Fanfiction Reruns

[4EverGreen]

Things are finally settling back down to normal, but there is still plenty of excitement to be had, on today's newest adventure! I hope that you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it! / Sniz is in the cockpit, and says: “Last time, on Total Cartoon Global Cruise, it was epic Western show-down time at the OK Corral in Tombstone, Arizona! Seven contestants would enter, but only six would be able to carry on in their epic quest for up to $44.44 million in cold hard cash! Bulma was getting all ready to deal with Captain Retro once and for all, when who should rear his ugly head but Anti-Timmy?! He was not happy about what Bulma had done to him, and was prepared to deal the bratty beauty some serious harm! Luckily, Captain Retro and the other contestants formed as a band of heroes, and found a way to DISPOSE of Anti-Timmy, once and for all! Then, they finally got to deal Bulma Briefs, some much needed Western punishment! And, as it turns out, Bulma has secretly been behind nearly ALL the SHOCKING power moves made in this game, and the things she said about her former contestants, were FAR from pretty! In order to avoid a PAINFUL elimination by the hands of her fellow contestants, Bulma chose to eliminate herself, rather than endure the wrath of her fellow contestants. Sadly, with Bulma out of the plane, Captain Retro suddenly found that his morality based superpowers had gone bye-bye, and he was now living on borrowed time in this game! Is this Captain Retro's final moment of glory? Where will we go today, that we haven't gone already? And who will win today when all is said and done? Find out, as we continue our radical race, on Total Cartoon (sings) Global Cruise! I wonder how you say that in Hindu?” / Instead of the usual show open, the remaining six contestants reflect on their incredible journey to get to this point, by remembering all of the wild adventures they've had so far, while singing their version of a Fleetwood Mac hit song! / Genre: Rock. Sub-genre: Fleetwood Mac. Song: “Don't Stop.” Sung by: The contestants! / Captain Retro: “If you wake up and don't want to smile, if it takes just a little while; open your eyes, and look at the day, you'll see things in a different way.” Skipper and Suzie: “Don't stop thinking about tomorrow. Don't stop, it'll soon be here. It'll be here better than before. Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone!” Reggie: “Why not think about times to come? And not about the things that you've done? If your life was bad to you; just think what tomorrow will do.” Patrick and Chameleon: “Don't stop thinking about tomorrow. Don't stop, it'll soon be here. It'll be here better than before. Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone!” (Guitar Solo)

Captain Retro: “All I want is to see you smile, if it takes just a little while.” Skipper: “I know you don't believe that it's true, I never meant any harm to you.” Reggie and Chameleon: “Don't stop thinking about tomorrow. Don't stop, it'll soon be here! It'll be here better than before. Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone!” Suzie and Chameleon: “Don't stop thinking about tomorrow. Don't stop, it'll soon be here. It'll be here better than before. Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone!” Reggie and Captain Retro: “Ooh! Don't you look back. Don't you look back. Don't you look back. Don't you look back.” / And the epic song ends! / “The Long Run.” / The plane is in transit again. For the first time ever, Skipper is getting to relax in the V.I.P. Lounge, enjoying all the comforts he can imagine! Skipper says to himself: “Well, it took 46 episodes LONGER than it should have, but I finally made it, to the V.I.P. Lounge! Soft, comfy pillows, nice, warm bed, a crackling fire, and all the fish that I can eat. The only thing that doesn't make this place TOTALLY perfect, is that Marlene isn't here to enjoy it with me! I miss her SO much!” (Confessional) Skipper says: “Let's face the facts, with Bulma gone, and Captain Retro having lost access to his superpowers, I pretty much have this game in the palm of my flippers! It just STINKS that Bulma had to ELIMINATE so many of my FRIENDS, before I could get here! At least now, I think it will be NOTHING but smooth sailing from here on out!” (End Confessional) In the First Class Section of the plane, four other contestants are relaxing! Suzie says: “You know, it's a SHAME that we all couldn't share the V.I.P. Lounge, seeing as how we ALL took down Bulma Briefs! But seeing as how Bulma Briefs IS gone, I think that's a good enough prize for ALL of us!” Reggie says: “Agreed! No more talking about Bulma Briefs, let's just focus on the rest of the game, even if there's not much left of it to go around!” Patrick says: “I will be SO happy, to get into the Final Five, and be able to give Pearl, a much needed surge of money!”

Chameleon looks at Captain Retro, and Chameleon asks: “Captain Retro, whatever are you doing!” Captain Retro strains, and he says: “I'm trying to FLY! Can't you see I'm trying to fly?!” Suzie says: “Captain Retro, ever since Bulma got herself a one-way ticket out of this game, you've been trying like CRAZY to continue to use your powers, with no luck in that department!” Reggie says: “It's not pleasant, but you're just like the rest of us, now! You're not any different from us!” Captain Retro says: “But I REALLY liked being different! It made me feel so SPECIAL; so unique! Without my superpowers; what am I? Just another funny, talking, anthropomorphic dog! And heaven KNOWS just how many of them there ARE in cartoons already!” Patrick says: “It's too bad you're not a sea star. The cartoon field isn't very crowded, in terms of popular sea stars!” Chameleon says: “I could lend you my power suit. You could TRANSFORM into something that can fly if that will make you feel any better!” Captain Retro says: “Thanks for the offer, but I have to decline for two reasons. A; I don't feel as safe and secure about the transformation technology the way YOU do! And B; your power suit only works with YOU wearing with, so unless you want to carry me AROUND as something flying, I'll have to pass!” Chameleon says: “It was a suggestion!” Captain Retro says: “Don't get me wrong; I appreciate the offer, but I have to face the cold, hard facts. My superpowers are gone, which makes me on level playing field with the rest of you. I don't expect any of you to try to save me, nor should you have any reason to. You four and Skipper combined, know more about being a Nicktoon then I do. Honestly, I just can't compete with that!” Suzie says: “That's never stopped you before! You just got to find something special about yourself, and use it to help you out! My ability to SING; and perform, fuels my energetic performances!” Reggie says: “I'm a skilled athlete! By mastering many sports, I get really good with tricky moves!” Chameleon says: “My Changing Suit allows me to become anything I feel like. By becoming many different things, I know what it's like to walk a mile in another person's shoes! Not, always literally, of course!” Patrick says; “Uh, I'm Patrick; and my special skill is...well; I'm still HERE, aren't I?!” Captain Retro says: “I get the idea, you all have special, unique skills! And...well, I guess MY special skill is my ability to create art, know a lot of facts about a lot of popular songs, and occasionally act in locally made movies, but I don't see how any of those skills could help out in whatever challenge comes up next!” (Confessional) Captain Retro says: “At this point, the only chance I could POSSIBLY have in the next challenge, is if we ended up doing some weird, India Bollywood challenge; where the object was to sing, and act, while creating some really pretty art!” / Suzie says: “Let's face the facts; I'm pretty much the original rocking chick with ATTITUDE on this show, and I've got the singing skills to match! This girl, is going ALL the way to the top!” /

Reggie says: “Captain Retro KNEW what he was signing up for when he entered this game; I just don't think he planned on what he would do, in case his superpowers ever abandoned him, after he fulfilled his purpose! My personal guess? I guess he thought that he wouldn't even LAST as long as he did!” / Patrick says: “I know there's SOME word that describes the special skill I have! What is it?! What did Pearl call it?! Stam...in...a? Stamina?! That's it, I have stamina! How else could I have outlasted so many other contestants that have been physically and mentally better than me?! Simply because I had more STAMINA than they did! All RIGHT!!!! I found my special skill! I just hope it's enough to get me to the Final Three!” / Chameleon says: “Captain Retro is a nice enough dog, but he's just not the same as Dudley, not that he isn't NICE like Dudley can be! I think that as far as Captain Retro is concerned, it's all over except the shouting!” (End Confessional) As if on cue, Sniz comes over the intercom, and announces: “Congratulations, Final Six! For making it THIS far in the game, I am proud to announce that as of now, the Normal Class section of the Plane is no more! From this point on, you will ALL be winners, IF you can make it past the next challenge! You will have a surprise waiting for you when you land; but before we do, I'm going to announce the challenge we're going to do today! Today, we are traveling all the way to Pakistan, to travel the length of THEIR Karakoram Highway, to navigate a stretch of the ancient Silk Road!” And General Barracuda looks at Sniz weirdly! (Confessional) Sniz looks at his writer's notes, and he says: “YOU try coming up with 46 different locations for a game show! It was either, Pakistan Karakoram Challenge, or some weird, India Bollywood challenge involving singing, acting, and art!”

(End Confessional) Sniz announces: “That's all for now! Sniz, out!” Patrick asks: “The Karakoram Highway? What in the WORLD is that?!” Captain Retro groans, and he says: “Curse my ability to know SO much about Geography! The Karakoram Highway, or National Highway N-35, is in its entirety; an 800 mile LONG stretch of road that runs from the Xinjiang Uyghar Autonomous Region of China to Hasan Abdal in the Punjab region of Pakistan! Now, seeing as how we're going to Pakistan, I'm ASSUMING that means we won't be GOING through China; and that WOULD make sense since we've already BEEN through a part of China already! But even so, the Karakoram Highway in Pakistan is STILL 551 miles in length! And what do you think we will be expected to do?!” Suzie asks: “Singing?!” Captain Retro: “Technically, we WILL have to sing eventually, but what ELSE will we have to do?!” Reggie asks: “Running?” Captain Retro says: “Bingo!” Patrick asks: “We're playing BINGO?!” Captain Retro seriously shouts: “WANDA!!!!” Wanda wearily says: “UH!!!!” And she poofs up a Frying Pan of Doom, and HITS Patrick with it! Captain Retro says: “THANK you for that!” Chameleon says: “I could have just TURNED into a Frying Pan of Doom, if you wanted me to.” Captain Retro says: “Not at the risk of YOUR current game plan! Yes, we will be running! And it will be a LOT of running! And with the possible exception of Reggie Rocket, MORE running than any of us will do in the REST of our lives!” (Confessional) Captain Retro says: “Let's get one thing straight RIGHT now; without my superpowers, I don't RUN! And I especially don't RUN a whole 551 miles across the country of PAKISTAN! Don't get me wrong, I've always wanted to SEE that country, just not like THAT!” / Reggie fist-pumps, and says: “YES!!!! We're going to be doing a running challenge! And if there's anything I'm good at, BESIDES pretty much every extreme sport and athletic event I've ever tried, it's running! I am SO going to own this challenge!” / Patrick says: “A running challenge? This might be a good time to use some of that STAMINA, that I've been saving! It certainly couldn't hurt!” / Chameleon says: “You know, it would be pretty easy for me to turn myself into some kind of a rocket, and win that way! But I don't want to do that, because that's not the right way to win. Dudley wouldn't want to win that way, so I'm going to play fair and square, no matter how hard it is!” / Suzie incredulously asks: “Running?! Do I LOOK like a female version of Jesse Owens?! Because I'm not! My shoes, and my body, are NOT made for running! Do you know what I'm saying?! / Skipper says: “Since the challenge is going to be running, the only REAL threat to me winning this challenge, is probably Reggie Rocket! If it looks like she's doing too well, I might have to resort to Plan B! B, for BRIBERY!!!! If I can entice Reggie Rocket with a good enough offer, she's BOUND to take me to the Final Three with her! It's certainly WORTH a shot!” (End Confessional)

The Plane lands right on the Chinese, Pakistan border, and the contestants see the LONG, paved highway stretched before them! Patrick is completely awe-struck, and he says: “That's a lot of ROAD!” Suzie asks: You don't expect us to run down that entire length of HIGHWAY; do you?!” Sniz says: “Of course not! At least, not on foot! For this challenge, you will get to ride on HORSES!!!!” Skipper asks: “Horses?!” Sniz asks: “Do you REALLY want to perform this challenge on FOOT?!” Skipper nervously says: “No, sir. I'm so sorry, sir!” Sniz says: “Yes, you will be riding horses for The Long Run! See how I worked the title of the episode in here?! Anyways, your horses can all run 40 miles per hour, give or take a few miles of course; so it SHOULD take you about 14.5 hours to complete this challenge, give or take a few minutes, of course! And don't worry, if you DON'T finish this challenge within 24 hours, we are LEGALLY required to find and rescue you!” Chameleon says: “Well, that's a load off MY mind!” Sniz says: “Of course, running isn't the ONLY thing that will be involved in this challenge!” Captain Retro asks: “You mean there's MORE?!” Sniz says: “If this challenge only involved RUNNING; all we would have to show people at home is about 45 minutes of running, with about 15 minutes worth of Confessionals cut in-between the running! Not a very interesting challenge! Since you will be traveling along the historic path that WAS the Silk Road; there will also be a memory based challenge! And no, it WON'T involve silk!” Reggie asks: “What will it involve, then?” Sniz says: “The Silk Road was only the title of the historic path-way, but much MORE than Silk traveled on this road! For instance, spices were often traded between the Ancient Chinese Empires, and the Ancient Greece/Roman Empires of way back when!”

Skipper says: “I can certainly handle MY fair share of spices!” Sniz says: “Actually, you won't! That's part of the SURPRISE we've planned for you! For getting all the way to the Final Six; THIS season, we have decided to make the Final Six, into PAIRS! What that entails, is that each of you will be paired up with a partner for the REST of the Game! So, if you want to win, the two of you will BOTH have to make it past these final, few challenges!” Patrick asks: “So, who will our partner be?” Sniz says: “A significant, former contestant that was eliminated PREVIOUSLY in this challenge! And even better, each of these former contestants say that they have a GREAT love interest, for who they are getting paired with!” (Confessional) Captain Retro says: “Love interest?! It certainly couldn't be Marlene! At least, not for me! But then, who ELSE could POSSIBLY be interested in me?!” / Suzie fist-pumps, and says: “YES!!!! I am SO going to get Otto Rocket, and an instant PASS into the Winner's Circle!” / Skipper says: “Karma is FINALLY smiling down on me! Marlene, we are SO going to be reunited, and it will FEEL so good!” / Patrick says: “After all this time, I'm FINALLY going to get to see Pearl again!” / Reggie says: “Well Rocko, it looks like we're going to get to the end together, after all!” / Chameleon says: “It will certainly make the game more interesting, that's for sure; getting to play WITH Dudley! I'm excited about the prospect already!” (End Confessional) A helicopter, lugging six human-sized boxes, suddenly drops the boxes down in front of the contestants! Sniz says: “Contestants, meet your partners for the rest of the game! Or, until BOTH of you are eliminated! Whichever comes first! Chameleon, please welcome back DUDLEY!!!!” And Dudley busts out of his box, STILL not wearing a shirt! Chameleon lovingly says: “Dudley! You've returned!” They hug each other, and Dudley says: “Of course I did! You didn't think you were going to finish this WITHOUT me, did you?!” Sniz says: “Patrick, Pearl is BACK in the game!” Pearl opens her box, and she lovingly approaches Patrick! Pearl says: “Well, this wasn't how I pictured getting into the Final Five; but whatever works, I'll take it!” Patrick says: “I sure am glad we're here together! I feel a LOT better about my chances for winning, now!” Sniz says: “Reggie, you get the rock-steady, ROCKO!!!!” Rocko jumps out of his box, and lands in Reggie's arms! Rocko says: “Reggie, you've gotten so much stronger!” Reggie says: “I FEEL a lot stronger, after everything I've been through!” Sniz says: “Captain Retro, you get Kitty Katswell!” A box opens, but instead of Kitty Katswell, it's KATIE, the Girl from Ipanema!!!! Sniz asks: “KATIE?! What are you doing back here?! Kitty was supposed to come back!” Looking lovingly at Captain Retro, Katie says: “Believe me, I didn't come back for YOU, Sniz! I came back for Captain Retro!” Captain Retro shockingly asks: “ME?! Why me?!” Katie says: “Because you're charming, you're honest, you're humble. And most importantly, you've made me laugh this season!”

(Confessional) Captain Retro shockingly asks: “I made Katie LAUGH?! What did I do this season that was so funny in HER mind?!” / Sniz sourly asks: “Katie will come back to this show for Captain Retro, but not for ME?! What does HE have that I don't?!” / Katie says: “If you must know why I came back, I like a guy with superpowers! Of course, that's not the only reason I came back! I hope that my appearance in this show will generate enough interest for a spin-off series! Or a the very least, we'll eventually get a FOURTH season out of this whole deal!” (End Confessional) Sniz, miffed at Katie nuzzling Captain Retro, but deciding to RISE above it, continues with the presentation! Sniz says: “Skipper, you get Marlene!” Marlene leaps out of her box, and she says: “Yes! I am BACK in the game!!!! Nothing is going to stop US now!” Skipper says: “Pretty funny; especially considering the LAST time we had that attitude, you technically got eliminated!” Marlene says: “A mere fluke; completely unavoidable! It will NOT happen again! Right, Skipper!” Skipper lovingly says: “I should think not, seeing as how we're the audience favorites to WIN this whole thing!” (Confessional) Marlene says: “When I got eliminated thanks to Bulma, I honestly thought that was it for me! But General Barracuda and Fondue decided to take pity on some of the contestants who got eliminated thanks to Bulma, and he offered six of us a second chance! How could any of us pass THAT up?! I mean, as long as I get to be with Skipper, that's all that matters to ME!” / Skipper says: “I had a lot of self-doubt as to whether I actually COULD win this season or not! But with Marlene back by my side; I don't have any doubts any longer! We are going to win TOGETHER, like we were always MEANT to win!” (End Confessional)

Sniz says: “Last, but DEFINITELY not LEAST; Suzie gets Otto Rocket!!!!” But instead of Otto Rocket busting though the BOX; everyone is horrified and SHOCKED, to see Angelica Pickles BREAK her way through the BOX!!!! Suzie screams: “AUGH!!!!!!!!!!! Captain Retro is even shocked, and he yells: “Oh, NO!!!!” Sniz asks: “Katie coming back unexpected?! THAT I can let slide!!!! You are most DEFINITELY NOT WELCOME BACK in this competition; and THAT is FINAL!!!!” Angelica evilly says: “My LAWYER, Jonathan, would BEG to differ! The contracts that were signed, SPECIFICALLY said; that whoever was in the BOXES, would get to come BACK into the challenge; NOT who was actually PICKED to come back!” Katie sighs, and says: “It's true. I paid Kitty Katswell $44,000 so I could take her place in the box! But what did YOU have to do to take Otto Rocket's place?!” Angelica flashes a SLASHER smile, and she says: “It's so SIMPLE!!!! I simply HIT Otto Rocket on the head with a Frying Pan of DOOM, just so I could take his PLACE in returning BACK to the competition!!!!” Suzie angrily cries: “You are SO UTTERLY DESPICABLE!!!!” Angelica genuinely says: “Thank you! But that's not the WORST news that YOU'RE going to hear today!!!! I am going to be YOUR partner for the REST of the ENTIRE GAME!!!! And you are going to play, and you are going to fight, and you are most CERTAINLY going to get ME to the FINAL THREE!!!!” Suzie defiantly says: “NEVER!!!! I refuse to do ANYTHING for you as it violates my PERSONAL religion!” Patrick asks: “Which religion would THAT be?! Suzie seriously says: “ANY religion, which prohibits me from having to WORK with an INSANE, DERANGED, potentially MURDEROUS psychopath!!!!” Angelica again flashes a slasher smile, and she says: “Oh, I think YOU'RE going to do whatever I WANT you to do! Or, I can make a simple call to my GOOD friend, Verminious J. SNAPTRAP!!!!” Chameleon says: “But he's in JAIL!!!!” Angelica flashes her creepy, slasher smile, and she says: “NOT anymore!!!! After finding out that Bulma was the one who FRAMED Snaptrap for putting the microchip on Reggie Rocket, he got a clean PARDON, and he is FREE again! And unless you want Verminious J. Snaptrap to BLOW OTTO ROCKET to KINGDOM COME in TRILLION TINY PIECES, you better WORK with ME!!!!” Suzie disgustedly asks: “Are there no LOWS you won't sink to?! What about the CONSEQUENCES?!!!” Angelica scoffs, and she says: “Consequences, shmonsequences; as long as I'm rich! That's all I care about! Oh, and don't THINK that you can try to get me out on a medical related medical evacuation THIS time around; or I'll call Snaptrap ANYWAYS!!!! Besides, you should KNOW by NOW, that I'm just going to keep coming back, and coming BACK, and coming BACK, AND COMING BACK; UNTIL I WIN MY GOD-DAMNED MONEY; so you MIGHT as WELL JUST LET ME WIN THIS SEASON, if you don't WANT OTTO'S PRECIOUS LIFE to be OVER!!!!” Sniz screams: “ANGELICA!!!! LANGUAGE!!!!” And Angelica suddenly calms down!

Sniz says: “Now, I know that this season IS PG-Rated, so a LITTLE bit of colorful language is DEFINITELY okay, but certainly NOT in the matter that YOU were USING it!” Angelica angrily asks: “Are YOU THREATENING me?!” General Barracuda angrily replies: “So WHAT if he IS?!!!” Angelica spits in General Barracuda's face, and she says: “NOBODY threatens ANGELICA PICKLES!!!! I'll say whatever I GOD-DAMN WANT TO!!!!” Sniz seriously says: “ANGELICA!!!! If you USE that language ONE more TIME, I will be FORCED to invoke the PERMANENT censor status on that SNOTTY little MOUTH of yours!” Angelica defiantly says: “I'd like to see you GOD-DAMN TRY!!!! This little mouth of mine is going to keep on flapping, so why don't you take that empty threat of yours, and SHOVE it up your (BLEEP!!!!) WHAT?!!! I SAID (BLEEP!!!!) It's just (BLEEP!!!!) OH MY GOD!!!! I can't BELIEVE you could be such a (BLEEP!!!!) I come from (BLEEP!!!!) AMERICA!!!! Do you think you can (BLEEP!!!!) STOP ME?!!! I KNOW Donald (BLEEP!!!!) TRUMP, and HE KNOWS PEOPLE, who can PUT you into (BLEEP!!!!) Guantanamo without so much as a (BLEEP!!!!) TRIAL!!!! So, you better remove this (BLEEP!!!!) Censor away from MY (BLEEP!!!!) mouth, or you will be going to (Extra LONG BLEEP!!!!)” Patrick says: “OOH!!!! Censored SWEARING!!!! Suddenly, she's a lot more ATTRACTIVE!!!!” And Pearl SLAPS Patrick in the face! Patrick says: “WHAT?!!! I didn't say she was MORE attractive than YOU, did I?!” Katie sighs, and says: “SUCH infantile behavior!” Captain Retro sighs, and he lovingly says: “I'm sure glad that YOU are a lot better behaved than THAT!” Katie asks: “Is there something on your mind, Captain Retro?” Captain Retro sighs, and he says: “I'm thinking about how pretty and smart you are, and how GREAT we can be together!” /

Genre: Michael Jackson. Sub-genre: Paul McCartney. Song: “The Girl is Mine.” Sung by: Captain Retro and Sniz! / Captain Retro: “Every night she walks right in my dreams, since I met her from the start. I'm so proud I am the only one, who is special in her heart. The girl is mine. The doggone girl is mine. I know she's mine, because the doggone girl is mine.” Sniz: “I don't understand the way you think, saying that she's yours, not mine. Sending roses and your silly dreams; really just a waste of time. Because she's mine. The doggone girl is mine! Don't waste your time, because the doggone girl is mine! I love you more than he. Take you anywhere!” Captain Retro: “But I love you endlessly! Loving we will share!” Captain Retro and Sniz: “So come and go with me, two on town.” Captain Retro: “But we both cannot have her! So it's, one or the other! And one day you'll discover, that she's my girl forever and ever!” Sniz: “I don't build your hopes to be let down, cause I really feel it's time.” Captain Retro: “Did she tell you I'm the one for her? Because she said, I blow her mind! The girl is mine. The doggone girl is mine! Don't waste your time, because the doggone girl is mine!” Sniz and Captain Retro: “She's mine. She's mine. No, no, no, she's mine. The girl is mine. The girl is mine! The girl is mine, the girl is mine! Mine, mine. Yep, she's mine. Mine, mine. The girl is mine. Mine, mine. Yep, she's mine. Mine, mine.” Captain Retro: “Don't waste your time, because the doggone girl is mine! Oh, the girl is mine!” Sniz: “Captain Retro, we're not going to fight about this, okay?” Captain Retro: “Sniz, I think you know that I'm really a lover, not a fighter!” Sniz: “I've heard it all before, Captain Retro! She told me that I'm her forever lover, you know; don't you remember?” Captain Retro: “Well, after loving me, she said she couldn't love another.” Sniz: “Is that what she said?” Captain Retro: “Yes, she said that, you keep dreaming!” Sniz and Captain Retro: “I don't believe it! Mine, mine. No, the girl is mine. Mine, mine. No, mine! She's mine, mine, mine, mine, mine! Mine, mine, mine.” Captain Retro: “Because the girl is mine!” /

And the epic song ends! Katie says: “I can break this dead-lock! I am officially with Captain Retro! I'm sorry, but you're just going to have to learn to accept disappointments, Sniz!” (Confessional) Captain Retro says: “Wow! That's the first girl I've ever met, who I managed to impress with my SINGING, more than I was able to with my superpowers! Maybe I don't need them to win in this challenge, after all! Although, I now have to get rid of Angelica Pickles AGAIN!!!! Why can't that girl ever just STAY eliminated?!” / Katie says: “The main reason I like Captain Retro? He likes me for WHO I am! Not WHAT I am!!!! I mean...oh, you know what I mean!” / In the cockpit, Sniz screams: “AUGH!!!!!!!!!!” And he REPEATEDLY SLAMS his head against the Steel Door! General Barracuda says: “Come on! Stop that! Don't do that! You're hurting yourself! You're DENTING the VALUABLE steel DOOR?!!!” But Sniz doesn't answer General Barracuda, so General Barracuda awkwardly says: “Well, it looks like Sniz is in the middle of a potentially unhealthy, nervous breakdown; so we're going to take a quick commercial break, try to calm Sniz down and make him better! And HOPEFULLY, by the time we come back, there will still BE a host to host the REST of this episode, on Total Cartoon Global Cruise!” Sniz screams: “WHY, KATIE?!!! WHY?!!!” General Barracuda nervously says: “I sure hope we CAN Calm him down!” (End Confessional) / (Commercial Break) / The contestants, now with their partners by their side, are surprised to see General Barracuda come back out of the plane, with a VERY dented steel door! General Barracuda sighs, and he says: “Well, I've got two good news, and one bad news. The first good news is, Sniz is going to be fine. Fondue is tending to him in the plane, and he just needs some time to COOL down! The bad news is, the very VALUABLE Steel Door to the cock-pit has been broken AGAIN, so I'm afraid that the Cock-pit Confessional is now OFF limits for the rest of the game!” Dudley says: “That's not such a big deal. We didn't use the Cock-pit Confessional much THIS season anyways!” General Barracuda says: “The second good news is, until Sniz gets better, he has officially put ME in charge of this CHALLENGE for THIS episode! Or, until he gets better! Whichever comes first!” Angelica screams: “IX-NAY on the ONSPIRACY-CAY!!!! You're obviously going to RIG this challenge UNFAIRLY AGAINST MY FAVOR, in order to try to RIG me OUT of this GAME SHOW!!!! That has SO got to be (BLEEP!!!!) ILLEGAL!!!!”

General Barracuda leers at Angelica, and he says: “Keep it up, TWERP!!!! I DARE YOU!!!! I've got a can of MACE in the plane that I've been DYING to try out, and Sniz has authorized me to SPRAY you in the face, if you continue to make SNOTTY little OUTBURSTS like that!” Angelica thinks about it, and she bitterly says: “FINE!!!! I don't NEED to swear in order to win this game show ANYWAYS!!!!” Reggie seriously says: “GOOD!!!! Because I can be FRIENDS with someone whose parents never HUGGED her enough, but I can't be FRIENDS with a VILE swearer!!!!” Angelica yells: “WHAT?!!!” Reggie seriously says: “Do you know the ONLY reason I didn't vote you OFF in the Brazil challenge EARLIER this season, like EVERYONE else did, even though I had EVERY single good reason to DO so?! It's because I CHOSE to take the MORAL HIGH ROAD!!!! I CHOSE to give you the BENEFIT of the doubt! I CHOSE to BELIEVE that DEEP DOWN, there WAS a GOOD person WITHIN all the OUTSIDE nastiness! But the WAY you keep BEHAVING, makes me begin to WISH that I had done what EVERYONE else had done, and VOTED you off then and THERE! Now ASK yourself, do you REALLY want to live life without a single FRIEND in the world?! Because UNLESS you call off the attack on MY brother, you can KISS your ONLY friend good-bye!!!!” Angelica scoffs, and she says: “COME ON!!!! LIKE YOU WOULD ACTUALLY DO IT?! You're REGGIE ROCKET!!!! YOU are FRIENDS with EVERYBODY!!!!” But Angelica LOOKS at REGGIE'S face, and Angelica can see that Reggie's face looks QUITE sour!!!! Angelica actually GETS an epiphany, and she says: “My GOD!!!! You actually WOULD; wouldn't you?!!!” Reggie's facial expression doesn't change, and Angelica sighs, she picks up her cell phone, pushes an instant call-back button, and she says: “Snaptrap, it's me. I'm going to have to call the whole plan off, you can THANK Reggie Rocket for that! Don't worry, I'll still give you SOME money for your trouble, once I WIN!!!! All right, thanks for being SO understanding! Bye!” And Angelica hangs up the phone! Reggie smiles, and she asks: “Now tell me, was that REALLY so hard to actually DO?!” (Confessional) Angelica SCREAMS: “AUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!! PTOOEY!!!! PTOOEY!!!! PTOOEY!!!! PTOOEY!!!! I HATE this WHOLE FREAKING THING!!!! HATE!! HATE!! HATE!! HATE!! HATE!! HATE!!!! Why does being FRIENDS with Reggie Rocket have to be SO FREAKING DIFFICULT?!!! At least nobody knows that SNAPTRAP and I have officially decided to become the NEXT power couple on EARTH!!!! They'd NEVER let me live down actually DATING a RAT!!!! Wait!!!! Did I just say that out LOUD?!!!” (Camera briefly cuts) Angelica struggles with the camera, and she says: “I want the D.V.D. BACK!!!! Give me the D.V.D!!!! How do you OPEN this FREAKING THING?!!!” / Reggie says: “It looks like I found Angelica's WEAK spot! As it turns out, it's ME!!!! She can't stand the thought of LOSING her only friend!!!! This might give me an unusual edge in helping to win TODAY'S challenge!” (End Confessional)

General Barracuda says: “Now, if we are all THOROUGHLY finished with wasting MY precious time, perhaps you would like to actually HEAR what the challenge is, NOW!!!!” Marlene says: “You definitely don't need to worry about me in THAT department! I know better than to waste YOUR precious time!” General Barracuda says: “In any case, each of you will be given a horse to ride down the 551 mile stretch of Karakoram Highway in Pakistan. You will be riding from the Chinese-Pakistan border, to Hasan Abdal in the Punjab Region of Pakistan! Along the way, you will pass through 12 towns, and you will see a Spice stop that will ONLY sell one type of spice! And it is crucial to stop at EVERY Spice stop you see on the Highway, because once you get to Hasan Abdal, you will need to use all the spices you've gathered along the way, to make the PERFECT Hindu Stew! Now, here's where the MEMORY part of the challenge comes in! You must add in EACH spice in the EXACT order that you first OBTAINED it! Then, and only THEN; will the Hindu Stew taste JUST right! And I will KNOW if it's right, because I will be the one TASTING it! And TRUST me, I have VERY sensitive taste buds! Whoever gets the Hindu Stew recipe EXACTLY right, will win the V.I.P. Lounge treatment, with their personal partner! Everyone else will be at the MERCY of tonight's Elimination Ceremony vote-off, provided nothing BAD happens to ANY of the contestants in the interim; like, say a song that was originally performed by HEART that could spell impending doom for a certain snot-nosed, ungrateful girl who has been given FAR more chances to straighten up than she DESERVES!!!!” Angelica screams: “Are YOU implying SOMETHING?!!!” General Barracuda scoffs: “Like YOU'RE the only girl HERE?!!! I could have LITERALY meant ANY girl in this CHALLENGE!!!!”

General Barracuda begins to walk toward the plane, but then he turns back around, and he says: “But in this case, I totally WAS referring specifically to YOU!!!!” (Confessional) Angelica says: “Note to self, when I WIN the $44.44 million; I will BUY out that STUPID fish's CONTRACT, and have HIM sent to FREAKING GUANTANAMO!!!! They are ALWAYS looking for a few new inmates down THERE for SLAVE labor!!” / General Barracuda sighs, and he says: “Angelica's got NOTHING!!!! In the first place, even if I DID get locked away somewhere, I wouldn't be locked in THERE with everybody else; everybody else would be locked up with ME!!!! See how that works? And in the second place, my contract CAN'T be bought out; I have seniority! So Angelica Pickles is out of LUCK!!!! She better HOPE that NOBODY feels like singing a song ORIGINALLY performed by Heart today, or she's going to be in a lot of TROUBLE!!!!” (End Confessional) General Barracuda pulls a sitar out of the plane, he strums a few chords, and he says: “In order, the towns you will visit are as follows; Sust, Gulmit, Aliabad, Danyor, Chilas, Dasu, Pattan, Besham, Battagram, Mansehra, Abbottabad, and Haripur! And trust me; we DID our research, those are ALL real town names, so you BETTER remember them in case you ever go on Jeopardy! On your MARKS, get SET... (strikes a LOUD chord)...GO!!!!” And everyone begins riding on their horses, until they hear a FAMILIAR sound! (Beep! Beep! Ba-Beep! Beep! Beep!) Angelica yells: “COME ON!!!! How many STUPID songs could this show possibly KNOW?!!!” General Barracuda yells: “If you don't SHUT IT, I'll make YOU, and ONLY you, sing a FREAKING Justin BIEBER song!!!!” Angelica SCREAMS: “NOT THAT!!!! NOT THAT!!!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!!” General Barracuda seriously says: “Than I SUGGEST you straighten your ACT up, and RIDE right! Because THIS song, is for EVERYONE to sing!” Angelica mutters: “Just so long as it's not a song originally performed by Heart, then it's fine!” General Barracuda seriously says: “You'll HEAR what it is soon enough! A rocking song by The Eagles, to prepare you for The Long Run!!!! EMPHASIS on The Long Run!!!!” Captain Retro says: “Don't worry! I know EXACTLY what you mean, General Barracuda!” / Genre: Rock. Sub-genre: The Eagles. Song: “The Long Run.” Sung by: Cast! /

Captain Retro: “I used to hurry a lot, I used to worry a lot, I used to stay out until the break of day.” Marlene: “Oh, that didn't get it, it was high time I quit it, I just couldn't carry on that way.” Katie, to Captain Retro: “Oh, I did some damage, I know it's true. Didn't know I was so lonely, until I found you!” Skipper, to Marlene: “You can go the distance; we'll find out in the long run.” Cast: “In the long run!” Chameleon, to Dudley: “We can handle some resistance, if our love is a strong one.” Cast: “Is a strong one, in the long run.” Dudley: “People talking about us, they got nothing else to do. When it all comes down, we will still come through in the long run.” Rocko: “Ooh, I want to tell you, it's a long run.” Suzie, to Angelica: “You know, I don't understand, why you don't treat yourself better; do the crazy things that you do.” Reggie, to Angelica: “Cause all the debutantes in Houston, baby, couldn't hold a candle to you.” Sniz, about Katie: “Did you do it for love? Did you do it for money? Did you do it for spite? Did you think that you had to, honey?” Angelica: “Who is gonna make it? We'll find out in the long run!” Cast: “In the long run.” Patrick, to Pearl: “I know that we can take it, if our love is a strong one.” Cast: “Is a strong one, in the long run!” Pearl, to Patrick: “Well, we're kind of scared, but you know that we ain't shaking. Kinda bent, but we ain't breaking in the long run!” Captain Retro: “Ooh, I want to tell you, it's a long run.” Cast: “In the long run!” Katie: “Ooh, I'm going to tell you, it's a long run.” Cast: “In the long run!” (Guitar solo finish, and the epic song ends!) / The contestants and their partners begin to arrive in Sust, one by one; with Patrick and Pearl arriving first! Patrick says: “I can't believe it; we're the first ones here!” Pearl says: “Let's not waste our time here, let's find out our spice!” Patrick says: “All right! Uh, Pearl?” Pearl asks: “Yes, Patrick?” Patrick says: “Why don't YOU write down which spice we collect at each stop? Just to be on the safe side?” Pearl says: “Sure thing, Patrick! No need to take any unnecessary risks if we don't have to!” (Confessional) Patrick says: “At this point in the game, I can't afford to leave anything to chance! If I want to get to the Final Three, I will HAVE to play with a full deck! It's the only way I'll be able to get there!” / Pearl says: “All the other contestants might not have noticed, but watching Patrick's performance this season, I've SEEN him WATCH as a bunch of other contestants have fallen by the wayside! He's LEARNED from their mistakes! He's a lot more crafty than people will give him credit for!”

(End Confessional) Pearl looks at the Spice Stop, and she writes down, and says: “Here, we are collecting some nutmeg!” Patrick picks up the pouch, pays for it, and he says: “Onward, to Gulmit!” They leave, then Captain Retro and Katie arrive! Katie says: “Patrick is surprisingly FAST today, isn't he?!” Captain Retro says: “I think he's FINALLY realized his special skill; he's got a lot of STAMINA!!!! While everyone else has been FIRING on all four cylinders this whole season; Patrick has been holding BACK this entire time! The reason he wants to perform at his full potential now, is because he KNOWS this will mean the difference between losing, and WINNING up to $44.44 million!” Katie asks: “So, why are we not HURRYING to collect this spice?!” Captain Retro says: “Look, winning WOULD be nice! But it would be FAR more important to make SURE that Angelica Pickles, LOSES!!!! Besides, do you REALLY want to imagine what would HAPPEN if Angelica got a hold of $44.44 million?!” Katie shudders, and she says: “Nothing GOOD; I can tell you THAT much!” Captain Retro says: “That's why it will be up to US; to STALL Angelica for TIME!!!!” Katie asks: “What are you saying?!” Captain Retro sighs and says: “We're going to have to make the ultimate sacrifice to get Angelica Pickles out once and for all; we're going to have to play the Tigress defense! In other words, the only way to ENSURE the villain's elimination, is to eliminate ourselves WITH the villain!” Katie sighs, and she says: “I wish it didn't have to be like this!” Captain Retro says: “This is PRECISELY the way it SHOULD be! We're ORIGINAL Characters! All the other contestants, they're the REAL Nicktoons, they are the REAL stars of this show! And with the EXCEPTION of Angelica, all of them DESERVE a fair chance at WINNING this game show! We can't take that away from them!” Katie smiles, and she says: “You know, I AM worth $44 million all on my own! Get together with me, and you'll never have to worry about ANYTHING ever again!” Captain Retro says: “Let's date for a while before we decide on anything! I don't want to make a hasty decision and rush into something like I did the last time! If I go into a relationship, I want to do it the RIGHT way this time!” (Confessional) Katie says: “You got to admit, Captain Retro has matured a LOT this season! He came onto this show with NOTHING on his mind but promoting himself, and falling in love with a pretty girl! Now, he's putting the needs of everyone else, above his own; and he's not rushing into a relationship with another girl anymore. You got to admit, that takes a LOT of maturity!” / Captain Retro says: “I simply wouldn't be ABLE to call myself a superhero, if I didn't do EVERYTHING in my power, to ENSURE that Angelica Pickles DIDN'T make it to the Final Five! Angelica is FINALLY going to learn the consequences, of just what a NASTY, NAUGHTY, VILE life-style is going to GET her, and they are NOT going to be PRETTY!” (End Confessional) Angelica and Suzie arrive, and Angelica screams: “Out of my WAY, you filthy MUTT!!!! You are obstructing MY path to WINNING!!!!”

Captain Retro says: “First of all, I have an ACTUAL name; it's Matthew Muttson!!!! If you're going to THREATEN me, do it PROPERLY!!!! Second of all, you're NUTS if you think I'm going to let you get anywhere NEAR the Final Five!” Suzie says: “People have been TRYING to tell her that for THREE seasons!!!! You think that YOU'RE going to be any different?!” Captain Retro says: “Fortunately, I don't see ANY reason as to WHY you have to share Angelica's fate! Go ahead and get the spice, and finish the challenge by yourself! I'll take the heat from General Barracuda LATER!!!!” Suzie genuinely says: “Thank you; Captain Retro! You're a GOOD dog...person!!!! Angelica, you're NOT!!!!” Angelica screams: “OH, SHUT UP!!!!” Suzie grabs her nutmeg, pays for it, and takes off! Angelica asks: “Just WHAT do you hope to GAIN out of ALL of this?!” Captain Retro says: “Hopefully, YOU finally REALIZING just what a HORRIBLE person you TRULY are, and FINALLY realizing that you will NEVER get what you REALLY want in life, unless you change your AWFUL attitude!!!!” Angelica says: “I can think of SEVERAL people in history who NEVER changed their attitudes, who were VERY successful in getting what they WANTED, without EVER changing their attitudes one IOTA!!!!” Captain Retro asks: “Are you talking about Atilla the Hun; Genghis Khan; Ivan the Terrible; King George III; Napolean Bonaparte; Adolf Hitler; Joseph Stalin; Saddam Hussein; AND Osama Bin Laden?! You want to know what they ALL have in common?! They were all HORRIBLE people who committed HORRIBLE crimes against humanity; and they are all officially HATED by the majority of people ALIVE!!!!”

Angelica gasps, and she asks: “How DID you KNOW?!!!” Captain Retro gasps, and he says: “I read your AURA!!!! And if I read your AURA; that must mean that you're EVIL enough for me to use my SUPERPOWERS AGAINST you!!!!” Angelica nervously says: “There's no NEED to do that?! Can't we TALK about this RATIONALLY?! I can give you ANYTHING!!!! MONEY, POWER, FAVORS!!!! I can get MARLENE to come running BACK to YOU!!!!” Captain Retro shakes his head, and he says: “You just don't GET how REAL people actually THINK, do you, Angelica?!!! You honestly think that EVERY single person can be BOUGHT off by SOMETHING?!!!” Angelica screams: “EVERYONE has a PRICE!!!! Just name it, and I'll PAY it!!!! There's got to be SOMETHING that YOU want!!!!” Captain Retro says: “There are a LOT of things that I might want; but they ALL pale in comparison to what I NEED!!!!” Angelica asks: “WHAT?! Just WHAT could you possibly NEED?!!!” Captain Retro sighs, and he says: “Something that cannot be bought, and something that you would NEVER offer me, Angelica! Your THIRD, and FINAL elimination, that WILL occur once I give you a taste of something that has ALWAYS resulted in YOUR elimination this SEASON!!!!” / Genre: Hard Rock. Sub-genre: Heart (the band). Song: “What About Love?” Sung by: Captain Retro, Katie, Reggie, and Rocko! / Katie, to Captain Retro: “I've been lonely, I've been waiting for you! I'm pretending, and that's all I can do!” Captain Retro, to Angelica: “The love I'm sending, ain't making it through to your heart! You've been hiding, never letting it show! Always trying to keep it under control! You got it down, and you're well on the way to the top! But there's something that you forgot!” (Reggie and Rocko arrive, and sing back-up!) Captain Retro, Katie, Reggie, and Rocko: “What about love?! Don't you want someone to care about you? What about love?! Don't let it slip away! What about love?!” Reggie, to Rocko: “I only want to share it with you!” Reggie, to Angelica: “You might need it someday! I can't tell you what you're feeling inside! I can't sell you, what you don't want to buy! Something's missing, and you got to look back on your life! You know something here just ain't right!” Captain Retro, Katie, Reggie, and Rocko: “What about love?! Don't you want someone to care about you? What about love?! Don't let it slip away! What about love?!” Katie, to Captain Retro: “I only want to share it with you!” (Guitar solo!) Captain Retro, Katie, Reggie, and Rocko: “What about love?! Don't you want someone to care about you? What about love?! Don't let it slip away! What about love?!” Reggie, to Angelica: “I only want to share it with you! Oh!” Captain Retro: “LOVE!!!! What about; what about LOVE?! LOVE!!!! OH!!!! What about LOVE?! LOVE! LOVE!!!! What about; what about LOVE?!!!” / And the Epic Song Ends!!!! / Angelica claps sarcastically, and she says: “Bravo. Magnificent performance, really! Almost moved me to tears; but you're FORGETTING one CRUCIAL detail about your whole PLAN!!!!”

Captain Retro asks: “REALLY?! What would THAT be?!” Angelica screams: “It's the FINAL SIX!!!! The final SIX you FREAKING MORON!!!! I've ALREADY MADE IT!!!! I'm ALREADY HERE!!!! NOTHING BAD can POSSIBLY HAPPEN to ANGELICA FREAKING PICKLES NOW!!!! I am the most POPULAR NICKTOON EVER!! I am NOT LOSING to no STUPID MONGREL; and I'm certainly NOT LOSING to NO BRAIN-DEAD PATRICK!!!!” Captain Retro says: “Words have CONSEQUENCES, ANGELICA!!!! Bill Cosby and Harvey Weinstein found this out the HARD way, and YOU will find out the hard way to, UNLESS you REPENT!!!!” Angelica screams: “I will NEVER REPENT!!!! I don't feel SORRY for anything I've DONE!!!! I don't even BELIEVE in the thing that you call a SOUL, or KARMA, or some 'HIGHER FORCE' guiding MY every ACTION!!!! Nothing is going to stop THIS BEAUTY from getting what SHE deserves! And there is NOTHING, in the ENTIRE UNIVERSE, that could POSSIBLY happen, to de-rail my PLANS--!!!!” (KLONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!) And from out of nowhere, a GIANT Piano falls out of the sky, and LANDS directly on TOP of ANGELICA!!!! Angelica wearily screams: “Oh, COME ON!!!! How does THAT even make any SENSE?!!!” / On a distant computer somewhere, Hayden says: “YOO-HOO!!!! Look at ME!!!! I'm ordering a 44 ton Grand PIANO to be delivered to me through DRONE power!!!! YOO-HOO!!!! Look at ME!!!! I'm pushing the WRONG button!!!!” / Angelica screams: “HAYDEN!!!!” Captain Retro says: “I TOLD you so!!!!” Angelica says: “Well, I STILL have enough time to rest, recuperate, and heal, before ANYONE--!!” General Barracuda's voice comes over the communicator watches, and he says: “And it's OVER!!!! It's ALL over!!!! Patrick and Pearl got here FIRST, and they have presented ALL of the spices to me in the CORRECT order!!!!”

Captain Retro says: “They are nutmeg, Cayenne Pepper, cinnamon, cloves, Saffron, turmeric, ginger, Chili Powder, Curry Powder, Five-Spice Powder, paprika, and salt!” General Barracuda says: “They are nutmeg, Cayenne Pepper, cinnamon, cloves, Saffron, turmeric, ginger, Chili Powder, Curry Powder, Five-Spice Powder, paprika, and salt!!!!” Angelica screams: “WHAT?!!! How could they POSSIBLY get ALL the spices collected THAT FAST, and GET to Hasan Abdal SO soon?!!!” Captain Retro says: “I can actually ANSWER that one FOR you!!!! Have you FORGOTTEN about my superpower of SUPER speed?!!! As soon as I REALIZED that I could USE my superpowers AGAIN; I simply USED my super speed, to SPEED Patrick and Pearl to EACH of their locations, get them the SPICE they needed, AND get them to Hasan Abdal, ALL before we EVEN sang the song that SEALED your doom!!!!” Angelica screams: “But WHY Patrick?! Why not secure the WIN for YOURSELF?!!!” Captain Retro shakes his head, and he says: “You just STILL don't GET it, do you?! Winning isn't EVERYTHING!!!! Money is NOT the most important thing in the world to everyone, and I wanted to PROVE to YOU, that EVERYONE else is FAR more deserving to WIN this Game Show than YOU are, Angelica!!!! EVEN, a 'Brain-dead' Patrick!!!!” Angelica groans, and she sourly says: “Oh, who wants to win this STUPID game show ANYWAYS?!!! I DID!!! I DID!!!! I NEVER GET to WIN this FREAKING GAME SHOW!!!! NEVER!!!! NEVER!!!! NEVER!!!! I NEVER want to be on this STUPID game show AGAIN for as LONG as I live!!!! And GOOD LUCK getting any GOOD ratings WITHOUT me!!!!” Rocko asks: “And just HOW are YOU going to explain THIS injury to your parents?!” Angelica says: “I don't NEED to!!!!” And over-head, an evilly-powered jet appears over-head, and Snaptrap descends, holding onto a retractable rope ladder! Snaptrap says: “Angelica, your Black Knight in SHINING armor is here, to take you AWAY from all this common riff-raff!” Katie weirdly asks: “YOU, and SNAPTRAP, TOGETHER?!!!” Reggie says: “Actually, I approve!!!!” Rocko asks: “You DO?!!!” Reggie says: “If it honestly makes HER happy, why ruin HER personal happiness?!” Angelica says: “He STILL treats me far better than everyone ELSE on this show ever DID, THAT'S for sure!!!!” Captain Retro says: “It's STILL a better love story than TWILIGHT!!!!” Snaptrap grabs Angelica, and he says: “Pull us up!!!! And they get pulled back up to the plane, and Snaptrap says: “We're out of here! Later, losers!!!!” And the plane zooms away!!!! Katie sighs and says: “So much for THAT challenge!!!!” Captain Retro says: “And so much for us being in this game show. With Angelica gone, my superpowers are gone; AGAIN!!!! I can't get us back home!” Katie says: “Luckily for us, I have an alternate means of transportation!!!!”

And sure enough, a GOLDEN, PRIVATE LEER JET comes touching down close to them! Rocko simply says: “Nice jet!!!!” Katie says: “It's Solar/Wind/Clean Energy Power and all MINE, you know! We're going back to Hollywood, California in GLAMOROUS fashion!!!!” Captain Retro lovingly says: “Katie, you are OFFICIALLY wonderful!!!!” Katie picks Captain Retro up, and she says: “It's time for someone ELSE, to carry you up the plane stairs!” Captain Retro says: “I like where THIS is going! Reggie, Rocko, tell Sniz we are OFFICIALLY out of the competition! There's no need to eliminate ANYONE else today!” Rocko says: “No problem, mate! We'll see you at the FINALE!!!!” And Katie and Captain Retro board the PRIVATE LEER JET, and it takes off! / It is later, and the plane is in transit, everyone is in the Elimination Ceremony room, and Sniz is feeling a LOT better about everything! Sniz says: “Sorry about my little, 'freak-out', earlier; there were some 'things' that I had to get out of my system!” Fondue rolls his eyes, and says: “If that was a 'little' freak-out, imagine what the BIG ones must look like!” Sniz says: “Normally, this is the part where we hold an Elimination Ceremony, but thanks to Angelica Pickles LEAVING us for Snaptrap, and Captain Retro and Katie VOLUNTEERING themselves to LEAVE the game show today, this time, you ALL get a free bag of popcorn!!!!” And all the remaining contestants cheer! Sniz says: “Patrick and Pearl, you get the V.I.P. Lounge treatment this time. You deserve it!!!!” Patrick giddily says: “I WON a CHALLENGE!!!! Dreams DO come TRUE!!!!” Sniz says: “As of right now, you are ALL in the Final Five!!!! And what a Final Five it is!!!! The unlikely duo from Petropolis; Chameleon and Dudley! The soul singer with a lot of heart and soul, Suzie Carmichael! And don't worry, we'll get Otto Rocket to join with you soon enough! The come-back duo from Bikini Bottom, Patrick and Pearl! The duo who NEVER stays Eliminated; Skipper and Marlene! And representing Team Retro; Reggie and Rocko!!!!”

General Barracuda says: “Pretty exciting, all things considered!” Sniz says: “As of right now, you and your partner are guaranteed a pay-off of at LEAST $40 million in cold hard cash, but I'm SURE that you are all aiming for the $44.44 million! So prepare yourselves, because the challenges ahead, are the final ones you will have to face!” (Confessional) Chameleon and Dudley are together! Chameleon says: “That last challenge went by too quickly. But I guess it's understandable; no way we could allow ANGELICA the win!!!!” Dudley says: “I think it's really COOL what Captain Retro did for ALL of us! From one dog to another, I salute you!” / Suzie says: “Being all alone as I enter the Final Five? Tragic. But at the very least, I can now relax with the knowledge, that Angelica will NEVER be able to bother me again on this SHOW ever! I mean, she LITERALLY can't! I've legally won the right to put a RESTRAINING order on Angelica Pickles, which states that she must be kept a minimum of fifty feet AWAY from ME and Otto Rocket at all times!” / Skipper and Marlene are together! Skipper is baffled, and he says: “Patrick actually WON a challenge?! How is THAT even possible?! If we're not careful, we could wind up losing to HIM!” Marlene shrugs, and she says: “Who knows how we lost to Patrick? Besides; to be fair, we DID kind of deserve it, seeing as how I played with Captain Retro's heart earlier this season. Besides, we are GUARANTEED to win some money! Up to at LEAST $40 million! And hopefully, all the way up to $44.44 million!” / Patrick and Pearl are together! Pearl asks: “Doesn't it feel WONDERFUL to win a challenge, Patrick?!” Patrick says: “Sure does, Pearl! And now that we've WON a challenge, and I'm actually IN the Final Five now, we might as well try to win the whole thing!” Pearl asks: “Why not?! Anything is possible!” / Reggie and Rocko are together! Rocko asks: “Reggie, do you feel awkward about the whole Angelica thing?” Reggie says: “It's kind of hard NOT to! But hopefully, Snaptrap will end up being a GOOD thing for Angelica! Seeing as how he's probably going to be the only guy that ANGELICA is EVER going to get, she better be GOOD to him; he is ALL she is going to get!” Rocko gets an epiphany, and he says: “You know what kind of CHILDREN they could have together?! They could LITERALLY raise a pack of RUGRATS!!!!” Reggie laughs uncontrollably, and she says: “That was SURE clever!!!! Sorry, Angelica! I KNOW it's not funny from YOUR perspective! Totally uncool, on my part! I get urges to, you know.” (End Confessional) In the cock-pit, Sniz says: “We are now down to the Final Five! We've only got four more challenges after this! Find out where we are going to, by tuning in on the next exciting episode of Total Cartoon Global Cruise! Who will YOU root for?!” / Epilogue: A montage of Captain Retro's performance is shown, as he presents a ROCKING presentation of a hit song, by Huey Lewis and the News! /

Genre: Hard Rock. Sub-genre: Huey Lewis and the News. Song: “The Power of Love.” Sung by: Captain Retro! / Captain Retro says: “This is your retro rocking Captain; Captain Retro speaking! Presenting ALL of the great retro rocking hit songs of the past, TODAY!!!! Here's one that is very special to me, it was a #1 hit song the day I was born, August 27, 1985; here's my rocking rendition of The Power of Love, originally by Huey Lewis and the News!!!! The power of love is a curious thing, make a one man weep, make another man sing! Change a hawk to a little white dove! More than a feeling, that's the power of love! Tougher than diamonds, rich like cream! Stronger and harder than a bad girl's dream! Make a bad one good, make a wrong one right! Power of love that keeps you home at night! You don't need money, don't take fame! Don't need no credit card to ride this train! It's strong and it's sudden, and it's cruel sometimes, but it might just save your life! That's the power of love! That's the power of love! First time you feel it, it might make you sad! Next time you feel it; it might make you mad! But you'll be glad, baby, when you've found; that's the power, makes the world go around! And it don't take money, don't take fame! Don't need no credit card to ride this train! It's strong and it's sudden; it can be cruel sometimes! But it might just save your life! They say that all in love is fair! Yeah, but you don't care! But you'll know what to do! Do! When it gets hold of you; and with a little help from above! You feel the power of love! You feel the power of love! Can you feel it?! Hmm! (Guitar solo) It don't take money, and it don't take fame! Don't need no credit card to ride this train! Tougher than diamonds and stronger than steel! You won't feel nothing until you feel! You feel the power, just feel the power of love! That's the power, that's the power of love! You feel the power of love! You feel the power of love! Feel the power of love!” / And the epic song ends! /

 

Episode Notes: The Final Six all get partners for the rest of the game. Angelica returns, trying to take the place of Otto Rocket, only to get ELIMINATED for the THIRD and FINAL time in the very SAME episode! It's revealed that she's now in a relationship with fellow villain, Verminious J. Snaptrap. Captain Retro, and Katie, the Girl from Ipanema, now officially enter into relationship status with this episode, the fact of which does NOT make Sniz happy! Featured songs in this episode: “Don't Stop; The Girl is Mine; The Long Run” (also the episode title); “What About Love?”; and “The Power of Love.” Angelica's curse this season (where after hearing a song originally performed by Heart, something BAD happens to her), proves to be alive and well, as Angelica Pickles is inexplicably HIT by a falling Grand Piano, which causes her elimination! Dudley, Marlene, Pearl, and Rocko return for the rest of the game, or until they are eliminated; whichever comes first! Captain Retro and Katie volunteer themselves for elimination with this episode. /

 

Personal Notes: I probably COULD'VE made this episode longer if I WANTED to; but I'm really eager to finish this season, and I feel as though I've said everything I wanted to say with Captain Retro. In a way, Captain Retro was sort of a built-in cheat sheet for this season! I didn't want to write myself, or any of the characters into a corner this season; which is why I decided to insert my own Original Character (or, for the more practical, my own alter-ego persona); so that he would be able to get all the other characters out of any tight spots that would otherwise be too hard to get out of. Admittedly, one of the toughest things for me to come to grips with this season; is just because this show is my own take on the “Total Drama” cartoon series, and Captain Retro is my own creation, NOT everybody wants the “Total Cartoon” series to be ALL about me, nor do they want to see me interfere with the established canon relationships of anyone else. In a way, this season came with the unexpected benefit, of me having to rise above my own ego, and do what is in the best interest for this show, and not what would interest ME the most! In a way, perhaps this exercise HAS been a good thing for me. It taught me how to rise above my own ego and self-interests, and to become a better writer in the process! Hopefully, now that the competition is down to just canon characters, the final few episodes this season will be a much smoother writing and reading process! /

That's my episode idea THIS time!  Enough said, true believers!

[JCM]

Xat Time Travelers Season 3 Episode 27

Virginia (1966)

(John Brennan wakes up in an interrogation room. CDCB, CF, Trophy, and the lab technician are sitting with him.)

Brennan: W-where am I? When am I?

Lab technician: Just take it easy, John.

Brennan: How am I supposed to "take it easy", Edgar? I feel like a stranger in my own building!

CF: We're all as confused as you are.

Brennan: Shut up, traitor! You’re the last person I want to be consoled by! 

CDCB: The only reason we betrayed you is because you were going to shut down Xat!

Brennan: Why do you care about that “Xat” so much, anyway? 

CDCB: It has…sentimental value for us. 

Brennan: What? You know what, I don’t even give a shit. As soon as we get back, I’m throwing all of you in federal prison! 

Voice: I’m afraid that isn’t your decision to make. 

(Brennan turns around to find that the voice belongs to Richard Helms, who has just walked into the interrogation room.) 

Brennan: Director Helms! 

Helms: Glad to see you’re conscious again. Now tell me: how did you get into CIA headquarters with a weapon? 

Brennan: I know you won’t believe me, but I’m the director of the CIA in the future. Some freak accident sent us back in time! 

Helms: You’re right. I don’t believe you. (scratches chin) The only logical explanation is that there’s a mole. Until you tell me who the mole is, you and your friends will stay in here. For days, if need be. 

CF: But he’s telling the truth! 

(Helms walks out and locks the door behind him. Brennan slams his fist on the table he and the others are sitting around.) 

Brennan: Goddamn it! How are we supposed to get out of here? 

Trophy: I have an idea. 

Brennan: Like I’ll listen to a kid! 

Edgar: At least give him a shot. 

Trophy: Unless you have something better. 

Brennan: (grumbles) Fine. 

(A few hours later, Helms walks back into the room, and everybody’s missing.) 

Helms: What the? 

(CDCB jumps out of a nearby corner and hits Helms over the back of the head with a chair, knocking him out. He then feels through Helms’ pockets until he finds a set of keys.) 

CDCB: Alright, let’s go! 

(Everybody else comes out of hiding and follows CDCB out of the interrogation room.) 

Brennan: It concerns me how easy this was. 

(An officer spots them.) 

Officer: Hey! 

(The officer pulls out a gun, but CF does a cartwheel to knock him out.) 

CF: Thank you, training. 

(More officers start appearing, so Brennan, Edgar, CDCB, CF, and Trophy run towards the exit, trying desperately to avoid the officers’ shots. One of the shots hit Trophy in the leg just as he reaches the exit, causing CDCB to drag him out the door as he screams in pain.) 

Trophy: Those assholes shot me! 

CDCB: Don’t worry! I’ll get you cleaned up before we hightail it! 

(CDCB throws Trophy over his back as he and Edgar run to one of the vans outside the building. Meanwhile, CF and Brennan hold the exit door shut as bullets fly out of it.) 

Brennan: Hurry up before I lose a hand! 

(Once CDCB reaches the van, he starts trying Helms’ keys out one by one. He manages to unlock the van on the third try.) 

CDCB: Alright, it’s open! 

(CF and Brennan let go of the exit door and head towards the van as officers run out of the door and shoot at them. As soon as they’re safely in the van, CDCB drives away with them.) 

Brennan: I can’t believe I’m running from my own agency! 

CF: It won’t be your agency for another 50 years. 

(Trophy, who is in the backseat with them, stares at his wounded leg, which CDCB wrapped his jacket around.) 

Brennan: Where do we go now? 

CDCB: Far away from here. 

Edgar: Can I make a suggestion? 

CDCB: Sure. 

Edgar: There's someone I know who works for MIT. He might help us figure out how we got here and how we can get back. 

(Brennan mutters in disapproval.) 

CDCB: Do you have something to say, Director Brennan? 

Brennan: No, carry on. 

(CDCB speeds the van up as he turns onto the highway.) 

Virginia (2016) 

(JCM walks into CIA headquarters to find agents running around in panic.) 

JCM: Uh, is this a bad time? 

Agent: Director Brennan is missing! 

JCM: (surprised) What? Then who do I report to? 

Agent: David Cohen, for now. 

(The agent points to Cohen's office. JCM enters the office to find Cohen on the phone.) 

Cohen: Yes, I know, Mr. President. I'm aware that it's a shitshow, Mr. President. 

(Cohen hangs up the phone and sighs.) 

Cohen: Who are you? 

JCM: The new lab intern. 

Cohen: Well, the head lab technician disappeared with Mr. Brennan, so I'm not sure if you want to start now. 

JCM: Well, it sounds like you'll need another lab tech, doesn't it? 

Cohen: (chuckles) I like the way to think. The lab's down the hall, if you want to start getting to know the other techs. 

(JCM walks into the lab, where techs are busily tapping away at their computers.) 

JCM: Hey, guys. What's up? 

Tech 1: Well, well, well. If it isn't the new intern. 

Tech 2: Should we haze him? 

(JCM gulps.)

Tech 1: (laughs) We're just messin' with ya!

(JCM sits next to the tech and reads what's on his screen.)

JCM: Are you trying to hack into a network?

Tech 1: Yeah, but Edgar's better at this stuff than any of us.

Tech 2: It sucks because this network is being used by some pretty nasty terrorists. Edgar was so close to getting into it, but then poof, he was gone.

JCM: Let me try.

(JCM spends several minutes typing code into the tech's computer. After executing the code, he waits several more minutes for a pop-up confirming the code's success.)

JCM: There. We're in.

Tech 1: What the hell?

Tech 2: This kid's a prodigy!

Tech 1: Mind if you help us out with something else?

JCM: Sure.

(Later that day, JCM heads to the restroom as Hayden walks out of it, escorted by officers.)

JCM: Hayden?

Hayden: JCM?

JCM: Did those officers watch you pee?

Hayden: Really? That's the first thing you choose to say to me?

JCM: It's the first thing that came to mind.

Officer: How about you move out of the way, son?

JCM: You totally watched him pee, didn't you?

Officer: (annoyed) Move out of the way before I shoot you.

(JCM moves out of the way as the officers take him to his interrogation room.)

JCM: (whispering) They totally watched him pee.

(The officers push Hayden into the interrogation room, where Agent Grimes is waiting for him.)

Grimes: Now that you've had your bathroom break, I'm going to ask you again: where are Brennan and the fugitives?

Hayden: I don't know.

Grimes: Wrong answer.

(Grimes punches Hayden in the face.)

Grimes: Whoo! I haven't gotten to do that for a long time!

(Hayden wipes away the blood coming from his nose.)

Hayden: You think I'm scared of you? Because I'm not.

Grimes: I'm sure a few more blows will fix that.

(Just as Grimes is about to land another punch, someone pulls his hand back. Grimes turns around to find out it's David Cohen.)

Cohen: That's enough.

Grimes: You said I could do this my way.

Cohen: I changed my mind. Go outside. Get a breath of fresh air.

(Grimes grumbles as he leaves the interrogation room. Cohen sighs and follows him out, leaving Hayden sitting in the room alone.)

xat.com/sbcommunity

(ding dong)

 Omair: cha <3

 Cha: hey guys

 hilaryfan80: Glad to see you back on Xat

 Cha: thanks

 Cha: srry for getting you demoted again

 hilaryfan80: Nah, it's fine

 hilaryfan80: Besides

 hilaryfan80: We still have Bubby Buddy 

 hilaryfan80: WHAT TEAM

 Bubble Buddy: WILDCATS

 hilaryfan80: WHAT TEAM

 Bubble Buddy: WILDCATS

 hilaryfan80: WILDCATS

 Bubble Buddy: GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME

 hilaryfan80: I'll never stop loving that

 Cha: Abney's still upset about ISB, though

 Cha: And more of our members are flocking to it

 jjs: Yeah, we're starting to lose members to it, too

 jjs: I don't see the point in it myself

(ding dong)

 Bubble Buddy has made PoofieGook a member

 jjs: who you

PoofieGook: a

PoofieGook: asdf

PoofieGook: asdfghjkl;

 jjs has banned PoofieGook forever

 jjs: wtf

 hilaryfan80: Look what he just changed his name to

 hilaryfan80: ISBRULEZ

 SOF: ew isb

 jjs: SOF knows what's going on

[JCM]

Double Feature!

Xat Time Travelers Season 3 Episode 37

New York (2016)

(Hayden and Abney are lying in a warehouse, their arms and legs tied together with rope. CF's father walks into the warehouse with a baseball bat.)

CF's father: I'm going to ask you this, and I'm going to ask you this once. Where is my daughter?

Hayden: I don't know.

CF's father: Wrong answer.

(CF's father starts beating Hayden and Abney with the bat as his top associate, standing beside the warehouse exit, watches him. A few minutes later, CF's father walks to the exit with his now-bloody baseball bat.)

CF's father: You can watch those two while I'm gone, right?

(The associate nods, trying his best not to make eye contact with Hayden or Abney. CF's father leaves the warehouse.)

Abney: You can't be okay with what he's doing. You know Hayden's innocent.

Hayden: Yeah, if I knew where that guy's daughter was, don't you think I would told him by now?

Associate: It doesn't matter what I think. I have a job to do.

Hayden: The Nazis had a job to do, too, when they did...bad...Nazi...shit.

Associate: Thank you for that refresher on German history. I'm still not letting you go.

Abney: Come on, have a heart.

Associate: In my line of work, a heart isn't something you can afford to have.

Abney: You can always afford to have a heart.

Associate: You're a big time lawyer. You don't know what it's like to struggle to feed your family. Don't you tell me what I can afford to do, or I'll make what my boss did to you seem like playful exercise!

Abney: Okay, you win. Let that madman kill us. It'll be on your conscience.

Associate: That's a risk I'm willing to take.

(7/10/16)

Texas (2016)

(JCM limps into a skating rink, where SG and ssj are already waiting for him.)

SG: You didn't have to come all the way out here. I would have understood if you wanted to get more rest.

JCM: Trust me, the last thing I need is more time with my thoughts.

ssj: I assume you won't be skating.

JCM: Even if my leg wasn't messed up, I wouldn't let y'all see me skate. I have a very low threshold for embarrassment.

SG: So, what did you want to talk about?

JCM: Did you ever wonder what it would be like to run Xat...all of Xat?

SG: Isn't Xat run by aliens?

JCM: I see you've been reading the government propaganda. Xat technically isn't being run by anybody right now. The server is in the middle of the desert, and it's being protected by the giant bird that did this to my leg.

ssj: And what, you want to face that bird again?

JCM: I have to. If I don't get the server back, the CIA will, and they'll destroy it. I don't know who else Cohen gave the coordinates to.

SG: Cohen?

JCM: The CIA director, and my boss. Well, he was my boss. He isn't much of anything right now.

SG: He's dead?

JCM: Yeah. The bird killed him.

ssj: And again, you want to face it again?

JCM: I'll be prepared this time.

ssj: You have one good leg.

JCM: Never said it would be easy.

SG: You have to let us help you.

JCM: (smiles) I was hoping you'd say that.

(JCM takes a folded piece of paper out of his pocket, then he unfolds it.)

JCM: Here's the plan...

Texas (1966)

(Campbell, CDCB, CF, Trophy, Brennan, and Edgar stop at a malt shop in Texas.)

CF: This place looks familiar.

(A waitress walks up to them.)

Waitress: Good morning, everybody. What will you all be having?

CF: She looks exactly like the waitress in that coffee shop we went to. (look around) Wait, this is that coffee shop we went to!

CDCB: Or will go to.

CF: Yeah, whatever. This must mean we're close! (to the waitress) We'll all have vanilla milkshakes.

Brennan: Can i get strawberry?

CF: Strawberry for him.

Waitress: I'll get your orders to you right quick!

(The waitress goes into the kitchen.)

Brennan: Do you guys actually know how we'll return to present even when we find the server?

CDCB: The server sent us here. It must be the key to getting back.

Brennan: What caused the server to send us here, anyway? And why did it send three of the fugitives and not the other one, even though he was in the same room?

Edgar: I've been thinking about that, and I have a theory. The server forms a psychological link with people who touch it or spend a certain amount of time looking at the hologram that emits from it. It then uses the excess energy from our bodies to power itself. It usually isn't noticeable, but when there's a glitch in the system, you get a situation like the one we're currently in.

Trophy: What would cause that glitch, though?

CF: (thinks) Lightning!

Brennan: Lightning? What is this, Back to the Future?

CF: Kind of, yeah.

Edgar: I could see that alien gadget's malfunction being caused by lightning, even though such an occurrence is so statistically improbable I shouldn't even consider it. Still, I've dealt with a lot of statistical improbabilities lately.

Brennan: So, what are we going to do? Create a rig like Doc Brown's and connect it to the alien device?

Edgar: We'll have to find the alien device first, and like I said, this is all theory. Such a rig could send us back to the present, or it could fry the alien device and leave us trapped here forever.

Trophy: That's nice to know.

Edgar: Just being honest.

Campbell: Well, I trust your judgment. Any mind that's learned from me is a mind that knows its shit, pardon the language.

Brennan: No, you're fine. I've said worse things in traffic.

(The waitress returns with five vanilla milkshakes and one strawberry milkshake on a platter. Everybody grabs a milkshake.)

Brennan: So, do you remember how to get to the device from here?

CF: I think so. I've made the trip enough times that I should remember by now.

Campbell: Then you'll lead the way. (takes a sip from his milkshake) Hey, these aren't bad.

CDCB: Yeah, I wish they kept selling milkshakes here instead of becoming a coffee shop.

CF: Let's not get ahead of ourselves. The coffee is what kept me sane during that year I had to live with you guys.

Trophy: Hey, that offends me!

CDCB: Not me. I've learned to proudly embrace my flaws. (burps) Including indigestion.

Trophy: You're like a real-life Carl Wheezer.

CDCB: I take that as a compliment.

Brennan: I'm beginning to seriously consider leaving you two here.

Trophy: Doesn't faze me. Just increases my chance of meeting Wilt.

CDCB: The basketball player, right?

Trophy: (rolls eyes) Yes, the basketball player.

CDCB: Dope. (burps) Sorry. Blame the stomach.

Trophy: I blame you.

Virginia (2016)

(Loretta Lynch walks into CIA headquarters. The first thing she notices is Agent Grimes leaving an interrogation room.)

Lynch: Hey, you! Do you know where your director is?

Grimes: No idea. Haven't heard from him since he left for Texas.

Lynch: He isn't answering his cell phone. I'm getting worried.

Grimes: I'm sure he'll be back soon enough.

Lynch: "Soon enough" isn't soon enough! The fugitive never returned home! Nobody knows where he is!

Grimes: The fugitive? I same fugitive I beat to a pulp a couple days ago?

Lynch: Do me a favor and never repeat that to anybody.

Grimes: Noted.

Lynch: The president says that if Cohen isn't back by the end of the day, we're both fired! This is the shitstorm to end all shitstorms!

Grimes: Well, if he comes back, I'll make sure to let you know.

Lynch: Great. Here's my number.

(Lynch writes her number on a sticky note and gives it to Grimes.)

Grimes: (pockets the note) And if you want, I can take you out to dinner sometime.

Lynch: I eat men like you for breakfast.

Grimes: (shudders) Noted again.

Texas (2016)

(SG is driving Cohen's car through the desert. ssj in in the passenger seat, and JCM is in the backseat.)

SG: Does Cohen own this car?

JCM: No. He rented it after we flew here.in one of the government jets. Working for the CIA has its perks.

SG: Well, I doubt the company you rented it from will take it back in this state.

JCM: I couldn't care less. I just want to find that server.

SG: I think I found it.

(SG stops the car in front of the area of the desert covered in black sand. They see Cohen's decaying body nearby.)

ssj: Jesus Christ.

JCM: I wish I could have helped him. I know he wanted to destroy the server, but nobody deserves to die like that.

ssj: I get the feeling we're next.

JCM: We won't be if you follow my instructions. SG, you got the shovel?

(SG takes a shovel out of the trunk.)

SG: Got it.

ssj: Why didn't that Cohen fellow use a shovel?

JCM: You know how men in high positions are. They always like to show off. In this case, it turned out to be his downfall.

(SG gives JCM the shovel, and they walk to the middle of the black sand, where JCM starts shoveling.)

JCM: Remember, as soon as the alien appears, you get to a safe distance and take anything I throw at you.

SG: Got it.

(JCM shovels for several minutes and gets far deeper into the sand than Cohen got, but the alien is nowhere to found. Suddenly, the alien pops out of another area of the sand and jumps on SG.)

JCM: SG!

---

Xat Time Travelers Season 3 Episode 38

Texas (2016)

(JCM runs towards SG and the alien and uses his shovel to pry them apart. The alien screeches and grabs JCM. JCM spins around and throws the alien into the hole he dug.)

JCM: You okay?

SG: Yeah, I just got a few scratches.

JCM: Good.

(The alien jumps back out of the hole and lunges towards JCM and SG. JCM hits the alien as hard as he can on the head with the shovel, knocking it out.)

JCM: Those months of working out are finally paying off.

SG: You work out?

JCM: Well, I do pushups...sometimes.

(ssj pulls up beside them in the car.)

ssj: You two can flirt later. Find that server before whatever that thing is wakes up.

(JCM turns the alien over but doesn't find the device anywhere on it. He looks into the spot the alien jumped out of but doesn't find the device there, either.)

JCM: I wish I brought a metal detector.

SG: You think it's any deeper in that hole you made?

ssj: That's what she said.

JCM: Go home, ssj. You're drunk.

ssj: If I was drunk, could I do this?

(ssj does a doughnut with the car, blowing sand everywhere.)

JCM: (coughs) Dang it, ssj! That car is rented!

ssj: The car is damaged goods, anyway.

SG: (takes out inhaler) You didn't have to upset my allergies, though.

ssj: You'll live.

JCM: Anyway, if I make that hole any deeper, I'll reach the center of the Earth. It isn't down there.

SG: So, what do we do now?

JCM: We get out of here and come back with a metal detector.

ssj: I'd recommend you get a gun, too, if you're gonna leave that thing alive.

JCM: I can handle it.

(JCM and SG get back into the car, and they drive off. Minutes later, the alien wakes up, screeches, and jumps into the hole JCM dug.)

New York (2016)

(Abney and Hayden are sleeping in the warehouse when a large hand shakes both of them awake.)

Abney: Huh?

Associate: I thought about what you said yesterday, and goddamn it, you were right.

Abney: So you're letting us go?

Associate: Yeah. Between you and me, the boss has gotten more paranoid, more unstable lately. He knows the cops are closing in on our operations, and this shit with his daughter has just pushed him over the edge.

(CF's father appears behind the associate with a knife to his throat.)

CF's father: Really?

Associate: B-boss!

CF's father: You know, you've always been my favorite, which is why I really hoped you would pass this test.

Associate: Test? You've been standing outside...for hours?

CF's father: Yes, and right when I was feeling good enough about your loyalty to leave you alone with them, you went and pulled this shit.

Associate: Please...I have a family.

CF's father: I had a family, too.

(CF's father cuts the associate's neck and throws him to the floor right in front of Hayden and Abney, who watch in silent horror as he bleeds to death.)

CF's father: Guess I'll be watching you two for the rest of the night!

(CF's father grabs a chair and sits on it.)

CF's father: Don't look so glum! This is a great opportunity for us to get to know each other better!

(A pool of blood starts to develop around the associate's head.)

CF's father: Let's talk about our love lives! You start, lawyer! I'm sure there's tons of bitches trying to get into those $300 pants of yours!

Abney: I...don't have much of a love life. Been too busy with work.

CF's father: Work? I have the hardest job in America, but I still set aside time for smashing! What you need in your life is balance. What about you, fugitive?

Hayden: The only girl I've been in contact with for the past year is your daughter.

CF's father: (laughs) Well, if all you want is my blessing, I'll be happy to give it to you...as soon as you tell me where she is.

Hayden: I already told you. I don't know.

CF's father: (stands up) You know, I thought we were at a place where we could trust each other.

(CF's father walks to the associate, who is still breathing heavily, and stomps on his back until the breathing stops, making the pool of blood larger.)

CF's father: Trust...something I may never feel again.

(CF's father walks towards the exit.)

CF's father: You two don't need a guard. I'm just gonna lock this door. Make sure you think about what I said tonight, especially you, lawyer. You're not gonna come out of this warehouse alive, but I'm gonna make sure you die a better person.

(Abney cries.)

CF's father: Good...let it all out.

(CF's father leaves the warehouse. Abney continues crying until he falls asleep, and he's woken up about an hour later by a ringtone.)

Abney: What the?

(Abney uses his tied-together legs to kick Hayden awake.)

Hayden: Not now, mother.

Abney: Hayden? Do you hear that?

Hayden: Yeah, it's a shitty ringtone.

Abney: Both of our phones got confiscated before we were thrown in here, so where do you think that ringtone is coming from?

(Hayden notices a bulge in the dead associate's pocket.)

Hayden: (imitating Southern belle) Oh my, oh my! Is that a cell phone in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Abney: Hayden, he's dead. Don't make jokes like that.

Hayden: Sorry.

Abney: But yes, that is a cell phone in his pocket, and it's the cell phone that's going to save our lives.

Hayden: At least we know what side of the family CF didn't get her intelligence from.

Virginia (2016)

(Agent Grimes is sitting in Cohen's office, pretending to answer a phone call.)

Grimes: Hello! Director Grimes here. How may I help you?

(Grimes opens a folder sitting on the desk, and inside of it, he finds pages of handwritten text signed by none other than Richard Helms.)

Grimes: This looks interesting.

(Grimes puts the folder in his laptop bag and leaves the office.)

Texas (1966)

(Campbell, CDCB, CF, Trophy, Brennan, and Edgar drive through the desert, and Edgar notices a black patch of sand.)

Edgar: Ever see that before?

CF: No, but it's definitely worth investigating.

(CF walks out of the car and starts digging through the black sand. A few minutes later, she finds the alien device.)

CF: Here it is!

(CF presses a button on the alien device to make a hologram appear. There's nothing in the hoiogram, however, and when CF touches it, it shocks her.)

CF: Ouch!

(As CF puts her finger in her mouth, the others join her.)

CDCB: What's wrong with it?

CF: It's acting up. Probably a side effect of the time travel.

Trophy: Do you think it can still get us home?

Brennan: It better! I didn't spend a day in that smelly car for nothing!

Campbell: Hey, that's my car!

Brennan: And it smells.

Campbell: If you do end up stuck in this time period, don't expect a ride back!

Edgar: Come on, guys. We're so close. This is no time to argue.

Trophy: There's always time to argue! You're a Redskins fan, right, CD?

CDCB: Yeah.

Brennan: Whoa, what's wrong with the Redskins?

Trophy: Besides the name?

Brennan: I'd rather have our name and three championships than be a fan of the Eagles and have how many championships, exactly?

Trophy: Edgar's right. We shouldn't argue.

Edgar: Guys...

Brennan: No way, you're not backing out of this now!

Edgar: Guys! Look in the sky! What do you see?

CF: (looks up) Storm clouds!

Campbell: Shit! We don't have any time to build a rig!

Edgar: Maybe what you brought along is all the rig we need.

(Campbell opens his trunk, and everybody starts taking out guns.)

Edgar: The steel these guns are made of conduct electricity, meaning they'll attract whatever lightning strikes happen nearby.

(Edgar and the others build a tower out of the guns and put the alien device on top of it.)

Edgar: Fingers crossed.

Brennan: (to Campbell) Hey, before we go, I'm sorry for calling your car smelly. I do appreciate everything you did for us.

Campbell: Thanks. By the way, what's the problem with the Redskins' name?

Brennan: You'll understand in 50 years.

Campbell: Oh. (whispers) Is it the colored folks?

Brennan: Okay, goodbye!

(A lightning bolt is seen in the distance. Seconds later, lightning strikes the alien device, causing it to short circuit and causing it, CDCB, CF, Trophy, Brennan, and Edgar to disappear.)

Campbell: My God! It worked!

(Campbell dances around the tower of guns.)

Campbell: It worked! It worked! My years of temporal studies have finally paid off! Yes!

Virginia (2016)

(Grimes is alone in his apartment, reading the note he took from Cohen's office.)

Grimes: "Hello. My name is Richard Helms, and I was the Deputy Director of Central Intelligence when we made our first contact with alien life. Our director, William Raborn, wanted to establish peace between us and this extraterrestrial species, but our president, Lyndon B. Johnson, didn't believe that they were true aliens, believing instead that they were well-disguised plants of the Soviet Union sent here to spy on us. He ordered us to interrogate them, using any means necessary to extract information about their communist ties.

"Raborn quit several months into the interrogation, no longer having the heart to see the aliens treated the way they were. After appointing me Director of Central Intelligence, Johnson gave me the choice to continue the interrogations or let the aliens go. I chose to continue the interrogations, not only to demonstrate my loyalty to the president, but because I knew our chances of peace with the alien species were gone at this point. However, just over a week later, something happened that changed my mind. People randomly appeared in our headquarters with weapons, and I realized we bad a mole in the Central Intelligence Agency.

"I wanted to dedicate all of our manpower to finding the mole, so with Johnson's permission, I worked out an agreement with the aliens where I'd let them return to where they came from if they left somebody behind for us to dissect and analyze. I figured since they wouldn't be returning home with peace on their minds, we might as well learn everything we can about them so that we'd be prepared for the inevitable counterattack. I didn't realize that the counterattack would happen within our own walls, however.

"During the night of our first experiments, the alien developed amazing abilities and slaughtered every agent in the building. I called the president about it, and he ordered me not to say anything about the night's events to anybody. He wanted me to send flowers to the families of the deceased and track the alien down before it could kill anybody else. I was able to get one of those two things done, but I was never able to find the alien. Since President Nixon is suggesting to me that my days at the CIA are numbered, I probably never will, and if I couldn't find it with six years and all of the resources of the CIA at my disposal, nobody probably will. My only hope is that nobody else dies as a result of my failure to catch that alien. —Richard Helms"

(Grimes closes the folder and reflects on the things he's read for a moment.)

Grimes: If I showed this to The Washington Post, I'd make millions, but leaking classified documents is illegal and goes against my oath as a CIA agent.

(Grimes thinks for another moment and smiles.)

Grimes: But I don't care.

[JCM]

Xat Time Travelers Season 3 Episode 39

Virginia (1966)

(The alien is in the middle of a forest, chewing on a dead squirrel, when it hears the voice of the alien leader in its head.)

Leader: Hello, Citizen 3044 of Sector 19. How are you doing today?

Alien: How do you think I'm doing? I'm stuck on this planet with people who want to kill me!

Leader: I understand, and I sympathize with you, but you'll have to remain on that planet until we're prepared to launch a full-scale invasion to bring you back and subjugate the creatures who wronged us.

Alien: How long will that take?

Leader: I do not know, but I want you to know that we haven't forgotten you. I haven't forgotten you.

Alien: What if I die before you come?

Leader: Then I'll make sure your name goes down as one of our planet's greatest heroes.

(The alien throws the dead squirrel into a bush, no longer feeling hungry.)

Leader: I sense your frustration, and I'm frustrated myself. These people are stronger than I ever expected them to be, which is why we have to be as well-prepared as possible. If only there was a way to learn about them, without unnecessarily putting you at risk.

Alien: Do you know if these people are connected?

Leader: There are no mental connections for me to penetrate, but they seem to be forming connections through technology. Once those connections are sophisticated enough, I may be able to use them to get the information I need.

Alien: How do you know that those connections will ever become sophisticated enough for us to use?

Leader: If those creatures are as smart as I believe them to be, those connections will become sophisticated enough, no more than ten Earth years from now.

Alien: Are you sure about that?

Leader: Yes, I'm relatively sure. I've conquered many planets. You can trust me.

Alien: I do.

Virginia (1996)

(The alien is showering in a stream when it hears the leader's voice in its head again.)

Leader: The connections are finally strong enough.

Alien: Finally. You told me it would take ten years, and it took 30 years.

Leader: I apologize for misleading you, but don't worry. We're already starting to build technology compatible to theirs, and once it's ready, we'll be able to gather all of the information we need about the planet and its lifeforms.

Alien: How exactly are you going to do that?

Leader: We'll build a virtual box, through which the planet's creatures will be able to communicate with one another.

Alien: A box?

Leader: Yes, and everything said on that box will return to the mothership for us to analyze.

Alien: Couldn't you have found ways to study their conversations that didn't take you 30 years?

Leader: Our options are limited being so far away from them, and even with the box, we'll need a presence on the planet to make sure the box is using the connections correctly and that the creatures of your planet are using the box correctly. That's where you come in.

Alien: What do you want me to do?

Leader: I need you to find a way to access your planet's connections. Then, use those connections to find a creature we can use as our proxy.

Alien: As you wish, leader.

(That night, the alien is walking down a street when it notices a box for a Windows 95 computer sitting outside of a house. The alien reads the box, which says, among other things, "Connect to people all over the world with a free month of AOL!" The alien breaks into the house through a window and hears screams from one of the rooms. A man and his fiance walk out of the room, and the alien immediately kills them both. The alien then finds a computer in one of the rooms and turns the computer on. It clicks the AOL icon, and a few seconds later, this screen pops up:

The alien clicks "Internet Connection", and this screen pops up next:

The alien spends the rest of the night browsing everything on that screen until it comes upon a message board post written by someone from the UK offering free website building services.

London (1997)

(The alien sneaks out of a cargo ship, holding a piece of paper with an address scribbled on it. Once the alien reaches the house located at that address, it knocks on the house's door, and a man wearing glasses opens it.)

Man: Wow, you said you had a condition, but I didn't realize it was that bad. Come on in.

(The alien walks into the house, and the man closes the door behind it.)

Man: As you know, my name is Christopher, and I've been interested in computers almost as long as I've been alive. Most people in my position are making millions of dollars in startups or whatever, but I only want to use my abilities to help other people/

(The alien points to Christopher's computer.)

Christopher: Yes, the website. I'll bring it up right now.

(Christopher opens Netscape on his computer, types "www.xat.com" into the address bar, and presses Enter on his keyboard. A site with a black background and a small white text box in the middle pops up. Christopher types "Hello World!" into the text box, and when he presses Enter again, the text "Admin: Hello World!" appears above the text box.)

Christopher: There you go! If there's anything else you need, just let me know.

(The alien nods and leaves the house. Later that day, Christoper checks the website again, and he sees another line of text under his, saying "Leader: You'll be saying Goodbye to your World soon enough".)

Arkansas (2015)

(Sam Ballmer sits at his computer, which has a sticky note attached to the side with the words "Hayden" and "Trophy" on it.)

Ballmer: Finally.

 Chief: Finally.
 
 Chief: In just a few minutes, I'll be able to cement my place in history.
 
 Hayden: I can assure you, you're wasting your time.
 
 Trophy: yeah, just leave
 
 Trophy: before you humiliate yourself
 
 Chief: It's amusing to see how desperate you are.
 
 Chief: I'll miss you.
 
 Chief: I really will.
 
 Hayden: the feeling's not mutual

(Suddenly, an alien breaks through Ballmer's window.)

 Chief: OH GOD
 
 Trophy: what

(The alien pokes Baller's eyes out with its beak.)

 Chief: ASDFGHJKKKK
 
 Hayden: did chief just experience his first orgasm

(Ballmer falls out of his chair, screaming, and the alien sits in Ballmer's place.)

 Chief: Chief is no more.
 
 Trophy: then who's speaking?
 
 Chief: You know who is speaking.
 
 CNF: welp American Dad's last episode on FOX is on
 
 Chief: You'll hear from us again.

 CNF: lmfao the continuation of the Golden Turd arc

(The alien picks up the bleeding, screaming Ballmer, grabs some knives from his kitchen, and walks outside with him.)

 Trophy: the aliens just killed chief
 
 jjs: holy crap
 
 Hayden: old jjs said it best

Virginia (2015)

(A month after killing Sam Ballmer, the alien is back in the forest. It hears the leader's voice in its head again.)

Leader: I know you haven't heard from me in a while, but I want you to know that I still haven't forgotten you.

Alien: Leader, y-you're still alive?

Leader: Don't call me Leader anymore. The only thing I've led was our species to ruination. And I won't be alive for much longer. I'm on the way to Pennsylvania to shoot the kid responsible for derailing my invasion. After that, I'll most likely shoot myself.

Alien: Please, don't do this. Everybody else on our planet may have turned against you, but I'm still loyal to you, and you'll always be my leader.

Leader: Thanks. That means a lot to me. Perhaps I'll change my mind about killing myself. Perhaps I'll postpone it until after I kill that kid's friend and our former proxy. I don't know yet. If I do commit suicide, however, I'll make sure to send you a signal from my chip first so you know to come and retrieve it.

Alien: I hope it's a signal I never get.

Leader: Goodbye, Citizen 3044 of Sector 19. Goodbye, for most likely the last time.

(The alien does a sign of respect with one of its talons.)

Alien: Goodbye, leader.

Virginia (2016)

(The alien gets a signal from the alien device as lightning strikes it in Texas. Thinking the signal was sent to him from the leader, the alien starts running towards it.)

Alien: He did it. He finally did it. All I can hope for now is that I reach the chip in time.

(6/15/17)

xat.com/thesbcommunity

 JCM: man, it's been almost a year since trophy vanished

 jjs: Yeah :/

 Katniss: I wish it was hayden who vanished instead

 Hayden: you do know I can read everything you say about me, right?

 Katniss: yeah I know

(ding dong)

 jjs: Holy shit

 jjs: It's Trophy

[JCM]

Xat Time Travelers Season 3 Episode 40

 Trophy: so glad I remembered my xat password

 JCM: where the crap have you been the past year?

 Trophy: I'll tell you all of that in private later

 Trophy: I'm just glad to see you all again

 JCM: we're glad to see you, too, troph

 Hayden: wait a minute

 Hayden: how do we know that this is the real trophy?

 Trophy: hello to you too hayden

 hilaryfan80: I can confirm it's Trophy

 hilaryfan80: He's on my friends list, and I only add SBC members to my friends list when I know it's them

 hilaryfan80: Ask JCM

 hilaryfan80: I saved him from getting banned once

 JCM: it's true

 SOF: wb troph

 Hayden: well

 Hayden: if it is you

 Hayden: I'm glad you're not dead

 Trophy: I'm glad I'm not dead too

 Trophy: what happened while I was gone?

 Hayden: I became the most hated man in america

 Hayden: everybody thought that I was not only working for the aliens but that I killed the old CIA director

 Hayden: and eventually the new one

 Trophy: the new cia director died?

 Trophy: how?

 JCM: how do you think?

 Trophy: I actually have no idea

 JCM: aliens

 JCM: pretty much everything that's happened in the last two years can be blamed on aliens

 Trophy: I thought all of the aliens died, though

 JCM: there's another one

 JCM: one nobody knew about

 JCM: and it's still out there

 Trophy: holy shit

 JCM: but seriously though

 JCM: where have you been for the past year?

 Trophy: wait a second

 Trophy: okay

 Trophy: now look outside

 JCM: why is everything white?

 Trophy: you're in another dimension

 Trophy: one where you, me, and hayden can talk alone

 Hayden: a skype group might have been more effective

 JCM: how did you do this?

 Trophy: I figured out how to do it with Xat's server

 JCM: wait

 JCM: you have xat's server?

 Trophy: yeah

 JCM: i looked everywhere in that desert for it

 JCM: even bought a metal detector just for finding it

 JCM: nothing

 Trophy: that's because it was in the same place I was

 Trophy: or really

 Trophy: the same time

 JCM: same time?

 Hayden: just tell us where or when you were already

 Trophy: when

 Trophy: 1966

 Trophy: Xat's server sent me, CD, CF, the cia director, and his tech guy back in time when it got hit by lightning

 Hayden: why didn't it send me or lizard squad back in time with you?

 Trophy: you had to have actually touched Xat's server or something

 Trophy: how is lizard squad, by the way?

 Hayden: they escaped as soon as brennan disappeared

 Hayden: I should have done the same thing

 Hayden: but stupid me trusted in the government to set things right

 JCM: wait, you were in 1966?

 JCM: how did you get back?

 Trophy: a lot of dumb luck

 Trophy: but we weren't lucky enough to get sent back to the right time

 Trophy: hence you not hearing from me for the past year

 JCM: did you just get back?

 Trophy: I actually got back a few days ago

 Trophy: but it took me a while to find transportation back home

 JCM: a few days ago?

 JCM: didn't xat's text box break a few days ago, hay?

 Hayden: yeah

 Hayden: I had to click an emoticon before typing anything

 Hayden: it was bullshit

 JCM: well, now we know why that happened

 JCM: weird time travel stuff

 Trophy: I have had plenty of time to figure out how to do stuff like this with the server between then and now, at least

 Hayden: why didn't brennan take the server back from you?

 Trophy: brennan's chill now

 Trophy: he doesn't care about the server anymore

 Trophy: all he wanted to do when we returned was get back home to his wife and kids

 JCM: he probably wouldn't have gotten his old job back anyway

 JCM: considering who's in the white house now

 Trophy: yeah

 Trophy: one thing I'm glad I missed is election night

 Hayden: he won almost every state

 Hayden: including new york >_>

 JCM: yeah

 JCM: we really underestimated how terrified people were of aliens

 JCM: if trump deserves credit for one thing, it's knowing how to capitalize on that

 Trophy: speaking of aliens

 Trophy: what do you know about the alien that's currently out there?

 JCM: not much

 JCM: it seemed to be looking for the server too

 JCM: you'll definitely want to keep an eye out for it

 Trophy: I'm so sick and tired of aliens

 Hayden: you're not the only one

 JCM: well, we'll have to keep dealing with aliens whether we want to or not

 JCM: all of us

 JCM: there's apparently an alien that got away from the cia 50 years ago

 JCM: i think it was the same year you went to, troph

 JCM: and i think that's the same alien i saw

 Trophy: god

 Trophy: I hope not

 Trophy: if it is, we're all fucked

 Hayden: so

 Hayden: you want to take us back to our own dimension, now?

 Trophy: sure thing

 hilaryfan80: And those are all my kinks

 Cha: I feel so enlightened

 JCM: i don't even want to know what i just missed

 jjs: Where were you guys?

 Trophy: just discussing some stuff in private

 jjs: You should know by now that you don't need to keep secrets from us

 Trophy: fine

 Trophy: you want to know the truth?

 Trophy: the whole truth?

 Trophy: xat can time travel

 jjs: I know

 jjs: I'm the one who made up the time traveling thing the first time I saw the flashback of that conversation I had with CNF about American Dad

 Trophy: no

 Trophy: I mean it can really time travel

 Trophy: and I've been away from Xat for so long because it sent me back to 1966

 jjs: Okay, smartass

 jjs: Keep your secrets

 Cha: can xat send me back to the 90s so I can watch the nanny when it was new?

 jjs: sure cha

 jjs: then you can use xat to meet the dinosaurs

 Trophy: but xat really can time travel...

 Hayden: forget it trophy

 Hayden: he isn't falling for it

 Hayden: we can talk about the actual things xat can do later

 Trophy: whatever

 Trophy: also, whatever happened to isb?

 Hayden: brennan isn't the only person who became chill since you disappeared

 Hayden: abney promised to unban all of isb's members from sbm if they agreed to a merger

 Hayden: isb's admins were getting overwhelmed running the forum so they were happy to do it

 hilaryfan80: He also gave jjs his blessing to make me and JCM admins again, though JCM didn't want it

 JCM: yeah i like being among the plebes

 Trophy: thought that said pubes for a second there

 Trophy: it's a shame it didn't

 JCM: please go back to being gone trophy

 Trophy: you want me to bring cd in here to tell bad jokes? 

 jjs: how is cd, btw?

 jjs: and cf for that matter

 Trophy: they're both doing fine

 Trophy: since they can't return to their old jobs, they're starting up a PI business together

 jjs: cool

 JCM: it's great to see things returning to semi-normal

 Katniss: aww is hayden still here?

 Katniss: I hoped he would be gone by the time I finished dinner

 Hayden: I know you secretly love me kat

 Katniss: brb throwing up dinner

 JCM: yep

 JCM: almost completely back to normal

 Trophy: maybe I should consider returning to 1966

 Hayden: we missed you too trophy

[4EverGreen]

I just wanted to post the re-run of the Christmas Special that I recently made for "Squid". Enjoy! /

A Very Special Squid Christmas Carol!

The camera opens up within a rustic winter lodge, where there is lots of snow outside, and more falling at a slow, but steady, rate. Inside the rustic cottage. A familiar talking dog who can sing, is just punishing the finishing touches on a bunch of gingerbread man, and has just finished pouring himself a glass of warm apple cider! The dog turns around, and says: “Hi! I'm Captain Retro! You may remember me for my starring role in The Curse of Blue Harbor; or for my supporting, but very important role in Hello, Stranger! This is a VERY Special Christmas episode, featuring not just myself, but more importantly, starring Squidward, along with a bunch of other familiar faces from underneath the sea! Now, this story has been told often before, and it will LIKELY be told even MORE; but we like to think that we're bringing a unique spin on a tale, by telling it in a way that it hasn't been told before! We took Charles Dickens' immortal book A Christmas Carol; and he can't complain about it, because he lived in the 19th century, BEFORE there was such a thing as copyright laws, so this book falls into public domain, and CAN be used by ANYONE! Anyways, we took that book, and actually updated it for the purposes of producing our own play version of A Christmas Carol, so the settings would make more sense for today's discerning viewer. I hope you will enjoy our rendition, of a timeless Christmas story!” /

The opening title shows, and the opening cast credits are shown!

Squidward as Ebenezer Scrooge. Spongebob as Bob Crachit. Patrick as Fred Scrooge. Police Officers Bob and Nancy as the Homeless Donations Collectors. Eugene Krabs as Jacob Marley. Captain Retro as the Narrator, and the Ghost of Christmas Past. Pearl as Fanny. Squilivia as Isabelle. Greg Shell as Fezziwig, Elderly Party-Goer, and Rotten Scrooge Benefactor #1. Ray Sting, Peterpus, Eeleen Rogers, Daphne, and Helga as Past Party-Goers, Present Party-Goers, and Future Book Buyers. Dr. Gil Gilliam as himself. Cuddle E. Hugs as the Ghost of Christmas Present. Girly Teengirl as Mrs. Crachit. Stanley as Morty Crachit. Sandy Cheeks as 'Tiny' Timantha Crachit. Mindy as Mindy Scrooge, Fred's Wife. Plankton as Arrogance, and Rotten Scrooge Benefactor #2. Karen as Want, and Rotten Scrooge Benefactor #3. Carl Blandy as Rotten Scrooge Appraiser. Billy as Christmas Kid.

Captain Retro narrates, and says: “Jacob Marley was dead to begin with. Now, this might seem like an unusual way to start off a tale, but it is a very IMPORTANT detail to remember! For without the knowledge of this fact, none of what follows in this tale will make any sort of sense without this knowledge! But this tale does not center around Jacob Marley, it centers around his partner. The still living, as of Christmas 2017, Ebenezer Scrooge. A relatively well-reasoned man, who considers himself first and foremost, a logical man. He's also a bit of a tightwad, a cheapskate, and generally does not participate in any activities that can be considered 'fun', or 'enjoyable'. But Ebenezer's entire attitude and outlook on life is about to change, based on what can be described as nothing less, but a genuine miracle, of the Christmas variety!”

Squidward is standing outside his “Loans and Accounting Office of Scrooge and Marley”, with Squidward apparently being TOO cheap, (and really, too apathetic to care about the whole situation); it is Christmas Eve, which is evident from all the Christmas Wreathes, Holly, Mistletoe, Christmas Lights, and snow falling onto the ground. Squidward chuckles, and he says: “Jacob Marley, no matter how often I come here, I have to admire what you did for me! You died seven years ago today, due to a tragic skiing accident! And in your will, you decided to give ME, this entire business establishment! You also left me enough money to pay for your tombstone! Wanted it to be FANCY! Like I was REALLY going to pay for that! I wonder if my top employee has arrived here yet! He may be ANNOYING, but at LEAST he sticks around for the holiday season, which is more than I can say for all my OTHER employees!”

Squidward enters the somewhat swank and fancy office, and sure enough, Spongebob is inside, and he's ADJUSTING the thermostat! Squidward says: “CRACHIT!!!! What have I TOLD you about adjusting the thermostat on a busy BUSINESS day?! If you just worked HARDER and FASTER, you wouldn't even FEEL cold!” Spongebob says: “Come on, Scrooge! It's Christmas Eve! This is the time of year when everyone should feel friendly and caring towards each other!” Squidward says: “Christmas?! Bah, humbug! I'll tell you what Christmas is! It's just another work day! And anyone else who says differently ought to be stuffed, baked, and BOILED in his own pudding! Besides, I let you adjust the thermostat LAST week! That was MY Christmas gift to you! You should be thankful for that! Now, get on that computer, and go over the records of all the people who still own MONEY to us! We've got to keep an eye on our bottom line!”

Spongebob goes to his computer, and he says: “Speaking of Christmas, it IS a federal holiday! So can't I have the day off like everyone else?!” Squidward gets annoyed, and he says: “And I suppose you'll be wanting your pay for THAT day, to?!” Spongebob blushes, and he says: “Well, it would be nice!” Squidward thinks about it, and he says: “Oh, VERY well! But I expect you to work TWICE as hard the following day in order to make up for it!” Spongebob exuberantly jumps up, and he says: “Thank you, sir! You've made my holidays SO merry!” Squidward says: “Indeed, I have! And DON'T call ME, MARY!!!!”

The door opens up, and the automatic voice announcement says: “Money!” Squidward joyfully says: “Ah!!!! A customer!!!! Watch an old PRO reel THIS one in!!!!” Squidward rushes towards the front door, but it's just a sea star holding a Christmas Wreath; and Squidward sourly says: “Oh! It's just YOU!!!!” Patrick asks: “Is that any way to speak to YOUR Nephew?! A guy who shares the same similar genes and D.N.A., that YOU do?!” Squidward gets irritated, and he says: “Fred, I wish I never BOUGHT you that BRAIN Coral to go on TOP of your head four Christmas' ago! Ever since then, you've become even MORE annoying; if that's even possible!” Patrick says: “I just came by to spread the Christmas cheer, and ask you if you might want to come to my party tomorrow! It's a BIG party, and all your old FRIENDS will be there! I've even GOT a rocking D.J.! He's called Captain Retro, he will only be playing the GOOD Christmas music! The kind that's not repetitious and annoying!” Squidward groans, and he asks: “Why do you ALWAYS try to put me UP to this?! For the past eighteen years; you have ALWAYS asked me; 'Do you WANT to come to my Christmas Party this year?!' And every single year, my answer is always a big, fat, 'NO!!!!'” Patrick says: “I was hoping that you might change your mind this year! I've got Christmas Pudding, Eggnog, Apple Pies, Roast turkey, glazed ham, mashed potatoes and gravy, yams, stuffing, and a bunch of other good stuff, to! You've just GOT to come!”

Squidward asks: “And what's in it for ME if I attend this event?!” Patrick says: “The chance to get to know ME better! The chance for me to get to know YOU better! I'm the only family you've got! I would think you would be GRATEFUL to have me in your life!” Squidward says: “I'm THANKFUL that I only have to deal with YOU on Christmas, and NO other day!” Patrick asks: “So, should I take that as a 'Maybe'? Can I at LEAST leave this Christmas Wreath with you?” Squidward says: “You can leave it for Bob Crachit; but NOT me!” Patrick hands the wreath to Spongebob, and Patrick says: “Here you go, Bob Crachit, my good friend!” Spongebob says: “Merry Christmas, Fred! I hope you have a good party! I'd attend it if I had anything GOOD to wear!” Patrick scoffs and he says: “We don't have any dress code! You could come, if you WANTED to!” Spongebob thinks about it, and he says: “Maybe, if I can manage it!” Patrick says: “I hope to see you there! Have a merry Christmas!” And Patrick exits out of the door! And Squidward yells: “And DON'T call ME, MARY!!!!” Spongebob says: “That Fred Scrooge! Always SO full of kindness!” Squidward says: “Aye! He always HAS been a little bit odd!”

The front door opens, triggering the automatic voice saying: “Money!” Squidward says: “And PERSISTENT!!!!” But Squidward looks, and it's two police officers; one a man, and one a woman! Squidward blushes, and he says: “Sorry! I thought you were someone else! And how might I help two of my FINEST police officers on THIS fine day?!” Police Officer Bob says: “Today, we do not come to you as officers of the law. We're dedicating our holiday season off, to helping out the destitute and homeless in Bikini Bottom!” Squidward asks: “For the WHO?!!!” Police Officer Nancy says: “We're collecting for the poor!” Squidward asks: “Now WHY would you need to do that?! Are there no factories?! Are there no homeless shelters?! If they REALLY didn't want to BE poor, they WOULD WORK for a living, or get some REAL help, rather than get some poor SCHMUCKS like you to help THEM out!” Nancy says: “But many poor and homeless CAN'T work, and they DON'T want to go to those over-crowded shelters! Many would rather DIE!!!!”

Squidward says: “Well, if they're GOING to die, than they'd BETTER do it FAST, and DECREASE the SURPLUS population!” Bob asks: “Can't we count on you for ONE donation?!” Squidward picks up Spongebob's wreath, stuffs it OVER Nancy, and he says: “SURE!!!! You can give THIS to the POOR; and be GONE!!!!” Squidward slams the DOOR on them, and Nancy says: “TOUCHY!!!!” Squidward sighs, and says: “Ah. What IS society coming to, Crachit; when you can't even make an honest day's LIVING, without some INSIPID collectors coming to you, asking for you to GIVE that money AWAY?!!!” Spongebob says: “I don't KNOW, Mr. Scrooge! I don't know!” /

It is later in the evening, and the clock strikes 6 P.M.! (GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG!) Squidward sighs, and says: “All right, Crachit! You're done for the day! Go home, and I'll finish up the rest of the records!” Spongebob joyfully says: “All right, sir! You're so generous!” Squidward says: “But be here ALL the earlier for the next business day!” Spongebob says: “Yes, sir! And a merry Christmas to YOU, sir!!!!” Spongebob shuts the door, and Squidward yells: “And DON'T call me, MARY!!!! Bah, humbug!!!” /

It is later in the night, and the clock strikes 9 P.M.! (GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG!) Squidward finally exits out of the building, his work finished for the day! But before he goes, he realizes the neon lighting for his neon light sign of “Loans and Accounting Office of Scrooge and Marley” is not fully lit, as “And Marley” is gray, so Squidward SLAPS on the sign, making “And Marley” light up. Squidward then gets in his average sized boat, and drives home, as the snow begins to fall more heavily. Squidward gets home, with the snow starting to get thick. He reaches into his shirt pocket, and takes out his keys! But while he's opening his front door; the image of his front door knocker CHANGERS into a GHOSTLY crab, and it wails: “SCROOGE!!!!!!!!!!”

Squidward is taken aback, and he asks himself: “Jacob MARLEY?!!! Why, that's IMPOSSIBLE!!!!” Squidward reaches for the knocker, but it HISSES, causing Squidward to HURRY straight inside! Squidward says: “I could have SWORN that...BAH!!!! Humbug!!!!” And Squidward starts to head upstairs to bed, but he hears the RATTLING of ghostly CHAINS behind him! Squidward asks: “Who's there?!” But he gets no answer! Squidward continues up the steps, and the ghostly voice says: “Ebenezer SCROOGE!!!!” Squidward gets MORE alarmed, and he asks: “Who SAID THAT?!!! Show yourself!!!!” And the shadow of a WITHERED, ghostly body, wearing band-aids, and COVERED in heavy chains and money safes, appears on the stairs and WAILS!!!! Squidward cries: “AHHH!!!!!” And he ZOOMS straight into his bedroom; QUICKLY locking TWELVE sets of locks on his bedroom door, and not even BOTHERING to put on his pajamas, heads straight into his bed, knocking his CLARINET onto the floor in all the confusion! Squidward shivers in fear, and the ghost says: “Ebenezer SCROOGE!!!!” Squidward yells: “Leave me ALONE!!!!” The ghostly crab (being intangible) walks RIGHT through the solid door, and says: “Ebenezer—WOAH!!!!” And the ghost TRIPS on the fallen clarinet, knocking a bunch of Squidward's VALUABLE artworks to the ground! The ghost says: “Got to watch out for that FIRST step!”

Squidward calms down, and he asks: “Who...or, WHAT, are you?!” The ghost says: “You don't remember me? It's only been seven YEARS! We had a business together for TWENTY years, and knew each other for four years BEFORE that! In life, I WAS your partner; Jacob Marley!” Squidward realizes that it IS his old business partner. His body has obviously decayed somewhat, being in the ground for seven years, but it IS him! Squidward says: “Now I recognize you! It was tough at first! You're usually surrounded by money!” The ghostly crab says: “Aye. I remember when I was once like you! So much younger; so full of hope, so full of life, so FULL of energy! I thought that MONEY would solve all my problems! But WOAH!!!! Was I wrong! Money can not buy you peace of mind when you HAVE no body, and NO way to spend it!!!! Look at all THESE heavy chains!!!!” Squidward says: “Why do you carry such things around?!” The ghostly Jacob Marley says: “This is the chain I forged in my own life! Little by little, bit by bit; these CHAINS represent all the callous misdeeds, all the times I was greedy, all the times I never gave to my fellow sea creatures! And, as PUNISHMENT for my avarice and money-grubbing ways; I'm FORCED to lug around ALL these chains, through ALL eternity, mourning and SUFFERING!!!! BUT; I have not come here to ask you to pity me! NO!!!! I have come here, to help you AVOID the fate that I am suffering!” Squidward asks: “What do you MEAN; Jacob Marley?!” The ghostly crab says: “You're forging the very same chain that I currently HAVE! Right now, your chain is almost as long as MINE!!!!”

Squidward yells: “NO!!!!” The ghostly crab says: “YES!!!! If you don't change your ways, you will be condemned to spend the afterlife as a ghost; drifting mournfully in limbo, SUFFERING, and be FORCED to watch the lives of others SUFFERING, being unable to HELP them in any way! That's what will happen to YOU; Ebenezer Scrooge!” Squidward nervously says: “But it CAN'T!!!! It couldn't!!!! PLEASE help me, Jacob!!!! I'll do whatever it takes!” The Ghostly crab says: “Tonight, you will be visited by THREE more spirits! They have MUCH to teach you, and it would be in your BEST interest to learn from them! Listen to them, do what they say! Or your chains will be LONGER than mine!” Squidward says: “Thank you, Jacob! You always DID have my best interests at heart!” The ghostly crab says: “I have done all I could. If all goes well, this will ease my suffering, and help me pass on into a better life. Expect the first spirit at the stroke of 10 P.M.! Farewell, Scrooge! I shall haunt you no more!!!!” And the ghostly crab flies STRAIGHT through the solid window WITHOUT breaking it, being an intangible ghost! /

Squidward is in his pajamas, his dinner eaten, and is ready to go to bed! Squidward says: “I'm SO nervous! Three spirits?! What do they even LOOK like?! Are they going to hurt me?! I feel like I'm about to go sky-diving, and I didn't even CHECK to see if I packed a parachute! I wonder if OTHER people have HAD to have gone through a spiritual experience like THIS?!” (GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG!) And sure enough the room lights up, and a familiar Christmas song begins playing! George Michael sings: “Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. But the very next day, you gave it away. This year, to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special. Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. But the very next day, you gave it away. This year, to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special.”

Squidward looks around, and he sees a very FESTIVE looking, and very Christmas decked version of Captain Retro, dressed up in a RETRO Christmas outfit from the 1980's! Captain Retro sighs, and says: “Nothing like George Michael and Wham to put you in the mood for Christmas, right? It's kind of harsher in hindsight, but George Michael actually DIED on Christmas in 2016. Not a GOOD year for celebrities, if you know what I mean!” Squidward asks: “And just WHO are you?!” Captain Retro chuckles, and he says: “Haven't you guessed?! I'm the Spirit of Christmas Past!” Squidward says: “Weird. I thought you'd be scarier!” Captain Retro sighs and says: “Everyone thinks that, especially when they're forced to confront the memories of things they've LONG since subdued, or chosen to ignore; but when it comes right down to it, when people remember their past, they find that the past; even the GRIMY parts of it, just seem to get brighter ALL the time, even as the future gets cloudier and darker!” Squidward asks: “You aren't going to HURT me, are you spirit?!” Captain Retro says: “I'm not allowed to! Nor, would I WANT to! I only want to help you! However, you might not LIKE all of what you're going to see, but you HAVE to see it anyways! I only felt it was FAIR to give you a fair warning!”

Squidward says: “Well, I know it is only your intent to educate me. Very well then, do, whatever it is you need to do.” Captain Retro says: “Hold tight to my paw! We're about to take a memory-based trip BACK into the past!” Squidward grabs Captain Retro's left hand, and before Squidward knows it, Captain Retro is running SO fast, he's actually TURNING back the clock, and REWINDING time before his very eyes! Squidward asks: “What is the MEANING of this?!” Captain Retro says: “88 Miles Per Hour, Squidward! That's how FAST you need to go, to go back in time! Or the bare minimum! Asks Doc Brown, he's the REAL expert! Hold it! We're here!”

And Captain Retro stops, and they're in New Kelp City, and they're already starting to set up the ball for the New Year of 1974! Squidward says: “I remember THIS place! This is my old home-town! And all of my old school friends! It's Christmas Eve of 1973!” And sure enough, a song that was released relatively recently, begins playing in the air! John Lennon and Yoko Ono sing: “So this is Xmas. And what have you done? Another year over, and a new one just begun! And so this is Xmas! I hope you have fun! The near and the dear one! The old and the young! A very Merry Xmas! And a happy New Year! Let's hope it's a good one, without any fear! And so this is Xmas, (war is over), for weak and for strong, (if you want it). For rich and the poor ones, (war is over). The world is so wrong (now). And so happy Xmas! (War is over) for black and for white, (if you want it)! For yellow and red ones, (war is over)! Let's stop all the fight (now). A very Merry Xmas! And a happy New Year! Let's hope it's a good one, without any fear!

And so this is Xmas, (war is over)! And what have we done? (If you want it). Another year over, (war is over)! A new one just begun (now)! And so happy Xmas, (war is over)! We hope you have fun, (if you want it)! The near and the dear one, (war is over)! The old and the young (now)! A very Merry Xmas! And a happy New Year! Let's hope it's a good one, without any fear! War is over, if you want it! War is over, now! Happy Xmas!” /

The epic song ends, and Squidward says: “I remember this place well! Those happy memories of my youth always get me RIGHT in the heart!” Captain Retro says: “But not ALL of your youth was happy! Remember?” Squidward sighs, and says: “Aye. I remember THIS Christmas season well! I was five years old, and Dad had to go away on a business trip and had forgotten ALL about Christmas; forcing me to go to a private kindergarten, where I could learn the ways of life!” They go to a fancy, private school, where everything is shut down, save for one room, where a young Scrooge/Squidward is going over his studies. The young Squidward says: “A is for Atom Ant, B is for The Beatles, C is for Carols, D is for The Doors, E is for The Eagles, F is for Friends who do Stuff together, G is for Gingerbread Houses, H is for Holly, I is for...I really WISH my dad could be home for Christmas!” A teenaged girl whale comes in, and she says: “And your WISH has been granted!”

The young Squidward says: “Fannie! What are you doing here?!” Fannie says: “I just got a phone call from our dad! He says that the business trip has been CANCELLED! He's going to spend Christmas with us AFTER all! And he sounded SO nice, to! Much nicer than he HAS been! He says that he's given up drinking, and will quit his smoking habits! From now on, he's going to be a nicer, and kinder man, and he wants you home for Christmas, to!” The young Squidward says: “All right! What should we get him for Christmas, Fannie?!” Fannie says: “Oh, I have a few ideas...” And their voices trail off. Squidward says: “My older sister, Fannie. And NO; I DON'T know HOW an Octopus and a WHALE can be related!” Captain Retro says: “I wasn't even going to ask!” Squidward says: “She was so full of life and hope, you know! She later married, and gave birth to my nephew, Fred. After that, she got put on a bus.” Captain Retro asks: “You mean she...?” Squidward says: “NO!!!! She LITERALLY got put on a bus! Our father got her ENLISTENED into the army, she thought it would be a good LEARNING experience for her! But she got STUCK in the war quagmire that's been going ON for the past 16 years, and I haven't gotten to see OR hear from her, since!”

Captain Retro says: “Is that why you can't STAND to be around Fred?” Squidward sighs, and says: “If we're being brutally honest, yes. Because every time I look at him, I SEE her, and it just TEARS me up inside that she CAN'T be with me!” Captain Retro says: “I know. Being apart from your family, especially at Christmas, can be, and often IS, PAINFUL. BUT; you DO have a choice! You can either choose to try to suppress your pain and HIDE it, and let it DESTROY you from the inside out, or you can choose to LEARN from it, and deal with your pain in a more constructive matter!” Squidward asks: “And I want to choose the LATTER method, right?!” Captain Retro says: “You catch on fast, Scrooge! Come, let us LEAVE this Christmas behind, and go to a more pleasant Christmas Eve! We're going to the 1980's!!!!”

Squidward grabs Captain Retro's hand, and they zoom again! Forward, this time! And they zoom forward to the Christmas Eve of 1988! They're still in New Kelp City, but everything looks busier, and MORE flashy, as everyone is living the high life, and the fast life, of the 1980's! Squidward says: “GAH!!!! What GARISH fashions! I forgot how much of a FASHION disaster the 1980's truly WERE!” Captain Retro chuckles, and he says: “You were JUST as into the fashion trends back then as EVERYONE else! Take a look in this building, and see for yourself! Recognize anybody?!” And Squidward looks inside, and sure ENOUGH he sees a 20 year old VERSION of himself, sporting a George Michael haircut, and wearing a “Members Only” jacket! Captain Retro chuckles, and he says: “Nice hair and jacket, by the way!” Squidward says: “It was in STYLE, back then! Besides, we had NO idea George Michael was going to turn out to be GAY back then! They would've LAUGHED at you for even SUGGESTING the idea! Uh, they can't hear or see us, can they?!” Captain Retro says: “I'm only showing you the shadows of things that have already passed in your life, they cannot see or hear us. They are going on with their lives, unaware of what YOU'RE going to turn out to be!”

Squidward asks: “And what's WRONG with liking money?!” Captain Retro says: “Nothing; if you're Bill Gates and you use it for altruistic purposes! But since you're NOT, that's the problem! Besides, you didn't ALWAYS used to like money! You used to love something else! Recognize anyone else?!” Squidward looks, and he sees an elderly sea turtle, running a Party Store! Squidward says: “It's old Fezziwig! Alive and well, again! He was a good and generous boss, he was! I couldn't have worked for a kinder gentleman!” Captain Retro asks: “This 'small' party, impresses you THAT much?!” Squidward says: “Nothing that Fezziwig ever did, in spite of his outdated name, was EVER small! He gave from his heart, and he GAVE to all!”

Fezziwig goes to a young crab, and he says: “Jacob Marley! Stop WORKING! Put those forms away, and join the party! After all, it IS Christmas Eve! And what is a Party Store, without a little PARTY to celebrate Christmas Eve?!” The young adult Squidward says: “Step aside, and make way for some INTERPRETIVE dance!” And the young Squidward busts out his REALLY unique dance moves, that REALLY impress his old friends, such as Ray Sting, Peterpus, Eeleen Rogers, Daphne, and Helga! Captain Retro chuckles and he says: “Nice DANCE moves!” Squidward says: “It was POPULAR back then! I kind of WISH it still was! But I haven't danced like that ever since my ill-fated attempt of 1999, when everyone threw TOMATOES at me! I mean, COME on! If you're going to THROW something at me, the LEAST you can do is THROW something that isn't wasting FOOD!” Captain Retro says: “Your friends weren't the ONLY ones impressed with you! A beautiful young lady is about to enter the picture, if you KNOW what I mean!” Squidward is stunned, when he sees a BEAUTIFUL lady octopus, wearing a t-shirt that reads: “Italians do it better!” Squidward sighs, and says: “The love of my life! The lovely Isabelle!”

The young Squidward finishes dancing, and Isabelle goes up to him, and she asks: “Who are you? You must forgive me, but I just started working here last week, and I haven't gotten a chance to meet everyone yet. I'm Isabelle. I guess we're going to be work partners from now on!” The young Squidward blushes, and he says: “I guess we are! I'm Ebenezer Scrooge! Obviously, I didn't pick THAT first name! I would've gone with something cooler!” Isabelle looks up, and she romantically says: “You KNOW, we ARE standing under the mistletoe!” The young Squidward says: “Well, if you really WANT...” But he doesn't even FINISH, and Isabelle plants a BIG romantic kiss on his left cheek!!!! The young Squidward romantically says: “I think I'm in LOVE!!!!” And then a bunch of clattering is heard, as Fezziwig starts to break out HIS dance moves (albeit, clumsily, as he APPEARS to be TIPSY), and he proves it, by taking off his SHELL, waving it around, and screaming: “No DRESS CODE!!!!” And everyone cheers! The young Squidward says: “That's my...boss! He can't hold his liquor in very well!” Isabelle says: “I see what you mean! Let's ditch this party and have some OTHER fun!” The young Squidward says: “Lead the way! I want to know EVERYTHING about you, that you want to SHARE with me!”

And sure enough, Isabelle and the young Squidward run off, throwing snowballs at each other, ice skating, building snow mermaids, and making snow angels! They cap a Christmas evening by driving to a romantic look-out over New Kelp City, while a familiar Christmas tune plays. George Michael sings: “Once bitten, and twice shy, I keep my distance; but you still catch my eye. Tell me, baby, Do you recognize me?” Isabelle asks: “Isn't this a ROMANTIC tune?!” The young Squidward says: “It's certainly a good one. Listen, Isabelle; what do you want to do with your life?” Isabelle says: “I'd like to travel around the world and help those in need! There are so many places I want to see! There are so many of those I'd like to help!” The young Squidward says: “Well, I'd like to help you! Once I've saved enough money, Jacob Marley and I are going to start a business together! We'll make SO much money together, we can afford to GIVE a lot of our profits away! I'll help you in ANY way I can!” Isabelle says: “That sounds SO romantic! It means a lot to me!” The young Squidward sighs, and he says: “You know what would mean a lot to me? I mean, we've only KNOWN each other for a short time, but it feels like I've known you forever.” The young Squidward reaches into his glove compartment, and pulls out a LOVELY ring, with two dolphins surrounding a pristine, white pearl. The young Squidward says: “This belonged to my mother, my grandmother, and HER mother before her! It's been in my family for four generations! And it would mean a lot to me, for you to have this, if you'd be my wife!” Isabelle tears up, and she says: “Ebenezer, I don't know what to say!” The young Squidward says: “Say, yes!” Isabelle excitedly says: “Yes, YES! A thousand times, YES!! I know this is going to sound mushy, but you LIKE me! You REALLY like ME!!!!”

The young Squidward says: “We'll get married in Las Vegas! Big and fancy, or small and informal, whichever you prefer! Feel free to invite any guests you want! It would be more fun that way!” Isabelle says: “I'd like to invite Fezziwig! He's...funny!” The young Squidward says: “Aye. He can be MOST times!” /

The scene fades, and Squidward says: “Ah! I remember how MUCH we were in LOVE together!” Captain Retro says: “The key word there is, 'WERE', in love together! In ten years time, something ELSE will take the place of your love and affection for Isabelle!” And Captain Retro grabs Squidward, and they zoom forward again, to the Christmas Eve of 1998! They are standing outside the building of “Loans and Accounting Office of Scrooge and Marley”, only everything looks MORE brand new, and not as dilapidated! Captain Retro says: “Remember when I told you that you were going to see some things you were NOT going to like seeing? You're about to see one, driven by YOUR own poor choices and ABYSMAL set of priorities!”

Inside the building, Isabelle is sporting a “Rachel” haircut from friends, while the younger Squidward's haircut is starting to loose it's luster, looking more like Alec Baldwin than George Michael. The younger Squidward is busy working on his brand new computer, doing his daily business of settling loans and accounts! The younger Squidward says: “Let's see; I can terminate the account of Old Man Jenkins, who failed to pay in time for that 'Tickle Me Elmo,' BLASPHEMOUS device! I can also end the account of Mrs. Puff, who failed to pay for that FURBY, another USELESS gizmo! I think I'll keep the account of SQUILLIAM open; just to MAKE him keep paying for that N64!” Isabelle sighs and says: “Scrooge, we need to talk!” The younger Squidward says: “Make it quick! I have a LOT to think about!” Isabelle seriously says: “It's about the wedding ring you gave me ten years ago.” Squidward is taken aback, and he asks: “What about it?” Isabelle seriously says: “You need to take it back! I'm annulling the marriage! You're no longer the man I married all those years ago!” The younger Squidward asks: “What are you talking about?! I'm still physically the same guy! I'm just older! I've gotten wiser! Besides, have I ever HURT you in our relationship? Have I ever treated you badly, or said anything wrong to you?”

Isabelle sighs and says: “No. You still tell me the same, sweet nothings. But, you no longer MEAN any of the things you say! You used to be so nice and passionate to me! But a new idol has taken my place in your heart! You used to CARE about helping others! About making a difference! Now all you care about is enriching yourself!” The younger Squidward asks: “And what's WRONG with that?! Haven't I given you EVERYTHING a lady like you could ask for? Haven't you had a good life?!” Isabelle says: “You've given to ME, but not to others! That's what I want! I STILL want to help others! A fact that you have CHOSEN to ignore and belittle! I'm asking to be released from you!” The younger Squidward says: “Don't do THIS!!!! Have I ASKED for you to be released from me?! Have I ever TOLD you that you were no longer welcome in my house?!” Isabelle says: “In words, no. But if you MET the younger me, ten years ago, the younger me who HAD nothing; would you WANT from then, the way you DID back then?!” Squidward looks away almost longingly, and says nothing. Isabelle says: “Your silence, says it all.” Isabelle takes off her wedding ring and puts it on Squidward's table. Isabelle says: “Here's your wedding ring back! May YOU be HAPPY with the LIFE you've chosen!”

The actual Squidward says: “Isabelle, don't LEAVE!!!!” But Squidward's tentacles PASS right through Isabelle, and she WALKS right out the door! The scene fades, and Squidward cries: “NO!!!! That was TWICE that Isabelle LEFT my life! Why did he...I mean, I just SIT THERE?!!! WHY?!!!” Captain Retro says: “Why are you asking me, when YOU are the ONE who have actually LIVED this life?! You should know the answer better than ANYONE!” Squidward sighs, and he says: “Spirit, I can't BEAR to look upon these memories anymore! Take me home!” Captain Retro sighs, and he says: “Sorry, but there's still ONE more memory we must look back on! Hold on!” Squidward does so, and they zoom toward the Christmas Eve of 2010, seven years ago! They are in a hospital in Bikini Bottom, and the past Squidward rushes by, looking VERY much as he does right now! The present Squidward shivers in fear, and he says: “Don't tell me...” Captain Retro sighs, and he says: “I'm afraid I must. This is the Christmas where your partner, Jacob Marley died. He suffered his HORRIBLE skiing accident over TWELVE hours ago! He didn't take his cell phone, he didn't even OWN one! Called it a waste of money! If he had one, he could have called for help! But the paramedics took so long to reach him...well, you'll see for yourself.”

The younger Squidward gets to a purple fish doctor, and he says: “Dr. Gil Gilliam?!” The purple fish doctor sighs, and says: “Yes?” The younger Squidward says: “I'm looking for my business partner Jacob Marley! Where is he?” Dr. Gilliam says: “He's in the intensive care, but I should warn you, the diagnosis is not positive!” Squidward asks: “What do you mean?! He's going to make it! He's just GOT to make it!” Dr. Gilliam seriously says: “By our estimates, he was lying in a snow-bank, next to a snow-covered Christmas Tree for TWELVE hours, both of his legs were BROKEN, and he was BLEEDING profusely!” Squidward asks: “But you STOPPED the bleeding, right?!” Dr. Gilliam sighs, and says: “If he HAD a cell phone to call for help, we probably COULD have done something!” Squidward asks: “What do you MEAN; 'COULD have done something?!' You still can, right?!” Dr. Gilliam sighs, and says: “He lost so much blood, and he's losing more. He's bleeding internally, Squidward. There's nothing more we can DO for him. I'll let you go in, so you can say your good-byes.”

The younger Squidward enters the Intensive Care Unit. Jacob Marley is hooked up to a machine that's trying to pump more new blood into the heavily bandaged crab, but it is an exercise in futility! Jacob Marley opens his bruised eyes, and he says: “Scrooge? You, came for me!” The younger Squidward says: “I had to; I couldn't let you suffer alone!” Marley sighs and says: “I...should have never gone skiing! It's all my fault!” Scrooge says: “Don't say that! If that avalanche hadn't have happened, and you didn't get distracted and run into the tree, you WOULD have been fine!!!! Uh...that is, to say; what I really mean is...” Marley sighs and says: “You don't need to say it, I know it's only a matter of time, now. I; made out a last will and testament for you. In it, I'm granting MY entire share of the business, to you, Scrooge! You're the only man I can trust, to run our business in the right way! Help others, the way we always DREAMED of, instead of making money, for yourself! Don't be like I was! Don't...COUGH; COUGH!!!! WASTE...your life...the way...I...DID!!!!” The younger Squidward says: “Don't talk; you're only HURTING yourself!” Marley says: “I also left some money, to pay for a fancy tombstone for myself! Spare no expense! I want to be loved...when...I'm gone.” (GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG!) The younger Squidward seriously says: “Marley!” (GONG! GONG!) The younger Squidward says: “Please!” (GONG! GONG!) The younger Squidward says: “Don't leave me!” (GONG! GONG!) And Jacob Marley's eyes close, and he falls unconscious! (GONG! GONG!) And the heart-rate monitor goes; BEEP!!!! (GONG! GONG!) Dr. Gilliam sighs and he says: “Nurse Wretched, mark the time of passing. One Jacob Marley passed away this night; or early Christmas morning, 12 A.M., at the stroke of ten.” /

The scene fades, and both Captain Retro and Squidward are back in Squidward's house! Captain Retro says: “A fine friend that Jacob Marley HAD!!!! You couldn't even grant his wish, to give him a DECENT tombstone! You just found the CHEAPEST person you could find to bury him, and kept the rest of the money for yourself!” Squidward sighs, and says: “I don't know WHAT I was thinking! I can't tell you WHY I was so foolish! PLEASE, forgive me spirit! I was SUCH a fool!” Captain Retro says: “It's not me, you need to ask forgiveness for. You need to ask forgiveness for yourself. I've only showed you the shadows of what has already passed. Now, it's up to you, to learn from them. You're still 49 years old, you still have MANY opportunities to change your ways. I hope you will use your time wisely. I'll leave you with one last gift. This song to listen to, until the next Christmas Spirit gets here. I hope you enjoy it. I think you will.” And Captain Retro VANISHES out of sight leaving behind George Michael's singing voice!

George Michael sings: “Well, it's been a year, it doesn't surprise me. (Merry Christmas) I wrapped it up and sent it; with a note saying, 'I love you,' I meant it. Now I know what a fool I've been. But if you kissed me now, I know you'd fool me again. Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. But the very next day, you gave it away. This year, to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special. Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. But the very next day, you gave it away. This year, to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special. Oh, oh, baby. A crowded room, friends with tired eyes. I'm hiding from you, and your soul of ice. My god, I thought you were someone to rely on. Me? I guess I was a shoulder to cry on. A face on a lover with a fire in his heart. A man under cover, but you tore me apart, ooh-hoo. Now I've found a real love, you'll never fool me again. Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. But the very next day, you gave it away. This year, to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special. Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. But the very next day, you gave it away. This year, to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special. A face on a lover with a fire in his heart, (I gave you my heart). A man under cover, but you tore him apart. Maybe next year, I'll give it to someone. I'll give it to someone special. Special... Someone...” / And as the epic song ends, Squidward hears ENORMOUS thudding, as if someone HUGE was walking through his house! A jolly voice says: “Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, HO!!!! Merry Christmas!!!!”

Squidward looks, and he SEES his entire HOUSE has been decked with Christmas festivities! Mistletoe, holly, bright Christmas lights, a HUGE Christmas tree with LOTS of presents underneath it, and a GIANT banquet table filled with LOTS of food of the Christmas variety, and even SEVEREAL foods from Hanukkah and Kwanzaa! But the most UNUSUAL sight is THAT of a GIANT, furry hamster, wearing Christmas holly leaves as a crown, wooden sandals, and A GIANT green robe around his body! The giant hamster says: “Come, Squidward! Come closer! This is Christmas! The time to EMBRACE your fellow men, AND women, in warmth and Christmas cheer! Or whatever holiday you celebrate at the end of the year!” Squidward says: “GIANT!!!! You're going to EAT me!” The Giant Hamster says: “No, I WON'T!!!! That's in the PAST!!!! I've REFORMED now! Besides, my friend, Captain Retro, the Spirit of Christmas Past told me, that FISH are FRIENDS, NOT food! I, Cuddle E. Hugs, the E. now stands for ENORMOUS, am now serving as the Spirit of Christmas Present, now!”

Squidward says: “You're as large as life itself!” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “And why shouldn't I be?! The present is all around us, and it's a GIFT!!!! That's why it's called a Christmas PRESENT!!!! But enough about puns! I want to show you all this merriment and warmth! And all the wonderful things you could be having on Christmas Day! I've even got some vegetarian, or soy and tofu based options, if you happen to have special dietary needs!” Squidward looks at the table, and he longingly says: “Apple pies! Roast turkeys! Glazed hams!” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “And don't forget the mashed potatoes! They have pismachioes! I mean, smishnachioes! I mean mishingidilinga...with gravy!!!!” Squidward asks: “But where did all this food come from?” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “From the HEART!!!! From INSIDE the SOUL!!!! This food is a physical representation, of the food of generosity, which you have LONG denied your fellow men and women!” Squidward asks: “GENEROSITY?!!! Nobody has ever shown ME any generosity!” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “Not in the past eighteen years, you mean! And that's because you don't give them any REASON to! And yet; in spite of ALL that, there are still SOME out there, who are willing to share their generosity with others! Even some, who have GIVEN what they have, TO you! Ebenezer Scrooge!” Squidward scoffs, and he says: “If you can find ONE out there, I'll GLADLY give your warm, furry body a hug!”

Cuddle E. Hugs says: “Than I better start looking forward to collecting, because I'm about to get some hugs, soon! Grab onto my robe! We will be invisible, and inaudible to everyone else, as we look upon this upcoming Christmas day present!” (GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG!!!!) And as Squidward grabs onto the robe of Cuddle E. Hugs, Squidward's house disappears, and they find themselves outside of a PINEAPPLE house in Bikini Bottom! And it is a bright, sunny Christmas day, shining on the snow that has fallen in the ocean! Squidward asks: “A PINEAPPLE house?! What does a pineapple, under the sea, have to do with ME?!” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “This may come as a SURPRISE to you, but not every single thing underneath the ocean REVOLVES around YOU; Ebenezer Scrooge! The man that lives in here, may WORK for you; but his heart belongs to EVERYONE!!!! This is the house of your over-worked, and under-paid employee; Bob Crachit!” Squidward says: “I'm not a SLAVE DRIVER!!!! I pair him his FAIR share of wages, just like EVERYONE else!!!!” Cuddle E. Hugs scoffs and says: “PLEASE!!!! The only time YOU increase his wages, is when Congress RAISES the Minimum Wage limit, FORCING you to give him more money!” Squidward says: “Well, I don't want to break the LAW, do I?!” Cuddle E. Hugs ignores him, and the Spirit says: “And yet, in spite of all the NONSENSE that Crachit has to put up with, he only has love and warmth for everyone else! Most notably, his own FAMILY!!!!”

Spongebob says: “Merry Christmas, my loving family! It's time to come downstairs, and enjoy all the wonderful things we have to eat!” A female sponge comes down, and she says: “Coming, my husband!” Squidward looks, and he asks: “Am I seeing double?! When did Bob Crachit CLONE himself?!”

Cuddle E. Hugs says: “That's No CLONE!!!! That's his WIFE!!!! Girly Crachit!” Squidward says: “He NEVER told me he had a WIFE!!!!” Cuddle E. Hugs asks: “Oh, REALLY?!!!” / Bob Crachit says: “I just married my wife! / Oh, my wife just gave birth to a BEAUTIFUL baby boy! / My wife and I just decided to ADOPT a lovely girl, so my son can have a baby sister!” / Cuddle E. Hugs asks: “Need to see any MORE flash-backs?!” Squidward says: “So I THOUGHT he was MAKING the WHOLE thing up; so SUE me! But, where ARE his children?!” A teenaged, male sponge, comes down, and he says: “I'm here! Can we have LUNCH now?!” Spongebob says: “No, Morty! Not until your younger sister, Tiny Timantha gets here!” A young, female squirrel, wearing an under-water air suit, comes hobbling down the stairs with two crutches and a broken left leg. The girl says: “I'm coming, father! I'm coming!” Squidward asks: “Who IS that young girl?! I mean, the boy seems fine, but what about the GIRL?!” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “That's Bob Crachit's adopted daughter, Tiny Timantha!” Squidward asks: “Has she ALWAYS been like this?!” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “No, skiing accident!” Squidward nervously asks: “Skiing accident?!”

Cuddle E. Hugs says: “Don't worry! She HAD a cell phone, so SHE got lucky! All she suffered was a broken leg! She's still healing from it, though!” Girly Crachit says: “For today, you may eat all you wish. And know that each bite is our gift from us, to you.” And she presents the dinner, which, while nice, isn't much. There's a little bit of corn, mashed potatoes, and a small turkey, but no butter or gravy, and they only have milk, not eggnog. Squidward asks: “Is THAT all they HAVE for Christmas?! Surely, they can afford MORE than that! Cuddle E. Hugs incredulously asks: “And what do YOU care if they are POOR?!” And Cuddle E. Hugs PLAYS a scene that takes on a MUCH darker, and more ominous meaning to Squidward, as Squidward asks: “Are there no factories?! Are there no homeless shelters?! If they REALLY didn't want to BE poor, they WOULD WORK for a living, or get some REAL help, rather than get some poor SCHMUCKS like you to help THEM out!” Squidward looks in scorn, and he says: “Now THAT was a DIRTY trick!!!! You took something I said EARLIER, and you PLAYED it COMPLETELY out of CONTEXT!!!!” Cuddle E. Hugs asks: “Was it REALLY out of context, though?! You never THINK, you never CONSIDER the FEELINGS of those that you SAY such HURTFUL things, to!!!! And what has Bob Crachit ever DONE to YOU to warrant such disdain and HATE?! All he has ever DONE, is to be NICE and HELPFUL to you, which you RARELY, if EVER, have ever MANAGED to show BACK to him!” Squidward sighs and he says: “Okay. I'll look at my budget, and see what I can do about raising his rate of employment pay. But it will have to wait until he actually comes BACK to work!”

Cuddle E. Hugs says: “That's no GOOD, Ebenezer Scrooge!” Squidward asks: “What else do you want?” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “All I want for you is to open up your EYES, and LOOK at them WITHOUT contempt or LACK of empathy! No family should have to SETTLE for so little at Christmas! And yet, in SPITE of this hardship, they're still making the BEST out of a BAD situation, unlike YOU; Ebenezer Scrooge!” Squidward asks: “What's THAT supposed to mean?!” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “Just watch! You'll get the idea!” Inside the pineapple house, Tiny Timantha says: “Isn't all this food wonderful?!” Spongebob says: “Indeed! I propose a toast! Let's drink some warm apple cider, for our health, and the health of our benefactor, Ebenezer Scrooge!” Girly scoffs and says: “The health of Ebenezer Scrooge, indeed! That cheap TIGHTWAD, working you LONG hours, with such MENIAL, degrading tasks, caring NOTHING for the TOLL it takes on YOUR body or OUR peace of mind! I'll drink, but only for YOUR sake, and NOT his! Here's to Scrooge indeed! May he live long and prosper, even if he DOESN'T deserve it!” Squidward blushes, and he says: “I...take it, that I'm not a popular man within this house-hold!” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “That's the understatement of the day! I would say 'year,' but with TRUMP around; I clearly can no longer safely SAY, 'year'!”

Squidward asks: “Are you SURE there's nothing wrong, with Tiny Timantha?” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “Physically, no. But there IS a lot wrong with her MENTALLY!!!! And her adopted family doesn't exactly HAVE the money to get her a PROPER psychiatric evaluation, you CHEAPSKATE, even though you can MORE than afford it!” Squidward asks: “Can you tell me; what will happen to Tiny Timantha?” Cuddle E. Hugs closes his eyes, and he says: “If these shadows of the future remain unaltered, I see an empty chair where Tiny Timantha once sat, crutches without an owner, and Tiny Timantha herself, LOCKED up in some DISGUSTING sanatorium! But what do YOU CARE if Timantha DIES?! She'll just decrease the surplus population!”

Squidward asks: “How did YOU know that I SAID THAT?!” Cuddle E. Hugs coyly says: “Because you just TOLD me, DUMMY!!!!” Squidward face-palms himself, and says: “Oh, yeah.” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “Grab onto me. We're going to be going to a MUCH happier place of festivities!” Squidward asks: “Can I hug you NOW?!” Cuddle E. Hugs smiles, and he says: “Go ahead! But in the chest, where it won't be CREEPY! Hug your little heart out! Everybody does!” Squidward does so, and he says: “Wow! Your fur really IS warm and wonderful!” Cuddle E. Hugs smiles, and he says: “I know!” And they whisk themselves away, to a really BIG rock, camped RIGHT outside of the Shell Shack! Squidward asks: “Now, where are we?!” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “We're at the party that your nephew Fred planned for you to go to. He wanted you to show off your dance moves! He thinks they're about to come BACK in style! He also got a familiar D.J., to play at this party!”

In the Shell Shack, Captain Retro says: “All right! I'm your Retro rocking D.J., Captain Retro! For KEBF and KZSR, 97.3 and 107.9, the ROCK!!!! Let's give it up for Fred and Mindy Scrooge, for setting up this joyous occasion!” And a bunch of party-goers, including Ray Sting, Peterpus, Eeleen Rogers, Daphne, Helga, and even Greg Shell, are there! Squidward says: “They're all my old friends! They came to this party! They still THINK about me?!” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “Of course they have! Just because YOU have forgotten about them; doesn't mean that they've FORGOTTEN about you!” Squidward says: “I haven't forgotten about them! I still send Christmas cards! And I send my nephew, Fred, a different Christmas present each YEAR; whether I think he will use it wisely or NOT! I mean, even greedy pinch-pennies have STANDARDS!!!!” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “Well, at least YOU do!” Squidward asks: “But who's Mindy Scrooge?” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “She is Fred Scrooge's wife!” And Squidward stares at a LOVELY young mermaid, who is swimming around Patrick! Mindy says: “You've out-done yourself THIS year, Fred! It's a pity that Ebenezer decided to be a no-show AGAIN, this year!” Fred sighs, and says: “I know! I thought; this might even be the year, where we got Fanny and ISABELLE to come to our party this year! That would've been a NICE surprise for Ebenezer!” Mindy asks: “Why do you even BOTHER?! Ebenezer is NOT going to come to any of OUR parties! Ebenezer NEVER does!”

And Squidward looks DOWN in shame and embarrassment! Fred says: “It's his loss, more than mine! I mean, I don't even think that he honestly realizes what he's missing out on! I mean, we've got treats, refreshments, a D.J., and everything else that we need! We've EVEN got a Christmas QUEEN!!!!” Mindy blushes, and she says: “I'm glad that you think of ME as a queen!” Fred says: “Well, you're certainly MY queen, and you always WILL be!” Captain Retro says: “Time for LIMBO dance!!!!” Fred says: “Now THIS should be fun!” /

And Hall & Oates' version of “Jingle Bell Rock” begins playing! Daryl Hall sings: “Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock. Jingle bells swing and jingle bells ring. Snowing and blowing up bushels of fun. Now the jingle hop has begun! Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock. Jingle bells chime in jingle bell time. Dancing and prancing, in Jingle Bell Square, in the frosty air. What a bright time, it's the right time, to rock the night away! Jingle bell time, is a swell time, to go gliding in a one-horse sleigh! Giddy-up, jingle horse, pick up your feet! Jingle around the clock! Mix and a-mingle in the jingling beat! That's the jingle bell rock! What a bright time, it's the right time, to rock the night away! Jingle bell time, is a swell time, to go gliding in a one-horse sleigh! Giddy-up, jingle horse, pick up your feet! Jingle around the clock! Mix and a-mingle in the jingling beat! That's the jingle bell, that's the jingle bell, that's the jingle bell rock!” / And as the epic song ends, Ray Sting and Peterpus are urging Greg Shell to try the limbo! Ray sting says: “Come on! How low can you go?!” Peterpus says: “Can't you still do it?!” Greg Shell says: “Let me limber up first, and...!” Greg Shell slips OUT of his shell, and he SLIDES under the INSANELY low limbo bar, but doesn't KNOCK it loose, and Greg says: “YEAH!!!! I STILL got it, BABY!!!!” Daphne says: “I'll say!” / Squidward says: “They sure look like they're having fun in there.”

Cuddle E. Hugs sighs, and says: “Indeed, they are.” Squidward says: “Spirit, is there something wrong?” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “My time grows short. I am the SPIRIT of Christmas Present. But; no Christmas...” Squidward concludes: “No YOU?!!!” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “Before I go, I should WARN you about the UNWANTED children of MEN, and WOMEN; Arrogance, and Want!!!!” And from a dark alleyway, emerge two VICIOUS creatures! A plankton CHAINED to a chain leash, and a voluptuous computer decked out in make-up!

Arrogance asks: “Are there no factories?! Are there no homeless shelters?!” Want says: “If they're GOING to die, than they'd BETTER do it FAST, and DECREASE the SURPLUS population!” Than in a flash, they vanish from sight, and so does Cuddle E. Hugs!!!! Squidward asks: “SPIRIT!!!! Where did you go?!!! Please!!!! Don't LEAVE me!!!! Tell me what happens to Tiny Timantha!!!!” And an ominous voice says: “I can tell you what happens to Tiny Timantha!!!!” And Squidward looks behind him, and sure enough, decked in full on WAR regalia, is the green-colored, mohawk sporting, leather jacket wearing vision of GENERAL BARRACUDA!!!! Squidward, gets REALLY scared, and he says: “Don't tell me! You're the Spirit of Christmas Future, aren't you?!” General Barracuda says: “Give the greedy skin-flint a PRIZE!!!! A one-class ticket to PAIN AND PUNISHMENT if you don't STRAIGHTEN up!!!! Want to know what ELSE you can WIN?!!!” Squidward says: “NO!!!! Spirit, just know that I respect and FEAR you more than the OTHER two spirits PUT together! I know you have things that you want to show me! I'm not going to like them, but I know that it's only for the benefit of helping me, right?!”

General Barracuda scoffs and says: “Like I'm DOING this to help YOU out! I'm only looking to get PAID for putting up with this whole idea! But I told my agent; 'There is no way Mr. T is going to AGREE to do THIS thing unless I actually get some SPEAKING lines!' Because if Mr. T is going to do some DUMB thing, the LEAST they can do is give me some LINES, so I can actually EARN my money! You don't GET Mr. T, unless you give him something important to say!!!! I mean...I lost my train of thought and went off on a tangent there! Anyways, I'll show you a future Christmas! Whether you will still be around to ENJOY it; that remains to be seen!”

And General Barracuda whisks the both of them to FIVE years in the future, to Christmas Day 2022!!!! Squidward sees Police Officers Bob and Nancy, on their daily patrol! Nancy says: “So, that stingy old fool actually DIED, didn't he?! I thought he would NEVER die!” Bob says: “I agree! He always thought HE'D be the one to get the last laugh, but we're the ones who are laughing now; aren't we?!” Nancy says: “Have arrangements for his funeral been made yet? I wouldn't think HE would be the kind who would leave behind a will to anyone; he only cared about himself!” Bob says: “Oh, I'm sure there will be a BUNCH of men and women coming out of the wood-work to claim THEIR piece of the pie soon enough! It IS what happened to the musician Prince after HE died, you know?!” Nancy says: “I suppose we SHOULD attend his funeral!” Bob says: “We will, but only if they serve those DELICIOUS finger sandwiches! I just LOVE those finger sandwiches!”

Squidward asks: “Spirit, who is this man that these two officers of the law, speak VERY lowly of?! I mean, the plight of THIS man, sounds an awful LOT like my own! I mean, that IS the direction my life seems to be heading as of late!” General Barracuda says: “I didn't take you here for you to be EVALUATED!!!! I took you here to be EDUCATED!!!! And if you DON'T get educated, you are a FOOL!!!! And I PITY the fool, who don't get himself EDUCATED when he has a CHANCE to! Come, we've got OTHERS to see!!!!” And Squidward and General Barracuda find themselves in a shady auction/appraisal office, headed by none other than Carl Blandy! He hears the door-bell ringing; and he pushes the intercom button, and he announces: “I'm ready for the next customers. Come on in!” And an elderly sea turtle, a VICIOUS Plankton, and a mobile, motorized computer, come into the room, carrying a BUNCH of valuable stuff! Carl Blandy gets INTERESTED, and he says: “And what have YOU brought me today?!” The elderly sea turtle says: “We scored BIG today!!!! With that rotten man DEAD, we have FINALLY earned what WE deserve!!!!” The computer says: “He may not have paid us WELL in his LIFE, but he is SURE paying WELL for us NOW, in his DEATH!!!!” Carl Blandy gets EXCITED, and he says: “Don't keep me in SUSPENSE!!!! Show me!!!!” The sea turtle says: “I'll start!!!! I took all his gold and RUBIES!!!!” And he opens up his sea shell, and ALL the riches come spilling out, and his SHELL slips off! He quickly puts his shell back on, and he says: “How embarrassing!!!!” The Plankton holds up a tiny (but to HIM, a HUGE emerald ring, with the initials, “E.S.” carved into it), and he says: “I stole his very PRECIOUS monogrammed emerald ring!” The computer reaches into a compartment on her body, and she says: “I stole ALL his fancy silk, linen, and sea bear fur CURTAINS that were hanging from his WINDOWS!!!!” Carl Blandy asked: “Right where he was LAYING?!!! You STOLE the curtains of a DEAD man?!” The computer says: “Why not?! He's not going to need them where HE is going!”

And to Squidward's UTTER surprise, the four of them begin singing “We're Despicable” from “Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol!” Carl Blandy sings: “We're despicable!” Plankton sings: “We make ourselves, plain sickable!” Greg Shell sings: “Berate ourselves, hate ourselves, viciously!” Karen sings: “Still none of us, wishes HE would change! We're slick and shifty birds!” Carl sings: “With fingers quick!” Plankton sings: “As fifty birds!” / Squidward says: “He just RHYMED 'birds', with 'birds'!” General Barracuda mockingly says: “He just rhymed 'birds', with 'birds'. Like YOU could write a CATCHIER song!” / Karen sings: “While stealing your purse or your ticky-tock!” Greg sings: “Just for a kick we knock, you FLAT!!!!” And he pounds Plankton! And the four of them sing: “La! La! La-la-la-la-la-la! La-la-la-la-la-la-la! La-la-la-la-la-la-la! We're just blankety blank-blank, no GOOD!” Carl sings: “We're not tea party blokes!” Plankton sings: “No chitty-chat, or artichokes!” Karen sings: “We're twice as blood-thirsty as cannibals! And wilder than animals, are we!” Carl sings: “We're reprehensible!” Plankton sings: “We'll steal your pen, and pencible!” / Squidward asks: “Is THAT even a WORD?!” General Barracuda sings: “SHUT UP!!!! This is the GOOD part!” / Greg sings: “Then sneer at you, leer at you, naughtily! And really, we ought to be, in JAIL!!!!” And the four of them sing: “La! La! La-la-la-la-la-la! La-la-la-la-la-la-la! La-la-la-la-la-la-la! We're just blankety blank-blank, all BAD!!!!” And all FOUR of them laugh in wickedness!!!! /

Squidward says: “That was AWFUL!!!!” General Barracuda says: “Says YOU!!!! I thought it was pretty CATCHY!!!!” Squidward says: “Such VILE behavior! Is there NO ONE who feels any EMPATHY, in connection to this dead man?” General Barracuda says: “Oh, there's some all right! But you're NOT going to like it!” And they are whisked away, this time to a TV show, where a BUNCH of Squidward's old friends, including Ray Sting, Peterpus, Eeleen Rogers, Daphne, and Helga, are CLAMORING for a bunch of new books on sale, ominously titled: “Why I Did It,” by Timantha Crachit; and they keep pushing each other to get at the book! Peterpus says: “This is the hottest book ever! Give me a copy!!!!” Ray Sting asks: “Have you read about the SCANDAL?! It's all over the airwaves!” Eeleen says: “Let me have a look!” Helga says: “Not before ME!!!! I want it, FIRST!!!!” Captain Retro candidly says: “And this scene has been repeated all through-out the ocean, as Timantha Crachit, the daughter of one Bob Crachit, took it upon herself to single-handidly end, and KILL the life of one Master Coelaceanth! She says she did it, because Master Coelaceanth broke into her house to steal ALL of their valuables, and do UNSPEAKABLE things to HER and her adopted mother, RAMMING her crutches SEVERAL times through the fishes' throat, and through the stomach, not stopping until he was absolutely DEAD! Now, she's in jail, waiting trial, so we were unable to get a word with her. However, we have been able to get a word with her adopted father; Mr. Bob Crachit! Mr. Crachit, how does it make you feel to be near the center of all this controversy?” Spongebob says: “Unsettling.” Captain Retro asks: “Any other feelings?”

Spongebob says: “I'm just glad my OLD boss isn't able to see this. He'd probably MOCK me ruthlessly!” Captain Retro says: “Girly, and Morty Crachit, do you have anything to add?” But they both shake their heads, no. Captain Retro says: “I've got their close friends, Fred and Mindy Scrooge. They've recently suffered a loss, themselves. Care to say anything positive to help these folks out during these troubling times?” Patrick says: “Well, someone in my family, very close to me, was ALWAYS suspicious that someone vile and villainous would make off with his most VALUABLE treasures! For his last Christmas gift to me, he gave me and Mindy MOST of his most valuable treasures! We'll share them with you, and anything else we can do to help, just let us know.” Spongebob sighs, and he says: “I will, Fred. WE will!” / Squidward moans, and says: “Oh, NO!!!! Not Timantha Crachit!!!!” / And General Barracuda takes Squidward to inside a desolate looking sanatorium, where Timantha is wrapped up in a straight-jacket, and FORCED to eat meals with only her mouth, as her meals are fed to her through a tiny slot in her cell door, and pushed directly to her! Squidward mournfully says: “Oh, NO!!!! Spirit! I didn't want THIS to happen! Does it HAVE to happen?! Are you showing me the shadows of things that WILL be?!!! Or only what MIGHT be?! Tell me I can CHANGE this!!!!” General Barracuda says: “Patience! I've got one last THING I need to SHOW you!!!!” /

General Barracuda whisks them away again, to the inside of a grave-yard! Squidward asks: “You took me HERE?!!! You're about to show me the grave-site of the man that NOBODY cares for, aren't you?!” General Barracuda chuckles, and he says: “You know it!”

Squidward says: “Spirit! You and the others have shown me that men and women can CHANGE through-out their lives! I think what you've been trying to tell me, is that I can make a change for the better! I promise you, I CAN change! I WILL CHANGE!!!! I WILL be the boss that Bob Crachit DESERVES!!!! I will be the UNCLE that my nephew deserves! I will find Isabelle and APOLOGIZE for my arrogant ways! I will GIVE to those less fortunate than myself, and hold CHRISTMAS near and dear to me, not just on Christmas, but EVERY DAY!!!! Just tell me, I can CHANGE this AWFUL future!!!!” General Barracuda says: “I can TELL you all that! BUT; don't you want to know where YOU are, this Christmas?!!!” Squidward ominously asks: “WHERE?!!!” And General Barracuda shines a FLASHLIGHT, on a plain grave stone that reads “Ebenezer Scrooge, March 4, 1968-December 24th, 2022!” General Barracuda maliciously says: “Right HERE, EBENEZER!!!! The RICHEST man in the CEMETARY!!!! MWA, HA, HA, HA!!!!” And General Barracuda KNOCKS Squidward RIGHT into the open grave-site, but Squidward grabs onto the edge! And he looks on in horror, as his COFFIN opens, and SPEWS forth the FLAMES of HADES!!!! Squidward says: “NO!!!! NO, SPIRIT!!!! You can't DO THIS!!!! PLEASE!!!! Spirit!!!! HELP ME!!!!”

General Barracuda looks in disdain, than he PAINFULLY grabs Squidward's tentacles, and General Barracuda ominously says: “Long LIVE EBENEZER SCROOGE!!!!” And General Barracuda THROWS Squidward towards the open coffin as Squidward screams: “NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” General Barracuda says: “YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Squidward screams: “AHHH!!!!!!!!!!” / (THUD!!!!!!!!!!) And before Squidward knows it, he's BACK in his own house, but all the festivities that Cuddle E. Hugs has set up (minus the food, which has all been eaten) is STILL set up! Squidward says: “It was all REAL!!!! It all REALLY happened! I'm back in my own house! I wonder...”

Squidward runs to his bedroom window, opens it, and sees a green fish kid playing in his yard! Squidward says: “You down there!” Billy says: “I wasn't playing in your yard! I was just looking for SNOWBALLS!!!!” Squidward asks: “Don't worry about it! What day is today?!” Billy is puzzled, and he says: “Are you daft?! It's Christmas Day, of course!” Squidward jumps up and says: “YAHOO!!!!! I haven't MISSED it!!!! The Spirits have decided to give me another chance!!!! They did it all in ONE night! And why not?! They can do anything!!!! Boy; don't you go anywhere! Let me get dressed, and I'll be right down!!!!” And moving with a speed that he hasn't done in years, Squidward gets motivated and moving in a matter of only minutes, and comes downstairs to meet Billy. Squidward says: “By the way, what's your name?” The kid says: “I'm Billy.” Squidward says: “Well, Billy; I want you to take $500, run to the nearest store, and buy Bob Crachit and his family the BIGGEST turkey they have, and get them a bunch of nice toys, clothes, and things for his family! They live in the pineapple, under the sea! Tell Bob Crachit I want to see him at Fred and Mindy's Christmas party! You can keep the change for yourself! And don't even THINK about keeping the money for yourself! I'll be heading to his house later, to make SURE you did it!” Billy says: “I will sir, and a Merry Christmas to you, sir!” Billy runs off, and Squidward says: “Now, I've got to find those Police Officers!”

Thankfully, he doesn't have to look too hard, as Police Officers Bob and Nancy, are dressed as one of Santa's helpers, and an elf, respectively! Squidward says: “There you are, Merry Christmas!” Nancy asks: “Merry Christmas?! I thought you were, 'Bah, humbug'!!!!” Squidward says: “That was the OLD me! But I've recently had an epiphany, due to something fantastic that I don't have time to explain to you right now! Maybe some other time, but I wanted to give you something to help the homeless! $1,000 to help!” And he puts the money in Nancy's hat! Nancy tries to say: “I say; that's really...” Squidward says: “Not enough?! Try $2,000!!!!” And he puts the money in Bob's pants, which fall DOWN, revealing his polka-dot underwear! Bob says: “No! Really! It's...” Squidward says: “Still not enough?! You drive a HARD bargain!!!! Here's $4,000; and not a penny more!!!!” Nancy says: “This is SO generous of you!” Squidward says: “And it's only the beginning! I'll be helping out a lot more!” Nancy says: “We look forward to it, and a Merry Christmas to you, sir!!!!” /

Later, Squidward goes to visit Bob Crachit's house, and sure enough, the family has a JUMBO-sized turkey, fancy new clothes, and the latest toys and electronic devices! Squidward says: “That little kid actually did it! I'm proud of him! I've got a little gift of my own. I'll put it through the mail-slot!” Squidward does so, and Girly Crachit says: “Bob! Someone slipped something into our door!” Spongebob says: “So they did! It's a note! It says: 'Bob Crachit; dress in your fancy new clothes, and please meet me at Fred and Mindy's party, and bring your family. I want to get to know my most trusted employee more personally. I have something special for you and your family as well. Signed, Ebenezer Scrooge'!” Morty asks: “Scrooge wants to meet you? That doesn't sound like him.” Spongebob says: “I think we should go. I mean, it's not every day you get a personal invitation from your boss! We can always play with our new gifts, later! But Christmas comes but ONCE a year!” Squidward says: “And that's MY cue to get dressed for the party! I only hope I have something APPROPRIATE left in my closet!” /

At Fred and Mindy's Party, Captain Retro says: “All right! I'm your Retro rocking D.J., Captain Retro! For KEBF and KZSR, 97.3 and 107.9, the ROCK!!!! Let's give it up for Fred and Mindy Scrooge, for setting up this joyous occasion!” And a bunch of party-goers, including Ray Sting, Peterpus, Eeleen Rogers, Daphne, Helga, and even Greg Shell, are there! Mindy says: “You've out-done yourself THIS year, Fred! It's a pity that Ebenezer decided to be a no-show AGAIN, this year!” Fred sighs, and says: “I know! I thought; this might even be the year, where we got Fanny and ISABELLE to come to our party this year! That would've been a NICE surprise for...” (RATTLE!!!!) And Squidward walks in, wearing a VERY faded “Members Only” Jacket, and sporting a very faded, but still classy-looking, Alec Baldwin haircut. Fred says: “Ebenezer Scrooge?” Squidward says: “That's me. It's been too long, but it's me!” Mindy asks: “This is your uncle?” Squidward says: “I haven't been much of an uncle to him so far, but I've just BEEN through something kind of big, that's kind of hard to explain. But long story short, I'd like to be the Uncle that my nephew Fred, deserves! That is, if he WANTS me to, that is!” Patrick says: “Ebenezer; of COURSE I do!!!!” And Scrooge turns around, and sees Bob Crachit's family! Squidward says: “Bob Crachit!”

Spongebob says: “Ebenezer Scrooge!” Squidward sighs, and he says: “Bob; I've been a REAL jerk to you; not listening to you all those times you talked about your family!” Spongebob says: “No! You were just busy!” Squidward says: “No; I WAS a jerk! But I don't want to BE a jerk anymore! I want to treat you with the respect that you DESERVE to have! And so, as soon as I am able to, I'm changing the NAME of my business! Now it will read, 'Loans and Accounting Office of Scrooge and Crachit!' You'll get paid the wages you deserve, and I'll even pay whatever it takes, to get your adopted daughter the psychiatric help she needs! So what do you say? Want to make it an OFFICIAL partnership?!” Spongebob is stunned and asks: “What did you say, Mr. Scrooge?!” Squidward sighs, and says: “All, right! The business will be renamed, 'Loans and Accounting Office of Crachit and Scrooge'!” Spongebob says: “Thank you, Mr. Scrooge! What should I do now, Mr. Scrooge?” Squidward says: “Run and fine the finest psychiatrist! He or she is waiting for you!” Spongebob says: “I can't feel my legs, Mr. Scrooge!” Squidward says: “Don't worry, I'll fix it! My friends, get Spongebob to find the finest psychiatrist in the ocean on the double!!!!” Ray Sting, Peterpus, Eeleen Rogers, Daphne, Helga, and Greg Shell carry Spongebob, and Spongebob says: “Dreams DO come true!!!!”

A female whale walks in and asks: “What was THAT all a...bout?” Squidward stares, and he says: “Fannie?” The woman asks: “Ebenezer? Is that REALLY you?!” Squidward says: “We're both older, and a little worse for the wear, but it's me!” Pearl says: “The war is over! The fighting is FINALLY over! I will now be home for THIS Christmas, and ALL others!” Squidward says: “I would like that!” Another female says: “Sounds kind of fun.” And Isabelle, also looking older, but still STUNNING for middle-age, walks in. Squidward says: “Isabelle, you came!” Isabelle says: “I've been hearing rumors from the police officers, and some little kid, that some middle-aged man has been spreading his wealth to other needy men and women in this town! Would you happen to know anything about it?” Squidward says: “Actually, that man is me!” Isabelle says: “And who's that young man, with the mermaid wife?” Squidward says: “He's my nephew!” Isabelle asks: “Is he anything LIKE you?!” Squidward says: “He's more like the man I USED to be, and I HOPE to become again! I know our first marriage wasn't all I cracked up to be, and I know there's nothing I can SAY to prove to you that I've changed! SO; instead I'm going to SHOW you that I've changed, by all the good deeds I'm going to do for now on! We'll make it so that Christmas isn't the ONLY time of year to spread wealth and good-cheer, but an attitude you should have, on every day of the year! I'd like to give our relationship another chance. That is, if YOU want to give it another chance!” Isabelle says: “I've been waiting 19 years, to hear you ask that to me.” And she gives him a small, little kiss on the right cheek. Squidward says: “Nobody kisses me, the way you do!” /

Captain Retro is back in his warm cabin, and he narrates: “Ebenezer Scrooge was GOOD to his word, and so much more! Bob Crachit became a WELL-RESPECTED man in his community, under the guidance of Scrooge, and a man, who was once reviled and filled with disdain, became a bright beacon of hope not just to his friends, but to everyone who knew him. Timantha got the psychiatric help she needed! And for Morty and Timantha, Ebenezer Scrooge became not just a good boss to Bob Crachit; he became like a second father, giving them gifts every Christmas, and helping others in need.” Sandy Cheeks, still carrying her clutches, jumps into view, as Captain Retro narrates: “And it was probably summed up best by Tiny Timantha; when she said...”

Sandy Cheeks THROWS AWAY her Clutches, does THREE triple back somersaults, lands on her feet, and says: “God bless us EVERYONE!!!!” And the entire cast comes out to take a bow, as loud applause is heard, and the curtain drops on the joyous play! /

Episode Notes: Adaptation of “A Christmas Carol”, originally written by Charles Dickens, and adapted by 4EverGreen to fit a more contemporary, more modern setting. Special Guest Stars include Jeff Garlin, reprising his role as Cuddle E. Hugs, and Mr. T, portraying General Barracuda! Featured songs in this special, include “Last Christmas; Happy Xmas (War is Over)”, Hall & Oates' version of “Jingle Bell Rock;” and “We're Despicable” originally from “Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol.” Out of all the characters, Greg Shell is the ONLY character to play a major role as THREE different characters during the scenarios of Christmas Past, Present, and Future! The major changes to this story, is that Fannie does not DIE in this story, Tiny Timantha does NOT die in the BAD Future (though her fate STILL isn't that pleasant), and Scrooge and Isabelle get a “Maybe Ever After” at the end of this story.

Personal Notes: I really wanted this to be a Christmas Special for “Squid,” and that it would become cannon. Perhaps it WILL be cannon, someday. Just not THIS Christmas! But still, I wanted to throw my hat in the ring, and give you my version of “A Christmas Carol”. It probably doesn't do the original justice, what with the compressed time-frame, and everything. But I think it's good enough for what it is. I hope you enjoy reading it, as much as I did writing it! Enough said!

[Rebel the Wolfgirl]

 (Repost under construction]

Edited May 5, 2018 by Renegade the Unicorn

[Rebel the Wolfgirl]

The Laughter of Thirsting Gods: Part II

Previously on Power Rangers: Multiverse Force...

 

The venture the Rangers made into the Warp did not go at all as expected, as a new face joined the team: Kras’hir, a Daemon of Khorne, who was intended to be their guide through the Warp. As they braved the traps and dangers of the Warp, new love bloomed, as Kras’hir and Usagi, partially motivated by the feelings pushed to the surface in Slaanesh's realm, quickly began a romance not long after meeting. Kras’hir also proved to be much more thoughtful and intelligent than the Rangers initially thought, and proved a great help in keeping them alive and sane as they met with each of the four Chaos Gods in turn. In their own manner, each of the Four promised the Rangers an army of Daemons, allowing them to face Emperor Diabolica on even ground. Now, it is no longer the time for words and pacts.

 

It is time...for war….

 

Kras’hir was pacing in front of the Khornate Daemons. She had never been one for overly long speeches, but she felt the need to give one now.

 

“We are faced now with a great battle! A battle that will resound throughout history, a battle that will they will sing songs about in the warrior halls of the galaxy for ages to come! A song of wrath, and ruin, and the ending of life! Sing with me, comrades! A song of red skies, and bloody fields, and the WORLD’S ENDING!”

 

“BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE! SOULS FOR THE SOUL EATER!” came the enthusiastic response.

 

“DEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHH!”  She bellowed into the sky.

 

“DEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHH!”  came the response of millions upon millions of Daemons.

Toby took the reigns this time, and began a chant among the Slaaneshi: “Hello, hello, hello, how low? Hello, hello, hello, how low? HELLO, HELLO, HELLO?!” The Slaaneshi, of course, knew this tune well. They also swiftly ignored him, as Toby was as charismatic as a stick. Lettuce, of course, was chosen to help lead the Slaaneshi rather than Toby.

 

One of the Keepers of Secrets, named Mas’hila, began barking orders to the Slaaneshi Daemons. The Nurglites merely gurgled and coughed, while the Tzeentchians did no planning, as they knew from their Lord how the battle would end.

 

As the battle was starting up, an entire army of Imps-not Imp Dusters, the fusions between the cannon fodder of the Taurans and those of the Hedrian Clan,-but true, pure blooded Imps, was marching forward, towards the combined Chaos-Ranger forces. What wasn’t surprising was that they were led by Baphomet, Diabolica’s supposed greatest warrior. The goat-like creature looked at the opposing army...and silently swore upon seeing the Khornate forces. “My Lord has returned…” He had once sworn his loyalty to Khorne, his ambitions to become a Daemon Prince obvious from the start. Khorne Himself was not pleased by Baphomet’s performances on the battlefield, and had sent An'ggrath to kill him. Baphomet had somehow managed to escape, still falsely believing he was loyal to the Blood God. And now that his Lord had, in his eyes, returned to him, Baphomet could finally prove himself and ascend to Daemonhood. With a loud chant of “BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD, SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!”, the Imp army charged forward.

 

Kras’hir bellowed, “KNORNATES, GET IN POSITION!”

 

The Daemons of Khorne moved in front of the others, raising their blades and shields and forming a defensive wall against the Imps. An’ggrath himself stepped out, staring down Baphomet.

 

Baphomet drew his own blade, and growled, “So, coward, we meet again. Has Lord Khorne disposed of you in favor of me yet?”

 

An’ggrath growled back, his voice making the ground tremble a bit, “Who do you think sent me, whelp? My Lord is most displeased with you, and I cannot describe the pleasure I will feel bringing Him your head on a spike.”

 

“Oh, you are so wrong…” Baphomet taunted. “It is I who will be bringing Him your head, and ascending to my rightful place as ruler of my own Daemon World, where I will do nothing but feast and fight in the name of Khorne!”

 

“Where is Diabolica? Tell me, WHERE DOES YOUR FALSE EMPEROR HIDE?!” An’ggrath snarled. “IS HE CARRYING OUT SOME MASTER PLAN, OR IS HE MERELY TOO COWARDLY TO FACE US HIMSELF?!”

 

Kras’hir stepped forward. “Enough talk! WE. BRING. WAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!”

With that, the Khornates roared, clanging their blades and shields against their armor. The Imps were promptly annihilated, their limbs going every which way and the ground painted red with their blood.  Only fifteen survived. In stark contrast, only one Daemon was killed, and it took two hundred Imps to kill him. Baphomet was, possibly by intervention of Tzeentch, another survivor, scampering away like the coward he truly was. Now it was confirmed he was not a true warrior worthy of Khorne; just an ambitious coward with visions of demigodhood.

 

He didn't make it far, for An’ggrath, snarling, had extended his serrated chain-whip and thrown it outwards, catching Baphomet by the legs. He pulled the coward back to him, and ended Baphomet’s life with a swing of his massive blade. “I-I’m sorry, Vipera…” Baphomet whispered as he died. “...Avenge me…”

 

Far away, the so-called Emperor Diabolica was still screaming, wracked by plague and rot.

 

“VIPERA! COME ON, YOU MISERABLE WENCH! WHERE ARE YOU?!” Vipera soon appeared before Diabolica, filing her nails and looking at him with rage and contempt.

 

“You know, Emperor, I don’t say this very often…”

 

“Yes you do!” replied Circe, who was busy trying to mix up an antidote as fast as possible.

 

“QUIET! As I was saying, I told you so. Would you like me to elaborate? No? Well, too bad. You, Emperor Diabolica, are pathetic. Pathetic, misogynistic, self-absorbed, and not at all pleasing. You KILLED YOUR OWN PARENTS AND BETRAYED YOUR BEST FRIEND! AND FOR WHAT? FOR POWER!?” Now Vipera was pissed. “YOU. DESERVE. YOUR. CURRENT. FATE. YOU DISGUSTING PIECE OF SHIT! YOU CALL YOURSELF A VILLAIN?! YOU’RE NOTHING! YOU WILL ALWAYS BE NOTHING! AND WHEN YOU DIE! I HOPE THE RUINOUS POWERS RIP YOU LIMB FROM LIMB, SODOMIZE YOU, INTRUDE ON YOUR THOUGHTS, AND INFECT YOU WITH EVEN MORE HORRIBLE DISEASES FOR ALL ETERNITY!”

 

Suddenly, dark laughter echoed, followed by thumping footsteps. A man had entered the room. Well, man was loosely accurate, as he would tower over any human. He wore black and yellow armor, decorated with spikes that had human heads and skulls impaled on them. His skin was pale and scarred, and on his forehead was a strange star: The symbol of Chaos Undivided. He was still chuckling as he approached the ailing Emperor, his clawed fists clenching and relaxing.

 

“Oh, child, They have far worse fates in mind for him.”

 

“Who the hell are you?!” Queen Hedrian asked, sitting by her ailing husband to care for him.

 

“I have earned many titles: Primarch of the Black Legion. The Dark Crusader. Warmaster of Chaos. The Scourge of Man. You, however, may call me...Abaddon.”

 

Queen Hedrian gasped, stumbling back. “...The Anathema’s son…”

 

“No. You are thinking of Horus.”

 

He snorted. "Horus was weak. Horus was a fool. He had the whole galaxy within his grasp and he let it slip away…”

 

“The Imperium is gone. It has been for thousands of years. And I am grateful for that, as much as I hate to say it. Terra has become Core Earth, capital of the Multiverse Federation. What brings you here after so long?”

 

“The Anathema is stirring once again. His soul has been reincarnated, but it is weaker than ever. Assassins close in on Him even now, intending to end His recurring life once and for all. I aim to prevent that.”

 

Abaddon walked up to Diabolica. “How right your servant was. You are nothing. Nothing but an occasionally useful pawn. Even when the Powers directly use you for their own ends, you fail. Every time. Violating Isha? Foolish. Rejecting the Blood God’s patronage? Foolish. Spiting She Who Thirsts out of some misguided sense of power? Foolish. And, most offensive of all, stealing from the Library of the Fate Weaver? Foolish. I would kill you, right here and now, if your suffering did not please Them, and you did not still have a part to play.”

 

Diabolica groaned weakly, “Get out…”

 

“No.”

 

“HE SAID GET OUT!” Circe oink-screamed.

 

Abaddon turned, his yellow eyes staring at Circe. “And if I don't?”

 

“I’LL TURN YOU INTO A FROG!”

 

Kraky then whispered to Abaddon, “She really won’t.”

 

Abaddon said, grinning, “Go ahead.”

 

Guns could be heard cocking near the back of the room. Three Black Legion Marines had entered.

 

“Try.”

 

“Um, uh...bibbity bobbity boo?” A few sparks harmlessly struck Abbadon, and Circe squealed in terror.

 

Abaddon turned to Vipera. “Your lover, Baphomet? He is dead.”

 

“He-he’s what…?!”

 

Abaddon repeated,  as if speaking to a child, “Dead.”

 

“N-no, he can’t be dead...how?!”

 

He said a name that was feared by everyone else in the room, save for Vipera herself, “An’ggrath…” This sent shocks to everyone, as they recognized that name anywhere.

 

He showed them what the Bloodthirster was currently doing...taking a piss. He was holding Baphomet’s head on a spike, the goat-Tauran’s mouth agape and his eyes gouged out.

 

Vipera immediately broke down sobbing. Abaddon said, “I have something for you.” She didn’t answer. Circe and Kraky could do nothing to comfort Vipera, as they were still at the mercy of the millennia-old Space Marines.

 

Meanwhile, Drako had barricaded himself in his chambers, and hurriedly attempted to contact his Master; he was going to escape the Diabolic, and spend eternity in the Warp as an apprentice to Tzeentch. Or, at least that was what he planned. Tzeentch granted his wish...to escape the Diabolic. Quite literally, in fact, as he was thrown out a window by one of the Space Marines. His death was slow and painful, and yet he passed on happily into the Warp. He knew of his fate, and welcomed it with open arms.

 

Diabolica, meanwhile, asked Abaddon, “What do you have for that we-?”

 

He was cut off by a blade piercing his throat. Abaddon replied, “The gift of taking your place, Diabolica.”

 

Vipera grinned, laughing madly. “YES! YES!”

 

Queen Hedrian fell, sobbing and looking at Diabolica’s body. “I will revive you...soon enough…” she whispered.

 

Abaddon took the crown from his head, and offered it to Vipera. “All hail Empress Vipera, First Of Her Name.” She took the crown, and noticed how good it looked on her. Queen Hedrian disappeared with Diabolica’s body. Oh well, there was no need to worry. She’d probably die in the battle below, on the planet itself.

 

Abaddon said to her, inclining his head, “Pleasure doing business with you. Until we meet again.”

 

He left, the Marines following him. Now only Circe, Kraky, and her remained of Diabolica’s forces. Hedrian evacuated back to her base in the North Pole, intent on reviving Diabolica.

 

Down on Core Earth, the war for the multiverse’s fate still raged. Tzeentch’s sorcerers weaved great spells of wind and fire, killing scores of the enemy with each casting. Nurgle’s Plaguebearers exhaled clouds of massive, flesh-eating flies, who devoured their foes like locusts devoured crops. Slaaneshi warriors danced across the battlefield, cutting down enemy combatants gracefully. And the Khornates, as brutal as ever, were like a force of nature, cutting bloody swathes through the opposing army, painting the ground with blood and bone. The Rangers had evacuated back to the Command Center, not out of cowardice, but because it was not time to play their part yet. When Alpha 8 saw them again, he was elated, that is, until he saw Kras’hir. “Ay-y-yi! Chaos inflitration! Chaos inflitration!”

 

“Whoa, calm down Alpha.” said Blackhawk. “She’s with us.”

 

“Yeah.” said Naruto. “She wants to be one of our allies.”

 

Kras’hir grinned, winking at Usagi, “Oh, I am an infiltrator.”

 

She made a v with two fingers, before putting her tongue between them and licking up and down. Usagi blushed, giggling.

 

“Where’s Emperor Diabolica?” Lettuce wondered. “I thought he’d be leading his army into battle.”

 

Omnus answered, stepping into the room, “Emperor Diabolica is dead.”

 

“Huh?!” the team asked, confused.

 

“Alpha 8...show them the message Empress Vipera sent.”

 

Alpha nodded, bringing the Viewing Globe to fullscreen.

 

Vipera, a wide grin on her face, was sitting on Diabolica’s former throne, his crown on her head. “Greetings, Rangers. I am sure you are as surprised at this development as I am. Don't get me wrong, I wanted the throne, but I simply didn't expect to have it handed to me so easily. You see, I made a powerful friend today. Abaddon, he called himself. Your mentor may know who he is. He killed Diabolica...and let me take over!”

 

The pause was due to her giggling madly. “I'll give you a few moments to react to that.”

 

They turned to Omnus, waiting for an answer.

 

“Abaddon is the Warmaster of Chaos itself. He has the favor of all four Ruinous Powers, and had launched numerous “Black Crusades”, waging war upon both the Federation...and the Imperium of Man.”

 

“What’s the Imperium of Man?” Pinkie asked.

 

“An empire that was centered around what is now Core Earth. An empire that made the Federation look nonexistent in comparison. At its height, a million worlds fell under Imperial control.”

 

“Well, what happened?” Naruto asked. “Did they drive themselves into extinction?”

 

“No. The War of Hunger happened…and the Devouring Blade won.”

 

“The Devouring Blade…” Alpha said. “...was the most powerful of the Tyranid race. When it came to Terra, they prayed that their God-Emperor would rise again...like King Arthur.”

 

“He did not...Oh, gods, I can still hear the screams…”

 

“You were there, Omnus.”

 

“He was.” said Alpha. “I wasn’t, but Omnus told me that the battles between Rita Repulsa and Zordon partly occurred on Terra.”

 

“I can recall the Great Crusade, around twenty thousand years before that, when the Emperor set out to conquer the galaxy and find His sons, the Primarchs.”

 

“Did the Power Rangers exist before then?” Lettuce asked.

 

Omnus didn't seem to hear him. “I can say with certainty that, compared to the Crusade, every battle the Federation has fought looks like children having a disagreement. Then came the Heresy...when brother fought brother and the galaxy burned…”

 

“After that, the Imperium became a theocratic, neo-barbaric shell of itself.” said Alpha. “The Emperor sat for thousands of years on his Golden Throne, constantly on the verge of death. He is, in fact, still alive...for a given definition of alive. His Imperium has collapsed, and He still feels guilt over its atrocities. When the Federation was established, they tore down the Imperial Palace…”

 

Omnus glared at him. “You were not alive then, Alpha. I was! Do you know what it was like, knowing that death was certain, and blind faith in a dying god was the only thing that could hold off the horrors lurking just outside my vision? That everything the Imperium did, no matter how atrocious or evil, was delaying the inevitable and keeping the jaws of the Enemy from closing on us? To see Horus, a man who could have been as great as the Emperor Himself, turn to Chaos, and plunge the galaxy into the flames of war?!”

 

Omnus exhaled. “I do, which is why I will not stand for hearing the Imperium referred to as evil. It was a dark age, and I did terrible things in order to buy mankind time. I do not sleep soundly, but I would do them all again.”

 

“I...I...understand, Omnus. But you and I both know the Emperor is still on His Throne, most likely aware of the Imperium He created gone for millennia...and He is likely not proud of Himself, but knows He had to take drastic action.”

 

Omnus said, after a moment of silence, “The Necrons, Alpha. Do you remember what I told you about them?”

 

“Don’t remind me. They were robotic creatures...robotic skeletons who despised all organic life.”

 

“Sorry to interrupt,” said Toby. “But what does this have to do with the Federation, and why have I not heard about this Imperium before?”

 

“Every mention of it was purged from public records. It makes sense. It's almost like...hmmm...Usagi?”

 

“Yes, Omnus?”

 

“Have you ever heard of the Dark King? Ruled your homeland centuries ago, beheaded people he didn't like, and was stabbed to death in a bathtub?”

 

“No…”

 

“It's the same concept. The records were purged. Don't want the past tainting the reputation of the present regime.”

 

Kras’hir snorted. “Nice to see you share my views on the Federation.”

 

“The real question is,” observed Blackhawk. “Where is the Federation keeping the Emperor’s body, and why are you telling us all this?”

 

Omnus responded, “The Necrons are waking once again.”

 

Kras’hir’s eyes widened. “WHAT?!”

 

“That’s bad, right?”

 

Alpha replied, “You have no idea. The even worse part? Horus is returning.”

 

Kras’hir snorted loudly. “Nope. The Corpse-God saw to that Himself. You see, whelp, when Horus and the Anathema dueled, after the Warmaster fatally wounded Him, the Corpse-God struck Horus down, not only erasing his body from existence, but his soul as well. Horus died in every sense of the word...or so I heard. It's hard to tell lies from truth in the Warp. Still, I'm more concerned about the Eternal Dynasty.”

 

“That still doesn’t answer where the Federation is keeping the Emperor’s body…” Blackhawk said.

 

Kras’hir shrugged. Then Omnus said something that made everyone a bit afraid.

 

“I have heard rumors about strange sightings. Federation scouts reported seeing strange, floating ships in space, torn open and devoid of life. The ones who decided to see what was in them never returned. Strange vessels have also been encountered, vessels that looked to be scouting, and fled when Federation forces approached. And, recently, several worlds have gone dark, their last transmission containing nothing but screams, gunfire and the sound of spraying blood and cracking bone.”

 

“Could they be Imperial remnants?” Naruto guessed.

 

“Perhaps.” said Alpha. “Or perhaps not. That’s all we know. And even then, remnants of the Imperium are scattered. The ancient Space Marine Legions live in isolation on monastery-like ships, worshipping the Emperor and scouring space for any form of knowledge.”

 

“At least, the loyalist Space Marines. The Traitor Legions still dwell in the Warp.”

 

“The fact that Abaddon has come out of hiding worries me.” Alpha said.

 

“The Powers are getting bolder if the Warmaster has come out into realspace. Still, he is less volatile than Angron. Gods help us if the World Eaters emerge from the Warp…”

 

Meanwhile, down in Hedrian’s old North Pole-based castle, she had began making preparations to revive Emperor Diabolica. Readying her staff, she shouted to the sky, “Forces of Chaos...REVIVE EMPEROR DIABOLICA AND MAKE HIM GROOOOOW!”

 

In the Warp, the Gods played their poker game, gambling on who would revive Diabolica, and what the cost would be. Khorne won, and declared, “He shall live, and his resurrection shall make him mighty. However, My World Eaters shall soon emerge, and lay siege to where his wife hides.”

 

So He declared, so it was. Diabolica’s eyes opened, life returning to him. Hedrian hugged him, then watched as he grew into something far larger, and far more powerful. He spoke, the whole planet hearing his words, “I am coming for you, Rangers.” In the Federation’s capital, the President and his Senate grew worried. Their worries about Diabolica didn't last long, for a rift into the Warp tore open in the North Pole, the World Eater Traitor Legion emerging, their Primarch at the front. Kras’hir felt this, and grinned widely. She got along well with the Rangers, but she was still a Khornate, and she respected the World Eaters greatly. Hedrian could sense them, as they marched into her throne room.

 

“T-the World Eaters! I’m outta here!” She quickly began packing her things, intending to return to the M51 Galaxy and moving back in with her father, Master Vile. It was her only viable option, lest she want to be killed. Diabolica slapped her, before putting the mark of Chaos Undivided on her head, the same mark he know bore. The Gods were incensed at this, but did nothing...for now. Granted, it wouldn't guarantee victory, but it would give her the same power he had. “You go handle the Rangers.” she told him. “I’ll handle the World Eaters...with help.” At this, the fire-red skeleton that was once her brother Rito Revolto, brandished a massive sword, and roared loudly, charging forward. If he was able to defeat the very first team of Power Rangers, as her father claimed, then imagine what he could do now that he lacked free will and focused entirely on his thousandfold-increased strength. Safe to say, he took Angron head on...and was actually able to keep up with him, which impressed the Legion...until the Primarch got angry, tore off his opponent’s arms, and starting beating him to death with them. Rito, despite lack of arms, still held on. Why wouldn’t he die?!

 

Angron resorted to beating Rito’s head in with his fists, not stopping until there was nothing left but dust. Hedrian, now angry, took on Angron herself...combine her increased power with her expertise in magic...and she got several very good hits in. Unfortunately, with Angron’s temper...she was outmatched until she counterattacked with a vast amount of power. The Primarch was thrown through several walls, landing outside.  Hedrian beat him with her staff, all the while taunting him mercilessly.

 

This was, by far, the stupidest thing she could have done. When she swung her staff for the sixth time, he caught it, and, with a growl, snapped it in half with a casual twist. “Uh-oh…”

 

The resulting uppercut from the enraged Angron sent her sailing miles into the air. She went so far, in fact, her unconscious form crashed through the roof of the Command Center, landing in front of the Rangers, Kras’hir, Omnus and Alpha 8.

 

“Queen Hedrian…” Naruto gasped.

 

“I-is she dead?” Usagi asked.

 

Alpha scanned her. “No, just unconscious.”

 

Kras’hir whistled. “Wow. I mean, it's hilariously easy to piss Angron off, but I haven't seen him punch someone this far since the Slave Incident.”

 

“Did you just say…” began Alpha.

 

Kras’hir cocked a brow. “Finish your thought, whelp.”

 

“My name is Alpha 8.” the robot stated. “...Angron. He couldn’t be here, right Omnus?”

 

He look a long look at Hedrian. “We can ask our guest that when she wakes.”

 

“We can ask Hedrian later!” said Alpha, panicked. “Just look at the Viewing Globe, Omnus!”

 

Kras’hir said, her tone a bit sad, “Did you know Angron used to be a slave? The infant Angron was discovered by a slaver on the world of Nuceria, surrounded by the corpses of alien attackers. Impressed with the child's ferocity, the slaver implanted Angron's cerebral cortex with archeotech devices that enhanced his aggression, and raised him as a gladiator. After years of bloodshed in the arena, Angron led his fellow slaves in a revolt, escaping to the mountains and throwing back repeated attempts to bring them to heel. Just when his brothers and sisters were preparing for their final stand, the Emperor arrived to claim Angron as his son.

Angron refused, and would have died alongside his comrades had the Emperor not taken him by force. Without their leader the gladiators lost all morale and were annihilated, and an embittered Angron only reluctantly took command of the XIIth Legion, renaming them from the War Hounds to the World Eaters. He ordered his Apothecaries to duplicate his implants and subject his legion to the same mental mutilation, and the World Eaters soon earned a reputation as an army of remorseless berserkers. Angron was criticized for his practices and came to blows with Leman Russ and the Space Wolves, but before the Emperor could take further action the Horus Heresy erupted.

It took little convincing from Horus for Angron to side with the traitors against the False Emperor, and the World Eaters fought in some of the bloodiest battles of the Horus Heresy, now claiming skulls for the Blood God. Angron was the first through the breach of the walls of the Imperial Palace, and the last Primarch to leave when the Siege of Terra failed. His World Eaters rampaged their way to the Eye of Terror, where they fractured into multiple psychopathic warbands. Angron is one of the few Daemon Primarchs to have launched major campaigns after the Horus Heresy, most infamously leading a horde of berserkers at the First War for Armageddon.”

 

“That’s not important!” interrupted Alpha.

 

“Well, then, what is?” asked Blackhawk.

 

“...Emperor Diabolica’s returned, and he’s a giant!”

 

Kras’hir said, “If you had an ounce of common sense, you'd be more worried about the band of World Eaters currently rampaging unchecked in the north. Do you think they'll stop? They. Never. Stop. Killing.”

 

She could see that she wasn't convincing anyone, so she growled. “Fine, I'll do it myself.”

 

The Daemoness left before anyone could stop her. Naruto looked at his teammates. “You guys know what to do next, right?”

 

“WE NEED DINOZORD POWER, NOW!” At once the Rangers were teleported into their Zords, each one facing Diabolica.

 

The Emperor looked upon them with nothing but contempt. “Hear me, Rangers. I am Diabolica, Emperor of a thousand worlds, Bane of the Federation, the Wrathful Shadow. All that I see, I will rule, for Chaos has deemed it good to bring me back. Look upon me, and see that which you seek to destroy. Gaze upon death, children, and embrace your own.”

 

“Never.” Naruto said, and the five main Dinozords combined into the Multimegazord. Once the transformation was complete, the mecha brandished its sword, ready for battle. Diabolica drew his own blade, raising it to the sky. “KHARNATH, GRANT ME VICTORY!”

 

His blade burst into flames, the fire black, powered by the damned souls of everyone he had ever killed. Diabolica laughed madly.

 

“Come die, little ones, and embrace the Powers.” Before Diabolica could strike, the Velociraptor and Spinosaurus Zords struck him. He gasped in surprise, but that attack, which would have crippled or even killed him before, didn't do as much as was hoped. He fell to kid knees briefly, before rising again.  With an enraged cry, he drove his blade into the ground beneath, and the entire area erupted with an explosion of flame and boiling rock. Both Zords were caught in the blast. Ebony opened comms, “Velociraptor to Spinosaurus. Do you read? Come in, Blackhawk! COME IN!”

 

Diabolica walked over to the Spinosaurus Zord. “My, that is a pity, isn't it? The little bird had his wings clipped…”

 

The Spinosaurus Zord unloaded its cannons on Diabolica, unleashing its “dakka” as an Ork would say. The rounds tore into him, causing Diabolica to bleed from many bloody wounds. He staggered a bit, but his injuries soon healed, the mark of Chaos Undivided glowing brightly. “You know,” deadpanned Blackhawk. “The fact you have your weak spot growing that brightly gives it away.” At this, he fired more dakka. Diabolica merely chuckled, the rounds glancing harmlessly off the mark. “Do you really believe the Gods to be that foolish?”

 

Then, he heard something...hooves? He could see, in the distance, approaching rhinoceros-like creatures: Juggernauts, ridden by Heralds of Khorne. The heavily armored beasts were snorting and bellowing loudly, their riders doing the same. “Cheers, love!” taunted Ebony, punching Diabolica while he was distracted. “The cavalry's here!”

 

He staggered, before punching her back when she turned away from him. “Ebony!” the Rangers said, using their Multimegazord to pick her Zord up.

 

“Thanks.” she said. “Now let’s give him all we have!” After forming the Velocimultimegazord, they managed to get Blackhawk as close to them so that he could form the Multiultrazord. Once they did, the Rangers smirked underneath their helmets.

 

“Not so tough now, are you?” Naruto and Blackhawk said, before unleashing full firepower.

 

When the dust cleared, it was apparent Tzeentch had plans for Diabolica, for a Lord of Change was in front of him, having absorbed the attack by conjuring a shield.

 

“Oh, so not fair!” Ebony whined.

 

“Apologies.” The Daemon said, who couldn't sound less sorry if he tried. “But my Lord has a plan for him, a plan that you cannot be allowed to end early by killing him.”

 

“What plan?” Naruto asked.

 

“He has plans, child. Plans within plans within plans. All of His schemes pull every mortal in creation along like a puppet on strings. They are not your concern, however. For now, I would be more worried about the Daemoness named Kras’hir.”

 

“Why?” Usagi asked, afraid.

 

He said simply, “She is fighting a losing battle.”

 

With that, he and Diabolica disappeared.

 

Meanwhile, far to the north, Kras’hir and Angron stared each other down. The other World Eaters stood to the side, watching. After a moment, the two bellowed, before charging at each other. Fist met fist, and the resulting shockwave shook the ground around them. Angron smashed his fist into her nose, and blood sprayed. Kras’hir spat, before headbutting him. The Primarch growled, his head snapping back, before he began viciously hitting her in the face, her head snapping side to side as she stumbled backwards. After thirty seconds of this, she caught his fist in her hand, and hit him hard in the throat. The Primarch gagged, then spat blood and saliva in her face. He then hit her hard in the chin, sending her flying. She landed hard, groaning. When she got up, Angron had drawn a chain-sword, the blade buzzing loudly. Angron grinned, his mouth bloody. She spat out a tooth, before rising and drawing her own axe.

 

The two clashed in the center of the clearing they were in, axe against sword. The Rangers quickly teleported into the battlefield, the Multiultrazord having disassembled itself and gone back into their hiding places.

 

Kras’hir growled, bloodlust and rage dominating her mind, “You interfere, I'll kill you all. This is my fight.”

 

Angron shoved her backwards, before driving his chain-sword into her stomach, the whirring blade tearing into her insides.

 

“No.” said Usagi, rushing over. She stared at Angron. “DON’T YOU DARE HURT HER!”

 

The Primarch ripped his blade free, and Kras’hir fell down, the snow beneath her turning red.

 

“Usagi...run…”

 

“No.” she said defiantly. Angron stared her down, before doing something unexpected: Bowing his head, acknowledging her. “Why are you bowing, coward!? Fight me!” This was unexpected coming from Usagi, of all people. He chuckled, raising his blade and gesturing for her to try her luck. Usagi shouted, “WIND STAFF!”, and said weapon appeared in her hands. With a grunt, she charged forward, spinning the staff around and around like a propeller. Angron met her charge, and they clashed. The speed at which she was spinning her staff created a massive gust of wind, powerful enough to push Angron back. Kras’hir tried to rise, groaning in pain, before collapsing again. Angron was surprised by the ferocity and strength Usagi displayed, and impressed. For one so young, she had the spirit of a hundred men. Even more so when she spun the staff around faster, and somehow jammed his chainsword.

 

Omnus watched this through the Viewing Globe, still keeping an eye on their...guest. Hedrian stirred, soon awaking wearily.

 

“Hello, Hedrian.”

 

“...Omnus…” she growled.

 

“Ah, I see you still recall our last meeting. I'm flattered.” He said flatly.

 

“...Why did you bring me here? Where is my husband?!”

 

“You landed here, after making the unfortunate mistake of enraging Angron.” He said, his tone still flat.

 

“That still doesn’t answer the question of where Diabolica is.”

 

“He is in the Warp.”

 

“YOU MEAN YOUR PATHETIC POWER RANGERS KILLED HIM?!” she shrieked.

 

“No. I mean that a Lord of Change stepped in when they fought him, and took him to the Warp.” Omnus answered serenely, his gaze locked on the Viewing Globe. “You should be embarrassed, Your Majesty. One of my Rangers is holding Angron at a draw right now.”

 

“I’m not. I’m...impressed.”

 

“You go for the knife near you, like I can tell you're thinking about doing, I'll break your kneecaps.”

 

He then asked, “What happened to your staff?”

 

“Angron broke it.”

 

“Ah. You know, I can't say I'm glad your husband is alive once again.”

 

“I’m not surprised.” she said flatly. “...What do you plan to do with me? Turn me good like Zordon did with my sister?”

 

“No. I'm actually tempted to kill you after everything you've done.”

 

“Why don’t you, then?” she mocked.

 

He turned and looked at her. “I was an Imperial Inquisitor once. No laws bound me, and I could deal out judgment on whoever I saw fit. I came to find out that, once you kill enough people, you get quite sick at the thought of doing it again. I have billions of deaths on my conscience, Hedrian, and they were people I'd never even met. I would prefer not to add a soul with a face to that list.”

 

“I was trapped in the Digital Realm for 200 years after I fought the Power Rangers Digital Squadron.” she deadpanned. “You’re who knows how many millennia old, and yet you haven’t lost your goodness. I was raised as a galactic princess who knew no sense of good.”

 

“I loved you, once. Have I ever told you that?”

 

Hedrian blushed. “No, you didn’t.”

 

“I did. I wanted you more than anything else. Why do you think I spent so much time trying to impress your father?”

 

“...I..I…” she sputtered. “...Why…? Why did you suspend yourself for thousands of years until you recruited your Rangers?!”

 

“Don't change the subject because your father never taught you right from wrong.” He chided, before realizing what he had just said.

 

“YOU ABANDONED ME FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS! JUST SO YOU COULD FIGHT YOUR FORMER RED RANGER!”

 

He approached her, hesitantly, before gently putting a hand on her shoulder. “DON’T TOUCH ME!”

 

“I have loved you since the day we met, gods help me. I did what I did, knowing that it would hurt, but that it would also protect you. I never anticipated it would break your heart as much as it did…and for that, I am deeply sorry.”

 

Hedrian calmed down. “...Really?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Hedrian kissed him suddenly, her lips upon his. Omnus was...shocked, to say the least, but kissed her back. After what seemed like forever, she pulled away. He blinked at her, caught off guard for the first time in a long while. “...You know why I married Diabolica? Purely so I could strengthen my own forces.”

 

“Of course. I always doubted there was any love there.”

 

“I even considered Fuhrer Hell Saturn. But given his connections to...well, a certain person…”

 

“...Hitler?”

 

“Exactly. Both the first recorded Power Rangers and the team Saturn faced had enemies connected with the Nazis. You are familiar with Dark Kaiser, yes?” ...A Warp creature that manipulated the Nazis into doing his bidding…

 

His gaze snapped back the Viewing Globe when he heard Kras’hir bellow from it, “USAGI! GET AWAY FROM HER, YOU SON OF A BITCH!”

 

Angron had gained the upper hand, and was about to kill Usagi, when Kras’hir tackled him, delivering a vicious beating to the Primarch. The Rangers took the opportunity to assemble their Ultra Power Blaster Cannon, waiting until Kras’hir was done.

 

She eventually finished...twenty minutes later. Angron could barely move, his face covered in cuts and gaping wounds. The Rangers fired a powerful blast at him. This wouldn’t have destroyed him, but hopefully banishing him back to the Warp. It did wound the Primarch even further, but Khorne still wished him to remain, and thus, he did. Angron stood, his wounds beginning to heal rapidly. Kras'hir, who was barely standing, grunted, “I advise we run.”

 

“Right!” the Rangers said, and teleported away. Kras’hir was right behind them. Angron watched them go, before he and his Legion returned to the Warp, waiting until their Lord sent them again, for the enemy they were meant to hunt was no longer on Core Earth.

 

Omnus had, clearly, not expected them to return when they did, as he and Hedrian were in a very...intimate position. “Umm…” said Lettuce. “What are you two doing?”

 

Omnus looked at Hedrian. “Erm...well…”

“We were, erm..battling!”

 

Kras’hir grunted, “Right...just like Usagi and I…”battle.””

 

“Yeeeah…” said Blackhawk, sarcasm dripping.

 

Omnus rolled his eyes at Hedrian. “Yes. We fought so fiercely our clothes flew off. They're not stupid, you know.”

 

“Omnus…” said Naruto. “I’m sorry we failed you. We weren’t able to destroy Diabolica in time, and our army’s already won and going back to the Warp.”

 

Kras’hir failed to hear the rest, becuase she passed out. She woke in a bed. A very large one, granted, but a bed nonetheless. Usagi smiled, dressed in pink pajamas. “Hey there.” she smiled. “Feeling better?”

 

“A kiss would help…” Usagi obliged, and kissed her softly.

 

“My mom kinda freaked out when she first saw you, so I said you were one of my friends who fell asleep in a giant cosplay.”

 

Kras’hir blinked at her. “What?” Usagi tilted her head.

 

“Did you honestly think I’d tell her you were a Khornate daemon?”

 

“No, I get that, but what's a cosplay?”

 

“Like a costume.”

 

“Ah, I see. So...erm...if you don't mind me asking...what happened in your past that makes you so upset when it's brought up?”

 

Usagi explained: she’d already been a superhero before she came to Core Earth known as Sailor Moon, and she’d had to abandon those duties when she moved. Her teammates were also her very best friends, and she’d felt guilty for abandoning them. To top it all off, she was a reincarnation of an ancient princess, and Mamoru had quite literally been destined as her soulmate.

 

“...I hope I'm a good enough replacement.”

 

“You aren’t a replacement. Not in my book.”

 

“Good. Now, where, exactly, are we?” Usagi answered with a passionate kiss, which the Daemoness returned gleefully.

 

Meanwhile, Lettuce had invited Pinkie to his home, which given his status, was a rather large mansion.  They sat on his bed, the freezing cold temperatures making it all the more awkward. “So, ummm…” Lettuce began.

 

Pinkie, never one for hesitation, leaned over and kissed him. Lettuce didn’t return it, lost in his thoughts. She shook him a bit. Lettuce ignored her, turning on the radio, which played Radiohead’s Paranoid Android. Pinkie shook her head, leaving the room. As the sweet voice of Thom Yorke crooned, “Rain down, rain down, come on rain down oooon meeee.../from a great height, from a great heeeeight/heeeeeeight…” Lettuce peeked out after her.

 

“Pinkie…?”

 

She returned, before shutting off his radio. “So, you're perfectly willing to tell me you love me when we're in a dangerous place with our teammates, but when it's just the two of us? Oh, screw you, Pinkie, I'm going to turn on the radio and ignore you.”

 

“No, it isn’t that. I do love you, but...there’s just a lot on my mind.”

 

She turned around, before losing it. “DO. YOU. THINK. IT. IS. ANY. EASIER. FOR. ME?!”

 

Each pause was punctuated by her smashing her hoof into the radio angrily. “It isn’t.” Lettuce answered. “It’s just...what will we do now? We haven’t defeated Diabolica, our powers are fading, and there are probably going to be worse things that are coming...not to mention, the entire planet likely now knows that Chaos is out there.”

 

She pushed him on his back, before getting on top of him. “Worry about all of that in the morning. For now, Lettuce...live with me.”

 

With that, she kissed him again. And this time, he returned it.

 

Meanwhile, Ebony sat in her living room, absentmindedly flipping TV channels and blaring Green Day. As her parents were almost never home due to Ministry work, she felt she could do whatever she wanted. This was a dangerous line of thought, for Chaos lay at the end. Slaanesh had a firm foothold in her mind, and whispered sweet temptations by way of impure thoughts. She heard a knock at the door, and quickly pulled the Cauldron Cakes she made earlier out of the fridge, and poured some coffee. Black, her favorite.

 

The knocking became more insistent. She opened the door. “Hey, Blackhawk. What brings you here?”

 

“We need to talk.”

 

“OK…” she said, darting her eyes away, her tone awkward. “Want some Cauldron Cakes and coffee?”

 

He nodded, stepping inside. She grabbed a couple cups of black coffee and two Cauldron Cakes. Using her magic, she idly stirred sugar into her coffee as she sat on the couch.

 

“So, care to tell me why you saw Draco Malfoy when looking at Slaa-The Dark Prince?” This caused Ebony to do a spit take, and she stared at him.

 

“...What?”

 

“When They asked who we saw, you said Draco Malfoy. Why?”

 

“Umm...uhhh…” Oh shit, she thought.

 

“You were hoping I'd forget, weren't you?”

 

“Ummm..do you need more coffee?”

 

“Don't do that.”

 

“Do what? Offer to get my loving boyfriend more coffee?”

 

“No. Change the subject.”

 

“I’m not changing the subject, you are.” ...That old trick? Really?

 

“Cut the shit and answer my question.” He snapped, frustrated.

 

“I’m not telling you jack shit until you tell me why you’re acting like this.”

 

“The God of Pleasure, who takes the form of whoever the viewer finds most attractive, looks to you like someone who isn't me. How am I supposed to take that?”

 

“Are you accusing me of cheating, you bastard?!”

 

“I am not accusing you of anything. I merely want you tell me why you didn't see me. And, while we're at it, let's talk about the “I'm still a virgin” outburst, shall we?”

 

“You want the truth? Fine. Ever since my fifth year at Hogwarts, people called me the ‘other’ Hogwarts Express.”

 

“...Alright, I can understand that. But who the hell is Draco Malfoy, and why did you see him as opposed to me?”

 

“Because I’M ATTRACTED TO HIM, ALRIGHT?! IT’S IN MY BLOODY FUCKING NATURE AS A VAMPIRE TO SLEEP AROUND!” she snapped, now baring her fangs at him in anger. “BUT THE REASON I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU IS BECAUSE YOU ACTED SO NICE TO ME! MOST OTHER BOYS WOULD JUST HAVE ONE NIGHT STANDS WITH ME!”

 

He stood up. “I see. So a douchebag who abandoned you and treated you like dog shit is more attractive than me, who has treated you like a queen. Makes sense. I'll see myself out, Eb. Thanks for the fucking coffee.”

 

He threw his mug against the wall, shattering it, and walked out without another word. Ebony sat there for several minutes, put in her American Idiot CD on full blast, and skipped to Wake Me Up When September Ends. As soon as the guitar started up, she cried. And cried.

 

Meanwhile, far away, a hooded figure approached a foreboding fortress, surrounded by ice and snow. He told the guards at the gate, “I have business with the Queen.” The guards nodded, and they opened the gates. He walked in, soon entering the throne room. Bowing before her, he said, “Queen Beryl? I am the one men call the Changeling. I have a proposition for you…”

 

And so, he spoke, and laid out a plan, a plan that would shake the very foundations of the galaxy…

[4EverGreen]

Instead of the usual show opening, fancy C.G.I. words float down, which say: "TOTAL CARTOON GLOBAL CRUISE" make a fancy C.G.I. entrance, followed by the words: "Performance Review!" Clips from previous episodes are shown! /

Zarbon scoffs and says: “So SUE me! It was JUST a suggestion!” / Bulma says: “He could be ruining your game plan right about now!” / Dudley says: “What else were we supposed to do?! It's not like we had time to form an investigation team!” / Suzie is riled, and says: “How DARE Zarbon try to trick me like THAT?! Well, fool me once, shame on YOU! But you’re NOT fooling me a second time! I’m wise to your stunts NOW, Zarbon and Bulma! You are NEVER going to get me to distrust Otto’s loyalty to ME ever again! And if you’re watching this Marlene, I’m sorry that I voted you off. I honestly didn’t know. I hope we can be friends after this!” / Sniz starts singing: “She's gone, she's gone! Oh, why?! Oh, why?! I better learn how to face it! She's gone; she's gone! Oh, why?! Oh, why?! I'd pay the devil to replace her! She's gone; she's gone! Oh, why?! What went wrong?!” / General Barracuda says: “I just LOVE the smell of Napalm in the morning! It SMELLS like VICTORY!” / Sniz sings: “I want to know what love is! I want you to show me! I want to feel what love is! I know you can SHOW me!” / Skipper mournfully says: “Don’t tell me that I have to FLY with Wally?! Suzie, TRADE with me!” / Skipper asks: “Why does Suzie HATE me? Did I do something AWFUL to her in a past life-time?! Whatever it was, I’m SORRY already!” / Captain Retro yells: “My FUR!!!! You shot my FUR!!!!” / Zarbon honestly asks: “How was I supposed to know that Captain Retro COULD dodge a surprise attack that FAST?!!!” / Captain Retro asks: “Did you just PUNCH out Cthulu?!” / Bulma screams: “You are not meeting ANYBODY on ANY field of BATTLE! I NEED YOU HERE!!!!” / Captain Retro says: “I use the PERFECT decoy! If Zarbon ever tries to start a fight with ME; I step out and let CHAMELEON turn INTO me, and fight Zarbon in my place!” / Skipper mockingly says: “Not everyone has some nefarious plan up their SLEEVES, Skipper!” / Skipper yells: “I NEED to WIN THIS SEASON!!!! I HAVE to AVENGE MARLENE!!!!” / General Barracuda chuckles and says: “Landed this plane like a BOSS!!!!” / Bulma screams: “You keep your BIG mouth SHUT!!!! Or do you WANT to get eliminated the way Gonard and Po were ELIMINATED?!!!” / Rocko says: “Try to eliminate me, and it will LEAD to your OWN downfall!” / Zarbon seriously says: “This deal just keeps getting WORSE all the time!” / Zarbon gasps and asks: “I'm...hurting people?” /

Patrick says: “Bulma is SMILING!!!! That's NEVER a good SIGN!!!!” / Bulma screams: “GO JUMP IN THE OCEAN!!!!” / Zarbon says: “Bulma, I'm tired of hurting people. It's NOTHING but trouble!” / Zarbon seriously says: “You cannot be SERIOUS!” / Reggie scoffs and says: “I'd trust anyone ELSE before I'd trust YOU; Mr. CRAZY!!!!” / Skipper seriously says: “Listen, you LIZARD; let’s get ONE thing straight! With the exception of MARLENE, I take orders from just ONE person/penguin; ME!!!!” Patrick chuckles and says: “It’s a wonder you’re still alive!” / Dudley says: “Note to self: throwing darts is NOT one of my better skills!” / Bulma asks: “What is THIS?! Bargain discount day for challenges?!” / Bulma seriously says: “Spin and get 100. I want to WATCH you!” /

Zarbon trembles and says: “I have no CHOICE! My GODLY beauty is all I've got!!!!” / Captain Retro says: “NO, Zarbon don't TRUST her!!!!” / Skipper seriously says: “This is a VERY important matter! No matter what, we CAN’T allow either Zarbon or Bulma to WIN an immunity today!” / Bulma chuckles, and says: “Bette Davis; eat your HEART out!” / Suzie says: “My worst nightmare; is losing my voice, and being caught LIP-SYNCING on stage!” / Reggie says: “My worst nightmare; having to be in an eating competition, eating UNHEALTHY nacho chips!” / Suzie scoffs, and says: “You know, you COULD give it a SHOT, and, PRETEND to be NICE!!!!” / Reggie says: “I am SO ready to be DONE with Bulma!” / Bulma looks into a giant TV monitor, and she sees that her face looks incredibly OLD and WRINKLED, her hair is gray, and she is WEARING the type of clothes she was WEARING when she was nine years old; Bulma screams: “Oh my LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” / Captain Retro nervously says: “Bees…why did it HAVE to be BEES?!” / Bulma says: “Of COURSE I framed Snaptrap! DUH!!!! I’m the one with ALL the BRAINS in this challenge! Now I’m going to use them to MY benefit!” /

Zarbon happily says: “You CAME for me, Bulma! I KNEW that you TRULY loved me!” Bulma looks at him slowly, and with UTTER sincerity, she charmingly says: “Oh, Zarbon, if only somebody truly DID love you; YOU STUPID LITTLE FOOL!!!!” /Zarbon yells: “I LOVED YOU!!!! I TRUSTED YOU!!!! I gave you EVERYTHING, and now I find out that you TREATED it like DIRT?!!! WHY?!!!” / Bulma scoffs and says: “I’m not some Marvel Comics Book Villain Character!!!! Do you think I would be TELLING you all this if I thought there was a CHANCE you could CONVINCE anybody?!!! I told everybody about ALL of your dirty secrets thirty minutes ago!!!!” / Bulma says: “But I SAW you fight Zarbon!!!!” Chameleon asks: “Or DID you?!!!” And Chameleon TRANSFORMS into the exact likeness of Captain Retro! / Reggie says: “Who am I voting for? Well, Bulma is a gigantic PAIN in the REAR!!!! But I made a promise, and I’m voting off Zarbon.” / A bandaged Zarbon, nervously says: “Bulma is BLUFFING! She HAS to be BLUFFING!!!! Everyone can’t TRULY hate me! I’ve still got a CHANCE to win this! RIGHT?!” / Reggie gasps and says: “So Snaptrap truly DIDN’T try to eliminate me!” Captain Retro says: “No, but BULMA did! And if I don’t stop her soon, Bulma will SURELY try to eliminate you AGAIN, BEFORE you reach the Final Five!” / Anti-Timmy creepily says: “You have the PRECIOUS!!!! You STOLE it from us! Return our PRECIOUS, or we HATES you! We HATES you FOREVER!!!!” / Skipper says: “Lousy excuse for a CLIP show, called it!” Patrick says: “Ignore him!” / Bulma rolls her eyes, and says: “MAN!!!! I HATE walking!” / Patrick says: “Bulma is definitely a brat, but Angelica was LEGITIMATELY dangerous! She HAD to be eliminated early! Otherwise, I don’t think the REST of us would BE here right now!” / Bulma sarcastically says: “I WISH you actually HAD a CHANCE against me!” Captain Retro seriously says: “Be careful what you WISH for, you just might GET it!” Bulma seriously says: “I usually do!” / Bulma angrily says: “I HATE it when I get BURNED!” / Bulma scoffs, and says: “Her real name isn't BLONDA! It's RIO!” / Bulma seriously says: “Skipper is going DOWN! Skipper is going DOWN! Skipper is going DOWN!!!!” / Bulma says: “Loyalty doesn’t BUY you a slot in the Final Five! Sheer BRAIN power does!” / The Man says: “I AM GERO!!!! The GREAT and POWERFUL!!!! Who are YOU?! WHO ARE YOU?!!!” /

Bulma says: “I live beautifully and intelligently, in West City with my Mom and Dad!” / Captain Retro gets mad, and he says: “You know what STINKS about YOU, Bulma?! You HAVE the BRAINS, you HAVE the MONEY, you have GOOD looks, you even have FAME, and you're STILL miserable!!!!” Bulma sputters and she asks: “You THINK that you're HAPPIER than ME?!!!” Captain Retro seriously says: “Miss, Ma'am, Ms., whichever title you prefer, I KNOW that I am HAPPIER than you!” /

Captain Retro sighs and says: “Sad to say; sometimes, evil is PETTY; and I don't mean Tom Petty!” / Captain Retro says: “I expected MORE from you, Bulma, but this is just SAD!!!! How stupid do you think I am?!” / Bulma FINALLY loses it, and SCREAMS: “Why aren't my plans WORKING?!!!” / Bulma desperately yells: “Captain Retro, SAVE me!!!!” / Bulma asks: “How is everything OKAY?!” Captain Retro says: “I'm saying that everything is going to BE okay!” / Patrick says: “Even in a situation like this, the other contestants STILL feel the need to insult me! Can't I EVER get a BREAK this season?!” / Anti-Timmy says: “Where's a cliff, where's a CLIFF?! Where's the Grand Canyon when we NEED it?!” / Bulma sourly says: “I've REALLY got to learn how to stop talking when I'm only SLIGHTLY behind!” / Bulma nervously says: “Come ON! What is this about ANYWAYS?! Is it because I convinced Sniz to THROW you off the plane FIRST as a JOKE?! Is it because I convinced Guano and Snaptrap to convince the rest of Team Doom to vote YOU off FIRST?! Does this have to do with the fact that I had Kaput and Taotie torture you and TORMENT you with hideous scientific experiments until you grew all UGLY and DEFORMED?! Is this because I MADE you eat all those votes for Oonski and fit you with an Electronic Collar?! Is this because I tried to shoot you back in the Congo?! Is it because I tied you up into a pretzel shape, and left you to STARVE in the Cargo Hold?!” Anti-Timmy GROWLS angrily, as if to indicate that it's ALL of those things! /

Bulma angrily says: “I'm just TOTALLY NOT helping my case at all, am I?! Why can't I STOP talking when I'm only SLIGHTLY behind?!” / Otto Rocket THROWS his ring TOWARDS the edge of the mesa, and Anti-Timmy screams: “MY PRECIOUS!!!!” And Anti-Timmy quickly RUNS out for it, leaps, and catches it, but he is COMPLETELY oblivious that he is FALLING towards CHAMELEON, who has JUST managed to transform into a volcano, FULL of LAVA, and he HITS the lava with a SICKENING SPLASH as he starts to get BOILED away into NOTHINGNESS! Cosmo yells: “WANDA!!!! I think we're going to need another TIMMY!!!!” Wanda says: “You've been waiting seventeen YEARS, just to say that LINE, haven't you?!” Cosmo coyly says: “MAYBE!!!!” / Bulma pleads: “I could FINALLY be a QUEEN!!!!” Rocko exasperated, says: “You're NOT fit to be Queen of...NAME a PLACE!!!!” Bulma asks: “Barstow, California?” Randolph says: “ESPECIALLY Barstow, California!” / Captain Retro says: “Losing to Skipper? Tragic; but I'll settle for Bulma Briefs going down!” / Captain Retro says: “Bulma Briefs, you have been a HORRIBLE contestant this season, and you've caused nothing but AGONY and GRIEF to our former contestants!” / Bulma screams: “WHY COULDN'T I JUST LEARN TO KEEP MY BIG, GIGANTIC, FAT MOUTH SHUT?!!!” / Dr. Gero angrily says: “Do NOT arouse the WRATH of the GREAT and POWERFUL Gero! I SAID, 'Come back TOMORROW!'” / Captain Retro PULLS the Green Curtain to REVEAL a tall, OLD, Sinister, fairly UGLY man! Dr. Gero, through a microphone and operating controls, says: “Do YOU presume to CRITICIZE the GREAT Gero?! You UNGRATEFUL creature, should think yourself LUCKY, that I'm giving you an audience TOMORROW, instead of TWENTY years from NOW!!!!” Dr. Gero looks back and says: “OH!!!!” Dr. Gero speaks into the microphone and says: “The GREAT Gero HAS spoken!” Dr. Gero panics and says: “OH!!!!” And he pulls the curtain shut! Dr. Gero shouts: “Pay no attention to the MAN behind the CURTAIN!!!! The GREATEST Gero has SPOKEN!!!!” / Bulma screams: “NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Bulma cries tears, and she says: “It's all been a JOKE!!!! My entire RUN this season has been just a CRUEL, SICK Joke!” / Patrick says; “Uh, I'm Patrick; and my special skill is...well; I'm still HERE, aren't I?!” /

Captain Retro says: “At this point, the only chance I could POSSIBLY have in the next challenge, is if we ended up doing some weird, India Bollywood challenge; where the object was to sing, and act, while creating some really pretty art!” /Sniz says: “YOU try coming up with 46 different locations for a game show! It was either, Pakistan Karakoram Challenge, or some weird, India Bollywood challenge involving singing, acting, and art!” / Reggie asks: “Running?” Captain Retro says: “Bingo!” Patrick asks: “We're playing BINGO?!” Captain Retro seriously shouts: “WANDA!!!!” Wanda wearily says: “UH!!!!” And she poofs up a Frying Pan of Doom, and HITS Patrick with it! / Everyone is horrified and SHOCKED, to see Angelica Pickles BREAK her way through the BOX!!!! Suzie screams: “AUGH!!!!!!!!!!!” Captain Retro is even shocked, and he yells: “Oh, NO!!!!” / Angelica says: “You are going to play, and you are going to fight, and you are most CERTAINLY going to get ME to the FINAL THREE!!!!” Suzie defiantly says: “NEVER!!!! I refuse to do ANYTHING for you as it violates my PERSONAL religion!” Patrick asks: “Which religion would THAT be?! Suzie seriously says: “ANY religion, which prohibits me from having to WORK with an INSANE, DERANGED, potentially MURDEROUS psychopath!!!!” / Angelica says: “Consequences, schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich.” / Angelica angrily asks: “Are YOU THREATENING me?!” General Barracuda angrily replies: “So WHAT if he IS?!!!” / Katie says: “The main reason I like Captain Retro? He likes me for WHO I am! Not WHAT I am!!!! I mean...oh, you know what I mean!” / Angelica scoffs, and she says: “COME ON!!!! LIKE YOU WOULD ACTUALLY DO IT?! You're REGGIE ROCKET!!!! YOU are FRIENDS with EVERYBODY!!!!” But Angelica LOOKS at REGGIE'S face, and Angelica can see that Reggie's face looks QUITE sour!!!! Angelica actually GETS an epiphany, and she says: “My GOD!!!! You actually WOULD; wouldn't you?!!!” /

Captain Retro says: “First of all, I have an ACTUAL name; it's Matthew Muttson!!!! If you're going to THREATEN me, do it PROPERLY!!!! Second of all, you're NUTS if you think I'm going to let you get anywhere NEAR the Final Five!” / Angelica screams: “OH, SHUT UP!!!!” / Angelica screams: “EVERYONE has a PRICE!!!! Just name it, and I'll PAY it!!!! There's got to be SOMETHING that YOU want!!!!” Captain Retro says: “There are a LOT of things that I might want; but they ALL pale in comparison to what I NEED!!!!” / Angelica screams: “It's the FINAL SIX!!!! The final SIX you FREAKING MORON!!!! I've ALREADY MADE IT!!!! I'm ALREADY HERE!!!! NOTHING BAD can POSSIBLY HAPPEN to ANGELICA FREAKING PICKLES NOW!!!! I am the most POPULAR NICKTOON EVER!! I am NOT LOSING to no STUPID MONGREL; and I'm certainly NOT LOSING to NO BRAIN-DEAD PATRICK!!!!” / Angelica sourly says: “Oh, who wants to win this STUPID game show ANYWAYS?!!! I DID!!! I DID!!!! I NEVER GET to WIN this FREAKING GAME SHOW!!!! NEVER!!!! NEVER!!!! NEVER!!!! I NEVER want to be on this STUPID game show AGAIN for as LONG as I live!!!! And GOOD LUCK getting any GOOD ratings WITHOUT me!!!!” / The clips finally end, and the words "TOTAL CARTOON GLOBAL CRUISE" make a fancy exit off-screen! / “Performance Review: Total Cartoon Global Cruise's Greatest Hits” /

The episode opens up properly, and this time, Eliza and Darwin are wearing FANCY Hollywood clothes, in a FANCY Hollywood, California theater! Eliza says: “Welcome to a very special Performance Review! Today, we are coming to you ALMOST live, from Hollywood, California; where the long-awaited finale of Total Cartoon Global Cruise is set to take place in just four more episodes!” And the in-theater audience loudly cheers at the announcement! Darwin says: “It's taken us much longer than we thought it ever would, but we are finally ready to present our Final Performance Review of the season, by playing to you the twenty of the GREATEST hit songs that have EVER been sung, on this show!” Eliza says: “And while we do that, we will also be interviewing the contestants who have been eliminated since our LAST Performance Review! Wally the Rocket Monkey!” Darwin says: “A recorded interview with Rocko, the Wallaby!” Eliza says: “A recorded interview with Dudley, the T.U.F.F. Puppy!” Darwin says: “Zarbon, the Narcissian!” Eliza says: “The highly controversial Bulma Briefs!” And the audience LOUDLY boos at THAT statement! Darwin says: “All right, get it out of your system!” Eliza says: “Angelica Pickles, with Snaptrap!” Darwin says: “And last, but CERTAINLY not least, Captain Retro!” Eliza says: “And with us as always, our panel of previously eliminated contestants!” Buhdeuce says: “Haggis, I hear they've got some NEW guy voicing Scrooge McDuck now! What's his name?” Haggis says: “David Tennant. I think he used to be inDoctor Who; or something like that.”

Darwin says: “Our first guest tonight, is Wally, the Rocket Monkey!” Eliza says: “Allying himself with Captain Retro early on in the game, proved to be a move that provided him with a great friendship that endured through thick and thin!” Darwin says: “Always ready to lend a hand, Wally proved that no matter how hard things got, he would always be there for his friends in the end.” Eliza says: “He had a battle of self-doubt, when his actions caused Marlene to be voted out.” Darwin says: “But he redeemed himself by PUNCHING Zarbon in the face GOOD, before deciding to eliminate himself, as part of Captain Retro's plan to keep everyone else safe!” Eliza says: “Now, from a long, long, time ago from a galaxy far, far away—WHOOPS!!!! I'm thinking of something ELSE there! In any case, here's WALLY!!!!” And Wally zooms in on a jet-pack, and hovers himself down to a seat on the stage! Wally says: “I'll be honest with you; I definitely amazed even MYSELF on this game show! Who would have thought that a Rocket Monkey like ME could have EVER made it as far as I did?!” Darwin says: “You should be proud of yourself! You certainly proved more capable than your show EVER hinted that you could be!” Wally says: “I just needed a show where I could show off my TRUE talents and strengths! Now that I've been on this show, I think people will finally respect me for the hero I can TRULY be!” Eliza asks: “Wally, are you BADLY hurt by the way that Zarbon and Bulma targeted YOU for elimination?”

Wally says: “Physically? No. Emotionally? Very much, so! Of course, I was HARDLY the only one! I'm just glad that I was able to show ZARBON what I truly thought of his partnership with BULMA before I left the game! That, and being able to participate in MANY of the great hit songs that were sung throughout this season!” Darwin says: “Speaking of, it's time to start presenting the Top 20 hit songs that have been played on Total Cartoon Global Cruise throughout this season, played in chronological order!” Eliza says: “We will start with the LEAST recent hit song, and finish with the MOST recent hit song!” Darwin says: “We hope you enjoy watching this retrospective as we did compiling it!” /

Note: All songs are presented in their original format. /#20: Genre: The Rolling Stones. Song: "Start Me Up!" Sung by: Cast. / Captain Retro: "If you start me up; If you start me up I'll never stop. If you start me up; If you start me up I'll never stop." Marlene: "I've been running hot, you got me ticking, gonna blow my top." Spongebob: "If you start me up, if you start me up I'll never stop, never stop, never, never, never, never!" Cast, minus Otto and Heffer: "You make a grown man cry, you make a grown man cry, you make a grown man cry!" Craig: "Spread out the oil, the gasoline!" Sanjay: "I walk smooth, ride in a mean, mean machine; start it up!" Jimmy: "If you start it up, kick on the starter give it all you got, you got, you got." Dib: "I can't compete with the riders in the other heats." Dog: "If you rough it up, if you like it you can slide it up, slide it up, slide it up, slide it up!" Cast, minus Otto and Heffer: "Don't make a grown man cry, don't make a grown man cry, don't make a grown man cry." Heffer, drowzily: "My eyes dilate, my lips go green." Twister: "My hands are greasy, she's a mean, mean machine, start it up." Wally: "If you start me up, give it all you got; You got to never, never, never, never stop!" (In the back of the plane) Timmy Turner: "Never, you'll never eliminate me!" Roger: "Slide it up, slide it up, never stop, never stop." Patty: "Never, never!" Cast, minus Otto and Heffer: "You make a grown man cry, you make a grown man cry, you make a grown man cry." Zarbon: "Ride like the wind at double speed, I'll take you places that you've never, never seen! YEAH!!!!" Judy: "Start it up!" Reggie and Rocko: "Love the day when we will never stop, never stop, never stop, never stop!" Tigress: "Tough me up!" Po: "Never stop, never stop, never stop, never stop!" Suzie, to Otto: "You, you, don't lose your chance to shine!" Otto sighs and sings: "No, no! This whole thing really SUCKS!!!! Oh, oh! This whole thing REALLY sucks!!!!" And the song ends! /

Eliza says: “Impressive! You actually managed to shine even WAY back in the first episode of this season during that song! Not an easy feat with the large amount of contestants we started off with!” Wally says: “I certainly wouldn't have been able to predict that I was going to be able to endure as long as I did way back THEN!!!! Once season 4 comes along, I hope I can make a good showing in THAT season as well!” Darwin says: “One last question; who are you rooting for to win amongst the Final Five contestants?” Wally says: “It's got to be either Suzie or Reggie. They're the ONLY two members of Team Retro left!” Eliza says: “Thank you for your time. Please take a seat amongst your fellow contestants!” And using his jet-pack, Wally zooms over and settles down next to King Julien!” King Julien says: “Feel welcome to sit here! We primates have got to stick together!” Darwin says: “Our next contestant--!” A familiar voice says: “Yoo-hoo! Anybody MISS me?! Your one and only favorite BLONDA is here!!!!” And Blonda zooms in on a magical surf-board, wearing a yellow swim-suit and a FAKE bronze tan! Eliza groans, and says: “Blonda! Don't you have an ANIMATED show that NEEDS to be CANCELLED?!” Blonda says: “Nope! Been there, done that, FAR too many times to count! Besides, I thought you LIKED the unique perspective that I have to give on things!” Twister asks: “UNIQUE?! That's ONE way to put it!” Blonda says: “I would have been here SOONER; but some 'GENIUS'; and by 'genius', I mean that HORRIBLY stupid COSMO; accidentally sent me the WRONG directions to Hollywood, FLORIDA!!!!” Norbert says: “That WASN'T an ACCIDENT!!!! From what I heard, you WEREN'T wanted!” Blonda asks: “Not want--?! Well; this is...awkward! I was HOPING that it was merely due to some oversight!”

Darwin says: “Just for the record; I had NOTHING to do with that idea! I certainly bear no ill will to you, DESPITE all the times you threatened to REPLACE Eliza with Mila Kunis!” Eliza says: “Which, FOR the record; NEVER going to HAPPEN!!!!” Blonda says: “Too bad. Would've brought in more RATINGS in my opinion!” Treeflower rolls her eyes and says: “Like SHE would be the expert on what would bring in ratings!” Blonda says: “Look! I'm not here to cause trouble, nor do I wish to START any! I'm not an IDIOT like that brain-dead Angelica Pickles is! Can I at least STAY and watch?! And MAYBE comment if the need arises?!” Darwin says: “As long as you promise to keep it appropriate!” Blonda scoffs and says: “Don't confuse me with Angelica Pickles! I'm not a swearer like SHE is!” Eliza sighs, and says: “Fine! Just...take a seat BEFORE we change our minds!” And Blonda picks a seat next to Larry. Blonda says: “And just to let YOU know, I don't bear any ill will towards YOU or Spongebob, either! I was just trying to make the competition more interesting!” Larry says: “Well, the NEXT time you decide to make the competition more interesting, do it with some OTHER contestants!” Blonda scoffs, and says: “Like I'd EVER compete in this game show AGAIN!!!!” Darwin says: “Like I was saying before I was so RUDELY interrupted; our next contestant WOULD have been Rocko Wallaby; but thanks to the Final Six special deal; he got to go back and become a paired partner with Reggie Rocket!” Heffer says: “Go, Rocko! I believe in you, man!” Eliza says: “However, we WERE able to obtain a recorded interview with him before he had to go back! Here it is, right now!” / (Recorded earlier) Darwin says: “Rocko; how do you feel on being the only contestant in the history of this show, to have made the Top Ten contestants, competing on each season of this show, ALL three times?!” Rocko says: “Quite accomplished! And if it hadn't have been for the scheming of Zarbon and Bulma, I probably could have lasted a couple more challenges! Not that I'm complaining. I'm proud of the game I played in any case!” Eliza says: “You and Reggie have one of the most reliable relationships seen on this show! Do you believe that your support will help Reggie go all the way to the Final Five?!” Rocko says: “Not only that, but I believe she has the ability to WIN it all!” Darwin says: “Thank you for your time and support!” (End Interview) / Eliza says: “And now, it's time for our NEXT rocking song on our countdown! One that Rocko helped to participate in, and make a REALLY rocking hit for everyone to listen to! We hope you enjoy it!” /

#19: Genre: Pop Rock. Sub-Genre: San Francisco 1980's Pop Rock. Song: "We Built This City (On Rock and Roll!)" Sung by: Cast. / Cast: "We built this city, we built this city on rock and roll! We built this city, we built this city on rock and roll!!!!" (Instrumental solo) Captain Retro: "Say, 'you don't know me, or recognize my face!'" Guano: "Say, 'you don't care who goes to that kind of place!'" Sanjay: "Knee deep in the hoopla, sinking in your fight!" Craig: "Too many runaways eating up the night!" Skipper: "Marlene plays the Mamba, listen to the radio!" Stimpy: "Don't you remember? We built this city." Lil: "We built this city on rock and roll!" Cast: "We built this city, we built this city on rock and roll! Built this city, we built this city on rock and roll!" (Instrumental solo) Marlene: "Someone always playing corporation games. Who cares? They're always changing corporation names! We just want to dance here, someone stole the stage! They call us irresponsible, write us off the page!" Treeflower: "Marlene plays the Mamba, listen to the radio!" Rocko: "Don't you remember? We built this city!" Reggie: "We built this city on rock and ROLL!!!!" Cast: "We built this city, we built this city city on rock and roll! We built this city, we built this city on rock and roll!" (Guitar Solo) Judy: "It's just another Sunday." Patty: "In a tired old street." Snaptrap: "Police have got the choke hold, oh!" Kaput: "Then we just lost the beat!" Taotie: "Who counts the money, underneath the bar?!" Zarbon: "Who rides the wrecking ball in two rock guitars?!" Marlene: "Don't tell us you need us!" Captain Retro: "Cause we're the ship of fools!" Captain Retro and Marlene: "Looking for America, coming through your schools!" (Instrumental solo) Norbert: "Don't you remember? Remember, remember?" Daggett: "Marlene plays the Mamba!" Randolph: "Listen to the radio!" Dog: "Don't you remember? We built this city!" Spongebob: "We built this city on rock and roll!" Cast: "We built this city, we built this city on rock and roll! Built this city, we built this city on rock and roll! Built this city! (WOW!!!!) We built this city on rock and roll! Built this city, we built this city on rock and roll, OHHH!!!! They'll say that we built, we built this city on; say that we built, we built this city! Say that we built, we built this city on; say that we built, we built this city! Say that we built, we built this city on; say that we built, we built this city! Say that we built, we built this city on; say that we built, we built this city!" / And the epic song ends! /

Blonda asks: “Question! When will we get to the songs that include ME in them?!” Darwin seriously says: “Let me put it this way; we'll get to them only IF and/or WHEN we get to them! Is that FINE with YOU?!” Blonda groans, and says: “Oh, very well! So let's GET on with it already!” Eliza says: “Our next contestant would have been Dudley, but; like Rocko, he got to be a part of the Final Six Special Deal, and become a paired partner with Chameleon!” Keswick says: “He's got all the skills to help make Chameleon make it far! I'm certainly confidant about THAT much!” Darwin says: “But, like Rocko, we WERE able to obtain a recorded interview with him before he had to go back! Here it is, right now!” / (Recorded earlier) Eliza says: “Dudley, you've been very kind and generous throughout your career, as well as this show. Most notably, your relationship with Chameleon. Why do you think the two of you have connected in the way that you have?” Dudley says: “While I certainly have never lacked for friends, I think the reason I wanted to reach out to him, was mostly due to sympathy and empathy to his dilemma. I can't stand seeing someone BE without any friends! I think that he just needed a positive influence in his life, to show that he COULD be good, and could have a LOT of friends if he used his abilities for good instead of bad! And with my help, Chameleon has done a lot of good throughout this season, and I just know that he will continue to do good in the future!” Darwin says: “Speaking of good; do you believe that Chameleon will do well in the upcoming Final Five challenges?” Dudley says: “Who can say? All I know is, that Keswick and I are already proud of him for coming as far as he has!” Eliza says: “Thank you for your time and honesty in this interview.” (End Interview) / Darwin says: “Dudley certainly has been no stranger to making some of our hit songs be as rocking as they are! And we've got an example for you RIGHT here, in the next rocking number of our count-down! We hope you enjoy it! /

#18: Genre: Punk Dance. Sub-Genre: The B-52's. Song: "Private Idaho!" Sung by: Cast, minus Treeflower and Harvey Beaks. / Captain Retro: "Whoo-hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, whoo-hoo, hoo, whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo! You're living in your own Private Idaho, living in your own Private Idaho!" Marlene: "Underground like a wild potato!" Stimpy: "Don't go on the patio!" Tigress: "Beware of the pool, blue bottomless pool." Po: "It leads you straight right through the gate that opens on the pool." Cast: "You're living in your own Private Idaho! You're living in your own Private Idaho!" Heffer: "Keep off the path, beware of the gate!" Monster: "Watch out for signs that say 'hidden driveways'!" Spongebob: "Don't let the chlorine in your eyes blind you to the awful surprise that's waiting for you at the bottom of the bottomless blue, blue, blue pool!" Norbert: "You're living in your own Private Idaho. Idaho." Phoebe: "You're out of control, the rivers that roll, you fell into the water and down to Idaho!" Keswick: "Get out of that state, get out of that state you're in!" Taotie: "You better beware!" Pearl and Lil: "You're living in your own Private Idaho! You're living in your own Private Idaho!" Twister: "Keep off the patio." Suzie: "Your own Private Idaho!" Stanley: "Keep off the path!" Angelica: "Your own Private Idaho!" Wally: "The lawn may be green but you better not be seen walking through the gate that leads you down!" Dudley: "Down to a pool fraught with danger!" Chameleon: "Is a pool full of strangers!" (Drum solo, several contestants fall off into the water). Reggie: "Hey! You're living in your own Private Idaho! Where do I go from here to a better state than this?" Rocko: "Well, don't be blind to the big surprise swimming round and round like the deadly hand of a radium clock!" Zarbon: "At the bottom of the pool!" (Guitar solo). Globitha: "I-I-I-daho, I-I-I-daho. Woah, oh, oh, woah, oh, oh, woah, oh, oh!" Girls: "Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!" Robot: "Get out of that state! Get out of that state!" Cast: "You're living in your own Private Idaho!" Oonski: "Living in your own Private....Idaho!!!!" /

Daggett says: “That was sure fun! RIGHT; DAD?!!!” Oonski shouts: “How many times do I have to tell you that I DON'T want to TALK about it?!!!” Sway-Sway says: “Once would be nice! If you showed some COURTESY to your own fur and blood, we just MIGHT be willing to deliver bread to YOU, once in a while!” Oonski thinks about it, and says: “All right. Maybe I could be willing to take you out to buy some ice cream, one of these days.” Daggett says: “THANK YOU, DAD!!!!” Oonski seriously says: “DON'T push it!” Eliza says: “Our next eliminated contestant had a...complicated time on this show. Due in no small part to the fact that he was USED by Bulma Briefs, in order to further her OWN end game!” Darwin says: “Even so, he STILL gets tons of Internet fan-mail and fan-art, by people who are just ADORED by his Orlando Bloom type beauty!” Eliza says: “And now, having finally fully healed from his hospital stay; here is the Narcissian himself, Zarbon!!!!” And Zarbon walks on-stage with a VERY beautiful female, who looks like a SHORTER, more feminine, and just as pretty as he is, Narcissian alien! Blonda says: “Hold IT!!!! Who is THAT with him?!!!” Zarbon says: “This is my GIRLFRIEND; Zarasa!!!! You know; the GIRLFRIEND I MENTIONED to EVERYONE about a TRILLION times throughout this season!!!! I THOUGHT it would have been OBVIOUS!!!!” Back-stage, Angelica shouts: “You MEAN all that (BLEEP!!!!) he was TALKING about his girlfriend was TRUE?!!! Are THEY still CENSOR SWEARING me?!!! THAT'S (BLEEP!!!!)” Darwin says: “It seems we had some DOUBTERS among our contestants, as to the validity of whether or not you actually HAD a girlfriend, Zarbon! I think that THEY thought that you were JUST making her up!” Zarbon asks: “Why would I make something like that UP?!!! And F.Y.I., I'm probably LUCKY Bulma HURT me the way she did! Zarasa might have never come BACK to me otherwise!” Eliza says: “Let's take a peek back-stage and see what BULMA has to say about it!” /

A screen shows Angelica BUSY trying to shout every bad word she can THINK of, and SEVERAL that she MAKES up on the spot, only to be BLEEPED every single time, while Bulma's head is in her hands in utter despair, while Captain Retro and Katie are busy kissing each other. Bulma says: “I am DEAD!!!! I am DEAD!!!! I am dead, dead, DEAD!!!! They're going to ROAST me ALIVE out there! Zarbon's GIRLFRIEND is actually REAL?!!! Now I actually feel AWFUL about all the THINGS I said and DID to Zarbon, which I honestly NEVER thought I COULD feel about ANYONE; let alone Zarbon!!!!” Captain Retro shouts: “Would you CUT that non-sense OFF?!!!” Bulma says: “WHAT?! I'm TRYING to have an actual moment of heartfelt EPIPHANY here!” Katie says: “Not YOU; HER!!!!” Angelica FINALLY stops SCREAMING and yells: “You want a PIECE of ME, Blondie?!” Katie says: “At least I'm a REAL blonde, unlike YOU!!!!” Angelica says: “How DARE you?!” Captain Retro says: “If I were you, Bulma; I'd make some serious thoughts as to HOW you were going to APOLOGIZE to Zarbon for what you've done!” Bulma says: “Will you protect him from KILLING me?!” Captain Retro says: “Fortunately for you; HE'S not allowed to kill you on THIS or any other show!” Bulma says: “THANK you! I feel SO much better!” / And the footage switches back to the studio! Darwin says: “I can't BELIEVE they thought you were making that whole girlfriend bit, up!” Zarbon says: “You know, it's probably partially MY fault! I never SHOWED them any PICTURES of my girlfriend! For all they knew, I could have been making the whole thing up! Not that I ever WOULD have!” Zarasa says: “Zarbon, you say the sweetest things!” Zarbon says: “Zarasa, you make all the pain and agony I suffered on this season, worth seeing you again!” And they kiss each other!

Buhdeuce says: “I just LOVE a happy ending!” Globitha says: “Me, to! I'm sure glad I got MINE with Robot!” Robot says: “And me to, with you!” Eliza says: “I know this must be a HARD question to ask you, but how do you feel about your role throughout this entire season?” Zarbon says: “No question about it. I REALLY messed up! Not just in the role I thought I could play towards making this season interesting, but also, in the very way I viewed women in general! I thought that because I LOOKED the way I did; the way I sounded, and because of all my abilities, I thought that EVERY women wanted me, and would do ANYTHING to BE with me! I thought no woman could ever POSSIBLY betray me! It took all of Bulma's schemes to realize that NOT every woman wants to be with me; I shouldn't view ALL women as being completely innocent, and that; if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own home planet. Because, if it isn't there; I never really lost it to begin with. Is that right, Zarasa?” Zarasa says: “I think that's as good of a lesson to learn here, as any.” Darwin asks: “Now that you're out of the competition, who are you rooting for to win in the Final Five? Zarbon says: “I have to give my support to Skipper! If Bulma had to go out of her way just to eliminate HIM twice, there must be SOMETHING about him that can give him a win!” Eliza says: “Before you two take a seat, why don't we take a look at the next rocking song on our count-down! It will be AWESOME!!!!” /

#17: Genre: Dance (Synthesizer) Pop. Sub-Genre: Janet Jackson. Song: "When I Think of You." Sung by: Cast! / Marlene: "Ooh baby, anytime my world gets crazy, all I have to do, to calm it, is just think of you." Captain Retro: "'Cause when I think of you, baby, nothing else seems to matter!" Otto: "'Cause when I think of you, baby." Suzie: "All I think about is our love!" Robot: "I just get more attached to you when you hold me in your arms, and squeeze me!" Globitha: "And you leave me making me blue." Dog: "'Cause when I think of you, baby." Randolph: "Nothing else seems to matter." Pearl: "'Cause when I think of you, baby." Patrick: "All I think about is our love!" Phoebe and Keswick: "So in love, (So in love), Ooh, (So in love), With you, (So in love), Baby, (So in love), Ooh, (So in love), Hee, (So in love), With you!" Wally: "So in love, so in love." Reggie: "When I think of you, you, you, you, you." Rocko: "When I think of you." Stimpy about Lil: "When I think of you, you, you, you, you." Monster: "When I think of you." Judy: "Bass!" Po: "I'm so in love." Tigress: "I just think of you." Sway-Sway about Jenny Quackles: "If you're not around." Buhdeuce: "Oh!" Cast: "When I think of you!" Norbert and Treeflower: "So in love, (ooh). So in love, so in love, so in love! (With you!) So in love! (Baby you!) So in love! (Ooh!) So in love, so in love, so in love. (With you!) So in love." Daggett: "Break!" (Instrumental solo) Dib and Zim: "Ooh, ah, ooh, ah, cha, ooh, ooh, ah, ooh, ah, cha, ooh, ah, ooh, ah, ooh, ah, cha, ooh, ooh, ooh, ah, ooh, ah, cha, ooh, ah, chaow! Taotie: "Ah!" Zarbon: "Ha, ha, ha, ha!" Bulma: "Feels so good!" Spongebob about Sandy: "When I think of you!" Heffer: "Yeah, yeah!" /

Zarbon says: “And just to let you know, Zarasa, I was totally singing to YOU in that song!” Zarasa says: “That's so sweet!” Darwin says: “Yes, it is. Now please take your seats somewhere with the eliminated contestants.” Zarbon and Zarasa decide to take seats between Kaput and Taotie! Taotie scoffs, and says: “Thanks a LOT for eliminating us, Einstein!” Zarbon says: “Trust me, I feel as bad about it as YOU two do!” Kaput says: “You are SO lucky that my license to kill is currently expired!” Eliza says: “I know a LOT of you have a lot you want to SAY to our next eliminated contestant; but we HAVE to remember to keep it civil! We don't want to end up like Angelica Pickles, do we?!” Off-screen, Angelica shouts: “OH, SHUT UP!!!!” Darwin says: “Case in point!” Eliza says: “You will ALL have a chance to address Bulma Briefs in the PROPER, civilized matter!” Darwin says: “We all know what she did, so we'll let HER explain herself right now! Coming in at seventh place, here's Bulma Briefs!” And the audience boos loudly as Captain Retro escorts Bulma on-stage! Eliza asks: “Captain Retro?! Why are YOU out here with Bulma?! You're supposed to come on later!” Captain Retro says: “Well, Bulma WOULDN'T come out here without ME to protect her!”

Dib says: “Sad to say, that's probably the SMARTEST thing she's done all season!” Bulma says: “No pitchforks or torches, PLEASE!!!! I BRUISE easily!!!!” Darwin says: “This isn't the Salem Witch Trials! You're going to be judged before a jury of your peers like everyone else in a court of law. As far as physical damage, there won't be any. But emotionally, I can't guarantee that. Haggis, we'll start with you.” Haggis stands up, and he says: “Bulma; I've acted in MANY movies and TV shows, I've known several actors and actresses, and I know ALL about how people are SUPPOSED to behave! But what I can't understand is why you decided to target ME; after getting rid of Snaptrap! You could have gone for ANYBODY left in the entire game! So WHY target me?!” Bulma says: “You were the easiest and most EXPENDABLE member of our team we COULD have gotten rid of at the TIME! It's not like you brought anything to the table that couldn't have been done by somebody ELSE younger and prettier!” Haggis asks: “So the reason you got rid of me was because I was old and NOT pretty?!” Bulma asks: “Is that the answer that you WANT to hear?!” Haggis asks: “Is there ANY answer that doesn't make you sound like a pampered, spoiled, selfish BRAT?!!!” Bulma stays silent, and says nothing. Haggis says: “I didn't THINK so! No further questions!” Eliza says: “Twister, you're up next.” Twister asks: “Bulma; why on EARTH did you vote me OFF in that STUPID New York challenge episode?! I'm the TWISTER!!!! I should NEVER lose!” Bulma says: “Well for starters, thinking LIKE that is precisely the BIGGEST reason why I decided to vote you off! Besides, if you were going to complain THAT much about not even contributing anything positive OR negative to that challenge, I couldn't IMAGINE how you would handle being negative for REALLY blowing it in a future challenge!” Twister thinks about it, and says: “Fine; point taken. I shouldn't have taken losing so badly. But was it REALLY necessary for you to target me?!” Bulma says: “Honestly, you were COMPLETELY expendable! Our team could AFFORD to lose you and NOT have it affect us in the long run!” Captain Retro asks: “Bulma; what are you DOING?!” Bulma says: “The same thing I ALWAYS do to get myself out of trouble; I talk my way out of it!” Blonda suspiciously asks: “You do THAT?!” Bulma seriously says: “Yes, I do! ALL the time!” Twister says: “I've heard enough. No further questions.”

Darwin says: “Lil Deville, it's your turn!” Lil Deville asks: “AM I LIL?! Or am I MAD DOG HOEK?! Mad Dog Hoek, is LOCO for BOOM-BOOM!!!!” Off-screen, Angelica asks: “Is THAT still a THING?!” Katie shouts: “Ignore her!” Eliza says: “Noted. Carry on!” Lil says: “Anyways; how could you ASK Kaput to push ME and Stimpy off of the PLANE in that Brazil jungle challenge?!”

Bulma says: “For once, that actually WASN'T my fault! I merely told Kaput to HANDLE your elimination for that episode! I did NOT tell him to GO nuts!” Kaput says: “So I got a little over-zealous! Who doesn't?!” Bulma says: “You're LUCKY you managed to keep yourself so USEFUL for so long, or you would have been voted off EARLIER for being SO detrimental to yourself AND all your allies!” Kaput says: “At least I'm not ZIM!!!!” Zim says: “You WISH you could be ME!!!! I'm getting a TV Movie on Nickelodeon soon!” Kaput says: “So is Rocko! You're NOT special!” Darwin says: “You two will have plenty of time to talk later! Lil, you got anything else to say?” Lil says: “Nope! I actually BELIEVE Bulma is telling the truth THIS time! No further questions!” Bulma says: “Told you I could talk my way out of trouble!” Captain Retro says: “Only because it actually WAS the truth that time!” Bulma says: “If it works, that's the biggest thing I care about!” Eliza says: “Pearl...oh. That's right; she's not here, she's with Patrick for the Final Five. Well, since we don't have another significant contestant until Treeflower, why don't we take a break and introduce the next song in our count-down? And it's a song, that HAPPENS to FINALLY be relevant to what has happened this season! A song that ASKS about lying, and in Bulma's case, HAPPENED to be true!” Bulma sourly says: “Oh, SURE!!!! Throw THAT fact in my face, why don't you?!” Darwin says: “DON'T give ANY of us ANY ideas that you DON'T want to see later! This song, comes from the Missouri challenge episode, and you're going to SEE which song we're talking about, right now!” /

#16: Genre: Dance Pop. Sub-Genre: The Eurythmics. Song: "Would I Lie to You?" Sung by: Cast! / Captain Retro: "Would I lie to you? Would I lie to you honey? Oh no, no, NO!" Stimpy: "Now would I say something that wasn't true?" Reggie: "I'm asking you sugar, would I lie to you?" Marlene: "My friends, know what's in store." Otto: "I won't be here anymore! Dib: "I've packed my bags." Zim: "I've cleaned the floor." Judy: "Watch me walking." Kaput: "Walking out the door!" Tigress: "Believe me, I'll make it, make it!" Spongebob: "Believe me, I'll make it, make it!" Po: "Would I lie to you?" Rocko: "Would I lie to you honey?" Treeflower: "Now honey, would I lie?" Norbert: "Now would I say something that wasn't true?" Bulma: "I'm asking you sugar, would I lie to you?" Zarbon: "Tell you straight, no intervention. To your face, no deception." Taotie: "You're the biggest fake; that much is true!" King Julien: "Had all I can take!" Skipper: "Now I'm leaving you!" (The word "You" reverberates as motorcycle engines rev up!) Sanjay: "Ooh! Ahh! Hey! Ahhh!" Craig: "Believe me, I'll make it, make it!" Buhdeuce: "Oh yes I will! A-ha!" Sway-Sway: "Believe me, I'll make it, make it! Make it, make it; make it!" Phoebe: "Would I lie to you?" Dudley: "I'll make it, make it!" Keswick: "Would I lie to you honey?" Chameleon: "Now would I say something that wasn't true?" Super Chum: "I'm asking you sugar, would I lie, lie, lie; lie?" (Instrumental solo) Oonski: "Ooh, yeah!" Wally: "Would I lie to you?" Suzie: "Would I lie to you honey?" Robot: "Now would I say something that wasn't true?" Globitha: "I'm asking you sugar, would I lie to you?" Harvey: "My friends, know what's in store. I won't be here, anymore." Heffer: "I've packed my bags." Monster: "I've cleaned the floor." Daggett: "Watch me walking. Walking out the door! Believe me, I'll make it, make it!" Gonard: "Believe me, I'll make it, make it!" Sniz: "Would I lie to you?" General Barracuda: "Would I lie to you?" / And the epic song ends. /

As everyone applauds, Eliza says: “So in Bulma's case, she WOULD lie to us! See? We HAD a plan for that song and the episode it was IN, to be RELEVANT to this season ALL along!” Darwin says: “Treeflower, you're up next!” Treeflower says: “Bulma, I might not have been the most POPULAR contestant who has EVER competed in these seasons, but why did you DO what you did to ME?! I could have held out LONGER if it hadn't have BEEN for you!” Bulma scoffs, and says: “Look, it was PURELY a strategic decision! Even WITH your pregnancy, you were STILL a physically capable, mentally competent, and fairly well-liked member of Team Retro! It was WAY too risky to allow you to continue to be in challenges, and CHIP away at all the FAILURES in MY team! I got rid of you only to even the ODDS for my team! You can understand that as a fellow strategist, can't you?!” Treeflower says: “Understand it? Yes. Tolerate it? That, I CAN'T do! I should have left because I genuinely COULDN'T compete in the game anymore! I thought I did so, but now that I know that wasn't the case, I'm VERY disappointed in you, because YOU didn't want to risk LOSING to me in a genuine battle!” Bulma says: “I could have beaten YOU in a FAIR challenge! I just didn't FEEL like it!” Treeflower rolls her eyes and says: “Now you're LYING to YOURSELF! Get yourself a CLUE! No further questions.” Eliza says: “Dib Bitters, Judy Funny, you're both up next!” Dib says: “I'm not going to pretend like I COULD have beaten Bulma Briefs; she genuinely has a greater intellect than me! But I still don't like it that she went out of her way to TARGET me! Was I REALLY too much for your team to handle in a FAIR challenge?!” Bulma says: “Look at it THIS way; I DID you a favor! By taking you out EARLIER, I spared you from a more HUMILIATING loss to MY team further down the road!” Dib says: “Maybe so, but I would've liked to have seen HOW that would have played out for myself!” Judy says: “And so would I! I was the GREAT actress! I had aspirations of making it far! And you SHOT them DOWN!!!!” Bulma says: “Hey! I wasn't the one who TOLD you to get on that bull! That was YOUR own individual decision! You can't blame ME for YOUR loss in that challenge! You need to own it for yourself, and get yourself some actual BULL riding lessons! Heaven KNOWS you could have USED it then!” Judy says: “I wanted a chance to prove myself! Was THAT too much to ask?!”

Bulma says: “In a game of this nature, it would have been COMPLETELY stupid of me to have LEFT anything to chance! If I had, there was a VERY good chance my team WOULDN'T have stayed alive in the challenges where we DIDN'T face an elimination!” Judy says: “That doesn't PROVE that you're a GOOD contestant, that just PROVES that you were a COWARD, and AFRAID of a GENUINE competition!” Bulma says: “FINE!!!! I was a coward! Now are you SATISFIED?!” Judy says: “No. Just disappointed!” Bulma says: “You know, you're starting to SOUND like my father!” Judy says: “Good! At least ONE of us, does! No further questions!” Dib says: “No further questions for me, either!” Darwin says: “Sway-Sway, you're up next!” Sway-Sway says: “Bulma, did you ACTUALLY tell Jenny Quackles to give me a chance in the romantic department, with the thought that she would BREAK my heart after DOING so?!” Bulma can't help but burst out and start LAUGHING, as if Sway-Sway was ACTUALLY doubting her! Sway-Sway seriously says: That's not FUNNY!!!! I don't care HOW SICK YOU WERE!!!! Toying with the emotions of others is SERIOUSLY NOT COOL, Bulma! There are SERIOUS consequences for that! A lesson that I found out for myself, the HARD way!” Bulma says: “It's not MY fault you weren't USEFUL to me! You could have been a GREAT asset if you had SHOWN some INITIATIVE once in a while!” Sway-Sway says: “My initiative was NOT to be part of some SINISTER alliance that DUBIOUSLY eliminated contestants who DIDN'T deserve it, my initiative was to play as good of a game as I could, and to make it as FAR as I could! Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that Jenny and I are together now! But your intentions were SERIOUSLY not cool! You need therapy; a LOT of THERAPY! No further questions!” Eliza says: “Before we go to our next contestants, let's take a look at the next song at our list. While it came from the episode where Sway-Sway was eliminated, it still holds a rocking place in our hearts! Take a listen, and see for yourself!” /

#15: Genre: New Wave. Sub-Genre: 1980's Dance Pop. Song: "Vacation." Sung by: Cast! / Norbert about Treeflower: "Can't seem to get my mind off of you." Daggett: "Back there at home there's nothing to do, oooh!" Stanley: "Now that I'm away, I wish I'd stayed." Stimpy about Lil: "Tomorrow's a day of mine that you won't be in." King Julien about Skipper: "When you looked at me, I should've run." Skipper: "But I thought it was just for fun." Phoebe: "I see I was wrong, and I'm not so strong." Super Chum: "I should've known all along that time would tell." Keswick about Kitty: "A week without you, thought I'd forget." Zarbon about his girlfriend: "Two weeks without you and I still haven't gotten over you yet." Cast: "Vacation, all I ever wanted. Vacation, had to get away! Vacation, meant to be spent alone. Vacation, all I ever wanted. Vacation, had to get away! Vacation, meant to be spent alone." [Instrumental Interlude] Taotie about his former wife: "A week without you, thought I'd forget." Spongebob about Sandy: "Two weeks without you and I still haven't gotten over you yet." Cast: "Vacation, all I ever wanted. Vacation, had to get away! Vacation, meant to be spent alone. Vacation, all I ever wanted. Vacation, had to get away! Vacation, meant to be spent alone." Captain Retro: "Vacation, all I ever wanted!" Marlene: "Vacation, had to get away!" Cast: "Vacation meant to be spent alone." /

The audience applauds, and Eliza says: “Harvey, Craig Slithers, you're both up next!” Harvey says: “I only have one question! Did you GENUINELY care about my safety by ELIMINATING me?!” Bulma says: “I was DIABOLICAL! Not heartless! There was no WAY I could live with myself if a young kid like YOU got hurt in the competition! Besides, it was TAOTIE'S plan to vote you off, not mine!” Taotie groans, and says: “Sad to say, she's actually got me on that one. I was genuinely mad that Harvey wouldn't help me, just because I was an evil villain! That's the only reason I wanted YOU gone! There really isn't any reason deeper than that!” Harvey says: “No further questions.” Craig says: “As for me, what was SO threatening about ME that you felt the NEED to target me?!” Bulma asks: “Are you blaming ME for YOUR decision to EAT all those uncooked pizzas that prevented YOU from helping out YOUR team in a challenge that led to YOUR elimination?! I didn't tell you to DO that! You can't PIN every single significant elimination on ME!”

Craig says: “Look, I did that because I wanted to help my team NOT lose points! What did YOU ever do for YOUR team that was beneficial and selfless!” Bulma says: “I actually HAVE a few examples! In the Paris challenge, I put MYSELF at risk in order to help MY team come in second place by dodging those security lasers! And in the Olympics Challenge, I actually PLAYED an Olympic sport and used MY brains to win it WITHOUT resorting to cheating!” Captain Retro says: “Selfless, my FOOT!!!! The only reason YOU did that was to BOOST your OWN overall Edgic score for those people keeping score back at their homes, so people would mistakenly put YOU in a better position to win!” Bulma pouts, and says: “Fine! I would be LYING if I said that I wasn't PARTIALLY thinking about how the average viewer would VIEW me! I didn't want to be seen as TOTALLY vile when winning this season, at least by THEIR viewpoints!” Darwin says: “Unfortunately for you, it's not the viewpoints of the VIEWERS that you have to worry about, it's your fellow contestants! Craig, what do YOU think about Bulma's statements?!” Craig says: “I just think she has LOUSY excuses as to the REASON as to why I lost before I should have! No further questions!” Eliza says: “Stanley, you're up next!” Stanley asks: “Bulma, do you feel PROUD about yourself for LYING to ME, and indirectly causing Spongebob to go OFF the deep end in getting his DRIVER'S license, and becoming all crazy/determined thanks to General Barracuda?!” Bulma says: “Well, for starters, I didn't tell Spongebob to go to General Barracuda! Besides, how was I supposed to know that he would be THAT desperate to keep himself in the game?!” Captain Retro says: “Sad to say, straw-man, or woman, has a point in this case! Even I couldn't have predicted that Spongebob would do that, and I had the ABILITY to see multiple futures!” Spongebob says: “And I'm sorry for the part that I played in your elimination. But for what it's worth, if I had known that it was BULMA'S idea for you to say what you did, and NOT your own, I would have spared you!” Stanley says: “See? Even Spongebob would have gone against you!” Bulma groans and says: “SHEESH!!!! You're BOTH sore losers!” Stanley says: “We're not SORE about losing! We're SORE because of your LOUSY, HIGHLY dubious methods YOU USED for getting contestants out of the GAME! No further questions!” Darwin says: “Before we get to our next contestants, let's play another song from our countdown! This time, it's comes from the episode that Stanley was eliminated in, and you're about to hear what it is right now!” /

#14: Genre: 1980's Rock and Roll. Sub-Genre: Fleetwood Mac/Stevie Nicks. Song: "Stand Back!" Sung by: Cast! / During this montage, the contestants all try to quickly make their way across the raceway, as they avoid the racing cars! / Monster: "No one look, I'll walk by!" Zarbon: "Just an invitation would have been just fine." Bulma: "Said 'no' to HIM, again and again! First he took my heart, then he ran!" Skipper: "No one knows how I feel; what I say." King Julien: "Unless you read between my lines!" Marlene: "One man walked away from me. First he took my hand. Take ME home!!" Cast: "Stand back, stand back!" Captain Retro: "In the middle of my room, I could not hear from you!" Team Retro: "It's alright, it's alright!" Stimpy and Reggie: "To be standing in a line. Standing in a line. To be standing in a line." Rocko: "I would cry." Spongebob, nervously: "La, la, la-la, la, la, la, la, la. La, la. La, la, la-la, la." Norbert: "Do not turn away, my friend." Daggett: "Like a willow, I can bend!" Phoebe: "No man calls my name, no man came!" Buhdeuce: "So I walked on down away from you, maybe your attention was more than you could do!" Globitha: "But one man did not call; he asked me for my love." Robot: "And that was all!" Cast: "Stand back, stand back!" Dudley: "In the middle of my room, I do not hear from you!" Team S.R.R.R.C.: "It's alright, it's alright!" Chameleon and Gonard: "To be standing in a line. Standing in a line. To be standing in a line." Keswick: "I would cry." (Instrumental solo) Stanley, nervously: "La, la, la-la, la, la, la, la, la. La, la. La, la, la-la, la, la, la." General Barracuda: "Too few, too few!" Patrick nervously: "La. La, la, la-la, la, la, la, la, la. La, la, la. La, la, la-la, la." Wally: "So I walked, walked down the line away from you!" Super Chum: "Maybe your attention was more than I could do!"

Zim: "One man did not fall! Well, he asked me for my love; that was all!" Cast: "Stand back, stand back!" Zim: "In the middle of my room, I did not hear from you!" Team Adversity: "It's alright, it's alright!" Otto and Guano: "To be standing in a line. (Standing in a line.) To be standing in a line." Randolph: "I could cry." Dog: "I need a little sympathy!" Spongebob: "Well, I need a little sympathy!" Patrick: "Well, I need to be standing in..." Stanley: "Stand back!" Phoebe: "Well, I need to be standing in..." Wally: "Stand back!" Otto: "Well, I need to be standing in..." Super Chum: "Stand back!" Marlene: "Take me home!" Spongebob pleads: "Take me home!" General Barracuda: "Stand back! Don't you, 'Take me home!'" Spongebob sadly: "Well, I need a little sympathy!" Stanley: "Stand back!" / Eliza says: “Super Chum is still busy helping Man-arctica do what he can to help reverse the effects of Global Climate Change. However, we do have ANOTHER contestant from the Greenland Challenge who would like to question Bulma! Guano, you're up next!” Guano asks: “Look, I didn't really want to compete in this thing to begin with. But when I found out that I really HAD to, I wanted to GO for it! But thanks to Otto, THAT didn't happen! Did YOU have anything to DO with THAT?!” Bulma groans and says: “Look, I KNEW that Otto would EVENTUALLY get frustrated as long as MY team kept HIS team on the short end of the stick! If he kept losing challenges just LONG enough, I knew it was ONLY a matter of time before he took it out on someone else! I just had no way of knowing that it would be you! But if it's any consolation, you weren't that much of a threat to me to begin with!” Guano says: “And THAT makes what YOU did to get Super Chum and ME out any BETTER?!” Bulma says: “Ordinarily, I WOULD be inclined to say, 'Yes.' But somehow, with Captain Retro HERE; I get the feeling that would be the WRONG thing to say!” Captain Retro says: “And that's the SMARTEST thing YOU'VE said to ANYBODY here in this entire episode SO far!” Bulma groans: “I didn't say it because I felt like I HAD to SAY it! UGH!!!! This stupid thing is taking TOO LONG!!!!” Guano says: “Since Bulma seems to be getting agitated, I have no further questions.” Darwin says: “Which is the perfect time for us to present ANOTHER song on our countdown! And it's a song that comes from the episode that Guano was eliminated! And you will hear what it is right now!” /

#13: Genre: New Wave. Sub-Genre: The B-52's! Song: "Girl From Ipanema Goes to Greenland!" Sung by: Cast! / Cast: "Girl from Ipanema, she goes to Greenland! Girl from Ipanema, she goes to Greenland!" Bulma: "Witch doctors are screaming!" Marlene: "Nymphs are dreaming!" Skipper: "This girl's lost someone!" King Julien: "Who is that someone?" Guano: "She's leaving!" Team Retro: "Girl from Ipanema, she goes to Greenland! Girl from Ipanema, she goes to Greenland!" Po: "Hot latitudes, cool attitudes!" Tigress: "She's leaving!" Captain Retro: "Moon in her mirror, chasing northern lights!" Phoebe: "She goes, ahhh." Team S.R.R.R.C.: "Girl from Ipanema, she goes to Greenland! Girl from Ipanema, she goes to Greenland!" (Instrumental solo) Buhdeuce: "Remember, wherever you go, there you are!" Team Adversity: "Girl from Ipanema, she goes to Greenland! Girl from Ipanema, she goes to Greenland!" Wally: "Girl from Ipanema, she goes to Greenland!" Dog and Randolph: "Girl from Ipanema, she goes to Greenland!" Robot and Globitha: "Girl from Ipanema, she goes to Greenland!" Cast: "Girl from Ipanema, she goes to Greenland!" / And the epic song ends! /

The audience applauds, and Eliza says: “It's time for us to continue with our inquiry, which means that Invader Zim and Keswick, you're both up next!” Off-screen, Angelica asks: “Is it MY turn YET?!!!” Blonda scoffs, and says: “No! If I have to be patient to wait for MY songs, IF there are any, YOU can be patient enough to wait for YOUR turn!” Angelica shouts: “Well, hurry it UP then!!!!” Invader Zim asks: “Bulma, why did YOU feel the need to target ME in that FREAKY Bangkok Challenge?!” Bulma scoffs, and says: “That wasn't just ME; that was a LEGITIMATE GROUP decision! Zarbon didn't like you, Taotie didn't like you, Oonski didn't like you, Kaput certainly didn't like you, and I didn't like you! If you really WANTED to have kept yourself in the game, you would have done SOMETHING to BETRAY your own team!”

Zim asks: “And CONFIRM all the bad things that Dib has EVER thought about me?! Sorry to disappoint you, BULMA, but I'm NOT that predictable! No further questions!” Keswick asks: “Bulma, did you know it wasn't actually MY idea to try to get RID of you in that Bangkok challenge?! That was actually all Marlene's idea! She convinced me to try to get rid of you with those freaky machines, by giving me $2,000 in advance, with an additional $15,000 IF I succeeded!” Bulma says: “First off, I DIDN'T know that! All I knew was that YOU were trying to spearhead a movement to get RID of me! And besides, it was too early for me to eliminate MARLENE! That would have been SUSPICIOUS!!!! I don't CARE if you took that elimination PERSONALLY!!!! The NEXT time you get the idea to TRY to eliminate someone, make it your OWN idea, and NOT somebody ELSE'S!!!!” Keswick says: “All I know is that I didn't lose because I genuinely DESERVED it! You used Anti-Timmy to do me in!” Bulma says: “Which thankfully for YOU, won't EVER happen again, since he's now GONE!” Keswick says: “All I REALLY want to say is the following, Bulma! If you EVER want to be TRULY redeemed in OUR eyes and the eyes of the viewers, you'll play with honor and DIGNITY in the FUTURE!!!! No further questions!” Darwin says: “Which means it's TIME for us to present the next song in our countdown!” Angelica screams: “STOP TOYING WITH THE AUDIENCE STUPID!!!! SAY MY NAME!!!!” Blonda yells: “They'll SAY it when they GET there! Go on, Eliza!” Eliza says: “For once, I AGREE with you! This song comes from the episode that Invader Zim and Keswick were BOTH eliminated in! And it FEATURES a duet between Otto Rocket and Suzie!” /

#12: Genre: Cher. Sub-Genre: Adult Contemporary. Song: "After All." Sung by: Otto and Suzie. Otto: "Well, here we are again. I guess it must be fate. We've tried it on our own, but deep inside we've known, we'd be back to set things straight." Suzie: "I still remember when, your kiss was so brand new. Every memory repeats, every step I take retreats." Otto and Suzie: "Every journey always brings me back to you! After all the stops and starts, we keep coming back to these two hearts. Two angels who've been rescued from the fall; after all that we've been through." Suzie: "It all comes down to me and you!" Otto and Suzie: "I guess it's meant to be, forever you and me, after all." Suzie: "When love is truly right, it lives from year to year." Otto: "It changes as it goes." Suzie: "And on the way it grows." Otto and Suzie: "But it never, ever disappears! After all the stops and starts, we keep coming back to these two hearts. Two angels who've been rescued from the fall; after all that we've been through." Suzie: "It all comes down to me and you!" Otto and Suzie: "I guess it's meant to be!" Otto: "Forever, you and me; after all! Always just beyond my touch, You know I needed you so much." Suzie: "After all, what else is living for?" Otto and Suzie: "After all the stops and starts, we keep coming back to these two hearts. Two angels who've been rescued from the fall; after all that we've been through." Suzie: "It all comes down to me and you!" Otto and Suzie: "I guess it's meant to be forever you and me! After all the stops and starts, We keep coming back to these two hearts! Two angels who've been rescued from the fall! After all that we've been through!" Suzie: "It all comes down to me and you!" Otto and Suzie: "I guess it's meant to be!" Otto: "Forever, you and me!" Otto and Suzie: "After all!" / And the epic song ends. /

The audience applauds loudly, and Darwin says: “We've got another two for the price of one who want to talk to YOU, Bulma, and they are Kaput and Oonski!” Kaput says: “Bulma, I am unbelievably MAD at you! I have ONE measly allergic reaction to moles, and you throw me OUT?!!!” Bulma says: “HEY!!!! Don't blame ME that YOU didn't tell ME about your ALLERGIES!!!! If I had KNOWN, I could have PROTECTED you from those allergies! But you DIDN'T, so DON'T try to pass THAT off on me!” Oonski says: “And WHY did you target ME after SAVING me in the Bangkok challenge?! My secret relationship status to Daggett wasn't THAT bad, was it?!” Bulma rolls her eyes, and says: “Look, even someone who was EVIL this season has her standards, and those were VERY bad standards! If you made yourself look bad, you could have made ME look bad! And that was something that I couldn't have for MY team!” Kaput asks: “And you expect US to believe THAT?! After EVERYTHING you made ME do?! After EVERYTHING you did to YOUR team?!” Bulma says: “My strategy for this season didn't even CONCERN you, nor was it ever SUPPOSED to! Everything I did, I believed it was the best MOVE for me! I NEVER intended for the game to get as messed up as it did! I NEVER would have done all the stuff that I did if I had known that Dr. Gero had no intention of fulfilling HIS end of the bargain with me!” Oonski says: “I still don't like what you did to me! Getting rid of me for a mistake that wasn't even RELEVANT to this game show was seriously NOT cool Bulma! No further questions.” Kaput says: “No further questions from me, either!”

Eliza says: “Next up in this inquiry is--!” Off-screen, Wanda says: “Eliza!” Darwin says: “Not now, Wanda! Next up, is--!” Wanda shouts: “It's Angelica Pickles! I can't STOP her!” And Angelica storms on-stage with Wanda FUTILY trying to hold her, and Angelica yells: “I won't STAND for this NONSENSE anymore!” Bulma sarcastically says: “GREAT!!!! Just what I NEEDED! The world's LOUDEST screamer, who also has the world's SECOND smallest brain!” Stimpy asks: “Who has the FIRST smallest brain?!” Bulma says: “I'm afraid I can't say that on television, because it might OFFEND the WRONG people!” Captain Retro says: “I KNOW who YOU'RE talking about! But I won't say who it is, either!” Eliza rolls her eyes, and asks: “Anyways, what do YOU want NOW, Angelica?!” Angelica angrily says: “You KNOW what I want! I want REVENGE!!!! And my MONEY!!!!” Dib groans, and says: “For the LOVE of the late, great Stephen Hawking! You're NOT even in the contest anymore! You're HERE, you LOST, get OVER it!!!!” Angelica angrily says: “I KNOW why I'm here! It's because BULMA Briefs UNFAIRLY got me kicked OFF!!!!” Bulma gasps in shock, and rhetorically asks: “I; unfairly got YOU booted OFF?!!!” Angelica says: “Yeah, TWICE!!!!” Bulma counts to one on her left hand, and she asks: “What was the SECOND time?!” Angelica says: “It's all OVER for YOU, Bulma Briefs! You're going to PAY for taking everything AWAY from me! My MONEY, my POPULARITY, my #1 Championship status for this season, AND my ability to EVER compete on this STUPID game show EVER again!” Bulma rhetorically asks: “And you HONESTLY think its MY fault ALL this bad stuff HAPPENED to you?! I didn't even THINK you would take me SERIOUSLY when I suggested that YOU should say all the bad stuff you DID say in the Brazil episode! And if you actually BELIEVED that would HONESTLY help you, than YOU'RE even DUMBER than you LOOK!” Angelica angrily says: “Keep talking SMACK to ME!!!! I DARE YOU!!!!” Bulma seriously says: “Angelica, don't EVEN tempt me! Even with my EXTREME unpopularity status this season, I think that I'm STILL more well-liked than you EVER were!”

Angelica asks: “And you THINK that's going to help YOU out?!” Bulma says: “Well if the shoe FITS...!” Angelica seriously says: “Say that AGAIN!!!!” Bulma slowly enunciates: “Well if the sh-OE! FITS!!!!” Angelica angrily winds her left fist and says: “Okay, genius!!!! Laugh THIS one OFF!!!!” Otto GRABS her fist and says: “Angelica, STOP this NONSENSE at once!!!!” Angelica calms down, and sourly says: “Well, if it isn't Otto, my DEAD boyfriend! What brings YOU back from the grave on this fine day?” Otto says: “As Alanis Morissette once sang; You Oughta Know. If it weren't for YOU; I'd be BACK on the plane with Suzie Carmichael right now!” Angelica smirks, and says: “Well, I just SAW Suzie, and she says that she's SICK of YOU!!!! In fact, she says DON'T BOTHER coming BACK to her side, like, EVER!!!!” Otto angrily says: “That's a LIE!!!!” Captain Retro says: “It is a lie!” Angelica angrily screams: “Shut UP!!!! I'm just letting Otto know how IT feels, to be DUMPED for someone FAR inferior to someone else in EVERY single CONCEIVABLE way!!!!” Eliza suddenly smiles, and she says: “You know, it WAS just supposed to be Otto Rocket asking Bulma questions, but because you are SO insistent about it, I'll let YOU ask questions to Bulma as WELL!” Angelica smiles, and says: “FINALLY!!!! That's the BEST decision that anyone has MADE on this WHOLE stupid season!” Blonda says: “I believe THAT! That's why I'M sitting with the OTHER eliminated contestants!” Darwin says: “So, what questions do you have for Bulma?”

Otto says: “Only one question, why didn't you eliminate Angelica SOONER?! Like, BEFORE she found out that I had kissed Suzie?!” Angelica angrily says: “Oh, you would have LOVED THAT, wouldn't YOU?!!!” Otto says: “Would have been a NICE change of pace!” Bulma says: “Well, I WOULD have eliminated her off of Team Retro SOONER, but they kept WINNING challenges until the Brazil episode!” Otto says: “No further questions!” Eliza says: “Angelica, what's YOUR question? Not that it will EVER get you back ON this show! You're out FOREVER!!!!” Angelica says: “FINE!!!! Than that just means that I can GIVE Bulma a NICE, TALL glass of EXTREME PAIN!!!! So, Bulma, which part of YOUR body would YOU like broken FIRST?!!!” Bulma seriously says: “Just TRY it, powder-puff! The whole WORLD is WATCHING!!!!” Captain Retro says: “You keep DOING this, Angelica! You NEVER think things THROUGH!!!!” Angelica screams: “I want MY REVENGE!!!! And my MONEY!!!!” Darwin smiles, and he says: “Well, we don't have EITHER of those! But we have something ELSE that might interest you!” Angelica, intrigued, asks: “REALLY?! What's that?!” Eliza smiles, and she says: “Oh, just the NEXT little song number on our countdown. It's a song that comes from the episode that you AND Otto were ELIMINATED in!” Angelica nervously asks: “WHICH SONG from the Nepal challenge that I was ELIMINATED IN?!!!” Blonda says: “It's a song that's MUSIC to my ears, and PAIN to YOURS, because you HAVE no HEART!!!!” Angelica sourly says: “You're DESPICABLE!!!!” Blonda says: “Takes one to KNOW one! Now LISTEN!!!!” /

#11: Genre: Hard Rock. Sub-Genre: Heart (The Band). Song: "Never." Sung by: Cast! / Marlene: "Whoa, oh, whoa, oh, whoa! Whoa, oh, whoa! Hey baby, I'm talking to you! Stop yourself and listen!" Captain Retro: "Some things you can never, ever choose; even if you try, yeah!" Zarbon to Angelica: "You're banging your head again, cause somebody won't let you in!" Angelica: "One chance, one love, your chance to let me know!" Skipper and King Julien: "We can't go on and on, just running away. If we stay any longer, we will surely never get away." Dog to Randolph: "Anything you want...we can make it happen." Randolph: "Stand up and turn around, never let them shoot us down!" Otto: "Never, Never! Never!" Suzie: "Never run away!" Reggie: "Hey baby, you know it's time! Why you bother lying; when you know that you want it, to. Don't you dare deny me! Walk those legs right over here! Give me what I'm dying for!" Rocko: "One chance...one love, hold me down; never let me go!" Tigress and Po: "We can't go on and on, just running away! If we wait any longer, we will surely never get away!" Dudley to Chameleon: "Anything you want...we can make it happen." Chameleon: "Stand up and turn around, never let them shoot us down!" Phoebe: "Never, never! Never, never run away!" Monster: "Never, never! Never, never run away!" Gonard: "Hey baby, I'm talking to you! Stop yourself and listen!" Bulma: "Some things you can never, ever choose; even if you try, yeah!" Buhdeuce: "You're banging your head again, cause somebody won't let you in!" Gonard: "One chance, one love, your chance to let me know!" Robot and Globitha: "We can't go on and on, just running away. If we stay any longer, we will surely never get away!" Cast: "WHOA! WHOA! Never! WHOA! WHOA! Never!" Wally: "We can't go on, Never!" Spongebob: "We can't go on, Never!" Cast: "WHOA! WHOA! Never! WHOA! WHOA! Never!" Patrick: "We can't go on, Never!" Heffer: "We can't go on, Never!" /

The audience applauds and Angelica screams: “NO!!!! You DIDN'T!!!! You FREAKING didn't!!!!” Darwin says: “Can, did, and your fate has been SEALED, Miss NASTY!!!!” Angelica angrily says: “Not before I SEAL--!!!!” Eliza yells: “BLONDA!!!!” Angelica says: “Not HER!!!! All of--!!!!” (POOF!!!!) And Angelica looks up at the magical piano hovering over her head, and suddenly holds up a sign that reads: “MOTHER!!!!” (CRASH!!!! CRASH!!!! CRASH!!!! CRASH!!!! Objects clatter!!!!) Darwin says: “Wow! Who knew THIS theater had THAT many basements and such POINTY objects on the bottom FLOOR!!!!” Muffled, Angelica screams: “MMMM!!!! MMMM!!!! MMMM!!!! MMMM!!!!” Blonda sighs in content, and she says: “My GOSH!!!! That felt good!” Eliza says: “And it looks like we were wrong! Looks like we DID need you after all!” Blonda says: “I'm just glad I could be of service!” Darwin says: “We've got to take a break now, but when we come back, we will continue to bring you the rest of this retro, rocking countdown, on Total Cartoon Global Cruise!” (Commercial Break) / I'll break here, and stop for now. Enough said, for now! 

[Rebel the Wolfgirl]

Spoiler

Man, PR: MVF has come so far. Ready for a blast from the past?  

 

Day of the Diabolic

    We begin with an establishing shot of space, near the planet of Core Earth. Core Earth is a planet that is exactly like ours in most ways, down to the placement and shapes of the continents. However, there is one massive difference: Core Earth is located in another dimension entirely, and was once home to a mighty civilization known as the Annunaki. The Annunaki were a shapeshifting race of reptile-like humans who inhabited the planet thousands of years ago. The Annunaki possessed highly advanced technology, the most coveted being the jumpers; devices that allowed for interuniversal travel. Using these devices, the Annunaki gained control of not only the multiverse, but the space-time continuum as well. Their gods, the ancient Old Ones, punished them for their insolence and single-minded goals of conquests. 

    And so, the Annunaki vanished, their technology preserved and the multiverse desynchronizing back to the natural flow of time-space. 20,000 years later, a new order would be founded on Core Earth after a wormhole transported a group of space colonists to Core Earth in 2178 AD: the Multiverse Federation. Using the still-working jumpers, the colonists transported 60% of Earth's population to the new planet, in an event known as the Exodus. Shortly afterwards, the humans discovered that other universes were out there, and set out to build a new democratic civilization, calling themselves the United Federation of Multiverses, or the Multiverse Federation for short. Our story begins in the year 800 AE (After Exodus), or 2978 AD. Core Earth has been at peace for centuries, ruled over by the Federation with a fair hand. Until now...

================================================================
-Coastal Falls, Western Core Earth-

    The sun shone on the floating city of Coastal Falls as the early morning clouds parted to reveal the bright blue sky above. The city itself was around the size of Los Angeles, built on an island kept aloft by thrusters. As the citizens went about their day, a small silver ship parked in front of Coastal Falls Academy, one of the city's most highly-rated schools. The ship itself resembled an Irken Voot Cruiser with hints of gold. Within the ship itself, there were two creatures. Penguins, to be more specific. In the driver's seat was a bird of around 70 years of age, wearing a rather nice looking tuxedo. His feathers were a grayish-silver, and he had a kind, yet upper-class look about him. His name was Giles, and he was the faithful butler of the wealthy Manchot (mon-CHO) family. In the driver's seat was the only child of Jacques Manchot, patriarch of the family and famous chef: Retthi Manchot, of as he preferred to be called, "Lettuce". 

    Both penguins, aside from age and feather color, looked about the same. Their bodies were small and squat, and both birds measured around 3.5 feet in height. They were covered in a predominant feather color, Giles' being grey and Lettuce's being a nice verdant shade. The exceptions to this rule were their stomach areas, covered entirely in white feathers. The penguins' feet were rounded rectangles of an orange shade, and their beaks were rounded ovals, also orange. And to top it all off, while Giles was 70, Lettuce was 51 years younger: 19. As Lettuce climbed out of the ship, Giles gave a warm smile. "Master Manchot, I do hope you're ready. College is a big responsibility." 

    "Relax, Giles." Lettuce said with a laugh. "I have nothing to worry about." And with that, the ship drove off, most likely back to the family estate. Looking up at the school, Lettuce could see that it was a bricks-mortar-and-concrete type of building, which seemed rather archaic for such an advanced society, but some people liked it that way. The campus itself was rather large, appropriately enough, due to the fact that Coastal Falls Academy catered to both high school and college students. Dormitories and classrooms were evenly spaced out, allowing for simple access. With these observations in mind, Lettuce took a deep breath and entered the school.

    At the same time Lettuce was being dropped off, a young woman of about 14 years of age stood outside CFA. She was around 4'11", with blonde hair wrapped into twintail odango buns. Her skin was very fair, with azure blue eyes. Dressed in a sailor fuku (as was tradition back home), the girl, named Usagi Tsukino, pondered her surroundings. Even though she'd been living in this city for several weeks now, she still felt alone and isolated. Though she was admittedly very sociable, Usagi still hadn't made one friend in Coastal Falls, nor did she think she ever would. She missed her friends back home, especially her bestie Naru. Trying to hold back tears, Usagi walked into the school, unknowingly following Lettuce.

    As Lettuce walked into the school, he had the feeling that someone was following him. Slowly turning his head so that he could see behind him, Lettuce caught sight of Usagi, who appeared to be crying. It seemed that she could not hold in the waterworks any longer and had broken down. Pitying the girl, Lettuce waddled over to her. "Hey hey hey, no need for tears..." he said calmly, placing his flippers on Usagi's left arm. "What's wrong?" he asked. Usagi expressed her fears and worries as she stopped crying. Lettuce listened, nodding where appropriate and spraking only when Usagi was finished. "Wow, that's tough." Lettuce said finally. "If you want, I'll be your first friend here." Lettuce soon found himself in a very tight hug.

    Elsewhere in the school, three very different individuals had met and already formed a rather nice friendship: Naruto Uzumaki, Toby Jones, and Pinkamena Diane Pie, or "Pinkie", as she preferred to be called. Each of these three came from varying backgrounds, and by extension, various worlds: Naruto from a world of ninjas, Toby from a world where people lived alongside creatures known as Pokemon, and Pinkie from a world of multicolored talking ponies. Each of them had different reasons for being in Coastal Falls, but all of them had the same core motive of education. Naruto, for example, had decided to pursue a year of further education after the Multiverse Federation had made first contact, Toby had decided to take a break from Pokemon training (at the insistence of his mother, a former trainer herself), and Pinkie was part of an exhange program. Naruto was a young fair-skinned man of 17, with blonde spiky hair and blue eyes. He wore a black jacket, and a grey headband with a metal plate on the front, which was engraved with a spiral, the symbol of his village. Toby was a boy of 15, with fair skin and a mop of greasy jet black hair. He wore a black T-shirt with a blue denim jacket, and faded jeans that might also have once been blue, but had faded to mostly white over the years. 

    He also wore dusted tennis shoes that had once been black, but were now brown. Pinkie was a mare that, while not giving her exact age, said that she was in her late teens-early adulthood. She had a coat of light pink, with her mane being a deeper shade and in a poofed-up style. Her eyes were an oceanic blue, conveying her personality: silly, sweet and innocent, but having a hidden serious streak. Pinkie's most defining feature, however, was the tattoo-like mark of three balloons on both sides of her flank. When asked about it, the pony explained that it was her "cutie mark", a representation of her innate talents, in this case throwing parties. She went further in explaining that all ponies in her world had one that they recieved in their foalhoods. Pinkie then followed her explanation with her own series of questions, mostly concerning Naruto and Toby's cake, candy, and drink preferences. 

    As all this was going on, far above Core Earth, a large spaceship was entering orbit around the planet. The ship itself had a rather large hull, colored a rusted red. On the sides of the ship were large mechanical bat wings, useless in space, but were an amazing decoration. This ship was known as the Diabolic, and its crew were here to begin their plans of conquest. From within, several beings were standing in the ship's central room, which was rather dim, with shelves lined with small bronze statues of various monsters. The leader of these six beings was a rather tall and imposing creature, despite his emaciated-looking appearance. He was entirely red, with small stub-like horns and glowing white eyes. His top row of fang-like teeth was protruding from his upper jaw, yet this did not affect his speech in any way, oddly enough. His name was Diabolica, Emperor of the Tauran, and he was...hoping to expand his rule, to put it lightly. Despite his feminine sounding name, however, he was a force to be reckoned with. "My loyal crew," the Emperor began. "Today we begin our conquest of this planet called Core Earth, and all of reality itself!" 

"My lord..." a high-pitched and feminine voice asked.

"Yes, Circe?" Diabolica asked, clearly annoyed. 

"How do you suppose we conquer Core Earth?" Circe, an obese anthropomorphic pig dressed in witch's robes asked. Her companion Kraky, a lean creature resembling the Kraken from Clash of the Titans nodded in agreement. 

"Obviousssly, we will use the power of the Bloodbeasssts." a voice, also female, hissed as she slithered up to Circe. This woman, from her head to her waist, resembled a redheaded and attractive woman with faded blue eyes. From the waist down, however, she had a long, green body, much like a serpent. Her name was Vipera, and she was one of Diabolica's top members. 

"Bah!" General Bahphomet, an ash grey goat-like creature with blood red eyes scoffed. "What use have we for Bloodbeasts? The rituals don't work unless you do them correctly, and Drako's the only who knows how to do them." 
"We actually have a lot of uses for Bloodbeasts, Baphomet." Diabolica interrupted. "Such as what we'll be using for our first scouting of Core Earth. DRAKO!" 

"Y-yes?" a wheezy voice came from a bit further away. The voice belonged to a red-and-gold colored lizard in priestly robes. His name was Drako, and he was in charge of the Bloodbeast creation rituals. 

"Create a Bloodbeast for our first attack on Core Earth!" Diabolica ordered. 

"Yes, sire." Drako replied, grabbing a figurine of a dinosaur with a unicorn's horn. Placing the figure on a small platform situated above a cauldron, Drako took a dagger out of his robes and made a thin cut on his arm, letting the blood drip onto the plaform and into the container below. Wrapping the wound so that he wouldn't bleed out, Drako began reciting an ancient incantation:

"Filiorum tenebrarum obsecro te.

Ut vas possidere liceat!"

As Drako recited, the figure gained red pulsating veins on its body that seemed to be...alive. Slowly, the figure began to grow to the size of a human, and its bronze skin replaced with grey flesh, the horn becoming a silver drill. As the creature began taking its first breaths of life, Drako smiled at Diabolica. "My lord, I present Unirex!"

 
"...Not the most creative of names, but he will do just fine." Diabolica mused. "A word of advice, Drako: do not go cutting yourself every time you create a Bloodbeast."

"Noted, my lord. From now on, I will use the vials of blood that I have stored in my chambers."

"Excellent." Diabolica said, summoning a small group of his foot soldiers, known as Imps. The Imps seemed to resemble small red devils, with sharp pointed horns, white eyes with small black pupils, sharp claws and teeth. There were 10 Imps in total, a sizable group to cause mayhem. Diabolica teleported the Imps down into Coastal Falls Square. "Soon, I WILL BE A GOD!"

    At the same time Diabolica was beginning his conquest of Core Earth, far below Coastal Falls Academy, there lay a large steel-lined building. From within, the walls were lined with computers that blinked red, blue, yellow, green, and pink. In one corner, there was a large crystal ball. In another, there was a podium on which lay five devices resembling smartwatches, with five colored gems situated next to them. In the center was a large computer console with various buttons and switches. What was at the front of the room, however, was the most amazing thing: a hooded man in a white cloak and a small humanoid robot with a red body, tube-like appendages, and a golden saucer shaped head with a visor. The hooded man stirred as if asleep, startling the robot.

"Omnus!" the robot said in a high-pitched voice, the visor glowing red as it spoke. "You're awake after all these years!" 

"Yes, Alpha." the man known as Omnus spoke. "I have awakened from my milennia-long suspended animation. Do you know what this means?" 

"We won't get our pizza in 30 minutes or less?" Alpha asked.

"This is no time for one-liners, Alpha. This planet is in grave danger." Omnus scolded. "It's time. Teleport to us the best representatives of goodness and humanity in the multiverse." 

"You mean...?" Alpha asked in an exasperated tone.

"Yes. Teenagers with attitude." 

"Ay-yi-yi!" Alpha declared. "I knew this would happen!" Moving over to the computer console, Alpha set the teleportation coordinates, and pressed a green button. 

    Back at CFA, Lettuce and Usagi had been idly chatting when the latter noticed something odd. "Lettuce, is it just me, or are we...?"

"Floating?" Lettuce answered. "Yeah, it does. I think something weird's going oNNNN!" As Lettuce finished his sentence, he was teleported out of the school in a flash of green light. Before Usagi could react, she was likewise teleported out of the school in a flash of yellow light. Naruto, Toby, and Pinkie were also teleported in flashes of red, blue, and pink respectively. 

    When they five had landed, they found themselves in the steel-lined building. Looking around, they all had different reactions: Lettuce astonished, Usagi frightened, Naruto confused, Toby excited, and Pinkie curious. "Where are we?" Usagi asked.

"I don't know. It's amazing though." Lettuce answered. 

"Neither do I." Naruto continued.

 
"It's awesome!" Toby replied.

"Pretty lights!" Pinkie commented.

After an awkward moment of silence, the five introduced each other, then began to explore. Toby and Usagi went left, Lettuce and Pinkie went right. Naruto was left alone in the center, and he began walking forward, bumping into Alpha. "Ay-yi-yi! I'm so sorry!" the robot said, turning around.

"Whoa...a robot." Naruto said.

"A robot?" Toby said, walking towards Naruto and Alpha, with Usagi following. Lettuce and Pinkie did the same.

"Yeah." Naruto said, turning to Alpha. "Hello. Can you tell us where we are?" 

"I am Alpha 8. And you're in the Command Center." Alpha answered. 

"And I am Omnus of Eltar, born of the Order of Zoltar, like my great-grandfather Zordon before me." Omnus greeted. 

"Why are we here?" Toby asked.

"I am glad you asked." Omnus replied. "This planet is in great danger."

"Great danger?! That's terrible!" Pinkie said.

"It is, my dear. Observe the Viewing Globe." Omnus said, directing the group towards the crystal ball. Within it, the five observed the Imps rampaging in the city square, then an image of Diabolica himself. "This is Emperor Diabolica, leader of the Tauran Empire. He seeks to take over this planet and then the entire multiverse. You five have been selected to form an elite team of heroes known as the Power Rangers." 

"...Power Rangers?" Usagi asked, tilting her head slightly. 

"Please direct your attention to the podium at the right." Omnus instructed. The group surrounded said podium, looking at the watches and gemstones.

"These are the Power Watches. They will allow you to morph into your Ranger forms when you call out 'Multiverse, Save Core Earth'. Next to the watches are your Power Gems, imbued with the energies of the ancient dinosaurs. Naruto: you have been granted the power of the mighty Tyrannosaurus, and the position of the Red Ranger. Toby, the Stegosaurus and the role of Blue Ranger. Lettuce, the Triceratops and powers of the Green Ranger. Usagi, the Hadrosaueus and the abilities of the Yellow Ranger. Pinkie, thw Anklylosaurus and the duties of the Pink Ranger." Taking the watches and gems, the group placed the gems in the bottom center holes of the watches. "You also have control of mighty Zords, massive war machines that are only to be used as a last resort." Omnus explained. "Your Zords can combine into the Multimegazord, the ultimate weapon against evil. Now, go! Fight off the Imps, and may the power protect you."

    The newly-minted Rangers were transported to the city square, where the Imps were waiting for them. Getting in fighting positions, Naruto in the front, Usagi and Toby at the left and right, Lettuce and Pinkie at the back, the team began to strategize. After a bit of pondering, Toby spoke up. "Let's split up. That way we can take these guys down easier." The others nodded, and split up. Toby realized rather quickly that splitting up may not have been the best idea, as he had no experience in either martial arts or hand to hand combat. Deciding to improvise with random punches and kicks, Toby found that taking the Imps down was surprisingly easy. 

    Usagi, however, was having much more difficulty in fighting the Imps, however. The experience of facing small devils caused Usagi to break down in tears. This had an advantage, however: the sound of her cries were picked up by the yellow Power Gem, and amplified into an energy attack, knocking the two Imps back. The Imps tried attacking Usagi again. And again. And again, to no avail. Toby ran over to Usagi, calmed her down and gave her some words of encouragement. Usagi's tears subsided, and she got up. Remembering all the manga she read back home, Usagi sent a flying kick towards the Imps.

    Lettuce, much like Usagi and Toby, had no experience in personal combat whatsover, but he already had a plan. Noticing several wooden planks nearby, Lettuce ran, making sure the Imps followed him. Making sure to arm himself with a plank, Lettuce looked at the Imps. "Hey fellas." he greeted. "I wanted to invite you to my 'Welcome to the Power Rangers' party." The Imps looked at each other, then at Lettuce. "Oh come on, guys, it'll be a BASH!" And with that, Lettuce brought down the plank onto the first Imp's head, cracking its skull open. The second Imp stopped fighting to mourn its fallen comrade, so Lettuce took rhe chance to crack open that one's skull too.

    Naruto, meanwhile, had the easiest time fighting the Imps. Using his Shadow Clone technique, Naruto created a double of himself to assist him in fighting off the foot soldiers. The duo, using all the moves that they could think of on one hand, easily defeated the Imps.

    Pinkie, likewise, had the easiest time in fighting the Imps. Using her party cannon (which she never left home without), Pinkue aimed at the first Imp and launched a cake at it. This provided her not only with a victory, but also a viable distraction while she fought the second Imp. Grabbing the small demon-like creature, Pinkie proceeded to bodyslam the creature, causing it to explode from the force of the impact, which caused Pinkie to rebound like a rubber ball. The first Imp stopped eating the cake that had been launched at it, and charged at the pink mare. Pinkie's response was to stuff the poor screaming Imp into the cannon, and fire at a nearby brick wall. 

    Emperor Diabolica was not happy. Not happy at all, no siree bob. His entire plan to invade Core Earth was already coming apart, and at the hands of ordinary citizens, no less! But he was determined to stop these puny creatures, no matter the cost. "UNIREX!" he bellowed. "Destroy those foolish beings!" 

"...Yes, master." Unirex replied, his voice sounding like Christian Bale's Batman gargling gravel. 

Meanwhile, the Rangers were congratulating each other on their victories against the Imps when Naruto saw Unirex being sent down. "Looks like we've got another guy to deal with." he said.

"Whoa! Freaky." Toby said.

"Wait...Omnus said these watches would give us power!" Lettuce piped in. "Let's do it!" 

The others nodded. "MULTIVERSE, SAVE CORE EARTH!" they invoked as white energy encased the group and the Ranger suits materialized. The helmets were entirely solid colors, aside from the visors which were purely black embroidered with gold. The suits themselves were mostly solid, with white diamond shapes located on the shoulders, chests, lower torsos, and legs. The chestpieces were golden symbols depicting a picture of Core Earth. When the morphing sequence had finished, the team posed in the same positions as earlier, with an explosion randomly happening behind them. No one commented on this, not even the monster that they were about to fight. 

"HAHAHA!" Unirex taunted. "Nice costumes, fools! Where are you going, a masquerade ball for basement geeks?" 

"No, but we know where you're going!" Toby replied. "Back to the slime pits where you belong!" 

"Oh, is that so?" Unirex replied. "I don't think so, pal! I'm planning to stay, so I'll give you a warm welcome!" Unirex proceeded to blast a small stream of fire, knocking the team out of their poses and causing sparks to fly.

 
"Man, this guy is tough!" Naruto said.

"Yeah!" Usagi agreed, getting up and dusting herself off. 

"What do we do?" Pinkie asked.

"We fight." Lettuce answered, charging at Unirex.

"NO, WAIT A MINUTE LETTUCE, HE HAS A-" Naruto shouted as Unirex struck Lettuce with his drill horn.

"...drill." Naruto finished dryly. 

Lettuce got up, and began to tussle with Unirex, who kept drilling at him. "Whoa...just like a Rhyhorn." Toby muttered.

"A what?" Usagi asked, looking at Toby with a confused look. 

"I'll tell you later. Right now we have to help Lettuce." Toby replied. 

Naruto nodded, as he led the charge on Unirex, who laughed as the claw-like nails on his stubby little fingers grew into katanas. 

"Oh, I see you've returned to help your little friend here. It's too bad you'll get to see him be turned into chicken nuggets." the creature said. 

"...What. Did. You. Call me, motherfucker?!" Lettuce shouted, his blood boiling. 

"You heard me, little bird. You heard me so very well." Unirex replied, sharpening his claws and walking towards Lettuce. 

"NOBODY...CALLS ME...CHICKEN!" Lettuce shouted, charging up a punch and striking Unirex in the stomach. Unirex not only fell back, but seemed to get weaker. Much weaker. 

"That's it! His weak spot is his stomach!" Naruto said to his teammates. 

Toby grinned at Naruto underneath his helmet. "You thinking what I'm thinking?" 

"You know it!" Naruto replied, readying a flying kick. Toby and the others did the same.

"OK, team. On three! One...two...THREE!" Naruto said, the entire team fly-kicking Unirex, causing him to explode. 

    This pissed Diabolica off further, and he turned to Drako with a fierce look. "Bring him back." he said coldly. 
"I honestly would, sire, but there's only one problem: I cannot bring Unirex back, unless the forces of chaos are called upon to make him grow."

"Where is the problem in that, then?" Diabolica questioned, his tone becoming angrier.

"The forces of chaos are very dangerous and risky to summon, my lord. There's a chance that if brought back, Unirex would become unstable." Drako explained. 

"Then that is a risk we will have to take." Diabolica said, moving over to the cauldron. "FORCES OF CHAOS, MAKE MY BLOODBEAST GROOOOW!" Diabolica shouted, summoning a red bolt of lightning that struck the spot where Unirex once stood, reviving the monster and changing him into a giant. 

"Whoa!" Lettuce shouted. "He's as big as a battleship!" 

"What'll we do?!" Usagi asked, scared. "There's no way we can fight him while we're this small!"

"Omnus also mentioned something called a 'Multimegazord', right?" Toby asked Naruto. "We can summon that to deal with Unirex!" 

"Good idea!" Naruto said. "WE NEED DINOZORD POWER NOW!" he shouted up at the sky. In the distance, loud roars could be heard as the Dinozords were summoned. The Tyrannosaurus Dinozord was mostly a solid red with patches of silver and glowing white eyes. The Stegosaurus Dinozord was almost entirely blue, aside from the silver and gold colorations of its spinal fins, as well as the purely silver underbelly and legs, with eyes that glowed an eerie yellow. The Triceratops Zord was entirely green, with menacing red eyes. The Hadrosaurus Dinozord was of a similar vein, colored an entirely solid yellow, with blue eyes just like Usagi's. The Ankylosaurus Dinozord's top half was a hot pink, while the bottom half was entirely silver. The cockpits of each Zord were all identical, being entirely silver rooms with a colored symbol representing the Dinozord, and by extension, the Ranger piloting it. The controls for the Zords, likewise, were identical, consisting of various buttons and joysticks much like a video game. When the Rangers were transported into the cockpits of their Dinozords, each of them had different reactions and comments:

"Red Ranger locked and loaded!" Naruto said.

"Awesome!" Toby commented.

"It's time to kick ass and chew bubble gum...and I'm all outta gum." Lettuce declared.

"Ooh, is that a stereo?" Usagi asked, noticing a stereo system in her Zord. 

"...A CANDY DRAWER?!" Pinkie shouted excitedly. 

Once the other Rangers were ready, Naruto began the transformation sequence for the Multimegazord. "Multimegazord sequence has been activated." a robotic voice announced as the Tyrannosaurus Dinozord began to transform into the head and torso of a human. The Stegosaurus Dinozord split itself in half to form the arms, attaching themselves to the body. The Ankylosaurus and Hadrosaurus Dinozords merged together to form the left leg, and the Triceratops Dinozord formed the right leg. "Multimegazord sequence complete." the robotic voice announced as the transformation finished. Now in a cockpit big enough to fit all of them, the Rangers prepared to take Unirex down once and for all. 

"Oh, goody! I have a new playmate!" Unirex cackled as he charged at the Multimegazord.

"You wanna play?!" Naruto taunted. "All righty then, let's play wrestlers!" The Multimegazord then stopped Unirex dead in his tracks as it piledrived the monster into the ground. Unirex let out a groan of pain as he slowly got up.

 
"You wanna play dirty? Fine, I'll play dirty too!" Unirex shouted as he activated his drill horn. 

"Activate Dino Shields!" Toby said quickly as he pressed a button that formed dual solid gold rounded shields that appeared in the Multimegazord's hands. Unirex's drill gave off bright sparks as it tried weakening the shields. The Multimegazord, when the drill began to slow down from exerting so much energy, threw the left shield at the horn, breaking it off and leaving a massive hole in Unirex's forehead. 

"NO! MY BEAUTIFUL HORN!" Unirex shouted, rather upset. Making his claws grow again, Unirex raised his arms to slash at the Multimegazord, knocking the robot back quite a bit. Thinking quickly, Lettuce readied the second Dino Shield and tossed it, hoping to counterattack. What he got instead was the shield coming back like a boomerang, cutting off both of Unirex's arms in the process. Now armless and mostly without defenses, Unirex continued to fight even though he was bleeding out slowly. Seizing the chance to finish off their foe, the Rangers summoned the Power Sword, a silver blade that landed hilt-up onto the ground. Picking it up, the Multimegazord readied a finishing move as Unirex begged for mercy.

"Please don'r kill me!" Unirex begged. "I didn't mean it when I insulted your outfits! I'm sor-" Unirex didn't get to finish his pleas, as the slash from the Power Sword caused him to explode. 

"Good work, Rangers." Omus said, communicating with the Multimegazord. "Return to the Command Center at once."

    Meanwhile, Emperor Diabolica had reached his boiling point. "YOU IDIOTS! IF IT WEREN'T FOR THOSE POWER RANGERS, OUR FIRST ATTACK WOULD'VE BEEN SUCCESSFUL!"

"Do not worry, my emperor. We will defeat them soon enough." Baphomet said.

"I hope so, Baphomet." Vipera said, stroking her lover's head. "For once we do, we will make them pay."

"I honestly hope we don't defeat them soon." Circe whispered to Kraky, sharing a bowl of popcorn with her friend. "The Emperor's meltdowns are just too fun to watch."

    Meanwhile, at the Command Center, Omnus was smiling at his Rangers from beneath his hood. "You have done well, Power Rangers. You have shown Emperor Diabolica that as a team, you are a force of good that will be reckoned with. But even though we've won this battle, there are many more to be fought." 

Naruto took a deep breath, and spoke. "Even if it takes the rest of our lives, we'll dedicate every day to defeating Diabolica. Who's with me?"

"I am." Lettuce said, extending a flipper.

"Me too!" Toby said, placing his hand on Lettuce's flipper.

"Even though that was really scary, count me in!" Usagi said, placing her hand.

"Me four!" Pinkie said happily, putting her right hoof on the pile.

Naruto grinned as he joined hands, flipper, and hoof with his teammates. Throwing their appendages into the air, one thing could be heard in the Command Center:

"POWER RANGERS!"
 

-----------------------------------------------------

And lo and behold, the saga of the newest Power Rangers team begins. This first episode/chapter was a lot of fun to write, and I hope you guys enjoyed it as much as I did. Constructive feedback is not only welcomed, but encouraged as well.

Edited May 7, 2018 by Renegade the Unicorn

[4EverGreen]

Here's the second and FINAL part of my latest "Total Cartoon Global Cruise" episode! I hope you enjoy reading it, as much as I did writing it! / 

“Performance Review: Total Cartoon Global Cruise's Greatest Hits” / The commercials end, and the camera opens up on the eliminated contestants, with a FULLY bandaged Angelica Pickles now situated between Taotie and Oonski. And she just glares an ANGRY look at everyone and angrily muffles: “MMMM! MMMM! MMMM!” Harvey asks: “What did she just say?!” Blonda says: “Speaking for Angelica, because heaven KNOWS nobody else will, she simply said, 'Don't say a WORD'!!!!” Spongebob says: “Trust me, we weren't GOING to!” Eliza says: “Everyone, it's time to continue our inquiry against Bulma Briefs! Sanjay and Heffer, you're both up next!” Sanjay says: “Bulma, when Blonda entered the competition, it REALLY seemed to strike a NERVE with you, and not a GOOD one, either! Was the reason that you were against her and anyone who ALIGNED with her, was because you were AFRAID she was going to concoct a more nefarious scheme than the one YOU had planned for the majority of the contestants this season?!” Bulma says: “Honestly?! A little!” Blonda smirks, and she says: “I KNEW that I got UNDER her skin! Metaphorically speaking, of course!” Bulma says: “But the BIGGEST reason I was against her and ANYBODY she associated with?! She was an IRRITANT!” Blonda groans, and she says: “EVERYBODY is a CRITIC!” Bulma says: “But if it's any consolation, I didn't vote you off because of anything YOU did specifically, but you HAD been a member of Team Retro BEFORE you were a member of MY team! You were an outsider, so if our team HAD to eliminate somebody, you were the FIRST on the chopping block! I wanted to keep as much of MY team intact as possible!” Sanjay says: “Well, you didn't do a good job of THAT, did you now?! Out of the eighteen contestants who made up Team Sniz is Really, Really, Really Cool to begin with, only FOUR of them, including yourself, managed to make it to the Team Merge when the Team Challenges ended!” Captain Retro says: “That was partially MY fault, as well! I NEEDED to have the team I was on, win as many challenges as they possibly could win! That would make Bulma's nefarious plans HARDER to pull off, if she had fewer contestants to work with, and would therefore, be more prone to slipping up and making mistakes without anyone to provide any critical oversights to her strategic blind-spots. You see, Blonda didn't just irritate Bulma, she made Bulma become OBSESSED with voting Blonda and her allies OUT of the game! And by doing that, she ENSURED herself that she would NOT be the winner of this season!” Bulma asks: “Are you saying that it's all MY fault?!” Captain Retro says: “Partially, but it was also your REACTIONS to everyone else that did you in. This game show wasn't just about ACTIONS, it was about REACTIONS as well!”

Sanjay says: “And for the record, Bulma, I don't appreciate the way YOU reacted to ME, simply because I chose to help Blonda out in that Russia challenge. You didn't even really give me the chance to PROVE myself!” Bulma says: “Look, kid--.” Sanjay says: “Hold up! I have an ACTUAL name! And from what I heard, you have a REALLY lousy history with getting to know ANYBODY personally in this game! Do you EVEN remember what MY last name IS?!” Bulma groans, and says: “I don't KNOW! Sanjay Coothrapalli?” Sanjay seriously says: “It's Sanjay Patel, and you just confirmed what I thought about you. You didn't want to get to know ANYBODY personally in this game; you didn't care about making friendships or the way you treated other people at all! And it's for THAT reason why I don't care for the way you TREATED the majority of the contestants you had a hand in eliminating this season?!” Bulma says: “So because of that, you're bitter TOO?!” Sanjay says: “I'm not bitter, just disappointed! No further questions.” Heffer asks: “Bulma, how could you eliminate ME?! I was an audience FAVORITE!!!!” Bulma says: “Only according to Blonda! Besides, do you have ANY idea how much FOOD you consumed during your stay as a contestant?! During your 25 episodes as a contestant this season, including performance reviews, you always had a breakfast, second breakfast, brunch, second brunch, lunch, second lunch, 'dunch', second 'dunch', maybe watch a marathon of Rocko's Modern Life, than have a late dinner! That's NINE square meals a day, which for those episodes alone, would add up to 225 meals total!”

Larry says: “SHEESH! That's a healthy eater!” Bulma says: “That's not the POINT!!!! The point is, how are you not DEAD from indigestion or something like that ALREADY?!” Heffer shrugs, and he says: “I don't know. A fast metabolism, I guess.” Captain Retro says: “He's also a steer and has FOUR stomachs! Statistically speaking, he actually NEEDS to eat more in order to fill those up!” Heffer asks: “First off, Captain Retro, THANK you for remembering that I'm a STEER!” And Bulma, is the only reason you got rid of me was because I ATE so much?!” Bulma says: “I would be LYING if I said that factor didn't cross my mind! But the BIGGEST factor, was that Taotie called you, and I quote; 'Fatty-Fatty Two by Four Can't Fit Through the Kitchen Door'! Taotie angrily says: “Oh, SURE!!!! Insult BOTH him and ME in the same sentence why don't you?!” Heffer says: “Bulma, try and shame MY body AND my life-style all you WANT!!!! All I know is, that as far as my family is concerned, big IS beautiful! And NOTHING you say is going to change their LOVE for me! No further questions!” Darwin says: “It's time for the next song in our countdown, and it comes from the episode where Blonda made her BIG debut as a contestant!” Blonda groans and asks: “Oh, does it HAVE to be THAT one?!” Eliza says: “Sorry, it's popular with the kids! It's time to see Blonda's big show-stopping number!” /

Note: All songs are presented in their original format. / 10. Genre: Hard Rock. Sub-Genre: Glam Metal (Poison). Song: "Nothin' But a Good Time." Sung by: Blonda, Heffer, Larry, Taotie, and Sanjay. / Blonda: "Now Listen; not a dime, I can't pay my rent! I can barely make it through the week!" Heffer: "Saturday night, I'd like to meet my girl, but right now, I can't make ends meet." Taotie: "I'm always working, slaving every day! Gotta get a break from that same old, same old." Larry: "I need a chance just to get away! If you could hear me think, this is what I'd say!" Blonda and Heffer: "Don't need nothing but a good time! How can I resist?! Ain't looking for nothing but a good time, and it don't get better than this!" Taotie: "They say I spend my money on women and wine!" Larry: "But I couldn't tell you where I spent last night." Heffer: "I'm really sorry about the shape I'm in. I just like my fun every now and then." Taotie: "I'm always working, slaving every day! Gotta get a break from that same old, same old." Sanjay: "I need a chance just to get away! If you could hear me think, this is what I'd say!" Blonda and Heffer: "Don't need nothing but a good time! How can I resist?! Ain't looking for nothing but a good time, and it don't get better than this!" Taotie: "You see I, raise a toast to all of us, who are breaking our backs every day! If wanting the good life is such a crime; oh, then put me away! Here's to ya!" (Instrumental solo) Blonda and Heffer: "Don't need nothing, but a good time! How can I resist? Ain't looking for nothing but a good time, and it don't get better than this! Don't need nothing, but a good time! How can I resist?!" (Heffer's weight causes the ice beneath him to break, causing Heffer and Sanjay to fall THROUGH it, but Blonda manages to jump away just in time, but she unintentionally CRACKS the frame of the painting as she lands!) Taotie: "Ain't looking for nothing, but a good time! And it don't get better than this! It don't get better!" / The audience applauds and laughs loudly, while Blonda claps sarcastically. Blonda says: “VERY funny! Let's all LAUGH at the lady who CRACKED the painting!” Darwin says: “Next up, Globitha and Robot! Since you both left the show together, you can question Bulma together!” Globitha says: “I'm sure we both want to ask the same question! Why did YOUR team choose to eliminate ME?! It's not like I was the biggest THREAT to your team!” Bulma says: “Look, that much is true. But I had to consider my options carefully. If our team got rid of a REAL threat, like Dudley from Team TUFF, it would have riled up the REST of you, and would've been a DISASTER for my team, as you would have been motivated to win more challenges! Besides, nobody TOLD Robot to quit WITH you! He chose THAT on his own!”

Robot says: “But you knew that I truly LOVED her, DIDN'T you?! You knew that I wouldn't want to continue on in the show without her! So you eliminated HER, to get to ME!!!!” Bulma says: “Not that YOU were important enough to be worried about, but the move was purely about keeping MY team intact, and taking a pot-shot at Team TUFF!” Robot says: “That was a LOUSY move!” Globitha says: “And quite frankly, YOU were a LOUSY contestant this season! No further questions!” Robot says: “No further questions from me, either!” Eliza says: “Which means that it's time for the next song on our countdown! And it comes from the episode where Globitha and Robot were eliminated and/or quit the game! Here's a rocking song from the Area 51 Challenge episode!” /

9. Genre: 1980's Rock. Sub-Genre: Jefferson Starship. Song: "Layin' It on the Line." Sung by: Cast! / Zarbon: "You see it every day in every way." Bulma: "We all hear the same routines, they all say that it's okay." Spongebob: "Just let us take care of everything!" Patrick: "So we lay it on the line!" Robot and Globitha: "Layin' it on the line! (Layin' it on the line). Layin' it all (Right on the line!) Just layin' it on the line. (Layin' it on the line!) Layin' it all." Larry: "We're living on the front line." Stimpy: "I can see it in the faces." Marlene: "We gotta trouble in the streets tonight, and power keeps us in our places!" Captain Retro: "It doesn't matter if you're left or right, you lay it on the line!" Dog and Randolph: "Layin' it on the line! (Layin' it on the line.) Just layin' it all (Right on the line!) Layin' it on the line. (Layin' it on the line!) Layin' it all (Right on the line!)" Rocko: "Take it to the wilderness!" Reggie: "Into the jungle sun!" Daggett: "Looking for the voice of reason inside this Babylon." Norbert: "Got U.S. boys on foreign soil, spillin' their blood to keep the peace." Taotie: "Cities will vanish in turmoil, while the sheiks lay sleeping on the beach!" Phoebe: "We lay it on the line!" Gonard and Monster: "Layin' it on the line. (Layin' it on the line!) Layin' it all (Right on the line!) Just layin' it on the line. (Layin' it on the line!) Layin' it all (Right on the line!") Po and Tigress: "Layin' it on the line. Just layin' it on, layin' it on the line! Layin' it on." Cast: "Layin' it on the line. Just layin' it on, layin' it on the line. Layin' it on!" / And the epic song ends. / The audience applauds loudly, and Darwin says: “Buhdeuce, King Julien, the both of you are up next! Ask Bulma anything APPROPRIATE that you want!” Buhdeuce says: “Don't know why you had to emphasize THAT word to us! Bulma, it LITERALLY made no sense to eliminate EITHER of us in that Big Sur challenge! We actually TRIED to help our team win! Blonda was the one who COST us THAT challenge!” Blonda says: “Fake NEWS!!!!” Captain Retro says: “That strategy only WORKED, and NOT very well, I might add, for ONE person! YOU are NOT that person! And the sooner you accept that, the better off you'll BE for it!” Buhdeuce says: “Look, did you VOTE me off because of all the QUESTIONABLE things that happened on theBreadwinners show? Or did you just GENUINELY not LIKE anything I did?!” Bulma says: “I don't EVEN have to ANSWER that!” Buhdeuce says: “I want the TRUTH!” Bulma says: “You can't HANDLE the TRUTH!” Buhdeuce says: “Try me!” Bulma says: “Fine! It was BOTH!!!! I didn't like you, OR your show! Does THAT disappoint YOU?!” Buhdeuce says: “Honestly? It would've been BETTER, if you had actually vote me off for doing something WRONG, than just simply HATING me! No further questions!”

King Julien asks: “And what were you THINKING in voting me OFF?! I am an actual lemur king! We're talking ROYALTY here!” Bulma says: “You were also FULL of yourself, obsessed with Skipper, and just wanted to PARTY!” King Julien asks: “And what's wrong with partying?!” Bulma says: “I can't answer that, without going into a LENGTHY explanation of EVERY single mistake you have EVER made either in YOUR movies, or on YOUR show, OR as a contestant! And trust me, I kept careful TRACK!” King Julien says: “Your problem is that you only WANT to see the FLAWS in others, and NOT find the virtues they have within! Honestly; I almost feel SORRY for you!” Captain Retro says: “The key word being; ALMOST!” Bulma says: “Like he ASKED for YOUR opinion!” King Julien says: “But at least I VALUE it, unlike YOU! No further questions!” Blonda nervously asks: “You're not going to play that ANNOYING song that Bulma sang in the Olympics Challenge, are you?” Eliza says: “Fortunately for you, that song does NOT appear on our countdown! Instead, let us go to Phoebe and Monster, who get to question Bulma Briefs next! Phoebe, do you have anything to ask?”

Phoebe says: “Just one question. How did you EVER get the NERVE to do all the things you DID to everyone this season?!” Bulma says: “I was DESPERATE to get that Clean Slate! I'm sure YOU would understand! You were SO desperate to get a trophy that looked like Emily Dickinson, you PLAGIARIZED someone's anonymous poem!” Phoebe says: “Which I felt TOTALLY ashamed of, after the fact! The difference between you and ME, is that I can ADMIT when I did something wrong, and take personal RESPONSIBILITY for my actions! Was YOUR mistake SO bad that you needed to DO what you did to SO many contestants this season?!” Bulma says: “First of all, I never actually targeted YOU! You weren't even on my Danger Radar; metaphorically speaking! Second thing; if you SAW that incident, you would UNDERSTAND why I went to so much trouble!” Phoebe says: “I doubt it! Prove it!” Bulma says: “I WON'T!” Captain Retro says: “I can! Basically, she had the ORIGINAL 'Wardrobe Malfunction', if you catch my drift! In front of an audience of hundreds, and that's only the in-studio audience, there was a mass of people who saw Bulma's bloomers!” Bulma, SHOCKED about this, simply says: “I have; no comment!” Phoebe says: “Still doesn't make what you DID any better! No further questions!” Bulma asks: “And what does Monster have to say to me?! Are YOU going to get MAD at me, to?!” Monster says: “Do you think I'm THAT type of guy?! I don't WISH to get mad! Merely to understand! In all the time that you planned the elimination's of others, figuring out humiliating facts and humiliating ways to eliminate others, did it ever OCCUR to you that there was a CHANCE that your STRATEGY was going to FALL all apart?!” Bulma scoffs, and says: “Absolutely not! If I had THOUGHT there was a CHANCE my plan wasn't going to work, I NEVER would've gone through with it in the FIRST place!” Captain Retro says: “And that's the BIGGEST reason why you failed! When you DON'T plan for the impossible, it ALWAYS becomes INEVITABLE, that something BAD will happen to YOU, and all your carefully well-laid plans!” Bulma says: “Maybe you haven't noticed, but I don't LIKE failures!” Captain Retro says: “This might come as a surprise to you, but I'm afraid that failure is just something you're going to have to deal with in life. Besides, it's only BY failing that you can LEARN from your mistakes and grow emotionally and intellectually!” Monster says: “Exactly! None of us may LIKE failing! But at LEAST we can accept it and move ON from it! No further questions!” Darwin says: “Which means that it's time for the next song in our countdown!” Bulma says: “It's about TIME that I caught a BREAK!” Eliza says: “It's a song that comes from our United Kingdom episode challenge! It's only rock and roll, but we LIKE it!” /

8. Genre: The Rolling Stones. Sub-Genre: Rock and Roll. Song: "I Know It's Only Rock and Roll (But I Like It!)" / Sung by: Cast! / Zarbon: “If I could stick my hand in my heart and spill it all over the stage, would it satisfy ya, would it slide on by ya, would you think the boy is strange? Ain't he strange?” Blonda to Monster: “If I could win ya, if I could sing ya a love song so divine, would it be enough for your cheating heart if I broke down and cried? If I cried?” Team Retro: “I said, I know it's only rock 'n roll but I like it. I know it's only rock 'n roll but I like it, like it, yes, I do! Oh, well, I like it, I like it, I like it.” Gonard: “I said, can't you see that this old boy has been lonely?” Taotie: “If I could stick a knife in my heart; suicide right on stage! Would it be enough for your teenage lust, would it help to ease the pain? Ease your brain?” Skipper to Marlene: “If I could dig down deep in my heart, feelings would flood on the page. Would it satisfy ya, would it slide on by ya, would ya think the boy's insane? He's insane!” Team TUFF: “I said, I know it's only rock 'n roll but I like it. I know it's only rock 'n roll but I like it, like it, yes, I do! Oh, well, I like it, yeah, I like it, I like it.” Wally: “I said, can't you see that this old boy has been lonely?”

Blonda to Bulma: “And do ya think that you're the only girl around?” Bulma to Blonda: “I bet you think that you're the only woman in town.” Team S.R.R.R.C.: “I said, I know it's only rock 'n roll but I like it. I said, I know it's only rock 'n roll but I like it. I know it's only rock 'n roll but I like it. I know it's only rock 'n roll but I like it, like it, yes, I do! Oh, well, I like it, I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. It's only rock 'n roll but I like it. It's only rock 'n roll but I like it. It's only rock 'n roll but I like it. It's only rock 'n roll but I like it. It's only rock 'n roll but I like it. It's only rock 'n roll but I like it. It's only rock 'n roll but I like it. It's only rock 'n roll but I like it. It's only rock 'n roll but I like it. It's only rock 'n roll but I like it. It's only rock 'n roll but I like it. It's only rock 'n roll but I like it. It's only rock 'n roll but I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. Oh yeah, I like it!” / The audience applauds loudly, and Darwin says: “It's time for what might just be the most important former contestant to ask Bulma Briefs some questions! He's a yellow sponge who has been on the air for 19 years, give it up for Spongebob Squarepants!” And everyone in the audience applauds loudly at this! Bulma seriously asks: “You expect ME to be worried about some yellow sponge?!” Captain Retro says: “If I were you, and I'm SO glad I'm NOT, I WOULD be!” Stanley says: “Go GET her, Spongebob!” Bulma asks: “And just HOW, is Spongebob going to--?” Spongebob interrupts and angrily says: “Don't you DARE make SMALL talk with me! I am VERY angry with you! You DELIBERATELY utilized the elimination format of that Australia episode to get rid of ME, by utilizing Blonda in that tie-breaker challenge! And what's WORSE, you manipulated SKIPPER into THROWING that idea OUT there!” Bulma says: “Can I help it if Skipper is SO impulsive?!”

Spongebob says: “Patrick just SUFFERED a nasty HEAD wound! You KNEW he was confused, and by having Skipper THROW my name out as a TARGET to be eliminated, you KNEW Patrick would be SO confused from his head wound, he would ACCIDENTALLY vote for ME instead of Blonda!” Bulma says: “Look, if you were in MY position; would you ignore the PERFECT opportunity to get the OBVIOUS Under the Radar Winner OUT of the competition?! You had the PERFECT Under the Radar Edit! You kept yourself SO unnoticed, that EVERYONE was going to IGNORE you, until it would be FAR too late to eliminate you, because by THAT point, it would just waste a VOTE! That's why I had to get rid of you BEFORE the Team Merge, when it was STILL possible to eliminate you! And, SPOILER alert! Even if you HAD beaten Blonda in the Tie-Breaker, the rest of our team STILL would've banded AGAINST you, in order to vote YOU off!” Spongebob rhetorically asks: “By saying that I was responsible for Blonda LOSING, and therefore nullifying ANY possible immunity?! You are SO blatantly PREDICTABLE, in retrospect! I can't BELIEVE that you felt threatened by ME, of ALL contestants!” Bulma asks: “Tell me, how ELSE could I compete with your ENORMOUS popularity?! Even MY show had difficulty beating YOURS in the ratings!” Spongebob says: “That's NO excuse for engineering MY elimination! Also, expect ME to root for a contestant in the Final Five, who is the COMPLETE antithesis of everything YOU were this season! No further questions!” Eliza says: “Which means that it's time for the next song in our countdown, and it's VERY appropriate, for describing the majority of Bulma's actions this entire season, as it comes from the episode where Spongebob was eliminated, in the Australia episode!” /

7. Genre: Hard Rock. Sub-genre: INXS. Song: “Devil Inside.” Sung by: Team Sniz is Really, Really, Really, Cool. / During this sequence, lots of fiery and Satanic imagery is featured, mainly of Taotie and BULMA looking like the devil. / Taotie looks to Blonda and laughs: “Here come the woman, with the look in her eye. Raised on leather, with flesh on her mind.” Zarbon: “Words as weapons, sharper than knives! Makes you wonder how the other half die! How the other half die! Devil inside, devil inside, every single one of us the devil inside. Devil inside, devil inside, every single one of us the Devil inside!” Gonard: “Makes you wonder, wonder, wonder.” Bulma, to Skipper: “Here come the man, with the look in his eye. Fed on nothing, but full of pride!” Larry: “Look at them go, look at them kick! Makes you wonder how the other half live!”Taotie: “Devil inside, the devil inside, every single one of us the devil inside. Devil inside, every single one of us, the devil inside!” Blonda: “Here come the world, with the look in its eye! Future uncertain but certainly slight.” Skipper: “Look at the faces, listen to the bells! It's hard to believe we need a place called Hell! A place called Hell!”

Bulma: “The devil inside, the devil inside, every single one of us the Devil inside. Devil inside, the devil inside, every single one of us!” Taotie points to Blonda: “Here comes the woman, with the look in her eye. She's raised on leather, with flesh on her mind.” Zarbon: “Words are weapons, sharper than knives! Makes you wonder how the other half die! Devil inside, the devil inside, every single one of us, the devil inside. Devil inside, devil inside, every single one of us, the devil inside!” Taotie: “Devil inside, Devil inside, every single one of us, the devil inside. Devil inside, Devil inside, every single one of us, the devil inside!” Skipper: “The devil inside! Yeah, yeah, yeah! The devil inside! Yeah, yeah, yeah!” (Instrumental solo plays out, and the epic song ends). / The audience applauds loudly, and Bulma sarcastically says: “Isn't it AMAZING what they can do with C.G.I. Graphics these days?! Why is this TAKING so long?!” Captain Retro says: “It's kind of YOUR own fault! If you didn't want to FACE such a Humiliation Conga, you SHOULD'VE gotten eliminated SOONER!” Harvey asks: “A Humiliation Conga? What's that?!” Spongebob says: “No doubt some sort of writing technique that Captain Retro researched on TV Tropes, but I don't recommend using it until you're at least 12, Harvey!” Harvey says: “Man, it STINKS being so young!” Haggis says: “Wait until you're a lot older, than your body will BETRAY you in other ways! You better believe THAT!” Darwin says: “It's time for two more former contestants, to ask questions from Bulma!” Blonda says: “It's about TIME we got to THIS part!” Eliza says: “Both eliminated from the China challenge, give it up for Larry and Blonda!” Larry asks: “I was only ON your team for two challenges, so I can understand why you wouldn't be as willing to keep ME in the game! But if I had been allowed to face Blonda in a tie-breaker and win, would you have kept me on?” Bulma says: “Without a doubt, I WOULD have! I NEEDED Blonda like I would NEED a DISEASE! Besides, she was MAKING everybody on OUR team TRIP!” Larry says: “No argument there!” Blonda angrily says: “Oh, SHUT UP!!!!” Bulma says: “You're only angry that between the two of us, you STILL managed to come off looking WORSE than I did!” Blonda says: “I hope you don't expect ME to DIGNIFY that with a PROPER response!” Larry says: “All I know is, Bulma would've kept me LONGER over YOU! No further questions!” Blonda is miffed, but asks: “YOU think you're SO smart, don't you, Bulma?!” Bulma says: “I would HAVE to be, to outlast YOU, wouldn't I?!” Blonda says: “That may be; all I know is that I didn't actually LOSE in any ACTUAL challenge! It wasn't a FAIR elimination!” Bulma says: “There was NOTHING to save you, Blonda! As far as WE were concerned, you used UP all your chances to prove yourself by the end of the Big Sur challenge!”

Blonda says: “You only targeted ME, because you were THREATENED by me! You wouldn't have gone out of your way to get rid of me OTHERWISE!” Bulma says: “All I know is that if it WEREN'T for you, I wouldn't have been so FOCUSED on getting RID of you, and our team might have ACTUALLY made Team Retro come in last place!” Captain Retro says: “Not true! Taotie would've messed you up!” Blonda smirks and says: “See?! Even Captain Retro agrees with me!” Bulma seriously says: “Statistically speaking, I suppose SOMEBODY has to!” Blonda says: “Sheesh! Even when I'M the one grilling YOU; you're STILL the one who manages to irritate ME more! No further questions!” Darwin says: “Which means it's time for the contestants who actually made it to the Team Merge, this season! Taotie and Tigress, you're up next!” Taotie asks: “Bulma, did you actually LET me LOSE, just to get RID of Tigress?!” Tigress says: “SHE didn't just want you to lose, I wanted you to lose, because I believed YOU were the bigger THREAT to everyone on this season! If I had known that Bulma was actually only using YOU to hide her devious actions this season, I wouldn't have cost you that challenge! It's not like I enjoyed LOSING, either! But at least, I was able to accept it! And I will use the opportunity to grow and become a better Kung Fu Martial Artist!” Bulma says: “I HAD to sacrifice you, Taotie! How else could I possibly have gotten RID of Tigress?! If it wasn't for that Congo challenge twist; Tigress would've WHUPPED everyone else in the physical challenges! How could I compete against that?! Spoiler alert, I COULDN'T!”

Po says: “That wasn't NICE, getting Taotie and Tigress paired together like that!” Bulma says: “It wasn't SUPPOSED to be! I certainly couldn't beat Tigress in the athletic department! So I HAD to use my brains to figure out an alternative to my problem! Nothing personal, you understand!” Taotie says: “That was LOUSY what you did to me! And I ought to know; I KNOW lousy! No further questions!” Tigress says: “And as shocked as I am, I actually have to AGREE with him! No further questions! Eliza says: “Randolph, you're up next.” Randolph says: “What really strikes me as weird, in retrospect, is why you kept your word with me. When you offered me $4,440 to drop out of the challenge in the Vietnam episode; why did you actually GIVE me the money after I quit?! After all, you could have just TOLD me you were going to give the money to me, and then NOT actually give the money to me after I had quit!” Bulma says: “I had two VERY good reasons for doing that. In the first place, I figured you would have raised TOO big of a stink if I went back on my word to you! That would have made Zarbon SUSPICIOUS about the validity of my motives with him, and I NEEDED him to be wrapped around my finger, lest he BETRAY me!” Zarbon says: “Because you KNOW full well that if I HAD known your true intentions, than ME betraying you should have been the LEAST of your worries!” Bulma says: “I'll talk to you LATER! The second reason, was that unlike SOME of my fellow contestants, namely Kaput, Taotie, and Blonda, I actually HAVE some standards! Besides, I'm RICH! I can give away $4,440 and not have it affect me in the slightest!” Randolph says: “I just STILL have a hard time believing that you did EVERYTHING you did just because of ONE little incident on a stage in front of a bunch of strangers!” Bulma yells: “It was HUMILIATING!!!! What part of 'humiliating' doesn't everybody GET?!!!” Randolph says: “The part where YOU felt that you had to invoke disproportionate retribution on US, who had never even SEEN the incident, by humiliating everybody you possibly COULD!!!! That's the part I don't get! And quite frankly, I don't care what kind of explanations YOU care to come up with it! It doesn't matter to me! No further questions!” Darwin says: “Which means that it's time for the next song on our countdown! It comes from the Vietnam episode, where Randolph was eliminated!” Captain Retro sighs, and asks: “Is it the song that comes right AFTER Marlene broke up with me?!” Eliza says: “Sorry, Captain Retro! It was kind of important in moving the plot of this season further along! But I hope the rest of you enjoy it anyways!” /

6. Genre: Michael Jackson. Sub-genre: Hard Rock. Song: “Torture.” Sung by: Captain Retro and others. / (Instrumental Opening) Suzie: “It was on the street so evil, so bad that even hell disowned it.” Dudley: “Every single step was trouble, for the fool who stumbled on it.” Chameleon: “Eyes within the dark were watching, I felt that sudden chill of danger.” Rocko: “Something told me to keep on walking; told me I should not have gone there. Captain Retro: “Baby, because you cut me like a knife, without your love in my life.” Dog: “I'm out, I'm walking the night cause I just can't stop this feeling. It's torture, it's torture, it's torture.” Captain Retro: “She was up a stair to nowhere. A room forever, I'll remember. She said as though I should have known her.” Skipper: “Tell me, what's your pain or pleasure?” Marlene: “Every little thing you find here, is simply for the thrill you're after.” Stimpy: “Loneliness or hearts on fire.” Wally: “I am here to serve all masters.” Zarbon, to Bulma: “She said, Reality is a knife, when there's no love in your life.” Bulma: “Unmerciful is the night when you just can't stop this feeling. It's torture, it's torture, it's torture.” Gonard: “And I still can't find the meaning, of the face I keep on seeing.” Patrick: “Was she real or am I dreaming?” Captain Retro: “Did the sound of your name turn a wheel, strike a flame in me? Whoo-hoo!” (Instrumental solo) Captain Retro: “Baby, because you cut me like a knife, without your love in my life.” Reggie: “I'm out, I'm walking the night and I just can't stop this feeling. It's torture, it's torture, it's torture.” Rocko to Reggie: “She said, Reality is a knife when there's no love in your life. Unmerciful is the night when you just can't stop this feeling. It's torture, it's torture, it's torture.” (Instrumental finish). /

The audience applauds loudly, and Darwin says: “It's time for two beavers who are not just brothers, they also became each others best friend, and best partner that each other could have had for this season! From The Angry Beavers, it's time for Daggett and Norbert to question Bulma!” Daggett asks: “Bulma, it seemed to me like your entire strategy was to avoid as MUCH physical confrontation and exertion as possible, by relying on the strengths of others, and NOT trying to do things yourself! The things that Norbert and I said to you in the Valencia, California challenge CLEARLY unnerved you; so WHY not handle the situation yourself?!” Bulma says: “Heaven knows I would have WANTED to; but the Penalty Vote Rule was in PLACE by then! I wasn't going to risk a penalty vote just to give YOU a thrashing! Besides, Zarbon could DO the job so much better than I ever could have, and probably wouldn't have gotten hit by a penalty vote in either case, simply because of the way he looked!” Zarbon says: “In retrospect, it should have dawned on me back then that Bulma MIGHT have had an ulterior motive for using me the way she did back then! I'm deeply sorry!” Daggett says: “I'm glad SOMEONE is! I just can't believe that YOU'RE not!” Bulma says: “Well I can't BELIEVE that I'm actually HERE!!!! I should have MADE the Final THREE; minimum!!!!” Captain Retro says: “There are LOTS of things that SHOULD have happened, but they DIDN'T!!!! You can't keep DWELLING on the 'Should have happened'! You NEED to focus on what IS!!!! Only then will you be able to move on and develop into something better!” Daggett says: “I'm glad SOMEONE is explaining this to her! No further questions!” Norbert says: “Bulma, I can understand why you would feel THREATENED by ME; but I STILL don't understand why you had to also take my brother out of the equation at the same time! Did HE irritate you SO much; that you decided to keep on BIGGER threats to you in the competition, such as Gonard and Po, than let Dagget stay in when he WOULDN'T have been as much of a threat?!” Bulma says: “And RISK Daggett becoming CRAZY competent after YOUR elimination?! There's no telling WHAT Daggett would have done without YOU around to advise him! So I HAD to eliminate him in order to be on the SAFE side!” Norbert says: “All I know is, Daggett didn't LOSE, to somebody who was PHYSICALLY competent at playing this game! No further questions!” Eliza says: “And now it's time for someone who was MAJORLY responsible for bringing about the end of Bulma's game-play this season! Gonard, it's YOUR turn to ask Bulma some questions!” Blonda says: “This ought to be fun! I've got goosebumps just thinking about it!”

Gonard says: “Bulma; I know you think it was LOUSY of me, that I did what I did. I used the recorder to record your conversation with me, so that Captain Retro could play it back. But the real reason as to WHY I did that, is because YOU were being LOUSY to me, and to so MANY of your fellow contestants, even BEFORE I knew what you had truly achieved in this game! You belittled me, you disrespected me, you LAUGHED at all my attempts to IMPRESS you, and you NEVER appreciated anything I ever DID for you!” Bulma asks: “So if I treated you THAT bad; WHY did you keep TRYING to impress me?!” Gonard says: “Because I wanted to bring out the GOOD in you! That's what I do! I try to bring out the best in EVERYONE!!!! Why did you want to shut OUT the goodness inside of you?!” And for once, Bulma is at a loss for words! Harvey says: “Wow! She looks like a deer caught in the headlights!” Bulma finally says: “I don't know how to truly make friends. All my life, all I've ever had to depend on where my brains and beauty. Goku and some other people might hang out with me, but they don't truly know me. They don't know how it feels, to have my intellect, to have all the PRESSURE of trying to maintain a highly profitable and successful inventing business like the Capsule Corporation! All the expectations of having to live up to my father; I don't know HOW to open up to others! All my life, I've always felt like I was alone! Because, I've never been ABLE to relate to anybody else, on a social or emotional level!” Captain Retro says: “Maybe that's because you've never TRIED to relate to anybody! Is it because you were afraid of getting emotionally hurt? Is that why you've shut so many potential friends out?”

Bulma asks: “How could you POSSIBLY know that about me?!” Captain Retro says: “Bulma, this may be hard for you to accept, but it's practically impossible to go through life without getting hurt, either emotionally or physically. The trick to not letting it get to you, is not to AVOID having any relationships, but to know how to HANDLE them in a mature, and responsible way. And if somebody DOES try to intentionally hurt you, than they're not worth being friends with in the first place!” Bulma asks: “So what does that make me?” Captain Retro says: “If you're TRULY sorry, you can start by repairing all the pain and hurt you helped cause, and start doing GOOD by everyone else! Only then, will things start to change for the better, for you.” Bulma says: “I'm going to need a lot of practice, before I'm ready to try it out with everyone back home.” Gonard says: “I can help you out with that. Because I really believe that we can be ACTUAL friends, if you truly apply yourself!” Bulma says: And just to let you know, I NEVER wanted you to get eliminated in the matter that you did! You did NOT deserve to suffer that way!” Gonard says: “I know it wasn't technically YOUR fault! That was Anti-Timmy's doing! No further questions.” Darwin says: “Which means that it's time for the next song on our countdown! This song comes from the episode where Gonard was unexpectedly eliminated, give it up for THIS rocking song!” /

5. Genre: New wave. Sub-genre: The B-52's (the band). Song: “Legal Tender.” Sung by: Bulma, Patrick, Dog, Zarbon, Captain Retro, Marlene, Suzie, Po, Skipper, Gonard, Dudley, Wally, Stimpy, Reggie, Rocko, and Chameleon. / Bulma: “We're in the basement, learning to print, all of its hot!” Patrick: “10-20-30 million ready to be spent, we're stacking them against the wall, those gangster presidents!” Dog: “Living simple and trying to get by, but honey, prices have SHOT through the sky!” Zarbon: “So I fixed up the basement, with what I was a-working with, stocked it full of jelly jars, and HEAVY equipment!” Captain Retro: “We're in the basement...learning to print! 10-20-30 million dollars, ready to be spent!” Marlene: “Walk into the bank, try to pass that trash!” Suzie: “Teller sees and says, 'Uh-huh, that's fresh as grass!' Grass!” Po: “Grass! Grass! Grass!” Skipper: “See the street pass under your feet, in time to buy the latest model getaway Jeep!” (Instrumental Solo) Gonard: “So I fixed up the basement, with what I was a-working with, stocked it full of jelly jars, and HEAVY equipment!” Dudley: “We're in the basement!” Wally: “So I fixed up the basement, with what I was a-working with, stocked it full of jelly jars, and heavy equipment!” Stimpy: “We're in the basement, learning to print, all of its hot!” Reggie and Rocko: “Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot!” Chameleon: “All counterfeit!” (Instrumental solo, fades out and the epic song ends). /

The audience applauds, and Eliza says: “Well, it certainly wasn't easy, but every single remaining contestant managed to get at least one prominent line during that song! Po, I believe it's your turn to question Bulma Briefs!” Po says: “Right! Thanks to the conversation that Captain Retro recorded, we know PRECISELY how you handled all the eliminations PRIOR to Gonard's, but not Gonard's, and not any elimination after his! Did you have anything to do with MY elimination?!” Bulma asks: “How could I?! We were on COMPLETELY different methods of transportation, and Zarbon never CALLED me to ask me for any informational health! As far as I know, the only reason why you got eliminated, was because YOU punched Zarbon, which caused you to get hit with penalty votes, causing your elimination!” Captain Retro says: “Well, Bulma's actually RIGHT about this one! Although; quite frankly, I don't really blame you for punching Zarbon, for behaving the way he did!” Zarbon sighs, and says: “In retrospect, I probably deserved it for aligning with Bulma!” Bulma says: “Po punching you was NOT my fault!” Zarbon says: “I never SAID that it was!” Po says: “In that case, I have no regrets about my elimination. No further questions.” Darwin says: “Dog and Stimpy, you BOTH get to question Bulma next! Ask whatever you'd like to ask!” Dog says: “Will do! Bulma, WHY did you ask Zarbon to cover Stimpy in black paint?!” Bulma says: “That black paint was SPECIFICALLY made to counter-act the effects of the blue moon that night! Anyone covered in it, or TOUCHING it, would NOT be affected by the blue moon!”

Stimpy says: “So THAT explains why NEITHER of us went wild or savage when the blue moon went into effect!” Bulma says: “If you had gone wild and crazy, it would have been problematic for MY plan! After all, I had to PRETEND to be affected by the blue moon to, by pretending to be all romantic and nice with Zarbon, so that he wouldn't HURT anybody!” Stimpy asks: “You did that for us?!” Bulma says: “I might have been callous and cruel, but I wasn't STUPID as far as Zarbon was concerned! I knew that he needed to be kept under control for everyone's own good!” Dog says: “No further questions.” Stimpy says: “No further questions from me, either!” Eliza says: “Which means that its time for the next song on our countdown!” Captain Retro says: “Ooh! This is going to be a GOOD one!” Darwin says: “You know that it is! Coming from the episode where both Dog and Stimpy were eliminated in, give it up for this rocking number from the El Salvador challenge episode!” /

4. Genre: The Rolling Stones. Sub-Genre: New wave. Song: “Undercover of the Night.” Sung by: Everyone except Marlene and Dudley. / (Instrumental open) Captain Retro: “Hear the screams of Center 42, loud enough to bust your brains out!” Zarbon: “The opposition's tongue is cut in two, keep off the street cause you're in danger!” Rocko: “One hundred thousand jaguars, lost in the jungles in Central America!” Bulma, romantically: “Cuddle up baby, cuddle up tight, cuddle up baby!” Zarbon, seriously: “Keep it all out of sight!” Reggie: “Undercover!” Chameleon: “Keep it all out of sight!” Rocko: “Undercover of the night!” (Instrumental break) Skipper: “The fun police are out there on the streets, make sure the pass laws are not broken!” Suzie: “The rage militia has got itchy fingers, all the way from New York back to El Salvador!” Rocko: “Cuddle up baby!” Reggie: “Keep it all out of sight!” Dog: “Cuddle up baby!” Stimpy: “Sleep with all out of sight!” Bulma, romantically: “Cuddle up baby!” Zarbon, seriously: “Keep it all out of sight!” Captain Reto: “Undercover! Undercover! Undercover!” Wally: “Keep it all out of sight!” Cast: “Undercover of the night!” (Instrumental break) Wally: “Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!” Patrick seriously: “All the young monkeys are being rounded up, and sent to camps back in the jungle!” Suzie seriously: “And people whisper, people double-talk!” Stimpy: “And once proud felines act so humble!” Bulma, romantically: “All the young girls, they have got the blues!” Zarbon, seriously: “We're heading on BACK to Center 42!” (Sees vicious sloths, and they keep running forward!) Captain Retro: “Keep it undercover! Keep it all out of sight! Keep it undercover! Keep it all out of sight! Undercover! Keep it all out of sight! Undercover! Keep it all out of sight! Undercover of the night!” (Instrumental break) Wally: “Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!” Stimpy: “Down in the bars, the girls are painted blue!” Dog: “Done up in lace, done up in rubber!” Skipper: “The guys are jerky, little, G.I. Joe's, on R&R from Cuba and Russia!” Bulma, scared: “The smell of sex, the smell of suicide! All these things, I can't keep inside!” Chameleon: “Undercover!” Zarbon, seriously: “Keep it all out of sight!” Reggie: “Undercover of the night!” Suzie: “Undercover of the night!” Stimpy: “Undercover of the night!” Captain Retro: “Undercover! Undercover!” Captain Retro and cast: “Undercover of the Night!” (Instrumental finish, and the epic song ends). /

The audience applauds loudly, and Eliza says: “It WOULD be Marlene's turn to question you next, but since she's back with Skipper on the plane, I think that instead, we'll let Captain Retro himself question you in her stead! That seems fair enough!” Captain Retro says: “There is no need for me to question Bulma Briefs. I already know her motives and reasons for doing everything she did, and I see no need for me to punish her on anyone's behalf.”

Bulma sighs in relief, and says: “Thank you, for showing mercy on me!” Captain Retro seriously says: “Which is quite frankly, more than you deserve, given on the way you treated so many of your fellow contestants this season! Besides, you've STILL got three former contestants to question you, that INCLUDES Snaptrap!” And Bulma gulps nervously! Darwin says: “Which means that it's time for the next song in our countdown! And it comes from the episode where Marlene was unexpectedly eliminated as a contestant! Fortunately, NOTHING'S going to stop her NOW!” /

3. Genre: 1980’s Rock. Sub-genre: Starship. Song: “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now.” Sung by: Skipper, Marlene, Zarbon, Bulma, Rocko, Reggie, Dudley, Chameleon, Captain Retro, Wally, Suzie, and Patrick. / (Instrumental Solo) Skipper: “Looking in your eyes, I see a paradise. This world that I've found, is too good to be true. Standing here beside you, want so much to give you this love in my heart that I'm feeling for you.” Marlene: “Let them say we're crazy, I don't care about that! Put your hand in my hand baby, don't ever look back! Let the world around us, just fall apart! Baby, we can make it if we're heart to heart!” Everyone: “And we can build this dream together, standing strong forever, nothing's gonna stop us now! And if this world runs out of lovers, we'll still have each other. Nothing's gonna stop us, nothing's gonna stop us now!” Captain Retro: “WOAH!!!!” Rocko: “I'm so glad I found you, I'm not gonna lose you. Whatever it takes, I will stay here with you. Take it to the good times, see it through the bad times. Whatever it takes, is what I'm gonna do.” Reggie: “Let them say we're crazy, what do they know? Put your arms, around me baby, don't ever let go! Let the world around us just fall apart! Baby, we can make it if we're heart to heart!” Everyone: “And we can build this dream together, standing strong forever, nothing's gonna stop us now! And if this world runs out of lovers, we'll still have each other. Nothing's gonna stop us, nothing's gonna stop us.” Zarbon: “Ooh, all that I need is you!” Bulma, thinking about money: “All that I ever need!” Dudley to Chameleon: “And all that I want to do, is hold you forever, ever and ever!” Wally: “Hey!” (Guitar Solo) Everyone: “And we can build this dream together, standing strong forever, nothing's gonna stop us now! And if this world runs out of lovers, we'll still have each other. Nothing's gonna stop us!” Suzie, about Otto: “Nothing's gonna stop us! Whoa!” Captain Retro: “Nothing's gonna stop us now! Nothing’s going to stop us now! Oh, no!” Patrick, about Pearl: “Hey baby, I know! Hey baby, nothing's gonna stop us now!” Chameleon: “Hey baby, woo! Nothing! Hey, baby! Nothing's gonna stop us now, yeah!” /

The audience applauds loudly, and Eliza says: “It's time for Wally; also sometimes called Admiral Wally, his Smartness, to question Bulma!” Bulma groans, and Bulma asks: “And just WHAT does the Rocket Monkey want to ask me?!” Wally says: “One important question; how could you THINK of doing something SO despicable as FRAMING Marlene for doing something SO heinous as sleeping with a bunch of contestants right BEFORE their eliminations?! Who do you think you ARE?! I think that out of ALL the despicable things you DID this season, that was one of the most heinous, bar NONE!!!!” Bulma says: “I felt INSULTED! That's why I DID that! And you're one to talk! You weren't exactly Mr. Competent when YOU had your OWN show!” Wally says: “At least I've LEARNED from my mistakes! I decided to become better and GROW into someone who HAS friends who accept me and like me for who I am! What have YOU learned this season?!” Bulma says: “Only that the thought that I could actually BEAT Captain Retro this season was a STUPID idea! I should have known that someone like HIM would have NEVER let me anywhere NEAR the Final Three!” Captain Retro says: “At least YOU accepted your defeat the FIRST time! Angelica had to be eliminated THREE times before she FINALLY got the message!!!!” And Angelica's face just glows red with anger! Wally says: “Well, I guess the important thing, is that you're here NOW, and you can FACE the consequences of your actions this season! It's the only way you'll understand that what you DID this season was WRONG! No further questions!”

Darwin says: “It WOULD be Rocko's turn to ask you a question next, but because both he AND Dudley are back on the plane with their partner's, we'll let that honor fall to the very FIRST major contestant who was BETRAYED by Bulma! None other than Verminious J. Snaptrap!” And Snaptrap flies in on a jet-pack, and lands in the middle of the stage! Snaptrap looks, and SEES Angelica all wrapped in bandages! Snaptrap says: “Angie! What happened to YOU, baby?!” Taotie says: “Heart happened to her, because she wouldn't keep her snide comments to herself!” Snaptrap groans, and says: “Angelica! How do you EVER expect bad stuff to STOP happening to you?! Don't act RUDE and disrespectful! That's just BEGGING for bad things to happen to you!” Blonda smirks, and she says: “SEE, Angelica?! Even your RAT of a BOYFRIEND knows better than to tempt fate!” And Angelica just GLARES at Blonda angrily! Snaptrap sighs and says: “She is SO stubborn, but I love her anyways; even if for no other reason that I KNOW that I will never be able to be with anyone hotter than her, because which other girl would be DESPERATE enough to want ME?!” Bulma says: “It's like my mother always used to tell me; 'Desperate guys DESERVE desperate girls'!” Snaptrap seriously says: “I wasn't DESPERATE!!!! Well...maybe a LITTLE, but that's NOT the point! The point I have to ask you, is WHY did you STEAL my microchip from me, and use it on Reggie?!” Bulma says: “Simple! I studied the potential of all the contestants VERY carefully, in order to figure out which one of them had the BEST chance of actually WINNING this whole competition, unless I HAPPENED to do something about it! The person I decided, who HAD to go FIRST, was REGGIE!!!!” Otto asks: “Why her?! Weren't there plenty of OTHER contestants who were more athletic and smarter than SHE was?!” Bulma says: “If you're talking about yourself and Tigress, that might be so, as far as athletics go, but the physical part of this game was only HALF the battle! You needed to be mentally fit as well!” Keswick says: “I figured that's why you had Snaptrap target Jimmy Neutron so early, but why didn't you target ME sooner?!” Bulma says: “Because you weren't a THREAT to me, yet! Out of all the contestants who had the potential to perfectly balance a physical game, along with a mental one, I figured Reggie Rocket had the best chance of doing that! She could be physical when she NEEDED to be, but she could ALSO play it smart when she NEEDED to, by saving her energy for future challenges when she REALLY needed to use them! Plus, there was one part of the game she could play, which I KNEW that I could never beat her at!” Harvey asks: “And what part of the game is that?”

Bulma says: “The SOCIAL part of the game! Reggie was physical, mental, and VERY social! From her past two seasons on the show, she had gathered a very GOOD group of friends, in spite of the setbacks she suffered, and the mistakes she made! Ren Hoek, Daggett and Norbert, Patrick, Bunny, Treeflower, Jimmy Neutron, Suzie Carmichael, Patty Mayonnaise, the hard to obtain Angelica Pickles friendship, Rocko for OBVIOUS reasons, Spongebob, Lil Deville, Otto for OBVIOUS reasons, Sandy Cheeks, Stimpy, Judy Funny, Haggis McHaggis, Pearl, Marlene, Larry, Dog, Twister for OBVIOUS reasons, Dib Bitters, Craig Slithers, Stanley Squarepants, Super Chum, Invader Zim, Sanjay Patel, Globitha and Robot, Phoebe, Tigress, Randolph, Po, Wally, and Captain Retro! That's 37 friends! There was no possible WAY I could beat THAT if the choice for the ultimate winner came down to a vote-off! So, I HAD to steal Snaptrap's micro-chip! It was the only way I could ALTER Reggie's performance to be...less than stellar! By manipulating her emotions, it would make her think LESS clearly than usual, make her ANGRIER a lot easier, throw her OFF her A game, and get her eliminated a whole lot SOONER!!!! It was the PERFECT plan!!!!...Until Captain 'Butt-in-ski' had to RUIN it by FINDING Snaptrap's micro-chip! It was a good thing I thought ahead just in case, by making SURE that I wore gloves, so that no one would EVER suspect that I stole Snaptrap's micro-chip! So, in case the micro-chip was found, all the blame for Reggie's behavior would be pointed to HIM!!!!” Snaptrap asks: “But WHY did you let me take the fall?!” Bulma says: “You were already a liability for rigging Jimmy Neutron out of the game! You were EXPENDABLE by that point!”

Snaptrap says: “You NEVER gave me a CHANCE!!!!” Bulma asks: “To do what?! To horrendously FAIL at being EVIL in THIS game like you have ALWAYS been at trying to stop DUDLEY and his friends from stopping your acts of PETTY evil in Petropolis?! Fat CHANCE!!!!” Snaptrap says: “You might know a lot of things, but you REALLY stink when it comes to being friendly and sociable with others! At least I have three friends who follow me, and a girl who LIKES me despite the fact that I'm a rat! No further questions!” Eliza says: “Last, but certainly not LEAST to ask you a question; it is Zarbon, who stayed by your side longer than anyone else, and yet; STILL was betrayed in the end, by YOU! Zarbon, what would you like to ask Bulma the most?” Zarbon says: “I have plenty of things that I would like to ask! First off, how could you USE me the way you did?! Asking me to do SO many nasty things for you this season was ONE thing; but when YOU decide that you didn't WANT me in the competition any longer, YOU go to Captain Retro to BEG for his help, by accusing ME of ABUSING you?! How SICK were you when you DID that to me?!” Bulma asks: “How ELSE was I supposed to CONVINCE Captain Retro to get RID of you?! If any of us just TRIED to 'just' vote you off, you would've gone all ballistic and KILLED everybody, because you were SO thoroughly convinced that you were TOO perfect to be voted off! Having Captain Retro cripple you was the ONLY way to make SURE the rest of us would be safe from your wrath! However, I had no way of KNOWING that Captain Retro had no INTENTION of ACTUALLY fighting you, and let Chameleon do it FOR him! I admit, it WAS pretty smart that Chameleon didn't SPAM his usage of his Transformation Suit before that challenge, I FORGOT about that aspect, and didn't take that into my account of my plan!” Zarbon says: “It HURT me so MUCH when you DUMPED me in that Egypt challenge! Not just physically, but emotionally as well! I know that when it comes to people who look like ME may appear to have EVERYTHING, and would not CARE what others say about him; but I have actual feelings, and you HURT them!!!!” Bulma looks remorseful, and she says: “I honestly didn't THINK that what you said about your girlfriend was TRUE! I thought you made her up!” Zarbon asks: “Why would you THINK that?!” Bulma says: “I thought you were LYING!!!! I thought EVERYONE was lying to me, because who would be HONEST in a competition of this nature?!” Captain Retro says: “Spoiler alert; which I shouldn't HAVE to say, because it's not REALLY a spoiler, but MOST of us weren't IN this competition to LIE and USE others just because we COULD, we were here to have FUN and make friends, something YOU seemed to know and/or cared NOTHING about, BULMA!!!!”

Bulma looks remorseful again, and she says: “What do you want me to say?! Look, I admit that I was callous and cruel, I admit that I made moves that I shouldn't have made! And Zarbon, I know I could have been more sensitive to YOUR needs, especially when you were HEALING from the times you got punched in the face! So...(mutters)...I'm sorry.” Captain Retro says: “I don't think the contestants heard you all the way in the BACK!” Annoyed, Bulma says slightly louder: “I'm sorry!” Zarbon asks: “Pardon?” Captain Retro puts his LEFT foot on Bulma's right foot, and she sincerely yells: “I'm SORRY! I'm SORRY!!!!” And EVERYONE in the theater claps! Zarbon says: “That's all I WANTED to hear from you! No futher questions.” Darwin says: “Bulma, do you have anything to say in YOUR defense?” Bulma says: “Only that when you play around with the emotions of others, and emotionally hurt them without ANY regard to how THEY feel about what you've done, don't be surprised if someday, all the things you thoughtlessly said to them comes back to HAUNT you, in the most ironic way possible!” Eliza asks: “So, WHY did you do all the things you did this season?!” And Captain Retro unexpectedly gets up and backs slowly away from Bulma! Bulma just looks dumb-founded, and she honestly says: “I don't know?” (SPLAT!!!!) And a bunch of green SLIME is poured down onto Bulma Briefs as the classic “You Can't Do That On Television” theme plays in the background, and everyone in the studio laughs! Darwin says: “My gosh, that felt good!” Bulma sighs, and she honestly says: “Okay, I probably DESERVED that much!”

Eliza says: “Okay, Bulma, you've suffered enough. We'll get you and this stage cleaned up while we play the next song on our countdown! It comes from the episode where Zarbon was eliminated, in the Egypt challenge! We hope you enjoy listening to it, as much as Suzie Carmichael did singing it!” /

2. Genre: Dance pop. Sub-genre: Bananarama. Song: “I Heard a Rumor.” Sung by: Suzie Carmichael! / Suzie: “Who needs friends who never show? I'll tell you what you want to know. I could have saved a broken heart if I'd found out long ago. I'm just thinking about those lonely nights. Thinking about when I waited, when I waited for your call. Then I found out all my friends were right. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh; I didn't know you at all! I heard a rumor! Ooh, I heard a rumor. They say you got a broken heart! I heard it, I heard a rumor! Yes I did, boy, ooh, ooh, ooh! Now it seems they're telling me, you've changed your wicked ways. But should I give you a second chance? Baby, I'm too afraid! So you realize what hurt you made, and the love you threw away. How can I forgive or soon forget? Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, it's never going to be the same! I heard a rumor! Ooh, ooh, I heard a rumor. They say you got a broken heart! I heard it, I heard a rumor! Yes I did, boy ooh, ooh, ooh! I heard a rumor! Ooh, ooh, I heard a rumor. They say you got a broken heart! I heard it, I heard a rumor! Yes I did, boy ooh, ooh, ooh! WOOO!!!! (Instrumental solo) I'm just thinking about those lonely nights. Thinking about when I waited, when I waited for your call. Then I found out all my friends were right. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh; I didn't know you at all! I heard a rumor! Ooh, ooh, I heard a rumor. They say you got a broken heart! I heard it, I heard a rumor! Yes I did, boy ooh, ooh, ooh! I heard a rumor! Ooh, ooh, I heard a rumor. They say you got a broken heart! I heard it, I heard a rumor! Yes I did, boy ooh, ooh, ooh! I heard a rumor! Ooh, ooh, I heard a rumor. They say you got a broken heart! I heard it, I heard a rumor! Yes I did, boy ooh, ooh, ooh!” / The audience applauds loudly, and Bulma is now sitting next to Lil Deville and Phoebe, because they are the ONLY contestants who will let Bulma SIT next to them! Bulma says: “Boy! I'm sure GLAD I never tried to blindside either of you!” Darwin says: “It's time for our last interview for this season! The caped, masked canine who helped make many of our musical moments on this season, give it up for Captain Retro!” And Captain Retro and Katie walk back on-stage to thunderous applause! Eliza says: “Captain Retro, this season has seen a lot of ups and downs this season!” Captain Retro says: “True, but I'd like to think that the highs in this season, FAR outnumber the lows we might have seen! I know that some of the things that some of the people might not have liked about this season, were partially my doing. Some intention, but many of them NOT intention at all! Part of my reason for entering this season was to promote myself, but I genuinely wanted to help this season out, and make it as dynamic and as interesting as I possibly could! And I must admit, I learned a lot about myself, and others this season, that I never thought I would learn!”

Darwin asks: “So why not try to stay in the competition until the very end?” Captain Retro says: “I found something a lot better than money. I found real, true love, with someone who loves me just for being me. Not because I have all my superhero abilities, but because I'm a genuinely nice, kind, caring person, who likes someone who has similar likes, interests, and musical tastes that I do. Isn't that right, Katie?” Katie says: “Well, we DO have plenty of common! And in our case, that's the way WE like it!” Eliza asks: “Captain Retro, now that you're out of the competition; who are you rooting for to win among the final five?” Captain Retro says: “It's got to be either Suzie or Reggie; they're the only two members of Team Retro left in the competition.” Darwin says: “Thank you for your time. Please take a seat wherever you'd like.” And Captain Retro and Katie take a seat between Stimpy and Dog. Stimpy says: “Thanks again for letting me be in an alliance with you!” Captain Retro says: “Anything for a good friend of mine!” Eliza says: “Before we play our final song of this episode, we'd like you to show by a show of flags, who are you rooting for to win this season?! And Lil, you CAN'T choose 'Mad Dog Hoek'!”

Snaptrap, Invader Zim, Keswick, Kaput, Oonski, Blonda, Taotie, and Bulma all hold up Chameleon's flag; Haggis, Dib Bitters, Sway-Sway, Harvey Beaks, Guano, King Julien, Buhdeuce, Monster, Randolph, Gonard and Zarbon all hold up Skipper's flag; Stanley, Heffer, Spongebob, and Larry hold up Patrick's flag; Lil Deville, Judy Funny, Globitha, Robot, and Phoebe hold up Suzie's flag; and Twister, Angelica Pickles, Treeflower, Craig Slithers, Otto Rocket, Sanjay, Tigress, Daggett, Norbert, Po, Dog, Stimpy, Wally, and Captain Retro all hold up Reggie's flag! Darwin says: “So eight former contestants want Chameleon to win; eleven former contestants want Skipper to win; four former contestants want Patrick to win; five former contestants want Suzie to win; and a record fourteen contestants want Reggie to win!” Harvey asks: “What about Katie, Zarasa, and you two?” Eliza says: “Sadly, we're not allowed to vote. But here's the big TWIST for the night!” Sway-Sway asks: “What twist?!” Darwin says: “The flags you picked, must now be FOUND by your selected contestants, in the NEXT challenge! Wanda?!” Wanda says: “You've got it!” And with a wave of her wand, everyone who picked Chameleon, has their flags turn to white, and have their faces put on it! Everyone who picked Skipper, has their flags turn to yellow, and have their faces put on it! The four contestants who picked Patrick, have their flags turn to purple, and have their faces put on it! The five contestants who picked Suzie, have their flags turn to blue, and have their faces put on it! And everyone who picked Reggie, have their flags turn to green, and have their faces put on it! Eliza says: “Wanda, hide the flags!” Wanda says: “Done and DONE!!!!” And Wanda waves her wand, and all the flags disappear! Buhdeuce asks: “What happened to all the flags?!” Darwin says: “Sorry, Sniz's orders for the next challenge! When the Final Five get to their next location, they must locate ALL of their flags in the next challenge, and whoever finishes the challenge LAST is automatically eliminated! So there's absolutely NO pressure for the contestants you picked!” Monster says: “That's gonna be extra tough for Skipper and Reggie, since MORE contestants picked THEM over the others!” Eliza says: “Don't worry about it! If the contestant you picked makes it to the final three, those flags WILL come into play again! How, you might ask? That, we're keeping a secret for when the time comes! For now, it's time for our final song of this episode! The song that come's from the episode where Bulma was eliminated, here is our number one song for this countdown!”

1. Genre: Pop Rock. Sub-genre: Cher. Song: “Just like Jesse James.” Sung by: The current contestants! / The current contestants surround Bulma Briefs, as they are all brandishing a paintball gun. / Captain Retro: “You're strutting into town like you're slinging a gun.” Bulma: “You’re just a small town dude with a big city attitude. Honey, are you looking for some trouble tonight? Well, all right! You think you're so bad, drive the women folk wild. Shoot them all down with the flash of your pearly smile.” Captain Retro: “Honey, but you met your match tonight. Oh, that's right!” Skipper: “You think you'll knock me off my feet until I'm flat on the floor. Until my heart is crying ‘Uncle’ and I'm begging for more!” Suzie: “So come on baby, come on baby; come on baby, show me what that loaded gun is for!” (Shoots Bulma!) Reggie: “If you can give it, I can take it. Cause, if this heart is gonna break it's gonna take a lot to break it!” Bulma: “I know tonight, somebody's gonna win the fight!” Captain Retro: “So if you're so tough, come on and prove it. Your heart is down for the count, and you know you're gonna lose it! Tonight you're gonna go down in flames, just like Jesse James!” (Shoots Bulma!) Chameleon: “You're an outlaw lover and I'm after your hide. Well you ain't so strong, won't be long until your hands are tied!” (Shoots Bulma!) Patrick: “Tonight, I'm gonna take you in dead or alive, that's right! You break the laws of love in the name of desire.” Bulma: “Take ten steps back, because I'm ready, baby!” Captain Retro: “Aim and fire! (Shoots Bulma) Baby, there's nowhere you can run tonight! Ooh, that's right! Well, you've had your way with love, but it's the end of the day. Now, a team of wild horses couldn't drag my heart away! So come on baby, come on, baby; come on baby, you know there ain't nothing left to say. If you can give it, I can take it. Cause, if this heart is gonna break it's gonna take a lot to break it!” Bulma: “I know tonight, somebody's gonna win the fight.” Captain Retro: “So if you're so tough, come on and prove it. Your heart is down for the count, and you know you're gonna lose it. Tonight you're gonna go down in flames, just like Jesse James!” (Shoots Bulma)

[INSTRUMENTAL BREAK] Patrick: “You think you'll knock me off my feet until I'm flat on the floor. Until my heart is crying ‘Uncle’ and I'm begging for more! So come on baby, come on baby; come on baby, come on! If you can give it, I can take it! Cause if this heart is gonna break, it's gonna take a lot to break it!” (Shoots Bulma!) Bulma: “I know tonight, somebody's gonna win the fight!” Captain Retro: “So if you're so tough, come on and prove it. Your heart is down for the count, and you know you're gonna lose it! Tonight you're gonna go down in flames, just like Jesse James! (Shoots Bulma!) Tonight you're gonna go down in flames, just like Jesse James!” All Current Contestants except Bulma: “Tonight you're gonna go down in flames, just like Jesse James!” (They ALL shoot Bulma!) Skipper: “I'm gonna shoot you down Jesse James!” / The audience applauds loudly, and Darwin says: “That's all the time we have today! Stay tuned, because in just four more episodes, everyone all over the world will finally find out, who will wind up as the grand champion, of Total Cartoon Global Cruise!” Captain Retro says: “Enough said, true believers!” /

Episode Notes: No new songs for this episode, but with 20 songs total, this marks the most songs that ANY episode has featured in this season by FAR! It is learned in this episode that Zarbon's girlfriend is REAL, and her name is Zarasa. Angelica is STILL being affected by the Heart curse, as she is once again SEVERELY injured after a song originally performed by Heart, is played in this episode. / Personal Notes: Seeing as this was the last Performance Review of the season, I wanted to make it BIGGER than any other Performance Review I have done so far, and what better way to do that, than with 20 of my personal favorite songs FEATURED from this season?! And believe me, it wasn't easy to boil it down to just 20! As for the support of the Final Five contestants, and what it will mean for them in the next episode challenge? You'll just have to wait and see! That's it for my episode today! 

[Rebel the Wolfgirl]

Heroes and Villains

 

Two hours after the emergence of Alma Wade from the raging inferno, Blackhawk sat in the Command Center, looking at the other Rangers. He was silent, the only sound emanating from him being the quiet noise of a shell casing dancing between his fingers.

 

“So, we failed the entire city.” Toby muttered. “Greeeeat.”

 

“As if they didn't have enough reason to hate the Rangers…” Omnus sighed, his head in his hands. “At least Alma has been quiet since she left the burning facility. She seems to have disappeared.”

 

“What are we going to do?” Naruto asked. “It isn’t like we can just track Alma down and fight her.”

 

Omnus nodded in agreement. “For now, there isn't much we can do. I believe you all wish to address the elephant in the room, yes?” He asked, looking at Blackhawk.

 

“Yeah.” Ebony said. “Just what exactly went on during your years as a gunslinger, Blackhawk?”

 

“Must’ve been exciting, being a Bird With No Name.” Lettuce commented.

 

“Exciting?” Blackhawk whispered. “You think being a gunslinger is exciting? All of my old friends and family are dead, except for my mother and brother.”

 

Lettuce was taken aback, a look of shock and worry in his eyes. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

 

Blackhawk nodded once, the closest he would come to accepting the apology.

 

“My father, and his father, and his father’s father, were all gunslingers. You see, I was not born on Hawkia. I was born on All-World.”

 

“And then at age six, you were somehow taken to the Warp by someone known as the ‘Night Master’.” Alpha continued. “Right?”

 

“Yes and no. I spent several months in the Warp, but returned to All-World after I got out.”

 

A pause. “It was during my time in the Warp when I first encountered the King. I assume, Omnus-sai, you know who I am talking about?”

 

Omnus nodded in response.

 

“The Crimson King…” muttered Alpha.

 

Toby immediately began singing a tune to himself. “The gardener plants an evergreen

Whilst trampling on a flower.

I chase the wind of a prism ship

To taste the sweet and sour.

The pattern juggler lifts his hand;

The orchestra begin;

As slowly turns the grinding wheel

In the court of the crimson king.” He finished, then grinned. “Love that album. It was my dad’s favorite.”

 

Blackhawk turned his eye towards Starhawk, Usagi and Kras'hir. “You three, obviously, know what my mother is like.”

 

“Yep.” Usagi said. “Why do you bring that up?”

 

“Do you know why she is like that?” He asked. The question was rhetorical, but he knew she would answer, anyway.

 

“An abusive childhood?” Usagi answered with a rhetorical question of her own.

 

“I mentioned my father was a gunslinger.” Blackhawk began. “For countless generations, my family inhabited the city of Gilead. A beautiful, wondrous place, Gilead was. Alas, like all great cities, it eventually fell. Destroyed by the forces of the Good Man, John Farson.”

 

Ebony snorted. “He doesn’t sound so good.”

 

“Waitwaitwaitwait, hold up.” said Toby. “If your lineage comes from All-World, then why did your father Ace Little, and then his father, Buck,  end up growing up in the Americana suburb that is Oakey Oaks?”

 

“They did, yar.” Blackhawk replied, nodding. “Eventually, they were drawn back home. Drawn by ka.”

 

Lettuce, like the immature young adult he was, began to snicker. “Ka...sounds like kaka.”

 

Blackhawk didn't even smile. “Their decision to return was what got my father killed.”

 

“Killed? By who?” Starhawk asked.

 

“He died during the Fall of Gilead. The Good Man vaporized the city, killing most of the population instantly. My father wasn't so lucky. He was captured by the Good Man, and burned alive.”

 

Blackhawk said this with absolutely no emotion whatsoever, as if he was discussing the weather.

 

“I am sorry for your loss.” Starhawk said, pulling him into a comforting hug. He hugged her back.

 

“Thankee.” He whispered after pulling away. He then turned back to the others.

 

“You are all my friends, I hope you know that. But those I trained with...well, they are...were...my ka-tet.”

 

“What’s a ka-tet?” Usagi asked. “If you don’t mind me asking.”

 

“Hmmm, how to explain?” Blackhawk said. “Well, ka is fate or destiny. Tet is a group of people with the same interests or goals. Ka-tet, then, roughly translates to ‘those bound together by destiny.’”

 

“What language is that?” Lettuce asked. “It doesn’t sound like anything I’ve heard.”

 

“That's because I am one of the two people alive who can still speak it. It is known as High Speech.”

 

“Who’s the other?”

 

“Roland.” Blackhawk replied. “However, we before discuss him and my other gunslinger friends, I will finish explaining the ka-tet concept. A ka-tet is something that can never be broken, save for by death or treason. And it is not only friends who make up the puzzle that is a ka-tet.”

 

He gestured to Usagi. “You and Queen Beryl would be considered ka-tet.”

 

“Really?” Usagi asked. “Me and...and her? We’re bonded by fate?”

 

“Yar. You cannot tell me this comes as a surprise.”

 

“It doesn’t. But what about us as a team? Are we all part of a ka-tet?”

 

Blackhawk considered it. “I am uncertain. Ka is a murky thing.”

 

Another pause. “We were speaking of my mother before. After my father perished, my mother...well, she kind of lost it.”

 

“As if she wasn’t a bitch before…” Usagi muttered dryly. Blackhawk stood up, walked over to Usagi, and backhanded her without a word. “...I deserved that, didn’t I?”

 

“Yes. By ‘lost it’, I mean she shut down for a few months. She wouldn't talk, barely ate, and barely slept. Even after she came back out of it, she wasn't the same.”

 

“If my psychology is correct-and trust me, I know what I’m saying-then your mother’s just putting up a front. She’s still in denial.” Lettuce elaborated. Having a therapist mother had its perks, Blackhawk would note.

 

“Ah, you're referring to the fact that she never says that he's dead.” Blackhawk replied. “You're right.”

 

“I’m also talking about that haughty ‘I’m a winner’ bullshit.” Lettuce said.

 

“Those trophies are all duds.” Blackhawk said bluntly. “All of them are either for events that never happened or were actually won by me or Coop.”

 

“Ah, I see.” Lettuce said.

 

“After Gilead was destroyed…” Alpha began. “That’s when you started traveling the multiverse, yes?”

 

Blackhawk shook his head. “No. That was after...Jericho Hill.”

 

“What’s Jericho Hill?” Starhawk asked. Blackhawk didn't answer for a moment. He could hear it in his mind. The rhythmic crack of gunfire. Men screaming. Roland bellowing as he lead the final charge against the forces of the Good Man. The enemy marching past him and Roland, the two of them having hidden amongst the dead to survive.

 

“It was the last defiant stand of the gunslingers. A dozen of us in all against two thousand foes.”

 

He remembered his father...oh dear God, his father...the Good Man’s soldiers had been carrying his burnt corpse, tied to a post. Charyou tree...Charyou tree...Charyou tree…, they had chanted, the Good Man, John Farson, laughing madly.

 

He remembered the words of Cort, Don't do anything stupid now, maggot. We can avenge him, but not if you're dead.

 

“When the battle was over, and all of us save for Roland and I were dead, the grounds were littered with bodies. We had made them pay, in blood, for every inch.”Blackhawk said.

 

“Then you two went your separate ways.” Starhawk said. “At least, not immediately, I assume.”

 

“This was nine years after the Fall. Roland was 25. I was six months younger than that. We parted about half a year after Jericho Hill. Both of us had been irreversibly changed by it, and the world had moved on.”

 

“So, wait, you’re not 16?” Toby asked with an extremely weirded out look. “Ewww…”

 

“He is,” Starhawk said. “But by our standards, not human ones. Hawkian years are about 9 of yours.”

 

“...Aliens sure are odd.” Toby muttered.

 

“So, technically, you're fucking someone who isn't even three, if you think about it.” Kras’hir said dryly.

 

“Excuse me, but I need to go bleach my brain.” Toby said, walking into a bathroom and vomiting.

 

Kras’hir snorted, turning to Blackhawk. “So, when you say the world ‘moved on’, what does that mean?”

 

“Technology has broken down. Organized religion has broken down. Once great cities have fallen into ruin. Nations, once mighty and expanding, have been torn apart by war and famine. The last heroes have disappeared. Time no longer runs on a fixed wheel, and reality itself is coming apart. Sometimes, the All-World sun rises in the north and sets in the east.”

 

“So, it’s like the Warp: nothing makes a lick of damned sense.” Lettuce said, as Toby returned.

 

“What I wanna know is what this Crimson King is, and how he’s connected to you.” he said.

 

“The Crimson King, from what I can gather, is linked to the Tower.” Blackhawk replied.

 

“The Tower?” Lettuce, Toby, and Usagi asked. Pinkie said nothing, already knowing of the Tower from Discord.

 

“The Tower is the center of creation. Held up by six Beams, it is connected to every world at once. The Crimson King wishes to destroy it.”

 

Usagi’s eyes widened. “Is there anything we can do?”

 

“The Tower was where Roland was headed. That was why he set off after the Man in Black. I don't know where he is now, or how much of what I know he has learned.”

 

“So, this ‘Night Master’ guy…” Lettuce began. “Is he connected to the Crimson King?”

 

“Yar. I don't know what his goals are, but I know he serves the King. You mentioned, Lettuce, that All-World is just like the Warp. It's not. All-World is worse.”

 

“Worse? What can be worse than the Warp?” the penguin asked.

 

“You see, long, long ago, the Great Old Ones ruled All-World. They weren't alien gods. They were men. They grew proud and mighty, replacing the magical Beams of the Tower with their own technology. Eventually, they fell, and fell hard, their civilization tearing itself apart in a cataclysmic war. Also known as The Old War, The Great Fire, or The Great Poisoning, it was a combination of biochemical, nuclear, and biological disasters that left the air, water, and soil toxic and led to widespread mutations of both animals, such as horses and wolves, as well as humans. They left their technology behind, much of which has still lasted to this day, even though the knowledge of it has been lost to time.”

 

“How the hell were you able to live in that place?!” Lettuce asked.

 

“My guns, wits, and training kept me alive. My martial arts didn't do me much good.” Blackhawk said, chuckling.

 

“...Are you gonna tell us what life was like for you?” Pinkie guessed.

 

“Let me tell you, first, about old Cort. You see, when a gunslinger wishes to earn their guns, they must challenge their mentor to a duel, using whatever weapon they wish to do so. I took on Cort with my martial arts.” Blackhawk replied.

 

“Blackhawk says he was ‘barely hitting puberty’ when he did.” Ebony said. “At least, in terms of his years.”

 

“The first punch, Cort caught. He snapped my wrist with one motion.” Blackhawk said. Everyone gave a wince.

 

“T-then what?” Pinkie asked. “Did he hurt you more?”

 

“He left me with three broken toes, four broken fingers, a snapped wrist, a dislocated shoulder, and a concussion, along with an artist’s gallery of cuts and bruises.”

 

“And then he ‘sent you west’.” Ebony finished. “Exiled to the wastelands outside Gilead.”

 

“Yar. I stole a pair of pistols before I left. I decided to learn the way of the gun on my own. It...didn't turn out like I thought it would, but Cort did end up training me.”

 

“Which brings us to today’s story.” Ebony said like a female Rod Serling.

 

Blackhawk leaned back in his chair. “Hmmm...there is one story I could tell. A story of myself and my ka-tet, after I learned the way of the gun. You see, we, myself, Roland, Cuthbert and Alain, were all fairly skilled gunslingers by that point. On this particular day, a hot, arid day, the four of us set out into the desert. We had heard from a traveling merchant about a band of mercenaries flying a peculiar sigil, raping, burning and pillaging as they traveled. This day would be the first encounter of many with the forces of the Good Man. It began, like many days did, with the march…”

 

-------

12 years earlier…

-------

 

Roland slowly marched through the desert outside of Gilead, his face covered by the brownish cowboy hat atop his head. He was Caucasian, a male of indeterminate age, with pale blue gunslinger eyes and a face that looked like something out of a Sergio Leone spaghetti western. He wore typical wear for his place in society: white shirt overlaid with a brown longcoat, and rugged jeans stuffed into large boots. Around his belt were the twin sandalwood guns, emblazoned with the rose crest of his lineage, that of Arthur-Eld. Following him were the others of his tet: Cuthbert Allgood, Alain Johns, and Blackhawk Little. The lineage of Little were unusual in terms of Gilead’s inhabitants, as they were not human at all. In fact, no one could say just what they were, exactly, nor where they came from. All that was known was that they had lived in Gilead for many generations. Their tet of four had formed four years earlier, when they were boys in training, under the old gunslinger Cort. He had been a harsh, often sadistic mentor, but he had done his job well, and molded the four of them into skilled masters of the way of the gun. Despite the fact that none of them were older than sixteen, they all looked to be twice that age, due to growing up in the Hell that was All-World.

 

“How much farther is this town we're headed to?” Blackhawk asked, taking a long drag from his hand-rolled cigarette, or poke.

 

“Several more wheels.” Roland said. Wheels were about half a mile, or 1.5. Cuthbert, a dark-eyed and black-haired young man, chewed on some jerky. Alain drank from his waterskin.

 

“The sooner we get to Hambry, the sooner we can grab a few drinks in the watering hole and sing ‘na, na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na-naaaa, hey Jude…” Cuthbert said through a mouthful of jerky.

 

Roland snorted. “Typical Bert...always wanting to put fun and jokes before his duties. I swear, Blackhawk can be more relatable at times.”

 

“Hey, Cuthbert?” Blackhawk asked. “How long’s it been since you threw that little jilly of yours a fuck, eh? The one that girl you're courtin’ doesn't know about?”

 

Cuthbert snorted. “Says the one who isn’t courting any women.”

 

“And what, exactly, is that supposed to mean?” Blackhawk replied, raising a brow.

 

“I’m saying you need to get laid, bird boy.” Alain did a spit take, as if on reflex. Blackhawk, who was in front of him, promptly got soaked across the back.

 

“Thankee, Alain.” He said dryly.

 

“Apologies, Blackhawk-sai.” Alain said sheepishly. “What Bert said caught me off-guard.”

 

“I don't see you telling Roland that.” Blackhawk said to Cuthbert. “He isn't exactly drowning in the affections of ladies, either....actually, I take that back. There aren't many Gilead girls who don't want to take him to bed.”

 

“That is true.” Roland said. “But I feel no affection for them. I want to find a woman who truly loves me.”

 

Blackhawk patted him on the shoulder. “You're into men, aren't you? That's okay. I won't condemn ya for that.”

 

Roland glared at him. “Very funny.” From the tone of his voice, he was not amused. Blackhawk stepped away, raising his hands defensively.

 

“I cry your pardon, Roland. I was merely making a joke.”

 

Roland gave a nod. “Let us move on from that. We’re close to Hambry.” Cuthbert gave a sigh of relief, as did Alain. The road into town was mostly empty, save for a few merchants riding horse-drawn carts. The band of gunslingers drew a few weary gazes, but little more. The four of them, sent by Roland’s father to investigate the band of mercenaries known as the Big Coffin Hunters, who were rumored to have ties to a person known only as the Good Man, started their time in town by heading to the local tavern. They could hear the familiar chorus of Hey Jude being played on a piano, Roland slowly stepping in, followed by the rest of the tet. Typical Mejis cantina, with drunkards playing cards or trying to flirt with the girls who danced for them. One in particular caught Blackhawk’s eye: she was dressed in red, with skin the hue of bronze and dark locks that brought out her emerald eyes. Another, meanwhile, caught Roland’s: A girl around his height, with fair skin and blonde hair, wearing white. She was drinking at the bar, a glass cradled in her right hand. Roland sat next to her, ordering three burgers and a beer. The darker-skinned girl smiled at Blackhawk, while Cuthbert and Alain sat at further corners, the former requesting Hey Jude to be played once more.

 

Blackhawk, returning the girl’s smile, beckoned her over. “Hello, handsome.” she greeted. “What an unusual sight I behold. A taheen gunslinger.”

 

Roland, meanwhile, chewed on his burgers, taking a swig of beer every now and then. The girl in white sipped her drink, not saying anything. “I am Roland, son of Stephen. Who are you?” the gunslinger asked, trying to make conversation. By God, she was beautiful.

 

“I am Susan. Long days and pleasant nights.”

 

“And may you have twice the number.” Roland replied. “Who is that girl talking to my friend Blackhawk, son of Ace?” Maybe she was a close friend of Susan’s. It wouldn’t hurt to ask.

 

“One of the dancers. I don't know their names.” Susan replied. “They don't come over to me, after all.”

 

“And why not? You’re certainly attractive enough.” Roland was not exactly known for being subtle. “Do their barn doors not swing that way?”

 

“Alas, they do not. Do yours, fair stranger?” Susan asked, her tone flirtatious.

 

Roland was also not known to understand figures of speech. “No, I do not enjoy the company of men, if that’s what you wonder.”

 

“I meant, are you attracted to ladies?” Susan asked.

 

“I cry your pardon, fair lady Susan. I am attracted to ladies, and dare I say, I am attracted to thee.” Roland answered. The dancer girl, meanwhile, had begun to make small talk with Blackhawk. She had told him her name was Margarita, and that her father was the cantina’s owner. He ran it with his brothers Carl and Dennis, their cousin Michael, and their friend Al. Blackhawk had nodded when she finished, quite enjoying the special dance he was receiving. He made a mental note to pay her well when she was done. She was attracted to him, and did not waste time in subtlety. When she was done, Margarita grinned smugly.

 

“Pay my fee.” she said in a mock-intimidating tone.

 

“Oh, by the Man Jesus, what is a poor, helpless gunslinger like me to do in response to such demands?” He responded, before flicking a gold coin her way. It was one of the gold coins of Gilead, and was an extremely rare sight outside of the city. It was worth far, far more than what Margarita was paid by the day.

 

She stared wide-eyed, then whispered, “This will pay for quite a few things. Papa teaches music lessons, Tio Carl’s pokes, Tio Dennis’ drinks…”

 

“I am glad I could be of help to thee.” Blackhawk said.

 

“Long days and pleasant nights to you, Blackhawk-sai.”

 

“And may you have twice the number.” He replied, staring at her as she walked away.

 

------

 

“And just like that, I was in love.” Blackhawk said to the others. “It was that quick.”

 

Toby and Ebony stared at him. “So, you were in love before us?” the former asked. “I’m not surprised at all, or disappointed, really. Just a bit off-put.”

 

Blackhawk smiled sadly. “She was my first, and, if I'm honest with myself, only true love.”

 

“I understand completely.” Toby said. “There’ll always be that one love that got away.”

 

“Oh, she didn't get away. She died.” Blackhawk responded, chuckling bitterly. “I guess we, like Roland and his lady love Susan, were too happy for it to last…”

 

----

 

Roland had shared the last two burgers he had with Susan, Blackhawk having ordered a platter of popkins for himself. “He tends to eat a lot, and not gain an ounce.” Roland observed.

 

Susan snorted, finishing her drink and ordering another. “So, what brings a band of gunslingers to this little town?”

 

“We’re here on my father’s orders. Sightings of a band of mercenaries associated with the Good Man Farson.” Roland said, ordering three more burgers and another beer. If Susan was ordering another drink, why shouldn’t he do the same with his previous order?

 

“Associated with the Good Man, you said? Ah, you must be after the Big Coffin Hunters.”

 

“Yes, them. Who are they, and what is known?”

 

As Susan replied, her voice dipped down into a whisper. “They came to town several months ago. They are supposed to enforce our laws. Instead, they intimidate and attack anyone they please, either robbing them blind, killing them in their beds...or both.”

 

“Bastards. I and my ka-tet will track them down and they will pay for their crimes.” Roland promised. “I swear on the face of my father and in your name, lady Susan.” Another song by the piano player began, this one similar to yet different from Hey Jude:

 

“Hey Jude

 

Come on, Joe

 

Don't make that sad song

 

Any sadder than it already is

 

Hey Jack

 

Get back

 

Get yourself together

 

Come on, come on

 

I know you're thinking of your nervous love

I know exactly what you're thinking of

 

Hey Cid

 

No matter what you did

 

It can work out

 

Work out

 

No matter how you feel right now

 

Hey George

 

Do your chores

 

Don't feel sore

 

I know it's a lot more than just being bored

 

There's a heaven and there's a star for you

 

There's a heaven and there's a star for you

 

There's a heaven and there's a star for you…”

 

Another song from before the world moved on, Roland observed. To him, it sounded rather childish, yet sad...but also hopeful. Like the one who had played it God-knew-how-many-years ago was trying to fling a light of hope to those who would come after he had passed on. Susan hummed along to the tune. “You know this song, Susan?” Roland asked. “I have never heard it, even in Gilead. And there are hundreds, if not thousands of old songs and rhymes I have heard there.”

 

“I do, indeed. My father used to sing it to me sometimes.” She replied.

 

“But what does it mean?” Roland asked. “...No matter, it is a song. I should not have to ‘overthink’ things, as Cuthbert often tells me I do.”

 

“Sometimes, putting a lot of thought into the matter at hand is wise.” Susan said to reassure him. “Other times, you simply need to go with your gut.”

 

“Like Blackhawk often does.” Roland snarked, looking at the gunslinger in question. He was chatting idly with the dark-skinned dancer Roland had yet to learn the name of. Susan snorted again.

 

“There is a difference between going with your gut and being impulsive. I hope your friend is aware of that difference.”

 

“Blackhawk is quick with his mind just as he is with his gun, yes.” Roland said.

 

“Which gun, if I may ask?” Susan asked. Unfortunately, the innuendo went straight over Roland’s head.

 

“Both of them.” Roland said bluntly. Or maybe it didn't, Susan thought, laughing. Roland cracked a smile, before embracing Susan. She pulled him close, before gently kissing him. Roland kissed her back, before pulling away. She smirked at him. “Are you pondering what I’m pondering?” Roland questioned.

 

“Are you planning on taking me to bed, handsome gunslinger?”

 

“Yes.” he replied, smirking.

 

“Then, by all means, let us go find a place that's warm and quiet to spend the night.” Susan responded. Roland inquired to the bartender if there was any rooms available. Carl nodded, before lighting a poke. The two of them rented a room for the night, and went to it together.

 

----

 

“OH, COME ON!” Ebony complained. “YOU’RE GONNA SKIP THE BEST PART?!” Toby snorted.

 

“Typical Ebony.”

 

“I actually know the song you described, Blackhawk.” Lettuce said. “Hey Joe by Daniel Johnston.”

 

“Who the fuck is Daniel Johnston?” Ebony asked.

 

“A singer-songwriter Kira introduced me to. Lo-fi Beatles-inspired indie pop. Firehawk would like him.” Lettuce said. “Anyway, I bring him up because you never told us how similar All-World was to Earth. Not Core Earth. Just Earth in general.”

 

“It is very much the same, though also different. The Old Ones built a mighty empire ages ago...called the Imperium.”

 

“Wait.” said Usagi. “Did you just say…?”

 

“I think he did.” said Pinkie.

 

“Not that Imperium.” Blackhawk said. “The Old Ones didn't expand nearly as far, and never encountered any alien species.”

 

“Their Imperium was more like, say, a worldwide United States.” Alpha said. “Similar culture, companies…”

 

“...but they grew proud, and the Great Cataclysm destroyed them.” Omnus finished. “And All-World moved on.”

 

Blackhawk nodded. “As for why I skipped the ‘best part’, Ebony...it would be disrespectful to the memory of the girl Susan, who burned in a Charyou Tree while Roland could do naught but watch.”

 

“Continue.” said Alpha.

 

-----

 

The next day, the ka-tet began the investigation into the Big Coffin Hunters. Before that, however, Susan and Roland awoke in a warm bed together, holding each other close. Roland kissed her gently. “Good morning, Susan.”

 

“Good morning, Roland. Thought last night was better.” She said, grinning a bit.

 

“Agreed. You are a fantastic lover.”

 

“Good.” Susan replied. “I am glad.”

 

“I am as well.” Roland said. “Shall we get dressed and begin the day?”

 

Susan nodded, rising and gathering her clothes. Roland silently redressed, rearmed himself, and exited. The others in his ka-tet met him outside. Cuthbert winked at him, and slapped him on the back. Alain said nothing, being his usual quiet self. Blackhawk smirked.

 

“My, my, Susan is a bit of a screamer, isn't she?”

 

“Yes, she is. I cannot say the same for Margarita.” Roland replied.

 

“Oh, she didn't need to scream for me to know I was pleasuring her.”

 

After Roland and Susan had left, Blackhawk had invited Margarita to have a few drinks with him. After that, one thing led to another, and they ended up in bed together. When they were finished, she held him close, snuggling into his feathers. He had kept her quite warm as she slept, she told him when they awoke. This pleased him greatly to hear. “Always stay with me.” she had whispered.

 

“I will. Always.” He had whispered back to her. These words would haunt him for years after their tragic tale reached its end.

 

“I love you.”

 

“And I, you. Until the end.”

 

She had kissed him before falling back asleep. When she awoke, he had left.

 

Once the idle small talk about the previous night ceased, the four gunslingers began their search.

 

“Where to, Ro?” Cuthbert asked.

 

“Let’s check the Sheriff's office first.” Alain suggested. Roland nodded.

 

“Yes. That would be the logical thing to do.” he said. “Avery might give us a lead.” And so, they headed to the Sheriff’s office. Upon entering, Blackhawk could almostsmell how corrupt the place was. Sheriff Avery immediately struck him as an untrustworthy man. Roland had that same intuition, and asked forwardly, “Do you know anything about the Big Coffin Hunters?”

 

In hindsight, the question was foolish, and would ultimately lead, in part, to the deaths of Susan and Margarita. Still, Roland had few options. Avery stroked his chin.

 

“No, I cannot say I do.” He replied.

 

“Do not lie.” Roland stated.

 

“I won't be taken for a liar, boy.” Avery said. “I answered your question.”

 

They left not long after. It was about twenty minutes later when Blackhawk realized they were being followed. Roland turned around. “Who goes there?”

 

Four men stood not far from them. They were all dressed in black and grey clothing, wearing hats, coats and tall boots.

 

“If you are wise, you'll be out of town by the time the sun sets.” one of the men said. “Sheriff Avery doesn't like boys like you asking questions, and he has powerful friends.”

 

“Oh?” Cuthbert challenged. “What sorts of friends?”

 

“Cuthbert, don’t…” Alain pleaded.

 

“Cuthbert, do not challenge these men. As for you four, we will not leave until we finish business.” Roland said. Blackhawk saw one of the men moving his hand. Blackhawk was faster. A shot cracked, and a bullet tore through the man’s throat, his gun, half-drawn, clattering to the ground as he fell, clutching the bleeding wound.

 

“Let that be a lesson to you, sai. No one interferes in gunslinger business. No. One.” He growled out, holstering his gun. The other men ran.

 

“It seems there’s more to this town than meets the eye.” Roland observed. Blackhawk nodded in agreement.

 

“Where should we head next?” Cuthbert asked. “Obviously, we’ll need to dig deeper.”

 

“I’m not sure.” said Alain. “Ro? Black? Any ideas?”

 

Blackhawk stroked his chin. “I think we should ask Susan what she knows. I think there is more to her…”

 

----

 

“...than we are aware of.’” Blackhawk finished, recounting what he had said at the time. “And by the holy Man Jesus, was I right about that.”

 

“Man Jesus…” said Ebony. “As in Jesus Christ? He has another name in All-World?”

 

“Yar.” Blackhawk replied, nodding. “As for Cuthbert challenging those men, he would have ignored Roland’s command if it came to it. He made his own decisions, always, and listened to few who commanded him. After all, a man chooses, a slave obeys…”

 

-----

 

The four headed back into the cantina, Margarita waving at Blackhawk flirtatiously. Susan was gone. Blackhawk asked the bartender where she was. The man ignored him, his only response to spit in Blackhawk’s face. The gunslinger wiped the saliva off his cheek, before smiling dangerously.

“Let's try that again, sai.” he said calmly, before grabbing the man’s arm and twisting hard enough to cause extreme pain. “Where. Is. Susan. Delgado?”

 

“I...I don’t know.”

 

“Don’t know,” growled Cuthbert, the humor gone from his eyes. “Or won’t tell?”

 

Blackhawk grabbed the hand of the arm he had been twisting. He broke the thumb with a casual twist.

 

“One down, nine to go, friend.” He said pleasantly.

 

“Where is Susan?” Roland asked the bartender. “Do not lie.”

 

“SHE WENT TO SEE THAT DAMNED WITCH!” The man shouted, his tone one of pain and terror.

 

“A witch?” Cuthbert said. “What is her name?”

 

“Rhea…” the man whispered. “Her name is Rhea…”

 

That was when Margarita came forward. “I know of her. Allow me to guide you to where she dwells, if it do ya fine. It’s the least I can do.”

 

“We would appreciate it immensely.” Alain said. “Thankee-sai.”

 

----

 

Blackhawk paused in his telling, staring at his hands for a moment. “I wish now we had declined her offer.”

 

Toby hugged him, as did Ebony. “...We’re so sorry…” the latter whispered. “She was only trying to help.”

 

“Help? Yes, she was. Trouble is, helping others on All-World tends to get you killed.” He replied, pulling away from them. “As old Cort aptly put it, ‘If ya stop to help every poor bastard who has lost his dog, the rats’ll be chewing on your bloodied corpse quick as spit, maggot.’”

 

----

 

Rhea lived on the outskirts of Hambry, in a small hut. She was an old woman, even older than Arthur-Eld, with pale skin, grey hair, and dressed in rather ratty pink robes. She sat in her hovel, looking intently at what resembled a pink glass ball, about the size of a grapefruit. It was known as Marelyn’s Grapefruit, and it was one of the thirteen Bends O’ The Rainbow, powerful magical artifacts containing the secrets of the 12 Guardians of the Dark Tower. It was said even the agents of the Crimson King were weary of crossing the Witch of Hambry, for she was older than Him. Far older.

 

Susan sat in a half-rotted armchair facing Rhea. The girl wrung her hands nervously, waiting for the witch to finish whatever she was doing. Rhea stopped looking at the Grapefruit to attend to Susan, though it took all the willpower she had. She was going to check Susan’s ‘honesty’, or, to use a more simple word, her virginity, for Susan was promised to a very powerful man in Hambry. She was to be his gilly.

 

-----

 

“Hold on a minute…” Lettuce interrupted with a...rather disgusted expression. “She was going to check Susan’s virginity? That’s wrong on way too many levels.”

 

“No shit.” Blackhawk said bluntly, rolling and lighting a cigarette. “Susan had no choice in the matter. Her aunt Cordelia made the arrangement.”

 

“If I may ask,” said Naruto. “Was ‘checking for honestly’ a common practice in the baronies?”

 

“Yar.” Blackhawk said flatly. “Not in Gilead, though. Gilead girls were too spirited for that. My mother had someone try it on her at one point. She...didn't react well. And by that I mean she ripped out the throat of the poor woman. With her teeth.”

 

“What’s a gilly?” Ebony asked. Like Blackhawk, she pronounced it with a hard j sound.

 

“A mistress.” He replied simply. “Susan was to be his mistress.”

 

“Even though she was in love with Roland?” Lettuce asked. “I swear, are all your stories about All-World messed up Westerns?”

 

Blackhawk didn't laugh. He didn't even smile. Instead, his left eye twitched.

 

“I'm sorry, Lettuce, that my stories aren't the entertaining adventures you thought they would be. You are hearing about my past. Try living it. Imagine if, say, you discovered Emperor Diabolica was fucking your mother, and beating her while he was at it. Could you live with that? Roland had to. It turned out one of the advisors to his father, Marten Broadcloak, was sleeping with his mother, Gabrielle. Roland swore to kill him, and challenged Cort, at age 14, to the duel that would end his time as a student, so he could get his guns. Imagine, say, if you, after seeing this hypothetical affair going on, you had to challenge Omnus to a duel to earn the weapons you needed to get your revenge. Could you do it? Hmmm? Could you?”

 

Lettuce glared at him; it was the same glare Cuthbert had when he was serious. Ignoring the worry in Pinkie’s eyes to stare down the Hawkian, he answered flatly and gravely: “Yes.”

 

Cort whispered to Blackhawk, Come now, maggot. Let me speak through your tongue, and teach these children something.

 

Blackhawk agreed, and Cort took over. His former mentor looked around through sharp eyes, flexing leaner muscles than he had possessed in life. When he spoke, it was still clearly Blackhawk’s voice, and yet, not. It sounded much older and deeper, with a noticeable rasp.

 

“Greetings to thee, maggots. I am the one who was known in life as Cort.” He said, grinning humorlessly. “Blackhawk here has allowed me to speak through him for a time, so here I am.”

 

“I thought you were dead.” Lettuce said.

 

“Oh, I am. I, or at least, part of me, lives inside Blackhawk’s head. There's a lot of company in here. He is haunted by the ghosts of those who he has lost.” Cort replied, walking around the room. He looked over each of the Rangers with a critical eye, snorting.

 

“You’re not impressed?” Ebony asked. “Granted, we weren’t trained by a hardass like you, so I’m not surprised.”

 

Cort grinned again. “If you were one of my students, girl, I would have made you bleed for that remark. I turned boys into men, not children into soldiers.”

 

“We’re not soldiers. We’re superheroes. There’s a big difference.”

 

“Aye? Care to educate this old gunslinger on what that is?” Cort asked.

 

Ebony morphed into her Ranger suit, and grinned beneath her helmet. “Our job is to protect this city from evil, like you gunslingers had with your baronies. Then again, we have it easier. We just have to fight a weekly monster.”

 

“Ebony, as your boyfriend, take my advice and shut the fuck up. You aren’t helping.” Toby said sharply. He had a gunslinger’s mind, Cort noted. But not a gunslinger’s training. This fact didn't stop Cort from striking him on the ear with a cuffed fist.

 

“Speak when spoken to, maggot.” He snapped. “I'm here to teach you children something, not listen to petty lover’s quarrels.”

 

“Y-yes, sai! I cry your pardon!” Toby responded.

 

“This isn’t gonna be one of the tacky moral lessons we have to deal with, right?” Lettuce muttered under his breath. “Because I enjoy hearing about Blackhawk’s past more.”

 

“You won't understand his story, little bird, unless you understand what being a gunslinger was truly like. You fight evil, you claim? None of you would know what evil truly is even if it came up and bit you on the ass.” Cort said.

 

“I am a soldier, Cort.” Naruto said. “So with all respect to you, I have seen and done things no one my age should. I am a shinobi, my world’s gunslingers.”

 

“You ever seen a city die, boy?” Cort asked. “Ever heard the screams of countless men, women and children as they are burned to ash and scattered to the wind? I have, when the Good Man came for Gilead. Those who burned were lucky. Many who made it out were mounted on spikes and paraded around, unable to die. The Good Man was evil, boy. Evil, sadistic, cruel, and merciless. He would have raped your lover right in front of you, skinned her, and made her body into clothes. And if you were fortunate, he would do it in that order.”

 

Naruto’s face twisted into unbridled rage, and without thinking charged at Cort-in-Blackhawk’s-body. Cort sidestepped casually, letting Naruto charge into the wall like a raging bull.

 

“What is your deal? You consider us pansies or something?” Usagi asked.

 

“Yar.” Cort agreed. “While some of your past deeds are commendable, none of you are ready for what is coming.”

 

“The Necrons? Yes, we aren’t prepared. Radiguet? No, we can handle him.” Usagi said. “He’s an almighty idiot with his ambitions of godhood.”

 

“And what of the Crimson King?” Cort asked her. Immediately, the room felt a bit colder, as if the name had caused a dreadful shroud to settle over it.

 

“How does He factor into this?” Starhawk asked.

 

“Are you prepared to face Him? He will not set foot on this world-It is so far beneath His notice, you all might as well be ants-but He will attempt to destroy the Tower and usher in Discordia.”

 

Several eyes fell on Pinkie, as that name reminded them of Discord, the ‘Spirit of Chaos’ on her world. Cort rolled his eyes.

 

“I can guess what you are thinking, and no, Discordia has nothing to do with any chaos spirit. It is the state of chaos and anarchy all of reality will fall into if the Tower crumbles.”

 

“It is not our duty to protect the Tower.” Starhawk said. “That is Roland’s, or so Blackhawk says.”

 

“But it is.” Alpha said. “The Tower has manifestations on all worlds, but can only be physically entered in All-World.”

 

“If the Tower falls-and the full might of the King and His agents are bent on ensuring it does-all of reality will shudder. Discordia will come, and anarchy will rip every world apart. Rape, murder, cannibalism, human sacrifice, and many worse things will occur on this world and every other. Time and space will shatter into fragments, and the King will rule over a fractured universe, seeking to reforge it as He wishes.” Omnus added.

 

“Is there a manifestation of the Tower here on Core Earth?” Toby asked. “If there is, then we can be trained as gunslingers so that we may protect it.”

 

“No.” Omnus said. “It is the destiny of Roland Deschain to carry out a quest to save the Tower. He is the gunslinger ka has chosen to save it. The King must not take notice of Core Earth, and He will if His agents catch wind of gunslingers being trained here. The manifestation of the Tower resides within the same vault the Emperor, Usagi’s Lord-Father, is seated in. He has kept it safe for a very long time.”

 

“So, to put it bluntly, we can’t do jack shit.” Lettuce said.

 

“For now, that is correct, at least when it comes to the Tower.” Omnus replied. “This is not to say we will be doing nothing to hamper the King, however. His agents here still carry out His will, and must be stopped.”

 

That was when Cort gave control back to Blackhawk, who sat down, feeling a bit drained.

 

“You OK, man?” Toby asked.

 

“I will be.” He said, rolling and lighting another cigarette. “Just...give me a few minutes.”

 

Toby backed away slowly. “Keeping my space.”

 

“Sister?” Firehawk said, turning to Starhawk. “Can we talk for a minute? Alone?”

 

“Of course.”

 

The two of them got up, leaving the room. Firehawk went to a window, opening it, climbing out and flying to the roof. Starhawk followed her, looking out onto the horizon. Fires blazed in the distance, the flames lighting up the sky in shades of red and orange. “It is beautiful, yes?”

 

“Yes.” Firehawk replied. “Of course, the cause of those fires isn't so beautiful, is it?”

 

“Is that why you wish to talk?”

 

“No.” her sister replied. “I wanted to talk about the Tower, and the Crimson King. Or, rather, how I would like to avoid the coming battle against His agents.”

 

“I am listening.” Starhawk said.

 

“I think you and I should be far away from here when the coming war begins.” Firehawk replied. “I know how these sorts of things end, sister dear.”

 

“If it begins. The King isn’t aware of Core Earth, remember? And we intend to keep it that way.”

 

“But His agents are. Some of them are already here, and all of them will do their best to carry out the will of their King. I don't wish for either of us to die, sister, so soon after our marriage.”

 

“Neither do I, dear.” Starhawk whispered. “I love you, and I don’t want to ever leave you.”

 

Firehawk pulled her sister close, kissing her head. Starhawk let out a soft purr, nuzzling into her sister’s chest.

 

“I love you, sister.” Firehawk whispered. “Now, and forever.”

 

“And a day.”

 

Firehawk smiled, kissing Starhawk gently on the mouth. A few minutes later, the two of them returned to the others, holding hands and smiling.

 

“Well, that must’ve been a pleasant talk.” Usagi observed.

 

“It was, indeed.” Firehawk replied. “My, I only sensed a little bit of resentment in your tone. You're making progress, Blondie.”

 

“Don’t call me Blondie.” Usagi insisted.

 

“Yeah.” Lettuce agreed. “She much prefers Debbie Harry.”

 

...SHUT UP, LETTUCE!”

 

“And let us not get into my names for her.” Kras’hir said. “Some of them aren't exactly...kid-friendly, I suppose you could say.”

 

Usagi blushed hard, giving a small ‘ be quiet’ nudge. Kras’hir simply chuckled.

 

“What is it, my dear? Embarrassed?” she asked.

 

“Y-yes!”

 

“I must say, you have the most adorable blush.” Kras’hir replied, continuing to grin.

 

“Stooop! You’re embarrassing me!”

 

Kras’hir knew this was true. She also knew her girlfriend was barely holding back a smile. She could see it. Usagi’s smile turned into a grin as she hugged the Daemoness. Kras’hir chuckled again, nuzzling Usagi.

 

“I am so very lucky to have met you.” She said.

 

“Me too, even if you embarrass me sometimes.”

 

“You cannot say you don't love it.” Kras’hir responded.

 

“I really can’t.”

 

“Good.” Kras’hir said. “Because, like it or not, I will continue to do so, love.”

Usagi giggled, kissing her. Kras’hir returned the kiss, holding Usagi close. Toby coughed awkwardly. “I don’t mean to interrupt, but…”

 

“...Oh, sorry.”

 

“I'm not sorry.” Kras’hir said bluntly. “Piss off, Toby.”

 

“...We have more important things to worry about.” he said just as bluntly.

 

“Like what?” she responded. “The Necrons? The Crimson King? Yeah, all of you seem reeeeeeeeeal worried. Is that why you're all sitting here and listening to Bird Man tell you a story?”

 

“Just because we don’t share your cynicism doesn’t mean we aren’t worried.”

 

“Really?” the Daemoness asked, snorting. “Well, forgive me for being cynical. Optimism has gotten a lot of people I've known killed. Or worse.”

 

“...I’m an optimist.” Usagi whispered.

 

“You won't get killed.” Kras’hir said flatly. “I'll butcher anyone who tries to hurt you.”

 

Usagi nodded, kissing her. Kras’hir returned it, before sitting down, Usagi on her lap. Blackhawk looked at them, before going back to his tale.

 

----

 

Susan sat uncomfortably as the Witch of Hambry gazed at her, nervously wringing her hands and staring at her feet. She knew what Rhea intended to do, and she was scared, as Susan no longer had her ‘honesty.’ Rhea grinned at her, the teeth yellow and crooked. Susan stayed silent, doing her best to avoid eye contact. Rhea began the ritual of ‘checking her honesty’, but then immediately noticed something was off. Very off. Susan lacked a hymen, she realized, and she glared at the girl.

 

“Who?” she whispered. “Who did you give your virginity to, girl?”

 

Susan, terrified, could only whisper, “A gunslinger…”

 

“A gunslinger, hmmm? You do know what must be done now that you have no honesty, yes?”

 

“Charyou Tree...death to you, life to my crop…”

 

“...Charyou Tree.” Rhea repeated. “You will be the sacrifice for the crop, dear Susan.”

 

“...Go to Hell.” Susan whispered. “Go to Hell, you wretched fucking crone.”

 

With that, she kicked a small table in front of her at the witch, who had sat back down. It was a brief distraction, but it worked, giving Susan time to flee. She ran headlong into the ka-tet and Margarita. Literally, it turned out, as she had managed to knock Roland flat on his back. “Hello, Susan.” Margarita greeted, trying to hide her urgency behind a casual tone.

 

“She...she knows. Rhea knows.” Susan muttered. This meant nothing to the gunslingers, but she knew Margarita would understand.

 

The girl’s eyes widened, and she whispered, “We must escape. Before you’re killed.” Her false casualness was dropped entirely, replaced with urgent panic, strengthened further by how hard she was pulling on Susan’s arm.

 

“Would either of you be kind enough to tell us what is going on?” Blackhawk asked, his tone one of confusion. Susan explained the situation as quickly as she could, mentioning every major detail, including the arrangement that had been made regarding herself and the mayor. Roland looked her in the eyes, and whispered three words:

 

“Come with us.”

 

Alain and Cuthbert agreed. They couldn’t let an injustice like this be taken lying down. Susan couldn't help but smile.

 

“I thank thee.” She said to Roland. “Now, we must go.”

 

“Yes, before the witch comes for you.”

 

They all ran away, heading for the Bad Grass outside of town.

 

----

 

“Wait, what's this Bad Grass you mentioned?” Kras’hir asked.

 

“It's a field of tall, poisonous grass stalks, full of winding paths.” Blackhawk replied simply. “A good hiding place, all things considered.”

 

“But then she found you guys, yar?” Toby asked.

 

“No.” Blackhawk replied. “The Big Coffin Hunters did.”

 

----

 

The group of six ran through the maze that was the Bad Grass, looking for a place Susan could hide for the night. Eventually, they came across a house, made of wood, with red doors. Susan hurried inside, before collapsing on a couch in the sitting room, panting. Roland sat next to her, stroking her hair idly. Blackhawk kept watch by one of the windows, guns in hand. Cuthbert and Alain did the same, stationing themselves by two other windows.

 

“I'm going to die…” Susan whispered, her tone one of quiet terror. “I'm going to be burnt as a sacrifice…”

 

“No, you’re not.” Roland whispered gently. “I will see to it, my life be damned.”

 

Susan leaned against him, relaxing a bit. Roland kissed her, holding her close to him. Susan closed her eyes, falling asleep on his arms. She was woken up soon after by voices. There was a rather spirited discussion going on, Susan gathered. She could hear the gunslingers, along with three men whose voices everyone in town knew: The Big Coffin Hunters.

 

“Why are you here?” Roland inquired. “There is nothing of importance that you can seek.”

 

“We're looking for a girl who goes by the name Susan Delgado.” one of the men said. He was tall and white-haired, with a handlebar mustache. He wore a long, black coat and trousers, along with a pair of boots. “Perhaps you boys have seen her?”

 

“No.” Roland said bluntly. The white-haired man narrowed his eyes.

 

“Don't lie to me, boy.” He said. “We know you're hiding her.”

 

“He does not lie.” Blackhawk replied. “We have not seen her.”

 

The man turned towards the two other men with him, nodding once. Immediately, chaos erupted, as the Big Coffin Hunters charged the house, the ka-tet of gunslingers opening fire on them. Susan, knowing that, at the moment, she was unable to fight back, ran to hide, dragging Margarita along with her. Unfortunately, Margarita was caught in the crossfire of bullets. Blackhawk could do nothing but watch as she fell, bleeding, to the floor.

 

“No…” he whispered, hurrying to her side and kneeling. “No, no, no…” She coughed, blood spewing from her throat. Blackhawk, desperate, tried to stop the flow of blood, covering the wound with his hand.

 

“Stay with me…” he said, tears in his eyes. “I can't lose you…please, stay with me...”

 

“Heroes and villains…” she cursed. “Just see what you’ve done…”

 

“Don't go…” he whispered pleadingly, helplessly. She looked so very pale now, the light in her eyes fading. “Don't go where I cannot follow…”

 

“I love you, Blackhawk...I always will. But ka has made its decision.”

 

Blackhawk could only hold her as she died. He listened to her final, shuddering breaths, before one last gasp escaped her, her body going still, her eyes going dark and shutting forever.

 

----

 

Blackhawk went silent, staring at the floor. No one said anything, too shocked to speak up. Even Kras’hir, who was very intimate with death, kept silent. Blackhawk didn't say a word, lighting yet another cigarette with shaky fingers. “I’m sorry for your loss.” Ebony finally said. “I can never replace her.”

 

“You're right.” Blackhawk said flatly. “You can't.”

 

“...Geez, say that even more flatly, why don’t you?”

 

Blackhawk knew she was quite hurt by what he had said. He also knew he couldn't really bring himself to care. “I can try, if you like.” He said dryly, exhaling smoke.

 

“...You’re an asshole sometimes, you know that?”

 

“Yes.” He said, his tone unchanging. “I am aware.” Ebony glared at him, pouting as Toby comforted her.

 

“See? At least Toby pays attention to me.”

 

“Good for him.” Blackhawk spat. It was clear this hostility had been hidden, and building, for a while. “You two want a smoke break? I know how much you both love weed, so I wanted to make sure you can last the rest of my tale without dying from withdrawals.”

 

“Shut the fuck up.” Ebony spat back.

 

“And what if I don't?” He asked. “If you try to lunge at me, I should warn you that I can draw quicker than you'll be able to reach me. I won't shoot you dead, of course. A shoulder wound will hurt like hell, but you'll live.”

 

“This will go no farther.” Omnus said firmly, in a tone that made it clear he wasn't going to debate the subject. “The last thing that is needed at the moment is members of this team being at each other’s throats.”

 

“Yeah, the only thing I want in my throat is Toby’s-” Ebony began before Toby slapped her. “OW!”

 

Blackhawk was silent once again, staring at his hands. “I hope, so sincerely hope, that none of you who are in love have to go through what I did. Cradling the one you love as they die in your arms is unspeakably painful.”

 

Lettuce looked at him. “I hope I don’t.”

 

“It will be worse for the ones who killed her.” Kras’hir said, holding Usagi close. Firehawk nodded in agreement.

 

After another moment, Blackhawk said, “There is one thing I must say: The reason I am aware of Susan’s thoughts and actions that I could not have witnessed or known was quite simple. I will explain that soon. Now, returning to the tale, Margarita’s death wasn't the only terrible thing that occurred. In the chaos, the Big Coffin Hunters had managed to capture Susan, fleeing before anything could be done. Fortunately, we soon learned where they had taken her: The mayor’s residence. So, we split up: Roland and I went to confront the Witch of Hambry, while Cuthbert and Alain went to rescue Susan…”

 

------

 

Susan sat in a small, dark bedroom in the home of Hambry’s mayor. Her wrists were bound tightly with rope, and her face was bruised, as the three men who had taken her were forced to beat Susan into submission as they dragged her along, as the girl had been quite resistant. Now, she was alone, uncertain of what was to come. Thankfully, she wasn't completely defenseless: She had a gun in her dress sleeve, one that had once belonged to her father. The bullets for it were stored in various folds of her outfit, and, fortunately, hadn't been dislodged. Now, all she had to do was try and remove the rope. She did so by carefully pulling at it with her bound hands. Slowly, ever so slowly, the rope began to loosen. Susan was unaware of the two gunslingers coming to save her. As far as she knew, she was on her own, and acted accordingly. When Cuthbert and Alain did arrive, they were greeted by the sight of several dead guards, along with the periodic sounds of gunfire.

 

“...Well.” Cuthbert observed. “Seems we’re late to the party.”

 

“...Shut it, Bert.” Alain muttered. “It’s obvious Susan did not need our help.”

 

She ran into them a few minutes later as she came around a corner in another part of the house. “Oh. Hello, Alain, Cuthbert.”

 

“Hello, Susan-sai.” Alain greeted respectfully. “You would make an excellent gunslinger. That is, if the laws allowed it.”

 

Susan nodded, grinning a bit. “I guess you boys came here to save me, yar?”

 

“Yar.” Cuthbert said, grinning back. “But you don’t need saving now, obviously.”

 

“Obviously not.” She said dryly, before shooting one of the mayor’s guards in the throat as he came around the corner behind her. She did this without turning around.

 

Cuthbert gave an impressed whistle. “...Where did you learn the way of the gun?”

 

“My father.” Susan replied. “He was never a proper gunslinger, but he taught me how to shoot, all the same.”

 

“And you have earned our respect all the same.” Alain said. “We mustn’t dawdle now; we must return to Roland and Blackhawk.”

 

Susan nodded, and they left.

 

-------

 

Blackhawk paused, before snorting. “That old cunt wasn't there when Roland and I went to her hut. We found Maerlyn’s Grapefruit, but not Rhea. The Witch of Hambry wasn't home.”

 

“Please tell me you didn’t take that damned crystal ball.” Alpha pleaded. Blackhawk looked at him.

 

“Roland took it.” He said. “As far as I know, the Grapefruit remains intact, though I have no idea where it is now. After the Fall, well…”

 

“...we can probably guess what happened.” Starhawk said. “Please, Blackhawk, continue.”

 

------

 

Susan, Cuthbert and Alain had made it to the edge of town when they heard it. A low, hysterical cackle, resounding through the air like a deathly omen.

 

“We must tread carefully.” Alain said, arming himself. Cuthbert did the same. “Lest the witch cast a curse over us.”

 

Susan armed herself as well, walking slowly and looking around. “What do you see?” Cuthbert whispered. “Anything important?”

 

Susan looked again. She saw a nearby bush shifting, but it was too late. A bright light flashed, and everything went dark. When Susan woke again, her arms were bound behind her. She was tied to a makeshift stake resembling a tree. A Charyou Tree, she realized with dawning horror. She could see her aunt Cordelia standing at the front of the crowd gathered around her.

 

“People of Hambry!” she proclaimed. “We are gathered here to offer a sacrifice so that our crop may be plentiful once more!”

 

“CHARYOU TREE!” came the response. “DEATH TO YOU, LIFE FOR MY CROP!”

 

Susan looked at the crowd, gazing at each face in turn. She was unafraid, her face completely devoid of terror or despair.

 

“I hope you are content with what you choose to do here, Aunt Cordelia.” Susan said serenely. “My father will not be happy to see you when you finally die.”

 

“Death to you, Susan dear...you should have been more honest for the mayor.” Cordelia said, striking a match and setting the Tree alight. The flames took their time creeping up the wood. Susan remained serene and unafraid, even when she began to burn. The fire slowly began to consume Susan, moving up the Charyou Tree and igniting her dress. She did not scream or cry. Even when her hair burst into flames, turning the blonde locks into a blazing orange, Susan said nothing. It was only when she could feel death close by that Susan finally spoke, her words soft and gentle.

 

“Roland...I love thee.” Susan Delgado whispered, before the inferno devoured her completely.

 

----

 

“...Oh, dear God…” Usagi whispered, terrified. “At least she faced death honorably.”

 

Blackhawk looked at her. “What honor is there in death?” He asked, bitterness in his tone. “Death is not honorable. Death is cruel and uncaring, blind and merciless. There is no honor to be found in death…”

 

“She begs to differ.” Pinkie said, looking at Kras’hir.

 

“He is not entirely wrong.” The Daemoness said. “Death itself is not honorable. Fighting and killing is where honor can be found.”

 

“...That’s true.” Lettuce said.

 

“Not helping.” Toby muttered.

 

Blackhawk looked at him, raising a brow.

 

“...Never mind.”

 

“Anyway, continue.” Alpha said.

 

“What more is there to say?” Blackhawk replied. “Roland was gutted by this loss, of course. That was the first time I'd ever seen him weep. We found the Witch of Hambry on the edge of town. She tried to cast a spell, but Roland was faster. He shot her in the head before she could say a single word.”

 

“...That’s it?” Ebony asked, the hostilities flaring up once again. “THAT’S IT?!”

 

“Um, Ebony? I don’t think you should be acting this way. Blackhawk just poured his heart and soul out to us…” Pinkie advised, though Ebony ignored her. The Hawkian gunslinger stared at Ebony, his gaze cold and hard.

 

“I apologize, Ebony. Should I have brought popcorn? I wasn't aware this tale was so enthralling and entertaining for you.”

 

Toby facepalmed. “Oh, sweet Arceus, here we go…”

 

“IT’S A WESTERN! IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE ENTERTAINING!”

 

Blackhawk said, his voice unchanged in volume, “It was not. I would know. After all, I lived it.”

 

“...” Ebony glared at him. “...You still love her, don’t you?”

 

“Yes.” Blackhawk responded.

 

“...Why can’t you show that to me? I’m your girlfriend too.” Her tone was venomous; given her vampiric nature, she would have fed on Blackhawk then and there if she lost her temper. Blackhawk drew one of his guns, aiming it at her.

 

“Try and feed from me, Ebony, and I will shoot you dead.” He said calmly. “As for why I don't show you the same amount of affection? Margarita wasn't a whore.”

 

“...You take that back.” But it was not Ebony who said this. It was Toby.

 

“No.” Blackhawk spat. “I will not.”

 

“I said, take it back, Blackhawk Little of Gilead. She’s my girlfriend.” Toby replied, his voice low.

 

“And you're welcome to her.” Blackhawk responded. “There are very few people who can give me orders, Toby. You are not one of them.”

 

“...Calm the fuck down, both of you.” Usagi said. “I hate to enforce my position as leader, but I have to.”

 

“Calm down?” Blackhawk replied, smiling serenely. “I am calm. It'll take a helluva a lot more than these two getting offended to make me upset.”

 

“Good. You two,” she said, turning to Toby and Ebony. “Go get some air or something.”

 

“Fine.” Ebony muttered, walking out. Toby followed her.

 

“...As much as I want to agree with Ebony in how anticlimactic that was,” Lettuce began. “That’s probably not the end of your little tale, Blackhawk.”

 

“Yeah.” Naruto agreed. “What happened to the Big Coffin Hunters?”

 

“Oh, those three men weren't a problem for long.” Blackhawk replied. “You see, there were three Hunters: Eldred Jonas, Roy Depape and Clay Reynolds. The former two are dead. Roland and Cuthbert saw to that.”

 

----

 

It was not long after Susan Delgado was, for lack of a better phrase, sentenced to death by Charyou Tree that Roland and Cuthbert confronted two of the Hunters. Now, in any other western, this would have been the climactic showdown between the heroes and villains.

 

(just see what you’ve done)

 

But this was not a western as the Rangers knew it. This was All-World. This shootout was bloody and short. Cuthbert had two of his fingers blown off. Roland took three shots to the stomach and left hip. Eldred Jonas ended up with a round in each eye, a third piercing his throat, causing him to choke on his own blood. Roy Depape was killed by Cuthbert, who shot him several times in the groin, gut and chest. When all was said and done, the two young men were still alive, yet bleeding out from their wounds.

 

“Come on, Ro.” Cuthbert said, his voice low and hoarse. “Let’s get healed up.”

 

“Right.” Roland said, and the two best friends went, hands on each others’ shoulders, to the local doctors’ office.

 

------

 

“After they got their wounds treated, the four of us returned to Gilead.” Blackhawk said. “At least, for a short time. Then, Roland and I traveled back to Hambry...and avenged Susan. Not a single soul survived, save for the children.”

 

“...Oh, dear God...you even killed Margarita’s family?” Usagi asked. “Why them?”

 

“They did nothing when Susan was burned.” He responded. “In fact, they were among those chanting as she was burned. They got what they deserved.”

 

“...You are one jaded and cynical bastard.” Usagi said dryly. “No offense.”

 

“You would be too if you had to grow up in the same place I did.” He replied, shrugging. “All-World is not kind to the weak and naive.”

 

“...Is your power to know stuff you haven’t seen like Pinkie’s fourth wall breaking?” All but Pinkie herself stared at Lettuce, who had spoken.

 

“...What?” Naruto asked.

 

“Never mind, that’s not important now.” Pinkie said, brushing it off. “But how do you do that? Knowing what others are doing exactly when you’re in another place?”

 

“Because they all live inside my mind.” Blackhawk said. “Cort, Cuthbert, Susan, Alain, Margarita...they all live in my head, and I can see all their memories and experiences. That is how Cort spoke to you.”

 

He paused, then spoke again, his voice that of a woman, “How I can speak to you. My name is Susan. It's nice to meet all of you.”

 

“Nice to meet you too!” Pinkie said. “I wish I could give you a big welcome hug, but you’re well, a voice.”

 

“Long days and pleasant nights to you.” Naruto said.

 

“And may you have twice the number.” Susan replied, bowing ‘her’ head.

 

“We don’t think any less of Blackhawk after hearing what he’s been through.” Usagi said. “In fact we see him as even more than just a friend and teammate. He’s family. And, maybe, even part of our ka-tet.”

 

“Yeah.” Lettuce agreed. “He and Naruto may still not get along at times-”

 

“HEY!”

 

“-but that doesn’t mean Blackhawk’s any less of a Ranger to us. Because Power Rangers and gunslingers have one thing in common: they help each other in the worst of times.”

 

“Well said, Saladleaf.” Naruto said, grinning. Susan could only smile sadly.

 

“I admire your strength, Rangers.” She said. “Truly, I do. But it may not be enough to stop the coming storm. Dark forces are converging on this world, and I cannot say whether any of us will survive.”

 

“...It may not be enough, you’re right.” Usagi said. “But we’ll fight back or die trying, come hell or high water.”

 

Susan nodded, before Blackhawk took control again. He inhaled and exhaled a few times, before leaning back in his chair.

 

“...Roland ended up shooting his own mother, you know.” He said sadly.

 

“You mentioned it earlier.” Lettuce said. “I’m not gonna ask.”

 

“He was tricked.” Blackhawk said. “That damned Grapefruit fooled him into thinking the Witch of Hambry was on her way to Gilead. Roland, paranoid and angry, mistook his mother for Rhea, and ended up shooting her dead.”

 

“...I said I didn’t want to know!” Lettuce said, his voice near-breaking.

 

“I'm not telling this story for your benefit, Lettuce.” Blackhawk replied. “I'm telling it for myself, so that I may finally have some peace.”

 

“I know, man. Believe me, I know…”

 

Blackhawk took a shake breath, before standing up. “I need some air.”

 

With that, he left the room. He found Ebony feeding off Toby, the latter holding her close and stroking her hair. Blackhawk promptly turned around, trying to leave without them noticing him. They didn’t, thankfully. Good. Blackhawk wasn't in any mood to have the two of them ganging up on him. The fact that they were both naked would have made things even more awkward.

 

Blackhawk, after a minute of debating, went home to see his mother. Hopefully, despite their differences, they would see eye-to-eye this time. He did not always get along with her, but he also pitied his mother. She was broken, just like him. Blackhawk knocked on the door of the apartment she and his brother were staying in, waiting. Coop answered. “Hey, bro. What’s up?”

 

“Is mom going to try and kill me if I come in?” Blackhawk asked, casually cleaning one of his guns.

 

“...Dude, is that…?” Coop whispered, his tone having slight panic. “If Mom sees that, then she’ll definitely kill you!” He took a deep breath, trying desperately to calm himself down.

 

“Oh, good. That'll spice up my evening.” Blackhawk said dryly, holstering the gun and entering the apartment. He would notice that, much like Alphys and Undynes’ old apartment, it was bigger on the inside. How odd. His mother sat in her bedroom, casually channel surfing and eating cheese puffs.

 

“The Prodigal Son has returned.” she said half-dryly, making it clear she was glad to see him nonetheless. Blackhawk had learned that his family spoke almost nothing but dry sarcasm and dark humor, so his mother’s snarky tone was expected. He sat down next to her, removing his coat and draping it on the bed behind him.

 

“...Are those your father’s guns?” she whispered fiercely. “We swore as a family to never speak of Gilead ever again.”

 

“My father’s guns? No, they're my guns. I dueled Cort for them, remember?”

 

“Even still, we swore never to talk about that damned land of milk and honey again.” she said. “Get rid of them. Now.”

 

“You're not the only one who has suffered, you know.” Blackhawk replied. “I loved him, too, but he's gone. You can't bury that forever.” Immediately, she began to cry. She, the seemingly infallible Abigail Little, actually began to cry.

 

“I know I can’t, but what do you want me to do?” she asked him. “You boys are the only pieces of him I have left.”

 

“I know, mom. I know.” He whispered, pulling her into a hug.

 

“I love you, Blackhawk. I always will. Because no matter what, you and Coop will always be my winners.”

 

He smiled softly, wiping the tears from her cheeks. “And no matter what...I’ll remember you as a crazy woman who bit off a man’s balls for trying to force himself on you.”

 

“...They tasted terrible.” she chuckled. “Too salty for my liking.”

 

“Oh, my God.” Blackhawk snorted, laughing as well. “Please, don't talk to me about how balls taste again.”

 

“Oh, why not? You should know from that Toby you like to see.” Immediately, she saw Blackhawk’s expression change. “Was it something I said?”

 

“I'm not overly fond of Toby at the moment.” Blackhawk responded, sighing.

 

“What happened? Talk to me.” she said, her tone concerned. He did, telling his mother about all of the drama involving Toby and Ebony. “...Shoulda guessed. Told you I was right about that girl. Want my advice, Blackhawk? Break up with her. She’s going to act like a self-centered whore, then treat her that way.”

 

Blackhawk nodded. “I've given her more chances than she deserves to change. I'm done.”

 

“Good.” Margarita’s voice echoed in his head. “But what about Toby? He’s the innocent party being dragged into your quarrel.”

 

‘He's devoted to her. He isn't going to abandon Ebony. He also said nothing when she complained about my tale like it was some sloppily written Western. He can have her. I'm done.’

 

“Again, that is good. Besides, you and I can’t be separated.”

 

‘No, I suppose we can't.’

 

“I love you, mi querido.” Blackhawk was fluent in Spanish: she had called him ‘my dear’.

 

‘And I, you. Now, and forever.’ He said, feeling her withdraw back into his mind. He spent quality time with his mother for a while longer, then went into what served for now as his bedroom. He spent his time in there cleaning his guns. Normally when doing a task like this, he would have listened to some music; generally, it would have been something like Elton John or Michael Jackson. Not this time, however. He needed to be attentive and focused entirely on his guns. As he did, he muttered the Gunslinger’s Creed repeatedly, which made the time go faster. Once he finished, he decided to text Toby. As much as he disliked him at the moment, how else was he going to get the message across? With a sigh, he took out his phone and texted Toby.

 

At this point, Toby and Ebony were lying in one of the Command Center’s many, many spare bedrooms, having decided to engage in some carnal pleasures after the latter had finished feeding on Toby. Tiredly, Toby reached for his phone as it started to buzz, but Ebony was much quicker. “Oh.” she muttered irritably. “It’s from Blackhawk.”

 

“Really?” What’s it say?”

 

“He’s breaking up with me. Again. And this time, he says it’s permanent.” She didn’t sound upset, angry, or generally concerned, which Toby immediately noticed. “He also says you can have me all to yourself.”

 

“Huh. You don’t seem all too bothered about it.” Toby replied.

 

“I’m not.” Ebony said flatly. “Why should I date someone who doesn’t like me for who I am? Besides, the only reason I didn’t break up with him is because he was good in bed.”

 

“Hey…” Toby said, displeased at his own manhood being compared to Blackhawk’s. Ebony giggled, wrapping her arms around him.

 

“Don’t worry, you’re not gonna get compared to Blackhawk anytime soon. Wanna know why?”

 

“Surprise me.”

 

“Because we’re a team. It’s you and me against the world, babe.” Ebony said, kissing him. “And nothing, I mean nothing, is gonna change that.” Toby snuggled into her, and they made love once again before falling asleep.

[4EverGreen]

Only four episodes left to go in Generation One of the “Total Cartoon” series! Let's end “Total Cartoon Global Cruise” on a high note! / Sniz is in the cockpit, and says: “Last time on Total Cartoon Global Cruise,” an exciting race was held on all 551 miles of Pakistan's Karakoram Highway, which would result in determining who would participate in the Final Five! Six contestants were soon joined by six partners! Some were pleasantly pleased, Captain Retro was pleasantly surprised, and Suzie Carmichael was just surprised, for all the WRONG reasons! Because who should try to make her unwelcome appearance once again, except for Angelica Pickles?! I SWEAR, that lady is like a COCKROACH! She just keeps coming back no matter HOW many times you tell it, that she's not WELCOME!!!! But Captain Retro, put a swift end to Angelica's final, fiendish plan to win easy money, by subduing the beast with her fatal weakness, a song originally performed by Heart! And so, with Angelica out of the picture, Captain Retro and his partner, also took their leave from the competition! Now we are down to the Final Five Contestants! Chameleon, Skipper, Patrick, Suzie, and Reggie! They're all guaranteed to win some money, but only three of them will make it to the Grand Finale! Who will it be?! Stay tuned to watch the fate of the Final Five, on another globe-hopping adventure of Total Cartoon Global Cruise! I wonder, how exactly do you say that in Slovakian?”

Instead of the usual show open, the Final Five are shown in some of their most adventurous exploits during the course of the season, while a rocking song by David Lee Roth is played over the montage! / Genre: Hard Rock. Sub-genre: Glam Metal. Song: “Knucklebones”. Sung by: David Lee Roth! / (Guitar intro) David Lee Roth sings: “When the fire burns 'neath a zombie moon, you feel the winds of change. Oh, the drums will tell the tune! And you know it's true, baby! Can you feel the heat of the setting sun? It's burning up the streets. This beat has got mixed blood! And I know it too. But now her mama's got the eyes, like she's workin' on a heart attack. A fella never can tell! And I'm about to go bananas with the 'When ya comin' back?' So we're hittin' the road, and we're pumpin' thunder! Mama, look out for down below! Get the show on the road, it's the feeling we're under! You can feel it right down to your knucklebones! One of these dark nights, as the saying goes; there's some dirty work to be done down by the crossroads! And I know it's true! Ain't no use waitin' for your invitation! King Kong never had it so clean! We'll do the Fat Cat Shake! We'll have our cake and eat it too! You could never, no, no, no, never, beat this squeeze! Because we're hittin' the road and we're pumpin' thunder! Mama, look out for down below, yeah! Get the show on the road, and it's really no wonder you can feel it right down to your knucklebones! (Guitar solo) Ah, yeah! Wooh, must be the heat! Oh, oh! Stop dreamin' and start drivin', hey! (Guitar solo) Ah, Ah! Ah! Ah, ha, ha! So we're hittin' the road, and we're pumpin' thunder! Mama, look out for down below, yeah! Get the show on the road, it's really no wonder you can feel it right down to your knucklebones! Get the show on the road! Get the show on the road (yeah, yeah, yeah)! Get the show on the road! And you can feel it right down to you knucklebones!” (Instrumental finish!) /

“Just Like Paradise” / The episode begins properly, with the plane in transit. The Final Five and their partners (minus Suzie, who currently doesn't have a partner), are currently celebrating their good fortune in the First Class section of the plane! Skipper says: “We made it, we made it, we made the Final Five!” Marlene says: “Yeah, that is what I'm talking about! And to think, you made it all the way here, even without Captain Retro's help!” Skipper says: “You should really thank King Julien. If he hadn't have paid Sniz $30 million to put me back in the game, I NEVER would've gotten my third chance to be in the game!” Marlene says: “WOW! King Julien had THAT much faith in you?!” Skipper says: “Like you wouldn't believe!” Marlene says: “That just gives us MORE of a reason to try to WIN this whole thing! We owe it to King Julien to pay him back for what he GAVE to us! It's the least we can do!”

(Confessional) Marlene says: “The way I envisioned this season going, was me actually GETTING to the Final Five! Not just being Skipper's partner! But seeing as how this is the reason WHY I'm even here to begin with at all, I intend to make the best of things! After all, I can think of at least 40 million reasons to celebrate, and they all start with an American President known as George Washington! On the dollar, not the quarter!” / Skipper says: “King Julien told me himself, that the only way Sniz would allow ME back onto the show for a third try, was for King Julien to PROVE that he was TRULY sorry for the way the New York challenge episode turned out. Sniz estimated that we LOST about $30 million in revenue from the stunt we pulled together, so that's why King Julien GAVE Sniz $30 million out of his own pocket, from some of the money we made off of all those Madagascar movies! But at the very least, we'll STILL be at LEAST $10 million richer when all is said and done! The WORST we could do now, is to only walk away with $40 million! Which is still a pretty good payday if you ask me!” (End Confessional)

Chameleon is resting with Dudley, and Dudley says: “Chameleon, you've really done good by both of us. I hope you realize that.” Chameleon sighs in contentment, and he says: “Yeah. It's just SO incredible to think this could have happened to me! Friends, a decent popularity, being treated like a good guy; I accomplished in one season as a hero, what I NEVER could have achieved in a life-time of being a bad guy! Even THAT would've been a reward enough! But to get a reward and split it with YOU guys?! That would be the icing on top of the cake!” Dudley says: “As long as it's not a chocolate cake! Dogs can't eat chocolate!” Chameleon says: “Don't worry! We'll celebrate with ANY cake you want that DOESN'T involve chocolate in it at all!” (Confessional) Dudley says: “When we started off, I could tell just by looking at Chameleon, like he felt like he had almost no chance to gain ANYTHING out of being in this season! In fact, he confessed to me that the only REAL reason he entered this competition, was to try to make friends. Something inside told me that becoming friends with him was the right thing! I think that was my conscience! Anyways, I did; and little by little, step by step, Chameleon has made it! Even if this is his last challenge, it will still give him, me, Kitty, and Keswick $10 million each! If that's not a good enough reward for becoming a good guy, than I don't know what is!” / Chameleon says: “Dudley is so soft, furry, cuddly, there's really NOTHING that I could possibly NOT like about him! He not only has confidence about himself, he gave ME confidence, that I never knew that I had inside of myself! I've become a good guy thanks to his belief in me, and for that, I will be forever grateful, for being able to join his team, and that's the honest truth!” (End Confessional) Suzie is sulking, sitting by herself, and Patrick says: “Cheer up, Suzie! Things could ALWAYS be worse, you know!” Suzie rolls her eyes and says: “Would you PLEASE tell me just HOW things could POSSIBLY be worse?!” Patrick, unsure, asks: “Uh, are you being sarcastic; or are you being serious? Because I can honestly almost NEVER tell with most of you guys!” Suzie says: “Oh, I'd say I'm being about 70% serious, 30% sarcastic.” Patrick says: “Than in that case, the way things COULD be worse, is if YOU weren't here at ALL!” Suzie groans, and says: “But I want my partner! If it weren't for ANGELICA, I would HAVE Otto right now!” Pearl says: “You'll get Otto to join back up with you soon enough. Sniz wouldn't want you to finish this alone.” Suzie asks: “Like YOU two would be the experts on what Sniz would do? After all, Patrick DOESN'T have the best track record when it comes to being the main protagonist in good episodes of Spongebob Squarepants, you know.” Patrick says: “That's totally NOT my fault, you know! I have George Jetson JOB security! I'm at the MERCY of WHATEVER the writer's want me to do! I don't do what they say, I'll get fired and replaced!”

Suzie asks: “YOU would get fired and replaced?!” Pearl says: “It's not unprecedented! Ren Hoek got FIRED after season two of Ren and Stimpy, and Stimpy had to continue the REST of the series dubbing in Ren's lines, because the look-alike actor they hired for Ren didn't SOUND like Ren!” Suzie says: “I always DID wonder why the later seasons were so different from seasons one and two.”

(Confessional) Suzie says: “I always DID wonder why Patrick acts SO inconsistent as far as his acting behavior goes. It's the meddling writers of his SERIES that is to blame! I'm just SO lucky that I never HAD that particular problem! Although I DO wish that they hadn't treated Angelica Pickles like such a DIVA during her Rugrats days! Maybe THEN, she wouldn't BE so rotten and mean to everybody! In any case, it's not like I'm WORRIED about my chances; I'd just feel a lot better about them if I had Otto with me right now! That's all I'm saying!” / Patrick says: “I get LITERALLY next to no say as to how I get portrayed in various episodes of Spongebob Squarepants! And since I don't want to make the mistake that Ren Hoek made, by REFUSING to cooperate with the studio executives, that involves me often swallowing my pride, and doing things that I would often rather not want to do. I'm not always proud of how I perform in all of my episodes, but I always try to put in 110% every time I DO appear in an episode!” / Pearl says: “I'll give Patrick credit for one thing. It's not EVERYONE who can maintain their dignity while appearing in episodes that would degrade the attitude of many other actors and/or actresses. Patrick can do that, because he is a professional actor! That's one of the many things I love about him!” (End Confessional)

In the V.I.P. Lounge, Reggie is showing Rocko, pictures of her trophy collection. Reggie says: “This is the trophy I won in 2005, off of Seal Beach. Here's a trophy I won in 2006, down in Muscle Shoals, and here is a trophy I won in 2007, for the Daytona Beach open!” Rocko says: “That's really impressive, Reggie!” Reggie says: “You know, my brother wouldn't like to admit it, but I'm his BIGGEST source of competition, whenever we get into sporting events together!” Rocko says: “Sounds like you've had a competitive life.” Reggie says: “And that's putting it mildly! Tito always told me that you can't choose your family, you can only choose your friends. Which is why I'm SO glad I have such dear friends like you guys! It takes my mind off of all of Otto's complaining, whenever he loses to me.” Rocko says: “I'm always here to help you, Reggie.” (Confessional) Reggie says: “In fourteen years of competitions, I've traveled anywhere there are open waves, surfed in any current with big swells, and out-shredded any contestant who came up against me! But in all those competitions, I never got the sense that I was really getting anything out of it, because those competitions only tested me physically, and not mentally. This is the most exciting competition I've ever been in, because I've been tested physically AND mentally! I've passed all the tests that I've come across SO far, and now I'm in the home stretch! Just need to keep a good focus on these last few challenges, and I could win the whole thing! I just got to keep my eye on the ball...whatever THAT means, of course!” / Rocko says: “I'm not too worried about Reggie's chances. After all, this IS Reggie Rocket we're talking about! I may be a little biased about this, but I think she has a better chance than anyone else remaining! That doesn't mean it's going to be any easier for her, but I think she can handle it better than most other contestants could, if they were in her situation! We'll just have to see for ourselves how everything will turn out, as these final few challenges unfold!” (End Confessional)

Sniz is in the cock-pit, he pushes the intercom button, and over the loud-speakers, his voice is heard. Sniz says: “Congratulations, Final Five! Through hard work, determination, and other methods too numerous to mention, you have persevered past 53 other contestants, to make it all the way to the Final Five! First off, I've got some happy news for YOU, Suzie! Your real PARTNER is here! Last seen getting eliminated in the Mount Everest challenge, please welcome back Otto Rocket!” And Otto Rocket rides on a skateboard, out of the Cargo Room area! Suzie asks: “Otto?! When did YOU get back here?!” Otto says: “Just five minutes ago. Wanda poofed me back here from where I was, but Sniz said I had to stay put until he called my name. Needless to say, LONGEST five minutes of my LIFE!!!!” Suzie smiles, and she says: “Well, there's no need for you to be bored any longer! Because as long as you're with me, I can give you ALL the excitement YOU want!” Otto romantically says: “And believe me, I really LOVE the sound of that! I'll help you conquer ANYTHING that is thrown at you!”

(Confessional) Suzie fist-pumps in the air, and she says: “Yes! Now THESE are the odds that I'm talking about! For a minute, I was ACTUALLY concerned that Patrick might have an ACTUAL chance of BEATING me! But with Otto by my side? I don't think that's going to happen now!” / Patrick says: “Somehow, I KNOW that SOMEONE just made another insulting comment about me! What IS it about me that makes people want to DUMP all their negativity on me? Even Chameleon gets treated with more respect than I do, and HE used to be a villain! I REFUSE to stand for it any longer! I WILL get into the Final THREE, I WILL outlast Skipper, and I WILL get the respect I deserve, and the haters can just go to HECK!!!!” / Otto says: “In a competition, who has the best chance to win? It's OBVIOUSLY someone whose last name ends with 'Rocket.' Reggie MAY be the actual contestant, but I have a tougher edge! She may rule the waves, but I RULE just about everything else! Reggie may be my sister, but that doesn't mean I'm going to go easy on her! After all, this is my chance to prove myself as an ace athlete! And if I can do that by helping Suzie WIN this whole thing, that will make my break-up from Angelica Pickles that much SWEETER!” (End Confessional) Sniz resumes, and he says: “Now that you are all present and accounted for, it's time to tell you about the situation at hand. As of right now, no matter what happens, you're all going home with at least $40 million in cold, hard, cash! But only three of you will be going to the Final Three to battle it out for the grand prize of $44.44 million! One of you will be leaving at the end of today's challenge, and it will be an AUTOMATIC Elimination! Whoever comes in last in this challenge, will have to pack their bags, grab their partner, and get out of her with $40 million in cold, hard cash! So, there will be no elimination ceremony this time! So, best of luck to all of you! It's time to reveal today's challenge! We will be going to Slovakia!” General Barracuda says: “And Sniz will tell you what you can expect for today!” Sniz says: “Right! For your challenge today, you will be going to the peak of Rysy, in the Tatra Mountains. You will start at the top at 8,212 feet above sea level, and descend to the mountain chalet of Chata Pod Rysmi, 7,380 feet above sea level. Once you've descended, you will be taken into the extensive cave system of Belianska. Once you're inside the cave system, that's where the REAL challenge happens! But first, let me explain the mechanics of how this challenge came to be. During our last Performance Review of this season, we asked most of your former, eliminated companions, who they were rooting for to win in the Final Five, by a show of flags!” Suzie asks: “Who won, Otto?!” Otto says: “Not you, unfortunately.”

Sniz says: “Snaptrap, Invader Zim, Keswick, Kaput, Oonski, Blonda, Taotie, and Bulma all held up Chameleon's flag; Haggis, Dib Bitters, Sway-Sway, Harvey Beaks, Guano, King Julien, Buhdeuce, Monster, Randolph, Gonard and Zarbon all held up Skipper's flag; Stanley, Heffer, Spongebob, and Larry held up Patrick's flag; Lil Deville, Judy Funny, Globitha, Robot, and Phoebe held up Suzie's flag; and Twister, Angelica Pickles, Treeflower, Craig Slithers, Otto Rocket, Sanjay, Tigress, Daggett, Norbert, Po, Dog, Stimpy, Wally, and Captain Retro all held up Reggie's flag! So eight former contestants wanted Chameleon to win; eleven former contestants wanted Skipper to win; four former contestants wanted Patrick to win; five former contestants wanted Suzie to win; and a record fourteen contestants wanted Reggie to win! And now, because of their choices, their flags, have now become YOUR flags! So Chameleon, you have to find eight white flags with your contestants' faces on it! Skipper has to find eleven yellow flags with his contestants' faces on it! Patrick has to find his four purple flags with his friends' faces on it! Suzie has to find her five blue flags with her friends' faces on it! And Reggie has to find all fourteen of her green flags, with her contestants' faces on it! Now, to be fair, all the flags have been hidden randomly by Wanda! No clues and no hints from us! But, your communicators DO have a flag-tracking app, which will alert you to when you are within 30 feet of one of your flags. It won't tell you where they are, just that they're near! And you must locate ALL of your flags in this challenge, and whoever finishes the challenge LAST is automatically eliminated! So NO pressure for any of you!”

Rocko says: “That's gonna be extra tough for Skipper and Reggie, since MORE contestants picked THEM over the others!” Sniz says: “Don't worry about it! Those flags WILL come into play again if you make it to the Final Three! How, you might ask? That, we're keeping a secret for when the time comes! Whoever gets to the Mountain Chalet first, will get a 10 minute head start before everyone else! But I should warn you, when you're in the cave system of Belianska, which is 11,946 feet long, you will be faced with temptations and/or dangers, that will try to thwart you from finding all your flags. And in case you're wondering Suzie, the answer is NO! This challenge is thankfully SANS Angelica!” Suzie breathes in relief, and says: “That's good to know!” Than the plane screeches directly to a halt, over the middle (and highest) summit of Rysy in Northern Slovakia!” Wanda appears, and she says: “You were RIGHT, General Barracuda! You could and DID stop this plane on a dime; literally!” General Barracuda says: “I wouldn't expect anything less from myself!” Wanda says: “Take this safety gear! You'll need it for repelling down the mountain!” And Wanda magically equips the contestants and their partner's with the safest mountain climbing gear that she possibly can! Sniz says: “You'll want to get down the mountain fast, but you also want to get there safe! I REALLY don't want to have to eliminate anybody via med evac this late in the game. It would be rather anti-climatic after everything you have ALL already been through!” Skipper says: “Don't worry! We're not about to let THAT happen!” Sniz says: “And before I forget, there's THIS!” (Beep! Beep! Ba-beep! Beep! Beep!) Pearl says: “I had a feeling that was coming up!” Sniz says: “According to some people, this place is Just Like Paradise, and I DO mean the David Lee Roth song of the same name, is what you have to sing!” Marlene says: “I've got experience with this one! So I'll start us!”

Genre: Hard Rock. Sub-genre: Glam Metal. Song: “Just Like Paradise”. Sung by: Cast! / During this sequence, the contestants and their partners repel down the mountain while they sing! (Musical intro) Marlene sings: “Rockin' steady in her daddy's car, she got the stereo with the big guitars, and that's all right!” Skipper sings: “Yeah, all right!” Otto sings: “I got the itch and a restless soul! She gone with the wind, gonna go for broke tonight, yeah! And that's all night!” Patrick and Pearl: “Girl, we've been meant for this since we were born (since we were born)! No problems now, the coast is clear (ooh)! It's just the calm before the storm!” Cast and Sniz sing: “This must be just like livin' in paradise (just like paradise)! And I don't wanna go home (and I never wanna go)! This must be just like livin' in paradise! And I don't wanna go home! Dig it, dig it!” Otto sings: “Suzie, Suzie, girl, for cryin' out loud; you got all the right moves! You make me eat my heart out nightly! Aw, that's all right with me, yeah!” Suzie sings: “No special favors, make it out to cash! We'll spend it later, got to make this romance last! And last! That's it, that's it!” Reggie sings: “Some folks say easy come, is easy go.” Rocko sings: “And some folks say, one night ain't enough for me! Girl, hang on tight and don't let go!” Cast and Dudley: “This must be just like livin' in paradise (it's just like paradise, hey)! And I don't wanna go home (and I ain't never goin' home)!” Cast and Chameleon: “This must be just like livin' in paradise (just like, just like paradise)! And I don't wanna go home, wow!” (Guitar Solo) Chameleon: “Ho ho, ho! Aw, yeah! Whoo!” (Reggie and Rocko pull ahead) Cast and Reggie: “This must be just like livin' in paradise (in paradise, paradise)! And I don't wanna go home (and I don't, I don't wanna go)! This must be just like livin' in paradise (I'm never goin' home)! And I don't wanna go home (wow, 1-800-SEE-YA, baby)!” Cast and Sniz: “This must be just like livin' in paradise (just like paradise)! And I don't wanna go home (wow, hey, hey)! (Just like paradise, just like) This must be just like livin' in paradise!” (And the epic song ends as Reggie and Rocko get to the mountain chalet of Chata Pod Rysmi first! Over the communicators, Sniz says: “Congratulations, on making it to the mountain chalet first! It's time to get acquainted with your local mountain guide, who will guide you to the cave system of Belianska for the next part of your challenge!” And who should come out of the Mountain Chalet except for Gordon Quid?!

Gordon says: “FINALLY!!!! After 49 episodes of WAITING, I finally got a REAL role this season! We just need to wait for everyone else before we can begin!” And soon enough, the other contestants and their partners, make it safely to the Mountain Chalet. Gordon says: “I'm glad you're all here! Now, walk behind me, and step lightly and carefully! It's going to be a rocky walk to get to the Belianska cave system!” Otto says: “Don't worry about us! After dealing with the menace that WAS Angelica Pickles, I think we're ALL ready to tackle anything!” Suzie says: “You got THAT right!” (Confessional) Suzie says: “Honestly? Anything that occurs POST Angelica Pickles, will be EASY compared to all the agony and grief SHE put us through! Fortunately, we no longer have to think about her anymore! Now, I just need to focus on collecting my flags!” / Otto says: “Sniz mentioned something about distractions once we get to the Belianska Cave system. But since it's NOT Angelica Pickles, I wonder what else he has in mind!” (End Confessional) Sniz says: “Well, it's going to take them awhile to get to the Belianska Cave system, but don't go away! Because when we get back, we'll figure out for ourselves, who is the best flag finder among our contestants, in this Slovakian edition of Total Cartoon Global Cruise! RICOLA!!!! I always wanted to say that!” (Commercial Break). /

After the commercials end, Gordon Quid, the contestants, and their partners, are standing right outside the Belianska Cave system in Slovakia. Gordon says: “Here she is! The Belianska Cave System, and all 11,946 feet of it!” Patrick says: “Unless my powers of deduction fail me, that's equivalent to more than, two whole miles!” Otto asks: “Since when are YOU a math expert?!” Patrick says: “Maybe you forget, but I CAN be smart with the Brain Coral that General Barracuda attached to my head LAST season, lest you FORGET that important fact! The only reason I haven't been USING it this season, is because I've been holding back, trying to use only my OWN skills; but since NONE of you APPRECIATE or even give me the slightest PRETENDING of pretense of trying to respect me, I'm going to be USING it, in order to get myself into the Final Three! Maybe THEN, you'll see that I deserve to be here just like the REST of you!” Skipper says: “You'd have to beat Otto and ME first before you can do THAT! And good luck TRYING!” Marlene says: “Skipper, remember that little talk we had about tempting fate? Well, you're doing it AGAIN!!!!” Skipper asks: “Come ON!!!! Have I EVER tempted fate this season?!” Marlene says: “Yeah, TWICE!!!!” Skipper thinks about it, and asks: “What was the FIRST time?!” Patrick seriously looks at Skipper and asks: “Seriously? King JULIEN was your FIRST time!” Skipper asks: “You count THAT debacle?!” Suzie says: “I'm surprised that YOU don't!” Gordon says: “Focus, guys! You all have a mission in this cave system! You have to retrieve ALL your flags! And don't forget, some of you have to collect more flags than the other contestants do! Fortunately, to make it fair, the contestants who DON'T have as many flags to collect, will find their flags spread MORE apart, so they'll have to look through the cave system just as much as the contestants who have a BUNCH of flags to collect! So, you all have an even chance of winning this challenge!” Chameleon asks: “We were also told that there would be certain distractions in this cave system! What exactly are we talking about?” Gordon says: “That's something you'll have to figure out by yourself! It wouldn't be as challenging otherwise, if you KNEW what it was that you are SUPPOSED to be avoiding!” Pearl asks: “We can NEVER just get an easy challenge, can we?” Gordon says: “It wouldn't be as fun for the viewers back home, now would it?” Reggie says: “I'm not worried! I'm SUPER focused when it comes to challenges like this!” Gordon says: “Let's hope so! Reggie, you and Rocko got a ten minute head start, so make the most of it! And, GO!!!!”

Rocko and Reggie, holding bright flashlights, quickly run into the cave system, only to soon discover two large separate caverns to choose from! Rocko asks: “Which way do you think has the most flags?”

Reggie says: “We don't even need to choose! Let's both pick a cavern, and that way, we don't have to double back! Mark your progress with a piece of chalk or something so you don't get lost, and we'll both meet back here once we've found all the flags we can find! Remember, we can't leave until we've found all fourteen of our flags!” Rocko says: “Right! And I'll keep in contact with you with my communicator!” Reggie says: “Be careful, Rocko! There's no telling WHAT our distraction might be!” Rocko says: “Will do, Reggie! See you later!” And Reggie and Rocko, hurry down the left and the right cavern respectively. (Confessional) Reggie says: “Nobody ever said that having the most support would be easy. And strangely enough, I somehow always find that the harder something is to win, the more excited I am to try to win! I guess it's just the competitive nature within me! And being a Rocket family member, probably doesn't hurt matters, either!” / Rocko says: “Statistically speaking, Reggie and I are both in a good place right now. Even so, we can't afford to get complacent, especially not this close to the finish line! The rest of our Retro alliance is counting on us, to divide the $44.44 million grand prize in 16 even ways, and we can't do that unless we get to the Final Three! So we owe it not just to ourselves, but to the rest of our friends, as well! So there's absolutely no chance that we'll let ourselves get distracted now!” (End Confessional)

Rocko runs down the cavern, but who should he ALMOST run into but HEFFER?!!! Heffer says: “What up?! It's so GREAT to see you again!” Rocko asks: “Heffer? What are YOU doing here?!” Heffer says: “I don't know. One minute, I'm sleeping in my hotel room, minding my own business; the next minute I'm awake, dressed, AND here!” Rocko thinks about it, and asks: “Wait a minute! Are you supposed to be a DISTRACTION?!” Heffer says: “I don't know! Nobody has told ME anything!” Rocko says: “Well, if you ARE a distraction; I'm sorry, but I can't afford to talk to you right now. Reggie and I are on a mission!” Heffer says: “You're on a MISSION?! Maybe I can help!” Rocko says: “Really?! What can you do?!” Heffer says: “Easy! I can watch your back, make sure nothing sneaks up behind you! Plus, with my steer instincts, I can ram ANYTHING that tries to hurt us! PLEASE, let me help you! I was a LOUSY contestant this season, but I really want to PROVE myself, by being a valuable asset to you!” Rocko says: “Well, an extra set of eyes certainly could only help! All right! You're on watch duty!” Heffer says: “Thank you, Rocko! You won't be disappointed!” (Confessional) Heffer says: “The thing of the matter is, Sniz asked some former contestants to be distractions for Rocko and the others, but we're not allowed to let the contestants know that we ARE distractions! But truthfully; I don't feel comfortable BEING a distraction! I'd rather be a HELP, than a hindrance to my best friend Rocko! After all, he's done so many good things for me, it's only fair that I pay him back for them!” / Rocko says: “I'm pretty sure Heffer was SUPPOSED to be a distraction! Sniz probably figured that a party guy like him would be great at grabbing my attention and distracting me from finding our flags! But what Sniz didn't count on, is the fact that Heffer's best friend status with me, always override's any sense of partying that Heffer might want to do at any given moment! And accumulating a lot of good karma over the years, probably helps out a lot with that!” (End Confessional) Gordon Quid looks at a watch that he's wearing, and he says: “Reggie and Rocko's ten minute head start is over! Everyone else can go in right now!” And upon hearing that, the remaining contestants, and their partners rush in a mad dash to get in! They all go down the left cavern, but it doesn't take them too long, before they reach a section where the cave branches off into nine different directions! Pearl asks: “Now which way should we go? Things would be a LOT easier if we just had some kind of a hint!” Patrick looks over the cave branch entrances carefully, and he says: “Well, I know which direction Reggie went! She headed down in the western direction! She marked some chalk with a backwards arrow, indicating the way she should go out!” Skipper says: “So that means Reggie's already got a game plan! We should have one, to!”

Otto says: “I do! My game plan is, don't waste time talking to YOU guys, when I could be helping Suzie collect HER flags!” Suzie says: “Otto, WAIT!!!!” But Otto, not paying any heed, quickly rushes down a cave branch heading south! Marlene says: “Otto certainly is ambitious, I'll give him that!” Suzie asks: “What good is ambition if it gets him KILLED?!” Patrick thinks about it, and asks: “That's a rhetorical question you're asking, right?” Suzie says: “Yes.” Patrick fist-pumps in the air, and says: “YES! I'm learning!” Chameleon says: “Well, it's no use running after Otto. You know how he gets once he gets an idea stuck in his head; you can't talk him out of it!” Dudley says: “Hopefully, with any luck, he'll avoid facing any distractions, whatever those might be!” Marlene says: “And what are we supposed to do in the meantime?” Pearl says: “Pick a direction, and hope you're lucky! Patrick, you go left, I'll go right!” Patrick says: “Uh...right!” And they each go off in separate directions! Marlene seriously asks: “THAT'S their game plan?!” Skipper rhetorically asks: “Would you REALLY expect them to come up with something BETTER than that?!” Marlene seriously says: “Not really, no.” Skipper reaches into his bag of gear, and pulls out what looks like a laser device! Skipper says: “Take this red laser marker with you, and mark down the way out! That way, you won't get lost!” Marlene grabs it, and she says: “Thank you! But don't YOU need it?!” Skipper pulls out another one, and he says: “Kowalski ALWAYS packs me a spare! It's better to be over-prepared than under-prepared!” Marlene says: “Skipper, your game has REALLY improved dramatically!” Skipper says: “It was bound to, sooner or later!” (Confessional) Otto says: “My motto is; talk is CHEAP! But actions, are where the REAL money is! And I'm focused on earning up to $44.44 million in it!” / Marlene says: “I'll admit; up until now, I've been a little skeptical about the possibility of Skipper winning this thing; but he's really shown me that he really IS serious about going all the way! And if I can help Skipper cross the finish line, it will make all the ordeals we had to go through this season, totally worth it!” / Skipper says: “Kowalski once told me that anything worth doing, it is always worth it to do it well! And I plan on finishing this season VERY well!” (End Confessional)

Marlene heads off in a north-west direction, while Skipper heads off in a north-east direction. Suzie asks: “Chameleon, I don't suppose YOU can turn into an automatic flag finder or something, and spare me the AGONY of this challenge, can you?” Chameleon says: “First off, I wouldn't know what one would look like! Secondly, even if I DID, I wouldn't, because that would be a form of CHEATING! And I have resolved to play this game fair and square!” Suzie says: “Wow! You really ARE serious about this whole, being a good guy thing!” Dudley asks: “Don't tell me you were STILL doubting him?!” Suzie says: “I didn't get THIS far by being STUPID, like Patrick has!” Patrick shouts: “I HEARD that!” Suzie says: “Ignore him!” Chameleon says: “Noted. And I've never asked for anybody to forget about what I've done when I WAS evil, but I hope I can be forgiven, for proving myself here!” Suzie says: “Personally, I already have! But that doesn't mean I'm going to go easy on you in THIS challenge! I've got people I want to impress, myself! So, I've got just one thing to say, may the best animal or woman win!” Dudley says: “Fair and square!” (Confessional) Suzie says: “I don't consider myself skeptical, all right? I just need to KNOW that something is completely true before I believe it! I don't like rushing into things where I don't know the FULL story! Once I do know, I feel better about what I feel like committing to!” / Chameleon says: “Out of all the remaining contestants in this game, Suzie is the one I have the hardest time getting a read, for. Of course, that's probably the way she likes it! She doesn't wear her emotions all out on her sleeve, she keeps them to herself unless she needs to! And I can understand why she wants to play this thing safe, but there's no guarantee, that playing it safe will be the thing that will help her win this thing! As far as I'm concerned, I'm willing to take any chances to win this thing with Dudley! As long as I don't have to resort to ANYTHING that might involve cheating!” / Dudley says: “At this point, I can't tell if Suzie is just being LAZY, or if she's just trying to reserve her stamina, or BOTH!” (End Confessional)

Chameleon takes a branch that leads to the southwest, Dudley takes a branch that leads to the southeast, and Suzie takes the remaining cave branch that leads up, and towards the west. / Otto is running along, until he runs across Twister! Twister says: “Otto! You've certainly got a lot of SKILLS to make it THIS far! But do you have enough skills to out-shred the TWISTER in this CAVE?! Or are you too CHICKEN?!” Otto angrily shouts: “CHICKEN?!!!” (Confessional) Otto says: “Nobody DARES to call ME a chicken and gets away with it! I'll shred the Twister until there's nothing more of him to SHRED!!!!” (End Confessional) Otto says: “You're on, TWISTER!!!!” And they begin a mad, skateboarding competition throughout the cave system! / Skipper is running through the cave system, and he says: “That's strange! My communicator is picking up SIX of my flags grouped close together! But why?” Than a familiar puffin asks: “Were you SEARCHING for something?!” Skipper looks forward, and he sees his old rival, Hans! Skipper says: “Hans! I might have suspected YOU!” Hans asks: “Were you searching for some of THESE?” And Hans holds up SIX of Skipper's flags! Skipper says: “HEY! Those are MY flags!” Hans says: “I might be willing to give them up, IF you can beat me in solo combat!” (Confessional) Skipper says: “Yeah, I figured that Hans was probably a distraction! The thing of it is, he HAD six of my flags, and wasn't going to give them up without a FIGHT! I had to engage him physically if I wanted to get OUT of the cave with my flags! There wasn't any other way to go about it!” (End Confessional) Skipper says: “Oh, IT'S on!” And they both engage in a FRENZIED flipper to wing combat! / Patrick is walking along, and he says: “It's a good thing my Brain Coral has gifted me with a superb sense of direction, I just HOPE that it allows me to find my flags without too much—OOF!!!!” And Patrick collides with some massive object DIRECTLY blocking his path! Patrick asks: “What is this?! Some kind of ROCK?!” But then he hears the object SNORING, and Patrick says: “Wait a minute! I know of only ONE object that can snore like THAT! Bubble Bass!” And sure enough, a camera SHOWS Bubble Bass lying in the path, just sleeping and being a nuisance! Patrick says: “Come on! Wake up! Get up! Scram! MOVE YOUR BUBBLE BASS for goodness sake!” But nothing Patrick says, seems to be working! Than Patrick gets an epiphany, and he yells: “Oh my GOODNESS!!!! McDonald's has brought back their Mulan Szechuan McNugget Sauce! Hurry, before they run OUT again!” Bubble Bass wakes up in a sweat, and he says: “Dear Neptune! They could sell out soon! I've got to go!” And Bubble Bass runs off in a flash, causing Patrick to smile! (Confessional)

Patrick says: “In the old days, before I got my Brain Corral, I probably WOULD have been stumped as to how to figure THAT problem out! But with my Brain Corral, that problem was like, nothing! Either Sniz gave me an EASY problem to figure out on PURPOSE, because he felt SORRY for me, or Sniz STILL thinks that I'm not CAPABLE of being able to get to the Final Three, and is STILL underestimating me! Well, in case anyone missed the memo, playtime's over! I'm not just going to roll over and LET anyone get to the Final Three! If someone DOES get into the Final Three, they're going to have to EARN it, by PROVING that they are at LEAST as good as me!” (End Confessional) Patrick says: “So much for THAT distraction! Now, maybe finding my flags won't be as complicated as THAT!” / Chameleon is walking along, and he says: “I may not be able to turn into an automatic flag finder, but at least my ability to turn into chalk and mark down the way to get out, is certainly helpful! Wait a minute!” Chameleon checks his communicator, and he sees FOUR of his flags grouped together! Chameleon says: “I thought my flags were supposed to be spaced out more evenly than that!” A familiar villain says: “They WERE, but I already FOUND them!” Chameleon says: “Verminious J. Snaptrap!” Snaptrap descends from the ceiling, and he says: “In the flesh and fur! It feels SO good to be able to do EVIL again!” Chameleon groans, and he says: “Snaptrap, don't you ever learn? Your plans NEVER work! You're so predictable!” Snaptrap sarcastically says: “You think I'm PREDICTABLE?! Than predict my MOTIVE for being here!” Chameleon thinks about it, and he says: “Actually, that I CAN'T do!”

Snaptrap says: “This might surprise you, but it wasn't MY idea to be YOUR distraction! Even after everything Angelica has done, General Barracuda STILL wanted her to be a distraction for somebody, but she said NO! So instead, Angelica and General Barracuda both asked ME to be a distraction instead! And maybe find some valuable diamonds and gems while I'm at it!” Chameleon says: “You KNOW I'm not going to let you STEAL the precious minerals stored within this cave system!” Snaptrap asks: “Are you telling me that you're not the LEAST bit tempted?!” Chameleon says: “In the old days, I might have been. But I'm no longer the VILLAIN you would ALWAYS make fun of; now I'm a hero who finally has the RESPECT that I've always WANTED!” Snaptrap fake-gags, and he says: “UGH!!!! You sound like a page from a self-help book! I'm going to shut you up ONCE and for all!” Chameleon says: “At least my significant OTHER actually KNOWS when to be quiet unlike YOU and YOUR so-called girlfriend!” Snaptrap says: “At least I can GET one!” Chameleon says: “If that was supposed to be a burn, than it failed. I'm actually PROUD of the relationship I have with Dudley!” Snaptrap groans, and he says: “You WOULD be!” (Confessional) Chameleon says: “Snaptrap is the epitome of stubborn AND stupid! He thinks his plans are SO smart when in reality, they begin with all the subtlety of a Tex Avery cartoon, and END with the smashing reality of a Chuck Jones cartoon! Snaptrap is a walking textbook of every single VILLAIN cliché that a villain can do, WRONG!” (End Confessional) Chameleon says: “You know I'm NOT leaving here without those flags!” Snaptrap says: “Than come and take them, if you can!” Chameleon says: “With pleasure!” And Chameleon transforms into KITTY Katswell, and Snaptrap says: “Not a CAT!!!! You're DESPICABLE!!!!” Chameleon says: “You brought this on yourself! And you did it WITHOUT even NEEDING a song originally performed by Heart, to do it!” Snaptrap says: “I'm NOT giving up without a fight!” Chameleon says to himself: “They ALWAYS have to do it the HARD way!” Chameleon than says to Snaptrap: “Well, I TRIED to warn you!” And they begin to get into a frenzied cat-fight! /

Reggie is using her skateboard to quickly travel through the cave system, to find her many flags! Reggie says: “Flag #1! Flag #2! Flag #3! Flag #4! Flag #5! Flag #6! Flag #7! I am on a roll! Seven flags down, and only seven more to go!” A familiar friend says: “That's great news, Reggie!” Reggie asks: “Sam, what are you doing here?” Sam says: “I thought this would be a great spot to brush up on my skateboarding skills! Could you show me a few tricks?” Reggie says: “I'm sorry, I can't help you right now.” Sam says: “Really, it won't take THAT long!” Reggie says: “Sam, I can't help you right now!” And Reggie continues skateboarding through the cave, and Sam says: “Call me!” (Confessional) Reggie says: “Don't get me wrong. Under normal circumstances, I would LOVE to help out Sam with his skateboarding tricks! But the thing of it is, I can't let myself get distracted. And Sam was unfortunately a distraction in that case. But I'll make it up to him someday. And that's a promise AND a guarantee!” (End Confessional) / Suzie is still walking around, without a single flag to her name! Suzie says: “UGH! It must have been at least an hour now, and I STILL haven't found a DARN thing! What kind of messed up person actually does spelunking for FUN?!” And a familiar voice yells: “WHOO-HOO!!!!” And Lil Deville does a backward leap in! Suzie asks: “Lil?! You're here!” Lil Deville says: “Oh, I'm not just Lil! Today, I'm also Mad Dog Hoek!” And in a Spanish accent, Lil says: “Mad Dog Hoek, is loco for BOOM-BOOM!!!!” Than Lil resumes her normal voice, and she says: “Listen! You want to find your flags FAST?!” Suzie says: “As a matter of fact, I WOULD like to get out of here as soon as possible!” Lil says: “Great! I have a plan to get you ALL of your flags in one fell swoop! Follow me!” And Lil skips forward, and Suzie follows her. Suzie says: “This, I got to see!” (Confessional) Suzie says: “Ordinarily, I wouldn't count on Lil Deville to give me directions from Paso Robles, to Bakersfield, California! But the thing of it is, I do NOT do grueling cave challenges, all right! Anything that can help me win this challenge quickly and HOPEFULLY painlessly, I'm all for it! And if it means putting my fate in Lil's unstable hands, than that's what I must do!” (End Confessional) /

Heffer and Rocko are STILL walking along, and Heffer says: “All right! Let's try it again! I spy my with my little eye...” Rocko says: “Another rock!” Heffer says: “You got it AGAIN!!!! You're like FREAKY psychic, or something!” Rocko says: “Wait a minute! I spy with MY little eye something we DO want to see!” Heffer asks: “What's that?” Rocko says: “Seven of Reggie's flags!” And he shines his flashlight, and the various flags are scattered far apart from each other, but still within easy walking and climbing distance! Heffer says: “All right! We'll win this challenge in no time!” Than suddenly, a bunch of BATS start swooping down from the cave, and Heffer says: “These BATS! They're everywhere!” Rocko says: “You distract them, and I'll collect the flags! I'm counting on you, Heffer!” Heffer takes out a baseball bat, and starts swinging around at the wildly flying bats! Heffer says: “Oh, SURE! Let ME do the hard job! That's easy for YOU to say!” (Confessional) Heffer says: “I'll tell you something right now, I'm not getting PAID enough to help my friend Rocko out in this challenge! Do you know what I'm saying?” / Rocko says: “I don't think I ask for much. Besides, Heffer should know that I'm going to share some reward money with him. It's the least I can do for having him help me out.” (End Confessional) / Marlene is walking along, and she says: “With all the cave that I have already seen, you would THINK that I would've found some flags by...hold it!” Marlene checks her communicator, and Marlene says: “It says that five flags are grouped together, and they are close by!” A party-filled voice asks: “Was someone looking for some flags?!” And Marlene asks: “King Julien! What are YOU doing here?!” King Julien says: “Just finding a new place to shake my booty! And get my royal groove on! I found five of your flags!” Marlene says: “If you could just hand them over, I would GREATLY appreciate it!” King Julien says: “I'm sorry, but I can't just do that! If you really want to EARN those flags, you'll have to beat me off in a dance-off for them!” Marlene groans, but then she sighs, and says: “Very well. If I must, I must!” King Julien says: “We will dance and sing to a song originally by David Lee Roth off of his Skyscraper album! Do you know the song, Hot Dog and a Shake?!” Marlene says: “Fortunately, I KNEW that listening to all of Captain Retro's song play-list would eventually pay off! So I actually do!” King Julien says: “Good! Then let's get MOVING!” /

Genre: Hard Rock. Sub-genre: Glam Metal. Song: “Hot Dog and a Shake.” Sung by: Marlene, King Julien, Snaptrap, and Chameleon! / During this montage, while King Julien and Marlene dance-off against each other, scenes of Skipper fighting Hans, Chameleon fighting Snaptrap, Rocko collecting his flags, Patrick and Pearl finding their flags, and Otto racing against Twister can be seen! / Marlene: “I see ya shake and shimmy 'cross the burger shop floor!” King Julien: “I never seen a woman move so slow!” Snaptrap: “I'm dyin', french-fryin', by the seat of my pants!” King Julien: “Take a bite of double fries; swear to god, it make ya late for the dance, yeah!” Marlene: “Here's one for the road! One shot for the real go-getter!” (Chameleon turns into a muscle-bound rabbit!) Snaptrap: “Silly rabbit, you know just what it takes!” Marlene: “A hot dog and a shake! That's what you're hungry for! A hot dog and a shake!” King Julien: “My stomach's makin' noise, I'm having dinner late! 'Cause I gotta be kept in a cool, dry place!” Marlene: “Just like any bowl of cherries; when the cream is risin' to the top!” Chameleon to Snaptrap: “You find your real bottom line is when your spine snap, crackle and pops, pal!” Marlene: “Give me one to go! Hey buddy, take a number!” King Julien: “She can't say no to what it takes!” Marlene: “A hot dog and a shake! That's what you're hungry for! A hot dog and a shake!” (Guitar solo) Marlene: “I'm more that just a victim of a hungry heart!” Snaptrap, delirious: “Kiss me quick, I'm double parked!” Marlene: “Just like any bowl of cherries; when the cream is risin' to the top!” Chameleon to Snaptrap: “You find your real bottom line, is when your spine snap, crackle and pops, pal!” Marlene: “Give me one to go! Hey buddy, take a number!” King Julien: “She can't say no to what it takes!” Marlene and Chameleon: “A hot dog and a shake! (What are you hungry for?!) A hot dog and a shake! (Well, well, well!)” Marlene: “A hot dog and a shake! That's what you're hungry for! A hot dog and a shake! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Oh!” /

And the epic song ends as Chameleon finishes fighting, Skipper finishes fighting, Rocko finishes collecting, and Marlene has CLEARLY out-danced King Julien! King Julien says: “Wow! I can't believe it! I didn't think it was possible, but you out-danced me, fair and square!” Marlene says: “Well, you didn't think I spent my time in Hollywood, California resting on my laurels, did you?” King Julien hands Marlene the five yellow flags, and he says: “Here are your yellow flags, you won them fair and square! Now go and help Skipper WIN this thing!” Marlene says: “I plan to!” Marlene activates her communicator, and she says: “Skipper, I just got five of our flags!” And over the communicator, Skipper says: “And I just won the other six!” Marlene says: “Perfect, we can head out for the exit, now!” Skipper says: “I'll see you there!” (Confessional) Marlene says: “Honestly? I can't say the song we chose was one that I personally would have picked, but it's hard to argue with the King's opinion. And since I DID win the dance-off against him, I can't really argue with the results!” / Skipper says: “Hopefully, my combat skills over Hans today, has proven to him once and for all, that I'm the superior bird!” (End Confessional) / Rocko gets down off the rocky wall, and he activates the communicator! Rocko says: “Reggie, I just found seven of our flags!” Heffer says: “I helped, to!” Reggie says: “I found the other seven!” Rocko says: “Perfect! You can head for the exit, now!” Reggie says: “I'm already on my way!” Rocko says: “Well Heffer, it was great seeing you again, but I must get on my way!” Heffer says: “Okay, Rocko! I'll be cheering for you and Reggie at the finale!” Rocko says: “I know you will!” (Confessional) Reggie says: “Some people might find cave challenges really challenging, but those people aren't me! I know how to handle those challenges, and any other challenges that come my way!” / Rocko says: “I'm proud of the way Reggie and I have handled today's challenges! We're really at the top of our game! We have proven that there is nothing out there that can distract us!” (End Confessional) / Patrick activates his communicator, and he says: “Pearl, I found two of our flags!” Pearl says: “And I found the other two!” Patrick asks: “Did you run into any distractions?” Pearl says: “Just Girly TeenGirl, but I told her that she HAD to go shopping, because her purse did NOT go with her outfit!” Patrick says: “Clever! I'll see you at the entrance!” (Confessional) Patrick says: “I bet MORE former contestants are WISHING that they had supported me NOW! It almost scares me how easy today's challenge was for me!” / Pearl says: “I wish I could say that talking to Girly was interesting, but it wasn't! You REALLY didn't miss anything!” (End Confessional) /

Chameleon activates his communicator, and he says: “Dudley, I just found four of our flags.” / Dudley says: “And I found something interesting! Keswick was supposed to be MY distraction, but he says that he wants to use his scientific prowess to help me discover our four remaining flags!” Keswick says: “Anything to help out my fellow partners in crime-fighting!” / Chameleon says: “Good! I'll head for the exit, and I'll wait for you there!” (Confessional) Chameleon says: “It's good to have friends in high places that you can count on! With Keswick's help, winning should be a SNAP!!!!” / Dudley says: “I don't know why, but even though statistically speaking, Chameleon and I SHOULD be in a good spot, I just have this WEIRD feeling that our well-laid plans are about to go astray.” (End Confessional) / Lil leads Suzie to what appears to be a dead end, and Suzie says: “Your instincts were right! My communicator shows all FIVE of my flags, right behind that giant boulder! But how do we get them?!” Lil says: “There's no obstacle that I can't get past!” And Lil reaches into her back-pack, and unloads a RIDICULOUS amount of DYNAMITE! Suzie shouts: “WOAH!!!! Are you sure that's SAFE?!” Lil says: “Who knows?! All I know is, it will be FUN! Cause Mad Dog Hoek, is loco for BOOM-BOOM!!!!” And she presses down the plunger, but nothing HAPPENS! Suzie looks to the camera, and she says: “Well, folks, it seems as though we're experiencing some technical difficul--.” (BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) And nearly HALF of the uninhabited sections of the Tatra mountain range are BLOWN away!!!! Sniz SEES the action from the plane, and he asks: “Lil Deville, why do you ALWAYS have to over-do the explosive effects?”

Lil says: “Whoo-hoo! That fake-out GAG explosion NEVER gets old!!!!” Suzie says: “Well, at least you found my flags!” Suzie activates her communicator, and says: “Otto, I just FOUND all of our flags, no thanks to you!” Otto says: “Are you KIDDING me?! Than what was the purpose of ME trashing Twister's BUTT in what USED to be a closed cave system?!” Suzie says: “Just admit it! You let your addiction for competing and having to PROVE your better than everyone else get the best of you AGAIN!!!! Now hurry up and meet me at the ACTUAL entrance, before we get our butts kicked!” Otto groans, and he says: “Yes, sir!” Suzie yells: “And don't EVER call me, SIR!!!!” (Confessional) Suzie says: “Honestly, what's the POINT of having Otto around, if I STILL end up having to do all the actual leg work?! I wonder if Tina Turner ever had days like this?” / Otto says: “Some days, you just can't win for losing! Sometimes, I wonder just WHY I love Suzie so much! Than I remember her awesome voice, her cool attitude, and her UNDYING love for me, and it makes the occasional criticisms I get from her all worth it in the end!” (End Confessional) Sniz is standing at the cave entrance with Gordon Quid! Gordon says: “I think I hear some contestants coming!” Sniz says: “And I SEE some contestants coming! And out of the cave first with all fourteen of their flags, it's Reggie and Rocko! Followed by Skipper and Marlene with all eleven of their flags! And here's Patrick and Pearl with their four flags! And here's Suzie and Otto with their FIVE flags!” Chameleon comes out, and he says: “But, where is Dudley?!” Gordon says: “Uh-oh! Better call Wanda!” Wanda appears, and she says: “You called?” Gordon says: “Yeah, I think you need to poof Dudley and Keswick here!” Wanda says: “Got it!” And she materializes a BADLY charred Dudley and Keswick to the cave, and Keswick's clothes have also been COMPLETELY disintegrated, adding insult to injury! Keswick says: “Blast it! Even after all my research and finding all of Dudley's flags successfully, Lil Deville's STUPID explosion completely DISINTEGRATED ours, leaving us NOTHING to show for our work!” Sniz says: “Sorry, Keswick. You knew the risks of agreeing to be a distraction ALONG with Lil Deville! I'm afraid your failure is all on you! And Chameleon, since you arrived last AND failed to collect all of your flags, I'm afraid this is where the ride for you and Dudley ends! But don't worry, you're not leaving empty handed. We're already aware of the deal you have set up. So Chameleon, you, Dudley, Keswick, and Kitty, each get $10 million each, which is $40 million split between you in four, even ways!” Chameleon happily tears up, and he says: “$10 million?! Dreams DO come true!” Sniz says: “Wanda, take Dudley and Keswick to medical, just to be on the safe side, and poof Chameleon to the Finale setting!”

Wanda says: “You got it!” Chameleon says: “Good-bye, you guys! Good luck in the Final Four!” And Dudley, Keswick, and Chameleon are warped out of there! Sniz says: “And with that, we are down to the Final Four! Reggie, Suzie, Skipper, and Patrick! Each one of them is now guaranteed at least a pay-off, of $41 million in cold, hard cash! But only one of them will win the grand prize of $44.44 million! Find out who will be eliminated next, as we continue our exciting semi-final challenges, in Total Cartoon Global Cruise!” / Epilogue: A montage of scenes, showing the best moments of Chameleon and Dudley (especially when they're loving each other), are shown to the tune of a rocking Van Halen song from 1988! / Genre: Hard Rock. Sub-genre (Van Halen) Power Ballad. Song: “When It's Love.” Performed by: Van Halen! / Sammy Hagar: “Everybody's lookin' for somethin'. Somethin' to fill in the holes. We think a lot, but don't talk much about it. 'Til things get out of control. How do I know when it's love? I can't tell you, but it lasts forever. How does it feel when it's love? It's just something you feel together, when it's love. You look at every face in a crowd, some shine and some keep you guessin'. Waiting for someone to come into focus; teach you, your final love lesson. How do I know when it's love? I can't tell you, but it lasts forever. How does it feel when it's love? It's just something you feel together. Oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh, when it's love! Oh, oh, oh, oh, you can feel it, yeah! Oh, oh, oh, oh! Nothing's missing, yeah! Oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh! Nothing's missing! How do I know when it's love? I can't tell you, but it lasts forever. How does it feel when it's love? I can't tell you, but it lasts forever. When it's love! When it's love, it'll last forever! When it's love; you and I, we're gonna feel this thing together. When it's love! When it's love, you can feel it! We'll make it last forever! When it's love!” /

Episode Notes: Featured music in this episode, is “Knucklebones; Hot Dog and a Shake; Just Like Paradise” (also the episode title), and “When It's Love.” Cameo appearances from characters include Gordon Quid, Hans the Puffin, Heffer Wolfe, Sam the Squid, Snaptrap, Keswick, Twister, King Julien, Lil Deville, Bubble Bass, and Girly Teengirl is also mentioned, but not seen. Otto joins the game as Suzie's partner. Chameleon and Dudley are automatically eliminated in this challenge, but are awarded the $40 million grand prize for coming in fifth place, which is split four ways into $10 million, for Chameleon, Dudley, Keswick, and Kitty.

Personal Notes: Even though I'm at the tail end of this long season, I don't want to just rush the final episodes out, I want to take the special time and care I need to craft every single episode as good as I possibly can! Believe it or not, the idea to have the contestants go to Slovakia and explore the cave system, actually came from an animated episode of “Yoo-Hoo and Friends”, where the main characters of that series actually DID go into a cave system of Slovakia, and explore it thoroughly. Also, another reason why this episode took longer to write than the others, is the fact that I REALLY had to do my research on this one, as I wanted to be certain that I wasn't making anything up, other than what I had to, in order for this episode to work! As for Chameleon's story, I always wanted to do a season long arc of a villain turning over a new leaf, and deciding to become a good guy, and Chameleon was the best character I could think of, who could accomplish that role! His story took him as far as it could, and now we are down to the Final Four, and it's STILL anyone's game! / That's my episode idea for this time! Enough said, true believers! 

[Rebel the Wolfgirl]

Cosmic Guardians: Part II

 

Previously on Power Rangers: Multiverse Force…

 

For 24 days after the cataclysmic battle between the Daemons of the Warp and the forces of Emperor Diabolica, the Rangers knew peace, for the first time in a long while. They all returned to their normal lives, though all of them had a feeling the peace would not last. Kras’hir, frustrated with being unable to see Usagi for long periods of time, forged a glamor ring which allowed her to take on any form she wished. She and Usagi spent part of that day together, peacefully, until an old enemy of Usagi returned: Queen Beryl.

 

The Queen, having gained a powerful ally in the form of the sorcerer known as Ahzek Ahriman, unleashed her energy-devouring shadow creatures, known as youma, on Coastal Falls. Kras’hir fought them for a while, before being overwhelmed. After Usagi was forced to flee, a voice spoke in her head. He told her that he was the God-Emperor of Mankind, mentioned briefly by Omnus and Kras’hir. He also informed her that she gained her abilities as Sailor Moon through being gifted with His Light, making her, for lack of a better term, his daughter. Her power unleashed, she burned the youma away with ease. Upon being brought back along with other Rangers, she was appointed White Ranger, and leader of the team.

 

She was gifted with a Cosmorpher, which allowed her to channel her energy into the White Ranger suit, along with a powerful sword known as the Full Moon Blade. She was then informed about her “brothers”, the Primarchs. Overwhelmed, she and Kras’hir left for a walk so she could clear her head, before the youma returned. Usagi used the Full Moon Blade to drive them away, but accidentally caught Kras’hir in the blast of energy, setting the Daemoness ablaze. Upon returning to base, and getting Kras’hir to medbay, the slumbering Daemoness had an oddly prophetic dream, where she was told by Angron, Primarch of the World Eaters, that Core Earth would fall. Omnus, upon being informed of this, gathered the Rangers, as well as Hedrian, in order to discuss a plan.

 

Before much could be said, however, the wall exploded, and Angron entered, flanked by World Eaters….and greeted Usagi as his sister.

 

Angron was still grinning, thirty seconds after he had spoken. He watched the Rangers closely. His World Eaters stood off to the side, waiting to see how the situation would unfold. Usagi got into a fighting position, and whispered fiercely, “You are not welcome, Primarch of Khorne.”

 

“Yeah, what she said!” replied Toby.

 

“I suggest you leave now before you get what’s coming to you.” said Naruto.

 

“Yeah!” said Pinkie and Lettuce. “Leave!”

 

Omnus and Hedrian, who both knew well how bad of an idea it was to enrage Angron, kept silent. The Primarch, for his part, was more amused than anything.

 

“And if I don't leave? What will you do then?”

 

“In the name of my Father, the Emperor…” Usagi said, drawing the Full Moon Blade. “I will punish you.”

 

Angron stared her down, before drawing his own blade. It was a massive two-handed sword, sharpened to a fine point, which Angron called Bloodknife. He ran his hand along the edge, causing red flames to ignite along the blade. Usagi briefly panicked, then took deep breaths to calm herself. “You think your blade can defeat our Father’s Light? It seems you’d like a challenge.”

 

“His precious Light didn't stop Horus from breaking Him, did it?” Angron growled, rage beginning to creep into his mind. He raised his blade. “Come at me, sister. Let us see who is truly favored by the gods.” Usagi nodded, rushing forward with her blade in hand. He met her midway. Their first clash sent him sliding backwards, and her flying back. The other Rangers rushed to her aid.

 

“Are you OK, Usagi?” Ebony asked.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” she replied, getting up. “I can still beat him. Just watch.” Usagi then rushed forward, and unleashed her full might on Angron. When the light faded, the Primarch was kneeling, his entire body covered in burns and his armor on fire. Usagi walked over to him, and said, “I could kill you right here, but I won’t.”

 

Angron looked at her. The rage was now fully in control, driven by the Butcher Nails implanted in his brain. He gripped his blade tightly, before throwing back his head and bellowing loudly, the sound filled with bloodlust and hate. His entire body burst into flames, and he sheathed Bloodknife, seemingly content to kill them all with his bare hands. Angron stood, and snarled, “Father’s Light means nothing in the face of Chaos. You will soon learn that truth, child.”

 

“That’s where you’re wrong. The Light is in everyone. Granted, it isn’t about having power; it’s about being kind to others and standing up for what is right. That’s why I won’t kill you, Angron. You’re my family. And a family always looks out for each other.” Upon mentioning these last words, she stared at the Rangers.

 

“You really think that, Usagi?” Pinkie asked. “You really, honestly, consider us a family?”

 

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I?” At this, Pinkie and the others joined her in a group hug.

 

Hedrian said, “This is touching, really, but if you all don't get your heads out of your asses and start running, you'll be turned into smears on Angron’s fists.”

 

With that, she ran like Hell. Angron didn't even notice. He glared at the Rangers, before bellowing again, the flames across his body flaring up. Naruto just grinned cockily.

 

“Here’s the thing: we don’t run from a fight.” With that Usagi struck the ground with her sword, wondering what it might do. It turned out that this move created white-hot flames between Angron and the Rangers. Angron walked right through them, before slamming both fists into the floor next to the Rangers, both creating a blast of flame and making the whole room quake. They fell back, all except Usagi running to avoid the raging behemoth that was Angron. “USAGI!” Lettuce yelled. “THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!? RUN!”

 

Usagi said nothing, just turning to Angron and whispering a prayer to her Father. “O, Mighty Emperor of Mankind, I ask for your guidance in banishing Your fallen son back into Khorne’s domain.” With a yell, she ran towards her ‘brother’, and struck him once more. For a brief moment, the rage left him, and Angron was scared. Scared and remorseful. He whispered, “I am sorry, sister. Forgive me...”

 

Usagi could see that this was no act. This was true, genuine fear. “...” She said nothing as the blade struck Angron’s armor. The flames went out, and the Primarch fell to his knees once again. He felt...peace, for the first time in eons. Was he dead?, Usagi wondered. Hopefully not; she didn’t really have it in her heart to kill one of her ‘brothers’, fallen or not. Angron spoke, his voice free of rage and hate, “T-thank you, sister…”

 

“F-for what? What’s going to happen to you?”

 

“You have cut the connection between myself and the Blood God, or, at least, weakened it. I still feel the urge to fight and kill, but I no longer feel forced to do it.”

 

“Are you...dying?”

 

“No. I'm...I’m free.” Angron whispered, amazed.

 

“So…”

 

“So? That means he’s good now.” Toby said. “Showing kindness can work wonders, can’t it?”

 

“Exactly!” said Pinkie. “Ask my friend Fluttershy, she’ll tell you the same thing!” Usagi just looked at the Rangers, then Angron.

 

“Yeah, I guess so.”

 

Angron chuckled. “I likely still do not fit your definition of good, but I am a slave no longer.”

 

“That’s all that matters to us.” said Naruto. “And we’d like to ask a favor of you.” He wasn’t sure how to address Angron, so he left it there.

 

“Will you swear loyalty to your sister, and help us defeat her greatest foe?” Toby asked.

 

Angron stood tall. “I will not bow to anyone...but I will help you, sister.”

 

Usagi hugged him, despite the size difference. “Thanks!”

 

He had never been hugged in his life, so he patted her head awkwardly.

 

“Now,” said Naruto. “Let’s go take care of that youma. It’ll be easier now that it doesn’t have arms or legs.”

 

“It's...already...dead.”

 

It was Kras’hir who had spoken, limping into the room. Naruto turned around, a bit surprised.

 

“It’s already dead?”

 

“Yes. I felt it die.”

 

“Damn!” muttered Naruto. “We won’t get to show off our new powers after all, huh?”

 

“Don’t worry.” said Usagi. “We’ll get to soon enough.”

 

“The good news is,” said Pinkie. “We cut off Khorne’s link to Angron.”

 

“Or at the very least, weakened it.” Lettuce clarified.

 

“New powers?” Kras’hir asked. “How much did I miss?”

 

“You missed a lot.” said Usagi, giggling and walking over.

 

“Oh, really? Do tell.” Usagi told her everything, including about how the other Rangers were to receive new morphers just like hers when Angron had arrived.

 

Omnus said, “Funnily enough, I don't remember saying that. There are no other morphers,  Usagi.”

 

“There aren’t? Oh, I just figured that since we all got similar morphers and powers when we first became Rangers…”

 

“Your Cosmorpher was created by the Emperor Himself, Usagi. He meant for you to have it, and you alone. The Full Moon Blade is also unique, as He started forging it, while Primarch Guilliman and I finished it not long ago, following His instructions, left behind eons ago.”

 

“So, if we don’t get new morphers...what will we use to transform?” Lettuce asked. Kras’hir facepalmed.

 

“Are you deaf? Do you not remember the ritual I intended to perform?”

 

“Oh, right.” Lettuce faceflippered. “Sorry. Are you still able to do it?”

 

Kras’hir sat down. “I will be. Come here, Usagi, if you please.” Usagi did so, sitting next to her girlfriend.

 

“You are beautiful, you know.” Usagi responded with a light kiss. Once she pulled away, the Rangers observed the ritual. Kras’hir closed her eyes, holding her girfriend close.

 

“I want you all to do exactly as I say, alright?”

 

“All right.” the other Rangers said.

 

“Repeat everything I say. Everything. Understand? This is very important.”

 

“Repeat everything I say. Everything. Understand? This is very important.” said Toby and Lettuce, only to receive slaps from Naruto.

 

“Prince, Changer, Father, Lord, we recognize Thy power, and acknowledge Thee as the only true Gods.”

 

“Prince, Changer, Father, Lord, we recognize Thy power, and acknowledge Thee as the only true Gods.”

 

“We renounce the False Emperor and all of His machinations. We spit upon His name, for He is nothing but a dead God from a long-forgotten age.”

 

This made them hesitate a bit, inwardly pained at the phrase. “We renounce the False Emperor and all of His machinations. We spit upon His name, for He is nothing but a dead God from a long-forgotten age.”

 

“Lord Khorne, hear us, You who despise the coward, the deserter, the pacifist. You care not for temples and ceremonies, only for the spilling of blood and taking of skulls. Death is all the worship You require. Lord of Battle, God of Blood, hear us now.”

 

“Lord Khorne, hear us, You who despise the coward, the deserter, the pacifist. You care not for temples and ceremonies, only for the spilling of blood and taking of skulls. Death is all the worship You require. Lord of Battle, God of Blood, hear us now.”

 

“Lord Slaanesh, Prince of Pleasure and She Who Thirsts. All that You care for is those who follow You seeking out whatever brings them pleasure, or pain. You care not whether this form of worship comes from killing, hurting, or fucking. Pleasure is all the worship You require. Prince of Pain, Lady of Delights, hear us now.”

 

“Lord Slaanesh, Prince of Pleasure and She Who Thirsts. All that You care for is those who follow You seeking out whatever brings them pleasure, or pain. You care not whether this form of worship comes from killing, hurting, or fucking. Pleasure is all the worship You require. Prince of Pain, Lady of Delights, hear us now.”

 

“Lord Nurgle, Lord of Plagues, Ender of All Things. You seek to bring all living things into Your fetid embrace, and be a Father to all who come to You. You share Your gifts with all who will receive them, and, in time, will share them with all. Embrace of plague is all the worship you require. Father of Disease, Grandfather, hear us now.”

 

“Lord Nurgle, Lord of Plagues, Ender of All Things. You seek to bring all living things into Your fetid embrace, and be a Father to all who come to You. You share Your gifts with all who will receive them, and, in time, will share them with all. Embrace of plague is all the worship you require. Father of Disease, Grandfather, hear us now.”

 

“Lord Tzeentch, Changer of Ways, Great Deceiver, You who craft schemes with ease and pull the strings of creation. All living things owe their current place to You, for they, and we, are naught but pawns. You know all, see all, and control all. Those who follow You accept their place, and are as cunning as You expect. Manipulation and treachery are all the worship You require. Master of Fates, Weaver of Lies, hear us now.”

 

“Lord Tzeentch, Changer of Ways, Great Deceiver, You who craft schemes with ease and pull the strings of creation. All living things owe their current place to You, for they, and we, are naught but pawns. You know all, see all, and control all. Those who follow You accept their place, and are as cunning as You expect. Manipulation and treachery are all the worship You require. Master of Fates, Weaver of Lies, hear us now.”

 

A moment of silence, then reality tore, and the Rangers, along with Kras’hir, were pulled into the Warp. It felt like a psychedelic experience, only amplified to infinite levels. Their senses were blown to massive proportions. They could smell colors, taste sounds…

 

“What’s going on?!” Naruto asked, terrified. Eventually, they ended up in what appeared to be a large room, with a table at the center, with four thrones around it. In them sat the Chaos Gods.

 

The Rangers approached them slowly. “Nice to see you again.” muttered Ebony. Khorne muttered a few curse words in her direction, Nurgle smiled, Tzeentch didn't react, and Slaanesh looked at her, winking.

 

“So, we have to strike some kind of deal?” Toby asked. Tzeentch nodded.

 

“Yes. A bargain has to be reached. Otherwise...We will claim your souls for wasting Our time.”

 

“All right.” said Naruto. “In exchange for giving us new powers, we will do whatever you ask in return.”

 

Khorne spoke, “Usagi Tsukino, step forward.”

 

Usagi did, putting on a face of bravery.

 

“Do you see the mark on the neck of Kras’hir?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Do you know what it means?”

 

“It’s Your Mark, right?”

 

“Yes. It grants strength and will to the one who bears it.”

 

“I understand that. Is it important?”

 

“You will receive one.”

 

Usagi’s eyes lit up. “Awesome!”

 

Tzeentch said, idly shuffling a deck of cards. “It is a double-edged sword, girl. You will gain might, but you will also begin to feel bloodlust.”

 

“My girlfriend feels bloodlust all the time. I’m willing to take that risk.”

 

Kras’hir turned to her. “Are you certain? The bloodlust will be constant and insatiable. If you go too long without killing…”

 

“...I’ll go berserk, I know. I’ll keep it check through the Command Center’s Simulation Planet. I’m still taking the risk.”

 

Khorne said, “Simulations will not be enough, whelp. Only real blood will be enough. But, your choice is made. My Mark is yours.”

 

With a wave of His hand, Khorne’s mark burnt into her back. Usagi shrieked in pain, falling to her knees. When the pain subsided, she rose. Kras’hir asked, “How do you feel?”

 

“...Like a warrior.”

 

Kras’hir shook her head. “No. I mean, how do you feel? Can you feel the call of war in your bones, yet? Do you feel the terrible beast that is your bloodlust and desire to kill, coiled, ready to strike at any time?”

 

She nodded, an uncharacteristically devilish grin plastered on. “The battle...it wants me.”

Kras’hir laughed, clapping her shoulder. “Now you understand how I can constantly want war.” Usagi slapped her on the back, laughing with her.

 

“Let’s go kill something.”

 

Khorne sent them to His Realm in order to sate their thirst for blood. Next was Naruto. Khorne said, “I will grant you power, Ranger...if you can best one of My Champions.”

 

“Challenge accepted, Lord Khorne.”

 

Khorne sent him off. “I will allow you to see him later, Rangers.” Ebony stepped forward...towards Slaanesh. She had no clue why, at least consciously. Slaanesh purred, “Come here, child.” She did, stepping closer, growing more curious. Slaanesh touched her cheek, Their hand gentle.

 

“Of all the members of your team, you are My favorite.”

 

“I am?” Ebony whispered, blushing.

 

Slaanesh nodded, smiling. “With all the dirty, depraved things you did while at Hogwarts, how could you not be?” Ebony blushed further, but there was a sort of sadness in her eyes, which did not go unnoticed by Slaanesh, who asked, “What troubles you?”

 

“...My nature as a vampire caused Blackhawk to break up with me…”

 

“Oh, well. Committed relationships are for the uncreative and simple souls who do not wish to experience all life has to offer.”

 

Ebony smiled, drying her tears. “...What must I do to gain Your favor?”

 

“You must never be in a monogamous relationship again, and always keep pushing the boundaries of what can be achieved through pleasure...or pain.”

 

“Yes, Slaanesh. I promise You.” The Prince of Pleasure smirked at this, marvelling at how easy it was to seduce a mortal into doing what They desired. “Will I need to do something to gain new powers from You?”

 

“You must do exactly as I just said. The rewards will come along with it.” Ebony nodded, and went to join Lettuce and Toby. Pinkie put a hoof on her muzzle, trying to decide which God to swear her loyalty to.

 

“Hmmm...Nurgle...Slaanesh...or Tzeentch…?” she wondered. Khorne was offended at being discounted, grumbling to Himself. “I’m not forgetting You, Mr. Khorne!” Pinkie sat on her haunches, pondering. She thought about going towards Slaanesh...on the other hand, she wanted to stay with Lettuce. Tzeentch grinned, a familiar coin, at least to her, appearing in His hand.

 

“What say you, little pony? Shall I flip this coin from your homeland to determine Who you attempt to curry favor with?”

 

“Sure! I LOVE heads or tails!”

 

Tzeentch chuckled. “Heads, you come to me. Tails, you go to Nurgle.”

 

Tzeentch flipped the coin, before showing it to her. “...Tails!” Pinkie cheered, bouncing over to Nurgle. He smiled warmly. “Ah, it is good to see you again, little one!”

 

“It’s good to see you too!” Pinkie said, wanting to hug Nurgle but understandably scared she’d catch something. The Plague Lord clapped His hands together. “You're scared of Me! Well, I don't wish to scare you, little one. Tell you what: I will give you the power you desire, and all you have to do is sample one tiny plague.”

 

“...O-Okay.” Pinkie said, laughing nervously. He pulled out His mixing spoon, pouring a dark brown substance over her head. Immediately, the plague began doing it’s work. Sores appeared all over her skin, weeping pus and blood. Swarms of flies buzzed around her, growing rapidly and exiting the sores in a grotesque parody of birth. Her stomach tossed and turned, everything she had eaten recently moving up her throat. Her bowels and bladder also let go, coating the ground behind and beneath her with waste and urine. Lettuce, Toby, and Ebony vomited in reaction, Pinkie just groaning in pain.

 

Nurgle shook His head. “No, no, no! It is still imperfect! Damn My slipping hands!”

 

He clenched His fist, and all evidence of the plague vanished. Pinkie instantly felt better, and she bounced happily back to her remaining friends. Lettuce and Toby decided they’d swear loyalty to Tzeentch, since they shared the position of second-in-command and to some degree, tech specialist of the team.

 

Tzeentch was...amused by them. He could tell they both thought themselves quite important, though neither would admit it. There was also a bit of mutual enmity over having to share a position of power...but that was something to be explored, and exploited, at a later time. He went back to shuffling cards.

 

“What is it you two desire, really?

 

“Honestly...as much as we enjoy sharing not one, but two, positions of power…” began Toby.

 

“...we both want to be important.” Lettuce finished. The Fate Weaver nodded.

 

“You resent the fact that Usagi is team leader now, don't you?” He asked.

 

“...No.” Toby denied.

 

“I certainly don’t.” Lettuce said.

 

“Ah. You're both smarter than I thought. You know she'd kill you if you tried to take her place, considering her...new allegiance.”

 

They nodded. “The fact that Naruto is second-in-command now kinda bugs me, honestly.” said Toby. Tzeentch nodded knowingly, suppressing a smirk. This was too easy…

 

“What if I told you I could grant you both the power to not only help defeat Queen Beryl, but also take Naruto’s place as second-in-command?”

 

“You mean betray him?” Toby asked, much to the alarm of Lettuce. Tzeentch rolled His eyes.

 

“No, you naive fool. I mean impress Usagi enough that she appoints you both to higher positions.”

 

“That does sound tempting…” said Toby.

 

“...but it sounds very Faustian.” interrupted Lettuce.

 

“Ah, so you understand how this works. The ‘deal with the Devil.’”

 

“Being raised in high society has its perks.” Lettuce said. “What will we have to give You in exchange?”

 

Tzeentch grinned. “My dear boy, the scheming will be enough. I have orchestrated every aspect of your lives since the day of your birth. This is merely another cog in the machine of plans I am operating.”

 

“Deal.” said Toby. Tzeentch’s grin widened. “Excellent.”

 

He gave them His Mark. Toby and Lettuce nodded. As Toby joined Pinkie and Ebony, he couldn’t help but notice how...attractive the latter was. He asked, without thinking, “Wanna make out?”, much to Lettuce and Pinkie’s bewilderment. Tzeentch cursed, tossing a glowing object to Slaanesh, who smirked. Toby and Ebony began making out, as Lettuce just stared, slack-jawed.

 

Khorne snorted in disgust, turning His gaze toward His own Realm, looking upon Kras’hir and Usagi. The Daemoness was roaring, her blades coated in blood and gore, her armor a similar shade of red. Usagi was gaining a strange enjoyment of killing other Daemons. Naruto, meanwhile, was in fierce combat with one of Khorne’s Champions. Thousands of Daemons watched, bellowing. His opponent was a mighty Herald of Khorne named Gresh’kar. Naruto’s combat skills, combined with his more...demonic side and the weakened Mark of Khorne, given for this battle only, was beyond impressive. Still, Gresh’kar was old and mighty, and fought back just as fiercely, inflicting deep wounds that would ache for months to come. Naruto roared fiercely, attacking with all his might.

 

Gresh’kar took the blow, blood spraying. He bellowed, before beginning to savagely beat Naruto. He did this until his opponent was unable to fight back any longer, then bowed out of respect, his own wounds still leaking blood.

 

“Our Lord favors you, Red Ranger. That is clear in how fiercely you fight.” Naruto was in such immense pain, all he could do was groan. Gresh’kar helped him up, then clapped his shoulder.

 

“I hope we meet again.”

 

Khorne pulled Naruto back to where He was. He said, “You did not win, but you fought well. My favor is yours.”

 

“Ow…” Naruto could see that Ebony, Lettuce, Toby, and Pinkie were playing poker with Tzeentch, Slaanesh, and Nurgle...sorta. Pinkie and Nurgle were playing Go Fish, Toby and Lettuce were playing actual poker with Tzeentch. And Ebony made out with Slaanesh. “...the fuck…?”

 

It was at that moment that Kras’hir and Usagi returned. Kras’hir had several new trophies, the freshly taken heads hanging from a belt around her waist. She was drenched in blood, grinning widely. Usagi was equally as drenched and grinning. “That was fun!”

 

Her hair, tied into a braid when they arrived, was now undone, free to flow down over her back. The Full Moon Blade was completely covered in the blood of those she had killed, as was her face and hands. “Think I should keep my hair down like this?”

 

Kras’hir was too busy staring at her to answer. “Helloooo? Warp to Kras’hir?”

 

Kras’hir answered her question by pulling Usagi into a deep kiss. Usagi kissed back, and said, “We do this a lot, don’t we?”

 

“Yep. You complaining?”

 

“Nope.” She then looked at the other Rangers. “...The hell am I watching?”

 

Khorne said, looking at her, “Disgusting, isn't it?”

 

“Not really. Just odd…”

 

The Blood God then said, “You have learned to enjoy killing now, haven't you? Before, it was a duty. Now…”

 

“...I love it. It’s amazing how Kras’hir and I are starting to bond further.”

 

“Have you felt the rage of the berserker yet? Have you been so lost in the heat of battle that you just had to keep killing until the rage was dulled?” Usagi nodded.

 

Khorne noticed the bloodthirsty grin still on her face, as well as the belt of trophies that went from her shoulder to her waist. Usagi had an assortment of body parts, ranging from skulls to hands and feet. It was rather impressive. Kras’hir, as expected, was impressed, laughing and putting a hand on Usagi’s shoulder.

 

“You did well.”

 

“Thanks. So did you.”

 

The Daemoness laughed harder. “Oh, there is nothing I love more than war. Well, except for you.” Usagi just grinned wider, as Naruto kept groaning in pain. Kras’hir kicked him in the side.

 

“Get up, whelp.” He did so, holding his side. Tzeentch, meanwhile, had won at poker. Again. Lettuce and Toby were impressed that He had figured out their strategies, Ebony just making out with Slaanesh. Nurgle clapped His hands together, looking at Usagi and Kras’hir, the game of Go Fish briefly forgotten.

 

“It does make Me happy to see two souls so in love.”

 

“Me too.” said Pinkie, who had won at their game of Go Fish a while ago. Nurgle grumbled, sliding over what He had bet: A platter of cakes Isha had made for Him. Pinkie gobbled them down. “You must give me the recipe sometime!”

 

Nurgle nodded. “Isha was wrong on one thing when she talked with you and your friends: Love falls under My domain. Passion belongs to Slaanesh, though the two are often linked.”

 

Pinkie said nothing, just staring at Usagi and Kras’hir. The two were...dancing. Slow dancing, to be more specific. Khorne swore, tossing an ornate dagger to Slaanesh, who caught it without looking. Ebony stared at her God. “What’s that for?” she asked.

 

Slaanesh turned to watch the two dance. “That, My dear, is a lover’s dance, a dance of passion and seduction. The dagger was what Khorne bet, claiming that they were not, in fact, in love, merely fucking and fighting together.” Ebony smirked.

 

“His loss.” Khorne flipped her off in return, having heard what they were saying. Ebony flipped Him off back, still smirking. Slaanesh, knowing how enraged Khorne was getting, smirked as well. Khorne trembled with anger, but restrained Himself. Ebony wrapped her legs around Slaanesh seductively.

 

Nurgle groaned unhappily, having lost. Again. “YAY! I WIN!” Pinkie cheered. Nurgle slid over another platter of cakes, cursing to Himself. Pinkie gobbled them down once more, distracted by Ebony doing a lap dance for Slaanesh. “Wow, she’s good.”

 

Tzeentch noticed the utterly bored expression on Slaanesh’s face. As did Nurgle, who chuckled a bit. “Not exciting enough for you, O Prince of Painful Raptures?”

 

Slaanesh rolled Their eyes. “At least I experience excitement, unlike You. All You do is toil around Your plague-filled pot and walk through that disgusting Garden.”

 

Nurgle responded, “Ah, I get it. I took Isha away from you, and like an Eldar princeling who lost his favorite toy You. Can't. Handle. It.”

 

Tzeentch rolled His eyes, sighing. “Here we go…”

 

Slaanesh replied angrily, “She was mine! My captive, to do with as I pleased! It was not Your place to steal her away from Me, Lord of Plagues!”

 

“I saved her from whatever indignities You had in store for her!”

 

“And where she is now is better? A goddess of healing stuck in a plague-infested Garden. What cruel irony. Almost admirable, really. I could hardly think of a worse fate Myself.”

 

“I LOVE HER, DAMN YOU!”

 

And off the two went, exchanging insults at a steadily increasing volume. Ebony tried in vain to keep up her dancing for Slaanesh, to no avail. Khorne eventually put an end to the shouting match by slamming His fist into the arm of His chair.

 

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” The enraged Blood God bellowed at a deafening volume. The argument instantly stopped, Nurgle rubbing His neck sheepishly. Slaanesh merely glared at Khorne, shoving Ebony off Their lap. She just got up, dusted herself off, and sat somewhere. Kras’hir and Usagi were still dancing, completely unfazed by what had just happened. Kras’hir was a bit awkward, as she had never danced before. Usagi, who had once danced with Mamoru at a fancy ball early in her career as Sailor Moon, taught her how.

 

“Why do mortals do this? I don't see the point.”

 

“We dance because it’s fun.”

 

“Fun?” Kras'hir repeated, incredulous.

 

“Yeah, fun.”

 

“Who did you dance with before? You've clearly had experience.”

 

“...Mamoru.” Usagi whispered.

 

“Oh...shit, I'm sorry.”

 

“Why?”

 

“It's my fault he's dead, remember?”

 

“No, it isn’t. Tzeentch tricked you.” Usagi said. “...Mamoru is still alive…”

 

“...How?”

 

“...I’m not sure, but I just know he is...somewhere…”

 

Nurgle called out, softly, “Usagi...close your eyes and turn towards Me, alright? Only open them when I say. No peeking!” Usagi nodded, closing her eyes. After a minute, Nurgle told her to open them. She did, and was surprised by what she saw. A familiar face stood in front of her, smiling gently: Mamoru. Usagi stared, her mouth open in surprise.

 

“It...it can’t be…”

 

He chuckled. “I'm as surprised as you are, Usagi. It's good to see you.”

 

“Are you real…? Or just some kind of illusion?”

 

“I'm real, believe me.” Usagi slowly reached out, and touched him. He was, indeed, real. Trying to hold back tears, Usagi hugged him.

 

“...I missed you…”

 

He smiled again, hugging her back. “I missed you, too.” Usagi stared at him, blushing.

 

“I’m sorry...I didn’t want to leave you…”

 

“It's alright. I would never try to stop you from doing what you felt you needed to, Usagi.”

 

“You wouldn’t?”

 

He shook his head. “If you're doing something heroic, or something that makes you happy, then who am I to stop you?” Usagi continued looking at him. He had a point.

 

“...I still love you, deep down…” she whispered. Unfortunately for her, Kras’hir heard that. She blinked, before turning on her heel and walking away from them, upset. Usagi turned around, and shouted, “W-wait, Kras’hir! I didn’t mean…!”

 

Kras’hir ignored her, beginning to drink. Usagi soon caught up with her, and sighed. “Kras’hir, I didn’t mean it like that…”

 

“Really? Then how did you mean it?” the Daemoness asked, growling a bit. Usagi paused, not realizing what she had said.

 

“...I-I…”

 

Kras’hir snorted, “That's what I thought. I was just second best, was that it? You couldn't fuck your precious Mamoru, so you took me as a consolation prize?” This hit Usagi hard, and she started crying softly.

 

“No...no…”

 

Kras’hir slammed her fist into the table in front of her. “Then why. Did. You. Say. It?”

 

“I don’t know!” Usagi lied through her tears.

 

Kras’hir laughed, seeing right through it. “And here I thought we could tell each other everything.” Usagi only broke down further, letting the waterworks flow.

 

“I’M SORRY! I STILL LOVE YOU!” The irony wasn't lost on the Daemoness. Usagi kept crying until her eyes were red, unsure of what to do. When her tears were spent, she went somewhere quiet to think. Mamoru went with her, sitting down when she did. “I don’t know what to do...on one hand, I still have feelings for you, and on the other, I have feelings for Kras’hir…”

 

He was silent for a moment. “Can you do something for me?”

 

“Anything.”

 

“I want you to close your eyes, and tell me the first person that pops into your mind. Don't think about it too hard.” Usagi closed her eyes, breathed slowly, and said:

 

“Kras’hir.”

 

“Now, I want you to imagine yourself, ten or so years from now, with children. Who's helping you raise them?”

 

“...Kras’hir…” she repeated.

 

“Your wedding day. Who's the lucky guy, or girl, standing in front of you, saying their vows?”

 

Usagi realized Mamoru’s point, but she answered, “Kras’hir…”

 

He asked gently, “So, who is it you're in love with, really?”

 

“Her.”

 

Mamoru pulled her into a gentle hug. “Do you feel better now?” She nodded, wrapping her arms around him.

 

“But, what about us? Aren’t we destined to be together?”

 

He shrugged. “I don't like being told who I have to love. Do you?”

 

“No.”

 

“Like I said, I wouldn't dream of stopping you from doing something that makes you happy, Usagi.”

 

“And I’d tell you the same, Mamoru.” He nodded, before letting her go.

 

“Go on. Go see Kras’hir.” Usagi nodded, and went to Kras’hir, awkwardly adorable as could be. Kras’hir didn't even look at her, staring into her drink.

 

“Kras’hir…” Usagi said. “...Come on, talk to me, please…”

 

No answer.

 

“...Pleeease?”

 

Nothing.

 

“I love your lips when they’re wet with wine

 

And red with a wild desire;

 

I love your eyes when the lovelight lies

 

Lit with a passionate fire.

 

I love your arms when the warm white flesh

 

Touches mine in a fond embrace;

 

I love your hair when the strands enmesh

 

Your kisses against my face.

 

Not for me the cold, calm kiss

 

Of a virgin’s bloodless love;

 

Not for me the saint’s white bliss,

 

Nor the heart of a spotless dove.

 

But give me the love that so freely gives

 

And laughs at the whole world’s blame,

 

With your body so young and warm in my arms,

 

It sets my poor heart aflame.

 

So kiss me sweet with your warm wet mouth,

 

Still fragrant with ruby wine,

 

And say with a fervor born of the South

 

That your body and soul are mine.

 

Clasp me close in your warm young arms,

 

While the pale stars shine above,

 

And we’ll live our whole young lives away

 

In the joys of a living love.” It was worth a shot, Usagi had decided. It certainly surprised Kras'hir, who spat her mouthful of mead directly into the faces of the other Rangers.

 

“Gee, thanks for the drink.” deadpanned Toby. Kras’hir didn't respond, as she was too busy staring at Usagi.

 

“What?” she asked, tilting her head. “Don’t you like poetry?”

 

“I'm just surprised that you remember that poem I recited…”

 

“How could I forget? You said it to me, so I thought I’d return the favor. Because no matter what, I love you.”

 

Kras’hir knelt in front of Usagi, before gently hugging her. Usagi hugged her back, happy that her girlfriend was talking to her again. Kras’hir held her close, softly rubbing her back. “I love you, Kras’hir.” whispered Usagi. “And I always will.”

 

“Always?”

 

“Always.”

 

“Good. Because I'll kill anyone who tries to take you away from me.”

 

“I know.” Usagi giggled. “Now, how’s about we show Queen Beryl that you don’t mess with the Power Rangers?”

 

“YEAH!” the others agreed. Khorne sent them all off without a word. He didn't, however, send them into the court of the Queen. Rather, He sent them to about two miles above it, in midair.

“...Oh, fuck. This is exactly like an old cartoon.” said Lettuce, who promptly fell onto the floor below. Kras’hir landed soon after, leaving a massive dent in the floor. Usagi landed on top of her, and Toby landed on Ebony and Naruto.

 

It wasn't Beryl sitting on the throne, however. It was Ahzek Ahriman, his staff in hand. “Who the hell are you,” began Naruto. “And where’s Queen Beryl?!”

 

Ahriman regarded them, his staff crackling with energy, not answering. “ANSWER ME, DAMN IT!”

 

“No, Red Ranger. You are in no position to demand anything from me.” the sorcerer replied, amused.

 

“Oh yes I am!” Naruto stretched out his arms and called out, “POWER OF MARS, WARRIOR OF FIRE!” He then morphed into a Ranger form similar to Usagi’s, the only difference being the color and symbol, this one for Mars. Ahriman didn't react, aside from briefly chuckling. “Stand down, sorceror. Before things get hot.” Naruto ordered, firing off a pun.

 

“I am Ahzek Ahriman, child. I am sure your Daemonic companions knows that name.”

 

Kras’hir did, and his presence made her uneasy, which was evident in her body language. “So, what?” asked Ebony. “You’re a wizard too, big deal. I attended a magic school for seven years.”

 

Kras’hir said softly, “He does not wield the primitive magic you learn, child. He wields the power to destroy entire worlds. He's done it before.”

 

“...Primitive magic? Look, Kras’hir, I may not have been the best student at Hogwarts, but I’m smarter than I look. Magic has rules. He, obviously, doesn’t follow those rules.”

 

Ahriman snorted. “There is a difference between magic and sorcery, Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. Magic, which is what you and the other wizards and witches from your world use, is a primitive art, meant to change creation in small ways. As such, it is largely ignored by the Changer of Ways. Sorcery, on the other hand...is the song of creation. A powerful sorcerer can do anything.”

 

“...Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way?” Toby asked. “...Sounds like something out of a terrible fan fiction.”

 

Ahriman sighed. “I don't have any patience for idiocy, Tobias. So, please, keep your thoughts in your head.”

 

“No one calls me Tobias except for my mom when she’s mad at me.” Toby said.

Ahriman looked at Ebony. “Do you have any response to what I said before your teammate opened his mouth?”

 

“Not really. I was distracted by those cute guys over there.” she said referring to Kunzite, Zolsite, and Nephrite. Ahriman looked at them.

 

“Oh, yes. They serve the Queen as advisors.”

 

“...Are any of them single?”

 

“FOCUS, EBONY!” Naruto shouted. “WE NEED TO GET HIM TO REVEAL BERYL’S LOCATION!”

 

“You won't.” Ahriman said.

 

Ebony pulled out her wand. “...Crucio.” she muttered, pointing it at Ahriman. A beam of light fired, hitting him dead center. Much to Ebony’s shock, it had no effect. “H-how?!”

 

“Did you really think your primitive spells would harm me, child? I helped invent magic.”

 

“So my History of Magic classes were for nothing? FUUUUCK YOU, PROFESSOR BINNS!”

 

“You never even listened to him, child. Otherwise, you likely would have heard him mention me, likely referring to me as ‘The Founder.’”

 

“I thought those were just theories…”

 

“As far as your people are concerned, that's all they are. The only person who knows the truth is Albus Dumbledore.”

 

“Old Dumblydumb? You’re kidding.”

 

Ahriman merely stared at her.

 

“Oh, shit; you’re trying to distract me, aren’t you?!”

 

“You only think he is stupid because you were too busy doing whatever you felt like at Hogwarts, and he tried to stop you.”

 

“...STOP TRYING TO DISTRACT ME! WHERE THE HELL IS QUEEN BERYL!?”

 

“Ah, isn't that the question of the day? Fine, I'll tell you.”

 

Naruto grinned underneath his helmet. “Finally.”

 

“She's not in this room.”

 

“...Then where is she?”

 

“Somewhere outside of this room.”

 

“...He’s trying to confuse us.” said Toby. “I know where she is.”

 

Kras’hir and Ahriman both replied, “I seriously doubt it.”

 

“You forget,” grinned Toby. “I have pledged loyalty to Tzeentch.”

 

“And you forget that He is the Master of Lies. Go on, then. See if you can find her.” Toby nodded, and went to the first room he could find. Ahriman was correct. Tzeentch had led him astray. “Damn.”

 

When he returned, Ahriman was saying, “...and magic can't raise the dead. Is that correct?”

 

“Yep.” said Ebony.

 

“A skilled sorcerer can.”

 

“But magical laws state-” Ebony began, briefly distracted by Beryl’s advisors. “But magical laws state that the dead can’t be revived.”

 

Ahriman promptly killed Zolsite with a blast of energy, before resurrecting him. He grumbled, then stared at Kunzite. “...Lover, please never let him do a demonstration like that again.” His tone was flat and unamused. Kunzite snorted, rolling his eyes.

 

“I'll get right on that.”

 

“Stop with your games, Arhiman.” said Lettuce. “Where. Is. Beryl?”

 

Before Ahriman could answer, the doors burst open, and one of the Queen’s scouts entered, breathing hard and bleeding heavily. Her left arm was missing, and her eyes darted back and forth out of fear. Ahriman looked at her. “What happened?”

 

“S-sorcerer Ahriman, we scouted the surface of Epsilon V, just like you requested, looking for any signs of the...objects the Queen is searching for. It was quiet, but then…”

 

“Then...what?”

 

“...The Machines emerged, coming out of the ground through caves and holes. They were...unstoppable, marching without pause. We tried to flee, but the others were killed, disintegrated by the weapons the Machines were carrying. I was the only one who made it out.”

 

“Machines?” asked Zolsite, his eyes widening. “...As in…”

 

“...Necrons.” whispered Nephrite. Kunzite curled his fingers, put his hand against his chest, and thrusted it outward, an ancient gesture for warding off evil.

 

“...The Necrons are coming…” whispered Usagi, horrified. Her tone sent chills through the other Rangers. A moment later, the comm units the Rangers wore began to crackle, then a voice spoke, the tone a calm, flat monotone.

 

“I am coming, Rangers. The Great Sleep has lasted for countless ages, but it is now ended, and the time of the Eternal Dynasty has come. I will lead my armies across the Multiverse, bringing peace to every world. Order. Unity. Obedience. We taught the galaxy these things long ago, and we will do so again. You cannot stop us. The Ruinous Powers cannot stop us. The Emperor Himself cannot stop us. Our will is implacable, and our rule is just. I am Imotekh the Stormlord, Phaeron of the Sautekh Dynasty, and I am coming.”

 

No one spoke, until Pinkie asked Beryl’s scout, “Just what objects were you guys looking for?” Her tone was like an Imperial Inquisitor’s: cold, dead, and serious.

 

The scout laughed, the sound crazed. “Don't you understand? It doesn't matter! None of it matters! Once the Necrons march, everything we do will be irrelevant.”

 

Then, she began muttering, “The machine lives, the machine lives, the machine lives, the machine lives, the machine lives, the machine lives…”

 

“We need to get back to the Command Center.” said Usagi. “Omnus might know something.”

 

“The machine lives! The machine lives! The machine lives! THE MACHINE LIVES!”

 

Ahriman put the scout out of her misery, before sending the Rangers on their way. When they arrived in the Command Center, Alpha noticed they weren’t emotionally well. “What’s wrong, Rangers? You look unnerved.”

 

Kras’hir, without a word, took Usagi’s comm unit and replayed the message they were sent. “...The Necrons…” muttered Artemis.

 

“How long do we have until they arrive?” Alpha asked.

 

Omnus answered, entering the room, “That depends on what Imotekh has planned.”

 

“And with the Necrons, there’s no telling just what that plan is.” finished Artemis.

 

Omnus nodded. “I was unfortunate enough to run into the Stormlord once.”

 

“What was that like?” asked Toby.

 

“He is quite fond of mutilating enemy commanders he doesn't kill, so they remember him.”

 

Omnus held up his right hand. The Rangers gasped in horror, as did Artemis and Alpha. “You mean he…?” Alpha asked.

 

“...cut off two of my fingers? Yes.”

 

“So what do we do now?” Usagi asked. “Go back to our wake up-go-to-school-fight a monster every week-routine?”

 

Omnus paused, looking at her. “...What is that on your back?”

 

“Hmm? Oh, ummm...:”

 

“You didn’t…” muttered Alpha.

 

“She did…” Artemis sighed. “She has the Mark of Khorne.”

 

Luna closed her eyes. “By the Gods…”

 

“I’m sorry! I had no choice!”

 

Kras’hir said, “Even now, you still feel the call of war. Don't pretend you don't like it.”

 

“You’re right. I do.” Usagi said. Her belt of trophies made that clear.

 

“Well, now she’s cursed to feel a constant bloodlust.” Artemis sighed.

 

Kras’hir snorted. “Yeah. What's your point?”

 

Luna responded, “Unlike you, Usagi isn't a homicidal brute. We'd like to keep it that way.”

 

“I can keep it in check. I’ll just teleport myself to Khorne’s realm to train.”

 

Kras’hir said, chuckling, “You know, it's funny. I thought you just called me a brute, little cat. Maybe I misheard you.”

 

“I did. I know Usagi loves you, but I still think you're nothing but a dangerous killer that could go kill-crazy at any time.” Luna replied, looking at her without emotion.

 

“...” Usagi just watched the exchange, until Lettuce interrupted.

 

“Like Usagi asked, what do we do now?”

 

Omnus was about to answer, before Kras’hir growled, “You interrupt again, and I'll cut off your head and send it to your father in a box.”

 

“Ah, very Seven-ish.” Lettuce said. “You were saying, Omnus?”

 

Omnus didn’t speak, as Kras’hir was now glaring at Lettuce. “Say that again, little bird.”

 

“What? Seven-ish?” Lettuce repeated.

 

“Care to tell me what that means?”

 

“...Haven’t you ever seen the movie Seven? It’s about a serial killer that bases his murders on the seven deadly sins. At the end, he kills the main character’s wife, and sends her head to him in a box so that he can kill him and become the sin of Wrath.”

 

Kras’hir stared at him blankly. “Yes. We had movie nights all the time in the Warp.”

 

“You sending my head in a box to my dad would, therefore, be Seven-ish.”

 

It was quite clear Kras’hir was angry about something. She paced, her fists clenched tightly. “What’s wrong?” Usagi asked.

 

Kras’hir snarled, “I am restraining myself from skinning that little cat alive.” Artemis hissed.

 

“...Let’s get back on track.” said Naruto. “Until the Necrons come, what do we do?”

 

Kras’hir slammed her fist into the wall. “Do none of you care that I was just called a murderous brute? Or do you all think it true? Be honest.”

 

“All of us care.” said Pinkie. “It’s just that there are bigger things coming. We need to prepare.”

 

“Prepare? You mean going back to your normal lives and pretending that the Necrons aren't coming for all of us. Do you think your education matters in the face of such a threat?”

 

“...While you do have a point,” said Alpha. “It’s the best we can do for now.”

 

Kras’hir left, muttering to herself angrily. Omnus sighed. “Usagi, go after her, will you?” She nodded, running as quickly as she could.

 

Naruto asked, “Kras’hir is right. Should we just return to our lives, or do we become Rangers full time?”

 

“I don’t know.” said Alpha. “There are good points for both...but there are also disadvantages.”

 

Kras’hir, meanwhile, had put on her ring, and was sitting on the balcony of the building over the Command Center, meant to cover it up and throw off any unwanted attention. “Kra-Krystal?” Usagi asked.

 

“What?”

 

“...What’s wrong? Seriously.”

 

“...Can you give me a hug? I need one.” Usagi obliged, snuggling into her girlfriend.

 

“I'm afraid, you know.” Kras’hir whispered.

 

“I’m afraid too.” Usagi whispered back. “...I don’t want to lose you.”

 

“I've seen what the Necrons can do. I know what they plan to do to every world they conquer. That's why I'm so angry. I'm afraid and worried.”

 

“I know. It’s just...none of us are prepared. We have Queen Beryl and her youma to deal with already.” Usagi said. “Not to mention Radiguet will arrive to enact his own plans soon enough.”

 

“I'm not concerned about Beryl. I'm concerned about the sorcerer advising her.”

 

“Yeah. He’s not at all like Drako.” Usagi said. “He seems to be far more...what’s a good word...competent.”

 

“I get the feeling that he's pulling the strings. Ahriman is an extremist with good intentions. He will do just about anything if he believes it's for a good cause.”

 

“Do you think it’s possible he knows about how Diabolica’s plans worked? Sending one new monster at a time every week, the once we defeat it, it grows and we have to use our Megazord to fight it?”

 

“Considering who his Master is…”

 

“More than likely. The real question is, will he pull the same schtick?” Usagi asked. “I’m thinking yes, considering how much energy he gathered earlier.”

 

Kras’hir nodded, before looking out at the horizon. The sun was beginning to set, turning the sky into a beautiful mixture of red and orange. “It’s so romantic.” said Usagi. Kras’hir put an arm around her, pulling her close.

 

“Yes. It is.”

 

Usagi smiled, and kissed her. Kras’hir kissed her back, before starting to weep softly. “You’re crying again.” Usagi said.

 

“Really? I didn't notice…”

 

“Are you still upset?”

 

Kras’hir hugged her tightly, continuing to sob. Usagi said nothing, just hugging her.

 

“I can't lose you, my love. I just...can't…It would kill me.”

 

“I know it would.”

 

“You know...I'm likely going to outlive you. I know how short the lives of humans are…”

 

“I wish I was immortal…”

 

Kras’hir sniffled, before whispering, “So do I…” Usagi shushed her, and they continued hugging.

 

Meanwhile, Queen Beryl listened to Ahriman's report. “...So, Epsilon V was a Tomb World...no matter. I will not let that stop my hunt for the seven Rainbow Crystals.”

 

Ahriman stood tall. He had not bowed upon entering, which had irritated the Queen, as well as her advisors.

 

“You will learn your place among this court, sorcerer.” Beryl said.

 

“Yes, Your Grace.” Ahriman replied, not moving.

 

“Now, as I was saying...the Necrons are returning. I will not let that stop my hunt for the Crystals.” Beryl said. “There will be enough time when the Necrons arrive.”

 

“I fear Imotekh may be after the Crystals himself, Your Grace. He is no fool. Anyone with the most basic knowledge of the arcane knows the power they contain.”

 

“The Queen of the Moon Kingdom was wise to split the Silver Crystal into seven pieces. Once I gather them, then and only then will our Great Ruler have enough energy to consume humanity.”

 

“And what of the Stormlord?”

 

“He will not be any worry, especially since an old comrade of mine, Dr. Maniac, will be arriving soon with his Biobeasts.”

 

Their discussion was interrupted by a small machine entering the room: A Necron Drone. It moved in front of her before projecting a hologram. The Stormlord, or, at least, a projection of him, stood in front of Queen Beryl.

 

“Greetings, Phaeron Imotekh.” Beryl said, her displeasure evident.

 

“Greetings, Queen Beryl. I sense anger in your tone.”

 

“I am impressed you noticed, robot.” she snarked.

 

“Robot? A crude way to describe me, I would say.”

 

“Crude, but fitting. Now what business have you in my castle?”

 

He looked around, noting with something resembling amusement how her advisors were cowering behind their chairs. “Is that what you call this place? It is hardly fit for a ruler.”

 

“Silence. State your business now, Imotekh.”

 

“You think to command me?” He asked, his voice still a calm, flat monotone.

 

“I will not tolerate insubordination, Necron. Especially from one so mechanical and lifeless.”

 

The Drone whirred, before cables shot out, wrapping around the Queen's throat. She let out ghastly choking noises, her face turning purple.

 

“Allow me to make one thing clear, Queen Beryl, Shadow of the Great Ruler. I am not one of your advisors. You cannot command me like you would a dog. I have lived for far longer than your species has even existed.”

 

The cables retracted. Beryl coughed, staring at the Drone in fear. Imotekh looked at her for a long moment, then asked, “What is it you plan to do?”

 

“Do? Specify, Imotekh.”

 

“Phaeron. Or Lord Imotekh. Either is tolerable. To address your question, what is your plan? Your end goal?”

 

“Gather energy for my Great Ruler, Metalia. As for how I plan to accomplish this, creating youma.”

 

“Youma. Those are your shadow creatures, yes? Some of my scouts have reported seeing them.”

 

“Yes.”

 

The doors creaked open. Imotekh turned towards them. “Ah, the doctor. I was curious as to when you would arrive.” The man, who appeared to have long, white flowing hair which obscured the cybernetic parts underneath, appeared to be very old, wearing a black one-piece jumpsuit emblazoned with the sigil of the empire he ruled: Neo Empire Gear.

 

“Dr. Maniac, how good it is to see you.” Queen Beryl said.

 

“The same to you, Your Grace.” Dr. Maniac said. “...Is this a Necron Drone I see?” the tone of his voice was one of unbridled, psychotic euphoria.

 

“Yes. It is a Drone belonging to the Stormlord himself.”

 

“Wonderful! Greetings, Lord Imotekh. I am Dr. Maniac, ruler of the Neo Empire Gear...and these are my Mekboy assistants.”

 

Imotekh was about to speak, before another voice came through on his end, “Oh, is that Doctor Maniac? Wonderful! May I speak to him?”

 

“No, you may not. Get out, Trazyn.”

 

“You are a spoilsport, you know.”

 

Imotekh’s hologram faded, before another Necron took his place. He inclined his head to Queen Beryl.

 

“Greetings, my lady. I am Trazyn, the Infinite, conqueror, collector, and, occasionally, prankster.”

 

“Collecta?” one of the Mekboyz, a large green Ork wearing cybernetics cobbled together from whatever parts he could find, asked. “Ya got any mekanical thingies?”

 

“Oh, yes! I have all sorts of strange and wonderful things! I do adore gathering whatever I can into my own little collection…”

 

“WE GOTS MORE OF DEM MEKANICAL THINGZ, BOYZ!” the Ork, named Bzrk, shouted towards the open door.

 

“LIKE WHAT? TELL US ABOUT ‘EM,  YA GROT!”

 

“THEMZ SHINY THINGS, ONE DAT DA BOSS COULD USE IN ‘IS SCIENCEY STUFF!”

 

Beryl stared. “...Orks, Dr. Maniac? Orks?! Why in the bloody hell do you have Orks serving you!?”

 

“‘EY! DA BOSS LIKES US CAUSE GREEN IZ BETTA, AND GREEN WITH TECHY STUFF IS EVEN MORE BETTA!”

 

“Yes, as Grzrg put it so...delicately, I use these Mekboyz because they can help me in my experiments, especially Biobeast creation.” Dr. Maniac said. “I defeated their Warboss while trying to expand my empire’s territory.”

 

Trazyn said cheerfully, “I have his body on display.”

 

“DA BOSS SAYS YA GOT A POWAH RANGAH PROBLEM, LADY?” Bzrk asked, much to Beryl’s frustration.

 

“...Kunzite, please tell these Orks to call me by my proper titles.”

 

Kunzite swallowed nervously. “Yes...um...can you, please, um...call her either “Queen Beryl” or ‘Your Grace?’”

 

“TOO PROPPA! WE’RE CALLIN’ YA BOSS LADY!” Bzrk said. “DA ONLY ONE WHO GETZ PROPPA TITULZ IS DA BOSS, DOKTA MANIAC!” he grinned. “AIN’T DAT RIGHT, BOYZ?”

 

“YEAH!” Grzrg shouted. “YA DON'T GET CALLED BY ANY PROPPA TITLES UNLESS YOU IZ A WARBOSS!”

 

Dr. Maniac clapped gleefully. “Yes, now go set up the equipment while ‘da boss’ and your new ‘boss lady’ talk.”

 

“YESSIR, DOKTA!” Bzrk said. “COME ON GRZRG, WE GOTS SHINY THINGS TO PUT TOGETHA!”

 

The Mekboyz lumbered off. Trazyn watched them go.

 

“I do love Orks. So simple, yet so brilliant.”

 

“Exactly why I brought them. Give those two something shiny and mechanical to tinker with, they’ll be busy for hours.” the doctor said. “They’ve been a great help in improving my Biobeasts.”

 

Trazyn then asked, “Are you considering trying to destroy this Drone, my lady?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I would advise against it.”

 

“...Understood.” Beryl said.

 

Kunzite asked, a bit of his usual confidence, and arrogance, returning, “Why?”

 

Trazyn replied, “Tell me: How well do you think Imotekh will take it? If you destroy something that belongs to him, he'll have all your heads mounted on spikes by sunrise.”

 

“Therefore,” said Beryl. “This drone will not be destroyed.”

 

“You sound angry, my lady.” Trazyn said, his tone good-natured.

 

“I am.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I want this drone as far away from me as possible.”

 

“Oh, dear. What did you do to irritate Imotekh?”

 

“I told him I would not let a robot be insubordinate.”

 

“You know, I never thought I would pull the race card, buuuut…”

 

“...You have a point.”

 

Ahriman asked, stunned, “Did you just accuse her of racism when your kind is on a genocidal mission to wipe out organic life?”

 

Trazyn nodded, amused. Ahriman facepalmed. “I hate you.”

 

“I know!”

 

“Onto business.” said Dr. Maniac. “Why, of all beings, did you want to contact me, Trazyn?”

 

“Why, my dear man, you intrigue me.”

 

“Why, thank you.”

 

“You actually managed to hack into the network connecting Tomb Worlds. How?”

 

“My vast intellect, of course. As for why...science.”

 

“Imotekh wants you dead, you know.”

 

“And why is that?”

 

“You delayed his conquest of a particularly troublesome world.”

 

“Ah, yes...what was it called again? I’ve conquered and experimented on so many worlds that I’ve lost count.”

 

“Daragoth.”

 

“Ah, yes. I do not care. I was only wanting data to improve my Biobeasts.”

 

Trazyn was about to speak, before he paused. “Ah, it seems Imotekh is waking. I shut him down briefly, you see. We will speak again soon, I hope!”

 

His hologram faded, before being replaced by Imotekh, who was as irritated as it was possible for a soulless machine to be. He looked at Doctor Maniac, his grip on his staff tightening.

 

“You.”

 

“Me? Oh, you’re too kind.”

 

Imotekh bristled at his insolence. The Drone whirred, before giving the good doctor a nasty electric shock. Much to his irritation, the doctor laughed. “That tickles, Lord Imotekh.”

 

The Queen’s advisors were hiding again, cowering behind their chairs. “When will that thing leave?” Nephrite whispered.

 

“Soon.” said Zolsite. “Soon.”

 

Imotekh stared flatly at the doctor. “One day, I will kill you.”

 

“Go ahead and try. By then, I will have achieved my own mechanical form.”

 

“How much do you know about my kind, Queen Beryl?” Imotekh asked, turning to her.

 

“Only the basic information.” the Queen replied. “Why, Lord Imotekh?”

 

He began speaking, telling the tale of his people, her question ignored.

 

“The humanoid species that would become the Necrons began their existence under a fearsome, scourging star in the far reaches of the galaxy known as the Halo Stars region, billions of standard years before Mankind evolved on Terra. Assailed at every moment by ionising solar winds and intense radiation storms, the flesh and blood Necrontyr became a morbid people whose precarious life spans were riven by constant loss. What little information the Imperium of Man has recovered on the Necrontyr tells that their lives were short and uncertain, their bodies blighted and consumed at an early age by the terrible cancers and other illnesses linked to the high levels of ionising radiation given off by their sun. Necrontyr cities were built in anticipation of their inhabitants' early demise, as the living were only brief residents living in the shadow of the vast sepulchres and tombs of their ancestors. Likewise, their ruling dynasties were founded on the anticipation of demise, and the living were thought of as no more than temporary residents hurrying through the more permanent and lasting structures raised to honour the dead. On the Necrontyr homeworld, the greatest monuments were always built for the dead, never the living. Driven by necessity, the Necrontyr escaped their crucible-prison and struck out for the stars, hopeful of carving an empire in which they could realise their species' potential free from the lethal energies of their birth star.

Unable to find peace on their own world, the Necrontyr blindly groped outward into the universe to explore other stars. Using stasis crypts and slow-moving antimatter-powered torch-ships, the Necrontyr began to colonise distant worlds. Little by little, the Necrontyr dynasties spread ever further, until much of the ancient galaxy answered to their rule. From the earliest days, the rulers of individual Necrontyr dynasties were themselves governed by the Triarch, a council composed of three Phaerons. The head of the Triarch was known as the Silent King, for he addressed his subjects only through the other two Phaerons who ruled alongside him. Nominally a hereditary position, the uncertain life spans of the Necrontyr ensured that the title of Silent King nonetheless passed from one royal dynasty to another many times. The final days of the Necrontyr Empire occurred in the reign of Szarekh, the last of the Silent Kings.

Sometime during their slow expansion, the Necrontyr encountered an ancient species far older than any other in existence in the known galaxy. Collectively, these beings were known as the Old Ones, and they were absolute masters of forms of energy the Necrontyr could not even conceive of, yet alone wield. The Old Ones had long ago conquered the secrets of immortality, yet they refused to share the gift of eternal life with the Necrontyr, who yet bore the curse of the bitter star they had been born under. The colonisation of much of the galaxy by the reptilian mystics had been immeasurably swifter and more expansive than that of the Necrontyr because of their Warp Gates and mastery of the Immaterium. That, and the Old Ones' incredibly long, if not downright immortal lifespans, kindled a burning, jealous rage in the Necrontyr, which ate at their culture spiritually as much as their physical cancers consumed their bodies. The Necrontyr were astonished to learn that another intelligent species enjoyed such long lives while their own were cut so brutally short.

But as time wore on, further strife came to the Necrontyr. Each dynasty of the Necrontyr sought to claim its own destiny and soon the great houses were engaged in all-out conflicts known as the Wars of Secession. Had circumstances remained as they were for but a generation more, it is possible that the Necrontyr would have wiped themselves out, as so many species had before them and shall do in the future. As their territory grew ever wider and more diverse, the unity that had made them strong was eroded, and bitter wars were waged as entire realms fought to win independence. Ultimately, the Triach -- the ruling council of the Necrontyr Empire-- realised that the only hope of unity lay in conflict with an external enemy, but there were few who could prove a credible threat. Only the Old Ones, the first of all the galaxy's known sentient species, were a prospective foe powerful enough to bind the feuding Necrontyr dynasties to a common cause. Such a war was simplicity itself to justify, for the Necrontyr had ever rankled at the Old Ones' refusal to share the secrets of eternal life. So did the Triarch declare war on the Old Ones. At the same time, they offered amnesty to any secessionist dynasties who willingly returned to the fold. Thus lured by the spoils of victory and the promise of immortality, the separatist Necrontyr realms abandoned their Wars of Secession and the War in Heaven began.

It was the last of the Silent Kings who headed the Triarch of the Necrontyr Empire, Szarekh, who formulated the plan that would change everything forever and have consequences that would echo through history for countless millions of years. In a typically bitter act of jealousy and resentment for the Necrontyr race, it was the Silent King who used the Old Ones' refusal to share the secret of immortality as a pretext for war, forcibly uniting the entire Necrontyr species beneath the rule of the Triarch against their common foe. War erupted across the stars, yet while the Silent King succeeded in uniting his hateful people, it was a war the Necrontyr could not win. Not on their own.

The terrible wars between the Old Ones and the Necrontyr that followed, known later in Eldar myth as the War in Heaven, would fill a library in their own right, but the Necrontyr could never win. Our superior technology was consistently outmanoeuvred by the Old Ones thanks to their mastery of the Webway portals and Warp Gates. The Necrontyr were pushed back until we were little more than an irritation to the Old Ones' dominance of the galaxy, a quiescent threat clinging to our irradiated world among the Halo Stars, exiled and forgotten. The Necrontyr's fury was cooled by their long millennia of imprisonment on their homeworld, slowly transforming into an utter hatred towards all other forms of intelligent life and an implacable determination to avenge ourselves upon their seemingly invincible enemies.

But in the face of defeat, the always fragile unity of the Necrontyr began to fracture once more. No longer did the prospect of a common enemy have any hold over the disparate dynasties. Scores of generations had now lived and died in the service of an unwinnable war, and many Necrontyr dynasties would have gladly sued for peace with the Old Ones if the ruling Triarch had permitted it.

Thus began the second iteration of the Wars of Secession, more widespread and ruinous than any that had come before. So fractured has the Necrontyr dynasties become by then that, had the Old Ones been so inclined, they could have wiped out their foes with ease. Faced with the total collapse of their rule, the Triarch searched desperately for a means of restoring order. In this, their prayers were answered,though the price for their species would be incalculably high.

It was during the reign of the Silent King Szarekh that the godlike energy beings known as the C'tan first blighted the Necrontyr. It is impossible to say for certain how the Necrontyr first made contact with the C'tan, though many misleading, contradictory and one-sided accounts of these events exist. The dusty archives of the Tomb World of Solemnace claim it was but an accident, a chance discovery made by a stellar probe during the investigation of a dying star. The Book of Mournful Night, held under close guard in the Black Library's innermost sanctum, tells rather that the raw hatred that the Necrontyr held as a race for the Old Ones sang out across space, acting as a beacon that the C'tan could not ignore.

Another account claims that from the earliest days of their civilisation, Necrontyr scientists had been deeply engaged in stellar studies to try to understand and protect themselves from their own sun's baleful energies. After long, bitter centuries of searching for some power to unleash upon the Old Ones, the Necrontyr researchers used stellar probes to discover unusual electrodynamic anomalies in the oldest, dying stars of the galaxy. In the complex skeins of the energetic plasma of these suns, the Necrontyr found a sentience that was more ancient than that of any of the corporeal species in Creation, including the Old Ones. They had discovered entities of pure energy that had spawned during the birth of the stars eons before. These entities had little conception of what the rest of the universe entailed when the Necrontyr first found them, instead simply feeding upon the solar flares and magnetic storms of these bloated red giants. But here was the weapon the Necrontyr had long sought to bring about the downfall of the Old Ones, beings they believed the C'tan were the progeny of the death-god they worshipped. Howsoever first contact occurred, the shadow of the C'tan fell over the oldest Necrontyr dynasties first.

The power of these star-born creatures was incredible, the raw energy of the stars made animate, and the Necrontyr called them the C'tan or "Star Gods" in their own tongue. The C'tan were dispersed across areas larger than whole planets, their consciousnesses too vast for humanoids to comprehend. How the Necrontyr ever managed to communicate with them is unknown to the Adeptus Mechanicus. Understanding that such diffuse minds could never perceive the material universe without manifesting themselves in a material form, some Necrontyr actively sought the C'tan's favour and oversaw the forging of physical shells for the C'tan to occupy, cast from the living metal called Necrodermis. Fragmentary Eldar legends tell of translucent streamers of electromagnetic force shifting across space as the star vampires coiled into their new bodies in the physical realm across an incorporeal bridge of starlight. Thus clad, the C'tan took the shapes of the Necrontyr's half-forgotten gods, hiding their own desires beneath cloaks of obsequious subservience.

Incomprehensible forces were compressed into the living metal of the Necrodermis bodies which the Necrontyr had forged as the full power of the C'tan at last found form. As the C'tan focused their consciousnesses and became ever more aware of their new mode of existence, they came to appreciate the pleasures available to beings of matter and the other realities of corporeal life. The deliciously focused trickles of electromagnetic energy given off by the physical bodies of the Necrontyr all about them awakened a new hunger in the C'tan very unlike the one they had once sated using the nourishing, but essentially tasteless, energies of the stars.

So it was that one of the C'tan came before the Silent King Szarekh, acting as forerunner to the coming of his brothers. Amongst its own kind, this C'tan was known as the Deceiver, for it was willfully treacherous. Yet the Silent King knew not the C'tan's true nature, and instead granted the creature an audience. The Deceiver spoke of a war, fought long before the birth of the Necrontyr, between the C'tan and the Old Ones. It was a war, he said, that the C'tan had lost. In the aftermath, and fearing the vengeance of the Old Ones, he and his brothers had hidden themselves away, hoping one day to find allies with whom they could finally bring the Old Ones to account. In return for this aid, the Deceiver assured, he and his brothers would deliver everything that the Necrontyr craved. Unity could be theirs once again, and the immortality that they had sought for so long would finally be within their grasp. No price would their be for these great gifts, the Deceiver insisted, for they were but boons to be bestowed upon valued allies.

Thus did the Deceiver speak, and who can say how much of his tale was truth? It is doubtful whether even the Deceiver knew, for trickery had become so much a part of his existence that even he could no longer divine its root. Yet his words held sway over Szarekh who, like his ancestors before him, despaired of the divisions that were tearing our people apart. For long months he debated the matter with the other two Phaerons of the Triarch and the nobles of his Royal Court. Through it all, the only dissenting voice was that of Orikan, the court astrologer, who foretold that the alliance between the Necrontyr and the C'tan would bring about a renaissance of glory, but destroy forever the soul of the Necrontyr people. Yet desire and ambition swiftly overrode caution, and Orikan's prophecy was dismissed. A Necrontyr year after the Deceiver had presented his proposition, the Triarch agreed to the alliance, and so forever doomed their race.

For their part, my people soon fell into awe of their discoveries and the C'tan moved to take control over their benefactors. The powers of the C'tan manifested in the physical world were indeed almost god-like and it was not long before the C'tan were being worshiped as the Star Gods the Necrontyr had named them. Perhaps they had been tainted by the material universe they had become a part of, or perhaps this had always been their nature even when they were bound to the suns they fed upon, but the C'tan proved to be as cruel and capricious as the stars from which they had been born. They soon revelled in the worship of the Necrontyr and feasted upon the life energies of countless mortal slaves.

With the pact between Necrontyr and C'tan sealed, the Star Gods revealed the form that immortality would take for the Necrontyr, and the great biotransference process began. Colossal cyclopean bio-furnaces built by Necrontyr artifice roared day and night, and into these the Silent King's peoples marched according to the terms of the pact he had made with the C'tan. What blasphemous procedures the Necrontyr were subjected to within the raging bio-furnaces cannot be known, but certainly, each was stripped of flesh and of soul, his body replaced by a shell of living metal animated by what remained of his guttering self. Above each furnace swooped and dove the ethereal true-forms of the C'tan as they glutted themselves on the cast off spiritual detritus and life energy of an entire species; growing ever stronger. It was only when the Silent King himself emerged from the bio-transference process and looked upon what had become of his people that he saw the awful truth of the pact he had made. As Szarekh watched the C'tan feast on the life essence of his people, he realised the terrible depth of his mistake. In many ways, he felt better that he had in decades, the countless aches and uncertainties of organic life now behind him. His new machine body was far mightier than the frail form he had tolerated for so long, and his thoughts were swifter and clearer than they had ever been. Yet there was an emptiness gnawing at his mind, an inexpressible hollowness of spirit that defied rational explanation. In that moment, he knew with cold certainty that the price of physical immortality had been the loss of his soul. With great sorrow the Silent King beheld the fate he had brought upon his people: the Necrontyr were not but a memory, and the soulless, undying Necrons had been reborn in their place.Armed with weapons of god-like power and starships that could cross the galaxy in the blink of an eye, the Necrontyr stood ready to begin their war against the Old Ones anew. But the C'tan had another gift for their mortal subjects. They offered the Necrontyr a path to immortality and the physical stability their race had always craved. Their diseased flesh would be replaced with the living metal of Necrodermis that made up their Star Gods' own physical forms. Their discarded organic husks would be consumed and their cold, metal forms would then be free to pursue their great vengeance against the Old Ones and the rest of a hateful universe, freed forever from the weaknesses of their hated flesh.

Yet though the price had been steep, biotransference had fulfilled all of the promises that the C'tan had made. Even the lowliest of our race was now blessed with immortality -- age and hard radiation could little erode their new mechanical bodies, and only the most terrible of injuries could destroy them utterly. Likewise, we now enjoyed a unity that the Necrontyr had never known, though it was achieved through tyranny and the complete loss of individuality and emotion rather than by consent. The biotransference process had embedded command protocols in every Necron mind, granting Szarekh the unswerving loyalty of his subjects. At first, the Silent King embraced this unanimity, for it was a welcome reprieve from the chaos that had consumed the Necrontyr Empire in recent years. However, as time wore on he grew weary of his burden, but dared not sever the command protocols lest his subjects turn on him seeking vengeance for the terrible curse he had visited upon them.

Thus the Necrontyr became the Necrons, cursed to the eternal servitude of their Star Gods. The C'tan feasted upon the entire Necrontyr race's life energies even as they made the transfers, leaving behind only the ghostly echoes of the Necrontyr's consciousnesses. Only a few of the most strong-willed Necrontyr retained their intellect and self-awareness, and even they were but shadows of their former selves. They had been purged of so much of what had made them unique individuals.

We cared not at all for their loss; all that mattered to them was that we would live forever without disease or death as our Star Gods had promised. The Necrontyr species was united as never before. The process imbued in every one of the Silent King's subjects the command protocols with which he would rule over us with an iron hand. The entire species was his to command, and so it fell upon the Necrons to honour our side of our terrible bargain. Renewed by their devouring of the souls of an entire species, the C'tan were unstoppable, and with the legions of the Necrons marching in their wake, the Old Ones were doomed. Only one thing truly remained of the old Necrontyr -- their burning hatred for all the other living, intelligent species of the universe. Legions of the undying living metal warriors set out into the galaxy in their Tomb Ships and the stars burned in their wake. The Old Ones' mastery of the Warp was now countered by the C'tan's supremacy over the physical universe, and the ancient enemies of the Necrons suffered greatly in the interstellar slaughter that followed.

In the closing years of the War in Heaven, one of the primary factors that led to our ascendancy was their ability to finally gain access to the Old Ones' Webway. The C'tan known as Nyadra'zath, the Burning One, had long desired to carry his eldritch fires into that space beyond space, and so showed the Necrons how to breach its boundaries. Through a series of living stone portals known as the Dolmen Gates, we were finally able to turn the Old Ones' greatest weapon against them, vastly accelerating the ultimate end of the War in Heaven.With the C'tan and the Necrons fighting as one, the Old Ones were now doomed to defeat. Glutted on the life force of the Necrontyr, the empowered C'tan were nigh unstoppable and unleashed forces beyond comprehension. Planets were razed, suns extinguished and whole star systems devoured by black holes called into being by the reality-warping powers of the Star Gods. Necron legions assailed the Old Ones in every corner of the galaxy. They brought under siege the fortresses of the Old Ones' many allies amongst the younger intelligent races of the galaxy, harvesting the life force of the defenders to feed their voracious C'tan masters.

The portals offered by the Dolmen Gates were neither so stable, nor so controllable as the naturally occurring entrances to the Webway scattered across the galaxy. Indeed, in some curious fashion, the Webway can detect when its environs have been breached by a Dolmen Gate and its arcane mechanisms swiftly attempt to seal off the infected spur from the rest of the Labyrinthine Dimension until the danger to its integrity has passed. Thus, Necrons entering the Webway had to reach their intended destination through its shifting extradimensional corridors quickly, lest the network itself bring about their destruction.

In the wake of these victories, the C'tan and their undying Necron servants now dominated the galaxy. The last planetary bastions of the Old Ones were besieged and the intelligent races they had once nurtured became cattle for the obscene hunger of the C'tan. To the younger sentient species of the galaxy, the Necrons and their Star Gods were cruel masters, callously harvesting their populations at will to feed the C'tan's ceaseless hunger. The C'tan were figures of terror who demanded their adoration and fear in equal measure. For unknown reasons, but probably because their individual hungers for mortal life energies knew no bounds, the C'tan ultimately began to fight amongst themselves for both sport and out of spite as they unleashed destructive forces beyond mortal comprehension. Among the Eldar, an ancient myth holds that their Laughing God tricked the C'tan known as the Outsider into turning on its brothers and beginning their long war for ascendancy. In the course of the C'tan's struggle against one another, destruction on a colossal scale was unleashed. New cities were built by the efforts of millions and then smashed down once more. As the "red harvests" of the C'tan and their Necron servants, my people, grew thin, C'tan eventually devoured C'tan, until only a few were left in the universe and they competed amongst themselves for a long age.

Eventually, even the Old Ones, who had once been defined by their patience and unstoppable will, became desperate in the face of the Necron assault. They used their great scientific skills to genetically engineer intelligent beings with an even stronger psychic link to the Warp, hoping to create servants with the capability of channeling psychic power to defend themselves. They nurtured many potential warrior races, among which are believed to be the earliest members of the Eldar species and many other xenos races, including the Rashan, the K'nib, the Krork and many others. Millennia passed as the Old Ones' creations finally bore fruit whilst the C'tan and their Necron servants continued to extinguish life across the galaxy.

The Old Ones' psychically-empowered servant races spread across the galaxy, battling the advanced Necron technology with the psychic power of their Warp-spawned sorcery. Facing this new onslaught, the C'tan's empire was shattered, as the psychic forces of the Immaterium were anathema to soulless entities whose existence was wholly contained within purely physical patterns of electromagnetic force. For all the destruction they could unleash, they were unable to stop the Old Ones and the younger races' relentless advance across the stars.

The C'tan, unified by this great threat for the first time in millions of years, sought a way to defeat the soul-fuelled energies of the younger species. They initiated a great warding, a plan to forever defeat the psychic sorceries of the Old Ones by sealing off the material universe from the Warp, a plan whose first fruits can still be found on the Imperial Fortress World of Cadia in the form of the great pylons that litter the surface of that world in intricate networks and create the area of space-time stability near the Eye of Terror known as the Cadian Gate. With their god-like powers, it was only a matter of time until the C'tan succeeded and the greatest work of the C'tan was begun. But before it was complete, the seeds of destruction the Old Ones had planted millennia before brought about an unforeseen cataclysm. The growing pains and collective psychic flaws of the younger races threw the untapped psychically reactive energies of the Immaterium into disorder. War, pain and destruction were mirrored in the bottomless depth of the Sea of Souls that was the Warp. The maelstrom of souls unleashed into the Immaterium by the carnage of the War in Heaven coalesced in the previously formless energies of the Warp. Older entities that had existed within the Immaterium transformed into terrifying psychic predators, tearing at the souls of vulnerable psykers as their own environment was torn apart and reforged into the Realm of Chaos.

The denizens of the Warp clustered voraciously at the cracks between the Immaterium and the material universe, seeking new ways to enter the physical realm. The Old Ones brought forth new genetically-engineered warrior races to defend their last strongholds, including the technology-mimicking Jokaero and the formidable, green-skinned Krork who were the ancestors of the present day Orks, but it was already too late. The Old Ones' intergalactic Webway network was breached from the Immaterium and lost to them, several of their Warp Gates were destroyed by their own hands to prevent the entities of the Warp from spreading to uncorrupted worlds and Old Ones' greatest works and places of power were overrun by the horrors their own creations had unleashed. The most terrifying of these horrors were the Enslavers, Warp entities whose ability to dominate the minds of the younger races and create their own portals into the material realm using transmuted possessed psykers brought them forth in ever greater numbers. For the Old Ones, this was the final disaster as the Enslavers took control of their servants. The Pandora's Box unleashed by the creation of the younger races finally scattered the last of the Old Ones and broke their power over the galaxy once and for all. Life had stood at the edge of an apocalypse during the War in Heaven between the Old Ones and the C'tan. Now as the Enslavers breached the Immaterium in epidemic proportions, the survivors looked doomed.

Ultimately, beset by the implacable onset of the C'tan and the calamitous Warp-spawned perils they had themselves mistakenly unleashed, the Old Ones were defeated, scattered and finally destroyed. Whether the species went extinct or simply fled the galaxy to seek a new haven elsewhere is unknown.

Throughout the final stages of the War in Heaven, Szarekh bided his time, waiting for the moment in which the C'tan would prove vulnerable. Though the entire Necron race was now his to command, he could not hope to oppose the C'tan at the height of their power, and even if he did and met with success, the Necrons would then have to finish the War in Heaven against the Old Ones and their increasingly potent allies alone. No, the Old Ones had to be completely and utterly defeated before the C'tan could be brought to account for the horror they had wrought. And so, when the C'tan finally won their great war, their triumph proved short-lived. With one hated enemy finally defeated, and the other spent from hard-fought victory, the Silent King at last led the Necrons in revolt against the C'tan masters.

In their arrogance, the C'tan did not realise their danger until it was too late. We focussed the unimaginable energies of the living universe into weapons too mighty for even the Star Gods to endure. Alas, the C'tan were immortal star-spawn, part of the fundamental fabric of reality and therefore nigh impossible to destroy. So was each C'tan instead sundered into thousands of smaller and less powerful fragments, yet this was sufficient to the Silent King's goals. Indeed, he had known the C'tan's ultimate destruction to be impossible and had drawn his plans accordingly; each C'tan Shard was bound within a multidimensional Tesseract Labyrinth, as tramelled and secured as a Terran djinn trapped in a bottle. Though the cost of victory was high -- millions of Necrons had been destroyed as a consequence of the rebellion, including all of the members of the Triarch save the Silent King himself -- the Necrons were once more in command of their own destiny.

We had been vindicated in our pursuit only of science and control over the material realm and certainly took pleasure in seeing the Old Ones' civilisation collapse as a result of their over-indulgence of psychic power, and the end of the C'tan's domination over our race. Yet even with the defeat of the Old Ones and the C'tan alike, the Silent King saw that the time of the Necrons in the galaxy was over -- for the moment, at least. We would allow the Enslavers to take what was left of the sentient life in the galaxy and let it become an interstellar wasteland; the psyker swarm would then die away and in time the galaxy would evolve new lifeforms who would be less sophisticated and easier to dominate. In addition, we understood that the mantle of galactic dominion was soon to pass to the Eldar, one of the psychically-potent races that had fought alongside the Old Ones throughout the War in Heaven and had thus come to hate the Necrons and all their works with the burning passion that is the defining characteristic of that species. The Eldar had survived where the Old Ones had not, and the Necrons, weakened by their expenditure of lives and resources in overthrowing the rule of the C'tan, could not stand against them. Yet the Silent King knew that the time of the Eldar would eventually pass, as it must pass for all those beings still cloaked in the flesh. It would take millions of Terran years for the Eldar's power to fade, but what mattered is that the Necrons would be there to take advantage of it.

So it was that the Silent King ordered the remaining Necron cities to be transformed into great tomb complexes threaded with stasis-crypts. Let the Eldar shape the galaxy for a time -- they were but ephemeral, whilst the Necrons were undying and eternal. The Silent King's final command to his people was that they must sleep for the equivalent of 60 million standard years but awake ready to rebuild all that they had lost, to restore the Necron dynasties to their former glory. This was the Silent King's final order, and as the last Tomb World sealed its subterranean vaults, Szarekh destroyed the command protocols by which he had controlled his people for so long, for he had failed them utterly. Without a backward glance, Szarekh, the last of the Silent Kings of the Triarch, took ship into the starless void of intergalactic space, there to find whatever measure of solace or penance he could.

Meanwhile, aeons passed and the Necrons slept on, our machine slaves and constructs guarding us while we slept on Tomb Worlds that had been purged of all life to keep the Enslavers from our door. This plan worked with an amazing degree of success until the Necrons were awakened by the forces of the Imperium of Man in the late 41st Millennium to plague the galaxy once more. They discovered a new and unexpected age of interstellar civilisation and war much like the one they had left behind 60 million years before. The galaxy is blossoming with life once more, but is still overrun with latent psykers and worshippers of the infernal Chaotic Warp energies unleashed during the War in Heaven. It will take time and a great many machinations for the Necron dynasties to regain our rightful place as the rulers of the galaxy; the agents of Chaos must be overthrown; the dangerous Eldar, inheritors of the Old Ones' mantle, eliminated; Mankind subjugated and the great work cutting off the material universe from the Warp completed before a new age of Necron dominion can truly begin. But the Necrons are ageless and undying, our technology still unmatched by any of the younger races. And time is always on our side.

None can say for sure how many Tomb Worlds entered the Great Sleep, but it is certain that a great many did not survive into the late 41st Millennium. Technologically advanced though the Necrons were, to attempt a stasis-sleep of such scale was a great risk, even for them. For 60 million Terran years the Necrons slept, voicelessly waiting for their chance to complete the Silent King's final order: to restore the Necron dynasties to their former glory. As the centuries passed, ever more Tomb Worlds fell prey to malfunction or ill-fortune. For many, the results were minor, such as a disruption to the operation of the Tomb World's chronostat or revivification chambers, causing the inhabitants to awaken later than intended -- but some of the Tomb Worlds suffered more calamitous events.

Cascade failures of stasis-crypts destroyed millions, if not billions, of dormant Necrons. Some Tomb Worlds were destroyed by the retribution of marauding Eldar, their defence systems overmatched by these ancient enemies of the Necrons. Other Tomb Worlds fell victim to the uncaring evolution of the galaxy itself. Tectonically unstable planets crushed Necron strongholds slumbering at their hearts; stars went supernova, consuming orbiting Tomb Worlds in their death throes. And everywhere, inquisitive lifeforms scrabbled and fought over the bones of Necron territories, causing more damage in their unthinking search for knowledge than the vengeful Eldar ever could.

The Great Awakening has been far from precise, and the Necrons have not arisen as one people but in fitful starts over scattered millennia, like some gestalt sleeper rising from a troubled dream. Errors in circuitry and protocols ensured that a revivification destined to take place in the early years of the 41st Millennium of the Imperial Calendar actually began far earlier in a few cases, or has yet to occur at all in others. The very first Tomb Worlds revived to see the Great Crusade of the Emperor of Mankind sweep across the galaxy in the late 30th Millennium. A handful stirred in time to see the Nova Terra Interregnum, when Nova Terra challenged the might of the Golden Throne in the 34th Millennium for 900 years, or arose at the hour in which the Apostles of the Blind King waged their terrible wars that began in 550.M37. Some have still never awoken. Even now, at the close of the 41st Millennium, billions of Necrons still slumber in their stasis-tombs, silently awaiting the clarion call of destiny.

It is rare for a Tomb World to awaken to full function swiftly. With but the slightest flaw in the revivification cycle, the engrammatic pathways of a Necron sleeper scatter and degrade. In most cases, these coalesce over time to restore identity and purpose, but it is a process that can take decades, or even centuries, and cannot be hurried. Sometimes recovery never occurs and the sleeper is doomed forever to a mindless state.

There are thousands of Tomb Worlds scattered throughout the galaxy whose halls are thronged with shambling automatons, Necrons whose minds fled during the long hibernation, and whose bodies have been co-opted by a Tomb World's master autonomic program in an attempt to bring some form of order to their existence. Other Necrons refer to such places as the Severed Worlds, and they loathe and fear their inhabitants in equal measure. None of this is to say that even an individual lucky enough to achieve a flawless revivification awakens alert and aware.

One of the hidden tyrannies of biotransference was how it entrenched the gulf between the rulers and the ruled, for there were not enough resources to provide all Necrontyr with living metal bodies that possessed the density of engrammatic pathways required to retain the full gamut of personality and awareness. Thus, as was ever the case, the very finest necrodermis bodies went to those individuals of the highest rank within Necrontyr society: the Phaerons and Overlords, their Crypteks and Nemesors. For the professional soldiery, the merely adequate was deemed appropriate. As for the common people, they received that which remained: comparatively crude mechanical bodies that were little more than lobotomised prisons for their minds. Numb to all joy and experience, they are bound solely to the will of their betters, their function meaningless without constant direction. Yet even here a tiny spark of self-awareness remains, enough only to torment the Necron with memories and echoes of the past it once knew. For these tortured creatures, death would be far preferable but, alas, they no longer have the wit to realise it or the autonomy to search it out.

Having slept so still and for so long, it is not possible for a Tomb World to awaken quickly into a fully alert state. While dormant, each is controlled by a master artificial intelligence program that oversees its essential maintenance and defence, mobilising what resources it judges appropriate to any given situation or threat. As the long awaited time of awakening nears, as best can be judged by the master program, more of its systems are brought online and more of the interred revived. A Tomb World is at its most vulnerable during the revivification process. The colossal amounts of energy generated are detectable across light years, and are an irresistable lure to the inquisitive and acquisitive alike. In its early stages, a Tomb World's defence lies in the hands of the Necrons' robotic servitor constructs -- the Canoptek Spyders, Scarabs and Wraiths. Initially these defenders will be directed by the Tomb World's autonomic master program, whose complex algorithmic decision matrix allows it to calculate an efficient response to any perceived threat. As the threat level rises, so too does the intensity of the master program's countermeasures, prioritising the activation of the Tomb World's automated defences and the revivification of its armies according to the needs of the situation at hand. If all goes well, the master program's actions will be sufficient to drive out the invader, or at least stall their progress until the first Necron legions have awoken. Often, it is the lower order of Necrons, the Necron Warriors and Immortals, that are awakened in the initial phases. These nearly mindless automatons following their lifeless protocols are brought online first, so that the way might be prepared for the more senior members of the dynasty. As each tier in the Necron dynasty's hierarchy is revived, each more intelligent and bearing more individuality than the last, the whole process gradually begins to appear more like the workings of an ancient civilisation and less like that of some great machine. At the allotted time, a Necron Overlord is awakened, and upon his full revival the master program cedes power to its creators. From that point onward, a truly ancient mind leads the Tomb World, and what happens next depends entirely upon his character and ambition.

Having been awakened and control turned over to an Overlord, the Tomb World must in time take its place in the domains of the Necron dynasty that created it. While many dynasties have never awakened and, due to a variety of disasters never will, many are slowly piecing together their former domains. One world at a time, empires that vanished aeons ago are being rebuilt and long-dormant hierarchies are reasserting themselves once more. At the centre of each of these risen empires is a crown world, the glorious capital and seat of the Phaeron who rules an entire dynasty. Below it are numerous lesser Tomb Worlds and other Necron holdings, though rarely are these anywhere near as extensive as they were in their full glory 60 million years ago.

When a large population centre of a younger race of the galaxy has evolved or expanded across the stars close to a Tomb World, the encoded programming delves deep into its data archives and armouries in order to conduct an aggressive defence. Such Tomb Worlds are the ones that have expanded their spheres of influence most rapidly, for its rulers have awakened to find their full military might already mobilised and awaiting their commands. Indeed, the speed with which many Tomb Worlds of the Sautekh Dynasty have recovered lost territory is chiefly attributable to the (ultimately doomed) wave of Ulumeathi colonies established on their coreworlds during the late 39th Millennium.

To external observers, the behaviour of awoken Tomb Worlds must seem eclectic almost to the point of randomness. Some Necron Lords send diplomatic emissaries to other worlds, negotiating for the return of lost territories and technological artefacts, or cast off into the stars, searching for distant Tomb Worlds not yet awoken. Others focus attention inwards, avoiding unnecessary conflict with alien races to pursue internal politics or oversee the rebuilding of their planet to the glory of 60 million years past.

The vast majority of Tomb Worlds, however, take a more aggressive tack, launching resource raids, planetary invasions or the full-blown genocidal purges the Necrons' former C'tan masters once called "red harvests." Yet even here, it is impossible to predict the precise form these deeds will take. Sometimes the Necrons attack in the full panopoly and spectacle of honourable war, rigorously applying their ancient codes of battle. At others, every possible underhanded tactic is employed, from piracy and deception, to assassination and subornation. On other occasions, the campaign is less a martial action than a systematic extermination, the swatting of lesser lifeforms as they themselves would swat insects.

All of these acts, diverse though they are in scope and method, are directed towards a single common goal: the restoration of the Necron dynasties to rule over the galaxy. Yet, with the Triarch long gone and huge numbers of Tomb Worlds lying desolate or still dormant, there can be no galaxy-wide coordination, no grand strategy that will bring about Necron ascendancy. Instead, each Tomb World's ruler must fend for himself, pursuing whatever course he deems most suited to circumstance. For some, this is the domination of nearby threats and the sowing of terror on alien worlds. For others, it might be the recovery of cultural treasures of the lost Necrontyr, the stockpiling of raw strategic materials for campaigns yet to come, or even the search for an organic species whose bodies might prove to be suitable vessels for Necron minds, thus finally ending the curse of biotransference. Indeed, this last matter -- the apotheosis from undying machine back to living being -- is the key motivating factor for many Necron nobles and royals, for its possibility weighed heavily on the Silent King's mind at the moment of his final command.

All this is further complicated by the fact that the departure of the Silent King and the dissolution of the Necrontyr Empire's Triarch left no clear succession. As a result, the rulers of many Tomb Worlds see an opportunity not only to restore the dynasties of old, but also to improve their standing within the galaxy-wide Necron political hierarchy. The motives of Necron nobles and royals are often muddied by the pursuit of personal power, making accurate divination of an individual's intentions -- and therefore of the campaigns conducted by his undying legions -- nigh impossible.” Beryl’s advisors listened in horror, the Queen not even paying attention.

“Yes, how fascinating.” said Queen Beryl, her tone as flat and monotone as the Necron’s. Dr. Maniac listened intently, taking notes as if he were still in school. Imotekh looked at her.

 

“Tell me, if you would, how your Great Ruler was vanquished.”

 

Beryl growled, “...Her. Sailor Moon…”

 

“Ah. So the Moon Kingdom still endures. Interesting…”

 

“It really isn’t.” said Beryl. “...She now has the Corpse-God’s Light.”

 

“Irrelevant. She will die with all the rest when my conquest begins.”

 

Silently, Beryl swore that the Necron would not take her prize. The Stormlord regarded her.

 

“You are not afraid of me, are you?”

 

“Not at all, you homicidal, power-hungry tin can.”

 

“Do you know how many Necrons are housed in the average Tomb World?”

 

“No, and I do not care.”

 

“Around five million. I have over eighty under my rule.”

 

“Fascinating…” whispered Dr. Maniac. “Five million…and that’s only on a single world…”

 

Ahriman said, “So, you have roughly four hundred million Necrons at your command.”

 

“Correct.”

 

“Four hundred million…” said Dr. Maniac. “Oh, the possibilities for science…”

 

Kunzite whispered, “We're doomed…” Zolsite kissed his cheek gently, and said, “Do not worry. Our Great Ruler will be revived soon enough.”

 

Nephrite nodded. “Agreed. The Necrons will be no match for us.” he whispered.

 

The Stormlord noticed the Queen still looked completely unfazed. “Leave, Necron. Unless you have something for me.”

 

The cables came out of the Drone again. The threat was clear. Beryl immediately showed fear, putting her hands up in defense.

 

“I will do anything you ask, Lord Imotekh. Please don’t shock me again…”

 

“I, in fact, do have something for you.” Beryl slowly put her hands down warily. The doors opened, and fifty Necrons marched in. Before anyone could begin panicking, they stopped in front of her throne, not moving.

 

“You’re giving me some of your forces?”

 

“For the moment, our interests align. We both wish to see Core Earth, and humanity as a whole, fall.”

 

“Will I have any requirements I must adhere to? Or am I free to do with these Necrons as I please?”

 

Ahriman noted with amusement how...giddy Dr. Maniac was. “Fifty Necrons...I must study them so that I can further shed my organic parts…”

 

“You may study them, doctor, but you are not to attempt to take them apart. If you do, they'll likely kill you. As for what you may do with them, Queen Beryl...you can use them however you see fit, as long as it does not interfere with my plans.”

 

“Understood.” Queen Beryl said. “It has been good speaking with you, Stormlord.”

 

The hologram flickered out, the Drone cloaking itself and leaving. Dr. Maniac looked at the Necrons. “Not only will I study your biotransference, but you will help me in improving my Biobeasts…” Queen Beryl had an idea; a risky one, but an idea all the same: she would take half of these fifty Necrons, and merge them through magical means to create the ultimate Ranger-destroying weapon. The Necrons didn't move, save for one of them looking at her and speaking, “We are at your command, but we are loyal above all else to the Phaeron.”

 

Beryl gave a small nod, then said, “Half of you will go with the doctor so that he may study you. The other half will stay in this throne room. I have a task to assign you.”

 

Upon hearing what that task was, the Necron who had spoken flatly refused to do it. “We will fight for you, but we will not have out nature be changed.” Queen Beryl looked at the other Necrons. None of them spoke.

 

“Well?” she asked. “What do you have to say?”

 

“Many of them had their minds damaged by the Great Sleep, to the point that they are now little more than mindless drones. The others, to put it simply, do not think much of you.” The Necron said, clearly the voice of the group. This gave Beryl all the information she needed.

 

“Sorcerer,” she said to Ahriman. “Take all of these 25 Necrons...and merge all but one.”

 

He looked at her, before he started laughing.

 

“Why do you laugh?” Beryl asked, irritated.

 

“I'm not doing that.”

 

“...And why not?”

 

“I can do more good alive than dead, and Imotekh will kill me, and you, if I merge his soldiers into a monstrosity.” Beryl realized he had a point, and put her hubris aside.

 

“Fine. Then send all of them to Core Earth.”

 

He nodded, beginning his preparations. It would take some time for the spell that would send them to be ready.

 

The next day, life continued as normal, the news that the Power Rangers had returned spreading like wildfire. Usagi was busy reading a manga, idly minding her own business. The other Rangers had decided to meet at the Juice Bar, but Usagi declined to join them. Her hair was down permanently, her blonde locks flowing in the wind softly. Kras’hir sat near her, reading, of all things, the Bible. Usagi stared at her, briefly taking her eyes off the manga. “The Bible? I’m not the religious type, but in terms of the Imperium, I thought they were all gone?”

 

“As did I. I guess the False Emperor missed a few.” She shut it, setting it aside. Her eyes moved over Usagi’s body, noting how little the shirt and shorts she wore left to the imagination.

 

“That, and the Federation had some when they first came here about...800 years ago, if the history’s correct.” Usagi said, smiling at Kras'hir. The Daemoness grinned. They were in Usagi’s bedroom, Kras’hir having entered through the window. Luna was curled up on Usagi’s bed, napping. Artemis was in the Command Center, doing...something.

 

Kras’hir walked over to the window, looking out. “So this is Tokyo. Huh.”

 

Usagi laughed a bit. “Nooo, this is Coastal Falls, silly!” She then clarified, “This is Little Tokyo.”

 

“Oh, right. Pardon me, madam, for disgracing the name of the land of your forefathers.” Kras’hir said, bowing mockingly.

 

“You are pardoned.” Usagi said. Her parents already knew Kras’hir, her father happy for her. Her mother...wasn’t too happy, given her conservative Japanese upbringing. It had gotten so bad, Usagi had nearly revealed Kras’hir’s true nature in anger.

 

Kras’hir had eventually snapped, “Not everyone is like you, you bigoted thunder-cunt.” This had angered Usagi’s father Kenji, who loved his wife and daughter dearly.

 

“Never. Say that. To. My. Wife.”

 

She and Usagi had left not long after, both of them angry. Undyne had heard of their problem, and decided she’d let them stay at her place with Alphys. She was angry too, and had half a mind to teach Usagi’s mother a lesson. The only reason she didn’t was because of Alphys. Kras’hir knew how badly Usagi wanted to be accepted by both her parents, so the fact that her mother refused to do that angered the Daemoness. Things were still sour, so Alphys had built a bedroom for the two of them.

 

Kras’hir sat next to Usagi, looking over her shoulder as she read. Undyne was cooking dinner for the both of them, and Alphys was busy working on some new projects. Kras’hir, who wanted to make things better between the two of them and Usagi’s parents, had invited them over for dinner. Undyne had asked if this should be a fancy occasion. Kras’hir had answered, “No. They live simply, and eat in the same manner.” Usagi was understandably still nervous and angry, but her younger brother Shingo had called earlier, wanting his big sister to come home. As for Kenji, he had the same wishes as his son, and assured Usagi that her mother Ikuko would accept her no matter what.

 

The three of them coming over for dinner would certainly be interesting. Kras’hir greeted them at the door, a pleasant smile on her face. “Hello.”

 

“Hello, Krystal.” Kenji said, bowing. “How have you been?” Shingo didn’t bother with a greeting, instead he hugged Usagi when he saw her. Kras’hir bowed in return.

 

“I am well. I must apologize to you, sir. My insult to your wife was uncalled for. I was frustrated, and I lashed out. I am sorry.”

 

“I’m sorry for insulting you as well.” Kenji said, then not-so-subtly gently nudged his wife. “Dear, is there something you’d like to say?” Ikuko didn’t answer. “...Dear? Are you alright?” Kenji asked, concerned. ‘Krystal’ looked at her, as well.

 

“Are you well, madam?” She still didn’t answer.

 

“Excuse us a moment, will you?” Kenji said. Kras’hir nodded, stepping back and turning to Usagi and Shingo. The boy was still hugging his sister.

 

“P-please…” he sobbed. “Come home…”

 

Kras’hir went into the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of strong liquor from the fridge. She whispered, “Lord Khorne, bless this bottle, so that I may avoid killing myself by the end of the night. Amen…”

 

She poured herself a glass, going back into the living room. Shingo looked at her. “Who’s Lord Khorne?” Usagi’s eyes widened. Oh, crap…

 

Kras’hir smiled, lying smoothly, “Oh, it's a little inside joke with my sister. She and I are quite fond of role-playing games, and we have our own little pantheon of gods. We pray to them as a joke now and then.” Usagi let out a quiet sigh of relief. Shingo only became more interested.

 

“Cool! What other gods are there?”

 

Kras’hir answered, chuckling a bit, “I based a few of them off of my father and uncles. Lord Khorne is based off of my father, Karl. Then there is Slaanesh, based off of my uncle Sid. Then Nurgle, based off uncle Nigel. Finally, there is Tzeentch, based off uncle Thomas.” Shingo listened intently. Pray that the Powers wouldn’t target him, Usagi thought.

 

Kras’hir sat. “So, I'm curious. What was Usagi like when she was young?”

 

Shingo shrugged. “Dunno. I wasn’t born yet.” The boy then asked, “Hey, where are Mom and Dad?”

 

Meanwhile, the ‘moment’ between Kenji and Ikuko had devolved into an argument. “Why can’t you accept our daughter for who she is?! Is it any wonder she fails her classes constantly? You put too much pressure on her, Ikuko!” Kenji, normally a kind and mild-mannered office worker, was coming undone.

 

“And you put too little! She needs to bring honor to the family name, not tarnish it!”

 

“Honor. HONOR?! What about respecting her for who she is?!”

 

“It's not natural! People are not meant to sleep with others of the same sex! What about that is so hard to understand?!”

 

“Not natural?! Ikuko...listen to me, and listen good: Usagi is our daughter, and no matter what you think, you need to respect her as much as she respects us.”

 

Ikuko paused, looking away from him. She sighed, “You're right. I hate to admit it, but you're right.”

 

Kenji looked at his wife, now much calmer. “...I’m not sure if Usagi will come back home anytime soon, but if she does want to, you need to show her you’ve changed.”

 

“I may never like it, but regardless of her choices, she is my daughter. I will love her no matter what.”

 

“Good.” replied Kenji, and they walked back inside. Kras’hir was looking out the window, humming to herself. Usagi sat by her, looking at her mother with a slightly upset look. Ikuko sighed, before walking over to her.

 

“Usagi...I may not agree with your...lifestyle, but you are still my daughter, and I love you.”

 

“How do I know you mean that?” Usagi asked, understandably suspicious.

 

Kenji sighed and said, “I talked to her.”

 

Kras’hir said nothing, merely taking a sip off her drink. Usagi held Kras’hir’s hand and said, “...There’s something else you need to know…”

 

“Hmm?” Kenji inquired, looking at his daughter. “And what’s that?”

 

Kras’hir gently took Usagi’s hand in both of hers, setting down her drink, before saying to Kenji,  “We were thinking about adopting a child.”

 

That, technically, wasn't a lie, as the two had discussed it. She knew it wasn't what Usagi was going to say, but she didn't want to make them drop dead from shock. Shingo and his father spit out the sodas they were drinking.

 

“WHAT?!” Kenji asked, shocked. Ikuko stared at them both, her eyes wide. Kras’hir nodded in confirmation. “You heard me right.”

 

“I think it’s good you’re making plans for the future, but at the very least, wait until Usagi finishes school.” Kenji stated, facepalming. Kras’hir’s lips twitched.

 

“Oh, we have already worked that out. We'll look into adoption after the wedding.”

 

This made Ikuko, who had opened a soda herself and taken a sip, swallow too quickly out of surprise, leading to a coughing fit. Kenji patted his wife’s back to help her stop coughing. “...Again,” he said. “Wait until my daughter finishes school.”

 

“I think it’s great Usagi’s getting married,” said Shingo. “But aren’t you guys rushing it?”

 

Kras’hir was about to answer, before Ikuko muttered, “I hope you don't expect me to go…”

 

This made the Daemoness crush the glass she was holding, her hand beginning to bleed. “Oh my God!” said Usagi, running off to get something to absorb the blood. Kenji glared at his wife. An awkward silence fell. Usagi soon returned with some bandages. Kras’hir thanked her, staring calmly at Ikuko. Ikuko said nothing, just...staring back.

 

“What did I ever do to you? Hmm? What did I do to make you despise me so much?”

 

“You’re not natural...inhuman.” Kenji just facepalmed more, angered.

 

“Have you ever heard of Dante Aligheri, Mrs. Tsukino?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“He viewed traitors as the worst form of sinner, and wrote them in the Inferno as being condemned to the ninth, and final, circle of Hell. I hope, really, sincerely hope, that you end up there.”

 

“I’m no traitor.” she replied.

 

“You're a traitor to your family. You've betrayed your obligation to love your daughter, no matter what she chooses to do.” Kenji said nothing, just looking at his wife with anger and disappointment.

 

“Let’s go.” he said. Kras’hir laughed bitterly.

 

“You know, I thought hard for hours on end what I would say when I met you both. I wanted you both to approve of me, because I knew it would cause Usagi grief and frustration if we didn't get along. I love her too much to ever want to see her in pain…”

 

“...I’m happy for you both.” said Kenji. “I don’t care where Usagi leans. As long as she’s happy, I’m happy.”

 

“I know that. What I don't understand is why your wife doesn't feel the same.”

 

“I don’t understand it either. And to be frank, I also understand if Usagi doesn’t want to come home.” he said, leaving with Ikuko and Shingo. Kras’hir could see the tears welling in Usagi’s eyes. Usagi ran to her girlfriend and hugged her tightly, tears beginning to flow. Kras’hir stroked her hair. “Shhh...shhh...I'm here…” Undyne walked in, a massive plate of spaghetti in hand.

 

“...FFFUCKFUCKFUCK!” she swore. “Um, is this a bad time?”

 

Kras’hir asked, “Could you give us a minute?” Undyne nodded, walking into Alphys’ lab with the spaghetti. Alphys looked at her, surprised. “Oh! Hello, Undyne.”

 

Then she saw the expression on her girlfriend’s face. “...What happened?”

 

“...Everything.”

 

“Oh, dear…”

 

Undyne briefly explained, having overheard the entire thing. Alphys sighed.

 

“I hoped this would go well. Usagi needs to feel accepted, or else she might start feeling shame about being in love with another girl.”

 

“You and I both know how that is.”

 

“Yes. Yes, we do.” Alphys replied, her tone sad.

 

Kras’hir, meanwhile, was still holding Usagi close. Usagi just kept crying and crying. Kras’hir kept stroking her hair, rubbing her back with her other hand. Usagi relaxed in her grip, sniffling softly.

 

“It's okay, Usagi. Let it all out. It's alright…” Another burst of tears. Kras’hir rested her head on Usagi’s shoulder, still stroking her hair. Usagi’s tears were eventually spent, and she dried her eyes. Kras’hir kept her close, not wanting to let her go.

 

“I love you, you know.”

 

“I know. I love you too.”

 

Kras’hir continued gently rubbing her girlfriend’s back. Usagi smiled, soon drifting into sleep. Kras’hir carried her to the bed they shared, laid her down, and covered her up. She kissed Usagi’s head before walking back to the dinner table. Undyne had returned, sitting next to her.

 

“I’m sorry this whole night turned out to be such a shit one.”

 

“Did you two experience something similar?” Kras’hir asked, looking at her.

 

“Not really. My parents are dead.”

 

“I more meant from anyone.”

 

“Some people. Humans, mainly.”

 

“Humans are notorious for hating anyone who isn't them.”

 

“Monsterkind knows that pretty well.” Undyne replied. “Why else were we banished into the Underground for hundreds of years?”

 

“Of course, sometimes this hate is justified. As much as I loathe to admit it, the Imperium of Man was an example of humans being justified in their hatred.”

 

“So I keep hearing. Alphys wants to know if there’s any surviving Imperial tech. Y’know, for study.”

 

“Ever heard of the Adeptus Mechanicus?”

 

“Nope. Why?”

 

“They were one of the many factions that made up the Imperium. When the False Emperor was reuniting humanity, he found on Mars a strange priesthood devoted to the preservation of what knowledge remained. This Mechanicum, later renamed the Adeptus Mechanicus, became a vital part of the Imperium, providing technical expertise, planet-wide factories known as Forge Worlds that produce everything from lasguns to civilian goods, and incredible weapons such as the Titan Legions. They were theoretically subordinate to the Imperium, and their highest-ranking member was one of the twelve High Lords of Terra, but the Machine Cult had its own specialized army, the Skitarii, and ran the aforementioned Titan Legions, standing slightly apart from the Imperium of Man despite propping it up. Mars itself was not only the Mechanicus' capital, it was one of the most important Forge Worlds in the Imperium, and housed several Titan legions.

The Adeptus Mechanicus were not just humanity's last source of technological knowledge; they actively worshipped machinery, and venerated the False Emperor as an aspect of an entity they called the Omnissiah. They believed that all devices have a "machine spirit" that must be placated in order for them to function properly, and therefore the Machine Cult's maintenance rituals involved a lot of incense, sacred oils, and chanting. This is a bunch of ignorant superstition that should have had no effect on how devices function...but nonetheless, it seemed to help. They also held that for humans to perfect themselves they must take on more aspects of the machine, and therefore underwent voluntary augmetic "upgrades," be they mechadendrites or other artificial limbs, or replacing the illogical half of their brain with a computer. Calling a Tech-Priest "more machine than man" was a compliment, and most Imperial citizens found the Priesthood of Mars hard to relate to, yet necessary.

While gifted mechanics and craftsmen, Adeptus Mechanicus orthodoxy held that all technological advances have already been discovered, and they therefore placed more emphasis on reverse-engineering or recovering old knowledge than they did on experimentation or upgrades. Thus, the Mechanicus kept mankind's technology working for ten thousand years, but has made little to no technological progress in that time. In fact, they had actually regressed, making some starships, weapons, and other devices irreplaceable because the Tech-Priests didn't know how to build them any more. They were a parallel to medieval craftsman's guilds in the way they preserved skill but quashed innovation with a monopoly on technology.  

 

When the Doom War destroyed the Imperium, many of the factions that made it up survived, including the Adeptus Mechanicus. They began fanatically gathering whatever technology they could, and took up residence in Imperial factories, Titan forges, and other related sites of technology that had survived. As far as I know, they still lurk in these places, conducting their rituals.”

 

“So, they’re still on Core Earth, somewhere…”

 

“Core Earth, Mars, and hundreds of thousands of other worlds.”

 

“What’s happened to the ‘million worlds’ of the Imperium?” Undyne asked.

 

“Some fell into the Warp. Others are inhabited by Orks. Still others are under the control of the Tau Empire, which has become a force to be reckoned with. Many are inhabited by loyalist Space Marine Legions. A lot of them are barren rocks, stripped bare by Tyranids eons ago. Necron Tomb Worlds lurk beneath the surface of others, under the control of various dynasties.”

 

“...This galaxy is absolute shit.”

 

“Then there are the Eldar. Ever heard of them?”

 

“Nope.”

 

Kras’hir explained the history of the Eldar to her, including the depravities of their empire, along with their Fall. Undyne shuddered in horror, not wanting to think about it.

 

“The Eldar split into two factions after the Fall. Some lived in Craftworlds, giant ships that can support millions of inhabitants. Others became Dark, and lived in the city of Commorragh. Both, however, had the same goal: Keeping She Who Thirsts from claiming their souls.  The Craftworld Eldar did, and do, this by abstaining from murder and torture. The Dark Eldar, who embraced the hedonism that doomed the empire, felt their souls being drained. So, they began using the pain and suffering of others to draw the eye of the Prince of Pain away from them. The Eldar survived the Fall of the Imperium, and felt peace from the watchful eye of Slaanesh, as Their gaze was locked on the dying Imperium, where pain and suffering were immense. The Eldar still endure, either traveling on their Craftworlds....or lurking in the Dark City, torturing slaves and conducting raids into realspace, eternally seeking souls to break…”

 

This angered Undyne to the point where she summoned her spear and stabbed it into the floor. Kras’hir blinked, surprised at the sudden bout of rage. “What?”

 

“Why are you so enraged?”

 

“The fact that an entire species is willing to do that to stave off some pleasure god pisses me off.” Kras’hir, who knew very well the fate that awaited the Eldar who were unfortunate enough to die, said, “For them, death is not the end. Rather, it ushers in pain and suffering that makes being tortured look pleasant.” Undyne said nothing, still pissed. Kras’hir decided to change the subject.

 

“Let's not let this food you made go to waste, Undyne. It would be rude of me to not enjoy it after you spent that much time making it.” Undyne led her to Alphys’ lab, where the huge plate of pasta was still waiting. Kras’hir ate.

 

“This is great, Undyne.” She said, smiling a bit.

 

“Thanks. I enjoy cooking.” Undyne said.

 

“It must feel odd, having someone like me eating with you, considering you've seen what this ring hides.”

 

“Not really. You’re talking to a lesbian fish lady, remember?”

 

“I was human once, you know.”

 

“You were?” Undyne asked, briefly slipping back into her personality as a kid: curious, always wanting to hear a story, especially if it was one of adventure. Kras’hir sighed.

 

“Yes. I was born on a backwater world known as Diagis, where slavery was widespread. I knew the bite of the chain and the kiss of the lash from a very young age.”

 

“I’m sorry to hear.” said Undyne. “You don’t have to tell me this if you don’t want.”

 

“No, it's alright. I played the part of the good slave for years, but I was angrier inside than you would believe. Swearing myself to the Blood God was easy. I heard His voice in my dreams one night, offering me the strength and will to escape. The next morning, I broke my chains as my master was walking by, and tore out his throat with my teeth.”

 

“...Good.” said Undyne, crossing her arms. “I guess Khorne then turned you into your regular form as a reward?”

 

“Nope. I was rewarded with anger and bloodlust. I killed everyone else in the area, including my own family. This drove me insane, and I became a crazed berserker for a long while. I killed men, women, children...in my fractured mental state, I slaughtered without discrimination.” Undyne listened, only nodding to confirm she was still paying attention.

 

“After fighting in the Horus Heresy, when the False Emperor’s favorite son betrayed Him, the number of lives I had taken numbered in the tens of millions. I was feared and hated by many. After I finally fell, collapsing from many bleeding wounds, Lord Khorne turned me into a Daemon Prince.”

 

“So, Daemon Prince is a gender-neutral term?” Undyne asked.

 

“Essentially. Daemons don't really give a fuck about gender, as many of us change gender at will.” This intrigued Undyne.

 

“So, how’d you fall in love with Usagi? I swear, it’s like you two were destined for each other.”

 

Kras’hir told her the whole story, not wanting to lie to Undyne. “Ah, I see.”

 

“She makes me happy. That doesn't happen often.”

 

“Like me and Alphys.” Alphys, who had been silent throughout their conversation, smiled.

 

“I'm glad I make you happy, Undyne.”

 

“Thanks, babe.” Undyne said, snickering as she watched Alphys blush. Kras’hir said calmly, “I'm half-tempted to go after Usagi’s mother and tear out her throat.”

 

“I am too, but it won’t make you look any better, now would it?”

 

“Killing always makes me feel better.”

 

“Still, killing her isn’t the answer.”

 

“I know, but I'm still pissed.”

 

“I know you are.” said Undyne, still eating the spaghetti. Kras’hir leaned back in the chair she was sitting in, sighing.

 

“I love Usagi too much to see her hurting like she is.”

 

“Everything will be better.” said Undyne. Kras’hir nodded, getting up. “I'm going to her.”

 

She left the room, walking to the bedroom she shared with Usagi. She entered and laid down on the bed next to her girfriend. Usagi was still asleep, curled into a ball. Kras’hir gently snuggled up to her, humming softly. Usagi uncurled herself, and feeling Kras’hir next to her, wrapped her arms around the Daemoness. Kras’hir smiled, kissing her cheek.

 

“I don't know what I'd be if I never met you, but I don't want to find out…” Usagi smiled in her sleep. Kras’hir stroked her hair, continuing to hum. Usagi slowly awoke, opening her eyes wearily.

 

“Hello, my love.” Kras’hir whispered.

 

“Hello.”

 

“How are you feeling?”

 

“Better.”

 

“Good.” Usagi hugged her. Kras’hir returned the hug. She smiled.

 

“This night didn't go as well as I hoped it would.” Kras’hir sighed. Usagi nodded.

 

“...I don’t know what to do…”

 

“About what?”

 

“About this whole situation.”

 

“...Are you ashamed of our relationship? You sound like you are…”

 

“No, no...far from it. I’m just ashamed of all the stuff that happened tonight.”

 

“The only reason your mother still has her head is because I know how upset you would be if I removed it.” Kras’hir growled, still angry. Usagi patted her shoulder, trying to calm her down. Kras’hir exhaled, relaxing a bit.

 

“You good?”

 

“Yeah. Yeah, I'm good. Come on. Undyne probably wants to talk to you.” Kras’hir got up, exiting the room. Usagi left and followed Kras’hir to Alphys’ lab.

 

“Undyne?” she asked. “You said you wanted to talk?”

“Yeah.” Usagi walked over, and sat.

 

“Listen, I know this night didn’t go the way either you or Kras’hir wanted. But you need to cheer up. Things will get better.” She then looked at Kras’hir. The Daemoness looked back at her.

 

“What?”

 

“Say something.”

 

“...Something.”

 

“Not funny.”

 

Do you know how old I am, Undyne?” The Daemoness asked.

 

“No.”

 

“I'll be eighty thousand next month.”

 

“E-eighty….thousand?!”

 

“Yep.” Both Usagi and Undyne stared at her. Kras’hir chuckled.

 

“How old did you think I was? I became a Daemon in the 31st Millennium. The Imperium lasted for forty-thousand more years after that, then it took the Federation that much time to reach where it is now. In my life, I have killed...well, what's the population of Core Earth?”

 

“I’m not good with numbers, but I’d say a lot.” Usagi said.

 

Alphys said, turning to them, “There are roughly fifteen billion people that call this world home.”

 

Kras’hir nodded. “My kill count is four times that.”

 

“...Damn.” said Undyne. “So we’re talking about...60 billion?”

 

“Yep. I've participated in the genocide of entire races, set cities ablaze and killed everyone who lived, massacred the sick and crippled, wiped out entire armies, and slain warriors and commanders considered to be legends.” Usagi and Undyne continued staring, unable to process this information.

 

“I may be relaxed and loving with Usagi, but I'm still a warrior of Khorne, a killer at heart. Believe me, I'm not a good person.”

 

“Not everyone is.” Usagi said flatly. The conversation was interrupted, however, from a rumbling outside. Undyne went to look and see what it was, and saw 25 Necrons marching in the streets of Coastal Falls. Kras’hir took off her ring, drew her blades, and smashed through the wall once again, plunging downwards. Undyne, deciding to join in the battle, followed Kras’hir; Usagi morphed and did the same. The Necrons opened fire with their gauss rifles, Kras’hir suffered horrid burns, the gauss rounds burning off chunks of skin. Undyne quickly got in front of her, and tossed her spear at several Necrons. The spear managed to go through several of the skeletal robots effortlessly.

 

They barely noticed. The impaled Necrons shot her point blank several times. Undyne kept summoning spears impaling them more. If anything, she was indeed determined. Considering the gauss rounds had set her clothes on fire and burned off all of the skin on her left arm and leg, she was indeed determined. Undyne ignored the pain, and kept launching.  When she gave into her injuries, Usagi carried her back to Alphys’ lab, then went to finish the job.

 

There was no job to finish. The Necrons had removed the spears, throwing them aside, the damage caused by them being fixed within minutes. The machines kept marching in formation without pause. Usagi unsheathed the Full Moon Blade, and silently told Kras’hir to get back. The Daemoness did...and Usagi struck against the Necrons. When the light cleared...the Necrons kept marching. Several of them were reduced to crawling, their legs missing, but their advance was barely slowed. Usagi opened communications with the Command Center. “Omnus...we have a problem…”

 

“What is it?”

 

Usagi explained, then asked, “...Are those the Necrons you were talking about?”

 

His response was short and blunt, “Yes. Oh, fuck me…”

 

“What do I do?!”

 

“Keep your distance. Necrons, when they die, tend to, well...explode.”

 

“Hasn’t everything else we’ve faced?”

 

“No. Everything else you've faced has merely destroyed itself by exploding. A Necron self-destructing would take out the entire block you're standing in.”

 

“So what do I do? Just keep my distance...then what?”

 

“Try to get them out of the city, and for the love of the Emperor, don't get your teammates involved.”

 

“Right.” Usagi said, then stood in the path of the Necrons. She would be in their line of sight, and therefore they would be after her. Sure enough, the Necrons marched toward her, opening fire again. Usagi took that as her cue to run. And run she did, the spandex-like material of her Ranger suit acting more like an extremely strong and powerful armor, enough to withstand Necron firepower. It wouldn't withstand it forever though, so speed was paramount. Usagi ran faster, hopping on rooftops at times to go faster. Eventually, they exited the city, and the Mark of Khorne on her back glowed, burning a bit. “OK, Omnus, they’re out of the city...what now?”

 

A voice spoke in her mind, louder than Omnus, “Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. KILL! KILL! KILL!” Usagi gave into her Khornate urges, and slaughtered the Necrons. From many miles away, the people of Coastal Falls would see a bright explosion. When Kras’hir found Usagi, her girlfriend was naked, most of her hair seared off. The Full Moon Blade was in her right hand, dripping with what passed for Necron blood. Usagi panted, her eyes red with rage.

 

Kras’hir could hear Usagi muttering to herself, “Rip and tear...kill them all...rip and tear…” Usagi stared at Kras’hir, as the other Rangers teleported to their location so they could see what was going on.

 

“Hooooly shit, Usagi…” said Naruto. “What happened to you?”

 

Kras’hir answered, “She gave into her rage, and did the only thing in life that is meaningful: Kill.”

 

“Sweet Christ…” muttered Lettuce. “She looks like that girl from that one story about the combs and the pocket watch…” Toby and Naruto stared at him. “...Gift of the Magi? Hellooo?”

 

Kras’hir said loudly, “Lord Khorne! Send us enemies! We wish to worship You!”

 

Back at Queen Beryl’s fortress, she was watching the whole thing. “...Curses…” she muttered, fear in her voice. Khorne had obliged His Herald, and Daemons had invaded the area. Usagi and Kras’hir were murdering them. Violently. The other Rangers fled, knowing that they themselves wouldn’t survive that battle, as neither the Daemons nor Usagi would avoid striking them in the heat of combat. Toby ran with Ebony, and asked, “Mind if I crash at your place tonight?”

 

Her answer was cut off by Kras’hir roaring, “MAIM! KILL! SLAUGHTER! BURN! MAIM! KILL! SLAUGHTER! BURN!”

 

“Let’s get farther away, then I’ll try asking, yeah?”

 

Ebony didn't answer, as she had already sprinted ahead of him. “WAIT UP!” Once Toby had managed to catch up, he asked, “...Why are you so much faster than me?!”

 

“Blame the vampire in me.”

 

“As I was saying before, mind if I crash at your place tonight?”

 

“Why?”

 

“No reason.” Toby lied. He was attracted to her, and his wanting to crash at her place was an excuse for permission to enter a polyamorous relationship.

 

“Bullshit. If you want to sleep with me, Toby, just say so. I can tell by the way you're looking at me that's what you want.” She purred seductively.

 

“...You are such a slu-uuuhhh, I mean…” Toby said nervously.

 

“A slut? You're not wrong.” She giggled.

 

“They oughta call you Janet.” Toby said, knowing Ebony enjoyed Rocky Horror. “Ya know, cause audience participation?”

 

Ahriman, who was watching this, grew bored, turning his gaze away from them as Ebony giggled and invited him over. As he watched the battle going on between the Daemons of Khorne, Kras’hir and Usagi, he said idly to the Queen, “You were a fool to send them all in at once.”

 

“You honestly feel that I’d waste a powerful resource like the Necrons by treating them like my youma?”

 

“Yes. Because you are a child playing God.” This angered Beryl, and she sicced the two Mekboys on him...or attempted to, before being stopped by Dr. Maniac, who was none too pleased with her attempt. Ahriman was unimpressed with Beryl.

 

“Even your pawns defy you, Your Grace.” The sorcerer said, his tone contemptuous.

 

“...Get out.” Beryl growled, though she knew it was no use.

 

“No. You see, I am not a servant you can command. You and I are allies merely out of convenience.”

 

“As long as you are in my castle, you are under my command.”

 

He looked at her advisors. “Any of you have something to say?” No one said anything, remember what happened to Jaedite. Finally, Nephrite spoke.

“We do not need you to create youma, you know.”

 

“Oh? And how many other sorcerers do you have at your disposal?”

 

“...All of us are skilled sorcerers.”

 

“Liar.”

 

“He does not lie.” Zoisite said. “We have all created youma for our Grace in the past.”

 

“Really? Show me. Now.” Zoisite did so, creating a youma. Ahriman killed it with a casual swing of his staff, snorting. “Weak.”

 

He then turned to Beryl. “I have no interest in dethroning you, Your Grace. Rather, I intend to ensure you keep your throne for as long as possible.”

 

“Is that so? Then you will serve me, creating a new youma once every human week. Kunzite, care to explain the limitations of the spells?”

 

Kunzite was about to, before Ahriman cut him off irritably, “I already know about the restrictions. How do you think I created them before? And, let me make one thing clear: I. Serve. No one. I could have killed you the very moment I arrived here, Your Grace, but I did not. Remember that.” Beryl simply nodded.

 

Meanwhile, Toby was in Ebony’s living room, sitting on the couch. “...Do I smell brownies?” he asked. She nodded, going to get them. He waited patiently, licking his lips. When she came back, carrying a plate of brownies, she was wearing an apron...and nothing else. “Daaamn.” he said, taking a brownie and biting into it. “...What’s in these? They taste weird.”

 

She giggled. “Oh, just a little something to make eating them more fun.” Toby started to feel oddly relaxed, and he began laughing suddenly.

 

“Ahhh, shit...what’s in these, seriously? Makes me feel good.”

 

Ebony didn't answer. Instead, she kissed him, untying the apron and letting it fall to the floor. Toby kissed her back, snuggling into her and laughing stupidly. She led him to her bedroom. The rest of the night was very enjoyable for them both.

 

Kras’hir, meanwhile, had come down from her battle-high, and was cleaning her blades. Usagi cleaned her own blade, feeling satisfied with the battle. Kras’hir looked at her.

 

“You enjoy it, don't you? The thrill of the hunt, and of killing everything in your way.”

 

“Of course, love.”

 

“Has the False Emperor spoken to you since you took the Mark?”

 

“No. I think He’s disappointed in me.”

 

“Be honest: Do you really care?”

 

“To a degree, yeah.”

 

“Why only to a degree?”

 

“Because He’s...my dad.”

 

“Fuck, this'll be awkward to explain to your parents.” Kras’hir snorted.

 

“That is, if I move back in any time soon.”

 

“If you do move back in, that means I'll have to move in. And I'd prefer not to do that.”

 

“Well, we’re stuck then.”

 

“Hey, I'm fine with where we are now.”

 

She then looked Usagi over, taking in her nude form. “You like this?” she purred. Kras’hir nodded, beginning to grow a bit wet. She removed her armor, and went to Usagi. They made sweet love right there in the field.

 

Back at Ebony’s home the two were high as absolute hell on pot, and listening to music. Ebony was giggling madly at nothing. “Holy shit, this feeling’s awesome…” said Toby, splayed out nude on her bed. “My Chemical Romance sounds so different when you’re stoned…”

 

Ebony was nude, as well, and was laying next to him, the two of them having just finished another round of lovemaking. “Yeah...you're right…”

 

“Got more psychedelic sounding stuff?” It was a stupid question, since what Ebony mainly listened to was emo and pop-punk, at least from his point of view. Ebony instead shut off the radio, got on top of him, and whispered seductively, “Let's make our own music…”

 

“I can’t tell whether you’re wanting to fuck again, or you actually want to make music.”

 

She answered his question by gyrating her hips against his. And just like that, they were making love again.

 

Omnus, meanwhile, sat next to Hedrian, holding her hands in his. “The Necrons are returning…” she whispered, frightened. He nodded, giving her hands a gentle squeeze reassuringly.

 

“Don't be scared, Hedrian. We'll get through this.”

 

“I trust in you, Omnus...but I’m still scared.”

 

He put an arm around her, pulling her close to him. She wrapped her arms around him, softly singing the first few lines of an ancient folk standard.

 

“My girl, my girl, don't lie to me

 

Tell me where did you sleep last night

 

In the pines, in the pines

 

Where the sun don't ever shine

 

I would shiver the whole night through…” Alpha meanwhile, was working on creating new weapons for the Rangers. Omnus replied to Hedrian, trying to reassure her, by way of reciting an old Imperial creed.

 

“We believe in one Lord, the Emperor, the Almighty, ruler of heaven and earth, of all that is, seen and unseen. We believe in one Lord, Emperor of Mankind, the only Lord of creation, eternally begotten of Humanity, Human from Human, Light from Light, true Lord from true Lord, begotten, not made, of one Being with Humanity; through Him all things were made. For us and for our salvation He came down from heaven, was incarnate of the Holy Spirit and came among us. For our sake He has faced down Chaos; He withstood death and was enthroned. To this day He lives on in accordance with the Scriptures; He resides upon Mother Terra and is seated upon the throne of Humanity. He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and His kingdom will have no end.

We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Emperor, the giver of life, who proceeds from Humanity and from Terra, who with Humanity and upon Terra is worshiped and glorified, who has spoken through the prophets. We believe in one holy true and divinely guided Ecclesiarchy. We acknowledge one path for the defense against Chaos. We look for the justice for our dead, and the life of the worlds to come.” Hedrian wrapped her arms around him tighter.

 

“Could you both please keep it down?” Alpha asked. “Creating these new Power Weapons takes the utmost concentration.”

 

Omnus nodded, keeping Hedrian close to him. The rest of the week passed uneventfully, for the most part. Usagi still hadn’t moved back in with her family, and Toby was experiencing family drama himself. Naruto kept training, Lettuce and Pinkie living blissfully in their relationship. Kras’hir went hunting periodically, killing invading Daemons, as well as criminals. One day, Toby came into school late, having gotten into an argument with his mom. “Geez, what’s up with you?” Smash asked. “You haven’t been acting like, well, you.”

 

“Talk to Ebony. I’m not telling you shit.”

 

Kras’hir, who had begun attending school as ‘Krystal’, rolled her eyes. “Watch out, we got a badass over here!”

 

“Shut up, Krystal…”

 

“Seriously, what is up with you lately, man?” Lettuce asked. “Is it puberty?” Toby put his head on his desk, deciding it was naptime. ‘Krystal’ sniffed, then wrinkled her nose.

 

“Sweet godly fuck, his breath stinks.”

 

“I don’t know what that smell is, but it isn’t good.” Naruto said.

 

“Anyone else smell pot?” asked Woolbur Fleecely, a green anthro sheep.

 

“Mrrrgh…” growled Toby. Kras’hir was about to speak, before she stopped. Blood was running down her face and chin, coming from her nose. Her head began to hurt, causing her to groan.

 

“Medical emergency!” said Pinkie, helping Kras’hir out of her chair, and leading her out. Kras’hir shrugged her off.

 

“I've had worse. It is not the bleeding that I am worried about.”

 

“Well then, what is it?”

 

“I can feel...Him. The False-Emperor.”

 

Usagi overheard this, and peeked out to see what was going on. “You can feel Him?” she asked.

 

“Yes...GET OUT OF MY HEAD! GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!”

 

“Ummm...can we be excused?” Usagi asked the teacher. “There’s a...bit of a problem.”

 

Before anything more could be said, Kras’hir went silent, and her eyes turned a bright white. She spoke, but the voice was not her own. “Hello, Usagi.”

 

She was once more taken aback. “H-hello.”

 

“It is your Father speaking.”

 

“What do you want? I’m a bit busy…”

 

“Busy? Do you think your schooling is relevant in the face of what is coming?”

 

The voice of the Emperor, while not a bellow, was not soft, but rather commanding and loud. Everyone, Rangers and not, could hear Him.

 

“You are all excused.” the teacher said, afraid. Before anyone could leave, the Emperor said, “Do. Not. Move.”

 

When He was certain no one was trying to leave, He spoke again, addressing Usagi. “The Necrons you slew were only scouts. Others will come. Imotekh, the Stormlord, has his gaze set on this world even now. His armies are marching, moving on Federation territory. Millions will die in the coming months.

 

He is not the only threat, however. Chaos, ever shifting, is on the move. Daemon Princes, including My own sons, are plotting, gathering their strength and forces for an assault that will shake the Federation to its very core. The Dark Gods have turned Their gaze intently upon your team, watching very closely to see what you all will do next. After all, you all bear Their Marks, and the Gods do not forget that.

 

The Tau are on the move, as well. I have heard whispers that they are preparing for a long war. The Orks are growing restless, awaiting the arrival of a new Warboss that will lead them on a bloody campaign of pillaging and death. The Craftworld Eldar continue their plots, and the Dark Eldar continue their raids. And, outside the galaxy, the Great Devourer is stirring once again. The Hive Mind, ever hungry, is drawn to the Federation and it's worlds like a wolf to fresh meat. Soon, the first Hive Fleet will arrive, and if the galaxy is not prepared, every civilization will suffer the same fate as My Imperium.”

 

“...Being a hero is getting way too tough…” muttered Naruto. Everyone in the room who was not a part of the team was scared out of their minds.

 

“Can we leave now?” someone asked.

 

The Emperor was about to speak again, before His glowing eyes began flickering, and Kras’hir bellowed, “GET OUT OF MY HEAD, FALSE-EMPEROR! CORPSE-GOD! DEAD LORD! ROTTING KING!”

 

“...Usagi,” said Lettuce. “We need to go. Our cover’s gonna get blown…”

 

The Emperor regained control, addressing Usagi again, “Now that you bear the Mark of Khorne, daughter of Mine, how will you use it?”

 

“To save my home.” Usagi answered with honesty. The Emperor addressing her as ‘daughter’ caught the attention of many, who turned to look at Usagi. “Ummm, uhhh…”

 

“Holy crap.” said Bash. “What else have you been hiding from us, Usagi?”

 

“Ummm...uhhhh…”

Kras’hir once again regained control, growling, her eyes red.

 

“Alright, confession time…” said Usagi. “Lettuce, Toby, Naruto, myself, Pinkie, and Ebony...are the Power Rangers.”

 

“I knew it…” Smash said to Bash. “I knew that Pink Ranger seemed familiar…”

 

Another student asked, “So, what about Krystal? How does she fit into all this?” Usagi answered by slipping off her ring.

 

“That.” answered Usagi. “That’s how.”

 

The twenty-foot tall Bloodthirster of Khorne snorted. “My name is Kras’hir, Herald of the Blood God, Butcher of Worlds, Devourer of Men, Slayer of Kings.”

 

“And I am Usagi Tsukino, daughter of the long-gone Emperor of Man, Bane of the Warp, among other titles. All I ask of everyone in this room is that you say nothing of these revelations.”

 

Kras’hir said, “If any of you tell anyone, I'll nail you to a wall and make you watch as I kill your entire fucking family.” Everyone nodded.

 

Bash and Smash headed for the door, as did everyone else. Suddenly, every device capable of transmitting either video or sound let out a horrid screeching noise. This occurred across the entire planet. People covered their ears and winced in pain. “WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!” Lettuce asked.

 

Then, it stopped, and a voice came through, a voice every man, woman and child on the planet could hear.

 

“I am Imotekh, the Stormlord. For tens of thousands of years, my people, those whom you know as Necrons, have slumbered in ancient tombs, waiting, preparing for our conquest to begin. Now, our time has come. Our Tomb Worlds are waking, the machines housed within coming online as I speak. Soon, the Eternal Dynasty will be on the march, our undying legions bringing all living things under our heel.

 

Let me tell you of my future. My hand will reach out into the stars, reshaping the galaxy into a place of order and unity. Under my reign, the kingdoms of old shall live again, reborn to an age of power and glory the like of which you can only imagine. I will rule every planet touched by the light of this star, and, even in the darkness beyond, my name will be whispered with fear and respect. Order. Unity. Obedience. We taught the galaxy these things long ago, and we will do so again.

 

You cannot stop us. You cannot slow our advance. I have words for everyone who dwells on your world. To the leaders of the Federation, the Senators quaking in their chambers right now: You will rule no more when I am done. To the normal citizens, living under the heel of an oppressive regime: Fret not. Your yoke will soon be removed, and your miserable existence will end. And to the Power Rangers, hiding in the city of Coastal Falls: When I defeat you, death will not be quick and instant. I will nail you to the front of my flagship, facing down, so you may watch your world die. The Age of Man is over. The Age of the Machine...has begun.”

 

With that, the message ended. And with that message ending, so did the class. The Rangers went their separate ways for the day. All was not calm, however. People were panicking, locking themselves in their homes and refusing to leave. Mobs had formed. Blaming the Rangers for Imotekh turning his attention to Core Earth, the team was burned in effigy by angry citizens. Riots broke out, stores were looted, and before long, a large section of Coastal Falls was on fire. Toby casually headed home with Ebony, observing the carnage. When he walked in, he yelled, “MOM, I’M HOME!”

 

His mother came into the room, holding a shotgun. She quickly shut and locked the door, before turning to him. “...What’s wrong, mom?” Toby asked. She didn't answer with words. Instead, the back of her right hand met his cheek. “OW!”

 

“How stupid are you, Toby? You've been doing drugs, you've been sleeping with the town slut, and now you are completely oblivious as to why I'm carrying a gun. Have you looked outside?”

 

“One, it’s just pot. Two, she’s hot. Three, I heard that message. Everyone has. Don’t worry. The Power Rangers have saved us before. They’ll do it again.”

 

She exhaled, trying to remain calm. “I don't think anyone is too open to their help, considering they're being torched in effigy. As for your first two points, I don't care that it's ‘just pot.’ I don't care that she is attractive. You're still being stupid.”

 

“Well, guess what, mom? I don’t care. I just came here to pack my things. I’m. Leaving.”

 

“There's not much to pack. I sold everything that was worth any money, save for clothes.”

 

“Well, I’ll just get my clothes, then!”

 

His mother exploded, “TOBIAS DARRYL JONES, SIT DOWN AND LISTEN!”

“To what? You nagging me? ...Can’t believe you stopped me being a Pokemon Trainer for this bullshit…”

 

She smiled bitterly. “Oh, was being a Power Ranger not good enough? And before you deny it, I know because of how you just happen to not be around whenever the Rangers are fighting some big threat.”

 

“...” Toby looked at her. “I’m a hero, mom. You can’t stop me from being one.”

 

She shook her head. “I'm not angry because you're a Power Ranger. I'm angry because you're being stupid. You haven't even asked where your little brother is.”

 

“I know where he is. He’s back in Kanto, on his own Pokemon journey. Or is it Hoenn now?”

 

She smiled sadly. “Your little brother is in the hospital right now, Toby. They're not sure if he'll  make it.”

 

“Holy shit...mom, what the hell happened to Clark?”

 

“He has cancer. The same kind that killed your grandfather.”

 

“H-how the fuck does a 12-YEAR OLD POKEMON TRAINER GET CANCER?!”

 

“The doctors don't know. He may have trekked through a radioactive area without knowing it, or it could be pure chance. No one knows for certain.”

 

Toby said nothing for a minute. “...Can I at least tell him I love him?”

 

“Of course. You can call him later. He's sleeping now, but when he wakes up, he will be ecstatic to hear from you, I'm sure.”

 

“I thought he was having fun traveling the world, collecting as many Pokemon as he could and battling...that’s why he wanted to go on his own journey...remember the letters I sent for 5 and a half years, mom?”

 

She nodded, tears welling in her eyes. She hugged him, and Ebony took that as her cue to leave, slipping out.

 

“I thought about moving out because of our argument this morning...now, I don’t know what to do…”

 

“I didn't sell anything, Toby. I wanted to try to shock you into staying…” Toby burst into tears, sad and angry. They held each other for a while, both of them crying.

 

Meanwhile, Usagi’s mother called her. “What.” Usagi said, her tone flat.

 

“Oh, thank God! I've been trying to call since that message ended. I'm so glad you're alright, little one.” Ikuko said, relief in her voice, though she didn't miss the flat tone her daughter used.

 

“...What do you want?” Usagi’s tone was dismissive.

 

“...I thought you were dead....” Ikuko whispered. “I've seen what is going on there, and I thought you had been killed. I've never been so glad to be wrong in my life…”

 

“I’m still upset with you, Ikuko-mama…” Usagi said, tears in her eyes.

 

“...I had a long talk with your...girlfriend the other day, you know.”

 

“You did?”

 

“I did. She was polite, though I could tell she was angry with me, with good reason. I have been a fool…”

 

“You were a fool, Ikuko-mama.” Usagi tried deadpanning, but her voice was breaking.

 

“She told me how you two met, and fell in love, and...well, I was in tears by the end of it. The fact that she loves you could not be more clear in every word she had to say. I was wrong, little one. So very wrong. Who am I to judge you for who you love? You're my daughter. I'm supposed to love you no matter what. I regret that I've done such a poor job…”

 

“I’m sorry for acting the way I did…” Usagi said, now in tears. “I wanna come home…”

 

“No...no...there is nothing for you to be sorry about. You hear me, Usagi? Nothing. Your anger was righteous, defending the one you love. I was just too blind to see it, and I cannot apologize enough for that.”

 

“I’ll be home tonight. I also have something to tell you...I’m...technically not your daughter…”

 

“I know.” This caused Usagi to choke on her own tears in surprise.

 

“You what…?!”

 

“The God-Emperor spoke to me when I was pregnant with you. He told me that you would be born with His Light inside you, and that you were destined to accomplish great things.”

 

“Does Dad know?”

 

“No. You can tell him yourself. Is your girlfriend coming with you?”

 

“Of course she is.”

 

“Good. I'll talk to you when you get here.”

 

Kras’hir came in after the call ended, and pulled Usagi into her arms without a word. “Want me to go tell Alphys and Undyne we’re leaving?” Usagi asked.

 

“Not yet. For now, I want to hold you until the flow of tears stops.” Usagi held her close.

 

Meanwhile, Lettuce sat in his room, having thrown on some Talking Heads to listen to as he looked up at the ceiling. It helped cover up the screaming and distant gunfire. His parents and butler Giles didn’t worry about the anarchy in certain parts of the city. They were well-protected.

 

Kras’hir, having told Undyne and Alphys they were leaving, began calling the Rangers to tell them the same. She told Lettuce first. “Good for you.” he said. She didn't expect him to say much else, so she hung up and called Pinkie, telling her what she had just told Lettuce. Pinkie, her mane down and straight, sighed sadly. “...Yay…”

 

“Can I tell you a secret?” Kras’hir asked.

 

“Sure.”

 

“Out of everyone on the team, you're the one I'll miss the most.”

 

Pinkie’s eyes widened. “What do you mean?”

 

“When we're away, Usagi and I, you'll be the Ranger I miss the most. I find your constant happiness...strangely endearing.”

 

“I’m flattered, but...you’re going away?” she asked, shock in her voice.

 

“Is that not what I just said? Usagi is going home to her family, and I'm joining her.”

 

“Why? We’ll be in the same city and school, silly!”

 

“...Nobody told me her parents lived in the same city. Fuck me...you tell anyone what I said, I'll strangle you with your own guts.” Pinkie’s response was to snort, then giggle, her happy mood returned.

 

“Oh, Kras’hir, you’re silly!”

 

“There is something  amusing about being called silly, considering I've killed sixty billion people.”

 

“There is?”

 

“You laugh at me. Most I meet would do anything to avoid me killing them. Khornates tend to get angry easily, you see.”

 

“Oh...I don’t like it when somepony, or rather someone’s, angry.”

 

“You would hate spending time around Angron, then. He has a hair-trigger temper, to put it mildly.”

 

“Ah. That’s why he’s so mad…”

 

Kras’hir snorted, said her goodbyes, and ended the call. She informed the rest of the team that she and Usagi were moving, before going out on one of her hunts. Any criminal she came across was not in good shape when she walked away. Two car thieves were found by police, hanging upside down from a tree, their arms snapped in multiple places and their throats cut. A man who attempted to force himself on a young girl had his testicles removed, his stomach torn open, and his neck snapped. A pair of people, one man and one woman, who held a family at gunpoint were strung up from a nearby building, their skulls crushed and their hands missing. Some blamed the Power Rangers, though others concurred that this wasn’t like the Rangers at all.

 

Regardless of who they thought was behind it, people came to fear Kras’hir, even though no one knew it was her brutally dispatching criminals. Her methods were different from those of the Rangers; all they did was take care of a new monster every week. Ironically, the citizens being preyed upon by criminals began to view Kras’hir, or the “Lady in Black”, as they called her, as more of a hero than the Rangers. Her methods were definitely brutal, but the message was clear, and many criminals would catch on quick in the days to come.

 

Meanwhile, Toby had stopped crying for his brother, but still hugged his mother. “...I still don’t know what to do, mom…”

 

“Just do what you think is right, Toby.” She said.

 

“I’m still divided on whether I should move out or not…”

 

“If you really wish to leave, I won't stop you. But I don't want you to have any regrets about the choice you make.”

 

“I’ll call Clark...then leave. I’m not doing this to spite you anymore, mom. I need some time to think about all this.”

 

She nodded, pulling away from him. A minute later, she let him call his brother.

 

“Hey, little buddy...heard you were sick…” Toby said, tears forming. “I hope you get better…” No answer. Toby broke down, crying, not caring if anyone on the other side heard. “I miss you so much, Clark. I’m gonna be going away for a while, but I love you, little brother.” He hung up. This emotional moment was almost interrupted by a looter attempting to break in, but Kras’hir cut his throat before he could touch the door. She leaned the corpse against a nearby wall and walked away. Toby stared at his mother, not having noticed Kras’hir, and hugged her again. “...I’ll miss you so much, mom…”

 

She held him close, crying. She cried harder when he left.

 

Meanwhile, Kras’hir returned to Usagi, her clothing stained with blood. Granted, it wasn't clothing in the traditional sense of the word, but it was still stained. Usagi smiled, and hugged her. Kras’hir hugged her back. “I had better clean up. It'll be awkward trying to explain to your family why I'm covered in blood.”

 

“Yeah. I’d have to then reveal your true nature.”

 

Kras’hir nodded. She was cleaned up by the time they went to where Usagi’s family lived. Kras’hir knocked at the door. Ikuko opened the door, and her eyes widened when she saw Kras’hir. She’d found out about the latter’s true nature as a Daemon during their last encounter, so she hurriedly let them in.

 

“Hello again, Ikuko.” the Daemoness greeted as she and Usagi entered.

 

“Hello to you too, Krystal. Make yourself at home, I made tea.”

 

She nodded, taking a cup and pouring herself tea. Usagi did the same, and sat on the couch.

 

So…” Kras’hir began.

 

“So…”

 

Kras’hir wasn't quite sure what to say. Usagi flipped on the TV. Nothing on except the news. Reporters were discussing one of three things: The message, the chaos in Coastal Falls, or the Lady in Black. Boring. Usagi turned off the TV, and cuddled Kras’hir. Kras’hir put an arm around her, smiling a bit. “I love you so much.”

 

“I love you more.”

 

“No, I love you more.”

 

“Impossible.”

 

“Not really.”

 

“Yes, it is. I love you more.” Usagi giggled, and kissed her.

 

In Queen Beryl’s fortress, she was watching the carnage unfold. People were shot, stores were looted, homes were set on fire, effigies were burned, and women were raped. Mankind was giving in to its base instincts in Coastal Falls. The perfect source of energy for her Great Ruler. “Sorcerer...create a youma.”

 

Ahriman didn't hear her, as he was arguing with one of the Mekboyz.

 

“I told you already, you can't just stick tech onto my staff and make it ‘betta.’ It doesn't work like that.”

 

“YEZ IT DUZ!” Bzrk shouted. “IF AH SAY IT DUZ, IT DUZ! ‘SIDES, IT’LL MAKE YA ‘UMAS BIGGA! AN’ BIGGA IZ ALWAYS BETTA!”

 

“YEAH!” Grzrg shouted. “ALWAYS! DAT’S WHY DA WARBOSSES ARE ALWAYS BIGGA!”

 

Dr. Maniac chuckled. “They’re right. It’s because of that ‘Bigga Ray’, as these two call it, that I’m finally able to grow my Biobeasts into larger creatures. Before, I only had five human-sized monsters called Beastnoids, and the Biobeasts were always some form of giant mecha.”

 

Ahriman put his head in his hands, exhaling.

 

“That could be useful to us,” observed Nephrite. “Bigger youma would mean more energy.”

 

“There is a catch, however…” said Dr. Maniac. “The youma can only be grown after it’s destroyed the first time.”

 

“Funny. I consider the catch to be the damned Bloodthirster dwelling in Coastal Falls right now.” Ahriman said.

 

“Perhaps we could use her energy,” said Zoisite.

 

“No, too risky…” said Beryl.

 

“‘GREED, BOSS LADY!” Bzrk said. “MEBBE SEND DIS GROT OVA’ THE’!” He then pointed at Grzrg.

 

Ahriman was struck dumb at the idiocy being displayed. “You all do realize what a Bloodthirster is, I hope?”

 

“IF IT ‘VOLVES BLOOD, THEN THE’ MUST BE WAAAAAAAGGGHHHH!”

 

“Bloodthirsters are the Blood God’s most powerful servants. They are quite capable of razing entire cities.” Ahriman said. Bzrk grinned wider, wanting something to fight.

 

“SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD PROPPA SKRAP!”

 

Ahriman shook his head. “I am surrounded by fools…”

 

“As am I.” agreed Nephrite.

 

“In any case,” said Beryl. “The anarchy going on provides ample energy.”

 

“Let me put this simply, Your Grace. I'll even say it slowly: Sending. In. Youma. Is. A. Bad. Idea.”

 

“En. Er. Gy.” came the response.

 

Ahriman rolled his eyes under his helmet, but decided to indulge her. “Very well. It will take some time for me to make preparations.”

 

“That is perfectly fine.”

 

Dr. Maniac looked at his Mekboyz. “Let us go study Necrons.”

 

“NEKCROONZ!” Both Orks bellowed, before stomping off. Ahriman watched them go, before walking back to his chambers. He removed his helmet, sat at his desk, and did something he hadn't done in a very long time: Poured himself a strong drink. He was, indeed, surrounded by idiots. He finished his drink quickly, before pouring himself another. Before long, the sorcerer was drunk. He’d give Beryl a youma, all right.

 

Ahriman rose, stumbling a bit, before walking out of his chambers and back into the throne room, his stride a bit unsteady. Beryl put her head in her hands. Kunzite blinked, before whispering, “Is he…?”

 

“...he’s drunk.” Zoisite replied. The sorcerer stood in front of the throne, using his staff to keep himself from face planting. “H-h-hello again, Your Grace. Why are you so gods damned blurry?”

 

“You are obviously not fit to create youma at this time.” Beryl said.

 

“I'm not? Huh. Hehehehe, you happy now, Tzeentch? You son of a bitch....”

 

“...” Beryl just sighed. Ahriman took note of her silence. “What's the matter, Your Grace? Daemon got your tongue?”

 

She looked at her three advisors. “Someone...please get him out of my sight.” Nephrite rose, and led Ahriman back to his chambers. When that was done, she said, “Let us flip a coin to see who will create a youma. Heads, Zoisite. Tails, Kunzite.” She flipped. ...Kunzite.

 

Before Kunzite could say or do anything, Ahriman reentered the room. He was still unsteady, but there was a determined gleam in his eye.

 

“No, Kunzite. Our fair Queen gave me this task, and I will see it done.” Kunzite blinked in shock, both at his determination...and how he had referred to Beryl. The Queen only looked at him.

 

“Yes, I think you are beautiful, Your Grace. Surprised?”

 

“Yes…” she blushed. He grinned a bit, working on the spell to create a youma.

 

“What's that saying? A drunk man's words are a sober man’s thoughts?”

 

“Y-yes, but…” Beryl blushed harder.

 

“Go on…” Ahriman said.

 

“No one has ever said that about me before…”

 

He looked her over, his brow rising. “I find that hard to believe…”

 

“T-trust me…” she said, not wanting to resist his charms. He stopped what he was doing, walking over to her. She felt his lips press against hers, surprised. The kiss was sloppy, as Ahriman had not done it in eons, but it felt...right. Beryl pulled away with a gasp. Ahriman chuckled.

 

“Was that good? I haven't had much practice.”

 

“It was fantastic…”

 

He kissed her again, picking her up and carrying her back to his chambers. The lovemaking that followed was clumsy, yet sweet.

 

Kras’hir, meanwhile, still sat with Usagi and Ikuko. An awkward silence hung over them. The Daemoness cleared her throat, trying to think of something to say. “Umm…” said Usagi.

 

“...Did you know that Slaanesh seduced Lord Khorne at one point?”

 

“No.”

 

“It involved a metric fuckton of alcohol, a chain-sword, and a group of Daemonettes. Both of them mutually agreed to never speak of it again.”

 

“Ooh…”

 

“A child was born from the union: A lesser Chaos God known as Moloch, Defiler of Worlds. She carved out her own Realm in the Warp, and has a fair amount of influence even now.”

 

“What does Moloch represent?”

 

“Aspects of both her parents.”

 

“So...war and lust?”

 

“Essentially.”

 

“Interesting.”

 

Kras’hir then turned to Ikuko. “How are you handling all this?”

 

Ikuko blinked, then said, “I’m handling it well.”

 

She nodded, then said to Usagi, answering the unspoken question, “I told her already that I am a Daemon.”

 

Ikuko nodded. “It was certainly surprising.”

 

“I remember your reaction well: You screamed and started cursing at me in Japanese.”

 

“Yes, well...sorry about that.”

 

Kras’hir chuckled. “It's quite alright. I expected nothing less.”

 

Ikuko continued sipping tea, then said, “I know you’re a Power Ranger as well, Usagi.” This caused the blonde to spit out her tea in surprise. Kras’hir snorted.

 

“Buh...guh?” was all Usagi could say. Kras’hir cracked up, chuckling under her breath. Ikuko nodded.

 

“I suspect everyone who’s connected with you all now knows.” Ikuko said. “I’m afraid for you, Usagi.”

 

“Mom…” said Usagi. “I’ll be fine.”

 

Kras’hir spoke, quoting a poem, “Then out spake brave Horatius,
The Captain of the Gate:
To every man upon this earth
Death cometh soon or late.
And how can man die better
Than facing fearful odds?
For the ashes of his fathers,
And the temples of his gods?”

 

Ikuko tilted her head, “That isn’t a poem I recognize.”

 

“The Lays of Ancient Rome. A very old one, but it fits.”

 

“Hm. I need to expand my library, then.”

 

“Let me reiterate what that bit means: We're all going to likely die in the battles to come. I don't fear death, really. I know where I'm going when that last battle takes my life.”

 

“...Will Usagi need to become a Ranger full-time, then? She still needs a social life and education.”

 

Kras’hir went over to the window, looking out over the city. Half of the buildings she could see were on fire. She could hear distant gunfire, screaming, and faint laughter. A manic grin came over her face. “Ah, I love this. Humans giving in to their bestial natures, killing and burning to their heart’s content…”

 

“I don’t like it.” Usagi said. “It...contradicts my heroic spirit to just sit around, I guess you could say.”

 

“...Huh. I wonder who is making the effigies of your team that people keep burning.” the Daemoness said, watching as a mob of people set said effigies of the Rangers ablaze in a nearby park.

 

“I’m not sure.”

 

“I've been the one murdering criminals, in case you don't already know.”

 

“I couldn’t.” Usagi said flatly.

 

“Go ahead. Speak your mind.”

 

“I think it’s wrong to kill.” she explained.

 

“Wrong? Tell me, Usagi: Is rape wrong? Is holding people at gunpoint and robbing them blind wrong? Is burning down homes wrong?”

 

“No, they’re wrong. But you’re making a point there.” Usagi said. “...Now that I think about it, what you’re doing isn’t exactly wrong…”

 

“You enjoy killing just as much as me, and you know it.” Kras’hir said, knowing that statement would likely surprise Ikuko.

 

“...My daughter isn’t a killer…”

 

“Really? Show her your Mark, Usagi.” She did, Ikuko dropping her teacup. Kras’hir said, her gaze not moving from the window, “Your daughter is a killer. She enjoys the feeling of murder and slaughter.” Ikuko only screamed and swore in Japanese. Kras’hir could feel Usagi glaring at her back. When Ikuko’s colorful language was spent, she fainted right there on the couch.

 

Kras’hir casually lit a cigarette, uncaring. Usagi looked at her, then to her unconscious mother. Then back to Kras’hir. “She’ll be fine.” she said. “Wanna go kill criminals?”

 

Kras’hir grinned. “You do enjoy murder.”

 

“REDRUM!” Usagi cheered, unleashing her blade once more. Kras’hir chuckled, before exiting the building. Finding criminals was easy. All that was required was following the screaming and gunfire. They had a wonderful time. It certainly came as a surprise to Alpha and Omnus when Usagi’s face appeared on the news, covered in blood.

 

“Is that Usagi?” Alpha asked. Omnus nodded.

 

“She looks...feral.”

 

“Like a true Khornate.”

 

“I must say that she scares me a bit.”

 

“Me too, Omnus.”

 

“With her power, if she falls completely to Chaos...we are all doomed…” Alpha only stood there. Omnus got back to work, monitoring the worsening situation in Coastal Falls. The government was going to be sent in to curb the anarchy. And all of this in less than one day. It was that bad, it seemed.

 

A mob was beginning to gather outside the neighborhood of the rich and influential, where Lettuce and his family lived. The bird stood on his balcony, cursing and screaming at the approaching rioters. “SERIOUSLY, THE HELL’S YOUR PROBLEM!?”

 

“DOWN WITH THE SYSTEM!”

 

“YOU WILL FALL FROM YOUR PLACE AT THE TOP!”

 

“KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL!”

 

“EVERYONE YOU CARE ABOUT WILL BE RIPPED AWAY FROM YOU AND VIOLATED IN WAYS YOU CAN’T IMAGINE!”

 

“PAPA LOVES YOU, CHILD! EMBRACE HIM!” This last one caught Lettuce off guard, and he muttered, “Nurgle…?”

 

The Plague Lord Himself was not present, but there were a large number of Chaos cultists in the crowd. Before anything could happen, a Federation stun bomb was dropped onto the crowd. The normal humans passed out. The Chaos cultists kept advancing through sheer will, rage, or sorcery. “Holy shit…” the pilot who dropped the bomb muttered. Taking his walkie-talkie, he patched into the Federation President himself. “Mr. President, we have a 3-7-1-14-19. I repeat, 3-7-1-14-19!” The other pilots knew what this code meant...Chaos.

 

The President exhaled, leaning back in his chair. “How many are there, son?’

 

“Sir, I can’t see too well from up here, but there is a lot. And they’re heading for the Upper Coastal Falls Estates.”

 

“Hmmm...I cannot allow you to unleash your full payload on them, as you are too close to civilians. Rather, I'm giving you authorization to sweep over them with the chain guns mounted on your bomber's front.”

 

“Right, sir. Over and out.” The pilot armed the chain guns, and fired at the crowd of Chaos cultists as the bomber flew over. The President, meanwhile, got another call with one word...Messiah. The code word for anything relating to the Emperor of Mankind. When he returned the call, what he was told made him crush the mug in his hand out of shock.

 

“We have found the Emperor’s Light.”

 

“Who wields it?”

 

“A student by the name of Usagi Tsukino. We’ve taken her in for questioning.” the agent on the other end responded. “...Sir, you never told me why we’ve been keeping the Emperor’s corpse all these years.”

 

“The Emperor is still worshipped by many, most of whom feel safer knowing He is on Core Earth. The Moon Kingdom would rebel if they found out His corpse was missing. In addition to that, it is imperative He stays on the Golden Throne.”

 

“...So that the galaxy isn’t ripped apart…”

 

“Exactly.”

 

Meanwhile, Kras’hir sat with Usagi. The agents had originally had no intentions of bringing her in as well, but she had threatened to disembowel the one in charge unless she was allowed to go with her girlfriend. “What should we ask them, sir?” the agent who’d spoken with the President asked his superior.

 

“Ask Ms Tsukino how she came to wield the Light of the Emperor.” Usagi told them everything, from her past as Sailor Moon to becoming a Power Ranger and the awakening of her full power. Kras’hir paced. Instead of being brought in peacefully, they had both been tranquilized. It was a ‘security precaution’, they had been told. The Daemoness was angry. Very angry.

 

“Tell your President I'm going to stick his head on a spike.” She snarled at the one-way glass. They had chained her, taking her weapons. “Ma’am.” the younger agent said. “We are not a totalitarian government. We brought you here peacefully.”

 

“They why did you tranquilize us?” Kras’hir growled. “Why am I chained?!”

 

“Security precaution, courtesy of our branch of the law. Delta Green.”

 

Kras’hir chuckled. “You had best hope Usagi’s brother doesn't find out you have her as a captive.” The agents assumed she meant Shingo, leading to one of them snorting.

 

“I'm sure we can handle her little brother.”

 

“My little brother can get pretty fierce…”

 

“I'm not talking about Shingo, whelps. I am speaking of the Red Angel.”

 

“T-the Red Angel...Angron…”

 

“Her other siblings are either dead, missing, or indifferent, but I assure you, Angron cares for his little sister. And he will burn this place to ashes if he finds out Usagi is here. However, I know you value the information you seek more than just about anything else.”

 

The agent in charge nodded. “Ms Tsukino?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“We can detect Chaos markings on you. Care to explain that?”

 

Usagi showed them the Mark of Khorne, then explained.

 

“Do you know what the laws are regarding Chaos?”

 

“No, sir.”

 

“Few people do, save for those who have encountered it, or are tasked with purging it. For bearing a Mark of Chaos, the penalty is either lifelong imprisonment...or execution.” Usagi, afraid, began to cry. Kras’hir smiled serenely.

 

“First man that touches her gets to feel what it is like to have his intestines pulled out through his nose.” The Daemoness said calmly.

 

“Sir…” the younger agent said.

 

“Yes?”

 

“Do you honestly want to execute a young woman? The Federation was founded on democratic principles; that includes moral ones.”

 

“Tell me something, son: How much do you know about the Imperial Inquisition?”

 

“We-we’re sworn never to discuss that…”

 

“That is what we are, son. We are an organization dedicated to rooting out traitors, dangerous aliens, and servants of Chaos wherever they appear. There are still a handful of souls alive who were once Inquisitors. Including me. Those youth-vat treatments are quite wonderful, wouldn't you agree?”

 

“Yes, sir. But, you and I both operate under Federation jurisdiction. That means continuing to hold up the democratic values of First Earth, the world where the founders came from.”

 

“Democracy. What a joke. Do you think the Emperor, bless His holy name, ushered in democracy when He set off on His Great Crusade? Do you think democracy would have helped avert the Horus Heresy? Do you think democracy would have prevented Horus from crippling his Father?”

 

“No, sir...but remember the Federation’s Constitution…”

 

The older agent snorted, before turning away from him. “Ms Tsukino? You are free to go, but we will be watching. Don't do anything...irrational.” Usagi nodded, then left with Kras’hir. The Daemoness cursed the Federation as they left.

 

“I never thought I'd say this, but I liked the Imperium more.”

 

“Why?”

 

“If the Imperium wanted you dead, they didn't fuck around. They'd send soldiers until you and everyone you had ever met were on the ground with a bolter shell in your skull.”

 

“...The Federation’s far nicer, though…”

 

“...You do recall who you're talking to, right? I don't like nice, peaceful governments. I like governments that'll send legions of super soldiers, tanks, and gunships to kill you.” Usagi sighed, continuing to walk.

 

“You want to know how fanatical the Imperium was? They used to have this as a nursery rhyme: The wheels on the Land Treader crush the heretics, crush the heretics, crush the heretics. The wheels on the Land Treader crush the heretics, all day long…” Usagi cringed at hearing the lyrics. Kras’hir snorted, putting an arm around her.

 

“You know, it wasn't all bad. There were heroes during the Age of the Imperium, too.”

 

“Were they at all like us?”

 

“Yes, though you have to remember that they held much different views, and the Imperium was justified in what it did most of the time. Not doing what they did would have led to mankind being enslaved, exterminated...or worse.”

 

“What could be worse?”

 

“Ask any Eldar what scares them more than simply dying. You'll get, after enduring the usual racism, an explicit description of what awaits those Eldar who are unfortunate enough to perish.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Anyway, you want to hear about a few heroes?”

 

“Of course. There’s Omnus and Zordon...and that’s all I know.”

 

“Captain Cortez of the Crimson Fists, a Legion descended from one of the Founding ones, once saved a mother and her children (one of whom was just a baby) from being murdered by Orks. Chapter Master Pedro Kantor was less than pleased with this development, as there were (to his knowledge) only a dozen or so Crimson Fists left after the destruction of their monastery, and they couldn't  afford to bring refugees along. However, Kantor said that the family could tag along as long as they could keep pace with the Space Marines, which anyone would have told you was no small feat. After a while, the mother became tired and unable to keep up. Kantor moved to the back of the column to grant her the final mercy, his Marines thought. As he knelt next to the mother with his wrist-mounted storm bolter pointed disturbingly close to her head, it seemed he was going to kill her. Then, after the mother panted that she tried, but her children were just so heavy, Kantor, who, I feel the need to stress, did not want her there in the first place, replied with the following: “You did well to bring them this far....It is time that someone carried you now.” And then he picked her up in his arms and carried her the rest of the journey to rejoin their remaining battle brothers.”

 

“That’s amazing. Are there any Orks left in the galaxy?”

 

“Yes. The Corpse-God mentioned them when He...possessed me. There are also still Tau and Eldar, as I have previously said.”

 

“What other heroes were there?”

 

“Do you wish to hear about the Primarchs?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“Your brothers were badasses. Take Sanguinius, who snapped the spine of a Bloodthirster over his knee. Or Leman Russ, who broke a glacier with a single punch. Or Konrad Curze. Imagine this: Even in death he still manages to win. He's left the Imperium and sided with Horus, and assassins have been dispatched to kill him. His reaction? Have his men stand down, sit back, and let the assassin kill him, with the final words "Death is nothing compared to vindication", showing that the Emperor is just as bad, resorting to tactics that are just as heavy-handed to get things done. And that's in addition to being so terrifying that hardened criminals could be sent screaming at the thought that they'd caught his attention, and rogue systems instantly paying every outstanding tithe to the Imperium at the mention that the Night Haunter might be the one to come claim them.”

 

“I know Guilliman’s still around...will he help in what’s to come?”

 

“I'd imagine so.”

 

After a short pause, she spoke again, “And, of course, there's Angron. Angron's first incursion into the Imperium as a Daemon Prince was an event known as the Dominion of Fire. With 50,000 Khorne Berserkers at his back, Angron wrecked seventy sectors across two centuries of unrelenting war. It took four Space Marine chapters, two Titan legions and thirty Imperial Guard regiments to stop his rampage and send him back to the Warp. Even more impressive considering this was entirely with just close combat infantry, with no artillery or ranged support; the Imperium with all of that only barely won.”

 

“Since he’s no longer under Khorne’s command, he could use that strength to help us.”

 

“Yeah...about that...Angron fell back under Khorne’s sway about an hour after he left the Command Center.”

 

“...Oh, shit…”

 

“He actually spoke to me when we were in the Warp. I didn't mention it because we were focused on other things at the time. He told me, that if you ever need his help, he will come.”

 

“So he isn’t totally gone?”

 

“Oh, he's completely batshit crazy again, but he still cares about you...kind of. I wouldn't get in his way if you ever call to him to help you.”

 

“I won’t.” Usagi said.

 

“Then there's Kharn the Betrayer. Swell guy.”

 

Usagi said nothing, just continuing to walk. Kras’hir did the same, her arm still around Usagi.

 

“You know, back when I was still enslaved, I dreamed about falling in love.”

 

“You did? I did too...twice.”

 

“Dreamed about it, or actually fell in love?”

 

“Both. Once with Mamoru, then with you.”

 

Kras’hir snorted. “If someone told you a few years ago that you would fall in love with someone like me, you would have slapped them for the bad joke.”

 

Usagi laughed. “It’s true.”

 

“No regrets?”

 

“No.”

 

“Good.” Usagi kissed her, and they walked for a while. Kras’hir enjoyed the quiet. So, serene, so peaceful. Kras’hir hated it out of principle. With Usagi by her side, though, that made it much more tolerable. The only living things around her aside from Usagi were trees, anyway.

 

Meanwhile, the other Rangers had gathered in the Command Center on Omnus’ request. Alpha had created new Power Weapons for them. Omnus himself had just finished speaking with the agents who had detained Usagi and Kras’hir. He was...not amused, to say the least. In fact, he was pissed, though he didn’t show it. “What should we do?” Alpha asked.

 

Omnus responded after a moment of silence, “They do not have the right to detain any members of my team. I have made it clear multiple times that the Power Rangers do not fall under Federation jurisdiction. They help keep it from collapsing, but the Rangers are not Federation citizens as far as the law is concerned. If any laws are broken by my team, it falls to me to handle it, not the President and his agents.”

 

“That is very right.” agreed Alpha. “I just hope the President understands.”

 

“If he doesn't, I'll ensure he is...unable to do this again.” Omnus said, still calm, but clearly enraged. Alpha then looked at the other Rangers.

 

“Things do not bode well for any of you, Rangers. But don’t be afraid. I have created new Power Weapons for each of you, still following in the vein of your previous ones. These weapons are not only elemental-based, but they wield the essence of the planets as well.” The robot then pressed a few buttons, and several weapons appeared before the Rangers. “Omnus, will you do the honors of explaining?”

 

“First, I would like to do something that may seem bizarre: Bless the weapons by praying over them, in the name of the Emperor.”

 

“It isn’t bizarre at all, sir.”

 

Omnus went to his quarters, returning dressed in the robes of an Imperial Ecclesiarch, and carrying an Aquila, the two-headed eagle symbolizing the Imperium of Man. He stood over the new Power Weapons, and began to pray.

 

“Blessed Emperor, our Lord and Liege, I pray that You hear my words. You who led a Great Crusade to unite Mankind, and You who slew Your most beloved son to protect the species you cherished so dearly. I ask You to bless these weapons, and sanctify them, so that the Rangers may wield them in battle with whatever enemies may come, and so that they may purge the dark taint of Chaos, wherever it may be found. I pray the the Ruinous Powers never corrupt these arms, or the souls who bear them. I pray that Your light will continue to shine through in all this darkness, so that they very soul of the people You gave up everything to prevent will continue to endure. Amen.” The weapons glowed briefly, then it faded. Omnus said shakily, “I need to be alone. Alpha, I leave it to you to explain the rest.”

 

With that, he left the room. Naruto looked at Alpha, then asked, “So what are these weapons?”

 

“I can't take credit for the design of these weapons. You can thank Primarch Guilliman for that. I only created them. As such, they all resemble weapons from the Age of the Imperium. Crude, but effective. First, your weapon, Naruto. Pick it up, if you would.” Naruto did so, looking it over.

 

“A...crossbow? Neat.”

 

“A crossbow that fires bolter shells. Those are, essentially, explosive rounds that detonate upon impact with a target.”

 

“Awesome.” Naruto said, walking away with his weapon. Next was Toby. His weapon was an iron-blue chainaxe.

 

“...Whoa...this looks like my old Water Axe, but better.” He then noticed the serrated blade, then the weapon’s trigger, pulling on it. The weapon whirred into life, Toby giving an impressed whistle. “...Badass…”

 

“The chain-axe has, traditionally, been wielded by Khornates. I'm sure you can guess why.” Alpha said.

 

“Oh, I can see why.” said Toby. “I am so gonna enjoy goring the cannon fodder.”

 

Alpha noted with amusement, “You sound like a certain Daemoness we are both acquainted with.” Next was Lettuce, who received a thunder hammer.

 

“Holy crap...I’M GONNA CALL YOU MJOLNIR!” Lettuce said, effortlessly picking up the hammer, custom-made to be his size. Alpha warned him, “I wouldn't call it that. You see, the Emperor wasn't too fond of religion. He thought it made humans superstitious and ignorant. Since Omnus blessed your weapon in His name, well...He might take offense to you naming your weapon after the hammer of a fictional god.”

 

“...I take offense to that, given my roots.” said Ebony, who was next. Her weapons were a pair of thunder claws. “Whoa...it’s like in the X-Men…” she said, putting them on and attempting a Wolverine pose. The claws, being powerful weapons, let off a small explosion, knocking the other Rangers back. “...Sorry.”

 

Pinkie was last, with her weapon being the most basic: a plasma pistol. Alpha said, “That pistol is similar to Necron Gauss weapons. It can, and will, tear apart targets at the molecular level.”

 

“Whoa…” said Pinkie.

 

“Are we able to combine these into a larger weapon, like last time?” Toby asked.

 

“No. In fact, the Primarch told me to warn you not to even attempt it. If you do, well...your weapons will explode.”

 

“Don’t worry.” said Naruto. “These are powerful enough already.”

 

Alpha nodded. “Indeed.”

 

“If we get new weapons...does that mean we have new Zords too?” Lettuce asked.

 

“Well, duh.” said Ebony. “Of course.”

 

While Alpha showed them their new Zords,  Omnus stood on the roof of the Command Center, looking out at the horizon. The sun was starting to set, and the air was cool. He breathed deeply, his eyes closed. “Beautiful, isn’t it?” came Hedrian’s voice from behind him.

 

“Yes, it is.”

 

“Really sends a dissonance to what’s going on below us.”

 

“Seventeen people have been killed in the past hour. Five businesses have been looted. Ten homes have been set ablaze.”

 

“Don’t worry, Omnus. Your Rangers can handle this.”

 

“I'm not letting them go out into the city. The people there despise the Rangers. I've seen five different effigy burnings today, all done by massive mobs. The people won't welcome the help of the Power Rangers; they'll reject it...violently.”

 

“What can we do then, to show these people that the heroes they’ve betrayed are still heroes?”

 

“I'd prefer not to see the children I have mentored hanging from lamp posts, so for now, they're staying here.”

 

“Permanently? Omnus, it isn’t like the city knows who they are under the masks.”

 

His response was cut off by a bellow from far below, followed by words he knew well.

 

“BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE! LET THE GALAXY BURN!”

 

“Great…” muttered Hedrian.

 

Omnus sighed. “You are right, but if they are overpowered, and their masks are removed, everyone they care about is at risk. I'm not saying they should give up being heroes. I just want to know what we're dealing with before I send them out...which is why I need your help.”

 

“Gladly. Just tell me what to do.”

 

“Are you still as skilled at sneaking around as you were when we met?”

 

“Does this answer your question?” she asked, before casting an invisibility spell on herself.

 

“Magic is all well and good, but it runs the risk of sorcerers of Tzeentch sensing it. I remember you sneaking around without magic when we met, due to you still being tutored in basic spells. Can you still do that?”

 

“Oh, poo.” Hedrian said, becoming visible again. “Yeah, I can still sneak around. Why?”

 

“I want you to do some scouting for me.”

 

“Just tell me what kind, and I can get whatever you need.”

 

“Search for leaders. Find out who is in charge of the various mobs throughout the city. Also, see if you can find out if there are any notable servants of Chaos leading the cultists.” Hedrian nodded and left, weapons on her person for any inevitabilities. In a short time, various rioters were brutally beaten and interrogated by a strange woman. They didn't tell her much, as they feared the Lady in Black far more, for she didn't bother asking questions. Seeing that this ‘beating-only’ approach wasn’t getting her any results, she began asking simple, direct questions...while beating her victims.

 

“Who. Is. Your. LEADER?!”

 

Unfortunately, her current victim was a Slaaneshi, who quite enjoyed the beating. She purred, “Oooh, you keep hitting me like that, and my leader will be you…” Hedrian stopped, and hit herself in realization.

 

“OK, let’s work out a deal, Slaaneshi. Give me the information I want, and I’ll give you something in return.”

 

“Go on…”

 

“We’ll fuck until you can’t feel anything.” she said, disgusted with herself for saying it. “We got ourselves a bargain?”

 

“Oh, yes. We have ourselves a bargain…”

 

The fucking that followed was violent and frenzied. When they were finished, Hedrian redressed, staring at the numb Slaaneshi. “Now, will you tell me what I need to know?”

 

“Ehehehehehehehe...the Mistress of Pleasure thanks you for your service…”

 

“Answer my question. Who is leading these riots?”

 

“Now...isn't that the question of the hour? Who hates the Federation enough to lead these riots? There's no end of suspects…”

 

“Come on, don’t lead me on a wild goose chase here...TELL ME THE NAME, DAMN IT!”

“...The Night Haunter.” The Slaaneshi whispered, before snapping her own neck, her soul going to her God. Though Hedrian was disturbed by the sight, she did not mourn this loss. She had what she needed, and she wasted no time in continuing her hunt for this mysterious ‘Night Haunter’. Unfortunately, it seemed no servant of Chaos would give her an answer about the identity of the riot leader  that matched any other when she attempted to confirm the Slaaneshi’s answer. She received names ranging from Angron to Horus, from a Dark Eldar raider to the Emperor Himself. Hedrian, deciding that traditional interrogations weren’t working, decided to use pure intuition.

 

This method helped, but it did not make interrogating servants of Tzeentch any easier, as they would all give her several answers, and all of these answers seemed perfectly logical. With them, Hedrian decided to use process of elimination. Eventually, the only apparent logical suspect for who was leading the riots was the Night Haunter. Hedrian knew she was close to finding the Night Haunter, and decided to track them down directly. This involved interrogating another Slaaneshi. This one was much less masochistic than the first. She managed to tell Hedrian what she wished to know, while also seducing the former Queen. Hedrian once again gave into her carnal instincts, and she left when she was done.

 

The Night Haunter, the Slaaneshi had informed her, could be found inside a derelict warehouse near the center of town. So that is where Hedrian went. Before she could enter through a skylight on the roof, a hand gripped her shoulder, pulling her back. “WAH!” she gasped. It was Kras’hir, in her ‘Lady in Black’ guise.

 

“It's a trap, you know.” She said.

 

“I don’t care. These riots need to be put down and the Chaos cultists exposed.”

 

“This Night Haunter you think is down there? That was one of the titles for Konrad Curze, the Primarch of the Night Lords. He's been dead for eons.”

 

“So who is leading the riots, then?”

 

“There isn't a single leader. Believe me, I've ‘talked’ with enough rioters to figure that out.”

 

“If there’s no single leader...then we should take them all out.”

 

“You want to know the bitter truth? I actually understand why the rioters are doing what they're doing.”

 

“Why? They’re blaming innocent heroes for an outside problem.”

 

“The Rangers are hated by some, yes, but they are viewed by others as a symptom of the real problem: The Federation itself.”

 

“But the Rangers aren’t connected to the Federation.”

 

“Tell me something: Whenever your dear husband unleashed one of his creatures on Core Earth or any other place, who stepped in to stop it?”

 

“The Rangers. The same can be said for myself.”

 

“Exactly. A lot of people are quite angry that their government relies on child soldiers to deal with threats.”

 

“Again, they aren’t connected with the Federation.”

 

A moment later, Kras’hir backhanded her hard enough to knock her over. “...What was that for?”

 

“Get your head out of your ass for one moment and listen: The people. Don't. Care. As far as they are concerned, an independent group of child soldiers is being sent in to deal with threats that the Federation should be able to deal with itself. Understand?”

 

“Understood.”

 

“This...displeasure, shall we say, is what allowed Chaos to sink it's claws in so deep. People are scared, people are angry, and people want their government, not the Power Rangers, to do something about what is coming.”

 

“So, what do we do? The Rangers can’t continue their duties right now. They’d risk being exposed, and only fueling rebellion.”

 

“Why do you care so much? Not long ago, you were trying to overthrow the Federation.”

 

“That’s true. But, I only care because of Omnus.”

 

“Ah, so you're like me. If it wasn't for Usagi, I'd be torching this city with the other Khornates.”

 

“Yes. Omnus keeps my morality in check, you’d say.”

 

“Which of the Powers do you revere, Hedrian? I know you worship at least one. Or are you a follower of Chaos Undivided?”

 

“...I worship Tzeentch, at least indirectly.”

 

“Ah. You still desire power, don't you?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I still want to kill until there is nothing left but spilt blood and shattered bone, but Usagi keeps by bloodlust in check. Only a soul as gentle as hers could do something like that.”

 

“What is your point?”

 

“The only reason I haven't skinned you alive is because it would horrify Usagi. As far as I'm concerned, you're nothing more than a cowardly manipulator.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“...I hope, sincerely, that someone turns you inside out.”

 

“None of your insults faze me.” Hedrian said.

 

“...When Diabolica fucked you, did you enjoy it? Or did he have to whip you into submission first?”

 

Hedrian blushed furiously, keeping silent.

 

“Or maybe he was an ass man, and liked ramming it up the poop chute.”

 

“S-shut up!”

 

“Oh, he did, didn't he? And you liked it!”

 

“Quiet, you!” Hedrian replied, her blush deepening. Kras’hir grinned.

 

“I'm just fucking with you. I don't actually want you dead.”

 

“Thank the Gods.” Hedrian said, sighing in relief. “But about the riots...when will they end?”

 

“When the cultists either get bored...or run out of people to corrupt and kill.”

 

“So, we wait…?”

 

“No. We kill them. All of them. Every man, woman and child.”

 

“Every Chaos cultist?” Hedrian asked. Kras’hir nodded. Hedrian grinned, producing a massive broadsword. “Let’s do this.”

 

Kras’hir nodded, before saying, looking over Hedrian’s shoulder, “Alright, Usagi. Thank you for keeping an eye on her while we spoke. Didn't want anything...unfortunate to occur.”

 

“You're welcome.” said Usagi, Full Moon Blade in hand. Kras’hir grinned.

 

“Let's get to work, shall we?” Hedrian and Usagi nodded. With that, the Daemoness leapt off the roof, and their hunt began. It took the three many hours, but the majority of cultists were killed. The streets were lined with their heads, mounted on spikes. Whatever cultists were left immediately turned themselves in...that is, if they themselves weren’t killed. The few who remained were oddly, eerily calm, as if they knew something their captors didn't. But what…?

 

The answer became painfully clear when many of the officers who were watching them began killing their comrades, having sold themselves to Chaos long before. Usagi put them out of their misery swiftly and quickly. One of the cultists whispered, “Princess of the Moon Kingdom...do you really believe you can win?”

 

“Yes.” She then beheaded the cultist silently. Another spoke, with the voice of the first, “You are wrong. Our name is Legion, for we are many.” Usagi beheaded that one, too.

 

“The end is coming. You cannot stop it. No one can. The flames of the Warp will spread across every world...and you, the Herald of Armageddon, shall lead the charge.”

 

“...I’m not a Herald! I AM THE EMPEROR’S DAUGHTER, AND I SHALL PUNISH YOU WITH HIS LIGHT!”  Usagi screamed, sending a fiery beam forward and incinerating several cultists.

 

Another cultist said, “Fear not the Dark, my friend, and let the feast begin. You can feel His call, can't you? The call of the Blood God. Why not give in, and indulge your urges? Fear not the Dark, my friend, and let the feast begin…” Usagi tried resisting, and finally gave in, going berserk. The cultists did not resist as she slaughtered them all. The most reaction she got was a few quiet chuckles. By the time she winded down, the Chaos presence in Coastal Falls was null and void.

 

Kras’hir noticed something: The Mark on Usagi’s back, which usually stopped glowing after a battle, was still brightly shining, the crimson light from it plainly visible. “W-what’s going on?” asked Usagi, who felt the Mark still glowing.

 

Kras’hir said, “You have the Favor of the Blood God. Enough blood has been spilt by your blade for Him to take interest, and grant you boons. You are now stronger, faster and more resistant to injury, with most conventional weapons having no effect on you. Your senses are also greatly enhanced, with your hearing, eyesight, and sense of smell able to pick up anything nearby. In other words, you have the senses of a huntress, always ready to stalk and kill prey.”

 

“...That means I can taste my favorite foods better now!”

 

Kras’hir facepalmed, sighing. “You're lucky I love you…”

 

“I am, aren’t I?”

 

“The Favor of Khorne also changes your personality. Not completely, mind you, but you'll get angry more easily.

 

“...Oh.”

 

“It has been foreseen that you'll become a leader of men, but you won't be completely kind and merciful. One day, daemons will tremble at your name, and men will begin worshipping you as a goddess of war alongside the False Emperor.”

 

“So, that means…”

 

“...the Federation is coming to an end.” Hedrian finished. “These riots are only the beginning.”

 

Kras’hir connected her mind with Usagi’s, allowing her to see a glimpse of her future. The vision was of Usagi herself, but she was older. Her hair flowed freely in the wind, and her face bore a long, jagged scar. She was standing atop a hill, the Full Moon Blade in one hand, and the head of a mighty daemon in the other. She was holding her blade over her head, bellowing into the wind. The army she led, assembled just behind, bellowed with her. “THE EMPEROR PROTECTS!” they shouted. She, the Regina of the Neo-Imperium, would protect her people alongside her Father.

 

Kras’hir herself was also present in this vision, standing next to Usagi. The Daemoness was missing one of the horns atop her head, and her right eye was blinded. She was grinning, holding her obsidian blade with her left hand. “A glorious day, is it not?!” She laughed, several fresh trophies strung across her chest. Another figure was beside the two, one Usagi instinctively recognized: the Emperor, somehow flesh and blood once more.

 

His armor, forged in the depths of Holy Terra itself, shined brightly. In His hand was a massive sword, one that made the Full Moon Blade look miniscule. He was looking out over the horizon, regarding the enemy army approaching them. At the front of that army of Daemons and Chaos Space Marines were several massive men, whose names Usagi also knew out of instinct: Fulgrim, Mortarion, Perturabo, Magnus, Abaddon...and Horus Lupercal, the reborn Warmaster of Chaos.

 

“Horus...I thought he was dead…?” Usagi asked Kras’hir, surprised at what she was seeing.

 

“He is...at the moment.”

 

“But what...how…?” Usagi said, then she immediately saw the head of Radiguet as one of Horus’ many trophies. “...that moronic, psychopathic bastard…he revived Horus?”

 

“Horus will be under his control...for about ten seconds, before the former Warmaster regains his strength, and effortlessly kicks his ass.”

 

Usagi said nothing, still watching the vision. “Fellow warriors of the Neo-Imperium! I stand before you today, in the midst of this second Great Crusade, so that we may defeat my fallen brothers. They no longer wish to serve under my Father, nor under me, their sister. Some of you may never return to your worlds as heroes...but you will die trying.”

 

“THE REGINA PROTECTS!” came the cheers.

 

Then Lorgar stepped forward, out of the enemy horde, and spoke, “Father. I wish I could say I am happy to see you. The truth, however, is that the pain of your rejection still stings. Scolding me, your son, was your right. But torching the city I cherished, humiliating my men in the ashes of the place we deemed perfect? That is something I cannot forgive. What was it we did so wrong, Father? You never told us that. You merely forced us to kneel, and told us we had failed. How did it come as any surprise that I turned my devotion to Gods who would never reject my faith and praise? How did it come as any surprise when half of us rejected you, and joined Horus in rebellion? HOW DID IT COME AS ANY SURPRISE THAT WE CHAFED UNDER YOUR HEEL, AND DESPISED YOU FOR BEING A TYRANT, FORCING US TO FOLLOW YOU OR ENDURE DEGRADING HUMILIATION?! TELL ME! TELL ME, YOU SON OF A WHORE! ANSWER ME, FALSE-EMPEROR, LORD OF NOTHING!”

 

“Silence.” ordered Usagi. “You do not speak to my Father that way, Traitor.”

 

Abaddon spat at her. “Fuck you, you uppity cunt, and fuck your Great Crusade.”

 

Perturabo said nothing, merely mirroring Abaddon by spitting at her. Mortarion drew his scythe, saying, “I am loyal to my brothers, child. Can our Father say the same?”

 

Fulgrim merely grinned. “When this battle ends, I'll torture you to death and make Father watch.”

 

Magnus merely said sadly, “I wish it hadn't come to this, Father.  I wish you had listened to my warnings about Horus...”

 

Finally, Horus spoke, his words immediately silencing the bellows on both sides, “Did you ever care about us, Father? Or were we always pawns to you?”

 

The Emperor said nothing, but there was pain in His eyes.

 

“...Do you even care about your own daughter, who you’ve replaced your favorite son with?” asked one of Horus’ commanders.

 

Another laughed mockingly, “How does it feel, Corpse-God? To see the religion you tried to suppress grow anyway, inspired by the writings of one of your Traitor sons, no less?”

 

“...My Father,” Usagi said. “Has allowed worship of both Him and myself. The Neo-Imperium will not make the same mistakes from eons ago.”

 

The Traitor Primarchs, along with Abaddon, stood in front of her and the Emperor now. No one spoke, before Lorgar, in full view of Usagi’s army, spat in his sister’s face. Usagi roared, and led the charge, her army surging forward. The vision ended on a rather unsettling note, as the Primarchs began to drive back both herself and the Emperor, victory looking certain. Usagi was shaken by the events that unfolded, it seemed. Kras’hir caught her as she fainted from the toll it had taken on her mind. Usagi lay in her arms, her body limp.

 

When she woke, she was in a soft, warm bed, Kras’hir sitting next to her. “W-what happened…?” she asked, her voice weak.

 

“That vision did quite a number on your mind. You passed out.”

 

“...How far in the future was that vision…?”

 

“Oh...about twenty years or so. Your brother Magnus passed it along. Don't ask me why.”

 

“...Why?”

“I don't know. That's why I said not to ask.” Usagi then thought about what she’d seen.

 

“I’m...going to be a ruler of an entire empire…”

 

“Yep. Your friends will follow in your footsteps. They all have their own destinies, but none as grandiose as yours.”

 

“Like what…?”

 

“Magnus didn't say much, but he did give me a warning: Telling you too much about the future is a bad idea, as the visions you see are only the most likely course, and you may drive yourself mad trying to keep the future from changing.”

 

“Can you at least tell me a little bit?”

 

“By the time this vision you have seen comes to pass...at least one of your friends will be dead.” Usagi only nodded.

 

“I'll keep the rest of what I saw to myself, at least for now.”

 

The military forces who’d been dispatched to Coastal Falls reported back that the Chaos presence was indeed gone. The President merely nodded upon receiving the news, before he shut and locked all the doors and windows in his office, closed the blinds, and told his guards, “I need to make a...private call. Would you two mind waiting outside?”

 

“Yes, sir.”

 

Once they had left, the President grinned to himself...before his form changed. His suit was replaced by blue and white robes, his eyes turned from brown to a light green, and his head became covered by a hood. The sorcerer of Tzeentch, who had been impersonating the President for months, opened a connection to the Warp, and said, “Primarch Magnus. I have much to tell you…”

 

In Queen Beryl’s fortress, another youma had been created. Ahriman had created it the morning after he and the Queen had slept together. He noted with amusement how she could no longer look at him without blushing. The youma was soon unleashed upon Coastal Falls. Omnus, who was overseeing the efforts to rebuild, let loose a long chain of curses when it was detected. This certainly came as a surprise to everyone else, who were not used to hearing him use such foul language.

 

“...Rangers…” Omnus said softly. “...Get ready for battle. Now.”

 

“Right.” said Naruto. “POWER OF MARS! FIRE!”

 

“POWER OF MERCURY!” shouted Toby. “WATER!”

 

“POWER OF VENUS!” shouted Pinkie. “AETHER!”

 

“POWER OF EARTH!” shouted Ebony. “AIR!”

 

POWER OF JUPITER!” finished Lettuce. “LIGHTNING!” With their morphing sequence finished, the Rangers teleported to where the youma was. The youma was in the middle of tearing apart a hospital when they arrived near it. It paid little attention to them. Before they could attack it, however, a small squadron of chisadesu appeared and spread out to attack the Rangers. Using the usual approach of kung fu moves, they were taken down quickly. Slowly approaching the youma, the Rangers slowly drew their new weapons, and hoped to get in a surprise attack. The youma, however, heard them and turned around, snarling. “Shit…” Naruto said.

 

That was all he had time to say, before the youma snatched him with its claws and threw him into a nearby building. The Red Ranger appeared to be both unscathed and undeterred, however. He approached the youma once again, this time loading his crossbow and firing at it.

This youma, unlike the ones that came before, was designed by Ahriman to be cunning. Instead of taking the shot and attacking blindly, the youma swatted the bolt back at him before it could detonate, leading to it exploding at his feet. Naruto was knocked to the ground by the explosion, and the other Rangers went to help him. “Looks like we need to use our brains instead of our brawn.” said Lettuce.

 

“Right.” said Pinkie. “But how do you beat brains with brains?”

 

The youma watched them, waiting for them to make the first move. Toby decided to put his fealty towards to Tzeentch to the test, pondering on how to best use a strategy against the youma. “Hmmm...maybe if we bait and switch...no, that won’t work…” Ebony, however, went for the kill, charging at the youma with her Thunder Claws. The youma swatted her aside with contemptuous ease, barely looking her way. Pinkie aimed her plasma pistol, and fired. This burned the youma quite badly, leaving several gaping wounds. It hissed at her.

 

“GUYS! I DID IT! I GOT A HIT!” the pink pony cheered.

 

“Awesome!” said Naruto. “Maybe we can defeat this one with no problem!” He then loaded his crossbow again, and fired another shot. The youma took the shot to the face, burning away it’s shadowy skin and leaving the jaw hanging off by tendons. Toby was next, charging with his chainaxe and cutting into the monster with the serrated blades. The youma snarled, slashing him with its claws, growling what almost sounded like words in a horrid tongue. It was Lettuce’s turn now, coming between the youma and Toby, striking the former with his thunder hammer. The youma slammed it's front legs into the ground, creating a shockwave powerful enough to knock all of them back. The youma snarled words again, the wounds they had inflicted beginning to heal. “...Damn.” Toby muttered. “If only Usagi were here…”

 

A roar echoed, before Kras’hir jumped from a rooftop above the youma, landing on it and driving her axe and sword blades into its head. It shrieked in surprise, thrashing around as it tried to throw her off. Following her were Usagi and Hedrian. “Speak of the devil.” said Lettuce. “Where were you three?”

 

“Killing things.” said Usagi, in the sweetest tone of voice she could possibly muster. “Now, did someone say my name?”

 

“Yeah.” Toby said. “We need help killing this youma.”

 

Kras’hir was thrown off of it, flipping head over heels multiple times, before landing on her feet and skidding to a stop. She snarled, flicking her blades. “Pussies. You can't kill this thing on your own? Unbelievable.” Usagi glared at her, then joined her teammates morphing and summoning the Full Moon Blade. In order, each of the Rangers struck the youma with their weapons. The youma shrugged off all of the attacks, despite the gaping injuries they left. It laughed at them, the sound cruel and cold.

 

“And this is why we need your help.” said Naruto. “This thing’s just too damn resilient.”

 

Kras’hir charged the youma, cutting off one of its front legs. The creature shrieked, attempting to bite her. She laughed, each blow it landed only causing her to become more amused. Usagi cut off the other front leg with the Full Moon Blade. However, this leg regrew, due to her blade not being blessed in the same manner as Kras’hir’s. Still, that process was slow, allowing them all to get a few good hits in. And they did, Lettuce ending up smashing the youma’s head in.

 

It went still, it's eyes closing. The creature’s body chose to self-destruct, resulting in the usual explosion and knocking everyone back from the aftershock. In Queen Beryl’s fortress, Dr. Maniac chuckled. “...Perhaps now you will heed my advice and use my Mekboys’ Bigga Ray…”

 

Ahriman snorted. “The day I choose to take your advice is the same day I disembowel myself with my own teeth.”

 

“Grow it.” said Beryl. “Bigger means more energy, yes, Mekboyz?”

 

“YEAH!” Bzrk shouted.

 

“Ahriman?” she asked. “Fire the ray.”

 

He shook his head. “I wash my hands of this, Your Grace. If the doctor wishes for this to happen, it is him who will fire the ray.”

 

“Gladly.” said Dr. Maniac, taking the sorcerer’s staff from him and firing a green ray into the sky. It hit the ground where the youma once stood, growing it into a giant. Kras’hir laughed loudly.

 

“AND IT'S NOT EVEN MY BIRTHDAY!”

 

Before the Rangers could do anything, their comms crackled to life. “Rangers,” said Alpha. “Summon your Zords.” The Rangers did so, and their new Zords rushed into the city. Usagi’s resembled a massive crab with bright blue eyes and a white body, Naruto’s a solid crimson bull. Lettuce’s resembled a massive green centaur, complete with a bow as a weapon. Toby’s resembled a bright blue fish, Pinkie’s a giant pink scorpion, and  Ebony’s a solid black ram. The Zord cockpits were similar to their last ones, controls consisting of simple buttons and joysticks.

 

“White Ranger, ready!”

 

“Red Ranger, ready!”

 

“Blue Ranger, ready!”

 

“Green Ranger, ready!”

 

“Pink Ranger, ready!”

 

“Black Ranger, ready!”

 

The Crabzord’s claws split away from its body, and formed into a humanoid shape, with the Bull and Fishzords forming into the arms. The Scorpionzord, on the other hand, formed into a massive arm cannon. The Centaurzord became the legs, and the Ramzord became a badass helmet. “Cosmic Multimegazord...READY!” shouted the united Rangers. The youma laughed at them once again...and spoke.

 

“Foolish children. Foolish, foolish children…” It said, amused. “Do you really believe your machines will save you? They won't.”

 

“When you’re a Power Ranger,” said Usagi. “Anything is possible.”

 

“Really? Then come out of your machine, Usagi Tsukino, Daughter of the Emperor, Huntress of Khorne, and face me. How does that Mark feel? Is it burning? Tell me, as I am most...curious.”

 

“How does it feel? ...Oh, it burns. With the bloodlust of a warrior.” The Cosmic Multimegazord then launched itself at the youms, knocking it down. The youma laughed mockingly.

 

“Foolish girl. That is not bloodlust you feel. It is His disappointment.” Before the youma could speak further the mecha began punching it in the face. Repeatedly. The youma took the blows, before catching the fifth punch casually. It grinned, before hitting the mecha in the face with a clenched fist. Sparks flew within the cockpit, and alarms began blaring. The youma shoved the mech backwards, standing up. Slowly getting up, the Cosmic Multimegazord launched itself at the youma again, lifting its leg in a kick.

 

The youma took the blow to the chest, sliding back. It was grinning still, fangs gleaming.

 

“Do you hear Him, Usagi? The Lord of Battle, chiding you for hiding inside that machine? You bear His Mark, and He does not suffer cowardice without retribution.”

 

“SHUT UP!” screamed Usagi, unleashing all her strength in a punch. The youma’s jaw snapped cleanly, like a twig. The creature grunted, before snapping it back into position.

 

“And what of your Father, the Emperor? Is His disappointment apparent, as well? Has He scolded you, His wayward child, or is His silence rebuke enough?”

 

“Usagi…” said Naruto. “Don’t let that monster’s lies get to you. We can do this.”

 

“Lies? You think me a liar? I have not spoken a word of deceit. I was created this way. It is literally impossible for me to lie. After all, why use deception, when you can break someone with the truths they don't wish to confront?” Usagi roared, the Mark on her back glowing at its brightest. The Cosmic Multimegazord pummeled the youma even further, slamming it into the ground. The youma was laughing, mocking them.

 

“Oh, I see you have learned more from Lord Khorne than I imagined! Go on, then! Break me, if you so choose! It won't change a damned thing!” Those were its last words, as the mecha ripped out its heart...or what could be considered its heart: a midnight black and purple glowing sphere. The laughter was cut off, the youma’s mouth still contorted into a grin.

 

Suddenly, the sphere burst into flames, burning with Warpfire. A voice spoke, “I am Magnus the Red, Daemon Primarch of the Thousand Sons. Greetings, Rangers, Kras’hir...sister.”

 

“...Oh, joy. More family.” said Usagi.

 

“Ah, yes. You are convinced I am a traitor. You've spoken with Father, who I'm sure has no warm feelings towards me.”

 

“What do you want?”

 

“What do I want? I want you to listen to me. Can you do that?”

 

“Yeah, I guess.”

 

“I learned of Horus’ fall to Chaos before anyone else. I tried to warn Father, but He didn't listen. Do you know what He did instead? He ordered our darling brother, Leman Russ, to take his damned Space Wolves and burn Prospero, the world where my Legion and I dwelled. I was content to let them do it, as I had been forced to punch through the psychic barriers protecting Terra from Chaos to send my message to Father. I was ready to die for my mistakes...until I heard my battle-brothers screaming. The Changer of Ways came to me then, and offered a bargain: Serve Him, and I would have the power to save my Legion. I accepted His deal, and my Legion was saved…”

 

“Why are you telling me this?”

 

“I am telling you so you do not blindly follow the path Father has laid. Tell me, Usagi: What would you have done? If you were in my position, and your friends were being slaughtered just outside, would you reject any bargain that had a chance of saving them?”

 

“No. But I have to accept my future as Regina of the Neo-Imperium.”

 

“No, you don't! Why do you think I had Kras’hir show you the visions I sent? I don't want that future to come to pass. It is not set in stone. You can still change it.”

 

“But Kras’hir said-”

 

“...what? That by the time that battle occurred, one or more of your friends would be dead?”

 

“Yes!”

 

“That may yet be true, but it is not set in stone. There is no fate but what we make, sister.”

 

“...” Usagi said nothing, removing her helmet.

 

“I do not want to fight you, Usagi. I, unlike most of my brothers, still value family.”

 

“Then help us….please.”

 

Suddenly, the vision of the future replayed in her head, but this time, it had changed: Magnus was standing beside her and the Emperor, his staff raised toward the forces of Chaos. His Legion stood behind him, weapons aimed at the enemy.

 

“...” Usagi’s jaw dropped. “I love you, brother.”

 

“Oh, stop it. You're making me blush, sister.” Magnus said flatly.

 

“What are we going to do? Or what will you do? Radiguet, the Necrons, and Horus...they’re all coming.”

 

“Well, first, I am going to find an old friend of mine. Oh, and I'll be taking that.”

 

The youma disappeared, going to the Warp. “An old friend?”

 

“Ahzek Ahriman.”

 

“...He’s working against us!”

 

“Ahriman is an extremist with good intentions. He will rejoin me if I ask him to. I expelled him from my Legion long, long ago...and I think it is time to welcome him back.”

 

“If you say so…”

 

“To be bluntly honest, I am going to recruit him whether you approve or not, Usagi.”

 

“All right…”

 

Magnus departed, the Warpfire fading from the sphere. Ahriman, meanwhile, had seen all that had transpired. He was...surprised, to say the least. Queen Beryl sat on her throne, tears in her eyes. Ahriman looked at her, blinking.

 

“...Your Grace?”

 

“Y-yes?”

 

“Why is it that you weep, fair lady?”

 

“I don’t want you leaving me…”

 

He walked over to her, gently wiping away her tears. “I will not leave you.”

 

“You won’t?”

 

“Nay. Even if I depart in the physical sense, I will always be with you in here.”

 

He tapped his head. “I formed a mental link with you when we made love. Now, we will never be completely apart.”

 

She hugged him, burying his face in her bosom. The sorcerer coughed, the sound muffled by her chest. She eventually pulled him away, but not before kissing him. He kissed her back, his hands exploring her body playfully. After several minutes of passion, Beryl broke the kiss. Ahriman smirked for a moment, before donning his helmet.

 

At the entrance to the castle, a tall figure approached, wearing golden armor, adorned with a red cape. His skin was light red, and he wore a horned helmet. In his right hand was a long staff, carved from wood and metal. “Ah, you must be Primarch Magnus.” said Beryl. Her guards had resisted his entrance. There was now a large gap where the castle doors used to be, and her guards were dead. The Mekboyz looked at him with distrust and confusion. Magnus merely nodded. “You are here for Arhiman, yes?”

 

Again, Magnus only nodded. He turned to look at the Orks, his expression not changing. “WUTCHU WANT?” Bzrk asked.

 

“I did not come here for you, Ork. Who is it that you serve?”

 

“DOKTA MANIAK!” The doctor gave Magnus a curt nod. The Primarch returned it.

 

“I have heard of you, doctor.”

 

“And I have heard of you, Primarch. You and the rest of your brethren are fascinating.”

 

“The Emperor’s Children have a great deal of respect for you, their Primarch especially. Your experiments on living test subjects have made you a common subject of conversation among servants of Slaanesh.”

 

“Pray that they have not heard of my humiliating defeat by the Power Rangers Bio Force...I was able to kill their Yellow Ranger, all things considered…”

 

“Oh, they are well aware of that. The Yellow Ranger’s soul suffers in the Palace of Pain even now.”

 

“Good. Let that be a lesson to her.”

 

“Have you told the Queen what you did, Ahriman, to warrant me exiling you?” Magnus asked, turning to the sorcerer. Ahriman shook his head.

 

“And what, exactly, was it?” Beryl asked.

 

“He attempted to reverse the mutations plaguing the Thousand Sons by casting a powerful spell known as the Rubric of Ahriman. Alas, it did not work as he intended. Instead, it reduced most of my Legion to mindless automata.”

 

“Good intentions, but poor execution.”

 

“Indeed. Which is why I banished him for it.”

 

“Well then, why are you taking him back in?”

 

“I need his help.”

 

“That much is obvious. But with what?”

 

Magnus replied after a brief pause, “Helping my sister stop what is coming to consume mankind.” Queen Beryl sighed.

 

“As much as I may not like Sailor Moon...if it is to stop the Necrons, then I will allow it.” She then turned to her remaining advisors. “Zoisite, Kunzite, Nephrite...you will continue youma-creating duties.”

 

“Usagi says hello, by the way.”

 

“Tell her that I wish her dead.”

 

“Oh, wait!” Magnus said, remembering the real message she had asked him to pass along. “She actually called you a cowardly, arrogant, vain, egotistical, stupid bitch, and said she looks forward to sticking your head on a spike.”

 

“Out.”

 

“Or she might have actually said cu-”

 

The Orks shouted, “DA BOSS LADY TOLD YA TO GO, SO GO!”

 

Magnus didn't move.

 

Zoisite stared at Kunzite and Nephrite, only blinking. Kunzite said hesitantly, “Erm...Your Grace?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“May I suggest not ordering Primarch Magnus around?”

 

“...All right.”

 

Magnus looked at Ahriman, who looked back at his Primarch. Neither spoke. “I love you, Ahriman.” said Beryl. “You may leave at your own volition.”

 

Magnus didn't expect that. The Primarch blinked at them both. “When the Hell did this happen?”

 

“Recently.” Beryl said smugly.

 

“...Huh. You're going to have a child.” Beryl just stared, surprised.

 

“I’m going to be a mother…”

 

Ahriman said nothing, shocked. Magnus nodded. “What gender will it be?” Beryl asked, curious.

 

“Female.” Beryl cried once more, this time out of elation.

 

“I had a son...once…” Dr. Maniac said, no sense of emotion in his words.

 

“Your son is resting peacefully, doctor, in a place where no harm may trouble him.” Magnus said. Dr. Maniac growled in response. Magnus looked at him.

 

“Did you want him to suffer in the afterlife, doctor? Your own child?”

 

“Emotions and other...human...traits are sickening and pathetic. The only way is that of metal.” Dr. Maniac said. Magnus was unsettled by this.

 

“It is little wonder, then, why you revere the Necrons. Or, at least, the common Necron warriors. Their leaders are as prone to emotion as any organic being.”

 

“Absolutely disgusting. Why give in to things such as flesh and emotions when you can become perfect...like I am trying to achieve? My goal is to shed myself of my humanity and ascend into my true form: one of metal.”

 

“Why give into emotions? The Necrons did not choose to become metal. They were tricked by the C’Tan into becoming machines. Most Necrons are too degraded by the Great Sleep to care, but many of them who can still think despise their own existence.”

 

“And they should be purged.”

 

“I am sure they would say the same about you and your creations, doctor.”

 

Doctor Maniac left, retiring to his lab. The Orks followed him. Magnus noted after he left, “His nose is broken.”

 

Ahriman said, “He seized my staff without my consent. I was not amused, so I hit him with it. After all...the only one who can seize my staff without consent is the Queen.” This got a laugh out of Beryl and her advisors. Magnus chuckled.

 

“I will leave you be, Ahriman, but I will likely call upon you for help in the near future.”

 

“Very well.”

 

With that, Magnus left. Ahriman knelt before his Queen, taking off his helmet. “It looks like I am not going anywhere.” Beryl grinned and kissed him.

 

Back on Core Earth, the Rangers, now demorphed, were aiding in Coastal Falls’ rebuilding effort. Each of them were contributing in some way: Lettuce was putting on a benefit concert featuring himself on guitar, Naruto and Pinkie were holding a canned food drive, Toby and Ebony were helping in construction, and Usagi and Kras’hir were doing...something. Somehow, the Daemoness had been coerced into telling stories to children who had been orphaned by the riots. She told them about her own past, but did not focus on blood and gore; rather, she focused on the adventure, and the heroes she had met along the way. Especially of a man by the name of Ciaphas Cain, HERO OF THE IMPERIUM!

 

“Was he really that big of a hero, miss?” a small girl of three asked. Kras’hir had fallen in love with that little girl on sight. She couldn't help it. The little one was so...damned...cute.

 

“Yes, he was, little lady. He always did his best to save people, and he never ran from a fight. Even when he was afraid.”

 

“He sounds so cool!” the girl said, Usagi giggling from her adorableness. Kras’hir smiled gently. She wasn't wearing her ring, but that didn't seem to make any difference. The children weren't scared in the slightest. “And you’re cool too, miss Kras’hir.”

 

“Wow, you're a smart little girl, aren't you? Only three, and you say my name just fine. Oh, I almost forgot to ask! What's your name, little one?”

 

“Sally. Sally Anne.”

 

“What a nice name!...You lost your mommy and daddy, didn't you?” At this, Sally began crying, and Usagi went to comfort her. Kras’hir did the same, hugging the girl as gently as she could.

 

“I wish you were my sisters...you’d take care of me…” Sally said, drying her tears. Kras’hir looked at Usagi.

 

“What? You want to...adopt her?”

 

“Don't you? Come on, Usagi. Look at her…”

 

“Ohhhh...I dunno...my parents have enough mouths to feed…”

 

“We can take care of her, my love.”

 

“If you’re so sure...then yes. But it’s gonna take a while, given how difficult adoption is.”

 

It actually didn't take very long at all. There were so many orphaned children that the officials in charge of adoption were eager to get them all into good, loving homes. Once the man they spoke to saw how loving a couple ‘Krystal’ and Usagi were, and how excited they were to adopt a child, he smiled at them, and signed the papers that finalized the adoption of Sally Anne. Usagi picked up her new little sister, and carried her home. Kras’hir was interested to see just how shocked Usagi’s family would be. They were indeed shocked. Ikuko actually fainted. Kenji went to go drown his sorrows in coffee. Shingo wasn’t too fond of the idea in having a smaller sister.

 

Kras’hir looked at Sally, and noticed how sad she looked. “What's wrong, little one?”

 

“Your family doesn’t like me…”

 

Kras’hir began to feel anger towards Usagi’s family. The only sign of this was her eyes narrowing a bit, and her hands clenching and unclenching. Shingo knew what that meant, and he ran.

 

Kras’hir went to where Kenji was, and said calmly, “You disgust me. Do you not understand how many orphans there are in this city? How many children lost their parents to these damned riots?”

 

“Yes. I only have a problem with this because we don’t need another person in this house.” Kenji said. “...What I mean is, having another person, especially a girl this young, would not only put a strain on our finances, but also  put little Sally in danger given what happened earlier and what’s coming.”

 

“You believe I would let any harm come to that little girl? No one will hurt her in any way. No one. I'll kill anyone who attempts it before they get the chance.”

 

“...I see your point, and I’m sorry for acting so irrationally.”

 

She sighed. “No, I understand where you're coming from. You will not have to worry about providing for her. I acquired a shitload of money from looters I encountered, so I can pay for food and such.”

 

“Oh, that’s good.”

 

“I mean, just look at that sweet little girl. How could we not bring her home?”

 

“Well, I would love to have another daughter…”

 

“Usagi looks at her like a sister, but to me, she's practically my own daughter. Considering how old I truly am...well…”

 

“...then yes, she can stay.”

 

Kras’hir smiled, before going back to Usagi and Sally. Usagi was still comforting her. Kras’hir whispered in her ear, “I talked to your father.”

 

“What’d he say?”

 

“He's fine with Sally being here.” Usagi hugged Kras’hir in joy. Sally could only look. Kras’hir smiled at her. The little girl joined in the hug, smiling and laughing. The Daemoness laughed with her, happy.

 

In the Command Center, Alpha checked up on all the Rangers, and sighed. “Oh, dear...this peace isn’t going to last for long.”

 

Omnus nodded, looking into the Viewing Globe as well. “I knew they had discussed it, but I did not expect those two to adopt a child this soon.”

 

“...I’m afraid of what’ll happen to that little girl.”

 

Omnus saw something just outside of where Usagi, Sally and Kras’hir were. “...I think she's got a guardian angel already, old friend.”

 

On a nearby rooftop, watching the three of them, was Angron. His World Eaters were busy stamping out chisadesu who were attempting to attack Sally.

 

“Soon…” he muttered. “...the Federation will fall, and a new era will begin.”

 

The Lord of the Red Sands looked at Sally one last time.

 

“No one shall harm you, little one. Not while I still draw breath…”

 

He turned on his heel, walking away to join the hunt his World Eaters were carrying out…

[4EverGreen]

One last Elimination Challenge before the Final Three! It's time to find out our next destination in this exciting game! / Sniz is in the cock-pit, and he says: “Last time on Total Cartoon Global Cruise, the Final Five contestants and their partners, took a trip to Slovakia! First, they climbed down a mountain, than they explored the insides of a giant cave system, in order to find a random number of flags hidden within it! Some contestants, like Reggie and Patrick, did a really good job of finding their flags! Other contestants, like Skipper and Chameleon, got a bit distracted in trying to retrieve their flags. And Suzie's method of finding her flag, with Mad Dog Hoek Lil Deville, nearly BLEW away everyone inside the mountain! In fact, Lil Deville unintentionally caused the elimination of Chameleon from the game, sending him and Dudley home, with $40 million in cold hard cash! Now, we are down to the Final Four! Suzie, Skipper, Patrick, and Reggie! They're all guaranteed at least a $41 million payoff now, but only three of them, will be able to proceed to the Final Three! One more Elimination Challenge awaits us today, in this exciting semi-final round of Total Cartoon Global Cruise! Chicago, here we come!” /

Instead of the usual show open, a montage retrospective of all the Final Four and their partner's during their moments of love, and tough times throughout this season, are played to the tune of a familiar song by Chicago, the band! / Genre: Soft Rock. Sub-genre: Chicago (the band). Song: “If You Leave Me Now.” Sung by: Chicago (the band)! / Peter Cetera sings: “If you leave me now, you'll take away the biggest part of me. Ooohh, no; baby, please don't go! And if you leave me now, you'll take away the very heart of me. Ooohh, no; baby, please don't go! Ooohh, girl! I just want you to stay! A love like ours, is love that's hard to find. How could we let it slip away? We've come too far to leave it all behind. How could we end it all this way? When tomorrow comes and we'll both regret the things we said today. A love like ours is love that's hard to find. How could we let it slip away? We've come too far to leave it all behind. How could we end it all this way? When tomorrow comes and we'll both regret the things we said today. If you leave me now, you'll take away the biggest part of me. Ooohh, no; baby, please don't go! Ooohh, girl! I just got to have you by my side! Ooohh, no; baby, please don't go! Ooohh, mama! I just got to have your loving here!” / “Chicago, the City, AND Music from the Band!” /

The plane is in transit, and the action focuses in on Reggie and Rocko, in the V.I.P. Lounge. But Reggie, instead of enjoying all the free perks the area has to offer, is instead sitting in a comfy chair, as if thinking about something important. Rocko asks: “Reggie, something seems to be bugging to. Most contestants, would be THRILLED to win a spot in the V.I.P. Lounge! But with you, it's like you're not even TRYING to enjoy it!” Reggie says: “I don't want to get stuck with the thought of complacency or laziness. It's kind of a double-edged sword when it comes to winning. You win too often in a short period of time, and you run the risk of thinking that there is nothing that can STOP you from winning! My brother falls VICTIM to that way of thinking a lot! I do my best to not make the same mistakes that he has made. I just hope that my sense of diligence, is stronger than my urge to win.” Rocko says: “Reggie, both of us are ALREADY in a good place without needing to do anything else. You made the Final Four; you're already in the same league as your brother. Plus, you survived FAR more elimination ceremonies than he ever has! That's already a feat, in and of itself!” Reggie says: “Thank you, Rocko. All the same, I have no intention of resting on my laurels now. It's not over yet.” Rocko says: “Good point, Reggie. We've still got one final Elimination Challenge to face today, and then it all comes down to the Final Three, being the Best of the Best! Do you think you've got what it takes to smoke the competition?” Reggie answers: “I make it a point to NEVER answer that question prematurely! I only answer that question AFTER I have done it!” Rocko says: “Sounds like some sound advice if I've ever heard it! And I've certainly heard of my fair share of sound advice over the years, that's for sure!” (Confessional)

Reggie says: “If there's one thing that I've learned from Tito, is that you can NEVER afford to get complacent in a long term competition of this level! You may be at the top ONE minute, but you can easily trip and be at the bottom the next! I kind of see now just WHY Captain Retro took it upon himself to win many of the challenges from our team! He NEVER got complacent, and you can't argue with the end results. Team Retro, the team I was on for the majority of this season, got to the Team Merge with ELEVEN members! That was more than HALF of the remaining contestants! He definitely had the discipline to stay focused on the end game! I just hope that I have the same kind of skill!” / Rocko says: “When I got to this point last season, it was different for me. The biggest difference, is that I didn't have to face a challenge in a new place, or have to sing at least one new song in every episode. Even though we had our share of villains that we had to dispatch, I think that I and my fellow Final Three contestants had it relatively easy LAST season! What Reggie has had to do, is compete in the equivalent of an Ultra Marathon! From Alaska, to Death Valley, to New York, to the Amazon, and many places in-between! She's done good so far! All she has to do is to get past one final hump, and we will be at the Final Three! After that, it's anyone's guess as to who will win it all!” (End Confessional)

The remaining contestants and their partners are in the First Class section of the plane. Otto says: “Suzie, don't you want to give your beloved Otto a congratulations kiss for being by your side in the Final Four?!” And Suzie merely replies: “Humph!” Otto asks: “Is that ALL I'm going to get from you?! Come on, Suzie; I already apologized, like, about, 44.44 million TIMES about getting distracted in that Slovakia challenge!” (Confessional) Suzie says: “And if Otto is not careful, that MIGHT be the only 44.44 million that HE'S ever going to see! We can NOT afford any distractions right now!” (End Confessional) Otto asks: “Can't you show me the SLIGHTEST bit of affection?” Unenthusiastically, Suzie cheers: “Go, Otto Rocket. Rah, rah, rah.” Otto sarcastically says: “Careful you don't get WHIPLASH from moving so fast!” Patrick says: “It's too bad you don't have a loving and trusting relationship, like me and Pearl have!” Otto asks: “You call your girlfriend FORGETTING who you even WERE for nearly six WHOLE challenges, loving and TRUSTING?!” Pearl incredulously says: “That WASN'T my fault! I hurt my head! And hurting your head is no joke!” Patrick says: “Tell me about it. Squidward often says that when it comes to getting MY head hurt, I am the definitive King of Pain!” Skipper asks: “Just out of curiosity, I've always WONDERED something about you! I want to ask you something, and I want you to answer me honestly!” Patrick says: “Okay, what do you want to ask me?” Skipper yells: “Were you DROPPED on your HEAD as a CHILD?!” Pearl starts yelling: “How DARE you ask my boyfriend such a--!” Patrick says: “Constantly! Why do you ask?!” And Pearl face-palms herself! (Confessional) Skipper says: “Well, mystery solved!” / Pearl sighs, and says: “Patrick, I REALLY do love you! But, seriously, MAN; you're NOT helping your own case!” / Patrick says: “Skipper asked, what I thought was a fair question! How was I supposed to KNOW that he was using it to insult me?! Catching the undertone of other people's questions, really isn't one of my greater strengths! I'll REALLY have to work on getting better at that, once this whole competition thing blows over!” (End Confessional) Marlene says: “Skipper, remember that LITTLE TALK about making FUN of other contestants' supposed weaknesses', and traits?” Skipper answers: “Uh, to NOT to?” Marlene says: “That's right! So what do we do?” Skipper says: “Drop it and leave alone, lest I tempt fate again?” Marlene pats Skipper on the back, and she says: “Much better! I KNEW you'd learn it eventually!”

(Confessional) Skipper says: “Trying to become a better contestant and NOT trip myself up is like, so HARD, you know! I honestly have NO idea how Captain Retro did it! Granted, he had SOME form of clairvoyance about the future, and even THEN, he was sometimes wrong or taken by surprise! I wouldn't even be DOING this if it wasn't for Marlene! But I got to impress her SOMEHOW!” / Marlene says: “I don't think I was THIS high and mighty when I was in the Final Four LAST time!” (End Confessional)

Sniz activates the intercom, and over the loud-speakers, he says: “Attention, contestants; we are down to the Final Four challengers! We have one Final Elimination challenge today, and it is happening in Chicago!” Pearl says: “I've always wanted to GO to Chicago, but my father would never take me!” Sniz says: “Your challenge for this time, should you choose to accept it IF you don't want to lose; involves running the Magnificent Mile in Chicago, from south to north. You will start where Michigan Avenue intersects with Kinzie Street, and will go up until Michigan Avenue intersects with Oak Street. While you are running on Michigan Avenue, you will stop at the Chicago Water Tower located on the corner of Michigan Avenue and Chicago Avenue, at 806 Michigan Avenue. While there, you will engage in a Chicago Deep Dish Pizza Eat-off against an infamous Spongebob Squarepants eater, Bubble Bass! If you lose or SKIP this part of the challenge, you will be penalized ten minutes, and you will HAVE to take the dreaded STAIRS up the Willis Tower in Chicago; 103 stories or 1,353 feet of them! But if you WIN in the Chicago Deep Dish Pizza Eat-off against Bubble Bass, you will be able to take the Express Elevator straight up, and be able to bypass all the stairs! A move which should prove very beneficial towards the final part of the challenge; circumnavigating the entire width of the Willis Tower! There's only four feet of the sky deck to work with, and you have to circumnavigate of 4,477,800 square feet!” Patrick says: “That sounds DANGEROUS!” Sniz says: “Not to worry! You will be equipped with safety harnesses and safety ropes! If you lose your balance, our Fairy Godparent interns are legally required to pull you back up! The first contestant AND their partner, to safely circumnavigate the Willis Tower safely, will receive Immunity from the ensuing vote-off at the end of this challenge! Whoever gets voted out of the contest at the end of this challenge, will be out of the running for the Grand Prize, but they will go home with $41 million in cold, hard, cash! So, there's a lot to be excited about!” General Barracuda says: “And tell them about our musical selection for THIS time!” Sniz says: “And for an added challenge, since we are GOING to Chicago, all the songs that will be sung for THIS challenge, must be songs that were originally performed BY the band, named Chicago!” Marlene raises her right eyebrow and asks: “SERIOUSLY?”

(Confessional) Sniz says: “YOU try coming up with different genre ideas for all the songs in this season! It was either, go to Chicago and sing songs originally performed by the BAND Chicago; or go to Memphis, Tennessee to sing out-dated country or Dixie Jazz music, or pay MILLIONS of dollars to sing music made famous by Elvis 'The King' Presley himself!” (End Confessional) Skipper says: “But Willis Tower is located at 223 South Wacker Drive, that's SOUTH of where Michigan Avenue ends at Oak Avenue!” Sniz asks: “Do the words, 'Fairy Godparents', ring any bells as to how we will GET you from there to Willis Tower?! But, if you don't like it, you could ALWAYS choose to RUN back there!” Skipper gets an Anime tear sweat drop, and says: “On second thought, far be it for ME to look a gift warp in the mouth!” Otto sarcastically says: “Gee, it sounds to me like we are REALLY going to LOVE competing in THIS episode!” And Suzie gives Otto a DIRTY look! Otto asks: “WHAT?!!!” (Confessional) Otto says: “You know, Suzie could have just TOLD me that my being sarcastic, was going to prompt SOME kind of genius response from Sniz!” / Suzie groans, sighs, and says: “You know, by now, you would THINK that Otto would KNOW better! Even PATRICK knows better than to respond like that, and he drifts out of his own MIND half of the time!” / Patrick says: “You know, I just got the STRANGEST feeling that somebody gave me the most sincere compliment about me that they've ever given me! If that's true, I guess I'll take it! It might be the best I'll ever GET from them!” (End Confessional) Sniz says: “Oh, you DON'T love this idea, Otto?! Well, in that case, we'll let you AND Suzie take SOLE control of the singing for the MANDATORY song of this episode!” Otto says: “Come on! Suzie just gave ME the dirtiest look she's ever given ME! She's not going to--!” Suzie interrupts and says: “We will BOTH sing, for SNIZ! Besides, I LOVE singing, even IF it's a Chicago song, and we are NOT about to lose NOW! Just give us the proper signal and we'll begin!”

(Beep! Beep! Ba-Beep! Beep! Beep!) Marlene says: “And now, you can begin!” /

Genre: Soft Rock. Sub-genre: Chicago (the band). Song: “Love Me Tomorrow”. Sung by: Otto and Suzie! / Otto: “She said--.” Suzie: “It's lonely here tonight.” Otto: “She's always sad when she's alone. She said--.” Suzie: “I need you here tonight.” Otto: “She couldn't wait 'til I get home. She loves me, and that's all I need to know. She's part of my life; just a part I won't let go. Then she said--.” Suzie: “Love me tomorrow. Won't you please promise me? Love me tomorrow like today. Love me tomorrow; hurry back. Can't you see I need you much more than yesterday?” Otto: “You know it's always cold at night; it's always lonely 'til the dawn. And though it's not what we both want, knowing she's there, I'll carry on. Because she loves me, and that's all I need to know. She's part of my life; just a part I won't let go. Then she said--.” Suzie: “Love me tomorrow. Won't you please promise me? Love me tomorrow like today. Love me tomorrow; hurry back. Can't you see I need you more than any words can say?” Otto: “She loves me, and that's all I need to know. She's part of my life; just a part I won't let go. Then she said--.” Suzie: “Love me tomorrow. Won't you please promise me? Love me tomorrow like today. Love me tomorrow; hurry back. Can't you see I need you much more than yesterday?” Otto: “Love me tomorrow; love me tomorrow like today. Love me tomorrow; I need you much more than yesterday.” / Sniz claps, and he says: “Wonderful singing Suzie, as usual! Let's hope your challenge skills are as good as your singing skills! They'll have to be if you BOTH want to get into the Final Three!” (Confessional) Suzie says: “I SWEAR!!!! Or rather, I would, if I WANTED to get censor bleeped like Angelica Pickles constantly does! In any case, if Otto BLOWS it for both of us THIS close to the Finish line, I am going to be SO ticked!” / Otto has a weird look on his face, and he says: “Yeah, I think Suzie might be a little mad at me! It's not MY fault that I can't take the rest of the competition SERIOUSLY! Well, maybe it is a LITTLE, but that's NOT the point! I mean, can you really BLAME me?! We've got Patrick the STUMBLER, Skipper the CONSPIRACY theorist, and Reggie to compete against! And the only reason I don't have a nick-name for my sister, is because I think she'd probably KICK me if she found out I called her something insulting! But Suzie has REALLY got to loosen up! We're in the Final FOUR!!!! Something completely CRAZY would have to happen for us to lose right NOW!” (End Confessional) General Barracuda activates the intercom, and announces: “We're making our final approach to the Chicago O'Hare International Airport! Please put your trays and seats back in the upright position and—oh! You know the drill by now!” And the plane makes a soft landing on one of the landing strips. /

The camera cuts to the contestants, looking down an unusually strange sight, as they don't see any cars, vehicles, or vehicles, going down the Miracle Mile! Skipper asks: “And what can we attribute THIS unusual occurrence to?!” Sniz says: “We've blocked off the Miracle Mile for your own safety, contestants. We don't want any unruly fans breaking through and hounding you for your autographs. You might NEVER finish this challenge if they did!” Marlene says: “Too bad. I actually LIKE giving out MY autograph to my ever loving fans!” Pearl says: “I'm SURE you do!” Sniz says: “Anyways, it should take you about a half-hour to run the length of the Miracle Mile, not counting the amount of time it will take you to compete against Bubble Bass in the eat-off, providing you don't get any funny ideas about SKIPPING it, Otto!” Otto asks: “Why only address ME?!!! Someone ELSE might have the same idea!” Sniz says: “Maybe, but you're PROBABLY the only contestant FOOLISH enough to TRY such a stunt!” Reggie says: “He's got you THERE, brother!” Otto rolls his eyes, and says: “OH, SHUT UP!!!!” (Confessional) Otto says: “I SWEAR!!!! Well, technically I don't, because I DON'T want to be like Angelica, but Reggie thinks I am SO predictable! Anyways, Suzie and I are NOT skipping the eat-off because we can't WIN it, but because that event would take away from valuable RUNNING time that Suzie and I could GAIN from NOT doing the eat-off! As in, getting an insurmountable LEAD!” / Reggie says: “Otto is heading for trouble!”

(End Confessional) Sniz says: “In any case, REMEMBER, if you DO choose to skip the Eat-Off, or LOSE, you will be penalized ten minutes from the time you finish the Miracle Mile, to the time you are supposed to climb the Willis Tower! So even if you ARE speedy, that doesn't necessarily mean you'll win! All right! Everybody, get your game faces on!” Patrick asks: “We need to wear MASKS to win this challenge?!” Pearl says: “It's just a metaphor, meaning you need to get ready!” Patrick says: “Oh!” (Confessional) Patrick says: “Getting the hang of knowing what metaphors are, is a really tough CHALLENGE for me! I must have been home SICK with the Flu or something when they taught metaphors at school!” / Pearl says: “I fully BELIEVE, that Patrick has the ability and the know-how to win first place in this entire competition! All he needs is a little encouragement, and a little push, to do it! And I am completely capable of providing BOTH to him!” (End Confessional) Sniz says: “On your mark, get set--!” General Barracuda shoots off a firework, and he says: “Practicing for the Fourth of July!” The firework explodes, and Sniz shouts: “GO!!!!” Reggie, Rocko, Otto, Skipper, and Marlene take off into a quick five-way lead, while Patrick, Pearl, and Suzie struggle behind to keep up with their pace! (Confessional) Suzie says: “REAL cute, Otto! Just completely forget the fact that it's your GIRLFRIEND who has to win this challenge, and not YOU!!!! If it weren't for the fact that me LOVING Otto makes Angelica totally CRAZY, I wouldn't be this dedicated to him! Some people might say I'm crazy, but then again, those people AREN'T me!” (End Confessional) A little later, Reggie, Rocko, and Otto are still running fast, but Skipper and Marlene have slowed down and Pearl has caught up to them. Pearl asks: “Do you know how much LONGER before we get to where we're supposed to have the eat-off?” Marlene says: “No! Do I LOOK like I have a G.P.S., installed in my brain?!” (Confessional) Marlene says: “Wouldn't it be COOL if I DID have a G.P.S., installed in my brain, though?! I'd NEVER have to ask directions from anyone EVER again! Probably!” (End Confessional) Patrick stops at a water fountain, and as Skipper walks past, Patrick pants, and says: “Can't...catch...breath! Must...have...condition!” Skipper sarcastically says: “Yeah! It's called, being LAZY! Look it up!” Suzie asks: “So what's YOUR stupid excuse?! You short, suspicious, snidely, snark-mouthed, feathered—WOOH! I'm too TIRED to insult!” General Barracuda drives Sniz in a fancy limo past them, and through a mega-phone, Sniz says: “Pick it up, slackers! The other contestants are leaving you behind in the dust, and are almost to the Chicago Water Tower!” Suzie growls, agitated, and she says: “He can be such an IRRITANT sometimes!” /

Reggie, Rocko, and Otto make it to the Chicago Water Tower, and Rocko says: “This is the place where we, or rather the ACTUAL contestants, have to participate in the eat-off against Bubble Bass!” And Bubble Bass is sitting in the lobby, where a bunch of Chicago Deep-Dish pizzas are waiting for him, and the contestants! Bubble Bass says: “Hello, simpletons! I hope you are prepared to a TRUE culinary connoisseur like ME!” Reggie says: “Oh, it's ON! I may not LIKE eating such unhealthy food, but I will NOT let that stop me from wiping the SMUG smile off your face! Want to watch me wipe the FLOOR with him, brother?!” Otto scoffs, and says: “As if! I'm going to mount an insurmountable lead, climbing the Willis Tower!” Rocko says: “You can't do that! You AND Suzie will get a ten minute penalization!” Otto says: “Ten minutes, shmen minutes, as long as we're in the lead!” Reggie groans and says: “Brother, you are SO going to regret your STUPID decision!” (Confessional) Reggie says: “My brother is a case of penny wise, pound foolish. Sure, he doesn't waste his pennies! But when it comes to planning out strategies for the LONG term game plan, my brother doesn't have a CLUE on how to make long-term tactics to win in the long run, WORK, even if his life depended on it! While I can understand his competitive nature, I'm not sure if Suzie will be as forgiving! That might be what ends up tripping my brother in the long run!” / Otto groans, and he asks: “Does Suzie REALLY think that a ten minute delay is going to stop ME and Suzie from WINNING?! I'd give them thirty MINUTES, and it STILL wouldn't be enough!” (End Confessional)

Rocko is disgusted by Otto's behavior, but unwilling to push Otto on it, Rocko just shakes his head and says: “Fine! You follow YOUR game plan, and we'll follow ours! And we'll just SEE which one ends up winning in the long run!” Otto says: “Fine! May the best MALE Rocket family member win!” And Otto continues to run toward the Oak Street intersection with Michigan Avenue! Reggie shouts at him: “You practically just HANDED Suzie a LOSS right THERE!!!!” (Confessional) Reggie groans, and she says: “SEE?! This is PRECISELY why I made SURE not to ask for Otto Rocket as my partner once I got to the Final Six! It's like Otto Rocket just wants to raise red flags for Suzie's elimination on PURPOSE!!!! Is he really THAT dense, cocky, and over-confidant?! Sometimes I wonder if he really IS related to me?!” / Otto groans, and he says: “Unfortunately, I AM related to that DOUR, sour sister of mine! Dad has the D.N.A., to prove it!” / Rocko says: “Reggie can handle anything this game can throw at her, whether its her own annoying brother, or a cocky, obese, green fish! She won't let them get the better of her!” (End Confessional) Reggie pulls up a chair, and sits at the table, staring at Bubble Bass face to face! Bubble Bass asks: “Well, do YOU want to attempt this FIRST, or should I?” Reggie says: “Oh, I'll let YOU go first!” Bubble Bass says: “Suit yourself!” And he starts gobbling HIS Deep Dish Pizza! (Confessional) Reggie says: “My strategy is two-fold. First off, I want to see what Bubble Bass' method of devouring his food is, so I can figure out how to do it faster and more efficient! The second is, if eating makes him MORE full, it will make it HARDER for him to beat the OTHER contestants who compete against him, after ME! I mean, just because I'm in a competition with them, doesn't mean that I can't level the playing field for them! I just want them to have the same chance as I do! That's what a TRUE competitor does!” (End Confessional) The camera cuts back to Bubble Bass, who has just finished eating his FIRST Deep Dish Pizza! Bubble Bass burps, and he says: “Eleven minutes! That's the time that YOU got to beat!” Suzie arrives, and she pants, and asks: “What did I miss?!” Rocko says: “Nothing, but unfortunately, Otto has his OWN plan! He went on ahead to the Oak Street intersection! He'd rather RISK the ten minute penalization, than waste his time against Bubble Bass! So it doesn't matter if YOU do this part of the challenge, you're already going to be penalized for Otto's stubborn behavior!” Suzie groans, and she says: “I can't believe it! This day can't POSSIBLY get any WORSE!!!!” Skipper, Marlene, Patrick, and Pearl finally arrive at the Chicago Water Tower! Pearl gasps, and she says: “We made it!” Suzie sourly says: “And cue the irony!”

Bubble Bass says: “Good! You're all here at once! That means you can ALL eat at the same time! Except for Otto and Suzie, since Otto isn't here! Suzie, I suggest you get running now! The penalization clock won't START until YOU get to Willis Tower WITH Otto!” Suzie says: “I sure hope the rest of YOU have more fun with THIS challenge than I am!” (Confessional) Suzie groans, and she says: “UGH!!!! It's just been one mind-numbing setback after another! Is this some kind of karmic payback for ME taking Otto away from Angelica even when SHE didn't really want HIM, and he never really wanted HER?! Because if it IS karmic payback, it's doing a really good JOB of messing with my game plan! And the worst part of it is, I brought it upon myself! It's going to take a MIRACLE at this point to keep my game plan alive!” (End Confessional) Suzie says: “When I get to Otto, I am going to give him SUCH a scolding!” And she runs after him! Bubble Bass says: “Reggie, Patrick, Skipper, while you're eating, why don't your partners sing a song originally performed by Chicago to provide you INSPIRATION?! Hint on the word, inspiration; if you know what I mean!” Rocko says: “We know what you mean, and we'll be happy to provide it!” /

Genre: Soft Rock. Sub-genre: Chicago (the band). / Song: “You're the Inspiration”. / Sung by: Marlene, Rocko, and Pearl! / During this song, a montage of the contestants eating as fast as they can, Otto and Suzie arriving at Willis Tower, but having to wait until their ten minute penalization is up, is seen. / Marlene: “You know our love was meant to be. The kind of love that lasts forever!” Rocko: “And I want you here with me, from tonight until the end of time!”

Pearl: “You should know, everywhere I go. Always on my mind, in my heart, in my soul! Baby!” Rocko, Marlene, and Pearl: “You're the meaning in my life! You're the inspiration! You bring feeling to my life! You're the inspiration!” Rocko: “Wanna have you near me! I wanna have you hear me saying, no one needs you more than I need you!” Marlene: “And I know, yes I know that it's plain to see; we're so in love when we're together! Now I know that I need you here with me! From tonight until the end of time!” Pearl: “You should know, everywhere I go. Always on my mind, you're in my heart, in my soul!” Rocko, Marlene, and Pearl: “You're the meaning in my life! You're the inspiration! You bring feeling to my life! You're the inspiration!” Pearl: “Wanna have you near me! I wanna have you hear me saying, no one needs you more than I need you!” Rocko, Marlene, and Pearl: “You're the meaning in my life! You're the inspiration! You bring feeling to my life! You're the inspiration!” Marlene: “Wanna have you near me! I wanna have you hear me saying, no one needs you more than I need you!” Rocko, Marlene, and Pearl: “You're the meaning in my life! You're the inspiration! You bring feeling to my life! You're the inspiration!” Rocko: “When you love somebody until the end of time! When you love somebody, no one needs you more than I need you! When you love somebody!” /

And the epic song montage ends, as all the contestants finish eating, and Bubble Bass is staring in disbelief! Bubble Bass says: “I don't believe it! Reggie, you finished your Deep Dish Pizza in 4 minutes and 44 seconds! Skipper, you finished in 6minutes and 16 seconds! And Patrick, you finished in 9 minutes and 27 seconds!” Patrick says: “I always KNEW that remembering the basic plot from the episode What's Eating Patrick?; One that I starred in, would come in handy!” Bubble Bass groans, and he says: “Well, a deal is deal! The keys to the express elevator are hanging on the coat hanger behind me! Take one, and go! Reggie first, Skipper second, and Patrick third! And to make it fair, Skipper must wait 1 minute and 32 seconds, since that's how much longer it took him to eat behind Reggie; and Patrick must wait 3 minutes and 11 seconds after Skipper grabs his key, for the same reason that Skipper must wait!” Skipper says: “Man, I hate waiting!” Reggie heads over to the coat hanger, and she says: “Cheer up! With any luck, you won't have to wait for long, but I'm going to grab my key and run...right, NOW!!!!” She snatches her key and shouts: “Come Rocko, RUN!!!!” Rocko says: “You don't have to tell ME twice!!!! (Confessional)

Rocko says: “That's one of the many things I love about Reggie! Always so prompt and diligent!” / Reggie says: “Even though devouring unhealthy food isn't really my thing, I HAD to let it go! Fifteen of my fellow contestants from Team Retro are counting on ME to win this money for ALL of us! We made a bargain, and I ALWAYS stick to my end of the bargain until I can deliver! That's the kind of contestant that I am!” / Patrick says: “Even though I was last to finish, I'm still proud of the fact that I was able to remember a plot of an episode that I starred in, without needing anybody's help to remind me. I'm PROUD of myself! At the very least, Squidward is going to have a much harder time making fun of me for being stupid now than he did BEFORE today!” / Marlene says: “I'm glad that Skipper has a healthy appetite! It certainly has helped us out SO far! Now let's see if the fuel it provides him with, gives an edge in the final part of this competition!” (End Confessional) Suzie and Otto are waiting outside the entrance to Willis Tower, but Suzie is clearly NOT happy with Otto! Otto says: “Come ON!!!! Are you going to give me THAT look all DAY?! We're WINNING!!!!” Suzie asks: “You call THIS, WINNING?!” Otto rhetorically asks: “Compared to making a foolish, greedy PIG out of yourself in a competition with LARD butt?! I'd say, YES!” Suzie says: “You forget, there is 103 stories of stairs that WE now have to run UP!” Otto says: “You mean that I have to run up! Look, I am personally going to carry you up every single step of that Tower! I will show you just how EASY this challenge is for me! There is NOTHING that can slow me down!” (Confessional) Otto says: “I KNEW that would be the thing to impress her! Who is the man with the plan?! THIS guy!” / Suzie says: “All right! Otto had a plan AFTER all! Let us just hope he can deliver!” (End Confessional)

Otto asks: “Sniz, how much more time do we have to wait?!” Sniz checks his watch, and he says: “About five more minutes!” Otto says: “Straight from the source himself! And we all KNOW that health nut Reggie, will NEVER be able to--!” Reggie yells: “Did you just call me a health nut as an insult?!” Otto screams: “YIPE!!!!” Suzie says: “I didn't even say it, and I'M scared! Yipe!” (Confessional) Suzie says: “For some reason, when it comes to Irony, it REALLY seems to want to rain down ALL at once, instead of spreading it out evenly! Why can't I ever just catch a BREAK?!” / Otto groans, and he says: “For some reason, my mouth always finds a way to BETRAY my brain, ego, and common sense, at the WORST possible, conceivable time!” (End Confessional) Rocko arrives right behind Reggie, and Reggie says: “You know what, Otto?! I WOULD read you the Riot Act here and now; but since I'm in the middle of a competition, I'm just going to let you off with a warning! Be more conscious of what comes out of YOUR mouth! It WILL come back to bite you in the BUTT, one of these days!” (Confessional) Reggie says: “Otto has to learn what I learned a LONG time ago! Unless you can get yourself into a high position of power, you can't just shoot off your MOUTH, no matter HOW skilled and athletic you are! It's better that he learn it now, instead of later! Because if he learns it LATER, by then, it could be too late for it to do any GOOD for him!” (End Confessional) Reggie says: “Otto, I'll see you and Suzie at the top, if you can even GET there!” And Reggie and Rocko rush inside! Rocko asks: “Aren't you going to use the key?!” Reggie stops, and she thinks about it! Rocko asks: “Do you REALLY need to THINK about this?! I mean, someone DOES have to win first place and win immunity!” Reggie says: “Well, Skipper and Marlene won't be TOO far behind us, so I think...” Rocko says: “Reggie, this is no time to lose your nerve and have second thoughts, now! So just put the key in the slot, and bring down the--.” The front door opens, and Skipper pants, and he says: “Marlene and I are here! Bring down the elevator already!” Reggie says: “See?! What did I tell you?! The problem resolved itself!” (Confessional) Rocko says: “Don't get me wrong; I'm all FOR having a fair game, but not to the point where it causes us to lose!” / Reggie says: “I still don't know if the winner is going to be determined by jury votes or not. But if it IS, I'm just taking every precaution I can to be seen as the majority favorite! And unlike Bulma Briefs, my attitude is completely natural, and free of pretensions! Now, it's time to get to the final part of this challenge!” (End Confessional)

Reggie turns her key, and the elevator arrives at the ground floor! Marlene asks: “Are we going to wait for Patrick and Pearl?” Skipper rhetorically asks: “Are you serious?! They can fend for themselves! If they REALLY want a slot in the Final Three, than they can EARN it!” (Confessional) Marlene says: “I don't know why, but I just have this WEIRD feeling that the HARDER everyone else TRIES to make sure that Patrick doesn't make it into the Final Three, the more it's going to end up HAPPENING! After all, irony has been hitting Suzie and Otto pretty HARD today; it's only a matter of time before that irony spreads out to the rest of us!” / Skipper says: “Don't get me wrong! Patrick WOULD be the perfect GOAT to compete against in the Final Three, making Reggie the only real threat, but there's only SO far that Suzie and I are willing to carry him! Do you know what I mean? He has GOT to show some back-bone! For us, there is no other challenge more important than this one right now!” (End Confessional) Reggie, Rocko, Marlene, and Skipper, get into the elevator, and Reggie says: “103rd floor express elevator, going UP!!!!” Patrick and Pearl rush in through the front doors, and Patrick says: “Guys, WAIT!!!!” But it's too late! The elevator doors close, leaving Patrick and Pearl on the ground floor! Patrick groans, and he says: “I can't believe it! We're TOO late! I was a FOOL to think those guys would ever let ME into the Final Three!” Pearl sharply says: “HEY! That's QUITTER talk and you KNOW it! My DAD would be very disappointed to know that the love of my life is a QUITTER! He didn't raise ME to be a quitter! Nor did he raise ME to be in love with quitters! The question is, are YOU a quitter?!” Patrick says: “Well, no! But...” Pearl interrupts and says: “There are no room for 'BUTS', in this competition! Only winners, and losers!”

Patrick says: “Well, when you put it THAT way, I want to be a WINNER!” Pearl says: “Than hop onto my back! I'm going to RUN you all the way up to the 103rd floor!” Otto and Suzie enter through the door, and Otto says: “Finally! Our ten minute penalization has ended! And not a moment too soon, it seems!” Patrick hops on Pearl's back; he nods, and he says: “Smoke them!” Pearl says: “With pleasure!” And with a FRENZY that she has NEVER experienced before, she takes off like a BOLT up the stairs, nearly keeping up the pace with the express elevator! Suzie shrieks: “AHHH!!!!” And she seethes! And she starts to say: “OH...why I ought to...! Of all the unbelievable! Stupid, idiotic, bamboozling, ways to...UGH!!!!” Otto says: “Try using actual SENTENCES, Suzie!” Suzie turns around to Otto, and she angrily says: “Oh, you want me to speak in actual SENTENCES?! FINE!!!! This is COMPLETELY, and UTTERLY YOUR FAULT!!!! If you had just LISTENED to ME from the START; none of THIS would be HAPPENING!” Otto incredulously responds: “Oh, so it's MY fault now?!” Suzie says: “Yeah!” Otto asks: “Really?” Suzie says: “Yeah!” Otto asks: “Really?” Suzie says: “Yeah!” Otto asks: “Really?” Suzie responds: “Yeah, REALLY!” Otto looks perplexed, and unwilling to carry the argument any further simply asks: “Very well. Shall we PROCEED to YOU getting YOUR own way yet AGAIN?!” Suzie says: “I'm STILL holding up YOUR end of the bargain to carry ME up the stairs!” Otto groans, and he says: “Me and my BIG, fat MOUTH!!!! Fine! Just get on my back, and don't lose your GRIP!!!!” And Suzie puts her ARMS around Otto TIGHTLY!!!! Otto gasps, and he says: “Not THAT hard!!!! I still need to BREATHE you know!” Suzie feigns innocence, and speaking baby talk, facetiously says: “Oh, I'm sorry! Did I hurt your wittle feewings?! I guess I just don't know my own STRENGTH sometimes!” (Confessional) A close-up of Otto is seen. He groans, and he says: “You know, I'm beginning to think that NO amount of money is worth all the pain and agony that I'm going through today. Somebody better give me ONE good reason as to why I should continue to do this!” The camera zooms out, and SHOWS Suzie in the Confessional WITH him! Suzie says: “I can give you FIVE good reasons!” And she slowly curls her left hand into a fist, and she says: “ONE; TWO; THREE; FOUR; FIVE!!!!” Otto nervously says: “Those are GOOD reasons! This challenge is not only getting TOO agonizing; it's getting TOO dangerous!” Suzie says: “For YOU, maybe!” (End Confessional)

As the express elevator goes up, Sniz's voice comes over the intercom, and he says: “Since most of you have nothing else BETTER to do until you get to your final destination, why don't you pass the time by singing ANOTHER song from Chicago?!” Marlene groans, and she says: “Oh, very well!” Sniz says: “And seeing as how the love between Otto and Suzie is currently on the rocks, why don't you make it a song pertaining to THAT specific situation?!” Skipper says: “In that case, I think we have the perfect song in mind!” / Genre: Soft Rock, than Jazz Fusion. Sub-genre: Chicago (the band). Song: “Hard for Me to Say I'm Sorry/Get Away”. Sung by: Cast! / A montage of four contestants going up in the elevator, and the other four running up the many stairs, is seen. / Otto: “Everybody needs a little time away, I heard her say. From each other!” Suzie: “Even lovers need a holiday, far away from each other!” Patrick: “Hold me now. It's hard for me to say I'm sorry.” Pearl: “I just want you to stay.” Marlene: “After all that we've been through, I will make it up to you! I promise to!”Skipper: “And after all that's been said and done, you're just the part of me I can't let go!” Reggie: “Couldn't stand to be kept away, just for the day; from your body!” Rocko: “Wouldn't want to be swept away, far away; from the one that I love!” Otto: “Hold me now. It's hard for me to say I'm sorry! I just want you to know! Hold me now! I really want to tell you I'm sorry! I could never let you go! After all that we've been through, I will make it up to you! I promise to!” Suzie: “And after all that's been said and done, you're just the part of me I can't let go!” Skipper: “After all that we've been through, I will make it up to you! I promise to! You're gonna be the lucky one!” (Short instrumental break, changes into Jazz Fusion as they get closer to the 103rd floor!) Rocko: “When we get there, gonna jump in the air!” Reggie: “No onewill see us 'cause there's nobody there!”

Patrick: “After all, you know we really don't care!” Pearl: “Hold on, I'm gonna take you there!” (Instruments play until the Express Elevator, Pearl and Patrick, and finally, Otto and Suzie all reach the top floor!) Sniz is there, and he claps his hands enthusiastically! Sniz says: “Riveting performance, as usual! It's time for your final part of the challenge! You remember what it IS; don't you?!” Otto pants in exhaustion, and he sarcastically says: “How could WE possibly forget?! Circumnavigating ALL 4,477,800 FEET of Willis Tower, in the air, on the Skywalk, which we're not allowed to fall OFF of, even though there's only FOUR whole feet to WORK with?!” (Confessional) Otto says: “I hate this stupid challenge! Hate, hate, hate, HATE IT!!!! Whoever DESIGNED this STUPID Willis Tower should DIE if they haven't already! At the very least, now I have a feeling about WHY Captain Retro doesn't want to or like to climb up STAIRS!” / Suzie says: “I don't know why Otto is so irritated! I'm the one who actually has to hold AGAINST the edge of the building, with nothing but a safety harness to keep me from falling!” (End Confessional) Sniz says: “Your safety gear is over there, may sure it's on tight and secure! We really DON'T want to get hit with a lawsuit at this point in the game! Now, is everybody ready?!” He looks over at everyone, and he says: “Wow! Even Patrick got it on right! That, is actually surprising to ME!” (Confessional) Sniz says: “You know, if Patrick actually gets INTO the Final Three now, I think it will be the most HONESTLY surprising Final Three upset I will have EVER witnessed in my time as a host!” / Patrick says: “It may not look like it, but I take safety very seriously! You would not BELIEVE how many stunt doubles my show has to go through, just to make sure that I PERSONALLY, stay safe!” (End Confessional) Marlene says: “We know what the actual contestants have to do! Do their partners have to do anything?!” Sniz says: “Just keep an eye on which direction the wind is blowing! After all, if they lose their balance and slip, they'll have to start from the last corner of the building that they passed!” Reggie says: “Rocko, you got this, right?” Rocko says: “Absolutely! I always have to know which way the wind is blowing whenever I throw a boomerang! I'll keep my eye on the wind, no problem! Even if you can't actually SEE the wind, you still know it's there!”(Confessional) Rocko says: “This will definitely be Reggie's trickiest challenge SO far! She's up against the wind, and a narrow sky walk! This is all that stands between her, and a slot for the Final Three! Go get it, Reggie!” (End Confessional)

Reggie, Skipper, Patrick, and Suzie are all decked in their safety gear, wearing helmets and goggles to protect their eyes and heads from the elements and other nasty, potential projectiles! Sniz says: “All right, everybody is set! Safety harnesses are tight! Goggles and helmets are secure! Paramedics are on stand-by! Let's make it happen, people and other various life-forms! For a slot in the Final Three! Ready, set, GO!!!!” And Reggie quickly takes off, followed shortly behind by Skipper, than Patrick, and finally Suzie! Sniz says: “They are off! It's Reggie Rocket leading by two lengths! Skipper is second by a length! Patrick third...” And his voice trails off as the contestants get too far away from him. Everyone is holding onto the edge of the building as best as they can, going as fast as they can, but taking care not to slip and fall off, lest they start a whole section over! Patrick pulls up ahead of Skipper, and Partick says: “Looks like I'm going to be the FASTEST here!” Otto hears this, and he shouts: “Do you hear THAT, Suzie?! Are you going to put up with THAT?! Speed it up! There's a FORTUNE at steak here!” Suzie groans, and says: “NO!!!! You know what?! I've HAD it with this ATTITUDE of yours! GEEZ!!!! Who do YOU think you ARE?! You live off other people, while simultaneously INSULTING them; and nobody EVER has the nerve to CALL you on it right to your face and COMPLAIN about it, because they think your some sort of delusional, action-seeking JUNKIE or something!” And Otto, for the first time in his life, is completely stunned with SILENCE! Unable to think of anything witty or clever, as a remark to that! Marlene says: “Woah! Suzie, I think you BROKE him!” Suzie says: “At this point, it would be a REMARKABLE improvement! I have got $44.44 million to win, and no one is going to get in the way of--.”

(SNAP!!!!) And just like that, Suzie's safety harness unexpectedly BREAKS, and she begins to fall DOWN 103 stories of the Willis Tower! Otto yells: “SUZIE!!!! I'm COMING!!!!” And Otto, with a SPEED he has never experienced before, begins to SLIDE down the stair bannisters like crazy, hoping against hope, to catch up and SURPASS Suzie!!!! Sniz yells: “FONDUE!!!! I told you that material for the safety harness was QUESTIONABLE!!!! This is what happens when you decide to cheap OUT and use the inexpensive stuff!” Fondue says: “OOPS!” Otto pants and says: “Please get there, please get there, PLEASE get there!!!!” And he runs all the way to the bottom floor, rushes out the front door, and he says: “Tito! Now would be a good time for some of those Hawaiian gods you keep talking about to HELP me like you SAID they can!!!!” And, miraculously, by some MIRACLE, Suzie Carmichael DOES fall, right on TOP of Otto, but the inertia crushes HIM instead of her, BREAKING every bone in his body, but leaving Suzie relatively unscathed! Suzie cries: “OH!!!! Otto Rocket! You CARE!!!! You really DO care! I can't believe I was so AWFUL to you!!!!” (Confessional) Suzie cries, and she says: “You know, you never really know how much someone MEANS to you, until you plummet 103 stories off a building, and you fall onto someone, and they end up getting crushed, even after you've horribly berated them! Otto's crazy behavior actually saved me! You know, if anything about this season would've turned out the way either of us had REALLY wanted it to turn out, Otto would still be in this instead of me! And I think the reason he's been acting so crazy, is because he secretly resents me for stealing the spot-light away from him!” Suzie sighs, and she says: “It's a tough choice, the toughest choice I've ever had to make in my life, but, I've got to make things RIGHT to him!” (End Confessional) Sniz shouts: “We're very sorry about the accident, Suzie! We'll use better harnesses, and we can all try again!” Suzie shouts back: “Thanks for the offer, but I'm afraid that it looks like that I can't compete in this competition anymore!” Sniz loudly asks: “What do you mean?!” Suzie sighs, and says: “I already have an innocent person, who needs my 24 hour protection and care, in order for him to get better again. I'm dropping out of the competition. Otto no longer needs to be jealous of me.” (Confessional) Otto is completely bandaged, except for his face. Otto says: “Wow! Suzie just completely sacrificed her own game for ME!!!! Nobody has ever done something like that for ME before! Most other contestants, myself included, would've gone for the WIN!!!! I'm truly, and utterly amazed! I hope that someday, I can return the favor to her!” (End Confessional)

Sniz says: “Very well. Stay right there! We're coming down!” (Confessional) Sniz says: “Not the way I would've handled a Final Four Elimination, but as long as we have an exciting episode full of twists and turns, that's what REALLY makes the executives at Nickelodeon happy!” (End Confessional) The contestants are sitting around a swimming pool at a hotel, for the final Elimination Ceremony of the season! Patrick says: “Wait a minute! This swimming pool location looks VERY similar to the one we saw in Lone Pine, California! Are we LITERALLY re-using the exact SAME background location from THAT episode?!” Sniz says: “I hope you don't expect me to dignify that with a response! In any case, we are down to the last Elimination Ceremony, that we will have this season. You have all fought long and hard, but one of you will be leaving today. Surprisingly, someone else has already made the choice for you! Reggie, Skipper, and surprisingly Patrick, you all gets bags of popcorn, to symbolize your safety this evening! Suzie Carmichael has decided to drop out, in order to take care of Otto until he gets better. But don't worry, Suzie. For getting all the way to 4th place, you won't be going away empty-handed! You will be winning $41 million, for all your trouble!” Sniz hands Suzie a briefcase full of money, and she passes it to Otto. Suzie says: “Use half of this money for your medical bills. It's the least I can do to thank you for saving me.” Otto wearily says: “Thank you, Suzie. You're truly the best!” Sniz says: “Suzie, the swimming pool drop of shame awaits! Care to go out like the diva you are?!” Suzie says: “Always!” Suzie strips down to her bathing suit, does a triple-backflip off the diving board, and into the swimming pool!

Sniz says: “And just like that, Suzie is out of the competition!” Suzie surfaces, and she says: “I'm still technically HERE, you know!” Sniz says: “Yes, but you ARE technically out of the game! I don't think we could have EVER expected a Final Three like this! Heading into the Final stretch, it's Reggie Rocket, Skipper the Penguin, and Patrick Star! These three teen, TOON, titans, have managed to smash their way past 55 other contestants this season! Now, only one final challenge remains; themselves, and the very road that leads them, to the FINAL challenge this season! Where will they go to?! And what challenge awaits them, once they get there?! The Finale of this season will begin, in the next to last episode, of Total Cartoon Global Cruise!” /

Epilogue: Suzie is tending to Otto Rocket, in a hospital room at U.C.L.A., in California. Otto is contemplating all the things that happened to them this season via flash-back, while he sings a version of a song originally made famous by Chicago! / Genre: Soft Rock. Sub-genre: Chicago (the band). Song: “Will You Still Love Me?” / Sung by: Otto Rocket! / Otto: “Take me as I am. Put your hand in mine, now and forever! Darling here I stand, stand before you now! Deep inside I always knew! It was you, you and me! Two hearts drawn together bound by destiny! It was you, and you for me! Every road leads to your door! Every step I take forever more! Just say you'll love me for the rest of your life! I gotta lot of love and I don't want to let go! Will you still love me for the rest of my life? 'Cause I can't go on. No, I can't go on. I can't go on if I'm on my own! Take me as I am. Put your heart in mine, stay with me forever! 'Cause I am just a man who never understood; I never had a thing to prove! Till there was you! You and me! Then it all came clear so suddenly, how close to you that I wanna be! Just say you'll love me for the rest of your life! I gotta lot of love and I don't want to let go! Will you still love me for the rest of my life? 'Cause I can't go on. No, I can't go on! I can't go on, if I'm on my own! Do you believe a love could run so strong?! Do you believe a love could pass you by?! There was no special one for me! I was the lonely one, you see! But then my heart lost all control! Now you're all that I know! (Instrumental break!) Just say you'll love me for the rest of your life! I gotta lot of love and I don't want to let go! Will you still love me for the rest of my life? Because I can't go on (Can't go on)! No, I can't go on! Because I can't go on! (Will you still love me?) No, I can't go on! (Just say you love me). I can't go on without somebody I can count on! Because I can't go on! (Will you still love me?) No, I can't go on! (Just say you love me). Stay around, and never be alone. Because I can't go on! No I can't on! I can't go on, if I'm on my own.” (Instrumental finish) /

Episode Notes: Bubble Bass makes his second cameo appearance in his second episode in a row for this season. Suzie Carmichael unexpectedly drops out of the competition in this episode, due to her accidentally breaking Otto Rocket's body, after falling off of the Willis Tower. Thankfully, she receives $41 million for all her trouble. Featured songs in this episode, “If You Leave Me Now; Love Me Tomorrow; You're the Inspiration; Hard for Me to Say I'm Sorry/Get Away”; and “Will You Still Love Me?”; all songs originally performed by Chicago, ironically in the CITY of Chicago! Reggie Rocket, Skipper the Penguin, and Patrick Star, have now become the Final Three! /

Personal Notes: This was the second episode in a row where I had to really do my research, and have shown my work. Initially, I was unsure about how I could convincingly eliminate Suzie Carmichael, despite her being such a relatively competent competitor! Than the answer came to me; have something happen to her that was completely BEYOND almost anybody's ability to control! The reason why I have had Suzie and Otto snipe back and forth at each other, was to show the fact that not all couples who get together, end up being completely 100% agreeable with each other and NEVER fight! But just because couples fight, that doesn't necessarily mean that they DON'T love each other. In rare cases, sometimes HAVING the disagreements is what ends up making the relationship STRONGER! And that's what I wanted to have happen between Otto Rocket and Suzie Carmichael! Suzie might be out of the competition, but her love bond between Otto Rocket has just gotten that much stronger! Only two challenges remain! It is ANYONE'S guess, as to who will wind up winning the Grand Prize, in the season finale of “Total Cartoon Global Cruise!” / That's it for my episode idea THIS time!  Enough said! 

[Rebel the Wolfgirl]

CEREBUS THE AARDVARK IN…

 

“TOWER OF THE NECROMANCERS!”

 

"Know, O princes of the earth, that in the thousands of years before the earth froze over with great sheets of ice and humanity spread across the four corners, there lay an Age undreamed of; wherein great kingdoms and empires were spread across the known lands of Estarcion, and great journeys were undertaken for glory and fortune. From this brutal age of savagery, hither came Cerebus, mightiest warrior in the land. Though uncouth and uncivilized, the earth-pig born, with his sword raised high and swearing in the name of the god Tarim, carved out a legacy of riches and fame, told in only the most-well remembered of legends. It is he for whom this age was named, and it is his tales that shall be recounted in this tome."

 

-Anonymous, 'Codex of the Aardvarkian Age'

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------

 

The first rays of the rising sun broke over the city of Ulfham as the morning bells awoke the populace. As the men and women of the city awoke from slumber and went about their waking ritual routines, the usual quiet stirrings were broken by the sounds of what sounded like horses’ hooves clattering against the cobblestone streets. This was not unusual in Ulfham, or any city in the kingdoms of Estarcion for that matter...that was, however, except for the rather unusual rider of said steed. It appeared to be a small creature, of about three feet and with grey fur, clad in various medallions, a sword that seemed to be too large for something of its size, and a horned helmet not too dissimilar of the Asgardian tribes to the far north. He was an aardvark, and while they were not uncommon in these lands, it was certainly unusual to see one riding a horse, much less dressed in typical barbarian garb. With a gruff “Whoa!”, the earth-pig stopped his horse in front of one of the city’s many taverns, The Bleeding Boar, got down, and dramatically kicked down the door.

 

This certainly surprised the early-morning drunkards who had permanent room and board within the establishment; they had just risen out of bed and entered the bar proper for their morning meal: alcohol, and usually whatever food the barmaid, a halfling woman named Baxterras, could prepare in a hurry. Cerebus sat at the bar, and grunted a simple, “Mead.” His voice was gruff, with an uncanny resemblance to George C. Scott. Not that anyone on Estarcion, not even Cerebus himself, would know who that was. Baxterras, a redhead dressed in a lowcut tunic that appeared to show off her ample cleavage, retrieved the drink, slamming down the wooden mug in front of a bored-looking Cerebus. He took it, and made soft, pig-like grunts as he drank down the sweet-tasting alcohol. Tossing the mug onto the floor where it shattered into pieces, Cerebus grunted a single word: “More.” Baxterras obeyed, getting him a refill. He downed it, and demanded another. And another, and another. This certainly surprised the other patrons, who marveled at the aardvark’s tolerance; he was now drinking mead by thebucket, and showed no signs of stopping. Baxterras, exasperated, immediately silenced him.

 

“I think you’ve had enough, stranger.” she stated calmly, though her voice gave off an air of irritance.

 

“CEREBUS WILL TELL YOU WHEN HE’S HAD ENOUGH!” the aardvark shouted, with the response from Baxterras not what he had expected. She stabbed the bar with a long silver dagger carved with the names of her ancestors in the Halfling tongue. Cerebus’ eyes widened.

 

“Do not test me, earth-pig.” she growled, her eyes practically filled with flame. “I am a former assassin for the city’s military, and I will not be trifled with. Are we understood?” Cerebus, after several moments, nodded. He knew when to bite his tongue. “Now,” she continued. “Tell me about yourself, if you’d like.”

 

“Cerebus is a mercenary.” the aardvark answered simply. “He goes where he pleases, only fueled by gold and booze.”

 

“No women?” Baxterras inquired, her tone one of mixed curiosity and seduction.

 

“Are we speaking of romance or more carnal pleasures?” Cerebus fired back, his wit matching hers. “Because those are two entirely different things when it comes to females.”

 

Baxterras pondered this for several minutes, and realized that Cerebus had a point. Sex and romance, if were one to believe the general notion, went hand in hand. But that was completely false, and the two were, for all intents and purposes, as far from one and the same as humanly possible. You could be married and not have sex; you could also not be married and having lots of sex. In fact, this latter option was what the halfling tavern owner preferred: what use would she have for tying herself down to some man she might not love in the foreseeable future rather than dedicating herself to her tavern? No use, that’s what. Though she considered herself a free, sexually-liberated woman (by her own standards, anyway), she had no problem if someone considered sex and marriage to be intertwined. “Which do you wish to discuss first? Your views on women in romance, or your views on women in sex?” she finally asked the barbarian.

 

“Cerebus is far from a romantic type.” he answered bluntly, not even having to think of a response. “As for sex, well...let’s just say that Cerebus can generally do without it, but he does not deny he has urges, and will indulge them whenever he can.” This immediately piqued Baxterras’ interest, and with a playful smirk, she leaned over the bar’s counter, looking at Cerebus much more directly. The aardvark blinked once, twice, thrice. He knew the look in her eyes anywhere. Bedroom eyes, as the informal expression went. Or to put it in a more vulgar fashion, fuck me eyes.

 

“Well, then…” Baxterras replied, pulling down her tunic so that her breasts were a bit more exposed. “How’s about you and I fuck?”

 

“...No.” Cerebus answered. “At least, not yet.” Baxterras frowned, her hazel-green eyes piercing the earth-pig like sharp daggers, an apt comparison considering what had occurred earlier. “Do not get Cerebus wrong, you are very attractive, miss…”

 

“Baxterras. Baxterras Dragmire.”

 

“Yes, miss...Baxterras. Cerebus finds you attractive, he does. But Cerebus is not here to fuck your brains out. He is here for work.” The halfling immediately softened her gaze, her lips contorting into a far more neutral expression.

 

“How’s about this, barbarian? I will tell you of our local troubles, and once your task is completed, you will give me the time of my life in the bedroom?” Baxterras offered.

 

“That is fair.” Cerebus agreed as Baxterras got him another mug of mead, this time without the aardvark barking for it has he had done when he first entered the tavern. “Thank you.”

 

“You are quite welcome.” Baxterras replied. “You’re going to need a drink for this one, as this will be a bit of a long story.”

 

Cerebus raised a brow. “A long story, hmm? Cerebus is no stranger to those.”

 

Baxterras nodded, and explained thusly.

 

--------------------------------------------------------

 

“In time immemorial, in the mountains surrounding the area that would become our fair city of Ulfham, there arose a kingdom of dwarves, one of the first recorded in Estarcion’s history. These dwarves, seeking to carve out a name for themselves, founded the fortress of Diamondbright, named for their optimism and goals to be a bright beacon of the mountains. They declared it their capital, and the most charismatic, capable, and fearless of these dwarves was made their king; he took a wife sometime later, and she became his king-consort. From Diamondbright sprung forth hillocks and mountain homes, and within several decades of rapid expansion and trade with surrounding dwarven civilizations, the dwarves had carved themselves out a decently-sized territory. However, all was not well with the king. He had become obsessed with his own mortality, the reasons for which could have been many. He and his wife might have been infertile, or mayhaps they had grown steadily more power hungry, and both of them wanted to hold onto that power for as long as possible, maybe even for eternity.

 

Whatever the reasons may have been, the king and his wife began dabbling in the vilest of the dark arts, and eventually succeeded in summoning their religion’s god of death. She imparted the secrets of life and death unto them both, and they both gave up their souls in exchange for immortality. Writing their newfound knowledge into a grimoire that some refer to as the Dwarvish Book of Death, the couple then promptly went on a killing spree, slaughtering everyone in Diamondbright only to revive them as zombies. Now with an undead army at their backs, the necromancers rejected their own names, they no longer needed them. Instead, they took the names of Urist the Death-Emperor (for the former king) and Sankis the Goddess of Destruction (for the ex-consort). Urist and Sankis promptly engaged in a war on their own kingdom, conquering their former subjects with ease and turning any survivors into slaves. Returning to their former capital with the fate of their now-enslaved kingdom in their hands, Urist and Sankis sent out an order, one that every being under their iron fists, human and undead alike, would have to follow: construct a mighty tower of obsidian, thirteen thousand feet tall, from which they would reside.

 

With the entire kingdom acting as one large factory for this seemingly-impossible project, the tower was completed within 1,050 years. In that time, both Urist and Sankis had taken on a number of apprentices, who had taken on apprentices, and so on. Taking the accumulated numbers of unholy tomes, treasure stockpiles, and undead servants, the necromancers shut themselves away in the tower, where they have remained for as long as anyone alive can remember.

 

The kingdom, with no leaders to guide them, fell into savagery, dividing themselves into tribes of barbarians. The remaining packs of zombies still roam the mountain range, feasting upon whomever they come across. The other dwarven civilizations of the area have long since fallen due to factors such as these. The Ulfham Mountains are, for lack of a better term, a physical hell. Those who have ventured there have never returned.”

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Cerebus sat silently throughout Baxterras’ story, his only action being taking large swigs of his mead. Once she had finished, he knew immediately what she wanted him to do. “So,” the aardvark finally spoke. “You want Cerebus to venture into these so-called forbidden mountains, venture into this tower, and kill the necromancers?”

 

“Yes.” Baxterras replied. “Things will not instantly be better, but you will have rid us of a blight that has plagued us for years.”

 

Cerebus immediately followed this up with, “How much will Cerebus be paid?”

 

“Sadly, I cannot say, as I will not be paying you.” Baxterras said. “That will be the mayor’s job.”

 

“...That doesn’t answer Cerebus’ question.” the aardvark snarked dryly. “How much will he be payed?”

 

“Oh, I’m sure that he’ll pay you quite a hefty sum.” Baxterras said with a grin. “Especially once I inform him of your task.”

 

Cerebus returned the grin. “See to it that Cerebus is paid well. For now, he must gather supplies for the journey ahead.” The aardvark turned to leave before Baxterras stopped him. “Hmm?”

 

He wasn’t able to finish his thought, whatever that might have been. Baxterras had pulled the aardvark into a passionate kiss, their tongues dancing in a sloppy, wet embrace. This had certainly caught Cerebus off-guard, but he did not try and resist. He rather liked the halfling woman, and he had promised to ravish her after he returned from the tower. Why not allow her this small taste of what was to come? Finally, she pulled away from him, a long trail of saliva between their mouths. “Best of luck to you, O brave Cerebus.” she said.

 

“Cerebus will need Tarim to give him luck if he is to survive this.” the aardvark said, exiting the tavern.

 

----------------------------------------------------

 

Several hours had passed since Cerebus had left the city limits of Ulfham. In the distance he could see the mountains, and very faintly, the Tower of the Necromancers. It was a tall-impossibly tall, the aardvark noted-stygian spire that seemed to go on forever, situated in the center of a heavily armored fortress, which itself was shaped in a nonagonal fashion. From looking at its design, it was easy for Cerebus to assume that Baxterras was lying when she said it only took 1,050 years for Urist and Sankis to build it. Then again, he thought, these are practioners of the dark arts. If Cerebus didn’t know any better, he’d think that they might have built a city itself inside a tower that large! Something that wasn’t that hard of a stretch now that he thought about it. Cerebus’ brain immediately thought of Baxterras’ final words to him before he had started his trek, a rather straightforward, if slightly ominous, warning:

“Whatever you do, Cerebus, do not read any of the books that the necromancers have stored within the tower. They contain the secrets of life and death, things no mortal is meant to know. If you choose to ignore my advice and give into temptation, then you will instantly become immortal upon reading them...but at a price. You will be driven mad, and overcome by your deepest, darkest traits, seeking nothing but power and the elimination of non-immortal beings.”

 

Cerebus scoffed as Baxterras’ voice continued to echo in his head. He wouldn’t ignore her, but not for the sake of not succumbing to necromancy. As much as he would have liked to be immortal, the godlike abilities to resurrect the dead and kill whomever displeased him, Cerebus was distrustful of magic to a degree. Why shouldn’t he have been? Magic was, as a rule, drawing on the eldritch forces that lurked beneath the earthly plane of existence, and therefore had an inherently dark and dangerous nature, no matter what “good” intentions and motivations one had behind using it. Magic in Estarcion was never to be trusted as far as Cerebus was concerned. This, he knew, what was partly drove him to complete his task. He wouldn’t let these necromancers live; not out of the “goodness of his heart” (Cerebus was not one who had a so-called “moral compass”; when one was a traveling mercenary barbarian, one didn’t need civilization’s stupid rules), but because these creatures were warlocks. And Tarim did not trust warlocks, as Cerebus knew very well.

 

It was only a little while later before Cerebus reached the foot of the mountain range, and as his steed slowly began clip-clopping along the pathway upwards towards the Tower, all seemed well, at least for a time. The silence was immediately broken by the sounds of movement from nearby, Cerebus drawing his sword. A figure shambled from a bend, its skin grey and lifeless. It wore rather simple chainmail armor and wielded an iron sword. The thing’s eyes were heavily sunken in, and the skin stretched over its emaciated frame. The zombie, who had once been a mighty warrior that had served Urist and Sankis in life and again in death, charged forward, striking the forelegs of Cerebus’ steed and knocking the aardvark backwards onto the ground. As the horse lay bleeding heavily onto the ground, its last breaths drawing ever closer, Cerebus blocked the zombie’s next strike before lopping off the hand that held his cadaverous opponent’s weapon. Incensed at the loss of its’ arm, the zombie warrior lurched at Cerebus, it’s other hand making a grabbing motion and its mouth open, giving clear indication of what it was intending. Immediately, Cerebus leaped at the corpse before severing the remaining arm and slashing at the neck, the zombie’s head flying off and landing on the ground. His opponent defeated, Cerebus turned to look at the horse, a lake of scarlet liquid spreading onto the ground. It would be no use in trying to heal its wounds; from the heavy amount of blood it had lost, several veins and very likely arteries had been sliced open. “Such a pity.” the aardvark muttered disappointed. “Cerebus will simply have to walk back to Ulfham. The undead will have devoured the beast of burden by then.”

 

He had not walked more than several miles when yet another figure, or rather five, had appeared. Unlike the zombie from before, these creatures were of living flesh, their skin a deep shade of brass from exposure to the sun. They were diminutive, around a foot taller than Cerebus, and were clothed in nothing but furs. All of them had long, luxurious beards that were the color of autumn leaves and wielded crude swords and axes. It does not take a scholar to figure out that these are dwarves, Cerebus observed. In fact, these must be the same primitive dwarves that the halfling wench was referring to!

 

“Brothers, do you see what I see?” the lead dwarf asked in a broken Dwarven dialect that Cerebus did not recognize.

 

“An earth-pig dressed as the Ancient Ones were?” the second dwarf replied.

 

“Exactly!” the third one piped up.

 

“Hmmm…what shall we do with it?” the fourth and fifth dwarves pondered. For a time, the dwarves stood there and pondered. Cerebus stared at them flatly, truly wondering if these dwarves were the “feared tribals” Baxterras had described them as. It did not matter. He had to strike now when they weren’t suspecting it. With a loud cry of “TARIM!”, Cerebus drove his sword into the leader’s back, the blade sticking out of the dwarf’s stomach, its silver coloration caked in blood. With a grunt, Cerebus pulled his blade from the corpse, and charged at the rest of the dwarves, who were caught off-guard from what had just occurred. His blade clashing with those of his primitive foes, Cerebus was able to break their weapons with ease. Now only armed with their bare fists, the dwarves still found themselves outmatched, the aardvark chopping off their limbs. Now bleeding just as Cerebus’ horse did, the dwarves were not giving up just yet, intending to bite Cerebus. Unfortunately, they did not get the chance to; the barbarian had beheaded them, each in quick succession. Cerebus trudged on, his goal to the Tower stronger than ever.

 

Several hours (and many hordes of zombies and barbarian dwarves) later, Cerebus stood at the entrance to the tower. From his perspective, it was even more gargantuan than from afar, it’s godlike heights far more apparent up-close. The notagonal fortress that acted as its’ base was plated with silver and black, the square doors bearing an inscription:

 

“I am the way into the city of woe.

 

I am the way to a forsaken people.

 

I am the way into eternal sorrow.

 

Sacred Justice moved my architect.

 

I was raised here by divine omnipotence,

 

Primordial love and ultimate intellect.

 

Only those elements Time cannot wear

 

Were made before me, and beyond Time I stand.

 

Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.”

 

Cerebus, far from an intellectual sort, did not understand what this poem, if one could call it that, meant. Well, except for that last line. It was, through decades, if not centuries of permutation, transformed into a generic warning for whomever read it to turn back now and never return.

 

Then again, none in Estarcion knew who Dante Alighieri was, nor why that warning was created in the first place. Especially not Cerebus. Anyways, where was I?

 

Ah, yes, the tower. It appeared to be unguarded, so Cerebus would have an easy time getting in...if not for his height and the massive scale of the doors, which were beyond too large for them to easily be pushed. Furthermore, the sheer size of the tower couldn’t provide the alternative of getting in through one of the windows. “So,” Cerebus muttered irritably. “How in the ever-loving fuck is Cerebus going to get in?” With no other choice, the little aardvark sat in front of the tower’s doors, and thought.

 

And thought.

 

And thought.

 

And thought.

 

Enough time had passed so that day had transitioned into night, and Cerebus had made a small fire by then. Roasting small rodents over it, the earth-pig did not notice that a small pack of zombies was drawing near, the glow of the fire having attracted them. Their growing shadows making their presence known to him, Cerebus immediately sprang forward, his sword drawn. As he was about to start cutting down the cadavers, the wheels in his brain began to turn once more, and he came up with an idea, one that would solve the problem of getting into the tower and killing the zombies. Pressing himself against the doors, Cerebus waited for the zombies come towards him. As they did, the corpses shambled straight into the fire, setting themselves alight; which was exactly what Cerebus was counting on. As they continued making their way towards their “prey”, Cerebus jumped out of their path, causing the zombies to slam themselves onto the doors, setting them on fire. The aardvark watched all of this play out before him, the smoldering corpses eventually burning to a crisp. Better yet, the doorway was now open, allowing him entry.

 

The hallway that led into the rest of the tower was bare, the only lights being those of the torches on the walls. Carvings of the tower’s long and storied history adorned them, gruesome caricatures of zombies and dwarven slaves carrying bricks of obsidian, which Cerebus noted was eerily similar to the Semites who were bound to their masters in Stygia, they who worshiped The God of Many Names; Elohim, El Shaddai, YHWH...the GREAT I AM. Cerebus’ stream-of-consciousness ponderings on the names of a God who was intangible, omnipotent, and all-seeing (as all gods were; Cerebus’ own deity of worship, Tarim, was one such example) was interrupted by a spider, about the size of a grizzly bear, dropping from the ceiling. It was covered in brown fur, its eight black orbs staring hungrily at the aardvark, the mandibles snapping open and shut once, twice, thrice.

 

Drawing his sword, Cerebus leapt at the spider, who responded to the aardvark’s attempts to attack by shooting a stream of silken webbing at him. Fortunately for Cerebus, the webs barely missed him, and he landed on the arachnid’s back, his blade raised. With a loud swish, the sword cleaved the spider’s head in two, pools of blood and brain matter spilling onto the floor. The spider fell, its body causing the ground to vibrate slightly from how large it was. And if that wasn’t enough, Cerebus began chopping off the creature’s legs despite it already being slain. The aardvark surmised since that he was in a necromancer’s tower, anything that could be killed could easily be revived. It was better safe than sorry than to make sure the dead creatures stayed dead. After chopping off its legs, Cerebus began cleaving at the spider’s body until it was naught more than a mass of fur-covered flesh, blood, and organs. Himself and his sword covered in spider blood, Cerebus continued to walk until he came to the foot of an incredibly long and winding staircase. It seemed that it went all the way to the top, interconnected with the rest of the tower by an untold number of bridges apparently made of the same stone as the stairs. Realizing that he was in for a very long (and given his size, likely painful and exhausting) trek, Cerebus heaved his sword onto his back once more and began walking.

 

After what seemed like days (and, in fairness, it probably had been days since Cerebus entered the tower), the aardvark eventually arrived at one of the bridges and tiredly began to cross it. Standing at the entraceway to an unknown room, Cerebus drew his sword as though he were about to fight someone or something. Before he could proclaim his challenge, the aardvark’s body gave in and he collapsed onto the floor from exhaustion. The sword flung out of his hand, loudly clattering as it did so. From out of the doorway, a feminine shadow creeped over the aardvark’s prone form and dragged him inside.

 

Cerebus woke up sometime later to find several things. Namely, that he was lying on a soft bed, his sword, helmet, and medallions were gone, and that a mysterious young woman was cleaning the spider blood from his fur with warm water, giving off a terrible stench that caused the aardvark to nearly vomit. The woman in question appeared to be in her late teens, with incredibly pale skin and icy blue eyes. Her hair was long and the color of the darkest midnight, with red tips at the ends of each lock. She was dressed in a low- cut revealing black cloak, her massive breasts seemingly able to not burst out from the seams. Though Cerebus could not see it, she wore fishnet stockings and high-heeled shoes underneath the cloak. The woman gave a small smile, her teeth seemingly perfect and white as pearls. However, Cerebus noticed something unusual: fangs. The aardvark immediately realized that this woman was not only a witch, but avampiric witch. “Ah, I see you’re awake.” she said. “Are you feeling better?”

 

“Do not try and dissuade Cerebus, witch.” the aardvark growled, slapping the cloth the woman was using to clean his fur out of her hand, much to her annoyance. “He knows exactly what you are trying to do.”

 

“Let me guess, you think that I am either trying to seduce you, hoping to turn you into a vampire, attempting to kill you and transform you into an undead servant, or some combination of all three.” she said dryly.

 

“How did you guess?” Cerebus asked in an equally dry tone.

 

“Friend, I am 1,700 years old. I have seen many things, and I know exactly what you are. I used to be an adventurer myself.” the woman said. “Let me guess: you’ve come here in attempt to slay each and every necromancer in this tower?”

 

“Exactly.” replied Cerebus. “It seems you have experienced this before.”

 

“Not experienced myself, but I have seen it time and time again.” the woman explained. “Those who come here tend to get themselves killed or fall victim to the promise of immortality that necromancy entails.”

 

“Were you one of those sorts?” Cerebus asked.

 

“No, and I don’t wish I was. I came to this place many centuries ago because I felt I was an outcast. You see, aardvark, I was transformed into a vampire when I was only 17 in mortal years. As such, I was nearly killed many a time by opportunistic hunters, so I was forced to travel across Estarcion. Not only that, but I was born a witch.”

 

Cerebus let this information sink into his head, his mood turning from one of murderous rage to horror and sympathy. He knew what was like to be an outcast, being the sole aardvark in a world of humans. It was no wonder to him, then, that this woman would come here to the Tower of Necromancers, especially if she sought to hone the magic she was born with. “Power has a price, you know. Magic is inherently dangerous for that very reason. So, then, what was your penance for learning necromancy?”

 

“Complete immortality.” she answered. “I cannot die. I am unable to die. Believe me, aardvark. I have tried every method you could name, and I come out no worse for wear. The fairy-stories you have been told in your youth are lies. There is no ‘fun’ nor benefits to immortality. I have outlived everyone I care about...these damned necromancers are both my blessings and my curses...though I brought this on myself, I will admit, it is their fault I am like this nonetheless. Leave now, aardvark. Leave and never come back.” These last few sentences were punctuated by her voice breaking and tears beginning to stream down her face. Cerebus watched as she cried softly, at a loss for words. This was no longer about the money to him, he decided. This was about helping this woman escape the life, or un-life in her case, she felt she was bound to. Getting up from the bed in spite of his aching body and terrible smell, Cerebus walked over to her and pulled the vampiress into a tight embrace. This certainly caught her off-guard, but she hugged him back nonetheless.

 

After what seemed like forever, Cerebus let go of the girl, a small smile crossing his face. “What is your name?” he asked.

 

“Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way.” she responded, her voice a low whisper. Cerebus looked at her quizzically, as if he had just heard the stupidest name ever.

 

“Is...is that your real name?” the aardvark asked.

 

“No.” she answered. “It is not.”

 

“Then what is it?” Cerebus asked again.

 

“I don’t know.” Ebony replied after some thought. “I’ve been alive for so long, I can’t remember the name I was born with.”

 

“No matter, then.” Cerebus said. “Cerebus, he of Sand Hills Creek and an earth-pig born, shall vanquish every single one of these sorcerers in your name.” Now, it was Ebony’s turn to look at him funny.

 

“You’re joking.” she stated bluntly. “Did you not hear what I was saying before? About how every adventurer before you as died or succumbed to temptation?”

 

“Cerebus does not care. He will either kill every single one of these bastards for your honor, or he will die trying.” the aardvark declared. Ebony let out a sigh, realizing that no matter what, she couldn’t get through to him.

 

“All right then...though I cannot convince you to back down, Cerebus, I only ask that I be allowed to help you. You cannot take all these necromancers on yourself, and I have wanted to enact revenge on them for years.”

 

“That is only fair, Cerebus supposes.” the aardvark replied. “When will his body stop aching?”

 

“At this rate, a few days.” Ebony replied. “Now lay back down, Cerebus.”

 

Several more days passed, and it was not long before Cerebus and Ebony not only got to know each other on a more personal level, but on an intimate level as well. When they had first made love, Ebony had learned firsthand that the saying “big things come in small packages” applied incredibly well to Cerebus, his eight-inch girth extraordinarily impressive for such a creature of his size. He had pleasured her in ways that Ebony had not experienced in quite a while, and he had learned something about her as well: that she was what others called a ‘screamer’. This pleased the aardvark greatly to know that he not only had someone to call a friend, but an amazing partner in the bedroom as well. It was during the afterglow of one of their lovemaking sessions, Cerebus lying in the bed and Ebony kissing his neck, snuggled underneath the sheets with her arms wrapped around his waist, that Cerebus made a very interesting inquiry.

 

“What is our game plan, Ebony?”

 

“Hmm?” the witch replied, stopping her gentle kisses for just a moment to look at her small furry grey lover with a look of confusion.

 

“Cerebus said, ‘What is our game plan?’” the aardvark repeated, his irritation at not being listened to the first time evident.

 

“For…?”

 

“You know exactly what for. Don’t play stupid. Cerebus has no sympathy for those who play stupid.”

 

Ebony realized that he had a point. They had no sort of plan to speak of when it came to killing the many, many necromancers that inhabited the tower, especially not Urist and Sankis. She thanked the gods that the inhabitants had given up on socializing with one another long ago; otherwise she would have been exiled from the tower and Cerebus would have likely been (un)dead by now. This thought also gave her another idea. Since the necromancers never ventured outside their quarters, too consumed with pushing the boundaries of life and death, this made it far easier for them to be killed without them noticing. She brought this point up to Cerebus, who nodded with a grin.

 

“And the tomes? What of the accursed tomes?”

 

“We burn them.”

 

Cerebus’ grin only grew wider at hearing that. “Good. We’ll map out the tower’s layout, and when that is done, we begin the elimination of these dark blights from the face of Estarcion.”

 

“But for now,” Ebony purred. “We make love.”

 

And make love they did.

 

-----------------------------------------------------

 

Several more days had passed, and Ebony had crafted an intricately-detailed map of the tower, listing the location of each and every room in it, the locations of the various tomes, and more importantly, the throne rooms of Urist and Sankis. “By Clovis’ beard…” Cerebus muttered, astonished at the tower’s sheer size. “Cerebus’ predictions were correct. An entire city could easily fit into this tower!”

 

“Several cities, actually.” Ebony replied. “This tower has quite a lot of space.”

 

“By Clovis’ sweaty, wart-covered, hairy ballsack…” the aardvark muttered, his eyes now the size of dinner plates. “How in Tarim’s name are we going to clear this tower without taking ages?”

 

Ebony rolled her eyes. “Helloooo? Vampire? Power of flight?”

 

Cerebus’ look instantly went from one of surprise at the tower’s size, to flat unamusement at Ebony’s sarcasm. “Cerebus isn’t stupid, you know.”

 

“I know.” Ebony replied, a big shit-eating grin on her face as she reached over and playfully booped Cerebus’ snout. “Boop!”

 

The aardvark narrowed his eyes, drawing his sword slowly. “Not funny. Now, shall we slaughter every one of these undead fucks? ...Present company excluded, of course.”

 

Ebony snorted at his comment. “Of course. Hop on.” She turned his back to him, playfully wiggling her butt in a mock-saddle gesture. Cerebus hopped onto her back, his small legs wrapped around her waist and his hands gripping her breasts. Ebony took notice of this, and let out a soft moan. Cerebus rolled his own eyes now, and muttered, “Just fly, woman.”

 

“What’s the magic woooord?” Ebony replied.

 

“Please.”

 

“Good boy.” Ebony said before flying off. Drawing his sword, Cerebus let out a mighty battle cry of ‘TARIM!’, and before long, they were slaughtering the hordes of zombies that roamed the tower, the aardvark’s blade slicing through mountains of grey, decayed flesh. Using the map Ebony had sketched out, the two were able to find the various necromancers and eliminate them with relative ease. Even more days seemed to pass just like hours, and eventually almost every single necromancer aside from three were dead. Those three were Ebony (the obvious exception), Urist, and Sankis. Cerebus and his female companion were ready. Flying to the topmost level of the tower, the aardvark was greeted by a horrifying sight.

 

The top level of the tower, which served as the throne room for the former dwarven king and his wife, was a foul, decrepit place; it was dismal, lit only by a few candles. Urist’s and Sankis’ thrones were made of a glowing blue metal, one that Cerebus had only heard of in legends: adamantine. It was rumored that the metal, an extremely rare occurrence, was located deep beneath the earth and acted as a boundary between the earth and the infernal pits of hell. If one were foolish or ambitious enough to dig for it, they would risk opening an entrance to the underworld and by extension, being devoured alive by hordes of invading demons. It was an accomplishment then, the aardvark noted, that the metal itself stayed legendary. Otherwise, hell would have invaded Estarcion long ago. In any case, what unsettled Cerebus the most was what was sitting on the thrones: Urist and Sankis themselves, but not quite. They were reduced to living skeletons, dressed in flowing yet tattered and filthy robes. In front of them were a pair of silver cauldrons, engraved with the language of the gods and filled with strange green bubbling liquids. If Cerebus looked closely, he could see the twisted, screaming faces of whatever spirits the two liches were trying to summon. For that was what they were. This was their price for dabbling in such forbidden arts: stripped of flesh and blood and transformed into animate bone, the image of the god they made the deal with in the first place. Both Cerebus and Ebony jumped back in fright as the two creatures stared at the duo, the eyeholes piercing them with a sort of terrible, endless black void. “Ah, greetings.” Urist greeted, his voice cold, hollow, and with a false reassuring tone. “You must be another one of those adventurers.”

 

“Yes.” Cerebus said dryly. “I have been sent by the people of Ulfham to vanquish this tower of your vile magics.”

 

“Oh, you wouldn’t be the first.” Sankis said dismissively, as if she and her husband had heard this before. Which they had. “It’s a wonder you’ve managed to make it this far. Very few do.”

 

“Oh, Cerebus bets he is.” the aardvark muttered sarcastically. “Judging by the abundance of bones you two have lying around.”

 

“Oh, yes, those.” Urist muttered. “I knew we should’ve cleaned this place up sooner or later.”

 

“Husband!” scolded Sankis. “You are getting distracted! This aardvark and this traitor,” she then pointed a finger bone at Ebony. “Are trying to kill us.”

 

Ebony glared at her in response. “Me? A traitor? You’re shitting me, right? It’s because of you I can’t die. It’s because of you that I’m immortal. IT’S BECAUSE OF YOU THAT I’M CURSED!”

 

Sankis stared at Ebony, rather confused. “Cursed? Why, child, you should be thrilled that you are completely immune to death of any form! All of us have been blessed with gifts from the gods!”

 

“Everyone is dead.” Ebony replied flatly.

 

“Hmmm?” Sankis replied.

 

“Everyone. Is. Dead.” Ebony repeated slowly. “All the other necromancers aside from me and you two are dead. ...Well, you two are about to be added to that list. Any last words?”

 

Most necromancers, at this point, would have been filled with rage, hatred. All their hard work destroyed by the hands of a small bipedal grey aardvark and a traitorous vampire. Urist and Sankis, however, were not most necromancers. They had long since been disconnected from human emotions, perhaps they had been even before they had become necromancers, so the reaction was a resounding ‘eh’ from the both of them. “Oh well.” Urist said. “I was honestly hoping to stall off killing you with our conversation, aardvark, but I have no choice but to fight you.”

 

Cerebus immediately did a double take. “Wait...let Cerebus get this straight: you were trying to stall him?”

 

“Of course.” Urist said. “My wife and I used to be the typical ‘eeeeevil’ necromancers, but after a few hundred years, that act tends to become very stale. So, we decided to take a more, shall we say, relaxed approach to life.”

 

“Yes,” Sankis said as she casually began to create several skeleton warriors. “Believe us, killing you would be beyond too easy. Where is the fun in that? In all honesty, having a chat with you would have been pleasant; we haven’t had company in so long. Well...living company, anyway.”

 

“It’s not too late, aardvark.” Urist offered a cup of tea to Cerebus. “Let’s sit, drink some tea, have a chat.” Cerebus promptly threw his sword at said cup, shattering it and spilling tea onto the floor. “...I liked that cup, aardvark. I really did.” the skeletal dwarf muttered, beginning to conjure up bone warriors just as his wife was. Poised for battle, the skeleton warriors stood in front of Urist and Sankis, and awaited orders. “ATTACK!” the dwarven king ordered, and the skeletons charged forward. Cerebus, without a sword, could only dodge the attacks coming towards him, while Ebony fired at the skeleton warriors, causing them to fall apart. Unfortunately, they kept on reassembling themselves.

 

“By Clovis’ untrimmed ass hairs!” Cerebus muttered. “How do they keep reassembling themselves?”

 

As Ebony kept fighting off the skeletons, she immediately got an idea. “QUICK, CEREBUS, THE SLABS!”

 

“The what?!” Cerebus shouted over the commotion as he surged through the undead army in order to retrieve his sword.

 

“THE SLABS!” Ebony repeated. “Those are the sources of Urist and Sankis’ powers! If you can destroy them, then they’ll die!”

 

Cerebus managed to find his sword, though he came snout to foot with Urist, who grinned madly. “Hello, little aardvark. Goodbye.” the necromancer said, raising his arms as he began to fire two large blasts of green flame. Without hesitating, Cerebus grabbed his sword and held it up to shield himself. The flames bounced off the blade, rebounding at Urist and covering his skull-face in ash. Sankis, in a rage, came roaring at the aardvark, but Cerebus struck her with the sword, knocking her back. He began scouring the bookshelves, dodging blasts from the two necromancers all the while. Eventually, he came across two slabs made of a smooth, unearthly rock, and carved with the language of the gods. He could hear faint voices tempting him to read them, to gain the secrets of life and death. ...But Cerebus refused. Muttering prayers to Tarim, he thrust his sword into the slabs, shattering them and causing Urist and Sankis to explode in a shiny blue light. Cerebus could faintly hear them whisper, ‘Thank you. You have freed us from our curses.’

 

When all was said and done, Ebony and Cerebus walked out of the throne room, which was now covered in dust piles that were once skeletons. Hopping onto Ebony’s back once more, Cerebus went through each of the tower’s rooms one final time to burn all the books within, so that no one could fall prey to their secrets. By the time Cerebus and Ebony exited the tower, the sun was already setting. Ebony was glad for this, despite the fact that sunlight couldn’t kill her anyway. Cerebus looked at her with a sigh. “What’s the matter?” Ebony asked, concerned about her friend and lover.

 

“Though we have killed all the necromancers in this tower, and destroyed their books of life and death, Cerebus knows that sooner or later, more adventurers will venture inside despite nothing of value being within.”

 

Ebony thought about this for several minutes, and she realized Cerebus had a point. Though there was nothing in the Tower of the Necromancers now, its legends and reputation would still persist for a good while. That would mean, then, adventurers would still venture there only to be sorely disappointed. “What should we do about it, then?”

 

Cerebus then noticed the warning sign on the tower’s door as he got an idea. “We create a new warning. Something that is straightforward and to the point.”

 

They did, and this is what it read:

 

“This place is a message... and part of a system of messages... pay attention to it!

 

Sending this message was important to us. We considered ourselves to be a powerful culture.

 

This place is not a place of honor... no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here... nothing valued is here.

 

What is here is dangerous and repulsive to us. This message is a warning about danger.

 

The danger is in a particular location... it increases toward a center... the center of danger is here... of a particular size and shape, and below us.

 

The danger is still present, in your time, as it was in ours.

 

The danger is to the body, and it can kill.”

 

When that was finished, Ebony kissed Cerebus again, and was about to fly off, before the aardvark stopped her. “Wait. Come with Cerebus. Be his traveling companion.”

 

“I’m sorry, Cerebus…” she replied. “But I can’t.” She noted that he was about to cry, his eyes welling with tears.

 

“Please...you can’t leave Cerebus, Ebony! YOU’VE BEEN HIS ONLY FRIEND IN YEARS!” the aardvark said, breaking down at her feet, sobbing.

 

“Cerebus, you must understand something: I am not welcome in human society, moreso than you are. If I came with you, I would be hunted constantly. Not to mention you yourself would be targeted by the hunters. They take ‘guilt by association’ incredibly seriously.” Ebony replied simply. “So, I have to leave you, for your own safety.”

 

“But where will you go?” Cerebus asked, drying his tears. “You can’t stay anywhere for long, you know. And the hunters...they can’t kill you, as you said yourself.”

 

“You’re right on both accounts.” Ebony said. “Which is why I am going to found my own society. One where everyone can be free from prejudice.”

 

“What you speak of is impossible. A pipe dream.”

 

“Nothing is impossible, Cerebus, as long as you work for it.” Ebony said, before whispering three words that sent Cerebus into shock. “I love you.” With that, she kissed his cheek and left, flying until she was naught more than a speck on the horizon. He kept staring at the sky for a while, until the sun had long since set, in the hope that Ebony would return. When that did not happen, he began his long trek back to Ulfham, where a grand feast and a lustful Baxterras were waiting for him. Cerebus noted that the food did not taste as good or the sex with Baxterras was not as pleasurable without Ebony there with him. He remedied this by getting incredibly hammered. And yet even that didn’t feel as good.

 

The next morning, as the sun rose over the horizon, Cerebus drunkenly got onto his new horse, and wandered far and away from the city-state of Ulfham, onwards to his next adventure.

[4EverGreen]

Baby, Be Mine!

The scene opens up on BlackHawk, waking up in his bedroom, in his house. He turns on his TV, and briefly sees the News Reports, talking about all the recent riots in Coastal Falls, the mounting distrust in the President and the Federation of Core Earth itself, not to MENTION all the unexplained deaths of crooks, burglars, and other two-bit hoodlums on Core Earth! BlackHawk turns his TV off, and he turns to D.O.G., and BlackHawk says: “Wouldn't you know it? The MOMENT my mom decided to take the two of us AND our younger brother on a nice, LONG relaxing vacation away from Coastal Falls, to see the Grand Canyon, that's when EVERYTHING decides to get CRAZY around these parts!”

D.O.G., says: “I quite agree.”

BlackHawk gets out of bed, but his notable appendage, is no LONGER conveniently blocked, and it IS quite impressive! D.O.G., says: “This is NEW, of you!”

BlackHawk sighs, and says: “Sometimes, I honestly wonder why I BOTHER hiding my OBVIOUS gift from everyone! This is just a normal part of my body! This is what I am! I just don't understand why society can't see it that way!”

D.O.G., says: “Pinkie Pie told me that in Equestria, where SHE came from, ponies NEVER had to wear clothes unless they WANTED to! Why don't you do what Pinkie Pie did, and FOREGO clothing?! You don't seem to really LIKE it, anyways!”

BlackHawk says: “Honestly, I don't. I REALLY don't! But then I think about what my MOM would say, and what my younger BROTHER would think of it! I don't HAVE the luxury YOU do, of being a dog and just being ABLE to be naked without anyone questioning it! It's what...society expects of me.”

D.O.G., says: “On the bright side, this fancy house of yours didn't even get TOUCHED!!!!”

BlackHawk says: “That's because my younger brother and I had the FORESIGHT to set up a Woo Foo BARRIER around this place before we left! Not just in case some of the villains I fought in Neo Chicago ever decided to come around here, but in case something like these...RIOTS happened!”

D.O.G., sighs and says: “Saving the world isn't what you thought it was going to be like, is it?”

BlackHawk sighs, and says: “Neither was my relationship with Ebony! Apparently, it's all OVER between us! Ebony has officially left me! With TOBY of all people! I mean, does THAT name SCREAM, 'Take me, I'm YOURS?!' To a woman that has a mindset that Ebony HAS?!”

D.O.G., shrugs and says: “Maybe Ebony's tastes have matured. After all, you've always told ME, that people change ALL the time, you know!”

BlackHawk groans, and says: “I know!!!! I just can't understand why she decided to go to HIM as a REBOUND relationship! Not that I'm complaining! Ever since I found out that Ebony and Toby have started having marijuana and POT brownies together, I'm sort of GLAD we broke up with each other! I mean, the last thing I need in MY life is to be messing up MY good health with marijuana and POT brownies! Besides, my mom wouldn't like it; my younger BROTHER certainly wouldn't like it, and I know for a fact that I don't like it! That's NOT something I was raised to like! I could care LESS about what other people decide to do with THEIR health, just so long as they leave ME out of it! With all the things the Power Rangers have got to worry about now; we can't exactly afford to spend time WASTING it on smoking and eating drug-laced brownies! Or having everyone just think of ME, as being Mr. Fanservice!”

D.O.G., honestly says: “If it's any consolation to you, I've always personally thought, that you're SO much more than Mr. Fanservice!”

BlackHawk says: “Thank you for the compliment!”

D.O.G., says: “You're welcome BlackHawk. Just remember one important thing that ZORDON taught me when I was still a pup. You can't always LIVE your life, trying to please everyone else and NOT yourself! Being there for your friends and family IS important, but sometimes, you have to think about what is BEST for you! What would make YOU happy? And what would YOU feel is the right thing to do?”

BlackHawk says: “If I KNEW that, I'd PROBABLY be in a relationship with a girl right now!”

D.O.G., says: “Don't worry about it; I'm sure you'll find out what's right for you SOMEDAY! Besides, it's HARD being a teenager! With your changing body and all those hormones raging inside of you! It can be complicating for ANYBODY! Just remember, that you can tell me ANYTHING! I don't keep any secrets from you. But if you need to, I would ALWAYS keep a secret FOR you!”

BlackHawk thinks about it, and he says: “You're the BEST, D.O.G.! I can ALWAYS count on YOU to be there for me!”

D.O.G., says: “That's my purpose! Totally routine!”

BlackHawk says: “I've spent enough time in here just HANGING about! I'm going to take a shower, and see if there are any NEW girls who might have moved into this town while I was gone!”

D.O.G., says: “BlackHawk, you're going to take ME for a walk around the park, looking for any signs of trouble that you need to fight against!”

BlackHawk nods, and says: “Yeah, well, that will be FUN, to!”

And BlackHawk begins to get ready for his day, and the montage also shows Toby and Ebony in Undyne's apartment, smoking joints together, while a familiar Tom Petty tune comes on over the radio! / “Let me run with you tonight, I'll take you on a moonlight ride. There's someone that I used to see, but she don't give a damn for me. But let me get to the point, let's roll another joint! And turn the radio loud, I'm too alone to be proud! You don't know how it feels, you don't know how it feels, you don't know how it feels to be me! People come, and people go. Some grow young, and some grow cold. I woke up in between, a memory and a dream. So let's get to the point, let's roll another joint! Let's head on down the road! There's somewhere I gotta go! And you don't know how it feels, you don't know how it feels, you don't know how it feels, to be me! My old man was born to rock, he's still tryin' to beat the clock! Think of me what you will, I've got a little space to fill! So let's get to the point, let's roll another joint! And let's head on down the road! There's somewhere I got to go! And you don't know how it feels! No, you don't know how it feels! You don't know how it feels to be me!” /And the epic song ends as BlackHawk gets all dressed up and heads out the door with D.O.G., on a VERY energetic walk!

BlackHawk says: “Now remember, D.O.G., keep an eye out, and be sure to alert me the MOMENT that there is anything amiss!”

D.O.G., says: “Don't worry about it! You can count on ME to be alert for—SQUIRREL!!!! Hi, there!”

Then all of a sudden, Sans starts running through the park, putting up fliers for his latest business venture! BlackHawk says: “Sans! You're all right! I was WORRIED about you when I heard that Coastal Falls got hit by riots! I was afraid that something might have HAPPENED to you!”

Sans says: “If Mettaton and Flowey couldn't kill me, a mere RIOT isn't going to bring me down! I'm putting up posters for my newest business venture! I'm starting a baby-sitting service! And NO; that doesn't ACTUALLY involve sitting on BABIES!!!!”

BlackHawk sarcastically says: “Thank you, Captain Obvious!!!!”

Sans doesn't pick up on the sarcasm, and genuinely says: “You're welcome! You know what I've noticed about you today?! You seem...different! What's going on with you, lately?”

BlackHawk says: “Oh, I decided Ebony wasn't my type after all; or, she decided I wasn't HER type! But I decided I'm going to move on from THAT!!!!”

Sans asks: “So, what's your plan of action THIS time?!”

Before BlackHawk can answer, an armada of space ships appear as if from NOWHERE, and from a TIME portal, Gluto and a legion of CYCLOBOTS appear in the park! BlackHawk says: “That's Gluto and some Cyclobot goons! I thought they had been taken IN by the Power Rangers Time Force!”

Sans says: “He must have broken out of jail SOMEHOW, and decided to come back here to THIS time in 2178, to try to conquer the world!”

BlackHawk says: “Well, he picked the wrong date, place, and PEOPLE to mess with! Sans, you better get D.O.G., out of here, right--!”

But BlackHawk never gets to FINISH his thought, because the Delta Megazord appears OUT of the sky, and starts shooting DOWN all of the ships that GLUTO brought, and rains BOMBS down on all the Cyclobots, wiping them out! D.O.G., asks: “Who is THAT?!!!”

As if on cue, the mysterious hero JUMPS out of the Megazord, and BlackHawk IMMEDIATELY recognizes the Phantom Ranger, from the days of “Power Rangers Turbo!!!!”

BlackHawk says: “I thought that might be YOU!!!! Your reputation PRECEDES you! Your one of the few GOOD things about the whole Power Rangers Turbo team AFTER Tommy and Adam left!”

The Phantom Ranger, in a disguised voice, that is spoken in such a way that nobody around can CONFIRM who exactly IS the Phantom Ranger, begins to say: “If you are REFERRING to that whole incident with 'Justin,' I just want to state for the record, that I had NOTHING to do with HIS becoming a Ranger! Even ZORDON, can make a mistake from time to time! Nobody's PERFECT!!!!”

Gluto says: “So, YOU think you're so tough, decimating my ENTIRE legion like that?! No matter! I can easily call for MORE troops to overwhelm you EASILY!!!!”

But before Gluto can blink, the Phantom Ranger ZOOMS over to him, GRABS the remote he was reaching for, and then the Phantom Ranger BREAKS it!!!! Gluto says: “No fair!!!!”

The Phantom Ranger says: “The Power Rangers Time Force may not be ALLOWED to KILL mutants in THEIR time! I, however, am not BOUND by those rules! And I can see that there is only one WAY to deal with the likes of YOU!!!!”

Gluto desperately says: “Can't we talk about THIS?!!!”

The Phantom Ranger pulls out a HUGE space, energy rifle, and says: “FIRE!!!!”

And with only FOUR shots, the Phantom Ranger DESTROYS Gluto utterly! Sans excitedly says: “Wow!!!! He was something!!!! He was COOL!!!! He was AWESOME!!!!”

The Phantom Ranger says: “Power Down!!!!”

And before EVERYONE'S eyes, a BEAUTIFUL, female hawk with back-wings SIMILAR to BlackHawk's, appears before them!!!! With LONG, flowing red hair, orange feathers, red lips, green eyes, and wearing purple clothes that don't leave MUCH to the imagination, in regards to her body! Sans shockingly says: “He's a SHE?!!!!”

The female hawk says: “My heart the SWELLS being able to rescue YOU!!!! I'm sure you MUST be in the APPRECIATING of it!!!! Well, no need to be the SHY!!!! Tell me, who you are! What's your name?!”

BlackHawk doesn't notice that his BEAK is totally agape, and Sans has to close it SHUT for him! BlackHawk gulps, and he says: “I'm BlackHawk! BlackHawk Little!”

The female hawk says: “You are the just like me! I have FOUND the fabled hero of Planet Hawkia!!!!”

Sans asks: “Planet Hawkia?!”

The female hawk says: “That's where I and all my fellow Hawkian brethren originally HAIL from!!!! We had a great crises on our planet 150 years ago! A great famine and drought was RAVAGING all our crops and life-stock! They were worried that the planet might not recover, so a brave band of explorers banded together to seek out another suitable planet to settle on, and they must have arrived HERE, on Core Earth! After all, YOU are here!!!! You are EVIDENCE of the successful mission!!!!”

D.O.G.'s eyes seemingly BUG out, and he says: “WOAH!!!! Back up!!!! BlackHawk is actually an ALIEN from another PLANET?!!!”

BlackHawk says: “I wasn't keeping secrets! I didn't even KNOW!!!! My mom never TOLD me that we were actually an alien species!!!!”

The female hawk says: “We Hawkians are the VERY genetically diverse! Even among the close family members, we can look the very DIFFERENT from each other!!!!”

BlackHawk says: “Well, that WOULD explain WHY I have Black Feathers and Orange Hair, while both my mom AND my younger brother have red and orange hair respectfully, and both have yellow feathers!”

The female hawk gasps and says: “You must think I'm the TERRIBLY socially impolite! I got the SO carried away, that I didn't even properly introduce myself! I am called StarHawk, a hero of Planet Hawkia, and the CURRENT Phantom Ranger!!!!”

D.O.G., asks: “Current Phantom Ranger?!”

StarHawk says: “The human you call Billy, was the Phantom Ranger many years before! He was working on an experimental Phantom Ruby, that would give him access to GREAT powers, and allow him to be a Ranger again! Unfortunately, over time, the strain proved to be too much for Billy to take, and he had to have the Phantom Ruby separated from him, so it wouldn't cause him any more harm. However, as a hero of the Planet Hawkia, I am able to wield the power of the Phantom Ruby, without it having ANY detrimental effect on my health whatsoever!”

BlackHawk says: “I have something like that, to! I have an Orange Ruby! And from one Power Ranger to another, it allows me to transform into the Orange Spinosaurus Ranger!”

StarHawk says: “Do you have the friends who can transform into something dinosaur related?”

BlackHawk says: “Three months ago, they used to, but not anymore! They recently got a brand new set of powers! I haven't gotten an upgrade, and I don't know if I ever WILL get one! I also heard that Usagi is now calling herself, Sailor Moon, and she's become the new leader of our Ranger team!”

StarHawk says: “Does that make you, the upset?”

BlackHawk excitedly says: “Are you kidding ME?!!! I've never been more EXCITED!!!! All of my life, I've NEVER had the pleasure of meeting someone who was my friend, and who was STRONGER than me! All my life, I've been WANTING to have the opportunity to MEET someone who could INSPIRE me to become stronger than I already am! Now, I finally HAVE!!!!”

StarHawk asks: “Why do you say that?”

BlackHawk says: “I heard that with their new powers, the other Ranger's power potentials got raised up significantly, in order to combat this new threat that we're dealing from Queen Beryl's youma, and also those nasty, walking time-bombs, the Necrons!”

StarHawk sighs, and says: “Yes, those Necrons ARE the nasty! They are the REASON Planet Hawkia even HAD the drought and famine in the first place! They ended up waking about 150 years earlier than they SHOULD have, due to the FRACKING process that was being used on our planet at the time! It caused the great peril on my home world! It took the BETTER part of four million lives of Hawkian soldiers; but being the gifted warriors we are, we were FINALLY able to destroy every single LAST Necron on our planet, and we were able to secure peace for our home world once more!”

D.O.G., says: “That sounds fascinating!!!!”

BlackHawk blushes, and says: “Oops! Now I'm being accidentally socially impolite! StarHawk, these are my friends, Digital Organic Guide, or D.O.G., for short! He's the dog, in case you were wondering!”

StarHawk says: “The pleasure in meeting you is all mine!”

D.O.G., happily says: “Oh, I like HER!!!! She's NICE!!!!”

BlackHawk says: “And this is my friend, Sans the Skeleton. He's originally from the Underworld, but I managed to free him, Papyrus, Undyne, and Alphys from that troublesome place!”
 

StarHawk asks: “And what are YOU the good at it?!”

Sans says: “I can be good at about anything you want me to be! Just give me a day, and I'll master it! I won't tell you HOW I mastered it, but I WILL master it! Speaking of, I need to see if I have gotten any messages on my cell phone about my baby-sitting service!”

StarHawk says: “Baby-sitting service? How clever of you to KNOW!!!! Do you know the reason why I chased Gluto and his Cyclobots HERE?! It's because they STOLE a very important egg from the reformed mutant, Notacon! It's his unborn child!”

BlackHawk says: “I always had a good feeling about THAT one! So he became good after all! Very good!”

StarHawk says: “Gluto and his Cyclobots must have hidden the egg around SOMEWHERE, but I don't know where I should start looking!”

BlackHawk says: “Well, D.O.G., and I will be GLAD to help you! D.O.G., can sniff out almost ANYTHING!!”

D.O.G., happily says: “It's true! I'm a good sniffer! I can track down almost any scent!”

StarHawk sighs, and says: “I am the most ashamed to admit, the egg you are tracking does not HAVE a scent to speak of! Mutant eggs don't EMIT any scent unless they are cooked by vicious cannibal MUTANTS!!!! Not all mutants have reformed as easily as Notacon has!”

BlackHawk says: “Well, we'll just have to look by sight, and aura detection! Why don't we start off at Undyne's place?! I think that's as good of a place as any to start looking!”

D.O.G., asks: “Why would you think the egg would be hidden there?”

BlackHawk says: “Well, I WAS on vacation for about three months! It's perfectly PLAUSIBLE that Gluto and his Cyclobots might have hidden the egg THERE!!!! Besides, even if it ISN'T hidden there, it WOULD give me a good excuse to introduce Alphys and Undyne, to this pretty young GIRL!!!!”

StarHawk ecstatically says: “You think of me as the PRETTY?!”

Sans asks: “Why are you speaking so WEIRDLY like that?!”

StarHawk says: “You must pardon my English. English is not my first language. The Hawkian language is. It's a series of screeches and cries! It took an awful lot of work, but I was recently able to start making words and phrases, that didn't involve a loud hawk cry! I'm STILL trying to get the hang of, being able to put nouns, verbs, pronouns, adverbs, adjectives, and other proper words together in the right order!”

BlackHawk says: “Well, I can certainly help you out with that!”

StarHawk says: “I would be the SO happy if you could find me a place to live!”

D.O.G., asks: “Why is that?”

StarHawk says: “Zordon asked me to come here specifically! He said that with the added threat of the youma and the Necrons here on Core Earth, you could be using all the help you can possibly get, in order to combat these creeps!”

BlackHawk says: “That's true. If what Usagi said was true, and it probably IS, the youma AND the Necrons are going to be significantly more difficult to fight than the Imps or the Dusters ever were!”

StarHawk says: “You must fill me in on everything that has gone on with you!”

BlackHawk says: “And I certainly will, provided Alphys and Undyne says yes to you LIVING with them!”

D.O.G., says: “I can't imagine why they WOULDN'T! They are letting Billy and Rocky LIVE in the same apartment complex with them, and they seem to be totally getting along with each other!”

Sans weirdly asks: “They are?!!!”

BlackHawk says: “Technically, yes! I can detect POWER Auras, you know, lest you FORGET that important fact, and I sensed that Billy and Rocky moved in there sometime ago. I'm SURE they'd let you move in with them, if you don't mind TOO terribly, StarHawk!”

StarHawk says: “It is the no-big deal! I REALLY appreciate you DOING this for me!”

BlackHawk says: “No problem! Come along, now! I've got some FRIENDS to introduce you to!”

BlackHawk, StarHawk, and D.O.G., begin walking to Undyne's house, and Sans shouts: “If you SEE anybody around who could use the help of any reliable baby-sitter, be sure to let me know!”

And Sans runs away out of the park! And as soon as Sans LEAVES the park, Lettuce and Pinkie Pie ENTER the park, with Lettuce and Pinkie singing their OWN version of a “Mary Poppins” tune! /

Lettuce sings: “Ain't it a glorious day? Right as a morning in May! I feel like I could fly!”

Pinkie says: “Now Lettuce, none of your slacking about!”

Lettuce sings: “Have you ever seen the grass so green?! Or a bluer sky?! Oh, it's a jolly holiday with Pinkie! Pinkie makes your heart so light!”

Pinkie says: “You haven't changed a BIT, have you?!”

Lettuce sings: “When the day is gray and ordinary, Pinkie makes the sun shine bright! Oh, happiness is blooming all around her! The daffodils are smiling at the dove! When Pinkie holds your hand, you feel so grand! Your heart starts beating like a big brass band!”

Pinkie laughs, and says: “You ARE light-headed, aren't you?!”

Lettuce sings: “It's a jolly holiday with Pinkie! No wonder that it's Pinkie that we love!”

And the song is SO infectious, it causes OTHERS in the park to sing!

Woolbur sings: “Oh, it's a jolly holiday with Pinkie!”

Sally Anne sings: “Pinkie makes your heart so light!”

Papyrus sings: “WHEN THE DAY IS GRAY AND ORDINARY!”

Undyne sings: “Pinkie makes the sun shine bright!”

Smash Swallow sings: “Oh, happiness is blooming all around her!”

Bash Buzzard sings: “The daffodils are smiling at the dove!”

All six of them sing: “When Pinkie holds your hand, you feel so grand! Your heart starts beating like a big brass band! It's a jolly holiday with Pinkie! No wonder that it's Pinkie that we love!” /

And just like that, everyone else disperses and goes BACK to what they were doing! Lettuce says: “That was WEIRD!!!! Usually, you have to pay EXTRA to get random people to start singing in unison, on cue, AND on key!!!! Especially when Bash Buzzard is concerned!”

Pinkie says: “A lot of strange things have been happening recently! I wouldn't doubt if the Chaos Gods, especially T'zeen...the Chaos God DRAKO used to worship, might be responsible for the more, 'RANDOM' stuff that have been happening in Coastal Falls recently!”

Lettuce asks: “Why would you say THAT?!”

Pinkie says: “First of all, it's my Pinkie sense! Second of all, I've decided that I need to become a lot more genre savvy! If we're going to be dealing with things like the Chaos Gods and what-not, we need to be prepared! I'm not saying that I'm going to STOP being Pinkie, I'm just going to be a lot WISER while I'm DOING it!”

Lettuce says: “That sounds like pretty good advice! Come to think of it, ALL of us have become much more Genre Savvy ever since Queen Beryl came around! I guess we kind of had to, seeing as how Queen Beryl IS significantly more competent and capable than Emperor Diabolica was! We can't afford to take chances with her, like we did with the Taurans!”

Pinkie says: “That's certainly true!!!! SAY!!!! What is HIDING in this hollow TREE?!!!”

Lettuce asks: “Hollow tree?!”

Pinkie points to a conspicuous looking tree, and sees something in it! Pinkie says: “There's some sort of blue object in that tree, but I can't tell what it is! And I can't reach it on my own!”

Lettuce says: “Give me a BOOST, and I can get it!”

Pinkie LIFTS Lettuce up, and for a MOMENT, it looks like Lettuce is actually RIDING on Pinkie BARE BACK!!!! Lettuce asks: “Does this feel AWKWARD to you?!”

Pinkie awkwardly says: “It kind of does!!!!

Lettuce sighs, and says: “Let's get this over with quickly!!!!”

Lettuce reaches into the tree, and pulls out the object! Lettuce says: “I've got it!!!! It's an EGG!!!!”

Luna and Artemis comes running by, and they shout: “Squirrel! Squirrel! Squirrel! Squirrel!!!!”

Pinkie says: “Don't run too CLOSE to me!!!! I can't hold this pose MUCH--!!!!”

(SCHLOMP!!!!) The four of them ALL collapse in a heap together, with Lettuce's LOWER body DIRECTLY in front of Pinkie's eyes! Pinkie groans, and says: “Longer!!!! Lettuce, would you PLEASE get your CROTCH out of my FACE?!!!”

Lettuce genuinely says: “I'd LOVE to!!!! But SOMEONE has to move their KNEE, FIRST!!!!”

Artemis chuckles sheepishly, and says: “Sorry, Pinkie, and Lettuce!!!!”

They all get up and shake the dust off of them! Luna says: “I HATE squirrels!!!! Why did you make me chase SOME, anyways?!”

Artemis says: “Well, D.O.G., seems really fascinated by them! And if we show an INTEREST in something HE likes, he might be more friendly towards us!”

Pinkie asks: “Is the egg all right?”

Lettuce says: “It's fine, Pinkie! But what I don't understand, is WHY someone would go to the trouble of hiding a blue egg, in a hollow tree in the FIRST place!!!!”

And as soon as Lettuce SAYS that, the egg in his FLIPPERS begins to crack, and soon enough, a tiny, ugly-cute mutant baby breaks OUT of the egg!!!! Pinkie ecstatically says: “O.M.G!!!! The egg HATCHED!!!! It hatched!!!! I'm a MOTHER!!!! Weird!!!! I always thought becoming a mother would be a lot more...complicated process than THAT!!!!”

Artemis says: “You're not it's biological mother! Ponies don't lay eggs, or give BIRTH to things like THAT!”

Lettuce says: “As a matter of fact, I have NO idea what this THING even is!!!!”

Luna says: “Well, we certainly can't leave it out here alone, where it could starve and FREEZE to death!”

Pinkie twitches, and she says: “I've got a Pinkie KEEN idea!!!! Let's take care of the baby until we can find out who it belongs to! Besides, it would be a good chance for us to practice our parenting skills!”

Lettuce looks at her weirdly, and he says: “WAIT a MINUTE!!!! This isn't that WHOLE: 'We find an abandoned baby somewhere, so now we've got to take care of it until it's real mother or father eventually comes BACK for it' PLOT, is it?!!!”

Pinkie looks at Lettuce, and she seriously says: “It is.” Than she turns around, and she says: “Sorry, but we HAD to get around to doing it, SOONER or later!”

Artemis asks: “Who are you talking to?”

Pinkie turns back to face them, and she says: “Nobody...in particular!”

Lettuce says: “Let's go to BlackHawk's house! It would give us an excuse to catch him up on all that he's missed, and he's usually genre savvy enough anyways, to help us out with any problem!”

Luna says: “And hopefully, D.O.G., will be in a much more suitable mood today, then he was the LAST time we saw him!”

Than the four of them hear a VERY unpleasant (PLOP!!!!) Lettuce looks VERY distraught, he looks down at SOMETHING unpleasant smelling, and he says: “MAYBE you BETTER go to the STORE first and get some DIAPERS for this kid!”

Pinkie says: “SURE!!!! How many do you NEED?!” (PLOP!!!!)

Lettuce seriously says: “With the way THIS kid is going, I'd err on the side of HUNDREDS!!!!”

Not wanting to hear or SEE any more of that, Pinkie QUICKLY runs off to find the nearest store! Artemis says: “Luna, we'd better go see if we can find any doggie doo-doo bags in order to clean THAT mess up!”

Luna says: “Agreed!” /

Meanwhile, in the hidden court-room location of Queen Beryl's palace, the evil, DEMENTED Doctor Maniac, is busy putting the finishing touches on his LATEST, FIENDISH invention! Dr. Maniac, laughs...well, MANIACALLY!!!! Dr. Maniac cackles: “HA, HA, HA, HA!!!! Those Power Rangers WILL NEVER see it COMING, once I unleash MY latest invention on them!”

Queen Beryl, bored, asks: “And WHAT, pray-tell, is THAT?!!!”

Doctor Maniac says: “THE invention; that will put all of my PREVIOUS inventions to SHAME!!!!”

Bzrk says: “YEAH, IT'S A REALLY GOOD ONE, BOSS LADY!!!!”

Grzrg says: “IT INVOLVES THE YOUMA THAT GETS CREATED AROUND THIS PLACE!”

Kunzite says: “Well, don't keep us in suspense! Tell us what it IS already, before Queen Beryl loses what little PATIENCE she has in you!”

Zolsite says: “Queen Beryl isn't PAYING you to just stand AROUND, building suspense, you KNOW!”

Nephrite says: “Technically, Queen Beryl isn't PAYING him at all!”

Kunzite angrily says: “SHUT UP, YOU FOOLS!!!!”

Doctor Maniac scoffs, and says: “I'm not in this for MONEY, like I NEED it!!!! If I REALLY need something; I'd just send Bzrk and Grzrg to steal it FOR ME!!!! No. Contrary to what you three sorcerer's might think of me, I am NOT some feeble old FOOL that can be pushed around or THREATENED like some common peon! My Neo Empire Gear is capable of creating the most FOUL creatures imaginable! MORE than capable of holding their own against the Power Rangers! I am not in this to be a part of 'Taking Over the World,' or doing this as a part of 'Revenge,' or doing this just 'For the Evulz', as God of Judgment Radiguet is so fond of SAYING! No! I am merely in this FOR THE SCIENCE!!!! And it just so happens, that my goal of wanting to wipe out all organic life-form on Earth, fits right in with YOUR plan in eliminating ALL of human-kind, which I am looking FORWARD to VERY much!!!!”

Nephrite asks: “But aren't YOU a MAN, yourself?!”

But this question CLEARLY pushed Doctor Maniac's BERSERK Button, and he angrily screams: “I AM NO MAN!!!! I AM A MANIAC!!!! The very RULER of the NEO EMPIRE GEAR!!!! And UNLESS YOU WANT ME TO TURN YOU INTO 'MULAN' SZECHUAN MCNUGGET SAUCE; I SUGGEST YOU SHUT THAT BIG, FAT, MOUTH OF YOURS!!!!”

Nephrite nervously says: “Yes, sir!”

Kunzite excitedly says: “I could grow to LIKE this! He's got QUITE the EVIL ambitions!”

Queen Beryl seriously says: “You will REFRAIN from killing my servants while working with me, as long as they don't give you any REAL reason to DO so! I just recently had to kill Jaedite for his attempted insubordination against me, and I don't want to have to lose another servant so SOON!!!!”

Doctor Maniac is CLEARLY angry at being addressed that way, but deciding BETTER than to test Queen Beryl, merely calms down, and says: “Very well! As I was saying, I have modified my BIGGA Ray, so that I no longer need to take away Ahmiran's Staff in order to power it up! As an added bonus, I have scanned the D.N.A., of ALL the Youma that you four can POSSIBLY create, and stored it into this machine! Why did I do THAT, you might ASK?! It's VERY simple! Queen Beryl wants to revive Queen Metalia! And in order to do that, she needs lots of ENERGY! Energy the Youma can only provide by spreading fear and chaos throughout Core Earth! However, those Power Rangers are exceptionally BRATTY, and will inevitably come along to try to DESTROY them! And those Power Rangers are ANNOYINGLY HARD to DESTROY!!!! It took ME at least NINE tries before I was FINALLY ABLE to DESTROY the ACCURSED, original Yellow Ranger of the Power Rangers Bionic Force!”

 

Kunzite says: “We are very well aware of your antagonism AGAINST the Power Rangers Bionic Force! What is your REAL point?!”

 

Doctor Maniac says: “My REAL point is, that if the Youma get DESTROYED without being able TO give you the energy they have collected, that MEANS you would have CREATED that Youma for NOTHING!!!! BUT; my Bigga Ray has a NEW advantage! In addition to being able to make the Youma BIGGER, they can also LINK up with the Youma's energy, through SCIENCE!!!! That way, even if the Youma ends up GETTING destroyed, the energy they collected will STILL be saved, and can be USED to fuel the MEANS, for getting Queen Metalia revived!”

 

Queen Beryl gets impressed, and she says: “That's a VERY resourceful PLAN! I LOVE it!”

 

Doctor Maniac says: “If there's one thing I've learned from having to fight against annoying Power Rangers, is that you've got to learn HOW to play the LONG Game with them! Even if they manage to defeat every single Youma the four of you can THROW at them, it will all be for naught! That is, if what you TOLD me is INDEED the truth; than Queen Metalia is EASILY stronger, and more POWERFUL, than ALL of the Youma PUT together!”

Kunzite asks: “Are you HINTING that Queen Metalia's powers aren't what they OUGHT to BE?!”

Doctor Maniac says: “Absolutely not! All I'm saying is, you have to SHOW the Power Rangers just WHO the TRUE master of this planet is! Do NOT underestimate them! I made THAT mistake ONCE, and it COST me the LIFE of my ONLY son! NEVER, AGAIN!!!!”

Queen Beryl seriously says: “Indeed. My sorcerer's will create Youma to the BEST of their ability!”

Kunzite eagerly says: “And I shall take the liberty of creating the NEXT one!”

Zolsite asks: “What do you have in mind?”

Kunzite scoffs, and says: “Not that it's any of YOUR business, but I noticed that the Rangers called Pinkie and Lettuce, who make me SICK with their 'LOVE' for each other, have come across the possession of a foundling, mutant baby child! We create a MAD Youma, to POSE as the MAD mother of the child, who will have her sights SET on destroying the Power Rangers, all for keeping a sweet, innocent baby MONSTER, HOSTAGE in their clutches!”

Nephrite says: “Than DO IT, NOW!!!!”

Kunzite chants: “By the Power invested into me by the Chaos Gods, infuse me with Black MAGIC, and give my Youma LIFE!!!!”

Kunzite waves his magic staff, and an angry Youma, transforms into the FALSE, motherly image, of being related to the innocent baby mutant! The Youma angrily shouts: “I am ISACON; and I WANT my little baby BACK!!!!”

Queen Beryl evilly says: “Your BABY is being held HOSTAGE by the Power Rangers! You see them PRETENDING to protect it?! You TAKE!!!! And if they, ESPECIALLY Usagi, try to get in your WAY, you BREAK their FACE!!!!”

Isacon says: “They will RUE the day they decided to steal MY baby!!!!”

And Isacon vanishes to Core Earth! Doctor Maniac chuckles, and he says: “Most excellent! EVERYTHING is going ACCORDING to PLAN!!!!” /

With the Baby mutant now cleaned up, Lettuce carrying a backpack which contains a PLETHORA of baby material for the young infant, and the Baby Mutant riding piggy-back on Pinkie Pie, the three of them arrive at BlackHawk's FANCY mansion house! They ring the door-bell, and a female's voice says: “Who is at the door?”

Lettuce says: “We're BlackHawk's friends; Lettuce and Pinkie Pie! We've come to see if BlackHawk is home, at the moment!”

 

The female says: “I'm afraid that he's currently out walking D.O.G., right now, but you're welcome to come in and wait for him!”

 

The front door opens, and as SOON as it does, Lettuce and Pinkie are both FLOORED by how FANCY BlackHawk's mansion house truly is! Lettuce says: “WOW!!!! BlackHawk has been holding OUT on us! This house is ALMOST as fancy as MY house!!!!”

 

Pinkie asks: “REALLY?!”

Lettuce says: “I SAID, 'Almost'!”

 

Than a tall, attractive-looking female bird with red hair and yellow feathers, wearing a red shirt, red dress, and red high-heeled shoes walks into the room, and Lettuce and Pinkie can't help but STARE at her, for different reasons! Pinkie asks: “Are you BlackHawk's SISTER?!!!”

 

The female scoffs and says: “BlackHawk doesn't HAVE a sister! I'm his MOTHER!!!!”

Lettuce looks at Pinkie, and he says: “Awkward!”

The female says: “But seeing as how calling ME, 'BlackHawk's Mom' all the time would get a little OLD, you may call me Mrs. Little!”

 

Pinkie says: “Your husband must be awfully lucky to have met a lady like YOU!”

Mrs. Little shakes her head, and she says: “Oh no, Pinkie. I'm single!”

 

Lettuce asks: “Then what happened to Mr. Little?!”

Mrs. Little merely looks away, fumes, and she sourly says: “I don't want to TALK about it!”

 

Lettuce shrugs, and he says: “Fair enough!”

 

Than a shorter, younger male bird with orange hair, yellow feathers, and wearing Billy type eyeglasses, a white shirt, blue pants, and black shoes comes into the room. The boy asks: “Mom, do we have guests in here for me?!”

Mrs. Little says: “Not this time, Coop. These are friends of BlackHawk. They've come here to see him.”

 

Coop says: “You know, ever since we moved to Coastal Falls, I haven't gotten to SEE much of Master Yo, Yang, Dave, or my girlfriend Yin!”

 

Mrs. Little says: “Well, you can THANK Master Yo for THAT! He WANTED BlackHawk to move to this town to protect it with his Woo Foo Powers, but so far, the Power Rangers are doing ALL the protecting! Not that I care, I have a much better piece of mind knowing that THEY are the ones risking their lives, so that the two of you don't HAVE to!”

Coop says: “You know PERFECTLY well about how capable BlackHawk and I are, especially when we work together! I'm the one who actually BROUGHT down the Night Master, lest you FORGET that important fact! And working together, BlackHawk and I both brought down Ferocitus!”

 

Mrs. Little says: “I'm fully well aware that you can defend yourself if you HAVE to, I just don't want you getting into risky situations if you don't NEED to!”

Coop rolls his eyes, and says: “Please! It's not like I'm some WEAK, pathetic kid like JUSTIN was! Unlike him, I'm NOT annoying! I'm actually HELPFUL in a fight, and I also have a COOL side to me!”

 

Lettuce asks: “YOU have a cool side?!”

 

Coop says: “You ought to come around here more often! I could SHOW you, sometimes!”

Mrs. Little asks: “So, what kind of business are you seeking with BlackHawk?”

 

Pinkie says: “You see this little baby on my back? We found it as an egg in the park! I KNOW you've probably never seen a creature like this before!”

Mrs. Little chuckles and says: “Actually, back in our old home town of Neo Chicago, we would often see creatures that looked a LOT stranger than THAT! That little baby would only rank at a low 2 on our relative WEIRDNESS scale at BEST!”

 

Lettuce says: “Well, in any case, we were wondering where BlackHawk might be?!”

Coop asks: “Isn't that what CELL PHONES are for?!”

Lettuce blushes, and he says: “OOPS!!!! I KNEW we were forgetting SOMETHING!!!! We should contact him immediately!”

 

Mrs. Little says: “You can go and use MY trophy room to make the call! I mean, we get WONDERFUL cell phone reception EVERYWHERE in this household, but that room is particularly GOOD for making cell phone calls!”

 

Pinkie says: “Thank you for the advice, Mrs. Little! Are you SURE you're NOT BlackHawk's sister?!”

Mrs. Little yells: “I'm a BEAUTIFUL 37!!!! I'm PERFECTLY capable of being a mother to BOTH BlackHawk and Coop!”

Pinkie says: “All right, all right, YEESH!!!! No need to YELL!”

 

Lettuce and Pinkie both head into Mrs. Little's trophy room, and they are VERY impressed with just how many first place medals, trophies, awards, and various celebratory pictures there are of various important people that Mrs. Little has met throughout her life, up to and INCLUDING the CURRENT President of the Federation of Core Earth! Lettuce asks: “You think that Mrs. Little has enough TROPHIES and STUFF?!!!”

But neither of them notice that COOP has crept to OUTSIDE the Trophy Room, and is DISCREETLY spying on their conversation without THEM noticing it! Pinkie says: “Speaking of trophies, do you know about all those mugs, and t-shirts, and lunch boxes with the Power Rangers PICTURES on them? Have YOU ever seen ANY money from all that stuff?!”

 

Lettuce says: “Not a cent!”

Pinkie says: “Me neither! It's a crying shame! That's what it is!”

Lettuce pushes his communicator, and he says: “BlackHawk, come in!” /

BlackHawk says: “Where ARE you guys?!” /

 

Pinkie says: “We're over at YOUR house! That's where we THOUGHT you would be! You NEVER told us that YOU had a HOT mom!”

 

Lettuce yells: “PINKIE!!!!”

Pinkie shouts: “WHAT?!!! Well, she IS!!!! Now we know that good looks must RUN in his family!” /

 

BlackHawk says: “Focus! I've just arrived over at Alphys and Undyne's apartment! Papyrus has just arrived to make some spaghetti pasta for the three of us!” /

 

Lettuce asks: “The THREE of YOU?!” /

 

BlackHawk says: “I've got the current Phantom Ranger with me, and she's a GIRL named StarHawk! As it turns out, she's the SAME species as I am; and I'm ACTUALLY a Hawkian, descended from the Planet Hawkia! I don't know WHY my mom never decided to TELL me about that!” /

 

And Coop silently GASPS at the revelation, knowing that if his BROTHER is a Hawkian, HE must be to! Pinkie says: “We just MET your mom! We just thought that maybe you got your looks from your FATHER'S side of the family!” /

 

BlackHawk says: “I would have no way of knowing; my mom will NEVER even TALK about where my father is now, but I WOULD like you to come over anyways! I can introduce you to StarHawk properly, and you can meet up with Billy and Rocky!” /

 

Lettuce asks: “Billy and Rocky are LIVING at Undyne's apartment complex NOW?!” /

BlackHawk says: “They just moved there, recently! They'd be HAPPY to catch up with some of their fellow Power Rangers!” /

Coop silently asks himself: “Fellow Power Rangers?”

 

Pinkie says: “We're on our way! Come on, Lettuce! We'd better go out the front door, or else Mrs. Little and Coop might get SUSPICIOUS about something!”

Coop REALIZES that Lettuce and Pinkie are coming out and may SEE him, so he decides to duck behind a vase, and silently says: “Woo Foo Invisibility!”

 

And Coop vanishes from sight, but his clothes...not so much! Lettuce and Pinkie are in such a hurry, however, they don't even GLANCE behind them, and Lettuce says: “We're going to Undyne's place to meet up with BlackHawk! We'll see you around, Mrs. Little!”

 

Mrs. Little shouts: “Okay, see you around!”

Coop whispers to himself: “I have GOT to find out what's going on!”

 

He begins to run after them, but he NOTICES himself due to his visible clothes in a mirror, and he says: “UGH!!!! I STILL haven't gotten that TECHNIQUE perfected yet!”

 

Coop runs to his room, which has a FEW medals and awards, mostly for scientific and academic achievements, but nowhere NEAR as many as BlackHawk and his mother has! Coop takes off his glasses, puts in contact lenses, and removes the visible clothes off of his invisible, but still tangible, body! Coop says: “Not the most ideal method, but at LEAST I won't be SEEN!!!!”

 

Coop quickly runs outside, just in time to hear Pinkie shout: “Time to warp to Undyne's!”

 

And in a flash of pink and green, Pinkie and Lettuce disappear over to Undyne's! Coop quickly and INSTANTLY realizes what is going on, and he says: “AWESOME!!!! BlackHawk's friends are POWER Rangers!!!! And if THEY are Power Rangers; than MAYBE...I'd better go after them, but I'll NEVER get over to Undyne's on foot!”

 

Coop SEES BlackHawk's parked Vespa, and to himself, he says: “Sorry about this, BlackHawk!”

Coop runs over to the parked Vespa, and concentrating his Woo Foo Magic, he says: “Piertotum Locomotor! I've ALWAYS wanted to USE that spell!”

 

And the Vespa comes to life and takes off with the INVISIBLE Coop on it, but because nobody can SEE that Coop is riding on it, a bunch of people who SEE the Vespa pass them, scream: “AHH! GHOSTS! SPOOKS!!!! SPIRITS!!!! GHOULS!!!!” And various stuff like that!

Coop says to himself: “Oops! I did NOT think this through! Too late to turn back now; I've just got to make a mental note to myself, to NEVER make this type of mistake again!” /

 

BlackHawk, D.O.G., and StarHawk are standing outside Undyne's apartment! BlackHawk rings the doorbell, and Alphys nervously says: “Just a minute!”

 

The three of them hear a lot of clattering noise inside, as if Alphys was putting a bunch of stuff away! Finally, the door opens, and Alphys appears to greet them! Alphys nervously says: “Oh, it's YOU, BlackHawk! I must say, it's a GREAT pleasure to see you again! I don't think I've ever really thanked you enough for being kind enough, to spare everyone in the Underworld. You didn't even attack Flowey!”

BlackHawk says: “It was Master Yo's idea to send me there in the first place, as a lesson in self-restraint. After all, sometimes, being a real hero isn't about knowing when to TAKE a life, but when to SPARE one.”

 

Alphys says: “I can definitely agree with that! So, is it just the three of you?”

D.O.G., says: “No, we should have at LEAST two others coming to join us right...”

And on cue, Lettuce and Pinkie appear right in front of them! D.O.G., finishes saying: “Now!”

Lettuce says: “We've got a lot to fill you in on!”

 

BlackHawk says: “I'm already aware of SOME of the details, but you better tell me ALL the details anyway. Just so I make sure that I haven't missed anything!”

 

The six of them are so focused on what they are saying, they don't even NOTICE BlackHawk's Vespa (magically driven by the invisible Coop), has currently parked across the street from them!) Pinkie says: “First off, I think Omnus has finally found a new LOVE partner, if you can believe that! Ever since Queen Hedrian found herself without a husband, and without her Hedrian Clan; since she had nowhere else to go, Omnus took her in, and they've been doing the NASTY together ever since!”

 

Lettuce yells: “PINKIE!!!!”

Pinkie rhetorically asks: “WHAT?! They HAVE been! You don't honestly BUY that flimsy excuse that Omnus and Queen Hedrian were FIGHTING each other and their CLOTHES flew off, do you?!”

BlackHawk glances at her, and he says: “You know, whenever YOU say something that actually MAKES perfect logic AND sense, it can be REALLY scary sometimes!”

D.O.G., says: “Look, I'm sure that for whatever reason...OMNUS, has chosen to be in love with Queen Hedrian, it's his own business. Besides, Eltarians have personal needs TO, you know! Besides, he's been helping PROTECT this planet for 10,000 years, so I think he's earned a little PERSONAL reward for all his troubles, if you know what I mean!”

Alphys says: “I'd certainly agree with that. All I'm wondering is...why Queen Hedrian?”

Lettuce says: “I'm sure that Omnus will explain everything to us, once the time is right.”

Undyne appears in the doorway, and she asks: “Why are you standing around out here, when there is pasta cooking INSIDE our apartment?! Come in! Billy and Rocky have already arrived, as well as your friends, Naruto and Usagi.”

Pinkie asks: “Is...Krystal/Kras'hir not joining us?”

BlackHawk says: “She probably CAN'T! Even though she IS on our side, she IS still a demon, and she has her quota to maintain, lest she go INSANE and lose herself!”

D.O.G., says: “Too bad! More pasta for me!”

Alphys says: “Papyrus ALWAYS appreciates how YOU love his pasta so much!”

Lettuce says: “By the way, BlackHawk, we were wondering if you could help us out with something?”

BlackHawk says: “Possibly. What do you want help with?”

Pinkie turns around, and she shows them the little, blue, baby mutant on her back! StarHawk gasps and says: “That is the BABY I've been searching for!”

Undyne asks: “How is THAT...THING, YOUR baby?!”

StarHawk says: “He is NOT my baby, I have MERELY been helping Notacon SEARCH for him! The child belongs to HIM, in the year 3017!”

Pinkie says: “We were wondering who the child truly belongs to, so it's good to have THAT mystery cleared up for us!”

Alphys says: “Your timing is MOST opportune! It will give me a GOOD opportunity to test my NEW Dimensional Hailing Channel that Billy and I have been itching to try!”

D.O.G., asks: “You're working with Billy now?”

 

Alphys asks: “How do you think I GOT so smart?! I'm a student/protege of Billy's! Billy might not have any love interest in girls, but he knows a REALLY smart creature when he sees one! He took me in, and has been teaching me EVERYTHING he knows about SCIENCE!!!! It's REALLY fascinating!”

 

Undyne says: “Well, we can talk about it more INSIDE!!!! Before the pasta gets cold!”

Coop silently says to himself: “I'd better hurry before she shuts the door!”

 

And using his Woo Foo super-speed, Coop manages to rush INSIDE before Undyne is able to shut the door! But Coop ISN'T able to stop on a dime, and he WOOSHES right past Pinkie Pie! Pinkie shudders, and she asks: “Did you guys just feel something?!”

 

Alphys says: “It's probably the hammer space effect.”

BlackHawk asks: “Hammer space effect?”

 

Undyne answers: “It's how this place is able to be BIGGER on the inside than from what it looks like on the outside! We simply utilize the natural gaps found between time and space, which is MUCH larger than you would THINK it would be by the way; anyways, you simply put any extra space or materials you might want to use for LATER, INSIDE there, than pull it OUT once you want to use it! It's not THAT hard!”

 

Lettuce says: “BOY! If Mrs. Little ever knew how to utilize THAT trick, she'd be able to store a LOT more trophies than she has right now, I'll tell you THAT much!”

BlackHawk yells: “LETTUCE!!!!”

Lettuce asks: “WHAT?! She WOULD! Besides, I'm not even ATTRACTED to her, and for THREE good reasons! A., I already HAVE Pinkie Pie as my girlfriend! B., Even if I WAS interested in Mrs. Little, which I'm NOT, she's out of my LEAGUE anyways! And C., she is simply NOT my type!”

 

D.O.G., says: “Confidentially speaking, I don't think Mrs. Little would find YOU, to be her type either! From what I understand, she likes guys who are GOOD at WINNING! I think that's why she's taken such a sudden interest in Core Earth's President recently!”

 

BlackHawk asks: “D.O.G.! Is that information REALLY relevant at the moment?!”

Usagi comes in, and she says: “I think it MIGHT be! After all, Core Earth's President RECENTLY tried to ARREST me AND Krystal/Kras'hir, MERELY for trying to PROTECT Core Earth from the threat of Queen Beryl's youma!”

BlackHawk looks shocked, and he says: “I'm sorry! I genuinely didn't know. My mom simply told me that her newest, GREATEST love interest, simply took two SUSPECTS in for questioning! Not that he tried to IMPRISON the two of you!”

Usagi groans and says: “It's not like he could have HURT us, even if he WANTED to! After all, SHE is a demon, and I'M actually the one and ONLY Sailor Moon!”

BlackHawk says: “Which reminds me; you never TOLD me that you had such strength INSIDE of you! I'm really IMPRESSED by it! Could you SPAR with me in the Simulation Planet sometimes?!”

Usagi says: “Sure! It would give me a good excuse to fight without actually HARMING anyone, and it would get YOU to become much STRONGER, which would be a BIG help for us!”

Naruto walks in, and asks: “Aren't you FORGETTING about someone?!”

BlackHawk scoffs, and says: “We WEREN'T even talking about YOU, Naruto! Last time I checked, you were no LONGER the team leader of the Power Rangers!”

Naruto says: “Last time I checked, you weren't EITHER!”

BlackHawk says: “Maybe so, but unlike you, that doesn't necessarily BOTHER me! I wasn't the team leader of the Woo Foo Warriors either!”

Coop forgets HIMSELF, and he says: “That's not what YOU told mom when YOU first joined the Woo Foo Warriors!”

 

Pinkie asks: “Who SAID THAT?!”

Alphys screams: “AHHH!!!! GHOSTS!!!!”

BlackHawk rolls his eyes, and says: “NO! Woo Foo ENERGY BLAST!!!!”

Coop nervously says: “Woo Foo Energy Shield!!!!”

 

And Coop THROWS up a green force field, which absorbs BlackHawk's energy attack, but it also REVEALS himself in the process! BlackHawk asks: “Coop?! What are YOU doing here?! And MORE importantly, why are YOU naked?!”

 

Coop sighs and says: “Look, I was wondering what was up with your friends!! You NEVER talk about them, you NEVER talk about what you DO with them, and FURTHERMORE, you NEVER told ME that your FRIENDS Pinkie AND Lettuce were Power Rangers! I'm your YOUNGER brother! I have a RIGHT to know about these things! You better tell me what is going on RIGHT now!”

 

Lettuce nervously says: “He must have OVERHEARD us in the Trophy Room TALKING to you!”

Undyne nervously says: “I think the jig is up. You better let me hold the baby, and you go on ahead.”

Pinkie hands over the blue, baby mutant, and she sighs and says: “All right, then. It's MORPHING time!” /

 

BlackHawk says: “Spinosaurus!” / StarHawk says: “Shift into Turbo! Phantom Ranger, Turbo Power!” / Naruto says:“POWER OF MARS! FIRE!” / Lettuce says: “POWER OF JUPITER! LIGHTNING!” / Pinkie says: “POWER OF VENUS! AETHER!” / Usagi says: “COSMORPHER! SAILOR MOON! WHITE RANGER POWER!” /

 

The six of them appear fully morphed, then take off their helmets. Coop is taken aback, and he asks: “All SIX of YOU are Power Rangers?!”

Billy and Rocky come in, and Billy says: “Confidentially, they weren't the FIRST ones! I WAS one of the first!”

Rocky says: “Technically speaking, since Zordon informed us that there WERE fourteen teams of Power Rangers BEFORE you, that would make YOU the FIFTEENTH generation of a Power Ranger team!”

Billy says: “Maybe so, but thanks to Radiguet's global mind-wipe, I am STILL part of the first Power Ranger team that MOST people ACTUALLY remember!”

BlackHawk asks: “Now do you see WHY I didn't want you to find out about this?!”

 

Coop sighs, and says: “Kind of, although it really wasn't THAT surprising! After all, as soon as the Orange Ranger APPEARED; soon after that, you STARTED wearing Orange Clothes, BlackHawk! No offense, but the orange clothes and the Orange Ranger thing were KIND OF a BIG giveaway for me!”

 

Pinkie asks: “HE made THAT connection TO?!”

BlackHawk sighs, and says: “What can I say? Being Genre Savvy must run in the family! But look, Coop! I really CAN'T let you tell our MOM about this! She already KNOWS that we're Woo Foo Warriors! She doesn't need to KNOW about THIS, as well!”

Coop asks: “So, what is in it for ME?!”

Rocky nervously says: “Uh-oh! He's not a Justin! He's SMART enough to take initiative!”

 

Coop says: “Naturally! BlackHawk isn't the ONLY member of our family who had the unfortunate distinction of having to be TEMPORARILY under the employ of the Night Master! He tried to make ME into his evil apprentice as well!”

 

Lettuce says: “That's TERRIBLE!”

Coop says: “Thankfully, I wised up to his evil ways before it was too late, and I helped Yin, Yang, and Master Yo in their fight to take him down and destroy him!”

 

BlackHawk says: “As you are SO fond of REMINDING me of whenever I'M asked to go on a mission, and I don't WANT you to come! But this is an ENTIRELY different situation! I don't want YOU to get hurt because of something the Power Rangers did! BUT; I will let you do something ELSE cool!”

 

Coop excitedly asks: “Really?! What would that be?!”

BlackHawk asks: “You've always WANTED to improve your already smart academic and scientific skills, right? Well, Billy is just the guy who can help you out with that! RIGHT, Billy?!”

 

Billy thinks about it, and he says: Oh, very well! I COULD always use another scientific mind to help me around my lab, calculate equations, and cook up various inventions for YOU Power Rangers to use! Who knows? Coop's untapped inventing skills and natural Woo Foo Powers just might come in handy!”

 

Coop says: “YEAH!!!! I'm an official ally of the Power Rangers!!!! And a much better ally than JUSTIN, I might add!”

Rocky says: “Just do us a favor, and put some CLOTHES on, first!”

Coop blushes, and he says: “Sorry about that! I still haven't completely perfected my Woo Foo Invisibility trick, yet!”

 

BlackHawk says: “And while Billy and Rocky help you get set up, Alphys can take me and StarHawk to the Dimensional Hailing Channel, so StarHawk can contact Notacon, so he can pick his baby up! And by the way, Undyne, StarHawk told me that she needs a place to stay! Do you have a place HERE where she can stay at?!”

 

Undyne says: “Absolutely! I just need to get some more room from the hammer space, but I can set up StarHawk with her own room easily enough!”

StarHawk says: “Awesome! I now have my own place on Core Earth! I am the SO happy right now!”

BlackHawk smiles, and he says: “You know, I'm kind of happy that you're living here on Core Earth now, to. It's nice to have a NEW Power Ranger to help us out in our fights!”

Coop says: “OOH!!!! BlackHawk is being very NICE to you, I should think!”

 

BlackHawk yells: “Get DRESSED already!”

Coop rolls his eyes, and says: “All right, all right, YEESH! What a GROUCH!!!!”

 

And Coop leaves the room! Pinkie asks: “By the way, where are Toby and Ebony?”

 

Naruto says: “Dang it if I know! But if I had to guess, I'd say that Toby and Ebony are sitting AROUND in Ebony's house as USUAL; smoking the reefer, and doing all SORTS of NAUGHTY stuff with each other! I know Ebony made that DEAL with Slaneesh, and all. But she doesn't have to be THAT dedicated to fulfilling it! Or at the VERY least, I certainly DON'T think she does!” /

 

Sure enough, at Ebony's house, Ebony and Toby are STONED out of their minds, listening to sitar music from George Harrison, barely dressed, and being MESMERIZED by simple little things! Ebony says: “When your HAND moves like THIS, it makes a WEIRD blurring motion! Do you see what I mean?!”

 

Toby says: “I know! I'm actually TASTING purple right now! It tastes like plums!”

Ebony says: “The SNOZZBERRIES taste like SNOZZBERRIES!!!!”

 

Toby says: “Speaking of this FOOD talk, I'm hungry...for MUNCHIES!!!!”

Ebony says: “Than we simply HAVE to go on a MUNCHIE run to GET some! Don't you agree?!”

 

Toby says: “Sure. Let's get properly dressed first, and make sure we have some MONEY on us THIS time! We don't want to be embarrassed like that time you tried to make MONEY appear out of thin air, and made our CLOTHES disappear into thin air! My mom read me the riot act for a WEEK when you did that!”

 

Ebony says: “I TOLD you; I would've been able to DO that spell correctly if I had NOT been COMPLETELY stoned out of my MIND when that happened!”

Toby asks: “Ebony, do you TRULY think we're right for each other? I mean, you're so drop-dead beautiful, and I'm not exactly Prince CHARMING, you know!”

 

Ebony rhetorically asks: “Do I LOOK like I WANT a Prince Charming?! Because Spoiler Alert, I don't! I was WILLING to PRETEND to be a SQUEAKY CLEAN Virgin in an attempt to IMPRESS BlackHawk, give him the best month of HIS entire life! And what does he do JUST because I had ONE fling with Draco Malfoy?! He SPAT in MY FACE and broke UP to me!”

 

Toby says: “Well, you DID lie to him ABOUT it! I think he was more upset about THAT, than anything!”

Ebony says: “I tried the whole, 'Knight in Shining Armor' thing, and look where THAT ended up! Been there, done that, do NOT want to do it AGAIN! His LOSS, anyways! He just lost out on THIS, Toby! He has COMPLETELY lost out on THIS!”

Toby says: “Too bad, so sad! More for me, if you ask me!”

Toby and Ebony get properly dressed, get their money, and Ebony says: “Time to run to the nearest junk food store!”

 

Toby asks: “Wait! How are we going to get the 'MUNCHIES' this time?! I don't think the whole 'Look up, look down, now look at Mr. Frying Pan!!!!' Trick is going to work again!”

Ebony shakes a bottle of Polyjuice Potion, and she says: “Got a little HAIR of my mother and my father without them NOTICING it! I never LEAVE home without it, whenever I want to DO something that THEY don't think is 'Age-appropriate' for me!”

Toby says: “Never TRIED that stuff before! Will it hurt?”

Ebony says: “I'm afraid it WILL hurt a little. More than a tickle...”

 

Toby and Ebony speak simultaneously: “And WAY LESS than PAYING YOUR taxes!”

Toby says: “I've heard THAT joke before! All right then! Bottoms up!”

 

They both drink the Polyjuice Potion, and sure enough, Toby and Ebony transform into the exact LIKENESS of Ebony's Human, Magic Father, and Ebony's Half-Vampire Magic Mother respectively! Toby says: “Weird! I thought your FATHER was the Half-Vampire!”

Ebony says: “That's a common misconception! In real-life, most Male Vampires are NOTORIOUSLY lazy! Late risers, early-to-bed sleepers; they get TIRED, like, ALL the time! That's why my mom decided to fall in LOVE with a human in the FIRST place!”

 

Toby says: “Good to know!”

Ebony puts a LOT of sunscreen on the unprotected parts of her body, and wears a nice, shady hat for extra protection! Ebony says: “Now come on! We've got to hurry! I swiped my parents I.D., but that Polyjuice Potion is only going to last us for a few hours, IF that!”

Ebony rushes out the door, and Toby says: “No problem! Let me just get USED to RUNNING with THESE incredibly SLOW, out-of-shape, LATHARGIC, noodle-like, middle-aged MEN things that your father DARES call LEGS!!!!”

Ebony is OFFENDED, and asks: “MIDDLE-AGED?! Try being my OWN MOTHER!!!! As a half-vampire, she's a LOT older than my FATHER is! She's REALLY 200 years old!”

Toby says: “WOW!!!! You...as HER, you don't look a DAY over 87!!!!”

Ebony blushes, and she says: “For my mom, she would actually take THAT one as a compliment!”

Toby says: “Funny! Now let's go!”

 

They run outside as fast as they can, only to run into the MENACING monster that happens to BE, Isacon!!!! Isacon asks: “Where are the Power Rangers?!”

Ebony, not wanting her to suspect anything, asks: “Depends. Who wants to know?!”

 

Isacon says: “I am ISACON!!!! The Power Rangers have STOLEN my baby boy AWAY from me, and I DEMAND to have him BACK!!!!”

Toby asks: “The Power Rangers stealing YOUR baby?! I think you've got the WRONG number, lady! The Power Rangers are HEROES! They would NEVER steal a baby! As a matter of fact, the Power Rangers are friends to ALL living creatures who are good!”

 

Isacon says: “And in Queen Beryl's book, the Power Rangers doing that equates to being BAD!!!! You KNOW something ABOUT them! Tell me what you know right NOW!!!!

And as Isacon YELLS, she emits an odor that's such a POWERFUL stench, it takes the POLYJUICE Potion disguise effect right OFF of Toby and Ebony, and REVEALS the two of them! Isacon yells: “I KNEW it! You TWO ARE POWER RANGERS!!!!”

 

Ebony nervously says: “This wasn't supposed to happen!”

Toby says: “I don't know who this monster THINKS she is, but we can't let her wreck the city! We've got a job to do! It's MORPHING TIME!!!!” /

 

Toby says: “POWER OF MERCURY! WATER!” / Ebony says: “POWER OF EARTH! AIR!” /

Ebony says: “Rangers, come in! We need your help, ASAP!!!!” /

 

At Undyne's place, BlackHawk and StarHawk are finishing talking with Notacon. StarHawk says: “So as you can see, with the devoted love and caring of Lettuce and Pinkie, they have helped to nourish and clean up after your baby, and with Gluto and his Cyclobots gone, it is completely safe for you to come and pick him up!”

 

On the screen, Notacon says: “Thank you ALL for everything! And I'm SO sorry if my baby was a little unsanitary at first! It's a passing phase. He will gain MUCH better control over his bathroom needs once he hits the age of three!”

 

Lettuce says: “Well that's good to know!”

(Beep! Beep! Ba-Beep! Beep! Beep!) Billy says: “I haven't heard THAT alert in a while!”

 

Rocky says: “Me neither! Reminds me of the good old days when we were Rangers! And after saving the day, we would always sneak behind Ernie's Juice Bar, and make out with each other!”

 

BlackHawk asks: “You AND Billy, together?!”

Billy says: “Us fellow Blue Rangers, with the VERY definite exception of JUSTIN, have got to look OUT for each other! Besides, there's a very good reason why I like Rocky; he makes me laugh! And he's QUITE handsome, to!”

Pinkie says: “STILL a better LOVE story than Twilight!”

 

Usagi presses her communicator, and she says: “Come in, Toby and Ebony!” /

Toby says: “Usagi, we've got some blue-skinned, mutant female monster named Isacon, who CLAIMS that the Power Rangers stole her baby!” /

 

Notacon says: “ISACON?!!! That's not the name of MY wife! The name of MY wife happens to be ISNOTACON!!!!”

Naruto flatly asks: “Isnotacon?!”

 

Notacon seriously says: “Our original benefactor, Ransik, was VERY LAME when it came to giving us mutants NAMES!!!! IF you want to blame anybody, blame him!”

StarHawk says: “Looks like your baby will have to wait! We've got an evil monster to take care of!”

 

Lettuce says: “But we can't LEAVE the kid here with Undyne and Papyrus having gone back to work at their Juice Bar again! And we can't exactly bother Billy, Alphys, and Coop; they're busy working on some new power vehicles for six of us to use!”

(Ding-Dong!) BlackHawk asks: “Now who in the world could THAT be?!”

 

BlackHawk opens the door, and it turns out to be Sans! Sans says: “I didn't expect to find all of YOU here, but I could REALLY use some help! Can't you help a skeleton get at least ONE baby or something that needs taken care of?!”

Pinkie excitedly says: “As a matter of fact, we can! There's a baby RIGHT here that needs your help!”

Sans excitedly asks: “Really?!”

And Lettuce and Pinkie point to Notacon's child, and Sans suddenly gets a REPULSED look! Sans disgustedly says: “OH, NO!!!! Don't even...NO!!!!”

BlackHawk gives Sans a PIERCING stare, and Sans seriously says: “Don't look at ME like that! You're getting 'NO', from ME! Honestly; NO!!!! I am NOT EVER going to baby-sit THAT kid!!!!” /

(Gilligan Cut!) Sans is rocking Notacon's child back and forth, feeding him a baby bottle, and the camera closes in on Sans face. Sans says: “AHHH, NUTS!!!! I've GOT to learn to BE more assertive! 'No' means No; means NO!!!!”

(PLOP!!!!) Sans disgustedly says: “Oh, COME ON!!!! You have GOT to be KIDDING me!!!!” /

 

Toby and Ebony are busy staring down at a bunch of Necrons who have appeared to help Notacon fight! Ebony says: “We've got to get rid of the Necrons WITHOUT damaging the city!”

Toby says: “Let's use the power of our new Power Weapons! With my new and improved Chain Ax, I can FREEZE the Necron's SOLID!!!! FREEZE RAY!!!!”

 

And sure enough, the icy blast stops the Necrons DEAD cold! Ebony says: “And with my Thunder Claws, I can use my LIGHTNING powers to BLAST the Necrons HIGH enough into the sky, where their explosions can't HURT anything!!!! LIGHTNING STRIKE!!!!”

 

And using her electric energy grip, she GRABS all of the NECRONS, then THROWS them high enough into the sky, so that when they DO explode, they don't take OUT anything! Toby says: “You're on your own NOW, ISACON!!!!”

BlackHawk and the other Power Rangers arrive, and BlackHawk says: “Ah, man! You didn't even SAVE any Necrons for ME to fight!”

 

Isacon sarcastically says: “Dino-based RANGER Powers?! That's SO last SEASON! Literally; the other Power Rangers haven't used them since LAST season! And who is THIS strange new Ranger?!”

StarHawk says: “My name is NOT of your concern! But you are TERRORIZING BlackHawk and my NEW found FRIENDS!!!! I must ask you to CEASE at ONCE, or you will HAVE to take the CONSEQUENCES!”

 

Isacon screams: “I will NOT stop until I get my BABY back!!!!”

Pinkie jokingly says: “If you're talking about Baby Back Ribs, just go to your nearest Chili's Restaurant!”

Than Pinkie gets SERIOUS, and she says: “But since you're OBVIOUSLY talking about the baby of NOTACON; than you're out of LUCK!!!! Queen Beryl has LIED to you, and is DECEIVING you!”

 

Isacon seriously says: “My only purpose is to SERVE my Queen! And if I can DESTROY Usagi in the process, that will only be a BONUS for her! You have NO idea how MUCH she wants YOU dead, Usagi!”

Usagi seriously says: “I actually have SOME idea! But if SHE really wants to TRY to kill me, she can TRY attacking ME herself, instead of WASTING her TIME with PATHETIC Youma such as YOURSELF!!!! Rangers, use your POWER Weapons to BRING her down!”

 

BlackHawk says: “Right! Electric Saber!!!!”

And BlackHawk JOLTS Isacon with a BLAST of Electricity! StarHawk says: “Delta Blaster!!!!”

And StarHawk BLASTS Isacon with powerful SPACE energy! Naruto says: “Fire Crossbow!!!!”

And Naruto FIRES SEVERAL bolster shells that EXPLODE once they make contact with Isacon! Lettuce says: “Thunder Hammer!!!!”

And Lettuce slams his hammer DOWN on the ground; he makes the ground ERUPT, and SHOOTS up MORE pieces of sharp earth and magma than he EVER did with his OLD Earth Mace!

Pinkie says: “Plasma Pistol!!!!” And firing SEVERAL shots of plasma, hits Isacon, and ALL the powerful energy FINALLY brings her down, as she EXPLODES into chunks! /

 

Nephrite angrily says: “Kunzite, I thought YOU said that Isacon would DESTROY the Rangers!”

Kunzite angrily says: “She WILL, Nephrite! Once Doctor Maniac activates the Bigga Ray!”

Doctor Maniac laughs MANIACALLY, and says: “Time to link up with the BIGGA Ray, and SHARE your ENERGY, with QUEEN METALIA!!!! MWA, HA, HA, HA!!!!” /

 

(BZZT!!!!) And a strange ray of red energy RECOMBINES the destroyed chunks of Isacon, into one WHOLE, giant monster! BlackHawk says: “Woah!!!! I see THIS part of the job hasn't changed!”

Usagi says: “Time to take this fight to the NEXT level! We need Cosmic Zord power NOW!!!!” /

 

Usagi says: “Cancer Crab White Cosmic Zord Power!” / Naruto says: “Taurus Bull Red Cosmic Zord Power!” / Lettuce says: “Sagittarius Centaur Green Cosmic Zord Power!” / Toby says: “Pisces Fish Blue Cosmic Zord Power!” / Pinkie says: “Scorpio Scorpion Pink Cosmic Zord Power!” / Ebony says: “Aries Ram Black Cosmic Zord Power!” / BlackHawk says: “I call upon the power of the Spinosaurus!” / StarHawk says: “I need Delta Megazord power, NOW!” /

 

The six Cosmic Rangers form their Cosmic Multi-Megazord, while a familiar tune plays! / “They've got, a power and force that you've never seen before! They've got, the ability to morph and to even up the score! No one, can ever take them down! The power lies on their side-ide-ide-ide-ide! Go, go, Power Rangers! Go, go, Power Rangers! Go, go, Power Rangers!” /

 

The Cosmic Multi-Megazord is fully formed, and the Power Rangers say: “Cosmic Multi-Megazord, activate!”

Isacon says: “What a PRETTY Megazord! Such a SHAME that I have to thrash it!”

 

Usagi says: “YOU will be THRASHING NOTHING!!!! BlackHawk, StarHawk, take the first shots and WEAKEN this BEAST!!!!”

BlackHawk says: “Gladly!!!! Fire FULL arsenal!!!!”

 

And BlackHawk unloads the full supply of missiles and torpedoes against Isacon! StarHawk says: “Now it is MY turn!!!! Delta Megazord THROWING Stars!!!!”

And StarHawk unleashes TWO huge throwing stars, and it SLICES right through Isacon! Naruto says: “It's time for the Finishing Move! Let's unleash the Power Sword!”

 

The Cosmic Multi-Megazord reaches into it's sword sheathe, and BREAKS out an ABSURDLY sharp blade! Lettuce says: “Power Sword, SUPER STRIKE!!!!”

And with one QUICK cut of it's blade, it cuts Isacon in HALF, and she screams: “MY BABY!!!! Don't LEAVE me this WAY!!!!”

And Isacon explodes, leaving NO trace of her behind! Toby says: “Power Rangers, that was a super powerful win!” /

 

Zolsite growls angrily, and he says: “You have FAILED our Queen UTTERLY, Kunzite!!!!”

Kunzite asks: “I FAILED her?! It was the fault of that STUPID Youma!!!! If it hadn't have BEEN so obsessed with that BABY, it would have turned them ALL into BABY food!!!!”

 

Doctor Maniac angrily screams: “SILENCE!!!! ALL of YOU!!!! Or I will turn you ALL into 'MULAN' SZECHUAN MCNUGGET SAUCE!!!!”

Queen Beryl chuckles at the comic ineptitude of her servants, and she says: “That's telling them!”

 

Doctor Maniac calms down, and he says: “It matters NOT that Isacon was destroyed! After all, she WAS able to provide us with some MUCH valuable energy, that has been collected and stored for Queen Metalia's eventual revival! Every little bit of energy will help towards helping us REALIZE that goal! Our efficiency will be MOST pleased by her; even if we HAVE to play the LONG game in order to do it!”

 

Nephrite nervously says: “I just hope we will ALL still be alive for that, once it comes!”

Bzrk angrily says: “IF YOU DON'T STRAIGHTEN UP THAT COWARDLY ATTITUDE OF YOURS, IT MAY BE YOU WHO ENDS UP DYING NEXT!!!!”

Grzrg says: “BECAUSE DOCTOR MANIAC HAS HIS LOYAL BIO BEAST GENERALS WAITING FOR HIS CALL, AND THEY WOULD BE MOST WELCOME REPLACEMENTS TO REPLACE YOU!!!!”

 

Doctor Maniac says: “Patience, you two. My five Bio Beast Generals shall be with us soon enough. They are helping me arrange a little...surprise, for my little 'friends', BlackHawk and Woolbur Fleecely! After all, the Power Rangers STILL don't know that I'M helping you YET!!!! But once I make my OFFICIAL debut, by taking out the ACCURSED Orange Ranger, and that PESKY S.P.D. Green Ranger in ONE fell swoop, the Power Rangers will NEVER forget ME AGAIN!!!!”

 

Zolsite asks: “Do you REALLY think you can take out TWO Power Rangers at once?!”

Doctor Maniac seriously says: “When I WANT to kill a Power Ranger, I ALWAYS make SURE I GET the job done, sooner or LATER!!!! I got RID of a YELLOW Ranger, I got RID of ONE S.P.D. Green Ranger, and BlackHawk and Woolbur will be the NEXT to fall!”

Kunzite defiantly says: “I will believe THAT, once you actually DELIVER it, and NOT before!” /

Coop and D.O.G., are riding in BlackHawk's Vespa back home; BlackHawk is flying after them!

They arrive at BlackHawk's home, and Coop sighs, and he says: “Listen, BlackHawk; I'm sorry I turned invisible and took your Vespa without permission in order to spy on you.”

BlackHawk says: “If it's ANY consolation, I would HAVE told you all about my being a Ranger...eventually.”

 

Coop says: “It IS kind of exciting though, all things considered! You being a Power Ranger, me being able to help Billy and Alphys create COOL inventions for you to use! It's REALLY awesome when you think about it!”

BlackHawk says: “Right! But remember, don't TELL mom about it! I don't want her to worry if she doesn't HAVE to!”

They enter their fancy house, and Mrs. Little says: “BlackHawk, you're FINALLY back with D.O.G.! And what is COOP doing with you?! I thought he was here at home!”

BlackHawk improvises on the spot, and he says: “Coop just remembered that I forgot my Vespa back uptown back at Undyne's place! He didn't want it to be left there, so I had D.O.G., help supervise Coop driving the Vespa, so he could bring it back here!”

Mrs. Little seriously says: “Coop, you KNOW I don't want you driving until you turn fourteen!...BUT, if D.O.G., was helping to supervise you, than I'm sure you were just fine! Just...tell me in advance BEFORE you decide to take BlackHawk's Vespa out for a spin!”

Coop seriously says: “Yes, mom! I'll remember that for future reference!”

Mrs. Little asks: “Well, BlackHawk, just how WAS your day, today?!”

 

BlackHawk excitedly says: “Oh, it was really incredible! I helped Lettuce and Pinkie Pie re-unite a baby with his REAL Father and Mother! No, wait! I haven't told you the BEST part! I got to SEE the new and IMPROVED Power Rangers in battle! No, wait! I still haven't told you the BEST part! I met a brand new GIRL!!!! She's just LIKE me, and she's REALLY nice and pretty! No, WAIT!!!! I STILL HAVEN'T TOLD YOU the BEST PART!!!! She's NOT IMAGINARY!!!!”

 

Mrs. Little is intrigued, and says: “REALLY?! Who IS this brand new girl?!”

BlackHawk says: “Her name is StarHawk! She comes from the Planet Hawkia, just like WE originally DID, Mother!!!!”

 

Mrs. Little sighs, and says: “I was hoping to save that bit of news until you turned 18, BlackHawk. Same goes for YOU, Coop! There's a reason I didn't want you to KNOW about your TRUE origins until you were OLD enough, BlackHawk! I know that you are BOTH gifted fighters, and you ENJOY saving the world; it's just that SOME Hawkian Natives live for nothing BUT fighting! They enjoy getting STRONGER than everyone else, and see nothing WRONG with fighting!”

 

BlackHawk says: “StarHawk doesn't seem to be like that. She enjoys fighting with her alien powers, but she seems nice enough. She just wants to start a new life on Core Earth in Coastal Falls, and help protect the innocent. She's got herself a new place at Undyne's apartment.”

 

Mrs. Little says: “In any case, she certainly SOUNDS a lot better than that LAST girlfriend of YOURS, Ebony WHAT'S HER FACE!!!! I ALWAYS THOUGHT SHE WAS a BIT of a FLOOZY and LOOSE with her MORALS!!!!”

D.O.G., asks: “If you REALLY thought that; why didn't you SAY something BEFORE?!”

Mrs. Little coyly asks: “Do you think BlackHawk would've HONESTLY listened to me if I had?!”

BlackHawk gets an Anime sweat drop, and he says: “Probably not.”

 

Mrs. Little says: “Sometimes, you HAVE to find out things the HARD way, BlackHawk! Now could you PLEASE all stay home for the rest of the night?! I have a VERY important DATE with the President of Core Earth! BlackHawk, you're in charge of taking care of EVERYTHING ELSE!”

 

BlackHawk whines, and says: “Mom, you ALWAYS make me be in charge of my younger brother AND D.O.G., whenever YOU go out and about!”

Mrs. Little says: “Well, unless I can GET the President of Core Earth to MARRY me, than I'm afraid that you'll HAVE to be the co-parent of the house until I do! This house doesn't keep ITSELF clean and proper, you know!”

BlackHawk rolls his eyes, and says: “It WOULD if you would STOP BEING SO STUBBORN, and just BUY some robot BUTLERS like Lettuce has!”

Mrs. Little seriously says: “How many times do I have to tell you that I'm NOT going to throw perfectly GOOD money AWAY?! Those Robot Butlers have to be upgraded like; every six months ANYWAYS!”

BlackHawk says: “Look, I'm JUST saying...”

Mrs. Little sighs and says: “JUST be the good sons that I KNOW you are; that's what you're BEST at!”

BlackHawk sighs in defeat, and says: “Yes, sir!”

Mrs. Little seriously says: “And STOP calling ME, 'sir!' I'll be back late tonight! Don't wait up!”

And grabbing her purse full of perfume, Mrs. Little hurries out the door! Coop says: “I wonder if she's EVER going to tell us about that father of ours!”

BlackHawk says: “He's alive. I know he is. Why our mother isn't still with him? I have no idea.”

Coop says: “Well, our mom WILL be gone for a few HOURS! You thinking what I'M thinking?!” /

The action switches to BlackHawk's room, and they're BOTH playing “Mario Kart 64” COMPLETELY naked!

BlackHawk says: “When you SAID you wanted to SEE if you MEASURED UP to me; this is NOT what I had in MIND!”

Coop says: “Come on! It's MENTAL exercise! It's GOOD for you!”

D.O.G., chuckles to himself, and says: “What a funny and hilarious family! I wouldn't have it ANY other way at all!” /

Epilogue: On a later day, BlackHawk and StarHawk are dancing together for the first time, all to the tune of a Michael Jackson song! /

Michael Jackson sings: “I don't need no dreams when I'm by your side. Every moment takes me to paradise! Darling, let me hold you warm you in my arms and melt your fears away! Show you all the magic that a perfect love can make! I need you night and day! So baby, be mine! (Baby, you gotta be mine!) And girl, I'll give you all I got to give! So baby, be my girl all the time! And we can share this ecstasy, as long as we believe in love! I won't give you reason to change your mind! I guess it's still you; thrill me, baby, be mine! You are all the future that I desire! Girl, I need to hold you. Share my feelings, in the heat of love's embrace! Show you all the passion, burning in my heart today! It's never gonna fade! So baby, be mine! (Baby, you gotta be mine!) And girl, I'll give you all I got to give! So baby, be my girl all the time! You're everything this world could be; the reason that I live! Won't you stay with me until the morning sun? I promise you now, that the dawn will be different! Lady, can't you see that heaven's just begun? It's living here, inside our hearts! There will be no more mountains for us to climb, I can't be still! You thrill me! Baby, be mine! This will be a love lasting for all time! Girl, you got to hold me! We can touch the sky, and light the darkest day! Hold me; only you and I can make sweet love this way! There's no more I can say! So baby, be mine! Baby, you gotta be mine! Tell me that you love me, and girl, I'll give you all I got to give! Say you're thinking of me! So baby, be mine all the time! Show me how it should be! You're everything this world could be! The reason that I live! Every night it feels alright! Baby, be my girl! Tell me that you love me! And girl, I'll give you all I got to give! Say you're thinking of me! So baby, be mine, baby, be mine! Show me how it should be! You're everything this world could be to me! Every night, it feels alright! Come on girl, come on girl! Tell me that you love me! Say you're thinking of me! So baby, be mine! Show me how it should be! You're everything this world could be to me! Every night it feels alright!” /

Episode Notes: Gluto and some Cyclobots from “Power Rangers Time Force” make their return appearance in THIS episode, only to be DESTROYED by the Current Phantom Ranger in the Delta Megazord! StarHawk makes her debut appearance in this episode, and reveals to BlackHawk that HE and his family are ACTUALLY an alien species called the Hawkians like SHE is, descended from the Planet Hawkia! StarHawk is also an Affectionate Parody/Shout-Out to Starfire from the ORIGINAL “Teen Titans” cartoon show! First PHYSICAL appearances of BlackHawk's mom, Mrs. Little, and BlackHawk's younger brother, Coop. First recurring appearances of Billy and Rocky, who are currently living together in Undyne's apartment. StarHawk becomes a recurring ally to the Power Rangers with this episode. First time that BlackHawk's nudity has occurred COMPLETELY uncensored! Featured songs in this episode are “You Don't Know How it Feels; Jolly Holiday;” and “Baby, be Mine!” (Also the episode title!)

Personal Notes: This episode marks my first REAL time writing an episode on a PG-13 rated level. Prior to this, my “Power Rangers” episodes have been written at a G or PG rated level at best. But seeing as how season two is dealing with more MATURE themes, I thought that my writing should evolve to deal with those themes as well. There IS something BETWEEN BlackHawk and StarHawk, but BlackHawk is going to take his TIME getting into ANY potential relationship THIS time, and is NOT going to make the SAME mistake he made with Ebony! Expect to see the relationship DEVELOP in further episodes! / That's my episode idea for today! Enough said, true believers!

[Rebel the Wolfgirl]

CEREBUS THE AARDVARK IN…

 

“THE MANY FACES OF KHEM!”

 

Sometime after freeing the inhabitants of the town formerly known as Daltonville, Cerebus has taken the former dancer and sex slave known as Red Sophia as a traveling partner. Their gold long since spent, the two have joined a trade caravan hailing from one of the larger Acheronian city-states, intending to travel to Qin in order to sell luxury goods for a hefty cut of the profits. However, this expedition to the far east of Estarcion will lead the duo into an adventure that will bring to light an aspect of the earth-pig born that neither he nor Sophia expected to confront...

 

-------------------------------------------------------

 

It had been several weeks since Cerebus and Sophia had joined the caravan from Firenze, and they had gotten used to a more “civilized” lifestyle; one of clean beds, freshly-cooked food, and all the alcohol that they could drink and not have to pay for. And yet, things had grown stale and boring, especially for Cerebus. The aardvark did not consider himself civilized in any sense of the word, though as he had noted during his adventure in Daltonville, that applied to him and only him; those who lived in civilization deserved basic necessities (he oh-so-fondly recalled the “Shitting Spot” the now-dead Dalton brothers had set up, for one) and there would be those who would take advantage of them. This observation caused Cerebus’ mind to wander to another point: this “Green Hood” and the supposedly Sacred Prophecy that he was destined to fulfill. The aardvark, though motivated by this prophecy (along with booze and women), honestly doubted that he himself could usher in a new age for the lands of Estarcion; one where there was peace and prosperity? This was impossible in his eyes, especially as he had seen firsthand many a time where rulers grew hungry with power. He was only mortal, and just as susceptible to corruption.

 

His thoughts were interrupted by Sophia opening his door. She was dressed her usual attire of a chainmail bikini, her breasts trying desperately to breath against the silvery metal. Suffice to say, they weren’t succeeding if the chafing and slight swelling were anything to go by. She stared at Cerebus, her ocean blue eyes staring lustfully at him. The two had been lovers since they’d left Daltonville, though the sex they had was not up to Sophia’s standards (or at the very least, up to this point). In contrast to her reputation as a fierce warrior, she was almost pacifistic, preferring her words rather than her sword. Well, at least until she was pushed to her limits. And though she had, according to rumors, taken a vow of chastity so that she would not sleep with a man unless he had bested her in fair combat, she had made an exception with Cerebus. How, one might have asked? It was simple, really: exploiting the wording of her vow so that she could claim Cerebus had indeed bested her in fair combat. And so far, it was succeeding...somewhat, which brings us back to the original point: the love they made had been inadequate, at least from Sophia’s perspective. But why? Mainly because it often involved fighting and bloodshed to get to the point of lovemaking. And with Sophia’s constant horniness and near-pacifistic nature, this made things very difficult. This was why she had been grateful to join the caravan; with how well-defended it was, she and Cerebus did not need to worry about battle to fornicate. Her thoughts were interrupted, just like Cerebus’ were, by the aardvark’s piercing stare. “Yes, Sophia?” he grunted. “What is it you need?”

 

“Oh, nothing.” she purred, slowly slipping off her top.

 

Cerebus continued staring at her, not fazed at all. “...Slipping off your top does not equal ‘nothing’. It’s obvious you wish to fuck.”

 

“So what if I do?” Sophia retorted, rubbing her massive mammaries in both an attempt to seduce Cerebus and soothe the slight pain her chestbags were feeling. “Don’t you like me? I’m your giiiirl…” The aardvark slowly blinked, still not reacting to Sophia’s advances.

 

“You are not Cerebus’ ‘girl’. He does not feel that way towards you.” he answered with brutal honesty. “And moreover, Cerebus is not feeling aroused at all right now. If you ask him later, then maybe he will consider making love.”

 

Sophia was fuming now, she stared at Cerebus with an angry pout, crossing her arms over her breasts. “And pray tell, why do you feel like not making love?”

 

And so, Cerebus tried to explain about the ‘Sacred Prophecy’, which only confused Sophia the more he got into it and his concerns about the implications of such. Seeing this confusion made Cerebus grow more and more irritated, until he finally gave up out of frustration. “Cerebus swears, talking to you is like speaking to a wall at times!”

 

Immediately, Sophia burst into tears, running out of the room. Cerebus stared at the spot where she had been, immediately feeling guilty. “Sophia, wait!” he called, running after her as fast as his short little legs could carry him. She turned to him with a glare. “Listen,” the aardvark began. “Cerebus did not mean what he just said. It’s just...he is dealing with a lot right now.”

 

“I understand.” she replied. “I’ll take some of the blame for not really getting this whole Sacred Prophecy thing.”

 

“It’s alright. Prophecies are a complicated thing.” Cerebus replied. They stood in silence for a time, not saying a word until the aardvark broke the silence. “Sooo…”

 

“Sooo…” Sophia replied, idly twirling her hair.

 

“You were offering to make love to Cerebus?” the aardvark suggested.

 

Sophia gave him a large, shit-eating grin, her eyes lidding. “Why, yes. Yes I was. I’m assuming you want to take me up on that?”

 

Cerebus grinned back at her, his bulge springing forth. “Indeed, Cerebus does.” Sophia walked over to his bed, laying down and spreading her legs as she removed the bottom of her outfit. Cerebus crawled onto the bed, getting on top of Sophia and parting her lips with his length, kissing her breasts as he did so. She gasped, letting out a long lewd moan. With a smirk, Cerebus began to thrust into her, giving off his own moans. Eventually, they both climaxed, the aardvark laying on top of the woman and panting.

 

“That was fantastic.” Sophia complimented, stroking Cerebus’ fur.

 

“Thank you.” Cerebus said, licking at Sophia’s nipples idly. “Cerebus hopes he satisfied you enough.”

 

“Oh, you most certainly did.” Sophia replied with a purr. They stayed like that for a while, neither one saying anything. This gave way to slumber, and both lovers fell into a deep sleep.

 

Cerebus was immediately jolted awake from a pleasant dream of alcohol, food, and women, falling off of Sophia with a yelp, followed by an, “OW!”.  This caused Sophia to awaken in turn, and she looked around groggily.

 

“What’s going on?” she asked, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

 

“Cerebus does not know, but we’re going to find out.” the aardvark replied, grabbing his sword and dashing out of the room. Following his example, Sophia grabbed her own sword and the two were eventually able to track down the caravan’s leader, a man named Turron. He was a portly, burly man, balding and with a long, scraggly black beard. He was dressed in fine robes, made from the highest quality silk, tailored in the seafaring city of Veneto. He was currently panicking, trying to defend the cargo the caravan was carrying.

 

“Captain, what’s the matter?” Sophia asked. “Who’s attacking us?”

 

“Borealan marauders.” Turron answered. “I wanted to take an alternate route instead of going through Kievan, paying a ferry fee, and going through the lands on the outskirts of Anatolia to Qin.”

 

“So you CHOSE THE LONGER AND MORE DANGEROUS ROUTE?!” Sophia shouted. “DO YOU REALIZE YOU’LL GET US ALL KILLED!?”

 

At this, Turon broke down sobbing, much to Cerebus’ contempt. Here before him was a pitiful, sad sack of shit for a man, who was willing to risk lives in order to get to his destination, and therefore his money, faster. “The Borealans are warmongering hordes, constantly fighting each other and trying to conquer each others’ territory. There is good reason they are feared as ‘the hordes of the East’, Turron. And you did not heed those warnings. You are sad, pathetic, and you sicken Cerebus with your cowardice.” the aardvark said. “He has a good mind to take Sophia and leave you for death.”

 

“Please…” Turon begged. “Just get rid of the Borealans, I will do whatever you ask!”

 

“Whatever Cerebus asks, hmmm?”

 

“Anything at all!”

 

“You will take us back to Firenze. Do what you must, but know this: never venture through Boreala again.” the aardvark growled, before launching himself out of the caravan, sword gripped tightly, onto the grassy steppes. Before him stood a band of ten or so Borealans, all on dirty white horses and clad in heavy armor. Sophia was not far behind, her sword positioned for battle. The leader of this particular band, a man named Klog, yelled something to his warriors that Cerebus could understand. The only Borealan dialect Cerebus knew was a very ancient one, and he surmised that this man likely did not speak it; and even then, he probably wouldn’t have listened. However, Sophia knew Borealan (though not fluently), and what Klog had said immediately enraged her:

 

“MEN! We are going to slaughter this caravan, take their belongings, and capture this animal, as well as this woman! The animal will become our pet, and the woman will become our whore!” Sophia’s eyes began glowing red, and Cerebus knew very well what that meant: things were about to get very ugly, very fast. The next several minutes consisted of Cerebus and Sophia unleashing a bloodbath upon the Borealans and their horses. When the dust cleared, Cerebus and Sophia were the only ones left, the caravan having abandoned them; it was now not far into the distance, which frustrated Cerebus.

 

“Great, they’ve left us behind.” the aardvark complained. “We have no way to return to Firenze, and we will very likely die if we do not find food and water.”

 

Sophia nodded. “We’ll also need to find shelter. There’s no way we’ll survive out here in the open without succumbing to the elements.”

 

Cerebus realized something else: they were practically stuck here in Boreala, since it was landlocked with Anatolia to the east, the Borderlands to the south, the Rus Frontier to the north, and Qin to the west. He and Sophia were basically screwed over. The aardvark began pacing fervently, cursing Tarim under his breath. They had to find a way out of this. They needed a way out of this. Cerebus felt a light go off in his head, and he suddenly had an idea. It would be a risky one, but it might get them out of this, Cerebus reasoned. “The border.”

 

This surprised Sophia, who responded with a “Hmmm?”

 

“The border.” Cerebus repeated, his tone straightforward and blunt. “We venture to the border and cross the mountains into Qin. Once we get there...we’ll get to that bridge when it comes.” Sophia stared at the aardvark blankly, trying to process this information. The border between Boreala and Qin was a treacherous one, most prominently due to how mountainous it was. However, she also knew that Cerebus might have had a point to this idea; after all, there was no other way out of Boreala from where they were standing, so it was better to take the first opportunity they had to escape than to remain stranded. Still gripping her sword, Sophia gave a small nod. “Let’s go.” And off they went.

 

The two wandered for a time, living off of small animals and drinking from rivers when they could get it, with Cerebus slaughtering through many bands of Borealans. This eventually gave him a reputation among the tribes as ‘the Bloodbringer’, a title that would stick with the aardvark till he died.

 

But that is a story for another day.

 

Eventually, the two reached the base of the Khitan Mountains, the range that separated savage Boreala from civilized Qin. The mountains themselves were large gray obelisks interconnected by a winding valley of passes, its only inhabitants being tribes of beast people; what differentiated these creatures from Cerebus, as he pointed out to Sophia as they walked along the path, was that while Cerebus was a full-fledged aardvark, beast people merely had the heads and tails of animals, but entirely human bodies. Sophia was paying attention, but she was also thinking about how that it would take quite a few more days to reach Qin through the pass on foot. She decided that time would pass quickly soon enough, and that they’d be in one of the Qinese cities in no time flat. Cerebus soon fell silent, the aardvark not moving. Sophia turned to look at him, and saw his snout was moving up and down very quickly, as if he were smelling something.

 

“Uhhh, Cerebus? What are you doing?” she questioned, raising an eyebrow.

 

“Shush!” the aardvark replied. “Cerebus is smelling magic near here.” Sophia’s expression turned from confusion to a look of ‘you’ve got to be kidding’.

 

“Really. You can smell magic.” she deadpanned.

 

“Of course.” Cerebus said. “It’s an art that has taken Cerebus years to master.”

 

“All right then, Mr. Magic Smeller.” Sophia replied. “Where’s this magic coming from?” Cerebus kept sniffing the air, walking over to a nearby cave. “Oh.” Sophia muttered.

 

“The magic is coming from there.” Cerebus explained. “And...by Tarim, is that what Cerebus thinks it is?” he asked himself, taking a longer and deeper sniff. “Yes, he knows it is! The Eye of Terim!”

 

“...OK, I’m confused. Isn’t Terim the deity you worship?” Sophia asked, puzzled.

 

“Sort of.” Cerebus said. “Cerebus’ religion is...complicated, and not for the faint of heart. Now come on, he’ll try and sum it up as best as he can.”

---------------------------------

 

“In the times before time, there were two great beings: the Male Light and the Female Void. Tarim was the light and Terim was the void. The Light was the perfect individual, a unique and creative sort who made all that he touched excellent in every way. The Void was imperfect, having no imagination and sucking away everything the light made to feel validated.”

 

“...That’s pretty misogynistic if you ask me.” Sophia replied. “The Light is the creative and dominant male, while the Void is the uncreative and submissive female? Your religion is based on that?”

 

“It gets worse.” Cerebus said. “Far worse.”

 

Oh, this oughta be good.”

 

“The Light, wishing to show his dominance over the Void, decided to rape her; for that was all she was him: something that he, the superior male, needed to dominate. However, his rape of the Void ended up shattering her. And slowly, the Light realized what he had done. Out of grief, he took her shards and created the Universe. And from his blood, Tarim created humanity, and from Terim’s dust, he created feminity.”

 

Sophia was horrified; not only was Cerebus’ religion misogynistic, but its creation myth was a direct result of a cosmic rape. And to add insult to injury, it insisted on referring to men and women as if they were two different beasts. Cerebus, for his part, was visibly uncomfortable. He had grown up in a fundamentalist Tarimite community, the women having been basically raised to act as domestic slaves to the men of the town. So it was no wonder he seemed to view the two deities as equals; granted, he disrespected women, but it was mild compared to what Tarim’s religion insisted be done. Not to mention that it despised homosexuality, to the point where the people of Sand Hills Creek would burn them at the stake. “So...what does the Eye have to do with all this?”

 

“It is said that the Eye is one of the few pieces of Terim that managed to survive her rape and shattering intact. Tarim hid it in this cave so that she may be remembered.”

 

“The morality of gods are weird...your god, for example, is a rapist who regretted his decision when it was far too late, and yet his religion encourages the submission of women?” Sophia asked.

 

“The forces of the cosmos are indeed strange and alien.” Cerebus remarked. “It’s best if you don’t dwell on it.” As they continued walking, they began noticing strange, grotesque murals painted onto the cavern walls. One was of a tower (it reminded Cerebus of the Tower of the Necromancers, in fact) with what appeared to be several beams connected to it. Standing at the end of each were several animals: a turtle, a bear, an eagle, a wolf, a bat, a lion, a rat, and a fish. On another wall was a similar picture, only the animals were dead (and in gruesome detail as well), and the tower was collapsing. This filled both Cerebus and Sophia with dread, and they honestly considered running and never looking back. However, they had come this far to see if the Eye of Terim was real, and the promise of a mysterious artifact was too tempting. Besides, thought Cerebus, who knew how much it was worth? And so, they continued on. The images began to grow more and more disturbing as they did, though. There was not only a demonic thing that sat on a throne, dressed in a red cloak and backed by a stormy sky, but massive faces carved into a part of the cave, all male and one demonic, nine in all. Another one showed what appeared to be a crystal ball being formed from liquid screaming faces, surrounded by a group of snake-like humanoids. There seemed to be no rhyme nor reason to these images, as if it was all fueled by some sort of chaos.

 

Before long, Cerebus and Sophia came to a clearing in the exact center of the cave and came face to face with a nightmare-inducing sight. Several of the snake people were slumped against a nearby wall, their bodies bloody and heavily mutilated, their blood used to paint the sinister grinning face to an old man with one massive sharp tooth and swirling red eyes. Hung onto the wall were what appeared to be several wheels, with the bodies of men, women, and children all impaled on them, their eyes gouged out and their bodies positioned in a mocking crucifixion. On a raised platform was the Eye, a pinkish-red crystal ball coated in blood. Through his profuse vomiting at this disgusting ritual, Cerebus could sense something alive within the Eye of Terim. A sort of demon. Suddenly, it all made sense. The Eye of Terim was not, in fact, a part of Terim at all, but instead an object of worship by some devil-cult. Cerebus decided it had to be destroyed, otherwise, who knew who would get their hands on it? As he approached it, sword gripped tightly in his palm, a voice broke through the silence in the cave. “Greetings, travelers, have you come seeking guidance?” Sophia and Cerebus looked towards the direction of the voice to see what appeared to be a man, dressed in flowing black robes. His head, though, was that of a king cobra and his eyes were as red as those of the dark god he worshiped. Those who knew him feared him immensely. He had many names, among them the Red Cobra and the King’s Blade. He, however, preferred to be known as Set the Wrathful. “Ah, I see you are admiring my peoples’ contribution to our faith.”

 

“Contri-contribution to your faith?!” Sophia spat. “What you’ve done is sacrifice people to some dark god!”

 

“Dark god?” Set laughed, sadistic glee in his voice at the memory of all his fellow snake men and snake women sacrificing themselves in the name of the Crimson King. “My dear, the Crimson King will one day bring back the multiverse to its proper, primordial state of Discordia!”

 

“M-multiverse?” Cerebus repeated. “You lie, there are no other worlds than this.” Set glared at him, his eyes narrowing and his next words laced with a dangerous hiss.

 

“A liar? My dear earth-pig, I do not lie. Tell me, what isssss your name?”

 

“My name is Cerebus the Aardvark, snake man. I am a conqueror of many, and have braved things that would kill or terrify any man.” the aardvark replied, drawing his sword.

 

“Well, then, Cerebus…” Set hissed. “Prepare to be sacrificed to the succubus Khem!” Immediately, the Eye of Terim began glowing intensely as a shape began to emerge from it. The thing resembled a shapely woman, but it had nine heads, all resembling the ones from the cave carving. Instead of arms and legs, the “succubus” had a mass of writhing tentacles, all coated with a poisonous aphrodisiac. Cerebus immediately sprang towards Khem, as Sophia handled Set. Before Cerebus could strike her, however, Khem wrapped her tentacles around him and pulled the aardvark into a kiss, or at least that’s what it looked like. In fact, she was trying to suck out his soul to feast on it. Nothing was happening, though. Cerebus struggled to get free all the while. After several minutes, Khem pulled back in shock.

 

“You...you have no soul.” she whispered, her voice a haunting mixture of male and female voices, all in various pitches, accents, and tones. “WHY DO YOU HAVE NO SOUL?!”

 

“What...urgh...are you speaking of, demon? Cerebus grunted, still trying to get free.

 

“You literally do not have a soul.” Khem repeated. “I cannot feel one.” This sent Cerebus into a state of shock, which annoyed Khem to such a degree that she began to throttle him. Instantaneously, Sophia slashed at the demon’s tentacles, severing them and causing gallons of pulsating pinkish blood to flow out in almost-literal waves. Snapped out of his stupor, Cerebus began cutting off Khem’s heads one by one only adding to the flood of life fluid. Finally, he slice Khem’s torso in two, and the entire cave was now filled with an ocean of eldritch blood. Wading through it, Cerebus retrieved the Eye of Terim, shattering it into many pieces. Set was currently lost, presumably drowned in the blood. Sophia and Cerebus quickly escaped, riding the waves like surfers.

 

---------------

 

It had been several days since the duo had left the cave, and Cerebus had not spoken since that time. Clearly, Khem’s revelation that he literally had no soul had left a mark on him, and this worried Sophia greatly. “Cerebus?” he finally asked. “You OK?”

 

“Aye, Sophia.” the aardvark replied, saying his first words in days. “Cerebus is fine. It’s just...he literally has no soul.”

 

“So?” Sophia replied. “Does that mean anything?”

 

“Of course it does.” Cerebus said. “Cerebus was always taught that the soul was connected to everything about oneself. Personality...feelings...everything.”

 

“Oh, that’s bullshit.” Sophia said. “Your soul isn’t connected to your personality, your feelings, or anything like that. At least, that’s what I think.”

 

“You do?”

 

“Of course. So what if you don’t have a soul? That doesn’t mean you aren’t a great guy.” Cerebus tried not to blush, but immediately did so when Sophia kissed him. “You’re an asshole, Cerebus, but you know to stand up for the little guy...no offense.”

 

“N-none taken.” Cerebus replied, ignoring the unintentional backhandedness of her compliment. Sophia giggled and picked the aardvark up onto her shoulders. Eventually, they came to the border between Boreala and Qin, went through customs and paid the fee, and eventually came to a port city. The view was breathtaking, the magnificence of Oriental architecture for all to see. Eventually, the two came across a steamship, manufactured by the Empire’s largest corporation, Future Enterprises.

 

“Hello!” Sophia greeted. “Is this ship going anywhere?” she asked out of curiosity.

 

“Why, yes!” a sailor replied. “We’re going on an expedition!”

 

This piqued Cerebus’ interest. “An expedition? Where to?”

 

“Why, to the farthest reaches of the world of course!” the sailor replied. “We’re trying to see how far you can go via steam!”

 

“Well, sign us up!” Cerebus said. “How much?”

 

“400 gold pieces.” the sailor replied, Sophia paying the fee and getting onto the boat. And so, they were off, exploring whatever lay beyond Estarcion.

[TJ]

Though the show is over, today marks Team SpongeBob's 8th birthday. As celebration, I will rerun the original pilot episode and an episode from 2010 that recreates the pilot. As you'll be able to tell, there's a world of difference between the pilot in 2010 and the episode I'll post from 2017, lol. Enjoy!
 

Spoiler

 

Ep.1 "Karate Island (pt.1)"
Spongebob was practiceing karate with Sandy,when a wormhole mysteriously sucks thems in and transports them to Karate Island. "I remeber this place!" said Spongebob.
"Me...too" said Sandy.At that moment a man had walked up to them."Who are you?"they asked.'I am Shin Fu and I require your help to save Karate Island".The man told them about a guy who is going to destroy `Karate Island by causing multiple volccanoes to erupt.
"It is your destiny's to stop him" Shin Fu said.

Karate Island (pt.2)-

"Why us?" Sandy asked. "You two are the only ones who can! You guys have the power"
Shin Fu poetically said."Sandy! Spongbob!" Patrick screamed. "What are you doing here pat?" Spongebob asked. "You will need your friends" Shin Fu said.

"Wait.Are you the one who pulled me and Spongebob through the wormhole?" Sandy asked.
"Yes.I am" Shin replied. "The Volcano Lord's plan can be stopped by using this golden ball here.The golden ball can deactivate Volcanoes.I found this one within the crust of the Island" Shin Fu said.
Suddenly,the ground started shakeing! "The Volcano Lord has started to activate the volcanoes!" Shin Fu said nervously.
 

 

 

Spoiler

 

Team SpongeBob - Season 10: Crisis on Infinite Timelines

Ep.158 "2010"

The Year 2010

Bikini Bottom

As the episode begins, we see Debbie and Aria exit the time portal that they entered in the previous episode.

"Whoa..." Debbie said, looking around.

The portal closes.

"There's no turning back." Aria said.

"This is the Bikini Bottom park. I used to come here all the time as a small child." Debbie said.

"Are we really in 2010?" Aria questioned.

Debbie spots a newspaper sitting on a bench.

The two make their way through a band of running children.

"Didn't know Halloween came early!" one kid jokes, running past the two.

"Wow, people were a lot meaner in 2010." Aria said.

Debbie picks up the newspaper.

"July 27, 2010." Debbie reads.

"Victoria is going after the team in the past." Aria said.

"The first members were SpongeBob, Sandy, Shin, and Patrick." Debbie said.

"We need to safeguard them." Aria expressed.

"Sandy, SpongeBob, and Patrick are likely still living in Bikini Bottom right now." Debbie said.

"On the other hand, Shin will probably be found on Karate Island." Aria added.

Debbie pulled Aria behind some trees.

"How quick can you create a portal to Karate Island?" Debbie asked.

"Why?" Aria asked.

"Victoria is probably here in Bikini Bottom, looking to kill SpongeBob, Sandy, and Patrick. I'll handle her, and you focus on securing Shin." Debbie said.

"Alright." Aria agreed.

"And be safe." Debbie added.

"You two." Aria said, as the two hugged.

----

Karate Island Forest

On Karate Island, we see Shin and two others running through a forest.

"Think we lost them, Sara?" Shin asked.

"Hopefully. Are you okay, John?" Sara asked.

"I'm fine." John said, catching his breath.

"I'm tired of running, Shin." Sara said.

"The resistance has dwindled. Running is the only safety measure we have against the Volcano Lord's forces." Shin told her.

"We have lost so many people, Sara." John added.

"I know, but me and Shin have powers. It's time we started using them." Sara said.

"Your ice powers aren't enough to stop his troops." Shin said.

"But your magic is." Sara noted.

"I can't." Shin said, folding his arms.

"Why not?" Sara asked.

"He's been over this, Sara. Using his powers makes him evil or something." John said.

"No, it's not that exactly. It's just... when I dig into my abilities, I can feel a darkness in me. Waiting to be let out. I'll never let it out." Shin remarked.

"Then we'll always keep running." Sara remarked.

----

Bikini Bottom

SpongeBob is seen inside Barg'N-Mart.

"SpongeBob...?" a voice is heard.

SpongeBob turns around, seeing Sandy approach him.

"Sandy? Where's your air helmet?" SpongeBob asked.

"That's what I was calling you about." Sandy said.

SpongeBob checked his phone.

"Oh, sorry. I totally missed your calls." SpongeBob said.

"Well, now that we've run into each other here, I guess I can tell you. I got surgical gills." Sandy revealed.

"Wow, I'm happy for you." SpongeBob said.

"Yeah, makes eating a krabby patty easier when I'm not in my treedome." Sandy laughed.

SpongeBob nodded.

"Are you... okay lately?" Sandy asked.

"What do you mean?" SpongeBob questioned.

"I don't know. Your aura's different. You've hardly returned my calls..." Sandy listed.

"I'm sorry, Sandy. I guess I have been a little lost lately... emotionally." SpongeBob stated.

"So, what's the matter?" Sandy asked.

"Nothing. That's the problem. I just feel like I have nothing going on lately. It's the same grind. Work, sit at home, more work." SpongeBob admitted.

"I see. What if I had a solution for you?" Sandy asked.

"What would that be?" SpongeBob asked.

"It's been a really long time since you let me train you in karate. Why don't we start that back up?" Sandy asked.

"I don't know. What would that do for me?" SpongeBob asked.

"Oh come on. Not only is it stress relieving, but it's something for you to focus on besides work and home." Sandy noted.

"Hmm, maybe you're right." SpongeBob said.

"Great! After you get off your shift at the Krusty Krab, come by my treedome." Sandy said.

"HOLY CLAMS!" SpongeBob said, jumping up.

"What's wrong?" Sandy asked.

"Totally forgot about my shift, I have to go now!" SpongeBob said, dropping his basket full of groceries.

"You forgot your - "

"SEE YOU LATER." SpongeBob shouted, as ran out of the store.

"That crazy square dude." Sandy said, chuckling.

----

We see the inside of SponegBob's home, as an icy gust blasts the door open.

Victoria walks in, with the trident in hand.

"Oh SpongeBobbbb!" Victoria calls out.

Victoria stops for a second.

"CRAP!" Victoria said, realizing she'd stepped in snail slime.

"He has a pet snail?" Victoria asked herself, annoyed.

At that moment, we see Debbie enter the house.

"VICTORIA! STOP!" Debbie shouted.

Victoria turned around.

"Debbie! I knew there was someone missing back at the temple." Victoria said.

"I followed you through the time portal you opened. Now give me the scepter before you do anymore damage." Debbie said.

"This trident belongs to me now." Victoria said.

"Because you murdered Triton." Debbie said.

"And isn't it a good thing I did? He was unworthy of this power. He wouldn't of had what it takes to rule. He was held back by emotions, by feelings. Fortunately, he stripped me of my personhood." Victoria told her.

"He killed you, and brought you back to life using the Dark Jewel." Debbie inferred.

"The best thing he could of done for me." Victoria said.

"All he did was create a successor to his craziness. He played with a force he couldn't control. The Divine Jewels." Debbie said.

"NO! ME!" Victoria replied, shooting an ice gust at Debbie.

Debbie hit the wall, pinned by ice.

"Victoria, don't do this!" Debbie said, struggling to get out.

"Looks like SpongeBob's not here. No matter, because I think I know where he'd be found otherwise." Victoria said.

"Victoria, please..." Debbie tried to beg.

"And I will kill him, and then I'll kill Sandy, and then Team SpongeBob will be erased from the face of history. There will be no one left to stop me." Victoria said, smiling.

"This isn't over." Debbie said.

"My associates will make sure that it is." Victoria said.

"What does that mea - "

Brock and Amy enter the house.

"They are now loyal to me. Kill her, while I find SpongeBob." Victoria said.

"It'll be our honor." Amy said.

Victoria left out.

"How are you two here? Team SpongeBob beat you guys silly. You were all passed out on the ground at the temple." Debbie said.

"Victoria didn't travel to 2010 first. She traveled one day into the future." Amy said.

"That's where she announced herself as our new leader, and that she'd slain Triton." Brock explained.

"So, how does this even work? You guys, Clarissa, and Jonathan all just blindly follow the next crazy lunatic in line?" Debbie questioned.

"Victoria is deranged. She's no longer a real person anymore." Amy said.

"And you don't play with the devil." Brock added.

"So you guys decided to follow after her because you're all scared?" Debbie asked.

"Our motivations still haven't changed. We want to be here after the rebirth of the world. To rule as kings and queens." Brock said.

"Yeah, and it doesn't matter if it's Triton leading us there OR Victoria." Amy said.

"Now, how would you like to die?" Brock asked, creating a green energy beam in his hands.

Amy pulled out her stilettos. 

Debbie gulped, still struggling to break free of the ice.

----

Karate Island

"Remember guys, non poisonous berries this time." Sara said.

Sara, Shin, and John were scavenging for food through the forest.

"Worst part about being on the run? The constant hunger." John quipped.

As Sara, Shin, and John came into an opening with several tall trees, Shin got a weird vibe.

"Something's off..." Shin said.

Suddenly, from on top of the trees, men with guns dropped down.

"IT WAS A TRAP!" Sara screamed.

One of the men took off his mask.

"Hello, Shin." the man said.

"Smit - the leader of Volcano Lord's forces!" Shin said, recognizing him.

"The three of you are among the most wanted of Karate Island's resistance movement." Smit said.

"Volcano Lord is SCARED of our power! There's few people like me and Shin on this island." Sara stated.

"True. The idea of metafish... people with extraordinary abilities... it still fascinates me." Smit said.

"So you know that we won't go easily." Sara remarked.

"But you'll still go!" Smit threatened.

"Shin, you have to use your powers!" Sara said.

"I will!" Shin replied.

"KILL THEM!" Smit yelled, as the men raised their guns.

"TIME TO FIGHT!" John said, pulling out his own pistol.

The men started shooting, as Sara used her ice powers to make a shield.

Shin shot bolts of dark energy.

John shot his way through multiple guys, coming close to Smit.

Smit used an array of karate moves to knock the gun out of John's hand and to pin him to the ground.

John tripped Smit with his legs.

Both men got up and began to throw punches.

Sara shot more icicles at the guys, taking down most of them.

One guy grazed Sara with a bullet.

"OWW!" Sara yelled.

"SARA!" Shin shouted.

"Shin's eyes were engulfed by blackness, as he roared the way a demon would.

Shin released a wide array of dark energy, which knocks down Sara, John, and the standing goons.

".. Shin?" John asked, clenching his stomach.

Shin's face now had glowing red markings.

"SHIN! You can fight this. Come on!" Sara said, standing up and walking over to him.

"BACK AWAY." Shin shouted trying to contain himself.

Smit began laughing as he sat up.

"What the hell is so funny?" John asked.

"The fact that you thought we'd come alone to face metas." Smit said.

Suddenly, Clarissa and Jonathan Jacks walked into the forest opening.

Sara and Shin turned around, as John walked over to the two.

"Who the hell are they?" John asked.

"Shin Fu... am I correct? So nice to finally meet the legend himself." Clarissa said.

Shin roared again, getting ready to use his powers.

Shin ran ahead to the two, aiming to kill.

"Clarissa, quickly!" Jonathan said.

Clarissa released her clam cry.

The sonic scream caused Shin to pause, as he passed out from the pain.

Sara and John were shocked.

"That's... impossible." Sara said.

"Who the hell is she?" John asked aloud.

"I don't know, but she's about to be dead!" Sara said, shooting an icicle.

Clarissa released another clam cry, shattering the icicle.

Jonathan then used his telekinesis to completely control the bodies of both Sara and John.

"Look at these fine specimens!" Jonathan said, laughing.

"The girl is a meta. What year is this again?" Clarissa asked.

"2010." Jonathan replied.

"Karate Island won't be populated by those for another two or so years. She's a rare one." Clarissa said.

"What are the two of you talking about?" Sara asked, as she and John were still hanging in the air.

"None of your concerns." Jonathan said.

"We're taking Shin." Clarissa said.

"Over our dead bodies!" John shouted.

"Good idea! I hate loose ends!" Jonathan said, using his powers to smack their bodies into each other.

Both Sara and John were now knocked out as well.

Smit walked over to them.

"I'll wake up my guys. You two just tie up the criminals. And as per our deal, you guys get Shin, but the Volcano Lord gets the other two." Smit said.

"Plans changed. We're killing all three." Jonathan said.

"Excuse me? No one walks back on a deal with Volcano Lord. He'll kill you!" Smit said.

"Did you just see what we can do? He's no match for us." Clarissa said.

"Besides, we won't be in this time for much longer." Jonathan said, smiling.

"God, you're a couple of weirdos." Smit said.

Faraway, Aria was seen watching from behind a tree.

"Oh no..." Aria said, worried.

----

Bikini Bottom

Inside SpongeBob's house, we see Amy and Brock readying to kill Debbie.

"WAIT! You guys have to have some kind of reservations about all of this." Debbie said.

"None at all." Amy said.

"Aren't you a little tired of being low lives... lackeys... henchmen?" Debbie asked.

"All of that won't matter soon enough." Brock said.

"Victoria's lying. She's not gonna let you become kings and queens in her new world. Triton wasn't either. Both of them - TRUST ME, were planning to kill the rest of E.V.I.L." Debbie told them.

"You don't know that for sure!" Amy argued.

"I don't. I just needed time to do THIS!" Debbie said, finally garnering enough strength to break out of the ice.

Debbie speeded over to Amy, punching her across the room.

Debbie then turns to her side and backhands Brock across the floor.

"I'm the Universal Guardian, dumb asses! You can't beat me!" Debbie said.

"Not unless we make the playing field fair!" Amy said, quickly tossing two small needles at Debbie's leg.

"HEY!" Debbie shouted, kneeling.

Amy stood up.

"Wha- what was in that?" Debbie asked, pulling the needles out.

"Dopamine Depletion Serum. Not enough to completely depower you, but enough to make this fight a fair one!" Amy said.

Brock stood up.

"Ready to go?" Brock asked, cockily.

Debbie raced toward him, grabbing him up and crashing both of them through SpongeBob's house ceiling.

Debbie flies Brock into the sky.

Brock shoots an energy beam at her which separates the two

Both of them fly around in the sky, shooting energy beams at each other.

Amy runs out of the house, seeing the sky-based fight.

"I don't have time for you! I need to get to the Krusty Krab!" Debbie said, flying away from him.

Brock chases Debbie, as she makes a turn above Bikini Bottom Forest to throw him off.

Brock seemingly vanishes, but has actually taken a shortcut.

Brock intercepts a distracted Debbie, blasting her with a massive energy beam.

Debbie falls all the way down to the forest ground.

Brock lands near her, as she lifts herself up from her crash site.

Brock shoots another beam, which blasts Debbie into a small tree.

"Uhh!" Debbie screams in pain.

"Give it up, Universal Guardian!" Brock yells, walking over to her.

Debbie gets a deranged look in her eyes, as she summons her inner strength.

Debbie turns around and grabs the small tree.

"What is she doing...?" Brock asked himself.

"AHHHHH!" Debbie yelled.

Debbie ripped the small tree right out of the ground.

"Oh my shit!" Brock said, flabbergasted.

As Debbie rose into the air with the tree,  as she turned around and threw it straight at Brock.

Brock shot a massive energy beam at the tree, as a huge explosion erupted through the forest.

"I'll be back for you!" Debbie said, flying away.

----

We now see SpongeBob walking into the Krusty Krab.

"SPONGEBOB, LATE??? What a kodak moment! Too bad I didn't bring my camera. Hahaha." Squidward said, laughing from behind his cash register.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah Squiddy." SpongeBob said, looking depressed.

A fry cook came out of the back room.

"Good you're here. I've been waiting forever to get off my shift." the man said.

"Sorry dude." SpongeBob said, heading into the back.

SpongeBob threw some patties on the grill, as Squidward turned around.

"You seem unusually down. Are you worried about Krabs noticing your tardiness? If you must know, he isn't here. His daughter, Pearl, is having an archery competition." Squidward revealed.

"... And Krabs went to that?" SpongeBob asked.

"He placed bets with the other parents on which child was gonna win." Squidward said.

"Ahhh, that sounds more like him." SpongeBob said, laughing.

"There's that annoying laugh that I hate with every fiber in my being." Squidward said.

"Yeahhh, felt good to do that." SpongeBob said.

"Whoa... " Squidward said.

"What?" SpongeBob asked, flipping patties.

"Patrick's here." Squidward said.

"WHAT?" SpongeBob asked.

SpongeBob ran out into the diner, seeing Patrick sitting at a table.

"Oh, SpongeBob. Hey there." Patrick said, sitting a bookbag on the chair next to him.

"Patrick, wow. No one has seen you around in weeks. Every time I come by to visit, I never get an answer." SpongeBob said, sitting at the table.

"Yeah, there's a reason for that." Patrick said.

"Oh?" SpongeBob asked.

"I've been taking some classes at a college in Bikini Drive." Patrick said.

"Really? Why so?" SpongeBob asked.

"For years, I've been made fun of for being dumb, oblivious, and slow. The truth is, I'm none of those things. It took me a long time to start turning off those negative thoughts in my head. All thanks to the guidance from my therapist, Helen Swatson." Patrick revealed.

"I never thought you were dumb." SpongeBob said, touching Patrick's hand.

"Thanks. I have a learning disorder, but I'm overcoming it. Years ago, I decided against going to college. I thought I could never be 'smart' enough. Man, was that bogus." Patrick said, shaking his head.

"I'm proud of you, Patrick." SpongeBob said, smiling.

Suddenly, a young girl came into the restaurant.

"Are you an employee here?" the girl asked, seeing SpongeBob's hat.

"Oh, yes. What's up?" SpongeBob asked, standing up.

"I'm here to start my shift!" the girl said, awkwardly.

"Shift? What shift? We didn't hire anyone new." SpongeBob said.

Squidward walked over to them.

"I'm Analise. Analise Rogers." Analise said, nervous.

"SpongeBob, I guess you didn't get the memo. Krabs hired her last week." Squidward said.

"Geez, how old are you?" SpongeBob asked.

"14!" Analise said, excitedly.

"Damn, I didn't know we hired that young." SpongeBob said.

"We hardly hire at all." Squidward quipped.

"I have my working papers - and my dad's a congressman. If that's of any consideration." Analise said.

"You're fine to start." Squidward said, nodding.

"Okay, great!" Analise said.

"Aren't you on shift?" Patrick asked.

"Krabs must of mistakenly scheduled our shifts at the same time." SpongeBob said.

"Ya know, Sponge... you do seem like you need some time off. Why don't you just go?" Squidward told him.

"I do have some plans with Sandy.

"Are you two finally dating?" Squidward asked.

"WHAT?!? No, we're just doing some karate practice." SpongeBob said.

"How about I give you a ride to her place? We could have time to catch up." Patrick offered.

"Cool." SpongeBob said, as he and Patrick left.

"Alright, follow me." Squidward said to Analise.

----

Karate Island

Clarissa and Jonathan had taken Shin, Sara, and John to the edge of a cliff.

The three heroes were on their knees with their backs facing the edge of the cliff.

Their hands were also tied in tight binds.

"Welcome to your deathbeds." Jonathan said.

"Are we ready here?" Smit said, walking into the area.

"Yes we are. You can take their dead bodies back to Volcano Lord if you please." Clarissa said.

"Well that's... a compromise." Smit said.

"I don't understand... who are the two of you?" Shin asked to Clarissa and Jonathan.

"My name is Clarissa and he's Jonathan. There, enough said." Clarissa spoke.

"Not enough said! We've literally never heard of anyone on the island like the two of you." Sara said, wiggling her wrists.

"Shin, your magic can get us out of here, if you just try." John whispered.

"I can't. I can't lose control again." Shin said, shedding tears.

"Enough talk. I'm ready to kill you all." Clarissa said.

"With that annoying voice of yours? Cute." Sara said.

Suddenly, Sara was shot.

Everyone gasped.

Smit was revealed to have pulled the trigger.

"She always annoyed me." Smit said.

"Well that's one down." Clarissa said, giggling.

"NOOOOO, SARA, NOOOO!" John said, crying.

"You bastards!" Shin yelled.

Sara's body was bleeding out.

"I - I... I'm not afr-aid of de-ath." Sara said, struggling to talk.

"That's nice. You'll still succumb in a few moments." Clarissa said.

"Clarissa! Enough! Use your clam cry and kill the rest." Jonathan said.

"Fine." Clarissa said.

As Clarissa was about to scream, a small rock hit the side of her head.

"WATCH YOUR MOUTH!" a voice was heard.

Aria was seen coming out of a portal.

Aria quickly used a magic spell to produce binds around Clarissa's mouth.

Aria then shot at her with dark energy, knocking her down.

"I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE!" Smit said, running off.

Aria and Jonathan came face to face.

"Ms. Magic. What brings you to this year?" Jonathan asked, with a slight laugh.

"Stopping you and your band of geeks from destroying the timeline." Aria snided.

"sdnib rieht esaeler" Aria casted a spell.

Shin, Sara, and John's binds were released.

"Sara!" John said, running by Sara's side, laying her flat on the ground.

"I'll b-e o-kay..." Sara said, breathing heavy.

"You look very familiar..." Shin said, coming by her side.

"You have no idea." Aria said, now turning her attention back to Jonathan.

"What you don't know about me is that my powers are more expansive than you can believe. Moving objects with my mind? That's the tip of the iceberg. I am able to manipulate gravitational forces in ways that would make you quake in your dreams." Jonathan said, in a sinister tone.

"Oh I've had lots of nightmares in my life... never one about you." Aria said.

Aria and Shin both shot at Jonathan with dark energy.

Jonathan used his powers to scatter the energy through gravitational waves.

"That's new..." Aria said, widening her eyes.

Jonathan then produced a gravitational wave that pushed Aria and Shin back.

"I told you I had more power than you could conceive!" Jonathan said.

All of a sudden, Jonathan was struck by a dagger.

Aria and Shin stood up, as both look over to John.

"All that power... but too lazy to pay attention." John said, standing up.

Aria used dark energy to increase the pressure on the dagger.

"OWWW!" Joanthan screamed, clenching his wound.

"peels ot mih dnes" Aria casted a spell, putting Jonathan to sleep.

"HELP HER!" John screamed, bending down by Sara again.

Shin ran by Sara's side, casting a spell on her wound.

"tuo tellub eht llup" Shin casted, as the bullet was pulled out.

Sara began to pass out.

"Sara! Sara!" John and Shin both yelled.

Aria knelt down and felt her head.

"She'll make it. The bodily shock combined with magic sent her into rest." Aria said.

"I need to take her back to the resistance hideout." John said.

"I'm going back with you." Shin said.

"No! You need to go on, and complete the mission. End Volcano Lord. She'd want you to." John pleaded.

"Alright. Only if you're sure." Shin said.

"I'm sure. We'll converge at a later time." John said, picking up Sara's body.

"Good luck." Aria said.

"Take care of him." John said, taking off.

----

Bikini Bottom

A woman is seen walking into the Krusty Krab.

"Welcome to the Krusty Krab, can I take your order." Squidward asked, in his usual dry voice.

"I'm kind of new in town. We don't have a Krusty Krab where I come from." the woman said.

"Wait a minute! You're Sun Chang - I read your blog! You have such a fine appreciation for art." Squidward said, excitedly.

"Aww, thanks. And yes, I am Sun." Sun said.

"What are you doing here in Bikini Bottom?" Squidward asked.

"I'm here on a business trip for Paradye Industries. I'll be returning to New Kelp City tomorrow. Which is a good thing, because I miss my boys - Kwang and Peter." Sun explained.

"So, anything in particular you wanna try?" Squidward asked.

"I heard you guys had a Mermaid Man krabby patty?" Sun asked.

"Yeah, it was a special. We don't sell it anymore." Squidward told her.

"Why not?" Sun asked.

"Mermaid Man hasn't been active in the city since early 2009. He's soooo last year. No one cares about him anymore." Squidward said.

"Well, whoever Mermaid Man was under that mask, I hope the guy is okay." Sun said.

At that moment, an ice gust blasts apart the glass doors to the Krusty Krab.

Victoria entered, inciting terror.

"WHERE IS HE? WHERE IS HE!?????" Victoria yelled, shooting icicles everywhere.

Squidward, Analise, Sun, and the other customers all ran out of the restaurant.

Victoria held up the trident, using the power of the Dark Jewel to completely blast apart the wall dividing the back of the restaurant.

"He's not here! I'm getting tired of missing him!" Victoria said.

Suddenly, Debbie crashed into the resturant through the roof.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Debbie yelled.

"You should be dead!" Victoria said.

"Then you should of finished the job." Debbie replied.

"I won't make that mistake again." Victoria threatened.

Sandy's Treedome

We see SpongeBob entering Sandy's treedome.

"Too bad you can't get surgical lungs." Sandy joked, seeing SpongeBob wearing his water helmet.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are we going to get to practice or not?" SpongeBob asked.

"Who dropped you off?" Sandy asked.

"Oh, that was Pat." SpongeBob said.

"Pat? Where's he been lately?" Sandy asked. 

"College." SpongeBob said.

"Really? Wow, well it's good that he's doing something positive." Sandy said.

"Agreed." SpongeBob said.

"Krabs let you off early or something?" Sandy asked.

"Nah, some new kid had the same shift as me. So, Squid suggested I take the break." SpongeBob said.

"Well here's hoping that a lil karate can get you into a good mood!" Sandy remarked.

"Yeah, let's get started." SpongeBob said, smiling.

Krusty Krab

Back at the Krusty Krab, we see Debbie and Victoria standing face to face.

"Victoria, remember when we first met? In that F.I.N prison? We were friends. Or close enough." Debbie remarked.

"We were cell mates. You were more an annoyance than anything else." Victoria stated.

"Fine. What about Tomoya? Your son, remember?" Debbie asked.

"Of course, I just don't care. When this world burns - or rather, frosts... Tomoya will be a casualty. Nothing more, nothing less." Victoria stated, simply.

"You cold hearted witch!" Debbie remarked.

"They don't call me the Ice Queen for nothing." Victoria said.

Debbie rushed over to her, punching her into the cash register.

Victoria shoots an ice gust, pushing Debbie back.

Debbie shoots an energy beam, but Victoria counters with a dark energy blast.

The resulting collision blasts both women backwards.

Victoria quickly rushes over to Debbie, grabbing her up by the neck.

"Time for you to cool down." Victoria quipped.

Victoria began to freeze her body.

Debbie quickly headbutts Victoria, as she goes flying into the cieling.

Debbie flies up, grabbing Victoria's chest.

Victoria uses the Power Jewel to blast Debbie back down.

Debbie is blasted into a table, acquiring multiple splinters.

Debbie, feeling weakened, tries to crawl away. 

Victoria grabs Debbie's cape, spins her around, and flings her to a wall.

"UHHH!" Debbie groaned.

"Even you can't beat the power of the Divine Jewels, Debbie!" Victoria said.

Victoria raised the scepter again, using the Power Jewel to shoot a powerful energy beam at Debbie.

Debbie screamed as the energy beam began to tear through her body.

"Time for the Universal Guardian to die!" Victoria said, keeping up the energy blast.

All of a sudden, beams of energy come from a shadowed figure standing outside.

The beams completely destroy the trident, as a power surge blasts Victoria back.

"WHAT?" Victoria questioned, lifting up.

Debbie was shocked, as the three Divine Jewels from inside the trident were seen flinging into the air.

Debbie flew up and caught them.

"NOOOO!" Victoria screamed.

Debbie shot an energy beam at Victoria, knocking her out.

"It's over." Debbie said, landing back to the floor.

----

Karate Island

Aria and Shin enter a cave ontop of the mountains.

"Who are you?" Shin asked, sitting down on a platform.

Aria turned to him, wanting to speak.

Suddenly, Aria was interrupted by a phone call.

"Hello?" Aria answered.

"ARIA! I have Victoria and Brock in custody, along with the Divine Jewels in my possession." Debbie said.

"Whoa, you've been busy." Aria said. "Where are you now?" Aria asked.

"Bikini Bottom Forests. Have you found Shin?" Debbie asked.

"Yes. I've also detained Clarissa and Jonathan. Shin's safe." Aria said.

"Amy's still out there. And I have no idea where Sandy, Patrick, and SpongeBob are." Debbie said.

"I have an idea." Aria said.

"What?" Debbie asked.

"I'll have Shin bring them here to the island." Aria said.

"I wonder why he hasn't already? Today is July 27, 2010. That's the date Shin brought them to Karate Island." Debbie said.

"Maybe we have something to do with that?" Aria suggested.

"What? Like a time loop?" Debbie asked.

"No, a causal loop. I'll explain later. Hang tight." Aria said, hanging up.

"What the hell is going on?" Shin asked, standing up.

"Shin, I can explain..." Aria said.

"And how do you know my name?" Shin asked.

Aria struggled to get the words out.

"And why... why do you look like my little sister?" Shin asked, massively confused.

"Because I am her." Aria said, with her voice cracking.

"No... no... my sister is just a child. A young kid." Shin said.

"Shin! We have the same magic. You know who I am." Aria said, manipulating dark energy with her fingertips.

"Aria??? How???" Shin questioned.

"Time travel." Aria told him.

"That's not possible with magic. Even magic obeys certain laws of physics." Shin said.

"It wasn't magic." Aria said.

"Then what was it? How are you here?" Shin asked.

"A dangerous woman used a very secretive and ancient power source to rip open a portal through time." Aria said.

"Why would this woman do that?" Shin asked.

"She wanted to kill you. That's why her lackeys were here." Aria revealed.

"Whoa... so those two back there, Clarissa and Jonathan... they were from a different time." Shin guessed.

"Yes." Aria confirmed.

"I knew they weren't native here." Shin said.

"To this time, but their younger selves unfortunately exist on this island as we speak." Aria said, softly.

"Why would this woman and her lackeys want to kill me in the past?" Shin questioned.

"To prevent you from forming a team. A team that goes on to change this island - and the world. A team I eventually become a part of." Aria tells him.

"What team?" Shin asked.

"History will call us Team SpongeBob. A beacon of hope, a prerequisite to the new age of heroes." Aria revealed.

"The way you're looking at me... it's like, it's like you're staring at a ghost." Shin said.

Aria tried hard to hold back her tears, but the emotion was all over her face.

"Aria, come here." Shin said softly, trying to hug here.

"NO! Don't!" Aria said, backing up, and clenching her eyes shut.

"What happens in the future?" Shin asked.

"I'm sorry, Shin. You died." Aria said, breaking down into tears.

Shin felt numb.

"I had to confess this to you, because I couldn't live with myself if I never got the chance to tell you that I am so sorry. For what I did, for the pain I caused you, and for the harm I brought to you." Aria said, crying intensely.

"Aria! Aria! Stop it!" Shin said, as she kept sobbing. "Stop it!" Shin said, grabbing onto her arms.

"I was complicit in the events that led to your death. I have not stopped feeling guilty about it." Aria said, shaking her head.

Shin wiped her tears.

"Aria, Aria listen to me. You feel all this guilt, so that must mean you made a mistake. Whatever you did, it wasn't you. It wasn't this emotional, guilt ridden woman standing before me. That's enough for me to forgive you." Shin said, shedding a tear himself.

"After all of it, I tried to be a hero. To honor you and your memory. To apologize." Aria said.

"You've obviously joined this... uhh... Team SpongeBob. You said this team pioneers a new age, that they change the world. So, you must be hero. And trust me, that team believes it too." Shin told her.

Aria nodded.

Shin hugged her tightly.

The two departed.

"So, what do you need me to do, right now?" Shin asked.

"You need to use your magic to summon three people to this island. SpongeBob Squarepants, Sandy Cheeks, and Patrick Star." Aria told him.

"Why are these people important?" Shin asked.

"They're... chosen ones, I would say." Aria said, with a slight chuckle.

"Do the four of us form Team SpongeBob?" Shin asked.

"Yes. Only they have the power to help you defeat the Volcano Lord." Aria revealed.

"I'll summon them." Shin agreed.

Shin suddenly had an odd look.

"What's wrong?" Aria asked.

"Knowing all this future information. It's dangerous." Shin said.

"You're right. I let my emotions get the best of me." Aria said.

"Runs in the family, I guess. That's why I'm so afraid to over extend my powers. Just using them to a low scale can be too much." Shin said.

"Shin, I'm not gonna lie. You'll face plenty of darkness within yourself because of these powers. But, in the end, you were a hero. A legend." Aria said.

"That guy called you Ms. Magic, before. Do I have a cool codename?" Shin asked.

"No, but... I've always thought you'd like Mr. Magic." Aria suggested.

"Mr. Magic. I love it." Shin said, smiling.

"We do have to do something about you knowing all this future information." Aria said.

"You're right. I think you should use a memory spell." Shin suggested.

"Messing with the mind is the most dangerous form of magic." Aria warned.

"We don't really have a choice. I have a mini-handheld spellbook. We can work this out." Shin said, pulling a small spellbook out of his robes.

Bikini Bottom Forests

Victoria and Brock were tied up next to a tree.

"I should of tied the both of you up on the tree. Like you did to Bonnie." Debbie referenced.

"Clarissa did that to Bonnie." Brock said.

"Whatever." Debbie replied.

"You're so cute, you know that, Debbie? You honestly think you've won." Victoria said, laughing.

"There's one more Divine Jewel still out there, but once we return to 2017, me and my team will find it. On the flip side, you and yours will be sitting in prison for the rest of your miserable lives." Debbie said, smiling.

"After this is all done with, and the smoke settles, I promise you won't have any jewels." Victoria told her.

Debbie looked at her oddly.

"Say, where do you think Amy got off to?" Debbie asked.

"She could be anywhere. She could be murdering Sandy and SpongeBob as we speak." Victoria said.

"Wouldn't you like that. They'd put up a great fight." Debbie said.

"Their 2017 selves, yes. But, Sandy and SpongeBob in 2010 are not battle trained or battle hardened. Meanwhile, Amy has years of experience with her own style and theirs." Victoria noted.

Debbie gulped.

"You should be scared. Once they are dead, you'll be erased from existence - in this form at least." Victoria said, looking at Debbie's costume.

"Oh crap! I know the one place I haven't checked yet!" Debbie said, happily.

"Where?" Brock asked.

"You two hang tight!" Debbie said, blasting off into the sky.

Karate Island

"Alright, you got the spell down?" Shin asked.

"Yes." Aria said.

"Great." Shin smiled.

"After this is done, the only thing that you will remember is that you need to summon SpongeBob, Sandy, and Patrick to Karate Island. That their destinies are to save this island from the Volcano Lord. To you, they will be the chosen ones." Aria told him.

"Alright, well take out all the rest." Shin joked.

"That is quite literally what I'm going to do." Aria said.

Shin nodded.

Aria began to get teary eyed again.

"Goodbye, brother." Aria said.

"See you later." Shin said, from his point of reference.

Both of them smiled at each other.

Shin kissed her on the forehead.

Aria touched the side of Shin's head, beginnning to cast the spell.

Shin closed his eyes, and it felt like his mind was floating for a moment. 

When he opened his eyes, Aria was gone and he'd forgotten everything that occurred aside from the simple command.

"I need to summon them..." Shin said, looking intense.

Bikini Bottom

Amy was seen walking toward Sandy's treedome.

Spongebob was seen practicing karate with Sandy.

"GOTTA BE QUICKER ON THE UPTAKE!" Sandy shouted.

"Trust me, I'm QUICK ENOUGH!" SpongeBob said, avoiding Sandy's blows and attempting to trip her by the feet.

Sandy hopped to avoid his legs, and then performed a backflip.

"Such an obvious move! Come onnnn! Show me that you know kah-rah-tay!" Sandy said, mocking his speech.

"I know plenty KAH-RAH-TAY!" SpongeBob said, trying to strike at her again.

From outside, Amy was still seen walking toward the treedome.

"Time for you guys to die." Amy said, pulling out multiple stiletto knives.

Suddenly, a portal forms inside the treedome.

"SPONGEBOB, LOOK!" Sandy said.

"Is that... a portal?" SpongeBob asked.

The portal began to emit a gravitational pull.

Sandy and SpongeBob tried to run, but their bodies were pulled in.

"Ahhhh!" SpongeBob screamed, as his water helmet popped off.

Outside, Amy was confused about what just occurred.

At that moment, Debbie landed behind Amy.

Amy turned around.

"Yeah, TOO LATE." Debbie said, punching her out.

Karate Island

SpongeBob and Sandy awaken inside the cave.

"SpongeBob..." Sandy asked, sitting up.

"Where are we?" SpongeBob asked.

"I don't know." Sandy said, helping SpongeBob stand.

SpongeBob and Sandy exit the cave, coming out onto the cliff.

Looking around, SpongeBob realized where they were.

"I remember this place!" SpongeBob said.

"Me... too. Karate Island. " Sandy said.

At that moment, Shin came from inside the cave, approaching them. 

"Thought I'd give you two a minute to take all of this in." Shin said.

"Who are you?" Sandy asked.

"What she said." SpongeBob said.

"I am Shin Fu, and I require your help to save Karate Island. 

"Yeah, okay... this is totally nuts!" Sandy remarked.

"It's not. You just came here through a portal. This is real." Shin said.

"I don't know about this, dude." SpongeBob said.

"Please, come inside the cave. We shouldn't talk out in the open." Shin said.

Sandy and SpongeBob followed him back into the cave.

"You have five minutes. Then we're going home. With or without your help." Sandy said.

"This island has changed. It has become a dictatorship. A man with incredible terra-forming based powers invaded the ranks of the island government and military. He slaughtered people, brainwashed more." Shin told them.

"What is he planning?" SpongeBob asked.

"To end this island." Shin said.

"A rebirth?" Sandy asked.

"Yes. He'll start by creating and activating volcanoes - and he'll cover this island with lava. Out of the molten, he'll carve a new island for his own liking." Shin informed them.

"This sounds like really bad fan fiction. Who would ever read a piece of fan fiction like that?" Sandy questioned.

"I could see it becoming a good fan fiction in a few chapters." SpongeBob said.

"After a few hundred chapters, more like it." Sandy replied.

"Anyways, it is your destinies to stop him." Shin Fu said.

"Why us?" Sandy asked. 

"You two are the only ones who can! You guys have the power." Shin said, trying to remember why himself.

"Sandy! Spongebob!" Patrick screamed, running into the cave

Sandy and SpongeBob were shocked.

"What are you doing here, Pat?" Spongebob asked.

"You will need your friends" Shin Fu said.

"Wait. Are you the one who pulled me and Spongebob through the portal?" Sandy asked.

"Yes. Using magic." Shin confirmed.

"Man, I was on my way to my classes when that portal sucked me through!" Patrick complained.

"Patrick, this island is in trouble. Shin here, is asking us to save it." SpongeBob told him.

"I'm in!" Patrick said.

"Just like that?" Sandy questioned.

"Yup. College was kind of getting boring." Patrick said.

"Wow." SpongeBob said.

"I'm in." Sandy said, nodding.

"So am I." SpongeBob added.

"Great, then we're some kind of... team." Shin said, trying to remember something he couldn't.

"Team SpongeBob." SpongeBob said, nodding proudly.

"Oh please." Sandy said, shaking her head.

"Alright, so how do we stop the Volcano Lord's plan?" SpongeBob asked.

----

Bikini Bottom Forests

A portal opens in the forest, as Aria walks out with Clarissa and Jonathan, who are still in binds.

"Sorry if I took too long. Had to track down two of Shin's friends and alter their memories." Aria said.

"Great. Now we can send these fools back to 2017." Debbie said, pulling the Time Jewel out of her bra.

"Great spot." Aria said, with a giggle.

"There was nowhere else." Debbie said, raising her eyebrows.

"I really do hope you find your friends. After all, I scattered them across time. I wonder what kind of damage they'll do to history if they stay in the wrong time period for too long." Victoria said, baiting Debbie.

"Shut the ever-loving fuck up!" Debbie said, finally erupting.

"Send them home. We have to go after our team. Wherever they may be." Aria said.

Debbie tapped into the Time Jewel, using it's power to open a portal to 2017.

"GO!" Debbie yelled at E.V.I.L.

The five villains stepped through, as Debbie closed the portal.

"You know what's weird?" Debbie said.

"What?" Aria asked.

"Victoria didn't go to 2010 straight away. When she first opened the portal that we went through, she traveled one day into the future to gather E.V.I.L." Debbie told her.

"You're saying that fate brought us to 2010? That July 27, 2010 is a date that might hold some special significance in the cosmic sense?" Aria asked.

"Maybe this day is significant to the space time continuum. I don't know. What I do know is our team is still lost to time." Debbie said.

"Use the Time Jewel to direct you to the team. The same way you used it to open a portal to 2017." Aria said.

Debbie once again tapped into the jewel's power, opening a portal.

"Could this be it?" Aria asked.

"We'll never find out by just standing here." Debbie said.

"Alright, ready for whatever's on the other side of this portal?" Aria asked.

"After the day I just had? Hell no." Debbie said, walking through.

Aria turned around.

"Goodbye Shin. Goodbye 2010." Aria said, going through the portal as well.

 

 

[4EverGreen]

Genesis of Good, Genesis of Evil!

 

The scene opens up in the Command Center, where BlackHawk is once again, inside the Simulation Planet, training as hard as he ever has! Alpha Eight nervously says: “Do you think he's putting out ENOUGH power?!”

Omnus says: “Relax! The Simulation Planet can handle it! This machine is capable of sustaining power levels up to 530,000!”

Alpha Eight sighs, and says: “Well, that's good to know!”

Than a victory horn sounds in the room, and Queen Hedrian sarcastically says: “BlackHawk has successfully completed ANOTHER training level in the Simulation Planet! What a surprise!”

BlackHawk walks out of the Simulation Planet, sweating and panting, but he says: “Don't act SNOTTY and sarcastic around us! You're LUCKY that Omnus has decided to show PITY on you, or you wouldn't even still BE here!”

Queen Hedrian scoffs, and says: “HA! I can take care of myself, and anybody ELSE who comes along! I'd be more worried about what my FATHER would think...if he's STILL around, that is!”

BlackHawk says: “You don't honestly think he's DEAD, do you?!”

Queen Hedrian sighs, and says: “I'm not sure WHAT to think anymore! Ever since Queen Beryl came around, it's made all of MY evil schemes look so...inadequate, by comparison!”

BlackHawk says: “And that's putting it MILDLY!!!! Compared to Queen Beryl, you look like a saint!”

Queen Hedrian angrily says: “Don't you DARE call me a saint! I could be PLENTY evil enough if I wanted to, if I had a decent shot!”

BlackHawk looks surprised, and honestly asks: “Are you saying you'd rather PREFER to be beaten up by us, than living a safe life HERE doing who knows WHAT with Omnus?!”

Alpha Eight says: “What Omnus and Queen Hedrian do together, are NONE of your business!”

BlackHawk says: “All I'm asking for, is confirmation, as to whether or not we can TRUST Queen Hedrian or not! I think we DESERVE to have that consensus by now!”

Captain Retro warps into the Command Center, and he says: “And you will have a LOT of consensus, very soon, BlackHawk!”

Alpha Eight says: “Captain Retro, what brings YOU here?!”

Captain Retro says: “First off, Queen Hedrian, your sister Rita, the Magi Mother, says 'Hi!' She hopes that your new life of being pure and good will work out WELL for you the way it has for her!”

Queen Hedrian seriously says: “Oh, SHUT UP!!!! You don't KNOW me! You don't know me at ALL!!!!”

Captain Retro ignores her, and says: “Noted; moving on! First off, I'd like to update you on some of the various things we have found out!”

Omnus says: “Any information about whether or not Radiguet is planning to make a move?”

Captain Retro shakes his head and says: “No, though we have made progress as to finding out where he is currently hiding. The Magi Father is using his magic to completely scan through ALL of the galaxies where Radiguet might possibly be hiding! So far, we've gotten through 10% of all the relevant cosmos.”

Queen Hedrian asks: “10%?! What did Zedd do?! Forget to charge his Z-staff?!”

Captain Retro says: “Making a thorough scan of a galaxy isn't as EASY as it sounds! If we don't do a THOROUGH check, we could EASILY miss Radiguet hiding in an asteroid, or using a comet to HIDE his spaceship, and that would make a scan of a galaxy rather POINTLESS, now WOULDN'T it?!”

Queen Hedrian groans, and she says: “You're lucky that you're SO cute looking, and that OMNUS is watching me at the moment!”

Captain Retro says: “You couldn't hurt me anyways, even if you wanted to! But that's not the real reason that I came here! Omnus, do you remember the Stone of Memories?”

Omnus says: “Yes. Alpha Six gave the Stone to Tommy as a parting gift years ago. I believe he used it to help educate his fellow Dino Thunder Rangers, in their battles against Mesogog!”

Captain Retro says: “Indeed, he did! Well, I recently tracked down Tommy, and since he wasn't using the Stone of Memories anymore, he agreed to give it back to us! Since then, I've been tracking down several key players to scan and copy their memories in here, and I've recently finished compiling the footage, and I'm ready to show it to all the relevant beings, who need to know this knowledge!”

Alpha Eight asks: “You mean...?”

Captain Retro, without waiting for the Robot to finish, merely says: “Yes. Bring them in, Omnus; NOW!!”

Alpha Eight says: “Here's hoping they are not in the middle of something IMPORTANT!!!!”

And Alpha Eight pushes some buttons, and warps in SEVERAL familiar faces! Among them, D.O.G., Billy, Rocky, Coop, Papyrus, Sans, Undyne, Alphys, StarHawk, Kras'hir, Woolbur Fleeceley, and the rest of the normal Power Rangers! BlackHawk laughs as Alphys is wearing a VERY pretty black dress, and is kissing Undyne, who has put a LOT of anime GIRL hair make-up on! BlackHawk says: “Undyne and Alphys! This is a side of you two that I've NEVER seen before!!!!”

Alphys jumps back, and says: “WHAT?!!! Why did you bring US here?! I was just in the middle of sharing a Pina Colada with my beloved Undyne!”

Omnus says: “Your Pina Colada will have to wait. Captain Retro called you all here for a VERY important purpose! Captain Retro, you'd better do the explaining!”

Captain Retro says: “Will do. Rangers, and other assorted life-forms, over the past few days, I've been asking you to scan and copy your memories into the Stone of Memories. You've probably asked yourselves; 'Why did Captain Retro ask me to do this'?!”

Pinkie says: “As a matter of fact, the whole thing DID confuse me; more than new things USUALLY tend to do, if you know what I mean!”

Captain Retro says: “For education! The whole thing stemmed from something that BlackHawk has asked me; 'How did things come to THIS point'?! Well, I'm about to show you a series of certain events, that have led us to this point. And I have a feeling, that this information will be very RELEVANT to Woolbur Fleeceley, AND to the REST of YOU, very soon!”

Lettuce says: “Cool! We're going to see a movie!”

Captain Retro seriously says: “It's NOT just a movie! This concerns elements from VARIOUS parts of your life! It is the GENESIS of Good; Genesis of Evil!”

Toby says: “It would make for a pretty good episode title, I'll tell you THAT much!”

Captain Retro pulls out a digital projector, and begins playing some recorded footage! Captain Retro says: “I did some sub-titling of when these events took place. Please feel free to comment if you want to, once each segment is done!” /

 

Nearly 200 years ago, in the Command Center, in the spring of 1981. A newly crafted Alpha V, is putting the finishing touches on an electronic collar. He puts down his tools, and he says: “THAT should do it! With this NEW invention of Zordon's, YOU should be able to communicate fluently with us in plain English, and it will enhance your thinking power QUITE nicely!”

Alpha V puts his collar, on a very young pup, named D.O.G. Alpha says: “Well D.O.G., speak!”

D.O.G., says: “Speak?! But what should I SAY?! I want to say something poignant to set the mood! Otherwise, you might just think me of nothing more than a silly dog!”

Alpha squeals with as much EMOTION as a robot can, and he says: “It works! It WONDERFULLY works! With this, you will be able to help the NEWEST team of Power Rangers! The Power Rangers Digital Squadron! They will be needing YOUR keen insight and GOOD instincts to defeat ALL the threats that Queen Hedrian and all her loyal cronies will THROW at them!”

D.O.G., says: “Don't worry! I will be a GOOD dog! I will mentor them, teach them, and show them how to do EVERYTHING related to—SQUIRREL!!!! Hi, there!”

Alpha V thinks to himself, and says: “Hmm, got to see if we can DO something to curtail those NATURAL canine instincts that he has! Just remember D.O.G., you have more power in you than you realize! You will KNOW what to do with it when the time comes!”

D.O.G., says: “I understand what you're telling me, Alpha! You can count on me!” /

 

D.O.G., says: “That's not really THAT relevant! I know how I first got my collar, and who gave it to me!”

Captain Retro shakes his head, and he says: “That's NOT the part I hoped you would pick up on! Alpha V specifically said that you have MORE power in you than you realize! And my powers of foresight are telling me, that this information will become VERY relevant to you, in the NEAR future!”

D.O.G., nods and says: “Oh, okay!”

Captain Retro says: “This next part concerns Billy and Rocky. And I just want to apologize in advance for what you had to go through just to get...friendly, with each other. I would have only been eleven years old, back then! It was...before I was able to do anything to help out your situation.” /

 

182 years ago, in Angel Grove, California, in the spring of 1996. Billy and Rocky run behind Ernie's Juice Bar, having JUST gotten finished with one of their most GRUELING adventures yet; having to TANGLE with the ferocious evil known as Master Vile, and DENYING him the Zeo Power Crystal by scattering it across time! Rocky says: “BOY!!!! I'm sure glad we don't have to mess around with Master Vile's EVIL every day!”

Billy says: “The Metallic Armor sure helped us against the Tengas and everything else! If Master Vile proves to be as stubborn as Rita and Lord Zedd are, we could USE all the help we could get!”

Rocky says: “Speaking of help, I was wondering if today is going to be the day we FINALLY declare our LOVE for each other?! Ever since you've helped me out after that incident with the Pachinko Machine where Lord Zedd brainwashed me, I've REALLY come to appreciate everything you KNOW of as a Power Ranger, and every technique and knowledgeable skill that you know of.”

Billy asks: “Are you SURE about that?! Ever since Kimberly left the team to train for the Pan-Global Games, Tommy has become a LOT more vocal than EVER about the fact that I'm GAY and I REFUSE to find myself a long-term GIRLFRIEND! I've tried to explain it to him OVER 143 times that I am not NOW, nor have I EVER really been interested in FINDING a GIRLFRIEND! But whenever I do, Tommy just says, 'If people of the same sex were MEANT to be in love with each other, we wouldn't NEED separate bathrooms,' or whatever sort of NONSENSE he pulls whenever he decides to just BLOW my feelings OFF! I tell you, I'm getting REALLY tired of this, Rocky! Something has GOT to happen by this time next spring, or I am OFF the team!”

Rocky seriously says: “Don't SAY that! I NEED you! WE NEED you! Even Tommy, even if he really doesn't WANT to ADMIT it, NEEDS you! You're the ROCK of the team! You've been here since the beginning, and you're the most experienced when it comes to matters of saving the world! I care for you, even if no one else does.”

Billy sighs, and says: “I know you do; I'm just trying to protect you from what I have to deal with from Tommy. He already KNOWS that I'm GAY! He doesn't have to know that YOU are, to!”

Rocky chuckles mirthlessly, and says: “Thanks a LOT for the protection, Billy!”

Billy genuinely says: “Anytime, Rocky!” /

 

Undyne says: “Wow! Billy, you really had a hard TIME back then, didn't you?!”

Billy says: “Let's just say that the Earth hasn't ALWAYS been as opened minded as the Underworld has! The 1990's weren't EXACTLY the best time to be GAY, you know!”

Rocky says: “We're just saying that things are a LOT cooler, now!”

Captain Retro says: “I gleamed this next bit of information from the Magi Mother. Rita managed to intercept THIS bit of information with her Crystal Ball! I watched it, and copied it down for your viewing pleasure! This will help you see; just what EXACTLY, has made the DREADED Radiguet, become such a terrifying force of evil as he has! And Coop, I apologize in advance for the brutality you're about to witness for yourself!”

Coop says: “Being with the Night Master wasn't exactly a picnic in itself, you know! Go ahead and show it! I can take it!”

Captain Retro sighs and says: “Very well. Just remember, I gave you FAIR warning!” /

 

179 years ago, the spring of 1999. An elderly, blue-skinned, blue-haired, Vyram Woman is getting BRUTALLY beaten around, by what can be NO ONE OTHER than a very YOUNG, but no less capable, 20 year old RADIGUET!!!! The woman asks: “Why, my SON?! WHY?!!!”

Radiguet SPITS in her face, and he angrily says: You DARE to talk to ME so CONDESCENDINGLY?! Even NOW, as I LITERALLY hold YOUR FATE in MY VERY HANDS?!!! You temporarily STRIPPED me of my powers, and left me for DEAD on that MISERABLE HUNK OF ROCK you DARE call the Planet Earth! You attempted to MURDER me, Empress Jooza! How DARE you call yourself a MOTHER?! Did you THINK I wouldn't take THAT assault on my LIFE PERSONALLY?!”

Empress Jooza wearily says: “I just found out of the fate, of the great space demon you so admire! The great Dark Specter, WASN'T killed by some MERE Power Rangers; he was DOWNED by his OWN loyal ally! The treacherous DARKONDA!!!! I couldn't BEAR the thought of the same FATE happening to YOU! I was TRYING to spare you, my son! From suffering the same fate HE did!”

Radiguet angrily says: “As some wimpy, non-powered, non-ambitious Earthling mortal NOBODY?! What kind of a LIFE would THAT BE?!”

Empress Jooza cries, and she says: “It would have been a GOOD life! It would have kept you SAFE from the wrath of the Power Rangers! Even Dark Specter couldn't KILL them! What chance do you think YOU'LL have against them?!”

Radiguet chuckles sadistically, and he says: “FOOLISH WOMAN!!!! Dark Specter was a WEAKLING compared to US!!!! He only had a PALTRY power level of 120,000! I, on the other hand, have an ASTOUNDING power level of 530,000!!!! And that's just the TIP of the ICEBERG, mother! Every time one of my LOYAL Vyram servants try to usurp MY position of POWER; I grow STRONGER with EACH and EVERY attack! Why, in about 180 years, if THIS keeps up, I'll have ENOUGH power to ATTACK the Chaos Gods THEMSELVES, and CLAIM their power as my own!”

Empress Jooza seriously says: “You don't know what you're DEALING with! Listen to someone else for ONCE in your LIFE! I am the ONLY woman in your life who has EVER made ANY sense!”

Radiguet FLASHES his slasher smile, and he says: “NOT ANYMORE!!!!”

And a beautiful, 20 something woman of Asian descent, comes out of the shadows! Emperess Jooza asks: “WHERE DID YOU STEAL that MARRIED WOMAN FROM?!!!”

Radiguet says: “Her NAME is MARIA!!!! As for her husband; I wouldn't WORRY about him! He's going to die a MISERABLE DEATH!!!! Chaos God MISERY has FORESEEN it!”

Empress Jooza asks: “You're taking advice from MISERY now?! He's not even one of the main Chaos Gods! What are you THINKING?!”

Radiguet says: “FOOLISH MOTHER!!!! Power is the only thing of WORTH in this UNIVERSE!!!! It SEPARATES THE WEAK FROM THE STRONG!!!! And only the STRONG are ALLOWED to DICTATE what HAPPENS in this UNIVERSE!!!! MIGHT MAKES RIGHT!!!! Isn't that right, my WIFE?!”

Maria, clearly brainwashed, but having no alternative but to reply, says: “You may have once had a purpose in Radiguet's life but he does NOT NEED YOU interfering with his goal of Universal Conquest ANYMORE, Empress Jooza!”

Radiguet sarcastically says: “I'll see you someday in the AFTERLIFE!!!! Oh, wait! No, I WON'T!!!!”

And Radiguet VIOLENTLY blasts Empress Jooza apart, so that there isn't even any BODY left of her, to dispose of! Radiguet sighs and says: “So much for my MOTHER being UNDERSTANDING of MY WANTS and NEEDS! Let us continue our pursuit of the Power Rangers Jet Fusion! We have OTHER LIVES on Earth to ruin, AND DESTROY!!!!” /

 

Kras'hir asks: “Maria? Usagi, didn't some two-bit hoodlum recently MENTION something about coming to join his wife Maria?”

Usagi says: “Now that you mention it, I DO recall him mentioning a woman named Maria! Do you think there is a connection?!”

Captain Retro says: “Undoubtedly! If there is one thing that PUSHES Radiguet's Berserk Button more than ANYTHING else, it's being CALLED 'Gay'! And NO, Billy, and Rocky! It's NOT a JOKE!!!!”

Rocky says: “I wasn't going to SAY that it was!”

Captain Retro says: “Radiguet takes great pride, and vanity, in his beauty! If there's one thing he HATES, more than seeing WRETCHED ugliness, it's FINDING anything that's PRETTIER than himself!”

Naruto says: “I'd say he lives a pretty tortured life, if he views life like that!”

Captain Retro says: “Your insights are very accurate Naruto! I have REASON to believe that Misery STOLE Maria for Radiguet, so to fulfill his DESIRE, of no longer being seen as Gay! They have even had a SON together since that happened! They call him, Tranza!”

Ebony says: “That CREEPAZOID Radiguet had a SON?! I'm sorry, but I just can't see that blue-haired, blue-skinned THING reproducing!”

Captain Retro says: “Radiguet had Tranza for the same reason that Master Vile had Rita, Rito, and even Queen Hedrian, initially. Radiguet was obviously concerned that he MIGHT not be able to accomplish EVERYTHING he has set out to do in life! Radiguet obviously wanted a way to ensure his goals would be met, even if he was unable to work on them, for himself! Tranza is a way for Radiguet to ensure his legacy! And IF Radiguet dies before Tranza does, Tranza can carry on as Radiguet's enforcer for all his twisted deeds!”

BlackHawk asks: “But why are you telling us all of this?”

Captain Retro says: “Simple. The Magi Mother and I BOTH believe that this information, is too important for you to NOT know! Knowing this, could give you an edge in the upcoming battles you have! Now, Coop; this next bit of memory, actually comes from YOU; from when you were only two!!!!”

Coop asks: “But how could I remember ANYTHING from when I was only two?!”

Captain Retro says: “Your conscious self wouldn't have remembered, but your sub-conscious would! And even though this is YOUR memory, it is NOT necessarily a pleasant one! And BlackHawk, I suggest you watch, as well! This will give you insight to why your MOTHER, is the way she is!” /

 

171 years ago, in the town of Oakey Oaks, California, the summer of 2007. A red-haired, yellow-feathered woman with exceptional looks and a GREAT body, SCREAMS loudly in anger!!!! It is CLEARLY Mrs. Little, looking ten years younger than she currently is, and she is SCREAMING at an extremely strong, VERY tall, and very GOOD looking male with red hair, white feathers, and wearing sun-glasses! Mrs. Little angrily says: “UNACCEPTABLE!!!! Simply UNACCEPTABLE!!!! When we MARRIED each other seven years ago, you told me the REST of my LIFE was going to be PERFECT!!!! Magic, dreams, HOPES; that's what I had PLANNED for the rest of MY life!!!! But losing our oldest child to the Night Master, before he was even HATCHED?! That was so MIND-NUMBINGLY...I can't even think of a proper TERM for it, ACE CHICKEN LITTLE!!!!”

Ace, with a voice sounding just LIKE Jason David Frank says: “Abby, I told you, I fought him off the best I could! But he was simply TOO POWERFUL!!!! There was NOTHING I could DO about it! And haven't I spent the past six years of our LIVES together, hiring ALL the best detectives that I could to try and FIND what would now be our six-year old son?!”

Abby seethes, and she says: “THAT; I could let SLIDE!!!! I even let you talk me into having a SECOND child, that we would NOT lose! I thought that would FIX everything! But YOU; losing a Martial ARTS TOURNAMENT?!!! Coming in SECOND PLACE?!!! That is NOT the type of ENVIRONMENT that I WANT to RAISE MY SON IN!!!!”

Ace sourly says: “When did Coop become 'YOUR' son?! Last time I CHECKED, there was STILL a RING on YOUR finger!!!!”

Abby TAKES her diamond-studded ring off in anger, THROWS it on the floor, and she angrily says: “You can TAKE this piece of TIN and SHOVE IT UP YOUR BUTT!!!! I'm OUT!!!! I DON'T stay MARRIED to a guy who LOSES, LOSER!!!!!”

Ace asks: “A LOSER?! ME?! Is that what you CALL a guy who single-handed, saves an entire CITY from what COULD HAVE been a HOSTILE ALIEN INVASION?!!!”

The young two-year old Coop, wearing a one-piece, green pajama, holding a blue blanket, walks into the room, and rubbing his eyes, asks: “Ma, why are you shouting?”

Ace sternly says: “Get back into bed, son! This doesn't concern you!”

Too tired to continue to talk about it, Coop merely does as he is told. Abby says: “I want you to LEAVE this house, and NEVER come back into our lives!!!!”

Ace seriously says: “That's a FINE thing to ask me! Is that how you repay a guy who loved you even when you were frumpy and UGLY?! When you were going through that AWKWARD teenage phrase?! I loved you when no one else would even give you the time of day! But ever since you became a pretty Ms. THING; and have subsequently become a multi-billionaire by selling that story of mine to Hollywood called Chicken Little, which was GROSSLY inaccurate by the way; all you seem to care about with me or with anyone else is WINNING!!!!”

Abby says: “First of all, I had NOTHING to do with how the movie turned out! They wouldn't BUY the movie unless I signed away my creative CONTROL over it! And what's WRONG with WINNING?! It's done ME a lot of good!”

Ace seriously says: “Maybe financially, but what is it doing to your soul?! You don't even have an ANSWER for that one, do you?! Well, if you WANT me to leave, far be it for ME to stand in YOUR way of winning! Have custody of Coop, and our oldest SON if you EVER find him WITHOUT me! I just hope that you're HAPPY with the DECISION that you're making with YOUR LIFE!!!!”

And Ace grabs as many suitcases of his stuff as he can, and he angrily WALKS out of the house and SLAMS the door behind him! Unbeknownst to him, Abby Mallard Little silently sheds some tears, wondering if what SHE DID was the WRONG thing! /

 

BlackHawk is flabbergasted, while Coop is just dumb-founded! BlackHawk asks: “My parents, are the real LIFE Ace, and Abby Mallard?!”

Coop says: “I KNEW I got my cool side from SOMEWHERE!!!!”

Captain Retro says: “So you see, you two. Your mother wasn't always gifted with looks, and with winning. She had to work for those things, just like pretty much everyone else in life. But she IS good, deep down, and she WILL remember it before everything is said and done! Now, this next memory will give you some more insight as to who I am exactly, as well as the MAIN reason as to WHY I called you all here!” /

 

170 years ago, in Root Core, in the spring of 2008. A young, barely out of his twenties anthropomorphic dog, is admiring his newly created attire, crafted by the Magi Mother, Rita Repulsa! Rita comes in on him, and she says: “This look is GOOD on you, Captain Retro!”

Captain Retro says: “This is all so different to me! I've only been your student for about a year now, and you already think I'm good enough to have an anthro form; to talk like a human does, and to learn ALL about the Power Rangers! It's amazing! What else is there to possibly learn?!”

Rita chuckles, and she says: “You will find that as time goes on, there is SO much we can learn from life, and from each other! Take ME, for instance! Ten years ago, my husband and I would have been obsessed with NOTHING but destroying the Power Rangers! Now, look at me! I've helped the Power Rangers Jet Fusion hold off the DREADED attacks of Radiguet! With my Magic Force Field in place, it SHOULD keep Radiguet from EVER attacking Earth EVER again!”

But then, Captain Retro starts shaking uncontrollably, and before he REALIZES it, his eyes glow GREEN and they shoot FORTH a SHOCKING, visible image on the WALL!!!! In the image, a much OLDER, but no less youthful looking Radiguet, is RAMPAGING and ATTACKING various cities on the Planet Earth! Among them, Angel Grove, Mariner Bay, Silver City, Turtle Bay Cove, Blue Bay Harbor, Reefside, New Tech City, Briarwood, and even TWO places that Rita and Captain Retro haven't SEEN yet; Corinth and Coastal Falls! Rita asks: “What does this MEAN?!”

Captain Retro solemnly says: “It means that one day, Radiguet WILL find a way to BREAK the force field you placed upon Planet Earth! He AND his WIFE, the brainwashed Maria, along with all of their other loyal, evil cronies, will systematically attack EVERY single city that holds MEANING to a Power Ranger team, all because YOU and the Power Rangers Jet Fusion DENIED him the victory of conquering Earth nine years ago!”

Rita says: “But Radiguet wiped the records of all the Power Rangers BEFORE 1993, and even the records of the Power Rangers Jet Fusion themselves, when he erased the memories of everyone on Earth when we FORCED him to flee!”

Captain Retro says: “That was not ENOUGH for Radiguet! As long as he is denied the glory of conquering the planet Earth, and KILLING ALL the Power Rangers throughout history, his EVIL ambitions will NEVER be satisfied! He will go to ANY lengths to become POWERFUL enough to END your life, and even the life of YOUR lost SISTER!!!!”

Rita asks: “My sister is ALIVE?!!! I thought she perished against the Power Rangers Solar Force YEARS ago!!!! I received a message from Fuhrer Saturn TELLING me so!”

Captain Retro says: “Fuhrer Saturn is a notorious LIAR, and an even BIGGER coward! The woman that perished, was merely a CLONE of your sister, crafted from her DNA, and made into a cyborg to enhance her fighting skills. Your father, Master Vile, is very WISE to hate Fuhrer Saturn, however evil they BOTH may be! Speaking of, Master Vile plays a part in this vision, to! 170 years from now, Master Vile will use the Freudian excuse of his galaxy dying, to come to Queen Hedrian's wedding! But the lights going out in the M-51 Galaxy, is all just a cover for a scheme that he and Professor Bias are planning! They are trying to come up with an Anti-Life Equation, for the sole purpose of TRYING to destroy Radiguet! And they DON'T want anyone interfering, which is why they will make it APPEAR that all the lights have gone out in the M-51 Galaxy! Master Vile's deceit will be SO perfect, even his own DAUGHTER and Omnus will not know that he is STILL alive! BUT, I DO have some good news as well! I have foreseen that seven Power Rangers will be there, to put a STOP to Radiguet's evil schemes! They will be tried, and they will be tested by the Chaos Gods themselves! However, I will be there to guide them through the hard parts, and send them songs to inspire them whenever they need it!”

Rita asks: “Is there anything else about this vision that you can tell me?”

Captain Retro says: “By then, your husband, Lord Zedd, or as you like to call him, the Magi-Father, will have FOUND all the missing soul particles of Zordon, and will successfully put him back together. We will NEED Zordon's intelligence to figure out a way to DESTROY Radiguet, ONCE and for all!”

Rita asks: “Can you tell me WHO the seven Rangers will be?”

Captain Retro shakes his head, and says: “Not all of them. But I DO know of ONE Ranger, who will become a Power Ranger! He has JUST turned seven, and is ABOUT to attend his first summer session at a place called Camp Kidney! He will meet some good friends there, but he will need some guidance from me, in order to help him out with the rough edges.”

Rita says: “Than you must go and start guiding him. If this person will INDEED become a Power Ranger, like you said he will be.”

Captain Retro says: “About that; he is NOT a person, per say, so much as he is actually a Hawkian DESCENDED from the Planet Hawkia! In five years time, he will MEET his currently three-year old brother Coop, and his mother, who has JUST gotten divorced from her 'loser' of a husband, Mr. Ace Little! Mrs. Little is VERY obsessed with WINNING, you know! But one day, she will find out that there is MUCH more to life than just WINNING! But, it is important that he doesn't find out this information from me. He will find it out from a girl! That's all I can see so far, but I hope I can GET BlackHawk to FORGIVE someone who he thinks has WRONGED him when the time comes!”

Rita asks: “Why is that?”

Captain Retro says: “Because if BlackHawk THINKS he has NOBODY who will MISS him, he MAY make the mistake of sacrificing his own LIFE when the time comes!” /

 

Queen Hedrian asks: “My father is ALIVE?!!!”

Captain Retro says: “You will KNOW soon enough! As for you Power Rangers, it WAS no accident or coincidence that eventually brought seven of you together. Naruto, Usagi, Lettuce, Toby, Pinkie, Ebony, and of course, BlackHawk. Fate, destiny, whatever you want to call it, drew you ALL to each other! You are a puzzle! Each of you a key piece of each other! Significant on their own, but not really whole without the other pieces! Only TOGETHER, will you stand a chance against Radiguet! Remember what I told you while we were stuck in the Dark Mirror Dimension?”

Lettuce says: “You told us that we passed the test.”

Captain Retro says: “And indeed, you have. You have confirmed my initial suspicions, that you are all INDEED, the seven Power Rangers I have foreseen in my vision, by refusing to give up, even against seemingly insurmountable odds! Although I must admit, I never THOUGHT you would ever associate with the Chaos Gods!”

Kras'hir asks: “Why?! Is there something WRONG with them?!”

Captain Retro says: “Not with YOU; personally! It's just that as a matter of principle, I can't, I don't, and I WON'T associate with the four Main Chaos Gods!”

Toby says: “Isn't that what you have US around for?”

Captain Retro says: “Partially. Just be careful around the Chaos Gods!”

Ebony asks: “I hate to ask the OBVIOUS; but why?”

Captain Retro says: “I have REASON to believe that the Chaos Gods will soon start talking into your MINDS!!!! Though you went to them for help in the name of GOOD; their views on what is good and just do not necessarily align with what YOU view as good and just! Those Chaos Portals the Warp Demons came through to fight Emperor Diabolica's forces? They NEVER closed them; they kept them OPEN!!!! That's why things have gotten so CRAZY on Core Earth right now! The Magi Mother and I have been doing our best, to FIND all of the escaped Warp Demons, BANISH them BACK through the portals they came out of, and SEAL the gateways again!”

Kras'hir asks: “Do you really believe that you can succeed in such a task? The odds of you and Rita successfully sealing up ALL the Demon Portals; I estimate it to be 8,567,321,904 to one!”

Captain Retro scoffs, and says: “NEVER tell me the odds! Now, it's time to resume our trip down memory lane. BlackHawk, remember your first summer in Camp Kidney back in 2008?”

BlackHawk says: “Somewhat. Why?”

Captain Retro says: “Well, my powers of foresight have indicated that Camp Kidney will become a VERY important place for you again, sometime in the near future! Watch, and remember what you have LIVED through, YOURSELF!!!!” /

 

In Camp Kidney, the summer of 2008: A young, four foot black hawk with back wings, wearing a green shirt, a green hat, black pants, and with the insignia “B.S.” for Bean Scouts, is sitting inside a rustic, wooden cabin. A middle-aged yellow slug, sounding a LOT like Tom Kenny trying to sound like Christian Slater says: “BlackHawk, the camp counselor/Radio D.J. Captain Retro, will see you now!”

BlackHawk rolls his eyes, and sarcastically says: “Thank you for that HELPFUL information, Slinkman!”

Slinkman says: “It's Slink...wait a minute!!!! Did you actually get my NAME right?! Lumpus NEVER got my name right while HE ran this place!”

BlackHawk says: “You should be LUCKY I came along when I did! Otherwise, you and the REST of the Bean Scouts would STILL be running around naked!”

Slinkman rolls his stalk eyes and he says: “Don't remind me!”

BlackHawk walks into the counselor's office, and meets with the young Captain Retro! Captain Retro says: “Hello, there. I understand that you've been having a little trouble...adapting to the social structure of this place. Aren't the kids of this place NICE to you?!”

BlackHawk sighs, and he says: “They're fine, I guess. The monkey named Lazlo, Clam, Edward, Chip, Skip, Freddie, and ESPECIALLY Samson; but there's just SOMETHING about RAJ the Elephant that I just don't trust! I can't TRUST someone who is MEAN to Samson all the time!”

Captain Retro says: “I understand your frustration, BlackHawk, but I need to address some concerns the other campers, and Slinkman, had about you. They said that by merely focusing your hands, you made FIRE energy come out of them, and started a campfire!”

BlackHawk seriously says: “That's not ALL I've done! I can fly with the greatest of ease! I can create lightning, and energy beams! I am a student of Master Mallard's! I am TRAINING to become a Woo Foo Warrior, and one day make the Night Master PAY for all the HURT he has put me through!”

Captain Retro says: “While I am afraid that I have personally not HAD such a hard life, I can empathize what you're going through. It's not easy to hide your powers from others, is it? You see, BlackHawk; you're not the ONLY one around here who has super-powers, I do, as well. And I am learning more all the time. I'm a superhero, BlackHawk! I'm JUST like you!”

BlackHawk asks: “REALLY?!”

And using ONLY the power of his mind, BlackHawk makes SEVERAL objects in the Counselor's Room FLOAT in the air, causes the Garden Hose being sprayed by the Squirrel Scouts to FLY upwards; causes a lawn-mower to fly into the air, and EVEN floats RAJ into the sky, and BANGS him against a wooden cabin SEVERAL times for good measure, and BLOWS up the malfunctioning ball factory that HAD been unintentionally sending balls that pounded Samson! BlackHawk STOPS his demonstration, and he says: “I SERIOUSLY DOUBT THAT!!!!”

Captain Retro is ASTOUNDED, and he says: “You have MORE power than you know what to DO with, BlackHawk! The question you must ask yourself, is do you want to CONTROL that power?! Or do you WANT to become like Radiguet, and LET the power CONTROL YOU?!” /

 

Naruto says: “WOW!!!! You're actually a lot NICER now, than you were as a kid, BlackHawk!”

BlackHawk says: “You can thank Captain Retro and Master Yo for that, they ironed out all the rough parts of my personality! Although truth be told, I might not have gotten to be such a caring guy as I am right now, if I HADN'T have had the pleasure of meeting with all of you!”

Captain Retro says: “And that is another reason why all of you have come together; to LEARN and GROW from each other! And BlackHawk, Ebony isn't REALLY as bad as you think she is! She's really special, if you give her a second chance!”

BlackHawk looks at the hopeful Ebony, and he says: “I'll have to THINK about it!”

Captain Retro says: “Good enough for now. Alphys, Undyne, Sans, and Papyrus; it's time to revisit YOUR part of the memory! Now, I'd just like to say that this doesn't concern EVERYTHING you guys have been through; only the last encounter with Flowey, and what you had to endure against him.”

Papyrus asks: “But why not replay the whole thing?”

Captain Retro says: “For two main reasons. One; the rest of BlackHawk's time in the Underworld is not relevant to what he will be facing as a Ranger. Two; I only have a limited amount of time to spend here, and I'm afraid I have to get back to helping Rita and Zedd with closing the Demon Portals once I'm done! The Demon Portals WON'T close themselves, you know!”

Sans says: “I'm fine with that. Go ahead, play our memories.” /

 

163 years ago, in the Underworld, in the summer of 2015. Flowey, having GATHERED all the fallen souls of the Underworld, LAUGHS as she BATTERS a fourteen year old BlackHawk around like a RAG Doll!!!! Flowey says: “You are such a FOOLISH WEAKLING!!!! Or do you really BELIEVE in this 'Mercy' non-sense? If so, you're an even BIGGER fool than I THOUGHT you were!”

BlackHawk hears the voice of Chara in his head! A gender-neutral voice, Chara says: “Do it! Strike her! SNUFF her OUT!!!! Take her down, NOW!!!!”

BlackHawk is weary, but he stands fast, and he says: “Shut UP, CHARA!!!! I made a promise to Master Yo; my younger brother Coop, his friends, and to Captain Retro; I WILL NOT FIGHT!!!!”

Flowey says: “Why do you INSIST and PERSIST on saving the LIVES of these Poor, Unfortunate Souls?!”

 

And without warning, a song played by Captain Retro, begins playing in the background, which stops the action DEAD COLD! / Ursula says: “The only way to get what you want, is to become a human yourself!” Ariel asks: “Can you do that?” Ursula sings: “My dear, sweet child, it's what I DO! It's what I LIVE for! To help unfortunate Merfolk, like yourself! Poor souls with no one else to TURN to! I admit that in the past I've been a nasty. They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch. But you'll find that nowadays, I've mended all my ways. Repented, seen the light, and made a switch. True? Yes! And I fortunately know a little magic. It's a talent that I always have possessed. And here lately, please don't laugh! I use it on behalf of the miserable, lonely, and depressed. Pathetic. Poor unfortunate souls! In pain, in need! This one longing to be thinner, that one wants to get the girl! And do I help them? Yes, indeed! Those poor unfortunate souls! So sad, so true! They come flocking to my cauldron crying, 'Spells, Ursula, please!' And I help them! Yes, I do! Now it's happened once or twice! Someone couldn't pay the price! And I'm afraid I had to rake 'em 'cross the coals! Yes, I've had the odd complaint! But on the whole I've been a saint! To those poor unfortunate souls! Have we got a deal?”

Ariel says: “If I become human, I'll never be with my father or sisters again.”

Ursula says: “But you'll have your man, heh heh. Life's full of tough choices, isn't it? Heh heh. Oh, and there is one more thing. We haven't discussed the subject of payment.”
Ariel says: “But I don't have-!”
Ursula says: “I'm not asking much, just a token really, a trifle! What I want from you is...your voice!”
Ariel says: “But without my voice, how can I-?”
Ursula sings: “You'll have your looks, your pretty face! And don't underestimate the importance of body language, ha! The men up there don't like a lot of blabber! They think a girl who gossips is a bore! Yes, on land it's much preferred for ladies not to say a word! And after all dear, what is idle prattle for? Come on, they're not all that impressed with conversation! True gentlemen avoid it when they can! But they dote and swoon and fawn on a lady who's withdrawn! It's she who holds her tongue who get's a man! Come on you poor unfortunate soul! Go ahead! Make your choice! I'm a very busy woman and I haven't got all day! It won't cost much; just your voice! You poor unfortunate soul! It's sad, but true! If you want to cross the bridge, my sweet you've got the pay the toll! Take a gulp and take a breath and go ahead and sign the scroll! Flotsam, Jetsam, now I've got her, boys! The boss is on a roll! This poor unfortunate soul! Beluga sevruga! Come winds of the Caspian Sea! Larengix glaucitis! Et max laryngitis! La voce to me! Now, sing!”

Ariel sings: “Aah!”
Ursula says: “Keep singing!”

Ariel continues holding her “Aah!”, until it starts sounding disembodied, and eventually fades away! An epic riff plays, and crescendos into a calm, quiet tune which finishes the song! /

BlackHawk asks: “What was THAT?!!!”

Captain Retro telepathically says: “Sorry about that! I was hoping to find Who Will Save Your Soul?; by Jewel, but I haven't had a CHANCE to accumulate a HUGE library of musical work yet, I just STARTED my Radio D.J. Job, so I went with the next best thing I could find!”

Flowey looks weirdly, and she says: “That WAS pretty weird! But it doesn't MATTER! These souls don't belong in YOUR world! You didn't even KNOW them before you came here! Why do YOU care so much about them?!”

Chara speaks in BlackHawk's head again, and Chara says: “Why should YOU care about Flowey?! Hasn't she put you ALL the GRIEF you've BEEN THROUGH?!!! Hurry up and KILL HER!!!!”

BlackHawk seriously says: “I WON'T!!!! I'm SPARING HER!!!! I'm doing it because it's the RIGHT thing to DO! I haven't BEEN the most perfect guy I COULD have been before I came here! I might have wrongly hurt some people, but I never did it without a good reason to. Why should I hurt Flowey, when I found a WAY not to hurt ANYONE else?!”

Flowey asks: “Are you saying that what I have DONE to these people, is NOT worth PUNISHMENT?!”

Chara loudly says: “Even SHE is saying it's all her FAULT!!!! Do what you must!!!! Strike her DOWN with all of YOUR hatred, and FULFILL the destiny you're DENYING yourself, of being a TRUE BLOOD KNIGHT!”

BlackHawk seriously says: “As Captain Retro is so fond of saying; 'Shut up, Hannibal!!' Flowey is already being PUNISHED! Because out of everything she has done, she KNOWS what she has DONE; and she has to LIVE with all the mistakes that SHE has made for the REST of her life, however LONG that might be!”

Flowey chokes up, and she says: “I...never wanted it to be this way. But the first kid, Chara; it said it was my friend! It LIED to me!”

Chara shockingly says: “Showing remorse?! You can't!!!! What about EVERYTHING I ever DID for you?! Are you going to throw THAT ALL AWAY?!!! You would be NOTHING without me!!!!”

Flowey stiffens up, and she defiantly says: “I don't WANT this path ANYMORE!!!!”

And with ALL her might, she RELEASES all the souls of the Underworld back into her bodies, and all Chara can do, is scream in futility, screaming: “No! NO!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No...”

And Chara's voice fades away for good, as the barrier of the Underworld BREAKS down for good, and everyone steps OUT into the TRUE sunshine of the world for the first time in AGES!!!! Sans runs out, and he cries tears of joy! Sans says: “We're free! WE'RE FREE!!!!”

Flowey remorsefully said: “I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me someday. It's...not easy to admit when you have done something wrong.”

BlackHawk says: “You can't always live your life, dwelling on what other people, or creatures in this case, have done to you in the past. You must be able to find a way to make peace with others, and find a way to move on with your life.”

Toriel runs up to BlackHawk, and hugs him GREATLY!!!! Toriel says: “Thanks for reuniting me with King Asgore! I forgot how much we ACTUALLY were in love with each other before all this started! It was nice to be able to take care of you for a while, in the Underworld and all.”

BlackHawk says: “Sometimes, I wish YOU were my real mother; instead of ME having to go back and live with my ACTUAL mother! There's a part of me that REALLY wants to stay!”

Toriel says: “There's a part of you that WILL always stay! Sans, Papyrus, Undyne, Alphys, I want you to be friends with BlackHawk.”

Papyrus, in stark contrast from his usual boisterous self, merely sheds a tear of understanding, and he says: “It shall be done, my queen.”

BlackHawk asks: “By the way, where are the four of you going to live now, so I know where to find you when the time is right?”

Undyne says: “When the time is right, you can find us in a newly built city, called Coastal Falls.” /

 

Lettuce says: “WOW!!!! So THAT'S how you knew Undyne, Papyrus, Sans, and Alphys; you went through that grueling experience against Flowey all those years ago!”

BlackHawk says: “Just remember; from OUR perspective, that was only three years ago! You've got to remember, that you're not just dealing with ACTUAL time, some of us are dealing with our OWN personal time! Master Yo allowed all of us to keep our own individual age, even after warping us to this far-flung year of 2178!”

Pinkie says: “Princess Celestia mentioned something about that to me, to; before I came here! I didn't understand what she meant back then. Now, I think I do!”

Captain Retro says: “StarHawk, you've been very quiet today.”

StarHawk says: “I believe I have this emotion that you people call 'The Guilt'. I feel AWFUL about the fall-out between BlackHawk and myself, and I am wondering if there is anything I can do to make it the better.”

Captain Retro shakes his head, and says: “I'm afraid there is not. And BlackHawk, it is not YOUR fault, or HER fault, that your potential relationship didn't work out with each other! It is the fault of StarHawk's EVIL older sister! You are about to see why FireHawk got BANISHED from her home planet, and has SOUGHT to make StarHawk's life MISERABLE as PUNISHMENT for CONVICTING her!” /

 

150 years ago, on the Planet Hawkia, in the spring of 2028. A teenaged FireHawk, is brought in shackles, before a galactic counsel of fierce Hawkian judges and jury. They are all (except for FireHawk and StarHawk), dressed in black robes to obscure their bodies and faces! Though they are ALL speaking in Hawkian language, it is conveniently translated into English subtitles for the average viewer. The Hawkian Judge says: “<FireHawk, you stand accused by a jury of your peers, on the basis that you have been found guilty of MULTIPLE counts, of EXCESSIVE FRACKING, FRATERNIZING with a bunch of EVIL Necrons, causing four MILLION loyal Hawkian Warriors to die, and PHYSICALLY abusing your younger sister StarHawk when she tried to REASON with you, and you SPAT her offer of redemption in her FACE!!!! How do you plead to all these charges?!>”

FireHawk scoffs, and she says: “<Do you think I'm actually going to CONFESS to anything I have done?! I know what I did! I don't CARE what you or ANYONE thinks of it?! If you want to pass JUDGMENT, based upon the words on what my sister has said alone; than do so NOW!!!! It makes no difference what judgment you pass! You may have stopped the Necrons here, but there will be OTHERS throughout the universe, who will one day come BACK here, and FINISH what the Necrons here once STARTED!!!!>”

The Hawkian Judge says: “<First of all, it is not the mere words of StarHawk alone that we are drawing evidence from. We have D.N.A. Evidence, visual records, audio recordings, and several OTHER witnesses who have stepped forth to correlate StarHawk's story! And your REFUSAL to cooperate with the jury, by refusing to testify on your own behalf, is succinct to a basic admission of your own guilt! The crimes you have committed against the citizens of Planet Hawkia are WORTHY of DEATH!!!! However, it is ILLEGAL for ANY court to pass a sentence of death. Therefore, I sentence you to permanent BANISHMENT, FireHawk! You will wander the universe alone, you will not be mourned, and you will not be loved, for the REST of your natural life! All Hawkians alive now and in the future, will be FORBIDDEN from speaking kindly to you, or showing you ANY act of kindness! You will NOT have a single FRIEND in the entire universe, FireHawk! You have until sun-down to leave, FireHawk! After that, your life and fate is OUT of my wings!>”

The shackles around FireHawk are removed, but she defiantly says: “<I won't BOTHER waiting around until sun-down, I'll show MYSELF off, if it SO pleases THIS MOCKERY of a COURT!!!! But mark my words, I WILL FIND a way to come BACK here someday! And when I do, I'll be SO POWERFUL, that there will not be a force on this world, or ANY world that can hold me back! And good luck EVER finding a guy who will LOVE you for YOU, StarHawk! I curse YOU with the Lesbian Hex! From now on, any guy you meet, you will find a way to SABOTAGE any relationship you can have with a guy! The only relationships that will work for you, is one of Lesbianism, or a three-way relationship between different woman! You have been WARNED, StarHawk!”

StarHawk merely cries, and she says: “<I truly wish nothing but the best for you in life, even if I'm not allowed to actually show it.>”

FireHawk scoffs, and she says: “<I don't need your FAKE sympathies! I WILL gain the power I seek! One day, you shall ALL pay for this GRAVE injustice on ME!!!!>”

And FireHawk powers up a protective atmosphere bubble around herself, and she jets off into space! And all StarHawk and her fellow Hawkians can do is stare off at where FireHawk disappeared from, wondering if FireHawk ever WILL one day carry out her claims! /

 

BlackHawk asks: “A LESBIAN Hex?! Don't you think that was information that would have been IMPORTANT for me to know, like, BEFORE I tried to BEGIN a relationship with you?!”

StarHawk says: “First of all, I didn't think that information WAS important OR Relevant! Besides, I thought FireHawk was BLUFFING about the whole thing!”

Usagi says: “But, as we have found out, she wasn't!”

Captain Retro says: “FireHawk will soon be coming BACK into your life, StarHawk! She may not be a Power Ranger, but she will STILL be dangerous all the same! She will NOT treat you with mercy, so don't BOTHER giving any to her!”

Kras'hir says: “I wasn't planning on it!”

Captain Retro says: “I am WELL aware of that! Woolbur, it's YOUR turn, now!”

Woolbur asks: “What are you going to show?”

Captain Retro says: “I'm not going to lie to you; it's a PAINFUL memory, but one that will be IMPORTANT for the rest of the Rangers! You DO remember Dr. Maniac, DON'T you, Woolbur Fleeceley?!”

Woolbur angrily says: “How could I ever FORGIVE such a man, who could CALLOUSLY take the life of my older brother; Ramone Fleeceley?!”

Lettuce asks: “RAMone Fleeceley?!”

Woolbur says: “It's a RESPECTABLE name within the Woolian community! That IS my native species name, as I come from the Planet Fleecia, you know!”

Everyone looks at Woolbur weirdly, and Woolbur says: “Don't judge me! I didn't come UP with those names! They were there long before I ever came around!”

Billy says: “I'm in no position to judge! I wouldn't want to, anyways!”

Captain Retro says: “In any case, I have good reason to believe that Dr. Maniac may be HELPING OUT Queen Beryl with her evil scheme! If so, you WILL meet up with Dr. Maniac in person, soon enough!” /

 

On Planet Earth, somewhere around New Tech City, in the summer of 2028. An explosion is heard inside of a scientific laboratory, located somewhere in New Tech City. Four S.P.D. Power Rangers (S.P.D. Blue is notably missing), rush out of the busted laboratory door entrance, with a teenaged Woolbur Fleeceley. The S.P.D. Green Ranger says: “We did it! We thwarted Dr. Maniac's sinister plans, sabotaged his laboratory, and best of all, we rescued my younger brother! Power down!”

And the S.P.D. Green Ranger turns out to be an alien, looking MUCH like Woolbur, only with sharp RAM like horns, and with mostly BLUE fur instead of GREEN fur! Woolbur says: “Ramone Fleeceley, you saved me from that AWFUL man! How can I ever repay you?!”

Ramone says: “It's all in a day's work for a Power Ranger! We'd all do the same for each other! Besides, I couldn't BEAR the thought of having Dr. Maniac corrupt YOU with his sinister, scientific plans, or do something WORSE to you! I love you, Woolbur. And I don't want to lose you. You're everything to me!”

Woolbur says: “Ramone, you are a COOL older brother! And you're a GREAT Power Ranger!”

Ramone says: “You can be one to, Woolbur! One day, once I've saved enough lives and stopped Dr. Maniac enough times, I might get promoted to S.P.D. Blue! It would be GREAT to have you fighting along side me as S.P.D. Green!”

Woolbur excitedly asks: “Do you REALLY think I can be a Power Ranger?!”

Ramone says: “Sure! Anyone can be a Power Ranger! And with your brains and your athletic skills already being as exceptional as they are, you could EASILY become one of the best Power Rangers in existence, and history!”

Woolbur says: “I'd certainly be BETTER than that Power Ranger, Justin! MAN, is HE SUCH a LOSER!!!!”

The Blue S.P.D. Power Ranger appears, and he says: “Why do you ALWAYS got to talk SMACK about ME behind my back?! Oh, wait! I know why! It's because I'm JUSTIN!!!! Oh, look! All the other Power Rangers are making FUN of me behind MY back! It MUST be a day that ENDS with a 'Y'!”

Ramone seriously says: “Don't act SNOTTY with us, Justin! The only reason we even GAVE you another shot to be a Power Ranger, is because ever since Bridge got promoted to S.P.D. Red, we were short a Power Ranger! Besides, you've always wanted to PROVE to everyone that you're NOT the worst Power Ranger ever? This is your big chance to do so!”

Justin says: “Well, ever since the Power Rangers R.P..M., made a NAME for themselves on that alternate dimension Earth in the city of Corinth, I think it's safe to say that I'm no LONGER the WORST Power Ranger that has EVER existed!”

Woolbur says: “Maybe so, but losing to wimpy Space Pirate Divatox? That still pretty much ranks right up there, along with losing two WHOLE Megazords!”

Justin yells: “AUGH!!!! Why does everyone always get that WRONG?! It was T.J.'s STUPID idea to blow up the Rescue Turbo Megazord in the FIRST place, and let the regular Turbo Megazord get THRASHED against that STUPID Goldgoyle monster, before FINALLY figuring out how to destroy him! So why does T.J. get a pass on the bad ideas department, whereas all I'M ever looked upon is with disdain and distrust?!”

Bridge says: “I hate to say it, but Straw-Man has a POINT, you know!”

Sydney sighs, and says: “Yes, he does.”

Z says: “But still, isn't it easier just to put all the BLAME on Justin?! Sorry, but he IS the designated Scrappy and/or Butt Monkey! Ha, HA!!!!”

Justin fumes, and he seriously says: “AUGH!!!! I am SICK and tired of being treated like DIRT by the REST of you, and I SWEAR, that I'm putting my foot down right NOW!!!!”

And Justin LITERALLY puts his foot down, ACTIVATING a hidden trap door, that opens up beneath their feet; and they fall into the confines of a garbage disposal unit! A hologram appears in the dank, dismal, and smelly place, and the image of Dr. Maniac appears! Dr. Maniac laughs maniacally, and he says: “MWA, HA, HA!!!! I KNEW stealing those psych evaluations of ALL the Power Rangers past and present was a good idea! I knew that SOONER or later, one of you would say something STUPID to trigger Justin's Berserk Button, and make him trip one of my traps, now you are all DOOMED!!!! Unless ONE of you is BRAVE enough to SACRIFICE him or herself for the REST of the Power Rangers! Farewell! Oh, wait! No, you WON'T FARE well, at ALL!!!! MWA, HA, HA!!!!”

And the ceiling of the Garbage Disposal unit begins to compress down SLOWLY, as if DELIBERATELY TAUNTING the Rangers with trying to find a way OUT of there in time! Justin yells: “I'm too YOUNG to DIE like THIS!!!! There are SO MANY PLACES ON EARTH that I haven't GOTTEN to VISIT YET!!!!”

Sydney asks: “Are you ALWAYS this VAIN and WHINY?!!!”

Justin sourly says: “I'm about to be flattened like a pancake by some sadistic psychopath who thinks that referencing the 1980's is the COOLEST thing EVER!!!! How would YOU feel?!!!”

Ramone sifts quickly through all the garbage, and he finds something! Ramone says: “It's a pressure mechanism! It may be a way out!”

Ramone presses it, and sure enough, a hidden door enters in the garbage disposal, leading to a way out! Ramone looks sadly, and he says: “I think the mechanism will only stay open as long as one of us is on it! I'll stay behind so the rest of you can escape!”

Woolbur looks shocked, and he says: “You can't MEAN that, Ramone! Don't DO this!”

Ramone says: “I said I was going to save you, and I have! Now all you have to learn is how to save yourself, if you ever want to TRULY be a great Power Ranger! Take this Green S.P.D. Morpher! You'll know what to do with it when the time comes!”

Woolbur gets handed the S.P.D. Power Morpher, but Woolbur defiantly says: “NO!!!! I won't LET you! There MUST be another way!”

Ramone says: “There IS no other way! Now, go; before it's too late for ANY of you!!!!”

And not even pausing to look back, Bridge, Sydney, Z, Justin, and Woolbur all rush out of the looming garbage disposal trap! They all get outside, and Bridge says: “Maybe there's still a chance to go back and save him!”

And they ALL hear a sickening; CRUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Woolbur cries, and he says: “Ramone Fleeceley. NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ramone FLEECELEY!!!!”

Z says: “Woolbur, control yourself! Ramone just did what he had to do! It was the ONLY way!”

But Woolbur is so despondent, he just cries and screams so loud, it's like he didn't even HEAR her! Dr. Maniac zooms in on a futuristic high-tech car, and he laughs maniacally, and says: “MWA, HA, HA!!!! I TOLD you I WOULD kill ONE of you before you had ten ADVENTURES against me! It's what I DID to the ORIGINAL Power Rangers Bionic Force Yellow Ranger, you green fleeced TWERP!”

Woolbur turns around, and he LITERALLY has crimson red FIRE in his eyes! Woolbur angrily says: “I HAVE a NAME!!!! I'm WOOLBUR FLEECELEY!!!! YOU KILLED MY BROTHER!!!! PREPARE TO DIE!!!!”

And brandishing an INSANELY sharp cutlass sword out of his wool, before anyone can BLINK, Woolbur RUSHES to the MAD doctor, and SICKENINGLY SLICES Dr. Maniac's LEFT flesh arm CLEAR off!!!! Dr. Maniac screams in pain, and yells: “AUGH!!!! That was a PERFECTLY GOOD ARM!!!! That doesn't grow BACK, you JERK!!!!”

Woolbur angrily says: “I'm going to cut you down PIECE by piece, and make you feel every single INCH of PAIN that I feel, for having LOST my older brother!”

Dr. Maniac yawns, and bored, says: “I think not!”

And with his remaining flesh arm, pushes a button that activates a force field, which REPELS Woolbur's body OUT of Dr. Maniac's car! The remaining Power Rangers fire their power blasters at the car, but they can't even SCRATCH it! Dr. Maniac says: “I might have lost an arm today, on this, TUESDAY, but you'll SEE!!!! I'll simply REPLACE it with a mechanically SUPERIOR arm, one that will NOT fall to a MERE cutlass such as yours! You BORE me with your heroics, so I'll simply send two of my loyal Bio Beasts for you to remember me by. Aquaiger; Gargoyle Falcon; get BOTH of yourselves out here!”

And a Gill-man Robot, and a falcon-faced gargoyle robot BOTH appear by Dr. Maniac's side! Gargoyle Falcon, says: “You CALLED, Master?!”

Dr. Maniac begins to point with his left arm, but realizing he currently doesn't HAVE one, he points with his right! Dr. Maniac says: “Those POWER TWERPS COST me, my left ARM!!!! I want you both to 'play', with them! And by 'play,' I mean DESTROY!!!! And if things get TOUGH; call my SON, PRINCE Maniac to FINISH the job!”

Aquaiger doubtingly says: “I don't know. Your son really doesn't LIKE to fight! He'd rather play music and sing than fight!”

Dr. Maniac loudly screams: “I don't care WHAT my son WANTS!!!! He is going to be a respected, smart, intelligent, extremely crafty scientist LIKE his FATHER, and he is GOING to LIKE it, whether he wants to or NOT!!!! GOT IT?!!!”

Gargoyle Falcon SLAPS Aquaiger hard, and Gargoyle Falcon says: “Exactly, STUPID!!!! As if it really MATTERS what any of US, think! All that matters is what Dr. Maniac thinks!!!! Let's do this thing! Dr. Maniac, hurry back to your secret lair and take care of that wound before it festers and infects you!”

Dr. Maniac sighs, and says: “Very well, then. Just don't TAKE too long, here!”

And Dr. Maniac zooms away! And the S.P.D. Shadow Ranger appears in the fight! Woolbur asks: “Sky?!”

The Shadow Ranger removes his helmet, and it's ANUBIS 'Doggie' Kruger! Kruger says: “No, it's me. Sky is still REELING from what happened to Ramone Fleeceley. He appears to be in shock. So I'm resuming my duties as Shadow Ranger until he gets better! For now, my fellow Rangers, these Bio Beasts need to be taught a lesson! Capture with extreme prejudice!!!! For RAMONE!!!!”

The other Rangers simultaneously say: “For Ramone!!!!”

And with a flurry of kicks and punches, the five Morphed Rangers lay the beat-down on Aquaiger and Gargoyle Falcon; even JUSTIN manages to get a few hits in! Justin asks: “STILL think I'm the WORST Ranger EVER?! At least I NEVER died in a fight!”

Bridge discreetly says: “Ix-nay on the ied-day!”

And points to Woolbur Fleeceley, still seething with anger on what Dr. Maniac DID to Ramone! Kruger says: “Rangers, time to pass judgment!”

And they all pull out their judgment scanners! And sure enough, BOTH of the monsters come up guilty! Kruger says: “Judgment scan, confirmed! Execute! FINAL JUSTICE!!!!”

And they fire their blasters, and CAPTURE the two monsters on visual, high-tech confinement cards! Then suddenly, a stunning young human man appears, although he looks MUCH more like a ROCK star, than he does the son of a maniacal scientist! Prince Maniac says: “What have you done with my father's loyal Bio-Beasts?!”

Justin defiantly says: “Your Bio-Beasts were GUILTY of Murder in the First Degree! Woolbur Fleeceley just lost his older brother, thanks to YOUR father's loyal goons!”

Z sighs, and says: “Justin, JUST stop TALKING; you're not HELPING!!!!”

Prince Maniac mockingly says: “Oh, boo-hoo-hoo! I wanted to pursue a career in music, but NO!!!! Doctor Maniac doesn't want me to become anything LIKE JUSTIN Bieber!”

Justin defiantly says: “HEY!!!! I was a JUSTIN LONG before HE ever came around to ruin THAT name!”

Prince Maniac says: “Irrelevant!!!! I'm going to fight you the only way I know how! With MUSIC!!!!”

Woolbur Fleeceley stops seething, and weirdly asks: “With WHAT?!!!”

 

And without any warning, Prince Maniac starts playing a song that was ORIGINALLY performed by the MUSICIAN, Prince! Although the music doesn't HARM the Rangers, it STILL causes chaos and confusion, and Prince Maniac's scientific instruments cause the Rangers to hallucinate and experience themselves in a cartoon, animated experience as they have to fight a bunch of Dr. Maniac's Mecha Clones!

Prince Maniac sings: “1, 2, 1, 2, 3! Yeah! I was working part time in a five-and-dime; my boss was Mr. McGee! He told me several times that he didn't like my kind, cause I was a bit too leisurely! Seems that I was busy doing something close to nothing! But different than the day before! That's when I saw her; ooh, I saw her! She walked in through the out door, out door! She wore a raspberry beret! The kind you find in a second hand store! Raspberry beret! And if it was warm, she wouldn't wear much more! Raspberry beret! I think I love her! Built like she was; she had the nerve to ask me, if I planned to do her any harm! So, look here! I put her on the back of my bike; and we went riding; down by Old Man Johnson's farm! I said now, overcast days never turned me on! But something about the clouds and her mixed! She wasn't too bright! But I could tell when she kissed me; she knew how to get her kicks! She wore a raspberry beret! The kind you find in a second hand store! Raspberry beret! And if it was warm, she wouldn't wear much more! Raspberry beret! I think I love her! The rain sounds so cool when it hits the barn roof! And the horses wonder who you are! Thunder drowns out what the lightning sees! You feel like a movie star! Listen; they say the first time ain't the greatest! But I tell ya, if I had the chance to do it all again! I wouldn't change a stroke, cause baby, I'm the most! With a girl as fine as she was then! Raspberry beret! The kind you find in a second hand store! Raspberry beret! And if it was warm, she wouldn't wear much more! Raspberry beret! I think I...I think I...I think I love her! Raspberry beret! The kind you find in a second hand store! Raspberry beret! Tell me! And if it was warm she wouldn't wear much more! Raspberry beret! I think I love!” /

 

And the song immediately ends when all the Mecha Clones (black robots with silver faces, and red eyes) are destroyed, along with Prince Maniac's uniquely shaped guitar! Prince Maniac asks: “What did you do THAT for?! I was going to be a ROCK star once my father succeeded in destroying you BRATS!!!!”

Justin scoffs, and he says: “Are you KIDDING ME?!!! Your father is NEVER going to let YOU be a rock star! He's just USING you to further his OWN evil ends! What makes YOU think he will EVER give YOU what YOU want?!”

Kruger angrily says: “JUSTIN!!!! Did I EVER tell you the story about what happened to the BOY who kept TALKING when he clearly SHOULDN'T be?!”

Justin says: “Sure!!!! He was...”

Than Justin gets the DRIFT of what Kruger is trying to say, and Justin embarrassingly says: “OOPS!!!!”

Prince Maniac says: “I don't want to fight you. I'd rather turn myself in and do whatever I can do to stop my father from hurting anyone else.”

Sydney asks: “You're willing to give yourself up, just like that?”

Prince Maniac says: “The only thing I've ever done WRONG, is wanting to BE something that my father doesn't APPROVE of! I am INNOCENT!!!! Judge me now, for who I am! Or am I to be blamed for a CRIME, I DIDN'T commit?”

And Prince Maniac looks in Woolbur's direction as he says that! Kruger sighs and says: “Our rules are clear. We CLEARLY have to give Prince Maniac a fair judgment. If he's innocent, he has NOTHING to worry about! If he's guilty, Dr. Maniac can look forward to joining up with him in jail!”

The Rangers pull out their judgment scanners, and to EVERYONE'S surprise, it turns up INNOCENT!!!! Bridge weirdly asks: “He's INNOCENT?!!!”

Kruger says: “Rare, yes. But not unheard of. In that case, we'll take you up on your offer. Come help us, and work with us to create a better future. And maybe, you can show Woolbur Fleeceley that humans who AREN'T the Power Rangers aren't all that bad!”

Prince Maniac smiles, and he says: “Rangers, I would LOVE that! And maybe, people will FINALLY start to APPRECIATE me for MY music!!!!”

Everyone laughs, until they hear a SICKENING...ROAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Rangers look, and they see that Prince Maniac has FALLEN down DEAD, due to FIRE burns, and they look ahead, and see the notorious Psygorn, a three-faced psychic monster! Psygorn laughs, and he says: “No son of Doctor Maniac's is going to turn TRAITOR on us! Oh, Doctor MANIAC!!!! These Rangers just KILLED YOUR ONLY SON!!!!”

Dr. Maniac's image appears via hologram in the air, and he has JUST finished installing his cybernetic arm to replace the one he lost! Dr. Maniac loudly screams: “WHAT?!!! How could you?!!! Was taking away my ARM not enough for you CREEPS?!!!”

Justin pleadingly says: “But we didn't DO it!!!! It was Psygorn's fault!!!!”

Dr. Maniac yells: “LIAR!!!! How DARE you LIE to ME!!!! Psygorn is my TRUSTED ally! He would NEVER betray ME by killing my only son!!!! I'll NEVER forgive ANY Power Rangers alive! Now, or EVER!!!! One day, when you LEAST expect it, I will EXTERMINATE ALL ORGANIC LIFE on EARTH, and I'll HAVE MY REVENGE ON YOU, for taking away my LOYAL SON to ME!!!!”

And Dr. Maniac's image disappears, and Psygorn chuckles, and he says: “So long, MURDERERS!!!!”

And Psygorn disappears before any of the Rangers' blasters can hit him!

Woolbur angrily says: “I can't believe this! This is UNACCEPTABLE! Simply unacceptable! Dr. MANIAC!!!! If it's the LAST thing I do, I'LL; GET YOU FOR THIS!!!!” /

 

Toby says: “WOW!!!! No wonder you were so hostile to ME when you first met me! You must have still been reeling from what must have been a recent loss to you!”

Woolbur sighs, and says: “It still hurts a little; it will probably never TRULY go away, but I'm trying to deal with my pain in the RIGHT way, by NOT taking it out on others!”

Captain Retro says: “Queen Hedrian, the Magi Mother and I just got this piece of information off of her Magic Ball, just months ago. Ordinarily, I wouldn't have given this piece of information a second thought. But your sister thought it was important for you to know, what your father is TRULY concerned about! And SPOILER alert, it is NOT you!”

Queen Hedrian seriously says: “You are NOT going to turn me all Goody-Two Shoes, so DON'T waste your precious TIME!!!!”

Captain Retro seriously says: “Do you know the only REASON why you didn't get KILLED with Emperor Diabolica, three months ago?! It's because Omnus made a secret deal to SPARE you! He'd offer each of them a Ranger of their CHOICE to give powers to! The Blood God? He got Usagi. The God of Pleasure? He got Ebony? T'zeen...the Chaos God that Drako used to worship, decided to split between Toby and Lettuce, which is why THEY aren't affected as bad as Usagi and Ebony are; because they only got HALF of his attention! And that LAST Chaos God, the nicest one; he got Pinkie. I'm sure that even NOW, he's trying to send thoughts into your head that aren't YOURS, Pinkie!”

Pinkie says: “You mean THAT'S the reason why I have to distract myself ALL the time?! Because Ner...HE; has been sending thoughts into my mind?!”

Captain Retro says: “Sad to say, your Pinkie sense has always made you more sensitive, and more attuned to matters that are NOT of your own dimension, Pinkie! That's why you always feel like somebody's watching you; and why you have a tendency to break the Fourth Wall, even though we HAVE no Fourth Wall to speak of, it's because the Nice Chaos God is trying to make you DOUBT yourself; he's trying to make you go crazy!!!!”

Pinkie asks: “But why would the NICE Chaos God do that?!”

Captain Retro says: “You neglect the most IMPORTANT part of that information! He IS nice, but he is STILL a Chaos God! And their standards of niceness, are CLEARLY not the same as any of yours!!!! You should just consider yourself lucky, that YOUR Chaos God, didn't decide to do anything WORSE to you! Anyways, Queen Hedrian, THAT'S why you are still alive today! Because Omnus went out of his WAY, to spare you!”

Queen Hedrian asks: You did that, for ME?!!!”

Omnus sighs, and he says: “I foresaw that Rito Revolto would fall in battle to the forces of the Chaos Gods. I couldn't BEAR the thought of the same thing happening to you! If I did not intervene when I did, Radiguet would have had YOU killed, to! And Usagi would have LONG lost control over her emotions, without YOUR powers to keep her in check!”

Captain Retro says: “Just watch this for yourself. Than decide whether or not you STILL think being evil is a good idea! Because SPOILER ALERT; it's NOT!!!!”

Queen Hedrian says: “I'll be the judge of THAT!!!!” /

 

Approximately four months ago, in May of 2178. Master Vile arrives back on his own home world, the self-titled Master Vile Planet One; or M.V.P.1., for short. From the outside of the galaxy, all the lights in the galaxy have APPEARED to have gone out, but from Master Vile's home world, the stars in his galaxy STILL shine brightly! The outside cover of darkness is completely PERFECT, for his meeting with Professor Bias! A male figure, hidden in shadow, speaks sinisterly: “You made it here on time; good. I wouldn't want to have to KILL any innocent MINIONS of yours; most notably, those STUNNING female Rangers of yours!”

Master Vile says: “I call them my Mighty Morphing Katana Rangers, Professor Bias! Those Zero Girls that Fuhrer Saturn has, don't have ANYTHING on THOSE babes!”

Professor Bias says: “Yes, that Fuhrer Saturn IS a complete IDIOT, compared to us, but there is a chance that he could be...of use to us, in the near future. Emperor Diabolica is making a critical error, and soon, there will be a NEW evil to threaten Core Earth!”

Master Vile asks: “Is it the Dark Kaiser?”

Professor Bias says: “No. As a matter of fact, it is an evil that you are NOT familiar with! Are you aware of a thing called the Multi-verse?”

Master Vile says: “I am aware that the CURRENT Power Rangers team calls themselves the Multiverse Force. Are you saying there is some significant connection?”

Professor Bias says: “Yes. There is a REASON why those Rangers look so DIFFERENT from all the OTHER Ranger teams the two of US have been USED to fighting; they have been specifically assembled from different dimensions; dimensions that USED to be separate from each other, but through some STRANGE twist of fate, have found their dimensions converged with each other!”

Master Vile says: “I've been studying the stars and the planets. It seems that there was a RARE galactic alignment! Perhaps it allowed the dimensions, that were once separate, to join each other, for a great, singular purpose!”

Professor Bias asks: “Any idea what that might be, yet?”

Master Vile says: “Long ago, my daughter, Rita Repulsa, when she was STILL evil; made a rare moment of clairvoyance when I was first teaching her to utilize her evil powers. She foresaw a time when the great evil being Radiguet, SON of the great Emperess Jooza and the great Emperor Satan; would one day threaten the ENTIRE Multiverse! Most notably, all the cities that a legion of forces, that called themselves 'Power Rangers', would hold near and dear. And those 'Power Rangers', would be the ONLY force that could stop him! I didn't understand what she meant back then. Now, I think I do.”

Professor Bias asks: “What do you mean?”

Master Vile says: “I just suffered a humiliating defeat, helping my STILL loyal daughter, Queen Hedrian! I utilized my great magic skills to end the lives of the Power Rangers Multi-verse Force by trapping them within a Dark Mirror Dimension, yet they managed to escape, killed THAT dimensions' Radiguet, and DESTROYED all of Queen Hedrian's monsters a SECOND time; all without needing to catch a break!”

Professor Bias asks: “And WHY should this concern us?”

Master Vile says: “You FOOL!!!! They had a combined power level of 51,000! And the blonde-haired girl, she has POWERS that haven't even AWOKEN yet! If she ever understood what she TRULY was, it would be DEVASTATING for our cause! Not to mention, it would inevitably draw the ATTENTION of Radiguet TO Core Earth, to CAPTURE those powers for himself!”

Professor Bias says: “But your daughter, the filthy TRAITOR Rita, or the MAGI MOTHER, as she now calls herself, SEALED Radiguet from EVER being able to attack Core Earth AGAIN!”

Master Vile says: “I did an energy reading of that Force Field! The cracks are small, too small for Omnus and Zordon to see, but I DETECTED them! Everything that Emperor Diabolica and Queen Hedrian are doing, has been WEAKENING the Force Field!”

Professor Bias says: “But Queen Hedrian FEARS Radiguet! Even OUR combined powers, such as they are, would be no match for Radiguet! Why would they DO something that would HELP Radiguet INVADE Core Earth again?!”

Master Vile groans, and says: “I'll bet you ANYTHING that Radiguet is sitting in some far off place, telepathically COMMUNICATING with her, PRETENDING to be the Chaos God, Khorne!”

Professor Bias asks: “What is Radiguet's angle?”

Master Vile says: “Simple. Radiguet feels that he has reached the peak of his powers, and it is STILL not enough for him! Radiguet feels that the only way to become stronger, is to TRICK the Chaos Gods out of the safety of the Chaos Realm! By trapping them in mortal bodies, Radiguet would be able to KILL them, and absorb their respective powers! It's what his Dark Mirror Dimension self tried to do, and actually SUCCEEDED in doing!”

Professor Bias says: “But you said the Power Rangers DEFEATED that Radiguet! How did they manage such a feet?!”

Master Vile says: “As far as I can tell, the Chaos Gods might have been absorbed, but their personalities remained intact. After taking a beating from the Power Rangers, the strain of maintaining his body AND his mind, became too much for Radiguet to bear, in addition to DEALING with the constant BICKERING of the Chaos Gods, and it drove him to SUICIDE!!!!”

Professor Bias asks: “But Radiguet can't repeat that trick in THIS dimension, can he?”

Master Vile says: Not on his own. I can't say for CERTAIN, but Radiguet is willing to make allies of his own, even if they AREN'T exactly the best CHOICE for him in the LONG term!”

Professor Bias shakes his head, and he says: “Radiguet never HAS been one for playing the LONG game! But what does this mean for our OWN plans, in coming up with the Anti-Life Equation?”

Master Vile says: “All I know, is that the Power Rangers managed to destroy ONE Radiguet; but that was actually a WEAKER Radiguet! The Radiguet of THIS dimension, is actually MUCH stronger! However, I have not yet had the time to deduce whether our Radiguet is the ONLY one LEFT, or if there are still OTHERS, in OTHER various dimensions, who could come to our OWN dimension, and wreak havoc HERE?! A Radiguet from ANY dimension, could be VERY dangerous to us! Even if the Power Rangers manage to defeat OUR Radiguet, it never HURTS to have our OWN weapon prepared, one that could END Radiguet's life, with but a single BLAST from our Anti-Life Cannon!”

Professor Bias asks: “YOU have an Anti-Life Cannon?!”

Master Vile chuckles sinisterly, and he says: “You didn't think that I was spending the better part of 10,000 YEARS just sitting on my LAURELS, did you?! Conquering a galaxy is easy! Keeping it from rising against you; that's the tricky part! That's why I searched for materials to BUILD myself an Anti-Life Cannon, for FIRING the Anti-Life Equation at Radiguet! I have the WAY to DESTROY Radiguet for good; all YOU have to do is come up with the MEANS, of figuring out this Anti-Life Equation! With Radiguet out of the way; the Universe would be all OURS for the taking!”

Professor Bias asks: “And what of your loyal daughter; Queen Hedrian? Does she mean nothing to you?”

Master Vile says: “As long as she remains LOYAL to our evil cause; I will give her ownership of Core Earth once Radiguet is gone! However, I recently intercepted a message! SOMEONE has LEARNED of our plans, and sent Queen Hedrian a FAKE message, from a FAKE me!”

Professor Bias asks: “But why?”

Master Vile says: “Why do you THINK?! If Radiguet is COMMUNICATING with Queen Hedrian, why WOULDN'T he be TRYING to keep tabs on US?! Radiguet would do ANYTHING to drive a WEDGE between me and my only loyal daughter! Radiguet might be trying to drive Queen Hedrian to despair, and drive her to SUICIDE! And Radiguet's only doing it, because it AMUSES him!”

Professor Bias says: “Well, After I was DEFEATED by the Power Rangers Life Force; I knew the Anti-Life Equation was going to be the ONLY thing that would gain me MASTER over them, would be a weapon that would cancel OUT the powers of the Power Rangers, no matter HOW strong they are!”

Master Vile smiles sinisterly, and he says: “With my powers, and your brains, we could make a VERY dangerous combination, if you're willing to accept my deal!”

Professor Bias leans into the light, and Master Vile is SHOCKED to see such a YOUNG, Asian looking HUMAN, appear before his eyes! Professor Bias chuckles, and he says: “Surprised that I'm the GREAT Professor Bias?!”

Master Vile says: “But how?!”

Professor Bias chuckles, and he says: “Let's just say that I learned how to CHEAT death a LONG time ago! You can't make an Anti-Life Equation WITHOUT having a LONG life, yourself?! Can you?!”

Master Vile says: “I guess not! It matters NOT what you look like! What matters is, can you DELIVER?!”

Professor Bias extends his hand forward, and he says: “I AM all in, Master Vile! Let's work together, to DESTROY the Great Radiguet, FOREVER!!!!”

And they both chuckle maniacally as their seeds of evil have been sown! /

 

Queen Hedrian looks positively shell-shocked, and she asks: “THAT'S the GREAT Professor Bias?! I had no idea that he would look so YOUNG!!!!”

Captain Retro says: “That's why it's important to NEVER judge things by their appearance! Professor Bias may LOOK young; but he is REALLY over 1,000 years old!”

Ebony says: “He ages gracefully!”

Captain Retro says: “That's because he steals the knowledge from OTHERS, to keep himself young! One day, he hopes to have an I.Q., of 1,000! With that, Professor Bias, thinks he will live FOREVER!!!!”

Coop says: “And needless to say, that would be a BAD thing!”

Captain Retro says: “Precisely! Fortunately, to achieve said goals, Professor Bias would need the minds of TWELVE other people, EACH with an I.Q., of 1,000; to achieve his goals!”

Toby hopefully says: “So it's impossible!!!!”

Captain Retro seriously says: “You are ALL Power Rangers! You should know by now that ANYTHING is possible, even things that are NOT necessarily good! See how that works?”

Lettuce says: “Is Professor Bias going to be an immediate threat?”

Captain Retro says: “The Magi Mother says he is not. It will take Master Vile and Professor Bias at LEAST twenty years before they complete their studies. Until then, you'll have Radiguet to worry about! And ANOTHER danger! Emperor Diabolica will be coming BACK!!!!”

Naruto shockingly asks: Emperor Diabolica?! But he disappeared through the Chaos Warp!!!!”

Captain Retro says: “To get STRONGER!!!! Do you know how STRONG Emperor Diabolica was when he fought you in that last battle? He had a power level of only 17,000. BlackHawk was ALREADY strong enough to fight him on a draw all on his own, and Usagi could have SLAUGHTERED him single-handed!”

D.O.G., asks: “But why isn't that what happened?”

Captain Retro says: “I'm afraid the Chaos Gods played a hand in this. It seems that they have plans for Emperor Diabolica. For what purpose? That, even the Magi Father doesn't know THAT yet! What we do know, is that the Magi Mother recently intercepted a conversation between the Chaos Gods through her Magic Crystal Ball! It may provide us with a clue as to what the Chaos Gods plan to do with Emperor Diabolica in the long run!” /

 

Three months ago, somewhere in the Chaos Realm, in June of 2178. The Four main Chaos Gods are sitting down together at a Round Table, so that no ONE of them, will be seen as more important than the other, even though the meeting IS being held in T'zeentch's realm, a fact that he is MOST pleased about! Khorne groans, and he angrily says: “Remind me again, how did T'zeentch get to host THIS meeting?!”

T'zeentch chuckles, and he says: “Simple! We played Super Smash Bros. 4 for the Nintendo 3DS to SETTLE in WHICH realm we would host this meeting, and I won!”

Slaneesh rolls his eyes, and he says: “Won my FOOT!!!! Wouldn't it just GAUL you to be INSULTED by such a dirty TRICKSTER like that?!”

Nurgle just says: “I just hope we can end this meeting quick, so I can get back to my wife and child! I wouldn't want them to be lonely without me!”

T'zeentch says: “Just me, this meeting will be worth it! Those CREATURES that came into our Realm, these 'Power Rangers' have presented us with a unique opportunity that we haven't been allowed in ages! Actually, in Ten Thousand YEARS, there hasn't BEEN an opportunity like this! Those Rangers came into OUR realm to ask for help!”

Nurgle says: “And we provided it for them! Right?”

T'zeentch says: “Oh, we're doing that, and SO much more! With the portals we used to send our Demon Hordes into their realm, we have an opportunity to keep those Chaos Realm portals OPEN for our own personal use! Using them, not only can we send our loyal generals there ANYTIME we want, we can also give the Power Rangers THOUGHTS; to help them become more...suitable for our needs!”

Khorne angrily says: “Just remember! Usagi is MINE and MINE alone!!!!”

Slaneesh defiantly says: “Why do YOU get Usagi?! She MAIMED me!!!!”

Nurgle scoffs, and he says: “You DESERVED it, for what you put Kras'hir and Usagi through! You're LUCKY Usagi didn't do WORSE!!!!”

T'zeentch seriously yells: “QUIET!!!! The POINT is decided! Slaneesh, let Khorne have his PRECIOUS Usagi, to act as his loyal Blood Knight Templar. It personally makes no difference to me!”

Slaneesh angrily says: “So why do YOU want two Rangers, Toby and Lettuce, to yourself, T'zeentch?!”

T'zeentch scoffs, and says: “I don't want BOTH of them! I only want whichever one proves to be...of more USE to me! I can't decide that from just a handful of battles that the two of them have had! I need at least ANOTHER handful to make an informed decision! Once I have made my decision, I'll free the one I don't want, and the one I do want, will work for ME!!!!”

Khorne angrily says: “That being Drako, wanted to work for you TO, you know!”

T'zeentch sighs, and says: “He would've disappointed me! And more importantly, he would've been disappointed by the Chaos Realm. I couldn't BEAR to put him through any more misery, so I decided to grant him a quick and merciful death, rather than put him through all the torture that I COULD have put him through!!!! Which I can't SAY is the SAME for what is HAPPENING to Emperor Diabolica; KHORNE!”

Khorne angrily says: “Emperor Diabolica WILL be useful to me! I just need TIME with him, that's all!”

Nurgle scoffs, and says: “Please! Even if you had a THOUSAND years; it would NEVER make a difference! He will NEVER be strong enough to DESTROY the Power Rangers!”

Khorne flashes a SLASHER smile, and he says: “I think a THOUSAND years will be JUST enough, to turn Emperor Diabolica, into a TRUE force of evil! Think of how much BLOOD he can SPILL, how many SKULLS he can CLAIM!!!! My Kingdom will become SO GLORIOUS!!!!”

Slaneesh scoffs, and he says: “I do not like this plan! It's too risky!”

T'zeentch says: “Personally, I agree with you. But you ALL know BETTER than to TEST Khorne's patience! We ALL know better! Khorne; feel FREE to train Emperor Diabolic; a thousand years if that's what you SO desire!!!! Just remember; if anything GOES wrong, it is ALL on your HEAD, Khorne!!!!”

Khorne sarcastically says: “Thank you for being SO understanding, MASTER T'zeentch!!!!”

T'zeentch angrily says: “And don't use SARCASM when ADDRESSING me, in my OWN realm! Just remember, even the OTHER Chaos Gods have ways of making things...uncomfortable for YOU, Khorne!”

Khorne says: “Very well then, we shall leave each other to their OWN wicked ways!” /

 

Toby asks: “What was THAT all about?!”

Captain Retro says: “The Chaos Gods have made plans for you. For what reason; I don't know. The Magi Mother thinks that they're preparing themselves for a great battle!”

Usagi asks: “Battle? What battle?!”

Captain Retro seriously says: “The Great War of POWER; that happened 10,000 YEARS ago!!!! The Chaos Gods ALL chose sides in that war; pitting forces against each other, turning former allies into enemies, setting off the chain of events that eventually led to the CREATION of the Power Rangers many years LATER!!!!”

BlackHawk asks: “Are you saying, the Chaos Gods are somewhat RESPONSIBLE for the Power Rangers being around?”

Captain Retro says: “Not directly. But it WAS because of their ACTIONS, that Zordon was eventually able to discover, and utilize the Ranger powers we have come to know and use so often.”

Naruto asks: “What should we do?”

Captain Retro says: “Remember this knowledge, and prepare yourselves! Queen Beryl will not be the only thing you'll have to worry about in the coming months! The Four Main Chaos Gods will talk to you in your minds; they'll make you doubt yourselves, make you think thoughts that aren't your own! The trick is, you have to learn NOT to listen to them!”

Lettuce asks: “We can do that?!”

Captain Retro sighs, and says: “It's not easy, but it CAN be done! BlackHawk has managed to do it. Granted, he's had a lot of practice, tuning out the voice of Chara, the voice of the Night Master, and the voices of all FOUR Chaos Gods!”

BlackHawk sighs, and he says: “I was the Blood God's FIRST pick; not YOU, Usagi!”

Usagi asks: “What did you tell him?!”

BlackHawk says: “As Captain Retro is so fond of saying; 'Shut up, Hannibal'!!!!”

Captain Retro says: “I've shown you all the relevant information you need to know. What's important for you now, is to rest.”

Pinkie asks: “But why?”

Captain Retro says: “You will soon be put to another test. And Woolbur Fleeceley, you will KNOW what to do, when the time comes!”

Woolbur seriously says: “Somehow, I do.”

Captain Retro says: “It is time for me to go, but I will see you all again, really soon!”

And Captain Retro warps out of there! Billy says: “Well, I think it's time the rest of us got going to! Don't worry, you'll get to see your new Power Vehicles really SOON!!!! You'll LOVE them!!!!”

And everyone who ISN'T Alpha Eight, Queen Hedrian, Omnus, Woolbur, StarHawk, or the main Power Rangers, warp out of there! Queen Hedrian asks: “What should I do with this information about my father?! He's really alive! Why is Radiguet trying to deceive me?”

Omnus sighs and says: “Some things, even an Eltarian CAN'T answer for you!”

Queen Hedrian seriously says: “Can't, or WON'T?!”

Omnus says: “If you want to get technical, both! There are some things you have to decide for yourself, Queen Hedrian. Someday, you'll find your own way.”

Queen Hedrian asks: “But how will I know which way is RIGHT?!”

BlackHawk says: “You're on your own in THAT department! Ebony; do you want to go and see a movie with me?”

Ebony says: “You don't have to waste your time with pleasantries on MY account!!!!”

BlackHawk says: “I'm not wasting time! I just want to see if we can work...something out, long term, between me, yourself, and Toby.”

StarHawk asks: “What are you suggesting?”

BlackHawk says: “I'm not sure, yet. We'll just have to wait and see!”

Omnus says: “Enjoy yourselves while you can, Rangers! This is only a calm before a new battle! And may the power protect you for when that occurs!”

Lettuce smiles, and he says: “We're not getting scared away now! You can always count on us to guard Core Earth! Right, Rangers?!”

The other Rangers simultaneously say: “Right!”

And they all put their arms in together, than jump up and shout: “Power Rangers!!!!” /

 

Episode Notes: First episode since “Origins” that was mostly a flash-back episode. This time, the Power Rangers actually get to SEE what happened, thanks to the Stone of Memories, an artifact that technically originated in “Power Rangers Dino Thunder;” but is revealed to have been around at LEAST since the days of “Power Rangers Turbo!” It is revealed that part of the reason for Radiguet's evil, is that his own MOTHER tried to MURDER him (though she claims she did what she did out of mercy). It is revealed that BlackHawk's and Coop's parents are the real LIFE Ace Little and Abby Mallard Little, who don't really resemble what their Hollywood counterparts are like! Captain Retro met BlackHawk when he was only seven, and was the first to realize his tremendous powers! It is revealed that the reality of “Camp Lazlo,” now falls within the reality of “Power Rangers Multiverse Force,” starting with this episode! BlackHawk finished the TRUE Pacifist Route when he was only 14, in the year 2015, freeing the citizens of the Underworld! First appearance of Flowey and Toriel. It is revealed that FireHawk has been BANISHED from Planet Hawkia since 2028, and she put a Lesbian Hex on StarHawk out of SPITE!!!! The name of Woolbur Fleeceley's older brother is Ramone Fleeceley, and he was SEEMINGLY killed in the year 2028! Woolbur Fleeceley is the one RESPONSIBLE for the LOSS of Dr. Maniac's left arm, forcing him to replace it with the cybernetic arm that everybody knows today! It is revealed that despite what Dr. Maniac has been led to believe, it is his own loyal minion PSYGORN, who is actually responsible for the DEATH of his son, Prince Maniac, because Psygorn didn't want Prince Maniac to become a TRAITOR to his OWN father! It is revealed that Master Vile IS indeed, still alive, and simply using the cover of darkness to work in secret WITH Professor Bias! First physical appearance of Professor Bias! It is revealed that Emperor Diabolica IS still alive in the Chaos Realm, and is currently being trained by Khorne for reasons that are STILL unclear as of now! First physical appearance of ALL Four Chaos Gods since “Cosmic Guardians: Part II.” BlackHawk decides to give a relationship with Ebony another shot, unsure as to where this potential relationship will lead to just yet. Featured songs in this episode: “Poor Unfortunate Souls;” and “Raspberry Beret.” /

 

Personal Notes: I was originally going to make THIS episode, just be part of another episode that I was already scheduled to write. But I realized that this whole flash-back episode was going to be TOO long to fit within the confines of what I had planned! So I decided to SEPARATE the two episodes! I made the flash-back segment become its OWN episode, and you'll see a PROPER action episode for the Power Rangers in my very NEXT episode! And believe me when I say, that the Camp Kidney segment, and Woolbur Fleeceley's segment with Dr. Maniac, will all become VERY relevant in the next episode! /

That's my episode idea for today! Enough said, true believers!