Skodwarde

[Old Man Jenkins]

I honestly can't wait, broski!

[Clappy]

It has returned!

25. Wormy/Patty Hype

Wormy:

Sandy is going on vacation for a few days and has Patrick and SpongeBob take care of her many pets. However, SpongeBob and Patrick find Sandy's caterpillar, Wormy, adorable and decide to play with it. Overnight, Wormy turns into a butterfly. Blah blah blah, let's get to the good stuff. Skodwarde realizes that with SpongeBob and Patrick taking care of that stupid caterpillar, he has time to finally relax, so he uses his god powers to become a skilled photographer. He becomes the new underwater version of Andy Warhol with his amazing artistic designs. Mr. Krabs takes notice to Skodwarde's artistic styling and begs him to get a picture taken with his first dollar. Skodwarde reluctantly agrees after Mr. Krabs includes the word "bonus". However, once he gets ready to take his million dollar portrait, SpongeBob "saves" Mr.Krabs and Skodwarde. Skodwarde is wondering what the hell is going on here and when did a giant rock appear out of nowhere inside the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob and Patrick mention that there is a monster inside the Krusty Krab inside a bubble that SpongeBob blew. Skodwarde and Mr. Krabs try to prove to SpongeBob and Patrick that the creature is harmful until the monster scares Mr. Krabs, who runs out the door with his underwear flying out of his pants. Skodwarde then obliterates the monster with his God powers as the people of Bikini Bottom carry him in worship. Meanwhile, Sandy returns to the Treedome wondering what happened to Wormy.

Patty Hype:

The Krusty Krab mysteriously hasn't had a customer for thirty-six days. Though served by the same staff, the abandoned condition of the restaurant even turns away a starving fish. Mr. Krabs steps outside to find out that most of his usual customers now eat at the Shell Shack, which even has a singing dog. Thought Mr. Krabs successfully pulls people into his restaurant, all his customers are called back to the Shell Shack. Mr. Krabs is now desperate for an idea. Skodwarde’s idea is that they should obliterate the Shell Shack. Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob find the idea of oblitering the Shell Shack hysterical, and begin mocking Skodwarde. Angered, Skodwarde uses his God powers to take out the Krusty Krab and declares opening his own restaurant.

Assisted by Patrick, Skodwarde sets up a roadside stand in front of his house to sell Pretty Patties. After hours without a single customer, Skodwarde summons Adam Richman, of Man vs Food fame, to come critique Pretty Patties. Adam Richman (guest starring as himself) is overjoyed when he finds his favorite color, purple, on Skodwarde's tray and immediately declares the restaurant a success. In a matter of just a few minutes, Skodwarde and Patrick have thousands of customers, as people are mesmerized by the colorful patties, which now seem to come in all colors and color patterns (including plaid). Their roadside stand draws in many customers, and Mr. Krabs — whose restaurant lies in a worse condition than before — sees them on the news giving away their money, not knowing what to do with it. Shocked, he rushes to see Skodwarde. He gives Skodwarde the key to the Krusty Krab in exchange for the Pretty Patties stand. Skodwarde, who is getting bored of the fame and fortune, takes the keys as the new owner of the Krusty Krab. Skodwarde uses his God powers to revitalize the Krusty Krab and obliterates the Shell Shack. Mr. Krabs then starts selling Pretty Patties.

The next day, however, the customers storm at Mr. Krabs and demand a refund. The Pretty Patties apparently caused those who ate them to change to the color of the patties they ate — including Adam Richman whose tongue glowed in the dark. Mr. Krabs is then chased by the mob of angry costumers. When he runs back to the Krusty Krab, he finds himself locked out. Mr. Krabs pleas for help as Skodwarde is too busy hacking into YouTube and redesigning their homepage to piss off users.

[Old Man Jenkins]

And with that, Clappy makes his triumphant return to spin-offs. Great ep, broski!

[Clappy]

26. Grandma's Kisses/Skodville

Grandma's Kisses:

SpongeBob gets kissed by his grandmother and Skodwarde mocks him because of it. SpongeBob tells Skodwarde that he has no clue what it's like to have a grandmother anymore. Skodwarde gets depressed and drinks until he passes out. He then dreams of what happened to his grandmother.

The story begins in summer; Sara Goldfarb, an elderly widow living alone in Brighton Beach spends her time watching infomercials hosted by Tappy Tibbons (guest star Christopher McDonald). After a phone call announces that she will be invited to be a participant on a game show, she becomes obsessed with regaining the youthful appearance she possesses in a photograph from Skodwarde's graduation, her proudest moment. In order to fit into her old red dress, the favorite of her deceased husband Seymour, she begins taking a regimen of prescription weight-loss amphetamine pills throughout the day and a sedative at night. Despite Skodwarde’s warnings about amphetamine addiction, she passionately insists that the chance to be on television has given her a reason to live. When her invitation does not arrive over the fall, she increases her dosage but begins suffering from amphetamine psychosis, hallucinating that she is the principal subject of the game show and that her refrigerator is a menacing, living monster.

As Sara’s sanity unravels, she takes the subway to visit the television studio in Manhattan. The secretary at the studio calls a hospital and Sara is involuntarily committed to a psychiatric ward where she undergoes unsuccessful medicative treatment, followed by electroconvulsive therapy. Curled up in the fetal position, she passes away as Skodwarde kisses his grandmother goodbye.

(We the team behind Skodwarde would like to thank the movie Requiem For A Dream as a slight parody for this episode. Go see the real movie, it is amazing.)

Skodville:

SpongeBob and Patrick are excited to get their new "reef blowers" in the mail, and they immediately go on a spree of destruction, which culminates in Skodwarde’s house getting reduced to rubble. Skodwarde is finally fed up with their antics and plans to move far away. While watching a television set from the debris of his own house, he sees a commercial for Atlantis — a gated community exclusively for his own kind. Skodwarde uses his god powers to transport himself into this community and is overjoyed at being far away from SpongeBob and Patrick, who begin to try to apologize and find Skodwarde to bring him back home.

In his new life, Skodwarde begins a daily routine of riding his chariot, buying a pack of Cuban cigars, dancing at a nightclub, and playing in a clarinet trio. He proclaims the town to be perfect. Of course, every other person in the community looks and acts like Skodwarde and follows the same daily routine. A few days later, Skodwarde becomes bored with his daily routine and searches for a little fun. Another person, who was cleaning a public park with a reef blower, leaves his blower behind to go on a break. Skodwarde is reminded of SpongeBob and Patrick’s antics and begins to play with the reef blower. He starts causing trouble in the park, and the other people look down on his childish behavior. In spite of the others, he goes on a rampage by putting down the reef blower and using his god powers to cause utter chaos.

Meanwhile, SpongeBob and Patrick find the gated community, but their entry is denied by the security guards, because their "kind isn't allowed [there]". However, Patrick had just eaten some fried chicken because he clearly had no clue the security guards were trying to be racist, and the repugnant odor travels through the intercom and causes the guards to pass out and accidentally hit the button to open the gate. SpongeBob and Patrick try to find Skodwarde, but are confused since everyone in the city looks similar to him. The other townspeople retaliate in protest and corner Skodwarde with a list of well-organized grievances. Skodwarde erupts on the others for their lack of fun, but he is informed that he doesn’t really have to live in Atlantis. Skodwarde then uses his god powers and blows himself over the community wall, but SpongeBob assumes that he certainly cannot be the real Skodwarde.

[Old Man Jenkins]

Can't wait for more.

Also, I really need to watch Requiem For A Dream.

[Clappy]

27. Pre-Hibernation Week/Life of Crime

Pre-Hibernation Week:

As Sandy prepares for hibernation, SpongeBob happily agrees to play with Sandy. The metal music in the background of this episode was played by heavy metal band Pantera, which pleases Skodwarde. However, Skodwarde is disappointed to find out that Pantera has been broken up for about eight years. Skodwarde decides that he needs to work overtime at the Krusty Krab to raise up enough money to get the band back together for one last show. As Skodwarde is working his ass off, Sandy comes running into the Krusty Krab alerting everyone that SpongeBob has gone missing. This brought a smile to Skodwarde's face, but Mr. Krabs decides to help Sandy form a search party, which Skodwarde has to partake in. But because they all have looked in poor places, being forced by Sandy, they all run away and hide under Patrick's rock too. Still frantic, Sandy starts overturning the town, looking for SpongeBob. Skodwarde soon discovers SpongeBob is under the rock too, throws him out, and uses his god powers to prevent SpongeBob from getting back in. Sandy hears SpongeBob's cry and runs to give SpongeBob a bone-crushing hug. She goes crazy again and tries to take him for another dangerous game before she hibernates, but SpongeBob is exhausted from all the antics and stands up for himself. Just then Sandy falls asleep. SpongeBob is relieved and falls asleep too. Skodwarde then went home and looked at some amoeba porn before realizing that he got side tracked from his mission to get Pantera back together.

Life of Crime:

Mr. Krabs tells SpongeBob and Patrick that it's okay to borrow things if you plan to return them. He sorts through his belongings, and SpongeBob and Patrick, noting what they are, check to make sure Mr. Krabs hasn't stolen any of the items. Mr. Krabs assures them that he was didn't steal those items, and the two leave. However, Mr. Krabs says to himself, "That was a close one", suggesting that he may really be a thief. Skodwarde then realized Mr. Krabs' secret so he asked Mr. Krabs to help him rob banks to get the money to get Pantera back together for one last show. They went to Bikini Bottom Bank as Skodwarde used his god powers to crack open the safe as him and Mr. Krabs took all the money and made a run for it. Oh and for extra measures, Skodwarde used his god powers to pop the balloon that SpongeBob and Patrick were playing with. Skodwarde and Mr. Krabs had the 10 million dollars ready to help reform Pantera as they shipped it out. Things couldn't possibly go wrong, until Pole reported her father and Skodwarde to the authorities after she couldn't keep her mouth shut after threatening to report her father to the authorities, unless she got a raise in her allowance. Mr. Krabs and Skodwarde were in jail as Pantera played a live show from Goo Lagoon.

See kiddies! A life of crime doesn't pay. Oh, but Skodwarde used his time traveling powers to go back in time and get rid of his memories of the wondeful music of Pantera, thus never robbing the bank with Mr. Krabs. Skodwarde then is shown at home reading some more of Mein Kampf while blasting The Acacia Strain.

[Clappy]

Meh, I'm gonna churn out this Christmas special early due to boredom.

28. Christmas Who?

Skodwarde is outside Sandy's treedome, planning surprise butt sex on her. He bursts in and sees Sandy's Christmas tree, which she has just hooked up with lights, and mistakes it for a fire. Sandy realizes Skodwarde has never seen a Christmas tree before, and does not even know what Christmas is (along with all the other citizens of Bikini Bottom). She begins to describe the festive holiday to Skodwarde, who is intrigued by the prospects of someone like Jerry Sandusky sneaking into their houses at night with "gifts".

The next day in the Krusty Krab, Skodwarde tells Mr. Krabs, Patrick and SpongeBob all about Christmas and everything that Sandy had said about it. He concludes by saying that if you write a letter to Santa Claus, he will give you gifts on Christmas Day. Patrick and Mr. Krabs are very enthusiastic about the idea. Patrick says when they mention Santa Claus, "Just Like a genie", and Mr. Krabs says his letter is as good as a "Blank check direct from the First National Bank of Santa Claus", while SpongeBob is looking for his lost dildo. Skodwarde soon gets the entire city of Bikini Bottom interested in Christmas, and they all write letters to Santa. Skodwarde uses his god powers to create a device that shoots the wish lists (placed inside bottles) to the surface of the ocean so Santa can get to them.

Everybody afterwards sings a Christmas song about the celebration of Christmas while Skodwarde becomes outraged when he learns that SpongeBob and Patrick chopped down his precious coral tree and property for their Christmas tree and when they vandilize his home by decorating his house for Christmas. Skodwarde suffers the Christmas happiness, song, and decorations all season until Christmas Eve and starts to loathe the holiday that he introduced to everyone in Bikini Bottom.

Christmas Eve arrives and everybody in Bikini Bottom helps decorate the city with lights and ornaments. SpongeBob panics when he realizes that he still can't find his dildo. He goes to Skodwarde's house to try and borrow his dildo, but is stopped by Skodwarde, who forces SpongeBob to leave so he can read some more of Mein Kampf. SpongeBob tries to persuade him but Skodwarde says he has lost all hope about believing in Santa Claus the day SpongeBob and Patrick vandalized his property. As Skodwarde settles down to sleep for the night, SpongeBob, Patrick (presumably Mr. Krabs) and a bunch of other fish give up on persuading Skodwarde to get that ten foot pole out of his ass, and they stand outside and eagerly wait for Santa's arrival while chanting "Santa's coming tonight, tonight."

On Christmas Day, the fish are still wearily chanting, and then realize that Santa never came. They all angrily leave, including Patrick, and SpongeBob is left completely alone with a snowman as his only friend to have company with. Skodwarde wakes up happily to see everybody get angry at SpongeBob and rushes outside to laugh in SpongeBob's face and make fun of him for ever believing in Santa Claus. Sad and depressed, SpongeBob gives Skodwarde a present: some medical marijuana so he would not feel left out when Santa came and gave everybody their presents. Skodwarde is so touched by his present and begins to feel like a huge jerk for laughing at SpongeBob. He decides to do something to cheer SpongeBob up.

Skodwarde dresses up as Santa Claus and appears to SpongeBob, who is very happy to see that Santa did come after all. He then gives SpongeBob a dildo as a gift and cheers SpongeBob right up. However, Skodwarde's plan backfires when a large group of fish come happily and demand gifts from him. Skodwarde quickly goes through his entire house and gives away all of his possessions until the fish are all gone and he has nothing left. Weary, Skodwarde finds a note at his doorstep and reads it. It is from the REAL Santa Claus, thanking Skodwarde for all of his work. Skodwarde then looks up to find Jerry Sandusky riding in his sleigh in the sky, laughing and shouting "Merry Christmas!" Skodwarde uses his god powers to bring Sandusky down from the sky and alerts the authorities. The police arrest Sandusky on the spot and gave Skodwarde his reward money for turning him in. Skodwarde bought new furniture to refurnish his house and then smoked his medical marijuana while watching his Blu-Ray copy of The Room.

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE SKODWARDE STAFF!

[Wumbo]

I like what you've done with this spin-off so far! I don't know if you'd be interested in hiring a co-writer, but I could probably help out with this after Christmas holidays. (That is, with your and OMJ's consent.)

[Old Man Jenkins]

Oh, you have my full consent but since Clappy has full reigns over Skodwarde, his word outweighs mine. I'm sure he would let you help out, tho. Hell, I wouldn't mine dropping in for a guest ep or two, as well.

Also, great Christmas Special, Claps!

[Wumbo]

Hell, I'll even pay Doubloons if I have to. Lord knows I have more than enough to spare.

[Clappy]

Doubloons you say? Yeah you both can feel free to guest write episodes if y'all want to. Just don't leave the readers hanging for too long. The Skodwarde staff runs on a tight clock. xP

[Old Man Jenkins]

I so have Survival of the Idiots.

[Old Man Jenkins]

Episode 29a. Survival of the Idiots

One day, Spongebob and Patrick rushed on over to Sandy's treehouse to have her help resolve the case of Spongebob's still missing dildo (since this episode does take place before the Christmas special). There is a "Keep Out" sign on the door but Spongebob and Patrick dont care. Spongebob and Patrick don't give a shit, they just barge right on in to see a television set showing Sandy on the Eating Channel. She gives a stern warning, mostly towards Spongebob, that she is currently hibernating and asks to not be disturbed, despite having gone South for the winter in Bubble Buddy. Spongebob starts having some second thoughts, but Patrick doesn't give a shit, breaking and entering his way inside. They find the entire Treedome to be covered in a thick layer of a peculiar white substance, which they soon find out is merely frozen water, sustaining them for the time being.

Meanwhile, Skodwarde is at home flipping through channels on the TV when he comes across Sandy's PSA on the Eating Channel. Knowing full well that Spongebob wouldn't heed her warnings, Skodwarde uses his god powers to teleport himself off to the Treedome. In the meantime, Spongebob and Patrick soon come upon a hibernating Sandy, who they would both soon cum upon immediately after. Disregarding the events of Pre-hibernation Week, Spongebob is oblivious to the hibernating process and simply assumes that Sandy is pregnant. Spongebob and Patrick accuse each other of being the father before finding a vibrator under Sandy's bed, completely forgetting about their argument. They have some fun with it as Spongebob puts Patrick down onto his Pat-Back, but the vibrating is enough to awaken Sandy from her slumber. She gets up and hoists Spongebob and Patrick into the air. Skodwarde beams in on the scene and takes pleasure in the abuse. Sandy shoots out some scathing accusations that Spongebob and Patrick are Dirty Dan and Pinhead Larry before threatening to carve them all up into a pair of size 6 boots. Not wanting that to happen to him, Skodwarde uses his god powers to lull Sandy back to sleep, saving Spongebob and Patrick in the process. Skodwarde then uses his god powers to convert Patrick's belly button lint into a pair of earmuffs to keep Sandy asleep.

Spongebob and Patrick take Skodwarde outside to show him the wonder of snow. There would some undersea hi-jinx involving snow forts, cannons and god powers, but that's a plot for another episode. After fashioning themselves some medieval weapons out of snow, they have themselves a little three-way. An argument soon turns up over who should be Dirty Harry. Patrick calls Spongebob dirty and Spongebob calls Patrick a pinhead. Having enough of these immature games and squabbles, Skodwarde uses his god powers to awaken Sandy from her slumber before teleporting to a safe distance, leaving the two to their fate.

Sandy busts out like a ninja bat out of hell, tearing off Patrick's head *wink wink* before asking him if "he's feeling lucky, punk?" before swatting him off to the side, leaving Patrick to fantasize about hot wings. Sandy then gives chase to Spongebob on a hamster wheel that Skodwarde conveniently conjured up with his god powers. After running Spongebob down, Sandy catches on to Skodwarde's presence, yelling out "Alright Pinhead Larry! Now you'll get your's!" Skodwarde shot some pew pew eye lazors at the beast, but to no effect, leaving Skodwarde to rely on his god-like speed to evade Sandy. Catching up with Spongebob, they hide back in their ditch. When caught up in a corner, Spongebob throws a stray plank at the beast, but it ended up hitting Patrick as he came to and Patrick plummeted into the hole with them. Sandy goes to pounce on them, Skodwarde used his god powers to blow them out of her path.

Realizing that they must work together to overcome the behemoth, they start circling around Sandy. Spongebob takes Sandy's vibrator out of one of his many holes and tosses it to Patrick, who proceeded to turn it on. Skodwarde conjured up Spongebob's karate gear and Spongebob geared himself up. They each nod at each other. Sandy and Spongebob locked eyes before Spongebob flewed towards her with a roundhouse kick, but got blocked. Spongebob lays in a few punches but Sandy managed to block them all before punching Sponge to the side. Patrick comes at her with the vibrator from the side, but she easily dodges before nailing him in the gut, bring Pat to his knees. Skodwarde fires some eye lazorz from behind, but to no effect. Sandy grabs Patrick and throws him into Skodwarde, with Patrick fantasizing about hot wings again. Spongebob recuperates and goes airborne with a few flying kicks, but Sandy dodged them with ease. Back on solid ground, Spongebob evades a few stomp kicks before trying to tackle her unsuccessfully and is kicked away. Skodwarde comes back, relying on his god-like strength to attack Sandy from behind but is met with a roundhouse kick before he even had the chance. Patrick and Spongebob have Sandy cornered from opposite sides. They try to nail her with a few combos but Sandy's rough exterior helps her to block all of their attempts before chopping Pattrick to the side with some Karate Chops. Spongebob takes to the air again, flipping behind Sandy for a sneak attack but Sandy calculates it with a low kick, which Spongebob manages to somersault over in the nick of time. He somersaults over her again before going for Leaf Hurricane but Sandy calculates it again with a roundhouse kick to Spongebob as he was in mid-air. Grounded once again, Spongebob glances at Skodwarde and Patrick. They all nod before Skodwarde shoots out a few more eye lazorz at Sandy, creating a distraction for Patrick to throw Spongebob into the air for a high altitude power kick. Sandy catches wind of the ruse and blocks the kick with her forearm before punching Spongebob back into the ground. She goes in for the kill, but Skodwarde uses his god powers to conjure up a giant dildo before tossing it towards Patrick, who proceeds to use it on Sandy from behind, knocking her out.

They get Sandy back into bed before trying to find a way out. They find out that the door has been frozen shut. Patrick tries to open it using Open Sesame but to no avail. Skodwarde realizes he could just teleport himself out of there, which he does, leaving and Spongebob and Patrick in the cold shivering and using their nose drippings as a pair of chopsticks. Skodwarde spends the rest of his day doing some Tae Bo while Spongebob and Patrick resorts to stripping Sandy of her clothes and fur to keep themselves warm. Spongebob and Patrick feel invincible with their BDSM gear crafted from fur, telling Mother Nature to "Bring it on!" Skodwarde catches wind of this so he uses his god powers to speed up time so that it's Spring. Sandy awakens from her slumber and notices Spongebob and Patrick outside her window. She heads down to greet them but finds that Patrick still has her vibrator in hand. She then proceeds to carve them both up into a pair of size 6 boots to cover up her squirrel pattern baldness. Skodwarde tells the moral of the story, which is to never break into a house without permission before telling the audience about the hibernation process. See, this show is violent and educational, but mostly violent.

For more on Hibernation, click here: http://science.howstuffworks.com/environmental/life/zoology/all-about-animals/hibernation.htm

29b. Dumped

One day, Spongebob and Gary are playing leapfrog when Spongebob finally decides to introduce his pet snail to his best friend, Patrick. Skodwarde catches wind of this and uses his god powers to put a cookie into Patrick's pocket, hoping to create a rift in his two neighbor's friendship. When Gary doesn't want to leave Patrick's side, Spongebob decides to let Gary stay over at Patrick's for a sleepover. Patrick proceeds to brush Gary everywhere all night and gives him a sex toy to chew. The next morning, Gary refuses to return to Spongebob. Patrick claims the snail as his own, leaving Spongebob heart brokened. Spongebob goes to Skodwarde for pet advice and Skodwarde sets him up with Rex the Worm, who commits suicide not five minutes into his walk with Spongebob. Skodwarde then sets Spongebob up with Larry the Snail, who turns out to have rabies. Skodwarde then sets Spongebob up with Jerry the Snail but things apparently fell through. All the while, Patrick was showing Gary his sex wax collection. Patrick asks Spongebob for a Dutch oven one day, prompting Spongebob to confront his friend. During the argument, Gary sneaks into Patrick's pocket and gets the elusive cookie. After gobbling it up, Gary returns to Spongebob. Skodwarde, feeling non-unsurely fulfilled, spendd the rest of his day doing more Tae Bo as Patrick spends his night cutting himself everywhere and Spongebob takes Gary to the hospital to have the chocolate cookie pumped from his stomach.

[Clappy]

I was quite impressed with the continuity of the missing dildo. Give yourself a pat on the back OMJ. You still got it.

[Old Man Jenkins]

*pats self on back*

I find those little story arcs interesting and helps connect the episodes better and opens up options for what to do with the episode plots. This should be enough to keep the Skodwarde Faithful satisfied for a good week or so, I hope. Wumbo can have a crack at it now whenever he's ready.

[Wumbo]

Okay, I'll have a new episode up ASAP. By Saturday at the latest.

[Wumbo]

30a. No Free Rides

SpongeBob is taking his driving test yet again. After running over some French dude, Mrs. Puff gives him demerit points. Eventually, he ends up with 6 points somehow. Skodwarde catches wind of this, and uses his god powers to delude Mrs. Puff into thinking that SpongeBob needs the unrealistic expectations of over 9000 points. SpongeBob's just like "Meh, seeya next year." But because Mrs. Puff's Prozac prescription is running low, she doesn't think she can take another year with SpongeBob. So she tells SpongeBob that if he can perform the mating ritual of a boatmobile, he passes. SpongeBob does wonderful impressions of the bow, the stern, and most importantly, 1924. Mrs. Puff gratefully gives him his license and tells him to GTFO.

SpongeBob arrives home to his pineapple, and Skodwarde sees that he got his license somehow. Skodwarde thinks, "Meh, whatev. He'll probably commit a hit-and-run and go to jail." Satisfied with this thought, he smokes medical marijuana while watching Canada's Worst Driver on the Discovery Channel.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Puff is glad that SpongeBob is out of her life, and goes home to celebrate with a bowl of fettuccine Alfredo. However, SpongeBob's parents got so excited that their son actually accomplished something that they broke into Mrs. Puff's house. After scaring the living shit out of Mrs. Puff, SpongeBob's dad tries to put the moves on her, but is cockblocked by SpongeBob's mom. Long story short, SpongeBob's parents bought him a boatmobile, and shit's going to go down. Mrs. Puff realizes that she has two options: entering the Witness Protection Program, or stealing the boat. She decides to steal the boat.

Meanwhile, Skodwarde notices SpongeBob's boat and how it is so much nicer than his. Fuming, he decides to use his god powers to get rid of this boat as soon as possible. SpongeBob, having a fetish for that new boat smell, inhales some magic mushrooms and "floats" out to his new boat to smell it and rejoice in its glory. Just then, Mrs. Puff shows up and drives away with the car. SpongeBob tries to stop her, but is thwarted by Skodwarde's god powers conjuring up sexual predator clams, inappropriate cheese graters, and TV shows other than anemone porn. SpongeBob, determined not to give up, transforms himself into a radio and lulls Mrs. Puff to sleep with easy listening. He then rips off her ski mask, and after moving his finger up and down his lip suggestively, he crashes into a police car. Skodwarde, satisfied that SpongeBob has lost his licence, goes back to watching Canada's Worst Driver, eh?

30b. I'm Your Biggest Fanatic

Skodwarde wants to get rid of SpongeBob and Patrick for the day, so he uses his god powers to conjure up a jellyfishing festival. SpongeBob and Patrick go almost immediately, but Patrick's fetish for jellyfish causes him to touch everything inappropriately, and he gets taken away by the fuzz pretty quickly. SpongeBob, meanwhile, meets his idol, a nerdy pickle named Kevin. After the festival is over, SpongeBob stalks Kevin back to his house. Kevin notices him and asks him if he has a question, completely unaware that SpongeBob is no ordinary fan. SpongeBob just foams at the mouth, unable to speak. Kevin calls security/animal control, and they come to get SpongeBob and lock him up. Patrick then says, "Hey Mac, what are you in for?" but that's another story. Meanwhile, Skodwarde is pleased that he finally has peace and quiet to perform a hookah solo, which basically means that he'll be smoking a hookah for the rest of the day. And as for Kevin, he just goes to Jellyfish Fields to ease his mind and spread jelly on his face. He asks his anchovy posse to lick his cheeks, to which one of them replies, "Wah-wah-waaaah."

[Clappy]

Amazing episode Wumbo. I knew you would conjure something special. Go and pat yourself on the back and watch some anemone porn.

[Old Man Jenkins]

Give yourself a congratulatory spanking for a job well done, Wumbooty.

[Clappy]

31. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy III / Squirrel Jokes

Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy III:

Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are “bravely” packing for vacation because they are tired of Skodwarde kicking their asses. While they are gone on vacation, they have SpongeBob and Patrick watch their Merma-Lair, but they immediately want to touch Mermaid Man's vibrator. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy forbid them from touching the vibrator, and they leave for the week. While going through the halls of the cave, they stumble upon Man Ray, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy’s fiercest enemy. However, Man Ray is suspended in frozen tartar sauce. Patrick decides to unfreeze Man Ray, but SpongeBob stops him with only Man Ray’s head unfrozen. Man Ray commands them to release him, but they are hesitant to do so since Man Ray is evil. SpongeBob says that he will only let Man Ray go if he were good and not evil, so Man Ray convinces them that he is good. However, once he is released, he affirms that he's evil and lunges at the two. Just in time, Skodwarde appears in the Merma-Lair and uses his god powers to activate Man Ray and have him orgasm uncontrollably. Skodwarde then grabs Mermaid Man's dildo and goes back home to watch anemone porn.

As Skodwarde is pleasuring himself, he notices that SpongeBob and Patrick are running around in fancy underwear talking about how they are going to stop Man Ray. Skodwarde then uses his pew pew eyes to activate the orb of confusion to freeze SpongeBob and Patrick in an utter state of confusion. Man Ray easily pushes his way through SpongeBob and Patrick and has his eyes set on robbing a bank. He bursts in the doors and tries to tell the people to hand over all their money, but Skodwarde comes into the bank and uses his god powers to make Man Ray orgasm again. Man Ray starts orgasming hysterically, and all the people in the bank start laughing at him. Man Ray loses his urge to be evil, and he just opens up a checking account instead. He comes across Patrick and SpongeBob and tells them that he is not evil anymore. He says he has no use for his mask, and he takes it off and gives it to SpongeBob before bidding farewell.

Squirrel Jokes:

The Krusty Krab begins hosting stand-up comedy nights, with SpongeBob being one of the comedians involved. His routine bombs with very bad jokes. Skodwarde then uses his god powers to save the show by making SpongeBob tell harmful jokes about squirrels, which has the whole town cheering for him, except for Sandy, because she is a squirrel and especially because the jokes also make her the target of mistreatment by all the Bikini Bottomites. Sandy talks to SpongeBob to stop this, however, he does not know any other kind of funny jokes, so he keeps up with the squirrel jokes. Skodwarde is getting pissed because SpongeBob is not giving credit where its due in terms of squirrel jokes so he makes Sandy trick SpongeBob into believing that she has begun to think they're funny, and invites him to her treedome. But when he gets there. Sandy makes him understand her suffering by pretending that the derogatory squirrel stereotypes that he created are real (and thus physically harms him), and at the next comedy night he does not make fun of squirrels, but instead, makes fun of every other species in the sea, including his own. Everybody is amused. Then, SpongeBob is telling not to get started on skods, which doesn't please Skodwarde.