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Halibooty, Wumbooty, Clappy, and Katniss rank all of the Year-End Charts by Position! (Starting with the #1s)

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Yup, an ultimate crossover on here! Me, Wumbo, Clappy and Kat will listen to and rank the year-end songs, but not by year like Wumbo. Instead, we're doing it by position! Another main difference between this and Wumbo's year-end rankings is that it'll be much more casual and a bit less elaborate. The rankings will be made by a general consensus by all four of us! Hopefully, we don't suck at this :squilliam2:

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10 WORST YEAR-END CHART TOPPERS EVER
 

Spoiler

10. WILSON PHILLIPS - HOLD ON [1990]

Halibut: When people say that 1990 was a miserable year for mainstream music, they're saying it for a reason. The year was loaded with utter crap, whether it's boring or annoying. The year-end topper for 1990 didn't really need to be this way. A song like "Poison" by Bell Biv Devoe could've easily snatched the spot, but what we gave the trophy was this boring-ass cheesefest. I don't hate this song as much as some of the other commentators, but I can definitely see the hate. Aside from the three barely being able to sing, it's matches with this extremely boring production. Overall, just a boring song. It came close to my personal top 10, it didn't make it though.
Wumbo: If this was the introduction I got to what the 90's were gonna be for music, I would have turned around and ran back in the other direction. This is definitely one of the most worthless songs I came across doing this. It's just a shame that this is what the offspring of Brian Wilson accumulated to, because it's a bit of a stain on his legacy, truth be told.
Katniss: When I first saw the music video for this, I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cringe. It’s ironic that these three  daughters of iconic musicians didn’t seem to inherit much of their parents’ talents.
Clappy: Don't really have any thoughts on this to be honest.  It's worthless trash that could have been left back a decade ago.  The fact that this got popular enough to top the charts in 1990 is just ridiculous to be honest.  I think we covered far worse #1's than this, but that doesn't excuse this for existing.  Also I have to agree with Wumbo.  I can't believe that this is what the offspring of one of the all time greats in the music industry Brian Wilson produced.  Inexcusable.

 

Spoiler

9. DANIEL POWTER - BAD DAY [2006]


Halibut: Yeah, out of all of the songs on this list, I have to be honest, this is the one I most disagree with. It's not necessarily that I really like it, or that I don't understand the hate, but I found the song nothing short of mediocre. It's just a simple piano song, I don't find it that harmful. Sorry.
Wumbo: This didn't make my Bottom 10, but all the same I can see why it's on here. One of the... whiter songs on the list, let's say. Add to that Daniel Powter's whiny singing (moar like Daniel Pouter amirite??) and a lackluster instrumentation and we've got ourselves a slog of song.

Katniss: Daniel Powter’s vocals are not that great and the lyrics aren’t anything special. How’s a sad song supposed to turn around your bad day? This song is a big puddle of bleh.

Clappy: Let's rewind SBC back to late 2013 when I decided to cover the Top 10 Best/Worst Hit songs of 2006.  I remember making a very controversial entry onto the worst list that a couple users thought was considered wildly unpopular.  Now nearly two years later, I'm glad to say that I'm not the only one who thought Daniel Powter's one hit wonder is massive amounts of garbage.  Sure it has nostalgic value but come on guys.  This guy is not talented.  Daniel Powter....he's trying to sing, but he's not doing it well.  But what really still drives me crazy to this day is the horrendous lyrics.  I mean the point of this song is that a sad song is suppose to turn one's luck around?  How is that inspirational?  Just a huge bore.

 

Spoiler

8. GEORGE MICHAEL - FAITH [1988]

Halibut: Oh ho ho, I definitely understand the hate for this one. This song is just garbage. George Michael can do so much better, and I know that he can do a million times better than this. One More Try is untouchable, for example. I've never really minded sleazy songs by any means, George's song I Want Your Sex is a great sleazy song for the record, but this crosses the line. The annoying instrumentation along with George Michael's voice being worse than ever is already enough to make this list, but once you put the horrible lyrics into regard, this song is just terrible. Plus, the music video shows his ass in close-up and that just makes the song lose even more points.

Wumbo: Okay, I like George Michael just fine. But holy god, was this song a complete mess. Its instrumentation is just horrendous, all herky-jerky and whatnot. It was a contender for my bottom 10, but just missed it.

Katniss: His other 80s chart-topper, Careless Whisper, is a better hit in my eyes. Faith is...not great. But at the same time, I don’t hate it. At least George Michael’s voice has some life to it (lookin’ at you, Daniel) even though the vocals sound kinda weird. I do kinda enjoy the instrumentation, it sounds quite kicky.

Clappy: Still don't like George Michael.  Vastly overrated...gasp I used the "o word".  I'll give him this.  It's still the best version of Faith I've ever heard.  That's not saying much.  This song has not worked for anyone.  But let's critique the original for a second which almost made my original 50 Worst Songs Ever list as you all might recall.  Atrocious instrumentation, terrible lyrics, George Michael's vocals being all over the place, that music video.  God what a waste.  This made my Bottom 3 and for good reason.

 

Spoiler

7. BLACK EYED PEAS - BOOM BOOM POW [2009]

Halibut: Ugh. When these guys are at their worse, they really are unlistenable. First of all, the production is nothing short of very annoying. It sounds like they tried to make this song fun, but they just managed to make it sound dull. Along with that, the almost condescending nature of the lyrics and delivery of all four just makes you feel like you want to punch them all in the face. "You're so 2000 and late" still pisses me off. The one small okay thing about the song is that Taboo's verse is surprisingly listenable. Sadly, it gets followed be Apl.de.ap, whose verse is unarguably the most wretched. Utter garbage, thank god the Black Eyed Peas broke up three years ago. LET THE BEAT RAAAAWK!

Wumbo: Black Eyed Peas at some of their very worst. The beat is nonexistent, the personalities are awful, the rapping is obnoxious. Need I say more?

Katniss: If I could describe this song in one word, it would be OBNOXIOUS. The production sucks and the rapping isn’t fun in the slightest. Probably one of the worst songs that the Black Eyed Peas have ever made, if not THE worst.

Clappy: Shit.  Shit.  Shit.  But I'll admit this.  It didn't make my Bottom 10.  This song has tons of flaws that my other three cohorts will all emphasize and I agree with them.  But as the only one who didn't have it that low, allow me to explain my reasoning.  If there is one thing will.i.am knows how to do well, it's making inexcusably earworm-y and every time I hear this, that production, those bad lyrics, they can't get out of my mind.  So at least Boom Boom Pow is...."listenable?"  I don't know how to describe it but at least I don't mind listening to it, even if it is as bad as everyone says it is.

 

Spoiler

6. TONY ORLANDO FEAT. DAWN - TIE A YELLOW RIBBON 'ROUND THE OLE OAK TREE [1973]

Halibut: I do not have a stomach for 70s kitsch at all. I can barely tolerate it in any way. This song is no exception. I honestly do not have that many words for this song, it's just soooooooooooooooo laaaaaaaame. Its less-than-bare-bones instrumentation just makes me fall asleep. I don't really have any anger at this song admittedly, but I still find it utterly worthless. The 70s are great when you avoid the kitsch, though.

Wumbo: All I can say is, you can't spell "kitsch" without "shit". And that analogy wouldn't be apt if there weren't horribly kitschy songs like these.

Katniss: When I think 70s music, I think funky, rockin’, cool jams, not this super boring kitschy crap. What a yawnfest.

Clappy: I don't know how this song became one of the biggest of the 1970s.  When I think of popular 70s songs, I think of fun funk tunes, great disco tracks, rocking rock music.  Just all around best pop music decade.  Not boringly tedious kitschy crap.  How did this top 1973?  Just how?

 

Spoiler

5. ROD STEWART - TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT (GONNA BE ALRIGHT) [1977]

Halibut: ... Once again, I have very low tolerance for shitty 70s music. It can tolerate 80s lameness and 00s obnoxiousness, but 70s music is just the worst. I can't name a song more quintessentially the bad part of 70s than this one. Rod Stewart should not be famous. His singing is terrible, and he's a total piece of rotten cheese. The song is just creepy. Rod Stewart's serenading to this girl about how he's gonna have sex with her, and it just makes my skin crawl indefinitely. The ending with the audio of the girl basically having sex with Rod makes this song infinitely worse. Why did the general public in 1977 let this become a hit? I don't fucking get it.

Wumbo: I don't normally mind Rod Stewart, but holy god is this song insufferable. Not only is it boring, but the sex noises at the end totally make this a bottom tier pick. Fuck this song.

Katniss: Hearing this made my skin crawl a little. Rod Stewart comes across as such a sleazebag. Just listen to the way he tries to convince a girl to sleep with him. And those noises of sex at the end of the song are gross and unnecessary.

Clappy: Rod Stewart I can tolerate just fine.  Another vastly overrated artist yes, but I can tolerate him.  I don't get the appeal of this song at all.  It's awful all across the board.  I think I might have under voted this one in retrospect to be honest, but I'm not going to look back at that because it's ranking overall is perfectly fine with me.  Long story short, Rod Stewart comes off as a massive tool and god that sex at the end comes off as painfully forced.

 

Spoiler

4. JIMMY GILMER AND THE FIREBALLS - SUGAR SHACK [1963]

Halibut: The zone in pop music before the British invasion is exactly as bad as people say it is. It's nothing but a baron wasteland of either shit that puts you to sleep or stuff that irritates the fuck out of you. Luckily, we only had a very small sample of this era, but on the downside, we had to sit through this piece of shit song. Cheesiness can be charming, but this ain't no charm cheese. This is nothing but annoyance. Extreme annoyance. Nothing about this song works. It spans from Jimmy Gilmer's horrible voice to the fucking recorder-type thing that you hear in this song. The early 60s were not a good time for music, never forget that.

Wumbo: The early 60's chart-toppers were surprisingly decent, but this one is exactly what you'd expect. Cheesy in none of the fun ways. Just... terrible, absolutely terrible.

Katniss: I didn’t think the early 1960s songs would be amazing, but I wasn’t expecting this level of suck so early on. I can’t even describe how annoying the instrumentation sounds. Not to mention the fact that Jimmy Glimer probably shouldn’t be singing.

Clappy: Must...resist....terrible memories....of my first part time job....ok allow me to elaborate.  At my first job this song was played at work tediously every hour.  I have always hated this.  Jimmy Gilmer has no excuse to be singing and the instrumentation is just fucking awful.  Oh and btw am I the only one who hates the double entendres about sex/coffee?  Makes my fucking skin crawl.  Really bad 60s cheese that should not be revisted any time soon. 

 

Spoiler

3. SGT. BARRY SADLER - BALLAD OF THE GREEN BERETS [1966]

Halibut: Quite a few good songs could have easily been huge hits and topped the chart in 1966. Undoubtedly one of the best years for mainstream music. There's 96 Tears, California Dreamin', Summer in the City, Paint it Black, fucking GOOD VIBRATIONS. I could name more, but I'm lazy. Of course, because America is collectively stupid, what the people in 1966 had top the whole year was an INSUFFERABLY boring song by this war veteran named Barry Sadler. I can't express in words how awful and dull this is. The guy has no voice, it's that simple. You really have to listen yourself to figure out why this is so horrible.

Wumbo: This one honestly shouldn't have even qualified for the list. This is barely a song, and while I can respect the veteran who did it, I can't respect the song as a work of music.

Katniss: This song’s worst crime is being pretty boring. I don’t hate it that much to be honest with you. Maybe if the singer had attempted to sound a bit more interesting or emotional, it would’ve been a slightly better song.

Clappy: I respect the veterans and are military for serving our country.  I am proud to be an American.  But the American listening public should not have made this song a hit at all.  Sergeant Barry Sadler has no reason to be a pop singer at all.  This guy has absolutely zero personality, zero stage presence, and is just an absolute bore.  And here I thought ballads in the modern times were dull and boring.  One of the most boring songs I've ever come across.  Was incredibly close to being number one.

 

Spoiler

2. OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN - PHYSICAL [1982]

Halibut: *sigh* FUCK THIS SONG. This song skyrocketed to my personal #1 spot once we got to it. I really despise it. I can see why some people may sorta find it charming, I find nothing short of asinine. Everything about this is cheesy in the worst way possible. Olivia's voice is poison to my poor delicate eardrums, and the beat is so campy and awful I wouldn't be surprised that she got it from some kids' dance tape. Ugh, I can't go on about this song. It's just thoroughly terrible. Oh yeah, the music video is garbage too.

Wumbo: Fuckin' Olivia. This song is what people think of when they say the 80's sucked. And for adequately good reason, too. The beat is just terrible, Olivia Newton-John cannot sing, and the entire tone of the song makes my skin crawl. If I wanted a Jazzercise video, I'd put one on, thanks.

Katniss: Ouch, this is pretty awful. This beat out Eye of the Tiger and I Love Rock n’ Roll for the top spot in ‘82? Wow. Olivia’s voice is bad bad bad bad. This is corny but not in the way that I can find enjoyable and endearing.

Clappy: Unlike everyone else, I'm willing to stick up for Olivia Newton-John.  She was good in Grease....

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
....that's it.  Everything else I've heard from her has just been unbearably bad.  Physical may not be the worst thing she's ever done, but it's pretty damn close.  This is cheesy bad in every sense of the way from the unbearable vocals, tasteless lyrics, and oh my god that video is legendary amounts of terrible.  I'll give this song this.  At least it's not the Glee version which is even worse to be honest.

 

Spoiler

1. LOS DEL RIO - MACARENA (BAYSIDE BOYS MIX) [1996]

Halibut: Fun fact: I am the only one of the four that didn't put this straight at #1. Yeah, it was kinda destined to hit the top. Look, I think this song extremely stupid. I did put it in my top 10, it's pretty insufferable if you listen to it more than once. I just can't bring an extreme hatred to it, though. I hate the song, but not with a passion. I feel like it's a better idea to pass this on to everyone else.

Wumbo: It's The Macarena. Do I really need to say more. Most definitely the most undeserving song to ever hit #1, and it's the worst one for me. I hate it passionately, but as much as I do, at least it ain't the original version.

Katniss: This definitely deserves the number one spot. The modern day has had some silly dance fads, but even some of those songs were more tolerable than the Macarena. Why was this the most popular song of its year? Honestly, the only tolerable part of the song is the two old guys singing in Spanish.

Clappy: Oh hey, it's one of the worst dance fads ever.  Yes I know how to do the Macarena.  Yes the dance craze has had staying power.  I am willing to even defend this song for being better than some other horrendously bad dance songs of the present looking at you you incredibly unoriginal uninspiring waste of my time Watch Me, but the Macarena is still one of the worst songs to ever hit number one.  The gimmicky hits of the late 1990s shouldn't even count as number ones at times because they are just so bizarrely what the fuck was the listening public thinking making this a hit.  These two Los Del Rio guys have absolutely no personality what so ever.  Anyone could have performed this song and made it a number one hit.  It's just inexcusable that I'm even acknowledging this as one of the biggest hits of the 1990s.  Unbearable.

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Burgerpants

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Might as well speak my thoughts about this list:

Spoiler

10: Never heard, actually

9: HAHAHAHAHAHA oh god, we let this become #1 over Nelly Furtado? Dear god, 2006 continues to baffle me.

8: That video's quite the Mozzarella.

7: I think everyone knows shit song is shit, so let's move on.

6: Never listened to

5: Never listened a beat of

4: Never heard, though considering how cookie-cutter 50s and early 60s pop is, that's not much of a surprise.

3: What a pile of nothingness this song is.

2: I actually find Physical so bad it's good tbh.

1: Admittedly, while I understand the hatred, I never hated Macarena. Of course, i'm not calling it good either.

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Sweat Newbie

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Might as well speak my thoughts about this list:

Spoiler

10: Never heard, actually

9: HAHAHAHAHAHA oh god, we let this become #1 over Nelly Furtado? Dear god, 2006 continues to baffle me.

8: That video's quite the Mozzarella.

7: I think everyone knows shit song is shit, so let's move on.

6: Never listened to

5: Never listened a beat of

4: Never heard, though considering how cookie-cutter 50s and early 60s pop is, that's not much of a surprise.

3: What a pile of nothingness this song is.

2: I actually find Physical so bad it's good tbh. Video included makes it even more of a guilty pleasure

1: Admittedly, while I understand the hatred, I never hated Macarena. Of course, i'm not calling it good either.

No offense dude, but I feel like giving your thoughts would be much more beneficial if you listened to all the songs instead of just saying "Never heard" to like half of the list.

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For the most part, we didn't even find it that bad. Actually pretty good. If the top list were extended to 20, Tik Tok probably could've made it.

oh wait i thought this was a list of the worst #1s OMG i meant tik tok should've been one of the best

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