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JCM Joins a Protest (JCM and his dad are watching Tucker Tuckerson Tonight on Faux News.) Tucker: …and that’s why skinny jeans are destroying America. Speaking of things that are destroying America, I have troubling news out of Circuit City, where Clapmaster, social studies teacher at the SpongeBob Community School, has been teaching his students something awful. According to my sources, he’s been telling kids that the patriots who built this great country owned black people as slaves! JCM: (gasps) He would never! Tucker: I couldn’t believe my ears when I heard it, too. Slavery? What is this, ancient Egypt? We cannot let him continue to spread these vicious lies, which is why I’ll be sponsoring a protest at that school tomorrow. And speaking of sponsors, it’s time for us to pay our bills. Commercial: CAN’T GET YOUR DICK UP? WE’VE GOT JUST THE THING FOR YOU! JCM: Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! Dad, can you drive me to the protest at SBC tomorrow? JCM’s dad: What happened to your scooter? JCM: I wrecked it again. Trees keep popping up out of nowhere! JCM’s dad: The next scooter is coming out of your allowance! (The next day, JCM is dropped off at the SpongeBob Community School, which has thousands of protestors in front of it, most of them old, white, and male.) Protestors: Fire Clappy! Fire Clappy! (Jjs and Clappy walk out of the school with annoyed expressions.) Jjs: What will it take to get rid of you all? Protestors: Fire Clappy! JCM: Yeah! What they said! Jjs: JCM? Are you responsible for this? JCM: No, the great Tucker Tuckerson is! Jjs: The Faux News host? Figured he would have better things to do than to send these idiots after us. Protestors: Boo! JCM: We’re not idiots! We have legible aggreances! Jjs: I taught you English for five years, JCM. You can do better than that. JCM: We’re here because instead of teaching history, Clappy has been teaching his students fibs! Jjs: Clappy, is this true? Clappy: Of course it isn’t! What “fibs” have I been teaching? JCM: According to Tucker, you’ve been telling kids that white people in this country owned black people as…sorry. I’m trying to keep it together. (One of the protesters give a sobbing JCM a tissue which he then blows his nose into.) JCM: As slaves! Clappy: And? I’ve been telling my kids that because that’s what actually happened. Protestors: Boo! (Suddenly, a limo appears behind the protestors, and Tucker Tuckerson walks out of it. The protestors’ boos turn into cheers.) Tucker: Please, please. I don’t deserve all of this attention, but it’s certainly appreciated, and it couldn’t hurt to give me some more. Clappy: Call off the dogs, Tucker. Tucker: Or what? Clappy: Or I’ll tell everyone who you really are. (Tucker starts to look around nervously.) Tucker: What…what are you talking about? Clappy: Jjs, do you have some Molotov cocktails on you? Jjs: Of course! (Jjs takes a Molotov cocktail out of each pocket.) Jjs: Never leave home without them. Protestor 1: What are you doing? Clappy: Think fast! (Clappy takes the Molotov cocktails from Jjs and throws them at Tucker, forcing him to freeze them with his ice powers.) Tucker: Shit. (The protesters gasp as Tucker transforms into Elsa.) JCM: Elsa? Why would you pretend to be a Faux News host all this time? Elsa: (shrugs) I was bored. Protestor 1: We’ve been taking orders from a woman this whole time? Protestor 2: That’s bullshit! (The protestors leave in disgust. JCM runs to Elsa sobbing again.) JCM: Was it all a lie? Was everything you told your loyal Faux News viewers this entire time a lie? Elsa: Well, not everything. I did actually think Vaporeon was the hottest Pokémon, but since I’m being honest now, I’m feeling Gardevoir a little more these days. Clappy: …fuck this. I’m out. (Clappy goes back into the school, and jjs follows him.) Elsa: Now that I’m thinking about Gardevoir again, I’m going home to do…stuff. (Elsa disappears in a burst of ice.) JCM: (looks around) Can somebody call me an Uber? (The End)