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DariaBob JanePants(EP-2 OUT)

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DariaBob JanePants Episode 1: No Brainy Janeys Allowed: A DariaBob JanePants Fic. A reworking of No Weenies Allowed

--------------------------------------------

"So, this is the place that drove The Zon out of business."

Daria and Jane walked towards the entrance of the new club, The Salted Wound. The Zon had fallen on hard times,
and combined with this new club, and The Zons chronic legal troubles, it was simply too much for that ol place.

"The Salted Wound, huh. Sounds like my kind of place. Heard Trent got a gig here."Jane said as she threw a
paper airplane, failing to note that it would fly towards the line of people, hitting someone in the face.
"OUCH. WHO THREW A PAPER AIRPLANE AT ME." A large muscular guy turned around.

"Well Jane, you're on you're own with this one." Daria said, as Jane scooted backwards, hiding behind Darias
coat. After the guy left(presumably to punch someone else) Jane came back out.

The door was guarded by a muscular bouncer, with tattoos on his chest. He stood there, the only thing between
Jane and this club. And a thought began a ticking inside Janes little head.

'Why, if this club can run The Zon out of business, and if Trent can get in, then so can I! Im Jane Lane!'

And so, with this thought in her head, Jane walked forward. The bouncer spoke.

"Welcome to The Salted Wound, how tough are you?"

"Since when was toughness a legally binding term?" Jane said, a blank look on her face.

"Ever since the boss told me to stop checking ages when people came in?" Daria and Jane looked at each other.

"Isn't that illegal, Mr...?"

"Reginald, call me Reg, and, ah, uh, the uh....the thing about that is...uhhh.....ho how HOW TOUGH ARE YOU?"

Daria and Jane glanced at one another, shrugged, and Jane stepped back to allow Daria to approach.

"How tough arrrrrr..........you?" Reg started, but was cut off as Daria stared at him. It was a cold, unfeeling
stare, and the longer you looked at it, the more you could see, nothing but death, misery, emptyness, the fires
of hell a glowing, burning brighter and brighter, as Daria leaned in closer, and closer, until.....

"Ah, alright miss, you can go in, welcome." Reg shivered slightly as she walked by, turned to him, and said..

"Good. A wise choice." And she walked in without another word.
Then Jane stepped up. And stared.

Nothing happened.

"Yeah, that ain't gonna work this time, your stare dosen't have that.......thing, to it."

Jane disagreed. "OH COME ON, JUST LET ME IN, PLEASE!" Jane was getting awfully antsy.

"Hmm.......can you open this jar of pickles?"

"YOU BET I CAN!" Jane shouted, as she tried to open it.

Key word is tried. She tried alright, but she couldn't get it.

"Just....uggggh, just give me minute. Uhh, maybe I could try throwing this garden rock....maybe, I could-"

"Uhh, yeah, I think you geek types are better suited to go over there." he pointed across the street, towards..
"PIZZA FOREST?!? ARE YOU SAYING I SHOULD BE IN PIZZA FRICKING FOREST?!? But he cut Jane off "Um, no. I was
actually pointing over there." and he redirected her to where he was pointing. "FUZZY WUZZY PIZZA FOREST!!!
ARE YOU FRICKING SHITTING ME!"

"So unless you think you can fight me......."

CUT TO PIZZA FOREST. Jane is miserable, sitting across from Ted and some chubby nerd girl he was with.

"Well, hows your collection coming."

"I managed to get the original, huh huh, print."

"Sweet, you know, back in 1989, they-"

"I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS, IM GONNA THINK OF A PLAN, MARK MY WORDS, AND I WON'T SLEEP TIL I DO!" Jane said,
running out the door.

"You can't hide from yourself forever Jane! Accept your inner geek!" Shouted Ted, as Jane ran off screaming
into the night.

-----------------

"Hey Jane, I came over to watch Sick Sad World and ohhhhh....... what the hell are you doing?"

Jane was staring at her computer, sucking back a jumbo mug of coffee, and chowing down on her second box of
Pizza, her eyes were purple and strained, her stomach pooched out, and her arms were shaking. A bunch of tabs
were open, The Salted Wounds website, a page on not being a geek, a page on toughness, Andreas blog, etc."

"Jane, what drugs did you take and why?" Asked Daria as Jane turned around.

"I WILL GET INTO THE SALTED WOUND OR DIE TRYING!" Jane said, as she went to pull on her coat.

"The latter option, then? Really Jane, I think you may have gotten a wee bit obsessed, and by a wee bit, I m-"

But Jane has already ran out the door, cackling madly.

"So she finally lost it.....I must be trying too hard."

---------------------
It was late at night in Lawndale, Reginald was working the late shift, when all of a sudden....

"REGINALD, I DEMAND ENTRANCE TO YOUR CLUB!!!!!!!! IF I CAN'T GO TO THE ZON, I'M GOING TO THIS BLOODY CLUB."

"Sorrrry Jane Lame, but unless you can give me a good reason to let you in...."

"Rej, dis gurl be given yaz trooble?" One of the other bouncers had came by, a scottish bloke,who had heard the
commotion.

"Yeah she is reeeally a.....hey where did she go?" They turned to see Jane desperatly trying to get out of the
grasp of another bouncer, a large woman with stubble. She had almost made it through the door, and she fought
on.

"Let go of me or I swear I'll yell rape so loudly the-"

"You know I'm a woman, right?" asked the bouncer, with a deep voice, sounding like she had heard it all before,
as she lifted Jane upwards.

"Hey, Lesbian rape is a thing too ya know, and I should know, considering I- AHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....!!!!!!!
Jane screamed as she went rolling down the nearby hill. The scruffy lady seemed displeased.

"Ugh, amateurs. Reg you couldn't stop a runaway toddler if you tried."
--------------
"Let me guess, you couldn't get in?" Teds nerd friend(who Jane had learned was named Dani) asked Jane, though
the answer was pretty obvious, she was looking down and shoving pizza in her face haphazardly.

"I will get it, they can't keep me out, I'm Jane Lane, I will get in, they can't ke ke keep me out, I'm-"

"Jane? You don't sound so good, you need to quit while your ahead."

"Yeah, and not dead." Ted added, chuckling in a nasally way.

"I can't believe It didn't work, I spent all night working on ideas, thinking of plan after plan after...."

"Yeah, you definitely need to quit this Jane. Its flat out unhealthy. Look at your eyes, they show signs of
severe sleep deprivation" Ted stated, as Dani smirked. " Look on the bright side Jane, with you spending your
days researching topics, combined with your recent weight gain, you'll be a shoe in to join our little group!"

"IM NOT LIKE THAT, I....wait, who told you I gained weight I didn't gain weight, I'm a runner!"

"She did." Dani said, pointing to the booth behind her, where Daria was sitting, Mona Lisa smile on her face.

"The only running you've done this week is running the pizza guy rampant. That, and the internet bill."

"Daria, I trusted you, and here you are betraying me, selling out my heart mind and soul to the highest
bidder! I'll have to kill you for this, you know?"

"Now thats the Jane I know............and you know I can't resist making you suffer, its far too much fun, see
the immense pleasure pouring off my face." Her expression remained blank. "I was worried the fat insomniac had
taken over your soul for good."

"I'm not fat, and I'm not an insomniac, I'm just taking some time off from sleeping, that's all."

Ted spoke first. "You need sleep Jane. Rem sleep is crucial to neurological function. Without it, you're
neurological capacity, capibility, and grasp on reality will slip until you are nothing more then a caffeine
zombie. Quite similar to those two characters Daria described to me in one of our prior conversations, Begriss
and Bunkbed, if I recall."

"It's Beavis and Butthead. Their mother was high at the time." Daria added monotonously.

Then, Dani spoke "Sure, maybe your not fat yeeeet. But you're getting nice and portly Jane, a few more weeks
of pigging out like this, and soon one day you'll wake up with a double chin, thick thighs, a spare tire and
a bubble butt to boot. Then you'll just be BEGGING to join our little posse, and you'll spend the rest of your
life eating pizza and playing DnD with us, just sitting around on your fat butt all day indoors. Teeheehee, I
can't wait." Dani said with a smirk.

"You, are a sick sad little woman, and you have my pity." Jane said, getting a smile of approval from Daria.

"Glad to see the Trent genes haven't fully assimilated you." Daria said,knowing it was gonna tick Jane off.

"Whats that supposed to mean."

"Come on Jane, the lack of sleep, you're new nap routine, the pudge, the caffine, it's all very clear to be
your slowly becoming Trent 2.0, those lane genes can't be repressed forever Jane. You can't change who you
are."

"Wow, you really do like making me suffer." Then, a light bulb went off in Janes head. a "Wait....changing who
I am, THAT'S IT!!!!" Jane shouted, as she once more ran off into the night. Daria spoke first.

"I guess the fashionnazis brainwashing finally kicked in and shes getting that nose job?" Daria said, smirking.

"I think she's going to the rainbow wig store across the street, either that or the art store." Suddenly,
Dani had a thought. "Say.....are you and Jane....you know......together?"

Daria thought for a moment.

"That is not my recollection."

-------------------------------
Reg was at the club that night, once again working the same hard shifts(damn bills) when someone approached.

"Welcome to The Salted Wound." Reg said, mostly out of habit, when he looked closer at the visitor. "Wait..."

"Hows it shaking my man?" The young woman asked, she looked like Jane Lane, except in all black, with wilder
and longer hair, with a bit more brown in it.

"I know it's you Jane."

"Hmm, think you've mistaken me for someone else, I'm one Janet V McCoppin, just blew into town, heard this
club was so tough it scared away the competition." She said, pointing to The Zon. "I wanted to, check it out."

"Yeah Jane you ain't fooling me with that disguise." And with that, Reg leaned in and tried to rip off the
wig. It didn't come off.

"Huh?"

Suddenly someone else walked in, who looked exactly like Jane Lane, but with face paint on, and a reversed
shirt and pant color.

"Hey, what is of going onz?" Jane said, using a poor russian accent."I want to enter youringz your of club. I
am knowning as da Janesky Lanesky. Yeah."

Reg looked back at Janet, tried to fix her hair, and then awkwardly stepped back. "Sorry about that, you can go
in Janet." Reg looked at her sheepishly, and she walked in, giving him a death glare back.

"As for you, JANE-SKI..." Reg picked her up, and tossed her over the hill once more.

"I'LL BE BAAAAAAAAAACK!"

Regs Scottish friend appeared "Yee getting da hand of dis Reg."

"Nice new hat Anguiss."
--------------------
"Ugh, not again." Jane moaned, rubbing her sore head as she got back on her feet, her atrophied muscles aching.
Two nearby guys seemed upset by her arrival. Two....familiar guys.

"Hey, heh heh, this is our spot to get chicks, heh heh."

"Shut up Beavis....heh huh......that is a chick."

"Hey....heh heh, you wanna, like, score with us?"

Jane ran off into the night faster then you could say "Holy Cornholio"

"This sucks, huhuh, we were supposed to score with diarrhea, not this, huh huh, lesbian chick. I want diarrhea"

"Shut up Beavis, huh uh, shes mine."
--------------------

"Okay Jane, the first step is admitting you have a problem." Ted asked, as Jane walked in once more.

"I'm gonna get in, I'm gonna get in, if it's the last thing I do.......I will.....I will." Daria jumped in.

"Okay, Lane look, I don't like to get all emotional, but you're seriously starting to concern me... all of
this, for what? To get into some cheap nightclub? Jane, It's not worth it, just......wait....please dont tell
me you used lead paint???"

Janes blood ran cold. "Uhhh...........I.....don't.....know. I just kinda grabbed at paint and poured in on."

"I'm just gonna assume that either everything is fine, or you'll be dead in a week." Daria replied.

Ted and Dani seemed more concerned. "Lead is a deadly neurotoxin, it will ruin your brain!!!" Ted spoke as
Dani followed "Not to mention your appetite, lead is no good."

"Guys, Gals, emotionless husks, don't worry, I'm fiiiinnnnne, the only thing is wrrroooong is that I can't
get into that cluuuuubb. I waaaaaannt in. I wwwaaaant in in innnnn!" Jane started whining again as Daria spoke.

"Ok, seriously Jane, just stop this madness, you haven't slept in days, and you're starting to sound like
Tiffany."

This, was the final straw.

"Thats It, I give up, I'm beating up the next guy I see!" Jane said, storming out, as Daria, a slight feeling
of empathy making its way up, chased after her.

"Jane, Jane, no need to go kill yourself, The school year hasn't even started yet." Daria said, as Janes
expression suddenly changed, a wide grinchy grin taking over her face. "Jane? Whatever idea has entered your
head, I have a feeling it wil-"

"DARIA, FOLLOW ME! QUICKLY!"

-----------------------

"So, whats your grand plan exactly?" Daria asked, concerned about the ammount of emotion on Janes face.

"Oh Daria, It's so simple...I...HEY REG, LOOK OVER HERE! ITS ME, JANE! IM ABOUT TO KICK SOME ASS!"

Daria's face went pale "Uhh....Jane, please tell me your referring to someone else...."

"Come on Daria, help a girl out, It'll be eeeeeeaaasy. Uhh....I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS MISS NERD GIRL. HA."
Reg looked over towards Jane.
"Jane, no need for senseless fisticuffs, we should just......." But she was cutoff. "I SAID,
YOUR GOING DOWN, YA TIMID GEEK!"

Something snapped.

"Ti....Timid?" Daria's eye was twitching, and even in her sleep deprived state, Jane was concerned.

"Daria?"

"NOBODY CALLS ME TIMID!!!!!!!" Daria screamed, pulling a knife out of her pocket and charging at jane........
....failing to notice the large garden rock Jane had left behind prior, tripping over it, and falling over a
nearby ledge, rolling down a hill towards a small neighborhood.

"ACH, OOO, UGH, ACK, MY LEG, MY EYES, MY FACE, OUCH, OOCH, AHH...........ugh....where am I?"

Reg walked up to Jane, who was staring at Daria in shock and awe. "Wow.....you really messed up that timid
chick, didn't you?"

"I....I did?" Jane said, still in a state of shock, concerned for her friends health(in more ways then one)

"I can't believe I'm saying this..........but..........come on in. Welcome to The Salted Wound!"

"Wait.....I made it.......I MADE IT! WOOHOO, YEAH MOFOS, JANE IS IN. YEAH!!!!" Jane screamed, all concern for
Daria vanishing as her multiday quest reached its zenith. Jane sprinted in the door, seeing all the booze, and
the lights, and the smoke, and, and..............failing to see the wet floor sign.
------------------

When Jane came to, all she could see was a white roof. She was in an ambulance.

"Ugh, what happened?"

"You appear to have taken quite a fall. According to one Andrea you slipped on a wet floor and hit your head
preeettty hard. Are you feeling okay?"

"Ugh...my head....hahah....least I showed those geeks......I'm Jane......Lane....ugh.........."

"Geeks, huh? Hmm..... >:) ..well, since your technically a minor, and we reeeaaally should get you to a
hospital quickly, we'll be taking you to the closest hospital available, riiiight over there."

Jane looked out the window, her arms weak.

"FUZZY WUZZY CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL FOR FUZZY WUZZY WITTLE KIDS?!?!?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Edited by Slam Lord BBBB
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2 minutes ago, Patty Rose said:

"The board requires you to be registered and logged in to view this forum."
:(

Yeah, should have probably warned yee.

 

You might wanna sign up, its free. I'll have No Brainy Janeys posted here soon enough, formatting needs to be fixed

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2 minutes ago, Patty Rose said:

Please don't double post Slam.

Doh, ok.

 

You think I should edit the first post so its episode 1, then delete the episode 1 post.

 

Yeah im doing that

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Episode 2:

 

Jane's Procrastination:

It was a fine day at Laaawndale High, well, maybe not fine. The weather was pretty shite.

That's not the point. The point is Daria and Jane were walking and Daria was speaking to Jane about the week.

"The week was more hellish then usual without you helping me maintain my will to live Jane."

Jane Replied "Trust me, I had my own brand of hell this past week amiga."

"Concussion recovery that bad? You do look a bit thicker"

"Nah, the concussion wasn't too bad once I could sleep, that entire hospital was a happy hell hole of joy and
colorful pleasantness. I think I dropped a dozen IQ points when I was there. When I close my eyes all I can
see is pink."

"That's because of light."

"Oh........right. So, what fresh hell did life dump onto you?"

"Well, the loss of your business cut the Pizza Kings profit by 15%, Ms Barch blamed "evil muscle men" at
the club for your injury, O'Neil balled his eyes out, and I spent as much time as possible in my room. Sadly
my supply of pizza ran out, so I was forced to make a deal with the devil for some more. One of my better deals"

"Ehh, sounds about right. I assume you found a way to keep your soul, that is, if you had one to start with."

"I confess, I do indeed have a soul. My shame is truly immense. Thankfully, I don't lose my soul as long as I
don't fi-"

"Good for you, Amiga. Anyway, what's your plan for that assignment, "800 words about happiness?"

"Attempt to figure out what this 'happiness' you speak of is. It is sadly not in my vast vocabulary."

Jane laughed "You always know how to make me smile Amiga. Truly it is a devious art."

The two of them walked into Thee Morgendorffer Residence. The main room appeared to be empty. Daria spoke,
"My parental units aren't currently home, and so long as we don't utilize the telephone Quinn should stay out
of our hair. I've got something for you, consider it not a gift, but a bribe to not go insane from your pink
overexposure at the hospital. Help yourself to some food that isn't sterilized."

Daria left the room to get the 'gift', as Jane dug through the Fridge.

"Lasagna, lasagna, raw lasagna, green lasagna, pink lasagna, lasagna and meatballs, soda, OJ, purple stuff,
sunny deight, magic 8 ball, gremlin, green pizza, eh, not that hungry, pizza crust, Pizza, hey Pizza! Yes!"

Jane pulled out the Pizza.

"Hmmm, a piece of paper that says "DO NOT TOUCH" and another that says-Ah what the hell I'm eating it anyway."

NOMNOMNOM. UUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPP.

"Hmm.....wonder if she has any ice cream in here."

Just then, Daria walked back into the room, carrying some paint.

"Here you go, thought you might want to make up for lost time. Don't worry, none of them are pink. Wouldn't
want to trigger any flashbacks of the Big Scary Pink Hospital, now would we?"

Jane smirked. "Thanks me Amiga, knew I could trust you. I should probably get back to me casa, before Trent
burns the house down and sleeps through it."

Daria gave a smile"And I should probably stop disrespecting the colour pink before Pope Sandi orders a crusade."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jane walked into Casa de Lane, passing Trent.

"Sleeping as usual I see."

She then walked up to her desk.

"Okay, time to start writing." She stared at the paper. Staring. Nothing happened. "I said, It's time to write."

Nothing.

"Come on brain, this is what I pay you for...........What do you mean I don't pay you? Hey, don't use that
language with me brain. I know where we keep the alcohol, I can nuke you to dust anytime."

Trent walked into the room. "Hey Janey, do you know where theeeeee..."

"YOU HERE THAT BRAIN? I BROUGHT YOU INTO THIS WORLD, I CAN BRING YOU OUT OF IT."

Trent blinked, and turned around, walking right out of the room.

"Ok fine brain you win, I'll try to get more sleep, but....WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M FAT???? I SWEAR BRAIN I'M GONNA-"

--------------------------------------------

"I HAVE A CAN OF PAINT AND I'M NOT AFRAID TOO.......wait.....what time is it? Holy shit 5-o-Clock, I need to
start writing. Hmmmmm............ Maybe a quick run would give me some ideas. Yeah, a run."

Jane walked up to the door, opening it when....

"Hey, hehehe, hey artsy chick, ya wanna like, hehe, score with us?"

Jane slammed the door faster then you could say "T.P. for my bunghole".

SLAM.

"Shut up Beavis, you like, scared her off."

"No, hehe, maybe we should just, like, find Diarrhea, I mean, hehe, she's like, cool."

"Well maybe if you didn't, haha, blow all our bus money, hehe, blow, hehe."

Jane walked back towards her desk with a twenty yard stare. "Okay, maybe now's not a good time to run. I need
to write. Ok, focus, must write words, must start writing, must-"

"Hey Janey."

Or that could work. "Hey Trent, any interesting dreams? Anything new happening, spare no detail no matter how
long and tedious."

Trent smirked a devious smirk, he knew what Jane was doing, and he was gonna have a little fun.

"Well, I DID have this dream where you met Squidward Tentacles, and went to his bedroom, and then you-"

"Nope Nope Nope, land of 10000 nopes, I'll stop you right there Trent, you look tired, go to sleep, rest!" she
shouted, as she practically pushed Trent out of her room.

"Fine, but you should reallllly clear you internet history Janey-"

"I SAID GO TO SLEEP TRENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Trent followed orders, he had had his fun. "BTW, Daria dropped by while you were threatening to show your brain
nothing but Vin Diesel movies for a week. She made a joke about the asylum looking for you, then told me to
give you this Ultra Cola, said your brain needed the boost. I would have told you earlier, but I fell asleep."

As Trent walked away, Jane thought to herself.

'I should really figure out how to clear that before Daria finds anything blackmail worthy.'

---------------------------------

"And, cleared. Whew, crisis averted. That only took me..... 9 O CLOCK????? Shit shit shit, got to work, got to
work."

And with that, Jane started to work.

"Ok, lets see, let's just start with 'I', plenty I can put over that. I...wait, this is the big start, the epic
opening, I need to give it a little pizzazz. Hehe, pizzazz. Maybe just a slight italic look, or some-"

--------------------------------------
1 HOUR LATER.
--------------------------------------

"And done. Mission accomplished."

She had indeed done it. She had drawn perhaps the most fancy letter 'I' anyone had ever seen. All sorts of
fancy stylizations and such. Just the letter I, though, nothing less, nothing more.

"Break Time! Whoo boy all that work tired me out, I deserve a break. Hmm....maybe I can Daria, see what she's
up to."

Jane went to dial the phone, Daria's number was practically muscle memory.

"I'm sorry, but the number cannot be completed as..."

"GODDAMN IT. Stupid phone lines. Hmm....guess I could call Jodie." Jane pondered the thought, and reached for
the buttons once more."

BEEP BEEP BOOP BEEP BOOP BOOP BOP.

"Hello, this is Jodie, why the hell are you calling me at this hour?"

"Hey Jodie, this is Jane Lane, how are you doooooiiing?"

Unseen to Jane, Jodie slapped her hand her face.

"Jane, we both know your just wasting time so you don't have to write your essay."

Jane blinked, then got pissed. "WHAT? BUT, BU, WHASH, THA, THAT IS NOT TRUE. I CALLED TO HAVE A INTERESTING
CONVERSATION!!!"

"Well I'm listening."

"Uhhh.........sorry Jodie, But, I'm driving thro- unnel, you-reaking up, signal-ad, got- o!" SLAM.

Jodie blinked. " She's never finishing that essay." and then she went back to sleep.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Darn Jodie, should have known I couldn't trust her. Heh, probably in league with Li. Hmm, wonder if these
pretzels are still edible?" Jane wondered, as she tried munching on one.

CRACK.

"Bleh, COUGH COUGH, oh my god that's hard as rock, NEED, WATER, AGHH!!!" Jane screamed in faux-drama.

Jane promptly ran to the sink, stuck her head under the tap, and turned it on. Nothing happened.

"Oh right....forgot we didn't pay that bill yet."

Just then, Trent walked in.

"Little overly dramatic Janey?" asked Trent, leaning in the door.

"What do you mean over dramatic?" Jane said, in full denial mode. "Have you been talking to Jodie.All that
panic sure made me hungry though. Maybe I should have some sort of snack, Trent?"

"I can see where this is going. I'm hitting the hay Janey. Goodnight." Trent said as Jane walked into the
kitchen. "Let's see, pizza, pizza, where is my pizza?" Jane mumbled as she looked for where she had left her
Microwave pizza, she still had some deep dish pizza left over from what Daria had nick-named 'The Salted Wound
Shenanigans' or as Jane called it 'Some stupid muscle jerk keeping me out of the club'. Just then, she found
her pizza, in the top shelf inbetween a holiday mug(for columbus day, no less) and some Thal-Rat.

"The Pizza has been obtained. Next stop, drink city."

Jane peeked her head inside the fridge, trying to avert her attention from the jungle of Fungi and Bacteria
growing inside, the less one thinks about the horrific beasts lurking amomgst their blue furry food, the better.

"Jackpot." she said, grabbing the soda Daria had given her, and some ice(when it was restocked, the world may
never know) as she walked to the microwave, putting in her pizza, and taking a swig of soda. As she waited
for the pizza to finish, she heard the doorbell ring.

"Hmm, wonder who could be on the borders of Casa de lane? Napoleon? Hitler? Kurt Cobain?" Jane wondered, as
she walked up to the door. It was the mailman, coming to deliver something.

"Hello?" Jane asked the mailman, as he reached into his bag and pulled out a package.

"Package for Ms. Lane"

"Thanks, I guess.....Hey It's from Penny!" She said.

"Do your Essay." Janes blood ran cold.

"Wha....what did you say?"

The Mailman responded "I said 'what did you say' Ms. Lane?"

Jane breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh uh, nothing. tha thank you." Jane replied, walking inside and closing the
door.

"I really need to get more sleep.............." Jane mumbled to herself. "Well, let's see what Penny sent me."

-----------------------------------------------

She sat the box on the table, plopped her butt onto the couch, and started opening the box, when suddenly the
TV turned on, startling Jane. She turned over, she had just sat on the remote. "Whew." and Jane got back to
work, when suddenly the TV changed, as did It's topic.

"And in other news, local artist Jane Lane, has only a few hours left to complete her essay, yet she continues
to goof off." Suddenly, the news person leaned out of the TV, and grabbed Jane by the shoulders, shaking her.

"WHEN WILL SHE LEARN!!!!!!!!!" He said, shaking Jane around, until she snapped out of it and kicked in the TV.

'Breathing Deeply' "Wha...What the fuck..." Jane said, when suddenly she heard a voice. It was her couch.

"Hey Jaaaaaaaaanne, come on, take a seat, put up your feet and reelllaaaaax..." Jane stepped back, a look of
horror on her face. "What the fuck what the fuck WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!" Jane stammered, stuttering in fear.

DING. DONG. DING. DONG.

"Oh no......MIDNIGHT!!!!!!!!" Jane shouted, suddenly forgetting about the talking couch, and running back
towards her desk. And run she did, for no matter how far she ran, the desk kept getting further and further
away, Jane ran as fast as she could, feeling the wind in her face, yet the desk seemed so far, the flicking
color of the walls dancing around her, the cacaphony of noise echoing around her. Finally, after what seemed
like years of running, she approached the desk, it seemed so big, yet she had made it. Except.

"Papers please." A border crossing had suddenly appeared at the base of her desk.

"What the hell, since when do I need a passport to....what....ALISON? What are you doing here?"

"Oh, I'm not Alison, I'm just assuming her form. I'm actually your sub-conscious. I'm here to help you out."

"HOW THE HELL CAN YOU OF ALL PEOPLE HELP ME"

"First off, rude, second, business or pleasure. Third, I'm going to help you learn about yourself."

"Yeah I don't have time for this, let me through or I'll kill you."

Faux-Alison blinked. "Welp, can't argue with that. Don't wanna get fired. Come on in, just lay off the drugs."

"I haven't taken any drugs!"

"Sure you haven't Jane, sure you haven't. Also, don't trust Dani, she wants you for your body!"

"IM NOT GAY!!!!!!" And with that, Jane got past the border, and back to her desk.

"I made it........I can finally get back to work." But just as she grabbed her pencil, and started to write....

"Wait a second........WHERE ARE MY PANTS? AND MY SHIRT?????" Jane suddenly asked, realizing she was in her
underwear.

"Yoo-Hoo, down here!"

Jane looked down. There they were! Her clothes! They thought they could run off without her, eh? Well, she'd
show them, they needed her! So she hopped off the desk, and chased after he clothes, as they fled down a
hall of fickering colors.

"YOU GET BACK HERE, I NEED YOU, YOU'RE NOTHING WITHOUT ME CLOTHES!!!!!!!!!! COME BACK HERE!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Freedom!" The clothes shouted, as they ran out the door, into the technicolor stars of the night.

"CLOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTHHHHES!!!!!!!" Jane screamed as she attempted to chase after them, but they flew into the
sky and into the giant flicking color wheel in the sky. "No.......I need you clothes....You're my identity."

SLAM. The door slammed shut, as Jane quickly doubled back to try to get back inside, but the door was locked
tight.

Attempting to look in the window to see who closed the door, Jane leaned in. The clock on the wall began
spinning rapidly, hours flying by, until the clock exploded into a ball of cinder and ash, setting the carpet
on fire. As the debris cleared, an angry floating demonic face hung its in place. The face was Mr O'Neils.

"TIIIIIIIMMMMMMES UP JAAAAAANNNE LAAAAANNNE!" Jane began shaking violently, as she watched the fire on the
floor grow legs, walk over to her desk, and pick up her essay.

"Only 799 more words to go! MWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The beast laughed as it torched her essay
, then it dissapated, turning into a fireball that quickly engulfed most of the room, including Trent, who
despite all this was still sleeping soundly, mumbling to himself. "tuuuurn down the heat, grandma.." he said
as he turned in his sleep, the fire completely overtaking him.

"NO, TRENT, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, TRENT, TRENT, TRRRREEEEEEEEENNNNNNNT!!!!!!!!!!! NO.......nooo." Jane said, a
tear rolling down her cheek. Suddenly, a voice appeared to her. "Jane."

She looked up, it was Daria, steppin oout of the fireball that was Janes room, completely covered in flames.
Daria walked right up to the window, staring right into Janes soul, even her eyes looked as though they were
on fire. She then spoke, with an echo.
"Probably shouldn't have bought all that paint thinner, eh Jane, jane, jane, ja-ne, jaaaaane." A wall of fire
completely engulfed the window, blocking any view inside. Jane grabbed her hair, tears rolling, and screamed.

"AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT HAVE I DONE? HELP! HELP! SOMEONE HELP ME! MY HOUSE IN ON FIRE!!!! SOMEONE HELP,
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MOM, DAD, PENNY, ANYONE, SOMEONE HELP ME, EVERYTHING IS FALLING APART!!"

"Jane" Suddenly another voice cut her off. Jane looked up, it was Casa de Lane itself, speaking to her.
Jane stepped back in complete terror.

"Jane. Why? Why did you set me on fire Jane. WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST WRITE YOUR ESSAY!!!!! WHY?!?! STOP WASTING
TIME!!!!!!!!! HEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLPPPPPP!!!!!!" The house screamed as it jumped out of its foundations, opened its
door mouth, a wall of pure fire behind it, and began moving towards Jane.

Jane, snapped.

"AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! HELP HELP HELP ME, MY HOUSE IS GONNA EAT ME, AHAHAHEYYHRJHSHJVJDKGOIGOIEVFOUIES!!!!!!!"

Jane continued screaming as she ran down the endless hall of colors, her house tailing right behind her.

-------------------------------------------------------

Daria watched intently as she stared, looking into her binoculors, watching as Jane ran down her street in
nothing, but her bra and panties, screaming bloody murder, and babbling incoherently about her house coming
to eat her.

Daria whispered to herself,"Looks like Operation Jane-Insane was a complete success." and it indeed had been.
Her plan to give Jane soda she had personally spiked with LSD had been a complete success.

As Jane turned the corner, and several neighbors lights turned on, Daria gave a light mona lisa smile.

la la LA la la

-------------------------------------------------------------

"Ugggggggghh. What the hell happened last night?"

Jane opened her eyes, struggling to do so. She looked back and forth. "This isn't Casa da Lane......"

As Jane looked around, she suddenly realized. "Wait.....wh....why am I in the middle of the street?"

"And....why....wait...WHY AM I IN MY UNDERWEAR!?! EEP! AHHHGG!!!!" Jane stuttered as she ran towards her house.

Charles was walking by, on his way to school. As Jane ran past him, he blinked, then he blinked again. Then he
pulled out his phone and dialed a number.

"Yeah, Dr. Millipieds? It's Charles. I think I'm hallucinating bikini clad woman again. 7 tonight? See you then."

---------------------------------------------------------------

After managing to get her coat back on, Jane went to find her essay. And she did......buuuuuuuuuut.......

"I........wow, never got past I. Wonder what time it i-9 O CLOCK????? IM GONNA BE LATE!!!!!!!!!!!"

And Jane ran to get to school on time, running as fast as she could, failing to realize it was Saturday, as It
had been a weekend assignment. She also failed to realize she had failed to put on pants.

THE END.

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