Squid

[crushingmayhem]

42a - To Speak or Not to Speak

Eellen has to give a speech in her class, and she is extremely nervous about it. Eellen has never been the best at public speaking. Squidward, Daphne, Ray and Peterpus decide to help her out, giving her advice on how to get over her shyness. Squidward, Ray and Peterpus are still on edge about Daphne due to her actions in the previous episode, but tolerate her nonetheless. Eventually, the day comes. Professor Shell calls Eellen up to give her speech. Eellen gets up to do so, as her friends give her thumbs up in reassurance. Eellen proudly stares at the students, and gives her speech about music. Everyone is impressed, even Professor Shell. She gets an A+, much to her happiness, but gives special thanks to her friends for helping her get over her shyness. 

Trivia: One student is seen on Instaclam in the classroom.

 

42b - The Fast and the Serious

Ray decides to join PMU's track team, after hearing the track team needs help to defeat their rival Atlantic Crustacean University in an upcoming competition. His ego gets to him, and hopes he can become the fastest student on campus. However, he begins to have a rivalry with Brad, who is also on the team. A week later, PMU goes up ACU in the competition. While competing, Brad attempts to sabotage Ray's attempts, but Ray is able to avoid Brad. However, Ray comes in third place in the end, as AMU takes the win, much to the disappointment of many. Ray realizes he was not fit for track, but Squidward, Peterpus, Daphne, and Eelllen aren't mad at him, knowing they tried his best, cheering him up. Ray quits track, and decides he shouldn't force something for popularity.

Trivia:

-Brad (from "Ray's New Ride") returns.

-Professor Gilliam (from "Bare Necessities") makes a cameo.

-This is the third time Atlantic Crustacean University appears.

Notes: The title is a reference to "The Fast and the Furious".

Edited August 13, 2017 by jjsthekid

[Yoshi]

43a. Poker Face

One day, Peterpus discovers a group of shady poker playing students at PMU. He decides to play along with them, and eventually after multiple games, gets addicted to poker. Daphne and Eellen hear about this, as they try to convince Peterpus to leave the group while he still can, but he ignores Daphne, still bitter after the events of "Pacific Drama Time". Squidward and Ray also worry about Peterpus, but he insists the group is cool. Eventually though, the shady group starts to gamble actual money, and Peterpus has second thoughts. One of the group members turns out to be an undercover campus hall monitor named Zach, who has caught the group redhanded. The entire group is later seen at Wobbegong's office, all in serious trouble. Daphne goes there, and insists not to punish Peterpus, because he had no clue what their true intentions were. Wobbegong admits she couldn't imagine Peterpus being bad, so she lets him off the hook, but gives the rest of the group detentions. Peterpus thanks Daphne for standing up for him, and Daphne apologizes to him for the awful love triangle video she made, saying she had to make it up to him somehow. Peterpus forgives her, as they become friends again.

First Appearances: Poker Group, Zach

Notes: 

-This episode (along with its partner) is unaired in some countries due to the subject of gambling.

-Daphne has fixed her strained relationship with Peterpus after the events of "Pacific Drama Time".

Trivia: Yark (from It's Called "Gruzz"), Melody (from Instaclam Flexin and Peterpus in Love), James-Sebastian Seahorse III & and Kappa Finma (from Welcome to the Fin Fraternity and Kappa Squidma) make cameos.

 

43b. Twisted Tuesday 

One stormy night, Squidward is looking out his room window. He looks at all of Ray's sports trophies, realizing how good he has it. Squidward then gets jealous of Ray's life, and wishes he could have his life, right when lightning strikes outside. The next morning, Squidward and Ray wake up to discover a strange supernatural occurrence: the two have switched bodies! After reasonably freaking out, both ask Daphne, Eellen and Peterpus how this happened. Eellen asks Squidward if he made a wish during lightning last night, to which he replies yes. Eellen then explains that it is rumored if you make a wish at the exact time lightning strikes, it may come true. Ray asks when this will wear off, and she replies that it only lasts twenty-four hours, according to legends anyways. Until then, Ray lives out Squidward's life, and Squidward lives out Ray's life, as they walk a mile in each other's shoes. Ray gains a better appreciation for the clarinet, while Squidward gains a better appreciation for sports. The twenty-four hour timeframe eventually ends, as the two go back to normal. The experience gives them a better view at each other's lives, and they respect each other a little more after this.

Notes: This episode is unaired in some countries due to its partner. 

Edited August 13, 2017 by jjsthekid

[Sophlez]

44a. Taste of Competition

Ray decides to participate in a Krabby Patty eating contest at PMU. Peterpus and Squidward decide to help him out when they learn his opponent is the son of famed eating contest legend Oswald McNulty: Oswald Jr. The day comes, as Ray, Oswald Jr., and several other competitors start eating away. Eventually, it's down to just Ray and Oswald Jr, both at 97 Krabby Patties. Both are able to eat two more, and Ray starts to feel tired. Peterpus and Squidward encourage Ray to keep going, and he manages to eat one more, getting himself to 100 before Oswald Jr. Ray is crowned the winner, earning a fancy belt. Oswald Jr. gives Ray a friendly handshake and congratulations, hoping to compete with him again someday. 

First Appearances - Oswald Jr.

Notes: Daphne and Eellen have no lines in this episode, only cameos.

Trivia: 

-This episode is a reference to "What's Eating Patrick?" from SpongeBob, and Oswald McNulty (from the episode) is mentioned.

-Peterpus references "Monster Krabby Headache", warning Ray not to strain himself or he'll go into a coma again.

44b. Up Top

One day, the PMU students go on a field trip to visit the tallest building in New Kelp City: The Kelp Skyscraper. The gang starts to suspect Peterpus may have a fear of heights on their way there. Despite their suspicions, he insists he doesn't, but then freaks out upon seeing skydiving ad on the bus' television. He then admits he has a fear of heights, so his friends decide to band together and help him get over the fear. Peterpus freaks out, seeing the skyscraper, but his friends say the best way to conquer a fear, is to face it. As the day progresses, Peterpus keeps climbing the skyscraper, and becomes increasingly less nervous of heights. They make their way to the top, admiring the view of New Kelp City, as Daphne and other students take several pictures. Peterpus looks out at the city proud, not feeling a single fear.

Trivia: Peterpus is revealed to have a fear of heights, which he gets over.

[Yoshi]

45a. Forgive Me Not

After having previously made up with Peterpus, Daphne decides now is the time to make things right with Squidward and Ray due to her hurtful videos. Daphne gives them both heartfelt apologies, promising she never meant for things to go that far, but Ray thinks she is just apologizing to make herself feel better. Daphne swears she is sincere, and wants to be friends again with them, but Squidward says she is going have to do a lot more than that to make their group go back to normal. Eellen chimes in that Daphne may have to make it up to everyone at PMU, not just Squidward and Ray. Daphne wonders how to do that, and Eellen gets the idea of Daphne making another video, but this time embarrassing herself. Daphne decides to do just that, as many students and the gang watch Daphne's humiliating video, embarrassing herself to show she's not perfect either. Daphne then gives a sincere apology to everyone at the end of the video, promising she won't make gossip videos ever again just for "fame". Wobbegong sees this from her computer, nodding in approval. Daphne is happy her reputation is saved, and their friend group goes back to normal.

Notes: Daphne has fixed her strained relationship with Squidward, Ray and the whole school after the events of "Pacific Drama Time", concluding that small arc.

Trivia: Many one-time and reoccurring characters make cameos watching Daphne's video.

 

45b. Wheel of Misfortune

One day, while inside the New Kelp City Krusty Krab, Squidward sees a commercial for a game show named "Wheel of Misfortune", hosted by Alex Boast. Jealous of his friends raking in some cash from their jobs, and feeling he could use some money himself, Squidward decides to be a contestant in this game show, after quickly dialing the number. He is able to get a spot on the show for tomorrow's game, much to his surprise. His friends wish him the best, but also warn him it's 99% based on luck. Squidward is daring, and goes through with it. Alex Boasts welcomes him, as Squidward is the next participant, while a random fish walks away crying after getting bankrupt. After a long and intense game, Squidward is at $5,000. Just when it looks like he is about to get a bankrupt, Squidward instead lands on a $300. Alex then tells Squidward we're all out of time, but he can choose to pick up this game another time if he wishes. Squidward is happy he at least got some money, so he decides he'll end it here. Squidward goes back to his friends, flashing his shiny check for $5,300. They are impressed he managed to get that much knowing how difficult the game is, and are proud of him. Squidward, feeling some generosity, offers to spend some of his money for any special gifts they wanted. His friends are touched by this, and they head off to the mall.

First Appearances: Alex Boast 

Trivia: First time the New Kelp City Krusty Krab appears in Season 3.

 

Edited August 25, 2017 by jjsthekid

[TJ]

46a. No Pets Allowed!  

One day, SpongeBob asks Squidward to babysit Gary while he has to attend a weekend-long fry cook convention, offering him two hundred dollars for his services. Squidward jumps at the opportunity, wanting to buy a new clarinet for himself. After SpongeBob drops Gary off, Peterpus reminds Squidward that the campus has a 'No Pets' rule, but Squidward assures him that he won't be caught. The next morning, Gary has seemingly disappeared, and Squidward calls upon Peterpus, Eellen, Ray, and Daphne to help him search for the snail. The gang gets into a mad dash across campus, fearing the wrong person will discover Gary and report to Wobbegong. It is revealed at the end that Wobbegong had Gary the whole time, and has fallen in love with the snail. 

Goof: Daphne's hair changes from wavy to straight midway through the episode.

 

46b. A Pet For Wobbegong

SpongeBob picks Gary up from campus, leaving Wobbegong disheartened. Eellen decides that the gang should pitch in and surprise Wobbegong with a pet of her own. Squidward, Daphne, Ray, and Peterpus all give Eellen their share of the money, but Eellen buys an baby Alaskan Bull Worm instead of a snail, inciting rage from the rest of the group. Eellen assures that baby Bull Worms are innocent, and decides to go ahead and give the creature to Wobbegong. Wobbegong disproves of the pet, giving it back to Eellen. Eellen decides to care for it herself, naming it Gnarly. The next morning, it appears Gnarly has literally grown in size overnight, and has also become hostile. Gnarly tries to eat Eellen, leading her to trap herself in her room closet. Reports of strange noises from Eellen's dorm room spread around campus, leading Squidward and Peterpus to suspect that Gnarly is holding Eellen hostage in there. Squidward calls animal control, who arrive and save Eellen from Gnarly. Gnarly is taken away and Wobbegong decides to re-tighten the rules regarding pets on campus.

Note: One of the workers from animal control seems to be Larry, The Lobster.

First Appearances: Gnarly

Edited September 13, 2017 by jjsthekid

[Harvey Birdman]

47a. BasketBrawl

Squidward and Ray join an intramural basketball team, and assuming that basketball would be a cakewalk due to his physical gifts, Ray doesn't bother to practice with the rest of the team. During the first game, Ray plays noticeably worse than Squidward and the others, however, and his poor play causes them to lose. Squidward confronts Ray after the game, and Ray is so annoyed that he pushes Squidward to the floor. Squidward gets back up and pushes Ray back. The other teammates try to intervene, but they're unable to get Squidward and Ray away from one another. Their fight escalates into a massive, anime-style combat in which they both grow yellow hair and shoot beams of energy at one another. Ray is eventually able to overpower Squidward, and right before he can deliver the killing blow, he breaks into tears, admitting that he messed up and was a horrible teammate. Squidward, barely able to move, simply nods, and Ray helps Squidward back up and promises to go to future practices. Squidward responds that he might be done with basketball for the semester...and for the rest of his life after that.

First Appearances: Intramural basketball players

47b. The Show Must Go On

Daphne has just gotten a role in a Codway production (technically an Off-Off-Off Codway production, but that's a detail she doesn't emphasize when she tells her friends). Fin-Manuel Miranda, the director, is an obsessive and slightly deranged shark who constantly criticizes his actors and makes them do unorthodox things, like use real swords. Most of the original actors quit, but Daphne stays loyal to Miranda, thinking that he's a genius who will be a valuable connection to have in the future. After several months of intense rehearsal, the play is finally ready to be shown to the public, and Daphne invites all of her friends to opening night. Right before the play can start, though, policemen storm the theater, revealing that Fin-Manuel Miranda is the assumed name of a criminal wanted in several territories for racketeering, larceny, and being a generally unpleasant person. Miranda immediately gets Daphne in a headlock and puts a sword to her throat, telling the policemen not to come any further if they don't want innocent blood on their hands. While this is going on, Eellen eats kelpcorn excitedly, saying the play is great so far. Daphne knees Miranda in the groin, causing him to drop the sword and grab himself in pain as Daphne runs away and the cops surround him. As Miranda is dragged out of the theater in handcuffs, he tells Daphne that she has a bright future ahead of her and that he'll be viewing plays directed by her in ten to twenty years. The audience members look at one another with confusion, and Eellen wonders if the play's already over. Daphne assures her that it's just getting started, and she rounds up all of the actors to put on a performance of a lifetime.

First Appearances: Fin-Manuel Miranda

Trivia: First time Daphne's theatre ambitions are referenced since Episode 10b.

[Bulbasaur]

Because JJStheKid is asking for it, I'm providing it! Here's episode 48 for the "Squid" series, that I was asked to guest-write!  I hope you enjoy it! /

“Squid” / Intro: The scene opens up on a creepy night! The camera pans forward to Squidward's house, where it's all decorated for Halloween! In Squidward's study, the scene shows a roaring fire, with a purple chair in front of it. The chair swivels around to reveal: Squidward dressed as a vampire! Squidward laughs evilly, and he says: "I've got Halloween stories, that feature Ray Sting, Peterpus, Eellen Rogers, Daphne, Greg Shell, and Helga! And even some more characters that you might be familiar with! I'm celebrating Halloween night by telling three scary stories for the discerning viewer; each more horrifying than the last! So sit back, turn off the lights if you're brave enough; grab a bag of popcorn, and prepare to have your pants scared off! This is our FIRST annual; Stories of SCREAMS!" (A woman screaming in fright is heard in the background!) /

Story I: "School House of Wax."

Spoiler

On one particular night at PMU, the sour Helga looks at all the students running around, dressed in Halloween costumes, and fooling around with each other by engaging in various Halloween pranks. Helga says: "Look at all those slimy little students having fun on a school day; They make me sick! They mess up the hallways, the classrooms, the cafeteria,and the bathrooms; and who has to clean it all up?!" Greg Shell pipes up and answers: "Our janitors?" Helga says: "Okay, sure; get technical! But who has to pay for the janitors to clean up these messes?! It's me! I wish I could do something about this situation to stop the students from messing with my college forever!" A tiny, evil voice, says: "I might be able to help you with that!" Helga looks around and asks: "Who said that?!" The tiny, evil voice, says: "Down HERE!" Helga looks down, and sees the familiar sight of Sheldon J. Plankton! Helga sourly says: "Oh, it's you again! You are not a welcome sight here!" Plankton says: "Oh, that's a pity; because I have a plan that could help you out with your little 'situation,' take care of the students 'permanently', if you know what I mean!"

Helga says: "You mean you want me to willingly work with you; the most evil being to ever walk or swim underneath the seven seas?! How callous and evil do you think I am?!" Plankton says: "Callous and evil enough to work with me?! Think of all the money you would save! What is one sea creature, or a dozen, or a hundred?!" Helga thinks about it, and she evilly says: "I do love me some money!" Greg Shell seriously says: "We cannot align with this foul creature! We simply cannot trust him!" And Helga hits Greg Shell with a Frying Pan of Doom, in the one place he can feel it, on his head! And Helga ties Greg up, and she throws him into a broom closet, and locks it! Helga says: "Sorry Greg, but my love of money, outweighs your pathetic reasoning that I couldn't care less for! Now Plankton, what was that plan of yours again?" Plankton says: "I thought you would never ask! Here is what I am going to do!" And the scene turns red, with Plankton getting a menacing, sinister look on his face! /

Squidward is walking towards his college, dressed as Jason Voorhees from the “Friday the 13th” film series, and he is holding the hands of Squilivia, who is dressed as one of the “Walking Dead;” or another one of Jason's helpless victims! Squidward says: “Thank you for coming to my college's Halloween festival, Squilivia! It just wouldn't have been as fun without you!” Squilivia says: “Anything for a guy I went out on a date with once! Besides, I didn't have anything better to do tonight!” Squidward says: “I should warn you, though; there's a very distinct possibility that sometime tonight, that Spongebob and Patrick will probably come to crash our College party tonight in order to ruin it like they always do with anything I enjoy!” Squilivia rolls her eyes and says: “I know what you mean. At my old school, there was this sponge named Girly Teengirl who had the most annoying voice and laugh! She doesn't even grasp the concept of fine art, either!” Squidward gasps in shock, and he says: “You have an annoying sponge, too?!” Squilivia nods, and says: “It's like some unwritten rule or something; annoying sponges seem to be inexplicably magnetized to proper, upstanding octopus' like ourselves! But I'm sure that we're way more scary than anything they want to deal with!”

Squidward stops, and he says: “That's 'scarier'; the proper term is, we are scarier than anything that they want to deal with!” Squilivia rolls her eyes, and she says: “Do you really want to blow your second chance with me?! Don't correct my grammar if you already understand what I am trying to say to you, or in general! There are hundreds of octopus' in Tentacle Acres who would love to have a date with lovely young me, you know!” Squidward blushes in embarrassment, and he says: “Yes, Squiliva. I'm so sorry, Squilivia!” Squilivia says: “That's better! Now let's go in, and enjoy this party!” They walk in, but they find the hallways mysteriously empty! Squilivia asks: “This is a party?! It doesn't look like any party that I've ever been to!” Squidward says: “I'm just as mystified as you are, Squilivia. My College is never This empty on a Halloween night, even when Halloween falls on a weekend night!” Squilivia says: “Maybe the party is in the auditorium, or something, this year.” Squidward says: “You're probably right. Let's go explore and see what we can find.” Squidward and Squilivia begin walking through the hallways, but the hallways are getting inexplicably filled up with fog, cobwebs, and spiders!

Squilivia says: “Maybe one of your teachers know what's going on!” Squidward says: “That's a good idea! Let's ask a teacher what's going on!” They go into a classroom, and it looks like Greg Shell is standing in front of a classroom, talking to Ray Sting, Peterpus, Eellen Rogers, and Daphne. Squidward asks: “Greg, where is the Halloween party located?” But nobody answers. Squidward gets a little concerned, and asks: “Greg, didn't you hear what I said?! I'm asking you where should we go to the party?!” And Squidward knocks on Greg's head, but it falls off!” Squilivia gasps, and she says: “You just killed the Professor!” Squidward says: “I'm not that strong, and he's not that week!” Squidward smells, and he says: “It smells like wax!” Squidward touches the fake, Greg Shell head, and he says: “It feels like Wax!!!!” Squidward leans down with his tongue, and Squilivia asks: “Why would you want to taste it?!” Squidward blushes, and he says: “Sorry, I was in the zone!” Squilivia touches all of the 'students,' and she blanches, her face turning white with fear! Squilivia eerily says: “They're all made of wax!!!!” Squidward gulps, and he says: “Are we the only physical beings here?!” And Squidward and Squilivia begin running into each classroom they come across; but each classroom they try, they run into the same scenario, a wax professor teaching a bunch of wax students! Squidward gets freaked out, and he shouts: “They are all the same!" Squilivia asks: “What is the meaningof all of this?!” Squidward puts on a brave face, and he says: “Spongebob and Patrick! You better cut this out, this isn't funny anymore!”

But Squilivia opens a broom closet, to reveal Spongebob and Patrick boundand gagged, meaning that they are not behind this! Squidward hollowly asks: “But if it's not Spongebob and Patrick, than who could it...?” But just then, Helga laughs evilly over the loudspeakers! Helga cackles: “AH, HA, HA, HA! Want to try to save your friends?! Than come into the auditorium for a special treat; Or a trick, if you dare! MWA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!” Squidward says: “Honestly, I could care less about what happens to Spongebob and Patrick...” Squilivia removes Spongebob's gag, and Spongebob asks: “What's that supposed to mean?!” Squidward continues: “But when someone messes with friends like Greg, Ray, Peterpus, Eellen, and Daphne; that's when I get mad! Come on, Squilivia! We're getting to the bottom of this nonsense once and for all!” And they run off to the auditorium! Patrick spits his gag out, and he asks: “Aren't you gonna rescue us?!” Spongebob sourly says: “You know, sometimes I get the sneaking suspicion that Squidward really doesn't like us that much!!” / Squidward and Squilivia run into the auditorium, and they are shocked to find themselves in a room full of mirrors, and every one of them has the sinister image of Helga, dressed as a witch and holding a hot pot of liquid wax! Squidward shockingly asks: “Helga! You're the one behind this?! I've always thought of you as being a cynic and a sucker for smart, overachieving girls; but I never thought of you as downright evil!” Helga evilly laughs, and she says: “EEEH, HEE, HEE, HEE! Yes! I arranged for the entire faculty and students to be captured, and replaced with wax figures! I will save so much money in this fiscal school year!” Squilivia says: “You're despicable!”

Helga genuinely says: “Thank you! But I can't take allthe credit!” Squidward asks: “So who's helping you?!” Helga says: “That's for me to know, and for you to never find out!” Squidward says: “You can't stay hidden forever!!” All of the Helga images on the mirrors appear to say: “I'm not hiding forever; I'm hiding in plain sight! But which one of us is the real image and not just a reflection on a mirror?! Are you willing to gamble, with the fate of your very precious girlfriend on the line if you're wrong?!” Squilivia desperately says: “NO! Don't listen to her, Squidward! You can't give up because of me! This college needs you, Squidward! The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one! You must go on without me! It would be a small price to pay to get rid of this evil!” Helga evilly says: “You stay out of this matter! It does not concern you! So, what's it going to be, Squidward?!” A brave voice, says: “This!” A tortoise shell is thrown at the Hall of Mirrors, and it begins smashing every mirror, until it hits the real Helga, knocking her down! Greg laughs, and he says: “Payback sucks, don't it?!” Squidward asks: “Greg?! You're alive?! How did you...?” Greg, in the shadows, concludes: “Escape?! You don't get to be a 70 year old professor teaching for about 40 long years without learning a few crucial skills, like learning how to wiggle out of tightly bound ropes and picking a broom closet door when locked on the inside!” Squilivia asks: “Just one question, Mr. Shell, where did you get that spare tortoise shell?” Greg Shell walks into the light, showing he's completely shell-less and naked! Greg asks: “What spare shell?” Helga says: “Hey! Put some clothes on!” Greg says: “I would, but they're currently on my shell at the moment!” Plankton gets infuriated, and bellows: “What is taking you so long?!” Squidward asks: “Plankton?!” Squilivia asks: “Who is Plankton?” Greg seriously says: “The last creature you want to meet, especially when you're shell-less and naked!” Plankton swoops down, only now, he is equipped with a walking, anthropomorphic computer! Plankton says: “Did you really think I would be alone, this time?! Meet my new partner/wife, Karen!” Karen comes online, and she says: “The pleasure is all mine, I'm sure!” Plankton says: “She may just be a pile of circuits to you, but she is everything to me, baby!”

Squidward asks: “What's wrong with you?! Why are you doing this?!” Plankton incredulously asks: “Why? Why?! I'll tell you Why! I wanted to steal the Krabby Patty Formula but no! None of you would ever let me! So then I wanted to destroy you and your pathetic friends, but you always defeated me! Well this time, I hold all the cards! I call all the shots! I'm going to destroy all the students and faculty by boiling them alive in wax!” Helga incredulously says: “I specifically said that I only wanted the students and faculty out of the way and not able to make any more messes! Killing students and faculty was never part of our deal!” Plankton creepily says: “I'm altering the deal, and since you seem to have so much of a problem with that; I'll start by altering you!” Plankton pushes a button on Karen, and hot, boiling wax pours down on Helga, trapping her! All Helga can do is helplessly scream: “No! NO! NO!” Her voice gets muffled as she becomes a Living Wax Statue! Plankton chuckles evilly, and he says: “Now, the rest of you will get yours--!” (Splat!) Spongebob is shown to be stomping Plankton into goo! Squidward asks: “Spongebob?! How did you get loose?!” Squilivia blushes, and she says: “I might have loosened the ropes binding Spongebob when you weren't looking. It seemed like a good idea at the time!” Greg asks: “My boy! How did you ever stop such an evil menace?!” Spongebob rolls his eyes, and he says: “Plankton is like, only four inches tall! It's not that hard to step on him and end his evil ways!” Karen electronically cries, and she says: “My poor, sweet, Plankton! I have nothing left to live for!” Karen glows redwith anger, and she says: “You foolish, mortal beings! I'm taking you with me now!” Karen starts short-circuiting like crazy! Greg nervously says: “Karen is over-loading! We must leave now!" Not stopping to look back to check for anything, Spongebob, Patrick, Squidward, Squilivia, and Greg make a mad dash out of the college as it explodes from Karen's angry malfunction! Greg cries, and he says: “Our college, our beautiful college!”

Squidward cries, and he says: “Not to mention, all our friends who were blown up by Karen's explosion.” Greg smiles, and he says: “Or were they?!” And Greg points to a burned out door, leading underground the remains of the school! Squilivia opens it, as Ray Sting, Peterpus, Eellen Rogers, Daphne, and all the other students and faculty come pouring out! Patrick asks: “But how did you...?” Greg asks: “Well, why do you think it took me so long to get to the auditorium? I had to find where Helga stuffed all the staff and students, and get them to someplace safe until this whole ugly mess blew over! It seemed like a good idea at the time!” Ray says: “Man! I didn't get to play a smashing solo tonight!” Peterpus says: “I didn't get to show off my athletic skills!” Eellen says: “I didn't get a chance to be pretty!” Daphne says: “And I didn't get a chance to show off my brain!” Spongebob says: “The important thing is that everyone is okay! Well, everyone except Plankton, Karen, and Helga! Greg points to himself, and he says: “And my shell! It got destroyed in the explosion! How am I supposed to educate students without a shell?!” Squidward sighs and says: “Greg, you don't need a shell to be a great teacher.” Greg asks: “I don't?” Squilivia says: “Of course not. You helped save our lives tonight. And for that, we are eternally grateful.” Greg beams with pride, and he chuckles and says: “I guess you're right! Hey guys! Who wants to help rebuild the college?!” Ray, Eellen, Patrick, and all the other background students and faculty run away! Daphne says: “You'll need my brain to re-build this college.” Peterpus says: “And my muscles to help put it together.” Spongebob says: “And the rest of us will do whatever we can to help re-build it.” Squidward sighs and he says: “Agreed! Spongebob, this isn't easy for me to say; but you did technically help to save our lives tonight. So, you're not a total waste of space after all!” Spongebob rolls his eyes, and says: “I guess that's the closest to a compliment/apology that you're ever going to give me; I'll take it!” Greg laughs, and he says: “Somehow, I figured you would!” /

The scene shifts back to Vampire-dressed Squidward, on his purple couch! Squidward laughs, and he says: “MWA, HA, HA, HA! Pretty scary story, wasn't it?! And if that wasn't enough, I've got another one that's even scarier than that! This next story, is one that I like a lot, but not as much as the first story, nor one that I like as much as the last story, which is why I'm sandwiching it in the middle. In other words, it's okay for what it is.” /

Story II: “North by North 'Weest'!”

Spoiler

It's an average, sunny day in Bikini Bottom, and Patrick is just frolicking around, enjoying life as usual! But; a green fish wearing a black hat, and holding a brown briefcase, suddenly starts twitching! He morphs into a big, blue, old, creepy fish, called a Coelaceanth. He laughs with an evil voice! The evil fish turns to the audience, and he says: “Special Guest Star; Ted Levine, reporting for duty as Master Coelaceanth! I am the big, creepy, evil creature for this segment special, and I'm going to kill that stupid Patrick, just because I feel like it! Don't even think about trying to warn him, or you're next! And I'll do it, too!" Master Coelaceanth looks at Patrick, and he creepily says: “You!" Patrick asks: “Who, me?!” Master Coelaceanth evilly says: “Yeah, you! If you value your completely pathetic life at all, you will get out of town! Dump your equally stupid and useless Spongebob and never talk to him ever again, help me conquer all of these pathetic, weak, sea creatures, and maybe I'll let you live!” Patrick nervously asks: “But why do you want me to do this for you?!” Master Coelaceanth flashes a killer smile, and he evilly says: “Because, I see potential in you, dear boy! Potential that comes from untapped strength! And a virtually unbreakable body! Sea Stars such as yourself have an amazing capacity to bounce back from practically anything that gets thrown at them! Skills like that are precisely what I'm looking for in conquering all the seven seas!” Patrick asks: “But why do you want to do this?!” Master Coelaceanth chuckles evilly, and he says: “A better question would be: why wouldn't I?! Life underwater is far too peaceful and boring for my high expectations of what life underwater should be like! It should be filled with pathetic fishes yelling and screaming their heads off; blood and carnage everywhere! I love the smell of rotting fish in the morning!”

Patrick shudders and asks: “How can you think like that?!” Master Coelaceanth laughs evilly, he flashes a creepy smile, and he says: “Because I'm a completely sadistic psychopath, that's how! And you want to know what rotting fish smell like? They smell like victory! I can't wait until I conquer all of the ocean!” Patrick defiantly says: “I wouldn't let you! I'll stop you!” Master Coelaceanth scoffs, and he says: “And you think that you can actually stop me?! Do you know how many nameless grunts I've hired through my illustrious skills?! I break open about 40 skulls for breakfast and think nothing of it! And you wouldn't dare try to stop me once I get a hold of some hostages, such as your pathetic friends to make sure you cooperate! Patrick gasps in horror, and he says: “You plan on killing all of us anyways, once I do what you want, don't you?!” Master Coelaceanth gasps, and he says: “Pretty clever, my very simple-minded 'friend!' You're not as stupid as you look!” Patrick defiantly says: “We're going to team up together and find a way to stop you!” Patrick rushes off, and Master Coelaceanth creepily says: “You can run, but there is nowhere to hide! I'll find you wherever you run! And when I do find you and your pathetic friends, I'm going to make sure that I kill all of them...nice, slowly, miserably, and very, very painfully!"

Patrick runs, and he finds Spongebob! Patrick says: “Spongebob, come quick! You've got to help! It's terrible! There is this big creepy fish, and he's all old and gross--!” Spongebob asks: “Patrick, what are you talking about?” Patrick pants, and he says: “There is this really evil fish; calls himself Master Coelaceanth, says he wants to take over the ocean!” Spongebob yells: “NO!” Patrick says: “YES! And he wants to kill all of my friends!” Spongebob asks: “WHY?!” Patrick says: “He's crazy and deranged, that's why!” Spongebob says: “We've got to warn the others before something bad happens!” A yellow sea plane appears in the distance, and Patrick says: “Master Coelaceanth already wants to kill us! What else could happen?!” Spongebob asks: “What could happen?!” And the sea plane starts flying towards them, and Spongebob shouts: “That could happen!!!!” The pilot is revealed to be...General Barracuda! General Barracuda says: “Mr. T getting into the action! Fight, fight, fight! Kill, kill, kill!” And Spongebob and Patrick duck and narrowly avoid the plane trying to buzz them! Patrick says: “That was a close one!” Spongebob says: “He's coming back around!” General Barracuda says: “You can't avoid me forever you fools!” Spongebob nervously says: “Run for it!”

Spongebob and Patrick begin running for their lives, as they run past Larry, who asks: “Hey you guys, what's the rush ?!” General Barracuda shouts: “Hold still and let me kill you fools!” The plane swerves to avoid Larry, but the propeller accidentally cuts off Larry's shorts, making him naked! Larry gets mad, and he says: “Those were my favorites shorts! That tears it!” General Barracuda lines up Spongebob and Patrick in his sniper scope, and he says: “You two are mine, this time!” But General Barracuda's plane stalls, because Larry is holding it! Larry angrily says: “You owe me a new pair of shorts!" Larry throws the plane around, and flings it far into the distance, towards the Chum Bucket! Plankton walks out, and he says: “Karen, I have a feeling that today will be the day I finally get the Krabby Patty secret formula!” Karen says: “That's nice! (Whistling sound!) What's that sound?” Plankton looks up, seeing the oncoming plane, and he sourly says: “Oh, tartar sauce!” (Boom!) Plankton, Karen, and the Chum Bucket are reduced to cinders, while General Barracuda floats down in a parachute! General Barracuda says: “I'll be back for next years Halloween special, Squidward” Squidward walks out of his house, confused, and says: “I'm not even supposed to be in this middle segment!” Squilivia walks out, and says: “You are now!” Squidward asks: “Squilivia? What are you doing in this segment?!” Squilivia says: “Oh, they gave me money to say a few extra lines, and they didn't want to waste it. I'm basically just here to fill my quota.” Squidward says: “Good to know, Squilivia.” And Squidward closes the door! Spongebob says: “Larry! Thank you for helping us stay safe from that guy! Sorry it cost you your shorts!” Larry says: “I need to go home and get some new ones!”

Patrick nervously says: “There's no time for that! We got to get away from Master Coelaceanth!” Larry asks: “But where?!” Spongebob literally gets a light bulb over his head, and he says: “Let's go to Sandy's! If we wear water helmets, we'll be safe, and Master Coelaceanth won't be able to touch us!” Patrick says: “That's a good plan!” Larry says: “Let's go!” / Spongebob knocks on the tree-dome, and he says: “Sandy, please let us in!” Over the intercom, Sandy asks: “Why is Larry naked?” Patrick says: “There's no time to explain that! Please let us in before we're fish food!” Larry nervously says: “Maybe not the best choice of words!” Sandy sighs and says: “Fine! Just put on your water helmets and be quick about it!” They do so, and they enter the Tree Dome, Sandy walks out of her tree, dressed in her underwater suit without her air helmet. Sandy says: “Well then, what seems to be the trouble?” Spongebob says: “Patrick, you better be the one to explain it.” Patrick says: “Right! There is this big, evil, old, creepy blue fish guy named Master Coelaceanth!” Sandy gasps, and she says: “You mean named after the species of coelaceanth fish that have remained largely unchanged for 70 million years?! They were thought to be extinct, but it turns out that they're alive and well?!”

Larry says: “That sounds about right!” Sandy says: “Hmmm; this Master Coelaceanth seems to be a particularly nasty fellow! It sounds like he won't stop unless he's destroyed!” Spongebob says: “That's why we've come to see you! Is there a way to destroy him?!” Sandy says: “There's a way to destroy practically anything, as long as you put your mind to it!” Patrick says: “Well, don't keep up in suspense, what is it?!” A ghostly pirate ship appears in the distance, and Sandy says: “Well the first thing we need to do is...” (Ghostly groan sound) Sandy yells: “Duck and cover!” The Flying Dutchman's Ghost Ship crashes into the Tree Dome, bringing the water into it, barely giving Sandy enough time to put on her air helmet! The Flying Dutchman cackles, and he says: “MWA, HA, HA! Try to stop me, you're destined to fail! Master Coelaceanth has hired me to finish you guys OFF; and you can't killoff a ghost!” Sandy says: “No, but I do have an invention that I have invented to deal with ghosts such as yourself!” The Flying Dutchman laughs, and he says: “MWA, HA, HA! What are you going to do; vacuum me up?! I'll just phase right out of the bag!” Sandy says: “Actually, I had something else in mind! Sorry about this, Spongebob!!!!” And Sandy sticks a vacuum into Spongebob's head, turns on the vacuum, and sucks the Flying Dutchman into Spongebob's mind!

The Flying Dutchman groans, and he says: “Oooh, where am I?” He looks around, and he sees a landscape filled with fluffy cute bunnies, kitties, puppies, cotton candy, gumdrops, and rainbows! The Flying Dutchman says: “Too...much...cuteness!! It's...overwhelming me! Make it stop, make it stop! I can't take it anymore! AAAHHH!” Spongebob's mind literally makes the Flying Dutchman's spirit explode, evaporating into nothingness! Sandy pulls the vacuum out of Spongebob's head, and she laughs and says: “There's nothing more dangerous to the minds of evil than the power of Spongebob's mind!” Spongebob says: “That's great and all, but I don't think that trick is going to work on Master Coelaceanth!” Larry says: “And I'm still naked!” Patrick says: “It's not always about you, Larry!” Sandy says: “We can't stay here! Master Coelaceanth will come after us again!” Spongebob says: “Well, we tried hiding in...what's left of your Tree-dome, and that sure didn't stop Master Coelaceanth from finding a way to come after us!” Sandy says: “I'm afraid there's only one thing to do; I will have to take you up onto dry land! It's the only safe place away from him! So, let's get moving!” Patrick asks: “What will we do for water, food, and shelter?!” Sandy says: “Fortunately, I always keep a fresh supply of Krabby Patties and water helmets handy for emergencies. And don't worry about shelter, from all my years on dry land, I know where the best places to hide are! And I've got plenty of money to pay for it!” Larry asks: “And do you happen to have money, and know of a place to buy me some clothes?!” Sandy sighs, and says: “If we have time for it, Larry! Now come on, before Master Coelaceanth attacks again!” / The scene wipes, and changes to the landscape of Mount Rushmore! Spongebob asks: “You took us all the way here?!” Sandy says: “Well, it was the most remote, out of the way place I could think of! And one place that Master Coelaceanth will never be able to get to!!!!”

(Zap!) A furious stream of lightning hits Spongebob and Sandy, burning off Larry's new pair of shorts! Larry says: “NO! Sandy just bought those, you jerk!” Master Coelaceanth creeps into view out of the shadows of the woods! Master Coelaceanth grabsS Larry by the throat, and the fish creepily asks: “What did you call me?!” Larry meekly says: “I called you a muscular, strong, virile, young, really nice guy?!” Master Coelaceanth says: “You're a terrible liar when you're begging for your life! I love seeing such pathetic displays of cowardice! I think I'll kill you last! It just goes to show you that if you want a dirty deed, done dirt cheap; you've got to do it yourself!” Sandy angrily says: “Your hired help couldn't stop us; you can't stop us, neither!” Master Coelaceanth throws Larry away, and grabs Sandy by the throat, and Master Coelaceanth says: “That's why this time, I'm taking a hostage! Larry! Tell Spongebob and Patrick when they wake up, they can meet me at the top of Mount Rushmore to try to save Sandy, if they're brave enough!” Master Coelaceanth takes great leaps up to the top of Mount Rushmore! Larry rushes to Spongebob and Patrick, and shakes them awake! Larry says: “Guys, wake up! You got to wake up!” Patrick asks: “What happened? And why are you naked again?!” Larry says: “No time to explain that! Master Coelaceanth kidnapped Sandy! He took her to the top of Mount Rushmore!” Spongebob says: “How can we stop him without the brains of Sandy?!” Patrick says: “Well, we've got to try! We can't just let Master Coelaceanth get away with this! The entire ocean is depending on us!” Larry says: “Agreed! We'll worry about getting me some new, new clothes later!” /

On top of Mount Rushmore, Master Coelaceanth says: “Tell me, Sandy. What are the best ways to cook up sea food? Should I grill them? Boil them? Stuff them? Broil them? Sautee them? Roast them? Barbecue them? Or maybe I should blacken them in a spicy gumbo stew?!!” Sandy defiantly says: “You'll never get away with this, you twisted fiend!” Master Coelaceanth scoffs, and says: “I've heard that one before!” (Kong!) Master Coelaceanth falls down to the ground, and Sandy asks: “What was that?!” Patrick pants, and he says: “A sharp rock! A blow to his power temple should take him out!” But Master Coelaceanth gets back up, and he laughs evilly! Master Coelaceanth says: “MWA, HA, HA, HA! Did you really think it would be that easy to defeat me?!!” Patrick says: “For a second, yeah. I thought it would be!” Master Coelaceanth angrily says: “You've been defying my will for too long, Patrick! Now I'm not sure if I want to finish you quickly, or do it painfully slow! Either way, tonight I dine on lobster soup!”

Spongebob yells, and he says: “Why don't you pick on someone your own size, Master Freak?!!” Sandy asks: “Spongebob, what are you doing?!” Spongebob says: “Master 'Elephant,' you can't hit me; you can't hit the broad side of a barn! Survey says; 'What is your best shot'?!” Master Coelaceanth angrily says: “You're going to wish you never doubted me, and that you were never born!” Master Coelaceanth shoots lightning at Spongebob, but Spongebob contorts his sponge body into such a way, that the lightning passes right through the holes in his body, and hits the trees in the forest below! Master Coelaceanth angrily says: “You little brat, you made me miss! I'm going to enjoy destroying you!"Larry punches Master Coelaceanth in the face! Larry angrily says: “You enjoy picking on those smaller than yourself?! Why don't you try picking on someone bigger than you for a change?!” Master Coelaceanth angrily says: “You think you can beat the master of all the oceans?! You are nothing more than a slimy, insignificant, underwater sea cockroach to me, you stupid invertebrate! If I'm something that can be stopped, than just try to stop me!” Larry and Master Coelaceanth get into a massive, epic, no-holds barred fist fight; trading blows and punches, trying to knock the other one out! But neither of them seem to be gaining an inch! Patrick says: “I don't mean to alarm anybody, but the forest fire is starting to surround us!” Larry's eyes light up, and he says: “The fire!” Master Coelaceanth creepily says: “Are you ready to meet your maker? Because you are all going to die!” Larry says: “Not yet, we're not!”Larry knees Master Coelaceanth in the kiwis, hoists him over his, head, and throws him into the forest fire!

Master Coelaceanth cries: “NOOO!” His body is consumed by the massive forest fire! Larry says: “He's gone! The bad, old, mean, old, fish is gone!” Patrick nervously says: “But we're going to be gone too, unless something happens to the forest fire!” Spongebob says: “That's why it's time for me to go to work! Sandy, karate chop me!” Sandy says: “Hi-YA!” And as Sandy karate chops Spongebob, all the water that Spongebob has inside of him, pours out and extinguishes all of the burning flames! Spongebob pulls himself together, and Sandy says: “Thank you for saving me! Larry, I can't believe you beat Master Coelaceanth all by yourself!” Larry somehow blushes, and he says: “Well, I can't take all the credit; it was Patrick's idea of reminding me of the fire, that inspired me to finish Master Coelaceanth in the flames!” Patrick says: “And here I thought that geniuses only lived in a lamp! Spongebob says: “No, Patrick! Sometimes, they live under a rock!” Larry beams, and he says: “And I beat Master Coelaceanth, without any clothes on! If that doesn't make me Salty Spittoon material, I don't know what will!” Sandy, Spongebob, and Patrick laugh, and they simultaneously say: “Oh, Larry!” /

The camera shows the Vampire-dressed Squidward still in his purple chair, and Squidward says: “A pretty great adventure, wasn't it?! Now it's time for the final story of the evening! I was just thinking about Squilliam Fancyson, running a ramshackle, abandoned old hotel by himself. In walks in a lovely young female girl with problems of his own. But Squilliam has his over-bearing mother to think about, and she doesn't like strangers intruding on the Bates Motel! Can't you just imagine Squilliam Fancyson dressing up like his mother and stabbing innocent women in a shower?! Ha, Ha, HA! Anyways, here's the real final story of the evening, which is coincidentally, another Alfred Hitchcock inspired story. Enjoy!” /

Story III: “The Clams!”

Spoiler

It is a bright, shining day at the Krusty Krab, and Mr. Krabs is busy getting his restaurant ready for another busy day of customer service, and he's humming and singing to himself! Mr. Krabs sings: “Money, money, going to make some money! Money, money, this, money, money, that! Profits will make me wallet fat!” And he stops when he hears some clams chirping. Mr. Krabs sighs, and says: “Ah; what sweet sounds that clams make in the early morning. It reminds me of money! Good morning, clams!” And the chirping gets progressively louder, as more and more clams come surrounding the Krusty Krab! Mr. Krabs says: “Look, if you've come here looking for a hand-out, you can forget it! No paying? No eating!” And the clams look menacingly at Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs chuckles nervously, and he asks: “Why are you looking me like that?! Come on! Let's not do anything hasty!” The clams chirp, and Mr. Krabs yells for help, as a big, giant, dust cloud forms, obscuring a violent struggle! /

The scene changes to show Spongebob and Sandy walking out of the Reef Theater, where the marquee reads “Alfred Hitchcock” double-feature: “Rear Window,” and “Vertigo.” Spongebob says: “Wow! Those were a couple of scary movies that you took me to see, Sandy!” Sandy says: “That was nothing! Confidentially speaking, Alfred Hitchcock's movies are somewhat ta,e to the scary movies that have come out in the 21st century! Alfred Hitchcock, was quite simply, a product of his time. He didn't know how to make movies any scarier! Besides, I don't think the other theater goes would like to hear you crying more often than you did during the two movies we did see!” Spongebob incredulously says: “Me?! A crier! That is downright absurd! I'll have you know that I had my eyes open the entire time those two movies played, and I only cried for twenty minutes!” Sandy says: “Even so, it can get a bit annoying!” Spongebob asks: “Why do you think I spend so much time with you?! I hope that by you giving me some helpful exposure to the more scary stuff, I'll gradually build up an immunity to the really scary stuff; and that way I won't be so afraid anymore!” Sandy's eyes light up, and she says: “That's actually a pretty good idea, Spongebob!” Spongebob says: “I have my moments!” Sandy gasps in shock, and she asks: “What happened to the Krusty Krab?!” And they look at what is a now-ruined Krusty Krab, and they see bite Marks and clam guano all over it! The two of them run inside, to see a whimpering, naked Mr. Krabs!

Spongebob says: “Mr. Krabs! You're alive! And...naked!” Sandy asks: “Why has every single story this evening involved someone getting naked?!” Spongebob simply answers: “Naked people are funny! Ha, HA!” Mr. Krabs says: “It was awful! Just awful! It was an ambush of clams! They swarmed the place! I couldn't stop them! I'm lucky to be alive!” Sandy asks: “Why would clams want to attack a restaurant? Or any place, for that matter?!” Mr. Krabs says: “I don't know! I've never actively hunted any clams in my life; I've never harmed one of them or said any insulting things about their mothers; so I don't know what could be going on!” Spongebob gets a determined look, and he says: “Well nobody trashes the Krusty Krab! Not as long as I'm around! Mr. Krabs, with Neptune as my witness, Sandy and I will investigate why clams have attacked this restaurant, and stop it from everhappening again!” Sandy asks: “We will?” Spongebob says: “Sure we will! I even know of the perfect guy who can help us! Let's go, Sandy!” And they rush out of the ruined Krusty Krab, and Mr. Krabs awkwardly says: “Okay. Just leave me here, I guess I'll rebuild the Krusty Krab myself, completely naked, with no one else around!” / As Sandy and Spongebob are walking, Sandy asks: “Spongebob, who is this guy that you know of?” Spongebob slyly says: “You'll see! /

Spongebob knocks on Squidward's door, and he says: “Squidward! Squidward!” Squidward comes out, and he asks: “Why have you come here?!” Spongebob says: “To enlist your help in figuring out the mystery of the mysterious clam attacks! We could really use your help!” Squidward angrily says: “I'm not going to help! My contract strictly stipulates that I do not have to be the main character, in any more than just one of these Stories of Screams, if I don't want to! Your people had a lengthy talk with my people, and they said...!” Sandy sighs, and says: “All right, okay, we'll get someone else to be our helpful investigator friend!” And Squidward sticks out his tongue to Spongebob in defiance, and Squidward closes his door! Spongebob sighs, and says: “All right, time for Plan B.” Sandy asks: “What is Plan B?” Spongebob says: “We're going to the Shell Shack, to see another friend of mine.” Sandy asks: “Who is that?” Spongebob says: “A talking dog. He's a really great artist, he can write, and, he's singing!” /

And at the Shell Shack, a familiar gray canine, wearing a green superhero costume, is singing his heart out, by singing a familiar tune of The Beatles. Captain Retro sings: “Blackbird singing in the dead of night. Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, you were only waiting for the moment to arise. You were only waiting for this moment to arise. Blackbird singing in the dead of night. Take these sunken eyes, and learn to see. All your life, you were only waiting for the moment to be free. You were only waiting for this moment to be free. Black bird fly, black bird fly. Into the light of the dark, black night! Black bird fly, black bird fly. Into the light of the dark, black night! Blackbird singing in the dead of night. Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise. You were only waiting for this moment to arise. You were only waiting for this moment to arise!” /

He finishes, and thunderous applause is heard! Nat Patterson says: “I have no idea what a blackbird is; but he sings with such passion and conviction, you can't help but applaud!” Captain Retro says: “Thank you! I'll be here all week, 12 to 4 P.M.! Except on Federal Holidays where as noted!” Spongebob walks in, and he says: “Captain Retro, you're here!” Captain Retro embraces Spongebob in a hug, and he says: “Spongebob, my old friend! It's so good to see you again! Do you remember the last time we met?!” Spongebob weakly says: “Of course I do! I've still got bruise marks from the last time you hugged me!” Captain Retro blushes, and releases his grip! Captain Retro than sheepishly says: “Sorry, Spongebob! I honestly don't know my own strength, sometimes!” Sandy says: “Hey! Aren't you from up on the surface?” Captain Retro says: “Originally, yes.” Sandy asks: “Then how can you be down here without an air helmet or a pressure suit?” Captain Retro says: “Well, A. I am a superhero, so the water pressure doesn't bother me. And B. I was given a special capsule by my bureaucratic supervisors up on the surface world, so I can breathe no matter what environment I'm in! Anyways, it seems to do the job pretty well!” Sandy says: “I want one of those capsules!” Captain Retro asks: “What kind of help, do you need? Spongebob says: “Professional help! We need to figure out why clams have attacked the Krusty Krab!”

Captain Retro says: “I'm sure it was just a fluke of some kind. Besides, one restaurant does not a trend, make!” Sandy says: “Excuse me, but you're a professional singer/artist/superhero/occasional actor; who is working at a restaurant called the Shell Shack?” Captain Retro asks: “Is there a point you're trying to make?” Bubble Bass runs in, and he shouts: “Run and hide for your lives; there is a swarm of clams coming!” Captain Retro asks: “Really?!” Captain Retro flies outside, and he sees a whole army of clams on the way! Captain Retro says: “This might be more serious than I thought! But they're not getting at this restaurant! Kamehameha!” And Captain Retro purposely fires the powerful energy wave close to, but not hitting any of the clams, and it frightens them away from attacking, and they fly towards the Chum Bucket instead!

Inside the Chum Bucket, Plankton says: “Karen, I have the strangest feeling that today, someone is finally going to come in here to eat!” Karen asks: “And who would that be, Plankton?!” A bunch of clams burst in, and start tearing up the place! Karen asks: “Who let these wild animals in?” Plankton says: “Look at their destructive power! I shall harness their energy and rule the world! HA, HA, HA!” The clams start attacking Plankton! Plankton says: “STOP! I wish to rule you!” He gets pecked and eaten to death! Karen says: “It's a good thing I'm made of metal and can't be eaten by clams!” The clams swarm over Karen, and they peck her into broken down pieces! Karen weakly says: “Of course, it would've helped if the clams had known that!” And what remains of Karen blows up into nothingness! The clams fly away, and Sandy asks: “Now do you believe us, Captain Retro?” Captain Retro says: “I see that you do have a point! Very well, I will help you investigate!” Spongebob asks: “Where should we start?” Captain Retro says: “First off, I need to see if these attacks are happening because of something natural, or something artificial. Clams are normally peaceful creatures! They wouldn't attack restaurants for nothing! Therefore, we must capture one, and study it to find out what's going on!” Sandy asks: “And how are you going to capture one, exactly?!” Captain Retro says: “We'd need the right kind of bait!” Gary comes in, meows, and Spongebob asks: “Well, where are you going to find bait in the middle of the o...?” Sandy and Captain Retro both look at Gary! Spongebob nervously looks at Gary, and Spongebob nervously asks: “Guys, have you lost your minds?!” The two mammals grab Gary who cries: “MEOW!” /

The scene changes to Jellyfish Fields, and Spongebob cries: “They've lost their minds! Anyone but Gary!” Sandy says: “Spongebob, we need Gary to lure a clam into a trap, so we can capture and study it!” Captain Retro says: “We're not going to let Gary get hurt, Spongebob! We know what we're doing!” Spongebob groans, and he says: “I wish I currently had the same sense of optimism about this that you two, do!” Sandy says: “There's one, with a five o'clock shadow!” Captain Retro says: “And it's only 4:44 P.M.! But I kid!” And Captain Retro rings a bell, to draw the clam's attention! Sandy hollers and says: “Nice, fat, snail! Come and get it!” And the clam begins to swoop down towards Gary! Spongebob puts his hands over his eyes, and he says: “I can't watch! I can't watch! Does anyone know where I can get a new snail for sale? I can't watch!” They wait and anticipate, and Captain Retro yells: “Sandy, now!” And Sandy yanks Gary away, and the clam winds up in a crab trap! Sandy says: “We did it! We caught a clam!” And Gary meows weakly, and Spongebob opens his eyes, and grabs Gary tight! Spongebob sighs, and says: “Thank Neptune for that!" Captain Retro says: “Now we just got to figure out what makes this clam, tick; whatever that means!” / Captain Retro, Spongebob, and Sandy are back in Sandy's tree-dome. Spongebob asks: “Wait a minute; wasn't this place destroyed in the previous story segment?” Captain Retro says: “We're following a non-continuity rule for these, and all future Halloween special segments! Stuff that happens in these stories have absolutely no bearing on what happens in the general story-line of this series...unless it happens to be really funny! That's how Plankton and Karen were able to die three times in this episode!” Sandy says: “Well, that's handy to know!” Spongebob says: “All right, Sandy! Do your thing!” And Sandy gets out a bunch of microscopes, scientific chemicals, and other professional equipment to examine the clam!

Captain Retro asks: “Well Sandy, what have you found out?!” Sandy gasps in shock, and she says: “Dear, Neptune! I am just stunned by what I have found! The clams appear to be acting aggressive, because a certain type of food has been force-fed to them! This food is what is making them act aggressive, and attacking other restaurants! This food is tricking the brains of the clams into thinking that they need to constantly eat!” Spongebob asks: “Well, what food is being fed to them?! It's not Krabby Patties, is it?!” Sandy says: “No, and it's not Chum, neither! But I think that you've had a familiar experience with this food, all the same!” Spongebob asks: “Why is that?” Sandy asks: “Does the name Carl Blandy ring any bells to you?!” Captain Retro says: “The rich, international, billionaire owner of restaurants?! I've heard of him!” Spongebob says: “He tried to take over the Krusty Krab one time! Renamed it Krabby O'Mondays! And tried to replace the successful Krabby Patty formula with bland, lifeless, filler food. It...didn't end well for those guys!” Captain Retro solemnly says: “There can only be one reason for these guys doing this; they are not happy that their plan to take over the Krusty Krab didn't work out for them, so they decided to get their revenge, by using clams to attack and weed out the competition! That's why they started with the Krusty Krab!” Sandy angrily says: “Those guys are monsters! How dare they use innocent little clams in such an evil scheme!!!!” Spongebob says: “We've got to stop those guys!” Captain Retro boldly says: “To the Retro-Mobile!” Sandy says: “Captain Retro, you don't have a Retro-Mobile!” Captain Retro awkwardly says: “Then to the Cruddy Public Bus System and Stuff...Mobile!” Sandy says: “Captain Retro, not all Public Bus Systems are cruddy!” Captain Retro says: “No, but Bikini Bottom's is! Especially that one bus driver who drives the route to Rock Bottom and back! After I found out the way he willingly disrespected Spongebob's desire to get back home, I've been petitioning the Bikini Bottom city council for years to have his license revoked!” Sandy says: “Spongebob, someday, remind me to give you some private driving lessons! Maybe then, you'll learn how to drive!” Spongebob says: “Thank you, Sandy!” Captain Retro says: “It's time to go! To the Industrial Park, we go!” /

The scene changes to night-time, and an invisible Boat-Mobile is seen taking Spongebob, Captain Retro, and Sandy, to the outside of a large factory! Captain Retro says: “Thanks for the lift, Barnacle Boy!” Barnacle Boy says: “No problem, fellow superhero! Glad you were able to get me a solo guest spot on a show!” Captain Retro says: “Anything for one of my fellow superheroes!” Barnacle Boy sighs, and says: “I'd go in with you, but they won't pay me more than minimum scale, which is why they won't allow me to say more than three lines in this thing!” Sandy says: “Don't worry, we can handle ourselves!” Spongebob seriously says: “Carl Blandy, prepare to find out the consequences of your actions!” Spongebob, Sandy, and Captain Retro enter the factory, but it seems to be strangely quiet and deserted. Sandy suspiciously says: “Something doesn't feel right here!” Captain Retro says: “I've got a bad feeling about this!”

The ceiling starts to drop on them, but Captain Retro holds it up! Captain Retro strains, and he says: “Find us a way out!” Sandy quickly feels around, and she says: “This stone is loose!” She moves it, and Sandy, Spongebob, and Captain Retro manage to quickly escape the collapsing room, and find their passageway filled with three different options. The door directly in front of them is a barred, metal door. Spongebob says: “How should we do this? Eeny, meeny, miney, mo? Or is it eeny, miney, meeny, mo? Brain, this is no time to be messing with me!” A vicious, giant sea bear bursts out of the metal door! Spongebob sighs and says: “Sea Bear. Why did it have to be a Sea Bear?!” Sandy yells: “RUN!” They run to the passage on the right, but there is a gap in the path! Sandy is able to leap it easily, while Captain Retro merely flies across! Spongebob tries to leap, but he slips on the edge! But Sandy grabs him, and pulls him across just in time! Captain Retro says: “No sea bear is going to eat my friends! Kamehameha!” Captain Retro fires his energy beam at the Sea Bear, and destroys it entirely! Than the three of them hear an ominous clapping! A mysterious voice says: “Good, very good! Your survival skills are top notch! It's a shame they are all for nought!” Spongebob suspiciously says: “I remember that voice!”

Carl Blandy steps out of the shadows, and he says: “You remember me! I'm flattered!” Sandy angrily says: “You're going to be flattened by the time I get through with you!” Carl Blandy says: “I'm afraid I can't allow that to happen! None of you are going to make it out of this factory, alive! You know too much, and must be eliminated!” Spongebob asks: “Come on! Can't we work something out?! I used to work for you! Briefly, but I still worked for you! How about a little mercy here?!” Carl asks: “Mercy? I think not! You and Mr. Krabs showed no mercy to me when you ruined Krabby O'Monday's and destroyed everything I worked so hard to achieve; so I think it's only fair to return the favor, and destroy every single restaurant that you and your friends seem to love and cherish so much! It's only fair! A restaurant, for a restaurant, to paraphrase an old saying!” Captain Retro says: “If you value your life, you will stop this! You are messing with the very forces of nature itself! You're tampering with the biology of the clams, and they don't like being messed with! Repent while you can, or you will not like the consequences!” Carl asks: “Are you threatening me?!” Captain Retro says: “I am not threatening, I'm merely stating a fact! If you turn yourself in now, I may be able to get you into a prison of your choice!”

Carl mockingly asks: “Turn myself into prison, or get rid of three pests in one fell swoop? Ding-ding-ding! Getting rid of pests wins hands down!” And Carl presses a button, and a column appears, and strange electric energy binds the three heroes to the column! Captain Retro says: “Hey! I can't move!” Carl says: “That is one million volt electricity surrounding you! You can't break it! You are trapped and totally helpless! Which leaves you very susceptible to getting eaten by my very loyal clams!” Carl pushes another button, and clams descend from everywhere, surrounding Carl, looking very menacing! Carl says: “Now, my loyal clams, devour those annoying pests!” But a clam knocks the remote out of Carl's hands, and it gets smashed into the ground! Carl asks: “Clams?! What have you done?!” The clams are now looking directly at Carl! Carl defiantly says: “You can't do this to me! I am your master! I created you! I own you! You cannot turn on me! NO!" The camera pans away from Carl, but the shadows that Carl and the clams cast, show the clams viciously tearing Carl apart, limb from limb! Captain Retro says: “Look away, and close your eyes!” They wait until all the screaming stops, and the clams all fly away! Sandy sighs and says: “What a terrible fate, for such a terrible man!” Captain Retro says: “Well, it's certainly laser-guided karma at work. Carl wanted the clams to eat up his competition, and they ended up eating him!"

Spongebob says: “We can definitely call that poetic justice in action! What a fitting end for such an unfit man!” Sandy asks: “Will the clams be all right?” Captain Retro says: “The substance in the food that the clams eat was only temporary. The clams will return to normal in time.” Spongebob says: “Well, all is well that ends well!” And the three of them share a good laugh! /

The camera opens up on Squidward sitting on his purple chair, and dressed as a vampire one last time. Squidward says: “Yes, all is well that ends well!” (Lightning strikes!) Squidward now has yellow, demonic eyes, and in Master Coelaceanth's voice says: “Or has it?!!! MWA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA! MWA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA! HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA! See you next Halloween!” /

Episode Notes: Celebrity guest appearances include Ted Levine as Master Coelaceanth, Mr. T as General Barracuda, and Tim Conway (or Burt Ward) as Barnacle Boy. First Halloween special, and the first non-canon episode, meaning that the events that took place during these stories do not reflect anything that can happen in actual continuity, with a few exceptions. It is revealed that Greg Shell is able to take off his shell anytime he wants to! Girly Teengirl, Squilliam, and Rock Bottom are mentioned in this episode. Second appearances of Squilivia and Plankton. Second appearance of Barnacle Boy (without Mermaid Man), first appearances of Master Coelaceanth, Karen, General Barracuda, Carl Blandy, and Captain Retro! It is revealed that Captain Retro was the talking dog at the Shell Shack, who was singing! Also, the first time that the Shell Shack itself has been seen! Featured song in this episode is “Blackbird,” sung by Captain Retro. Running gags in this episode include Plankton and Karen dying in every single segment, someone appearing naked in each segment, a random place getting destroyed in each segment, and the main antagonist of each story dying in their respective story! The stories are all parodies based on scary movies. In order, they are the 1953 version of “House of Wax", "North by Northwest,” and “The Birds.” Alfred Hitchcock's “Rear Window, Vertigo,” and “Psycho” are also referenced!

Personal Notes: When I was asked to guest-write a story for “Squid,” I was scared; I had my doubts! Than I thought, why not use this fear to my advantage?! That's how I came up with this Halloween treat idea! I thought that perhaps if “Squid” manages to become a long-runner series, this just might become an annual tradition! And once a year, someone (or a group of writers), can come up with three unique, short story ideas to celebrate Halloween! Being that this was the first one, I didn't want to set the bar too high, which is why every single one of my story ideas ended up with, a Happily Ever After Ending, with the exception of the non-canon deaths of the antagonists, of course! And being a non-canon episode, it also gave me a good excuse to break the Fourth Wall! / That's my Halloween Special! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it! Enough said, true believers!

Edited November 6, 2017 by jjsthekid

[Yoshi]

49a. DJ Squidward

One day, Squidward and friends notices a poster for the upcoming PMU dance, which needs a DJ. This request peeps Squidward’s interest, who decides to try out. His friends are confused, as Ray thinks Squidward isn’t exactly DJ material. Squidward disagrees, saying that the job is so simple even Patrick could do it. Plus, after attempting the piano before, he figures it's time to try something else new when it comes to the music field. He also wants to be the best DJ that ever lived...for a college campus, at least. Squidward goes to the WPMU room, and gets some DJ practice in. On the night of the dance, Squidward is ready, as he sees many students, along with his friends, enter. Squidward starts jamming out on the disc, and does pretty good. He gets the hang of it, and jams out some funky fresh beats to the students. His friends and students cheer him on. The next record Squidward plays is a Kelpy G song, which makes him realize his true calling is still clarinet playing. He lets the song finish, and quits his job, shocking his friends. Squidward says he enjoyed doing something different, but he still wants to aim for the clarinet. They continue to enjoy the dance all by themselves. As the night continues on, PMU gets Patrick to replace Squidward as DJ.

Notes: This episode is somewhat based on the old rumored “DJ Patrick” episode from SpongeBob.

Trivia: 

-Ryan Crawfish (from “Radio Ray”), Morty (from "Skippin'") and Melody (from "Instaclam Flexin'") make cameos.

-Squidward references how he played the piano in "The Grand Old Squid Of York".

-Sixth time Patrick appears.

-WPMU from "Radio Ray" reappears.

 

49b. Dumb and Dumber

One day, Kelpo Bikini evilly looks at the PMU campus from a bush, seeing Squidward and friends. He vows revenge on Squidward for ruining his career. Suddenly, Captain General is seen in the bush next to Kelpo, stalking Squidward and friends with his telescope. Kelpo tells Captain General to get his own bush, but Captain General replies that he wants revenge on those salty sea dogs for sabotaging his plan. Kelpo is surprised to hear he also dealt with them, and suggests the two of them team up. Captain General replies that's a great idea, saying Kelpo can be his first mate, who just uncaringly agrees. They prepare their plan to kidnap Squidward and his friends. The two wait for the gang to finish their classes...and wait...and wait. Finally, they see the gang come out of PMU, as they spring their trap. A cage falls down from a tree, but it completely misses them, trapping Professor Shell instead,  annoying him. Kelpo blames Captain General for ruining his plan, but Captain General blames him. The two proceed to have a slap fight. Kelpo has had enough of this, and tries to attack Squidward with his guitar, but gets tasered by a campus officer, who arrests the two. Squidward asks Kelpo Bikini how his self-absorbed view of punk is going for him, and how Captain General is doing without his lame attraction. Squidward, Peterpus, Ray, Eellen and Daphne laugh at them, as the two are taken into back of the police boat as it drives away. The two yell that they will get revenge when they get out of prison, but Squidward and friends don't really care, as they head to Kelpin' Donuts for coffee. 

Trivia:

-Captain General (from "Squiddy Yo Ho Ho") and Kelpo Bikini (from "Punk's Not Dead") both return.

-Kelpin' Donuts makes another cameo.

Edited November 6, 2017 by jjsthekid

[Sophlez]

pretty good for both of them

[Cha]

50a. A Ballsy New Student (Part 1)

One day while Squidward was mad chillin’ to a iShell album of the 7th Divsion Harsuame Space Pirate Trio Boyz® he realized it was the 50th special! He needed to do something quick and something that would attract readers other than the guest-writers and a few stray members. He gathered all his lesser important named characters and his friends and asked their opinions on what to make this special the best special of all. After much arguing over it, Eellen, Ray and the gang were flabbergasted and just finally blame Squidward for being a lousy main character (especially Ray said this). In anger and tears he walks away in the stereotypical sad raining scene. But then bumps into a new student, T. Eater who apologizes along with Squidward. Squidward and him go into the school library to talk for a bit because they had no where else to go. The conversation goes wonderful and they agreed to meet again sometime.

50b. A Ballsy New Student (Part 2)

T. Eater and Squidward spend so much time together after classes that Squidward has no time for his other friends. Making Peterpus, Daphne, Ray and Eellen start to slowly get ticked off at him for blowing them off constantly. One day during their casual chum friccasse lunch, T. Eater asks a favor of Squidward and of course the octopus man agrees to it, whatever it may be. He asks for... Squidward Tentacle’s testicles. As T. Eater reveals himself to be the one legendary balls eating fish from that one ancient ass fic, the Testicle Eater! He tries to munch on his testies but to his avail, can’t find them. Squidward runs away screaming, T. Eater coming to a realization that Squidward’s penis is his nose and plans for revenge. Squidward comes running up to his friends in a huff and puff, telling them to protect him but they disagree. Squidward apologizes for standing them up so much lately and explains the real nature of his new friend. Alarmed, they try to tell the principal but behold! As Testicle Eater already got to him and several male students! They are freaked out now, Ray and Peterpus not wanting to lose their balls in a carnvious style. Squidward tried hiding with them all over school but T. Eater then finds them, much to their horrified faces. He gets Peterpus but the others run away. Squidward realizes he can only do one thing to save New Kelp City. He got out severval Swedish Barnacle Balls and jammed them into blasters. If he couldn’t stop that ball muncher, maybe he and his friends could destroy him. Mr. Tentacles placed his 7th Divison Harsuame Space Pirate Trio Boyz® CD on side B and adjusted his cool shades while standing on the highest building in that college along with Eellen, Ray and Daphne. They called out to Testicle Eater, taunting him. Ray was snatched and his balls eaten alive. Now Squidward was the only male student with his golden pair still attached to his body. T. Eater who grew to a gigantic size after eating so much roared in his face. But he aimed the swedish barnacle balls blaster at T. Eater, prayed to Neptune and the editors of Interuptive Dance Monthly for the best and shot. Smoke and ash was around the scene, but as the dust settled the real winner had been visible. T. Eater swallowed down Squidward’s nose while Squidward stood their in utter shock. Daphne and Eeellen, now crying ran to his side but it was too late... 

“I’m sorry...” Squidward proclaimed. “Through out all this time I was trying be the perfect example of a new student. I thought if I studied hard enough all my dreams would come true. But now I realize meeting all of you were the real dreams come true...” He collasped as the girls held his idle body. The scene faded to black.

Squidward was then kicked in the head by all his buddies for making up this idea to have as the 50th special episode.

[MMM]

Well, here's my guest write.

51a. Treasure Hunters

One day, New Kelp City suffers a power outage, due to a very bad rainstorm. To pass the time, Squidward and his friends decide to play a board game, namely The Flying Dutchman's Treasure Hunt. Ray goes into another room to set up the game, claiming the room has more space. Squidward and the others then wait in the living room for a long time, until Ray has finished setting up everything. During the game, Ray gets incredibly lucky, pulling many of the best action cards, easily winning. However, everyone else believes that Ray cheated. Additionally, when Daphne is rummaging through the cards, she finds several with a slightly different shape and handwriting on them. Despite this, Ray still refuses to say that he cheated. 

For the rest of the day, there is tension between Ray and the others. Ray doesn't want to admit that he cheated, but the guilt is driving him nuts. He eventually admits to everyone that he shuffled the cards in a very specific order for his benefit, and even made some new ones. The group isn't happy with his actions, but recognizes his guilt and honesty. They also see that's it is just a game, and accept his apology.

Notes: The Flying Dutchman's Treasure Hunt was a game that previously appeared on SpongeBob.

Goofs: The stack of cards is accidentally colored yellow instead of green in several shots.

 

51b. The Time Machine

Daphne accidentally forgets to finish an important assignment, and her grade suffers because of it. To fix this, she goes to the smartest fish in the school, Steve Saunders, and asks him to build a time machine. Steve explains that he already has built a small one, which he secretly uses to feed his past self more knowledge. So, Daphne sets inside, and pushes the dial to one week before. When she gets to the past, she works on the assignment. However, the others come into the room, and question why there are now two Daphnes.

Future Daphne, sworn to secrecy by Steve, says that she's an identical twin coming to visit. Her friends find this very fishy, and Future Daphne walks away before they can question anymore. The assignment is eventually finished, but Daphne is still captivated by the time machine. She decides to visit two years before, a year in the future, five years before, three weeks into the future, and so on. The visits to different times are done in rapid succession, fast enough to rip up the time and space continuum and create a black hole.

With each time visit, the hole gets bigger, and soon, people and their possessions are getting thrown inside the hole. Daphne sees Squidward get sucked in, and soon the rest of PMU, and goes in after them. Inside, she finds the group, as well as many other strange looking organisms from on land. Everyone's bodies are stretching in weird ways, and Daphne desperately looks for the time machine. About an hour later, she finds Steve, who already knew what happened. He sheepishly explained that as was his first time machine, it wasn't perfect, but no one can hear that because they're in a black hole. The two spot the machine, and go swirling down to retrieve it.

Now below almost everyone in the hole, Daphne frantically sets the dial to four months later (when this all started) and disappears. Everyone else in the black hole begins to float down to the machine with their belongings, and after a long wait, everyone has gotten into the machine, and everything is reset. Back in present New Kelp City, everyone's memories were erased, rendering all of this pointless.

First Appearances: Steve Saunders, unnamed humans/fish

Notes: This episode was criticized by scientists for it's scientific inaccuracy.

Trivia:

There was a deleted scene of Daphne going on land in the future that was cut for time.
The episode title references the H.G. Wells book of the same name.

[NegiSpongie]

Here are my guest writes:

 

52a: The Revenge of Squilliam Returns

A guest speaker is coming to the PMU music class and everyone is excited, including Squidward- at least until Greg introduces the guest speaker that turns out to be none other than Squidward's rival, Squilliam Fancyson. Everyone is instantly impressed by his musical expertise while Squidward detests every minute of it, especially when Squilliam lays stealth insults at him that go by unnoticed by everyone but Squidward. He then reveals that he will be observing the final exams and will pick the best musician to perform in a special recital at the Bikini Bottom concert hall. Squidward decides to one up Squilliam once and for by making sure he is picked while Eellen wants to perform too. Though Daphne tries to draw his attention to her just to impress him. The try-outs go without a hitch, but when it's Squidward and Eellen's turns, they unknowingly compete with each other which drives Squilliam crazy. When he finally has enough, he picks some little guy in the back called Big who plays the triangle and declares Squidward a loser before leaving. Though Daphne puts on so much glitter on herself that it causes Squilliam to go blind that he trips on the theater chairs.

52b: Lavatory Story

After classes at PMU let out, everyone is ready to call it a day, though Squidward decides to take one more bathroom break and Peterpus joins him. When washing their hands, the janitor turns in early and unknowingly locks the bathroom with the two inside. Realizing their trapped till morning, Squidward panics, but Peterpus tries to look at it in a positive light by making toilet paper sculptures and bathing in the sink, which Squidward refuses to partake in. But the toll takes a toll on both of them when they can't find any privacy away from the toilets and nearly go mad with hunger. The next morning when the bathrooms are finally unlocked, Ray is the first to enter and sees the withered bodies of Squidward and Peterpus who both madly lunge and him and try to eat him, thinking he's a mirage.

Edited June 6, 2018 by jjsthekid

[Yoshi]

53a. Merry Squidmas! (Part 1)

One day, it was a cold winter day at PMU, and the last day before winter break. Students were prepared to celebrate the holidays with their families, especially Squidward, Peterpus, Ray, Eellen, and Daphne. Even Professor Shell and Wobbagong were eager to get out of there already. The bell for the last class rings, as everyone eagerly runs out, with some students likely being trampled in the mayhem. It's even snowing outside, much to everyone's delight. Squidward is eagerly excited to go back to Bikini Bottom and spend some time with his family. His friends are also excited to see their families again, and are eager to see what presents they get this year. Of course, the four still have to work, so the gang heads to the New Kelp City Krusty Krab. Ray, Peterpus, Daphne and Eellen work their shifts, while Squidward sits around, wondering how his meeting with his parents will go. Suddenly, a news report comes on stating a giant snowstorm is heading their way, and that all flights to Bikini Bottom have been cancelled until further notice. This upsets Squidward, since he doesn't know how else he'll get to Bikini Bottom now. His friends feel bad for him, as they're not sure what to do either. Suddenly, an elf magically appears from gold dust, startling the gang. The elf says he knows how to help them...

53b. Merry Squidmas! (Part 2)

The elf explains to them that he can have Santa take them there in his sleigh. Ray laughs, stating that Santa isn't real, but the elf insists he is. The others are unsure whether to believe this. The elf claims that they must gain Santa's trust if they want to meet him. Ray decides to play along for now, asking what the elf wants them to do. The elf explains in order to gain Santa's trust, they must perform ten good deeds. So the gang sets off, performing what they consider good deeds, including: giving presents to the poor, helping plow snow through the streets, and other various tasks. The gang goes back to the New Kelp City Krusty Krab, but the elf is gone. Ray says he knew it was a trick, but Eellen says even if it was, they still did good for everyone. Suddenly, they hear a "ho ho ho", as Santa Claus magically appears. All five are shocked, so Santa claps his hands. They appear at SpongeBob's pineapple, where a party is being held. SpongeBob is happy to see Squidward, wondering how he got there, as Patrick, Sandy, Gary and Mr. Krabs are also at the party. Squidward's parents, Ray's parents, Eellen's parents, Daphne's parents, and Peterpus' parents are even there, who explain they were magically teleported, but they're happy to see their children. Santa explains he was pleased with the strong friendship and teamwork the five displayed, so he let them see their families all in one location with Squidward's past friends. SpongeBob is surprised Santa is real, and Patrick asks if he's a genie. Everyone has fun at SpongeBob's party, as they all get along and open presents, as Squidward gets a brand new clarinet courtesy of SpongeBob, surprisingly pleasing him. Plankton tries to steal a Krabby Patty during the party, but Mr. Krabs crushes him, giving everyone a good laugh. They then proceed to sing holiday songs into the night.

Notes: Santa Claus is voiced by Tom Hanks.

Trivia: 

-Morty, Squidina, Darren, Melody, Yark, Brad, The Culinary Club, Professor Proton, Mr. Swordfish, Ryan Crawfish, and Professor Gilliam all make cameos.

-SpongeBob, Patrick, Sandy, Gary, Mr. Krabs, and Plankton all appear again.

First Appearances: Santa Claus, Elf, Squidward's Parents, Ray's Parents, Daphne's Parents, Peterpus's Parents, and Eellen's Parents

 

The Squid staff wishes you a nice holiday season!

Edited June 10, 2018 by jjsthekid

[Old Man Jenkins]

Episode 54a - Internment

Today marks the first day of Squid and the gang's internships. Ray is off interning at Larry's Gym's newest location in New Kelp City, Eellen is getting some on the job counseling experience under Dr. Cuddlefish, Daphne is interning for Wobbegong, Squidward has an internship at the Briny Aeronautics and Space Administration, while Peterpus is interning for Fred Rechid at the law firm, Fancyson & Sons. 

Peterpus gets more than he bargained for when he finds himself assisting Fred in a personal case to prove his son, Tommy's, innocence for a heinous crime. Meanwhile, Eellen finds herself appalled at Dr. Cuddlefish's manipulative methods of "counseling" her fellow students, so she takes it upon herself to rekindle Cuddlefish's past brilliance in the field by helping to guide another student, Monroe Rechid, the right way. At Larry's Gym, Ray is beyond stoked to be doing what he loves for a living, but is soon met with the harsh reality of the workload that comes with it. Under Larry's helpful supervision, he learns to find the balance. At BASA, Squidward undergoes some treacherous training to achieve his dream of becoming the first ever "football playing king in space". Back at PMU, Daphne and Wobbegong are initially none too pleased about working together, with Wobbegong giving Daphne some menial labor to start off. Daphne stands up for her self worth and the two eventually bond over their similar backgrounds as ego-centric troublemakers, as well as their shared desires of being the masters of their domains and destiny. Wobbegong even admits to Daphne that she is so strict because she absolutely can't accept seeing anyone at her school fail. If it even means having to be the bad guy, then so be it, just as long as no one gets left behind. She finishes by saying that people need a firm hand to keep them in line. Daphne adds on that they need "compassion and understanding" too, and Wobbegong is all like "yeah, sure."

In the end, despite their best efforts, Tommy is found guilty of assaulting the environment (littering) in the second degree and is sentenced to do some hard time behind bars. Tommy, his father and his brother, Monroe, share one last moment together as a family before Tommy is escorted away. Peterpus expresses frustration at his perceived inability to help Fred, but Fred compliments the work he put in, even going so far as to assure him that with failure comes self-growth and that one failure doesn't define who he is for the rest of his life, he should know from all the times he's had his leg broken back in Bikini Bottom but now look at him. Meanwhile, Eellen and Cuddlefish help guide Monroe through the personal problems regarding his family and assure him that he can amount to so much more and lead a better life than his brother and father.

Everyone comes out of their internships changed for the better. Except Squidward, who's lack of royal blood prevents him from becoming a fully realized football playing king in space.

 

First Appearance(s): Fred and Tommy Rechid, Rick Star, Larry the Lobster, the fine men and women at BASA

Trivia:

- This episode actually marks Monroe's second appearance in Squid, having previously appeared in Pacific Drama Time in a cameo.

 - Squidward reveals that he is surely serious about becoming a football playing king in space, a profession that he teased being in the original SpongeBob episode "Spare a Dime".

 - Larry's begun franchising his gym, recently opening a new location in New Kelp City.

 - Larry imparts Ray with some sage advice that he got from working out with the great investor, Warren Puffett, based on real life billionaire Warren Buffett

 - The "Sadly I am only an Eel" eel from the SpongeBob episode, "Your Shoe's Untied", appears as one of the poor, unfortunate souls seeking counseling from Dr. Cuddlefish.

Notes:

 - This episode acts as a sort of crossover with OMJ's first spinoff, "Break A Leg!", that's also based in New Kelp City and stars Fred, Tommy and Monroe, who all appear in this episode. Larry the Lobster also starred in "Break A Leg!" as an antagonist-turned-friend of Fred's alongside Rick, who was Fred's friend and co-worker.

 - The episode was originally supposed to end with a scene that had Fred, Rick and Larry catching up with each other at Larry's Gym, but was cut for unknown reasons.

 

Episode 54b - Dead Week

It is finally the week before exams, and everybody is crunching for time trying to get some studying and work done. Eellen misplaces one of her term papers and can't keep herself quiet in their dorm, so Daphne, instead of getting after her, takes her to Kelpin' Donuts to continue their work there. Peterpus is above and beyond nervous about finals, which leads to a mini fight with Ray, who seems almost insulted that someone as intelligent and "made for life" as Peterpus is thinking that he'll do any worse than him or Squidward. This causes the entire dorm to kick the three of them out. Squidward hopes to ease their tension and calm their nerves over some coffee and donuts.

The gang all meet with each other there and decide to tackle this together. They soon start to reminisce about the many times they've spent together which then leads to a discussion about where the future will take each of them post-college. Ray says that he is looking to maybe become an entrepreneur while Peterpus wants to further his studies. Eellen just wants to help people whichever way she can and Daphne decides that she wants to rule the seven seas by possibly getting into politics, but of course if that doesn't work out, she always has theater to fall back on. Squidward says that with his hopes and dreams once again stomped on, he doesn't know what to do. He's still not as good as he'd like to think he is artistically, so he doubts he can make a living off that. This is the most unsure that he's ever been. He begins to wallow over the fact that he'll just be doomed to go back to what he was doing in Bikini Bottom before attending PMU. The coffee and donuts do not mix well with Peterpus' anxiety and he proceeds to vomit from the stress, which is the gang's signal to leave the donut shop while they can. 

The next day, the gang spends their time studying at the campus library. Squidward breaks the silence by admitting that he feels like he's peaked in life and how he wishes that their time together at PMU didn't have to end. He then goes on to admit that these last couple of years were the best he's had, through all the good and the bad. Daphne, along with some encouragement from the others, tells him that he can keep that feeling going for himself, through all the good AND bad that life may throw at him post-PMU, by continuing to carry on everything that he's learned there and not regressing to his old ways. Their time in the library is suddenly interrupted by a parade of Kappa Finma streakers looking to liven the place up. Daphne suggests that they should take a break and head to the campus rec center for some much needed r & r, but the others don't really want to break the "academic high" that they're each on right now. Eellen wants to turn in her term paper to Professor Shell, so they all decide to accompany her there.

At Professor Shell's class, he notices that they each look unsure about themselves. Ray asks if Shell has anything else left to teach them. Shell tells them to take risks, the right risks, because taking the right risks is what brought them all here in the first place. He ends his lesson by telling them all to dream, to try and to do good. They can all reach for the stars even from down below. Everyone's spirits are seemingly restored by those words. When midnight rolls around, the entire campus erupts in a ceremonial "FINALS SCREECH" to vent out their frustrations, but the gang doesn't join in. Daphne notices and asks if none of them really has anything to vent about. They all concur that they got nothing before deciding to join in on the screech anyway, just for fun.

 

Trivia:

 - Various recurring and guest characters appear throughout the episode, both in person and through flashbacks. The most notable being the members of Kappa Finma.

 - The Shell scene is totally not from Boy Meets World.

Notes - This episode serves as a "clip show" of sorts, with the gang reminiscing about some past episodes in Kelpin' Donuts.

 - both these episodes were aired out of order because OMJ can't count.

Edited February 18, 2018 by Old Man Jenkins

[Sophlez]

55a. Eellen vs. Aaron

One day, Aaron is seen in jail. He vows revenge on Eellen and Darren. Aaron then concocts a clever escape plan, as he tricks one of the guards into helping him tie his shoes. He hightails it out of there, laughing. He then finds the PMU campus, seeing Eellen with her friends. He devises a scheme to take control of her friends. After their classes are over, and they head to Kelpin' Donuts, Aaron reveals himself. Squidward, Ray, Peterpus and Daphne wonder who this weirdo is, as Eellen reveals he is a super villain she dealt with before. Aaron then casts dark magic on her friends, as he brainwashes them, and they are now under his command. They try to grab Eellen, as she then runs away. Darren then finds her, telling her Aaron has returned. She tells him she knows, saying he brainwashed her friends. Darren asks Eellen if she still has the wand, and she replies she does. She takes him to her dorm, and finds the wand under her bed. The two find Aaron controlling her friends, trying to use them to rob a bank. Eellen casts a spell on them, freeing them from Aaron's control. Aaron and Eellen both have a magic fight, but Eellen wins. She drains his magic powers from him. The cops come and arrest Aaron again, who is taken away to a maximum security prison in New Kelp City. Darren is impressed by Eellen, and bids farewell to them. Squidward is confused by what happened, as Eellen explains to them. They are impressed, and take her to Kelpin' Donuts to eat.

Note: This is a sequel to the Season 2 episode "Eellen vs. Magic". This episode is also slightly longer than normal, being 14 minutes long.

Trivia: Both Aaron and Darren reappear.

55b. Sleep Cycle

One night, Peterpus gets out of his bed, and walks off campus. Squidina walks out of her dorm, and sees Peterpus sleepwalking, so she follows him. Peterpus begins to sleepwalk through New Kelp City, late at night. He walks through an intersection, as two boats honk at him. He walks all over the city, visiting many locations in a long montage, still sleepwalking while Squidina follows. He then returns to his bed, and goes back to sleep. Squidina kisses him on the cheek, and goes back to her dorm.

Notes:

-This is the shortest episode in the series to date, being only 7 minutes long.

-Neither Squidward, Daphne, Eellen, or Ray appear.

Trivia:

-The Kelp Skyscraper (from "Up Top") and amusement park (from "Squiddy Yo Ho Ho") from reappear.

-Morty and Squidina reappear.

Edited February 18, 2018 by jjsthekid

[crushingmayhem]

56a. Writer's Block

Squidward has to write an essay about the importance of music for his class, but gets procrastination on how to write it. He thinks as hard as he can, but struggles to write a compelling essay. He tries to concentrate in the PMU library, but several people like the Kappa Finma group annoy him. As the day passes by, Squidward starts to run out of time. He asks Ray, Peterpus, Daphne and Eellen for help, who would love to, but they're also working on their own essays. Squidward plays his clarinet to relax. He then gets inspiration on how to write, realizing what to write. He writes nonstop, and finishes. He hands in the essay in the next day, and gets an A, pleasing him.

Notes: This episode is somewhat of a homage to "Procrastination" from SpongeBob.

Trivia: Mandy Taray (from "Aquatic Animal House"), James Sebastian-Seahorse III and Kappa Finma make cameos.

 

56b. Restaurant Wars

Kelpin' Donuts and the New Kelp City Krusty Krab start to compete for each other's business. The gang doesn't want to get caught in this rivalry. Despite Peterpus, Daphne, Ray and Eellen working there, they still enjoy Kelpin' Donuts products. Doug, the manager of Kelpin' Donuts, advertises a brand Krabby Donut to compete with Krabby Patties. This attracts many customers. The gang is not happy about this, so they contact Mr. Krabs, who decides to wage a restaurant war! A giant food fight occurs. In the middle of the fighting, the gang convince Doug to make a truce with the New Kelp City Krusty Krab. He agrees, as Krabs and him shake hands. The two restaurants go back to normal, both getting equal business.

First Appearances: Doug

Trivia: Bernstein (from "Squidward and Bernstein") and Brad make cameos.

[TJ]

57a. Orectolobus Again

A series of bad reviews about PMU threatens to get Wobbegong fired from her position as Headmistress. Although Peterpus, Daphne, and Ray are happy about the rumors of Wobbegong's firing, Squidward and Eellen believe that something sinister is at play. Squidward and Eellen track down several of the reviewers, who all admit to being paid off by Orectolobus. After Squidward and Eellen reveal the truth to Wobbegong, she has a computer whiz named Hoolian track down Orectolobus' current location. Wobbegong confronts Orectolobus, with him agreeing to reveal the truth to the public if Wobbegong marries him. Wobbegong agrees, going through with the wedding. Squidward, Ray, Peterpus, Eellen, Daphne, and Greg all attend the wedding, wondering why she would agree to do something so stupid. Once the ceremony is over and the truth about the bad reviews comes out, she files for divorce under the grounds of coercion/duress. The court rules in her favor after she submits a wire tap as evidence, revealing that she had recorded their initial conversation where Orectolobus blackmailed her into marriage. Orectolobus becomes a national joke, while Wobbegong takes back her life and career. In the final scene, Wobbegong is seen attending a PMU event for female faculty for International Women's Day.

First Appearances: Hoolian (Wobbegong's computer-savy friend).

Notes: Orectolobus makes his third appearance on the show. 

Happy International Women's Day!

57b. Years From Now

With Finals week coming up at PMU, as Squidward, Peterpus, Daphne, Ray, and Eellen are all stressing out about their tests and grades. Ellen (and Greg) try to convince everyone to keep calm, but the gang continues to sink deeper into fear, depression, and anxiety. One night, Eellen has a dream about the gang's lives ten years into the future. Ray is morbidly obese and lives alone in his small trailer home. Squidward is a failed clarinet player with eight terrible children. Daphne is in a Psych Ward, where the only thing that comforts her is knitting clothes and playing with snails. The next morning after Daphne awakens, she tells the gang about what she saw in her dream. The idea of these horrible futures convinces the four to stop stressing out and enjoy life as it is right now. At the end of Finals week, everyone does relatively well on their tests. In the ending scene, Eellen has a dream about her own future, thirty years from now. Eellen dreams of herself as the President, with Squidward as her First Man. Ellen quickly awakens from this dream, wondering if something like that could actually happen.

Trivia: In Eellen's final dream, Sandy Cheeks is seen as the Vice President.

Notes: Wobbegong is absent in this episode.

Edited March 9, 2018 by jjsthekid

[Harvey Birdman]

58a. Buggin' Out

A stomach bug is going around PMU, and Daphne, proud of her perfect attendance since elementary school, is doing everything she can not to catch it, going to classes wearing a facemask and avoiding even her closest friends if she hears the slightest cough from them. Squidward, Ray, Peterpus, and Eellen end up catching the bug, and Daphne gets so paranoid that she starts wearing a full-on hazmat suit every time she leaves her dorm room. Wobbegong, noticing the bug's rapid spread, reluctantly cancels classes for the week, and Daphne, still paranoid despite her attendance record no longer being in jeopardy, decides to seal off her room and remain in it until the "pandemic" is over. A few days later, the bug is gone and everybody's healthy again...everybody, that is, except Daphne, who catches the suds from a sponge she had used to scrub her room down.

Trivia: This is the first time we learn about Daphne's perfect attendance since grade school.

58b. Unconventional

Squidward is in the student mail center with Peterpus. After grabbing the latest issue of Fancy Living Digest from his mailbox, he notices an envelope addressed to him, and he opens it to find a pair of tickets to the first-ever New Kelp Comic Con and a handwritten letter from Mermaid Man inviting him to the convention as a gift for helping catch the Sneaky Hermit. Peterpus sees the tickets and letter and begs Squidward to let Peterpus go to the convention with him. Squidward pretends to think about it for a few moments, then he tells Peterpus that of course he can accompany Squidward to the convention.

At the New Kelp City Convention Center, hundreds of fish dressed in costumes are standing at booths lined along the wall. Peterpus is dressed as Captain Magma, and Squidward, who isn't a fan of comic books, wears his usual clothes. While looking for Mermaid Man's booth, they bump into Professor Shell, who's cosplaying as the masked hero The Green Tortoise. Shell points them in the direction of Mermaid Man's booth, and they pass somebody dressed as Man Ray as they run towards the booth, where Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are signing comic books. Suddenly, a raygun goes off behind them, and they turn around to find that the guy dressed as Man Ray actually is Man Ray. Man Ray orders everybody at the convention to empty their wallets, and when Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy fly out of their booth to stop him, he uses a different raygun to freeze them in midair. Man Ray cackles maniacally as he pulls the heroes back and forth with his raygun. Thinking fast, Peterpus throws the volcano-style head of his costume in between the raygun and the heroes, blocking the ray and allowing Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy to get close enough to shut Man Ray down for good. As police drag Man Ray off, Mermaid Man thanks Peterpus and, before giving him his volcano head back, makes sure to sign it.

Notes: This episode recalls 33b - Sounds of Mystery

[Yoshi]

59a. Scales Strikes Back!

One day, Mrs. Hillary Scales is seen spying on PMU from a bush. She plans revenge once more, but this time, she wants to shut the entire university down! She devises a heinous scheme to infest the campus with urchins! The students panic with this infestation, and soon, PMU is shut down by New Kelp City officials. Squidward, Ray, Peterpus, Daphne and Eellen are upset by this, as they try to get to the bottom of how this happened. They hesitantly team up with Wobbegong and Professor Shell to get the school running again. They work together to drive the urchins off the campus, much to Scales' dismay. She gets angry, and tries to attack them with nematodes! Unfortunately, the nematodes disobey, and attack her back. The police arrive, after getting a call from Wobbegong. Squidward's gang, Wobbegong and Shell explain everything that happened to the officers. The officers deter the nematodes, and arrest Scales. However, the nematodes try to attack the campus. Wobbegong, Shell, and Squidward's gang team up to drive them away, as their lure the nematodes away from the campus. Scales is taken away in the police boat, accepting defeat, as PMU is reopened. Squidward's gang have a laugh, hoping that's the last time they deal with evil substitute teachers. Wobbegong then orders them all to get back to class, but has a hearty laugh.

Trivia:

-Third and final appearance of Hillary Scales.

-Brad, Morty, Mr. Swordfish, The Culinary Club, Ryan Crawfish, Yark, Professor Proton, Professor Gilliam, James-Sebastian Seahorse III, Kappa Finma, Melody and Squidina make cameos.

 

59b. Skippin' 2: Electric Boogaloo

One day, PMU does have to have an optional skip day. Morty offers Ray if he's up for another wild adventure, and Ray is in. But this time Ray offers for his friends to join along. Morty decides to agree, as Ray consults Squidward, Daphne, Eellen and Peterpus. Although Eellen and Peterpus are reluctant at first to partake in this skipping, the others are able to pressure them into it. The six have a fun day out to get, going to the arcade, the amusement park, shopping, and possibly getting in trouble with the law thanks to Morty. But they all make it out alright after a wild adventure. They end the day with some nice meals at the New Kelp City Krusty Krab, laughing like sitcom characters.

Notes: This is a sequel to "Skippin'" from Season 2.

Trivia: P&P (from "Of Dunces & Dragons") appears again.

----

Six episode pairs in total are left for Squid.

Edited April 11, 2018 by jjsthekid

[Yoshi]

60a. Mr. Magic

One day, a magician named Harry Boudini visits PMU, performing several magic tricks. Peterpus is inspired by Boudini's work, and decides to practice being a magician. Peterpus starts off rocky, but he is eventually able to do more than basic card tricks, impressing Squidina and his friends. Even Boudini is eventually impressed with his skill, and he offers Peterpus for the two to perform a trick together before he departs. Peterpus is a bit nervous, but gets over his fear, as the two are able to perform a great magic trick to the whole campus. Everyone applauds their work. Boudini is proud of Peterpus, saying he could be a world famous magician someday. He then departs, bidding farewell to everyone. Peterpus promises to continue his legacy.

First Appearances: Harry Boudini

Trivia: Squidina, Mr. Swordfish, and Brad reappear.

 

60b. Where's Squidward?

One day, all seems well at PMU...until Squidward's friends realize something: Squidward is nowhere to be found! Ray, Peterpus, Daphne and Eellen search everywhere to figure out where their friend is. They ask as many students and teachers as they can for help, but nobody has seen Squidward around. Eventually, using their smarts, the gang follows several carefully placed clues across the campus. All of the clues lead them to the dentist, where Squidward had his wisdom teeth pulled, which is why he wasn't at school. Squidward is still feeling sore, saying to them he's probably not coming to school tomorrow either, as they all have a good laugh.

Notes: Fourth mystery themed episode in the series.

Trivia: Melody, Morty, Ryan Crawfish, Professor Proton and Professor Gilliam make cameos.