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JCM

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Posts posted by JCM

    SBC-TV News

    in Bulletin Board

    Posted

    um, yeah I guess :P with a lot of enthusiasm now and then lol, but I feel I kind of speak differently in Spanish..IDK

    Oh, I didn't know you were of Spanish descent. Doesn't make your voice work any less impressive, however.

    Also, I just noticed that my post about not being in SBC News again got into this SBC News. I'm not sure if that was intentional, but it's still awesome. :cool:

    Last Thing You Bought?

    in Robot-Pirate Island

    Posted

    What: Sony Surround Sound/3D Blu-ray Player (6 speakers)

    Where: Best Buy

    How Much: $500

    What: Rocketfish™ - 4' Digital Optical Audio Cable

    Where: Best Buy

    How Much: $25

    What: Pulp Fiction [blu-ray]

    Where: Best Buy

    How Much: $15

    What: Transformers: Dark of the Moon [blu-ray]

    Where: Best Buy

    How Much: $30

    What: Final Destination [blu-ray]

    Where: Best Buy

    How Much: $10

    Total: ~$633

    And I didn't spend a single penny. ;)

    What? How? I want in on this! :o

    JCMovies

    in Davy Jones' Locker

    Posted

    JCM Crashes a Party While the Grim Reaper Fudges Up Again

    (ExKizuna stands in front of a mansion's door and checks his watch. He looks up to find JCM dressed like a fairy and staring at him.)

    ExKizuna: Can I help you?

    JCM: I'd like to go into teenj's party. You'll see that my costume more than befits the requirements. (curtsies)

    ExKizuna: teenj's fairy godmother is not on the list.

    JCM: I'm not teenj's fairy godmother! I'm JCM, the manliest man on any list!

    ExKizuna: You're not on this list. Sorry.

    JCM: What?

    ExKizuna: Just kidding. I'm not sorry. Get the fuck away from me.

    JCM: Well, since you said you were kidding... (walks in)

    (EXKizuna grabs JCM and throws him into space. An asteroid hits the mansion a few seconds later, and JCM jumps out of it.)

    JCM: Remember, kids: Always be prepared!

    teenj12: Thanks for breaking my roof, asshole.

    JCM: No problem. Say, where's the food?

    teenj12: Security!

    (ExKizuna grabs JCM and throws him into the pits of Hell. JCM comes back out a few seconds later.)

    ExKizuna: How did you get out of there?

    JCM: I gave the devil your soul in exchange for a safe return.

    ExKizuna: You did what? (a giant red hand comes out of the ground and drags a screaming ExKizuna back in with it)

    (JCM walks into the mansion and takes a shrimp from the punch bowl.)

    JCM: Wow, this shrimp is bigger than my Aunt Mary's bunions!

    teenj12: That's beautiful. Why the fuck are you still in here?

    JCM: Nothing can keep me away from a good party. You hear me, home skillet fresh buns?

    teenj12: Does anyone happen to have a gun I can borrow?

    Sara: Help! The baby's coming!

    JCM: The stork called? Oh, no!

    Sara: Stork? What the fuck are you talking about?

    JCM: The stork babies come from! Duh!

    Sara: I don't have time for your shit, JCM! Somebody call a doctor!

    JCM: A doctor can't do anything! Don't worry! I'll run the stork, since you're obviously too gigantic to run three inches right now.

    Sara: Once the baby's out, I'm going to fucking kill you!

    (JCM runs to a creek, where he finds a stork drinking water.)

    JCM: Stork! Do you have Sara's baby?

    Stock: Caw! Caw!

    JCM: Caw! Caw! Caw! Yes? Let's go!

    (At the party, CF delivers Sara's baby just as that70sguy92 and JCM run in. JCM is holding the stork, which is pecking his eyes out.)

    JCM: I got the-ow!-stork-ow!-guys.

    Sara: You're going to be a great nurse, CF.

    CF: (smiles) Thank you.

    JCM: Does anybody notice me? Nobody ever notices me! (cries blood) That's it! I'm leaving town!

    that70sguy92: It's a boy, guys! (everyone cheers)

    (JCM leaves the mansion in sadness. Once he's outside, he sees ExKizuna covered in ashes and giving him an extremely dirty look.)

    JCM: Oh! Hi, Ex! You aren't taking that whole sending you to the underworld thing personally, are you?

    ExKizuna: (punches JCM, making him bleed further) No, not really. By the way, this isn't a costume party, vagina face.

    (In the underworld, the Grim Reaper attempts to explain himself.)

    Grim Reaper: I'm sorry for letting all those people slip through my fingers, boss! It won't happen again.

    Evil Underlord: First you fuck up the Apolocalypse gig, then you fuck up the Jenkins job, and now this! If you fuck up the hamster thing in the morning, you're through! You hear me, home skillet fresh buns?

    Grim Reaper: Yes, sir. (thinking) Oh well, it's only a hamster. What could go wrong?

    (That morning, the Grim Reaper transports into the home of young Billy, who's with his friend Mandy.)

    Billy: Ooh! Ooh! It's Santa! Santa Claus!

    Grim Reaper: (thinking) Oh, god.

    (The End)

    JCMovies

    in Davy Jones' Locker

    Posted

    JCM Spies on Clappy and Jelly While the Grim Reaper Texts While Driving Drunkenly Stoned

    (JCM walks into the cafeteria, grabs a tray, and approaches Jelly at the food stand.)

    JCM: A new lunch lady? Why?

    Jelly: Miss Piddlin went on a homicidal rampage! Did you really think we'd keep her?

    JCM: Come on! It's not like she was the open window maniac or anything!

    Jelly: Good point. So, what entree do you want? The peanut butter and jelly? (winks)

    JCM: I don't get it.

    Jelly: (shakes head) They never do. Here's some chili. (drops chili on JCM's plate)

    (As JCM grabs his milk, Clappy follows and talks with Jelly casually.)

    JCM: It's great to see the staff here being so friendly to each other! (sees Clappy and Jelly hug) WHAT THE? (drinks milk and spits it right out)

    Fa: (dripping with milk) You're lucky I'm on probation, assfart.

    JCM: Fa, this is terrible!

    Fa: I know. This is a twenty thousand dollar shirt.

    JCM: No! Clappy and Jelly are having a steamy love affair!

    Fa: This is me giving two shits. (draws a picture of himself holding two stinky piles of poop)

    JCM: Fa, this is serious! That's a pretty nice drawing, though.

    Fa: Thank you.

    JCM: Staff can't bed each other! That's immoral! And gross! We have to stop it from happening again!

    Fa: How does a fucktard like you you even know all this?

    JCM: They were hugging, and you don't hug a person unless you're in an intimate relationship with them!

    Fa: I'm getting the fuck away from you before I catch what you have. (runs away)

    JCM: What do you mean? Fa?

    Jelly: So, where do you want to have the meeting?

    JCM: (overhears) Oh?

    Clappy: How about City Sushi? I heard that cinya cooks up some might city sushi.

    Jelly: City Sushi sounds good.

    JCM: City Sushi, huh?

    (At City Sushi, Clappy and Jelly walk in and have a seat. JCM walks in a few seconds later and jumps into a sumo wrestler's belly.)

    cinya: (walks up to Clappy and Jelly) Hello, I shinya. You like some shitty sushi?

    Jelly: Uh, I think so.

    Clappy: Yeah, yeah we do.

    cinya: Good! (writes in pad, walks off, and comes back a few seconds later with a large platter of sushi) Here you go.

    Clappy: Should we start, Jells?

    Jelly: After you, Claps.

    JCM: Pet names!

    Sumo Wrestler: Oh shit! It's talking again!

    Servin' Up Smiles: (walks up to the sumo wrestler) Hello there! Would you like some of cinya's city sushi?

    Sumo Wrestler: Yeah, sure.

    Servin' Up Smiles: How about some smiles? They're a personal favorite of mine.

    JCM: Smiles? That sounds delicious!

    Sumo Wrestler: My belly would like some smiles.

    Servin' Up Smiles: Great! I'll be back in a minute! (writes in pad, walks off, and comes back a few seconds later with a large platter of sushi and whale lips on the side)

    Sumo Wrestler: What de fuck?

    Servin' Up Smiles: We forced a whale to smile before ripping off its lips. Wonderful, isn't it? Here's a cup of whale blubber to use as smile dressing. (holds up cup and the sumo wrestler throws up)

    cinya: Smiles! Why fat boy upchucking on floor? He hasn't even eaten shitty sushi yet!

    (Suddenly, the cup of whale blubber explodes, and an evil whale blubber monster is left over.)

    Whale Blubber: I am Whale Blubber! Fear my lipid-like wrath! (shoots fat at everyone)

    JCM: (jumps out of sumo wrestler's belly) Hey! Come back here and flavor up my smiles!

    Clappy: Whale Blubber? JCM? What de fuck?

    JCM: What de eff to you! Why couldn't you choose to eff anyone but Jelly?

    Jelly: Eff? We were discussing who to make the next nurse, you shit for brains!

    JCM: Oh. That makes a lot more sense.

    (A car crashes through the wall, and the Grim Reaper jumps out. He's tapping at his cell phone, drinking beer, and getting high off a joint all at once.)

    Grim Reaper: (points at himself) This man is an admirable driver. (ODs)

    (The End)

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