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The prequel to hit spin-off Skodwarde is finally here! As we build anticipation for Skod on the Run's grand finale to the universe, we'll be doing this as a fun supplement. In this 6 part miniseries, SpongeBob and friends get into whacky adventures at a shady camp run by none other than Giancarlo Esposito. But there's more than meets the eye to this camp, as Squidward brings an uninvited legend who soon begins to cause problems. Will this ruin your childhood and the good name of Skodwarde forever? Possibly! Did OMJ give his blessings for this? I think he did! First episode coming soon to SBC+!

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Episode 1: The Jellyfish Murderer

One day, the French Narrator sets our CGI scene and introduces us to Mein Kampf Koral, one of the most popular and unsuspecting summer camps in the seas. There is absolutely nothing suspicious to investigate there, we promise. Pan down to a cabin, where kid SpongeBob wakes up in the morning feeling like P Diddy after an intense dream about… jellyfishing. Come on now, they’re kids, we’re not quite gonna go that dirty yet. SpongeBob needs to prove himself a great camper by catching his first jellyfish, a day that will be written in history books I'm sure. Kid versions of Patrick and Sandy appear, ready to go jellyfishing with him. Yep, even Sandy is present here, which infuriates many longtime Skodwarde fans for the blatant disregard of its tightly connected lore and continuity. But don’t worry, we’ll hopefully have a satisfying explanation that may make more sense than the show’s. Maybe, idk. Turn your brain off and ignore it for now. They see kid Squidward still sleeping in another bunk, who yes, does still exist at this point in the Skod timeline surprisingly. SpongeBob blows on his clarinet, the awful sounds awaking Squidward and every other camper. Squidward is scared shitless, then angrily takes the clarinet back from SpongeBob, telling him to never touch that. SpongeBob tells him he's gonna catch his first jellyfish today, and Squidward says he'll believe it when he sees it. The kids head outside, when Patrick begins to smell something that kind of smelly smelly, that smells...smelly. Unfortunately, it is not anchovies, but to his nose (wait...) it smells like something potentially illegal. Patrick holds that foreshadowing thought for another time.

Larry is seen doing exercises with the kids, here SpongeBob tries to annoy them with jellyfish facts, but nobody really gives a damn. Bubblebath is seen helping give campers baths. Plankton serves...something rhyming with chum and fum to the kids. Sandy asks what it is, but he can't tell her or the camp would get shutdown in a heartbeat. When he serves SpongeBob his food, SpongeBob is very happy because this will give him motivation to catch his first jellyfish. Plankton doesn't have the heart to tell him, so he lets him believe that. Kounselor Krabs blows his whistle, signaling to the kids it's jellyfishing time! And yes, we're aware of what a further mindfuck it is that somehow SpongeBob knew Plankton and Krabs even as a kid, but we'll explain it. Or not. The campers all head to Jelly Meadow. However, the kids are horrified to see dead jellyfish lying on the ground, milked clean of all their sweet delicious jelly. Many kids are traumatized by this scene probably, and Krabs worries about the looming lawsuits. Squidward gasps, feeling that he knows who did this. He tells his fellow campers that his long lost German cousin named “Skodwarde” haunts this camp and is likely responsible for this heinous act. He also further explains that this camp was built on scared land belonging to Nazis and Skod's ancestors, hence why it’s called “Mein Kampf” which you’d think would’ve raised some eyebrows, but the ocean dwellers ain’t the brightest. They all think he’s bullshitting them and don’t take it seriously though, as you probably would too if someone tried unironically telling you something like that. Giancarlo Esposito (starring as himself), the manager of the camp, approaches after hearing all the ruckus. Krabs nervously tells him what happened, hoping he's not fired for this. Giancarlo tells him to relax, keeping a calm demeanor. Giancarlo tells the campers not to panic, as there are plenty of jellyfish in the sea and that this will be investigated. He also insists they not tell their parents to avoid lawsuits. Giancarlo mulls over what could've caused this, but ultimately assumes it was just a wild animal and shrugs it off. The campers head off to find other jellyfish. 

Suddenly, Skodwarde comes out of the shadows and pulls Squidward aside, telling him to keep his damn mouth shut. Squidward apologizes, saying he just wanted to add some fun to this boring experience, and it's not like they'll believe him anyways. Skodwarde however worries someone may believe it, as he sees Giancarlo investigating. SpongeBob asks who Squidward was talking to, as he turns around to see Skodwarde is gone. Bubblebath suggests it was probably "Skodwarde", as they all laugh at him. After some nautical nonsense of SpongeBob trying and failing to catch a jellyfish, needing to answer his mom's phone call, and breaking into Krabs's office, everyone is beat for the day. Giancarlo has been unable to get any leads of who the sick jellyfish murderer is, but he tells Plankton and Krabs to keep a weary out for anything. SpongeBob feels like a sad virgin because everyone else got a jellyfish but him. Sandy cheers him up by saying she may have a plan. The next morning, Sandy and Patrick rudely kidnap Squidward against his will. He’s painted pink, put in a bowl, and they convince him to act like a jellyfish. Squidward protests that this may not be a great idea with a deranged jellyfish murderer on the loose, but they promise they'll protect him, which only worries Squidward more. They dangle him from a fish line, and make him dance like a jelly so SpongeBob catches it. Patrick tells SpongeBob that there is a “big, ugly ass jellyfish." Skodwarde sees the Squidward Torture Porn in action, and he scoffs at this, claiming only he is allowed to torture his cousin. He then uses his god powers to summon an ugly ass monster to throw a wrench into their scheme and terrorize the camp for the lulz. After they find Jelly Squid, SpongeBob tries to catch it, but the line breaks, and Squidward goes out of control. When he lands, SpongeBob is about to catch him when a big eye opens, and Skodwarde’s monster eats Squidward. Skodwarde views this with a pair of binoculars and laughs at Squidward’s misery. SpongeBob, Patrick and Sandy chase the monster all the way to the camp. SpongeBob tries to talk to the monster afterwards, but it eats him. Note that us Skodwarde writers do not condone vore to avoid lawsuits. After landing in the monster's stomach, SpongeBob finds Squidward, and he blows a bubble that expands so much that it carries the two out of there. Everyone claps, until the bubble pops and the soap goes into their eyes. Sandy offers the monster some of Plankton’s c(h)um, terrifying it and causing it to run off like a baby. Skodwarde is not amused by the monster's performance, and vaporizes it. Nonetheless, this was only an experiment and he'll have better ways to fuck with the camp.

Squidward gets out of the bowl, when Patrick says that SpongeBob caught his first jellyfish. Krabs cockblocks him, saying that since fake jellyfish don’t count, SpongeBob don’t get his jellyfishing badge. As a consolation prize though, he is rewarded a “saving a counselor from a monster” badge at least. Sandy then asks why that is a badge, but llike many things, she's not gonna get an answer to that question, ar ar ar! SpongeBob also gets a free complimentary Cuban cigar, to which Krabs insists “ye didn’t get it from me” in case his parents sue. SpongeBob feels honored and promises that when he does catch a jellyfish, he'll release it so it doesn't suffer the same fate as the poor ones earlier. Patrick wonders who the jelly murderer was, but Krabs assures them it was likely just a wild animal serving nature's will and nothing more. At his office, Giancarlo is curious about where this monster came from. Between that and the jellyfish murders, he ponders if someone is trying to disturb his business. He would not allow whoever is responsible to continue this. Skodwarde looks out from a bush, seeing Giancarlo walk to his cabin. Skodwarde doesn’t know why, but he has quite a suspicious feeling about this camp owner and vows he will expose his secret…

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Episode 2: Crystal Squeeze

One day, SpongeBob is stacking pinecones. Patrick bursts out from the pile and rudely interrupts him, crying that his candy is gone. Now…he’s gonna starve. They soon discover that other campers, including Sandy, had their candy stolen too. First innocent jellyfish getting gruesomely murdered, and now there’s a candy thief on the loose! A lot of weird shit is happening at this camp, many. Squidward suggests this must be Skodwarde’s doing yet again, to which the other campers groan in annoyance and then mock him. Sandy tells him to keep his nutty conspiracy theories to himself, as she wants to look at facts based on reality. SpongeBob, Patrick and Sandy then find a trail of candy wrappers (thankfully not left by Seb this time, obligatory ATTWL 3 callback!) which they suspect will lead them to the culprit. Skodwarde pulls Squidward aside again, telling him this isn't his doing for once, but Squidward doesn’t believe him. Squidward asks why he killed those poor jellyfish, to which Skod says he needed to lure the camp owner out, that and because he needed something to eat. Skod warns him to keep an eye on him for him, as he suspects he’s hiding something, but Squidward tells him to fuck off and keep his nutty conspiracy theories to himself. Skodwarde sighs, wishing his cousin, or anyone in general really, would listen to him. 

Later that night, Sandy gets an idea to set a trap for the candy thieves. SpongeBob acts as bait, wearing a candy costume. Suddenly, something bites his leg, freaking him out. The three shine their flashlights, revealing a little redneck stereotype narwhal known as Nobby. They shake the little shit off, who is then grabbed by his partner in crime, another redneck stereotype narwhals known as Narlene. Nobby realizes that's not actual candy (no shit). Sandy says they've caught them red handed, knowing they're the candy thieves. Narlene and Nobby confess, but reveal they meant no harm. They only wanted people's candy to help make a great new product for everyone. They reveal they discovered a secret candy called “Crystal Blue” and spiced it up by adding the stolen candy to it, showing it to the gang. It looks suspiciously a lot like blue meth, but with tons of sweets added on top of it. Sandy was warned by her parents about taking candy from strangers, so she politely declines. SpongeBob and Patrick are none the wiser though, so they gladly eat it. The two goobers are both sent to paradise, high off their rockers, as this plays in the background:

Sandy suspiciously asks where they got this Crystal Blue from, to which Narlene says a good magician never reveals their secrets. Meanwhile, a secret underground laboratory beneath the camp is shown. Down there, tons of crystal blue meth, looking just like what Nobby and Narlene are providing, is being produced by workers. Giancarlo observes them carefully. It is revealed that the camp is a secret front for Giancarlo’s drug business, so Skodwarde was right for once. With the keen eye he has, Giancarlo notices the supply line is a little light and that they are missing product. He asks how this happened, and the workers look at each other nervously, hesitating to answer. One of them comes forward and reveals that two stupid narwhals managed to bury their way underground, finding the lab. They took several of the packages and escaped. Giancarlo is not happy that the lab has been compromised and that their product is out there, for he cannot let the kids discover it. He orders the workers to increase security precautions and ominously declares that he will "handle the thieves."

Narlene and Nobby continue to sell their Crystal Blue candy to other campers, who happily dive in. Narlane reveals herself to be not that quite stupid, and reveals she's been working on an invention called "Crystal Squeeze" that makes the Crystal Blue candy for them. Sandy is admittedly impressed, as she sees the machine in action, systematically putting the candy onto the blue meth. The campers applaud, continue eating it up. However, Narlene and Nobby then realize they've run out of Crystal Blue to make, promising to get more. Unfortunately, soon the kids become sick from the meth candy fusion. Narlene admits she may have bit off more than she could chew, feeling nauseous. SpongeBob and Patrick admit they've had enough Crystal Blue for a lifetime. Squidward laughs at this, saying that's what they get for taking candy from strangers. Sensing yet another lawsuit in the pit of his wallet, Kounselor Krabs storms out of his office, looking at the sick campers. He asks who the hell the two narwhals are, seeing on his trusty list they're not registered campers. Narlene apologizes, saying she gave this candy out to everyone. Giancarlo appears out of the blue, handing out medicine to make the kids feel better. He tells them to get a good night's sleep to shake it off. He tells them he is not mad, but to be careful about trusting strangers, and ensures this will not happen again. The kids are inspired by this speech and already feel better. Giancarlo then gives that ominous glare to the two narwhal intruders, making them gulp. Giancarlo politely asks Narlene and Nobby to come with him, to which other campers suggest they’re probably in a lot of trouble. And you bet they are. Giancarlo takes them down to his office, then ominously locks the door behind. Narlene says they're sorry for this, saying they didn't mean to steal his blue candy, they were just curious. Giancarlo didn't want to resort to this, but has no choice as they've seen too much. He goes to his desk and pulls a box cutter knife out of it. He then grabs both narwhals and cuts off their horns with his knife, terrifying the two. He then begins gruesomely stabbing them to death with it, leaving quite a mess in the cabin. He orders one of his most trusted workers, Jonathan Banks (guest starring as himself) to clean up this mess. 

Sandy takes the narwhals' machine and decides to repurpose it into an acorn maker, helping inspire Sandy to make future contrived and insane inventions. Skodwarde, having watched these events through his binoculars, is curious about where the two dumbass narwhals got that blue meth from. He comes to the conclusion someone at this seemingly innocent camp is secretly making it, and sets his eyes on Giancarlo. Wait, no, not in that way…damnit!

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Episode 3: In Search of Camp Kidney

One day, the campers are all bored, waiting for something interesting to happen. That’s right, this spin-off is so creatively bankrupt and soulless our characters are that bored, only three episodes in! Squidward is relaxing on a chair, reading Essential Elements for Band: Bb Bass Clarinet. Skodwarde kept demanding that Squidward read a strange book called Mein Kampf, but Squidward had no interest in that, for he only reads true literary talent. Sandy wonders what happened to Narlene and Nobby, to which Krabs assures her that Mr. Esposito sent them on their way and they won’t be a problem anymore. Giancarlo is standing outside of his cabin, looking around his surroundings sharply and carefully. He cannot afford another security breach in his operation. Giancarlo then receives a phone call and answers it. On the other end, a voice tells him “The Elites have heard about his recent problems” (confirming Giancarlo is a part of the group) and ask if he needs any further assistance in squashing them. Giancarlo assures he has everything under control and that the narwhals are taken care of, but will call back if any other issues crop up. The Elites are pleased by this, and end their call by saying “Hail Satan.”

Skodwarde observes the bored camp with his binoculars. He needs to scout the place to figure out where Giancarlo is hiding his meth, and if he’s a part of a larger conspiracy, but can’t do that with these obnoxious kids everywhere. Skodwarde prefers to lay low and not reveal himself to the world. He then hatches a genius idea to distract them. Skodwarde knows of a secret camp nearby named Camp Kidney. Yes, the very same Camp Kidney from Cartoon Network show Camp Lazlo. It’s not a Skodwarde production without at least one shameless crossover, ar ar ar! We also know you’d probably rather be watching that than reading this, so we’re going to taunt you. He decides he’ll turn it into a legend to get the kids on a wild goose chase. How ironic, the legend making his own legend. Skodwarde looks at Patrick, who he views as the perfect pawn to spread the rumor. Patrick is throwing rocks a tree stump for some reason, when Skodwarde uses his god powers to make a note appear in his hand. Patrick tries to read the note, but can't make it out. This frustrated Skodwarde, who then dumbs it down to a language Patrick can decipher. Patrick gasps upon reading it, realizing there's a "secret, mysterious Camp Kidney nearby with treasure in it." 

Patrick tells his finding to the other campers, who aren't sure if they believe him or not. But Krabs says he's heard the legend too, shocking them all. He's tried to hunt for this supposed Camp Kidney for a while, but had no luck in doing so. This piques the interest of the other campers now, finally giving them something to do. So, SpongeBob, Patrick, Sandy, Squidward and Mr. Krabs decide to go on a hunt to see if this mysterious camp really exists, or if this is bullshit. A few other groups of campers also decide to go on a hunt, but nobody gives a shit about them. Now with the main cast out of the way and only a few irrelevant background campers remain, Skodwarde sees this as a perfect opportunity to take a little tour of the camp. He uses his god powers to disguise himself as a health inspector. As he walks on the holy grounds, Skodwarde feels his god powers getting quite a spike in power. He knew this place was special and belonged to him. He wouldn’t let these little shits and a drug lord take his land. Health Inspector Skod whistle and walks around, then comes across Giancarlo sweeping outside a cabin. Giancarlo politely asks what he can do for him, to which Skod says he's a health inspector and wants to examine the area, flashing his fake badge. Giancarlo is curious, saying he didn't know about a scheduled health inspector visit, but Skod says the letter must have been lost. Giancarlo is suspicious but decides to let him take a look around for now, as Skod does so. Giancarlo then contacts Jonathan Banks, asking him to follow that health inspector around and see what he's up to.

Meanwhile, after some nautical nonsense involving whacky hijinks and slapstick, SpongeBob and friends finally discover Camp Kidney, as the Camp Lazlo theme plays in the background! (hopefully they won’t sue) Krabs nearly lets out a couple of tears, surprised to see it's actually real. They observe the Camp Lazlo animal cast in fascination, as if they’ve discovered one of the wonders of the world. But there’s also a talking squirrel in the group, so this shouldn’t be the strangest thing they’ve ever seen. The group approaches the camp, surprising the scouts. Scoutmaster Lumpus is annoyed at the trespassers on his camp and demands they leave. Krabs negotiates, saying they're from a nearby camp who wanted to check the place out, suggesting they could partner up. Lazlo trusts they're good people and convinces Lumpus to let them explore the camp. The groups hit it off at first, having a good old time and everything seems fine. But the more they explore the camp, the more sense something very sus about it. Something feels...off. Why exactly are Camp Lazlo characters underwater? SpongeBob and Patrick throw a frisbee with Lazlo and Raj, when it accidentally smashes into Lumpus's office. SpongeBob and Patrick decide to go get it, which worries Lazlo and Raj. SpongeBob and Patrick enter the cabin, and discover incriminating evidence that Lumpus is not who he claims to be! Sandy discovers some of her own evidence too that this camp is not what it seems. After being caught and confronted, Lumpus unzips his costume to reveal himself as... a shark!? Every other Camp Lazlo character unzips their costumes revealing themselves to be sharks as well. It is revealed that this camp is actually a money laundering front for The Sharks, a communist mafia gang that act as rivals to both Giancarlo and Skodwarde. Yes, the very same Sharks that OMJ teased in a few S9 episodes but didn't go quite the way he envisioned because Trophy had a different vision in mind for his episode, but I'm working my retcon magic to fuse both of their concepts together! Hey, we've had enough retcons so far, why not? (also is anyone honestly even keeping tabs on Skod lore by this point lol) The Sharks say they know too much and gotta get whacked, see. One of them grabs Squidward, ready to shoot him because we gotta get in obligatory Squid abuse somehow. Krabs won't let his kids be hurt and activates his inner Armor Ass Krabs, beating the living shit out of the sharks. Sandy unleashes some of her early karate moves cause we gotta get in feminist power. SpongeBob and Patrick activate their chaos nature, destroying the entire camp. Most of the sharks have been brutally beat up. The Sharks retreat, embarrassed they got beaten by children and a crab. They get the hell outta there and promise they'll be back someday (as seen in Skodwarde episode 198a!). The kids thank Krabs for his help and he tells them to never underestimate the power of a marine. Squidward says this was an awful experience and wants to finish reading his book. They head back, and yes, Squidward's feet do hurt him along the way. Sandy then begins wondering if that camp wasn't so clean, could their own camp have secrets too?

Meanwhile, back Mein Kampf Koral, Skodwarde inspects as many cabins as he can for anything suspicious, but finds nothing. He breaks into Giancarlo's cabin, but finds nothing suspicious. Banks sees him in there and knows he's up to not good. Skodwarde then sets his sights on the cafeteria, heading inside. The head chef in there is a guy named Lyle, who is flipping away at the grill. Skodwarde tells Lyle to get outta there, saying he needs to examine this whole area for cleanliness. Lyle decides not to ask any questions and abides, leaving. Skodwarde looks around the kitchen, wondering if there's any secret entrances to the meth lab. But suddenly, Banks confronts him, pointing his gun. He tells him he knows he's not a real health inspector, and asks what he hell he's doing here. Skodwarde then uses his god powers to teleport away, as Banks misses his shots. Banks reports to Giancarlo about what happened, who looks concerned. Who was this fake health inspector? He worried the stupidity of the narwhals may have attracted an undercover DEA agent, or is this is an entirely unknown third party. He knows they have an actual threat on their hands now. Skodwarde then looks over the remains of The Sharks' former camp, pleased his plan to rid them worked out. He knew all along they were there and while he had hoped to wipe them all out entirely, they've still been driven away which is good enough. Now he plans to take down the other shady camp, pondering his next scheme to destroy Giancarlo.

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Episode 4: Breaking Sponge

One day, the cafeteria is seen being overcrowded by angry, hungry campers. They’re acting like the ravenous Krusty Krab customers eventually would, that foreshadowing! Plankton’s special c(h)um is on the menu for today, and it turns out that isn’t quite appealing to the campers, who would’ve thought? Krabs hears all the complaints and bursts in faster than a barefoot jack rabbit, sensing yet another lawsuit in the pit of his wallet (yep, we’re gonna milk this gag). He asks what the kids are bitching about, to which they say they hate Plankton’s food and want Mr. Lyle cooking instead. Plankton refuses to budge, but Krabs steps on him. Krabs says that Lyle took today off, which he wouldn’t allow if he was in charge, so he offers to cook some old fashioned navy food. Unfortunately, the kids don’t want that either, which makes Krabs aggravated. :angrykrabs: He then says if these snowflakes can do better, then one of them should cook. SpongeBob decides to take the challenge, offering to cook. He’s always dreamed about being a fry cook and decides to use this as a first step into the career. Krabs shrugs and decides to give it a shot. He says Plankton will be working with SpongeBob or he’s fired. Who knows, maybe even Plankton will learn how to actually cook something that isn’t fucking disgusting from the kid (spoiler: he won’t). Plankton hides his annoyance and pretends to be excited, as the two get into the kitchen.

Meanwhile, Giancarlo realizes one of the campers, Squidward Tennisballs-whoops, Tentacles, has an uncanny resemblance to the mysterious health inspector. He wonders if they are somehow related. Jonathan Banks says there’s plenty of octopi in the sea and it could be a coincidence. Still, Giancarlo suggests Banks delicately question him to see what he knows. Banks says he will do so, while Giancarlo begins researching through the history of Mein Kampf Koral to see if there’s anything he missed. He suspects something fishy is going on around here (drum snare), especially after Banks claims the intruder teleported away like some supernatural creature. Giancarlo knows there’s more to this mysterious health inspector than meets the eye. As Giancarlo shifts through old documents, he finds an old report of some people who tried to claim this land long ago, but got scared away by an alleged “magic Nazi squid.” Nobody took them seriously so the claim was dismissed. Giancarlo believes he’s found his smoking gun and continues to investigate.

Back at the kitchen, SpongeBob is ready to cook. Plankton tries to mentor SpongeBob, but that goes about as well as you expect. First, Plankton commands SpongeBob to boil water, but ends up making it on fire. Plankton then suggests something easier, asking him to cut bread. SpongeBob tries to cut the bread, but the knife accidentally goes flying at Plankton, who barely avoids it. To which Plankton replies “too bad that didn’t kill me” (look look we’re referencing an episode you’d rather be watching!). SpongeBob then tries whisking, but gets whisked himself. He then tries to mold some dough, but Plankton gets hurt instead. Plankton has had it, telling SpongeBob to get the fuck out. SpongeBob begs him to give him another chance, for he wants to be the sea’s best fry cook, even pulling the sappy puppy eyes. Plankton, against his better judgment, says he’ll give him one last chance, but he has to actually make something to get his seal of approval. So, SpongeBob gets to work and within a few minutes, whips something up. Plankton asks what it is, and SpongeBob says it’s a special soufflé. Plankton tries it, and it’s…surprisingly good? Perhaps this kid really did have potential after all, but he tells him not to get too cocky. SpongeBob considers it a success and lets out a victory screech (moar references!!!). Plankton tells him to make another. Skodwarde is eavesdropping outside of the cafeteria, and hatches another genius idea that will get Giancarlo in hot water. Skodwarde uses his god powers to make a bunch of meth ingredients fall into SpongeBob’s current soufflé. When it comes out of the oven, it's crystal blue colored, which has Plankton curious and SpongeBob confused. Plankton tries it and reaches ecstasy. Plankton says to SpongeBob he's got a magic touch and that the two of them will make a great team, so here's a low budget visual to accompany that:

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SpongeBob wants to say he's not sure if it's supposed to look like that, but is happy his chef career is taking off so he decides not to say anything. Skodwarde uses his god powers to replace all of the normal soufflé ingredients with meth, which SpongeBob puts in for his next batch. Plankton passes out the crystal blue soufflé to the campers, who dig in at once, and reach ecstasy as well. Skodwarde gets a good laugh out of this and then begins to call somebody. Banks sees Squidward sitting on his chair, still reading Essential Elements for Band: Bb Bass Clarinet and approaches him. Squidward looks up, annoyed and asks what he wants. Banks says he’d like to ask him a few questions, assuming he’s not wasting his precious time. Squidward says he’ll try. Banks asks him if he has any relatives, to which Squidward says of course. He then asks if any of them are health inspectors, which Squidward denies. He then asks if any have been to this camp before. Squidward then starts to grow suspicious on why Banks is asking him this, but Squidward tells him no. Banks thanks him for his time and walks away. Squidward starts to wonder if Skodwarde's been dicking around with the camp again and needs to find him immediately.

As the campers eat their soufflé, Sandy, being the only one there with a brain, realizes the color of it is similar to what Nobby and Narlene had. She tells the campers to stop eating that because it's bad for you, but they look at her like she's a stupid squirrel and ignore her warnings. Typical. Sandy peeks into the kitchen to see SpongeBob and Plankton making the crystal blue soufflé, assuming Plankton is tricking SpongeBob into making meth. Suddenly, a police car pulls up to the camp, and the God of Supremacy Orange Cop (!) gets out of it. Banks sees this and alerts Giancarlo, who both try to hide their worried looks. Giancarlo asks the officer what he can do for him. God of Supremacy Orange Cop says he received a notice that meth was spotted on this camp. Giancarlo assumes he's referring to the narwhals and tells them those were two intruders who were "dealt with." However, GOSOC says he was alerted of this today and needs to investigate pronto. Banks asks if he has a warrant, and the GOSOC pulls one out of his ass. The two can't argue with that, but aren't quite sure what to do now. Sandy then runs out of the cafeteria and tells the adults that Plankton snuck blue meth into their food. The GOSOC thanks the squirrel for her tip and barges into the kitchen, with SpongeBob and Plankton both putting their hands up. GOSOC gets the tiny handcuffs, arresting Plankton. Plankton is outraged, wanting to know the meaning of this. GOSOC explains he's been serving blue meth to children, confusing him. He points to the spiked soufflé, to which Plankton tries blaming SpongeBob, but SpongeBob says he was just using Plankton's ingredients. Plankton tries to protest this, ranting how he's been setup, wants a lawyer, and that he hates the police. GOSOC has heard enough and takes Plankton away. Krabs gives a hearty laugh, saying he always expected Sheldon to end up like this. Plankton vows he will destroy him!

Giancarlo apologizes to GOSOC for this employee's actions and promise he does not reflect all of Mein Kampf Koral (the more he says that out loud the more you wonder why nobody suspects anything). GOSOC thanks Sandy for snitching, though Sandy looks at Giancarlo suspiciously, fearing she may have gotten the wrong guy. Plankton says he doesn’t need them and vows that when he gets out of prison, which probably won't take long, he'll open his own successful restaurant because he went to college. He says he won't miss this place but promises he’ll try to remember them all in therapy, as he's thrown into GOSOC's car. Plankton gives them the double bird and shouts "so long, assholes!" as it drives off into the distance. Sandy notes how curiously, nobody got sick from the blue meth this time. SpongeBob suspects maybe his magic touch prevented them from getting sick, and feels even more confident than before now about his cooking abilities. Giancarlo and Banks know Plankton was set up by their "friend", but they wanted to get rid of him for a while, and nobody liked his cooking, anyways, so they can't complain about this turnout. Still, they were cutting it pretty close there and know they need to act fast. Giancarlo tells Bank he's discovered who has been causing them trouble: an ancient god known as "Skodwarde".

Squidward looks around for Skodwarde, demanding an explanation, but is unable to find him. Skodwarde, looking from afar, is annoyed his scheme has backfired, although is happy it's lit something a fire under Giancarlo's ass. He wanted to do this easily and quietly, but he now realizes he'll have to do something extreme to hurt Giancarlo's image. He has a devious look on his face, and no, it's not gay thoughts this time. :hands:

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Episode 5: Fake News Inc.

One day, Skodwarde realizes the perfect, ingenious scheme to destroy Giancarlo: with lots of slander and libel. He decides to whip up several crazy fake news stories to get the camp shut down. He knows the public loses their minds at the first sign of any controversy, no matter how small. You could even say Skodwarde is going to start the origins of cancel culture with this stunt. Look at all of the backstory we’re setting up here! If there’s one thing Skodwarde knows how to do well, it’s ruining other people’s lives and childhoods. He hopes this will prompt multiple investigations that will uncover Giancarlo’s meth lab and get him out of the picture. His first story is: Mein Kampf Koral supports terrorism!? Skodwarde uses his god powers to plant incriminating evidence around the camp linking Giancarlo to terrorist activities. Skodwarde then sends an anonymous tip to the Bikini Bottom News. He then sits back on his comfy chair, opens up Mein Kampf and watches the shitstorm unfold from there.

In Giancarlo’s cabin, Jonathan Banks combs through old documents from previous owners talking about Skodwarde sightings. Giancarlo also discovered that their communist shark rivals have been driven out of the area recently, which he suggests Skodwarde may have orchestrated too. Everything is coming together no. Neither of them can believe this. A Nazi squid/octopus with god powers is their enemy? It sounds like a shitpost from a bored guy on a SpongeBob forum, but it’s reality. Banks suspects based on what he’s read, this camp is built on ancient land belonging to this Skodwarde’s ancestors, and their presence has upset him. Giancarlo wishes he had known that before purchasing this for his shady activities. Giancarlo promises Banks they will be able to deal with this problem, as he does not give a shit about offending a Nazi. However, he is nervous deep inside as much as he tries to hide it. He’s always been able to calculate and counter anything known, but never anything supernatural. He would need to ask The Elites for assistance in this matter. But before he can do that, suddenly, several vehicles are heard pulling up outside. The campers are outside playing, and look in confusion as news vehicles arrive a Mein Kampf Koral. Perch Perkins gets out of one of them, hot off the presses, to investigate their tip. The cameras been rolling and Perch starts reporting without even the first bit of fact checking.

Perch: Good evening folks, Perch here to investigate the seemingly unsuspecting camp of Mein Kapf Koral! According to an anonymous tip, rumors say this camp secretly funds and supports TERRORISM!? We’re here to find out the truth. And here comes the camp’s manager, Mr. Esposito, to explain to us what’s going on!

Giancarlo is put on the spot as Perch puts a microphone in the face, but tries his best to handle the situation. Giancarlo calmly says this must be a prank, as they are just a simple, innocent summer camp. He points to the campers having fun, not really understanding what’s happening. SpongeBob and Patrick naively ask what a terrorist is. Sandy and Squidward don’t have the heart to tell them, so they promise they’ll understand when they’re older. Giancarlo insists to Perch’s team they can have a look around to see the camp is clean. While doing that, he privately tells Banks to get rid of anything potentially incriminating that Skodwarde planted. Banks heads off like a ninja despite his age. Giancarlo gives the eager journalists a tour, and in the end, they discover nothing linking the camp to terrorism. While this occurs, Banks finds weapons and various Islamic imagery which he cleans up. In the end, this stunt ended up only increasing Mein Kampf Koral’s reputation, as several parents decide to enroll their kids after seeing Giancarlo’s great management. Skodwarde is disappointed his scheme backfired again, but he has better ideas in mind. He notes he’ll need to get Giancarlo’s butt buddy Banks away while he plants his incriminating evidence. He’s admittedly impressed by his uncanny ninja talent to clean up dirt, but he knows that old man can’t keep up with this forever.

A montage passes of Skodwarde whipping up as many crazy stories as possible to ruin Giancarlo’sr reputation, while Feel Good Inc by Gorillaz plays in the background during this. The band also probably didn’t exist at the time of when this takes place, but oh well, it’s Skodwarde. They also probably didn’t approve the song usage either, so hopefully they don’t sue. Anyway, several attempted stories include: Mein Kampf Koral is hiding the existence of Seasquatch!?, Mein Kampf Koral is supporting animal cruelty!? (connecting back to those dead jellyfish), Mein Kampf Koral is a secret trafficking ring!?, Mein Kampf Koral is run by communists!?, Mein Kampf Koral is run by Nazis!?Mein Kampf Koral performs MK Ultra experiments!?, Mein Kampf Koral is haunted by ghosts!?, Mein Kampf Koral has a hidden UFO!?, Giancarlo is not the real camp owner!?Giancarlo is an escaped felon!?, Giancarlo is a bigot!?, Giancarlo commits tax fraud!?, and Mein Kampf Koral is secretly run by a satanic cult!? (ironically the only story with truth to it). Each time, he creates a bizarre distraction to get Banks away. Eventually Banks catches on and stops falling for them, but he’s unable to clean up evidence in time. But no matter what Skodwarde does, Giancarlo finds a clever way out of it, has valid plausible deniability, blames the shark mafia, claims it’s a misconstrued joke, or says it’s a camp activity, getting the campers to play along. No meth lab entrance is found, either. In the end, this only increases the camp’s reputation, infuriating Skodwarde. Sometimes there’s no such thing as bad publicity, eh? While this chaos is going on, the campers each fight each other to get the news team’s attention, all wanting to be famous. Sandy wants no part in these antics though, as she starts to do her own independent investigations to see if Giancarlo really is hiding something due to all of these recent weird happenstances. Squidward wants no part in this nonsense either and knows Skodwarde is behind these, so he tries looking for him again. Perch eventually has had enough of these false leads and blocks Skodwarde’s number, much to his dismay. Perch says on broadcast that he is not listening to anymore slanderous claims about Giancarlo and his camp. He says he’s one of the cleanest men he’s ever met and that Mein Kampf Koral is the best camp in the sea. (how he said that name with a straight face I don’t know either) The journalists all pull out of there, ready to move onto the next big story. Skodwarde is not amused, to say the least.

Squidward finds Skodwarde out in the wild and tells him to stop these stupid stunts because this shit is getting real old, mang. All he wants is some peace and quiet here, he doesn’t need his crazed god cousin fucking shit up! Skodwarde tells him that he cannot, for Giancarlo is a threat that he must get rid of. Squidward asks if he can at least wait until the end of summer to do this, but Skodwarde says time is of the essence for he knows a dark conspiracy lurks in this camp which threatens everyone. Squidward goes "whatever" to it and just begs he keeps him out of this nonsense. Skodwarde keeps spying on the camp, trying to find where the secret entrance to the meth lab could possibly be. Giancarlo and Banks are exhausted and pissed from these shenanigans. They wish Skodwarde would show himself like a man instead of pulling these childish antics. Giancarlo then calls The Elites and tells them everything that's happened. There is a pause, and then they say they've known this day was coming. They say Skodwarde's rise was prophesied long ago and their duty was to destroy him before his powers got out into the world. They explain he'll need satanic power to combat Skod’s god powers. Giancarlo asks where he can acquire these, to which The Elites reveal he needs to torture one of his relatives, in this case, Squidward Tortellini-I mean, Tentacles. They say they'll send torture equipment over asap. Giancarlo and Banks still can't believe what they've gotten themselves into and miss when they were just a secret drug empire.

Skodwarde has had enough of standing around like an idiot (and there's a standing fee), so he decides it’s time to take the kiddy show gloves off and get his tentacles dirty. Yep, we're finally transitioning into the Skod you all know and love! The powers of the camp fuel his ambition. At night, Skodwarde sneaks out onto the camp, searching around for the meth lab entrance. He then smells something amiss from the cafeteria. Jackpot. He realizes the meth lab must be under there, and the cooking is able to mask the meth scent. He must give credit where it's due for Giancarlo's genius. Skodwarde breaks into the cafeteria, making a mess in there to find the secret entrance. Suddenly, Lyle walks out of the kitchen, who was just about to head home and closing down for the night. Lyle freezes upon seeing Skodwarde, asking if he can help him with anything. No response. Skodwarde approaches him menacingly. Lyle tells Skodwarde to take it easy and that they can work this out. He holds out dollars, thinking this is a robbery, but Skodwarde swats them out of his hand. He backs Lyle into the kitchen. Skodwarde then gets an idea, realizing the one news story he hasn’t attempted that is sure to ruin any company: a gruesome murder. And he’s got the perfect pawn before him. He then looks over to the fryers, and begins to rev them up (references!!!). Lyle nervously asks what he’s doing, but Skodwade ignores him. Skodwarde then puts latex gloves over his tentacles and puts his phone off to the side, making sure it's at the right angle. Skodwarde then grabs Lyle and dunks his head into the boiling oil, as he screams in pain. The phone is recording Lyle’s gruesome death and dying screams the whole time. After the deed is done, Skodwarde uses his god powers to digitally alter the recording so it shows Giancarlo’s hands boiling Lyle. He then sends the video to the police, and smiles deviously. Checkmate.

 

One episode remains!

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Episode 6: Are You Afraid of the Skod?

The next morning, Giancarlo wakes up and then proceeds to do his morning exercises. He checks his phone and sees there’s one new message on it. He opens it, to see the recording of Skodwarde killing Lyle. He notices his hands were doctored onto it and realizes Skodwarde’s plan. Giancarlo is frozen and has no response. Jonathan Banks, Larry and Mr. Krabs then worryingly enters the cabin, telling Giancarlo they have a problem. Giancarlo holds up the phone, indicating he’s aware. The God of Supremacy Orange Cop (because I guess he’s the only law enforcement around these parts) enters the cabin, who received Skodwarde’s video. GOSOC shows his own phone with the very recording. He says that Giancarlo is under arrest without the first bit of investigation (no matter the time the police portrayal is spot on), getting out the handcuffs. Krabs is about to have a heart attack, sensing the impending lawsuits. Giancarlo tells them he knows this looks bad, but says he can prove his innocence. Giancarlo explains has a perfect alibi for the night, pointing to how he was asleep in his cabin at the time, which Krabs, Larry and Banks confirm. Giancarlo says the video has been clearly doctored and that they know who is responsible for this, explaining a criminal has been causing trouble at their camp lately. Krabs and Larry back him up, saying they've known Giancarlo to be an honest, caring man who would never do such a vile deed. GOSOC finds their explanations acceptable, but states a murder still occurred on these premises and he has to pretend to care about it. The four arrive at the scene of the crime in the kitchen, mortified. GOSOC tells them they better bring someone in soon so he can get a raise. He would call in the coroner but he's too lazy to do that, so Banks cleans up the scene without the GOSOC caring. The GOSOC then begins to patrol around the camp for any traces to the culprit, not even bothering to ask the staff for any descriptions of the culprit. Skodwarde views these events through his binoculars and laughs, knowing his plan is working. Now with GOSOC lurking around the camp, an even bigger fire is lit under Giancarlo's ass. It’s only a matter of time before the meth lab is discovered. Today is the day that Giancarlo’s empire will fall.

Giancarlo and Banks both know they have to act fast. If the GOSOC keeps snooping, he may stumble upon their meth lab. They decide now is the time to lure Skodwarde out of hiding and deal with the problem for good. Giancarlo and Banks enter the meth lab, where they see equipment from The Elites has arrived. A satanic torture chair is setup by Giancarlo's other nameless henchmen. It comes with a handy instruction guide explaining how it works, saying they need to torture Squidward enough and once they do, use that energy to slay Skodwarde. In another box are several special satanic blessed bullets (definitely not fueled by children's blood) for them to hurt Skodwarde with. Giancarlo allows his henchmen to take these and orders them to sweep the land for Skodwarde and attack him. Giancarlo then orders Banks to get Squidward. He will not take pleasure in this, but knows it must be done for the greater good. GOSOC begins questioning campers around the premises, including SpongeBob, Patrick, Sandy, Squidward, Kevin and Bubblebath on their whereabouts and what they know of this camp. Sandy tells the officer she's had suspicions Giancarlo hasn't been entirely truthful, having prepared an expose document on how sus he is, but GOSOC ignores it, saying he's been ruled out as a suspect in this crime. Sandy wonders what crime occurred and begins to investigate herself. Banks approaches Squidward, saying he needs to come with him. Squidward says he doesn't really feel like it since he still hasn't finished reading Essential Elements for Band: Bb Bass Clarinet. Banks puts a blindfold over him and drags him away. Out in the plains, Skodwarde witnesses this and is concerned, wondering what they plan to do with Squidward until it dawns on him. He is suddenly cornered by four of Giancarlo's henchmen. They fire their satanic bullets at him, one of them piercing Skodwarde's skin and irritating him. He then vaporizes one of the grunts with his god powers, while barely avoiding the satan bullets from the other three. Skodwarde kills another one and then flees into the wilderness, trying to lure the remaining two into a trap. Skodwarde jumps down from a tree and scarily asks to them: "Are you afraid of the Skod?" (ah, ah, there it is Lois!) He then uses his powers to summon a horde of sea bears, who attack the grunts, mauling them to death.

Skodwarde now has the perfect army to raid the camp with. He knows whatever he's using Squidward for will be used to defeat him, so he has to act soon. Sandy tells campers this place is not what it seems and that something seriously wrong is going on, but nobody believes her. The campers decide to head off into the wilderness for their campfire circlejerk session. They gather around and sing the campfire song song (references!). They then begin to tell their scary stories. Patrick first starts of the session with the tale of The Ugly Barnacle. Once, there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The end. Yes, once again, we love to reference episodes you'd rather be watching! The campers all give that story a big boo, because Patrick tells this same story every time they do this. Bubblebath chimes in with his story by suggesting perhaps a murder occurred on the camp, hence why the cop was here earlier. The campers call bull on this, but do note they have noticed strange things happening on the camp lately, between that, the jellyfish slaughter, the narwhals's strange product, Plankton's arrest (though nobody missed him), and the fake news stories. SpongeBob wonders if maybe Sandy is telling the truth that Giancarlo is not what he seems. The kids quickly forget this and proceed to make fun of Squidward, asking if he plans to share his story about Skodwarde again. Then they realize...Squidward's not there (dumbasses). Huh. SpongeBob asks if anyone remembers seeing Squidward recently, and nobody recalls. Poor Squidward. SpongeBob runs off to find Sandy, while the campers continue to tell their stories in blissful ignorance. SpongeBob finds Sandy in her cabin, telling her that Squidward has gone missing and he believes her now. Sandy says it's better late than never, as they begin investigating. Yes, GOSOC is also still wandering around the premises if you were wondering, examining the sand for clues. I'm sure he'll find something. Truly one of the world's greatest detectives.

Skodwarde sneaks up on a group of Giancarlo's grunts on the hunt. He snaps one's neck, as the sea bears maul the rest. He orders the sea bears to attack the camp. The bears run through the camp, mauling any of Giancarlo's soldiers to death and wrecking cabins, all while the kids are in the wilderness telling stories, unaware (how convenient). SpongeBob and Sandy are about to confront Giancarlo at his cabin, when the sea bears run through. They wreck Giancarlo's cabin to pieces, but he's not inside. SpongeBob panics, while Sandy unleashes her karate moves on one, sending the bear off (look at this forced feminism smh). Sandy and SpongeBob are surrounded by more, but Skodwarde calls them off, telling them to not hurt the kids. The sea bears obey and head for the cafeteria. SpongeBob and Sandy are confused by this, not knowing wtf they should do now. Sandy had always looked at everything rationally, but all of the nonsense here lately has made her start to question reality. They take cover in the remains of their cabin, seeing the sea bears rip through the camp. Larry and Krabs say they don't get paid enough for this, and Krabs's claws aren't meaty enough to fuck with sea bears neither, so they run off to evacuate the campers. The sea bears wreck the cafeteria to pieces, revealing the meth lab entrance. Skodwarde sends god blasts at two guards, killing them. Skodwarde approaches the cafeteria remains, when Banks gets in the way. Banks will not let Skodwarde pass, holding his gun. Skodwarde gets into position, tentacle ready on a gun he stole from a grunt. The two agree to have a western style shootout. Skodwarde and Banks draw their weapons and open fire on each other. There is a pause. Banks then falls, dead. Skodwarde makes his way through the rubble and enters the meth lab. While this is all going down, the GOSOC is still looking at the sand, oblivious to everything.

Skodwarde jumps down into the lab, looking at the blue meth around. He then sees Giancarlo torturing Squidward. Skodwarde then points his gun at Giancarlo, who then holds his box cutter knife to Squidward. The two are at an impasse. Giancarlo says he knows all about who and what he is. He also notes several powerful people want to see him taken out. Giancarlo claims he's already gotten what he wanted out of Squidward and now can dispose of him. Skodwarde says to Giancarlo that Squidward means nothing to him and killing him would do him a favor. Giancarlo is caught off guard by this, as he had thought Skodwarde had cared for him all this time. That was his error. Skodwarde then uses this window to open fire on Giancarlo. Giancarlo’s body falls to the floor, as he begins to die. Skodwarde admires Giancarlo for being a worthy opponent, but he gets the last laugh in the end. Giancarlo then begins to feel a mysterious spiritual presence going through him, perhaps as a result of the camp’s connection to god powers. Giancarlo feels as if he’s ascended and sees something. He stares at Skodwarde ominously, who looks creeped out. Giancarlo’s last words to him are: “I see your downfall. The devil, my friend, is in the details.” (foreshadowing for the last part of Skod on the Run) He then finally dies. Skodwarde shrugs this off, assuming he was just rambling nonsense in his last moments. Skodwarde then frees Squidward from the torture chair. Squidward is grateful that Skodwarde rescued him, but he’s not happy. Skodwarde knows that since an unknown enemy is aware of his weakness, he must get Squidward out of the picture permanently. Alas, his story arc must come to an abrupt end. It pains him to do this as he had a soft spot for his miserable cousin, but he must eliminate all weaknesses. Skodwarde grabs Squidward, who asks what he’s doing. Skodwarde then uses his god powers to open a portal to an unknown realm. He tosses Squidward into the scrapped dimension, never to be seen again. Goodbye, cousin. Skodwarde walks out of the destroyed cafeteria victorious, but all of the campers, Krabs and Larry look upon him, seeing him standing over Banks. Some of the kids take a good look down into the exposed meth lab, seeing Giancarlo dead too. Skodwarde knows this looks bad, as the kids begin to cry and scream. SpongeBob and Sandy gasp, realizing Squidward's story about his evil cousin was real and that he's been responsible for everything weird lately. SpongeBob says "that's Skodwarde Tentpoles!" Skodwarde facepalms and corrects him, saying "that's TESTICLES!" Skodwarde knows this childish bullshit's gotta end (the meta), so he draws on the full powers of the land's ancient god blessed properties. He snaps his tentacle, and uses his full god powers to erase everyone in the area’s memories of their time at Mein Kampf Koral. Everyone looks around confused, and Skodwarde feels delighted by this, realizing he can finally control people to his whim. So begins the rise of Skodwarde's reich. He shuts down the camp, acting as if it never existed, and makes them all go their separate ways. But he knows they all reunite again someday. When they do, Skodwarde will take the place of his fallen cousin Squidward in their lives and nobody will suspect a thing as Squidward no longer exists to this world. Delightfully devilish. 

We flash forward through time, showing what becomes of the characters in the interim while Frenchy narrates. The Elites receive word on Giancarlo's death and plot a new way to defeat Skodwarde, which will eventually lead them into contact with Poseidon. Sandy goes back to Texas, eventually becoming employed for a few chimps (who will probably get turned into NFTs at some point). Plankton eventually gets out of jail and opens up the Cum Bucket. Krabs goes off to open the Krusty Krab. Larry finds his calling at Goo Lagoon, becoming a hunk. The God of Supremacy Orange Cop continues to be an incompetent sleuth and a prick over petty misdemeanors like littering. Bubblebath continues to be a douche and starts pulling cons involving forgotten pickles on restaurants. SpongeBob and Patrick eventually meet again and become best friends. SpongeBob also adopts Gary. As for the other minor campers? Who gives a shit, I didn't even bother to give em names! Thus, the status quo is put in place for where everyone will be come Season 1 of Skodwarde. Two questions remains unanswered though. First, did this need to be in CGI at all? Probably not. :bruh: Second, did Squidward ever get to finish reading Bb Bass Clarinet in the scrapped dimension? Nope! Yep, we had to get one last bit of Squidward Abuse in to really twist the knife. 

And thus we end the tale of one of the most pointless, soulless cash grabs in SBC history. Hey, just be glad it was only 6 episodes! Still better than the real thing, yeah? Despite what he says, OMJ definitely did approve this spin-off's development, unless I was talking to an impostor. There does exist quite a few different OMJs in SpongeBob, so who the hell knows. Regardless, I will respect his wishes and promise there will be no more Skodwarde spin-offs. See ya later, Bran Flakes. What an awful cereal box. (In all seriousness though, stay tuned for the final chapter of the Skodwarde universe in Skod on the Run Part 8, coming soon!)

...

Post-Credit Scene:

Spoiler

Sometime in the distant future, Keanu Reeves arrives at the abandoned camp. He decides to take over it and turn it into something good. Welcome to Kamp Keanu. Wholesome 100.

 

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