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ScarecrOWM

Western Story Contest

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Howdy there, storytellers of SBC! As you soak in and explore the new western themes and atmospheres, here's a good place to relax and share your creative stories.

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Rules

1.) The story does not have to be SpongeBob related, but it can be if you want. It doesn't matter to us.

2.) It must at least be 500 words, but can go over.

3.) It must at least have a western theme to it.

 

Just post your story here, and a panel of judges (me, JCM and teenj) will judge who has the best one. The winner will receive 2,000 doubloons, 20 reputation points (aka likes), and a free shop item of choice. The deadline to submit one is August 29th, and the winner will be announced that same day.

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YEE-HAW PARTNERS!!! LET ME TELL YA A GREAT STORY!!!! IT'S SUCH A GREAT STORY THAT YOU'LL DIE!!! BECAUSE IT'S SUCH A GREAT STORY!!! ANYWAYS THIS STORY IS ABOUT GRAPE JUICE JOHN WHO LIKES TO DRINK GRAPE JUICE. HE DRANK A LOAD OF GRAPE JUICE AND EXPLODED!!! THAT IS THE END OF GRAPE JUICE JOHN, NOW LET'S MOVE ON TO FRIED FRED!!! FRIED FRED LIKES TO FRY FOOD AND ALL HIS FRIENDS!!! HE'S SORT OF LIKE THE JESUS OF FRYING SHIT!!! BUT THEN HE FALLS INTO HIS FRYER THING AND GETS FRIED TOO!!! FRIED FRED WAS A GREAT FRIED FRED!!! TOO BAD HE'S NO LONGER BEING EXISTING!!!! NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE ACTUAL STORY!!!!

THIS IS ABOUT A COWBOY PIRATE NAMED DAN THE COWBOY PIRATE!!! HE LIKE TO STEAL PEOPLES' CATS AND TAKE GOOD CARE OF THEM!!! HE ALSO LIKES TO STEAL THE CORPSES OF PEOPLE LIKE GRAPE JUICE JOHN AND FRIED FRED, BECAUSE THEY WON'T BE NEEDING THEM CORPSES ANYMORE SO DAN THE COWBOY PIRATE IS LITERALLY SAVING THE WORLD!!! DAN THE COWBOY PIRATE IS NOW LOOKING AT THE CORPSES!!!! HE THINKS TO HIMSELF, "WOW, THAT BE SOME GOOD CORPSES"!!!! "I WISH I WAS A CORPSE"!!! DAN THE COWBOY PIRATE HAS WANTED TO BE A CORPSE SINCE HE WAS 6 BECAUSE ONE OF HIS CHILDHOOD FRIENDS SAID THEY WANTED TO BE A CORPSE WHEN THEY GROW UP AND SHE DID!!! DAN THE COWBOY PIRATE WAS REALLY JELLY OF HER FOR FULFILLING HER DREAM JOB, BECAUSE DAN ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A HAT!!! BUT WHEN HE TRIED TO BE A HAT ON SOMEONE'S HEAD, HE BECAME A HOSPITAL INSTEAD!!! NOW DAN THE COWBOY PIRATE IS DOING A BIT OF SAILING AROUND THE OL' WILD WEST AND HE'S GONNA GO TO THE SALOON AND GET HIMSELF A FREE HAIRCUT BECAUSE COWBOY PIRATES GET FREE HAIRCUTS WHEN THEY HAVE 2 FRIES IN THEIR EARS!!!! HE GOES INSIDE THE SALOON, AND HE'S ALL LIKE "YEAH UHHH GIMME A BEER PLEASE"!!!! AND THEN HE GOT A BEER!!! IT WAS A TASTY BEER AND IT MADE HIM NOT THIRSTY BECAUSE A BEER'S PURPOSE IS TO MAKE THYEST PEOPLE INTO THNORSPT PEOPLE!!!! BUT THEN!!!! THE LORD AND GOD COWBOY JACKIE CHAN CAME OUT OF THE BATHROOM AND HE SAID!!!! "Please my child. You have so much potential, and I feel you're not happy being a cowboy pirate. It's ok my child, I understand why you wanted to be a cowboy pirate. It was because your dad sold your room to charity. But I just want you to know that you're an amazing person, and you should continue to be amazing. Thank you my child for taking the time to listen to me. Goodbye...".

IT WAS THAT MOMENT THAT DAN THE COWBOY PIRATE'S LIFE CHANGED!!!! HE WAS NO LONGER DAN THE COWBOY PIRATE!!!! HE WAS NOW DAN THE COWBOY PIRATE CONSERVATIVE, AND HE DECIDED HE WAS GOING TO SPEND THE REST OF HIS LIFE GETTING MAD AT DOG ACCOUNTS ON TWITTER!!!! SO THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS... BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN!!! HA HA HA!!!! GOODNIGHT PARTNERS!!!! YEE-HAW!!!!!

(What the hell did I just write....)

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Now That We’re Pirates!

It was cool, breezy night under the sea, where SpongeBob, Patrick and Squidward gathered around a campfire outside of SpongeBob's house.

“Ok, this story is about…” Patrick stammered nervously to the campfire group. “Blackbeard an-“

“No Patrick, this isn’t supposed to be a pirate story!” SpongeBob said annoyedly. “This is a wild west themed campfire.”

“Well, isn’t the sea in the west? I mean we’re in the weast I think, so that’s close.” Patrick asked.

SpongeBob sighed. “No, the wild west is filled with cowboys, and deserts and shootouts. Wanna give it one more try Pat?”

“Ummmm, sure!” Patrick said. “Just let me get into character!” Patrick then picked up a lump of sand and threw it onto his face before grunting very loudly. "Alright it's me Dirty D-"

"No Patrick, I'm Dirty Dan remember!?" SpongeBob exclaimed.  "You're Pinhead Larry!"

"But your always Dirty Dan!" Patrick yelled back. "I wanna be Dirty Dan this time!"

SpongeBob and Patrick continued bickering back and forth about the identity of Dirty Dan, while Squidward sat on the sand freezing his buns off. After another few minutes of this, he got fed and stood in the middle of the two and began to yell.

"If you two don't cut this out, I'm gonna tell my own stupid story!" Squidward immediately realized his mistake when the two encircled around him with huge smiles.

"SQUIDWARD'S STORY TIME!" Both screamed excitedly. "Lets hear it Squidward!"

Squidward began sweating as he had never expected to have to actually tell a story that night, but realized he'd have to wing it.

"Alright alright." Squidward said in an irritated tone. "So, this story begins in uh... Horseshoeburg. Horseshoeburg was in the middle of nowhere, so no one could help them when a mean ol bandit started causing a fit. His name was Slippy Gene because not a cent of change got away from this bandit when he plundered a town."

SpongeBob and Patrick's gazes are not left Squidward since he began talking, entranced in his story.

"Several weeks had passed since Slippy Gene had taken over the town, but the ocean's tide was about to be a changin'. That's because a fearless squid who could do no wrong had just walked into town. A squid by the name of.... Squidlerd!"

"Hold on now!" Patrick suddenly interjected. "Why are you in the story?"

"Huh?" Squidward said in confusion. "No I'm not in the story."

"So this dashing young squid isn't supposed to be a metaphor for a younger, more vibrant you?" Patrick asked, sounding surprisingly sophisticated. 

"No, but fine I'll make it something else!" Squidward said.

"I didn't say you cou-" Patrick began but was cut off.

"So King Neptune flew down from the sky and burnt him alive, the end!"

"Boo!" SpongeBob and Patrick cried in unison. "Boo!"

"Oh what, now!?"

"There was no story! No conflict, no resolution!" SpongeBob critqued.

"NO LOVE TRIANGLES!" Patrick shrieked.

"Fine, then Patrick should finish the story then." Squidward remarked snarkily. "It was supposed to be his turn after all."

Patrick took a deep breath in and out and then began.

"SO ONCE UPON A TIME, JACK THE STARFISH DESCENDED FROM DOWN THE YELLOW SPONGE ROAD AND ON HIS MYSTERIOUS SEAHORSE DOWN TO HORSESHOE BAY! HORSESHOE BAY WAS BEING THREATENED BY MYSTERIOUS GHOST PIRATES FROM THE FUTURE  WHO TRYING TO OBTAIN THE NUCLEAR LAUNCH CODES! JACK TELEPORTED INTO TOWN AND FACED THESE MENACES HEAD ON WIELDING ONLY A HALF EATEN KELP BURGER AND A JAR OF PICKLES! JACK SMASHED THE JAR OVER ONE PIRATE, KNOCKING HIM OUT INSTANTLY, WHILE THE OTHER ONES BEGAN TO BURNING UP DUE TO THE PICKLE OILS FOR THESE GHOST HAD BEEN MURDERED BY PICKLE ZOMBIES IN THEIR TRUE TIMELINE! THEY RETREATED BUT NOT BEFORE DECLARING THEY WOULD RETURN FROM 200 YEARS LATER!

THE!

END!"

Patrick collapsed thereafter, his face purple from the immense strain he had put on himself from screaming his story.

"I'm out of here." Squidward as he stood up and walked into his house.

"Patrick... That.. was the best story I've ever heard!" SpongeBob said excitedly.

"You really think so?" Patrick asked.

"Absolutely!" SpongeBob said. "I expect a sequel at next year's campfire for sure!"

"Oh you can count on it!" Patrick said with a nervous laugh.

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