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JCM

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Posts posted by JCM

    JCMovies

    in Davy Jones' Locker

    Posted

    JCM Spies on Clappy and Jelly While the Grim Reaper Texts While Driving Drunkenly Stoned

    (JCM walks into the cafeteria, grabs a tray, and approaches Jelly at the food stand.)

    JCM: A new lunch lady? Why?

    Jelly: Miss Piddlin went on a homicidal rampage! Did you really think we'd keep her?

    JCM: Come on! It's not like she was the open window maniac or anything!

    Jelly: Good point. So, what entree do you want? The peanut butter and jelly? (winks)

    JCM: I don't get it.

    Jelly: (shakes head) They never do. Here's some chili. (drops chili on JCM's plate)

    (As JCM grabs his milk, Clappy follows and talks with Jelly casually.)

    JCM: It's great to see the staff here being so friendly to each other! (sees Clappy and Jelly hug) WHAT THE? (drinks milk and spits it right out)

    Fa: (dripping with milk) You're lucky I'm on probation, assfart.

    JCM: Fa, this is terrible!

    Fa: I know. This is a twenty thousand dollar shirt.

    JCM: No! Clappy and Jelly are having a steamy love affair!

    Fa: This is me giving two shits. (draws a picture of himself holding two stinky piles of poop)

    JCM: Fa, this is serious! That's a pretty nice drawing, though.

    Fa: Thank you.

    JCM: Staff can't bed each other! That's immoral! And gross! We have to stop it from happening again!

    Fa: How does a fucktard like you you even know all this?

    JCM: They were hugging, and you don't hug a person unless you're in an intimate relationship with them!

    Fa: I'm getting the fuck away from you before I catch what you have. (runs away)

    JCM: What do you mean? Fa?

    Jelly: So, where do you want to have the meeting?

    JCM: (overhears) Oh?

    Clappy: How about City Sushi? I heard that cinya cooks up some might city sushi.

    Jelly: City Sushi sounds good.

    JCM: City Sushi, huh?

    (At City Sushi, Clappy and Jelly walk in and have a seat. JCM walks in a few seconds later and jumps into a sumo wrestler's belly.)

    cinya: (walks up to Clappy and Jelly) Hello, I shinya. You like some shitty sushi?

    Jelly: Uh, I think so.

    Clappy: Yeah, yeah we do.

    cinya: Good! (writes in pad, walks off, and comes back a few seconds later with a large platter of sushi) Here you go.

    Clappy: Should we start, Jells?

    Jelly: After you, Claps.

    JCM: Pet names!

    Sumo Wrestler: Oh shit! It's talking again!

    Servin' Up Smiles: (walks up to the sumo wrestler) Hello there! Would you like some of cinya's city sushi?

    Sumo Wrestler: Yeah, sure.

    Servin' Up Smiles: How about some smiles? They're a personal favorite of mine.

    JCM: Smiles? That sounds delicious!

    Sumo Wrestler: My belly would like some smiles.

    Servin' Up Smiles: Great! I'll be back in a minute! (writes in pad, walks off, and comes back a few seconds later with a large platter of sushi and whale lips on the side)

    Sumo Wrestler: What de fuck?

    Servin' Up Smiles: We forced a whale to smile before ripping off its lips. Wonderful, isn't it? Here's a cup of whale blubber to use as smile dressing. (holds up cup and the sumo wrestler throws up)

    cinya: Smiles! Why fat boy upchucking on floor? He hasn't even eaten shitty sushi yet!

    (Suddenly, the cup of whale blubber explodes, and an evil whale blubber monster is left over.)

    Whale Blubber: I am Whale Blubber! Fear my lipid-like wrath! (shoots fat at everyone)

    JCM: (jumps out of sumo wrestler's belly) Hey! Come back here and flavor up my smiles!

    Clappy: Whale Blubber? JCM? What de fuck?

    JCM: What de eff to you! Why couldn't you choose to eff anyone but Jelly?

    Jelly: Eff? We were discussing who to make the next nurse, you shit for brains!

    JCM: Oh. That makes a lot more sense.

    (A car crashes through the wall, and the Grim Reaper jumps out. He's tapping at his cell phone, drinking beer, and getting high off a joint all at once.)

    Grim Reaper: (points at himself) This man is an admirable driver. (ODs)

    (The End)

    • Like 1

    JCMovies

    in Davy Jones' Locker

    Posted

    JCM Hangs With the SpongeBuddies While the Grim Reaper Donates Blood

    (JCM walks into the janitor lounge and sees Steve Urkel eating melted cheese at a table.)

    JCM: tvguy347?

    Steve Urkel: JCMboy, me bob! I need you to get these banjos to my heterosexual companion at SpongeBuddy Middle School Registered Trademark! (takes banjos from under table and drops them) Did I do thaaat?

    JCM: Um, OK. (picks up banjos and leaves)

    Steve Urkel: This isn't melted cheese! This is yellow paint! Oh, well. (digs in)

    (JCM takes the banjos to SpongeBuddy Middle School, and he runs into Mothra there.)

    Mothra: JCM? I thought we ran you off.

    JCM: Torches and pitchforks don't faze me! I endured the Holocaust!

    Mothra: Oh, you're a survivor?

    JCM: No, a Nazi.

    Mothra: I shouldn't have asked. (walks to her classroom)

    JCM: (shrugs and turns) SBRoxMan!

    SBRoxMan: ::dolphin noise:: you!

    JCM: (shrugs and turns) RedSoxFan!

    RedSoxFan274: ::dolphin noise:: you!

    JCM: (shrugs and turns) The Dark Knight!

    Dark Knight: (gravelly) Say one more word to me and I'll chop your balls off with these bat-shaped throwing devices.

    JCM: (crying) I just want to know where tvguy's heterosexual companion is!

    Dark Knight: tvlover? He's in ssj's class.

    JCM: You mean jjs?

    Dark Knight: Who the ::dolphin noise:: is jjs?

    (JCM marches into ssj4gogita4's class while beating his banjos.)

    ssj4gogita4: (shushes him) They're having naptime.

    JCM: (loudly) Boy, do I miss naptime. Where's tvlover?

    ssj4gogita4: Please leave before I'm forced to taser you again.

    Spongey34: (over intercom) Attention, students! It's time for your daily newbreak!

    Students: (waking up) ::dolphin noise:: you, Spongey!

    JCM: Where do those dolphin chirps come from, anyway?

    ssj4gogita4: It's middle school, ::dolphin noise::tard. They come naturally.

    JCM: tvlover?

    ssj4gogita4: spongedude! God ::dolphin noise::ing ::dolphin noise:: it!

    (At spongedude's room, JCM rolls the banjos in.)

    JCM: You're with abney now?

    abney317: Nice to see you again too, butthole.

    spongedude: If you're looking for tvlover, he's with the librarian.

    JCM: You have a library?

    spongedude: No, we have a librarian.

    (At the librarian's lounge, JCM walks in on DJ Sponge and bookworm having sex.)

    JCM: tvlover?

    bookworm: Get the fuck out!

    JCM: What happened to the dolphin-

    (bookworm literally kicks JCM out of the lounge, and JCM rolls to the bathroom door.)

    JCM: Now how will I find-

    Ricky Ricardo: (opens bathroom door, knocking JCM out) Oh Lucy, I'm home! (looks down) Hey, my banjos! My heterosexual companion must have left these for me! He's getting a prooty good surprise this evening!

    (At the Red Cross down the street, the Grim Reaper walks up to the receptionist.)

    Grim Reaper: How does it look? Can I donate blood?

    Receptionist: According to our records, you're ten trillion pounds too light to donate blood.

    Grim Reaper: Am I still getting paid?

    Receptionist: Get the fuck out.

    Grim Reaper: Yes, ma'am. (leaves)

    (The End)

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