure! Oh, oh!” Reggie: “It's the pleasure principle, oh, oh, oh, oh! It's true you want to build your life of guarantees! Hey, take a ride in a big yellow taxi! I'm not here to feed your insecurities, I wanted you to love me!” Rocko: “Love me!” Reggie: “This has become an all too familiar scene! It's not the first time I paid the fare! Where did you get the idea of material possession? Thank you for the ride to nowhere! And my meters running, so I've really got to go! It's the pleasure principle, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!” Captain Retro: “It's the principle of pleasure!” Reggie: “Ohhhh, it's the pleasure principle, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! I know, what you mean to me! Baby this is nowhere! You know, what became between you and me, human differential! It's the principle of pleasure! Oh, oh, oh, oh! It's the pleasure principle!” Rocko: “Principle!” Reggie: “Oh, oh, oh, oh! You might say, that I'm no good! I wouldn't trust your looks baby, if I could! I got so many things I wanna do before I'm through! Hey! It's the pleasure principle! It's the pleasure principle! Baby, you can't hold me down!” / Charlotte says: “I have you NOW!!!!”

Reggie sings: “Baby, you can't hold ME down!” Angelica screams: “STOP!!!!” And she PUSHES Reggie OUT of the way and at that VERY second, the hook RIPS off Angelica's top, and REVEALS her black-barred, censored breast to the world! Angelica cries: “MOMMY!!!!” Charlotte screams: “How COULD YOU?!!! You ruined EVERYTHING for ME!!!! I was about to HUMILIATE Reggie Rocket in front of the ENTIRE universe, THOROUGHLY destroying her reputation for LIFE, until YOU had to butt in and ruin EVERYTHING for me!!!!” Angelica, looking very battered and bruised, due to what Drew Pickles did to her, simply says: “Mother, Reggie Rocket is MY friend! She's the only one I've got!” Charlotte yells: “What do you need HER for?! With the $44.44 million, you could BUY any friend you WANT!!!! There's like, at least, 3.3 BILLION other girls just LIKE her!!!!” Angelica defiantly says: “Not to ME, there isn't!” Charlotte defiantly says: “FINE!!!! Than you can be a POOR, MISERABLE, USELESS, PATHETIC NOTHING like the REST of them!” Angelica says: “After everything I've been through this season, I'd RATHER be a good, happy, p-p-p-p--.” Patrick says: “Poor?” Angelica says: “THAT, respectable person, than be mean, rotten, heartless, cruel, rich, AND MISERABLE person like YOU are!” Charlotte angrily says: “How DARE you?!” Captain Retro asks: “How dare she? How dare SHE?!!! How dare YOU?!!! Look at how much HORRIBLE treatment Angelica suffered this season, all because she did whatever you TOLD her to do in order to get that INSANE amount of money for you! She only did it because of YOU!”

Charlotte asks: “And your point is?” Captain Retro: “She STILL put herself through all of that abuse, even when she probably knew full-well it would NEVER be good enough for you, because YOUR standards are WAY too high and unrealistic!” Charlotte says: “I built this Nickelodeon network up from SCRATCH! It was NOTHING without me! Do you want it to become NOTHING AGAIN, is THAT what you WANT?!!!” Captain Retro says: “Charlotte, that is NEVER going to happen, even if you DID get your show back, so it doesn't really MATTER anymore, does it?! Reggie, you've still got ONE more song to sing, and if Charlotte is ANYTHING like her daughter WAS, than there's one band's music that SHOULD affect her more than any other band in the world!” Reggie says: “And I've got the perfect song for HER as well!” Blonda says: “You may have ruined MY reputation, but you're about to lose EVERYTHING, right NOW, CHARLOTTE!!!!” /

Genre: Rock and Roll. Sub-Genre: Heart (the band). Song: “Who Will You Run to?” Sung by: Cast, primarily Reggie Rocket, Captain Retro, Rocko, Angelica, and Snaptrap! / During this sequence, all of the former villains PELT Charlotte Pickles with tomatoes, slime, and REAL pickles, as well as take away all of HER money, priceless artworks, and fancy clothes and furniture!

/ Reggie: “You're not sure what you want to do with your life, but you sure don't want me in it. Yeah you're sure the life you're living with me, can't go on one single minute. And there's a new one waiting outside this door, and now's the time to begin it!” Captain Retro: “You found a new world, and you want to taste it! But that world can turn cold, and you better face it!” Cast: “Who will you run to when it all falls down?!” Angelica: “Who's gonna pick you world up off the ground?!” Cast: “Who's gonna take away the tears you cry?!” Snaptrap gives Angelica his OWN lab-coat: “Who's gonna love you baby as good as I?!” Angelica: “You won't know what it's like to live on your own, you've always had me there beside you.” Rocko: “You think it's easy finding someone out there, who's gonna care as much as I do.” Reggie: “What's gonna happen, baby, when you find out, that there's no one there to cry to?” Captain Retro: “You can tell the whole world, how you're gonna make it!” Angelica: “You can follow YOUR heart, but what you do when someone breaks it?!” Cast: “Who will you run to when it all falls down?! Rocko: “Who's gonna pick you world up off the ground?!” Cast: “Who's gonna take away the tears you cry?!” Reggie: “Who's gonna love you baby as good as I?!” (Instrumental solo) Captain Retro: “You found a new world, and you want to taste it! But that world can turn cold, and you better face it!” Cast: “Who will you run to when it all falls down?!” Captain Retro: “Who's gonna pick your world up off the ground?!” Cast: “Who's gonna take away the tears you cry?!” Angelica: “Who's gonna love you baby as good as I?!” Cast: “Who will you run to when it all falls down?!” Snaptrap: “Who's gonna pick your world up off the ground?!” Cast: “Who's gonna take away the tears you cry?!” Angelica: “Who's gonna love you, baby, as good as I?!” / When the sequence ends, Charlotte SOMEHOW finds herself hanging precariously from the “H” of the “Hollywood” sign, badly bruised, battered, slimed, and covered in tomatoes, and she says: “How did I wind up here?!” Captain Retro says: “That's NOT important! Listen, I'm going to give you ONE last chance to redeem yourself! WHO is Angelica Pickles to YOU?! Don't make me get ROUGH with you!” Charlotte stammers, and she says: “Uh, she's my daughter!” Captain Retro: “Lie!” (SLAP!!!!) Charlotte says: “I'm her mother! (SLAP!!!!) She's my daughter! (SLAP!!!!) I'm her mother! (SLAP!!!!) She's my daughter! (SLAP!!!!) I'm her mother! (SLAP!!!!) SHE'S MY DAUGHTER AND I'M HER MOTHER!!!!” (SLAP!!!! SLAP!!!!)

Than at that moment, Charlotte Pickles LOSES her grip and bounces her way PAINFULLY down the Hollywood hill, all the way to the bottom! Otto asks: “Is she going to be all right?” Taotie says: “Forget about it! It's Hollywood town!” Reggie says: “Well, I guess that means I get the $44.44 million!” Sniz says: “Not yet! There IS one performer, so don't make any long term plans for that money just yet!” Rocko asks: “Are you CRAZY?! Reggie Rocket so OWNED today!”

Captain Retro says: “Come on! Let's give Patrick a CHANCE at this! It's the least we can do after all the nonsense we've been through today! Patrick, what's your assessment for your chance of winning today?” Patrick says: “Personally, I prefer to NEVER make assessments of anything until I've gone through them! I mean, Hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20, whatever THAT means!” Blonda says: “Sniz, Charlotte FORCED me to brainwash Skipper, Marlene, and Po into lip-syncing that Milli Vanilli song and humiliating them. If you're going to punish somebody, make it me, not THEM!!!!” Sniz sighs, and says: “So shines a good deed, in a weary world. Wanda?” Wanda says: “You've got it!” And she magically 'Poofs' Skipper, Marlene, and Po back to the Hollywood Bowl! Skipper asks: “What are WE doing back here?! We were about to see Johnathan!” Sniz says: “You don't need to do that! After Blonda confessed what she did, I am proud to say that, you WON third place!!!! You did it! You did it! I knew you would, I just KNEW you would! I'm sorry for that stunt I pulled with you earlier! Please forgive me! You won $42 million in cold hard cash!” And General Barracuda tosses them a suitcase filled with a bunch of greenbacks, amounting to $42 million! Marlene says: “Well, it's not the $44.44 million!” Skipper says: “But it's better than nothing! That's for sure! Maybe we can do our OWN game show, where we can come up with our OWN endings to things!” Marlene says: “Oh, PLEASE!!!! Like YOU could write a better show than this! I FEAR you are destined to fail!” Skipper says: “Don't tell me that you're STILL not confidant in me?!” Marlene playfully says: “Oh, don't pretend that you DON'T love the way I tease you!” Skipper sighs and says: “Well, it IS awfully hard to resist you when you're all CUTE like that!” (Confessional)

Skipper says: “Honestly, it's kind of sad and pathetic that I had to go up against PATRICK in this Final Three! I respect Reggie as a challenger, so I can handle losing to her! She's definitely earned her spot to be here, I'll give her THAT much! But Patrick? I've been trying to give it my ALL since Day One, than Mr. 'I'm WAY Too Stupid and Carefree to Care', suddenly wakes up, and decides to actually TRY and start winning challenges?! He may be smiling pretty now; but to paraphrase an old saying; 'The bigger the cone-head, the harder the fall'. Or, SOMETHING, like that!” (End Confessional) Patrick says: “As a matter of fact, I only have an idea for ONE song to sing, but it IS almost six minutes long, and will require a bassist in order to compensate. Larry, can you play the bass?” Larry says: “Somewhat. I've had a LITTLE bit of experience playing in Squidward's band, not to mention LAST season of THIS show during that Rock Lobster episode!” Patrick says: “Perfect! Now, here's hoping that we will rock you! Actually, it's Bohemian Rhapsody!” / Genre: Progressive Pop Rock. Sub-Genre: Queen (the band). Song: “Bohemian Rhapsody”. Sung by: Patrick, Spongebob, Pearl, and Larry! /

The sequence mirrors the original version of Queen's “Bohemian Rhapsody” music video perfectly, with Larry in Freddie Mercury's role, Spongebob in Roger Taylor's role, Pearl in Brian May's role, and Larry in John Deacon's role. / Patrick, Spongebob, and Pearl: “Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality. Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see.” Patrick: “I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy.” Patrick, Spongebob, and Pearl: “Because I'm easy come, easy go, little high, little low.” Patrick: “Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me, to me. Mama, just killed a man. Put a gun against his head; pulled my trigger, now he's dead. Mama, life had just begun, but now I've gone and thrown it all away! Mama, ooh! Didn't mean to make you cry, if I'm not back again this time tomorrow, carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters! (Piano solo) Too late, my time has come! Sends shivers down my spine, body's aching all the time! Goodbye, everybody, I've got to go! Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth! Mama, ooh!” Spongebob and Pearl: “Any way the wind blows.” Patrick: “I don't wanna die, I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all!” (Guitar solo) Patrick: “I see a little silhouetto of a man.” Spongebob and Pearl: “Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango?” Patrick, Spongebob, Pearl, and Larry: “Thunderbolt and lightning, bery, very frightening me.!” Larry: “Galileo.” Patrick: “Galileo.” Larry: “Galileo.” Patrick: “Galileo. Galileo Figaro. Magnifico-o-o-o-o! I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me.” Spongebob, Pearl, and Larry: “He's just a poor boy from a poor family, spare him his life from this monstrosity!” Patrick: “Easy come, easy go, will you let me go? Bismillah! No, we will not let you go!” Spongebob, Pearl, and Larry: “Let him go!” Patrick: “Bismillah! We will not let you go!” Spongebob, Pearl, and Larry: “Let him go!” Patrick: “Bismillah! We will not let you go!” Spongebob, Pearl, and Larry: “Let me go!” Patrick: “Will not let you go!” Spongebob, Pearl, and Larry: “Let me go! Never let you go!” Patrick: “Never, never, never, never let me go! Oh, oh, oh, oh!” Patrick, Spongebob, Pearl, and Larry: “No, no, no, no, no, no, no!” Patrick: “Oh, mama mia, mama mia!” Spongebob, Pearl, and Larry: “Mama mia, let me go! Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me!” (Guitar solo). Patrick: “So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye?! So you think you can love me and leave me to die?! Oh, baby! Can't do this to me, baby! Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here! (Guitar solo). Spongebob, Pearl, and Larry: “Ooooh, ooh yeah, ooh yeah!” (Guitar solo starts to fade). Patrick: “Nothing really matters. Anyone can see. Nothing really matters, nothing really matters to me.” (Guitar and piano quiet down to a whisper). Patrick: “Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo. Any way, any way the wind blows!” (Gong!) /

And the crowd just goes absolutely WILD, leaving Skipper, Marlene, Reggie, and Rocko COMPLETELY flabbergasted! (Confessional) Skipper asks: “WHAT...just happened?” / Marlene: “WHAT just happened?!” / Rocko: “What just HAPPENED?!” / Reggie: “What JUST happened?! All season long, Patrick was NOTHING, and he completely shoots by the REST of us when we're not LOOKING?! Has this ENTIRE season just been one REALLY long version of the story of The Tortoise and the Hare?! Because if it is, someone REALLY should have told me that I was the Hare!” / Captain Retro: “I admit, this was a shocker. Even I'M shocked, and I KNEW how it would turn out! Well, maybe not ALL the time, but I figured it out pretty CLOSE to BEFORE it happened!” (End Confessional) Sniz says: “It seems that the audience has spoken! Patrick, you are the WINNER of Total Cartoon Global Cruise!” Patrick says: “Say, Sniz?” Sniz says: “If you don't mind, would you give the title and money to Reggie?” General Barracuda says: “WHAT?! But, WHY?!” Patrick says: “All season long, I just wanted to prove something. Prove that I had what it takes to be somebody, to be taken seriously. To not be judged for what I do on my friend's show, and to be judged on my own merits. I stumbled and faltered more than I wanted to, but, when all is said and done, I realize that I never had anything to prove, because it was with me all along. So, I'd rather give the title and the money to someone who REALLY worked for it all season long. Reggie, you wanted the title and the money more than anyone else this season, and I know you'll keep your word!”

Reggie says: “Patrick, are you SURE you want to this? I mean, this could be your last CHANCE to win a season of this show!” Patrick says: “Which means its my last chance to give YOU, your first chance! Besides, what would a guy like ME do with $44.44 million anyways? I'm not going to change the world, not the way that you can. Besides, strangers would just hit me up for money, and Squidward would NEVER leave me alone, and try to become a FALSE friend to me, just based on my cash, not for who I am! So, if it's all right with YOU Sniz, I'm perfectly content with taking second place, and taking the $43 million in prize money!” Sniz says: “Very well! Reggie, since Patrick requested it, the title goes to you, and the $44.44 million gets split up evenly between you, and Treeflower, Craig, Sanjay, Globitha, Robot, Tigress, Daggett, Norbert, Po, Dog, Stimpy, Marlene, Wally, Rocko, Captain Retro, and Suzie! $2,777,500 for each of you!” Rocko says: “Congratulations, Reggie! You did it! You became the champion for season three!” Daggett says: “Even if its only because of a technicality!” Norbert says: “Hey! A win is a win!” Stimpy says: “And as Mr. Horse would like to say; 'Never look a gift win in the mouth!' Or, something, like that!” Reggie says: “I couldn't have done it without all of you! This win is just as much mine as it is yours!”

At the bottom of the hill, where the Hollywood Sign, is located, Charlotte Pickles wearily gets up, and she says: “Wait a minute! So do I GET MY $44.44 MILLION or NOT?!” And as if to give her an honest answer, the BACK of the Hollywood Hill suddenly causes a landslide, heading RIGHT for her, but the camera CUTS before we can see if it buries her alive or not! / Epilogue: As the cast-mates all go their separate ways, back to their own shows, Captain Retro reflects on all the journeys experienced within season three of the show. Genre: Soft Rock. Sub-Genre: The Eagles (the band). Song: “Love Will Keep Us Alive.” Sung by: Captain Retro! / Captain Retro: “I was standing, all alone against the world outside. You were searching for a place to hide. Lost and lonely, now you've given me the will to survive. When we're hungry, love will keep us alive. Don't you worry, sometimes you've just gotta let it ride. The world is changing, right before your eyes. Now I've found you, there's no more emptiness inside. When we're hungry, love will keep us alive. I would die for you. Climb the highest mountain. Baby, there's nothing I wouldn't do. Now I've found you. There's no more emptiness inside. When we're hungry, love will keep us alive. (Guitar solo) I would die for you, climb the highest mountain. Baby, there's nothing I wouldn't do. I was standing all alone against the world outside. You were searching, for a place to hide. Lost and lonely, now you've given me the will to survive. When we're hungry, love will keep us alive. When we're hungry, love will keep us alive. When we're hungry, love will keep us alive.” /

Episode Notes: Patrick technically wins “Total Cartoon Global Cruise,” but he decides to give the title and money to Reggie Rocket, for his own personal reasons, content with taking second place. It is revealed in this episode that both Charlotte AND Drew Pickles are the major reason for why Angelica Pickles has been acting so HORRIBLE all of her life, and Charlotte even HIJACKS Angelica's plan to sabotage the contestants, proving to be FAR more diabolic than Angelica could ever HOPE to be! Angelica officially makes a Heel-Face Turn in this episode, after Charlotte unintentionally humiliates her in front of a universal television audience. The Heart song curse shifts accordingly, to affect Charlotte Pickles instead. Blonda takes responsibility for all her past misdeeds, and manages to get Skipper third place and the $42 million after all. Includes references to Milli Vanilli's lip-synching incident, Janet Jackson's Wardrobe Malfunction, “China Town, Toy Story 2, The Great Mouse Detective,” and “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.” Featured songs in this episode, are “Shattered” (Also the episode title), “Thunderstruck; Pinball Wizard; Cold As Ice; Girl, You Know It's True” (Unfinished, intentionally, because the record player was SUPPOSED to skip); “Welcome to the Jungle, I Could Give You a Mirror, The Pleasure Principle” (Unfinished, due to Angelica Pickles intercepting her mother's attempt to sabotage Reggie Rocket); “Who Will You Run to; Bohemian Rhapsody; The Best;” and “Love Will Keep Us Alive.”

Personal Notes: This episode, for obvious reasons, was hit by a case of “Real Life Writes the Plot.” Most notably, the untimely passing of Stephen Hillenburg affected my decision. My original plan WAS to have three separate endings, giving each contestant the opportunity to win, but I felt that Stephen Hillenburg, having been the creator of “Spongebob Squarepants,” and a major contributing factor to why I started writing the “Total Cartoon” series, I felt it was only fair to make a fitting tribute in his honor. Therefore, I decided to let Patrick be the TECHNICAL winner of “Total Cartoon Global Cruise”, but decide to give it to Reggie; therefore, effectively combining two of my endings for the price of one. And it really regrets me to say that I was NEVER able to, and probably never WILL be able to write a convincingly good storyline for Skipper, no matter how much I TRY! And believe me, I truly DID try! Hopefully, now that this season is over, I can focus on other aspects. There are other stories that I want to write right now. But don't worry! The “Total Cartoon” series isn't finished yet! Not by a LONG shot! “Total Cartoon Island Strikes Back” will premiere sometime in 2019! I'll see you then! Enough said, true believers!

[Rebel the Wolfgirl]

Welcome to This World: Part 1

 

Once, long ago, there was a majestic world known as Edenoi. A planet that was practically paradise among its’ people, an incredibly long-lived race of insectoids known as the Edeni, it knew not war, starvation, nor technology; the natural resources provided all that was needed. Under the guidance and watchful eye of the House Lexian, the Edeni prospered for many a millennium, protected by a ‘Chosen Hero’, one of royal blood and pure of heart.

 

...That was, until the royal family was overturned by a coup from within. Dregon, the second and youngest son of King Lexian M, in a prideful grab for power, introduced the idea of industrialization to Edenoi. While beneficial at first, machines and progress do not bode well for a planet if left unchecked, and unchecked it went, all according to Dregon’s plans. Within several hundred centuries, Edenoi was reduced to a desert, with Lexian and his grandson Prince Dex leading a resistance movement and battling Dregon’s forces, freeing those enslaved in factory-like labor camps to process whatever resources are left, and bring hope to Edenoi. But time is running out: Edenoi’s resources are spent, and the poisons that have been affecting the planet for as long as anyone can remember are finally taking their toll on the remaining lifeforms. Edenoi is dying, and Dex is its only hope…

 

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Several miniscule, yet filtered beams of sunlight managed to poke through the smog cloud cover that masked the planet of Edenoi for who-knew-how-long as the stranger on his beaten-up, rusted motorcycle drove through the endless desert. He appeared to be rather muscular, his bulges covered by a brown longcoat; his face was similarly shielded by a gasmask. The motorcycle itself was, at one point, a tinny silver, though years of exposure to the harsh environment of the planet had coated it in brown rust. Where he was going was not to be revealed, lest that information fell into the wrong hands.

 

Lost in his thoughts and focused entirely on his destination, the rider did not notice moving figures coming towards him. They were thin creatures, dressed in crude armor and gas masks identical to his. Surrounding him on all sides, the rider was shaken out of his thoughts by the sight of these raiders, commonly called Plague Patrols. Since Edenoi had barely any government to speak of anymore (and what “government” there was had been focused on the exploitation of whatever resources were left), tribes had sprung up to do as they pleased. Dregon was quick to take notice, and would occasionally employ them as mercenaries against the resistance; in exchange for whatever they desired: fresh food and water, women, among other things.

 

“Well, lookee here, boys.” the lead raider hissed, his voice raspy and deep. “Do you see what I see?”

 

“A resistance member on a motorcycle?” another raider asked, only to get slapped by his superior.

 

“Not just any resistance member, you idiot.” the leader said. “Think for a moment. Do any of the resistance members ride motorcycles?”

 

“No,” a third muttered. “That is, except…”

 

“...Prince Dex, the Chosen Hero of Edenoi.” the fourth and last Plague Patroller realized, his compound eyes widening underneath his mask.

 

“Exactly!” the leader said, patting him on the back. “Do you know what this means if we capture him?” he whispered.

 

“We can capture him, send him to Lord Dregon, and get all the luxuries we want! We could be the richest gang on Edenoi!” the dumb one, called Brutus, exclaimed. Unfortunately, he just happened to say it out loud, right in front of Dex. The cloaked prince of Edenoi slowly rose from the motorcycle, casting off his cloak to reveal his green, insectoid body showing his muscles. His hands, rather than regular fingers, bared sharp, black claws, his feet shaped into black, boot-like appendages. Removing his mask to reveal his face, the rider revealed his true identity, his red eyes having no pupils to see through, at least visible ones. His fangs, twisted into a permanent sneer, were pearl-white and razor-sharp, perfect for tearing. And to top this all off were two thin antennae right above his eyes. Dex opened his mouth to speak; with no lips to speak of (as he was an insect, albeit an anthropomorphic alien one), the result looked uncanny and horrifying:

 

“I do not think you Plague Patrollers realize just what you said. Capturing me and bringing me to that traitor Dregon will do nothing but fuel the various cells of the resistance that are scattered all over this planet into fighting harder. Yes, with the environment tampered with beyond any reasonable measure, our mission may seem hopeless in your eyes. After all, once Edenoi goes, we will go with it, yes?”

 

“Y-yes…” the Plague Patrollers whimpered, now scared beyond their wits.

 

“Then capturing me and bringing me to Dregon will accomplish nothing. Instead, I will bring your bodies to him. I AM THE RIGHTFUL PRINCE OF EDENOI, AND YOU SHALL BE PUNISHED IN THE NAME OF MY GRANDFATHER, KING LEXIAN!” With that, Dex promptly grabbed at two of the Plague Patrollers, biting into their necks, decapitating them in a geyser of blood. Tossing their bodies aside, Dex focused on the last two, who tried to futilely slash at Dex with the knives they had on them. Unfortunately, these were pointless as Dex punched one of them across the face and onto the ground, while brutally clawing into the leader’s chest until he was so far enough into his chest cavity he could feel his heart beating against his palm. With a screech, Dex ripped out the lead raider’s heart, the organ still beating in his hand. Tossing the heart aside, Dex focused his efforts now onto the last Plague Patroller. “Any last words?” Dex hissed.

 

“Please...spare me.” the raider begged.

 

“It is far too late.” Dex growled, before kicking the Plague Patroller so hard he exploded, his guts spilling onto the desertified ground. Redressing in his longcoat and gasmask, Dex got onto his motorcycle and sped off further into the desert, towards the mountains. He encountered no one else from that point on.

 

-------------------------

 

Meanwhile, far above Edenoi, away from the smog and toxins that would inevitably kill the planet quite soon, a castle-like ship floated in orbit. It was massive; if one could compare it to any sort of landmark, it would be comparable to, say, Prague Castle. The coloration of the starship was red and gold, the colors of House Lexian. Within the castle-ship lay a city unto itself, wherein the servants of Lord Dregon lived and worked to please their master. In the exact center of the ship was Dregon’s throne room. Unlike the rest of the castle, this room seemed dark, ominous, and industrial. Rather fitting.

 

Lined across the throne room were shelves and shelves of bottles, each containing a small monster. These were known as “Insectovores”, despite a good majority of them not being any sort of insect at all. And on his throne sat Dregon himself. A beast of a creature, Dregon resembled an anthropomorphic insect like the rest of Edenoi’s inhabitants; in his case, a Hercules beetle. Again, rather fitting. Sitting near him were several others, also insects. Well, two of them were insects, the other was a robot. The insectoid beings were a female anthro black widow spider wearing a red silk dress that revealed quite a bit of skin.

 

Her name was Veuve, and she was Dregon’s second-in-command. The other, a green and white earwig, was named Twinsect for his contrasting coloration. The robot was a small, floating top-shaped...thing with a white and black coloration. Its arms were completely different; the left one was a standard robot arm, the other was a miniature satellite dish. It was for this reason that the robot was named the Fact-Checker 40,000 (how many models they had to go through before reaching that number was anyone’s guess), or “Fact”, for short. The little robot, designed by the decidedly inept Sirius Cybernetics Corporation (who, it was said, were a ‘bunch of mindless jerks who would be the first against the wall when the revolution came’), was created to harness statistics, act as a surveillance drone (which was how Dregon kept tabs on the planet), and could get all 1 zillion intergalactic television channels. In addition, Fact had been programmed with a ‘Genuine People Personality’ chip, making him incredibly loyal and chipper to Dregon. Annoyingly chipper, in fact. Pun intended.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Down in the mountains of Edenoi, Dex kept on driving until he reached the mouth of a cave, strategically hidden in a spot where this particular cell of the resistance knew Fact’s signals couldn’t detect. Parking the bike outside the entrance, Dex got off and entered the cave, walking deeper and deeper until he reached what could have been considered the end of it. The walls were lit by a small fire, where several people were sitting around it: an anthro Japanese beetle, an anthro ladybug, an anthro unicorn beetle, and an anthro grasshopper much like Dex, except this one seemed far older, complete with a flowing grey beard. They were (respectively) Zarius, Ferrian, Donais, and King Lexian. “Ah, hello, Dex.” his grandfather greeted. “Come and sit by the fire.” Dex, after removing his longcoat and gas mask, did so.

 

“How’d the mission go?” Donais asked.

 

“Successfully.” Dex said with a hint of humility.

 

“How many prisoners were you able to get out?” Zarius asked.

 

“Hush!” Ferrian said harshly. “We can’t hear the report if you two keep asking questions!”

 

“Ferrian has a point.” King Lexian said. “Dex, if you will.”

 

“Certainly, Grandfather.”

 

-------------------------------

 

Earlier that day…

 

Dex pressed himself against the surface of the rock he was hiding behind, occasionally popping his head out to stare at the massive prison-factory that was many miles away, though still clearly visible. It stood out like a massive grey wart, the building consisting of a large octagonal building topped with a spiraling smokestack, which was coughing up large amounts of black carcinogenic smog into the atmosphere. The main building, which acted as a factory to “mine” gases from beneath the surface, was surrounded on all sides by smaller facilities, which included dormitory-like cells for the prisoners, a cafeteria which produced synthetic, flavorless “food”, and most disturbingly, an execution chamber for those who had disobeyed Dregon’s orders or outlived their usefulness to him. Surrounded on all sides by an impossibly tall, layered metal fence, the labor camp was guarded by Dregon’s foot soldiers, orange and white humanoid worms known as Maggots. They were not very intelligent or strong, but made up for it with their fierce obedience to their master and single-mindedness. Getting on his motorcycle, Dex sped towards the factory, the wheels kicking up a trail of dust as they rolled across the ground. Noticing the vehicle approaching them, it took the two Maggots on guard duty several minutes for their rudimentary thought processes to realize Dex was heading towards them, and they armed themselves with primitive spears and swords.

 

Eyeing his opponents, Dex hoisted himself off of the motorcycle seat as it continued speeding forward, gripping the handlebars as he positioned himself and readying his first attack. With a SKREE, the Maggots charged forward with their weapons, only for them to be hit in the face with a roundhouse kick, knocking the humanoid worm-creatures back and causing their weapons to fly out of their hands. The motorcycle crashed into the prison’s barrier, somehow unscathed and blowing a hole through it. Retrieving one of the Maggots’ swords, Dex used it to stab it through the stomach, killing it instantly. Grabbing the spear, Dex used it to stab the other Maggot in the eye, impairing it before he pulled the sword out of the corpe’s stomach and impaling the surviving Maggot with it. With both guards now dead and the klaxons inside the prison now blaring wildly, Dex got back onto the motorcycle and riding into the prison complex, killing whatever guards stood in his way. (rather brutally, actually). Parking the bike into a corner of the main factory, Dex began scaling the side of it towards a vent and pried its cover off rather easily, climbing inside. His goal was simple: destroy the factory and set free the prisoners. And so far, it was a piece of cake.

 

Some hours passed, the claustrophobic feeling of the vent shaft really creeping up on Dex now. He had no clue where this particular factory’s engine core was, so he would have to make an educated guess based on the temperature increasing as he moved. Even more time passed before Dex felt his hands and feet nearly burning. “There it is. he muttered, kicking down the vent leading into the engine core. The ‘core’ resembled a large boiler, emitting chugging sounds as it processed the gases that were mined by the prisoners. What were these gases used for, one wondered? In short, chemical weapons for Dregon’s personal use. The engine core appeared to be completely unguarded, allowing Dex to destroy it. Retrieving a purpleish laser sword from his longcoat, Dex threw it at the engine before crawling back into the vent quickly as the entire factory shook and the shafts were filled with bright orange flame. Escaping the wreckage behind him, Dex began hurriedly escorting prisoners out, only telling them to run. A mother, who resembled an anthro praying mantis, turned to him alongside her children.

 

“Thank you, Prince Dex.” she whispered. “I must ask one thing, however, and I do not have much time…”

 

“Ask, and I shall try and answer as best I can.” Dex said. “But hurry.”

 

“Why?” she whispered. “Why has Dregon forsaken us?”

 

“Because he feels he can use and abuse this planet to his liking for his own gain. Dregon is nothing but a warmonger.”

 

“Thank you…” she replied before running off, as far away from the burning wreckage as she could.

 

---------------

 

“You did wonderfully, Dex.” Lexian said.

 

“Thank you, Grandfather.” Dex said, bowing before him.

 

“Get up, Dex.” Lexian warmly chided, laughing a bit. “Your love for me is all I need. Don’t be so formal.”

 

“My apologies, Grandfather.” Dex laughed back, getting up.

 

“Apologies accepted.” Dex then sat back down.

 

An uneasy silence fell over the five of them, the only sounds in the cave being the echoing crackling of the fire. “Dex, my boy…” Lexian finally spoke. “You are a fine leader and dedicated to resisting Dregon’s reign over Edenoi. But…”

 

“But…?” Dex replied, noticing the worried tone in his grandfather’s voice.

 

“But Edenoi is dying.” Lexian said gravely.

 

“Thank you Captain Obvious…” Zarius muttered, Ferrian slapping him. “OW! I mean, apologies, your Majesty, but we know Edenoi is dying.”

 

“You are correct, Zarius.” Lexian said. “Edenoi is dying. But it is dying far faster than we first thought.”

 

“...How fast?” Ferrian asked, shock and horror in her voice. If Edenoi is dying much quicker than we thought, she rationalized, then we as a species could go extinct in very little time.

 

“I do not know.” said Lexian. “But what I do know is that I will need to send Dex away from Edenoi.” This shocked everyone else, especially Dex himself.

 

“Why me?” Dex said. “Why must I be sent away, and no one else?”

 

“Dex, you are a symbol of hope to those left on Edenoi.” Lexian said, retrieving a small metal box from behind a rock. “I am sending you away so that those you encounter will have something to believe in.” He then opened the box to reveal a black belt with a square gold buckle on it. Embedded into this belt were two beautiful rubies, as red as Dex’s eyes. “Which is why I am giving you this.”

 

Dex’s eyes widened. “The belt of the Chosen Hero?”

 

“The very same.” Lexian answered. “You have many times in the past proclaimed to be Edenoi’s Chosen Hero. Now it is time you lived up to those boasts.” Dex took the belt after hesitating for several moments, and put it around his waist.

 

“Thank you, Grandfather. I swear on the name of our Royal House that I will uphold the values of Edenoi no matter what.”

 

“I know you will, Dex.” Lexian said, hugging his grandson. “I know you will.”

 

“I have a question, however.” Zarius interrupted.

 

“Yes, Zarius?” Lexian replied. “What is it?”

 

“It is obvious that Dex will need to blend in with whatever lifeforms he ends up with.” Zarius stated.

 

“Yes, and your point is…?” Ferrian snarked.

 

Zarius glared at her before continuing. “How, exactly will he disguise himself?”

 

Or even how he will get there?” Donais added.

 

Lexian raised his hands to silence the two. “All will be revealed soon. For now, I will be preparing for Dex’s departure.”

 

“We’ll miss you, Dex.” Ferrian said, hugging him. Soon enough, she was joined by Donais and Zarius, all three of them crying. “You may never see us again, but we’ll have you in our hearts.”

 

“...I’ll miss you too. You’re not just my friends, or my teammates. You’re my family.” Dex said, and he began crying as well.

 

-----------------------------------

 

Several more days passed by, with the resistance taking care of business as usual. That was, until Dex’s preparations to leave Edenoi were finished. Dex, Donais, Ferrian, and Zarius gathered deeper within in the cave, where Lexian stood in front of a large grey metal pod. It appeared to be very old, perhaps even ancient. The interior seemed to lack any sort of computers or screens, just a large cushy seat large enough for Dex to sit in. And lastly, on the pod’s left side, there was a large compartment for Dex’s motorcycle, which the prince had brought with him on his grandfather’s request. “Dex,” Lexian began. “It saddens me-it saddens us all, I should say-to see you go while our planet dies and our species goes extinct. But at the same time, I am proud of you. You have brought hope to Edenoi, and wherever you will go, you will fling a light into the darkness for those who look up to you. You are the Chosen Hero, Dex. Never forget that.”

 

“I won’t.” Dex said, hugging his friends one final time.

 

“We’ll miss you, Dex…” Ferrian said softly.

 

“Me especially.” Donais said. He’d been Dex’s best friend since childhood (how many years ‘childhood’ was to the Edeni, anyway, given their practical immortality), and the two had been through thick and thin. So to see his best friend having to abandon them was devastating to Donais, as evidenced by his breaking voice and teary eyes. “I’ll miss you so much, Dex.”

 

“We all will.” Zarius said, walking up to Dex and shaking his hand in one final goodbye gesture. “It has been a honor to serve under you, Prince Dex. I only pray to the spirits that wherever you go, that Dregon does not follow.”

 

“Thank you, Zarius.” Dex said with a nod. “It has been an honor to lead you. Though, to address your concerns about Dregon, I do fear he may follow me. But you know what? I will fight him to my last breath. And that is a promise.”

 

With a nod to Lexian, the pod slowly opened up, and Dex climbed in. As it closed, Dex looked at his friends and grandfather for the last time before a fluorescent green liquid began filling the inside of the pod. Dex did not move; in fact he seemed content to not struggle as he was submerged in the rising liquid. “Your Majesty,” Ferrian asked. “What’s happening? Why is the pod being filled with that...sludge?”

 

“That ‘sludge’ you speak of is Bio-Augmentation Plasma, Ferrian.” Lexian explained. “Right now, it is rewriting Dex’s DNA to create a form that will help him blend in with whatever planet he is on.”

 

“That still brings up my question from earlier.” Zarius said as the pod slowly rose from the ground and quickly launched itself upwards, destroying part of the cave roof as it sped off towards the smog cover and far away. “Where is Dex being sent to, exactly?”

 

“A planet far, far away from here.” Lexian answered. “I believe it is called ‘Earth’.”

 

----------------------------

 

Meanwhile, in Dregon’s castle-ship, a silence had fallen over the group. Veuve was in the middle of repeatedly kissing her master while stroking his muscular arms when Fact suddenly began to beep and whir excitedly. “Hmmm?” Dregon grunted, his voice incredibly deep and echoing. “What is it, Fact?”

 

“It had better be important.” Veuve warned. “Otherwise, I will take you apart and use you for scrap metal.”

 

“Yeah!” Twinsect mindlessly agreed. “Scrap metal!”

 

“Silence, both of you!” Dregon ordered, though he had a tone of obvious regret. For all his supposed ‘evil’, he still treated his commanders like family. “Fact, what have you to report?”

 

“I’m detecting an escape pod leaving Edenoi’s atmosphere, boss!” Fact replied in his usual happy tone. Dregon noted with annoyance that Fact couldn’t feel any other emotion than ‘exuberant’ due to his programming. Damn you, Sirius Cybernetics, Dregon thought. I hope the revolution comes soon so you can be tried as the hacks that you so obviously are.

 

“An escape pod, hmmm?” Dregon said. “Where, exactly, did it come from?”

 

“I don’t know, sir.” Fact replied. “What I do know is that I can detect Prince Dex’s bio-signature.” Immediately, Veuve’s eyes widened.

 

“Do you know what this means, my love?” she asked Dregon.

 

“Of course, dear.” Dregon answered.

 

“Uhh, I don’t!” Twinsect replied. Veuve promptly proceeded to punch him across the room.

 

“It means,” Veuve said. “That Prince Dex is trying to escape from Edenoi.”

 

“The question is, where is he going?” Twinsect wondered, still dazed from Veuve punching him so hard.

 

“Finally, you say something intelligent for once.” Dregon said dryly. “Where is he going, Fact?”

 

“I dunno, boss!” Fact answered. “Maybe we should follow him!”

 

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Twinsect asked. “I mean, what about the planet?”

 

Veuve stared at him blankly, her expression giving off the indication that what Twinsect had just asked was the stupidest thing that she had ever heard. “You really are ignorant, aren’t you, Twinsect? Think for a moment. Prince Dex is escaping to another planet. What do planets have that could be useful to us?”

 

Even with the obvious hint, it took several minutes for Twinsect to draw a conclusion. “...Resources?”

 

“Good boy.” Veuve said with facetious sarcasm. “You got something right.”

 

“B-but wouldn’t that mean abandoning Edenoi to its own devices?” Twinsect asked.

 

“Of course, you idiot.” Dregon snapped. “It’s not like we have any more use for it after so many centuries of draining its resources.”

 

“Shall I set a course, then, sir?” Fact replied, his satellite dish whirring around excitedly.

 

“Yes. Set a course for...wherever Prince Dex is headed.” Dregon ordered. Not long afterwards, several jet thrusters under the castle lit themselves alight, and in defiance of all known laws of physics, the ship entered hyperdrive and sped off, away from the poisoned landscapes of the planet below it.

 

-----------------

 

Earth, as defined from a scientific standpoint, is the third planet from the main sequence star known as Sol, which is itself located in the Orion Arm of the Milky Way galaxy. Through a fascinating set of conditions known as the “Goldilocks Zone”, this small planet has managed to produce viable air and water, and by extension, a plethora of life forms. The dominant species of Earth is the Homo sapien, otherwise known as “humans”. Evolved from common primates, humanity has managed to build themselves an enduring civilization, despite the impossible odds.

 

...From a galactic standpoint, Earth’s existence is one of the cruelest jokes ever conceived, and should be rectified immediately. In fact, it is such a cruel joke that very few are even aware that it exists. One of the few alien civilizations that knew of the planet, known as Irk, had exiled not one, but two of its conquerors (well, one was not necessarily a conqueror) to the insignificant little mudball for the sole purpose of getting rid of them. The first, named Zim, had been ‘assigned’ to ‘invade’ Earth due to his very destructive screw-ups, to put it lightly. The other, named Skoodge, actually was assigned to a planet known as Blorch (home of the slaughtering rat people), and had successfully conquered it on his own. So, then, why had Irk’s leaders, the Almighty Tallest, exiled him to Earth? Well, it was for far a more petty reason: they did not want Skoodge, a short wide Irken, to act as a poster boy for their conquest of the galaxy, Operation Impending Doom II; what had happened to Impending Doom I? Well, Zim happened.

 

Where was I? Oh, right. Zim and Skoodge were currently patrolling the city in which they lived, a decrepit and filthy place, in their Voot Cruiser, pondering a plan to conquer humanity yet again. No one in the streets below took any notice of the small ship hovering above them; to humanity, aliens didn’t exist, nor wouldn’t have existed.

 

Well, except to one. His name was Dib Membrane, and his mission in life was to expose Zim and Skoodge for the invaders they were and save humanity. Not that humanity needed saving, however. Zim, as noted before, was incredibly incompetent and often managed to screw up his plans on his own, which wasn’t helped by Skoodge or his minions GIR and Minimoose.

 

Not that humanity took notice, anyway, as mentioned before. For all they knew, Zim had a ‘skin condition’ and were easily fooled by his and Skoodge’s disguises, with just consisted of eye-like contacts and wigs. And that wasn’t getting into how they treated Dib. They considered the boy insane, which when putting his behavior into account at times, wasn’t inaccurate. Though, a majority of the time, Dib was doing nothing wrong. The universe just seemed to hate him that much. Right now, he sat in his house casually watching television, his sister Gaz doing her usual thing and concentrating solely on the handheld game she was playing.

 

Meanwhile, Dex’s pod entered Earth’s atmosphere, and was currently on fire as it sped towards the ground, specifically towards Dib’s front yard. This caught Zim and Skoodge’s attention, if the computer beeping inside the Voot Cruiser was any indication. “Object entering atmosphere, object entering atmosphere,” it droned.

 

“Hm?!” Zim responded, one of his red eyes widening in intrigue. “An object is in the atmosphere!?”

 

“...That’s what the computer just said.” Skoodge replied.

 

“BE QUIET!” Zim screamed. “Computer, what is this object, and where is it headed?”

 

“Object is pod containing unknown life form. Coordinates place pod as heading towards home of ‘Dib-monkey’.”

 

The gears began to turn in Zim’s head and he came to the most logical and sane conclusion: “SOMEHOW, THE DIB HAS ORDERED A LIVING WEAPON, AND IS PLANNING TO USE IT AGAINST ME!”

 

...This could not have been farther from the truth. Meanwhile, Dex’s pod did end up crashing in Dib’s yard, creating a slightly flaming crater that was 6 feet wide, and six feet deep. Dib jumped slightly, looking at Gaz. “Gaz, did you hear that?” No answer. “Something’s crash-landed in our yard, from the sound of it. I’m gonna investigate. You stay here and make sure nothing gets in.” Gaz looked up from her game, glaring at her brother.

 

“Don’t tell me what to do.” she growled. Dib, knowing better than to anger his sister, immediately bolted out the door. Staring at the crater before him, he slowly approached it, but ended up tripping and falling in with a yelp. Now seeing it up close filled Dib with a sense of fear and excitement. He had suspicions that whatever was inside had malicious intentions due to experiences with Zim and Tak, though his magnificent brain told him not to assume anything; after all, if there were malicious aliens out there, there could have been benevolent ones too. Dib’s thoughts were interrupted by the pod opening suddenly, revealing what looked like a dark green chrysalis inside it. “

 

A cocoon…” Dib observed. “That could only mean something’s inside...but what?” His questions were immediately answered when the shell broke open, revealing a young man inside. He appeared to be Caucasian, with piercing black hair and brown eyes. Age-wise, he looked to be 16. He was completely naked, his body covered in streaks of green goo. Though Dib didn’t know it just yet, this was Prince Dex, his appearance changed by the Bio-Augmentation Plasma from that of a humanoid grasshopper to that of a human being. He appeared to be slightly confused as to where he was, an understandable situation. Dib stared, overcome with s mix of fascination and suspicion. He doubted this human appearance was Dex’s true form, but it was certainly a better disguise than Zim’s. Before Dib could say anything more, Dex opened his mouth to speak.

 

“Greetings. I am Prince Dex of Edenoi. I come in peace.”

 

“Suuuure you do, buddy.” Dib snarked, narrowing his eyes.

 

“I assure you, I mean you no harm.” Dex replied, now taking on an equally dry tone.

 

“Oh, yeah?” Dib fired back. “Prove it. Otherwise, I’ll conduct an autopsy on you and send the video footage to Mysterious Mysteries.”

 

Dex had no idea what an ‘autopsy’ or ‘Mysterious Mysteries’ was, nor did he care to find out. Placing two of his fingers onto his temples and closing his eyes tightly, a round green crystal suddenly appeared in the middle of his forehead, projecting tinted holographic images of Edenoi’s current state, the Plague Patrollers, the labor camps, and Dregon, with Dex explaining all the way. After several minutes of silence, Dib spoke, his massive head trying to process all of the new information. “So, let me get this straight. You’re a prince who comes from a dying planet of insect aliens ruled by your evil uncle, and your mission is to bring hope to this world?”

 

“Exactly.” Dex replied. “And I will ask this of you, young…”

 

“Dib. Call me Dib.” the boy answered. He was sympathetic towards Dex’s cause, mostly because he didn’t seem to have any malicious intentions. Perhaps he could gain an ally in fighting Zim too. It’d certainly help, and given what he saw, Dex was certainly formidable.

 

“Yes...Dib.” Dex repeated, the name rolling off his tongue smoothly. “Will you ally yourself with me in the fight for this planet?”

 

“Well, I’m currently fighting to save this planet from two idiots. So it should be me asking you for an alliance.” Dib responded, much to Dex’s disapproval. “...Sorry.”

 

“It is alright, Dib. Now, I will ask again. Will you ally yourself with me?”

 

Dib pondered this for several minutes, weighing the pros and cons of such an alliance. Finally, he spat on one of his hands and extended it to Dex. The latter looked at him, perplexed. “What are you doing?”

 

“This is how we keep promises here on Earth.” Dib explained.

 

“Like a blood oath?”

 

“Yeah, but well...y’know, without the blood.”

 

With a nod showing he understood, Dex spat on his own hand and shook it with Dib’s, sealing their mutual alliance. Lo and behold, Zim appeared at that inopportune moment, laughing maniacally as he fired wildly at Dex and Dib, the two frantically trying to dodge the lasers from the Voot Cruiser. From within, Skoodge stared at Zim, absolutely confused. “Uhhh, Zim? Are you sure that Dib even has some kind of weapon? All I see are a couple of humans.” This earned him a death glare from the latter, Zim’s crimson-red eyes filled with rage.

 

“ARE YOU QUESTIONING MY SUPERIOR JUDGEMENT, SKOODGE?! IF I SAY THE DIB-STINK HAS A WEAPON, THEN HE HAS A WEAPON!”

 

“I’m not questioning your judgement, Zim.” Skoodge said firmly, his competence as an Invader overriding his cowardice and gullibility for once. “I’m just saying you might be mistaken.” Zim’s response was to grab Skoodge and promptly toss him out of the Voot Cruiser onto Dib’s lawn, where he lay in front of the large-headed human and Dex. The small Invader looked at the two, before turning to see Zim taunting him from within the ship. “OH, FUCK YOU, ZIM! FUCK! YOU!” He then turned back to Dib and Dex, his hands raised defensively. “Listen, Dib and...whoever you are…”

 

“My name is Dex, strange creature.” the Edeni prince replied. “What is your name?”

 

“I am Invader Skoodge of the Irkens. And that idiot who tossed me out of the ship is Zim.”

 

“You don’t sound too happy.” Dex replied, trying to dodge Zim’s blasts.

 

“Of course I’m not.” Skoodge replied. “I was dragged along here because Zim thinks Dib over here ordered some sort of...wea...pon…” He trailed off as he caught sight of Dex’s pod. So Zim was kinda right, Skoodge reasoned. But it doesn’t look like Dib ordered anything. If he did, it would have been obvious it was from Callnowia. Skoodge then looked between the Dex and the pod, and it all made sense to him. Though he had some suspicions. “Are...are you here to invade Earth too?”

 

“What? No!” Dex replied, caught-off guard by Skoodge’s question. “I was sent here to protect the creatures that inhabit it.” He then watched as the left compartment of his pod open to reveal his motorcycle, seemingly having chosen that moment to do so. Getting onto it, Dex looked up at Zim as the alien kept firing. “Like so.” Before either Dib or Skoodge could say anything else, Dex pressed buttons on a small control panel beneath the bike’s handlebars, producing a mirror and minigun. As Zim kept firing, he noticed that the lasers were being redirected at him.

 

“AH HA!” he declared. “I, THE MIGHTY ZIM, WAS RIGHT! THE DIB-STINK DID ORDER A WEAPON!”

 

“It’s a motorcycle!” Gir added cheerfully, much to Zim’s irritation. “Just like the one Pig has!”

 

“Whoa, that’s so cool!” Minimoose squeaked out. “Can we get a motorcycle, Zim? Huh? Huh?”

 

“NO! SHUT UP, THE BOTH OF YOU!” Zim  screeched, turning back to keep firing at Dex. “DO YOU THINK THOSE WEAPONS ARE EFFECTIVE AGAINST ME, PUNY HUMAN?! THIS IS IRKEN TECHNOLOGY, FAR SUPERIOR TO YOUR EARTH TECHNOLOGY!”

 

“You’re forgetting something, Zim…” Dex replied.

 

“WHAT?!” Zim shouted.

 

“...I’m not human.” Dex finished, before the front wheel of the motorcycle launched itself off of the bike, large metal blades protruding from its sides, and struck at the Voot Cruiser, which tore through its engine and brought the ship down in a fiery explosion. Much to Dex’s amazement, Zim and his two robot companions survived, albeit Zim was not entirely unscathed. Approaching the wreckage, Dex stared at Zim with the intention to seriously injure the Irken. “I am Prince Dex of Edenoi. My mission is to…”

 

“LIES! YOU’RE HERE TO STEAL MY MISSION, AREN’T YOU?!” Zim interrupted, pointing an accusatory finger at Dex. The latter promptly grabbed his hand and painfully twisted it. “YOU DARE HARM ME, THE GREATEST IRKEN INVADER?!” Zim kept it up despite the pain.

 

“...Do you know what my first impression is of you, Zim?” Dex replied. “You are an arrogant little creature who believes himself to be a worthy adversary of the human race. You are, in the bluntest of terms, far from it. As the Chosen Hero of my home and now of Earth, my mission is to protect this world from beings like you. Let this be a lesson, Zim, that you will not forget.” Dex then proceeded to twist Zim’s other arm until it snapped, and broke both of his legs, leaving the Irken severely crippled. Looking at Gir and Minimoose, Dex simply told them, “Get him back to wherever he has set up base.” Zim would have protested the fact that Dex gave ‘his’ minions orders, but he was in far too much pain to do so. Gir hoisted Zim onto his back, while Minimoose (despite the laws of physics, but he was a Vortian superweapon after all) carried the flaming wreckage of the Voot Cruiser onto his. Together, the two robots flew back to their base, leaving Dex, Dib, and Skoodge just standing there.

 

“Wow.” Skoodge finally said after several minutes of awkward silence. “I can’t believe you actually hurt Zim the way you did!”

 

“...And you’re not angry about it?” Dex asked.

 

“Nope!” Skoodge said cheerfully. “Far from it, actually. Zim’s pretty incompetent for an Invader. Me, on the other hand, I conquered Blorch all on my own.”

 

“You...you conquered an entire planet?” Dex asked, bewildered. “But you don’t seem like the kind who would.” Skoodge stared at him blankly.

 

“Is it because I’m short?!”

 

“No, that’s not what I meant. I meant you seem too nice and friendly to be a conqueror.”

 

“Well, you’re right about ‘nice and friendly’.” Dib said. “Skoodge is actually a pretty nice guy...BUT HE’S STILL TRYING TO TAKE OVER EARTH!”

 

“...Wow. That’s pretty backhanded, Big Head.” Skoodge muttered.

 

“MY HEAD’S NOT BIG!” Dib screamed, before it dawned on him that Dex was still naked. Which, given all that he had done, was incredibly impressive. And gross. But mostly impressive. “Come on. Let’s get you some clothes, Dex. I don’t need the cops being called and you getting arrested.” Dex nodded, following Dib into his home, but not before nodding at Skoodge, which seemed to confirm that they were now friends, for lack of a better term.

 

Once Dib entered his house with Dex following behind him, the large-headed teenager sat next to his older sister, who was still concentrated on her video game. Gaz was about sixteen (two years older than Dib), with dark purple hair styled like a demon’s fanged jaws; appropriate, considering her demeanor. The most startling thing about her, as far as Dex was concerned, was what she was wearing: a rather revealing leather mini dress that seemed to fit around her well-curved (despite her near-sedentary lifestyle and fondness for pizza) figure, the front covered with intercrossing leather straps studded with diamonds, which themselves were part of a corset. From his perspective (and quite frankly, from any sane/rational person’s), this seemed to clash inappropriately with the fact that she was in her mid to late teens. Not that Gazleen Membrane, daughter of Moloch and granddaughter of Khorne and Slaanesh, cared. With the half-Chaos God heritage she had, she had very little reason to care for any sorts of standards people might have had...not that anyone would dare disobey her whims.

 

Anyway, where was I?

 

Oh, right.

 

Once Dib entered the house and directed Dex to his room for some spare clothing, the latter re-emerged into the living room, dressed in a T-shirt and black jeans. Gaz glanced at him, snorted, then turned her attention back to the TV.

 

“What is the matter with her?” Dex asked.

 

“She’s...scary.” Dib replied. “Whatever you do, Dex, don’t piss her off.” Dex nodded, then sat next to Gaz, transfixed by the television.

 

“Fascinating...are there actually earthlings small enough to get them in that circle-thing?”

 

“Yes.” Gaz said dryly. “We big earthlings make the small ones fight to the death for our entertainment.”

 

“Amazing. I never knew Earth had blood sports.” Dex replied, retrieving a piece of paper and a pen and writing all of this ‘information’ down. Gaz looked at Dib, a grin spreading across her face.

 

“He's almost as gullible as you, little brother.” she whispered, loud enough for him to hear, but quiet enough for Dex to remain oblivious.

 

“Yeah, true.” Dib replied. “...HEY! I AM NOT GULLIBLE!”

 

“Could have fooled me.” Dex said casually.

 

“YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!” Dib replied.

 

“Hey, look over there. A Glaxnorp with one eyeball.” Dex replied, using common hyperbole used on Edenoi. Dib excitedly ran to get a camera. Gaz chuckled, grinning at Dex.

 

“I like you already.”

 

“I do not know your name, but as do I.” Dex replied, grinning back at her.

 

“I'm Gaz. Gazleen, technically, but if you call me that, I'll kill you.” she said.

 

“It is a pleasure to meet you, Gaz.” Dex said, attempting to kiss her hand, but Gaz growling and slapping him hard dissuaded him of that notion. “...Ow.”

 

“Don't touch me.” She said, her eyes briefly turning red. “Don't. Ever. Touch me.”

 

“Noted.” Dex replied. “In any case, I am Prince Dex of Edenoi, well...formerly of Edenoi.”

 

“Formerly?” Gaz asked, somewhat interested. Dex nodded, using what Dib had dubbed the ‘mind crystal’ to in private, showing Gaz visions of Dregon, the Edenian wasteland, the Maggots, and the labor camps. Rather than shock and horror like Dib, Gaz had the opposite reaction.

 

“I like him.” She said about Dregon. Immediately, Dex went pale as he realized what Gaz was, well...not entirely.

 

“Just what exactly, are you?”.

 

“Your worst nightmare.” Gaz replied. Before any blows could be had between them, they were interrupted by a news broadcast. Apparently a human-sized, humanoid spider, red and black with four arms and eight legs, was rampaging in the city and tearing people apart and eating them.

 

“No...how can a tiny Spigore fit inside the cube thing...unless...no…” Dex muttered to himself.

 

“Holy shit…” Gaz said, looking a bit disgusted.

 

“I thought you liked Dregon.” Dex said. “That is one of his Insectivores. Vile beasts.”

 

“Doesn't mean I like watching people get eaten.” Gaz replied.

 

“Are you able to tell me just where exactly Spigore is attacking?” Dex said urgently.

 

“Couldn't tell you.” Gaz said, promptly losing interest in the situation and going on her phone.

 

“You don’t care if Dregon rules over this planet, but I do.” Dex replied. Positioning his hands on his waist to activate his belt, it began glowing as Dex began making strange signals. “Ectophase activate!” he called out. “HENSHIN!” Immediately, the belt began flashing rapidly as it enveloped Dex in ruby-red light, instantaneously transforming into an armored green warrior; his helmet was black aside from the eye lenses, which were blood red and trimmed by silver; the mouthpiece was pure silver, with no indication as to where Dex’s mouth was located. The rest of the armor was green, aside from the shoulder pads, hands themselves (albeit accented by silver wristpieces, a silver spot between the armor’s ‘abs’, and waist, which were black. “I am the Chosen Hero, assigned to protect this world from Dregon and his monsters.” he spoke, his voice now distorted and deep as to hide his identity.

 

Gaz was about to say something sarcastic, before the wall exploded. Dex looked at Gaz, though she could sense his sheepishness. “Apologies. My grandfather was the Chosen Hero before me, and explosions always happened after transforming.”

 

“You might want to move to the side.” Gaz said.

 

“Why?” Dex asked, but he immediately got his answer when Spigore sent him flying and smashing the TV. Gaz reacted to this by punching the creature hard enough to send it flying fifty feet. The news crew that had been following it let out a collective ‘Ahhhh!’ of amazement, before turning away from the Membrane house and running like the wind the other way, hoping to catch more footage of Spigore. Soon after, Dib ran downstairs, but as he was about to complain about how the noise scared the Glaxnorp, he stared blankly at the destroyed wall, TV, and the armored Dex.

 

“OK...three things. What happened, how will we explain this to Dad, and who’s this guy?” Dex immediately facepalmed. Gaz wasn't there to snark at Dib; she was busy beating the Spigore to death on the front lawn. The poor creature didn't stand a chance, flailing and shrieking as she punched it again and again, causing blood to spray. Dex ran out onto the lawn, getting into a battle stance as Spigore weakly turned to face him.

 

“Rider...KICK!” Dex yelled out as he launched himself, right foot pressing outwards as he landed on Spigore; the pressure of high-powered foot to face causing Spigore to tremble slightly before it exploded in a geyser of blood, destroyed organs, and tissue. The news crew, who had somehow realized they were going the wrong way, cheered as they focused on Dex, or as the news reporter, a ditzy, blonde, and curvy woman dubbed him, the Masked Rider, even as they and their cameras were covered in blood.

 

Gaz stood up, casually stripping and walking back inside to take a shower. Ten minutes later, she came back out, wearing a robe, her hair down, straight, and carefully brushed. She promptly went back inside, Dex silently screaming that he did not want this many reporters swarming him. Gaz went into the kitchen, grabbing a can of soda from the fridge and opening it before taking a few small sips. That was when she realized something.

 

…

…

…

...Dib ate the last slice of pizza.

 

…

…

…

…”DIB! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!” Dib did not answer; he had already ran, shoving past Dex and the swarm of reporters. Gaz followed moments later, tossing reporters aside without slowing down as she chased her brother. Dex ran after them, whatever reporters were left following him as well.

 

Dregon could see all this from his fortress-ship, but he was not displeased. “Gee, boss!” Fact chirped in. “I told you we should have sent them all in!”

 

“Duh, yeah, boss! Wouldn’t it have been better?” Twinsect replied.

 

“Be silent, you gibbering morons.” Dregon growled. Dealing with Fact and Twinsect gave him migraines more often than he cared to admit.

 

“Yes, be silent.” Veuve agreed, snuggling her lord and lover close to her. “Though I do agree. Would it not have been better to send the Insectivores all at once, perhaps into different Earth cities? From how I’ve observed humans thus far, they are incredibly dumb.”

 

“I mean, it isn’t like they’re not already destroying themselves.” Fact observed. “Pollution, advanced technology everywhere…”

 

“That is one of the reasons I didn't send all of them.” Dregon said. “Conquering mankind would be trivially easy...without the exiled Prince Dex in the way. He needs to die first.”

 

“So we keep attacking the same city.” Fact concluded. “...Buuut what’s the other reason you don’t send all of them?”

 

“Because,” Veuve replied. “The Insectivores are still wild beasts. They would attack each other all at once.”

 

“I also don't want to slaughter innocents.” Dregon added. “Not because of morality, but because it will draw too much attention to us.” Indeed, the rampage of Spigore had attracted attention from not only the news (who would, thanks to the efforts of Professor Membrane, brush it off as something ‘rational’) but also a group known as the Swollen Eyeball Network, a secret society that was the amalgamation of every conspiracy known to man, ranging from the Church of the SubGenius and Discordianism to Illuminati and JFK theorists. Professor Membrane was one of the men in charge of the Network. He, and the rest of the Directors of the Network, knew of Zim's ‘invasion’, but regarded him as a non-threat. Dib didn’t know any of this, having brushed off his recruitment into the organization as recognition of his genius. But he had gotten into the Network, under the code name ‘Mothman’ thanks to his father. And now, they were interested in Dex.

 

Naturally, how they approached dealing with Dex, and the foes that pursued him, sparked debates amongst the Directors. Agent Darkbootie, who acted as Dib’s mentor (if to some degree reluctantly sometimes), advised they approach the future ‘Agent Hopper’ directly. Another, Malaclypse the Youngest, suggested they kidnap him and ‘induct’ him, quote, “Clockwork Orange-style”. Membrane shot this idea down. “But Director, you do not understand. He is a non-Discordian. A greyface.” Malaclypse replied.

 

“Malaclypse, we get it. You believe everyone is part of the Greyface conspiracy, even fellow Discordians like myself, as well as Our Lady Eris.” Darkbootie said dryly.

 

“FNORD!” Malaclypse replied. Darkbootie just groaned loudly.

 

“Can we just wipe his memory and reassign him to guard R’lyeh?” he asked Membrane.

 

“I have half a mind to wipe all of your memories.” Membrane said, sighing. “I am surrounded by idiots…”

 

“You mean the entire Earth?” the small Membrane hand puppet the professor kept with him at all times snarked.

 

“Yes.” The Professor said dryly. “And the morons on the Board of Directors.”

 

“Getting back to business,” Darkbootie interrupted. “What are we to do about this Dex fellow?”

 

“Observe him, at least for now.” Membrane replied.

 

“Understood.”

 

The next day, Dex noted as he made his way towards the local high school, there was a lot of gossip about the ‘mysterious new hero’. Membrane rationalized Spigore as an insane man in a costume, albeit a realistic one. And everyone seemed to fall for it. Gaz hated the fact that Dex got all the attention. He killed the creature, but Gaz had beaten it within an inch of its life beforehand. As she, Dib, and Dex walked into homeroom, she noted that Mr. Cobain was, as usual, smoking a cigarette and his feet were on the desk. Technically, this was against school conduct, but what Gaz was currently wearing was also against school conduct.

 

Gaz copied him, putting her feet up on her desk and lighting one of her own cigarettes. Kurt gave her a thumbs up before coughing hard, getting everyone’s attention. “OK, kids...I have to read this ‘welcome the new student’ script, so pay attention.” And so, he read out, “I am pleased to welcome…”

 

“Dex. Dex Membrane.” the ex-Edeni prince answered. “I am, er…”

 

“He’s recently adopted.” Dib replied.

 

“Did I say you could talk?” Kurt replied.

 

“...Sorry.”

 

“Anyways, I wanna welcome Dex Membrane to our school.” Kurt then sent someone he didn’t care too much about to the ‘underground classrooms’, making a desk open for Dex, next to Gaz. “OK, now that that’s over...what to do...what to do…” Kurt muttered. “...Here we go. Everyone, we’re gonna read out history reports. Who wants to go first?”

 

“ME! CHOOSE ZIM, TEACHER HUMAN! CHOOSE ZIM! ZIM IS ME! ZIM IS ME!” a certain Irken shouted out. Dex noted that, as a ‘disguise’, Zim wore just a simple wig and fake eyes.

 

“Fine...if it’ll get you to shut the fuck up, you go first Zim.” Kurt muttered, stressfully lighting another cigarette. Gaz found herself briefly considering suicide as Zim read his report. His voice was the most annoying sound she had ever heard. His report, of course, consisted of his...rather warped and nonsensical version of the Cold War. Kurt poured his coffee mug full of whiskey, and downed it.

 

Gaz went next, and read out her well-researched report on the Siege of Leningrad, making sure to emphasize that some starving civilians ate their own children. “Mmmm, babies are delicious!” Zim interrupted in an effort to act ‘human’.

 

“Zim, if you do not shut the fuck up, I swear…” Kurt muttered.

 

“Most people don't eat their own kids, dipshit.” Gaz said dryly to Zim.

 

“Of course they do!” Zim insisted, before Kurt threw the empty bottle of Jack at his head, knocking him out.

 

“Jesus Christ, he's annoying.” Gaz said, returning to her desk. Kurt gave her an ‘A+++’. Gaz liked him. They had a lot of things in common, and he knew of her heritage. Gaz had decided not to ask her father how, exactly, he had caught her mother's eye. The Slaaneshi part of her attracted a lot of males and females, much to her dislike at times.

 

Gaz, in reality, was only into girls. This made her more receptive to advances from females. Her ‘grandparent’ Slaanesh would be proud of how many females she seemed to bed. Gaz had killed several boys who wouldn't take no for an answer. All of these deaths looked like accidents, of course. Not that anyone would have asked, anyway. People were just too terrified of the ‘scary girl’ to suspect her.

 

Two murders that did not look like accidents were committed after a particularly foolhardy pair of fanatically Christian students, one boy and one girl, tried to convert Gaz, who was a lifelong pagan. The girl was found nailed to a cross outside a nearby church, and the boy was found strangled by his own cross necklace. Gaz, of course, was still not suspected; the leaders of this particular church were, however.

 

The religion Gaz followed was...unique. She was, as stated before, a pagan, worshipping the ‘Old Gods’, as she called them, including many of the Greek, Egyptian and Norse deities. As well as the Old Testament God. She thought of the New Testament God as ‘too soft.’ Now the God of the Old Testament appealed to her very much.

 

The Chaos Gods, in contrast, didn't appeal to her at all. She could feel the presence of the Old Gods when she made offerings and prayed, in a way she couldn't explain. The Chaos Gods gave her nothing but silence. Even her own mother ignored her. The only people she felt remotely close to were Kurt and her father. And Dib, despite how much he annoyed her. She wasn’t sure about Dex, though.

 

Later that day, Gaz took a nap, and as she slumbered, her mind was pulled to a place where her mother was waiting. Moloch resembled a beautiful, if strong-looking, woman. Her eyes were a mix of red and purple, and she was dressed in a toga that revealed a bit of skin. Gaz promptly punched her in the face. “Ah, hello, Gazleen. Life has been treating you well, yes?”

 

“Go fuck yourself.”

 

“Gladly.” Moloch replied, doing just that. Gaz punched her again, this time breaking her nose. Moloch glared at her.

 

“Insolent child. You dare disrespect Me, your mother, that way?” Moloch roared.

 

“You're not my mother.” Gaz said. “You're a whore.”

 

Moloch summoned several Steeds, who proceeded to attack Gaz. They proceeded to beat her to a bloody pulp, retreating once Gaz had fallen to the ground and stopped moving. Moloch gazed at her, but before she could do anything, Gaz was awoken by Dex, who had been sitting on the couch. Gaz kicked him in the face before falling back asleep. As soon as she saw Moloch again, she started strangling her. Moloch let out several gasps of both pain and pleasure, euphorically encouraging Gaz to strangle her harder.

 

“You disgust me.” Gaz said, releasing her. “My father adored you, treated you like a queen, and you repaid him by leaving as soon as I was born. I grew up without a mother because of you. Or a father, for that matter. Dad threw himself into his work, and drinking, as soon as I could walk and talk, all because of you.”

 

“I cannot bother myself with a mortal or his kin, you know. I am a Chaos God, albeit a minor one. I have better things I must worry about.” Moloch said. “Besides...history repeats itself.”

 

“Then why reach out to me now?” Gaz asked. “16 years of silence, and you come visit now. Why?”

 

“Because I see potential in you, my child. Potential to transcend your meat body and become a Daemoness.”

 

“Potential? You mean I have the potential to be as much of a selfish cunt as you? Thanks, I'll pass.” Gaz said. “I don't want to be like you, mother. I intend to settle down someday with a girl I care deeply about. The thought of running around in some twisted form and screwing everything that moves doesn't appeal to me. So, kindly, go fuck yourself.”

 

“You will become a Daemoness in service to me, daughter. I will see to it. But for now, farewell.”

 

Gaz woke up to see she had broken Dex's nose when she kicked him. “Oh, you’re awake.” Dex said, having begun using his ‘magic’, for lack of a better term, to heal his wound. “Are you going to injure me again? Or are you saving that for your mother?”

 

“I was talking in my sleep, wasn't I?”

 

“Yes, you were.” Dex said. “It is alright. I never knew my mother or father either. Dregon killed them.”

 

“I'm sorry.” Gaz replied, not sure who was more surprised by her saying it. “Truly. I may be violent and scary sometimes..okay, a lot of the time...but that doesn't mean I'm incapable of caring.”

 

“I can see it in your eyes, you know.” Dex said. “If I’m honest, I see how jealous you are of me. And I understand completely. I don’t want the fight with Dregon to be sensationalized. I would rather be seen as a symbol instead of an idol.”

 

“You should be honored.” she replied, smiling a bit. “You're now one of four people I actually like.”

 

This certainly caught Dex off-guard. “Am...am I hearing you correctly?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“Then, in that case, may I call you my sister?” Dex said, offering his hand to her.

 

“Yes.” Gaz said. “You still can't call me Gazleen, though.”

 

“Done.” Dex said. “Now, tell me about this ‘pizza’ you enjoy so much, will you?”

 

To be continued...

[4EverGreen]

Sniz and Fondue, are standing on a familiar dock on an island in Lake Michigan, not seen for a number of years. Sniz says: “Greetings, fellow old-time viewers, and HOPEFULLY new viewers!” General Barracuda asks: “WHAT new viewers?!” Fondue says: “Ignore him!” Sniz says: “Noted, moving on! For anyone joining us for the first time, welcome to Nickelodeon's hottest gaming/competition show, that pits well-known Nickelodeon cartoon characters against each other, all for the chance for them to win a big cash prize at the end, as well as the notoriety, of having won a season of this show. For the past three seasons, we've had notable winners in Stimpy, a tie between Dog and Larry, as well as an unexpected giveaway win, to Reggie Rocket. But we're not here to talk about past seasons, we're here to talk about a new season. Now, for some reason, most of the contestants who competed in the first three seasons, opted NOT to come back to play in this season. In fact, only two former contestants, wanted to come back and play in this season. Namely, Po and Tigress. Also, only 12 new contestants applied to join this season. We'd like to think that because the quality of the competition was so high last season, that only those who were supremely confidant about their own skills, dared to enter this time. In fact, arriving on boat RIGHT now, are the 14 contestants, who will be competing this season!” Bessie Higgenbottom jumps off the boat first, and she says: “Wow! This is so cool, riding on a boat! Did you know my great-great-great grandfather actually built a boat?! Old Ironsides, they called her! It fought in the Civil War, against the--!” General Barracuda slaps his fin over her mouth, and he says: “Thank you for that 'HELPFUL' information, Bessie! I have a feeling that SHE'S going to be a lot of fun! By the way, I'm being sarcastic!”

Sniz sarcastically retorts: “Really? We couldn't tell! And here comes pop-star Brittany Miller...apparently, with a LARGE entourage!” Brittany Miller descends the gangplank, and she is inexplicably being photographed by a BUNCH of media paparazzi, following her every move! Brittany is on her cell phone, and she says: “Yeah, I'm like, on the island right now, Alvin! No, I DON'T know why they asked me, and not YOU, to be on this show! Don't worry, I'll be sure to give plenty of shout-outs to you! Just make sure that MY albums sell like hot-cakes in the mean-time!” Sniz says: “Brittany, your contract is only good for YOU, not your entourage! General Barracuda, if you don't MIND!” General Barracuda smirks, and he says: “With pleasure!” And he GRABS a giant air gun, and he uses it to BLOW the paparazzi, and Brittany's cell phone FAR away! Brittany says: “No biggie. I've got three OTHER cell phones at home!”

Rico runs down the gangplank on all fours, with Kowalski running after him! Kowalski says: “Oh, dear! Rico broke off of his leash, AGAIN!” Sniz says: “Kowalski, you know that this show REALLY isn't sanctioned for wild animals like Rico, don't you?!” Kowalski is miffed, and he says: “Hey! Rico isn't wild! He's been house-broken for over a week, now! He's perfectly harmless, as long as I can control him!” Than mystical music appears out of nowhere, and Katarra eerily floats up out of the boat, and propels herself over to where all the other contestants have gathered. Katarra, without even opening her eyes, says: “Something's strange. I sense the presence of Blonda, but no other Fairy Godparent interns.” Blonda busts out of her luxury cabin, wearing an official soccer referee outfit, and she says: “Did somebody mention my name?!” Sniz says: “Well, we WERE going to introduce YOU later, but Katarra, this is Blonda. Blonda, these are our contestants for the new season!” Blonda looks them over, and she says: “Hmm, not much to look at. Still, I'd rather be COACHING them, than competing against them!” Theodore Seville runs down the gangplank, and he says: “Pardon me, but when are we going to get the free food and snacks?!” Brittany says: “Free food?! Theodore, you just ATE!” Blonda says: “According to MY sources, he always just ate!” Fee struts down the gangplank, and she says: “Oh, yeah! Little Bark representative is in the HOUSE! Big shout out to Harvey Beaks, Technobear, Kratz, and Foo back at home! You know I love you all, Woo WOO!” Blonda says: “Well, you DO have some pretty hair, Fee!” Fee says:” Thank you!”

Blonda says: “But not as pretty as mine!” Fee's mood sours, and she says: “Give me a minute, and I can fix THAT fact, PERMANENTLY!” Blonda smugly says: “I would LOVE to see you TRY! Of course, I'd love to see anyone I hate as a crater!” Po runs down the gangplank, and he says: “You are NOT, going to be doing any of that! Not as long as I'm around! After all, I think the last thing that any of us want THIS season, is for there to be any unnecessary VIOLENCE against our fellow contestants!” Kowalski says: “Well, I certainly agree with you on THAT front! I'm not sure Rico feels the same way!” Rico looks at the other contestants, with an indeterminable expression, and he merely says: “Bleh!” General Barracuda gives Kowalski a perplexed look, and General Barracuda says: “Eh, I really didn't understand what Rico was trying to say.” Kowalski says: “Don't worry about it, nobody does!” Danny Fenton walks down the gangplank, and he nervously says: “Hi, I'm Danny Fenton. And I'm, here to try to win this season, I guess!” Tigress can be heard groaning loudly, and she says: “UGH!!!! That was SO pathetic! Out of the way, let a TRUE champion show you how it's done!” Tigress kicks down the door of the boat room she was staying in, does several forward jump flips on the boat, leaps OFF the boat, and rolls forward on the ground, before springing forward, to land perfectly on her two feet! Tigress says: “I am Master Tigress! The one, the only, the world-renowned, the exceptionally trained, and incredibly epic Kung Fu Master, who has ever trained on ALL seven continents! If you're already unnerved by me now, you're free to save yourself the trouble, and go home right now! I don't tolerate losers, getting in my path of winning! THAT'S how you make a proper introduction!”

Po groans, and he says: “Tigress, whatever happened to LAST season?!” Tigress says: “Come on, Po! This act is all for show! I'm just giving the fans what they want! And you all know they want me to kick butt! I can't help it if I know what I'm good at! And what I'm good at, is kicking butt! See how that works?” A snooty voice says: “Well, I hope you don't think that tactic will work on ME, because I have no plans on just, quitting!” And Bubble Bass appears, eating a BIG Krabby Patty, NOTICEABLY without any pickles on it. He stomps down the gangplank, noticeably IGNORING all the other contestants around him! Bubble Bass says: “I thought this was going to be more like an ACTUAL game show! You know, like Double Dare, Nick Arcade, or Legends of the Hidden Temple!” General Barracuda says: “Oh, I'm sorry! You must be mistaking this show, with a game show parody that Nickelodeon will NOT be making!” Bubble Bass seems to be greatly offended, and he says: “Oh, so you're going to act like THAT to me, are you?! Well, I can dish it out just as well as I can take it!” General Barracuda seriously says: “Well, THAT remains to be seen now, doesn't it?”

Jenny XJ-9 flies out of her cabin, lands on the ground, and says: “Hi, I'm Jenny Wakeman, also known as XJ-9! Long-time fan, first-time competitor! I don't really care if I win or lose, I hope to at least make it past the first few rounds and make a decent showing. As a matter of fact, I'd kind of like to start with a hard challenge first. You know, REALLY get a chance to show off some of my skills! I feel supremely confidant in my own abilities, to help me prevail in whatever comes my way.” Bubble Bass says: “You WOULD, wouldn't you?!” Jenny is legitimately taken aback, and she asks: “What is THAT supposed to mean?!” Bubble Bass just retorts: “Oh, wouldn't YOU like to know?! Well, too bad! You can take it however you WANT to take it! I'm not going to bother providing context for YOU, or anyone else for THAT matter, unless I WANT to!” Johnny Krill shouts: “Context?! What's 'Context'?! I know we're in a contest, but nobody said anything about something called 'Context', being involved!” General Barracuda sighs, and he sarcastically says: “Oh goody, it's my favorite military F-4 failure, Johnny Krill!” Tigress asks: “You mean he's an athletic failure?” General Barracuda says: “No, worse! He's as dumb as a rock!” And even though nobody asked for it, Johnny Krill proves the General's point by diving off the boat, only to land helmet first on some sharp rocks, and REBOUND onto some sharp cactus growing on the island, before jumping off onto the ground!

Kowalski says: “Uh, I hate to be predictable, and complain about logic on the first day, but, cactus isn't NATIVE to environment of Lake Michigan, and the nearest desert is over a 1,000 miles away.” Blonda says: “I have a magic wand, your argument is invalid.” Private says: “There's an argument?! Do you need me to help you, Kowalski?!” Kowalski says: “No, you REALLY don't need to do that! I think I can handle any other argument that comes my way!” Private says: “Even so, I'm coming to help you!” And Private gets ready to head down the gangplank, but TRIPS on the first step, and rolls down it, BUMPING straight into Bubble Bass, whose left fin accidentally KNOCKS one of General Barracuda's teeth CLEAN out of his MOUTH! General Barracuda quickly covers his mouth in shock, turns away from the camera, and frantically begins to look for the missing tooth! General Barracuda frantically asks: “My mouth! My priceless, insured, valuable, $40 million dollar mouth! My tooth, where's my tooth?! Someone's going to pay DEARLY for this!” And Bubble Bass looks flabbergasted, and he asks: “What did I do?!” Sniz says: “Well, I hope you find your tooth, General Barracuda! In the meantime, it looks like all 14 contestants are here, so it's time to explain how this season will work for all of you. You will be divided into teams of two, and you will fight head to head in 13 challenges, and one Performance Review, in order to determine supremacy between each of you, and your respective shows. As mentioned earlier Blonda is now part of the show, as a coach/referee, and will be supervising all the challenges, to ensure there's no foul play!” Kowalski asks: “What makes BLONDA qualified to be a coach/referee?!” Blonda says: “I have a whistle, your argument is invalid! Also, I''m being forced to do this because I'm on probation, on account of all the bad behavior that I did LAST season!” Sniz says: “Also, you can expect to see some of our old favorite contestants pop up from time to time, to demonstrate how the challenges work, or as paid interns helping to make this show run properly!” Po says: “Nice to know that Tigress and I aren't the ONLY familiar faces returning this season!” Fondue says: “And finally, the biggest twist of this season, all of the Fairy Godparents except for Blonda are now on STRIKE!”

Danny asks: “Why is that?!” (Flashback) Two random male fairies get together, and one says: “I'm not poofing anything!” The other one says: “I'M not poofing anything!” And the first one asks: “And why is that?” And they suddenly sing: “Cause we're on STRIKE!!!! We're on strike, we're on strike, we do anything we like!” And the second one asks: “And why is that?” And they both sing: “Cause we're on STRIKE!!!!” (Flashback ends) Fondue shrugs his shoulders, and he says: “Who knows? In any case, that means that for this season, I have gotten us replacement magical help, in the form of the Anti-Fairies of The Fairly Oddparents!” Anti-Cosmo creepily appears, and he says: “Finally! A chance for ME to be in the limelight for once! It just feels SO refreshing for Anti-Poof and I to be let out of the Anti-Fairy world for once!” Sniz gives Fondue a dumb-struck look, and Sniz says: “Fondue, I thought you were JOKING about getting the Anti-Fairies to work for us!” Fondue says: “Sniz, I never joke about anything! We're NOT going to wait for the Fairy strike to be over! Time is money! And time waits for no one! We are GOING to do this season, and we're going to do it NOW!” Sniz says: “But Fondue, there is no telling what sort of magic, fair or foul, may befall our contestants this season!” Fondue says: “And I'm telling you that I don't CARE! Look, if it makes you feel any better, I will take FULL responsibility for ANY mayhem, or BIG ratings, that this season is going to get!” Sniz sighs, and says: “Very well, then! In that case, may luck be on your side, contestants! And, as of right now, on OUR side as well, as we enter what may be the riskiest entry in our series so far, Total Cartoon Island Strikes Back! For the last time, Fondue, I have a feeling that this Anti-Fairy business is going to be a bad idea!” Fondue says: “Noted and ignored, moving on!” /

The following musical sequence shows Sniz walking slowly through the brand new hotel, lip-syncing to the song. He walks out to the pool, where Blonda is lounging on a pool chair, wearing white shades, in a yellow, full-body swimsuit, than puts her finger and her thumb into the shape of an “L” on her forehead. The camera quickly pans up the mountain, than down into the water of the lake, to show Private trying to catch fish, but missing every single time he tries to catch one! Kowalski catches him with a highly sophisticated crane machine, and pulls him up out of the water, but Rico tackles Kowalski, causing Kowalski to CRANK the machine too hard, and throws Private HIGH up into the air. Private lands into the lap of Katarra, who is floating in the air in a clearing, and Private is CREEPED out by how she is doing that! In the same clearing, Po is picking up mushrooms, only to be playfully slapped on the back by Tigress, who motions him to challenge him to a race! The camera pans to the left, to show Danny Fenton and Jenny in a canoe on a river. Danny is acting dramatically to Jenny, who is too interested in watching him to notice that they are headed towards a waterfall, which they fall down! Down below, Johnny Krill is on a log bridge, showing off his strength by lifting a heavy tree log! But when Jenny and Danny land on the log, the weight is too much for the log bridge that Johnny is standing on, and they fall into the water below! The camera pans to the left, to show Bubble Bass standing outside the public restroom, looking at the situation, wondering if he should do something to help them out, but his thoughts are interrupted when General Barracuda comes out angrily of the restroom, looking for someone to take his anger out on, until both of them are distracted by a delicious smell coming from the cafeteria. In the cafeteria, Fondue puts on a pair of earphone mufflers, than he grabs a big spoonful of chili to give to Bessie Higgenbottom, who is shown to be running at the mouth! Fondue than puts the spoon of chili into Bessie's mouth to make her STOP talking! The camera than pans to the left, to show Fee taking meticulous care of her hair with hairspray, until she notices the camera looking right AT her, and she sprays her hairspray into the camera to get them to stop filming her! The camera than pans outside, to show Tigress and Po have finished running, and Tigress jumps up and down in joy as she has clearly beaten Po, while Po just pants in exhaustion! The camera pans to the right, to show former contestants Patty Mayonnaise, Norbert, Rocko, Spongebob, Lil, Otto, and Stimpy under a sign that says “Intern try-outs”, listening to Anti-Cosmo talk about something; but when he ignites his wand to show off his magic, lightning inexplicably comes to STRIKE him, causing everyone else to laugh as a result! The camera pans further to the right to show Brittany Miller looking ABSOLUTELY fabulous, and posing for all the entourage paparazzi taking pictures of her, but she's interrupted when Sniz appears on a jet-pack above her, and dumps a bucket of water on her, ruining her mood. The scene transitions to night, when Po and Tigress are sharing a tender moment together, until General Barracuda appears in a haz-mat suit, holding a pair of metal tongs which is holding a purple marshmallow, which causes Po and Tigress to reel back from it with apprehension. The camera than pans out to show all the contestants, General Barracuda, Sniz, Fondue, and Blonda around a campfire. The camp sign at the entrance reads: Total Cartoon Island Strikes Back created by Jason Cantu. /

The show intro plays, to the tune of a VERY familiar hit song by Smash Mouth! Greg Camp sings: “Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me. I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an 'L' on her forehead. Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart, but your head gets dumb. So much to do, so much to see. So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go, you'll never shine if you don't glow. Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play! Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid! And all that glitters is gold! Only shooting stars break the mold! (Whistles, scatting). Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play! Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show, on get paid! And all that glitters is gold! Only shooting stars! Somebody once asked, could I spare some change for gas? I need to get myself away from this place! I said, 'Yep, what a concept.' I could use a little fuel myself, and we could all use a little change! Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming, fed to the rules and I hit the ground running! Didn't make sense not to live for fun, your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb! So much to do, so much to see, so what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. (Go!) You'll never shine if you don't glow! Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play! Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid! And all that glitters is gold! Only shooting stars break the mold! And all that glitters is gold! Only shooting stars break the mold!” /

“Everybody's a Critic!” / The show opens up again, and Sniz says: “Welcome back to our first episode of the new season, already in progress! It's time to break you up into groups of two! Johnny Krill and Po, will you two step forward, please?” Johnny Krill asks: “Just step forward?! I'm Johnny Krill, man! I NEVER just step forward!” Tigress rolls her eyes, and says: “Just what I needed; Twister 2.0!” Po says: “Sure, but, why do you want the two of us to step forward?” Sniz says: “Because you two are going to be the team leaders of the two teams, this season!” Johnny Krill says: “Awesome, man! The competition hasn't even started yet, and I'm ALREADY a winner!” Tigress says: “You know that the designation of 'Team leader', is a purely cosmetic title, right?” Johnny Krill says: “Yes, but that doesn't mean that I can't enjoy the designation any less, girl!” Tigress spares him a brief smile, and says: “Well, at least you're nowhere NEAR as STUPID as Twister was! Maybe this season won't be so bad, after all!” Sniz says: “Now, when I call your name, you will join either Po, or Johnny Krill, in alternating fashion! Rico, you're with Po!” Rico unexpectedly shouts: “Blah!!!!” Sniz says: “Tigress, you're with Johnny!” Tigress groans, and she says: “Of course I am!” Po whispers: “Don't worry, I'll go easy on you, so the other team won't vote you off!” Tigress says: “You just worry about your OWN safety, and leave the worrying of MY safety, to myself!” Sniz says: “Kowalski, you're with Po!” Kowalski says: “Being with the power panda should prove greatly advantageous to my ability to prevail in team challenges.” Sniz says: “Bessie, you're with Johnny!” Bessie says: “Awesome! You know, my great-great-great grandmother once tamed tigers in Africa, along with Stanley, Doctor Livingstone, and--.” Tigress yells: “No one CARES, Bessie!!!!”

Fondue says: “THANK you!” Sniz says: “Private, you're with Po!” Private says: “Really?! I'm usually picked LAST for these sorts of things! This could be the start of something new for me!” Sniz says: “Brittany, you're with Johnny.” Brittany says: “Well, it's about time SOMEONE recognized true talent and beauty!” Tigress says: “You may be talented, but you sure aren't STRONG!” Brittany scoffs, and she says: “Everybody's a critic! You see what I did, just now? I just did a title drop!” Sniz says: “Jenny, you're with Po!” Jenny says: “Cool! I always wanted to fight side by side with a Kung Fu Master!” Po says: “If there IS any fighting this season! There's no telling what kinds of challenges we may end up facing!” Sniz says: “Bubble Bass, you're with Johnny!” Bubble Bass says: “Wouldn't be the first time I was ordered to do something I didn't REALLY like! Still, I've been in WORSE situations before. I suppose I can make this work.” Tigress says: “Let's hope so, for YOUR own sake!” Sniz says: “Danny, you're with Po!” Jenny says: “That's cool! We're on the same team together!” Danny nervously says: “Yeah. This should be...exciting!”

Sniz says: “Katarra, you're with Johnny.” And Katarra eerily floats over to where Johnny is, and Johnny asks: “How are you doing THAT, girl?! That's just super-freaky!” Katarra calmly says: “It's air-bending. Anyone with a mastery over the wind can float on even the gentlest breeze! And also, I've been reading your auras! Johnny, you are a self-proclaimed daddy's boy, with a need to impress your father who's never home, by winning a bunch of trophies in order to fill the empty void in your life. Tigress, you have a superiority complex, driven by your ingrained drive to win at everything you do, and a need to dominate the main man in your life. Bubble Bass, your snide, sarcastic comments are driven by feeling over-protected by your mother, and your need to break out of your jerk-face facade, because you currently have no friends.” Bubble Bass panics, and asks: “Who told you that?!” Kowalski asks: “Say, what does Rico's aura read like?” Katarra closes her eyes, and she says: “Hmm, I can't really get a fix on Rico's aura, it's all jumbled up like a puzzle with a bunch of pieces that don't really fit together; but I AM picking up something interesting in regards to Danny Fenton. It feels like his soul, while originally intact, has for reasons unknown, become fractured into many different, unique pieces. Almost like they were split personalities, each fighting for control in the same body!” Danny nervously says: “What?! That's just ridiculous!” Sniz says: “Theodore, you're with Po!” Theodore nervously says: “Okay, just don't expect me to do a lot of running, or heavy lifting! I'm only a chipmunk, you know!” Po says: “Don't worry, I have enough strength for ALL of us!” Kowalski says: “Maybe, but do you have enough immunity for all of us?” Sniz says: “And Fee, you're with Johnny!” Fee says: “Woo-hoo! Ain't no party, like a Fee, female party! Because the Fee female party don't stop!” Bessie says: “Ooh! I like parties! In fact, my great-great-great uncle P.T. Barnum, invented the concept of parties, when he invented the circus, which included elephants, acrobats, lions, and monkeys, and--.”

Blonda says: “Stop, Bessie, STOP!!!!” Sniz says: “THANK you! Everyone who is with Po, your team will henceforth be known as the Power Pandas!” And a green emblem, with a strong panda, appears as their team logo! Sniz says: “Everyone who is with Johnny Krill, your team will henceforth be known as the Killer Prawns!” And a red logo, with a strong krill, appears as their team logo! Tigress asks: “The Killer Prawns?! You would THINK you could create a more original team name than THAT, like 'Team Tigress and her team is unstoppable' or something like that!”

Sniz says: “Well, that won't be happening for NOW; but maybe some other time! Now, as far as living conditions go, just like in the first season, you will normally be living in cabins, and eating whatever Fondue and General Barracuda feel like cooking. But as a brand new, first-time bonus for this season; starting now, and lasting the rest of the season, the winning team and/or contestants, who win the challenges, will get to spend the time between challenges, relaxing at our brand new luxury hotel for winners, eating at an all-you-can eat buffet, and getting pampered however you see fit. As for the Losing Team and/or contestants, they will have to face a dreaded Elimination Ceremony, will someone have to be voted off, and take the Slingshot of Shame!” Private says: “Slingshot?! What happened to the Dock of Shame, or the Walk of Shame that Skipper told me about?!” Sniz says: “We were inspired by The Angry Birds Movie! And don't worry, losers WILL be wearing protective gear, and land on a gigantic pillow! After all, safety IS our number one concern!” Bubble Bass looks at Bessie, and he says: “And I have a feeling that I already know who I would want the FIRST boot off of our team to be!” Tigress says: “And I find it SHOCKING that I actually AGREE with you!” Sniz says: “Also, in a change from our first season, you will no longer need to use a stinky outhouse as the Confessional. This season, you can use our very own cafeteria, to make any Confessions that you want to!” (Confessional) Private is in the very clean cafeteria where there are a lot of long, white tables around. Private says: “So the reason why I joined this season, other than wanting to help out Rico and Kowalski, and avenge Skipper, is that Skipper says that I'm really not as coordinated as the rest of them. So, I hope these challenges will help in training me better!”

(End Confessional) Sniz says: “Now, with that explanation out of the way, it's time to perform our first challenge of the season!” Brittany says: “Wait! We're doing a challenge ALREADY?!” Sniz says: “We only HAVE 14 episodes ordered, as far as WE know! And there's only 14 of you! This season, with the exception of the Performance Review and the last episode, every single CHALLENGE will be an Elimination Challenge!” (Confessional) Tigress chuckles, and she says: “Now THIS is what I'm talking about! I like these odds! I find that I always perform better when there's pressure involved! If I play my cards right, I won't have to stick around any losers for long! This season could work out to my advantage!” / Jenny says: “Well, my human mom...which is kind of hard to explain without the proper context, told me that this season of competition might be a little rough, but this show has NEVER been THIS hard before! Still, if I can prevent hostile aliens from annihilating the human race on a daily basis, I'm sure I can handle a little old competition. I just got to stay focused on my surroundings, and not let myself be caught off guard by any other contestants who might want to do me or anybody else any harm!” (End Confessional) Sniz says: “For our first challenge this season, you must either choose to run or swim, to the other side of the island!” Po asks: “Well, what's the difference?” Sniz says: “Well, there are different types of dangers, obstacles, and advantages to both methods of travel. Trust me on this. Now, once you get to the other side of the island, each team will be looking for a chest with their team emblem on it, and bring it back here. The first team that brings back their chest with its contents intact, will win the first challenge, and immunity until the next challenge! And I think you can safely guess about what happens to the LOSING team!” Fee rolls her eyes and says: “Elimination. Well, it can't be any worse than NOT being invited to Princess' lame parties, or being 'shamed' by Dade, simply because I don't like to play by HIS rules! Still, I don't plan on losing anytime soon!”

Johnny Krill says: “Neither do I! I want to win this thing just as much as the rest of you do!” Tigress chuckles, and she says: “Now that's my kind of talk!” (Confessional) Tigress says: “Despite not being a team captain, it looks like I might have lucked out this season. I have a leader who wants to win as much as I do. It won't be easy competing against my main man, Po. But then again, nothing much fun in life ever IS, easy! Besides, every single challenge makes me grow stronger and better as a Kung Fu Master!” / Johnny says: “Even though my dad isn't around much, he always taught me to be observant, and look around at my surroundings, and at others who are around me. That way, I will know how to react to anything that comes my way! That's how winners are able to WIN so often! It's the secret of MY success!” (End Confessional) Private says: “I pick swimming!” Jenny says: “I pick running!” Johnny says: “I pick swimming!” Tigress says: “I pick running!” Bubble Bass says: “I pick swimming, its one of the FEW sports I'm really GOOD at, for OBVIOUS reasons!” (Confessional) Bubble Bass says: “If you must ask how it is that fish creatures like me and Johnny Krill, are able to be IN an environment that has a lot of air in it, without a water helmet, it is very simple! Sandy Cheeks created some pills which stabilize an aquatic creatures ability to retain water, even if they are not completely surrounded by it. We only need to drink water when we absolutely need to, just like a land creature would. It's actually a pretty handy trick, if I do say so myself. Still, I won't get far if I think that there will only be swimming challenges, because there is certainly no way that they will only play to that strength of mine this entire season. So, I will have to mostly rely on my other strength. Namely, my intellect and ability to create clever plans! Of course, playing the way Bulma Briefs did is not going to work. It bit her in the butt QUITE hard! Besides, I don't need to be THAT devious in order to win, and I don't need a stick in order to get what I want. I just need the carrot. Besides, I heard that you can attract a fly a lot better with honey, than you can with vinegar. How that relates to any challenges I might have to face? I honestly have no idea.” (End Confessional) Danny says: “I pick running, I guess!”

Than Danny suddenly jerks, and adopting the pose of an elderly man, and imitating Rodney Dangerfield, he says: “Running?! The only running I like to do is running away from tax collectors who want a piece of my 401K! No respect, I tell you!” Than Danny jerks back to normal, and Private asks: “What was THAT?!” (Confessional) Private says: “Thanks to my experience as a Penguin Commando in training, I'm used to seeing a lot of weird things, but that might be the WEIRDEST thing I've ever seen, even by NICKTOONS standards! Is what Katarra said TRUE?! That there are different aspects to Danny's personality?” / Danny nervously says: “I...have a slight problem. You see, I have the ability to go ghost, or, turn into a Phantom. I call myself Danny Phantom. But lately, I have been experiencing a slight...hiccup when it comes to my ability to do that. Apparently, whenever I go ghost, it puts a strain on my psyche, and drives the aspects of my personalities apart! Now, instead of being able to GO ghost whenever I want, the different aspects of my personality instead, wants to CHANNEL ghosts, and strangely enough, of FAMOUS people! Obviously, I've been trying to figure out a cure for this problem, and stabilize myself. But I can't do it with the limited resources and money that I have. I hope that by winning this season, I'll be able to put that money towards buying the materials that I need, in order to stabilize my personality, and fix it so that this problem doesn't keep popping up!” (End Confessional) Po says: “I pick swimming!” Fee says: “I pick running! Nothing is going to mess up MY beautiful hair perm!” (Confessional) Fee says: “It may not look like it, but I have to work VERY hard, in order to get my hair looking as good, and as pretty as it does! I am the ENVY of Little Bark! And confidentially, I think Harvey might have a crush on me! Of course, it would be very hard for him, to NOT have a crush on me!” (End Confessional) Kowalski says: “I pick swimming!” Theodore nervously says: “I pick running, I guess. I don't feel that comfortable in my swimming shorts just yet!”

Fee says: “You could always swim in the NUDE, like my brother Foo does!” Bubble Bass gives Fee a shocked look, and he says: “First off, T.M.I., too much information! And second and most importantly, YOU disgust me!” (Confessional) Bubble Bass says: “If there's one thing I can be proud of, that differentiates myself from other challengers, is that I believe that EVERYBODY should have standards! And even though I personally don't have a LOT; the ones that I do have, I value VERY highly! I honestly don't know how FEE got picked to be in this season!” / Fee says: “I was just telling it like it is! I certainly don't think it's MY fault if the other challengers find it disgusting! Besides, certain people can be such PRUDES, you know!” / Theodore says: “I'm mostly here to lose some weight, and hopefully do something that will get Alvin and Simon to notice me more.” (End Confessional) Rico says: “Bleh!” Fondue asks: “What did he say?!” Kowalski says: “He says that he picks swimming!” (Confessional) Kowalski says: “Just for the record, I did not sign on for this season to primarily be Rico's translator! I came here to see how I would do in a competition of this nature. Mostly, FOR the SCIENCE!” / Rico shrugs his shoulders and says: “Bleh?”; as if to say, 'I don't know.' (End Confessional) Bessie says: “I pick running, because bees don't like to get wet!” Brittany changes into a VERY fancy swimsuit, and she says: “I pick swimming, it will give me a chance to get in the next issue of People Magazine!” Theodore's eyes open up wide, and he says: “Wow! You look INCREDIBLE!!!!” (Confessional) Theodore says: “Why have I never noticed before just how BEAUTIFUL Brittany looks before?! I mean, what rule says that I HAVE to fall in love with Eleanor, just because she has the same shape that I do?! I mean, that would make me SUCH a narcissist if I did that! Besides, Brittany would NEVER be happy with Alvin, they'd just FIGHT all the time! I've got to try to get Brittany into my LIFE, somehow!” / Brittany says: “Being the successful pop diva that I am, I must take every opportunity to strut my stuff whenever there's an opportunity to do so! After all, my albums and my brand TECHNICALLY don't sell themselves, you know. Though it would be pretty COOL, if they did!” (End Confessional) Katarra eerily floats forward, and she says: “I will be running, if I FEEL like letting my feet touch the ground.”

(Confessional) Bubble Bass says: “Have I already mentioned just how much that Katarra girl CREEPS me out?! Somebody has got to nail that girl's feet to the FLOOR! Or, something that doesn't involve nails, that keeps her tied to the ground! Seriously, THAT isn't natural!” / Bessie says: “I wish I could fly like THAT! Did you know that my great-great-great Uncle twice removed on my father's side INVENTED the first practical airplane in 1903?! His name was--!” (Confessional cuts early). The swimmers have all changed into swimming gear, and the runners are all ready to go. Sniz says: “Okay, everybody has picked what they are going to do, and everybody is raring to go! Let's get this show on the road!” Fondue says: “Right! Anti-Cosmo?!” Anti-Cosmo appears, and says: “You rang? I always wanted to say that!”

Fondue says: “Start us off!” Anti-Cosmo says: “Right! Ready? Set, GO!!!!” And he ignites his wand, but a bolt of lightning inexplicably comes down to hit him, and the racers make down their different paths. Anti-Cosmo coughs and says: “Funny. That sort of thing NEVER happened to David Copperfield!” Blonda chuckles, and smugly says: “Looks like Anti-Cosmo is having some MAGIC malfunction! Isn't that right, Snizzie-Poo?” Sniz says: “I guess so. And DON'T call me 'Snizzie-Poo'! Got it?!” Blonda says: “Yeah, I got it! Old KILL joy!” / Brittany, Johnny, Kowalski, Private, and Rico are all starting to swim through Lake Michigan, while Bubble Bass SURPRISINGLY swims fast pass by them, and Po suddenly catches up to them! Kowalski asks: “Po, since when was Bubble Bass able to move so fast?!” Po says: “I don't know why you're asking me! I personally don't know anything more about him than you do!” Johnny says: “From what I know, there are only TWO reasons Bubble Bass EVER moves fast! Either he smells a bite of delicious food from ten miles away, or he can sense the smell of something dangerous in the water!” Rico says: “Bleh!” Kowalski nervously says: “Rico just said we're not alone!” And four shark fins appear to break the surface of the water! (Confessional) Brittany says: “I just want to state, for the record, I did NOT sign up for this show to be menaced by sharks! I only signed up for this show as a chance to look fabulous, as well as the free screen-time, and using it as a publicity stunt to help move the albums of both the Chipmunks and the Chipettes!” Brittany sighs, and says: “There, I gave you a promo, Alvin! Can I get paid now?” / Bubble Bass says: “For the record, I was not SCARED! I just wasn't interested in fighting ANY sharks if I didn't have to! Besides, I'm sure Po can fight them off! I mean, he IS a Kung Fu Master! And besides, them being busy with the sharks, will give me PLENTY of time to do some deep sea diving around here! I mean, there's got to be SOMETHING valuable around here! Otherwise, Sniz and Fondue wouldn't even do a show here!” /

Po says: “When it comes to normal sharks, they are totally NOT a problem! Unfortunately, these WEREN'T just any ordinary sharks!” (End Confessional) The four sharks emerge from the water, equipped with heat-seeking MISSILE launchers, and eyes that shoot FREAKING laser beams! Private asks: “Sharks that shoot LASER beams?! That's impossible!” Kowalski says: “Unless their basic D.N.A. Structure, has already been altered by the Anti-Magic of the Anti-Fairies, and they've mutated them into some kind of super sharks!” Po shouts: “Guys, scramble!!!!” And everyone EXCEPT Po scatters in five different directions, and Po just floats still, awaiting the onslaught of the sharks! Johnny asks: “What are you DOING, Po?!” Po says: “I'll hold them off! You go and finish the challenge!”

Brittany says: “Better you than US, if you ask me!” Johnny says: “How DARE you call yourself a team player!” Private says: “Even RICO knows better, and at least HALF of him is on the side of NOBODY except his own deranged, random thoughts!” And Rico affirmatively says: “Bleh!” Brittany says: “Well, I'm NOT going to be fighting any sharks! As a chipmunk, I am not equipped for the rigors of such laborious tasks! I'm going to keep swimming, and keep looking fabulous!” And Brittany swims off on her own, and Johnny shouts back: “You better hope we don't lose this, because your immunity chances just sunk SUPER low!” Kowalski says: “Private, Rico and I will stay here and help Johnny and Po! You better go on ahead and get that chest for us!” Private sighs, and says: “All right! I hope you know what you're doing!” (Confessional) Brittany says: “Some men and women are BORN to take risks and face danger on a daily basis! I am NOT one of those women, and I have no intention of EVER being one! The only risk I want to face, is having to decide which of my GLAMOROUS outfits, I should wear at the next Grammy Awards Ceremony.” / Johnny says: “All in all, this is NOT a stellar start to my time as Team leader of my team! I should have the respect and confidence of my entire team, and instead, I'm quitting Squiddly Diddly, if you know what I mean! Note to self; when this challenge is over, I will ask Tigress just what it takes to be a Team Captain!” / Po says: “Sending Private ahead was a purely strategic decision! It's not that we doubted his ability to fight, we just needed someone to win the challenge! It was nothing personal!” (End Confessional)

Johnny says: “All right! It's time to send these freaks back to the Cannery! Preferably, Cannery Row in Monterrey, California!” Po says: “I sure hope the runners are having as ROTTEN of a time as WE are!” / The action switches to the runners, and it is showing TIGRESS absolutely kicking BUTT, as she continuously knocks down robot after robot that SNAPTRAP is sending out, to try to attack the runners, but Tigress keeps BREAKING them before they have the chance to do so! Snaptrap yells: “Would you MIND your own BUSINESS, Tigress?! You are RUINING my plan to make a bunch of MONEY off of this season!” Tigress says: “You're SO pathetic! Your ideas NEVER work! And you have NO credibility, now that you and Angelica are an item!” Snaptrap says: “Shows what YOU know! Angelica told me that she has actually found MY fur to be quite comforting to the touch! Not to mention, that SHE pleases me, in a way that nobody else EVER has!” Tigress sarcastically says: “Bravo. You both just won Bronze, Silver, and Gold, in being able to find the most PATHETIC partner in the HISTORY of Pathetic partners!”

Snaptrap says: “I'll show YOU pathetic! Wait! Who won the Gold?!” Tigress says: “That was a RHETORICAL statement!” Snaptrap says: “That really needs to come BEFORE the statement! I can never tell with you! In any case, you can't stop ALL my robots!” And before Snaptrap can even blink, Tigress destroys every single last one of Snaptrap's robots! Tigress asks: “Want to BET?!” Snaptrap growls angrily, and he says: “You win THIS round, Tigress! Smoke screen exit!” And Snaptrap throws down a giant smoke bomb, and makes his escape before anyone can stop him from doing so! Fee says: “Man, I hate it when a villain pulls an 'Exit, Stage Left'.” Jenny says: “I really wish you would have let us help you fight, Tigress.” Katarra floats forward, and without even opening her eyes, merely says: “It is not wise to argue with Tigress. She's the type of warrior who might rip your ARMS off if she loses a fight! Tigers HAVE been known to do that!” And everyone looks at Tigress, as she flexes her arm muscles, and kisses BOTH of her strong muscle bumps in her arms! Theodore nervously says: “Yeah, I see your point. Jenny, I suggest a new strategy going forward. Let Tigress handle all the fighting!” (Confessional) Tigress says: “For me, fighting, even if it's just a bunch of robots, is a VERY serious business for me! I take everything seriously, not because I HAVE to, but because I usually want to! When I enter in a competition, than my 'Fight' mode, is usually my default mode! I don't see any point in changing a winning strategy!” / Katarra still has her eyes closed, and she says: “It is said that the tree that will not bend, must ALWAYS inevitably BREAK!” / Theodore Seville says: “I'm just going to say that anybody who would WANT to face against Tigress in a Final Two BESIDES Po, would have to be pretty crazy in order to do so!” (End Confessional)

Bessie says: “You know, these robotic remains are pretty interesting! In fact, my great-great-great grandfather, was one of THE fathers of Modern Robotics! He figured out Digital processing and--!” Fee gets annoyed, and fiercely says: “For once in your LIFE; Bessie Higgenbottom, SHUT UP!!!!” Bessie says: “Shut up?! Why, certainly! You don't think I'm the type of person who keeps on blabbing and never shuts up?! I know lots of people who keep on blabbing and never shut up! Some people just don't know when to stop blabbing and when to shut up! But when I'm told to shut up, I shut--!” Theodore loudly cries: “Shut up, Shutting up!” And Katarra closes her eyes, and sends down a lightning bolt that hits Bessie Higgenbottom DIRECTLY in the mouth! Danny says: “WOW!!!! Were you the one who hit Anti-Cosmo with a lightning bolt earlier?!” Katarra says: “Due to the nature of the competition we are in, I will neither confirm nor deny that I had ANY role in letting nature take out its frustration on that SHRILL of a girl, or an Anti-Fairy! However, I'll let you have three guess as to what the correct answer is, and the first two don't count!” Danny says: “Don't worry! I totally got you on THAT count!” (Confessional) Katarra says: “I send down a lightning bolt to take care of anyone that annoys me. Or, whenever I need a good laugh! Who says Water Benders don't have a sense of humor?!” / Danny says: “Note to self; remember to NEVER get on Katarra's BAD side!” (End Confessional) Meanwhile, on the far side of the island, Private is the first contestant to arrive to search for the treasure chest! Private says: “Wow! I'm actually the first contestant here! But, where's Bubble Bass? He was way ahead of me!” / The action swifts to Bubble Bass, who is looking for stuff on the bottom of the Lake. Bubble Bass says: “Now, let's see. If I were something valuable, where would I be hidden?” And his eyes suddenly spot a bunch of PRETTY sea jewels, of sapphire and aquamarine colors, glittering on the lake floor! Bubble Bass says: “Now THAT'S what I'm talking about!” (Confessional)

Bubble Bass says: “Unlike Bulma, I'm not going to waste the entire season trying to WORK for something that I might not even get! If there's an easy opportunity to get some easy money from this thing, I'm going to take it! I mean, it would be totally stupid NOT to!” (End Confessional) Bubble Bass begins stuffing his short pockets with the jewels, when all of a sudden, SPONGEBOB swims in, only he's completely NAKED!!!! Spongebob asks: “Bubble Bass?! You're still wearing clothes?!” Bubble Bass asks: “And you're NOT?! Why are you even here?!” Spongebob says: “Neptune's Moon just hit Bikini Bottom! Every single sea creature who saw it turned feral! And after that, when Neptune's Moon was extinguished, every single sea creature who saw the moon, ended up turning up naked! It's chaos in Bikini Bottom! That's why I've been traveling around, searching for SOMEONE who might be able to give us some money for some new clothes or something, because no one in Bikini Bottom can walk INTO a store without any clothes to wear, which is honestly, kind of a Catch 22. And I'm honestly surprised that I know what that IS! Could you spare some jewels for some new clothes?” Bubble Bass says: “New CLOTHES?!!! Get them yourself! I have FAR more important things to worry about than the concerns of a sponge who I don't really like, and I only tolerate when its CONVENIENT for me to do so!” Spongebob says: “But this is your chance to do something nice and DIFFERENT for a change! You should take the chance to enjoy it!” Bubble Bass says: “I already AM doing something nice and different! I'm competing in a game show, partially to lose some weight, and get more athletically fit! And if I can win some money for my mom, all the better for me! Besides, I see absolutely no scenario right now, in which me, helping you, would help me get what I want. I mean, what would my incentive be, anyways?” Spongebob suggests: “The reward of doing something nice for someone without expecting anything in return?” Bubble Bass asks: “What kind of FOOL came up with that?!” Spongebob says: “I'm not sure. It was just a SUGGESTION, anyways! You're no help, I'll find someone else!” And Spongebob swims away!

Bubble Bass says: “Good riddance! It would be a cold day in Davy Jones' locker before I ever help that creepy little sponge out!” (Confessional) Bubble Bass says: “In my life, there are two MAJOR things I don't like! I don't like being told what to do, and I don't like sponge's who have a TERRIBLE concept of personal space, and whether or not they are annoying you! And I don't care if he thinks it IS mean! Unlike Squidward, I'm not going to lie and even PRETEND that Spongebob is someone I would want to be around with! It's the principle of the matter, and I'm sticking to it!” (End Confessional) The camera shifts back to Private, and Private says: “In any case, I can't afford to mess around! I need to find our chest quickly, and bring it back to Sniz and Fondue! I'll just take a look around first, to see if it's out in the open, before I spend my time trying to excavate in random spots!” / The camera shifts back to Bubble Bass, and he's STILL stuffing his shorts with a bunch of blue jewels! Bubble Bass says: “I personally don't know how these jewels got here; and quite frankly, I don't care! All I know is that I am going to be living the good life, once I sell these off to the highest bidder!” Than all of the sudden, PATRICK swims in, and HE'S completely naked to! Patrick says: “Bubble Bass?! You haven't been affected by Neptune's Moon?!” Bubble Bass replies: “How would I be affected by Neptune's Moon? I wasn't even IN Bikini Bottom when it happened?! And where are YOUR shorts?!” Patrick says: “Obviously, I lost them!” Bubble Bass asks: “Can't you just go back home and put on a NEW pair?!”

Patrick says: “Would you believe it's the ONLY pair I had? I sunk all my money into getting my rock gold-painted and gold plated!” Bubble Bass says: “You WOULD do something as insipid and as meaningless as that! And having only one pair of shorts TOTALLY sounds like you!” Patrick asks: “Anyways, would you please give me some jewels so I can buy some new ones?” Bubble Bass seriously says: “Spongebob already ASKED me that STUPID question! If I said 'No', to him; what makes YOU think I would say 'Yes', to you?! You rank even LOWER on my Toleration-o-meter than Spongebob does!” Patrick says: “I thought you might have changed your mind! I mean, give me ONE good reason as to what those jewels would do for you, that helping someone else wouldn't!” Bubble Bass says: “I could come up with 1.4 MILLION reasons that the jewels are more helpful to me than YOU are, and not all of them revolve around cash!” Patrick groans, and he says: “Fine! Continue being selfish! It won't help you in the long run!” And Patrick swims away! (Confessional) Bubble Bass asks: “What is this, a STUPIDITY convention?! I haven't been around THIS many morons, since the Society of the Nitwits decided to roll into town! I wonder if Neil Degrasse Tyson ever has days like this?!” (End Confessional) The camera shifts back to Private, as he's frantically looking all over the place for the hidden chest of the Power Pandas! Private says: “It won't be too long before the other team gets here! I just need to think about this logically! If I were hiding a chest for a Power Panda, where would I hide it?! I mean, what do pandas like more than anything else in the world?!” And Private looks around, and he spots a big bamboo grove! Private says: “Of course! Pandas eat bamboo in the wild! It's like the main staple of their diet!” (Confessional) Private says: “I pick up a lot of information about wild animals by watching programs off of Animal Planet, and occasionally, The Wild Thornberries! Who says knowledge doesn't pay off?!” (End Confessional) Private says: “Chest, here I come!”

And he hears some rustling in the bushes, and the runners for the Killer Prawns emerge from them! Tigress says: “All right team, we made it! Now it's time to find our chest and help ME win like I always do!” Fee strongly asks: “WHAT?!!!” Tigress says: “Freudian Slip! Said 'Me', meant to say, 'Us'!” Private says: “And just in time, to! With Tigress' mad skills, its not going to take her too long before SHE figures out where HER team's chest is! I just hope the rest of my team arrives soon to help me carry my chest back!” (Confessional) Fee says: “I just want to state that if it were up to me, there's no way I would let someone as self-absorbed as TIGRESS, get anywhere NEAR the Final Five! I just hope I last long enough to actually DO something about it!” / Tigress says: “Note to self; I REALLY got to work on getting into being a team player more, and not make anymore slip-ups like that!” (End Confessional)

The action switches back to Bubble Bass, and he finishes stuffing his shorts, and even his shirt pocket, with jewels! Bubble Bass says: “Well, that's all of them! Now, I just got to hang onto these, until I can figure out a way to sell them! There's bound to be SOMEBODY who will pay a good price for these!” And Bubble Bass swims forward a bit, and he inevitably BUMPS into a treasure chest! Bubble Bass asks: “Now who would put a hunk of metal down on this...LAKE?!!! Wait; this is the treasure chest that MY team needs to find! But, why is it hidden down here! Oh, wait! Our team is the Killer PRAWNS! And where do prawns normally live? In the water! It makes perfect sense! If I can get this chest back to our team, I'll finally be treated with the amount of respect and admiration I deserve!” And Bubble Bass tries to pick up the chest, but he can BARELY lift it off the ground! Bubble Bass asks: “What is this chest MADE out of, solid gold?!” (Confessional) Anti-Cosmo says: “It was totally MY idea to make the chests out of solid gold; Awesome, but Impractical for the contestants to carry, but totally FUNNY for me, to watch them struggle!” (End Confessional) Bubble Bass continues to struggle, but he just can't lift it up by himself! Bubble Bass groans, and he says: “It's no good! I'll never be able to move this hunk of junk by myself! Oh, the absolute IRONY! If only I hadn't blown off my team earlier, I wouldn't BE in this predicament right now!” Than unexpectedly, Larry swims by, and HE'S completely naked, to!

Larry asks: “Bubble Bass, you're still wearing clothes?!” Bubble Bass asks: “Larry?! Wait! Don't tell me, let me guess; Neptune's Moon?” Larry asks: “How did you know?” Bubble Bass replies: “Spongebob and Patrick already came by earlier, asking me for some help with their problem!” Larry asks: “So why didn't you help them?” Bubble Bass answers: “Well, if you must know the honest truth, I didn't think it was that important for me to do so at the time. But you're a strong guy, right? How about you help me with this treasure chest?!” Larry says: “I don't know. Why should I help YOU out?! You wouldn't give any help to Spongebob and Patrick when THEY asked for it! Why should I extend any favors to YOU?!” Bubble Bass says: “Because you actually ARE a good guy and are supposed to do that?!” Larry says: “Ordinarily, that would be enough. But because you DISSED my good friends, Spongebob and Patrick, you're going to have to step up to MORE than THAT!!!!” Bubble Bass says: “D'oh!” (Confessional) Bubble Bass says: “Of ALL the double-edged ironies! How could I POSSIBLY forget that Spongebob and Patrick are friends with Larry?! And now I'm stuck having to suck up to him?! If I didn't NEED the money so badly, I wouldn't even CONSIDER helping him! But because he's so strong and can probably beat me up if I refuse, it looks like I'm going to have to swallow my dignity, and CONVINCE him to help me!” (End Confessional) Bubble Bass says: “Fine! I'll give you...10% of the jewels I found to help you buy some new clothes!” Larry says: “Make it 20%!” Bubble Bass strongly says: “10%!” Larry defiantly says: “20%!” Bubble Bass yells: “10%!” Larry smugly says: “30%!” Bubble Bass asks: “What happened to 20%?!” Larry asks: “Did I stutter? And there's only one direction I'm going to go from here, and it's NOT in your favor!” Bubble Bass groans, and he says: “Fine! 20%!” And Bubble Bass counts out 20% of the jewels he gathered, and hands them to Larry, who puts it in a make-shift sea purse he made off of the ocean floor! Larry says: “Nice doing business, with you!”

Bubble Bass says: “Thanks for not beating me to a pulp! Now help me!” Larry says: “Say the magic word!” Bubble Bass rhetorically says: “NOW?!!!” Larry says: “No. The ACTUAL magic word!” Bubble Bass gulps, and he says: “I just ALMOST threw up in my mouth! Not THAT!!!! ANYTHING but THAT!!!!” Larry says: “It's that, or NO assistance from me!” Bubble Bass says: “Fine!” And Bubble Bass seems to really struggle, grunt, and groan, as Bubble Bass slowly, and seems to incorrectly pronounce: “Puh...lee...ase?!” Larry asks: “Is THAT the best that you can say, 'Please'?!” Bubble Bass says: “Is THAT how they pronounce it?! Well, excuse me, but I've never really HAD to say that word before!” Larry says: “From the way YOU said it, I can believe it!”

Bubble Bass says: “You can make fun of that all you want when you get back home! Now, will you...KINDLY just help me out?” Larry says: “Gladly!” (Confessional) Bubble Bass groans, and appears to have a coughing fit! Bubble Bass says: “AH!!!! Ptooey! Ptooey! Ptooey! I have NEVER felt such a strange combination of pity, and indigestion! Is THIS what being NICE, feels like for someone who's never actually BEEN nice before?! I REALLY need to get some more practice with that, so that it doesn't FEEL so hard in the future!” (End Confessional) The action shifts back to the beach, where everyone is frantically digging around, searching for their respective treasure chests! Private digs for a bit in the bamboo grove, until he LITTERALLY hits his flippers onto his treasure chest! Private yells: “GUYS! I FOUND it!” And the rest of his team, who chose to go swimming and running, finally catch up to him! Danny says: “You actually found it?! That's great!” Than Danny suddenly jerks, and SUDDENLY channels Bette Davis! Danny, imitating Bette says: “It's absolutely FABULOUS! I always KNEW you'd find that treasure chest first, REALLY I did!” Than Danny jerks back to normal! Private looks at him weirdly, and Private asks: “Seriously, what's up with that?!” And Danny looks nervously! (Confessional) Danny says: “Look; I'm obviously not going to LAST long on this team if I keep this thing to myself! I'm going to have to tell SOMEBODY sooner or later!” (End Confessional) Danny says: “Look, I'll explain it to you later once we're alone! But not now! There's other team-members present!”

And Danny points to Jenny Wakeman, Kowalski, Rico, Theodore, and Po, whose SHORTS are missing! Jenny asks: “Po?! What happened to your shorts?!” Po says: “They got burned off by those stupid Super sharks I had to fight! It's HARD to dodge a bunch of heat-seeking missiles and freaking LASER beams in the water!” Jenny asks: “What?!” Kowalski says: “It's a long story! We'll explain later!” Private says: “Guys! We have a problem!” Jenny asks: “What's that?!” Private says: “This chest is TOO heavy for me to move!” Jenny says: “Let me use my X-ray vision!” And Jenny's eyes turn green, and she scans it! Jenny says: “The problem is, the chest is made out of solid gold!” Theodore asks: “But, why?!” Jenny says: “Does it matter? We have to figure out a way to move it SOMEHOW!” Kowalski says: “Just feed it to Rico! His stomach can handle anything!” Po asks: “How would THAT help us?!” Kowalski says: “He can regurgitate it later! Trust me! He does this kind of stuff all the time!” Rico nods his head, and says: “Bleh!” Theodore sighs, and says: “All right! You better be RIGHT about this!” (Confessional) Theodore says: “If Rico's stomach actually CAN handle that heavy chest, I will be TRULY impressed!” / Kowalski says: “Rico's stomach is practically bottomless, and practically indestructible! How is he able to do it? Even MY scientific methods haven't come up with a definitive answer yet! But as long as he can do it, that's all that matters to me!” / Po says: “It's a good thing that I'm no longer as self-conscious about the way I look as I used to be! Of course, you should see how the SHARKS look! They REALLY took a beating from me and Johnny!” (End Confessional) Private, Danny, Theodore, Jenny, and Kowalski all get behind the treasure chest, and they ALL shove it into Rico's mouth until it lands with a THUD into Rico's stomach! Theodore says: “Okay, this is OFFICIALLY the weirdest thing I have ever done in my life!”

Kowalski says: “If you stick around with us LONG enough, I PROMISE you'll do and see weirder!” Po picks up Rico with some GREAT effort, and Po says: “I'll carry him! I'm the only one strong enough to do so!” Jenny says: “All right! Now let's get back to the campsite! Let's go, go, go, go, GO!!!!” And they all run off in a hurry, except for Theodore, who REALLY struggles! Theodore says: “Slow DOWN a bit! I can't RUN that fast!” Tigress groans, and she says: “This is TAKING too long! We should have found our chest FIFTEEN minutes ago!” Fee sarcastically says: “Well, EXCUSE me for not being as super, supremely competent as her 'HIGHNESS' demands!” Tigress asks: “Is that supposed to be a DIG at me?! Because I'm telling you right now, I DON'T appreciate contestants who make DIGS at me!”

Fee says: “I'm just telling it like it is! No need to take your anger out on me! Why don't you take it out on Bessie?! All she has ever done since she's gotten here is TALK, and she's been absolutely NO help whatsoever in this entire endeavor!” Tigress says: “Well, what about Brittany? All she's done is show off and flaunt her celebrity status! And I'm PRETTY sure she SUCKS at everything!” Katarra closes her eyes, and says: “We can keep Brittany for now, but we might not GET another chance to LOSE the dead weight also known as BESSIE! We might not get another shot to DO so!” Tigress says: “I'm all for that, ESPECIALLY if Bubble Bass AND Johnny ever GET here!” Bubble Bass, Johnny, and LARRY all emerge from the lake, and Bubble Bass pants, and says: “Here I am! I got your STUPID chest for you! I hope you APPRECIATE it, since it WEIGHS like 800 POUNDS for us to CARRY!” Tigress looks at Johnny and Larry, and notices that THEY are naked! Tigress asks: “What happened to your clothes?!” Larry says: “Neptune's Moon.” Johnny says: “They got burned off by the super sharks with heat-seeking missiles and laser beams!” Tigress says: “Well, it's about time you FOUND the treasure chest, the other team is already ahead of us!” Bubble Bass says: “Well, we need to decide what we're going to do if we LOSE! Have you thought about MY idea yet?!” Tigress says: “Fee is all for it! And if you can get Johnny to agree with us, than we're all golden!” Brittany finally arrives, and finishes showing off for the entourage and she says: “Sorry I'm late! I just had to finish giving off a few PUBLICITY photos for my ADORING public! They can't get enough of me!”

Tigress says: “Well YOU should consider yourself lucky, that we're willing to keep YOU on, because there's someone else around here, who needs to be taken care of first!” Bessie asks: “Are you talking about Katarra?! Because she creeps me out!” Johnny says: “It's not just you. She has that effect on everybody!” Katarra says: “I'm floating RIGHT HERE!!!! I can HEAR every single WORD that you are SAYING!” Johnny says: “Than I don't have to repeat myself!” Tigress says: “Give me that chest! You are ALL making this more DIFFICULT than it needs to be!” And Larry and Bubble Bass HAND the treasure chest to Tigress, and she's able to HOLD it like it was NOTHING!!!! Bubble Bass says: “WOAH!!!! I'm glad you're on OUR side!” Tigress says: “For now! Just remember to WATCH yourself if you manage to last until the team merge! Because after that; no promises!” Bubble Bass says: “Understood!” (Confessional) Bubble Bass says: “No doubt about it! It's better that I try to make an alliance as soon as I can, instead of trying to make it on my own. I just hope that Tigress and Johnny are all for it.” / Fee says: “Tigress needs to get a check-up from the neck up, and take a SERIOUS CHILL Pill!” / Katarra says: “A fool who talks and says EVERYTHING, but does NOTHING, is of no more use than someone who is UNABLE to do anything!” / Brittany says: “I'm...sensing some hostility from Tigress! This whole competition thing is going to be a LOT harder than it looks! It looks like I might have to step it up a bit! I don't want to be the next one voted off AFTER Bessie!” (End Confessional) Tigress says: “All right, I've got the treasure chest! Let's get GOING, guys and girls!” Larry says: “Well, it looks like you've got everything handled here! I'm going to go and buy everyone in Bikini Bottom some new clothes!” Bubble Bass says: “Okay, YOU go do that! Just don't tell Spongebob and Patrick that I helped you! I've got a reputation to maintain!” Larry says: “No promises!” And Larry disappears back in the water!” Tigress says: “We'll run back, it's faster!” Brittany says: “Let's hope so, for YOUR sake!” Tigress says: “You're in no position to talk, you know! If you had BEEN here to help, we might have gotten this done so much sooner!” (Confessional)

Brittany says: “It's official! Tigress OFFICIALLY hates me!” / Tigress says: “It's not so much that I HATE Brittany, I just have zero tolerance for incompetence, and just generally sucking at being anything other than being famous! And for what?! Selling a FEW million records?! Newsflash, Brittany; I'm famous, to! And unlike you, I actually had to EARN my fame the HARD way; by fighting evil!” (End Confessional) The teams race back towards camp, and Private says: “Look, there's the finish line!” Jenny looks back, and she says: “And there's Tigress coming up fast!” Po says: “We'll never cross before she crosses!” Kowalski says: “Quickly! Throw Rico across the finish line!” Po grunts, and he THROWS Rico forward as fast and as far as he can! Tigress, in slow-motion says: “NO!!!!!!!!!!” And Rico lands at the feat of Sniz and Fondue, and COUGHS up the Treasure Chest! Sniz says: “And it's OVER! It's all over! The Power Pandas WIN the FIRST challenge!” Tigress groans, and in regular motion, yells: “We LOST!!!! I can't believe WE LOST!!!!” And Tigress begins to have a coughing fit, and Bubble Bass asks: “Are you coming down with something?!” Tigress yells: “I can't STAND LOSING!!!!” Katarra says: “And that's putting it MILDLY!!!!” Sniz says: “General Barracuda, open up the treasure chest!” General Barracuda raises his right fist AND punches the lock right off of the chest, revealing a golden key! Sniz says: “Power Pandas, here is your key to get into the hotel, and have free run of the buffet, and all of the hotel amenities, until the beginning of the next challenge, as our free bonus to you!”

Private says: “Yahoo! We DID it!” Po smiles, and he says: “We ALL did it, working together!” Sniz says: “Killer Prawns, what can I say? It sucks to be YOU guys right now! You can unpack and pick out the cabin of your choice, and take this time to decide who you will be voting off, in the first Elimination Ceremony, of this brand new season!” (Confessional) Tigress says: “If this had been a straight up race between Po and just me, there's no WAY Po would have won first!” / Po says: “It's a good thing I have a whole team to back me up! Tigress is one TOUGH opponent to beat on my own!” (End Confessional)

Private and Danny are standing outside the hotel, and Private looks really surprised! Private says: “REALLY?! You're serious?!” Danny says: “It's true! My ability to 'Go Ghost', is malfunctioning, and now I'm channeling the spirits of Dead Celebrities! You've already seen at least a couple of them! But I don't want anyone else to know about this, they'd just freak out and jump to the wrong conclusion! Look, can you keep this a secret between us?” Private thinks about it, and he says: “I know! We can play it off, like you're just 'Acting!' Just tell everyone that you're thinking of becoming an actor once this season is over, and no one will think twice about your celebrity impressions!” Danny asks: “Isn't that LYING?!” Private says: “It won't be, if you actually DECIDE to enroll INTO some acting courses when you get back home!” Danny thinks about it, and he says: “Well, you got me there! All right! I'm game!” Private says: “Good! I'll help you sell your acting abilities, and we'll be able to keep this thing under wraps until this season is over!” Danny says: “Cool! In the meantime, we'll see if we can't DO something about your FAKE British accent!” And Private looks absolutely SHOCKED! (Confessional) Private asks: “Why does EVERYBODY always think that I have a FAKE British accent?! Why would I FAKE a British accent?! I just don't understand it!” / Katarra says: “I just want to state, for the record, that I read Private's aura! His British accent is TOTALLY authentic! There's no WAY you can fake THAT!” (End Confessional) It is now night time, and the Killer Prawns are now sitting around the campfire!

Sniz says: “Welcome contestants, to the first Elimination Ceremony of this new season! Killer Prawns, what can I say? Today was not a stellar day for many of you. Brittany Miller, it seems like you were too concerned with showing off to the media paparazzi following you around all day, instead of helping out in the challenge. Bessie, you spent WAY too much time talking, and not enough time helping! Bubble Bass, you had a REAL difficulty in learning how to give and accept help earlier, which really could have helped your team out sooner! And Tigress? You tried to do EVERYTHING yourself! Not the best move, for a self-proclaimed winner!” Tigress says: “So I made one mistake this season, so sue me!” Bubble Bass groans, and he says: “And I'm...Sor...ree, about my behavior! I'll work on it and be better about it in the future!” Sniz says: “You have all cast your votes! As usual, the contestants who are safe, will all get normal marshmallows! But this season, the LOSER, will get the DREADED Anti-Fairy, Anti-Magic Marshmallow!” And General Barracuda appears in a haz-mat suit, and holds a purple, GLOWING marshmallow, with a pair of metal tongs!

Brittany asks: “Well, what happens if you touch an Anti-Fairy, Anti-Magic Marshmallow?!” Sniz says: “That's just it! The effects are ALWAYS random, so there's no telling WHAT might happen! Maybe something good, but PROBABLY something bad! I guess you might never know, because I'm going to bet that MOST of you aren't going to take the CHANCE of having something BAD happen to you! Anyways, it's time to reveal who will get to stay, and who will have to leave!” Bessie Higgenbottom says: “You know; my family is descended from a LONG line of marshmallow makers! We're famous for making the marshmallows called--.” And everyone else simultaneously says: “Shut UP, Bessie Higgenbottom!” Sniz says: “Thank you! Tigress, you're safe! Johnny, you're also safe! Katarra! Fee! Bubble Bass!” And Brittany and Bessie both look at each other nervously, realizing there's only ONE safe marshmallow left! Sniz says: “Contestants, this is the FINAL safe marshmallow of the evening! And the final, safe marshmallow goes to...THANKFULLY, Brittany Miller!” Brittany says: “YES!!!!” Bessie says: “WHAT?!!!” And General Barracuda THROWS the purple, Anti-Magic marshmallow at Bessie, and before she can even REACT, it LANDS in her hands, and the Anti-Magic causes her to INSTANTLY lose all her HEAD hair in an instant PUFF! Sniz says: “OOPS!!!! Guess it was something BAD, tonight!” Bessie says: “Oh, and I thought I was doing so well! I was just trying to impress you!” Tigress says: “Next time, do that with your ACTIONS, instead of your words, Miss Amy Poehler!!!!” Bessie asks: “Why does everyone always think that I SOUND like her?! I've never even MET her!”

Sniz says: “Bessie! To the Giant Slingshot of Shame!” And General Barracuda puts a safety helmet, and some safety gear on Bessie! Bessie gets strapped into the Slingshot, and says: “Wow! This is really fascinating! You know, the ORIGINAL slingshot was actually first invented, by my great-great--!” (KOING!!!!) And Bessie is hurled forwards and screams: “GREAT!!!!” Sniz says: “And with that, the Motormouth Bessie Higgenbottom is FINALLY out of the competition! Who will be the next to lose?! Which team will win the next challenge?! And how long will Johnny Krill CONTINUE to be naked?!” Johnny says: “I've got three other pairs of clothes in my suitcase, all right! Don't get your hair in a knot!” Sniz rolls his eyes, and he says: “All of these questions, and some others, may be answered, on the next episode of Total Cartoon Island Strikes Back! George Lucas, eat your heart out!” /

Episode Notes: Contestants remaining: Brittany Miller (Killer Prawn); Bubble Bass (Killer Prawn); Danny Fenton (Power Panda); Fee (Killer Prawn); Jenny Wakeman (Power Panda); Johnny Krill (Killer Prawn); Katarra (Killer Prawn); Kowalski (Power Panda); Po (Power Panda); Private (Power Panda); Rico (Power Panda); Theodore Seville (Power Panda); Tigress (Killer Prawn). / Eliminated: #14, Bessie Higgenbottom (“The Mighty B!”). /

Featured song in this episode, “All Star” by Smash Mouth, as the generic, opening theme song for this season. With Bessie's elimination, all the representatives from “The Mighty B!”; have been eliminated from this season. It is revealed that Danny Fenton's ability to 'Go Ghost', is malfunctioning, and he is now starting to channel dead celebrities, as various parts of his personality. Two of those celebrities are revealed, and they are Rodney Dangerfield, and Bette Davis. Johnny Krill becomes the team leader of the Killer Prawns, and Po becomes the team leader for the Power Pandas. It is revealed that Katarra can cause lightning bolts to randomly drop from the sky at anyone who annoys her, or, whenever she needs a good laugh. Theodore Seville develops an attraction to Brittany Miller in this episode. Blonda becomes a brand new coach for this season, starting with this episode. Cameo appearances from past contestants include Snaptrap, Spongebob, Patrick, and Larry, the latter three having JUST gotten past being under the effects of Neptune's Moon! /

Personal Notes: I think the reason why it was so hard for me to actually START this season, was I was having trouble being inspired, and coming up with something interesting and hazardous enough, to qualify as the first major obstacle, for being created by the Anti-Fairy Anti-Magic. So I actually consulted with Renegade the Unicorn, and he came up with the suggestion of the sharks to me. Originally, he suggested fire-breathing sharks with laser beams. However, it didn't make much sense for me to have the sharks breath fire, because that wouldn't make them really dangerous, since they were constantly surrounded by water, so I decided to equip them with heat-seeking missiles instead as a compromise! Ironically, I was going to DO the first part of this season, as a quick, easy way for me to burn through fourteen episodes of season four; and I think the only reason why it took me as long as it did to write the first episode of this season, was that I care WAY too much about the quality of my own writing, and I REFUSE to settle for something substandard, for my fans. If I notice that something is substandard to MY general sense of taste, than chances are, my fans are going to notice that the general quality of my work is substandard, to THEIR sense of taste as well! That's the major reason why I tried to make the first episode of this season as good as I did! As for eliminating Bessie Higgenbottom first? Personally, as far as I'm concerned; a little bit of Amy Poehler, goes a long, LONG way! And out of all the contestant, I knew the least bit about HER, compared to all the other contestants this season! That's why she got eliminated first! Hopefully, it won't take me so long to write the rest of this season! Enough said, true believers!