Full SBC 2: Fuller SBC

[Zaid]

Parody of the original, thinly veiled as a sequel revival on fictional streaming service "Zaidflix", this one however instead of being about the show itself, is rather a detail of the production that would theoretically go into it.

 

Chapter 1 - "Dignivility".

At a distant broadcasting center just outside of Atlanta, Zaid sat with his arms folded, looking intently at a tape he had discovered days ago in storage.

“What kind of crap is this shit?” he exclaimed, his ears twitching while he sat in disgust. “Dignivility?” “There is a Member??” “C98.5 with your favorite Anime hits?”, “that’s clearly future funk!”

Zaid let out a loud, utterly disappointed groan, “and this is the legacy I left behind at this broadcast company…”, he turned to face what little employees he had left, “I let you guys write something for like 5 minutes, and you give me this 3-minute atrocity?” he exclaimed.

“mr. zaid… some words are hard…” one employee told him rather squeamishly, His anger subsided, and he sighed, adjusting his glasses slightly and rubbing the bridge of his snout annoyed. “Charles, did you lie on your resume to be hired here in the position you are in?” Zaid inquired. “yes sir…” he then said to his boss. Zaid put his left hand up to his face, sighing, then putting it back down again. “Charles, you’re fired, pack up your things and get out.” Zaid would then point to another man in the back, “Bruce, you’re our new program director.”

He then turned his back on his small team of people, “there’s going to be come changes around here… for starters, I’m fixing this trainwreck.” Zaid explained. “If we want this streaming service I poured way too much money into to work, we need to do something bold, something big… something… classic… you know, to cash in on the nostalgia bug.” He explained, standing with his arms behind his back like a General.

“If we want Zaidflix to work, we’re going to have to reboot…”

Zaid grabbed a long, matte black pointing stick and pointed it at a board. “This, this right here? We do not want to do this.” He said, on the board were several old captures from the tape, as well as hundreds of captures of new episodes that never saw the light of day. “Disgusting, filthy work, if we’re really going to target the SBC Old Heads, we’re gonna have to think bold.” He smirked slyly, “maybe we can help Charles find the “Dignivility” after all these years…” Zaid laughed, but not in a fun way, if anything he laughed in a quiet, malicious way.

Zaid put the pointing stick down, and started clapping “How. *CLAP* are. *CLAP* we. *CLAP* going. *CLAP* to. *CLAP* find. *CLAP* actors? *CLAP*” he said, somewhat motivationally, stopping the clapping after he finished his sentence.

“Any takers? Come on, we need results, people!” Zaid said, somewhat frustratingly. “No, we are not going to hire random ass people off the street like we did last time.” he then said, somewhat mockingly. Zaid seemed quite intolerable this time, going against his usual laid back managerial style, he was generally La Ze Faire when it came to running his company, but not this time.

Zaid ran a tight ship, despite said La Ze Faire managerial style, his media empire generally ran with little to no issues, at least ones he knew of… that was until he left the company to pursue other interests during the development of Full SBC, after that was when all hell broke loose.

Full SBC was nothing but trouble for Zaid’s company, having been merged in-and-out of existence several times over since it’s release, it eventually emerged as “Zaidflix”, a paid subscription service where reruns of his old content, plus acquired content from others lived.

Zaid returned, with significantly less staff than before. And he was ready to fix it all.

“I know the reputation of the original is… less than stellar, but we’re going to have to do this reboot because we need the money.” He then said, looking out the window, as the workday came to a close.

Several Months later, Zaid pulled up to the set, he took off his sunglasses and rested them in the Center console, he then got up and locked the car, walking towards the building.

When he walked in, what awaited him was a semi-decent recreation of the old house set from before… with minor differences here and there. The director yelled “QUIET ON SET!”, so he stopped in his tracks and waited.

A man walked in front of the camera with a clapper board, he then said “Fuller SBC Scene 2 Take 1…”, another individual then said “Camera speed, audio speed… rolling.” “ACTION!” the director then exclaimed.

Zaid Crossed his arms as he watched, hoping that everything would turn out alright for this very first taping.

 

[Danny DeVito]

can I make a guest cameo in an episode

[Zaid]

By Request of @Jjs Goodman for his King Neptune, he has asked me to get off my ass and finish chapter 2 that i've had unfinished for weeks write chapter 2 of Fuller SBC today!

Chapter 2. – “The Milkman, The Paper Boy, even tvguy!”

Zaid pulled up a chair somewhere, setting his clipboard and coffee down on a footstool next to it. He began to take a sip of his coffee, when he immediately spat it out the moment he saw what was going on set.

Someone walked out wearing a Sailor Moon cosplay, acting like they were scared at what they had just done. A smoke machine then activated to simulate dust settling from something that happened in the kitchen.

Zaid’s internal thoughts then began to scream at him as he sat there staring. “oh, oh for fucks sake they’re doing the fucking episode where Stephanie backs into the kitchen on the real one!” his thoughts sniped.

He then looked to his right, the kitchen set had a car backed into it, an old 2005 Toyota Camry, covered in dust and dirt. “Shit, was that the kind of stuff I liked then? Hm, glad I grew up then.” He thought to himself.

Zaid was going to let this go, and just settle back down, but then he saw what came out next. A man pretending to be his old character from all those years ago, in fairly rushed bit of Practical Effects makeup, very poorly trying to look like a red and white Fox character.

 He understood that this was just what the character used to look like, but for some reason he just wasn’t having it, not at all.

“Ok, cut, cut cut!” Zaid stood up as he exclaimed, he then walked up onto the set, looked once at the costumed actor, then back at the crew, he then rested his palm on his face and shook his head in disappointment.

“This, this is the type of shit that got us off the air last time, any of you remember when our station manager called the Network to “get that shit off the air” while he was eating dinner? No? Then what the hell are we even doing???” Zaid seemed like he was about to start ranting, but then his anger subsided, citing that this is a temporary thing that can be fixed if the pilot is picked up for a full series internally.

He sighed, got back off stage and then sat back down in the director’s chair… “Reset, we’ll roll again at the…” He looked at the timestamp “…8 minute marker… ugh.” The camera operator exclaimed “roll speed”, the director exclaimed “Sound check”, the boom operator gave a thumbs up, and the clapper board person walked in front of the camera. “Scene 2 Take 2.” He exclaimed, before clapping the board. “ACTION!” the director shouted over a megaphone.

The actor playing “Zaid” walked over to the kitchen, opening the door, and walked in, the smoke machine billowed smoke into the living room set, Zaid then shouted “CUT! That’s good!”, the smoke machines were then turned off as the camera begun to get moved to the other side of the set.

Zaid picked up his chair then moved it to the other side in front of the kitchen set, a production assistant walked up to him, and begun to ask: “do you need anything from me?”, Zaid replied “not at the moment no… I’ll ask for you when I need you…”, The production assistant then walked off, and zaid started to scratch his forehead, probably in slight boredom.

He then saw the man who looked was playing his old self and called him over. “so uh, what reference material did they give you for the costume?” Zaid asked, the man showed him a drawing on his phone, it was a fairly old bit of artwork drawn by an old friend he knew, a white and dark red Arctic Fox, going by the old name of “Kev Asimoto”, Zaid honestly couldn’t help but be somewhat impressed with the makeup department, they nailed it to a T.

“Tell you what kid, we’ll all circle back Monday, and I dunno, I feel like we need to figure out a better retooling than just doing the same ol’ schtick over and over.”

The man walked off, Zaid thought for a moment then exclaimed “That’s a wrap for today people! We’ll be back here next week; I want you all in the board room Monday!

[Zaid]

Chapter 3 – “Get that shit off the air.”

Zaid left the set again, and got back in the car. He had been on the set for several hours, so it was already nighttime by the time he left.

He put the key in the center, twisting the key, and turned the car on, the radio came to life as he put the shifter into gear and drove off.

He then began to drive home in silence, the radio was set to Bluetooth mode, and was playing music from a streaming app. The vocalist of the song began to exclaim “Could it beeeee, any haaaaarder, to say goodbye? And without you…”, while backup vocals began to exclaim “fade away, fade away, fade away ohhhhh…”

Zaid’s ears twitched slightly as he thought, maybe he was being too harsh on his employees. He wanted this reboot to work so badly, because he felt so responsible for the awful quality of the original.

“Fucking hell, think! Think!” he thought to himself, before sighing and deciding to pull in for a coffee, Caffeine might get his brain going again.

He pulled into a coffee shop with a drive thru, he got what he needed and paid, then pulled into an empty parking lot. Pushing a button to set his cup of macchiato down into the very tiny European standard cupholder, he pulled out a notebook and a pen from the glovebox and began to write.

Zaid wrote for hours, taking sips of his coffee and brainstorming both ideas that would save the show and ways he could work his vision better, before eventually finishing his coffee, and putting everything away so he could drive back home again.

The next morning, well rested, Zaid left his studio apartment and began to head back down to the studio, arriving at the light, he waited… and waited… and- KER-SMASH!

“AGH SHIT!” Zaid Exclaimed… lifting his sunglasses into his hair, visibly shaking.

Zaid got out of the car, and looked behind him, his fear began to turn to pure anger, he was upset over someone clearly not paying attention on the road.

Smashed into the back of his car was a Yellow Pontiac Fiero with a substantial bodykit installed in an attempt to make it look like a Lamborghini Countach.

“you gotta be fucking kidding me… this dude is not gonna have the money…” he exclaimed internally, not knowing the shit he’s about to be in.

“you know how expensive it is to get parts for a fucking 2010 Saab 9-3 these day-“ Zaid looked up from the bent rear bumper, in pure fear. It was god himself, Danny Devito.

Danny got out of the “Countach”, and looked at the damage. Zaid began to stammer his words, “m-m-m-mr. devito! Eh-heh…” then gulped.

Danny took one look at the damage and one look back at the heathenous Sunglasses wearing brown-haired cartoon Corgi, he clearly didn’t create something like that, and yet, he doesn’t know how it came into existence.

Zaid just stood there, frozen in total fear, he knew this wasn’t his fault but he was not going to question the authority of god himself.

“p-please mr. devito, spare me, I will pay for both…” he whimpered, putting his hands out in a “please don’t touch me” motion.

Danny did not say a word, only handing him a card saying “call me.”, with a phone number on it.

The bright yellow “Countach” then drove off, Zaid then quickly picked up the pieces, throwing them in the trunk that could now barely even open and sped off, now trying to keep calm, he was lucky Mr. Devito was late for something as well.

“d-d-damn it! I can’t afford this crap!” Zaid sat for a moment to think, he then got up to check the damage, It wasn’t bent in too much, but it would require some kind of repair, one that had to come out of zaid’s own pocket.

The Corgi began to panic, his ears twitching like crazy, “Fuck, I need this shit to work now, for sure!” he exclaimed, kneeling next to the bent in bumper, tears streaming down his eyes.

As Zaid arrived to the studio once more, something felt… different – something had changed, a shift in how things were going to be done, and it wasn’t on his end, for some reason.

When he walked in the building, everyone was waiting, lined up in uniform rows, staring at him.

Zaid, already stammering his words and adrenaline still rushing from the accident, swallowed his nerves and tried to utter a question.

“h-how long have you all been… waiting here… like this?”, he said nervously.

“About an hour, sir.”, one of his assistants chimed in.

Zaid tugged at his Collar nervously, but pulled himself somewhat together to finally deliver the grand plan that would change everything with production.

“alright… so, uh, it’s been clear to me that we have been going quite… off the rails with production, as of… erm, late…” Zaid nervously stammered once more. “but that’s ok, I don’t know what I’m doing either.”

The crew murmured amongst themselves in confusion.

“I’m wondering if maybe we’re going about this too fast.” Zaid then replied.

The confused murmuring turned into quite concerned murmuring.

“No, no, you’ll all still have your jobs!” he then replied with a shocked expression, almost like he was thinking he lost control of the ship.

“I’m just saying I think we’ve been looking at this all wrong, I wrote down some ideas on how we can retool this for the better!” Zaid then nervously, and somehow mysteriously pulled the notepad out from an unknown part of himself towards his neck-dewlap. “instead of trying to be exactly like Full House, why don’t we just… try something new?” Zaid exclaimed. - if he could sweat, he’d be sweating bullets right now.

“You mean like Fuller House?” an Actor chimed in.

“NO!” Zaid yelped suddenly at the roof, only to then look back down noticing how he kinda frightened his subordinates, “I mean, No.” Zaid then calmly re-iterated.

“I mean like, forging our own path, what did following Full House in the first place get us? Cancelled.” Backing up what he said.

His crew then talked amongst themselves, one of them approached him.

“We’ll talk this over at the office, but you do realize that this means we’re scrapping production yet again.” They told him.

Zaid nodded in agreement and then held out his hand. “well, I hope it’s the last time.”

The two shook hands, and production had ended on the old version of the show, but a new version was just beginning.

As everyone walked out, one person noticed the damage on Zaid’s bumper.

“woah, dude, what the hell happened?” they exclaimed.

“I uh, backed into a light pole… yeah, that’s what happened.” Zaid replied.

“Hah, did you see a strong Fox guy or something while backing up, bro?” they casually said while bumping zaid’s shoulder in a casual way.

“er, yeah…. That’s exactly what happened.” Zaid replied.

The person would then laugh, ruffling his hair. “boss got a cruuush!”

“Shut up Tyler.” Zaid said, he had to play it off, knowing what hell has just been unleashed this day with the encounter that caused it.

Tyler would bend Zaid’s ears in front of his face. “You know I like to mess with ya, boss man.”

Zaid sighed and let it happen. “and that’s why you still somehow have a job.”

“Wish ya the best of luck getting parts, bro.” Tyler then replied.

“Thanks… thanks.” Zaid then finished, looking back at the car, “a long road ahead for all of us, it seems.” He thought to himself.