Skodwarde

[JCM]

135b. The Bad Girl Club for Anemones

SpongeBob runs excitedly into Patrick's house with the lost episode of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, originally banned from airing due to very dirty content. SpongeBob and Patrick dim the lights and hold their dicks as the episode starts. The Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy theme song plays, and then it cuts to a shot of Mermaid Man using a telescope to spy on the Abominable Anemone in the shower. Barnacle Boy asks if he can look through the telescope now, in case Mermaid Man "missed any of her evil", but Mermaid Man shoos him away and says that this is the job of someone "with eyes powerful enough to handle such a high-definition sight of such a villain". Once the Abominable Anemone is finished with her shower, she puts on her clothes and leaves the building. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy get into the invisible boatmobile and follow her, because it's not stalking if it's in the name of justice!

The episode is interrupted when Skodwarde knocks on Patrick's rock to berate him for leaving him cum-stained undergarments on his front lawn again. Patrick invites Skodwarde to watch the lost episode of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy with them, and when Skodwarde expresses his disinterest, Patrick tells him that there's enough anemone-on-anemone action in it to stave off blue balls for a year. Skodwarde reminds Patrick that he's a squid and that he always has blue balls, but Skodwarde decides to watch the lost episode with them anyway because he has nothing better to do.

As the episode continues, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy follow the Abominable Anemone to a hotel room, where a gathering of other anemones are located. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are horrified at the prospect of so many anemones getting together, which in the 1950s could only mean that they were witches and were getting ready to have a lewd, Satanist orgy. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy decide that the best course of action will be to observe the immoral activities through a window and take pictures for further "inspection" when they get home. When they look through the window, however, all they see are the anemones reading books. They knock on the window and ask when the lewd, Satanist orgy will begin, but the anemones scream and run out of the room instead of answering them. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy scream "Whores!" at the retreating anemones, and then they swim back down to their invisible boatmobile and drive home. Barnacle Boy asks what they'll do now, and Mermaid Man notices clothes dropping to the floor in Miss Appear's bedroom window. Mermaid Man takes out two pairs of infrared goggles, and after giving Barnacle Boy his, tells him to enjoy the show.

SpongeBob and Patrick turn off the episode, satisfied by the risquéness but saddened that they won't be able to watch and fap to it again. Skodwarde tells them that videotapes have "rewind" functions, and then he uses his god powers to rewind it for them. Skodwarde goes home to fap to actual anemone porn while SpongeBob and Patrick "enjoy" the lost episode of MM&BB one more time.

[Jjs Goodman]

136a. A Day Without Jerking Off

One day, SpongeBob was jerking off as hard as he could in the Krusty Krab kitchen to naked Kate Upton pictures. Skodwarde, getting annoyed with SpongeBob's constant orgasm sounds, boldly states he is the only one who can have orgasms that loud. SpongeBob continues his masturbation session, when he starts to cum all over the burgers, and the customers flee in disgust. Mr. Krabs gets furious at this, telling SpongeBob he can jerk off all he wants, but not at the cost of his customers. Skodwarde then magically makes a graph chart appear with the cold hard facts, gags to minute per ratios, and statistics of how much SpongeBob has jerked off in the past year. SpongeBob makes a bet with Skodwarde that he will not jerk off to anything for the rest of the day until midnight, and if he loses, SpongeBob must serve as Skodwarde's Loyal Bitch for the rest of eternity. If Skodwarde loses, he must give all his porn away to SpongeBob. They both make a deal.

Skodwarde and SpongeBob finish their shift, and head on home. While walking home, Skodwarde sees the strip club nearby, and he takes SpongeBob inside. He asks him if he is feeling horny, and SpongeBob tries to raise his hand on his crotch, but he uses his other hand to slap it away, not trying to give in. The strippers begin to flip their tops off, but SpongeBob quickly flees, as Skodwarde records it with his camera. He notices SpongeBob leaves, so he heads back outside. SpongeBob says he should really get home now, but Skodwarde says he has to show SpongeBob a very hot swimsuit competition going on. SpongeBob starts to get sweaty, but he then insists he goes home, and Skodwarde groans, as they do so. Skodwarde then turns the TV on, to some Hot Anemone Gone Wild Action, but SpongeBob changes the channel to the football game. Skodwarde changes it again to Kate Upton Gone Wild: The Series, and Skodwarde asks SpongeBob if he is feeling it now. SpongeBob replies he is feeling sweaty, and he then turns off the TV.

Apparently time goes very fast now, as SpongeBob says he should be going to bed now, nervously. Skodwarde gives a pedo smile, and pulls out a book. SpongeBob gets in bed, and Skodwarde says he is going to read a lovely bedtime story to SpongeBob, much to his dismay. The current time is 11:55, so Skodwarde has to read this as naughty as possible. Skodwarde, to make it really hot, changes his voice to Christopher Walken's, and begins reading Fifty Shades of Grey to SpongeBob, much to his horror.

SpongeBob feels his dick is getting hard from the beautiful narration, and the time is now 11:59. Skodwarde keeps trying to make SpongeBob cave in, but his dick is shaking violently. It then hits 12:00 midnight, and SpongeBob's dick explodes across Bikini Bottom, with cum covering the town. Skodwarde gets splattered in a pile of it, and SpongeBob is happy he won, and managed to get some cum sauce out. Skodwarde is beyond pissed, but a deal is a deal, so SpongeBob decides to spend the rest of the night jerking off to Skodwarde's God Porn of Himself, German Pornos, and Hitler Pornos.

Skodwarde meanwhile uses his god powers to clean up the cum, and he teleports it all to land on E.L. James' house, which gives her a naughty new novel idea: 69 Shades of Cum - "Coming to a book store this summer if your dick/vagina seeks more turn ons from the author herself."

[SpongeOddFan]

very hilarious episode, jjs.

[box]

Merry Christmas. Apologies for this being slightly late, but I wanted something to pass off as a Christmas present. A little cleaner than my last two guest episodes, but there's still some stuff in there, this IS Skodwarde, after all. 

 

136b. The Summer Blowjobs

It's June in the perverted town of Bikini Bottom, and after a long session of laced double dark deep-sea light diet cake, Mrs. Puff has randomly decided to change her school from a boating school to an elementary school where the only course is driving.. for adults. Because of this, Mrs. Puff decides to have her students partake in the wonderful, amazing past time of summer vacation. After handing out slips for free pornography featuring Bubble Bass at the Barg N' Mart, they then begin the Blowjob School of Sex and Supremacy On Top grand summer feast. They award the school's prestigious Cream Pie Award to the deserving House of Saxteenane, but because they put semen in the Who hash, the award is instead awarded to Grubbingyor, SpongeBob's House. Because of this, Mrs. Puff turns into The Huff and runs everyone out of the school, warning them with extra Bubble Bass porn and the SpongeBob Season 6 DVDs.

But at his House table, SpongeBob has been drawing some tentacle porn for Skodwarde out of pure hate, but he would like to spread the excitement to Mrs Puff, slash THE HUFF, so he decides to show Puff the notes. But, in a shocking turns of events, Puff is severely un-attracted by Skodwarde/Ricky Ricardo porn, so after earning the coveted status of "erectile dysfunction" just by peeking at it, she attempts to make a run for it, using her patented Puff Mama Hot Rod, complete with condoms and tampons for your "in-case-you-need-it" need, to escape. But SB uses his magic teleporting skills to break into Mrs. Puff's car, resulting in an exciting Japanese fighting-anything-esque brawl, resulting in the destruction of two villages and a cure for cancer. But Mr. Krabs must of course get his restaurant into the episode, so he plans it EXACTLY as the Puff Mama Hot Rod swirls out of control in order to have the cheap diner in the crash course of the car. This is also because Mr. K has recently began to desire Puff Mama sexy time again, 4/5 seasons later and many porn site viruses later.

 

So after the Hot Rod crashes into the Krusty Krab and spills ALL of it's condoms and tampons into the building, Mr. Krabs, like SpongeBob once did, floods the entire ocean with semen - so much that an orca in Antarctica can spot some stains on the rocks. Eugene gets the idea to turn the Krusty Krab into a full strip club with Krabby Patties on the side, and enlists Poppy as the main attraction in order to pay the money for the hole in the wall. So 20 minutes later, Mr. Krabs manages to change the ambience of the Krusty Krab solely by throwing blue and pink cardboard all over the walls, throwing a disco ball picture in the middle of the building, and have a boombox play mediocre 70s funk on loop.

Mrs. Puff throws Skodwarde out of the newly named Overly Krusty Krab due to the fact that he has so much sexual appeal that Mr. Krabs would have to buy approximately 9,654 janitors to clean up the mess each millisecond. Furious at this, Skod throws an entire used car lot at Mrs. Puff's school, resulting in many criminals and alleged sexual predators coming to the school in order to resurrect their emotionless leader. Skod then reluctantly takes a well-deserved summer vacation.

SpongeBob then proceeds to show Mrs. Puff the ropes of the Overly Krusty Krab, dressing up as a man with a monocle who has a mustache who has a long top hat and who has a gentlemanly British accent who requests a nice long buttocks-wiggling and offers $10 for Poppy's services. Poppy refuses to shake her ass in front of her worst student and loses a sticker she didn't have, which was actually very unfortunate because ten stickers results in a free make out session with the talking dog at the ShellShack and his singing. Mrs. Puff meets her first customer, Mr. Yukthomas Féyêdêmuffin and he requests a fine dance on the stripper pole as he would like to donate to the sperm bank that day.

 

Unfortunately, Puff does so bad that Mr. Féyêdêmuffin turns into sperm itself and flies into the distance, interrupting a production of The Anemone's Electric Boogaloo. Defying all odds, the Puff Mama Hot Rod repairs itself and Poppy instantly turns into The Huff, bouncing into the car and out of the establishment. But Mr. Krabs refuses to let her go and bounces into the car with her, resulting into a fast-paced driving scene which somehow also involves SpongeBob. Poppy and Eugene arguing the car, and in order to stop this, SpongeBob flashes his Skodwarde/Ricky Ricardo note in the car, resulting in the two going blind and the car blasting through an unfinished bridge, a retirement home, a bullfrog's bingo game, a 70s porno universe, and more. SpongeBob flies out of the car magically into the wonderful world of sunshine, lollipops and rainbows, and Eugene and Poppy are sent out of the car and to a Driver's Ed class being held in an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting room at a strip mall. Then the SB fandom bands together and flies Mr. Krabs and Mrs. Puff via jet and to a third-class Hawaii hotel where they profess their love for one another and live happily ever after, calling room service to change their bedsheets more than once day.
 

... but the Hawaii part was a dream. Instead Puff and Krabs suffer through a summer of driving class, ready for even more havoc caused by SB and Pat after this next commercial break.

[CDCB]

137a - One Coarse Meal Got Served

Mr. Krabs is looking at his favorite money porn site when SpongeBob barges in because who gives a barnacle? Knocking is for squares. Like pants! But anyway, they smell something burning and go to investigate. It turns out to be the smell of Plankton fapping to Mr. Krabs' first dollar bill which causes him to go in a rage about why in Davy Jones' Locker Plankton would fap to his dollar. Instead of explaining, Plankton activates a RustyBot which proceeds to rape them. Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob are offended by this abrupt cameo and try to protest, but Plankton shuts them up by having RustyBot rape them harder. To further up the torture, Plankton returns to his perverted fapping only to be interrupted by the godly presence of Skodwarde.

Plankton flees the scene because, in total disregard for continuity, gods scare the barnacles out of him. This gives Mr. Krabs the uncharacteristically sadistic idea to use Skodwarde to scare Plankton. Skodwarde refuses because it's against his standards to partake in character bowlderization. Annoyed but determined to make us lose all respect for him, Mr. Krabs asks to borrow one of Skodwarde's shirts. Furiously, Skodwarde refuses once again and summons an anchor to drop on Mr. Krabs' head. Furious that his own employee won't allow himself to be bowlderized, Mr. Krabs sneaks into Skodwarde's house that night and steals one of his shirts.

Unfortunately Plankton's W.I.F.E. refuses to listen to his tragic tale, insisting that he take some medications to put an end to his delusional ramblings. Plankton refuses to cooperate and storms off to the kitchen to eat some of his nasty Cum Burgers, cursing angrily at the electroencephalograph. But just as Plankton manages to swallow a bite of one of his Cum Burgers, Skodwarde uses his god powers to teleport himself into the kitchen and returns Plankton to his psychologically disturbed frame of mind. Desperately trying to find his "happy place," Plankton hides in the Janitor's Closet, only to find Skodwarde readily waiting to zap him. Fearing for his life and now suffering from intense levels of paranoia, Plankton crashes through the door and runs out of the Cum Bucket.

23 years later, Plankton is frozen in the fetal position while right outside of the Cum Bucket, Mr. Krabs suits up and reveals to the audience that he was torturing Plankton all this time with the help of his Skodwarde costume. Just before Plankton can make this shocking discovery for himself, Krabwarde leaps into the scene and scares Plankton out of the Cum Bucket. The electroencephalograph tries to counsel Krabwarde into finding other methods of torturing Plankton but he zaps her with a jolt of electricity and makes her explode.

The next morning, Skodwarde is out for a walk and finds Plankton laying on the road jerking off saying "Word on the street is, I'm jerking off to the road. The other roads are jealous." Skodwarde stops where he is and is about to explode Plankton for having a freakish fetish, but before he can, Skodwarde notices Krabwarde as he sneaks out of the Krusty Krab and prepares for another sadistic round of laughs. Furious and exploding large holes in the ground as he walks, Skodwarde determines the perfect way to teach Krabwarde a lesson for impersonating him and his god powers.

Krabwarde is in his office trying to devise a new way to get bowlderized when he hears a knock at his door. He answers the door and is surprised to find Plankton standing there without a trace of fear. Not even a "booga booga" grinds Plankton's gears which pisses off Krabwarde. But being the civilized product of bowdlerization that he is, Krabwarde politely asks Plankton why the barnacle he isn't scared. Plankton just stands there before revealing the worst of Mr. Krabs' fears...Mussel Airhead! Many years ago, Mussel Airhead visited Krabwarde and gave him a clam job but accidentally slammed shut, cutting off his family jewels. This required intensive surgery which led Krabwarde to have the massive manliness he has today.

Needless to say, Krabwade is terrified by Mussel and backs away as far as possible. He calls for SpongeBob's assistance, but he's too busy gazing sexually at Krabby Patties to notice. Plankton laughs maniacally as Mussel hops closer and closer until Krabwarde is so scared that he pops a boner which knocks into Mussel, sending him into the wall where he shatters into several pieces. Unfortunately, Krabwarde's massive pecker is also sent into the wall, crashes through, and gets stuck. SpongeBob hears the commotion and calls an ambulance. The doctors take one look at Krabwarde's unfortunate situation and insist that they have to surgically remove his aquatic nuggets from the wall.

They begin to perform the operation on Krabwarde and Plankton watches through the Krusty Krab window. But just as he's beginning to enjoy his revenge, Skodwarde shows up and offers to give Plankton a clam job, scaring the single celled phobic away. Skodwarde is angered by Plankton's refusal, so he summons Pole to land on Plankton and smash him into the ground.

[JCM]

138a. The Porn's the Thing

One day, a mailman walks into the Krusty Krab and looks for Skodwarde, who isn't at the cash register. SpongeBob takes a condom out of his pocket, blows it up, and twists it until it resembles Skodwarde. He then puts it at Skodwarde's post and uses it to talk to the mailman in a bad imitation of Skodwarde's voice. The mailman, however, instantly falls in love with the rubber Skodwarde, and once he grabs its anatomically correct penis, the penis explodes, causing the mailman to run out of the Krusty Krab in horror.

The real Skodwarde uses his god powers to replace the rubber imitation with himself, and when he picks up the envelope that the mailman dropped, he finds out that it's from the famous porn producer Bitchy Barracuda. He prepares to tell Mr. Krabs that he quits and embrace his new lifestyle as a pornwright, but when he opens the envelope, he discovers that his script was rejected. SpongeBob suggests that Skodwarde produce his porno at the Krusty Krab, but Mr. Krabs tells them both that people go to the Krusty Krab to eat disgusting, overpriced food and not to get off to random strangers bumping nasties. SpongeBob changes Mr. Krabs' mind when he tells Mr. Krabs that he can charge more if they do both, but Mr. Krabs warns that if it interferes with their jobs, he'll put a stop to the sex-filled performance.

A bunch of the biggest names in porn, including JCM in a cameo, come to the Krusty Krab to audition for the production, but as soon as Mr. Krabs mentions "work without pay", they file out after a short orgy. Skodwarde decides that SpongeBob will play all the parts, and SpongeBob is excited that he'll be able to essentially masturbate in public for two hours. Once the porn starts, a patron asks Skodwarde for a Krabby Patty. Skodwarde tells the patron to go fuck himself, but Mr. Krabs ain't havin' none of that, so he tells Skodwarde to put out or get out. Meanwhile, SpongeBob is pretending to be a nurse on center stage as he sodomizes himself with a dildo.

When a customer asks Skodwarde for a refill, Skodwarde fills the cup with his own semen. The customer doesn't complain. Another customer tells Skodwarde that his Krabby Patty doesn't have ketchup, so Skodwarde cuts off the customer's finger, sprays his blood on the Krabby Patty, and tells him that's ketchup. Mr. Krabs orders Skodwarde to replace the Krabby Patty and charge the customer again, but when Skodwarde repeats the order to SpongeBob, SpongeBob is too busy fingering himself to listen. Mr. Krabs gets so frustrated that he turns into Moar Krabs and conjures up a bunch of burnt patties for the customers to throw at his employees. Patrick then makes his contractually obligated appearance to say that he likes throwing food, and at the end of the production, SpongeBob and Skodwarde are covered in food, and Mr. Krabs is a thousand dollars richer. He tells them that they'll be doing porn every night from now on, and the episode ends with a creepy shot of SpongeBob laughing.

 

 

^ Seriously, that shit will give kids nightmares.

[CDCB]

138b. Rod-eo Daze

 

Skodwarde sits down in his living room and prepares to watch the latest episode of Skodwarde. In this amazing installment, SpongeBob and Patrick are engaging in an errotic staring contest to see who can stare the longest without getting a boner. But Skodwarde is not satisfied by the current premise of this episode, so he uses his god powers and summons a message in a bottle to shake things up. It turns out to be a message for Sandy, so SpongeBob and Patrick proceed to deliver it. Unfortunately their staring contest melted their brains, so they can't remember how to open the door to Sandy's treedome. The two barnacle brains try to waste precious time reading a book, so Skodwarde uses his god powers to give SpongeBob and Patrick paper cuts and brings Sandy to the ground where they lay whimpering in pain like the losers they are.

 

Before Sandy can read her message, SpongeBob and Patrick try to drown their sorrows in squirrel molestation. Sandy banishes them from her suit and proceeds to read the message. Her brother Randy has invited her to the Rod-eo which is Texas slang for "Orgy Party." But a mere explanation won't do by any means, so Sandy breaks into a gratutious song.

 

Sea monkeys you gotta wrangle

Pubic hair that might get tangled

Not too hard, or you'll get mangled

That's a rod-eo!

 

Tight as Neptune when you're squeezin'

But it feels mighty pleasin'!

I'll just do it, there's no reason!

That's a rod-eo!

 

Rod-eo! Rod-eo!

Yippie ti yay! Yippie ti yo!

Rod-eo! Rod-eo!

Yippie ti yay! Yippie ti yo!

 

Frost that critter like a fritter

Squeeze so tight with all your might

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaa-by!

That's a rod-eo!

 

Back and forth, let's head due north

Barrel bouncin', bareback ridin'

Come on, let's do it outside'n!

That's a rod-eo!

 

Rod-eo! Rod-eo!

Yippie ti yay! Yippie ti yo!

Rod-eo! Rod-eo!

Yippie ti yay! Yippie ti yo!

 

Before SpongeBob can question Sandy's ability to sing, she flies on over to dumb old Texas and makes a detour to attack the writer for insulting the state. After hearing a peculiar scream from the surface that somehow manages to penetrate the underwater world, SpongeBob concludes that Miss Cheeks is in danger of losing the rod-eo without proper team players such as himself. He asks Patrick if he would help him practice orgitizing for the rod-eo, but Patrick flees in fear of losing his "Virginia Tea." 

 

SpongeBob heads over to the Krusty Krab and finds Mr. Krabs in his office watching Tater, an errotic money movie starring Irma Serrano. But just as Filet Mignon is about to propose to Tater, SpongeBob unplugs Mr. Krabs' portable set and prevents him from seeing Tater's answer. This enrages Mr. Krabs to such a high intensity that he fires SpongeBob for the umpteenth time and banishes him from his office.

 

Plankton is having cyber sex with Karen in the Cum Bucket when SpongeBob barges in and starts spewing some "random crap about that squirrel thing," showing no regard for Plankton and Karen's privacy. Plankton berates SpongeBob for his insensitive behavior, but SpongeBob insists that he and Karen assist him in orgitizing with Sandy at the rod-eo. Although Karen is flattered when SpongeBob says she has the perfect screen for the job, Plankton misinterprets this compliment as a proposal for adultery and pulls out an explosive device which scares SpongeBob away. Unfortunately, he accidentally trips over Karen's cord in the panic, knocking her over and causing irreparable damage.

 

Even Gary refuses to partake in this orgitzation, so SpongeBob does the one thing he can do. He goes into Skodwarde's secret library and steals his handy guide on finding your "inner god powers." Studying each and every word of the page with incredible concentration, he soon masters the art of emulating the all-powerful god. Meanwhile, Skodwarde is furious that the network approved this abomination, so he uses his real god powers to teleport to Texas and teach SpongeBob a lesson.

 

That night, SpongeBob uses his bootleg god powers and summons all of Bikini Bottom to his pineapple. They wake up the next morning reasonably annoyed to be in SpongeBob's house all of a sudden and start yammering about it. But SpongeBob uses his bootleg god powers to seal their mouths and summon a magical flying dildo to take them all to Texas. When they finally get to Texas, the dildo takes them into the Austin Rod-eo Stadium Establishment where their minds are instantly corrupted by the phenomenon of all these orgitizing opponents.

 

Unfortunately the magical dildo goes a bit too fast and slides out from underneath the Bikini Bottomites, landing right next to the soon-to-be Rod-eo Champion for the third year running. The referee takes note of this and immediately disqualifies Sandy for using "artificial genitals." Sandy is about to beat the barnacles out of SpongeBob for making her lose the rod-eo, but Skodwarde suddenly jumps out of the crowd and summons an Alaskan Bull Worm to land on SpongeBob, causing such a blow to his head that completely forgets anything he ever knew about god powers. To finish it off, Skodwarde hypnotically manipulates everybody in the Austin Rod-eo Stadium Establishment to applaud him for his brilliant performance.

[So Sejima]

yay for someone watching his own show and breaking the 4th wall

[Clappy]

I highly enjoyed the song most of all.  Great job CD!

[ClassicNickelodeon Fan 1]

Do not worry Skodwarde fans, for a new episode shall come tomorrow!

[ClassicNickelodeon Fan 1]

Let's go SKODWARDE!

 

139a. Gramma's Meth Recipe

 

One day at the Shady Shoals retirement center, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are having a lemon party (bet you wanted to know that didn't you). While in the other room, Gramma (Plankton's grandma) is making a delectable substance for the residents of the retirement center. But that dastardly grandson Plankton comes along for his annual visit. To prevent interference, Gramma presses her "Hide My Meth!" button (available for 9.95 at your local weed shop).

 

However Plankton, being the super genius he is, is clearly able to tell that his Gramma is a meth-maker. Before Plankton can report his gramma to the cops, Gramma tells Plankton that she has blackmail of him, and in order to protect himself, Gramma requests Plankton to do a deed for her: destroy the KRUSTY KRAB!

 

To do this, Plankton is given a costume that, oddly enough, looks exactly like Gramma. About 3 hours after getting the fucking thing on, Plankton sets off for the Krusty Krab. When he arrives, SpongeBob interferes and mistakes Plankton for his grandmother (how stupid can you get?).

 

Blah blah blah, a bunch of shit happens between SpongeBob and Plankton blah blah blah the scriptwritter is getting bored oh here we go. Anywho, Plankton finally gets back to the Krusty Krab after 20 fucking hours of spending time with "his grandson." Once there, he sets off a bomb to destroy the Krusty Krab, the source of all evil and drug-stoppers.

 

However, the cops barge in and end up arresting Plankton for making meth in a retirement center. With the bomb still in place and ticking, the Krusty Krab ends up exploding and our heroes die on the spot.

 

THE END OF SKODWARDE...

 

 

 

 

 

...NAH.

 

 

139b. The Cent of Children

 

Leaving off where the last episode ends, Skodwarde revives the gang and the Krusty Krab with his ultimate godly powers...except something didn't go right. With the revival, Mr. Krabs has been turned into a pedo and he has a craving for molesting innocent children. Mr. Krabs ends up diving towards a little kid in the Krusty Krab, and what happens next is completely censored because the SBC-TV Network wouldn't let us air this creepy shit.

 

After that, Pedo Extraordinaire 1j1 pops up, making a cameo appearance. He invites Mr. Krabs to his Pedo Chamber to teach Mr. Krabs "The Ways of the Pedo." *insert trippy on-acid sequence here*

 

After the acid trip, morning rises. Mr. Krabs is ready to face the world, with his first victim being GARY THE SNAIL!

 

SpongeBob walks out of his pineapple with his pet Gary The Snail. Mr. Krabs is ready to strike. In the middle of their stroll, SpongeBob and Gary are confronted by the man, Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs, the reliable guy (in SpongeBob's eyes) that he is, asks SpongeBob to go do some chores over at the Krusty Krab. Initially, SpongeBob refuses because he doesn't have anyone to take care of Gary The Snail. However, Mr. Krabs offers to take care of the little snail, and with that kind of offer, how could SpongeBob refuse?

 

So far so good. Mr. Krabs ends up taking Gary back to his home to get a woman's suit and ends up taking Gary to the Penny Arcade downtown. Once they arrive, Mr. Krabs entices Gary with a few arcade games. At quarter past 1, the Pedo makes his strike. He smuggles Gary into the women's bathroom, almost getting caught by a police officer, but Mr. Krabs takes care of him by saying he's "pregnant."

 

Mr. Krabs locks the door on the stall. It's time to strike. Gary is wondering what the hell is going on and why the old sweaty guy is taking his clothes off...oh my god he's getting raped by a pedo. Mr. Krabs is making the attack...what can Gary do now? Just then, out of nowhere, a rumbling sound is heard in the distance. What could it be? Well, only the sound of more than a billion arcade tokens rushing towards the bathroom stall!

 

*black*

 

Mr. Krabs ends up waking up inside the Bikini Bottom Hospital. SpongeBob, Skodwarde, and Gary are there visiting. When Mr. Krabs gains more consciousness, he asks what the hell went down back there. SpongeBob responds by saying that due to a magnet stuck inside Gary's shell, a billion tokens came towards them, knocking Mr. Krabs out (luckily Gary was able to hide inside his shell). Also, unknowing to any of the gang, Mr. Krabs has returned back to normal.

 

After SpongeBob's re-account of what happened after Mr. Krabs was knocked out, the guys have a good laugh. 1j1 pops out in a corner and winks at Mr. Krabs, who ends up winking back at the pedo.

 

THE END?

[CDCB]

That was a 1j1-derful episode.

[Old Man Jenkins]

Finally caught myself up after being so neglectful for quite some time. Funny shit, gaiz, funny shit.

[SpongeOddFan]

great  episode, CNF

[Jjs Goodman]

Please note that 137b and 140-142 were already posted on the previous pages. Feel free to re-read them in their intended order. Now, without further ado...

 

German Narrator: Patchy ze Buut Pirate Prezuntz!

 

*Patchy's basement door opens*

Patchy: *stops fapping to Skodwarde* A BOY?! *grabs a pack of condoms* It's a Skodwarde special!

 

143. CSI: Bikini Bottom Volume II - Who Killed Skodwarde Testicles?

 

 

One day, SpongeBob was about to make a freshly smoked up Krabby Patty, when he discovers they are all out because Skodwarde was selling off the joints to his Nazi Squid cult. Mr. Krabs is furious and pops a massive boner, sending Skodwarde into the wall, and Skodwarde threatens to summon Mussel Airhead again if he does that, causing Mr. Krabs to piss his pants in fear. Mr. Krabs then tries to stir up a new freshly smoked recipe with SpongeBob, but Krabs and SpongeBob cannot decide what it was. Mr. Krabs then remembers he placed the recipe in a magical place called "Teh Pot", a place faraway from Bikini Bottom, and gives SpongeBob the key to unlock it. SpongeBob protests on why Skodwarde can't just use his god powers to bring it here, but Skodwarde replies that'd ruin the whole point of this episode. They then come to the train station, but unfortunately the only train available is the Rusty Train owned by the infamous Rusty Wilkerson, to the delight of a rape smile on Rusty's face. Plankton also sneaks on because why the fuck not?

 

After boarding the train, The Buttler offers to give them ass-jobs, but they all decline his offer. Rusty, LAT, Trophy, Dale, SOF, and OMJ all welcome the guests aboard, and Rusty is actually having a big ass orgy party, including many famous celebrities, such as: Russell Crowe, JCM in a cameo, and for some reason, Timmy Turner's dad. Skodwarde, Patrick, and SpongeBob all begin settling in and what not when SpongeBob suddenly loses the key to Teh Pot. Skodwarde is furious on SpongeBob's stupidity and threatens he is going to beat him with a 12 inch dildo, when suddenly the lights go out. Everyone has a panic attack, and the lights come back on...to reveal Skodwarde was stabbed via a knife. He fell dead to the ground, and the train came to a stop.

 

SpongeBob and Patrick began to panic, because now without the main lead, who will lead the show now? Rusty says nobody will be stealing his prey tonight, so he calls a bunch of crime investigators come to the scene, including: Horatio Caine, the Scooby-Doo gang, The God of Supremacy Orange Cop, and Funky Cops. A bunch of reporters from FAUX News were there to over-exaggerate it as much as they could. The investigators all vowed they will get to the bottom of what twisted bastard did this. SpongeBob and Patrick then reveal they have gathered some suspects, along with their reasonings on why.

 

Suspect #1: Rusty Wilkerson - He rapes and kills people. What else is there?

 

Suspect #2: Plankton - That little green shit would do it, you know it.

 

Suspect #3: The Buttler - He seemed awfully offended that Skodwarde denied his ass job offer.

 

Suspect #4: Russell Crowe - Because he's motherfucking Russell Crowe bitch. He'll whoop anyone's ass. Have you not seen this video?:

 

Suspect #5: Old Man Jenkins - OMJ is furious he has lost rights to Skodwarde, so he decided to end his own character.

 

Suspect #6: Timmy Turner's Dad - Because he wanted to be a suspect.

 

The investigators tell SpongeBob and Patrick these facts were terribly gathered, and JCM adds that they need cold hard facts, statistics, and gags to minute per ratios to prove that one of them did it. Rusty says he may be fucked up, but he would not fuck with a god. The Buttler says it is too cliche to assume it is him. OMJ tells them to read a new Community Deathmatch because it was totally not him, and he's too old to be a killer. Timmy Turner's Dad was escorted out for not being a possible suspect. Plankton refused to comment. Finally, Russell Crowe beat up the interviewer, so thus, we could not get any info out of him either. 

 

As everyone began to argue and throw out accusations, the Funky Cops were running a scan of the dildo knife, and they were about to reveal who the fingerprints matched to, when suddenly gun shots fired and both fell to the ground. Everyone began to flip shit, when suddenly, as if by a miracle, Skodwarde appeared in front of all of them. He reveals he brought himself back to life because this is Skodwarde, bitch! He then reveals to all of them that the culprit was...

 

...

 

...

 

FIND OUT NEXT WEEK, ON THE NEW DRAGONBALL Z!

 

...

 

Nah, just kidding. It was...

 

OMJ.

 

M. Night Shymalan then appears from the crowd, and shouts "WAHT A TWEEST!", as he goes back to filming his next (most likely) failure. Trophy is angry at the predictability of this twist, and everyone stares at OMJ with the "shit's going down" look. OMJ steps up and confesses to the crime, saying he had to take down his own creation, because he was getting too damn powerful. He reveals that's exactly why he tried to destroy Skodwarde with Episodes 140-142, but the new crew said "aw hell naw". OMJ wanted to take rights back from Jjs, JCM, CDCB, and CNF, but they gave him a condom and slammed the door shut on him. OMJ decided to do this stuff up in Bel Air since his mother got scared. That's the story man. Skodwarde then threatens to throw OMJ into a pit of fire for the rest of eternity, when suddenly OMJ hijacks the train and hightails it out, claiming he is going to take all the drugs from Teh Pot. Rusty is furious his train was stolen, so everyone begins to chase after the train in a whacky chase scene, involving Scooby-Doo doors. OMJ at one point zoomed pass the Land of Sodor, where Thomas protested this abrupt cameo, but OMJ began causing accidents at every corner, and ran over Sir Topham Hat. He briefly stopped to get some free blow-jobs at a porn club, and continued on his quest.

 

The train was getting close to Teh Pot and Skodwarde used his powers to teleport everyone to Teh Pot. It is a cocaine factory in the middle of nowhere, and the Rusty Train went smashing into it. OMJ came out, and he started having back pains, but OMJ was arrested by the Funky Cops, who were resurrected by Skodwarde. SpongeBob went inside and the crackhead owner of the place named Juanhulio gave SpongeBob the safe with the recipe. SpongeBob then realizes they forgot about the key, but Skodwarde reveals the key was up his ass. He tells SpongeBob to reach up there to grab it, causing a disgusted look on SpongeBob's face. As Rusty is about to rape OMJ for stealing his train, OMJ says he cannot be arrested, so he manages to do a roundhouse kick on the Funky Cops and escapes. Skodwarde then quotes Cowboy Bebop for pop culture needs, saying, "See you soon, space cowboy..."

 

Epilogue:

 

SpongeBob, Skodwarde, and Patrick returned to their normal lives. Rusty and his crew continued their rampage of raping people. Russell Crowe continued to make music, make movies, fight around the world, and do not forget his name. Timmy Turner's Dad continued to appear in new Fairly OddParents episodes despite how progressively worse and worse they get. JCM still makes cameos. Horatio decided to retire since CSI: Miami has not been relevant since its cancellation. The Scooby-Doo gang get ready for their next potential DTV movie or show, whichever comes first. The Funky Cops continued to be obscure. The God of Supremacy Orange Cop gave Skodwarde a ticket for breaking the laws of physics in this episode. Finally, OMJ continued to host some back-alley wrestling matches with SBC users, and he even decided to battle Russell Crowe once, but unfortunately lost because Russell Crowe is Russell Crowe. What a story, Mark.

[CDCB]

Time to revive Skodwarde Shorts! I've been given the go to do this, and once in a blue moon we will be skod-ifying SpongeBob shorts. To go along with the newest special...

 

Who Killed Skodwarde Testicles? Short 1: What if the Mystery Ended This Way?

 

Rusty Wilkerson

Spoiler

Rusty steps up and reveals that he tried to go on a raping rampage with Skodwarde, but found it very difficult because you can't rape a god. Eventually Rusty was so pissed off that he stabbed Skodwarde

 

Plankton

Spoiler

Plankton steps up and reveals that he wanted to try a different obsession for a change, so he killed the star of the show and was hoping to make it his own. Skodwarde is enraged by Plankton's twistedly diabolical plan and uses his god powers to bring Karen to the train tracks where she is run over.

 

The Buttler

Spoiler

The Buttler steps up and reveals that he was indeed dissatisfied by Skodwarde's sexual denial. Skodwarde is pissed and declares that he doesn't give Buttlers butt-jobs before thrusting the same knife into his assassin.

 

Russell Crowe

Spoiler

Russell Crowe steps up and reveals that he killed Skodwarde because he is prisoner 24601, and his time is up and his parole has begun. Skowarde is furious at this pointless Les Miserables reference, so he throws himself and Russell into a cage match and wins by sucker punching Russell's balls.

 

Timmy Turner's Dad

Spoiler

Timmy Turner's Dad steps up and reveals that he killed Skodwarde because he wanted to be a suspect. Skodwarde is disgusted by this pointless reference to a show that isn't his and banishes Timmy Turner's dad to 25 years of slavery to Dinkleberg.

[ClassicNickelodeon Fan 1]

[CDCB]

Who Killed Skodwarde Testicles? Short 2 - Molester and Twerky Mysteries

 

SpongeBob and Patrick are retrieving jellyfish porn for their Fiesta de Fapping when SpongeBob realizes he lost the key to the safe where he has it stashed. Because they have nothing better to do with their lives, SpongeBob and Patrick engage their donuts and turn into Molester and Twerky.

 

The hunt is on as the two detectives search through the Molester residence and find a Crack Track, indisputibly left by Skodwarde. Realizing that they're in a cheesy rip-off of a preschool show, Molester and Twerky attempt to flee the set, but Skodwarde uses his god powers to force the short to continue.

 

Twerky pulls out his Wanky Spanky Notebook and draws the likeness of the object the Crack Track rests on--a pair of his pants. Molester suggests the rather obvious solution but Twerky insists that they look for more Crack Tracks because the intelegence level of the Skodwarde audience has dropped significantly.

 

Molester and Twerky soon come across Mr. Ron and Mrs. Nana who tell them that they need help matching pairs of exotic pornos, but Twerky asserts that they ain't got no time for that crap and demands that they hand over the Crack Track before things get violent. Fearing for what remains of their cameos, Mrs. Nana hands the Track to Molester, just in time for him to jot down what ends up being a picture of Mr. Ron's butt. Molester is sure that they have the solution now, but Twerky won't listen to this crap and forces Molester to find the remaing Crack Track.

 

A random mailman who sounds like he's on heroine tries to stall the plot with the latest issue of PlaySkod, but Molester and Twerky fail to notice. They begin to wonder if they'll ever find that third Track when suddenly Twerky jumps into a pic, so Molester sings a special song:

 

Jump in a pic
While Skod rubs his

Spoiler

laces

 

The pic turns out to be nothing but a picture of a dumb old rock with...a Crack Track on it! Molester pulls out the Wanky Spanky Notebook and shows us how to draw a rock because children are such idiots that they can't compose a freaking circle. Then the duo realizes they have all three Tracks and hurries to their Humping Chair where Karen is sleeping after a relaxing session of cybersex with Plankton. Unfortunately Twerky's butt crashes through her screen and kills her. Molester suggests that they need to review all three Tracks which seems like a perfectly reasonable suggestion:

 

1. Twerky's pants
2. Mr. Ron's butt
3. A rock

 

Molester does a careful analysis of these clues and makes the highly educated suggestion that an evil pair of pants decided to twerk but was stoned to death by Mr. Ron for engaging in cultural memes. Twerky agrees with this and the two of them begin to celebrate when Skodwarde appears and points out that their solution had nothing to do with the location of the keys to the safe. He attempts to show them the correct location, but Molester and Twerky decide to engage in a non sequitor ending and twerk because why not? Skodwarde is pissed so he uses his god powers to put their faces on their butts so they can see how stupid they look.

[ClassicNickelodeon Fan 1]

Argh! Now it's time for a Skod Short!

 

Who Killed Skodwarde Testicles? - Short 3: CumShoe RoundBalls

 

*chorus sings CumShoe RoundBalls in the background*

 

One random night, SpongeBob is seen strolling in downtown Bikini Bottom, wearing his detective apparel. For some reason, he just can't put his finger on why he has been nicknamed CumShoe.

 

*steps on a pool of cum on the ground*

 

Oh, so that's why. Seems legit right? Anyway, SpongeBob pulls out his handy dandy...MAGNIFING GLASS! and examines the pool of cum on the ground. Not wanting good cum to go to waste, SpongeBob scoops it up and puts it in his mouth for safe keeping. After that, SpongeBob continues his midnight stroll until he steps on a miniature Skodwarde, who shrinked himself down to see how faping would be like for insects.

 

Now that SpongeBob stepped on Skodwarde, he thought to himself, "Now am I going to be called SkodShoe RoundBalls?" He didn't like the ring to it, so SpongeBob did the only logical thing possible: scrape Skodwarde off his shoe, take out the cum in his mouth, and smack it onto his shoe. Another mystery solved by the world famous CumShoe. Now where the hell am I again?

 

*chorus again sings CumShoe RoundBalls in the background*

 

THE END!

[CDCB]

Great short, CNF! Had me laughing pretty hard xD