MR: Masked Rider

[Emberlynn Pinkle]

After putting some thought into it, I've decided to post my next lit in what I call the "Reneverse", a shared continuity than unofficially began with Power Rangers: Multiverse Force in 2016. Just like with PR: MVF, this lit is a tokusatsu-based crossover, this time merging the first American adaptation of Kamen Rider (known as Saban's Masked Rider) with Invader Zim. Unlike PR: MVF, this series does not take place on Core Earth. Rather, it takes place on IZ's Earth, and acts as a reboot for Masked Rider as a whole, in a way. Now what will this lit be about? Well, I'll tell you...

On the distant planet of Edenoi, a young prince named Dex leads a resistance movement against his uncle, the evil Count Dregon. With the environment on the planet destroyed beyond repair from decades of draining for resources and with its demise drawing near, Dex's grandfather gives him powers that have long been passed down from generation to generation and sends him far away. Coveting the powers for himself, Dregon abandons Edenoi to its own devices and follows Dex in hot pursuit. Landing on Earth, Dex must defend his new home from Dregon's Insectovore monsters...all the while having to deal with small megalomaniac Irkens, idiotic humans, and the usual struggles of day to day life.

Edited June 14, 2018 by Renegade the Unicorn

[Emberlynn Pinkle]

[important bump] The premiere, "Welcome To This World: Part 1" is coming soon. Very soon.

[Emberlynn Pinkle]

 

Welcome to This World: Part 1

 

Once, long ago, there was a majestic world known as Edenoi. A planet that was practically paradise among its’ people, an incredibly long-lived race of insectoids known as the Edeni, it knew not war, starvation, nor technology; the natural resources provided all that was needed. Under the guidance and watchful eye of the House Lexian, the Edeni prospered for many a millennium, protected by a ‘Chosen Hero’, one of royal blood and pure of heart.

 

...That was, until the royal family was overturned by a coup from within. Dregon, the second and youngest son of King Lexian M, in a prideful grab for power, introduced the idea of industrialization to Edenoi. While beneficial at first, machines and progress do not bode well for a planet if left unchecked, and unchecked it went, all according to Dregon’s plans. Within several hundred centuries, Edenoi was reduced to a desert, with Lexian and his grandson Prince Dex leading a resistance movement and battling Dregon’s forces, freeing those enslaved in factory-like labor camps to process whatever resources are left, and bring hope to Edenoi. But time is running out: Edenoi’s resources are spent, and the poisons that have been affecting the planet for as long as anyone can remember are finally taking their toll on the remaining lifeforms. Edenoi is dying, and Dex is its only hope…

 

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Several miniscule, yet filtered beams of sunlight managed to poke through the smog cloud cover that masked the planet of Edenoi for who-knew-how-long as the stranger on his beaten-up, rusted motorcycle drove through the endless desert. He appeared to be rather muscular, his bulges covered by a brown longcoat; his face was similarly shielded by a gasmask. The motorcycle itself was, at one point, a tinny silver, though years of exposure to the harsh environment of the planet had coated it in brown rust. Where he was going was not to be revealed, lest that information fell into the wrong hands.

 

Lost in his thoughts and focused entirely on his destination, the rider did not notice moving figures coming towards him. They were thin creatures, dressed in crude armor and gas masks identical to his. Surrounding him on all sides, the rider was shaken out of his thoughts by the sight of these raiders, commonly called Plague Patrols. Since Edenoi had barely any government to speak of anymore (and what “government” there was had been focused on the exploitation of whatever resources were left), tribes had sprung up to do as they pleased. Dregon was quick to take notice, and would occasionally employ them as mercenaries against the resistance; in exchange for whatever they desired: fresh food and water, women, among other things.

 

“Well, lookee here, boys.” the lead raider hissed, his voice raspy and deep. “Do you see what I see?”

 

“A resistance member on a motorcycle?” another raider asked, only to get slapped by his superior.

 

“Not just any resistance member, you idiot.” the leader said. “Think for a moment. Do any of the resistance members ride motorcycles?”

 

“No,” a third muttered. “That is, except…”

 

“...Prince Dex, the Chosen Hero of Edenoi.” the fourth and last Plague Patroller realized, his compound eyes widening underneath his mask.

 

“Exactly!” the leader said, patting him on the back. “Do you know what this means if we capture him?” he whispered.

 

“We can capture him, send him to Lord Dregon, and get all the luxuries we want! We could be the richest gang on Edenoi!” the dumb one, called Brutus, exclaimed. Unfortunately, he just happened to say it out loud, right in front of Dex. The cloaked prince of Edenoi slowly rose from the motorcycle, casting off his cloak to reveal his green, insectoid body showing his muscles. His hands, rather than regular fingers, bared sharp, black claws, his feet shaped into black, boot-like appendages. Removing his mask to reveal his face, the rider revealed his true identity, his red eyes having no pupils to see through, at least visible ones. His fangs, twisted into a permanent sneer, were pearl-white and razor-sharp, perfect for tearing. And to top this all off were two thin antennae right above his eyes. Dex opened his mouth to speak; with no lips to speak of (as he was an insect, albeit an anthropomorphic alien one), the result looked uncanny and horrifying:

 

“I do not think you Plague Patrollers realize just what you said. Capturing me and bringing me to that traitor Dregon will do nothing but fuel the various cells of the resistance that are scattered all over this planet into fighting harder. Yes, with the environment tampered with beyond any reasonable measure, our mission may seem hopeless in your eyes. After all, once Edenoi goes, we will go with it, yes?”

 

“Y-yes…” the Plague Patrollers whimpered, now scared beyond their wits.

 

“Then capturing me and bringing me to Dregon will accomplish nothing. Instead, I will bring your bodies to him. I AM THE RIGHTFUL PRINCE OF EDENOI, AND YOU SHALL BE PUNISHED IN THE NAME OF MY GRANDFATHER, KING LEXIAN!” With that, Dex promptly grabbed at two of the Plague Patrollers, biting into their necks, decapitating them in a geyser of blood. Tossing their bodies aside, Dex focused on the last two, who tried to futilely slash at Dex with the knives they had on them. Unfortunately, these were pointless as Dex punched one of them across the face and onto the ground, while brutally clawing into the leader’s chest until he was so far enough into his chest cavity he could feel his heart beating against his palm. With a screech, Dex ripped out the lead raider’s heart, the organ still beating in his hand. Tossing the heart aside, Dex focused his efforts now onto the last Plague Patroller. “Any last words?” Dex hissed.

 

“Please...spare me.” the raider begged.

 

“It is far too late.” Dex growled, before kicking the Plague Patroller so hard he exploded, his guts spilling onto the desertified ground. Redressing in his longcoat and gasmask, Dex got onto his motorcycle and sped off further into the desert, towards the mountains. He encountered no one else from that point on.

 

-------------------------

 

Meanwhile, far above Edenoi, away from the smog and toxins that would inevitably kill the planet quite soon, a castle-like ship floated in orbit. It was massive; if one could compare it to any sort of landmark, it would be comparable to, say, Prague Castle. The coloration of the starship was red and gold, the colors of House Lexian. Within the castle-ship lay a city unto itself, wherein the servants of Lord Dregon lived and worked to please their master. In the exact center of the ship was Dregon’s throne room. Unlike the rest of the castle, this room seemed dark, ominous, and industrial. Rather fitting.

 

Lined across the throne room were shelves and shelves of bottles, each containing a small monster. These were known as “Insectovores”, despite a good majority of them not being any sort of insect at all. And on his throne sat Dregon himself. A beast of a creature, Dregon resembled an anthropomorphic insect like the rest of Edenoi’s inhabitants; in his case, a Hercules beetle. Again, rather fitting. Sitting near him were several others, also insects. Well, two of them were insects, the other was a robot. The insectoid beings were a female anthro black widow spider wearing a red silk dress that revealed quite a bit of skin.

 

Her name was Veuve, and she was Dregon’s second-in-command. The other, a green and white earwig, was named Twinsect for his contrasting coloration. The robot was a small, floating top-shaped...thing with a white and black coloration. Its arms were completely different; the left one was a standard robot arm, the other was a miniature satellite dish. It was for this reason that the robot was named the Fact-Checker 40,000 (how many models they had to go through before reaching that number was anyone’s guess), or “Fact”, for short. The little robot, designed by the decidedly inept Sirius Cybernetics Corporation (who, it was said, were a ‘bunch of mindless jerks who would be the first against the wall when the revolution came’), was created to harness statistics, act as a surveillance drone (which was how Dregon kept tabs on the planet), and could get all 1 zillion intergalactic television channels. In addition, Fact had been programmed with a ‘Genuine People Personality’ chip, making him incredibly loyal and chipper to Dregon. Annoyingly chipper, in fact. Pun intended.

 

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Down in the mountains of Edenoi, Dex kept on driving until he reached the mouth of a cave, strategically hidden in a spot where this particular cell of the resistance knew Fact’s signals couldn’t detect. Parking the bike outside the entrance, Dex got off and entered the cave, walking deeper and deeper until he reached what could have been considered the end of it. The walls were lit by a small fire, where several people were sitting around it: an anthro Japanese beetle, an anthro ladybug, an anthro unicorn beetle, and an anthro grasshopper much like Dex, except this one seemed far older, complete with a flowing grey beard. They were (respectively) Zarius, Ferrian, Donais, and King Lexian. “Ah, hello, Dex.” his grandfather greeted. “Come and sit by the fire.” Dex, after removing his longcoat and gas mask, did so.

 

“How’d the mission go?” Donais asked.

 

“Successfully.” Dex said with a hint of humility.

 

“How many prisoners were you able to get out?” Zarius asked.

 

“Hush!” Ferrian said harshly. “We can’t hear the report if you two keep asking questions!”

 

“Ferrian has a point.” King Lexian said. “Dex, if you will.”

 

“Certainly, Grandfather.”

 

-------------------------------

 

Earlier that day…

 

Dex pressed himself against the surface of the rock he was hiding behind, occasionally popping his head out to stare at the massive prison-factory that was many miles away, though still clearly visible. It stood out like a massive grey wart, the building consisting of a large octagonal building topped with a spiraling smokestack, which was coughing up large amounts of black carcinogenic smog into the atmosphere. The main building, which acted as a factory to “mine” gases from beneath the surface, was surrounded on all sides by smaller facilities, which included dormitory-like cells for the prisoners, a cafeteria which produced synthetic, flavorless “food”, and most disturbingly, an execution chamber for those who had disobeyed Dregon’s orders or outlived their usefulness to him. Surrounded on all sides by an impossibly tall, layered metal fence, the labor camp was guarded by Dregon’s foot soldiers, orange and white humanoid worms known as Maggots. They were not very intelligent or strong, but made up for it with their fierce obedience to their master and single-mindedness. Getting on his motorcycle, Dex sped towards the factory, the wheels kicking up a trail of dust as they rolled across the ground. Noticing the vehicle approaching them, it took the two Maggots on guard duty several minutes for their rudimentary thought processes to realize Dex was heading towards them, and they armed themselves with primitive spears and swords.

 

Eyeing his opponents, Dex hoisted himself off of the motorcycle seat as it continued speeding forward, gripping the handlebars as he positioned himself and readying his first attack. With a SKREE, the Maggots charged forward with their weapons, only for them to be hit in the face with a roundhouse kick, knocking the humanoid worm-creatures back and causing their weapons to fly out of their hands. The motorcycle crashed into the prison’s barrier, somehow unscathed and blowing a hole through it. Retrieving one of the Maggots’ swords, Dex used it to stab it through the stomach, killing it instantly. Grabbing the spear, Dex used it to stab the other Maggot in the eye, impairing it before he pulled the sword out of the corpe’s stomach and impaling the surviving Maggot with it. With both guards now dead and the klaxons inside the prison now blaring wildly, Dex got back onto the motorcycle and riding into the prison complex, killing whatever guards stood in his way. (rather brutally, actually). Parking the bike into a corner of the main factory, Dex began scaling the side of it towards a vent and pried its cover off rather easily, climbing inside. His goal was simple: destroy the factory and set free the prisoners. And so far, it was a piece of cake.

 

Some hours passed, the claustrophobic feeling of the vent shaft really creeping up on Dex now. He had no clue where this particular factory’s engine core was, so he would have to make an educated guess based on the temperature increasing as he moved. Even more time passed before Dex felt his hands and feet nearly burning. “There it is.” he muttered, kicking down the vent leading into the engine core. The ‘core’ resembled a large boiler, emitting chugging sounds as it processed the gases that were mined by the prisoners. What were these gases used for, one wondered? In short, chemical weapons for Dregon’s personal use. The engine core appeared to be completely unguarded, allowing Dex to destroy it. Retrieving a purpleish laser sword from his longcoat, Dex threw it at the engine before crawling back into the vent quickly as the entire factory shook and the shafts were filled with bright orange flame. Escaping the wreckage behind him, Dex began hurriedly escorting prisoners out, only telling them to run. A mother, who resembled an anthro praying mantis, turned to him alongside her children.

 

“Thank you, Prince Dex.” she whispered. “I must ask one thing, however, and I do not have much time…”

 

“Ask, and I shall try and answer as best I can.” Dex said. “But hurry.”

 

“Why?” she whispered. “Why has Dregon forsaken us?”

 

“Because he feels he can use and abuse this planet to his liking for his own gain. Dregon is nothing but a warmonger.”

 

“Thank you…” she replied before running off, as far away from the burning wreckage as she could.

 

---------------

 

“You did wonderfully, Dex.” Lexian said.

 

“Thank you, Grandfather.” Dex said, bowing before him.

 

“Get up, Dex.” Lexian warmly chided, laughing a bit. “Your love for me is all I need. Don’t be so formal.”

 

“My apologies, Grandfather.” Dex laughed back, getting up.

 

“Apologies accepted.” Dex then sat back down.

 

An uneasy silence fell over the five of them, the only sounds in the cave being the echoing crackling of the fire. “Dex, my boy…” Lexian finally spoke. “You are a fine leader and dedicated to resisting Dregon’s reign over Edenoi. But…”

 

“But…?” Dex replied, noticing the worried tone in his grandfather’s voice.

 

“But Edenoi is dying.” Lexian said gravely.

 

“Thank you Captain Obvious…” Zarius muttered, Ferrian slapping him. “OW! I mean, apologies, your Majesty, but we know Edenoi is dying.”

 

“You are correct, Zarius.” Lexian said. “Edenoi is dying. But it is dying far faster than we first thought.”

 

“...How fast?” Ferrian asked, shock and horror in her voice. If Edenoi is dying much quicker than we thought, she rationalized, then we as a species could go extinct in very little time.

 

“I do not know.” said Lexian. “But what I do know is that I will need to send Dex away from Edenoi.” This shocked everyone else, especially Dex himself.

 

“Why me?” Dex said. “Why must I be sent away, and no one else?”

 

“Dex, you are a symbol of hope to those left on Edenoi.” Lexian said, retrieving a small metal box from behind a rock. “I am sending you away so that those you encounter will have something to believe in.” He then opened the box to reveal a black belt with a square gold buckle on it. Embedded into this belt were two beautiful rubies, as red as Dex’s eyes. “Which is why I am giving you this.”

 

Dex’s eyes widened. “The belt of the Chosen Hero?”

 

“The very same.” Lexian answered. “You have many times in the past proclaimed to be Edenoi’s Chosen Hero. Now it is time you lived up to those boasts.” Dex took the belt after hesitating for several moments, and put it around his waist.

 

“Thank you, Grandfather. I swear on the name of our Royal House that I will uphold the values of Edenoi no matter what.”

 

“I know you will, Dex.” Lexian said, hugging his grandson. “I know you will.”

 

“I have a question, however.” Zarius interrupted.

 

“Yes, Zarius?” Lexian replied. “What is it?”

 

“It is obvious that Dex will need to blend in with whatever lifeforms he ends up with.” Zarius stated.

 

“Yes, and your point is…?” Ferrian snarked.

 

Zarius glared at her before continuing. “How, exactly will he disguise himself?”

 

“Or even how he will get there?” Donais added.

 

Lexian raised his hands to silence the two. “All will be revealed soon. For now, I will be preparing for Dex’s departure.”

 

“We’ll miss you, Dex.” Ferrian said, hugging him. Soon enough, she was joined by Donais and Zarius, all three of them crying. “You may never see us again, but we’ll have you in our hearts.”

 

“...I’ll miss you too. You’re not just my friends, or my teammates. You’re my family.” Dex said, and he began crying as well.

 

-----------------------------------

 

Several more days passed by, with the resistance taking care of business as usual. That was, until Dex’s preparations to leave Edenoi were finished. Dex, Donais, Ferrian, and Zarius gathered deeper within in the cave, where Lexian stood in front of a large grey metal pod. It appeared to be very old, perhaps even ancient. The interior seemed to lack any sort of computers or screens, just a large cushy seat large enough for Dex to sit in. And lastly, on the pod’s left side, there was a large compartment for Dex’s motorcycle, which the prince had brought with him on his grandfather’s request. “Dex,” Lexian began. “It saddens me-it saddens us all, I should say-to see you go while our planet dies and our species goes extinct. But at the same time, I am proud of you. You have brought hope to Edenoi, and wherever you will go, you will fling a light into the darkness for those who look up to you. You are the Chosen Hero, Dex. Never forget that.”

 

“I won’t.” Dex said, hugging his friends one final time.

 

“We’ll miss you, Dex…” Ferrian said softly.

 

“Me especially.” Donais said. He’d been Dex’s best friend since childhood (how many years ‘childhood’ was to the Edeni, anyway, given their practical immortality), and the two had been through thick and thin. So to see his best friend having to abandon them was devastating to Donais, as evidenced by his breaking voice and teary eyes. “I’ll miss you so much, Dex.”

 

“We all will.” Zarius said, walking up to Dex and shaking his hand in one final goodbye gesture. “It has been a honor to serve under you, Prince Dex. I only pray to the spirits that wherever you go, that Dregon does not follow.”

 

“Thank you, Zarius.” Dex said with a nod. “It has been an honor to lead you. Though, to address your concerns about Dregon, I do fear he may follow me. But you know what? I will fight him to my last breath. And that is a promise.”

 

With a nod to Lexian, the pod slowly opened up, and Dex climbed in. As it closed, Dex looked at his friends and grandfather for the last time before a fluorescent green liquid began filling the inside of the pod. Dex did not move; in fact he seemed content to not struggle as he was submerged in the rising liquid. “Your Majesty,” Ferrian asked. “What’s happening? Why is the pod being filled with that...sludge?”

 

“That ‘sludge’ you speak of is Bio-Augmentation Plasma, Ferrian.” Lexian explained. “Right now, it is rewriting Dex’s DNA to create a form that will help him blend in with whatever planet he is on.”

 

“That still brings up my question from earlier.” Zarius said as the pod slowly rose from the ground and quickly launched itself upwards, destroying part of the cave roof as it sped off towards the smog cover and far away. “Where is Dex being sent to, exactly?”

 

“A planet far, far away from here.” Lexian answered. “I believe it is called ‘Earth’.”

 

----------------------------

 

Meanwhile, in Dregon’s castle-ship, a silence had fallen over the group. Veuve was in the middle of repeatedly kissing her master while stroking his muscular arms when Fact suddenly began to beep and whir excitedly. “Hmmm?” Dregon grunted, his voice incredibly deep and echoing. “What is it, Fact?”

 

“It had better be important.” Veuve warned. “Otherwise, I will take you apart and use you for scrap metal.”

 

“Yeah!” Twinsect mindlessly agreed. “Scrap metal!”

 

“Silence, both of you!” Dregon ordered, though he had a tone of obvious regret. For all his supposed ‘evil’, he still treated his commanders like family. “Fact, what have you to report?”

 

“I’m detecting an escape pod leaving Edenoi’s atmosphere, boss!” Fact replied in his usual happy tone. Dregon noted with annoyance that Fact couldn’t feel any other emotion than ‘exuberant’ due to his programming. Damn you, Sirius Cybernetics, Dregon thought. I hope the revolution comes soon so you can be tried as the hacks that you so obviously are.

 

“An escape pod, hmmm?” Dregon said. “Where, exactly, did it come from?”

 

“I don’t know, sir.” Fact replied. “What I do know is that I can detect Prince Dex’s bio-signature.” Immediately, Veuve’s eyes widened.

 

“Do you know what this means, my love?” she asked Dregon.

“Of course, dear.” Dregon answered.

 

“Uhh, I don’t!” Twinsect replied. Veuve promptly proceeded to punch him across the room.

 

“It means,” Veuve said. “That Prince Dex is trying to escape from Edenoi.”

 

“The question is, where is he going?” Twinsect wondered, still dazed from Veuve punching him so hard.

 

“Finally, you say something intelligent for once.” Dregon said dryly. “Where is he going, Fact?”

 

“I dunno, boss!” Fact answered. “Maybe we should follow him!”

 

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Twinsect asked. “I mean, what about the planet?”

 

Veuve stared at him blankly, her expression giving off the indication that what Twinsect had just asked was the stupidest thing that she had ever heard. “You really are ignorant, aren’t you, Twinsect? Think for a moment. Prince Dex is escaping to another planet. What do planets have that could be useful to us?”

 

Even with the obvious hint, it took several minutes for Twinsect to draw a conclusion. “...Resources?”

 

“Good boy.” Veuve said with facetious sarcasm. “You got something right.”

 

“B-but wouldn’t that mean abandoning Edenoi to its own devices?” Twinsect asked.

 

“Of course, you idiot.” Dregon snapped. “It’s not like we have any more use for it after so many centuries of draining its resources.”

 

“Shall I set a course, then, sir?” Fact replied, his satellite dish whirring around excitedly.

 

“Yes. Set a course for...wherever Prince Dex is headed.” Dregon ordered. Not long afterwards, several jet thrusters under the castle lit themselves alight, and in defiance of all known laws of physics, the ship entered hyperdrive and sped off, away from the poisoned landscapes of the planet below it.

 

-----------------

 

Earth, as defined from a scientific standpoint, is the third planet from the main sequence star known as Sol, which is itself located in the Orion Arm of the Milky Way galaxy. Through a fascinating set of conditions known as the “Goldilocks Zone”, this small planet has managed to produce viable air and water, and by extension, a plethora of life forms. The dominant species of Earth is the Homo sapien, otherwise known as “humans”. Evolved from common primates, humanity has managed to build themselves an enduring civilization, despite the impossible odds.

 

...From a galactic standpoint, Earth’s existence is one of the cruelest jokes ever conceived, and should be rectified immediately. In fact, it is such a cruel joke that very few are even aware that it exists. One of the few alien civilizations that knew of the planet, known as Irk, had exiled not one, but two of its conquerors (well, one was not necessarily a conqueror) to the insignificant little mudball for the sole purpose of getting rid of them. The first, named Zim, had been ‘assigned’ to ‘invade’ Earth due to his very destructive screw-ups, to put it lightly. The other, named Skoodge, actually was assigned to a planet known as Blorch (home of the slaughtering rat people), and had successfully conquered it on his own. So, then, why had Irk’s leaders, the Almighty Tallest, exiled him to Earth? Well, it was for far a more petty reason: they did not want Skoodge, a short wide Irken, to act as a poster boy for their conquest of the galaxy, Operation Impending Doom II; what had happened to Impending Doom I? Well, Zim happened.

 

Where was I? Oh, right. Zim and Skoodge were currently patrolling the city in which they lived, a decrepit and filthy place, in their Voot Cruiser, pondering a plan to conquer humanity yet again. No one in the streets below took any notice of the small ship hovering above them; to humanity, aliens didn’t exist, nor wouldn’t have existed.

 

Well, except to one. His name was Dib Membrane, and his mission in life was to expose Zim and Skoodge for the invaders they were and save humanity. Not that humanity needed saving, however. Zim, as noted before, was incredibly incompetent and often managed to screw up his plans on his own, which wasn’t helped by Skoodge or his minions GIR and Minimoose.

 

Not that humanity took notice, anyway, as mentioned before. For all they knew, Zim had a ‘skin condition’ and were easily fooled by his and Skoodge’s disguises, with just consisted of eye-like contacts and wigs. And that wasn’t getting into how they treated Dib. They considered the boy insane, which when putting his behavior into account at times, wasn’t inaccurate. Though, a majority of the time, Dib was doing nothing wrong. The universe just seemed to hate him that much. Right now, he sat in his house casually watching television, his sister Gaz doing her usual thing and concentrating solely on the handheld game she was playing.

 

Meanwhile, Dex’s pod entered Earth’s atmosphere, and was currently on fire as it sped towards the ground, specifically towards Dib’s front yard. This caught Zim and Skoodge’s attention, if the computer beeping inside the Voot Cruiser was any indication. “Object entering atmosphere, object entering atmosphere,” it droned.

 

“Hm?!” Zim responded, one of his red eyes widening in intrigue. “An object is in the atmosphere!?”

 

“...That’s what the computer just said.” Skoodge replied.

 

“BE QUIET!” Zim screamed. “Computer, what is this object, and where is it headed?”

 

“Object is pod containing unknown life form. Coordinates place pod as heading towards home of ‘Dib-monkey’.”

 

The gears began to turn in Zim’s head and he came to the most logical and sane conclusion: “SOMEHOW, THE DIB HAS ORDERED A LIVING WEAPON, AND IS PLANNING TO USE IT AGAINST ME!”

 

...This could not have been farther from the truth. Meanwhile, Dex’s pod did end up crashing in Dib’s yard, creating a slightly flaming crater that was 6 feet wide, and six feet deep. Dib jumped slightly, looking at Gaz. “Gaz, did you hear that?” No answer. “Something’s crash-landed in our yard, from the sound of it. I’m gonna investigate. You stay here and make sure nothing gets in.” Gaz looked up from her game, glaring at her brother.

 

“Don’t tell me what to do.” she growled. Dib, knowing better than to anger his sister, immediately bolted out the door. Staring at the crater before him, he slowly approached it, but ended up tripping and falling in with a yelp. Now seeing it up close filled Dib with a sense of fear and excitement. He had suspicions that whatever was inside had malicious intentions due to experiences with Zim and Tak, though his magnificent brain told him not to assume anything; after all, if there were malicious aliens out there, there could have been benevolent ones too. Dib’s thoughts were interrupted by the pod opening suddenly, revealing what looked like a dark green chrysalis inside it. “

 

A cocoon…” Dib observed. “That could only mean something’s inside...but what?” His questions were immediately answered when the shell broke open, revealing a young man inside. He appeared to be Caucasian, with piercing black hair and brown eyes. Age-wise, he looked to be 16. He was completely naked, his body covered in streaks of green goo. Though Dib didn’t know it just yet, this was Prince Dex, his appearance changed by the Bio-Augmentation Plasma from that of a humanoid grasshopper to that of a human being. He appeared to be slightly confused as to where he was, an understandable situation. Dib stared, overcome with s mix of fascination and suspicion. He doubted this human appearance was Dex’s true form, but it was certainly a better disguise than Zim’s. Before Dib could say anything more, Dex opened his mouth to speak.

 

“Greetings. I am Prince Dex of Edenoi. I come in peace.”

 

“Suuuure you do, buddy.” Dib snarked, narrowing his eyes.

 

“I assure you, I mean you no harm.” Dex replied, now taking on an equally dry tone.

 

“Oh, yeah?” Dib fired back. “Prove it. Otherwise, I’ll conduct an autopsy on you and send the video footage to Mysterious Mysteries.”

 

Dex had no idea what an ‘autopsy’ or ‘Mysterious Mysteries’ was, nor did he care to find out. Placing two of his fingers onto his temples and closing his eyes tightly, a round green crystal suddenly appeared in the middle of his forehead, projecting tinted holographic images of Edenoi’s current state, the Plague Patrollers, the labor camps, and Dregon, with Dex explaining all the way. After several minutes of silence, Dib spoke, his massive head trying to process all of the new information. “So, let me get this straight. You’re a prince who comes from a dying planet of insect aliens ruled by your evil uncle, and your mission is to bring hope to this world?”

 

“Exactly.” Dex replied. “And I will ask this of you, young…”

 

“Dib. Call me Dib.” the boy answered. He was sympathetic towards Dex’s cause, mostly because he didn’t seem to have any malicious intentions. Perhaps he could gain an ally in fighting Zim too. It’d certainly help, and given what he saw, Dex was certainly formidable.

 

“Yes...Dib.” Dex repeated, the name rolling off his tongue smoothly. “Will you ally yourself with me in the fight for this planet?”

 

“Well, I’m currently fighting to save this planet from two idiots. So it should be me asking you for an alliance.” Dib responded, much to Dex’s disapproval. “...Sorry.”

 

“It is alright, Dib. Now, I will ask again. Will you ally yourself with me?”

 

Dib pondered this for several minutes, weighing the pros and cons of such an alliance. Finally, he spat on one of his hands and extended it to Dex. The latter looked at him, perplexed. “What are you doing?”

 

“This is how we keep promises here on Earth.” Dib explained.

 

“Like a blood oath?”

 

“Yeah, but well...y’know, without the blood.”

 

With a nod showing he understood, Dex spat on his own hand and shook it with Dib’s, sealing their mutual alliance. Lo and behold, Zim appeared at that inopportune moment, laughing maniacally as he fired wildly at Dex and Dib, the two frantically trying to dodge the lasers from the Voot Cruiser. From within, Skoodge stared at Zim, absolutely confused. “Uhhh, Zim? Are you sure that Dib even has some kind of weapon? All I see are a couple of humans.” This earned him a death glare from the latter, Zim’s crimson-red eyes filled with rage.

 

“ARE YOU QUESTIONING MY SUPERIOR JUDGEMENT, SKOODGE?! IF I SAY THE DIB-STINK HAS A WEAPON, THEN HE HAS A WEAPON!”

 

“I’m not questioning your judgement, Zim.” Skoodge said firmly, his competence as an Invader overriding his cowardice and gullibility for once. “I’m just saying you might be mistaken.” Zim’s response was to grab Skoodge and promptly toss him out of the Voot Cruiser onto Dib’s lawn, where he lay in front of the large-headed human and Dex. The small Invader looked at the two, before turning to see Zim taunting him from within the ship. “OH, FUCK YOU, ZIM! FUCK! YOU!” He then turned back to Dib and Dex, his hands raised defensively. “Listen, Dib and...whoever you are…”

 

“My name is Dex, strange creature.” the Edeni prince replied. “What is your name?”

 

“I am Invader Skoodge of the Irkens. And that idiot who tossed me out of the ship is Zim.”

 

“You don’t sound too happy.” Dex replied, trying to dodge Zim’s blasts.

 

“Of course I’m not.” Skoodge replied. “I was dragged along here because Zim thinks Dib over here ordered some sort of...wea...pon…” He trailed off as he caught sight of Dex’s pod. So Zim was kinda right, Skoodge reasoned. But it doesn’t look like Dib ordered anything. If he did, it would have been obvious it was from Callnowia. Skoodge then looked between the Dex and the pod, and it all made sense to him. Though he had some suspicions. “Are...are you here to invade Earth too?”

 

“What? No!” Dex replied, caught-off guard by Skoodge’s question. “I was sent here to protect the creatures that inhabit it.” He then watched as the left compartment of his pod open to reveal his motorcycle, seemingly having chosen that moment to do so. Getting onto it, Dex looked up at Zim as the alien kept firing. “Like so.” Before either Dib or Skoodge could say anything else, Dex pressed buttons on a small control panel beneath the bike’s handlebars, producing a mirror and minigun. As Zim kept firing, he noticed that the lasers were being redirected at him.

 

“AH HA!” he declared. “I, THE MIGHTY ZIM, WAS RIGHT! THE DIB-STINK DID ORDER A WEAPON!”

 

“It’s a motorcycle!” Gir added cheerfully, much to Zim’s irritation. “Just like the one Pig has!”

 

“Whoa, that’s so cool!” Minimoose squeaked out. “Can we get a motorcycle, Zim? Huh? Huh?”

 

“NO! SHUT UP, THE BOTH OF YOU!” Zim  screeched, turning back to keep firing at Dex. “DO YOU THINK THOSE WEAPONS ARE EFFECTIVE AGAINST ME, PUNY HUMAN?! THIS IS IRKEN TECHNOLOGY, FAR SUPERIOR TO YOUR EARTH TECHNOLOGY!”

 

“You’re forgetting something, Zim…” Dex replied.

 

“WHAT?!” Zim shouted.

 

“...I’m not human.” Dex finished, before the front wheel of the motorcycle launched itself off of the bike, large metal blades protruding from its sides, and struck at the Voot Cruiser, which tore through its engine and brought the ship down in a fiery explosion. Much to Dex’s amazement, Zim and his two robot companions survived, albeit Zim was not entirely unscathed. Approaching the wreckage, Dex stared at Zim with the intention to seriously injure the Irken. “I am Prince Dex of Edenoi. My mission is to…”

 

“LIES! YOU’RE HERE TO STEAL MY MISSION, AREN’T YOU?!” Zim interrupted, pointing an accusatory finger at Dex. The latter promptly grabbed his hand and painfully twisted it. “YOU DARE HARM ME, THE GREATEST IRKEN INVADER?!” Zim kept it up despite the pain.

 

“...Do you know what my first impression is of you, Zim?” Dex replied. “You are an arrogant little creature who believes himself to be a worthy adversary of the human race. You are, in the bluntest of terms, far from it. As the Chosen Hero of my home and now of Earth, my mission is to protect this world from beings like you. Let this be a lesson, Zim, that you will not forget.” Dex then proceeded to twist Zim’s other arm until it snapped, and broke both of his legs, leaving the Irken severely crippled. Looking at Gir and Minimoose, Dex simply told them, “Get him back to wherever he has set up base.” Zim would have protested the fact that Dex gave ‘his’ minions orders, but he was in far too much pain to do so. Gir hoisted Zim onto his back, while Minimoose (despite the laws of physics, but he was a Vortian superweapon after all) carried the flaming wreckage of the Voot Cruiser onto his. Together, the two robots flew back to their base, leaving Dex, Dib, and Skoodge just standing there.

 

“Wow.” Skoodge finally said after several minutes of awkward silence. “I can’t believe you actually hurt Zim the way you did!”

 

“...And you’re not angry about it?” Dex asked.

 

“Nope!” Skoodge said cheerfully. “Far from it, actually. Zim’s pretty incompetent for an Invader. Me, on the other hand, I conquered Blorch all on my own.”

 

“You...you conquered an entire planet?” Dex asked, bewildered. “But you don’t seem like the kind who would.” Skoodge stared at him blankly.

 

“Is it because I’m short?!”

 

“No, that’s not what I meant. I meant you seem too nice and friendly to be a conqueror.”

 

“Well, you’re right about ‘nice and friendly’.” Dib said. “Skoodge is actually a pretty nice guy...BUT HE’S STILL TRYING TO TAKE OVER EARTH!”

 

“...Wow. That’s pretty backhanded, Big Head.” Skoodge muttered.

 

“MY HEAD’S NOT BIG!” Dib screamed, before it dawned on him that Dex was still naked. Which, given all that he had done, was incredibly impressive. And gross. But mostly impressive. “Come on. Let’s get you some clothes, Dex. I don’t need the cops being called and you getting arrested.” Dex nodded, following Dib into his home, but not before nodding at Skoodge, which seemed to confirm that they were now friends, for lack of a better term.

 

Once Dib entered his house with Dex following behind him, the large-headed teenager sat next to his older sister, who was still concentrated on her video game. Gaz was about sixteen (two years older than Dib), with dark purple hair styled like a demon’s fanged jaws; appropriate, considering her demeanor. The most startling thing about her, as far as Dex was concerned, was what she was wearing: a rather revealing leather mini dress that seemed to fit around her well-curved (despite her near-sedentary lifestyle and fondness for pizza) figure, the front covered with intercrossing leather straps studded with diamonds, which themselves were part of a corset. From his perspective (and quite frankly, from any sane/rational person’s), this seemed to clash inappropriately with the fact that she was in her mid to late teens. Not that Gazleen Membrane, daughter of Moloch and granddaughter of Khorne and Slaanesh, cared. With the half-Chaos God heritage she had, she had very little reason to care for any sorts of standards people might have had...not that anyone would dare disobey her whims.

 

Anyway, where was I?

 

Oh, right.

 

Once Dib entered the house and directed Dex to his room for some spare clothing, the latter re-emerged into the living room, dressed in a T-shirt and black jeans. Gaz glanced at him, snorted, then turned her attention back to the TV.

 

“What is the matter with her?” Dex asked.

 

“She’s...scary.” Dib replied. “Whatever you do, Dex, don’t piss her off.” Dex nodded, then sat next to Gaz, transfixed by the television.

 

“Fascinating...are there actually earthlings small enough to get them in that circle-thing?”

 

“Yes.” Gaz said dryly. “We big earthlings make the small ones fight to the death for our entertainment.”

 

“Amazing. I never knew Earth had blood sports.” Dex replied, retrieving a piece of paper and a pen and writing all of this ‘information’ down. Gaz looked at Dib, a grin spreading across her face.

 

“He's almost as gullible as you, little brother.” she whispered, loud enough for him to hear, but quiet enough for Dex to remain oblivious.

 

“Yeah, true.” Dib replied. “...HEY! I AM NOT GULLIBLE!”

 

“Could have fooled me.” Dex said casually.

 

“YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!” Dib replied.

 

“Hey, look over there. A Glaxnorp with one eyeball.” Dex replied, using common hyperbole used on Edenoi. Dib excitedly ran to get a camera. Gaz chuckled, grinning at Dex.

 

“I like you already.”

 

“I do not know your name, but as do I.” Dex replied, grinning back at her.

 

“I'm Gaz. Gazleen, technically, but if you call me that, I'll kill you.” she said.

 

“It is a pleasure to meet you, Gaz.” Dex said, attempting to kiss her hand, but Gaz growling and slapping him hard dissuaded him of that notion. “...Ow.”

 

“Don't touch me.” She said, her eyes briefly turning red. “Don't. Ever. Touch me.”

 

“Noted.” Dex replied. “In any case, I am Prince Dex of Edenoi, well...formerly of Edenoi.”

 

“Formerly?” Gaz asked, somewhat interested. Dex nodded, using what Dib had dubbed the ‘mind crystal’ to in private, showing Gaz visions of Dregon, the Edenian wasteland, the Maggots, and the labor camps. Rather than shock and horror like Dib, Gaz had the opposite reaction.

 

“I like him.” She said about Dregon. Immediately, Dex went pale as he realized what Gaz was, well...not entirely.

 

“Just what exactly, are you?”.

 

“Your worst nightmare.” Gaz replied. Before any blows could be had between them, they were interrupted by a news broadcast. Apparently a human-sized, humanoid spider, red and black with four arms and eight legs, was rampaging in the city and tearing people apart and eating them.

 

“No...how can a tiny Spigore fit inside the cube thing...unless...no…” Dex muttered to himself.

 

“Holy shit…” Gaz said, looking a bit disgusted.

 

“I thought you liked Dregon.” Dex said. “That is one of his Insectivores. Vile beasts.”

 

“Doesn't mean I like watching people get eaten.” Gaz replied.

 

“Are you able to tell me just where exactly Spigore is attacking?” Dex said urgently.

 

“Couldn't tell you.” Gaz said, promptly losing interest in the situation and going on her phone.

 

“You don’t care if Dregon rules over this planet, but I do.” Dex replied. Positioning his hands on his waist to activate his belt, it began glowing as Dex began making strange signals. “Ectophase activate!” he called out. “HENSHIN!” Immediately, the belt began flashing rapidly as it enveloped Dex in ruby-red light, instantaneously transforming into an armored green warrior; his helmet was black aside from the eye lenses, which were blood red and trimmed by silver; the mouthpiece was pure silver, with no indication as to where Dex’s mouth was located. The rest of the armor was green, aside from the shoulder pads, hands themselves (albeit accented by silver wristpieces, a silver spot between the armor’s ‘abs’, and waist, which were black. “I am the Chosen Hero, assigned to protect this world from Dregon and his monsters.” he spoke, his voice now distorted and deep as to hide his identity.

 

Gaz was about to say something sarcastic, before the wall exploded. Dex looked at Gaz, though she could sense his sheepishness. “Apologies. My grandfather was the Chosen Hero before me, and explosions always happened after transforming.”

 

“You might want to move to the side.” Gaz said.

 

“Why?” Dex asked, but he immediately got his answer when Spigore sent him flying and smashing the TV. Gaz reacted to this by punching the creature hard enough to send it flying fifty feet. The news crew that had been following it let out a collective ‘Ahhhh!’ of amazement, before turning away from the Membrane house and running like the wind the other way, hoping to catch more footage of Spigore. Soon after, Dib ran downstairs, but as he was about to complain about how the noise scared the Glaxnorp, he stared blankly at the destroyed wall, TV, and the armored Dex.

 

“OK...three things. What happened, how will we explain this to Dad, and who’s this guy?” Dex immediately facepalmed. Gaz wasn't there to snark at Dib; she was busy beating the Spigore to death on the front lawn. The poor creature didn't stand a chance, flailing and shrieking as she punched it again and again, causing blood to spray. Dex ran out onto the lawn, getting into a battle stance as Spigore weakly turned to face him.

 

“Rider...KICK!” Dex yelled out as he launched himself, right foot pressing outwards as he landed on Spigore; the pressure of high-powered foot to face causing Spigore to tremble slightly before it exploded in a geyser of blood, destroyed organs, and tissue. The news crew, who had somehow realized they were going the wrong way, cheered as they focused on Dex, or as the news reporter, a ditzy, blonde, and curvy woman dubbed him, the Masked Rider, even as they and their cameras were covered in blood.

 

Gaz stood up, casually stripping and walking back inside to take a shower. Ten minutes later, she came back out, wearing a robe, her hair down, straight, and carefully brushed. She promptly went back inside, Dex silently screaming that he did not want this many reporters swarming him. Gaz went into the kitchen, grabbing a can of soda from the fridge and opening it before taking a few small sips. That was when she realized something.

 

…

…

…

...Dib ate the last slice of pizza.

 

…

…

…

…”DIB! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!” Dib did not answer; he had already ran, shoving past Dex and the swarm of reporters. Gaz followed moments later, tossing reporters aside without slowing down as she chased her brother. Dex ran after them, whatever reporters were left following him as well.

 

Dregon could see all this from his fortress-ship, but he was not displeased. “Gee, boss!” Fact chirped in. “I told you we should have sent them all in!”

 

“Duh, yeah, boss! Wouldn’t it have been better?” Twinsect replied.

 

“Be silent, you gibbering morons.” Dregon growled. Dealing with Fact and Twinsect gave him migraines more often than he cared to admit.

 

“Yes, be silent.” Veuve agreed, snuggling her lord and lover close to her. “Though I do agree. Would it not have been better to send the Insectivores all at once, perhaps into different Earth cities? From how I’ve observed humans thus far, they are incredibly dumb.”

 

“I mean, it isn’t like they’re not already destroying themselves.” Fact observed. “Pollution, advanced technology everywhere…”

 

“That is one of the reasons I didn't send all of them.” Dregon said. “Conquering mankind would be trivially easy...without the exiled Prince Dex in the way. He needs to die first.”

 

“So we keep attacking the same city.” Fact concluded. “...Buuut what’s the other reason you don’t send all of them?”

 

“Because,” Veuve replied. “The Insectivores are still wild beasts. They would attack each other all at once.”

 

“I also don't want to slaughter innocents.” Dregon added. “Not because of morality, but because it will draw too much attention to us.” Indeed, the rampage of Spigore had attracted attention from not only the news (who would, thanks to the efforts of Professor Membrane, brush it off as something ‘rational’) but also a group known as the Swollen Eyeball Network, a secret society that was the amalgamation of every conspiracy known to man, ranging from the Church of the SubGenius and Discordianism to Illuminati and JFK theorists. Professor Membrane was one of the men in charge of the Network. He, and the rest of the Directors of the Network, knew of Zim's ‘invasion’, but regarded him as a non-threat. Dib didn’t know any of this, having brushed off his recruitment into the organization as recognition of his genius. But he had gotten into the Network, under the code name ‘Mothman’ thanks to his father. And now, they were interested in Dex.

 

Naturally, how they approached dealing with Dex, and the foes that pursued him, sparked debates amongst the Directors. Agent Darkbootie, who acted as Dib’s mentor (if to some degree reluctantly sometimes), advised they approach the future ‘Agent Hopper’ directly. Another, Malaclypse the Youngest, suggested they kidnap him and ‘induct’ him, quote, “Clockwork Orange-style”. Membrane shot this idea down. “But Director, you do not understand. He is a non-Discordian. A greyface.” Malaclypse replied.

 

“Malaclypse, we get it. You believe everyone is part of the Greyface conspiracy, even fellow Discordians like myself, as well as Our Lady Eris.” Darkbootie said dryly.

 

“FNORD!” Malaclypse replied. Darkbootie just groaned loudly.

 

“Can we just wipe his memory and reassign him to guard R’lyeh?” he asked Membrane.

 

“I have half a mind to wipe all of your memories.” Membrane said, sighing. “I am surrounded by idiots…”

 

“You mean the entire Earth?” the small Membrane hand puppet the professor kept with him at all times snarked.

 

“Yes.” The Professor said dryly. “And the morons on the Board of Directors.”

 

“Getting back to business,” Darkbootie interrupted. “What are we to do about this Dex fellow?”

 

“Observe him, at least for now.” Membrane replied.

 

“Understood.”

 

The next day, Dex noted as he made his way towards the local high school, there was a lot of gossip about the ‘mysterious new hero’. Membrane rationalized Spigore as an insane man in a costume, albeit a realistic one. And everyone seemed to fall for it. Gaz hated the fact that Dex got all the attention. He killed the creature, but Gaz had beaten it within an inch of its life beforehand. As she, Dib, and Dex walked into homeroom, she noted that Mr. Cobain was, as usual, smoking a cigarette and his feet were on the desk. Technically, this was against school conduct, but what Gaz was currently wearing was also against school conduct.

 

Gaz copied him, putting her feet up on her desk and lighting one of her own cigarettes. Kurt gave her a thumbs up before coughing hard, getting everyone’s attention. “OK, kids...I have to read this ‘welcome the new student’ script, so pay attention.” And so, he read out, “I am pleased to welcome…”

 

“Dex. Dex Membrane.” the ex-Edeni prince answered. “I am, er…”

 

“He’s recently adopted.” Dib replied.

 

“Did I say you could talk?” Kurt replied.

 

“...Sorry.”

 

“Anyways, I wanna welcome Dex Membrane to our school.” Kurt then sent someone he didn’t care too much about to the ‘underground classrooms’, making a desk open for Dex, next to Gaz. “OK, now that that’s over...what to do...what to do…” Kurt muttered. “...Here we go. Everyone, we’re gonna read out history reports. Who wants to go first?”

 

“ME! CHOOSE ZIM, TEACHER HUMAN! CHOOSE ZIM! ZIM IS ME! ZIM IS ME!” a certain Irken shouted out. Dex noted that, as a ‘disguise’, Zim wore just a simple wig and fake eyes.

 

“Fine...if it’ll get you to shut the fuck up, you go first Zim.” Kurt muttered, stressfully lighting another cigarette. Gaz found herself briefly considering suicide as Zim read his report. His voice was the most annoying sound she had ever heard. His report, of course, consisted of his...rather warped and nonsensical version of the Cold War. Kurt poured his coffee mug full of whiskey, and downed it.

 

Gaz went next, and read out her well-researched report on the Siege of Leningrad, making sure to emphasize that some starving civilians ate their own children. “Mmmm, babies are delicious!” Zim interrupted in an effort to act ‘human’.

 

“Zim, if you do not shut the fuck up, I swear…” Kurt muttered.

 

“Most people don't eat their own kids, dipshit.” Gaz said dryly to Zim.

 

“Of course they do!” Zim insisted, before Kurt threw the empty bottle of Jack at his head, knocking him out.

 

“Jesus Christ, he's annoying.” Gaz said, returning to her desk. Kurt gave her an ‘A+++’. Gaz liked him. They had a lot of things in common, and he knew of her heritage. Gaz had decided not to ask her father how, exactly, he had caught her mother's eye. The Slaaneshi part of her attracted a lot of males and females, much to her dislike at times.

 

Gaz, in reality, was only into girls. This made her more receptive to advances from females. Her ‘grandparent’ Slaanesh would be proud of how many females she seemed to bed. Gaz had killed several boys who wouldn't take no for an answer. All of these deaths looked like accidents, of course. Not that anyone would have asked, anyway. People were just too terrified of the ‘scary girl’ to suspect her.

 

Two murders that did not look like accidents were committed after a particularly foolhardy pair of fanatically Christian students, one boy and one girl, tried to convert Gaz, who was a lifelong pagan. The girl was found nailed to a cross outside a nearby church, and the boy was found strangled by his own cross necklace. Gaz, of course, was still not suspected; the leaders of this particular church were, however.

 

The religion Gaz followed was...unique. She was, as stated before, a pagan, worshipping the ‘Old Gods’, as she called them, including many of the Greek, Egyptian and Norse deities. As well as the Old Testament God. She thought of the New Testament God as ‘too soft.’ Now the God of the Old Testament appealed to her very much.

 

The Chaos Gods, in contrast, didn't appeal to her at all. She could feel the presence of the Old Gods when she made offerings and prayed, in a way she couldn't explain. The Chaos Gods gave her nothing but silence. Even her own mother ignored her. The only people she felt remotely close to were Kurt and her father. And Dib, despite how much he annoyed her. She wasn’t sure about Dex, though.

 

Later that day, Gaz took a nap, and as she slumbered, her mind was pulled to a place where her mother was waiting. Moloch resembled a beautiful, if strong-looking, woman. Her eyes were a mix of red and purple, and she was dressed in a toga that revealed a bit of skin. Gaz promptly punched her in the face. “Ah, hello, Gazleen. Life has been treating you well, yes?”

 

“Go fuck yourself.”

 

“Gladly.” Moloch replied, doing just that. Gaz punched her again, this time breaking her nose. Moloch glared at her.

 

“Insolent child. You dare disrespect Me, your mother, that way?” Moloch roared.

 

“You're not my mother.” Gaz said. “You're a whore.”

 

Moloch summoned several Steeds, who proceeded to attack Gaz. They proceeded to beat her to a bloody pulp, retreating once Gaz had fallen to the ground and stopped moving. Moloch gazed at her, but before she could do anything, Gaz was awoken by Dex, who had been sitting on the couch. Gaz kicked him in the face before falling back asleep. As soon as she saw Moloch again, she started strangling her. Moloch let out several gasps of both pain and pleasure, euphorically encouraging Gaz to strangle her harder.

 

“You disgust me.” Gaz said, releasing her. “My father adored you, treated you like a queen, and you repaid him by leaving as soon as I was born. I grew up without a mother because of you. Or a father, for that matter. Dad threw himself into his work, and drinking, as soon as I could walk and talk, all because of you.”

“I cannot bother myself with a mortal or his kin, you know. I am a Chaos God, albeit a minor one. I have better things I must worry about.” Moloch said. “Besides...history repeats itself.”

 

“Then why reach out to me now?” Gaz asked. “16 years of silence, and you come visit now. Why?”

 

“Because I see potential in you, my child. Potential to transcend your meat body and become a Daemoness.”

 

“Potential? You mean I have the potential to be as much of a selfish cunt as you? Thanks, I'll pass.” Gaz said. “I don't want to be like you, mother. I intend to settle down someday with a girl I care deeply about. The thought of running around in some twisted form and screwing everything that moves doesn't appeal to me. So, kindly, go fuck yourself.”

 

“You will become a Daemoness in service to me, daughter. I will see to it. But for now, farewell.”

 

Gaz woke up to see she had broken Dex's nose when she kicked him. “Oh, you’re awake.” Dex said, having begun using his ‘magic’, for lack of a better term, to heal his wound. “Are you going to injure me again? Or are you saving that for your mother?”

 

“I was talking in my sleep, wasn't I?”

 

“Yes, you were.” Dex said. “It is alright. I never knew my mother or father either. Dregon killed them.”

 

“I'm sorry.” Gaz replied, not sure who was more surprised by her saying it. “Truly. I may be violent and scary sometimes..okay, a lot of the time...but that doesn't mean I'm incapable of caring.”

 

“I can see it in your eyes, you know.” Dex said. “If I’m honest, I see how jealous you are of me. And I understand completely. I don’t want the fight with Dregon to be sensationalized. I would rather be seen as a symbol instead of an idol.”

 

“You should be honored.” she replied, smiling a bit. “You're now one of four people I actually like.”

 

This certainly caught Dex off-guard. “Am...am I hearing you correctly?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“Then, in that case, may I call you my sister?” Dex said, offering his hand to her.

 

“Yes.” Gaz said. “You still can't call me Gazleen, though.”

 

“Done.” Dex said. “Now, tell me about this ‘pizza’ you enjoy so much, will you?”

 

To be continued...

[4EverGreen]

Very interesting so far. From what I can gleam from it so far, this seems to take place after the show of "Invader Zim", though I'm not sure of when it's taking place on Earth. And is "Kurt" actually Kurt Cobain, who NEVER committed suicide?!  These are the burning questions readers are dying to know!  Enough said! 

[Emberlynn Pinkle]

5 minutes ago, Paul McCartney said:

nd is "Kurt" actually Kurt Cobain, who NEVER committed suicide?! 

Yep.

Nirvana never really hit it big, basically staying underground.

[4EverGreen]

So this is an alternate reality of Earth? It will be interesting to see whether the Power Rangers will find a way to fit into this story somehow, sometime into any potential future story lines. Enough said, for now! 

[Emberlynn Pinkle]

Just now, Paul McCartney said:

So this is an alternate reality of Earth?

Yep.

[Emberlynn Pinkle]

Welcome to This World: Part 2

 

Previously on MR: Masked Rider…

 

Fleeing his dying homeworld of Edenoi, Prince Dex of the House Lexian arrives on the (let’s face it) galactic backwater of Earth, where he meets the brother and sister duo of Dib and Gaz Membrane, along with the aliens Skoodge and Zim. However, all is not well. Dregon, a mad galactic conqueror and Dex’s uncle, has arrived with his minions and army of Insectivores (which, despite their name, aren’t all insects); he sends the first one, Spigore, down in an attempt to kill Dex, who (with Gaz’s aid) kills it using a Rider Kick. Now, the fight for Earth has begun...if only Dex can balance his newfound life and its oddities at the same time.

 

-------------------

 

Three days after meeting her mother for the first time, albeit in a dream, Gaz found herself in a park near her house, idly sketching in a notebook. She had grown bored with television and video games for once, and decided she needed a change of scenery. A redhead sat next to her, dressed in a crimson and black tracksuit.

 

“Who are you?” Gaz asked, continuing to sketch. “And why the hell are you sitting next to me?”

 

“My name is Asuka, Frau. I’m sitting here because I need a place to rest after jogging.” This second statement was said in a dry ‘isn’t it obvious?’ tone. Gaz turned to look at her, briefly narrowing her eyes, before deciding she didn't care and going back to sketching.

 

“You’re an artist as well? So am I.” Asuka replied, taking out her own sketchbook and attempting to show Gaz her own drawings; giant robots named ‘Evangelions’, eldritch ‘Angels’. Gaz was intrigued, and showed Asuka her own drawings to return; scenes of war and death, contrasted with serene drawings of nature. As she explained, what she drew depended on her mood.

 

“You suffer from bipolar disorder?” Asuka asked. “Or mere depression?”

 

“Depression.” Gaz admitted, much to her own surprise. “My own father diagnosed me a few years ago.”

 

“You must be Professor Membrane’s daughter, yes? My father works for his German branch. Or used to, rather.”

 

“Used to? That either means he retired or died. My father has only fired three people in his life.” Gaz said.

 

“My father is dead, yes. I live with his friend Gendo Ikari, his son Shinji, and niece of sorts, Rei.” Asuka said.

 

“Of sorts?” Gaz asked.

 

“We don’t know her exact relation. We just call her his niece for convenience's sake.” Asuka explained.

 

“Ah.” Gaz replied. “Do you want to...God, I shouldn't ask. We just met.”

 

“Do I want to what? ‘Make out’, as the term goes?” Asuka asked with a grin. “Gott im Himmel, so soon?”

 

“No!” Gaz said, a bit louder than intended, before clearing her throat. “No. I mean, not that I would be entirely against doing that...oh, God, I'm just digging myself deeper. No. I was going to ask if you wanted to hang out sometime. I'd like to meet the people you live with.”

 

Asuka nudged her playfully. “Hoping to get a blessing to date me, are we?”

 

Gaz turned bright red, muttered something about needing to get home, and hurried off. When Asuka arrived home a little while later, Rei was laying on the front lawn, staring up at the sky.

 

“Rei?” Asuka asked, confused. “What are you doing?”

 

“Watching the clouds go by.” Rei said simply.

 

Asuka smiled. “May I join you?” she asked, sitting next to her best friend.

 

“Of course.” Rei replied. “How was your jog?”

 

“Sweaty. Sweaty and, well...I met this cute goth girl.” Asuka said, blushing slightly.

 

“Oh?”

 

“Yeah. Purple eyes and hair...I swear, it looks natural! Curves in all the right places, a bit of a deep voice…” Asuka said, drooling slightly as she was lost in her fantasy. Rei snapped her fingers next to Asuka's ear a few times to bring the redhead back to reality. “Hm? Oh, sorry. I guess I just got caught up in thinking about...her…”

 

“Poor Shinji.” Rei said. “That poor boy has had a crush on you for nearly three years, and is probably the only person you know that's still oblivious to you being a lesbian.”

 

“Shinji was always sort of dim. If I’m honest, I thought he’d go after you.”

 

“If I'm being honest...I was kind of hoping he would.” Rei admitted. Asuka began chuckling, wrapping an arm around Rei.

 

“Looks like someone needs help getting her man!”

 

“It's not like you would be any help.” Rei said playfully. “You don't even like boys.”

 

“No shit. But I love you, Rei. As a best friend and a sister. And family helps each other out, right?” Asuka asked with a warm smile.

 

“Right. Thanks, Asuka.”

 

“You’re welcome, Rei. Hey, where’s Gendo?”

 

“...I think Dr. Akagi convinced him to go on a date with her.” Rei replied.

 

Asuka rolled her eyes. “If I were him, I’d go after that assistant Membrane has. Misato, her name was?”

 

“That's right.” Gendo replied from behind them, having come home moments earlier. Asuka swore out of surprise (and in German, no less), turning to face him. Gendo was a tall man, in maybe his late 40s from his appearance: black-haired, with a matching goatee, his eyes covered by semi-transparent sunglasses.

 

“D-doctor Ikari! Back so soon?” Asuka stammered.

 

“Yes.” Gendo replied. He wore a black waistcoat over a white shirt, white pants, and boots. “That date I was supposed to go on fell through.”

 

“Oh dear.” Asuka replied. “What happened? Was Dr. Akagi too much to handle?” At this point, she was trying to control her laughter, a grin spreading across her face. Gendo did not share this sentiment.

 

“That woman is insane.” he said flatly.

 

“What? Was her idea of a date to go to the convenience store to get Cherry Brainfreezies?” Asuka replied.

 

“No. Her idea of a date was to perform autopsies. She's a coroner in her spare time.” Gendo responded.

 

“Ahhhhh. That woman is attracted to anything morbid.” Asuka said. “Are you sure she doesn’t fuck the corpses as well?”

 

Rei decided to change the awkward subject by saying, “Asuka here has a crush.”

 

“W-what?!” Asuka responded. “Rei, you stupid girl! You’re making that up!”

 

“What's her name?” Gendo asked, knowing that Asuka would only get this defensive if what Rei said was true.

 

“I don’t know. I never asked.” Asuka responded.

 

Gendo snorted. “You're attracted to this girl, and you don't even know her name?”

 

“Yes…” Asuka muttered, looking away.

 

“I can't be too hard on you, honestly.” he replied. “I didn't learn my wife's name until a few weeks after we met.”

 

“...I never learned how she, or my own mother, died.” Asuka said. “I don’t think even Shinji knows. It’s too much of a personal matter for you.”

 

“After dinner tonight, I will tell you and Shinji everything.” Gendo responded. “You deserve to know.”

 

“Thank you, Doctor Ikari.”

 

Professor Membrane, meanwhile, was in the middle of breaking into the underground lair Zim and Skoodge called home. Getting the door open was laughably easy. As was disabling the rather lackluster defense system. Once inside, he stuck to the shadows, listening in on the conversation the two Irkens were having.

 

“For the last time, Zim, Dex isn’t here to ‘steal’ your mission.” Skoodge said, exasperated.

 

“YOU LIE! The Dex-monkey is here to steal my mission, and I am going to report this to the Tallest!”

 

Skoodge let out a very loud sigh. Sometimes it just didn’t pay to get out of bed.

 

“You know, for a pair of so-called ‘invaders’, you haven't really done much.” Membrane said, stepping into the light. “It's rather disappointing to know that extraterrestrial life, something mankind has wondered about for eons, is just as prone to stupidity and incompetence as we are.”

 

“WHO ARE YOU?!” Zim shouted. “HOW DID YOU GET INTO MY BASE?!”

 

“Hey, aren’t you Dib’s dad? I thought you didn’t believe in aliens!” Skoodge said.

 

“So, the Dib-worm sends his father to do his dirty work!?” Zim said. “Well, Parent...thing, get a taste of THIS, MY ULTRA HIGH TECH SECURITY SYSTEM!”

 

Nothing happened. Membrane grinned. “Your security system took me less than twenty seconds to disable, Zim. Of course, aside from my rather vast knowledge of technology, I had a bit of help when it came to knowing how to shut down your defenses. You see, you two aren't the first ‘invaders’ I've met. There was one other. Namely, a female Irken named Tak.”

 

“I KNEW IT! SHE, DEX, AND YOURSELF ARE WORKING TOGETHER!” Zim ‘concluded’. “NO ONE SHALL STEAL THE MIGHTY ZIM’S MISSION! NO ONE!” Skoodge facepalmed.

 

“Look, sir, I’m just here because the Tallest hate me. I just wanna be left alone.” he replied. “Whatever you want, I can give you, no questions asked.”

 

“Keep Zim here on a tight leash.” Membrane said, before turning to the Irken in question. “Despite your boasting, I know the only thing dangerous about you is how incompetent you are. However, my son feels differently, and is insistent on stopping whatever you plan. I won't stop him, but I will tell you this: if he gets hurt, or worse, because of one of your harebrained schemes, I'll send your head back to the Tallest in a box.”

 

“And the Dex-monkey? Are you going to give him the same protection?” Zim replied, his eyes narrowed.

 

“He hardly needs protecting.” Membrane said, before taking out a recording device. “This is a recording of my… chat with Tak. I want you to listen to it as I leave, so you can get a clear impression of what I'll do if you don't heed my warning.”

 

The recording consisted of the whirring of saws and drills, Membrane asking various questions, Tak alternating between screaming and answering said questions in a pained tone, and the sound of bones breaking. Membrane waited until he was outside before he started laughing. Once his mirth subsided, he took out a phone, calling Tak, who was completely unharmed, and told her that Zim had fallen for the faked recording hook, line and sinker. He could still hear the Irken screaming. Tak let out a long, hard, laugh. “Oh, by the Gods, he fell for that fake!?” she said. “That’s hilarious!”

 

“You are quite good at pulling off the pained tone that recording needed.”

 

“I’ve had practice.” Tak said, the last word being a subtle purr.

 

“Yes.” Membrane replied, not taking the bait. “Are you ready to infiltrate the school my children are attending? I know you've had practice with that, as well.”

 

“Don’t remind me. If it weren’t for Zim, your planet would be a giant snack bowl by now.”

 

“Is the rest of your species as stupid as him and the Tallest?”

 

“Honestly? Yes, and no. We’re a consumerist culture who thrive on junk food and conquest, but we Irkens are single-minded and can complete a goal if we really want to.” Tak explained. “Just look at me. I’m an omnisexual maniac who devours baked goods like nobody’s business. But am I any less competent for it?”

 

“No. Well, aside from that one time you got distracted by cake...while trying to stop a group of scientists from cloning Adolf Hitler.”

 

“Oh, right. That was certainly an adventure. Especially when I nearly beat the catering service to death because I had wanted quadruple chocolate fudge.” Tak said as if she were discussing the weather. “Before I end transmission, I just wish to say one thing, Professor.”

 

“Go ahead.”

 

“I just fucked Misato.” And before Membrane could say anything, she hung up. A moment later, everyone near where the Professor was standing heard him shout, “WHAT THE FUCK?!”

 

The next day, which was a Saturday, Gaz returned to the park, hoping to see Asuka again. Asuka was sitting at the same bench and smiled at Gaz. “Ah, Frau Membrane! Good to see you again, dear!”

 

“Gaz. Call me Gaz.” she replied.

 

“Gaz. A pretty name for a pretty girl such as yourself.” Asuka said. “Care to join me in relaxing?”

 

“You read my mind.” Gaz replied, noticing that Asuka looked a bit sad. “...What's wrong?”

 

“I...learned how my mother died.”

 

“I'm willing to listen if you want to talk about it.” Asuka nodded, and told her the entire story, tearing up as she did. Gaz hugged Asuka once she finished speaking. The redhead cried hard into Gaz’s shoulder for several minutes. Gaz didn't say a word, focusing instead on trying to help Asuka calm down. Asuka eventually did, smiling at Gaz as the latter wiped her tears away.

 

“Thank you, Gaz...you did what no one else would have.”

 

“It's what friends do, Asuka.” Gaz replied. “Despite only knowing you for a short time, I care about you a lot.”

 

“You...you do?” Asuka said. “I have no idea what to say...I care about you too…”

 

Gaz hesitated for a moment, before leaning forward and gently kissing Asuka. The latter briefly pulled away; purely out of surprise. “We’ve only known each other for a day, Gaz…” she whispered. “Not that I wouldn’t like to kiss you...it’s just a bit forward is all.”

 

“If there's one thing I know, it's that life is too short to hesitate.” Gaz replied. “I don't know where the winds of change will take us, but I know I want you by my side, no matter what happens, Asuka.”

 

“Are...are you saying you love me?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Asuka cried again, hugging Gaz tightly. Gaz hugged her back. When the tears subsided, Asuka whispered, “Can I tell you something, Gaz?”

 

“Of course. Anything.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

Gaz stared at her for a moment, before smiling widely and kissing Asuka again. This time, Asuka didn’t pull away and kissed her back. They held the kiss for several minutes, before Gaz heard someone awkwardly cough from behind her. She pulled away from Asuka, turning to see who it was. It was Tak, though she was disguised in an ‘older’ version of her first one from several years back. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything...Gazleen.”

 

Gaz glared at her. “What are you doing here?”

 

“Oh, I was just in the neighborhood, and thought I’d see how my old friend was doing.”

 

“Oh, we aren't friends, you bitch.” Gaz spat.

 

“Of course we are.” Tak replied facetiously.

 

“Why are you here? And don't bullshit me.”

 

“Your father asked me to check up on you.”

 

“Who is this?” Asuka asked, curious.

 

“Someone I hoped to never see again.” Gaz answered.

 

“As I mentioned before, I’m an old friend of hers. Who might you be?” Tak asked, casually scaring a hot dog vendor and devouring his wares.

 

“My name is Asuka.” the redhead answered.

 

“My father asked you to check up on me?” Gaz asked Tak. “Uh-huh.”

 

“OK, so I lied.” Tak said, her mouth full of hot dogs. “I did plan to make a dramatic return, but the alliance I have with your father prevents me from doing it.”

 

“She's an alien.” Gaz said to Asuka.

 

“...Aliens exist?” Asuka asked. “I suspected as much, but I never thought it’d be true.

 

“Well, it is.” Gaz replied.

 

“I’m not going to harm you, Gazleen, as much as I may not like you.” Tak said. “I just want you to know that Dex is being observed by certain individuals.”

 

“Who?”

 

“I can’t tell you, now can I?” Tak replied. “By the way…” She then promptly kissed Asuka on the cheek. “Cute girlfriend.”

 

A moment later, Tak was on the ground, Gaz having punched her in the face. “See? I knew I’d get that reaction out of you.”

 

“You will tell me, or I'll peel off your skin, inch. By. Inch.” Gaz said, her tone completely serene. “But not before removing your eyes, tongue and limbs.”

 

“Do you honestly want to know?” Tak said, still grinning. “You might not be able to handle it.”

 

“My mother is an utterly amoral deity of Chaos. Believe me, I'm used to mind-bending truths.”

 

“The Swollen Eyeball Network. You know, that conspiracy group your brother is a part of?”

 

“Yes.” Gaz said.

 

“They have an interest in Dex and whoever he’s battling. They want to recruit him into their ranks. For what reasons I have no idea.”

 

“Tell my father to leave Dex out of whatever he's planning.” Gaz replied.

 

“Don’t tell me you actually care about that alien bug.” Tak then found herself on the receiving end of another beatdown. Gaz was no longer the apathetic pre-teen she had encountered before. There were few people she cared about, but insulting them was enough to make her very angry. Asuka had to pull Gaz off of Tak, restraining her like a rabid puppy.

 

“Easy, love, easy!”

 

“I'LL KILL YOU, YOU HEAR ME?!” Gaz screamed at Tak as the Irken ran. “I’LL KILL YOU, YOU IGNORANT BITCH! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!”

 

“...Who is this Dex?” Asuka asked once Gaz had calmed down.

 

“You sound jealous.” Gaz noted.

 

“I am not.” Asuka replied indignantly. “I’m just curious.”

 

“Right.” Gaz said. “I'm not into guys, so you don't need to worry about me trying to hook up with Dex. Or anyone else, for that matter. But, to answer your question, he's an alien prince in exile who's living with my brother and I.”

 

“...Makes sense to me.” Asuka replied.

 

“You can meet him, if you like.” Gaz said.

 

“I’d like that. Would you like to meet Shinji, Rei, and Dr. Ikari?”

 

“I would. Perhaps all of us, and my brother, could have dinner together, either at your place or mine.”

 

“Maybe your place sounds good.”

 

“Awesome.” Gaz replied. The next day, she welcomed Asuka, Rei, Shinji and Gendo into her home. Shinji resembled a younger version of his father albeit sans the glasses and beard. He also seemed very shy and socially awkward. Dex took to him anyway. Rei wasn't sure what to think of Gaz, Dib and Dex, but she liked all three of them decently enough. Gendo ended up cooking for them. As he did that, Gaz told the others that she and Asuka were a couple. Dex nearly did a spit take, being unfamiliar with same-sex couples. He wasn’t bigoted, just confused.

 

Gaz, thankfully, wasn't offended, realizing it was a foreign concept to him, and explained that some humans were attracted to the other sex, or the same sex, or both sexes, or neither sex. Dex understood immediately, and apologized for any offenses.

 

“It's alright.” she replied.

 

And so, the conversation continued without incident. Gendo revealed he had made what was called a “taco bake”, which Dex was eager to try. Upon tasting it, he found that it was rather delicious. In fact, he found it so delicious that he asked for seconds, then thirds. And then fourths. Gendo, naturally, grew tired of this and stopped Dex while he was ahead. Dib, for his part, was impressed that Dex could eat that much for someone of his skinny build.

 

“The Gods gifted him with a stomach as big as his mouth.” Gaz said dryly once Dib voiced this thought.

 

“Indeed they have.” Asuka replied just as dryly. “So, Dex, how are you adjusting to life here?”

 

“Rather well, I suppose.” Dex replied. “Other than Zim’s buffoonery.”

 

“Ah, yes, the...green kid.” Asuka replied.

 

“I don't like him.” Rei said. “He's too loud for me to deal with.”

 

“I like his cousin, the short one.” Asuka said. “He’s rather nice, a bit loud, yes, but not too much.”

 

“I’ve never been a big fan of their weird-looking dog.” Shinji commented.

 

“That's Gir.” Gaz replied, idly fiddling with a necklace she wore. “He's as dumb as a bag of rocks.”

 

“He tried stealing my soda the other day.” Shinji said bluntly. “I let him have it because he would have annoyed me otherwise.”

 

“It was pretty funny, Shinji-kun.” Asuka said, trying to hold back a laugh. “You were trying to wrestle the can from his stubby little arms...and...and…” The redhead promptly lost control of herself, and laughed loudly. Gaz snorted, putting her feet up and lighting one of her cigarettes with a match.

 

Asuka quickly calmed herself down, and asked Gaz, “Hey, can you pass me a smoke?”

 

“Sure.” Gaz replied, handing Asuka one and lighting it for her.

 

“Danke, mein liebe.” Asuka thanked her before taking a deep puff. “Mmm, chocolate flavored!”

 

“Yep.” Gaz replied, blowing out the match.

 

“There’s such a thing as chocolate flavored cigarettes?” Shinji asked, raising a brow.

 

“My father made them.” Gaz said. “He smokes like a fucking chimney, so, naturally, he decided to create new tobacco flavors.”

 

“He smokes that much?” Asuka inquired.

 

“You can’t really tell thanks to his lab coat.” Dib explained. Their conversation was interrupted by Gendo announcing he was making a trifle.

 

“What is trifle?” Dex asked Gaz.

 

“It’s a kind of dessert.”

 

“Gendo uses Twinkies soaked in hard apple cider instead of ladyfingers and sherry.” Asuka said.

 

“A trifle is, usually, made of sponge cake and fruit, with layers of custard, jelly and cream.” Gaz continued. “Of course, some people make trifles differently.”

 

“What does Gendo do differently, aside from these ‘Twinkies’ and ‘hard apple cider’?” Dex asked, turning to Rei.

 

“He doesn't use fruit.” Rei said. “Mr. Ikari doesn't consider anything with fruit in it to be a proper dessert.”

 

Gaz explained what Twinkies and hard apple cider were to Dex. “I see.” Dex said. “But isn’t it a bit odd that he’ll use an alcoholic beverage made with fruit as a liquid in his dessert?”

 

“Yeah,” Shinji whispered. “But don’t tell him that.”

 

“Why no-” Dex began, but was interrupted by Gendo yelling about how ‘hard apple cider isn’t fruit-based’. At the top of his lungs. “...Never mind.”

 

Gaz put out her cigarette, exhaling one last bit of smoke. “I hope this trifle's good.”

 

“It actually is.” Shinji said. “My dad uses stuff like chocolate pudding and peanut butter instead of fruit.”

 

The trifle was, indeed, very good. When the meal was finished, the Membrane trio bid farewell to Shinji, Asuka, and Rei. School began again the next day, much to Gaz's annoyance. She hated almost everyone there, teacher and student alike. Except Kurt. He was the only sane one in this nuthouse.

 

Gaz's already sour mood was made worse when another new student joined the class. Namely, Tak in disguise. She scowled as the Irken took her seat, right next to Gaz. Kurt’s eye twitched slightly as he fumbled through his schedule, trying to see what the class was supposed to do today.

 

“Why are you sitting next to me?” Gaz said to Tak, her voice low and hostile.

 

“Because I like you.” Tak said dryly. “Honestly, though? I don’t.”

 

“So, I'll ask again: Why the fuck are you sitting next to me?”

 

“Because I want to make sure you don’t interfere in my plans.”

 

“What are your plans?”

 

“Take over the world, of course.” Tak replied, matter-of-factly.

 

“I think Lord Dregon might take issue with you stealing his prize.” Gaz responded, beginning to file her nails. “He's quite insane, you know.”

 

“He is more concerned with sending a monster down.” Tak pointed out. “From an Irken perspective, there is no viable strategy.”

 

“Your species chooses its leaders based of off height.” Gaz said dryly. “With that in mind, it's really no surprise the Irken Empire consists of only a few planets and several moons.”

 

“YOU LIE! YOU LIIIIIIIIIIE!” Tak screamed.

 

“Hey, quiet down!” Kurt warned her; he had been reading Perfume by Patrick Suskind.

 

“Scream in my ear again and I'll throw you off the roof.” Gaz hissed at Tak.

 

“You dare spread lies about the Irken Empire?” Tak growled back.

 

“Lies? Your species is a fucking joke. The Tallest are blithering idiots.”

 

“Silence, or I will blast you to kingdom come, bitch.”

 

Gaz turned to Kurt. “I'm going to beat her ass.” She said matter-of-factly.

 

“Go ahead.” he said, tossing her a lead pipe, not even taking his eyes off of his book. Gaz proceeded to beat the shit out of Tak. The rest of the students ignored it, except Dex. He turned to look at Gaz, wondering just what she was doing. After she finished, Gaz sat back down, going back to fong her nails like nothing had happened.

 

“W-what is wrong with you?” Dex asked her.

 

“I don't take kindly to threats.” Gaz replied.

 

“...I see. I should not be talking when my own methods are brutal.”

 

Gaz nodded. When lunch rolled around, she went to find Asuka, Rei and Shinji. They sat in a corner table, Shinji poking at his corn and mayonnaise with a disgusted look.

 

“Hey.” Gaz said as she sat down.

 

“Hello, Gaz.” Asuka said, hugging her. “How has your day been?”

 

“Not so good.” Gaz replied, returning the hug. “But seeing you just made it better.”

 

“I think my food just tried speaking.” Shinji observed, his corn and mayo moving ever so slightly.

 

“It does that.” Gaz said, holding Asuka close and stroking her hair.

 

Rei for her part, was eating a hot dog, which she was having a pleasant conversation with.

 

“What is it like being meat?” She asked the hot dog, as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

 

“Sad. Very, very sad.” the hot dog replied, its voice high-pitched. “I WANNA DIIIIIIIIIE!”

 

Rei ended its misery with a few bites. The hot dog’s spirit promptly flew out as an angelic chorus briefly sang. Asuka was too caught up in Gaz’s embrace to notice. Gaz pulled her into a kiss a moment later. Asuka kissed her back with unbridled passion. They held it for several minutes, until Gaz had to pull back to breathe. “You are such a good kisser…” Asuka purred.

 

“So are you.”

 

Shinji, meanwhile, was fighting off his food, which by now had grown eyes and primordial feet. “BACK! GET BACK, I SAID!”

 

“Shinji-kun, just eat it already!” Asuka replied.

 

“I am not eating that!”

 

Gaz stabbed the half-formed creature with a knife, killing it. “There.” She said, cleaning her blade. “Now, eat it.”

 

Shinji didn’t protest, eating the food as Gaz had ordered; when he was finished, Rei took him to the nurse. Gaz snorted.

 

“Pussy.” She said.

 

“I don’t blame him, though.” Asuka said.

 

“This school is Hell.” Gaz said. “Nobody learns anything here. All that's shared is pain and misery. I hate it here.”

 

“You’re nihilistic, aren’t you?”

 

“Kind of. I think that the only meaning the world has is the meaning we give it.” Gaz said.

 

“So, a sort of anti-nihilism?” Asuka guessed. “That is certainly admirable.”

 

“If you say so.” Gaz replied, just before a bit of food splattered in her hair. Tak had thrown it, and the look on her face was one of satisfaction.

 

“I am glad you found that amusing.” Gaz said softly, cleaning the food out of her purple locks. “Really, I am.”

 

“I am glad, worm baby.” Tak taunted.

 

“I want you to feel joy before you die.” Gaz said serenely. “Because I am going to kill you, Tak. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but you can rest assured that I will murder you.”

 

“Try me.” Tak challenged. “You are nothing. You will always be nothing.”

 

A moment later, Gaz had flipped the table she was sitting at over hard enough to shatter it, before calmly making her way over to Tak, drawing a knife as her eyes turned red.

 

“W-what are you doing?” Tak managed to squeak out.

 

“Sending you to whatever Hell Irkens are trapped in when they die.” Tak prepared herself for the inevitable, before Dex stepped between the two.

 

“Get out of my way.” Gaz said.

 

“No.” Dex refused. “I know you’re better than this, Gaz. I may not have been on this planet that long, but I see the good in everyone.”

 

Gaz closed her eyes, letting the knife slip out of her hand and clatter to the floor. “You're right. She isn't worth it.”

 

“At least you admit something.” Tak said before she found herself against the wall, but it wasn’t Gaz who was doing it. It was Dex. For the briefest of moments, she could see his true form, and it terrified her. “LET...ME...GO!”

 

“You will listen to me now, Tak of Irk.” Dex said,  his voice taking on a slight inhuman growl, his eyes piercing through her. “You will do no harm to my adoptive sister nor her girlfriend, lest you face me. Are we understood?”

 

“Y-yes!” Tak shrieked, struggling to get out of Dex’s grip; pressing his hand against her throat, the Edeni prince knocked her out cold, then dropped her into a garbage can before sitting back down as if nothing had happened.

 

“Stupid, arrogant bitch.” Gaz muttered.

 

“No shit.” Asuka said. “I swear, though...Dex changed into a large insect for what felt like a second.”

 

“That's because he is a large insect.” Gaz said.

 

“Really? I knew you told me about him and why he was here, but you didn’t tell me that.”

 

“He hasn't even told me directly, but I can see him for what he truly is. A consequence of my lineage, I suppose.”

 

“He’s using some sort of glamour, then?”.

 

“Yes. Now, my lineage is...odd. I've told you about my father, but not my mother.”

 

“Who was your mother?” Asuka inquired.

 

“Moloch, a Chaos God.”

 

“A...a what?”

 

“A Chaos God.” Gaz repeated.

 

“I still don’t understand.”

 

“Chaos Gods are powerful beings that dwell in a place called the Warp. My mother is the daughter of two of the most powerful.”

 

“And who, exactly, are the most powerful?”

 

“Khorne, the Blood God, Tzeentch, the Changer of Ways, Nurgle, the Father of Plagues, and Slaanesh, the Prince of Pleasure and She Who Thirsts.”

 

“Wait, how can one be both a Prince and a female?” Asuka asked, raising a brow.

 

“Slaanesh is neither male nor female.” Gaz said. “Rather, They appear in whatever form the viewer finds desirable.”

 

“I can see that.” Asuka replied, grinning slyly.

 

“Moloch is the offspring of a union between Slaanesh and Khorne.” Gaz continued.

 

“And you are the offspring between Moloch and Professor Membrane.” Asuka concluded.

 

“Indeed.”

 

“I can see where you get your looks from.”

 

“And my urge to kill people who piss me off.” Gaz said.

 

“You’re sadistic, but also passionate.”

 

Gaz nodded. “Does this change anything between us?”

 

“No, not really. I’ll still love you just the same.”

 

“Good.” Gaz said, smiling. “Would you like to go out somewhere tonight? Just you and me?”

 

“I would love that.”

 

That evening, they met up at the park where they first met. Gaz had changed out of her usual outfit into a red and black dress with a knee-length skirt. Asuka had changed into a nice little leather jumpsuit that showed off her assets in both front and back quite well.

 

“You look great.” Gaz said. “I mean that.”

 

“I could say the same to you, Frau.” Asuka purred. “You look stunning.”

 

“Thanks.” Gaz replied, offering Asuka her arm. Asuka took it with a smile.

 

“Where are we going, Gaz?”

 

“A rather fancy restaurant not far from here.” Gaz said. “The owner knows my father, so I was able to get us reservations.”

 

“Ooh, that sounds amazing!” Asuka said as they walked.

 

“Not as amazing as you.” Asuka blushed, and before long, they arrived at the restaurant. Unlike a lot of the city’s casual dining fare, this place at least took some effort in looking clean. The owner, who would be arrested two weeks later after police discovered several bodies in his basement, was a shifty-eyed, rat-faced Frenchman named Pierre. Asuka didn’t like him, especially not his tacky-looking, moth-eaten tuxedo.

 

Once they were seated, and Pierre walked away, Gaz let out a sigh of relief. “I really don't like that man.” she said.

 

“Neither do I. He’s just as sleazy and uncaring as any of the other food entrepreneurs here in this city.” Asuka said. “Is the food at least palatable? Not good, per se, but palatable?”

 

“The food is good. Very good, actually.”

 

“So these people actually know what they’re doing?”

 

Gaz nodded. “Just don't order any of the soups. Or salads.”

 

“Why? What’s wrong with them?”

 

“I had a dead cockroach in my soup at one point, and a live one in my salad.”

 

“Oh my. Well, I suppose I won’t be ordering those.” Asuka said. So she ordered a filet mignon. Gaz ordered a steak.

 

Asuka found out the food was beyond very good. It was excellent, in her opinion, at least compared to a place such as Bloaty’s Pizza Hog, MacMeaties, or Krazy Taco. Gaz said a brief prayer before eating, thanking the Old Gods for her good fortune. Asuka asked her a bit about the Old Gods, and she got her answers.

 

“I worship many gods from many pantheons.” Gaz explained. “Thor, Odin, Zeus, Poseidon, Ra, Horus, Danu and Shiva, to name several.”

 

“Cthulhu?” Asuka jested.

 

“You joke, but when I pray, or meditate, I can feel their presence.” Gaz said. “It's...hard to explain.”

 

“Do you believe in things like astral projection?” Asuka asked, her tone making it clear she was serious.

 

“Yes.” Gaz said. “When I meditate, I often end up in a different place mentally.”

 

“Please...I want to know more, mein liebe.” Asuka said. “Take me under your proverbial wing.”

 

After dinner was done, Gaz took Asuka back to her home, leading the redhead up to her bedroom.

 

“Getting frisky already, huh?” Dib said flatly as he watched his sister walk up to her room.

 

“Fuck off.” Gaz replied dryly.

 

Asuka giggled, then followed Gaz up to her room, knowing full well that they were not ‘getting frisky’. Gaz's room was...unique. Various statues and figurines of the deities she worshipped were scattered around the room,  the only sources of light being candles. Her bed was rather small, with only two pillows and a blanket on it, along with various notebooks filled with sketches. It gave an almost spooky feel to her surroundings.

 

“Sit, please.” Gaz said. Asuka nodded, and sat on the bed.

 

“Do you have any more questions for me?” Gaz asked her.

 

“How did you first encounter the Old Gods?”

 

“I was seven.” Gaz replied. “My brother and I were home alone. He fell and hit his head, and I couldn't wake him. I begged, in childish words, for someone, anyone, to help him. After a moment, I heard a voice whisper to me. ‘Fear not, child. He will be alright.’”

 

“I never knew you cared about your brother like that.” Asuka responded.

 

“He's an idiot, but he's also my brother.” Gaz said. “I care a lot.”

 

“Just like how I care for Rei.” Asuka said.

 

“Except she's not an idiot. She's just different.” Gaz said. “Is she just quirky? Or does she have some sort of disorder?”

 

“Aspergers.” Asuka answered. “At least that’s how Dr. Akagi diagnosed her.”

 

“I like her a lot.” Gaz replied.

 

“She likes you too. And, if I’m honest, I think she likes your brother.”

 

Gaz nodded. “Now, do you wish to experience the Gods like I do?”

 

“Yes.” Asuka answered. And so, they began.

 

Dex, meanwhile, had stepped out to do a patrol of the city; fighting monsters was one thing, but protecting the people of Earth and giving them something to believe in was another. Dex had learned that humanity had monsters of their own, ones that lurked the streets and dark alleys every night in search of prey. No, these were not like Insectovores; they were much worse. These were the rapists, the pedophiles, and the swindlers. These were the dregs of the earth that needed to be eliminated. And so, Dex, or as some had started to dub him, “the Masked Rider”, had set out into the night, hopping over rooftops like an acrobat.

 

He, unexpectedly, encountered Rei. She was lazily walking across rooftops. “Oh, er...hello, citizen.” Dex said, hoping Rei wouldn’t recognize his voice, even beneath the distortion his helmet provided.

 

“Hello, Dex.” She replied.

 

“Dex? I do not know a ‘Dex’. You must be mistaken.” Dex lied, following the mysterious blue-haired girl.

 

“No, I'm not.”

 

“How did you know it was me?” Dex asked.

 

“Your voice.”

 

“B-but it’s distorted! How were you able to figure it out?”

 

“I know your voice, Dex. Even distorted, it's still familiar enough for me to recognize you.”

 

“Fair point. What are you doing, exactly? It’s dangerous at this hour, you know.”

 

“Talking to you. Rei replied.

 

“I meant, why are you following me out here?” Dex said dryly.

 

“I'm not.” Rei said.

 

“You just wanted to talk?”

 

“No.” She replied. “I was out here for nearly an hour before you showed up.”

 

“Why?” Dex inquired.

 

“I like the solitude.”

 

Their conversation was interrupted by the shrill scream of a woman. What appeared to be a homeless man was threatening her at knifepoint. Seeing his chance, Dex hopped down from the rooftop he was on and dramatically pointed at the mugger. “HALT, VILLAIN! STEP AWAY FROM THIS LADY, OR FACE MY WRATH!” Dex wasn’t certain it would work, but he hoped it would provide an ample distraction for the woman so she could flee.

 

It didn't work. Rei landing on him and biting off his ear, however, did. This provided Dex the distraction he himself needed; while the mugger was screaming in pain, Dex grabbed him by the jaw and tore it clean off, killing the man instantly. The woman nearly vomited as she ran, not even bothering to thank Dex; despite that, however, she was thankful the mysterious hero had saved her life.

 

This woman will appear again later on in our little tale, but put her out of mind for now, dear reader. As this was going on, Gaz was standing over Asuka, who was laying still and silent on her bed, chanting to the Old Gods and sprinkling flower petals over the redhead. Asuka took deep breaths, concentrating as Gaz performed the ritual.

 

“Lords of all, let this one see you like I do.” Gaz said. “Show her your mysteries, and reveal all truths to her. Let Asuka into your fold, and reveal unto her all the knowledge of creation. Brand her, mark her, like Lord Odin marked me.”

 

And the Old Gods did. Asuka found herself in a psychedelic realm of darkness and light. She felt weightless and immobile; she could only move her eyes back and forth. A figure appeared in front of her, with the body of a man and the head of a falcon.

 

“Greeting, Asuka Langley-Soryu.” He said. “I am Horus. Welcome to the Realm of Shadow and Starlight.”

 

“Are you here to bless me, O Egyptian God of the Sky?” Asuka asked, hearing her voice project around the void.

 

“Yes.” Horus replied.

 

“Then I will accept it, so that my lover and I will be bound in both life and death.”

 

Horus pressed his palm against her forehead, his hand glowing briefly before darkening again. After doing this, he put a jeweled necklace bearing the Eye of Horus around her neck. Asuka was thrust back into the mortal plane to find the necklace had come with her.

 

“Look.” Gaz said, handing her a mirror. Asuka blinked, gently pressing her fingers against the necklace.

 

“Horus has given me his blessing…”

 

“He's marked you, too.” Gaz replied. Asuka let out a happy cry before embracing Gaz. Gaz hugged her back.

 

“I’ll always be with you.”

 

“And I with you.”

 

Soon, Asuka fell asleep. Dex, meanwhile, had been killing muggers and a few rapists with Rei’s help. His idea of justice, being rather brutal, had already started making the rounds among the city’s criminals. Rei headed home a little while before he did, waving goodbye before she left him. Dex waved back. As Dex walked back home, he thought about how Rei would make an excellent hero alongside him.

 

Professor Membrane, meanwhile, had been observing all of this. He had also been tracking the woman Rei and Dex had saved. Something about her had caught his attention. But who, exactly, was she, and what made her so interesting? The first thing he learned about her was that she wasn't human. Rather, she was a member of a reptilian species he had encountered before, known as Saurians. They had an empire that stretched across hundreds of planets, ruled over by the ruthless Empress Vesheel. The Irkens, Edeni, and others were nothing compared to the Saurians. The question was, what purpose would a Saurian have for being on Earth?

 

The Empress often sent out spies, yes, but why would she send one to a backwater planet like Earth? It didn't make any sense. Unless, of course, she had caught wind of the arrival of Dex and Dregon. In that case, this was very bad news indeed. He would have to keep an eye on this Saurian, and find out what she was up to.

 

Speaking of Dregon, he had been observing this occurrence as well from his orbital fortress. He had faced the Saurians before. They were no laughing matter. Their Empress was worse. And this was coming from someone who had environmentally decimated his planet, driving his own species to an inevitable extinction.

 

Naturally, his underlings didn't take the situation as seriously as he did. Veuve even went as far as to suggest he just send down an Insectivore in order to take care of the Saurian spy.

 

“No.” Dregon said.

 

“Duhhh, why not boss?” Twinsect asked.

 

“Because, from a statistical standpoint,” Fact informed. “An Insectovore is no match for a Saurian.”

 

“Even if it was, we would not survive Empress Vesheel's retaliation.” Dregon said. “A Saurian Battlefleet would annihilate this fortress.”

 

“So what do we do?” Fact asked, his chipper tone unchanging.

 

“Leave her be, at least for now.” Dregon replied.

 

Empress Vesheel herself, meanwhile, had just stepped onto the desolate surface of Edonoi. She wore bronze armor covered by a blood red cloak, with a jeweled crown resting on her head. Her bright yellow eyes looked over the landscape, taking in the sights of what were once great cities. Now they were just ruins, destroyed through centuries of desertification and warfare.

 

“Such a shame.” She said aloud to no one in particular. She hadn't bothered to bring her bodyguards. “A great civilization brought low by hubris and ambition.”

 

She was soon approached by King Lexian, who greeted her warily. “Ah, Vesheel.” the old grasshopper-like alien said. “What brings you to this forsaken wasteland?”

 

“I wished to visit my daughter's grave.” Vesheel replied. “It feels like ages ago now since she married you, Lexian.”

 

“And look at what her bastard of a son spawned.” Lexian said, gesturing to their surroundings. “Do you think the Gods hide in the heavens because they, too, fear what they’ve created?”

 

“Perhaps.” Vesheel replied. “So, are you simply waiting here to die?”

 

“What choice do I have? My son killed his own mother, his brother and his wife, and left myself and his nephew the inheritors of nothing.” Lexian said. “Why did I not stop him when I had the chance?”

 

“How could you have known?” Vesheel replied. “Dregon, by all accounts, was the perfect son and heir that you wanted. You couldn't have seen the poison lurking beneath that facade.”

 

“I miss Shiva, Vesheel. I miss her so much.” Lexian whispered.

 

“She loved you, Lexian. The marriage was arranged, but she loved you, nonetheless. You made her happy.” she replied.

 

“But now she is gone, and my species is dying.” Lexian repeated. “I have nothing left.”

 

“I cannot save your world, but I can save your people.” Vesheel said.

 

“How?” Lexian said. “We are going extinct faster than expected.”

 

“I have ships coming to evacuate as many members of your species as possible.” She replied. Immediately, Lexian fell onto his knees, crying.

 

“I am not what one would call nice, but I do not wish to see your species go extinct.” Vesheel said. “Your people will be my subjects, of course, but you will be vassals, not slaves.”

 

“Thank you…” Lexian said. “I am bound to your favor, my Empress.”

 

Vesheel inclined her head. “It is the least I can do, old friend.” And so, the evacuations began.

 

Gaz, meanwhile, was sleeping. Once again, she met her mother.

 

“Hello again, Gazleen.” Moloch greeted, her tone indicating that she was still reeling from their last encounter. “What brings you to my realms? Are you here to brag that you won’t embrace your destiny as a Daemoness and will have a ‘normal’ life among the fleshbags?”

 

“Ending up here wasn't my choice.” Gaz said, crossing her arms. “The dreams I have are never my choice. It is always the will of the Gods that determines what I dream about.”

 

“So why, then, have your pathetic Gods chosen to bring you to me?”

 

“Pathetic, are they? At least they answer my prayers. You and the rest of the Chaos Gods just sit in the Warp with your thumbs up your asses, playing the ‘Great Game’ for eternity.”

 

“For that is our destiny.” Moloch said. “Join us, Gazleen. Do you know of the power you could have?”

 

As much as Gaz despised this offer, part of her hungered for the power her mother offered. She saw herself, seated on a throne, with everyone she knew bowing before her. Something seemed to wake up in the back of her mind, a dark side to Gaz that would begin vying for control over the coming days. When Gaz awoke in a cold sweat, there was now a voice in her head, manifesting itself in the form of a tapeworm plush doll she had since she was younger.

 

Much to her distress, her purple eyes were now tinged with red. Additionally, her hair was now a bit darker. “Hello, Gazleen.” the tapeworm greeted, its plush ‘skin’ a faded and ghastly yellow, one of its eyes appeared to be missing, and its smile, which once somehow managed to comfort Gaz and fight back the imaginary creatures under her bed, now seemed to be demented and unsettling. “I am Mr. Scolex. How nice to see you again after so many years.”

 

“What are you?” Gaz whispered, seeing him in the mirror she was staring at. “What do you want?”

 

“I am something that can be described in many ways. Your shadow, as the great Carl Jung describes it. Your id, as his contemporary Freud termed it. I am your primal thoughts, your deepest desires. The part of you that you don’t want to acknowledge. As for what I want…” At this point, Mr. Scolex tied himself around Gaz’s waist and turned to face her, his look unchanging. “I want you to embrace your dark side.”

 

Gaz woke up again, this time for real, to find Asuka shaking her. “Gaz! Are you all right?!”

 

“No.” Gaz replied, sitting up slowly. “No, I'm really not.”

 

“I heard you talking to someone named ‘Mr. Scolex’.” Asuka said, her tone worried.

 

“Yeah.” Gaz said. “I was talking to him. What time is it?”

 

“About...5 in the morning.”

 

“Not when I planned to get up, but fuck it. If I'm going to tell you what I dreamed about, I need coffee.”

 

Asuka nodded, and quickly brewed her some; it was pitch-black, just the way Gaz liked it. After taking a few sips, Gaz cleared her throat.

 

“I saw my mother.” She said.

 

“Yes, Moloch.” Asuka said, remembering what Gaz had told her.

 

“She wants me to accept her offer of becoming a Daemoness. She says it's my ‘destiny.’”

 

“Fuck that.” Asuka said, her eyes showing a fiery passion for her girlfriend’s well-being. “You make your own destiny.”

 

“I know, but part of me wants the power she is offering.” Gaz replied. “Mr. Scolex, he calls himself.”

 

“But, what, exactly, is he?” Asuka prodded. “You haven’t told me.”

 

“My id, my shadow.” Gaz said. “My dark side.” Asuka promptly embraced her, pushing Gaz’s face against her chest, stroking her hair.

 

“I swear, I won’t let him get to you.”

 

“Thank you, Asuka.”

 

“I don’t need your thanks, mein liebe. Your love is enough.” Asuka whispered.

 

“Then let me show it to you.” Gaz whispered back, pulling Asuka into a deep kiss. Asuka kissed her back, and things progressed from there. Making love for the first time, Asuka noted, was a fantastic experience. Most people thought that it was just a rough, primal action. For her, however, it went beyond the physical experience and into the emotional. To have Gaz caress and kiss her in that way was wonderful.

 

When they finished, Gaz held her close, panting. “I love you.”

 

“I know you do.” Asuka said, giving the goth gentle neck kisses. “And I will always love you back.”

 

Now, dear reader, this would be a good place to end our story for now; but, this story being what it is, we will not ‘skimp out’ on the battle between Dex and whatever monster of the week Dregon sends. However, we will get to it in time. For now, let’s leave these two lovebirds alone, and focus on someone else for a change: Gendo Ikari’s fellow scientist, Ritsuko Akagi.

 

As Gendo himself put it, the woman was crazy. Very, very crazy. So it was no surprise that she struck up a friendship with a mysterious fellow by the name of Johnny C. This fellow, however, was beyond insane; whereas Ritsuko channeled her craziness into mad science and analyzing corpses, Johnny, or “Nny”, as he preferred, channeled his insanity into something much more...morbid.

 

Good old Johnny was a serial killer. The bodies Ritsuko dissected were those of his victims. When Ritsuko first met Johnny, she had gone to the local convenience store for a Super Large Glug, this particular chain’s specialty. Filling her massive cup with Diet Poop cola, she had seen Johnny, a grossly underweight (about 115 pounds) man in his early twenties with yellowed skin and large eyes undercut with dark circles from chronic insomnia topped with a mop of wiry black hair, drinking a Cherry Brainfreezie.

 

“The fuck are you looking at?” He had said harshly when he noticed her staring at him.

 

“I’m looking at you.” she said bluntly. “Enjoying that Brainfreezie?”

 

“No. It tastes like dog piss, but I already skull-fucked my liver, so I can't drink booze no more.”

 

“Ah, I see. I don’t drink myself.” Ritsuko said. “Can’t say the same for my friend Misato. Girl’s a booze-hound who’ll fuck anything with an orifice.”

 

“Really, now?”

 

“You seemed disgusted when I mentioned it.” Ritsuko said, before drinking her Glug without even bothering to pay for it, much to the ire of the snot-nosed, acne-ridden clerk.

 

“HEY, YA GOTTA PAY FOR THAT!” he interrupted their conversation. This seemed to make something in Johnny snap. A moment later, the clerk's left hand was pinned to the counter by a knife.

 

“That wasn't very nice.” Johnny said softly. “You shouldn't talk to a lady like that.”

 

“Oh, fuck you.” the clerk gasped out. “You’re just that wacky guy who works at the high school as a fuckin’ janitor.”

 

“...Wacky?” Johnny asked, his voice low and dangerous. “You think I’m wacky?” He twisted the knife further into the clerk’s hand. “Do I look like a clown, boy? Huh? Do I?”

 

“Oh God, you’re not gonna start quotin’ Goodfellas, are ya?” Despite the pain, the clerk’s snark and disregard for his safety (and by extension, his life) was unwavering.

 

Without another word, Johnny yanked the knife out and began stabbing the clerk over and over again. All the while, he was shouting “I’ll show you WACKEEEEEEE!” over and over again. Ritsuko watched, but her reaction was not one of ‘Oh my God, I need to report this man to the police!’ like a sane person would have. Instead, it was utter fascination at the way Johnny was stabbing the clerk, noting the incisions he was making. When Johnny was finished killing the clerk, he simply went back to drinking his slushie as if nothing had happened.

 

“Well, at least this means I get free refills.” Ritsuko commented.

 

“Uh-huh.” Johnny replied, snorting. This was the beginning of a beautiful (and terrifying) friendship.

 

Now, dear reader, we will get to the monster. Dregon had no idea why, but he felt compelled to send yet another monster down to the city. Perhaps it was to take his mind off the spectre of a Saurian invasion. Perhaps he had simply lost what remained of his sanity, and was sending an Insectivore down for completely mad reasons. Regardless, the Insectivore was sent. It was a large, bat-like creature, the color of a bright fire patterned on its dark and leathery flesh. Its eyes were a bright yellow, and its fangs were incredibly large and protruding, giving it a demonic appearance. It was called ‘Vampyro’, for the ability it had to spontaneously generate fire from its maw.

 

Gaz ended up seeing it first. Her eyes narrowed, before she took off toward the creature, hoping to kill it quickly. She was stopped by a large column of flame nearly hitting her. Spigore, this creature was not. Vampyro proceeded to beat the shit out of Gaz, the teenage girl helpless to fight back...until her shadow took over. Scolex slithered into Vampyro’s view, before wrapping himself around Vampyro’s neck; though no one could see this, as Dex proved when he arrived.

 

He got there just in time to see Gaz strangling Vampyro to death, her eyes glowing bright red. Horns had appeared on her head, and a pair of wings and a tail had sprouted from her back. Before Dex could do anything, however, several of Dregon’s Maggots cornered him. With a shout of “Ectophase, activate! HENSHIN!”, Dex transformed. With several quick movements, Dex made quick work of the foot soldiers, tearing limbs and entrails from their bodies. Wasting no time, Dex promptly summoned his motorcycle, and with a shout of ‘Rider...BREAAAK!’, he rammed full speed into Vampyro, causing the creature to explode in a mass of blood, gibs, and flame, knocking Gaz several miles away.

 

Which was fortunate for Dex, because she wanted to murder him for stealing her kill...again. She did manage to calm herself down, only to realize she was stranded in a dark forest, and her leg had been badly broken. All Gaz could do was sit, and pray help would arrive before some hungry predator did…

 

Spoiler

First appearances: Shinji, Rei, Asuka, Gendo, Ritsuko, Empress Vasheel, Johnny, Mr. Scolex

-The inclusion of characters from Neon Genesis Evangelion is partly out of author appeal, and partly a reference to how Jhonen Vasquez is a fan of NGE (as seen in the Invader Zim episode "Megadoomer")

-This episode focuses almost entirely on Gaz, and is the first to end on a cliffhanger.

-Mr. Scolex is a twofold reference: one to Vasquez's pen name, and the other to a case of what could have been in regards to Johnny the Homicidal Maniac - a tapeworm by that name acting as one of several facets of Johnny's psyche.

-Dex reveals another move: the Rider Break, where he rams his motorcycle into a monster

-We are first told of an alien species known as "Saurians" and that Dex's great-grandmother is their Empress.

-We also find out that the Irken Empire is far, far smaller than previously shown due to the Irken hierarchy being based soley on height. This also acts as a reference to a prevailing theory about Oceania from Nineteen Eighty Four - that it is an equivalent to North Korea (i.e. a state that, despite its claims, is far smaller/insignificant on the political map). The "Empire" consists only of a few planets (Irk, Blorch, Callnowia, Conventia, the Conveyor Belt Planet, Devastis, Foodcourtia, Judgementia, the Storage Planet, Vort, and Dirt) and its allies (the Planet Jackers, the Blobs, and Hobo 13). In total, the Empire has 15 planets and a few moons under its belt - not exactly the largest state in the galaxy.