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Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

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Can’t believe a topic hasn’t been made for this yet.  After all, the previous movie is one of the most financially successful movies of all time.

Definitely plan on catching this one.  I’m a sucker for anything with dinosaurs.  I’m more optimistic about the CGI this time around as the dinosaurs look a tad slicker than they did in the previous movie.

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And then there’s me.  On the polar opposite end of the spectrum.

Outside of the acting and the cinematography, I thought this movie was dogshit.  It was hilariously bad and arguably the worst of the Jurassic Park series.  So many stupid choices and consequences for the character’s actions.  Like I’m fully convinced that the villains of this movie belong in a Scooby-Doo cartoon.  Their ideas and actions are that animated.

And when the movie isn’t being comedically awful, it’s just awfully dull.  Like any moment when there aren’t dinosaurs on the screen, it’s very boring.  At least in Jurassic World you got a sense of urgency when there weren’t dinosaurs in the scenes.  Here, yawn.

Very neck and neck with The Lost World for worst movie in the series for me.  Without a doubt, the biggest disappointment of the summer blockbuster season for me.

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oh my god

I mean, most of this was... passable. Nothing special, mind you. I rewatched the first Jurassic World somewhat recently and nothing really stood out to me, other than it seemed to me as somewhat of a partial remake with occasional minor changes of the first movie? Which sort of makes me wonder how similar this is to The Lost World? I haven't seen The Lost World, or even the Memory Snarker or WrongJon reviews (though I can say the arcade game kicked ass), so I'm just curious. Not that it really matters, minus the last thirty minutes or something, this was typical action movie fare. Not much exciting, but kinda fun to watch.

The last thirty minutes though. Holy fucking shit. The last thirty minutes contain some of the worst shit i've ever seen in a Hollywood movie. I can't even really go in-depth on it, it's just so awfully written I don't even know how to comment on it, at least without going into spoiler territories.

in other words, uhhhh

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I personally didn't think the movie was bad. But, then again, I went into the movie theater with ZERO expectations, so that's why I was probably easily impressed! :rolleyes: Also, I'm a bit of a sucker for any movie with Ted Levine in it (long story), so I'm already kind of biased towards liking the movie. Even so, I'd probably give it a 9.5 out of 10; even if that's just me being generous. Enough said! ;)

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Trevorrow really must’ve thought he was some franchise-changing Last Jedi shit with that ending lmao

movie was the kind of stupid that you couldn’t even really turn your brain off to enjoy, with a lot of silly plot elements and one liner shit like this: 

Nerd: Man, it’s really hot here

*Starlord looks to a volcano in the distance*

Pratt: it’s about to get a lot hotter.

populating the film every five seconds. Jeff Goldblum deadass explains the concept of the film and name drops the name of the movie at the end to show you what kind of movie you’re dealing with if you weren’t already aware. There were a couple cool plot twists and a lot of really inventive action sequences, but overall, this one ain’t it 

 The position that this film put the franchise in might make the third one somewhat interesting though, so I guess Universal has my money once again lmao

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I'm no movie reviewer, but I watched this yesterday. While it is fair that I'm not really a movie person. a movie probably isn't too great if I spend most of it thinking "man is this almost over" and secretly checking my phone for the time. Just not the most entertaining film all in all.

That being said, RIP to that poor dinosaur left on the island to die in a volcano explosion. :(

 

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