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Skodwarde


Clappy

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It's a double Skod day, with a Skodwarde guest-write courtesy of the inner mechanisms of my mind.

 

119a. That Gullible Piece Of Shit

One day at the Krusty Krab, Mr. Krabs is in his office counting his stolen money when he breaks a fucking nail and cries a river of tears. Mr. Krabs then calls up the local Spa or whatever and schedules an appointment...DURING WORK (dun dun dunnnnnnn). Mr. Krabs then uses his trap door given to him by his Uncle Grandpa and attempts to escape unseen when SpongeBob, being the stalker he is, is waiting for him right at the front door. SpongeBob asks where Mr. Krabs is going, with Mr. Krabs saying he needs his daily Playboy and is putting SpongeBob in charge while he's gone. Skodwarde, tired after a night of masturbating, is woken up by SpongeBob, saying that "get back to work bitch!" Skodwarde then lost his temper and uses his god powers to hypnotize SpongeBob into doing all his work and the most dumbest word dance the world has ever seen. Mr. Krabs returns baffled, and demands Skodwarde to unhypnotize SpongeBob. This goes nowhere as Skodwarde does the same to Mr. Krabs, having him do the dishes and having SpongeBob continue his horribad dance routine.

 

119b. Overfucked

It's Monday night. Skodwarde is bored out of his fucking mind, just watching the Playboy and Nazi United channels on his TV set he got from SpongeBob from god knows when. Skodwarde falls asleep from all this boredness and hatches a naughty plan, to bring 20 of the most famous porn stars on the planet to him. Skodwarde, being the god he is, uses his powers to summon all of them with a blink of an eye. Skodwarde, being the ugly slut that he is, has trouble winning the chicks over. So, without thinking, Skodwarde summons Handsome Squidward over, causing every chick to strip at once and have a bitch fight to see who gets Handsome Squidward first. Handsome Squidward agrees that he will fuck each and every one, except the ugliest one on the list, #20, which has been left for poor Skodwarde (no Kate Upton for you bitch!).

Oh and there's some subplot with SpongeBob running around like a shithead everywhere, but you don't wanna hear about that do you?

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120a. No Condom for Patrick

 

One day, Patrick, Skodwarde, and SpongeBob were at a strip club. Patrick then talked about the first time he ever banged a girl at this strip club many years ago.

 

Many years ago, Patrick wanted to bang a stripper at the strip club. She agreed, and they began to get into some hot action. Unfortunately, Patrick did not have a condom, and didn't want to deal with the ideas of child birth. So he told her to hang tight, and he looked around for a condom. He went to the Krusty Krab and asked SpongeBob if he could have a condom. SpongeBob gave him a spare, and Patrick went back to the strip club. Unfortunately, Patrick couldn't stand up straight, and kept falling down off the bed when he put the condom on. The girl then just left the room disgusted at what a loser Patrick was, and Patrick was upset he couldn't fuck anyone. 

 

Patrick then asked Skodwarde if he could have a magic condom, so Skodwarde used his god powers to make his condom not make him fall down. Patrick then banged the stripper again, and he felt like he had become a man. However, the magic wore off, and Patrick fell off the bed again. Patrick didn't care though, because he finally lost his virginity.

 

We then cut back to present, and all three laughed. They then decided to screw some of the strippers there.

 

Note: JCM makes a cameo as the bartender.

 

 

120b. Porn Store of Doom

 

One day, SpongeBob and Patrick heard a new porn store was opening. So after some nautical nonsense involving OMJ in their house, the two interrupted Skodwarde during his masturbation marathon to come with them. Skodwarde was annoyed, but he agreed anyways, as all three went to the grand opening of the new Bikini Bottom Porn Store. They spent all night in it, jacking off to various pornos. However, they stayed too long, and began to get porn terrors. All three ran out of the Porn Store the next morning, and told everyone waiting outside to not visit the horrors inside the store. All the sweaty 40 year old fish outside though went in regardless, and racked up the shelves.

 

Also, for running time purposes, here's a useless sub-plot: Mr. Krabs watches a money porno while soaking in his bath tub of money. Did I mention he likes money? Mr. Krabs then goes to the porno store the next day, and buys all the money pornos he possibly can.

 

Note: JCM makes a cameo as the cashier.

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121a. Sand Wars

 

*insert a long Star Wars prologue here*

 

One day, SpongeBob and Patrick were goofing around at the Goo Lagoon. They both decided to build some sand castles, when Patrick destroyed SpongeBob's with a TIE Fighter sand model. SpongeBob then declared war. He built some sand Rebels, and they began fighting Darth Patrick's imperial sand army. Skodwarde was also there, and was pissed at the fighting since he couldn't jerk off to the beautiful scenery of the Goo Lagoon, so he used his god powers to turn this into a Star Wars parody, because those are not totally overdone. The Goo Lagoon went up in hell.

 

During the battle, SpongeBob Sandwalker stormed Darth Patrick's Sand Star, and he came face to face with him. They had a long battle with their Sand Sabers, as Emperor Skodwarde was there in the sidelines, when suddenly Darth Patrick had a "shocking" revelation to share with SpongeBob Sandwalker...

 

 

But in the end, SpongeBob knew Patrick was jacking with him, and the Sand Star crumbled to dust. They then laughed and ended their Star Wars role play, possibly considering another installment in the future if the SpongeBob writers even bother to use the Goo Lagoon again. Skodwarde meanwhile is pissed at the wasted potential this episode had, so he rebuilds the Sand Star with his god powers and blows up the Goo Lagoon...

 

...only to rebuild it again upon realizing he wouldn't be able to jerk off to the scenery. And so, this ends our story. SpongeBob and Patrick continued to goof around in the sand, as Skodwarde filmed a pornography at the Goo Lagoon.

 

 

121b. Shell Shocked

 

One day, Gary listened to "Shell Shock" by Gym Class Heroes for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2007 movie. He thought it was pretty cool, despite never have hearing of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles before. Gary then proceeded to marathon the three TMNT series.

 

Also, before the events of that, Gary's shell broke, and SpongeBob tried to fix it. But nobody would care since this episode is forgotten anyways.

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122a. Cum Bucket Supreme

Plankton is butt hurt about having no customers at the Cum Bucket so he tries a new strategy--subliminal advertising. Unfortunately, all his single celled brain can come up with is:

Cum is Sexually Explicit Material!

Karen makes a snide remark about the slogan. Just then, Patrick arrives to observe Plankton's failure but finds that Plankton's mediocre slogan is so sexually entertaining that his head catches on fire. As Plankton saves Patrick's life by splashing a Kelpsi on his head, hapless Patrick complains that the words turn his head on and most interestingly a boner is in fact protruding from Patrick's head. While Plankton takes some of Reed's Ginger Chews to recover from seeing Patrick's unsightly head boner, Patrick switches the letters around on Plankton's sign:

Cum is Fum!

Plankton is furious that Patrick altered his sign until Patrick points to a line of aroused customers who seem to think the slogan is interesting. Realizing that Patrick's slogan actually worked, Plankton increases his dosage of Ginger Chews and hires Patrick as the head slogan writer. Meanwhile Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob are watching Plankton through binoculars and jerking off when they realize that Plankton is making money off of that very same thing! Mr. Krabs won't have it so he and SpongeBob sneak into the Cum Bucket disguised as two sexy ladies who are eager to wank and try to join in the fun long enough to discover the secret behind the success of the Cum Bucket. Unfortunately Mr. Krabs is so involved in wanking that he forgets why he came there in the first place until Pole breaks the arousement and whines about her daddy being embarrassing again.

As Pole cries like a pathetic loser, Mr. Krabs overhears some customers talking about Plankton's catchy slogan, agreeing that cum is certainly fum. Mr. Krabs tries to break the news to SpongeBob, but he's too busy spanking his sea monkey to pay attention. Suddenly Plankton comes in, but before he can say anything SpongeBob has a massive orgasm and shoots cum through all his pores causing a massive cumbustion. After Scooter puts out the fire by jizzing on it, Plankton kicks out Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob and tells them never to return again. Plankton then proceeds to have cybersex with Karen, pleased at his progress today.

Following Plankton's massive success the customers are becoming tired of the Cum is Fum! slogan, so Patrick devises a new one:

Fum is Cum!

The new slogan is an incredible hit and Plankton is featured on the cover of PlaySkod magazine and has the once in a lifetime opportunity to pose with Skodwarde himself. Everything is working out perfectly until Patrick turns in a condom and announces that he's resigning due to the overstimulation of his sexual side. Plankton gets pissed off and tells Patrick that he can't quit while the Cum Bucket is in its prime and inadvertently cusses out Skodwarde who uses his god powers to overhear this unfortunate act of foolishness. Skodwarde calls out Plankton for insulting a god and says that he's appalled that Plankton would dare to insult a god after posing with him on a magazine! Skodwarde punishes Plankton by turning him into a condom (and also turning Karen into a vibrator) for all eternity, thus ending Plankton's short reign of success in the porn house industry.

 

~~~~~

 

122b. Sing Like a Skod!
 
Plankton arrives at the Cum Bucket, depressed after his slogan failure in the last episode, and getting turned into a condom. Karen decides to cheer Plankton up with some cyber sex but it fails to turn Plankton on long enough to forget about his miserable failings. Karen reminds Plankton that today is their wedding anniversary and Plankton's failure prevails when he tries to pretend he remembered. Karen shows Plankton the anniversary gift she got him--the Krabby Patty Formula! But he can only get it after he gives Karen a gift.
 
Depressed that he can't think of a good enough gift to please Karen, Plankton seeks the assistance of Skodwarde's god powers. Skodwarde is busy exploding innocent pedestrians when Plankton asks him for help finding the perfect anniversary gift for Karen. Skodwarde invades Plankton's privacy and asks about their sex life until he concludes that Plankton needs to sing Karen a song. Skodwarde gives Plankton a lesson on how to sing like a god, and Plankton's voice turns out to be so powerful that it shatters the writer's computer screen. Now that he's shown himself worthy, Plankton goes into the Cum Bucket and presents her with a present from his balls... I mean heart!
 
Oh, my Skodwarde
Oh, my Skodwarde
My sexy little Skodwarde
Put down your PlaySkod
Put down your PlaySkod
There's no time to wait upon
 
Oh, my Skodwarde
Oh, my Skodwarde
My sexy little Skodwarde
Your sexy powers
Your sexy powers
Ehhhh.... um, ehhh... AHA!
They really turn me on!
 
Oh, my Skodwarde
Oh, my Skodwarde
My sexy little Skodwarde
Your sexy cheeks, yeah, your sexy cheeks
Your sexy little cheeks are the fashion of the week
They are bloated, yes, they are bloated
They are bloated like... ehhh.., erm...
Like the boobs on Sandy Cheeks!
 
 
Before he can finish the song, Plankton is interrupted by Karen who is so enraged at him for having an affair with a god that she explodes all over the Cum Bucket. While Plankton mourns the tragic loss of his computer wife, Skodwarde zaps him with a jolt of electricity to finish the job.
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123/124: Truth or Square?

 

Patchy is waiting for his occasional fuckbuddy SpongeBob to show up at his Orgy Extravaganza. But when SpongeBob doesn't show, he gets worried. He makes his way to Bikini Atoll to look for him.

 

SpongeBob wakes up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy, and then realizes that it's the 69th anniversary of the Krusty Krab. He rushes down there for another massive orgy, but there is a line of people all waiting to get spanked. He knows that he cannot miss this prime moment, so he pushes past the wanton crowd to get the VIP access to the Krusty Krab that he deserves!

 

Mr. Krabs tells SpongeBob to guard his orifices, because those customers are thirsty. He also instructs Skodwarde to block up all the entrances so these damned teenagers don't get in anywhere. Skodwarde uses his fantastic jizz to block up all possible entrances.

 

Meanwhile, Plankton wallows in his self-despair as he hasn't even celebrated a 42nd anniversary. He decides to sneak into the Krusty Krab and steal the formula while all the patrons are stoned out of their minds.

 

Meanwhile meanwhile, Patchy meets up with his raunchy friend P!nk, who sings about how it's just him and his hand tonight.

 

Meanwhile meanwhile meanwhile, SpongeBob asks Mr. Krabs if he can decorate the Krusty Krab with his beautiful jizz. Mr. Krabs, remembering just how un-pretty SpongeBob's jizz is, asks Skodwarde to do it. Skodwarde's jizz adorns the Krusty Krab with flair. Mr. Krabs then hires Patrick to be the bouncer. Somehow, they all get locked in the freezer because Patrick fucks everything up, the little shit.

 

So when you're locked in a freezer and have to wade through Skodwarde jizz to get to the air ducts to try and get out but can't because you can't, what better way to pass the time than reminisce over stupid shit no one cares about? SpongeBob apparently has a similar mindset, as he tells the story about his first orgasm, which was of course over a Krabby Patty, the little sicko.

 

It's Mr. Krabs's turn to have a flashback, as he reminisces over his days as a swashbuckling stripper. He collected big bucks from everybody back in the day. Skodwarde informs the old geezer that nobody actually gives a shit about his ugly ass, and they remember that they need to get out of the air ducts. Try as they might, they can't permeate through jizz of steel. But this gives SpongeBob an opportunity to tell the gang about the time he and Sandy fucked. But it turns out it was just foreplay, and everybody is disappointed by SpongeBob's story.

 

Patchy, meanwhile, gets eaten by a whale. But who gives a shit?

 

Skodwarde decides that he must be a merciful God for once and allow for the walls of jizz to part. Everybody escapes, but all the customers are gone. SpongeBob sings a heartfelt ballad, but Skodwarde accuses him of selling out, and nobody comes back. Skodwarde uses his god powers to end one of the biggest clusterfucks of a Skodwarde episode.

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My last Skodwarde episode, guys! Y'all better appreciate.

 

125a: Pineapple Fever

 

SpongeBob and Patrick decide to go fuck some jellyfish, but Skodwarde uses his god powers to whip up a brutal sex storm, ending Sponge and Pat's orgy. SpongeBob and Patrick bolt inside SpongeBob's house, barring up the walls to make sure the sex storm doesn't penetrate his house. Skodwarde can't stand that SpongeBob is killing his buzz, so he busts up into the house and says MOTHERFUCKER FREEZE. SpongeBob and Patrick warn Skodwarde of the storm, but one look in Skodwarde's eyes, and they could tell he was the one who created it to begin with. They invite him to stay so as not to let him reach his climax. They suggest a game of dick dat hoe, but Skodwarde insists they don't play it right. So they pull out an erotic puzzle instead. As they try to figure out where the tits go, Skodwarde assembles the puzzle immaculately. But SpongeBob and Patrick accuse him of cheating, him being a sex god and all. Skodwarde then creates a new game entitled Stay the Fuck Away From Me, and he creates a border line with his... Sharpie marker. (What? Not everything has to be created with Skodwarde jizz, you know.) But Skodwarde soon realizes that he has no food on his side, so he uses his god powers to raid Spongebob's fridge from his side. SpongeBob finds out and a fight ensues, Skodwarde obviously winning. Skodwarde decides that he's had enough time mingling with the commoners and decides to put an end to the storm. But he leaves a SpongeBob's house in the middle of a tornado, because he's an asshole like that. Skodwarde flies majestically back to his house to watch Goddess Bitches Gone Wild.

 

125b: Cum Caverns (or 50 Shades of Sheldon)

 

Mr. Krabs is masturbating to the thought of money... again... when he faps so hard he loosens a floorboard in the Krustier Than Usual Krab, revealing the secret formula underneath. Plankton catches wind of this and figures out that he needs to go deeper in order to get the goods. Plankton uses a digger drill to go underground, but because he prefers being on top, he has a tough time adjusting. He digs so deep that he busts through the roof of a cavern. He looks around and sees that the place is perfect for a sex chamber.

 

He advertises the place as Cum Caverns, and people swarm in. Mr. Krabs finds out about this after finishing his masturbation session (yes, it was the same one at the beginning of the episode), and realizes the Plankton's stealing all me customers. He turns into Moar Krabs and bursts into Cum Caverns, deciding to sell his money-themed sexual services down there. Because of this society's lust for money, everybody flocks to Mr. Krabs. Plankton is furious, and he exhibits his frustration by getting under Mr. Krabs and making him fall off his climax. Mr. Krabs then gets under Plankton, and they fight to be on the bottom. Eventually, they trap everyone underground, and Mr. Krabs and Plankton team up to make a mega-sex chamber.

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My last Skodwarde episode, guys! Y'all better appreciate.

 

125a: Pineapple Fever

 

SpongeBob and Patrick decide to go fuck some jellyfish, but Skodwarde uses his god powers to whip up a brutal sex storm, ending Sponge and Pat's orgy. SpongeBob and Patrick bolt inside SpongeBob's house, barring up the walls to make sure the sex storm doesn't penetrate his house. Skodwarde can't stand that SpongeBob is killing his buzz, so he busts up into the house and says MOTHERFUCKER FREEZE. SpongeBob and Patrick warn Skodwarde of the storm, but one look in Skodwarde's eyes, and they could tell he was the one who created it to begin with. They invite him to stay so as not to let him reach his climax. They suggest a game of dick dat hoe, but Skodwarde insists they don't play it right. So they pull out an erotic puzzle instead. As they try to figure out where the tits go, Skodwarde assembles the puzzle immaculately. But SpongeBob and Patrick accuse him of cheating, him being a sex god and all. Skodwarde then creates a new game entitled Stay the Fuck Away From Me, and he creates a border line with his... Sharpie marker. (What? Not everything has to be created with Skodwarde jizz, you know.) But Skodwarde soon realizes that he has no food on his side, so he uses his god powers to raid Spongebob's fridge from his side. SpongeBob finds out and a fight ensues, Skodwarde obviously winning. Skodwarde decides that he's had enough time mingling with the commoners and decides to put an end to the storm. But he leaves a SpongeBob's house in the middle of a tornado, because he's an asshole like that. Skodwarde flies majestically back to his house to watch Goddess Bitches Gone Wild.

 

125b: Cum Caverns (or 50 Shades of Sheldon)

 

Mr. Krabs is masturbating to the thought of money... again... when he faps so hard he loosens a floorboard in the Krustier Than Usual Krab, revealing the secret formula underneath. Plankton catches wind of this and figures out that he needs to go deeper in order to get the goods. Plankton uses a digger drill to go underground, but because he prefers being on top, he has a tough time adjusting. He digs so deep that he busts through the roof of a cavern. He looks around and sees that the place is perfect for a sex chamber.

 

He advertises the place as Cum Caverns, and people swarm in. Mr. Krabs finds out about this after finishing his masturbation session (yes, it was the same one at the beginning of the episode), and realizes the Plankton's stealing all me customers. He turns into Moar Krabs and bursts into Cum Caverns, deciding to sell his money-themed sexual services down there. Because of this society's lust for money, everybody flocks to Mr. Krabs. Plankton is furious, and he exhibits his frustration by getting under Mr. Krabs and making him fall off his climax. Mr. Krabs then gets under Plankton, and they fight to be on the bottom. Eventually, they trap everyone underground, and Mr. Krabs and Plankton team up to make a mega-sex chamber.

Don't worry :)

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Season finale time.

 

126. The Clash of Tritawn!

 

It is King Neptune's 5,000th birthday, and an old God must have the dopest party in honor of this high age. The King and his wife Queen Kim Kardashian have been invited to the Krusty Krab for said party. Mr. Krabs is having a massive orgy party inside the Krusty Krab with the krustomers, SpongeBob, Patrick, and Skodwarde, who are all eagerly awaiting King Neptune's arrival. When everyone saw his royal pimp wagon arrive outside, Mr. Krabs popped a boner in excitement, ready to dig his big meaty claws into the rich and rare money King Neptune brings. Skodwarde laughed, saying he can beat King Neptune's petty powers any day, but Mr. Krabs told him to shut it, or he'll lose King Neptune's company.

 

Queen Kim Kardashian and King Neptune were seated at a big ass fancy table, and as SpongeBob was taking attendance, he found an odd name tag for someone named "Tritawn". SpongeBob kept calling out "Tritawn", asking who he was, and King Neptune got very upset. While all the other krustomers were too distracted in their orgy, King Neptune pulled a video tape out of his ass, and began playing a flashback. Many many many many many years ago, Tritawn was his son, but he got involved with the wrong crowd of kids. He began smoking seaweed, getting jailed, became a high school drop out, and doing all sort crazy things. King Neptune couldn't stand to see his son become a crackhead, so he imprisoned him on Rehab Island. As the flashback ended, King Neptune began sobbing, wishing he could see his son again.

 

Skodwarde was getting sick of this boring sob story and was ready to watch his porn, but Mr. Krabs told SpongeBob, Patrick, and Skodwarde that the three of them must find Tritawn to save the party, or he'll fire them. Skodwarde doesn't give a shit, but Mr. Krabs then says he wants to have the biggest orgy party in the ocean ever known, and he says Skodwarde can be the head of it. Skodwarde was pleased by this offer, so he agreed to find Tritawn. Skodwarde used his god powers to transport the three of them to Rehab Island, which was a floating island in the sky, because screw it, this is Skodwarde. They saw a small jail cell on the island surrounded by trees that sounded like they were sniffing crack.

 

As the three arrived to the entrance of the jail cell, they noticed it had a puzzle lock. Patrick however, used his skills to solve it, revealing the picture of a drug pack on the lock, opening the jail cell. You may be asking how the fuck did Patrick solve that? Well the truth is, I don't know either. He must have had gotten some intelligence from that massive orgy back there. Anyways, out of the small cell came the crackhead himself, Tritawn. He had the most hippy-like clothes known to man, and looked like he hadn't bathed in years. He thanked the three of them for saving him, and they told him his parents wanted to see him again. He smiled at this, made a pimp god boat appear, and offered to take them for a ride back to Bikini Bottom. Skodwarde laughed at this, and made his own pimp god boat appear. He said the royal family will not fuck with his talents, and as SpongeBob and Patrick tried to get in with Tritawn, he raced off the island, wanting to pay a visit to his old man. SpongeBob and Patrick got in with Skodwarde, and raced after Tritawn.

 

They got into a crazy ass cliche car chase scene, and they arrived at Bikini Bottom. Tritawn got out of the pimp god boat to fire lasers at Bikini Bottom. Skodwarde then called upon the powers of his Nazi Squid brethren, and they all attacked Tritawn. Skodwarde then floated up, and unleashed some nazi-fu on Tritawn's ass, but Tritawn shot Skodwarde into a building. Furious at this, Skodwarde, SpongeBob, and Patrick then formed a Power Rangers like robot out of nowhere using Skod's god powers (don't question it, just appreciate how fucking awesome that is), and they began taking down Tritawn, who had evolved himself into a mega beast. In the end, Tritawn was defeated, and reverted back to his normal form. King Neptune and Queen Kim Kardashian came outside to see the ruckus, and saw Tritawn under rubble. Reunited with his son, King Neptune and Tritawn fixed their grudges with some emotional shit, and were a happy family again. King Neptune was proud of the destruction Tritawn brought to the city, admitting that is pretty damn cool. He then drove off in his royal pimp wagon, and they waved goodbye. 

 

Mr. Krabs however was pissed that his orgy did not go as planned, and the angry townspeople ganged up on SpongeBob, Patrick, and Skodwarde. Skodwarde then used his god powers to make the Power Rangers robot appear again, and everyone ran away in fear.

 

The moral of this story? Don't fuck with Skodwarde. Also, don't do drugs, mmkay?

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Season premiere time.

 

127a. Naughty Tentacle Vision

Skodwarde is watching anemone porn on public access when suddenly it switches to a show about Zeus the Guitar Lord. Skodwarde angrily calls Zeus for interrupting the hot anemone-on-anemone action, but Zeus tells him that he doesn't understand what Skodwarde is talking about and that his mom gave him a public access show for his birthday. Skodwarde then gets the idea to create his own show on public access, and he calls the public access people, who give him the show because why the fuck not.

Skodwarde sets up a TV studio in his living room, and he talks to the camera about his many fetishes. SpongeBob and Patrick come in, and Patrick starts to make out with the camera, eventually giving it a blowjob, causing an old lady somewhere else to have a heart attack at the sight of Patrick's very unhygenic mouth. Skodwarde yells at SpongeBob and Patrick, then he makes Patrick the cameraman and SpongeBob the boom operator so they'll leave him alone. Patrick interpets "cameraman" as "man who has sex with cameras", so he immediately starts having sex with the camera. SpongeBob interprets "boom operator" as "man in charge of the explosions", so SpongeBob blows up Skodwarde's house.

Skodwarde uses his god powers to reconstruct his house, then he kicks SpongeBob and Patrick out. However, Mr. Krabs and Sandy come into his living room and start dancing, and Pole, wanting to show them how it's done, comes into Skodwarde's house and starts twerking. Skodwarde prepares to make everyone spontaneously combust, but the owner of the public access network comes in and tells him that his show is their second-highest-rated program, only after the anemone porn. Skodwarde realizes that he has something good here, and he invites Zeus the Guitar Lord to play as everyone in Bikini Bottom dances in his living room, for a hefty fee, of course.

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127b. I ♥ Emoticons

Skodwarde is masturbating in his house (again :rolleyes: ) when he remembers that he has to go to work. As he walks to the Krusty Krab, SpongeBob joins him (much to his displeasue :pinch: ) and shows Skodwarde some of his new dances moves. Skodwarde tells SpongeBob that his dance moves suck, and SpongeBob asks Skodwarde who put him on the planet. (Ugh! ugh_zps30bfca80.png)

Later, at the Krusty Krab, SpongeBob's dancing captures the attention of a talent scout, who tells him to audition at her dance studio. :kicking: A jealous Skodwarde plans to make SpongeBob dance until he passes out from exhaustion, allowing Skodwarde to audition at the studio in his place. :hands: He invites SpongeBob into his home and orders him to moonwalk on a treadmill to get into physical shape. SpongeBob not only moonwalks on the treadmill, but he grabs his crotch and throws in an "ooh ooh". michael-jackson.gif Skodwarde reads him 50 Shades of Grey in order to accelerate his fatigue, -_- but SpongeBob gets aroused instead of bored and starts masturbating furiously as he moonwalks, causing the treadmill to malfunction from his cum and explode. :o

SpongeBob asks Skodwarde when they can start dancing, so Skodwarde uses his god powers to create a complicated dance routine that SpongeBob can't mimic, and then he orders SpongeBob to mimic it. double-finger.gif SpongeBob is up all night trying to get the dance routine right, but he finally passes out from exhaustion, much to Skodwarde's delight. :squiddance: Skodwarde goes to the dance studio and auditions for the talent scout, who loves the audition so much that she orgasms. :wub: She sends him to dance in Skolliam's group, and Skolliam, after seeing his audition, asks Skodwarde who put him on the planet.ugh2_zps682fad6d.png

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128a. Pole's Period

 

A dreaded day has come to poor Mr. Krabs: It is Pole's time of the month. Pole had let out a bloody mess redder than Clifford the Big Red Dog in the bathroom, and Mr. Krabs is horrified. Pole is resting on the heating pad in her room, and she began letting out every father's worst nightmare: PMS. She began bitching and whining to Mr. Krabs that she was hungry. Mr. Krabs went exploring through the fridge, and he carried up that fucker to Pole's bedroom, where she devoured the whole thing. Mr. Krabs was shocked and appalled, saying that fridge costed him over $300. She cried however that she wanted more, and Mr. Krabs sighed, looking for food to get.

 

Mr. Krabs was exploring Bikini Bottom late at night, and he saw Puff Mama's garden nearby. He didn't feel like buying shit this late at night, so he broke into her garden and began snatching her peanuts. However, he soon discovered to his horror that they weren't peanuts, they were peanut worms! They began shooting brown jizz all over Krabs, and Puff Mama went outside to see what the commotion was. As he tried to make his way over the fence, Puff Mama tossed a wrench at the fence board, slapping Krabs in the ass over the fence and into the sandy ground. He then made a run for it, and went to Patrick's house to see if he has any food. When he went in the rock, he saw Patrick was asleep after masturbating to some Anemone Gone Wild porn. The lazy slob had tons of shit lying everywhere, and Mr. K noticed some of it was useless food, so he stole it anyways.

 

Meanwhile, we see Puff Mama had called the police to find the crook who tried to fuck with her garden. She called upon the best type of police in the whole seven seas: THE FUNKY COPS

 

 

The Funky Cops arrived to Puff Mama's garden, and they vowed to find the bastard who did this. We then see Mr. K was raiding Skodwarde's house, and he began stealing all of his junk, which consisted of odd German foods and some Hitler pornos...but wait, why would Pole need those? Anyways, he skipped out on a cracker and chopped liver to make a lame pun. He then thought that was good enough, so he went back home and fed the dump of food to Pole, but she whined that she wanted MOAR! Upon hearing this word, MOAR KRABS was activated inside Mr. Krabs!

 

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As Moar Krabs stormed his way through Bikini Bottom to find more food for Pole, he came across the Funky Cops, patrolling the streets at night. They asked him what that giant sack on his back was for, and he said he was pretending to be an angry Santa Clause Troll for the holidays, and the Funky Cops bought it, doing some outdated 80s' dance moves. Moar Krabs made his way to SpongeBob's house, and when he entered, SpongeBob asked if Mr. Krabs was here for an orgy party. Moar Krabs denied this, saying he needed moar food. Just then, Skodwarde magically appeared in SpongeBob's house, and said no such orgy will be happening unless he has anything to say about it. He calls out Krabs for stealing from his house, and he uses his god powers to fix this giant hot mess of an episode.

 

In the end, Skodwarde has cured Pole's PMS, and the episode ends with him, Pole, Moar Krabs, SpongeBob, Patrick, Puff Mama, and the Funky Cops dancing to the Funky Cops theme song.

 

 

128b. Fucked In The Wringer

 

One day, SpongeBob was in a shower rape scene, when he decided to fool around with his soap. It went slipping out of them in a very Don't Drop the Soap-esque slow motion style, and it landed on the floor grimly, but he just pulled a new one out of thin air, and kept scrubbing. SpongeBob finished, and as he put his clothes on, he dodged any offensive material that could cause an accident. As he made his way out, he accidentally stepped on a dildo Patrick left, and he went slipping on the soap bar from earlier, slinging himself right into his wringer. Patrick came in, and saw SpongeBob's little mess.

 

Patrick tried to get SpongeBob out with his Forever Fucked Glue, but it didn't help. Patrick just told SpongeBob to grow some big ol' balls and live on his day with it. SpongeBob sadly could not adjust to this however. He couldn't masturbate with the wringer on, or even work at the Krusty Krab. It caused him to accidentally jizz some mustard on Skodwarde's eye, which ruined any chances of Skodwarde making a cop out ending for him to get the wringer off of SpongeBob. Not even a meal at Prudey Hut Jr.'s could cheer SpongeBob up, because he couldn't swallow anything. A sad story indeed.

 

Patrick tried to take SpongeBob to a fair, but that turned into a mess because SpongeBob can't play anything because of that damned wringer. One incident involved SpongeBob trying to throw a ball, and it backfired, nailing him in the crotch. SpongeBob ends up yelling at Patrick, probably being the only smart thing he's done this episode, for getting him stuck with his Forever Fucked Glue, and Patrick cries all the way home. The townspeople call SpongeBob a dickhead for insulting his friend, and they crown him the Pope of the Dickheads. With his Dickhead Crown on, SpongeBob bitterly goes back home in depression. Patrick eventually breaks down, and goes to visit SpongeBob. He sees him staring at a blank television, and tries to set this right. The inner dumbass inside Patrick's brain made him unleash...Mr. Dr. Professor Patrick!

 

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hilaryfan80 pulled out his coding sword, and tried to slice the wringer in half, but it had no effect. hilaryfan80 cried his hardest, and it made the glue come off. He then finally sliced the wringer in half off of SpongeBob, and they both rejoiced. hilaryfan80 turned back into Patrick, and both hugged. They discovered that the tears destroyed the Forever Fucked Glue, and then both realize the fact they were underwater could have just melted it off...but fuck logic, this is Skodwarde. SpongeBob then gives a moral that crying does solve your problems, much to pissing off many Skodalgics. Skodwarde however is annoyed by the happy reunion next door, so he uses his god powers to reassemble the wringer around the two, leaving them stuck.

Edited by jjsthekid
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O(MJ)ctober starts here! Gradually posting these out of order. Enjoy the ride.

We open up to a shot of little Monroe Timothy Rechid, waiting for the latest issue of Skodwarde comics at the local adult store. Patchy the Butt Pirate, being Skodwarde's #1 fan after all, arrives with the latest delivery. He shoots the latest issue, "Peepshow", at the boy with a cannon because he puts the "pirate" in "butt pirate" after all before scaring the poor boy off and scarring him for life with his anal gestures because he puts the "butt" in "butt pirate" after all. Running all the way home, Monroe busts out some hand lotion to sanitize his hands before busting open his copy of Peepshow. What? What did you think he was gonna do? Sick bastards. The camera zooms in on the comic book as we're introduced to our first orgasm-inducing tale...

140a. The Monster Who Came to Bikini Bottom!

One day, Patrick was playing with himself on the outskirts of town and comes across a bunch of toxic waste. He disregards the "Don't Come Here" sign by misreading it as "Don't Cum Here" and proceeds to cum all over the toxic waste. Satisfied by once again giving the flipper to The Man, he goes home for some sloppy seconds as a monstrosity forms from the combined bodily and toxic residues. The monster towers over the Bikini Bottom skyline from the cliff he was born on. Fascinated by the sight, his first instinct is to cum to it. His groans of ecstasy could be heard from all over town, frightening the residents. The monster catches up to Patrick and cums all over him. Being quite the cum aficionado himself, hell he made a huge ball of the stuff that one time, Patrick and the monster really hit it off and he even gives it a name, Ron Jeremy.

They come upon SpongeBob's house, who, still being pretty shaken up by the events that happened in The Gift of Cum, decides he ain't having none of that jazz this time. Patrick reassures him that it's only Ron Jeremy, who proceeds to cum over to their houses and they all have a good laugh about it because it's been a good bit since we had jizz jokes up the ass. The Funky Cops arrive to the scene to investigate where those groans were coming from. They use their blacklights on Ron Jeremy and horrified by what they see, they proceed to slap a condom on the big guy. Skodwarde catches wind of this and comes home to see his now lubricated lair. He tells the cops to just shove their nightsticks up his ass now before he does something he won't regret later. They go ahead and don't do that as Skodwarde proceeds to use his god powers to send Ron Jeremy far away, so far away the he will be able to brag about it. Now, Ron Jeremy spends the rest of his days back on the outskirts of town making butter for the Krusty Krab.

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You won't believe you're eating Ron Jeremy's Butter

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