Jjs Goodman

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Here's the 50th episode special of SBC What If's, written by both me and dmandaman in the first ever co-write episode of this. Enjoy! I am The Lurker and I cannot intervene…or can I? For the past 49 episodes, I’ve carefully observed the timelines of the SBC shenanigans that could have been, but have never been allowed to meddle…until now. For the 50th episode special, I’m finally getting my time to shine! Episode 50: What If…The Lurker Intervened? The Lurker had grown tired of cataloging SBC’s events across the timelines. There were many times he wished he could’ve intervened but couldn’t due to the laws of the universe. The first Super Bowl Xat fight, the vBulletin move, Robert Ryan Cory’s visit, the Hack-E-Sack Prank, SpongeBob Universe, that time Jjs was fired from Jeopardy for a day, SB&P crashing the Doubloon economy, literally everything G4ry ever did…he weeps at how much tragedy and stupidity could’ve been prevented. No more. He saw an opportunity to finally meddle with SBC affairs, because if this event was allowed to transpire, it would change everything. He was tired of lurking in the shadows and ready to introduce himself to SBC, the laws of the universe be damned. He was prepared to face whatever consequences for what’s about to occur. One seemingly normal day on SBC’s Discord, a conversation like no other is occurring… Carotte: so yes, this proves that roller cowards takes place before valentine's day Steel: And any episode where Squidward's house is missing happens during Good Neighbors. magonlia: Oooh lets add them to the list jjs: what is going on in here sbl: YOU MAY KISS THE BRIDE! Jaic: Wait, SpongeBob isn't married in any other episodes. MM&BB must be the last episode chronologically! Hawk: (replying to jjs) they're trying to make a spongebob timeline (which, personally, i think is a terrible idea) jjs: it's 2026, i thought we all agreed that this show has no continuity Winter: but spongebob can never get his driver's license! that's continuity! magnolia: Lets put all the boating school episodes next to each other on the list jjs: actually getting pissed at this rn that makes NO sense, you guys need to stop Prez: Reef blower is the first episode because SpongeBob and Squidward hadn't learned how to speak yet Wumbo: You. jjs: i swear to danny devito if you people say one more stupid thing Carotte: if spongebob is driving a boat just fine in the intro, doesn't that mean it takes place closer to the end of the series? jjs: I'LL KILL YOU- The Lurker joined the party. The Lurker: Ahem. Hawk: whose alt is this The Lurker: I am no alt, I am the Lurker. My own moral code dictates that I do not intervene, and I normally heed this...but this argument is so fucking stupid that I couldn't resist stepping in. jjs: hmm, i suppose things did get a little heated there The Lurker: A little? From what I saw, you were about to ban a good portion of this server just because they were passionate fans. And you know what that means? They would've splintered off into their own community, leaving SBC to die! Everyone: collective gasp The Lurker: That's right! The community as we know it was about to end, and that's why I made the choice to intervene just this once. Besides, there's a simple solution: just ask them to move this discussion into a new thread. jjs: you're right; my apologies to everyone for getting so angry over nothing Carotte: also sorry for unintentionally instigating you, we'll discuss this in the proper channel next time magnolia: I don’t care that much about the list anymore actually Steel: Honestly, I was just playing along for the funnies. The Lurker: It appears my work here is done... Winter: WAIT, before you leave, what's your stance on how the show treats continuity? The Lurker: Are you kidding? There's an episode with a gorilla underwater, and the continuity's what you're focusing on? Jaic: That wasn't a gorilla, it was just some guy in a suit. You can see his mouth. Prez: Aren't all the spongebob characters just guys in suits The Lurker: ...what have I done. [The Lurker leaves the server.] Carotte: but what about the fish who went to the head replacement clinic? Steel: Must've been a guy wearing two layers of fish suits. jjs: oh my god The Lurker is proud he finally used his powers to prevent a tragedy from befalling the community. He decides to go outside and touch grass in a rare opportunity, only to be apprehended by the Cosmic Internet Council. They warned him what would happen if he broke his vow to never intervene, so they subject him to one of the cruelest forms of punishment: Forcibly watching every cartoon reviewer's videos. After that agonizing torture is over, they let him off with a warning but remind him what happened to the Lurker of No Homers Club when they kept breaking their vow, which makes Lurker gulp. Lurker is ashamed of his actions now and goes on a journey of self-discovery. After a trek through the stars, The Lurker comes to his old cosmic childhood home: The Last Blockbuster in Bend, Oregon. He enters, seeing shelves of untouched movies and games, recognizing many of the same products from when he was last here. Pa Lurker is sitting in a chair alone in the shadows, and staring at a computer. He then turns around upon hearing his son enter. Pa Lurker: Oh. Hello son. The Lurker: Hello dad. Pa Lurker: You still taste sugar? The Lurker: No thank you, I’m trying to watch my figure. Pa Lurker: Haven’t heard from you in a while. Lurker: Yeah, I-I’ve been busy. Pa Lurker: You know, your mother passed away three months ago… Terminally online illness. She asked about you… Everyone does. Saw you on that popular show, lurking that SpongeBob forum… or whatever it was… Then we all saw you intervene and nearly destroy the universe. The Council told me. [Lurker is shocked] Everyone said to me, “Oh, how’s your boy doing? You must be so proud of him.” I would nod my head, but I didn’t have the heart to tell them I was embarrassed… Embarrassed to see you on that show, making a fool of yourself, making a fool of the Lurker name! Do you have any idea, ANY idea how hard it’s been for me? Lurker: I-I’m sorry… Pa Lurker: [slams table as he stands up] SORRY?! Be sorry for your poor mother, whose last words were, “Where is he? Where’s my boy? Where’s my boy?” No, NO! You walked out on this family, and now you come back? NOW, you have the nerve to show your face around here?! YOU'RE A DISGRACE! Get out of my house...! I have no son… Now disgraced by SBC, the Cosmic Internet Council and his own father, Lurker sadly left. He has a crashout and destroys random shit outside; he also throws a tree with impressive anime strength. He then reflects, wondering what his purpose has truly been. He goes into a spiritual meditation and has a vision of an old computer running Windows 98, sitting in a blank void. Computer of Knowledge: Hello, Lurker. You did it. You’ve achieved inner peace. Lurker: Hello. Who are you? Computer of Knowledge: I am the Computer of Knowledge. I have all the answers to all of life’s questions. But before I reveal them, there is something I must ask you. Lurker: Okay. Computer of Knowledge: I’ve been acting really slow lately and I’m just going around asking anybody who can help, I mean anybody who can help, um, with my computer because it’s a real problem. I need myself to work. Lurker: Uh, maybe it’s a virus? Computer of Knowledge: No no, I called Geek Squad and they said it wasn’t a virus, so I know it’s not that. I know it’s not that, um… Lurker: Uh, I don’t know, I… I really have no idea, sorry. Computer of Knowledge: Yeah me neither, I don’t know. I honestly don’t know. Um… I mean when I say, uh brow-like slow browser, does that scream software to you or a hardware problem? Lurker: …Oh, I don’t know. I was only good at lurking with computers. Computer of Knowledge: No that’s cool man, I mean I figured, I appreciate the help anyways...I’ll probably just need to become a whole new computer at this point. Lurker: Alright, what am I doing here? Computer of Knowledge: Oh yeah… You just need to browse SBC on me and all will be clear. Lurker: Okay. [Lurker reaches for the Computer of Knowledge, lightning sparking out of the latter. A vortex swirls around and brightens as Lurker gets closer. When his hand finally reaches the Computer of Knowledge’s keyboard, he quickly types to find SBC. Then, his pupils start dilating and the camera zooms into him. A flash of moments throughout Lurker’s entire life and SBC adventures are quickly shown one frame at a time before cutting to black.] Lurker has ascended, becoming the first (and only) Windows 9. SBC is proudly displayed on the screen. Now he could keep lurking SBC forever in real time, but at the cost of his humanity and any ability to intervene. Lurker: (computer voice) See ya later, Bran Flakes.

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Premieres: Friday, June 12th at 5:00pm ET/PT Plot: Larry begins to emulate Patrick when he finds out about his secret super strength.

Premieres: Friday, June 12th at 5:00pm ET/PT Plot: When SpongeBob unknowingly breaks a witch's curse, its victim insists on being cursed again.

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Premieres: Friday, June 5th at 5:00pm ET/PT Plot: Plankton crashes Karen's party for her computer friends, but his sneaky plan does not stay secret for long.

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I will use this thread to keep track of how many patties each user has collected throughout the event. You can obtain them by: coming in the top 4 during any game, winning them from minigames, winning them from music parties, finding a free one on Discord (hint below), and finding a free one on the forum (hint below). The Rainbow Burger hunt on June 9th will also add that to your count. These should be relatively easy to get before the event ends. Patty Count: Winter: 11 Prez: 10 Mythix: 8 Smitty: 5 WhoBob: 5 Dman: 5 Zaid: 3 Meep: 3 Jjs: 3 DG: 2 Steel: 2 Maniac: 1 Crush: 1 Fred: 1 Hidden Patties: Here are where the two free patties are hidden: Forum Patty: Found in a thread for a deliciously colorful episode. Discord Patty: Found in an event description. Message me them when found and they will be added to your patty tally. If you obtain 6 patties, you'll receive: the Rainbow Pride badge (if not already obtained last year), a surprise new username color choice, 2,000 doubloons, 200 experience points and a sneak peek.

Choose one of these rainbow paths to ride down on: Red Orange Yellow Green Blue Indigo Violet Pink Depending where the path takes you, your outcome could either be: nothing, 100-400 doubloons, 20-30 experience points, or a Pretty Patty. You can only play in this once every 24 hours.