Old Man Jenkins Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Part One We open up to Clappy sitting, waiting and asking in his own ask thread whilst fondling a new picture I shopped for Sauce. Clappy: Finally! With this, I'll have myself my next Idiot Box Office hit! Suddenly, he notices a rather unsure figure lurking over his ask thread. Clappy: I see you lurking, but I don't see any askin-BAH GAWD! And just like he gets whisked away. ???: Gawd is right. Next, we see Aya in her ask thread, waiting for more questions or CM stuff to come rolling in whilst dying her hair a different color. Aya: Yayaya! Now my hair is the same color as my pickle X3 A disturbing, hulking figure comes barging into her ask thread. ???: FEED ME PICKLEZZZZZ!!! Aya: Wait, I haven't finished my pickle ye- ???: WAKE UP! But whoever it was didn't, whoever it was just yanked her out of the kitchen sink by her hair anyway. Aya: And I'm only wearing panties! Then we see Sauce and Jelly at the scene of minor vehicular accident. Sauce: I haven't the slightest idea how that happened. I was only driving whilst gluing my eyelashes, singing along to Jack Johnson and keeking about it all at the same time. Jelly: Why are jou even driving again? Sauce: Because you needed a ride to work and I have my permit and you don't. Jelly: Jes, that's me! A couple of figures approach them. Figure 1: Why salutations there, "young ladies"! Figure 2: We couldn't help but notice you two need some small kine help. Figure 3: Horale putas, we can boost you and your car down at my shop and we get out of there in no time, holmes. Jelly: ¡¿Putas?! Sauce: My Pa always told me to never accept rides from boys, but when do I ever listen to him anyway Sauce and Jelly gets into their lowrider. Figure 3: And what is this majestica blanca señorita's name. Sauce: Me llamo Sauce Mama Figure 3: Ooh pequeña, Saucy Mamacita! Figure 4: Sauce Mama? Quigga please, FUCK Sauce Mama! She one BEEOTCH! The doors of the lowrider lock themselves in even though they don't have a sun roof and they can easily escape. They speed off smokin, drinkin, and screamin. We then see Dr. Sex and Omair back and forthing in Sex's ask thread. Omair: I don't understand why so many people get their panties in a twist when people use gay as an adjective? Sex: That's gay Another figure nonchalantly waltzes in on their back and forth. ???: Ye be friends with Old Man Jenkins? Omair: Yeah, we're friends. Even tho he doesn't really come into our ask threads Sex: This is my ask thread, I do the answering here but I guess you can say we're friends with no benefits, like mics ???: Close enough, how's about ye two come into me office. Ar ar ar ar! Sex: Bruh, last time I came into somebody's office, I got this herpe on my face Herpe: SILENCE, YOU FOOL! The ask thread shuts closed and locks itself with them inside, only the sound of a "LEL K" and ":funny:" are heard before two SPLATS, then dead silence filled the topic. The scene changes and we see OMJ, Cha and Crushing wandering around a seemingly deader than usual community. OMJ: Weird, I haven't seen Sauce and Aya or my back up friends, Omair and Sex, all day. They all enter Clappy's thread and Jelly's thread, but they too are inactive. Cha: Clappy and Jelly too? I wonder what could've happened- oh yeah, right, they have lives OMJ: Lives are terribly overrated Cha: Co-sign me braddah OMJ: So what are we gonna do? Crushing: Well, I know what I'm gonna do. Crushing says, about to update his status about the inactivity and overall deadness in SBC for just that day. OMJ: And I'm gonna do everything I wanna do! Cha: #DoEverythingWeWannaDoBuddies OMJ: OMJ: Finally, my wet dreams cum true: a room full of Kips! OMJ: Do you guys have cookies? Kips: They're hanging out! OMJ: AAAAAAHHHHH! Cha: AAAAHHHH!! Crushing: AAAHHH. OMJ: They said the safe word! Cha finally approaches OMJ's ask thread and asks him something. Cha: Zinc, don't you think we should try and find out what happened to our friends and back up friends now? OMJ: I've got chocolate Cha: maybe for just a few more hours. Crushing: OMJ, I really think we should go about finding the others, although I'm not sure I am feeling quite up to i- OMJ: I've got activity Crushing: Tomorrow for sure. OMJ: Guys, I really think you should look for the others now. I can't help but feel we could be next! Crushing: Or we can just watch this keek I received from Old Old Man Jenkins. OMJ: What? OLD Old Man Jenkins?! Crushing: Yeah you know, Old Jenkins? The badass you, tore apart the refuge, raped the game forums, based him off your cousin who looks better in a tank top than you do- OMJ: OK, I get the point Cha: You gave him the boot when you started being more honest with yourself and it was probs very stinky and he had to wear it all day and he probably despises you for it. Good tiiiiimes. Crushing: Bad tiiiiimes. Cha: Hey Crush, can I see that picture again? I think it's important, I think it's important that-that I see it again because- OMJ: When the fuck did you receive it? Crushing: Remember when you photoshopped all the Kips with their cookies hanging out? OMJ, Cha & Crushing: AAAAHHHHH!! OMJ plays the keek. OMJ, Cha & Crushing: AAAAAHHHHH!!! OMJ: BAMF Jenks?! Cha: BAMF Zinc Crushing: Long time no see, old friend. At least for a little while. BAMF OMJ: Thats right, BJ. It's you. The better at being you than you that you thought made your e-life miserable! Me and a bunch of your other discarded, unfinished works of art have taken the liberty to hijack your e-family, your friends, and your back up friends. So if you thought you were alone before, hoho, you ain't seen nothin yet, bubu- Omair pushes himself into view. Omair: OMJ IT'S ME, YOUR FRIEND, OMAR! You didn't told me you had this badass side to you before BAMF OMJ boots him out of view. BAMF OMJ: Now, you'll be forced to suffer the same loneliness I felt when you left me behind to rot on Forumotion! That is, until someone oh so badassly persuaded a certain dumb person to give me the new link OMJ and Cha glare at Crushing. Crush: I thought it'd pick up activity here a bit more. Cha: OMG, it's Skodwarde from Skodwarde, PatBack from Community Deathmatch, Ihavedahswag from S(lums)BU, and Mr. Krabs from the Killer Krab all in one convenient, evil location! They all stare at Cha. Cha: What? I don't have a problem! Crush: But you shelved those guys months ago. What are they doing with BAMF OMJ. OMJ: Shouldn't they be in the locker? The scene switches to Davy Jones' Locker in the Spin-Off Section, which is being guarded by Community Cashier, CNF. CNF: Welcome to Davy Jones' Locker spinoff storage, you big, bad booty bitches! Where free space is always available just as long as you don't waste it. OMJ: You're one to talk. CNF: Why hello there, Pot! I'm fucking Kettle! CNF takes them to OMJ's locker, which is filled to the brim with old, discarded and unfinished works and ideas. OMJ: Shit son, I didn't know I gave up on so much shit. CNF: Your locker became so cramped as all fuck, that we had to give you a fucking big ass locker! But luckily, your stupid badass ass came in the other day to withdraw some of your unfinished pieces of shit to an undisclosed location! OMJ: Where? CNF: FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! To the uninhabited Hawaiian fucking Island of Kaho'olawe of course! Cha: Oh, I love Kaho'olawe! I went there during my last island vacay! CNF: It's an ideal location because no fool would be allowed to read any of your shit over there! So for your own good and mine, stay the fuck away from Unfinish Island! Now, FUCK OFF! CNF bans them from Davy Jone's Locker and they find themselves on OMJ's home island of Oahu. OMJ surveys the scenery off the coastline. OMJ: There it is, Kaho'olawe! Out there in the open. Crushing: But OMJ, you heard CNF. It's an ideal location so no fool- Cha: Well this fool dares to dare. And I could always use a bit more color OMJ pulls out the Mallet of Doom™. OMJ: With Imposter SOF's Mallet of Doom on me side, there's no way BAMF OMJ could out badass me! The mallet breaks in half down the middle. Cha: Did I mention that I read Post Fiction a few times and broke it? OMJ: OMJ arms himself with a few Spy Buddy guns, Karate Chopper throwing stars, Goofy Goober spell books and Jellyfish Hunter staffs from S(lums)BU then gets in BadBob CoolPants' custom-made boat rod. OMJ: Fuckin A The boatmobile suddenly explodes on him. Cha: I get bored when everybody's asleep OMJ: Crush: Don't you still have pew pew eye lazors? OMJ fires a few eye lazors at Cha. OMJ: Yup, still do! Cha: Haha. OMJ: And with the skills I've acquired in both SBC Rising and SBC Wrestling, that makes me a goddamn badass in my own right amirite Cha & Crushing: ... OMJ: Amirite Cha: You're a bald kid, Zinc. A baaaaaald kid After being insecure about his hairline compared to BAMF OMJ's, OMJ, Cha and Crushing make their way over to Unfinish Island by way of the S.S. SBC. OMJ: Don't get your hopes up, folks They disembark and finally step foot on Unfinish Island. Cha: Good idea posting a status update about us arriving at Unfinish Island, Crushing OMJ: You what? Crushing: I'm just hoping it'll spark up some active discussion, but they shouldn't take my word for it. OMJ: Alright, lets just find our peeps and be on our merry way. Sauce, Clappy, Aya, Jelly, Sex & Omar: JENKINS! OMJ: AYA, SAUCE, AYA, CLAPPY, AYA, JELLY, AYA, SEX, AYA- uhhhh... Omair: Omair OMJ: AYA! Sauce: Oh my Dean has arrived! But my much more swole Dean brought me here in the first place. Oh I am so conflicted! Clappy: I saw you lurking this island for a while now and only now you find us? OMJ: Right and this is all just a sweet wet dream! A very long and orgasmic one. Clappy: Well I guess that makes sense. Aya: Needs a bit more Jake Gyllenhal here and there but I'll bite. Jelly: Jes, dats me! Sauce: Well, that explains why there's two OMJ's, one being considerably more swole than the other, but is this the part of my dreams where you and Cha belittle me in front of everybody? Sex: Me stuck in a cage with all y'all? Sweet wet dreams are made of these, who am I to disagree? Omair: And I'm having one of those sweet wet SBC/M dreams where I kill everyone again! But why are you all still alive? OMJ blasts Aya's cage open with one of his eye lazors and carries her onto the boat. OMJ: Quick guys, before BAMF OMJ finds us! Clappy: Hey, what about us? Aren't you forgetting us? Blah blah! Blah! Blah blah blah! Blah BLAHHH! Sex: Bruh, it's the herpe ain't it?! Well I can assure you it ain't contagious, much Everybody in the cage steps away from Sex. Sex: Well I don't call myself Dr. Sex just because I had my username legally changed to it Aya pushes herself out of OMJ's arms. Aya: Not even in my wildest wet dreams, old boy. OMJ: OMJ frees everybody else. OMJ: Now go back to the community and write all about this dream in the What'd You Last Dreamt About thread. Like nao! Clappy, Jelly, Sauce, Aya, Sex and Omair all get on the S.S. SBC. Omair: See you in my next wet dream? OMJ: no. The kidnappees disembark for the community, but they hit an iceberg and sink on the way there. OMJ: Well, I think that went better than expected. A furry behemoth sneaks over unseen and catches them by surprise. Cha: Hey, it's Sandy from that Desperately Searching Sandy spinoff you didn't finish OMJ: Hey, no fair! That was initially Clappy's thing. Sandy: Where am I, Jenkins? WHERE AM IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII?! 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
E.V.I.L. Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 I love how you use my avatar instead ofmy actual face because that avvie is just so me in that picture. xD 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpongeOddFan Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 I loved how you dud FOP parody with SBC style. nice job, OMJ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crushingmayhem Posted October 26, 2014 Share Posted October 26, 2014 Great job man, I'm starting to like this. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metal Snake Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 That was pretty nice! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Jenkins Posted November 3, 2014 Author Share Posted November 3, 2014 Part DosThe following program you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein...except maybe...BAMF OMJ, but he's a badasshole... ...Anyway, IT'S JUST POSTS! BAMF OMJ: Now it's time for part número dos of my totally badass, totally motherfuckin evil one-sided revenge scheme! BAMF OMJ busts out some five second poses, his muscles tearing his tank top at the last second. Sandy: Where am I, Jenkins? WHERE AM IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII?! Cha: Why, you're on the uninhabited Hawaiian Island known as Unfinis- Sandy backhands Cha the fuck away and sending her flying a few hundred feet before crashing hard against a coconut tree and plopping onto the sand below. Crushing: Charick?! Cha: Pat...rick... Sandy: Alright Old Man Jenkins, now you'll get yours! OMJ tries to make a run for it, but Sandy catches him by the pants. OMJ: SANDY! PLEASE! STOOOOP! Sandy: I'm gonna tear your ass up! Flapjacks... The scene switches to BadBob CoolPants from "BadBob CoolPants" and BAMF OMJ just a short distance away further down the beach as OMJ screams bloody murder. They're wearing their matching T-Rolls leather jackets. That's right, it's time for a vintage OMJ musical number. BAMF OMJ: ♪Stranded on Unfinish Island, being viewed by only fools. I guess you can say♪ BadBob: ♪This is fuckin uncool. Sandy, can't you see? I'm in misery♪ OMJ is shown still getting dildo'd by Sandy in the background. BAMF OMJ: ♪You made a start, now we're apart. There's nothing left for me♪ BadBob: ♪Love has flown♪ BAMF OMJ: ♪All alone. I sit and wonder why-y-y oh why you left me♪ BadBob: ♪Oh Sandy♪ They strike a pose in sync in front of the setting sun, the sun's dying rays shining down on them as Sandy power bombs OMJ down a hole. The dildo lands next to him so he grabs hold of it. OMJ: Stay back, Sandy, I'm warning ya! OMJ: k I warned ya! OMJ throws the dildo at her. Crushing: Are you still active? Crushing tumbles down into the hole next to OMJ. Crushing: Que pasa Sandy pounces in on them and they scream as she goes ugly on an ape on them. BAMF OMJ: ♪Oh Jenky, bubu! You said that someday, when high-igh school is done!♪ BadBob: ♪Somehow, someway our two worlds will be one, IN HEAVEN♪ BAMF OMJ: ♪FOREVER and ever we will be♪ BadBob: ♪Oh please, say you'll stay oh Sandy♪ They both take a seat on the sand, staring out at the horizon. Clapwald and Ayaeenie are seen behind them, Ayaeenie trying to get Clapwald's attention by doing tricks for him. BadBob: Sandy, my darlin, you hurt me real bad BAMF OMJ: And Jenky too BadBob: But buby, you gotta believe me when I say BAMF OMJ: I'm less badass without you BadBob: ♪Love has flown!♪ BAMF OMJ: ♪All alone! I sit and wonder why-y-y OH WHY you left me♪ BadBob: ♪Oh Sandy♪ BAMF OMJ: ♪Jenkyyy!♪ BadBob: ♪Sandyyyy! Why-y-yyyy♪ Clapwald finally wants to hug Ayaeenie after looking to his right and his left then his right again, but Ayaeenie decides she'd rather drown herself in the ocean than embrace her owner because grease reference. BAMF OMJ: Oh Jenky. BadBob: that turned out more boss than I pictured it. BAMF OMJ: Came out a bit bobbed, but it sure was a big tickle daddy-o. OMJ gets flung into the sand near them with a purple blunt object inserted in his posterior. BAMF OMJ: Well lookity-loo, if it ain't admiral pussywhip throwaway! As you can see, I'm B-B-B-B-B-B- *picks up and slaps OMJ awake* BACK, in the flesh even! Sandy approaches them, holding Crushing by his neck in one hand and Cha by her hair in the other. BadBob: SANDY! Sandy: These three varmints were seen crossing over the border from Squaresville! BAMF OMJ: I'll be takin this. BAMF OMJ grabs OMJ's ipad right from under him. BAMF OMJ: Yoink. AHAHAHA- not badass. OMJ: I ain't afraid of you, mother fucker! Sandy takes out the dildo. OMJ: But her I'm afraid of. BAMF OMJ: Now with this, I can totes write out your totally rigged SBCyou're a pussyCourt trial! BAMF OMJ opens up a page on OMJ's ipad and whisks them all into SBC Court. BAiliffMF OMJ: ALL RISE! The dishonorable, BAMF OMJudge, presiding! BAMF OMJudge: Order! pussy Order! I'll be your judge, jury, executionerpussy, bailiff, prosecutor, and by all means, executioner for today's proceedings. BAMF OMJudge: Viagra Man Jenkins, how do you plea?pussy OMJ: I- Paperboy BAMF OMJ: Old Man Jenkins, pussy! Cha: The trial's not over yet Paperboy BAMF OMJ: I'll be back in ten pussy minutes. Prosecutor BAMF OMJ: OMJ, is it true that you left this badass mofo right here behind to rot in the anals of ancient community history. OMJ: Yus Prosecutor BAMF OMJ: And is it true that you acted against your much better and totes much more badass judgement when you saved your e-family, e-friends and your back up e-friends, who toss you out like one piece of doo doo paper, and not even even the regular ripple brand for sure, from being left to rot under similar circumcisions? OMJ: *stances. Prosecutor BAMF OMJ: The prosecution stands, your dishonor. Cha returns from OMJ's ask thread, asking if he really feels that way. Cha: Your dishonor, I may just be a simple jester/cowboy/cross-dresser/principal/scoutmaster, but I think BAMF Zinc is missing the point. How was OMJ supposed to know he would be leaving a part of himself behind when- Prosecutor BAMF OMJ: Objection, your honor! BAMF OMJudge: Cha overruled! He proceeds to photoshop a closed zipper on Cha's mouth to keep her silent, but she unzips it anyway. Cha: Your dishonor He photoshops a steel plate over her mouth next. BAMF OMJudge: Daddy's gotta pay bills bitch so you better stop spittin, foo Crushing: Your dishonor, if I could maybe speak out of turn and say BAMF OMJudge: You see this, Crushing? You see dat post? Crushing: Yes, I see it, but I may just be seeing things since- BAMF OMJudge: Do you wanna reply to dat post? Crushing: Yes, I would like to reply to it but- BAMF OMJudge: Then go reply to your heart's content because you Puerto Ri-CAN! Andale andale! He tosses the post off screen and Crushing chases after it in order to reply to it. Prosecutor BAMF OMJ: Why thank you, your dishonor, and might I say you're looking quite cherrily badass this evening. BAMF OMJudge: OH U Prosecutor BAMF OMJ: U HO BAMF OMJudge: Whatchu doin later? Prosecutor BAMF OMJ: Oh, just fucking this pussy hard is all! BAMF OMJudge: Well don't let me interrupt ya! Prosecutor BAMF OMJ: Now OMpussyJ, how's it like to be all by yourself now? No family, no friends, not even back up friends both here and in life? OMJ: I- Prosecutor BAMF OMJ: Objection! Wait your turn, pussy. I mean look at you then, and look at you now. It's pathetic-lexic! You used to be that guy, dat bonafide badass right there and now you're nothin but an afterthought, a whipping boy trying to suit the needs of a bunch of fuckin strangers. You changed. You neutered yourself I'm your fucking balls that you left behind, mang! Lets take a look here...you have the intrusive fool there and her many obsessions to write home from the doctor's about. You've got some easily manipulated guy who thinks he's worth more than what he really is, except maybe trouble, whose known you for years but still can't quite understand ya. You've got the bowl of sauce who actually likes the same stupid shit you do, but is it for the right reasons? Mehbeh she wants a lil somethin-somethin, I'm just sayin! You've got some clapper always trying to get the one-up on you, from post counts to writing, but we sure stick it to em everytime anyway! And now he's overlord powers that be to get some poor sap to win the scary art contest for em lol Then there's the jell jam who we just find too much damn fun to mess with, the greek soccer geek who only expects a goddamn microphone out your ass and the llama. Oh dat llama and his winter and snow, which you do not know, that he shovels in your face every waking day. If it were me, POW straight to Alaska! Then it's all pau, shishi nainai, put to bed at 6:30 on the east coast! And last but not least, the ex-bubu friend with girly parts, or at least we think has girly parts, who used you up , threw you out like it was nothin, sees you as nothin but a cheap laugh, horndogged other guys and put your looks down, treats you like nothin while shifting that effort to those sponge buddies of her's, using you as shock value the moment you two first got on chat as a means of what, leaving an impression on everybody there then ditches you likes she's 2good for your shit. Invites you on chat to what, have fun fun with everybody else and ignore you. I should know, I've been forced to watch you have fun fun for three years. You know that Smitty's her new NÚMERO UNO and you know why it's cuz he's NUMBER ONE and speaks Japanese, next to the new FIVE at least. Can't even ask you about your day after you ask about her's. That's a blatant disregard of ask thread etiquette, been an unwritten rule since day one. Then again, that's what you get for getting ourselves in an online relationship instead of just bagging and gagging like with Blondie, Crush can trust on dat shit! Crush: But don't take my word for it. BAMF OMJ: Is this why you fuckin write all this shit that appeals to her, appeals to them, shit that you know they'd like cuz it gives you dat gratification that mehbeh you're not just dust in the wind. Like, writing the SBM Five into deathmatch and all dat other SBM shit most people here don't know and couldn't care about, all the Sauceisms pertaining to Sauce like Momo and her Pa, wrestling and SBCinema for the Clap dat shit. Fuckin pathetic. Cuz you know that's all you got with them is your shitty stories and nothin else because things feel too awkward with moose, it feels like a game of one upsmanship with claps, it always feels like a losing battle with cookie and chaz, and everybody else just wants you to cut your shit. If it were me, this all wouldn't even be a fuckin factor. Everybody loved me back in 2011. OMJ: If it were you, I'd probs be banned back in 2011. BAMF OMJ: What? We did it at the Refuge, at gamespot, why not here?! What makes this shithole so special? You've got the Clappy, Sauce and Jelly's moving on ahead in life without ya. The Cha's and Aya's who replace ya, and with SBMers, another Jenkins and a breakfast pastry of all people, so not badass! And everybody else in between who don't think you're worth the time or day and probs still see you as dat Fan Five asshole from last year still. Sure sounds familiar, doesn't it? They dropped you like a bad habit, like you dropped me like a bad habit. They steal our vernacular and try to make it their own, "mang". I say fuck em! I'm doing them a service and doing good by you too, Old Man, don't try fightin. You know, there ain't nothin funnier than an outdoor cat thinking he's an indoor cat but at the same time, there ain't nothin sadder! Except maybe an outbreak of plague, but I think that's too soon. Story of our life. As it is on earth, so shall it be online. OMJ: You don't know the first thing about friendship, BAMF Mang. You always burn those bridges before they even get the chance to make it to the other side. BAMF OMJ: That may be, but why go through all the pains of real life online. You gotta learn to love yourself before doin all dat shit, so cum on, lay some love back on me punky bu-ster! We like family, fuck, I'm based off family! OMJ: Hell nah! I left that side of me behind for a reason, and I'm not letting you back in now mang. Not after all this good time away- BAMF Juror: JANKINS, PUSSY! Oooh, I fuckin called dat shit BAMF OMJ: The jury of your literal peers has reached their verdict! Old Man Jenkins, I hereby dub thee a PUSSY and sentence you to a fight to the death against your totally badass self in none other than the Deathmatch Arena after which you'll be thrown away, like you had thrown me away into Forumotion! Represented here by the totes metaphorical Dolphin v5 skin. OMJ: Not if I kill you first! OMJ fires his pew pew eye lazors at BAMF OMJ's judge podium, blasting him back into the wall. The imposter BAMF OMJs try to attack but OMJ blasts them all away with his eye lazors as well. OMJ approaches the rubble, but BadBob's boat rod comes speeding into the court room and sends OMJ flying into the jury box. BadBob: Now aint the time to be fracturing, or you be cruisin for a bruisin. Get up, daddy-o, lets flat out outta here! BAMF OMJ emerges from the rubble and pushes BadBob out of the driver's seat. BAMF OMJ: Clyde, call shotgun. BadBob: Whatever, lets just ditch this scene and this fream. BAMF OMJ: Aloha to dat! BAMF OMJ puts OMJ's ipad on the dash and sets the course for SBM. BadBob: Next stop, Squaresville! Riptrack: HAHA! They peel off, leaving behind some rubber. Cha: Heh, I see what you did there Crushing and Cha comes pedaling in on a two-seater after riding through OMJ's ask thread to ask if he really feels like that again. OMJ: I'm right here you know Cha: Well do you, you fu- OMJ: Sometimes, but not...recently... Cha: -nny guy Crushing: Guys, we must make haste but feel free to take your time if you must. Cha: They're heading over to SBM, we have to stop them! OMJ: Why, what has that place ever done for me? Cha: Aya's there. OMJ: Well Chaz, kindly GTFoolO! OMJ picks her off the two seater and throws her to the side. OMJ: Lets put the pedal to the medal, crush! Crush: I don't know, am I understanding you right now? OMJ: Crush: This is why I don't do humor. They pedal out of the courthouse and give chase to those badasses. French Narrator: Ah, SpongeBuddy Mania. Home of the #1 SpongeBoOOOOOO- *gets roadkilled* Riptrack: Haha! Way to leave a patch on that Hodad, cool cat! BadBob: See any skirts we can cop up a feel Riptrack: Im seein' nothin but skuzzes and sweat hogs. BadBob: Where's all the motherfuckin foxes at when you need em?! Riptrack: Turn up the tunes, hep cat! BadBob turns up the radio for them to listen. Ssj: Hey, hey, hey! It's ssj! Abney: And Ole Armor Ab! Ssj: Here on SBM.5 The Clam! Abney: Your #1 source for your You Wont Get Away With Stealing My Car hits! Ssj: How's about we check in on our first commenter, our first-time commenter to be precise, OMJ! Abney: (biohazard symbol)! Ssj: Whats on your mind, brotato?! BAMF OMJ: Yeah hey, I wanted to know if you guys could play "Living in the Sunlight, Loving in the Moonlight" by Tiny Tizim? Abney: Well, we here at The Clam usually just stick to the show production music. Ssj: But since you sound more badass than usual, this one goes out specially to you, BAMF!♪I'm so happy! Haha! Happy to lucky me! I just go my way, living each and everyday! BAMF OMJ: Oh you guys are just too much! But if I could ask just one more thing? Ssj: Shoot! BAMF OMJ: You know, it's funny you say that because- penis for your thoughts? A crashing noise can be heard as Ssj and Abney scream.♪I don't worry! Worrying don't agree! Things that bother you, never bother me! Ssj: AAAAHHHH Abney: That can't be real! Tell me he did not just do that?! ♪Things that bother you never bother me! I feel happy and fine, aha! Living in the sunlight, loving in the moonlight! Having a wonderful time!♪ BAMF OMJ: Come on, you guys act like you haven't played with your balls all your fuckin lives! I know RSF and Trophy has! Abney: Our filters! They're not filtering BAMF OMJ: Oh get a grip, you act like you don't see this thing whenever you take a piss! You do pee, right? Or does that make your stomach churn too, because that's called taking a shit. Abney: AAAHHH- Abney goes silent. BAMF OMJ: It's human fuckin nature, it's how we're made! If you can't appreciate the marvels that are human genitalia, then you obviously have more issues than I do, bubu. Ssj: Why?! Why are you doing this?! BAMF OMJ: Because you watch TNA on Wednesday night. Ssj: Six sides >- Ssj goes silent now. BAMF OMJ: I interrupt your regularly scheduled overused joke to bring you this important all points bulletin, dese nuts BAMF OMJ: So uh, bang bang skeet skeet niggas. That is all. OMJ and Crushing finally make it to SBM to find it in a state of disarray. OMJ: Oh, that's real nice. Crushing: But still pretty bad. Users were thinking about leaving the place, others users were thinking about thinking about leaving the place, some users proclaimed themselves king of the castle and everybody else a dirty dog pile, a lot were just spamming emotes, some were riding Mr Enter's dick, some were getting on Mr Enter's dick, one was being nostalgic for 90s/early 00's forum attacks, one was calling people homophobic, fascist, British, gay, liberal, right wing, anti-Semites, two were still going on about sports like nothing, a fad was started by all of this and the chat was still filled to the brim, Cha and BAMF OMJ being two of them in there. OMJ: How the fuck did he she make it here before us? Cha: And Zinc said that escape pod to the chat was a lame ass idea Crushing: Hey, there's a new podcast up. I wonder if my well thought out and long list of thoughtful complaints regarding SBC activity made it on the air this time. BAMF OMJ: Looks like we have time for one more commenter! Alright, you're on OMJ.5 Dat Ass! Comment away. Sjj: Yeah, I was just wonderin mmm...how long do you take a shower for? BAMF OMJ: Ssj, if you wanted to penis for my thoughts, you should've just asked Ssj: No, NO! Please WAIT NOOOOHOHOOHOHOOOO! BAMF OMJ: Decked up on our playlist for this happy hour, we have Dick In A Box and Jizz In My Pants by The Lonely Island, The Basement Song by The Bluetones, Breakfast Pastry by Janitors Against Apartheid, I'm Leavin' by Outsidaz, and for all you SpongeBoppers, The SpongeBob Theme as sung by Richard Cheese. But up next, firmly grasp your dicks or coochies and take pleasure in the smooth sounds of this sponge ballad by The Flaming Lips! So don't touch dat dial, Bu-ster Baxter. SpongeBob and Patrick Confront the Psychic Wall of Energy starts to play now. Crushing: Oddly fitting, don't you think? But sorta kills the mood for my taste. OMJ: Lets just go into the chat and get this over with already. OMJ and Crushing ride over to the chat, but suddenly Secret Shin & Kevin NG: ASIANS TO THE RESCUE! Crushing: ABANDON THREAD! Crushing yells out, hopping off the bike and skidding along the ground while OMJ gets caught up by their trap. OMJ plummets into the chat and gets greeted by the many SBMers in there, who all only turn out to be his unfinished creations. OMJ: AHHH! The chat transforms into the Deathmatch Arena on Unfinish Island OMJ: AAHHH! Clapwald: Gosh Ayaeenie! Can you believe we're actually about to commentate a real love deathmatch? Ayaeenie: Um, I'm a fuckin dog. Cha: Why are you two even here anyway? BAMF OMJ: What? You think he's the only Jenkins who likes a lil blue octopuss every once in a while? Crushing: So was all this just some elaborate trap to get OMJ into the arena? Because if so, the execution may had been a little messy but it went good nonetheless. Ayaeenie: I'll show you an execution that's a lil messy but good nonetheless... Cha: I ship Craya Ayaeenie: Oh there will be a cryer tonight...you... Crushing: Clapwald: Like the guy next to the groom, they both claim to be THES BEST MAN! Cha: To the gentlemen, they're Miss Fortune! Crushing: To the ladies they're Sir Prize. Ayaeenie: I have a surprise tonight...for you... Crushing: Clapwald: But call on them by any name, anyway one of them will be Clapwald'd tonight, on Community Deathmatch! BAMF OMJ: Lets just skip all the stank, not cool rigmarole. OMJ, you'll be going one on against your's truly, Skodwarde, BadBob CoolPants, Ihavedahswag, Sandy muchacho, The Killer Krab and The Pink Guy himself PatBack! OMJ: Why are you against me? You're a part of Deathmatch and that's still ongoing. PatBack: Well I just think YOU'RE A FAGGOT! Crushing: Tensions sure are flaring down there, folks. Ayaeenie: There's some tension flaring in my buns for...you... Crushing: Cha: Hey, that's no fair! This is too one-sided BAMF OMJ: Foolio up there has a point, good eye muchacha. Cha: I do what I can BAMF OMJ: Throw in Mermaid Man from Champion of the Deep and The Director from Supercommunity! onto our side as well! Cha: BAMF OMJ: Fine! Jenky poo can bring along some creations he actually finished on his own terms or are otherwise still running, if there are any He pulls up OMJ's actually finished and still ongoing creations. BAMF OMJ: And taking on the Badass Motherfuckers alongside pussywhip ding dong Farmer Brown over there are SBC V9 Oceans from My Life as a SpongeBob Community, Patrick Star from The Secret Box, Slippery Soap from Slippery Smooth and them Rechid Boys from Break A Leg! OMJ: Is this really all I got going for me? Slippery: tbh dude, you can be fuckin way in over your head sometimes Fred: Yeah, you're lucky my boys and I hate CNF more since he bought our rights. Patrick: Same with Cha, and she didn't even buy mine! BAMF OMJ: Any last requests, pussies? Oceans whips out her banhammer/laser cannon ensemble. Oceans: Don't make me get default on all your asses! Them Rechid boys show off their melee capabilities a lil. Fred: I'm going to break...YOUR FACE! Tommy: Sorry to pop your bubble, boys, but somebody's gonna pick your cherries off one by one and pop em. And it's gonna be me! Monroe: I was voted most likely to kick ass in high school! Patrick: I've got a secret for you right here! Patrick: It's your heads in my box! OMJ: Dude... Slippery bubbles himself up. Slippery: I'm gonna wipe the floor with you and clean house! OMJ: And this looks like a job for a goddamn hero. Crushing: Which street corner do I have to go on just to get a hot dog around here. Ayaeenie: And who's leg do I have to hump to get your attention around here...you...you can slap on some of your mayo and eat me out all you want, bic boi. Ayaeenie pulls Crushing to the ground. OMJ: Dude, we rock! The battle lines are drawn, referee Elastic comes out to officially start the war. Elastic: Well then lets get it on! The opposing sides charge at each other with everything they got. OMJ: AHHHH! BAMF OMJ: AAAHHH! OMJ: AAAAHHHH! BAMF OMJ: AAAAAHHHHH! OMJ: AAAAAAHHHHHH! BAMF OMJ: AAAA-battle cries, bonafide badass-AAAAAHHHHHHH! OMJ: Fuck, we suck! BAMF OMJ and his cronies lol at them as they're about to be locked away in Dolphin forever. Tommy: What do you mean "we"? BAMF OMJ: Dont worry, Jenky. The Kip will be kept nice and warm with me, a man. A biiiiiiiiig , strong man Jenkins BAMF OMJ taunts, flexing his pecs. OMJ: Thats just fucking dirty. Take the one love I have left and subject her to your subjugation. BAMF OMJ: And think nothing of the rest of the community. I reckon we have about just enough to purchase overlord for a day, with which I shall declare myself SBC's bonafide daddy, bubu, and using the MOD POWER DECLARED UNTO ME, well, connect the dots. Cha: What do you plan on doing, BAMF Zinc OMJ: He's gonna use the mod powers to fuck with everybody's posts, having everybody at each other's throats and watch as everybody kill each other in the wake of all the chaos and paranoia. I did it to take down the Anti-Troll Police union on gamespot. BAMF OMJ: It's a fuckin mystery why they sell these sorts of things all willy nilly here, but it's goshdang cherry to a guy like me! Crushing: At least it'll pick up activity a bit. Negative events like these seem to have that positive impact on the forum. Monroe: You know, now that he's got us thrown into obscurity, I feel as if I'm not liking OMJ much either. Fred: Being owned by CNF doesn't sound all too bad now. BAMF OMJ: You don't like the lil fucker too? Well come on out! He plucks the Rechid Boys out from the Dolphin skin. Cha: I never plan on ever reading any of you again! BAMF OMJ: Anywho, toodle-loo muthafuckaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAs. Crushing: They may dislike you, but they sure do love each other. OMJ: You're right, I'm the common enemy that binds them together. Wait! If y'all keep me locked up in this Dolphin skin, you'll lose the one thing y'all have in common, a great hatred of me! Cha: And although everybody felt lonely and incomplete, look at all the friends you have now! BAMF OMJ: Well, we all do love this island and we all really can't stand admiral pube chin over there. I mean, I don't, do any of you? Yeah, right. STILL, we live in straw huts and eat coconuts for breakfast, lunch and din din. So fuckin stereotypical, I bet Sex would have a field with dat shit. OMJ: What would you do if I say that I can make it all better? All I need is my ipad back, and my pants Skodwarde: COWABUNGA KIPSIE! Kipsie: *purr purr* mew Imposter OMJ: What'll it be, bitch? The Old Moldy Jalapeño Burger, The Give OMJ A Knuckle Sandwich or my personal favorite, The I Hate OMJ (No) Surprise (There)? And instead of tip, you can just kick me in the balls! BAMF OMJ & Imposter OMJ: Pfffft, what balls?! They laugh for a bit before BAMF punches the imposter in the face. Imposter OMJ: Knuckle Sandwich it is then! Cha: Gee Zinc, it sure was nice of you to make a new chat oasis and a bunch of imposter OMJ's to do work for BAMF Zinc and his cronies. I think they like it, almost as much as they dislike you OMJ: Yeah, well, whatever makes myself happy I guess. Didn't expect it to become the new number one Hawaiian vacation destination tho. The S.S. SBC pulls in to shore, dropping off a bunch of users and tourists. Crushing: And with plenty of activity too. Perhaps I should move over to here. Ayaeenie: You aight there, bic boi? Plenty of sexual activity where...you...are goin. Crushing: Well, it's some form of activity you know what I'm saying Crushing says before heading to the snack stand with Ayaeenie. OMJ: Even he wants to stay here! OMJ receives a question. Omair: Everyone except me, I can't do anything over 40 degrees! It's not really my thang lel? OMJ: Well, at least someone likes me. Meanwhile in the Philippines, Someone spontaneously bashes her head against her keyboard. Cha: See! I told you she'd do it! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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