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Remember this, dear reader. The incident in 2017 on the forum SpongeBuddy Mania called “Homophobia: The Thread”, started by none other than the conservative christian DS Guy. He was notorious for justifying his own bigotry cuz the supposed lifestyle didn’t fit him as a christian. So why are we talking about this person in the year 2025? Well, there is a universe out there where he goes beyond being a bigoted christian. Oh no… you see, what he’s about to pull is gonna shock you to the core. Episode 18: What If... DS Guy Tried to Resurrect Jesus? It’s Earth-666, if that number was any indication that things are not what they seem, you would be right. It starts off 8 years after DS Guy pulled off his homophobia thread but unlike this universe’s DS Guy who supposedly changed his ways to not be a huge conservative head anymore, he decided to triple down on this server and started becoming the leader of some evangelical christians who believe Jesus is coming. DS Guy: “MY DEAR CHRISTIANS, THE TIME HAS COME FOR JESUS CHRIST TO COME FROM HEAVEN AND GREET US. Those who don’t believe in our religion will perish as a result. If you don’t believe me, watch the iconic sequel to Left Behind which I directed! (except I couldn’t get Nicholas Cage this time…)” Evangelist Rob: “Look at our courageous leader, Don. Never seen such a man with this much rizz.” Evangelist Don: “Yeah, Rob. He’s gonna get them gyatts for real.” DS Guy: We’ll show them losers what they came here for!!! Now let’s do this ritual (which is totally not un-christian) to summon our lord! What people don’t know about this universe’s DS Guy is that he has been performing dark magic to do illusions to trick people into thinking it’s real. His powers have been getting stronger for 8 years and doing a Jesus illusion is something he might actually pull off. DS Guy (in his mind): Yes, YESSS, my powers are working. Soon I’ll make these losers think I’m summoning Jesus. Then I’ll show the world my illusions and I’ll become rich and famous! With his powers at the most height, he actually pulls it off and fake summons Jesus Christ or so he thinks so. Evangelist Rob: “Gasp Don, our lord and savior is here at last!” Evangelist Don: “Ikr, Rob, it is our glorious day!” Jesus Christ: “yes my fellow leaders, It is I, Jesus Christ!” DS Guy (in his mind): “HAHAHA my magic worked! but wait a minute, this isn’t an illusion, this is actually HIM!” Jesus Christ: “and l come to tell you this message!” DS Guy: “oh no…” Jesus Christ: “You guys have been a bunch of losers who are following a corrupt af leader. He has been performing dark magic to do illusions. That bitch boy thought he could make an illusion out of me, he was WRONG! And shame on all of you for being crazy evangelists and shunning and bullying marginalized people this whole time. Jesus loves all. Jesus respects all religions that aren’t cults like this. I was a palestinian jewish for god’s sake. ” DS Guy: “Oh my master, sorry for ever doubting you. Is there any revelation you can say about us? What is our lord saying?” Jesus Christ: “well he’s saying a bunch of critiques about how the earth is filled with idiots. Also he and I agree on one thing. KAMP KORAL SUCKS ASS. Anyway bye bye, I just wanted to come back to own this fucker.” DS Guy: “well I can’t wait to tell this to people.” Evangelists: “This guy turned out to be bozo, LET’S GET HIM!!!” And now these dumb evangelists are beating DS Guy’s ass. Everyone’s happy I guess in the end. Except DS Guy. The End.

This universe is so fucking stupid and hateful. Most of the world is full of dumbasses, we’re going backwards, and there are more and more wars, all because everyone just fucking hates each other. What a shitty universe. Or is it? Because what if I told you, if you ranked all infinite universes by how petty and hateful they are, your universe is actually in the top 15%? Yeah, somehow, your universe is a bit better than the average one. Isn’t that sad? Well, do you want to see what the average universe looks like? Let’s see what it looks like, as we ponder the question of: What If? Episode 17: What if... We found out what Stephen Hillenburg truly wanted? Quick note before the episode begins. This episode takes place in the future, so most characters are descendants of SBC members (and a couple are based on SpongeBob youtubers). Therefore, the names are different but based on the people they're a descendent of. But I imagine other people won't instantly know who is who, so here is a list of what every character is referencing, in chronological order, so you can understand what every character is based on. I recommend only using this when you don't know who a character is, to prevent spoilers. The year is 2177. The world is a dystopian hellhole. Why? Because no one can agree on what Stephen Hillenburg wanted. Did he approve of the spin-offs? Or was he against them ever happening? No one truly knows, but everyone fights over it (except perhaps the fabled land of Ultrastunting Force 51, ruled by the great HawkbitSigma, but no one even knows if that place is real or not). The world is divided into two sides, each based on what Hillenburg wanted. All around the world, there are fights daily. The world is complete chaos, and it has been for over 150 years. What Hillenburg wanted is truly the only thing anyone cares about. Trump was on pace to win the 2024 election, but after a video was leaked where Trump admitted he kinda likes The Patrick Star Show, everyone rioted, and he lost in a landslide. And even now, things are just as chaotic as ever. In 2175, the president of the United States, President Squidward, was assassinated, and replaced with the new president, President Squidward. President Squidward was then assassinated in 2176, and replaced with President Squidward. President Squidward was then assassinated and replaced with President Squidward, just three days ago. At the SBC (Scientific Breakthrough Center), a lot of scientific research happens, and it is one of the only places in the world focusing on improving the world, rather than fighting against each other. Ran by Applausy and jjsthe9thoutof11kids (usually known as jjs), the center is the successor of an ancient forum named The SpongeBob Community. And this center also may have made the most important invention of all time….. “MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I HAVE FINALLY DONE IT! I HAVE FINALLY MANAGED TO RESURRECT A DEAD PERSON! SPEAK WUMBO, SPEAK!” DoctorSponge exclaimed. “Why did you Yahoos revive me??? I was enjoying being dead," Wumbo asked. “Ok, fine. I just needed to revive you as a test anyway." DoctorSponge said. “Any final words?” StarryFace asked. “Cherry Cheese Cake." Wumbo said, before his life was ended once again. “We need to tell jjs about this, this could solve the Hillenburg conflict once and for all!” StarryFace exclaimed. “Yes, we need to tell everyone right away and decide what exactly to do. We still need to figure out where Hillenburg’s grave is, and we need to decide who should be the one to get the truth." DoctorSponge said. Later that night, the entire center met in the meeting room to discuss what should be done. “I can’t believe this thing is working. We may have finally found a way to figure out the truth and end this insanity!” jjs said. “Now all we need is to know where Hillenburg was buried. We still have no idea how to actually find him." Stone Sponge said. “Actually, that’s not entirely true. I figured out who knows the location of Hillenburg," Zee said; Everyone was shocked. “How long have you known this information???” ParticipationAward asked. “About a month, but I have no idea how we’ll get them to share that information. But it’s a start at least." Zee said. “So, who should be the one to ask Hillenburg for the information? Who deserves to be able to get that the most?” DoctorSponge asked. Instantly, everyone looked at palpitoadthemaflote. They all knew she deserved it more than anyone else. When she was young, her parents, danganropathetotaldramaisland and veemontheveemonly, had been murdered by the LockedDoorManiac, who had noticed their door was locked and broke in to murder them. Ever since then, she had been an orphan, and it was her life dream to figure out the truth, and to end the conflict and chaos caused by this mystery. Everyone knew she should be the one to figure out the truth first. “Well, that settles it. palpitoadthemaflote will be the one to get this question answered once and for all.” jjs declared. “Listen to me palpitoad. You need to figure out where Hillenburg’s body is, and then get the truth from him. And you need to do it as quickly as possible, with how dangerous the world is." said Applausy. Suddenly, the ClosedWindowManiac broke in, and attacked PaperCha. “Oh no, did we leave the window closed again?” said SpongeLoudFan. “EVERYONE ATTACK!” Applausy yelled, and everyone defended the room from the maniac, trying to knock him out the now-opened window. “Here, this is the location Zee says the person who knows Hillenburg’s location is. Now get out of here quickly, before the ClosedWindowManiac can attack you!" Applausy demanded, before turning to fight the maniac. “We’ll be fine, just go!” Palpitoadthemaflote quickly ran out of the building, and hurried to the location she was given. To her surprise, it ended up being in the middle of a forest, rather than a house or somewhere in a city. To her shock, a Luxray appeared right where the location was. She hadn’t even known pokemon existed! “What are you doing in our land?” the Luxray asked. “Oh, I heard you know where Stephen Hillenburg’s body is located. I was wondering if you could tell me where that is?" palpitoad asked. “WHO TOLD YOU THAT?” the Luxray asked angrily. “Whatever, it doesn’t matter, the answer is no. Do you seriously think I can trust a random human with this information?” “You can trust me," palpitoad said, before deciding to ask a question. “Also, just wondering, but who are you? I didn’t know Luxrays were even real." “I’m WinterLuxray, and I’m one of the WinterPokemon. Our ancestor, WinterArcanine, tried to stop the Hillenburg war from happening, and to make the world a better place, but unfortunately humans are just too garbage of a species, and he never succeeded. Instead, he transformed into an Arcanine, and created a place for future WinterPokemon to live, away from the evils of humanity. Now fuck off. We don’t need you people here." WinterLuxray explained. Palpitoad was surprised to hear a name she recognized. WinterArcanine had been a member of SBC, back before it was a scientific center. “I agree with you about humanity. Our species truly is awful. But I’m trying to fix that. I’m trying to stop this madness, and create a better world for everyone. But I need to know where Hillenburg is. It’s the only way to fix this.” WinterLuxray refused to change his mind. “No. I don’t trust a single one of you with this information. It doesn’t matter how many times any of us tries to make this world any better, all it does is screw us over. This world isn’t fixable. All we want is a good world, and no one will ever allow for that. People don’t want to live well, they’d rather make others live like garbage.” “Please, I really can end this war. We’ve invented a machine that can revive dead bodies and speak to them. We can get the truth and end this mystery once and for all. It’s the first time we’ve had this chance, and you just won’t let it happen? You want a good world, this is how we get it. End this war, and we’ll be able to help create a better world. For you. For me. For everyone. And all I need is this information." She realized that WinterLuxray seemed teary-eyed. “Ok. Fine. If you think this can help end this insanity…..fine. He’s buried in the Encino Graveyard, where the park from Atlantis Squarepantis used to be. His grave doesn’t have a name on it. It’s next to the grave of Intrancity.” “Thank you." palpitoad responded. “You’re welcome," WinterLuxray said, before running away and out of sight. Being from New Jersey, it took a long time for palpitoad to get to Encino. A fellow SBC member, ZaidCarGod, drove her over to Encino, but even then, it still took a long time. With how dangerous and dystopian the world is, it takes a long time to get anywhere. Eventually, she made it to Encino, and the place looked even more dystopian than expected. The place looked almost abandoned, the buildings were damaged, and it had a creepy vibe to it. Suddenly, she heard a TV from outside a building. “BREAKING NEWS, COMING TO YOU LIVE FROM SBLNN”, SDL announced, the newscaster of the most popular news channel, SBLNN, and a descendent of the original owner, SBL. “The attack on Encino from one of PieGuyRulzVI’s leading armies continues, with 200 more people dead in the past week. They have continued their search for anyone who believes Hillenburg wanted spinoffs in an attempt to kill all of them. More news coming soon!” Palpitoadthemaflote had no idea that this was happening. Scared, she looked behind her to see the army on the other side of the street. “Well, well, well. I see there’s an SBC member present today.”, said Aweful, the leader of this army. “You think Hillenburg wanted the spin-off, don’t you? Well, we can’t have that, can we?” “No, I don’t think that. He definitely didn’t want it!” But she was not very convincing. “Oh please, we all know the truth. You’re a very bad liar, you realize that?” “Ok fine…..look, I don’t know what Hillenburg wanted. And you people are insane for thinking you could possibly know what a man who died over 150 years ago wanted!" palpitoad replied back. “Claiming that you can’t know what he thought is as bad as pretending that he wanted the spinoffs. And you know what? It’s about time you died already. Alright guys, KILL HER!” Palpitoadthemaflote had no choice but to fight back. Luckily, she had a lot of experience in fighting armies. She instantly kicked Aweful, and dodged an attack from another army member. The army fought back, but she was so good at battling. She punched Crystal, dodged an attack from PenBaz and retaliated back with a kick, tripped PatFront to the ground, and kept fighting them off, but she was simply too outnumbered. Eventually, DadMom HappyPants was able to get her onto the ground, and the army surrounded her and prepared to finish her off. Suddenly, they heard a yell. “FUCK YOU!” The PieGuy army looked over to see an army from an opposing group who believes Hillenburg wanted the spinoffs. They were another very powerful army, led by the legendary Fug. Now distracted, the PieGuy army ran over to the other army to fight. Palpitoad joined the opposing army to help fight off the army who had just tried to kill her. BobCucumber and El Jaico defeated Dishonest Slug, Dedeklu defeated 4EverPurple, Spearyena fittingly stabbed FineDiner with a spear. One by one, the army members were defeated. Dino defeated TheLocalLander, Meepeem defeated CupCake, dwomandawoman defeated hippythethreebears, Tea_Hater defeated Newtreefan. palpitoadthemaflote herself defeated LightDG and Pink. Fug was fighting tons of members at a time, and was doing very well. Unfortunately, he eventually ended up getting stabbed to death by Aweful. Knowing that they were going to lose, Aweful said “Well, we’ve slain the legendary Fug! I think we’ve done enough to them," and fled. Fug’s army members mourned their loss, and palpitoad really wanted to join then, but she didn’t have time. She had almost died, and she needed to make sure she got the truth before she died for real. Finally, she made it to the Encino Graveyard. It was a very big graveyard, and it was full of many graves to search through. “Here lies JCM’s hopes and dreams" Nope, that’s not it. “Ssj4gogita4 is here4gogita4" Nope, not that either. Finally, she found a gravestone that said “The DIVINE Intrancity” and she saw the blank gravestone next to it. She dug up the grave and opened the tombstone to see Hillenburg’s dead body. She couldn’t believe that she was seeing the most important man in human history’s body for herself. She brought out the machine and revived the dead body, bringing Hillenburg back to life. Finally, she was gonna get the truth to everything! “Hillenburg, the world needs to know. What is your thoughts on the SpongeBob spinoffs? Did you want them? Or were you against them existing?" “Honestly, I just wanted it to be confirmed that Sandy Cheeks died in a car accident when she was just a younger squirrel." Hillenburg responded. And he took out his Spongey Gun that no one knew he had, and shot himself in the head, destroying his brain and knocking his head off of his body, to ensure that no one ever woke him up from his death ever again.

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