JCM

This time two weeks ago, I was on top of the world. I had just gotten my first kiss, I got to see other members of my immediate family for the first time in a year and a half, and I was starting to enjoy work again for the first time in years. I thought I could actually find some sort of happiness in my life, which has seemed unattainable for so long.

Now, that relationship that I thought might happen clearly won't, I've been fired from my job, and I've lost a member of my immediately family for the third time in five years. It's just so deflating having the possibility of happiness dangled in front of me just to have it yanked away for yet another reminder of how alone I really am in this world.

This isn't a sympathy post. I'm not about to do a fake resignation like the developer before me. I know I earn a lot of the mockery I get on SBC and Discord, particularly because I have a tendency to speak without thinking. I've made sure to get a good night of sleep (or as good of a night of sleep as my chronic insomnia and stress will allow) before typing this up, so I hope there aren't any misunderstandings:

I do care about SBC. I wouldn't still be keeping it online if I didn't. I've been here for close to ten years, and the majority of that time, SBC has been an escape from the worst parts of my reality. I'm hoping it can still be that for other people, but it isn't that for me anymore. The mockery, deserved or not, has worn me down, along with all of the RL stuff I've already elaborated on.

So, I'm taking a break. It's been a long time coming, and it's something I was planning before things went from bad to worse for me yesterday. Hopefully, I can find some happiness under this avalanche of misfortune, but I'm going to have to do it independent of SBC this time. I'll still be on Discord in general, and I'll stay on Hawk's Discord named after that Lorde song unless he deletes it or kicks me out for not paying rent, but my time on SBCCord is over, at least temporarily. I also won't be posting on the forums much, but I haven't been posting here much, anyway.

I do hope I'm back sooner rather than later, but I can't give an estimate of when that could happen. Maybe it will be a month from now, maybe a year from now, maybe this will be the last thing anybody sees from me. If something on SBC breaks, message me and I'll fix it. Otherwise, you probably won't get a response. Please don't take it personally if that happens.

See y'all later.