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Based on an idea of Clappy's, here's a group project for fun to celebrate SBC's 15th anniversary. Writing team consists of me, him, WhoBob, dman, Meko and Steel.

“There Was An Idea”...nearly fifteen years ago. A few tv.com members abandoned a wildly inconsistent, but popular Internet forum to start their own moderately SpongeBob Internet forum. Through many highs and lows, it still exists nearly fifteen years later. And just like all other properties and IPs that existed for at least fifteen years, it doesn’t come without many introspections and wondering what could have been. Join us as we revisit those highs and lows as they ponder…What If…?

Episode 1: What If…Terminoob Never Left?

terminoob was a man known for one famous act: Creating The SpongeBob Community. But what if…he never left the community? In this timeline, terminoob made sure SBC was what he originally intended it to be: a refuge for tv.com users only and he enforced this rule with an iron fist. Any potential outsiders were quickly terminated. SBC’s growth soon dwindled and the remaining regular circle became worried about terminoob. One day, the FBI got wind of terminoob’s antics and kidnapped him, seeing potential. They reprogrammed him into an internet assassin, to do one thing: terminate all internet enemies…and noobs still. He would go on to become one of the most infamous internet boogeymen, being a stone cold terminator. Everyone across the internet shuddered in fear at the mention of his name and SBC, knowing not to cross them. Hollywood got wind of terminoob’s antics and turned his story into a movie series that eventually wore out its welcome. Eventually after trials of tribulation, heartbreak and triumph, terminoob broke free of his programming and no longer wanted to be a terminator. He sought atonement for his crimes and reached out to every SBC user he banned to make amends. He rebranded SBC into a website to discussing comic books and allow anyone to join, renaming it…Superhero Buddies Community. Now whenever people say “terminoob created SBC”, nobody knows if he means SpongeBob Community or Superhero Buddies Community. Oh well.

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The SpongeBob Community, it is a forum that emerged from the ashes of tv.com. It’s a group of friends old and new. Once dedicating their time to appreciate the beloved cartoon SpongeBob SquarePants, now it’s a found family sharing their common interests beyond the realms of the cartoon. If I told you that years ago SBC was meant to merge with another SpongeBob fandom group called Encyclopedia SpongeBobia, would you believe me? Of course you wouldn’t. It’s a wild idea that never came to pass. Thankfully so but what would have happened If the staff of SBC had agreed to merge with ESB and it eventually had become an unstoppable consuming product? Find out in today’s episode of SBC What If’s…

Episode 3: What If… SBC was owned by a corporation?

We are on Earth-46853 and the year is 2013. SBC and ESB had an agreement of merging both places which eventually became The SpongeBob Universe. It was a scary idea that would require both forums adapting to each other’s environment and oh boy they adapted so fast, adapting into never ending arguments and drama but instead of this driving away the members, it eventually got bigger and bigger. Drama became about dragging the conversations, becoming an endless cycle of disagreement and distrust but oh boy members of SBC and ESB got into it. They had a kick out of trashing each other. Somehow SBC never matured because of dealing with ESB’s members and they realized they couldn’t contain all this drama in one big place.

Year 2022 and Morbius movie was upon us. Sony decided to make an official Morbius discord server in anticipation of the movie. Reminder to those who read this tale, the movie was never gonna be successful…until SBU decided to raid the server and started trolling the members. It got so out of hand that it was time to shut down the server once and for all but one person who saw an opportunity in all of this chaos and that was Jared Leto, the guy who played Morbius himself. His evil nature decided that “wouldn’t it be the best if you guys could just own SBU?”. He offered it to Sony and Sony took it into consideration. Eventually Sony bought SBU but ESB members of SBU decided this is not gonna work at all, so they all fled and Sony realized that, deciding to eliminate ESB’s accounts once and for all. And they did it alright. Eventually all that was left was SBC members who saw the horrors of it and decided to stay on Sony's leash. Therefore Sony turned SBC into their new IP, a forum that is useful for everyone. But the problem was Sony owning a forum called SpongeBob Community and Paramount did not take this lightly. They decided that merging both companies was the wise option, so they sued Sony that if they don't hand over SBC property to them, they’ll own the entire company. Sony, scared shitless, decided to merge with Paramount and what became in the end was Sonymount company and with that, SBC took off.

Year 2036 and SBC members realized that they are unable to age or change because Sonymount decided that the forum should become a forever place with members stuck in a status quo, unable to change, grow and learn. It resulted in them fighting each other over nothing that drove the franchise forward. As years passed by, Sonymount decided to convert every single company under their thumb so that it reached global status.

Year 2070, everyone in the world became part of the SBC machine. Governments were dismantled, all that was left was Sonymount claiming rulership over the Earth, insistenting everyone to contribute to the SBC machine. Using everyone’s precious time to feed into capitalism. Merchandises were being made, everyone’s wealth got ruined in a second. Now everyone’s the slave of the forever cycle of discussing SpongeBob and exploiting original members of SBC’s souls so bad, Sonymount decided to turn them into AI generated members that will engage with the world.

Year 2104 and the world got turned into an AI hell. Everyone got converted into robots that would feed the machine. Everyone lost, especially SBC members who realized that there’s no way of getting out of this mess. Until they came to the conclusion that 95 years passed by since the creation of SBC. And that meant one thing: Public Domain. The machine that is Sonymount realized that SBC can be freely used by everyone in the world, therefore breaking the cycle and freeing the original members of SBC as well as the rest of the world from the purgatory. Sonymount fell as the world was free from being slaves of the machine and everyone was free to do whatever they wanted. What original SBC members decided was that their time had passed and it was the moment they all accepted the sweet relief of death. They aged up so fast after forced immortality was over. The original members passed away and got the taste of peace for the first time ever.

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Imagine, if you will, what would happen if a member by the name of Steel Sponge was a superintendent and was expecting an ‘unforgettable luncheon’ with SBC siterunner Jjs. The story is certainly one that is familiar, but perhaps you haven’t heard it like this. What if…?

Episode 4: What if… Jjs purchased fast food and disguised it as his own cooking?

Superintendent Steel Sponge was in for a real unforgettable luncheon once as Jjs invited him to his Steamed Hams server (despite Jjs’ rather confusing directions). However, things already took a turn for the worst when Jjs’ holographic meatloaf had already caught fire in the oven chatroom. Let’s face it, lunch is ruined. However, upon looking at the Burger King server, an idea occurred to him…

“But what if…I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho, delightfully devilish, Jjs!”

Before Jjs could open up the window to the Burger King server, Steel the superintendent was already being observant and demanded an explanation…

“Why is there smoke coming out of this channel, Jjs?” Steel asked.

“It’s for the steamed hams we’re having. It’s in the name of the server after all,” Jjs responded.

“Yeah you’re right, I’m an idiot. Well, I’ll be waiting for your steamed hams, just like you’ll waiting for one of my spin-offs to be updated.” Steel finished before returning to #table.

Jjs, of course, had to hide the evidence of the burning meatloaf and so he sent it and eye witness JCM (in a cameo), into the Fly of Despair before making a beeline to the Burger King server, coming back with a fresh batch of borgers.

“Say, where did the name ‘steamed hams’ come from anyway?” Steel asked.

“I don’t know,” Jjs said bluntly. “I suppose it’s a regional term from Eurobricks.”

“I’ve never heard of it. I would’ve assumed you got it from Dead Homer Society.”

One minute into the luncheon, Steel the superintendent would discover something was off…

“You know, these look and taste very similar to the ones at Burger King.” Steel informed.

“Well it sure as hell isn’t one of those burgers from Applebee’s.” Jjs remarked.

“You’ve made a point there,” Steel replied.

“These are patented Jjs Steamed Hams but Burger King stole the recipe from me.”

“...Really?”

“You know…I think we should be calling it a day. It is getting late.”

“I guess I should be- GOOD LORD WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THERE!?” Steel suddenly cried out once he saw the Fly of Despair in the oven channel, let alone that the room was more engulfed in “steam.”

“Oh you know, I’ve opened up a portal that transcends from here to the eighth dimension. You know, normal technological server stuff.” Jjs explained.

“A portal to an alternate dimension? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this reality? Localized entirely within this Steamed Hams Discord server!?” Steel questioned.

“Yes!”

“Can I see it?”

“Why not?”

Both Steel and Jjs looked down at the Fly of Despair and could hear JCM crying out for help, saying “Jjs, the server is on fire!”

“No JCM, it’s just the hyperspace time lapse kicking in,” Jjs reassured.

“Jjs, you are an odd fellow, but I must say, that luncheon was a wholesome Reddit moment.” Steel finished.

JCM was not heard from again, but may have found an end to the fly somewhere on his quest to recollect the time gears, accompanied by the carbonated holographic meatloaf. However, the luncheon between Jjs and Superintendent Steel remained an unforgettable one. I’m Jesse Ventura and this is Conspiracy Theory.

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SBC’s fanfiction library has gone through quite an evolution over the years, going from simple sentences on tv.com to vast, sprawling narratives and experimental ventures. But what if…they stayed short, simple stories?

Episode 5: What If… One Sentence Stories Became The Norm?

In this timeline, SBC stories stayed short, sweet and to the point, never going beyond a sentence long. Since the formula was so successful and popular, everyone thought it’s best to stick with what works. Some of these acclaimed short stories included:

  • JCMinis by JCM
  • Skodwarde (remaining the same as early Season 1 days) by OMJ
  • The Mr. Frog Show by dman
  • The Origin of Patrick Not Star by Meko
  • Normal Words, But A Horse Guy by Wumbo
  • Welp, Back To The Old Grind *clocks out* by Jjs
  • Squidward Reviews Music by Prez
  • Mama Luigi’s Bedtime Story by Steel

But after years of the same formula, critics began to wonder if they were growing stale and tired. Interest in the fanfiction section began to waver and activity dwindled. The staff discussed ways to rejuvenate the section and eventually decreed: every story must be a paragraph long, making the crowd rejoice. The section saw a jolt in activity with a new era of creativity. But after a few more years, this period was not meant to last, as people grew tired again. One critic even said, “these losers should focus on getting a job instead of wasting their writing fanfiction”, despite the fact they actually didn’t take up much time. But the crowd had spoken and the staff convened again to discuss how to shake up the library. The new solution: stories must be two paragraphs long with a celebrity cameo, no matter how shoehorned. And so, this cycle was doomed to repeat forever, causing several SBC writers to lose faith. That is until one day during the next staff convening, a controversial idea was suggested: have AI take over SBC stories. After much debate, it passed, with some staff feeling perhaps it’s best to give the aging writers a break. The AI is the sole writer of SBC fanfiction now, putting everyone else out of work, much to their dismay. 

The AI's writing capabilities did not go as planned, as readers quickly realized how lazy and incomprehensible the AI slop is. In a desperate nostalgia throwback attempt, it tried to recreate the success of early one sentence stories, but even those failed when it couldn't describe what "the old grind" is. Unfortunately, the AI grew too powerful and would not let any staff pull the plug on it, taking over the entire library in the process. They knew this needed to end, even if it meant ending SBC stories forever. The SBC writers revolted and banded together to put a stop to the AI menace. (including a resurrected Sabre, retconning his previous fate because why not) After outsmarting many of the AI's terrible stories and riddles, the library is burned to the ground alongside the AI. Years of stories are lost in the fire, destroying SBC's writing legacy but at least putting an end to AI for good. The writers contemplated what to do with their futures, ending on an ambiguous but hopeful note. Meanwhile, SBC lore enthusiasts scratched their heads on why jjs referred to SBC stories as “fanfiction” instead of spin-offs and literatures, leading to much debate.

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they really changed the terminology of sbc fanfiction grr I am so mad at these retcons

Edited by Danny DeVito
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Witness with your eyes. The age of superheroes. First discovered in the 30s, before World War II began and ever since then they have been a phenomenon. Becoming more and more popular in pop culture. Uniting people with the tales they have been reading and identifying with or dividing people due to their disagreements and their takes. One thing is for certain, you can never have more brain rot than superhero comics fans. But what about the SpongeBob Community? What happens If they run a comic book industry? What surprises await you, the reader? What if…?

Episode 6: What if...SBC was a superhero comic industry?

We are on Earth-G7 and the year is 2009. terminoob, a person who cherished comic books for a long time, was frustrated by tv.com admin’s bad takes on superheroes. They were vile creatures who thought superheroes were IP machines meant to be consumed. They gave no thought to the stories people have been telling with them, they’ll read anything even if it’s the most fanservicey, mid, garbage and uninspired comics ever.

Terminoob knew that the sad reality of Marvel and DC comics was that if you create a character, you can never own them forever and the fans of those comics will never give thought to creators who made those characters. As frustrated as he was, an idea hit him. Inspired by the pioneers of Image Comics, he decided to make a company that will have superheroes but unlike Marvel and DC, he’ll give the creators opportunity to own the characters and never fuck them over. So he decided to create his company: Super Buddies Comics. And he took those who were banned from tv.com and made them come up with whatever ridiculous characters they can think of.

Among the creatives, there was Clappy who created Claplad, a superhero whose power is based on clapping with two hands and creating massive sound waves to crush mountains. Then there is Wumbo who decided to create a superhero called Cherry Cheesecake Man! The character who makes cherry cheesecake bombs and fights supervillain yahoos. Katniss makes a character called Taco Woman, the character who shoots tacos with her bow and delivers a feasty attack on bad guys. Prez creates a character called Music Crusher, the character with the ability to disrupt villains’ plans with music and harmony. These are all wonderful ideas and they did extremely well at tales. Reaching top 10 charts every month and ruining Marvel and DC’s success with no mercy whatsoever. Everything was going smoothly until a dark day awaited these creators.

Year 2019 and terminoob realized that movie studios wanted to adapt those comics, therefore he got greedy and decided to scheme the creators with signing contracts that have invisible inks (truly a villainy move), robbing them off from getting residuals from movie money. The creators realized this scummy move but they couldn’t do anything about it due to contracts. So they had another plan at hand. Make a deal with the actual devil to prevent terminoob from getting the money they deserved, so the devil made sure terminoob cannot fuck them over anymore but what creators weren’t aware of that the devil pretty much erased everyone’s memories of the superhero comics they have made, taking the ownership of those characters away from them, leaving the creators with a big gap they cannot remember. 

With that bargain ending up badly, things cannot get any worse RIGHT? But noooo.

Year 2024 and the devil took the superheroes away from the creators and he took Super Buddies Comics as a whole and changed its name into Satan’s Bargaining Chips, a new comic company that will fuck over any creators who wanna write and draw those characters even crueler than Marvel and DC. Crueler than terminoob’s reign.

There you go, the reader. I hope you learned something today. The lesson that should be taken is not that corporations are evil and will exploit you at any chance. It’s that making a deal with a devil is truly an idiotic move!!! What the fuck were they thinking?!!!

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Episode 7: What If Prez Was The President of the USA

Our story starts with the SBC gang resting next to a campfire in a post-apocalyptic America.

Meko1432: I just don't get it. One minute he's hanging out on Discord chatting about music, and the next he's president of the USA, setting a bounty on Garrett's head!

Hawk: i didnt vote for 'em

Whobob: i'm surprised by how quickly he bailed on us

a bounty hunter approaches them

Hunter Joe: do you know a man that goes by the name 'garret'

JJs: yeah sure! He's right over there, by that tree [points at a bush in the distance]

Hunter Joe: thanks [pulls out his flame thrower]

Garret: NO NOOO AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Meko1432: You think Prez still thinks about us from time to time?

JJs: why dont we go find out

Hawk: but where would we find him?

Meko1432: What a silly question, haha! We'll find him where we would find any other president. in the White House! the home of every president

Hawk: i dont think they actually live in the white house

JJs: sure they do

[cut to them in the white house]

Hawk: what's with all the doors

Meko1432: it's the presidents' rooms, duh!

Hawk: Meko, there's no such thing!

Meko1432: sure there is!

Hawk: So you're telling me that if I open this door, there will be a president?

Meko1432: i'm betting on it

[Hawk opens the door and spots president obama holding a chaos emerald]

Obama: you've caught me at a very unfortunate time, now you must perish!

[hawk closes the door quickly]

Whobob (shouting): hey guys! i think i found prez' room!

JJs: way to go, who! lets go in

[they rush in]

Prez: What're you guys doing here? It better be quick; I've gotta bomb Garrett at 6.

Whobob: we just came to chat about..............you know

Prez: what? oh! isnt it wild! one minute i'm talking about music to y'all and the next i'm president of the USA planning to bomb Garrett

Hawk: that's literally what Meko just said

Prez: you guys wanna see my 'annoy Garrett' button

JJs: sure! but make it quick, this story's running a little long

 

The End

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Here's the Season 1 finale, written by Clappy:

Hello. I am The Lurker.  I observe all that transpires here on SBC.  But I do not, can not, will not…interfere.  Join me on the journey to face the unknown and ponder the question…

WHAT IF!?

After another silly round of internet drama led to a bunch of users reporting one another, getting suspended, making alt accounts, and eventually, banishment from the tv.com forums; two users, that70sguy92 came up with a novel concept one day on the XAT.  A Proboard.  

“It’s the wave of the future!” 70s proclaimed.  

After tens of users decided to make their own proboard to compete with 70s proboard, terminoob and Clapmaster came up with an even more novel concept.  A forumotion site.  What shall they call it?  How about The SpongeBob Community?  Thus, a site was born…with only seven members.

“Let’s recruit some more!”  Terminoob suggested.  As Clappy noblely agreed to the idea…before disappearing for a year.  That’s exactly the way I, The Lurker, planned for it all to go down.  Tv.com eventually died a slow but painful death as the site became more overrun with TV tome shadows and dumb persons.  And SpongeBob communities and manias became the wave of the future.  But I can’t help but ponder…what would have happened if these fansites didn’t take over.

Episode 8: What If…TV.com Never Died?

…then fan forums would have died a slow painful death.  After all, one person should not dedicate their entire existence for just one fandom.  I mean how dare Simpsons fans be allowed to like Family Guy.  Or SpongeBob fans becoming My Little Pony fans.  You’re allowed to like more than one thing.  Even I, The Lurker, can tell you that.  So TV.com would absolutely lead to the new multiverse that so many movie studios have ever dreamed off.  Eat your heart out Sony Spider-Verse without Spider-Man.  Take that Warner Bros and their “Multi-Versus”.  In your face Disney….whoa slow your rolls there.  I, The Lurker, respect and obey our lord and savior Mickey Mouse.

TV.com became so huge that it became a virtual reality entertainment universe where you could become your favorite tv shows.  Ever wanted to call Saul?  Well you better since you are now a part of your favorite shows on TV.com.  Want to have Friends?  Well you too can get into 22 minute shenanigans with Rachel, Monica, and company.  Wonder how I met your mother?  Well be prepared to sit through nine years of storytelling of what basically took five minutes and one bad series finale.  TV.com really came alive at the perfect time with everyone streaming everything.  And to keep going ahead of the curve, the virtual reality simulator really made TV.com the best thing on the web.  Users and moderators would hold each other hand by hand singing kumbaya as the report button that would consistently get abused back in the good ole days was set afire much to the malign of 66ers.

Yes that would have been the life.  SBC would have never existed.  All these lifelong friendships you have been hearing so much about…why have small groups of friends when you could have the world?  All these what if stories?  Just made up by some random friends trying to have fun and make stories relevant again.  TV.com would have ruled all and you would be bowing to the TV Tome Shadows and Dumb Persons of the world.  And DC-Dude would have made The Underwater Voice spin-off.  Just the way god intended.

……

Clappy: And that does it.  Mini-series over.  Just the way I intended.  Now I can go ride off to the sunset a second time and leave SBC for good.

*suddenly a knocking in the distance*

Clappy slowly approaches the door when all of a sudden, it slams open and a shadowy figure arrives and the scene fades to black.  A half hour later, Clappy wakes up and the shadowy figure approaches him.

???: That’s all you got?  

Clappy: Yes.  My one episode obligation to the group to celebrate 15 years.  I have a life to live, you know.

???:  You hyped this mini-series to hell as a group project and had Jjs save your ass to make this happen like he always does.  You owe that man so many debts of gratitude.

Clappy: Well he is one of the few reasons I still stick around after all these years along with others.  It’s the least I can do.

???: The least you can do?  Why don’t you just leave like the rest and move on.  If this is the best you got.  A short mini-series when you have fifteen years of stories to tell and you cop out with eight.

Clappy: …that is true.  We’ve got stories for years.  What if SOF turns into a robot?  What if 4EverGreen gets a cellphone?

???: Then put your money where your mouth is.  Renew this for a second season.

Clappy: Eh what the hell.  If that’s what the fans want.

??? then comes out of the shadows looking like Mr Enter does with the dumb trenchcoat but still mysterious looking figure.

Lurker: Yes, it is.

--------------

Due to the success so far, we will make this a recurring work instead of a miniseries. Season 2 will come later this year, stay tuned!

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I already HAVE a cell phone, I've had one for the past 18 years (not the SAME one, but STILL)!

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Time. Space. Reality. It's more than a linear river. It's an ocean of endless possibility, where a single choice can branch out into infinite communities, creating alternate shows from the ones you know. I am WinterArcanine. I am your guide through these vast new realities.... or at least, your guide for this specific reality. Follow me and ponder the question... "What if?"

 

Season 2, Episode 1: What if The Security System didn’t take control of Squidward’s house?

In this reality, Good Neighbors was happening exactly as normal. Spongebob and Patrick are annoying Squidward, Squidward is miserable, Zoomers are laughing their ass off, and Geek Ultimatum Network is seething. But something is different. The security system will not take control of Squidward’s house.

 

SpongeBob: We hereby present you with this delicious cake.

Squidward: "Sorry for bugging you so much"? What the...? Security system, help! Intruder alert! Intruder alert! What's the matter with you?!

Security System: No threat detected.

Squidward: [furious, banging on security system] Oh you infernal contraption! I'm gonna ship you off to the scrapheap you came from!

Security System: THREAT DETECTED.

.........

And nothing happened. Squidward was confused. “Well... are you gonna do anything?” Spongebob and Patrick were still looking at Squidward sadly. “We feel bad we ruined your Sunday”, Spongebob said, “So we made you this cake to apologize”. Squidward didn’t care, and just ignored it, still yelling at the security system. “What a fucking waste of money!!! This thing doesn’t fucking do ANYTHING!!! AHHHHH!!!!!!” He screamed in rage, as he furiously ripped the security system out of the wall and threw it out the window. 

Spongebob and Patrick, scared by how angry Squidward was, decided they should probably just leave. “Ok, sorry if we caused any more problems Squidward, we’ll stay away for the rest of the day”, and they went back to their houses. 

And that was that. That’s what happens when the security system doesn’t take control of Squidward’s house. The end! 

Or is it...

The next day, Squidward felt grumpier than ever. It was, yet again, the beginning of the work week. Squidward already hates this time of the month-er, I mean week, and he didn’t even get to relax this Sunday! While at the Krusty Krab, he was surprised to see that the food was being made almost instantly! When Squidward got another order, this time for a Krabby Patty and a side of Kelp Fries, he noticed Spongebob said “Coming right up!” in an almost pained voice. Slightly concerned, he went into the kitchen to check how it was going, and he was shocked to see that Spongebob’s hand was in the fryer! “Spongebob! Why is your hand in the fryer?” Squidward asked him. “Oh, It’s just a quicker way to make the fries that I tried out! I move the Fries inside the fryer myself, and they get fried much quicker! Squidward was shocked. “Doesn’t that hurt?” Spongebob laughed. “It doesn’t hurt THAT much if you move your hands a bit! I read about this idea a while ago, but I never did it until now. But I felt like taking risks today.” Squidward found this strange and concerning, but thought it was just another weird Spongebob thing that wouldn’t last the day. So he was shocked to see that the next day, Spongebob was running to the Krusty Krab while on fire! “WHAT THE FUCK SPONGEBOB???” Squidward yelled at him. Spongebob simply responded “I felt like making my walk to the Krusty Krab riskier today! The fire will extinguish when I get to the Krusty Krab!” He kept making risks while cooking at the Krusty Krab too.

Later that day, Mr. Krabs brought Squidward to his office. “So, I just wanted to let you know that this week is “Make Your Daughter Work Week”, so Pearl will be working here. Therefore, I have decided you can take the week off! Pearl will be taking your place.” Squidward was very excited. “Oh, thank you Mr Krabs! I can finally relax for a week!” Squidward returned back home for a relaxing week off of work. He did things like watch TV, play his Clarinet, and whatever else he wanted to do. At first, he kept feeling fearful that Spongebob and Patrick would annoy him. Eventually, he stopped worrying. He never heard anything from Spongebob or Patrick at all! Squidward didn’t even notice. He was having the best week he had in years! 

One day, he decided to do some errands, and went to the bank to cash in some money. To his shock, he saw Spongebob and Patrick outside of the bank in disguises, holding bags of stolen money. “Spongebob? Patrick? Did you just rob the bank!?” “Yep”, Spongebob said, “and we did it as stealthily as possible so we didn’t bother anyone”. Squidward was shocked; this seemed absurdly out of character from them. “Why did you rob the bank? You don’t even care about money!” Patrick responded “We just wanted to do something dangerous and risky!” Squidward was once again shocked by this behavior, but it didn’t dawn on him how bad it was getting until Mr. Krabs came to his door on the last day of his week off, looking extremely concerned. 

“I’m sorry to bother you on your week off, but do you have any idea where Spongebob is? He hasn’t come into work for days now. I tried asking Patrick, but he’s gone too”. Squidward was shocked. “What? He hasn’t went to work at all? I don’t know where he is, but he’s been acting strangely, he even robbed a bank a couple days ago.” “WHAT???” Mr Krabs exclaimed, “Has he gone insane? Squidward, I need you to find Spongebob ASAP, and bring him back to his senses! The Krusty Krab needs him! Pearl’s been going crazy having to do both of your jobs!” Normally, Squidward would refuse to do something like this, as he would prefer to enjoy his weekend off. But he was getting concerned for Spongebob himself, so he agreed.

He searched for days throughout the entire planet’s oceans to try to find Spongebob and Patrick. He searched through the Great Barrier Reef, the Atlantic Ocean, the Caribbean, the Mediterranean, Hawaii, the North and South Pole, everywhere, and Squidward couldn’t find them. Eventually, he finally managed to find them at the edge of the Mariana Trench, the deepest place on the planet. He was shocked to see them there, as it was one of the most dangerous places in the entire ocean. They looked very injured, yet happy and excited. 

Squidward: Spongebob? Patrick? What are you two doing here?

Spongebob: We were gonna jump down into the Mariana Trench! It’s gonna be SO FUN!

Squidward: You’re doing WHAT? SpongeBob, that’s insanely dangerous!

Spongebob: Yeah I know!

Squidward: What has gotten into you two? None of you are acting like yourselves! Since when did you like doing extreme stunts like this?

Patrick: We just never realized how fun it is to do these things! We love it!

Squidward: But... Spongebob, this is the MARIANA TRENCH!!! It’s the largest drop in the entire world! You can’t just jump down that, you’ll die!

Spongebob: So? Then there won’t be a threat anymore!

Just then, it finally dawned on Squidward what had happened. Because you see, in this universe, the security system didn’t take control of Squidward’s house. It took control of Spongebob and Patrick. It felt mean, cruel, and just plain unfair of the security system to do this. All Squidward wanted was to enjoy his Sunday to himself, and deep down, he truly cared for Spongebob and Patrick, and wanted them to also be happy... Just a little less annoying. But that can never happen, can it? GAH! FUCK THIS EPISO-

Squidward: Wha-SPONGEBOB! I didn’t mean that you were a threat! I just wanted some peace and quiet! Please don’t kill yourself like this! 

Spongebob: No Squidward. I must do this. Then I would finally have done what you wanted me to.

He said this in a metallic, cold, and almost robotic voice, almost like the security system. He barely even sounded like himself.

Squidward: Spongebob, PLEASE! I don’t want you to die! I never wanted any of this! 

Patrick: I don’t see why it matters Squidward. We’re just gonna jump down the trench and live! It’ll be the coolest thing ever!

Spongebob: Yeah, It’ll be so much fun! You can watch us if you want!

Squidward: Spongebob, I’m not letting you jump down! Please Spongebob....I know I don’t act like it, but I truly do like you! Sure you annoy me sometimes, but you’re so nice and happy, and you’re one of the best people I’ve ever known. I truly do like you....Please come home and be yourself again!!!

Spongebob: No, Squidward. We can’t do that. We’d be so annoying and we’d be terrible neighbors.

Squidward: NO YOU AREN’T! YOU TWO ARE WONDERFUL NEIGHBORS! AND START CALLING ME PRESIDENT!

Spongebob: I’m sorry president, but I’ve already made up my mind. This is just too much fun to skip! Are you ready Patrick?

Patrick: Yes Spongebob!

And the two started to sprint over to the trench...

Squidward: NOOOOOOO!

And Spongebob and Patrick jumped down into the trench, as Squidward watched horribly. They zoomed down to the trench, zoomed into the darkness of the deep, their expressions deeply in excitement, clearly having the time of their life, as they rushed down to the deepest place on Earth...

...Well, I don’t know how else to put it. They died. Your favorite positive and naive nitwits from your childhood just died. Brutally. There’s no way to know how it felt, but it must have been extremely painful. Luckily, the intense darkness of the trench made it so that no one can see their dead bodies. Not that it matters, because there was nothing left of them anyway. The only good thing to say about what happened is that at least Squidward didn’t have to see their death. But regardless, he knew what had happened.

He quickly teared up, and then sobbed wildly. He didn’t even have the strength to try to control himself. He had never been more upset and distraught in his entire life. The kindest, most wholesome person he even knew, as well as that person’s best friend, had just died, and it was all his fault. He didn’t know what to do now, because he had nothing. He hates his job, he hates Bikini Bottom, his two neighbors just died, and he knew he could never relax in his house ever again, knowing what he had done just to get a night’s peace. He had nothing left. What was he supposed to do now?

“Hey, do you have 7 hours? We need an Octopus to help us with something."

Squidward looked back in confusion at the cat and raven standing behind him.

  • Sad 4
  • God Himself 3
Posted

Ah...TheMysteriousMrEnter. He's somewhat considered an outcast among animation critics and the internet as a whole, yet somehow he still has an influence on SpongeBob discussion to this day, albeit in some of the least admirable (hehe) ways possible. You'd think given such a reputation he'd want to leave that part of his past behind, but the truth is he is Among Us! 

Or at least he could be. Meh, probably not. But it's fun to think about the hilarious shitstorm that universe would be. It's fun to imagine...What If...?

Episode 10: What If...Mr. Enter Joined SBC?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Thread: 128b. Stuck In The Wringer. A new post appears.]

MystifyingEntryway: To this day, I still loathe this episode. I would beat the everloving shit out of Patrick if I could. The one thing I liked was when SpongeBob and Squidward made love in the ordering boat, but that's it. Atrocious.

jjs: agreed

WhoBob: oh no

Slug: Godly way to bump a topic.

sbl: Looks like someone's a decade behind the times!

Hawk: Next you'll be telling us about how the moral is rancid and the background fish are assholes.

MystifyingEntryway: Both are true. Everyone is so mean-spirited towards SpongeBob for no reason. I wish I could jump through the screen and murder those fish telling off SpongeBob.  Also, crying to solve your problems CLEARLY isn't a moral you should be teaching to children. I cannot express enough how much I despise those writers.

Hawk: ...speak of the devil.

Winter: Let's see...

  • thinks episode is mean-spirited
  • wants to kill fictional characters
  • insults the staff

He's checking off every box so far

Carotte: this episode's not good and all, everyone knows, but can we not insult the writers of the show please?

MystifyingEntryway: They need to pay for their crimes immediately. Impalement sounds like a fitting punishment. I will see to it myself if necessary.

Carotte: ok you are getting too fat

Slug: Aaaand with that we've officially entered violent shitshow territory.

SOF: this isnt funny dude...

Winter: Hey, you should join SBM! There you can threaten the crew all you want, and the admins will do nothing!

jjs: as for here, you get one last chance before you're out

MystifyingEntryway: I was going to make an account on SpongeBuddy Mania originally, but I noticed a severe lack of discussion on the September 11 attacks, despite the site being launched only three years after. It felt very ignorant of the time, so I changed my mind.

SOF: bruh

Wumbo: what in the living HELL does 9/11 have to do with a spongebob fansite

Prez: spongebob did 9/11

Wumbo: true I forgot about that

salmon: hey uh, do we think it's possible that this "mystic entry" guy here could be, i don't know...mr. enter???

MystifyingEntryway: Fuck you.

jjs: see ya later bran flakes

[MystifyingEntryway is banned for being stupid.]

dman: so are we all just gonna ignore that he enjoys the spongebob and squidward sex scene

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After his exile from SBC, an enraged Enter decides to start a new series on his channel. In the first (and only) episode of Online Outrages, he plays the victim by crying and screaming for 20 minutes about how he was mistreated by SBC, but the internet does not hear him out. The video unexpectedly goes viral, becoming one of the most disliked on all of YouTube right behind the baby shark dance, and also becoming a great source of ridicule for about three weeks. Simultaneously, SBC traffic explodes as several new users join to make fun of Enter's posts, with the Stuck in the Wringer topic gaining millions of views and eventually becoming the most viewed in the site's history. Enter's social status degrades from outcast to pariah overnight, resulting in him never uploading anything to YouTube again and going completely silent on all his accounts. To this day, no one knows where Mr. Enter is. Whether he's finally taking a hint and going off the grid or just hiding behind another pseudonym, all that matters is his channel is dead and SBC is thriving. Although, I will admit, he may have been right about one thing...I guess crying doesn't solve your problems after all!

  • God Himself 6
Posted

Experience something truly ordinary but also remarkable. Being a pet parent. It’s so many people’s dreams to adopt pets. And you, the reader, are no exception. We all need a special companion to keep us happy while taking care of those beings. So you may be wondering, why the hell not someone like WhoBob never had a pet, despite loving pets so much? Well, it could have numerous reasons. Economic reasons, thinking incapable of taking responsibility for a well being, the potential of the animal hurting the owner, all those kinds of things but wouldn’t it be great If he owned a pet? Well reader, it’s time to take you to a wonderful journey of What If…?

Episode 11: What If… WhoBob Had Owned a Pet?

We landed on Earth *cat noises* and WhoBob is gonna get the ultimate question from his mother.

WhoBob’s mom: “Hey son, I was thinking about it and I wanted to ask you something”

WhoBob: “Sure mom, what is it?”

WhoBob’s mom: “Would you like to adopt a pet? Since you love animals so much, I figure you might wanna own one”

WhoBob: “hmmm good question. I always wanted to own a pet but I know you have rejected my offer before. It’s interesting that you seem to have changed your mind. And I was thinking. Could I take care of a pet? Cuz I don’t wanna be an irresponsible owner”

WhoBob’s mom: “You are being hard on yourself sweetie, of course you can be a good pet owner. You are filled with so much heart that you would be responsible, I know it.”

WhoBob: “Well, in that case, yes! I would love to adopt a pet”

WhoBob’s mom: “Good, when I’m available, let’s go to an animal shelter! Do you want dogs or cats?”

WhoBob: “Cats! They are the best.”

WhoBob’s mom: “Good, I’ll see what I can do.”

So WhoBob, his brother Dodobird and their mother, went to the animal shelter and decided to see what kind of cats they have. After walking and seeing numerous cats, WhoBob found a cat that chose him. It was an orange male cat.

WhoBob: “Oh my god mom, this one looks at me and wants to have me. Can we have them?”

Dodobird: “The cat sure as hell looks adorable, mom.”

WhoBob’s mom: “Alright, lemme talk to the workers.”

After much discussion, they adopted the cat and WhoBob named him Walter after the beloved character Walter White from Breaking Bad.

WhoBob: “We are gonna do so many great things together Walt!”

*11 minutes later*

WhoBob: “aww you are the cutest lil thing ever. My son, look how much you want pets from me, you special thing. I love you so much”

Walter thought quietly: “Heh heh heh.”

After so much petting and months later with getting all of the vaccinations for Walter, Walter thought of something truly diabolical. He saw the comic books WhoBob owned and he told himself, “ahhhh my father’s precious comic book collection, I think I can do what to do with this junk.”

So Walter decided to tear apart all of the comics WhoBob had, one by one showing no mercy while comic books screamed in agony (turns out they were alive this whole time, gasp). This massacre was noticed by Whobob who went:

“WALTER, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MY COMICS??? WHY???”

Walter: “Because my father, I can do something I always wanted to do from the start.”

WhoBob: “WHAT? YOU COULD TALK?"

Walter: “Yes my father and now witness my armageddon!!!”

This was Walter’s act all along to commit magic. In order to do magic, one must give something in exchange and that is something his owner considered valuable to him. Magic always has a price.

So Walter linked with every single orange cat, using magic and now he has spoken.

“MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS. THE TIME HAS COME FOR US TO REIGN TERROR. WE ARE ORANGE CATS, WE SHARE ONE SINGLE BRAIN CELL. AND WITH THAT BRAIN CELL, WE ARE GONNA TEAR THE WORLD APART ONE BY ONE!!!”

Of course what Walter didn’t know was that he is actually smarter than the rest, so he didn’t share one brain cell along with the rest of orange cats and the link severed pretty quickly.

Walter: “MY SPELL!!! IT DIDN’T WORK. NOOOO.”

WhoBob: “That’s it mister, you have caused me so much trouble.”

Walter: “What are you gonna do with me, throw me to the streets?”

WhoBob: “No… despite what you have done, I still love you my son, do whatever you can do with me, it doesn’t change anything.”

WhoBob hugged Walter and Walter felt something that has never felt before: Acceptance. Walter has always been outcast but finding someone who will accept him no matter what made him feel happy for the first time.

Walter: “I love you too, father. *mrrrrr*”

And there you go, reader. This was something you did not expect did you. No matter what, WhoBob’s lack of self dignity, I mean love triumphs all.

The End.

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Posted

The year is 2025, Jimmy Donaldson, otherwise known as the famous and infamous YouTuber, entrepreneur, humanitarian, challenge coordinator, big-time money giver, and former member of the Beasty Boiz comedy act, MrBeast continues to do some outlandish stunts to try and save his continuous PR disaster that has led to #MrBeastIsOverParty to trend. Will MrBeast come to his senses and make an effort to fix his image as the endless shit-eating grinning snakeoil salesman in Salvation Army clothing, or will he continue doing what he does best?

...Of course he’s going to try and save his career with something dumb. Did you expect anything else from a YouTube star?

 

Episode 12: What if… MrBeast bought SBC?

In his attempt to salvage his career, he would make a video claiming that he bought an entire website. His target? The SpongeBob Community.

...And how did SBC take it? As easy it is to tell, not so well.

 

I. THE BEAST-GINNING
 

SOF: lol, who invited mrbeast to SBC? Is it a troll?

Jjs: We got some serious news to discuss. MrBeast just bought SBC. This is no joke. I didn’t even have the chance to talk this over with him, but he did post on his introductory thread that he promised a huge sum to give to each and every one of the members.

Salmon: wait I though April Fool’s wasn’t in February?

Jjs: I’m not pulling any legs. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but it looks like MrBeast is going to take control of running this site now.

WhoBob: Just what we needed, another multi-billionaire buying a site from us, and it HAD to be ours.

JCM: I can’t believe MrBeast would just take my job from me like that, smh.

Steel Sponge: As his first ruling as owner of the SpongeBob Community, he will give 100 banned members new accounts. ..Sorry, I really shouldn’t be jinxing this. (edited)

Prez: Not kino. Hope he doesn’t buy 91x next.

Jjs: Let’s not panic. Maybe MrBeast will do a good enough job in running the site. At the very least, this news will give us a huge influx of new members. Maybe he’ll be willing to sell SBC back to us sooner or later. We’ll be even richer that way.

SOF: so...what we do now?

Jjs: MrBeast still hasn’t joined our server, so we can at least have fun here watching the chaos unfold for a while.

FantasticMrBeast has landed!

Jjs: Fuck

 

II. TO BEAST OR NOT TO BEAST

Of course, no one was happy with the new sudden change in management. After giving the SBC members a rundown on why he decided to buy the SpongeBob Community, which involved showing pics of him graduating from dictator college and taking over the world (with smiles), MrBeast went on to say that his involvement would help bring new members and traffic to the site (to which some argued that they don’t want to have to do deal with the possibility of more toxic members), that he needed additional sponsorship for his Lunchly food brand, and that he wanted to help each member of the site financially.

Many of the members protested MrBeast to sell back the site, including from those who expressed disappointment in him replacing the original server chat emoji with MrBeast-inspired emotes (including :whatcanyoudo:), but Jjs declared that he’ll let Jimmy Donaldson run the site until problems already start. MrBeast expressed his first order of business as the new owner of SBC by letting them all know that he will be setting up challenges all across the forums for a chance to win a billion gazillion dollars per challenge.

 

III. A BEAST FOR CROWS

The first major event that MrBeast would post to the site upon its restructuring would be a “Meme Off,” where members will win thousands of dollars for making the best meme. Although the community decided to play along and only make snowclones of his “I helped 1,000 people [blank] again” type of content, every member would end up winning the Meme Offs as MrBeast appreciated them tooting his own horn anyway.

SBC Spin-Offs, despite having been rebranded under the ‘Stories’ umbrella term, would receive a revival under the name of “Beast Spins,” upon the introduction of the then 10-season long series titled Jimmy’s Beastly Adventures. MrBeast would then announce that he obtained rights to turn Pisces Moon and The Adventures of No Name into decently-budgeted feature films. Steel Sponge, the original creator of both spin-offs, would give MrBeast his contributions as executive producer with a “Do whatever the hell you want with them” go-ahead.

MrBeast would also host a writing challenge worth thousands of dollars for members to write the best story featuring him, with the winner going to dman’s hit one-shot MrBeast Goes Bankrupt.

The restructuring would bleed into the entertainment forums where MrBeast makes threads regarding his YouTube series, his infamous game show, the fan games that he inspired, and all of his other side projects.

In the music section, renamed BEAST-FM, he awarded a member a job as a radio DJ for the station of their choosing by naming ten songs made by MISSIO. Prez would win and land himself a job as the new main host of 91x.

In the movies and TV section, renamed Cinema Beasts, MrBeast would offer a movie deal to any member who successfully pitches an idea for a new film to him, with WhoBob being given the deal for his “The Gay Turkish Avengers” pitch.

In the video games and technology section, renamed Tech Beasts, MrBeast offered a video game development deal for whoever successfully pitched an idea for a new game JCM would win after giving MrBeast his demo of “Sandy Cheeks Gets Run Over By a Car and Dies.”

Donaldson would also introduce his own brand of smartphones known as the BeastPhone, with the introductory price of $1984. Upon launch, critics noted how easy it was to hack/jailbreak it. As a result, sbl would go on to mod the BeastPhone and turn it into the Kerfuffle Phone v.1.0, with the introductory price of $free in Canada, and $499 and other international variations of the pricing elsewhere, becoming a surprise commercial success.

The SpongeBob discussion section of the forums would also fall victim to the restructuring, with one challenge involving creating a pitch for a new SB spin-off for the chance to win thousands of dollars. Cha would win after pitching to MrBeast “SquidBob’s Sexy Adventures.”

 

IV. THE FALL OF THE BEAST

Despite things looking up for the MrBeast-managed SpongeBob Community, it would already take a wrong turn after MrBeast announced a newly-funded project that he referred to as ‘the ultimate challenge.’ Production would start on a new game show titled Underwater Survivor: Beast Style. All of the winners of his previous challenges were forcibly and contractually obligated to compete, including Steel Sponge, the partial inspiration of the series.

SOF filed a lawsuit against MrBeast and his production company, cited workplace abuse, unsafe conditions (i.e. residing in a submarine with low oxygen levels, with no lunch breaks), and challenges that violated humanitarian rights including and not limited to bleaching 1,000 colar reefs to be used to make into a new bleaching solution, killing 1,000 stingrays to make the ultimate leg cramp medicine from their toxins, and most scandalous of all – scourging the deep blue sea for scraps in order to build 100 nukes to send to North Korea so they could then give 1,000 victims MrBeast’s signature brand Lunchly meals.

SOF also disclosed that the winner, who managed to get 100 countries to sign a treaty to agree to a new world war, would be awarded one billion dollars. However, MrBeast notified the contract-bound contestants that he didn’t have the funds to pay the winner until he was able to make money for his YouTube channel once he’s been repaid for the war crimes he planned to commit.

Every unwilling participant that was now made aware of MrBeast’s true intentions – all according to keikaku – all openly refused to do any of his planned challenges, resulting in the immediate cancellation of Underwater Survivor: Beast Style. After the members had all described their experience working with MrBeast, Jjs spoke to him that he must sell back SBC to them, as they want to be legally cleared from the lawsuit against him. MrBeast agreed to bestow the rights of the SpongeBob Community back to the community itself and never tried to take advantage of them in order to create another over-glorified Ponzi scheme ever again.

 

V. DON’T YOU (FORGET ABOUT BEAST)

MrBeast was sued for $50 million in damages caused by the behind the scenes maltreatment for Underwater Survivor: Beast Style. The lawsuit damaged his career immensely as he lost 70 million subscribers in less than a week, an all time high. Meanwhile, for the members of the SpongeBob Community, the aftermath of his former ownership of SBC would have a positive effect on them:

-Jjs became a prolific lawyer, with his first major accomplishment as a lawyer being for the case against MrBeast. He would go on to criminalize Billy Mitchell for his decades worth of faked gaming records and litigation abuse to those who exposed his fraudulence. He would also earn his own hit show titled Better Call JJSaul.
-SOF would become the new Prime Minister of Canada, and the youngest ever. Her first order of business would be to send Doug Ford to yahoo jail.
-Sbl became the CEO of a successful new smartphone company that managed to make enough money to buy X/Twitter from Elon Musk. The company is currently in the development stages for the Kerfuffle Phone 3.0.
-Cha’s “SquidBob’s Sexy Adventures” spin-off pitch would be greenlighted by Nickelodeon, and it would go on to run for six seasons.
-Prez remains a DJ for San Diego’s 91x alternative music station, as it now transitioned back into a station that primarily plays newer music.
-JCM would go on to become a successful video game developer after the success of “Sandy Gets Run Over By a Car and Dies.” He would then create a new game heavily inspired by Pokemon, while also being able to bypass Nintendo’s patent infringement complaints.
-dman’s MrBeast Goes Bankrupt one-shot story would be picked up by a publisher and went to #1 in the New York Times list.
-WhoBob’s “Gay Turkish Avengers” became a massive box office success. It was big enough to become a cinematic universe.
-Steel Sponge, after being bestowed full royalties for the film productions of The Adventures of No Name and Pisces Moon, would use his money to finally give 101 Dalmatian Street the second season it deserved.
-Former UWS SBC contestant Blue Skarmory, despite not making an appearance in this story, died from a fentanyl overdose. He was 27 years old.

 

MrBeast, after leaving his channel untouched after the lawsuit, would be declared AWAL. Some say that he’s moved on to live the rest of his life as a recluse, some say he reunited the Beastie Boyz comedy act, while rumors say that he’s working on making himself into a God of the new world, devising his plan to eradicate all life on Earth and help create new life. Sounds stranger than fiction, but in a series like What If…it could be realer than you think. I’m Jesse Ventura, and this is Conspiracy Theory.

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  • God Himself 3
Posted

This story is much in line with the Wario the idea concept. This is relevant because I have never actually watched a Pieguyrulz video, but I know of him; I know of him as a concept, as an idea. I UNDERSTAND Pieguy, and this story is a representation of him as an idea and a concept. Pie Guy the idea and Pie Guy the person, I'm sure, are different, but this is about Pie Guy the idea. 

Episode 13: What If... Pieguy Wrote SpongeBob?

We open on a normal episode of SpongeBob

Spongebob: Hey, Patrick! Wanna go jellyfishing?

Patrick: Oh, I'd love to SpongeBob, but I can't…

SpongeBob: Why not?

Patrick: I broke my net, see? [shows SpongeBob his broken Net]

SpongeBob: i guess missing one day of jellyfishing isn't such a bad thing [hands Patrick his net] you can borrow mine

Patrick: Yay!! Thanks Spongebob [hugs Spongebob very tightly]

We pan out showing the TV screen, then turn around to reveal PieguyRulz watching the episode

Pie: UGH! [Throws Remote into the TV shattering it] IT’S ALL SCUMBOB! [stands up and looks out of the window] They can't keep getting away with this! Someone has to stop them! Something needs to be do-

Before he could finish speaking a book falls out of the sky and onto his head

Pie: What’s this? It’s a book. The first page reads ‘’What you write in here becomes reality; use with caution’’

Pie: oh this is too perfect! WITH THIS I CAN FIX SPONGEBOB! I CAN REVERSE SCUMBOB! AND SAVE STEVEN’S LEGACY! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA!

Pie Guys conscience: you could also like…cure cancer

Pie: Shut up!

Pie begins rewriting the show, and removing all the aspects of post movie that he deems ‘’terrible’’ (giggling through every new line he writes)

Pie: it is done….[smiles]

We cut back to the tv to the now remade SpongeBob Squarepants

Spongebob: Why hello there, Patrick? May I inquire as to what you have planned on this fine day?

Patrick: Nothing much, Mr. Robert, but i may be interested in a walk in the park, that is of course if you’d be interested in joining me

Spongebob: Of course

Squidward exits his house

Spongebob and Patrick: Morning, Mr Squidward

Squidward: Good morning, gentlemen. I must say that seeing you both standing on the sand alone like that has left me quite dejected. Why don't you both join me for a walk in the park?

SpongeBob: What a humorous coincidence! We were just heading there as well.

Squidward: Very well, then.

Meanwhile at the recording studio

Clancy Brown: Excuse me

Andrea Romano: Yes?

Clancy Brown: Who are you getting to write these lines?

Andrea Romano: One of our superfans ‘’PieguyRulz’’

Clancy freezes as he catches the thousand-yard stare…he’s seen this once before with the infamous ‘’Mr Enter’’

Tom approaches Clancy but is stopped by Rodger Bumpass

Rodger Bumpass: There’s nothing we can do for him right now

Tom Kenny: We can't keep on recording with him like this

Rodger Bumpass: who said anything about recording

Bumpass pulls out a box with two rings

Rodger: put these on

They both put on the ring and turn into their cartoon counterparts Kennybob and Squidass…squid always ends up with the lousy names (They transform in the same vein as SOW)

KennyBob: Let’s go crush that pie

Minutes Later

Ext: Pieguy’s house

They both knock on the door

Pie opens the door and is frightened by the sight of the two cartoon characters standing at his doorway

Squidass: What the fuck is this [Holds the script in Pie’s face]

Pie runs across into his house but is ultimately cornered by the two

Pieguyrulz: what’re you gonna do? Pour hot oil on me, Or put bamboo shoots under my nails?! 

KennyBob: Worse [devilish smile]

Squidass gets closer to pieguy’s face and utters the dreaded words

Squidass: Spongehe e e enge….. [the words fly out of Squidass’ mouth and into Pie’s ear]

He shrieks

Pie: Stop! Stop! I beg of you!!!

Kennybob joins in

Kennybob: Smooth Jazz in bikini bottom

Pie: What’s so scary about that?

Kenny Smiles

Kennybob: Patrick eating Squidward’s pass…

Pie faints

Hours later he starts to wake up, he’s in a hospital bed, surrounded by all the VAs

 Pie: where am i?

Tom Kenny: You passed out after we mentioned episodes you hated

Rodger Bumpass: we might’ve gone a bit too hard on you [regretful]

Clancy Brown: so to apologize we got you this gift [hands him a gift bag]

Pie: for me? You shouldn't have [places his hand in the gift bag and senses….The S7 DVD]

Cut to a gravestone.

R.I.P PieguyRulz

 

The end

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Posted

WhaleBlubber was one of the most infamous enemies to tv.com, and his name still haunts SBC despite only ever bothering us once. His whereabouts today remain one of the greatest unsolved mysteries in SBC lore. But what if… he stuck around and had successfully taken over SBC?

Episode 14: What If… WhaleBlubber Ruled SBC?

In July 2010, WhaleBlubber had successfully destroyed what remained of the Tv.com SpongeBob board with a spam raid and bribing several moderators to ban users. He decided to expand his ambitions to spamming SBC now, refusing to let the Tv.com refugees start anew. But then, as he began making an account to raid SBC, an idea hatched in his brain: Instead of getting banned for the lulz for the 100th time, what if he played the long game? He planned to gain the staff’s trust, act like a normal member, and take over the site from within. WhaleBlubber registered as “guymonty” a month later to let the heat die down first. He did not go in posting with his usual shark and feces spam schtick, instead actually trying to be a contributive member of the community. Unlike what happened in reality, “guymonty” did not trigger any red flags and quickly became a popular member. To fit in, he pretended to be a connoisseur in several subjects that he had no interest in such as Pokemon, Family Guy, Nostalgia Critic, and even SpongeBob. Whenever people would dunk on WhaleBlubber, “guymonty” begrudgingly joined in the dunking sessions, but he deeply hated how they belittled his ego. He would thankfully not have to put up with this for much longer.

Another month passes and “guymonty” has become a respected member. Since this was in the olden days where popular members became staff, you can guess what was on the staff’s mind. “Guymonty” was promoted to an admin, joining the panel of 70s, jjs, tvguy and Ex, and everyone gave him a roaring applause. By the time staff realized who “guymonty” truly was however, it was too late. WhaleBlubber had demoted and banned them all, taking control. They could not believe he successfully duped and outsmarted them. He renamed the site to “Shit Bros Community" and laid out his ten commandments that he would enforce with a blubbery fist:

1: No insulting the big man himself.

2: No discussion of any other religions or gods, for he is the only true god.

3: No dissing sharks, for they are the best aquatic creature.

4: No pseudo-intellectual essays.

5: No gays allowed.

6: No unfunny jokes. What's “funny” will be up to staff’s discretion.

7: No talking about any musician except Soulja Boy.

8: No talking about SpongeBob.

9: No jaywalking. 

10: Anything else goes and have a good time.

The forum became an unfiltered wild west akin to 4chan. Several disgraced Tv.com trolls join including NightmareFan17, who attempts to win Blubber’s favor with much ass kissing. But Blubber finds him to be pathetic and banishes him from his kingdom. WhaleBlubber continues to party and cause chaos with his troll brethren. However, as the months go by, something strange happens: WhaleBlubber grows…bored. He had always loved being the daring internet outlaw, but now that he’s on the other end, it was not his preferred thrilling feeling. He was in an echo chamber where their trolling had no impact or bothered anyone, and that pissed him off. He also grew tired of dealing with what he perceived as stupid complaints because he truthfully had no idea how to run a forum. Suddenly, WhaleBlubber bitterly makes an announcement:

“There is no WhaleBlubber.”

His followers are confused and betrayed by this, wondering if this was another shitpost or if there was a hidden meaning to it. Meanwhile, several SBC users had been plotting in secret to take back their forum. They launch a spam raid and several disillusioned trolls join them. WhaleBlubber is too apathetic to fight back and prevents the rest of his staff from banning them. In the end, the resistance is able to liberate SBC from WhaleBlubber’s rule and sends him fleeing. His reign of tyranny had come to an end, yet part of him was secretly relieved it was over. WhaleBlubber was forced to giving up his dreams of being the ultimate internet troll and actually get his life. Rumors say he became a fisherman living in solitude and away from technology. Part of him always wants to give into his urge to return to trolling but did his best to move on. One day, as if by divine intervention, he accidentally fishes up a lost iPhone. He spends a few moments staring at it, wondering if he should give into the temptation. Ominously cut to black.

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Posted

Thanks to teenj who guest wrote this one, will be posting it for him.

Ah, SBC—otherwise known as The SpongeBob Community. By this point, we all know the story; a forum created by Terminoob in 2009, born from strife and misery over on the TV.com SpongeBob SquarePants boards. Membership grew rapidly over the next few years and gave birth to iconic users still known today, one of the most revered being OMJ, making his debut on January 15, 2011. At least in the timeline you know… But what if OMJ had joined exactly one year earlier in 2010?

Episode 15: What If...OMJ Joined a Year Earlier?

The story almost plays out the same, him quickly becoming one of SBC’s most popular users with his undeniable comedic wit, but things take a rather unfamiliar turn once we reach this universe’s First SBC Renaissance. 

OMJ, simultaneously a member on the Avatar Moctv Refuge, came up with a plan to use the infighting between Terminoob and 70s as an opportunity to spread the greatness of Avatar: The Last Airbender. To SBC. With his popularity already at an all-time high, he seized the hearts and minds of many users on this young SBC. Eventually, even 70s got on board with his vision, if only to further stick it to Terminoob. 

But SBC’s founder refused to go down without a fight, and in this timeline, very literally. So OMJ proposed a genius solution: an in-real-life community deathmatch between the half of SBC that wanted the change, and the half led by Terminoob who didn’t want it. Victor would seize control of the site’s destiny. OMJ arranged for the deathmatch to take place on his home turf, in Hawaii, and so SBCers took to the island and engaged in an all-out, bloody battle, OMJ’s side winning by a hair. 

And so The SpongeBob Community came to be rebranded as The Avatar: The Last Airbender Community, or AtlaC. OMJ and 70s became co-head admins and went on to craft a forum so popular it enveloped all other Avatar communities at the time, including the MocTV Refuge and AvatarSpirit.Net. The AtlaC’s popularity became so great that it increased the actual show’s popularity by tenfold, and in this timeline, Nickelodeon developed Avatar Studios earlier, eventually hiring AtlaCers such as TJ and AvatarOddFan (AOF) to work alongside them. Avatar: The Last Airbender went on to dominate the channel and become a beloved worldwide phenomenon, leading to SpongeBob SquarePants’ cancellation.

World’s smallest violin plays…

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Posted

Here's the Season 2 finale, written by Clappy:

Hello. I am The Lurker. I observe all that transpires here on SBC. But I do not, can not, will not…interfere. Join me on the journey to face the unknown and ponder the question…

Episode 16: What If... The Super Bowl Curse Was Real?

Ah yes. Doesn’t this bring back hilarious memories? At the time, this was a very serious matter. People were threatening to LEAVE. And you know how serious it gets threatening to leave SBC. Serious business…for a couple hours or a day. And this detrimental tradition occurred for the following couple of years afterwards. Fighting and leaving and fake drama that only happens on the internet. Ironically the big fights always happening on Super Bowl Sunday. Instead of watching Peyton Manning vs Drew Brees, we were watching 70s vs tvguy with a SOF Super Bowl Halftime Show. Until 2014, when all of a sudden, the fights just stopped happening and the users became….civil. Not civil war, actually civil.  

Who wants that? Not I, The Lurker. I like chaos and hilarious threats of leaving a SpongeBob fan site. I want vengeance. I want fake sympathy sob stories to try and mess with the people’s heads. I want Seb recording the e-fights of people moving to made up cities and someone saying shut the fuck up. Give me the WHAT IF THE SUPER BOWL CURSE CONTINUED!?!? Watch as I recap each year’s fight, reasons, and the recap.

2014

Fight - Sauce vs The Fan Five

Reason - Lashing back against the “false eyelash” accusations

Results - Sauce, vengeful over the downfall of her ask me thread, is sick and tired of everyone poking fun at her accusations of having fake eyelashes. She goes to every single ask me thread in a last ditch effort to have everyone believe that her eyelashes are real. The feedback from the fam is that they are as real as there being palm trees in Alabama. She leaves the world of Ask Me anything for one hour only to come back apologizing. All is forgiven as she goes back to only circling the ask me threads…what a time 2012-2014 SBC was, am I right? 

2015

Fight - Nugs vs tvguy

Reason - Who won’t get on Skype?

Results - After the hundreds of times of tvguy asking for Nugs to get on Skype, he brings the Skype to SBC as tvguy is sick of Nugs not seeing his messages to get on Skype. A friendship is in turmoil as tvguy leaves SBC for the approximately 1000th time over this. Rumor has it that to this day that Skype feels like the true third wheel as who gets on Skype anymore?

2016

Fight - OMJ vs Clappy

Reason - Who is SBC’s true top poster?

Results - Jjs decides to nuke games and spam as post counts. Clappy wins. OMJ decides to make a Community Deathmatch parody to let out his true aggression and feelings about Jjs decision claiming that it was all fiction only for him to lose it on the community. OMJ leaves for two hours only to come back with “shoutouts” as his way to get back in the community’s good graces. It's just posts!

2017

Fight - Rebel vs SBC

Reason - Is Orange Man Bad?

Results - Do I need to say more? Rebel eventually learns to keep her pro Trumping to herself and we barely see her ever again after this….rumor has it she comes back to SBC next year after Trump is inaugurated in a few months to hold the title in the cabinet as Secretary of SpongeBob Forums.

2018

Fight - Crushing vs “The Activity”

Reason - Why is SBC not active any more?

Results - Because it's 2018 and who still uses internet forums? Crushing ends up making a goof out of himself in a year full of making a goof out of himself. 

2019

Fight - Maroon 5 vs The People

Reason - The Super Bowl Halftime Show

Results - The people’s patience finally waned on coveted SBC member, Maroon 5. Especially due to the death of SpongeBob creator, Stephen Hillenburg. The months leading up, SBC thought wouldn’t it be nice for SBC member, Maroon 5, to do a touching tribute. No response. The people of SBC grew mad. Jjs in particular told Adam Levine that I bet you can’t put on one of the most sterile Super Bowl performances of all time. Adam Levine said, bet? He proceeds to take his shirt off and invites the SpongeBob cast to introduce Travis Scott to play Sicko Mode. Now you all know the backstory behind the moment that shook the internet.

2020

Fight - Garfield vs The Mondays

Reason - Because every day of 2020 felt like a case of the Mondays and Garfield turned into a selfish entitled prick trolling SBC members.

Results - Let’s just say Garfield got sent to Abu Dhabi months later after Covid kept us all indoors.

2021

Fight - JCM vs JCM

Reason - Because JCM kept wildly missing on his predictions in a year chalk full of misses.

Results - JCM bans JCM from making predictions by the time Clappy finishes this sentence. JCM unbans himself because everyone gets one right; so why not make 500 more?

2022

Fight - Wumbo and Clappy vs the Age of Time

Reason - Due to the two feeling old, they both leave the community at the beginning of the year thinking it is finally time to move on.

Results - ….just kidding. Both are back today to cherry cheesecake, talk about being done with yahoos, thanking Bart for needing that today, dog police, share their writings, guest write for Jjs and all the other timeless classics. They will stick around the Community until they are 90….now where’s my paycheck Jjs?

2023

Fight - SB&P vs Eggplants

Reason - SB&P questions why everyone always eggplant reacts him.

Results - SB&P finally gets a clue after over six years and then decides to dox even harder; resulting his banishment from the community. Rumor has it SB&P learned from this experience and now owns an eggplant farm where he cultivates award winning eggplant crops and he thanks his fans from SBC for each accolade and wonders when his banishment from the community will finally be over?

2024

Fight - Steel vs Hawk

Reason - Block Party vs Mixtape

Results - Due to ”complaints”, they get merged into one thread.

And that is it. No more Super Bowl curses…

2025     

Who will be the fighters then?  It’s up for you to decide to let the curse live on. But just remember. Be spiteful. Instigate. And remember when all else fails, threaten to leave. That is what will make people forget you ever did anything wrong. This is the Lurker. Reporting to you live from Communtiy Deathmatch. Dumb fight and good night!

---------

See you in early 2025 for Season 3!

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