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JCM

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Posts posted by JCM

    JCMovies

    in Davy Jones' Locker

    Posted

    JCM Buys a Pony While the Grim Reaper Misplaces His Head

    (JCM walks into the school and sees it painted pink with decorations of ponies, unicorns, and rainbows everywhere.)

    JCM: (crying) What has happened to my wonderful school?

    (Jelly skips up to JCM.)

    Jelly: Welcome, visitor, to modern day Equestria!

    JCM: Pardon my French, but what the gosh darn heck?

    Jelly: Remember when we forced the mayor at gunpoint to establish an annual "Friendship Is Magic Day"? Well, that day is today! So me and my little ponies...

    (CF and storytime7 wave at JCM as they replace the banner with one saying "MLP Community School".)

    Jelly: ...have spent the last hour and a half making this place fantabulous! (spins around like a ballerina)

    JCM: Fantabulous? I am a man, and this school has become unmanly thanks to you and your little pooonies!

    Jelly: Why are you talking about manliness when you're walking around with dolls?

    JCM: (quickly stuffs toys into backpack) They're action figures!

    Jelly: They're barbies!

    JCM: (crosses arms) Male barbies. Manly and totally cool.

    Jelly: Come on, JCM. Watch an episode. (gives JCM a VHS) You'll love it!

    JCM: I'll watch it, but I'm pretty sure I won't love it. Also, nobody uses VHSes anymore, you old person.

    Jelly: (angrily) Just watch the fucking tape.

    (JCM watches the tape, staggers off, and comes back with several tons of MLP merchandise.)

    JCM: You're all my new friends! (moves a plastic pony around) No, it's not good enough. I need the real deal.

    (The owner of a ranch sees JCM break a pony out of one of his stalls.)

    Rancher: Hey! That's mine!

    JCM: (throws two quarters at the rancher) This should cover it! Bye! (rides back to the school on the pony)

    Rancher: Fifty cents? What is this? The goddamn 1930s?

    (JCM shows the pony to Jelly.)

    JCM: Hi, Jelly! Thanks for introducing me to that awesome show! This is Stinky. I named her that for her distinctive smell.

    Jelly: It does smell distinctive!

    (The pony snorts and Jelly walks away in disgust.)

    JCM: (singing as he feeds Stinky an animal cracker) A friend is a friend 'til the end of the end...

    (Stinky suddenly foams at the mouth and bites JCM's hand off.)

    JCM: Stinky! That wasn't nice! (looks at the pack he's holding) Oh no! These animal crackers are My Little Pony themed! I've fed Stinky her own kind!

    (Stinky hoofs down the hallway, snapping at whoever she comes across. CF and storytime run up to JCM.)

    CF: What the fuck is wrong with that horse?

    JCM: It's a pony!

    storytime7: A pony? Everything I know is a lie!

    CF: She ate the decorations!

    storytime7: She ate the banner!

    JCM: She ate my hand! She ate the rest of the animal crackers!

    CF, storytime7, and JCM: She ate Old Man Jenkins!

    OMJ: (from inside Stinky's belly) Don't worry, guys! Compared to the chewing and digestion, this stomach acid is no pro-OH GOD WHERE ARE MY FEET

    JCM: What have I done?

    (Jelly sprints out of her office with medical supplies.)

    Jelly: I'll tell you what you did! You gave that delicate creature Mad Pony Disease!

    JCM: I'm so sorry!

    Jelly: It's alright. I've always wanted to try out my veterinarian skills, anyway. (punches Stinky out and gives her a shot that makes her more beautiful than ever before)

    JCM: Wow! I guess she's not a Stinky anymore. Now she's a Not Stinky!

    Not Stinky: (wakes up) I've returned to my previous grace! And I can talk! Thank you, nurse. I will never forget you. (flies into the sky)

    JCM: I did something, too!

    Jelly: Yeah, you caused a gigantic mess that you're going to clean up. (walks away) Calling me old.

    (The Grim Reaper stops Not Stinky while she's still in the sky.)

    Grim Reaper: I demand the soul of Old Man Jenkins!

    (Not Stinky burps out OMJ's ghost, but the burp is so loud that it knocks the Grim Reaper's head right off his body.)

    Not Stinky: Ooh! Excuse me!

    OMJ's ghost: (flies down to the Grim Reaper's head) Long time no see, Grimmy! Sorry I can't stick around for long, but I have girl's locker rooms to haunt! (gives a hearty laugh as he flies out into the horizon)

    Grim Reaper: No! Once I find my head, Old Man Jenkins, you will pay! Keep on flying! I have all the time in the world!

    (The End)

    Grim Reaper: Goddamn it!

    Looks like I had to remake.

    in Krusty Towers Check-In

    Posted

    I figured just as much...

    but it bothers me having two different browsers open, especially when one of them is used exclusively for this site.

    and before you ask me why I don't just go full Chrome...

    inferior Adblock.

    Oh, now I remember why I hate this browser.

    Switching back right now.

    JCMovies

    in Davy Jones' Locker

    Posted

    JCM Teams Up With Prince Dark While the Grim Reaper Does Business

    (JCM is about to enter the school when a hand from a nearby bush grabs him.)

    JCM: Let go of me, bush! I'm going to be late to school!

    (The hand pulls JCM into the bush, and he finds himself face to face with the one and only ACS.)

    JCM: Who are you? And why does your breath smell like cow patties?

    ACS: (deep and sinister voice) My name...is Prince Dark. And I had a cow patty for breakfast this morning. They don't taste very much like beef.

    JCM: Yeah, I learned that the hard way. So, what do you want with me?

    ACS: I want you to help get me into the school.

    JCM: Why can't you just walk in?

    ACS: Because I was expelled a while back.

    JCM: Why?

    ACS: BECAUSE NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME!!111! So, you in?

    JCM: I guess so.

    (ACS crawls into JCM's backpack, and JCM continues into the school. At the restroom, he empties ACS into the sink.)

    JCM: So, why did you want to bring me here?

    ACS: So I can get revenge on the school that dared remove Prince Dark from its premises!

    JCM: How are you going to do that?

    ACS: Easy. (holds up a pin) See this pin? I plan to carefully place it on the Clapmaster's chair, blowing him up!

    JCM: (horrified) What?

    ACS: Without someone to run the school, it will have to be shut down! It's my greatest plan ever!

    JCM: I can't let you do that!

    ACS: Are you a believer in justice, my son?

    JCM: I am not your son! My father died in the American Revolution!

    ACS: How old are you?

    JCM: 115.

    ACS: Alright, then. If you believe in justice, you have to believe that I'm doing the right thing. I mean, I believe it, and I'm always right!

    JCM: Well, you do make a good argument. Fine. What do you want me to do from here?

    ACS: Just carry me into the principal's office, and I'll do everything from there.

    (ACS pulls himself out of the sink and into JCM's backpack. JCM tiptoes out of the restroom and into Clappy's office.)

    JCM: (sighs) OK. We're in.

    (ACS jumps out of JCM's backpack and scans the room. He jumps over Clappy's desk and smacks a pin right in the middle of the chair behind it.)

    ACS: There! Good work, kid...or whatever you are. I'm going to have to bounce now.

    (ACS heads for the window, but he hears footsteps and jumps into a plant instead. JCM stands by the door innocently as Clappy walks in.)

    Clappy: JCM, what's this I hear about you smuggling prostitutes into my school?

    JCM: Clappy, I wasn't-

    Clappy: I don't want to hear it. (walks to his chair) What do we look like? Some kind of... (sits down) Gah! What the fuck?

    ACS: (jumps out of plant) What? How have you not exploded yet?

    Clappy: I'm fucking magical! What are you doing in my school, ACS?

    ACS: Don't pretend like you're surprised, Mr. Clapmaster!

    Clappy: I'm Clappy now. Get the fuck out of here!

    ACS: No! Not until I have my revenge!

    (ExKizuna walks into the office.)

    Clappy: Ex! Just the vice principal/security officer I need! Please escort this dumbass out of my office.

    ExKizuna: (cracks knuckles) No problem, Clappy.

    (ExKizuna throws ACS out of the window.)

    JCM: His name was ACS?

    Clappy: Ex, please escort this other dumbass out of my office.

    (ExKizuna throws JCM out of the window. At the retirement home down the street, the Grim Reaper walks up to the receptionist.)

    Grim Reaper: Do you happen to have the soul of an Old Man Jenkins with you?

    Receptionist: Sorry. He came back to life this morning.

    Grim Reaper: Well, could you allow me to fix that?

    Receptionist: Get the fuck out.

    Grim Reaper: Yes, ma'am. (leaves)

    (The End)

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