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Mermaid Man: The Aquatic Avenger


JCM

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Episode One:

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(We open in a dark alleyway at nighttime. Gangsters Frank and Barry are unloading sacks of money from a pickup truck.)

Barry: Why are you so quiet tonight, Frank? You're usually blabbing up a storm during our warehouse shifts.

Frank: I'm just a bit uneasy. Did you hear about the mermaid man? Word on the street is he's been pummeling our boys for the last several days now.

Barry: (laughs) Mermaid man? You actually believe those rumors? Come on! We don't have to worry about some idiot in a bra!

Frank: I don't know. They say that he can fly, shoot waterballs. We should probably watch our backs.

Barry: Fly? Shoot waterballs? That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard!

(Zoom out to reveal Mermaid Man floating behind the gangsters.)

Mermaid Man: I'll say!

(The gangsters drop their sacks and run, and Mermaid Man flies after them with a waterball ready in his hand.)

(The theme song plays.)

(Cut to the local park. A boy is playing fetch with his worm when he throws the frisbee too high and it goes into a bush.)

Boy: Oh, barnacles!

Mother: Billy, language!

Billy: Sorry, mom.

(Billy runs to the bush, but when he sifts through the leaves, he finds that his frisbee is missing.)

(Cut to Mermaid Man's house. Mermaid Man, wearing nothing but a towel, walks down the stairs and turns on the television.)

News Reporter: The latest in a string of petty thefts has the police department grasping at straws.

Mermaid Man: Petty thefts?

Reporter: We have one of his recent victims here to describe what happened during their encounter.

Old Lady: I didn't even know he was there until I saw him running off with my purse. A sneaky lad, I'll tell you.

Reporter: There you have it. Who's this mysterious criminal, and will the police ever find him? Updates at 6.

(Mermaid Man turns off the television.)

Mermaid Man: I better go investigate this.

(Mermaid Man sprints into his room, puts on his costume, and flies out the window.)

Mermaid Man: (patrolling from the skies) Nothing fishy so far...well, besides all the fish.

(Mermaid Man starts to turn back before noticing a hermit crab pickpocket a man on the street.)

Mermaid Man: Bingo.

(Mermaid Man swoops down and punches the hermit crab in the gut, causing him to drop the stolen wallet and attempt to scatter away.)

Mermaid Man: Oh no, you don't! (grabs the hermit by the shirt)

Sneaky Hermit: Well, well, well. If it isn't the famed Mermaid Man!

Mermaid Man: The one and only.

Sneaky Hermit: What are you gonna do, now that you have me? Turn me over to the police?

Mermaid Man: That's the plan.

Sneaky Hermit: Well, try turning me over... (takes out a bottle of pepper spray) when you have THIS in your eyes!

(The Sneaky Hermit plasters Mermaid Man with the pepper spray, and as the hero covers his eyes in pain, the Sneaky Hermit makes his getaway.)

Sneaky Hermit: (laughs) The wondrous things you can find in an old lady's purse!

(Mermaid Man uncovers his now-red eyes and growls furiously. He throws a water ball at the running hermit, but the villain dodges it.)

Sneaky Hermit: Face it, Mermaid Man! You'll never stop me!

Mermaid Man: Oh, yeah?

(Suddenly, the waterball reverses its path and starts heading for the Sneaky Hermit again.)

Sneaky Hermit: WHAT?

(The waterball splashes in the Sneaky Hermit's face, causing him to fall to the ground. Mermaid Man flies up to the defeated criminal and handcuffs him.)

Mermaid Man: What do you think of my new boomerang waterball?

Sneaky Hermit: This is not over, Mermaid Man.

(Cut to a shot of the Sneaky Hermit in a jail cell.)

Sneaky Hermit: THIS IS NOT OVER!

Prison Guard: (eating a donut) Shaddup!

(The Sneaky Hermit take the frisbee he stole at the beginning of the episode out of his pocket. He turns it around to reveal that there's a stick of dynamite attached to it. He laughs maniacally.)

(Cut to Mermaid Man's house. Mermaid Man is watching a black and white sitcom when it's interrupted by another news report.)

Reporter: Breaking News! The Sneaky Hermit has escaped from prison!

Mermaid Man: (sighs) And during my favorite show, too. (puts on gloves and flies out the door)

(The End)

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Episode 2!

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(We open at the local malt shop, where teenagers are dancing to the latest underwater hits. A man with a red-and-blue suit and mask walks into the malt shop and pulls out a raygun.)

Masked man: Nobody move a muscle!

(The teenagers continue dancing. The masked man shoots at the parlor's jukebox, causing it to explode. The teenagers run to the other side of the shop in fear.)

Masked man: Thank you.

(The masked man walks to the counter and tickles the shaking cashier under the chin.)

Masked man: I'd like a seafoam soda, a kelpshake...and all the money in the cash register.

(The theme song plays.)

(Cut to another part of town. Mermaid Man is patrolling the streets in his invisible boatmobile when he hears a faint explosion.)

Mermaid Man: What was that?

(Mermaid Man turns the boatmobile around and speeds through the city, reaching the malt shop just as the teenagers desert it.)

Mermaid Man: (jumps out of the boatmobile) Hey, kid!

(Mermaid Man grabs one of the teenagers by the arm. The teenager tries to break his grip, but fails.)

Mermaid Man: What's going on in there?

Teenager: This guy in a creepy mask robbed the place!

Mermaid Man: Really? Where did he go?

Teenager: I don't know! He left out the back door! Can you let go of me now?

Mermaid Man: Fine, fine.

(Mermaid Man releases his grip on the teenager and flies over the malt shop.)

Teenager: (dumbfounded) I should not have taken those pills this morning.

(Cut to the masked man, who counts his loot while running from the scene of the crime. Mermaid Man spots him from above and lands in front of him.)

Mermaid Man: Halt, villain!

Masked man: (laughs) Wow, that's the cheesiest thing I ever heard. And I'm from Wisconsin, so that's saying a lot.

Mermaid Man: Wisconsin? Wait, you're from the land?

Masked man: Enough chit-chat! If you want to fight me, let's fight!

(The masked man pockets the stolen money and takes a swing at Mermaid Man. Mermaid Man dodges and uses his heat vision to burn a hole in the masked man's pocket. The money falls out, and Mermaid Man grabs it.)

Masked man: Hey, give that back!

Mermaid Man: Give what back? This? (sticks the money in his shirt) Come and get it!

(Mermaid Man soars into the air, and the masked man pulls out his raygun. He shoots at the hero a few times, but he misses, watching helplessly as Mermaid Man flies away.)

Masked man: You have not seen the last of me, mysterious flying man. You have not seen the last of Man Ray!

(Cut to the malt shop. The owner of the establishment is cleaning up the masked man's damage when Mermaid Man walks in.)

Owner: Sorry, but we're closed. (sees Mermaid Man) You! The Mermaid Man! I read about you in the newspaper, but I thought it was just more sensationalist garbage. What are you doing here?

Mermaid Man: I'm here to give you your money back.

(Mermaid Man takes the stolen money out of his shirt, and the owner receives it graciously.)

Owner: I...I don't know how to thank you.

Mermaid Man: All in a day's work! Now, if you excuse me, I have a rogue to bring to justice.

Owner: Good luck! Make sure to give him an extra-special hit for me!

Mermaid Man: Will do!

(Mermaid Man races out the malt shop and climbs into his invisible boatmobile, turning on the radio for further news of the masked man's mayhem.)

Reporter: (on the radio) And Man Ray is at it again!

Mermaid Man: So his name's Man Ray...

Reporter: Robbing a gas station on 58th Shell Street, he...

(Mermaid Man switches off the radio and drives to the gas station of 58th Shell Street. Once he gets out of the boatmobile, he sees three worried fish, tied to wooden chairs, on a puddle of gasoline.)

Mermaid Man: Who did this to you?

Man Ray: (offscreen) Do you need to ask?

(Man Ray appears from behind a gas pump with a lighter in one hand and a raygun in another.)

Man Ray: Come any closer and I'll blow these civilians sky high!

Mermaid Man: (grunts) Alright. You win. So, what are you going to do now? Run off with the money you stole?

Man Ray: Yes, but first I'm going to kill you.

(Man Ray shoots at Mermaid Man with his raygun, but Mermaid Man dodges the blasts and throws a waterball at Man Ray, causing the villain to drop his raygun and fall into the puddle of gasoline. Man Ray reaches for the raygun, but Mermaid Man quickly grabs it and points it at him.)

Man Ray: No! (slams his fist into the puddle) No, no, no!

(Cut to a shot of Man Ray, handcuffed, in the backseat of a police car.)

Man Ray: (chuckles lightly) That Mermaid Man fellow...I feel we'll be seeing a lot of each other in the coming years.

(The End)

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Episode 3!

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(We open with a shot of the Bikini Bottom Bank. An army of gunman march out the bank's doors with sacks of money in their hands.)

Gunman 1: Our boss will be pleased with this haul.

Gunman 2: Yes. One of us might even get a promotion!

Mermaid Man: (offscreen) Not if I have anything to say about it!

Gunmen: (gasps) Mermaid Man!

Mermaid Man: (jumps onscreen) In the living flesh!

(Mermaid Man punches one of the gunmen, knocking him out. The rest of the gunmen shoot at Mermaid Man, but he dodges the shots and uses his heat vision to burn their hands, causing them to drop their guns.)

Gunman 3: Let's get out of here!

(Mermaid Man summons a Raging Whirlpool, which spins the gunmen around and around until they fall to the ground unconscious. Just at that moment, several police cars drive onto the scene. Commissioner Johnson steps out of one of the cars and gives Mermaid Man a dirty look.)

Mermaid Man: Don't worry, I took care of the robbers for you. No need to thank me.

Commissioner Johnson: Thank you? Oh, on the contrary. We're going to arrest you. Cuff him, boys!

(One of the police officers put handcuffs around Mermaid Man's wrists.)

Mermaid Man: What?

Commissioner Johnson: We can't have people taking the law into their own hands. It would cause anarchy!

Mermaid Man: Well, that's something we disagree with, commissioner.

(Mermaid Man breaks his handcuffs effortlessly and flies away.)

Commissioner Johnson: We'll nab that vigilante one of these days.

(The theme song plays.)

(Cut to an abandoned warehouse. One of the gunmen from before tiptoes in front of the warehouse and knocks on the door.)

Voice: Who is it?

Gunman: It's Sal.

Voice: Sal! Did you and the others get what I requested?

Sal: Yes, but Mermaid Man stopped us before we could bring it to you.

Voice: (growls) I see.

(The door opens to reveal none other than the Dirty Bubble.)

Dirty Bubble: Well, what are we gonna do about it?

Sal: Teach him a lesson?

Dirty Bubble: I knew I raised you boys right! Where are the others?

Sal: They're in jail now. Mermaid Man did a number on them. I managed to sneak away before the cops could notice.

Dirty Bubble: I guess I'll have to leave it up to you, then. Find and kill Mermaid Man, and your reward will be most pleasant.

Sal: (bows) Yes, boss.

(The Dirty Bubble laughs maniacally, and Sal reluctantly joins him. The invisible boatmobile speeds past the warehouse.)

Dirty Bubble: Did you hear that?

Sal: It was probably the wind.

Dirty Bubble: I'm not sure. Go outside and check it out.

(Sal walks out of the warehouse and notices tire tracks under him. He follows the tire tracks to the Reef Cinema movie theater and sees Mermaid Man just as he goes in.)

Sal: (smiles) Jackpot.

(Sal storms into the movie theater, guns blazing, and terrified fish dive under tables. Mermaid Man is purchasing a bag of popcorn when this happens.)

Mermaid Man: (drops a 20 on the counter) Keep the change.

(Mermaid Man avoids Sal's bullets and grabs a bottle of ketchup and mustard from a nearly table. He leaps over the table and squeezes the bottles with all his strength, sending the ketchup and mustard right into Sal's eyes.)

Sal: (covers eyes) AUGH! I'll get you for this!

(Sal shoots randomly across the theater, and Mermaid Man kicks the blinded gunman in the face)

Mermaid Man: My condiments to the chef!

Sal: WHO WRITES THIS STUFF?

(Sal, eyes watering, continues to fire at Mermaid Man, but the hero kicks the guns out of Sal's hand and puts him in a stranglehold.)

Mermaid Man: Who do you work for?

Sal: I'll never tell you!

(Mermaid Man holds him tighter.)

Sal: You think you're so grand, but the mob, the mob's bigger than you, bigger than everyone!

Mermaid Man: So that's it? You work for the mob? Is that it?

(Sal passes out, and Mermaid Man drops him to the floor.)

Mermaid Man: Whatever this is, I'm getting to the bottom of it.

(The End)

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Episode 4!

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Narrator: Previously on Mermaid Man: The Aquatic Avenger...

Commissioner Johnson: We can't have people taking the law into their own hands.

Mermaid Man: Well, that's something we disagree with. (flies away)

(Cut to the abandoned warehouse.)

Dirty Bubble: Did you and the others get what I requested?

Sal: Mermaid Man stopped us before we could bring it to you.

Dirty Bubble: Well, what are we gonna do about it?

Sal: Teach him a lesson?

Dirty Bubble: I knew I raised you boys right!

(Sal storms into the Reef Cinema movie theater and shoots at a surprised Mermaid Man. Mermaid Man kicks the guns out of Sal's hand and puts him in a stranglehold.)

Mermaid Man: Who do you work for?

Sal: You think you're so grand, but the mob, the mob's bigger than you, bigger than everyone! (passes out)

Mermaid Man: Whatever this is, I'm getting to the bottom of it.

(The theme song plays.)

(Cut back to the abandoned warehouse. The Dirty Bubble is watching television when the phone beside him rings. The Dirty Bubble forms a hand and uses it to pick up the phone.)

Dirty Bubble: Hello?

Sal: (on the other end of the line) Bad news.

Dirty Bubble: Let me guess. Mermaid Man defeated you, and you're calling from prison.

Sal: (sighs) Yes, sir.

Dirty Bubble: (grunts) If you want something done right, do it yourself.

Sal: You mean you're going after him? With no help? You can't be serious!

Dirty Bubble: I've never been more serious about anything in my life. Mermaid Man will pay for crossing me!

(The Dirty Bubble hangs up the phone and grabs a small box from under his couch. He opens the box and takes out a rusty pistol.)

Dirty Bubble: Old Reliable, you've never let me down.

(The Dirty Bubble kisses the pistol and leaves the warehouse.)

Dirty Bubble: (exhales) Alright, Mermy-boy! Prepare to take a dirt nap!

(Cut to the police station. A detective walks into Commission Johnson's office and drops a pile of folders on his desk.)

Detective: Here's everything you need to know about your recent haul.

(Commissioner Johnson goes through the folders and smiles.)

Commissioner Johnson: Thank you. It's nice to get help from someone who actually works for the force.

Detective: I hope you don't mind me asking, but what's your problem with Mermaid Man, anyway? He takes care of criminals better than most of the guys you hired.

Commissioner Johnson: I do mind you asking.

Detective: Fair enough.

(The detective notices Mermaid Man watching them from the window behind Commissioner Johnson. Mermaid Man puts a finger to his mouth, and the detective nods.)

Commissioner Johnson: So, it seems that all of these thugs have one thing in common.

(Commissioner Johnson opens one of the folders to reveal a grainy photograph.)

Commissioner Johnson: Him. The most notorious mob boss in Bikini Bottom. The Dirty Bubble.

(Mermaid Man's eyes widen. He turns around and heads for his invisible boatmobile, but he finds the Dirty Bubble floating over it.)

Dirty Bubble: It seems that your invisible boatmobile has a not-so-invisible gas leak.

Mermaid Man: (growls) The Dirty Bubble!

Dirty Bubble: That's my name! (pulls out his pistol) Don't wear it out!

(Mermaid Man dodges the Dirty Bubble's gunshots and pushes a picking pin out of his glove. The Dirty Bubble looks at the pin in horror and shoot Mermaid Man's wrist so that he drops it.)

Mermaid Man: Ouch! Neptune's Beard!

Dirty Bubble: You aren't getting out of this that easy!

(Commissioner Johnson, hearing the gunshots, runs onto the scene.)

Commissioner Johnson: What the halibut is going on?

(The Dirty Bubble shoots at Commissioner Johnson, and he barely avoids getting hit.)

Dirty Bubble: Stay out of this, commissioner! This is between me and the superhero!

Commissioner Johnson: You're in no position to make demands of me! Frankly, you'll be a much more valuable prisoner than that vigilante!

(Mermaid Man sifts through the grass below him and finds the picking pin he dropped.)

Mermaid Man: (thinking) Great job stalling, commish!

Dirty Bubble: It looks like we're gonna have two dead bodies today!

(The Dirty Bubble aims his pistol at Commissioner Johnson, but before he can shoot, Mermaid Man's picking pin penetrates his back, causing him to explode.)

Commissioner Johnson: Thank you. (points a handgun at Mermaid Man) Now, you have the right to remain silent.

Mermaid Man: Oh, commissioner. Will you ever learn?

(Mermaid Man flies off with Commissioner Johnson blasting away from under him.)

Mermaid Man: (while fleeing) You're welcooooome!

(The End)

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Episode 5!

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(We open with a shot of City Hall. Mayor Goldstrom is playing with Newton's cradle on his office desk when he hears a scuffling sound in the distance.)

Goldstrom: Hello?

(Goldstrom shrugs and continues playing with the cradle. The scuffling sound gradually gets louder.)

Goldstrom: (looks up) Who's there?

(Goldstrom, visibly shaken, puts the toy away and peeks out of his office door.)

Goldstrom: Barbara, did we get any visitors?

Barbara: (offscreen) None that I know of.

(Goldstrom gulps and returns to his desk.)

Goldstrom: It's all in your head. It's all in your head.

(Suddenly, two long arms of kelp shoot out through the floorboards and grab each of Goldstrom's wrists.)

Goldstrom: (closes eyes) It's all in your head! It's all in your head!

(Goldstrom is pulled into the floor by the kelp, screaming all the way.)

(The theme song plays.)

(Cut to the Mermalair. Mermaid Man, accompanied by his young sidekick Barnacle Boy, walks into the lair with a piece of kelp in his hand.)

Barnacle Boy: Are you sure that stealing evidence from a crime scene is completely ethical?

Mermaid Man: (shakes the kelp) Hey, finders keepers!

(Mermaid Man puts the piece of kelp on a table, positioned under a hanging lamp. He then goes to a cabinet and takes out a newspaper from one of its drawers.)

Mermaid Man: A-ha! (points to an article in the newspaper) "Strange goings-on in the Kelp Forest". This is from less than a week ago, so they must be connected! Barnacle Boy, stay here and monitor the evidence. Call me on my walkie-talkie if you notice anything strange.

Barnacle Boy: Where will you be at?

Mermaid Man: Where else? The Kelp Forest!

(Cut to the Kelp Forest. Mermaid Man flies over the forest and uses his telescopic vision to scan the area.)

Mermaid Man: Where are you, Goldstrom?

(Mermaid Man spots the mayor tied to a tree and gagged by kelp.)

Mermaid Man: There you are!

(Mermaid Man flies down to Goldstrom and uses his heat vision to break the binding kelp.)

Mermaid Man: Who did this to you?

Goldstrom: I...I don't know. Really! I don't! One minute I was in my office, then...

(Suddenly, strings of kelp wrap around Mermaid Man's and Goldstrom's ankles and pull them down until they're both neck-high in mud.)

(Cut to the Mermalair. Barnacle Boy is reading through the newspaper that Mermaid Man left behind.)

Barnacle Boy: (yawns) I can't believe this. Mermaid Man's off fighting bad guys somewhere, while I'm holed up in this smelly cave watching over a stupid piece of kelp.

(The kelp on the table starts to squirm, but Barnacle Boy doesn't notice it. The kelp grows larger and larger, and when Barnacle Boy looks up from the newspaper, he jumps back in shock.)

Barnacle Boy: Whoa there, little guy!

(Barnacle Boy takes a chemical compound out from under the table and pours it on the kelp, returning it to its original state. Barnacle Boy then calls Mermaid Man on the walkie-talkie, but there's no answer.)

Barnacle Boy: Mermaid Man, come in! Come in, Mermaid Man! Oh, no.

(Barnacle Boy grabs the rest of the chemical compound and flies out the Mermalair.)

(Cut to the Kelp Forest. Mermaid Man hears his walkie-talkie vibrate in the mud, but he's unable to move his arms.)

Voice: You shouldn't have interfered, Mermaid Man.

Mermaid Man: Who are you? What do you want with the mayor?

Voice: My name is Jefferey Wheatly...

(A creature made entirely of kelp rises from the ground.)

Jefferey: But you probably know me better as "Kelp Thing".

(Goldstrom gasps.)

Mermaid Man: You know him?

Jefferey: Know me? (laughs) Tell him, mayor! Tell him how you tortured me all throughout high school and well into college!

(Goldstrom holds back tears as the kelp around his ankles pull him further into the mud.)

Mermaid Man: Hey! You're going to kill him!

Jefferey: It's what he deserves! Goldstrom and his gang shoved me into lockers, gave me black eyes, and ridiculed me, all because I was different! Goldstrom's favorite insult, Kelp Thing, plagues my nightmares to this day. Death is too good for him! I'll make sure he suffers...suffers like I did!

(Goldstrom begins to drown in the mud, and Barnacle Boy appears in the sky.)

Jefferey: Another one?

(As Barnacle Boy flies toward Mermaid Man and Goldstrom, a branch from a kelp tree stretches out and strangles him.)

Mermaid Man: No! Jefferey, I know you've had a hard life, but this isn't the answer!

Jefferey: You don't understand. No one understands!

(Barnacle Boy takes out the chemical compound that he brought from the Mermalair and pours it on the kelp branch. Jefferey screams, and the kelp branch releases its grip on Barnacle Boy's neck. Mermaid Man flies from the mud and pulls out with him a now-unconscious Goldstrom.)

Jefferey: No! My union with the forest! It's broken!

(Mermaid Man handcuffs a defeated Jeffery. On the way back to Bikini Bottom, Goldstrom wakes up and finds himself being carried by Barnacle Boy and Jeffery being carried by Mermaid Man.)

Goldstrom: What? I'm alive? You saved me! You saved my life!

Mermaid Man: Don't mention it. (growls) Please.

(The End)

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(We open at a nuclear facility. A female fish is monitoring the facility from its control room when a male fish walks in.)

Male fish: Is everything good so far?

Female fish: Yes, sir. Soon, we'll be able to to power all of Bikini Bottom.

Male fish: Perfect.

(An alarm starts to buzz.)

Female fish: Something's up!

Male fish: Well, get out there and find out what it is! What do you think I pay you for? Sitting around and looking pretty?

Female fish: (grumbling) Barnacle head.

Male fish: I beg your pardon?

Female fish: I'll get right to it, sir!

(The female fish leaves the control room and sees all the facility's workers running towards the door. She grabs one of them by the arm.)

Female fish: What's going on?

Workers: The reactor's about the blow!

(The female fish runs with the rest of the workers out of the facility, and by the time they're a safe distance away, the nuclear facility explodes.)

Female fish: Oh no! The boss! I forgot about him!

Worker: Well, it's no use trying to get him now. He's probably sleeping with the algae.

Female fish: (stares at the smoke from the explosion) Yeah...probably.

(The theme song plays.)

(Cut to the now-decimated facility. A television news reporter stands in front of the wreckage with a protective suit on.)

Reporter: Here are the remains of what would've been Bikini Bottom first nuclear power plant, funded by wealthy philanthropist Carl Jenkins...

'(A photo of Jenkins appears next to the reporter.)

Reporter: ...assumed dead from the explosion.

(Zoom out to reveal that Mermaid Man is watching the coverage from his living room.)

Mermaid Man: (eats from a bag of potato chips) What a shame.

(Suddenly, Mermaid Man's power goes off.)

Mermaid Man: What the?

(Mermaid Man picks up a flashlight and walks outside.)

Mermaid Man: It seems that the lights are off everywhere. (grabs his head) My mermaid senses are detecting a powerful radiation.

(A scream is heard.)

Mermaid Man: Someone's in trouble!

(Mermaid Man flies to the source of the scream and sees a young woman crouched on the ground, her hair ruffled.)

Mermaid Man: Who did this to you?

Woman: More like what did this to me!

Mermaid Man: Huh?

Woman: (stands up) He had glowing green eyes, teeth like a shark, and an extra arm sticking out of his chest! Now that I think about it, he looked a lot like that Carl Jenkins fellow from the news.

Mermaid Man: What? That's impossible!

Woman: After what I've seen...anything is possible.

(More screams are heard, and Mermaid Man follows them to Town Square. Jenkins, appearing exactly as the woman described, crushes cars with his fists and burns down buildings with his fiery breath.)

Jenkins: Bow down to your new ruler!

(Mermaid Man flies down and punches Jenkins.)

Mermaid Man: Yeah, no.

Jenkins: Who are you supposed to be?

Mermaid Man: I'm your worst nightmare!

(Mermaid Man punches Jenkins again, sending him through a window.)

Mermaid Man: I don't know why you feel the need to terrorize the people that gave your absurd amounts of money, but it stops now, Jenkins.

Jenkins: (crawls out of the window) My name isn't Jenkins anymore...

(Jenkins runs up to Mermaid Man and punches him in the face.)

Jenkins: My name...is the Atomic Flounder!

(Mermaid Man kicks the Atomic Flounder in the chest, then he swings around and falls to his knees.)

Mermaid Man: (thinking) The radiation...it's unbearable.

(The Atomic Flounder pulls a fire hydrant out from the sidewalk and throws it at the distracted Mermaid Man. Mermaid Man spots the hydrant in time and uses his heat vision to blow it up. A white foam splatters over the Atomic Flounder, and he cries out in pain.)

Atomic Flounder: No! My molecular structure! I feel it breaking apart!

(Mermaid Man uses the last of his strength to create a Raging Whirlpool, which spins the Atomic Flounder around until he's unconscious.)

Mermaid Man: (exhales) Thanks Neptune that's over. (falls to the ground and falls asleep)

(The End)

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(We open at the police station. Commissioner Johnson is answering telephone calls in his office.)

Commissioner Johnson: Yes, I know that we haven't been performing as well as usual ... You want to slash our budget by how much? Are you listening to yourself, mayor? Excuse me, I have another call.

(Commissioner Johnson presses a button on the phone's keypad.)

Commissioner Johnson: Hello? Calm down! .... What? May Ray escaped? This couldn't have happened at a worse time! Goldstrom's planning to cut our funding, and we can barely operate as it is! Hold on. I've got another call. (presses a button on the keypad)

(Cut to a shot of Man Ray's mouth, speaking into a pay phone.)

Man Ray: Hello, commish. I'm just calling you to let you know that I've kidnapped your son. Meet me at the dock to negotiate the terms of his release. Oh, and come alone. (hangs up)

(Cut back to Commissioner Johnson. He listens to the dial tone with a shocked expression on his face, then he throws the phone off his desk and runs out of his office.)

(The theme song plays.)

(Cut to the Mermalair. Barnacle Boy is playing Go Fish with a friend from his high school when Mermaid Man walks in.)

Mermaid Man: What did I tell you about bringing other people into the Mermalair? It's supposed to be a secret hideout.

Teenager: Hey, I'm good at keeping secrets!

Mermaid Man: Get out.

(As the teenager exits the Mermalair, a phone attached to the wall begins to ring. Mermaid Man picks it up.)

Mermaid Man: Hello?

Man Ray: (from the phone) Hi, Mermaid Man.

Mermaid Man: Man Ray! How did you get this number?

Man Ray: All it took was a bit of research. Isn't it amazing how a bit of reasearch can teach you everything you need to know about a person?

Mermaid Man: What do you want?

Man Ray: I just wanted to let you know that I'm about to kill the police commissioner on the dock.

Mermaid Man: Why are you telling me this? You know that I'll just stop you and have you locked away again.

Man Ray: Oh, but you won't be able to.

Mermaid Man: Why not?

Man Ray: Because you'll be too busy trying to deactive the bomb that I planted in the Bikini Bottom Ballpark!

Mermaid Man: You fiend!

Man Ray: It's set to go off in 15 minutes. Too-da-loo!

(Mermaid Man hangs up the phone and looks at the clock.)

Mermaid Man: Barnacles! The stadium and dock are on opposite sides of the city, and either one will take me 10 minutes tops to fly to! Barnacle Boy, are you up for a mission?

Barnacle Boy: You bet I am!

Mermaid Man: Go to the Bikini Bottom Ballpark and take care of the bomb. I'll be at the dock helping the commissioner.

(Mermaid Man and Barnarcle Boy fly out the Mermalair and go their separate ways.)

(Cut to the dock, where Man Ray is holding Timothy Johnson, Commissioner Johnson's son, in a tight grip. Commissioner Johnson drives up to the scene and approaches Man Ray with caution.)

Commissioner Johnson: I'm here. What do you want?

Man Ray: What do I want? Notoriety, that's what I want! Despite my history as a criminal mastermind, people continue to treat me like I'm some common crook. What I need is something big, and you're that something big! If I took out the police commissioner, everyone in the ocean would be chating my name. I'd be a star!

Commissioner Johnson: You're demented!

Man Ray: And you're fishmeat!

(Man Ray shoots at Commissioner Johnson with his raygun, but Commissioner Johnson gets out of the way, pulls out his own gun, and fires.)

Man Ray: (dodges gunshots) Must you make this hard on me? (sighs) I guess you leave me with no other choice.

(Man Ray throws Timothy Johnson over the dock.)

Commissioner Johnson: No!

(Commissioner Johnson runs to the edge of the dock, but it's too late. Timothy sinks into the water. Man Ray points his raygun at the grieving Commissioner Johnson.)

Man Ray: Prepare to join your son, commissioner!

(Suddenly, Mermaid Man flies out of the water with Timothy Johnson in his arms.)

Mermaid Man: Not so fast, Man Ray!

Man Ray: Mermaid Man! What are you doing here?

Mermaid Man: Taking out the trash!

(Mermaid Man kicks Man Ray in the stomach, then he kicks the dazed villian in the face. Man Ray falls to the dock, seemingly unconscious.)

Commissioner Johnson: Timothy!

Timothy: Dad!

(Mermaid Man places Timothy on the dock, and Timothy immediately embraces his father.)

Commissioner Johnson: (sheds a tear) I'm never letting go of you again.

(Man Ray opens an eye and, finding that nobody is watching him, bites off the tip of a grenade.)

Man Ray: (singsongy) Oh, Mermaid Maaan...

Mermaid Man: Huh?

(Man Ray throws the grenade at Mermaid Man, and the resulting explosion knocks Mermaid Man out and sends him into the water, where he quickly sinks in.)

Commissioner Johnson: Mermaid Man!

(To Be Continued)

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Narrator: Previously on Mermaid Man: The Aquatic Avenger...

Man Ray: (on the phone) Hello, commish. I'm just calling you to let you know that I've kidnapped your son.

(Cut to the Mermalair.)

Mermaid Man: (on the phone) You know that I'll just stop you and have you locked away again.

Man Ray: (on the phone) Oh, but you won't be able to. You'll be too busy trying to deactive the bomb that I planted in the Bikini Bottom Ballpark!

Mermaid Man: (hangs up) Barnacle Boy, go to the Bikini Bottom Ballpark and take care of the bomb. I'll be at the dock helping the commissioner.

(Cut to the dock. Man Ray and Commissioner Johnson are in a gunfight, and Man Ray throws Timothy Johnson over the dock.)

Man Ray: Prepare to join your son, commissioner!

(Mermaid Man flies out of the water with Timothy in his arms. Timothy embraces his father.)

Man Ray: (singsongy) Oh, Mermaid Maaan...

(Man Ray throws a grenade at Mermaid Man, and the resulting explosion sends Mermaid Man into the water.)

Commissioner Johnson: Mermaid Man!

(The theme song plays.)

(Cut to a shot of Mermaid Man. He's sinking deeper and deeper into the water.)

(Cut to a dream sequence. 8-year-old Ernie is sailing on the Pacific Ocean with his parents when the ship gets caught in a storm and breaks in half. Ernie tries to grab his mother's hand, but it's useless, and he falls into the ocean. While holding his breath, Ernie sees a mermaid swim past him. He opens his mouth to call for help, and his lungs fill with water. The mermaid catches sight of the drowning boy, then she swims over to him and puts her hand on his neck, giving him gills. Ernie takes a deep breath, and we cut back to Mermaid Man, who does the same thing.)

(Cut to the dock. Man Ray approaches the frightened Commissioner Johnson and Timothy.)

Man Ray: Now, where was I?

(Mermaid Man flies back out of the water.)

Man Ray: You again?

Mermaid Man: In the living flesh!

(Mermaid Man punches Man Ray with a force so powerful that the villian's mask flies off, revealing a human underneath.)

Mermaid Man: (gasps) There's another one?

(Man Ray, holding his breath, drops his raygun and scrambles for his mask. As he puts it back on, he turns around and finds Commissioner Johnson pointing his own raygun at him.)

Man Ray: (raises arms) Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Commissioner Johnson: (on walkie-talkie) Butch, send a police car to the dock. Over.

(Commissioner Johnson handcuffs Man Ray, and Mermaid Man begins to fly off.)

Commissioner Johnson: Wait, Mermaid Man!

(Mermaid Man stops.)

Commissioner Johnson: I-I was wrong about you.

Mermaid Man: (rolls eyes) Really?

Commissioner Johnson: Listen, it's no secret that we have a crime problem, and your methods of dealing with it have worked, though I still don't completely agree with them.

Mermaid Man: Your point, commissioner?

Commissioner Johnson: (sighs) Bikini Bottom needs a hero, and if you want to be that hero, I'll be more willing to look the other way from now on.

Mermaid Man: Thanks, commish. It'll definitely make my job easier.

Timothy: Bye, Mermaid Man!

Mermaid Man: (chuckles) Bye, kid.

Timothy: Will I ever see you again?

Mermaid Man: I'm sure you will. I'm definitely not going anywhere.

(Suddenly, an explosion is heard from the distance.)

Commissioner Johnson: What was that?

Mermaid Man: (gasps) The ballpark! Barnacle Boy!

(As Mermaid Man flies to the source of the explosion, the police car that Commissioner Johnson ordered arrives at the dock.)

Commissioner Johnson: Take this piece of garbage to the highest-security prison you can find.

Policeman: (from inside the car) You got it, boss!

(Commissioner Johnson throws Man Ray into the back of the police car, and it drives off.)

Man Ray: (thinking) Barnacle Boy? It seems that my bit of research didn't teach me everything I needed to know about Mermaid Man. I shall remedy that as soon as possible.

(Cut to the Bikini Bottom Ballpark. Mermaid Man hovers above the stadium and sees Barnacle Boy enjoying the game in the audience seats. Mermaid Man joins him.)

Mermaid Man: Where did that explosion come from?

Barnacle Boy: Oh, it was the bomb that Man Ray planted here. I found it right when it was about to blow up, so I just threw it up into the sky. I hope you're not angry. The baseball fans loved it, if that's any consolation.

Mermaid Man: (laughs) I'm not angry. You did good, Barnacle Boy.

Barnacle Boy: Why do you keep me holed up in the Mermalair, anyway?

Mermaid Man: I guess I was just afraid that something will happen to you. This isn't the safest job out there, you know.

Barnacle Boy: You shouldn't worry so much. (eats a hot dog) I'm not a kid anymore.

Mermaid Man: Yeah, you're not. I guess we're all growing.

(One of the baseball players hit a home run, and the audience stands and cheers, including Barnacle Boy. Mermaid Man remains sitting.)

Mermaid Man: I guess we're all growing.

(The End)

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(We open at a jewelry store. The manager is cleaning the display cases when someone who looks exactly like Mermaid Man (wearing a black shirt instead of an orange shirt) walks in.)

Manager: Sorry, but we're closed for maintenance. You can order something later.

Mermaid Man?: I'm not here to order anything.

Manager: Then what are you here for?

("Mermaid Man" punches the manager in the stomach and throws him at the opposite wall, knocking him out. "Mermaid Man" then breaks the glass of the display counters and empties their contents into a potato sack.)

(The theme song plays.)

(Cut to Mermaid Man's house. Mermaid Man is watching the news with a grave expression on his face.)

Reporter: The Bikini Bottom Police Department would not confirm whether or not the robber was actually Mermaid Man, but interviews with witness suggest that it is indeed the case. It seems that Mermaid Man is not the hero he made himself out to be. More on this at seven.

(Mermaid Man turns off the television and clenches his fists in anger.)

Mermaid Man: I would never use my powers for evil! Whoever perpetrated this crime is out to frame me, and I need to find him before Bikini Bottom's finest finds me!

(Mermaid Man flies out the window and searches through the city from above. Using his telescopic vision, he sees a piece of a mirror under the yellow tape surrounding the jewelry. Mermaid Man swoops down and picks it up.)

Mermaid Man: (looking in the mirror) This is from one of those distorting mirrors you see at the carnival. Who'd be interested in these things?

Policeman 1: (offscreen) Hey, it's the guy that did this!

Policeman 2: (offscreen) Let's get him!

Mermaid Man: Uh-oh.

(Mermaid Man stuffs the mirror into his pocket and flies away.)

(Cut to the police station. Mayor Goldstrom walks into Commissioner Johnson's office.)

Mayor Goldstrom: Well, you were right all along. Mermaid Man is a criminal.

Commissioner Johnson: No. He's not.

Mayor Goldstrom: What? Am I hearing you right?

Commissioner Johnson: I saw him. He saved my son's life. I don't know who robbed that jewelry store, but it wasn't him.

Mayor Goldstrom: Well, if it wasn't him, who was it?

Mermaid Man: (offscreen) I think I know.

(Mayor Goldstrom and Commissioner Johnson turn around and see Mermaid Man floating outside the window.)

Commissioner Johnson: How long have you been listening to us?

Mermaid Man: Long enough to know that I can trust you.

(Mermaid Man opens his hand to reveal the mirror.)

Mermaid Man: I snagged this from the crime scene. It took me a while to recall, but this is the same type of mirror that the magician Reflecto used for one of his performances.

Commissioner Johnson: Reflecto? Are you sure?

Mermaid Man: Not completely. But could you send a squad of police cars over to his house just in case?

Mayor Goldstrom: Not without a warrant!

Commissioner Johnson: (rolls eyes) I'll arrange it.

Mermaid Man: Thanks.

(Mermaid Man starts to fly away, but Goldstrom catches his leg.)

Mayor Goldstrom: Oh no, you don't! You're a wanted criminal, and you're staying here with us!

Mermaid Man: You know, I saved your life, too.

(Mayor Goldstrom sighs and lets go of Mermaid Man's leg. Mermaid Man flies out the window.)

Mayor Goldstrom: Don't think that I'll be making this a habit!

(Cut to Reflecto's house. Mermaid Man flies onto the porch and opens the door.)

Mermaid Man: (walks in) Strange. He left the door unlocked.

(Mermaid Man looks around as he strolls through the living room. Mirrors of all shapes and sizes cover the walls and ceiling.)

Mermaid Man: Hello? Reflecto? I just want to talk with you!

Reflecto: (offscreen) I'll do the talking.

(Suddenly, a cage drops on Mermaid Man, and Reflecto appears from an adjacent room.)

Reflecto: You know, it's not kind to trespass on other people's property.

Mermaid Man: You were expecting me.

Reflecto: Well, it never hurts to prepare.

(Reflecto knocks on one of the mirrors.)

Reflecto: Isn't it beautiful? People say that magic is "all smoke and mirrors", and that's precisely what I use for my greatest act!

Mermaid Man: Your greatest act? What do you mean?

Reflecto: You! You, Mermaid Man! You're my greatest act! See?

(Reflecto drops a smoke pellet, it explodes, and after the smoke clears, the black-shirted Mermaid Man is standing in Reflecto's place.)

Reflecto: (as Mermaid Man) Ta-da!

Mermaid Man: You! You're the imposter!

Reflecto: Yes. And with you out of the way, I'll be free to commit all the crimes I want with this disguise!

(Mermaid Man heats up two of the cage's bars with his heat vision, and once they're hot enough, he punches them, causing them to break in half.)

Reflecto: Uh-oh.

(Mermaid Man punches Reflecto in the face, knocking him out. Five minutes later, police cars surround Reflecto's house, and the officers break in through the door to find Mermaid Man standing over a tied-up, still-transformed Reflecto.)

Policeman: Two Mermaid Men?

(Mermaid Man takes a smoke pellet out of Reflecto's pocket, and he drops it. After it explodes, the smoke clears to reveal Reflecto in his original appearance. The policemen handcuff Reflecto and drag him out of his house.)

Policeman: I told you that Mermaid Man didn't turn sour. You owe me fifty bucks.

(The End)

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(We open at the roof of a building. Mermaid Man is fighting The Moth, who is holding a sack of stolen money in his mouth.)

The Moth: You foolish human! Don't you know what I'm capable of?

(Mermaid Man kicks The Moth with a force that sends him into the sky and causes him to drop the sack of money.)

Mermaid Man: No, and I don't care.

(Mermaid Man prepares to jump off the roof with the sack of money when The Moth re-appears in front of him with a shrink ray.)

Mermaid Man: (laughs) What? Are you here for a second helping?

The Moth: No thanks. I'm full.

(The Moth shoots Mermaid Man with the shrink ray.)

Mermaid Man: (sees everything around him grow larger) Wha...what have you done?

The Moth: Eliminated you as a threat.

(The Moth flicks the now-shrunken Mermaid Man to the other side of the building, grabs the sack of money and flutters away.)

(The theme song plays.)

(Cut to the Mermalair. Barnacle Boy is looking at Mermaid Man through a magnifying glass.)

Barnacle Boy: So you don't know how to reverse this?

Mermaid Man: I'm afraid not.

Barnacle Boy: Bummer. Do you have any idea where The Moth might be right now?

Mermaid Man: No. He seemed like a petty criminal at first, but that shrink ray was some heavy-duty technology, the kind you could only get from...

Barnacle Boy: Dr. Octofish's Shop of Arms. I'm on it.

(Barnacle Boy flies out the Mermalair, and Mermaid Man, in boredom, sits down on a newspaper.)

Mermaid Man: 70 degrees and sunny. Nice day to fight crime.

(Cut to Dr. Octofish's Shop of Arms. Barnacle Boy flies through the door and pins the owner to the wall.)

Barnacle Boy: We can do this the easy way or the hard way.

Dr. Octofish: Do what?

Barnacle Boy: The interrogation. You're going to tell me everything you know about the last guy you sold a shrink ray to, and you're going to tell me now.

Dr. Octofish: I can't. Customer confidentiality and all that tarter sauce.

Barnacle Boy: He shrunk down Mermaid Man!

Dr. Octofish: And I should care why?

(Barnacle Boy grabs one of Dr. Octofish's tentacles and twists it.)

Dr. Octofish: Ouch! Alright! I get it! The creepy-looking moth-man you're talking about, he stops at the pond just a few blocks away to get a drink every afternoon. 3:00 PM exactly. You can't miss it.

Barnacle Boy: That's all?

Dr. Octofish: Yeah! That's all. And don't worry about your friend. The shrink ray's effect on him will wear off after 34 hours.

Barnacle Boy: (looks at watch) It's been three hours now.

Dr. Octofish: Then it's only a matter of time.

(Barnacle Boy lets go of Dr. Octofish and flies out the way he came.)

Dr. Octofish: What, you're not going to buy anything?

(Cut to the Mermalair. As Mermaid Man reads the newspaper, a spider crawls up behind him and watches him hungrily.)

Mermaid Man: Why do I have the strangest feeling that an arachnid is about to devour me? (turns around) Oh, that's why!

(The spider blasts Mermaid Man with silk, and Mermaid Man dodges the attacks.)

Mermaid Man: You know, I never liked spiders.

(Mermaid Man punches the spider in the face, and the spider shakes its head and lunges at the hero.)

(Cut to The Moth, who is drinking from a pond. Barnacle Boy flies down and kicks him into the water.)

The Moth: (flies out of the pond) Another one?

(The Moth pulls out his shrink ray, but Barnacle Boy uses his heat vision to knock it out of The Moth's hand.)

The Moth: Oh no!

Barnacle Boy: Villiany 101: Don't use the same trick twice.

(Barnacle Boy punches The Moth in the stomach and rips off his wings, causing The Moth to fall back into the pond. When he stands up, he's dripping with water.)

The Moth: Fine! I surrender! Are you happy?

Barnacle Boy: Not completely.

(Barnacle Boy picks up the shrink ray and uses it on The Moth.)

Barnacle Boy: Now I'm happy.

The Moth: (turns red) You...you...

(Barnacle Boy flicks The Moth out of the pond and hovers over him as he lands on the wet grass.)

Barnacle Boy: Tell me what you did with the stolen money before I step on you.

The Moth: You stupid boy! Once I return to my original height, I'll...

Barnacle Boy: Tell me!

The Moth: I hid it in the lighthouse!

Barnacle Boy: Thank you for your cooperation. (picks up The Moth) Now come on.

The Moth: Where are we going?

Barnacle Boy: You're going to the police station. I'm just escorting you.

The Moth: (rolls eyes) Wonderful.

(Cut to the Mermalair. Barnacle Boy walks in.)

Barnacle Boy: Hey, Mermaid Man! Great news! You'll back to your old size by tomorrow, and...whoa! what's that?

(Barnacle Boy points to the spider from earlier in the episode, but its legs are tied in a knot and it has a black eye.)

Mermaid Man: Oh, he's my newest friend. (laughs)

(The End)

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(We open at the Bikini Bottom Museum of Arts. Snorelonn walks into the museum after closing. He passes a guard, who immediately grabs his shoulder.)

Guard: Hey, don't you know that we're closed?

Snorelonn: Yes.

(Snorelonn pulls the guard's arm off his shoulder, and the guard drowsily slumps to the floor. As Snorelonn goes deeper into the museum, the guard, barely awake, pushes a button on his walkie-talkie.)

Guard: Commissioner...I'll need reinforcements. (passes out)

(Cut to Commissioner Johnson's office.)

Commissioner Johnson: Freddie, what's going on? Freddie?

(Commissioner Johnson presses a button on his walkie-talkie.)

Commissioner Johnson: Get as many policemen as you can to the Bikini Bottom Museum of Arts, and make it fast!

(The theme song plays.)

(Mermaid Man is flying high above Bikini Bottom when he notices police cars heading for the museum.)

Mermaid Man: What's going on there?

(Mermaid Man enters the museum through one of its windows, and he finds Snorelonn removing valuable paintings from the wall.)

Snorelonn: (laughs) It looks like the guard brought company.

Mermaid Man: I'm only going to tell you this once. Put those paintings back where you got them and leave.

Snorelonn: Who are you? My mother?

Mermaid Man: No, but when I'm done with you, you'll wish I was.

(Mermaid Man punches Snorelonn in the face, causing him to drop all the paintings and stumble to the ground.)

Snorelonn: (shakes head) Fine. You want to get rough? Let tango.

(Snorelonn takes a swing at Mermaid Man, but Mermaid Man dodges it and uses his heat vision to burn Snorelonn's fist.)

Snorelonn: Ouch!

(Snorelonn sucks on the back of his hand, and Mermaid Man prepares to throw a waterball at him. Suddenly, red and blue lights flash through the windows.)

Policeman: (offscreen) Come out with your hands up. We have you surrounded.

Snorelonn: Barnacles! It's the cops!

(Snorelonn pushes Mermaid Man and runs towards the water vent. Mermaid Man tries to run after him, but a feeling of sleepiness takes him over.)

Mermaid Man: What have you done to me?

Snorelonn: (smiles) You have your superpowers. I have mine.

(Snorelonn pulls the cover off the water vent and starts to go in.)

Snorelonn: Oh, right! I almost forgot!

(Snorelonn picks up the valuable paintings and pushes them into the vent first.)

Snorelonn: Toodle-loo!

(Mermaid Man uses what's left of his energy to throw a water ball at Snorelonn as he crawls into the vent. Surprised, Snorelonn falls out of the vent and hits his head on the marble floor, knocking him out just as policemen march into the museum and look at the scene in confusion.)

(Cut to the police station. Commissioner Johnson is drinking coffee with his officers.)

Commissioner Johnson: Another job well done, boys. It turns out that Snorelonn, as he's apparently called, is wanted in 39 states. This arrest will bring us a lot of good media.

Policeman 1: Don't forget that we also captured that wretched vigilante Mermaid Man!

Commissioner Johnson: (unenthusiastically) Yes. Him too.

Policeman 2: Speaking of Mermaid Man, what did we even do with him? He's not in any of the cells.

Commissioner Johnson: We put him in a temporary holding place until he'd wake up and we could question him. We did the same thing with the guard from the museum.

Policeman 1: Are you sure that's a good idea? Mermaid Man isn't your average fish, you know.

Commissioner Johnson: If you're asking me if I think Mermaid Man is a flight risk, I've taken the necessary precautions.

(Cut to a dark room. Mermaid Man opens his eyes and sees nothing but blackness around him. He feels handcuffs around his wrists.)

Mermaid Man: Where am I?

(The lights turn on, and Commissioner Johnson is standing in the doorway.)

Mermaid Man: Well, congratulations. You caught me.

Commissioner Johnson: Yeah, I did. So tell me. Why?

Mermaid Man: Why what?

Commissioner Johnson: Why do you do what you do?

Mermaid Man: Because if I don't...who else will?

Commissioner Johnson: (sighs) We have this entire police force...

Mermaid Man: And it would've been useless if Snorelonn got into that vent.

Commissioner Johnson: Just think about the charges we could bring against you. Trespassing...assault and battery...obstruction of justice...

Mermaid Man: Just do what you came in here to do.

Commissioner Johnson: Mermaid Man...you're free to go.

Mermaid Man: What?

Commissioner Johnson: I told you that I'd turn a blind eye to your activities, and I'm making good on that promise. So leave, and don't let me catch you here again.

(Cut to a shot of the room's exterior. A policeman who's waiting outside the door hears a crash, and he runs into the room to find a hole in the ceiling.)

Commissioner Johnson: (hunched over the table) I tried to stop him, but he overpowered me. (fake cough) He's gone.

Policeman: That's alright, commissioner. He can't run forever.

(The policeman helps Commissioner Johnson out the room.)

Commissioner Johnson: (thinking) For Mermaid Man's sake, I hope he's wrong.

(The End)

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(We open at a courtroom. Bikini Bottom's district attorney stands at one table, and the Dirty Bubble and his lawyer stand at the other.)

 

Judge: This case is now dismissed. (bangs gavel)

 

District attorney: Your honor, if you could please reconsider...

 

(The judge walks into another room, and the district attorney puts his head in his hands.)

 

District attorney: (sighs) Not again.

 

(The Dirty Bubble floats out of the courtroom, where Sal, one of his henchmen, is waiting for him.)

 

Dirty Bubble: Thanks for bribing the judge for me, Sal.

 

Sal: No problem, boss. Where to next?

 

Dirty Bubble: Well, we'll obviously have to teach Mermaid Man a lesson. Where did you see him last?

 

Sal: He and Man Ray were duking it out on the plaza.

 

Dirty Bubble: Man Ray?

 

Sal: Yeah! Don't you read the news anymore?

 

Dirty Bubble: We don't get the paper in jail.

 

Sal: Oh, right. Sorry. Man Ray is Mermaid Man's worst enemy.

 

Dirty Bubble: Really? What makes him so special?

 

Sal: He's a diabolical villain with no regard for underwater life or property.

 

Dirty Bubble: Sounds like my kind of guy. How can I get in touch with him?

 

Sal: He's in jail now.

 

Dirty Bubble: Well, I can't have that!

 

Sal: What, you're gonna spring him?

 

Dirty Bubble: Sure! All this Man Ray needs is direction, and I have direction to spare! Together, we can eliminate Mermaid Boy from the face of the Earth!

 

(The theme song plays.)

 

(Cut to Man Ray's jail cell. A guard unlocks the cell and gives Man Ray a slip of paper.)

 

Man Ray: Huh? What's going on?

 

Guard: You're free to go.

 

Man Ray: Really? Just like that?

 

Guard: Yes. Just go to that address, and there won't be any problems from here on out.

 

(Man Ray shrugs, reads at the slip of paper, and walks out of the police station.)

 

(Cut to an abandoned warehouse. Man Ray enters the warehouse and looks around.)

 

Man Ray: Nice place you got here.

 

Dirty Bubble: Thank you.

 

Man Ray: Whoa! Are you...

 

Dirty Bubble: If you're about to say the Dirty Bubble, then yes.

 

Man Ray: How did you get me out of the brig?

 

Dirty Bubble: I have connections all around. Getting you out of jail was easy.

 

Man Ray: What do you want with me?

 

Dirty Bubble: I want to make a deal with you.

 

Man Ray: What kind of deal?

 

Dirty Bubble: The kind where you get to see Mermaid Man perish before your very eyes.

 

Man Ray: Sounds exciting.

 

Dirty Bubble: It will be.

 

(The Dirty Bubble takes a rolled-up blueprint out from under a couch.)

 

Dirty Bubble: Now, this is how it's gonna go down...

 

(Cut to Mermaid Man's house. Mermaid Man is reading a book with the radio on.)

 

Reporter: (on the radio) Breaking news! Man Ray is standing on the roof of a lighthouse, threatening to drop a baby off it if the baby's parents don't pay a ransom of $100,000!

 

Mermaid Man: (gasps) Man Ray? Again?

 

(Cut to the aforementioned lighthouse. Spectators are gathered all around it, pointing to Man Ray at the top, who seems to be holding a baby by the legs.)

 

Commissioner Johnson: All of you! Get out of the way! My police squad is trying to handle the situation!

 

(Suddenly, Mermaid Man appears above the lighthouse and lands beside Man Ray.)

 

Commissioner Johnson: (rolls eyes) Of course.

 

Mermaid Man: Hand over the baby!

 

Man Ray: Mermaid Man! You got here sooner than I thought.

 

(Mermaid Man punches Man Ray, and Man Ray nearly lets go of the baby.)

 

Man Ray: (wags finger) Ah-ah-ah.

 

Mermaid Man: Give it to me!

 

Man Ray: You want it? Take it, then!

 

(Man Ray turns around and throws the baby, and Mermaid Man chases after it. When he catches it, he realizes that the baby is just a doll.)

 

Mermaid Man: What the...

 

(The baby doll explodes, sending Mermaid Man flying back and crashing through one of the lighthouse walls.)

 

Mermaid Man: What...is going...on?

 

(Mermaid Man faints.)

 

(To Be Continued)

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Narrator: Previously on Mermaid Man: The Aquatic Avenger...

 

Dirty Bubble: We'll obviously have to teach Mermaid Man a lesson. Where did you see him last?

 

Sal: He and Man Ray were duking it out on the plaza.

 

Dirty Bubble: Man Ray?

 

Sal: He's a diabolical villain with no regard for underwater life or property.

 

Dirty Bubble: All this Man Ray needs is direction, and I have direction to spare! Together, we can eliminate Mermaid Boy from the face of the Earth!

 

(Cut to an abandoned warehouse.)

 

Man Ray: What do you want with me?

 

Dirty Bubble: I want to make a deal with you.

 

(The Dirty Bubble takes a rolled-up blueprint out from under a couch.)

 

Dirty Bubble: Now, this is how it's gonna go down...

 

(Cut to a lighthouse.)

 

Mermaid Man: Hand over the baby!

 

(Man Ray turns around and throws the baby. When Mermaid Man catches it, he realizes that the baby is just a doll. It explodes, sending him flying back and crashing through one of the lighthouse walls.)

 

(The theme song plays.)

 

(Cut to the abandoned warehouse. Mermaid Man regains consciousness and finds that he's hanging upside down over a vat of boiling tarter sauce, which Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble stand in front of.)

 

Dirty Bubble: Well, well, well.

Mermaid Man: Man Ray? The Dirty Bubble? You're working together?

 

Man Ray: Yes. After all, two heads are better than one.

 

Mermaid Man: Why haven't you killed me yet?

 

Dirty Bubble: We want you to be awake so we can hear your shrieks of pain as you're burned alive.

 

Mermaid Man: Sorry to burst your bubble, but that's not happening!

 

(Mermaid Man tries to use his heat vision to burn the rope, but nothing comes out of his eyes.)

 

Mermaid Man: What's going on?

 

Man Ray: What's going on? Two words: sodium pluflouroxide.

 

Mermaid Man: Huh?

 

Dirty Bubble: Your weakness! Sodium pluflouroxide! It took hours of research from my henchmen, but we finally found it: a chemical that nullifies every single one of your supernatural abilities! We mixed that chemical in with the tarter sauce below you, so you ain't goin' nowhere!

 

Mermaid Man: (pauses) I didn't even know I had a weakness.

 

Dirty Bubble: We all have our weaknesses, Mermaid Man. Man Ray was smart enough to point that out to me and encourage me to look that chemical up in the first place.

 

Mermaid Man: You're not going to get away with this! Evil never wins!

 

Dirty Bubble: (laughs) There you are with your heroic delusions! Evil does win! It wins everyday, and it's about to win now!

 

Mermaid Man: No...no!

 

Man Ray: Prepare to die, Meddler Man!

 

(Man Ray points his raygun at the rope that suspends Mermaid Man in the air. Mermaid Man takes one of the seashells off his chest, and he throws it. The seashell gets lodged in Man Ray's raygun, and when he shoot it, the raygun explodes.)

 

Man Ray: Gah!

 

Mermaid Man: You know, you really shouldn't underestimate me.

 

(Mermaid Man swings on the rope until he's upright and clinging to it. He uses the other seashell to cut the rope from his legs, then he swings on the rope again, jumping when he has enough momentum.)

 

Dirty Bubble: Why are you just standing there? Stop him!

 

(Mermaid Man lands in front of Man Ray. Man Ray throws a punch, and Mermaid Man dodges it. Mermaid Man picks up Man Ray and throws him to the other side of the warehouse.)

 

Dirty Bubble: Oh, poopy.

 

(Mermaid Man pushes a picking pin out of his glove and points it at the Dirty Bubble.)

 

Dirty Bubble: Alright. I surrender.

 

Mermaid Man: Really? It was that easy?

 

Dirty Bubble: Of course not! Man Ray, get the vial of sodium pluflouroxide!

 

(Man Ray struggles to his feet and takes a test tube out of his pocket. Mermaid Man uses his heat vision to destroy the tube.)

 

Man Ray: Oh, well. (passes out)

 

Dirty Bubble: Dang it! I really shouldn't announce what we're going to do before we do it!

 

Mermaid Man: Are you going to surrender or not?

 

Dirty Bubble: Yeah, yeah. Put the handcuffs on me.

 

(The Dirty Bubble stretches out two hands, and Mermaid Man cuffs them.)

 

(Cut to the police station. Mermaid Man walks into Commissioner Johnson's office.)

 

Commissioner Johnson: So, you got Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble into our custody again, and you exposed the headquarters of the Dirty Bubble's criminal operations.

 

Mermaid Man: (sighs) Yeah.

 

Commissioner Johnson: Why do you seem so dour about this?

 

Mermaid Man: No, it's great. It's just that...I'm mortal. I never thought about it before, but my life has the potential to end (snaps) just like that.

 

Commissioner Johnson: What are you talking about? You have laser beams coming out of your eyes, you can fly, you can shoot waterballs. You're practically invulnerable!

 

Mermaid Man: Yeah, practically. But I just learned that there's something out there that could undo that, something that could make me as vulnerable as the rest of you. If word of it comes out, I'm finished.

 

Commissioner Johnson: So what are you going to do?

 

Mermaid Man: I'm going to be less arrogant. I'm going to treat each and every fight as if it were my last. This mission isn't something I plan to give up, but it is something I'll be approaching much more carefully from now on.

 

(Mermaid Man turns and starts to head out the door, but then he stops.)

 

Mermaid Man: (smiles) I just thought that you should know that.

 

(Mermaid Man leaves Commissioner Johnson's office, and Commissioner Johnson goes through his employees' files. He shakes his head when he sees the record of corruption and cowardice within his own police force.)

 

Commissioner Johnson: If only we had more heroes like him.

 

(The End)

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