Fa

I challenge Spongebuck

*tosses horse corpse*

*tosses coleslaw*

I challenge Dirty Dan

Here's an Alternate version of my first spin-off, My Leg!, where I ripped off took inspiration from Ace Attorney and made Fred a lawyer. It was fun to revisit my teenage writings and come full circle with my spin off journey. Episode 55: What If… Fred didn’t break his leg? (An Alternate retelling of My Leg!: The Adventures of Fred the Fish) “Rev up those fryers, cause I’m sure ready for-” Fred the Fish said as he walked into the Krusty Krab. Squidward – “Sir, we’re closed. Our greaser has malfunctioned, so we can’t serve food for the time being.” “Oh nuts, that’s a real shame!” Fred said as he walked out of the Krusty Krab. Unbeknownst to everyone, this dramatically changed the course of history. The Krusty Krab continued its monopoly on the Bikini Bottom food industry, expanding into multiple franchises thanks to a healthy investment from a venture capitalist named George Gillington. Due to the greaser not working, the fryers were never tripped to flip and fry SpongeBob to a crisp. He continues in his role as head fry cook to this day, turning down multiple promotions due to wanting to “maintain work life balance” and “continue to jelly fish when I can” according to the Sponge himself. Due to wanting to spend his day counting his money, owner Eugene Krabs made Squidward Tentacles the CFO of the Krusty Foods enterprises. Due to his ego being mildly satiated, Mr. Tentacles never conspired with Plankton to close the Krusty Krab or enter the field of Criminal Law. He remains to this day “mildly mediocre” according to performance evaluations by Eugene. Fred, not having broken his leg, didn’t face the crippling healthcare system of the Bikini Bottom and was free to continue his life. Unlike those aforementioned, Fred had far less success. He remained in Bikini Bottom instead of relocating to New Kelp, but unfortunately the Not so Great Recession had begun and contracted his role as a medieval re-enactor due to widespread cuts among the humanities. He attempted a return to college, having never received a bachelor’s degree, trying to receive it in economics as he foolishly thought maybe he could stop the pain. This ended after merely one lesson: Fred - “What if we just evenly gave out money instead of letting the really rich people take it all?” The professor merely laughed at him for forty five more minutes before alerting King Neptune’s secret police force about the dissenter. Fred was arrested and re-educated, and by this I mean the tickle belt was forced on him until he recanted his idealism after two hours. He was released shortly after. Worst of all, he still had to repay his student loans in full! After the torture, Fred decided to relocate far away from any big city and it’s crushing economic realities. After receiving a letter in the mail from a “Senor Fishstic”, Fred arrived at what he believed to be Croissant Bay, a refuge for fish from the big city with small town feels. However, as he arrived he could instantly tell it was not what it seemed as the theming seemed more Mexicana than French. “Senor Fishstic” greeted him at the buoy. “Fishstic” — Hola senor, welcome to uhhh…. Oh, wrong script. Fred — What the hell? I thought this was a sophisticated island, not a siesta! I guess in fairness, Monsieur would’ve been more accurate for the French elite. “Fishstic” — Ok look, this is actually known as Karate Island but that doesn’t really attract all that many visitors so I have to shake the theming up every… now and then. Fred — This is fraud! I’m going to expose you! “Fishstic” —- Ok, look I’ll let you live here for free if you say nothing and help me recruit more vic —- err cust — VISITORS! Fred — Fine, but I am not happy about this! “Fishstic” had him sign a contract to solidify the arrangement, although Fred only scanned the big words because who reads a contract in full any more? Fred didn’t feel all that good about being a glorified tour guide, but he accepted it rather than being left out on the streets. The one really concerning thing is that people who came never seemed to leave or at least Fred didn’t see them go. Fred became a confidant of “Fishstic” (he never gave Fred his real name, so that was what he called him) so one day he felt bold enough to ask. Fred —- Mr. Fishstic sir? “Fishstic” —- Please, call me Tic. What is it my boy? Fred —- I was wondering where people go after coming here, I almost never see them leave it seems. “Fishstic” — Why, they live here of course! They live and breathe Karate after visiting… or baking…. Or geopolitical war games… Fred — But then why don’t I ever see them? “Fishstic” (looking gravely at Fred) — Why if I told you that, I’d have to kill you! (then begins to laugh manically) No I am kidding you, just don’t worry about it Freddie! Several months after this conversation…. Fred (to himself) — I still feel uneasy about everything. I don’t know how much longer I can keep this going. Fred picked up new guests from the Bikini Bottom Buoy station this morning. One was a fish dressed in a worn jacket and the other was a squirrel. ??? — Good morning sir, I’m Jack FishShoe, homicide detective. Sandy — And I’m Sandy Cheeks, Karate master. I’m assisting the detective here in a special capacity. Fred (to himself) — What an odd pairing (aloud) What are you two doing here? Jack — I’ve heard reports of people disappearing on this island and never returning. This potentially could be homicides, so we’re not holding back here. I’ve recruited Sandy here in order to ascertain if the karate here is legitimate. Fred — Well I can almost guarantee it’s not. It’s just a scam to sell people houses here, but I never see them come and go. I’m really suspicious and when I asked the boss about it, he just deflected it. Jack and Sandy appeared amazed and scared at the same time. Jack — Wow, this was really helpful and convenient of us to run into you! Can you help us arrest him? Fred — Sure, but only if you help me find a house afterwards. Sandy — Sure, you can live in the treedome! Many Hours Later…. FishShoe, Sandy, and Jack got a small arsenal of tommy guns, machine guns and several biological weapons and prepared to raid Karate Island’s main island. There was surprisingly little actual security as the moment anyone aimed a gun in the direction of any guard, they immediately surrendered. They ascended the tower and found Senor Fishstic at the top. “Fishstic” — Congratulations on ascending Gangland tower! You won a free car! Jack — What!? No, we’re not participants! I’m here to arrest you for murder! Fred — And I’m here because I’m tired of working under your shady business practices! Sandy — And I’m here to fulfill obligatory main character cameo logistics! “Fishstic” — Freddie, how could you betray me like this! Noooooooo…. But it’s too late because I have been keeping a secret from you as well. Those people aren’t being living here still… they’ve become... “Fishstic” then unzipped his costume to reveal… All three (unison) — PLANKTON! Somehow, Plankton had returned. Plankton — That’s right! After being run out of business by Krabs, I decided the only way to enact revenge was… selling timeshares on an island nobody could visit! But nobody wanted any, so I just turned them into chum instead when they got to the top of the tower instead. Jack — Truly vile! You're going downtown… after we get into the boat and get back to Bikini Bottom which is upstream but uhhm you get the idea. Plankton (chuckles heartily) — I don’t think so. Chum bots, activa- Walking out of the room behind Plankton, comes Patrick Star grasping the severed heads of multiple sophisticated robots with an enraged look on his face. Patrick — No fair, I wanted more chili! This island promised me unlimited chili and none of those robots had any in them! What a scam, I’m going home! Patrick sulks off, completely unaware of anything else actually going in the main storyline. Fred (to himself) — Why do I get the odd feeling that’s not the first time that’s happened. (aloud) Finally, it’s over. Plankton — That’s right… for you! Plankton then reveals the contract Fred signed months earlier had a very, very small print clause that says “I, Fred the fish, hereby take accountability for all the murders that took place on this island.” Jack — Welp, that’s ironclad. Looks YOUR going downtown Freddie! Fred — DEUUEAUGH, DEUUEAUGH, DEUUEAUGH, DEUUEAUGH! How could this happen to me? Poor little old me. Jack — This is a well written legal contract with no loopholes. Maybe you should’ve studied law instead. Sandy injected Fred with a nerve agent for some degree of police brutality that must occur per arrest and was fascinated by the results, having never actually done it herself. Years later, she would become known as Cheeks the Gnawer for kidnapping innocent fish to subject to experiments involving these insanity agents before eventually being caught. She was found not guilty by insanity thanks to an evil defense attorney. Fred was sentenced to life in prison, forced to eat the chum he turned “his” victims into daily as punishment. Plankton never was arrested for his crimes, but his computer wife Karen divorced him and took the Island in the settlement. These cases illustrate the immorality the criminal justice of Bikini Bottom had descended into… all because one fish did not break his leg. (Law and Order ending theme plays)

Blam!

I race against Saul Goodman

Ka Boom!

I race against Zombie Squidward

One day, steam will see another director's cut of this one too I hope

Times Like These - Paul Akna

It has been a little while for me, but most of the time I'd say an in person class. My only exception might be an asynchronous online class since it's more self paced, but it depends heavily on the subject. Synchronous online classes, especially for my education classes, was just a bad fit

Beat Chrono Trigger for the first time after 3 weeks! Lived up to the hype and then some