One-Time Star Wars Characters: Where Are They Now?

[Memphis Tennessee]

Intro

Besides raking in a shitton of money for a bunch of rich Californians, the Star Wars franchise has enthralled the world with its epic characters and their amazing adventures. But what about the characters left behind? The ones whom after their fleeting moment on screen, were thrown aside for a plotline deemed more worthy than theirs? Here we will recount their untold stories, stories gathered from all across time in a galaxy far, far away. This is…

ONE-TIME STAR WARS CHARACTERS: WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

Created by jjs & OWM

Consider this a spiritual successor to Wumbo's One Time SB Characters. You can decide for yourself if these are canon or not. First chapter coming tomorrow! 

[Danny DeVito]

I don't remember this being announced in the disney+ lineup

[Darkseid]

Hype, imma follow this

[President Squidward]

somewhere, that one man is still drinking alien titty milk to this day...

[OWM]

EPISODE I – BOUNTY HUNTERS

The Empire certainly didn't need their scum, but their fame and deadly efficiency has made them some of the most interesting people in the galaxy. So what have they been up to?

Zuckuss

Zuckuss failed to catch Han Solo before Boba Fett did, which he took very personally. From then on, he chose to focus on capturing targets more suited to his insect tastes, such as rotting garbage and bright, ultraviolet light. Thankfully, he’s much happier this way.

4-LOM

4-LOM failed to catch Solo as well, which made him realize bounty hunting just wasn’t for him anymore. Using his exceptional programming skills, he left the field to become an elite video game developer. His last whereabouts indicated that he travelled to the future, to another galaxy far, far away, to work for a company called Game Freak.

Beedo

After his brother Greedo was tragically shot by Han Solo (he traumatizes every bounty hunter in the galaxy, it seems), he sought to avenge his fallen comrade. He eagerly went around multiple cantinas across the galaxy, and sat patiently, waiting for Han to stroll in so he could shoot first. He still took on some small bounty jobs in the interim, but he kept a low profile. Rumors say every so often you’ll find Beedo sitting in the corner like a weirdo at random cantinas, still waiting for Han to come to him...

Bossk

Bossk, a Jabba’s Palace VIP, died a horrible fiery death when the sail barge exploded, having spent his last moments partying with enslaved alien bikini babes. Luckily for him though, his reptilian ancestry allowed his remains to regenerate into Baby Bossk, who lives a bitter and resentful life in Grogu’s shadow.

Dengar

After the Battle of Jakku, Dengar continued good ol’ fashioned bounty hunting with his bros. However, at some point, he ended up in a horrific hunting accident, which led to his body needing extensive repairs. When they were finished fixing him, he had been reborn into Robo Dengar. His fellow hunter buddies now mockingly call him a “clanker”, which is strongly recommended something you NOT say to him or you’ll end up facing Robo Dengar’s rampage.

 

That's it for this episode. Tune in next time, where we examine the legacies of a mish-mash of many people.

 

 

[Old Man Jenkins]

Good, good for Zuckuss

[Memphis Tennessee]

EPISODE II - MISCELLANEOUS CHARACTERS

The Star Wars galaxy has such a variety of characters that for this episode, we'll be taking a look at five random people that didn't quite fit in our other categories, but are equally important all the same. So what have they been up to?

Ben Quadinaros

Following the grand race at the Boonta Eve Classic, Ben continued his podracing career into the rise of the Empire. He even got a lucrative brand deal with Rydonium Incorporated and became one of their star sponsors. He later retired from his podracing career after the fall of the Empire, going off to relax on a farm and feeling he contributed all he could to life. He contently watched as the sun set on a grateful universe.

Unkar Plutt

Plutt was furious after losing his most valuable scavenger, and his junk trading career came to a pause following the First Order’s takeover over the galaxy, frustrating him even more. After some anger management classes, he decided to pursue a new career: rapping, taking on the stage name of “Unkinem”. His albums sold decently well, and “The Junk Show” peaked at #1 on the Galactic Billboard. Will the real slim plutty please stand up?

GH-7

After failing to keep Padme alive, GH-7’s reputation dwindled among many medical professionals and droids across the galaxy. It hurt the droid’s self-esteem so much that its medical quality began to severely deteriorate under the Empire. GH-7 was eventually reassigned to being an inventory droid, abandoned and forgotten about in the grand galactic history. Unverified sources state the droid later deactivated itself and it was last seen being sold off at Batuu. Remember, kids: Always take a medical profession seriously.

Watto

Watto ran his shop for many more years, as the Empire rose and fell, and the First Order followed suit. One day, when he was a very, very old Toydarian, a young woman visited his shop.

“My name is Rey. I’m looking for a job.”

“Rey? Rey what?”

“Rey… Skywalker.”

The Skywalkers were now back to where they started: peddling Watto’s wares. At least it got them away from all that Jedi nonsense.

Finis Valorum

After his time in office concluded, former Chancellor Valorum lived a quiet, isolated life, and took up being a painter as his primary pastime. It is said he came to regret everything about galaxy politics after seeing his successor Emperor Palpatine's rule over the galaxy, wondering what he had brought upon them. He reflected these sorrows in his somber and darker artworks. 

Next time, we'll be shedding the light on the fates of several obscure Jedi sorcerers.

[OWM]

EPISODE III – JEDI

They were heroes, protectors, and defenders of the light side of the Force. But the Empire's purge left them scattered and almost a myth. Not everyone perished during this Purge, though—many lived on to tell tales of their own. So what have they been up to?

Yaddle

It is rumored by several whispers that Yaddle left the Jedi Council after Master Yoda got her pregnant, which the two knew would be quite scandalous. She gave birth to a baby known as “Grogu”, who was kept at the temple with the other younglings, although nobody would ever know the scandalous truth behind his conception...until now!

Oppo Rancisis

Oppo disguised himself as an especially shaggy carpet, stowing himself on a cargo ship to the planet Chad. There he opened his own carpet shop and has been laying low ever since, with nobody seeming to recognize such an unimportant character. I hear you can get pretty sweet deals there if you use his lucky coupons. Just don't mention the whole Jedi thing.

Quinlan Vos

Quinlan survived the Purge by hiding on Stewjon, but could never get past his undying attraction to weird-looking bald girls. Locals have said that he intends to move to Kamino soon to try and pick up their women.

Yarael Poof

Before the start of the Clone Wars, Poof was dispatched on a mission to investigate unrest from planets that would later identify themselves as part of the Separatist Alliance. He went incognito on Raxus Secundus, where he got distracted by a local pizza restaurant. While dining on the delicious pizza there, he was assassinated by a bounty hunter. Tempting, the pizza may be, but distract from your mission, never must you let it. 

Tera Sinube

Master Sinube fled to the place he knew best: Coruscant’s seedy underbelly. But the modern environment proved too much for his old heart, and a bunch of delinquents robbed him and stole his lightsaber. By then, his mind had warped horribly from age, and he disappeared into the mysterious, CGI-rendered streets.

 

There really was no hope for the Jedi, as you can see. Tune in tomorrow, where we'll recall the tales of the galaxy's many creatures.

[Memphis Tennessee]

EPISODE IV - CREATURES

The Star Wars galaxy has many fascinating, weird, and mysterious creatures. Some of them we may never fully understand, but there's a few with magnificent stories worth regaling. So what have they been up to?

Omi, The Trash Compactor Dianoga

Omi stayed in her little trash compactor until the kid she almost killed like 20 minutes ago came back and blew up her whole house. Using her mysterious dianoga powers (later discovered to be the Force) she predicted that she would reincarnate as a more powerful being in another galaxy. She did, and is now a 46 year old man who has directed such classics as Brick and Knives Out.

Teedo

Teedo kept roaming long after Rey left, continuing to have no respect for anyone. Jakku legend says he devoted the rest of his life to his goddess R’iia, starting an evangelical podcast with twelve followers dedicated to her teachings.

Sy-O, The Space Slug 

Sy-O the Exogorth was sad after failing to eat the Millennium Falcon, but moved on and continued its attempts to devour other passing ships to make them a part of its internal ecosystem. At one point, it consumed an entire Star Destroyer, which gained it much respect from its fellow Exogorth brethren.

 

Gilbert, The Camel Thing That Farted in Jar Jar’s Face

Gilbert didn’t mean to do it, although he’s not sure why the Gungan guy immediately took a long, focused whiff like you see in the gif, though. Anyway, Gilbert soon escaped the pack mule life to live a free and comfortable one roaming the Jundland Wastes. Weesnaw!

Boga

Boga actually miraculously survived the blaster shot from Order 66, but Kenobi would never know this. Boga is said to still be lurking the mountains and caves of Utapau to this very day, crying out to its former Jedi rider, hoping someday he’ll return.

What fascinating specimens, yes? Tune in tomorrow, where you'll learn what became of several Rebels and Resistance soldiers.

[Old Man Jenkins]

Boga: 

[OWM]

EPISODE V – REBELS & RESISTANCE

We've reached the midway point of our series, but hang on tight—there's still more to come. The Rebels and the Resistance that followed it were a proud, valiant bunch, but after deposing their respective evil empires, there wasn't much of a purpose for them. So what have they been up to?

Ten Numb

After his more charismatic cousin Nien hogged all the fame for destroying the Death Star II, the jealous Ten Numb joined the dark side out of bitterness. But during his first day as a First Order stormtrooper, he found to his horror that his helmet couldn’t fit over his weird pancake-shaped face. He was then killed instantly by a Resistance laser to the head.

Jarrod Thalcorr, the Rebel Friend

Jarrod stood by his Rebel comrades till the end, helping everyone he could with loving care and a heartwarming smile. His kindness, however, couldn’t save him from a Sith Lord chokeslam against the walls of the Tantive IV. He belongs to the angels now.

Elyhek Rue, Red Squadron

Disappointed he could not partake in the Battle of Yavin, Rue tried to appease as many people as possible so he could get hot action for the next big Rebellion battle. This brown nosing paid off and led him to see combat with the Battle of Hoth. During the battle, he was shot down and crashed somewhere in the snowy mountains. Nobody ever came back for him and he was left stranded on the planet. It is said that he may still be alive, living among the Wampas and eventually becoming their king.

Klaud

After the Battle of Exegol, Klaud became Chewie’s new partner in crime to fill the void of the old friends he’s lost. The two went on many adventures together and became honored heroes of the New New Republic (or whatever government forms post TROS). They even started their own talk show together, although nobody was able to understand anything the two were saying, which made any special guest star episodes very awkward, to say the least.

Beaumont Kin

Following the Battle of Exegol, Kin resumed his studies to become a galaxy historian, becoming quite an esteemed scholar. He graduated top of his class at the Lerch Historical Institute. In his speech, he attributed his knowledge to the philosophy of famed galactic scholar Sok Ratees. He has gone on to debunk many myths and fake news about the galaxy, setting history straight. His parents, wherever they are, must be feeling ashamed for calling their son “useless” when they see where he is now. Kin’s famous words of wisdom “Dark science, cloning...secrets only the Sith knew” have become recited across the galaxy.

 

Tomorrow we'll look at the opposite side of the fight—allies and soldiers fighting for a different cause, or perhaps a different side.

[Memphis Tennessee]

EPISODE VI - EMPIRE & FIRST ORDER

We're diving head first into the second half of the series, examining the other side of the conflict. The tyrannical Empire and First Order regimes were some of the most villainous to ever appear in the galaxy, and with such large groups comes several obscure fellows with untold fates. So what have they been up to?

TK-528, The Stormtrooper Who Bumped His Head on the Door

TK-528 was once CT-4663, a proud Kaminoan soldier. But times had changed since the Clone Wars. He couldn’t handle a lot of things about the Empire, especially the height of their doors. Before the Death Star exploded, he fled on a TIE Fighter in hopes of regaining his purpose in life. Godspeed.

Garindan ezz Zavor, aka Long Snoot

Zavor continued to be a spy for the Empire, and did such a great incognito job that he ended up working as a double agent for other organizations, such as the Rebel Alliance, Hutts, and many more. With how many groups he’s been a spy for, some have called him an “infinity agent” because you truly never know whose side he is on. He could betray you at any given moment. And you’ll never see it coming. It’s said that he “retired” from the spy career after the Empire fell to spend a nice, quiet life with his daughter. But this could be a front and he could be putting up that act to catch people off guard. One thing’s for sure though: He’s very rich now thanks to all the credits he has from his many spy jobs.

Bolvan

After ordering Lieutenant Hija to not fire on the escape pod from Tantive IV, he soon realized his head was on the line when that very escape pod had C3PO and R2D2 on board it all along. To avoid getting fired, or worse, for that blunder, he asked officer Arvira for assistance with filing his paperwork by removing to mention the event. This would go on to become of the shadiest cover-up scandals in the Empire’s history, and much gossip filled the Empire lunchrooms. These whispers eventually made their way up to Vader and Sheev themselves, who used common sense to figure out he was lying. They kindly asked him to meet them one day, and Bolvan eagerly thought he was getting a promotion. Sadly, he soon learned he was not, and Vader promptly force choked him to death. This taught a valuable lesson to many officers: Be careful not to choke on your aspirations.

Thanisson

After failing to prevent Finn and Poe from escaping the Finalizer, Thanisson received a demotion, becoming the ship’s janitor. He later died during the Battle of Batuu, failing to finish cleaning the ship before his demise. Sadly, nobody would really care about his death given how obscure he is even by this series’s standards. Oh well.

MSE-6, The Mouse Droid That Was On The Death Star

Contrary to popular belief, this obscure mouse droid actually survived the Death Star’s destruction, making it out on an escape pod just in time. The escape pod eventually made its way to Kashyyyk, where a tribe of Wookiees discovered the strange droid inside. They took it in and were able to reprogram it into acting just like them. From mouse to a Wookiee, quite an evolution.

 

Tomorrow we'll be taking a look at several wholesome 100 characters who have immortalized themselves in Star Wars meme culture. 

[OWM]

EPISODE VII – MEME CHARACTERS

They were never meant to be taken seriously. Even mentioning their name causes laughter among some fans. But they led lives and backstories just as complex and interesting as any other Star Wars character, which is nothing to laugh about. So what have they been up to?

Favjo Manew, The Jeans Guy

After being erased out of existence thanks to digital meddling the will of the Force, Favjo found himself in a strange, terrifying purgatory along with the original Yoda puppet from Phantom Menace and the Sebastian Shaw Anakin ghost. The three reportedly get along well.

Dexter Jettster

Dex kept running his old diner until the Empire seized his property to build an Amazon warehouse. Undeterred, he started Dex’s NEW Diner with his beloved girlfriend Chef Gormaanda and ran it until 34 ABY, when he was shot and killed in an armed robbery. Investigators never found his killer, and true crime documentaries continue to cover his death. Please, think of him and the legacy he built everytime you chomp into a nerf burger.

Elan Sleazebaggano, The Deathsticks Guy

Unfortunately for poor Elan, the death stick business ended up falling on hard times following the rise of the Empire. He tried several gigs to compensate: traveling salesmen, mining guild, shoe shiner, droid fixer, and more, but they never panned out. Frustrated and down on his luck, he eventually settled into the spice business around 10 BBY, which ended with him getting his face tragically blown off Breaking Bad style.

Willrow Hood, The Ice Cream Maker Guy

Contrary to popular belief, Willrow Hood wasn’t holding an ice cream maker—he was holding a container called a camtono, which was filled with precious ice cream. After evacuating Cloud City, Willrow fled to Mustafar in order to enjoy his frozen desserts, only to find that they had all melted.

Boss Nass

Boss Nass’ rule as Gungan leader didn’t last long under the Empire. Shortly after Padmé’s death, he was violently overthrown in an Empire-backed coup and replaced by Supreme Generalissimo Juan Juan Guaidó, Savior of the Gungan People. Nass’ last words before his beheading were as follows: “BLBLBLBLBLBLBLBL.”

 

Tomorrow we'll be focusing on a much narrower group of characters—a group who liked to perform together in a certain band. 

[Memphis Tennessee]

EPISODE VIII - MAX REBO BAND

Hailed by many as the galaxy's own Beatles, this group left quite a legacy on the space music industry. But following their big break at Jabba's palace, many have wondered where the gang is nowadays. So what have they been up to?

Max Rebo

Even though Jabba’s sail barge exploded, the Max Rebo Band miraculously survived, only to break up right afterward. When music stopped paying the bills, Max got a job shooting plastic butterflies out of his trunk for kids to catch with nets. Elefun®! In stores now.

Sy Snootles

After the band’s breakup, Sy tried to go solo, but had a difficult time becoming mainstream. Many people found her vocals “too weird” or “downright atrocious”. Her debut single, “Me and My Snooty Heart”, didn’t even crack the Galactic Billboard Hot 100, breaking her heart. In the end, she gave up on the music career and decided to make her own beauty store called Snooty’s Secret.

Droopy McCool

Many people know that Droopy vanished into Tatooine’s dunes, searching for his fellow anus-faced brethren. But few know of his fate afterward. His long journey eventually led him to what he was seeking: a colony of Kitonaks with little to no concept of music. Undeterred, Droopy pulled out his clarinet bassoon thing and played a beautiful melody. They cheered and whooped, and joined him in song. Today on Tatooine, sometimes you can hear the words “Salutations, my children! Are you ready for your daily dose of smooth jizz?” in Kitonak, followed by the sound of beautiful music.

J'ywz'gnk Kchhllbrxcstk Et'nrmdndlcvtbrx, aka Joh Yowza

Also more easily known as Joh Yowza to his peers, J’ywz’gnk’s now dead music career led him to return to his ancestral homeland: the forest moon of Endor. Unfortunately, his visit back home didn’t last long―soon afterward, a piece of debris from the newly destroyed Death Star II crushed him like a bug. 

The Backup Dancers and Side Guys

They all stayed behind when the sail barge left, so when they heard what happened, they had the palace all to themselves. It’s said to this day they are still living up in the background like kings.

 

Tomorrow we'll be focusing on several characters from a certain infamous holiday special...

[OWM]

EPISODE IX – THE HOLIDAY SPECIAL

The much maligned but never forgotten holiday special... is canon. (Yes, look it up.) This ancient piece of Star Wars history featured many one-timers, all of whom never appeared again after their glorious single moment on the screen. So what have they been up to?

Chef Gormaanda

Gormaanda continued her cooking show, often inviting her fellow four-armed lover Dexter Jettster on. However, this was not to last. While filming one of her episodes, she suddenly collapsed and died of a cardiac arrest. Turns out all that stirring and whipping isn’t so good for your health.

Ackmena, The Singing Bartender

Ackmena realized there was more to life than bartending, and quit her job to find success as a singer. She had some brief stints with Sy Snootles’ backup band and the Droopy McCool Experience, but soon realized that spending her days in Miami with a bunch of old widows was the only life for her. She thanks you for being a friend.

Mermeia, The Grampa Wookiee VR Pornstar

Mermeia, despite her lifelike charm that effortlessly allured horny old men, wasn’t real. She was a virtual pornstar with a body made of ones and zeroes. She still exists today, her AI stored in the same folder where they keep Cleverbot and Hatsune Miku.

Jefferson Starship

Jefferson Starship realized rock music just wasn’t meant for this galaxy, and tried again in the far future, in another galaxy far, far away. This move, of course, worked. I think they’re going on tour soon.

Dromboid, The Guy from the Instructional Cassette

Dromboid continued his film career for many years, playing such exciting roles like “Guy Who Falls Asleep” and “Dead Extra #16”. As you can see, there was never much of a place for him on the red carpet.

 

Tomorrow we'll end our season by focusing on a certain place. In a casino? Yes. Filled with scum and villainy? Yes. In the desert? Not quite. Stay tuned.

[Memphis Tennessee]

EPISODE X - CANTO BIGHT

We close out Season 1 with an examination into one of the galaxy's seediest casinos, harboring some of the wealthiest and scummiest people you'll ever know. So what have they been up to?

The Master Codebreaker

The Master Codebreaker, or if you prefer to go by his real public alias, Zeff Lezos, continued to amass power and wealth over Canto Bight into the First Order-Resistance war. He went on to become the richest person in the galaxy with a wealth of over 182 billion credits. He would open a company called Cantazon, becoming a popular shipping service in the galaxy. His workers are forced to work in poor conditions but Lezos didn’t really care. This would lead him to taking on one of the poor workers as an apprentice, who would go under the moniker of The Master Strikebreaker. While Lezos continues to smugly soak in his wealth, someday, a revolt will be coming for him...

Temiri Blagg, The Broom Boy

Temiri, inspired by the alien racehorses that had just been freed, left his orphan friends in search of a greater fate than sweeping stables for a living. Inspired by his hero Luke Skywalker, he vowed to combat the corporatocracy that had ruled Cantonica for decades. These plutocrats would soon know his name: Temiri Blagg, Servant of the Force.

The Racehorse Aliens That Finn and Rose Freed

The horses, also scientifically known as the Fathier, continued to gallop around Cantonica, free as the winds. They went on a great philosophical journey, rediscovering themselves and their purpose in life. They would never forget the two brave revolutionary heroes that freed them from the capitalist tyranny of Canto Bight. This later ignited a spark in them, making them fight to end space capitalism. Now they are endorsing this guy called Burnee Sandurus.

Dobbu Scay, The Leprechaun Gambler Who Assaulted BB-8

Dobbu Scay wasn’t evil, but desperate. He needed those coins to pay his child support and crippling debt from his deathstick addiction. But that failed casino robbery gave him a new perspective. What had his life become? He went home, quit drugs, and found a stable and fulfilling purpose in life. All it took was that chance encounter with a weird orb droid thing.

DJ

After betraying Rose and Finn to the First Order, DJ was paid quite handsomely for his services. He bought a fancy new ship and then went right back to Canto Bight to gamble, betting all of his remaining credits. Sadly, he lost them all, and was now back where he started. It’s like poetry, it rhymes.

And that wraps Season 1 of our tales. Originally, OWM and I had planned for this just to be a miniseries, but seeing the positive reception to this so far, and the fact we have a few more ideas, we have decided we'll keep this going. We've already begun drafting Season 2 and we plan for that to drop around summer time. See you soon, space cowboy...

[OWM]

SEASON II

ATTACK OF THE ONE-TIME STAR WARS CHARACTERS: WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

There is unrest in the galaxy. Despite many of the galaxy’s most colorful characters having their stories told, there is still a call for more. Some have been ignored and rejected, while others were just kind of not interesting enough and were cut out before they were finished. But there is hope: the old crew has returned, here to restore balance...

EPISODE XI – THE CLONE WARS

We begin our season by examining some figures from the Clone Wars, one of the galaxy's largest and bloodiest wars to ever exist. No one quite triumphed, yet everyone has their own tales of bravery and heroics. So what have they been up to?

The Lurmen

Shortly after the fall of the Republic, four animals resembling a lion, zebra, hippo, and giraffe along with four penguin like species crash landed. They revealed themselves as Imperial spies and pillaged the planet. The Lurmen were taken into captivity and said to now reside at a galactic zoo.

Slick

After being imprisoned for treason, Slick was later secretly transferred back to Kamino on Palpatine’s orders, who was curious about how this clone gained free thinking to betray the Republic as he did. The Kaminoans found that his inhibitor chip was defective, which allowed him more free will. They reprogrammed his chip and assigned him to serve as the station’s new janitor following 99’s death, no longer a soldier. This was not a fun job for him, especially with clones calling him a turncoat whenever they see him, despite him having no memory of it now. 

Rotta the Hutt

Rotta grew up to develop a rebellious streak in his teenage years, as most other Huttlets at his age do. Inspired by the heroes who had saved him long ago, Rotta fled home to become a Jedi. After a long, interplanetary journey, he soon arrived on Coruscant. However, he found that not only was he not actually Force-sensitive, but the Jedi had been eradicated years ago. He now sells death sticks on the streets, as his father would have wanted.

Rafa & Trace

After their spice adventure with Jedi Ahsoka Tano, the two sisters went into the spice trade business. Needless to say they got in over their heads and got themselves into quite a few nasty situations with all sorts of ruthless spice lords. It’s rumored they were the ones responsible for blowing off Elan Sleazebango’s face, but this is not confirmed. After that, they managed to get out of the business and ride free into the galaxy, finally at peace. They never did see Ahsoka again, but they’d never forget the valuable journey they shared with her.

Chopper

Not to be confused with the homicidal droid of the same name, Chopper continued to collect destroyed droid fingers for his necklace trophy, which continued to weird other clones out. As a result, he didn’t particularly have many friends in the army. Chopper later lost his life during the Battle of Malastare. His droid finger necklace was retrieved from the aftermath and preserved as a memory for the fallen soldier.

 

Tomorrow we will look at a similar time in history, after these wars had passed and a new power had emerged.

[Memphis Tennessee]

EPISODE XII - REBELS (show)

Dark times, the galaxy is in. Through that darkness shines the spark of rebellion. The Ghost crew had quite the adventures, but during those said adventures, there were several people they encountered who never got to complete their tales.

Tseebo

After escaping the Empire, Tseebo went into hiding and covertly aiding the Rebel Alliance, all while still having his brain fried from the knowledge he possesses. He became one of the Alliance’s most valuable assets with all of the data he stored. After the Empire’s defeat, he was compensated greatly for his insights, and eventually got treatment to help fix his brain malfunctions. He then settled back onto Lothal, living a quiet, peaceful life.

Yushyn

Yushyn developed a deep fear of space whales following the events that transpired with The Ghost crew. He had seen them as only petty, smelly, stupid nuisances ruining his shipments before, but everything changed on that day. He eventually retired from the Mining Guild, living out the rest of his days with space whale PTSD. He treaded carefully, always looking over his shoulder, fearing one of these days, the whales would get him...

The Eighth Brother

Eighth Brother actually survived his fall, using the special Jango Jumper genes to jump to safety. Unfortunately, such a jump made him break his back, nearly killing him, but thankfully he was able to keep walking. He then tripped over a rock, breaking his back again, but still surviving. Nevertheless, he kept pressing onward undeterred, trying to make it for the exit. He thought freedom was in his grasps. That was until two people fighting above set off a doomsday weapon, which turned him to stone, which then broke apart, actually killing him for real this time. RIP.

Klik-Klak

Klik-Klak continued his hardest to look after the last Geonosian egg, as it was the last hope to save his species from extinction. The egg did eventually hatch into another Geonosian queen known as Karina. He raised her well, and when she grew old enough, the time came for him to let her spread her wings and fly. He let out a tear of joy, proud of his work. Hope did exist for the Geonosian species. Klik-Klak went back underground into hiding, like a ninja in the wind. Several explorers claim to still see and hear him lurking in the underground once in a while.

The Two Stormtroopers Who Chased The Lothcat

The two Stormtroopers would end up chasing another Lothcat for fun, unable to help themselves, but this time, eventually getting lost deep into the vast Lothal deserts. The Empire never found them, and they were listed as deserters. The truth behind their fates was unfortunately much more darker than that: the two Stormtroopers eventually burned to death out in the desert, with Lothwolves eventually coming to eat their remains.

 

Tomorrow we will look at the legacies of another mish mash of various colorful characters.

 

[OWM]

EPISODE XIII: ATTACK OF THE MISC CHARACTERS

Look at this: a galaxy of heroes and villains, each with their own tales to tell. But isn't that boring, though? We want to know about the simple man: the one who gets passed over while their colleagues hog the spotlight. So what have they been up to?

Janu Godalhi, Sea Monkey Opera Ballet Enthusiast

After the end of the Clone Wars, Godalhi is said to have become a database manager for a website dedicated to a space film series, all stored on his own special holocron. He acts as a keeper of the lore and would later get cool glasses, too.

Isdam Edian, a.k.a. “Bespin Guard Dies”

Isdam was an honorable and well respected member of the Bespin Wing Guard, not a soul in the galaxy could hate him. In 3 BBY, he gave his life in an attempt to stop Slave I from escaping Cloud City, being thrown over the edge to his death. His fellow guards gave moments of silence to honor him. Never forget this hero.

Kitster Banai, Tatooine Slave Child

After watching his best friend Anakin leave his life forever, Kitster vowed that he would not die on this rock as a slave. He spent the rest of his youth working until he had enough money to buy his way to freedom at age 42. His new destination was Coruscant, where he hoped to become an entrepreneur, only for the Empire to immediately conscript him as a Sandtrooper. Now back on Tatooine, riding on a dewback, Kitster wondered why he even bothered.

Fode and Beed Annodue, Podrace Announcers

Fode & Beed’s announcing gigs soon began to run dry, and they realized they really couldn’t stand each other. With the help of a brilliant young doctor named Cornelius Ezavan, they applied for surgical separation. The two are now floating heads in a jar, tucked away in a forgotten closet, victims of a failed operation.

no but seriously why would you want an action figure of them

Augara “Augie” Jowil, Gungan Composer

Augie rose to fame when her magnum opus “Symponik Nabooalla” was performed at the Battle of Naboo’s victory celebration. But the young musician was unable to handle the media attention and sold-out concerts that followed, and turned to drugs to cope. She became reliant on a mysterious death stick dealer and his young sidekick to get her fix, until she suffered a bombad overdose a few years later.

 

Next time we'll look into several more tales of the galaxy's fascinating creatures.

[Memphis Tennessee]

EPISODE XIV: ATTACK OF THE CREATURES

In such a large galaxy, there exists many strange and obscure alien species. Here are the tales of more who did not get to shine last season.

The Thala-siren that Luke Skywalker Drank Titty Milk From

Following the Jedi’s death, the mysterious alien creature continued to live on Ahch-To, delightfully waiting for its best friend to return to milk its titties. Unfortunately, that day never came, and it’s said the creature’s cries can still be heard from across the planet. 

Bor Gullet

Bor Gullet survived the Galactic Civil War on Jedha, but felt rather bored and coddled after it ended. It promptly chose to end its life by absorbing all the memories of the droid ME-8D9, who was loaded with countless images of disgusting intergalactic fanart. Slowly but surely, Bor Gullet then began to melt into a pile of tentacled goop.

The Sleen on Dagobah

After a weird laser sword wielding kid made eye contact with it on Dagobah, the Sleen shrugged it off and went back to its own business. Good relations with the strange green alien goblin residing on the planet, it did have, who would sometimes feed him. It was sad when Master Yoda passed away, wondering where its friend went. The Sleen eventually got over this too, living out the rest of its life on Dagobah sleeping, digging holes and eating delicious bugs. As you can see, these creatures move on very fast. Its likeness was later used as the mascot for a popular ship insurance company. Fifteen minutes could save you 15% or more on ship insurance. 

The Worrt at Jabba’s Palace

Before the infamous “Skywalker incident,” Worrt held a steady job as Jabba’s personal forager: searching for disgusting bugs and slugs in the Dune Sea and bringing them back to his dinner plate. Jabba’s death had less effect on him than he expected—for a while, he simply started feeding Bib Fortuna instead, and made him very fat. But he realized he could use his skill for more than just finding desert slugs. He left and got a new job as Droopy McCool’s talent scout, seeking and retrieving Tatooine’s best musicians to join the band. Rock on.

The Sando Aqua Monster on Naboo

After saving Qui-Gon, Kenobi and Jar Jar from two creatures, the sando aqua monster went about its natural life, continuing to lurk through the oceanic depths of Naboo. Several years later, pirates tried to capture it in a close encounter, injuring the beast, but it managed to overcome them and sink their ship. As the beast swam away, that encounter made it realize how little of its species was out there. To ensure more would always exist, it laid eggs, which eventually hatched. The beast raised its babies and when they grew large enough, it let them swim into the oceans beyond, proud that its species would live on.

 

Tomorrow we'll hand the spotlight over to one of the galaxy's most valuable assets: droids.