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Tyrion Lannister

My Leg!: The Remastered Edition

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In honor of the ten year anniversary of spin-offs on TV.com and later here on SBC, I've decided to remaster/make my original spin-off series on here: My Leg!: The Adventures of Fred the Fish. This series followed Fred the Fish in a radically different Bikini Bottom from what we're used to. Watch as Fred looks to uncover the secrets of this new Bikini Bottom along with other zany adventures along the way.

(Original Series listed at the end if you wanna a primer/see how I've evolved in the last eight years)

This series won't be simply a reposting, but so much more! Featuring:

  • Longer episodes
  • More detailed, fleshed out scenes
  • One completely rewritten episode
  • New characters
  • And so much more!

Episodes post every Thursday evenings (7 PM) beginning September 6th.

Spoiler

 

 

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Episode 1: Fred Returns

As the taxi cab drove down the empty kelp road, Fred the fish couldn’t help but fidget around in his seat. The driver up front took notice from his mirror.

“Hey buddy, you good?”

“Yeah, just kinda antsy.” Fred said. “A lot has changed for me since the last time I was here.”

The cab driver nodded. “I understand the feelin’ man. Say I know you said you to take you to Bikini Bottom, but any particular place?”

“To be truthful, I don’t… I’m on my own for the time being.” Fred said solemnly. “If you need a place, just take me to the old Krusty Krab. May as well get something to eat before the hard stuff comes along.”

The cab driver had a look on his face that resembled anxiety and anguish simultaneously. “Wait, do you not know? About four years ago?”

“What happened?” Fred asked. “It must’ve happened after I left for New Kelp City."

The cab driver had his mouth open as if he was about to speak, but then thought twice of it. “You know what, it was hard enough for me to believe it and I was here when it happened. I’ll take ya there and you see for yerself.”

After this, the driver goes silent and gives off a glum feeling, while Fred is enticed in his own thoughts about how he’ll manage his life back home in Bikini Bottom. After about twenty minutes or so, the driver pulls the cab over and Fred steps out.

“Good luck with everything man.” He says, beginning to sob as he drives off.

-------

As Fred looks around the area, he sees a moldy, decrepit looking building. There's a bright orange sign that reads ABANDONED on it in big bold letters. In the back alley where the trash was, there were packs of sea rats eating away at the mold and other items. In the trash can there's a giant signboard with missing pieces. The sign reads "K__us__ K_ab"

“Good King Neptune…. What the hell happened to this place?” Fred asked as he fell to his knees. “WHAT HAPPENED?”

As he finished screaming, a screeching sound thrashed his ears. It was the kind of sound that reminded Fred of those time the doctors had to insert a splint in his leg.

“Who’s there?” He shouted at no one in particular. “I guess it was ju-“

Suddenly a hooded figure dashed right past Fred and out into the nearby wilderness. Fred fell back on to his butt, once again shocked by what was happening. As he took note of the area around him, he noticed a man across the street working on a sign in front of a building.

“SIR I NEED HELP!” Fred cried out. “THERE WAS SOMEONE IN THAT BUILDING OVER THERE AFTER ME!”

“Hello welcome to the Gum Bucket, home of the Gum Burger! May I take yo- Oh wait Mr. Plankton said I don’t work at the register anymore.” The pink man said. “In fact, he said not to speak to ANYONE at all!”

Fred stood looking confusedly at the pink man. “Excuse me, but who even are you?”

“Oh me? I’m Patrick Star and currently I'm working on a new slogan for the Gum Bucket.” Patrick said as he painted on a piece of dark blue cardboard. “Right now, I got "Gum is Dum"! No wait, Mr. Plankton said not use that one.” Patrick threw the paint brush and punched the cardboard. “Dammit! This is so hard to do!”

“… Mr. Plankton?” Fred asked perplexedly. “Like the Plankton who used to own the Chum Bucket?”

“Yeah the same!” Patrick exclaimed. “Incredible how he turned it all around isn’t it?”

“But what happened to the Krusty Krab then?” Fred asked. “It was always miles ahead of the Chum Bucket and thats if I was being kind about it.”

“W-Well… Maybe- “Patrick began before being interrupted.

“Maybe you can come in and see why I’m so ahead of the game!” A small voice said from below. And lo behold was Plankton, dressed up in a suit and tie. “Plankton, founder and owner of the Gum Bucket!”

Patrick jumped up in fright. “Mr. Plankton sir your majesty! I’ve been w-w-working for the last few hours, but I still haven’t really come up with much! I’m so sorry!”

“It’s all cool Pat. How about you just take the rest of the day off? Hell, just take forever off I’d say!” Plankton said coldly.

“D-Did you just fire me?” Patrick asked.

“Yessir I did. Now please take yourself out of the area while I attend to

Fred then decided to enter the Gum Bucket and was amazed at what he saw. Many people eating gum products. Gum Burgers, Gum Fries, Gum Rings, in a nice old times western-like atmosphere. And then, out of nowhere, Plankton appeared before him.

“Well pardner, how’s about you try a Gum Burger?” Plankton asked forcefully. “Miles better than the best Krabby Patty ever was!”

The crowd cheered in unison at this remark. Fred nervously scratched the back of his neck.

“No thanks. Plankton, how in the world did you turn it all around?” Fred asked.

“Well it was four years ago. During the melancholy that follows failed plans to obtain the secret formula, I ended up stepping into a huge wad of gum! As I laid stuck in this piece of gum, I realized the. And for the past four years, I've had virtually no competition!”

“It probably helped that the Krusty Krab got shut down just around that time now didn’t it?” Fred asked quizzically. “Since it was pretty just you two going at it.”

“My my, I’m surprised you know that much.” Plankton said, his tone much more aggravated then before. “But that’s part of business: the rise of a great new restaurant empire, such as myself, as others such as that old fart Krabs fall into pieces!”

Fred continued to have a skeptical look on his face, which continued to put Plankton in a worse mood. “Now I don’t take kindly to loiterers: get food or leave!”

“Alright, see you later then Plankton.” Fred said as he walked out the front door. "Don't worry, I got more then enough customers now!" Plankton shouted back.

As Fred left several questions circled his mind: The success of Plankton just as the Krusty Krab was closed: could it be just a great coincidence? Who was that mysterious person in the alleyway earlier? But most importantly, where was he going to live for the time being? Well thankfully, he had answer to that question as he began using a payphone in Bikini Bottom square.

“Hello operator, could you get me the contact information for a Mr. Patrick Star?”

--------------------

TUNE IN SEPTEMBER 13TH AT 7 PM FOR THE NEXT EPISODE!

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Episode 2: Good Job Hunting

Patrick Star was sitting in his comfy sand chair at home when the doorbell rang, echoing throughout his rock. Opening the door, he saw a familiar face.

“Oh hey, you’re the guy from the Chum Bucket the other day.” Patrick said to Fred. “How did you find out where I lived?”

“I called the directory and they told me you lived under a rock.” Fred said. “The only rock in town in fact.”

“Oh, that makes sense. So, what brings you here?” Patrick asked.

“Well truth be told… I got nowhere else to go.” Fred stated sadly. “Plus I know your out of a job too, so I thought possibly we could work together to find us both a job.”

Patrick shrugged his shoulders. “Alright I’m up for it. Guest room’s on the right.”

“Awesome!” Fred said. “I have a feeling we’ll have jobs in no time!”

-----

Three Days Later

As the steel walls of Old Man Jenkins’ house began to melt, all Fred and Patrick could do was watch.

“Patrick, why in the world did you use a flamethrower? Termagone would’ve done the trick!” Fred said.

“But fire burns faster!” Patrick responded. “Are we supposed to be quick about it?”

Fred sighed. “Let’s get out of here before the old man calls the cops!” Both run away from the house as Jenkins just sits in a chair.

“Where’d Pinkie and the Brain go?”

------

After it became clear that they had evaded possible arrest, both took a seat on a park bench and took deep breaths.

“Ok so, being terminators is a no go.” Fred said. “Along with painters, sculptors, construction workers…” Fred read off a list for several minutes before getting to the end. “… and sumo wrestlers. Only a couple things left on this list. Next up is Fry co-“ But before Fred could continue, Patrick spoke up.

“NO! NO NO NO!” Patrick yelled. “I WON’T BE A FRY COOK AGAIN!”

Fred frowned. “Patrick, we don’t have the luxury of being able to say something like that. I understand entirely that it’s not an attractive job, but-“ Fred was interrupted again.

“You don’t understand!” Patrick yelled even louder. “I mean that I WILL NOT BE A FRY COOK EVER AGAIN! EVER!!!”

Fred began sweating and shaking from the amount of attention Patrick was bringing upon them. “Alright alright, I’ll just cross it off the list!” Fred then did just that and scribbled it out entirely for good measure. “See, we don’t have to do it!”

“Good.” Patrick said coldly. “Now if you’ll excuse me I have something I need to do. So, I’ll see you at the rock later.”

And with Patrick walked away silently, leaving Fred concerned and confused.

-----

A week had passed since the terminator incident and things remained tense between Fred and Patrick. Still, they stuck it out in their job search and ended up working at A Le Mode Crabee, a fancy restaurant occupied by the elite of Bikini Bottom. Fred was a server/waiter while Patrick became a custodian. It was two weeks into their jobs there that Fred had the mighty displeasure of serving quite the rude customer.

“Good evening simpleton.” The Squid said. “I would like the crab legs with a side of corral please.”

Fred couldn’t help but be distracted: he knew he had seen this man before. But not like this. Not so elegantly. Not so pompously.

“Excuse me are you deaf?” The Squid said.

“Aren’t you Squidward Tentacles?” Fred asked.

“Did you not already figure it out from gracefulness?” Squidward said. “Of course, I am Squidward Tentacles!”

“Well I know. I was in your marching band, you know from the Bubble Bowl a long time ago?” Fred asked. “What are you doing at such a fancy place as this?”

“I’ve always been coming A Le Mode Crabee for most of the last four years, this is nothing new. Have you been living under a rock?” Squidward replied.

“Recently yeah.” Fred replied.

“What?”

“Nothing. But you weren’t like this last time I lived in Bikini Bottom.” Fred said. “What happened to you in the last four years?”

Just then, a bright light shined on Squidward, specifically a badge on his chest pocket.

“Is that an attorney's badge!?” Fred asked. “Are you a… defense attorney?”

“Sir, I want my crab legs!” Squidward responded angrily. “No more chit-chat unless you want me to personally call your manager over!”

Fred took the cue and left, but he was still bothered by Squidward’s behavior. Fred happened to pass by Patrick and took the opportunity to whisper to him.

“Hey, hey Pat!” Fred mumbled. “I wanna ask you something.”

“Sure what?” Patrick said.

“Didn’t Squidward Tentacles used to be your friend or something?”

“Yeah, before he became a hardass.” Patrick said and resumed cleaning. “A lot changed since you left bud.”

“Yeah no kidding.” Fred said.

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Episode 3: Emergency Landing

Fred is sleeping when he awakens inside a pitch-black room.  He is alarmed when he cannot see a thing and tries to feel his way around the room. “Wh- OUCH!” Fred ran right into a metal door and stubbed his toe. “What the hell?” Fred then saw Patrick was sleeping on the ground next to him.

“Patrick. Patrick... WAKE UP!” Fred shouts at the top of lungs. His voice bounced off the walls of the small cabin, making it immensely loud.

“Wha!? Ahh, SPIDERS! SPIDERS! SPIDERS!” Patrick screamed. He ran around the room aimlessly screaming and yelling until he ran headfirst into a metal door.

“Wh-What the hell?” Fred said frantically. “Were we kidnapped? What’s going on!?”

“No sir.” A voice said over the intercom. “The two of you signed up for the army's training course a while back, dont you remember?”

“Oh, oh yeah!” Patrick exclaimed. “I ‘member!”

A couple days earlier…

Patrick is standing in line at the Chum Roller Boulder when an army recruitment wagon rolls on up to next to him. Out of it pops an old man

“Hey sonny! Would like to sign up for the Army's training program? You’re not likely to be called upon for duty, however you do get a discount card on Jellyfishing supplies if you do sign up!”

“Yes sir, I'll sign up Fred also, because he's my friend.” Patrick said as he signed the dotted line.

Present Day…

Fred glared hard at Patrick. “Dammit Patrick, I don't want to be in the Army!” Fred shouted at Patrick. “The whole reason I came back to Bikini Bottom was to avoid dangerous situations like this!”

“B-But Fred, the discounts!” Patrick said.

“As much I hate to tell you this, it’s too late sir.” The other pilot responded. “We’re about to touch down at the Bikini Bottom training barracks.”

The plane lands gently on a landing strip in the northwest quadrant. The first pilot hands Fred a piece of paper and the second one does the same with Patrick.

“You two will be placed in the 9th training platoon of the Bikini Bottom army.” They both said. “If I were you, I’d hurry and change into your uniforms before officer Fishbones sees ya.”

--------

The two do so and stand in a line of 20 or so other fish dressed in uniforms just like them. After about ten minutes or so the Officer Fishbones spoken of earlier walks around and examines the line of fish. He is an imposingly huge fish covered in scars that represent a lifetime of trouble and anxiety.

“Who's the bald fish?” Patrick asked.

“Patrick, that's the commanding officer.” Fred said in a whisper. “He's basically our teacher but worse.”

The officer then walks up to them

“Is there a problem sir!?” He asked Fred.

Fred gulps as he is stared down by the sergeant. “No sir!”

“Good. Now today, we will begin our treacherous training course, that will push you to the bone, break you soul, and question your very existence in this worthless sea!” The officer began. “… Well that’s what I used to say until the city cut our budget and well…. It’s just this puny little obstacle course now.”

The obstacle course was merely just a beat-up rock wall and a small sewage pipe with a fishie in it.

“We’ll breeze right through this and then get put into the reserves.” Fred said. “No sweat!” Fred and Patrick were the last two to go and expectantly passed it with ease, the worst part being a small papercut on Patrick’s knee. However, when they got there an unexpected sight greeted them.

“What the hell?” Fred said as he saw multiple ambulance trucks put the other men from their platoon in. Some of them were exasperated and out of breath, while others had bones sticking out of their legs. They were in no shape to go to war.

 “Well, if I’m gonna be honest MAGGOT! In any other war time situation I wouldn’t even consider putting you two on the frontlines!” Fishbone began before dropping off. “But you’re the only two I have left, so prepare to head the combat zone tomorrow morning!”

“Yay!” Patrick shouted.

“NO! NO NO NO NO NO!” Fred shouts as he kicks a rock. The pain sears through his body instantly. “MY LEG!”

---------

The next day, Fred and Patrick are shipped off to the combat zone, the edge of Shell City, to fight the sea's biggest threat: Scubas. Fred and Patrick look in horror at their enemy and begin to formulate a battle plan.

“Ok Patrick.” Fred commanded. “So according to these zoning maps, the scubas usually enter through the left of the gift shop!” Fred point to the northwest end of the shop. “So I say that we should go up through the right, and do a surprise attack on them. What do you think of that Patrick?

“Sure, but uhh, could we stop at the Gift Shop first? I want an energy drink, you know to get me through the pain and treachery of war?” Patrick asked.

“Patrick, you can have coffee. Not energy drinks, they'll make you energized for an hour, and then your screwed for the other twenty-three hours in the trenches. Have some coffee, and then we'll get into our positions.”

“Yes sir!” Patrick said.

After this break, the two then took their positions to the right of the gift shop. But then a tragedy occurred…

Oh no…. I have to go to the bathroom! Patrick thought to himself. Without thinking, he ran back into the gift shop and exerted his displeasure. Fred meanwhile stood all alone…

“Attac- Patrick?” Fred said quizzically. Before he could think about it anymore, he was locked into a Ziploc bag and came face to face with the monsters themselves…

“Dude, we got even more fish than usual today!” One of the scuba divers said, carrying a surfer-like tone to him.

“Oh yeah man! We're gonna get paid so much extra this time!” The other one said excitedly.

Patrick sees this happening through the gift shop window. “I’m coming to get you buddy!” He frantically swims to save Fred but is weighted down severely by all the food and coffee he ate.

“Ooh, I think I’m gonna be sick!”

And then he burps a burp so loud and strong that the scubas drop the bag, which gets snagged on a rock, and breaks open saving Fred.

“Thank you so much Patrick.” Fred said with the last of his strength. “I really thought I was a goner.

“Don't thank me, thank the power of coffee and candy bars!” Patrick replied. As Fred passed out from exhaustion, he came to realize that Patrick, while not the smartest fish around, was one he could develop a bond unlike any other with.

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