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Woof Woof! Hi guys, it’s me, Winter! …what? You expected some weird silly character to narrate this? Well, no one else could possibly know how I was like as a 10 year old, so I was the only option for the narrator. Also everyone else, upon seeing how I was like back then, wanted nothing to do with it. Anyway, did you know that I almost joined SBC back in January 2013, when it was the SpongeBob Universe? Y’know, the wikia hybrid of SBC? Yep, believe it or not, I was almost on this website FIVE years earlier! The only thing that stopped me was that I didn’t have an email address at the time and was only able to join websites if my brother let me use his email. If you’re thinking it’s a shame we just barely missed out on five more years of me, you’d be mistaken. I was an extremely immature autistic 10 year old with nearly no social interaction before. It would not have gone well. With how bad my behavior was on wikias back then, it’s safe to assume on SBC, it’d be no better. But how exactly would this dumpster fire have gone down if I DID join SBC back then? Today we’ll find out the answer to... Episode 34: What If...Winter Joined SBC in 2013? It was a random day in January, when a new thread popped up. “hi im wintermelon43 im new here. im 13 years old and i like spongebob of cuorse and also plants vs zombies. itll be fun to be on this forum.” ok, so clearly this guy is a 9 year old, but whatever, it’s the spongebob universe days, everyone joining is way too young to be on an internet forum. But what is his first post like? On the One Krabs Trash thread: “I LOVE THIS EPISODE ITS THE BEST EPISODE EVER!!!! ITS SO FUNNY THERE ARE SO MANY FUNNY MOMENTS ITS SO FUNNY! ALL THE DIFFRENT DRINK HATS, THE FLEOTING SHOPPING LIST, LICKING DOORNOBS IS ILEGAL ON OTHER PLANETS, THE SKELETON FIGHT, HERE LIES SQUIDWARDS HOPES AND DREAMS, WHAT A BABY LOL! BEST EPISODE OF THE SHOW 100/10!!! EVEN BETTER THAN ATLANTIS AND TURTH OR SQUIRE!” Well, as long as he’s nice, the immaturity shouldn’t be too big of a deal. Surely he’s nice enough, right? …..right? *Three weeks later, on the Truth or Square thread* Winter: NO WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TURTH OR SQUIRE IS ONE OF THE BEST EPISODES OF THE SEARIES AND THE PATCHY MOMENTS ARE GREAT!!! ESPICALLEY THE WHALE SCENE THE OLD CARTOON AND ESPEICALLAY THE OTHER OPENING SCENES ARE GREAT. YOUR COMPLETLY WRONG!!!!!! Jjs: Can you stop getting angry at literally anyone who disagrees with you, it’s seriously not a big deal. Winter: ok its not but HE’S COMPLETLY WRONG! HOW COULD YOU POSSIBELY THINK THAT??? Wumbo: See, now you’re whining about other people’s opinions again. Grow up. Jjs: ok but clearly it’s a big deal to you if this is how you react every time someone has a different opinion than you. This is really getting annoying, you do this just about every day at this point. As Wumbo just said, grow up. Winter: im not whining about it im just saying that its not true. truth or square is good like come on Box: Can we just ban this guy already, this crap is all he does here. Clappy: ok, Wintermelon43, I’ve given you….how many warnings now for behaving like this? And refusing to tolerate opinions? I’m just gonna say this now: If you act like this again, I’m banning you. You keep causing arguments all the time, and honestly, it seems like that’s the main thing you do here. It’s clear you are not very mature, but I’ll give you one more chance to improve your behavior. If you continue to act like this, I am banning you. Winter: ok i will 4EverGreen: Well, looks like I missed a LOT! Honestly, I AGREE with Wintermelon43, Truth or Square HAS to be one of the best episodes of the ENTIRE series in my opinion! I mean, when ELSE are you going to see Sandy and SpongeBob get MARRIED? Even though it was just a PLAY, it was still amazing to see that happen! I respect Almy’s opinion though, even if I do NOT agree! Now, for a REALLY bad TV movie episode, THAT would be Atlantis Squarepantis! Now THAT was truly terrible! Enough said, true believers! Winter: FINALLY SOMEONE AGREES THAT TURTH OR SQUIRE IS GREAT!!! I WAS STARTING TO THINK IM THE ONLY ONE! but atlantis is just as good!!! how could you possebly hate that? Wumbo: Anddddd here we go again JCM: Is this gonna be the rise and shine drama all over again PatBack: What if I were to say I don’t like either truth or square or atlantis? Winter: you guys are insane! how can you not like eithor of them? they are the best episodes! Wumbo: Seriously, just respect other people’s opinions. Is it that hard? Winter: im trying but these opineons are crazy, HOW THE F*CK ARE EITHER OF THESE EPISODES BAD??? its fine if you think that but its defieantly wrong Hayden: See this is why people shouldn’t have kids jjs: You’re not helping anything Almy: I didn’t expect this much controversy from me saying that, so I guess I’ll explain my views further. *Writes three well written paragraphs on why he’s not a fan of Truth or Square* Winter: WHAT NO IT IS NOT BAD YOU ARE WRONG. THIS EPISODE IS SO GOOD AND YOUR POST MAKES NO F*CKING SENSE, YOU ARE ABSUOLOTLY WRONG!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS tvguy: This is entertaining ngl Wumbo: Well guys, it’s official. Truth or Square is the best episode and any other opinion is absuolotly wrong! Box: wtf does that even mean, “absuolotly” isn’t even a word Wumbo: idk but it’s absuolotly wrong. Teenj: You make some great points Almy, I fully agree with your post. Prez: Can we post minion yaoi? Wumbo: Yes Winter: (replying to Teenj) WTF AM I SEARESELY THE ONLY SANE PERSON HERE??? Wumbo: Wait wtf Prez you didn’t even exist yet Clappy: And you’re banned. The fact that it took you literally two posts after my warning to return to your behavior says a lot about how immature you are. Until you grow up, you are staying banned from here. As a result of being banned, I would have forgotten about the website years later and never returned, causing me to never be on SBC, so no one met me (beyond the age of 10) and I would never have met anyone on here. But it gets even worse than that. Because I caused carottecord and sbc to discover the godliness of Old Man Patrick, without my presence, no one discovered Old Man Patrick, making both places significantly worse. Let this be a lesson: Never allow 10 years to have accounts on the internet. They are far too immature.

We all know that The Room (2003) is one of the most revered and beloved films in cinematic history. From the dramatic script, to the impeccable acting, and the multiple photographs of spoons, every single aspect of it has been praised to the high heavens. And I completely agree...outside of one issue. This has always been more of a personal thing, but I never really enjoyed how this movie ends (SPOILERS: JOHNNY KILLS HIMSELF). It's a total downer and always puts me out of the hysterical mood I had before. But what if I told you with just one simple change in The Room's universe, this huge problem could ultimately be prevented, along with many others? Allow me to propose this entire idea to you with an image, and suddenly all will be clear... ...okay, maybe I should elaborate a bit more. Episode 33: What If...Gary the Snail Was in The Room? So, let's assume that pretty much everything that happens in the opening stretch of the movie is the same. Denny engages in a harmless pillow fight, Lisa orders a pizza, we get a nice shot of Johnny's ass; these scenes are all untouched. However, let's take a look at the flower shop scene to see our first major change. Clerk: It'll be $18. Johnny: Here you go, keep the change. Hi... Gary: Meow. Johnny: Is the kitty real? Clerk: I'm not sure what it is. Someone came up and told me to give him away to my favorite customer. Would you like him? Johnny: Oh sure, Lisa will love him. *checks name tag* Hi, Gary! Gary: Meow! "Aww, that's sweet! I'm sure Gary will improve the lives of everyone in this San Fran apartment!" If that's what you're saying right now, then you better prepare yourself, because there's still a good bit of drama to be had. Johnny returns to the apartment. Johnny: Hi, babe! Lisa: Hey, who's that there? Johnny: This is our new son Gary. Lisa: Can we keep him? Johnny: Sure, he's ours. Gary: Meow! Lisa: Johnny, he's perfect. I love him. Johnny: Anything for my princess! We hear a knock on the door. Johnny answers. Johnny: Oh hi, Denny! Denny: We need to talk for a bit. They walk outside. We hear muffled speech. Denny: Johnny, what the hell is this? You said you wanted me to be your only adoptive son and now there's this Gary guy? It's supposed to be just me! You're supposed to adopt me! You're my fucking father! Realizing this is going to take a while, Lisa dials a number. Mark: Hello? Lisa: This isn't working out. We need to stop seeing each other. Mark: Oh thank god, I can't keep going behind Johnny's back like this. See ya. After the call ends, Lisa looks at Gary and unbuttons her blouse. Lisa: It's hot in here, huh? Gary: Meow? Upon review, jjs has requested that I do not speak of what happens in the next scene. You know what? I couldn't agree more. I know this looks really bad, but trust me when I say this still leads to a happy ending. The things I do for Johnny... The apartment is now filled with several pictures of Gary. Gary: Meow meow meow, meow meow? Meow meow meow! Lisa: Didn't you enjoy it? Gary: MEOW! He speeds out of the apartment, getting Johnny and Denny's attention. Denny: Oh. Well, that solves my problem. I better get going. Johnny: No Gary, come back! Denny, would you please help me? Denny: I have homework to do. Bye! Johnny: Fuck you, Denny! While running, Johnny runs into Mark. Johnny: Oh hi, Mark! Mark: What's up, Johnny? Johnny: I'm looking for my new son. I asked Denny to help me find him but he was too much of a chicken. Cheep cheep cheep cheeeeeeep! Mark: Wait, you mean like the snail that just went past me? Johnny: Is that what he is? Mark: I think he's gone, Johnny. He was headed straight for the bay. Johnny: He can't be gone! No! We need to go home and see if Lisa knows about this. They both go back to the apartment. Johnny: Lisa, what happened with Gary? Lisa: I don't want him anymore. Johnny: Why Lisa, why? Why would you do this to me? He was our son! Lisa: Women change their minds ALL the time. Mark: He would have been so good for you! Lisa: I don't think so. I don't think any of you are. I'm leaving you, Johnny. Lisa exits the apartment. Johnny: Get out! Get out! GET OUT OF MY LIFE! *sigh* Well, at least I have you, my best friend, Mark. Mark: It's hot in here, huh? Yep, love wins! Unfortunately, I cannot describe this final scene either. But I think we can all agree that this is a much better ending than the one we got. Johnny doesn't die after all! And it's all thanks to our favorite snail, Gary. It's such a shame he died in season 14. Though Gary may be gone, his contributions to television and film (both animated and live-action) will never be forgotten. Rest in peace. Also, in case you were wondering, Johnny and Mark adopt Denny, Johnny finally gets his promotion, Claudette recovers from her breast cancer, Denny doesn't have a near-death experience, half the cast become pro football players, and Lisa never tears Johnny apart. What an improvement, Mark!