Kev vs. Lady Gaga's ARTPOP (The R. Kelly Version)

[kev]

In celebration of our very own @President Squidward's Doomsday, and by our loyal highness's request, I present what was purely an hour effort of:

KEV VS ARTPOP: AN OVERLOOK INSIDE INDIE SINGER LADY GAGA’S “ALBUM OF THE MILLENNIUM” BEFORE HER PROMINENCY IN A STAR IS BORN

PART I: THE INTRO

Spoiler

Running at a whole ass fifty-five minutes, Lady Gaga’s fourth album, styled in all caps, “ARTPOP”, dared to present itself as an experience. Growing up in middle school, I was pretty hyped for what Gagz was holding up her sleeve after holding entertainment industry at ease with her not-so-casual and frequently daring antiques. Including but not limited to an ill-fated app launch that would make Jeremy Renner jealous, ARTPOP was supported by a messy rollout of three singles (Applause, G.U.Y., and Do What U Want), a questionable video consisting of Stefani Germanotta screaming, walking around the woods, hugging a block of ice, all while being fully nude in the woods no less, and a Thanksgiving special of the album featuring RuPaul and The Muppets. The album itself has became a running joke for me to frequently describe another ill-fated clusterfuck of a project manned by SBC's own Tvguy347 (you know what I'm referring to). So here it is, ARTPOP (The R. Kelly Version).

PART II PART 1: THE ALBUM

Spoiler

 

AURA: As one of the track demos that was leaked months in advance before the release date, I was engrossed at how different it was from almost everything I had heard from Gaga. I had great memories about how Gaga tried to curate something that not only showed how talented she is, but that she was also brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before, unafraid to reference or not reference, put it in a blender, shit on it, vomit on it, eat it, give birth to it. The Zedd-produced track, at first, was a bit complicated to even refer to it as a “track”, due to the fact that it doesn’t exactly follow the traditional format of a pop song. That would be the case for most of this album. Deep in the blueprint of the song, there are instances of building up to a drop, reminiscent of how almost every pop star would try to mimic that EDM-like sound (Rihanna, Taylor Swift). While I’m not really fond of Gaga’s sing-talking in the verses, she absolutely shines in the chorus.

VENUS: This galactic-themed song, continuing from recurring themes of sexual undertones (she makes you second-guess if she’s saying “Venus” or “penis”, the world will never know), Greek mythology, and all-around brash production, is no stranger to stans who don’t have Shallow as their favorite Gaga song. The bridge of this track is all-around amazing (supported by the genius lyrics, “URANUS. DON’T YOU KNOW MY ASS IS FAMOUS”). The production of the track, although busy, is much more focused and is in line with the general theme of the track. Hearing every element come forth by the final track is something everyone here needs to experience.

G.U.Y.: Don’t get me started on the music video. Wow. Talk about putting too many ideas on your plate. Another sex-fused song with no idea of what subtle is. I cannot fault her, though. That’s the type of artist Gaga is; one who is as bold and in your face as much as the bass that she presses onto you. You can’t help but to jam out to this track.

SEXXX DREAMS: Ah yes, the Seinfeld song (you’ll know what I’m talking about when you hear the bridge). Here, we take things a bit more, shall I say, swift and . This track is a personal favorite of mine. Her vocal delivery is lusty, with a hint of sneering confidence. It’s not for everyone but this deep cut is, in spirit, a hell of a good time (and a great time for her, of course).

JEWELS N’ DRUGS (FEAT. T.I., TOO SHORT, AND TWISTA): Here, we descend from /r/popheads to /r/hiphopheads. I don’t care what everyone says about this track, it is a clusterfuck of a track that makes great use of every guest verse that you’d never expect on a Gaga track. If you miss “The Fame” Gaga, you’ll most definitely have a kick out of this glitzy-glamor trash of a song.

MANiCURE: Years back wondering why was this track was so insignificant in comparison to the rest of the album, it occured to me now about how this one was actually a precursor to how the rest of Gaga’s career would play out. This guitar riff-infused beauty anthem involves some live drum and band elements that would be more prominent in her later works Joanne and A Star Is Born soundtrack.

DO WHAT U WANT (FEAT. [REDACTED]): It’s a damn shame how tainted this track has become. It is still the best song from this album for me (and perhaps one of the best songs ever from Gaga). It presents an honest perspective (and now ironically disturbing perspective from featured artist [REDACTED]) of how troubling the media is, and how the words of journalism has affected her into a pleading submission in order to be at good arms with fame life. Within this unique perspective onto fame, this is Gaga at her most emotional on this album, something that I think ARTPOP significantly lacked. I’m aware that there is another version with Christina Agulera. But, if you have ever listened to the original, there’s no going back. You can’t possibly deny the chemistry between Gaga and [REDACTED]. That itself should make me question why I still love this song, no matter what.

 

The back part of this write-up will be posted tomorrow, or sometime this week.

[Clappy]

Oh boy.  Part 2.  Where Kevin tackles one of his old favorites that he used to torture me back in 2013.

 

 

[kev]

On 11/5/2019 at 7:44 AM, Clappy said:

Oh boy.  Part 2.  Where Kevin tackles one of his old favorites that he used to torture me back in 2013.

 

 

lol

Spoiler

part 2 not gonna happen 

 

[President Squidward]

I’m sorry man I had like no requests for you but it was still a funny read. Want me to make you review Polymer instead?

[kev]

11 hours ago, President Squidward said:

I’m sorry man I had like no requests for you but it was still a funny read. Want me to make you review Polymer instead?

omg no