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Fred riffs Eddsworld Meets SpongeBob


Ash Ketchum

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Yes, I know this was already riffed upon back in 2015 on Jjs' Riffing Theater but I think in life, there has to be at least one thing to cross off your bucket list. I have a ton of things that I haven't done at all but let's start with possibly the easiest: Riffing the worst spin-off on SBC. Why?

 

because i really need something to distract me from riffing nostalgia critic's christmas with the kranks review--I mean, because I never did it before and I want to get it out of the way fast.

 

And don't take this too seriously, I'm just gonna riff these in the style of Mystery Science Theater or Jon Stewart style. Riffs are in bold.

Chapter 1:

Spoiler

 

Now I don't know a whole lot about Eddsworld here so forgive me if my knowledge on this series is very limited. All I know is that creator Edd Gould died of leukemia in 2012. And if this is Zaid's tribute to him or something, well, let me put it bluntly. ZaidCatDog could've traveled to his grave, fuck-humped Edd's dead body, and left unnoticed and somehow, and that would still be less offensive than what I just read. So let's take a look at this golden turd so that I may never think about it at work again.

 

http://t01.deviantart.net/JYAexYejbbRkuOWW7u53JR_A-DA=/300x200/filters:fixed_height(100,100):origin()/pre14/1a99/th/pre/i/2012/325/7/4/midnight_premiere_by_kakashicoke-d5lpoyw.jpg

Meets

http://www.ourkidsmom.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/pineapplefever_thumb.jpg

So if I am to judge by these pictures, this show's gonna be about Double D and his friends watching a movie at midnight, while SpongeBob joins the border patrol. Sounds exciting!

Also, just so you know, he does this title card for the other two episodes as well. He really does cater to his audience of goldfish.

Chapter 1

The Morning

(The scene shows Spongebob and Edd waking up in bed)

Okay, so imagine you're a SpongeBob fan (like me) and have no idea what Eddsworld is (like me!), and your first exposure to the series starts out like this:

(The scene shows Spongebob and Edd waking up in bed)

What would your first interpretation of the show be? I guess Edd is some guy who likes to bang fictional sea sponges. Take that, televangelists! It's not Adam and Eve, it's Adam and SpongeBob!

(Spongebob)

Spongebob: What a Fantastic Morning! Better come on down to The Krusty Krab! :troll:

Time to go down to The Krusty Krab and troll the customers! :troll:

(Edd)

Edd: Alright, lets check the fridge!

(Edd Picks up Bacon)

http://img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110225111416/eddsworld/images/c/c9/Edd,tord,bacon.png

I like bacon. Especially when it's extra broken image-y.

(Spongebob)

(Spongebob Arrives at the Krusty Krab, But, Mr Krabs Tells him something)

Spongebob: Mr Krabs What are You doing? :sb:

Mr Krabs: Im moving this near a random island! 

There's this one island out there I highly recommend. I haven't been there but I've heard it all over the news and the guy who owns the island says people over there are treated real nicely. Didn't catch his full name but I think his last name was Epstein.

Spongebob: Really?:smirk:

Mr Krabs: Yes Really!

Moving this restaurant to a random, probably uninhabited island is a great idea! 

(Squidward Arrives)

Squidward: Ugh what are you doing? :SquidGroan:

Spongebob: Mr Krabs wants to move the Building to a random place near a island! :funny:

"Parroting what other people say just makes me laugh every time! :funny:"

Squidward: Whatever im going inside. :tvguy:

Spongebob: Ok! :troll:

Can't tell what's more pointless so far, the pointless dialogue or the pointless emotes that follow it.

(Eddsworld)

(Tom is Listening to a Girl's Generation Song)

(Edd is Heating up his bacon while he gets a Coke Out of the fridge)

(Matt is just admiring himself...again)

(Tord is watching TV)

Yes, I'm sure the millions of people on this SpongeBob site who've watched Eddsworld know who these characters are.

Tord: Hey Edd! can you get me some bacon?

Edd: Oi Make your own!

(A Coke with Bacon Commercial Comes On Both Bikini Bottom And UK For Some Reason)

http://img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111104002232/eddsworld/images/b/b4/185px-TWE1.png

"Coke with Bacon" sounds like the worst fucking thing I'll never try.

End of Chapter 1

So if I'm going by the 3-act structure law, this was the chapter where we were supposed to know about all the characters and where they came from. So what do I know about the characters from Eddsworld? Nothing. Nothing at all. All I know is Coke with Bacon exists somewhere. This is some Doogal-level storytelling right here, folks.

Chapter 2:

Spoiler

Chapter 2

Mr Krabs Moves the Building to a Beach in The UK

You know, the Building! It isn't specified which building it is the title is referring to so I'm gonna assume he's moving the Empire State Building.

(Tom And Mr Krabs Is Texting)

(Tom is Texting His Girlfriend)

(Mr K Is Texting Pearl)

Very stunning action. It sure is exciting to see two people texting without any real dialogue. Also, I wouldn't put anything about Krabsy texting his daughter after "(Tom is Texting His Girlfriend)", but that's probably just my opinion.

(UK/Eddsworld)

(Tom Stops Texting for a moment)

Tom: So What should we do today?

What do you think they will do? Will they:

A. Go to the thrift shop and pop some tags

B. Have a serious discussion about politics nowadays and how terrible they've become

C. Pad out the plot

I'll give you a hint: It's C.

Edd: I Dont know.

Tord: HOW ABOUT THE BEACH?

Edd: Sure!

Matt: BUT IM ALLERGIC TO ROCKS!

Edd: Your allergic to everything.

And your allergic to good grammar.

Matt: Oh yeah.

(Halfway to The UK/Spongebob)

WHOOOOOA, LIVIN ON A PRAYER

Spongebob: So what are we doing?  :okay:

Just a chapter ago, you were telling Squidward what Mr. Krabs' idea was. Did this chapter take off part of your intelligence too? Or does Zaid really think us readers are goldfish who deserve exposition every chapter?

Mr Krabs: Well, We are Moving to a island to get more ingrediants and Make a New Type of Krabby Patty!

"So ye can say goodbye to your dumb snail and your Sandy Cheeks and your Patrick Star because The Krusty Krab is moving to the UK to find some rare exotic ingredients!"

Seriously, the fuck? And does this mean that The Chum Bucket is now the best-selling restaurant in Bikini Bottom now? Where does Plankton fit into your story?

Squidward: WHAT? I DIDNT BRING CLARIE!  :angry_squidward-302:

Mr Krabs: Dont Worry, i hitched your houses to the back of the truck!

Damn. Just damn. I mean, I knew he was "Armor Abs Krabs" in the Navy but he's strong enough to give Artie from Pete & Pete a run.

Squidward: Phew. i thought i lost clarie for a moment  :SquidGroan:

(UK/Eddsworld)

(Edd Tom Tord has came to the Beach, and left matt home surrounded by rocks.  :hysterical:)

issat a picture of zaid laughing after he wrote that line

Edd: (Drinks Cola)

Tom: (Contenuisly Texting)

Tord: (Shooting the Animals)

Shooting the Animals what? A Snapchat? A picture? Oh, who am I kiddin' trying to sweeten up this line. 

(Quarter To UK/Spongebob)

(Everyone is sleeping on the floor while Patrick :PatDance:  is driving the truck)

Oh, so that's where Patrick's been all this time. Way to introduce another character at the end of the chapter. Taking all bets this guy's gonna be the villain of the third act.

END OF CHAPTER 2

Chapter 3:

Spoiler

Chapter 3

The Meeting

As we left off...

Spongebob cowered in fear as tord Aimed his gun at the Krusty Krab.

oh no? oh... well.. we left off a quarter to the UK.

Actually, hold on there, Jethro. Let me give an actual recap.

Chapter 1: Mr. Krabs decides to move the Krusty Krab to the UK and nothing happens.

Chapter 2: They all drive a big truck (?) to the UK and nothing happens.

And I just found a quarter in the UK! Hooray!

I can't anticipate what kind of "conflict" the third chapter will bring us.

Patrick: You guys want anything? im stopping at the end of the world Cafe and Gift Shop :swag:

And I feel fine. :swag:

Spongebob: No thanks im full  :chaserved:

Squidward: i do need to go to the bathroom, im just slapping my butt like crazy!  :tvguy:

Actually, while you're in the gift shop, could you pick up a spellchecker, some actual humor, and an actual story? We really could use those right about now.

(Meanwhile with Mr Krabs)

Mr Krabs: alright, Roadside Krusty Krab costs 4 dollars Please! :yes: 

Selling Krabby Patties for only $4? You're not Mr. Krabs...

Natasha-man-fish: Ok,(Pays) :angrytom:

(UK/Eddsworld)

Tord: nothing like bringing a gun to the beach! :thumbsup:

Nothing like inserting random unneeded violence into your crappy spin-off! :thumbsup:

Edd: i know right tord, but i left my pistol at home

(The tiny tiny Spongebob size pickup arrives on the beach)

Tord: ooh! a toy pickup i can blow up with mah gun!

:george:

(The tiny Pickup/Spongebob)

Patrick: AHHHH! :huh: 

Spongebob: (Acts silly while walking) What? :shake:

"Stop screaming and let me shake it, damn it!"

Patrick: GIANT GUN!o.o  

Spongebob: OH NO! o.o

(End of Chapter 3)

Will Spongebob defend himself agenst tord?

Will He Grow to Tord's size and teach him a lesson?

Okay, stop asking me these questions and let me ask you the questions. When did SpongeBob and Patrick shrink down to the size of a single bullet? Is Tord the villain of this whole story? And what lesson does he intend to learn after SpongeBob beats him? Not to leave rocks around your allergic friend? I have literally read books I've written when I was 7 and they were more coherent than this!

Find out in Spongebob Meets Eddsworld Chapter 4!

Christ on a cracker, how do I begin to describe this spin-off? The basic concept is absurd, the execution is even worse, the first chapter is basically filler, the emoticons are annoying, the spelling is atrocious, the characters aren't given any description at all, and one of them becomes a villain at the very end without no explanation (which could've been useful in the first damn chapter).

But if there's anything this spin-off proved once and for all, it's that you can make a crossover out of anything and it'd still come out better than this. What's next, a crossover between The Fairly Oddparents and Happy Tree Friends? Hey, anything is possible in Zaidworld if you just believe. This is Fred Rechid. I'm out. Peace.

 

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I don't want to have to keep making this argument, but while I can't disregard that Zaid wasn't a good writer by every means, if there's any writing on SBC that I would consider to be 'the worst,' I'd still say that it would be from someone who knew exactly what they were doing, like SpongeBob's Host by nose or Crazy Celes by Metal Snake as a couple of obvious yet very notorious examples. Eddsworld Meets SpongeBob is an incoherent mess, yes, but trust me when I say that the same would apply for everything else he made. 

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