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How are you feeling? (Emotionally)


Karen
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i am feeling very sad

i grew up with an abusive dad and i am having one of those nights where i can't stop thinking about it. he was abusive in every way possible, including sexually. i remember being very scared when i was little. i remember how no one in my family did anything to get me out of that situation. my mom's boyfriend isn't abusive, but he hates me and thinks i'm retarded ( i am autistic and i do not like being called that ) and he sees me as competition for my mom's attention which is so petty. i did have a father figure, but he started ghosting me when i tried to get in touch with him after a year, i guess that is over. i do not usually care that much, but tonight is just one of those nights and i am by myself until sunday and i just needed to get this off my chest.

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I think its one of the most humiliating, embarrassing, and sad things ever when you realize you weren't as important or mattered as much to someone as you originally thought. I couldn't imagine pretending to like someone for your own selfish reasons or gain. Two years absolutely wasted on someone who I thought liked me a lot. He said he just needed time to figure his own shit out and didn't want a relationship but that we can still hang out and asked me to "be patient" so that eventually things will blossom into a relationship. So much for all that, so much for "being patient". I should've left the minute he said that.What a fucking joke, I was so fucking blind. I was ALWAYS there for him. It's been 3 months since a bomb was dropped on me (wont go into detail on what he did) and I'm doing good....but sometimes it's hard to forgive yourself. I'm just having a little bit of a hard time forgiving myself for letting all this shit slide for so long.  But at least I can say that I had pure intentions the whole time. I can sleep good at night knowing that. Good luck finding a girl as amazing as me, asshole. Oh well...I was too hot for him anyways.

 

Had to rant.

Edited by Sauce Mama
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Just found out one of my best friends moved to the mainland and it has me pretty bummed out. Couldn't really be helped since the move came pretty suddenly for him apparently, and getting together wouldn't've been wise with the current situation going on. Still sucks tho, mang.

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