Cha

So no radioactive ants, falling in an acid factory and dipped in a vat of acid that is hit by an alien spaceship, carrying them on the wave during a solar eclipse on a leap year. precariously careening them to a bomb testing site where a cataclysmic explosion exposes our heroes to toxic radium gases, then as fate would have it, a neon-plaid lightning bolt zaps them, and through centrifugal and electromagnetic turbulence, causes a powerful earthquake deep in the jungle two-thousand miles away,...

consequently unearthing a magical crystal with wings that flies to our heroes' exact location, and, powered by super gamma energy currents, pilots them to open skies until, not paying attention, the crystal clips the top of a billboard, flinging the two back to their apartment miraculously unharmed? You can't get superpowers from that??

Ok, your name is... nevermind.