Ten Minute Tales

[CDCB]

#3:

 

Imagine... you've been given a topic... you have to write something, but there's a catch. The deadline... is in 10 minutes. Frantically you race to put together a conceivable story, writing down whatever pops into your head. Half the time you don't even know what you're writing. The result could be really funny, really stupid, or make absolutely no sense. But that doesn't matter. What matters is meeting that deadline...

What can one possibly turn out in the ridiculously short time of 10 minutes? I'm glad you asked...

 

 

Episode 1 "Oh Bother"

Deep in the Hundred Acre Wood, Pooh was playing with his very dear friend Piglet. Not like that, you fucking pervert. Anyway, the two friends were on top of a hill chasing a butterfly when Pooh tripped over a log and fell on his fat ass. 

"Oh bother..." moaned Pooh. He'd already fallen on his ass fifteen times today, and this wasn't making the rectal trauma any easier for him. 

"Oh d-d-dear..." shivered Piglet. "One more fall and who knows what'll happen?!"

"You mean like this?" Pooh said as he purposefully fell over and landed on a jagged rock.

"Pooh, you fucking dipshit..." facepalmed Piglet. "I suppose it's a good thing Owl knows surgery. He's replaced Eeyore's tail lots of times, so I imagine removing something shouldn't be much different."

"You mean I'll lose my ass?" cried Pooh.

"It's either that or no more honey!" 

"...anything else you'd like to remove, Piglet?"

So Piglet hauled Pooh over to Owl's house with a trail of stuffing leaking out of Pooh's torn ass. Owl took one look and right away said, "Ho ho! This reminds me of the time my great uncle Edgar broke his left wing. He--"

"JUST CUT OFF HIS ASS ALREADY!!" Piglet yelled impatiently.

And so Pooh's ass was removed and although the silly old bear felt somewhat saddened that he couldn't sit anymore, he found that honey was the right thing to assuage the situation.

Edited June 12, 2018 by jjsthekid

[Minty Car]

You actually went through and posted this

As good as the first time.

[Metal Snake]

Oh, this brings back memories of the time I tried writing "time trial" stories. I wrote two of them. They are my worst works of all time without question. XD This was amusing though.

[E.V.I.L.]

Still better than anything I could ever write omfg 

[CDCB]

Episode 2 "OMJ the Wrestler"

"Be a Champion!" the sign read. "All you have to do is beat the shit out of somebody and you're a damn winner!" 

That sounded good to OMJ. Beating the shit out of somebody anyway. He could care less about being a damn winner as long as he got to kick some ass. So our hero went to a nondescript wrestling arena and prepped himself for the contest.

"In this corner!" said the referee, "Old Man Jughead!"

"JENKINS, bro," corrected OMJ.

"Jughead!" repeated the referee. "And in this corner... Elastic!"

Suddenly a large anthropomorphic rubber band appeared in the corner opposite of OMJ. At that point he knew he was screwed because he knew the old rubber and glue saying. Alright fine, he wasn't glue but he'd certainly bounce off of Elastic. But he didn't come all this way for nothing. No, he had to give it his all and be a damn winner! 

The bell rang and OMJ grabbed two ends of Elastic and (surprisingly easily) shot him through the glass ceiling and on top of the world's largest rubber band ball. In a wrestling match more pathetic than Carly holding onto Shelby Marx's leg, OMJ showed that he truly was a damn winner!

The end, bro

[CDCB]

Episode 3 "Clowning Around"

It was a day much like any other. Bully and Betty were in their rooms when they heard a mysterious knock at the door, so they went to answer it.

It was a clown.

"Duh, hiya!" said the clown. "Is this the birthday party of Charlie Roskochaznit?"

"Fuck off, creepo!" said Billy, slamming the door extra hard.

There was another knock.

"Hey there little girl," the clown said again.

"I'm 17..." Betty said under her breath. 

"Are you sure? That's a lot of candles..." said the clown.

"Will you just go away already?" asked Billy.

"Errrr... I don't think so," the clown paused for a moment. "I think I'd like some uhhh... errrr..." He reached inside and pulled out a conveniently placed piggy bank. "Ah yes, that'll do."

And so the clown ran off with Billy and Betty's life savings. They weren't sure exactly what just happened but instead of doing the sensible thing and calling the police, they took chase and followed the clown all over the city of Chingydingyburg.

They followed the clown into a forest where he finally sat down on a log and reevaluated his thinking.

"Aww geez..." he said with a tear falling out of his eye and messing up his freaky ass makeup. "Clowns should be making people laugh. Not stealing stuff from them..." He decided the right thing to do was to return the piggy bank and put up an ad so he could start performing at children's birthday parties.

Unfortunately before the clown could act upon his epiphany, Billy and Betty came in out of nowhere and knocked him in the head with a tree branch. I guess clowns aren't very durable or some shit because that clown was deader than disco. 

The end...?

[Metal Snake]

Both of these new shorts made me giggle. "Chingydingyburg".

 

Edited May 29, 2017 by Austin Layers