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  1. 12 points
    Joined this website exactly ten years ago. Whew, where'd all that time go? <333
  2. 11 points
    As of today, SBC is now 11 years old! It's hard to believe as the years keep increasing and we keep feeling older. Thanks to everyone who has still stuck by us even in the current year.
  3. 10 points
    https://ktla.com/news/local-news/black-panther-star-chadwick-boseman-dies-of-cancer-at-43/ Genuinely heartbroken and frozen up right now.
  4. 10 points
    No sexists and incels allowed on SBC from this point forward!
  5. 9 points
    My grandma passed away today, and i'm gonna miss her so much :(
  6. 8 points
    https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/ncna990066 Damn you 2020, you vile fiend.
  7. 8 points
    i miss talking to you all. and i know things have simmered down, but i'm sorry for my behaviors I've shown on and off throughout the years. I really hate how I handled things at first with passive agressiveness, and trying to justify shit that is absolutely inexcusable. Slurs are absolutely above me, and I went way too far repeating slurs for laughs when it isn't funny. It's fucking racist, and that's something I don't want to ever be. And I'm fucking down I've hurt many friends of mine, and I understand everyone knowing I can be better than this, I will admit I got mad at Halibut for the first two months or so since I was still acting like an asshole and made things worse back in July until I finally shut the fuck up and took some time to think, but I regret it all and wish I was able to realize a lot of flaws during the riots (like jesus christ i hate how i sounded very ignorant during the start of the george floyd protests, where i was scared of shit going down in my city when i have no reason to, racial equality is a thing i support, and police brutality is something that needs to be stopped). I know I've also looked manipulative (especially with my own crossover interests, constantly asking friends for art, and yes I appreciated of course, but it's my own ideas that I should really stop being insecure of doing myself in fears of sucking at it. I need to learn to draw and not bother others about my own hobbies), and I hate how I've always said and among some other things, but I just want to say, THANK YOU ALL FOR MAKING ME REALIZE I GOT STUFF TO WORK ON! I have awareness of my wrongdoings, which is good, but I hate how I have trouble doing shit about it, and I still feel stuck on what to do to improve my own self, since I want to respect and have friends who I haven't given in return many times due to my own insecurities. I suck at wording my thoughts but I wanted to get this off my chest since I made myself more alone then ever and it's been affecting my online life OCD-wise where I can't keep my tweets/discord posts most of the time becuse some intrusive thought feels like it stays there until i delete it, so annoying, but that's for my therapist. I would love to return to discord, but I'm anxious I'm not ready yet due to ocd. I hope everyone's doing okay still, and I'd love to talk because I have a lot of guilt of a lot of things and I think I just want to put it behind me and try to help myself become a better person.
  8. 8 points
    (Credit goes to Local for this logo) This is our August event winner, the idea of which crafted by @4EverGreen in the submission thread. As the title suggests, this is a noir mystery event. This enigmatic event will begin August 14th and conclude August 29th. Throughout, there will be a giant overarching mystery centered around our Whodunnit game, with a new spin to it. Every event and activity we hold will be semi-connected to the Whodunnit mystery. You will be able to win clues and hints from other events, pointing you in the right direction of this caper's culprit. Here's what to expect from the event: Whodunnit?: The main course of this event. Use your detective skills to figure out one of our most perplexing cases yet! A seemingly cheerful party at Goofy Goober's ends up going very south... Mystery with a Twistery: The second main course of this event, a roleplaying game directly connected to the Whodunnit and taking place in the aftermath. Participate in scavenger hunts, trivia questions and more; whoever wins in the end will get the ultimate clue directing them to the culprit. SpongeBob Pictionary: There will be two games on August 15th and 22nd that will count for this event! Put your detective skills to good use by deciphering mystery drawings! Arcade Tournaments: Grind out arcade high scores in JCM's new flash game additions and win yourself some clues! Cards Against Humanity: Solve the mystery of whose card is the funniest as CAH returns once more! iFish: 15 new detective themed items will be designed by Patty and Cha. You can also use these new items to submit your fish for an iFish costume contest! SBC Music Parties: Take a break from detective work and jam out on OWM's cytube every Friday night during the event! (Though, perhaps the mystery will continue here too...) Minigame - Magnifying Mystery: Use your magnifying glasses to analyze classified documents and you may earn some clues! To keep up the mystery theme though, there may be more surprises in store! You'll just have to look for them and be patient like any detective...
  9. 8 points
    3a. “Mermaid Man & Barnacleboy VII: The Motion Picture II” While waiting in line for the newest Mermaid Man & Barnacleboy movie, SpongeBob and Patrick find themselves in a pickle with Bikini Bottom’s newest arrival: Al-Qaeda. #5:
  10. 7 points
    Sorry, no inanimte object rights thread this time, tragic i know. you ever think how in rock bottom straight after the egg babies are born they are forced to wait in a line for information, thus confirming the child labor in that particular city. also they’re born with pants on, years and years of evolution of the extreme work environment in said city of said part of said ocean? what else could there be then our heroes soongebob and patrick had no idea of? child trafficking? think about it. these children are given instructions at birth to do whatever their raspberry blowing overlord demands of them. And their so called “father” is in on it too, in this picture it could be interpreted that he’s there to auction off his own blood and egg. 329? More like the branding code these sickos use to scar the guppies for the rest of their nature born lives. it’s a scary thought for sure. but i DOUBT the litter loving police would even care to bust any of this, they rather be straightening fire hydrants than straightening out pedophiles of the sea. And what about the particular two sets of bathrooms designations? Although I am no Rock Bottomian, so I can’t comment on said thing. Perhaps it’s a cultural thing and said two bathroom labels of question marks (at least they look like question marks in our basic language) are of greater meaning than the limited labels we as a general cisgender, gender-conforming lackluster of the truly widely span of gender identities. Perhaps question mark upside down and question mark right side up are BEYOND that. So I truly apologize as someone who has no knowledge of Rock Bottomian history. With this I shall take the time to improve myself by looking it up for myself on Fish Google, rather than asking a Bottomian whom I’m sure gets tired of explaining their culture to foreigners. And whom am I to judge their society either? Sure they have child labor and possibly trafficking but doesn’t most places under the sea have crime in all parts of their different cities? But it is not an excuse to ignore the fact that laboring laws and guppy abuse ARE a big problem especially here in this dark city (dark as in physically dark, no insult to the fish who live there.). Much to ponder about.
  11. 7 points
    Longing for its master, it was quick to sprout once it got the snot-tear nourishment it so honestly craved, even making loud slurping noises to confirm it. What do you think? Inanimate object or living plant organism? Squidward’s house has been shown on many occasions coming to life, even having its security system take over it and a mrenter like disembodied voice coming out of it. Has this pineapple had longing feelings ever since its seed of the original pineapple that was sucked away by the nematodes still have feelings for him all these years later? If SpongeBob was to get another pineapple would the seed now fully grown into an Young Adult fruit get extremely jealous? Only time and 13 more seasons of the show will tell, I assume. wait No No... the replacement has already begun. I wonder how the seed felt.
  12. 7 points
  13. 7 points
    @4EverGreen To fill you in, we're posting images that precede "unfortunate events" in the show. For example, OWM's picture is moments before SpongeBob gets emotionally destroyed by a customer, Steel's and Prez's are title cards of infamous eps (even if the latter isn't real), and OMJ's just about speaks for itself. I'm not against posting GIFs if they fit the theme of coming before some unfortunate scene or moment. But random GIFs, simply put, don't belong in this thread. Thanks.
  14. 7 points
    5 years have gone by - how the time flies! (BTW, I know this is a little off, but I guess this month still marks my 5th anniversary...) This month marks my 5th anniversary on SpongeBob forums - and I think it's been quite fun. From my humble beginnings as a lurker, to my eventual sign-up on SBM, I think I was quite excited to be a part of the SpongeBob forum community. Unlike other users - somehow, while lurking through old posts, something about the SBM culture of way-back-when spoke to me - the gay squids, Ice Bear, I'M CUTE LOL, Wander, llamas, etc. I knew that this was unlike everything I had ever imagined could come out of an Internet forum dedicated to that talking cheese and his Bikini Bottom friends. So it was quite stoked to join the forums finally. I remember that I wowed everybody with my knowledge of the SBM culture - as if I was stalking them. I think my early days at SBM could be seen as having their ups and downs. I think that parody I did of "Imitation Krabs" was perhaps one of my finest achievements on ANY SB forum. But I can't forget the downs, unfortunately. Trying to "meme" Elmyra - trying to become popular - I think I was so caught up in wanting attention so badly, and wanting to get "likes" so badly I forgot to just sorta be myself and just do my own thing. I mean, making jokes in the Salty Spittoon? How despicable. And making dozens of clickbait topics? Using reaction images in lieu of an actual response? Seriously? If I could, I would've given my 2015 self a big slap in the face for all of that. I remember Prez once sent me a YT link to the "Jungle Book" song "I Wanna Be Like You" in SBM Chat once - that's a more than accurate summing-up of me in my earliest days as part of SBM. I mean, Elmyra is a cute and funny character - she's a great example of a character who's sweet and cute and loveable - but also not sickingly saccharine - but it's just plain wrong to try and force somebody to like what you like. I almost want to compare myself to H**den, who tried to force people to like his shows. Still I managed to make a few friends in those days, Cha, SOF, Carotte, Prez, Illiniguy, Cake - all wonderful, fun people who I'd like to chat more with sometime on Discord - although my IRL friends will always be closer to me than you guys - I still love you all though. It's just a pity I've not conversed with most of you lately. I remember it was around September I decided to join SBC - but I never really used it too much, I think, except when SBM was down. But eventually I phased out of SBM and started going on SBC more and more - although I did still go on SBM sometimes. It was in 2016 when I think I met the person who became my best friend on either SBM or SBC - Renegade the Unicorn, who you may know as that guy who's into outsider music and the incredibly talented author of several lits, most notably "Power Rangers: Multiverse Force". Easily one of the best people I've met on this site - and it's great that he's into some of the stuff I'm into that not everybody here is. Somehow we've become a little more distant than we have, but I still value our wonderful conversations in our ongoing PMs and on Discord. The other thing I'm most proud of are my literary contributions to the site. I'm not afraid to brag a little: I don't think I'm too bad a writer. Sometimes I come up with really good ideas, and I think I've done some nice work with "The Misadventures of Casper and Wendy", although I've unfortunately neglected it of late. T'is a shame, really - me and Renegade have developed some really good, big plans for it in our PM and I'd really like to see all that stuff happen someday. There's actually a good reason why there's been such a big gap between updates of that topic - RTU started work on the latest-posted chapter, but I don't think it was finished. I literally had the patience of a saint there, until I accepted the fact he was probably too busy to finish it and wrote the latest chapter myself. So, although you probably weren't wondering, that's why there was a gap between posts there. But I digress. I wish I could go on - but to make it quick - it's been five wild, fun, sometimes cringey years with you guys. Thanks for everything.
  15. 7 points
    Patrick Starts a Talk Show Announcer: Welcome to The Patrick Star Show! Here's your host: Patrick Star! (The crowd cheers as Patrick walks into the stage.) Patrick: Thank you, thank you! We've got an amazing show for you tonight! Lincoln Loud is here! (The crowd goes wild.) Patrick: But first: a couple of jokes! (The crowd goes wild.) Patrick: I...haven't actually gotten to the jokes yet. (The crowd goes wild.) Patrick: Let me actually tell some jokes before you start laughing! (The crowd goes wild.) Patrick: That's it! (Patrick takes out a flamethrower and burns the entire audience to a crisp.) Patrick: Now that I can hear myself think... (Patrick takes a piece of paper out of his pocket.) Patrick: Knock knock! (Lincoln Loud, star of the hit Nickelodeon series The Loud House, walks onto the stage.) Lincoln: Who's there? (Patrick fries Lincoln with his flamethrower.) Patrick: Don't interrupt! (As Lincoln turns to ashes, Patrick turns his paper around.) Patrick: I forgot the punchline. (What a twist!)
  16. 7 points
    well... bad news guys my cousin's brother got into a car accident, and now he passed away.
  17. 7 points
    HAPPY BIRTHDAY SPONGEBOB!!!!!!!! Today, our favorite Sponge turns 34, check out the collage I made for him!!!! SpongeBob, THANK YOU for all you do to bring so much love, happiness, positivity, laughter, and IMAAAAGINATION into this world!! I am so proud to be your BIGGEST FAN, and always will be!! Everyone, please be sure to wish the Birthday Sponge a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY today!! From the small screen to the big screen to the stage to our favorite video game systems, SpongeBob is always there for us!! WE LOVE YOU SPONGEBOB!!!! HAVE THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!!!!!!! 🏖🏝 #SpongeBob #HappyBirthdaySpongeBob #SpongeBobSquarePants #SpongeBobsBirthday #SpongeBob34thBirthday #SpongeBobForever #BirthdaySponge #BestBirthdayEver
  18. 6 points
    damn it, I couldn't stay away from these. The spark has returned. This idea was itching at me for some time and my conscious was telling me to make it happen, so here you go, my surprise return to spin-offs, mateys! With my 10th SBC anniversary coming this month, this will be a cool way to celebrate my SBC creations. (Note: I'm still 100% done with SBC related literatures however) (Credit to @Aquatic Konquest for the logo) Coming soon, ar ar ar!
  19. 6 points
    Trafficking isn’t just in the murky depths of Rock Bottom, no. It peaks its ugly head in the more well known and “socially accepted” cities like Bikini Bottom. During my usual scene of patroling the streets of our favorite aquatic destination as I usually do, I stumbled upon a local sea resident who gave me the juicy scoop of a terrible reality within the community. Me, being the out of towner from upland couldn’t even comprehend the sinister reality of what this haunted cum rag mattress had witnessed for himself. It is tragic that the man was physically exposed to this being, he was the first one to Trick or Treat that night, as most children were either social distancing this year or grown up and watching clown spiders being bullied. This unknown sponge man is also thankful no children that night has bare to witness this anonymous man’s revolting nether fish regions, which has been describe as one item smaller than the other and a “fishy” odor. (This film footage was discovered by the orange fish’s cam recorder he had sitting by the door. Thankfully this was the only recorded thing on it.) If you see this exposing sicko report him immediately to the Bikini Bottom Police who will straighten him out. He has fleed his home, we assume without clothes once again, trying to get his sick kicks one last time before he runs off to the fields to live among the jellyfish carefree and naked. Or perhaps another fishy town, with his fellow fish pedophiles and ephebophiles.
  20. 6 points
    To help get some festivity going heading into this latest iteration of Octerror Fest, I'm gonna be taking a look back at one of my older series and I'll be providing some good ol' fashioned commentary. Riff where needs riffing, critique where needs critiquing, and offer some "behind the scenes" insight where needs insighting. I hope you'll join me for the ride on this, admittedly quite brief, trip through memory lane. And if you weren't around during its time, then hopefully you'll get something of a kick out of it. Here to help me introduce tonight's Die-In feature, why, it's none other than TCM's very own Ben Mankiewicz! Ben Mankiewicz: Hello, I'm Ben Mankiewicz, and you're watching OMJ's Die-In Theater, where we look to observe and dissect one of the old man's more surreal tales of terror. OMJ's first foray into the horror genre was in the middle of 2012, with his release of the still sorta fondly looked back on, "The Killer Krab". Now this spinoff would come at a pretty "make or break" time for the SpongeBob Community, having recently come fresh off the release of V8 Orca, which had released right after a posting drought had the entire forum in a death grip. In the "The Killer Krab", Eugene H. Krabs, sole proprietor of the Krusty Krab if you didn't already know, went on a not-so discrete killing spree, murdering those who he deemed to be threats to his business. Everyone was fair game, he killed his only cashier, his star fry cook, his business rival, and he even went so far as to kill his own mother and daughter. It had a "victim-of-the-week" sort of structure, where each episode delved into a different victim or victims all while building up the main overarching plot between Krabs and SpongeBob. Aside from that, the spinoff also contained a gratuitous amount of playful callbacks and references to the original series that it was spun off from. Some thought it became a detriment after a while, some thought it made for some good black comedy for its time. This would be the crux for all 15 episodes, by the way, with one other episode airing as part of a proposed second season that would ultimately never see the light of day. Fast forward a couple months later following "The Killer Krab's" conclusion to March 2013, when OMJ would post a strikingly similar piece of work, but this time, not based on the SpongeBob IP. This particular literature came somewhat during a time of transition for the old man; the acclaimed "S(lums)BU" was nearing its premature end on April Fools and just a few weeks later, "Community Deathmatch" would be unleashed upon the Spin-Off/Lit section. This lit became critically lauded during its time, being seen as a better executed and more realized product of "The Killer Krab" formula. Audiences everywhere never thought that they'd ever feel so attached to an inanimate object this side of "The Brave Little Toaster". Industry veteran, Steel Sponge, even gave it a positive review in one of the only official reviews of OMJ's work on the Reviews thread. Tonight, you're about to dive into a tale that takes place in a world between real and fantasy, one that also happens to be right next to a paperback copy of Corduroy the bear. You are about to witness the beginning of the trials and tribulations of a bar of soap, just one talking household item in a mad house chock full of 'em. This particular bar of soap bears witness to one tragic event after another, feeling completely powerless to do anything about any of it until he finally has all he could stands and can't stands no more. Before we begin, OMJ wanted me to strongly emphasize that "no household objects were harmed during the making of this lit". From 2013, based on the popular 90s children's series, "Blue's Clues", this is Old Man Jenkins' "Slippery Smooth". Plot: The trials and tribulations of a bar of soap. Short, sweet and to the point. Nowadays, I'll probably be having this one, single sentence stretched out across two or three whole paragraphs! First Night Ahh, the diaper days when I would put just one space between the plot and the first chapter title. After a long, hard, exhausting day of playing Blues Clues, Could've done without the "hard". Or "long". Hell, why not both. Steve decided to unwind by taking a nice, warm, relaxing dip in his bath tub. Mmm, steamy... Steve: I am going to take a bath, because its really fun! 2013!OMJ, you were better than this, mang. It's! It's really fun! Steve sang to himself as he trotted into the bathroom wearing his green striped bath robe. Steve: Hey, Slip! Yeah. He totally called him that. Slippery slid on in from God knows where. Jeez, I said that as if we weren't already IN the bathroom. Slippery's home turf! Slippery: Hey Steve! I warmed it up for you. This reference does not compute! Steve looked around the bathroom as if he was looking for something before staring off into the distance and began to consult his "friends". Steve: Do you see anything in here that I can use to better clean myself? Slippery just bubbled in his own soap residue, still baffled as to who exactly Steve is actually talking. Ironic where in a world with living, breathing household items, the idea of this one guy talking to people that aren't there is seen as just a bit too crazy. Steve: Over there? Steve asked, pointing at a toothbrush. Spoiler alert, the toothbrush survives. Barely. Steve: No? Could it be that? Steve asked again, pointing at the toilet paper. Now a chapter revolving around this right here would just write itself. Talking about some Flintstones shit. Steve: Ohhh, you mean Slippery! WHOOOOOOOOAAAAAAHHHHH Slippery's eyes widened at the mention of his name. Or it could just be the bath salts kicking in. That was kinda timely back in 2013. He simply assumed he had a clue on him before realizing there wasn't a paw print to be found on him. I don't know if this justifies calling in the department of redundancy department, but it sure rolls off the tongue like it would. One too many hims. Before he knew it, he was picked up by Steve and was submerged into the bath water as Steve made his descent into the tub. Note to self: sell Steve's bath water for top dollar in my spinoff store if we ever have another Spin-Off Fest. Slippery couldn't even expect what was coming next. As Steve wiped Slippery against his skin, Slippery could only scream one thing. Slippery: WHOOOOOOAAAH! and boom goes the dynamite. As well as the end of this first chapter! Totally worth getting Ben Mankiewicz of Turner Classic Movies on board, mang. Make sure to buy a ticket and reserve a stall for tomorrow's feature showing, where things are bound to get ever so slightly weirder. Bye! See you soon!
  21. 6 points
    New decade, new teams. That’s right: Teams 4 is here! The Band Geeks, Drasticals and Independents are officially disbanded after 5 years, and two new teams rise from their ashes. Our fourth iteration of teams will be... VS. KRUSTY KREW VS. CHUM BUDDIES! Yup, for the ultimate team culmination, we're doing a Krusty Krab vs. Chum Bucket theme for this edition of teams! There's nothing that screams a heated team rivalry more than these two restaurants duking it out, with you, the members helping them! Krusty Krew will be led by @Mr. Eugene Krabs himself, and Chum Buddies led by @Plankton himself. There will be no more “team leaders” in the traditional sense. Those two will act more so as mascots for both teams. Here’s a run-down of the new features Teams 4 has: Solos: Don't want to be on either team? That's okay, because if you do not want to be on either team, by default, you will be a "Solo" (cue Han Solo jokes) now. These are a new version of the Independents, but instead, it is no longer an organized "team" in any sense (which is more in line with my original vision of Indies). What will happen is that if you are not a Krusty Krew or Chum Buddy member and win a team event, then you get the point. If say, Kev and G4ry are both "Solos", and they win events, then they both each get a point for the scoreboard. So from now on, you will be literally on your own if you choose to not be on either team. If you want to be Solo, then don’t post in this thread! Exp. Points & Levels: Starting with March Madness 2020, every event you participate in will give you experience points (varying from game to game) which you can level up with. For Krusty Krew, you will earn “Wacky Bucks” as your points, and for Chum Buddies, you will earn “Root Beer”. The higher your level is, the more you will have a clear team rank amongst your players. Major League & Minor League Events: From now on, team events will be divided into “Major League” and Minor League” through the year. The “Major League” events will consist of the big season events: March Madness, the summer event, Octerror Fest and Snowcember Ball. Starting in this year, we will have “Minor League” team events in-between those, which are smaller scale team events that will only last a week, but are a way to keep the team activities going during downtime and give people more opportunities to help their team if they didn’t do well last time, and get more exp points. Team Trades: After every Major League event, the winning team will trade someone from the losing team. This will add a lot of stakes to every event, keeps the rosters fresh, and will give the teams more incentive to do better next time. The team level rankings can be helpful in allowing you decide who to trade off as well. It’s okay if you don’t think you’ll make it to every team event, as long as you contribute to the team in some way. We think this will be a fresh new spin on teams, adding a lot of great fun to them this year. If you want to be on either team, just simply sign-up in this thread (yes, you must post here). You will have until February 28th, 2020 at 6pm EST to sign-up, at which point the two team leaders, Krabs and Plankton, will pick their team members, like we did for the 2014 Teams 3 Draft. March Madness 2020 will then kick off two days later, which will be the first event with these new teams. After the initial draft is over, I will keep this thread open for anyone else to sign ups after the fact, similar to how the previous teams thread worked. If you have any other questions, let me know! (Credit to @Old Man Jenkins for several of these ideas)
  22. 6 points
  23. 6 points
  24. 6 points
    tfw you're a 24 year old stalking spongebob sites
  25. 6 points
    I hope that pun subverted your expectations. As the end of the year draws near, thought I’d go ahead and make the topic ten days early since I’ll be fairly busy over the next week. You all should know the drill by now as to what this yearly topic is about. But in case you don’t, this topic is a group project where you all write your best and worst of the year lists for any format of entertainment. Whether it be movies, music, television, video games, albums, commercials...anything you want. Hell its going to be a much busier list season than normal with the decade end one coinciding with the annual one. But juggling both will give me all the more to write about this year. And just like last year, I’m just sticking to movies and music. I was able to watch a little more television this year due to streaming becoming that much larger this year, but in all honesty, I just don’t want to go overboard with too many lists to write. Hell I still need to finish my Best 2010s Television List. Might make an abbreviated list with no descriptions for 2019, but we’ll see. Anyway, looking forward to seeing you all participating as always. See you all soon with lists, lists, and even more lists.
  26. 6 points
    The next spin-off series has been announced: https://deadline.com/2020/08/spongebob-squarepants-spinoff-series-the-patrick-star-show-set-nickelodeon-bill-fagerbakke-1203006633/
  27. 6 points
    Here's our puppy that we got a week ago.
  28. 5 points
    It's been a long time coming, and I've went back and forth on whether or not I want to do so, but I think I finally feel ready and safe to say that I'm gonna take a backseat from SBC. Things won't really be changing much since I've been fairly inactive since summer of 2018, and I'll still be on from time to time (I actually check the site fairly regularly, I just feel like I never post at all), and I'll be on the Discord still. Also if any of y'all wanna follow me on some of my more private social media (like Instagram or Snapchat) I'm totally cool with that; just DM me if you're interested (I'll still be checking the site like at least once a week), because I just don't feel particularly comfortable publicly giving out social media like that. As much as I love the pre movie episodes my interest in modern Spongebob and it's future is pretty much nonexistent and while things are gonna get grim, I gotta be honest. Since I wanna say around September/October 2018, my mental health has taken a pretty bad decline. A lot of it deals especially with dealing with some things going on in my family in regards to my sister's mental health (which she has made a big improvement in, and also something I've been upfront about making me depressed), my school life, and coming to terms with a lot of stuff in regards to growing up and just adolescence in general. Never really realized how much genuine trauma I have from middle school, which were the worst years of my life, until like over a year ago. A lot of this reached a head during the lockdown. Actually... literally right before lockdown (December 2019-February 2020) I was doing the best I had done in years, possibly ever. I actually felt confident in myself, was talking to people despite my crippling social anxiety.... and it all kinda went straight to shit slightly before lockdown hit. Not a lot of people know this, but I had a very unfortunate run in with university cops in mid-February, where I was threatened to be kicked out of university and maybe arrested under possession of drug paraphernalia. Not saying where I go to uni to protect my privacy because I don't wanna end up behind bars but I used to smoke weed really late at night on campus in the woods. Not a smart idea, please don't do it guys (not weed, just smoking it on campus). Anyway I also started buying CBD too when I ran out which I would also smoke, and I had a drawstring bag in my dorm (now at home) which basically had everything to let me smoke; two pipes, a grinder, lighter, rolling tray, a nug jug, and a thing of rolling paper. One night I was smoking when I saw a white van pass, carried on my business because I was doing CBD which is legal where I live, until they went back and started asking me, did the traditional questioning, did a pat down because in the eyes of American law enforcement doing any sort of thing resembling drugs automatically makes you a school shooter, and made me remove everything from my drawstring bag. CW: sexual harassment (this paragraph, and next) These cops were serious dickheads. When asked about why I used CBD, I said to help anxiety (wasn't lying), and they basically went on to mock me using it, saying how there's "safer outlets"; really the only risk I'm running is to my lungs which is whatever, and it's legal and even if it wasn't, let me make my own decisions. Anyway, after the pat down, after everything was removed from my pockets, they wanted to check for weapons again, and the cop who was frisking me proceeded to... put his hand down the back of my jeans, and basically in other words.... tickle the upper part of my butt over my underwear. One of the cops sexually harassed me; it made me insanely uncomfortable, and this was POST patdown, everything was out of my pockets, the hoodie I was wearing was off and on the hood of their car. After that, they proceeded to make me smash all my pipes against a rock as they delightfully watched, and throw my rolling tray and grinder into a nearby river from a point where I wouldn't be able to reach it ever. It was a really cold night so they let me go as long as I got rid of most of my stuff; I still had my lighter, nug jug (which funnily enough was the only thing I had on me that had weed on the jug but they didn't give a shit because cops suck), and rolling paper- and had to buy everything else again. Didn't have to worry about the pipes because I invested in a bong right when lockdown hit (which was an insanely smart idea, probably the best purchase I've made all year), and bought another grinder this summer and only bought another rolling tray about two/three weeks ago. Anyway I basically went back to my dorm, waited for my roommate to come back, told a lot of my closest friends, and cried my fucking eyes out that night. A lot of what I'm feeling just reached a major head during lockdown, a culmination of what I've been feeling a lot of, which a lot of it is really private and I don't really feel comfortable talking to many people at all about. But to add insult to injury, and something I've told no one, I uncovered a pretty traumatic repressed memory from my childhood this summer, involving me being... coincidentally, sexually harassed by a group of teenage boys who would regularly torment me on vacation... I was never raped or molested but I'll just put it at that they basically cornered me on the neighborhood park and forced me to show them... I'll just say what's in my pants because they thought it would be funny. I was about six or seven when it happened, felt disgusting after it happened, and just repressed it for years. It really really took it's toll on me during August and September, and for most of the time at lockdown, I just avoided everyone and everything because I was depressed. Even my own parents who are sweet and supportive as fuck and I feel awful because of it. I was super angsty, grumpy, and just not fun at all to be around. My mental health started to get a bit better after moving back to uni mid-August and getting a bit more independence but I was a shitty friend and son for like all of summer who just really wouldn't want to talk to anyone at all. I feel insanely shitty about it, but I've been getting more social again (albeit I've been way less social then I've normally been for a while now because of depression) and my parents are cool with me, and told me how they loved having me during quarantine before I went back to uni, which was a silver lining because maybe I wasn't as bad as I thought I was. I was mainly just super reclusive and just really quiet around my parents, but I guess I'm usually a pretty quiet guy. Anyway a lot of this reached a head in mid-October where I just kind of broke down one day, started experiencing pretty bad bouts of anhedonia, frustration, anger, and what not and that's when I finally put my foot down and decided to seek help because of how tired I am of living like this. And I'm seeing a therapist in December for the first time. And with Biden winning, I'm hoping (but not counting on it) corona will get a little better in the US, things are finally starting to seem bright again. Really admitting I had a problem made me feel so much better, and knowing that I was gonna get help. And even if it doesn't work (which I really don't think it won't work) at least I tried. The future is starting to look somewhat bright for me, thank god. I've contemplated making a more detailed post/video about what's been going on but I feel satisfied with this because a lot of what I'm feeling is pretty private. But I guess the short of it is my social anxiety (I have Asperger's) is insanely bad. Besides like cashiers and people I have to talk to like that I freeze up pretty much whenever I talk to anyone my age, who I feel like I don't relate to most of which at all, but it's especially bad with girls, jesus christ. I freeze up so goddamn bad. And I've asked out a ton of girls in the past and I'm having a harder time talking to girls as I'm getting older which is all sorts of bizarre. And a big reason I'm sad, and I know how stupid and incelish this sounds, is because I'm 19 (20 in April) and I've never kissed a girl, never had a girlfriend, and never want past that. I just feel so left out, and alienated from everyone and I have for pretty much all of high school despite having some friends (some of which I'm admittedly having problems with, but a good share I'm still tight with and are good people). I'm just sick of this shit, and I've been feeling it for goddamn years now. And it needs to change. Because I don't like myself at all and I hate it. Because I know I'm worth it, and I know people love me and think I'm a good guy. Two last things; another big reason for my absence and my further absence has just been school. As I've said, I'm at uni and juggling a regular sized class load, and other interests have taken up way more of my free time than going on here- just the way it is, unfortunately. So that's why I've been way more absent especially since starting my freshman year. But I've still made time to come on here, but that's why I haven't been posting a lot; I'm mostly on here to check up with y'all, but I guess that could also do with the fact that I just haven't been very social at all recently. Last thing is I'm sorry for how I treated a lot of people here back in 2014-2015. Middle school me was the worst. I was dealing with the aftermath of some pretty awful shit in seventh grade that led to me trying to take my life (I'm here now, and I'm gonna get better now ofc) and I just became an edgy, obnoxious, pretentious little shit because of it and I criticized a lot of music insanely unfairly and was just a fucking asshole to a lot of people... because I was honestly an asshole in real life and I just didn't know any better. I've already done so before, but I especially want to apologize to @Clappy, who honestly got the worst of it in retrospect. A lot of my criticisms, especially regarding Paramore (have actually enjoyed their music for 3 or so years now at this point), were insanely biased and I was just hating on things that were popular and loved because I was a pretentious little shit. I'm so sorry, guys. Unfortunately some of the most active years I've had on here were the years where I just acted the worst. I don't wanna just apologize to Clappy, but everyone who was involved in my awful music criticism and overall douchery. So sorry. I've grown up a lot since those years (and especially in the last two years I've grown up a lot) and I'm far from a perfect person, but goddamn it, I'm trying. And that's really that. I fluctuated between making this post a ton and whether I should take a backseat, but I'm gonna to focus on both my mental health and school. Thanks to everyone who's been a great friend, and thanks to everyone who put up with me when I was at my worst. But I need to focus on the real world for a while. Maybe I'll be back soon and I'll feel able to do so, and I hope so. But recently I just haven't been active and besides my occasional visit, I'm just gonna take a backseat. Obviously, if any of y'all wanna stay in contact with me, I'm all arms. I'll still be on Discord and if you wanna know me better personally, feel free to DM me for any of my more personal social media (and you can DM me on Discord too) Until then, sayonara, 再见 (actually been learning Chinese since first semester freshman year), adios, what have ya. I'll be back, but I got a lot I need to focus on now. Sincerely, -Ryan (CyanideFishbone)
  29. 5 points
    Members: (struggled a lot with this so no hard feelings if you're not here) Best Debater: Hawk, Wumbo, Clappy, Nuggets, and Homie Funniest Member: OWM, Slug, Kev, Ding, and OMJ Spongiest Member: 4EverGreen, NegiSpongie, WhoBob, Carotte, and sbl Kindest Member: SOF, Mythix, Patty, That Excited SpongeKid, and Cha Most Mature Member: Cha, Fa, Wumbo, OMJ, and Clappy Most Contributive Member: Steel, Cha, dman, Prez, and JCM Most Competitive Member: dman, Mythix, Fred, RDSP, and DarknessDG Most Creative Member: Katie, DarknessDG, Local, Prez and Patty Spin-Offs/Lits: Best Creation: OMJ's Die-In Theater, Cherish, Super Mario Bros. Z Kong, JCMovies, and SpongeBob SquarePants: Lost in Translation Best Ended Creation: Interloopers Unite, Community Deathmatch, Underwater Survivor: SBC Style, Team SpongeBob, and Tyeam Universe Best Episode: "Guardians of the Community" - SBCinema, "JCM Goes on a Wild Kev Hunt" - JCMovies, "True or square" - Lost in Translation, "Patrick Starts a Talk Show" - The Silly Adventures of Patrick Star, and "The Power of Love" - Cherish Best Comedy: OMJ's Die-In Theater, JCMovies, The Silly Adventures of Patrick Star, Bikini Bottom Nature Watch, and Battle for Bikini Bottom - A Nonsensical Parody Best Storyline: Cherish, Power Rangers: Multiverse Force, Interloopers Unite, Super Mario Bros. Z Kong, and A Dead Eye for a Dead Eye Best Setting: Total Cartoon Strikes Back, Power Rangers: Multiverse Force, JCMovies, A Dead Eye for a Dead Eye, and Battle for Bikini Bottom - A Nonsensical Parody Best Protagonist: Mr. Krabs (Cherish), Wally (Interloopers Unite), JCM (JCMovies), SpongeBuck SquarePants (A Dead Eye for a Dead Eye), and Patrick (The Silly Adventures of Patrick Star) Best Antagonist: Plankton (Battle for Bikini Bottom - A Nonsensical Parody), Dr. Maniac (Power Rangers), MCJ (JCMovies), and Udon (Sub-Tropical Academy) Hall of Fame: Honorary Creator: NegiSpongie and Nuggets Honorary Creation: Total Cartoon (going on for 12 years is pretty commendable) and The Silly Adventures of Patrick Star Honorary Staff: teenj and Fred Honorary Member: Katniss and dman
  30. 5 points
    i am 4 years clean from self harm today people! it does not feel like it has been four years but apparently it has lol
  31. 5 points
    iFish is back, though this time in a completely new flavor. Due to the discontinuation of our old system, iFish will be using a manually-made system in which you’ll have to specify how you want your iFIsh to look, in either this thread or on the Discord server. Thankfully it’s not all doom and gloom, as we’re pleased to announce a couple of new additions to the iFish to help make creating one just as fun as it was before. New Item Categories Two new item categories have been introduced, including Pins and Backgrounds. Pins, to put it simply, are a new version of collectables. In the past, collectables could be only shown on user’s profiles, but with the new pin system, you now have the option to equip any collectable on your iFish, similar to pins in Club Penguin. Backgrounds are, as the name suggests, backgrounds that you can equip as a background for your iFish. However, unlike the other iFish items which can only be obtained as pre-made items, backgrounds use whatever image you’d like to be used, ranging from your own custom-made backgrounds, or something gotten off google images, all completely free. Submission Guidelines To submit for an iFish, simply list the iFish body color, any items you want equipped on it, and either post it in this thread or in the Discord server. One of our hard-working Fry Cooks or Managers will soon produce it, and have it delivered to you as soon as possible. Please use the template below when posting a submission. Body Color: (required) Headwear: Face/Mask: Neck: Body/Top: Bottom/Pants: Feet/Shoes: Hand/Pet: Pin: Background: You can show off your iFish in your avatar, signature, profile, on Discord or in future events. Until one of us gets good enough at coding in the future, this will be the best possible solution to work with for the time being. Discontinued items To make room for the future, we’ve had to discontinue a selection of iFish items. These include: Gogeta Hair, Fisherman Coat 2015, Fisherman Hat 2016, Chocolate Clarinet, Chocolate Starfish, Chocolate Fruitcake, Chocolate Donkey, Chocolate Flower, Chocolate Karate Glove, Chocolate Snail, K^aa Hair, K^aa Shirt, K^aa Shorts, K^aa Tentacles, Drastical Vuvuzela, Band Geeks Vuvuzela, Band Geek Track Jersey, Band Geek Track Pants, Drastical Track Jersey, Drastical Track Pants, Grand Maul Granny’s Glasses 2016, Drastical Foam Finger, Band Geek Foam Finger, Johnny Krill Shirt 2016, Johnny Krill Pants 2016, Not Dead Ted’s Shirt 2016, Pumpkin Basket 2012, Frankenstein Costume 2012, Scientist Costume 2012 and Goofy Sombrero 2015. View your Archived Inventory For all our longtime members who had an entire library of iFish items but can’t recall what they had, don’t worry! Below is an archive link of active users’ inventories that were screencapped before the old system closed down. Please note that we’ve only archived the inventories of active users, so if your inventory is not provided, please let us know. https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1mHf3fIPhv3F3v1kG10WLh23Jh3r_jCAE?usp=sharing Have fun!
  32. 5 points
    So… it's come to this. We have finally reached the bottom of the barrel. The scum of the sea. The absolute, undeniable, WORST SONGS IN BILLBOARD YEAR-END HISTORY! I scoured through the 60-odd songs that I placed at the bottom of each of my Worst Lists for each Billboard Year-End chart. And after boatloads of memories came flooding back, I found the worst of that bunch. There is no place further for these songs to hide. They may have had their day in court, but now they will be subject to extra sentencing. Let's go! …But before we do, a couple of scattered shout-outs to specific songs and milestones: First, shout out to Captain and Tennille, who managed to top the worst list three separate times, yet were spared from the worst of the worst. Congratulations on being consistently, acceptably terrible. And RIP Daryl Dragon. Second, shout out to "You and Me" by Lifehouse, which is the only song to have repeated a top position on the worst list, appearing both in 2005 and 2006! Yet it does not make the list, because the nostalgia bug is just that potent. And finally, shout out to "It's Been Awhile" by Staind and "Nothin' My Love Can't Fix" by Joey Lawrence, which really aren't that bad and probably don't deserve to be mentioned here at all. But they grinded my gears at some point, so they sit at the "top" of this list regardless. Now! Let's get it started. Wumbo's Bottom 10 Billboard Year-End Hits of All Time Well, that was fun! Up next, of course, is the best list. Same rules, but in reverse. When will it come out? Who knows? I have a job now! You're lucky to get this! Stay tuned!
  33. 5 points
  34. 5 points
    god i hate how toxic the cartoon fandoms are on twitter. nothing but scumbags or assholes fighting each other about how "these old cartoons are way better than calarts" when we should literally just be accepting of cartoon tastes and just make whatever creators want to make. It makes me want to create a rant video but it'll look cringe since I'm not good at doing commentaries. Animation is an artform. It evolves, you can make stuff inspried by the golden age, go for it. Don't force everyone else to do it or act better than everyone else with it though. I know not every fan is like that, but seeing back and forth from people around that John K respcter troll (are they a troll, i don't even know, it feels so legitimate not to be a troll due to how far it's gone, but I've heard it is, still very toxic) and their supporters and people who are into modern day animation. Animation is allowed to evolve into other styles outside of where it started. That's what art is supposed to do, evolve into different styles. It doesn't mean you can't keep doing older styles of an artform, you know. It just really annoys me and it's why I shouldn't even bother with it. It also makes me just not want to even pursue it since it just feels like an industry where everyone fucks the creator over, or you have to deal with a few weirdos or scumbags who didn't want to get mental help before it was too late and before pursuing their dream job.
  35. 5 points
  36. 5 points
  37. 5 points
    August 2020 Day to Day Schedule: August 1st: Amphibia "Quarreler's Pass/Toadcatcher". (Complete) August 2nd: (Complete Nothingness) August 3rd: American Dad "Roger Needs Dick". (Complete) August 4th: Stargirl "Stars & S.T.R.I.P.E. Part One". (Complete) August 5th: Big Brother 22 All Stars Season Premiere/Episode 1. August 6th: (Complete Nothingness) August 7th: (Complete Nothingness) August 8th: (Complete Nothingness) August 9th: (Complete Nothingness) August 10th: (Complete Nothingness) August 11th: (Complete Nothingness) August 12th: (Complete Nothingness) August 13th: (Complete Nothingness) August 14th: (Complete Nothingness) August 15th: (Complete Nothingness) August 16th: (Complete Nothingness) August 17th: (Complete Nothingness) August 18th: (Complete Nothingness) August 19th: (Complete Nothingness) August 20th: (Complete Nothingness) August 21st: (Complete Nothingness) August 22nd: (Complete Nothingness) August 23rd: (Complete Nothingness) August 24th: (Complete Nothingness) August 25th: (Complete Nothingness) August 26th: (Complete Nothingness) August 27th: (Complete Nothingness) August 28th: (Complete Nothingness) August 29th: (Complete Nothingness) August 30th: (Complete Nothingness) August 31st: (Complete Nothingness)
  38. 5 points
    https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/live-feed/ren-stimpy-show-revived-at-comedy-central-1306011 there is no god
  39. 5 points
    The end is nigh. We have finally reached, after nearly seven years, the final one of these lists! Unless I decide to make one for 2020. Anything's possible for this year. But yes, as far as my retro-retrospectives go, this is it. 1968! After this, we are done. …So what do we do now? I don’t think 1968 was particularly great or bad. There are certainly great and bad songs, and we'll get to 'em, but the year as a whole kind of falls into the middle of all the years I've covered thus far. So that's what we're ending on. Yippee. All right, let's start off with… Wumbo's Bottom 10 Hits of 1968
  40. 5 points
    Hey y'all! So I've been locked out of SBC for like 6 months now, but I'm back! In the meantime I've been posting my Hot 100 reviews on my blog. If you don't read it or didn't even know I had one, here's a rundown of what you missed: Bottom hits of 2009 Top hits of 2009 Bottom hits of 1978 Top hits of 1978 Bottom hits of 1988 Top hits of 1988 Whew! That's a lot. And that also leaves me with only one year left to go: 1968 Now, I could continue posting this one on my blog, like I have been for the past several months. But it is my final list, after years of doing this crazy task. So I figure I'd better go back to where I started from, and post it here! Hoping to have the lists out sometime this month, but deadlines have never been my strong suit with the project, so we'll see! Thank you to everyone who continued to give a crap.
  41. 5 points
    The following you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, it's just posts!
  42. 4 points
    You know those moments when you hear a new movie being announced, and the synopsis of it alone sounds dumb, probably not bearing much potential? Yeah, this thread is one of those moments. It's about a notorious hardass dude who decides to watch a cartoon made for little girls. Doesn't sound very promising, does it? Well... this might get a bit personal. So sit back and enjoy the story! When the infamous brony movement hit SBC in 2011 (mind you, a time when I was nowhere near as progressive-minded as now), I was, to say the least, baffled from wondering why a bunch of men had decided to embrace MLP, of all things. Without stopping to hear their reasoning out, my 11-year-old self thought it was best to take a stand of "masculinity" (*vomits*) against brony-ism. Only it didn't stop after that - I spent the show's entire 8 years of running trying to avoid it, and continued even after it had ended, still as stubborn as ever to try and not look "uncool." A total 9 years of baseless aversion. Then, everything changed 4 months ago, when a new development hit me. My friend Stack asked me why I was so opposed to ever giving FIM a chance, but this time, I admitted to her point blank that I didn't really know why beyond projecting the "girl show ghetto" stigma onto it. She told me what FIM was actually like, but I still wasn't quite sold on it, even despite getting a solid dozen recommendations from other friends to watch the show. Then Stack sent me this article written by the creator, Lauren Faust. It blew my mind to hear that Faust took a similar approach to MLP that I've spent the past several years planning to do with My Life as a Teenage Robot. Most of all, it was the ending of the article that really struck me: It was at this point in early August that my curiosity was finally piqued, so I decided to download the first season of FIM and give it a shot. Now (as of the making of this post) my avatar everywhere is Rainbow Dash. I think you can already tell how it ended. I went into FIM not really knowing what to expect, but I figured that it would be at least decent. Through Stack, I knew who the main characters were, but that was about it... and as it turns out, the characterization is everything in this series. Three seasons in now, I've thoroughly enjoyed seeing how the writers added so much nuance not only to the Mane Six, but even to the Cutie Mark Crusaders and other recurring characters. What do we get out of the Mane Six? Twilight: initially antisocial and sometimes neurotic, but a natural leader; Pinkie: incredibly hyperactive and friendly, sometimes to an outright damaging degree; Applejack: sensible, but painfully honest; Rainbow: somewhat arrogant and brash as hell, with a very clear facade of "coolness" that eventually starts breaking down (sound familiar?); Rarity, who balances occasional vanity with serious generosity; and Fluttershy, an animal lover with severe self-esteem issues that slowly fall by the wayside. I have a sort of test for determining my judgements of character-driven shows: take note of the characters' personality traits when they're introduced, then compare them with their traits some length of character development later. (Things like My Hero Academia fail that test.) With the possible exception of Applejack, all of the Mane Six see either character development or expansion of their existing personalities (see: Pinkie), and to a lesser extent, the same goes for the CMC. To illustrate how much all of this matters to me: I just finished season 3, and got to witness Twilight's transformation into an alicorn. It gave me the same feeling of pure joy that I had upon seeing Aang finally realize his destiny in the series finale of Avatar, the cartoon that still remains my absolute favorite to this day. To come within striking distance of Avatar in my book is an insane feat! As much as this is ostensibly a show made for little girls, there's only one way that really stands out to me (in a writing sense, not an aesthetic one), and it's still something that can go over well for people of any age: the life lessons that most episodes are centered around. I went into watching completely unaware that these were present, and came out of it taking them to heart. In a weird way, it makes me feel really stupid for not watching the show when it was running, because I could've done well to hear the lessons it had to offer when I was still a kid. "Family Appreciation Day" is a great example of this, as when it comes to my last two remaining grandparents, I only learned to really value what they had to offer in their last years (they passed in 2017 and 2019, both in their 80s). On more than one occasion, it's also gotten comically meta for me, with "Read It and Weep" being the standout instance. Tell me, after reading what I've said so far, does this sound familiar? The "don't knock it 'till you've tried it" lesson this episode is all about is really the moral of the story behind my adventure into the world of FIM. I went in not expecting much, and got something that's burned a permanent place in my heart right next to Avatar, by way of putting a good smile on my face every time I see it... and that's coming from a guy who usually is pretty stoic when it comes to media. In short, this sums up my thoughts. My thoughts are always mathematical like that. Maybe I could divide them for my next review. Or add them. Add a LOOOOOT of them. Or maybe subtract them? (Now you see why I don't write reviews. This thread took 5 hours, and this mess is the best I got. Hope you enjoyed reading though!)
  43. 4 points
    The pineapple seed—like all fruits-to-be—was a living being, yet I don't think it ever found true happiness. I imagine it was left to chase the high of being cummed on with icky sponge boogers for the rest of its lifespan, waiting patiently for episodes that could give it prominence again. And so it received another one years later, but this where I mark the start of the pineapple seed's crashing decline. The abuse it suffered under these three strange gay men would only worsen its painful identity crisis. Why are they mistreating me so? Are canned fruit homes the new norm? Do I need to spend the rest of its life competing with synthetically grown Ananas comosus? Never again would it feel the caress of living, rushing life through its roots—and it knew. It was just too much. It accepted its fate and chose to burn out rather than fade away, defying the future of false fruits wrapped in tin containers. But was it even worth it?
  44. 4 points
  45. 4 points
    Over a year later, and the theater reopens, now under new management! For those who did not see my announcement in the news thread, Clappy has kindly agreed to let me continue this for the foreseeable future. I'm also allowing anyone to guest write if anyone is interested to help me out, as long as you contact me. 84. Odds Out Film: Knives Out Wealthy fanfiction novelist jjsthekid invites his family to his SBC mansion for his 85th birthday party. The next morning, jjs's housekeeper Cha finds him dead, with his throat slit. The police believe it was suicide, but an anonymous party pays private investigator SOF to investigate. SOF learns that jjs's relationships with his family were strained: he threatened to expose his son-in-law Dracula for cheating on his wife, jjs's daughter Katie; cut off his daughter-in-law Cake’s allowance for stealing from him; fired his son JCM in a cameo from his publishing company; and had an altercation with his grandson Kev. Unbeknownst to jjs, after the party, jjs's nurse SG apparently administered him an overdose of morphine by accident instead of his usual medication and could not find the antidote, leaving jjs minutes to live. Knowing that SG's mother is an undocumented member, jjs prevented her from calling for help and instead gave her instructions to create a false alibi to save her family from scrutiny. Jjs then slit his own throat. Jjs’s elderly mother saw SG carrying out jjs's instructions but mistook her for Kev. SG cannot lie without vomiting, so she gives true but incomplete answers when SOF questions her. After agreeing to assist in SOF's investigation, SG conceals evidence of her actions as they search the property. Jjs's will is read: to everyone's astonishment, he left everything to SG. Kev helps her escape the family's wrath. Kev coerces SG into confessing to him and offers his help in exchange for a share of the inheritance. The other family members try to persuade SG to renounce the inheritance; Kev threatens to expose her mother's immigration status. SG receives an anonymous blackmail note with a partial photocopy of jjs’ toxicology report. She and Kev drive to the medical examiner's office, but the building has been destroyed by arson. SG receives an anonymous email proposing a rendezvous with the blackmailer. SOF and the police spot SG and Kev, and after a brief car chase, Kev is arrested; SOF explains that jjs's mother saw Kev climbing down from jjs's room the night he died. SG goes to the rendezvous and discovers Cha drugged. SG hesitates, realizing that Cha can link her to the crime, but performs CPR on Cha and calls 911. SG confesses to SOF, but Kev has already informed on her. At the house, SG finds a copy of the full toxicology report hidden in Cha's meme stash. SOF reads it and interrupts SG before she can confess to the family that her error caused jjs's death. SOF reveals his deductions: Kev had learned that jjs was leaving everything to SG; he swapped the contents of jjs's medication vials and stole the antidote so SG would kill jjs with a morphine overdose, making her ineligible to claim the inheritance by the slayer rule. However, SG actually administered the correct medication, recognizing it by its viscosity without reading the label, and therefore is innocent of jjs's death. After the death was reported a suicide, Kev anonymously hired SOF to expose SG as a murderer. Cha later saw Kev hiding evidence and sent him the blackmail note. Realizing that SG had unknowingly given jjs the correct medication but believed herself guilty, Kev forwarded the note to SG. He burned down the medical examiner's office to destroy evidence of SG's innocence. Finally, he overdosed Cha with morphine and emailed her location to SG, planning to frame SG for Cha's murder. SG tricks Kev into confessing by lying that Cha has survived and will implicate him; after he confesses and vows revenge, she vomits on him, revealing that Cha has in fact died. Enraged, he attacks her with what turns out to be a retractable stage knife. Having recorded Kev's confession, the police arrest him. SOF reveals to SG that he realized early on that she played a part in jjs's death, noting a small spot of blood on one of her shoes. Katie finds a note from jjs revealing her husband's adultery. As Kev is taken into custody, SG watches the family from the balcony of what is now her mansion.
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