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The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie: The SCANDAL and Review

Joe Biden

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SpongeBob is perhaps one of the most recognized cartoons of all time, and that could be mainly because they package each Nickelodeon DVD with a SpongeBob SquarePants episode. It quickly became one of the most popular shows on Nickelodeon, spawning many episodes and movies in the following years. But when you line up all the SpongeBob movies in order, one of them just sticks out like a sore thumb, and that movie is The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie.


Now I know what you're thinking: That I'm gonna sit here and attack The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie. Well, before you start sending your hate mail, just hear me out. I don't really hate The SpongeBob Movie, but when you compare it to the other SpongeBob movies, this one just has ass written all over it!


First of all, the animation is too advanced. Why couldn't they just use the animation from the earlier episodes? I think the movie would look a whole lot better if it looked the same way as the original series did. Instead, it has to look like some sort of movie or something. I know this is a minor detail that I should probably overlook but it's still some ball-slapping shit.


Second of all, the title. Why is it called The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie if they were gonna make more movies in the future? They clearly should've taken a page out of Disney and called it SpongeBob's 1st Movie. That way, it would be easier to tell whether or not this was the first SpongeBob movie. Adding the "The" in the title makes no sense because it makes it sound like this is the only SpongeBob movie that's good. Even worser is that they reuse the same title but different in future SpongeBob movies. What were they thinking?!


Another problem I have with this movie is Mr. Krabs. First of all, his new restaurant name is stupid. He just reuses the same name as The Krusty Krab, only it has a 2 now. Couldn't he have used a better name? I wouldn't mind it so much if it was a parody name like "Underwater Bennigan's" or something but "Krusty Krab 2" is stupid. Second, it looks exactly the same as the first Krusty Krab. I think it would've made more sense for Mr. Krabs to renovate the current Krusty Krab instead of wasting a bunch of lumber on a replica of the same restaurant. If he wanted to make more money, couldn't he just make the prices of food and drinks more higher? That's bullshit.


Speaking of bullshit, Mr. Krabs has the nerve to call SpongeBob a kid. This movie was released in 2004 and SpongeBob was born in 1986 so based off this, he would be 18 years old at this point. Do people in Bikini Bottom consider 18-year-olds to still be kids? It makes even less sense when this movie (allegedly) takes place at the end of the series so SpongeBob would have to be like 30-something years old here.


And why does King Neptune look nothing like he does in the original series? He's supposed to look like this:


But instead, he looks like this:


Why doesn't this show have any consistency at all? And if you compare the two images, the first Neptune looks extremely badass while the second one looks like a dumbass who doesn't even look like he can rule a city. And where did he get that gold necklace from? I have a theory that this is not the real Neptune and that the movie Neptune crushed the old badass one with a rock or something.


And worst of all, the villain of this movie isn't even King Koopa! Instead, we are treated to a dumb green plankton named Plankton. This makes no sense whatsoever and it completely ruins the entire movie for some reason.


Now if you think this review is over, think again. Because after doing even more research, I found out some information that is guaranteed to flip some shit. Years earlier, there came out a movie called Good Burger that had all the same elements as the original. Same characters, same enemies, and you remember that beloved Patty Wagon from the SpongeBob movie? Turns out they stole that exact same car from Good Burger. They even have a real-life celebrity cameo in both movies! Why whichever studio made this movie decided to copy that superior movie is beyond me.


There came out two other SpongeBob movies after this one. They were okay, but they're both perfect predecessors to the first SpongeBob movie. Bottom line: This movie deserves to be buried under a shit mountain.

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