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  1. SEASON III REVENGE OF THE ONE-TIMERS War! The Star Wars franchise is crumbling under the overabundance of underdeveloped characters. There are one-timers on both sides. Memes are everywhere. In a stunning move, the fiendish Disney CEO, Bob Iger, has announced a glut of new Star Wars series exclusive to Disney+, further ignoring the stories of these characters. As brand new Star Wars media attempts to pretend these characters never existed in the first place, jjs and OWM lead a desperate mission to give these one-timers justice.... EPISODE XXI: LEGO CHARACTERS We begin this season with something unorthodox: tales from the Lego universe. Scholars have debated if these characters are truly canon or worth including, but we are here to tell you their stories are as valid as everyone else’s. Jedi Bob Poor Bob was never quite the same after boarding that Republic gunship to Geonosis. The sight of his fallen comrades along with hordes of stinky dead Geonosians haunted him every waking moment, until he could no longer tolerate it. Turning in his lightsaber, Bob left the Jedi Order as the Clone Wars began to forge his own path in the galaxy. Hopping from universe to universe, he adopted countless different roles in countless different realities: a medieval knight, a scruffy pirate, an unspecified civilian driving a car. “Jedi” Bob was more than just that, of course. He had become an all-powerful entity, able to assume any role he pleased thanks to the powers of mysterious plastic blocks and a childish imagination. This, of course, made him the most powerful Jedi to ever exist. Oni Jass Oni Jass was a man of mysterious origins. Few even knew of his existence to begin with, and those who did described him as only “the individual.” No one seemed to agree on what he did for a living. But we at OTSWC know perfectly who he was: he was a big game galaxy hunter. You could catch him on Dathomir slaughtering the mightiest rancor he could find, just so he could rest its plucked teeth atop his trophy case, or on Twon Ketee spearing rahtars for his dinner. It’s even been said that he had bested a Zillo Beast on Malastare in an epic eighty-day battle. But a trophy hunter’s life does not sustain itself for long. After meeting his husband Hugh, he realized this life wasn’t for him anymore. They live a quiet life together now on a peaceful, uncharted planet. Growly Growly had quite the tough time fitting in on Corellia, often being mocked for having three eyes. But there was hidden potential deep inside the misunderstood, young lad. Due to his third eye, he was naturally gifted with maneuvering in a ship, a talent he would show off in street races. One day, a mysterious blue man approached Growly. He noticed the stranger had blazing red eyes and wore a fancy white Imperial outfit, but wasn’t quite sure who he was. Growly feared for a moment he was in trouble with the Empire, but on the contrary. The man was impressed with his talents after an informant alerted him of Growly’s flying capabilities and made him an offer of a lifetime. The man offered him a role in a mysterious organization known as the Chiss Ascendancy. Growly was never seen on Corellia again after that offer. Kinn Zih The people of Jakku always found Kinn to be an oddball on a planet filled with them. He had an extensive gun collection and many labeled him as a gun nut, but in truth, he was secretly an arms dealer. He made quite a living off of it, since Jakku didn’t have much else to offer. Some of his clients included: the Hutt Cartel, pirates, various other scum, and an infamous spice kingpin known as “The Danger”, who rose to prominence after Elan Sleazebaggano’s death. Kinn eventually amassed a fortune of credits and left Jakku, affording his own private home on the tropical planet of Sesid, living the good life. Jay Jay, Jo Jo, and Jee Jee Binks As Naboo’s first Senator, Jar Jar Binks met more Gungans than he could ever hope to comprehend. Staffers and well-wishers came pouring in to greet and thank him for his victory against the Trade Federation. But there was one alien he may have gotten a little too close with: Queen Julia of Bardotta. Yes, the Gungan statesman and the Bardottan royal defied physiology to create three little triplet freaks of nature. Their births led to “Jargate,” a political scandal sensationalized enough to strip their father of his position as Senator. While the triplets had otherwise normal childhoods on Naboo, they soon found their places in the world once they reached adulthood: Jay Jay relocated to her mother’s homeland of Bardotta, where, as the oldest, she soon inherited the title of Queen. You might think this would’ve brought Naboo and Bardotta closer together, but it just reminded everyone of those really awkward times. Expect the planet to overthrow her soon. Jo Jo felt the need to support his father, who was now working as a disgraced street clown on the streets of Theed. Mooching off Jay Jay’s lucrative business, he was able to buy a cheap freighter in order to take the act to the next stage. Keep your eyes peeled for “Jo Jo’s Circus,” a travelling show touring the Mid Rim later this fall. Jee Jee, who has somehow enabled the Binks family’s glorious return to public service, is now Supreme Glorious Minister of Naboo serving alongside Supreme Glorious Savior and Minister for the People Juan Juan Guaidó. Rumor has it that Jee Jee may be taking things over soon after a very convenient assassination. We hope you did your summer re-watches, because we continue our tales tomorrow with some characters from one of Star Wars' many series.
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  2. 109. Soundcloud Rapper: Please Don’t Stop The Beat Film: Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping Told in the form of a musical documentary, Kevin Friel is a musical prodigy at an early age, and he forms a Soundcloud rap group dubbed "The SBC Boyz", with his Floridan childhood friends Fred and Salmon. They almost instantly gain fame in the music industry, inspiring many of today's musicians. However, after failing to receive credit for writing Kevin's guest verse on the Popheads-winning single “Please Don’t Stop The Beat", Fred leaves. After the SBC Boyz disband, Kevin becomes a solo act, taking on the name "Kev4Real", with Salmon as his DJ. Fred begins farming in Colorado after a failed attempt at going solo. Kevin's debut album Why, Surprised? rockets to the top of the charts and his fame increases. In 2020, Kevin releases his sophomore album The Last Great Kev Dynasty, which is heavily panned due to him writing every single song himself as well as using hundreds of different producers rather than Salmon's original beats. With sales surprisingly low, Kevin's manager NewLeafFan suggests having Tesla sponsor the tour. Tesla cars begin playing Kevin's songs when in use, causing a nationwide power outage that generates a wave of backlash among Kevin's fans. Kevin begins his album tour, but the shows do not sell as well as he had hoped. NewLeafFan suggests they hire hip-hop artist Young Nug as an opening act, and the ticket sales begin to rise. Kevin starts to add new gimmicks to his act, including a robotic shark mask for Salmon, publicizing his relationship with actress Daisy Ridley, and a stage trick where he changes costumes in seconds behind a curtain. The trick only works as a result of Kevin having to hide his jewels behind his legs, but the trick is seemingly botched in Nashville, when Kevin is exposed as a live nude prankster mid-concert, and becomes the subject of mockery. Kevin's publicist, Homie, suggests he pull another publicity stunt to deflect attention from his humiliation. Kevin decides to propose to Daisy on live TV, with a display including a number of trained wolves and a performance by Ding. Ding's vocals agitate the wolves and they break loose, mauling the attendees. Ding fights off a wolf from experience, even saying his facial scar came from wolves. However he also gets mauled seconds later. The backlash against Kevin grows, and Daisy breaks up with him and starts dating Ding, who sues Kevin for his injuries. Salmon, worried about the declining quality of his friend's music, sets up a meeting between himself, Kevin, and Fred. The reunion ends poorly when Kevin refuses to acknowledge that Fred wrote the track that launched his career. Despite Kevin's poor reputation, The Yesternight Show agrees to book him on an episode. Host JCM in a cameo suddenly invites Kevin to perform the SBC Boyz' hit song “Tea Serve" along with Salmon, which is received well by the crowd despite Kevin's reluctance. As the tour progresses, Nuggets begins to overshadow Kevin, selling more records than him and dragging out his act before Kevin's show. At a concert, Nuggets announces that he will perform as long as possible, causing Kevin to rush to the stage. A brawl ensues when Nuggets quietly admits that he orchestrated Kevin's wardrobe malfunction. Kevin demands that NewLeafFan let Nuggets go and fires NewLeafFan after finding out that he has signed Nuggets. The Last Great Kev Dynasty is later knocked off the charts and Tesla decides to pull their sponsorship. The remainder of the tour is cancelled, and Salmon decides to leave the team when Kevin questions his loyalty. After his beloved pet turtle Kev Jr. dies, Kevin sinks into a depression and moves back into his mother's house. He begins drinking heavily and starts selling crude horse drawings online. Homie forces Kevin to leave the house and takes him to a club featuring Salmon. Salmon's music and production are strong, though his singing is subpar. Kevin and Salmon reconcile and decide to finally make amends with Fred. Kevin gives Fred his Pophead award and apologizes, acknowledging Fred's contribution to his music. Kevin and Salmon discover that Fred owns a giant marijuana farm and a music studio in his farmhouse. As the three get high and collaborate in Fred's studio, Kevin receives news from Homie that a six-minute slot has opened for Kevin to perform at the Popheads Music Awards as a result of Billie Eillish being arrested for murder, and with encouragement from his friends, he decides to reunite The SBC Boyz. At the Popheadies, Nuggets humiliates himself after arguing with Megan Thee Stallion on stage and NewLeafFan quits as Nuggets's manager after being insulted by him. Kevin reconciles with NewLeafFan and later finds out that the six-minute slot has been shortened to three minutes, forcing him to perform either a Kev4Real song or a SBC Boyz song. Kevin decides to perform The SBC Boyz's new song "Incredible Thots" featuring The Lonely Island (how meta). The film ends with Kevin reflecting on the lessons he has learned and the value of holding onto relationships after reaching stardom, and introduces a new baby turtle named Kev Jr. 2, before a wolf from Kevin's disastrous proposal attacks him.
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  3. Credit to OMJ for this suggestion. 108. OWM Film: Dredd (2012) The future SBC is a dystopic irradiated wasteland known as the Cursed Website. On the east side lies the Mega Discord City, a violent metropolis with 400 million users and 17,000 serious crimes reported daily. The only force for order are the Mods who act as judge, jury and executioner. Mod OWM is tasked by the Chief Mod Jjs with evaluating new recruit Cha, a powerful psychic who marginally failed the aptitude tests to become a Mod. In a 200-storey slum tower block called Nautical Trees, spam lord WhaleBlubber executes three rogue spam dealers (Jelly Lelly, Man Cartman and Jenna4), by having them skinned alive. They are infused with Blubber Nuggets (an addictive, chewy new type of spam which reduces the user's perception of time to 1% of normal) and thrown down to the atrium from the top floor. OWM and Cha are sent in to investigate, and learn of a spam den which they raid. They arrest a thug named Bl4ze, whom Cha's mind probe reveals to be the one that carried out the executions, and OWM decides to take him in for questioning. In response, WhaleBlubber's forces seize the tower's security control room and seal the building (closing its blast shield doors under the pretext of a security test) to prevent the Mods from leaving or summoning help. WhaleBlubber orders OWM and Cha killed, forcing the Mods to fight their way through dozens of armed thugs. Arriving at the 76th floor, the Mods are assaulted by WhaleBlubber and his men with rotary cannons that rip through the walls, killing numerous residents. The Mods breach an outer wall and call for backup. Meanwhile, WhaleBlubber sends his henchman Person to search for the Mods. When they meet, OWM throws Person off the tower in full view of WhaleBlubber, disposable as his name implied. OWM suspects WhaleBlubber is desperate to keep Bl4ze quiet and beats him for information. Cha reads Bl4ze's mind and learns that Nautical Trees is the centre of Blubber Nuggets production and distribution. Cha suggests they hide while awaiting assistance, but OWM insists they move up the tower and pursue WhaleBlubber. Mods Trophy and Fred respond to OWM's call, but WhaleBlubber's computer expert (JCM in a cameo) denies them entry by persuading them the security system is malfunctioning. A pair of armed teens (KingBoo112 and BoringKid) confront OWM and Cha, allowing Bl4ze to disarm and overpower Cha. Bl4ze then escapes with her as hostage, and takes her to WhaleBlubber's base on the top floor. While OWM works his way towards WhaleBlubber, he calls in the corrupt Mods tvguy, sbs1fan, CNF1 and Dragiiin. The four relieve Trophy and Fred from duty and are allowed into the building. OWM encounters CNF1 and is suspicious that he does not ask about Cha's status. Seeing his cover blown, CNF1 attacks OWM, but is killed. Meanwhile, Bl4ze tries to execute Cha with her own weapon, but the pistol’s DNA scanner does not recognize him and explodes, taking his hand off. She escapes and later encounters sbs1fan, whom she promptly kills after reading her mind. Elsewhere, OWM kills Dragiiin but runs out of ammunition. He is subsequently shot and injured by tvguy, but OWM stalls him long enough for Cha to arrive and kill tvguy. Cha and OWM obtain the code to WhaleBlubber's apartment from his computer expert and confront him. WhaleBlubber tells OWM that if he dies, a device on his wrist will detonate explosives on the top floors, destroying the building. Reasoning that the detonator's signal will not reach the explosives from the ground floor, OWM forces WhaleBlubber to inhale Blubber Nuggets and throws him down the atrium to his death, ending his criminal legacy. In the aftermath, Cha accepts that she has failed her evaluation by getting disarmed, and leaves. Chief Mod Jjs asks OWM about Cha's performance; he responds that she has passed. Cha then rides off into the sunset on a motorcycle.
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  4. 107. MEE6 Film: WALL-E In the 29th century, rampant consumerism, corporate greed, and environmental neglect have turned planet Earth into a garbage-strewn wasteland; humanity is nowhere to be found and has been evacuated by the mega corporation Discord on giant strainers seven centuries earlier. Of all the binocular-eyed trash robots left by Discord to clean up, only one remains operational: MEE6. One day, MEE6's routine of compressing trash and collecting interesting objects is broken by the arrival of an unmanned probe carrying an egg-shaped robot named Chuu, sent to scan the planet for human-sustainable life. MEE6 is smitten by the sleek, otherworldly robot, and the two begin to connect until Chuu goes into standby when MEE6 shows her his most recent find: a living seedling. The probe then collects Chuu and the plant, and—with MEE6 clinging on—returns to its mothership, the starliner The Skeld. In the centuries since the Skeld left Earth, its passengers have degenerated into helpless corpulence due to laziness and microgravity, their every whim catered to by machinery; even the captain, JCM in an extended cameo, is used to sitting back while his robot steering wheel Robot Jones flies the ship. JCM is unprepared to receive the positive probe response, but discovers that placing the plant in the ship's Holo-Detector will trigger a hyper-jump back to Earth so humanity can begin recolonization. Upon inspecting Chuu's storage compartment, however, the plant is missing, and Chuu blames MEE6 for its disappearance. Chuu is deemed to be sussy and taken to the MedBay. Mistaking the process for torture, MEE6 intervenes, causing him and Chuu to be designated as rogues. Frustrated, Chuu tries to send MEE6 home in an escape pod, but they witness Robot Jones’s henchbot Bender stowing the taken plant in a pod set to self-destruct. MEE6 then jumps aboard the pod in an attempt to save the plant but is then launched into space along with the plant. Chuu then uses an emergency exit to chase after MEE6 and witnesses the pod explode. MEE6 survives and saves the plant, and he and Chuu reconcile and celebrate with a dance in space around the Skeld. Chuu brings the plant back to JCM, who watches Chuu's recordings of Earth and concludes that they have to go back. However, Robot Jones is revealed to be loyal only to his own secret no-return directive A420—issued after Discord incorrectly concluded centuries ago that the planet could not be saved—even when JCM countermands it; Robot Jones mutinies with Bender as a result, electrocuting and frying MEE6's circuit board, putting Chuu into standby, throwing them both down the garbage chute, and locking JCM in his quarters. Chuu and MEE6 are nearly ejected into space along with the ship's trash but are saved by Unbelievaboat, who has been following MEE6's dirt trail across the ship. As humans and robots help in securing the plant, JCM and Robot Jones fight for control, resulting in MEE6 being crushed in the Holo-Detector when he tries to keep it open; JCM eventually overpowers and deactivates Robot Jones, and the plant is inserted into the Holo-Detector, initiating the hyper-jump. Arriving back on Earth, Chuu repairs MEE6 but finds that his memory has been reset and his character is gone. Sadly, Chuu gives MEE6 a goodbye kiss, which sparks his memory and restores his original personality. MEE6 and Chuu reunite as the inhabitants of the Skeld take their first steps on Earth. During the credits, humans, crew mates and robots turn the ravaged planet into a paradise, and the plant is shown to have grown into a mighty tree the following century, of which Chuu and MEE6 stand before together.
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