Skodwarde

[Clappy]

32. Pressure/The Smoking Peanut

Pressure:

Sandy, SpongeBob, Patrick, Mr. Krabs, and Skodwarde start fighting because the sea creatures think that they are better than land creatures, and Sandy thinks the opposite. However, Skodwarde wants to prove them all wrong and show them that skods are superior to everyone. Skodwarde uses his god powers to make Sandy get rid of her protective suit to prove she can breathe underwater, but eventually has to breathe again. Sandy escorts SpongeBob and the other sea creatures go on land for 1 minute. To her surprise, they survive the air, but they get attacked by the seagulls. Skodwarde saves the days by shooting the seagulls with his pew pew eyes. Everyone finally concludes that skods are superior to both land and sea creatures as they throw a giant orgy at the Krusty Krab in Skodwarde's honor.

The Smoking Peanut:

Skodwarde goes to the zoo one day to see Clamu, the "largest oyster held in captivity". But he sees that the clam is asleep and spies Mr. Krabs taking the giant pearl from Clamu. Skodwarde questions why and Mr. Krabs tells him that it's Free Day. Skodwarde then takes this opportunity to go to the adult video store and gets 100 DVDs of anemone porn, dildos, vibrators, condoms, and lubricant as he prepares for a long night of masturbation. However, Clamu's loud crying prevents him from jacking it, so he becomes irritated. SpongeBob goes up to the door step and asks Skodwarde if he can keep a secret about Clamu. Skodwarde thought SpongeBob was going to report Mr. Krab's to the authorities, but it turns out that SpongeBob just wanted to borrow some lubricant. Skodwarde storms out of the house and reports Mr. Krabs to the police. He then heads home and waits for Clamu to finally stop crying. As the wailing finally settled down, Skodwarde proceeded his Free Day with a long night of masturbating to Anemone Sexipede.

[Old Man Jenkins]

Wow, two new eppies and only now I'm noticing. Great eps! I say for Shanghaied, you, Wumbo, and I should each write our own ending like the alternate endings for the real thing.

[Clappy]

Wow, two new eppies and only now I'm noticing. Great eps! I say for Shanghaied, you, Wumbo, and I should each write our own ending like the alternate endings for the real thing.

Different endings? Sounds promising. I'm down.

[Old Man Jenkins]

Different endings? Sounds promising. I'm down.

I call the alternate ending with Patrick's wish.

[Clappy]

I call the alternate ending with Patrick's wish.

So should you and Wumbo PM me your endings or are we going to write three different versions of the episode?

[Old Man Jenkins]

So should you and Wumbo PM me your endings or are we going to write three different versions of the episode?

I feel we should just send in our own endings, unless you wanna see what we can do with the whole ep. I wouldn't mind either way.

[Clappy]

Yeah just send me your endings and that will be fine. (Of course, we need to figure out if Wumbo wants to partake in this idea.)

Until then, here is the other episode connected with Shanghaied.

33B. Gary Takes a Bath

When Gary has to take a bath, he refuses to enter the bathtub. SpongeBob keeps trying and trying to get Gary in the bathtub. While Gary is watching TV SpongeBob makes a fake pirate map and dresses up like one and convinces Gary to follow the map. SpongeBob was so upset that Gary would not take a bath and nothing will work. Eventually, SpongeBob absorbs the bathwater and chases Gary around, trying to wash him, but eventually gets stuck on a tree. But SpongeBob sees a record player and gets fooled. SpongeBob accidentally falls off and gets himself dirty.

Skodwarde then watches this whole event partake and realizes that this was all filler due to episode 33A taking too much time. He then puts in a copy of What's Eating Gilbert Grape while signing up for courses this spring at the University of Phoenix.

[Old Man Jenkins]

Me thinks Wumbo would want in on this sweet threesome. ;3

And lol. I'm surprised at the lack of leap frog and subliminal messages. Good filler, regardless.

[Wumbo]

I'm in on this. I'll take the regular ending.

[Clappy]

Me thinks Wumbo would want in on this sweet threesome. ;3

And lol. I'm surprised at the lack of leap frog and subliminal messages. Good filler, regardless.

I am ashamed that I forgot about the subliminal messaging.

Oh and both of you PM me the Shanghaied alternate endings in the next couple days or else I will have to move on.

[Old Man Jenkins]

What the, is it just me or are most of the season one episodes gone?

Also, the anticipation for Shanghaied is like a razor leaving my soul to bleed.

[Clappy]

Much apologies for the lengthy delay. I've been ridiculously lazy about writing it because I never saw the different endings. Here we are though after finally finding the Sea Stories DVD.

33A. Shanghaied

Skodwarde was watching some anemone porn and taking acid when all of a sudden he heard a loud thud. SpongeBob's house got attacked by an anchor that soon rammed into Skodwarde's house. SpongeBob, Skodwarde and Patrick climb the anchor chain onto a ship as they are trying to investigate. Skodwarde insults the ship, which bothers the owner, the Flying Dutchman. Eventually, the Flying Dutchman is so annoyed by Skodwarde that he puts him through a zipper-like portal leading to a scary place, called the "Fly of Despair" (which is, actually, drawn as spaghetti and meatballs).

Skodwarde falls to his demise as he swears he is having a bad acip trip. Meanwhile, The Dutchman forces SpongeBob and Patrick to become his sex slaves, but they are horrible at it and lose their status as Bottom Bitches. Eventually, the Dutchman becomes so dissatisfied with them that he tells them he will eat them. While he prepares for making a meal out of SpongeBob and Patrick, he puts them in a cell. They try to escape, but the main door is locked, so they attempt to escape through the perfume department, which they hate because they are always sprayed by bursts of Snooki's new perfume line Skank! They escape, steal the Dutchman's "lucky dining sock" (so that he won't be able to eat them), so the Flying Dutchman gives them three wishes in exchange. Patrick says he wants five wishes, and then the Flying Dutchman proposes four. Then Patrick says, "Three! Take it or leave it!", the Flying Dutchman agrees (much to SpongeBob's despair). Patrick wastes the first one, saying he wished to know about it earlier. SpongeBob wishes Skodwarde was with them, thus freeing him from his bad acid trip in the Fly of Despair (causing him to fall through a portal that lead into his house, and was then teleported to the Dutchman's ship). The three argue over who gets the last wish, so the Flying Dutchman randomly picks by seeing who can give the best blowjob...

Wumbo's Ending (aka SpongeBob gets the last wish):

The Flying Dutchman picks SpongeBob. SpongeBob, instead of wishing him, Skodwarde, and Patrick off the Red Baron's ship, wishes that the Dutchman was a veggie-loving hippie. The Dutchman grants this wish simply by sending the threesome back in time, where he actually was a veggie-loving hippie. Unfortunately, Skodwarde's god powers do not sit well with the wormhole, and inadvertently transforms the three into fruit, Skodwarde being a banana for OBVIOUS REASONS. Then the Dutchman asks "Will it blend?" and it does.

After the episode, some jackass with a parrot tries to sell anemone porn by use of subliminal messaging.

But I'm getting ahead of myself (or maybe behind, it's hard to tell with all these wormholes).

OMJ's ending (aka Patrick gets the last wish):

Patrick was overjoyed at having another crack at making a wish come true. I thought it over for about five minutes before wishing for another quarter to kick start his sex doll again. The Flying Dutchman then proceeded to rape all three of them with his dirty ole sock.

Clappy's ending (aka Skodwarde gets the last wish):

Skodwarde wished that The Flying Dutchman would not eat him, but that he could also have dinner with The Flying Dutchman. The Dutchman agrees as him and Skodwarde have a five star dinner of starfish mignon and a sponge souffle for dessert. Skodwarde and The Flying Dutchman then proceed to do blow and watch Fantasy Island marathons for all eternity.

[Old Man Jenkins]

This certainly lived up to expectations. Great job!

[Wumbo]

Great episode! Worth the wait.

[Old Man Jenkins]

It appears Season One is now the Lost Season, unfortunately.

[Cha]

LOL

[Clappy]

Now back to the regular schedule.

34. Welcome To The Cum Bucket/Frankendoodle

Welcome To The Cum Bucket:

One night, Mr. Krabs and Plankton play cards. Mr. Krabs is confident ("I've been taking him to the cleaners every Thursday night for fifteen years! I never lose!"), so he bets SpongeBob's contract. Skodwarde takes advantage of this opportunity by using his god powers to send subliminal messaging into Plankton's mind so Plankton can read what cards Mr. Krabs has. Plankton defeats Mr. Krabs and Mr. Krabs now has to give SpongeBob to Plankton. Skodwarde celebrates by going to the movies to see Dracula 3D. Meanwhile, SpongeBob doesn't feel good at The Cum Bucket, so Plankton tries to appeal to him by throwing him an orgy, but this results in SpongeBob increasingly becoming a spoiled and bratty person instead. Eventually, due to the disobedience of SpongeBob, Plankton takes SpongeBob's brain out and puts it into a robot, but even that doesn't work as the robot starts to rape Karen right in her hard drive. In frustration, Plankton gives SpongeBob back to Mr. Krabs, and he is once again employed at the Krusty Krab while Plankton counsels Karen about what happened and takes care of her in her time of need.

Frankendoodle:

Skodwarde is wallowing in a deep depression. He is anti-social, depressed often, and wishes that he can bring forth the second coming of the Nazi invasion. All of his wildest dreams can come true, if it wasn't for his early age balding when he was 16. He wishes that someone can feel his pain so he uses his god powers to torture someone from achieving his dream. That schmuck just so happens to be an artist at sea trying to create his masterpiece. Skodwarde decides that he needs to feel good, so he goes to search for his bong. All of a sudden, Skodwarde felt something fall onto his head. He looks up and realizes that he now has a full head of hair. It's like magic! Skodwarde then decides that he needs a whole new wardrobe and a half-assed mustache for his new look, but as he prepares to go shopping, the door bell rings. He sees a dollar laying on his doorstep, but as he picks it up and falls on his face, his magical hair flies away. He sees that SpongeBob and Patrick are the cause of all this, so he goes back inside and concocts a plan. He uses his god powers to make whatever SpongeBob draws next become evil. Little does he know that the drawing was a poor version of SpongeBob and the Doodle was used to prank Skodwarde. Skodwarde then gets a Grade 1 concussion via the Doodle. After a visit to the hospital and many tests, Skodwarde is released and is allowed to resume his daily activities. As he arrives home at night, a flying pencil flies out SpongeBob's window and gives Skodwarde another Grade 1 concussion. Skodwarde is then sent back to the hospital and has to take more tests until he finally recovers from yet another concussion.

[Old Man Jenkins]

Great ep. Lemme see what's left for Season 2.

[Clappy]

35. The Secret Box / Band Geeks

The Secret Box:

SpongeBob wants Patrick to go jellyfishing with him, but Patrick is distracted by his “secret box” — which Patrick claims has life-altering contents within. This immediately sparks Skodwarde’s curiosity, but Patrick won’t show SpongeBob what’s inside his box. Despite Patrick's stupidity, SpongeBob is unable to trick him into letting him look inside. Patrick then goes ecstatic while looking at the contents of his own box, and this angers Skodwarde. Skodwarde then uses his god powers to change the content inside the secret box from what was an embarassing picture of SpongeBob at the Christmas party to something completely different.

Later that night, SpongeBob continues to dwell over and question what could possibly be in the secret box. He then plots to break into Patrick’s house that night to take a peek at the contents. However, in the process, every little move SpongeBob makes causes a lot of noise; however, Patrick sleeps through it all until SpongeBob quietly remarks that Patrick is a heavy sleeper. Patrick scolds SpongeBob for trying to see inside his secret box, but he eventually allows him to have a look anyway. As it turns out, the secret box contains a sex tape involving Kim Kardashian. SpongeBob and Patrick proceed to beat off to it, while Skodwarde continues his quest to troll FaceBook.

Band Geeks:

Skodwarde receives a phone call from his old high school band rival Skolliam Fancyskod, who is living out Skodwarde’s dreams of success. Skolliam says he was supposed to play at the big "Booty Bowl" (a sports stadium) next week but cannot attend. Knowing Skodwarde has no band, he asks him if his "band" could perform in his absence. Skolliam then makes fun of Skodwarde’s lack of success. Skodwarde, not wanting to admit that he works at a fast food restaurant, says that he does have a band and that they would be glad to play at the Bubble Bowl. Of course, Skodwarde has no band.

So, he posts fliers around bikini bottoms for people to join his marching band in preparation for the Booty Bowl. He attracts a large group of people, which consists of SpongeBob, Patrick, Plankton, Pole, Mr. Krabs, Larry the Lobster, Mrs. Puff, Sandy, and many others. Things start off badly when Skodwarde finds out that nobody in the group knows how to play any instruments properly. Their rehearsals are very unproductive and out of control, and the Booty Bowl is only days away. The band is very terrible and shows no signs of progress. The day before the Booty Bowl, Skodwarde yells at the band for being terrible. This causes the band to turn on itself with their instruments, and a brawl ensues until practice is over. Then, they all calmly start to leave. Skodwarde sadly tells them not to show up tomorrow for the Booty Bowl because of their lack of progress, telling them that he'll just tell Skodlliam they all died, and he leaves. SpongeBob convinces the group that they should continue practicing, because they shouldn't disappoint Skodwarde.

The next day, Skodwarde enters the stadium for the Booty Bowl, and told Skolliam that all of his band members died. To his surprise, however, all of the band members show up and are standing right behind him ready to play. He is also shocked because he didn't expect to see them due to their poor performance the last time he checked on them. They enter a glass dome and are lifted up into a realistic-looking football field to perform for a halftime show in front of live humans (though Skodwarde's band believes that they're mutant fish), making Skodwarde feel even more worried that he might embarrass himself in front of Skolliam and the humans. Fearing that he may never show his face in public again, Skodwarde worryingly gives the cue to start playing. Conversely, the band’s introduction is magnificent, and Skodwarde is surprised and feels proud of himself. He takes credit for their success when Skodlliam appears next to the stage. Skolliam, who watches the band in horror, suffers from a heart attack and is transported out of the stadium on a stretcher. The highly-choreographed band plays “Who Was In My Room Last Night" by Butthole Surfers with SpongeBob (singing voiced by Gibby Haynes) singing the lead. Skodwarde jizzes over the epicness of this performance.

[JCM]

This is a very disturbing show.

I like it.