Best and Worst of Entertainment 2017: Episode VI Return of the Lists

[Young Nug]

actually while we're at it Seth MacFarlane slander is also something I won't stand for ?

[Clappy]

18 hours ago, Hayden said:

Can you explain the heart difference, cause both shows are virtually the same platform of endless Raven antics. That one Booker/Tess episode packed plenty of soul so the new characters are at least capable of that even if Raven/Chelsea are continually over the top.

It's still super average, but making a worst list when it's the only thing keeping Disney from full sink? Eh. Guess I have a more reasonable perspective on account of not thinking the original That's So Raven was that big of a deal. Without the psychic aspect it wasn't that inventive.

 

15 hours ago, Bada Bing Nuggets said:

*walks in*

*Orville and Raven's Home slander*

*walks out*

 

7 hours ago, JCM said:

I'm glad somebody defended Raven's Home before I did. That show is legit.

Had a feeling that my Raven’s Home pick would not be that popular, so let me go further in depth.  But before I do, I would like to say that I talked about it earlier this year and I forgot to mention it in the previous post, so I’ll say it again.  I really have not watched that much new television and shows that make my worst of the year list as always, I don’t watch every single episode of.  More like two or three episodes, at least.  So if the show got better after I stopped tuning in, then good for it.

Anyway, back to defending my pick.  I know how big of a fan base the original had and while I loved the original for the first two or so seasons before the quality started to decline, I thought it ended at the right time with the obvious spinoff for Cory coming right afterwards.  As a series overall, I was not the biggest fan but I was still a fan.

I was worried about this series the moment it got announced.  The original ended ten years ago so I find it impossible to believe that Raven and Chelsea already have kids that are around the age of ten or in Raven’s twins case, eleven.  But as much as I want to hold the basic premise against it, I was fair and gave the show a shot.

I have not liked a single episode I’ve seen so far.  Raven and Chelsea are far more over the top then they were towards the end of the original series with Chelsea being by far the worst character of the series.  She wasn’t always this level of stupid in the first two seasons of the original series because her character took a considerable nosedive in intelligence season three onwards to now and I’ve been annoyed by it ever since.

And Disney has always had a knack for casting good kid actors, but here, I’ve not been impressed by any of them except for Booker, who is admittedly very good and I honestly think deserves better.  Honestly, everyone does from Raven who I do believe is a great actress to even minor characters (hi Stanley from The Office).

But let me get to Hayden’s main point.  I don’t think this show has the heart the original has.  They have heartfelt moments like the ongoing stuff with the deadbeat dad, but it just all feels processed to me.  Like the show does a bad job at making me feel any sort of emotional pull of weight to anything.  I just don’t have a emotional connection to anything these characters go through this time around whether it be the acting, the scripts that they are being given per episode, or direction.  I can’t figure out what it is but everything about this show just feels like a cash grab for nostalgia.  Not to the levels that Fuller House has taken for example, but Disney is banking heavily on the nostalgia of That’s So Raven the same way they did with Girl Meets World.  And while I liked Girl Meets World overall, they at least had multiple young characters that I was able to connect and be invested in in comparison to the one so far.

Who knows, maybe Raven’s Home got better because I admittedly put this pick on the four episodes I have watched that I didn’t like a single one of.  If it did, good for it.

 

Oh and come at me @Bada Bing Nuggetsfor the Orville slander.  It’s boring and while I can respect that it doesn’t want to be an outright comedy for the first time in MacFarlane’s career, it’s not good at being serious either.  When you have a good Star Trek going right now on CBS All Access, then I have absolutely no need for a poor man’s one.

[Hayden]

8 hours ago, Clappy said:

 

 

Had a feeling that my Raven’s Home pick would not be that popular, so let me go further in depth.  But before I do, I would like to say that I talked about it earlier this year and I forgot to mention it in the previous post, so I’ll say it again.  I really have not watched that much new television and shows that make my worst of the year list as always, I don’t watch every single episode of.  More like two or three episodes, at least.  So if the show got better after I stopped tuning in, then good for it.

Anyway, back to defending my pick.  I know how big of a fan base the original had and while I loved the original for the first two or so seasons before the quality started to decline, I thought it ended at the right time with the obvious spinoff for Cory coming right afterwards.  As a series overall, I was not the biggest fan but I was still a fan.

I was worried about this series the moment it got announced.  The original ended ten years ago so I find it impossible to believe that Raven and Chelsea already have kids that are around the age of ten or in Raven’s twins case, eleven.  But as much as I want to hold the basic premise against it, I was fair and gave the show a shot.

I have not liked a single episode I’ve seen so far.  Raven and Chelsea are far more over the top then they were towards the end of the original series with Chelsea being by far the worst character of the series.  She wasn’t always this level of stupid in the first two seasons of the original series because her character took a considerable nosedive in intelligence season three onwards to now and I’ve been annoyed by it ever since.

And Disney has always had a knack for casting good kid actors, but here, I’ve not been impressed by any of them except for Booker, who is admittedly very good and I honestly think deserves better.  Honestly, everyone does from Raven who I do believe is a great actress to even minor characters (hi Stanley from The Office).

But let me get to Hayden’s main point.  I don’t think this show has the heart the original has.  They have heartfelt moments like the ongoing stuff with the deadbeat dad, but it just all feels processed to me.  Like the show does a bad job at making me feel any sort of emotional pull of weight to anything.  I just don’t have a emotional connection to anything these characters go through this time around whether it be the acting, the scripts that they are being given per episode, or direction.  I can’t figure out what it is but everything about this show just feels like a cash grab for nostalgia.  Not to the levels that Fuller House has taken for example, but Disney is banking heavily on the nostalgia of That’s So Raven the same way they did with Girl Meets World.  And while I liked Girl Meets World overall, they at least had multiple young characters that I was able to connect and be invested in in comparison to the one so far.

Who knows, maybe Raven’s Home got better because I admittedly put this pick on the four episodes I have watched that I didn’t like a single one of.  If it did, good for it.

 

Oh and come at me @Bada Bing Nuggetsfor the Orville slander.  It’s boring and while I can respect that it doesn’t want to be an outright comedy for the first time in MacFarlane’s career, it’s not good at being serious either.  When you have a good Star Trek going right now on CBS All Access, then I have absolutely no need for a poor man’s one.

Episode Recommendation: In-Vision of Privacy (For one more you can try to test improvement)

(In the last few episodes, they also have Booker/Raven have the same vision and a vision not coming true, so they are at least making progressive choices with the psychic lore).

[70s]

I love The Mick, it's one of my favorite comedies right now. Raven's Home is pretty good, though I still haven't finished the first season which says something. I recently started watching Andi Mack and that's a better example of a really good Disney show, but I don't find Raven's Home bad.

[Joe Biden]

Haven't really been watching a lot of today's programs nowadays but I should probably give some thoughts on the ones I did watch. Not making a list, but just some thoughts.

Spoiler

• I don't really hate The Mick, but at the same time, it doesn't live up to It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia standards and I can't really see her play a main character in something else other than that show.
• Speaking of, the latest season of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia was kind of.....................eh. On one hand, you've got some episodes worth replay value (The Gang Goes to a Water Park), but on the other, you have episodes that are just "why" (The Gang Turns Black). And I'm really sad that Glenn Howerton is leaving after this season.
• The Goldbergs still remain a guilty pleasure of mine. Me and my family still watch it and I find all the characters to be really charming. Plus, you know how much of a sucker I am for '80s music. The episodes in the first half of 2017 were quite good and the ones in the other half are just.............okay. I could really do without the episodes dedicated to movies like Weird Science and Revenge of the Nerds though. While I do like some episodes like that (like The Karate Kid one in early 2017), I don't see the need to make a tribute to EVERY movie in the '80s. If there was one episode I truly appreciated in this season though, it would have to be the one with the wrestler played by Bill Goldberg.
• Keeping my thoughts on Big Mouth short and brief. I can definitely respect Big Mouth for the show it's trying to be but I can't get past the animation and the little girl vagina in the trailer. Not as truly as bad as I thought but those two factors kinda ruined it for me.
• I thought South Park's latest season was decent and a much better improvement than the last one but as jjs stated in the SP thread, the season finale was kind of a disappointment and didn't really feel like a season finale to me. And it seemed like near the end of the season, they went back to doing serializations and Trump Garrison jokes again. And unlike the other three seasons that did stuff like this yet had a finale that tied up loose ends, this one just seemed to......peter out. Maybe if it was the episode before the season finale, I would be more lenient on it but it wasn't, which disappoints me more than ever.
• Seeing as how I'm the only Rick and Morty fan on the site, I should post my thoughts on the last season. I thought it was just good but doesn't really live up to the last two. Maybe it's the people obsessed with the Szechuan sauce that kinda soured my opinion on it but besides that, it just never really impressed me much.
• But if there was ever one series I still love and would definitely be my #1 favorite if I ever made a list, it's Curb Your Enthusiasm. That show will never cease to make me laugh. I enjoyed the quirky story-line revolving around Larry David's musical "Fatwa!: The Musical" and how much it pissed off the ayatollah. Ever since I got introduced to it this year, it has changed the way I live forever. I find ways to insert subtle references from the show into my life. Every time I see someone thank a soldier, I think of "Thank You for Your Service". Whenever somebody tries to force another person onto me or another, I think of "Foisted!". Whenever something happens in the kitchen that's questionable, I think of "A Disturbance in the Kitchen". It's not just a great show, it's a PRETTAY, PRETTAY, PRETTAY, pretty great show and I recommend anybody who's a fan of Larry David's work that has HBO to give it a chance.

 

[Clappy]

Still working on the best list for television since this weekend was busy for me, but this post goes out to the many of you who I know are doing music lists:

https://www.billboard.com/charts/year-end/2017/hot-100-songs

It’s time.

EDIT: It worked a few minutes ago and I saw the whole list, but it’s not showing on mobile.  Probably will be fixed by the time some of you may view this.

[Wumbo]

nothing's showing up for me and I'm on my laptop

[Joe Biden]

nothing's showing up for me and I'm on my PC

[Katniss]

Okay so I'm subscribed to a pop music subreddit and one of the members managed to see the whole hot 100 list before the site stopped working, so here ya go:

Spoiler

1. Ed Sheeran - Shape Of You
2. Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee ft. Justin Bieber - Despacito
3. Bruno Mars - That's What I Like
4. Kendrick Lamar - Humble.
5. The Chainsmokers & Coldplay - Something Just Like This
6. Migos ft. Lil Uzi Vert - Bad And Boujee
7. The Chainsmokers ft. Halsey - Closer
8. Sam Hunt - Body Like A Back Road
9. Imagine Dragons - Believer
10. Post Malone ft. Quavo - Congratulations
11. James Arthur - Say You Won't Let Go
12. DJ Khaled ft. Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance The Rapper & Lil Wayne - I'm The One
13. Lil Uzi Vert - XO Tour Llif3
14. Future - Mask Off
15. French Montana ft. Swae Lee - Unforgettable
16. Bruno Mars - 24K Magic
17. Zedd & Alessia Cara - Stay
18. DJ Khaled ft. Rihanna & Bryson Tiller - Wild Thoughts
19. Rae Sremmurd ft. Gucci Mane - Black Beatles
20. The Weeknd ft. Daft Punk - Starboy
21. Khalid - Location
22. Charlie Puth - Attention
23. Shawn Mendes - There's Nothing Holdin' Me Back
24. Cardi B - Bodak Yellow (Money Moves)
25. Childish Gambino - Redbone
26. Zayn & Taylor Swift - I Don't Wanna Live Forever (Fifty Shades Darker)
27. Kygo & Selena Gomez - It Ain't Me
28. Kyle ft. Lil Yachty - iSpy
29. Julia Michaels - Issues
30. Alessia Cara - Scars To Your Beautiful
31. Logic ft. Alessia Cara & Khalid - 1-800-273-8255
32. Niall Horan - Slow Hands
33. Rihanna - Love On The Brain
34. The Weeknd ft. Daft Punk - I Feel It Coming
35. Big Sean - Bounce Back
36. Liam Payne ft. Quavo - Strip That Down
37. Drake - Fake Love
38. Maroon 5 ft. Kendrick Lamar - Don't Wanna Know
39. Taylor Swift - Look What You Made Me Do
40. Ed Sheeran - Castle On The Hill
41. Machine Gun Kelly & Camila Cabello - Bad Things
42. The Chainsmokers - Paris
43. Ariana Grande ft. Nicki Minaj - Side To Side
44. Clean Bandit ft. Sean Paul & Anne-Marie - Rockabye
45. Portugal. The Man - Feel It Still
46. DJ Snake ft. Justin Bieber - Let Me Love You
47. Demi Lovato - Sorry Not Sorry
48. 21 Savage - Bank Account
49. Justin Timberlake - Can't Stop The Feeling
50. J Balvin & Willy William ft. Beyonce - Mi Gente
51. Imagine Dragons - Thunder
52. Migos - T-Shirt
53. Yo Gotti ft. Nicki Minaj - Rake It Up
54. Shawn Mendes - Mercy
55. Kodak Black - Tunnel Vision
56. Post Malone ft. 21 Savage - Rockstar
57. Brett Young - In Case You Didn't Know
58. Twenty One Pilots - Heathens
59. Halsey - Now Or Never
60. Amine - Caroline
61. Ayo & Teo - Rolex
62. Kendrick Lamar - DNA.
63. Zay Hilfigerrr & Zayion McCall - Juju On That Beat (TZ Anthem)
64. Rae Sremmurd - Swang
65. Drake - Passionfruit
66. Kendrick Lamar ft. Rihanna - Loyalty.
67. Kesha - Praying
68. Travis Scott - Goosebumps
69. Maroon 5 ft. Future - Cold
70. D.R.A.M. ft. Lil Yachty - Broccoli
71. Calvin Harris ft. Frank Ocean & Migos - Slide
72. Kane Brown ft. Lauren Alaina - What Ifs
73. Katy Perry ft. Skip Marley - Chained To The Rhythm
74. Calvin Harris ft. Pharrell Williams, Katy Perry & Big Sean - Feels
75. Jon Bellion - All Time Low
76. Luke Combs - Hurricane
77. Sam Smith - Too Good At Goodbyes
78. Khalid - Young Dumb & Broke
79. Playboi Carti - Magnolia
80. SZA ft. Travis Scott - Love Galore
81. A Boogie Wit da Hoodie ft. Kodak Black - Drowning
82. Hailee Steinfeld & Grey ft. Zedd - Starving
83. Gucci Mane ft. Drake - Both
84. Pink - What About Us
85. Jason Derulo ft. Nicki Minaj & Ty Dolla $ign - Swalla
86. Migos ft. Gucci Mane - Slippery
87. Harry Styles - Sign Of The Times
88. Adele - Water Under The Bridge
89. Miley Cyrus - Malibu
90. Marian Hill - Down
91. Cheat Codes ft. Demi Lovato - No Promises
92. Shawn Mendes - Treat You Better
93. Gucci Mane ft. Migos - I Get The Bag
94. Dustin Lynch - Small Town Boy
95. YFN Lucci ft. PnB Rock - Everyday We Lit
96. Camila Cabello ft. Young Thug - Havana
97. Maroon 5 ft. SZA - What Lovers Do
98. Blackbear - Do Re Mi
99. Xxxtentacion - Look At Me
100. Keith Urban ft. Carrie Underwood - The Fighter

3

 

[SpongeOddFan]

15 minutes ago, Zooey Deschanelf said:

Okay so I'm subscribed to a pop music subreddit and one of the members managed to see the whole hot 100 list before the site stopped working, so here ya go:

  Reveal hidden contents

1. Ed Sheeran - Shape Of You
2. Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee ft. Justin Bieber - Despacito
3. Bruno Mars - That's What I Like
4. Kendrick Lamar - Humble.
5. The Chainsmokers & Coldplay - Something Just Like This
6. Migos ft. Lil Uzi Vert - Bad And Boujee
7. The Chainsmokers ft. Halsey - Closer
8. Sam Hunt - Body Like A Back Road
9. Imagine Dragons - Believer
10. Post Malone ft. Quavo - Congratulations
11. James Arthur - Say You Won't Let Go
12. DJ Khaled ft. Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance The Rapper & Lil Wayne - I'm The One
13. Lil Uzi Vert - XO Tour Llif3
14. Future - Mask Off
15. French Montana ft. Swae Lee - Unforgettable
16. Bruno Mars - 24K Magic
17. Zedd & Alessia Cara - Stay
18. DJ Khaled ft. Rihanna & Bryson Tiller - Wild Thoughts
19. Rae Sremmurd ft. Gucci Mane - Black Beatles
20. The Weeknd ft. Daft Punk - Starboy
21. Khalid - Location
22. Charlie Puth - Attention
23. Shawn Mendes - There's Nothing Holdin' Me Back
24. Cardi B - Bodak Yellow (Money Moves)
25. Childish Gambino - Redbone
26. Zayn & Taylor Swift - I Don't Wanna Live Forever (Fifty Shades Darker)
27. Kygo & Selena Gomez - It Ain't Me
28. Kyle ft. Lil Yachty - iSpy
29. Julia Michaels - Issues
30. Alessia Cara - Scars To Your Beautiful
31. Logic ft. Alessia Cara & Khalid - 1-800-273-8255
32. Niall Horan - Slow Hands
33. Rihanna - Love On The Brain
34. The Weeknd ft. Daft Punk - I Feel It Coming
35. Big Sean - Bounce Back
36. Liam Payne ft. Quavo - Strip That Down
37. Drake - Fake Love
38. Maroon 5 ft. Kendrick Lamar - Don't Wanna Know
39. Taylor Swift - Look What You Made Me Do
40. Ed Sheeran - Castle On The Hill
41. Machine Gun Kelly & Camila Cabello - Bad Things
42. The Chainsmokers - Paris
43. Ariana Grande ft. Nicki Minaj - Side To Side
44. Clean Bandit ft. Sean Paul & Anne-Marie - Rockabye
45. Portugal. The Man - Feel It Still
46. DJ Snake ft. Justin Bieber - Let Me Love You
47. Demi Lovato - Sorry Not Sorry
48. 21 Savage - Bank Account
49. Justin Timberlake - Can't Stop The Feeling
50. J Balvin & Willy William ft. Beyonce - Mi Gente
51. Imagine Dragons - Thunder
52. Migos - T-Shirt
53. Yo Gotti ft. Nicki Minaj - Rake It Up
54. Shawn Mendes - Mercy
55. Kodak Black - Tunnel Vision
56. Post Malone ft. 21 Savage - Rockstar
57. Brett Young - In Case You Didn't Know
58. Twenty One Pilots - Heathens
59. Halsey - Now Or Never
60. Amine - Caroline
61. Ayo & Teo - Rolex
62. Kendrick Lamar - DNA.
63. Zay Hilfigerrr & Zayion McCall - Juju On That Beat (TZ Anthem)
64. Rae Sremmurd - Swang
65. Drake - Passionfruit
66. Kendrick Lamar ft. Rihanna - Loyalty.
67. Kesha - Praying
68. Travis Scott - Goosebumps
69. Maroon 5 ft. Future - Cold
70. D.R.A.M. ft. Lil Yachty - Broccoli
71. Calvin Harris ft. Frank Ocean & Migos - Slide
72. Kane Brown ft. Lauren Alaina - What Ifs
73. Katy Perry ft. Skip Marley - Chained To The Rhythm
74. Calvin Harris ft. Pharrell Williams, Katy Perry & Big Sean - Feels
75. Jon Bellion - All Time Low
76. Luke Combs - Hurricane
77. Sam Smith - Too Good At Goodbyes
78. Khalid - Young Dumb & Broke
79. Playboi Carti - Magnolia
80. SZA ft. Travis Scott - Love Galore
81. A Boogie Wit da Hoodie ft. Kodak Black - Drowning
82. Hailee Steinfeld & Grey ft. Zedd - Starving
83. Gucci Mane ft. Drake - Both
84. Pink - What About Us
85. Jason Derulo ft. Nicki Minaj & Ty Dolla $ign - Swalla
86. Migos ft. Gucci Mane - Slippery
87. Harry Styles - Sign Of The Times
88. Adele - Water Under The Bridge
89. Miley Cyrus - Malibu
90. Marian Hill - Down
91. Cheat Codes ft. Demi Lovato - No Promises
92. Shawn Mendes - Treat You Better
93. Gucci Mane ft. Migos - I Get The Bag
94. Dustin Lynch - Small Town Boy
95. YFN Lucci ft. PnB Rock - Everyday We Lit
96. Camila Cabello ft. Young Thug - Havana
97. Maroon 5 ft. SZA - What Lovers Do
98. Blackbear - Do Re Mi
99. Xxxtentacion - Look At Me
100. Keith Urban ft. Carrie Underwood - The Fighter

3

 

ofc Shape of You be #1 this year...

rest on the list is interesting tho.

[Young Nug]

2 hours ago, Zooey Deschanelf said:

Okay so I'm subscribed to a pop music subreddit and one of the members managed to see the whole hot 100 list before the site stopped working, so here ya go:

  Reveal hidden contents

1. Ed Sheeran - Shape Of You
2. Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee ft. Justin Bieber - Despacito
3. Bruno Mars - That's What I Like
4. Kendrick Lamar - Humble.
5. The Chainsmokers & Coldplay - Something Just Like This
6. Migos ft. Lil Uzi Vert - Bad And Boujee
7. The Chainsmokers ft. Halsey - Closer
8. Sam Hunt - Body Like A Back Road
9. Imagine Dragons - Believer
10. Post Malone ft. Quavo - Congratulations
11. James Arthur - Say You Won't Let Go
12. DJ Khaled ft. Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance The Rapper & Lil Wayne - I'm The One
13. Lil Uzi Vert - XO Tour Llif3
14. Future - Mask Off
15. French Montana ft. Swae Lee - Unforgettable
16. Bruno Mars - 24K Magic
17. Zedd & Alessia Cara - Stay
18. DJ Khaled ft. Rihanna & Bryson Tiller - Wild Thoughts
19. Rae Sremmurd ft. Gucci Mane - Black Beatles
20. The Weeknd ft. Daft Punk - Starboy
21. Khalid - Location
22. Charlie Puth - Attention
23. Shawn Mendes - There's Nothing Holdin' Me Back
24. Cardi B - Bodak Yellow (Money Moves)
25. Childish Gambino - Redbone
26. Zayn & Taylor Swift - I Don't Wanna Live Forever (Fifty Shades Darker)
27. Kygo & Selena Gomez - It Ain't Me
28. Kyle ft. Lil Yachty - iSpy
29. Julia Michaels - Issues
30. Alessia Cara - Scars To Your Beautiful
31. Logic ft. Alessia Cara & Khalid - 1-800-273-8255
32. Niall Horan - Slow Hands
33. Rihanna - Love On The Brain
34. The Weeknd ft. Daft Punk - I Feel It Coming
35. Big Sean - Bounce Back
36. Liam Payne ft. Quavo - Strip That Down
37. Drake - Fake Love
38. Maroon 5 ft. Kendrick Lamar - Don't Wanna Know
39. Taylor Swift - Look What You Made Me Do
40. Ed Sheeran - Castle On The Hill
41. Machine Gun Kelly & Camila Cabello - Bad Things
42. The Chainsmokers - Paris
43. Ariana Grande ft. Nicki Minaj - Side To Side
44. Clean Bandit ft. Sean Paul & Anne-Marie - Rockabye
45. Portugal. The Man - Feel It Still
46. DJ Snake ft. Justin Bieber - Let Me Love You
47. Demi Lovato - Sorry Not Sorry
48. 21 Savage - Bank Account
49. Justin Timberlake - Can't Stop The Feeling
50. J Balvin & Willy William ft. Beyonce - Mi Gente
51. Imagine Dragons - Thunder
52. Migos - T-Shirt
53. Yo Gotti ft. Nicki Minaj - Rake It Up
54. Shawn Mendes - Mercy
55. Kodak Black - Tunnel Vision
56. Post Malone ft. 21 Savage - Rockstar
57. Brett Young - In Case You Didn't Know
58. Twenty One Pilots - Heathens
59. Halsey - Now Or Never
60. Amine - Caroline
61. Ayo & Teo - Rolex
62. Kendrick Lamar - DNA.
63. Zay Hilfigerrr & Zayion McCall - Juju On That Beat (TZ Anthem)
64. Rae Sremmurd - Swang
65. Drake - Passionfruit
66. Kendrick Lamar ft. Rihanna - Loyalty.
67. Kesha - Praying
68. Travis Scott - Goosebumps
69. Maroon 5 ft. Future - Cold
70. D.R.A.M. ft. Lil Yachty - Broccoli
71. Calvin Harris ft. Frank Ocean & Migos - Slide
72. Kane Brown ft. Lauren Alaina - What Ifs
73. Katy Perry ft. Skip Marley - Chained To The Rhythm
74. Calvin Harris ft. Pharrell Williams, Katy Perry & Big Sean - Feels
75. Jon Bellion - All Time Low
76. Luke Combs - Hurricane
77. Sam Smith - Too Good At Goodbyes
78. Khalid - Young Dumb & Broke
79. Playboi Carti - Magnolia
80. SZA ft. Travis Scott - Love Galore
81. A Boogie Wit da Hoodie ft. Kodak Black - Drowning
82. Hailee Steinfeld & Grey ft. Zedd - Starving
83. Gucci Mane ft. Drake - Both
84. Pink - What About Us
85. Jason Derulo ft. Nicki Minaj & Ty Dolla $ign - Swalla
86. Migos ft. Gucci Mane - Slippery
87. Harry Styles - Sign Of The Times
88. Adele - Water Under The Bridge
89. Miley Cyrus - Malibu
90. Marian Hill - Down
91. Cheat Codes ft. Demi Lovato - No Promises
92. Shawn Mendes - Treat You Better
93. Gucci Mane ft. Migos - I Get The Bag
94. Dustin Lynch - Small Town Boy
95. YFN Lucci ft. PnB Rock - Everyday We Lit
96. Camila Cabello ft. Young Thug - Havana
97. Maroon 5 ft. SZA - What Lovers Do
98. Blackbear - Do Re Mi
99. Xxxtentacion - Look At Me
100. Keith Urban ft. Carrie Underwood - The Fighter

3

 

Jesus Christ has there ever been this much rap on a year end list before

[Wumbo]

tides are a turnin

[Steel Sponge]

Okay, I lied. I am going to make my music lists and I'm going to do them here. At the very least, it'll make up for what's going to be all that lost time for my animation list (or lists depending on whether or not I'm compelled to do a bottom 10 for it) due to still having some stuff to catch up on.

I am going to write up my respective music countdowns a little differently though. No honorable/dishonorable mentions and full rankings, since I'm planning to post that on my blog.

Edited December 12, 2017 by Cousin Mel

[Steel Sponge]

Hello all, this is me, Steel Sponge, saying: Ffffff-screw you 2017! Sure, we go through some pretty distressing stuff in the headlines every year, but it’s not just about that for me, I’m just going to burn the yearbooks for this year. 2017 was a harmful virus that caught up with my personal life, so I have a reason to consider this as the worst year in my lifetime by far. I’m so mad about this year that I’d rather talk about some of the things that I didn’t like….and of course, since I still haven’t touched down on enough material for my worst of animation reviews, I have no other option than to bounce right back to talking about the pop music this year I loved and loathed. No need to make this preamble any longer. Let’s get right to the lists:

 

Steel’s Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2017

 

Spoiler

 

I have a feeling that I’m going to lose a lot of friends with this choice…
 

10. Chained to the Rhythm / Katy Perry featuring Skip Marley

Katy Perry is back and she’s here to make a political statement! She wants her listeners to come right out of their little bubbles to pay more attention to the conflicts of the world because they’re being absorbed by the root of all that is evil and makes us act so ignorant, and that of course is the media – a form of entertainment that Katy Perry herself creates. If I like the idea of Katy trying to make a political statement about how our ignorance is getting the best of us, then why do I feel frustrated whenever I come back to this?

It’s not because I think this kind of material that Katy is touching down on feels hypocritical when she herself has made mindless fun music before (it’s more ironic in the sense that Katy at the time of writing this didn’t want to make mindless, happy-sounding pop), it’s not because I find it insulting in the way it feels like Katy is calling out her listeners for being oblivious about the problems that the world is facing, calling us “wasted zombies” and such, but it’s really because I find the song to be an absolute buzzkill. In fact, Ive seen better cynical-sounding music being made better from otherwise cynical musicians like Lily Allen, Morrissey, and to a lesser extent, Blur. This song feels so super cynical, but not in a good way.

I’ve really wanted to like this song, but the more I tried to look into it, it has only frustrated me more to the point of putting this in my Bottom 10. A part of me also feels that I shouldn’t hate this so much because I’m aware that Katy has been suffering from depression and it involves her current identity crisis.

One main reason why I can’t seem to stand this song is due to the fact that the message doesn’t connect with me as I’m not so much of an optimist and that I have a sense of awareness. In addition, I think the best way to convince those blissful listeners is to not point the finger of suspicion to the media that we normally consume everyday or make the tone on the chorus sound like they’re being talked to like they’re, well…”wasted zombies.” Surely, the instrumentation is very well produced but the buzzkill tone that I see in it still gets to me when I’m reminded of the song’s nature in which it’s purposeful music in disguise of a mindless pop song. I just see little reason to feel like dancing to it because of that distinction. Skip Marley is also on the track, and while I do think he adds some unusually good chemistry towards the song’s tone, his presence is not enough to really change my mind.

Hopefully, Katy Perry still stays strong. I’m also hoping she’ll regain that touch that made me enjoy some of her songs in the past. Listening to some of the other singles off of Witness, it makes me think whether or not I actually miss her Prism days.

 

 

Spoiler

 

So, um…my next pick is a leftover from 2016, but let’s be real here: I don’t think anyone from that year has made unbearable noise that still doesn’t hold up more than these folks:

9. Starving / Hailee Steinfeld and Grey featuring Zedd

I haven’t got enough room for this song on my last year’s Bottom 10, but somehow it manages to continue to be as bad enough to rank up with the other hits that I’ve disliked this year. First of all, that acoustic guitar and the electronic instrumentation is not a good mix. However, that’s not even the worst that the song has to offer when compared to the horrendous pitch-shifting at the drop that sounds like a spirit summoning spell. The problems I have with the song aren’t even limited to its painful metaphors like “Emotional earthquake, bring on disaster,” and “I didn’t know I was starving till’ I tasted you.” That and also the “By the way, right away, you do things to my body” line still make my skin crawl.

 

 

Spoiler

 

8. Don’t Wanna Know / Maroon 5 (barely) featuring Kendrick Lamar

What can I say about this song that everyone else hasn’t already? Not much, but I can’t agree more when folks have criticized the production and lyrical content for being generic af. Not only do I find this generic, but also very safe-sounding to the point where I can’t help but have something like the Rugrats opening sequence playing in my mind whenever I hear this. I know that Maroon 5 has made some inoffensive stuff before, but they take it to a new level here. Kendrick Lamar is on the song, but his talent ends up being wasted here, like his presence just doesn’t seem to add anything. It’s bad enough to the point where his verse does not appear in the music video. What’s even worse about the song is that it’s not even the worst that M5 put out between last year and this year. It may be painfully inoffensive, but it’s inoffensive enough from getting any lower.

 

 

Spoiler

 

7. Shape of You / Ed Sheeran

“You think “Shape of You” is worse than “Don’t Wanna Know?” WHAT???” Hear me out on this: when comparing M5 and Ed Sheeran’s bare minimums, I think Ed doesn’t do it any better on here. The song has a fairly catchy beat, but it’s also repetitive enough for me to sick of it in less than two months. You can also pretty much say that overplay killed it enough for me to rank it lower, but that’s not all there is to “Shape of You” that frustrates me. The songwriting comes off as incredibly unsexy with classic lines such as:

Your love was handmade for somebody like me

 

Although my heart is falling too
I'm in love with your body

 

Last night you were in my room
And now my bedsheets smell like you

 

Other than that, there’s also the whole bit with Ed having a date with his girl, talking about the bad times and if her family is doing alright as if it’s romantic. Last of all, there’s the climax where the instrumentation builds up more…but Ed Sheeran’s subdued rap-singing voice remains the same. I’ve hated this song upon first listen, and I’m glad I haven’t changed my mind. Ed Sheeran has definitely done so much better.

 

Spoiler

 

Going through the early worst hit songs reviews on YouTube, I wasn’t surprised that this particular made most of those lists. And look here, it has also made mine.
 

6. Rake It Up / Yo Gotti and Mike WiLL Made-It featuring Nicki Minaj

This isn’t apparently the worst hip hop single on the year-end list that I’ve heard this year, but it is surely the laziest that I’ve heard this year. It’s even coming from two artists and one producer that I’ll go as far to say is capable of better. To sum up my thoughts, the production work is incredibly standard, the songwriting is incredibly standard, and when it comes to the performances from Yo Gotti and Nicki, they both only come off as uninteresting. It’s a lifeless slog of a song that some of you guys would be surprised to see only being at #6. If there’s any additional commentary that I have to add, Nicki Minaj provided some of the most painful bits here, especially when she opens up her verse by rhyming Chyna with “China” three times, one of them containing a double entendre where she adds in “vagina.” There are also some of the painful lyrics from Yo Gotti, but I’m leaving discussion for that to any other music critic here with the song on his/her list. This is a nitpick, but there’s also the angry 50-year old redneck sounding “BITCH!” line that is repeated during one of the verses that annoys the heck out of me. For a club-ready song, it’s anything but fun.

 

Spoiler

 

Moving away from rappers like Yo Gotti, we move on to the breed of rappers that are best known for their controversy and/or for creating shock value. Some people reading this will quiver when I say the name of the artist appearing on the lower half of my list: XXXTennisballs….err XXXTentacion.

5. Look At Me! / XXXTentacion

Just so you guys know, yes, I am highly aware of some of the stuff that this guy has been involved in and his controversy usually never goes unnoticed. I’m not here to talk about if XXXTentacion’s crimes affect my enjoyment of listening to his music, because it doesn’t and I would’ve asked some people if some of the stuff that other musical artists like Wes Scantlin have done make them hate a band or singer’s music right away if I were to talk about the rapper’s controversy in depth. Jahseh Onfroy may be horrible as a person, but I don’t think he’s a bad rapper at all. I’ve listened to about half of the 17 album, and I got to say, he brings a very unique style to hip hop. Of course, “Look At Me!” is a large exception.

My distaste for this track mostly has to do with the fact that I feel it doesn’t even belong on the pop charts. Granted, this originated from SoundCloud. However, while XXXTentacion has a distinct lo-fi sound to his music, I don’t see it working here due to its heavy amount of reverb that makes you feel like you’re listening to a bass-boosted video of a song’s audio. And of course, like how most people have already expressed, the lyrical content is also a big turn-off for me as XXX cries out “Look at me!” as if it were a cry for attention, but not only that, there’s also lines in which XXX goes on about not being able to keep his sausage in his pants and messing up with a woman’s throat at a Starbucks, which make me sick to my stomach. It’s a pretty ugly-sounding song, and people 10 years from now will be wondering how we decided to make this song big enough to reach the year-end chart, but I think this is a reasonable enough placement and reasonable amount of contempt from an interesting rapper.

 

Spoiler

 

Now we’re moving away from musical artists best known for their controversy and onto an artist who is now very well-known for creating controversy. Look what you made me do, Taylor Swift…

4. Look What You Made Me Do / Taylor Swift

I’ll admit, the song starts off good with the instrumentation that sounds like it came from MediEvil, but as the song continues on, my listening experience just worsens. That Right Said Fred sample…it’s just so bad. On top of that, the transition into that melody is bad as well. Heck, the song doesn’t even know what kind of melody it’s going for when you add up the opening verses and the rap melody that appears a little before midway into the song.

The biggest issue I have with the song is undoubtedly Taylor’s personality, which of course, is based on the bad reputation she has received. Overtime, I’ve gotten tired of the bad girl archetype, one reason why I’ve had “Sorry Not Sorry” considered for my Bottom 10. While I find that side of Demi in her respective song more believable, there’s nothing cool or likeable about that side of Taylor’s personality that makes me believe what she’s saying, however. I find little to appreciate about the song, especially when it comes to this bit:

 

I’m sorry. The old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now
Why? Oh, ‘cause she’s dead!

 

 

I knew I’ve had a good reason for putting this way below “Chained to the Rhythm” because even Taylor’s cynicism is more painful on here. Taylor Swift, you really are a nightmare dressed like a daydream. Just don’t make songs like this again, please.

 

Spoiler

 

I’ll have to admit, I gave away a little too much towards my bottom three, and there’s no better way for me to talk about the next one than acknowledge it as the one that’s apparently going to be my most controversial choice…
 

3. Do Re Mi / blackbear

This guy has a personality compared to G-Eazy and MGK, yes. This song also has a distinct melody. Yet, my enjoyment for this song is completely destroyed by the execution for it. I find the singer’s personality to be absolutely insufferable as he complains about his ex, wants her to pay him back the time that he should’ve never spent with her and yeah…there’s just nothing I find funny about this. What’s more is that for a send-off song, it’s an immature-sounding one at that with the nursery rhyme hook and the small mention of tic tac toe adding to Musto’s pissyness and his utter scorn towards his ex without painting a bigger picture about this messy relationship. It’s such an ugly send-off song with barely anything much to compensate for it. Do re mi fa so please turn this off.

 

Spoiler

 

For the first since I’ve had to talk about this particular “country” artist during my 2014 countdowns (where I would eventually regret putting “Leave the Night On” on my top 10), and after digging deeper into his discography to realize how bad his music is, I have finally got a song from Sam Hunt on my bottom 10.

2. Body Like a Back Road / Sam Hunt

Surprisingly enough, this isn’t my #1, but for most of my time just seeing this song being a top ten hit on the Hot 100, being the number-one country song for THIRTY-FOUR WEEKS, and being the 8^th biggest hit of all time on the year-end list, I was compelled that this would be the worst hit of the year for me, as much with virtually anyone else. Yet, we’ve all bought into this long enough to make this the biggest country hit of the year, and to give it a couple Grammy nominations. How? Why? “Body Like a Back Road” is the bro-country revival that we never needed, and the production on it only solidifies Sam Hunt as less of a country singer and more of a pop singer with the inclusion of trap snares and gang vocals just add insult to injury. Most of all, and most of all, you also have the very unattractive lyrics. Sam Hunt compares his now-wife’s body to a back road. It makes sense when back roads have curves, but it makes a whole lot less sense to pass it off as attractive when a back road in general is a dirty/muddy, unpaved, path that gets little attention from drivers! For clarity, here’s a picture of a human body and a back road:

 

Attractive, curved human body. Dull, curved road filled with dirt. Know the difference.

 

This is at #2 because I know I can’t hate this too much. If Sam Hunt’s wife appreciates this, thats fine. Even though I said that each single from Sam Hunt is worse than the last, “Break Up In a Small Town” is still the tip of that iceberg and he still hasn’t gotten any worse than that, but another song of his that was released this year that cut close to that quality:

Thank goodness this wasn’t an official radio release.

 

 

Spoiler

 

“What Lovers Do.” Man, what a lifeless, generic song from a band that continues to try to follow trends and try so hard to make a guaranteed radio hit. You can even tell by the way it just uses the melody from “Sexual.” – That in which I would say if I didn’t know that the band is at least capable of better. I do actually like “What Lovers Do.” It’s not great, but it’s a pleasant enough return to form after one of their other big hits this year that apparently dodged a lot of bullets when it came to the worst lists this year. And I have to ask, why?
 

1. Cold / Maroon 5 featuring Future

It was a matter of time before I could see myself giving the #1 worst spot to a Maroon 5 song, and while people have expressed contempt towards the other two M5 songs on the year-end list, this is the one M5 song that they were willing to shrug off. If you ask me, this song solidified the problem with the band not only trying to follow trends, but with Adam Levine’s creative control. “Cold” is clear example of a glorified solo Adam Levine single, and it is awful, just AWFUL.

In this song, Adam speaks of issues that he has in his relationship with a particular girl and complains about how suddenly cold-hearted she has become when it comes to stuff like asking for space in HIS house. Yeah, you tell him, Adam! No one should be asking for more space in your house besides…well, everyone, because the way you’re not putting this into a bigger perspective just makes you sound like a douche.

So, tell me Levine, how did you get so cold enough to chill my bones? It feels like I don’t know you anymore. Yeah, you see what I’m doing here, pointing out the way you’re playing victim? Anyways, to provide more details about the song, Adam talks more about his and the girl’s tensions, and as he’s wondering about the girl’s distance and silence from him, he tells her otherwise “if you want to leave, just leave.” Yeah, at this point, I don’t know who to root for here.

But wait, Future eventually steps to the mic! Of course, he only makes my thoughts on the song feel worse when he shares Levine’s emotions by riling on about the girl trying to her cut him off “like a light-switch” and gold-digging him (which sounds pretty serious, but this issue should be put more in-depth.) while he’s trying to give her space and couldn’t because of these tensions. Levine and Future just don’t come off as cool or sympathetic here. They just come off as douchey to me. To put it bluntly, for a song about sexual and relationship tensions, this is an ugly one at that.

Some people liked this for the production and I can’t blame them, but Adam’s delivery, namely in the chorus, feels so subdued. While the production isn’t as stale as it was in “Don’t Wanna Know,” I’m still reminded that this song tries to tackle the tropical sound trend like with their previous single. I’m also probably the only person to go as far as to honor this as the #1 worst hit song of the year, but that’s because not only do I dread this song from a general standpoint, but also from a personal standpoint. Sometimes, I feel like I’m living this song, like when family-related tensions came up for me after the song’s release, I can’t help but connect my current relationship with my Dad to the personality that Adam was going for in this particular song and towards the main lyrics in the chorus.

So, congrats Maroon 5….no, I mean congrats Adam Levine for providing me with the worst hit song of 2017. As for the rest of the band, they deserved better when it can easily be determined they hold little to no presence in this particular song.

 

 

[Wumbo]

Okay dude, I'm not saying this to be overly critical or anything. I am saying this because it's true. You have GOT to put paragraph breaks in your work. It is so hard to read a wall of text compared to organized paragraphs with divided thoughts. I'd like to read your list, but my eyes glaze over when I see a paragraph almost twenty lines long.

[Steel Sponge]

6 minutes ago, Les Incompetents said:

Okay dude, I'm not saying this to be overly critical or anything. I am saying this because it's true. You have GOT to put paragraph breaks in your work. It is so hard to read a wall of text compared to organized paragraphs with divided thoughts. I'd like to read your list, but my eyes glaze over when I see a paragraph almost twenty lines long.

I've taken care of that now. Hopefully I've made it better for you to look at.

[Wumbo]

You know, it feels like 2016 was the catalyst for a reckoning of some kind, in more ways than one. You have people rising up against the climate that 2016 created and 2017 continues to foster, with Trump's presidency and the shocking number of sexual assault cases brought to light. The history books will have a field day with this point in time, that's all I'll say on that. Now, on to the reckoning that this thread concerns: music!

 

If there was a year that represented rising up from the ashes, it was 2017. This wasn't the best year for music, but it was a hell of a lot better than 2016 was. I wonder what the future has in store for us. Is this just another time for hip hop to rule the airwaves like 1994 was? Is this the signifier of a new era of music altogether, much like 1964? Or is it just a blip on the radar before we settle back into more "comfortable" pop charts, like 2012? Please let it not be that last one, I like the way we're going.

And go we did! This year felt a lot more progressive and inclusive than most years, of what I can only assume is the result of a Trump presidency and minority voices finally being heard amidst the chaos. Not only was hip hop alive and well, probably more so than it has ever been, a Spanish-language song sat at #1 for sixteen weeks and became the most-viewed video ever on YouTube! Times are a-changin', for sure. But one thing that doesn't change is even in political turmoil, shitty music will always exist. And as we always do, we clean the shit out of the gutter first. So here we go with...

Wumbo's Bottom 10 Hits of 2017

Spoiler

 

 

The quest for male boy band singers to transition into sexiness has been one many attempted by many a former boy band member. Usually the transition is rocky and not well-thought-out, but this year, we had every One Direction member trying their hand at a solo career.

From Niall to Louis, the radio waves were flooding with budding new talents that we've known for about five years now. These new singles varied in quality, from Harry Styles' ambitious "Sign of the Times" to Liam Payne's laughable "Strip That Down".

 

Oh, Jesus. Aww. Who's being provocative? You are. You are!

But if we're just gonna look at outright crap for this list, we need look no further at the man who broke through first, Zayn.

 

God, I still fucking hate this song. What a useless train wreck of a track from someone clearly creatively bankrupt. And what do you do when you're creatively bankrupt? You turn to 50 Shades of Grey.

10. "I Don't Wanna Live Forever" - Zayn and Taylor Swift

 

Say what you will about the previous movie's soundtrack, at least everything there could be realistically construed as "sexy". There is no way I can listen to this and hear sexiness from either artist and especially this awful, awful beat that sounds like they just took "Pillowtalk", one of the most notoriously unsexy songs of all time, and just turned it up to eleven. Who made this? It sounds like a low drone at some points and like someone's trashing a kitchen at other points. Hot?

Zayn and Taylor Swift together on this track works about as well as you'd expect, with Taylor at least trying, but not able to lift herself out of the Zayniverse to make this track any good. See, this is the Taylor Swift disaster we all forgot about this year. How does something this catastrophic happen, and you forget about it? The power of Zayn, I guess.

And no, "Look What You Made Me Do" will not be making an appearance on the list. Figured I should get that out of the way now. Why go for the actually interesting trainwreck of a song when this song kept staring me in the face the whole year? Maybe this song is technically better than LWYMMD, but I know which one I'd rather listen to, and which one wouldn't put me to sleep. Look, we learned this from last year, didn't we? Zayn sucks, and he wouldn't know a sexy song if it hit him in the face. Consensually, of course. With a binding contract. God, does anyone find these movies sexy? With a soundtrack like this, who could the audience possibly be? Xanax patients? I'm done.

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

I don't like Sam Smith. I've never liked Sam Smith. Even when I thought I liked Sam Smith, I didn't like Sam Smith!

Every one of his songs, man, they're just... this hour-long drone with the most trite clichés as lyrics that show Sam's creativity was exhausted before he even started. But he's not on my list this year. He wasn't bad enough to qualify. If someone were to poorly imitate him, however, he definitely would be.

9. "Say You Won't Let Go" - James Arthur

 

This is the most nothing song of the year, and anything under that category is bound to be on my list. I pegged this guy as a Sam Smith impersonator, but honestly, that might be giving him too much credit. He's like a poor man's Sam Smith mixed with a poor man's The Script, taking the worst qualities of each.

Look, this is wedding music. And normally I should like this, because it's at least sweet-sounding. But James Arthur is such a nobody of a performer, and I've heard all these lines a billion times on end. I don't need to hear them again, and there is no reason for me to listen to this song. There's just no punch or power, something Sam Smith could at least say was in his wheelhouse. This guy's more like a wilting flower as the winter season rushes in. Just strikes me as dead and broken. And maybe it works for you, but I have no problem letting go of this.

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

If ever there was a redemption story for this year, it came in the form of Rae Sremmurd. At the very least, "Black Beatles" proved they could work their way around a decent beat, courtesy of another off-the-shitlist performer Mike Will Made-It. Seriously, that beat is tight. I feel like I'm listening to a New Order sample or something.

But, y'know, a duo like Rae Sremmurd can only keep up the goodwill for so long. Sooner or later, they're going to remind me why I hated them in the first place.

8. "Swang" - Rae Sremmurd

 

So, I've already told you what happens when Rae Sremmurd are put against a good beat. Here is what they sound like when they are put against a not-so-good beat. Not that this is the worst thing I've ever heard, but Rae Sremmurd clearly need a bomb ass beat to accentuate their... um, "strengths". And this is not the beat for them.

OR MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE SWAE LEE PUTS ON THE WORST, MOST ANNOYING TONE POSSIBLE IN HIS SINGING

Come on, I don't even like Rae Sremmurd, and I know they're better than this on the average. I'm not saying this isn't "Black Beatles" level, I'm saying this isn't up to par with any of their songs. I thought I was tolerant enough of them to keep them off a worst list. Not this time.

Look, Rae Sremmurd basically have one topic in their oeuvre: "We are successful, rich, and famous, and we are proud of it." That's it, that's what basically all their songs are. So what they do to differentiate them is come up with new sounds for them. "Black Beatles" worked, and this... does not. I don't even know what they were thinking. They're capable of better, so why not do better? Then again, if this crap can get popular, why stop making crap? Capitalism!

Such a waste, I can't even bother with this anymore. Next!

 

 

Spoiler

 

You know, I generally try to keep songs I've already put on a worst list off of the new one. Not to say they've gotten better, but it's redundant to talk about songs I've already talked about, especially when I have nothing new to say. But I do make exceptions for the ones that deserve it. And though this song was quickly forgotten in 2017, it still had enough juice to make it onto the year-end. So, onto the list it goes... again.

7. "Treat You Better" - Shawn Mendes

 

Ughhhhhhh.

Thankfully, Shawn Mendes has at least gotten "better" with his performances, in that he's actually learned his way around a hook and has some stage presence that doesn't remind me of wet flannel. But that doesn't erase the fact that this song still existed for a brief period in 2017. And it hasn't gotten any better.

Just... wow. I got the love for Justin Bieber in his teenage heyday, he was a cute, Radio Disney-esque pop star. This guy I guess fits the heartthrob category, but beyond that he was just terrible. I can't imagine why anyone would ever want to listen to this, ever, unless they were, like, really desperate for bottom-of-the-barrel artists that "count" because they play four chords of a guitar. Bite me.

Like I said, the kid got better. But not good enough for me to forget that he released one of the worst songs I've ever heard. That braying yelp... it's like he's being tazed in the nuts every time he sings "BED A DADDY CAN" at the top of his lungs. It's almost enough to feel sorry for him. But then you remember that the message of this song is basically due to Nice Guy Syndrome, and you stop. I've already gone on long enough about this inexplicable hit, now on to more new stuff. Shawn fucking Mendes. Batter Denny Ken.

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

One of my favourite hip hop songs of all time is The Notorious B.I.G.'s "Juicy", in which he starts out addressing the people who gave him hardships in his life and never believed in him before he became famous. Basically, it's a shout out to the haters, but done in a way and used in a context where it's totally justified, makes sense, and actually serves to enhance the song. You understand Biggie's struggle and where he came from, you empathize with him, and you appreciate his appreciation for his fame and success.

All right. So that's how to do it right! Here's how to do it very, very wrong.

6. "Tunnel Vision" - Kodak Black

 

This song makes me want to puke.

So, Kodak, fresh off his pending rape charges, decided to release a song which had the lyrics:

I jumped up out the Wraith, Kodak bought a Wraith
I get any girl I want, any girl I want

Oh, no. Those aren't the lyrics. Come on, what were they before?

I get any girl I want, I don’t gotta rape

Yep!

That one line. Usually one line isn't enough to ruin the tone of a song for me, but that one line flushes any, and I mean any potential the song had, straight down the fuckin' toilet. This line, in context with Kodak's actual rap charges, kill any power the song had. You're just an asshole.

Lil Kodak, they don't like to see you winnin'
They wanna see you in the penitentiary

Well, should you be there? Are you innocent of your crimes? Sorry, I cannot elicit any sympathy for this narrative. You cannot possibly have this little foresight.

It's a shame, because this is a pretty good beat, with the panpipes sample there. But literally any other rapper with any other topic would have done it more justice than this. Kodak, I don't wanna see you winnin'. Because you suck. There.

 

 

Spoiler

 

I legitimately thought we were done with this. I thought 2016 killed off bro-country for good, with Florida Georgia Line even refusing to stick around on the charts.

But then... this song happened, and I just yearned for the sweet embrace of death.

5. "Body Like a Back Road" - Sam Hunt

 

That's it. We've hit bottom. Country music cannot possibly get more meatheaded and brain-dead than this. I refuse to live in a world where this is not the stupidest possible country song anyone could possibly release.

Everything about this is wrong, wrong, wrong. If it were just another dumb country song, I could ignore it. But this one goes the extra mile, starting with one of the stupidest similes I've heard in any song.

Body... like a... back road. With lyrics like this, I just picture the process behind them. How many people did this have to get run through? How many people approved this song? How many people could have possibly said, "no, this sucks, go back, start over"? WHERE. IS. THE QUALITY CONTROL?

I'm trying to think of anything that could make this song better. The "back road" comparison is near-unsalvageable, but maybe there are things that could have been done. But every decision made is just wrong, wrong, wrong. There's no booming, strong country music to drown out the stupid lines. Instead, we get a bare-bones round-the-campfire instrumentation with some baffling crowd chanting "AY AY AY" throughout the track, further lengthening country's boner for hip hop. If only they could be as cool as Lil Yachty. No, I'm not joking.

Thankfully, there were no other country songs near as bad this year, but this is a pretty deep pit to fall. Lord help us if things get any worse, I might have to drive down a back road, off a cliff, just as fast as I can. AY AY AY

 

 

Spoiler

 

Now, you're going to have to follow me on this one, because this song isn't smarmy and stupid like "Back Road", nor egregiously offensive like "Tunnel Vision", nor fundamentally broken like "Treat You Better". But nevertheless, I've tried to come up with reason upon reason why someone might want to listen to this a second time. And other than out of obligation for putting it on a worst list, I can't think of one.

4. "Location" - Khalid

 

I legitimately do not get the popularity behind this guy. And this one's probably gonna be a me thing. But all I hear in this is Sam Smith without the punch, against a beat that really has no power behind it, and doesn't go anywhere. It's one of the longest drones I've had to sit through while doing this list.

I legitimately miss when R&B guys weren't afraid to belt. I can't do anything with this performance style. All it does is make me feel sleepy. And that's generally not what I listen to music for.

Nothing sticks. I listen to this song and immediately forget about it right after. This nothing of a beat, coupled with this nothing of a performer, make for indeed the most nothing song of the year. Sorry, James Arthur. The king has been dethroned.

All I ask is for a reason for me to want to listen again. And after the first time, I have no desire to do so. Sorry.

 

 

Spoiler

 

I may be new and even a little unsure when it comes to a lot of these artists, and 2017's music climate as a whole. But one thing I know for certain is that Drake needs to GO THE FUCK AWAY.

3. "Fake Love" - Drake

 

I am so tired of this self-righteous, pompous, untalented ass. Okay, he was talented at some point. Where it went, I have no idea. He hasn't had a single good song in two years now. I listened to that entire new album, or playlist, or whatever the fuck he wanted to call it. There wasn't a single memorable moment from that collection, and this was the very worst track of them all.

Hey guys! Did you know Drake is sick of fake people? Did you get that vibe? No? Well, here he is to complain about it to you again! You know, if you're gonna spend the rest of your career jerking yourself off and whining about the pressures of fame, why not just quit? I guarantee that you won't be missed. Nobody needs this whiny, uninspired, pool of cold urine compressed into an audio file. And if rehashing your old work and old ideas is all you have to offer us now, Drake, then maybe you should step out of the game and let the new generation take over. I would rather listen to Rae Sremmurd's very worst song than "Fake Love". Think about that.

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

Are you, Billie Joe? Are you still breathing? Or is your genre on its last legs?

Nah, that's not fair. Rock music is still alive and well, it just isn't relevant to pop music anymore. Not really, anyway. You don't see very many rock hits getting so big that they cross over to the pop charts. But once in a blue moon, it does still happen. And when it does, unfortunately, I find myself more often than not wishing it hadn't. Because all I feel when listening to this song in particular is...

PAIN

2. "Believer" - Imagine Dragons

 

If you read my alt chart ranking with Clappy, you already basically know my thoughts on this song. My thoughts haven't changed, but I am left just perplexed at how this became a hit of any kind, let alone a TOP TEN YEAR END POP HIT. This song? HOW?! It doesn't work in any context, how does it work in a pop context? I know 2017 threw some curveballs, but this is the most inexplicable hit of them all.

I hate this band. I just god damn fucking hate this band. I view them as a force of evil and ill will, and as long as we keep them around, I fear rock getting less and less relevant as time goes on. That's right. They're the Nickelback of this decade. For God's sake. NICKELBACK MADE BETTER MUSIC THIS YEAR.

Get this pseudo-rock, pseudo-indie, pseudo-music crap off my airwaves. I literally want to go into whatever studio this was recorded in and burn it to the ground for their crimes against music. Dan Reynolds tried to make a trailer-bait car-commercial-bait song and wound up sounding like a two-year-old who hasn't had his nap. This is audio cancer. And if this band survives into 2018, well, then expect further PAIN to come.

 

 

Spoiler

 

Okay.

So throughout this list, I have been disappointed, disgusted, and appalled at the various levels of bad that I have been offered. From Zayn's tuneless droning to Kodak Black's shocking tastelessness to Imagine Dragons' unlistenable garbage. But at the very least, with all of these acts, I can feel comfortable in saying that they are legitimate artists. People that at the very least, have the capabilities to make a statement with their music. Whether they botch that statement is up in the air, but it's a statement regardless. Yes, all the artists thus far I would classify as "real artists".

These two, I would not.

1. "Juju on That Beat (TZ Anthem)" - Zay Hilfigerrr & Zayion McCall

 

...No.

No, this is where I draw the line. Fuck these hacks. I try to be forgiving to kid performers (I assume these guys can't be older than like, 16) but there is no excuse to have this little talent and this much arrogance. There is absolutely no way to excuse this shit.

It's just a worse form of "Watch Me".

 

And THAT song, if you will recall, had no express purpose other than listing off a bunch of dances that other people created! I hated it. I hated it with all my soul. But it's still more competent than this shit.

At the very, very bare minimum, Silentó had stage presence. I could see him tricking a few kids into doing some of the dances in his song. These two are not ready for prime time. They sound like they haven't had a single moment of vocal training or one second to rethink any of these lyrics.

I'm a Detroit baby and I don't know nothin' else
Besides drinkin' and havin' parties and havin' some fun

Okay. I grew up in the 2000s, where crunk was the shit.

 

Those lyrics never really asked to be analyzed. But at least they had bite behind them in their performers, and at least they weren't as lazy as what I just showed you above! This song is a barren wasteland of creativity, fronted by two lost children who sound like they haven't even finished grade school. They don't even have their own Wikipedia pages. I ask you, how lame do you have to be not to have a Wikipedia page even though you had a smash hit? You have to not be a real performer, that's how lame. And neither of these guys are worth exploring further.

I see Zay posted recently that he's excited about new music to share with the public. Please, please, please do not let these guys have a second hit. Then we might have to start caring about them as performers and actually writing Wikipedia articles on them. And if that's the case, then I only see dark things to come for 2018. And stop calling my dad ugly! You goddamn weirdos.

 

 

[Clappy]

So about that best of television list....it will have to wait just a tad bit longer!

Yeah I'm sorry about the delay but as I posted in my status update, I'm still waiting on my new laptop battery.  So until then, I'm doing everything I can to keep writing up entertainment lists on my iPhone and iPad.  But I don't like to keep you guys waiting on my writings, so over the course of the weekend, I worked on another list entirely.  Steel and Wumbo posted theirs already, so here is my worst hit songs list of 2017 instead!

 

2017: What the Fuck is Pop Music?  No seriously, what the hell was this year?  I…I just don’t know anymore...and yet, I'm intrigued.  While 2016 was a toxic wasteland for pop music, 2017 was a sign that the times sure are changing.  Pop music sounded like it was dying while rap music rose to an even bigger stage of prominence in the mainstream.  Is this year a blip on the radar or is it a sign of even bigger things to come?  I'm curious now more than I ever was last year and to me, I'm going to try and pay even closer attention to the Billboard charts to see what goes on.  When you barely recognize nearly half of the songs on this list, you know it's a sign you are falling out of touch Old Man Clappy.

That being said, there was still plenty of shit to go through and my tolerance levels were definitely tested.  So let's get this year wrapped up properly.

 

Dishonorable Mentions:

Spoiler

“Now or Never” – Halsey

I don’t mind Halsey at all, but I can’t stand this.  It’s a lighter, less personality driven version of “Needed Me”, a song I already had no use for whatsoever.  It’s obnoxious and exactly what I mean when pop music this year sounded supremely vapid.

 

“What About Us” – Pink

Essentially the same damn Pink song once again.  If she is going to keep being blatantly uncreative and not willing to take any chances, I’m just going to keep putting her on this list for the forseeable future.  At least this one wasn’t as big as sell out as last year’s.

 

“Bad Things” – Machine Gun Kelly & Camila Cabello

If making yourself as bland and uninteresting as possible is what it takes to make it in the mainstream, then Machine Gun Kelly is well on his way to getting rid of every single aspect that made me interested in him as a performer in the first place.

 

“Rolex” – Ayo & Teo

I may not be the biggest Rae Sremmurd fan, but I know a blatant rip-off when I hear one.  At least I can tell those two apart, I don’t know which one is which here and I can’t stand either of them.  I’ve heard so much better luxury rap than this.

 

“Say You Won’t Let Go” – James Arthur

SNORE!

 

“Cold” – Maroon 5 (featuring Future)

The year Maroon 5 became an actual band again!  Not 2017.  What a fitting song title for a miserable, soulless, incompetent mess. 

 

“Shape of You” – Ed Sheeran

Biggest song of the year.  Like it or not, it was inescapable.  Yes magnets can push and pull dumbass.

 

“Juju on Dat Beat” – No Name and What’s His Face

I was ready to declare this one of the worst hit songs of the year in the brainstorming phases of this list.  But at the end of the day, there is only so little rage I can build up for an act that is meant to be entertainment for grade school children.  Still absolute shit though.

 

“Strip That Down” – Liam Payne (featuring Quavo)

You know those sort of heavily polished movies or television shows that scream take us seriously because we were handcrafted by Hollywood to succeed?  Well this is the most blatant form of the music industry trying to force Liam Payne into being the next big thing in pop music.  From the FIFTEEN songwriters to having Ed Sheeran as your hype man on the chorus (as well as one of the songwriters) and especially the Quavo guest verse.  I so badly wanted to place this on the list for being the most forced hit song of the year, but I’ve grown numb to it at this point and it’s not worth being on the list proper.

 

“Starving” – Hailee Steinfeld & Grey (featuring Zedd)

Almost made the list last year and almost made it again this year.  Hailee Steinfeld seriously deserves better than this.

 

“Drowning” – A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie (featuring Kodak Black)

This is actually not that bad.  I dig those organs a lot.  But two things made it sink this low.  One and this is a minor one, while I don’t think he’s that bad of a rapper, I will probably never get over A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie’s stage name.  That is way up there for one of the stupidest stage names I’ve EVER heard.  Two, Kodak Black has without a doubt one of the worst lyrics I’ve seen in quite some time and it’s the main reason this is on this list.

I’m the shit, I’m farting.  Don’t know how to potty.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS GUY.  EW EW EW LET'S JUST JUMP TO THE MAIN LIST ALREADY!

 

CLAPPY'S TOP TEN WORST HIT SONGS OF 2017

 

Spoiler

I can’t figure out a better way to start off this list proper then pointing out a recurring theme for me with hit music this year.  I’m getting too old for this shit.

10. “Look at Me” - XXXTentacion

 

Guys I’m a few years away from 30 and while I try my hardest to stay up to date with new trends and pop culture as a whole since it interests me, there are a few things that fly over my head.  For example, take this guy, XXXTentacion.  He got big off of SoundCloud, which is a streaming service that is finally becoming a thing nearly ten years after its release.  The fact that SoundCloud is becoming relevant after so many years of being a half-assed Spotify just blows my mind.  And now we have an influx of rappers showing up from out of nowhere that make me feel even more out of the loop.  So many of these new guys that are getting hits are not ready for the major leagues and should stay in the music farm system (except for Lil Uzi Vert, he can stick around).

But let me clear, I don’t hate this song for making me feel out of the loop.  No, I hate this song because it’s fucking awful.  Everything about this is repulsive.  That beat is utter crap and the attitude surrounding this demo of a song is just horrible.  He brags heavily about the stuff that he does to his girl and yours (because all rappers have to remind you what they do to your girlfriend specifically) and killing your parents…yep you heard that right.  At first I laughed at the thought of that, but after noticing he spent prison time for gun possession, robbery, false imprisonment, witness tampering, and most notably assault and battery charges against a pregnant woman, dear sweet Jesus.  I guess the song succeeded on that front for making me want to look at him, not in a good light.

I could respect it on that front, but let me be clear here.  That would require for the rapper to be that good, but X here is squawking look at me like he’s a child craving attention.  Quit mistaking confusion for interest, you toxic scum.

 

Spoiler

I’ve got to be honest.  This top ten list was difficult to write about this year.  It was hard to distinguish some of the songs I found bad this year because there is so little to actually talk about with some of these.  But if there is a will, there is a way.  And my thoughts on Zayn have not improved in 2017.

9. “I Don’t Wanna Live Forever” – Zayn & Taylor Swift

Nearly a year later after my initial ramblings about this and I still find this song remarkably uninteresting.  Zayn is just an anti-charismatic vacuum of a performer that sucks the life out of anything he does.  His music is the epitome of grim lifeless garbage pop music. 

As for the song itself, I still have to ask, who in the hell finds this sexy?  I sure as hell don’t.  But you know what’s even more surprising to me?

http://www.billboard.com/articles/columns/pop/7957673/taylor-swift-zayn-malik-i-dont-wanna-live-forever-oscar-campaign-universal-pictures

Academy Award nominated Zayn.  ACADEMY AWARD NOMINATED ZAYN.  FOR THIS TURD SANDWICH!?

Uh, there has to be something else to mention….oh yeah.  While Reputation wasn’t nearly as bad as I feared it to be, I definitely called Taylor Swift’s new direction being a massive disappointment.  You know what is sexy?  Taylor singing about taking off her jacket in Style.  You know what’s not?  Taylor Swift sitting waiting and being taken to all the nicest places. 

God how many ways are there to say this is boring…

 

Spoiler

Don’t worry you guys, I’m not placing Despacito on the worst list.  Yeah I got as sick of it as everyone else did this year, but at the very least I get the appeal.  It’s okay.  Latin pop made a huge comeback this year and is now a trend to watch going forward thanks to how big Despacito got.  And you could tell the music industry badly wanted to find the next Despacito with the amount of interchangeable Latin pop that got pushed.  But fear not, the music listening public gave us another Top 5 hit from the genre…and my god, what the hell is this shit?

 

8. “Mi Gente” – J Balvin & Willy William

 

Seriously, that production is the main reason this song is on my worst list and rightfully warranted.  I can’t stand a single fucking second of it.  I know I said some terrible terrible things in my time of covering pop music on this site, but I take it all back.  This is the worst thing I’ve ever heard.  It’s like they are trying to shove this high pitched vocal sample down your ear drums as a torture device and they are fucking succeeding.  The first time I heard this it gave me a headache I couldn’t shake for over an hour.  I’ve gotten headaches listening to music before, but never self-inflicting.

So yeah, being literally the worst thing I’ve ever heard produced on a mainstream hit song, how’s the rest of the song?  Unremarkable to be honest.  J Balvin is bragging about how his rhythm makes this girl’s body move and how he makes entertaining music…HAHAHAHA HE IS LISTENING TO THIS SONG, RIGHT?  No seriously, this guy is so boring and dull, that you don’t need a translation to know that he is anti-charismatic as us anglos.  And don’t even get me started on this Willy William guy.

He’s ripping off Pitbull.  HE’S RIPPING OFF PITBULL ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.  You know you’re desperate to crossover if you’re going to rip off the biggest mainstream Hispanic pop artist to get recognized.  If this song has made me feel anything besides constant annoyance, it’s making me miss the hell out of Pitbull because at least Pitbull sounds like he’s capable of having a good time.  The only thing Willy has going for him is that he can rip off Pitbull’s catchphrases.

For the record, you can thank the Beyoncé remix for saving this from falling any lower.  Because Queen B gives this song some much needed personality.  And it’s got a good cause behind it too with what’s going on in Puerto Rico.  Music can be a great form of how to give proceeds to charity, but that doesn’t justify the quality of the music.  And Mi Gente is a heaping pile of audio dogshit.

 

Spoiler

Did I drop the ball by not including this song on my dishonorable mentions list last year?  Honestly, I thought this was actually pretty fucking hilarious that I couldn’t place it on there since I found some sort of enjoyment from it when there was so much worst from that god awful year of hit music.  I mean look at this.  On paper it’s embarrassing to hear a 34 year old rapper finally get his big break by talking about how the only game he has is on social media.  What a loser HAHAHAHA.  No, to make this list, you have to suck any form of enjoyment out of me.

 

7. “Rake It Up” – Yo Gotti (featuring Nicki Minaj)

 

So I guess I have to actually start taking the Down In the DM guy seriously if we are going to give him a second hit.  But this only confirms that this guy is an even bigger loser than I thought if he has to spend $20,000 dollars to get a stripper’s attention.  Which for the record, is by far one of the STUPIDEST MOVES EVER.  Why the hell would you brag about throwing that much money on one stripper?!  That’s not bragworthy, that’s pathetic!  Like what the hell is wrong with you man!?

But my problems with this sink deeper than just the concept of wasting a ridiculous amount of money to get a lap dance.  No, it’s that this is limp and lifeless.  Isn’t it a requirement for strip club anthems to have some sort of pulse?  At least sound like you are having a good time you spent $20,000 dollars you doofus.  I refuse to believe Mike Will Made This because it sounds so simple and basic that I could have made this. 

Oh and then you have Nicki Minaj, who clearly phoned this verse in.  She rhymes China…with China…five times…did she lose a dare or something?  Because the biggest news for Nicki in 2017 was that she was in a rap beef with Remy Ma, who straight up destroyed her in a diss track and Nicki spent most of the year bringing up this beef, but not once was I impressed.  But this verse right here.  This is the sort of shallow plastic bullshit that Remy Ma was calling her out on.  Thank god we got Cardi B this year to actually challenge Nicki for the title of queen mainstream rapper because when you have this toxic waste of a performance, you start questioning what good we saw in her in the first place.

The more hits this guy keeps raking up, the dumber we all get as a society.

 

Spoiler

Well this is still god awful.

6. "Tunnel Vision" - Kodak Black

 

I try my damndest to separate the person from the music and for the most part, I feel like I succeed at that most of the time.  But sometimes, it just takes one line to make an exception and I can't think of a more prime example than Kodak bragging about how he can get any girl he wants without raping.  Dear god I still can’t fucking stand this manipulative piece of shit song.  Kodak should be rotting away in prison.  I already ranted enough about how much I despise this song and how terrible of a person Kodak Black is…but with how much of his music was dropped on the charts this year, I was forced to listen to more from the guy. 

 

Seriously, Kodak Black was inescapable this year in terms of how often he appeared on the charts.  At the very least, I can say I see why people THINK he’s talented as he’s part of the reason trap music was big this year.  Key word: THINK.  He has a knack for picking out good productions on SOME of his music.  That’s all the credit I’m going to ever give the guy because I fucking hate his flow.  At least Cardi B, who has the same flow he does, annunciates and sounds intimidating.  Kodak is just garbage and we’d all be better off leaving this trash behind in 2017.

 

Spoiler

Like I said last month, I’m not going to be coy about how much this song gives me….PAIN!

5. “Believer” – Imagine Dragons

 

First things first:

This is the worst chorus of the year.  It is nauseatingly bad. 

Second things second:

What is the intended tone of this song?  To be trailer music?  Because Imagine Dragons already sold their souls for millions of dollars making soundtrack hits.  Nothing else about this song is remotely interesting.  Well except for that chorus.  Yes let those piercing vocals drill their way into your eardrums throughout the whole year.  Because that’s how often it was played.  Hell it’s still in the Top 40 nearly a year later.

Third things third:

If Imagine Dragons are only doing their music for crossover commercialization, why would any company want to use this song to buy their product?  Because Dan Reynolds’ screeches make you pay attention to what they are selling?  I was going to buy the Nintendo Switch without being tortured in…PAIN!

Last things last:

Fuck this song.

 

Spoiler

Look what you made Taylor Swift do, people: release a song that’s a heaping pile of cow shit.

4. “Look What You Made Me Do” – Taylor Swift

 

And who is it that made her do this?  Kim and Kanye?  Katy?  Calvin Harris?  The media?  Her next door neighbor?  Whoever the hell is responsible should be persecuted in the name of aggressively bad pop music.  This song is many things.  It’s absolutely deranged.  It’s annoyingly self-aware.  It’s a sore to my ear drums.  But I don’t think I can emphasize enough that after listening to this over and over again, it’s dull.

Yeah I know, when I first heard it, I was just like the rest of the majority thinking “what the hell is this shit?”  But actually think about it.  Taylor constantly brings up all her real life drama and feuds like they are Pokémon cards.  Yeah we know they exist, since Taylor loves to bring up her personal life in her music.  There is a difference though between stating your real life drama in your music than actually making your song dramatic.  Because everything, as terrible as it all sounds, is leading up to something huge but then it just clunks out at the awful chorus.  That I think is my biggest problem with this.  There is no payoff.  It’s a wimpy copout of a song. 

If you actually want us to look at what she’s doing, she’s still the same old Taylor Swift who is trying to reinvent her career at a nearly last ditch effort to salvage her image.

 

Spoiler

I like to keep these music year end lists as authentic as possible.  If Billboard said it was a hit, it was a hit.  And if backwash from yesteryear’s lists are going to keep showing up, then I’ll keep placing them on this list.  But why this one?

3. “Treat You Better” – Shawn Mendes

 

Seriously how in the hell did this make it on here two years in a row?  Was anyone clamoring for this song in 2017?  Did the neckbeards out there not get enough of Mr. Nice Guy over here screeching like a diseased cockatoo?  What an astonishingly terrible song.  You know what, screw this and screw my preamble.  I’ve already said enough about this last year, I’m not going to repeat myself twice.

....

…okay I guess I could say something about the artist himself.  While I still haven’t found any songs of his I can admit to liking, Shawn Mendes has shown some signs of improvement with his biggest hit from this year.  It’s not good, but it isn’t bad either.  It’s an improvement over this unpleasant garbage.  Gradual improvement doesn’t excuse him from releasing one of the worst songs I’ve ever heard though.  Good riddance Dan Egan.

 

Spoiler

You know, you have to really dig deep into the foul stenches of suck to be ranked above the second worst song of one of the worst years of pop music.  Yet 2017 managed to do just that with two songs that I can’t even justify the slightest bit.  And I can’t think of a genre that doesn’t warrant any more justification of its existence than bro-country.

2. “Body Like a Back Road” – Sam Hunt

 

I had to really think long and hard if this obnoxious stupid song was worth placing above such a punchable song like Treat You Better, but dare I say it, I would rather listen to Mendes lie to this girl’s face than listen to Sam Hunt hand out one of the most awful metaphors I’ve ever heard.  Seriously, this song is downright insane right down to the basic foundation.

With how much my taste in music has diversified since I was a kid, I have never and will never forget my lifelong roots to country music and to know that this is what it takes for country music to crossover these days straight up pisses me off.  Even if we just remove how fucked up the idea of this song is, this is straight up embarrassing to rely on knockoff DJ Mustard productions, trap snares, and just distancing itself as far away from country music at all possible.  That last one especially because this is officially, and I wish I was kidding, the longest chart topping country music song of all time.  To even consider this heaping pile of horseshit the biggest country song of all time is downright insulting to neo-traditionalist country music fans like myself and infuriates me.

It’s easy to see why Body Like a Back Road, in all aspects, should be the number one worst hit song of this year, but at the end of the day, I at least get some sort of emotional pull from it…

 

Spoiler

…and as the saying goes, “bad is the absence of good”.  And I don’t define bad pop music completely as unlistenable trash.  No, I define bad pop music as something that I just don’t have any sort of tolerance for.  So if you want to know the quickest way to test my tolerance for bad pop music, at the very least have a point because I would at least get what you are trying for.  The first time I heard my number one, I felt nothing going in and nothing after it finished.  And that is without a doubt, worst song of the year material at its finest.  Congratulations for being an absolute waste of my time.

1. “Issues” – Julia Michaels

 

Julia Michaels is just someone I didn’t expect to hate this much after only one song.  But if I can listen to your debut smash single that somehow qualified to be not just a song of the summer contender, but SONG OF THE YEAR at the ever decreasingly relevant Grammys, and get absolutely nothing from it, you know your song is completely devoid of anything redeemable.  This song is just remarkably uninteresting and for a song about having issues, you would at least expect something to be here.  Even amongst all of the crap I sat through this year, I don’t understand how anyone on this planet could possibly enjoy this song.

Everything else on this list, none of it measures up in straight up suck in comparison to this.  From Zayn’s grim garbage, to J. Balvin’s audio dogshit, to Taylor’s unlistenable trash, and even Sam Hunt’s entry into the worst metaphors of all time.  Nope, none of it compares to this.  This is music the same way a happy meal toy is a children’s play thing.  Disposable.

 

[kev]

On 12/11/2017 at 2:47 PM, Zooey Deschanelf said:

Okay so I'm subscribed to a pop music subreddit and one of the members managed to see the whole hot 100 list before the site stopped working, so here ya go:

  Reveal hidden contents

1. Ed Sheeran - Shape Of You
2. Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee ft. Justin Bieber - Despacito
3. Bruno Mars - That's What I Like
4. Kendrick Lamar - Humble.
5. The Chainsmokers & Coldplay - Something Just Like This
6. Migos ft. Lil Uzi Vert - Bad And Boujee
7. The Chainsmokers ft. Halsey - Closer
8. Sam Hunt - Body Like A Back Road
9. Imagine Dragons - Believer
10. Post Malone ft. Quavo - Congratulations
11. James Arthur - Say You Won't Let Go
12. DJ Khaled ft. Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance The Rapper & Lil Wayne - I'm The One
13. Lil Uzi Vert - XO Tour Llif3
14. Future - Mask Off
15. French Montana ft. Swae Lee - Unforgettable
16. Bruno Mars - 24K Magic
17. Zedd & Alessia Cara - Stay
18. DJ Khaled ft. Rihanna & Bryson Tiller - Wild Thoughts
19. Rae Sremmurd ft. Gucci Mane - Black Beatles
20. The Weeknd ft. Daft Punk - Starboy
21. Khalid - Location
22. Charlie Puth - Attention
23. Shawn Mendes - There's Nothing Holdin' Me Back
24. Cardi B - Bodak Yellow (Money Moves)
25. Childish Gambino - Redbone
26. Zayn & Taylor Swift - I Don't Wanna Live Forever (Fifty Shades Darker)
27. Kygo & Selena Gomez - It Ain't Me
28. Kyle ft. Lil Yachty - iSpy
29. Julia Michaels - Issues
30. Alessia Cara - Scars To Your Beautiful
31. Logic ft. Alessia Cara & Khalid - 1-800-273-8255
32. Niall Horan - Slow Hands
33. Rihanna - Love On The Brain
34. The Weeknd ft. Daft Punk - I Feel It Coming
35. Big Sean - Bounce Back
36. Liam Payne ft. Quavo - Strip That Down
37. Drake - Fake Love
38. Maroon 5 ft. Kendrick Lamar - Don't Wanna Know
39. Taylor Swift - Look What You Made Me Do
40. Ed Sheeran - Castle On The Hill
41. Machine Gun Kelly & Camila Cabello - Bad Things
42. The Chainsmokers - Paris
43. Ariana Grande ft. Nicki Minaj - Side To Side
44. Clean Bandit ft. Sean Paul & Anne-Marie - Rockabye
45. Portugal. The Man - Feel It Still
46. DJ Snake ft. Justin Bieber - Let Me Love You
47. Demi Lovato - Sorry Not Sorry
48. 21 Savage - Bank Account
49. Justin Timberlake - Can't Stop The Feeling
50. J Balvin & Willy William ft. Beyonce - Mi Gente
51. Imagine Dragons - Thunder
52. Migos - T-Shirt
53. Yo Gotti ft. Nicki Minaj - Rake It Up
54. Shawn Mendes - Mercy
55. Kodak Black - Tunnel Vision
56. Post Malone ft. 21 Savage - Rockstar
57. Brett Young - In Case You Didn't Know
58. Twenty One Pilots - Heathens
59. Halsey - Now Or Never
60. Amine - Caroline
61. Ayo & Teo - Rolex
62. Kendrick Lamar - DNA.
63. Zay Hilfigerrr & Zayion McCall - Juju On That Beat (TZ Anthem)
64. Rae Sremmurd - Swang
65. Drake - Passionfruit
66. Kendrick Lamar ft. Rihanna - Loyalty.
67. Kesha - Praying
68. Travis Scott - Goosebumps
69. Maroon 5 ft. Future - Cold
70. D.R.A.M. ft. Lil Yachty - Broccoli
71. Calvin Harris ft. Frank Ocean & Migos - Slide
72. Kane Brown ft. Lauren Alaina - What Ifs
73. Katy Perry ft. Skip Marley - Chained To The Rhythm
74. Calvin Harris ft. Pharrell Williams, Katy Perry & Big Sean - Feels
75. Jon Bellion - All Time Low
76. Luke Combs - Hurricane
77. Sam Smith - Too Good At Goodbyes
78. Khalid - Young Dumb & Broke
79. Playboi Carti - Magnolia
80. SZA ft. Travis Scott - Love Galore
81. A Boogie Wit da Hoodie ft. Kodak Black - Drowning
82. Hailee Steinfeld & Grey ft. Zedd - Starving
83. Gucci Mane ft. Drake - Both
84. Pink - What About Us
85. Jason Derulo ft. Nicki Minaj & Ty Dolla $ign - Swalla
86. Migos ft. Gucci Mane - Slippery
87. Harry Styles - Sign Of The Times
88. Adele - Water Under The Bridge
89. Miley Cyrus - Malibu
90. Marian Hill - Down
91. Cheat Codes ft. Demi Lovato - No Promises
92. Shawn Mendes - Treat You Better
93. Gucci Mane ft. Migos - I Get The Bag
94. Dustin Lynch - Small Town Boy
95. YFN Lucci ft. PnB Rock - Everyday We Lit
96. Camila Cabello ft. Young Thug - Havana
97. Maroon 5 ft. SZA - What Lovers Do
98. Blackbear - Do Re Mi
99. Xxxtentacion - Look At Me
100. Keith Urban ft. Carrie Underwood - The Fighter

3

 

ajshdhdhdh popheads???

[Katniss]

Just now, kevin said:

ajshdhdhdh popheads???

yes!