Steel Sponge

Hello, internet. Steel Sponge here, I am your local animation reviewer. Today, I've finally caved in. I've decided that I'm going to review the newest series from HBO Maxis, and all I can say is that it's the best thing I've seen since the Sopranos got canceled. This is my deep, earnest, emotional review of show called Tyrant. ...Or as it is known by most people, Velma. Velma is developed by former Saturday Night Live writer Charlie Grandy and it stars Mindy Kaling as the titular character. Mindy Kaling is best known for her role as Kelly Kapoor, but her subsequent appearances in shows like The Mindy Project have shown that she can be a capable actress on her own as well. Velma is an adult-animated series based on the Scooby-Doo franchise that puts the aptly-named character in the spotlight. Velma is a young woman who is raised by a single mother after her parents were brutally murdered in the Middle East. She lives her life seemingly blissfully ignorant of the fact that the world is plagued by mysterious murders taking place within her vicinity. You know, just the kind of stuff that you'd expect from an edgy reimagining of Scooby-Doo. Although Scooby-Doo doesn't make an appearance in Velma whatsoever, the other members of the mystery solving gang are there, including Shaggy, whose character is obviously inspired by Scooby-Doo himself. Both Shaggy and Daphne have a noticeable sense of insecurity about their lives, but Velma feels her brains are far more useful to solving mysteries. It's also worth noting how much some of the other characters have been changed compared to their original incarnations. Daphne, for example, is now voiced by Amy Poehler, and is the only one who doesn't have a catchphrase. Velma has been replaced by a young lady named Vanessa. Despite this, the original voice actors like Adam Carolla still keep their original roles. Then there's Fred Jones, whose character is now voiced by none other than Jason Sudeikis. In addition, the usual suspects Scooby-Doo, Shaggy, and Daphne have been replaced with new characters such as Marsha Warfield as the Mayor's wife. Where the problems start with Velma is hard to explain, because there's just so much to unpack, but for starters, the show actually is based on Scooby-Doo, which means that I'm fairly familiar with the source material. Velma's move to the Middle East may have been the source of a lot of unrest in the region, but that's not what I'm going to focus on for the review. I realize that not everyone reads this thing, but I'm sure everyone is aware of the outrage that this series has caused, with the backlash including and not being limited to people who are either conservative Republicans, right wing Islamophobes or David Duke. You see, the show is set in Syria, with Syria being a very corrupt, autocratic dictatorship. Considering the portrayal of the country, the criticism is, of course, justified. However, that's not the main issue most people tend to have with Velma. The series' flaws are within the presentation, in which the decision to use the Arabic alphabet to script the show is its own, unique burden, as well as the fact that the main antagonist of the series is named Juma. Okay, back on topic. One of the main issues with Velma is actually the writing. The writing in the show is so awkward and forced, it feels like some sort of inferior version of Archer that someone like Pamela Adlon would be making. A few examples: Velma ends up paying a visit to her absent father on a side trip to Syria, with the promise to stay for a few days. Before she does that, however, she takes the time to (rather poorly) check her emails. Second, Velma's mother tells Velma that her father left his wife and children a gift. Unfortunately, she takes so long to decide what to give her dad that it turns into three hours. Like, how is this taking three hours to decide what to give the man is beyond me. Another one of the main issues with the series is the humor. The jokes are not very funny at all and at times are borderline unfunny, which is especially true when you compare them to the writing in Archer. All jokes in this show are well placed and delivered with a modicum of class. There are just so many meta jokes to the point of redundancy. Velma's meta humor is actually not that bad. She's an art major. And, as you've probably noticed by now, art is usually pretty hilarious, which is why I know the other characters aren't always laughing with her. And then, you have to deal with the show's typical edgelord humor. Some examples of the worst jokes from Velma include : (Referring to people as a "handicap") Another part of the show's edgelord humor involves Fred Jones' obsession with slop dishes. For whatever reason, Fred Jones enjoys eating slop, but doesn't want people to know about it, which is why, at one point, Velma decides to surprise her friends with a recipe book that's full of weird eating habits. One of the pages actually reads: "Nom nom nom.” Now, I'm not usually so much of a good jokester, but I feel like even I could write a better joke than that: "What do you call the clientele of a dentist's office?" "They're my cheerleaders." It doesn't even matter that I write like that. It's still one of the most ridiculous things I've ever seen. Despite the humor being incredibly juvenile at times, the one aspect of the show that's undeniably a huge asset is the music. The songs in the show are fine, just fine. It's one of the few positive aspect the series has going for it. Although, I do take issue with the licensed use of the song titled "Syrup On the End," featuring Irish boy band Westlife. Not sure what the specific licensing issues were, but it's just a little jarring. However, when it comes to the visuals, Velma is as visually impressive for an animated series that is bad in multiple other aspects. It's like if I told you that Jessica Jones was an enjoyable film, even if Jessica Jones herself wasn't that great. This is the same scenario. I think one of the worst scenes from the Velma show would have to be the lead-in to the very end. You have to go into this show with an assumption that the villain is Juma. Therefore, you don't really care who the main protagonist is. As it turns out, Velma and Juma are mortal enemies, which is so incredibly obvious that it should be a red flag to the creators of the series that no one was watching the pilot when they titled it "Turbo Teen!" I think I know they want the audience to think it's such a pivotal moment, but that doesn't make me wish for more. Another scene I really didn't like was the part where Velma and her friends have a party for their mothers. These girls would have benefited from a deeper character study. It would have added an extra layer to the story, but the writers clearly weren't interested in giving the viewers more insight into their characters. If they were going to put themselves in Velma's shoes, the least they could have done was get the likeness right. Although, the series is filled with negatives, there are a few moments that I did like. One of the few redeeming moments from Velma was the surprise cameo from none other than Lady Gaga, in which her character seeks revenge on a public school Velma attends. This is probably the closest thing to a likable character in this show, but only because Lady Gaga is highly talented and is a well-respected public figure. The only other part I kinda liked was the part where Velma said "It's a paint gun." Oh, Velma, you fool. You should have said "It's a paint bomb." Source: Read More on BrickWire Melissa McBride Returns to 'The Walking Dead' in Season 9 Teaser PATH To Fuller House Excuse me from ending the review too early without summing up my thoughts. I could really use an editor. Anyways, Velma was not good. The series is bad and needs to be dead. RIP. To explain myself further on why this wasn't a good show, it's because I watched it for an easy reference for my sister. At least I tried. I still do not recommend the show. Disclosure: I am/we are long MGA, VIAB. I wrote this article myself, and it expresses my own opinion on this otherwise very infamous animated series. If I were to give Velma a score between 1 and 10, I'd say that I would give it a 0. Instead of this show, I would suggest watching "Tom and Jerry Kids," which is a safer choice for kids who are still being exposed to animated programming. Additional disclosure: Please don't sue me for any physical or mental damages that might have occurred by watching this show. Thank you for your time. I'll end this review by saying "If this were a show, I wouldn't have watched it." And just like what the great late animation veteran William Hanna once said, "I would have been embarrassed to have been associated with it." Ahhhh, Velma. Velma was definitely good at the end. Don't forget to follow me on Twitter, like me on Facebook, or follow my YouTube. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going on a trip to visit my relatives in Canada. Have fun out there! DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author's and do not necessarily represent the views and opinions of an AI, who certainly didn't help write most of this review. Yep, nothing out of the ordinary, just keep enjoying your April Fools day like normal.

...Plus these three songs that are unavailable on Spotify if you can add them:

Recently on Discord, we've discussed a certain past project where some members back in 2015 had ranked the worst and best songs to top the year-end Hot 100 lists: As a throwback, I've decided to organize a new one altogether, and it's open to everyone who is interested. Some simple rules to follow before submitting: 1. Message me on the forums or on the Discord server your top 10 and bottom 10 lists. 2. No joke submissions. 3. For reference, here is a playlist of all of the songs that everyone needs to listen to and rank for their lists (credit goes to Fred for this):

https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/winnie_the_pooh_blood_and_honey The critics have spoken. 5% on RT with a consensus that reads "Oh, bother."

One of the worst newer rock music acts making waves right now. I don't get the appeal for this group at all. Damiano can't sing, the band's sound is stockpiled with overdone rock music cliches, and the same goes for the band's songwriting, which ranges from weak & formulaic to borderline cringe. BUT...as I'm fully aware, Måneskin has their fans, including some that are members on this website, so I figured it would be interesting to open up a discussion for such a polarizing group. Whether you really like or dislike this band, feel free to go off.

One of Disney+'s newer shows that is a revival of The Proud Family and is currently notorious for reminding us that slavery existed (and subsequently making a bunch of white ppl butthurt over it just because and among other things). I haven't seen the show myself (yet...) but I've known some folks on here that have. Discuss.

The Nicki Minaj one is on a whole other dimension.

STEEL'S TOP 100 ARTISTS (#150-126)

This is already a fun concept. Here's mine:

EPILOGUE: 10.5 Epilogue: 'O kekahi Mo'olelo (Another Story) One of the last things that Koamalu remembered before turning up elsewhere was waking up beside his companion SpongeBob after he had transferred the remaining supply of energy invested in him to defeat the Lava King…and to allow him to enter his dreamscape in a bid to acquire help for the deep wounds he received from the same adversary the two had faced. Beforehand, he had to face off against another powerful entity who once knew as his guardian now as a turncoat, Enakai. He ended the battle by destroying his pocket dimension and has not seen him again afterwards. Then there was Moe’uhane, his guidance from within the dreamscape that he now recognized as his mother that he had never met. He had a job to finish in spite of his persisting pain, and he knew that the one way to finish it was to return to the dreamscape alongside Moe’uhane. “Whatever it is that you intend to do to save the universe, we might not see each other again, and especially given how bad your respiratory system had been damaged.” Moe’uhane informed Koamalu. “Enakai…and the Lava King’s dimensions…are both devoid of life now,” said Koamalu, “…so, tearing them apart must be the way…to make that vortex in the sky disappear…or at least make it stable.” “That is true, but I’m afraid you’ll also have to sacrifice yourself to the wormhole,” Moe’uhane continued. “I can’t ensure that you’ll survive being sent through it. One thing’s for sure, however, is you’re more than likely to die if you let your physical form stay underwater.” “I’m going to do it,” Koamalu finished as he examined where his inner surroundings stood on the in-between of life and death, “for SpongeBob, for his friends, for their home…and for you.” With as much concentration as possible, Koamalu began to release an imposing amount of energy in his comatose state, retelling the events that led to the restoration of Bikini Bottom. … … Sometime after Koamalu entered the wormhole, he appeared in a black void with nothing surrounding him besides a particular entity. This time, he was in a state of sleep that otherwise wasn’t in the state of being inside a dreamscape, despite that the markings on his body were present. When Koamalu woke up, he gave himself his time to stretch, look around and then see the person standing in front of him, who in which spoke after catching his attention. “Oh, hello, who are you?” Koamalu asked in a half-awake tone. “Koamalu, I’m Gaia, and I have something important for you to do,” the young girl in the cloak said. “Before I go over the details though, I need you to answer me this: do you know why you’ve been brought here?” “I think it had something to do with going inside a wormhole,” Koamalu replied. “I guess my memory is feeling fuzzy since I was in a lot of pain, but now I’m starting to feel better. Hey, wait a minute…how come I don’t know you, but you know who I am?” “I’m a being who observes all parallel dimensions of the multiverse and maintain order for each one,” Gaia explained. “Now, the multiverse has been seeing a great disturbance occur that is signifying the end of all life.” “Huh, that sounds almost like something that Enakai told me…” Koamalu remarked. “So does that mean the vision he saw…came true?” “I guess so. After all, that was same the unagi creature that disrupted the forces of time and space to put you in danger as a way to try and see his foretelling being realized. Since he’s gone from the multiverse’s registry, however, I’m afraid to inform that the burden is being carried by you. I would say that you’ve been banished, but your last place of internal registry is from one of the dimensions that you’ve just destroyed, which brings me to the main reason why I’ve brought you here. You’ve used your powers to reach the limits of what is allowed by the forces of time and space by tearing the dimensions of Enakai and the Lava King at the seams, so it is now my job to suppress those powers that you possess.” “SpongeBob’s world was about to be destroyed, all his folks got turned into rock statues by the Lava King, and I got myself half-killed to restore everything back to what it was before those two interfered! What else could I have done?” “You were in a life-or-death situation, so I suppose you have a point. I figured that you would use your dream weaver powers to completely close up the rifts and diminish the wormhole in the process, but you chose to take a different approach.” “The spirit of my mom has been guiding me and she suggested that I go inside the wormhole.” “And that’s how you came here. Now that you understand your current circumstances, I have a deal to offer you. You tell me your greatest desire, and then you give me something in exchange so that I can allow you to fulfill whatever it is you wish, and if you accomplish your personal goal, your internal contract with me will be cut.” “To be honest, I don’t know what I really want. Thinking about it, I guess I would like to return to SpongeBob’s world, but after Enakai exposed the truth about my past, I would also like to find some sense of belonging since I never had a universe that I could call my true home.” “So it’s settled then – you want to find someplace where you belong. All you have to do now is to allow me to have your Totem God markings relinquished.” “You want my markings?” “I have plentiful magical properties, so I can easily detach them from your own flesh. I wouldn’t say that I “want” your Totem God powers, it’s rather that I need you to give them up if you’re going to agree to the deal.” After Koamalu realized what giving up the markings embedded in his body would mean, he started to hold himself back from Gaia and then said, “Wait, no! I’m not going to let you take my mommy away from me!” “I’m not going to take away your mother, Koamalu, what’s going to happen is that your connection to her will be cut off.” “But I just regained my connection to her…” “I shouldn’t be putting on safety gloves for your sake, but I’ll at least give you this as a compromise,” Gaia continued as she then threw a staff towards Koamalu to catch. “What’s this?” The sea dragon asked. “This staff is possessed with dream weaving powers much like what you carry, but you are going to figure out on your own how it functions and how to enter a dreamscape with it. If you don’t accept the deal I’m offering, then I’m just not going to let you work towards your set goal.” Koamalu, realizing that he has no other choice, let Gaia use her magic to remove the Totem God markings on his skin. The markings glowed and made the sea dragon quiver as a result of the process. Within seconds, Koamalu no longer felt any mystical energy radiating from him. “I can assure you that your powers will be returned if you’re to accomplish your task,” said Gaia. “Now, you should be directed to a trolley that will take you to a certain place in the multiverse where the start of your conquest will take place after I make one more appointment. Others have been banished besides you, so you won’t be alone…yet. Since you’re physically the youngest, I should give you a fair warning to be careful and watch your own back. You’ll never know until you know how dangerous the multiverse can be. Having those Totem God powers on your person could’ve posed a greater risk, hence why I had to extract them. Go on now, and next thing you’ll know, you’ll find yourself in a new place.” “I understand…” said Koamalu before he hopped inside the trolley to see a bunch that he wasn’t expecting – a male human in karate uniform, another human male with his dirty blonde hair covering his eyes, a female human with amber eyes and brunette hair, an equine with a turquoise-colored body along with a pink mane and tail, and a sea sponge with a stuffed polar bear backpack and his eyes looming at the ground. Koamalu found a spot to settle in, with his bestowed staff in place, and already crashed into slumber before the other banished individuals could try to talk with him. While Koamalu slept, an individual resembling an alien with Pisces symbols embedded in his clothing had now appeared in front of Gaia. ------------------------------------------------------------------ NOTES/TRIVIA: Characters from other spin-offs making an appearance in this epilogue:

New HBO Max animated series based on the Scooby-Doo franchise, which, of course, has been making the rounds for social media backlash. For any other folks here that are "420," feel free to discuss.

EPILOGUE: 7.5. Epilogue The last thing Strezz remembered before finding himself inside an unfamiliar void was his encounter with 'the original Strezz Stormond,' as he so claimed. He doesn't know where he is anymore, since coming back home was all that he could ever think about besides the guilt he felt from the aftermath of defeating Naja. Before experiencing another bout of whiplash from crossing another dimension, Strezz saw visual memories of his past being replayed that corresponded his early signs of his autism, including to when he began responding to 'Strezz' instead of 'Evan' or 'Evangelos.' The little things that were being displayed to him made him feel sad inside before he regained complete consciousness in another world. Settled in that same void was the presence of someone in a cloak that otherwise had the appearance of a young girl. He already had been told by her that her name is Gaia and that she had some important information to share, but he didn't seem to care what that all may be. "What's all this?" Strezz asked. "I don't understand." "Hello, are you Strezz Stormond?" Gaia spoke in a slow and irritably infantilizing tone. "My name is Gaia. Do you know why you're here?" "Why are you talking to me like that?" Strezz asked once more. "Just tell me what's going on." "I thought for sure you'd explain that to me yourself, Strezz," Gaia responded, "or is it Evangelos?" Strezz couldn't bring himself to be angry about the way Gaia said his original name, for he knew he caused himself turmoil over it. He glared at the mysterious girl and then said "My name is Strezz. It's been like that for a while and it will always be." "So, Strezz, you're clearly wondering why you're here." Gaia continued, "and whatever excuse you may have for your actions, you should know that you can't excuse it on your autism. Consider yourself lucky that I was able to intervene when you confronted another, older version of you before things became brutal." "Oh yeah, what was that all about? Why was there another one of me and what did he want with me?" "I'm afraid it's too complicated to explain all of that in detail. The other Strezz experience the typical cycle of where the forces of time and space decide when it's done functioning all proceedings of his universe, and he of course, didn't take it very well. Now let's get back on-topic. Why do you think you're here, Strezz?" "Why should I tell you? You seem to know a lot about me already anyways, and I don't know you exactly are." "Let's just say that I'm an entity that observes of each and every parallel dimension in the multiple universes, or the multiverse as everyone calls it. My job here is to maintain order for each of those worlds. I've observed the actions of your own universe as well, and I've brought you here once a great disturbance all around the multiverse would take place, and it's an occurrence that could bring about the end of it all. Are you following me on this, Strezz?" "Um...I'm sorry. I'm not sure what you're talking about." "That's fine, the important thing that I have to talk to you about doesn't have much to do with the whole hijacking. Before I explain to you why I've brought you into the nexus of the multiverse, I'd like for you to tell me what you think brought you to me." "Well...what you said about how I can't use my autism as an excuse for my actions, you have a point. I was having a lot of trouble processing what this whole journey of mine has been leading up to, with me being stranded on an island for a month, being lent a jacket containing Z-Storm, having to face a bunch of powerful enemies, including this one person who's been out to get me since day one, only for him to turn out to be an android that was being controlled by some immortal spirit that was more powerful, and I've risked death several times all just for that. I don't know what my purpose in life is and why this all has been happening to me. I've wanted to disappear, but now all I want to do right now is just go back home." Looks like you're wracked with guilt, but that does explain a lot for me. Although, what you should really know is that you're here because you've banished from your own universe." Strezz expressed shock in his face before then asking, "What...and how?" "You broke Z-Storm's natural code that you wouldn't use its powers to harm others that don't mean harm to you, or at least you almost did until a person by the name of Zowe made you muster up the courage to speak. As you should know, one of the previous owners of the jacket you wear, Sophocles, did also get banished, and although it was by request, he has also expressed a good amount of guilt much like you have. Now do you understand why you've been sent here?" "I guess so..." "Now, let's make a deal. You want to return back to your own universe, and the price you'll have to pay to accomplish that is to learn a few things about responsibility. Before you accept that, you'll have to give away something in exchange." "Okay, like what?" "The one thing you must give up is what you are wearing right now." Strezz was quick to realize that Gaia meant the Z-Storm jacket and so he responded with hesitation. "You want me to give up Z-Storm!? How am I going to be able to protect myself without this jacket? Could I exchange to you Arcty instead?" Strezz referred to his stuffed polar bear backpack that he also had in his person in the latter question. "Z-Storm is a part of the reason why you've been banished. You were on the cusp of abusing its power and you were lured by your doppelganger for carrying those same powers. You're going to be transferred to unknown territory, and I could assure you that it could poser greater risks and danger on your end if you choose to keep holding on Z-Storm and its powers. I can't take your bear since there's no burden attached to it, and I presume it's more important to you than the jacket than you may notice. Well, Strezz, either you give up Z-Storm, or you give up your chance of being able to return your home world." Without saying a word, Strezz acquiesced, pulled his arms out of the jacket, and then lent the article of clothing to Gaia. "Good choice. I'll guarantee this won't end up in the wrong hands, or fins. All you have to do now is step on the inter-dimensional trolley that will take you to its destination." Strezz looked around the void to see said method of transport right in front of him. "Wait, what do you mean by a great disturbance?" Strezz questioned before stepping in. "For now, that is only my concern and not yours." Gaia clarified. "We may meet again sooner or later. I've got a couple more appointments, I before you send you and the others off." Strezz would know what she meant by others when he stepped inside the trolley to see three humans (one was a female-brunette with amber eyes, one was a dirty blonde male with hair covering his eyes, and one was a black-haired male in a karate uniform) and a turquoise and pink-colored equine in their respective seats. Strezz didn't give direct eye contact to others nor spoke to them and questioned why they're in the same trolley as him before he seated himself. "Not even some small talk, huh?" the rude boy next to the girl uttered. "Perhaps he just doesn't like talking," the brightly-colored equine presumed. "How much longer are we going to stay here?" The dark-haired male questioned. "Yeah, how many of us have happened to be banished?" The other boy rejoindered. "We'll just have to wait," the girl spoke before the conversation died down. Strezz left himself alone to ponder how much his folks back in his world must miss him, which made the guilty feeling of his grow slightly more. He also wondered what Gaia had planned for him until he witnessed another individual manifesting in the void in front of the proclaimed observer of dimensions, who appeared to be a sleeping sea dragon with peculiar markings on his skin. Somewhere in another world, Kinuyo could be seen in a desolate area in front of a group of yokai, looking as though to be sowing the seeds of her new plans, whilst also sewing new threads on her kimono. "Just you wait, sister, I'll be back for you," Kinuyo said to herself, "and I'm going to make it all worthwhile." -------------------------------------------------------------------------- NOTES/TRIVIA: Characters from other spin-offs making an appearance in this epilogue:

obligatory still a better game than hello neighbor post

10. Pau 'ana (End) Just like Enakai, the Lava King was no more. However, the unstable wormhole in the sky remained, as did the dimensional rifts made by the two entities, and of course, all of the inhabitants were still made out of stone. SpongeBob found himself alone in the desolate atmosphere of Tiki Land. In the aftermath of the brutal fight against the Lava King, SpongeBob rushed over to Koamalu’s side. Curiously, his markings returned, but SpongeBob couldn’t feel a sign of him regaining consciousness, repeating his name out of a desperate plea for him to return all the while. Neptune and Amphitrite could return by now, SpongeBob thought, and perhaps they could fix all of the mess that the two instigators have left behind, but there was no one around to answer him. SpongeBob transported himself and Koamalu back to the main island through the powers he had been trusted to use. He left himself to ponder and idle around the area populated by statues of his local folks and the tikis in a state of hopelessness. Together, he and Koamalu defeated their biggest threat, but at what cost? Most of all, what can he really do now that he’s finished the job? All SpongeBob could do for the time being was wait and look after Koamalu’s motionless body in hopes that he will regain consciousness, someway, somehow. “It seems as though that Koamalu didn’t pull through in the end,” a voice from one of the Tikis spoke. “I’m too sad now,” SpongeBob whimpered. “I know there’s something I have to do at this point, but…I just don’t know. Is this how the world will end, with me being the last person standing?” “You’ve been shared Koamalu’s Totem God powers,” the same voice continued. “Even if you’re only bestowed with them, you still share a connection to him.” SpongeBob’s tears dried as he formed a conversation with the enchanted tikis. He then asked, “Huh, what are you suggesting?” “We are Totem Gods of times passed,” another voice from one of the tikis uttered, “and we are all considered as dream weavers. As long as Koamalu hasn’t lost all consciousness, our magic and connection to him still function in this universe.” “Koamalu won’t wake up no matter how much I try to plead for him to.” “You should keep trying,” one of the tiki voices suggested. “Focus on Koamalu and then focus on where he could be if his consciousness is removed from the physical world. He left everything to you after he suffered a mortal wound from the Lava King, and so he may be entrusting you to be the one who saves him, and as well as the world.” SpongeBob returned to Koamalu’s side after taking the advice of the tiki spirits. Looking at the serious wound on Koamalu‘s back, SpongeBob realized the one thing in his body that was giving off a pulse, which were the oddly-shaped appendages. Putting all of his focus on Koamalu, he put a hand on the markings contained in one of the sea dragon’s claws. In an instant, SpongeBob felt a jolt and found himself inside his dreamscape. SpongeBob saw himself in front of Koamalu, whose body continued to lay motionless even in the non-physical world. In front of him was also Moe’uhane, who SpongeBob had just been introduced to. “Oh hello, are you related to Koamalu in some way?” SpongeBob asked the sea dragon spirit. “I am his mother, or at least I could’ve been if Enakai hadn’t offed me,” said Moe’uhane. “I’m SpongeBob, so what’s going on with Koamalu and how can I help?” SpongeBob asked again. “I may not have much time to explain, but your friend, and as well as my own son, might die soon,” Moe’uhane explained. “Koamalu was born as both a land and sea dragon. As you can see by the scales on his back, he’s able to live underwater when they are pressed down while he’s able to live on land when they are pointed up. Those protrusions are linked to his respiratory system, which had been disrupted by his own powers and later damaged by the adversary that he had just helped you vanquish.” “So he did help me defeat him…but how could he when he wasn’t conscious?” “He is a Totem God of dreams, and those powers of his are unlocked to a greater capacity while in a state of dreaming.” “That’s why he’s gotten so drowsy all the time after a while.” “You could say that. It was after he was taken outside of Enakai’s dimension that I was able to reconnect with him after the embargo he had created. As long as there’s still a part of Koamalu that’s alive, and as long as you still inherit those same Totem God powers in the charm you bear, there’s still time to save Koamalu and stop the universe from being consumed by the wormhole.” “So, how can I help him?” “You and Koamalu must destroy the two dimensions that your own world had been merged with, as the one thing that survives in each one is Koamalu’s connection to them, and to accomplish that, you must awaken his powers to the fullest capacity possible in his being.” “Can I use these powers to heal his terrible wound?” “Just do whatever you can to help, time is running out, SpongeBob. I’m unsure if we’ll all be able to see each other again, but do be sure to tell him, if he lives, how proud I’ve felt to see him become much like his father, who he had also never been able to know.” SpongeBob turned back from Moe’uhane to focus his attention towards the deep scar on Koamalu’s backside. He attempted to his powers to peel back the wound. Koamalu grunted in pain while SpongeBob, with enough force, was able to pull back out the red-tinted abrasion until he saw what appeared to be a manifestation of the Lava King underneath, let alone a more twisted version of him. At the same time SpongeBob continued to pull on the personification of Koamalu’s wound, SpongeBob emitted a stream of cold water to condense it to nothing. After SpongeBob succeeded in diminishing it, SpongeBob had flung himself backwards while the patterns on Koamalu’s body glowed once more. He let out a gasp that sent both of them out of the dreamscape in an instant. After SpongeBob found himself being zapped back outside, he turned his head to look at Koamalu, who appeared to still be in pain as he struggled to open his eyes. Half-awake now, he turned around to see his companion. “SpongeBob…?” Koamalu muttered. “Koamalu!” SpongeBob exclaimed as he held a tight tug on his body. “It’s okay, buddy, it’s okay, you shouldn’t be hurting anymore.” “No, I’m still in pain…” Koamalu responded. “I feel like I’m drowning…” “What are you talking about?” SpongeBob asked. “We still have a world to save!” “I know. It’s just that I need to go back…” The patterns on Koamalu’s body emitted another surge of light. In the afterglow, Koamalu’s eyes had returned closed. “No, wait, take me with you, I’ve been told that I need you awaken your powers, whatever that means…” SpongeBob said with desperation in his tone. Instantaneously, SpongeBob reattempted to bring himself to the dreamscape, but nothing seemed to be working. “No, you can’t die on us, right now!” SpongeBob cried. “I’ve already gotten you out of death once, you have to stay alive!” Mere minutes after hearing no further response nor seeing a sign from the Totem God embellished markings or from the protrusions on his back, SpongeBob was given the impression that his companion was now truly gone and that he failed to fulfill his crucial task. SpongeBob was now reduced to tears whilst he continued to embrace Koamalu’s motionless body. SpongeBob looked up to the hole in the sky and back at Koamalu and all of the citizens of Bikini Bottom in their presumably permanent state of being stone effigies. He then spoke in a despaired tone, “Well, I guess this is the end. Goodbye Koamalu, goodbye Patrick…Squidward…Sandy…Mr. Krabs…Larry, and everyone else. Goodbye world…” … … … Koamalu’s body began to move, without caution from the sea sponge. SpongeBob saw as Koamalu’s Totem God markings and eyes glowed white, and that he had released himself from the hug. SpongeBob couldn’t believe what he was now seeing, but that was when he then remembered his conversation with the spirit of his mother, Moe’uhane, who had explained to him about his powers being symbolized by dreams. SpongeBob came to the conclusion that Koamalu returned to the dreamscape to awaken his powers, although he still wasn’t sure how it was happening. Koamalu, while he was in the state of dreaming, moved his physical body towards the idle tikis. After feeling them with one of his claws, he shuffled his right foot in the sand and emitted a powerful vibration that altered the look of the ground beneath,him, and as well as reverting each and every Bikini Bottom citizen to their original selves by crumbling the statues. Koamalu, in his dream-powered state, turned his head to focus on one of the dimensional rifts and, with a wave of one claw, conjured a gale force whirlpool that was strong enough to tear up Enakai’s dimension until it was all swallowed away. With a wave of the other claw, Koamalu used the same method to demolish the Lava King’s dimension. While the wormhole above remained, it was showing signs of stabilization. Koamalu’s work didn’t end there as he then waved both of his claws to revert the rest of the scenery slowly back to the original look of Bikini Bottom, from the flora, to the climate, to the buildings, and so on, all while removing every shred of what resembled Tiki Land except the tikis. As a grand finish, Koamalu levitated towards the sky, bringing himself closer to the very wormhole. To the surprise of SpongeBob and the restored Bikini Bottomites taking a look at the restoration process unfolding, Koamalu ascended inside the wormhole, which subsequently closed up along with him. The darkness in the sky would then clear up and revert to its original state, which would signal the end of the apocalypse that could’ve been. SpongeBob saw no sign of Koamalu returning even half an hour after all of Bikini Bottom had been restored. SpongeBob stared up at the sky for the allocated time until his folks came to embrace and celebrate him for saving their world, and to express their apologies to him. “Way to go, pal!” Larry cheered. “SpongeBob, I’m so sorry for the way I’ve treated you and your friend!” Patrick exclaimed. “We’re still friends, right?” “Of course, but…” SpongeBob muttered. “And I’m sorry that I got a little too ahead of myself in trying to stop the dang apocalypse,” Sandy chimed in. “You’re a hero now for getting rid of that wormhole and that Lava King, and you deserve it!” “I’m sorry for the way I’ve been treating ye too,” said Mr. Krabs. “All that I’ve done for that no-good Lava King, I’ve done it to protect meself.” “Well, even though I don’t care to know what happened while I’ve been gone, I’m just glad this whole chaos is over,” Squidward deadpanned. “Is anything wrong, SpongeBob?” Sandy asked, being the first to notice that SpongeBob wasn’t feeling too happy. “We all have Koamalu to thank for restoring peace to our world,” “Oh yeah, where is that little rascal, anyway?” Mr. Krabs questioned. “He’s just…gone,” SpongeBob spoke in a solemn tone. “He went up inside that wormhole and he’s just gone. He hasn’t come back either.” “That’s a shame, but perhaps you’ll begin to feel better after returning to work at the Krusty Krab,” Mr. Krabs replied. “No I won’t, not without Koamalu to thank for all this! Surely he has to come back.” “Sorry, we shouldn’t been more thoughtful,” said Sandy. “Don’t worry little sponge dude, okay? Maybe he will return to us and then we’ll celebrate what he’s done for us.” After giving the time to talk with the folks that he had just saved, SpongeBob began to feel better, although the lingering thought about Koamalu’s disappearance remained inside him, even after he and the rest of Bikini Bottom have all gone back to their normal lives. When word came to the royals that SpongeBob and his missing friend have saved the world, Neptune had SpongeBob give back the powers lent to him. Afterwards, he was granted an invitation for a feast at their palace. He respectfully declined the offer before adding that they’ll celebrate together for when Koamalu returns. Upon restoring Bikini Bottom, SpongeBob saw as the lives of his folks change in a way that made it feel like a blur to him, but with Mr. Krabs showing more respect towards him and Squidward, Sandy being more willing to spend time with him and Larry outside of her typical research and studies, and as well as Patrick showing some more understanding towards him, he couldn’t complain. Regardless, SpongeBob couldn’t stop to wonder where Koamalu had gone and why the tikis that manifested in the merged dimensions have remained in Bikini Bottom despite the sea dragon’s absence. That, of course, was the topic of another story, as Koamalu is later shown floating in a black void, with the protrusions on his back now pointing up. I want this drowning feeling to stop. Koamalu thought to himself. I need air… “Hello, Koamalu, I’m Gaia and-“the unfamiliar figure that stood in front of him stopped before she saw as the sea dragon was in a state of sleep. “Oh, I guess I’ll just have to wait until he’s refreshed…” Back in Bikini Bottom, the tikis outside were later shown to give off the same exact white glow as the markings in Koamalu’s body before it faded. THE STORY CONTINUES…

9. 'Imi a loa'a (Discover) “Take a closer look…” The voice responded and soon enough, Koamalu saw a clear image of the person in front of him, awaiting the complete answer that she had for him, “I’m your mother, Koamalu.” The reveal left Koamalu feeling stunned, but he couldn’t distrust the one spiritual being who’s been giving him guidance ever since he ended up outside of Enakai’s dimension. In fact, by knowing that she appeared be the same creature as Koamalu and has the same color palette and Totem God markings on her scales as he did made the sea dragon feel convinced that she could be his mother. “It may be hard to believe, but I want you to know that I’m speaking the truth,” the other, old sea dragon spoke. “My name is Moe’uhane, and I am your mother. Ever since you were born, I’ve tried to warn you about Enakai. You were very young back then, but when the time came that you would be old enough to understand that he has been exploiting you, he cut off your connection to the dream world by entrapping you in an identical and desolate dimension.” “That’s right. Enakai told me everything…” said Koamalu. “He even said that he killed you, so why are you here?” “Indeed he did kill me in my physical form. This dreamscape is the only place that I could be alive, and because of that, I was unable to take you back from Enakai just like how he took you from me, and my life along with it,” Moe’uhane explained. “It’s because you’re alive that I still have my connection to you and that I can co-exist in this world.” “Okay, but there’s one thing I still don’t get. What are these Totem God powers of mine for and how do they activate anyway?” “You’re a dream weaver, Koamalu, just like me. Your powers are fully awakened in the world of dreams or when your markings on your body sense you’re in serious danger.” “So that’s why I was able to break free from Enakai before he could kill me…” “Well, Koamalu, now that I’ve told you some the things you needed to know about me being your mother, do you believe me?” Knowing full well that he never met one of his parents up until this very point, Koamalu didn’t feel completely convinced, but on the contrary, from the way that Moe’uhane spoke to him with such compassion, gentleness, and sincerity in her tone had given Koamalu less of a notion to believe that it’s a deception of some kind. As of way of confirming himself that Moe’uhane is his true guardian, he came over to her for an embrace, and was returned with a one from the entity that he knew that could only come from the love of a mother. After sensing and seeing nothing malevolent after the affection he’s given and received, Koamalu hugged Moe’uhane a second time. “Mom!” Koamalu sobbed with tears forming in his eyes. Moe’uhane expressed the same tearful emotions, and then saying to Koamalu, “Oh, if only if your father were still here and he were Totem God like us, we could’ve been able to see ourselves as a complete family just this one time.” After taking in the moment to feel the spirit of his mother, Koamalu spaced back and prepared to hear what else Moe’uhane had to say for him. “By the time you re-enter the real world, you’re going to be facing the Lava King,” Moe’uhane informed, making Koamalu feel something anxious inside him before he felt his backside pulsing once more, kneeling and grunting in pain. “Mom, what’s happening to me?” Koamalu asked. “Your powers seem to be interfering with your respiratory system,” said Moe’uhane. “Perhaps it’s because your body can’t handle being in the water for so long, but I can’t be so sure when I’ve never been able to raise you properly and since I’ve lost my physical form many years ago.” “I want the pain to stop,” Koamalu replied. “So do I, and because you’re still alive in the outside world, you’ll feel pain here as well. One thing you should focus on now is conquering the Lava King.” “And then what? I still have to restore the universes back to the way they were before the wormhole destroys everything and I don’t know what to do. Enakai chose not to tell me anything. Do you know what I must do?” “This is what I’ve been worried about explaining to you most. It would have to take a lot of power invested in you to reverse the damage that Enakai and the Lava King caused, and the solution seems to require making some sacrifices. Koamalu, before we depart again, remember what I’ve told you about being a dream weaver and-“ “Koamalu, wake up!” The sea dragon heard SpongeBob’s voice echoing within the dreamscape. Koamalu gazed at his mother one last time before he awoke in front of his partner and Patrick, where he found himself in front of what appeared to be the crater of a volcano. “Thank goodness you’re still conscious,” said SpongeBob. “Koamalu, there’s no time left to lose! Everyone else has become stone statues and the Lava King-“ “Yes, be thankful that you’re still alive,” the Lava King said towards Koamalu, prompting for the sea dragon to face the entity that stood right in front of him and SpongeBob. “I don’t like waiting around and I could’ve easily turned you into stone before you could wake up if I could, but I couldn’t pass on the opportunity to make your demise special.” “Hey SpongeBob!” Patrick called out, “And hey, uhhh….” “Patrick, what are you doing here?” SpongeBob questioned. “In fact, how did you get here?” “I followed you and your new friend into the cave because I have something important to say to you,” Patrick responded, “…if I could remember. Oh yeah, I was going to say to you and your friend Kalamazoo that I, uh…apologize for-“ Before Patrick could say any more, the Lava King turned the sea star into stone for Koamalu and SpongeBob to witness. “I could’ve done this to the nuisance much earlier. He’s been a lazy oaf for too long,” the Lava King tormented. “And you’ve punished everyone else by turning them into stone,” Koamalu retorted. “I did so because they chose to defy me,” the Lava King argued, “and I’ll do the same thing to you two once I’m done!” “You’ll have nothing left to rule over anyway!” Koamalu pointed out. “The dimensional rift is going to keep going unstable until this entire world is destroyed!” “Oh yeah, but if Enakai wasn’t so stubborn, he would fix it up.” “No. Because…Enakai is gone...” “So you’ve killed him, huh?” “I never intended to, I just reduced his dimension to rubble and-“ “That doesn’t matter anyway, because this makes us the same now. To be blunt, I’ve been the supreme leader of my own domain even after I’ve killed every inhabitant, subjecting myself to loneliness and boredom until luck came my way. So I guess I’ll just have to make my own enjoyment last while I still can.” “No, we’re not the same and we’ll never be the same, because SpongeBob and I are going to make you regret everything that you did!” “How are you going to do that? Kill me then, although that automatically makes you both no better than I.” “If we can’t kill you, we’ll still try to drive you out,” SpongeBob chimed in. “Go back to where you came from and never bother anyone again. You’ve hurt too many people and for that, we’re going to give you what you deserve!” “Then you’re going to have to defeat me in a real fight,” the Lava King commenced, “fire when ready.” “We are both ready,” Koamalu said, indicating determination in his disposition. “Right,” SpongeBob acquiesced. With no more time to waste, SpongeBob and Koamalu began their ultimate showdown against the Lava King, the latter who in which stood out like a giant compared to them. SpongeBob and Koamalu already knew that regular-sized emanations were feeble against the lava creature, so they started by amplifying their spells, with SpongeBob conjuring giant water balls and Koamalu conjuring torpedoes made out of water, each hitting the Lava King and producing steam but they were easily withstood by him. “Ha, ha, ha, you’re making this very easy for me,” the Lava King remarked. The Lava King then proceeded to launch a barrage of fire balls at SpongeBob and Koamalu, who would manage to either dodge or guard against them each time. Koamalu’s next attack against the Lava King involved conjuring a volley of boulders large enough to make a dent on the lava creature, but the Lava King caught and crumbled the rocks with each throw given to him. The Lava King then made his next move by “Oh man, this guy sure is tough,” said SpongeBob. “Yes, but we must keep trying,” Koamalu reassured. “He’s got to have a weak spot. I have one idea that we can use.” Koamalu and SpongeBob resumed taking on the Lava King, with SpongeBob launching his next attack by emitting a large enough whirlpool to slam at the lava giant or to contain him, and it managed to be strong enough to make the opponent feel some scrapes in his formidable magma body. Koamalu thought about the surfing training that he had been given by SpongeBob and Larry, and together with his partner SpongeBob, they produced a large wave and a surfboard each beneath their feet. The Lava King would then spew lava from his body, producing steam across the surrounding surf in the process. SpongeBob and Koamalu used their swift moves to evade the falling drops of lava. Koamalu boosted himself upwards with his board to then emit his next attacks against the Lava King while swerving away from the lava giant’s blasts from his hands. Koamalu’s conjurations ranged from king-sized water arrows to falling ice chunks, and harpoons. Each time, however, Koamalu got a look at how strong the lava giant’s guard was and far-off it was from becoming loose. SpongeBob’s next attack involved conjuring a pod of dolphins in the shape of water, before then launching the same type of attack albeit in form of different creatures including leopard seals, sharks, and finally, a whale. The Lava King found himself having more difficulty sustaining those attacks but kept his guard. The Lava King would then change his strategy by emitting a thick cloud of smoke around SpongeBob and Koamalu’s line of vision before then shooting bursts of lava towards his targets. This digression caused for SpongeBob and Koamalu to take hits, let alone minor scrape burns to their arms or knees. Koamalu then conjured a strong wind to blow out the smokescreen whilst he and SpongeBob tried to evade the fire blasts through veering on their surfboards. When the Lava King emitted another barrier of smoke, Koamalu and SpongeBob sprayed blasts of water to condense them and as well as to counter the lava blasts, producing steam in the process. SpongeBob produced a stream within the tide to flow into the Lava King while Koamalu conjured more boulders to spurt at and subdue the lava giant, with some being evaded and some managing to make a dent. The Lava King’s next move would be to spit fire across the field, causing for the emitted tide to evaporate, though SpongeBob and Koamalu continued to levitate on the surfboards. The Lava King continues by spouting lava all around. Koamalu’s board takes a hit and dissipates, prompting for SpongeBob to conjure clouds to cease his crash landing. SpongeBob’s next idea for an attack against the Lava King involved conjuring a series of geysers right in front of the adversary. As the geysers managed to deal damage to the Lava King, Koamalu followed suit in emitting them alongside the sea sponge. The Lava King would then emit a barrier of lava rock to encompass all around himself to negate SpongeBob and Koamalu from conjuring geysers. The Lava King would be unable to attack with the shield raised up, letting SpongeBob and Koamalu carry out their next strategy in attacking him. They re-emitted the tall surf along with their surfboards, using any sort of attack that they could think of to shatter the Lava King’s defense barrier. Koamalu conjured a steel drill that would be big and strong enough to penetrate the shield, and once he was able to reduce it to rubble, the Lava King produced bursts of lava through multiple directions. SpongeBob and Koamalu used their surfing abilities to dodge each of the Lava King’s assails. That was until the drastic happened and SpongeBob saw as the Lava King struck Koamalu in the backside with one of his blasts. Koamalu yelped in pain and fell off his surfboard. Losing focus on the fight, the surf would deactivate and SpongeBob rushed over to catch Koamalu and check on him, to see a red, throbbing wound superimposed all around his blue appendages. Koamalu fell unconscious as a result of the pain dealt form the lava titan. “Koamalu, Koamalu, please be alright!” SpongeBob pleaded. Koamalu returned to the dreamscape and so he saw the spirit of his mother once more, all while leaning down, breathing heavily, and groaning from his pain. He waited as Moe’uhane came over to his side. “Am I still alive?” Koamalu whimpered. “…Am I going to die? Mom…” “The Lava King hurt you…” Moe’uhane muttered. “I could give him a piece of my mind if I still had my physical form, but now you’re in-between life and death.” “What must I do…mother?” Koamalu intoned while still in serious pain. Koamalu looked around to see one particular presence that wasn’t there in his previous advents in the dreamscape, as he saw an animated image within the vicinity that resembled the physical world and he was able to witness SpongeBob still fighting the Lava King, although struggling due to focusing on keeping his physical body from further harm. Moe’uhane joined in to take a glance at was now transpiring from the outside. “That friend of yours is putting your life above his own,” Moe’uhane remarked. “What does that mean to you?” “SpongeBob…has meant a lot to me,” Koamalu groaned. “There’s so much that I’ve learned and that I’ve regained about myself…because of him.” “As you can see, Koamalu, you’re not the only one who’s in pain right now,” Moe’uhane continued. From what Koamalu could see, her non-physical form was showing signs of diminishing. “If you die, I can no longer co-exist. What happens now is up to you, even if it means we’ll both never see each other again…” “I can’t allow this entire emotional journey that Enakai made me go through go in vain like he planned…and I’ll never let the Lava King win. I remembered what you told me…about who I am as a Totem God…and how those powers are embodied in dreams. I think I know what I have to do now. I’m going to leave it all up to SpongeBob.” Moe’uhane knew what Koamalu meant and consented to his ultimate decision. Koamalu breathed in and out to concentrate himself from his burning pain to unleash the remaining energy he possessed. The markings on his body glowed white in the dreamscape, before the same effect would take place in the physical world. “Why don’t you just give up and concede defeat already?” The Lava King tormented. SpongeBob felt a sudden burst of energy being transferred inside him. The totem powers charm emitted a similar radiance whilst the markings on Koamalu’s body somehow disappeared as a result of the bestowing process. The Lava King was prepared to launch out a finishing move on both SpongeBob and Koamalu until he noticed the sudden change in SpongeBob’s aura. “What’s all this?” The Lava King questioned. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but I still won’t be outmatched by some weedy invertebrate!” It was then that SpongeBob, without freewill of his powers, conjured a spectral image of a sea dragon with white glowing eyes that resembled a bigger version of Koamalu, and with the same Totem God markings. “You’ve hurt my friends and you’ve caused enough pain and suffering to all of Bikini Bottom,” SpongeBob said with sudden vigor in his tone. “Your tyranny ends here.” “Perhaps I’ve misjudged your abilities,” the Lava King remarked, “but you can’t intimidate me.” The Lava King’s very last words before finishing the battle would prove to be a facade after being dealt the full powers of a Totem God. The manifested sea dragon whacked and blistered away at the lava titan with ease. Every time that the Lava King tried to overpower the spawn, his attacks would either be resisted or quashed by the intense power of a hundred crashing waves. SpongeBob continued to let the sea dragon rampage against the Lava King until he was reduced to a small blob. The formerly giant lava creature’s strength was diminished so much that all that remained of him had now burned out like a candle light, with his ashes blowing in the wind and leaving nothing of him left in the caldera…except for Koamalu’s deep wound. The manifestation of the sea dragon ceased afterwards while SpongeBob took plenty of heavy breaths before self-confirming that the horrors of the Lava King were now over and, in an instant, rushed to Koamalu’s side. “Koamalu!” SpongeBob exclaimed. “Don’t die on me…please.”

Time for my annual "What I got for Christmas" flex: -Kingdom Hearts board game -Hunter x Hunter backpack (different from the one I got last year) -Hunter x Hunter oven set -Hunter x Hunter blind box figure (Gon) -SpongeBob blind box pin (I got Squidward) -Headphones -Hot Topic gift card -Pokemon cookbook -Aebleskiver/takoyaki pan -Shirts for Gorillaz, Muse, and Avatar: The Way of the Water -Flaming Lips - Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots 20th Anniversary Edition CD -The 1975 - Being Funny in a Foreign Language CD -Florence + the Machine - Dance Fever CD -Sam Fender - Seventeen Going Under CD -The Wolf House DVD -Some Evangelion mat thing -Cash (unpictured)