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How are you feeling? (Emotionally)


Karen

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Some pretty bad dreams the night before (more than likely caused by some serious feelings of self-doubt/loathing recently) started my day off on the absolute wrong foot, but being around to save my dad from choking earlier today helped me to achieve some measure of clarity and peace of mind.

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like complete shit. the fact that lockdown has been extended to july, all csu campuses are gonna be online in the fall semester, and the chance i might not be moving to LB after all REALLY didn't make it any better for me. 

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Very sad and angry because black people keep getting murdered for NO FUCKING REASON. Being black right now seems like a dangerous game and it's very hard for me to deal with the fact that some people out there don't consider my brothers and sisters as human beings. Or the fact that some people can't even be bothered to speak out on our behalf. I just feel so numb.

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19 hours ago, Katniss said:

Very sad and angry because black people keep getting murdered for NO FUCKING REASON. Being black right now seems like a dangerous game and it's very hard for me to deal with the fact that some people out there don't consider my brothers and sisters as human beings. Or the fact that some people can't even be bothered to speak out on our behalf. I just feel so numb.

Black Lives Matter!! You matter, Kat. I'm here for you if you need anything! ❤️

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i am mad that people will post really detailed violent stuff online with no trigger warning or anything ( i can not handle that kind of stuff and when i read it without realizing what it is, it puts these images in my head that i don't want. ) i grew up seeing some stuff like that in real life

the internet can be so shitty sometimes

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Lately, a little anxious. I mean, at this point, I've just learn to accept how crazy the year is. But my problem is, these past few months have been making me realize how truly stupid and ignorant people can be. I've actually had to finally drop some Discord friends I've had for years. 

Though personally, this whole thing is making me realize something about my father. I really don't want to be around him. I mean, for years, I've had to deal with so many outbursts from him, and now, it's coming to a point where I'm finally beginning to learn to tell him to calm down and shut up. HOWEVER, while he hasn't been having much of those (actually maybe that isn't true), he's also a Trump supporter. WITH EVERY CHECKMARK THAT COMES WITH IT.

And the thing is, I spent the past two months with him, away from my other family and my pets. And let me say, I've heard so many of his "opinions". He believes the whole pedo scandal with "TOM HANKS, RBG AND OPRAH", thinks the media makes up everything about Trump (I am not kidding, he thinks hes smart because he PLAYS 3D CHESS), and oh yeah, occasionally drops plenty of F-Slurs (no, not F Bombs). And now, I haven't told him because I don't want to hurt him, but I just want to stay with my other family. The only reason I stayed was because I rarely see him thanks to work (which I still haven't gotten back yet), and now I know he's feeling awfully lonely..but if that's all I'm going to hear from him and he doesn't realize how terrible he sounds, then screw it.

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Conflicted over whether or not I should attend a birthday get-together with a few friends and one of their families in a couple weeks. I suppose there'll only be 10 or less of us there, but these kinds of gatherings have been spelling disaster lately. Yet at the same time, cabin fever is settling in hard.

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Feeling disappointed in myself. Got an evaluation at work that went well, but I got points docked because the person running it thought I wasn't smiling or providing any carryout service, even thought I was doing both things and no one at all can tell under a fucking mask. Grocery stores, man...

 

Beyond that though, life has been boring so far. I'm single, don't have a car, can't get my license 6 months after my last seizure, and I'm living in a conservative household. Life sucks, dammit.

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