Krusty Krab (game script)

[Old Man Jenkins]

Consider this a spiritual successor of sorts to my years old S(lums)BU (big difference here being that there's no SBC characters), as well as a somewhat continuation of my "Crime Wave" short that I entered into one of the writing contests a not as long (but still kinda long) while back. Yup, this is probably my first SpongeBob-centric work in like years now. Posting it in OMJflix because I give no guarantees whether or not I'll see it to the end, and because of that, I don't want it to end up taking space in the Spinoff/Lits section. I'll just go by the beat of its reception. This is also gonna be a bit from previous works of mine, as in its gonna be written sorta like video game-script format. Inspired by one of my favorite GTA fanfics from like 10 years ago. You'll see once you get there. This first post will probs be edited periodically with new info over time (think like what I had set up for S(lums)BU), so keep a lookout if you're interested.

Plot: Fresh on his own and having mortgages and bills to pay, SpongeBob SquarePants finds himself swept up in a wave of crime after securing himself a dream job at The Krusty Krab. The Krusty Krew, captained Mr. Krabs, is waging a fast food war on three different fronts, and it's up to SpongeBob to help get the restaurant's name out there and secure control over Bikini Bottom, a city where hopes and dreams are made to be broken.

Factions
The Krusty Krew: The name given to the staff and employees at The Krusty Krab. Originally founded as The Plab Burger by both Krabs and Plankton in a joint effort to break Stinky's firm grip on the food market, a violent disagreement led to the former friends and business partners to part ways. The Krew is currently embroiled in a hellish turf war with The Bucketheads over control of Conch Street.
Likes: Money, profit
Dislikes: Plankton, Stinky's, losing money
Leader: Mr. Krabs

The Bucketheads: Plankton's army, who he hopes will help him achieve world conquest by first conquering the fast food world. Once a business partner and friend of Mr. Krabs, Plankton splintered off on his own, eventually establishing The Chum Bucket as a major competitor to The Krusty Krab. The food they offer is to die from, yet they still somehow manage to turn a profit to fund their war.
Likes: World Domination, the Krabby Patty secret formula
Dislikes: Krabs, Stinky's, being thwarted
Leader: Plankton

The 3rd Street Stinks: Proprietors of the once "only place to buy a burger" in Bikini Bottom, Stinky Burgers. They had a stranglehold on the fast food market for years since the untimely closure of Rusty's Ribeye. Their control over the market was eventually challenged by Krabs and Plankton, who have both managed to chip away at Stinky's business in the years since. And with the arrival of the Fancy! restaurant to the city, Stinky has to do everything within his power to retain that control.
Likes: Unsanitary working conditions, making his customer happy, burgers
Dislikes: Krabs, Plankton, any competition

Leader: Stinky

The Fancy Pansies: The newest restaurant in town, they tend to cater more towards the city's elite. Having a strict no pants, no service policy, gaining entry into their restaurant is a feat in and of itself. Their leadership is a mystery to the competition, which makes them a wild card in the food market. Easily distinguishable by their long, fancy pants. It's nothing but fancy living for this lot.
Likes: Long pants, themselves, art house movies
Dislikes: Stinky's, others, superhero movies, knee highs
Leader: ???

CUTSCENE

Introduction: Help Needed

The scene opens up to SpongeBob leaving his house and strolling down the road in his "I'm Ready!" Stupor.

SpongeBob: I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!

He runs past a couple of fellows trying to sell him something.

Salesman #1: Hey- Hey! Hey, kid! You look like somebody who would look good with some-thing!

SpongeBob just continues running past them, paying neither any mind.

Salesman #1: Well, forget you! Anything would look awful on a square anyway!

Salesman #2: That is exactly why people are onto us...

SpongeBob runs by a couple hooks near the road, laced with some live bait.

Bait: Hey baby, I can show you a good time! We can take things somewhere a lot more private.

But SpongeBob leaves her hanging, continuing to make his way down Conch Street.

Patrick: Hey SpongeBob, you're going the wrong way!

Patrick yells out, obviously tripping on something.

Buckethead #1: Aw hell naw!

Buckethead #2: Man, fuck those Pansies!

Three Bucketheads are seen crowded around a Fancy! Restaurant flyer posted on the wall of the Chum Bucket.

Buckethead #2: Enis, you gonna let them fancy pants inbreds disrespect us like that?!

Enis: Shit, whatchu think?

Enis pulls out a green spray can and begins to tag and single eye over the flyer.

Three Fancy Pansies walk up on them.

Fancy Pansy #1: I do say, do any of you uncouth chum urchins have even the slightest idea of the crime you are committing?

Enis: Just keeping Bikini Bottom beautiful, is all.

Fancy Pansy #2: You do say?

Buckethead #1: Yeah, some dumbass high school grad came and shitted on our restaurant! We just cleaning it up-

One of the Pansies smacks the Buckethead in the face with a glove concealing a brick. All members of both sides come to blows, with Enis spraying one of the Pansies in the eyes with his spray can. SpongeBob runs in as the chaos unfolds, caught in some of the crossfire. Things escalate even more when a Stinky's food truck rolls up carrying three members of its own.

Stink #1: Stinky sends his li-spects.

The Stink pulls out a sub machine ketchup bottle and sprays both sides with it, who both proceed to fight back with their inferior peashooters. The Stink manages to kill both Buckethead #2 and Fancy Pansies #'s 2 and 3. Buckethead #3 manages to shoot The Stink in the head as he was busy reloading, but Buckethead #3 is soon overwhelmed by sprays of ketchup from the other two Stinks. Fancy Pansy #1, having escaped from the initial fight for a brief moment, comes back in packing a silverware rifle and unloads onto the Stinks' food truck. The food truck tries to speed off, but it's a big fucking truck, so it can't go too fast. One of their tires get blown out and the truck crashes down a ravine, exploding upon impact. Before the Pansy could celebrate, he's capped in the in back of the head by Enis, who's wielding a ketchup bottle. Enis notices SpongeBob and walks up to him, aiming the bottle squarely at him.

Enis: Remember this in therapy, pard.

Before Enis could squeeze the bottle, he's suddenly brought down by a stray pickle.

???: You okay, boyo? 

SpongeBob is approached by an old, sweaty Krab. With him was Squidward, who SpongeBob immediately recognized as his next door neighbor. Squidward was wielding the pickled flicker that saved him.

Squidward: Uhh, Mr. Krabs...

Krabs offer SpongeBob a helping claw and pulls him up to his feet, even offering his shoulder for support.

Krabs: This lad needs a patty, stat! And I need his money! $$$

They proceed to lead SpongeBob across the street to the Krusty Krab. Enis explodes behind them, a rather delayed explosive reaction to his fall, as they enter the establishment. Mr. Krabs drops SpongeBob onto the floor just short of the nearest table.

Mr. Krabs: You don't look so bad. I'm charging you for that labor, by the way. This right here is Mr. Squidward. He'll take yer order.

Squidward: The pleasure is all yours.

Squidward says with a monotone voice. 

Mr. Krabs: The street ain't safe anymore, son. We've got restaurants fightin' over money that isn't theirs, and you in the way. They don't care if you be a paying customer or not.

SpongeBob: That's funny, dahaha, I was actually coming here to inquire about a job!

Mr. Krabs thinks it over.

Squidward: Mr. Krabs, don't tell  me you're actually considering hiring this simpleton?

Mr. Krabs: We be needing all the help we can get, Mr. Squidward.

Squidward: No, you need to take this dolt's money already and kick his tail fin to the curb.

Mr. Krabs: In a minute! Look son, Bikini Bottom's got a problem. Meet me in me office when you wanna be part of the solution.

FADE OUT: CUTSCENE

FADE IN: GAMEPLAY

The scene fades to black before fading back in to SpongeBob picking himself up off the floor. You are now in control of SpongeBob for the first time in the game world. Instructions pop up on the screen, informing you how to move SpongeBob around the restaurant with the left thumb stick. A prompt on the screen also introduces you to the HUD (heads up display), bringing your attention to the health bar and money counter on the upper right corner of the screen and the mini map on the lower left corner of the screen. Another prompt pops up, instructing you on how to replenish your health by consuming food items. Your health bar is shown to be depleted halfway from the events that had unfolded outside. You are instructed to go up to the register where Squidward is and order some food. There's quite a number things to choose from, but since you currently only have $5 in your wallet, your only choice is a Krabby Patty, which costs $4. Squidward hands you your food and has some choice words to say to you.

Squidward: Thanks for choosing the Krusty Krab. I'm sure your heart doesn't share the sentiment.

You health bar fills back up completely. A prompt pops up to teach you about mission mission markers both in the game world and on the mini map. Available missions will show up as a specific symbol on the mini map depending on who you're dealing with. In the case of Mr. Krabs, his mission marker shows up as the Krusty Krab sign on the mini map. In the game world, the mission marker appears as a maroon circle with the Krusty Krab sign floating above it. Walk into it to trigger and a prompt will pop up instructing you to "press X to start The Krusty Krew mission". You do just that to trigger the first mission of the game.

Help Wanted

CUTSCENE

SpongeBob is walking through the office door, closing it behind him. A number of Krusty Krew employees are already there, standing around and awaiting to hear word from their captain. 

Mr. Krabs: Front and center! Every one of ye motherfuckers know what we need to do. Those yellow bellied polliwogs be ridin' around, thinking they own this street! I don't care what establish be working for. Fancy!, Stinky's, Chum Bucket...no one's scaring me customers away from satisfying their taste buds. We're about to lock this street down right now!

Krusty Krew #1: Yeeeah, Mr. Krabs!

Krusty Krew #2: Krusty Krab Funfair all day, everyday baby!

Squidward: I'm surrounded by morons.

Squidward notices SpongeBob walking in on their meeting.

Squidward: What is HE doing here?!

Jim: Who the fuck's this guy.

Jim asks, pointing towards SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: Oh, sorry! That was pretty rude of me! Hi, I'm SpongeBob!

Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward and I found em. He was on his way here to apply for a job before he got caught in some crossfire. I wanna see if he has his sea legs.

Jim: But Eugene, if he wants to wait tables around here, he's gotta bring something to the table first.

Squidward: He's right, sir. Everybody had to do it.

Mr. Krabs: Aye. You ready for this, lad?

SpongeBob: I've been training my whole life for the day I could join the Krusty Krew!

Mr. Krabs: If we wanna bring the fight to these motherfuckers, we're gonna have to bring it to them hard. And if we're gonna bring it to them hard, we're gonna need the right hardware for the job. The last 20 applicants who accepted this errand all failed miserably. I want you to go and fetch me a hydrodynamic spatula with port and starboard attachments, but most importantly, it needs to have turbo drive. If you pass this test, you'll be on the Krusty Krew.

SpongeBob: I won't let you down, sir!

Mr. Krabs: You'll need yourself a set of wheels. But seeing as how you ran all the way here, I be taking it that you don't got any?

SpongeBob: I...I don't even have my license, sir...

Squidward: AHA! AHA AHAH! What kind of functioning adult doesn't even have a-

Mr. Krabs: No worries, Mr. Squidward bikes himself to work every morning. I'm sure he'd be happy to lend you his.

Squidward: Mr. Krabs, you can-

SpongeBob salutes the old man crab and marches out of the office, much to the Krew's collective skepticism.

Squidward: You know, when I first joined, you just had me dish washing.

Mr. Krabs: And look at what good that's done us.

Squidward looks none too pleased by that comment.

Mr. Krabs: If we're to win this war, we need a REAL crew. Men who ain't afraid to get their hands real dirty! I've admired the balls on that lad the moment he first trotted right into the crossfire. He can be a real earner, that one.

Squidward: Well let me know when he winds up dead.

FADE OUT: CUTSCENE

FADE IN: GAMEPLAY

You find yourself spawned outside of the Krusty Krab, standing in front of the entrance. NPC's are walking out and about, both entering and exiting the restaurant. A yellow blip shows up on the mini map with a prompt telling you that the blip is where you'll find Squidward's bike parked at. Run up to it and another prompt will pop up, instructing you to "Press triangle to get on the bike. The same will also apply when entering motor vehicles." Pressing the X button will cause you to go forward, tap it repeatedly to increase your speed, press square to brake, and pressing triangle again while operating a vehicle will allow you to exit from it. An X mark pops up on your mini map, telling you of the location you must go next. Follow it. As you bike off the premises and come near the Chum Bucket, a prompt will pop up warning you about rival restaurants. It informs you that they will be hostile to any rivals on sight, but since you're currently still not officially apart of the Krusty Krew, they will leave you be for now.

You bike your way over to the nearby Barg-n-Mart, trying not to get yourself killed in a traffic accident on the way there. An X marker shows itself in front of the store, enter it and a prompt will pop up, informing you all about the amenities that can be found in the store. Food and even some weapons can be purchased here, but your main priority right now is to get the hyrdrodynamic spatula for Krabs. Enter the store. You'll be made to look around the aisles for the spatula you need. After looking through a good majority of the aisles, you be instructed to head to the register and ask for some assistance from the only employee working the registers.

SpongeBob: Excuse me, sir, but do you happen to be carrying any hydrodynamic spatulas complete with port and starboard attachments, as well as equipped with turbo drive?

Lou: As a matter of fact, we do have one more of those left in stock, but I'm afraid we already have it on hold for some fellow who works over at Stinky's Burgers. But, I would be willing to part ways with it now, if you're willing to pay.

But seeing as how you only have $1 left after replenishing your health earlier, you're prompted to attack Lou and take the spatula by force. You are instructed to press R1 to target an enemy, allowing you to see their own health. Pressing circle allows you to melee attack and hitting it three times will let you pull off a combo move. One of these combo moves is a devastating Karate Chop to the head, which you use to cut Lou in half down the middle. You can learn more fight moves as you progress through the game. Go behind the register and swipe the floating hyrdrodynamic spatula over Lou's two halves, but taking it automatically triggers the security system in the store to activate, shuttering down the front entrance so that you can't leave the same way you came in.

Lou's left half: Somebody get in here!

Lou's right half: And stop him already!

Unarmed security fish will run into the store from the back/stock area. Looks like you'll have to fight your way out, so take punch, kick and chop your way through any enemy that blocks your path. For the duration of this mission, you'll be allowed to take any food item off the shelves to replenish your health if needed. Make your way into the stock area, where you'll find that this where the stock character NPC's are stored.

SpongeBob: Ooohh, so this is where they all come from.

A little gamer humor. Before you can reach the emergency exit, you'll be approached by a security guard armed with a barrel. It does more damage than just your standard punch, so you are taught how to block using the square button to lessen the damage you take from an enemy's melee attack. Alternate between attacking and blocking and this will prove to be a piece of cake. Once the guard is taken down, you can take his barrel and use it as a weapon, but be warned that it will break after landing a few hits. Once the guards have either been disposed of or evaded, you can finally leave through the store's emergency back exit. 

Once outside, your wanted level will be at two stars, popping up below your wallet counter. Your wanted level tells you whether or not the police are on your tail fin and at what measure of force they're taking in apprehending you. At two stars, standard Bikini Bottom police officers will chase you more tirelessly, but will only use deadly force if necessary. You try to reach where you parked Squidward's bike, but it's already been taken into police custody. You can either try to lose the cops on foot or try your hand at jacking a boatmobile. If you go with the latter, you'll be instructed on how to effectively jack a boatmobile. Approach the car and press triangle, once inside, a mini game will start up where you'll have to blow a balloon and make a balloon animal out of it. It's more or less a brief QuickTime event. If you follow the instructions exactly, you'll be free and cleared to operate your first motor vehicle. Once on the road, you'll quickly find that SpongeBob's poor driving skills shows in his equally poor driving controls. Your Driving Skill Bar will pop up on the bottom right of the screen, showing that it is very low. Ways to make the bar go up, thus improving your driving skills, includes simply getting the behind the wheel more often and let SpongeBob progress at his own pace. You can also increase faster by attending Boating School classes, but that's an activity for another play session, your main priority right now is to lose the cops.

You can lose the cops either by simply leaving them in your dust long enough to deplete your wanted level, or you can simply drive over to "Captain Blue Knows What To Do!" which is owned and operated by SpongeBob's uncle. It acts as a garage shop that you can just drive in, where Captain Blue will give you some vague sage advice on exactly what to do to lose the cops. You proceed to drive in and the garage door closes behind you.

Captain Blue: Look here, Bobby, this is what you gotta do...

The garage will open back up to reveal that your boatmobile has been altered some. It could be a new paint job, it could random ass modifications like spoilers or a bike horn, it could be that your boatmobile now has three wheels or even a broken window or tail light or even an entirely new boatmobile (which can randomly be good or bad) because the "cops won't be on the lookout for those". With your wanted level now gone, try to drive safely back to the Krusty Krab sign on your mini map without attracting anymore attention. Drive into Krusty Krab mission marker outside the restaurant to trigger a cutscene.

CUTSCENE 

SpongeBob barges back into Mr. Krab's office triumphantly. Squidward and Jim are also there.

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs! I've got the spatula you requested, sir!

SpongeBob hands the hydro dynamic spatula over to Krabs, who proceeds to inspect it for the modifications that he required. He sniffs it to make extra sure.

Mr. Krabs: I don't believe it. The boy's done it! With this, we can take what's ours!

Squidward: You're telling me one of those things actually existed?!

Jim: Really? Not bad. Color me impressed. I couldn't imagine the trouble you had to go through to secure this for us.

SpongeBob: A few minor setbacks here and there, but it was mostly easy peasy!

Squidward: My bike better still be in one piece!

SpongeBob: Heheheheh! About that...

Squidward: ohhhhRRR SPONGEBOB-

Mr. Krabs: Motherfucker, forget that piece of shit! With this, business will soon be soaring. As a token of my appreciation, I would like to present you with this.

Mr. Krabs has Squidward begrudgingly hand over an official Krusty Krew hat to his new employee.

Mr. Krabs: Welcome to the Krusty Krab, son. You've earned it.

SpongeBob: Oh my gosh! I never thought this day would come!

Squidward: You and me both.

Mr. Krabs: With that hat comes great responsibility, boyo. You're a part of the Krusty Krew now. Your loyalty now lies to the Krusty Krab and all of its krustomers! But flying that hat around also brings great danger. Other businesses be frothing at the teeth to take out any and all competition! Ye best be careful out there. Wouldn't wanna lose ya too soon.

SpongeBob: I'll wear this hat with pride, sir. 

His eyes begin welling up.

Mr. Krabs: That be good to hear. I want you to clock in bright and early tomorrow. We be putting ya through some real training then.

Jim: But if this was "easy peasy" for you. I'm sure the orientation will be twice that.

Mr. Krabs: Now be on your way with ya! And remember, don't go attracting any unnecessary attention.

SpongeBob: Yes, sir!

SpongeBob runs out of the office.

FADE OUT: CUTSCENE

FADE IN: GAMEPLAY

Mission Passed!
Reward: Krusty Krew hat, +$10

You'll be spawned right back outside the restaurant. SpongeBob's pineapple home will pop up on the mini map next. This is, of course, where you can return home and save your game. You can either make your way home on foot, in the boatmobile you came back in or you can just jack a new one all together, but you will also run the risk of potentially triggering your wanted level again by doing so.

Once back home, you'll be greeted with a prompt informing you off all the things you can do in your humble abode. You can save your game by sleeping in your bed, you can heal yourself by running yourself through SpongeBob's wringer, you can mix and match SpongeBob's outfit in his closet and you can add to his wardrobe by buying more clothes and accessories, you can increase SpongeBob's physical attributes such as strength and stamina by training in his stuffed animal fitness room (but once you reach the threshold of how far his fitness room can take you, you'll have to move on to actual gyms to further increase SpongeBob's gains), you can watch randomly generated tv in the living room, and you can care for Gary in your spare time; feeding him, bathing him, grooming him etc. Gary will prove to be useful in future missions, so it'd be wise to get a good start on him now. You proceed to save your progress.

[Old Man Jenkins]

Congratulations! If you were eagle eyed enough or just had on the appropriate skin to have noticed this link, here's your crap episode written LIVE in front of a few chunks of my dog's steaming shit in the backyard. You can also check out the shit I wrote above from like almost a year ago (ALREADY?), I guess. Jjs likes it, at least...

218. Poon on The Moon (literally advertised as "Skodwarde's Half-Assed Christmas Special")

One day, (approximately one year after Futuristic February in Space, which would've been a better themed event to post this *nervous laughter*), Sandy, SpongeBob, Pole and one of the more minor main characters (I never thought such a simple joke a season or two ago would balloon up to this) who might as well be Felicia Day, are all prepping for a rousing trip to the moon. But, ya know, just get rid of the space between "a" and "rousing". This could be seen as a sequel to Sandy's Rocket and Mooncondom, in case you weren't wondering. The Moon Trilogy ends here, Mo*belch*rty, on Skodwarde's final season. Will there be a happy ending? Heheh. Go grab yourself a box of Kleenex and we'll see! Ya know, for any possible tears that are shed just in case there isn't one.

So as I was saying. They've got their protection from the vacuum of space. They've got protection from any unwanted mistakes. They're almost given the green light, but before they could be ready to go, SpongeBob insists that they wait for their post-sex food, which is something that can best describe their crotches afterwards, Krabby Patties. Skodwarde arrives with their order, having been dropped off by Scott, who now has a side gig working for Scuber Eats. Skodwarde teleports into Sandy's treedome (which makes Scott's appearance here completely gratuitous) asking "where the fuck I.C. Weiner at?" Before Nibbler could enact his plan to cryogenically freeze Skodwarde into the future (again), Sandy gets too impatient and horny to wait any longer, pressing the "Take Off" button that immediately removes everybody's clothes. She duly notes that she shouldn't have placed it there so close next to the actual "Take Off" button. The rocket proceeds to actually take off, thus taking Skodwarde along for the ride as their fifth wheel.

We're treated to some slapstick while SpongeBob slaps dick as they travel through a radiation belt, causing his below the belt to become rock hard like The Thing from Fant4stic. He can only laugh like an impotent manchild, playfully singing that he's gonna take everybody on board for a "moon ride moon ride moon ride" in order to hide the cruel realization that there's jack shit he'll be able to do having a rock for a cock. All the while, Pole is on her period and she and Felicia Day over here are making everyone wanna change threads. Our misery temporarily ends as they finally touch down on the moon. SpongeBob solemnly declares that "this is one small step for sponge, but one giant leap into Sandy's pants" as he plants his flagpole into Sandy's surface. Finally, SpongeBob and Sandy have sex on the moon after about, what, 8 years? About as long as SpongeBob's blue balls, that's for sure.

Skodwarde can only watch and get a little off on it before deciding to venture out into the wild white yonder, breaking his ankles while doing so. He finds himself stumbling into various wormhole fucking things that makes it seem like something out of that one Courage the Cowardly Dog episode with the violin girl. After this test of Skodwarde's pull out game, he finally comes across Pink Floyd's eighth studio album and spends the rest of his night smoking Moonajuana with the indigenous Mooninites to that good shit.

While that crossover of the decade is going on, the climax of SpongeBob and Sandy's eight years of pent up sexual tension causes the moon to get knocked out of orbit. As one might expect, this completely fucks up Skodwarde's mellow. Oh, and of course completely fucks up the earth. After some nautical nonsense involving Viagra and working on their "pull back" game, their situation finally sees some divine intervention in the form of live-action asylum escapee Santa Claus from "Christmas Who?", who's actually a pretty chill dude when pumped to the gills with Moonajuana. Santa chalks up talking to a sponge, a squirrel, a pole/whale and a nerd on the surface of the moon to him tripping balls so he decides to look into Skodwarde's butthole as if he's looking through a kaleidoscope. Skodwarde has too good of a laugh at this before Sandy gets on them like ugly on an ape (no offense to any apes out there) in order to help get the moon back on its normal axis. Santa low key roasts everybody as Sandy comes to the logical conclusion that if a huge orgasm sent the moon out of whack, then perhaps another huge orgasm can send it back in.

She rallies and fondles everyone up in order to get the best possible O-Faces out of them (and if the "Face Freeze " episode of Skodwarde wasn't about o-faces, then I'm gonna be very disappointed when I go back to check). With the orgasms of a god and Santa Claus by their side, they're able to blow up the moon, which fucks things up even worse. With all hope lost, and with that box of Kleenex seeming pretty useful right about now, the fish on Earth casually resign to their fate of continuing their lives under only a few inches of seawater. But suddenly, Sandy comes to her next logical conclusion, asking Pole if she's still on her period. Pole bitches up a storm, all but confirming it to Sandy. Sandy proceeds to use her science powers to insert SpongeBob up Pole's lower blowhole and uses him as some sort of spongy material to absorb as much period juice as she could muster. The absorption causes SpongeBob to ballon up to a size where he could easily slip into the moon's place under the guise of a "blood moon". With the tidal balance restored, Skodwarde, Sandy and the others return back to earth while SpongeBob remains up in space, completely cool with the whole situation for he has no earthly desires keeping him tethered since he finally had at Sandy earlier. Well, I'd say that's second to his job at the Krusty Krab but it's not like this is gonna carry over past this episode! (Right?)

Felicia Day collects her paycheck and leaves, Pole is still a bitch, Sandy sets her sights on the jellyfish for her next sexual conquest  *wink*, Santa is returned to the insane asylum, Skodwarde spends the rest of his day smoking Moonajuana to Pink Floyd and SpongeBob spends the rest of the year irritating the whole goddamn earth with moon puns until Santa once again escapes on Christmas Eve with a new moon. Well, unless Admiral Zhao kills the moon spirit in the meantime. So there's your half of the ass in regards to this "Christmas special". Pray that you won't get the other.

And also, back in Skolliam's hot air ballon/casino/temple of worship, another episode of revelation (this episode, if it weren't already obvious enough) gets put into the books. The pieces continue to fall into place if this story arc is still a thing. Idk anymore.

#cancelskodwarde