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(credit to Local for this movie’s snazzy banner!)

June 10 officially marks Skodwarde’s 10th anniversary here on SBC, and jjs and I have decided to celebrate it with our own fucked up take on the recent movie, Sponge on the Run! (About two years is a long enough time to break our promise about how there’d be no more after the original series finale, yeah?) 

Jjs and I have both been hard at work for about half a year or so crafting a good enough story to really send our favorite squid nazi out the right way. We hope readers of the original series, and maybe even some newbies, will join us for Skodwarde’s end!

And be sure to keep a look out for all the cuh-razy foreshadowing going on, as we look to meticulously hammer home the fact that this spin-off is getting a spin-off! Just because Skodwarde’s meeting his end, doesn’t mean we can’t stop milking the vast universe he leaves behind! It’s free real estate, pal! And Puff Mama’s got bills to pay, so you know her ass will settle for anything!

Part 1 of this 10-part miniseries total immersion event will be posted just in time for The Spin-Off Festival 2021 by the one and only, jjsthekid! And remember! He’s watching.

(Couldn’t afford to make my own version, and I just have no musical talent whatsoever, so just listen to this and replace every “Band” with “Skod”)


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Here we go. Buckle up, this is going to be quite a ride.

Skod on the Run Part I: Skod Wick 2077

A dreary cyberpunk city is shown, known as Skod City, two years after the events of the Skodwarde finale. After the end of his acclaimed show, Skodwarde started to get bored, needing to continue his legacy in some way, so he began to try his hand (or tentacle, heh) at spin-offs through multiple dimensions. The first of which being Skod Wick 2077, starring Keanu Reeves himself! The spin-off is about the adventures of Keanu Reeves in a dystopian city, combining elements of Cyberpunk 2077 and John Wick together into one gift wrapped package. With star power like that, what could possibly go wrong? Unfortunately, the launch of this spin-off world did not go quite as Skodwarde had hoped due to a multitude of bugs, causing a frustrated viewer base and earning it a ton of mocking memes. Thus, he put a trusted companion in charge of the world while he was off attending other multiverse matters: an alternate version of Sandy Cheeks, created fresh from the god power lab! Alt-Sandy fixed all of the bugs, much to Skod’s pleasure, but she felt the world needed to go a step higher for evolution. She eventually started to go a bit further beyond what Skodwarde had imagined. She made the city become entirely dependable on robotics for even the most minuscule tasks, and turning most of the civilians into robots. Alt-Sandy called this her transformative procedure in order to achieve eternal life, so that she can continue to preserve her illusion that there is no afterlife and therefore nothing greater out there that’s beyond their understanding. This included deleting all traces of religion from this world, seeing the concept as “stuck in the past”. Alt-Sandy ruled Skod City with a firm, but fair, furry iron grip. She was the only one with a direct line of communication to Skodwarde. Nobody else in the city was allowed to speak to him but her. As far as most of the residents knew, Skodwarde wasn’t even a real figure and just a myth by now, showing how tentacles off he was with this world. He’s a busy god and thus he turned a blind eye to Alt-Sandy’s activities, as long as it made for compelling spin-off ratings. Alt-Sandy is shown inside of the Skod Tower, standing in the center of the city. She looks out the windows at the futuristic city below, happy the spin-off world is functioning her liking. 

In the city, the robot residents are seen living about their lives and executing their programmed functions without further thought. Robotic versions of various familiar nautical characters are seen, including Larry, Scooter, Fred, Puff Mama, Bubblebath and even JCM in a cameo. Two notable attractions include the Cyber Krab and Glitch Bucket, acting as stand ins for the classic restaurants, run by Krabtron and Planktron respectively. These tie-ins were not part of Skodwarde’s original designs, as he wanted to distance himself from the original show, but Alt-Sandy understandably still held nostalgia for the friends she lost when the prime universe was erased. Skodwarde relented and let it slide as long as it drew in fans from the original. Meanwhile, in one of the seediest parts of the city, the Wick District, a shootout is occurring between two rival gangs. Multitudes of gangs fought for control over areas in the city, most notably consisting of the following big players: the Nazi Squid Cult, the Dolphin Warriors, Skodbillies, The Long Pants Army and the Tanorexics, all robotic versions of the groups from the prime Skodwarde universe. The gangs currently fighting are the Tanorexics and Skodbillies, with casualties abound. However, in the midst of their fighting, gunshots fly from an unknown third party, confusing both gangs. Three figures step out of the shadows, revealing: Keanu Reeves, and his two partners in crime, SpongeTron and Patron! Together, the three took on dangerous assignments, many of which included disrupting the gangs’ progress. They are Keanu’s most trusted partners in the whole world. They hide behind several cyber cars, which shields them from gunshots. The Tanorexics and Skodbillies continue to shoot at each other and Keanu’s group.

“Alright gang, let’s show them what a trio of goofy goobers can do.” Keanu said, uplifting SpongeTron and Patron.

"I'm ready! Dahahaha, on your left!” SpongeTron warned to Keanu, sensing danger on his scanners. 

Keanu quickly looks over and successfully shoots at an incoming Tanorexic member nearby. SpongeTron shoots poison bubbles at the enemies with his gun.

“Say hello to my little friend!” Patron yelled.

Patron shoots explosive ice creams from his machine gun, blasting Skodbillies and Tanorexic members across the street, while others try to run. The three see one Skodbilly running away with a large stash of stolen credits, which was the real reason they came here. The three run out of hiding, while gunning down more members and trying to chase the fleeing Skodbilly. As Keanu’s group wastes more members, the Skodbillies and Tanorexics decide they’re compromised and both scram. Keanu continues his chase of the one Skodbilly. He shoots at one of their tentacles, injuring them, but this son of a bitch ain’t letting up. The Skodbilly then jumps onto a ladder, and climbs onto a roof. Keanu gives chase, as the Skodbilly jumps off the roof and landing on another. Keanu does a jump and successfully lands as well. The Skodbilly is heading for another roof, when SpongeTron and Patron activate their jets. They fly into the air and land down in front of the Skodbilly, terrifying him. He drops the stolen credits and surrenders. Keanu then knocks him out, taking the credits. The three goofy goobers give themselves pats on the back, happy at another successful mission, as their experience points go up. Keanu was special, because he was one of the few residents left in the world to not be a robot. Any holdouts were supposed to do the transformative process, but Keanu avoided it, wanting to preserve his humanity. Skodwarde had instructed Alt-Sandy to keep him as was in hopes of his star power being a hook for the spin-off. Keanu then holds out a communicator.

“It’s done.” Keanu spoke to someone on the other end.

“Good. Get back here, I have another big assignment for you.” the person on the other end responded.

The trio hears sirens wailing in the distance, so they quickly make it out of there. The three are then seen entering a warehouse near the city outskirts. Keanu places the stolen credits on a table in the middle of a dimly lit room. A chair turns around, showing their employer: robot Ian McShane, guest starring as himself. McShane starts meticulously counting every credit, making sure the exact amount is there. Keanu, SpongeTron and Patron stand patiently. McShane finishes, pleased by the results.

“Another successful job, gentlemen!” McShane said, giving them their share of credits.

Patron and SpongeTron discuss what they’ll buy with these credits, as Keanu looks at his gun, which is starting to wear out on him a little. McShane notices this and agrees it could use an upgrade.

“A little rusty. Someone get this man a damn gun!” McShane yelled, letting out a laugh.

One of McShane’s employees brings forward a selection of guns for Keanu to upgrade to, who looks them over. A certain pistol jumps out at him, and he chooses it, to which McShane says it’s a wise choice. McShane then tells them to not rest yet, as he has another assignment for them. Their next mission is to steal a valuable weapon from a Dolphin Warrior clan base, one that would make a fine addition to his collection. He provides them coordinates to the base. The three musketeers head off, but not before making a brief detour to Keanu’s apartment in the Neo District. He had to check on something, or rather, someone. Keanu enters his apartment, and in a bed, sees Gary the Snail resting. Not a robot, an actual alternate version. Gary was another one of the only specimens in this universe to be organic. Gary was a relic of a time before Alt-Sandy’s takeover, as he never went through the transformative process either. Keanu had found Gary on the streets long ago and took him as his pet, being very protective of him. He wasn’t sure what attached him about the creature, but deep down he knew it was the right thing to do to look after it. He’d never be able to imagine what would happen if he never came home to Gary one day. Gary wakes up and lets out a meow, happy to see his owner. Keanu feeds him his special snail food and gives him a good pet on the head. SpongeTron looks inside through a window at Gary curiously. He can’t help but feel the creature is familiar, yet can’t figure out why. 

The three musketeers are seen outside the Dolphin Clan base, preparing their break in. SpongeTron and Patron use their technology to scan the area for the best entry points. Several dolphin guards patrol the perimeter, as the group stealthily hides. They don’t want to deal with a horde of enemies right now, so they are looking for the safest way in. SpongeTron gives a signal and they rush through to a back entrance of the base. Keanu is on watch as SpongeTron fries open a lock, opening the door. This allows him and Patron inside, and Keanu is right behind them. Just when they think the coast is clear, a dolphin sneaks from behind and whacks Keanu in the back of the head, stunning him. He collapses to the ground, his head spinning and the world turning around him. SpongeTron and Patron look behind, wondering where Keanu is, to see the dolphin warrior and open fire at it. Upon being hit in the head, Keanu sees a flash of something unusual. He sees beyond the strings of the universe and images of Skodwarde as “the man behind the curtain”. This is his first glimpse into realizing where he truly is. The thought disappears and he looks around back to normal, but still unable to let go of what he just witnessed. 

“You okay, pal?” Patron asked Keanu, helping him up.

“Yes…I shall be fine.” Keanu replied, as the three storm the base.

Meanwhile, Alt-Sandy is checking the city systems, and suddenly notices a glitch on one of them. She decides to inspect, looking at the security footage to see Keanu on the screen. She quickly realizes what this means: a glitch in the matrix has occurred. This was not good. Alt-Sandy is then seen walking down a fancy, technological hallway and reaches a room at the end of the hallway. She enters inside and a large blank television screen hangs on the wall. Next to it are controls, which Alt-Sandy begins to adjust. The screen turns on, showing Skodwarde in an unknown location. Alt-Sandy bows before him. Skodwarde asks what she has to report, and Alt-Sandy regrettably informs him about the glitch in the matrix. Their worst fear had come true: Keanu had finally started to grow self-awareness. If this is left unchecked, it could disrupt the entire multiverse. Skodwarde respected but also feared Keanu due to his power. In fact, he was the only person he is genuinely afraid of. Keanu would not be happy if he discovered he’s been a prisoner in one of Skodwarde’s fantasies and would derail the spin-off’s story. This is serious shit. Alt-Sandy agrees, but isn’t sure what to do for once. She notes how he has a special attachment to this version of Gary, along with SpongeTron and Patron. Skodwarde smiles, hatching an idea in his pants. Skodwarde instructs Alt-Sandy to engineer SpongeTron’s own glitch in the matrix, but a different one: allowing one to directly interact with Skodwarde. Alt-Sandy understands, heading to the city server showing every robot’s profiles. She begins to tamper with SpongeTron’s.

Back at the base, Keanu, SpongeTron and Patron are fighting off the dolphin warriors, who are doing their damndest to protect the weapon. During the fighting, SpongeTron has a malfunction mid-battle, as he yells out in pain and falls to the ground. Keanu and Patron get him to cover and try to see what’s wrong with him. In SpongeTron’s own technological subconscious, he sees an image of Skodwarde talking to him. It ignites his circuits in ways he cannot describe. SpongeTron had found god. Skodwarde explains his mission to SpongeTron: he must terminate Gary, which his “sources” tell him is actually a sleeper agent out to get Keanu. He is doing this to sew chaos between the main characters viewers have come to know, and lead into a juicy, drama fueled season finale. He also orders him to leave clues making it look like Patron is the killer instead. Skodwarde is covering all of his bases with this: he’ll give Keanu an emotional arc to end the season that’ll keep his mind on this world, resulting in the death of two main characters, but also providing him “closure” to Gary’s killer so he can move on. Meanwhile, the audiences would be thrown for a season finale cliffhanger revealing SpongeTron as the true killer, which he knew would be one of the most nut busting cliffhangers in history. He could see it all transpiring, this is his perfect way to get Skod Wick on the grid. Skodwarde finishes by telling SpongeTron he will be god’s disciple, and he should be honored by this. SpongeTron then goes back to normal, readjusting to reality. Keanu and Patron both ask if SpongeTron is okay, and it takes him a few seconds to respond, but he assures he’s fine. He begins to think about Gary, but puts it aside for now as they continue fighting through the dolphins.

The group manages to retrieve the weapon and escape from the base which was rigged to explode, as they escape from the Hollywood explosion. Their experience levels go up, and they give each other jolly pats on the back to celebrate another victory. However, Keanu still has lingering feelings given his awakening earlier, and SpongeTron needs to fulfill his mission. The three decide to call it a night, and head to their respective homes. Keanu gets into his apartment, giving Gary another pet and tucking him in tight. Keanu then heads into his room and goes to sleep. Late at night, SpongeTron approaches Keanu’s apartment and hacks into the locks, allowing him inside. He stealthily walks in, seeing Gary sleeping there, all alone. SpongeTron holds out his bubble gun, aiming it right at the poor snail. Gary’s eyeballs open in fear.

“…Meow?” Gary said sadly.

SpongeTron pulls the trigger. He then holds out ammo from Patrick’s ice cream cone and places it under the bed’s blanket to throw Keanu off. SpongeTron then leaves the room, flying off into the night. The next morning, Keanu wakes up, as suspenseful music plays in the background. He walks forward and then freezes in place, upon seeing the dead body of Gary lying on the floor. He rushes toward it, checking on him. He has a variety of emotions rolling through him right now, and he is not sure how to process them. Keanu cries, holding the deceased Gary’s body. Keanu’s world is…shattered. This is not a wholesome 100. Keanu looks around in a panic, not knowing what to do. He then looks at the door, seeing the locks were sabotaged, allowing the murderer to break in. He pulls out his communicator, asking for SpongeTron and Patron to get here asap. The two arrive, and are horrified at the sight before them, but being robots, can’t express much emotion otherwise. 

“Gee, I wonder what kind of sick bastard could’ve done this?” Patron asked curiously.

“That’s what I want to know.” Keanu said, determined for vengeance.

SpongeTron suggests perhaps the Tanorexics or Skodbillies did this for payback. Keanu and Patron agree this makes sense, so they search for the Skodbillies’ base of operations for payback. After calling in a few favors, they track it down to a shitty compound in the Constantine District. The Skodbillies are inside, making cocaine and shooting their guns like maniacs. The three musketeers barge in, and it becomes a John Wick style bloodbath. Keanu angrily guns down the coked up Skodbillies in his roaring rampage, and soon, only the leader remains, who is knocked to the ground. 

“Why did you kill my best friend?” Keanu asked coldly to the leader, bewildering him.

“What the fuckin’ hell are ya talking’ abo-“ the Skodbilly leader was saying.

Keanu then shoots him in the head before he can finish his sentence. Suddenly, Keanu has another awakening, as a vision shows flashing images of Alt-Sandy, Skodwarde, and the silhouetted robotic intruder in his apartment. Keanu snaps back to reality, unsure how to process this. Patron is happy they’ve solved the mystery, but Keanu says they aren’t sure if they actually did it, which has him feeling uneasy about the massacre. SpongeTron replies that regardless, they did the world a favor. But Keanu felt…unsatisfied. After letting his anger subside, and pondering her his vision, he starts to think rationally, realizing that none of the gangs could be responsible. Not one of them even knew where he lived or who Gary is; if they wanted payback, they’d just aim for the man himself. Keanu was missing something, so after both robots head to the Cyber Krab for lunch, Keanu heads back to the scene of the crime. He then finds the evidence SpongeTron planted: Patrick’s gun ammo. Keanu drops it, stunned. There was no mistaking it. Everything made sense now. One of his closest allies had betrayed him, but why? Was Patron a double agent this whole time? Perhaps his “dumb act” really was an act. He needed to confront Patron, and hurriedly heads off to the Cyber Krab. But then, he looks at the ammo again, specifically at the fingerprints on the case, and sees a nearby scanner machine…

At the Cyber Krab, SpongeTron and Patron are enjoying Tech Patties. Robot Guy Fieri, guest starring as himself, is in the kitchen whipping up the delicious meals. After they’re done, they head out, only to see Keanu waiting for them. He tells them he found a major lead in Gary’s murder and needs to discuss with them in private. They head into a back alley, away from any prying eyes. 

“I know it was you.” Keanu said ominously, not looking at a specific robot, confusing both of them.

He holds up the ammo from Patrick’s gun, stunning both. He explains that he found this under Gary’s blanket. Patron insists it wasn’t him, at least he doesn’t think so. SpongeTron pretends to be appalled, saying he felt something was off about Patron’s functioning lately. He then holds out his bubble gun, pointing it to Patron. Patron gets scared, saying they’ve known each other for years, he would never betray their trust. SpongeTron says that sounds like what an impostor would exactly say and then shoots Patron, the bubble poison brutally eating through his body. Keanu then looks at SpongeTron, worrying him. He says the murderer is dead, but then Keanu says not quite. He reveals that he found his fingerprints on the ammo, as SpongeTron goes cold. Keanu admits he almost had him going, but didn’t cover his tracks quite good enough. He then quickly pulls out his pistol and shoots it at SpongeTron, who flies out of the way just in time. SpongeTron then tackles Keanu and begins punching him repeatedly, telling him that he was “just following the orders of my god…Skodwarde.” This takes Keanu off guard, as he realizes Skodwarde is who he saw in his visions. As SpongeTron keeps fighting him, Keanu envisions Gary meowing to him, giving him the strength to keep fighting. SpongeTron is then about to finish him with a poison bubble, but Keanu punches back and grabs the gun out of his hands, tossing it aside. Keanu then sends two pistol shots art his jet engines, disabling them. He then sends several more shots through SpongeTrons’ chest, as his robot body collapses to the ground. Keanu was judge, jury and executioner. This has broken the world of Skod Wick; Skodwarde never intended for the events to play out this way. Keanu realizes now Skodwarde is the one who corrupted SpongeTron’s programming, and thus, Gary’s true killer. Keanu has unplugged from the matrix, and is going to escape from Skod’s nuthouse, whatever it takes.

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Was supposed to post this on the exact day of Skodwarde’s 10th anniversary, but that already passed so let’s just pretend today is that day! ?


Skod on the Run Part II: Skod & Keanu’s Bogus Journey

With Keanu seemingly freed from Skodwarde’s increasingly convoluted narrative, he races to the only person who could possibly help him in his hour of need; robo Ian McShane. The two have an exchange that REALLY (I mean REALLY) carries over all the pent up sexual tension between the two from John Wick. But Keanu takes exception to that and says that their relationship is completely platonic. McShane takes note of this , highlighting how Keanu Reeves is dangerously close to un-buttplugging himself from Skodwarde’s matrix. Keanu questions how McShane could possibly know about the big nazi squid in the sky and in his wet dreams. McShane sits Keanu down on his lap and tells him everything he knows.


Meanwhile, Agent Sandy is granted emergency god powers in the form of a God Coupon (as seen in Skodwarde episode #214!), however, she tears it a new one in order to hunt down Keanu Reeves through her own devices. And back in his house of casual sex and worship, Keanu’s recent activity is seriously throwing our squid nazi off his game, only causing 500 orgy mates to climax out of a possible 150,000. Feeling genuinely unsure for the first time in his extensive lifespan, Skodwarde uses his god powers to call an emergency meeting with the only two beings in the entire Skodwarde multiverse who can even come close to him; The Flying Dutchman and Poseidon, the one true god of the ocean.


Skodwarde lays out the sitch and gives them all the deets. He reminds them that they each are three of the four pillars that keeps the Skodwarde universe above water, however, if something were to happen to even just one of them (mainly him), then the power dynamic will be broken and Skodwarde will end. Permanently! The Dutchman brings up how Skodwarde tried to replace him entirely in “Death Insurance” with a generic grim reaper character, but Skodwarde rationalizes that was “just Hayden being Hayden.” Poseidon mentions how Skodwarde has given him blue balls for years, constantly trying to push “this Neptune jerkoff TWICE” as the one true god of the seas when it was in fact he, Poseidon. Skodwarde reasons that it was because Neptune was more fuckable, and by fuckable I mean marketable. The meeting ends unproductively, with both Poseidon and the Dutchman obviously plotting their own moves to use Keanu Reeves against Skodwarde, deciding that they’d much rather see Skodwarde end rather than float around without direction and doing nothing.


Back in the C-Plot, Ian McShane tells Keanu Reeves about an elite secret society made up of people who are all keenly aware of the fact that they are just characters in some trashy ass spin-off on a SpongeBob forum. McShane says that Keanu’s best shot at ending Skodwarde is by finding this fabled group, who seem to be scattered throughout the many other spun-off worlds that Skodwarde has in the pipeline. Before they can part ways, Keanu feels a sharp pain in his gut. He has been shot by none other than robo McShane, wielding a Walther P38, signature firearm of the Nazi defense force. He heils Skodwarde.


Keanu Reeves is confused as to why the robotic Ian McShane would want to assassinate him on Skodwarde’s behalf. McShane informs him that Agent Sandy has enacted the “Hay-in-the-Needlestack” protocol, which effectively turns the entire populace of Skod City on Reeves in a joint effort to delete him from Skodwarde’s grand design. McShane, however, has even more skin in the game as he reveals himself to be none other than Fred Phelps (as seen in Season 6’s “Dear Nazis”), founding father of the Westboro Baptist Church! Phelps reveals how he founded the WBC decades ago in worship of Skodwarde Testicles, and now his years of undying devotion has led him to this life defining moment.


After some nautical nonsense involving Keanu Reeves, homophobic slur slinging and plenty of buttplugs, Keanu Reeves manages to give the entire WBC their first gay moment that they won’t soon forget in honor of Pride Month. Skodwarde leaves the church in a state of butthurt as he heads out to take the fight to Agent Sandy, herself. Keanu has much fights with the many mechanized versions of Bikini Bottom inhabitants all John Wick-style, as you would imagine. However his gunshot wound slowly takes its toll on his body. Before he can be completely overwhelmed by the robot menace, he is saved by a jolly band of pirates who are led by none other than...Painty and Patchy the Butt Pirate! This is enough to make Keanu go “Whoa.” for the very first time in this miniseries before passing the fuck out.


Keanu Reeves awakens in the captain’s quarters of Patchy’s ship, The Bird Puss. Patchy explains that he is the leader of a resistance movement against Agent Sandy and all her futuristic robot mumbo jumbo (how’s that for continuity?). He says that “Hay-in-the-Needlestack” is all the proof he needs to justify his years of opposition against the true evil of Agent Sandy’s futuristic design. Keanu tells them that the real man behind the curtain is Skodwarde. Painty relays his sad but turbulent history with Skodwarde to Keanu, claiming that Skodwarde tried to keep him silent by turning him into a painting. But Painty would eventually find a way to have his message be heard, broadcasting his rallying cry for over 200 episodes and across the span of 8 whole years. However, his call to arms was commonly mistaken for a catchy intro tune instead and somehow it stuck. Patchy regrets not having heard Painty’s true intentions sooner, admitting that he was a big reason why Skodwarde grew so much in power and influence in the first place; by being his #1 fan and constantly spreading his word to the masses through his fandom of the show. Patchy further explains that when he was forced to swallow the red pill in “[redacted] Friends”, and therefore exposing himself to the contents of Luke’s document, he became acutely aware of the reality of Skod’s true intent for the show. He and his on-again/off-again puppet pal with benefits, Potty, made a play to stop him in “It’s a Wonderful Skod!”, but Skodwarde wrote them off before they could enact their plan. This all comes off like a foreign language to Keanu but he goes along with it. Keanu Reeves and Patchy bond over their shared tragedies of losing a dear pet before Keanu asks if Patchy, Painty and their crew are the secret elite group that Fred Phelps told him about earlier. Painty informs him that everything they and their crew do is out of the shadows, even their lonely nights of gratuitous buttsex (or oral sex in Painty’s case) out at sea. Believing that to be something that would’ve best been kept secret, Keanu takes his word for it.


Their next move is to lay siege to Skod Tower and take out Agent Sandy in her Treedome at the very top. However, their plan is foiled when it’s revealed that Agent Sandy infiltrated the crew by previously “chroming” a few crew members off-screen. The chrome instantly converted them upon contact with their skin, making them open vessels for Sandy to take swift control of and repurpose them as her own. Sandy goes T2 on their candy asses, massacring and converting members of the crew as she sees fit. A distress signal is sent out to the entire ship, alerting Patchy, Painty and Keanu to the secret invasion.


Agent Sandy causes The Bird Puss to maroon itself on Bikini Atoll. This shall be the site of the pirates and robots’ final battle. Keanu Reeves and the remaining pirates charge into battle against Agent Sandy’s ever growing robot army. Keanu plows through waves of them just by himself. With the pirates scattered all throughout the island, Agent Sandy is finally able to get Keanu Reeves all to herself. She reveals that she wants to strike a deal with Keanu, claiming that she despises Skodwarde just as much as he does. She goes into detail about how they’re all just means to an end to Skod, only just bit players in the overall story that’s all about himself. She reveals that Skodwarde’s greedy ambition to get a spin-off green lit combined with the remnants of the destroyed Scrapped Dimension has given birth to the vast Skodwarde multiverse, where every and any possibility can become reality. She says that Skodwarde has been using it to shit out ways to continue on his legacy, but it can also be used to guarantee his end. Agent Sandy refuses to be the pawn of some fucked up god any longer, so she proposes that they together can harness the power of scientific reasoning to rid the universe of Skodwarde once and for all. Keanu refuses to work with someone who had his beloved pet, Gary, killed. Agent Sandy claims that Gary’s death was a means to an end, which makes her a complete hypocrite in Keanu Reeves’ eyes. She makes one more offer to have Gary cloned the way he was in exchange for Keanu’s cooperation, but Keanu Reeves has higher standards and better morals than that. With no hope for an understanding, all they can do now is kung fu fight.


They have a fist fight for the ages, which inches closer to its conclusion when Reeves places Agent Sandy in a guillotine choke. Agent Sandy laments that they possibly could’ve seen more eye to eye in another life. Without saying a word, Keanu Reeves decapitates her with force of strength. The pirates look to have the robots on the run until the robots start combining together to make a much bigger, chrome-plated mass. Patchy looks on with PTSD, knowing full well exactly what they’re seeing. 


The robots are melding together to create an artificial clusterfuck. Agent Sandy reforms herself at the base of the artificial clusterfuck’s head. She says that through the power of science and reasoning alone, she has been able to build herself an army capable of combatting Skodwarde from right under his big ass nose. The fruit of her labor comes in the form of a clusterfuck that puts the one from “It’s a Wonderful Skod!” to shame. Keanu Reeves is the only person in all of existence that she’s seen the squid nazi show fear to, so she must weaponize that fear by killing Keanu Reeves herself.


Keanu readies himself for a fight, but Patchy stops him, saying that this isn’t his battle. Patchy ushers Keanu away deep into The Bird Puss while his remaining crew distracts Agent Clusterfuck over there. He takes Keanu to a door that looks like it was ripped right out of a wall, because it was ripped right out of a wall. Patchy explains that he and his crew liberated this space and time machine from straight out of the Cyber Krab (how’s that for even more continuity? SB-129 on y’all’s asses). Keanu can use this to scour the multiverse and find Skodwarde. Patchy originally intended to use it himself, but if Skodwarde fears Keanu Reeves as much as Agent Sandy says he does, then it’s best that Keanu is the one to use of it. 


Patchy hands Painty off to Keanu as a traveling companion since it would be lonely af out there in time and space. Agent Clusterfuck tears through Patchy’s remaining forces and The Bird Puss (last time, I swear) in a mad attempt to prevent Keanu’s departure. Keanu insists on staying to finish the fight, but Patchy shoves both Reeves and Painty into the machine and shuts the door between them. Patchy passes the mantle of President of the Skodwarde Hate Club over to Keanu Reeves, telling Keanu to use it wisely from here on out. Patchy states his desire for Keanu Reeves to “redeem us” as the space and time machine disappears in a flash of bright light.


Patchy is left to deal with Agent Clusterfuck alone. He wields three cutlasses at once and readies his hand cannons. Patchy’s more than prepared this time. With one final “POTTYYYYYYYYYY!!!!” he leaps at the chrome beast.


Skodwarde soon catches wind of Agent Sandy’s failure and ultimate defeat at the hook hands of the pirates. He also senses that Keanu Reeves was in fact able to escape the matrix. With nothing else to invest in in that spin-off, Skodwarde uses his god powers to completely write Skod Wick off right in the middle of the pirates’ celebration. With Keanu Reeves officially on the move, Skodwarde now finds himself officially on the run. He unsurely jizzes himself in excitement.

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Skod on the Run Part III: Keanu Reeves vs. the Multiverse

The space time machine is seen blasting through an inter-dimensional, psychedelic highway, reminiscent of the time travel from Skod Out of Water. Painty tells Keanu he better strap his butt in and fasten his seatbelt tight matey, because they’re gonna be in for a bumpy ride. Keanu takes heed to his advice and sits down on a chair, fastening his seatbelt on tight. Painty explains they're going on a celebrity manhunt for members of an organization known as "The Elites" scattered across Skod's twisted multiverse, the key to defeating him. Patchy and him were originally going to gather them up together using the machine, but his death means Keanu is now his partner in crime for the mission. Keanu asks who the next celebrity they'll find is, and Painty says they’re not in a particular order so he doesn’t know for certain, but says he’ll recognize them when he sees them. A bright light begins to reflect into the room from outside, indicating they are about to reach their destination. The space time machine then flashes again, appearing in the same desert from Pizza Delivery (as seen in Skodwarde episode 5a!). The sand tornado from said episode spins around in the distance, heading for the two. They try their damndest to run away, but they are no match, as the tornado sucks them up along with the machine. The tornado then shoots them out out, blasting off.

They land right on the border Bikini Bottom, the machine still in tact. They get up and look at the city in all of its nostalgic glory once more! But something feels…different about it. The two can’t quite figure it out, but even Painty knows this is not the Bikini Bottom he’s introduced many times. The two decide to investigate around town to see what’s amiss. They see some familiar characters in cameos: Scooter, Fred, JCM, Bubblebath, Hunka Hunka Larry, Dougie Williams, Skolliam, Puff Mama, and moar. In typical Skodwarde naughtiness, they’re all smoking pot and making several sexual innuendos. Everything seems to be in order, so they decide to head to Conch Street next. As the street comes into view, something catches them by surprise: SpongeBob’s pineapple and Patrick’s rock are not there, just Skodwarde’s house. They now realize where they are are: Dimension 420, a world where SpongeBob and Patrick never moved to Bikini Bottom, and thus, Skodwarde lived out his life in pure bliss. A true paradise. He does not work at the Krusty Krab either in this timeline, which has Skolliam as the cashier and Scooter as the fry cook. Keanu asks what they should do now, and Painty says to check on this universe’s Skodwarde. Keanu is a bit petrified at the thought of finally meeting this infamous god face to face, especially since he is the one who had Gary killed. Painty tells him this is an alternate version but that doesn’t ease Keanu’s thoughts much. The two carefully tiptoe to Skodwarde’s house. They see a tie on the doorknob, with a “Do not disturb” sign plastered on the door in eye bleeding red text. Needless to say, the message is quite clear. But Keanu and Painty aren’t going to respect Skodwarde’s privacy, so Keanu kicks down the door, as the two enter inside. 

They find his living room dark and empty, much like Skodwarde’s heart. Jokes aside, the two look around carefully, wondering if he’s playing a mind game on them. They see several bongs on a table. Normal. But then they see several peace posters and other hippie wumbo jumbo scattered about. Not normal. No Nazi related imagery, either. Even more not normal. Then they hear pleasurable noises coming from upstairs, along with the sounds of running water. The two carefully tiptoe upstairs, making their way outside of Skodwarde’s bathroom. They hear Skodwarde singing to himself inside, and marijuana smoke also blows out from under the door. Keanu holds his gun close by just in case. The two open the door to see a hippie version of Skodwarde sitting in the relaxing tub, smoking a bong.

“Come on in boys…the water’s fine.” Hippie Skodwarde said in a chill fashion to them, having the biggest smile on his face, and not caring two strangers just broke into his house.

Painty is also surprised to see a Skodwarde this kind and relaxed. Hippie Skodwarde offers the two fresh blunts, but Keanu politely declines. Painty can’t resist the temptation though and smokes one. Paintings need that good old kush too. Keanu looks uneasily at Hippie Skodwarde, with his mind telling him to kill this version for payback. He mulls over that thought for a few seconds, placing his hand on his gun, but then rescinds it and stops. As Painty said, this is not the Skodwarde he seeks. Hippie Skodwarde asks what the two travelers are seeking, to which Painty replies they're looking for someone very special. Hippie Skodwarde wishes them best of luck on their future endeavors, and continues hitting up that sweet old mary jane. Keanu and Painty awkwardly leave the room, and get back to work looking for their celebrity. 

Meanwhile, the prime Skodwarde senses a disturbance from Dimension 420. Ah, Dimension 420…good times. He quaintly reminisces over a time him and his hippie alter ego hit up some of the best drugs in the sea together. He checks on one of his security portals, showing Keanu and Painty there. He is curious as to what he'd gain from such a lowkey dimension. Unless, perhaps, they ended up in the wrong dimension. Skodwarde smiles at this thought and hatches an idea in his pants. He decides, in classic Skodwarde fashion, to add a bit of chaos to this dimension in hopes of stopping them dead in their tracks. In Dimension 420, several towns away from Bikini Bottom, SpongeBob and Patrick are then shown in front of a live studio audience filming. In this dimension, Patrick has been busy in his own sitcom spin-off called The Patrick Star Show, featuring SpongeBob as a secondary character. In this whacky spin-off, Patrick hosts a talk show with his new family, much to the outrage of fans for retconning Patrick’s parents (which may or may not be more impostors…). But nobody really gave a shit, as the show became a success regardless. While in the middle of filming the newest episode, Patrick begins to act odd. Skodwarde peers into his mind from beyond just as he did to SpongeTron. Skodwarde says a spell to him that will awaken the beast within. On set, Patrick begins to transform into Pathulu, shooting out tentacles from his mouth. He has returned once more, and SpongeBob looks confused, not remembering this in the script. He devours all of the live studio audience’s souls on the spot, alongside the producers and SpongeBob’s, giving him a powerful energy boost. Pathulu then looks at his family, the only remaining witnesses, and decides he has a use for them. He uses his dark powers to transform them into their own sea Lovecraftian monsters. Pathulu and his monster family escape from the studio to unleash their chaos throughout this dimension. Pathulu then receives another message from Skodwarde, telling him to “Kill Keanu Reeves.” He has a new mission.

Meanwhile meanwhile, a montage shows Keanu and Painty scouring every nook and cranny for the next Elites member, to no avail. Painty says he thinks the machine may have taken them to the wrong location, as there’s no sign of a celebrity in this dimension. Painty tells Keanu that it’s best they know when to fold ‘em and try another dimension. He explains they don’t have much time and that Skodwarde’s forces will be on them soon. Keanu agrees, as they quickly head back for the space time machine on the edge of town. As they reach for it, suddenly, the skies above them turn dark. They see smoke rising from downtown, as Pathulu wreaks havoc and makes his way for the two. Pathulu appears before them and shoots dark blasts, as the two just barely get out of the way in time. Keanu asks what the hell that beast is. Painty explains it’s a revived Pathulu, one of Skodwarde’s recurring meme characters, and he looks more powerful than ever. They continue to run for the space time machine, but Pathulu shoots his mouth tentacles at the two, with one grabbing onto Painty. Pathulu begins to drag him off, to have his soul devoured, but Keanu quickly holds out one of his guns from Skod Wick and shoots it at the tentacle, cutting it off. Pathulu roars in anger and begins to regenerate the tentacle. This gives Painty enough time to escape, who is forever in Keanu's debt after this kind deed. Keanu and Painty make it into the space time machine. Just before it warps out of there, Pathulu shoots one of his tentacles, clinging on just in time. He is teleported away with the space time machine, unseen by Keanu and Painty.

The space time machine takes another trip down the inter-dimensional, psychedelic highway, which looks even trippier to Painty due to him still feeling high. The bright light flashes again, and they arrive at their new dimension. They step out to find themselves in Rock Bottom (as seen in Skodwarde episode 17b!). Keanu curiously looks around at the bizarrely dark setting. The space time machine wound up right next to the vending machine. Painty says he’s hungry and could sure use a snack, to which Keanu questions how he can eat. Painty then asks him why he didn’t question how a painting smoked, which Keanu can’t argue with. Keanu realizes he doesn’t have any valid currency for here, but Painty tells him not to worry and inserts his own dollar. He presses a button wanting a Kelp Nougat Crunch, which starts to slowly come out, but then gets jammed. Keanu then gives the vending machine a good kick, making the bar finally drop. Painty thanks Keanu again, saying he now owes him two favors. Painty takes a good bite and says he feels this dimension is the one, he senses the next celebrity is indeed here. Keanu says he better be right, when suddenly, a bus pulls up, and then quickly leaves. Keanu remarks that was weird, and begin their search.

They see the red angler fish walk by, and Keanu tries to ask him for directions. The angler fish responds by doing raspberries, confusing Keanu. Painty tells Keanu the natives here don’t speak English, as the angler fish keeps walking on. They see the bus station nearby and decide to head for that. Suddenly, next to the bathrooms, a shady figure is seen leaning against one, reading the newspaper. Painty says he recognizes that fellow, so they approach. They’ve found their next celebrity: Steven Ogg (guest starring as himself)! Painty says he recognizes that lad from Grand Theft Auto V, realizing Rock Bottom is the perfect place for Trevor, and he is also a part of The Elites. Steven Ogg asks what they want, to which Painty reveals he’s a member of the guild and that “it’s time.” Steven Ogg immediately knows what that means, and says it’s been long enough, because living in Rock Bottom has not been as fun as he hoped. He then looks at Keanu and is weary about working with him, saying he's unsure if he trusts him. Keanu then flashes his "President of the Skodwarde Hate Club" card to convince him they're on the same side. Ogg accepts this for now, but still keeps a sharp eye on Keanu, for both suspicion and potential sexual tension, who knows. The three head for the space time machine, where Pathulu is eagerly awaiting to strike. Suddenly, an unholy screech is heard, terrifying the civilians of Rock Bottom, who begin to scream and run around in circles. Keanu asks what’s going on, and Ogg explains that it’s a monster that occasionally comes out of hiding to terrorize the Rock Bottom civilians, then goes to wait for the bus that never comes. The creature reveals itself to be a familiar meme version of SpongeBob. Painty now unfortunately realizes what dimension this is: Dimension 17, an alternate universe where SpongeBob never escaped Rock Bottom. He eventually transformed into the horrific creature they see before them: Spengbab. 

Ogg sadistically suggests they could brutally torture Spengbab to reveal where Skodwarde is, but Keanu politely tells him they’re not gonna do that. Spengbab pounds its chest and growls incoherently, as he pounds on the bus station. Suddenly, he receives the same awakening that Pathulu had, and is told by Skodwarde from beyond to “Kill Keanu Reeves.” Spengbab turns his attention to the threesome nearby, and has his new purpose. Ogg asks what they did to piss him off, and Keanu speculates Skodwarde is making it hunt them down, to which Painty replies he was going to exposition that, but yes, it’s true! Spengbab jumps into the air and lands in front of them, swinging his hands. Keanu unleashes his kung fu moves at Spengbab, but they barely hurt him thanks to his rage. Keanu then tries to shoot him, but Spengbab moves too fast, as he misses. Ogg says he’ll show them how to do it, so he pulls out his own pistol and shoots at the beast, wounding it for a bit. Painty says he can’t tell the difference between Trevor and Ogg at this point, who tells him to shut up and thank him. They get closer to the space time machine, when Pathulu emerges, shooting a dark energy blast their way. They barely dodge, but the blast incinerates the poor red angler fish nearby (RIP). Keanu asks how the hell he followed them, and Painty theorizes he must have attached himself to the machine before they teleported. Ogg says he’s really glad he’s getting out of Rock Bottom now, since things are getting a lil too weird for him around here. Spengbab gets over its injury and sees Pathulu, the two knowing they must work together. Now both Spengbab and Pathulu are attacking them.

Ogg nearly gets grabbed by one of Pathulu’s tentacles but manages to free himself, right before Spengbab lunges at him. Keanu pushes Ogg out of the way just in time, as Spengbab goes flying at Pathulu, landing on top of each other. Using this distraction, Keanu, Painty and Ogg manage to make it into the space time machine, shutting the door. Ogg tells them there’s a reported Skodwarde stronghold that’d be perfect for them to visit next, so he inputs coordinates for a new dimension. Painty and Keanu both say they wish they knew how to do that earlier awkwardly. They floor it and the machine teleports away just in the nick of time. Pathulu and Spengbab both land where the machine once was, disappointed. However, Skodwarde is not disappointed with their performance, who had been watching. He could use minions to deal with his current problem since Dutchy and Poseidon bailed on him, so he opens a portal where they’re at, allowing them to enter his domain. However, Skodwarde can’t quite figure out why they needed Steven Ogg of all people, and this concerns him. He can’t even unsurely jizz himself now, that’s how serious this is.

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Sorry for the wait!


Skod on the Run Part IV: SQodwarde


We return to see Skodwarde 420 passing the dutchie on the left hand side in his home of Dimension 420. However, he soon realizes that there’s no one in the house to pass it to, so just who did he pass the dutchie to? He turns almost an exact copy of himself, an exact copy who he imagines looks hot in his unmentionables. Thinking this is just a bad trip, Skodwarde 420 laughs it off. He loses his ability to laugh when the copy uses his god powers to forcibly remove Skodwarde 420’s laugh box and then proceeds to shove it up his own ass. The copy’s god power appears to increase upon insertion as Skod 420 slowly dies on the floor. 420 asks just who this exact copy is, to which the exact copy responds


“I’m you, but better.”


Dimension 420 is then completely wiped off the face of the multiverse.


Elsewhere in the Skodwarde Multiverse, Keanu Reeves, Painty and Steven Ogg arrive at their desired destination; a somewhat old western town located somewhere on the outskirts of the entire multiverse, seemingly untouched by Skodwarde’s influence. Steven tells them that the group they’re looking for is based in a saloon right over there. Painty sheds a painted tear, knowing he’s finally accomplished the mission that he and Patchy worked so long and so hard to accomplish, just like his painted dick right now. Keanu Reeves is still rather wary though and keeps his guard up.


They enter the nearby saloon to find that is occupied by the likes of *carefully reads down the list of the Truth or Square cast on the SB Wiki* Ricky Gervais, Rosario Dawson, Eddie Deezen, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, the Taco Bell Chihuahua, Johnny Depp, Cap’n Crunch, LeBron James, Tina Fey, Tina Turner, Will Ferrell, Craig Ferguson, Popeye, The Guy on the Penny, Queen Elizabeth II, P!nk, P!nk’s band, Bruce Willis and Gwyneth Paltrow. But the name the jumps out Keanu Reeves the most is Ian McShane, who jumps out and scares Keanu with some surprise buttsex, saying that was to get Keanu back for their last encounter.


Keanu is shocked, thinking he had put a phallic object firmly up Ian’s ass, and that he was Fred Phelps! McShane explains that was simply just a cover identity necessary to perform some triple agenting. Fred Phelps was just a role he had to play in order to get closer to Skodwarde, the one that Keanu is after. But with Skod Wick’s demise personally at Skodwarde’s hand, he had to abandon the character or else raise suspicion. Keanu can’t help but go “whoa” as he struggles to take all of this information in. Steven Ogg pushes by Keanu and leans in to kiss Ian, making very little effort to hide his obvious jealousy.


Ian introduces Steven Ogg as his latest lover in a vain attempt to make Keanu Reeves jealous. Painty cuts the sexual tension by asking Ian if he’s the one in charge here, but Ian claims that he is not. Suddenly, the man in charge makes his demonic presence known, and it is none other than Danny Trejo! BECAUSE HE’S IN EVERY MOVIE!!!


Danny Trejo demands to know who these outsiders are. Painty introduces himself as the intro guy, the one who’s been blowing the whistle on Skodwarde’s grand illusion since the very beginning. Painty introduces Keanu Reeves as the newest president of the Skodwarde Hate Club. Keanu flashes the presidential ID card he received from Patchy as proof. Danny Trejo destroys the card with his rather satanic pew pew eye lazors and sends Keanu flying over the bar of the saloon. We have a bar fight on our hands boys, so buckle those belts tight.


After some nautical nonsense involving celebrity guest stars, a pencil, and the swift removal of life with said pencil, Keanu Reeves dispatches all of the celebrity guests with relative ease. All that leaves now is Danny Trejo, who welcomes the worthy challenge. Before they can engage in mortal combat, they’re broken up by Snoop Dogg, who is raging because the noise they’re all making seriously fucked his game up during his Twitch stream. He demands to know what fuck y’all doin here, to which Painty replies “to Be The Elite”. Snoop says that they don’t just let anyone join The Elite, but Painty reminds them all that Snoop whores himself out at every opportunity he gets. Snoop can’t argue with that, so he agrees to let Painty and Keanu Reeves join their ranks. However, they must prove their worth to the group by taking out a huge problem before they letting them in on the secrets of their secret society. And seeing how well Keanu handled himself just now, he might just be the man to get the job done.


Steven Ogg voices his doubts about Keanu, admitting that he himself wasn’t even able to take out “The President”. Ian McShane, however, vouches for Keanu, saying that he’s a man that is capable of taking out just about anyone, maybe even God himself. Snoop Dogg is too high to listen to this bullshit and just tells them to get the fuck on. Steven Ogg, however, opts to stay behind to spoil Ian while Keanu’s gone, but Keanu once again doesn’t take the bait. Danny Trejo decides to tag along in Steven’s place, wanting to keep close tabs on this Keanu Reeves character.


Taking off in their Space-Time Machine, Painty takes the time to go over their mission specs. He’s shocked to see who their target is, being none other than Donald Trump in the spray tanned flesh. Danny Trejo tells them how Trump was once a member of The Elite, having previously been sent to acquire the rights to Skodwarde in hopes of gaining control over the squid nazi god. However, Trump went mad with power and eventually cut The Elite off entirely. In the main continuity, the Skod Crew was able to win the rights back, but with the multiverse now in play, a separate spun-off universe has emerged in which the Skod Crew failed and Trump has since used his connection to Skodwarde to become the President For Life of that universe. Essentially becoming a Far Cry villain. Trump has also rallied up a group of his own to foil The Elite at every chance he gets, a group that has come to be known as QAnon. Trump and the QAnon followers all take their orders directly from a mysterious figure known only as “Q”. The Elite have reason to believe that this “Q” character could very well be that universe’s version of Skodwarde, so they want to be able to take out three birds with one stone. That one stone being Keanu Reeves. Trejo admits that he also has been unable to take Trump out despite all the hellfire currently flowing through him, putting over Trump’s threat even more.


They finally arrive in the “Sold Out” universe, where Donald Trump succeeds in securing the rights to Skodwarde all the way back in Season 4. They’re immediately greeted with anti-Elite sentiment, included some especially sharp barbs pointed directly at Tom Hanks for some reason. Danny Trejo reiterates to Keanu and Painty that these people have it all wrong about his group. The Elite definitely do not traffic and kill children in order to gain dark, satanic powers by having orgies in their spilled blood. Danny Trejo then proceeds to wipe out all the surrounding QAnon followers with his devil powers.


This act of Satan is enough to attract the attention of none other than President For Life, Donald Trump, who sends alt-right versions of the defeated Skod Crew over as his secret service in order to pick the three up for a presidential banquet in their dishonor. Ushered all the way to the Whiter House, they are welcomed with closed, tiny fists by the President For Life. Trump says that Q told him to throw this banquet for them, hoping that doing so will help Q come to a business arrangement with The Elite so that they can all finally put this bad children blood behind them.  Oops. That one slipped.


Danny Trejo wants to cut through the bullshit and get straight to the part where they assassinate his orange ass. Danny Trejo rains hellfire on Trump with some more of his devilish eye lazors, but Trump comes out of it completely unscathed. Q wishes that it didn’t have to come to this. Trump uses the power invested in him by Skod Almighty to smite Danny Trejo where he stood, snidely calling him a textbook example of a “bad hombre”. Seeing Trump’s skodly power in action for himself, this is pretty much the closest Keanu has ever been to the squid nazi. Not wanting to blow this chance at testing Skod’s power for himself, Keanu immediately blows it by slipping and knocking himself out on the ground.


When Keanu Reeves comes to, he finds himself strapped in an ambulance of some sort. He asks what happened and Painty informs him that Trump used his god powers to make Keanu slip on an ice cube. They’re currently being transported to a place known only as “Weenie Parler Jr’s”- oh wait, that got shut down. Make that “Super Weenie Parler Jr’s” instead, for immediate “revisionist re-education”.  Donald Trump says that Q sees potential in Keanu Reeves as a soldier for his cause. Keanu bluntly refuses to follow the squid nazi who killed his beloved pet, Gary.


The Donald laughs at the insinuation that Skodwarde is the method behind his madness. Donald confirms that holding the rights to Skodwarde does indeed give him access to the vast god power that comes with it, but Skod’s certainly in no position to be pulling the strings in this universe. The President is aware of Keanu Reeves’ vendetta against Skodwarde, and he claims that he can get Keanu closer to the Skod he’s after more than The Elite ever could. All Keanu has to do is pledge his life and loyalty to Q’s gospel.


Keanu firmly stands his ground and refuses The President’s offer. Not one to take “No” for an answer, Donald Trump uses his god powers to convince Reeves otherwise, but his god powers now seemingly have no affect on him. Keanu wills himself to break free from his bonds takes the fight back to Trump. Their scuffle causes their armored transport to crash and burn. Keanu continues beating Trump out of the rubble. Before he can strike the final blow, a voice suddenly calls out to him, telling him to stop. Keanu realizes that the voice belongs to none other than Q.


Painty, having placed his full trust in The Elite, can’t hear Q and thus he thinks Keanu Reeves is just going batshit crazy. QAnon followers, am I right? Q finally shows himself to Keanu, revealing that he is in fact...Q from Season 2 of “SBC Parallel Universe”!?!




Q reveals that when the Skodwarde Multiverse was spawned, it opened the door for endless possibilities, including a possible crossover with jjsthekid’s “SBC Parallel Universe”. I mean, Skodwarde crossed over with Storm Racers that one time, so ya never know. And SBC*holds nose*PU already has a tailor-made plot to tie it in seamlessly. I mean, “Parallel Universe”. Anyway, Q still feels butthurt by how his character arc wrapped up in SBC*holds nose*PU, having had his contributions to the story completely glossed over by pro-SBC propaganda. This revisionist history somehow motivated him to oppose the SBC establishment and let his truth be heard. And somehow that miraculously snowballed into the wider QAnon Movement we all know and loathe after he effortlessly recruited the president and his followers to his cause by whispering sweet nothings into their ears. Q thought having god on his side would be enough to have his truth heard, but what he really needed all along was man power, the mana, provided only by the great Hawaiian actor Keanu Reeves. Yeah, this miniseries is getting weird, man.


Q repeats Trump’s offer for an alliance that would be mutually beneficial but Keanu Reeves simply shoots Q square in the head, saying that he doesn’t even know who Q is supposed to even be even after all that exposition. Trump comes to and sees what Keanu has done to his meal ticket. The President musters all the god power in his being to strike Keanu Reeves down, but is ultimately stopped thanks to the timely arrival of the Skodwarde copy from the beginning of the episode. This Skodwarde forcefully strips Trump of his Skodwarde rights and finishes him off with an Ultima, the hallmark of all true Skodwardes.


This Skodwarde assimilates the rights into his being, seemingly becoming even stronger than he just was. He gains a robe and fully formed monobrow with this latest Dragon Ball-styled god power boost.


Painty: Skolliam?! Arrr!


But Keanu can only see a mere Skodwarde in his sights so he empties his entire clip on him, to little to no affect. “Skolliam” only stares at Reeves, looking very sure about what he’s about to do next. “Skolliam” uses his god powers to send yet another universe into oblivion and dips. Much too far away from their Space-Time Machine, Keanu Reeves and Painty can only brace themselves for the worst as the “Sold Out” universe is taken out of continuity.

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Skod on the Run Part V: The Cutting Room Floor

Skolliam vaporizes the Sold Out dimension right there on the spot, taking Keanu and Painty along with it. No dragging, no fucking around, he just kills them right then and there. Holy shit. But there’s still three parts left of this film, so you know that can’t be it. 

Keanu and Painty wake up in an unfamiliar area, perfectly alive. A powerful glow surrounds the two. Keanu’s newfound immunity to god powers saved both from Skolliam’s fatal blow. They look around at their surroundings. It’s dark, and they can’t quite make out where they are, but they see a weird, faint blur in the distance, showing super bright and colorful animation. They realize this can mean only one thing: They’re in SpongeBob Season 12. The two have entered an alternate timeline, Dimension 0, where the Skod writers got off their lazy asses and actually parodied Season 12. Essentially another scrapped dimension for people who wanted more of post-sequel Skodified. As a result, Season 11 in this timeline played out much differently, with the Skolliam war arc not existing and the whole season actually getting Skodified. Jjs and OMJ continued to both serve as showrunners now. SOF stayed on the writing staff, and joining her were several fresh new writers, including: Wintermelon, Salmon, RDSP, and Slug, who the old crew gave more of a say in mapping out this new era. They felt it best to hire younger members who are more passionate about post-sequel to do their parodies justice, which Jjs and OMJ both called in an interview “the best spin-off decision they’ve made in years.” Cha, Steel, JCM, Clappy, CDCB and Nuggets occasionally returned for several special guest writes. Hayden was let go due to several, ahem, “creative differences.” The show started to embrace continuity and callbacks to its past more than it ever had before, particularly the pre-movie era, which some viewed as “lazy fan pandering” at first, but upon seeing the crew’s execution, they warmed up to it. Several recording storylines began to take form this season, which were handled much more cohesively than previous attempts. One of these would be the continued rivalry of the rising Dickelodeon cartoon The Lewd House, tying back to a story thread first set up in Gimmick Madness (as seen in Skodwarde episode 207a!). Several other cosmetic changes included less Krusty Krab and Plankton episodes and unique experiments focusing on minor characters. Scott also lived and was actually given more to do as a character. The show attracted many new fans and the show reached another peak of popularity. Skodwarde had entered another new glorious era with another new generation of writers taking the torch from his tentacle. It’s a truly perfect fantasy of a season, which is exactly sadly why it’s not reality. 

As Jjs’s exposition plays over them, Keanu asks Painty how the hell and they ended up here and who “Skolliam" is. Painty suggest Keanu’s newfound god power immunity must have prevented them from dying and taken them to the next available dimension. He then explains Skolliam was a rival of Skodwarde’s, and that he was basically “him, but better in bed.” He is unsure as to how that Skodwarde turned into him however. They begin to feel the brightness closing in around them, realizing they’re going to be taken into the season. Keanu asks how they’ll escape without the space time machine. Painty tells him they will need to be calm and ride the dimension out. Painty is going to be stuck in his role of introducing every episode, but promises he’ll regroup with Keanu at the end of the season. The two are teleported away, as Skodwarde Season 12’s events begin to play out, but now with Keanu’s presence. Keanu has now taken JCM’s place of being a recurring cameo character.

“Are ya ready kids!? OOOOHHHH!” Painty yelled to the viewers, as the Skodwarde theme song plays. 

Obviously we can’t show single episode from this dimension or this movie would be longer than Return of the King extended edition (unless… #releasetheomjjscut?), so let’s breeze through several noteworthy episodes, speedrun style.

FarmerSkod: One day, in the Season 12 premiere, Skodwarde decides to become a marijuana farmer, dubbing his farm “Tegridy Farms.” Skodwarde employs members of his Nazi Squid Cult to work on the farm. Keanu makes his first appearance of the season as Skodwarde’s first Krustomer. Keanu approaches the weed stand with a sense of dread and uneasiness, but realizes this Skodwarde is once again not the true one and only a clone in his place. Keanu tries the weed and says “I like it”, giving Skod’s weed the legendary Wholesome Keanu Reeves Seal of Approval. Skodwarde’s sales go up when people learn the weed is Keanu Reeves approved, earning the farm tons of Wholesome 100 awards and Reddit karma, turning Skodwarde into a farmer of two fields now. (*drum snare*) Skolliam gets wind of this and decides to open his own marijuana farm, known as “Integrity Farms”, ensuing another cock contest between the two gods. Skolliam employs SpongeBob and Patrick as his slaves, which goes as well as you expect. Skolliam’s farm falls apart, while Tegridy Farms continues to stay throughout the season. After his glorious cameo, Keanu is warped out of the episode and sent forward in time to his next available appearance. This is gonna be a ride.

The Redpilling: One day, Patrick ends up joining a secret special club in Bikini Bottom known as “The Fandom Menace”, consisting of several anti-SJW grifter YouTubers, Jeremy from Geeks + Gamers, and various incels. Their leader is TheQuartering, definitely not guest starring as himself. SpongeBob tries to get Patrick out of the cult, but soon, he is roped into it too. The two become corrupted by the red pill and turn into another pair of anti-SJW YouTubers. They start to red pill the rest of Bikini Bottom, with their biggest claim to fame being a 5 hour video on why The Last Of Us 2 is shit and SJW propaganda. Keanu blips back into existence for his cameo, but is immune to the red pill effects. Skodwarde is not amused by this, which may seem shocking given he is the show’s literal Nazi, but only he is allowed to brainwash people into a cult! He joins forces with Sandy to help blue pill SpongeBob and Patrick and wipe out the cult. Several members get away and vow revenge, setting up one of the era’s new story arcs.

The Ballad of Filthy Muk: One day, Patrick is upset to learn that Muk is not obtainable in Pokemon Sword and Shield. While dumpster diving, he then finds a strange sludge creature which resembles Muk and decides to make him his new best friend. Nautical nonsense ensues, with the Bottomites wanting Muk driven out of town. The cast then all come to an odd realization at the end of the episode: Patrick doesn’t even play Pokemon. In fact, he doesn’t even know what the hell Muk is. This has been…The Vibrator Zone. *ominous music plays* (callback to a gag first done in the Skodified version of No Pictures Please)

Gary’s Got Jeans: One day, Gary decides he needs to grow up and get his own pair of jeans. Gary then makes a deal with Skodwarde to give him legs so he can actually wear said jeans. Gary goes through a tremendous character arc in this episode that sticks with the rest of the season, much to the fandom’s surprise. Keanu makes a cameo at the clothes store, where he sees Gary with SpongeBob. This makes him freeze up, unsure what to say. He looks at Gary, the two having a tender moment, even though Gary does not recognize him in this dimension. He realizes how happy Gary is with SpongeBob, his true owner, and it warms his heart to see another Gary is living a happy life. With this, Keanu makes peace with his death and ascends to his next cameo.

Swamp Lovers: One day, the team learns Lewd House’s ratings are threatening Skodwarde again, so they decide to do a unique experiment: Patrick and Bubblebath get lost in Shrek’s swamp together and form a tenderly bond. Perhaps…something even more. 😳 Seriously, are these guys in love? In a shocking move to the fandom, this episode canonized the ship of Patrick and Bubblebath. Much of the Skodwarde community was divided by this decision; some praised it, others felt it was too rushed without build-up, Bubblebath is a toxic influence on Patrick, or just wanted PatBob canon. This especially infuriates The Fandom Menace, who return to put a stop to this forced agenda. The power of gayness is able to ward them off, as Patrick and Bubblebath escape the swamp, hand in hand. 

Skod’s on a Bus: One day, Skodwarde gets tickets to a Lonely Island concert and winds up getting stuck on a bus in a foursome with SpongeBob, Patrick and Scott. The episode then pretty much devolves into a Season 6 esque episode but with decent animation. Keanu makes a cameo as a passenger, looking on at the whacky hijinks in fascination and disgust. Take a good hard look at the motherfucking bus!

Karen’s Babby: One day, when the Lewd House threatens ratings yet again, the team realizes they need a big status quo shake-up with Plankton and Karen’s relationship. Plankton realizes Karen is pregnant as a result of the events that occurred in the acclaimed Season 11 classic “Karen’s STD.” Karen gives birth to a calculator known as Chip. Plankton becomes a deadbeat dad, leading to Karen bitching again. It gets to the point where Plankton questions if he’s actually Chip’s father or not, but learns he is after a deep and tight “analysis" with Karen where they reconcile. He also finds and reconciles with Chip, who has grown up so fast before their eyes into his own robot, ready to leave the nest. Plankton and Karen let out several tears, wishing him best of luck in his future endeavors. He may or may not be seen again after this episode. Probably will be another (Cum) Spot scenario where he gets remembered once a season. And who says Skodwarde ain’t afraid to break the status quo!?

BadSkod CoolTesticles: One day, Skodwarde gets really sick of the ugly ass gap in SpongeBob’s teeth and decides to finally fix it, but with a twist: using it as a chance to crossover with OMJ’s old spin-off, BadBob CoolPants! Yep, even in this era we couldn’t avoid another shameless crossover. Skodwarde gives SpongeBob’s teeth such a godly fix that it transforms him into the persona of BadBob CoolPants, much to Skodwarde’s pleasure. Skodwarde takes BadBob under his wing as his new apprentice, fucking around with residents and giving him an all access pass to the Blow Your Load Lounge, a jizz club. Keanu makes a cameo as the bouncer at said club.

How Dirty Bubble Got His Groove Back: One day, Dirty Bubble leaves prison a rehabilitated member of society, now going by the moniker of the Woke Bubble. However, The Fandom Menace are not happy at this change in characterization, feeling the Skodwarde team is turning its villains into soy boys. Woke Bubble gets a job at the Krusty Krab, trying his best to stay clean. Unfortunately, after much nautical nonsense involving eating dirt, The Fandom Menace are able to redpill him back into the Dirty Bubble after he is subject to multiple video essays about the Krusty Krab’s horrific working conditions and woke propaganda. Keanu makes a cameo as a Krustomer.

SpongeBob in LSD Land: One day, in a pseudo spiritual successor to Skodwarde in Porn Land, SpongeBob has to make a special Krusty Krab delivery to a strange location known as LSD Land. True to its name, SpongeBob gets the highest dose of LSD possible and goes on a magical, wild ride, mang. Keanu makes a cameo as one of the LSD Land residents, just as confused as everyone else. This episode also made reference to the infamous creepypasta Skodwarde’s Suicide, which blew the internet up.

SpongeBob’s Bhad Habit: One day, SpongeBob becomes unhealthily addicted to OnlyFans accounts. Skodwarde makes another bet for SpongeBob to go 24 hours without looking at OnlyFans, calling back to Funny Pants and A Day Without Jerking Off (as seen in Skodwarde episodes 65b and 136a!). SpongeBob ends up winning the bet, barely, and Skodwarde has to make his own OnlyFans account as a result. Skodwarde ends up taking a liking to this platform though, and this new side hustle of his will also be a reoccurring running gag throughout the season. Skodwarde sure is gonna rake in that dough with both Tegridy Farms and OnlyFans.

Handy Wrestling Federation: One day, Skodwarde uses his god powers to make the Cum Bucket’s hand come to life and wreak havoc across Bikini Bottom. Meanwhile, following his farm failure, Skolliam has pursued a new business endeavor by acquiring the rights to Condom Universe (unlike the show we’re keeping that change). He uses his god powers to turn the park’s hand alive, causing it to get into a hand wrestling match of the century with the Cum Bucket hand, here tonight! Keanu and OMJ make cameos as the commentators. 

The…Break Time!: One day, SpongeBob gets a rare lunch break at the Krusty Krab and discovers the secret break room which hasn’t been opened in years. He finds a secret door in the room which takes him to the alternate Bikini Bottom reality from The Algae’s Always Greener (as seen in Skodwarde episode 41a!). This leads to quite an interesting experience in its own right.

Now that we’re at a good break point, literally, let’s shift away from the Season 12 verse for a moment and see what Skodwarde is up to, shall we?

At Skodwarde’s Legion of Doom lair, he is playing poker with Dutchman, Poseidon, Pathulu and Spengbab at a table. Skodwarde asks if they have any updates on Keanu’s whereabouts, to which they all shrug. Skodwarde furiously flips the table and asks why he even hired them, to which Dutchman and Poseidon aren’t sure themselves either. Spengbab makes incoherently babbling noises. Pathulu asks if he’ll get his family members from Dimension 420 back, but Skodwarde ignores him, making Pathulu unamused. Skodwade takes a look at his multiverse television, showcasing every one. He realizes the Qanon dimension has been vaporized, which baffles him as he didn’t do that. Dutchman suggests another Skodwarde did it on their own accord, but Skodwarde says that is impossible, unless…

He flips through more of the dimensions, where he sees Skolliam in Dimension 92, a timeline where SpongeBob and friends never escaped Atlantis, resulting David Bowie and his army conquering the seas. They realize that somehow…Skolliam returned. Poseidon remarks it appears this Skolliam is actually one of Skod’s clones who must have gained independent thought. Skodwarde is furious at this, as he took many many many precautions to ensure his clones could not break free, and especially not allow for another Skolliam to emerge anywhere, but much like Keanu, this one was also able to unplug from the matrix. Dutchman says he warned him this multiverse concept could blow up in his face and he should’ve just left it off back in 2019 where nobody could rise up, but Skodwarde refuses to listen and his pride insists he can still fix this, akin to a Shakespearean character. He keeps flipping through the channels wondering where Keanu is now, when Poseidon suggests he try the secret channel for Dimension 0. Skodwarde thought he scrapped that dimension, but gives it a shot and pops a boner in surprise at seeing Keanu making his cameos throughout the world. Skodwarde tells Pathulu and Spengbab they will ambush Keanu together, who is the bigger threat, then deal with the Skolliam afterwards. 

Meanwhile, in Dimension 92, Skolliam absorbs the energy of Bowie’s army, gaining him more power to take down Skodwarde. He then nukes the dimension and escapes into the Skodverse. As he travels through the inter-dimensional tunnel, he catches a glimpse of Dimension 0, showed to see Keanu still alive in it making a cameo. Skolliam is curious as to how this mortal survived his nuke…was he immune to god powers? He realizes he underestimated him and that there’s more to him than he let on. He jumps into Dimension 0, deciding to observe this Keanu character from the shadows.

Alright, back to the rest of Skodwarde Season 12!

Skodwarde’s Big Birthday Blowing: One day, Skodwarde realizes it’s his 10th anniversary of existing as a spin-off, so he decides to have the wildest party possible in his third tv movie, jam packed with tons of cameos, including Keanu, Scarlett Johansson and even David Hasselhoff in the most blatant fan service ever done. However, an unexpected guest crashes the party: Squidward himself, shocking everyone! Yes, the show’s 10th anniversary special has decided to answer one of the show’s biggest mysteries: where is Squidward? Squidward explains how he was banished to a world known as the Scrapped Dimension and after years, was finally able to escape. For revenge, Squidward banishes the main cast to the Scrapped Dimension and plans to set the spin-off straight. From there, an altered version of Bad Times at Scrapped Dimension plays out, which would’ve been a perfect fit for this episode (seriously, if Skod had actually gone for 12 seasons, we would’ve absolutely used that premise for this). 

The Roast of Plankton: One day, Plankton decides to team up with The Flying Dutchman for his latest scheme in a unique change of pace. Plankton demands the Dutchman teach him how to become a ghost, so he kills him. Karen finds his rotting corpse and holds a funeral for him at the Cum Bucket, where the main cast attends, including Keanu in a cameo. When it’s Keanu’s turn to give words of wisdom, he says something similar to this, moving the audience to tears:

Krabs is next up, and begins to shed tears realizing his former best friend’s is truly gone for real. He’d miss that little shit, he couldn’t believe to say. Suddenly, gears are shifted and the tragedy turns into a comedy. Comedy Central decides to turn the funeral into a roast of Plankton, LIVE FROM THE CUM BUCKET! Several celebrities rush in (some of whom being a few remnants of The Elites), ready to roast the living hell out of Plankton’s corpse. The cast begins to laugh their asses off and get in their own roasts. This infuriate phantom Plankton, who invokes his ghostly wrath on them alongside Dutchy, leading to a fun time.

Evil Kelp: Army of Fans: One day, Lewd House yet again threatens ratings, so here’s another experimental episode. In a sequel to Girls Night Out, Puff Mama, Sandy, Karen and newest member Pole decide to check out a creepy haunted cabin in the woods. The Fandom Menace catches wind of this, who are not happy about this episode’s forced feminist agenda and try to sabotage the Gal Pals’ plans by raising the Army of the Living Dead (as seen in Skodwarde episode 46b!). The episode then turns into a parody of Evil Dead, one OMJ has really wanted to do. Doug Walker also makes a special guest cameo to talk about how much he loves Evil Dead 2 but won’t review it.

The Vaccinated Krab (aka, The BANNED Skodwarde Episode): One day, following an outbreak of COVID-19 on the premises that drives customers away, Krabs decides he has no choice but to the knee to the Master Fauci and his New World Order by demanding every customer must now be vaccinated or to gtfo. Keanu makes a cameo as a Krustomer again. Unfortunately, due to vast protests from anti-vaxxers and anti-maskers, this episode has been banned from airing in the states. Not even Skodwarde could avoid the wrath of cancel culture. That’s fucked up

Breaking Bubblebath: One day, Bubblebath realizes he needs to pay off his tab for the Krusty Krab or Krabs will deny him service. In order to pay off the debt, Bubblebath decides to team up with his lover Patrick for a nice callback to Swamp Besties to cook meth together. When they get in trouble with the popo, they end up enlisting the help of the best criminal lawyer, Saul Goodman, to bail them out. Keanu makes a cameo as Saul’s bodyguard. Some fans speculate this episode was a setup for a potential spin-of down the road. You’re goddamn right.

Escape from Condom Universe: One day, SpongeBob, Patrick and Scott take a trip to Condom Universe, but see it is much different under Skolliam’s brutal regime. The three are sent to work camps and try to devise a plan to escape. In the end, after nautical nonsense involving many condom puns and rides, they are able to overthrow Skolliam thanks to Skodwarde’s help. Keanu makes a cameo as one of the Condom Universe security guards.

As S12 Skolliam plots his next scheme, suddenly, the alt-Skolliam appears before him. Before S12 Skolliam can react, alt-Skolliam vaporizes him (F). He says there can only be one, and this is his ticket to meet Keanu.

Sleepy Pants 2: Electric Boogaloo: One day, in the Season 12 finale, SpongeBob decides to do indulge in leftover LSD he had from LSD Land with Patrick and Scott. SpongeBob comes up with an idea to invade people’s dreams again, this time as a group effort with Patrick and Scott. The two are excited at the prospect, as they decide to lucid dream together. They hop around various characters’ dreams, and even end in Keanu’s. Keanu takes the form of a tumbleweed in this dream. 

“Hello SpongeBob. Nice cock.” Keanu greeted to him, as SpongeBob blushes.

They are about to enter Skolliam’s dream next, but the world around them glitches. Something’s not right, as Skolliam uses his god powers to stop the episode. He pulls SpongeBob and Patrick into the void, leaving Scott behind because he doesn’t care enough about him. Scott shrugs and hops into his own dream. Keanu and Painty both appear in the void as well. They realize this must mean the season is over, or so they think. Skolliam shows himself, approaching menacingly. Keanu is ready to fight, as SpongeBob, Patrick and Painty are scared shitless. Skolliam laughs maniacally, walking closer. He tells Keanu that he’s been trying to catch him ALL DAY and now that he’s got him right where he wants them…he’d like to join forces with him to kill Skodwarde. Keanu, SpongeBob, Patrick and Painty all shit their pants at this. Skolliam apologizes for their first encounter, but says after observing and researching, he realizes Keanu is the perfect anti-Skodwarde weapon. He is still the President of the Skodwarde Hate Club, after all. Keanu asks if he can really trust another Skodwarde, but Skolliam explains he’s disowned that identity. He is furious at how another version of himself had his story arc completely botched in the final season, so he wants to set things straight. He should’ve won the final battle, not the literal ass pull that was the Clusterfuck!

Suddenly, the real Skodwarde appears alongside his two henchmen Pathulu and Spengbab. “OHHH SHIT!” Painty yells in fear. Skodwarde thanks Skolliam for making this much easier for him, now he can kill two birds with one stone. Skolliam immediately fires several god blasts, which bounce off of Skodwarde’s mighty body. Skodwarde then vaporizes Skolliam into ash right there. Wah wah wah. Keanu is shocked, as he meets Skodwarde face to face for the first time. Skodwarde says he should be sacred now that he’s facing the real deal, not some shitty knock-off version. Keanu tells SpongeBob and Patrick to deal with the other two, as he’ll try to hold off Skodwarde. Keanu fires his gun, but like with Skolliam before, the bullets have no effect on Skodwarde. Skodwarde fires a god blast back at Keanu, which also has no effect on him, much to Skodwarde’s shock. This was not good for him.

Painty screams and runs around in circles on the battlefield. Pathulu attacks Patrick, grabbing him with his tentacles. However, instead of devouring him, Pathulu decides to make Patrick an offer even he isn’t stupid enough to refuse. Pathulu is not particularly happy that Skodwarde wiped out his family in Dimension 420 and that he was robbed of his own spin-off show. He also believes he deserves to be the universe’s final endgame villain, especially with all the buildup Jjs gave him for his return only for him to be thrown aside for a cheap joke. What kind of jackass does that!? He promises together they can overthrow Skodwarde and the two would live like kings in their own spin-off. Although the offer sounds tempting, Patrick is having an internal struggle processing it. His subconscious tells him the offer is no good to him if Pathulu will kill all of his friends. Patrick then throws some LSD from his pocket right into Pathulu’s eyes, blinding him. Patrick, using his one brain cell, realizes he’s still in the dream world imagines him wearing the ice cream cone on his head from Hall Monitor (as seen in Skodwarde episode 7a!). Patrick fatally stabs Pathulu with it, as he disintegrates, shocking everyone on the scene. This redeems himself to the fanbase, completing his character arc.

SpongeBob is proud of Patrick, as he gets wailed on by the rabid Spengbab and punched around. As Skodwarde and Keanu continue to duel, both essentially in a stalemate, Skodwarde taunts SpongeBob by telling him he’ll never become a man even with the Goofy Goober. SpongeBob says that’s not true and gets back up, mustering his fighting spirit, and channeling it into the ultimate karate attack. Just as Patrick did, SpongeBob dreams his karate gear to appear. He jumps up and unleashes his full karate fury on Spengbab, slicing him into many pieces. SpongeBob has completed his own character arc too. It’s so heartwarming it brings a tear to even Painty, who says he was always rooting for him. Skodwarde would be more annoyed, but this makes him realize he didn’t need lowly henchmen and Pathulu was going to turncoat on him anyways. He decides to put an end to this circle jerking and prepares to nuke the Season 12 verse. Seeing the two were able to dream up weapons, Keanu asks if they could dream a portal out of here. SpongeBob and Patrick aren’t sure if it’ll work but they think as hard as possible, while Keanu tries to hold off on Skodwarde. The two are able to craft open the portal, but won’t be able to keep it open for long, telling Keanu and Painty to go on without them.

“Goodbye, SpongeBob and Patrick.” Keanu said tearfully, in one of the most legitimate emotional moments of the series, and no, we’re not gonna interrupt it with a joke. 

SpongeBob and Patrick wish the two best of luck on their journey and hope they can defeat Skodwarde. Keanu and Painty jump into the portal, which closes behind. SpongeBob and Patrick brace for the end together. Skodwarde then nukes Dimension 0 off the face of reality. The hole in space-time takes Keanu and Painty to the next available dimension it can find. The two exit the portal and find themselves in…Planktopolis. Yep, we’re bringing the movie trilogy full circle. 

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Skod on the Run Part VI: Keanu Reeves Goes to the Movies

Keanu and Painty look around at the Planktopolis transformed Bikini Bottom, examining their settings carefully to make sure their eyes aren’t deceiving them. They hear the chants of civilians shouting “ALL HAIL PLANKTON!” and see fish being sent to c(h)um camps. Keanu asks where the hell they’ve ended up now. Painty explains they’ve arrived in an alternate timeline where SpongeBob, Patrick and Skodwarde failed to retrieve Neptune’s Dildo in the first movie. Thus, Plankton killed Movie Neptune, along with Krabs, and declared himself king of the seas, serving as its brutal dictator. Plankton is shown at the Cum Bucket, which has been transformed into a bitchin’ castle. Plankton sits on his throne, with his robot queen Karen sitting next to him. Right next to them is this dimension’s Skodwarde joining the threesome, giving off his trademark smug ass grin. This Skodwarde turn-coated, serving as King Plankton’s right hand man because he couldn’t resist being a part of Plankton’s reicht (and for the lulz, you know, the usual). Several rebels are brought before King Plankton, escorted by Buckethead robots. Plankton says Skodwarde can do the honor, much to his pleasure. The rebels look on nervously as Skodwarde smiles that same smug ass grin once more. Skodwarde begins to physically, emotionally and sexually torture them right in front of the king and queen. He finishes the display by executing every rebel to the tune of Ocean Man. This earns Skodwarde an applause from Plankton and Karen.

Keanu and Painty carefully make their way through the hellscape dystopian Planktopolis. They see the Krusty Krab has been completely destroyed, being replaced by the Cum Bucket 2 as a middle finger to Krabs’s corpse. They look over yonder to see several rebels fighting against the Buckethead robots, but are swiftly defeated. Painty tells Keanu he doesn’t want to mess with those, to which Keanu asks how they’re going to escape from here. Painty says they’ll find a way, or rather, as soon as jjs thinks of one. They avoid the Buckethead robots’ sights and then take their search to Downtown Bikini Bottom, or Downtown Planktopolis as it’s now called. Many statues of King Plankton erected throughout and tapestries showcasing him hang on every building. No civilians are in sight, giving the place an ominous vibe. They then hear multiple footsteps. Several Buckethead robots are on patrol, so Painty and Keanu quickly hide in a stony alley. The robots pass by, and the coast is clear. As the two make a run for it, suddenly, a security camera catches sight of the two. It triggers an alarm that annoyingly echoes throughout the city, and the Buckethead robots all become aware. They ominously turn around and begin marching toward the two. The robots begin to surround the two and demand they surrender or face an execution, making Painty is nervous. Keanu calms his fears by telling him he’s had more than enough practice with trashing robots given the Skod Wick world, so he believes these will be a piece of cake. He throws Painty out of the line of fire, who hides behind a stone wall. Painty wishes he could contribute more, but he just be a painting of a head, after all. Keanu does sick kung fu moves on the Buckethead robots, who shoot pew pew death lasers back, and he fires back with his trademark Skod Wick gun.

Meanwhile, at Skodwarde’s Legion of Doom Lair, Skodwarde is at the fancy meeting table with Dutchman. The room is a lot quieter now without Pathulu and Spengbab’s presence. Strangely, Poseidon is also nowhere to be seen. Skodwarde asks where Poseidon is, to which Dutchy shrugs and says he’s probably off doing something.The two search every nook and cranny of the lair, but strangely, Poseidon is nowhere to be seen. Dutchy says it’s probably nothing to be concerned about, subtly trying to cover Poseidon’s ass. Skodwarde disagrees however, saying his absence is actually very concerning and he will get to the bottom of it…

Back at Dimension 101, Keanu manages to successfully kick the robots’ asses without getting a single scratch on him. Painty comes out of hiding, and in a heartfelt moment, tells Keanu he’s been feelin’ a lil useless on this adventure lately. Keanu insist to him that’s not true, as his guidance is why they’ve made it as far as they have. He says Painty is in some ways, his 2nd Gary. Just because he lacks the fighting talent doesn’t make him useless to their cause. Painty is touched, but then says once Skodwarde is over…what more does he truly have going for him? Keanu admits he doesn’t have the answer to that, but promises he’ll bring him along to wherever they go after Skodwarde’s multiverse of madness is defeated. Painty is touched by this and glad they had this character building conversation. A cloaked man approaches them, and goes “psst, I can help you two fine gentleman find what you’re searching for.” The two aren’t sure if they should trust him and even sense a possible NFT scam, but they promise they aren’t with fuhrer Plankton. They pull down their hood to reveal none other than Danny DeVito (guest starring as himself)! He shows a symbol on his arm, indicating he is a part of The Elites. He tells the two to move their asses and come with him before more of Plankton’s gestapo arrives. DeVito escorts them away to a secluded part of Downtown. They reach an inconspicuous bar known as Paddy’s Pub. DeVito then reveals a secret entrance after pulling a wine bottle. The gang enter the secret bunker. Without their knowledge, a robot had secretly followed their trail, as it carefully watches them enter Paddy’s Pub and transmits this information…

Inside the bunker, they see tons of maps and weaponry belonging to the Resistance fighting against King Plankton. The Resistance consists of: Sandy, Bottomites such as Scooter, Larry and Bubblebath, and remnants of The Elites. Sandy is in the back working on a machine. DeVito says there’s no time to spare, as the Big Guy has been waiting for them. Before they can ask questions, DeVito escorts the two to a private room to show. They enter inside, coming face to face with…Poseidon! Poseidon introduces himself as the leader of The Resistance and rightful god of the sea. Oh shit. Poseidon knows they and the audience have a dozen questions, so he prepared an expositive PowerPoint presentation for this moment. Poseidon reveals he has been plotting behind Skodwarde’s back this entire time from the shadows, jealous of how he’s been left out of the lore in and out of universe. He’s sickened by any other being claiming to be a “god” of the sea, for he is the only true one. He sowed the strings allowing for The Elites to be formed and has carefully coordinated several rebellions across the multiverse to take down Skodwarde. But at the center of it all, Keanu is the chosen one destined to bring an end to Skodwarde’s legacy. This leads to gasps from Keanu, Painty and DeVito.

Poseidon continues, explaining that when Skodwarde was first birthed, he responded by forging a magical knife, infused with blood, sweat, tears, jizz, Poseidon’s god power and The Elites’ own satanic powers. He notes The Elites’ said satanic powers come from constantly abusing and torturing Squidward, making it an important ingredient of the Skodwarde kryptonite. This is part of why Skodwarde banished him to the Scrapped Dimension, the other part being he’s a dick like that. Poseidon adds this element will be elaborated more in Mein Kampf Koral (subtle promotion). Anyways, the knife was crafted as a failsafe in case Skodwade ever got out of control. Indeed, this was the very knife used by OMJ to off Skodwarde in Who Killed Skodwarde Testicles? (as seen in episode 143!), which Poseidon had guided him to the location. After the events of that episode were resolved, OMJ tossed the knife away, never to be seen again. But Poseidon knew he couldn’t lose it, so he retrieved the knife and transformed it into something that nobody would ever find. Poseidon reveals that Keanu is the physical embodiment of the fabled knife, explaining his lethal power to slay gods as well as his immunity to Skodwarde’s own god power. In fact, Poseidon is the reason Keanu has become the internet sensation he is today and why his career got a rejuvenation. It’s no coincidence that the first John Wick came out in 2014, the same year the events of Who Killed Skodwarde Testicles occurred. Poseidon has been behind everything all along. In other words, we’re pulling a Lost and revealing Skodwarde has always been one long game of chess between two gods. And yes, we’re aware this backstory has reached Kingdom Hearts levels of convoluted. :bruh: Poseidon asks if there’s any other questions. DeVito decides to ask one the fandom’s been wondering for ages:  

“I’ve got just one, your holiness: How the hell is there two Neptunes and a Poseidon?”

Poseidon explains those two Neptunes, who are secret gay lovers (as first revealed in “Bad Times at the Scrapped Dimension!”), are simply figureheads he allows to rule but they are ultimately followers of Poseidon’s will. DeVito is satisfied with that explanation and is ready to end the exposition. Painty says he smells some whacky retcons whipped out of the writers’ asses, to which Poseidon replies with: “come on, you know what spin-off you’re reading.” 

Keanu isn’t sure how to process all of this. His purpose in life was to kill a shitpost character from a SpongeBob fan fiction? Poseidon sternly says they don’t have much time and need to get out of here fast, as that there is another dimension, Dimension 102, containing a powerful artifact Keanu can use to end Skodwarde’s multiverse. This artifact is none other than the magic book used by Burger Balls, aka Antonio Banderas, in the second movie. Once the squirrel finishes her machine, they can use it to get outta here. Suddenly, Plankton’s forces begin to march toward Paddy’s Pub outside. Their time was up. Sandy continues to work as fast as she can on her teleportation machine, setting its coordinates for Dimension 102. Scooter says at least this can’t get any worse. Just then, to make that jinx come true, Skodwarde teleports into the hideout in a godly fury. Skodwarde heard everything and is beyond pissed at Poseidon’s receipt, yet he also feels like a dumbass himself for not seeing it coming. Poseidon says he will hold Skodwarde off for them, sacrificing himself. Poseidon uses his powers to throw Keanu, DeVito and Painty into the machine. Poseidon and Skodwarde enter a god battle, sending god powers blasting across the room, but Skodwarde easily snaps Poseidon’s neck, killing him. The rest of the Resistance and the robots attack Skodwarde, but he vaporizes his way through them. Using Sandy’s time machine, Keanu, DeVito and Painty teleport out of there. Skodwarde then nukes the entirety of Dimension 101 and vanishes.

At the Legion of Doom Lair, Dutchy is kicking back and watching the events unfold through the multiverse television. Skodwarde approaches from behind and says bluntly to Dutchy: “No more half measures.” Dutchy knew this was coming, and has no other response. Skodwarde says it’s a shame as he always had a soft spot for him, but he cannot take any more risks and will need to finish this story himself. It’s clear he cannot trust anyone anymore. Dutchy shrugs and accepts his fate with dignity. He’s already died before, anyways. Skodwarde then vaporizes Dutchy out of existence right there. Skodwarde looks at the tv, showing Keanu and Painty in Dimension 102, so he knows that’s his next destination. Skodwarde realizes he’s lost control over this multiverse and the only way to fix it is by performing a full measure that kills Keanu for real.

In Dimension 102, Keanu, Painty and DeVito have arrived in another hellscape, this time an apocalyptic Bikini Bottom. We’re full Mad Max up in here now, boys. In this timeline, SpongeBob and gang failed to defeat Burger Balls, so the Krabby Patty famine was never resolved. The sea collapsed into chaos and warring factions began to fight for survival. Hope ya still like leather. Burger Balls then got himself a pirate crew, killed the annoying seagulls, and plundered the land thanks to the magic book’s powers, putting Captain Jack Sparrow to shame. Painty explains they'll somehow need to get on land to find Burger Balls, who has the magic book. DeVito asks how the hell they're gonna do that, to which Painty reveals they can get up there with…THE HOOKS! (as seen in episode 20a!) Unfortunately, to get there, they will have to hike through the hell deserts. Keanu, Painty and DeVito begin to traverse through the deserts, to which DeVito obligatorily says: "I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere." Skodwarde arrives in the apocalyptic Bikini Bottom, and looks on at the chaotic setting. Normally he would adore this chaos, but then he gets annoyed and wonders if this is jjs’ attempt to continue SBC: Wasteland Warriors, to which I can confirm no. The more that waste is forgotten, the better.  :itsokayward: Skodwarde snaps his tentacles, trying to nuke the dimension right then and there, but something cockblocks him. He suspects this must be the work of the magic book and goes on a hunt to find Burger Balls, getting out of the sea.

As the gang continues their trek through the desert straight out of Dune, they begin to have a quaint bonding experience, discussing the events they've been through in this part. DeVito says it's an honor to meet Keanu after what he's heard, and the fact he's born to kill god is pretty badass. He then asks the two what they'll do after this mess is over. Keanu says he'd like to forge his own destiny going forward and not serve as a pawn for gods any longer. Painty says he'd like to become a real pirate, not just live as a painting of one. Keanu then asks what he should even write when he does get a hold of the book, as Poseidon wasn’t clear on that. Painty realizes that Skodwarde only exists due to SBC existing, which wouldn’t exist if SpongeBob had ended after the first movie and faded into obscurity. He tells Keanu that is a satisfying compromise that will still allow him to exist in some capacity, and not rid the world of SpongeBob completely. Keanu promises he will write this down, as they look over to see several hooks hanging in the distance. They're almost there. Suddenly, they are jumped by several scavengers wearing Mad Max gear, hissing like feral animals. Keanu and DeVito begin fighting them, as DeVito transforms into The Trash Man. DeVito tells the two to go on without him and that he will hold them off, as time is of the essence and that Skodwarde will be here any moment. DeVito stays behind, letting the scavengers dogpile him. He yells to the two: always love rum ham! Keanu and Painty bid him farewell, as they rush off to the hooks while DeVito unleashes his rage and flings the scavengers off of him, fighting them all like a goddamn hero. Keanu and Painty hop onto the hooks, which carry them up to the great beyond. They look down at the fiery Mad Max Bikini Bottom from the view. They'll miss DeVito's charm, but know they must honor his sacrifice by finishing the mission.

They are hoisted up onto a fishing boat, and the fishermen faint upon seeing the two. They then see Burger Balls's ship sailing into view, firing cannonballs at the fishermen's boat. Painty says that be Burger Balls' ship, and that they need to get on board, as the two avoid incoming cannonballs. The boat begins to sink as the fishermen jump overboard. The pirate ship goes right next to the boat, as the pirate crew storms the ship and plunders it for treasure. Keanu and Painty sneak their way out, as they board the plank and are now on Burger Balls's ship. Burger Balls walks down the deck stairs, pointing his sword to the two and displaying a creepy grin. Keanu says he must be Burger Balls, I presume, which annoys him deeply. Burger says he no longer goes by the juvenile moniker of "Burger Balls" and instead has fully embraced is identity as Captain Antonio Banderas, a true Pirate Lord. Banderas explains he knows all about Keanu and why he's here. He was originally sent by The Elites to retrieve the book and use it in their plans to stop Skodwarde, but Banderas decided to go rogue and use the book for other plans. Skodwarde then appears on board the ship, clapping his tentacles. He admits he's impressed Keanu has managed to evade him this long, but this dance ends right here, partner. He is not amused at jjs trying to continue Pirate Legends either, even though that’s not my intent again. Having a pirate villain kind of wrote this scenario itself, y’know. Skodwarde demands Banderas give him the book right now, as he will not let his powers be undermined by a literal ass pull book. Banderas refuses, saying neither of them are getting the book. He says he's been aware of Skod's nuking spree, and he will not let go of this dimension. He's actually happy and a competent threat here, living like a true pirate king. He explains he made it so the book prevents Skodwarde from pulling the trigger that kills him and nukes this dimension. However, he offers to join Skodwarde's forces in killing Keanu and perhaps they can work out a compromise. Skodwarde refuses the offer, saying he doesn't trust anyone anymore, so he decides to attack everyone on board. 

A massive sword fight breaks out on deck. Keanu steals two swords from a pirate, tossing the other to Painty. Painty sheds a tear, finally getting to live the pirate he wished to be, as he duels some. Keanu stabs two of Banderas's pirates and makes his way to the captain himself. Skodwarde tries to vaporize the pirates with his god powers, but his powers are blocked. Using the book's powers, Banderas also made his crew immortal in true Pirates of the Caribbean fashion, much to his frustration. Skodwarde says that won't matter as all he needs is the book, so he steals a sword as well and fights off the pirates too. Keanu follows Banderas up the mast and duels him above it, carefully looking below. The two get into it real good, and Banderas is the more experienced swordsman, but Keanu is able to deliver a gash right at Banderas's arm, actually hurting him. Banderas is surprised and realizes Keanu must cancel out the book's powers, making him nervous. Below, Painty pushes two pirates overboard and stabs another through the head. It does not kill them due to their immunity, but Painty is having a hell of a time regardless, lads. Skodwarde begins slashing pirates' bodies apart and tossing them overboard, angrily making his way to Banderas. He then sees Painty dueling nearby. Keanu continues to sword fight with Banderas, bringing their duel back onto the captain's deck. In the end, Keanu is able to disarm him. He then punches Banderas in the face, sending him flying to the deck. He drops the book, which Keanu is about to grab, when suddenly…

Painty continues to duel pirates, when he then briefly stops and sees Keanu has the book in his grasps, moments away from victory. Within that brief moment, Skodwarde fatally stabs his sword right through Painty. Keanu stops in his tracks, and turns, hearing the dying call of his companion. Painty says one last time, “I wasn’t ready for that, kids…” and dies. Keanu had now lost two of his most trusted companions throughout this insane journey to the evil that is Skodwarde. He had many emotions going through him, but one thing he knew is that this had to end, once and for all. Keanu quickly grabs and writes down in the book: “SpongeBob SquarePants never continued past the first movie.” Everyone is shocked at what Keanu has decreed, even Skodwarde. Banderas is so shocked his balls drop off. Before any of them can attack Keanu, a light shines from the book. Skodwarde, Banderas and his pirate crew all disappear into a Thanos dust. And snap, just like that, the universe around Keanu implodes. History is being rewritten.

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Skod on the Run Part 7: Rewriting History

Keanu wakes up in an apartment reminiscent of his one from the Skod Wick world. The sun shines through the window. He gets up in a panic, wondering if he made things worse or not with his wish. He walks out of his apartment, seeing people happily walking around outside. Everything seems normal, but now he had to do one final test to see if it worked. He goes back inside and finds a laptop. He googles “SpongeBob SquarePants” (not to be confused with SpringBoob SquirePin) on it, searches around and discovers…the show hasn’t aired a new episode since 2004. His wish came true: SpongeBob SquarePants had truly ended after the first movie in this universe. He does more researching, discovering it’s become something of an obscure cult classic and has nowhere near the amount of widespread attention it has today. He then learns that SBM and SBC don’t exist at all, which means in turn, no Skodwarde. Was his nightmare finally over? However, he had mixed feelings on doing this, as this means he had robbed many people of SpongeBob filled childhoods and the good stuff post-movie brought to the world. He had prevented it from becoming a worldwide cultural phenomenon, who knows how much of history changed without its influence? However, the more he thinks it over, the more he feels the pros outweigh the cons. Skodwarde and Poseidon's war had brought years of suffering to the world and it needed to be stop. Keanu also realizes The Elites sure as shit weren’t saints themselves either by torturing Squidward and children to fuel their satanic powers. He was glad to have put an end to them as well. Poseidon was also one cruel god to enable their practices all so he could have a cock contest with Skodwarde. Keanu has officially disowned Poseidon as his father and wants to start his own destiny. In Keanu's mind, preventing post-movie SpongeBob also spared Squidward from years of misery, so there's that plus. Keanu figured maybe the world could go on with SpongeBob, after all, society seems to be in tact. But now his mind wondered: what is Nickelodeon like without SpongeBob? 

He does more research and then turns on his tv. Keanu is shocked to see Nickelodeon is airing nothing but 24/7 reruns of The Loud House. Because of SpongeBob ending that soon, this caused Loud House to be created earlier than anticipated. In this universe, Loud House would go on to become the #1 Nick show, spawning multiple movies and spin-offs. On the internet site, The Lewd House on The Loud House Community would also become the studio's #1 work and one of the community’s most acclaimed stories. It finally overthrew the king, which yes, is why we referenced it in Part 5 to build up to this moment. Keanu accepts there is nothing else to be done, not seeing any potential harm in this. The world still had the first three seasons and first movie to remember the sponge by. He finally rests, and watches the sun rise on a grateful universe. Keanu decides to live out his life the best he can in this new timeline. Painty would've wanted him to, whose sacrifice he will not let be in vein. Thinking of Painty reminds him that Gary and Painty were also spared from their fates on his journey, plus Painty wouldn't be roped into The Elites' nonsense either, which he knew from their deep desert conversations in Part 6 that he truly didn't want to be a part of. They may not know Keanu in this timeline, but he's made peace with their deaths and moved on. Keanu continues to explore the city he’s in, which the more he looks at it, the more he sees looks similar to Skod City, but without all of the cyberpunk elements. Bringing things full circle, ar ar ar! He then receives a call from his talent agent, who asks him: “Ready to start filming, Mr. Wick?” It’s time for Keanu to start filming John Wick 5. He’s missed this work, and so, it’s time to get back to work, Mr. Reeves!

Meanwhile, elsewhere outside of time and space, a white void (as seen in SB-129!) is shown. Skodwarde is…alone. Familiar creepy ass voices begin to haunt Skodwarde, all exclaiming “ALONE!”. He recognizes this place, unamused.


Skodwarde runs around, trying to get the annoying voices out of his head. Skodwarde is furious at the prospect of a dumb book being able to erase him out of his multiverse. He always felt that plot device was contrived even in 2015 and it still is today. He vows that when he escapes, he will kill OMJ and jjs permanently this time and mount their butts over his fireplace. (uh oh!) Skodwarde tries to teleport out of the void, but he is unable to. He then tries to nuke it in hopes of creating a contradiction to get him out, but that doesn't do anything either. Skodwarde begins to have a tempter tantrum, steaming like a steamed vegetable, only smarter. Skodwarde begins to furiously rant in a Hitler-esque speech about how he is the highest being in this universe, not Keanu, not Poseidon, not a bunch of virgins on a SpongeBob forum, and most certainly not a void from a one-off episode! He knew there would be difficulties managing a multiverse, but he never thought it'd become this much of an issue. Everyone is supposed to be his slave, after all, or so he's been lead to believe. Was he a false prophet all along? This was supposed to be his big, final movie, the grand finale to end all finales! How can they end the franchise on a Skodwarde Torture Porn and Keanu Reeves dickride fest!? Skodwarde then has a breakdown, crying and shouting, as he collapses into the ground. All of the chaos he had been sowing for a decade was for nothing in the end. All ruined because of a famous actor who's also a meme. He didn't want to accept it, but it appears the universe's finally tired of Skodwarde and Keanu is the new meme it's embraced. Skodwarde continues to mope on the ground like a baby, when suddenly, someone approaches him. He looks up to see... Squidward?

Meanwhile, back at the rewritten timeline, Keanu is seen filming for John Wick 5. After a hard day of work, he is spotted by several fans eager to take pictures of him, which they see as the highest of honors. Keanu rewards them with honorary pieces of reddit gold, making the fans feel very wholesome. Keanu is happy to be doing this again instead of being a puppet to Skodwarde's multiverse. Keanu continues to live out this life for a year, starring in various productions, donating most of his salary to causes, and continuing to be the internet's wholesome savior. He's living life to the fullest in blissful ignorance, happy he doesn't have to worry about a nazi squid god and multiverse shenanigans anymore. You could even say Keanu took his own metaphorical blue pill, the irony. One night, while asleep, he suddenly has a strange dream. The dream depicts the Clusterfuck devouring the rewritten world, and Keanu breaking into Dickelodeon studios for assistance from The Lewd House writers. Keanu begins to yell out in fear and wakes up, unsure what to make of this dream. Did he suffer another glitch in the matrix and is being warned of events to come? Or was it a random nightmare? Keanu tries not to dwell on it too much, he refuses to have this perfect reality ruined. Keanu goes back to sleep, hoping that dream meant nothing (spoiler: it does). As he sleeps, outside of the city, a rumbling noise is heard underground...

The next morning, Keanu awakens, feeling completely recharged and ready for action. He takes a stroll through the city, seeing everything looks normal as usual. Nothing to be concerned about. Keanu is headed off to film his scenes for the latest MCU movie, much to the applause of stans everywhere. Kevin Fiege told Keanu it was finally time for it to happen after they came to an agreement on the perfect role. Who is he playing? I can't choose the perfect character for him, so we'll let you the viewers come up with your own headcanon. As Keanu goes to work, suddenly, an earthquake shakes the entire city. Everyone panics, proceeding to scream and run around in circles. Keanu helps evacuate civilians to safety, and is confused as he didn't hear reports of an earthquake today. Unless... this is what the dream warned him about. Keanu then realizes what he saw must be real. Suddenly, the sky turns gray and in the distance, Clusterfuck oozes out from the cracks (pause). The Clusterfuck has awoken again, realizing this timeline has become too dangerous due to Keanu's stunt and that it needs to be devoured. This also once again acts as fitting meta of what a cluster this movie's become.  Keanu notices this creature is reminiscent of the mutated Sandy he fought, which he felt was enough, so he's not in the mood to deal with another. He's not even quite sure how to counter it either, given Patchy saved his ass from the previous one. He notices it's consuming everything around it and the fabric of reality itself. He then thinks about how the dream showed the Lewd House writers and suspects they could be the key to helping him defeat this. Keanu then realizes he doesn't know how to get to Dickelodeon and is confused if it actually is a real thing or just an inside joke carried over from Skodwarde. Okay, so we may have complicated things a bit with that, but don't overthink it because it makes sense with the meta story you're about to see, so shh. Keanu rushes through the chaos to his apartment, still helping people to safety along the way. He gets inside and goes to his laptop, looking up the Loud House Community forum. He finds The Lewd House on their own spin-offs section, created by a "PumpkinEater69". It's received as many replies and praises as Skodwarde did in its timeline. Keanu then notices he doesn't see any SBC users at all on the site. But he shrugs it off, figuring that obviously changing the timeline wouldn't make every SpongeBob fan suddenly love the Loud House. Keanu then finds an address for Dickelodeon studios after doing more research (just roll with it), and heads off at once. The Clusterfuck continues to devour the dimension around, as Keanu tries to make it there as quickly as possible, knowing he's running out of time.

Keanu arrives at Dickelodeon studios guards and heads for the entrance, but is stopped by two guards. Keanu says he needs to get inside for an emergency, and the guards orgasm upon seeing the real Keanu Reeves right before their eyes. They're more than eager to let him in, so they oblige, but not without asking for a selfie first. Keanu gets inside and after careful snooping, finds The Lewd House's office, but the high tech door is marked as "off-limits". Strange. Using his powers, Keanu hacks into the door and opens it. He carefully walks around a darkly lit room to find... multiple cryogenic freezing pods with people inside of them. What the actual fuck? The pods are all hooked up to the studio's central computer mainframe, which is automatically writing The Lewd House episodes using their power. Inside the pods shows every previous Skodwarde writer in its history: OMJ, Clappy, Wumbo, jjs, CDCB, CNF, JCM in his final obligatory Skodwarde cameo, Nuggets, Trophy, SOF, Fa, Jelly, Steel, Box, Cha, Rev, Fred, and Patty! The gang's all here... except for Hayden and Halibut, who were not invited back to the reunion for ahem, budgetary reasons. :bruh: Keanu is horrified to learn that Dickelodeon has been using them as cryogenic zombies to write The Lewd House episodes against their wills for years. Perhaps this timeline really did have more horrific consequences than he thought, and now he feels guilty. Keanu presses a button which releases them all from their pods, as cold air blasts through the room. They all get out, and look around confused. Trophy is the first to speak, asking: "Where the fuck are we?" They're also shocked to see Keanu Reeves and immediately ask for him to award them reddit gold, honored by his presence. Keanu isn't sure how to explain this, but he tells them they've been prisoners of Dickelodeon, having their minds used to write a dirty parody of The Loud House for years. Clappy starts to remember now, explaining they are users from the Tv.com SpongeBob board (in this timeline the site didn't go to shit). They continued to have quite a strong community even after the show ended, with their fanfiction writing being one of the most popular parts of the section. Their fanfictions eventually caught the attention of Dickelodeon, who wanted them to write Loud House spin-offs for them, but they refused. So the executives kidnapped them and put them in stasis. Keanu is happy to hear he didn't entirely wipe out SBC, at least. They are disgusted by what they've written, and most of them don't even like the Loud House anyway save SOF, but even she is ashamed. Fa asks how they can ever repay Keanu for freeing them, to which Keanu tells them he came here because he needs their help. Keanu tells them that this reality is his fault and that this isn't supposed to be their fates. He knows they'll think he's yanking their chains, but he tries: after tv.com collapsed, they formed their own SpongeBob Community and many of them became writers on a shitpost dirty parody of SpongeBob called "Skodwarde". He asks if this jogs any of their memories in the slightest. None of them have a damn clue what Keanu is babbling about and thinks he's stoned. The writers all ask if they can leave now, especially CDCB who realizes his pizza is getting cold. Keanu begins pondering how he can restore their memories, and knows he doesn't have much time upon hearing the Clusterfuck's storm getting closer.

Meanwhile, back in the void, Skodwarde gets up. He looks at Squidward in the flesh, surprised and confused at how the hell he's there. Skodwarde wonders if this is just a hallucination from going mad here, but Squidward assures him he is the real deal. He explains that with reality rewritten, he was sent to the void at the end of time too given he is a part of Skodwarde's existence in the first place, bringing everything full circle. Squidward admits he should’ve never brought Skodwarde to that summer camp as that was what started all of this batshit insanity (another plug for Mein Kampf!). But Squidward says he is content now that he is finally free of The Elites’ satanic torture. He’s made peace now that the Skodverse is over and holds no ill will towards his deranged meme cousin for banishing him into the Scrapped Dimension all those years. He tells him it's okay and that together they can finally move on together. Squidward opens his tentacles for an embrace, and hugs Skodwarde, who is repulsed by the notion. He refuses to let go of his beautifully crafted multiverse after everything. He won't. But this embrace, and the fact Squidward is part of him, gives Skodwarde a most brilliant idea, so brilliant his "genius" shows one last time (well he's still not wearing pants). Skodwarde realizes since Keanu counters god powers, he could defeat him by fusing god and satan powers together to slay him once and for all. Skodwarde pretends to enjoy the embrace, but then gives a devious smile. He then proceeds to beat the living shit out of Squidward, subjecting him to reenactments of abuse he's endured over 22 years. Alas, poor Squidward can never truly escape his torture. Squidward can't even care by this point, and is just glad to be done with this shit, man. Squidward finally succumbs to his injuries. He's dead as fuck. Some fans may interpret this as Skodwarde performing one last good deed by putting him out of his misery, but nah, it's because Skodwarde needs him dead to perform this freaky stunt. Skodwarde uses what he can of his god powers and begins to absorb Squidward's corpse inside of him. Skodwarde is now infused with satan powers, god powers, Poseidon's powers and Dutchy's ghost powers combined, becoming the ultimate, complete version of Skodwarde. He's ascended to the highest possible zenith, he literally can't get any higher than this, much like jjs. Skodwarde uses his powers to shatter the boundaries the void around him. He appears in the multiverse stream, seeing every reality before him. Skodwarde then snaps his tentacles, which nukes every other dimension in existence, leaving Dimension 102 as the only pure Skodwarde timeline now. That will prevent any other annoyances from rising up. He heads for the rewritten Dimension 102.

Keanu continues to desperately attempt to jog the former Skod writers' memories, but to no avail. He then tries to channel his powers and wonders if he can induce the writers with their own glitches in the matrix. Keanu glows and shoots his powers at all of the writers, giving them awakenings. Yep, we're getting to the point with another ass pull. Well, we never said Skodwarde was anything more than a shitpost. The writers start to remember everything and have taken their own metaphorical red pills (thankfully not Q brand). Jelly, CNF, Box and Rev are pretty much out of the loop given their inactivity nowadays, so they shrug along. Clappy would rather continue his reviewing blog than be Skodwarde's puppet. Wumbo needs to get back to teaching his students the study of Wumbolgy. Fa figures it makes sense to bring back the first guest writer for finality but would like to get this over with asap so he can play Ace Attorney. Steel says he's already got a dozen spin-offs to write before he'd even entertain the thought of writing on Skodwarde again. SOF says she's moved on from writing spin-offs and says Skodwarde, much like Impostor SOF, should be left to rest. Trophy said he clocked out of the writing scene ages ago and needs to get back to dunking on both sports and politics on Twitter. Nuggets really didn't want to be dragged back into this mess, especially since he's in the film industry now and doesn't want to be cancelled for his episodes should anyone dig through his SBC posts. Likewise, CD's got a nifty animation career going now too, although his only regret is he didn't get to Skodify Karen's Virus. JCM would also like to finally move on from Skodwarde too, but he knows he's basically contracted to appear in anything SBC related by now. Fred says he hopes the Irate Gamer shows to save the day cause why not add another celebrity at this point. Cha says she's got a Star Trek binge waiting for her at home. Patty says she'd like to get back to drawing her favorite Jellystone and Sonic characters. Jjs needs to figure out a way to wrap up this batshit insane episode before even writing dialogue for himself. Lastly, for the big kahuna and creator OMJ himself, it seems like no matter how many times he tries to escape, he too realizes Skodwarde always pulls him back in. Now that every writer is up to speed and given at least one line of acknowledgement, Keanu explains to them Skodwarde went out of control and tried to make his own multiverse, but it backfired horribly. He's been chasing him across multiple dimensions, and learned he is the key to defeating Skodwarde. He explains how he tried to rewrite history, hence why they're all here, and that the Clusterfuck is about to devour this dimension. Several writers who haven't viewed the work in years' only response is: "goddamn, how much Skodwarde lore have I missed?" Keanu asks OMJ and jjs how he can defeat the Clusterfuck, to which they reveal they don't really know either lol. Jjs explains he came up with the idea of the Clusterfuck on the fly, inspired by Dark Matter from Pokemon Super Mystery Dungeon. It was just really something random we decided to end the series with so there could be a big epic battle. However, given how OP Keanu's become, they suggest he could stand a chance at slaying the mighty beast. OMJ and jjs tell everyone that if they ever attempt to write more Skodwarde again after this, they have the right to ban them, to which everyone agrees.

The Perfect Skodwarde appears in the eye of the Clusterfuck's storm, descending down upon the studio. He has made the Clusterfuck obey him now. The Dickelodeon executives bust into the Lewd House office, wondering wtf is going on in here, when suddenly, Skodwarde blows a hole right through the studio. The blast incinerates the executives, and Skodwarde sees Keanu with the writers. He would be more disappointed the writers have revolted, but he lost his fondness for them long go. Keanu is shocked, as he thought his wish would've erased him for good, but Skodwarde laughs, saying it's not that easy to get rid of him. Skodwarde explains that erasing him disrupted the fabric of reality and that the Clusterfuck is hungry to correct that. No matter how hard he tries, the universe needs him to exist in some fashion. Skodwarde then adds how he killed every other timeline, saying Keanu can’t Dimension Hopper Pants this shit anymore, biatch! Nuggets says he's gonna fight him for reminding him of that. OMJ says Skod's become just too much, mang. Shit, when he first started it in 2011, he wasn't even expecting it to go for long given he was ready to ditch him as early as Season 2. Skodwarde calls OMJ a weak old man who no longer controls his will. OMJ agrees with Keanu it's time for Skod to end, whatever it takes. Keanu apologizes for getting them into this mess, but they need to stand together to finish off Skodwarde, because the fate of their lives is at stake too. He blesses them with his anti-god powers in hopes it helps protect them against Skodwarde. Keanu warns that they may not make it out alive, but they say at least they went out fighting with Keanu Reeves, an honor nobody else has had. Keanu and the Skod writers stand together in a battle line-up. They're prepared to fight until the end against Skodwarde and the Clusterfuck, no matter the cost! Keanu and the Skodwarde Writers...UNITE!



Skodwarde facepalms at this, not amused at jjs jerking himself off to Power Rangers yet again and referencing Skodwarde, You're Fucked, one of the biggest shark jumps in the entire series. All that's missing is another return from the Talking Dog at the Shell Shock to recapture that episode because fuck it, why not? But thankfully we're not gonna do that because this clusterfuck of a movie's had more than enough cameos and we're nearing the end. Now, enough monologuing and let's get to the big epic fight! Wumbo is about to say they don't even plan, but Keanu says he'll figure that out. Skodwarde shoots his god powers at the writers, who are protected thanks to Keanu's powers. But Skod's still got tricks up his sleeves, as he unleashes a mix of satanic and ghost pew pew lasers from his eyes, which vaporizes Box and Rev. Keanu says he's never seen Skodwarde do that before, realizing he must have gained more than god powers now, which worries him. OMJ realizes he's become half satan now and once again establishes this shit has gotten too whack. The writers say they'll split up, with half facing Skodwarde and the other half facing the Clusterfuck. The first team tries to hold Skodwarde off with their own wholesome powers and Power Rangers fighting moves. Keanu charges right to the Clusterfuck, sending his wholesome powers at the creature, burning through it. Skodwarde begins plowing through the writers, as he gives OMJ and jjs giant bitch slaps for this movie. He picks both up and sends them flying right into the Clusterfuck, devouring them. Keanu and his team continue to wear down the Clusterfuck and Keanu then gives it a final blow, getting rid of the gooey monster for good. They then turn their attention to Skodwarde, who wipes out Fred, CNF, Jelly and Patty after a valiant effort. Keanu jumps right at Skodwarde, does a Matrix spin, and shoots at him with his Skod Wick gun, piercing through his body. The bullet is only a tickle to him, as he heals it instantly and sends Poseidon's power back at him, knocking Keanu back. 

Trophy, SOF, Nuggets, CD and Steel all corner Skodwarde, shooting multiple attacks at him. This begins to give him Squidward torture PTSD, but he breaks through it using his satan power and shoots a blast back that vaporizes the five. Keanu tells the remaining writers, Clappy, Wumbo, Fa, JCM and Cha, to stop. Enough have suffered thanks to him, he can't bare to see anyone else perish in this fever dream of a battle. Keanu tells the five to run for the hills. They say they don't mind staying, but he tells them only he can end this and that they probably have lives to return to, at least he thinks. Keanu proposes to Skodwarde the two of them will settle this right here, right now, man to man. Nobody else. Skodwarde agrees, wanting this over with too, and prepares is final strike, which comprises of every power he currently has. The remaining writers scram, and wish Keanu the best of luck. Skodwarde starts to unleash a DBZ level nuke, but unlike in anime he gets right to the point since we have a runtime here. Keanu counters it with his own power, causing a giant collision. Both of the meme gods have stalemated each other, refusing to let go. Both try to push and shove their collision at the other, but they're in a draw. The two can't keep doing this forever, so they release their collision of attacks. This releases a massive, blinding light of an explosion (no Weeknd cameo I'm afraid) that spreads throughout the universe. The flash begins to reset the timeline again, but this time, fixing it back to the way it was before the multiverse. Now we're taken back to the normal Skodwarde timeline, right after the series finale "It's a Wonderful Skod!" has played out. Skodwarde and Keanu appear right in the Koncentration Kamp Koral pitch and where we ended in the first place. Oh.


One part left!

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Skod on the Run Part VIII: Magnum (Condom) Opus

One day, the French Narrator prepares to share the culmination of all his underwater research to his peers in the field. For years, scientists have turned over every possible stone they can in order to discover the origin of our universe. While some have looked toward space for the answer, Frenchy has instead plunged headfirst into the ocean. Over the last 10 years, Frenchy has monitored an undersea city that’s evolved years beyond what any could’ve ever anticipated. And at the heart of this city is a self-proclaimed “squid nazi” named Skodwarde. However, contrary to popular belief, he is not a “squid” nazi but in fact, an “octopus”. Who also happens to be a nazi.

This Skodwarde specimen has displayed abilities the likes of which no other species on earth is even capable of doing. Abilities that any sane person would consider to be “unnatural”. 10 years ago, Frenchy discovered this being. And for the past 10 years since, he has been surveying and studying his every move. With consent, of course, because Skodwarde is what so would call a god after all. He would know that he was being filmed against his will.

Frenchy has made countless inquiries, scoured every possible ancient text and subtext. Deep dived into all manners of mythology, lore and cultures in hopes of possibly pinpointing the origins of this living, breathing god among us. Throughout his tireless search, all Frenchy could come up with was this artist’s rendition dated back to around 1 million years ago.




And now, Frenchy has concluded that perhaps the ancient Hawaiians had it right all along.

In the 19th and 20th centuries, a recurring verse in the Hawaiian creation chant, the Kumulipo, was interpreted by anthropologists Adolf Bastian and Roland Burrage Dixon as describing the octopus as the sole survivor of a previous age of existence. More than just a mere hypothesis, Frenchy BELIEVES that Skodwarde Testicles is, in fact, that survivor. Skodwarde would soon spawn more octopi like him in an attempt to populate this new world with his untainted bloodline and with them, the seeds of life were planted into our universe for all time. The octopus have always seemed alien to us because they are aliens not just to this earth, but the entire universe.

Frenchy claims that it can all be traced back to where our universe really, truly began. On a stretch of land deep underwater that was once occupied by the happy campers and staff of Mein Kampf Koral. Revisionist? Yes, very much so. But it’s true and you all better fuckin believe it’s true, because in conclusion, if our universe began at the end of another, what’s to say that OUR universe won’t eventually come to an end? But most importantly, who will be the one to survive? This has been Frenchy’s TED Talk, the magnum opus of all his work.

Frenchy’s peers humbly ask that he remove his diving helmet so that they may know the identity of the man who managed to find the answers that no one else could. He obliges, revealing himself to be none other than Giancarlo Exposito doing his best French accent.


Skodwarde and Keanu now find themselves back to where it all ended (or started again, if we wanna get real fucking technical) originally; the horrendously titled “Koncentration Kamp Koral” backdoor pilot. Two years. Two whole FUCKING years of unnecessesarily meticulous offscreen, thrown-together world building and hackeneyed spin-off planning erased from the very loose canon, just like that. With his legacy effectively wiped and his audience having walked away long before this movie started, Skodwarde no longer has anything left to lose. And with nothing left to lose, the squid nazi lets loose and recklessly focuses all of his combined powers squarely on killing Keanu Reeves.

After some nautical nonsense involving god powers, devil powers, ocean powers, ghostly ghost powers, all sorts of combinations of the four and Keanu Reeves just being his breathtaking self, Skodwarde is still not fucking good enough to land a fatal blow on the Matrix: Resurrections star (go see it in theaters and on HBO Max if it’s even still on there). Keanu’s had enough of this power scaling bullshit and goes for a killing blow of his own. Skodwarde hears “power scaling bullshit” and is inspired to come up with an even more bullshit idea.

Skodwarde uses his god powers to summon forth the tortured husks that was once the Skodwarde main cast to stand between himself and Keanu. Not wanting to do them any more harm, Keanu recalls his attack, commenting that this is a really dick move dude. And if he thinks that’s a dick move then wait til he see Skodwarde return SpongeBob, Patrick, Sandy and Mr. Krabs back to their godly Scrapped Dimension glory with all of their previous character development (yes, they went through character development. I put a lot of effort into Scrapped Dimension) back intact.

SpongeBob asks where Skolliam is so that they can “let me at em!” Skodwarde bullshits to them that Skolliam has evolved into that hideously aging actor who really needs to fuck off with the niceness. And unbeknownst to his fellow, Skodwarde proceeds to empower them even more with each of his four elements. SpongeBob ascends to “Godly Mastered Ultra Bullshit”, Patrick becomes an “Oceanic Prick”, Sandy unlocks the power of “Satanic Strong Woman” and Mr. Krabs accepts the fact that he is a “Ghostly Ghost Gay Crab”.

In some sad, desperate attempt to make up for the last series finale, Skodwarde sics his newly powered-up cast mates at his arch nemesis. Keanu is left with no choice but to fight back, as these main timeline characters have no idea who he is and he ain’t got time to give them the rundown because we’ve got a runtime. Keanu manages to kill Mr. Krabs, Patrick and Sandy in that order and it’s very sad, I’m sure, but they die off happily knowing that everything has finally come full circle for each of them. They did what they were meant to do, even if it meant not seeing things through to the end. Now? Now they can rest after a whole decade of providing hours of cut-rate entertainment.

SpongeBob, himself, hasn’t fared in this god battle any better than his comrades. He too knows that his time will soon come up. Skodwarde uses his god powers to push SpongeBob into putting some effort into it, but SpongeBob is tired. No amount of effort will change a damn thing. “All things, whether good or bad, come to an end, Skod”. And for the first time in his entire lifetime, Skodwarde has himself a genuine cry as his last hope is taken away at Keanu Reeves’ hand.

Skodwarde desperately attempts to bring them all back, but resurrecting life taken by Keanu Reeves proves to be far beyond his power now. Their deaths are now permanent. Keanu reiterates that “you made me do that to them”. Skodwarde made the decision to lay it all on the line, and now he’s left with nothing but 11 seasons of jizz jokes. Now it’s time for him to take his end with some grace. Keanu Reeves proceeds to kick Skodwarde’s pasty ass all across creation, to Davy Jones’ Locker and back. An ass kicking the likes of which you readers couldn’t possibly fathom, which is why it’s so poorly described. Skodwarde received a warning for all of this ahead of time in “Skodwarde, You’re Fucked”, but now he knows exactly what it means to be truly FUCKED.

Keanu tosses Skodwarde’s mangled, fucked up living corpse aside like the trash that this spin-off has become. He tells the squid nazi that if he has any last words, he better make them count now. Skodwarde, recollecting any iota of sense he has left, tearfully appeals for Keanu to reconsider what he’s about to do. Skodwarde has officially been around for more than a decade now, that’s an eternity in SBC years. He has brought people together in joyous collaboration for years, not to mention all the laughs. Oh, all the laughs that everybody has had thanks to this show. 

Skodwarde is the lifeblood of this community. If not the community, then he’s at least the pulse of creativity that continues giving the dying spin-off/literature section life. What will the section have then? In the time since Skodwarde’s original season finale, the activity has taken a hell of a hit. People have come and gone. The old crew’s mostly fallen sand in an hourglass now. What jjs managed to pull off in the last episode felt good in writing but it’s not quite true to real life, is it? But they can put more sand in the hourglass. Make new storylines and memories for new and future members to bond over. THIS could be our legacy, SBC’s legacy. We can’t just let it die, we can’t just kill it. Not when there’s still potential room to grow. SpongeBob’s still going, then we can too, right? We can do things better, we can do things right by Gary! Don’t like that last episode for Gary that Hayden wrote? Then it’s gone, we can do better! Didn’t like how Gary was killed off? Then we can bring him back, there’s always a way back! Killing Skodwarde is killing the heart and soul of this community. There’s no telling what may happen if this time, it’s permanent.

Keanu Reeves takes in all that Skodwarde has to say and mulls it over for a good bit. The one thing that still really resonated with him was SpongeBob’s final line.

“All things, whether good or bad, come to an end. Even something as ‘timeless’ and ‘everlasting’ as you”

But before the final blow could be struck, Skodwarde uses what remained of his strength to seriously upset the flow of space-time.


Skodwarde is forcefully rewinding everything, absolutely everything back to that fateful summer in 2011. He won’t take the pussy way out like Hitler did. If he can’t gain a new audience, he’ll simply turn back the clock to the time when he had a faithful one. If the series went off course following the first movie, then he’ll just go back and make things better. If Keanu Reeves is inevitable, he’ll just constantly go back and repeatedly buy himself more time. This isn’t the first time he’s been forced to do this, and it won’t be the last! Even when everybody else is gone, he will continue to remain! That is what makes Skodwarde superior, that is what makes him a nazi. He is a survivor, far and away, above and beyond EVERYTHING ELSE! No universe will be the same without him! He has evolved far beyond what his original creator had intended and therefore he will last FOR ALL TIME!!

Skodwarde’s Hitler-esque ravings echo throughout all of space and time. Keanu can already feel the clock turning back on his existence. Soon, he will be nothing more than a simple knife on the original Skodwarde meme. But suddenly, he hears the voice of one Ian McShane reverberate through the infinite cosmos. Keanu is feeling like he’s tripping balls, but yes, it is actually still Ian McShane. Keanu asks how this is even possible, to which Ian responds that “the only side I’m on is yours, Jonathan.” Ian then tells Keanu that Skodwarde’s end is now or never before giving him one final push to end things now, preferably.

Feeling completely recharged by the words of his clearly platonic friend, Keanu launches himself and his fist through the years 2015, 2014 and 2013. 

Keanu Reeves: This is for Gary… And for everyone else you’ve ever fucked with!

Skodwarde feels a sharp pain in his chest, a chilling sensation he has never felt before. He looks to see a knife’s hilt sticking out of his own body. The blade has punctured his bulb. Skodwarde no longer had the power to keep on going back. The only thing he can really muster up now is a clip show in his head of all his greatest hits. His life flashing before his very eyes.


Skodwarde flashes back to the universe that once was, before this one. He remembers the countless other inhabitants whose lives ended at the end of his blade, all in a mad attempt to prove his worth before their world ended. The very same blade that now pierces his own body. He then remembers slipping through a rift at the end of it all, which would send him to what would eventually be the grounds of Mein Kampf Koral and from there, he had an entire universe in the suction of his cups to do with as he pleased.

And from there, many fond moments such as [insert your favorite Skodwarde moment(s) here] begins to roll from the Skodwarde archive. But most importantly, the jizz jokes. So, so many jizz jokes. Skodwarde takes his final moments to lament having survived for so long, and now this is how it all ends for him. If there was one thing that made him even remotely unsure all his life, it was the end. So I guess in the end, god powers can’t buy you everything.

Skodwarde sees the door to Davy Jones’ Locker open before him. He doesn’t even know what to make of it until he sees SpongeBob and the rest of his cast calling out to him.

SpongeBob: We’re gonna be okay. They’re gonna be okay. It’s all gonna be okay. This isn’t gonna be the end of the world. Now you can rest, friend.

SpongeBob holds his porous hand out to the squid nazi. Perhaps there was nothing to be unsure about after all. The door to Davy Jones’ Locker closes behind them and all that was left behind was the knife that did the deed.

But contrary to SpongeBob’s words, the world was indeed ending. The Skodwarde universe truly began falling apart without its nucleus. The collapse of logic is enough to return Keanu Reeves back to normal. But what he awakens to is pure chaos. Perhaps ending the show wasn’t such a good idea, huh?

Ian McShane reappears to Keanu, who frantically asks what the fuck is going on. Ian explains that Skodwarde’s end has left a power vacuum in the universe, one that threatens to succ everything into oblivion. They both agree that sounds nice at first glance, but can really fuck em up in the long run. Ian tells him that the only thing Keanu can do now is survive. Keanu asks how that is even plausible given the very dire circumstances. Ian suddenly drops the act, revealing himself to have been Giancarlo Esposito in disguise the whole time (boy, can that guy act or what).

Giancarlo: The devil, my friend, is in the details.

Giancarlo sends Keanu plummeting through a rift right at the end of the episode. Giancarlo is completely content with his fate knowing that he is the architect of Skod’s demise. Inside, Keanu can slowly feel himself becoming one with the fabric of reality itself. He makes it to the other side to find absolutely nothing at all.

Keanu: Whoa

Reeves then suddenly explodes in a great big flash that soon envelops the vast nothingness that He has now inherited, eventually setting things back into their proper order over the course of countless eons.

We soon return to the SpongeBob Community, where we see things operating as usual. The only thing left of Skodwarde is the now iconic image that’s been memed to hell and back, so let’s just keep it that way. The main SpongeBob show continues to chug on with Squidward back in his rightful place and many spinoffs in the pipeline, finally free of anymore raunchy parodies, at least of the nazi squid variety.

As for Keanu Reeves? Why, he’s now everywhere and anywhere. Everything and anything all at once. He might even be that tumbleweed blowing through your room right now. But wherever he is, truly, I imagine he’s putting those god powers to far better use.

Keanu Reeves is then seen in his own little corner of the universe, the newly opened Kamp Keanu, returning in camp counselor form to spend the rest of the day with his campers as well as his old pal (and camp mascot), Gary. All to the sweet ass tunes of Tiny Tim around the campfire.




Meanwhile, in the year of our new lord Keanu, 2011, a kid fresh out of high school is spending one summer day out-of-state pondering what he wants to do for the rest of his life. Having returned to the SpongeBob Community under the username of the first side character he could think of only just recently, he stumbles across the iconic meme of Skodwarde in passing. Given a burst of inspiration, he now knows what he wants to do. He pulls up the notepad on his iPhone and starts drafting out a gag fanfiction but is interrupted by the untimely arrival of Giancarlo Esposito, who proceeds to threaten into not finishing that piece of shit fanfiction. Things get real tense until Giancarlo reveals that this was all just another act


Giancarlo then slits the user’s throat, who shall continue to remain nameless, in cold blood.


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Figured I’d make a separate post to give my final thoughts since that last episode felt like a novel enough as it is lol and I don’t think I ever gave any final thoughts back during the time of the original series finale two years ago. I was in a pretty bad way roughly around that time so it all just felt very whatever to me, and I guess it showed in how that original finale ended.

but yeah, 10 years mang. A decade (give or take two years) of jizz jokes. I never thought that this fuckin joke spin-off would ever evolve into what it has since become when I first posted it. And a lot of that evolution and I guess success (as far as on a SpongeBob forum goes) is thanks to the whole lot of you who’ve supported it throughout the years. Whether you wrote on it, read it, lurked it and/or anything else in between. This milestone is very much yours as much as it is mine and I can’t thank all of y’all enough.

I mean, I practically gave up on this series one episode or so into the second season, but y’all really stepped up and shut my ass up. And really, from there on out, it was all you guys with me just tagging along for the ride mostly.

But special shoutouts to my old rock mate Clappy who initially took the reins of Skodwarde off my hands and really got things rolling with “expanding” Skod beyond just a one man operation. It was a genius decision that I only just toyed with in the form of silly dares and it’s really what gave this spin-off such a long lifespan and I appreciate you for it. Also to my fellow og crew mate Wumbo, whose sense of humor I will sorely miss, I’m glad you got to contribute that brand of humor to Skodwarde for a good while, it was great while it lasted. My time planning and writing this shit with you and Clappy made for some of my fondest on here. Seasons 2-4 will always have a big place in my heart because of that. Also to jjs, the man without whom this past year of Skod content wouldn’t’ve been possible. You took what Clappy established and expanded it far more than I honestly ever anticipated. The sheer amount of collaboration going on with this spin-off at one point. Boy, if that wasn’t the peak of Skodwarde. I loved seeing that, made my decision to step down during Season 8 a whole lot easier because I knew Skod would be in good hands. Skod was a well oiled machine with you in charge and I’m glad I eventually got to work on it under your leadership. Production of Season 11 may have had its ups and downs, but it was still a fun last hurrah at the time. Just when I think I’m out of the game, you always find a way to pull my ass back in lol I’m glad you ended up selling me on this 10th anniversary project. You say that I inspire you a lot, well the feeling goes both ways buddy. Just when I think I have nothing to go off of for a Sponge on the Run parody, our discussions give me the jolt of creativity need to come up with idea for this bad boy. Hard to believe this was almost just a Kamp Koral parody and that’s it. Sorry I couldn’t contribute to that as much as I originally intended, but you ended up knocking Kamp Koral out of the park. I’m glad I gave you the approval to go ahead of it haha. And thank you once again for picking up my slack for a while there on Skod on the Run while I was going through some shit again. You really stepped up and made both projects more your own, and all while still juggling your own slate. I wish I had half of your work ethic brotha. I’ll always appreciate your being here and checking in on me when you don’t have to. Hope we can work on something together like this in the future. And lastly, and I know this name is sorta persona non grata, but special thanks to Elastic Dawg for inspiring me at the time and infecting me with his sense of humor. Seriously, Skodwarde started out more or less as a ripoff of The Mudman. That shit’s still one of my faves despite how brief its run was. I know our friendship took a hit cuz of all the Fantastic Five stuff, but I still regret not making good with you, as well as with the other guys who felt jilted for that matter. You’ve long moved on from this site now, so it is what it is.

Jjs and I both agreed that this will be Skodwarde’s final send off into the sunset. And I tried to write the ending of Skod on the Run to accommodate that decision, as well as trying to make it a more respectful sendoff than last time’s. Once again thank you all for coming along for this crazy ride throughout these last 10 years. Thank you for giving me and others a platform to let loose some creativity and entertain you. I hope this spin-off section never dies. I still plan on posting more of my shit here for as long as I’m able to. It’ll more than likely be infrequent knowing my depressed, unmotivated ass, but I’ll do my damnedest to stick to the current roadmap I have planned out for my new slate. And I hope you’ll join me for those new stories too if you can.

stay gold, Skodwarde. Bang

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