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whoa i got this out super super quick because the songs in this list were pretty dull! how about that
Champion - Fall Out Boy
The sad thing is that I prepared a whole shitton of material I could use towards FOB for this year, but i'm not able to use it.Spoiler
although to be fair i find young and menace absolutely fucking hilarious and nobody can tell me otherwise
Granted, as far as post-hiatus FOB tracks go, this is one of the better ones. Of course, with songs like Young Volcanoes and
Animals-malsCenturies, there's not much I really expect much from them in the first place. And mind you, I like the stuff from the first two albums! Maybe not high art, but those songs were catchy and enjoyable. New Fall Out Boy just seems like gravy to me.
But yeah, this isn't half bad, at least when you compare it to... the other song I planned to talk about...
Whole Wide World - Cage the Elephant
I'm not sure if this or Trouble has been played more. This is seriously just a punchline by the DJs at this point. End. Please.
Eh, the song itself's a mediocre cover of a decent song, i guess
So Close - Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness
Andrew McMahon does his thing which I am completely neutral towards, so good for him.
Literally nothing this week, lmao
Lay It On Me - Vance Joy
Vance Joy is... Vance Joying.
I don't know what to say. You've heard one Vance Joy song, you've heard them all. I don't like Vance Joy, so I don't like this on principle.
Golden Dandelions - Barns Courtney
And... here's another dude sounding like Vance Joy.
I feel kinda pathetic as a reviewer considering that the literal only thing about this song I can say is that it is indeed a song. Like, what am I supposed to write about this?
Less Than - Nine Inch Nails
Now THIS is a nice change of pace. I feel like this dropped off the charts kinda fast, and that's kind of a shame because this tune... hold up, I think I said something among these lines before... uh????
Yeah, this has a lot of parallel with my thoughts on Green Light. Both of which are among the best of the year, btw. Maybe I need to brighten up a little bit and...
Vacation - Dirty Heads
Remember when I alluded to earlier that Dirty Heads need to get their heads in a dirty layer of the earth? Yeah, this is one of the biggest reasons why.
I'm not sure if this reaches the same nadir as "That's All I Need", but that doesn't matter, because nothing I've heard from them shows any real mark of quality. These guys keep rehashing the exact same kind of "Oh hey, you know, you're a big douche if you don't like our bro-reggae shit, stop thinking too much and relax maaaaaan!" tone, one that sucked the first time I heard them and one that's kept sucking since. This song is endlessly annoying and even though I only think it was played over here for a few weeks, I cringe every time that goddamn chorus enters my brainspace.
Basically, you might wanna think twice about releasing a song called "Vacation" when the summer is almost over.
Ahead of Myself - X Ambassadors
Everything about X Ambassadors confuses me in the worst way possible. In a world with millions of more interesting acts to have potential success in the mainstream consciousness, I don't know why these guys are big deals, at all. Hell, the name X Ambassadors sounds sort of like a punk band if you think about it. But no, it's lifeless "indie" that's strong on piano and has deep lyrics, man!Quote
All hail the outlaws
Spielberg's and Kubrick's
Yeah, I'm annoyed by them as much as you are and their presence in favor of more interesting acts is nothing short of baffling.
Like, here's a track I heard once or twice circulating on that bubbling-under show my radio station has:
I don't care what the fuck your opinion on this Jimmy Urine soundalike going rap is, you have to admit it's not something you can block out of your subconscious. What the fuck are we gonna remember these guys for?
The Wanting - J. Roddy Walston & The Business
even for 2010 alternative rock bands, that is quite the fucking clunky band name. the fucking vevo channel name can't even get it lmao
I think it got a bit more airplay over here because they're local
i guess you can say i'm wanting of a more interesting track
...can i just say that track i linked to above should've made the charts so i could talk about it more?
Holding On - The War On Drugs
...Wow, was this a boring entry.
I mean... this is a cut above the other songs on here (probably because The War On Drugs have been well established by now as Pitchfork-approved and whatnot), but at this point I'm just tired of lo-fi indie tunes in general.
No, there's no way I'm ending this with the dreary dreary, I am going to violate my own rules and give this entry another week past the around-ten-per-entry rule to muster up an actual attempt at anything interesting.
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Made you all click, didn't I?
It's the least I can do to grab some attention from some folk before I can share my thoughts on the Oscars and its animation categories. As another way to put it, the title of my entry doesn't actually reflect my thoughts on the Academy's treatment with the two animation categories. This is an argument against the perception of the Academy voters towards the specific categories.
Alright, so the 90th Academy Awards came on a few days ago and its winners were revealed. I didn't watch the Oscars that other night since I only care about the animation field, so let's talk about the winners for the Best Animated Feature and Best Animated Short Film, shall we? Coco won Best Animated Feature and Dear Basketball won Best Animated Short Film, to put it all bluntly....and yet some people are upset about that, but why? Clearly, this is the 6th consecutive win from Disney, counting Pixar and apparently so, some others were holding on for a dark horse victory from The Breadwinner and Loving Vincent...both of which I haven't seen yet, but anyways, I should point this out: the least we can really expect from the Oscars and its animation field is a dark horse victory of some sort. In the case for Dear Basketball, its win was controversial because....Bryant's sex scandals and I'm just going to leave it there.
Here's the deal though: hypothetically speaking, what if any of the other nominees win their respective award? If Lou won Best Animated Short Film along with Coco's win for Best Picture, wouldn't that mean that the Oscar voters are being so ignorant that they're going with the easiest/most well-known choices possible? Or how about if The Boss Baby or Ferdinand won over Coco? Wouldn't that be kinda controversial despite if Disney's streak got broken? Your perception of the Oscar voters is up to you, but is it fair enough to call them ignorant because they either went with the most predictable choice or didn't go with the choice that best defined excellence in animation?
Before you all say anything else, I am aware that the main issue with the Oscars voters and the animation field is that most members of the Academy don't watch every animated film that's nominated alongside the fact that some of the voters refute to vote for the Best Animated Feature category, even probably as well as the Animated Short Film category, but when the Academy does give a vote to an animated film, it's usually towards a Disney or Pixar film. And that's not all, there have also been stories about some Academy voters relying on their kids to watch the animated films, tell them their favorite, and just go with what they thought was the best. This controversy arose the more that Disney kept up with the streak since Brave won the award in 2012, and accusations of the Academy being ignorant about animation always goes back to Cartoon Brew's articles surrounding it.
Cartoon Brew is a website that headlines news and think pieces about anything going around in the animation industry, with animation historian Amid Amidi being its current head honcho. I've heard a lot of negative comments about Amidi, but I have a love-hate relationship with the guy. When he makes a point, sometimes he can make a pretty solid one, but other times I feel like he can get his viewpoints all over his head. I really like how passionate he is about animation but I hate his...say, Accumulate the Negative attitude. So, for example, let's take a look at Amidi's past article where he bemoans the animation Oscar jury in 2017, 'cause third time's the charm, am I right?
Academy members’ flippant attitude and outright disdain for animation has led to a crisis of confidence in the organization’s abilities to judge animation.
That would be the tl;dr version of the article, and the least I can say from that point is...that I'll give Amidi some credit for trying to sell the drama by using remarkably big words.
...The more likely culprit is good old-fashioned ignorance. Giving the award to the company with the biggest footprint in the industry is an unsurprising choice for voters who have no passion for animated filmmaking and no knowledge of the craft.
Implying that you do know these Academy members personally to make this assumption, right? The comments on each voters' ballot shouldn't speak for everything.
...they’ve also shown themselves uniquely unqualified to judge animated filmmaking, often expressing contempt for the art form and viewing it as a lesser craft than what they produce in live action.
You know, when some of the Oscar voters have expressed refuting to vote for the animation field, it could either mean that they aren't an open book when it comes to the art form, or they wholeheartedly have zero interest in animated films. Like the other couple articles, this one makes it sound like that the Academy voters have insulted the art form - that in which is kinda of a harsh generalization. If voting for any of the non-animation Oscar categories isn't considered to be mandatory, then I don't see how the animation categories should be treated as voting for it is mandatory.
This is all I can quote from the article, because the rest of the way, Amidi does make a fair point about the Academy Awards' animation field and the perception of it as an indicator of excellence in animation. Although, one question I have is why should I be mad about Zootopia winning Best Animated Feature that year? I personally thought it was the best piece of animation of 2016. Just to give one last detail about Amidi, I have heard stories about how Amidi has a problematic relationship with Disney. He hasn't expressed contempt about Coco winning this year, but even if some others are, I don't see much of a reason to get mad over the film's win either when I felt that it's such a strong contender for 2017's greatest work of animation. Heck, I even saw most of the other nominated 2016 animation films and I still would have to choose Zootopia, with Kubo and the Two Strings being stuck at second place and My Life as a Courgette behind third being Kubo.
So, most of you all are thinking right now on what point I'm trying to make across while I'm still writing out this long, detailed rambling about Cartoon Brew and the Oscars? I think it would be pleasant enough to see other members of the Academy to be more of an open book on animation, but calling out some of the anonymous members as disrespectful to animation for their treatment with the animation categories is not a very respectable thing to commit to, IMO. Other than that, even if the Oscars' animation field is losing its meaning, its voters could be partly to blame, but I don't anyone is of a bigger fault than the animation age ghetto.
The animation age ghetto (caps or no caps; toe-may-toe, ta-mah-toe.) is the belief that animation can be only be viewed and enjoyed by children, and it's become quite a crutch for most people who have no interest in the art form. As long as this sticks around, I expect not so much to change from some of the anonymous Oscar voters and their participation with the animation categories for years AND years to come.
So, what do I think about the Oscars and their "broken" Animated Feature/Short Film awards? I already made myself clear with the quotation marks, but anyways, I'd say it's not broken at all. In fact, when you find yourself in a conversation about any awards show, expect to always find the kind of people who aren't satisfied with every recipient that won a particular award. In fact, I believe that award ceremonies don't always seem to get everything right. Granted, I was upset when the Oscars put "In a Heartbeat" on the back burner, but I shook that feeling off after a short while. Hear me out on this when I say that I don't think the winner or nominations for an award matter so much for excellence in animation - at least to me. I think it at least matters that animation is always going to be recognized as an art form and that the AMPAS recognizes animation as an art form. Any particular animated feature, short, or TV series that I've enjoyed will always stand out as a winner in my eyes - and that's only a part of what it means for me to be a passionate fan of animation.
So yeah, that was a pretty lengthy rambling. This is a think piece, whereas I'm expressing as much of my inner thoughts on something as possible, so I am open to criticism or arguments regarding any of my thoughts. Later this month I'll write up my next blog entry. Certainly it will be my next FOP review, so my next entry will be as long as this.
I had to post this here as I wasn't sure if this would fit the criteria of the "Sharing Time" forum. What I want to talk about here something... rather personal. Lately I've been suffering from a horrible case of the Blues, and that's because I've been in deep, deep thought, with a great deal of trouble, worry, and woe infesting my mind. Some of this stuff isn't that personal, like the environment and the direction this world's going in, but what I want to talk about are the more personal stuff. I've been thinking about how I feel like a big loser who deserves EVERYTHING bad you can think of to happen to him, and deserves bad luck to follow him like a shadow. That I deserve to be insulted, threatened, harassed, and beaten to a quivering pulp. That I need to be called an empty-headed, clumsy, technology-obsessed nerd who's always in a hurry to do stuff. That I deserve to be thrown into a volcano by savage island natives to appease their god. OK, maybe not that last thing...
And I feel this way because I feel like I have a little trouble with a few skills, and my apparent struggle with one of these skills might as well be the death of me if I don't work on it soon enough. These skills include, paying attention, taking my time, not getting so upset all the time, focusing, and having a better understanding of the world. Seriously, I'm so clueless of certain aspects of this big, big world that if you asked me the difference between a forceps and a scalpel I'd have to Google it. I'm just that clueless. I'm also the only guy in the room who probably wouldn't get a joke that makes everyone else roar with laughter. I feel like if I could work on at least a few of these skills, I could live a happier life. I could be a better friend, and even find me some new ones. Because of all this, I'm always the "quiet man", who only makes a little comment here 'n' there
And sometimes, I think technology is to blame for this, and that I'm the very definition of what they say when the 'Net is ruining today's society. I really do think that sometimes, my brain's turned into goop from excessive use of computers. Despite this, I don't really think I am an Internet addict, although I was one much earlier.
Speakin' of happiness- that's another thing. I'm kinda bored with life here on Earth. I'm always hoping that something comes up, out of the blue, that's gonna make me so happy, I'd dance all around the house, and maybe into the streets, and for the most part, that's probably only happened only once or twice recently. We've never went anywhere as far as Massachusetts, and I know some people never really leave their homes, or go anywhere really far from their state, but like some of them, I'm unhappy that there's so much world to explore, and we've only set foot in a very, very small portion of it!!!! So, yeah, I could use some serious cheering-up.
And, that's it. Any advice you got, lay 'em on me.
My best/worst hit songs of 2017 and best movies of 2017 lists are coming, but in the meantime, I wanted to get this list out. (And find an excuse to post on this blog again after a long while ) I didn't listen to a ton of albums in 2017, but a majority of the ones I did check out were pretty solid. So here's to the albums I loved last year.
Melodrama - Lorde
Genre: Pop, electropop
Melodrama is a practically perfect slice of pop music. Lorde has grown older since the release of Pure Heroine in 2013, and it shows in her songwriting. Lorde was 19-20 at the time of recording this album and looks at the world from the perspective of someone in her late teens who is both in awe of and unsure of the world. She parties with friends and deals with the high highs of being in love and the low lows after a relationship ends. Her lyrics are beautiful and painfully honest at the same time. Coupled with Jack Antonoff's production, which sounds like an electronic dream, this album is wonderful music. It's an anthem of a young girl still trying to find herself and feels like peeking in on the intimacies of someone's diary.
DAMN. - Kendrick Lamar
Genre: Hip-hop, conscious rap
There's a reason why many consider Kendrick Lamar to be one of the best rappers in the business right now. He hardly misses a beat on his fourth studio album. Kendrick not only has a great flow but also sharp and insightful lyrics. He ruminates on a variety of topics, from what it means to be black in America to religion to reflections on his fame. Though he has plenty of conscious songs to think about, he also has some tracks that are infectiously catchy (don't tell me you've never bopped your head to Humble) and just plain fun to listen to. He doesn't have a wide roster of guest artists, but the ones he does use--Rihanna, Zacari, and U2--put in fine performances. If I had to sum up my feelings about this album in one word, "damn" would be very appropriate.
Lust for Life - Lana Del Rey
Lana Del Rey has become famous for her moody-toned pop, but on Lust for Life, she turns over a new, happier leaf. In a world that's become bleaker since Trump came into office, Lana offers a spot of hope. This is an album about celebrating life, falling in love, and taking important issues to life. It's still filtered through her signature dreamy sound, but it sounds more uplifting than ever before. It gives me "1967 Summer of Love vibes", with peace and happiness being the message. Not to mention, Lust for Life serves up two lovely collabs with Stevie Nicks, Sean Ono Lennon, and A$AP Rocky (oh, and Playboi Carti, but he's basically just a bunch of ad-libs ). It's a delight from start to finish.
Ctrl - SZA
Genre: R&B, neo soul
SZA has really made something special with her debut album. Actually, calling Ctrl just an album seems simplistic. It's a revelation. SZA writes crushingly raw and honest lyrics about love. Her insecurities and jealousy are laid out bare in the lyrics, creating a strong emotional impact. SZA's vocals are passionate and captivating, riding the soulful, hip-hop-inspired (with some sprinkles of electronic and pop too) production like a professional surfer cruising the waves. After such a superb debut, I can't wait to see what she does next.
After Laughter - Paramore
Genre: New wave, pop rock, synth-pop, power pop
"Cry hard, dance harder." This tweet from Hayley Williams accurately sums up the overall vibe of After Laughter. Though Paramore got its start and initial fame as a pop-punk group, the band has been leaning more into pop over the years. This latest album is unabashedly and unapologetically pop. Its bright, sunny, 80s pop vibes mix well with the lyrics, which are often deep emotional confessions. Things may seem bright, but people aren't always happy and sometimes it's hard to make the attempt to be happy. After Laughter is frank about the emotional battles Hayley has had to face regarding topics such as growing up and self-doubt. However, even though the album sings about the blues, there are moments of hope. And that's what's really beautiful about it.
hopeless fountain kingdom - Halsey
Genre: Pop, synth-pop
Halsey's albums always seem to take place in different worlds. On her Room 93 EP, the action took place in the intimacy of a hotel room. Her first album, Badlands, is set in the wide, futuristic called the Badlands. With this second album, the main narrative is set against the backdrop of the titular hopeless fountain kingdom, an inescapable realm with a Romeo and Juliet-inspired narrative of a girl and a guy from rival houses. Compared to Badlands, this album is definitely poppier, and I absolutely love it. There are parts that sound like a jazzy party at Gatsby's, parts that sound like a smooth, synth-laden drive through the vast lands, and beautiful, emotional ballads. The lyrics are an intriguing look into Halsey's struggles with relationships as well as her bipolar disorder. Though her character wants to escape the kingdom in the narrative, I was a bit sad to leave this fantastical world once the album was over.
Rainbow - Kesha
Kesha is back, and I dare say that this is her best record yet. After a messy, awful legal battle with Dr. Luke, Kesha was able to take her pain and make some lovely art out of it. It explores themes of letting go of the past, empowerment, and forgiving yourself, and it sounds so therapeutic coming from Kesha. It's also a really cool mix of different genres, including glam rock and country pop. Rather than sounding like a mish-mash, Kesha makes all these genres work to produce an intriguing sound. This is Kesha's revival, and I am totally here for it. It hasn't been an easy road for her but fortunately, she was able to create this shining album.
Harry Styles - Harry Styles
Genre: Soft rock, rock, Britpop
It's been intriguing to see the creative paths the One Direction boys have taken now that all of them are making solo music. Harry's music was definitely a surprise. Who would've thought this boy band singer would harken back to the sound of the 1970s for his album? It's part soft rock, part rollicking rock and roll, and 100% a fun ride. Not to mention Harry has some dreamy vocals as well. It's safe to say I've been utterly charmed by his musical, ahem, styles.
Sacred Hearts Club - Foster the People
Genre: Indie pop, neo-psychedelia, alternative rock
This album has been polarizing, especially since it's a noticeable departure from the sound of Torches and Supermodel (and to take things further, even the album art is different: a photo of the band rather than the artwork of Young & Sick) but I enjoyed it. Foster the People does quite a bit of experimentation on this album and it works for me. It's funky, psychedelic, and mesmerizing. What hasn't changed is the band's ability to create thought-provoking lyrics about society as well as some solid tracks about relationships. This is definitely a weird album in parts, but I embrace it.
Something to Tell You - HAIM
Genre: Pop rock, indie pop, indie rock
Does Something to Tell You depart much from their debut album, Days Are Gone? Not really. But there's still something delightful in the sounds of all-girl band HAIM. They still have beautiful harmonies, passionate lyrics about love and heartbreak, and a sunny vintage sound that harkens back to the days of Fleetwood Mac and soft rock of the 70s and 80s. Still, even with the familiar comforts, there's experimentation with pitch-shifting on vocals and interesting production touches, especially from the likes of Rostam Batmanglij (formerly of the band Vampire Weekend). Even though it doesn't quite reach the heights of that first album, HAIM's still got some special girl-power magic in them.
Didn't forget this existed
But yeah, been awhile since I updated everyone how I've been. Overall, I'd say things have been pretty good. Finished my first full year on my own in college and fair to say I learned a lot, good and bad. My recent semester wasn't quite as crazy as the first one, but still been having a good time when I can. Plan's to be done next spring if all goes to plan, but I wouldn't be surprised if it goes into next fall. We'll see as we get there.
My Dad and his wife moved to Florida with my sister over the summer, so it's just my Mom now. Kind of disappointed since it felt like he just abandoned me and my brother, but I can't say it doesn't surprise me. I hope that works out and relationships don't suffer, but I don't have confidence in them. Oh well. Despite this, I do feel confident about where things are going for me, which as many of you know is not something I've always been able to say. Here's to (hopefully) more positive posts in here.
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New Years Arc
Episode 1, Written by: Aya, Date: December 3rd, 2017
"Gin-channnnnn, I'm hungryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy." Kagura said sprawled out on the couch.
"With that attitude, you're lucky enough to get some bread." Gintoki said, flipping through the latest issue of Jump. He reached over and adjusted his picture of Kiyoko and gave it a small smile.
"I can't believe how infatuated you are with this woman Gintoki. You've never had such a hankering for a woman before." Skele said, taking a sip of Pepsi Brand Skeleton Juice™.
"AHAHAHA! Skele is right Kintoki! You should just let her go! Get you a real woman, a free woman!" Sakamoto said.
"WHY ARE THESE TWO IN OUR HOUSE?!" Shinpachi yelled.
"These are my friends you bastard Pachisan. After letting you back into this house after your little run away stunt as if you are some rebellious teenager, you should be grateful." Gintoki said, slamming his comic book down.
"Gin-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!" Kagura whined.
"IF YOU DON'T SHUT YOUR YATO MOUTH UP, I'LL SHUT IT FOR YA!" Gintoki yelled.
"OH YEAH? YA WANNA GO YOU FUCKIN IDGIT?!" Kagura yelled back.
"Tatsuma, are these guys normally like this?" Skele asked, scratching his jaw bone.
"AHAHAHA! You have so much to catch up on me boney friend!" Sakamoto said, giving his bones a big hug.
"Come on guys, lets not fight!" Shinpachi got in the middle of the two bickering, but Sadaharu jumped on all three of them, smashing them into the floor. As the Yorozuya were wounded and broken on the floor, a knock could be heard at the front door. "Do we actually have customers?" Shinpachi asked.
"Well, this sure is a first. We haven't had a customer since the first paragraph of TBC." Gintoki said, walking up to the door. A small Oi could be heard coming from the living room. More knocks could be heard, getting louder. "Alright, alright I'm coming." Gintoki slid open the door and saw Bansai standing there with a suit and tie on. "What's with the get-up hippie. What could you or Shinsuke possibly want with us." Gintoki said, picking his nose. Bansai looked a little nervous, since unbeknownst to Gintoki, Shinsuke was point a sword at Bansai's throat just out of sight.
"Uhmm, Gintoki-san. Please accept this invitation...oh, Sakamoto-san and Skele-san are both here too...do you want me to give them their invitations as well? OW! Ok, ok, Sakamoto, Skele-san get over here too." Bansai was poked by Shinsuke's sword. Skele and Sakamoto walked over next to Gintoki. Gintoki and the other Joui members grabbed the papers and looked at it. Kagura and Shinpachi got behind Gin to take a peek too.
"What does it say Gin-chan, is it an invitation to eat food?!" Kagura asked, getting excited. Gintoki's expression turned to a grim one, as did the other two. Gintoki lowered the paper and looked at Bansai.
Gintoki then showed the card back to Bansai,
"OIIIII WHAT IS THIS?!" Gintoki yelled.
"Well uh, Shinsuke-dono is getting married to Katsura-dono on New Years." Bansai said, twiddling his thumbs.
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA! -vomit noises-" Sakamoto fell over on the ground.
"Tatsuma!" Skele rushed to his aid.
"Shinsuke uh...wants you three, Gintoki, Skele, and Sakamoto-san to be groomsman." Bansai said.
"Oi, come on now, I'm not his best man? I'm guessing you are eh Guitar Man?" Gintoki asked.
"Uh, no, I'm just a groomsman too. I don't know who the best man is. Shinsuke-dono is telling them personally." Bansai said. Bansai got poked again by the sword, "OH, and uh, Katsura requested that uh..." Bansai squinted at some notes he had, "Reeeda, I'm assuming that's you Kagura-san, for you to be a Bridesmaid. Alright, that is all. Wedding details are on the back of the card. Don't forget to bring a gift." Bansai swiftly ran down the steps and out of sight.
"WAHOO! I'm a bridesmaid! Wedding food sounds REALLY good. Gin-chan, hurry up and marry someone so we can have two feasts." Kagura said, tugging on Gin's kimono.
"Sorry Kagura, but my heart belongs to only one woman. The woman I've had dreams about for months and months and-"
"Months you say Yorozuya?" Suddenly, Ozu, Umibozu, and Kiyoko were standing at the doorway, Ozu with a very, very angry look.
"Ahaha! Such a big misunderstanding Old Man! I was uhhhhhhh talking about Ketsuno Ana! The weatherlady! Yeah...that girl." Gintoki said, trying to act cool. Shinpachi was wise enough to place the picture of Kiyoko face down on the desk.
"Yorozuya, I see that you have an invite to this maniac's wedding. I would not have gone, if it hadn't been for Kiyoko being selected as a bridesmaid." Ozu said.
"I'm gonna wear a gnarly suit dude." Kiyoko said.
"I also got invited, not sure why, but I'm just happy to be here." Umibozu said with a smile.
"Papi, I think you're just here for the plot's sake." Kagura said, saddening the bald man.
"Well, anyway Yorozuya, I was just stopping by to check in. You wouldn't happen to know what happened to Hasegawa have you?" Ozu leaned in closer, "After that weekend, me and Baldy haven't seen him since." Ozu said.
"Oh, no, I was wondering the same thing. He gets really wild when he's drunk. For all I know, he could be dead in a ditch somewhere." The scene flashes over to the real Hasegawa's grave,
"Yeah Jimmy, I got this invitation to go to a wedding for some samurais. It said I could bring a guest, so guess who's coming to dinner?!" Gonard said excitedly over the phone.
"Cool...wait, what samurais?" Yamazaki asked.
"Oh, uh...Cat soupra and Takahashi!" Gonard said.
"Hmm...yeah Gonard, I'd love to come." Yamazaki knew what his best friend was talking about. He hung up the phone and ran the information over to the crutches bound Vice Chief.
"Thank you for the invitation Yamazaki, we'll be sure to crash this wedding with style." The demon vice chief smirked.
Guano, Yes Man, and Genos were all sitting on the couch at the Penthouse. Yes Man had invited Genos and Saitama over to have some big chill, and they gladly accepted since they were bored. Saitama was raiding the fridge for some Good Eats featuring Alton Brown.
"Man, Tankui, your fridge is stocked. Mine only has eggs and milk and some rice." Saitama said, biting into a large chicken leg.
"Yeah, go ahead and eat whatever, I'm sure the 'rents don't mind." Guano said, channel surfing.
"Look at my sensei go, he is a pro eater you know. I bet he could eat a thousand chicken legs in one sitting." Genos said with a twinkle in his robotic eye.
"Well, I'm sure Ozu could eat a thousand and one!" Yes Man said. Genos and Yes Man continued to one up each other while Guano was focusing on the news.
"Sky 9 News with a special report! This is Roberta reporting on a recent slaying of a local serial burglar. Here are some graphic images at the scene of the crime:
"They seem to have left some sort of mark of theirs, perhaps a serial killer is on the loose? Stay tuned with Sky 9 News!!" Guano turned the TV off.
"Man, the news is such a drag. Well, at least that guy won't be stealing anymore cats." Guano said, very morbidly.
"WELL! My sensei can eat 1 infinity chicken legs in one sitting!" Genos said, crossing his arms.
"OZU CAN EAT INFINITY +1!" Yes Man yelled.
"NU UH, YOU TAKE THAT BACK!" Genos wrestled the Yes Man to the ground, while Saitama took a seat where they were.
"Want some chicken?" Saitama asked.
"No thanks, I think I've lost my appetite." Guano said.
"HA! It's my second favorite green person!" Kamui was twirling the steering wheel of his ship. Bansai looked especially nervous.
"Uhhh, Shinsuke-dono would like to speak with you Kamui-san." Kamui smiled as two Yato crew members carried Bansai away. Shinsuke walked in after them.
"Ah! My favorite purple midget!" Kamui said with a slight chuckle.
"Kamui, my friend. We've known each other for quite some time, worked together to fight aliens, and all that jazz. But now, I come to you as a friend." Takasugi said, taking a puff.
"You'd be an even better friend if you would smoke that outside in the vacuum of space!" Kamui said smiling.
Takasugi's mind was going to that dark place again, but he shook himself out of it.
"Kamui, please accept this for you and your 2nd and 3rd in command." Takasugi handed him the wedding invitation.
"Hey, what about me?" 4th ass asked from the other side of the captain's room.
"Sorry, but I don't know you, unlike these three who good friends of mine." Takasugi said.
"HA SHINSUKE GETTING MARRIED?! THIS IS COMEDY GOLD, OF COURSE WE'LL COME!" Kamui said. He brought down a radio receiver. "ABUTO, NO MAN, GET YOUR ASSES DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!" Kamui yelled over the ship's intercom. No Man came right in, saluting, while Abuto slowly made his way in, since he was awoken from a deep nap.
"Come on Chief, you know it's my nap time." Abuto said. Kamui punched him to wake him up, it worked.
"You 2 dorks are coming with me to Shinny's wedding! HA!" Kamui said, laughing even more.
"Kamui...would you like to be my best man?" Takasugi asked. Kamui stopped laughing and looked right at Shinsuke with a sincere face.
"Sure thing buddy HA!" Kamui gave Takasugi a hug that nearly squeezed the life out of him. Abuto and No Man also congratulated their former 1st place friend.
"You two are so cute together dog!" No Man said.
"Yeah man, I always knew you two had a thing together." Abuto said with a smile.
"Thanks guys, I can't wait to see you again on New Years." Takasugi said, leaving the captain's quarters.
"Well boys, we've got another arc to partake in!" Kamui said smiling. "4th ass, I trust you'll handle the ship well!" Kamui said, patting his back. 4th Ass gave a sad look as he took the wheel.
Takasugi and Bansai finally made it back to the Kihentai and met up with the other members.
"I assume you two also got the rest of the invitations out?" Takasugi asked Matako and Feminist.
"Ye-yes Shinsuke-sama." Matako said, with a pouty face.
"Good, now I'll be off to my cabin." Shinsuke said, taking a puff while walking away.
"Get ready to plug your ears guys." Bansai said, putting his headphones on. Shinsuke opened up his door and saw exactly what he wanted.
"Sh-Shinny...glad you could come. Join me...my husbando." Zurako said with a blush. Takasugi puffed a big cloud of smoke like an old cartoon character. He was ready for this life, there was no turning back on the 1st.
Episode 2, Written by: Cha, Date: December 4th, 2017
In the main hallway Bansai, Takechi and reluctantly Matako were standing in front of two teams for each bachelor party. Elizabeth, Kagura, Otae, Kiyoko, Shinji, Gintoki and some new girl in piggy tails on one side. Kamui, No Man, Abuto, Shinpachi and Skele on the other side. Sakamoto was busy throwing up in a trash can.
”Welcome to Shinsuke-sama and... ugh Katsura-sama’s pre-bachelor party set up.” Matako looked dead.
”Hi Never-Was Shinsuke’s girlfriend!” Kamui waved happily and Takechi had to hold her back.
“Now then. I want you two to do this in an orderly fashion. Shinsuke-sama is counting on you both to-“ Bansai paused as Kamui raised his hand.
“Yeah ahuh. Where’s the part where the simple GROOMS MAN stops BUTTING in and let the BEST MAN plan the damn party?” The redheaded teenager smiled and Bansai sighed.
“Oi, why am I here? Or my damn kids? What business do they have at two adults’ bachelor parties?” Gintoki sighed bored and dug for gold with his trusty “shovel”.
“Gin-chan! Don’t be mean, I’m a bridesmaid! And you’re both these boneheads friend!” Kagura chowed down on some complementry crab legs like a ravaged animal.
“You look like a maid.” Gin imagined one of those middle aged ones with a bunch of big hairy moles.
“YAAAAAAHHHHH.” Kagura slugged him acros the face.
“OI YOU CAN SEE IN MY THOUGHTS?!” Gintoki asked while getting his ass handed to him.
“Okay then...” Bansai sighed
“We would like you to plan these parties as paid Odd Jobs.” Takechi said. Gintoki, Kagura and Shinpachi (who was dragged into the scuffle) instantly stopped their fighting.
”We’ll do it!” The trio proclaimed super happily.
Bansai turned to the giant duck.
-Me, the girls and Gintoki (and Shinji) already have everything taken care of for Katsura’s- Maid of Honor, Elizabeth signed. She had a princess crown on her, requested by Katsura.
”SHINJI? HA!” Kamui fell back in gut belly laughter and Shinji looked sad.
The new girl in the piggy tails just stood there and chewed up some jelly filled treat.
“Uuhhh.” Bansai scratched his head at this stranger girl as did the others.
“I’m Zurako-chan’s little twice removed third cousin, Yammy!”
She said in a falsetto voice and took another bite on her anapan. Something she ate a lot on on spy away missions.
“Yam-chan, you are so cute!” Kagura said happily.
“I didn’t think there was anyone attractive in a family like Zurako-chan’s.” Otae smiled.
“Why does she remind me of a friend of mine’s son’s friend...” Kiyoko pondered but shrugged it off, seeing the provided refreshments on the table behind them.
“P-princess! I’ll be working with you..?” Gintoki said silently.
“Oi, tree head. Can we remove this perm head in heat from our side? We’re already all girls.” Kagura added and Shinji looked sad again.
“You betraying little chinahead RUNT!” Gintoki and Kagura got in a scuffle as the others just moved on.
“I’m ashamed Kyu-chan wasn’t invited, she said something about really wanting to be next to me when we find maid gowns together.” Otae commented.
“More like she wants to be IN your maid gown.” Gintoki straight manned silently.
“Kyuubei-san was explicitly not invited by Katsura-dono for, ‘overlapping character traits.’” Takechi said reading a huge font in caps and bolded piece of paper. “Shame, she’s the cutest 17 year old I ever saw...”
Otae beat her fist at the feminist as Gintoki hit him with his sword.
“OI, DON’T STRAIGHT MAN YOU TWO, THAT’S MY JOB!” Shinpachi yelled.
“THEN DO YOUR PART!” Gintoki and Otae smacked him on his glasses head.
“Just keep this modest. I’m sure they wouldn’t want something too lewd or noisy.” Bansai added.
“Like their bedroom every night, Bansai-dono?” Bruised up and straight face Takechi said next to him but Bansai elbowed him.
“You heard the tree, duck. Nothing too lewd or noisy” Evil grinning Kamui jokingly elbowed Elizabeth and she signed a smirk picture.
“Oh boy, Chief is finally gonna let loose!” No Man rubbed his hands. “Bring on the curvy cuties!”
Abuto and Skele with elbows on each other’s shoulders shook their head at this horomonal green man. A long lasting friendship in the works perhaps?
”Good luck...” Shinji said to Shinpachi as he wheeled away with his team.
”Good luck too..” Shinpachi gave respect fist in the air. They both knew they wouldn’t make out of either of these events alive.
“Welcome Shinsuke... TO YOUR BACHELOR PARTY OF THE YEAR!!!” Kamui took his sticky (with slurp juice) hands off the midget’s one eye.
“What the fuck is this.” Takasugi just stared at it.
“ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!” Shinpachi said, holding his clipboard of a checklist.
”Excuse me oiing pair of glasses?” Kamui smiled.
”W-WERE THERE DEAD BODIES IN HERE?!” Shinpachi said frightened. “And did you call me oiing pair of glasses again?!”
”Too bad they were all shipped to the dump on Wednesday, would have made some great decore.” Kamui looked dissappointed. Shinpachi knew his straight man work would be harder than ever before, this man was related to the chaos queen, Kagura after all.
“Dude, who would have this kind of party?” No Man looked at it in disgust. “This is dirtier than my bedroom and THAT’S saying a lot.”
“Nah probably not Short Man.” Abuto commented but No Man couldn’t disagree.
“EXCUSE you two and that skeleton.” Kamui said and Skele had his hands up in defense. “This would be my kind of bachelor party anyways!”
“Who would you even get married to? Your slurpee bride?” Abuto had his arm on Skele’s who chuckled a bit.
“Get me... the fuck out of here.. Kamui.” Takasugi formed his hands into fists.
“Now, now. Don’t start up your dark and twisted music, Shinsuke. Me and Halfster always have back up for these kind of things.” Abuto said and him and No Man whipped out their phones for a call.
“Oh thank god.. we can save this disaster after all..” Shinpachi exhaled.
“Oh wait dog, I have an incoming call...” No Man said and Abuto did too.
“Hello?” They both said.
“OH NO, you’re NOT.” Kamui super loudly yelled in his phone and ripped their own phones off their pounding ears. “I AM THE BEST MAN. You will NOT DO SUCH A THING!”
“I can hear so many screams in this place! I-it’s bringing back horrible memories...” Skele was flashbacking to the Skeleton War with his lost comrads but snapped himself out of it.
“I’m starting to rethink this best man thing...” Shinsuke mummured.
“C’mon Chief, look at how mad you’re making Shinsuke. Just let us handle the rented space and entertainment and you can boss us around, eh?” Abuto negotiated.
“Fine. But only because I wouldn’t want to see the big groom himself frown.” Kamui joked and put his fingers on Shinsuke’s face to form a smile.
“I’m already frowning.” He added.
“Okay Zurako... one more block...” Kiyoko said. While Elizabeth had her flippers over Zurako’s eyes.
”Thank you Kiyoko-dono. I will have a baby shower for you soon to make up for this party today.” Zurako added.
”I’m not pregnant...” Kiyoko said getting pretty frustrated.
-You’re doing great.- Elizabeth signed.
“Thank you Lizzy, though I feel nervous.” Zurako added and the others looked in confused stares that she was able to read the sign with closed eyes. “I am so excited that the entire night I couldn’t stop eating cake frosting!” Zurako said in a tizzy of emotions. “Oh Shinny is gonna think I’m so fat!”
“He’ll think you’re lovely, Zurako-chan.” Otae smiled.
“You’re very lovely....” Shinji blushed hard.
“Very convicted- er uh, I mean lovely!” Yammy added.
“We just need to take this frosting cup away from you, my dude.” Kiyoko grabbed it but Kagura lanched after it.
“IT’S MINE!” Kagura said.
“I’ll give you the spoon afterwards, kid.” Kiyoko chuckled but they got an all out struggle for the sweet treat.
“Okay, welcome to your bachelor/bachelorette party, Zurako-chan!” Otae said as Elizabeth took her hands off her face.
“OOH!” Zurako eagerly looked around the room in delight. “Manicure/pedicure station, romantic movies, pin the tail on the... weird shaped thing, rainbow stuffed animals, a book of list of boys I like: 1. Shinny! 2. Shinny! Elizabeth, girls, Shinji-dono. You threw a wonderful party!”
“Oi, Zura. Are you really buying into this crap?” Gintoki entered the room and leaned a shoulder on her. All the girls threw stuff at his face.
“What do you mean, Gintoki?” Zurako wondered.
“The girly stuff, these pink walls, the lack of some REAL manly entertainment. I mean c’mon, what do you think?” Gintoki said, the girls and the handicapped boy looking very angry at him.
“Well I see.. I guess it’s.... FIVE O’CLOCK SOMEWHERE!” Zurako shouted as the girls and Shinji joined in on the shouts. They got out some champagne glasses but threw them aside and got out a long straw for her mouth.
“CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!” Zurako drank in delight. Gintoki rolled his eyes and stood next to Kiyoko.
“Come on Gintoki!” She smiled and placed a hand on his shoulder. He perked up as if drinking fourty shots at once.
“WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR YOU DRAG QUEEN?! CHUUUG!” He said super happily and pushed a bunch of beer cans down Zurako’s throat, causing her to choke.
“LET’S PARTY! Oh Vice-Chief would be so mad if he heard me say his line...” Yammy said as the girls clanged their wine glasses.
“AHAHAHAHAHA!” Sakamoto was behind the guys as they tried not to make direct eye contact with “it”. “Did you guys forget me? AHAHA It’s alright! So what’s my part in all of this?”
“Uhhhhh...” Abuto, Skele and Shinpachi were thinking.
“Be our watch out, dog. Make sure the bride... or is Zurako a groom...? Well make sure those girls and the rest ain’t seein’ us.” No Dog elbowed Abuto. For they knew it was highly unlikely they were in the same building space.
“Watch Dog, alright! HAHAHAHA!”
“Well, I didn’t use dog, like that but-“ Kamui dragged No Man inside the rented facility room.
“This is bare...” Shinsuke eyes were completely black at this point.
“At this rate, the girls must be doing better than us!” Shinpachi said scared.
Kamui grabbed Abuto and No Man by the front scarf connecting to their cape, hoisting them with ease off the ground.
“I thought you two had backup plans.” He smiled, his grip on their capes getting tighter with each word.
“W-we do! The entertainment said it’ll be here in t-twenty minutes!” Abuto sweated.
“Twenty minutes? Are you trying to make me look like a bad Best Man?” Kamui started to choke them with their own the capes.
“Please Chief! I don’t wanna die just yet! I haven’t gotten laid in a week!” No Man pleaded between gasps of air.
Chief dropped them both on their behinds as they took a second to exhale from their near death experience.
“Great, what are we gonna do until then?” Shinpachi said distressed. “Takasugi is looking more and more grim!”
“No worries. I got this for now. Well this was your wedding gift to you, Shinsuke but.” Skele pulled out a very special, custom made gift.
“....This is...the best gift I have ever recieved...”
“That will buy us enough time.” Skele said sure of himself.
“Great thinking Skele-san!” Shinpachi smiled.
“HEY MR. TAKASUGI!” Sakamoto shouted, entering the room. “The girls are just in the other room. What are the odds! HAHA!”
Kamui proceeded to pounce on the man, whip out a garbage bag and tied him inside, Sakamoto was squirming.
“Oh look! A few minutes into the party and we already have trash!” Kamui smiled, kicking his moving body.
“OI! DON’T KILL THE POOR GUY!” Shinpachi yelled.
“Man, how does my idiot sister deal with all those ois.” Kamui snapped his fingers and pointed to his head, gesturing for Abuto to rub his temples. He did so while sighing. Sakamoto took this time to get out of the bag for one last visual gag.
“Mr. Takasugi! I also got a text message from your phone! Zura says ‘have a good time babe.’ Mr. Takasugi, it basically means...”
Kamui, No Man and even Shinpachi stuffed him in the bag and kicked him several times.
“Why do you have my phone....”
Shinsuke couldn’t hold his anger in much longer. Shinpachi was afraid to be in a room with these four bad guys when this broke out.
“Hey! Look! The delivery truck is here!” Skele tried to divert the conversation and pointed with his boney hand to outside.
“Oh thank god...” Abuto sighed out.
“Did somebody call for a good time?” The delivery men brought a pool table, a hot tub, a karaoke machine, a Playstation, a flat screen TV, balloons, streamers, etc.
The guys all high fived and body bumped each other.
“Damn! Bring the girls out!” No Man laughed while his sticky self was in the bubbly water. The delivery guys wheeled in a big cake.
“Food! Finally!” Kamui said eagerly and jumped out of the hot tub.
“Chief I don’t think...” Abuto started to say. Suddenly Matako popped out of the cake.
”SURPRISE! SHINSUKE-SAMA! HAPPY-“
Kamui took his umbrella and whacked the shit out of her head. She laid unmoving in the remains of the cake.
“Aw man... this cake had a big fat rat in it. Shame.” Kamui sighed and got back in the tub, the others stunned and Takasugi disgusted.
The girls (and Shinji and Gintoki) were all sitting on pink beanbag chairs in a circle. Lizzy was giving Zurako a medi/pedi as Zurako looked in bliss.
“WAIT OI WHAT SHAPE IS THIS CAKE IN?!” Gintoki spat it out.
“I’m suprised you even touched that, none of us did. Even Kagura wouldn’t take a bite.” Kiyoko added.
Gintoki felt betrayed. Also turned on from Kiyoko talking to him directly but mostly betrayed.
“Except for the bride.” Kagura whispered.
“Zura...” Gintoki looked in horror.
“This is a swell doggy bone shaped cake. But it kind of looks mishapened. And it’s suppose to be white, not peach colored.” Zurako shrugged and ate it anyway.
“Oooh, Zurako-chan. Let’s play a game.” Otae said excitedly.
“If it’s pin the balls on the-“ Gintoki got up but Otae punched him in the legs and he sat down.
“We say a phrase and you have to say one thing about Shinny-san!” She added.
“Okay. I am ready.” Zurako got in game mode.
“Excuse me girls, I need to.... uh....switch out my tampon.” Yammy felt very awkward as the girls were silent.
“Oh well if you need to do that.” Kiyoko shrugged.
“That is an important thing to do.” Otae added.
Yammy walked calmy until reaching the other room. She grabbed onto the wall’s corner and put her watch to her mouth.
“Vice-Chief! Yamazaki Sagarou to Vice-Chief! Katsura’s bachelor party has no supicious activity yet. But I will keep a low down on this.” Yammy whispered.
“Good, this wedding is clearly a cover up for something big. Some alliance between Kiheitai and Jouishishi. Keep us posted.” Hijikata said. She walked back to the room and sat down.
“Alright let’s begin now that everyone’s back.”
“Oi, one second, boss lady!” Kagura chowed down on the rest of the cake.
“OI KAGURA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! THAT’S NOT FOR YOUNG GIRLS!” Gintoki yelled protectively.
“It’s too smooshed up to represent anything but delicious cake for my stomach now, Gin-chan!” She swallowed it down in handfulls at a time.
“FINE GIVE ME THAT.” Gintoki pushed her aside and ate it too.
“Kiyoko-san, you go first!” Otae had an angry vein on her head now from too many distruptions but still smiled.
“Oh okay dude... uh... cup.” She made up on the spot.
“Cups, they remind me of when Shinny cupped me and felt me up-“ Zurako said very straight face and very blushing. This was too much for Shinji.
“Maybe something a little more toned down.” Otae ushered, getting another angry vein. “Your turn, Yammy-chan. You must know your cousin better than anyone.”
“Cousin..?” Zurako looked straight into her eyes. “Lizzy, that’s enough, thank you.” Elizabeth stopped the pedicure and Zurako continued to stare.
“Oh shit.. I’m dead for..” Yammy sweated up a good amount.
“MY COUSIN!” Zurako teared up, hugging her. Yamaz- I mean Yammy looked alarmed. “IT’S BEEN SO LONG I DON’T REMEMBER YOU!”
The others awwww’ed at this display.
“How touching, I know that family renunion feeling.” Kiyoko smiled. “Your turn right, Yammy?”
“Oh yeah... so uh... my word is...Terrorism! Uh... heh..” Yammy tried to brush it off.
“Terrorism, a sad. Sad thing. Reminds me of when Shinsuke and I watched some documenteries on 9/11 and he was crying but also smiling. He is so positive, thinking about the faces of the families who could eventually move on from this soberly event.”
“HE WAS CRYING TEARS OF JOY FOR THE TRADGEY AND SINCE WHEN DO YOU THINK TERRORISM IS A BAD THING?” Yammy said distressed in her head.
“Your turn, Wheelchair-kun.” Otae smiled.
“Wheelchair-kun..?” Shinji looked slightly mad. “Uh, teenage male curiousity?” He blushed.
“Oh.. Well Shinny makes me feel like a teenager in love at times.” Zurako thought.
“Aawwww.” The girls said.
“Blegh.” Gintoki rolled his eyes and continued to eat.
“Shinny means Shinji right..?” Shinji smiled, but knew inside of him that wasn’t the answer.
“He also sneaks me into films on a student discount price by pretending we’re high school sweetheart teenagers.” Zurako added.
”Aaawww.” They said again except Yammy.
”Aaaw like me and Ozu did and never got caught.” Kiyoko smiled.
“Breaking the law....” Yammy looked deadened at her “cousin” especially.
Suddenly someone in a red, revealing bathing suit popped up from the cake Kagura and Gintoki were hammering down.
“GIN-SAAAAN! I AM HERE FOR YOU MY LOVER! THANK YOU FOR EATING UP MY CAKE I MADE EXACTLY IN THE SHAPE OF YOUR WEE-WEE!” Saachan squealed.
“STOP RUINING MY PAAARRRTY!” Otae yelled.
“STOP RUINING MY CAKE TIMEEE!” Kagura screamed.
“STOP LOOKING AT MY WEE-WEE!” Gintoki barked.
“I DIDN’T WANT TO FEEL LEFT OUUUUT!” Zurako shouted.
“OI Zura doesn’t even have a reason to do this!” Gintoki yelled.
Otae, Kagura, Gintoki and Zurako kicked Saachan out window and into the sunset sky.
-Who’s up for some violent and gorey Sex and the City?- Elizabeth signed.
“I am!” They all said, even panophobia Kiyoko, but except traumatized Shinji.
“That’s riiiiighhhht it’s no one’s faaaullt
because I fell in love on my own.” Kamui sung with the karaoke machine.
“Chief, you have the most beautiful singing voice.” No Man shed a single tear as he held up a cellphone for Bansai to hear it
“Shinsuke-sama and Katsura-sama would probably love to have you booked as the singer at the ceremony and reception.” Bansai told him over the phone.
“YES! I was BORN for this role!” Chief fistpumped in the air.
Meanwhile Zurako had left her in chaos party and went outside for some fresh air.
“Shinny Boo!” Zurako said surprised. What are you doing outside the rent center?!” She eagerly went up behind him and clasped her arms around his neck.
“Grrmfhmmmrer.” He replied.
“Uh, didn’t get that” Zurako said and turned the red face midget around. “You’re drunk!”
Shinsuke said before collapsing.
“Oh no, this is no no good. You get so mad when you’re drunk, Shinny.” Zurako repositioned himself so that his finacee was holding onto his abodmen and Zurako petted his purp head. “Crazy Bachelor party?” He chuckled.
“Nah not really, those asses in there know how to throw a party... and make someone want to leave it. What about you, your nose is bleeding.” Takasugi managed to slur out. “Must be from all those housewives inside your party.” He laughed in his voice crack and Zurako’s eyes sparkled. She loved that laugh.
“You so get me.. but no. There was none of that in there but just some crazy ninja lady chasing after Gintoki. I just hit my head and nose on the way here on a few trees. It’s so dark out here.” Zurako explained and Takasugi grinned.
“What the? This is where a good number of TBC characters are at right now? Is that.. Takasugi and Katsura?” The man used his cyborg arm to reach out his handy dandy Gintama magazine. “These two are suppose to be estranged friends at very best. And why is Katsura wearing that? What’s going on?!”
“Maybe a side effect of the Kappa Mikey DVD with the Gintama magazine, Joe?” The big old man Wilford Brimley tried to keep his grip on the tree that was from a distance of Shinsuke and Zurako. The brances he stood on kept breaking and he had to repositon himself. Joe was silent though, trying to collect his thoughts on this.
“Matako was in my cake.” Takasugi nuzzled into the crossdresser’s kimono while almost dozing off.
“WHAT!” Zurako yelled loud enough to raise Shinsuke out of his slumber. “I KNEW she was out for my place...”
“Hey, it’s not like that Zura. I didn’t plan that.” The midget closed his sweepy eyes again.
“Yes my place in line for breakfast at the cafternia every morning. Lizzy and I knew she was no good.” She shook her head.
“Yeah that sounds more like you, Zura.”
Shinsuke added. He realized he wasn’t gonna get any sleep, so he sat up next to the long haired crossdresser man.
There was a silence for several moments as the dudes just watched the lovely dark orange sunset on the lawn. Bruised up Sakamoto was looking around for Zurako when he spot both of them.
“Oh NO!” He pulled out his walkie-talkie. “Code red! The finacees have found each other! I repeat.” He looked at the walkie-talkie again. “A SMARTPHONE?! I CANT USE THIS FOR WALKIE-TALKIE AFFAIRS! AHAH!” He tossed it away. At this outburst Takasugi and Zurako looked back but Sakamoto managed to scramble behind a tree in time.
“Zura Janai, Zurako da. Or Katsura da. Or maybe honey if you want.. Go on.” Katsura fiddled around with the grass but looked at him eagerly.
“Probably the alchohol talking, but I want to let you know what I got you as a wedding gift already.” He pulled out a picture of a fluffy kitty cat.
“A picture of a super fluffy wuffy kitty cat? Oh Shinsuke, I can’t take such a humble gift.”
“No, Zura you silly. I got you the fluffy cat in the picture.”
“TH-TH-THIS LITTLE PRECIOUS ANIMAL FROM ABOVE? WITH THE BIG BEAN PAD PAWS?” Zurako put the picture super close to her eyes and blushed, imagining the soft cuddly thing.
“I made sure I got the biggest bean pad paw around town.” Shinsuke nodded.
Happily overwhelmed Zura went in for the big smooch as Sakamoto caught a glimpse.
“Awwwwww. BLLAAAAAAAAAA” The food from the party didn’t sit with the trading man’s stomach right.
“I got you something too! But it’s a surprise for AFTER the wedding.” Zurako nodded and smiled. “It’s a honeymoon! But I won’t say where.”
“Leaving me with a mystery eh?” Shinsuke hiccuped from the booze from earlier but then spoke up again. “Hey, random but you didn’t happen to see Steve tonight did you?”
“Steve-dono? Oh no. Why? Did you invite him Shinny Boo?”
“Actually I did. I was gonna tell you something very important about him, about us really. But I forgot until now. We were both gonna tell you.” Shinsuke recalled. He fell over from the liquor. “DAMN ORANGE SKY. It better not show to our wedding on the 1st.” He hiccuped. Before the purple man could pump up some kicks, Zurako rushed over and laid his aching head in her lap.
“STEVE...??” Joe from afar said, his pupils became very small. He tightened his grip on the binoculars even moreso.
“Please go ahead. The best you can right now, Shinny Boo.” Zurako smiled again and held the midget’s hand. He in return happily gripped it back.
“Sweeping for Sensei! Sweep! Sweep!” Takasugi sung while holding a broom twice his little size.
“Blue skadoo’ed! We can too!”
Takasugi turned around frantically after hearing that voice. Did some random kid actually teleport behind him?
“W-WHO ARE YOU?! What are you doing at Sensei’s school-!” He held the broom up as if it was a cherished katana.
“It’s okay! I mean no harm.” The kid in the green striped shirt said. “I get kinda lonely, sometimes so I thought I’d visit this book- uh I mean town. Could you help me find Blue, my puppy?”
“Okay.. but I have my eye on you new kid... One false step and you wouldn’t want to come back on the... What day is it?” Takasugi peered through him.
“YEAH. You wouldn’t want to come back on the 11th.” Takasugi held the broom against the kid’s green striped chest but he laughed.
“Come on, kid. By the way, name’s Steve.” Steve chuckled again.
“Well I can’t find that damn puppy of yours, Steve. She’s a lost cause, I’m sorry.” Takasugi was still clutching onto that broom, his Sensei did touch it in the past after all.
“A clue! A clue!” The audience ushered.
“W-WHAT WAS..” Shinsuke said scared.
“You see a clue? Where?! Here we go, Shinsuke!” Steve eagerly spoke out.
“What’s going on?! Who was that?” He hid behind the clue finder.
“Just go along Shin, I promise it won’t take more than a minute to find Blue now! I already found the two other clues at home.” Steve smiled. He looked around intensely.
“Steve I see her! She’s there in that pumpkin patch! .... SENSEI’S PUMPKIN PATCH!” Takasugi got to his knees in sorrow as baby puppy Blue was playfully jumping on one of the pumpkins.
“Bow bow bow!” She barked.
Steve went up and picked her up.
“Now Blue, what did I say about being on someone else’s property without their permission?” Steve gently but firmly scolded the baby. She looked sad for a second but licked his face and then angry Takasugi’s. But the midget couldn’t stay mad at something that small and blue.
Takasugi then saw Katsura and Gintoki swinging some swords in some fun, not too far away from him and Steve.
“Oh are those your friends?” He smiled.
“Sorta. Well Katsura is kind of cool. Compared to that wavy perm head at least.” He rolled his eyes. Gintoki could be seen losing his sword from the fight, flipping off Katsura and leaving with his sword and picking his tiny nose.
“Oooh an abandoned litter of kittens! Gintoki almost accidentally hit them!” Katsura got out an onigiri rice ball and marveled at it before giving the kittens a chance eat it.
“We should say hi to Katsura!” Steve urged.
“Eh, I guess.” Takasugi shrugged and then saw the rice ball the kitties were eating. He looked longfully for food after a long day sweeping up for his daddy- he means Sensei.
“Oh I see it now.” Steve chuckled and turned around and looked at no one. “Should Shinsuke talk to his crush?”
“Yeah!” The audience cheered.
“Bow bow!” Blue added.
“It’s not like that!! I don’t do crushes on guys, let alone a slow brain like him.” Takasugi explained. “I was looking at the rice ball-“
“He kind of does have a soft girlish look.. And he does constantly look after me from HIM.” Shinsuke imagined dead eye nose picking Gintoki. “Maybe I could say hi...” He walked up nervously.
“Go Shinsuke!” Steve said as Blue and the audience joined in the cheers.
Takasugi walked nervously by Zura, an odd new feeling came over him. Something he didn’t realize until that kid brought it to his attention. Happy Steve watched from the side and gave a thumbs up.
“Eh? What’s up Takasugi? Ooh. Want a rice ball?” Katsura said with his usual straight face on.
“Uhhh. Sure.” He said and Katsura handed him one.
There was a silence for several seconds.
“So um. Don’t tell Gintoki or Sensei. Sensei told me to play around with happy feelings, Zura.. so..” Takasugi landed with a slight peck on his cheek.
“ZURA JANAI, KATSURA DA!” Kidsura slapped away Takasugi from this lewd act. But little known to Shinsuke, Zura’s little kid face grew as red the midget’s slapped cheek.
“Come on Blue. I think we’ve helped enough people today!” He and her disappeared as they ska-dooed.
“You were gonna tell me all of that..?” Katsura said with watery eyes. “I got sort of a crush on you the day after that. You were my first and only gay crush..”
”Katsura, you never told me that before. After a couple of weeks I kind of just shrugged it all off I guess.” Takasugi explained, looking at him.
”Me too.. But when we hid out on your ship during the popularity polls, I felt that rush again for the first time since nearly two decades ago.” Katsura looked on the ground. “But I wanna know is...”
”Sure.” Takasugi smiled and put his hand on her cheek.
“WHY YOU DIDN’T LET ME SEE BABY BLUE’S ADORABLE BABY BEAN PAW PADS?!” She yelled out.
Annoyed Takasugi closed the ear that was closed to the raging long haired man. A few minutes of watching the sun go down completely and they both fell asleep all over each other.
”Sickening.” Joe added staring from his binoculars. “Steve completely destroyed their characters as children before they even were able to start..”
“Damn, I didn’t know your brother has been in this universe for that long.” Wilford added, still clinging for life on the tiny branches that barely supported him.
“It’s always been an escape for him since our real parents died. He use to read the story of a bastard child of a mistress who recently lost his parents too, not that long and they were inseparable...”
”But I was but a mere baby unlike my dear brother... All I’ve known is the presence of seasoning shakers as parents.” Joe’s eyes couldn’t be seen, as he had his binoculars still fixed on the couple.
“This is definitely something I haven’t seen in my own universe.” Wilford felt a strange presence at that second, as if a character from his universe also leaked here. “Or maybe I have... Snake.” He smirked and chuckled lightly.
“Steve was meddling around too much in other people’s affairs. Oh Wilford.. these two... these two not meant to be lovers will be the first of the purge here. When the 1st comes, we will put an end to this little uptoia crossover world of theirs and bring attention to them that besides being in a fanfiction, they’re all not the real Gintama, Kappa Mikey or whoever else characters, but mere collections of dusty books on Steve’s shelf. Able to be crushed up and thrown out of existence in a flash, like all copy of novels eventually end up.”
Episode 3, Written by: Aya, Date: December 5th, 2017
"Why did Zura insist I be here? I bet Shinsuke is having a much better party." Gintoki was sitting on a heart shaped love chair. Sex and the City was playing in front of him, but he didn't pay any mind. Gintoki said his sentiments aloud, but he knew none of the ladies were listening. In the midst of his boredom, Gintoki heard a faint sound, maybe a ringtone,
"What is this joyous music?" Gintoki turned the love chair around and saw Shinji answering his phone, 'Another male? When did he get here?' Gintoki asked, never noticing the wheelchair kid before.
"Yes...I know Dad. I'm a little busy at the moment....look can you j-" Gintoki then ripped the phone out of his hands.
"Hasegawa-san...YOU'RE ALIVE?!" Gintoki yelled into the phone. The phone went silent for a little bit and then a deep sigh could be heard.
"Sakata-san, what happened that night...stays with the night." the phone line suddenly went dead. Gintoki looked at Shinji's phone confused and handed it back to him.
"Hey, aren't you Shinpachi-kun's mentor?" Shinji asked.
"I suppose so, those pair of glasses are alright, why, do you know him or something." Gintoki said, picking his nose.
"You're just like he described..." Shinji said.
"Yeah, cool, awesome, super sexy. I know, I get that a lot." Gintoki said. "Look kid, we're the only dudes here. Zura is MIA. I don't want to be stuck here unless it's with just my princess. The rest of those savages will eat us alive." Gintoki said, wheeling Shinji away from the others.
"I don't know Sakata-san, I'm having fun!" Shinji said smiling. Gintoki frowned.
"Poor kid, you've been brainwashed. Watch this one," Gintoki turned to the girls.
"Oi, me and Shinji are stepping out for a bit to get some fresh air." Gintoki said, wheeling Shinji out the door,
"Oh, wait for me Yorozuya, I could use some fresh air myself!" Gintoki's heart nearly stopped, but he kept cool,
"Oh, uh...yes, let's get going Shinji and Kiyoko-sama. The outside air will feel fantastic." Gintoki quickly pushed Shinji out the door, accidentally hitting Shinji in the face with it. The three were walking along the rented space, feeling the cool breeze of the night against their hair.
"Enjoying the party so far?" Kiyoko asked. Gintoki's heart was at a near light speed at this point, he was mumbling and searching for words, but didn't realize that she was talking to Shinji.
"It's been great, Zurako is such a nice lady." Shinji said with a blush. Shinji and Kiyoko were chatting it up while Gintoki stared off into the stars.
'One day my princess, we will chat under these same stars...' Gintoki's gaze drifted off to a hill off to the distance where he saw Zura and Shinsuke laying together, making out
"Yorozuya?!" Kiyoko bent down next to the defeated samurai. He looked up at Kiyoko, blood running from his mouth.
"Don't worry...princess...I'll make it." Gintoki coughed up some blood. Kiyoko stood up, and walked over Gintoki.
"Let's leave this idiot here Shinji, let's get back to some Sex and the City." Kiyoko wheeled Shinji inside and left Gintoki in a heap.
'Idiot...' Gintoki's world came crashing down. "So that's how it is..." he smirked and stood up. He notice Sakamoto vomiting in a trashcan off to the side. 'Zura and Shinsuke are getting married...maybe I'll find love close to my heart as well.' Gintoki walked over to Sakamoto, but Sakamoto stuck his hand in Gintoki's face.
"No way Kintoki, leave me alone! AHAHAHAHA! Sorry man!" Sakamoto rejected the already confused samurai. Gintoki wandered off. He somehow ended up in the Shinsuke bachelor party's front door. He leaned on it, still trying to collect himself.
"Maybe...maybe these guys can help me." Gintoki pushed the door open and saw something that chilled him to his bones,
"SKELEEEEEE!" Gintoki rushed over to his friend, but couldn't get the ropes untied.
"Don't worry Gintoki, I'm fine. It's quite fun actually!" Skele said, struggling. Gintoki looked over and saw Abuto whipping the skeleton. Gintoki's eyes went dark.
"Chief's idea." Abuto said with dead eyes as well. Gintoki turned to see an even more horrifying sight,
"Hey Gin-san! The party is actually going pretty swell! That jacuzzi gave me some sort of tan..." Gintoki's jaw literally hit the floor at the sight of his beloved Pachisan.
"SHINPACHIIIIIIIII!" Gintoki ran out of the room and hid back at the girl's party.
"What's Samurai Gintoki's problem?!" Kamui said, shackling No Man in a torture device.
"I don't know dog, guess he doesn't know fun." No Man said, wincing in pain. The night continued on, the girls watching their shows and eventually passing out, and the boys being boys. And by being boys, I mean violently torturing each other. Joe and Brimley left the shelter of their tree sometime at night and stayed at a nearly vacant motel just a mile away from the planned wedding spot.
"Wilford, the wedding is being held tomorrow, here in this park." Joe pointed at a map he had marked with various things. "This...this is where we will initiate our plan." Joe said.
"So, murdering that burglar was used to throw the police off our backs?" Brimley said.
"No one knows we are here Brimley, keep them guessing. But if the police catch whiff, or if they attend the wedding, that could be trouble. But, I've got a Plan B." Joe said with a smirk. Brimley nodded and gave a slight chuckle. "So, you were able to get a hold of that gun dealer, right? I miss my magnum.." Joe said, creating magnum after magnum with his hand, but it just wasn't the same.
"Hehe, of course my friend, and I got my secret weapon as well." Brimley handed Joe the magnum, and the grin on his face grew three sizes that night.
"Oh Brimley, what I couldn't do without you. Best friend a man could have." Joe created a diabetes safe treat from his hand and gave it to his friend, gotta mind the sugar levels. "Tomorrow, the day is ours. Carpe diem." Joe said, turning the lights out in their room.
The morning sun was rising, and the first two to receive the light was the bride and groom on top of the hill. Zura awoke first, and decided not to wake him up.
'Can't let him see me until the ceremony.' she thought, sneaking off back to the girl's rented room. Shinsuke stirred, but didn't wake up. Before Zurako could make it back, Yamazaki had slipped out of the room to contact the Shinsengumi again.
"Hijikata, you wanted to talk with me?" Yamazaki asked.
"Yamazaki...we have to scope out the wedding tomorrow. My good friend, Steve is attending as their photographer. I've gotta support my friend somehow, and I can't directly be at the wedding. Me, Sougo, Kondou, and Pops are going to be on the outer edges of the ceremony. You and Big Blue will be in the ceremony itself. I'm counting on you to make sure Steve doesn't get hurt, because this still could be a huge set up. I don't like the feeling of this." Hijikata said, signing off the radio. Yamazaki stared at his phone and turned it off, this had to be his biggest mission yet. But, as he was putting it away, he bumped into Zurako.
"Oh! Cousin, how are you this morning?" Zurako asked.
"I, uh...am doing well. I heard that someone named Steve is attending this afternoon?" he asked.
"Ah yes, Steve is going to be our wedding photographer. I hope he gets a lot of good shots of me, Shinny, and Lizzy." Zurako said, smiling while entering the room. Yamazaki breathed a sigh of relief, and went back inside himself.
"Guys, Gin-chan won't come out of the closet." Kagura said, pointing at the closet in the room.
"Gin-san, you have to come out eventually, it won't change how we feel about you!" Otae said. Silence.
-We can't do the wedding without you!- Elizabeth signed. Silence.
"Let me handle this one ladies, you better open the door or I'll...I'LL!...I don't know, you'd probably clobber me or something..." Shinji said in a wimpy voice. Gintoki could be heard laughing from inside in a hushed voice, but then quickly went silent.
"It's ok ladies, he'll come out eventually. Let's just focus on me looking good! I've gotta look my best for Shinny." Zurako said, sitting down at the make-up station. The girls happily obliged and ran over to help Zurako look her prettiest. Gintoki slowly crept his way out of the closet to join in on this.
"Glad you came out of the closet to help me look beautiful Gintoki." Zurako said with a smile.
"Anything for you friend, I realize that now." Gintoki said smiling back. Meanwhile, the boys were doing kind of the same. Shinsuke was sitting in one of those devices that trap your arms and head while Kamui was applying some make up.
"Do I really have to be in this thing? Can't you just sit me in a chair?" Shinsuke said, veins popping out of hands.
"Don't worry Shinsuke, Chief is really good with make-up. He does mine and No Dog's all the time." Abuto said, complementing his commander.
"You're right Old Man! No worries here Shinny! Kamui the stylist IS HERE!" he furious swiped foundation on his face. Sakamoto, Shinpachi, and Skele were sitting down looking from the other side of the room.
"I wonder when all the guests are going to start to arrive?" Shinpachi said, flexing his new found muscles.
"I heard Bansai-san was getting on that. He's seated a few already." Skele said.
"AHAHAHA! Mutsu is here as well! I'm going to go other there and say hello!" Sakamoto ran out the torture room.
"He does know he is a groomsman, right." Shinsuke said, while powder was being hit in his face.
"I'm getting very nervous about this...what if he doesn't think I'm beautiful." Zurako was adjusting her kimono and veil in the mirror.
"Don't worry about it girl, you are gorgeous!" Kiyoko said reassuringly. "Weddings are no big deal man, but I can understand." Kiyoko empathized.
"I'm sure Shinsuke-san will think you're the most beautiful thing he's ever laid his eyes on." Otae said, giving Zura a hug. Shinji also rolled over and gave Zurako a long hug,
"Don't give up, it's something I've always told myself. There is no reason to, and I really believe in you. You remind me so much of him, someone strong, caring, and beautiful." Shinji said, wiping tears away. Elizabeth waddled up next,
-I am your maid of honor for a reason Katsura. You are my best friend, and I will love you til the end of time. Stay strong.- Elizabeth gave Zura a hug and walked off. Kagura walked up next.
"Zurako! You are my leader, really! You are a true role model to me." Kagura gave Zura a Yato hug, nearly squeezing the life out of her. Gintoki was the last one to walk up to Zura to give her good wishes.
"Zura...I've known you longer than anyone here...you are my friend until the end. I would put my life on the line to save you, and I know you'd do the same. I'm still a little confused about all this to be honest, two people I've known all my life getting married gives me a strange feeling, but I support you both...because I love you both." Gintoki let a tear stream down his face as he hugged his friend. Zurako smiled and hugged him back,
"Zura...thank you Gintoki, your words touched me the most. I'm glad you can support me and Shinsuke. I think I'm ready everyone, I'm ready for the biggest day of my life." Meanwhile, the groom was also getting ready,
"YOU ARE GOING TO KISS THAT MAN WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT MIDGET MAN! YOUR BEST MAN WON'T LET YOU DOWN!" Kamui slapped Takasugi in the back with a mighty palm strike, nearly knocking him out of his tuxedo. He brushed his shoulders and gave a little chuckle, also adjusting his breast pocket. Abuto and No Man were next to encourage him,
"You've got this dog, man weddings always get to me." No Man said, already starting to cry.
"Good luck out there, I'll be watching from the sidelines my friend." Abuto said with a smile. Shinpachi walked up next,
"Shinsuke-san, I know we've had our differences in the past, but this is a big day for everyone. Be brave, and have the time of your life!" Shinpachi's large black hand was placed on Takasugi's shoulder. And last but not least Skele walked up,
"Shinsuke, I hope my gift gave you the encouragement to have a wonderful wedding. You've already given me enough, so I hope today you get a lot. You've earned it my friend, sharing this with you and the other Joui members warms my bones like no other." Shinsuke stood up and gave Skele and long hug.
"I'm glad you're home too Skele...we've all missed you." Skele gave Shinsuke a smile, and then patted his head.
"Go get'em tiger." Skele said, slugging Shinsuke playfully.
"Jimmy! Why are you dressed up like that?" Yamazaki closed Gonard's mouth to shut him up.
"I'm undercover right now, don't blow this for me." Yamazaki and Gonard were sitting in chairs set up in the park. Next to them was Ozu and Guano, eager to see Kiyoko come out as a bridesmaid. "The Shinsengumi practically have this place surrounded. Well, it's just Vice-Chief, Sougo, Kondou, and Pops. But, that should be enough if things do go down between these two." Jimmy said, removing his hand from Gonard's mouth. Gonard gave a thumbs up and went into incognito mode himself. Steve was taking pictures of guests, and was too busy to even notice that Hijikata had sneaked in with the rest of the Shinsengumi. Shinpachi was sitting alone in the front, waiting for Gintoki and Kagura to arrive.
"I wonder who the priest is for the wedding..." He looked past the set up where Shinsuke and Zura were going to stand and saw the priest, his oi nearly echoing through the whole park.
"Please don't oi that loud Son." Sensei said, looking at the vows.
The Kihentai were set up on Shinsuke's side, at least Matako and Feminst were as Bansai was in the back.
"I can't believe it...Zurako-sama...just doesn't sound right." Matako said, still in denial. Mikey leaned in from the other aisle,
"You can call me Mikey-sama if you'd li-" Mikey was swiftly hit with a shoe by both Lily and Matako. After Mikey's beatings, the DJ began to play the starting up music for the groomsmen and bridemaids. The first pair to walk out was Otae and Sakamoto, Sakamoto throwing up as he walked the aisle. Next up was Skele and Shinji, his wheelchair getting caught on the carpet several times, next was Abuto and Kiyoko, the big man lending his metallic arm for the lady. Ozu was visibly shooting daggers at Abuto, and he gulped. Next down the aisle was No Man and Gintoki, the two frolicking along the aisle, making asses out of themselves. Kagura and Bansai walked the aisle next, Bansai's arm visibly destroyed by her strength. Finally, the Best Man, Kamui, and the Maid of Honor, Elizabeth walked down the aisle. Elizabeth shot daggers at Sadaharu, whom she requested sit on Takasugi's side of the aisle. Kamui smiled down the aisle and took his place with Lizzy. The all sat down as the music changed. Sensei walked out and stood in the middle. He watched on as Takasgui walked down the aisle by himself. Sensei got the idea to walk him down the aisle, as Shinsuke had no real family. Shinsuke started to tear up as he saw Sensei helping him down the aisle. Finally, everyone stood for the bride. Sensei ran to the back and met up with Zurako,
"Are you ready, Zurako?" Sensei asked with a smile. Zurako simply nodded as Sensei walked her down the aisle. The ladies were tearing up, as were some of the men, especially Gintoki. Zurako made her way to Shinsuke, and he removed her veil.
"You're so gorgeous...I can't bring myself to think of words to describe you..." Shinsuke said, stunned by the beauty.
"You're looking as lovely as ever Shinny...so handsome and fine." Zurako said, lovingly. Sensei made his way in the middle of them to start the wedding ceremony. He went through the whole spiel in the beginning of love and being together forever. Then began the vows.
"Zurako, I vow to forever hold you in my arms, to forever be by your side in sickness and in health. You are my everything. You make me want to blow things up less." Shinsuke said with the utmost seriousness.
"Shinny, I vow to do the same, you are my flame and I will never extinguish you, you are the one who made me realize my true self, you are what makes me, me." Zurako said, staring lovingly into his eyes.
"If anyone has any objections what so ever, please speak now, if not, you may kiss the bride." Sensei said. There was no objection...at first. Shinsuke went in for the kiss but was stopped by a single voice,
"Yeah, uh, I've got a major objection to this."
"J-Joe?!" Steve dropped his camera. "Bu-but I killed you..." Steve was at a loss, and so was the entire wedding,
"What is the meaning of this?!" Shinsuke demanded. Hijikata was frozen, he couldn't believe he got in.
'We had guards! What happened to them?!' Hijikata wondered, the scene shifted to show the two guards with slits in their throats just outside the gate.
"Yeah, I've got a few words I want to say about ALL of this. Actually, actions speak louder than words." Joe lifted his metal hand up and shot a beam of light in the air. Suddenly a loud bang could be heard, and Shinsuke's chest began to bleed profusely. He fell to the ground with a thud,
"SHINSUKE!" Zurako bent down and reached for Shinsuke's hand. His other hand was clutching at his chest. "Sh...Shinsuke..." Zurako was sobbing. The guests were freaking out, and in the midst of the confusion, Joe pulled out his magnum and fired a single bullet at Steve, catching him off guard, and hitting him in the middle of the chest. Steve's eyes went pale as he fell to the ground, almost losing consciousness. Joe walked over to him and saw he had a smile on his face,
"Joe...you finally did it...haha...you bested your big brother....you will pay for what you did as you're...burning in Hell. Goodbye, Joe..." Steve's life began to fade as Joe was tackled by Kondou and Sougo. Hijikata dropped his crutches and ran as fast as he could to Steve, without the fear of aggravating his leg injury.
"STEVE! STEVE WAKE UP!" Hijikata was shaking Steve, but he wasn't responding. Hijikata began to cry as he pounded on the chest of his fallen friend. Joe was being apprehended but laughed at the sorrow of the Vice-Chief.
"This battle is mine Demon Vice Chief...and it won't be the only one I win AHAHA!" Joe began to laugh but was hit in the face by Sougo. In the far distance, the scene zoomed into someone laying on a rock face miles from the park,
"Thanks for the light there Joe, can't believe I've still got it at this age. Better high tail it out of here and start that back up plan to get Joe out of jail!" Brimley packed up the weapon and moved out. The scene switched back to the downed Shinsuke. Zurako and Elizabeth were backing people away from him so they could put there somewhat medical knowledge to the test.
-He's still breathing!- Elizabeth signed.
"Shinsuke...please speak to me...anything..." Zurako sobbed on his chest, but she felt his hand go through her hair. She looked down at Shinsuke, who opened his eye and gave a smile,
"Like...I've always said...you've saved my life...once again." He showed Zurako his hand he was clutching his chest with,
"Thank you...Zurako..." Shinsuke' arm went limp and the gift Skele gave him rolled to the dirt. Elizabeth confirmed he wasn't dead, but he needed medical aid, and fast. The guests scrambled to get help for both of the men shot, while Zurako sat there holding Shinsuke in her arms.
Episode 4, Written by: Cha, Date: December 7th, 2017
“Goodnight Skele!” Zurako said waving goodbye to the companion the two hadn’t seen in nearly two decades.
“I can’t believe he’s finally back into our lives.. After all these years.” Shinsuke was starting to form tears.
“I’m glad you’re showing more of your emotional too lately, Shinsuke.” Zurako smiled and he couldn’t believe it either.
“Well, I’m gonna go bed now, night Zura.” He sat up from his dining chair in the Kiheitai dining rooom.
“Wait, do you want to take a bath? Or maybe chill as comrads on a moonlit beach alone?” Zurako asked.
“While that all sounds lovely, friend. I don’t know if I can...” Takasugi sighed out.
“Why not?” She asked.
“No it’s just.. Katsura. People have been talking. And well.. I was thinking too.. I do enjoy having fun activites with you but maybe we get a little too intimate for just friends?” He wondered.
“You’re right. No more of that stuff. If it’s keeping people talking. For now on we are strictly comrads once again!” Zurako proclaimed.
“Glad.” He smiled.
“Good.” She added.
“Dandy.” He said.
Takasugi woke with the bomb shaped alarm blaring. He pounded it, causing it to explode in a big mess.
“Oh shit, that might have been the real bomb deal.” He examined the remains of his clock.
“Well, time to wake up Zura.”
He slugged out of bed and turned to Katsura’s bed, which was still folded up nicely as if it hadn’t been used that night. “That’s odd..” He scratched his head and glanced down for a second... “MY TWIN TOWERS.”
He reached for a blanket in his bed to cover himself up but felt a squishy back. “W-what.. ZURAAAAAAAAA?!” He exhaled. Zura...” He looked over to his sleeping companion again. “Did we really..”
“Why do I have a headache? I could have sworn I told Lizzy not to mix my milkshakes and sodas together, the sugar overwhelms my senses.” Zurako turned around to see Takasugi head a few inches away. “Hey comrad, you have a bad nightmare and decided to bunk with me?”
“Katsura. Do you even know what the hell is going on?” He said seriously.
“Of course I do, I always do.” Straight faced Zurako looked down at herself and then at Takasugi.
“Katsura.. I’m sorry. I gave you that whole speech about us getting too friendly when here we are in my bed.” He shook his head in embarrassment.
“Takasugi. I remembered that kiss you gave me as a kid, so it wouldn’t be the first time you got too friendly.” Zurako said with her back turned to him. He was shocked that she even recalled that event so long ago.
“Well... Now what do we do?” Takasugi asked, sitting up in bed.
“Start a relationship?” Zurako whispered turning around to him with a slight smile.
“Y-yeah.” Takasugi’s face turned as red as that day as a kid. “I mean, I don’t think after doing something like this it can still be considered friendly.” He slight chuckled and soon after Katsura joined in.
“I think.. I really really like you Shinsuke. And not in a really really like Santa Claus the first movie kind of way. I know we weren’t that much of friends as children but we’re so much closer than friends now, I believe.” She said putting a hand on his face.
Shinsuke chuckled “I really really like you too, Zura and not in a liking to bomb a city kind of way.”
“Yeah?” He asked smiling.
“Your bomb stem is all the way up, buddy.”
Zurako looked suprised after a long day of dodging Shinsengumi with her new arm candy, for he had just popped the question.
“M-marriage..? Already but-“
“KAATTRSSSURRRAAAA! TAKASUUGGIIIII!” Sougo yelled as a bazooka missle went off behind them. They rushed under a bridge to escape the chaos.
“Zura. Well it appears I have to make this rather short considering the circumstances we’re currently in. The entire time we started hanging out together again I have felt happier more than ever before in my life. Since we were still with Sensei. Who knows how much time we’ll have left as alive convicts. I rather spend the rest of it as married convicts at least. I love you with my whole heart.” He held her hands and smiled.
Another boom, Hijikata could be heard giving out orders to his men to find them. Gorilla getting trampled on by his own men.
“But Sensei’s alive again, Shinny Boo.” She added.
“Zura janai, Zurako da. Well.. I have been living at your ship for a month.. and it’s still easy to visit earth for work.. And you do make me also happier than ever before, I do love you very much. But maybe I should flip a coin...”
“Zura janai, Zurako da. I was gonna propose to you too tonight, Shinny.” She pulled out a candy ring. Shinsuke happily put it on as Zurako put on her expensive new ring too. “Of course I’d say YES!” She jumped into his arms, the midget nearly falling over.
“Guess we’ll finally get to blow up stuff together.” He smiled.
“Modestly blow up stuff.” Zurako said sternly.
“Fine. Only for my little soba noodle.” He said and Zurako smiled big.
“KATSURA! TAKASUGI!” Sougo slid under the bridge.
“Oi, there they are!” The other men said.
“GO GO GO! HO! HO! HO!” Zurako said in a noble laugh as she rid on her finacee’s shoulders and they joined up with their other radical members/Elizabeth to escape the hands of death.
Zorako was flashing back to these happy precious memories as she stared at the window of the emergency room her finacee and the so very happy man who helped them get together, Steve.
“Shinsuke...” Bonsai choked out, Matako gave away to tears as Takechi shed a few himself.
“SNAP OUT OF IT SHINSUKE AND LET’S HAVE SOME FUN!” Kamui kept slapping the man hard and hovering over hospital bed. “WE DIDN’T EVEN GET TO YOUR BEST MAN’S SINGING PERFORMANCE, HA!”
“HEY stop! The dude’s already badly hurt, Kamui!” Saitama yelled out. He left the room to not witness it anymore.
Abuto and No Man were leaning by the hospital room door. No Man could be seen with tears down his cheeks but played it cool with wearing his sunglasses.
”Sorry about that, that’s kind of how our Chief copes with stuff.” Abuto added.
”That would imply he has some kind of human empathy after all.” Saitama softly chuckled as did the other two.
Friends of Steve and Takasugi were sitting in the waiting room, only a few could go in at a time. Kamui came out, clinching his fists.
”Get me a large... double... slurpee, Old Man.. No Dick.. Ha.” Chief smiled. Abuto and No Man gave each other confused looks.
“Oi, so how bad is this looking.” Gintoki was talking to the Shinsengumi right outside the window to the patient’s room.
“Depends, after the whole Joe blow out and this whole marrige charade we’re gonna have to look for weeks into this case. Who knows what criminal charges they might all face even if Shinsuke makes it out alive. Hijikata explained, he tried his hardest to keep it in for Steve’s sake. He so wanted to break down though.
”Oi! It wasn’t a charade! Zura was really in love!” Kagura angrily defended as Zurako continued to stare into where Takasugi laid.
”Leader-san!” Katsura’s terrorist squad bowed down at her feet. “Kats- I mean Zurako-san won’t talk to us anymore.”
“So we figured out it had something to do with Shinsuke-san!” Another said.
”Oi, it took you dunderheads that long to figure that out? And you call yourselves professionals at this kind of stuff.” Gintoki walked up to the scene. The joui members left, tails between their legs and missing their long haired leader.
”Yorozuya..” Ozu said as him and Umibozu walked onto the scene. “We’re so sorry about your friends.”
“As if Takasugi is my friend or I know that preschool host personally.” Gintoki and the dads walked and looked into the window of the patients.
“Care for some company?” Umibozu asked Zurako but she remained silent.
”But dad, Zurako-chan’s husband...” Shinji was being wheeled away by a familiar man close by the trio and Zura.
”Wheel is on at 7 and Kraft Dinner is on at 8, and don’t think I’ll miss any one of them, young Child.” The man said.
“H-H-HASEGAWAAAAAAAA” The trio yelled and grabbed hold of him, giving him a big dad hug.
”Fucking jeez man..” Gendo sighed out, leaving Shinji room to wheel away to Zurako. “Just leave me alone! I tried my best to escape this fanfiction this time. I got tickets to board Chile and this is what I get?!”
“What you get is a role in the Dad Touch Quad.” Umibozu added pulling out a certified t-shirt with that name while still hugging him.
“Oh jesus...” Gendo sighed out.
”Z-Zurako..?” Shinji said to the beautiful geisha like appearing person. She wouldn’t answer but turned to the kid with a single tear running on her cheek. This action made Shinji go in for the hug around her waist and he cried intensely. Abuto knew this sound from anywhere and departed from his group in the other corner of the room.
”Hey.. hey.. It’s okay baby bunny..” Ossan tried to comfort him. He went in to hug Abuto next.
A while uniform man walked up to the room, standing next to the Shinsengumi members with his own crew.
”Sigh. Well it’s really no surprise the Shinsengumi weren’t able to keep this under control. First the Billy accident, then the Joe accident, then whatever that worm was and now back to ol’ Joe.”
”Mimawarigumi!” Some Shinsengumi members said, Kondo and Hijikata were surprised too, but not in a good way.
Isaburo tossed Gintoki a brand new phone. “Please don’t lose this again, email buddy.”
”’Zuya, you know this joker?” Ozu leaned into him.
”Yeah, unfortunately he seems to have a tab on me whenever I hang out with these rip-offs.” The perm man referenced towards the Shinsengumi and tossed the phone to confused Baldy and Gendo.
”H-hey! THEIR costumes were based off on ours!” Kondo defended.
“Were you guys-“ Hijikata started.
”Spying? Of course. But we only attended this wedding to capture the killer Joe, from his recent signature paw attacks on TV. With an event of all the people he despises, including his big brother it was bound to happen with sibling issues.” Isaburo explained looking rather bored.
“You’re the one to talk..” Sasaki Isaburo thought to himself as he stood behind his superior officers with the rest.
”Well beat it anyway, we have it all under control. Joe is locked up for good. Sougo just drove him to a state penitentiary.” Hijikata took a puff.
“What a coincidence, I have it all under control too.”
“Huh?” Sougo asked while he was driving the prison truck he saw a flash of blue hair and red eyes.
“Anyway, after that whole Sky News 9 Amanto launched onto the Shogun, I’m surprised you country bumpkins are even allowed to show your faces anymore.” Isaburo added.
“We have been taking care of these issues all along, when where have you damn elites even been?” Hijikata clinched his teeth.
“Waiting for our official debut in this fanfiction.” Isaburo smirked. “Even if you guys were given the right to this mission, I’m surprised you let those terrorists go scott free.”
The screen zoomed into Zura, still silently watching Shinsuke from the glass window, her back turned against the action of the police men.
“Believe me they’ll have hell to pay when this is all over. But this isn’t even your turf to worry anyways. Now leave before you waste anymore lines on this chapter.” Hijikata said looking unthreatened. Isaburo shrugged and started walking away with the rest of his members.
“No Demon Vice-Chief. I’m not worried about what they did possibly in the past. Or if they even did set up this whole thing as a Kiheitai and Jouishishi alliance trick.” Isaburo said but suddenly Zurako pushed him against the wall hard, to the rest’s surprise.
“Zurako-chan!” Kagura called out.
Isaburo didn’t care that much though.
“THIS WASN’T A TRICK! WE WERE REALLY GETTING MARRIED.” She shouted, grabbing his elite shirt in her hands. “I WOULDN’T BE KNEE DEEP IN PAIN IF WE WEREN’T!”
”Katsura-san, how are we suppose to trust someone who’s been running away from the law more times than he could count?” Kondo said.
Zurako made frustrated noises and clinched her hands in her hair and forehead. “You don’t understand how in love I am with him... no one does.”
“Well, even so. I guess we’ll have to be updated on this later.” Isaburo walked away with his men close behind but stopped for a brief second. “Chief Kondo. Demon Vice Chief. Just remember they are a target for Joe. Especially that lovely lady over right next to you. You think he won’t come back for her? Think again. You need to remember who’s life is more important and if it’s really needed to sacrifice everyone’s life for the sake of two lives.” He walked out of the hospital.
“T-Toshi...” A weak voice said from the hospital bed next to Shinsuke’s.
“STEVE!” Hijikata whipped over to his bedside.
“Zurako’s telling the truth... after all... I did help get these crazy two terrorist kids together long ago...” Steve smiled.
“S-S-Steve....” He started to bawl out. “I can’t let another childhood friend of mine go.. I can’t...”
“You don’t have to. Wait for me Toshi. Wait for me.... in another world..”
“W-what do you mean...?” Hijikata looked with wise open, watery eyes.
Steve then handed him his handy dandy notepad with a clue picturr of his thinking chair. “It’ll be more fun this way to figure it out yourself..” He grinned, Hijikata marveled at it. “Just promise me one thing Toshi.. if you figure out my clues and get there. It might break Shinsuke and Zurako’s hearts, so don’t them about-
“About us being in a Gintama magazine?” Shinsuke managed to utter out in his oxygen mask.
“Shinsuke-san!” Shinpachi said.
“Shinsuke...” Zurako looked with wide eyed at the window and rushed to his side. A few other main Gintama characters joined around.
“I saw your stupid little brother have something like that in his pants pocket, Steve.” Takasugi continued.
“Steve, I don’t care if we’re just a copy of the characters from your magazine and not the original characters.” Shinsuke winced in pain a little and Zurako held his hand.
“N-not the original characters...?” Hijikata pondered out loud. The others sat in silence themselves, unsure what to make of this new found evidence.
”I f-feel real...” Kiyoko hugged onto Ozu and her kids.
”No wonder, there’s no way I’d make it with the real Chief and Ossan. These guys here, they’re even crazier though.” No Man smiled with watery eyes to his first and second in command. They joined him in a side hug.
“I don’t even care if the rest of the copies of Gintama magazines didn’t have us winded up as a couple. She’s the only Zurako I need in this here comic book. The only Zurako, Zura or Katsura Kotarou I would blow up any world for.” Shinsuke coughed in his oxygen mask.
“S-S-Shinny....” She begun to spout out even more tears and whimper as Shinsuke wiped them with a shaking feeble hand. She held onto his candy ring hand with her diamond ring hand.
“Wow..You figured out the most important clue, Shinsuke. That’s what I always liked about you, you were good at finding clues and baby Blue.” Steve smiled and then turned back to the sobbing Vice Chief.
“S-S-Steve....” Vice Chief started to bawl out. “I can’t let another childhood friend of mine go.. I can’t... I’ve lost too much already..”
“You don’t have to. Wait for me Toshi. Wait for me.... in another world..” Steve handed him his handy dandy notepad with a clue of his thinking chair. “It’ll be more fun this way to figure it out yourself..” He grinned one last time before flatlining. Shinsuke couldn’t hold much either and passed out again.
“STEEEEVEEEEE!” Hijikata screamed out as the others were filled with tears.
“N-no....” Zurako looked in absolute fear and ran out the door.
”Zurako!” Sobby Guano called out.
“Eh, where are you going?!” Abuto asked.
“Oi Zura!” Gintoki reached his hand out but she already slammed open the exit doors and left.
“Katsura....” Skele shook his head.
“Skele Bonestein? Can I talk to you for a moment alone?” The doctor asked, walking into the room.
“Oh sure.. yeah.” Skele went in the other room with him.
“That’s odd...” Sougo continued to stare st the raining, dark road ahead of him. He reached out for the last Krispy Kreme but it vanished.
Nobume was in the passenger seat chewing it up like a ravaged animal.
“Oi, this isn’t no hitchhiking trip.” Sougo tried pushing he out the door and out of the car but she held up a sword to his neck.
“That’s funny, I thought you were my Uber driver. Can you take me back home?” She asked referring to the Mimawarigumi headquarters.
”Sorry, but my other client already set in another destination!”
In a second Sougo tied up the stirring wheel so it wouldn’t move much. He kicked Nobume in the stomach, causing her to drop the sword. She managed to grab it before it flew out the window and aimed to stab it at Sougo, but he moved out of the way and it pierced the stirring wheel’s horn. It made the car permantely beep loudly.
“Great, as if I wasn’t already annoyed enough.” Sougo said.
Nobume went for another blow but Sougo pulled out his sword from under the driver’s seat. The two clashed their swords together, they stayed in that position for several seconds.
“Look at us, disobeying our own rules by not watching the road.” Sougo jerked the wheel with his elbow and it swerved to the side of the freeway, getting pretty hard bumped by two incoming fast cars in the process. The inside of front two seats shattered but Nobume managed to escape at the last second.
“It was getting pretty stuffy in there anyways, especially with a new rotting corpse in there.” She repostioned herself on the top of the truck, licking donut icing off her mouth. Seconds later and a katana blade had pierced through the roof of the truck. Almost stabbing Nobume’s foot. It opened more and the First Officer jumped out, covered in blood and glass.
“Get a napkin for that, you disgusting womanchild!” Sougo yelled.
The two kept meeting each other’s slices and hits. Sougo didn’t know how long the truck could keep on auto pilot before it would crash the both of them into the oncoming rush hour traffic.
“Oi. Don’t you have anything better to hassle the Uber driver and cause a nationwide car accident for every person on this freeway right now?” Sougo went with another jab but she blocked it perfectly.
”Sorry but my mission is clear. Bring the Joe back.” She said.
”You won’t in one piece!” Sougo opened the back of the truck but it was empty. “What the...”
”No, Joe isn’t here. First Officer. I lied. That would be the job of Isaburo-san.” She explained. “My job was to finish you off so you wouldn’t find out and tell the rest of the Shinsengumi.”
”Well it seems like that’s gonna be harder to do then get that other guy.” He laughed a little as they kept fighting.
Meanwhile Joe was locked up in a Mimawarigumi truck, under maximum surveillance.
“Oh boy. First I take on some yato, now I get to take on the government’s authority pawns?” He smiled.
“Watch it buddy, without that cyborg arm of yours you can’t do squat.” One of the sercuity members said.
“Oh boy! You really didn’t watch our show while it was still on the air, did you? Do you know what clue I’m thinking of Mr. Guard Man sir?” Joe asked.
”Look buddy, don’t start up this shit with me now.” The man replied.
“It’s too bad that DAMN audience won’t come along for the fun of the mystery!” Tied up Joe managed to throw the man down with his legs alone. “Hmm. Let’s see if you can help me Mr. Sercuity Guy! Where’s the pawprint?”
“What the fuck are you talking about..” He asked.
”Wrong answer! Blue ska-dooed we can too!” Joe launched the man out of the speeding truck, he fell, bopping to the pavement several times before another car ran over his bloody body.
“Who’s next?” Joe smiled. “I need someone to help with my first clue! Gosh diggety darnit!! Oops sorry for the language, hehe!”
”C-CALL FOR BACKUP! THIS GUY-“
“So you’re not helping me after all” Joe pouted and ska’dooed the rest of the guys out of there.
“Wilfooooooord!” Joe called out. “Aw man, my buddy must have forgotten I was done with my nap by now!”
Several seconds later Wilford ska-dooed into the truck.
“Sorry, had to prick my finger for an hourly diabeetus test.” He said.
“Haha you and your glucose levels. Say buddy, thanks. I was really tired out there from the wedding assassination! Do you know where my arm is? I’m starting to look like that Abuto guy without it!” Joe said.
”They must have kept it in a safe place, Joe.” Wilford told him as he untied the rest of his body. They skadooed out of there and took out the rest of the Mimawarigumi police cars out in one swipe by ska’dooing them outside. Joe pushed the bodies out of one of the cars and him and Wilford got inside.
”Aw man.. I’m stuck..” Wilford said.
“Oh boy! We’re finally gonna set out some clues, Willy ol’ pal.” Joe chuckled covered in the blood of the officers. He rested his one arm onto the man.
“About your cyborg arm?” He asked as Joe adjusted the mirror.
”Well yes, but we still have this purge to think of. While we could just burn this Gintama magazine and Kappa Mikey DVD and the other ones, it wouldn’t be as slow and painful to watch...Ol’ Willy pal!” Joe politely turned his blinker on as he got off the exit.
”Got any ideas? Wilford was absolutely stuck at this point, he wasn’t even sure skadooing would get him loose.
”Honestly I’m just winging it for the most part. But I do know something Wil-pal. The main character of this story may have been taken out, but there’s still that blushing bride of his as other main character. Shame. It would be EASY to kill her off but those damn writers have to plot armor everything. But I’ll try!”
”Another assassination plan in the works? Now Joe, with all this killing, how are we gonna avenge Her-“ Wilford couldn’t believe he mentioned Blue, he feared the worse from his companion.
But Joe just smiled and chuckled. “Wait... Steve presence in this world... my 4th wall senses can feel him finally not in our presence anymore... but possibly a different world... NO NO NO.!!!!!
Suddenly he remembered it was raining outside. He remembered how much his big brother loved singing about stormy weather like this and chuckled, imagining it as police sirens behind him went off. He went off to take care of more of these pesky police men. Wilford was still stuck and sighed, he could only turn on the radio and listen.
Zurako bowed down at the grave in front of her, a tray of plum onigiri rice balls on it. The sky was a bright orange, birds chriping around her.
“Hello Grandma.. It’s been a while hasn’t it?” She felt the sensation of tears streaming down her cheek. “I-I needed your help... with two friends of mine... you might have liked the latter especially.. One helped out me meeting the man of my dreams and was a great detective... The other one is your grandson-in-law...is...was.. my hu-“
Zurako shakingly held up a wedding photo and started to absolutely ball out.
“Oi haven’t you visited your Granny’s grave enough, you air head?”
“Plus we don’t need any m-more rice balls. After l-l-last week’s accident between us.”
“Y-Y won’t mention that event to Gin or Sensei right Katsura-kun? or I-I’ll bop you.”
She snapped out of her hallucinate state and turned around to see him but..
“Don’t worry, he never did tell me about that kiss. No matter how flustered your faces probably were back then.” The friendly long haired man chuckled. “Want a Not What He Seems cookie, Katsura-kun?”
“Oi, oi Zura so this is where you ran off to. Look at you and your drag queen makeup all running. Man and here I am running myself tohelp my two grimey joui pals who want to bang each other.. Yachatta naa.. what has my life come to.”
No Man pulled out a fresh clean tissue.
“You know I can’t stand to see a lady cry, especially on her wedding day.”
Gintoki added and handed her the kleenex.
“Zurako-chan!” Kagura hugged her tightly as Elizabeth joined in the embrace too. The bird gave Zura a peck kiss on the top of her head.
“Katsura-san... You don’t have feel all alone. We are all here to carry burden and pain.” Shinpachi said and the others nodded.
“Yeah, you think I’ll just walk out of here without my nurse in case I get pregnant.” Kiyoko chuckled.
“W-wait really..” Ozu whispered but she shook her head no and shushed him.
“What would I do without Shinsuke’s new crossdressing husband? I have an ENCYCLOPEDIA of jokes planned out for you two bomb crazy lovebirds.” Kamui smiled, folded his arms and nodded. He then leaned near her. “Plus, you really gonna let that fat blonde rat steal your man, Zura?”
“I’M RIGHT HERE YOU FUCKIN’ REDHEADED TWERP! ....Ahem. Zurako-sa...” Matako sighed out. “Zurako-sama.. I know I don’t exactly like you. I down right HATE you for the way Shinsuke-Sama looks at you every day but.. I don’t want to see him upset either.”
”You all mean it? Even those cold hearted vultures who ripped off my straight faced character personality?” Zurako pointed to Kyuubei and Tsukyo.
“Yes..” They rolled their eyes but smiled.
”See Zurako-chan? We’re all here for you.” Otae smiled.
Hijikata sighed out with his cigarette in his mouth. “I never thought I be saying this either.. Katsura-san, your husband Takasugi is doing all fine. He’s recovering from his surgery right now.”
“He’s alright?!” She shot up.” But surgery...? Wait. Where’s...?” Zurako looked all around for her 5th Joui buddy but didn’t see him.
They all stared at her sobberly. Kagura and Elizabeth continued to hug her and upset Sensei put his hand on her shoulder. Then Sakamoto got down on one knee and put a hand on her other shoulder gently.
“Mr. Takasugi’s spine was injured badly.” He started to tear up himself. “So Skele offered his own spine in exchange for your new marriage to go on.”
”Here, Katsura.” Sensei handed her the letter he made. Gintoki gave away to tears himself.
I know my stay here was short and unexpected. For years I had dream of seeing my Joui buddies once again. What I got in return was that plus anything more I could want extra. Every one of you, every one was special and unique in my heart and I really mean it. For the first time in several years you all made this bag of bones feel like he’s alive again.
Thank you especially Gintoki for teaching me the soul of a samuari can be within you no matter what life throws at you. You can still protect the ones you love despite the whole world turning on you. I always appreciated and looked up to your loyalty.
Thank you Sakamoto for teaching me how to laugh, even in the most bleakest of all times. You stayed on the path of goodness and optimism and look what it brought you, blooming flowers of all beautiful shapes, colors and sizes. Just like you. Keep smiling my friend.
Sensei, thank you for everything, I mean everything. You raised me up from a single rib bone to the man I became today. You installed in me the reason to even want to live, you cured my loneliness and gave me self worth more than I could ever have imagined if ever done by myself. I am so happy I got to see your face a few times more.
Katsura and Takasugi. I’ll write you both because well, you’re one with each other now! I love you two, I know you went down a different path than our other buddies but I see you now, laughing, having fun, smiling and maybe sharing a kiss or two. Don’t worry, I want you guys to have the most beautiful life together as possible. You two deserve it.
Everyone out there, I hope your friendships here continue to grow as beautiful as I had last seen them. Full of laughter, nicknames, close friends and new friends. You’re all the strongest bunch I’ve ever seen. Maybe some how, some day I’ll get to see each and every one of those smiling faces of yours again.
“N-NO....” Zurako put her sobbing face to her palms and grind her teeth. “NOOOOO!!”
Sakamoto held her tightly as the others joined in for the embrace.
Episode 5, Written by: Aya, Date: December 9th, 2017
"It's been one month Brimley. February is looking to be brutal, just look at the blizzard outside. The Bakufu still have my arm...surely studying it. There is no way they can crack the secret of that notepad...only Steve and I knew that secret. I wouldn't tell a soul, not even you." Joe turned from the window to Brimley who was stirring up a bowl of steaming hot oatmeal.
"It's been really laid back these past few days. I've gotta calm my nerves sometimes, I'm not getting any younger." Brimley said, putting a spoonful in his mouth.
"We can't even stay here long, people will figure out the family...well doesn't live here anymore." Joe said, turning back to the winter landscape. "Running for months, and we've had no chance to run into any of the TBC characters. We've let Takasugi heal for far too long...lucky bastard always escaping death. Don't you find it strange Brimley? Takasugi and the Bakufu have put their differences aside to target just two people. That's really interesting, how we could make an enemy of the state, a best friend of the state. Thinking of all the chaos we've stirred, isn't it about time something major happened within Edo?" Joe tugged at his armless sleeve. "Two people could collapse the whole government."
"You really think such a chain of events are capable for us to do? We're not super villains or something. We're just two normal guys." Brimley said, taking in another spoonful.
"It's a risk we have to take my friend. They can't use my arm against me, that'll be disastrous...Brimley, do you think She is really here?" Joe stood up and touched the ice cold window with his left hand.
"Of course Joe, it's why you're here right?" Brimley said, reassuring his friend.
"I don't think so Brimley...not anymore. Now that my brother is gone...I don't sense Her anymore. Do you think She was waiting for him Brimley?" Joe turned back to his friend with a very serious look.
"Joe, I don't know how our Lord works, but I know if you believe deep in your heart, you will see Her again." Wilford said, sitting the empty bowl on the ground.
"You're right Brimley, I've gotta start worrying about myself. These long winter nights have made me ponder this, what if Steve had killed me that day? It's something I don't want to think about, let me tell you that. If there is one thing I fear Brimley, it's death. Death would be the only thing stopping me from achieving what I came here to do. I'm only human. Eliminating Steve is something I've dreamed about, nightly I would picture the scene, but never did I think I would be able to do it, you know? It's not like he was even my first kill...he was different." Joe's gaze drifted back to the window. "Steve's influence has touched many people here Brimley, it's only right that I snuff out those he's graced."
"I can understand your sentiments of being human. When I was diagnosed with diabeetus, it made me rethink everything. I for one differ from you in the sense that I do not fear Death, I'm old, and I know it's inevitable. But now, I've felt more alive than ever. I feel like I could take Death head on and win." Brimley said, testing his blood sugar.
"It's hypocritical of me to talk about Death like this...but some people cope with their fears in different ways." Joe's mouth curled up slightly in that grin. Brimley turned his head, that grin always made him uneasy.
"Joe...what is our next plan? You said after you escaped the police we would focus Katsura Kotarou." Brimley recalled.
"Yes, she is our next major target...unless people get in our way. All this talk about death has me beat, we did manage to bury the family underneath all this snow right?" Joe asked. Brimley was stuck with the dirty job, since Joe was armless.
"Yeah...just barely. Let's just hope the snow doesn't let up so the bodies could be discovered." Brimley said with a chuckle. Joe scoffed as well and laid down in the bed.
"Tomorrow, we leave. It's time we find them again." Joe said.
"Shinsuke?" Shinsuke turned his head to face who was calling out to him,
"Oh, it's just you Bansai. Come to do your daily check up I assume? Wouldn't happen to know where my husband is do you?" Takasugi asked as Bansai sat his guitar down next to Shinsuke's desk.
"Yes, it's that time again, and no, Katsura-san hasn't been on the ship for a few weeks. What are you writing?" Bansai noticed Shinsuke was typing on his laptop.
"Nothing that concerns you right now." Shinsuke said quite bluntly.
"Well, alright, that's understandable. Today you've got a guest, he really requested to be here as your first personal visit." Bansai said, a bit nervous.
"If it isn't Katsura, I don't want to hear it." Shinsuke said.
"It's not, but they really insisted." Bansai opened up the hospital door,
"Shinsuke, why haven't you returned any of my emails? I've been trying to get a hold of you since you were able to take guests. I had to pull some strings to get here, but I must talk with you." Isaburo locked the door behind him. "You, guitar samurai, if word gets out about this conversation, you will be the first to die." Isaburo said very seriously. Bansai gulped in a cartoonish fashion. "We have elite intel on Joe." Shinsuke's usual menacing gaze turned into a more serious, listening one. His ears perked up, the man that temporarily paralyzed him, killed Steve.
"Speak, I'm all ears." Shinsuke said, wheeling out to face Isaburo.
"Joe and his unnamed comrade have entered Edo since the past few days. We have surveillance footage from last Saturday of them shopping at Walmart for diabetic testing supplies. We have reasonable suspicion that he will strike again. I wanted to alert you first so you could warn your friends and protect yourself. You're still very vulnerable, and us police can't be seen protecting a known terrorist like yourself. You're lucky enough to have gotten a fake name registered in this hospital-
Isaburo's phone began to ring,
"Excuse me, this could be important. Hello? Yes...I did buy them. Yes, they are in the fridge, yes the fridge. Well, I didn't want them to get stale. Look I- yes, ok. Really?" Isaburo continued to talk as he walked out of the room to continue his phone call.
"Joe...this close to me and I don't even know where Katsura is...Bansai. Find Katsura, he needs to be safe." Takasugi wheeled over to Bansai.
"Yes, Shinsuke. I'll try my best to find him." Bansai said, giving Shinsuke a salute and walking off.
"Does my hair look good? What about my makeup? Do you think my eyelashes are too big?" Zura kept insisting, standing in front of Ozu's mirror.
"For the last time, GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! It's 5 AM AND I HAVE WORK IN AN HOUR!" Ozu yelled, waking the whole penthouse up.
"Why are you yelling, can you please not yell." Kiyoko said, rubbing her eyes. She noticed Zurako standing there doing her makeup. "Oh, hey Zurako, how are you this morning?"
"Everything is fine and dandy Kiyoko-dono." Zura said, applying lipstick.
"Yes P-Kiyoko, everything is fine." Gintoki opened up the shower curtains wearing nothing,
"YOROZUYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Ozu's flames shot through the bedroom and bathroom.
"Ahh, thanks Ozu, the warmth from your anger has heated up my bald heady...I mean thinning hair." Umibozu said, always leaving the shower, but fully clothed.
"What the heck were you two doing in there?" Ozu wondered, his flames dying down after Zura wrapped a towel around Gintoki.
"So what's for breakfast, I'm starving." Gintoki said, brushing his hair.
"You guys can't just show up and use all of our stuff." Ozu said with a stern voice.
"Hey man, your wife said we could crash here." Umibozu said, brushing his teeth. Ozu looked at Kiyoko who shrugged.
"How was I supposed to say no, Zurako is going through a lot right now, and they were with her." Kiyoko said, laying back in bed. Ozu sighed and pinched his brow,
"You can make whatever breakfast you please. Why are there so many people in my house all of the sudden?!" Ozu slammed his door and went back to sleep. Gintoki (still naked) and Umibozu walked into the kitchen where Genos and Yes Man were both making breakfast.
"Sensei usually likes his eggs over-easy." Genos said, cracking eggs open in the skillet.
"Ozu likes his scrambled!" Yes Man said, pouring some milk in his egg mixture. Gintoki grabbed and egg and got a bowl of rice. He cracked it on top and started eating. Umibozu started to rummage through the fridge himself. Gintoki sat down next to Guano, who was writing notes for the next Lily Mu episode.
"Are you only wearing a towel?" Guano looked over at Gintoki's stunning abs. Guano scooted over to the far end of the couch. Zurako came into the living and sat in between them,
"Guano-san, you look most like Shinsuke. How do I look?" Zurako got right in his face,
"You, uh, you look very pretty." Guano said, trying to focus on his work.
"Knew I was looking sexy." Zurako said, smirking. Suddenly the front door burst open and a loud laughter could be heard coming from the hallway,
"AHAHAHAHA! Lieutenant, you make me laugh with you silly American ways!" Sakamoto said, patting him on the back. Mutsu was flanking both of them.
"GET. OUT. OF. MY. HOUSE!" Ozu could be heard yelling.
"Jeez, what a drag." Mutsu said, signaling everyone inside to head out. Everyone (except Guano, he had work to do) left.
"You know Yes Man, my Sensei has been on the moon before, he's pretty cool." Genos said, admiring Saitama.
"Ozu could probably buy the moon!" Yes Man said, one upping the cyborg.
"Oi Zura...are you going to the hospital today? I heard Shinsuke could see visitors now." Gintoki pulled him aside. Sakamoto fell back too to meet up with the joui boys.
"Zura janai, Zurako da. Yes Gintoki, I was just going there now, care to come with? I'm sure Shinny would love to see you both." Zura said.
"As much as I'd love to see you two smack lips and throat suck each other, I think I'll pass." Gintoki said, walking down the hallways.
"Ahahahaha! I'll be sure to come next time okay Katsura?" Sakamoto also went ahead and Zurako stayed back to gather her thoughts. This would be the first time she'd see him since his surgery. Shinsuke insisted that Zurako stay away until he could actually get out of his bed so they could leave that stuffy hospital. She reached into her purse and pulled a letter he had written to her while he was bed ridden,
I'm writing to tell you that the surgery was a success...Skele's spine was a near perfect match to pick apart and fix my bone structure. I'm feeling alright, tired, and I can't move much, but I have the strength to write this to you. You give me the strength to write. Just thinking about being able to hold your hand again, being able to dance in the darkness of space like we used to. No one understands me like you do. I hope to see you again, I love you with all my heart. Please write back whenever you get the chance.
Zurako clutched the letter tight and put it back in her purse. She hurried down the hall so she could catch a cab to head straight for Shinsuke.
"Where the hell would she be at?" Bansai was pretty much wondering around aimlessly looking for Zurako. Bansai was checking every building, beauty shops, terrorist hang outs, but nothing. He was about done, when he had the idea to check Yorozuya. "Well, maybe she's here?" Bansai thought a loud. He made his way to the snack shop and noticed it was eerily quite. The snow was blowing, the crunching of his snow boots, but nothing else. 'This seems too unusual...' Bansai thought, he looked around just to be sure. As he was nearing the edge of the shop and the alley way, someone grabbed him around the head and covered his mouth so he couldn't scream,
"Now, now, don't struggle, that'll only make it harder." Bansai managed to get a glimpse of the man, a large old man with a gnarly mustache. Bansai then saw another man step out of the shadows, he instantly recognized that it was Joe.
"Sssh...shhh, don't make a sound ya hear?" Joe said, running his fingers through Bansai's hair.
"Wilford, let him go. Get down on your knees." Joe pulled out a pistol from his back pocket. "Don't even try to play those guitar string tricks on me or I'll leave your brains all over this white snow."
"L-look Joe, please, you don't have to do this." Bansai was trying to figure out a way to reason with him.
"At, ta, ta...Kawakami Bansai...you are Takasugi Shinsuke's right hand man. You are his and Katsura's closest link...I need you for now. Where is Katsura? I need to know where he is. I also need to find Shinsuke...if I find Katsura, I find Shinsuke. Where are they Bansai, please won't you tell me?" Joe said, making a pouty face.
"I wouldn't tell you if I knew...I don't know where Katsura-dono is, and I sure as hell am not going to tell you where Shinsuke is." Bansai said, staying defiant.
"Ah, alright, cool. Brimley?" Joe beckoned Brimley over, and Brimley knew the signal. Wilford withdrew a baseball bat from underneath his coat and winded it up. Bansai sat there on his knees trembling and braced himself when Brimley swung what would have been a homer, center field. The wooden bat cracking into Bansai's ribs, each rib that made contact breaking and snapping with the force of the swing. Bansai fell over and started to cough up blood, it staining the white snow. Joe kicked Bansai's sword away from him, so he couldn't attack with it anymore.
"Now, do I have you attention?" Joe bent down and put the gun at the bottom of Bansai's lips, lifting his face up to match his. "I'm not going to waste anymore of each other's time. Either you tell me where those two love birds are, our I'll just end our conversation with one pull of my finger." Joe said, shrugging. "I'll give you like...20 seconds to answer me." Joe said, leaning up against a wall. Bansai's mind was racing, there was no way he could sell out his friends, he was loyal to Shinsuke and Katsura. But, his human instincts were also clouding him, if he told him, he would live to see another day...or would he? His mind was frazzled, but he finally came to a conclusion,
"I'd rather see you burning in Hell than to tell you where Shinsuke is." Bansai said, holding his chest. Blood was coming out of his mouth still. Joe's face twisted and that evil, diabolical smile stretched across his face. Joe ordered Brimley to pick Bansai up and slam him against a wall. More blood came trickling out of Bansai's mouth as Brimley back away.
"So sad Bansai...but if that's how you want to be remembered, so be it! Say hey to Steve for me!" Joe aimed the gun directly at Bansai's chest. Joe's hand squeezed the gun tight and a single shot rang out. Bansai's closed his eyes as he braced for the shot, but he felt nothing. He opened his eyes and saw Joe's gun laying in the snow with a bullet hole in it.
"You really thought you were going to escape me Joe? I am Elite after all."
"Hehehe...you guys just don't know when to quit do you? So what, did you come back to give me my hand? I really need it, you know?" Joe said, shaking his hand in pain.
"No Joe, you won't get you arm back. There is no way our Elite security could let this go, it's a miracle of science." Isaburo said, still aiming his gun at Joe. Joe shook his head and laughed,
"Well? I'm surrounded ain't I? Go ahead and shoot me! I'm pretty much defenseless!" Joe was laughing anymore. Isaburo shook his head,
"That's not my job Joe. Someone else would like to do that for me. When I found out your location, I emailed a good texting buddy of mine." The Mimarawigumi all stepped aside and exited the alley, and a single person stepped into the alley. Isaburo passed them and put his hand on their shoulder. "Good luck. Shinsuke would be proud to see this." The person let their hair down, let down half their kimono and drew a blade,
"Joe...your retribution has come. It will be judged by my blade." Katsura took a stance and readied his blade. Joe's laughter only continued.
"Katsura...I'm not the one you want, my pal Brimley here took the shot on Shinsuke!" Joe said, patting Brimley's shoulder. "I'm in no condition to fight Wilford, and I know you are." Katsura's glaring eyes shifted to the older gentleman.
"Well Joe, you've really forced my hand here, but after eating that bowl of oatmeal, I do feel better for the day." Brimley grabbed his baseball bat and tapped it against his palm. Isaburo managed to get Bansai out of the way of the fight, and Joe skadoo'd onto the building face.
"When you're done here Brimley, you know where to find me!" Joe started to run, and was quickly followed by the Mimarawigumi.
"Brimley is your name...the man who shot Shinsuke. I will strike you down with vengeance unlike anything you've seen for I am Katsura Kotarou, The Rampaging Noble." Katsura pointed the blade at him and went in for a quick slash, Brimley was caught off guard, but managed to catch the sword in the bat.
'He's fast, too fast!' Brimley thought, throwing the bat down. The bat falling to the ground gave Brimley an opportunity since the blade was still stuck in it. Katsura tried to dislodge it, but Brimley pulled a smaller sword of his own out of his coat. The blade met Katsura's chest, but the cut wasn't deep. The flesh-wound began to bleed and Brimley smiled. He opened his coat and showed an array of weaponry.
"Now, this was slowing me down a bit, it's cold but I think my fat should keep me warm enough. I need all the speed I can get, all the energy I can muster up." Brimley dropped the coat to the ground and took a stance of his own. Katsura smirked, he felt the warmth of his own blood trickling down his body.
"You've got quite the instincts for an older gentleman, but Brimley...you are not match for a master swordsman." Katsura came in swinging again, Brimley was keeping match but just barely. He was nearly backed against the wall, Katsura getting the upperhand. "COME ON BRIMLEY, GIVE ME YOUR ALL!" Katsura was slashing harder and harder, some cuts connecting to Brimley's face, but Brimley saw an opening in the wild slashing. He knew Katsura wasn't full focused. Brimley did a quick duck, and Katsura's blade his the brick wall behind them. Brimley stabbed towards Katsura's feet, but he jumped backwards, just dodging the knife. Brimley stood up and wiped the sweat off of his forehead.
"You're real good samurai, real good..." Brimley composed himself and went again with some attacks of his own. Katsura was handily taking care of each strike. Katsura barely moved, Brimley's attacks being calculated. Katsura knocked Brimley back with a roundhouse kick to his large gut, making the bigger man stumble.
"It's useless Brimley, you've never seen Hell like I have. I know how to survive." Katsura threw a huge upward slice that caught Brimley in the left shoulder. Brimley winced in pain as he stumbled backwards. "YOU'RE WEAK, A WEAKLING LIKE YOU TRYING TO STRIKE DOWN SHINSUKE IS A DISGRACE TO THE JOUISHISHI!" Katsura again lost his cool, blindly slashing and Brimley took notice. In the midst of the fury, Brimley reached into his coat and retrieved a stun grenade. The grenade went off and Katsura was blinded. Brimley took the chance to go right to the back, but Katsura by instinct blocked the strike,
"W-what?! I blinded you!" Brimley said, going for a different area, but again he was blocked.
"I don't need my eyesight Brimley, you are far too much an amateur with the blade." Katsura said, starting to gain his vision back, but as he did he was met with a huge right hand in the face. Brimley slipped from behind Katsura and connect with a devastating hook and took Katsura down with an STO takedown. Katsura landed hard in the snow, with Brimley in prime position, nearly full mounting Katsura,
"I'm not all fat and old, having worked as a bodyguard, and the fighting I've learned from Joe, I know more than you might think lad. Now, I didn't want to get too serious, but you are asking for trouble, and Joe would be most appreciative if I ended you here." Brimley reached into his pocket and pulled out his diabeetus testing pin. He pricked his finger and checked the results, "I'm in rare form Katsura, you picked a wrong day to fight me." Brimley threw the testing supply aside and landed more rights, his left arm was hindered from the cut, and Katsura took notice. After several shots from Brimley, Katsura managed to quickly free his left arm from Brimley and chop the wound. Brimley stood up and backed off, giving Katsura time to compose himself and grab his blade again.
"You say you're at your peak today...well show it to me. BRING ME YOUR ALL!" Katsura took another stance. Brimley simple chuckled.
"Well, now it's just getting interesting isn't it." Brimley turned around and ripped a pipe completely off a building. Katsura was taken aback by the strength of this feat. Brimley swung the large pipe and connect with Katsura's gut. The blow knocked him back, blood coming out of his mouth. "Come on Katsura! Where is that raging spirit you were talkin' about?!" Brimley went for a huge hit on the ground, but Katsura rolled out of the way. The next swing by Brimley, Katsura managed to block with his sword. Katsura took the chance by parrying the pipe and stood back up, holding his abdomen. Brimley smiled again, "See, now we're even Katsura. My shoulder is a bit tore up, and your gut is a little busted." Brimley rested on the pipe as Katsura's breathing began to become heavier. His make up was completely gone, he had shed Zurako for the first time in a few months.
"Your swings are that of a child. Weak and fruitless." Katsura taunted Brimley, this brought the older man to a boil. He swung again, connecting with Katsura's face. Katsura fell to the ground, his jaw jacked.
"HOW'S THAT FOR A NOVICE SHOT?!" Brimley yelled. He went to strike again, but again, Katsura moved. "How are you able to distance yourself with such injuries?" Brimley wondered as Katsura staggered to his feet.
"It's not about the pain you endure...it's your mental fortitude. You lack mental toughness." Katsura was losing breath, more blood coming from his mouth. Brimley went in again with another huge swing, but the pipe was caught by Katsura with just a single hand,
"Wh-WHAT?!" Katsura cut the pipe in half with his sword using the other hand. Brimely staggered back, his weapon now cut in half. Katsura dropped the pipe and clutched his sword with both hands. He went in with a massive vertical swing. Brimley tried to block with the other half of the pipe, but the part also split completely in half. The sword just missing Brimley's face by mere millimeters. His glasses fell to the snow, cut in half and a gash on his nose opened up.
"I told you Brimley, you are weak. You don't deserve to go toe to toe with me. You don't deserve to kill Shinsuke. You are scum, much like your friend Joe." Katsura threw the blood from the blade down on the snow. He was mere inches from Brimley's face. The fear in both their eyes were evident, but neither wanted to admit it. Brimley fell to his knees, he was completely struck down, and didn't know what to do. Katsura stepped back and pointed the sword at Brimley's face. He dug the blade slowly into the cut on Brimley's nose. "You don't deserve to be here...you will repent in Hell." Katsura raised his blade but made a near fatal error, Brimley reached into his pocket quickly and pulled out the small blade he used earlier. He chucked the blade and it stuck deep into Katsura's right arm, just missing his face. Katsura yelled in pain and staggered back. Brimley throw a huge punch right into the cut on Katsura's chest and then met it with a thunderous kick, blood going all over the snow and Brimley's shoe. Katsura fell backwards, dropping his blade and managing to rip the small knife out of his forearm. Blood was pouring out into the snow beneath Katsura.
"You got complacent Katsura Kotarou. You let your emotions get the better of you. If Joe has taught me anything, it's that emotions can dictate one's destiny. It's because of his emotions, I foresee his own downfall. The same can be applied to you," Brimley walked over and picked up the knife and cleaned the blood off with his shirt. "Now, I'm going to finish what I started." Brimley turned the knife to Katsura, he was ready to end this fight, but Katsura spoke up,
"Katsura Kotarou janai...TAKASUGI KOTAROU DA!" Katsura flared up, the fire in his eyes and soul lighting up. He kicked the knife out of Brimley's hands and kipped up. Brimley was shocked he was still able to move like this, he had not seen such passion in a long time. "You say emotion is a hindrance...but it's what fuels me, He fuels me." Katsura felt the letter in his pocket before he picked his sword back up. His eyes darkened and went in for the fastest slash Brimley had seen, he tried to dodge it, but the Raging Noble was too fast. The blade sliced Brimley's left ear completely off. Brimley yelled and grabbed for his missing ear. Katsura went for another slice, hitting Brimley for a slight flesh wound on his side. His fat was enough to protect his organs and muscles. Brimley was crawling to get to safety. He managed to get his ear and place it in his pocket. Katsura flung blood across the snow next to Brimley. "You are a dead man crawling. Brimley, if you would like to pass on a final message to Joe, I will personally deliver it to him." Katsura said. Brimley turned to face Katsura.
"That won' be necessary Katsura...you bested me today, but my time here is not done. Joe skadoo'd, I can too!" Brimley's body lifted up and stuck inside the same wall Joe went into.
"NO BRIMLEY!" Katsura struck the wall with his blade where Brimley was, but it just bounced off the brick. Brimley waved and limped off down the alley. Katsura was too injured to follow up on him. He fell to the snow on his butt and looked down at the big cut on his chest. His blood soaked hands reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He messaged Isaburo to come pick him up and drop him off to see Shinsuke. Katsura finished the email and looked back at the wall where Brimley skadoo'd. 'Why us...what have we ever done to you Joe...but I swear next time, next time I see you both, I will strike you down. However long it will take, I will be waiting. And when that time comes, I won't be alone.' Katsura thought to himself as snow was beginning to fall around him.
Episode 6, Written by: Cha, Date: December 11th
Inside Yorozuya’s home, a loud ringing could be heard.
“OI SOMEBODY PICK UP THE PHONE!” Shinpachi yelled from the bathroom.
“Nobody wants to hear you do that obvious and outdated reference, Pachi-kid.” Kagura banged on one end of the old ass style phone and it leaped in mid air, she grabbed it with the strength of a million and one bunnies. “You reached the Kaguster.” She picked her nose.
“Oi, China Girl! It’s me Kondo-san, you see we need your guy’s help to-“ She slammed it down.
“Who was it?” Shinpachi said putting up his fly, a scary thought for the writer and readers. "I'll let that one go... for now..."
“Just some Gorilla in heat.” She rolled the booger from her nostril and put it on his glasses before he started to OI out. He made them go anyway to the Shinsengumi residence.. well both of them were bored anyway and had not much else to do in the story. They met up with the usual gang.
“Eeer? Really? Okita-san lost his memory?” Shinpachi said shocked.
Him, a few Shinsengumi members and Kagura were standing outside their police station.
“Yeah, it took us weeks to find him. He went missing from the truck stop to transfer that crazy Joe guy to the state penitentiary. He somehow got in a huge accident though on the freeway and ended up like this.” Kondo explained, he started to choke up. “OI I HOPE THIS AMNESIA ISN’T FOREVER! SOUGOOOO!”
“Hi there!” Sougo said unusually very happy popped up to them. “You’re the gorilla!”
“Y-you remember that detail of all things?!” Kondo said.
“Of course he does! It’s a trait you’ve already engrained on us so deep it’ll never leave us, uh-huh.” Kagura added.
Hijikata was in the corner alone thinking until he spoke up.
“Just doesn’t add up though..” Hijikata took a puff out. “We took every precaution to keep that man from not escaping. I followed what Ste..” He sighed out. “Steve would do if he was in this situation.” Hijikata pulled out the handy dandy drawing Steve made for him before he died. How would he be able to see him again?
“But this is a crazy man, Toshi. Who knows what that monster can do.” Kondo said.
Kagura then looked at Sougo who was now examining a ladybug intensely on the ground. He looked at the yato with a big, weird smile.
“Hiiiiiiiii.” He waved.
“Bleeugh.” She looked disgusted. “Pretty hilarious to see him like this though! Oi, let’s make a bunch of things up and say like they’re the truth so he believes it's his past!” She commented and snickered.
“OI, we’re trying to help him out! Not damage him even more!” Shinpachi detested.
“It’s Hijikata-san!” Sougo ran up and hugged the man tightly, much to everyone’s shock. “You’re such a cool Vice Chief!”
“Nice act Sougo.” He rolled his eyes. “Amnesia or not there’s no way you’d do this.” He tried to kick off the guy but he wouldn’t budge. “What the..?”
“Toshi, this is serious, he really has amnesia! The doctor said so.” Kondo defended.
“So what do you want us here for?” Shinpachi asked as Sougo was still loving on Hijikata’s leg.
“We were gonna see if some familiar faces could stir up some memories for Sougo. But clearly it isn’t working. Say, where’s Odd Jobs?” Kondo asked the teenagers.
“He’s been at his princesses house for a few days now. Trying to get one last shot of love before he becomes an old man!” Kagura said happily.
“There’s no way Joe could have made those sword marks on the truck Sougo was in...” Hijikata said. He turned to two spies playing badminton. “Yamazaki, Big Blue. I want you two to keep an eye out on those no good Mimawarigumi.” Hijikata ordered. “AND GET SOUGO OFF MY LEG!”
“I love yooooooou.” Sougo said drooling.
“EH!?! He’s acting like he’s braindead!!” Kondo said even more scared now.
“Oh boy! My first day officially at work! Who knew you guys would hire me after all those arcs I’ve been just chillin’ with you guys!” Gonard said excitedly after they paused their game.
“Oh Gonard, you know you’ve done a lot more than just chill with us. Give yourself some credit.” Yamazaki smiled.
“I guess you’re right Jimbo, that youtuber indian guy especially was kinda creepy.” Gonard added. They picked up their sports items and got in a police car.
“So while I love you here buddy, are you sure they won’t miss you at your old job?” Yamazaki put his Ol’ Reliable badminton racket in a case and in the back seat.
“Of course not! When’s the last time this fiction has mentioned Lilymu?” Gonard said and they laughed.
Meanwhile some where Ozu sensed a disturbance of someone dissing his show and broke the pencil in his hand with ease.
Toshi finally managed to fling off Sougo, he landed on Kagura’s face though.
“GET HIM OFF OF ME!” She pounded with fists of a million suns but he didn’t budge.
“Aaaaaaahh hahahaha your hair is so orange.” Sougo added.
“Can you two watch Sougo while we’re investigating?” Hijikata asked Kagura and Shinpachi.
“Well uh..” Shinpachi started.
“NO GODDAMN WAY!” Kagura pounded her head against a tree, still no budging.
“We’ll pay you plenty, plus you can use our wifi network.” Kondo negotiated.
“Deal.” They both said as Kondo and Hijikata walked out.
"Not the original Gintama characters..." Hijikata thought to himself. The terrorist Takasugi' Shinsuke's words ringing in his ears of the reality of every one l of them being inside Steve's book all along.
“Alright then we’re off. Come on TOSHI! Let’s go capture that Playhouse Disney villain!” Kondo tapped a friendly hand on his Vice Chief’s shoulder as his VC sighed out.
Katsura held up an invitation for next month.
In Loving Memory of Skele Bonestein
hosted by Sensei Shoyou
Katsura was laying in a hospitable bed, getting treated for some injuries during his fight with Wilford.
“My make up...” Katsura looked in his powder's mirror, he was completely Zurakoless. “Shinny is gonna find me hideous if he sees me all bruised and scarred up like this..” Katsura refused to cry, trying to keep his noble gentlemen self in tact.
“Katsura.” A voice called out from the hospital room door. He perked up but it was only Isaburo. “Shinsuke is just in the other room, would you like to see him?”
“No, not in this state.” Katsura closed up his makeup bag and laid down in the bed.
“You know I was undercover when we first met, Katsura. But what I said that day about Joe, I didn’t lie. That man is willing to take you and your husband out on any cost. Bansai nearly died, are you and Shinsuke ready to be on the lamb? Still remaining in Japan is a terrible idea. You are gonna put more than just Bansai's life on the risk next time.” Isaburo said.
“I wish I knew what he exactly wanted with us.” Katsura sat up, holding his wounded abdomen.
“Who knows? Maybe he’s just mad that you all knew Steve.” Isaburo said.
"Well I already planned to go on a honeymoon with Shinsuke when we were able. I was just planning on going to some amusement park but now maybe another planet for now sounds good.” Katsura looked outside the window, dark from the city night world outside of it. Isaburo started to head out but stopped and turned around.
“Hey Katsura.” Isaburo said by the door, he turned to him. “Before that fight with Brimley, I didn’t even know if the thing between you and Shinsuke wasn’t some cover up for a faction alliance after all. But after yesterday, I’m sure he’s proud of a husband like yourself, despite what you think.” He said leaving.
He heard another person waddle in and turned to see tears in her eyes.
“E-Elizabeth..” He gave her a big hug.
-You should see Shinsuke, Katsura. That police guy told us both about what you did for his sake.- She signed.
“I just can’t.” He shook his head.
-He misses you a lot.- She pulled out another sign.
“I don’t deserve it after not being able to win the battle with that guy.” He sunk lower in his bed blankets and closed his eyes.
His eyes opened up wide. He snapped out of bed to look up.
“Katsura-san, you’re my best friend in the world. You always have been. Overall, I just want you to be happy. Please don’t try to repress your emotions, my friend. Shinsuke loves you and appreciated what you did for him that night.” Elizabeth spoke out in a male’s voice, a very, very rare event for her.
“E-E-Elizabeth...” He started to cry, hugging her again. She pulled out another sign, ushering for someone to come inside the room.
“Hey honey.” The purple haired guy wheeled in. “Funny to see Katsura and not Zurako for once.” He joked.
“TAKASUGI!” He jumped in his lap, nearing crushing it from impact and gave him the biggest hug and smooches of all time.
“Thanks for trying to take care of that fat guy by the way.” He joked.
“Okay your instructions and directions are very clear, Shinsuke and Katsura-san. Just head to the Edo Terminal Station.” Isaburo was driving him, Nobume and Katsura/Takasugi in the back seats in his police car. Isaburo refused to at first, but seeing how badly injured they both were, he felt like he had the responsibility.
“The Edo Station? Are you trying to get us arrested on the spot?” Katsura questioned. narrowing his eyes.
“Although it is a place for lots of hussle and bussle, we have a very complicated plan. No one should notice you if you put these disguises on.” Nobume handed them the items with her sticky Pon De Ring hands.
“TH-THESE ARE JUST NOVELTY MUSTACHE AND EYEBROW GLASSES! Can’t we have something else?” Takasugi tried to reason.
“Or maybe those cool shades you two have?” Katsura said.
“Sorry, but these are Elite only.” Isaburo said adjusting them. He kicked the car into high gear.
Katsura got even closer to Shinsuke in the back seats.
“Hi.” He smiled bashfully.
“Hey.” Shinsuke grinned back and leaned in. “Did you get that special email I sent you the other day? Thought it might make up for lost time together.”
“No, not at all.” Katsura said confused.
“W-WHAT. Then WHO..” Shinsuke said alarmed.
"Saitama-Sensei is quite skilled in mini golf." Genos told his friend.
"Well my Ozu is the best at it AND owns the best mini golfing place in the world, Mini Pines!" Yes Man bragged.
"Mom! Ozu! We're heading out!" Guano called out, closing the door with his brother, Saitama and Genos next to him.
"Tanuki, I thought when you said going out we were trying to get rid of the two brown nosers.." Saitama looked dead on the outside and inside.
"I know, I know Sait. But my parents want Yes Man to be more active around other people." Guano sighed out. "Shouldn't be that bad..."
The four walked down the streets of Tokyo, Caped Baldy and the Masked Tanuki covered their ears, the superheroes unprepared for the loudness of their two companions.
"Ozu is so strong he could probably lift up a car over his head!" Yes Man bragged.
"Sensei is the strongest person in here or this known universe." Genos added very seriously.
"OZU can make a mean bbq steak burrito!" Yes Man argued.
"SAITAMA-SENSEI can make the best burrito of all time using only a few ingredients!" Genos shot back.
"Well MY OZU can light up on fire and beat up nosy Odd Jobs who try to pry on my mom!" Yes Man told him.
"Well SAIT- Wait. Your mom..? Then that means..." Genos gasped, putting his robotic hand over his mouth. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Genos falling to the ground in a feeble position.
"YEAH THAT'S RIGHT! I'M OZU'S ADOPTED SON! BEAT THAT! NO YOU CAN'T!" Yes Man cheered. "HUZZAH!!!"
Dead faces Guano and Saitama stepped on Genos body and pushed aside Yes Man, walking away from them. Genos got up, Yes Man snapped out of his celebratory state and walked quickly to join them.
"AAAAAHHHHH!" Yes Man was then snatched away by a mysterious person in the alley.
"YES MAN!" Genos yelled. Saitama and Guano turned their backs to see what had happened, they rushed by the cyborg.
"W-where did my brother go!?" Guano said very concerned.
"He was right here but someone snatched him!" Genos told him.
"There he is!" Saitama pointed to a roof top, three cloaked people were carrying him away.
Guano got on Genos shoulders as he flew up.
"Wait! Shouldn't Sait join us-"
Before Guano could finish his statement, Saitama was already on the top of the roof with the the three. He crossed his arms.
"What are you three doing with him?" He looked at them seriously.
"None of your BUSINESS!" A cloaked man said reaching his arm out to punch him but Saitama easily dodged it. Genos flew up to the scene with Guano aboard.
"Now look, don't make me attack you. That would be unwise." Saitama told them.
"Hah, whatever you say pally." Another one of them said and tried to kick him, failing of course. Suddenly someone else kicked the hooded man straight in the jaw.
"Guano!" Saitama said.
"That's Masked Tanuki to you." Guano zipped down his suit, revealing his Tanuki costume.
"How many suits does he even wear?" Saitama wondered.
"Sait! I know you can't fight them without killing them so leave it to me!" Guano took out ninja stars from his belt aiming at the arms of the person holding back Yes Man. The guy winced in pain and released him.
"Ozu Junior! You saved me! Now I'll have to only give you 1,223 noogies instead of 1,224!" He smiled, bear hugging his brother tightly.
"And leave it to me, Sensei." Genos's robotic arm lit up. The three clocked men took their positions and taunted them to come forward.
"Aw man, I wish I had a theme." Guano said sad.
Masked Tanuki and Genos ran up to them. Hitting them with a bunch of strikes. Genos arm finally loaded up and he blasted two of the cloaked men. But they jumped out of the way. Genos then jabbed them with a mean left as the two tried hitting them with their own punches.
Guano threw ninja stars at the other one, but they jumped out of the way. However one of the stars hit the man across his covered face, causing him great pain and stumbled over. He got up and hoisted little Guano off the ground. Guano drop kicked him in the face and grabbed him backwards from the arm, bringing the guy to his knees.
"Whoa, where you learn that Tanuk?" Saitama smiled.
"Let's say I've observed enough from my karate knowing dad whenever he kicks Odd Jobs out of the house." Guano chuckled. "Now Genos!" Guano urged. The two of them got in kicking position and knocked the three individuals down.
"Next time you will learn from trying to hurt my brother, Yes Man!" Guano told him.
"And my friend!" Genos nodded.
"Wait. That isn't the man named No Man?" One of them said.
"Well no duh! You think I'd wear all that mucus green?!" Yes Man chuckled.
"To be fair, I sometimes get you two confused too." Saitama spoke up.
"OH COME ON. First he steals all my screen time, now he's better known in this fanfiction then me?!" Yes Man said peeved.
With this confusion, the three individuals sprung up and clicked a button, with in an instant they beamed out of there, leaving the four there confused.
"Well I'm up for ice cream, anyone else?!" Yes Man said happily.
"Sure, I'm game." The other three shrugged and said.
A month later after the events of the wedding crash and Kamui, Abuto and No Man had been working on their 7th Division Harusame ship ever since. However these times now when he was alone, Kamui would often wonder in thought. Something he never liked to do, but felt the urge to now. He didn't like it, he absolutely and utterly despised what Shinsuke had said during his hospital stay so much he trembled with anger at the thought of it.
Kamui didn't want to think about that truth that man said. That he was merely just a knock-off of the original Kamui, just stuck inside a now dead-man's comic book on a dusty shelf. His whole struggle for ultimate strength his entire life, was merely based off a limited and confined space? These thoughts fueled him, consumed him when he was alone but not with anger... some feeling that made him feel a million times worse, an unfamiliar feeling.
"Big Man.. he's doing it again. I'm starting to think we shouldn't even leave him alone now." No Man whispered from several feet away as Kamui continued to stare outside the lounge deck's window.
"I think it's something beyond loneliness, Short Man." Abuto scratched his face, looking at Chief in this very unusual state.
"I think we should finally ask him." No Man urged.
"And have my other arm cut off as if I was a play doll? heh!" Abuto scoffed. "Let's just remind him of today's mission."
The two slowly and cautiously walked up to their Chief.
"Hey Chief, do you remember the trade deal we were gonna make on planet Dunerisan today?" No Man said hopefully, Kamui instantly shot up.
"Course I do, No Dick! Let's get this job started, my 2nd and 3rd buccaneers! Ha!" Kamui smiled, merrily walking away as the other two sighed in relief. But then No Man snapped out of it.
"HEY! I'm not gonna let you get away with another 'No Dick', Chief! We have a punch hole card system on how many insults like that you can use on me daily, dog!" Peeved off No Man ran after him with the card in his hand, Abuto shaking his head, slightly chuckling.
They headed to the transportation room, a new station that made travelling for them a lot more easier, especially when they would go on their long Earth visits. The trio stepped on a large glass pad, No Man and Abuto marveled at the Star Trek rip-off- I mean advanced technology of the Harusame.
"Beam us down butt chin!" Kamui praised out. The guy doing the transporting controls simply sighed.
Within an instant, their molecules begun to fade out and they arrived on the swampy jungle planet.
"Aaah the fresh air, makes a man feel a million times better." Kamui took in a big breath and sighed out obnoxiously.
"EEUGH! You say fresh air, I say humid, smelly swamp air." No Man held his nose.
"Still beats your bedroom's environment." Abuto said and high fived Kamui, No Man hit them in both their faces. "Say, where's this big shot governor I keep hearing about on this slimy marble?" Abuto added, scratching his scruffy chin.
"Not sure Ossan, maybe he's gonna make a grand entrance." Kamui smiled.
Suddenly a giant creature emerged from the depth of the shallow, green mucky water. It was a giant crocodile with a business suit, king crown and cane. Kamui just put his hand to his face and started chuckling and shaking his head at the ridiculousness, much like the writer did when writing those lines.
"Hello dear Harusame space pirates!" He said in a noble, booming voice. The vibration of it was enough to knock the yato off their feet for a second.
"GEEZ! Might keep it down much?!" No Man said but Abuto elbowed him hard to keep respectfully quiet.
"Say, you must be Governor Landski around these parts! Pleasure to do business with you." Kamui held his hand out and the alligator gave him one of his enormous claw fingers to shake.
"Kamui! My world is your world, giving us the trade on all these imported goods will do our society well!" Landski said with a hearty laugh.
"So what are these imported goods, big dog?" No Man whispered to Ossan.
"Oh you know, the usual this and that. Probably some illegal drugs or stolen goods." Abuto added.
"Four thousand pounds of poached giant Muersian Dug Worms! Thank you men kindly. They will be delicious." The alligator said joyfully.
"Ewwwww." No Man and Abuto said silently.
"Glad to help! Those worms reminded me of a butt ugly worm I came across recently!" Kamui grinned. He then heard his ship's transceiver go off in his pocket. "Sorry Gove, one moment please!" Governer Landski nodded and gave them some space.
"Chief... please come back to the ship..." 4th said in a very sad tone.
"4th Asshole, I told you not to bother me when I'm in the middle of a transaction! Ha!" Kamui smiled.
"Sorry Chief! But it seems like it's urgent!" A familiar voice said. Kamui looked confused as did his other two men and switched the transceiver to picture mode.
"Long time no see, Kamui!" Joe chuckled.
"4th Ass!" Abuto and No Man said concerned.
"Goddamn JAMES! What are you doing on my ship? I'll kill ya if you touch anything!" Kamui grinned and was clutching his transceiver tighter.
"Call me by my name or not, Kamui but I have the upperhand here. Get back on your ship immediately or I'll cut this green alien's head off with one swipe."
"Actually Chief is pretty bad with names." Abuto added and Chief shrugged with a playful smile.
"Pretty sure he calls me insults because he can't remember my name half of the time..." No Man added.
Joe's bionic arm got tighter on 4th's neck, causing him to spit up blood.
"Stop!" Abuto and No Man pleaded. The three of them obeyed to Joe's wishes and were transported back on ship. There, Wilford had a huge pistol at their backs.
"Now then, ya three aliens come with me nice and quietly." Wilford chuckled. The three obeyed unwillingly.
"The gang's all back!" Joe cheered with his new reattached arm, still holding 4th hostage. "Willy! Go get the champagne, flowers, confetti, the works! Tonight I'm celebrating with my boys!"
"What do you want with us?" Abuto said clinching his fists.
"Where's our crew members?!" No Man demanded.
"Oh I have them locked up in the other room, no worries! I just I have a proposition for you three that I wanted to discuss privately. I want you to join me, on this big purge ol' mine!" Joe smiled. "I'll be fun! eh Chief?"
"Sorry, I don't team up with bad bowl hair cut bastards to have some fun! I kill when I want to." He smiled.
"Eh, that's a shame. We could have made a great team once again Kamui." Joe put the gun to 4th's head. "Well I guess it's the end for you then, buddy."
"I..." 4th trembled, looking down at the ground quietly.
"You what? Speak up! I don't have all day! Haha!" Joe smiled.
"I am Random Ass 4th in Charge Yato... AND YOU KILLED MY BOYFRIEND, RANDOM ASS 5TH IN CHARGE YATO!" 4th yelled.
"Gotta be more specific there green pal, I kill a lot of boyfriends." Joe chuckled, an image of Takasugi going through his head.
4th broke out of Joe's grip, slamming him to the ground with a huge yato toss. Joe flipped up to his feet and started shooting towards him. 4th blocked the bullets quickly by grabbing his umbrella near by. He then went in to stab Joe in the abdomen with it, but Joe grabbed it.
"Say, I don't remember you at Takasugi and Katsura's wedding, what's the matter? Not invited?" Joe smiled.
4th ripped the umbrella out of the man's hands while Joe quickly brainstormed something for his cyborg arm to come up with.
"Time for my handy dandy cyborg notebook!" He sung out happily. Suddenly got out a tranquilizing gun and aimed it at the green alien. "Just hold still, this won't pinch!" He shot it multiple times, 4th dodging them all except one. It didn't effect him at all though. "Aw damn, you're a yato too? You look less convincing of one even more then that other green guy! Right Halfy?"
"Don't... CALL ME HALFY!" No Man grabbed Wilford's diabetic pin from his jacket and stabbed him with it. Brimley fell over in pain, dropping the gun and bleeding out intensely. No Man grabbed the gun, broke it with ease and threw it over his shoulder.
"Alright Halfy!" Kamui cheered.
"Chief I just literally said not to call me that.." No Man looked dead.
"Aw man. You guys are ruining my party!" Joe said, taking another swing with his cyborg arm at 4th who dodged it.
4th joined the other three and they took their stance against Joe.
"Oh I see, Amantos trying to boot out the human! Just like Edo all over again!" Joe chuckled.
"Good thing this Amanto lived in Tokyo his whole life!" No Man took a swing at Joe with his umbrella, hitting him in the gut and causing him to fling into the wall. Joe spit out some blood and took back his stance near them.
"Ahehe, trying to get some screen time after all those lovebirds stole it from you?" Joe smiled, he was brainstorming another thing for his cyborg arm.
"At least they don't ruin a man's sleeping time. I was about to go to bed after this mission!" Abuto took a swing at him himself and knocked Joe square in the jaw. He went for another blow but Joe blocked it and suddenly, another item appeared from his robotic arm. "My giant duster At last! Sorry fellow cyborg arm enthusiast, but it's time to sweep out some old dust bunnies!" A enormous duster and dust pan grabbed the ossan dusting him inside and throwing him away in a giant trash can.
"Abuto!" No Man and 4th yelled out, Kamui still smiling.
"If I didn't hate you as much as I did, James I'd find that hilarious!" Kamui leaped in the air for a punch as did No Man and 4th.
"You know? It wasn't nice of you three to NOT invite me to your big Christmas arc! One of my favorite things to do is to sit around a nice warm crackling fire!" Joe imagined a giant heating furnace, trapping No Man and 4th inside of it. "A few more minutes in there and they would be roasted up for sure!" But Joe noticed Kamui managed to dodge it away on time.
"Well well. The big main yato himself blocked that attack. Typical writers to pull that move. Pfft." Joe laughed and smiled. He imagined a giant spiked baseball bat and swung it at him, causing Kamui to flung back into the wall, breaking it.
"All this good man's work and you call yourself a big bad pirate Kamui?" Joe called out. He took this chance of Kamui being mobilized into the wall and hit him a few more times with a heavy thud at each swing. His body digging deeper into the cement wall. Eventually Kamui stopped fighting back and didn't move. "WOULD THE REAL KAMUI GIVE UP THIS EASILY?!"
Wilford turned around to see Joe gave that scary grin again. The old man shuttered as he was critically bleeding.
"Real Kamui...?" Abuto said silently from the giant trash can.
Bloody Kamui chuckled, getting up and Joe was surprised.
"Because of your brother's goddamn book... Joey... I don't know what I fucking am anymore.. HA! Some kind of knock-off of the original deadbeat Kamui, maybe.."
"C-chief..." Abuto and burning up No Man and 4th listened from where they painfully laid in their prisons.
"But who needs that guy when..." Chief took his stance. "I'M EVEN FUCKING CRAZIER THAN HE IS SOMEHOW!"
Kamui yelled at the top of his lungs, piercing Joe's arm with his umbrella with all his strength left in him. Joe flung to the ground hard, his head breaking the impact and squirting blood everywhere. The items that had trapped the other three dissolved as Joe's cyborg arm had been broken in the crash.
"Hahaha.. that would have hurt.." Joe said on the ground, the life being drained out of him.
"WOULD have?" Abuto said, supporting both critically burned No Man and 4th on both his shoulders.
"If I wasn't a clone created by the original Joe's cyborg arm!" He laughed a big amount, No Man, 4th and Abuto looking in complete shock.
"No wonder, the original James wouldn't die off as easily." Kamui calmly smirked and placed his boot on the fake Joe's chest, causing him to spout out much more blood.
"One more thing Joe really wanted though. I wasn't made to destroy you. I was made you convince you to join those three." The fake Joe coughed out.
"Who are you talking about...?" Abuto said, at that very moment the three cloaked people from earlier on Earth beamed in the control room next to them. They took off the black cloth on their hoodies that covered their face.
"Joe's arm has the means for everything, weapons of mass destruction, clones and brainwashing devices.." The fake Joe coughed up again.
"4th.. please take over the wheel again. It seems like we're gonna be busy on an adventure again." Kamui quietly smiled and 4th saluted, tears in his eyes and did so.
The three battered down yato stood completely up, holding onto their umbrella weapons tightly, the dad trio looking at them dead on. Kamui, Abuto and No Man giving menacing glares back. Another man ran onto the scene in a huffing puff, his glasses nearly falling off his face.
"Oh no.. it's too late!" Gendo observed the silent scene of the three yatos and three dads standing there. "I-I tried to stop them and follow them here. I tried to figure out what was going on."
"Be prepared for hell like you three have never experienced..." The fake Joe said on his dying breath.
“47...48...49....50!” Shinsuke and Katsura said after finishing their routinely daily 50 eskimo kisses (minimum).
Takasugi and Katsura were heading back to the hotel after a long day’s fun activities on this tropical planet they decided to take a honeymoon and temporary living stay at.
“Honey...” Katsura said under his breath blushing a little. “Isn’t it amazing? I’m surprised it isn’t that busy on this planet. You barely see anyone either.” He took a bite of their ice cream.
“I feel like I should be concerned at that, but what the heck. We’ve been good so far and dealt with enough worrying back home. Let’s keep venturing out.” Shinsuke added smiling.
“Alright then, Shinny!” Katsura high end kicked the wheelchair into a speed mode, arriving only a few seconds to their room. Shinsuke felt dizzy from this but shook it off a few seconds later (by vomiting but Katsura frantically cleaned him up.) Katsura opened the door but Takasugi stopped him.
”Don’t I have to carry you across the threshold?” Shinsuke chuckled.
”Oh.. do you want me to carry you instead? I wouldn’t want to impose.” Zura said.
”Nah it’s fine, I got it. I’m more of the carrier than the guy who gets carried anyways.” He said and Katsura got back on his lap and they acrossed into their suite room door. “Well that was anti-climatic.”
Katsura flipped on the lights to see a lovely suite room with rose pedals on the bed and tables.
“Ooh! Wow, they even have those cute little mints on the pillows..” Katsura broke free of his straight face and adored at these delicious bite sized wonders.
”Zura Janai, Zurako- oh wait force of habit. Katsura da.”
“I can’t believe we’re finally married. And we’re back together.” Shinsuke smiled.
“Shinny Boo..” They gave each other a little smooch.
“Hey Shinny Boo, what time is it? On Earth hours anyway.” Katsura was now smuggling up all the mints, little soaps and whatever else he could use back in his Jouishishi shelter on home later.
“About 9:45 PM, sorta kinda late but not really.” Shinsuke shrugged putting his arms above his terrorist head.
“If we could make it on Pay-Per-View, we could watch that hilarious cheesehead brownpants I was telling you about... but then we would miss out on all the special channels they usually have on TVs like this. What do you think, Takasugi?” Katsura asked seriously and the purple haired man smiled, always cracking up from how seriously he took most things.
“I think anything is good, Honey-chan. I love being with just you.” Shinsuke smiled.
“Honey-chan...” Katsura still with the bunch of complementary shit in his pockets sat back on the bed in bliss. “I’m excited because I just realized we can watch two shows at once if we clicked his button.” He explained and Takasugi rolled his eyes but smiled. “Oh sorry, I should wheeled you over here, that was quite rude of me in your paralyzed time of need.” Katsura got up and wheeled him on the other side of the bed from him. He got out a blanket and pillow on his wheelchair to keep his midget husband nice and toasty.
“Well...I’m not temporally paralyzed everywhere.” Shinsuke smirked and gave a one eye wink.
He hoped his husband knew he was winking, as he didn’t want to look majorly lame from that attempt. But doing all the weird, unmentionable kink shit they’ve done in the past that Bansai heard in the other room, Katsura probably knew.
“S-Shinny...” He simply nodded in agreement. Consummation. He was ready.
Within a millionsecond Katsura found Takasugi just above him on the bed, a familiar scene for a power b- guy like him. Shinsuke slowly took off Katsura’s cool novelty shirt he got from the discount store. He then lovingly rubbed Katsura’s soft face while sincerely smiling.
“AAAAAHHH!” Takasugi yelled out as he was being laser beamed by the giant white duck. Thankfully even though he fell onto the ground with his surgery pains, he was protected by main character plot armor.
“Wait Shinny! You should give a thumbs up that I know you’re okay! Like all the other characters do!!” Sparkling abs Katsura yelled out from on the bed.
“And YOU shouldn’t have bought HER on our honeymoon.” Shinsuke rubbed his poor gun shooting arms and legs.
One week of their honeymoon later, the were hangin' out by the sides of the ocean. Takasugi frantically making sure the big duck herself didn't stalk them this time. They just barely got to share their little senseis- he means watch TV without that big bird around to eat food and stuff.
”And that’s how I won over the heart of every single citizen of Las Vegas.” Katsura concluded.
"Call me Katsura for right now, this picture above is just mainly for a gag anyways." Katsura added.
"Katsura, I was gonna tell you back on Earth but you know you've really changed me these past couple of months." Takasugi said bashfully.
"Yeah, you're not wearing those toilet paper bandages on your face anymore." He added seriously. Katsura adjusted his fish hat, possibly to communicate with the Amanto fish or from some weird roleplay thing they did the night before hand.
"Well, besides that, honey. And they're not toilet paper.. Anyways." The purple haired man looked at Katsura eye to eyes. "...I feel like I've become so, so much happier and positive when I'm around you.”
“I feel a million times happier around you! More happier than hearing wicked cool Donald Duck impersonations!” Katsura added seriously and blushed.
“Like compared to the beginning of all that popularity poll nonsense. I can't explain it but obviously we have more fun together than anyone else. Or at least I think. No I KNOW.” Shinsuke said.” Katsura, my love. You keep bringing out the good sides of me that I rather just (explode) out myself... so with that.. I've decided to retire the Kiheitai."
"W-WHAT?!" Katsura said shocked.
"I'm still gonna be apart of the extremist faction like yourself and in my ship but just toned down a bit more. You know? I still want to run away from the Shinsengumi with you hand in hand." He chuckled. "You've really inspired me Katsura Kotarou." He held both of Katsura's hands as Katsura begun to tear up.
"Katsura Kotarou janai...." He sobbed up. "....Katsura Shinsuke... da...T-That's all us Joui, or Sensei or especially Skele wanted Shinny... For you to bloom like this... into such a caring person.. I love you so much right now.”
"Well I see we've stuck with one last name this time." Shinsuke joked.
He held crying Katsura and gave him a kiss on the top of his fishy head.
"I got a surprise for you too, Shinny. I'm pregnant!" He looked up at him and exclaimed.
"What." He said blankily.
"Ha, I got you because I'm a male and that kind of thing doesn't happen to males.” Katsura nodded. Shinsuke just shook his head while putting his hand on his face, smiling though. This goofball would be the person his semi-short temperature self he would be married to for the rest of his life... and he couldn't be any happier.
"Say, let's get one of those planet famous Worlie Twirly Fudge ice creams again." Takasugi smiled. "Race you there first!" He started to wheel off fast as he could in the sand.
"It's on, like Donkey Kong!" Katsura changed his fish hat to a Mario hat though.
"Haha! I won, Honey-chan! Prodigy student can't keep up I guess." He joked. He looked all around the shore for his husband and didn't see him. "He must have gotten caught up on a sea turtle or something." He chuckled, walking back. "Oi Zura! You owe me two ice creams for walking back! Haha... Honey-chan? Where are-" He stopped dead in his tracks.
"Hey Shinsuke! Or should I say Mr. and Mr. Shinsuke now!" Joe chuckled, the revolver tight on Zura's head. "I see your Mrs. has retired the dress after his battle with my Willy! Nice wheelchair by the way! Reminds me of that fucking Toshi. A yet another handicapped friend of Steve!"
"Shinsuke! Don't get any closer!" Zura yelled out.
"Oh come now, why wouldn't he try to save his own Honey-chan?" Joe chuckled.
"You bastard..."Takasugi clinched his teeth and fist. "How did you find us..."
"Oh a little bit of this, a little bit of that." Joe chuckled.
"THAT DOESN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION!" He took out his sword from his wheelchair pocket.
"Carrying a sword on your honeymoon? How romantic." Joe laughed.
"Me and my husband wanted to practice our skills later today... after I gave him the good Joui news.." He clinched his teeth. Using his wheelchair, he swerved into Joe, trying to stab him.
"Oh you gotta be kidding me." Joe scoffed. "Call me when you can fight with your full body, Shinny boy." He grabbed Takasugi by his suit jacket and threw him into a palm tree, a few coconuts hitting his head.
"Well here we go again, ol' Shinsuke! Please make sure to say hello to Steve for me in hell!....Eh?" Joe looked down at his fist, feeling something blocked it.
"DON'T YOU..FUCKING TOUCH MY HUSBAND AGAIN!" Katsura put all his might into holding back the cyborg arm.
"Wilford! How could you?!" But Joe looked down at Katsura's left thigh. A bullet shot all the way through. "Taking a shot just to get to your man eh? I always thought Takasugi was the more manlier one, but you're surprising me more and more Katsura!"
"H-Honey-chan..." Takasugi gave a little smile the best he could.
Wilford ran up to shoot Katsura again but the Rampaging Noble grabbed his cyborg arm and swung Joe back into a palm tree with a hefty kick. Crying Katsura held weak Takasugi in his arms and took his sword from his bloody hand. He laid him underneath a tree and limped towards Joe. "I'm not holding back this time, Joe. I will kill you with no remorse."
Joe wished up a bubble, trapping Katsura inside of it.
"W-WHAT THE?!" He pounded on it and tried to stab it with Takasugi's sword.
Joe simply got up, Wilford joining him.
"No you two.. I wasn't gonna actually kill you. The writers wouldn't allow it. But let me tell you what I will do." Joe smirked.
"What are you talking about Joe? I thought we were gonna kill them finally." Wilford asked confused.
"See here Willy, looking at these two realized that She gave me another clue!"
"Who is she?" Katsura asked but Joe simply smiled.
"Why Blue, my adorable puppy of course. But you would know about Blue, wouldn't you childhood friend of Steve?" Joe smiled looking at Takasugi's idle body against the bloody tree. "How many adventures did you two go on anyway? Oh it doesn't matter. Even if I hadn't been a baby, Steve would have spent his whole life on adventures with you and especially that Toshi."
"Your dog is dead, Joe. Just like your brother. And your family. You are despicable, even to a former extreme terrorist like me." Takasugi said with serious head injuries and a fractured spine.
Joe rushed up to him with his mighty cyborg fist, a thunderous boom was heard and smoke filled the beach.
"NOOOO!" Katsura screamed.
The smoke cleared, Joe's fist was right above Takasugi's head. The place where Joe hit the palm tree timbered over with a monstrous thud.
"Like I said. I'm not gonna kill you two lovers. I'm gonna go back in time and prevent you from ever meeting Steve...." Joe kicked Takasugi in the ribs. "him ever getting you two interested in one another...." He kicked him again, much to Katsura's shock and disgust. "Back to where the audience use to talk to me... BACK TO BLUE." His handy dandy cyborg arm wished up a time machine. Katsura stepped back in shock as it was spewing out electricity. He ran back to Takasugi's spot.
The two husbands held out their hands for each other but in an instant the three of them dissolved into thin air and Wilford saw a huge flash on the beach. He was shocked and remained idle to process all that he had seen of the man who once again attacked people because of his high emotions.
Episode 7, Written by: Aya, Date: December 13th, 2017
"THANK YOU! GOODNIGHT!" Bansai yelled to the three people in attendance. He received some claps and change thrown onto the stage.
"Bansai-senpai, this can't be our only form of income...I still can't believe Shinsuke-sama disbanded us..." Matako said, her face hitting the keyboard.
"No need to worry Matako-chan. We've sold the ship, we have enough money to get by for a few months." Takechi said.
"And then what? We are just going to be stuck homeless." the keys of the keyboard ringing out.
"Come on guys, this is a DREAM of mine, WHO WANTS AN ENCORE?!" Bansai cupped his hand to his ear and heard a single "Wooo!" from the crowd, "Alright! This one goes out to a very special writer!"
"Bansai-senpai, can't you be serious for one second?" Matako asked, backing up his solo.
"Look man, it's a blessing and a curse Shinsuke-dono disbanded us. Let's just say I'm glad not to hear anymore EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE." Bansai said, strumming his guitar.
"Well, I guess that's true." Matako said.
"As long as we have each other and our band, Exploding Feminism, we will be fine." Takechi added. Bansai finished up the song and the three started packing up. They were approached by three people, the three crowd.
"Hey, aren't you guys Yorozuya?" Bansai asked, recognizing Shinpachi and Kagura.
"That was some nice playing out there Bansai-san!" Shinpachi said, giving him a handshake. The three bandmates hopped off stage and noticed that Okita Sougo was with them.
"Now, now...we aren't terrorists anymore..." Matako said, backing away.
"It's fine! This idiot is braindead, has no memory." Kagura said, knocking on his head. Sougo grabbed Kagura's hand, and she flung him to the ground.
"We're being payed to watch over him." Shinpachi said, rubbing the back of his neck.
"Where's Yorozuya Gintoki?" Bansai asked. Shinpachi looked down,
"We haven't seen Gin-san in awhile now...we're not sure what's happened to him." Shinpachi said with a serious tone. Bansai scratched his chin and nodded.
"We haven't seen Shinsuke since he disbanded us." Bansai said, tuning his guitar.
"The Kihentai is disbanded?!" Shinpachi asked surprised. The three bandmates nodded and grabbed their luggage.
"Might be a long time til we see each other again Yorozuya. Best wishes." Bansai gave a peace sign and the three turned to their beat up pick-up truck.
"W-wait...can we be your roadies? I know talent when I see it...it wouldn't hurt to be the first fan of someone again." Shinpachi said, while Sougo was crawling back to Kagura, and she kicked him in the face. Bansai, Makato, and Takechi all turned around.
"Alright, I think we could all agree we need more fans. The two lads can sit in the bed of the truck, there's a literal bed in it so it's comfortable. If you want China Girl, you can sit next to me in the truck, it's no decent for a lady to be conditioned to this snow weather." Takechi said, who then received a knucklesandwich.
"That's fine, we've just gotta take Sougo places, maybe places he's been to to re-ignite his memory. This won't be the first time me and Kagura-chan have dealt with this." Shinpachi said, hopping into the back of the truck. Kagura flung Sougo in there and hopped in herself, causing the truck to shake violently. The three bandmates got in the truck and revved her up.
"Listen to this baby purr." Bansai said, tapping the steering wheel. Matako looked at him dead panned from the passenger seat. A large thud was heard and Bansai looked on the roof and saw Sadaharu. He pet Sadaharu and peeled off.
"Where to next Bansai?" Takechi asked.
"Where ever the wind takes us." Matako rolled her eyes at her Senpai. The gang traveled down an open high way, the wind hitting their hair in the brisk February weather. They rode the long strip until they reached the city. It was bustling as it was evening time. Traffic was heavy, and Bansai was looking visibly upset. He honked his horn, it making a loud EEEEEEEEEEEEEE sound.
"I swear to fuck if this traffic doesn't start moving I'm going to slice everyone down." Bansai said gripping the stirring wheel hard. The traffic was finally starting to move and Bansai gunned it, scrapping by cars, making Shinpachi OI from the back.
"YOU'RE GONNA GET US KILLED!" Shinpachi yelled. Bansai shrugged as he made it to his designation, swerving into a parking space. This caused Sougo to be flung out of the truck and smash into the car next to them.
"Whoops." Bansai said, turning off the truck. Everyone hopped out, Shinpachi tended to Sougo and threw him on top of Sadaharu.
"The mall?! Cool! We should buy the girliest clothes and dress this idiot up in them!" Kagura said, patting Sougo's head.
"This will be our biggest gig yet. I pulled some strings to get us in here." Bansai said, while playing a few chords. Matako face-palmed.
"Playing at the mall, we just might be able to gather a pre-teen fanbase." Takechi said, pondering. Matako fired bullets at him but he dodge. The 7 of them entered the store and looked around. It was one of the largest malls in all of Edo.
"Bansai-senpai, what kind of strings did you pull to get us here?" Matako asked, in awe. Bansai set his guitar case down behind the stage as they walked up to it.
"Sometimes, questions are better left unanswered." Bansai said, putting his headphones on. Matako looked disgusted and sat down on her equipment,
"You guys are on in 5." a stage hand said from the curtains.
"Let's do this, for feminism." Takechi said, sticking his hand out. The other two put their hands on top of his and gave a Banzai! They opened the curtains and set up rather quickly,
"ARE YOU READY EDO?!" Bansai yelled into the mic. The mall shoppers continued on their way, some stopping to watch, "Here we GO, 1 2 3 4!" he pulled out his electric guitar and went to town,
He dropped the guitar and grabbed the mic like he visualizes Shinsuke would grab Katsura,
"YOU REALLY GOT ME, YOU REALLY GOT ME!" the crowd was starting to get bigger as the three were nailing an absolute banging cover of Van Halen.
"Hey, these's guys are really good!" some audience members were getting into it. Bansai was sweating, belting out the guitar riffs and straining his voice. The other three were getting into it as well. Bansai ended the song with another solo and tossed the guitar down. The crowd erupted into applause.
"ALRIGHT, THIS NEXT ONE GOES OUT TO A VERY SPECIAL SOMEONE! 1, 2, 3, 4!"
The audience was clapping along and getting into it. The Exploding Feminist were jumping and getting into the song as much as the crowd. Shinpachi, Kagura, Sougo, and Sadaharu look down from the second floor in shock they were actually this good.
"What was holding these three back?" Shinpachi asked.
"Arf!" Sadaharu said, putting bandages on his face. Shinpachi gave a little Oi, but it wasn't worth it to Oi at a dog. The band was playing in the background, and it had distracted Yorozuya long enough that Sougo had escaped somewhere,
"Where did that idiot get off to?" Kagura asked but then she saw perhaps the funniest thing ever, she snickered and pointed, "Shinpachi, look!" Sougo was dangling from the second floor just above the stage.
"OII HE'S ABOUT TO FALL ON THE STAGE!" Shinpach and the other two ran to try and catch Sougo, but it was too late. Sougo fell directly through the stage as Exploding Feminism was setting up for an acoustic act. The three stared through the hole and saw Sougo give a thumbs up.
"THIS ONE IS FOR OUR FRIEND HERE!" the three played another set, gathering more audience members. Shinpachi Oi'd like an opera singer, but it was drowned out by crowd noise.
Bansai strummed the final note and the crowd erupted in cheers and threw money into Bansai's guitar case.
"Where can we get some Exploding Feminism merch?!"
"Where will you guys be next?!"
"When's the debut album!?" Bansai was at the verge of tears, he was finally getting that taste of stardom he had looked for.
"Stay tuned, AND GOOD NIGHT!" the lights went off and more applause was heard. The three sat down backstage and Matako was comforting Bansai who was near sobbing,
"We...we did it guys." Bansai looked up with a smile, tears running down his face. Takechi put his hand on his shoulder.
"I'm just as proud, proud for all of us." Takechi signaled for a group hug, Matako normally refused these, but today it was different. The three former Kihentai grouped together and hugged it out for their breakout performance.
"Who knows where we go from here?!" Matako said, looking up. The other two looked up in delight. Suddenly a man wearing a suit walked back stage and gave Bansai a handshake,
"Nice to meet you Kawakimi Bansai, I'm the man that's going to make you three into stars."
"Shouyou Sensei? You manage bands now? What don't you do?" Bansai asked, sealing the handshake.
"A man has to make a livin somehow." Shouyou said, taking out a piece of paper. "So, you sign this here, and we've got a big deal on our hands. We start pumping merch. You guys get 85% of the profits split up between you, and I take 15%, but I got a large percentage on ticket sales and other marketing, let's say 20% or so?" Sensei handed over the contract to Bansai. He looked down on it, Not What He Seems Records written in bold letters at the top.
"It's the best chance we have Bansai, plus he's closer to Shinsuke-sama than any of us, I think we can trust him." Matako said, Takechi nodded in agreement. Bansai also nodded and signed the dotted line.
Shouyou extended for another handshake to seal the deal,
"Pleasure doing business, Kawakimi Bansai!" The two brought in a hard handshake, but Bansai felt something strange about this handshake, it wasn't threatening, but he felt a slight chill run down his spine. "I'll be seeing you 3 at the NWHS Offices this Friday so we can get set up for our first show together!" Sensei said smiling. He vanished about as fast as he appeared. The three stood there in shock, excitement, and a flurry of other emotions.
1 week before the Dads invaded:
"Kamui, you can't keep staring out that window. Shinsuke is going to be fine, Mr. Bonestein opted to give him bone structure surgery." Abuto was at the helm of the ship, guiding the ship through planetary traffic.
"It's not about Shinsuke, Ossan. It's what he said. About all of us." Kamui went silent again and then finally turned to his second in command. "I feel real Abuto, you understand that, right?" Kamui asked. Abuto shrugged, but he had to give an answer,
"Of course Chief, I know that you are real, and I know that I'm real." No Man nodded in agreement to Abuto's sentiments.
"You're the realest dogs I know, and no one can take that from us." No Man said, manning his station. Kamui turned back to space. His expression had not changed, but it was refreshing to get his ego boosted a little. "You guys are very much real to me as well, even if one of you is half a man." Kamui was hit in the head with No Man's shoe from across the room. Kamui's face finally broke out into a small grin, "Yeah, very real."
"Kamui...we are in no shape to fight these men...they're too strong." Abuto said, huffing. No Man was able to support himself with his umbrella, but it wasn't enough as Ozu broke from the dads and kicked it out from under him. Ozu went in for a huge uppercut, connecting right in his sternum, No Man launched into the ceiling of the ship, blood dripping down from his mouth. Abuto and Kamui couldn't break focus, they kicked it into high gear. They dodged Ozu's attacks and blocked all of his follow ups. The two Yato were working in perfect harmony, battered and all.
"Abuto, you doubt yourself too much!" Kamui whirlwind kicked Ozu in the head, knocking him out cold. Abuto looked shocked that he knocked Ozu down that quickly, "I'm not fucking around today Big Bunny!" Kamui rushed into to Umibozu, throwing a barrage of punches. As that was happening, No Man finally fell from the ceiling and landed on top of Ozu. Umibozu was meeting Kamui blow for blow, blocking each shot. Gintoki stared dead-fish eyed at the Ossan.
"Come on Yorozuya, give me all you've got." Abuto said with a smirk. Gintoki drew his sword and came in slashing, Abuto matching the strikes with his umbrella. "Is this all you've got!?" Abuto knocked Gintoki back with a huge parry. The Ossan looked over at Kamui who was still throwing kicks and punches, he had long ditched his umbrella. Umibozu stood there, blocking each attack until he noticed a slight window where Kamui caught his breath. He grabbed his son by the arm and hip tossed him into the wall right next to Gendo. Gendo scurried away.
"I've got to stop them before they kill these Angels..." Gendo was thinking fast, using that smart brain of his. Kamui jumped back up to his feet, blood running down his entire body. Umibozu was caught off guard this time, he came back faster and angrier. The strikes were connecting with Baldy with precision.
"GET OFF MY SHIP! COME BACK WHEN YOU WANT TO ACT LIKE MY REAL FATHER SO I CAN KICK YOUR ASS HARDER!" Kamui landed more and more blows, but as he went for a big roundhouse kick, Umibozu picked his ankle and held him up in the air. Umibozu dropped Kamui and punted him like a football. Abuto watched helpless, but was caught by Gintoki with a blow to the side. Abuto was trying to block as best he could, but all the dust from the giant dust bin was hindering his breathing. Gintoki was laser focused, his strikes hitting with purpose. Each swing caused Abuto to wince and hunch over and eventually fall to the ground.
"Heh, come on Yorozuya, is that all you got? Did Joe fry your brain that much?" Gintoki went for what would have been a certain knock-out blow, but Abuto grabbed his sword and tossed it into the ceiling. Gintoki was caught surprised, and Abuto took the chance to land a huge blow with his umbrella. Abuto stood up and discarded his umbrella too. "If Chief doesn't need a weapon, neither should I." Abuto threw a huge punch, but Gintoki caught it and broke his arm off with a huge knee strike. Abuto looked down at his torn up, metallic arm in a mangle. He smirked and feigned a punch with his real arm, but actually went for a leg sweep that caught Gintoki. Abuto stomped on Gintoki's chest and bent down for a big blow to his face. Gintoki was hurting but managed to take the blow with stride as he grabbed Abuto's leg and shoved him off his body. Gintoki took up a martial arts pose and signaled Abuto to bring it.
"Come on BALDY! IS THAT ALL YOU REALLY HAVE?" Kamui recovered quickly from the punting and rushed at Umibozu trying to get more hits in on him, but his Papi was just too strong for the already weakened Kamui. Kamui's punches were getting groggy and Umibozu grabbed him by the scruff of his shirt and hoisted him in the air. Kamui was struggling but it was a feeble attempt. Just as Umibozu was about to deliver another devastating blow, Gendo stepped out from the shadows and got everyone's attention,
"Come on guys, when the world is in danger like this, we can't fight among ourselves, that only leads down the path of a Madao like myself." Gendo said in a Hasegawa impression, he had really done his research. Umibozu and Gintoki stopped what they were doing and looked up,
"HASEGAWA!!" They both ran over and gave him a hug.
"We thought you were dead...friend." Gintoki ran his fingers through his hair and Gendo shoved him off. Ozu and No Man were finally starting to stir. Ozu was laying into No Man, as he hadn't seen "Hasegawa" yet,
"Ozu! What the hell are you doing?" Umibozu ran over and picked up Ozu and placed him in front of "Hasegawa". Ozu's eyes snapped back to reality,
"Hasegawa..." Ozu gave him a big hug. "It has been...to long friend." The dad's spell had been broken. Gendo took off the disguise,
"This is the last time I save your sorry asses." Gendo said. Gintoki looked back at the battered Yato's laying around the ship, Abuto collapsed onto the ground and Kamui hadn't moved.
"O-oi...did we do this to them?" Gintoki asked, nervous. Gendo nodded. Gintoki brought Ozu and Umibozu in close, "Let's bounce, I don't want them to recover and kill us, literally." Gintoki suggested. Ozu and Umibozu agreed and the 4 dads hopped into an escape pod and high-tailed it out of there. The ship crash landed in front of The Large Ice Cream Emporium, violently shaking the whole building,
"You almost made me spill Sensei's ice cream. Genos will remember this." He stored it in his memory bank.
"Joe you can't..." Takasugi was crawling, but Joe stomped on his fingers.
"You can't stop me. You never could. You never will." Joe turned his back to the two samurai who laid in a heap next to each other. Katsura was trying to get to his feet with his sword, but was slipping and falling to the dirt.
"Don't Katsura, don't strain yourself too much." Takasugi said, Joe turned back to them, forming a sharp metal blade with his arm.
"There's just one person in my way, don't interfere." Joe said in a commanding voice. The two looked on determined, willing to stop him at any cost. Joe walked along the edges of the dojo, scratching his blade against the wall. The screeching sound from the concrete meeting the blade was ear piercing, but Joe was un-phased. "Come out, I know you're teaching a VERY important lesson in there." Joe pushed the blade even further into the wall, causing a visible crack to run through it. "I CAN'T GET WHAT I WANT UNTIL YOU ARE OUT OF MY WAY!"
"You were unwise to come here Joe."
"Finally, you are the finally obstacle, hahaha...give me all you've got." Joe ripped the blade out of the wall, causing it to crumble to rubble. Sensei stood up from the field he was sitting in and drew out his katana.
"If it is Steve you want, I cannot let you cut him down. His fate is still in your hands, but you cannot re-write history. I cannot let you change your destiny."
Joe's laughter grew more as the two stood across from each other. Flowers were in bloom and the spring air was making petals fly around them.
"I'll give you a fair fight "Sensei", I won't use my notebook. I'll only use this blade I've crafted. Sound fair?" Sensei smiled,
"Fair enough to me." Sensei said, taking his stance. The two stood there for a brief second, the wind going through their hair. Joe started to run in first, while Shouyou stood his ground. Joe came in slashing, but was met with a blade each time. Sensei started to go for a few strikes, but Joe blocked those two. They broke away for a bit and stared each other down.
"You're not half bad. I'm guess that large diabetic man taught you well." Joe's gazed narrowed at this comment,
"How are you aware of the future...how do you know of me and Brimley?" Joe asked, circling Shouyou.
"Telling you that would only give you more power. My only mission is to stop you." Sensei turned his blade and went for a vertical slice. Joe blocked it above his head, and kicked Shouyou back.
"Just give me Steve, and I will leave your students alone. I know he is bound to come here at any moment. If necessary, I will use extra force to get what I want." Joe said, looking at his metal arm. Sensei simply smiled,
"So, you're just going to break our agreement just like that? That's fine." Shouyou went in for more strikes, this time catching Joe off guard,
'Damn he's fast!' Joe was trying to block some of the strikes, but a few hit his real arm and his cheek. Blood was soaking his sweater and dripping from his face. Sensei slashed his blade and stained the field with Joe's blood.
"I can spill more of your blood to protect the future. Protecting my future." Sensei went in for another slash, but Joe dipped it and sliced at Shouyou's knee. He hit his right knee and staggered to the ground. Joe knew this was a turning point in the battle, he had to finish it. Joe stood over the wounded Shouyou.
"Send your regards to Steve for me." Joe rose his hand up to go for his throat, but a sword stabbed right through his blade from behind him,
"I can't let you take out my Sensei..." Joe took the blade out of his arm and turned around to see that Shinsuke had crawled all the way over to them. Joe stared down at him with fury in his eyes,
"I....TOLD you to stay out of this.." Joe was shaking with anger. His plan was falling apart. Shinsuke looked past Joe and saw Shouyou smiling. Joe kicked the sword out of Shinsuke's hands. He started to walk over to Shinsuke but Shouyou grabbed Joe by his ankle. Joe quickly turned to slash at Sensei again, but Sensei also threw a swing and broke Joe's arm in half, sparks flying out of the mangled metal. "DAMN IT!" Joe looked inside of his arm and saw the notepad was damaged. But, as Joe thought his luck was running out, Sensei's blade readying for another strike, he saw him. Steve. Joe's eyes loved it, he knew this was his only shot. Steve was coming out of the skadoo'ing portal. Shinsuke and Sensei noticed this too and tried to stop Joe, but it was too late. Joe detached the last piece of his blade and slung it at Steve. His aim, as if it was by fate alone, was a deadeye shot. He hit the child right in the forehead, knocking him to the Earth.
"YES! YES! I DID IT!" Joe, Shinsuke, and Katsura began to faze out of the past. Sensei laid there in the grass, the wound on his knee still present.
"It's still not your destiny...it will never be yours."
Episode 8 (Final Episode) Written by: Cha, Date: December 17th, 2017
Joe felt the sensation of being surrounded by a large body of water. His fingers grasp the wet sand of the shore as he raised his head up to look around at the sunset environment.
“Beach.. eh.. must be where I was before we teleported.” He stood up and looked at his broken cyborg arm that floated ashore before he did.
“Tfft, that Shouyou will be rotting in hell the next time I see him.” He walked a few steps. “Well, might as check back home. I guess ol' Willy didn't make it to this new life.”
His heart started to race, bursting with endless new questions. In this new time frame would She be alive? Maybe he could try speaking out to the audience for some help regarding this.
He broke free of his grumbling state, cleared his throat and let out his best Hi out there! But nothing. He started to shake intensely. “OH I know! They must be waiting for me outside this damn book. That’s right. Blue ska-dooed we can too!” He closed his eyes ready to teleport but
“WHAT THE HELL?! GRRAHHAAAAHHH!” He started to pant heavily and angrily but gained a better control of himself. “Oh no matter! Guess I’ll just explore this new future of mine anyways for now! Haha!”
All he needed to do was find a ship or pod to get back to Edo at least. Suddenly he felt a shooting pain in his thigh, he briskly turned around to see limping Katsura had stabbed him there with Shinsuke’s sword.
“Oh you gotta be kidding me. Shouldn’t have your leg gun wound bleed you out by now?” Joe threw some punches at him but he dodged. “What? Not gonna even speak to ol' Joey now?”
“Changed world or not.. I am not gonna let you be able to get away with it, Joe. Even if we’re the last three who remember it in the entire world." Katsura panted out, woozy from his blood lost.
“More like YOUR world buddy.” Joe caught him off guard and made a punch to his jaw. Katsura tried to do one of his own but Joe did it several times again, knocking him down. Joe felt someone else grab his ankle. He couldn’t help but uproar at Takasugi crawling to him, leaving a trail of blood behind from his wounded spine.
“You know, two eyes would have really helped you better. Joe grabbed his squirmy body by his kimono jacket. Katsura grabbed Joe by the waist to make him stop but Joe simply kicked his head into an ocean rock several times, leaving him with a bleeding head injury. Shinsuke kicked and tried to punch him but Joe grabbed Shinsuke’s sword on the ground. He put it behind his head and went full force, stabbing Takasugi's in his good eye. It popped instantly.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” Shinsuke screamed in pain, some level of physical torture he hadn’t felt in many years. He held his bleeding eye hole as it sprung blood out like a sprinkler.
“SHINSUUUKEE!!!!!” Katsura screamed out at the top of his lungs, coming in and out of consciousness. He reached his hand out in the sky to grab Joe and he got up to his feet. “I’LL KILL YOU! I WILL!”
“Now now. You can have your husband. He’s no fun when he's just a blindy now!” Joe dropped Shinsuke, leaving Katsura to run after him but Joe lashed out to get his almost broken cyborg arm. He shot both of them with it in one clean swipe in their chests.They fell completely on the sand, Joe standing over them.
“This is not the smiling baby Joe Steve let me visit and baby sit... about a few times as a kid..” Takasugi whispered very quietly. “You should have killed me in that dungeon of yours... the first time...if you hated me so....”
“We’re not all the same as when we’re babies! I should know, I’ve sung songs about that!” Joe said chipper.
“There’s no.....point in arguing now....that you’ve almost killed us.. You know what’s wrong and right, don’t you?” Katsura mustered up to speak, him constantly losing consciousness.
“Shinny....boo, keep awake okay?” Takasugi asked.
“No I’m....Honey-chan.....you’re Shinny Boo...”
They both made little smiles. Much to Joe’s distaste he begun to shake violently.
“YOU...FUCKING...IDIOTS RUINED MY EVERYTHING FOR ME.” Joe was losing his cool.
"No you ruined it.. You fucking idiot." Takasugi said.
“YOU AND THAT DAMN TOSHI. WHAT GIVES YOU A RIGHT TO BE THIS HAPPY?! I’VE ALMOST KILLED YOU!”
“We know how it feels.. we lost our Sensei and became bitter terrorists ourselves.. well more so me..” Shinsuke felt Katsura’s face on his as they shared the rest of their bodies warmth left. Joe’s fists clutched at the word of Sensei.
“But..life moves on Joe.. you find new people to love and care for you as you remember those other ones too..” Zura coughed loudly up blood.
“I can’t see....you anymore Katsura.. how are you doing, Honey?” Takasugi said, his voice almost unaudible and his eye socket still bleeding out as he had both his eyes shut now.
“I’m going blind myself... but happy....smiling... that you went to Gintoki’s Popularity Poll party, Shinny Boo... I love you.. how are you..?”
“Smiling... the happiest I’ve could have ever been...I love you too.” Takasugi cried.
Tearing up Katsura went in to kiss his him one last time, Shinsuke joining in the embrace. They stopped a few seconds later to catch whatever breath they had left.
“When will you smile again Joe?” The both said, holding each other together the closest they could do.
“I AM SMILING.” Joe put on his creepy grin again, as the two’s breathing grew quieter and quieter. Joe started to tremble intensely. “I AM.. FUCKING.. SMILING!!........................RAAAAAAAAHH!"
Joe kicked them severval times, guts could be physically seen coming out of their heads and stomachs now. He kicked sand over the carcasses and continued limping on from his leg injury. He looked back for a brief moment, the two lovers’ bodies were vanishing away into thin air.
“Must be because of their other future selves being in this time frame. Guess I’ll have to kill my other self if I run into him.” He chuckled, holding Takasugi's bloody katana blade over his shoulder.
"When I get there I'll..." He was starting to think of getting directions from other people. But he hated even the thought of having to have the time to talk to someone right now. "Maybe this arm still has a bit more juice in it."
He begun imagining being transported to Edo, within a few seconds it surprisingly worked. Covered in a bloody, wounded leg and broken arm, he made sure to stay out of sight from other citizens. Less they cause him commotion or possibly even still recognize him, if that was even possible.
"I'm fucking coming for your heads next Edo... All of them this time.." Joe tried to power up his cyborg arm, much to his failure. In anger he took out his Gintama magazine he still had in his pocket as it hit him. Although he wasn't sure that it would do any damage considering how he was just a left over part of an alternate present, maybe it was able to tear the world apart, literally. Joe begun pacing back in fourth, thinking about every possibility in that alley he hid himself in.
He had to figure a way back to his world, for somehow he couldn't ska'doo. Was it possible because this wasn't his present day that the world just didn't notice him? Were all his powers hindered? He suddenly felt the clasp of a hand on his shoulder behind him. He quickly turned back to see none other than the Demon Vice-Chief himself, causing Joe to let his creepy grin.
"Oi buddy, what are you doing just pacing around in here?" Hijikata asked.
"Sorry about that! Name's Joe! Was wondering if you humble cops could give me a lift back to my place? Kinda hard to drive sometimes with one disabling arm."
"Joe.. THE Joe?" Hijikata looked in shock. "Y-you haven't appeared here in years..."
"Hm, in a bad way?" He smiled, the two started walking back to his cop car.
"No, you just check up on this world maybe every half year but you just leave. You haven't showed up for a while though. But you know all that anyways." Hijikata stopped looking at him in the eye as if it was a gloomy subject to talk about.
Check up on the world..? What was this alternative present day Joe doing? Joe had to keep going on, maybe this green haired bastard might be some use to him anyways if he could find this other Joe or escape their world somehow.
"What happened to the other arm? Might I ask.." Hijikata got into the driver's seat, Joe taking the back seat as Sougo sat in shotgun, putting his arms on the back of his head on the seat's head rest. Toshi start up the car and they hightailed into the city.
"Oh let's just say I ska-dooed into too many worlds I shouldn't have." He chuckled, grabbing his arm nub.
"How come you came to Edo then out of the random then?" Sougo spoke up.
"Having some trouble ska-dooing back into my world! You know the issues with these Gintama books and these sort of things. " Joe smirked, knowing he just leaked vital information.
"Books..?" But before Hijikata could process this, he almost hit a jaywalker who was a mere few inches away. "OI! WATCH WE'RE YOU'RE GOING!"
"WATCH WE'RE YOU'RE GOING YOU V-HAIR SHAPED IDIOT!" The perm head collected his nudey books he dropped on the floor and grudgingly walked on.
"That 4th wall guy...." It hit Joe, he opened up the police window and waved his hand out. "Odd Jobs... Say Odd Jobs! Would you like to take a ride with us? I could need your help on something!"
"Sorry, but I don't take cab rides in some mayonnaise smelling hunk of junk on wheels." He waved off.
"I'll make it your weight in money!" Joe offered. Gintoki sped back as fast as if he was an Olympic Jaywalker. He joined in the back seat, much to Hijikata's detest.
"Oi so what do I have to do.." Gintoki buckled up his seat and then his eyes met with Joe's.
"Amazing, does he recognize me for who I really am..? Is his 4th power that strong?" Joe thought to himself but was prepared for if the man would want to fight against him.
"OI. WHAT IS THIS. WHY DOES THIS GUY LOOK SO 3-D-ISH?!" Gintoki backed up all the way to his side of the backseat.
"That's the thing that bothers you?!" Joe thought but then laughed a little for no one had ever wondered that before at least.
"Oi, don't speak like that Odd Jobs. Joe's a guardian of our world." Hijikata kept his face to the road.
"Hijikata-san, I'm pretty sure he's just a realistic looking guy." Sougo slapped on his sleeping mask and begun to zone out.
"Guardian?" Gintoki asked, he was still backed in the corner.
"Some rumor Hijikata believes about a flying man who comes into the citizens of Edo's bedrooms at night and watches over them." Sleeping Sougo commented.
"It's not a rumor Sougo. AND HE DOESN'T DO THAT! Aren't you suppose to be sleeping anyways? But yeah Joe does appears here every couple months to check up on us. Or use to at least. I knew his brother Steve a long time ago before.." Hijikata clutched his heart but straightened himself up. He adjusted the back view mirror and saw Joe let out a huge smile. Something about it made the police man tremble a bit but he wasn't sure why.
"Man.. this guy looks creepy..." Gintoki said not so quietly.
"You don't know the half of it... Pal..." Joe said right in his face, putting his hand on his shoulder.
"O-OI!! Gintoki tried to open up the doors but they were locked, Joe simply laughed again.
They eventually arrived to the Shinsengumi police station where Sougo headed to go schleep- he means work. The other three stood outside of the building.
“So what do you need my help for?” Gintoki picked his nose and whiped it on Hijikata’s jacket, the police officer smacked him upside the head.
“I’ve heard from.. people that you possess amazing 4th wall powers, correct?” Joe said eagerly.
“4th what..” Gintoki said boredly.
“4th wall! You know, talking to the camera..?” Joe said fishing around so he’d get it.
“Look buddy, I’m not sure how much I can help you out here. Look, I’m getting so confused that the readers are started scratch their heads.” Gintoki said.
“THERE! THERE IT IS! You acknowledged the readers! Teach me to enough of that so I can escap- I mean become a pro!” Joe said.
“Okay.. but I gotta warn you. It goes in and out depending if I need to be conscious of my fictional existence according to the writers and your plan for taking over this world.” Gintoki said and Joe was in absolute shock. “Wait what were we talking about?”
“4th wall..” Joe groaned.
“Never heard of it.”
Smiling Joe reached out for his cyborg arm, only to remember it was no longer working. He tossed it away. “You crack me up, Gintoki!”
“How do you know my name?” Gintoki squinted.
“Uh, the 4th wall..?” Joe awkwardly said.
“Sounds good enough to me.” Gintoki shrugged. “Okay, I’ll train with you once a month.” Joe gave him a scary smile. “Once every two weeks...”. Another smile. “Once every week..” Another. “OKAY ONCE A DAY! But not anymore! I can’t have you sleeping by my side now, can I?”
“Perfect! See you in the morning, Odd Jobs!” Joe waved as grudgingly Gin walked off from the police station.
“You better have a large wad of money with you.” Gin added.
“Oi Odd Jobs, Joe told me in the car he has no where to go for now. And since it wouldn’t look right to have him live here..” Hijikata added and Gin instantly whipped around.
“NO! I draw the line at teaching him every day!” Gintoki yelled out.
“Are you sure about that...” He let out a even more terrifying look.
“S-SLEEP ON MY COUCH IF YOU WANT! MY BED EVEN IF YOU WANT, Ol’ JOEY BOY! HAHA!” Gintoki ran up to him and gave him a big pat on the 3-D back.
“Kagura! Shinpachi! I’m home.” Gintoki took off his boots with his feet threw them up against the wall.
“Gin-san, you said you’d be back in an hour.” Shinpachi entered the room, causing Joe to gasp excitedly. He hadn’t seen him directly since he kidnapped him and Hijikata.
“So I went out for three hours, so what.” Gintoki walked down the hallway cleaning out his ear, Joe close behind him.
“YOU WERE GONE FOR 3 DAYS!” Shinpachi barked.
“Man’s got have some space for quality reading time.”
Gintoki held his plastic bag of magazines behind him, trying to hide them behind his leg before Shinpachi saw. But the glasses kid already knew they would be porn and he looked dead at him. Shinpachi then gave a confused glare to the person behind his boss.
“Uhh, who’s that?” He asked.
“Oh Joe boy, he’s an Odd Job I’m working personally on. He’s gonna crash here for a bit I guess.” Gintoki went to the living room and flopped onto the couch. Shinpachi still looked very confused but turned to Joe.
“So what job is Gin-san doing for you then?”
“Oh he’s helping me with my 4th wall powers.” Joe smiled. “It’s something my big brother was skilled at and I thought I’d take a better whack at!”
“Oh..” Shinpachi awkwardly walked away. “Well, I hope to be of use to you during your stay here.”
“Oh believe me kid, you will.” He smiled, making the teenager even more uneasy. Suddenly Kagura came out riding on top of her running dog.
“MOVE OUT OF THE WAAAAAY! SADAHARU’S GOTTA DUMP A BIG ONE!”
Joe and Shinpachi leaped out of the way, Kagura and Sadaharu broke into the fromt paper door, causing it to fall off.
“DAMMIT THAT BETTER NOT BE WHAT I THOUGHT I JUST HEARD!” Gintoki barked from the other room. She came back in a few seconds later.
“Here you go, Shinpachi!” Kagura placed the huge dirty doggy bag in his hands, he looked ill to his stomach.
“YIKES! Who’s the 3-D looking guy?!” Kagura shouted.
“Hey, be nice. That’s Joe. Gin-san’s client who he’s gonna help out with personally and is gonna stay here for a while.” Shinpachi said and then leaned into her. “It’s really weird, something about learning 4th wall powers or something..”
“Must got a screw loose in that bowl shaped haircut of his, eh?” Kagura said smug.
“Lovely Odd Jobs! I didn’t know you had two children!” Joe called out to a sleeping Gintoki. Joe had clearly listened to their whispering and they sweatdropped at the creepy looking guy. Sadaharu trotting back in and immediately starting growling at Joe.
“Now Sadaharu behave! This is our new guest, even if he came out of no where!” She tried holding him back.
“What a nice dog! You know, I really have a thing for them!” He smiled, petting the top of his head but he tried snapping at him. “Ah ah ah! I already lost an arm, buddy.” He chuckled.
Joe had worked on his skills for 4 hours that day with Gintoki, he got quite the short temper with him but did his best to conceal it. It had been three months since he started living at Odd Jobs. And he was more than impatient. He didn’t know how much longer until Gintoki would get wise and realize he’s broke. Kagura and Shinpachi were very cautious towards him at first. Leaving him out on their day to day activites. But have finally eased up to him a little bit, at least.
Joe had seen the Shinsengumi regularly, at Hijikata’s request suprisingly. The Vice Chief had invited him to several dinners with the rest of the cops. Joe had joined them, as he knew infiltrating his trust and becoming his friend would make the wound hurt even more so when Joe would destroy their world later.
The man was now walking down the streets of Edo, as if he was a regular citizen. How much longer until he had the skill to transport back home and destroy this forsaken book? Sure he could hold one of them hostage until another portal opened up like last time. But that portal wouldn’t necessarily lead to his world. He needed to have his powers back anyways.
“Oh Wilford, if you were here you’d have a Plan B like always.” He chuckled. He saw Hijikata standing outside a shop.
“Oh hey, Toshi.” He waved to him, Hijikata gave a little wave back. “What brings you here?”
“One of my men are holding out on a strike after inspecting for two months straight. Damn guy has really lost his marbles this time.” Hijikata tssked.
“ANAPAN SPARKING YOU! ANAPAN SPARKING HIM!” Yamazaki threw a bunch of the desserts at his fellow police men, they hurried away with each bombing.
“Might be wise to call in that Big Blue guy eh?” Joe chuckled.
“Who?” Hijikata questioned.
“Oh yeah right.” Joe had just remembered that Steve didn’t get his Kappa Mikey DVD until many years later. Or the Neon Genesis Evangelion or the One Punch Man books or all of that..And since his brother hadn’t lived past childhood.... Joe grinned. “Never mind!”
“Uh, Joe. Can I talk to you privately?” Hijikata requested, Joe let out a grin.
“You know.. Uh it’s been really nice having you around again. I know you hadn’t visit in years here prior and we were never close but..” Hijikata looked into his eyes, he looked so much like Steve... it choked him up.
“I get it buddy, I’ve been enjoying our time together too.” Joe said.
“So uh I, think of you as a friend Joe...” He placed an uneasy hand on him. “I would like to spend more time together.”
Joe was surprised, invited for dinner was one thing but he actually got the backing of this man? This man who he despised with every once of himself?
“I do too, Toshi.” Joe sinsterly smiled, giving him a hearty pat on the back. Hijikata grabbed onto him giving him a big hug. Joe was surprised once again.
One year later...
"Wait. I need the practice today." Joe detested as Gintoki begun putting his boots on and exiting the door with the other two.
"Well unlike you, we have a job to do." Gintoki picked his nose. "And we're waiting for that big fat money stack you promised us for endless months."
"Well about that... I'm kinda br-"
"WHAT?!!" Gintoki had to be held back by Shinpachi at this. Although all three of them were visibly pissed off. "MAYBE THAT BOWL HAIR CUT OF YOURS COULD BE USED AS GAGGER WHEN WE DUMP YOUR BODY IN THE OCEAN!" Gintoki yelled but Joe chuckled once again.
"Why don't you come with us on the job today? Make some use of that bowl head of yours for once!" Kagura asked as the other two Odd Jobs looked surprised. “Come on Joe-chan!” She grabbed his hand with the grip of a million yatos along with Gintoki and Shinpachi’s and rushed outside the door. They all got on Gintoki's motorcycle for a group shot as the wind went through their hair, rushing along Edo in a late 2018 afternoon.
They arrived at a park's pond and got out some items.
“So what do I do on this Odd Job?” Joe looked puzzled as he held the net.
“Well today we we gonna catch Miss Takashashi’s pet frog named Jamchi. Third time this week he’s gotten out.” Shinpachi said, looking at an organized clipboard.
“How exciting..” Joe rolled his eyes but smirked.
“Oi, there he is! Up on that giant pond rock!” Kagura pointed to him.
“I got this!” Gintoki ran to the frog but Kagura caught up to him.
“No! Jamchi-chan will fall to his death, Gin-chan!” She grabbed onto his arm and started tugging it tight.
“Well he’s gonna jump off anyways! Would be better to sneak around and grab the little blue slime ball!” Gintoki reasoned but she still was holding him back.
“LOOK!” Shinpachi pointed to the sky as the frog was jumping off the super high rock in slow motion.
“JAAAAMMMCHIIIII-CHAAAAAN!” The three of them yelled out.
Joe shrugged and as he did so, the frog came landing in the palm of his hand.
“You did it Joe-san!” Shinpachi praised him. Gintoki and Kagura came running up to the two.
“Jamchi-chan you’re safe! The big bad old perm head tried to frighten you to death!” Kagura said as Gintoki looked at her evily.
“Hm, he is kind of cute and that color on his skin is pretty unique! Looks like periwink-“ Joe looked grim and handed the frog back to Gintoki. “I’m ready to go home now.
“Sure, right after we drop this lil’ guy off.” Shinpachi smiled at the frog and it lanched onto his face, he let out a big OI.
“Be careful Shinpachi! Those colorful frogs are known for their posion!” Kagura shouted.
“OI WHAT?!” He barked as the frog was crawling all over his eyes with his scratchy little feet.
“We were hoping you’d be the one to catch it, Pachi-Boy.” Gintoki reasoned and nodded.
Gintoki, Kagura and even Joe started laughing at Shinpachi's freaking out. Before Shin could yell his glasses ass off though, the scene transitioned into a later time. The gang were walking their way home after giving back Jamchi to his owner. Shinpachi was seen with band aids all over him from getting shots at the hospital for poison and rubbed his poor face.
“Pfft.” Gintoki rolled his eyes as he saw Hijikata about to pass them on the street. Hijikata tssked and rolled his eyes too.
“Oh hey Joe, are we on for that movie tomorrow?” Hijikata smirked.
“You bet, Toshi!” Joe smiled as Hijikata continued walking. It felt odd though, a chill went down his spine from the moment he uttered it. In some twisted and complicated way it felt like he had actually said it kind of genuinely.
"Joe-chan, I wanted to give you this!" Kagura handed him a plastic bag that smelled awfully.
"Er... what?" He held up the rotting bag of Sadaharu's waste.
"It's a memory! From the first time we all four met!" Kagura smiled holding onto his arm, Joe let out a smile too. But in this time it was a involuntarily and warm smile. That feeling absolutely scared him. He switched back into a neutral face.
Joe had his eyes closed on the couch at home. The rest of the Odd Jobs surrounded him, also passed out. He actually joined them for a lovely hot pot dinner for once, of course the usual fighting over pieces of food shenanigans happened with them. But he found it was actually tasty and the warm kotatsu felt somewhat comforting.
“What...am I doing... I’ve clearly mastered the 4th wall technique for a while now...”
Joe thought to himself, he tried to get up but Kagura and Shinpachi were snuggling on his arm. Joe started to tremble intensely. He knew that this was enough. Tomorrow he would go back to his own world to destroy this paper bind world... back to the audience finally talking to him again.. back to her.. Her.. that incredible creature he adored like no other.
“That was a fantastic movie.” Hijikata said. The two were walking out of a theater, it was night time and the cool air of late 2018 felt good.
“Who knew Kraft would make a movie soley based on just one of their condiments.” Joe chuckled.
“Not just any of their condiments, THE only condiment, mayonnaise.” Hijikata squeezed onto his stuffed mayo bottle toy in delight.
“Say Toshi, I hope you don’t mind. But I was willing to get a drink before I hit the road back to Odd Jobs’ place.” He rubbed his hand on the back of his head playfully.
“Not at all. Would some sake at my place be alright? I’m not really one for drinking at bars.” Hijikata asked.
“Sounds perfect.” He smiled back.
The two sat down in Hijikata’s sleeping quarters inside the Shinsengumi station. Hijikata pulled out a bottle and two cups.
“That’s funny, I never thought I’d be entertaining guests ever.” Hijikata chuckled.
This was unlike Joe had ever seen, usually the Demon Vice Chief was so hard headed and straight faced before the year that Joe got to know him intimately, unlike. With who had he seen him act like this before?
“Well there’s a first time for everything!” Joe smiled.
“Say Joe? Can I ask something a bit personal? Hijikata looked at him in the eyes.
“Do you like it here in Edo?”
“Well the food ain’t too shabby here.” Joe chuckled and drank some of his sake.
“That’s good. I know you made some friends here already since the last year... Pardon for another personal question but... Do you think you’re gonna stay here a bit longer?” Hijikata looked down at the ground and back to him. This man was genuinely gonna miss him. The most stubborn and incredibly tough as nails officer. Maybe Joe wouldn't need to use his katana tonight he hid under his shirt, maybe he could wait a bit longer to kill Hijikata...
“Who knows! We’ll see.” Joe replied. "Those Odd Jobs need all the help they can get." He chuckled.
“That’s good. I know it’s been a hard life for you with everything you loss and all.” Hijikata took out a cigarette and lit it up. Joe tried to keep his false smile. “Can’t say I hadn’t been in the same boat.” Hijikata took a puff.
“You were an orphan, correct? So I've heard.” Joe said although he already knew the answer from Steve.
“Well if you can say that. I still had some family by my side.” Hijikata got lost in thought.
“Older brother maybe?” Joe chuckled.
“Exactly that." He replied and Joe looked surprised.
"They are a gift, I was lucky enough to know your brother before I found him in a puddle of..” Hijikata came to his senses. “I’m very sorry about mentioning that even.”
“Some more sake?” Smiling Joe offered, he didn't like the sound of Hijikata's words though but shrugged it off.
“Sure I guess, why not.” He put out his cup but the bottle was empty when Joe tried to pour it.
“Oops.” Joe said, Hijikata started to get up but Joe stuck out his hand “Nah, it’s okay I got it.
“Okay, it’s by the third shelf to the right.” Hijikata said.
“Okay I got it!” Joe pulled it out and examined it.
“Thanks kindly, Steve.” Hijikata said but then corrected himself. “Oops, I mean Joe. Haha.”
Joe who was standing over to the police officer begun to shake like a leaf and he dropped the bottle, breaking it into pieces.
“What did you just call me...”
Before Hijikata had time to think, he felt the warm, shooting pain of something in his back.
"J-J-Joe...w-why...I trusted you.. I cared for you so much..."
Before Joe realized it himself, he was rushing out of the police station, clutching Takasugi’s katana blade. He could hear Chief Kondo in an uproar of emotions, followed by other frantic and yelling voices of the other members. Joe knew they knew that he had come to spend time with Toshi, as it was rare the Vice-Chief displayed hospitality. Joe could have easily teleported to the next world. But he wasn’t sure why he started to run instead. He was in a flurry of rushing adrenaline emotions. Sirens begun to cloud up the night sky with their blaring sounds. It was pouring raining outside and he had tripped in a mud puddle while hiding in an alley.
He looked up to see Gintoki, Kagura and Shinpachi above him with their umbrellas.
“W-what are you guys doing here.” He stumbled his way to his feet.
“You didn’t come home for hours Joe-chan, we thought that police man had eaten you up slathered in mayonnaise.” Kagura nodded.
“What’s going on Joe-san?” Shinpachi asked.
Joe thought hard for a few seconds on what his decision to tell them would be. He decided to get irritated. He stabbed Shinpachi to the ground, causing him to bleed out the mouth and his heart stopped.
“Don’t ask adults what they’re doing in the middle of the night, kid”. Joe said grimly.
“S-S-SHINPACHI-KUNNNNNNN!” Kagura screamed and rushed to the floor and rested his head on her lap.
“OI! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!” Gintoki yelled.
"Shin..." Joe said and had ran off though but he knew that silver haired samurai would be close on tail at him. Although he would have punched and killed anyone was Joe being so careless today? Having that man chase after him would not be helpful.
“Well it’s better to try your 4th wall trick now or never, Odd Jobs.... Blue ska-dooed we can too!” Joe felt the sensation of him fading from that world. “YES... YEEEESSS!!!! IT’S WORKING!!!!!!!”
He landed outside his old house, it was night time outside. He barged open the door.
“Steve my boy! We-“ Joe stepped on the salt shaker and used Side Table drawer to kill the others. He wasn’t messing around this time.
“Blue?! Blue!!” Joe frantically called out to. “Honey?! Joe’s here for you, finally!”
He looked through the dark hallway and inside each room before heading to his. He saw a big blanket inside Blue’s doggy bed. Joe got super excited. “B-Blue?! Honey?! Is that..” He ripped off the cover and saw her asleep just like she always had been!
“B-BLUE!!!!” He yelled happily. He picked up the puppy and placed her in his warm arms. “Blue I’m so happy I-“
His heart sunk. She had no pulse.
He begun slicing up the entire room with the katana in a fit of rage. “WHO KILLED HER!? WHO FUCKING DID THIS TO HER?!!” Joe ran to Steve’s book collection and skimmed his blood soaken fingers across the binds of each of them before finding a copy of the Gintama magazine.
“PREPARE FOR THE WORST MOMENTS OF YOUR LIFE, YOU TRAITORS!” Joe held the book up for him to tear up. “YOU DID THIS TO BLUE ALL OF YOU!” Before he could tear it completely down though felt something in his stomach.
“S...St..” He was frozen in fear. “Y-Y-YOU’RE SUPPOSE TO BE DEAD!” Joe looked down at his stomach, a sword inside it.
“My dear younger brother. You killed me in the TBCiverse, not our own world.” Steve told him. The two of them still not seeing each other face to face.
“H-how were you not affected by the time frame change?!” He coughed up blood.
“Joe.. You killed my students. I know you would the second you got back to your own time.” Another man behind him said.
“Shouyou..” Joe coughed up again. “Well it seems like you two can just have your laugh at the end of the day, huh? Killing our puppy and then your dear brother.”
“I didn’t stab you Joe.” Steve said grimly, yet another person came up.
“You killed my older brother, Joe. You killed him as poor child. He was so weak he was even unable to recover in this universe.” Joe from this current time frame stared him down.
“Other time Joe.. I should have known I’d be the only one to kill myself. First Steve killing OUR PUPPY AND NOW THIS. Joe scoffed.
“No Joe, YOU killed Blue with your rubbing off depression. WE killed her because our emotional instability. She worried about us so much every day that she finally collasped. YOU know that, I know that. But you never told your Steve, did you?” The Other Joe said.
Steve looked dark but sighed out forgivingly. “That may be the most innocent death you’ve caused."
"SHUT UP... I-I’M DYING AND THAT’S ALL YOU IDIOT CAN SAY?!” Joe yelled
“I didn't stab you either though Joe..." The other Joe said.
"Joe. Enough was enough."
Joe eyes became wide open when he heard the familiar voice. He zipped back around to see for the first time Steve, Shouyou, his other self and then..
Joe puffed out losing more and more breath. "HOW WERE YOU ALL ABLE TO FIND ME ANYWAYS?!
Suddenly a silver haired man slammed open the door, he ran up yelling with his katana blade but stopped the moment he saw Shouyou.
“S...S...” Gintoki started to run towards Joe anyways but Shouyou but his hand up for him to hault. He did so obeyingly.
"I told them Joe. I gave Steve and Wilford temporally the same powers I possess to finally put a stop to your terror. I found the other Joe here and told him as well." Shouyou commented.
"Y-you're.... S...S...Se......" Gintoki managed to utter out, shaking and bursting into tears. Shouyou walked up to him, shushed him and smiled, rubbing his hand on his back lovingly. He looked at his crying student through the eyes he once saw him as.
"You know you didn't have to spend that long with Toshi.. Or Gintoki.. or any of them... you chose to stay a year, my silly little brother." Steve said.
"YOU... DON'T... KNOW MY INTENTIONS...THOSE TWO HIJIKATA AND TAKASUGI.. " Joe violently shook out.
”Yes?” Steve asked.
”T-THEY RUINED MY RELATIONSHIP...”
”with Blue?”” Steve asked again.
“NO WITH YOU YOU IDIOT. YOU WERE ALWAYS SPENDING ALL YOUR TIME WITH THAT TOSHI ESPECIALLY YOUR WHOLE LIFE. DIDN’T YOU EVER THINK OF ME?” Joe’s head fell to the floor. Steve looking sobberly.
”Joe.. I’m sorry. All that time I never realized I was the selfish one. After mom and dad died I just guess I became some what of a recluse. I’m so.. damn sorry.” Steve started crying.
"I waited... WE waited this long year just to see you gain a true friendship.. I needed to see the real Joe again, the one I knew when you and Steve were kids." Wilford commented. "I'm tired of fighting Joe."
Joe dropped the almost torn book and begun crying. He tried reaching for it again to tear it up but was stabbed by Steve this time.
"You never learn little idiot brother, do you? You never learn how much people could possibly love you if you had let them, how much I loved you...
How much I still love you..." Steve handed him back the book.
"WH-WHAT ARE YOU DOING-" Gintoki called out.
Joe tried frantically putting back the tears of the pages together so the book was normal again. "N-NO.. Please don't let them be gone from me.. I've lost enough... I've destroyed enough.." Joe started to blubber out now and his coughing getting heavier from the impalement.
"Maybe let's think think think of a better future for us both. Maybe in this new future of ours, we can be together. As brothers for a change. All us characters can." Steve got on the floor next to him as Joe nodded in agreement.
"B-Blue...?" Joe rubbed his eyes.
As the final breath came out of Joe in present day, all the world's begun to fade. A large white light expanding all time and space, all universes within their confined space. Time bending and space melting, supernovas filling the sky in bright rays and beautiful colors. A new time frame being born, unfolding before the universe.
Hours before during the fires upon Edo as Joe had been tearing up the book, there was a cabin on the outskirts of the city, overlooking the city.
"Sensei.." Takasugi said with his back turned to him, looking at the uproars of fire. "I don't understand how you called me here. OR HOW YOU'RE EVEN ALIVE!" He turned to him in up most tears. "T-TELL ME..."
"Takasugi.. tell me this first. What do you think of Katsura?"
"What does that have to do with you?!?!-"
"Please." Shouyou smiled.
"He's nothing more than a stray dog to me, like Gintoki." Takasugi said. "N-now Sensei please explain-"
"Do you still remember No Man?" Shouyou sighed and asked again.
"Who?" Takasugi simply asked.
Katsura and Shinsuke ran into Sensei Shouyou's holiday cabin holding hands and in a puff and huff. The couple slammed close the doors, holding them tight.
"Oi, Zura, Takasugi. Man you two are late." Gintoki scoffed. "I guess you'd rather be inside your fellow Jouis then be inside a room with your fellow Jouis." Shinsuke's smoke pipe was thrown at his head.
The two took their seats next to him and Sakamoto sitting by the table.
"AAHAHAHA! What a lovely February afternoon! And to spend it with my Joui buddies!" Sakamoto smiled and hugged them, much to Gintoki and Shinsuke's disgust.
"It is when you're not on the lamb." Shinsuke picked up the holy grail- he means one of Sensei's cups. "5th time this week in the stoney lonesome."
"It isn't that lonesome though, Shinny Boo." They smiled. "Because I always have Elizabeth to join me." Shinsuke rolled his eyes but couldn't stay mad at his Honey-chan and smiled.
"Oi, lamb could sound pretty good right now." Gintoki's mouth watered like Niagara Falls.
"Hey! Come and get this guy a bucket for all this water dripping out of him! Ahahaha!" Sakamoto called out and a person came out or rather a pile of bones.
"Nice one Tatsuma." Skele chuckled, drinking some Rattle Me Bones iced tea and sat at their table with them. "So when's Sensei coming? I didn't see him in the kitchen."
"Not sure Skele-dono. He said something about-"
"Sorry I'm late! Had to take care of some last minute duties." Shouyou smiled, coming in the door with four people behind him.
"WE'RE HERE. EXPLODING FEMINISM!" Matako called out. But the Joui 5 kind of just sat there quietly deadpan.
"ELIZABETH!" Zura smiled. She was now in the band along with the other three wearing a spiked collar and mohawk and she gave him a hang-loose brotha gesture. She looked Takasugi dead in the eyes though.
"That duck does not like me..." He whispered.
”Katsura-sama..” Matako looked grim.
”Katsura-sama janai, Shinsuke-sama da.” He answered seriously.
”W-WHAT?!” She quietly but not quietly said.
”You know it's his last name now, Matako-chan.” Takechi had to help poor Matako sit down as she was feeling faint all of a sudden.
"..Why are you guys doing that ridiculous band thing?" Shinsuke said.
"Uh, because you kicked us out of the Kiheitai..?" Bansai looked at his previous superior officer.
"Yes, I have the day you told us marked in my Feminist Calendar." Takechi pointed to it, leaving everyone to wonder why he had it on him.
"YEAH! Don't think we'll just crawl and beg on our knees to join you back!.. Unless you're into those sort of things, Shinsuke-sama.." Matako blushed.
"No, I disbanded to REband the Kiheitai as a less extreme faction. Like my little Honey-chan's Jouishishi. Holy shit, you guys need to read my messages more clearer. It's a little intense still but not enough to cause to cause too much damage to anyone, or Honey-chan's silky long hair." Shinsuke played with his hair as Zura giggled, Matako looking in disgust.
"All I got was an accidental sent nude.." Bansai thought to himself. He sat near Takasugi and gave him a friendly smile and best brofist secret handshake though.
"OI BRING OUT THE FOOD!" Gintoki banged the table.
"You don't have yell, Gin-san." Gin turned around...
"BLACKPACHIIIIIIII" Gintoki yelled out.
"WE SAID BRING OUT THE FOOD!" Kagura from behind pushed the beefy glasses man as he got annoyed.
Three more bunny individuals entered into the house and sat down. Kamui with Ungyo’s still head next to him pushed over Kagura next to him but she returned that action with a punch to his cheek.
"Oi, I thought this was a Joui only gathering." Gintoki rolled his eyes.
"That's odd, because you told me to bring the booze, Yorozuya." Ozu entered, Brozu, Umibozu, Kiyoko, Guano and Yes Man with him.
"LET'S PARTY!" Brozu noogied his two nephews and Ozu, much to his despising.
“HEY! THAT HIP-HOPPIN OLD TIMER ISN’T ALLOWED HERE!” Katsura stood up although Takasugi was trying to calm him. HE ANNOYED ME IN 1.0 FOR REASONS I CAN’T REMEMBER!”
”Ain’t nothin’ but a love thang, Zura.” Brozu gave a peace sign, infuriating Katsura even more so and he let out a janai.
"What about Hasegawa?" Kiyoko asked but still zoning out in a manga. “I kinda liked his cool glasses.”
"He said 'going to catch up with Hasegawa'... hanging out with himself.. I don't know what he meant by that either." Umibozu shrugged as the five of them sit down.
"Abuto-dono, where's Shinji-dono? You three are his guardians, correct?" Katsura said worried.
"Yeah but why don't you ask this redheaded brat that?" Abuto scoffed, drinking some sake.
"I'll leave you to fill in the blanks." Kamui smiled and nodded. He then put No Man in a headlock randomly.
"What about Sait?" Guano asked worryingly.
"I'll leave you to fill in the blanks, Shinsuke look-alike." Kamui smiled again.
"Yay! I get a line!" Yes Man smiled.
"And I get another-" Yes Man zipped Guano's mouth closed though.
"Sorry out of room for talking!" The yellow glasses man said and they started tackling each other like the yato kids, oiing Blackpachi getting dragged into the mess of the four siblings when he came back still with no food.
"Kids..." The dads said with shaking heads.
"KAATTTSURRAAA! TAKASUGGGII!" Fully walking Hijikata barged into the room, pulling out his big katana blade and aiming it on their necks. The rest of the Shinsengumi entering as well.
"Katsura janai, uh Zurako da!" He said with a falsetto voice, wiping on some lipstick real quick.
"OI, don't give me that you over glorified transvestite." Hijikata said clinching his teeth.
"Sorry but there's only one sword that gets skin to skin contact to me like this." Shinsuke said as Katsura straight face blushed and the blade on them got tighter.
"Hi out there! It's me, Steve!" He walked into the party with Wilford behind him.
"Steve!" Hijikata yelled out happily, he dropped the husbands as they caught their breath.
"Toshi! Shinsuke!" Steve smiled.
"S-SHINSUKE?! Don't tell me that terrorist scum is your fr-" Hijikata said in disbelief.
"Yo." Takasugi replied as Steve was giving his friend a big hug.
Toshi looked dead inside but took a seat next to his beloved clues finding friend.
"Wonderful! Now that everyone's here, let's get to the meal!" Shouyou said.
"Not What He Seems Spaghettios?!" Takasugi said a bit too excitedly.
"Precisely my student." Shouyou smiled back.
"Sorry guys, I got a bit lost finding the way to ska-doo to this cabin!" A man with a clean cut face and square knitted shirt said.
“Brother! Welcome.” Steve said.
"Joe! My friend!" Wilford commented.
"Hey Joe! Take a seat!" Hijikata smiled.
"Steve! Toshi! Wilford! Everyone. Hey!" He happily waved. "How's the married life Shinsukes?"
"Enjoying it more each and every day." Katsura smiled, something he rarely did unless it was something regarding his husband. Elizabeth in the corner gave Takasugi a sign with a skull on it, he slouched back, sweating.
”Joe-chan! Get this scary muscle man away from me!” Kagura clunched onto his arm.
”OI, I’m not scary, I’m just swole!” Shinpachi argued.
"Joe, don't sit too close next to the green haired man, you might catch his mayoitis.." Takasugi whispered to his friend.
"OI WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSE TO MEAN YOU TERRIORIST!?" Hijikata barked.
"Oi, Joey Boy. I heard that mayoitis is worse than the black plague these days." Gintoki whispered, leaning in while smirking.
"AND WHY ARE YOU JOINING IN WITH YOUR FORMER ENEMY!?" Hijikata barked at Gintoki referring to Takasugi.
”His mayoitis is so bad it’s gonna cause his fatality soon enough...” Sougo chimed in and gave out a heh.
”OI NO IT WON’T YOU SADIST AND WHERE DID YOU EVEN COME FROM SOUGO?!” Hijikata yelled.
”Haha, you guys are a blast.” Joe chuckled.
"So good to see that sunshiney sincere smile Joe." Sensei grinned at the man as he was walking to sit down next to his brother. Joe was confused at that statement but didn't question it.
"Say cheese everybody!" Skele said as everyone did so.
He rushed back to get into the snap.
"Yeah yeah, I know 4th Ass, you had a date with your boyfriend tonight and couldn't command the ship." Kamui said on his transceiver. "Well guess what...." He held up the phone next to No Man.
"YOU CAN'T SIT WITH US!" No Man pointed to the large table.
"You two are a lost cause.." Abuto shook his achy breaky head once again.
"Spaghettio's.. Blue's favorite.." Steve looked a bit down but Joe placed a lovingly hand on his shoulder.
"She's a bunch of good memories, isn't she?" Joe smiled and his brother did likewise. They both turned to the readers.
"Thanks for stopping by!" Steve said.
"So happy to have you!" Joe added.
"Bye Steve! Bye Joe!" The audience said.
"Oi.. what the fuck is going on... WHAT ARE THOSE VOICES?!" Gintoki whispered to Skele who shrugged.
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Hey, I'm back for another Christmas episode, mini-review, would be the best way to say it. Anyway, today I'm going to be covering, for our next Christmas episode, is White Elephant Gift Exchange from Regular Show. This is an episode I've never actually seen before. Here's the thing. When this episode comes out, Regular Show was hitting a bit of...... seasonal rot. Regular Show has always been good though, save for a couple of stinkers, but there was a dip in quality around when this episode came out (Season 6), that managed to repair around late Season 6 and the show was really great again in Season 7 and 8. Are these episodes bad in 6? No, but I haven't seen most of them, and to keep things fresh I wanted to review an episode I've never seen. I stopped REALLY watching Regular Show around Season 5 and really got back into it during Season 7, so yeah, I haven't seen a lot of Season 5/6 episodes.
Enough with all of that, on to this episode. This episode's plot is very simple. The park employees are tired of Muscle Man's prank gifts during their annual white elephant gift exchange, so the park members except for Muscle Man (obviously) plot to rig the gift exchange to get back at Muscle Man. Very simple, but the episode is only 11 minutes long, and it works! This is a pretty good episode, and it's biggest advantage is the fact it's very festive and fun, and manages to be pretty funny too in the way during the gift exchange it constantly keeps building tension to Muscle Man opening their gift to get back at him and the ways the show builds tension are pretty funny. It's simple, and it doesn't need to be complicated. It's straight forward and easy to jump into. Is it amazing? No, and it's not this show's best Christmas episode (that award goes to The Christmas Special where they have to destroy that one gift). This episode's definite highlight is the scene at the end where Muscle Man opens his gift, in slo mo, as everything in the gift attacks him, which it's actually a really nice detail that the gift contains much of the bad gifts Muscle Man has given to the other employees. One flaw I do have for this episode is the scene with the actual White Elephant seems a bit.... abrupt and kind of useless for lasting only a little bit. But other than that, it's a pretty good episode.
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I admit its kinda late to write this considering the storm happened over a month ago but this was the right moment to post this since I finally uploaded the pics I took online. Anyway, as you all might have known, Hurricane Maria struck Puerto Rico on September 20th. At first it looked like it was gonna be just another storm but then the intensity increased to category 4 and later to 5 and that was when things got ugly. We still had things in storage from Hurricane Irma before that so we thought we'd be fine but then the storm struck. I woke up that day hearing the strong winds slam into the windows, but when I looked outside it looked really ugly, the trees and power lines were struggling to stay standing, then I saw the roof top of one of my neighbors fall off due to the strong winds.
And then came the ugliest part, the winds near the eye wall were so strong that all of a sudden the trees in my house fell, including tall trees and all the palm trees in my backyard and nearby. It was really scary since even the house started shaking due to the wind's pressure, and that point we had lost all communication with the outside world since the phone lines broke down. Not to mention, one of the windows in my room was broken and we had to fix it by putting some steel bars to hold it down, my room was starting to flood also but I took out my personal belongings before the storm so they're ok. On the next day, we got to see all of the destruction, man it was horrible, the entire mountain near my house was without trees, well more like everywhere really, every single tree fell, it was that bad, it was a true catastrophe. The road was blocked for like a day until we helped clear it out of the way, but picking up all the fallen branches was a nightmare since they were everywhere, there's still some left since they were so many.
When I first traveled in car outside our home, the destruction was everywhere and there were lines in gas stations, bakeries, you name it. A lot of places were closed so it was hard to get any basic goods. The lines in gas stations were awful, at one point we had to stand in line for 8 hours to get gas, it was that bad. In some places there's still lines for food and gas but the lines are not as bad. There were riots and looting in some places, and even murders just to get food to the point where the government had to declare a curfew at night since robberies were everywhere. Getting food was hard and we had to do long lines to get some, the restrictions felt like if I were living in a communist country, and it really felt that way. The water service was down for two weeks and getting water to drink was hard since you know, drinking tap water in Puerto Rico is not safe like it is in the US or Canada. We had to boil tap water in order to drink it, and it tasted awful, but then like a week later we managed to get donations from the municipal government and a box from Unicef that had arrived in my dad's workplace, they included water bottles and some basic stuff for eating and cooking and with that we managed to survive for all this time. Like a week after I started college again since my dad passed near my university and told me he saw some students there, but the place didn't have power and a lot of students quit because of the difficulties in transportation, to this day we're still struggling with the power in college so doing work has not been easy.
Things are still hard let me tell you, the power still hasn't come back and transportation is still hard to find. But since I live in the San Juan metro I have it better than a lot of people on other parts of Puerto Rico. Some parts in the center of the island were completely destroyed since there's mostly poorer areas there and people are now suffering since a lot of roads were ravaged in those areas, plus its hard for the government and rescue teams to reach there since they're so remote. Our government had even contracted some American companies to help restore the power but then they canceled the contract since there were gonna have high salaries and a lot of people saw that as unfair since a lot people are still suffering and lost everything. Still, with that cancellation it will take longer for the power to come back. :/ Hopefully our local power company does something right, even if the workers are at odds with our government due to their policies. And also hopefully they will work together and bring all the outside help they promised because this is not looking good and a lot of people are leaving. I swear they risk a revolution if this is not fixed soon since a lot of workers are not being payed enough and a lot of people are not currently working.
But anyway, my wish is that things get better and I finally get power at home, hearing the power plant everyday is getting on my nerves. At least now I have some internet connection in the backyard which means things are getting better right? we'll see.
Here's some pics I took:Spoiler
because of the recent events that have gone down on the cbox, though much of what was said was easy to brush off as just somebody elses opinion about me, i do think that there is one important thing that this person said, even if it wasnt delivered very nicely, and that is the fact that i should own up to the fact that in the past i have put many members here down for the purpose of comedy, without thinking about these actions might have ultimately been harmful. likewise, i pretended for a very long time to be somebody who i wasn't so that what i said wouldn't make me feel as bad, because i was doing it without attaching my real self to the things i was saying. now that everyone here has known the truth for a long while, i want to own up to anything hurtful i might have said, and apologize for any discrepancies anybody might still have with me from back then. i am still growing up, and i am still working on being the best version of myself i can be. back in 2014/15, i was thirteen, and i was less careful to consider my words. i now know the impact they can have, and i'm glad to be able to befriend all of you now.
So, not too long after reviewing Praise Him, the demo EP by black/noise metal artist 666Satanic Army666, I was browsing a list of "noise metal" artists on RateYourMusic, and that album came up. Upon reading the description, I read that later on in '06, Lord Arawn Christkiller found a drummer, dropped the 666s from the Satanic Army name, and with "Thunderstormer" released the final song of his short-lived career, a single known as "Fuck Christ". As a supplement to the Praise Him review, I'm going to look at "Fuck Christ" and see if it lives up to whatever merits Praise Him received from me.
SONG NAME: Fuck Christ
ARTIST NAME: Satanic Army
GENRES: Black metal
PERSONNEL: Lord Arawn Christkiller (lyrics, vocals, guitar), Thunderstormer (drums)
TOTAL LENGTH: 3:15
-Fuck Christ: With this, Satanic Army shifts from being the quite literal solo project of one Lord Arawn Christkiller to a black metal duo consisting of himself and Thunderstormer. Along with the dropping of the 666s from the name, Satanic Army transitions from the lo-fidelity black/noise metal of Praise Him to standard black metal. Some things from the previous releases remain, however, such as Lord Arawn's growled incomprehensible vocals and repetitive simple guitar riffs, which have lost all of the surf rockish feel. Lyrically, not much has changed. Guided by Thunderstormer's simplistic beats, Fuck Christ is far better than Praise Him, production-wise especially.
What can I say about this swan song release from Satanic Army, the obscure Czech black metal project? Musically and production-wise, it's far better than Praise Him, and had Lord Arawn and Thunderstormer recorded any more songs, I feel that they could have become a black metal counterpart to the White Stripes. The guitar riff, while simplistic and repetitive, is catchy and creates a dissonance to the anti-Christian, growled lyrics. While this wouldn't gel with any fans of Praise Him due to none of the noisy feel of that demo carrying over to here, it would appeal to black metal fans, at least those who prefer cleaner productions.
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Okay, Cartoon Network. All of you probably know that name. A quarter of a century ago, this TV channel specifically for animation launched, getting great success over the years. So, I'm gonna talk about the various iterations the network has gone through. I'm not here to debate about the shows themselves or anything, I want to look at the various brandings the network has had, coincidentally coinciding with a huge (belated) birthday celebration for the channel. Maybe comment on some era specific features, along those lines. I also won't be looking at Summer 2007 because that was more of a theme rather a big, long, formal rebranding for the network. Anyways, from Checkboard to Dimensional, this is Cartoon Network Eras: A Retrospective.
That sounded really cliche.
Checkerboard (1992-1997): Obviously, the first branding of Cartoon Network. I think Checkboard is a good name, because checkerboard patterns are everywhere in these bumpers. They've always been a mainstay of the network, like in the logos, but they are very prominent here. Notably, there's a set of bumpers with characters moving inside them that I think flows nicely, set to some synth track that I like but gets tiresome after consecutive listens, I think. I believe there were also stop motion variations of those, I could be wrong, but I appreciated them too.
I noticed a lot of blocks or marathons there too, like Super Chunk, promoted with some roughly animated characters like a weird looking cow and a hyper fat kid. I think there were some good block/marathon themes like Look What We Found, promoting obscure cartoons and Dog Bowl, a fan-voted contest of cartoon dogs. One feature I took note of was Toon Mail, where kids wrote to characters, in a slightly similar vein to Stick Stickly. At the end, they directed viewers to an AOL address, which I found humorous.
A lot of these bumpers/commercials have that sort of charm to them, looking back. There were a lot of What a Cartoon/World Premiere Toons ads I saw, with stuff like Dexter's and Powerpuff, pretty interesting. One thing I noticed if that there wasn't really one age demographic that everything was being marketed to. Of course, there were things like Toon Mail and even some live action PSAs that were towards kids, but there were commercials invoking 60s/70s tropes and showed people watching the show at work, for example, that were more towards adults. And from what I saw, it was pretty well organized. So, yeah, I like it. While I think things got a bit repetitive, Checkboard did a good job of kicking off the network's life. It showed potential viewers what it was all about and managed to tap into many different people simultaneously.
Powerhouse (1997-2004): I'd say this is the most iconic and most defining era of the network. It's what I think of when I think of CN, and many shows here are now classics. During this time, there was a more equal and even dominant focus of the Cartoon Cartoons. But even though I'm not talking about actual programming, this era has gotten a big legacy, not the least seeing the staggering amount of bumpers and such that are available to view on the internet. It is, in essence, a powerhouse.
That's also an appropriate name because the Raymond Scott composition of the same name is sort of the theme song here, as it appears on a ton of these bumpers, idents, and so on. It's always sort of been synonymous with cartoons, so I think it works. Speaking of, I liked what I saw. The bumpers were separated into three colors: yellow for weekdays, blue for nights and weekends, and purple for action cartoons. These colors would make up the backgrounds of the bumpers. I think the color coding is a good idea, though the purple confuses me a bit. Maybe it was done for demographic reasons, I don't know. The backgrounds are more loose, and angular, as well. The checkerboard patterns are still prominent, but a little more abstract. For example, in a Dexter's bumper, there would be an explosion, and it would make a black screen with white fumes flying up. I think they're set up well, and are pretty creative, most of the time.
But, one problem I have is that the bumpers themselves got a little repetitive. It would be a short clip of the characters, and then likely a checkerboard cut of them next to the name of their show, and/or a character or announcer saying a joke, and then them next to the name of the show. The solid color background doesn't help with that, here. This is probably less of a problem when they're quick and between the shows and more when you're watching them complied together, but yeah. Despite this, it's a good use of simplicity. I'm not asking for a grand show at the end of a commercial break, but maybe spice things up a little.
While they don't go with the Powerhouse theme much, I enjoyed the idents a lot. Quick and simple gags of the characters, and they were pretty good, in my opinion. But yeah, I like this theme of Cartoon Network. It was a simple but defining image for the network, and even made me want to watch some of these shows more, which is the whole point, so that's gotta mean something.
CN City (2004-2007): I'd call this sort of a transitional period for the network, between the old and new. This is an era that focused a lot on the bumpers, with the laconic premise being CN characters living together. An simple but interesting concept with lots of potential material between all of the character personalities. Interestingly, old and new characters were here, which I appreciate.
They feature CGI recreations of different Cartoon Network sets and CGI sets of other places, and it is really good CGI. Even over a decade later some shots look pretty realistic to me. But, it still has that cartoony edge that keeps it sorta grounded into what CN is about. There were several, mainly character parts, that looked a bit off, like the Eds sometimes, for example, but I think they pulled off everything really well. I also like the music here, it has sort of an urban edge, I guess? I'm not good with describing music.
I'm not sure if branding the channel with these bumpers made the most sense, though. I guess it symbolizes the city as like the network, with all these shows together, but it's almost too specific, even then? Maybe like have it as like a series of bumpers, I don't know. There were also some bumpers were at the CN logo, there would be a random fart or something, which annoyed me. It was just random for random's sake and as a result just seemed too juvenile for me.
Overall, I did like the style and idea of these bumpers, and they were pulled off well. But there were some problems about how it was presented, though they didn't actually obstruct my enjoyment of anything too much.
Yes (2006-2007): Not to be confused with the exclamation of approval or the band, Yes was the fourth CN era, going at the same time as CN City Actually, it sort of blends into CN City at times, like the up next bumpers, which had the CN City design, but with slightly different music and weird colors. There were a couple different main bumper/ident themes during the year or so Yes was around. Reportedly, there were stick puppet bumpers that I can't find anywhere, and something called The Lunchbox of Doom, showing quick clips of different shows inside a lunchbox. There's nothing outwardly wrong about that from the looks of it, but there's just nothing to Yes.
Most notably, there were some with characters against a red background saying and doing random crap. But, I can't really find a way to call these great. Some were just random stuff without any setup or punchline, and some went on too long and got tiring. I do think there was potential, like the red background looks aesthetically pleasing, and it can show off the characters quickly, but it just didn't work very well. It seemed like they were trying to push the extra zany and hyper characters, like Cheese from Foster's, who I've never found funny. It's just...I don't know, anything that's trying to market "I pooted" as a catchphrase or slogan of sorts has a problem.
To sum it up, Yes didn't really have it's own identity. What it did have was just sorta bland or lifted from CN City, or it was annoying at worst. So yeah, that wraps it up now. Next time I'll be covering the more recent half of CN eras, I promise it'll hopefully be out by the end of the decade.
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I was planning to do this during the final season of this show, although I was pretty lazy and I forgot all about this. Then @SquiddyFace requested me to do this, so I'm coming back to finish this and there are going to be spoilers just in case If you didn't see these episodes or this show.
I watched Samurai Jack when I was a kid but I didn't exactly wanna continue watching this because it didn't interest me that much and seeing Jack shirtless sometimes made me feel so awkward. I revisted 4 seasons of this show before the final season started and I was so impressed by the memorable heroes and villains, the animation, each episode having a different genre, music, action scenes and creativity in this show. There are many great shows with dialogue storytelling but this show is magnificent because it excels at visual storytelling. There are still conversations but the visuals tell the whole story and it amazes me to see that. This is also one of the few action packed cartoons I can think of that is great at almost anything. I adore action genre and this show became one of my favorite shows because it also has so many memorable action scenes. And now that this show is over, I wanna honor it by making a Top 15 Best Samurai Jack Episodes list. I already did best Steven Universe and adult cartoon episodes list, so it's SJ's turn to be recognized.
15. Jack and the Ultra-robots
What happens when you mix science with dark magic? You get empty warriors that their only purpose is to challenge Jack. Some of my favorite episodes in this series are the ones that Jack has to face with hard obsticals because no matter how you convince us that Jack's skills are amazing, he's not invincible. You still have a shot to kill him If you manage to break him enough. Sometimes TV shows or movies do a silly thing that they make the protagonists invincible enough that they can beat anyone and that sounds like a generic action hero. As long as the action is good or your character have good motivations, I can tolerate the invincible heroes but there are times It gets tiresome becuase you want to feel the pain of the protagonist to get yourself excited for the serious climax. If they can overcome anything, then climax is underwhelming. The worst thing you can do is that you make your character train but in the end, the characters get beaten up a lot by villains with average powers and I've seen that a lot in some other shows and it's just stupid. The perfect way to make your character powerful but not completely invincible is to make your villain smarter or more powerful, instead of dumbing down the hero or making them weak. Jack still has great skills here but he's up against robots with martial arts and they are controlled by magic and they have no emotion. Now that's an exciting way to write a hero vs one time villain(s). At the end, Jack managed to defeat the robots by the power of honor and yeah, it feels deus-ex machina but when you have robots with dark magic, you do gotta fight magic with well, magic? And I can let it slide since Jack's sword is also powered by magic, it's a good way to defeat those robots. In the end, Jack wins but in an epic way.
14. Jack vs Mad Jack
This is a tricky one because season 5 revists the concept of Jack facing his demons and while season 5 did a mature job with that, this is the episode that Mad Jack exists because of Aku's magic but that's not why this episode is so great. Jack faced many villains that he defeated so well, so the only person that can truly match is himself, except he's filled with rage. The action scenes of Jack vs Mad Jack is very thrilling because their fight literally destroys a whole forrest. It shows how anger can consume someone enough to ruin everything. We all wanna lock our demons because if we really show how angry we are, we are gonna hurt a lot of people. In Jack's case, he has to fight with his rage to get rid of him but that doesn't work because our anger is very powerful that the more you fight, the more you give power to him. So Jack does the only way to stop him. He stops fighting and he calms himself down, eventually that makes him have peace with himself and Mad Jack vanishes. Season 5 reintroduced Mad Jack in a more different way, so people must have felt like this episode didn't matter but I don't think so. Jack stopped Mad Jack but you can't exactly get rid of your anger. Dangerous or not, anger is still a part of ourselves, so Jack still has his anger but he locks it down to not hurt anything. That's how I see it anyway lol. This episode is amazing because of our sympathy with Jack about facing his worst version
13. Jack vs the Five Hunters
lets continue the tradition of Jack against at powerful foes but dear god, five hunters are amazing. Of course Aku would hire actual hunters to hunt down Jack and their hunt makes this episode one of the most thrilling episodes of the season. Unlike previous episodes, this episode is like a cat and mouse game for Jack. Jack has to escape from hunters before they take him down. There's no time to breathe or hiding because these hunters would find Jack in anywhere. What makes this episode so special (other than how much of a thrill ride it is) that Jack loses this battle. Hunters actually catches Jack and Jack has nowhere to run. If these hunters were merciless, Jack would be dead by the hands of Aku. Series finale ladies and gentleman. That thought is actually scary if you really want your hero to win against ultimate evil but thankfully hunters free Jack for showing good challenge at them. Normally this would have been so nonsensical like why these hunters would free someone right after they catch them but these hunters free Jack because capturing Jack already proves that they are the greatest hunters of all time. They don't want to prove that to anyone, except themselves. That's 100% of their motivations and that's what makes them hunters with honor. This episode is brilliant for Jack's failure but also there are many people like him who want to prove something to themselves and they do that with honor.
12. Jack and the Scotsman
At first I wasn't entirely fond of Scotsman, yea yea, but then he grew on me as a character. Him and Jack follow the same path and they both have magic swords (I don't even wanna know how Scotsman earned a magic sword), they want to stop pure evil but they are both opposite characters. They are not even like Daredevil/Punisher type of characters that one is a pure hero and other is an anti-hero. Scotsman is also a hero but he's loud, disrespectful and jokester unlike Jack who is quiet, kind and mostly serious. Their dynamic makes this episode unique enough for Scotman to have one sequel and a two part special, tho neither can match the amazing stuff in this episode. It literally starts off with them arguing about who should let other one cross the bridge at first and they could have just pass them at once but they fight over it because why not? I love it because that describes how Scotsman start a fight for something that is not that a big deal, he's a bit hotheaded dude who doesn't know how to properly communicate with others. They fight and it goes on for a freaking day and eventually the bountry hunters find them and they have no choice but to team up. After this, they suddenly becomes friends and that's all folks.
Seriously, this episode is filled with good humor and interesting dynamic between Jack and the Scotsman and this is a perfect example why Scotsman is so beloved by fans alike.
11. Jack vs Demongo, the Soul Eater
You thought robots with dark magic or the greatest hunters weren't enough. Here's a demon who can summon souls of other warriors. Demongo is one of the most memorable villains in this show. Not only he's pretty menacing and threatening, his design as well as his powers makes him a creative villain. And it's dark when you think about the fact that If Jack lost over Demongo, Demongo would eat his soul and make him stay in a prison inside him that he can only get out by Demongo summoning him to fight and then pulling him back. Jack fighting with the warriors is so exciting to watch and Jack doesn't have to worry about killing warriors since they are souls but like what any one person would do, Jack gets inside Demongo (that didn't sound right.) and he frees all the warriors that makes Demongo so powerless at the end. I like when heroes use their mind to solve things, instead of just force. Demongo gets crushed by Aku but he's alive for a funny cameo in season 5, oh ok. Anyway, this episode is nothing more than a fun time with a really amazing villain.
10. Jack Remembers the Past
I can see why others would feel like this episode should have been higher and I agree but I enjoyed other episodes more than this. The reason why this is low is that it taked a while for the plot to kick in, I get it that they had to set up the mood but personal opinion, sometimes slow pacing can bother me in this show. That's still no reason to not put this on the list because this episode is very heartbreaking. We already had an episode full on Jack's past and that's The Premiere Movie and we got three more episodes that explored Jack's past but this episode is different from them. This is all about Jack's happy past memories. We already know how Jack became a warrior but we rarely saw what Jack's village was meant for him until this and this makes us care for why Jack care so much for his village. One scene of Aku destroying the village isn't just enough for Jack's motivation to be against at Aku, this episode expands on Jack's motivations because of how much his village matters to him. He had a great childhood there with nothing so bad, except for him seeing dad killing bunch of guys oops but still this episode makes us care for Jack's quest and we feel bad for him and we cry for him for every good thing Aku destroyed.
9. Samurai Jack Premiere Movie
Making the first episode of a TV show can be a difficult thing to do because that is the episode that makes you want to see more of the adventures of the character(s). Your pilot can be pretty mediocre, bad or uninteresting enough to lose interest but eventually those shows gain popularity in it's latter episodes like how first episode of Fringe, BoJack Horseman, Arrow, Bob's Burgers, Agents of SHIELD, Supergirl, American Dad, Parks and Recreation (I still need to check that show but ik people disliked first episodes) and more but a show like Samurai Jack opens with a bang. It's a simple struction that many tv shows use in their first seasons but Samurai Jack did it in three episodes that are all connected as one premiere movie.
First episode gives Jack a motivation and a big quest to save his people from the evil entity known as Aku. We are shown from the first episode on how Jack manages to become the most skilled fighter in the world and he's even granted with a magic sword to kill Aku once and for all. Jack's skills are not mentioned by Jack, neither it's shown quickly. The first part of the premiere movie gives us enough time to process Jack's transformation from a defensless kid to a powerful adult. And we are off to the first battle between Jack and Aku and Aku manages to find a great trick to get rid of Jack for a long time to take over the world. In conclusion this is just the begining of the premiere.
The show could have been like other shows that their main arc start off in latter episodes or seasons with long world building but Samurai Jack does it all in the second episode. This is all Jack being so confused about where he ended up and how he's gonna get out of this mess. So this leads up to Jack exploring the future with weird creatures and advances technology. Jack eventually finds a group of dogs that their town is in danger because of Aku's insect robots. And that is the whole premise of this show. Jack tries to find a bloody way to return to home but even if that is his whole quest, he doesn't let any people from the future get harmed by Aku's evil. Jack could have been careless about the dogs and he could have only focused on his journey but what makes Jack a hero is that he doesn't leave people behind. Even if his whole goal is to make sure this evil never exists in the future, he doesn't know if he'll actually return to the past, so save many people on the way.
Third episode is mostly the climax of how everything is build up to this premiere. It's all action packed with no time to breathe, you just enjoy a mindless time of Jack killing every single insect robots. We see Jack's process to become a great fighter and now it's the time to test it with real danger, aside from Aku himself to fight Jack. The action scenes, the music and the animation are all breath taking that it's almost like I'm watching an actual theatrical movie. Heck If this entire premiere was only a theatrical movie that includes the end of Jack finally stopping Aku, this would be one of the most magnificent animated movies of all-time. But nope, this is just the first episodes of many big stories of Jack's adventures and I'm glad for that.
8. Jack vs Aku
Jack and Aku fought couple of times in this show and having an entire episode dedicated to them having a fight would be pretty awesome, except like I said, this was done in this show before, so how to make Jack and Aku fighting so interesting again? By making it all comedic. This episode is probably the funniest epsode in the entire series that takes Jack and Aku's dynamic to a hilarity ride. This may even be the most meta episode in the entire series since this episode makes fun of the fact that everytime Jack manages to have a chance to kill Aku or get back into past, he loses and Aku escapes and that is kind of annoying to see in this show sometimes (well no show is perfect lol). So this entire commentary on status quo of Jack losing and Aku escaping is funny, as well as many other moments like Aku's phone conversation that became a popular meme, Aku cheating on the fight, Jack and Aku starting and awkwardly smiling at each other, the whole "I KNEW THAT YOU KNEW..." exchange and Aku's letter to Jack. It's all so funny and awesome. Unfortunately the episode ends the exact same way, Jack loses and Aku escapes but at the very least 13 years later, we got a final season. This episode is a comedy gold.
7. The Tale of X-9
Not to be confused by XJ9.
Samurai Jack is a show that is full of possibilities. A strange and weird future led by Aku is a great way to be unlimited on storytelling. This show can be sci-fi or a fantasy or a silly comedy but the best thing about this show is that you can pick almost anything you can think of and put it here. This episode is a great example of that. Throughout the episode we get a point of view from a villain. This show did make a few episodes based on that premise but none is like this. Heck, the villain is barely a villain. He is X-9 and he has to kill Jack or else he'll lose a dog he loves so much. This episode tackles on the idea of a robot gaining emotions and thoughts of their own. X-9 may be a robot but his backstory is tragic and we actually feel sympathy for him. One of the most interesting aspects of this episode is that this is a story about a friendship between a dog and a machine, it's not a human and a dog, neither it is human and a machine. It's that and it's compelling to sit through. The tone of this episode is so neo-noir and that shows how SJ can do any genre perfectly. Some said this episode took the inspiration from Cowboy Bebop and while I've never seen it, this episode still stands on it's own. Not the mention it's one of the only episodes that has a sad ending to it. X-9 gets killed by Jack and it's horrid how X-9 will never be able to see his dog again, the sweet thing. This episode is emotional, complex and thrilling It deserves more love.
6. Jack and the Zombies
If only the last episode of this show was this epic as this one. This episode starts off with Jack wondering around the graveyard and boom, zombies show up and try to eat him. It's always a delight to see a kid show (well SJ is a former kids show but still) dealing with disgusting looking zombies. Yeah, zombies can scare the crap outta kids but it's a bold choice to include actual violent and scary looking zombies in a kids show. This is still not the best thing about this episode. The best thing is that Aku finally strikes and he's there to finish Jack once and for all. Albeit this episode starts to focus on Aku more than zombies, Aku's presence makes this episode a lot better. He's a comedic villain but this is one of those times that he's actually threatening to Jack and Aku's whole deal is to get Jack sword and kill him with that. The twist is revealed that the sword can't kill Jack because Jack is too pure in heart and it's bloody awesome. Jack's final battle with Aku is intense and epic that if this episode ended with Aku finally getting killed, it'd be hell of a way to end this series.
5. Episode XCIII (season 5 episode 2)
Season 5 is, for the most part, a great way to bring this show back for one last ride. I didn't like some of the direction this season took later on but even with my complaints, this season managed to be a mature, unsettling and violent season with new great characters, dark themes (PTSD, abuse, murder, loss and depression) great fanservice and an interesting choice to end this show. This episode is my favorite of them because it's so perfect with it's animation, sound editing, music, action-scenes and it features Jack on his most broken self. Not only he's a bit rusty and old and he's facing against Daughters of Aku are highly skilled assassins, he's also fighting with himself. Jack got hurt so badly that it shows he's no longer the greatest fighter he used to be, he's more vulnerable than ever. The most shocking thing of all is that Jack actually kills a human being and that scars him deeply that it carries on to the next episode. Another great thing about this episode is that it actually starts off a bit silly, yet interesting. We see Aku from the second episode of the final season and he's different. Just like Jack, he's dealing with his own problems. He has become a pessimistic, slacker and depressed demon because he couldn't even manage to get rid of Jack and he doesn't wanna face off against him. Mako will always be Aku but Greg Baldwin did a decent job voicing a depressed Aku but still Aku has one funny part in this and rest of the episode is a survival game for Jack. It's one of the most epic stories SJ has given to us.
4. Jack and the Lava Monster
Woops, talk about an actual devistating story of a dangerous creature. A reminder that Jack's village wasn't the only village that was destroyed, there was countless villages that Aku erased them all from existence and one person is left to be a reminder of this. Aku may be a silly villain but he's merciless beast. Killing the loved ones of the actual hero defending the village and giving that hero a worse punishment than death? Turning the hero into a monster in prison for all enternity? Jesus Christ, that's the worst thing you can do to someone with a heart of gold. The fight scene of Jack and The Lava Monster is more than a climax. If Jack wasn't sent into future, he would probably end up being another version of The Lava Monster. So Jack most likely sees himself in that monster. The only way to free him is to kill him and it's actually the right thing to do because whatever that person inside the monster no longer exists on this planet and there's nothing he can do at this point, so death is a good reward for him and many people would take it if their faith ended up like him. Jack kills the monster, the monster becomes human and he's taken by angels to Heaven and this all ends with a heartwarming scene of Jack making sure he exists by writing FREE to the rock. That is such a tearjerking scene and this is one stand alone episode. Well done job.
3. The Birth of Evil
Most of great shows, movies, games, books and comics with a hero protagonist always explores the villain's backstory, as well as hero's backstory. We already got how Jack became Samurai Jack from the first episode but this episode from season 3 explores Aku's origins and it's told masterfully. Usually villain origins are great if the villain is sympathetic or you understand their goal. That's not the case for Aku here because he was a part of a dark entity in space. Since Samurai Jack has religion(s) for greater good, there has to be a Satan of the religion(s) and Aku represents Satan. That does make Aku a cliched villain with only goal to rule everything and destroy what's good, Aku's sinister tone, his sense of humor and his charisma make him above almost any cliched villain I can think of. And this episode tells us how Aku was born and it's so engaging to see. Jack's father also gets a role in this and his entire motivation is similar to Jack's, tho Jack lost everything whereas Jack's father was in danger of losing everything. So his battle against Aku is so powerful. One mortal army against an immortal Satan. It does make me wonder how Jack's father managed to stop Aku quicker than Jack? Did he also get the same fighting skills as Jack since he was a kid? Well, I suppose you do gotta prepare for any attacks to your village. This episode also explores origin of Jack's magic sword. Thanks to pure good inside Jack's dad, Aku is stopped for now and Jack is born. This was an epic way to make a story of a villain without adding any sympathy towards him. He's evil for sake of evil but he's also a charming character and this episode starts off one of the best villain's journey as well.
2. Jack and the Haunted House
Horror genre is probably the hardest genre to be tackled because it depends on how you can actually scare the crap out of people, while writing a compelling story for audience to care about the characters in danger. And I love horror for that. It brings us our worst nightmares or what has potential to be our nightmares and they make it a fun ride. Admittedly horror in cartoons doesn't scare me anymore. When I watched Invader Zim, Gravity Falls and Courage as a teen, I didn't get scared for most of their scenes because when it's animated, I know it's fake, so it doesn't scare me. Good live-action movies or shows with horror elements do scare me because that feels so realistic to me. That doesn't mean I don't love horror in animation. In fact, I admire it so much that more shows, especially adult shows should do more horror. This episode of Samurai Jack didn't scare me but it was one of the most unsettling pieces of horror I've ever seen. Jack and the girl's journey to search for the girl's family becomes more and more scary for the characters and horror stories are engaging if you feel the same fear the characters do. This episode masterfully does that with some great horror scenes, as well as one of the best animated sequences I've ever seen and boy, that got a bit under my skin. This episode uses haunted house premise and it goes full with it without relying on gore and violence. I think most horror stories have to have a tragic or sad ending but occasionally brining happy ending to it is acceptable for the characters you love. And I'm glad at the end, the girl manages to get her family back and they live happily ever after. This doesn't even have Aku's evilness nor a path for Jack's home. It doesn't even need to be. It's one episodic horror time and it's perfect.
Before number 1,
Jack and the Traveling Creatures, The Aku Infection, Jack and the Spartans, Jack in Egybt, Jack and the Flying Prince and Princess, Jack Learns to Jump Good, Jack vs Ninja, The Four Seasons of Death, Jack and the Three Blind Archers and Samurai vs Samurai
and my number one is
1) Jack and the Monks
Not only this is my favorite episode in the entire series, this is the episode that I believe many people should reconsider watching it. I haven't come across to much who appreciated this episode and I suppose under episodes like Jack Remembers the Past, The Birth of Evil, Premiere Movie, Jack vs Aku, Jack and the Spartans and Jack and the Scotsman; it makes sense but why I think this episode is the best episode in the entire series is that it reveals a big truth. Jack has to climb the biggest mountain that no one managed to reach to the top, so he can learn about the truth and during this journey, he comes across to his biggest challange yet. Nature. There's no villain here, except for nature. Jack trained for his whole life to stop Aku and during every lost in fight, he gets a bit more pessimistic and it's normal to think that. And climbing into the mountain is actually the hardest thing a person can accomplish with strength. The more Jack climbs to the mountain, the more Jack gets broken, tired and injured and that's the deal of this episode. In the end, Jack manages to reach to the top of the mountain and there's nothing there. No portal to the past or a magical device that can kill Aku once and for all. There's only the truth and that truth is to never give up. It'd feel to some people that this is a meaningless task that there's no reward or anything else. It shouldn't be some sort of reward for people. In my view, it's supposed to show that challenges you face in your life are always going hard and you have to hold onto those because eventually you'll get your reward or something meaningful. Jack learns about the truth of life and that's the whole point of this episode. Never giving up is a cheesy message but this episode uses this message better than almost anything else I've seen because climbing a mountain seems impossible in people's mind and during that, there's no short cut. You have to word really hard to get what you want and that could be pretty inspiring. And because of these reasons,this episode is my all-time favorite episode and it's the best character study in the entire show.
Thank you all for reading this. Making this list was a blast and I'll see you all in a different list.
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This post was created over the days of August 15th and 16th (edited August 31st). It was posted (I hope) on time on September 4th at 1:00 PM ET.
This is part 1 out of 3 (hopefully if I can remember to do it over the school year) of sbl's middle to high transition long ass blog story extravaganzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (that's the full name). This part talks about my projections on the school year before school starts on September 5th.
IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN doodludo, doodludodo~
Here in Ontario (Canada), we have 2 levels of early childhood education known as the EMBARRASSMENT YEARS lovely JK and SK (Junior and Senior Kindergarten). Then, the HARD AND PAINFUL 8 levels of elementary education with 3 of them (grade 6, 7, and 8) in the middle/junior high level. I just finished Grade 7 on June 29th and am going to Grade 8 on September 5th. Now, I'm not any of these people:
- that popular kid in school who has a bunch of friends and acts like a dick to other people and grows up to be a nobody
- that kid who's an athlete and thinks he's better than everyone
- that kid who tries to keep up with popular culture around the school and in the world and starts becoming a walking meme
- that kid who tries to fit in with the popular kids and does but gets shunned out and his/her friends don't care if he/she comes crawling back
- that kid who's weird to others
- *insert another "that kid" stereotype here*
I am none of these (so far ). I'm sort of my own category. I mean, I don't know if saying that I'm my own category makes me sound stupid, but here's why I can justify it: I'm not popular (as of now), but I hang out with the kEwL kIdS and also have kEwL friends and half-friends in random classes and in my own class. I'm not an athlete, but I do sometimes keep up with pop culture and love those dank memays. I was weird/odd from JK to grade 3, then I matured. And I'm sort of just antisocial. Now that my grade 8 friends from the 2016-2017 year are gone, I think I'll start to become a little more antisocial (and probably just talk on the SBC Discord...which you can join >>>here<<<...ha shameless plug) but will still talk to people. It's better than playing soccer every single fucking day, or going to study hall, or doing ONE thing everyday.
My class last school year was trash for the 1st term (semester) but was great for the 2nd, and I was basically friends or acquaintances with my whole class (we even had inside jokes), but the problem we all had little to no common interests, and we couldn't be like the gifted classes that hangout together at lunch. I also am in a school isn't the best either. It has its ups and downs, including a nice DT lab (design and technology/workshop/shop), nice office staff (although the principal is leaving and she's being replaced by some other guy), and a really good guidance counselor (never had to talk to her so idk how true that is though). It has some sketchy kids though (one 7th grade boy in my class brought a knife to school and threatened to stab a 6th grade girl and got expelled). They do some weird shit and are a group of mixed girls and boys...vaping and probably smoking that Mary Jane (which is going to be legalized across Canada by July 2018 wewwwwwwwww)... breaking stuff, getting the police or fire department called...but I usually stay away from them unless they're people I can trust.
Anyways, here are my predictions about how my life will be during the 2017-2018 school year:
- I will stay the the way I am in terms of friends but may gain more.
- I'll be more appreciated (I mean...I hope)
- Something major will happen (probably with those sketchy kids)
Overall, I believe that this will be a nice last middle/junior high school year. Also, here is a rundown of what these parts will be about:
- Part 1 (this part) - Before school outlook/predictions
- Part 2 - 1st to 2nd semester switch, a look back on the 1st, and a new outlook for the 2nd
- Part 3 - Last day and Grade 8 graduation
So yeah. This is my big blog story adventure. Hopefully I will remember to do it on these days. I'm gone. PYEASE
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Now unlike the emoji movie graham crackers that i reviewed on sbm, I didn't buy these pretzels on my own need. My mom was literally at the store and bought them without telling me!
Emoji Movie Snyder's pretzels (our house is a mess).
I bet you're wondering what kind of cool shapes do they have...
Well I kinda forgot to take a picture but those shapes unlike the artly graham cracker ones are not original. I gotta say these are some lazy af pretzel designs. Especially for an emoji movie promotion.
Appearance Score: 4/10
They're regular Snyder's Pretzels
Taste Score: 8/10
Not much. Not that many jokes to make about these. My mom just gave them to me and I was like "cool".
Meme Score: 2/10
They're still a good snack but not really worth buying for the branding. In all honesty just get the snyder's Olde Tyme pretzels. That shit is lit. The sourdough utz pretzels are good too.
Overall Score: 14/30
To be continued?
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Wanted to flesh out some of my thoughts on who I think will run in the 2020 presidential election in both parties.
The Democratic Party is such a damn mess right now that I think the 2020 primaries are going to be a circus shit show similar to that of the Republicans in 2020. The following are candidates that I think are all but guaranteed to run (copied from a comment I left on my previous blog post with some additional commentary):
Kamala Harris - A rising star in the Democratic Party and a favorite of the liberal establishment; seen as a worthy successor to the Clinton/Obama wing of the party. Likely the person the media/DNC will support as the frontrunner in 2020 if she decides to run (and she is definitely running lol). Unfortunately, Harris is predisposed to the same kind of generalities that Hillary Clinton was. While she's only 8 months into her term as Senator, her entire platform consists solely of being anti-Trump. While she was a more aggressive Attorney General of California, she also noticeably failed to bring charges again Steve Mnuchin (Trump's Secretary of the Treasury) and his bank, who donated to Harris's Senate campaign. She is definitely a corporate Democrat, albeit one who seems to be a little more outgoing than Clinton.
Joe Biden - This man is restless and feels an obligation to fulfill his son's dying wish to run for president again; seems to think he has more to contribute to the country before actually retiring. While he is in many ways a part of the Clinton/Obama establishment, he is also a bit of a John McCain-esque maverick and prone to off-color utterances. Doubt the DNC would support him over Kamala, even with Obama's support – which would place Obama in an awkward position in 2020. He has an unusually close bond with his former Vice President, but endorsing Biden would place him at odds with the candidate the Democratic establishment sees as his successor.
Bernie Sanders OR Tulsi Gabbard - If Bernie Sanders decides not to run, there's no doubt in my mind that he will prod Gabbard to run in his place. They would not run against each other. Gabbard will only run if Sanders persuades her to, and to be honest, I don't think he will run again in 2020. He realizes his movement and the success of it is greater than himself and that his agenda has a greater chance of being achieved if somebody like Gabbard is leading the ticket. Gabbard, however, may opt out of running. She would, at age 39, be the youngest president in history and would face the opposite sort of criticism that Sanders receives. While critics claim Sanders will be too old to run in 2020, it's likely Gabbard would be seen as too young and inexperienced.
Elizabeth Warren - I think had Clinton not run in 2016, Warren would have. She has presidential ambitions, is one of the leading voices of the progressive faction of the Democrats, and also tends to appeal to the establishment in the way that Sanders/Gabbard doesn't (famously neglected to endorse Sanders in the primaries and later was considered to be Clinton's VP). She has made consistently made headlines on news outlets and social media for her adamant opposition against Trump ("she persisted" was a big story, for example). I don't see her passing up the opportunity to bear the progressive mantle against Trump (or Pence) in 2020.
The following candidates are several Democrats whose candidacy I don't think is quite as certain as those above:
Joe Kennedy III - The charismatic third-term redhead congressman from Massachusetts, Kennedy is another member of Congress whose stock is rising (similar to Harris). He has stoked up his opposition to President Trump in recent months and at age 36 represents a youthful exuberance that could bode well with the American electorate. Beyond that, as a member of the Kennedy family, he enjoys automatic name recognition. He is the grandson of RFK and great-nephew of JFK, and seems to have inherited their oratory skills and good looks (which, whether we like it or not, helps a candidate). Another speculated candidate is Caroline Kennedy, the daughter of President Kennedy and former ambassador to Japan, but if a Kennedy is going to run again, I doubt the family will choose Carolina, who lacks the charm and TV presence of Joe. If she were to run, which is very possible, I do believe she'd be a frontrunner simply because of the grace and positivity associated with the Kennedy brand.
Mark Cuban - Another billionaire? Yeah lol. And if you're thinking, "No way he runs, he has no interest in running for office!" may I remind you that we have Donald Trump sitting in the White House right now (atm he's actually in New Jersey lmao but I digress). Cuban has been involved in politics as early as the 2008 election and his parallels with Trump are uncanny. He is essentially a more liberal Donald Trump without the same level of bombast (although he is still prone to saying things that make you turn your head). He's a television star as a panelist on the ABC Show Shark Tank and owns the Dallas Mavericks. If Trump manages to stay on the ticket for 2020 and survives guaranteed primary challengers to again gain the Republican nomination, I wouldn't be surprised to see a billionaire vs. billionaire matchup. I don't think Cuban would get far enough to become the Democratic nominee, but if he were to run, I think he'd be able to form a formidable campaign with a base of Democrats who think the path to victory is fighting fire with fire.
Mark Zuckerberg - Same thing as above. "What? He wouldn't run!" It looks like he might. One of the defining characteristics of Zuckerberg is that he is insanely competitive and ambitious. His penchant for buying companies and blatantly copying companies that refuse to be bought (see Snapchat) has contributed to Facebook's exponential growth. For comparison's sake, Facebook made nearly 3x the revenue that the Trump Organization did in 2016. Zuckerberg would be a businessman who has a reputation for legitimate and known success in a way that Trump and Cuban might not have had. Additionally, Zuckerberg has been on a yearlong "listening" tour of all 50 states. Suspicious? He has also hired President Obama's 2008 campaign manager, Hillary's 2016 chief campaign strategist and pollster, and President W. Bush's 2004 campaign manager to work for Zuckerberg's foundation. Even more telling, no? Zuckerberg has said he's not going to run in 2020, but that means nothing. Every potential presidential candidate ever has denied running before they run. It's not a guarantee Zuckerberg will run, but it wouldn't be a ball out of left field if he did.
Terry McAuliffe - A more vanilla-candidate, I could see McAuliffe tossing his hat into the ring just to see what would happen. Maybe he could get lucky as a compromise nominee (unlikely). He's a major player in the Clinton camp – served as chairman of the DNC, co-chair of Bill Clinton's 1996 campaign, and chair of Hillary Clinton's 2008 campaign. Currently the governor of Virginia and a run of the mill Democrat with positions that nearly perfectly mirror Hillary Clinton's.
Eric Garcetti - Mayor of Los Angeles with little national name recognition. Member of the Clinton wing. Jewish and Mexican-American, could gain traction with those groups. Ultimately too boring for voters should he run.
Martin O'Malley - I think he'll run again with the same mindset as McAuliffe. He'll ultimately be blown out of the water by the more interesting candidates in the same way that Rick Perry and Bobby Jindel were in the 2016 Republican primary.
The Republican Party won big in 2016, and yet they have been unable to convert to a first down. They are broken in a million factions and have the least popular president in modern history carrying the banner of their party. Because of that, it's all but guaranteed that we will see primary challengers to whoever is president in 2020.
Donald Trump - There's a million different scenarios for 2020 on the Republican side. If Trump doesn't get impeached and is still president when 2020 rolls around, there is no doubt in my mind that somebody is going to challenge him in 2020. The Republicans will be forced to have legitimate primaries because of how unpopular the president is, and that would be incredibly unusual. For incumbent presidents, their primaries are a cakewalk and run unopposed. There is precedent for this happening, however. President Franklin Pierce (back in the 1850s lmao) lost his bid for the Democratic nomination to James Buchanan, who ultimately held onto the White House for the Democrats in the 1856 election. Trump, in my opinion, will face a similar situation should he run in 2020.
Mike Pence - The likeliest situation (imo) is that Trump is out of the picture and President Pence is looking to launch his own independent bid for 2020. In this scenario, the Republicans are (again) split. Pence represents the Trumpists in this scenario (naturally, as his VP) and it's likely a good chunk of Trump's supporters in 2016 would support Pence in 2020. Unlike Trump, Pence is acceptable to the Republican establishment, as well as the Tea Party. HOWEVER, the other half of Republicans will want a clean break with the Trump/Pence years – which leads to the following candidates...
John Kasich - One of few candidates to not rule out a 2020 bid, I believe Kasich might have newfound popularity within the moderate branch of the GOP, as well as with disillusioned conservatives reeling from the fallout of a Trump impeachment or resignation.
Ted Cruz - An incredibly ambitious Texan, I do believe that Cruz would run against Pence (despite them sharing several of the same views). Cruz owes nothing to Pence, who left Congress right when Cruz was entering (Cruz served in the Senate and Pence in the House anyway, so there wouldn't have been overlap). Cruz also has a penchant for not giving a shit about political fallout, such as when he led the charge for the government shutdown in 2013 (when he was only 10 months into his term). He's a darling of hardline conservatives and has a fairly clean record without scandal. He's a Cuban-American (born in Canada lol) already with national name recognition and having come in 2nd place to Trump has the ability to claim he's the candidate most suited to assume the nomination in 2020 (over Pence, who wasn't chosen by Republican voters in 2016).
It's difficult to gauge what other candidates may pop up in 2020, particularly given the vastness of the 2016 field, as well as the uncertainty of Trump and Pence going into the election.
Ultimately, I'm predicting a Democratic victory in 2020 depending on the candidates of either party. For example, I believe Pence has a better shot at victory than Trump does, particularly if Kamala Harris is the nominee. However, if Joe Biden were to run against Pence, that'd be a Biden victory. Ultimately, the Democrats' potential candidates are much stronger than the Republicans' potential candidates. The Democrats also have on their side the fact that voters like to vote out the party in power, especially with an unpopular president.
So this takes a bit of context to understand what went on. In no way am I able to see anyone's passwords. SBC stores your password in an encrypted way that cannot be decrypted, so there is no way that I can ever see your password. You can see how this works through this link. There's no way for me to decrypt it without knowing your password, which makes decrypting it absolutely pointless.
Anyways... a few days ago, I got bored and decided to see if any accounts have the same password. While SBC stores passwords in an encrypted way, if two accounts have the same password, both accounts would have the same encrypted password. Then I discovered something: spongebobfan29 and ImTheKinda1997 have the same passwords!
I thought this was weird, so I checked out their profiles. Both of them had stopped going on SBC on October 4th, 2015. This is getting oddly suspicious, I thought to myself, and I looked at their posts. There was, in no way, any distinguishing characteristics between the two accounts. They had to be the same person owning both accounts.
So I merged them. Of course, I don't merge without getting the opinions of others, but I'm fairly certain that this was a multiple account issue.
All in a day's work on SBC.
Tho I still have no idea if spongebobfan29 is a boy or a girl, but I'm gonna say boy.
episode 1a store wars
(we open up to spongebob pokemonpants watching tv)
spongebob pokemonpants:ugh oh no it's one of those half hours when their is nothing to watch
(spongebob pokemonpants walks out to his room which had way too many toys and yet they manage to all fit)
spongebob pokemonpants:i've played with all these toys 900 times i might as well get 50 new toys
(spongebob pokemonpants walks over to yellowshadow's house)
spongebob pokemonpants:yellow i need you to take me to walmart
yellow shadow:but that's all the way into the real world
spongebob pokemonpants:i would go to the store in sbmville but remember when we went there last time
(yellowshadow was near the cash register)
yellowshadow:i want a mcdonalds happy meal
cash manager:sir how many times to i have to tell you that we don't serve them go to mcdonalds if you want to buy a happy meal
yellowshadow:buy me a happy meal
(the cash manager pulls a laser out and hits spongebob pokemonpants on accident thus turning him into a demiveemon and mudkip hybrid)
yellowshadow:really they tried to mix me with mudkip dna for wanting a happy meal
spongebob pokemonpants:really it was in a walmart the best store ever
(yellowshadow turns his head)
(yellowshadow:look a happy meal with a white dino thunder ranger toy)
spongebob pokemonpants:were that's one of my 8 favorite suits for not having a black eye thing like most suits do
(spongebob pokemonpants runs outside to get the toy)
yellow shadow:thank ssj he's gone
(yellow shadow locks the door and windows to keep spongebob pokemonpants out)
spongebob pokemonpants:aw it's just an operation overdrive figure
(outside spongebob pokemonpants was banging on the door)
spongebob pokemonpants:i guess he locked it oh well to the end of town
(5 seconds was wasted on spongebob pokemonpants walking then we saw a computer screen)
spongebob pokemonpants:computer open the portal to walmart
(a portal opened in the computer screen then it sucked spongebob pokemonpants in and turned him into a human but with blue skin)
spongebob pokemonpants:oh a walmart
(goes inside then buys all the stuff from the gumball machines)
spongebob pokemonpants:next up is pokemon cards
(next we see an aisle with every card game but pokemon)
spongebob pokemonpants:where are my pokemon cards
greninja:i am turning them all into barney training cards
(spongebob pokemonpants screams so much the camera breaks then the hole in the camera absorbs greninja)
greninja:i will get you back someday
spongebob pokmonpants:now i need a my little pony toy
(5 minutes from the toy aisle vladimir king was holding a dora the explorer shirt)
vladimir king:hey um pokemonpants spongebob i was just getting this dora shirt
spongebob pokemonpants:did you just call me by the wrong name that's it it's behavior card day
`(this of this scene is cut do to being an unfunny meme and due to the rest of the people not even being in school)
vladmir king:did we really have to do that unfunny meme also nothing happened and taking that toy thing was stealing
sponebob pokemonpants fine i'll cut it from the episode
(yellowshadow was shown next to a my little pony toy)
pongebob pokemonpants:yellowshadow i have a bone to pick with you
(spongebob pokemonpants goes near yellowshadow and literally picks a bone from his arm)
Yellowshadow:how dare you i will get revenge
(yellow dahdow goes next to pinkie pie and bites her head off)
Spongebob pokemonpants:you monster how dare you now to call ebay and have it sell your house
Spongebob pokemonpants:now to buy dvds
Yellowshadow:about that an sbm user already bought them all
Spongebob pokemonpants:now to fix the mlp toy
(he fixes it)
Spongebob pokemonpants:wait this isn’t a walmart it’s the stupid ripoff kmart
Yellowshadow:vladmir king you need to get out of the store
(yellowshadow and vladmir king rush out of the store)
(Spongebob pokemonpants turns into a unicorn)
Spongebob pokemonpants:now to burn kmart
(spongebob pokemonpants used his unicorn horn to bring gas and matches near where he was then put the match in the gas)
Spongebob pokemopants:now to use my magic to save all he toys
(spongebob pokemonpants uses his magic to save all the kmart toys then after he does the fire happens)
Spongebob pokemonpants:oh look something good is finally on
(spongebob pokemonpants begins to glow until a cop appears)
Ssj:spongebob pokemonpants you are under arrest
Spongebob pokemonpants:aw man
(spongebob pokemonpants gets handcuffed)
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You know, as I learned, writing a Bottom 10 isn't really all that fun. Definitely not this one either. Putting on boring songs that you basically have no commentary for and putting a song on the Bottom 10 that I know a lot of people would disagree with. And being the excellent year that 1999 is, there were slim pickings for the worst list. But you know what is fun? Making an excellent Top 10 I know people would agree with.
Somebody once told me that 1999 was the best year for '90s music ever. That somebody was me and a bunch of other people too. I could make, like, a Top 40 for this year if I wanted to. Unfortunately, I only have to talk about 10 songs. 10 awesome songs. The best of the best. Here we go. Without further stalling, I finally present to you...
Fred's Top 10 Songs of 1999Spoiler
I honestly haven't met any living soul who hates The Goo Goo Dolls.
10. "Black Balloon" - Goo Goo Dolls
Really, what is there to hate about them anyways? I'd say that they're a much more sappier version of Gin Blossoms but is that really a bad thing at all? No, this song and band is just awesome.
Lead singer Johnny Rzeznik said that this song was about a woman who is struggling with a heroin addiction and her lover who is desperately trying to save her. It's also about seeing someone you love that is so great just screw up so bad. It could be about any of those things. What I like about this song is just how the song treats the subject matter by sounding a little emotional but at the same time, sounding more lively. I feel like that's how all subject matters be treated. Don't care what most of you think, clearly the Goo Goo Dolls did something right.Spoiler
Some things, I feel like shouldn't be said. I mean, saying them isn't illegal or anything, it's just........very strange. It'd probably be something you would probably get made fun of for. I mean, you can say something ridiculous like "Here's a Ricky Martin song on my Top 10" after you just put one of his songs on a Bottom 10 list a while ago. There is no way in hell that Ricky Martin's gonna be able to top artists like Goo Goo Dolls or Mariah Carey or Matchbox 20. There's no fucking way.
Anyways, here's a Ricky Martin song on my Top 10.
9. "Livin' la Vida Loca" - Ricky Martin
Okay, I might be getting a little flak putting this guy over many better artists, but yet there's something about this song that makes me just love it. I mean, it's stupid, for sure, but it's an incredibly energetic and catchy song and Ricky Martin's just having a blast performing it. That and it sounds way more lively than Ricky's other song. Hell, I'm pretty sure it would kick ass even completely in Spanish!
Actually, I don't think any song that's in primarily another different language makes the song bad. I mean, I like "99 Luftballons" and that song is completely in German. If the production of your song is actually more lively then boring, then who gives a shit about the language?
Okay, I think I'm going on a completely different tangent here. Point is, this is a great Ricky Martin song, and will probably be my only favorite.Spoiler
8. "No Scrubs" - TLC
To me, TLC was the girl group that did everything right to the genre this year. While you've got Destiny's Child singing about demanding their spouses to pay their bills and Blaque doing...
...that, TLC are doing what they do best. Telling off the people they don't like. Scrubs.
Not that Scrubs, of course. Comedy Central has a lot of nerve replacing my Always Sunny reruns with that show, though. But I digress.
That's what I like about TLC. They are not afraid to get back at their enemies. They're an incredibly ballsy and badass group. I have no problem with this being the #2 song of the year. And really, anyone who disagrees with that is a scrub. And a scrub is a person who won't get no love from me.Spoiler
Okay, so putting that Ricky Martin song on my Top 10 was embarrassing, what other embarrassing choice will I make next?
I suppose that the next song on my list is gonna be from some boy band but there's no way that's gonna happen, right?
......Christ, what has 1999 done to me?
7. "I Want It That Way" - Backstreet Boys
Actually, you know what? I am gonna stand for this choice. You can say what you want about the Backstreet Boys all you want, but this song is practically untouchable. You'd pretty much have to be dead inside not to enjoy this. (Yeah, even you boy band haters.) While doing this project, I've had it get stuck in my head multiple times. I can't even get myself to stop singing it. And that part before the last chorus is just awesome.
That's right. I don't wanna hear you say you don't like that part.
I honestly think that this is one of those iconic songs of 1999. Even more iconic than "All Star", which I kinda got tired of hearing of. I dunno, blame the over-saturation of Shrek memes on YouTube. This song, though? I will probably never get tired of this song. And why should I? Why should you? For the love of god, sing it already!Spoiler
All right, so I should probably be done with embarrassing myself even more on this list. Be glad that the rest of this list is rock-dominant.
6. "Fly Away" - Lenny Kravitz
This is Lenny Kravitz. The guy who wrote "Justify My Love" and nothing else. Nah, I kid. He definitely wrote other better music. This being one of them.
I honestly see why this is his best song. The one everyone loves. This song pretty much establishes Lenny Kravitz's title as the king of funk rock. Starts out with a nice guitar hook and then kicks in and gets even better from there. And of course, Lenny Kravitz's voice is awesome. I can't name one thing I don't like about this song. I think it deserves the spot as Lenny's magnum opus song. YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH!Spoiler
You didn't think I would make this Top 10 without acknowledging the Chili Peppers, right?
5. "Scar Tissue" - Red Hot Chili Peppers
This is, like, one of those near-perfect songs that the Red Hot Chili Peppers ever did. It could just be the nostalgia bias talking but this was the first ever song I've heard from them. After hearing this song, I knew I had to check out more songs from this band. Along with the Californication album which is really great, by the way.
This is one of the more chiller songs in their repertoire, which is one of the things I like about the band. After hearing Lenny Kravitz rock out, I sure needed this song to put me in a chiller mood. But that's the Chili Peppers for you.Spoiler
You know, talking about acts like Lenny Kravitz and Red Hot Chili Peppers are great and all, but let's take a moment to talk about a one hit wonder.
4. "Save Tonight" - Eagle-Eye Cherry
Yeah, why not follow a chill song with an even chiller song? This song always seems to make me happy every time I listen to it. I mean, one of the lyrics is "Let's delay our misery". Listening to this song really makes me want to delay my misery and just become a happy man.
Why this got the nod over "Scar Tissue" is because it's an incredibly positive and feel good song. And we could always use songs like this every year. Let's just let the music do the talking while I move on to the next entry.Spoiler
Sometimes in music, you can easily hook someone in with a great riff. Or you can easily hook someone in with the first line straight at the beginning of your song. Well, there's a song this year that did both of those things and I think you know what it is.
I WISH YOU WOULD STEP BACK FROM THAT LEDGE, MY FRIIIIIIIIEND
3. "Jumper" - Third Eye Blind
I swear, that's one of the best ways to start out a song. But enough about intros, let's gush about more of what makes this song great.
The lead singer himself, Stephan Jenkins said this was about a friend who was gay (Not that there's anything wrong with that) who jumped off a bridge and killed himself. That's where the first line of the song comes from. He also said that the inspiration also came from some emotional experiences he had from his childhood. His parents divorced, he was poor and went to a rich high school, he was dyslexic and still has ADD. His life was.........extremely rough, to say the least. This song is about facing the traumatizing events you've had in the past and putting them all away, which is a nice message to put out there. It's also great to see that message backed up with awesome rock music.
A song with a great opening, a nice message, an awesome guitar solo in the middle, and a cool snare coda at the end. I think that's all there needs to be said about this song. If you don't like it, well..............I won't understand.Spoiler
Putting Ricky Martin above the Goo Goo Dolls on here was a strange move to make. I mean, putting a song from a guy who I don't even care for above a song from a band that I really like? Maybe I am livin' la vida loca...
Despite that, I still managed to find a Goo Goo Dolls to top both of those songs. And make no mistake, it's my favorite Goo Goo Dolls song from this year.
2. "Iris" - Goo Goo Dolls
Out of the three songs they released this year, I chose this one as my favorite. Simply because it's the most powerful and emotional out of them all. Complete with the great production and, of course, Johnny Rzeznik's excellent voice, it really makes for a great song.
Like I said before, I would put this band up with Gin Blossoms as one of my favorite pop rock bands of all time. Whenever we can't get a Gin Blossoms song, I'll always count on the Goo Goo Dolls for songs like these. And really, what kind of soulless person wouldn't?Spoiler
If there's anything that's cool about this year, it's that two artists managed to make comeback songs this year. The first one we have is Cher.
This is her song "Believe". A song I've been pondering about putting on my Bottom 10. But really, should I really be too hard on this song? Is it really Bottom 10 material? Well.......no.
That song actually began to grow on me a lot. Not too much though because, well, it has the same issue I have with "All Star". Over-saturation. I live near a nightclub and one night, they played that song on repeat all night long. I couldn't get to sleep without thinking about that song. Hearing Cher using auto-tune in my thoughts. But despite that one experience, I really can't be too hard on the song anymore. I can't be too hard on Cher for my nightclub playing that song all night. So at best, the song is okay. Not a bad song at all but not something I totally love.
Meanwhile, the other comeback artist that year collaborated with another singer and released what I would consider to be the best song of 1999. Though given that he's one of the most influential guitarists of all time, I knew I had to send it to the top. So here he is. Carlos god damn Santana.
1. "Smooth" - Santana featuring Rob Thomas
While I would understandably get tired of "Believe", I can't imagine I will ever get tired of this song. This is a masterpiece of a song and I don't wanna hear anyone say otherwise.
Not only is this song fronted by a legendary guitarist, who proved that he can still rock his way into relevancy, it's also accompanied by Rob Thomas of Matchbox 20 fame, who does a really great job as the lead singer with his excellent vocals. Complete with two awesome guitar solos at the middle and end.
The song also became a massive success too. It won three Grammys. It was the #2 song of 2000 (blocked by fucking Faith Hill, of all artists). Hell, even Billboard ranked it as the second successful song in Billboard history. Can't really argue with them. With a song as awesome as this, it deserves it. As it also deserves to be my favorite song of 1999.
- “Smooth” – Santana featuring Rob Thomas
- “Iris” – Goo Goo Dolls
- “Jumper” – Third Eye Blind
- “Save Tonight” – Eagle-Eye Cherry
- “Scar Tissue” – Red Hot Chili Peppers
- “Fly Away” – Lenny Kravitz
- “I Want It That Way” – Backstreet Boys
- “No Scrubs” – TLC
- “Livin la Vida Loca” – Ricky Martin
- “Black Balloon” – Goo Goo Dolls
- “Heartbreaker” – Mariah Carey featuring Jay-Z
- “Out of My Head” – Fastball
- “…Baby One More Time” – Britney Spears
- “Slide” – Goo Goo Dolls
- “What It’s Like” – Everlast
- “Back 2 Good” – Matchbox 20
- “That Don’t Impress Me Much” – Shania Twain
- “Take Me There” – Blackstreet featuring Mýa, Mase and Blinky Blink
- “Every Morning” – Sugar Ray
- “Man! I Feel Like a Woman!” – Shania Twain
- “My Love Is Your Love” – Whitney Houston
- “Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem)” – Jay-Z
- “I’m Your Angel” - R. Kelly and Celine Dion
- “It’s Not Right but It’s Okay” – Whitney Houston
- “Nobody’s Supposed to Be Here” – Deborah Cox
- “Doo-Wop (That Thing)” – Lauryn Hill
- “Jamboree” – Naughty by Nature featuring Zhané
- “When You Believe” – Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey
- “Someday” – Sugar Ray
- “Kiss Me” – Sixpence None the Richer
- “I Still Believe” – Mariah Carey
- “All Star” – Smash Mouth
- “What’s It Gonna Be?!” – Busta Rhymes featuring Janet
- “All I Have to Give” – Backstreet Boys
- “She’s So High” – Tal Bachman
- “Unpretty” – TLC
- “Sweet Lady” – Tyrese
- “Miami” – Will Smith
- “Genie in a Bottle” – Christina Aguilera
- “Ex-Factor” – Lauryn Hill
- “If You Had My Love” – Jennifer Lopez
- “Where My Girls At” – 702
- “Ghetto Cowboy” – Mo Thugs
- “Give It To You” – Jordan Knight
- “The Hardest Thing” – 98 Degrees
- “Lullaby” – Shawn Mullins
- “When a Woman’s Fed Up” – R. Kelly
- “Can I Get A…” – Jay-Z featuring Amil and Ja Rule
- “Love Like This” – Faith Evans
- “A Lesson in Leavin’” – Jo Dee Messina
- “Hands” – Jewel
- “From This Moment On” – Shania Twain
- “Believe” – Cher
- “Summer Girls” – LFO
- “Because of You” – 98 Degrees
- “Write This Down” – George Strait
- “These Are the Times” – Dru Hill
- “Back at One” – Brian McKnight
- “Amazed” – Lonestar
- “(God Must Have Spent) A Little More Time on You” – Alabama and ‘N Sync
- “(God Must Have Spent) A Little More Time on You” – ‘N Sync
- “Last Kiss” – Pearl Jam
- “Faded Pictures” – Case featuring Joe
- “All Night Long” – Faith Evans featuring Puff Daddy
- “Angel” – Sarah McLachlan
- “I Do (Cherish You)” – 98 Degrees
- “Music of My Heart” – ‘N Sync and Gloria Estefan
- “Trippin’” – Total featuring Missy Elliott
- “Happily Ever After” – Case
- “I Will Remember You” – Sarah McLachlan
- “Anywhere” – 112 featuring Lil Zane
- “So Anxious” – Ginuwine
- “Better Days (And the Bottom Drops Out)” – Citizen King
- “Sometimes” – Britney Spears
- “Heartbreak Hotel” – Whitney Houston featuring Faith Evans and Kelly Price
- “Please Remember Me” – Tim McGraw
- “Fortunate” – Maxwell
- “I Need to Know” – Marc Anthony
- “Satisfy You” – Puff Daddy featuring R. Kelly
- “Angel of Mine” – Monica
- “Spend My Life With You” – Eric Benét featuring Tamia
- “How Forever Feels” – Kenny Chesney
- “Bailamos” – Enrique Iglesias
- “You” – Jesse Powell
- “Bills, Bills, Bills” – Destiny’s Child
- "Chanté's Got a Man" - Chanté Moore
- “Steal My Sunshine” – Len
- “Back That Azz Up” – Juvenile featuring Mannie Fresh and Lil Wayne
- “Mambo No. 5” – Lou Bega
- “Lately” – Divine
- “Tell Me It’s Real” – K-Ci & JoJo
- “Stay the Same” – Joey McIntyre
- “She’s All I Ever Had” – Ricky Martin
- “808” – Blaque
- “If You” – Silk
- “Wild Wild West” – Will Smith featuring Dru Hill and Kool Moe Dee
- “Almost Doesn’t Count” – Brandy
- “Have You Ever” – Brandy
- “Who Dat” – JT Money featuring Solé
- “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” – Mark Chesnutt
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???: First of all, I would like to send a shout out to all the villains out there who crushed the heroes throughout the last month and finally proved that it's a good thing to be active without ever really being active, and that it does pay to be a villain.
The scene opens to a member in a darkened room, eating an obscenely large piece of cake.
???: I see it. I see it everyday. People talking amongst themselves. People envisioning themselves of who they want to be. But they do not have the courage, they are not bold enough to be who they really want to be, unlike myself. From the dark colors of my aesthetic, to the facial prosthetics that I wear on my face, to the freakin cheap disguises! THIS. IS. ME. I put myself into the position where I am venerated and open to praise from people like you. People, who are sheeps to society! People, who are caged and shackled by the system! People, who would live their lives as they are told to do so. They'll get an education that'll put them in shambles financially and mentally, they'll get a job that they can't stand, they will settle for a spouse who doesn't please them, they will have kids that will grow up to hate them! And then, you will grow old, you will decay, you will wither, and then, you will die. Whereas I, I shall live forever! So if it's such a piece of cake for you, then go ahead, choose life.
???: Choose life!
???: Choose life!
???: Choose life!
???: But why would I wanna go and do a thing like that? For I have chosen NOT to choose life, I decided on choosing something else! I have CHOSEN to live long enough to become...The Villain.
I'm calling you, SM.
And I'm calling YOU out, Netizens.
You are hurting Wendy.
She has gone from healthy to beyond anorexic. You broke. her.
SOMEBODY PLEASE GET THIS GIRL A CHEESEBURGER
You can see this poor girl's bones : (
The madness needs to stop.
Wendy was fine. She wasn't stick thin like other K-Pop idols, but she was still skinny. Probably skinner than most people in Korea.
She was healthy.
All I'm concerned about is the health of the idols I watch and listen to on the daily, and this has me worried to death.
Luna made a video a while back about how her pre-comeback diet is the "water diet."
As in, she only drinks water, no food.
She starves herself!
I wouldn't be surprised if all SM idols follow this same "diet," if you call it that.
Something needs to change in the Korean music industry. This is not normal.
But the thing is...
just about everyone does it.
Every K-Pop group does this shit every comeback.
This won't change unless fans put pressure on the industry to allow their idols to eat.
Until then... somebody get Wendy some Wendy's.
P.S. please listen to 빨간 맛 Red Flavor by clicking here. It is a bop.
OK...this is your first time doing this, Lettuce...don't freak out..deeep breaths...
So, now that's outta the way, hi there! My name is Retthi Manchot, but you can call me Lettuce. You're probably wondering how I accessed this site if it doesn't exist on Core Earth. Well, Omnus and Alpha had a malfunction with the Morphing Grid, it crossed over into the Warp...listen, it'll just sound weird if I explain it all, OK? Point is, this little mishap allows me, at least for a while, to access the internets of other universes! Isn't that cool?! Anyways, I'll use this little blog here to talk about whatever's on my mind.
Don't be shy introducing yourselves! I'm sure we can get along great! See ya soon!
(So, as I announced before, I'm creating this special character blog for the duration of SOF 7. Here, you can interact with Lettuce directly, asking him all kinds of questions, talking, etc. Hope you enjoy this as much as I will.)